#Silas: *longs for family and needs therapy* | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

what-big-teeth · 4 years

Text

Imprint (Asrai Girlfriend, pt. 1)

Female Reader (POV) x Female Monster [Part 2]

tw: near-drowning

It all started with a tire swing suspended over the lake near your family’s shared summer home.

Old and worn, its fraying rope was tied to the thick branch of a dying oak tree; but that didn’t stop your cousins from using it. Neither did their and your parents’ constant warnings.

One summer’s day, during a long-winded session of Truth or Dare, Simon and Silas led you to the lake’s edge. With barely hidden mischief shining from their matching eyes, Simon stepped forward and shoved you towards the oak tree.

“We dare you to take three big swings,” he said. “If you do it without screaming, you win.”

As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t say no. The word was too deeply lodged in your throat, held in place by the larger size and greater strength of your older cousins. With a held breath, you climbed on top of the tire swing and sat down, squeezing the unraveling rope between your knees. The swing pulled back, thanks to your cousins grabbing the old tire’s inner ring and shuffling backwards together. You gulped when the rope went completely taut.

“W-wait,” you whimpered, “I’m not—!“

The first swing took you by surprise, accompanied by your older cousins’ laughter. At its apex, squinting against the sun’s bright rays, you looked back, directly past the lake’s clear surface to the deep bottom underneath. Your stomach heaved and your hands scrambled to tighten their meager grip around the old rope on the back swing.

“Guys! I wanna get off!”

Instead of catching you as you hoped, Simon and Silas just watched as the tire swung backward, still laughing. The highest point came again with a violent lurch that roiled your stomach. Something was wrong.

You screamed out to Simon and Silas again, voice cracking and eyes burning as the tire spun like a top. Like before, they ignored you. And laughed and laughed and laughed—

Something snapped.

You flew, hurled into the air like a ragdoll, the world somersaulting until your back and head collided with something solid. The impact stole the air from your body. When you tried to breathe, your lungs burned. A froth of bubbles raced up above your head towards a wavering light. All as you sank deeper and further, too stunned to do anything but watch.

But not for long.

An unseen force wrapped your wrist in a cold vice and pulled. The sudden speed at which you moved stung your eyes, forcing them closed. But you still heard the rush of water beating against your ears. The pressure built inside them until you could no longer keep gritting your teeth. Your mouth pried open from the pain above the lake’s surface instead of under.

Your hands scrabbled at the lakeside, sinking into the wet soil and seizing a raised, gnarled tree root. Your vision began to blur and you wheezed, unable to properly draw in air due to the wet crackling in your chest.

So when you heard a soft, soothing murmur right by your ear and turned towards the source, you couldn’t believe what you saw.

No girls you knew ever had natural green hair. Or slit pupils. But the thought didn’t have time to root itself in your mind.

With your mother’s screams ringing in your ears, your body gave into exhaustion and everything faded to black.

---------------------------------------------------------------

That was years ago, when you were just a child.

A day-long visit to the nearby hospital guaranteed your recovery, but the accident left its mark in various ways. A rift severed most of the familial bonds between your parents and your uncle and aunt. The only thing they agreed to leave untouched was the shared ownership of the lake house.

Your grandparents’ final request was for it to be a secondary haven in times of need, and the adults couldn’t bring themselves to dishonor that wish. Regardless, estrangement became the norm as you grew up. So you never saw Simon and Silas again.

But you didn’t have time to dwell on the sudden alienation for long. The incident affected you as well. The first result was a wariness of any large bodies of standing water, one you’re still trying to overcome. The second was an odd curiosity: a faint, silvery handprint on your wrist.

It faded over time, but not enough to vanish. The size of the imprint resembled that of a child’s hand, which could no longer encircle your adult-sized joint. It was undeniable proof of what you saw before you were taken to the hospital.

The green-haired girl who saved your life.

Over the years, the mark tugged at the curiosity deep within you. Not insistent, but docile. The sensation gained a life of its own and turned into a steady gentle pulse, coaxing you to follow the underlying urge infused into it.

Return to the lake. And this summer, you intend to answer the call.

“Sweetheart, are you sure about this?”

You slam home the trunk door of your old-fashioned, teal pickup and dust off your hands.

“I am. I talked to my therapist and she thinks safe exposure therapy will help. We’ve scheduled when she’ll check in on me and I have her number on speed dial.”

Your dad steps closer to your mother and wraps an arm around her shoulders. He doesn’t speak. But the stiffness of his movements and the compressed corners of his eyes say enough.

You pocket your car keys and step into your parents’ awaiting, warm embrace.

“I’ll be okay,” you whisper, “Promise.”

To seal the deal, you offer your dad your extended pinky which he wraps his own around, an old, childhood tradition. All while your mom kisses your temple. With a final goodbye and promise to text them, you pull away from the curb and drive off.

An upbeat playlist blasting from your phone makes the three-hour-long drive tolerable. The natural progression from the concrete, city sights to natural scenery doesn’t hurt, either. Soon enough, your truck takes a final turn down an unpaved, dirt road. Each and every bump is just as familiar and nostalgic as they were when you were younger. But without the slight pain to your backside.

You reach the end of the trail, the lake house revealing itself once your pass the last of the towering pines. It’s exactly as you remember it, untouched by time. And without any other vehicles in the driveway.

You step out of your parked truck, inhaling the clean, sharp scent of the surrounding area. Instead of uncomfortable dread, you only feel a sense of peace and calm. With a decisive nod, you get to work.

Unpacking your rolling luggage and cooler takes the better part of an hour. Mainly as the backup generator had to be fired up and the A/C needed to circulate. Blessedly, you don’t find any traces of dust or dirt inside. The place is spotless, the trash having been emptied. Once you’re settled inside, your stomach makes its emptiness known.

Lunch is a simple sandwich, chips, and a chilled bottle of your favorite iced tea. Hunger sated, you tackle the few dirtied dishes and rack them. As you dry your hands, your wrist tingles and cools.

Your gaze lifts towards an uncurtained window, past the glass and out towards the overcast lake. This is your chance.

Brisk footsteps lead you out onto the wooden pier. Here, you used to dangle your bare feet above the lake’s surface and watch the peaceful scenery. But now, you cautiously inch towards the pier’s edge on tense hands and knees to stare down into the water. There’s nothing unusual. Just a few fish gliding along as if they’re flying.

A swift shape darts by and underneath the pier. You stifle a gasp and squint through the small gaps between the wood.

But a sweet, low chirrup interrupts your search. Your gaze turns back towards the pier’s end. Vivid sea-green eyes peer up at you, framed by a heart-shaped face, a button nose, and long, dark green hair. And her light teal skin is smooth and flawless.

Her full lips lift into a sweet smile, one that makes your cheeks fill with a pleasant warmth. It’s an addicting feeling and you find yourself moving to meet her at the pier’s end. Her smile grows even sweeter and your pulse flutters in your chest.

“It’s really you,” you breathe.

Your childhood savior tilts her head to the side, chirping softly. She blinks up at you in an endearing way and you realize the issue.

“You can’t understand me, can you?”

As if hearing the sad tone in your voice, she reaches out her hand and grazes it against yours. Seeing the thin membrane between her fingers, you carefully twine yours with hers. Her skin is cold to the touch but not unpleasant in the humid, summer heat.

She hums, drawing your attention. Her face is much closer than before. Glancing down, you see water curling up from the lake to rest underneath her lithe form, acting as a seat. She purses her lips and your eyes follow the movement of her plush mouth.

Pulse pounding, and hoping your assumption is right, you lean down towards her. She lifts her free hand to cup your warming cheek and meets you halfway.

The kiss is chaste and sweet, and when she opens her mouth in invitation, you immediately accept. She tastes of the berries you used to gather in the past, rich and bright. Your tongue brushes against something sharp and you gasp. But she soothes the sting with her own tongue before tapering off the kiss with smaller pecks.

Dazed, you pull back panting softly. She shows her white, fanged teeth with a grin.

“I can understand you now,” she murmurs, licking her lips.

You feel no fear from the hungry gleam in her eyes. Instead, it sends shivers racing up and down your spine.

“Who are you?”

She brushes the pad of her thumb against your bottom lip.

“You may call me Maris.”

You’re torn between catching your breath or indulging yourself in her again. The choice is made for you when someone calls your name.

Startled, you push away from the pier’s end and land hard on your rear. With a groan, you clamber to your feet, hissing and squirting through the pain. The face you meet isn’t familiar at first thanks to the neat, trimmed beard he has. But if you removed the facial hair, the black-rimmed glasses and the dark bags underneath his eyes…

“Silas?”

Your cousin blinks at you as if fully recognizing you for the first time. He smiles awkwardly and holds up a large hand in greeting.

“Yeah. It’s…it’s good to see you.”

You honestly don’t know if you can truly say the same. But you nod in reply, regardless.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you,” he says.

His bushy brows knit together as if trying to discern your reason. The gesture leaves a sour taste in the back of your mouth. It reminds you of how he and Simon would wrench your words from your mouth when you were little. Like pulling teeth. But you don’t budge and refuse to give in. To your surprise, he does.

“Things...at home aren’t going so well. Sara can’t stand to look at me and my little girl…”

You didn’t expect to learn about his marital problems, let alone the fact that he was married with a child.

“So you need a place to stay, right?”

He nods.

“Just until this small thing blows over.”

With the way his hands clutch helplessly at the air by his sides, you know this ‘small thing’ has to be colossal. But it isn’t any of your business and you hope to keep it that way.

“I already claimed the larger guestroom,” you say. “But the other’s up for grabs and so is the master suite. There’s still room in the fridge for any food you’ve brought.”

Silas rubs the back of his neck and mutters a quick “thank you”.

“I’ll be sure to stay out of your way.”

His retreating shoulders slouch, burdened by an invisible weight as he trudges off the pier towards the lake house. You release the breath you were holding in a slow, steady stream. This wasn’t part of the plan, but you’ll have to make due. You always had as a child and still could.

Before following after Silas, you turn back towards the lake just as a breeze ripples the water’s surface. Sunlight shines down on the peaceful scene.

Maris is gone.

#asrai girlfriend #monster girlfriend #monster romance #exophilia #terato #fae #fair folk #fairy #remember how I said this was going to be a one-shot?#my muse lied to me #it's gonna be a two-shot instead #i'll have the second part posted sometime next week #fem reader #female reader

91 notes · View notes

lovelylogans · 4 years

Note

I (finally? Somehow?) got notified that the Dame Family Christmas Fic™ got posted and sjshssksjs it's everything I ever dreamed about and more! The Danes are SUPER CHAOTIC and I'm so here for it! It sort of reminds me of my own family, in a strange, heartwarming roundabout way. But oh my gosh it was an absolute joy to read. Plus, it's always so fun to see baby Lo being adorable. And Papa Patton finally 👏🏽 getting 👏🏽 rest! 👏🏽. Move aside Virgil, I'm a Patton X Therapy X Sleep shipper now 😂

(2/4) (same anon as before because my love for this installment cannot be contained by just one ask). Honestly? I actually *really* love Silas as a character??? Like, he's a jerk but I know that he's not a *jerk*. And I really hope he'll finally be able to find peace in his daily life. Being bitter because of circumstances he can't easily escape from hits really close to home and I relate. Plus WE FINALLY GOT TO SEE THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE MAGIC HIMSELF, REMUS DUKE! I definitely didn't see that coming-

(anon part 3 lezzgo!) -so it was a surprise to see him pop in like that. He feels so true to Canon and I can just feel how fond he is of Virgil. And vice versa. I love their friendship so much but knowing what happens in the wyliwf Canon, the scene just hits harder. A sentimental, squishy part of me hoped that Remus died knowing he was truly, genuinely loved. By both Virgil and Isadora (Izzy-dory!! That scene in Paper Rings made me feel SO SOFT 😭) Overall, the installment is such a joy to read!

(part 4 last part I swear!) And this only makes me even more excited for future Dane Family content/appearences!! Thank you for giving us such wholesomeness and softness!

oh my goodness, thank you so much!!!! honestly, virgil/patton/therapy/sleep is Such a valid ship, especially in the wyliwf universe, like they Need It So Bad. and i’m glad you liked silas—he’s got a ways to go, and he’ll get there eventually!!!

and the remus cameo!!! that was my first extended scene with remus, i think, and i’m so happy people enjoyed it!!! it definitely made me feel more comfortable with writing him!!! and yes, he certainly does—he has his Moments, but he’s a Good Lad, Really

and thank you very much for reading, comments (and especially long comments!!) always make me so excited!!!!!

#fic response #Anonymous #ask

10 notes · View notes

pietersetm · 4 years

Text

BILL SKARSGARD, 24, CIS-MALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, SILAS PIETERSE! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in “MACGYVER” SURVIVAL SKILLS & NAVIGATION; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (the sound of motorcycles passing, grease stained hands, veins made prominent, a scar under his right eyebrow, lipstick on his collar). when it’s the (libra)’s birthday on 10/22/1995, they always request their REUBEN SANDWICH from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kara, 26, she/her, est

+ south jersey had its charms. or rather, it didn’t. but it had silas. and silas had charm. learned charm. so as far as south jersey was concerned, it had that going for it. + his upbringing felt more like that of a tv characters’ than a real life person’s. on the tv it’s interesting and fascinating and fun and cool and different. in real life it’s just outlandish and provocative and unsafe and questionable. + si’s dad picked up ladies around him since the time he was an infant. he’d been around many scenes he probably shouldn’t have been involving the use of, trade of, and sales of sex and drugs. + growing up poor means not having tools like therapy to identify your trauma. + even if he or his family could afford therapy, it wasn’t something that would be prioritized. things like that were frowned upon in silas’ world. men were told to toughen up and tough it out. so he did. + on the bright side, though also unconventional, silas grew up around motorcycles. he’s pretty sure that common thread between he and his dad saved both their lives. they didn’t talk much unless it was about business or roughriders. + the complete opposite of his everyday world is his mother’s everyday world. she married up, moved to a nicer part of jersey, lived in a nice home, one with stairs. yeah, one level homes are nice, but stairs meant another level, it meant the house was bigger and the bigger the house the better your finances look to the outside world and therefore your status went up with it. + she tried to get silas to go stay with her, go to school in her district, but he politely declined, knowing that the roughhouse riders would have something to say about it if he did. + pride came with biker gangs. they were proud to wear their leather jackets with the fancy jackets on the back. it was the one thing they would splurge on. everyone pitched in. + when you’re family, you’re family, which meant that silas was allowed to join the biker gang young. obviously he couldn’t spend all of his time with them being a kid and having school and whatnot, but he would go with his dad every sunday. he looked forward to it every single week. + initiation took a toll on silas’ mental health and stability, made him question his morals and also left him with a black eye to match his jacket. if you look closely, there’s a scar below his right eyebrow from the ring of the fist that hit him. + stella, head of the roughhouse™, took an interest in silas. he was fulfilling all the duties that came with being the newest initiated member of the roughhouse™, sure, but he didn’t remember hearing about anyone else going to stella’s. especially not inside of stella’s. the two talked like he hadn’t with the others, hadn’t with... anyone. he considered her as more than just a leader, but maybe even his best friend, his family. + inside of stella’s is where silas met addison nudge ritter. at first, silas thought she was just “stella’s grand daughter,” but he was wrong. nudge became his best friend. his soft spot. they quickly begin sharing every single one of their days together. he takes her to his mother’s and they make fun of the fancy people in the area while going home to heating in the winter and home cooked meals at a fancy set dining room table. it took a long time for him to open up to nudge about that part of his life and he trusts her to keep it a secret from the rest of the gang. except for with momma stella because whether nudge knew or not, stella was bound to. she was omnipotent that way. + refusing help from his mother, silas fell into the same routine as his father, doing all of the same things that he did, but this time not in front of a little kid. he manipulated others, he satiated his needs by sleeping around but never spending the night, he took every opportunity to make money, illegal or not, and get this: it was always illegal. + the kinds of jobs people need to turn to the roughhouse for are not the kinds you can hire just anyone for. so the roughhouse slummed it with certain jobs and upped the keeps in others. they had a reputation in south jersey and it was as tough as the brooding look silas was taught to wear at a young age. + these jobs ranged from distributing drugs, transporting them, beating people up, leaving them unconscious in certain areas to frame people, and eventually when there were living, breathing people left half dead at silas’ hands, he ended up in blackthorne, which he found to be more of a new age government prison sentence than a university experience. + silas does as he’s told when he’s told to do it and next thing he knows he’s being rewarded kinda by going to gallagher. + the real reward is running into nudge again. they pick up right where they left off. only this time, there’s a boyfriend on her end and a secret on his. did he need the boyfriend’s approval to get in with nudge or did the boyfriend need silas’ approval to stay with her ? he hoped neither were true because while he wasn’t a good judge of character, a good judge of character probably wouldn’t keep silas around, especially not a spy that could look into silas’ past and find out all of the things he’s done, including what landed him in blackthorne. + what happened pre-blackthorne remains in a metaphorical vault, locked up to keep himself safe, others safe and because if he admits it happened, it’ll fuck him up for good. + silas is hanging on by a thread as is. he’s having sex and punching things just to feel things. now he has to pick a major and redefine his biggest life regret as a win, but as good of a liar as he might be to others, he’s not sure he can keep up the charade with himself but what would happen if it all fell apart and he came unraveling at the seams ? + at the very least, silas knows his alibi is rock solid. + he’d always enjoyed movies growing up, but seeing movies was a luxury that his father’s lifestyle didn’t offer them, so movies in theaters were few and far between until his mother married again and into a richer situation. + whenever he couldn’t hang out with nudge, he’d always say he was seeing a movie. to make up for it, he would take her to the movies with him at least once a month or every couple months, proof of his being a movie buff. + even when he was in a job rather than a movie theater, he would pick a movie, buy a ticket and read a synopsis to give nudge later. it felt worthwhile, having something solid to bring to court should he ever need it. plus, his jobs always paid enough to cover that ticket and then some. + in this fashion, silas began becoming a collector of sorts. a collector of movie knowledge and a collector of tickets. he kept every stub. every single one. because you never know how far down the line things will get brought back up. he needed proof of where he was and when. his tickets provided him that security. + so he took it a step further and kept every ticket. the ones that were not cover ups, too. the ones for concerts. the ones for carnivals. ok, to be fair it was pretty small for a “collection” and some of them were not bought by him, but maybe by females attempting to buy his attention with experience. + silas always found it a bit ironic that the word “admit” was on some types of tickets as if trying to heed a confession out of him. “admit one.” he’d consider the deed done, having admitted just one thing, if he were to ever come clean to nudge about what happened, or rather, to anyone.

#intro #gallagher:intro

8 notes · View notes

lettersandinkstains · 5 years

Note

hi, sorry if this is annoying but i think i might be transgender (mtf) and i’m freaking out because i don’t know anything about how to transition or the identity and i was wonder if you have any advice or anything??? thanks a million

Anon, hello! You’re not being annoying at all! I’m sorry this is so late!!

First things first, thank you for trusting me with this. And good for you for reaching out for answers! I’m not MtF, so my experiences are gonna be a little different but I’ll give you a run down of what I did, and list options for you and sorta just explain the identity. At the end, I’ll link the resources I can! Hopefully you’ll find this useful!

(Please be warned that this is going to be long ! Everything is itemized and broken down for hopefully an easy understanding and help!)

My Experience / What I Did

When I realized I was Definitely Not Cis, I was fairly into adulthood. She/Her pronouns made me want to die, but he/him felt like a puzzle piece that could fit, but not quite.

I started talking to a therapist about it, and still continue to this day with talking to my new therapist about it. Over the course of the early sessions, I ended up being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, where there’s distress / discomfort between my assigned gender and my gender identity.

From there, on my old blog, I made a post asking for people to use ‘Silas’ and ‘they/them’ for my pronouns. And it just fit perfectly. I elated that I was being referred to correctly -- the pronouns and the name didn’t make me cringe and want to die.

That’s what I did.

What Is Transgender?

Transgender is the term for someone who does not identity as the gender they were assigned with at birth. They can be a trans man, a trans woman, non binary, genderfluid, etc.

The Steps To Take

Talk to a professional who is trained with and is supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community. While it’s not required per se, I very much recommend it. Talking to a professional is incredibly useful for many reasons:

You can get your thoughts and feelings out to a non biased party.

They can help navigate and help you figure out the steps to take.

It’s good to talk to someone! This person can become part of your support network!

Find a supportive community! There’s a thriving trans community on Tumblr, and elsewhere on the internet!

These people are the ones you can go to and talk and ask questions about being trans and transitioning. People’s experiences vary and everyone has different insight!

They will also be a support network for when you need it!

And it doesn’t always need to be online, you can search up local groups where you live, there should be something nearby. If not, that’s okay! Internet friends are real friends too!

I really love r/transpositive and r/asktransgender! Everyone on those two subreddits are so nice and incredible. r/lgbt is also really cool!

I don’t know any community blogs here on Tumblr since I follow only writeblr’s but someone is likely to know something.

I’ve also got an LGBT+ based writeblr discord if you wish to join a welcoming & incredible community! There are also non writing LGBTQIA+ discords! I’m in one for gaming, and r/lgbt’s mod’s run a discord as well called Spectrum. Highly recommend.

Play around with names & pronouns -- and you can also play around with styles too! You’re discovering yourself and your identity. Do what you feel is comfortable.

You can ask a close group of friends you know would be supportive of you to refer to you with she/her pronouns (or whatever pronouns you prefer!), and a name you would like to be called by!

It’s okay if you pick a name now and want to change it later! Names are an important part of your identity and you need to feel comfortable with it!

Dress in clothes that’s considered to be for women. You don’t have to do super femme if you don’t want to! Like, there is no wrong way to dress and present yourself! There’s butch, there’s femme, there’s an in between, etc.

After all, we don’t force cis women to dress super femme and model like (and doubt their gender identity and presentation), so we shouldn’t expect trans women to adhere to those standards either.

However there is nothing wrong with wanting to do! If that sundress makes you feel like a model, and make up makes you feel wonderful, go for it!! And if dressing in jeans, boots, and a t-shirt makes you feel happy, do that!! Dress in a style that makes you feel happy about yourself!

If anyone complains, punch them. Or Snip Snip.

HRT / Transitioning - Hormone Replacement Therapy. This is the act of taking hormones to develop secondary sex characteristics -- trans men take testosterone (T) and trans women take estrogen. Doctors will also sometimes prescribe another hormone to go with it.

If you decide to transition, estrogen will cause a development of breasts, softer skin, fat distribution will be more feminine, and you’ll also develop curves. Essentially, you’ll be going through the typical female puberty.

You don’t have to take hormones if you do not want to or are not ready yet! This is not a be all, end all situation! Take your time and do research on it and the effects it will have!

If anyone tells you that you have to take HRT to be a ~real trans person~, punch them. They have no right telling you what you should do with your body.

This also leads me back to point one: the professional will be able to help you figure this out and help be a support during the process.

Starting Transition

Depending on where you are and your age is what will be available to you.

Some countries do not allow those under the age of eighteen to transition. Some do with explicit parental consent. Be sure to research this as well.

I don’t know if this has changed since I was a youngin, but you would have typically needed a diagnosis if gender dysphoria* in order to get the doctor’s okay and prescription to start HRT. There are exceptions to everything.

This also may depend on local laws too, so check those out!

Depending on what you’re prescribed, you may take birth control, you may have to take shots, etc.

Where you get your hormones also largely depends on where you are too. Here in the United States, universities offer them at their on site clinics (mine does, anyways!), and some Planned Parenthood’s also prescribe hormones too! I can’t speak for other countries, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for you.

HRT is also hella expensive in some places.

If you live in a country with universal health care, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem!

Coming Out -- Don’t come out unless you are ready & you are in a safe environment to do so!

This is basically LGBTQIA+ 101. If you are not safe to do so, do not do it. I know it sucks, but your safety is absolutely number one!

Everything is going to be okay. You are okay, there is nothing wrong with you.

There are certain groups of people who will tell you that your identity may be ~wrong~ or whatever arguments they can think of. Do your best to ignore them, and when you need to, vent to the people you trust.

Things To Check Out

YouTubers:uppercaseCHASE is a trans man who talks about trans issues and his own transition. He has an HRT 101 series that might be helpful! His expertise is FTM (Trans men) so there will be things that might not be as helpful. Educational videos, however!

arielle scarcella - while i do not like her very much and disagree with a lot of her beliefs, she’s a cis lesbian who has done videos in the past that’s educational about trans people -- and frequently has trans women on her channel where they talk about their experiences with HRT, as well as Gender Affirming Surgery if they’ve had it. (same goes for trans men!)

andrea chrysanthe is a trans woman who has documented her experience with transitioning and does life updates. She recently released a two part video that talks a lot about it. (warning: I haven’t watched all of her videos, and some look to be NSFW for at least talk of kink so be careful going in!)

melanie-ish is another trans woman youtuber! she talks about political issues as well as her own experience with transitioning and coming out. (warning: she hasn’t updated her channel in two years!)

PRINCESSJOULES is another trans woman who also documents her life as a trans woman! She also does make up tutorials, vlogging, and a lot of other things!

jammidodger is a trans man who talks about his experience with transitioning. he is by far one of my most favorite youtubers!

(if anyone else has any youtuber recommends, feel free to add on!)

trans resources -

leolines on etsy. they sell underwear for trans women -- a safer alternative to tucking. they also have binders! fairly inexpensive, and so many styles and designs!

the trevor project’s international center - the trevor project in general is absolutely amazing! they have a lot of resources on their website from phone numbers you can call if you’re feeling suicidal to groups and support groups! this link, if you are out of the united states and are looking for something, will give you a listing of international resources!

transgender law center - legal services and advocacy for trans folks!

trans women of color collective - an advocacy group for trans women of color! they do a lot to help trans women of color! check them out, they’re super cool!

trans youth equality federation - they provide support for family membes of trans youth, trans youth, and allies. as well as education!

gender spectrum - provides support for all trans youth, as well as education for families and educators!

I AM: trans people speak - a project that was made to raise awareness of about the diversity that exists within the transgender community.

glaad - resources - glaad is a well known organization for advocacy and education!

WHEW ANON that was a lot. Hopefully you made it through to the end, and hopefully it was helpful! I hope those links above help provide some use for you and figuring out what steps you want to take.

On that note, if anybody who has read this wants to add on, they are free to do so. The above is only advice, from one person whose experience is one of millions and still, different.

AND ANON, one more thing! If you wish to talk, you are so much welcome to DM me! They’re open for non mutuals :)!

Good luck on your journey, may it provide you happiness!

#letters #anon #trans stuff #trans advice #advice #support #i truly do hope this was helpful #and if anybody else would like to provide advice or support #or even words of encouragement for anon #they're free to do so #Anonymous

12 notes · View notes

you-breatheintome-again · 5 years

Text

Mari’s Journal - Nightmare

Mariana woke suddenly, a cold sweat layered on her skin. If her neighbor’s banging on her wall were any indication she had probably screamed. His voice echoed into her room, telling her to shut up as he cared more about his trouble sleeping then her own. Tugging herself out of bed her legs shook as she made her way to the bathroom. She should be used to these by now. She’d been having them for years. Her fractured memory trying to work itself out, trying to give her pieces of life that she was missing.

What happened to their family in the woods was still a mystery. When she and her brother, Silas, had been found they were in bad shape, Mari herself wounded. The Vargas’s had said that when the pair had stumbled upon their camp, the kids were scared, Mari in front of her brother brandishing a knife she was too weak to really use. After getting them to the hospital, Mari had been in and out and they really only had Silas’s point of view to go on. He’d said that the siblings had gone on a hike together, out to a waterfall and back. Mari knew the forest well, so their parents had let her take her brother out there alone. When they made it back to camp something was wrong. Things were strewn about and a large shape seemed to be in one of the tents. Silas hadn’t seen it, not up close, Mari had told him to crouch down and hide among a set of logs nearby but he was sure it was a bear. He said that his sister went to go investigate alone and a few minutes later he heard her screams. By the time she ran out of camp screaming for him to run he’d convinced himself that some monstrous bear had attacked their camp and never looked back.

When Mari woke she wasn’t much help. She remembered bits and pieces of their trip but the doctors didn’t want her to push more. The Park Rangers said the wounds were inconclusive and despite blood at the camp they couldn’t say what had happened to their parents. A search party had continued to look but everyone was convinced they were dead. Their uncle had even come to town, long enough to play the picture of the children’s savior, come to take them home but when the estate was finalized and their life insurance came in he was long gone. Mari couldn’t say she was surprised. Despite the perfect little family they seemed to be, that Silas thought they were she was old enough to have seen the darker side of her father and his side of the family. They weren’t the saints her brother made them out to be and while he was convinced that their parents were alive, somewhere out there trying to make their way back, something in Mari knew that even if her parents were alive, she doubted they’d come back to town, not even for their kids.

The Vargas family was kind enough to step in, building the kids a home. They tried to help the siblings deal with that night. Both children went into therapy but it didn’t stick for either. As much as Mari wanted to remember, to know what truly happened the sessions only made her nightmares more vivid. Eventually they stopped making her go and Mari stopped trying, tired of sleepless nights. For a while the nightmares stopped or atleast were less prevalent. She tried to move forward with her life. Remembering wouldn’t bring them back and she doubted even the truth could make her brother come home.

That was until the other week. A trip to the camping store had flipped a switch in her mind. Her eyes had landed on a knife in a display cabinet and something about the serrated edge, something about its glint was so familiar to her. The memory hit her like a flash, the darkened camp, her falling as someone grabbed at her, then that knife and the hand that wielded it followed by searing pain. It was overwhelming, she’d stumbled into the store’s bathroom and found herself heaving into the toilet. When she’d composed herself, she’d brushed it off as something she ate to those watching her concerned but ever since, those nightmares had returned, new images starting to form and now she was questioning everything about that camping trip. Gripping her sink she grabbed the meds tucked away in the cabinet, meant to help her anxiety and downed a dose, praying it slowed her speeding heart. Sinking back against the cool bathroom floor she sighed. She wasn’t going to be able to push this down this time. It was time she figured it all out. But she was going to need help.

#spmv #Mariana #Nightmare #tw violence

2 notes · View notes

nowis-scales · 3 years

Text

Rating: Mature Audiences

General Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide

Fandoms: Fire Emblem IF/Fire Emblem Fates

Relationships: Romantic relationships to be added as the story progresses — guarantee of M/M, M/F, and F/F — story is gen first and foremost

Additional Tags: Revelation Route, Childhood Abandonment, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder — PTSD, Family Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Therapy, Post-Canon, World Building, Character Death, No Deeprealms

Chapter Word Count: 7543 words

Summary: High Prince Ryoma of Hoshido, now dubbed his majesty, was always believed to be the perfect leader and big brother. But when a long-standing lie is exposed following the Silent War, the perfect shell reveals a self-destructive interior. Now, broken and vulnerable, Ryoma finds himself having to learn to be more than a blade forged in war’s fires. Between political clashes, family conflict, and scars left by a lifetime of pain, there are more than just a few things that need taking care of in the wake of the war… and it’s hard for the king to accept that he just might be one of them.

Chapter Summary: Who is Corrin’s father, really?

Read it on AO3

Chapter 2: Ties That Bind

“I will take your pathetic life! Then I will make your body my own. You’re one of my bloodline. You will serve as a vessel for me!”

For something said so long ago, the words keep Corrin awake far longer than they should. Reasonably, she knows she should be trying to fall asleep, but the words refuse to stop turning in her head. They twist and morph into images of her past, becoming things far too ugly for her to want to describe aloud. Shadows that burn into her brain and whisper lies in her ears. Lies that may be truths, she thinks bitterly to herself. After tonight, she knows for certain that she should consider the honesty of others when they speak and act. Choosing not to believe in people is not who she is, but the scars of her misplaced judgement sting more and more every time she’s burned. Tonight, they are at their worst. Not letting it get to her, even if it’s just a little, is next to impossible. Would anybody truly blame her if she faltered?

She groans, rolling from her back to her left side. It’s inconsiderate to make such noise when she has not one but two roommates, yet she cannot bring herself to care. In all likelihood, they’re not getting the best sleep themselves. Even with the comfort of their plush futons, she’s not sure that either of them feels any semblance of calm. Lilith is on her left, face turned away from her. Silas is on her right, clearly pretending to sleep. The moonlight is streaming in through a window and beaming down on his face, and she can see his eyes fluttering a bit as they try to shut it out. She wonders if he can hear her groaning, or if he’s ignoring her and actually is beginning to drift off. If that truly is the case, she is envious of him. Even if she were to fall asleep right now, she would dream of her anxieties. Of Sumeragi, of Ryoma, or Anankos. Of all things she both is and isn’t at the same time. Her heartbeat rests in her throat, and she feels the urge to scream.

She grabs her pillow, pressing it to her head. It won’t crush her thoughts, but there is little else she can think to do with the tears gathering in her eyes. Anankos’s words echo in her ears and shake her like a rattle in a toddler’s hand. If she thinks she can settle for even a second, the implications of his words come bubbling up again before they can be stopped. One of my bloodline, he taunts. You are one of my bloodline. You are a vessel for me.

Sumeragi was never her father. Ryoma, Hinoka, Takumi, and Sakura are not her siblings. The blood that pumps through her veins… could it really be that of the Silent Dragon? Is it diluted by the humanity of those he once trusted most, or could he have been… could he be the missing piece to her past? Is that why Ryoma kept it a secret from her? Bile rises in her throat at the thought of being related to that… that thing. Squeezing her eyes shut, she forces it back down. In spite of her terror, she does not want to scare her roommates by spontaneously vomiting. After the night they’ve had, she is certain that they do not need anymore upsets. The reveal would be enough, she thinks.

“Si,” she says without thinking, “Are you awake over there?”

Silence. Then he rolls from his back to his side, his smoke-grey eyes peeling themselves open to meet her face. The exhaustion is evident from the slight circling underneath, but if he’s been trying for this long, he clearly doesn’t have it in him. There is apart of her that is comforted by the fact that he is struggling to rest as much as she, but another feels a deep pit of guilt melting into the depths of her belly. “Yeah,” he mutters, reaching up to rub one of his eyes, “Yeah, I’m awake. Did you need something?”

Company, she wants to answer. It seems apparent, but she doesn’t want to make assumptions. Honestly, she could be bleeding out from a gaping hole in her side, but if talking about her feelings would bother Silas… she would probably just let herself bleed to death rather than disturb him. He’s been through enough today. “I… didn’t wake you, did I?”

Silas yawns and shakes his head, the friction of his hair against the pillow making a bit of a funny sound. “Naw, I’m all good. What’s eating you?”

A brief pause hangs in the air before Corrin brings herself to speak. Her voice is as hushed as she can make it while still being audible; the last thing she wants to do is wake poor Lilith. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened tonight,” she sighs, “Believe me, Silas, I’ve tried.”

She can see Silas’s brows knit together even in the darkness, his lips curving into a frown. The moonlight doesn’t light up a great deal in the room, but there is an unmistakable glint of pity in his gaze. As embarrassing as it is to admit, she craves that more than anything. She is the primary victim in all of this, and somehow, it seems like everyone else has spun it to how it affects them. That is not to say that she necessarily blames Azura and the others for being upset, but… she couldn’t help but feel a bit dismissed when they finally managed to get away from Ryoma and his half-baked excuses.

“I understand. I’m not sure I could just forget about something like that if I was in your shoes. What happened between you and your siblings tonight had to sting pretty bad.”

Allowing herself a particularly wet sniffle, she nods. The tears are building up again, welling up and threatening to crash over her. It is a struggle to keep her voice from breaking as she tries to talk.

“It’s not just tonight. I mean, tonight is the catalyst, but it’s so much more than that. I’m just… I’m so tired. I’ve been tossed back and forth between countries and between families, fought for and fought against in equal measure. I’ve been told who I should be loyal to and who I should fight for and who I should love, and every time it feels like I’ve got it… Something changes again, and I realize that I have no clue what is going on in my own life. It’s like I don’t know who I am, and nobody else wants to give me a real answer when I ask them to tell me.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out is a gush of pathetic, sympathetic air. She does not care. She just keeps talking, having opened a floodgate that she cannot close until all the water is gone.

“Everyone says that they love me and that they want to help me, but their actions never show it. It just… it feels so awful. Believing in others in spite of everything, it’s what makes me me! I would never want to change that, I just… I…” The words cut into her throat like a meat bone, heat pricking at her face in a mixture of misery and humiliation. She can only imagine how she must look to him right now, weeping like a little girl. Continuing to meet his face is its own war.

“It’s okay, Corrin.” He mutters, his hand sneaking out from underneath the covers. It doesn’t reach all the way, but she can see him try to decide whether or not he wants to touch her face. Just the idea of his comfort makes her want to weep harder; thank the gods she at least has someone who cares about her enough to attempt to console her. “I know how much this must hurt you.”

She nods, inhaling deeply. The tears continue to gather and dribble slowly down her cheeks, soaking the fabric of her pillow. She knows there really is no point in trying to stop them, even if she wants to. No matter how much she rubs away her tears, new ones will simply come to replace them. The only thing she can hope for as she breaks apart is that Silas won’t mind. “It feels so awful, Silas…”

“It would. It really would. It sucks that you’ve been put in this position.”

“No matter how hard I try to believe in everyone, it just seems like everyone is going to burn me in the end. Ryoma is the third example of someone doing this to me. I know I said I would never stop believing in the goodness of everyone. I don’t intend to falter in that, but I just… I feel like I’m losing faith. Everyone needs me to be this strong leader for them and point them towards my ideals, but how am I supposed to get there if everything I do just ends up like this? If I’m stupid enough to fall for every deception put in front of me?”

“Hey. Don’t talk like that,” Silas’s voice is surprisingly firm, “What happened with Lord Ryoma was not your fault. The blame rests only on him, you know that.”

Any other time, Corrin might find it easy to agree with him. Though she might fall and get scraped up, she always found her way back to her feet. That unfailing quality was what carried her to her current point, but today, all she can do is let her gaze float away from his face – like it will somehow allow her to drift somewhere far from here. It is useless to try, she knows. As much as she would like to be home in Valla, rebuilding the newly renamed Castle Loulan, there is only her childhood bedroom as far as the eye can see. As a very young child, she’s certain she would have longed to be back in this room, drinking in its distinctly Hoshidan architecture with the utmost interest. Now, as an adult, it only serves to remind her that she does not belong here. She has never belonged here. It is difficult to understand how it could only be Ryoma’s fault that her heart is in pieces when she never belonged in the first place. Perhaps he did her a favour in at least trying to delude her into thinking that there was ever really somewhere she could belong after what happened to Valla. Maybe she could see it as Ryoma doing for her what Sumeragi did for her mother. If only things could have been so loving and quaint between them.

She can tell that Silas is frowning even more deeply without having to look at him. The only thing worse than seeing his best friend hurt would be seeing her hurting and not being able to do anything about it. At least, that’s what she thinks he’s thinking. “You’re not an idiot for being kind or for believing in people. I can safely say that it has never once made me not want to stand behind you. If you honestly think that that’s something that would make people not like or believe in you, you’re crazy.”

She lets out something half-way between a sob and laugh. “Ever considered that maybe you’re the crazy one?”

“Not for a second.”

Psh. Typical Silas. Even when she’s spilling her guts into his lap, he insists on trying to make her smile. Deep in her heart, Corrin is certain that she’s got one in there somewhere for him. It’s just that right now, all that creeps across her skin is that sting of betrayal. No, not just that – the sting of who she might truly be has kept her up far later than she ever wanted.

“I think you might be giving me too much credit. I mean, think about it. If everything Ryoma told us tonight is true, then how much do you know about me?”

To this, Silas has the audacity to scoff. “Uh… lots, Corrin. I’ve known you since we were little, remember? And I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve never forgotten a thing. Your favourite food is tangy coleslaw, you’re ridiculously ticklish, you are naturally talented at both the piano and embroidery, you can’t maintain a ladylike position for more than half an hour, you sleep so hard that sometimes Flora and Felicia think you’re dead, you sing in the bathtub, you have a mole on your back next to your left shoulder blade…” he flashes her a lopsided grin, holding up his fingers to show off all the knowledge he has shared, “Need I go on?”

Her teeth graze her lips absent-mindedly. “That’s not really what I meant.”

The grin on his face fades slightly. “Then what did you mean?”

“We don’t know who my father is.”

Silas blinks once. Twice. His mouth opens, and then closes just as fast. His grin dies even faster. “I wasn’t under the impression that it mattered much… I mean, no matter what, you’ll always be important to me and loads of other people. Who your father was doesn’t change anything about you.”

“Doesn’t it, though? I mean, you were there. Don’t you remember what he said to me?”

“What Lord Ryoma said?” He asks almost painfully stupidly.

“No. During the war, when we fought Anankos… don’t you remember what he said to me? He said that he would make me his vessel. He wanted to take my life, and said that I was the perfect puppet because I was one of his bloodline. He told me that we share blood, Silas.”

“Corrin, you don’t know that that’s what he meant-”

Rage bubbles up in her before she can stop it.

“What else could he have possibly meant?!” Heart squeezing as she watches her friend recoil, Corrin continues, “If he were like the others, he would have wanted Azura, too, but he didn’t. He wanted me, Silas. He wanted me because I’m his… because he’s my…”

“You don’t know that,” he pauses for a second, taking one long last look at her face before finally reaching out to press his hand against her cheek, “And even if somewhere in your heart, you do, you know that nobody is more their father or mother than they are themself. You are not Anankos and he is not you. The sperm someone gave does not determine what kind of person you will be. I mean, if that were true, what would that say about your siblings in Nohr? Do you think they’ll become bad people too, just because their father knelt to Anankos?”

“It’s different for them.”

“How?” he asks, a concoction of desperation and frustration tinging his voice.

“Anankos was bad because he was a dragon. He was a dragon who lost his mind and fell victim to his draconic urges, and he needed others to soothe him until they died. The only other choice they had was to let him become what he did, and let him do what he did to Valla.”

“He’s gone, though. Even if he were your father, nothing he could do can hurt you anymore.”

“I’m still here. The problem is that I am still here, even if he isn’t.” She swallows thickly, her bottom lip quivering like an impending earthquake. “I’m still here, and we don’t know what’s going to happen with me. We don’t know if I have any of these urges. We don’t know if I’ll become just like him one day. We don’t know if I have to die just to make sure that everyone else stays safe. The fact is that there are so many variables, and nobody has the answers to any of them because as far as we know, I am the only one like this. What’s worse is that because Ryoma lied about it, if something happens, we have less time. If I need to die, Silas, we have so much less time.”

“We don’t know that he’s your father,” he reaffirms almost angrily, likely triggered by the mere mention of her having to be put to death, “We don’t know that any of what you said is true. You could be perfectly fine. I mean, look at Lilith!”

“There’s no guarantee that I’m anything like Lilith. We’re not even related… It’s not as if we even really know anything about her anyway. She hasn’t exactly been open with us. Until we know something, we can’t assume anything.”

“We’ll just have to do our research then. Whether you’re Anankos’s daughter or not, you’re still my best friend. You know I’ll do anything to help you.”

“Silas…” His name leaves her lips in a whisper, shutting her eyes as she feels his thumb gently brush across her cheek.

“No matter what happens, I am not letting you go down that easy. I didn’t let it happen when we were fighting Anankos, and I won’t do it now.”

Apart of her wants to thank him, or at least try to say something of value, but her stock of words seems to have run dry. Everyone always tells her that she is the endless fountain of love and support for others, yet they never see how they themselves are the pillars that holds her up so high. Friends like Silas are the biggest example of that. If she is a child of Anankos, she only hopes that they should be so kind as to kill her when the time comes. The last thing she would want for her friends is to end up anything like Azura’s father. They deserve more peace than that, should the end come.

It’s difficult to know what to do next as he watches her with that same crease in his brow that has been taunting her for the last twenty minutes; she doesn’t have anything else to say. Or maybe there’s nothing else that she wants to say. Maybe she doesn’t even want to talk anymore at all. Maybe it’s just this topic. Even with her heart on her sleeve, her head is spinning. Not that that’s surprising, of course. It hasn’t stopped doing that all night. In the end, she can’t come up with anything other than: “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

Thank you, she thinks, but it catches in her windpipe. The only thing that manages to break through is a sob, and before she knows it, she has burst into tears. Quiet ones, of course, but tears nevertheless. Silas’s gaze turns pitying as he wriggles out of his futon and into hers, just like when they were kids.

“It’s okay, Corrin,” he repeats as he helps himself into her bed, pulling her body close to his as if it’s the most natural thing on earth, “I know everything is scary and confusing right now, but we’re going to be alright.”

You don’t know that, she wants to complain, but there seems no point. They’ve been having this discussion for the past ten minutes, and no matter what she says or how she catastrophizes, Silas will always find some way to look on the bright side of things. Leave it to him to whittle away at someone’s self-doubts by being overly kind. He was always good at condoling.

“There is nothing we haven’t been able to handle in the past. I mean, we fought a maddened deity, for the gods’ sakes! That’s not something that just anyone can do. You’re not just anyone, Corrin.”

He’s being so kind, and yet she finds herself only half-listening to what is being said. The other half of her is weeping, sniveling, pulling herself closer to him just to take in the scent and sensation of something comforting. It makes her feel like a toddler crawling desperately towards its mother, crying out for succor after something inconsequential. What’s the point in breaking down now? The damage is done. The thoughts are in her head and her brother is no longer in her heart and her father is in her blood, and gods above, she cannot get him out! She resents the fact that she’s begun to weep like this when there is no use in crying. Silas is right. He’s right that there’s no proof of this, yet the thought refuses to stray from her head for even a second. She can feel him trying so hard. How can she tell him that it might not be enough?

“Whatever happens, we’re going to get through it. We always do. You have so many people who love and value you, Corrin. It’s okay if you need to cry now, but I promise you, everyone around you is going to help you figure this out. Lord Ryoma’s lie is not going to be the end of your happiness. Who your father turns out to be will have nothing to do with who you are.”

She can think of nothing else to do but push her face in his shoulder, letting his shirt soak up her tears. Words will not serve her right now. Nothing will serve her right now but comfort she’s not sure she is owed.

“Corrin, I am always going to be here for you. You know that, right?”

Without thinking, she nods. She nods and squeezes her eyes shut tighter. The words are so compassionate and so meaningful. Laying there with him, breathing in his familiar scent, feeling the warmth of his words and the stroking of his hand along her back as she cries… they should be enough. All of Silas’s kindnesses should be enough to help her mind drift away, to quiet the harsh thoughts that plague her and demand that she answers the question in the back of her mind. Sure, it is relieving to be with him. But relieving is not always profound solace.

She needs to know for herself. She needs to know who her father is. She needs to know what she could become.

Come morning, Corrin will do everything she can to get the answers she needs. For now, she can only grip Silas tighter, and listen to his words as she prays for the sound of his voice to coax her into much-needed sleep.

______________________________________________________________

Dawn breaks quietly in Castle Shirasagi that day, and Corrin finds her mood has changed little overnight. Silas’s presence is continually reassuring, but the unknown continues to force pangs of anxiety through her chest. Her appetite for the day is soiled and her energy sapped. All she wants to do is lay in bed, yet she knows that this is not an option. At the very least, she knows the others will not be doing much to pressure her. If Azura and the others ask her to join them at breakfast, it will be easy to decline without them pushing. It’s better that way, she thinks. She’s not sure she can handle all of the questions they will ask about how she’s doing. The issue is just… more complex than they have come to realize, and it’s better for everyone that she just eats in her room.

In the end, come breakfast time, she tells them just that. “I really appreciate the offer, Azura. You always do such a good job looking out for me, and you have my thanks for that. Right now, though, if you don’t mind, I think I just need to eat in my room for now. Don’t worry too much – I have Lilith to keep me company.”

Azura seems to accept the answer, offering a soft nod and a squeeze of her shoulder. Poor Azura. Corrin can see the wish in her arms for a hug, but she can’t seem to bring herself to do it. Even after a year of war together, it’s difficult for her to express her affections. Although it’s probably worth noting that even those she knew for over a year never had much luck either. “If you’re certain. I’ll let the others know that you’ll be staying in. I’m sure we can count on Jakob to let the servants know.”

A slight smile stretches across her lips. “Oh, we definitely can.”

Her bedroom is quiet after Azura departs, leaving only her and Lilith to wait for the food. They don’t talk much, but when they do, it’s all small talk. Lilith asks about how she slept and vice versa, they discuss their plans for the day, and then the food comes. Fast and hot, like Jakob did his best to rush it right over. Just smelling it in front of her, she wishes she were hungry. It would be mouthwatering if she were, but even now, she’s fairly certain she can choke it down for pleasure alone. She digs in eagerly, taking more than a few mouthfuls until she notices Lilith fumbling with her chopsticks.

“Do you need help, Lilith?” She asks softly, hoping she’s not embarrassing the stablehand, “I could see about getting you a fork instead?”

Lilith jumps as if she’s been caught in the act, her hazel eyes staring back at her liege almost thoughtlessly. “Oh! You noticed me messing around, huh?” she chuckles awkwardly, “Sorry. I’m just getting used to having hands again. I’ll be fine with these, I’m sure…”

Corrin covers her mouth in a feeble attempt to hide her grin. “I know they’re pretty tough. When I first arrived in Hoshido, Mother spent a great deal of time trying to show me how to do a proper hold. I’m still pretty pitiful at it, though. It’s the kind of thing that comes with practice.”

“Indeed.” Lilith mumbles, directing her attention back down to the stubborn clump of rice evading her. Corrin tries not to watch as she makes her second attempt, thinking she will only screw her up. She changes her attention to the window instead, watching the summer winds sway the shrubs and trees outside. A sigh brews within her chest. Does the world know it’s not supposed to look so happy whilst she is so shaken? Her gaze lingers on the shades of greens and pinks just beyond Lilith’s face, wondering what any of this will mean in a few hours. Once upon a time, Valla must have had such things. Could she as their queen rejuvenate them? Or would she only destroy them further, tearing apart the few ruins that remain? Her grip tightens around her chopsticks at the thought. She cannot allow that to happen.

“Lady Corrin?”

The sound of Lilith’s voice shakes her from her thoughts, drawing her back to the concerned maiden across from her. A frown carves itself into Lilith’s expression, and based on the absence of rice lumps on the table, it isn’t because of her food.

“Yes?” She murmurs, licking her lips. Though she and Lilith were chatting easily before, just looking at her now suddenly like a straining effort. Large hazel eyes stare back at her, blinking innocently. So harmless, and yet her chest tightens.

“Is something bothering you?”

“I…” The dragon queen steals one last look at her bowl, wondering if she can keep this interaction casual in the way it so clearly is not, “I suppose there is.”

Lilith tilts her head, her voice softening. “Is it the situation with Lord Ryoma?”

“... Sort of,” her shoulders rise and fall lazily, “It seems to be a bit more complicated than that the more I reflect on it.”

“I see…” Lilith mutters, a crease beginning to form between her brows. Her left-hand finds the tail of her braid, her fingertips dancing over it thoughtlessly. Uh-oh, her companion thinks. That’s a nervous tick if she’s ever seen one. “Lady Corrin, would you forgive me if I had accidentally, kind of, sort of… eavesdropped on you a little bit last night?”

Lilith winces immediately as the words leave her mouth, cringing like she’s afraid Corrin will strike her. A sympathetic ache squeezes her heart. Lilith was never treated unfairly back at the Northern Fortress, but she’s reacted this way to anger for as long as any of them can remember. Someone must have struck her before, she thinks sadly. She hopes that fiend should never come to meet her, for hurting someone so gentle.

“... I would.” She pauses, controlling her tone. It’s already hard to manage her own emotions, but the last thing she wants to do is scare Lilith anymore over something so inessential. Really, the only deciding factor of her not hearing awas that she and Silas thought her to be asleep. “How much did you hear?”

“Um… most of it… I’m really sorry, milady, I hadn’t meant to-”

She raises her hand, sending the stablemaid into immediate silence. “Don’t worry about it, Lilith. I would have told you myself, but I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Visible relief washes over her companion in an instant, her hand plastering itself to her chest. “Oh. Oh, I’m glad to hear that. And I’m glad to hear that you hold me in such high esteem milady, to trust me with that.”

“I’m grateful to give you some peace of mind.” Corrin sighs, poking at her meal. It feels strange that her friend is more invested in her forgiveness for overhearing, rather than what it was that she’d overheard. Not so much so that she might say that the behaviour is suspicious, but something about it is distinct in its wrongness. This does nothing to help the strange sensation in her chest. “I only hope that I will be able to get the same.”

“How are you hoping to do that?”

“Well, as you know, when I spoke to Silas last night, we talked about the possibility of my father being… well, the silent one, let’s say.”

Lilith nods. “Right.”

“The thing is, I have no way of knowing whether or not that’s true. As far as I know, the only people who knew my father’s identity were Mother, and King Sumeragi. Only those two knew my father’s identity, and they are both gone. All of yesterday I was at a loss trying to figure out what to do about my hunch on my own, because all I could think about was the fact that I would never know.”

She nods again, her brows squeezing themselves tighter. Something about her expression seems… unreadable. Corrin’s not sure what she’s reacting to, to tell the truth. Just the admission of a plan wouldn’t usually stir this kind of a frown in someone, but perhaps she’s reading into this too much.

“Until I realized that while Mother and King Sumeragi may be dead, there is one living person who could know who my father was.”

Colour drains from the stablemaid’s face rapidly. If she wasn’t frowning before, then she certainly is now. “W-Who, milady?”

“If King Sumeragi knew that he wasn’t my father, and he told Ryoma…” Her voice trails off almost like she’s intending for dramatics. “Then Ryoma would know who my father really was.”

Lilith’s eyebrows raise in shock, her mouth opening briefly, only to shut just as fast when she realizes she has nothing to say yet. Even without words, her expression speaks for her: eyes the size of saucer plates, teeth that cannibalize her soft lips, and a breath that hitches when she even thinks of getting the words out.

“I know what you’re thinking, Lilith, and I know it isn’t my best plan. I mean, Ryoma spent the past year lying to me about my family and my life, but he’s still… I don’t know if I trust him, per se, but I think I might be able to get him to tell me the truth. If I could just talk to him, alone, then I can get the information I need and put my worries to rest.”

Lilith still doesn’t seem capable of responding, only staring. The look on her face is beginning to chill Corrin a bit. Anyone could tell that it is not her most foolproof plan, but it certainly didn’t warrant a face like that.

“Does that make sense?” She asks slowly, suddenly concerned about whether or not her friend is actually understanding what she’s saying.

Thankfully, she seems to. The stablemaid’s nod comes with only a twinge of uncertainty, her teeth starting to bear down on her lip more harshly. With any more pressure, she is certain that they’ll start to bleed. In all honesty, this hesitancy is about the reaction she expected from someone like Lilith, albeit less intense than this. It’s actually why she proposed it to her. Jakob, Silas, and Azura would give gentle advice; and Hinoka, Felicia, and Takumi would tell it to her straight. Sakura and Lilith, though? They would both just bite their lips and shrug their shoulders, maybe waiting a few seconds before dismissing what they thought was a not-so-great idea. But at least they would entertain it just to humour her. At least, she hopes that that’s what is being done here.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea, do you?”

Lilith shrugs. Ah, two points! That’s exactly what she predicted! Too bad she doesn’t have the energy to be happy about it. Not that this is the kind of thing one should be pleased with, anyway. It’s too strange to delight in. When did the world get to be this way?

“Lili,” she says softly, pushing a soft smile onto her face to entice her companion forward, “If you have something to say, it’s okay to tell me. There’s a reason I asked you and not anyone else.”

This declaration seems to upset more, much to her surprise. Her companion’s hands have begun to clutch her chopsticks so hard that she’s a little afraid that they’ll snap, yet she seems unable to tear herself away from her liege’s face. Subtle tremors wrack her body, the frown etching itself into her expression, and yet the rest of her body sits completely rigid. She’s like a doll possessed by a spirit, longing to free itself from its prison.

Corrin has no idea what to do about that.

How is this getting to be so much so fast? It doesn’t seem like it should be that much of a problem, but the aura of almost fear coming off of Lilith isn’t a good sign. The longer she lingers on her, the stronger her heartbeat gets. The only thing she can think to do in a moment like this is lean across the table in hopes of seeing her better. After all, it would be a bit foolish to assume that what she said could be the only thing plaguing her. Perhaps her behaviour is unrelated. It could be unrelated, right? “Is something wrong? Is your…” she looks down at the bowl, “Is your meal okay?”

There is most certainly a registration of being spoken to, but a brief pause hangs in the air before she finally replies. “My… meal…?”

“Yeah,” she parrots, “Your breakfast. It doesn’t taste funny?”

Her head shakes. “No…”

“Are you okay?”

“… Yes.”

“You’re shaking awfully badly.” Corrin reaches over to place a hand on her arm, nearly dragging her sleeve through a bowl of soup by accident. She almost doesn’t notice, too absorbed in her concern for Lilith. “Are you sure that everything tastes alright? You’re shaking.”

The stablehand blinks once. Twice. Her gaze moves from Corrin’s face to her arm and then back to her face. The answer is reluctant. “Oh… I am, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, little bit. I just… maybe we should take you to a healer to get you looked at. You’re looking pretty pale, too.”

A few seconds of silence hang between them before finally she replies: “No”. Corrin expects more to follow, but she falls back into silence for what must have been at least a minute. Then, ever so slightly over the course of that minute, the light seems to return to her. For that, she is thankful. Divulging that plan was already scary enough, but the reaction started to become something wholly unexpected. Anything further, and she’s not sure what she would have done. “I’m … fine, milady. I was just… thinking.”

Corrin quirks a brow. “Most people don’t think like that.”

“My lady, it is not a concern. Leave it be.” She half-snaps, showing no concern for her tone. Corrin almost flinches.

Well, that is… out of character. If this is what she thinks will convince me of her being alright, then I think she needs to rethink her strategy. “I’m… sorry?”

“I… my apologies.” The scowl from only a moment ago dies quickly, replaced by cheeks hot with shame. Lilith’s gaze averts. “I don’t know what came over me, I merely… I don’t want you fussing over me, that’s all. Your life is already hard enough as it is, with what you have to consider and all…”

“Right.” Corrin hums, finding herself regretting not breaching the subject with someone else instead. Lilith’s calm rivalled even that of Ryoma’s, and yet her reaction seemed so abnormal. As always, she wants to believe it to be nothing, but… the doubting voice that had been taunting her last night seems to want to tease her once more. She does her best to shove it away. “Did what you thought of distress you?”

“… Yes, it did. I worried for your safety.”

“Safety? What makes you worry for my safety?”

Lilith swallows, placing her chopsticks on the table with a pronounced clack. She winces at the sound. “My lady, I understand that it is your nature to believe in people, in their goodness and their virtues. I would never want to turn you away from doing that, because it’s one of the things I greatly admire about you. In spite of that, I… I find myself wondering if this is a good idea. I mean, after last night, what reason would you have to trust Lord Ryoma?”

“Lilith, it’s Ryoma. He may be more selfish and stubborn than anticipated, but he’s not entirely heartless. There’s good inside of him, you and I have both seen it. Isn’t it worth trying to appeal to him?”

“I completely understand your thought process, Lady Corrin… I just…” Her hands curl into fists as she searches desperately for the appropriate words. “I can’t… well, it’s hard to say…”

“I’ve told you before, you can trust me with anything. I promise I won’t get angry.”

“It’s not that I fear your anger.”

“Then what are you afraid of?”

“It’s… complicated.”

“Surely it can’t be.” She smiles again in hopes of reinvigorating her spirit.

“Well, it is.”

Ouch. That was curt. Again. What’s your deal?! I thought we were friends! “Alright, well… maybe I can help you figure out what you’re trying to say.”

“I have my doubts, but there’s no harm in trying.”

A sigh threatens to depart from her mouth, but she pushes it away. It would probably be unwise to show her exasperation at a time like this, when things between her and Lilith suddenly seem so raw. “Are you worried that Ryoma will try to hurt me?”

“I guess.” She shrugs. “His temper is surprisingly hot for someone who presents himself as so calm.”

Corrin dips her head in agreement. She’s doing her best to be casual about this scenario, but the reactions she’s getting make her feel like she needs to be watchful at all times. “I could understand how you would worry about that. I don’t think he’d lay his hands on me, though. I just have a feeling, you know?”

She nods. “I think that may be our problem. Your feelings.”

Corrin raises a brow. “My feelings are a problem?”

Lilith nods again. “Your feelings are easy to manipulate, and Ryoma has proven that he understands this and has used it against you. There is no guarantee that he will not try to use it again. He could say anything he wants to say, and you would not be the wiser.”

“Even if I tried to appeal to him?”

“I’m not sure you could, that’s what I’m concerned about. The other night the whole situation was screaming, and from what I heard, the bulk of his portion was excuses. Something about your Father, I think?”

“His father,” Corrin corrects more sharply than she intended, taking note of the other’s lack of reaction. Interesting, she thinks. Usually that would perturb her. “He promised his father he would keep my parentage a secret from me.”

It’s unnerving. The more reasons she gives, the calmer Lilith seems to become. She doesn’t like it, but she doesn’t know why, either. Something about the transition makes her skin crawl. The words given are almost painfully controlled. Anyone could tell that the anxiety hasn��t left her yet, but if she’s so worried, why is it getting easier for her to say? Especially considering that these are showing her how weak the plan is? She’s clearly trying to make her words seem genuine, but her lashing out is interfering. What does she know that Corrin doesn’t?

“That’s another problem. The promise to his father.”

The promise to his father. The realization of what she’s saying hits Corrin like an anvil. Ryoma is honourless in many ways, but King Sumeragi was said to always have his loyalty. Some children grew up worshipping fictional characters as their childhood heroes. Ryoma, on the other hand, grew up idolizing his father above all else. Any promises made to Sumeragi would be sacred to him, and would be horribly difficult to convince him to break. She wants to kick herself for being so stupid. How could she have not seen that?

“The identity of my father is a part of the promise,” Corrin breathes, shutting her eyes. She doesn’t have to look at Lilith to know that she is agreeing behind them. Tears prick at the dragon queen’s eyes. It feels stupid to cry about it, but this plan is the only thing she has. Without it, she’s set adrift on the sea. Truth will elude her, and peace forever will too. Gods, only a moment ago she wished Lilith would talk, and now she wants her to stop. “So you wager he won’t break it?”

“Yes. I don’t know Lord Ryoma all that well, but from what others have told me, he is loyal to his father’s legacy above almost all else. It’s a defining trait of his.”

“So I can’t get any answers.” Corrin murmurs. Further agreement from Lilith follows shortly after, as does a string of curses from herself. Loud curses. Ones that don’t make the typically innocent stablehand flinch. This past day has felt as if she awoke in the wrong kingdom, and this entire conversation has only made things worse. Gods, she is such a fool! Her fingers move to massage her temples half-heartedly. “Thank you for your honesty, Lilith. I… have a lot to think about. If you don’t mind, I think I’m done here. I need to take a walk and think some things over.”

The other girl blinks almost innocently, irritating her even further. “Oh… okay. You don’t want to finish your breakfast?”

“I’ve lost my appetite all of the sudden. Actually, never really had it to begin with.” She shrugs lamely, gazing longingly at the door to her bedroom. “Thank you for the conversation and the company.”

Lilith rises to curtsy, but Corrin is quick to wave her back down. Mustering up all the strength she has left, the dragon queen pushes herself up from the floor and departs, the lump in her throat growing ever stronger… and somehow, the determination in her soul growing with it. Someone could poke a million different holes in her plan if they wanted, but she couldn’t allow her spirit to falter over something like that. Maybe things were as her friend said they would be, maybe they weren’t, but she wasn’t going to wait around and hope that something good would happen. She wanted answers. She needed answers. So no matter how she was dissuaded from it, she would push forward. Her hope has dwindled, but it has yet to die. Going forward, all she needs to do is hold on to that speck of light.

For the sake of myself and everyone here, Lilith, I’ll do everything I can to prove your worries wrong. Ryoma may be cruel, and jealous, manipulative, and selfish, but… I have to believe in him anyway. At times like these, my faith is all I have, so I’ll push forward. I’ll choose to believe in him and believe in his kindnesses, even when he has shown me that he is reluctant to use them. I will trust in my heart and do everything I can to get the answers I need. Having faith in my world, in spite of my confusion and suffering… It’s the only choice that I have. I can’t be someone different than who I am.

Believing in people like Ryoma… it’s who I am.

#fire emblem fates #fe Ryoma #fe Corrin #fe Lilith #Hoshido #spoilers fire emblem fates #spoilers fe fates #FE Blood-Splattered Child #implied/referenced suicide tw #fire emblem fates revelations

0 notes

princessparadoxical · 7 years

Text

I never thought that Priest would be the one to accurately summarize this episode but “this is going to be a wild one” says it more articulately than I ever could. And also someone asking about Dirk’s deal and Farah responding with “actually I don’t know what Dirk is” because isn’t that at the heart of everything at the moment. Everyone wants Dirk Gently but no-one has the faintest clue what he is. Hell, he doesn’t seem to know what he is (other than in desperate need of a hug and a milkshake and probably years of therapy).

I don’t know what the significance is of the underground paintings at the beginning of every episode. Maybe it’s the content. Maybe they’ll finally pan back to reveal the artist. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re taking place underground. Either way it’s a mystery within a mystery and also works with the current fan theory that pits are going to be important in season two.

Oh Trosts, don’t accept gifts from the Mage. Do you know nothing about narative? Do stories not exist in Wendimoor, or do you just wander around repeating the prophecy to each other? But sadly no sign of Silas, for which I am in mourning.

Todd sleeping like a dork, Farah sleeping like an actual angel, and Dirk studiously not sleeping because of trauma and christ, that’s going to start taking a toll soon because sleep deprivation is a form of torture banned by the Geneva Conventions and Dirk is doing it to himself. It doesn’t take much for exhaustion to turn into paranoia.

I don’t know whether anyone agrees with me but Todd and Farah flirting was utterly adorable, either they’ve got some friendly banter going on or it’s something more but it was good fun. “It’s not like I haven’t seen it all before” I’m assuming they’ve had some fucking weird experiences while on the run, where is this fic series please.

Dirk’s gorgeous face when he realizes he’s getting unfettered access to the costume department lost property and evidence room. He’s a pressure cooker of anxiety and guilt so as far as I’m concerned, he should be taking whatever victories he can.

Someone should be keeping track of how many laws Farah is breaking this season.

I don’t know why Todd thinks that Dirk wouldn’t be squeamish? He’s seen dead bodies, sure. Doesn’t mean that he likes them. But kudos to Todd for trying to coax Dirk out though, even if it’s the exact opposite of what Dirk needed at that moment. Todd, my small angry bisexual son. You’re doing beautifully.

Vogel suggesting that he can be Amanda’s son. Or grandson. I was going to ask jokingly whether he knows how family works but in retrospect, he might not.

Dirk’s “maybe it was some kind of accident” spiel sounds like he’s trying so hard to give them what they want in a way that’s not going to put them in danger but there’s no right answer here and he’s floundering.

He’s probably also imagining his old friends and his new friends dying in equally strange and unusual ways and that’s not going to be great for his mental health.

The only thing I can take away from Friedkin’s “why is there no breakdown video or something?” is that he’s the kind of person who has to bingewatch things because of his terrible attention span and sure, we’ve all been there, but it’s less endearing when people’s lives depend on you knowing your shit. Fingers crossed that his assistant puts together some cliff notes or some flash cards or something.

Hobbs asking Todd “what’s his deal?” literally made my heart skip a beat because I thought he was subtly trying to check out Dirk’s relationship status or sexuality and I was ready to throw a fucking parade, I’m long-term Brotzly trash but I’d also happily sell my firstborn chld for some canon Dirk/Hobbs content.

No matter what else happens this season, Dirk being able to honestly say that he’s working with local law enforcement like a real detective is going to be one of those happy memories that he could use to summon a Patronus.

Todd keeping the brass knuckles like the world’s weirdest souveneir from the world’s weirdest case. What a dork.

I’m so fucking glad that someone called Friedkin out on almost shooting Amanda in the head, that’s been bothering me since season one. I just wish that person wasn’t Priest, because the casting video described how Priest shot another Blackwing subject’s jaw off and that’s been haunting my nightmares for a very long time now.

Tina is my bisexual empath punk law enforcement daughter and I will literally die for her.

But also what if Tina is an actual empath and she’s been abusing substances for so long as a form of self-medication?

Dirk saying that he’s in Bergsberg to deal with all their weird and freaky coincidences because he thinks that’s all he’s good for.

Did Susie just straight-up murder the entire book club?

I’m assuming that Bart got the bell the same way Dirk got up the ladder, there is something spooky going on here and I don’t know whether it’s a causality psychic thing or a Bergsberg thing but I need to know more.

Friedkin, can you please stop flirting with people after electrocuting them. I know we’ve all been talking shit about Todd’s game but man, yours is 1000% worse. Stockholm syndrome isn’t fun. You’re not making any friends.

The thing about the construction company having the same insignia as the Mage’s forces is that one of them probably had to predate the other. My money is still on the Mage coming through the portal in the 1960s (either on the boat or during the huge power surge) and founding the construction company?

Dirk repeatedly rejecting Todd’s offers to talk, god damn it, I know you’re not the best with people but this is an opportunity too good to pass up.

The entire scene with Vogel and Priest, there is a lot going on here, the familiar Rowdy 3 music starts and you see the van and you know things are going to go wrong and then Vogel’s face. My heart broke. This is the monster from his childhood who’s taunting him with his stolen family, threatening the one friend he has left, and who just broke his hand for shits and giggles. I’m officially nominating Vogel as the Blackwing subject most in need of a hug this episode (sorry Dirk).

... and that’s predominantly because Dirk has Todd dropping some much-needed truth bombs about Dirk’s value as a human being. Because I don’t think Todd realized until now just how domestic some of Dirk’s dreams were. He wanted his friends and his Agency. He wanted to solve mysteries and help people. He wanted it to be calmer and he wanted it to be better and now he feels like it’s neither and Todd developed pararibulitis because of him. But Todd’s still there, still offering help, still doing shitty British accents. Quoting something that Dirk told him the very first day they met. That means something,

But Todd mentions “fate and chance” in the same way Dirk mentions “fate and chance” to Friedkin in episode one and that’s concerning. That’s a very specific phrase being used under very specific circumstances and I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t be reused later in a horribly ironic echo.

Susie trying to keep the wand and book makes me think of Gollum clutching the One Ring going “my precioussss” and I genuinely didn’t predict that the Mage and Susie would be this antagonistic towards each other, but there are still seven episodes to go in this season so they might still join forces.

When they said that Bart was asking everyone whether they knew Ken, they really meant that she was asking everyone.

Dirk’s face when Panto says his name :) :) :)

This episode kicked the Bechdel Test in the teeth in the most thrilling and innuendo-laden way possible and I’m fully here for the new Rowdy 3 of Tina, Farah, Amanda and Bart.

And the biggest mystery of all: why the fuck does the sweet sunshine bean dislike pink.

#dirk gently #dghda #my contributions #shout-out to sharkcats as usual for the livestream m'friend you are saving my heart from breaking every week #I'll think of more shit later probably but eeehhh #can't wait to watch it all again!! and again!! ang again!!

73 notes · View notes

rimonakyun-corinth · 4 years

Photo

↳ GLIMPSE AT RIMONA — prompts edition

template by shoshiialex

ANDROMEDA: Talk about your character’s relationship with their siblings (if they have any). She is the youngest Kyun and the only girl, having three older brothers with Silas (Seung-hwan) being the eldest. Tae-min and Joo-seob followed, alas leaving the fiery spirit of Ri-na. While all the Kyun children were very close, the deviations within their family and country causing them to be as thick as thieves, Ri-na has always been closest with Seung-hwan. It was something that started well beyond her own entrance into this world and a part of herself that she doesn’t fully understand. The annoying little sister that always wanted to play and have full attention on themselves, spoiled in the most delicate sense. The family just tried to shelter her as much as possible from violence, though there was no way to fully escape it and Ri-na was never blind to its happenings. Tae-min enlisted into the military while she was a young girl, causing the relationship to fracture naturally during that time but she saw the pain that Seung-hwan felt watching their brother go. Joo-seob, being the closest to herself in age, would often push her buttons and Ri-na would take those days back in a heartbeat. He is the last known survivor of the Kyun’s within Korea.

ASCLEPIUS: Talk about your character’s morality. How do they decide who is morally good and who is not? What does “good” mean to them? It’s a lot of touch and go, navigating individuals based on how her gut first feels about them. In no way does Rimona trust easily, but she manages to get through life holding her world and heart close to herself. Not many people know every side of her, just the ones she chooses to show. That’s one of the ways that she differed from Silas after all these years of being apart and growing as individuals. He has never lost his ability to see, at least, light and good in humanity and Rimona still holds onto so much bitterness for it as a whole. Still angry, probably grabs onto them too strongly. But at the end of the day, she is still a Kyun.

ATLAS: Talk about how your character deals with their “responsibility” to either side of the war for the veil, if they are aware of it. I think Rimona is fully aware that there is something bubbling in the veins of Greece, but she’s going to do her best to remain as neutral as possible. There are people that she cares deeply about that are all within the city limits, so loyalty is going to be on an individual basis. Which could be a weakness or a luxury depending on the way everything sways.

CHARON: Talk about your character’s greatest fears. Vulnerability. Having any kind of appearance of weakness, but her fear of it never stops her from delicately going down its path when necessary. It’s just not something Rimona is willing to demonstrate with many people, so others are considered lucky when they actually get to see the bits of herself that are deep within.

CHRONOS: Talk about how your character deals with their past. Very expensive therapy, a lot in the realm of the retail sort.

CIRCE: Talk about how your character deals with betrayal. Highly depends on if she suspected it and/or the person was someone she considered close, but that amount of individuals dwindled down over the years. If it was someone close, I cannot see it going well and she would probably make it known to that individual. She only resorts to a more violent side when it's about survival.

EROS: Talk about your character’s love life, and how they see “love.” Her view of love was never really damaged over all these years. In fact, I believe that her idea of what love could be became stronger and Rimona was actually able to decide what kind of person she wanted in her inner circle. She was always one to know exactly what she strives for but after seeing so much terrible from humanity, she had to regain that confidence that another could actually have heart. Maybe that’s part of the reason why she found herself crushing on Helena Vidalis so easily, able to see that the witch was actually very genuine and found a kindred spirit.

EURYALE: Talk about someone’s death that would hit your muse the hardest, or their greatest loss. Losing all of her family was a moment that Rimona would not like to repeat again, so I know losing her brother for a second time would shake her to the core. Other major losses would be the woman she came to know over the years that had lived similar experiences to herself, especially all the innocent people that were forced to endure some of life’s worst while Rimona just had to passively obey. While she is always doing her best to be the better person, as Silas would probably say it, parts of her still wishes the worst on every single individual involved in her torment.

HEKTOR: Talk about how your character deals with something that is out of their control. Life is chaos, Rimona knows this. Nothing in life can be completely controlled and she isn’t going to drive herself mad trying to. What she can control is herself and her actions, her own gut being her guide.

LAMIA: Talk about what other species your character would be/wants to be. Rimona flops back and forth between finding this comfortable footing with vampirism, but still craves being human again. Though that might just be a longing fantasy for a time that she cannot get back into her grasp. Both have perks— that’s something she definitely sees now that it helped give her the upper hand in past fights for survival. She could do without all this immortality business.

LETHE: Talk about if your character would rather forget certain memories or hold on to them. Hold onto them and never forget, each moment shaped her into the woman she is today and she has no regrets on that. She would much rather learn from all of the past bruises and grow than allow them to disappear, not to know if that memory made her all the more empathetic to another.

MEDEA: Talk about your characters thoughts on redemption, and if they think they need it or are worthy of it. Doesn’t mind a nice heaping pile of redemption every now and again, especially when someone clearly needs to be taken down a peg or two. Can’t say she thinks she needs it, but she absolutely thinks she is worthy of it. If she had the chance to get redemption for her past experiences, Rimona would absolutely take it.

PHILOTES: Talk about your character’s best friends and what friendship means to them. Trust, lots of trust and always surrounding yourself with empathetic people. She finds that with Sela, Winter, even Jaime at times. Even keeps in touch with those who were changed like herself, just to be sure they are all still looking out for one another. A sense of community is a quality that can be found within all the Kyun’s and Rimona tries her best to extend that to anyone she meets.

(THE) PHONOI: Talk about your character’s view on murder. Truthfully, Rimona understands it in the line of self defense but all other cases are wrong. Let’s just not, okay? Okay.

PONOS: Talk about what would make your character emotionally break. She has been through a lot emotionally in the past and has broken down quite a few times, but always tapped back into her will to keep going. I think losing her brother again would be a tipping point, though the Kyun’s are just known for doing their best to bounce back— eventually. Certain events drove her to be a little more fragile in those areas of life and that’s why she shields them away from those she doesn’t trust to do the right thing with the information. Over time Rimona will regain herself and has been working on just that, recovering from all the brutality she has seen.

TARTARUS: Talk about your character’s view on retribution. Can’t see her wanting any kind of extreme since she has lived through major torment and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. A punishment that would steer more towards learning from their mistakes, if possible. Rimona understands that not everyone deserves tenderness and penalties should fit the crime, but one also has a moral responsibility to break any unjust laws. It would be a more case by case basis.

#musing #tw: violence #tw: suggested abuse #corinth.task #headcanons #task 002 #charlie edit #// may edit or add as i keep developing her #// also lmk if i missed a tag this was written in a fever dream

0 notes

what-big-teeth · 4 years

Text

Imprint (Asrai Girlfriend, pt. 2)

Female Reader (POV) x Female Monster [Part 1]

Lime ; NSFW-ish

The next day is awkward in noticeable ways.

Your idea to prepare homemade, fruit-filled pancakes is halted when you spot Silas slumped over at the dining room table. The empty whiskey glass near his head tells you plenty, as much as you’d rather not know. As a courtesy, you place the tumbler in the sink and decide to munch on a large apple in your room instead.

Come midday, as you sit on the porch swing enjoying the fresh air and texting your parents, something shatters. Your hurry back inside, finding Silas staring down at a pile of ceramic shards and a ruined breakfast sandwich. Like the plate, he looks utterly broken.

“Sorry.” His tight voice trembles. “I’ll get a broom and dustpan.”

You try to offer your assistance, but he turns his back to you and trudges towards the washroom. Watching him clean up his accident will hurt more than help, so you return to the front porch.

After a simple late lunch, one which you offered and Silas accepted, you hold a video call with Dr. Harn about your exposure therapy in the living room.

“I managed to stay at the pier’s end for a few minutes,” you say.

With Maris serving as an incentive, how could you not? You don’t mention her to Dr. Harn though, knowing her existence is something straight from a fairy tale.

“That’s a rather happy expression,” Dr. Harn says. “Did something good happen?”

You start to think of a more, mundane white lie. A deafening “no” from upstairs interrupts you.

Dr. Harn calls your name, concerned. You quickly assure her of your safety and promise to call her back. Laptop secured on the couch, you climb the stairs two at a time and swiftly reach the smaller guestroom. You see Silas through a gap in the opened door, his cheeks flushed an angry red.

“Sara, if you would just—”

You hear a sharp click and a monotonous dial tone. She’s hung up. Silas stares down at his smartphone with red-rimmed eyes, mouth opened.

“Damnit!”

He throws his phone, drops onto the bed and presses his face into his open hands.

The phone skitters to a stop against the door. Using that as a cue, you slowly step inside. You squat down and pick up his phone, sad to see a noticeable crack stretching across the touch screen.

“Silas?”

“Don’t.”

His fingers dig into the bare flesh of his upper arms.

“I bet you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

You’re too stunned to answer. Silas barks out a sharp laugh.

“I treated you like shit when we were kids,” he says. “Seeing me like this must be great. The childhood bully getting his comeuppance later in life. Sweet karmic vengeance, right?”

You don’t reply. Instead, you close the distance between you and him then offer his phone. Silas stares at the device in a quiet stupor.

“Why?” he croaks out.

“Because there’s nothing to enjoy.”

It isn’t hard to overpower his pitiful, weakening stare. His gaze drops and he reclaims his damaged phone. You feel your anger building deep from within, thick and heavy. Jagged remnants from your childhood attempt to seize hold, but you hold them at bay.

“If I was still a kid, I probably would enjoy this. God only knows how much I hated you guys for bullying me so much. But I’m not. I don’t enjoy seeing you like this, Silas. If anything, I feel sorry for you.”

You take a deep, shuddering breath.

“That’s why I want to know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

The lake house falls silent. Not even the usual creaks and groans make themselves known. Silas’ shoulders tremble and he buries his face in his hands.

He tells you of the disagreements between him and his wife that have led to full-blown arguments. How he involved their daughter one too many times; how his wife kicked him out of the house without a shred of regret.

“I keep trying to tell her my side of things,” he says. “But she never listens.”

It’s sad. The answer is so simple that you wonder how Silas never saw it. But then, you remember how Simon would pose as the leader when it came to his brother, including how they bullied you. You wonder if things could have been different if Silas stood up to his older twin brother.

“Have you tried listening to her before telling her your side of things?”

Silas stills. He peers up at you, looking confused and lost. It confirms your suspicions.

“Relationships are a two-way street,” you say. You think back to the incident on the tire swing. “When you don’t listen to someone, you make them feel less than. Like they don’t matter. So when they need you the most, they feel like they can’t depend on you.”

You hold his gaze, your lips thinning into a line.

“And when you confirm that belief, they’re left feeling betrayed.”

Silas’ eyes begin to fill with tears and you know you’ve said enough. You’re inches from the guest room door when Silas laughs once more. Strangely, it’s tinged with awe.

“God, you’ve really changed, haven’t you?”

You look over your shoulder and manage to give him a small smile.

“That’s usually what happens when someone grows up.”

Later that night, you prepare a comforting dinner and call to Silas from the dining room. He approaches the table in an odd timid manner, quietly asking to take his food upstairs. You let him and he thanks you sincerely, promising to handle his own dishes.

After cleaning up and tucking yourself into bed, you allow the muted sounds of the lake lull you. Before sleep takes you under, you think you hear Silas murmuring from across the hallway. But as your eyes close, you aren’t certain.

The next morning brings an odd surprise. Silas, looking much more composed than before, stands in the kitchen doorway with his luggage in hand. You wipe your washed hands with a dishtowel by the sink.

“You’re leaving?”

He nods. “Sara and I made headway last night. And it’s all thank to you.”

The sincerity in his voice catches you off guard. It’s an anomaly, one you never expected to ever hear. You honestly aren’t sure how to feel.

“Uh, sure thing. No problem.”

“There’s also something else.”

Silas steps into the room and stands arms’ length away from you. You bite at the inside of your cheek, unsure of what he’ll do.

“I’m sorry for bullying you when we were kids,” he says. “And I’m sorry for not speaking up or stopping Simon when I had the chance. I knew what we did was wrong; I just never thought about how it would affect you.”

He rubs at the back of his neck, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

“If you decide to forgive me, that’s fine. And even if you don’t, that’s fine as well. I’ll leave that up to you.”

For the second time, Silas leaves you standing before him, utterly stunned. Silas nods at you and walks past, pulling his luggage behind him. Your throat finally opens as your mouth closes with a soft click.

“W-wait.”

Silas pauses with his hand on the door knob. He doesn’t look back at you and you find yourself feeling grateful for his consideration.

“Is…How is Simon doing?”

Silas’ head bows a few inches.

“He’s still facing his own demons from that day,” he says.

You inhale a deep, silent breath and smile.

“Then I hope he conquers them.”

Moments later, Silas leaves, all traces of his visit gone with him. It’s only when the sound of his truck’s departure fades completely that your wrist cools and tingles.

The sensation guides you to the pier’s edge where Maris is waiting for you. It’s then you realize the sky is overcast like before, overflowing with darkening clouds. She floats in the water, her body utterly still and tilts her head.

“Is everything well?” she asks.

Warmth blossoms in your chest. Your smile is small, but genuine.

“Not everything,” you say, “but it’s a promising start.”

Maris grins.

You sit down and soon learn more about her. Her kind has existed since the creation of nature, before humanity. Born of dew and moonlight, they wandered the earth, finding homes in lakes and sea. But because of their nature, they sleep underwater in the shadows during the day and only emerge when the sun is tucked away or nighttime reigns.

As for Maris herself, she has known about your family since she was just a child, when her older sister was still living with her in the lake. She never took much interest, more so as her sister was highly protective. But that all changed when she first saw you.

To say her words flatter you is an understatement. A cool touch caresses your heated cheek. Maris sits before you, face to face, using the lake water as a seat once more.

“Can I ask…” You wet your lips. “Is your sister still here?”

Her thumb stops skimming your cheek.

“No,” she says. The light in her eyes dim. “A trespasser captured her on a sunny day. She faded away before they could reach the lakeside.”

Your throat tightens. No matter how much you swallow, the lump refuses to sink. You reach up and hold Maris’ hand in yours.

“You’ve been lonely since then, haven’t you?”

She nods, attempting a smile; it falls short. As her gaze shifts away, you vow to never see that heartrending expression again. Not if you can help it.

“Can I see again tomorrow? And after that?”

Maris’ mouth falls open. She doesn’t move for the longest of moments until she nods.

“Yes. I would like that immensely.”

You squeeze her hand and let it go just as a peel of thunder rips through the air. You bid her farewell and hurry back inside the lake house just before the sky cracks open.

During your week-long stay, in-between checking in with Dr. Harn and your parents, you spend the rest of your time at the lakeside.

On clear days, Maris only appears at night, when the sun has long sunk beneath the horizon. She welcomes you every time, sometimes with a bright smile and other times with a soft yawn. Both are endearing and you find yourself recalling those moments and many more.

Learning more about Maris—how her nose crumples when she laughs, her innate curiosity about people, her deep insights when speaking of nature, her otherworldliness; it all pulls you closer to an edge that your heart has slowly led you to.

You fall completely during your last night at the lake house.

Maris stands on the water’s surface, her face tilted her face tilted up towards the full, bright moon. Strands of moonlight weave together across her form and hair, making them softly glow. Her hands skim across her body, trapping the light underneath her skin.

The entrancing sight draws a faint gasp from you. Maris pauses and she turns towards you. She smiles and slips into the water without causing any ripples. Moments later, she appears next to the lakeside and sits on the water’s surface.

It takes every ounce of your self-control to not run. But your steps are still hurried as her sweet smiles holds an unspoken promise. Perhaps a lingering kiss or a gentle caress. When she calls your name, your heart leaps. As you near closer, she speaks.

“This is your last night here, correct?”

Your thundering pulse calms. You nod, sitting on the lush grass.

“That’s right. I have to head back home. To get ready for graduate school.”

Maris closes the distance between you both by twining her fingers with yours. You shudder pleasantly at her cool touch.

“I am glad to have met your properly. And I am happy I had the opportunity to learn more about you.”

Her gaze boldly meets yours as her grip on your hand tightens ever so slightly.

“I hope you will not forget me.”

You open your mouth to reply. But you’re left speechless. Because in this moment, knowing what your heart wants and hoping she’ll reciprocate, words would fail.

This fact emboldens you to act instead.

You pull away from Maris, unsurprised at how empty your hand feels without hers in it. But you need both hands to shuck off your shoes and remove your socks. Keeping your gaze focused on Maris’ questioning expression, you scoot closer to the lake’s edge. You dip your legs into the water and extend your arms towards her.

Maris is quick to fall into your embrace. And to your immense happiness, she presses a kiss against your lips.

From there, you both soon fall into a tangle of bare limbs, warm and cool, intermixed with large tendrils of water arising from the lake.

Your lips move from her mouth to her neck, down, down, down until you taste her and nearly fall drunk. Her sighs and mewls are lyrical, a song only meant for the two of you. And the more attentive you are, the more beautifully she sings.

With your guidance, she takes you apart with clever fingers and her cool mouth. Then she makes you whole with gentle words, soft kisses, and chilled caresses. You know you’ll not want for anyone else.

So you voice your decision, despite being dazed from her teasing kisses.

“I’ll find a way,” you breathe.

She steals your breath soon after with a light laugh.

“To do what?”

Your gaze meets her without wavering.

“To be with you.”

Maris stills, shifting back so she no longer leans over you. Her vivid sea-green eyes are wide and the light in them is unreadable.

“I’ll find a way,” you say again. “My family owns the land around the lake. I can have another house built in the future. Or move into the nearby town. Get a job and visit—“

Maris wastes no time in interrupting you. First with her lips then with the press of her fingers against your heat. You moan; the chilled contrast of her against you makes you shudder.

“I accept,” she says. “I wish for that, too.”

Backlit by the full moon, its light casting a beautiful glow onto her skin, she smiles. The sight emboldens you in more ways than one. First, you vow to accomplish your goal no matter. The next, Maris is able to guess without you needing to say a word.

She leans down and presses a sweet kiss against your pulse, grazing your skin with her sharp teeth. Her mouth lingers as your heart flutters.

“Come into the water with me,” she says, cupping your cheek. “I’ll keep you safe, beloved.”

Your answer is nearly silenced by her attentive touch.

“I know you will.”

You angle your face towards her, meeting her in a languid kiss as your bodies slip underwater.

And you only know of shared breaths and sweet pleasure.

#asrai girlfriend #monster girlfriend #monster romance #exophilia #terato #fae #fair folk #fairy #lime #thanks for the likes and reblogs!#if you want to read the poem about the Asrai #message me and let me know

55 notes · View notes

phgq · 5 years

Text

QC renews partnership with Bantay Bata 163 as part of Children’s Month celebration

#PHinfo: QC renews partnership with Bantay Bata 163 as part of Children’s Month celebration

QC Vice Mayor Gian Sotto, with Jing Castaneda, ABS-CBN Anchor/Host and Program Director of Bantay Bata 163 and other officials of QC LGU and Bantay Bata Foundation join hands as a symbol of solid partnership in promoting the rights of Filipino children. (Photo courtesy of QC LGU)

QUEZON CITY, Nov. 29 (PIA)--The Quezon City government renewed its partnership with the Bantay Bata 163 for the protection and welfare of children in Quezon City.

The event highlighted the City’s celebration of Children’s Month this year.

Bantay Bata 163 is a child welfare program launched in 1997 to protect disadvantaged and at-risk children through a nationwide network of social services.

The Memorandum of Agreement marks the second straight year of cooperation between the local government and Bantay Bata 163.

“Malapit talaga sa puso ko ang mga kabataan dahil tingin ko, sila talaga ang kinabukasan ng ating bayan,” said Quezon City Mayor Joy Belmonte said.

“Para sa akin, ang isang lungsod ay nasusukat sa pagmamahal na ibinibigay niya sa kanyang mga bata, to those who are most vulnerable,” added Belmonte.

This year, Belmonte has pledged P28 million in financial assistance for the Bantay Bata 163 Children’s Village, which provides shelter and care to children who need medium to long-term rehabilitation referred by the city’s Social Service Development Department (SSDD).

Based in Norzagaray, Bulacan, the Children’s Village is a half-way home for children who are neglected, abandoned, abused, and exploited. It ensures residential care services for its clients, providing basic needs, as well as holistic therapy and resilience programs, conducted by experts and trained social workers in a family-like environment.

"The partnership of the QC government with Bantay Bata 163 goes beyond the rescue and protection of children in situations of abuse,that is provided thru the Hotline 163 and the Children’s Village. It is extending beyond the village because of the various new programs which aim to create a safer, more protective environment for our children," Belmonte said

Quezon City Vice Mayor Gian Sotto, who signed in behalf of the QC government, said it is meaningful to be a part of this worthy endeavor since strengthening Filipino families is one of his advocacies.

"Mahalaga sa akin na tama ang palaki sa bata at nagagabayan sila sa tamang landas," said Sotto.

Jing Castaneda, ABS-CBN Anchor/Host and Program Director of Bantay Bata 163 said, the 22-year-old NGO has also been able to help the QC government in ensuring that poor yet deserving children of QC have access to inclusive and quality education through the Bantay Edukasyon scholarship assistance.

Several communities in QC have also benefited from the various community outreach programs conducted by Bantay Bata 163 in collaboration with the LGU, the most recent of which was in Barangay Payatas.

Belmonte, for her part added, that the QC government and Bantay Bata 163 are continuously working together to uphold the rights of the Filipino children especially in the areas of child abuse prevention and mental health issues confronting our children today, positive parenting and in the crafting of child protection policies to benefit the children of QC.

With their same mission and vision, Quezon City and Bantay Bata 163 continue their combined efforts in championing the rights of the Filipino children.

"With all these initiatives of the QC government looking at the best interest of their children, it is truly deserving to be conferred with the Seal of Child-Friendly Local Government Unit for 2018," said Castaneda.

***

References:

* Philippine Information Agency. "QC renews partnership with Bantay Bata 163 as part of Children’s Month celebration." Philippine Information Agency. https://pia.gov.ph/news/articles/1030943 (accessed November 29, 2019 at 02:49PM UTC+08).

* Philippine Infornation Agency. "QC renews partnership with Bantay Bata 163 as part of Children’s Month celebration." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://pia.gov.ph/news/articles/1030943 (archived).

#Philippines #News #Filipino #Pinoy #Tourism #Politics #Culture #Editorial #Environment #Society #History

0 notes

alohastatearts · 6 years

Photo

Congratulations, Em!

Your application for CHASE CLARINGTON (Nick Robinson) has been ACCEPTED! Please check our orientation list and submit your account within 24 hours!

OOC INFORMATION:

Your preferred name: Em. Age: 28. Preferred Pronouns: They/Them. Timezone: CST. Activity Level (1-10): Depends on the dash, but 7/10 on days off. Probably more 4/10 on days I work because I won’t be able to get on until late at night. Triggers: rfp Anything else we should know? I hope I didn’t miss a rules password, as I read through it twice, haha. Let me know if I did!

IN-CHARACTER INFORMATION:

Name: Chase Clarington. Face Claim: Nick Robinson. Age/Birthday: 20, June 8th. Preferred Pronouns: Trans male. He/him. Sexuality: Demisexual/panromantic. Hometown: Honolulu, Hawaii. Ships: /Chemistry. Anti-Ships: /No Chemistry.

Three Positive Traits: Loyal, cheerful, generous. Three Negative Traits: Shy, blunt, insecure.

UNIVERSITY

Field of Study: Fine Arts. Possible secondary subject(s): Digital Arts. Duration at ASSA: Sophomore.

BIOGRAPHY

Please provide a short biography/background of your character (2+ paragraphs) using the following questions as a guide:

Chase was born in Honolulu, Hawaii as Willow Clarington. As a child, he went to an all-girls school, Emma Willard Academy, but never really fit in. The other girls were always running around and giggling, talking about clothes and their barbies and how they wanted to marry a prince when they grew up. Willow, on the other hand, just wanted to play with the boys at the neighboring all-boys school, Damien’s Memorial School, commonly being found trying to get in the middle of their soccer games and, quite frankly, being a lot better at the sport than they were.

When Chase was thirteen, he asked his parents if he could go to the same school as his brother, Hunter. They were not understanding when Chase said that he didn’t feel like a girl and didn’t want to be Willow anymore. They forced Chase to remain as Willow and remain at the Academy. Of course, Chase refused to respond to the name Willow, and refused to allow anyone to use feminine pronouns when referring to him. This caused a lot of bullying, and soon Chase realized it was just in his best interest to try and stay out of the limelight. He was safer from ridicule and bullying when he stayed in the shadows. But still being forced to wear a skirt as part of his uniform, and still attending an all-girls school messed with his mental health. He self harmed in attempt to battle his depression, always in secret and always where no one would notice. This didn’t help much in gym class, however, changing in front of the girls and teachers. Once the school had taken notice of what he was doing to himself, his parents were notified.

Realizing that their “daughter” couldn’t stay at that school – not without ruining their good name – the Claringtons sent Chase to live with his mother’s sister, Linda, and her husband, Robert – or Bob, as Chase referred to him. They were less well off, but more accepting of Chase. For the first time, he was actually happy. His aunt and uncle referred to him with the correct pronouns and name, and the public school they sent him to also had accepting teachers and students. Chase ended up getting himself onto the boys’ soccer team, and was one of their star players.

While soccer was something that helped him feel good about himself, Chase was always a fan of drawing and painting. When he was at the Academy, just being by himself in a dark corner, sketching to his heart’s content was something that brought him great peace. It helped him not feel so alone in a world where he felt like everyone was out to get him. So when deciding on a school, Aloha State School of Arts was his first choice. He no longer had the funding from his parents, who had outright disowned him, but was able to apply for student loans. He wasn’t awarded any grants or allowed to receive financial aid because of his parents’ financial standing, but the debt in the future is worth it all to him. Currently, Chase just want to get his degree and go on to open his own gallery. He’s quite talented with a canvas, and he knows that if he sticks to his dream, it’ll come true one day – with or without help from his parents.

When Chase turned eighteen, with the help of his aunt and uncle, he was able to start testosterone therapy. He’s had top surgery to get his breasts removed, and he’s looking more like a born-male every day. He’s very happy with his appearance so far, but he has opted not to get bottom surgery yet. He believes there isn’t enough advancement and gives out poor results. But because of his choice to keep his bottom half untouched, he’s also a virgin. It’s just not a part of himself that he wishes to share with anyone else yet.

Chase is very close to his older brother, and always has been. He knows that Hunter has made mistakes, but looks up to him more than anyone else. He views Hunter as the cool alpha male, and Chase is awkward and weird in comparison. He wants to be more like his brother, but can’t find it in himself to even attempt to find the self-confidence that he believes Hunter’s personality oozes.

When he heard about his mother sleeping with the father of the Fabray family, Chase couldn’t care less. His parents were always at the back of his mind, and he spares them very little thought anymore. He believes it’s because of them that his self-confidence is so low, and that he’s afraid to tell anyone about being transgender. He does feel a certain pity towards Quinn Fabray, however, but never knows exactly how to bring up the subject with her, or if he even should.

ENTRANCE ESSAYS

Please provide a writing sample (At least two paragraphs in-character, please). In lieu of a writing sample, you may link to any written para of any previous RP blog):

(Previous para starter from basically the same character, from the blog this is submitted from!)

It was becoming quite apparent to the oldest Xavier sibling that he just couldn’t quite stay still. First he was talking to Gavin, and then to Silas, and then he just found himself wandering around the basement for a while. It seemed to ease his anxiety about being around so many people that he had yet to ever meet – strangers made him uncomfortable and made his pulse race from nerves. So being trapped with a bunch of his neighbors that he never interacted with before the hurricane hit? Well, he wasn’t doing so well. He was pretty sure he was kind of doing okay at hiding that fact from everyone else, and talking to his brother for that short while even made him slightly more comfortable with the situation.

However, that comfort didn’t last long, especially when he became more tired but was afraid of falling asleep around people he didn’t know. It just didn’t feel safe to him. Maybe he needed to have a talk with his therapist about that, but for the moment he was stuck feeling like anything could happen. It wasn’t the hurricane that worried him, it was the thought of the unknown things that other people could do instead. What if one of them were secretly a murderer? The rest would be shit out of fucking luck.

Being in his tired state, Cody wasn’t exactly watching where he was going anymore. He was wandering around aimlessly, trying to go through his two published books word for word in his head. For some reason, it was calming for him. That was, until, he tripped over the legs of someone who just seemed to need to sit down for a while. In attempt to catch himself, he ended up swinging his hand out to grasp onto something – which just happened to be the man’s face. It didn’t help any, and Cody fell to the ground anyways… he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Eyes wide and cheeks red, he glanced at the guy – why were there so many gorgeous people living in his apartment building – and swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry. Oh my god, I’m such a klutz. Is your face okay? Your legs? Fuck, I – I wasn’t watching where I was going and it’s a little cramped down here but it was totally my fault, I really should have been paying attention instead of dreaming off into LaLa Land. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?”

#accepted #Chase Clarington #mentions of self harm tw

0 notes

savedbyloveforgivenbygrace · 7 years

Photo

THIS MAY TOOK YOU LONG TO READ GUYS, BUT I HOPE YOU ENDURE WITH ME AND LEND ME SOME MINUTES TO READ MY STORY. It was Feb 10, 2017 6-6:30am. On the way ako to duty sa National Kidney Transplant Institute (Medtech-Extern ako doon). Nagpapaba ako sa driver sa may pedestrian lane sa tapat ng Gate1 ng QC city hall. Papasok na sana ako. But then, pagbaba ko sa jeepney, I looked first left and right para malaman if may mga padating na sasakyan. Well, I saw some coming but it was far. I was on the right side and far from naaninag ko papadating ang jeep, taxi at motor. However, diko na alam ang sunod nangyari. Nagtaka ako pagkagising ko (dahil parang 30mins ako nawalan ng malay, tinanong ko agad kase ung rescuer anong oras na nun 630am na daw) asa tabi na ako at may mga police, guard and rescue team. And them I asked kuya rescuer, "Anong nangyari?" "Nasagasaan ka" — sabi nia saken, tapos nun napahawak ako sa muka ko dahil puro dugo nakita ko sa kamay ko at pagkatapos nun sinabi ko kay kuya "Tulungan moko kuya!" napaiyak ako dn kase ng sabhin nia na wag ako malikot dn dahil nabalian ako, dun ko palang narealize lalo na masakit yun at umiyak na ako ng sobra. Pasalamat nalang dn ako kase walang nawala sa gamit ko. Tumatawag si boyfriend nun pnasagot saken ni kuya at snabi ko nasagasaan. He was in a rushed and went to me from Legarda. Thankfully they asked me if I have a friend to come with me at si Ram, kaextern ko sa NKTI he went with me after ko sia tawagan. (pinatawag saken ni kuya rescuer ganun dn na pnatawagan nia saken si mama ko). Mama talked to the rescuer & told them to go immediately in the nearest hospital. Luckily I was an intern before at East Avenue Medical Center, and some of the people knew me and helped me. I forgot the ortho-doctor's name who straigthen immediately my fractured bone. I thank Ram, for he was with me and he talked to my ninang also and othe relatives (sorry, Ram if you got screamed that day, everybody was in shocked that time). Afterwards my boyfriend came too, after a while, the mother of "ALBERT IBAJO TORRES" — name of the person who got me in that situation. (Maswerte sia napilayan at bugbog lang siya), tinawagan daw sia ng anak nia kaya sia napunta doon saken. I can't believe she'll come dn. Too make the long story short, I was shook when I saw one of my tooth was broken and my enamel showed, how unfortunate I am. By the way they provided the titanium plate for my fractured femur bone. (My diagnosis: Fractured closed complete communited displaced m3 right femur) The plate worth 45k. I thank them for they'd provided it however, when they knew that we have a discount in philhealth (Mom used my philhealth) she got angry! Excuse me? It's my philhealth dba? Actually they really need to provide all our bill because it's her son's fault. Our bill in hospital: 44,425Php with discount.. only 20k+ has been charged. So, si mama dahil maawain sya, sinabi nalang nia na bayaran ung 20k+ namin. But then, after madischarged and some checkUps the mother of ALBERT IBAJO TORRES, Tess is her name (I dont know the whole name) provides the fee for checkUps and continued to pay the balance for the bill. Pero when we came back for my 3rd month of checkUp, nagbago ang lahat, nagtry si mama to reach her, tinawagan nia sa fone but she didn't answer until my mom decided to call her in the house of where she works as "Kasambahay" But things changed! She was angry and told my mom "Mag-antay ka. Kase wala nga akong pera diba?" sabi naman ni mama "Ano, mag-aantay ako? Nag-usap tayo ha, nagpirmahan pero hindi kayo tumutupad! Idedemanda ko kayo." then she fought "sge idemanda niyo!" My mom was triggered by that. So afterwards we filed a case and after some wks a subpoena came to our house pero nung pmnta kami sa 1st hearing di sla pumunta. Tinamad nadn kami kase parang wala din mangyayari. Mahirap pa magAsikaso dahil we're from TONDO then the case we should arrange is in QC pa. Nangibabaw dn sa heart ni mama nalang yung yung awa kase dn may pamilya ung nakabangga saken. sabi nga sa bible *ROMANS 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.* Pero kinaayawan ko lang doon dahil matapang pa siya, matapang pa siya ipaglaban na hindi kasalanan ng anak nia yun. Well, kung sa tutuusin, pinagtataka ko nun dapat jeep or yung taxi ang mauuna kase sa case na yun. Asa right side ako patawid, yung arrangement nila from right to left is JEEP—TAXI—SINGLE MOTOR of Albert Ibajo Torres. Ibig sabihin po talaga, he was driving more than the required limit. He's motor really broke down when I see the pictures from the MMDA. From that time na matapang pa si ate tess, we never contact them and asked for help at hingiin pa yung balance ng bill. We just asked the Lord na siya na ang bahala sa pamilya nila. Sa therapy ko, sa hanggang sa makalakad ako, wala naman sila naitulong e actually hanggang doon lang sila. Walang palabra dehonor e. God said also in: PROVERBS 3:8📖 Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones. ✔ In addition, I should look forward now because I conquered everything! I'am now strong woman. I wanna thank all of you — Nagpapasalamat ako sa ninang ko, ninang EMILY AGASID for helping without hesitation lalo na financially, she was really a blessing to me sa family namin. I pray to God na icontinue sia ibless sa family nia rin and business nia. I also thank my DEAREST PHYSICAL THERAPIST, Mam Nikko, for helping me to step up again and be confident in every walk of my life. Hihihi. Thank you din sa mga friends ko na pumunta saken nung asa hospital ako napakarami niyo. most esp. Ronny, Rose, Ate Roch, Ram (2wks ako sa hospital, 2wks din sla dumuty saken. iloveyou guys ☺☺☺) Thankyou for being with me guys and gals — AU FRIENDS AND MGA KA-INTERN FRIENDS KO and other church friends ☺☺☺ PS: sa mga friends ko na malayo na chinat ako to send prayers and support. So many to mention, thank you po talaga 😍 Also din po sa CLGF Family for being there and praying for me too. Sa mga other relatives ko na dumalaw din esp. Tita Ana, Tito July, Tita Achie, Tito Angelo and her wife. Maging sa tita kong pastor, tita Josie sa pagbabantay din saken sa ospital. Kay Ninang Theresa Cordero, Ptra. Mercy. Salamat sa prayers po. Thank you dn po sa NKTI Family Thank you sa pagpunta niyo po that time saken; esp. sa mga Senior Staff and CMT namin. Sa EAMC Family, mga staffs ko doon for helping me. Sa mga kapatid ko, Ate Joy (emotionally and financially) at Ejboy (sa pagpapasaya saken) kay mama at papa kong mahal. Sa pagmamahal at pagpapalakas saken lalo na sa mama ko na walang sawa nag-aalaga saken hanggang sa ngayon, samin magkakapatid. ❤❤❤ Especially my boyfriend who helped me until now bearing with me. Mostly sa time na naisip ko nahuhuli na ako dahil wala pa ako experience sa lab work yung tipong isang taon na akong medtech pero wala parin akong nagagawa, frustrations ko bilang medtech na wala parin akong kwenta.. salamat, pinalalakas mo loob ko lalo na sa pagsama mo sa mga laban ko sa buhay. Alam ko maraming nawala saken na chance this 2017 but Inlook forward na sa 2018 everything will change (as what you say din). Salamat din kahit napakadami ko ng stitches sa katawan ko, you always tell me parin na "Im the most beautiful girl." And the scars are just marked how strong I'am. ❤ Thank God he gave me you. Thank you for being patient and supportive to me. iloveyou babe, iloveyou always and forever. And most of all, I thank the Lord God Almighty, for giving me this 4th life since the day I was born and suffered lot of operation and life & death situation. I thank the Lord for comforting me and continuing to heal me physically, emotionally and my health issues. I LOVE YOU LORD. Your mercy endures forever. The Grace of the Lord is sufficient to me. ❤❤❤ All glory belongs to the Lord. Hallelujah. Amen! I've wrote this as an open-letter to everybody, to show how good still is the Lord despite nagkukulang tayo sa Kaniya, and I wanted to show how awesome is the Lord with his miracles in my life. ☝ I DECLARE BLESSINGS TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE READ MY LIVING TESTIMONY. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A BOUNTIFUL NEW YEAR! 🎆🎆🎆🎁🎄🎊🎊🎊 PS: Thank you sa naging best bud ko for 6months. My yellow crutch. A thing I leaned on sa road to learn to walk (again hihi 😁). ✨

1 note · View note

sereinxa · 7 years

Text

Sometimes, you need to get out. You need to breathe fresh (well, not so fresh. duh. polusyon sa Pinas) air to help you think and sort things out.

Sometimes you have to talk it out to people who had been in your place. Dahil lahat ng to ay bago sayo. If not new, then something you haven’t felt this intense in such a long time.

Sometimes you just need to talk to people, and the wonders come there. Last night, I was talking to my best friend. Pinagusapan namin is more about her. Her life there, how it changed her, her stand on love, on all sorts of things. And she just.. blurts out words that she doesn’t know made me realize things.

(and sometimes, you just have to remember that there’s your best friend. tapos yung marinig mo sa kanya na “best friend naman kita diba? I trust you” it felt so so so great.

and I trust you too. And I wish I could tell you things. And I will. Di lang muna ngayon. I need to sort this out myself.)

Lahat ng ito ay bago. As in, never in my whole life had I imagined that I’d feel this way. Pero like what they say, it will come when you least expect it. And it has, and still leaves me dumbfounded. Tapos yung mismong situation is so surreal and just... different. Out of norm. Pero yung totoo, wala akong pakialam. I’ve never considered it anyway. Or at least not now. Kasi parang para sakin, gusto ko mag focus sa kung ano nararamdaman ko.

Pero mahirap pala.

Mahirap mag focus, kasi in the long run maiisip mo itong buong ordeal na ito in a larger scale. Kasi ang dami dami daming nakasabit sa pakiramdam na to. Society. People. People who can judge you. Hindi lang yon. Pamilya. Anong iisipin nila. Sabi nila wag mo iisipin kung anong iisipin nila kasi buhay mo to, pero hindi madali yon. Kasi buhay ko nga ito at parte sila nun. And I’m their last hope. Well. Sort of. But this is not really one of the issues eh. A small part lang. Pano yung kabila. It’s dead end eh, if you’ll come to think of it. Para sakin. Baka para sa kanya rin.

Naisip ko tong naiisip ko. Pero naisip ko rin, bakit ako nagfofocus sa hinaharap when the greater problem lies in the present?

Yun na nga eh, yung pinakamalaking problema is yung ngayon. Parang makasarili ako na gusto ko i assert yung nararamdaman ko. Why? Kasi sobrang sakit. I mean. Hindi naman unang beses to. I’ve had many of these. If we trace it back dun sa ugok na iniwan ako para sa ex nya HAHAHA tapos maintained constant communication after na ginawa akong sponge ng mga hinanakit nya tungkol sa mga babae nya. Natiis ko yon. Di ko lubos maisip pero natis ko yun. Yung sakit ng pagkwento nya kung paano nya ako pinagpalit sa ex nya. Yung sakit na he slams on your face na mahal nya yung gerla na yun and that she’s the only one na nagpaiyak sa kanya. Ang gago talaga. Haha. Okay I am reminiscing my hate but… tiniis ko. Natiis ko. Tapos naisip ko mas minahal ko sya non. Kahit di naman nya (at never. The fucker even admitted it himself) ako minahal. Nangyari na rin to ulit, nung isang kaibigan na masyadong soft at mabait at syempre etong si gerl nyo marupok XD so all things na ginawa nya, nanlambot yung puso mo. Actions without words is the same as words without action. Pero ayun, diba for how many months, nagkaroon ako ng feelings sa kanya pero basura lang pala.

Dami kwento haha but the thing is, hindi ito unang beses na naramdaman ko na parang ako lang yung nakakaramdam nito. Oo. ‘parang’. Kasi sa totoo lang. hindi ko alam kung ano nararamdaman nya. Kung meron nga ba. Blurred lines. Smudged greatly. For me, ganon yung nakikita ko. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung meron din bang nararamdaman. Pero sa loob loob ko parang meron. Parang meron pero ang tanong, para sa akin ba? Gusto ko umasa eh. Naghahanap ako ng signs. Parang meron pero magulo. Hindi ko alam. Ayoko mag assume. I’ve been there and it has done so much on me. Ayoko na maulit, Kasi masasaktan na naman ako. Pero ano, syempre hindi ko pa rin maiwasan mag assume. Kasi wala eh. Nag assume ka kasi yun sana yung gusto mong mangyari

Pero habang nasa byahe ako kahapon (and people beside me probably thought I was fucking weird), sobrang nagluluha ako. I try na iweigh yung things. Kasi sobrang sakit na. What do we call this, despair? I think. Sobrang nahihirapan na ako kakaisip. Kasi bawat oras naiisip ko. Bawat oras nasasaktan ako. It’s not healthy. Kasi sobrang gulo na nga ng buhay ko, sobrang gulo na rin ng pagtulog ko. Umaga na parati natutulog. Pero magigising ako tapos iisipin kita. Tapos hindi ako makatulog so nagpapakalulong ako sa nararamdaman ko, pati sa mga iyak hanggang sa mapagod ako. Pag gising sa umaga, maiisip ko na naman. Tapos hindi ako makapagfunction ng maayos. Kakaisip. Tapos onting isip lang maiiyak na naman. I tried distraction. Nagiisip ng happy thoughts. Shallow ones. Pero dumating sa point na nakangiti ka pero bagsak yung loob mo. Even smiling hurts. Dito ko naisip na, iba na to. Seryosong iba na. Hindi na talaga maganda.

So kailangan nang bigyan ng aksyon to. Ganito kasi yan. It’s either I am in vain. Or meron din. Pero naisip ko either way, masasaktan at masasaktan ako. Sabihin nating oo, meron. Anong mangyayari pagkatapos? Pero ang pinakaimportante, ano naman kung pareho pala ng nararamdaman pero parehong takot sabihin? O kung masabi man, anong mangyayari? Sabihin nating ako lang pala ang nakakadama, ganoon din. Masakit din. Parehong masakit. It’s a dead end talaga. Walang takas sa sakit. Pero diba, ganoon naman talaga? It’s inevitable. So kailangan mo piliin yung way na hindi ka na mawawasak.

Kasi gusto ko nang matigil. Or better yet, gusto ko nalang mawala nalang and magpanggap na walang nangyari. Reset. Back to zero. This is the best way. Pero impossible. So, what to do?

Let it stop. Wait for it to stop. If it will stop. And in the process, subukan ayusin ang sarili ko. Kasi kahit anong mangyari masasaktan naman ako eh. So I should equip myself with proper defenses to not make me crumble. Palakasin ang sarili para kayanin lahat ng sakit. Hanggang sa di na sya masakit. Hanggang sa matanggap ko siguro. Sanayin ko nalang sarili ko ng ganito. Wag na umasa. Wag na mag-assume. Ganoon nalang siguro.

( but somewhere at the back of my mind, sana may ibang way. Sana meron, yung masaya naman. Yung inaassume ko)

Maybe this time, I need to focus on myself muna. Piece myself. Sabi ko nga, kaya siguro hindi ako makapagcommit sa isang relasyon, or anything na may emotional attachment kasi magulo buhay ko. Kailangan ko muna ayusin. Siguro ngayon na yung time na yun. Ayusin ang sarili while I anesthetize myself (penge lidocaine, propofol na rin HAHA). Hanggang sa maging okay na ulit ako. Hanggang sa tatawanan ko na lang kung gaano ako kawasak at kabaliw ngayon. Hanggang sa ngingitian ko na lang to, and tell to myself… It was a painful, but a beautiful memory.

Three days. Tatlong araw nalang, di ko na imagine na weeks before my birthday I will be a mess like this. Pero baka may dahilan nito. Baka kasi kailangan ko nga iangat sarili ko. Mag mature. Learn all these deeper lessons in life before ako tumungtong ng 28. And within these three days, I shall rebuild myself.

Self-care. This will start today. Yung sakit ko, isang buwan na. Alam ko yung implication ng symptoms ko. Syempre natatakot ako. They say nurses are the worst patients. It can never be truer. Kasi may alam ako, at kahit alam ko, I still dismiss it. Sinasawalangbahala ko lang. Puyat pa rin. So isang buwan na akong di gumagaling. Kahit na everyday my parents are urging me to have it checked already. Kasi pasaway ako. (kasi takot ako. Pano kung oo? Pano kung may scarring na? pano ako aalis nyan?). Sucks to be a coward at everything. Pero kung di ko aagapan, ano mangyayari sakin?? Lalala lang diba? So yes. Later pupunta na ako sa doctor. Get an Xray. (ayoko ng sputum sample chenes kasi natatakot pa rin ako.). Inom ng gamot kung kailangan. (Kasi nakakasawa na umubo ng one month. Nakakasawa na rin yung vomiting episodes once a week. Ngayon ko narealize na sobrang nakakapanlumo yung feeling na nagsusuka. feeling ko sobrang helpless and fragile ko.) Antibiotics would work. I hate it but I must. Di na kaya ng Vitamin C at water therapy to. Matutulog na rin ng maaga. Or at least try. For my health and sanity.

I think I need to get my massage too. I keep on forgetting to book an appointment. But that’s one of the best relaxation I can have. Kasi naghahanap ako lagi ng kasama, pero there are things you need to learn to do yourself. And you’d learn a lot being with just yourself. (sobrang thank you tol sa message mo!) Siguro if I have spare, go to a coffee shop. Relax my mind. Read a good book. Stare at the window. Go to a salon. Tabasin na ang buhok. Kasi di ko alam kung patay na ba yung buhok ko or sign of depression yung pagtangle ng hair ko dahil hindi ako nagsusuklay. Pero parang nakaugalian ko na un eh. Make a big change to get over something. Create a new you. Then kinabukasan, samahan si mommy sa market. Mamili for the bday dinner. Get tons of fruits. Naisip ko dati bonding namin ni mommy mamalengke. But I kept on being a stupid daughter na hinahayaan lang si mommy mag-isa kahit sobrang bigat ng dala. That should change. Tsaka refreshing mamalengke minsan. On Thursday, have a date with my dearest friend. Talk about life. Exchange thoughts, watch a good local film. Tapos uwi at magluto. Celebrate with family. Di man kami kumpleto, (Atsie and Kuya at work, Dad in Australia) I have my mom and my baby brothers. It’s okay. It’s quite sad but it’s okay. On Friday, siguro pahinga. Next week, meet up with best friend, do all fun things. Tapos mag ayos at magprepare para sa trabaho. Maghanap ng trabaho. Study again. Gaaad my knowledge has been so rusty na. VS nalang ata alam ko gawin. XD So need to read again. Study again.

Para naman bago matapos ang taon na to, sana okay na ako.

Ang daling sabihin. Alam ko. Ang daling isulat dito. Pero alam ko, alam na alam ko sa sarili ko na mahirap gawin lahat ng to. Pero all you have to do is try. Say it until it actually happens. Until you make it happen.

Kaya to. Kaya natin to.

I welcome myself to the fucked up adult world. You just wait. You can fuck me up in all ways possible, but my resilience will win against you.

0 notes