#Sometimes I have dreams where some kind of hard time is coming and half of the people I know decide to leave on emergency spaceships

[birchbow]

Might’ve missed this in my first read through, but I remembered gamzee’s narration mentioning that goatdad died some time before gamzee was conscripted, but do we know what happened to crabdad? Sorry if you’ve answered this question before!

I've been working on the assumption that if your lusus is still around by conscription time, you're expected to leave them on-planet unless they're like, very small and docile OR useful as some kind of war-mount/weapon. Tavros could get away with bringing a tiny little fairybull with him if he wanted, and I could imagine Nepeta and Equius even managing to bring Pounce and Arthour with them, but cramped quarters and dangerous, austere lifestyles would make it pretty hard to keep your lusus with you and alive.

Essentially I don't know if Crabdad is dead, but even if he's not he's presumably running wild and/or creeping back to the caverns to see if he can find another little mutant grub to take care of.

[genshin-squabbles-and-wobbles]

a headcanon where genshin bois broke up with you but saw you years later with thier child at 3 yeares old? Scara, xiao, zhongli and tighnari

Oh, you have an evil soul, I know that for sure. You want suffering, oh you drink my tears as coffee, I like you. I'll have fun with this one a bit. Also, sorry for the spelling errors, I try to fix them when I see them, however, I tend to type wayyy to fast. Or messy.

Scaramouche: ══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ════ ❀•°❀°•❀ ════ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

You guys broke up because at some point in the relationship, it was getting too overwhelming, and toxic.

Scaramouche outbursts or his snide remarks became a ticking time bomb for you.

It was hard for you to feel loved at this point, and apparently it was hard for him to show it because he wanted to be stubborn.

The breaking point was where you came to him, head to head, this was going to determine your break up with him.

"Say something nice about me, say you love me, say anything, please do anything." You were pleading. You didn't want to leave but, it was starting to get to you.

His response? "What is wrong with you? Are you some kind of child?"

That was it, you broke up with him. This made his jaw drop, of course he protested, he grabbed you a lot, yelled at you. But you finally got free and left him, you went into hiding because he wasn't going to give up.

Along the way, you found out that you were pregnant, with twin boys, with his kids. In your head, you are like "How???" since he is a puppet.

Years later, your two little boys are grown and they are playful happy innocent toddlers. They were holding your hands and laughing. They both had Scaramouche face, but a happy and child like face.

You were happy, until you backed up a tiny bit and bumped into someone. You turned and saw it was Scaramouche.

You immediately panicked and picked up both of your boys and held your weapon to his face.

"W-What is this...? Who are they??" He was angry already and confused. He didn't understand why there are two little him. Was he being replaced, by better versions of himself. He grabbed her shoulder and shook her and yelled at him.

"They're your sons!" You yelled and cried, You pushed him and took her books and ran away.

He was left behind stunned, after a few minutes, he clenched his hands into fist. If you want him to be apart of the twin's life, you need to be patient. He will take a while to come around, and he will be difficult about it.

However, when he does, he becomes the most protective father, he would shield them from the past he had. He would never abandon him, he would teach them his bad attitude as way for them to stand up for themselves.

He won't admit it, but he grew fond of his boys because he felt they were children, just as him, and they understood him despite not realizing it.

As for you though, he still has issues getting along with you and would pick fights with you. He is sometimes loving but you are a little drained.

Xiao ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──── ⋅✩

You guys broke up peacefully, you both agreed it was for the best, he can't provide for your mortal needs and you have nothing to offer a troubled Adepti

You two parted always peacefully.

A few months later, your belly was getting swollen, but you had no idea why, after all, there is no way you could give birth to a half adeptus and half mortal right?

Well surprising motha fucka, nature is fucked up.

You were surprised and stressed, you don't know how to take care of a baby who is half Yaksha. How do you handle Karmic Debt?

Like does he poop spirits or dreams?

Once you gave birth, you realized the little girl had his dad's Yaksha marks on her arm and his diamond on her forehead. She had his green hair.

Overtime, you ended up figuring it out, thanks to taking care of Xiao time to time, you are aware of the child's needs more than enough.

You are dealing with a teleporting Child who can throw a tantrum to the size of a stadium but you have your ways.

Years ahead, you were feeding your little girl food ordered from Wanshu inn. You wanted her to enjoy the best of the best.

What you didn't know is that Xiao was watching, he was horrified, one for that he isn't the only Yaksha anymore and moreso, that this little girl looked like him, had his demon slayer markings.

You let your little girl use the bathroom, as you waited outside for her, guarding the door to prevent anyone from entering. You wanted her to be more independent in public places, this was one way.

This was Xiao chance to catch you alone, he appeared in front of you, he was very close to you, and you jolted and got scared.

"Who....Who is that little girl?" He looked into your eyes, scared but wanted to know more.

You stuttered a bit. "U-Um..."

He comes closer to you where your chest his touching his chest. "Tell me now." He asked sternly. He was upset of course, because why did she never tell him? They never had much fights but he at least deserved to know.

You felt a hug on your leg and crying. "M-Mama!" It was your little girl. You immediately picked her up and began to comfort her. "Shh, it's okay, mommy is okay."

Xiao immediately backed away, guilt was heavy on his chest, he never meant to scare....her.

You sighed and showed her to him. "Little one, do you know who is this?"

Your little girl will mostly by shy and scared of him, and Xiao will immediately show sadness to this, however, with your encouragement, she would try her best to look at Xiao. "This is your father, sweeite."

Your little girl touches Xiao's face and Xiao blushes and smiles, as he can't help it when it comes to little hands on his face.

He was hesitant at first but, he gently put his hands up and looked at you for consent.

You nodded and smiled, he passed your little girl over to him, where your little girl became his too. Your little girl naturally snuggled into his neck, sucking her thumb as Xiao shushes and coo's her gently.

As soon as Xiao held this little girl, he immediately sworn to protect her with his life, and held her protectively. He looked at you and placed his arm around your back and pulled you in for a group hug.

He asked if he could talk to you on what he can do to fix the relationship with you, and what can he do more as a father. He immediately fell in love with you little girl and even if you don't get back together, he would often visit, with presents, he would take her with him when you need breaks. He is a good dad, with co parenting or not.

Zhongli ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You guys broke up because you just happened to not feel connected anymore. You guys just fell out.

You guys lived in differently eras and world and its hard to connect with him on some things.

You guys never really had a fight, but you used to talk everyday and now, you guys barely talk at all, touch each other or even just, try.

Zhongli brought this to your attention, and he isn’t a time waster, so and he doesn’t want to waste your time, so you guys broke up and moved on.

Until few months later, you found you that you were pregnant, you were in between telling him or not, but you realize that he is on vacation...he wants a break, so you kept this to yourself.

You raised his son by yourself, he looked exactly like you, but his powers are no doubt Zhongli's, and his dragon habits and nature as well.

You were eating out with your wonderful son, he was running around and saying hello to everyone until he ran into Zhongli. He bummed into Zhongli and fell back.

Zhongli looked down and offered a hand and kind smile. "Are you okay, little friend?" The little boy smiles cheerfully and took his hand and got up.

Once you came and bend your knees to check for wounds and see if he is okay, Zhongli was surprised and would greet you. You would greet him back and you would smile at him, while picking your son up.

However, once Zhongli saw the little boy do his dragon habits such as teething, or biting your shirt, he recognized it immediately.

At first he won't say anything and would act like nothing happen, he actually wait for you to reveal it.

However, once you didn't and you were gonna leave him, he immediately grabbed your shoulder, and will call you out. "This child...he is mine kin isn't he? Why weren't you willing to reveal this to me?"

Zhongli wants to be in this kid's life, he wants to pass down his knowledge and memories to him, he wants to teach him everything, this was new to him but he wants to be responsible.

Despite how harsh it is, a child between two lovers is a contract where they both need to parent, and he is happy to do it. He would really want to show his son the world and his victories.

Tighnari ── •✧• ──── •✧• ──── •✧• ──── •✧• ──

There would be two reason why you and Tighnari break up, one would be because he was too busy to even be in your life, and second would be that his scolding makes it hard for you to connect with him, as he was too nitpicky at the smallest things. This can be at small things such as how you handle things like chores, to bigger things like how you store items to quest to other things.

Things ended sadly, not miserable but, just it was sad and heartbreaking. It was hard to move on, the relationship you guys had was different but special.

You found out you were pregnant at a doctor check up one day, also because Sumeru had free healthcare so why not go to doctors as a hobby :)

You were freaking out, how do you take care of a fennec fox hybrid? What do they even eat? Should you only feed them veggies? Or feed them meat as well?

A lot of things were running in your head.

Years later, you got accustomed to your little girl, you groomed her tail and ears, and fed her what she liked.

You often go on walks in Sumeru forest, you wanted her to be in touch with her fox side. You want her to be free.

You patted her head, as you held her hand and walk, you stopped by a beautiful waterfall and watched. Your little girl was playing in the water.

Tighnari was behind you, stunned, he was processing, he already put two and two together, since he is a smartass from the smartass skool.

You turned around and jolted. "O-Oh, y-you are here..." You were startled.

It took him a few minutes to look at you and back at the little girl. His ears flopped a bit as she slowly pointed at the little girl speechless.

You sigh and nodded, knowing you can't outsmart him or lie to him.

You went to take your little girl's hand and brought her to him.

Tighnari kneeled down and took a good look at her, despite never meeting her, he knew, this little girl was his.

He would questioned and ask if you were a single mother and if you are seeing anyone, and would ask if maybe he can try being in her life, however he is just as busy, but he thought maybe take her on walks with him.

You were fine with it either way, you desire nothing from him though, if he wanted to be in your daughter's life, that's fine, but you want nothing to do with him.

He noticed this and felt conflicted.

Overtime, he would try and get you to trust him again, spend time with you and her as a family, but you would refuse and keep your distance.

Tighnari would be frustrated and sad over it, you can tell that his tail was losing hair, he understands why you refuse to take him back but Fennec Foxes mate for life.

It's in his nature, he wants to be dedicated to you, and he is becoming stressed from the rejection from you.

[7ndipity]

Dating Jungkook headcanons

Jungkook x Reader

Warnings: some swearing, a lil suggestive, I think that's it

A/N: Thank you to the lovely anon who requested this, I've never written a list like this before so it's a little scattered, sorry. Anyway I'm very soft for this man now, goodbye.

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Dating Jungkook is, for lack of a better word, messy. But like in all the best ways.

Late night hangouts when y'all can't sleep and you just end up at the local convenience store, eating snacks or whatever and talking until you notice the sun coming up.

I know I wrote a lil blurb abt it already, but karaoke dates are a regular occurrence. Doesn't matter if you can sing or not, y'all are just having a good time seeing who can hit the highest note(it's him, sorry)

He's one of those people whose friends probably tease cause he says "my s/o is my best friend". But he actually means it, you are his best friend.(I really feel like he would fall for a friend, but that's a discussion for a ot7 reaction I'm working on for next week👀)

Acts really cocky sometimes, but will fold like a house of cards(ha) into the softest boi at the slightest provocation from you.

He's fucking whipped for you, and he knows it.

Was so nervous to kiss you the first time that he legit backed out like three times before it finally happened.

Probably has some kind of nickname for you like "my light" or "my life."

But on the other hand, y'all also tease each other relentlessly, it's like a second love language with him.

Like he will sit there while you're trying to read or smth and poke your cheeks until he gets a reaction out of you.

Will make height jokes, even if you're only like 1in shorter than him.

"Tiny baby." He coos while patting your head. "I'm gonna climb up there and kill you." You warn. "So tiny, so precious."

But if he catches anyone else giving you a hard time about something, God help them.

Possessive(*cough perilla leaf debate)

Gives you his sweatshirts to wear because you look cute in them, but also loves that it's a subtle sign to anybody else that you're his.

This goes both ways though, he loves when you call him yours.

The first time you called him "your boyfriend", he legit short-circuited for a second.

Would probably have matching, macrame type couple bracelets that y'all made together for your second or third month anniversary.

Protective AF

Does that thing where he makes sure you walk on the inner half of the sidewalk when are you're out together, so you're protected from the street?

Not big on Pda exactly, but usually has an arm around you or is holding your hand. He doesn't even realize he's doing it sometimes, it's just kinda become a habit to have you close as much as possible.

He gets so little time with you as it is, so he just wants to make every second count.

When it's just the two of you though, he becomes a fucking koala and will NOT let you go.

Clings to you like his life depends on it.

Begs you to stay over all the time, swears that he can't sleep well unless you're next to him.

At this point, you might as well move in, half of your shit's at his place already anyway.

Looks at you like you're a literal dream.

Like some mornings when neither of you are really awake yet, you look over and he's just staring at you over your coffee mug like🥺

Loves to make you flustered tho

Like, if he notices you have a thing for his arms, he's gonna take every chance he can to roll his sleeves up in front of you just to see your face go red.

Randomly walks up to and gives you these deep, intense kisses and then? just fucking walks away as if nothing happened? Like, nuh-uh, get your ass back here and finish what you started sir!

Talks about your future together with such casual certainty. Like "when we get married, we should get a house like that".

Refers to Bam as your child.

Idk where I'm going with this or how to end it, so I'm just gonna stop here, but yeah. I just think he's neat lol.

[blouisparadise]

Today we have the fourth part of our hurt/comfort rec list for you! There are tons of amazing fics on this list that we hope you'll show some love to. If you missed the previous parts, you can find part one here, part two here, and part three here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Wanna Feel the Edges Start to Burn | Explicit | 6,111 words

Harry gives him a gentle smile. “Feeling a little bit better?” Louis nods tentatively. “I think so yeah. Thank you so much for being so kind, but you really didn’t need to do this.” He lifts his unfortunately still shaky hand and runs it haphazardly through his hair. “It was just a spilled tea, I totally overreacted. I’m a bit embarrassed to be honest.” Harry scoffs. “Are you kidding me? Don’t be. I saw the whole thing, that guy was way out of line. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Louis gives him what he’s sure is a watery smile. “Erm thank you. I wouldn’t normally admit this to a stranger, but you’ve already seen me cry today so what the hell?” He forces himself to let out a weak laugh. “The thing is, my period is due any day now and sometimes the birth control pills make my emotions go a little haywire. I think that’s what happened.”

2) To Love Without Reason | Explicit | 8,894 words

“Come on in, soldier,” Louis pats Harry’s chest and walks away, leaving Harry to follow behind. Harry stands in the living room, looking around at Louis’ dwelling. Family pictures placed high on a shelf, certificates of Louis’ practice, and other trinkets that make Harry entirely too nostalgic. “I have to warn you,” Louis says as he puts the kettle on, the water droplets from his hair trickling down the golden skin of his back. “The door jams if you lock it so you'll have to leave it ajar.” Harry acknowledges with a soft hum, too entranced by Louis’ glistening skin to form a coherent reply.

3) Wanna Do Nothing With You | Explicit | 9,606 words

The accident happens in the stupidest way possible. One minute Louis is demonstrating a skateboard trick he’d just learned for Lottie, the next he’s waking up in a hospital. He’s told that he wasn’t unconscious the entire ride, but he has absolutely no recollection of it. One second he’s fucking around in his own garden and the next he’s being assaulted with the strong sterile scent of a hospital. So. There’s that.

4) Let Me Be Your Good Night | Explicit | 10,520 words

Louis goes on a shit Valentines date and Harry's the cute waiter who takes him home

5) For The Love Of Biscuits | Mature | 16,574 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

The thing about hybrids is that their animal instincts make them jumpy. And quite often lends them to being owned. Harry Styles wasn't looking to purchase a half-breed. But sometimes things just happen. And owning a fox/human hybrid was something that happened.

6) Works Like A Charm | Explicit | 18,088 words

Ever since Louis joined the team in fifth year, a few facts have become set in stone. One: Louis is the best chaser in Hogwarts. Two: Harry is the best beater in Hogwarts. Three: They do not get along. So it’s really unfair of Liam to think that forcing them to spend time together as Louis recovers from his injury will make them the best of friends. The last thing Louis would do is get along with that git.

7) Soup Of The Day | Explicit | 19,958 words

It had been the single minded goal for them since college and seemed simple enough. 1. Study hard. 2. Open their dream restaurant. 3. Take the culinary world by storm. What could possibly go wrong?

8) Under The Rain Or Under The Snow | Explicit | 20,667 words

Christmas AU where they broke up a month ago but Harry shows up at Louis’ childhood home for the holidays. Louis didn’t tell his mum about their breakup so staying with them is not ideal. Harry stays.

9) Heart Eyes | Explicit | 21,467 words

Harry is a dedicated sentinel with a strong aversion to demons, and Louis is the lovesick incubus who will go to any lengths to win Harry's heart.

10) It Was All By Design (‘Cause I’m A Mastermind) | Explicit | 21,986 words

“You can’t be serious. You think I would be so awful to work for - you would rather quit?” “Don’t be all high and mighty about it,” Harry scoffs. “Surely you would do the same.” “I’m not being high and mighty. It’s called being professional.” “Really?” Harry pushes. “You’d work diligently under me with no complaints? You’d do whatever I asked of you?” “That would be my job, so yeah.” Harry shakes his head. “I’d work you so fucking hard,” he says slowly, “that you’d have to quit.”

11) Thrown To The Wolves | Explicit | 21,681 words

Louis is a human living in the Styles' wolf pack who can't stop getting into trouble, and Harry is the soon-to-be alpha who thinks keeping Louis at arm's length is the safest option.

12) Letters To June | Mature | 41,150 words

It's 1915, Europe is in the middle of the Great War. Omega Louis decides to join the Letter Home Project to become someone’s penfriend. Through this he meets a lovely soldier who hasn't got anyone else to send a letter to. Along with his letter, comes a picture of the most handsome alpha Louis has ever seen.

13) Catch Me If I Fall | Explicit | 47,099 words

Lovers when on the stage but bitter rivals as soon as they step off, Harry and Louis have butted heads from the moment they first met. Locked in a stalemate that they hope to ride out until graduation, things take a turn when Harry learns that Louis is hiding a secret.

14) As We Are | Explicit | 48,268 words

Louis doesn't think much when he's asked to meet up with the alpha of the pack two hours from his own - he figures it's business as usual. But Harry Styles is anything but usual.

15) Once Burnt, Twice Shy | Explicit | 52,644 words

Louis and Harry are polar opposites in every way. Where Louis is a bestselling author from the city, Harry is a small-town firefighter who’s never left his home. Where Louis is spontaneous and spirited, Harry is introverted and calm, never straying from routine. When an ill-fated accident and an exceptionally intelligent tabby bring them together, they are forced to confront their pasts and forge a better beginning for themselves. Will sparks fly, or will it all go up in flames?

16) Of Lost Things | Explicit | 57,890 words

Louis comes with a familiarity Harry has never felt with anyone else before. After their fateful meeting, their chemistry became undeniable, and soon after, Harry had felt like he hit the jackpot when it came to finding the person he would spend the rest of his life with. But all relationships come with their own unique problems, and Harry soon realizes that their relationship is no different. When their problems go from unordinary to nearly bizarre in nature, he takes it upon himself to find an answer to their troubles. What he stumbles upon are terrifying coincidences between his and Louis’ story, and the ill-fated mythological couple, Orpheus and Eury. But it’s all they are; just coincidences, ones that feel as frighteningly familiar as Louis. Except… what if none of this is a coincidence? What if everything Harry has always seen as fiction is true, and myth—or rather, history, is about to repeat itself?

17) Sink Into Your Sunlight | Explicit | 79,562 words

In the grand scheme of things Louis did believe in love, what he didn’t believe was that he would ever find it in his life time for himself. Low and behold he would find it with someone he didn’t anticipate, now it was just a matter of having it work out the way he dreamed of.

18) Invisible String | Explicit | 84,726 words

Louis swears on his life that that man came out of literal nowhere and he thanks each lucky star for having good breaks in his car. This strange alpha also happens to be the most beautiful being Louis has laid his eyes on. For some unknown reason, the omega feels safe around the alpha. It might seem strange, but you can't always explain why or how things are the way they are. All you can really be sure of is that they happen for a reason. There's a higher power (call it what you want) that knows better and definitely knows more than you do.

19) Wind Beneath My Wings | Explicit | 93,131 words

As an omega carer that works at a rescue and rehabilitation centre for feral alphas and omegas, Louis has experienced all sides of ferality. So Harry- a cold, near mute, non-receptive alpha- was a challenging case for everyone at Phoenix Rehab Centre. Louis wasn’t expecting to feel drawn towards an aloof Harry, or to form a slow bond with him. He certainly was not expecting for his entire life to change in unforeseen ways.

20) You Were My Because | Explicit | 109,089 words

Note: Please be sure to read the tags and any warnings.

Louis has battled the demons of his past for years now and has little hope of finding happiness for himself. Especially now that a school reunion is taking place and the memories of his school days are suddenly coming back with full force. But after rain always comes sunshine, in Louis’ case in the form of his old schoolmate Harry. A story about healing, friendship, finding trust and love.

21) Drops of Jupiter | Mature | 121,826 words

In a small, sleepy town ruled by prejudice, Louis Tomlinson runs his grandmothers shop for the occult. He finds comfort in his tarot cards, his friends, and a dog that he doesn't have room for. He thought the worst he'd have to deal with would be bigotry, until a new sheriff arrives with a headstrong little girl that's impossible not to fall in love with. But what happens when a string of break-ins leads to a brutal attack, and the towns' darling is murdered right under their Sunday hats? A murder that just so happens to bear the same modus operandi as similar homicides in neighbouring states. Has the killer been circling Virginia, or is he a local of Lavender Hills? And what will Louis do when the charming Sheriff Styles starts to suspect him of such a heinous crime?

22) Sewn Into You | Explicit | 167,485 words | Sequel

Harry Styles thinks soulmates are a fairytale, or in other words-a lie. He has no interest in entertaining anything that has anything to do with the very name that had been etched along his collarbone since his eighteenth birthday. Louis Tomlinson won't be answering to another alpha for the rest of his life if he can help it. Fuck happy endings, his soul mate can choke on it. Problem is, Harry needs a personal assistant to save his family's business, Louis needs the cash to officially move off of his childhood best-friend's couch. They can manage. Surely, nothing will go wrong.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[extasiswings]

when the light turns

I still can’t quite believe that 6x12 actually happened/wasn’t some sort of fandom-wide fever dream, but anyway, I was in my Eddie feels so have an interlude fic. 

Buck is asleep.

It brings Eddie up short at first, followed by a wave of fond exasperation.  He takes a swig from one of the open beers in his hands as he looks away, then back again.

Buck is asleep.

That time, the thought rocks him to his core.

He was only out of the room, what?  A minute?  Two?  And yet, that was enough time for Buck to crash so thoroughly that Eddie’s not convinced an explosion would wake him.

On his couch.  In his home.  

Eddie swallows hard around a sudden lump in his throat.

The way Buck looked when he arrived…his eyes were haunted, hunted, exhaustion written across his face and hanging from every line of his body—

Eddie remembers what that’s like.  He remembers all too well the feeling of lying awake staring at the ceiling, unable to quiet his mind, unable to settle, unable to get comfortable, just going and going and going until his body either physically shut down or he managed to relocate somewhere that seemed safe enough that he could rest.

And Buck—Buck came to him.  

He hadn’t expected it.  Hoped, yes.  When Maddie called him and asked him to check on Buck, he hadn’t said no outright, but hadn’t said yes either.  I’ll think about it seemed to strike the appropriate balance between agreeing against his better instincts or having to explain himself to someone who, while he likes her, he doesn’t really know well at all.

And there was also the part where he hadn’t wanted to put his foot in his mouth by admitting that he wasn’t sure her plan was what Buck needed.

He took a different path.  Held back.  Gave Buck space, even if it killed him to do it.  And he hoped that if he just waited patiently, Buck would come to him when he was ready.

He’s never been so glad to have been right.

Eddie takes another drink and looks away again, thinking absently that he should put the second beer back in the fridge, maybe go find Buck a blanket, do anything other than standing there.  But his eyes drift back to Buck as if pulled by a force beyond his control.  They track over Buck’s face, the scruff on his jaw, the rise and fall of his chest—

When Buck was in the hospital, Eddie couldn’t look.  He couldn’t make himself do it, not even knowing that any moment could be the last.  He couldn’t look at Buck hooked up to machines, with a tube in his throat, half a corpse.  He couldn’t face that without shattering.

He’s had plenty of other moments in the past where he couldn’t look either.  Because Buck—god, sometimes he shines so bright, burns so fiercely with warmth and light and life that it’s like looking at the sun.  In those moments, Eddie can’t look directly at him for too long without being afraid of getting seared.

Now though…he can’t seem to look away.  Buck’s usual light has dimmed enough in sleep that he seems…real.  Human.  Touchable.  It makes Eddie’s heart thud in his chest, a wild leap that steals his breath.

He aches.  But it’s not a bad kind of pain, not the sharp slash of terror or the deep, bloody torment of grief.  It’s gentle, like pressing a bruise, the subtle ache of healing.

Or of yearning.

Eddie’s breath shudders out of him in a long, shaky gust.  His fingers curl harder around the beer bottles in his hands, a reminder to himself that they’re already occupied, that he can’t reach out and touch no matter how soft, how approachable Buck may seem.  

There’s a space next to Buck on the couch.  Buck’s arm stretches out along the back of it, and it would be so easy to just sit down, settle into that space.  It would be so simple.  A few steps, a bend of his knees, and Eddie could fit himself right there, into the curve of Buck’s side, press into his warmth and let it chase away the rest of the lingering chill of the hospital.

Easy.

But Eddie doesn’t.  Can’t.

He’s not for you, Eddie scolds himself.  Not like that.

Because Buck will come back from this.  He’ll find his light again, and then he’ll find peace, find ease on some other couch, in some other house, with someone else, someone equally bright who isn’t afraid to love him.  He’ll return to being too much to look at, untouchable, and Eddie will be able to get a grip on himself, find the control that he left on a street somewhere in the dark and pouring rain.

He drinks.  He aches.  He looks.

He should walk away, but can’t seem to get his feet to move.

Not yet.  Not yet.

A line of poetry whispers through his mind as he stops himself from reaching out yet again, something he read years ago that always twists his chest.

Te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

But Buck is all fire and sunlight.  Even at his darkest and most destructive, he never fully loses that spark.

He is not a dark thing.  And he deserves to be loved in the light.  Openly.  Visibly.  Explicitly.  Which…simply isn’t something Eddie thinks he’s capable of giving him.

But, oh.  He aches.

Eddie isn’t sure how long he stands there watching Buck sleep, but it’s long enough to finish both of the beers he brought out.

And then, after one last breath, one last look, he finally unsticks his feet and slips back into the shadows of the kitchen.      

[kaeyx]

Y!beastzai who, after he’s stolen you away, understands you need some time to acclimate. This is a big change - he’s sure it’s quite the surprise and well, he knows he can be a little frightening. Don’t you worry - he’s here to help you every step of the way, training you to accept his presence, his touch a bit at a time, just like he would a scared new pet - because that’s what you are, really. Once you’ve learned to let him hold you without shaking, he likes to tie your hands behind you when he gets home (with soft restraints - he just doesn’t want you fretting about what to do with them) and sit you on his lap, facing him. He makes quick work undoing the buttons of the shirt - his shirt - he has you wearing, but doesn’t push it all the way off. He just needs you accessible, not exposed, and he knows you’re more comfortable this way, and really he doesn’t want to make you more uncomfortable than he has to - you know that, right? And then he runs his hands over you, gentle, exploratory - tracing your face, teasing your nipples, squeezing your hips. He praises you the whole time if you sit quietly and let him. You’re doing so well for him, really. It’s okay if you need to hide your face in his neck; he knows you’re shy. And for a while, it’s just sleeping in his arms and this, every night when he comes home from the office. Until you learn to greet him at the door with the shirt unbuttoned, with the cuffs in your hand. With the shirt off and a shy request that he leaves your hands free so you can touch his hair. Until you tip your head back for him when he leans into press a kiss to your collar bone. Until you don’t hide when his touch makes you shiver for the right reasons. Until one day you can’t help but grind subtly against him as he trails lithe fingers up your sides. He coos praise in your ear, but he knows that really, he’s the one being rewarded right now for his patience. Good things come to those who wait, after all, and what a good little thing you’ve become.

Hi hello yes I have been losing my mind over this ask for the past day. Holy fuck if I walked face first into a wall rn I'd hit my dick before I hit my nose. Oh my god.

Beastzai who thinks of you as an actual pet, something he can train and condition with punishments and rewards. Coaxing you into his lap every day and getting you a bit more naked, a bit more comfortable, until you're pressed right up against him, straddling him, completely exposed. He likes to tie your hands behind your back or loop them around his neck and tie them there, because he knows you might have to think too hard about where to put them and that would just stress you out, so he helps you. He always puts you in the same kind of shirt so you don't have to worry your pretty little head about anything except sitting there and letting him do whatever he wants.

He feels so lucky and happy when you finally nod off like this, guiding your head down to his shoulder while he reassures you that everything is going to be okay, that you're safe with him. This is everything he could dream of, staying up extra late until you got too tired is definitely paying off. He rubs your sides and back gently, running his fingers over your entire body, he wants to be able to map out every inch of it. He keeps cooing at you even while you sleep, and he carries you to bed with him without bothering to untie you. You get used to waking up confused, half restrained and held tight against his chest, in places you don't remember falling asleep in. Beastzai relishes in your sleepy little groan as you try to make sense of your surroundings, right before it melts into placid nothingness when he strokes your back and tells you not to worry, in the same soothing voice he'd use for a scared pet. Sometimes he even ties you up a little more, just to ingrain in your mind that you have to depend on him.

When you trot up to him of your own volition for your daily lap time, he almost loses his cool. He knows his plan is working, but this undeniable proof of how far you've come makes him dizzy with lust. As soon as he's sure you're asleep in his lap he's rubbing himself through his clothes, biting his lips to hold back any noises that might wake you up. Your body limp and warm on top of him, so trusting, so defenceless and dependant on him, pushes him over the edge in minutes. He just wishes it was your hands around his cock, your eyes looking into his while he strokes your cheek and encourages you.

You shiver at his careful touches a lot more now, and for all the right reasons. He's memorised your body in its entirety, he knows what makes you weak in the knees and every evening when he comes home and touches you you melt a little more. By the time you finally manage to drift off you're shivering, dripping wet, almost hoping he'd finally do something about it and take advantage of you. But Beastzai doesn't want you to be embarrassed, he carefully avoids any particularly sensitive spots even as your cunt drools all over his thigh. You can see the tent in his pants, you know he's turned on, but he refuses to put his hands on you like that and it drives you insane, day after day. Eventually you have to get off, grinding against his bulge or humping his thigh as you watch his face light up with predatory glee. His voice is sweet and condescending as he grips your hips and helps your movements, asking you if you're really so desperate that you couldn't contain yourself. Reassuring you that it's okay, he doesn't mind that you're such a slut, he'll take care of you and do all the things that are too hard for your little pet brain.

[marvelling-at-marvel-blog]

The thing about S1 Jamie that I think is interesting is I think on rewatch there is some insight as to why Jamie went so hard on the bullying of Sam. (Not gonna be defending Jamie's treatment of Sam just looking into maybe why). Because out of all of the things Jamie did is season one. The one that seems hardest to understand or really forgive is his treatment of Sam. The first time around, you couldn't understand it. Sam is legitimately the kindest man in existence. (I know as a stroyteller it was the easiest way to really get us to dislike Jamie and really make us more understanding of Roy's treatment of Jamie which to be frank is not great and understand Ted's fruatrations with him) and Sam just keeps trying with Jamie.

But know I think it far to say thay S1 Jamie was jealous of Sam and his easy going, happy, postive nature. I dont think he was aware of it though.

Season 1 Jamie is so interesting because on paper, he had everything he thought he wanted. But I dint think he was overally happy. But yeah it seemed to be all his way

1. He played for the team he grew up supporting and dreamed of playing for. I imagine his first time stepping on that fiels in that uniform would have been monumental. Sure, maybe he wasn't a starter, but he got some minutes and the unspken agreement that in a few years, he would be a star.

2. I imagine he was initially disappointed to be loaned out, but then he learns he is being loaned to Richmond. Yeah they suck, but he gets to play a full 90 minutes, is basically going to be the best player, kick most of thier goals and he gets to be team mates with Roy Kent (he dreamed of playing against him one day, with him is a dream come true, I really think pre show Jamie would have been so excited to play with Roy Kent and was so disappointed in how it turned out). Plus, it has the added advantage of getting him away from his dad. And once his done his loan, he can come back to Manchester. This is his chance to get away from it for a while and be the star

3. He meets and gets to date Keely Jones who his always had a crush on. Dhe is literally a dream girl for him

So he should be happy right. His got everything he wanted, but it's not going the way he expected because.....

1. Roy Kent hates him (in my mind Roy was standoffish from the start, heres come this whizkid who was everything he used to be and slowly losing. I think Jamie came in at 100% and immediatley put Roy on the back foot). Jamie tries with Roy but the more it doesnt work the more Jamie goes OK, if I cant make him like me I will show him I am better than him. Hence the beginning of that relationship.

2. Yeah his away from his dad and his killing it at Richmond, scoring their goals, winning them matches but it only seems to be winning over half the team (he can't see yet his attitude is what is stopping the other guys from liking him). And the team still isn't doing great even with him. Plus he may be away from his Dad but his relationship with his mum feels like it in a werid place which sucks cause she is his favourite person ever.

3. And Keeley seems to be where its going right but sometimes it feels like his a bit of a project for her. And I think he has heard people (like Roy) question why she is with him.

And let's face it, he is still likely hearing from his dad when he doesn't perform up to his standards.

And then heres Sam. Who (at this point in time) isn't playing well, isn't scoring goals, not massively contributing to thier wins and yet he seems so genuinely happy all the time and everyone loves him, Roy Kent seems to like him and is friendly with him, complimenting him (which he has never done to Jamie). Sam is so open and kind he has probably talked about his dad in the locker room, and his relationship with his family seems perfect and that must gnaw at Jamie because all he ever wanted is to make his dad proud and his pretty sure he will never achieve it because the man is a d***k who is impossoble to please, yet Jamie never stops trying and things are werid with his mum which he hates. But all he hears when its brought up from Sam is how great his family is.

Then along comes the new gaffer who Jamie can't even understand why he is coaching, but he also seems to love Sam and wants him to be the decoy so Sam can kick the goal. Even though Jamie knows if he kicks it, it will go in.

Now we all know the reason Sam is liked is because he is an amazing, kind hearted, dedicated person, but I think S1 Jamie is so jealous and does not even know it.

Because S1 Jamie is still living with the notion that being the best in the most important thing ( thank you James Tartt Sr) so to Jamie he is out here busting his ass at training to be the best, scoring all the goals yet Sam seems to be the one who is living what he thought his dream time at Richmond was going to be. And I know I mention it but I think it is a big thing for Jamie, the harder he tries the more Roy seems to despise him, and take enjoyment in his embarrassment.

And S1 Jamie in all maturity handles his jealously by trying to make Sam feel as bad as he is feeling. Which Jamie, baby. That's kindergarten mentality. And poor Sam actually thinks Jamie is a great player and would love to learn from him in the beginning and isnt having a great time either.

But yeah. I dont think Jamie ever disliked Sam. I think he was insanly jealous of him all the time and didn't know how to handle that or even admit it himself.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Apologies for my rambles.

[chaoticbardlady99]

Darling, Never Stop Haunting Me (Spawn! Astarion x F! Ghost Reader) MDNI 18+

Chapter Six: Four Clerics and a Vampire Spawn Enter a Tomb

Synposis: Astarion is struggling to adjust to not having you around for a little bit, but he amends this quickly. Astarion takes a moment to explore his own wants and needs while you are asleep.

CW: Mentions of torture, gore, m! Masturbation, Astarion being a lovesick mess I just had this, “oh Astarion and Tav were never together so he has no baseline for sexual touch.” And my brain went, “HE DOESN’T HAVE A BASELINE FOR SEXUAL TOUCH” and well- here we are. I hope you enjoy! I have put markers for when smut starts and stops for anyone who isn’t into it :)

Disclaimer- put together the picture for the banner, but I do not own any of the pictures. I did take the picture of ‘Birdie’ and Astarion on my PS5

Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are always appreciated! Thank you for all your support and love!

Chapter 5: Chapter 7 : AO3

Astarion sits and stares at your broken, crumpled form. He had closed your eyes already and he had dug a hole to bury the cat that so graciously let you inhabit it for so long. 

  He recognizes the country bumpkin arrow as one of Leon’s. How could this happen? Astarion had searched the area high and low for signs of the Bastard and didn’t find a thing- where the fuck did he come from!?

 Astarion lets himself cry as he buries the cat. 

  He can’t feel your presence around him and that terrifies Astarion to no end. He can’t lose you- you are both supposed to be ‘stuck’ with each other forever. 

  Astarion has hopes, dreams, and stupid fantasies about what kind of life you could live together once they were able to resolve your incorporeal person problems. He really just knows that, as long as he’s around you, life will be fun. Hard sometimes, but nothing that couldn’t be talked about or handled. 

 You have given him a rather large lesson in communication and the importance of it- after about six months, you had both celebrated Astarion directly telling you that something you said bothered him instead of lashing out. 

  It had been something stupid- he can’t even remember what it was. He was jealous of some man that you said was very attractive as the two of you peered over the railing of your inn in a small town around Amn. 

 That all feels so trivial now. You could be with anyone if it meant Astarion could have you back right now. He may kill the person and cry, but that’s beside the point. <

  The sun is suddenly embracing him and Astarion feels his body become reinvigorated. 

 You never gave up on him or finding a cure so that he could walk in the sun. You also expressed having hopes and dreams amongst other what-nots. You wouldn’t give up this easily on him and he sure as hell won’t give up on you. 

  You have to be out there somewhere. If you aren’t around him that you had to be teleported somewhere else and if that means storming the Heavens- so be it.

  Astarion immediately begins flipping through Volo’s book- rubbing the stupid pink tulle tutu material between his fingers. 

 It’s a stupid thing to keep- he admits it to himself all the time- but it was such a hilarious sight to see and you had said you hope one day he sees how much you mean to him. Astarion will mess with the crappy material whenever he needs the reminder that he has worth and you are busy doing something or sleeping. It’s helped him a significant amount during the night time- the happy memory soothing his soul. 

  And he desperately needs that reassurance and soothing right now.

 Thankfully, Volo’s book wasn’t totally filled with bullshit- the back detailing a City that is not that far from his current location.

  It’s about two and a half days away. That’s entirely doable and you are more than likely perfectly safe, exploring the city and, with any luck, you are hoping he’s trying to get back to you. 

   He can’t get himself to stop- not even for a moment. He finds himself absentmindedly humming various violin pieces you have played for him since you learned you could be an incorporeal person. 

  He feels border line delirious and he’s pretty fucking hungry if he’s being honest with himself- the creatures he’s finding as he goes aren’t filling enough, but he doesn’t have time to properly hunt. 

   You would be worried and upset with him for not taking care of himself, but he won’t feel okay again until you are back in his sight and within arms length again. 

  The trek is horribly boring- he has become so accustomed to even your little snores during travel that the silence is uncomfortable and wrong. Astarion can’t even begin to imagine how his heart would feel if he tried to fall asleep and stay asleep without you near. 

  The hour he tried to trance out of sheer exhaustion had been full of every nightmare imaginable, but it was a dream of Leon killing you- taking away the only person in the whole world that Astarion would gladly lay his life on the line for. 

  He should have killed Leon the moment he suggested you become a sacrifice for him to get Victoria back. Astarion would sooner go back in time sacrifice him and the other spawn than hand you over if that’s what it took to keep you safe.

 At least in that reality, you could both be together and he would never have to worry about losing you because he wouldn’t have to worry about fucking Leon. 

  He just knows Leon is involved- he can feel the irritation in his bones grow with each minute he walks. 

  Astarion races through the forest- being mindful enough to not go barreling through some poor soul just minding it’s own business. 

 For once, he isn’t looking for a fight. He just wants to get to you and leave- get far away from this Gods awful place and begin your lives together somewhere far, far away.

  The second day feels even worse than the first- twenty four hours was far too long and he was growing more worried by the second stint of his journey.

What if Leon finds you before Astarion does?

 Astarion is worried that Leon will convince you to sacrifice yourself for his daughter if he gets to you first- something he knows you would do without a second thought. 

  Astarion finds himself begging the universe that, for once, he is good enough for someone to stay for him- wait for him. 

 Worth someone being a little bit selfish for once.

 What if he isn’t? What kind of life could a transient vampire spawn offer you? Would you willingly remain a ghost if you had the choice or would you pass on?

 He attempts to trance again when his thoughts become overwhelming. He continues, however, to refuse sleeping for very long or take the time to properly hunt. 

 He knows what his needs are and he will take the time later. However, time isn’t a luxury he thinks he can afford right now.

 Astarion needs you- he’s doing this for himself more than anything.

 His second hour long trance is much better. He dreams of you in his arms, held tightly to his chest- your hair fanning out on a plush pillow while he leaves gentle kisses on your face and you giggle happily. You are here again and everything is okay. 

  Astarion wakes up crying when he realizes it’s only a trance- a trick of the mind. His lips yearn to know how your skin feels underneath them.

 Astarion needs you back by his side yesterday. One day was unacceptable as is, but two? His world feels tilted. 

   He feels like he can breathe again when he spies the massive Watch Tower in the distance- the black, oddly shaped tower looms over the other buildings and it’s presence demands to be seen. 

  His feet lead him through the gates of the City of Manifest and he makes a B-line to the Hall of Farewells. There are people everywhere enjoying their loved ones, but no sign of you yet. 

  Astarion goes to the front of the line- ready to knock whoever over so that he can talk to the teller. Your life very well could be in danger- Astarion hasn’t seen any signs of Leon in the Underdark, but you can never be too careful and that arrow was definitely one of his shitty homemade ones.

 “Hey! You can’t just cu-“

 Astarion gives the man a menacing, unblinking smile. The man gulps nervously.

 “You were saying?”

 “Ha, uh I was just saying, go right on ahead! You can cut me anywhere, anytime.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, my Boy,” Astarion says with a sneer, “otherwise you may not live to see the light of day.”

 A dawning realization of horror crosses the man’s face.

“That’s not what I-“

 “NEXT!”

  Astarion waves, “that’s my cue- I will find your delicious self later.” 

 He snickers to himself after he turns around- the man was positively green-, but when he goes to look down next to him to be chastised by you as you begrudgingly laugh- he’s reminded once again of his current twisted reality. 

  It’s only been 56 hours and he misses you so much- there is a massive hole in his chest with every step he takes and he is praying to every God that you are here. 

 “Hello! Welcome to the Hall of Farewells,” an elderly woman stands behind the counter, “who are you looking for today, young man?” 

  If you were here? You would have busted up laughing. 

“Young man, my ass!” 

  He can’t help, but smile slightly to himself as a tear begins to fall from his eye. 

“I’m looking for Althaeastra Rothwell? She goes by Birdie,” he gestures to show your height, “about this tall, beautiful, kind, hilarious, plays the violin really well.” 

 “Well- that is more than enough information for me to help you!” The elderly woman states while beaming, “she must be a very special woman and how lucky of her to have such a wonderful partner.”

 “I’m the lucky one, actually,” the words slip out of his mouth before he can stop them. 

  The woman smiles even brighter and Astarion has to try very hard to keep himself from blushing like a smitten school boy.

 Good Gods, he thinks, stop being a grieving, emotional mess and focus. You can be weird and dissect your feelings later once you find Birdie.

  The woman claps her hand and performs some kind of magic on a book that flips pages with the intensity of a storm. Names are jumping from the pages- sorting through nicknames, letters, dates of death, etc. until a bright DING alerts the elderly woman that the spell is complete.

 “Ah yes! Miss Rothwell! She hasn’t been here too long- only a couple days,” the woman muses, “hmm well, it looks like your brother already went off to find her. My guess is that you will find her with him.” 

 Astarion feels his entire body become significantly colder than it already is. 

 No- Leon couldn’t have bested him this time. How did Leon get here ahead of him? He did so many perimeter checks before entering the Catacombs and Leon was nowhere to be found. There should be absolutely no reason for him to be here- unless he had planned to kill you so you are a ghost again? That would make sense and it would force you two apart. 

 “Which brother?”

  The woman cocks her head at him and then a realization seems to be forming in her mind.

 You weren’t supposed to be going anywhere with Leon and it’s likely this woman just directed you to your actual death. 

 “His name is… Leon,” she reads the name uneasily, “she wrote only your name in the registry- specifically put ‘WAITING FOR ASTARION’. Brayden tried to tell her it wasn’t necessary, but she insisted. Your brother came in shortly after and checked the registry.”

 Astarion damn near loses it- screaming profanities inside his head and desperately trying to keep from exploding all together. He can’t protect you from prison so he needs to play nice. 

 Afterwards? Well, let’s just say Astarion may be creating a list of people he wants to Falcon punch in the throat after you are safe and with him again. You most likely won’t approve, but he told you not to go wandering off with strangers! You do not have the combat experience or street smarts to be able to protect yourself. 

  Astarion goes to ask another question when a man comes racing in with a very mutilated, but living ghost. An insignia with a boot print and compass rose is on the front. The man’s black, curly locks are mangled and blue stained.

  The older man is hysterical- begging someone to save his son as pieces of him begin to fall away and disappear. Astarion feels a wave of panic go through his body. 

 “Brayden,” the elderly woman gasps, “Gods help us!” 

  A group of clerics descends on the men and tries to help the man who was evidently giving you a tour. Another group goes racing out the door in the direction the body was found. Astarion makes note of this “Tombyard District” and begins to leave. 

  His body, however, freezes as he approaches the young Ghost laying out on the floor- wheezing painfully and his eyes meet Astarion’s a look of recognition. You must have talked about Astarion a lot.

 Brayden’s eyes seem to scream back at Astarion, “she’s in danger! You need to save her!” 

 Astarion would know that magic and knife work anywhere- Leon got to you and this poor man probably tried to defend you. It disgusts Astarion that he is grateful for a perfect stranger, but anyone who has attempted to keep you safe is okay in his books. 

  He will not lose you to this place and he will make sure Brayden’s suffering was not in vain or yours for that matter. 

  Astarion leaves the Hall of Farewells- realizing that the more he sits there and listens to that man wail for his adult son to stay with him, the more and more hopeless and scared Astarion becomes. 

  Leon was Cazador’s best hunter, but it was because he was an aggressive meathead about the whole thing. It irritated the piss out of everyone. He wasn’t subtle and was more than happy to swoop in and steal your mark if it meant he could get back to the Palace faster. 

  It doesn’t take very long for Astarion to track Leon, but he’s alarmed when the faint scent of his other siblings begins to tickle his nose. The guard at the entrance of the Tombyard warned him against going in this late, but Astarion has a feeling he doesn’t have much time. 

 He stole a Ring of Manifesting on the way there so that after he finds you, you can both run straight to Waterdeep. Astarion had used one of his sending spells detailing what is going on to Tav and Gale just in case you both go MIA, but they are expecting both of you to be there. Admittedly, Astarion is quite proud of himself- you are always on him for not having a plan and this time he actually has a plan!

  The smell of rotting flesh and the sound of people crying over their loved ones rings through his ears. There are multiple funerals occurring at once- mostly Drow and a few Humans. 

 The area is not cozy nor is it an aesthetically pleasing place to rest, the buildings look like warehouses for the bored and lonely and the statues along the streets are even graveyard-esque. It makes him uncomfortable- he doesn’t necessarily care for graveyards anymore. Not that he ever did, really.

 There are alleyways here and there, but only one has Leon’s scent and the other scent is Lavender and something else he can’t pick up on. It has to be you which makes Astarion feel even more sick.

 What did he tell you about following random strangers places!? One time you followed a man with white hair because you thought it was Astarion and you had been missing for an hour and a half. 

 Now you have been missing for probably two Gods damn days!

 The scent leads him to an alleyway and the stench of rot becomes worse- Astarion can practically feel the pull of the weave in the air and the dark art of Necromancy.

 Wonderful, just wonderful. 

  Astarion creeps along the wall- grateful that he listened to your suggestion about wearing solely black armor. It made sneaking around much easier and if he’s about to face a necromancer without a Cleric around then he’s going to need every advantage he can get. 

  A few new scents are in the air- much cleaner than the heavy must that threatens to suffocate him. 

Think before you act, Astarion reminds himself, being irrational is not going to bring Birdie back to you any faster. 

  As he comes around a corner as slowly as he possibly can, he pulls his daggers out with the pointed ends against someone’s throat- he is met with a set of piercing blue eyes and earthy brown eyes. Both individuals appear to be clerics and they both gesture for Astarion to be quiet- that they are not a threat. Two other people become more visible to him. 

 Astarion recognizes the individual symbols on their chest as Uhanam- a lawful neutral God that is about law and intelligence-, Durann- a Lawful Good God that is about healing and listening to laws, and Aluvan- protector of Ghosts. He doesn’t recognize the other God, but she has the same symbol as the poor Cleric who had been severely injured trying to protect you.  

  A door appears further down an alley and a man that smells of Undeath with a beating heart comes walking down the alley. Astarion recognizes him as a Shadar Kai almost instantly. 

  Much to his irritation, the individuals let him pass by them, but he watches one use sleight of hand to maneuver the keys off his belt. The Shadar Kai doesn’t even so much as flinch. It’s rather impressive and Astarion enjoys the shit eating grin the Wood Elf flashes at their fellow clerics. 

  You would really like these people. Astarion will like them as long as none of them attempt to take you away from him. 

 “Alright,” one of the clerics, a blonde halfling woman, releases a sigh of relief before continuing her whispering, “hello- are you friend or foe?”

  “Depends,” he whispers back, “are you going to kill everyone-including the people they have held captive- or are you on a rescue mission.”

 “Rescue and revenge mission- actually,” the half- elf woman with the same insignia as Brayden says, “they tried to kill my fellow Cleric, Brayden- my husband in fact, and they kidnapped the person he was showing around. We just hope she’s still alive- this Lich doesn’t hang onto people very long.”

  Of course it’s a fucking Lich. 

 “For all of your sake,” Astarion snarls, “you better hope she is alive.” 

“Your loved one, I take it?” the halfing says.

 Astarion nods- they need to know there is someone here for you and if they so much as look at you funny, he will kill them with absolutely no remorse to show for it. 

 “That settles it then,” the Wood Elf says, “let’s go save some folks and kick some ass!” 

 It was like being around Karlach- the cleric has a goofy grin and an even goofier vibe.

  Astarion follows them- trailing behind so that he can take more time to search and see you before it becomes a bloodbath. 

 You just have to find her and get out of here, Astarion repeats like a mantra in his head, she is alive, she is safe-ish, she is okay. Everything is going to be fine because it has to be fine.

  The place is filled to the brim with various undead creatures haunting it’s halls. Some creatures he has never even seen before and others look like they are stitched together with mismatched parts. 

  Astarion tries to swallow his panic- no sign of you yet so you may just be caged some-

 “NO PLEASE!” your voice screams through the air and the sound of you struggling against someone rings alongside your voice, “PLEASE! I- DON’T WANT TO BECOME THAT- PLEASE!!!!!!” 

   You cry out in pain and Astarion begins barrelling past the Clerics who are trying to stop him, but they can figure it out. He needs to get to you. 

��Astarion pushes past every individual who comes by him- some try to attack him and he is quick to rebuke them or kill them with one blow. Your screams are becoming more and more panicked- you sound like you are fighting for your life and Astarion wishes you were aware that he is right here- nothing will happen to you.

 He just needs to find you and then you never have to come to this horrible place ever again.

“ASTARION!” your cries are coming from down the hall, “ASTARION, HELP! PLEASE!” 

   Your voice has begun to sound gargled, but he knows he’s on the right floor- the scent of Lemongrass hanging in the air like a blessing. 

  When he finally finds the room you are in, he watches as some kind of magic tries to contort you into something else entirely. You are fighting to prevent it- tears streaming down either side of your face.

“Astarion- please hurry,” your anger and your voice being reduced to a tearful whisper, “I’m not ready to die.” 

  And he’s not ready for you to. In fact, Astarion feels positively homicidal. 

  Within a millisecond, Astarion is shoving his daggers between the Lich’s ribs and it cries out in surprise- Astarion uses an arrow of Thunder and sends the Lich crashing into the wall- one of it’s arms dislocating in the process. 

 The Shadar Kai descend on him and you struggle against your restraints- trying to get away from the ones that are trying to hold you back down and keep him from getting to you. They are unlatching your restraints and dragging you towards another hall. The Lich waiting like a coward behind it’s soldiers. 

 “ASTARION!” you scream, “BEHIND YOU!”

   He sends another Shadar Kai to the Shadowfell thanks to your warning, only to have one of the Shadar Kai holding you cut your throat, an angry growl leaving Astarion,and he cuts through every creature his blade can get it’s sharp edge on. 

   A crash from behind him and the horrific creature that comes racing into the room distracts Astarion and he’s grateful that the Clerics had caught up with him because he wouldn’t have been able to save himself from the oncoming Ghoul running towards him otherwise.

  He makes eye contact with Dalyria, but it’s not her eyes. The sight of his siblings and their fate makes Astarion feel ill- the Lich gestures and suddenly they are collapsing to the ground in a ball of red magic. The blood curdling scream of anger that leaves Astarion’s mouth scares him.

  The Lich looks like he’s about to shit himself.

 Not only had this horrible, unnatural creature taken you and harmed you significantly- it had destroyed his family. The only one he knows and remembers. The only people in the whole world who know what it means to suffer just as well as he does.

  The creature gets back up and the Lich doesn’t have time to dodge before one of it’s unnaturally strong hands grabs it’s face and sends it’s flying away from the hall- it’s skull begins to crack the moment he makes impact with the wall.

  The Lich uses shadow step to retreat down one of the hallways as his siblings run at him again- looking rather pleased that they chased it off.

  He feels angry- it won’t be safe for you or his siblings here or anywhere with that Lich fucking off. Astarion wants to go after it- desperately and end this once and for all, but he knows he can’t. 

  Instead, he returns his attention back to the battle and getting to you as you continue to struggle against your captors. He’s over there in seconds- uses Dimension Door to put you in a safe corner and then using Misty Step to get back into battle. The creature that is his siblings stand protectively in front of you- waiting to destroy anyone who dare harm you. Their eyes meet his and they nod- we’ve got her. 

  He tries not to cry from sentiment alone- they care about him enough to keep you safe so he can focus on killing the other enemies in the room and Astarion never thought he would see the day where that would ever happen. It’s a shame it’s probably too late now to try to start over with each other again. 

  The remainder of the creatures are destroyed and Astarion personally mutilates the individual who decided cutting your throat was a fantastic idea. 

  Once it all calms down and everyone is dead- the Clerics lock the hallway door where the Lich had run away and they gesture for the mix and match of his siblings to follow as they exit the building. 

  The Aluvan Priestess, the Halfing, is the one to assure them that they would reverse their condition, they’ve apparently done it before and he hears your choked sigh of relief. He’s surprised to see the monstrous versions of his siblings look at you with hopeful eyes and you back at them. 

 It must have been a horrible 56 hours. 

 Brayden’s cleric in arms and wife comes over and heals your throat, your wrists, and offers you a clean outfit. You are shaking as you take the clothes and you look at the woman with your lower lip trembling.

“Is Brayden okay? He was trying to keep me safe.”

 The woman nods and smiles, “he’s in rough shape, but nothing he won’t be able to come back from- thank Wyst.”

 That seems to make you cry harder and Astarion is quick to scoop you up into his arms now that the initial shock of everything he has just seen has worn off. You cling to his neck, your arms wrapped around him tightly, and he just rubs soft circles into your back.

 “It’s safe now, Birdie,” he whispers, “I will never ever let anyone harm you again.” 

             *****************************

   It’s later in the evening when you seem to finally be more yourself again, but Astarion can tell that something horrible happened to you at the hand of the Lich. He is refraining from asking- not wanting to upset you or push you too hard. 

  You are drinking the honey mead in your hand heavily- eating bread and cheese along side it. Ghosts can’t get hung over so you took it as an opportunity to try to drown out the events of the last couple days. 

  It’s when you look at him with tearful eyes that he knows you are truly, honest to Gods suffering. 

“Darling?” He gently takes your hand in his, “what is it?” 

 You look up at the ceiling with a trembling lip before looking him in the eyes again.

 “He cut me open,” you choke, “he- he took out my organs and put them in other bodies before putting them back in mine.

“Then he was going t- to,” you shake as you try to get through your next sentence, “he was going to turn me into a Necroplasm. A horrible creature only made of bone and ectoplasm. Lifeless; thoughtless.”

  Your face is back in your hands and Astarion is feeling an incredibly confusing amount of emotions right now.

 He wants to hunt down that lich and destroy the bastard limb by limb, over and over again until he finally shows the last bit of mercy he could- breaking the phylactery. 

 But he also wants to get out of the City of Manifest entirely. His siblings are all separated again- temporarily Ghosts, but incredibly happy to not be melded together while the Clerics search for the remainder of their bodies to reconstruct. He has no idea how it works, but apparently the Gods over manifest are much kinder than the ones who dominate the rest of Faerun.

  Leon is the only one who hasn’t come back, but he’s dead to Astarion either way. He was quite impressed with the amount of damage you had been able to inflict. Once he teaches you how to use a dagger, you could truly be unstoppable.

 However, that’s for a later date when you become settled.

 Gale sent him two tickets to teleport to Waterdeep and you seemed to be relieved that you wouldn’t be staying here- you want to come back, but after you feel more confident in your ability to protect yourself.

  Tav and Gale are getting married in a few weeks- Waterdeep will be good for both of you. It will be familiar and comfortable.

 You can stay together in the room you usually occupy, he will keep watch if that’s what you need to sleep for a while. 

 Anything to make you feel safe again. 

 “I feel so violated,” you sniff and laugh sadly to yourself, “I have the worst luck. The first touch I receive in three and a half centuries and it’s while I’m being cut open and fit to others like a puzzle piece- like a thing.

“I could feel it,” you wipe your eyes, “every horrible thing those people felt before they died. I felt their love and misery for the people they were never going to see again-“ 

  This was not how Astarion wanted this reunion to go- Leon is dead, but it would never feel like enough. 

 Leon took honest, innocent moments you deserved to have and tainted them- all for something that was never going to happen anyway.

 A Lich is a Lich and he’s going to hunt the bastard down- you were just a victim of opportunity in his eyes. 

 “I wish I had gotten there faster,” Astarion whispers, “this isn’t how I imagined this going.” 

 “What do you mean?” You ask, wiping your eyes.

 Does he tell you that he envisioned at least kissing you? If you wanted? Now it feels like it would be pressuring you.

“It’s not imp-“

“No- enough about me,” you say, “I want to know what you’ve been doing and how life in the sun has been!” 

 Astarion smiles softly, “there hasn’t been a life in the sun without you. I barely noticed- I was focused on getting here to you.” 

  “Wait, really?” he nods in affirmation, you smile widely at that, “I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who missed hanging around.” 

  You look so happy looking at him- you are wearing his shirt since your own clothes had been practically destroyed and the clothing that was lended to you was uncomfortable. 

 “I’m going to wash my face and all the ick from these last couple days off real quick- I’ll be back.”

  He couldn’t help but miss you- even a room away when you go to wash off.  Astarion had braided your hair back afterwards. 

  Every part of you is beautiful and lovely- he was so scared he lost you without ever getting to see what would happen between the two of you. He hates how gushy and mushy he’s become over the last two days- at this rate, he’s just going to embarrass himself when you ultimately don’t return his feelings.

“Be my date for Tav and Gale’s wedding,” he blurts out of nowhere.

  Nice going panty dropper- you call that romantic?

 “What?”

  You literally said one sentence and blew up the whole thing, Astarion scolds himself.

  Astarion clears his throat, “I couldn’t think of a better plus one nor anyone I would want to suffer through the cheesy affair with.” 

 “Yes!” You exclaim, jumping up, “one hundred thousand times yes! Oh my gosh!!!!!! We will need to go shopping or thieving- who cares- I GET TO GO TO A WEDDING WITH MY FAVORITE PERSON!!!!!” 

 Oh thank Gods.

  Your once melancholy mood has shifted and Astarion feels a warm glow in his chest. He can already think of what cut would fit you best, what colors, how your hair should look, etc. 

  You ask him so many questions- what color does he think would be best? Will you match with him? What color would be best for both of them? And “GODS ABOVE HOW WILL I DO MY HAIR AND MAKE UP!? I’m out of practice!”

 Oh and you made it very clear- absolutely no tulle or crowns. 

 You both somehow decide on lavender and silver. Astarion figures he’ll wear silver with lavender designs and you will do the opposite. 

“What if I don’t remember how to dance!?” You say, mortified, “I’ll embarrass us both!!!”

 “Oh the horror- to be forced to save my darling damsel in distress from tripping over her own heels,” he teases, pushing a stray hair out of your face, “I’m sure I have more than enough dancing experience for both of us.”

 You look at him and bite your lip- a little bit of worry in your eyes.

“What is it, my Sweet?”

  He struggles to stop his smile at the nice blush that courses under your skin at the term of endearment.

“I- I know you hate parties,” you start cautiously, “are you sure you want to dance and everything? We don’t have to if it would make you unhappy. Just being there with you would be more than enough. Unfortunately I can’t offer not going, I think Tara would murder me.”

  Well that is… unexpected. Astarion’s body feels like it’s radiating with happiness and affection- you are quite literally perfect.

 Pull yourself together.

 “I’ll be fine, my Dear,” he says with a slight dismissive wave of his hand, “besides, this is my first party as a free man- who knows? Maybe I’ll become a party fiend.”

 “Ha! I don’t think you like people enough to do that.”

 “But I like you enough to,” he states, “so if you would like to go to them from time to time- I have no qualms.” 

  Gods when did he become such a romantic? 

  You, on the other hand, look like you might explode and he can’t tell why, but he hopes he hasn’t pushed it too far. Astarion is quickly reassured when a coy, mischievous smile passes over your face. 

“I promise I won’t make you go to too many parties,” you tease, “one too many and one might end up being a funeral.”

“Ah see, that’s my kind of party!”

“Oh my Gods,” you shake your head, giggling, and put it in both of your hands, “you don’t even like cemeteries.”

“You don’t need a cemetery for a funeral if you are creative enough, Darling,” he smiles cheekily, “I do put the fun in funeral after all.”

  You roll your eyes and shake your head with a smile at his Gods awful pun- he learned it from Shadowheart on their adventures and he loves to sprinkle it into conversations. 

“Fair.” 

   Somehow, you eventually end up asleep in his arms in the plush Inn bed like he had dreamed about the other night. You snore softly as Astarion holds you closely to him- making a point of looking at the door and windows frequently enough so there aren’t any surprise visitors. 

  Astarion has never actually cuddled with anyone (willingly, at least). Anyone who’s ever been in a bed with him has been condemned to becoming Vampire spawn (he almost wishes they had all just been dead). It was just sex, nothing more or less. Sure people offered, but it never felt right. 

  This? This feels right and like you were made for him. It’s a miracle truly- Intimacy without any sexual touch and he has the choice to be there, curled up around you. 

  It feels heavenly- better than his trances could have ever imagined. 

  You are both the same temperature so you almost feel warm to the touch. Your eyes are moving back and forth as you dream, he is relieved to see a content smile on your face. 

 Astarion is prepared to be there for you if you have nightmares. You have taught him that just having someone to comfort you is enough. He just wishes you didn’t experience any of it in the first place, but he won’t be keeping you too far out of reach or unguarded so hopefully it will never happen again.

  Eventually sleep takes Astarion too and he’s grateful for the somewhat peaceful rest- until it turns into a full blown fucking sex dream. 

  Astarion tries not to jolt you awake- somehow aware enough of his surroundings to know you are still there. You are still fast asleep- dawn is coming and Astarion is not, which could very well be a problem if you wake up while he’s hard.

   He sneaks away to the washroom- making sure to lock the door. 

 He will just take a bath, cool himself off, and then go back to bed for a cuddle. It’ll be like this never happened. 

(Smut begins)

 He’s never actually masturbated and there is a significant amount of weariness when he thinks about the idea. Sure he’s done it for show, but never in a private, alone moment.

  Astarion has basically been celibate for the last nine months and of course, now that you are a ghost person again, his libido decides to rear it’s ugly head.

 He doesn’t even know if you actually want him that way!

  The water is lukewarm and Astarion leans back against the tub- willing his hard on to go away already. It feels almost impossible to forget his trance- the way your pretty mouth looked around his cock, the way you keened when he filled you for the first time, the dance that takes the act from slow and romantic to something else entirely. 

  Wild, passionate- unrehearsed. 

  Astarion wraps his hands around his cock- desperate for any release he can get at this point. He isn’t going to be able to will this trance or these desires away and he is entirely in control of the act- if he becomes uncomfortable or begins to dissociate, he can stop. 

 “You don’t have to sleep with these people,” you reminded him softly, “Hells- you don’t have to do any of it at all if you don’t want to! Even if you are both naked and you’re already inside the person- you can stop. A good person, a person worthy of you, will respect your needs and be understanding.”

  Astarion can stop. You helped him with this realization nine or ten odd months ago. 

   He strokes himself slowly at first, trying to mimic the movements of the trance- starting with your mouth. You are inexperienced and Astarion imagines teaching you how to suck him off- your wide, beautiful eyes looking up at him eagerly as he praises you for being such a good girl for him.  

  His breath hitches when he runs his thumb over the head and applying a bit of pressure over his slit, his hips bucking upward and his brain paints the beautiful picture of him thrusting into your mouth- guiding your movements by grasping your hair as gently as he possibly can as he gets closer and closer to his peak. 

  In this fantasy- you moan around his mouth and you are touching yourself while taking his whole length until he hits the back of your throat. You wear his shirt like you are now- nipples pert, your breasts swaying as he thrusts into you. Your eyes are lustful, hazy, and wanting.

  Astarion’s head goes back by instinct- a breathy moan escaping his mouth and he’s thinking about what it might be like to be inside you. What it would be like to finally connect with someone he adores intimately. 

  He imagines exploring every single inch of you- finding what makes you wet and wanting for him. Astarion will ruin you for any other lover- his tongue teasing your clit and lapping up your juices like a man dying of thirst. 

 Astarion wants- no, needs- you to be crying out his name and telling him how you will only ever be his like he will only ever be yours. 

(Smut ends)

  He reaches his peak much faster than he anticipated- the release feeling like heaven. Astarion pants as he stares up at the ceiling, entirely blissed out. 

 Now that was incredible. He can understand why people enjoy it from time to time.

 His mind continues to think of you and it gets caught on the words the elderly woman had said earlier today- about how you were lucky to have him and vice versa. Astarion let’s his brain indulge for a millisecond before locking the thought back into the “we aren’t going to talk about this right now, self!” box.

 Althaeastra “Birdie” Ancunín. She would want a nice, but simple ring- nothing gaudy, he pauses his thoughts, or maybe she needs one simple ring and one gaudy one. Especially with her ability to pick up music again. What if she has to dress especially nice for an occasion? The ring should at least be able to tell people all the way out in the courtyard that she is spoken for. 

  He pushes his guilty pleasure thoughts aside. You are his dearest and closest companion- he will not screw that up by making you feel like you have to be in a relationship with him or like you have to jump into something right away. You just started your life and why would Astarion be your top pick? He’s a disaster- with or without you. 

  Well, the bliss was wonderful while it lasted. Now he’s just sad.

  After cleaning up- Astarion finds himself leaning against the door frame, jealous of the warm rays of sun that get to kiss your face first thing this morning. You are still asleep and don’t stir when Astarion climbs back into bed behind you. 

  One day, he will tell you his feelings, but for now? Astarion is going to try to go back to sleep.

***********************************************************************

Author note: Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are always appreciated! Please let me know if you would like to be on the tag list! I am using the Ghostwalk campaign for NPCs, locations, etc. It is a 3e Campaign and doesn’t mirror 5e Ghosts. I have tweaked some of the ghost powers and such for the sake of the story, but if you would like more information on Ghostwalk and the City of Manifest, there is a PDF online that is free to download :)

Tag List: @n3rdybirdee @fandomarchiveilyd @dajeong @hotmesshobbit @godoffuckedupcats @bitchstarion @hereliesblackdragon @pebble-bb @preciouslittlebhaalbae @lavvyan @beepersteeper

[thelemoncoffee]

excuse me i'm just going to just copy/paste some rambling i sent on discord and call it a post. this is loooonnggg and kinda incoherent

stupid self indulgence is stupid but sometimes i think about an au where half way through his second year at HPA, Kokichi decides to drop out because he can't keep up with the image he made for himself. like he spends a whole year and a half being the asshole class clown of the class, but this is on top of having nearly dropped out of his previous school (hc: military adjacent) because they didn't like him there either due to his differing ideals for what a leader looks like. he's human and despite being very good at covering up his pain, there's still only so much he can take, so when he finally reaches that breaking point he drops out of HPA and just goes home

he told no one at HPA, just one day he was there and the next he's gone and never comes back again. he spends his time at home doing more with his families, both DICE and blood, as well as trying to find himself a job that doesn't suck major balls. he's lowkey depressed that he gave up so hard on his dream of becoming the best leader he could possibly be, but the road to it he'd been carving was insanely self destructive because he by nature can't follow the rules.

i can just kinda imagine the conversation he had with his parents about it before dropping out. his explanation is; 1) he isn't being taught new things on how to be a leader because HPA expects him to just figure it out on his own with the tools they give him. 2) he can't get but one person in the whole school to actually follow his lead (Gonta) and he thinks he's far too nice of a person to be dragged around like that. 3) because of his paranoia no one there really likes him so he's constantly fighting with people and digging his hole deeper- which he fully take credit for, he knows it's his fault- and if he were to ever stop no one would believe him at this point and it wouldn't change how they see him. 4) he's doing all of this just for a little paper that says he's the former ult leader, but really what the fuck kind of job would accept a vague ass title like that- and even if they did how many would his leadership actually be fit for?

to him, he's failed his mission to become the greatest leader, and he knows it's he himself who's to blame. DICE also can't last forever because while they may remain friends, they'll all grow up and get their own jobs they gotta focus on, some have already, and what little leadership he has to his name will fizzle away into weekend hangouts. he decides maybe he can go to a collage instead to get a degree in something he's good at, maybe a few different ones- just rummage through his bag of skills till he finds something that works. i really really like thinking about Kokichi's self image and how it affects how he handles being outside of HPA

i imagine he'd still have contact with only two people in total from HPA; Miu and Kaz (Kaz makes sense in my hcs i swear). Shuichi ended up finding out about what had happened to Kokichi from Miu and decided to try and get into contact with him again, which surprised the hell out of Kokichi because he thought Shuichi would be one of the people glad to see him gone- what with all the headaches and bullshit he put him through. little did he know- Shuichi's just as stubborn as he is……. and also he fell hard for him but that's totally beside the point

this is mostly about Kokichi's struggle, Shuichi prying his way back into his life is just a very pleasant bonus that makes Kokichi's life a little less hell. forces him to learn to open up to people again, something he failed to do with anyone at hpa in this au. the last time he opened up to someone that wasn't already in his close circle was when he was 16 and saved what would later become the final member of DICE, many got close but something usually stopped it before he could fully open up, making him want to open up even less

Shuichi's new. he stubborn, and really patient with him, and refuses to leave but doesn't push either. he's just there, waiting for him. he's not trying to forcefully help Kokichi better his life, but he's also not leaving him alone. he makes sure Kokichi knows he's always there for him, even if he doesn't take his help, so Kokichi can't just block him out like he tried before. luring him like a spicy kitten, he's got support, but Kokichi's gotta make an effort himself. the only thing Shuichi really ever makes any effort to push a little is trying to get Kokichi to come back to HPA, saying it's strange without him there and many people actually miss him despite what he thinks they think of him

i think it'd be wholesome if Kokichi decided to come back for the final year after both spending the last half his second year and the whole summer trying to fix his shit, and getting into contact with Kirigiri to confirm that yes he's allowed to come back without having to make up the lost time- if Rantaro can be gone half the year on trips Kokichi can be gone half a year for mental health.

actually imagine from the class's pov: half way through the year the chaos clown vanishes and it's not until like a month later everyone finds out via Miu and Shuichi that he's gone for good, then you spend the remainder of the year without him and it feels really off without his presence and some people kinda realize they didn't hate him as much as they thought, then finally you start your final year at HPA and THE CLOWN'S BACK!! but he's not the same, like some serious shit happened to him while he was gone and he's clearly not the same guy anymore… or he is, but you've never seen this side of him before, and he seems to be nervous to share it with everyone. he's the same, but totally different. he's still pranking people and telling jokes, but there's something broken and nervous there. he still lies but they're played more as jokes instead of the vile front they were before, and there's a noticeable decrease in their quantity. it's still Kokichi, but unlike before you cannot almost mistake him for a sunday cartoon villain in behavior- it's just too real, too lived, too human

but it really depends and i can see him not going back despite Shuichi's pleas too, im just a sap and i like the healthy wholesome stuff where he gets better instead of sulking in a puddle of depression

also not as important but if you want Kokichi can tell Shuichi he'll agree to come back to HPA if Shuichi pulls his shit together- ie; my hc Shuichi also has masking issues where he pretends to be a highly agreeable people pleaser and bottles all his anger and lets himself be a pushover, and Kokichi knows this so he only makes the deal if Shuichi can better himself the way Kokichi has been. mutual luring into healthier lives. it'd also mean Shuichi comes back from summer break a bit different as well and continues to become more different over the year

okay i'm done now

[phenomenalgirl9]

Wonwoo x Reader: Night and Day

Summary: Where you find the quiet waiter working in your father's in really cute, however he's not so quiet and shy all the time.

A/n: First Seventeen fic!!! Btw Wonwoo is kind of a cultivator (from chinese ancient dramas) but idk if everyone will get the reference so I used the word "demon hunter" not "slayer" cause that a whole different concept. This was a request from my friend, and I hope I could do justice to him and the idea :)

W/c: 2.6k

_____________________________________

You were sitting on your father's inn's roof to watch people, it's your normal routine on quiet days. If this was around meal time the restaurant area would be filled with borders and visitors and you'd have to go down to help your mother in the kitchen. You looked down as the quiet guy that works for your father as a waiter and shook your head when you found him getting bullied by one of the regulars, again. You walked to the stairs and got down, and greeted the customer, eyeing the new woman he brought in today. "Sanghyeon ssi, I hope your wife is doing well" you said, cocking your head and looking him in the eye and he shut up. His wife was one of the main vegetable suppliers of the inn. What a shame his wife was probably working hard in their fields while here he is roaming with Adultresses and bullying poor waiters. You thought to yourself "May I know what's wrong" you then asked and he simply shook his head. You looked to the side to find Wonwoo standing there small and quiet, with his head down. His white robes tied and tucked nicely under his grayish blue half robe. His white sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, round glasses sat on his nose bridge that compliments his face. 

"Let's go" you told him "Please enjoy your meal," you said with a light bow and walked off. "Don't let them bully you like that. Speak up" you told him and he simply nodded and almost ran off. You didn't notice but his ears were already red with his interaction with you. 

He snuck a glass at you from behind the kitchen blinds and you sat down on one of the empty tables to read a book. He watched the way your eyes shone as you read with a hint of a smile adorned on your lips. He noticed the way you pulled your hair behind your ear as your new haircut always covers your eyes, hair coming in the way while you're reading. 

"Wonwoo~" he heard a name call from inside the kitchen and he rushed to work. 

You were reading a romantic book to find some inspiration. However, the protagonist kept reminding you of someone, someone you love to watch. His intent gaze, wordless nods and silent eyes, sometimes he sits and stares up at the sky and you wish you could know what he was thinking of. You blushed when you realised all this you have been thinking. You walked back to your spot in the roof and started writing:

In a world of vibrant voices echoing afar,

There lived a quiet boy, like a distant star.

His soft-spoken nature, an enigmatic grace,

Embracing silence, with a gentle embrace.

He wandered through life, a thoughtful observer,

Immersed in solitude, an inward explorer.

His mind a sanctuary, where dreams would unfold,

And secrets whispered, like stories untold.

You smiled when you were done, and you suddenly heard some commotion from downstairs. Now, this was unlikely because it was over dinner time, by now the inn should have been closed and your mother, father and you were supposed to be off on your way home as it's your brother's turn to stay the night. You got down to find a noble man and his wife and attendants checking into the inn. 

"Y/n go home, we'll have to stay and attend them, they're paying great" your mother whispered, you didn't want to stay back so you set off for home. Your home is a cottage just on the extended end of the market. You love it as it's surrounded by nature away from the hussle of the town. But today the walk was rather eerie and extremely quiet, as if the general sounds of the forest were also silent. Suddenly, you heard rustling, you looked around to not find anything. Again, the sound was heard and it's from the trees and bushes just in front of you to the left. Only if you could go a bit more you'd reach home, but now you're alone in the middle of nowhere and helpless, the only minus point of your house decides to come into play the exact night you were walking home alone. A lot of missing people and dead people have been reported on the other part of town since the last two weeks, you remembered and shuddered, you don't really want to end up on those missing posters. 

You heard the sound of footsteps and strain your eyes to look through the darkness to see a figure standing, still as dead, it was as if surrounded with darkness, the eyes (or at least where they supposed to be) show red. Everything in you screamed RUN but you couldn't, your feet felt heavy and tears stung your eyes. Is this how you die?

"Get back!" You heard a sound of a heavy voice and a man in black hanbok literally jumped in front that thing and you, his back faced towards you. He ran at that thing and engaged with it attacking it, a sword in hand. What is going on?, you thought as you tried to step back, when your feet could finally move. The man was finally able to piece his sword through that thing(after receiving lots of blows and scratches) and it started to shudder and burn from within. What is happening?!

The man then suddenly turned and the face shocked you, Wonwoo? He came extremely close within the blink of an eye and you heard his voice clearly as he said "don't roam alone in the night, it's unsafe" right into your ears as you were too stunned to speak. You felt a pressure on your neck and suddenly saw darkness. 

The next thing you know is opening your eyes in your bed as your brother called your name repetitively. "What is it Mingyu?" You asked, "Were you drinking last night?" He asked trying to sniff bard into the air, "why are you in your good robes, sleeping in the living room?" He asked with an amused expression. "I was feeling tired, so I thought to…. Rest a bit here, but I fell asleep. How was the night?" You asked trying to change the subject. "It was so tiring! That man is so demanding and he's gonna stay for three more nights. Mom has already gotten fresh and gone. You go and help them and let me catch some sleep" he said and you rushed to get freshen up and go to the inn. As you entered the inn you saw Wonwoo and Jeonghan serving. Suddenly, last night's occurrences flashed in front of your eyes and you were stunned. Was that all true or a dream? You don't even remember reaching home? What was that thing? What is Wonwoo? Before you could think any further your mother called you inside to help. You and your brother worked as your parents rested to work through the night as the Noble man might just want a baked duck in the middle of the night.  

Thus, here you were walking home with your friend Seungkwan telling him all about the previous night and how Wonwoo has been very smartly avoiding you the whole day and Seungkwan asked "Are you sure you were awake? You didn't chug a peg or two or six?". "No!" You refused "I know what and whom I saw" you said "besides you saw the way he was walking slowly and those scratches on his arm he was trying so hard to cover, they all match I saw him fight" you added. "You're parents and brother won't be home right?" He asked and you nodded. "Then let's go investigate" he said and pulled you towards a different road. "You know where he lives?" You asked as you whisper-yelled."Girl, I know everything" he said "and by your description it was a demon, if what you said is true then it means Jeon Wonwoo is a Demon hunter. Why would he hide it?" He said and suddenly you pressed a hand on his mouth, a figure stepped out of the house. It was actually nobody other than the person in question. In a black hanbok, his wide shoulders were evident. The intricate golden thread design all expanded and his back held his sword. You looked at Seungkwan who's eyes were wide in shock, he removed your hand from his mouth and lipped 'you were right?!' and you shrugged. Before either of you realised Wonwoo had disappeared. "Where did he go?" You both stood up and looked around "He's a hunter, of course he disappeared" Seungkwan said and suddenly you heard a thud and before you could turn you felt a metal on your neck "Gotcha" he whispered near your ear sending chills down his spine and then there was darkness.

When you felt water sprinkled on your face you jolte up! "You!” you told him "you keep knocking me out!" You complained, then looked around to find yourself on the river bank. Wonwoo calmly sitting beside you at a feet distance. "What?" You asked, as you found him looking at you wordlessly. "Some bravery you have to be in the middle of nowhere at night again alone. That too with that sword bearing good for nothing lover of yours" he scoffed. "First Seungkwan isn't my lover he is my friend and second don't say it like that" you frowned. "I didn't mean to offend you. And I didn't know, I just heard the villagers-" he stopped. "Yeah, me and Seungkwan grew up together, his house was the closest one to mine and the only one on this path, the village children used to call us weirdos and never played with us, so it was pretty much me, him and my brother. And he's not into swords, it's just a family thing for him" you said "Wait. Where is he?! Is he safe!" You suddenly remembered and panicked. "Don't worry he's inside my protected circle of talismans nothing can cross it" he assured you, something within you trusted him. You noticed his features more clearly now that the specs are gone. His handsomely sculpted face and the gravity in his eyes. "Why do you hide?" You asked him finally, "I don't hide, I just try to blend in well so I don't stand out. I don't want to gain attention" he said shrugging and you nodded. 

_____________________________________

You watched as Wonwoo walked around serving, the way his demeanor is so different from what you saw the previous night. He passes by you in the same manner he always does in a shy way, you can't help but think how he is both the shy boy with glasses, but also an intimidating man with a sword. 

In the realm of passion, behold a boy,

With stormy hues in his wistful eyes,

Where lightning sparks, an infernal joy,

A tempest within, no disguise.

In those depths, an untamed tempest brews,

A wild force, relentless, undeterred,

The raging winds dance, their primal cues,

Unleashing power with each whispered word

You wrote, you couldn't help but feel warmer now that you know him more than the others, you've seen him more. You met him by the river two days later, you talked about the sun and the moon, the Ajjhumma's tasty mandu that you get in the town's square, your favorite poems by Lan An. You told him about your childhood and he told you how he was, and how he ran away from home 3 years ago and never returned. He had walked you home that night, you had a smile on your face the whole time the next day. He was still shy in front of people, he told you he feels nervous in front of people, but you bring in a sense of comfort in him. 

_____________________________________

1 month later

You often met Wonwoo at night by the river, Mingyu had once asked you where you were going one night and you made up an excuse and bribed him to keep his mouth shut. Since the past week there have been many missing cases so Wonwoo had told you not to leave your house at night, there was a demon on loose in the woods. However today Wonwoo himself didn't turn up to work, it was around midday and he still hadn't come to the inn and your worst thoughts were taking control. Seungkwan tried to calm you but it didn't work, you finally told your parents that you weren't feeling well and left. You speedily walked towards his house with Seungkwan following close behind, and found his door unlocked, tears stung your eyes as you rushed inside, you found Wonwoo lying motionless inside and you ran to him. He was breathing, it was light but his pulse was there. You quickly tried to pick him and made him lie on his bed, you checked and he was running fever, he had several scratches on his arm. 

"Kwannie! Do something" you said in panic. "I'll get a doctor," he said but you stopped him. "You said you knew everything and I know you know about medicines. We can't let anybody know about him, he didn't want that" you said and tears flowed down he was in pain, it was evident on his face. "Wait wait, take off his robes, I know a few herbs that could help him," Seungkwan said. You couldn't think you followed his instructions. You whispered an apology and undid his robes and found more bruises, and then noticed one wound on his stomach that was turning blueish, demon poison, you had heard from Seungkwan that some demons had poisons. Seungkwan quickly came back and prepared the medicine, and you pulled the unconscious man up and applied the concoction. You applied cold wet cloth on his forehead and Seungkwan kept a check on his pulse, by sunset it was steady, Seungkwan promised to sneak you out of the house in the morning and sent you home. "He is sleeping, I'll keep a constant eye in him, trust me, go home before your mother arrives and we're both in trouble, I'll make some excuse at home tomorrow" he assured and you reluctantly went back. 

You couldn't sleep even for a moment, your mind was clouded with thoughts, the wounds, bruises, his face when he was in pain. Your heart had stopped for a moment when you first found him lying on the ground, your heart still aches and something told you it will stay that way until you see him awake.

Its been 2 days, since you and Seungkwan took turns and looked after Wonwoo. You felt your heart empty when you looked at him, you sat at a corner of his cottage and leaned your head on the wall. You didn't realise how tired you were and fell asleep. You woke to the sound of shuffling and opened your eyes to scream. It was the man Jeon Wonwoo himself back from almost his death. He slowly brought his hands and brushed off your bangs out of the way from your eyes. "I don't like this haircut, your eyes are always hidden, I can't look at them from far" he said and tears welled up in your eyes. You stood up and hugged him as you sobbed into his chest as he caressed your hair. "Don't scare me like that" you scolded him as he apologized to you. That was when it clicked what situation you were in and you jumped back away from him. For so long he was unconscious and you never noticed his actual wide shoulders, that seemed so strong. His strong muscular arms and the many old scares that told stories of his bravery. Jeon Wonwoo was a beautiful man, you concluded. 

"Hey Y/- AAAAHHH OH MY GOD!" you heard Seungkwan curse and screech as the two of you broke into laughter. 

_____________________________________

Masterlist

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Please don't make any sudden moves (you don't know the half of the abuse)

Or the AU in which WWX isn't as touchy as in canon

Warnings: implications of mental and physical abuse

Hopefully posting it properly this time because Tumblr got me fucked up the first time

But Lan Wangji has been spending enough time with Wei Ying, around him, to see the momentary flinch he's trying so hard to suppress, the flash of panic in his eyes every time someone else tries to initiate any kind of physical contact with him.

Wei Ying flinches.

Lan Wangji has keen eyes, and he notices things that others may not. And it's his keen eyes that see it - because otherwise, it's nearly impossible to pick up on if you don't know where to look.

Wei Ying flinches like somebody for whom touch has only been painful.

Lan Wangji knows, because he has seen it before.

Some of his cousins, react like that too, after they've been disciplined one too many times.

Even brother reacts like that sometimes. He's never told Wangji why, but it's not hard to guess. Especially as some of the elders do recount the unruly days of the First Jade out loud over tea every now and then, and applaud themselves for having disciplined him.

Lan Wangji knows what that means. He's been good - outstandingly, exceptionally good all his life so he could avoid it.

But Wei Ying isn't a Lan. The Jiang sect isn't like them. Jiang Wanyin doesn't flinch.

Why does Wei Ying?

They're in the library again.

Wei Ying is writing down the rules - or whatever it is that he's doing - and Lan Wangji finds himself studying the other carefully. There are no visible signs on his body, no marks or brands or anything. Even when they shared the cold springs, Lan Wangji didn't see anything out of place.

(Not that he looked that carefully over Wei Ying's naked glistening skin... but! Bruises and scars attract attention... but there were none.)

Wei Ying acts like his usual, unbothered self, humming as he writes, not a shadow of anything negative on his face.

It doesn't make sense.

He hands Lan Wangji some silly drawing an hour later, and when, irritated with the incessant noise of Wei Ying asking him all sorts of things, he angrily reaches over the table, towards Wei Ying, to throw the paper away - he sees it again.

The barely suppressed flinch, the wide eyes, the fear.

It makes Lan Wangji's stomach churn.

"Wei Ying..."

He doesn't reply, not knowing whether to open his mouth or keep quiet, eyes darting quickly between the paper and Lan Wangji.

He speaks as if he's weighing the words a hundred times before they come out, and he's watching Lan Wangji's reactions with a very poorly concealed panic.

“S-sorry...um... I didn’t think you’d actually get so angry with me... I was just trying to tease you a bit like I always do... I’ll just... go over there and finish my work now...”

Lan Wangji is left with even more questions now - and with the terrible realization that Wei Ying is... Wei Ying is scared of him.

Scared of him too.

"I wasn't- actually angry." He finally finds it in himself to speak a few agonizing minutes later. "Don't - you have no reason to be afraid of me." An attempt at a comforting smile. "I'll never hurt you."

Wei Ying stares at him, his eyes stormy and unreadable, before they slowly fill with tears that Wei Ying can't blink away.

"Sorry, I- I don't know why I..." he's quick to wipe the little droplets off his cheeks, despite the many that follow. "I... nobody ever noticed..."

"I am here, Wei Ying. If you wish to talk-"

Lan Wangji finds himself pulled into a hug over the little writing table, feels Wei Ying's tears fall against the side of his neck.

"I know you hate touching but... can we stay like this for a little while?"

"It is not comfortable."

And so, Lan Wangji easily pulls Wei Ying into his lap and refuses to think anything traitorous of the position they're in now.

Wei Ying burrows in his chest, wonders if he's dreaming or if something is possessing Lan Wangji right now - but decides to bask into it nevertheless.

"I've never been afraid of you, Lan Zhan. I'll never be."

---

There is war, bloodshed, Wei Ying disappears for three months and returns more dead than alive.

This time, he doesn't allow Lan Wangji to comfort him.

Wei Ying flinches again.

[bookshelf-dust]

the ones in red are always the prettiest.

gareth emerson x fem!henderson!reader.

word count: 4,215

warnings: swearing, pining, mentions of smoking, eddie playing matchmaker, the sweetest most disgustingly adorable fluff

a/n: i’m kind of in love with this, which doesn’t happen often. it felt easy to write too, if that makes sense. i hope you like it as much as i do!! <333

————

You don’t have friends. At least not really. Not anymore. You keep to yourself: go to class, study as best as you can, try and take care of yourself sometimes even. But you have got Dustin.

Dustin may be three years younger than you, but he’s remains your best friend. You tell him everything, and he knows you better than anyone. He is your one confidant.

Yeah, there may be some things that you don’t tell him, but he sort of knows, in a way. He’s always been smart as a whip. Like how lonely you are. How hard things can get. But he notices. Notices when you shy away from him, sink into yourself.

Yet he’s always there. Always. So when he started high school with you—his beginning, your ending—and found the Hellfire Club, it was like a dream come true. He’d found more kids like him to nerd out with, not that he didn’t nerd out with you, because he did. But he’d found his people. His own little group. And you were over the moon for him.

But that did take him away from you a bit. What with the initiations at the beginning of the year, new members and whatnot, the numerous and lengthy campaigns, Dustin simply making friends and having fun, you just didn’t see him as much. Didn’t have as much time to talk to him. But you were okay with that, because he was so happy.

————

Dustin was sitting at the Hellfire table, today sandwiched between Eddie and Lucas. You’d packed him a lunch this morning when you packed yours, because he’d said he was staying after school for a club meeting, and you wanted to make sure he had enough food, what with how late they could sometimes run.

The cafeteria food wasn’t always the best, and if he was going to be there extra long, he needed some snacks. Seeing Gareth and Mike sit down with trays full of whatever that was supposed to be, he was grateful for your gesture. Dustin dug around for the cookie he wanted, and snagged it, realizing you’d accidentally thrown two in there. So of course, being himself, he wanted to give it to you.

Dustin’s head shot up from where he’d been looking down, his eyes locating you sat at the table he’d been taken away from at the beginning of the year. Your neck was bent, nose buried in a book, and you were occasionally picking through your lunch pail. She needs this cookie, Dustin thought to himself. He hopped up, not thinking anything of it, ignoring the “Where’s he going?” and “Hey! You almost knocked my drink over!” that followed his change in seating.

You resisted the urge to flip your shit over the way Mr. Darcy was treating Elizabeth at the moment. Not that it was necessary, seeing as you'd read the book more than was healthy. Your page flipped with the gust of air that followed Dustin's aggressive flop as he sat down on the bench across from you. "How's Fitzwilliam today?"

"Prickish," you told him. "As al--" "As always," Dustin interrupted and finished for you. You grinned at him, closing the book, but keeping your thumb in to mark the page. "Need something, Dusty?"

He held out the cookie with both hands, bowing his head. "For you, my liege."

"Why, thank you kind sir." Dustin giggled at you, always willing to indulge him, and held his hand out for a high-five, which you reciprocated, before he scrambled back to his table.

"What was that all about?" Eddie inquired, shoving the last of a half-assed turkey sandwich in his mouth, wiping the crumbs on his knees before remembering that was where the holes in the denim were, making him steal Gareth's napkin. Gareth flipped him the bird.

"Just being a kind sibling. Figured she could use a nice gesture." Dustin adjusted the hat on his head. "I don't see how the two of you are related," Gareth started, "She's so quiet, and you're so—"

"Enthusiastic," Eddie finished.

"She's always been shy, but I think the quiet thing came after she got to high school."

"How's that?" Gareth popped the tab on his Dr. Pepper. "She had a pretty tight friend group in middle school, but they sort of grew apart. They got boyfriends, became cheerleaders, clones of one another. She didn't. She likes to read and doesn't give a shit about being popular—that's how we're related—and so I think the more independent she's become has made her eternally quiet. But she's kind of like us, actually, like when she gets excited about something. She's quite the nerd." Eddie smiled genuinely at Dustin, admiring the way he spoke about you, since most people didn't talk about their siblings like that. Mike certainly didn't.

Gareth glanced at you from where you finished off a bag of Ruffles, tipping the dregs into your mouth. Yeah, you were definitely related to Dustin. You dug around in your bookbag, pulling a red flannel on over your t-shirt. It was the same red as Gareth's vest. He pretended like that didn't affect him and went back to the Goldfish he'd gotten from the vending machine.

————

Dustin futzed with his hair in his bedroom mirror while you adjusted his makeshift 'X' belt buckle. He then tugged his hoodie down down, tucking the front into his yellow sweats to display the black emblem. "Here." You handed him his costume glasses.

You'd even sprayed a little blue in his hair for effect. He was the best Hank McCoy you'd ever seen. Dustin and his friend group had decided to go as assorted X-Men this Halloween, and the two of you had worked very hard on his costume. He'd begged you to join in, and you couldn't say no to him, so here you were with a huge white streak of hair on your head, attempting to be your very best Rogue.

You'd made your hair as big and curly as possible, and even spent a little extra on your temporary white hairspray so that it would last, a black headband pushed up your forehead to top it off. Your yellow top was tucked into green corduroy's, which matched the green bomber jacket you'd found at the thrift store. You'd dug out some worn in yellow converse, and Dustin had helped you make 'X' patches for your jacket and shirt.

Lucas and Max were supposed to be Scott and Jean, with Mike having chosen Sean Cassidy. You'd heard he'd been slaving over his Banshee 'wings.'

Some might think that all of you were too old for trick-or-treating, but none of you gave a shit. The plan was to hit the rich neighborhoods, traumatize tiny children, and then you were driving the group to Jeff's house for a Halloween party. Eddie had warned that if you didn't show up in costume, you weren't allowed in.

With a successful haul, you pulled into the driveway, nervous. "Are you sure it's okay for me to be here?" You looked at your brother in the passenger seat.

"Are you kidding? They invited you! They think it's cool that my sister likes Halloween as much as they do. You're gonna be great!" He smiled at you, adding an aggressive thumbs up for encouragement.

————

"Holy shit! You guys look great!" Jeff shouted as he opened the door, ushering all of you in. Jeff was covered in various makeshift nuts and bolts and stitches, opting for a very well albeit lazily crafted Frankenstein. When Eddie appeared, he was draped in a red and green sweater, and turning his cheek, he had some fake scar wax adorning the skin of his cheek. Although his knife fingers were only on his left hand as he waved at the lot of you. "Ladies first," he drawled.

"Thanks, Fred." You wandered into the kitchen in search of a drink as Dustin and his friends mingled. You didn't want to be the obnoxious older sister tonight, especially since he'd invited you to hang out with him and his friends.

You poured your drink, and were digging in the candy bowl when a voice interrupted you. "Wow, things must've really downhill with Xavier if Rogue is hangin' out with us." You looked up to find Gareth grinning at you.

You snorted. "I'm just here for the candy. Hank doesn't like to share." You let your eyes wander over his Dracula costume. His curls were extra defined tonight, and he'd clearly had the same idea as you, with a good bit of black spray weaved in with his natural brown. He was wearing all black under his cape, the red of the underside a stark contrast. Just looking at his cape, you could tell it was well-made and probably expensive. Given the boy, this probably wasn't the first time he'd used it.

He had rings on almost every finger, a dangly stake-like object hanging from one ear. But his fangs were the best part. They weren’t the plastic ones you bend and shove in your mouth, or comically oversized canines. They were small attachments on either of his own teeth, and were just big and sharp enough to be convincing. Honestly, he looked hot. You'd let him suck your blood.

Gareth laughed in response. It was hearty and sweet, and you hadn’t heard nearly enough of it. “Well, I like the costume. Looks good on you.” Oh shit. You were blushing now, weren’t you? You totally were.

“Thanks. I like yours too. The cape is very nice.” You popped a Dum-Dum into your mouth, and Gareth almost choked on his drink watching it move around in your mouth.

“Really? I’m glad you said so because I spent way too much money on it. I’ve been Dracula for the past like, four years, so I decided to at least make it look like I tried.”

“Well I think it’s very cute. It suits you,” you told him, popping candy in your pockets for later.

“Would you like to play a game? I think someone’s setting up Monopoly and you can see Eddie get mad when he loses.” Gareth grinned at you.

“Sure. I’d like that a lot.” He held out his hand, which you took, trying not to think about how nice the calluses felt against your skin, and lead you down to the basement, which you realized was where everyone else had gone off to.

————

The Monopoly game ended up being much shorter than intended because Eddie got pissed that he was broke ten minutes in and flipped the board with a “I hate this shit!” and laugh.

You were now playing Guess-Who? with Gareth, Max sitting beside you and Dustin sitting beside him, both of whom were finding great joy in the shitty descriptions either of you offered—you trying to make them as vague as possible.

“Do they have red hair?” Gareth asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe more of a chestnut.” You grinned at him and he slapped his hand to his forehead.

“You’re an asshole,” he told you, smiling whilst he did so.

“Yes, they have red hair Mr. Emerson.” You watched him flick down a couple of panels, eyes lingering on his fingers for probably too long. You heard a cough, and turned your head to see Max smirking at you, and then you were blushing again. “Fuck off,” you whispered to her. She shook her head at you.

It was your turn again. “Hmm. Is it Andrew?” You looked up from your board at Gareth, who was already looking at you. He had a look of betrayal on his face. “Yes, Y/N. It’s fucking Andrew.” You clapped your hands in triumph, sitting up on your knees to give Max a high-five.

“You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?” He flicked down all of the panels on both of your boards, putting them back in the box. “‘S not my fault you suck at this game.” He scoffed playfully at you.

“What do I win?” You inquired.

“What do you think? Jack shit.” You rolled your eyes and pulled a 3 Musketeers out of your pocket and tossed it at Dustin. He caught it, thanking you, and then he and Max went off elsewhere.

“I don’t get any candy?”

“Get your own, Emerson.”

“No, I don’t think I will. What’ve you got in there, huh?” You stood, trying to fend off the candy thief.

“Nothing. I ate it all.” You continued to back up as he stood. Nothing about this was serious, though, considering the shit-eating grins on either of your faces.

He was on you in a second, gently pushing you onto the couch, tickling your sides to coerce your hands from your pockets. It worked, and you raised your hands in surrender, ready to give up your candy stash to him. He tickled you for just a minute longer, realizing he’d never heard you laugh like this before, realizing how much he liked it.

He gave up, searching your pockets, pulling free a handful of Kit-Kats and peanut butter cups. “Thanks, princess.” He tickled your side again and planted a kiss on your forehead before plopping down beside you and throwing a leg over yours.

Across the room, Eddie looked at Jeff. “You seein’ this?” Jeff nodded.

“I think our boy’s in deep,” Eddie told him, snubbing out his cigarette.

————

You pulled into the Hawkins High parking lot driving around to park outside of the doors where Dustin usually came out. You pressed the light on above your head so you could see your book, considering Dustin was always late no matter what time he told you to pick him up. A little while later, you heard the doors open, but didn’t look up, knowing he’d find his ride eventually.

Turns out, that was everyone else leaving. Gareth and Dustin had stayed to clean up, and when they finally got outside Dustin followed Gareth to his car so he could pick up some extra dice from him.

Gareth hopped in the driver’s seat, leaning over to open the glove box, but he decided to turn the car on first and let it warm up. And nothing. It wouldn’t start. Dustin asked him if it was something or other, but Gareth stopped him. “No, man. I know exactly what it is. The fuckin’ battery has been on its last leg forever. I guess tonight it decided to depart for good.” Gareth mumbled a “Shit,” under his breath as he grabbed the dice, but when he turned around, Dustin was gone.

The thud of hands on the window startled you and made you jump. Dustin yanked the door open. “Gareth’s car won’t start! You’re the only one left. Think we can give him a ride home?” By that point, the boy in question had made his way over looking for Dustin.

“Dude! Don’t just offer that up to her! She’s probably got shit to do.” He stopped in front of the two of you. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to. I can call Eddie or my mom or something.”

You shook your head. “No, it’s totally fine. I’m right here and there’s no reason for you to do that. I can take you home.”

“You sure?” You told him you were, and told Dustin he had to sit in the back, ignoring his protests.

It really wasn’t a problem, he only lived a little past you and Dustin, and it didn’t bother you to drive an extra five minutes. Not for him. You were about halfway there when Dustin exclaimed, “That son of a bitch! Piece of shit!” from the backseat.

“What?” You asked, confused, but used to his antics.

“We have to stop at Mike’s. He’s got my folder! The one with all the character sheets! I think my math homework is in there too. Can we please? It’s on the way!” It wasn’t. You’d have to take a detour.

Eventually, you stopped the car outside of the Wheeler’s, Dustin hopping out and barreling towards the door, leaving you and Gareth alone in the car. You’d never been properly alone with him before.

When you turned your head to look at him, he was already looking at you. He really had to stop doing that. You grinned at him and he grinned right back, eyes creasing, cheeks reddening.

“Okay, I’m gonna tell you this now before he gets back. You’re so pretty. So pretty. I’ve been thinkin’ about you since Halloween.” He started messing with the rips in his jeans, obviously nervous.

“You think that? That’s really sweet. I think you’re pretty too, Gareth.” His head jerked up to you.

“You think I’m pretty?” You nodded at him.

“Prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.” He leaned over the center console and smacked a sweet and noisy kiss on your forehead, then another on your cheek.

“Sorry. You deserved that.” You burst out laughing, finding it hard to believe he could feel this way about you, but deciding to welcome it anyhow.

The two of you just looked at each other for a few minutes, and he went to say something, just as Dustin burst back into the car. “Alright! Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

————

Dustin was eating lunch a few days later when Eddie asked him, “Why don’t you invite your sister to sit with us? She hangs around enough, feels weird to have her sit alone.” He was kinda confused at the offer, even though it made sense. Dustin just guessed maybe you liked being alone during lunch, that you wouldn’t be able to concentrate on your book with them. But he took Eddie up on the offer, pattering over to you and presenting the situation at hand.

“Dustin, I’m not going to do that and interrupt you and your friends. You don’t need me in your life like that.” He quirked a brow, realizing that you thought he didn’t want you around like that.

“What? Come on, Y/N. I want you to sit with me and my friends. Let’s go. You can bring Mr. Bingley with you and everything.” He picked up your lunch box and book for you, leading the way.

When you made it to the designated Hellfire table, Eddie pulled out the seat between him and Gareth, bending at the waist. “M’lady.” You snorted and thanked him. Dustin set your lunch down in front of you and then your copy of Pride and Prejudice, fondly patting the cover, before plopping down across from you.

Eddie smirked at himself for getting you over here, having specifically chosen your seat. He was determined to help his boy out.

“What are we reading?” Eddie asked, leaning over to read the cover. He hummed in interest, but you were positive he was just humoring you. “Would you recommend it?” You laughed.

“Only if you’re willing to explore a period romance. But you might like it, you never know.” He grinned at you, smile lines appearing around his mouth. Eddie Munson was too charming for his own good.

“It’s actually pretty good,” the voice to your right said.

You turned to look at Gareth. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Gare, but why do you know that?” He laughed.

“My sister is fond of a bedtime story and wanted me to read it to her. But when I started she had all these questions and I couldn’t answer them, so we put it on pause and then I read it so she could have the full experience.” He shook his hands for emphasis. That was so sweet you felt like you could throw up.

“What?” He was looking at you and you were looking right back, but you realized you must’ve looked how you felt: practically fucking in love.

You straightened. “Nothing. That’s just kind of lovely?” His knee bumped yours under the table, his cheeks getting increasingly more rosy by the minute. You felt like reaching out and brushing your thumb along the spattering of freckles on his nose.

“Okay, now I’m feeling left out. Would you lend it to me?” Eddie asked you, feeling properly scandalized.

“Sure, Edward. You can have it in a few days. I’m almost done anyways, but I’ve read it a hundred times. If there are crumbs in the pages, no there aren’t.”

“I don’t mind. My copy of The Hobbit is missing half of the back cover.”

For the remainder of lunch, you gladly put Jane aside to indulge the boys in all their queries addressing the so-called interests you shared with Dustin.

“Daredevil? Really?” Gareth and you had started to slip into your own conversation, the rest of them arguing over some minuscule campaign detail.

“Yeah, you don’t like him?” You finished off a bag of grapes, offering Gareth your last two.

“No, no I do! Just guess I figured you’d like Captain America or Iron Man. Didn’t have you pegged as a sucker for vigilantes.”

“Oh, I do like Cap and Iron Man. Very much so. I guess I just like the color red.” You looked down at your hands, trying not to make eye contact with him following your attempt at a flirty comment.

Your nail picking was interrupted as Gareth’s hand slipped into yours. You’d been thinking about the warmth of his palm against your own since Halloween. The way his fingers rubbed over your knuckles. How reassuring it was to be in his grasp. You looked up at his gesture. “Is that so?” He squeezed your hand, moving your clasped fingers to rest on his thigh.

“Yeah. The ones in red are always the prettiest.”

————

The noise carrying down the hall was predictable, but starting to annoy you still. You were almost finished with your English essay, but you couldn’t concentrate. Not with the loud voice of the dungeon master or dice clattering or Dustin’s ear-piercing shrieks. You didn’t want to be a dick, but you were going to have to sneak out of your room.

You opened the door, following the sound. You took in the party and all it’s glory as you weaved around the table that had been put up in the living room. They were all too immersed in the game to notice you anyhow. You made it into the kitchen, opening the cabinet and reaching up to grab medicine for the headache you now had. You’d just downed the pills when you glanced over at the table again and met Gareth’s eyes. “You okay?” He mouthed.

You tapped your head in response, finishing the last of the water in your cup before setting it in the sink. You didn’t miss the way his eyes traveled down your bare legs as you escaped back to your room.

Safely back in your place of refuge, you grabbed your keys and slipped on shoes, deciding that maybe a milkshake would help you concentrate on the rest of your homework.

You made it down the hall again, walking to the door. Your hand was on the knob when a voice said, “Where do you think you’re going? You’re supposed to be babysitting me.”

You turned around to face Dustin, everyone’s eyes on you. “None of your business, dusty bun. There are plenty of people to babysit you here anyways.” You flipped him the bird when he rolled his eyes and hurried out the door.

Sitting in your room, milkshake—which you’d snuck back into the house—almost finished, there was a knock at the door. You knew it wasn’t Dustin because he’d never knocked a day in his life—only ever shouting before busting through an entrance. “Yeah?”

The door gently pushed open, and you saw his curls before you saw the rest of Gareth. “Am I interrupting?” You nodded your head. “Yeah, but it’s okay.”

You’d finished your essay and were now doing homework for your science class before you called it a night. Gareth wandered into your room, closing the door behind him. He leaned against the desk next to you. “Need something?”

“Just wanted to see if your head was okay. I know we get loud.” You laughed at him.

“It’s better now. Besides, I’m used to it. Just couldn’t concentrate.” His eyes met your milkshake cup, and he was suddenly aghast.

He looked at you, feigning betrayal, “You snuck out to get a milkshake? I’m hurt.” Shit, his eyes were so pretty. Too pretty.

“You contributed to the headache, Gare. You want to try some? There’s a little left.”

“Sure.” He said. You took another sip and then offered it to him, but he shook his head. “Not like that.”

And then he was leaning down to meet you, fingers lifting your chin. Gareth planted his lips on yours, grinning, obviously proud of himself. His lips were softer than you expected, assuming they’d be a bit like his hands, but either way they were gone much too fast.

“Pretty damn good milkshake.” You knew you were beet red, but you didn’t care. You stood, putting your hands on his cheeks and kissing him again, smiling the whole time. When you pulled away, you ran your thumb along the freckles on his nose, like you’d been wanting to.

“That’s what I was thinking too.”

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

A Conversation with Cardinal Dolan

CHAPTER TWO: The Confessional  

Featuring the Archbishop of New York, Cardinal Timothy Dolan

It's been a month since my interview with Cardinal Dolan, the current Archbishop of New York and the subsequent article that followed in the New York Times. And I couldn't get him out of my mind since our encounter in his office. I can’t explain, except to say that he populated my dreams. At 73 years of age he stood at 6 foot, balding gray hair and blue eyes with just a hint of mischief in them. His shoulders were broad, and he had a prominent belly which only made him that much more attractive in my eyes. I relived the experience of his 7 inches, thick, veiny cock and how great it was to suck him off. The dreams were so vivid that sometimes I would wake up in a pool of cum.

The compulsion to seek him out came over me again and again. So I went to the St. Patrick’s Cathedral to see Cardinal Dolan. The church was empty, save for only Cardinal Dolan and a janitor who was on his way out for the night, as I purposefully waited until the last parishioner left before making my way to the booth. The church was empty, save for only Cardinal Dolan and a janitor who was on his way out for the night, as I purposefully waited until the last parishioner left before making my way to the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been, umm, quite some time since my last confession." I said after clearing my throat.

A thud sound came from the other side of the booth and a distinct sound of shuffling feet. I shifted nervously on my knees as I gazed up at the grating, waiting for a response.

"I'm happy to hear your voice, young man. What seems to be troubling you?" Spoke Cardinal Dolan in a gentle manner.

"Well, Your Eminence, you remember our last meeting... "  

"Vividly child, continue." Cardinal Dolan said, cutting in.

Just then, I heard the door open and decided to follow suit. Peering out the door, I saw Cardinal Dolan giving me a warm, grandfatherly grin. Looking into the old cardinal's eyes, the same eyes that looked down on me a month ago when I blew him and embraced him in a deep, passionate kiss. At first he seemed shocked. Like I had woken him from some kind of daydream. Then he seemed to come back and he started returning my kiss with equal vigor. I felt his hands grab my ass and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his cock growing hard as my own stiff cock rubbed against his silk boxers.

Suddenly as if realizing for the first time where we were, he broke our embrace and whispered, “This isn't the place for this, let’s go to my chambers.”  

We walked hastily to Cardinal Dolan’s private chamber and found ourselves on a couch making out for what seemed like hours, but was in truth only ten minutes. Suddenly he was removing his collar and unbuttoning his shirt as I slid the couch on my knees in front of him, stripping him of his pants. When I finally pulled down Cardinal Dolan’s boxers, a seven and a half-inch, super thick beast of a cock, already dripping with precum was before me.

Cardinal Dolan watched as I proceeded to lick up and down the shaft and kissing the tiny drops of emitting precum before taking the beautiful head of his dick in my mouth. He tried not to moan, but my cock sucking skills were too much for him. I deep throated his old cock and he let out a loud, deep moan, the first of many.

For the first five minutes, I bobbed my head up and down as fast as I could before moving to suck and lick the cardinal's balls. I gently stroked his cock, slapping away Cardinal Dolan’s hands, who were hell bent on jacking off his dick and reaching what was certain to be one fucking hell of an orgasm. Wanting to tease him more and did something that the priest expecting. I pushed my mouth down to his asshole and started running my moist tongue back and forth against his virgin asshole. Suddenly, Cardinal Dolan was bucking and calling out like a woman. And when I forced my tongue inside his tight old asshole, he practically squealed with pleasure.

“Oh Lord! Oh God!" Was all Cardinal Dolan could say as the rim job's pleasure put him into a state where rational thought couldn’t be attained.

Fearing that I was going to make him cum, I moved up and sucked on the engorged purple head of his cock, swirling my tongue around his boner. He started thrusting into my throat, making me gag. I went back to stroking his now wet cock before kissing up his stomach. I kissed up his belly and chest until my lips found his nipples. I sucked and pinched both nipples giving him pleasure that he has never experienced in all his years of priesthood. Cardinal Dolan clutched me in his arms and our lips met again as I continued to feed my desire.

Looking into his lustful blue eyes, I knew that he wanted to fuck my ass when he pushed two of his fingers up my hole. He finger fucked me for a few minutes and I knew that my rectum ached for Cardinal Dolan's cock to slip inside it.

"I'd sure like to fuck you." Cardinal Dolan whispered to me.

"I know, I know," I replied as his fingers massaged my prostate, "but have you ever fucked someone before."

He said no and and I said he was missing out then. And with the revelation that he was a virgin turned my passion into a frenzy of deep kisses before quickly getting up. At first I thought that he had enough, but quickly asked for some lube. He also said no to that, so I moistened my hole. Seeing my cute ass, Cardinal Dolan follow suit and spit on his hand and slicked up my old pecker the best he could. I told him I would take care of him as I climbed on top of him, reached behind myself and started playing with his cock, running it up and down my crack.

As soon as his dick made contact with my hole, he immediately thrust all 8 inches into me. I gasped loudly, so loudly in fact that I’m sure the people in the next room heard. Looking scared, he apologized and asked me if I was okay. I put both hands on his chest and started bouncing up and down on his cock, telling him he could fuck me as hard as he wanted.

The sensation was indescribable. I was in ecstasy seeing this loving priest and his old, sweaty body fucking me. I took deep breaths to delay the inevitable blissful orgasm as he heard great moans of pleasure coming from the old man popping my delicate cherry. He was panting and looking at me with a hungry desire, like I was a meal and he was starving, now match my bouncing with thrusts of his own. I could feel his huge shaft stretching the walls of my ass hole as he fucked up into me time and time again.

“Fuck me! Oh God Fuck me! Oh God Cardinal Dolan! Fuck me!” I screamed.

He pumped that hard dick into me faster making a slapping sound as his hips met my ass. I could feel his huge shaft stretching the walls of my ass hole as he fucked up into me time and time again. I could see the twinkle in his eye as he looked me square in the eye, smiled, and whispered, “I’m getting close!”

Having said that, Cardinal Dolan viciously pumped his cock continually in an out of my bowels. He kept fucking me hard and deep creating simultaneous moans of excitement and anticipation from the both of us so loud that I thought the neighbors would hear. Cardinal Dolan's cock swelled slightly again and his rhythm became erratic, my dick was vibrating with excitement and my balls were tight to my body waiting to cum.

Suddenly, with his right hand, Cardinal Dolan cupped my cock and began violently stroking it for another minute or so until I made the fateful announcement.

“Holy Fuck! I’m cuuummmmmmiiiiiinnnnnngggggggg!!!!!!!”

I shot a massive load of hot cum that landed partly on Cardinal Dolan's belly and chest. I shot four loads that were more massive than any in my life, and three others that rivaled my former best. Witnessing my massive explosion of man juice ended Cardinal Dolan’s superhuman stamina that had lasted nearly an hour from when I first bobbed on his cock.

“Get ready! Here it comes!” shouted the priest.

As wave after colossal wave of cum filled my deep crevices, Cardinal Dolan’s whole body gyrated in absolute pleasure. He lowered himself enough that we could embrace once again in a kiss that was this time like the one they experienced in the Pugh.

[wishing-stones]

hey there! first time asking and i am.. pretty nervous :') not sure how nightmare's body works for your au, but how would the boys™ react if nightmare was somehow weakened enough to have his passive body revealed under all the corruption and not die? (or yes die, if that's what you're about lol) thanks!

Awww don't be nervous! I don't bite.

Nightmare's body is largely permanently colored by the corruption, but it can weaken, and he's still a (mostly) complete, white-boned skeleton under it.

Without active corruption, Nightmare is around 5'6" (or your height) and has some damage around his right eye socket. The light still forms, but his vision isn't so great. (Still a far cry better than 'normal,' where he can't see at all). His eyelight in that socket is purple, and the one in his left is cyan, no matter what form he's in. Sometimes it'll be half-and-half, if he's especially weak or in his feelings, but he's usually got the full heterochromia thing going on.

Fortunately, it just kind of retreats into the inner void of his body/skull if it's too weak to fully encase him, so it's all or nothing with the curse/corruption. It won't kill him, but he is much more vulnerable when he's passive.

The guys would be surprised, to say the least, but they'd also make the (correct) assumption that he's not as sturdy as he usually is and should be guarded. Nightmare definitely tried to hide this, but with a bunch of intuitive, smart underlings, it's hard to maintain the illusion that 'everything's fine, I'm just going to stay in bed for a while.'

Still, no one's going to lose respect for him, or make fun of him (in any seriousness-- we all know Killer is Required By Law to give him some guff) in any real capacity. He'd get a little babied, actually, until he told them all to knock it off, and then it's only Axe who babies him. (He can't get Axe to stop.)

Everyone is sworn to secrecy, because he especially does not need Dream finding out about this. He'd never stop crying, and Nightmare doesn't want to deal with that, thank you very much.

This does happen every great so often, especially after things get reconciled with his brother. Without active malice and hatred to feed on, the corruption kind of ebbs away and 'rests' to regain strength, and then it comes back strong as ever. He's actually quite strong when it comes back because it's refreshed, and he usually feels his oats a bit when it comes back.

It's the only aspect of the curse/corruption that he can't really control. Since he doesn't have a ton of enemies anymore, or at least ones who would be able to take advantage of such a situation, it's just a mild inconvenience rather than a cause for alarm.

More little facts about this:

He sounds different while passive. If he tries really hard, he can get into his normal, deeper register, but it takes a bit. He sounds a lot younger (still an adult, but younger and higher) and gets a little bit sensitive about it, actually.

He's also sensitive about his height. He loses 8 inches or better, and he doesn't like it. Yes, he wears platforms to make himself at least taller than the others (save Axe) if he's up and about, and not sulking in his room.

He views it as an inconvenience, but he hates feeling vulnerable. He's worn the corruption so long, to not have it makes him feel naked, and it's not something he handles terribly well.

He's also more sensitive to: temperature, touch, elements, and Intent. He gets cold easily, so he's usually close to some heat source. This sometimes includes the boys, and they have cuddle-puddled to make him feel safer.

He will break out his crown and wear it. It's a newer one-- his old crown won't fit because it didn't grow with him. he wears a silver crown with a more elegant crescent moon fixture (not entirely unlike this, but solid and without decoration) with a three-quarter moon taking up the void of the crescent, leaving a small gap between the two. He also wears much less gold and much more silver, although he does wear gold with purple, since it's very regal looking.

Hand-in-hand with the above, he breaks out good fancy clothing, too, since he's not in danger of staining it, and it feels nice on not-corrupted bones. Silk, satin, velvet... very fine clothing.

He also wears a weighted cape. While he doesn't always have his tentacles out, he will over-correct for their weight when they aren't present, and he's fallen over before when turning because of it. (After Killer was done laughing, he helped devise the cape.) It's a lovely little capelet that hangs over one shoulder, but drapes otherwise evenly across the back to the small of his back.

He's usually passive for 1-2 weeks, and then it won't happen again for a couple years, if he's lucky, or 10-12 months if he's not. This only started happening once Dream broke out of the statue, so while it's a fairly new development, it's one that he's learned to deal with and has procedures for.

I mentioned it before with Dream in R&R, but his bones have kind of a pearlescent sheen to them. Dream's is warmer (like a cream pearl), but Nightmare's is cooler (like a silver pearl). They're both Demi-gods, after all.

Interestingly enough, I've been working with this idea recently.

[chairteeth]

Greek love styles as applied to Touka and Nemu

Welcome one and all to another instance of “Nahi rambles on and on about the blorbos”! This time, brought to you by my friend @abarero (her very lovely essay on this same topic except applied to Mikoto and Hanna inspired this). For those of you unfamiliar with the Greek styles of love, not to worry, I will provide definitions for each term, and I will clarify that they don’t cover only romantic love. Given my aspec TouNemu headcanons, I’d be in trouble if they did. Anyway, remember that the person writing this is both the foremost scholar in TouNemu and also probably the biggest shipper of the two, so for the best experience you will have to read this from the perspective of “yes those two are canon”. And also from the perspective of “these two are people in their universe that existed before canon and will exist beyond canon”. Oh, and spoilers for the TouNemu part of the Arc 2 finale, but I mean, I think most people are at least vaguely familiar with what happened, given PH and all that.

First of all, I call these “love styles” because that is what my teachers and mentors called them when teaching me about them (why yes Nahi is academically and culturally qualified to speak on Grecoroman stuff, unexpected I know). You may see them talked about as just different words for love, or different concepts. These styles are recognizable in people, and sometimes you can tell someone has one of them as their primary style, sometimes you can see the secondary one, there are many variables. Most people experience each of them at some point in their lives. So, let’s begin with philia:

> Philia is the kind of love that strong friends feel toward each other. However, it doesn’t stop there. The Greek philosopher Plato thought that philia was an even greater love than eros and that the strongest loving relationships were ones where philia led to eros: a “friends become lovers” situation. Our concept of platonic love—love that isn’t based on physical attraction—comes from this Platonic philosophy. Philia is a type of love that is felt among friends who’ve endured hard times together.

Fun fact, the ancient Greeks valued philia far above eros because it was considered a love between equals (in reference to the historical inequality between men and women and the historical expectation for one’s friends to be the same sex and one’s romantic partner to be the opposite, needless to say this does not apply when we’re talking about two girls). I thought philia would be a nice, comfortable, easy place to start. Because sure, Touka and Nemu used to fight when they first met, but while important, that is literally not even one fifth of their relationship.

The way Touka and Nemu developed their relationship does actually involve philia, and therefore they continue to have it later in life, like the nourishing soil for their relationship. I believe this is a vitally important and extremely strong foundation they've built. I’ve said this before elsewhere, but despite my enthusiastic shipping of the pair, I wouldn't describe them as the “typical” lovers. Because yes, there’s that, but there’s also so much more to their bond than that, and this is one of the essentials. My timeline in my head for how the relationship would’ve even happened puts the earliest possible point where they could start dating(?) at around Cherry Blossom Dreams, so that's a good half of the game canon and pre-Arc 1 where it was just mounting philia for them. Bare basics! Highly important! Plus, if you go the demi route of the aspec interpretation, they kind of need to have a strong emotional bond via philia first. Or, given that they refused to call each other friends for so long, my favorite: weird undefined thing that grows and changes but we're not gonna put a label on it exactly because it doesn’t quite fit any preexisting ones/it doesn’t feel right. Or if you want to be funny, you can call them lab partners, since that is part of what they are to each other at least during Arc 2. This entire thing is also why I most often pick “partners” as their term of preference, “partner” feels like a wider scope than “girlfriend/wife” and fits them perfectly.

Now, time for storge:

> Although storge closely resembles philia in that it is a love without physical attraction, storge is primarily to do with kinship and familiarity. It's a protective, familial love, often felt by parents toward their children and vice versa. Storge also describes the love that siblings feel towards each other, and the love felt by even more distant kin relationships, such as a grandparent for a grandchild or an uncle toward a niece. It can even be found among childhood friends that have grown up together.

Evidently, storge applies to Touka and Nemu. Between one another, yes, but I feel it especially from them towards say Iroha (and Ui, after the crush passed), towards Sakurako, or from Touka to her dad (I am not mentioning Nemu and her parents because what Nemu feels towards her parents is filial piety and desperation for love, not love). TouNemu specifically tend to feel at least a little protective of the people they love in this manner and try to look after them. Less intense than their protectiveness of each other, in part because well, other people have Others. They do not. Storge feels like it's woven into philia from their hospital days, a natural development that likely happened alongside philia in a way. Not much more to say here I think

Next up, agape:

> Agape is selfless universal love, such as the love for strangers, nature, or God. This love is unconditional, bigger than ourselves, a boundless compassion and an infinite empathy that you extended to everyone, whether they are family members or distant strangers. More interestingly, agape is often defined as unconditional, sacrificial love. The kind of love that is felt by a person willing to do anything for another, including sacrificing themselves, without expecting anything in return. According to the Greeks, this was the highest and most radical type of love. It is the purest form of love that is free from desires and expectations, and loves regardless of the flaws and shortcomings of others.

*slams hands on table* YOU SEE. The selfless love for humanity to save strangers and whatever is there with Touka and Nemu, but not really as important as other parts of agape, they have higher priorities (this part of agape I feel is way more prevalent in Ui or Iroha). Unconditional and sometimes sacrificial love for each other, though? Loving without expectations or pressure? Most definitely! Absolutely. They even do this in lesser ways with other close loved ones. I do not think I have to point out the examples from canon, they've tried to kill themselves like five times give or take, and almost always you can trace their reasoning back to love in some way (in between all the trauma and guilt), plus some decisions about the specifics of their little self-immolation schemes are so clearly made with a sense of equality, partnership with each other. The unconditional part is something that’s very important for them to receive from each other. One of the reasons they trust each other so much is precisely how much they respect the other when it comes to boundaries, as well as the lack of expectations/conditions, which I’ve talked about before in other essays I believe.

So! The funny stalker love now!

> Mania love is a type of excessive love that leads someone into madness and obsessiveness. Although not necessarily and not universal, examples of mania could be what a jilted lover feels when they are extremely jealous of a rival, the unhealthy obsession that can result from mental illness, the kind of “love” that a stalker feels toward their victim, etc. To those who experience mania, love itself is a means of rescuing themselves; a reinforcement of their own value as the sufferer of poor self-esteem. This person wants to love and be loved to find a sense of self-value. Because of this, they can become possessive and jealous lovers, feeling as though they desperately “need” their partners. If the other partner fails to reciprocate with the same kind of mania love, many issues prevail. Mania can often lead to issues such as codependency.

I mean. They absolutely have it. It’s not too major for them, or at least not in the traditional sense. I don't think it's the unhealthy sort. They do display obsessive behavior at times (usually relatively minor, but I imagine it'd be worse if they weren't constantly joined at the hip, Touka was not exactly happy when Nemu got kidnapped by former Feathers in the IroYachi event), and I've argued before with screenshot evidence that both of them are possessive with both things/concepts and people. With how their relationship map has evolved, this behavior is mostly in their heads and applies to each other the most. There's a level of entitlement to the other and defensiveness they have too, and honestly, the depths their love reaches would 100% be considered madness. I mean. Must I point at the Arc 2 finale and that very fun decision of shedding their humanity and leaving their world, lives, dreams, aspirations, legacy and memories behind to live together in space? That's not normal person behavior, especially when it involves Exploding In Public as the preamble/step 1. THAT'S NOT NORMAL PERSON BEHAVIOR… Mania is usually seen as bad because the famous examples are all one-sided and on the very extreme, but I mean, what's wrong with two-sided mania? They seem fine to me. Codependent, but surprisingly functional in spite of that—I think they feel secure in their relationship at the moment. That said, if you just did a handful of very specific things, such as, say, very bad things happening to the other every time they’re apart… well, can you really tell me it wouldn’t amp up their paranoia and possessive protectiveness? Really think about it. If you pushed the right buttons, you could easily bring the mania to the surface.

Anyway, next up, my favorite that I named a fic after (yes you should read it if you haven’t already), pragma:

> Pragma is a committed, compassionate love that often grows as two partners continue to cherish and care for each other. This type of love is associated with being together for a long time and often seen in long term best friend marriages. It's an everlasting love between a couple that chooses to put equal effort into their relationship. Commitment and dedication are required to reach this level. Instead of “falling in love,” you are “standing in love” with the partner you want by your side indefinitely. Pragma is a unique sort of closely bonded love that can only grow over time and matures over the years. A love built on commitment, mutual understanding, and long-term interests, like (the easiest example) building a family. It's very meaningful and not a bond that is likely to ever break due to its foundations being so strong.

So basically intense devotion, mutual understanding, and the single most “partner” love. The “I will stand by your side no matter what” love. The kind that pays attention to the tiniest details and quietly makes adjustments as needed, the kind that Knows. Do I have to say anything? Do I really? This is TouNemu to a T. I will die on the hill that TouNemu's primary love style with each other is pragma.

I was not looking forward to this part considering the state of media literacy and reading comprehension, but here it is, eros:

> Eros is passion, lust and pleasure. Sensual, physical love. Romance is included here. Examples of eros would be the intense love felt between, well, lovers. The ancient Greeks considered eros to be dangerous and frightening, as it involves a “loss of control” through primal impulses.

I think this one is the most difficult to explain, if only because it clashes with my interpretation of the girls as being in the aspec, but if we're talking physical, I do 100% think that physical affection (and yes, sex) is/would be important for both Touka and Nemu, with the headcanon for Nemu having high libido issues being pretty much unanimously accepted among the TouNemu cult (because it does have canon basis and the ace + high libido combo is interesting to toy with). It's a lot about grounding for them, I feel. Touch is grounding for them because they've never had it and they therefore crave it, a more solid anchor than anything else, and like a sort of lifebuoy that I feel they can throw at one another if they notice The Signs, while at the same time being very gentle. As a friend of mine also recognized when discussing this in DMs, if anyone were to recognize their specific signs of their dissociation/panic, it would be the other, because they essentially developed these defense mechanisms and coping skills together. Plus, it's a multi-sensory anchor: the touch isn't just about texture, but also warmth, and the rhythm of breathing, and the subtle shifting of your partner, and their closeness, and the slight moisture of their breath. And that's just the tactile portion! It's also major with scent and sound and There Is A Lot.

Gentleness is one thing, but if you go into the kink side a little more, there's controlled aggression, the sting of a pain you can control (since it can stop with a single word or gesture/you get to be the one dishing it out for once), the other sorts of sensory craving that things like temperature play can satisfy. It's a lot about control in this case. I have so many thoughts and feelings about TouNemu's physicality- it's comforting to them both for grounding reasons and the emotional security in feeling the signs of presence and life in the one person they know they can rely on. There is a bit too much to get into right now (I could majorly elaborate on the sex and kink thing if asked), so we shall move on.

Yet another one I’m anxious about sharing for the same reasons as eros… Ludus.

> Ludus is playful, often noncommittal love. It covers things like flirting, crushes, courtship, seduction, and casual sex. Ludus is that feeling we have when we go through the early stages of falling in love with someone, e.g. the fluttering heart, flirting, teasing, and feelings of euphoria. The word means “play” or “game” in Latin, and that pretty much explains what ludus is: love as a game. When it comes to ludus, a person is not looking for a committed relationship. People who are after ludus are just looking to have fun or view sex as a prize to be won. A friends with benefits situation would be an example of a relationship built on ludus: neither partner is interested in commitment. Of course, ludus may eventually result in eros if feelings of passion or romance emerge during the relationship. After all, playfulness in love is an essential ingredient that is often lost in long-term relationships, yet it’s one of the secrets to keeping your love alive, interesting and exciting.

Throwing the noncommittal part completely into the trash for the canon timeline analysis, Touka and Nemu’s entire relationship is based on teasing and mind games. They are the only people they act playful towards or joke with at all—they will, on rare occasions, also tease Ui, but it doesn’t feel the same with her because Ui doesn’t really play their game. Their whole thing is exactly this. And since ludus, like all the other styles, can overlap with other styles of love, you really don’t have to compromise on the girls’ philia or pragma to agree that they have a healthy degree of ludus in their relationship by nature. It’s something they treat as unique to their relationship too, which is interesting. 

They're NOT AT ALL noncommittal or “casual” about each other, however they do like to treat their relationship like a sort of “game”. Their mind games and verbal sniping are in fact courtship, I think it relates to intellectual stimulation and poking the other around. In this sense they are basically seeking enrichment, fun, while also letting their relationship be extremely intense and mostly undefined. And I would be lying if I said I haven't had many AUs where these two started out as friends with benefits or went through that phase before settling into commitment (because they're stupid and in denial and allergic to vulnerability). It's a fascinating avenue to explore with them, particularly because a relationship that you negotiate and agree on being “no strings attached” (lmao good luck you idiots) avoids things they're terrible at such as The Big Emotions, so it's also a safety net. And a way to remain “close” and develop trust without necessarily being traditionally emotionally vulnerable. Not to mention that as an established relationship, I fully believe they would have business meetings every month to discuss the state of it; feedback, any necessary grievances they want to air, working together on problem-solving, etc.

Lastly, another big one! Philautia!

> Philautia refers to how a person views themselves and how they feel about their own body and mind. So essentially, self-love/self-esteem (good) and/or hubris (bad). The Greeks understood that in order to care for others, we must first learn to care for ourselves. People with high self-esteem, pride in themselves, or a positive body image practice a healthy version of philautia. Of course, philautia has a negative version, there is such a thing as excessive self-esteem/arrogance.

Let me tell you self-love is horrendous for both Touka and Nemu. Nemu is way worse at this than Touka. I don’t know what you expected me to say, but they simultaneously have huge egos and also the lowest self-esteem known to man. You can see this clearly in the ways they interact with others and the ways they objectify and dehumanize themselves respectively. I'm not sure I've talked about this at length before, but it holds true in every iteration of their characters, no matter what.

Touka is a little complicated to examine with this, with the simultaneous sense of both superiority and inferiority. She knows she sucks at socializing. She knows she’s the best in her fields. She may be young, but she’s not stupid. Assigning roles to herself and using her knowledge (hence her shoehorning sciency things in conversation) are the only ways she knows how to socialize, and as I’ve analyzed in other essays before, in Touka’s mind, all of her worth hinges on her intelligence. It’s what she’s been told her entire life: you’re so smart, that’s incredible, you’re so much more intelligent than others. The role of “genius” is what gives her a framework for how to interact with people, and Nemu threw that out of whack because she made Touka go off-script. Touka hadn’t prepared to deal with someone as smart as her. She hadn’t thought she’d have an equal. As a Magius, the way she acts is also mostly within the confines of her role, her job, what she’s expected to be like and what she’s expected to do. It’s all scripted. It’s the only way she thinks she can navigate most social interactions and communicate with People (capitalized because as I’ve said before, Touka and Nemu do not consider each other people, they consider each other a sort of part of themselves, something that cannot be handled the same way as People).

As for Nemu, boy buddy boy does this idiot self-flagellate. Not only is she introspective and the type to overthink everything and conclude she deserves nothing but the flames of Avici (her words, not mine), but she’s also painfully repressed in so many ways. I’ll go into all of this more in one of my upcoming essays that examines Nemu through a Buddhist lens (because she is Buddhist). The main point is that while Touka uses her masks and the enforcement of “roles” in order to navigate socialization, Nemu appears to be much better at it, but that’s really just an illusion. It’s because she knows how people speak. All she does is read, and she’s a writer, so there’s no way she wouldn’t. Is it genuine? Not really. She’s polite, though. In that sense she is the very example of a “proper” lady (Japan standards). Speaks nicely, can carry a conversation with perfect normalcy, etc. The only exceptions are Touka, whenever she decides someone is her enemy (such as Mikazuki when she was a Magius or Felicia in Ui’s MGS), and Sakurako who she speaks to with genuine motherly affection. It’s very. Very interesting. I am vibrating trying not to go into how this relates to her being a Buddhist because that is FOR THE OTHER ESSAY. Shh. Sh. Moving on.

Touka and Nemu are ultimately not made to be human, yet they are so very human nonetheless, and it shows in their hearts. There's an ache there. A desire to belong. But that desire feels lost and contradictory with the way they’re treated and with their other desires. And, no matter how hard they try, they can never find a home in those around them. Their sights are set too high, no other can match that, and so they feel alien and out of place with people besides one another. They both have very strong hearts, especially when they're together, and unlike say Iroha (who is all too human and thus yearns to return to a place she felt she belonged post-Arc 2), they make peace with their own departure. They never belonged anyway. Their place is not among the masses. This is why they have absolutely no qualms basically cutting ties with the mortal world for their ascension. They fully believe it's the best they can do, both for themselves and others. And while this dehumanization of the self can often either cause or be because of self-loathing, it also may not, or may grow past it. I think that's what we were seeing with the ascension, actually, it felt like chains snapping off and letting them fly, letting them finally pursue their goals unhindered, with each other as eternal support and without the constraints of human society that they’d always endured.

OKAY! That is the gist of it! Hope everyone enjoyed me going on another rant.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

“What’s wrong with your friend?” For 5 sentence game

CW: Some frank references to dubcon/noncon, also Juliet is fucking calculated and I love her

Beringer's masterlist is here

-

"What's wrong with your friend?"

"What?" Juliet looks over her shoulder, blinking a few times, trying to figure out who in the hell Gina could possibly be talking about. There's at least a dozen people eating dinner in here already, and the other two dozen or so will come in on their own, stragglers fighting the wind cutting their cheeks and freezing their lungs.

"Who... who do you mean, Gina?"

She doesn't exactly have a lot of friends. She holds her bowl out while Gina ladles the soup into it.

It's been bubbling on the stove all day in a giant pot and smells like sheer heaven, slow-cooked pork with hominy and tomatillos and a pile of cilantro as big as her head waiting for everyone to decide what they want. Juliet looks down at her steaming bowl and adds cilantro, radishes, cabbage strips, a dollop of sour cream. The others add different things, and she thinks about how when she worked, she mostly just ate shit from the convenience store. Sometimes she was lucky enough to snag a tamale from the tamale cart.

Sometimes, her clients took her out to fancy dinner at restaurants that had four-month waits for reservations, but none of that food ever tasted as good as the tamale straight from a big plastic bucket, wrapped in corn husk, making her fingers damp and slick with lard and condensation, burning her tongue. Sometimes Romeo was with her and would buy her one with money he got washing dishes at restaurants, paid in cash with no question asked. He used to make more selling his mouth and hands, but he's got too many scars for that, now, he said. People want Romantics to look young and flirty and like innocence defiled, and it's hard to look innocent when half your face is a twisted line pulling your mouth to one side.

Still, he made life work.

She hopes, sometimes, that he's still out there, still making it work. But life expectancies for runaway Romantics aren't more than a couple of years, and he'd already outlived his by the time she met him.

She'd love to see him one more time, though. Those tamales, sitting on the curb with Romeo giggling over them with fruity jamaica soda fizzing up her nose, those were the greatest things she ever ate, the best times she had. Those tamales, and Romeo's good-natured cursing, tasted like home, like laughter and Christmas, in ways she isn't allowed to remember.

The posole that Gina makes, though, that brings memories, too. Headaches, sure, but lately she can get through the headaches, more and more.

Gina snorts. "Him," She says, gesturing with her ladle. Broth shimmery with pork fat drips off of it, unnoticed. She has tendrils of dark curls stuck to her forehead and cheeks and the back of her neck, where her heavy hair is swept up in something both like and unlike a bun. "That one. He's with you all the time lately."

Oh. Beringer.

Juliet shrugs. "He's not really my friend. He's the one that came in with the handler out in the shed. I've been helping him figure stuff out here. Might as well be useful before Brock notices I don't do shit around here."

"Brock's a softie, he won't make you do anything you don't want to do." Gina leans around Juliet to look more closely at Beringer. "Huh. Ophie said he was a daycare pet."

"He was, I think."

"Really? But he's..."

"Handsome?"

Gina smiles, slightly shamefaced. "Well... I just. He looks more like one of your kind, is all I'm saying."

Juliet snorts. "My kind. Right. The whores, you mean. The giant fucking sluts."

Gina turns bright red. "I didn't say that!"

"Thought it, though. Anyway, we're all good-looking, remember? It's part of the draw of the whole damn system. Get a pretty person to do whatever degrading shit you dream about with a smile on their face and a song in their heart." Juliet laughs without humor. Outside, the wind whirls snow past the windows. It stopped actually snowing a while back, but it's dry stuff, easily lifted by the breeze that whistles past the corners of every house. It races itself over the salted, plowed roads like horses hellbent on making it to the horizon.

"Well. Not everyone has to... you know." Gina's smile fades, and she won't meet Juliet's eyes as she says it.

Juliet lifts her chin. It's not her fucking fault, she reminds herself, that she only knows one way to get by. It's not her fault, she was made that way, and you can't blame someone for doing what they know. "Trust me. You might not have had to fuck them, but you still had to act like less than a person, and that's a kind of fucking, too."

Gina swallows, hard. Silence draws out, and then Juliet stomps away, over to the table where Beringer sits. The daycare pet watches the window, lost in his own mind, a cup of coffee long since gone cold in front of him.

"When's the last time you ate, huh?" Juliet sits her tray down a little too loudly, watching him jump in surprise. There are scars on him, too - she can see it on his hands, creeping up the side of his neck, just barely visible. He has more under his shirt, like cobwebs of dead skin.

"Wh-... oh, hi." His smile is brief, but gentle. She could see how he worked well with kids. There's no malice, in a smile like that. No aggression like the men at bars she'd pick up, no desire or demand like the more expensive clients who scheduled in advance. It's just a soft smile, easy as an older brother waking up for church on a Sunday morning so your mother won't know you slept in.

The little girl that's usually glued to his side is off in the play area in the big building where everyone eats, giggling through tag with another girl. One of the Domestics had come with a child in tow, too, unable to bear the thought of losing her. No one has asked if the child is hers.

Juliet wonders if she was a happy kid, when she was that age.

She'll never know.

"Hi doesn't answer my question, Beringer."

"Oh... uh. I don't know." He goes back to watching the window, and she sighs.

"He's not coming out of that shack any faster because of you making goo-goo eyes, you know."

"I know." Beringer leans forward, resting on his elbow, hand in his hair and palm against his forehead. "Rye says he's got a cough starting up. If helping me escape is what gets him killed-"

"Then it's exactly what he fucking deserves."

Beringer looks up, startled, at the flat, sharp edge of her voice. She watches his adam's apple bob as he swallows, sees the slight flare of whites around his eyes. "... Juliet. I told you, he didn't want to do it anymore-"

"Yeah, I hate to let you in on this, but that doesn't matter. Not even a little bit." She smiles to cut the sting in her words, but it doesn't work. His own eyes narrow in response. "Look. Just. You're still in it, I can tell, and it makes sense since you're so new at being out. But he's a handler, Ber. He was a handler, he's still a handler. You don't stop being a handler once you sign their fucking contract. We all know that."

Beringer's jaw works, but he only looks away, back to the window. "He's..."

"What? Nice?" Juliet laughs, bitter as raw chocolate. "Oh, sure, no doubt. Nice to you, you were taking care of his precious baby girl. But I bet he beat the shit out of someone else as soon as he got downstairs to the training rooms, or had one with a mouth on his cock and told the poor trainee it's breakfast. Handlers aren't nice."

"... he isn't like that-"

"They're all like that. You think it was just Romantic handlers who came to my training room to have their fun?" She smiles, and it's a grimace. A snarl. "God, no. I had to spread my legs for every kind of handler you can imagine. At least the Romantic handlers were fucking honest about it."

Beringer stares at her. He has beautiful dark eyes. The kind you could fall into. She can see why the handler out in the shed followed him here, brought him. She'd have done anything for those eyes, too, once upon a time.

"Stop," he whispers. "He was never like that."

"Guarantee he fuckin' was."

"You don't know him."

"Neither do you. Handlers go through fucking months of training, Beringer. They only keep the ones they know will do the dirty work, the worst sons of bitches, the worst bastards, the worst people on earth. I probably sucked fifty handler cocks in training, or more, and you know what?"

He looks like he'll be sick, and some part of her feels good at seeing one of the lucky ones realize what it takes to keep existing when you've been what Juliet had to be to survive. "What?"

"The only ones I saw wearing wedding rings weren't wearing them anymore a few months later. They can't stay married because they don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves."

"His wife-... Marc's wife hated what he did for work, she left-"

"She left? Lucky woman. You should be that smart. Take the kid, go to Canada, and let the handler out there rot. He deserves it. He let plenty of us rot, didn't he? That great good man out there? Looked the other way, probably did plenty of shit he isn't telling you about. While his little girl learned her ABCs upstairs, he taught one of us how to clean grout knowing they'd get shocked half to death if they ever paused for a single. damn. second."

Beringer's eyes go back to the little girl. She's stopped playing. She's watching a show about a cartoon dog, now, standing with a stuffed tiger crooked in her arm. "I-I don't-... know. I haven't really asked him... if he..."

"I know." She sighs, trying to soften her voice, and reaches out to lay a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. I'm being really rude about this, but I swear, it's because I'm worried. If you let him take you to Canada, he'll just want to keep you, to use you. They just have people they want to use. He's using you, Ber."

"He's not." Beringer shakes his head, running his hand over his mouth. He's pale, haunted around the eyes. "He's not. He wouldn't have thought of it on his own. I... I talked to him for months, let him think I'd kiss him, made friends... flirted... did the things I saw them do on TV. I used him."

"Now you don't need him any longer." Juliet nudges his foot under the table with his own, until he looks back at her and she can give him her best wry smile. It's as much a performance as the flirty little grins she'd been so good at once upon a time. "So let him go. Thanks for all the fish, thanks for your baby girl, now go to hell."

"... Rye, he was Rye's handler. Rye said he was always so nice-"

"Right, sure. Bet he was. Then, once Rye knew how to count pills and give baths to old ladies and smile his face off, he sent him on to a house where he got the shit beat out of him by his owner's daughter over and over and over again until he ended up in the clinic four times in a year. Even when he's nice, he's not nice."

Beringer is silent for a long, long time. "What do I tell Mallie when she asks where her daddy is, then, huh? What do I tell her?"

"Tell her he died." Juliet shrugs. "He will anyway, if you're not here to vouch for him any longer. Tell her whatever the hell you want. She's not even old enough to remember you lied. She'll never know. She'll call you daddy after a few months, dad in a few years. You'll be the only father she ever knows. You can watch her grow up, knowing that he can't. Erase him from everyone who mattered to him. Just like they do to us. Take his life and make it serve your needs, what you want, leave him for dead when you're done, and once he's gone through all of it and died after, he'll have paid for everything he ever did to the rest of us who weren't you."

Beringer's breath catches. She thrills, just a little, whenever she lets a man see inside her mind and he looks that frightened afterward. She's never hurt a man in her life - but she's frightened a few, and it's always felt so good.

Romeo was never scared of her, though. He would just find some way to twist her idea and make it even more terrifying. They laughed all the time about the things they could come up with to have their revenge.

"Christ Almighty," He whispers. She's not even sure he knows he said it.

She eats her soup, delighting in the heat and lime and salt and spice, in silence until she's done. She stands to take her dishes back over to the pile of them next to sink, deciding she'll make sure she washes for a half an hour or so to help earn her keep, and pauses.

He's staring out the window again.

"You don't owe him anything." She makes her voice as calm and as gentle as she can. "Understand?"

He doesn't look at her, or answer, but she knows he's thinking about what she said.

Outside, the snow blown by the wind makes sure you can't even see the shack where that handler is being held. Only the fence, and the darkness beyond.

Right where every handler belongs.