#Sometimes autistic people shouldnt be friends.

[lunarharp]

thingies

[stupidnaturals]

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[sixstepsaway]

maybe this is a controversial point but as an autistic, disabled, mentally ill person myself, i also support people who get an abortion because they don't want a mentally ill, disabled or autistic child

you do not need a vetted, approved reason for an abortion. it can be any reason. i do not care about your reason. one person making a choice for their own body and life does not eugenics make. eugenics is a system. it's the government declaring selective breeding. it's the system telling parents to abort disabled children even if they want that child and could and would love and care for it well. it's forced sterilization and declaring people unfit to reproduce

if a pregnant person finds out their child is likely to be autistic, or disabled, or mentally ill, or any other number of things (and yes, if it was possible to know your child could be queer, I include this) and does not want a child that is that way they should not be forced or expected to carry that child to term just because eugenics are bad

systematic eugenicist policies and movements do not take away an individual's right to choose what they do with their body

would i want to be friends with someone who simply did not want an autistic child? ehh, probably not, but I'd also campaign and argue for their right to choose. would i want to be friends with someone who said, "I don't think I could properly care for this child, so I am not going to have it"? yeah.

it's not always a black and white, either. sometimes there's a gray area in the middle of "idk if this is a good idea and since i'm not sure--"

sometimes it's someone who looks at a potentially disabled child and thinks, "I cannot do this," and honest to god that is okay

and i get the idea that "you chose to risk having this kind of child by getting pregnant" and i do agree that if you birth a child and keep that child you should be ready for that child to be mentally ill or queer or whatever else, and shouldn't abuse or mistreat that child for it

but if the partner who got you pregnant says, "I'm autistic and adhd and mentally ill and so there's a really high chance this child will be too," and you cannot imagine being able to handle that or you just don't want to? abortion is a choice.

when people say you shouldnt abort a child for traits you dont want, it reminds me of 'conditional' abortion: you can have an abortion only in cases of rape or incest, only for babies you didnt sign up for by choosing to conceive

and that is in itself not pro-choice

my belief that every single person who is pregnant can choose whether to carry that baby to term applies to every fetus, not just one that's only unwanted because it's a fetus to begin with

i do not believe that anyone should be forced to bring any child into this world, especially if that child will not be wanted

and every time people say that you shouldn't abort a baby just because it might be disabled, i see it from the opposite side, which is that you're saying that person must have a baby they don't want, or do not believe they can cope with, and raise an entire human being in an environment they may not be welcome in and may not be properly cared for in

there is also, also, a class part to this, where a rich white couple will automatically have more access to resources to raise a disabled child than a poor couple of color who will not only have to raise a child (expensive) but also find the money for necessary health care and accommodations for that child

i have literally seen people say that if you would abort a disabled child you shouldnt ever have children at all and i cannot overstate how much i disagree with that notion. i do think that anyone who chooses to carry a baby to term and keep that child should be aware that disability can strike at any time and they may end up with a disabled child, even if that child isn't born disabled, but i dont see some horrifying underlying eugenicist reasoning behind every single choice that is made this way

i also feel it about the sex of the baby. if someone aborts a baby because they dont want x sex of baby, fine. abortion is a choice for a reason. obviously, again, they need to know that the child they do have might turn out trans, but i dont want the child they didnt want raised by those people

my spicy hot take is that if it's okay to abort a fetus because 'it's just a clump of cells invading someone else's body' (which is objectively correct) then the reason for that abortion, as long as it's a decision made by the person having the abortion, does not matter.

and before i post this, i just want to say that this doesn't mean i believe in forced sterilization or actual eugenics. i dont believe in forcing pregnant people to undergo tests for whatever they might test for, such as disabilities or whatever else. and i dont believe anyone should force or coax an abortion from any pregnant person who might be having an 'undesirable' child.

i just believe that every single pregnant person has the right to choose, no matter their reasons, and acting like some reasons are lesser or not allowed is wrong

if my mother had seen i was going to be autistic, adhd and disabled, and gone, "you know, i dont think i want to care for a disabled child", i would support her abortion too

...well, no, i wouldnt exist. but the point is that i retroactively support it.

(my mother, actually, did not have any tests, because she knew no matter how i came out, she would want me.)

in the exact same way if someone says, "I need a kidney," and the potential donor goes, "i really dont want a scar, so no"

that's also okay because bodily autonomy matters. i am allowed to think them selfish and not want to be friends with them. but they have the right to say no, for any reason and no one should deny or try to deny them that

ETA: i think something people often forget is how many people would want to have that 'undesirable' child, how many people would want an autistic child like them, how many people would want to love a mentally ill child and give them a better life than they had.

i think the assumption made when people talk about this is that all disabled and (if you could tell while pregnant) queer fetuses would be aborted and that's what makes it 'eugenics', but i dont agree. lots of people would happily have a queer or disabled child. again, i reference my mother, who did not need to know if i would be disabled because even if i was she wanted me (hi! i am 29 and still live with her because i'm disabled)

and i think that shows the internal bias of the people who say these things, actually

[valodia]

Ohhhh i wish i had a frenchspeaking friend i could rant to about stupeflip.....,,,!!!! Its stupeflip obsession hours,. Like. Ok so, autistic people make the best music ever. His lyrics are just so. He just writes whatever and it just makes sense somehow. The first time i listened to his most popular song i was like. Trying to find a meaning but thats not you listen to his stuff. Its more of a vibe. Its perfect songwriting in that sense. Art shouldnt be straightforward and make sense soemtimes. But my fave thing is really that these lyrics are so cringe and earnest at the same time. Its like, what? But also yea. It evokes a deep feeling. Its impossible to explain!!! And i was watching an interview he did w somebody, and his process is so incredible. He just hyperfixates on mixing sound bits 24 fucking 7 and sometimes it sounds good so thats when he releases an album or whatever. Ohhh hes the most artistic person ive seen tbh. Idkidk im just. Just. I wish i could write stuff that resonates w people like this. And he mixes it with his oniric inner world too. I dont rlly vibe that much w that aesthetic but the vision is. Down bad for this artistic vision

[bunnyb34r]

So I'm pretty sure I'm autistic/somewhere on the spectrum and I've been thinking ab my childhood in different ways like oh that would explain THAT, (put under a read more bc it got long)

Like how I absolutely positively DREAD people coming to the house even if it's people I really like, and I was like okay what would be causing that aside from social anxiety and introversion

It throws off my routine. That's it that's the key reason bc whenever they leave I feel like I wasted time/missed out but I could never figure out on WHAT, like what the fuck did I miss out on when I had a fun day at the movies with my friends

My routine thats what I missed out on.

Which explains why I get SO anxious AFTER events/people being over - it's not residual anxiety, it's anxiety bc my routine was thrown and that bothers me

And I was thinking ab how I had the HARDEST fucking time socially in school and how I had severe separation anxiety, that could be autism like I cant fully explain WHY in words but looking back with that lens it's like oh... yeah maybe that's why

And it explains why at work I got so upset being told I had to stop working only in one section - YOU THREW OFF MY GROOVE!!!! but really that interrupted my routine and was legit so distressing to me and it shouldnt have been

And theres other things but it's like with the ADHD where once I started looking back with this different scope it's like oh...

And I know ADHD and autism tend to coexist (not the word I want) and that it's common to have both bc that's how brains work sometimes

Now the only hurdle is convincing my family that that's what this is bc I'm not "AS" autistic as my cousin (which just means she on the "needs more support" end but yknow ableism ect) or the kid from church who again was more "visble", I feel like they wont believe me

And it's like okay let me explain what masking is... but also it's a spectrum for a reason it's not a one size fits all, right out the box, thing. It's an ice cream sundae bar, where some people have these traits and others have these, ect

But fingers crossed

And not much would change really but maybe knowing that will help them get why I do certain things I guess

[hoshi9zoe]

hi,

(if you dont wanna read all this thats fair in that case i just hope you have a good day)

i dont know you and i dont wanna bother you, but i saw your reblog of the post about being scared of trans women, and i just wanted to say that its not always gonna be like that. im younger than you and i dont wanna be lecturing a person with more experience than i have, but reading what you wrote made me concerned. at the same time it is exactly what goes through my head sometimes.

i know i cant fully understand your struggles, because im trans in the other direction, but im starting to think its unfortunately true for all the people who are seen as something theyre not - right now we really have to accept there are our kinds of people and we cant change the rest. you absolutely deserve a better world in which people dont see you as dangerous just because you exist but in the meantime you need to remember your whole life isnt defined only by the people who hate you or are scared of you. it still absolutely sucks that people are intimidated by you just existing, and it shouldnt be like this and i can only imagine how lonely it could make someone feel. none of it is fair, but you can and should try to be happy anyways.

i try to think about it like we got the short end of the stick, but that doesnt mean we should break it and throw it away. it really is shit but (as cheesy as it sounds) we only get one chance at living, and as much as itd be understandable to do so, we cant spend it thinking about how unfair it is.

remember that there will be people who will see you as a person and not as a danger. it might feel like theres few of them, or they dont exist, but they do, and hopefully you get to spend more time with them than you ever will have to spend with the people who are transphobic.

i personally still cant accept it but its the advice a friend of mine gave me (though it was in the context of me being autistic) and i do think its smart even if not groundbreaking. i have trouble applying it to myself, so i might be hypocritical and/or projecting, i apologise for that. still i wanted to share it because i dont think theres any better option for us. im really sorry you feel that way and i hope we both get better at focusing on the people who can see us as people

ps well this is bible length im sorry and also sorry if its rude? i really didnt want to come off as condescending or like i was assuming you dont know any of this so i hope i at least managed that (and i sincerely apologise for my punctuation. )

I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that because of my depressive ass comments on a post people are trying to comfort me and cheer me up. I've done nothing to deserve this kindness and while I think that this kindness and your time is wasted on me, i'm grateful non the less. don't worry about coming across as lecturing me. you're just sharing your thoughts and feelings on that matter and I don't mind. even tho i may be older than you, I absolutely do not have more experience than others. less even probably... and I did not want to make you or anyone else concerned about me. as i said that's absolutely wasted on me. it's just me trying to somehow vent my depression so that I don't do something more harmful. it is just irrevocably true that trans women that are not thin, white, effeminate, with clear skin and no body hair will be seen as dangerous and intimidating by afab people and especially cis women. But i'm grateful that you with for a better world where that isn't happening. It's admirable. And I don't want to spoil your positive message but it's gonna be hard to keep my depression about that in check and I wanna apologize in advance for probably still being very negative about that. You are correct that my life isn't defined by those that are scared of me, but they still can affect it in a profound way even if I try to ignore them. And yes it is incredibly lonely, but I've already been lonely before I came out so there's not much of a difference. Just maybe a new flavor.

I'm just gonna skip the next paragraph with the short end of the stick so that I don't let my depression speak my mind and just rip all of that to shreds. You've got a nice mentality there and I don't wanna take that from you especially since you went out of your way to try and cheer me up. I know there are people that aren't scared. I'd like to meet some one day. But all deprecating jokes aside, I will always get reminded of it when I see how the trans community and especially trans women have their own separate isolated corner from the wider LGBTQ+ community. I'm not faulting you for struggling to apply the advice your give yourself. I really know a thing or twenty about that... Realistically I know that it's not as bad as my insecurities, depression, anxieties ect make it out to be. But acting on that; confronting your fears is exponentially harder. Especially if you have to do it alone because you're shit at meeting new people and making friends and very good at driving existing ones away. And please don't worry about grammar or punctuation or all that jazz. School makes a way bigger deal out of it than I feel is should be on the internet in casual situations. It's your intent and your feelings that matter not punctuation ^^'

[desudog]

i always feel like i identify with the goat + water more than i identify with sagittarius... esp. because the characteristics of goat and water match well / say similar things.

I also get frustrated because it seems like every single website says a different thing about sagittarius traits, or saying conflicting things or the same thing literally every other star sign says. (ive been able to find "loves to travel or go outside" at least once for every single star sign...)

sadly i cant judge my blood type because i dont know it yet...

While i am selfless to a fault, i absolutely do not think of myself as someone who will "say anything regardless of if it is not diplomatic"... i have friends who can attest to the care i put into diplomacy and tense discussion. I choose my wording very carefully! i have a strong moral compass but i do not think it makes me lacking in care of how i portray it. once again, something i value a lot and am very mindful of... i am drawn to travel and philosophy and passionate about freedom however, but i think most people would agree that they like to visit places... i am not impatient at all however! im patient to a fault! i find combining "impatient" and "overly generous" a little strange... patience is generosity.

I feel like the characteristics of the goat and water fit me a lot better.

I want to be humble so i will point out its what ive been told by others, personally i find it hard to internalize even, bit i do fit the wiseness characteristic. i always just think i come off as waxing poetic but sometimes even looking back on the things ive said i see them as being properly poetic and wise, which also checks off artistic draw- if me being drawn to art and an artist myself didnt already. I am reliable and agreeable but too withdrawn and quiet to often take advantage of these which is exasperated by the fact i am much quieter and more withdrawn and avoiding of social interaction online than i am IRL. i do not take well to change but i am autistic so we can count that one as neutral. i love working with kids, im good with kids! i want to be a father someday! i do not like routines and am absolutely free moving in that regard- with the exception of 1 thing. adding to my schedule out of nowhere is fine usually- taking AWAY is bad. however, this also conflicts with the "does not like change" so i will mark this down as conflicting descriptions. i do prefer to work in larger groups but this is because it is easier to slack off (LOL) but no actually, if we are all knowledgeable on a subject and friendly i would love to work in a group. i shouldnt use my negative experiences from school. ive said it a lot before, but i dont actually get cross at people easy at all, or often. if im mad enough to post about it, usually that means im not mad at all. this is a part of my over extended patience maybe.... i am stuck saying this a LOT to people who are coming to me over a concern and never telling me what the concern is. i am not going to get mad, i dont get mad, and when i am mad, i stay mature and non-aggressive if possible. even at my angriest i fail to get particularly nasty with people because i dont like to. i would much rather explain why i feel the way i do and that i am frustrated and my perspective, rather than resort to namecalling and petty insults, which i usually only indulge in ironically and privately when hearing out my friends. it goes without saying that sympathy is an important value of mine, especially if youve known me a while or closely. im often looking into the thinking of even my enemies to understand the situation more complexly.

[dazedlillies]

Today I’m going to meet up with a friend in Manhattan. It’s been a while since I last saw them in person. About year ago we were going to the same school, but then he transferred to a boarding school a bit up north in New England. On some other news, I’m finally cleaning my book shelf. So that means I’ll be donating my old books to my school library, thrift stores, etc. A little fact about both me and my friend is that we are taking the ACT. I’ll finally be able to graduate from high. school! Back on the books, but I gotta tell you my mom is, to put it simply, is the type of mom that wants me to leave the nest a little faster. It can be hard making decisions when she was controlling everything you did when you were a kid and now just poof you can do things?! “Yeah sweetie you can travel uptown to where your friend is.” “Yeah sweetie you can clear the bookshelf and donate. You can even travel by bus to any thrift store you choose?!” Really when I was young I didn’t even think I had a purpose or any drive to do anything now it’s just abra Kadabra. I got to study at a cafe until it closed (it closed at 5) before I couldn’t even stay in my own house without a babysitter. I can now have my own affairs without having to ask my mother?! It’s hard to get out of that habit. Also I’m the person who cowers when someone screams at me (probably part of my autistic noise sensitivity) and being screamed at all the time made me just hide and cower and not want to attempt things because I didn’t want to be screamed at. Now I know what a lot of Neurodivergent activists or whatever say “yOu sHoUlDnT bE sCrEaMeD aT” “yOuR pErFeCt jUsT tHe wAy yOu aRe” well here’s the thing I may be on the spectrum but that shouldn’t make people give me special treatment because the occupations I want-nursing and classical singing- are cut throat. Nursing for obvious reasons your dealing with all kinds of sick people and classical singing (despite what most people think performing arts are actually tough. You’ll have people scream at you, audience and fellow cast insensitive to you. You’ll be required to work and work and work sometimes with no break and nobody gives a shit about what you feel) but why would I want to limit myself for a stupid condition. One where I developed an awful coping mechanism of spacing out at even crucial times because of all the stimuli around me and that I have to compose myself in a socially acceptable manner. Well I’m sorry I live in New York I can’t unmask in the fucking subway. What may make me more comfortable will place me in a more miserable situation and my heart wants more than what my stupid brain does. So yeah I’m gonna live life and go out.

[its-a-human-person]

you know what time it is? character time! tell me about characters

i assume ur talkin about my own characters and in that case

oh boy do i have a rant for you

idk how keep readings really work but hopefully this does something because there is way too many words below the keep reading

AHHAHHAHAH my boy Mitch (he/him, 19) needs therapy (but so does pretty much every one of these characters); he has a baseball bat named Facebreaker and a boyfriend named Victor/Kain (they/she/fae/he, 20) and a boyfriend named Ennard (they/them, 21) and Ennard is the only one who actually has a car out of those three, but Mitch and some other friends share a car as well

and Mitch is in a ~band~ called ~the Pentagrams~ (they share the car) bc of course he is wow so original; it's with his friends Ginger (she/they), Tani (she/he), York (he/him), and Nel (it/they) and all of them either need therapy or doctor's appts or a shower or a break or some combination of those

York eats glitter sometimes and Ginger is a musical prodigy and Tani likes waffles and loves telling puns until Ginger shakes her head disapprovingly and Tani hates mushrooms and Nel needs a hug but also has its friends for said hugs so that's good

also Ginger and Tani are dating so that's fun

the five of them (Mitch, Tani, York, Ginger, & Nel) live in an apartment together bc of course they do also bc minimum wage and bc it makes funny situations that i can turn into ~entertainment~

so obv the Pentagrams are a found family bc of course they are, so about Mitch's bio family! he gots a mom, a dad, and a brother (his parents are divorced and he only really stays in contact with his brother bc he doesnt really like or respect either of his parents): his mom, Kiara (she/her, 47) is an inventor and engineer and possibly a lil off her rocker and definitely needs therapy bc ~backstory and stuff~; his dad, Jordan (he/him, 49) is a asshole and businessman and very much dickhead bc ~backstory and stuff~; his brother, Sammie (he/they, 16) is sweet and sarcastic and pretends not to care in front of some people but cares so so much and is essentially the only person Kiara has left bc (say it with me) ~backstory and stuff~ so fun!

SAMMIE MY BOY is a femboy and frickin slays and cares so so much about Mitch & Kiara and his friends and ahghhghgh and hes just tryna get Mitch's approval while also being forced to grow up too fast

ahghhghg basically all of my characters either had to grow up too fast, were sheltered from growing up too fast by someone who had to grow up too fast, or refused to grow up

back to the Pentagrams bc i have to rant briefly more about them now: Nel sometimes goes nonverbal and yeah it is my child but uh idk if its autistic but it probably is (this assessment is coming from a self-diagnosed autistic)

SPEAKING OF AUTISTIC CHARACTERS MORE ABOUT KIARA: she cannot people. like she tries to but uh it does not work. when she tries to interact with people she always ends up accidentally doing things she shouldnt be doing or saying the wrong things or misinterpreting things or overthinking things and stuff and yea. this woman does not and probably never will understand people. she's been called selfish and rude and oblivious and stupid because of all this cuz she was never like officially diagnosed with autism but she probly has it. also also she probly has ocd bc everything in her lab's gotta be a certain way, and if it isn't, she has a breakdown till she can fix it, so nobody was allowed in her lab for literal decades until ~the accident~

there is so so much more i could rant about so if u want more on specific characters/characters' backstories i could absolutely go in depth :))

[juniperberries]

keep scrolling if you dont want depressed ranting lol i cant figure out how to add a read more on mobile

im back on my bullshit rambling to nobody on tumblr dot com but can i just say that im struggling so hard with not wearing makeup these days

i used to wear makeup all the time from like 12 to maybe 22. like the kind of frequent makeup use that leads to feeling like a gross human without it. like spending a half hour to an hour putting on makeup in the morning in like middle and high school. i also refused to wear glasses in public when i first found out my vision sucked because i was an insecure 12 year old girl with unknown at the time autism who was terrified of not looking as nice as my “friends” (i also had a best friend until 13 who made it her mission in life to make me feel lesser than and prevented me from befriending her friends that i shared a lunch table with every damn day but anyway)

anyway i started wearing glasses every now and then in high school when i was feeling lazy in the morning. i think sometime after 18 maybe? i started going out places without makeup and it was nice! i didnt have to spend that extra time getting ready in the morning, i could rub my eyes as much as i wanted, i could nap during the day without worrying about getting makeup all over my pillow, and i didnt have to take it all off before bed

i think as i started to see more and more interesting feminist takes on makeup on this website i started to realize that i enjoyed the benefits of not wearing it and i didnt want to contribute to societal rules about women needing makeup to be seen as professional, as pretty, as people, etc. i stopped wearing it completely. i got married a few months ago with no makeup whatsoever.

thing is, as much as i realize that wearing makeup contributes to the problem, and realize objectively that i dont need it, i kind of feel like shit! i think it has to do with having the distinct memory of the attention i get with makeup versus without. makeup and clothing was a big part of my Artistic Expression in high school and i thrived on getting compliments from other women about my eyeliner or jewelry or whatever. i felt very Artsy and people were friendlier!

but add in the fact that i gained a fair amount of weight in 2019 and 2020 and im just fucking ignored a lot! people used to call me pretty a lot and it completely stopped when i stopped wearing makeup. i noticed a sharp difference in the coverage from our wedding planner and photographer on their websites for our wedding, which again i did not wear makeup for, versus other weddings they worked on that were more aesthetic or whatever.

it’s just so much more painful to experience all this when i know what it was like for me in the past! at this point i just feel gross and unattractive all the time which isnt good for my mental health either! i know objectively that it shouldnt impact my confidence and that We Live in a Society and that not wearing makeup is the right choice but try telling that to the vast majority of the population who arent so progressive. maybe the moral of the story here is that i need to surround myself with likeminded people but im Autistic and Very Depressed Right Now and havent had any local friendships that lasted longer than a few months since i dropped out of high school in 2013! so yknow

anyway it might be obvious but this is a desperate attempt at reaching out so if you have any advice or reassurance or similar experience pls reply or send a message or something

[dxmagedrose]

{ ooc // big personal negativity post for ts, i need to rant really bad about some stuff rn }

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

[aceyanaheim]

My friend literally doesn't understand why "he's so autistic" isn't something that's okay to say when describing someone who "looks awkward"

"You can't just tell me not to say something without explaining why it's a problem"

Yeah I know bud but god I wish I could~

[ofdreamsanddoodles]

as an autistic person who used to stress out a LOT about my tone online I just want to say: you don’t have to use tone indicators if you don’t want to

i spent a lot of my time online as a kid worrying about how i came across, and if i sounded excited enough, or sincere enough, and trying to compensate for that  just made me more exhausted and stressed, and at the end of the day, most of the time it didn’t really matter. if you’re talking to a friend, they’re going to know you’re happy for them even if you don’t put a /pos at the end of it. and if you’re worried they won’t, it might not be your tone you’re worried about, but the person you’re talking to. if someone’s naturally argumentative, you’re more likely to want to use a method of conversation that helps you avoid fights, but sometimes, you can just stop talking to someone if they stress you out

sometimes its not the other persons fault. a lot of the times when i was hyper-aware of my own texting, it was because i was new to a group, and i wanted to make sure i came across as friendly, but all it did was remind me that i was an outsider in that group, and that i had to try to fit in. and the thing is, if you’re using indicators in a situation like that, it doesn’t actually mean you’re coming across the way you intend to. what happens when someone takes your /nm as sarcastic or rude, because they don’t understand why else you’d tag your message like that? you cant prevent all misunderstandings by stating your feelings, and expecting you can is just going to lead to disappointment or frustration.

thats not to say you shouldnt try to avoid miscommunication. if you know a friend has a problem with sarcasm, it’s not a bad idea to tell them when you’re being sarcastic, and a tone indicator usually doesn’t take that much extra effort, and yeah, its probably a good idea to practice being clear on your tones when talking to strangers, but a lot of people will give you the benefit of the doubt with or without a tone tag.

and sure, maybe this sounds obvious, but if you’re sending messages like “OMG CONGRATS! /POS” you’ve definitely thought too much about this. and its okay to stop

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that. 

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.