#She really is a hollowed out shell of a human being

[eunseoksimp]

Omg can you please write part 2 on infatuation where a third person get involved and wonbin losing his shit , you can end it however you like , I love your writing and i am always looking forward to your post, and also no pressure at all🫶🏻

hi anon, sorry this is so late (it was literally sitting in my drafts for three months). at first i had no intentions of writing a part two tbh, but i thoroughly enjoyed writing this up, as you can tell by the wc!

Pairing:Toxic! Park Wonbin x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warning: wonbin is possibly the worst human being alive, reader may be slightly irritating with how flaky her emotions are, manipulation, gaslighting, strong language, wc is somehow 17.5k.

read part 1 here.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the cafe hummed with the gentle murmur of conversation, a soothing backdrop against the backdrop of your melancholy. you sat alone at a small corner table, your presence subdued amidst the vibrant surroundings. outside, the soft drizzle of rain painted intricate patterns on the windowpane, mirroring the intricate turmoil of your emotions.

yunjin arrived, her footsteps light but purposeful as she navigated through the cosy cafe. her eyes immediately sought out yours, a flicker of concern crossing her features at the sight of her friend's solemn demeanour.

‘you look like shit,’ yunjin deadpanned as she slid into the seat across from you. although you couldn’t quite blame her for her bluntness.

the bags under your eyes ran deep, a hollow emptiness emboldening your irises. your skin was pale, and cuts lined your lips from the sheer amount of time spent biting them.

you were a shell of your former self. soulless, vacant, moving around without purpose. you had lost your will to continue on, all because you had lost the man you loved.

it was pathetic really, how much your heart ached for him, how he was the one you called out for in the middle of the night when you awoke from your nightmare.

his heart belonged elsewhere now, to someone who wasn’t you. and nothing in the world could have prepared you for how gut wrenching it would be.

tired of your moping, and your lack of responses to her texts, yunjin had invited you out for an informal hangout, something more chill, just to get you to stop wallowing in despair and inhaling fresh air.

‘has that bastard called you?’ she spoke up again after a bit, acrylics tapping on the wooden table, eyes narrowing.

you shook your head, unable to articulate your reality. that maybe wonbin really was gone now. it had been two weeks since that day, the day your spirit was crushed, the day your love was harshly rejected.

despite all of this, you desperately wanted him to reach out to you again, just to hear his voice, to be able to smell him again, to have him in your arms, fingers tangled in his hair.

it was torturous, agonising, like a cruel joke that you were the only one not in on. how did things change so suddenly?

‘i swear if i see him i’ll kill him for you. i’ll cut his dick off and make him eat it,’ your friend was visibly upset for you, but a sick part of yourself worried for wonbin, not wanting anything bad to happen.

‘don’t,’ you say softly, picking at your nails, the familiar feeling of your throat tightening quick to accompany your already somber mood.

‘you still love him?’ yunjin sighs, reaching forward to take your hands in hers and giving it a squeeze. there were no traces of judgement in her voice, just pity.

it was a pathetic situation. a guy had strung you along for a year, told you sweet lies, pressed kisses across your face and looked you directly in the eyes as he said over and over again that he loved you.

you were blinded, unable to see the obvious red flags. it wasn’t normal to continue to stay with someone who gets a new girl. you must be stupid.

but what made things worse, was the fact that you still loved him. you yearned for him, a part of yourself still within his clutches.

you didn’t even realise you were crying until yunjin leaned forward, thumbs swiping at the tears.

‘you deserve more than him love. someone who will cherish you, and only you. he used you, like a prick, none of this is your fault,’ she had moved her chair next to yours now, cradling you in her arms as she patted your shoulder.

what could be more than park wonbin? what would be more radiant, more daring, more intoxicating than he was?

‘i just want him,’ you sob, and she soothes you by rubbing circles on your back whilst you try to stop hiccuping.

‘it’ll get better, i’ll make sure of it.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

2 weeks has slowly morphed into a month. 28 days without wonbin’s touch, without his presence in your life.

you wish you could say that things had gotten easier, but time was not a healer of your broken heart. the more the days went by, the more you suffered. every night you chewed your lip as you stared at his contact information, willing him to finally call you.

to do something. to not treat you like you no longer existed. to go back to being the one that you had fallen in love with.

but no matter how much you sobbed, or you suffered through your days with a weight on your chest, he wouldn’t return to you.

‘we’re going out. to a party,’ yunjin announces as she waltzes into your room, giving you a kiss on the crown of your head before she settles into the spot next to you on your bed.

‘party? yujin i-‘

‘oh no you don’t get a say. you’re coming, that’s final,’ she cuts you off, and you sigh in defeat, knowing that she was too stubborn for you to be able to win this battle.

seeing as it was already decided that your evening would be spent surrounded by sweaty bodies and excessive levels of alcohol consumption, you mourned the night you had planned of having, consisting of cheesy romantic comedies and various tubs of ice cream.

it was silent, yunjin busy tapping away on her phone, fingers moving furiously as she quietly spoke out what she wanted to type, sometimes pausing to think about her response.

‘that guy i was telling you about last week, you know mark lee-‘ she starts talking, but her eyes were still glued to her phone, and another buzz of her phone let you know that she was clearly still in the middle of texting.

‘sorry love,’ she apologises, eventually putting her phone down and now giving you her undivided attention, turning so her body was now facing yours.

‘anyways you remember mark lee right? the one i’m talking to. his best friend is having a party tonight and i thought it would be good for you to come.’

‘you really like him?’ you take note of the way her face lights up just by mentioning his name, suppressing the smile creeping on her lips, eyes looking down at the hands folded in her lap.

you wondered if this was what you looked like to others whenever you talked about wonbin.

‘i like him, and i have a good feeling he likes me too.’

‘then that’s all i need to hear. let’s go to that stupid party,’ you’ve barely got your words out before she’s squealing, flinging her arms around your neck and climbing onto your lap, pressing wet kisses all over your cheeks.

‘i promise you won’t regret it. he has this one friend, donghyuck, and i need you to meet him asap,’ she pressed one last kiss to your head, before sliding off of your legs and returning back to her spot on the bed.

‘i don’t want anyone other than wonbin.’

‘i’m not asking you to date him silly. he’s just a really good guy and i think he’s the energy you need right now.’

you hum in response, a question at the tip of your tongue, but it’s like you’re too scared to utter it. and so you go back and forth in your mind, wondering if it’s worth mentioning it.

‘spill it. you look like you’re putting yourself through torture,’ your best friend knows you too well, spotting the telltale signs that you were anxious, down to the chewing of your bottom lip and the twiddling of the ring on your finger.

‘do you think- um- do you think that, you know-‘ it’s hard to get the words out, with the way your heart was pounding ridiculously in your chest, thoughts racing at a million miles a minute.

yunjin scoots a bit closer, putting her hand on your knee, clearly able to see that what you wanted to ask was troubling you. 

‘go on babe, you can say it,’ she encourages you, patting your knee.

‘um- do you think wonbin will be there?’

her face softens, a look of sympathy flashing across her face at your question. 

‘i don’t think so.’

you’re not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. there was nothing that could prepare you to come face to face with park wonbin again without breaking down. but there was still that fleeting feeling; you wanted him back.

‘let’s forget about park wonbin tonight,’ yunjin says as she pats your knee twice, before standing up and heading towards your closet to look for your outfit for the night.

forget about park wonbin. could you do that?

the question continued to circulate in your mind, even as yunjin pulls you into the chair in front of your mirror to start your makeup, clearly not a novice as she primed, and patted and set your face. even as she managed to convince you that the black mini dress that she shoved into your arms was ‘the perfect length’, and that you were too young to be worrying about modesty.

‘you look amazing. fuck park wonbin,’ she spins you around to face your vanity mirror and you blink twice, taking aback by the person staring back at you. It had been months since you had even bothered to care about your appearance, your self confidence depleting to dangerously low levels, as you wished that you lived in an alternate world, where your beauty, just like ning ning’s was enough to keep wonbin from walking away.

but for the first time in a while you felt a surge of confidence, a newfound poise about who you were, about what you could be.

‘you deserve to have fun tonight. to remember what it feels like to be happy.”

she finishes your look with a pair of silver earrings which you’re sure you’ve only seen her wear once due to how precious she regarded it to be. yet here she was, without a thought, handing them to you.

‘thank you, yunjin,” you murmur, your heart swelling with gratitude. ‘i don’t know what I’d do without you.’

she grinned in response, pulling you into a quick hug. ‘that’s what best friends are for. now, let’s go show the world just how fabulous you are.’

you make your way to the front door, the sounds of the night already beckoning. grabbing your clutch, taking one last glance in the hallway mirror, the woman staring back at you looked poised, ready, but inside, you knew you were teetering on the edge of something unknown.

stepping out into the cool evening air, yunjin linked arms with you, a gesture of solidarity.

‘just remember, tonight is about you. about having fun and forgetting all the bad stuff. you’ve got this.’

you nod, taking strength from your friend’s unwavering confidence. together, you head towards the car, the promise of the party ahead a beacon of hope. as the engine roared to life, you let yourself believe, if only for a moment, that tonight could be the beginning of something new, a step towards healing and rediscovery.

the city lights blurred past as yunjin drove, chatting animatedly about the party, filling the silence with her infectious enthusiasm. by the time you arrived, a flicker of excitement sparkled within you, a small flame of anticipation amidst the shadows of her past.

turning off the engine, your friend takes one more good look at you.

‘fuck park wonbin.’

‘yeah, fuck him.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

forgetting park wonbin seemed to be a more difficult task than you had thought. all through the night your eyes were busy, sifting through the crowds, vigilant and curious as you swept over every single corner of the party you were in, in order to see if he would turn up.

it wasn’t like you were doing it on purpose, you were sure that the amount of time spent in the car reassuring and psyching yourself up were done through your genuine attempts of bravely moving on. but, as predicted, you no longer belonged to yourself. a part of you was still with wonbin, and your being desperately ached to feel whole again, with him.

‘having fun?’ you almost topple over as yunjin flings herself onto you, her arms latching around your neck as she presses kisses up your neck. you knew she wanted to be by your side the whole night, yet seeing the way her and mark were exchanging extremely intense eye contact from across the room, you pushed her towards the equally shy male and told her to enjoy yourself.

now she had returned, with a few unfamiliar faces with her, each of them waiting to be introduced as they watched the interaction between you and your best friend.

‘hey, i’m mark lee. it’s really nice to meet you,’ he’s the first to extend his hand towards you when yunjin pulls away, a bashful but nevertheless bright smile on his face as you greet him back with a firm grasp of his own hands.

‘it’s nice to meet you too. trust me, i’ve heard quite a bit about you too.’ you’re both laughing as yunjin turns red, reaching forward to playfully hit your shoulder.

‘this is my best friend donghyuck. super annoying and popular but he’s a great guy.’

a boy a couple inches taller than you steps forward, till the both of you are a few inches apart and you almost forget your composure as you stared at him. his honey kissed skin appeared ethereal, illuminated by the dim light cascading around the space you were in, beauty spots littering the expanse of his face. jet black strands fell elegantly in soft waves over his forehead, styled to perfection but still looking so effortless. his eyes were deep and warm, a shade of brown that held a quiet intensity, drawing you in.

the  jacket he had on was immediately slipped off and delicately placed around your own shoulders. how did he know you were feeling cold?

‘nice to meet you, i’m donghyuck.’

there was a charm that he possessed, one that captivated you and made you want to pay attention to whatever he was saying. such beauty was paired with genuine geniality, and you wondered how you had never come across him before. he was clearly popular, judging by the looks thrown at him by multiple different girls parading past him, but he never gave them much acknowledgement or seemed smug about it.

‘thanks for the jacket by the way,’ you express your gratitude towards him, offering him a small smile which he returns, all while yunjin shoots you a wink, pushing mark towards the middle of the dance floor and leaving you two alone.

‘it’s my pleasure. i couldn’t have you freezing to death at my party,’ you both laugh at his comment and you admire the way he is able to slip into the space next to you with ease, a wide grin on his face as he nudges you slightly.

maybe it was the small sips of alcohol you had taken, or the way the music seemed to surround you, the bass of the speakers vibrating in a steady rhythm that mimicked your heartbeat, or how the lights had paled to a vibrant blue and dancing across the walls, casting a kaleidoscope of hues over the mingling guests, but something about this atmosphere made you feel alive. your blood was pumping, everything moving in slow motion as if it was a scene in a movie.

‘this is good,’ you tilt your head back slightly, revelling in the moment, and exhale as if you were letting go of all of the problems you had prior to this. you hear a low chuckle, not needing to open your eyes to know that it was donghyuck.

‘glad you’re enjoying yourself. you look even prettier when you’re relaxed,’ your eyes flash open, trying to decipher what it was he was trying to do. but there was no ulterior motive detected by him, simply sipping from the beer can in his left hand, observing other partygoers.

as you begin to talk you notice how good of a listener he is, attentive to every word spoken, his whole body turned to face you as a show of his concentration. oddly enough, you feel safe, like you could say anything and he would take it all in. he had a way of making you feel at ease, his laughter infectious, and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, making her heart warm.

‘to be honest i wasn’t that excited to come tonight. life hasn’t been the kindest to me and i would have preferred to curl into a ball and watch 10 things i hate about you. however, it’s nice being here, forgetting about things for a while.’

‘it’s always a good idea to escape the mind. being stuck there for too long makes it like a prison that will trap you in the same darkness till you can break free.’

you nod in agreement, slowly digesting his words. you were not a stranger to being stuck in your own mind, the past two months being a testament to it.

it’s silent for a while, but nothing about it is uncomfortable. there is a serene sense of contentment, two people who feel they’re in the right place at the right time.

‘there’s something about you,’ he says after a while, that intense stare trained back on you, and you fight the urge to cower away from it.

‘is that a good something? or a bad one?’

the question is left unanswered for a time, hanging in the air and over your figures. time didn’t stop for anyone, but tonight it appeared to slow its momentum, just for you.

‘good, of course.’

you chuckle, holding your hand out for a sip of the beer he seemed to be glued to. but he just shakes his head, disappearing from your side for a second just to get you a fresh one from the cooler. when he emerges again he’s gotten rid of his empty bottle and replaced it with a new one which he sets down on the counter as he works to get yours open first.

you thank him, raising the glass to your lips, the cool liquid slipping down your throat with ease. you gulp almost half of its content down, the taste slightly bitter and tingling your tastebuds but you push through.

donghyuck laughs at the way your face scrunches, your lips pursed as you swallow your last drop. ‘not the biggest fan of beer?’

‘it’s sour and lowkey gross. i prefer cocktails.’

‘your wish is my command,’ he makes a show out of giving you a quite dramatic bow, his left hand folding to his shoulder, and then he straightens up his posture and gestures towards a corner of the kitchen that you hadn’t noticed at first, a cupboard line with a few different types of bottles.

‘there’s tequila, smirnoff, ooh thought i finished that bottle of malibu. take your pick,’ he steps aside as you ponder over what type of drink you felt like having before settling for a passionfruit martini.

‘good choice,’ he tells you, taking you a bit by surprise when he asks for your permission to lift you up to the countertop to watch him make your drink. it’s more comfortable than it looks, and you happily swing your legs back and forth, finally feeling the effects of the beer you had chugged a couple minutes prior, a lot more talkative.

you find yourself enjoying his company a lot more than you thought you would and make a mental note to thank yunjin for pushing to make this all happen. it had been a while since you had taken a step out of your wonbin-centred universe and enjoyed conversation that had nothing to do with him.

for a moment, the shadow of park wonbin faded, replaced by the brightness of this new connection. donghyuck’s presence was like a balm, soothing the raw edges of your heart. the party continued around you, but in that corner, it felt like you were both in your own little world.

as the night wore on you both found yourself  outside on the balcony, the cool night air a refreshing contrast to the hellish warmth generated from all of the other bodies packed together.

the stars above sparkled like distant promises, and the city lights swindled like a million unspoken dreams. you close your eyes for a moment, soaking in the serenity of the night.

‘you know,’ donghyuck said after a while, his eyes fixed on the skyline, ‘there’s something special about nights like this. it’s like the word slows down and for a moment, everything just… makes sense.’

he’s about to vocalise your thoughts perfectly, and you nod in agreement. ‘yeah, i think i know what you mean.’

‘can i ask you something,’ donghyuck’s voice cut through the gentle murmur of the night, his tone carrying a weight of earnestness that shifted the atmosphere around you. his words hung in the air, a quiet intensity that demanded your attention, drawing your gaze to his face illuminated by the ambient light of the balcony.

you turn to him, curious and slightly apprehensive, yet undeniably intrigued by the change in his demeanour.

‘can i have your number?’

donghyuck sees the way your mouth opens, shock painted on your features, knowing enough to sense a rejection and he interjects, sensing your hesitation.

‘i’m not asking you out or anything, trust me. i just think we would be good friends. i like talking to you,’ he reassures you and you see sincerity in his eyes, a genuine desire to connect without any ulterior motives.

he was a great guy, and you were sure that in an alternative universe where both the name and sight of park wonbin had no sort of effect on you, the possibility of him having any sort of romantic feelings towards the end of the night wouldn’t have scared you as much. but this was the real world and your heart and mind were far too broken to entertain the idea of someone else taking over your life again.

‘yeah,’ you finally managed, your voice betraying a moment of vulnerability. ‘i’d like that too.’

relief washes over donghyuck’s face, a small smile tugging on his lips.

‘i don’t just give my phone number out to anyone you know. consider yourself lucky,’ you joke, in an attempt to ease the small amount of tension that had found itself between the two of you since you had met, hoping he wouldn’t take too much offence to your reaction and taking the unlocked mobile device out of his hands to fill out the contact information.

‘i’m sure i am.’

‘how are you getting home?’ he asks when his phone is finally back in his possession, saving the information on his phone before putting it down and turning his attention back to you, awaiting an answer to his question.

‘eager to get rid of me are we?’ you quip, raising an eyebrow in false disbelief and even making a show of crossing your arms across your chest and pushing off of the railing you were leaning on so you could be standing directly in front of him. he mirrors your body language, shaking his head, rapidly trying to reassure you.

‘i just want to make sure you get home safely.’

although this task proves to be quite difficult, given that yunjin has retreated to mark’s room for the night due to her less than sober state, and every other person that was around had also been drinking a sizeable amount. even trying to get a taxi at this time was in vain, given that it was quite late and nobody was around the area.

donghyuck has his eyes glued to his phone screen, bottom lip caught between his teeth. he raises his hand just to scratch the back of his head and you can see the cogs in his head turning, figuring out a way to approach the situation.

‘i mean you could stay over. i can take the couch and you would be able to sleep in my bed,’ he offers, and you feel bad because as much as you would like for him to get some good rest after the chaos of hosting a party all night, it was the only viable option.

he searches your face for confirmation and can tell how torn you are, ‘it’s fine, i promise.’ 

‘it’s fine,’ he repeats.

so even though it kills you to see him have to take refuge on the semi-hard couch in the middle of the living room that still had remnants of the party that was going on not even two hours before, you follow him up the stairs as he leads you to his room, checking to see that you’re behind him before opening the door.

‘got some spare clothes for you to change into here. um the bathroom is free for you to use too, i’m sure there’s some cleanser in the top cabinet to wipe off your makeup. anything else?’ your heart warms at how accommodating he’s being, giving you his clothes, allowing you to use his things, and even taking his bed.

‘i’ll leave you to get changed.’

‘wait, hyuck,’ you stop him just as he’s about to leave and he turns around, leaning his body onto the now half opened door. ‘thanks, for everything.’

‘my pleasure, sleep well princess,’ he flashes you a smile and then he’s gone and you can hear the soft thuds of him descending down the stairs, talking to who you assume is one of his housemates.

you hate to appear nosy but curiosity takes over you as you examine the things in his room. michael jackson vinyls, posters of a few indie bands, tame impala being the one that caught your eye first, an impressive collection of accessories. everything was just like he was, cool, chic, and a little playful.

his clothes are a little big for you, but you find comfort in the way it swamps around your frame, and it smells just like him. you’re surprised at how clean his bathroom is, a questionable amount of both feminine hygiene products as well as makeup wipes, micellar water and even some cleansing wipes.

‘charming,’ you thought to yourself, picking out the things you need, noting how a lot of it was fairly unused, before starting your bedtime routine.

discarding the used cotton pads and closing the lid of the bottle of the micellar solution, you close the tap, doing a quick once over of yourself in the mirror. the hand towels laid out neatly on the side are used to dry your damp hands and fold it neatly before walking back into his room.

it was gratifying, slipping into some clean sheets, basking in the warmth it provided you as you sank further and further under. but, as you expected, it was hard for you to actually fall asleep. you lay on your back, staring at the ceiling willing yourself to cave in to the restlessness you were feeling. yet try as you might it just didn’t work.

sighing, you turn over to look at the time on your phone that was charging on the bedside table. 3:02am and there were still failed attempts of getting you to sleep. groaning, you decide that perhaps some chamomile tea, or maybe even some warm milk could aid you.

it’s dead silent and you’re afraid of waking anyone up so you result in creeping down the stairs, on your tiptoes to make the minimal amount of noise you possibly could. apart from a couple of creaks in the floorboards it was relatively easy.

‘are you alright?’ donghyuck’s voice startles you, even though he’s only whispering and your hand automatically flies to your mouth to stifle a scream.

the lights in the living room are dim, the tv on albeit low in volume, but it’s not hard to tell that despite all of this he’s not comfortable. the spare sheets he was using were tossed to the side, and the constant rolling of his neck indicated that, as you thought, sleeping in that position was unpleasant.

‘can’t sleep?’ you ask him, and he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits up a little straighter. he reaches for his glasses, something you weren’t aware he wore and he perches it onto the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his hair.

‘i knew i shouldn’t have listened to jaemin about getting the cheaper couch. the expensive ones are pricey for a reason i guess,’ he jokes, but all you can do is feel bad. you can tell he wants to lighten the mood, to try as much as he can to not let it weigh on your conscience, but all it does is make you feel worse.

‘sleep with me,’ the words are out before you can even consider how it could be construed in the wrong way and the way his mouth hangs open makes you want to die of embarrassment.

‘not- no i meant- not like that,’ you’re stuttering, stumbling over your words, trying to correct your minor mistake.

‘i just meant i can see how uncomfortable it is sleeping out here, your room is big enough for the both of us to share.’

‘oh no, i don’t want to-’

‘hyuck please. you’re not making me uneasy in any way i promise. it’s your room anyway,’ you cut him off because you know exactly what he was going to say. from the small amount of time you spent with him you could gauge how much of a gentleman he was, and his efforts of being as respectable as possible didn’t go unnoticed.

‘please.’

he’s quick to give in, partially because he was eager to be able to ease the tension forming in the back of his neck, but also because he knew you wouldn’t give in until he listened.

‘fine, if you’re sure.’

he’s extremely cautious, letting you lead the way even though it was his own room, debating whether closing the door after him would make things seem a little too intimate. he opts for closing it, mainly because the light in the hallway was too distracting, but he still hovers over the bed, not really knowing what to do with himself.

‘what are you doing?’ you question him, slipping back under the covers before watching him from the position on the bed. judging by the things in his bathroom you were fairly certain this wasn’t the first time he’d shared a room with a girl. and it wasn’t like either of you had any other intentions.

‘don’t make this weird hyuck.’

it wasn’t your goal to make him laugh, but seeing the rigidity ease out of his form, you’re happy regardless as the right side of the bed dips slightly underneath his weight

he offers you a shy smile, his eyes warm and reassuring. ‘i’ll sleep on the edge, promise,” he said lightly, trying to ease any lingering awkwardness.

you chuckle softly, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “it’s fine, really,” you reply, feeling an unexpected sense of ease.

at first you lay on your side, facing away from him, but the space between the both of you was filled with a comforting presence. the room was dark, but the moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow.

your eyelids drooped, heavy with weariness as the weight of the whole day's activities fall upon your body, weighing you down. as you close your eyes, you feel the warmth of donghyuck’s body close to yours, a steady and calming presence. his breathing was a soothing rhythm, a lullaby that began to chase away the lingering thoughts about wonbin. there was a safety in the silence, a peace you hadn’t felt in a while.

donghyuck’s voice, soft and low, broke the quiet. “if you need anything, just wake me up,” he murmured, his tone filled with genuine care.

you nod, though you doubted you’d need to. for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt truly safe. the weight of the past seemed lighter, the shadows receding as you nestled into the comfort of the present. with donghyuck beside you, the world outside faded, leaving only the tranquillity of the moment.

sleep came easily,  your last thoughts a whisper of gratitude for the unexpected connection that had brought you peace.  maybe it was the small amount of alcohol still buzzing in your system, or the familiarity of your body next to another, that made you scoot just a little bit closer, body heat radiating off of one another as you let yourself be wrapped in the arms of another man.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the first thing you noticed when your eyes fluttered open slowly was the small but constant pounding settled in your temple. it made you wince, fingers rushing to massage the sore spot as you turned over in your space.

your hands reach out for something, but it’s empty and you frown. memories of the night before come flooding in bit by bit, and you sigh as the back of your head meets the pillow.

the sound of footsteps makes you sit up on your elbows, attempting to not look half asleep to donghyuck. instead you were met with the face of your suspiciously cheerful best friend, bounding through the doorway and flopping down on the bed right next to you.

‘morning sleeping beauty,’ she greets you, planting a sloppy kiss on your cheek and giggling at the way you pretend to be disgusted by it.

‘why are you so happy so early in the morning?’ you’re still feeling a little bit groggy, hair sticking up all over the place and you were sure you had a lot less to drink than yunjin did. so it made you wonder how she looked to be in a better position than you.

‘mark asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday.’

‘yunjin are you serious? that’s amazing.’

‘i know, i know, i’ll tell you all about it later. hyuck sent me upstairs to get you for breakfast,’ you’re both clearly excited, squealing like little girls, but it’s hard to ignore the low growl erupting from your stomach.

‘fine, you have to tell me every little detail later.’

you scramble out of bed, only now noticing the neat pile of clothes that donghyuck had folded for you to wear this morning. pulling the hoodie over your head and the basketball shorts up your thighs, you’re making your way downstairs, yunjin right by your side.

‘hey, you’re awake,’ donghyuck is the first one to spot you as you trail behind yunjin, suddenly feeling a little self conscious in the middle of the unfamiliar faces dotted around the kitchen.

he’s right in front of the stove, cracked egg shells in the palm of his hands as he mixes some batter for pancakes. gesturing for you to move closer, you can’t help but keep your gaze trained on the floor as you weave through the crowd that was starting to form.  his roommates, the ones you had briefly met last night, scattered around the table, turning their heads in unison, grinning mischievously as you approached.

you know what it looks like, coming out of donghyuck’s room, drowning in his clothes, and now he’s messing with the strings, pulling you in closer to mess with your hair. you can hear them whispering, teasing, the not so subtle whistling, it makes you feel even more shy as you try to move out of donghyuck’s reach and next to yunjin, even though all of her attention was focused on mark.

one of his roomates leaned back in his chair, a sly grin spreading across his face. ‘i hope his bed wasn’t too uncomfortable,’ he says, winking at you.

donghyuck rolled his eyes, but there was a lightness to his expression as he glanced at you.

‘hyuck’s never made food for the girls he brings over. it must be a miracle,’ a guy whose hair is a platinum blonde speaks up smirking, but his jokes seem to be directed more at hyuck than you.

‘cut it out guys. we just slept, nothing else,’ he points the spatula right at him, understanding what he was implying as  the boy raising his hands in defeat.

‘oh, just slept ,huh?’ another boy chimes in, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘you two seemed pretty cosy when we peeked in this morning.’

your blush deepend, and you can feel hyuck’s embarrassment matching yours.

‘seriously, guys, give it a rest,” he said, setting a plate of pancakes on the table with a mock glare.

you shuffle awkwardly on your feet, praying that the focal point shifts away from you. one of the guys, you believe he introduced himself as jaemin, is the first to apologise, letting you know that he meant no harm.

‘our entire friendship is built on the foundation of embarrassing hyuck as much as possible.’

 jeno, the cute guy who started the teasing, follows suit, ‘i was just messing with him, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.’

you knew it was all just friendly banter, and it wasn’t exactly their fault that you weren’t the most sociable in front of new people so you let them know you weren’t offended or anything.

‘i think i’ve seen you around somewhere,’ jaemin tells you, pulling out a chair that surrounded the kitchen island so you could hop up first, all whilst hyuck was finishing flipping some pancakes.

‘me? from where?’

‘oh yeah, aren’t you wonbin’s friend? park wonbin.’

the mention of his name made your stomach drop. anxious, blinking back tears. everything came flooding back, all of your emotions going haywire and you have to turn away from them so you don’t give yourself away. the pain is excruciating, enough to make you light headed and your throat instantly tightens.

‘um- i wouldn’t exactly- um- call us friends,’ your grip on the kitchen counter increases, but the way your voice wavers makes donghyuck turn around, barely catching the stray tear that starts sliding down your cheek before you hastily wipe it away.

‘leave her alone and go about your day,’ he scolds his friend, motioning towards the door.

‘i thought the pancakes were for all of us?’

‘out. leave us alone.’

you’re both left alone in a comfortable silence and you’re grateful for donghyuck’s help in getting them to drop it. ‘hyuck,’ you call out to him, wanting to thank him.

‘we don’t have to talk about it. for now, we eat.’

a stack of pancakes are placed in front of you, syrup spread in a smiley face, mirroring the one on his face, and your shoulders relax, exhaling in relief.

‘let’s eat.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

your mind wanders back to the past two months and the unexpected bond that had formed between you and donghyuck. your conversations had become a daily comfort, his easy laughter and genuine concern a balm to your still-healing heart. 

he had been more than a distraction—he had been a true friend. from the late-night talks about your hopes and fears to the impromptu outings that filled you with a sense of normalcy, donghyuck had been there, steadfast and supportive.

his presence was a reminder that not all connections needed to be painful, that new friendships could be forged in the wake of old heartaches.

park wonbin was slowly but surely phasing out of your daily life and you were beginning to get back to your former self- more sociable, less self conscious, no longer weighed down by anxiety and dark thoughts.

your phone buzzes on the table in front of you, lighting up momentarily and displaying donghyuck’s name, and a string of messages he had just sent you.

hey picasso

how’s the art project going?

i’m hungry, are you free for lunch?

please say yes i don’t want to sit by myself :(

you chuckle quietly, your fingers moving to reply to his message to tell him that you would eat with him before setting your phone down.

almost immediately, his reply came through.

it’s my treat <3

you chuckled, shaking your head at another one of donghyuck’s little gestures, always finding ways to make you feel special. putting your phone down again, you feel a wave of gratitude wash over you. donghyuck had been a beacon of light in your life, guiding you through the darkness of your breakup with wonbin. spending time with him was always a joy, and he had quickly become a safe harbour, a place where you could simply be yourself.

packing up your art supplies, the soft chime of your phone stops you in your tracks, and you temporarily place your bag on the floor to glance at the screen, a new message from hyuck sending you the address of the restaurant as well as the name.

the name of the restaurant, ‘arang’, jumps out at you and your breath hitches as memories surge forward, unbidden. you hadn’t been there in almost a year, not since the last time with wonbin. the thought of him made your chest tighten as you close your eyes, letting yourself be momentarily swept away by the flood of recollections.

the first time you visited arang, it was a chilly winter evening. snowflakes gently drifted down, settling on your hair as wonbin laughed and brushed them away. you remembered the warm, inviting glow of the restaurant's facade, the way the soft lighting inside bathed everything in a cozy, golden light. you had sat by the window, watching the snowfall outside, your fingers intertwined over the table. the homely aroma of korean cuisine, the clinking of glasses, and the soft murmur of conversation had created a cocoon of intimacy around you both.

you shake your head, trying to dispel the vivid images. the past was in the past, there was no use of dwelling on it. plus the possibility of this day being the one that he also decides he wants to visit is slim, and you’re not even sure he would be around today, given that thursdays he usually didn’t have any classes and he would use this day for basketball practice.

you become akin to a robot, repeating this over and over again in your head, trying to convince your body- which has started to go into panic mode- that everything was fine and you were just overthinking.

stepping out of the school building after a visit to your locker you make your way to the restaurant. the familiar streets passed by in a blur, each step bringing you closer to a place filled with both joy and sorrow. it’s only when you see hyuck bounding towards you, arms outstretched, that your anxiety dissolves and you allow him to pull you into a bone-crushing hug, muttering something about how everyone but you had abandoned him.

‘i thought i was going to have to eat alone, nobody else wanted to come with me,’ is the first thing he tells you, clearly happy that you were here.

‘so you’re saying i was your last choice?’

‘no no no. i’m saying you’re my saviour,’ he loops his arms with your own, dragging you inside with him just as a couple is walking out. you let donghyuck go ahead whilst you kindly let them come out first.

‘hey -,’ the familiar voice calling your name makes you freeze, all limbs in your body stuck, rooted in the spot you were standing. donghyuck notices how you’re no longer beside him and turns around but is distracted by the waiter approaching him.

your mouth is dry, ominous thoughts squirming in the back of your mind as what felt like cold spider like fingers raced up and down your spine. you wanted to speak, to seem totally unbothered and unaffected like you thought you were. yet you couldn’t get words to come out.

the familiar figure of wonbin emerged from the sea of faces, his presence like a sharp pang to your chest. he stood tall and confident, his fingers laced between ning ning’s, her face practically glowing as she beams up at him, his eyes flickering to yours for a split second before landing on hers, leaning down, his touch gentle as he presses a kiss onto her cheek.

the feeling of a shard in your gut encompasses you, taking over all sensory input, comparable to death and bereavement as it washes over you like gruelling waves, choking the breath from your body and short circuiting your mind.

wonbin’s eyes met yours, a smug tugging at the corner of his lips because even though you haven’t said a word yet, he knows your body, how it reacts when you’re nervous, or when you had been disappointed by something he had did. you weren’t over him yet, and that was all he needed from you, blind devotion- just like it had always been.

his gaze was a calculated blend of charm and cruelty, a silent reminder of the control he had once exerted over your heart.

ning ning looks at you, sincere concern etched onto her features at the fact that you had not spoken, your skin paling and hands trembling.

‘are you alright?’ 

your throat is burning, eyes blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay, but you push through the pain and struggle to answer.

‘i-i’m fine, enjoy your day,’ you don’t give them a chance to reply as you turn and dart away from them, neck craning to try and find donghyuck.

you spot him at a table towards the back of the restaurant, waving to get your attention and sprint over, practically collapsing in your seat.

‘was that.. park wonbin?’ he’s careful, aware of the many times your body would stiffen up at the mention of him, or how you avoided talking about him as much as possible whenever he was brought up in conversation. he didn’t want to pry into something that clearly made you uncomfortable.

you nod in confirmation, debating whether or not you should tell him the full story. it was humiliating just thinking about how he would react when he heard how a simple boy had the ability to turn your whole life upside down. how suffocating it was just to see him in the vicinity of other girls, or how much grief it caused you to specifically see ning ning, when she was the one he chose and not you. 

despite all of this, donghyuck had been an amazing friend to you, and you felt that now was the right time to tell him the full truth. and that’s what you told him, starting from the day you first met, the addition of ning ning in the both of your lives and even how you continued to stay with him.

you expected him to look at you with disgust, or to judge you or even be disappointed. but donghuck was quiet, listening to every word you had to say, not once giving his own input.

‘pathetic right? i wouldn’t know what to say either.’

‘no that’s not it. i just thought about how upsetting it must have been. pouring your heart out for someone and getting nothing in return from them.’

‘he loved me. i guess he just- i must have done something to make him stop,’ it’s a habit of yours, rushing to wonbin’s defence whenever anything unfavourable is said about him. you don’t want him to be the bad guy in the story.

he frowns at your words, reaching out for your hand, ‘ please don’t take this the wrong way. you’re not the problem, he is.’

‘what do you mean?’

‘he was using you. using your kindness, your devotion to him, the way you loved him. and he was using that for his own gain, to feel good about himself. and then when you tried to push the boundary he put you in, he abandoned you,’ he explains, and although they were words you had heard before, namely from an extremely infuriated yunjin, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept it, to accept that park wonbin was not good.

‘that’s not true, he didn’t use me.’

‘it’s hard to hear, i understand. regardless, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing that you did that can explain why he’s acting like that,’ donghyuck pities you, seeing how reluctant you are to think badly of him. to love excessively is to be blind to all of the ugly parts of the person, shielding yourself away from it.

‘but-’

‘i’m speaking from experience, trust me. i know all about giving your everything to someone, loving them earnestly, thinking that they felt the same, only for them to throw it back in your face,’ it’s the first time you’re hearing about this, seeing a normally cheerful donghyuck change into a forlorn figure, appearing uncharacteristically apprehensive.

‘she left me, all alone when i needed her the most. it hit me so hard, i was sure that i would never be able to feel again. that i would just be numb and broken forever,’ he feels willing to share his own story, to offer you a beacon of light to what you felt was a hopeless situation.

‘that’s why i was so interested in you that night. that calibre of heartbreak, i recognised myself in the sadness of your eyes, feeling uneasy and restless, i understood it all before you even had to tell me your story,’ suddenly that night made more sense to you, why he was so attentive, unwilling to let you out of his sight, going the extra mile just to make you feel comfortable.

‘i see my old self in you, that’s why. we’ve got to build that self confidence all the way up.’

‘everyone deserves love- well not everyone- but you definitely do. you’re a good girl- not in the kinky sense, wow i have got to stop-‘

‘hyuck,’ you cut him off before he can ramble on any further, a habit of his you had picked up on due to his overactive sense of imagination and his inability to multitask.

‘sorry. what i’m trying to say is you’re pretty, a good person, funny and you’re smart as fuck. any guy would be lucky to have you.’

‘you’re just saying that.’

‘i mean it though,’ his face softens, and it’s the most sincere look you’ve seen from hyuck since the first time you met him.

‘you might not believe it now, but trust me. that’s what i’m here for, project mend your heart and make you confident.’

‘and who else but the sexiest man alive to be of assistance.’

you’re laughing, genuine laughter which was something that seemed to become more common when with donghyuck.

‘jeno would beg to differ,’ you tease him mindlessly, a throw away comment that didn’t have much meaning to it. but in true hyuck fashion, everything had to be dramatic.

‘i knew it. i knew you wanted to fuck him,’ he points at you, shouting louder than he should have been in a restaurant, and you sink further into your seat in embarrassment, whilst he mouths quick apologies and bows his head to the few curious customers that turned in your direction.

‘i never said i wanted to fuck him, where did you get that from?,’ your voice is hushed, cheeks flushed as you fight the urge to reach over the table putting a distance between you two and throttle him.

‘well you just inadvertently said you thought he was sexy. what’s the next step from that? begging him to fuck.’

you crinkle your nose in disgust, donghyuck acting like he had uncovered some kind of dirty secret, looking rather smug as he folded his arms over his chest.

‘maybe in a teen fiction book. that’s not how things work in the real world stupid. 

‘of course it does. people who are attracted to other people normally end up having sex,’ he states as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world, backed by scientific evidence.

‘not true. i think you’re sexy too but i’d rather keel over and die than be sexually intimate with you.’

but you instantly regret saying that when you see how his eyebrow quirks, his smile becomes a smirk and he leans in towards you.

‘so what i’m hearing is-‘

‘no, you’re not hearing anything. shut up and eat,’ you’re shoving cooked chicken into his mouth before he can have another outburst and bring more shame to your table.

giving up, he takes the tongs out of your hands to put some in your own bowl, placing the pork belly on the grill next.

you both eat in relative silence, enjoying the food, with occasional comments about how good the food is.

‘so-‘ donghyuck speaks up after almost five minutes of no conversation.

you can already tell he’s going to say something stupid by the way he’s raised his eyebrow, leaning forward on his elbows.

‘you think i’m sexy huh?’

‘i’m starting to regret meeting you for lunch.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

it was becoming a regular occurrence for you to be dragged out of whatever comfortable position you were in on a saturday evening, yanked out from under the comfort of your duvet by your friends just so you could hang out. tonight was not any different, only this time you were struggling to understand why you were even called out.

‘i don’t know why you invited me and hyuck on a double date, we’re not in a relationship,’ you tell yunjin who pretends like she can’t hear you, allowing herself to be swept away into the arms of her boyfriend, only turning around to stick her tongue out at you and you huff at her childishness.

it had been such a long week and as much as you loved hanging out with these three, another episode of it’s okay to not be okay was calling your name. well, more like another hour of drooling over kim soohyun but that's besides the point.

‘yeah, even though she wants to be with me so badly,’ donghyuck appears beside you, arm lazily hung over your shoulder as he teases you, even going as far as puckering his lips, pretending to ask for a kiss.

you shove him, and he narrowly misses the gigantic pole a few cm away from his face. turning towards you with narrow eyes he lunges forward, successfully grabbing you by the sleeve of your jacket and tugging you closer to him.

‘let me go lee donghyuck, i swear to god,’ your pleas fall on deaf ears, as he’s too busy tickling you to care for your empty threats, enjoying how you’re squirming in his hold and using one arm to hold you up by the waist so you don’t fall.

‘cant hear you over the sound of your squeals.’

‘you two act like this and then wonder why so many people think you’re together,’ the couple who were once further ahead realised that both of you were no longer beside them, and turned around to see you in the predicament you were currently in. yunjin crosses her arm as she stands in place, but contrary to her posture she’s smiling. mark adorns a similar look, content that the two of you got along so well. he remembered how distressed yunjin was whenever they met up four months ago, before they started dating, worried about you, wondering when you would be happy again.

meanwhile you freeze in his hold, and donghyuck stops, looking down to see your face.

‘do people really think that? that me and donghyuck are dating?’ panic is evident in your tone, by the way your voice shakes.

‘donghyuck can’t be that bad,’ mark jokes, not gauging the way the atmosphere had changed a little bit.

‘it’s not that. it’s just- do you think wonbin will think that too,’ you ask to no-one in particular. you vowed to stop talking about him, figuring your friends were tired of hearing you speak about him time and time again. the words became forbidden from spilling from your lips, and it felt almost foreign for you to say it again.

‘fuck wonbin. who cares what he thinks. he has no right to have any opinion on who you are or aren’t dating,’ there’s a fire in yunjin’s eye, one that tells you she means every word she says and you bow your head, choosing to focus on your shoes instead of meeting the eyes of the three standing in front of you.

mark seemed to be the only one unaware of the whole situation, and looks to donghyuck, thinking they were in the same position. but when he tells you he agrees with yunjin, and rubs your shoulder, he realises he’s the only one. you had seen mark quite a lot in the past three months, but he knew it was probably something you didn’t want to talk about for now, especially because although you had developed a decent friendship, you weren’t exactly best friends. although he did have to wonder how donghyuck found out.

‘we should get going, we’re going to be late,’ your desire to change the subject causes you to shift the focus on to something else, namely the restaurant that you had planned to go to. you know that yunjin wouldn’t easily forget this conversation, that within this week you would end up having a serious talk about your feelings for he who shall not be named. but for now she shows you mercy, pulling mark along with her to lead the way.

in a matter of minutes you arrive at your destination, a dimly lit pan-asian restaurant, decorated with japanese kanji on the walls and various references to koi fish. you’re immediately greeted by a server, leading you to a table for four almost in the middle of the restaurant.

donghyuck, being the gentleman he is, helps you slip out of the thin cardigan you were wearing before pulling your chair out for you and pushing it closer to the table once you were sat, whilst mark mirrored those same actions.

hyuck was animatedly recounting a funny story from his high school days, his expressive gestures making you all laugh. he always added the right amount of exaggeration to achieve the art of storytelling. the conversation was flowing smoothly, laughter erupting here and there, so much so that you almost didn’t notice the figure approaching your table.

‘mark? hyuck? fancy seeing you guys here,’ it’s ning ning in all of her beauty, and you curse yourself for falling into a trance, admiring how perfectly her hair was styled, and the way the dress she wore fit her body like a glove. a leather trench coat was draped around her shoulders underneath the black dior saddle bag, matching with the pumps that clothed her feet. anyone with eyes could see that ning ning was alluring, the words pretty or cute would be lost on someone as perfectly crafted as her.

your instincts cause you to fearfully scan the room, half expecting wonbin to be not too far behind just like last time, but instead you could see the group of girls waiting at the table she had just left, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

‘hey ning ning, it’s been a while.’ you’re surprised that she even knows mark, until you’re told about the music class they share and small flashes of them sharing a stage for the school's summer festival flash in your mind. her energy is enthralling, captivating the attention of everyone at the table, drawing them in with her kind smile and envy courses through your blood at the quality you’re unable to share with her, your personality paling in comparison to hers.

you’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t even hear her asking a question, until everyone turns towards you, and you’re met with four sets of eyes on you.

‘i’m sorry i didn’t hear what you said, i think it’s the noise in here,’ you blame it on the music that plays fairly softly in the background, and the small bustle of conversations surrounding you, but if she had picked up on your poor attempt of an excuse, she didn’t seem to show it.

‘i was just asking if you were feeling better. last time i saw you i was quite worried.’

it’s frustrating, how much you would prefer for her to be a bitch, so you could justify any sort of hatred aimed towards her, and spend your time speaking ill of her just to satisfy the dull ache in your chest. instead she was lovely, extremely compassionate and totally unaware of the despair that her mere presence brought you.

‘i’m fine now,’ you don’t mean to sound so cold but it’s hard for you to muster up the strength to push aside your feelings, so you offer her a tight-lipped smile, one that has the corner of your lips quivering from how hard you force it to stay up.

‘that’s good to hear, you definitely look a lot better.’

‘oh i’m sorry, is this a double date?’ she asks, as if the revelation had just dawned on her that two boys and two girls sat together at a restaurant on saturday evening, dressed a bit more fancily for it to be a simple hangout.

you wanted to correct her, to protest her statement but you feel donghyuck pinching your knee under the table  and he answers for you, ‘yes we actually are.’

you’re perplexed, unsure of what reason he would need to lie, but you figure he would explain things to you after she left.

‘aww that’s so cute, i’ve always wanted to go on one of those,’ more small talk is made, but you’re stuck staring at hyuck’s face, trying to decipher his thoughts but failing miserably.

‘i’ll leave you guys to it, enjoy your night,’ ning ning finally departs from your table, calling out over her shoulder as the rest of her friends also rise to their feets, signalling their exits. you wait till you see the last girl push past the swinging doors before you lightly hit donghyuck on his shoulder.

‘why didn’t you tell her we’re not dating? this is definitely not a double date and you know that.’

he shrugs his shoulders in response, like it wasn’t a big deal before he answers. ‘because what good would it do her if she knew.’

you’re even more confused now by what he’s saying. does he mean that both of you should pretend to be in a relationship like the main characters of a romance novel?

‘so are you saying we should fake date?’

‘is this another one of your schemes to get me to fall in love with you?’ he jokes, and you realise that you seem to be taking this a lot more seriously than he is.

‘hyuck,’ you warn him.

‘i’m just saying if people think we are, do we really need to keep on explaining. it’s nobody’s business and it doesn’t hurt to look unavailable when you’re clearly not interested in dating at the moment.’

‘that’s true, it’s not like you’re going around telling people. plus if people think you two are dating they’ll stop with their stupid questions,’ yunjin agrees with his sentiment, and you pick up on a further ulterior motive, one which involves preventing wonbin from trying to swoop back in and sweep you off of your feet when he feels like it. she doesn’t say this out loud, but the look she shares with donghyuck speaks for itself.

‘whatever, all of this talk about dating makes me nauseous,’ it was meant to be received as a joke, but your voice, tinged with a mixture of bitterness and sadness, causes hyuck and yunjin to exchange concerned glances.

ning ning had just left the table after a cordial exchange, yet the atmosphere felt heavy, laden with unsaid words and unspoken truths, the lively hum of conversations from other diners providing a comforting backdrop for the lingering tension in the air.

mark looks around, blinking slowly, sensing the change but seemingly the only one unaware of its cause.

‘something tells me you all know something i don’t.’

you take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as you feel dongyuck’s reassuring presence besides you, his hands gently resting on your shoulder.

‘ning ning is…. well, she’s dating my ex-boyfriend, wonbin,’ you began, your voice steady but laced with an undercurrent of pain. ‘it’s a long story, and not a very happy one.’

mark’s expression softened, and he leaned in slightly, giving you his full attention. ‘you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. but I’m here to listen if you want to share.”

you nod, appreciating his sensitivity. “thanks, mark. i think it’s time you knew,’ taking another deep breath you continued.

‘when i was with wonbin everything was perfect, he was charming, attentive, and made me feel special. i thought i had finally found the one.’

you pause, the memories swirling in your mind as you take a big gulp. yunjin reached across the table, taking your hand in a comforting grip and you drew strength from her touch.

‘he told me that he didn’t like ning ning, and that he was dating her only in public just for appearances. it sounds stupid now but i really wanted to believe it, and i did. eventually i got tired of everything, i wanted to be the only one, to make things public and that’s when he got upset and told me he didn’t love me. he left me for her, ning ning.’

mark’s eyes widened with shock and sympathy. ‘that’s awful, i’m so sorry you went through that.’

his expressions were open and earnest, and you felt relief that he didn’t judge you and instead showed genuine sympathy. 

‘i can’t imagine how tough that must be. but you’re incredibly strong for getting through it and for sharing this with us. you don’t have to face it alone.”

yunjin squeezes your hand tighter. ‘we’re all here for you. you don’t have to carry this burden by yourself.’

‘and we’ll make sure to keep things light and fun. like, i can always offer to trip wonbin if he ever shows his face around us again,’ you couldn’t help but laugh, the tension easing slightly as mark also chuckles, the mood lifting with shared laughter.

as the evening progressed, the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the supportive presence of your friends helping to ease the pain of the past. though the memories of your relationship with wonbin still lingered, you knew you weren’t alone, surrounded by friends who cared deeply for you.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the next day ning ning joins wonbin in his room after a long day of classes, looking to relax in his presence. instead she’s met with the sight of him slouching in his gaming chair, his hair a fluffy mess, wearing only a black tank top and basketball shorts, making her feel out of place in her pleated skirt and corset top. kicking off her shoes she settles for the edge of his bed, settling into relative silence as she’s left to scroll on her phone. a picture she had taken at the dinner last night reminding her of who she saw.

‘i saw that friend of yours, the one at the game and at the bbq place too. she was at the same restaurant as we were.’

‘oh really?’ wonbin is uninterested, eyes focused on the game, cursing under his breath at the death of one of his teammates, furiously manoeuvring the buttons on his controller, almost forgetting that his girlfriend was in the vicinity.

‘she was on a date. well a double date actually,’ ning ning continues, choosing to move as closely to him as was possible despite his lack of focus on her.

unknowingly the controller slips from his hands, and he freezes, sure that he had misheard what she had said.

‘a date?’ he repeats in disbelief. the person that he knew you as wouldn’t even be able to bring herself to have romantic feelings for another guy, let alone boldly accepting a date with one.

‘yeah. why is that so shocking?’ she kneels down to pick up the console and hand it to him and he has to fight to conceal how he truly feels, just so that she doesn’t suspect anything.

‘no reason, she's just- you know pretty shy and stuff. didn’t think she would be the type,’ the lie easily falls out of his mouth, and he almost applauds himself for how convincing it sounds as ning ning hums and nods her head, aware of the few times she had encountered her how little she spoke.

‘she seemed super extraverted when i saw her. and her and donghyuck, they look so cute together,’ unaware of the change in wonbin’s expression ning ning continues to talk about last night, all whilst wonbin is left to think.

he’s unsure how the two of you even became acquainted, given that he was one of the most popular people in school. the thought of you moving on was one he had never factored in, so sure that no matter how he played it you would always be putty in his arms, dancing to whatever tune he set. 

was it all a lie when you begged for him, telling him it was impossible for you to move on? he’s not sure what the emotion he’s feeling is called, but it burns inside of him and he’s not feeling good about it.

a flash of anger crossed wonbin’s face, but he quickly masked it with a tight smile. ‘i see. so, she’s dating donghyuck now?’

ning ning shrugged, not sensing the shift in his demeanor. ‘it seemed like it. they were really sweet together. anyway, how have you been? I missed you.’

wonbin’s mind raced, anger and jealousy twisting inside him. how dare she move on so easily? he had always controlled the narrative, made her feel insignificant, and now she was out there, smiling and happy without him. the thought infuriated him.

‘i’ve been fine,’ he replied curtly, his tone betraying his inner turmoil. ‘tell me more about this double date. what were they doing?

still unaware of his growing anger, ning ning began recounting the evening. wonbin’s grip on the armrest tightened, his knuckles turning white. ‘it sounds like everyone had a good time,’ he said through gritted teeth.

finally noticing the tension in his voice, she stopped and looked at him with concern. ‘wonbin, are you okay? you seem upset.”

he forced a smile, shaking his head. ‘i’m fine. just a bit tired, that’s all.’ she reaches out, touching his hand gently. ‘if something's bothering you, you can tell me. you know that, right?’

‘i know, thanks babe. it’s just been a long day. let’s not talk about the double dates anymore.

ning ning nodded, sensing that it was best to let the topic drop. she shifted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘alright. let’s just relax and enjoy the evening together.’

as she snuggled against him, wonbin wrapped an arm around her, his thoughts still fixated on you. he couldn’t stand the idea of you being happy without him, and he resolved to find a way to regain control over the situation.

it prompts him to decide to ask about it the next day at school, desperate to find out more. wonbin’s features twisted into a determined scowl, last night’s revelation still echoing in his mind, fueling a mix of jealousy and indignation. you, the one he was so sure he would always have a hold one, had moved on with donghyuck. the thought gnawed at him, stirring a toxic concoction of anger and resentment.

he spotted shotaro, known for his sunny disposition and extensive network of friends, intercepting him near his lockers, his voice clipped with urgency. ‘shorato, i need to ask you something, i heard a rumour yesterday.

‘sure, wonbin, what’s up?’ shotaro, always obliging, nodded and adjusted his backpack.

‘i heard that donghuck has a new girlfriend,’ he puts effort into appearing nonchalant, scrolling on his phone as if he had better things to do, and as if it was just insignificant gossip he had heard in passing.

‘yeah it seems so, i think you know the girl too, the one at your basketball game. they’re together all the time now. i’ve seen them come into school together too a few times,’ shotaro is none the wiser, easily dishing out the gossip, all whilst wonbin fights hard to control the way his jaw now tics, rage pulsing through his veins as he felt a flash of irritation.

it was clear that the time apart between you two had done more harm than good. but park wonbin was not a nice guy, or someone often graced with rational thoughts. to him, in some sick and twisted way, you were cheating on him. you had betrayed his trust and he refused to let this go on any longer.

a flicker of rage crossed wonbin’s face, quickly masked by a cold smile. ‘interesting. and what else have you heard?’

shotaro frowned, sensing the tension in wonbin’s demeanour. ‘well, there’s also talk about donghyuck hosting a party this weekend. he’s invited a lot of people already but it seems like anyone could come.’

wonbin’s mind raced with possibilities. a party meant an opportunity to see you, to confront you in a social setting where he could exert his influence. he nodded slowly, his plan forming with each passing second. ‘thanks, shotaro. see you around.’

with that, he turned on his heel and strode down the hallway, his mind focused on the upcoming party. he needed to regain control, to remind you of your past and what you both once shared. wonbin was determined to break you down, to manipulate your emotions.

throughout the day, wonbin’s thoughts remained fixed on his plan. he knew exactly what he needed to do at donghyuck’s party. he would corner you, slowly chipping away at your resolve until you saw that being with him was where you truly belonged.

making his way through the crowded halls, wonbin’s outward appearance was calm and collected, but inside, a storm of determination raged. he would stop at nothing to win you back, even if it meant using manipulation and deceit to achieve his goal. the party was just the beginning of his calculated scheme to reclaim what he believed was rightfully his.

perhaps it was narcissistic, the sense of entitlement that he felt that created the need for admiration, but your naivety and how easy it was to get you to fall at his knees at his every word meant that he would not let go of you.

 not until he wanted to.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

‘home sweet home,’ you kick off your shoes, barely getting your jacket past your waist until you flop onto donghyuck’s bed. it was his birthday today, meaning you had been on your feet all day, making sure his cake was ready, or that the cocktails ordered were the right flavours amongst other last minute things.

as tired as you were though, it didn’t bother you as much. hyuck had been a good friend to you, someone you cherished dearly, so giving up a few hours on his special day was not much of a hassle. you had just gotten back from picking up the birthday cake and cupcakes from the bakery with yunjin and mark, and decided to get what little rest you could before you had to get ready for the party.

‘move over,’ yunjin is motioning with her hands for you to leave some space for her, and as soon as you do she’s lying down besides you whilst mark watches at the doorway, arms folded with a smile on his face.

‘what’s got you smiling?’

‘i’m just thinking about how happy i am for hyuck. he’s got a girl that finally cares about him,’ you sit up at those words so suddenly that you’re sure your vision shifts for a couple of seconds.

‘they’re not in love with each other mark, give it up babe,’ yunjin speaks up for you, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. it wasn’t a secret that mark heavily advocated for the two of you to be together, given that hyuck was his bestfriend and the two of you were getting closer. he believed that your shared experiences of getting your heart broken and being taken advantage of due to loving too hard would work in your favour if you became a couple.

it was a thought that weighed heavily on your mind during this week. you were certain that if you were to be in a relationship with him, your worries of not being loved, or being abandoned, or being treated poorly like the rest of your exes would no longer be a concern. he was the sweetest boy you had ever met, and he always had your best interests at heart.

‘do you really not see hyuck in that way?’ mark turns the question to you, and it makes you pause and think. in an ideal world he would be the perfect partner for you, the one that you needed. but it was impossible to fill a wonbin shaped hole in your heart with someone that wasn’t him.

‘i wish i did,’ you confess truthfully, and to yunjin’s surprise, a little sadly. it makes her also now sit up, bringing her arms around your shoulders to bring you into a hug.

‘it’s alright if you don’t. you’re allowed to take as much time as you need to heal, there’s no time limit for that.’

her words comfort you and she gives you a small squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before she’s up on her feet again.

‘we have two hours before people start arriving and i need at least thirty minutes for my eyeliner alone.’

you’re left in hyuck’s room by yourself, deciding on also getting ready, even though it was a bit too early for you. a part of you felt bad for the mess you were sure to make in his room, your makeup products and brushes laid all over the table, outfit on his bed and a couple pairs of heels by the foot of his bed.

music played softly in the background as you sat at donghyuck’s vanity, your reflection framed by the ornate mirror adorned with fairy lights that you had convinced him to hang up. you ran your fingers through your hair, contemplating how to style it for the evening ahead.

it was nice to have a moment to yourself, leisurely taking your time to get ready. however, it meant that you were also left alone with your thoughts, which were anything but peaceful.

maybe you had healed. maybe all you needed to be completely over wonbin would be to allow yourself to be with someone else. it might help the thoughts of him that would momentarily flash in your mind, or the part of you that you felt still blindly loved him. it was time to let park wonbin go. for good.

just as you finished styling your hair into loose waves, there was a gentle knock on the door and before you could respond, mark and yunjin poked their heads into the room.

‘hey,’ mark greeted, leaning against the doorframe. ‘how’s it going in here?’

yunjin steps inside, her eyes bright with excitement as she waltzes into the room, mark in tow. ‘you look gorgeous my love. are you almost ready?’

you chuckle softly at their excitement, ‘almost, just finishing up. thanks for letting me borrow donghyuck’s room, mark.

mark nodded, his expression kind. ‘of course. take your time, everyone’s still doing one thing or another.’ 

‘someone would think that you were the birthday girl,’ mark joked as he admired his girlfriend parading around the room, a second pair of heels in her clutches.

‘looking good doesn’t need an occasion my love.’

you weren’t too far off either, your hair curled beautifully, cascading down to your back, and the black glittery two piece you wore clung to your body. you would have settled for a simple dress or even some jeans, but yunjin profusely objected, threatening to disown you.

according to her, as his closest friends they had a duty to look equally as good as donghyuck, although you were sure it was just an excuse for her to get all dressed up, like she loved to do.

‘whatever you say princess.’

the soft murmur of conversation fills donghyuck’s room as you all lounged comfortably on his bed, basking in the calm before the storm of his birthday party. you were taking refuge here after helping set up downstairs, enjoying a brief respite before the festivities began in earnest.

yunjin pulls out her phone, noting the time. ‘i think the first guests should be arriving soon,’ she remarked, glancing at you and mark.

‘yeah hyuck said they’d start showing up around this time. we should probably head downstairs.’

you all descend the stairs together, the llively chatter and laughter from downstairs growing louder as you approached the front door. you swung it open first, just as the doorbell chimed, revealing a group of donghyuck’s friends eagerly waiting to join the celebration.

‘hey, come on in!’ you greet them warmly, stepping aside to let the guests enter.

mark and yunjin followed suit, exchanging greetings and directing everyone towards the living room where the party was unfolding. upstairs, the boys were still in full swing, pre-gaming and engaging in last-minute preparations and games. donghyuck’s voice echoed down the stairs as he rallied his friends for the night ahead.

meanwhile, you busied herself ensuring everything was running smoothly. you checked the food and drinks, adjusting a few decorations here and there to perfectionist standards. the cake was laid out carefully on the kitchen table, surrounded by the mini cupcakes, and drinks were lined up with three hired bartenders. the decorations were just as you had imagined, and the presents that his friends were bringing for him were in place.

‘you could totally become an event planner,’ donghyuck’s voice causes you to turn around and you gasp at the sight of him as he leans against the counter casually. he’s always been attractive, that was non-disputable, but tonight it seemed like he had exceeded those plain terms. it reminded you of the night you first met, his dark tresses providing a flawless contrast with his skin, golden and clear, dotted with the beauty marks you loved to stare at so much.

the leather jacket he wore seemed to fit him well, and you wondered if all the time he had recently been spending in the gym was finally paying off by the way his white shirt clung to his body. but it was the faint traces of eyeliner circling his hooded eyes that left you awestruck, complimenting his eyes.

‘is this your way of telling me i look good?’ he bites his lip before a smirk graces his lips, playfulness emboldening his irises as he steps closer and closer, until you can smell the cologne that lingers on his shirt.

‘you do,’ you’re straightforward with your answer because it’s the truth.

‘i’ve got nothing on you though. thought an angel temporarily came down to visit,’ he says jokingly, but something about the look in his eye makes you feel that he means his words. 

the space between you becomes non-existent, and slowly you feel him brush a stray piece of hair away from your eyes, his fingers lingering around your face for longer than it usually would.

your eyes meet, a silent conversation unfolding between you if you were suspended in a moment outside of time. the air in the kitchen crackled with an electric tension, the proximity intoxicating, the space between you charged with a magentic pull.

you’re about to reply but you’re interrupted by jeno and jaemin, a bottle in each hand, hollering about taking shots for the birthday boy. tension that you weren’t sure was even possible to feel with donghyuck dissipates, and you feel him go back to his old self as he allows the boys to drag him out to the middle of the dance floor.

‘what was that all about?’ yunjin asks, and you failed to notice her standing behind jeno’s bigger frame, causing you to jump a little. she looks at you suspiciously, as if you had done something and gotten caught.

‘nothing,’ your reply is too quick, voice far too squeaky for her to believe you, and she had known you for too long to be deceived so easily.

‘so that means there was something. it looked like he was about to kiss you.’

you knew that, you were aware that the way his eyes would flicker down to your lips, or the way his second hand came and held you at the small of your back. you’d been kissed before, and it wasn’t hard to miss the signs. but something else shocked you, and you snap out of your daze to look your friend in the eye.

‘i know, and i think i would have let him.’

yunjin’s jaw drops dramatically before her hands fly to her mouth. ‘you mean-’

‘yes.’

‘i need some more alcohol.’

half of the night is spent inside your own mind, replaying the scene with donghyuck over and over again. he was going to kiss you, and if you hadn’t been stopped by jeno’s loud voice it would have happened. did this mean you were over wonbin? was it just because it had been such a long time since you had been kissed and you missed it? did you like hyuck as more than a friend?

the memory replayed in your mind like a haunting melody, a glimpse of what could have been. but each time you closed your eyes to savour the moment, flashes of park wonbin intruded upon your thoughts. his smile, his touch, his whispered promises- the memories of your tumultuous relationship resurfaced with unsettling clarity.

doubt gnawed at your resolve, casting shadows over the budding attraction you believed you felt for donghyuck. in this fleeting moments of introspection, you confronted the harsh truth. you were not over wonbin.

as the night wore on and the party reached its crescendo of laughter and music, you found yourself slipping deeper into a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. despite the outward revelry, an internal storm brewed within you. you drifted through the crowd with a plastic smile, deflecting conversations and laughter as though they were merely obstacles in your path. 

but behind your façade, a maelstrom of doubt and regret churned relentlessly. you had come so far in your journey of healing, painstakingly unravelling the tendrils of love and manipulation that wonbin had woven around your heart. yet, tonight, his ghost haunted you once more.

in a moment of weakness, you found yourself standing at the makeshift bar, fingers gripping a drink with more force than necessary. the amber liquid swirled in the glass, its scent sharp and intoxicating. without hesitation, you raised it to your lips, welcoming the burn that seared down your throat.

the alcohol offered a fleeting reprieve—a temporary numbing of the pain that threatened to overwhelm you. with each sip, you hoped to drown out the memories, to silence the doubts that clawed at your resolve. but with every passing moment, the thoughts of wonbin persisted, stubbornly refusing to be subdued.

disappointment settled heavily in your chest, mingling with self-recrimination. you had worked tirelessly to banish wonbin from your thoughts, to rebuild yourself without the weight of his presence. yet here you were, succumbing to the allure of temporary oblivion.

so you found yourself turning to alcohol with increasing desperation. each drink became a lifeline, a means to drown out the relentless thoughts of park wonbin that plagued your mind.

the burn in your throat was now a distant sensation. with each sip, you felt yourself slipping further from reality, the chaotic noise of the party fading into a dull hum. you didn’t want to think anymore tonight. and eventually it worked its magic. in this intoxicated state, you were free from the torment of memories, free from the disappointment in yourself from succumbing to old wounds.

the dance floor pulsed with energy, the bass vibrating through the floor and up into your bones. the dim, colourful lights spun in dizzying patterns, casting fleeting shadows on the faces of your friends and strangers alike, all moving to the beat. you throw your head back and laugh, the alcohol buzzing warmly in your veins, making everything feel brighter, louder, more intense.

your drink sloshed in its glass as you swayed to the rhythm, the liquid gleaming under the flashing lights. you take another sip, the sweetness masking the burn of the alcohol. your movements become more fluid and uninhibited with every passing moment, the night was a blur of sound and colour, and for once, you felt free.

but then you heard it- ‘who the fuck invited park wonbin?’

your heart lurched, the sound slicing through the haze of joy and alcohol like a knife. involuntarily, you stop moving, your  eyes wide and unfocused as you scan the crowd. the music seemed to fade into the background, replaced by the rush of blood in your ears.

the world seems to pause as those two words register in your head and you freeze. hyuck, who is just as oblivious to the situation as you were a couple of seconds ago, feels you stop dancing and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

you see his lips move, and you’re sure he’s talking to you, but you can’t hear anything. as if you’re wearing noise cancelling headphones, the voices around you sound muffled. worried at your lack of response you feel the palms of his hand coming to the side of your face to bring you out of your trance.

 park wonbin is all you can see. you’re enthralled by the way his hair seems even longer than it was last time, beautifully falling just a few inches above his shoulders. he easily looked the best out of all the boys there, comparable to an angel with the way his delicate features are a distinction from his dark clothes, or his jet black hair that he lets fall freely. that was the man you had fallen in love with, the one who had the ability to render you speechless. the man who had wrapped your heart in a barbed wire of lies and control. a shiver runs down your spine, skin prickling with the memory of his touch, his words. he was here.

‘how is wonbin’s here,’ someone said again, closer this time, making you sure it was yunjin, who was far from pleased, but the damage was already done. he stood at the edge of the dance floor, his gaze locked onto you with the same intensity that had once made you feel special, desired. now, it only filled you with dread, his presence a dark cloud, threatening to consume your light and drag you back into the shadows.

he looks down to your fingers that are laced together with hyuck’s, a sight that ignited a surge of possessiveness within him but you’re unable to tell at first how he’s feeling except for the quirk of his eyebrow. then you notice the way his jaw clenched tightly before he unclenched it and you know what that meant- wonbin was pissed.

panic surged through you, a cold wave that washed away the warmth of the alcohol. you couldn’t handle this. you couldn’t handle him. not here, not now. fear and confusion twisted inside you, making it hard to breathe. the room seems to close in on you, stomach twisting and you quickly excuse yourself, your aim to make it away from his prying eyes.

you turn on your heel, pushing through the crowd, your movements frantic and desperate, too focused on stabilising yourself. the faces around you blurred, their laughter and conversations fading into a distant hum.

you burst into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind you with a loud thud. the room was starkly lit, the harsh fluorescent lights a jarring contrast to the dim, colourful glow outside.

the bathroom was a sanctuary of shadows, the dim light casting long, wavering reflections on the tiled walls. you stood at the sink, gripping its edge with such fervour that your knuckles turned white, your heart a drumbeat of anxiety, pounding in your chest as you stared into the mirror, trying to calm your racing thoughts.

the door creaked open behind you, and  a chill crawled up you spine. you didn’t need to turn around to know who had entered. 

park wonbin’s presence filled the small space like a dark cloud, heavy and oppressive. he moved with the grace of a predator, his footsteps barely making a sound as he approached you.

‘having fun?’ his voice startles you, heart racing as you accidentally hit the sink, shaking your head like a fool as your heart squeezes in your chest.

you feel bile rise rapidly to your throat, head pounding as the room starts to spin, but seemingly only for you. wonbin looks at you with pure disgust, as if you’re covered in filth, not worthy of being in his presence.

you hated the idea of him being annoyed or disappointed in you and soon tears started to streak down your face, the dam breaking before you could even attempt to hold it in, lip quivering as you blinked rapidly to stop the droplets of water from obstructing your vision.

‘wonbin please-’

‘lee donghyuck? really?’ he barely gives you a chance to speak, his actions contradicting the harsh words he spews as he gently uses his thumb to wipe away a few tears. you’re a whimpering mess, body shaking like a leaf as you try hard to stabilise yourself.

no matter how much time passed, no matter how much you willed yourself to, you couldn’t get over park wonbin. you loved him to a fault, you loved him to the point that it hurt. your love was like a rose, appearing beautiful from the red petals and buds, but stinging like the thorns that weaved up the stem.

‘you have no right to care about who i am or am not dating,’ you echo the words of hyuck, trying to seem bold and brave, pushing his hand away from you.

wonbin stops, his eyes trailing down and stopping at your feet, hair falling in front of his eyes and for a few seconds he doesn’t move. then you see his shoulders move up and down, slowly at first but they increase in speed. you know you shouldn’t be but in worry of him crying you hastily lift his head in your hands. only his face is dry, void of any tears and you see that he’s laughing instead.

‘i don’t-’

‘you’re so fucking stupid, he obviously just wants to use you.’

you’re taken aback by how harsh his words are, realising it was a mistake for you to have even said anything in the first place.you want to leave, to turn away from this suffocating situation to somewhere you can finally breathe but you’re trapped, his hands gripping your wrist, holding you against the wall.

that’s not fair wonbin. you left me,’ your voice is small, almost incomprehensible but he catches on to what you’re saying. he had you right where he wanted you, still stupidly in love with him, and he didn’t know whether to feel pity for your naivety or rejoice.

‘do you know how it felt to hear from other people that you moved on? you hurt me,’ it’s become wonbin’s second nature to turn accusations around and throw the blame on you. to make you feel like the bad guy, like you were the one in the wrong.

it was the final blow to your heart, and you feel yourself about to heave, moving past him with a shove to grip the sink, head dangerously close to the faucet as you try to steady your breathing. but he doesn’t stop there, he won’t be finished till he leaves you a mess on the bathroom floor, broken and unable to move on from him.

‘you know how hard it was for me, and you couldn’t even be patient, you tried to replace me so fast. did you even love me?’

‘stop-‘ you can barely breathe, the room closing in as you try to steady yourself, eyes shut as you pray for a miracle, for something to pull you out of this nightmare.

‘but that’s a stupid question, because i know the answer. you love me to a fault, you love me to the point it hurts you, but like a fool you keep coming back. want to know why? it’s because that’s what love is,’ he’s so close, close enough for you to smell that familiar scent of mint and cedarwood that you loved so much. it’s suffocating, making you lightheaded, and yet just like him you can’t get enough.

‘it’s not like the flowery shit you read in your books. nobody can give you that but me. no one can truly love you but me,’ he continues, not caring for how pale you turn, or how you slowly sink down to your knees, the pain of being so close to him making it unbearable for you to even stand on your own two feet.

he watches as you curl into a ball, despair coursing through your blood and a numbness clouding your eyes. your worst fears had been vocalised- maybe wonbin was the only one who would be able to love you. it made sense that he was the only one to ignite the flame of passion that you felt in the pits of your stomach. it made sense that only he held the ability to temper with your emotions to such an extreme extent. true love, that was what that feeling was.

you shrink back down into your own hollow body, lost, lacking and defeated. you sigh as you see him crouch down till he is eye level with you. you let him use his thumb to tenderly wipe away the tears that he caused as you saturate yourself in dreaded affliction.

he leaned in closer, his voice low but smooth. ‘you know, without me, you would still be just the sad broken girl, unable to love again. i’m the reason that you changed. i’ve helped you become the person you are today.’

his words wrapped around you like a silken noose, tightening with each sentence. you wanted to protest, to assert your own worth independent of his influence, but his presence was overpowering.

 every time you had tried to move on, to forget him, you were reminded of the times he had been there for you, the vulnerabilities only he had witnessed, the secrets you both held dear to your hearts. his manipulation was an art form, carefully crafted over time, making her doubt her own feelings and rely more on his.

‘remember when you said you couldn’t imagine your life without me?’ wonbin’s voice was a soft whisper now, his eyes locking onto yours.

‘i know you felt it too. we’re meant to be together.’ 

your heart ached under the weight of his words, the lines between love and control blurring in the fog of your emotions. you nod slowly, the fight within you dwindling as his grip tightened, pulling you deeper into the web he had spun so expertly around your heart.

‘don’t run away from the truth.’

his words wrapped around you like tendrils of smoke, suffocating and inescapable. you wanted to pull away, to escape the web he was spinning, but you felt rooted to the spot.

‘what truth?’

‘the truth that you have never stopped loving me, you were with donghyuck just to make me mad, to lie to yourself that you could move on from me when we both know that’s not possible,’ he murmured, his voice a silken thread of deceit. 

his hand moved from your shoulder to your cheek, a mockery of tenderness. you close your eyes, trying to block out the sensations, but his words kept seeping into your mind, eroding your defences like waves against a crumbling cliff.

‘come with me,’ he coaxed, his voice now a siren’s call. ‘leave this party, leave these people who don’t understand you. let’s find our own way, just the two of us, like it’s supposed to be.’

his manipulation was a masterful dance, each step designed to pull you closer, to break down your will. your eyes open again, your resolve slipping through your fingers like sand. you saw the satisfaction in his eyes, the gleam of triumph that he couldn’t quite hide, but it was too late.

your heart twisted, a mix of fear and the old, dangerous comfort of his words stirring within you.

‘wonbin, i… i don’t know.’

‘come with me, please. let’s leave this place. you know we’re meant to be together. no one will ever love you like i do,’ he reiterated. his manipulation was subtle, insidious, and your defences, worn thin by the weight of your history together, crumbled. 

‘okay,’ you whispered, the word barely escaping your lips, your willpower drained.

wonbin smiled, a wolf’s smile, and took your hand. he led you out of the bathroom, his grip firm and possessive. the music thumped through the walls, relentless rhythm that seemed to sync with your racing heart. as you descended down the stairs and walked through the crowded room, your head hung low, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. 

the party was in full swing, vibrant laughter and animated conversations filling the room. fairy lights now twinkled overhead, casting a warm glow over the crowded space, yet you felt a chill as you moved towards the door, your ex-boyfriend’s hand firm around your wrist.

yunjin and mark stood near the doorway, their expressions a mirror of the others. yunjin’s eyes were filled with tears, her hand clutching mark’s arm in a silent plea for comfort. mark’s jaw was set, his frustration barely contained as he watched you leave with wonbin.

‘i can’t believe he’s taking her again. after all we’ve done,’ yunjin’s grip on mark’s arm intensifies, her voice trembling out of frustration.

she had seen it all unfold- the sudden arrival of park wonbin, like a dark storm cloud interrupting the starry night. she witnessed your hesitation, your inevitable retreat into the bathroom, and how his figure stalked after yours not long after.

her eyes reflect a mixture of sadness and frustration as she turns to her boyfriend, ‘mark he’s ruined everything. she was so close….’

mark nods in understanding, his own brow furrowed with empathy.

‘she doesn’t deserve this. not after everything he put her through. i was there, mark. he broke her, i was so scared i would lose her.’

you had come so far since breaking free from wonbin’s manipulative grasp. you had found joy and laughter again, surrounded only by people who loved and cherished you, like it was supposed to be. and now, in one swift and calculated move, wonbin had disrupted it all.

 it was donghyuck’s face that stung the most though, his normally cheerful and bright expression now a canvas of hurt and confusion. he had hoped that tonight would be a turning point, a chance for you to find happiness away from the shadows of your past, away from wonbin and in his arms instead. now, he watched helplessly as you were led back into the darkness, both physically and metaphorically.

outside, the night air was cool and crisp, hitting you both as you stepped outside, a stark contrast to the heavy atmosphere inside.  the noise of the party is muffled behind the closed door. wonbin’s smile widened, the satisfaction of his victory warming him from within. he had you back, ensnared once more in his web of lies and manipulation, pulling you back into his orbit and away from the support and love of your friends.

you walk beside him, heart heavy with regret and self-doubt. the night stretched out before you, a labyrinth of choices and consequences, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were walking deeper into the maze, farther away from the light. the feeling of eyes watching you from behind following you.

but for now, wonbin’s grip was unyielding, and you followed him into the darkness, hoping desperately that you might one day find your way out.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

ash i love vince so much he is my number 2 babygirl (antoni number 1 babygirl forever)

i would like to formally request some vince having a Bad Time, either past stuff with owen or present with recovery being a bitch

because there is nothing better than lovely characters having bad times that they absolutely do not deserve

CW: Alcoholism, withdrawal/cravings, alcoholic anger, Vince and Jameson both PTSD-ing all over the place, guilt

Oh, poor Vince. Takes place post-the Same Bed Arc, after Vince is living with Nat and Jameson.

-

Vince doesn't even look up when he hears Jameson stop in the doorway. He just pours a few shots worth of the gin into the glass, staring fixedly down at it. The liquid, clear as water but with the herbal scent washing over him like a welcome spring rain, spreads over the ice with those gentle cracks he knows better than his own heartbeat.

God, it looks good.

His hands don't shake, now. His heart doesn't race. He doesn't feel sweaty, or upset, or like he'll be sick.

He just feels like he's staring at the solution to all his problems, and all he has to do is swallow it down.

This should feel awful - he knows it should. It should taste awful, there should be something to remind him of the damage he does to himself every time he drinks again. He should hear his sponsor speaking in the back of his mind, he should hear the voices of the others at the meetings he goes to - one for alcoholism, one for survivors of sexual assault, twice a week there's movie star Vincent goddamn Shield among the normal people and admitting he's barely human, just a wreck that only survived Owen Grant because Nat decided she gave a fuck about him for reasons Vince still doesn't understand.

Here he stands, a hollow shell wearing a nice face who let someone else suffer in his place and was grateful for it for far too long.

Kauri hates him but it's nothing compared to how much he hates himself.

Vince lifts the glass, hesitating at the last second with the cool rim just touching his lower lip. Gin smells like blacking out and right now he could use the blessed darkness, hangover be damned.

He can worry about that when the headache kicks in tomorrow morning.

He realizes he's waiting for the sickening crawl of guilt at letting Nat down, at-... at letting himself down. Maybe that will come later, but right now... He feels goddamn good. Settled. Calm.

He and Jameson meet eyes just as he tosses the drink back, three large swallows of juniper-scented gin down his throat like water, leaving only the ice cubes behind.

The burn is perfect.

He pours himself another drink, feeling the warmth slowly spread through his chest to his shoulders, eyes briefly closing. God, it feels like goddamn heaven.

He looks up.

Jameson is still standing there in the doorway, looking oddly soft in a loose sweater that's far too big for him and a pair of old jeans that probably cost a dollar at a yard sale and even that was too much. Vince has jeans that distressed, somewhere.

His cost more than five hundred dollars.

He chokes on the next drink from trying not to laugh.

Jameson's eyes narrow. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Vince takes another sip, eyes half-closed, letting himself take it slow this time and really enjoy the taste.

He'd honestly been surprised the little liquor store down the block even carried this brand of gin. Not that he wouldn't have bought whatever he could get, when he stood there feeling like he would die if he had to go another day, but still. It's nice to have seen his favorite stuff, top shelf, pricier than it had any right to be. It's not even that good, but it's still his favorite. It still tastes, to him, like the nights he sleeps without nightmares, few and far between.

Gin tastes like those nights he gets to sleep at all.

The cashier had looked surprised as she wiped off the dust and rang it up for him. Then, with a shy smile, she'd asked him if anyone ever told him he looked a lot like Vincent Shield. He'd been kind of sad she didn't card him - it would have been nice to see the look on her face when she saw his name.

Instead, he paid in cash, laughed, and told her the standard I get that a lot, actually.

Jameson doesn't move closer, or leave. "It looks like you're fucking yourself up," He says, lingering in the doorway. "You can't just start drinking again. You know that, right?"

"Oh, I sure as hell can." Vince laughs, but it's a bitter sound. He licks the gin lingering on his lips, then gestures at the bottle. "Have some with me."

He's caught, for just a moment, when he sees Jameson wearing an expression Vince has never seen on him before. He looks... nervous. Afraid, almost, instead of angry.

"I-I don't want to," Jameson says, but there's a way he says it that makes Vince think he'd drink if he offers again. Maybe he wants to, or maybe he just doesn't want to make Vince mad.

If he commanded it, if he gave an order... Jameson would be as he's told, wouldn't he? Damn, that would be some power to have over someone.

This must be why Owen liked it so much.

No.

He won't think about Owen right now.

Vince gulps down liquid until he's breathless, almost panting. The warmth is like the familiar cradle of a softer reality settling in. He makes himself slow down this time, picking up an ice cube and sucking the juniper taste right off it before crunching it with his teeth.

"Vince." Jameson's voice gets harsher, and something seems to break his brief paralysis. He moves closer, grabbing the bottle and pulling it away when Vince puts a hand out to pour the third drink. "Fucking... look at me. What the fuck?"

Vince's hand just... hangs out there, reaching for a bottle that isn't where it was. He stares at the empty space, and feels that dark inside of him threaten to well up yet again. "What?"

Jameson swallows, his eyes moving to the glass, back to Vince's face. He steps backwards, and Vince watches the bottle go with him with a piercing need that could easily knock him off his feet if he weren't holding onto the back of a chair. Jameson clears his throat. "Aren't you... like, sober now?"

"Mmmn. Was. Got the like... three month chip thing and everything." He's gotten thoroughly wasted so many times in his life. Nothing relaxes him better than enough alcohol to force his body to stop living in constant, unending fear of who might hurt him next. "Right now, I am tipsy instead. In about an hour, I'm going to be absolutely fucked up. Give me back my gin."

Jameson's hand moves - then he jerks it back, taking a few steps backwards until he's back in the doorway. His eyes are on Vince's face, watching him with a total focus that Vince recognizes from the others he's worked with over the years - Jameson's just a trained pet, in this moment, watching to see if the master will be angry.

It makes him laugh again, more bitterly this time. Is he the master? Has he ever been his own master, let alone anyone else's?

"I... I can't do that," Jameson says, and Vince hears that he doesn't say no. When Vince moves towards him, he backs up a little more, and Vince comes to a stop just a foot or so away.

"Am... am I scaring you?" He asks, suddenly.

It wasn't what he meant to say, he meant to demand his drink again. Instead, this question that... that just sort of falls out of him like a waterfall.

Jameson's jaw sets and his eyes narrow. "You're not doing shit to me," He snaps, but Vince knows he's really saying yes.

Is this why people buy pets? So they can see something pretend not to be scared, and know they're the monster not just under the bed, but in it?

"Oh," He whispers. "What is it? Why are you scared? I'm just a drunk asshole, why are you scared of me?"

Jameson bristles, but then he offers - as if it's pulled out of him against his will - the softest explanation. "Brute and Robert got drunk all the time. I know what happens when-... when people get this kind of drunk."

There's a look in his eyes Vince has seen before in Kauri's. Not fear of him, not directly, but fear of someone like him, maybe. Fear of having demands made that can't be denied.

Is this how Owen felt, every time Kauri had to playact the loving boyfriend with bruises on his wrists and terror making his heart race? Is this how it feels to have power over somebody else when you can't even control yourself?

It's... it's good, almost.

It feels better than he thought it would.

"Back up, Shield," Jameson hisses, like a cat spitting and arching its back, ready to attack with claws and sharp teeth not because it's confident in victory but because it's so small it has to fight to have even the slightest chance to survive.

Vince looks him over, reading with an actor's expertise how he's projecting a confident swagger he never feels, how the irritation layers itself so carefully over a vulnerability that he sees as weakness. Vince has lived that way, too, since he was twenty-one, since his best friend turned out to be a rapist who wanted Vince to himself, since he started drinking to forget every single night and putting on the perfect face during his days.

They both survived, didn't they?

Jameson just did it by fighting his way out, and Vince by pretending to be someone he wasn't until nobody knew who he actually was, and that's a way of surviving, too. Wear another face, and make sure no one sees the fear in your real one, so they can't refuse to help you... because you've never asked.

"No." At least one of them can say it. Although that makes Vince's heart twist with ugly guilt, the petty cruelty of the thought. "Give me my gin," Vince says, pitching his voice low, and holds out his hand. "Now, Jameson. Give it to me."

"I can't." The strength is gone from Jameson's voice, and he looks at Vince with those dark eyes searching his own, trying to make himself understood. "If you drink, your-... your body's not used to it anymore, if you drink the same amount you'll fucking kill your stupid liver."

"What do you care about my liver?" Vince's voice drops low, almost a whisper. "What do you care about me, about my goddamn joke of a life, huh? What the fuck do you care? Why should anyone care?"

There's a flicker of something in Jameson's eyes - recognition, maybe. Something that lights up, just for a second, before the other man shoves Vince to the side with sudden violent strength and stalks to the sink, turning the bottle over and pouring that expensive artisan gin right down the drain.

"No!" Vince's voice is a ragged shout as he lunges after him, but it's too little too late.

Jameson's foot kicks out and slams into Vince's calf, sending him stumbling, clawing desperately as the gin is gone, glug glug glug, down into the pipes, disappearing towards the ocean.

Rage and terror fight in Vince's mind in a sudden white noise and he gets to his feet, grabbing Jameson by the arms and squeezing as hard as he can, shoving him back across the room. He hears Jameson hit one of the chairs, the clatter of wood and Jameson's grunt of pain as both hit the ground hard. The bottle is in the sink, and even when Vince scrambles to pick it back up, there's less than an inch of gin left.

He sucks it down, and only once he's gotten that final drop does he suddenly go still.

Oh.

There's the guilt and the horror and feeling sick at himself, just... twenty minutes too late. He sets the empty bottle carefully down, and then turns slowly around to look at Jameson.

Jameson sits on the kitchen floor, staring up at him with wide eyes. His face is pale, making the scar that twists the corner of his mouth stand out even more. His hair is nearly grown back in now, the bald patches hidden by the rest.

Vince exhales in a rush. "Oh, hell. Jameson-" He holds out a hand.

Jameson flinches.

Vince pulls his hand back, backing up until his back hits the edge of the sink. "Right. Okay. I'm-... I'm sorry Jameson-"

"Yeah." Jameson's voice is gruff, all the vulnerability and fear wiped away as soon as he realizes it's showing. He gets to his feet, shoulders protectively hunched, arms crossed in front of himself defensively. "Whatever. Sure you are. Drink yourself to death, shitbag, if that's what you want."

"I'm so sorry."

Jameson's jaw works. "... Everybody's always sorry. Then I get fucking hit again." Then he turns and walks - limps, really, his knees threatening to give out with every step - away. Vince stands there, frozen, listening as he makes his slow, painful way up the stairs.

Vince stares at the place he was for a while - he isn't sure how long. The gin is sinking its velvet claws into his mind, and he's drunker than he should be after only two drinks.

But then, it's been months.

Months, he made it without taking even a sip.

He swallows, again and again, and then pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, finds a contact, and presses the button to make the call.

The phone rings until he's certain it'll go to voicemail, before a voice he knows as well as his own is in his ear.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I-I need to talk to you," He stammers, his heart cold. "Please. Please. I-I've been drinking. I need... I need help."

There's a pause.

"From... me?"

"Yeah... yeah. You'll-... I need somebody who won't be nice to me-"

"Oh, well, if there's anything I love it's the chance to be mean to you, let me drop my entire life to come listen to you whine about yours."

"Please."

An exhale. "Whatever. Yeah, okay. I'll be over there in like... half an hour? An hour, maybe. Drink some water and I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't leave the house."

"Thanks... thank you, Kauri."

Kauri hangs up.

Vince pours himself a glass of water over the leftover gin-soaked ice, sipping it, barely flavored with a hint of the liquor he wants so badly. He rights the chair he'd accidentally shoved Jameson into, and listens to the creaking floorboards and muffled cursing above him as Jameson makes his halting painful way from stairway to his room, a couple thumps when he clearly falls and had to force himself back upright, until the pacing abruptly stops when he must have collapsed into his bed.

He hears the gentle patting of Trash Cat's paws as she leaves her place on the living room couch and follows him, too, her soft meowing until Jameson opens his door to let her come in after him. Then silence again.

Vince sits back down at the table, leaning over with his head in his hand, staring as the ice slowly melts, cooling the water around it.

He should have called his sponsor instead.

Whatever Kauri is about to say can only make this worse.

But he deserves it, anyway.

Vince doesn't move a muscle until he hears the sound of Jake's truck pulling into the driveway, crunching briefly over gravel before it's on the pavement again, when he raises his head.

Kauri walks in without knocking, stops in the doorway to the kitchen, and looks at him like his younger self ashamed of what he's grown into. Vince knows Jake must have driven him, but he's nowhere to be seen - maybe just staying outside, for now. He's clearly dressed for bed in a matching navy blue silk button-up and pajama pants, barefoot even.

"Hey," Vince says, weakly. The alcohol feels like poison now, not the soothing warmth it had been before. "I... I fucked up, Kauri."

"Yeah, I can tell just by looking at you, you're a goddamn mess." Kauri looks at Vince head-on, even though it still hurts him to do it, and Vince can see the flinch he suppresses as the headache kicks in. His blue eyes are identical to Vince's in nearly every way, except that Kauri's gaze has always been stronger. "What the hell did you do?"

"I got... I drank."

"Yep. I can see the gin bottle. Did you drink all of it?" Kauri's voice is flat and businesslike. It's like having his own younger self dressing him down, and somehow that feels... really good. Better than he thought it would.

"... No. Just a couple drinks. Jameson poured the rest out."

"Good for him." Kauri flickers a smile. "Where is he?"

"I-... I scared him."

"... you scared him?"

"Yeah. I was-... I wasn't-... I didn't mean to, but-"

"Shut up. All right. Tell me what you did. I'll fix it. This time, taking your place so I suffer for years while you run off and become obscenely wealthy is off the table, got it?"

Vince looks at him in horror only to see a surprising warmth in Kauri's smile. Not... not affection, but something like it. A wry compassion, maybe. Something else he doesn't deserve. "I don't know. I don't know if I can fix this, Kauri. I don't know."

"Well... I happen to the resident expert in trying to avoid dealing with your problems while making them all worse, so talk to me. Tell me what you did, start to finish. We'll figure out what comes next."

Vince lowers his head into his arms.

"Thank you," He says, muffled.

"Not enough thanks in the world, dumbass. Lucky for you I'm an amazing person who just happens to have spent most of my twenties making stupid drunk mistakes. So stop stalling and start talking."

-

@finder-of-rings @endless-whump @arlin-always-writing @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @whumpyourdamnpears @cubeswhump  @whump-tr0pes @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @outofangband @hackles-up @grizzlie70 @mylifeisonthebookshelf @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @autophagay

[in1-nutshell]

Elita One's twin sister with SG Blackarachnia's personality reuniting with Optimus Prime

SFW, Angst, some hurt, some comfort, Cybertronian (Techno Organic) reader

part 1

While Buddy had made a name for herself amongst the Decepticons, the three Autobots who made it back to Cybertron took a different turn.

Optimus wracked with guilt, took the fall for the entire situation

He was stripped from the academy and placed on spacebridge repairs. Filled with guilt over loosing his best friend which was another factor in his ability to make decisions.

He would constantly play the scene over and over again in his mind think of all the ‘what if’s’ and ‘should haves’.

Elita One and Sentinel only continued on their training and made it to the Elite Guard.

Sentinel held much resentment and anger whenever Buddy was mentioned. He missed his friend dearly but his anger was placed squarely on Optimus and would remain until then.

Elita for some time was a hollow shell of the bot she used to be

She couldn’t stop thinking about her final moments with Buddy and her last actions.

Buddy’s last actions to save her twin.

Buddy chose her life over herself.

Elita eventually pushed down the feelings and began focusing on the Guard to cope with the loss.

Time skip of Team Prime being on Earth

Buddy knew of the existence of the Autobots on Earth. She knew well that Optimus was their leader. Despite a part of her being proud of her friend leading a team, and leading them well in battle, she didn’t want to see him. Maybe in the future, but now, she wasn’t ready to ‘face the music’ as the locals said.

Anyways she had other problems to worry about.

The makeshift med bay was running low on steel. With the number of injuries everyone was getting was running the reserves dry. So, it was time to go scavenging for more materials.

“Where are you going?”--Megatron

“A steel run. Nothing special my lord.”--Buddy

“I can send Lugnut or Blitzwing to get the steel. You don’t need to go out of the base. You’re needed here on base as our medic.”--Megatron

“Blitzwing is in the medbay and needs the steel along with everyone else on base. Without him, Lugnut is most likely to bring the steel in so many pieces they will look like rust. I’m useless here. I know a place where I can get enough steel to get in and out of there quickly.”--Buddy

“Do not say that.”--Megatron

“Don’t worry my Lord. It’s by the docks and should be fairly quick to get everything. Though I should probably stop saying tht it will be easy so I don’t jinx it—”--Buddy

“Not that. You called yourself useless. You are many things but useless is not one of them.”--Megatron

“… And what do you mean by that my Lord?”--Buddy

“I mean—”--Megatron

“Lord Megatron! Hothead started a fight with Lugnut—”--Starscream

BANG!

“…”—Starscream, Megatron, and Buddy

“I believe that is my cue to leave. Good luck with the clean up!”--Buddy

Buddy made it to the docks and began digging around for any spare beams. She didn’t like dealing with humans too much and causing too much trouble. They have their own lives and troubles to worry about, they don’t need her on the list too.

“Finally! The last beam and I’m outta here!”--Buddy

“Achoo!”—Sari

Buddy looks down to see Sari standing there looking up at her.

“I just had to jinx it…”—Buddy

Sari didn’t know what to do.

She was just trick or treating with Bumblebee and Bulkhead when she heard some noise coming from one of the warehouses nearby and gave the guys a bit of a slip as she went ahead to investigate.

Sari and Buddy were just looking at each other for a bit.

“Umm… hello?”--Buddy

“What’s your name?”--Sari

“Oh? My name is Buddy. I know I look a little scary but, I’m not going to hurt you.”--Buddy

“Yeah, I can tell. You don’t look threatening or anything. Weird looking from the other Bots’ but definitely not scary.”--Sari

“…really?”--Buddy

“Nope! Sure, some things look kind of weird but not scary. What are you doing with those steel beams? You’re not stealing them are you?”--Sari

“…In my defense I’m taking from the pile that ordered more than what they needed. I need them for my med kits.”--Buddy

“Oh! You should talk to Ratchet about those! Hey, You can come with me!”--Sari

“I’m sorry…”--Buddy

“I’m Sari.”--Sari

“Oh? Peculiar little name… it suites you.”--Buddy

“Thanks—you’re a Decepticon!?”--Sari

“Yes I am but—”--Buddy

“Sari!”--Bumblebee

“This night keeps getting better…”--Buddy

That was when Bumblebee and Bulkhead entered.

Buddy was immediately on edge sizing up her potential enemies. She really didn’t want to use her ‘gift’ if she didn’t need to.

Buddy tried explaining to the bots that she didn’t want to fight them.

But apparently, they did.

“Reach for the sky Decepticreep!”--Bumblebee

“Listen, I’m not here for a fight—”--Bulkhead

“To bad! This is for trying to hurt Sari!”--Bulkhead

“I didn’t even—WOAH!”--Buddy

“Bulkhead! Bumblebee!”--Sari

“Don’t worry Sari get Prime online and tell him we got a rouge Con.”--Bumblebee

“That’s my cue to leave. Bye Sari! See ya later boys!”--Buddy

“Oh no you don’t”--Bulkhead

Buddy dodged and ducked all of the boys attacks the best she could while handling the beams on her back. She was about to web herself away to the skylight when the big one, Bulkhead she thinks the name was, hit one of the support beams on the warehouse causing a huge chunk on the ceiling to fall straight onto Sari.

“SARI!”—Bumblebee and Bulkhead

Buddy webbing Sari and booking it.

“Hey! Let me go!”--Sari

“SARI!”--Bumblebee

“GET BACK HERE!”--Bulkhead

“This wasn’t the plan! This wasn’t the plan! This wasn’t the plan!”—Buddy

Now Buddy did plan on putting the human down as soon as she was out of the warehouse, but apparently the boys weren’t going to let Buddy stop. And there was no way that Buddy was going to let the little one down in a potentially dangerous area.

“Put Me Down!”--Sari

“You want me to put you down here midair over your cities busy streets?!”--Buddy

“Well not here, here.”--Sari

“When I see a safe spot I’ll drop you off so you can go on with your life, but right now your safest option is with me kid.”--Buddy

“Tell that to them! It looks like your kidnapping me!”--Sari

“I know it does kid! I know!”--Buddy

Buddy was swinging her way above the roofs of the giant buildings when she felt something huge force ram into her side causing her to tumble down on the roof below.

She made sure that Sari was tucked away safely so the fall would hurt her.

“You okay kid?”--Buddy

“Yeah… you’re pretty nice for a Con.”--Sari

“Yeah—”--Buddy

“Servos where I can see them!”--Optimus

“…”--Buddy

“Optimus!”--Sari

“Let the human go and get up slowly Decepticon.”--Optimus

“…”--Buddy

There in all his glory was Optimus with his axe in his servos and wearing a determined look on his faceplate.

Slowly Buddy placed Sari down on the ground as she sent a sos message to any Con nearby to pick her up. Apparently, she stood up too quickly because the axe was coming closer and closer.

Buddy wanted to scream and yell that Optimus that it was her. She wanted to say something, anything, but her voice box didn’t seem to work too choked up with emotions that were buried and painful flashbacks.

She did her best to evade every strike which as it turned out not to be too hard. Optimus was always one to copy his fighting moves directly from the textbooks.

Sari did try to explain the situation to Prime but it didn’t help the way she phrased some of the things.

And the fact that he didn’t know who she was. To him, she was simply a weirdly colored Con that was stealing from a human business.

Then next thing Buddy knew she was on the ground with Optimus above her ready to strike, a strike to wound not kill, something Buddy was thankful for.

But that’s when Buddy’s voice box decided to work as a last effort way to stop him.

“Times up Decepticon!”--Optimus

“Optimus Stop!”--Buddy

The axe was a couple of inches from her when it stopped.

Optimus paused a bit, giving Buddy enough time to roll out of his grasp and putting some space between the two.

“How do you know my name?”--Optimus

“…I’d be a pretty crummy friend if I didn’t know my best friends name.”--Buddy

“…Buddy?”--Optimus

“Hey Prime.”--Buddy

“But how? You weren’t… your signal… we looked for you—”--Optimus

“Apparently you didn’t look hard enough Prime. Those spiders found me quicker than you three did. And now… and now that doesn’t matter anymore.”--Buddy

“We searched for you Buddy! The scans didn’t read anything—”--Optimus

“Prime drop it.”--Buddy

Wait, your part organic now—”--Optimus

“Optimus stop it.”--Buddy

“That’s why the scanners didn’t read that you were still there! We have to tell—”--Optimus

“We are not telling anyone about anything!”--Buddy

“What?! What about Sentinel? Do you think he doesn’t deserve the right to know what happened to you? What about Elit—”--Optimus

“QUIET!”--Buddy

“…”--Optimus

“I’m not heading to Cybertron so they can just dissect me on a cold lab table.”--Buddy

“We won’t let that happen Buddy. I won’t let that happen to you. I promise that.”--Optimus

“Don’t do that Prime.”--Buddy

“Don’t do what?”--Optimus

“Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.”--Buddy

“And what have you go back to the Decepticons?”--Optimus

“Yes.”—Buddy

Buddy needed to leave.

Buddy had never been more overjoyed to hear Lugnut’s engines than what she did at that moment. Before the Prime could ask any more questions Buddy swung her webs at the aircraft as it took her away from the roof tops below.

She climbed into the open back and closed it shut.

“How did the mission go? You pressed the sos for air support I assumed you found more steel—”--Lugnut

“Lugnut… Just… just get us back to the base…”--Buddy

“… Should I alert Lord Megatron of our arrival?”--Lugnut

“…Sure, Big guy. You do that.”—Buddy

When they arrived to the base Buddy still didn’t want to get out. She doesn’t want to face everyone else, not now.

Blitzwing is the one who carries Buddy out and goes to the medbay.

Starscream grabs the rest of the steel beams and heads to the medbay.

Lugnut transformed to get Megatron.

“Lord Megatron!”--Lugnut

“Yes Lugnut. Did Buddy return from the mission?”--Megatron

“Yes, a successful mission, but she did have a run in with some of the Autobots.”--Lugnut

“She what?”--Megatron

“She had a run in with some of the Autobots Lord Megatron—Lord Megatron?!”--Lugnut

Megatron hurrying to the medbay.

Blitzwing sets Buddy on the med slab and starts inspecting for any injuries as Starscream was complaining about putting the steel in its correct place.

“Boys, I’m fine.”--Buddy

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him.”--Starscream

“Shush!”--Icy

“Icy, really this isn’t necessary. Anyways you’re the one who needs the patch job.”--Buddy

“Something clearly happened. You didn’t want to get out of Lugnut.”--Icy

“And that never happens!”--Hothead

“Were you playing peek-a-boo!”--Random

“Its just been a long day that’s all.”--Buddy

Enter Megatron

“Leave us.”—Megatron

Once everyone had left the room, Megatron sat down beside Buddy. A silence fell over them. After a bit, he asked what happened.

Buddy couldn’t hold it in. She told him almost everything that happened, Buddy still refused to give away the names of the Bots and Sari.

This irked him a bit, but at least Buddy was talking to him. He stayed next to Buddy as she told the rest of the story. Buddy tried hard to keep the coolant from spilling in front of Megatron. That was one of the last things she wanted to do.

They spilled when Megatron gently placed his servo on her shoulder and rubbed it softly. Megatron, the mighty Decepticon war lord, who had faced Death head on in the battlefield against all odds, held Buddy close to his chassis as she cried and trembled.

He promised to teach those who wronged his… friend? Whoever wronged Buddy a lesson. After all pain was a powerful teacher, and he intended on making them wise.

Meanwhile with Optimus.

Once he came back to the plant with Sari and Bumblebee and Bulkhead, he went straight to his room.

“What’s with Boss-bot?”--Bumblebee

“Don’t know?”--Bulkhead

“I think it has something to do with the new Con.”--Sari

He couldn’t believe it.

Buddy was alive!

Buddy was alive.

Buddy was a con.

A con…

And this was all his fault.

As soon as he’d get communication with Cybertron, he needed to get in contact with Elita and Sentinel.

The only thing he could do now was hope that he would cross paths with Buddy again and ask more questions on what happened to her.

And apologize to his best friend.

The friend he left behind.

[trans-queen-administrator]

Honestly? I think Aisha had a crush on Taylor, and it makes her character so much more fun too. Her first meeting she gets to tease her a bunch and then the next time they meet she sees that Taylor is incredibly brutal and idk. I think she's weird enough that that would make a spark for her. Obviously Taylor barely noticed Aisha, and ends up dating her brother, so I think this crush withered a bit and likely made her kinda bitter as a whole, in large part because Aisha hurts a lot when people she wants to notice her don't. She thinks she's over it when Taylor leaves, she's been hurt enough already, and then Taylor comes back and oh no she is not over it at all and so she flirts with her a few times through Gold Morning, and she has an actual emotional moment with Taylor where she tells her it's ok to feel things, and she gave up on the crush but maybe she can still be important enough for Taylor to notice and not dismiss.

And then Taylor is barely Taylor, and Aisha is following her through portal after portal, watching as the fun-to-tease dumbass that made her heart flutter becomes more and more unhinged. Taylor is unraveling at the seams, and she's doing it all alone, even surrounded by thousands of capes for her army she's so alone. Except for Aisha. Taylor doesn't even know Aisha is there, she's never noticed her anyway, but she's alone and she's breaking down and she's still the woman Alec teased her about liking all those years ago. So Aisha does all she can to soothe her even as she stops being her, she sings soothing melodies, fixes Taylor's hair, gently rubs her back. So many things Taylor would never let happen, but that she needs to have. And then the golden man dies, and everyone is surrounding Taylor and wondering what to do with her, and she's going to attack them, and Aisha finally lets her power down and Taylor notices her for once. The joy from that hardly makes up for having her free will stolen and a knife put in her mouth as a threat, and if Aisha could move she'd let out a bitter laugh about how fitting it is that this was the time Taylor noticed her.

And then Taylor is gone. She's not coming back this time. And despite Aisha's best efforts, she can't quite move on from the crush just like she can't move on from Alec's friendship. So she does what she wishes people would do for her, she makes sure Taylor is remembered. She confronts Shadow Stalker and lets her know just how much Taylor mattered, because all those people afraid of Khepri and wanting to forget her didn't see her as tears streamed down her face and blood dried on her skin and her posture slumped like a corpse. They didn't see how human she was, how much she sacrificed. But Aisha did. Aisha saw the girl that she had fun teasing in the apartment slowly disappear. She saw someone so determined that they left their mind behind for the greater good. She saw Taylor at her lowest, and she was the only one who really saw her. She'll never get over seeing the hollow shell of Taylor Hebert breaking down as she sings to her, she'll never forget her. So she has to make sure other people don't forget her. It's her love language, and sometimes it feels like no one else speaks it.

[tothepointofinsanity]

weeh, this went very out of hand, but here is writing.

"i plan to confess to him tomorrow. "

it's a smile. it's not your own, it's foreign. the smile belongs to sayaka miki, and you can't be her anymore. your body doesn't host your soul, so the "you" is nothing but a mold. a shell, a casing. to hide the rot inside of you.

you vaguely hear the sound of dripping water, but you don't turn your head. she's talking to you, still. you shouldn't be rude. nod, smile, fold your hands. that is what sayaka does. keep up impressions. and when sayaka's schoolmate leaves, you will stop.

your head falls limp like a puppet with it's strings cut when she leaves. sitting on the cold, hard bench, you will yourself to stand. you feel disconnected. body, heart, soul, mind, only one of them is "yours".

your name is sayaka miki. you're friends with madoka kaname. you are a magical girl. a witch in training. the taste of burnt sugar lingers at the back of your throat. your legs move without your prompting, and your head feels heavy.

yet still, when she sees madoka, sayaka miki smiles without prompting. light in a dark place.

( she isn't stupid. )

you smile wider. make it believable, miki.

( she knows you're a fake. )

you're sure the smile is strained now. madoka reaches out to you, expression blurry and concerned.

( she only wants her real friend back. there's something rotten inside of you. )

"haa, don't worry so much, madoka!" sayaka miki pulls her hand away in a grand gesture.

( drip, drip, drip. )

" im just a little shaky from last night's patrol! so, stop worrying!"

( the sound of running water echoes in your ears. madoka looks away and you turn your head to shake the sound out. when you look back, she's gone. )

" oh. " you smile. empty and foreign. your hair is wet, soaked with water. that's how it should be. you aren't human because you aren't meant to be. humanity, impure and empty, meaningless and fake, you are free from it. sayaka miki is free from it.

you are sayaka miki, and you do not belong to the land.

your feet dip into the salty ocean and you let yourself slip away, let madoka slip away, let kyubey slip away, let the world slip away.

rushing water fills your hollow shell, and you let the fish consume you.

Ah, thank you for writing ^_^ This is really good…I enjoy the scenic cuts to the sound of water every time Sayaka speaks to others. “Only one of them is ‘yours’ u_u it is true that her fragmented sense of self is due to all these use of magic being mixed into her conflict and despair. I like it a lot, especially the ending. She becomes like a seashell. The writing is really cool Σ੧(❛□❛✿)! I’m happy that I was able to inspire you to write beautiful words. If others could appreciate this, I would be glad.

[lilycolbertsstuff]

I just finished the Addicted/Calloway sisters series and I’m positively weeping.

While reading these books I really felt like I was going through a journey with all those characters and I couldn’t be more grateful for that because they taught me so much.

I will truly never forget the way they made me feel and how I learned to accept, love and care for the core six as if they were my friends. I’ve never experienced characters feeling so raw and real and that’s what makes these novels special. What they went through in terms of personal growth and emotional turmoil feels like something that any of us could live through in our lifetimes.

These are the kind of books that remind me why I love reading. We bottle up so much of our feelings to appease society’s standards that sometimes it feels like we’re becoming robots, so it’s nice to have a reminder that it’s ok to feel all sorts of emotions whenever and wherever we feel them and if someone tells us otherwise we bring out our inner Rose Calloway Cobalt.

Ultimately the most important value that these books want to transmit to the readers is that we should never be afraid to love and be loved because without this blazing force that drives human beings we would just be hollow shells.

Round of thanks:

- Lily, thank you for showing me that anything is possible if we learn to accept the help of the people around us. Thank you for showing me that being shy is not a weakness. It’s ok to struggle, it’s ok to take it slow and it’s ok to fall down on our path to happiness but in the end we will make it and we will be deserving of it. There’s no right definition of strength and I’ll make sure to remind myself of that.

- Lo, thank you for showing me that the people who struggle in their early years are not doomed to a future of failure and despair. I struggle with my insecurities just like Lo did, feeling inferior, stupid, worthless but watching him evolve and become the amazing person he is moves me to strive and work on myself to become someone I will be able to say I am proud of in the future.

- Rose, thank you for reinforcing in me the fact that love is the most powerful force in the world. You are a blazing fire that is not afraid to drop everything and put herself on the line for the people she loves, I aspire to be as courageous as she is one day. She is a feminist and is never afraid to put out her ideas into the world and confront with her head held high all the men who would even try to doubt her. She loves fiercely and without any restraints and I think that’s what we should all live our lives like. I think the greatest lesson she has taught me is that you should always be true to yourself and never try to change your personality just so you might be appreciated more by others, for the people who cherish you accept you for who you are to your core with all your vices and virtues.

- Connor, I’ve loved your character ever since your first appearance, thank you for taking us along your journey of learning to accept love into your life. I know it’s hard, especially if you’ve never felt something as strong as that but in the end, even though there might be heartache along the way, it is all worth it. His open mindedness helped me get more comfortable in my sexuality and I will never be more thankful to him for that.

- Daisy, I want to thank you because watching you go on your journey of finding your own voice and learning to speak your mind without being afraid of other people’s judgement. We can’t always pretend to be ok with what other people tell us to do and that’s completely fine because in the end expressing what we think and want in a respectful way will help define our own path.

- Ryke, I wish I were as selfless as you are. Your compassion and will to do good and help the people in need are qualities that not many people have. I think of Ryke as a lighthouse, always there to show the right way to the people who may have lost their own light. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Having said so, I will for sure revisit these books in the future because these characters feel like family now and to me family comes first.

Until next time 🪷🌹🌼

Ps. Poppy Calloway I wish we could’ve seen more of you.

[groversimp]

Making The Bed

synopsis: you got your victory, you’ve got everything you wanted- but it’s not what you imagined

OCTAVIAN CONTENT 😈😈😈 I LAVA HIM

warnings: angst, traitor!reader, octavian HATES the greeks frfr, major character death.

reader is greek but lives in Camp Jupiter because I said so.

🙏🙏 the word “man” used, but in a sense that it’s about mankind not you being a man

You feel him before you see him, behind you in the dark, labyrinth-like tunnel. Turning your head, you meet the eyes of your ex-lover. Octavian’s gaze narrows.

A pause. A breath. It reminds you of the countless hours you two had spent in domestic solitude. Back then, you didn’t mind the quiet- you welcomed it with open arms, just like you did to him. But now it’s a shell of what once was. What you had lost.

You spoke first. “Octavian,” you greet him, voice echoing in the dewy, dirt-lined tunnel; the home-base of your traitorous rebellion.

You hadn’t wanted to help the old, primordial gods in their revolution. You wanted to stay far away from war, far away from Greek drama, and far away from Gaia. But, when the Earth Titan spoke to you in a hushed voice- first in your dreams, then in your daily life- it was hard to ignore. And when she showed you visions of your dear Octavian with a knife to his throat, a gun to his head, you couldn’t deny your need to protect him. Even if it met betraying all you loved.

“Don’t.” Octavian says, voice so sharp and so harsh it didn’t feel right. You wanted to reach out, sooth the bitter expression that graced his face, like you once would’ve. But that’s not your place anymore, and someday he will find someone else to bring sun to his storms.

“You killed them, Y/N.” He speaks again, like you’re not human. “You killed so many Romans. You watched them die.” He scoffs, shaking his head. You swallow, you can’t deny your sins. Not when you stand in front of an angel.

“It wasn’t supposed to end like this, love.” You tell him, a hollow voice. “Please just—“ You try to reach out to him, “no!” He cries back, pulling his dagger out.

He looks at you, so close but universes away. You catch your reflection in his eyes, and you seem more lion than man in this moment.

Silenced, you shake your head. You try to speak, you really do try. But what words would convey the culpability that hangs over your head? A noose tied by the strings of fate. “Octavian, I—“ your voice breaks. The whispers of right and wrong, duty and loyalty, murmur out to you.

Right now, pure instinct sets in. Your fate was written long ago by the gods and Titans that had forsaken you. Fight, flight, and freeze; responses to danger, and you wanted to do all three in this moment.

So you do the one thing you were made to do.

You pull the dagger out so quickly he couldn’t stop you, and it burrowed into Octavian’s gut just as quickly. The noise of horror he lets out would haunt anyone— god or man— but you were neither, something in the middle yet so far from the scale. A demigod gone dark, fed by shadows and angered by light.

His blood spills on you, and the sensation of him being so close is a ghost of what once was. What could’ve been you and him, if time had allowed you such a mercy. But there was no mercy with monsters. Just as you couldn’t give Octavian mercy, or grace, allowing him to live without you. He was all you breathed, all you lived for, and he has been made unclean and ruined because of it.

“Come on.” You ease him as he stumbles, you catch him as he falls. His head rests on your shoulder and he coughs out blood. It stains your shirt and you almost grin.

“I’ll protect you,” he can’t respond, but he sighs and shakes in your arms- body relaxing as his breath becomes more labored. Your hand comes to cup the back of his head, shielding him from the world that ruined you both so bad.

You let him rest, pretending you are back in Camp Jupiter and unscathed- before you had been burned alive, and burned all around you.

Now, in the dark tunnel, you can’t feel him.

[shenenenigans]

now i lay me down to sleep, i pray the lord my soul to keep; for if i die before i wake i pray the lord my soul to take.

mentions of religious trauma(? not really) below the cut

To be honest, I always resorted to some form of prayer when I felt down. I didn’t believe in a God, not really, but my owner did. I don’t really think that a higher power truly exists. If it did, I wouldn’t feel like a hollow shell of a human being.

This world is not perfect. I knew that for a fact. But religion told me the world is made to be flawless. That’s not true. When I looked out into the vast expanse of space, so many things exploded or died in an instant. Nothing would need to be destroyed if it was perfect in the first place.

I’m shocked I haven’t died yet. I was supposed to, I think. And yet…

I would give anything to trade my life for hers. I wish I was strong enough to save her, but I wasn’t. She was like family to me. Now she’s gone, and I can’t do anything about it.

That wasn’t my only regret. I’d rather I didn’t talk about the other one. Not that anyone would want to hear.

tags!: @bluemoonscape @aakaneeee @rockwgooglyeyes @starry-skiez @4listr @paradisedisconcert @pwippy @nottoonedin @apriciticreveries IF I GOT TAGS WRONG MB BTW I TRIED TO REMEMBER. tell me if you wanna be removed or added!!!

[littldoctor]

Just watched the runaway bride and thought it was magnificent I did end up crying again bc Donna is like "you need someone to stop you" and the Doctor's face just fell, like complete devastation and then when she asks him for her name one last time his eyes just shine with contained tears and even his voice sounds thin and unstable and he says her name again and just leaves.

Like, he was so angry and sad at the beginning, with this screaming lady inside his ship and her taking Rose's shirt and telling him it was not the first time he kidnapped a woman before and his face, literally, he seems so lifeless for a moment there at the beginning, just hollow, no life, no excitement, no emotions, just a shell of a man.

And he tells her he lost her, but doesn't elaborate obviously and when he asks Donna to trust him, to jump into the tardis while being in a car on a highway and she yells at him "did your friend trust you? The one you lost?" and just it broke my heart, but he tells her "she's not dead, she's so alive." and that is true and it just hurts all over again bc she's alive but he lost her either way.

And the first time she ask for her name the doctor just changes the topic without a thought, just a wall there, like, no. We're not gonna talk about that. And Donna just has to deal with it.

Also the bit where he sees the blonde girl dancing and they just show bits of new earth when he helped rose up and held her, that, that nearly killed me, like really, how am I crying while some dude is fighting robots dressed as santa in a failed weeding? Like how did I end up here?

The moment where he asks her that she could go with him and travel just made me bawl my eyes out, the "you could come with me." of the doctor and Donna just literally said no so fast and he was like okay ill just leave then. She tries to get him to eat Christmas Dinner with her mainly and her bc he told her he did last year with his friend's family but he refused as well, literally was about to fly off but Donna screamed his name so he opened the door again and then she telling him he's going to find someone or something like that, that he can't be alone or that he won't and like, literally he just lost that, he lost his forever, he lost his Rose, his motivation, his everything.

And now there it is, another human telling him he's going to find that not knowing that he had it, but she won't go with him, she tells him to his face it is terrifying, that his way of life is too much, that he's going too fast.

Literally the doctor was just about to stop, he was literally heartbroken and just forced himself into working again to save Donna, if she hadn't appeared maybe the doctor would have just drifted away for centuries, mourning and grieving, and sure it wasn't healthy to just force himself into action again without a second to mourn Rose, but like there weren't any good alternatives left, really.

I loved this episode I really did, but as much as it made me laugh it made me cry bc the doctor just sees Rose everywhere and it's clear he's going towards a path of self-destruction now, without anyone to tell him when it is enough.

[prhvlbop]

my thoughts on most cast members are not fully developed yet (even the ones i've already posted about, honestly) but there's something i really like about daan and karin's social dynamic. i think they're good character foils, in the sense that understanding one of them gives you a better lens to understand the other one from?

i know i've recently made a post about daan, but he was traumatized by his family at a young age and responded to it by not seeking help until after they were already out of the picture -- he didn't act on any agency he had before then, or take risks in order to minimize the damage they had on his life -- and upon being forced to make a decision on what to do with himself in their absence, as a kid, he ends up seeking out a similar dynamic in the form of the baron, who sort of impressed and insisted upon him who he should be and what he should be doing, and structures his life under his influence. he has never invested any part of his identity into himself, only other people. and now in his adulthood, he still takes a backseat to his role in his own life, despite having the agency to insist otherwise. there's nothing he truly wants to do, and every decision that he makes for himself is one he has been lead into. most events of his life were not decisions he actively made, but came to pass through acquiescence. it's as if he has dissociated through every memory and every event, even now. he takes an immensely passive role on Himself.

karin was always stubborn and independent due to her family's negligence and lack of personal affection, and at some point in her childhood is unsure if she's either genuinely entrusted to her babysitter or was kidnapped by her -- a fact that can only be confirmed by her own memory and perception of events, which becomes the main thing she trusts. she has never invested any part of her identity into other people, only in herself. it's hitting her in a sore spot that unexplainable events are happening when she KNOWS her best tools to protect herself are to trust herself and trust her gut, which is the basis for a lot of the 'gas leak' jokes. she is kidnapped and violently resists it as much as she feels able, and becomes both paranoid and distrustful with a strong sense of personal justice. it's what she wants to do, and is a decision that she made for herself in the face of opposition. most decisions she has made in her life, for herself, were in the face of opposition, struggling for any sense of security that makes things seem both safe and correct. she reacted to her own lack of agency (in lack of affection from her family, in lack of control over her life due to kidnapping, in injustice being done to her without her input) with deep-seated anger, paranoia, distrust, dogged stubbornness, individuality, and self-isolation. the first thing she does upon a new game start is, literally, run away from everyone else. she takes an immensely proactive role on Herself.

which makes a fun 'immovable object' versus 'unstoppable force' conversational dynamic! of COURSE she can't stand him. he repeatedly caves to whatever her complaints are with passive nonchalance, because he's only used to people that assert things onto him. she can't stand that he doesn't react with equivalently strong emotion, because it emulates her lack of control over the situation and her own life. she's obsessed with pursuing rigid facts to rely on in the face of human deceit and cruelty, and he's vague and alexithymic in the face of human deceit and cruelty. he very much has a Blank Soul, emotionally corrupting himself into a hollow shell of apathy, and she very much has an Endless Soul, emotionally corrupting herself into a hollow shell of hypervigilance. and i just think it's so funny that she both wants to get a rise out of him so badly and it's also the exact way to never get a rise out of him at all because he's so used to being dictated!!!

[beezonia]

A heartfelt meal. —-

Adrino week day 2! I have decided to make them all pokèmon au themed (not sorry)

Here’s Nino being a sweet bean like always!

——

Nino had realised 3 months into his and Adrien’s relationship, that his team was exactly a mirror image of him.

Wether it was Plagg (the Torracat) being an absolute menace when it came to sweets (well pokepuffs, plagg never really liked human food)

Or Chelle (the Audino) being an absolute sweetheart to everyone she met, pokèmon or human she loved to make people smile.

Nino saw his partner in all of the pokèmon that he surrounded himself with.

He loved it, it was a reminder that no matter what Adrien was a beautiful person, who loved him so much.

——-

It wasn’t always like this if Nino’s gonna be honest, at first he really did struggle to bond with them all.

Specifically Adrien’s Tyrunt, Neeve.

She’d always been skittish, hiding herself in corners and separating herself from the others (both his and Adrien’s pokemon)

Nino thinks it’s because she was there when Adrien felt that way, when Adrien felt like he was lost and alone in that large hollow shell of a home.

He doesn’t blame either of them, it just hurt to see them in pain.

The person he loved, and the pokèmon that he loved, that Nino wanted to love too.

So Nino did the one thing he knew best! He cooked, cooked pasta and chilli. Those comforting meals he knew could warm someone’s heart.

For Neeve he made a soothing mix of herbs and nutrients for her feed. Just so she knew, Nino cared for her as much as he cared for her trainer.

Adrien had embraced him in a tight hug, a comforting hug. Smile on his face, tears in his eyes.

He was happy, his boyfriend had loved the meal and the thoughts put into it.

Neeve had been hesitant, sniffing and pushing the kibble around in the bowl with her snout.

She eventually started to chomp on it. Polished it of actually, her tail wagging with joy.

Adrien had broken down in tears seeing his pokèmon so happy after all the hurt. Profusely thanking Nino for being the reason she had slowly come out of her shell again. Nino had loved sharing his cooking with those closest to him, and he vowed to continue till they grew old and grey.

——

Here they were, 3 years later. All of them packed into the large garden on a sunny afternoon.

Nino and Adrien staring fondly as Neeve (Now a Tyrantrum) plays with Wayzz (Nino’s Torterra) and Chelle.

“I’m so proud of her.”

The blonde smiles brightly at him, head leaning on Nino’s shoulder.

“I’m proud of both of you.”

Is Nino’s response, placing a quick peck on Adrien’s head.

It was bliss.

——

I love them, let these boys parent pokèmon for the rest of their lives!

[megashadowdragon]

"Honestly while im not up to date with the fic the talk about the finale unfortunately cemented to me that the show will fall a lot shorter than it's potential.

In my view Addam himself was kinda wasted as this strawman (he really was even with the idea of being easily topable).

Shit on the actual cannon was too convenient to frame the hotel as this righteous rebels without truly tacking what means to achieve redemption and earn salvation. It was all.. reduce to a binary choice of good versus evil that hurt the story a lot.

Now while Anon have his own idea i though on a intresthing angle to why Adam would hate hell. Eve commited suicide of the soul anahilation kind. Like follow this line of thought, you are created to rule the earth with your wife, but you alway butt head (the book was bullshitting and both are at faul) your wife run with a dicked, wich sucks but there's no love so good riddance.

Then you get a new wife and you 2 get along really well, soulmate even. But the the Ex-wife and he dickhead boyfriend show up with a stupid idea and deceive Eve to eat the fruit, wich dammed you both, but you still your wife and try, keyword try to live happy despite being cursed with the knowledge of what truly was lost and how evil corrupted the original human nature.

Then when you finally reaches the house of your father for you final rest, you discover hell, and Eve couldn't take the knowledge that that damnation was eternal for her children and off herself forever. So you really lost everything you ever hold dear because 2 assholes thought they knew better, you become able to know hate.

This would make an way more compelling and complicated villain than mr missoginy. Also would make sense why lute would love him, since despite all the sad miserable shell of a man that lost everything still would be able to be loved.

"h

"

Honestly, it may one of the way the show does but this is not necessary a good thing. The shortcomings of Vivize's team is summed up as "Californian midwits can't wirthe anything that is not about them and fall on the same pitfalls" the portrayal of characters on the show itself are heavily limited by the political baggage that lives rent free on their minds. Addam in the show is a strawman to the "establishment/patriarchy" wich really oversimplify what would be a philosophical quandary about salvation into good vs evil story with the "totally original twist that wasn't done to death by anime" that heaven is the bad guy. Making Eve the anti-adam just feed into this narrative that it all due a convenient scapegoat that was killed already. Wich usually don't work when people think about it.

From what I understand to the story here the angle Annon is going is these people are victims of a tragedy, the prideful Lucifer that ever so now still thinks he knows better, the compassionate Lilith that is trying to help the best she can, the bitter and hollow Addam that lost everything and Eve that her portrayal in relation to paradise lost is still not disclosed.

[t4tstarvingdog]

I SURVIVED BEING THIRTEEN YEARS OLD — timothy l.l.s.h.

i don't know the anatomy of mayflies, but an exoskeleton feels an awful lot like an empty shell i imagine

my poetry tag list (ask to be added or removed<3): @gracekisses @callcenterkilljoy @icantleave @hauntedpearl @chaosnatural @raytoroinmybackpack @carveredlund @pinknatural @deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper @obsessionofspn @destielgaysex @gilmorenatural @faithdeans @heartshapedcas @howldean @redwinesupernova @cosmosinfinity23 @impala67-aka-baby @samsrowena @aturnoftheearth @themichaelvan @casbeeminestiel @notreallyaroad @littlebitofdiaz @frogstiel @magdaclaire @babyheller @hellergregoryhouse @saintedcastiel @mayfieldarc @how-the-feathers-have-fallen @cmonprovolone @punishercd

image description below the keep reading

[Image Description: a poem that reads

Scrape me, baby, remake me Like we hold the same heavy weight as Seaweed in the sun;

We’ve got a presence that lingers in the air and I think I’m gonna hang myself with it one day. My Momma never liked the name of chokers because She thought it played into The suicidality of youth but I never knew that those two things Aren’t always synonymous.

Not like they were for me, for my Father, for Momma.

So, I’m walking in the sun and Rotting, and I think she was right because feeling Weight around my throat doesn’t Make me fashionable so much as thrilled that I’m human enough to  Be strangled, if I really tried at it.

They call it fast fashion because We’re like mayflies and We die within a week, no meat on these bones and I don’t think they’ve done enough research to find out if It’s ‘cause we’re hollow or starving.

They don’t tell you when you’re nine years old the  Things you’ll learn are  Synonyms.

—timothy l.l.s.h.

/end description.]

[mako-neexu]

(It's the angst anon again! The one who brings all the guda angst prompts!) This time it's a gudako that is tired of being the last master of humanity that just wants to be someone else for one day. So she starts to lean in heavily to the other roles. One week she's "Christine". The next she acts like what she believes to be the perfect wife for Morgan (Morgan does not like it). In between she juggles being a good daughter for Raikou and mother for Jack. And then a different role and another role. Taking them on until it is clear that the servant has gotten sick of the act and she moves on to the next (she does still continue to be the master when needed, so most just let it happen so long as it makes her happy).

One week she's finally confronted by non other than Oberon when she tries to take on the role of "titania" and (in his own confusing way) tells him to just give up the act and be herself, be "ritsuka fujimaru".

She simply stares blankly. And states "but I don't know how to be "Ritsuka Fujimaru""

Concept is really interesting!

Having more than one role is necessary for life right? You could be someone’s teacher, someone’s mother, someone’s daughter, someone’s lover, someone’s inspiration, someone’s envy, someone’s savior, someone’s rival, someone’s friend.

To Fujimaru, who wants to attain a normal life at best and be with her friends and current family, i think she definitely try her best to be “someone” for them.

Since shes no longer in her “normal everyday life”, all her previous friends and family must be like hazy figures at best, and at worst, she can no longer remember who they are. Only by records and data in her medical profile and data about her.

To take on a role is to discard something first, sacrifice something first. To be that “someone” who can fulfill that person’s desires and in which they seek, she has to make room for things to take place inside her. Shes limited, she’s human in the end after all.

I havent read what titania acts like in shakespeare’s story but she’s a concept right? Only fiction, only derived from inspiration. But she’s compassionate and loyal, head strong, a little like ritsuka that she doesnt have to change much. Yet she does anyways but maybe acts as someone who feels like a fairy, not one, but just feels like it. 

If you watched read oshi no ko, you’d know akane-chan right? She studied Ai’s personality and background so much that when she acted out “her”, Aqua was seriously speechless. I think thats a scenario i want to do between oberon and fujimaru ritsuka in this concept.

Playing a role so perfectly you can’t distinguish what is mask and what is face that when you ask them to stop, stop this at once. You are not her. You will never be her. So stay as “you” are. This play pretend is sickening. It’s as vile as the Abyss, as vile as you. So just be “Fujimaru Ritsuka” goddamnit. That Fujimaru Ritsuka who fought and in the incineration of humanity, that ritsuka who held on too much even if it was painful and the goodbye was inevitable. Just be that for fuck’s sake. 

Just be you.

A graceful tap of a finger on her lips in a pondering manner, Ritsuka hums and smiles, “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, Oberon.” Even her speech, even the way she sits, it was similar to how Aurora acted, similar to how “Titania” acted.

You know what I just fucking said. Quit acting like her or are you seriously dea-

Then, the mask was dropped.

What Oberon saw was a void of a “person”, blank in its entirety, its face shaped to fit an expression, a feeling to suit the atmosphere, to appease and smile for show.

“I’m sorry,” A hollow voice, lacking a role, lacking a purpose, lacking the feelings that are connected to it. Another person- entity so different from the other personalities adopted and developed in these past years. 

An original replaced, shredded, put together, used, discarded, leaving behind nothing but its shell still somehow conscious and moving of its own volition.

“But I don’t know how to be that person anymore.”

[ortegaywolfie]

A BROKEN SOUL - WENCLAIR FIC

The werewolf howled painfully, its hoarse throat making the sensitive ears of the rest of the pack bleed. Huge claws raked trees and exposed fangs made clear the will to not be disturbed in its misery. The full moon shone in the dark sky, illuminating the path of the maddened wolf seeking comfort for its broken heart.

"She needs her mate, Dad. Soon her lupine form will go completely mad, we will lose her!" The male voice sounded anguished, pleading.

"We can't force her, son. Your she-wolf cries every moon for her mate and her human form deteriorates more every day, I think there is something wrong with her chosen by Selene" The other thick voice sounded, broken by the scene in front of him.

"I don't want to lose her, Daddy. I don't want to lose Enid" The boy whimpered, sad, watching the wolf with colored locks lost in hurt howls and fits of rage.

Wednesday never really hated her visions, sometimes they were inopportune and chaotic and constantly led her into investigations that could cost her her life? Well, yes. But lately they were painful, desperate and left a bad taste in her mouth, an unappreciated bitter taste. Her visions were harbingers of destruction, desolation and pain; Wednesday never believed in anything, was never religious, never needed to cling to a higher deity to solve her problems, to hell with them, she was an Addams, no matter what stood in her way, no deity would be more capable than she was of getting rid of it. She possessed intelligence, proficiency, and the ability to kill above any idiot who dared to challenge her.

Even with all this, when the first vision came to her after Nevermore, she prayed. Wednesday obediently placed her knees on the floor, braced her hands on the bed, laid her head in her hands and begged, her hoarse voice ripping through the dry throat of fear that shook her bones a few minutes ago still shaking her being. She pleaded hard for any deity who could hear her to have compassion to help an unbeliever, she cried out for any force beyond her ability to stop her vision from happening, little did she know it wouldn't be the first time she had done that.

That was only her first vision of Enid.

That was when the curse began.

Mornings were the less worst, her body motionless in bed for hours seemed to calm the poison coursing through her body, corroding her veins and shutting down her limbs. Ah, the beauty of the Addams curse, fated to find a single being to love and adore until the end of its existence, made to care for and protect its person from any harm. It was beautiful when it worked out, a singular and everlasting love. For Wednesday, it started with a tingling in her fingertips while writing or playing the cello after her 19th birthday.

The curse lived up to its name, cursed from the beginning, the Addams were devoted lovers, they needed to be, it was in their blood as well as that demonic poison. The Addams who couldn't find it, lived without ever having to suffer from it. The Addams who were rejected, went mad, became a hollow shell of lamentations and delusions, until their usually premature death.

But few were the Addams who refused, refused to give in to the perpetual love of another human being chosen by the curse. These Addams suffered for as long as their predestined one lived. The veins burned all over the body with the poison that attacked slowly but had a constant pain, starting at the extremities, hands and feet burned as if they were in the fire, bringing black lines where the veins should be and destroying the nerves, leaving a slight excruciating tingle with the feeling that you can still use the affected part, but you can't.

Wednesday, now 22 years old, wore a black cane with a wolf's head studded in white gold, had from his foot to just below his right knee covered in black veins that pulsed painfully against skin that just tingled, making the mixture maddening. She sat up in bed, watching the disembodied hand running across the floor for the cane as she stretched. Leaning on the cane, she nodded gratefully to Thing and headed for the bathroom. Hygiene done, she made her way downstairs for breakfast, Thing never leaving her side for any emergency.

"Good morning my beautiful storm cloud, how are you?" Gomez asked as soon as his daughter entered the room.

"Terrible, father" the short answer showed little interest in continuing the subject, which was respected by the man.

Grandma entered the room babbling randomly with a bowl of soup that was deposited in front of her firstborn.

"Any change?" Grandma asked, analyzing her granddaughter who promptly began to eat.

"My hands are starting, I can feel it burning like it's going to peel the skin off the bones" Wednesday explained, startling the table.

"That's strange, let me see" Grandma asked, pulling at her granddaughter's gloves, the fingertips of both hands were dark as bruises, the same way it started on her leg.

"That doesn't make sense, there is something wrong with your chosen one, my dear" The older one noted, it shouldn't move that quickly since the curse was meant to last for years, slowly punishing until it caused Addams brain death.

"You should talk to her, dear. You know you can reverse it" Morticia tried once again. Since graduating from Nevermore, Wednesday had cut off contact with absolutely everyone she met there, even when the curse started she never told them who her person was and they never insisted, they only knew that she was a woman and that what was done was done, she couldn't go back on her.

"You know I won't do that, she deserves better" Wednesday sighed, tired of the same old talk.

"You are too stubborn. Accept her as yours and a commitment to physiotherapy and you would have your mobility back" Gomez complained, he knew the curse would stop, the affected parts could be rehabilitated but his daughter just didn't seem to care.

"She's not mine, I can handle that stupid curse, I'm an Addams." Wednesday growled, cold gaze passing over each person at the table.

"That curse is from our ancestors, it is the only thing capable of breaking us, Wednesday. Letting yourself be destroyed by it makes you exactly what you never wanted, weak" Morticia's sentence weighed heavily, causing Wednesday to stare at her with slumped shoulders and a sad face.

"I'm tired of the visions with her, that drug in my body doesn't bother me for killing me, but knowing that her rapid advancement is because there is something going on with her makes me hopeless." She had broken herself into millions of pieces for Enid to live, what could be killing her? Strangely, she felt lighter, putting that out there was like being able to breathe for a few seconds. Every full moon day her nightmares were filled with the depressing and irrational werewolf, during the days her visions showed the girl with the colorful locks listless, with the protruding bones and the lost blue eyes. The curse wouldn't drive Wednesday crazy, but those visions of Enid would.

Graduation, the most anticipated moment for all Nevermore students, even Wednesday felt less miserable.

"Willa, I wonder if we can talk after dinner?" the voice of Enid sounded anxious from across the room. Wednesday was sitting on her bed, lacy black dress, similar to the one from the first prom, clung to the body of the smaller girl who watched the blonde finish her makeup.

"We're here now. Speak up" Wednesday replied, catching the blonde's gaze through the mirror.

"I think I'd better not, I'd rather have it later. Please" the blonde did the puppy dog eyes, smiling when the brunette huffed and agreed with her head.

"Don't hide the scars, they're pleasant to look at" Wednesday warned, watching the girl blush under her makeup and lower the primer that went straight to the pink marks on her forehead and cheek.

"You must be the only person who thinks they're pretty," the blonde remarked, tidying the curls at the end of her hair and standing up.

"And yet you never cover for them when I ask, is the fact that I like them enough for you?" Wednesday asked, curious. She stood up toward the door, not seeing the bright blue ones staring at the back of her head.

"That's the only thing that matters."

Bianca gave her speech and the calling of the students to pick up their diploma, was miserable, to say the least. All the crying and screaming was making Wednesday incredibly homicidal and exhausted. Dinner was quieter, the families seemed focused on their children, asking about future plans and congratulating on the current achievement.

Wednesday remained quiet at her table, watching Pugsley and Eugene interact. They were distinctive and complementary, and the brunette secretly adored them both. Gomez was holding his emotions well with his wife's support, but allowed himself to be affectionate with Eugene who was open to the older man's bear hug.

Wednesday missed her mother's narrowed eyes as soon as she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, sending shock through her body. Enid.

"Can we talk now, Willa?"

With Thing's help, Wednesday returned to her room, she would take advantage of the wave of miserable inspiration to write while she could. Grandma's potions lessened the fire coursing through her veins, making the burning tolerable to get through the day.

She propped her cane on the side of the table, sitting down with a thud, and forced herself to write, she would finish at least the third book before she lost the nerves in her hands. The hands, being struck prematurely by the black lines, what the hell was happening to Enid? Why was her curse advancing so fast? Her last visions of the woman were terrible, but they were omens, not actual, right? They couldn't be current, why would Enid be in such a deplorable state that she suffocated Wednesday in a merciless grip whenever she caught a glimpse of the blonde?

Wednesday was pulled out of the worry spiral by the hand that accompanied her, Thing was pounding incessantly on the bedside table to draw the brunette's attention to the piece of clothing tossed on her bed, making her heart squeeze painfully in her rib cage. A black snood with a small scorpion knitted in white on the edge, Enid had made her in second year. But that was not the most vivid memory she had of that time.

The rain roared heavily outside, the black sky being whitened by lightning made the blonde restless in her bed letting out frightened whimpers and grunts, consequently irritating the goth girl across the room. It was the second year they shared a room, although the brunette had become more tolerant of her roommate, being in the way of her routine still irritated her deeply, and right now, she was irritated and sleepy.

"Enid, stop acting like a puppy and go to sleep," Wednesday growled loudly, uncrossing her arms from her chest and facing the blonde. Enid was sitting up in bed, blanket thrown over her head as she stared at the large window.

"I can't Wed, the thunder is hurting my ears."

"Then cover them, you have headphones for that" Enid met Wednesday's gaze, lowering the blanket from her head revealing the gray headphones over her ears. Wednesday sighed, she needed to sleep.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" offered in a soft tone of voice, she knew it wasn't the blonde's fault so getting angry wouldn't lead to anything.

"Well, if you have another one of Thing to put over my ears, maybe" The blonde complained, her head throbbing from the thundering rain.

"I wouldn't want to have even him"

"Then I guess the answer is no" Enid replied dryly, lying in a fetal position with her hands clenching the headphones to the point of hurting her ears and her eyes closed.

Wednesday sighed defeated, her body vibrating strangely with her roommate's discomfort, she didn't like seeing her like this. Going against her reason and being sure that she would put the blame on her sleep in the morning, she got up. She crept silently over to the blonde ball grunting under the offensively colored blanket, feeling her heart organ twitch painfully.

"Give me some space," she ordered, getting no reaction from Enid. She waited for a loud thunderclap to finish roaring before pulling the headphones from the largest, receiving an annoyed look along with a shout.

"WHAT THE FUCK, WEDNESDAY?" The brunette ignored it, placing the headphone on the nightstand and tucking herself into the covers next to the blonde, who was now wide-eyed and threw herself into the corner of the bed hard, being cushioned by the teddy bears.

"I talked to you, but you didn't listen."

"Sorry if I was trying not to go crazy or deaf" Enid scoffed, still startled by the brunette lying on her bed, feeling her heart beating hard at the approach and her stomach turning dizzily.

"You're forgiven" Enid rolled her eyes at the response, laying back down on the pillow, staring at the brunette.

"Okay...why are you here?"

"This is my room too" The blonde sighed, Sleepy Wednesday was a different kind of irritant than usual, a type Enid had seen only a few times to learn to deal with.

"Why did you come to my bed, Wednesday?"

"Oh, I came to help you." Wednesday replied simply, her eyes heavy and her body relaxing back to sleep. The roar of thunder outside made Enid cry out, without the headphones the sounds hurt too much for her lupine ears.

"Then you're doing a lousy job" The blonde whined, clenching her already red ears with her hands and closing her eyes tightly.

Wednesday regained consciousness enough to finish what she came to do. She moved closer to the blonde, taking her hands away from her ears and pulling her to her shoulders; she hugged Enid's head, pressing her tear-drenched face into her chest and fitting her biceps into her ears with enough pressure to cover them from the sound outside. Enid sighed, surprised at the amount of sudden contact coming from Wednesday, she tried to pull away only to feel her head being buried further into the cold chest; she hugged the smaller body around her waist, took a deep breath of the brunette's scent, Feeling her senses slowly calm down as the hearing problem was solved by the firm arms around her head, the power of a mate was amazing. She let her mind sail toward dreamland, lulled by a whisper made beside her right ear.

"Sleep well, il mio cucciolo."

Wednesday damned the day she brought that gift with her, the day she saw any chance of having Enid destroyed, or rather, the day she destroyed everything. She had dreams of Enid adventuring, her blonde hair blowing in the wind as she kept that smile that could light up Wednesday's darkest thoughts, her oceanic eyes shining in excitement as she ran across a meadow towards her. In her nightmares, she was running to someone else, someone she would share her life with, someone who would give her the silence that only happens when two people understand each other, someone she would trust with the most doubtful parts of herself, with whom she would build a family, her mate. If her wishes came true, it would be her. Every day waking up alone after nightmares with the blonde wondering if something had been different, would everything be different? If only she had felt what it was like to be hers, she would know what she was dying for.

Wednesday awoke from self-pity with a burning sensation in her hands, a burning so strong it made her groan and gasp, clasping her hands against her chest. She pulled the gloves off with difficulty, watching the black lines snaking under her skin down to the middle of her hands, her fingers losing their burn from the tingling that afflicted her leg, the nerves twitching until they could no longer be felt. Enid, what is happening to you, il mio lupo?

Pugsley entered the room like a bolt of lightning, being accompanied by the disembodied hand on his shoulder, when Thing had left? The younger man hurried toward his sister, pulling her hands into his own, looking at Wednesday with pain.

"Geez Wed, I'm sorry" He began, facing the brunette. "But you need to do something, are you going to let Enid die without knowing that you love her?" He spoke solemnly, holding the brunette's surprised gaze.

"'Cmon Wednesday, did you really think I didn't know? I studied your senior year there, remember? There was no way I couldn't tell" Pugsley scoffed, watching Wednesday's face fall from surprise to regret.

"I've needed Enid since before this stupid curse. I need her to give meaning to the pumping of my heart, it makes no sense for it to beat if not to devote it to her. I feel breathless, hopeless, burning slowly every fiber of me away from her, going crazy imagining that she is with someone else knowing that even if I don't deserve her, no one will love her like I do. I feel the air burn my lungs from imagining that this poison in me is advancing because she is dying. I need her, Pugs." Wednesday panted, feeling her eyes burn with the tears she held back, she would not cry in front of her youngest.

"Then go after her and tell her the truth, she needs you too" He advised, his sister's broken voice squeezing his heart, he had pulled too much from Gomez to not suffer through his sister's pain.

"Tell her the truth..." Wednesday whispered, letting out all the pain she had held since that night. "Tell her the truth and take the risk of her accepting rather than following the cold moon that assigned her destiny, your mate? No, not Pugsley. Let her think I never loved her, let her follow her destiny without distractions with what she thought it would be to be in love, with what she thought it would be to love me. Enid lives under Selene's choice, I hope she is happy and fulfilled. I will live under my choice, longing that I may feel it one last time, soothe my soul with the balm that is the presence of the one I loved irrevocably in life, carry me into the last breath of death."

[sakuraswordly]

Original Homura age 14 and Original Danny age 14. Imagine when your age 14 and went through only being responsible for the world, their people and yourself when just young without knowing the consequences of how bad they must be through. (For those who know Steven Universe. You know how trauma Steven had been in Steven Universe Future) What Steven changes into Monster Steven. As a combination of his increasing mental instability and uncontrollable new strength, Steven reaches his final emotional breaking point, seeing himself as a hollow shell of the joyful, caring and innocent peace-bringing child he was. After his breakdown, it is revealed that if Steven believes himself to be a monster, he can actually become one. He is then reduced to a mindlessly feral creature intent on causing destruction out of his overwhelming anguish. This is the same way to both Homura and Danny why they chose this path even though they didn't want to.

But they smile at how they suffer for saving the people they love. Homura wants to save Madoka which changes her to evil sacrifice her happiest. Danny wants to save himself from the saddest which makes dark Danny born in this world sacrifice his own life to his half ghost.

How many times do they kill themself without end?

How many times have they tried for this world?

Both Homura and Danny were once weak, very shy and not very strong as normal people which makes them have a few friends. Both Homura and Danny are strong in moving forward but if they fall into despair, they will turn to the devil. See them as cold and strong either as a magical girl or ghost form, they have a very fragile heart more than Syaoran and Sonic.(Even as Dark Danny)

Homura had a heart disease which left her bedridden for a long time, likely leading to her becoming unsocialized. She initially transferred to Mitakihara Middle School as a timid, shy, and unsure girl before getting encouragement from the first person who reached out to her, Madoka Kaname, who also complimented her name, which she mentioned being self-conscious about. Danny who living with ghost-obsessed parents since birth, Danny had to put up with his parents' "unique" personalities, which often traumatized him. Danny wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up and, unlike his parents, had no interest in hunting ghosts. However, this did not stop his curiosity which one day changed his life forever.

That's why in the prime world timeline, when Homura met Danny for the first time, Homura felt attracted to Danny for the first time because Homura felt like she talk to her past self that she never thought.

That's why in the real-world timeline, Homura is always with Danny even if this Danny is not the same Danny from the prime-world timeline. Even though she once lost the world that Madoka wanted to protect and Madoka whom she loved so much, even though Danny had someone he loved in his life, Homura won't let Danny go and she will protect him for not ending up like her or Madoka.

In the same way as Danny as well, he also cares for Homura and knew he and her had the same tragic life, losing their original world, homeland. Even though Danny hates humans but still he wants to protect Homura too. Danny and Homura started to care about the world and people thanks to Punch because Punch also had to feel the same way as they do but Punch not chose to destroy everything around her.

This is what really means in this art from Sonic Crowe(Tsofph Season 6) [A little special due to New Year's Eve], Danny wants to save Punch and Sonic in his own way but doesn't hide from Homura and accepts her to accompany him no matter what. That's why in this art, Danny and Homura hold hands. Homura also blushes to show that this also happens when first met Madoka too. The feeling that Homura had is the same way as she felt for Madoka, her "Love".