#Some stuff that's been laying around
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#Some stuff that's been laying around#the quarry#my art#ryan erzahler#dylan lenivy#rylan#radioheads#they are so dear to me#👉👈🥴
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bleh
#hi all. lucy here#i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to#like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno#i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally#like the funnier i was the worse i was doing#ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability#i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like#oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it#but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore#i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself#this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained
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I'm amused people dug up this post yesterday when i have been also shuffling things around in the background--
I've been planning of setting up a small preorder run for charms (limited as to not overwhelm myself) and these are one of the options i've been leaning into. ive sold them before locally and here's a sample of it. they're double sided with the bloody side at the back.
other stuff I'm digging for this are old persona charms/stands I'm still fond of (probably one of the akiham and ryuji ones) but I'm open to suggestions especially people have been requesting for prints for years. I'm not sure if I'll do prints but hearing out which ones you guys specifically want (prints or otherwise) will help me weigh what options I'll end up with!
feel free to message me or reply to this post and I'll consider it! thanks!!
#this is a good chance for those who've been waiting to buy stuff from me lord knows ive only sold my shit 3 or 4 times#the past few years outside of group/zine projects#if these go well i might be inclined to finish the rest of the kingsman sees squad wips ive had laying around for years#but i hold no promises#ill probs make a poll at some point to finalize but we'll see what suggestions i get#btw ive had that hamuko for like 3 years she is still going strong and protecting my keys
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I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol
#sculpture#ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything#into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol#items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on#anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom.#fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig.#I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft#WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet#but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm#but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets#at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal..#anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe#The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside#that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue#and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them.#It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell#the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm#I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition#OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting#tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol
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hey younger ppl who grew up with strict parents, i want to share something really lovely with you that i didn't really learn myself until this year.
you do NOT have to clean ur house when u have guests over. like yeah pickup anything particularly embarrassing but have you not felt more welcomed, happy and cozy when you visited a friend's home and saw Stuff everywhere? is it not more inviting to enter a home that looks and feels very Lived In? do you not feel self-conscious about contributing to any sort of mess in a home so clean and organized it feels sterile?
Don't feel the need to keep this weird facade ingrained into us that your place needs to look perfect in order for you to hang out - just invite people over! Let them see what you're about, let the Environmental Storytelling™ do some work! i promise you it's very charming being able To See what you do and enjoy.
it took way longer than it should've for me to accept this and it's been GREAT. i don't dread the deep cleaning that having a guest used to entail because nowhere near that amount of work is necessary to hang out anymore - and I think everyone deserves to know that they don't have to work so dang hard for something that's really so so simple.
#like. lol the ppl I've enjoyed visiting the most are those friends whose place is so messy it's basically like “pick a pile to sit on😼”#i sure as fuck will!! thank u (✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) i don't b having piles but i do leave some stuff out n around n whatnot.#i was in a 6yr relationship n my ex was very WE NEED TO CLEAN when we'd have ppl over once in a blue moon and like (´-﹏-`；)#she was raised that way ‚ i was raised that way. I'm assuming we both sorta internalized that from our parents but i made#a friend this yr whose home is SUPER cozy and lived in and cluttered w stuff and i absolutely love it. it's like a visual stim.#but idk also kinda feels like laying urself bare yk? i won't go on a whole (... other) rant about it but yeah i was so happy after my visit#that i just felt like I Too can have a cozy very lived in home - and not stress about perfection and appearances n just hang!#and yeah I've been this way long enough that I'm starting to realize a perfectly cleaned home feels very sterile.#there's an air about it that feels like u can't rly move around or makes u afraid to make any sort of mess and idk??#NO MORE STERILE HOUSES BE URSELF!! LAY IT BARE FOR YOUR GUESTS TO SEE!!
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i dont wanna do anything today !!!!!!!!!!!!!
#i dont HAVE to do anything really but id like to do some stuff#i feel like ive just been laying around ugh#i did do laundry and clean up my room#and repainted a layer on my painting and talked with a friend#but like.. what else am i supposed to do#you know?#ive been trying to draw but im just at like 30% today#maybe i need to go get coffee or something#man idk#personal
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Philippus? Wym philippus this is a wholeass other woman?????? She's white?????? Guys come on now
ALSO cursed white Euboea in this same sequence.... homeboy she's Asian please stop
Joe Phillips I'm sorry but this is some shitty ass guest pencilling how can you not know anything abt what these people look like thats literally your job... you also just needed to read the issue before this to know?
Editors should have caught this one these are major Amazon characters
#also i did a quick wiki check for one thing and basically confirmed that i was right about this entire arc so i win i guess 💪💪💪💪#like “the amazons are starting some crazy murder shit!” are they really now. which amazons may i ask? are you sure its not the bana-#oh yep its the baba mighdall. well then. TOTALLY didnt see this coming (said w love)#i mean its like maybe im being perceptive but they literally showed two of them in their armor and had one say phthia aka one of the#founders of the bana. like okay i had to do a wiki to check that and obvi id know slightly more than a pérez run reader abt them#(but not much honestly ive read the same stuff they wouldve just plus some fandom osmosis/knowing who artemis is) but i digress. do think he#maybe could have put showing them off but i understand the motive of not wanting readers to go months thinking the amazons were chopping#ppls heads off. but they could have teased the mind control red herring (probably? think it was a red herring although it could pop back up#the arc is still ongoing) a little bit more considering weve had dr psycho starting shit for the past 4 (at LEAST) issues but well whatever#anyways the pencilling on this one needed help like its not even a coloring issue at the core of it its legit this guest guy drawing#totally different people... very lame#anyways maybe im too quick to blame it all on the bana i am only halfway through the arc#like i do think it is the bana. i think thats the answer. but again dr psycho IS causing problems and theres been hints of the cheetah being#involved (“animal attack” killings + a shot of her in arkham) AND circe was namedropped (although now we know it was dr psycho) but im still#slightly suspicious bc there seems to be possesed animals... like they are v much laying different hints and pathways here#but i think its the bana. i think its psycho fucking around and also the bana and MAYBE a psycho controlled cheetah or the bana mimicing her#patterns. or are the bana even there if psychos involved??? he could just be fucking around then- okay you know what. maybe im less sure of#this than i thought and should just read more. wait but how would psycho even know about the bana to have ppl hallucinate hed just use the#themyscirans-- okay i need to read more im getting distracted. the bana are definitely involved though im calling it. its them and maybe#psycho. and maybe cheetah. and maybe circe but likely not bc we already established that was a false lead. unless that was also a trick. and#WHAT ABT ARES ALL THE STOLEN ARTIFACTS HAD TO DO WITH WAR--#.... guys im losing it. fuck it im saying its all giganta and calling it a day i cant do this#no but i love how this mystery is set up its like they just dropped clues for every single ww villain onto it and said “here. good luck.”#this is before the big ww crossover too so it could actually be all of them im losing my mind here. WHO IS IT#ive twisted myself in a circle here i dont know anything now. only that i did call it if it was the bana. or if theres mind control or smth#sus about heracles cup. i also called that although its seeming less and less likely now that the bana and psycho are likely involved. and#maybe cheetah. and circe. and ares. guys im falling apart here#what was the point of this post then? oh shitty guest pencilling and editor flops. the editor flop part i can understand im sure they were#busy even if this is a big thing to miss imo. the penciller though is just silly come on now. someone should have caught that. anyways--#swishy liveblogs
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ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.
months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.
#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant)#while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember#usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun#because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die#however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again#so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave#its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad.#i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low#because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in#and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening#i want to scream.#i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care#the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white#hhh.#chronic illness#chronic migraine#and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement#or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body#i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry#at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough#like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it#but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier#im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward#literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit.#so its a catch-22.#vent
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had to lay down. woke up at nearly 7am. got overwhelmed by our sleep schedule once again being fucked because yesterday we actually went to bed at roughly the right time and thought "oh this is great we've fixed it". decided that we're just gonna deal with it and it'll be fine. and then our brain decided that no actually we're gonna have a combination of emotions that's maybe gonna give me another breakdown if I can't figure out how to deal with them but I have no fucking clue what to do with them
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I fucking hate this. we barely did anything yesterday because we were too fatigued and then slept at a weird time#and we're still too fatigued to do much and we need to do the stuff we'd normally do before bed#and by the time we've done that we'll probably need to nap because we will feel so much worse if we don't#and I don't want to have to try and fit my whole day around trying to fix my sleep schedule but once again what else do I fucking do#and the whole last month has been like this over and over and it's because we got covid in February and have been way more fatigued#so we have to keep laying down and when we do that we just pass the fuck out#also waking up at like 7am (shortly before what should be our bedtime) leads to us feeling really sick#the way we used to feel when we had to get up early for college. like our body can't handle it and makes us feel like shit#and to top it all off the emotional shit I'm dealing with has nothing to do with this and it just another overwhelming thing on top of it#dysphoria and homesickness my fucking beloathed#I just want to be awake at the right time and have a nice stress free day and feel relaxed for once#like we keep trying to take time to relax and set aside time to do something fun and relieve some stress#and we still end up just as stressed and when we decided to spend a whole day just trying to relax we just ended up even more anxious#I'm so fucking tired. just let me sleep at the right time. just let me fucking relax for once in my life
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i made korean tacos for dinner (no recipe just vibes + what i had in the fridge) and they were unbelievably delicious. my god.
#with a lil hazy ipa on the side!!!!!!#i forgot how EASY and GOOD tacos are to just have fun with.#for the curious: i picked up some stir fry beef at the store and while i chopped cilantro/onion/radish/cukes i let it sit in a combo of:#gochujang + fish sauce + rice vinegar (a dash) + garlic + chili powder + cumin + black pepper + salt + lime juice + onion powder#(just a bunch of stuff i had laying around - use what you have or can get)#then after the veggies were chopped and ready to go i tossed all the meat in a wok and cooked it up#THEN after pulling out the meat i threw a couple tortillas in the wok one at a time and sprinkled some cheese on one side to melt and get#a lil crispy...and also mixed some mayo + sriracha into a sauce for drizzling#(i would've used sour cream instead of mayo if i'd had any but mine was bad T-T)#also i'm out if kimchi or i would've put that on top too. god that would've been so good. i'm kinda mad abt it#anyway then i filled the tortillas with the meat + cilantro + onion + cucumber + radish and drizzled on some sauce.#divine. transcendent. revelatory.#i absolutely love how well korean (honestly a lot of different asian) seasonings and flavor profiles pair with mexican foods and flavors.#CULINARY SYNERGY!!!!#i know this is not a new observation but it still brings me joy every time i remember#anyway fair warning i like spicy food so this is spicy. obviously.
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ok but has a man ever told you you have a dainty rook piercing area? i don't think so 😌
#you can't go around calling parts of me dainty even if it's in the most casual professional sense i'll blush#well dainty is the best translation for the word he used (siro) bc dainty doesnt really feel the same as siro even tho they mean the same t#hing#anyways i got my rook piercing today! it went well and besides being hot the piercer was so nice and professional and i really liked#the piercing shop and will get all my future piercings done there as well#it was a very nice safe feeling enironment. safe as in. i wasnt stressed about myself bc the piercer had a pride sticker on a bottle#also like all piercers explain what theyre doing as theyre doing the stuff but he was doing it extra well#also jfc i can never again get a rook piercing bc the experience of laying down facing an extremely attractive man#while he leans over you to penetrate your skin is. well. you can guess how i felt about it#also my bestie got some lobe piercings and they look very cute on her!#and she got some kind of a discount thing for bringing a new person to the shop#leevi talks#im sorry to everyone who has ever worked anywhere where they had to lean over me i cant help getting a mild crush#though i used to work as an amusement park ride operator so ive been on the both sides of this and idc i was just doing my job#and its normal to get a little crush on someone even if theyre just doing their job as long as you dont say anything about it
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Fun thing about cleaning my room is I’ll find something I was using like a week ago buried deep under my bed in a pile of old receipts and candy wrappers and then also find something I haven’t seen in MONTHS like right there sitting exposed on the floor
#don’t understand this#Im so close to getting this room the most organized that it’s been since I moved in a year ago#but i gotta clean the junk out from underneath my bed and somehow that’s worse than everything else I’ve done#all motivation i had last week as disappeared this week#but i got a new shelf set up to put stuff that was laying around the floor on#i got my books all neatly lined up on the bookshelf I’ve had for months but had only put random junk on instead#got my earrings all sorted and put away except the ones missing their twin#which are set aside until they are matched#finally hung up my whiteboard calendar and got the dates down#not that I have anything going on I really need a calendar for lmao#but It’s magnetic so i departed it with some magnets and now I actually have some decoration in here aside from my eras poster#all my clothes are organized and anything I don’t wear is put in bins for me to shove against the wall#until they can hopefully one day be put in storage#for me to have when I hopefully one day move out and actually have use for party clothes#after a whole year of being in this room it actually feels lived in rather than just a storage room with a futon#It’s still half a storage room but it’s also now half me#unfortunately my shelf is cheap and the hooks can’t bare the weight of my jackets even with gorilla tape#so this weekend I gotta try to figure out what to do about that#need something stronger to support the weight#or maybe just more gorilla tape lol#anyways not that anyone is reading this but it is 3am and I can’t sleep so I decided to clean#but i think I’m just gonna read#or maybe play the sims#or maybe continúe to sit ln the floor mindlessly scrolling through tumblr
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i rlly have been enjoying dressing more “girly” and feminine the past few months :]
#i like my little skirts and my cute little shoes and my purses and my jewelry#i like doing my nails and putting cute things in my hair#i still don’t rlly wear makeup but every so often i put on a little eye makeup just for funsies and i’m always so pleased with how it looks#i think it’s rlly helped with my confidence tbh#i’ve always just not put much effort in my appearance#a lot of times i still prefer to just lay around in sweatpants and a hoodie still#but!! i really like days when i dress up all pretty i always have so much fun!#for the longest time i just. didn’t think i was the kind of person who could look like that i had no interest in being especially feminine#not even a gender thing i just didn’t rlly care abt my appearance much#but i decided to try different clothes and just slowly try some of the things i never thought i could or cared to wear#and i’ve been having fun! really!#i still have days i just stay in pajamas or don’t bother brushing my hair and stuff#and i’ll go run errands like that 💀#but i enjoy dressing up when i can :3 it’s fun im having sooo much fun#snow.txt
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getting really attached to the idea of living in my little apartment forever actually.//.
#imjustsittinghere#i know iv complained about this apartment alot but i think i could make it really nice if i tried#been thinking about moving a bunch n stuff cause i thought my roomie was moving out in the summer but apparently not#was also just playing around with the idea that if he does move out id just rent the whole thing for myself if i get my promotion#n that still sounds like a really fun n cool idea#literally 1 bedrooms in the city are like 2000$ anyway and we pay 1900 here so like.. i could have two bedrooms lol#keep mine as a bedroom as is cause its cozy n nice in here#turn my roommates room into a nice living room . like i already know how id lay it out#turn the space we currently have as a lil living room/my sewing space into an actual just nice little workspace maybe#and i was flipping through my zines just now and i have one from billie about making a darkroom and now im thinking how easy it would#be to turn our weird little grotto thing into a really nice lil darkroom for developing film.......#wouldnt that be sick.. i know so many people who shoot film i could develop and do prints for people#like yeah that little grotto flooded literally yesterday cause of a storm but i think i could improve upon the space alot#of course cant really move on this cause my roommate is presumably still gonna be living here for a while (two years most likely)#but smthn to think about. in the meantime im working on getting a new couch for our tiny living room so its at least a nice spot#i was rearranging some stuff the other night n i think im gonna add some shelves n make it alot cozier of a space#or maybe ill end up moving who knows!#anyway interview for my promotion on monday wish me luck my loves <3
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...
#bleh brian is not working. too much static#can't focus. i should sleep bc i gotta meet my boss at 8#but things i will also do tomorrow: call my fucking insurance to figure out how to use it#bc i have weird out of state insurance from my mum so like idk. but i gotta do it bc im gonna try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist#bc my brain needs psychiatric attention lol#but also the lab mate i went sampling with today recently got diagnosed with adhd and gave me the name of the plsce#and i was like tell me what ur symptoms r like. and like if i have adhd it would b the plot twist of my life#but also i have horrible horrible executive dysfunction issues and related to a lotta what she said so idk#its just that i guess adhd has always been framed around not being able to meet deadlines in school and stuff#and im like nah im good at meeting deadlines. im horriblly anxious and compulsive so i dont forget or miss deadlines or dates#but my apartment and life out of school are in shambles bc i just originated around one draining focus#and i just lay in bed and cry bc i cant clean my fucking apartment and my sink is becoming obstructed by clothes that for some reason i#cant move? like fucking i dont kno. i tend to associate my broken brain stuff to dyslexia#bc when i was tested they were like lol ur short term memory is fucking awful. very below average lmao#so i was like oh my brain is not wired right. cool. but i dunno. i just need someone to assess my brain and tell me what's wrong with it#like i dunno im still doubtful of adhd as the source but its at least more convincingly on my radar. i will doubt until i have a diagnosis#in hand lol. but gotta find psychiatrist 1st. so gotta call tomorrow#it will happen. i will make it happen#unless the day goes off thr rails lol#unrelated
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I am feeling SO glum because I'm sick and drained of energy and just laying around and my boyfriend's out of state til tomorrow night and it's fucking LONELY laying here on my couch with a headache and a throat made of sandpaper
#i want to do things around the house! managed to hang up a new shower curtain liner today#and threw out some spoiled stuff and other garbage. i put dirty dishes into the dishwasher#i've been drying the bathmats because one of the cats got shit on them overnight andni had to wash both???#even made myself a very easy but filling meal of frozen chicken nuggets lmao#but i want to cook beans and rice for my lunches this week. do a lod of laundry. maybe tidy up#but it all sounds sooo exhausting because having a cold does that to the body#i'm just so restless!!! i'm close to putting out a call for help on f*cebook for people i know in my area#bc i need help getting out the door to buy kn95 masks and a couple grocery things!#feels like my brain is liquefying. laying down and restinf doesn't feel helpful becausw#everything huets a little. i want to make tea with honey for my throat but ughh i'd have to leave the couch#pls help me emotionally idk what to do with myself
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