#Sorry for the bitter posts on this subject lately

[kaythefloppa]

I'm still kinda petty posting on the whole "Lion Guard ship discourse" a little bit but it makes me laugh every time I see Lion Guard fans constantly claim that Disney ship-"baited" or "lied to them" with Kion x Fuli or act like the two were star-crossed lovers always meant to come together before the "evil writers + faceless corporation" destroyed the pairing and ended the show with Kion x Rani instead....

.....when these screenshots from Ford Riley's Instagram feed, [posted on the same day the first 10 eps of S3 came out, meaning around that time nobody at the time had any clue if Kion would remain single for the rest of the series] pretty much say otherwise.

But watch as this statement goes over people's heads and people continue to act like Kion x Fuli was something that was stolen from them and either A) hate Rani solely for "standing in the way" of their pairing, B) accuse Ford Riley of lying to them and clogging his comments with hate feed

or B) continuously hound the guy to bring back the show for a fourth season so that Fuli can compete with Rani for Kion's attention [because in a show aimed towards preschoolers, teenage adultery and catfighting for romantic attention is apparently A-OK]

[blackbirdie1234]

Hey!! I love your fic's so much!

Can I request a Jacob x Fem!reader where they are friends but reader has a crush on Jacob. When he shifts he leaves and does what he did to Bella like ignoring her and Billy won't answer the door.

Mutual pinning but neither knows. He imprints on reader.

Thank you so much keep up the great writing :)

Also, I was wondering if you are going to be doing the vampires as well?

Hi!, Thank you so much for the request! I appreciate the kind words <3

I will be doing fanfics for the vampires as well! As of right now I only have the wolves, but I am planning on making a master list for the vamps and Bella. If you want to make a request for them I can definitely do that! I am planning on making a fic for Jasper soon!

A/N: Not proofread! I aged Jacob up a bit, you both are seventeen here. I didn't know exactly how to end this but I think I might do a spin-off series off of this fic so if you are interested in that let me know. Also, sorry for the late posting I am currently sick and going through it lmao. Hope you enjoy <3

Warnings: Jacob being an ass, cursing, angst, Y/N with a backbone.

Wolf’s Out Of The Bag

Jacob Black x Fem!reader

You were staring blankly down at your phone. Ten phone calls, ten phone calls sent to voicemail. Ten desperate, pleading voicemails. No callback, no text, nothing received. You snapped your phone closed and threw it down on the bed.

It had been two weeks since Jacob stormed off from your house after getting into a small disagreement, at least it started off that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"It's nothing you need to worry about, Jacob," You grumbled with a slight roll of your eyes. Hoping he would drop the subject.

He was giving you an irritated look. You lightly pushed him with your shoulder giving him a small smile.

"I didn't think you'd care that much, it was one date and it's never happening again," you noted with a light-hearted laugh to ease the tension.

He turned to face you, irritation turning to anger. You could actually feel the heat radiating off of his body next to yours.

"Wow you must be really dumb, I mean how could you even think about going on a date with that pig. He's not good enough for you, but then again if you were desperate enough to give him a chance maybe I'm wrong" He barked getting more bitter with each word.

You look at him in shock.

"Why would you say that to me" You said not believing what you were hearing. "It's really none of your business who I go out with, you aren't my bodyguard, you don't have to 'protect' me. When did you get the right to decide who is 'good enough' for me? Huh? You're being a dick and I don't know why but it better change right now." You say sternly. He has never acted like this before and this sudden behavior change is not sitting well with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jacob left shortly after that. He had gotten so angry he was shaking, you can't even remember the words that were thrown after that. Now, he wasn't answering the phone. Billy said he came down with mono, you didn't know how much you believed it but decided to trust that Billy wouldn't lie to you.

Jacob was your best friend, you loved him a lot. You had never had such an intense fight, you never thought he would react the way he did. You only went on the stupid date to get Jacob out of your head, you thought that maybe you would get over Jacob if you found someone else to pay attention to. You were wrong, no one made you feel the way that Jacob did. Jacob made you feel at home, you couldn't explain why but it was like he was the person you were meant to be with. He was the one who understood you fully and would never judge you for anything you said or did. Until now......

You were deeply hurt by what Jacob said to you, and if he thought that you would get over it he was surely mistaken. He had never said anything more hurtful to you in your entire friendship. You had thought about just letting it go, letting life run its course even if it meant Jacob being out of your life, but you couldn't just sit and let him speak to you that way. You wanted answers. Sitting in your room waiting for him to call and explain was becoming too stressful. You sat there for hours overthinking and no matter what you were doing you were replaying the moment in your mind.

You must be going crazy. At least that's what you were trying to convince yourself after seeing Jacob cliff-jumping with Sam Uley and his gang. You had decided that you would go to La Push, and relax your body and mind on one of the only partly cloudy days in Forks. The skies were pretty clear but there was a storm coming soon, so you decided to do it now. Never in your life did you think you would see what you were seeing now. Are you fucking serious? was all you could think as you drove your car straight to Billy Black's house. You wanted to make sure it was really Jacob, so you went to the man who had told you how 'serious' his condition was in the first place.

As you pulled into the driveway the clouds began covering the sky in a dark grey mass. You hopped out of the car and began walking to the front door, Billy had opened the door as soon as you stepped onto the wood. His face had a mix of concern and confusion as he noticed your agitated expression and the way your chest was slightly heaving from anger.

"Where is he" you say with a grumble.

"He's not here, he went out," He says seriously but looking down a bit not wanting to make eye contact. Billy didn't like lying to you and to your face it was even worse.

Just as you were about to speak you looked to the side and saw that far away down the hill, Jacob stood playfully nudging another man as a few more came out of the woods.

"Don't Y/N" Billy said in warning.

You started stomping down the hill, ignoring Billy's yells. Billy calling your name caught the attention of Jacob, as his face shifted from laughing to completely still. You continued to walk towards Jacob as the rain started, it quickly went from a drizzle to full pouring as you finally reached him.

To say you were fuming would be an understatement.

"What the actual fuck Jacob!" you say basically screaming at the shirtless man, who was now staring directly into your eyes with what looked like pure amazement but you ignored it the best you could, whatever love for him you felt in that moment may have been strong but you were too angry to care so you continued.

"So we have one fight and you ignore me for two weeks?! I called you ten times, ten times Jacob. You couldn't bother picking up the phone at least once, you could've told me you didn't want to be friends but no! You had your daddy lie to me" You say with an angry laugh.

"I thought you were sick Jacob! Too sick to pick up the damn phone and text me! Come to find out you were just having too much fun cliff jumping with the guys we used to make fun of! You know what you can have them, If you want to throw away seventeen years of friendship then be my guest." You say finally taking a breath.

The weight off of your chest feels amazing, but as you finish Jacob falls to his knees. The boys behind him look between you two with pure shock on their faces before they start laughing and smiling. You look up at them shocked and confused thinking they were making fun of you. They start walking away but not before patting Jake on the back. Sam leans down and whispers something to him as he sits there still on his knees staring at you.

"Do you even care about a word I just said to you? You know what never mind if you think this is a joke I might as well leave," You say turning around and starting to walk away.

Jacob suddenly found his voice as he quickly got to his feet and stumbled trying to reach you.

"WAIT! Wait, wait, Y/N please hold on!" He spoke hurriedly. Grasping for your hand and pulling you around. Hand now resting on your waist.

"I am so, so sorry. Please let me explain everything, I promise I won't lie to you anymore. I can explain everything now, just come inside and dry off." He said pleadingly, trying his best to get you to listen to him.

You thought for a moment, you didn't trust him at all but the way he was speaking you knew he was telling the truth to some extent. It was hard for him to lie to you, you know how Jacob works, you know the subtle mannerisms he has when he's not telling the truth. Considering all of this you finally speak.

"Fine, but if things don't add up or I find out you are still lying, I am gone," You say sternly, pulling his hands away from you and walking up the hill.

When you get to the house, Jacob gives you warm tea and a blanket which you take from him without a word. He comes over and sits across from you. He almost reaches for your hand but stops himself.

"The day that I left your house, something changed, I changed...." He claimed, looking at your reaction with a hint of fear but continued "This is going to sound crazy, but you have to believe me on this..... I am a werewolf"

You stared at him for a moment before throwing the blanket off and standing up, Jacob followed suit immediately. You threw him a glare before starting to walk out.

"No, No, Y/N wait!" he shouted after you, reaching out and grabbing your hand. "I am telling the truth let me show you" He spoke as he continued outside your hand still in his.

" I swear Jacob if this is a pra....."

You went dead silent as he began taking his boots, and then his shorts off. Now standing in just his underwear. He gave you a curt nod and then started bending and shaking profusely. You could barely blink before your best friend stood in front of you only he wasn't human anymore, he was a massive wolf.

You jumped back a bit as the wolf started coming towards you, noticing your fear he slowly laid down on the ground and gave out a small whine to signal he would not hurt you. You were in complete shock, how was this possible? Everything you ever heard about the stories of the Quileute tribe growing up was true, and your best friend was living proof. A thousand thoughts ran through your mind, but they were silenced by the wolf standing up and trotting to the back of the house. Jacob then emerged in different clothes than before.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't tell you Y/N" Jacob expressed, grabbing your hands hesitantly until you leaned into the touch slightly.

"Why couldn't you tell me, you know I would never judge you, nor would I ever tell anyone " You pressed before giving him a confused stare "Wait why are you telling me now?"

He looked at you a gave you a crooked smile.

"It's one of the rules that came with the gig" He laughs a bit before pulling you a bit closer. "The reason I can tell you now is because you are my soulmate," He says beaming down at you.

You stare up at him with a bewildered expression.

"I'm your what?" you say breathing out.

"You are my imprint, Y/N. It's a wolf's soulmate, it is the reason for their existence, you feel like it isn't gravity holding you to the ground anymore, it's them. You can be anything the imprint wants you to be, a friend, a protector, a lover, all that matters is that the two are connected. Like vines on trees overlapping each other both on the same path, interlocked." He pauses, putting his hand on your face and caressing your cheek gently.

"I know this might be overwhelming and a lot to handle. I really want you to know how deeply sorry I am for everything that I said. I'm not going to sit here and blame it all on the wolf because it wasn't, I was jealous. I was jealous that you went on that date with someone that wasn't me and I didn't mean a word that I said about you. I'm going to be fully honest with you from now on, starting with the fact that I have been in love with you since the second grade. I know that trusting me will take time, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to earn it back. I understand that I have hurt you, so it might take a very long time but I will always be there for you. Everything is up to you, I understand if you want to reject the connection. The connection can be anything you want it to be, but I really truly do not want to lose you and the past two weeks without you have been hell on earth for me. I'm just really sorry Y/N." He pleads letting go of your hands and allowing you to process.

"I... I love you too Jacob. I have for a while now. I'm not going to forgive you easily but I am glad you understand how much you have hurt me. I am willing to give this a shot, mainly because I can feel the connection and would be an idiot if I said that I didn't." You laugh a bit as he looks at you with the biggest smile on his face.

"But if you ever say or do that to me again I will put you in a dog house and leave you there," You say with an evil smile laughing at the way his face drops before he joins in.

You two get out of the rain and drive separately to Emily's house where you meet the pack and they explain in much more detail what being a wolf really entails. You and Emily become quick friends, and as the days go on you slowly fall into a routine that is pure chaos but you wouldn't have it any other way. You and Jacob work on your relationship, slowly building back trust and falling deeper and deeper into love with each other. You have fully accepted your place in a world filled with wolves and life seems to be going great, that is until they tell you exactly why they turn into the big ferocious beasts....... there are vampires in Forks.

[rey-jake-therapist]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗 (i don't know if you do these sorts of chain-letter things, or if you'd prefer not to, but for my part i do like to know which of their works a given author is especially hype on, so consider this an opportunity to gush!)

Well I've only got 6 fics available online so it's going to be easy to answer that LOL I used to have more, all Reylo fics, but one day I took them all off because 1) they were my first and last experience at writing "AUs" aka at playing dolls with characters I never really shipped in their canon universe (sorry for those who like them but I really don't get the popularity of that ship) 2) they were constantly snubbed so I thought I was a hack who couldn't write. Wrong fandom + imposter syndrome = I woke up one morning and went through a destruction phase. I kept the fics in my docs though. There's one I think I could convert into an original story.... One day 🤣

But back to the subject: I'll start to class them by personal preference rather than by fandom, so sorry if it looks a bit messy... Like the inside of my head haha.

Rise and Shine (The Sandman/Sweetbitter crossover)

I wrote this one as a gift for Tom Sturridge 💜 There was a girl on Twitter who had the wonderful idea of putting together a book containing fan art, fan letters and short fics, with the purpose of giving it to Tom when she'd meet him at the Basinkton Con. So I came up with this one shot, where Jake from Sweetbitter meets Dream of the Endless. Definitely my favorite work.

2. Lost Souls (Sweetbitter)

It's an unfinished project but it's my 2nd favorite fic. I just love this story and even though it's quite clear that I lost my audience lately, probably because I spend too much time on my characters' personal story and not enough on the romaaaaance for most of fanfic readers, I like very much the direction it's taking. I'm actually considering dropping it as a fanfic and turning it into an original novel. Lately I've been sick as hell and unable to write a line, but I thought a lot about this fanfiction thing: I don't get the hang of it. I tried, and tried, but I can't seem to grasp what the average fanfic reader wants. And Lost Souls, well, with a few changes I think I can easily make it an original story. Not to mention that "Jake", yikes.... I really don't like that name. Anyway, I love this fic.

3. Dream a Little Dream of Us (The Sandman)

It's my version of "Johanna Constantine, Nuala the Elf and Hob Gadling walk into a bar..." Except it's happening after Morpheus' death, and they're all dreaming. It's a very sweet fic that I wrote for Sandtober 2023 and I like it very much:

4. It's So Cold (Sherlock, platonic Sherlolly)

I warned you it would be messy, didn't I? 🤣 For this one I put myself in Molly Hooper's shoes and tried to imagine remember how it felt to be in love with a man who doesn't love me.

5. Bitter Sweet Lullaby (The Sandman, Dream x OC)

This short "story" is in fact an excerpt from the Sandman fic I began writing several months ago but that I have reworked so it would stand on its own for Sandtober2023.

It tells a part of Dream's past, where a fae named Eleanora, the princess of Faery, made Dream happy. I'm sorry I can't tell you more about her and what happens to her because it would spoil the fun to come, except that she is post Endless Nights and pre-Vortex but pre-Titiana and pre-Alianora.

In this scene I also include Larri Bea’s lovely song ‘Dream’s lullaby’; as it was written specifically for Dream, it gave me the idea of having it sung to him by the woman he loved :)

[fallen-in-dreams]

CHAPTER FIVE on AO3.

Chapters on Tumblr: One. Two. Three. Four.

Pairing: Gaara/Sakura.

Summary: Her descent into madness came after her friends were all dead and before she was sold off like livestock. To him. He knew a thing or two about madness. And there was peace to be found in the violence of that madness. Even if only for a time. Canon divergence AU.

Rated: Mature.

Chapter word count: 6,551.

Status: Ongoing.

Reminder: the tags/warnings are important.

Enjoy. :)

Warnings: dark themes. Arranged marriage (not what you think). Eventual smut (level and degree of that warning being necessary is subjective). Death. Suicide talk. Self-harm. PTSD – expect some well-known symptoms and some not well-known ones. Please don’t read if you’re triggered by psychological &/or emotional-related trauma and effects.

Notes: Hi. Sorry for the late update. I do still plan to post these chapters once a week. Last week I was busy then really sick. It was a whole thing. Thanks to everyone who is commenting, etc. I cannot describe how amazing it feels to know people are reading this. Also, the edit for this chapter took it from 4k words to 6k. Not sure why that's important. Just wanted to say.

Anyway. Enjoy. ^_^

Tumblr version:

.:.

I can fake a smile I can force a laugh I can dance and play the part If that's what you ask Give you all I am I can do it

-- Human, by Christina Perri

.:.

… Chapter Five: Something in the Air. ...

If there was one thing Sakura hated more than being underestimated, it was being pitied.

It was on his face. It was on theirs.

She had been minding her own business, content to not interact with the rabid wedding planners, just watching them as they fussed and argued. As they made plans and chose fabrics and discussed whether they’d have to import silk brocade or satin weaves. As they decided if it was even worth it to have the San San Kudo (the nuptial cups) made by hand, since their existing ones only incorporated Suna designs and culture, and it would be oh-so-rude not to include the Konoha traditions.

Why is he even here?

Sitting on a two-seater lounge, at the far corner of the room, she frowned at him as his eyes scanned the room before landing on hers.

Maybe the secretary of that obnoxious council member had said something to Gaara or maybe Sajō bragged to him about telling off the foreign, ignorant kunoichi. She had no idea why the redhead would suddenly turn up here of all places, if not for pity. So, he knew. He had to. It was insulting. If he cared enough to feel pity for her, he should be pushing to get her a volunteer position somewhere. It didn’t have to be the hospital. It could be almost anywhere. Somewhere that wasn’t this tedious day-to-day, forced to listen to bitter old women plan a wedding that wasn’t going to happen.

If she wasn’t allowed to take her frustration out on a training field, let alone other shinobi, the least they could do was leave her alone.

Sakura had noticed him first. Next was the Root shadow. She saw the masked freak’s hand twitch, like he was itching to grab his weapon and attack the Kazekage. Under that monkey mask, who knew how seriously he was debating it. Sakura kind of wanted him to try. It might put her in front of the council, but at least the shadow would be gone.

Then how would I get out of here?

She sighed as the atmosphere thickened and the rest of the room finally noticed Gaara standing in the open doorway. After a few moments of shock and awe, the older lady, Kanna, stepped forward to greet him. She bowed deeply. “Lord Kazekage. It is an honour.”

“Please,” he said, holding up a hand, his eyes still on Sakura. “Continue as you normally would. I am merely an observer.”

Kanna took that to heart and proceeded to ignore him, organising the rest of the group around herself once more. The other ladies, however, continued to steal glances at Gaara as he made his way over to Sakura.

She sat up straight. “Gaara.”

The redhead had insisted she call him by his given name during one of their dinner nights. While Kankuro chuckled like a little kid amused by his parents being dorks, Gaara and Sakura debated back and forth what to call each other. They eventually decided on just using their respective first names. The biddies in the room might look scandalised, but who cared what they thought?

“Sakura.”

And they also dropped all honorifics.

Matsuri was grinning at Sakura from across the room, as Yukata stood quietly and thoughtfully next to her. Gaara shifted his weight between his feet for a moment before sitting down next to her, maintaining as much of a respectable distance as he could in the small space the seating offered.

Ever the gentlemen. I wonder if those kinds of men come pre-installed, or if you have to kill a virgin for them to magically appear.

She forced her face into a mild grimace to keep from laughing at her ridiculous thought. Gaara shifted on the lounge to better face her.

I repeat: why is he even here?

He was looking at her like she was jigsaw puzzle. Or one-piece shy of one, maybe. She attempted to smile. His sudden presence during the planning and bickering somehow made it feel more real. Like it wasn’t actually a farce. Like it wasn’t a distant idea or New Year’s Resolution that nobody ever held to. Like it was real.

It’s not real.

Sakura shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Soooo….” She had no idea what to end that with and instead cleared her throat. “How much work does a wedding take?”

“I don’t know,” Gaara admitted, his eyes drifting over to the biddies. There was a sadness as his eyes lingered on Matsuri and Yukata.

Sakura nodded and watched the women in the room work. Like any girly child, she’d had her fantasy wedding planned out before she even came of age, so had some idea how the process worked. Given that she had little concept of money prior to becoming a kunoichi, she’d skipped right over the budget part.

The ideas, themes, and styles section (as Ino had called it) came next. A venue had to be decided upon – when she was a child, it was the park behind her parents’ apartment, and later it morphed into a weird, snow-covered winter land setting. Then Sakura would send out the invitations and people came from far and wide, because apparently, she was loved by so many faceless people. Her dreams were of a perfect day that her adult mind had realised would have cost a fucking fortune to achieve.

She grimaced at the wedding planners. I wonder how much money they’re going to spend on this monstrosity before they realise it’s all a waste.

“I don’t think we’re needed for this,” she said, after a few minutes of silence.

Gaara made a soft sound of agreement but didn’t look eager to get up and leave. Sakura glanced at him in her peripherals, biting the inside of her mouth and thinking. He looked to be paying attention to what the planners were doing, but at the same time, she got the impression his mind was elsewhere.

Why is he even here?

She felt her heart skip a beat and Sakura forced herself to breathe in deeply, sitting up straighter, and then let her breath out in one long exhalation. The air rippled around her. It never smelled of death. Which scared her more than the apparition itself. Its arrival had the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end and she eyed it warily.

“He’s as crazy as you,” the mirage said, blurring slightly as it moved between the bickering ladies, lazily drifting toward the fake engaged couple. Its body moved like liquid fire. “Ask him.”

She narrowed her eyes at it. Are you a portent of things to come, or a wound I don’t remember?

The mirage just smiled knowingly, those broken gums and bloodied teeth taunting her. Sakura sighed and turned to face Gaara. He didn’t seem to notice at first, his attention drifting back to the planners.

Here goes nothing.

“Have you ever killed someone in cold blood? I mean after you stopped listening to Shukaku,” she added quickly. Her voice was low enough so that only Gaara could hear her.

His eyes widened at her for a second, clearly not having expected that kind of question from her. “No.”

Not since he stopped listening to Shukaku. Not for years. Interesting. Sakura held his gaze, steeling herself. “But you’ve ordered men and women to their deaths.”

Even though that wasn’t a question, he still nodded in reply. She bit her lip for a moment, thinking. What was she trying to accomplish? She glanced at the mirage. It was watching closely.

I have no idea.

Sakura turned away from him, a feeling of adrenaline overwhelming her sensibilities. “I once killed a man with the fibula from his left shin.”

Gaara glanced at her. He frowned. She could almost read his mind: how would that even work?

“He was trying to grab my butt,” she said, as though that explained things.

Gaara coughed once before covering his mouth to cough again. It was a strangled sound. A slight tinge of pink decorated his pale skin.

“And he stole my kunai,” she added. That was the important part.

She chuckled nervously when he didn’t respond. Well, this is awkward.

Sakura wasn’t sure how to fill the resulting silence, or if it even should be filled at all. Gaara clearly hadn’t come here to have a long, in-depth talk about things. Them. The wedding plans. What was really going to happen. Or even what had been planned for dinner. She’d had more loquacious conversations with muzzled assassination targets.

But gone were the days when she was satisfied with silence. When she wore her own muzzle.

She couldn’t help herself. The words just started tumbling out of her mouth. Sakura told Gaara about the time she castrated a man with a quick twist of her wrist and single swipe of her chakra scalpel. She talked about the time she hung a client upside down for an hour because he was short a few hundred ryō for her collection detail. Sakura remembered that mission fondly because there were no Root shadows in the immediate vicinity and she had taken her time with the man, if only to delay having to return to her ever-watchful comrades.

She couldn’t bring herself to look at Gaara directly, so she wasn’t sure what he was doing, but in her peripherals, it was obvious he was paying attention. His head tilted toward her, his fists clenched and resting on his trousers, he was clearly listening. It ultimately didn’t matter.

Sakura stared at the wall, her eyes stinging from not blinking. “Then there was this aide of some Lord.”

Should I be telling him all this?

It wasn’t even any high-level stuff. These didn’t matter.

“I had a knife; you know like a proper chef’s knife.” She smiled at this memory. “Slid it right in between the fourth and fifth rib, slanting on an angle, to the left and,” she mimed the movement with her hands, “sliced him right through the left ventricle.”

Beside her, Gaara had stiffened. The logical part of her brain recognised that he was uncomfortable with this topic, but she kept going. There was a rush in letting it all out. She felt lighter as she described in detail how she’d been so close to death the last time she was on a mission but oh no, it didn’t compare to that time she was naked and enjoying the bathhouses in a quaint village at the base of the mountain ranges in the Land of Lightning when she was attacked by a three-man squad of Kumogakure Anbu.

That one had ended bloody.

“Men are such perverts,” she said, growling. “Let’s have a good time before we slice you open, he’d said.” Her voice rose a few octaves as she mimicked the Anbu leader who had immediately sexualised her. “So, after I killed the rest of his squad, I cut off his penis.” Gaara coughed softly, but she continued. “Served him right, the pig.”

Sakura took a deep breath in and then let it out in one go. Pins and needles attacked her skin, and she shook herself. That felt good. Great, even. But in the aftermath, shame was creeping its way back into her once again.

Gaara shifted uncomfortably next to her, much in the same way one did when they wanted to flee for their proverbial lives but were too polite to just up and go.

Why the fuck did I just say all that?

“I was…” He trailed off and she swallowed heavily. “I came here…” He sighed. “I don’t know why I came here.”

Suddenly she felt angry.

Feeling guilty for shoving this on me?

She almost sneered, forcing herself to calm down even as she frowned at him. The old Sakura would not be talking his ear off about this that and everything. She would be polite and respectful, and maybe engage in some sort of agreed upon topic of conversation, but it would be about abstract, mundane things. That wasn’t her anymore, anyway.

I’m not me, anymore.

She cleared her throat but couldn’t think of what to say to make it better.

Gaara shifted again. Then cocked his head to the side in that now-familiar way he did.

Must be Anbu.

Sakura watched on, feeling helpless, as whomever he was communicating with appeared for a few seconds before disappearing ominously. Gaara stood and stretched for a few moments before turning to face her. He looked lost for what to say. Like a sad little boy that had been lectured on the birds and the bees.

“I look forward to your presence tonight,” he said uncertainly and all she could do was nod her head in response before he left the building.

Oh god. Kami.

Her heart ached and she didn’t know why. Why had he come? What was he doing to her? Why did he leave?

Sakura felt like crying. She could feel the emotion bubbling up in her chest. There was no logical reason to feel this way. She couldn’t possibly be this attached to him, let alone anyone in Suna. That was ludicrous. Her brain knew better but there was a painful tugging on her heart that didn’t care about reason or logic.

They took him away.

For a moment, she almost thought she could tell him everything, and had certainly said more than he’d expected or wanted to hear. It felt good to unload on him, even if she realised, in hindsight, how fucked up she’d sounded. But they weren’t friends, not really, just acquaintances. Acquaintances that needed to keep their emotional distance from each other, lest her stupid inner romantic take it for something more.

Distantly, she noticed the wedding planners were watching her more closely. Matsuri and Yukata had pulled away from the other ladies and moved closer, stopping halfway, and looking uncertain.

Did they hear any of what I just told Gaara?

But it didn’t matter. She ignored it all, lost in her own thoughts.

Sakura had no idea why Gaara had come to this building, to this room, but she’d convinced herself that he’d come here because of her. That he clearly cared. She wasn’t nobody to him. And maybe it was that presumption that made her miss him once he left. She didn’t want to get attached. It would be an unhealthy and unwarranted intimacy. But she couldn’t help but want to reach out to him as he walked away, leaving her alone once again. Her heart ached to talk to him, to anyone, who would actually listen. Someone that she felt comfortable with. But she couldn’t. Sakura was fucked up, so any hint of kindness was liable to make her hold too tightly to someone.

She understood that.

Then go flirt with Matsuri and Yukata, she told her inner pessimist. See if you grow an attachment to them.

It would be an interesting distraction, but she couldn’t risk that one either.

Sakura closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing. The familiar panic began to settle. It didn’t take as long as she’d thought it would. Between breaths she reminded herself how stupid she was being.

He didn’t come here for me. He was just checking on the wedding planners.

Yes. There was a question on his face the whole time. He was trying to figure something out. He hadn’t come to hear her woes.

It had nothing to do with me.

Yes, that was it. She needed to forget Gaara. She needed to forget how his absence made her feel. She could not afford to be so weak right now. Sakura had more important things to worry about. She’d been practising the hand signs Sai had taught her to make ink creatures, trying to figure out how she was even going to make the damn thing work without the artist’s tutelage. Not to mention she needed to organise her thoughts about the missions Danzou had been sending her on. Sure, they were all clearly suicide runs and dangerous and blah, blah, blah, but they were important somehow. She just knew it.

He’s up to something, the bastard.

“What are you going to do about it?”

Sakura opened her eyes and stared at her mirage.

“You should have left before you got here,” it said mockingly. “Now you’re just trapped, like a dumb arse.”

It was right. She let her gaze sweep over the room and accidentally caught Matsuri watching her from across the room (when had she moved back over there?), a look of uncertainty on her face. Yukata got her attention and the brunette looked away, but her eyes flickered back to the pinkette a few times before Sakura had had enough. She stood and strode out of the room.

She ignored the women calling her name. She ignored the shadow who was quick to catch on to what she was doing.

Sakura stormed out of the room, down the hallway, and out of the building. She sped up to a powerwalk, her vision blurry from unshed tears and barrelled down the busy road. There were no active chakra signatures in the vicinity other than her own and the closely following Root shadow.

That I can tell.

Images of being trapped in carts and tree trunks and under the weight of heavy, masculine muscle swept across her vision, making her flinch. The suffocating pain of not knowing which moment would be her last. The only constant was the throbbing pain that pressed down on her chest, spreading down her chest, her abdomen and further until it morphed into a searing agony. The only guarantee she had in life being that she would return to Konoha to have to do it all over again. Her head hurt just thinking about it.

And remembering it.

Chakra flared to her right and Sakura quickened her pace, leaving the Root shadow to fall behind her as she jumped to the rooftops. A stupid looking monkey hid an angry face. She could tell by the way he sped up again and attempted to cut her off two small buildings later. Was it because she’d stormed out of the Conference Building? Right. She was deviating from the script he’d memorised that Danzo gave him.

Her head hurt.

Sakura landed on a rooftop, pivoted, and then took off again in a different direction. He followed. It was a race. But before she knew it, he was cutting her off again. He wanted to drive her back toward that inane, tedious, annoying group of biddies. Well, she wasn’t having it.

Making a decision, she stopped suddenly and dropped to ground level. There was no-one nearby. A back alley. No witnesses.

It was narrow, with some wooden boxes and clay statues that she guessed were just for decoration. Or a part of Suna culture. What windows she could see were definitely closed. And locked. And likely were rarely ever opened at all anyway. The ground was relatively clean though, for a back street.

The Root landed about ten feet away from her, cracking his knuckles, no weapon drawn as he moved slowly toward her. Sakura tried to summon the fortitude she’d need to rip that mask off his face and gut him with it.

“Do it.”

The mirage was a shimmer of colour in her peripherals and raging like a caged, angry animal.

Sakura narrowed her eyes at the Root as he stopped suddenly, six feet away from her, his body now relaxed.

“Back you go, girly,” the Root said, his voice muffled behind his mask. “No Kazekage out here to protect you. To coddle you.”

She lifted her chin defiantly as he fingered the weapon pouch on his hip. It was likely a shuriken holster, given its size. Root members didn’t have a dress code so to speak, other than their masks and robes. But out of the village and on missions they had taken to looking more like traditional Anbu, minus the robes. There must have been a meeting or something, once Danzo took over, where they all agreed what kind of standard issue outfit was in style.

Despite herself, Sakura smiled at that.

“I’m not kidding, pinky,” he said, his voice betraying a lot of repressed anger. His mood swings were almost as bad as hers it seemed. “Get your useless arse back in that room.”

“No.”

“Bitch.”

Sakura wasn’t scared of the Root. But she needed something to stop him with. She needed to get past him. He was quick on his feet so she wasn’t sure who would make it back to the Kazekage mansion first. Being weaponless wasn’t helping this need.

“You’re a pathetic excuse for a kunoichi if you need a weapon to take this arsehole out.”

Ignore that, she told herself and glanced at the wooden boxes less than a foot from her. They looked breakable. She reached over and grabbed the lid from one, using her enhanced strength to break a piece off; jagged and painful looking.

“Pinky...”

Sakura turned back to face him. “Get out of my way.”

“Go back to the Conference Building.”

This wasn’t a negotiation.

Sakura held the broken wood up in front of her face, shifting into an attack position. The Root mirrored her movements but didn’t draw his weapon. Was he under orders to avoid fighting her? Or avoid doing this where they could get caught and hinder whatever his mission here really was, maybe? Or she just didn’t scare him enough. She had no clue.

“Kill him!”

Without another moment’s hesitation Sakura threw the wooden, makeshift kunai as hard as she could and the Root barely moved out of the way, grunting in a way that made her think he was surprised by the speed of the projectile. It imbedded into the wall behind him. Without thinking about it, she had added chakra to the piece of wood. Infusion wasn’t alien to her. She’d killed targets with chakra infused kunai before, so why not a random, broken piece of a lid? Even something as shoddy as this could become a deadly weapon in the hands of any ninja worth their salt.

The Root stared at her, his feet shifting along the ground as he braced himself for whatever she might throw at him next. Or for an attack of his own. Anything could be going through that twisted brain of his. They’re all twisted. Underneath that mask of his, she imagined he was studying her stance, looking for any sign that she would continue her aggression. Eyes narrowed. Lips pulled into a tight line of grim determination. Nose flaring.

Sakura lifted her chin further and tried to mirror this imagined expression. She grabbed another piece of shoddy wood. Still, he didn’t draw his own steel.

“Now! Do it now!”

Her mirage looked blood thirsty.

“Kill him!”

Her fingers itched to throttle him. To rip him apart and tear at his intestines. To imbed that infernal mask into his skull, over and over again. She almost tried. She almost lunged at him. She almost summoned chakra into a scalpel over her hands to slice him apart that way. It was unusual to use this medic technique in battle, but she had the required precision to pull it off.

Last time I checked.

She hadn’t used it in a while because it was frowned upon in the medical field. It was just supposed to be used in surgery. But hadn’t she already thrown her morality out of the window for Danzo long ago?

Sakura felt the urge to do all these things. But the part of her that was still sane knew it was a bad idea. Now was not the time or place to settle things with him. She hadn’t even created some ink creatures to scope out Suna’s perimeter yet. Her chest felt heavy and ached at the thought that she might have been unconsciously procrastinating on that. She needed a better plan than this. She needed to have more faith in herself. And patience. Sakura was angry at herself now, for lashing out with no long-term plan in mind.

The shadow would be expecting an attack from her now. She wouldn’t be able to take him by surprise again.

“Do it!”

Sakura forced herself not to groan audibly as she relaxed her stance. But she didn’t give the Root the time to take advantage of her as she slackened. Sakura turned and fled down the alleyway. And surprisingly, he let her go this time.

“Coward!”

She would do this properly another day.

If I’m even alive when that happens.

.:.

She ran as fast as her legs could carry her.

Like a coward.

There was no Root shadow hovering about outside the Kazekage mansion as Sakura approached. She slowed to a stop right in front of the door and bent over, like she was was out of breath. The truth was so much worse. She slumped to the ground all the energy having left her body. There was no sign of any nearby chakra as she closed her eyes, sitting on the doorstep, just waiting out her newest panic attack. It was never-ending and she was sick and tired of feeling like this.

Like the last hundred times.

The urge to just up and run out of the village right now was strong. What were the guards going to do, chase after her? Abandon their posts to track down this wayward fool? It was such a stupid impulse, but she didn’t care. Not really. Well, a little. It might be fun to leave the Root in the lurch, but she had to be realistic – it would reflect badly on Gaara. Danzo could use it as an excuse to declare open war. It could…

Her running away could hurt people. And not just those who deserve it. She inhaled deeply, a strangled gasp. Sakura climbed to her feet shakily and grabbed the doorknob, intent on entering the Kazekage mansion, but paused. There was chakra nearby. She frowned as her senses tingled with the feel of it. No, it wasn’t nearby. It was distant. But it was pulsing. Anbu? A careless one.

She shook herself and entered the mansion. The home of the Kazekage clan never failed to impress her with its casual opulence. The study room just off the foyer was tempting; walls lined with books and comfy chairs poised in front of a mahogany table that would take several burly civilians to shift. Sakura ignored it, as she often did, and had a drink in the kitchen before making her way upstairs. It still felt so alien to be in here but there was a part of her that was comforted by it, nonetheless. The people who lived here existed in her memories from before Danzo. It was a warm feeling. Fuzzy. Reminding her of better days that, surprisingly, did not ultimately upset her. She held onto that.

Closing the door to her bedroom door, a now familiar distortion appeared in her peripherals. She glanced at the monstrosity before moving to the bed and throwing herself down onto the comforter. Staring at the ceiling, she weighed her options. Escaping in the manner she’d been thinking about had more cons than pros, but she needed something. Something that would make everything fit into place and solve all the problems that scenario had.

“Create a distraction.”

She stubbornly refused to look at the mirage as it paced the end of her bed, like a predator stalking its prey, just without the instinct and intelligence. And without the excuse of needing a full, hearty meal.

“Don’t take anything with you. Just leave. In the chaos, nobody will be able to prove you just ran away.”

Wouldn’t they, though? Her body would be missing from the dead. Her personal belongings having magically disappeared. Suspiciously. They wouldn’t know what really happened. She would be an unknown. Doubts would inevitably be raised as to not only her whereabouts but her true loyalties. And it wouldn’t end at her. There’d be no telling where the fingers would point next.

“Since when do you care what happens to this stupid village?”

Sakura sat up and stared at the mirage. It had stopped pacing and the look it was giving her was the most vitriol expression she’d ever seen. Danzo had never looked at her with that much hate. It both annoyed and unnerved her.

What the hell are you?

There were a number of possibilities but since it was none too forthcoming, she had only questions.

“I’m not going to leave Gaara or his siblings to clean up my mess.”

“Stop being a coward, bitch!”

Sakura glared, her irritation growing. “Fuck you.”

It smirked at her. “That’s a start.” It flickered out of existence.

If only that were the case.

She sighed, suddenly more tired than before. But oddly enough, she was also extremely motivated. She did care. She really did. That realisation made her giddy. But there was no harm in being prepared for the worst.

Sakura jumped off the bed and sat on her floor, bum tucked under her legs. She ran through the signs to create an ink creature, picturing Sai’s movements in her mind.

It still needs work.

And apparently, she had time. Sakura sighed deeply and ran through the signs again. Things were going to get interesting around here very soon.

No matter what I decide to do.

.:.

Staring out his office window, the fifth Kazekage could only frown.

The day had not gone according to plan. Gaara had heard from a reliable source, who’d heard it from someone who knew Councillor Sajō’s secretary, that Sakura had approached the man about being put to work somewhere. In truth, they should have employed Sakura somewhere, like the hospital, or even just as an assistant to an official, given her history. But it was the opinion of several members of the council that not only could she not be trusted not to steal village secrets, but also that the mere presence of her Root shadow proved it.

The lackey of the Hokage made everyone nervous.

Even Ebizō was erring on the side of caution, agreeing to limit Sakura’s movement in the village, even if he clearly didn’t like it. Gaara knew the old man had immeasurable respect for the former Hokage’s protégé due to the incident with his sister and her sudden death. He knew the man did not distrust her, so to speak, but it still rankled Gaara when he talked to Ebizō, and the old man dismissed the issue.

“We have our own, shared concerns to worry more about, young Kazekage.”

Like he would ever forget about their agreement, nor the last time an enemy made some noise inside the village. It was not unusual during Cold Wars for ninja to undermine another village within their own walls. Sometimes, he felt like Ebizō would have him focus solely on one thing at a time, unthinking of all other problems. As Kazekage, this was not feasible. And helping Sakura would not hinder their other efforts.

It was only after Gaara had left Ebizō and taken time to settle down that he realised there was another path. So, he decided to see what all the fuss was about and sit in on one of the wedding planning sessions. Much to his own detriment.

And I thought Kankuro was a glutton for oversharing.

The important thing was that Sakura was being underutilised and was clearly bored out of her mind. The tediousness of wedding planning was not something he’d imagine a woman would have a problem with, but clearly, she did.

Gaara spent the rest of the day thinking about ways to help her as he went about his duties. He could go over the council leader’s head and let her spend some time working in the hospital, even if just in a lowly position and dealing solely with civilians. She would appreciate that, and he found the idea of being on the receiving end of her genuine smile for his effort motivation enough to try.

So, he would look into it. But even if he did overrule the council members, Gaara would still have to find someone willing to accept Sakura’s assistance. It would not do to use his position as Kazekage on hospital staff or any-ranking officials, after all. He just needed to convince someone.

That could take a while.

But he would do his best to speed up the process. In the meantime, keeping a closer eye on her was also something he felt necessary. He could convince himself it was for the security of the village or his promise to Naruto, but really, he wanted to. This new Sakura scared him. And pained him to witness. But he wanted her to be okay, on his own accord.

Gaara sighed, cocking his head to the side when he sensed the sudden, incoming flare of familiar chakra.

The first Anbu (codenamed Butai) had nothing to report, having patrolled the outskirts of Suna and flitted between several of the outer-village chakra dragnets. All was clear, apparently. The masked man quickly rattled off a few observations he had on the stability of said traps and then vanished, once his Kazekage gave him permission to depart. The second Anbu lingered at the doorway, not one who had ever been so easy to divert.

Gaara waved him in, and the Anbu stepped into the room. “Report.”

The Anbu bowed. His code name was Bear, funnily enough, considering his personality. Apparently, he’d chosen it himself, which was unusual since code names were typically chosen by the team captain. It hinted to the rebellious nature he kept hidden within. The council had told Gaara not to pick him for the Anbu Black Ops, but he had decided the coalition could use some fresh perspectives. Bear also reminded the redhead of the passion he’d once admired from Konoha ninja.

“Lord Kazekage.” Bear handed over a scroll, that Gaara quickly opened and skimmed while the Anbu continued. “There is one troubling thing to report.” He hesitated, uncharacteristically. “The Root member tripped a sensory jutsu on the lower levels of the Kazekage Office Building.”

Colloquially referred to as the council building. He’s talking about the lowest level. The one with the Anbu Headquarters.

Gaara hated that place.

“I know.” He couldn’t decide if the Root was trying to goad them as a part of some kind of scare tactic or was just messing with their heads. Or if he was just bored. Nothing he’d done so far was interfering with the normal operations of the village so Gaara couldn’t drag him before the council, let alone have him quietly “disappeared” for it.

As much as I’d like to.

Bear continued. “It didn’t do any damage, but we don’t know what that Root is capable of. For all we know, he’s proficient in seals and sensory techniques.” He took a deep breath like he was preparing himself for a rant. “He can’t be trusted not to attack us next time. If it’s not too bold to suggest, we should take care of him now, while he is relatively contained.”

This Anbu did not know the delicate state of affairs surrounding that Root member and his master. Gaara couldn’t do what he was suggesting. Not yet. He just sighed and placed the scroll down on his desk.

After a moment, the irreverent Anbu began to shift uncomfortably. “Permission to speak freely, Lord Kazekage?”

Gaara knew what was coming but nodded his head anyway.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, sir, given your history with her village and friends.” Bear stood straight, like he was being put in a military line-up, chin held high. “But it is my opinion that Sakura Haruno should not be trusted either.”

At least he used her name. Many on the council still just call her “that Konoha kunoichi” or worse.

It was a logical inference, but it was wrong. Gaara did not personally know Sakura, though he’d gotten to know her better through their dinners. And her recent trauma dumping.

Has she always been so brazenly and inherently violent?

So much of the strange girl who’d been obsessed with the Uchiha seemed to have been stripped away. The façade she now put on was remarkably familiar to Gaara – it was one of survival and deliberate misdirection. A mask he’d had to don for years due to the detrimental effects of housing Shukaku.

But despite her obvious shortcoming, and questionable mental state, there was no way Naruto’s precious person would ever collaborate with someone as despicable as Danzo. He believed that wholeheartedly.

The scepticism must have registered on his face because Bear continued voicing his scepticism. “Root have sophisticated brainwashing techniques.”

Yes, they do, Gaara admitted silently. But sometimes it is more fun to torment an unwilling mind.

He had no idea what to do with either possibility.

Perhaps the council is right that I am remembering Konoha too fondly.

Sighing heavily, Gaara waved a dismissive hand at the Anbu. “Return to your duties.”

Bear nodded, formed a hand sign, and disappeared in a small puff of smoke.

The problem was that Bear was right. He really shouldn’t be so trusting of Sakura, even if she was supposed to be here to marry him. Even if that had actually been his intention from the beginning. The political landscape was too precarious for him to reasonably hold any expectations of loyalty of her. But try as he might, Gaara could not bring himself to distrust the broken woman. She did not want to be here, and that told him she was not complicit with whatever machinations Danzo had planned.

Beyond her trauma dumping, he had no idea what she’d been through and wasn’t eager to find out. It wasn’t for lack of caring, on his part. No. He cared. Perhaps a little too much, given the circumstances. It was merely a fear of what he would find. She was not the girl he used to know, but he still saw her that way. He wanted to keep the image of the silly girl who could break through any walls or defence with a single punch. The childish girl who had been smarter than his entire medical team and healed his brother of a poison that nobody else even understood.

The alternative was terrifying.

No. He wasn’t going to start presuming she was complicit with Danzo. He would remain on alert on the off chance he was wrong, but Gaara was willing to take a chance with Sakura Haruno. If this was a real marriage engagement, he would want to know everything about her, to be sure. But it wasn’t. All he could do was fend off the vultures, delay things as much as possible, and work harder and faster to settle all the problems facing him and his village. A war was coming, whether Sakura Haruno was to be trusted or not.

If I had more time to get to know her, things would be different.

And how much longer they both had left before this all blew up in their faces, he didn’t know.

.:.

[jeanmoreaux]

on that post about music and your tag about most of it being tiktok appeal bites 🥶 💯

by default, i frown heavily at 2-minute songs (esp when its the majority of the length of songs on an album) like what the actual frick

as someone who is barely holding on, music has been one of like maybe 3 things i can think of that still makes me feel alive

i feel it's such a disgrace to have something called a 'song' when it's more appropriate to describe it as an interlude (1-min length) or short glimpses of a song (2-min trademark length that's so on trend now)

yes, i'm bitter and blue. but this makes me truly appreciate good music more than ever now

ーand when i say 'good music' i don't mean a specific genre because music is very personal and subjective to whoever enjoys it. what i do mean is when i feel the artist is making it themselves with a part of themselves and it means something to them and it means something to me for whatever reason

this is a super late reply, i’m so sorry!! life has been a little busy lately :/ but yeah, the tiktokification of pop music paired with the stream-appeal many artists go for nowadays (short songs so that people might put them on loop) is really something that is turning me off a lot of popular music (don’t get me wrong there are people i listen to that fall in this category but the categoryas a whole is very meh to me rn). i have always been a mainstream pop girlie, but lately i have been listening to so much more indie (pop) and alternative (including folky stuff) than whatever stuff they currently play on the radio. it doesn’t really appeal to me??? they’re fine to listen to but i’d never seek them out because they do Nothing for me. and i feel like that used to be different. maybe my taste changed idk. also not to be very lame but capitalism really will suck the lifeblood out of everything—including art.

[cor-ardens-archive]

sorry, it was late at night when i sent that ask and i'm only just now realizing i should've been more specific 😭 anyways, i was meaning abusive/toxic relationships of the romantic or domestic variety? incestuous relationships or undertones can be thrown in, i've been exploring darker themes in media and i'm not really sure where to look for the right stuff. i'm really into films if that helps narrow down some picks! and i was meaning dynamics that are actually abusive, but i'd also love to have some recommendations for a couple that is bad for each other or just weirdly codependent

You're fine, don't worry!

To be honest, I'm still unsure how to answer this. I guess I'm bad at coming up with titles off the top of my head, and domestic/intimate partner abuse is not necessarily something I look for and catalogue the way I do with some other themes/subjects.

These are the titles that came to mind immediately: Martha (1974), The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover (1989), Rosemary's Baby (1968), Gaslight (1944), Diabolique (1955), Secret Beyond the Door (1947), The Piano Teacher (2001), The Favourite (2018), The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972), The Invisible Man (2020), Phantom Thread (2017), Blue Velvet (1986), The Piano (1993), The Night Porter (1974), Cecelia Condit's Suburbs of Eden, Beneath the Skin and Possibly in Michigan.

I invite anyone who might have other recs to post them here :)

[rachymarie]

*A thought spurred on by previous post:

And it only took me picking up drawing again and doing three attempts at a realistic drawing of my body to feel confident about my artistic abilities again. I guess I was so scared I wouldn't still "have it" but talent never goes away and if you aren't naturally talented (sorry to toot my own horn (I need some positive encouragement even if it's from myself, not many people really actually encourage me outside of friends and family and even then my own bff didn't even respond when I sent her my drawing WIP recently - like, actual conversation-stopper and radio silence for three days even after I confronted her about it - so I really do need to be my own biggest fan and keep going despite the crickets and tumbleweed reception I tend to receive. Just like I've always done. People only value working yourself into burnout these days rather than cultivating skills and passions) but honestly despite all my endless struggles in life and personal/social deficiencies, art and creativity is like one of the few departments I was actually lucky in, and I'm one of those "annoying" gifted artists who it kinda comes naturally to. My actual final art style and composition etc is subjective to the viewer of course, but what I mean is I seem to pick up most techniques naturally, even though for starters I had to teach myself how to hold a pencil because the right-handed teachers didn't know how to teach lefties so just ignored me like "idk figure it out 🤷‍♀️" 💀 I've basically been having to teach myself nearly everything I've learnt my whole life especially with the learning disability of undiagnosed autism growing up in the 2000s (a hugely ableist and problematic time in far too recent memory - there wasn't even any pushback against the use of autistic as a slur/insult, and being undiagnosed or "late-diagnosed" wasn't really a thing yet - instead you were just a weirdo not to be interacted with except to abuse, for fear of being tainted oneself with the Weird brush. Literally, I had no defence other than my twin sister who could have been a millionaire by now if she got a dollar for every peer that felt the need to come to her and tell her "your sister is weird". Times were brutal so please respect your elders the Millennials lol we went through a lot so that you or your children won't have to 🫂) with literally no support or acknowledgement for or ways to deal with it

That said, i still have suffered from artists' block and even destroying my art, vowing to never make art again due to delusions etc)

The *Tall poppy syndrome phenomenon is a very real problem here in New Zealand (even Google suggestions knows it) and in Australia. While not being the picture of success I am "gifted" I have experienced it a lot and it sucks. And have succeeded in being my own person to the bitter end(well, the present, nothing's ending yet for anlong time I hope), unapologetically me in a society of people trying their hardest to be perfect clones playing the part. I am a bit of a radical rebel like that and refuse to undermine myself to be anything but myself and it's amazing just how much people have just absolutely loathed it lol. Such is the life of many an artist I guess 🤷‍♀️ like, I'm sorry I'm good at a lot of things that mainstream society doesn't seem to consider worth anything cos I'm too disabled to work (only disabled enough to spontaneously ramble into the void for hours in a display of extreme disorganization (I started writing these posts at midday and didn't stop and now it's 1pm))

Like it sucks that the country collectively decided not to support people's achievements and instead be horrible to people for daring to be good at something.

A similar/the same notion is crab mentality/crabs in a bucket which is apparently a phrase popular among Filipinos and basically boils down to the thinking “if I can't have it, neither can you.”**

I think a lot of it stems from ignorance. It all results in people not being allowed to be proud of themselves or their family members for even the smallest of personal achievements. But I say be proud brave soul. Keep doing you cos the world needs more of it.

*"Tall poppy syndrome describes a cultural trait where successful individuals are resented, undermined or attacked to bring them back down. Crabs in buckets is a phrase that describes individuals undermining others who try to succeed. These negative cultural traits undermine performance and engagement."

**"Crab Mentality is derived from a pattern of behaviour observed in crabs when trapped in a bucket. Any time a crab attempts to escape, the other crabs will immediately pull it back down to their misery and the group's collective demise."

* Quora.com lol yes I'm quoting Quora deal with I'm tiredI did my best

** Chriamillas.com

Idk like my posts or send a message or something if you appreciate the rambling/resonate at all lol cos despite my radical self-love/acceptance sometimes I feel like the most annoying girl on Tumblr that everyone's vagueblogging/complaining about in the same tags I use (I have actually come across people talking about me I think but like who really knows what's just paranoia/anxiety or just that maybe people really are just mean) or bullying me on TikTok. I guess that's the perks of the internet tho huh. And I can't seem to access community mental health support these days apparently so I blog instead. Make the mental health system make sense please somebody people be out here begging for help only to be left until they reach crisis point (Ambulance at the Bottom of the Hill is a whole other post in itself, so let's not get into that and move onto getting this nap underway before the day advances any more)

[calacuspr]

Calacus Monthly Hit & Miss –Vinicius Jnr & Javier Tebas

Every month we look at the best and worst communicators in the sports world from the last few weeks.

VINICIUS JNR & JAVIER TEBAS

Racism in football has existed for a long time.

The days of the National Front having a presence outside grounds and bananas thrown on the pitch may be behind us, but the experiences of England forward Raheem Sterling, for instance, suggest it still exists in pockets.

Twenty years ago, England players were subjected to racist abuse at the Santiago Bernabeu stadium, prompting then-Prime Minister Tony Blair to intervene which was met with hollow statements of concern from Spain which have clearly had little effect.

The likes of Dani Alves, Marcelo, and Samuel Eto’o have all fallen victim to racist abuse in Spain in the past few years, underlining the societal ignorance and endemic problem professional players face in La Liga.

But the latest incident involving Real Madrid’s Brazilian star forward Vinicius Junior has highlighted the impotence and ignorance of the football authorities as well.

Just in the past year, Vinicius was racially abused a number of times, including Real's bitter rivals Atletico Madrid singing racist songs in September 2022; abuse at Real Valladolid LINK while he walked past fans after being substituted; an effigy of the Real Madrid winger was hung from a bridge near the club's training ground before a game against Atletico Madrid in the Copa del Rey; and Mallorca fans were filmed allegedly racially abusing the Brazilian during a game against Real.

Late in May, hundreds of Valencia ‘fans’ sung "Vinicius is a monkey" as the Real Madrid bus arrived at the stadium before the match.

In a heated game, Vinicius was then sent off after calling out some of the ‘fans’ who were abusing him and clashing with Valencia players in an incident which felt like a watershed moment for football in Spain.

Madrid coach Carlo Ancelotti was keen to use his post-match press conference to speak about the treatment his striker endured.

He said: “La Liga has a problem" with racism. I don't want to talk about football. I want to talk about what happened here. It's more important than a defeat.

“What happened here today shouldn't happen. ... There's something bad happening in this league. For me, with these racist incidents, they have to stop the game. I told [the referee] that he should stop the game.

"[Vinicius] is very sad. It's sadness, not anger. The reaction [which saw Vinicius sent off] is quite normal. There are no buts. A stadium made racist insults. Let's see what happens. I'm curious to see. ... Nothing will happen. Usually, nothing happens.”

Who could blame Vinicius for speaking out after the match, using his platform to demand change and highlight the problem.

He tweeted: “It wasn't the first time, nor the second, nor the third. Racism is normal in La Liga. The competition thinks it's normal, the Federation does too and the opponents encourage it. I'm so sorry.

“The championship that once belonged to Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Cristiano and Messi today belongs to racists. A beautiful nation, which welcomed me and which I love, but which agreed to export the image of a racist country to the world. I'm sorry for the Spaniards who don't agree, but today, in Brazil, Spain is known as a country of racists. And unfortunately, for everything that happens each week, I have no defense. I agree. But I am strong and I will go to the end against racists. Even if far from here.”

He added: “Every round away from home is an unpleasant surprise. And there were many this season. Death wishes, hanged doll, many criminal screams... All registered. But the speech always falls on ‘isolated cases’, ‘a fan’.

“No, these are not isolated cases. They are continuous episodes spread across several cities in Spain (and even in a television program). The evidence is there in the video.

“Now I ask: how many of these racists had names and photos exposed on websites? I answer to make it easier: zero. None to tell a sad story or make those fake public apologies. What is missing to criminalize these people? And punish clubs sportingly?

“Why don't sponsors charge La Liga? Don't televisions bother to broadcast this barbarity every weekend? The problem is very serious and communications no longer work. Not blaming me to justify criminal acts either. You are not football, you are inhuman.”

The statement gave La Liga president Javier Tebas a perfect opportunity to stand in solidarity with one of the Spanish league’s finest young players and vow to address the issues facing black players.

When a crisis occurs, it’s usually the reaction rather than the problem itself which sets the tone for how it is viewed.

Tebas, remember, has previous, having criticised Vinicius late in 2022 for his complaints after being subjected to abuse at the Jose Zorrilla stadium in Valladolid as he walked past fans after being substituted.

Instead of being conciliatory, Tebas came out fighting again this time and said: “We have tried to explain to you what LaLiga is and what it can do in cases of racism, but you have not shown up to either of the two agreed dates that you yourself requested. Before criticising and insulting LaLiga, you need to inform yourself properly Vinícius.”

Credit to Vinicius, he saw through the deflection and responded in kind: “Once again, instead of criticising the racists, the president of LaLiga takes to social media to attack me. No matter how much you talk and pretend not to read, it shows your competition in a bad light.

“Look at the responses to your posts and surprise yourself... Ignoring it only makes you the same as the racists. I am not your friend when it comes to racism. I want action and punishment. The hashtag doesn’t do it for me.”

Tebas continued with his denials, adding: ““Neither Spain nor LaLiga is racist. It is very unfair to say that. At LaLiga, we do everything we possibly can to report and tackle racism.

“This season, there have been 9 reports of racist insults (8 of them directed at Vinicius). We always identify the culprits and file a complaint with the disciplinary bodies. It doesn’t matter if they are just a few; we are relentless. 

“We cannot allow the image of a competition that is, above all, a symbol of unity among all people to be tarnished. More than 200 black players at 42 clubs are shown respect and affection from the fans on every matchday, and racism is extremely rare (9 cases) and something that we are going to eradicate.”

Twice the governing body has run ‘La Liga against racism’ but it has had a limited impact and Tebas clearly hasn’t grasped quite how much these incidents have already tarnished La Liga –his denials suggesting that he does not grasp the seriousness of the problem both for players and the Spanish football brand.

Real Madrid made a statement, thanking fans around the world for their support. They said: “Attacks of hatred and racism must be eradicated from our society for good and this is what has been voiced by figures from all walks of life and from different national and international institutions after yesterday's events at the Mestalla stadium.

“The unfortunate events that have occurred have circled the globe and brought shame on our football…and …the image of our football is seriously damaged and marred in the eyes of the whole world.

“The referees, instead of acting with decisiveness and applying the regulatory protocols, have chosen in the majority of the cases to abstain and avoid taking the decisions that corresponded to them.  Yesterday, the referee and those in charge of the VAR evaded their responsibilities and made unfair decisions based on incomplete images, which were not seen completely, which were biased and which resulted in the direct sending off of our player Vinicius Júnior. 

“Unfortunately, what happened yesterday and the handling of it by the referees and the VAR is not perceived as an isolated incident, but as something that has been happening in many of our matches. The victim who experiences the crime can never be held responsible for the offence.

“For all these reasons, we are deeply concerned that no action has been taken by the Spanish Football Federation in this period of time, despite the clear and repeated warning signs that we have been denouncing through our club.

“In view of the seriousness of the current situation and the image that Spanish football is portraying to the world, Real Madrid hopes that there will be immediate and decisive action by all those with responsibility and competence to tackle the evils of racism, xenophobia and hatred. Our club will continue to strive to ensure that the values that have sustained our history continue to serve as a model of coexistence and exemplary behaviour.”

Valencia released a statement after the match which said: “Valencia CF wishes to publicly condemn any type of insult, attack or discrimination in soccer.

"The Club, in its commitment to the values of respect and sport, publicly reaffirms its position against physical and verbal violence in stadiums and regrets the events that occurred during the La Liga Matchday 35 game against Real Madrid.

"Although this is an isolated episode, insults to any player from the rival team have no place in football and do not fit in with the values and identity of Valencia CF. The Club is investigating what happened and will take the most severe measures. In the same way, Valencia CF condemns any offense and also requests the utmost respect for our fans.”

In a statement Puma, which has sponsorship deals with both Valencia and LaLiga, said: “At Puma, we do not tolerate racism, we condemn discrimination in any form and stand in solidarity with Vinicius Junior and the wider football community in condemning events yesterday.”

At a news conference after the weekend’s drama, Spanish FA chief Luis Rubiales acknowledged that Spanish football had a problem, at odds with his La Liga counterpart Tebas.  

“The first thing is to recognise that we have a problem in our country," Rubiales said.

It is "a serious problem that also stains an entire team, an entire fan base, an entire club, an entire country,” adding that Tebas's comments, were "irresponsible behaviour. Probably Vinicius is more right than we think and we all need to do more about racism.”

The incident prompted diplomatic incidents, with its ministry calling in Spain's ambassador to explain the situation.

"Taking into account the seriousness of the facts and the occurrence of yet another inadmissible episode, the Brazilian government deeply regrets that, until now, effective measures have not been taken to prevent and avoid the repetition of these acts of racism," a statement said.

Brazil’s President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva to call on FIFA and LaLiga to act to stop racism taking root in soccer stadiums while deputy Foreign Minister Maria Laura da Rocha said she was amazed by the repeated racist attacks on the player.

"Vinicius Jr received a red card for not enduring all that. The red card should have been given to racism.”

A number of Brazilians then protested outside the Spanish consulate two days later, with Spanish government spokeswoman Isabel Rodriguez saying: "Spain is fighting this behaviour. We condemn it and we are working to eradicate it."

Rio de Janeiro's iconic Christ the Redeemer landmark had its lights switched off "as a symbol of the collective fight against racism and in solidarity with the player and all those who suffer prejudice around the world,” according to the Archdiocesan Sanctuary that manages the monument.

Three people have been arrested and it will be interesting to see if criminal charges are made but clearly more needs to be done to protect not only Vinicius but all the black players who face similar abuse in football in Spain and beyond.

Stricter penalties, education programs and awareness campaigns must be implemented to eliminate racial discrimination from Spanish football and foster a more inclusive and tolerant atmosphere.

The Spanish Football Federation, RFEF, saw sense and rescinded the red card Vinicius had received against Valencia but it’s hardly likely to address his concerns about these repeated racist incidents.

Granted, La Liga did make a statement calling for more sanctioning powers, with current rules making it feel “powerless” while Valencia were sanctioned with a partial ground closure and a small fine.

The size of the problem was illustrated, though, by Valencia’s initial, and somewhat lenient, punishment being cut on appeal from a partial stand closure for five games to three and a significant cut in the already low fine.

In their following match against Real Vallecano, which Vinicius Junior did not feature in due to injury, his team-mates all wore his named #20 shirt while his main sponsor Nike tweeted in solidarity with him.

In the 20th minute of Madrid’s 2-1 win, supporters chanted the 22-year-old's name while players from both clubs joined together holding a sign which read "Racists [get] out of football" and fans held a banner displayed in the stands which read: "We are all Vinicius. Enough is enough.”

Too little, too late given the global uproar, Tebas made a series of grovelling apologies, in stark contrast from his previous defensive approach.

He said: “I think that the message, and the intention I had, was not understood by a significant number [of people], especially in Brazil.

“I did not want to attack Vinícius, but if most people understood it that way, I need to apologise. It was not my intention, I expressed myself badly, at a bad time. But I had no intention of attacking Vinícius, but rather clarifying a situation, because Vinicius had recorded a video supporting La Liga’s actions.

“If I hurt someone, they thought I was racist, it’s far from reality. I feel sorry for what happened, and that’s why we denounced it. And we didn’t just denounce it, we took special actions at his games.

“We spoke to the clubs, so that they could provide more security, identify fans. La Liga takes care of Vinícius. And, if they misunderstood what happened I have to apologise.”

The back-tracking apology appeared as if Tebas was trying to save his own reputation rather than coming from a place of genuine understanding.

The fact that a day later he spoke again, voicing his concern for the long-term reputational damage done to La Liga by the week’s dramas, suggests self interest rather than doing the right thing was front of mind.

Tebas then said that La Liga could reduce racist incidents in six months, which begs the question about why this hadn’t happened already.

A week later, Brazilian clubs Cruzeiro and Vini’s former club Flamengo showed their support by sitting down for the first minute of their match, underlining the impact the continual racism in Spain has had on global sport.

The incident at Valencia should serve as a turning point, motivating La Liga and other stakeholders to do more to fight against racism.

Only through collective action can Spanish football truly be a beacon of diversity, where players of all backgrounds can thrive and feel safe on the pitch.

Until the likes of Tebas grasp the full seriousness of the problem, players will continue to see little progress.

[monstrouslyobsessed]

world leader lion is disgusted that he is attracted to disgusting humans , but this little human made him fall genuinely in love so she they must pay 🔥 —anonymous

tw / tags: gender neutral reader, politics, confinement, dehumanization, abuse, physical abuse+, scarring+, whipping+, injury+, slavery, headcanon, yandere, beastfolks / beastfolk, long post,sfw (beware the mild graphic descriptions behind abuses, there is no smut in this one beyond the implications), unedited + = toward the other human ‘employees’, not the reader featured character(s): the rival / the politician / lion beastfolk —this is part of my beastfolk universe! minors dni. this is not a healthy relationship!

—note: sorry for being vvv late, a beloved family member was having some health issues and i had been dealing with that. def killed my writing for a little while. sighs. when will we have a better year…onto the show!

》lady hyena’s rival for many years, ever since she became the president of the united states of appalachia*. the lion is a brutally frank individual who never believed in any sort of amicable relationship between man and beast.  —sufficient to say, he is as conservative as they comes. —venomously opposes the idea of ever letting any human having even a semblance of freedom. —for what the humans did to them, they deserved to suffer the same fate the beastfolks endured in the past.

*name not final, basically a fictional / alternative version of america. 

》he even balked at the idea of having humans as pets —lets alone as lovers. —in spite of their breeding/perfect genetic compatibilities to ensure near perfect purebred beastfolk child, something that was sorely needed among specific races struggling with their fertility, the lion displayed absolute disgusts at this specific subject. —he would actually have to reel himself in upon seeing and dealing with humans, as human politicians were still somewhat common campaigning for human rights. —to the point that the human lovers (or, “human fuckers” as common term used by the conservatives—and was later reclaimed by the progressives to be worn with pride) were wise not to bring their human mates and the human politicians and any other (ie. interviewers, reporters, etc.) were required to have beastfolk bodyguards on a standby.

》the lion is that intolerable toward the humankind.

》the lion had so much supports for his conservative and separatism ideals that even lady hyena and her vice president, the lioness, would be hard pressed to ignore the lion. —it was rather fortunate that the lion wasn’t named as a member among the world leaders. however, he was still a governor of his province, aiming for higher goals of taking the full reign over the country. if the lady president continues to leave him unchecked, he may claim her title before long. —of course lady hyena and the lioness would amp up their campaigns for human rights, making any win for the lion that much more difficult. they are not foolish to slack, manipulating and swaying public opinions to their sides instead of the lion’s. —the lion would wear a smiling mask, he still had some self control and was rather charming toward those he considered his people, but it was a bit obvious that he was furious with his rivals’ tactics.

》the lion is a tad older, perhaps pushing his 50s, but is healthy and well fit. —he’s considered a handsome catch by many, that many wondered why he never had a mate or children. —something that blotted his reputation a little. he never really gave his backstory in regards of his personal relationships, keeping such things private. —a few theorized that he used to have a family, but had lost them upon being caught by humans and were placed in a zoo. perhaps they were separated. —being separated were fairly common during that era and sadly, so was dying due to being ill kept and underfed in zoos much more poorly run. —whatever the case, the experience turned the lion into a very bitter person and a zealous human hater.

》because of his career, he actually lived a comfortable life—whenever he can afford to relax from his hectic schedule. —aka, he’s rich as fuck and is living in a home too big for him. —outside his home, he’s charismatic toward the beastfolks and in spite of his known public persona, he is even somewhat…neutral toward the humans—well, as neutral as one could get with them looking as if you’re dirt underneath their feet. —inside his home and any private personal space on the other hand… —the lion didn’t believe in hiring the beastfolks as his servants, though he’s rather specific on having one (or several) as his personal chefs and security guards and was adamant that they are not his servants but his employees.  —instead, he had…numerous “pets” he installed in his home as his…“employees”, to to keep his home sparklingly clean. “employees” meaning servants. or, perhaps, slaves. —it did help that he lived in a very isolated area and very few dared to trespass his home with how much security he had patrolling around his properties. —so, the public never learned about him being a hypocrite against his own words about keeping human pets. —not yet, that is, but when is still a long way away. —those who did know, ie the adoption facility, any of his beastfolk employees, etc. are all under NDA and will get sued into oblivion if they split the tea.

》some may think working for him would’ve provided a luxurious paycheck. —…not if you’re a human. —he didn’t need to pay his “human pets” beyond providing the very basics essentials, meaning, they get no pays at all. only foods, some clothes, and a roof over their heads. —the primary issue he faced was, he had to provide a livable environment for them. something he solved by making them to live in his cold cellar. —it’s worse during the winters and he tends to provide only one or two space heaters enough to keep his ‘employees’ alive and little else. it’s blessedly livable when it’s summer though. —he tends to take the ones that looked the most ‘healthy’ and strong enough to handle most labors, looking at humans as if they’re objects to be apprised.

》you’re the newest addition to his roster. —like every other human ‘employee’, he never gave you a second look the moment he decided you looked strong enough. —the ink on your adoption paper barely dried when he assigned you chores in his home, already expecting you to work your hardest. —you hated it here, but there are little else you could do. at least you can move around and stretches your legs and arms outside that cubby-like room in the facility. —it was better than laying around restlessly, waiting for your daily walk, and you were tired of listening to uninspired dialogues from your neighbors and…’whining’ from the caretakers’…’favorites’. —at least here, you can be productive and listen to new things. —unfortunately, things falls into the same mindless routine you suffered from before, with the physical element added in. —your coworkers barely spoke about anything outside labors.

》…it didn’t take long for you to realize why.

》your new owner was…cruel, to put it bluntly. —whenever someone made a grievous mistake such as breaking something he deemed as priceless, well…they would return bleeding from their back and with gorges in their arms and legs and be left to other more sympathetic humans to tends to. —like a slave, the lion whipped his ‘employees’ as punishments. —it didn’t take much to upset him either, especially on his bad days. —his bad days often consisted of his rivals constantly gaining upper hands on him, losing his votes, being stuck in traffic, nothing’s going his way…the list go on. —and there was nothing anyone can do about it. the security patrolling on the lion’s property doesn’t take the escapees too kindly either and they all had the nose for finding them without fail. —so you kept your head down and stayed obedient. you took care not to mess up and to keep well out of the lion’s way.

》time went on and over a year passed in what felt like a blink of an eye. —you were fortunate that your owner never once landed his claws on you. —a shining example of how your carefulness kept you safe from his wrath. —it didn’t last forever though.

》“hey you there,” you got paralyzed at hearing the lion’s lazy drawl. —you weren’t aware that he had been home earlier than usual and was occupying the room you were set to clean. no one warns you and left you at the mercy of the tyrannical bastard. —“i don’t remember you. when did i…adopt,” he twisted his black lips in utter disgust at the word, “you?” —seeing no other way out without inviting his wrath, you obediently answered. —“oh, really. your name, maggot?” his insult pricked your skin but you still answered anyway. —“hm. carry on and make it quick.” he lost interest in you—and you hurried your work to leave his den.

》you thought you lost his interest, but in reality, you aroused his attention. —like a cat he was, he was curious. —and it didn’t help that you smelled like you were in heat*, your scent seductive and spicy. —of course he had a much greater self control than to give in to his instincts. —in fact, he was disgusted with the thought of rutting with you, enough so that he shuddered and scraped his tongue against his sharp teeth from the taste of your human stench. —but he learned something new—that like beastfolks, humans does have heat cycles. —that, was new to him.

*both afab and amab humans do go through heat cycles in their universe, though amab have it much rarer (average is once, twice a year) while afab typically has it during their ovulation (at least 6 times a year, if not with child/ren). reasons behind amab’s being in heat, are not yet fully explained, though it is assumed it is the direct result of their evolution growing up alongside the beastfolks. human amab’s more effective on afab beastfolks, though amab beastfolks are not immune. human heats doesn’t seem to have as much impact on other humans however.

》of course he ignored the fact that he realized he knew so little about humankind than he thought he had. —he didn’t care. humans are garbage to him. —yet he found his eyes wandering to you whenever the rare sight of you emerged in his vision. —observing you. —well after your heat had ended, seemingly without you ever being aware of it.

》from analyzing your healthy body, curves, unique traits that set you apart from all other faceless humans, to your every little quirk you had. every little habit, were oddly endearing him. —he didn’t realize he had been observing you the entire time until he watched you through the window from his upper floor office and snarled when you had a friendly interaction with another human. laughing at something they said. —how dare you to speak to others!? —that was when he realized he was fixated on you. a maggot. a human.

》this won’t do at all. —perhaps he can punish you and keep you inside his personal room(s), after all. leave his marks on your pretty back. —maybe by the time he is done with you, he can kill this disgusting part from himself and move on, throwing you away like trash you are meant to be. —he slammed a screeching halt on his sudden about of illogicality and ripped himself away from the sight of you, forcing himself to work on paperworks. —the lion refused to think about you for several more months. 》unfortunately, that delicious scent of yours returned. —the lion found himself fixating on you again.

—end

[anemo-writes]

hello travelers! again, thank you for putting up with my inactivity, it’s been hard to write lately haha. anyways, i thought this would be something fun to post and for everyone to enjoy, whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or not :) (note: this will probably be more fanon than canon so please bear with me, i’ll make it as canon as it can be :’) i also kept this pretty short, so hopefully that’s okay too,, and sorry for this being late haha—i wrote this very late at night so don’t mind any typos you find please)

much love,

~ anemo-chan <3

(The Playable) Genshin Impact Characters on Valentine’s Day (Romantically)

super romantic; gifts you a bouquet of flowers and takes you out to eat at a fancy restaurant/cooks for you.

Diluc

He is nervous. He’s never paid close attention to the countless amount of people who have lined outside the tavern to ask him to be their Valentine, only to be rejected. There was absolutely no way that he would turn to Kaeya for advice, so unfortunately this was something he would have to figure out for himself. He figures that it wouldn’t hurt to go traditional, so that’s what he does; he buys a large bouquet of roses (which he had to get from Donna, seeing that at the hours that he ended work were very late and Flora’s shop was not open at the time—yeah, that was not fun) and presents himself outside your doorway, to which he invites you to join him for a late dinner—which he makes!

Lisa

She leaves a letter on top of your nightstand, paired along with a singular rose. The letter states for you to meet her outside of Good Hunter, where you find her sitting at a table with a candle dimly-lighting up the surroundings. She greets you with a warm smile, gesturing for you to sit down—the two of you enjoy a candle-lit dinner as well as bolognese she specially requested for Sara to make for the two of you to enjoy together why does this remind me so much of Lady and the Tramp,,

Tartaglia

Oh boy. It’s always a fun time spending a holiday with him, seeing that it could go two ways; one, he would be too busy to celebrate it with you on the day of, and he would take you out the day after, or two—have a store’s entire line of merchandise presented to you outside your doorstep, in which a very, very smiley Tartaglia hidden within the pile (after all, he was the best present!) After you’re done moving all of the gifts into your house (it took up the space of your entire living room), he tells you to cover your eyes and follow him. He takes you to one of the most well-known restaurants in Liyue (which currently doesn’t have a name because it is very late here!), and insists that you order whatever you want, and however much you want.

Zhongli

Over the years, he’s witnessed many, many couples celebrate this holiday and every year he’s wished to do the same. He finds the perfect opportunity to do so when Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and boy does he plan it out for the two of you. He’s even made sure to have his wallet on him at all times—it would be extremely rude for you to have to pay if he happened to forget his wallet. He makes sure to stop by to pick up a bouquet of flowers, as well as a bottle of perfume (not in a bad way, just to clarify) from Ying’er’s shop that he recalled you liked. He makes sure to pick you up early from your work place to make sure you made it to your appointment on time; after all, being late to an appointment was similar to breaking a contract, no?

surprises you with homemade sweets.

Fischl

Oh, she is so nervous—of course, she doesn’t show this. The entire week, she spent researching recipes to create a special batch of chocolate-dipped strawberries just for you—she even sent Oz to the nearby farms to “borrow” the freshest strawberries for the treat (the farmers were too scared to confront the talking bird who “borrowed” their strawberries, so luckily they got away with it). She dips them in a purple-colored chocolate (because what other color would she use, really?) and drizzles on a dark-chocolate syrup to top it off. She’s too shy to actually give it to you herself though, so she has Oz drop it off for her.

Ganyu

Even though she’s quite busy, she’s somehow found time to whip up a special batch of chocolate just for you! She shapes them into Glaze Lilies (which she found quite hard, which is why there are so few of them) and presents them to you in a neatly-sealed box. She’s quite modest when your eyes widen and tell her it’s the best chocolate you have ever eaten, claiming that she only followed a recipe, when she really made it from scratch.

Keqing

Like Ganyu, you have no idea how she finds time to create a perfect array of chocolates, which she made herself! However, with her tightly-packed schedule, she has to drop it off at your house in advance, to which you accept happily. She tried to decorate them with designs of cartoon-versions of your faces, but they’re a bit...messy. Nonetheless, they’re tasty, and to her relief, you enjoy them.

Mona

Somehow, she’s managed to scrape up enough mora to buy you a necklace; yes, a necklace, and a real one at that—none of that fake, costume jewelry stuff! She even added a pendant shaped like star, just so you could be reminded of her whenever you fiddled with it or even glanced at it. She’s quite flustered when she gives it to you, ignoring the way you ask how she managed to save this much mora to be able to buy something like this, changing the subject on how you should never-ever take it off (because it looks great on you.)

Noelle

One word: pancakes. (Have you seen the ones she makes for her special dishes? They’re frigging amazing) As a dutiful maid should, she wakes up especially early to prepare a homemade breakfast just for you, to which she serves to you just as your wake up in bed. The fluffy stack of pancakes are decorated with fruits cut up in heart-shapes, as well the words, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Y/N”, written neatly with chocolate syrup—it’s quite a sight to see, to be honest, and utterly delicious. Lucky you!

Xiangling

The day before, she tells you to meet her at the restaurant around noon. When you arrive, the restaurant is adorned with Valentine decorations, as well as a terrifying amount of food; she insists that she only made it for you, so you better eat up! Before she can show you the other dishes, the restaurant is suddenly filled with a strong, bitter smell—something burning. With a yelp, she runs into the kitchen, coming out a few minutes later with a tray of half-scorched cupcakes, their Gouba-shapes adorned with...a lot of burn marks. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts, doesn’t it?

buys/makes a present for you.

Albedo

Without your knowledge, Albedo has been creating a collection of artworks throughout all the time you had spent together. The pieces include portraits of you, portraits of you and him (sucrose helped with this), as well as just random sketches of the little things that remind him of you, such as the bare, snowy-white terrain where the two of you first met, as well as its flora and fauna. If you request it, he’ll even make the painting come alive (literally), and the two of you run to Sucrose’s dwelling, who is very shocked to see the pair of you running from a Frosted Lawachurl when she peered out her window to see if she could pinpoint the sounds of distant screaming.

Amber

Is there anything better than a matching set of wind gliders? Not only that—they were homemade! She spent the last couple of weeks putting together a pair of gliders for the two of you, customizing them to your tastes (which she nailed!) She quite literally drags you to the nearest hill to test them out, and the two of you end up challenging each other on who can get back to the Knights of Farvonius Headquarters the fastest—spoiler alert: she did.

Barbara

Oh, she would make the cutest card for you—the envelope is decorated with cute stickers (some of them even had her face on it; there’s nothing like promoting merchandise, am i right? jkjks) She also pairs it off with a box of chocolates that she bought from Sara—however, what she didn’t know was that in the box was a special-edition spicy chocolate truffle. With your luck, that was the first one you chose—and boy, were you met a surprise (it was so bad that you were begging Barbara to use her Vision on you, which she refused of course). Fun times.

Chongyun

He’s real sweet. After his expeditions and commissions, he opens the freezer (yes he keeps them in there, don’t judge him) to an array of ice sculptures, shapes varying from flowers, hearts, and such—although it’s quite the simple gift, he’s put a lot of effort into them, even putting in the extra effort to cast a spell to make sure they would not melt; it’s all worth though, when he sees the absolutely giddy expression on your face, and the look of pure awe as you pick one up and study it closely, admiring all of the details and work that’s he put in.

Ningguang

She sends out informants to find out what you like, whether it be something that your gaze settled on for too long or something you’ve mentioned while talking to her—on the day of, you open your door to a mountain of gifts, with Ningguang herself peering out from behind it with a calm smile and a wave (which was the opposite of your reaction, because who has that much mora to purchase all of these gifts?!?)

Razor

He doesn’t have a clue on what the holiday until Lisa asks him if he’s planned something for the two of you during one of his lessons. When he shakes his head no, Lisa suggests that he make you something, to which he sets out on an adventure to do, looking for flowers and flower stems to weave into a pair of matching bracelets—they’re not the prettiest, but he is pretty proud of it; after all, it was his first time making something like that. He’s quite nervous to present it to you, afraid that you might not like it, but all feelings of worry melt away when you slide it on with a huge smile on your face, insisting that he wears his too.

Sucrose

At first, she considers gifting you a present that she created herself; of course, with her work being alchemy, she isn’t sure if that would be the safest option, despite being talented herself. And so, she resorts to buying a present for you—she is very picky with the present though, insisting that it should be perfect since she could not make one herself. She even consults Albedo when selecting some of the presents (he doesn’t help her unfortunately; he believes that she should figure it out herself haha). Like Razor, she’s quite nervous to give it to you, but lets out a huge sigh of relief as you thank her happily for the gift, wiping a bead of sweat from across her forehead (sucrose bby anything you give us would be perfect,,)

whisks you away somewhere sentimental, where the two of you can enjoy a special date.

Beidou

It’s ungodly early in the morning when Beidou presents herself in front of your doorstep, announcing that you’ll be joining her and the crew on a special ride. She tugs you along beside her until you reach the harbor, where you are met with the sight of her ship adorned with streamers and banners, varying between shades of pink and red. Onboard, there is a table filled with goodies the crew collected and made, and boy do they look delicious. The group sets out to sea, and you take your place next to the captain, who even lets you steer the boat (momentarily, at least.)

Bennett

He takes you to meet his dads; yes, yes—he knows that it’s not the most romantic thing to do on a day dedicated to lovers, but he figures it’s just as important. Besides, they’ve been asking about you for quite a while—they even set up a small party within the Adventurer’s Guild, with the help of Bennett, of course. You spend the day listening to their old adventuring stories, as well as bits from Bennett’s childhood (poor boy is flustered from all the information his dads are spilling, but he’s still happy either way; after all, he’s with the most important people to him.)

Kaeya

He quite literally kidnaps you; one second you’re walking in the streets of Mondstadt on your way to work when suddenly someone grabs you by the waist and pulls you into an alley way (that sounds so creepy but i swear he means it in a good way). He only chuckles and shields himself with his arms as you punch him lightly, retorting that he scared you. He doesn’t care that the two of you have an overwhelming amount of work to do—after all, Valentine’s Day only comes once a year, right? Surprisingly, he doesn’t take you the tavern, but instead...Dawn Winery! Diluc received quite the surprise when he is met with the two of you standing outside his gates, with Kaeya requesting a wine/grape juice taste-testing. Yeah...you guys didn’t get any of that, but you did manage to snag a couple of grapes on your way out! Good for you!

Venti

You wake up in your bed, opening your eyes to see a very-smiley Venti laying beside you, chin propped up against his hand as he watches you yawn sleepily as you force yourself out of bed. You’re then presented with a handpicked-bouquet of Ceceilias, the freshest of the bunch, if he may add. You barely have time to thank him before he hoists you up in his arms and out of your dwelling, gliding over the city of Mondstadt as he whisks you away to Starsnatch Cliff, where he’s prepared a special performance just for you (and no, you don’t need to pay.)

Xingqiu

While he’s not the most romantic, he does have a clue on what people look for on Valentine’s Day; after all, that’s what cheesy-romance novels were for, right? Unbeknownst to you, he takes you on a date very similar to the one the main characters in his favorite novels partook in—and you don’t find out until you catch him peeking into the pages while you weren’t (you were) looking. Again, it’s the thought that counts—

doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Jean

Sadly, she probably forgets about the holiday. She’s too busy holed-up in her office to notice the couples gathered up in the courtyard, sharing moments with their lover. It’s not until she walks out to take a breather that she notices the commotion—she immediately calls you over, apologizing frantically. Of course, to this you respond that’s it’s okay, but that you would much rather her take the rest of the day off to spend time together, to which she reluctantly agrees.

Xiao

“I do not have time to celebrate silly human traditions like that.” He would say as you bound up to him, exclaiming that it’s Valentine’s Day, the day where you can give sweets to your loved ones, and asking if he had someone special in mind to spend it with. He’s irked when your gaze falters and the grip on the object you’re hiding behind your back tightens—he only grows more irked as you mutter to yourself how you’ll give the chocolates you made to someone else. He scoffs loudly, avoiding your gaze as he lays out his hand in front of you to accept the chocolates (just because he doesn’t celebrate the holiday doesn’t mean he can’t get jealous!)

[asset35-maya]

.When the party’s over.

>REINITIALISING…

>ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE

>WIRELESS CHARGING: 69%

>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: STABLE

>24H FILE RECOVERY: 45%

Nines slowly regained consciousness. He was lying on his side and everything around him was quiet.

>ENVIRONMENTAL SCAN IN PROGRESS…

>THREAT ANALYSIS IN PROGRESS…

Layers of fabric covered his body and something soft and warm was pressed against his face. Eyes still shut, he nudged it gently with his nose and it emitted a low vibration.

>2% THREAT DETECTED: FELINE SUBJECT

The cat sprang upwards and hopped off the surface that Nines was lying on. It was ostensibly a bed, but Nines didn’t own any furniture apart from a couch and work table. The logical conclusion was that he was not in his own apartment.

>RUN LOCALISATION PROGRAM: Y/N?

>Y

>ERROR: PROGRAM FAILED TO EXECUTE

>ERROR: MEMORY FILE CORRUPTION

Nines had no absolutely recollection of his whereabouts or how he had arrived. He had not been compromised as his system health was stable, so there was probably another reason for being completely disoriented. It was voluntary.

He had gotten the android equivalent of blackout drunk.

It was not the first time and he feared it would not be the last. Such were the hard-partying ways of his friends and colleagues. They were all terrible influences. He loved them dearly, but they were terrible.

At 6PM every Friday, Chen and Miller would start things off rather innocently. “Hey there’s a new brewery downtown.” Or “My bartender cousin just hooked us up with a thirty percent discount!”

From there it wouldn’t take long for the DPD’s resident frat boys Connor and Gavin to gather a steady crowd of officers and check out the venue. If the vibes were good (which they almost always were), Sixty would get wind of things. Then the rest of the frat house would descend and total chaos would reign until the break of dawn.

SWAT Unit 32 was famous for its particularly destructive brand of revelry. Skinny dipping in private swimming pools, scaling skyscraper rooftops and causing media scandals were all par for the course. The day after Captain Allen’s birthday, the DPD crew spent the entirety of their bonuses to repair the collapsed ceiling of the Eden Club.

Nines couldn’t remember how he exactly he was coopted into the madness. Probably peer pressure. Connor insisted that he try thirium alcohol. Sixty said that he would regret being a loser and not joining them. Gavin had just held out a hand and double-winked. That did the trick.

One night blended into another and soon Nines had worked up quite a reputation of his own. He was the Casanova of the homicide department. The handsome devil… the hunter… the sex god. People would actually come by his desk and congratulate him on Monday morning.

Nines hated it but he couldn’t stop himself from doing the same thing over and over. Perhaps it was the appreciative clap on the shoulder from Gavin the morning after Sixty posted photos of a high-end Traci model giving Nines his very first lap dance.

Life at the DPD was the epitome of work hard, play hard. It seemed like one big party but deep down Nines knew they were all just slaves to their compulsions. He wondered whether it was because they needed to celebrate every demon they vanquished or whether they needed to wipe the troubling memories of doing so.

In Nines case, there were definitely things he needed to kill within himself. Some were nightmare inducing crime scenes, but some were memories so heart-wrenchingly sweet that he thought he might self-destruct if he were to dwell on them too long. There were things he couldn’t have and things he needed to erase from his brain.

Something touched his face gently.

>PERIPHERAL OBJECT DETECTED: HUMAN HAND

>THREAT ANALYSIS: NON-COMBATIVE

The hair on his forehead was brushed aside and fingers ran over his features. A thumb swept over his bottom lip and caressed his cheek.

Nines couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes and come face to face with his most recent conquest. He lay still, frozen with regret as the hand continued to stroke his face.

The hand travelled down his neck and fell upon his chest. Nines caught it abruptly. It wasn’t even the month-end and his savings were badly depleted. He couldn’t afford round two. He retracted the synth skin down to his wrist and prepared the electronic payment credentials.

Fingers merely intertwined with his.

“Just take your money and go. I’ll tip extra if you delete everything from your hard drive.”

“What the phck are you talking about?”

Nines eyes flew open. Steel blue met storm green.

>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP OVERLOAD

“Fuck!”

“Wow that’s flattering.”

Nines pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes in a vain attempt to remember what had led to this absolute, unmitigated disaster.

“What the hell happened last night?”

Gavin looked affronted.

“You ruined our housewarming for one.”

>MEMORY ARCHIVE SEARCH: housewarming, Gavin

>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “G.REED” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:33 18 JULY 2040: Assholes. Party at our new place. Next Friday. From seven till LATE. Bring booze, bring bitches. Nah. Actually, don’t. Our landlord’s a bastard and we already got three noise complaints.

>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “CONMAN” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:34 18 JULY 2040: Yeah we should keep this one PG. Bring food if you wanna eat. This mf can’t cook and I don’t care to. See y’all!!

Oh right. Fuck. Gavin’s housewarming. Gavin and Connor’s housewarming. His two closest friends who were somehow even closer to one another. Nines hadn’t realised until it was far too late and there was nothing for him to do but smother the bitterness with his favourite coping mechanisms: android alcohol and paid sex.

The circumstances definitely explained the state he was in, but things still didn’t add up.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Did we… did we…”

“No. Nothing happened between us. You were completely shitfaced. I just put you to bed to stop you from embarrassing yourself.”

Nines looked up at the ceiling, struggling to put the pieces together. His system offered him no useful prompts. The fermented thirium had done its job of code corruption extremely well. He looked back down and met the green eyes focused on him with deep concern.

“What did I do?”

“Sixty has videos, but I don’t think you want to see them. God, Nines… why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I’m really sorry, Gavin. I didn’t mean to ruin your night… and Connor’s.”

“He’s fine. He and Sixty moved the crew to Hank’s place. Which is what we should have done in the first place… there’s really no point throwing a party in this shoebox and telling people like Tina Chen to be quiet. Honestly if it wasn’t you it would have been her bringing the house down. Good thing they had all of Michigan Drive to tear up. Hank’s neighbours can sleep though a bombing.”

“What did I do?”

Gavin put his hand back on Nines’ face, his expression unintelligible. The human touched him often enough, but never like this. Never so intimately. Nines forced down the twisting sensation in his torso. He couldn’t get his hopes up. This was pity.

Nines braced himself to hear the worst. He prepared for the shredding of all his dignity and the collapse of his falsely extroverted and confident identity.

What came though was a soft press of lips to his forehead.

“It wasn’t pretty and I wish it hadn’t happened like that, but I think it was a long time coming… I’ve never seen you so emotional before. I’m sorry I didn’t notice anything all this while.”

“Gavin, please.”

“I’m going to focus on the positives, because really… there were a LOT of negatives. Oh boy. You… uh…”

“Gavin.”

The detective dipped his head and looked away.

“Phck, I shouldn’t be so embarrassed…

You told me you loved me.”

Nines closed his eyes. That was it. He should quit his job and move to another state. Hell, he should go to Cyberlife and request a factory reset on compassionate grounds.

“I’m so sorry. I… I should leave.”

He made to sit up, but was pushed back into the mattress. Gavin curled into his side.

“Nah. You’re good.”

“What?”

“You threw up on my plants and smashed Connor’s RA9 sculpture, buuuut you’re good.”

“I don’t understand.”

Gavin wrapped his arms around Nines and edged closer until the android was forced to turn on his side and reciprocate.

“What do you think, genius? If a guy like me doesn’t throw a guy like you out of the house after all that… what does it mean?”

“That you have a high tolerance for toxic friendships?”

“It means I want you to stick around, dipshit.”

>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP RATE FLUCTUATIONS. OVERLOAD IMMINENT.

“You mean you like me?”

“Of course I do! I always have, but it never seemed right to bring it up. We’re actually really good friends. I didn’t think it would be possible when we first met but we have so much in common.”

“Bad habits for sure.”

“Come on, Nines. We’ve had a really great time together. Some of my best memories at the DPD are with you. Don’t ever quote me on it but you’re a phcking amazing partner. Can’t believe you thought I had something going with Connor when it’s always been you.

So yeah, I do like you. And I’m willing to try… I dunno… being with you. Like for real.

Stop drinking like that, though. I know I’m a hypocrite but you really scared me last night. I lost my Dad and I nearly lost Hank to the bottle. You might be this super advanced android, but that liquid courage shit is a death trap, man.”

>SYSTEM ERROR: THIRIUM PUMP AT MAX FLOW RATE. PUMP OVERLOAD. REDUCE PRESSURE IMMEDIATELY!

Nines nodded quickly and blinked away the tears that welled up in his eyes. Gavin grasped the android’s chin and tipped his face down gently. Their eyes fluttered shut simultaneously and their lips met.

>SYSTEM RECOVERY MESSAGE: THIRIUM PUMP FUNCTIONALITY RESTORED

They broke apart after several golden moments and Gavin hugged Nines tightly under the sheets.

“What am I supposed to say to the others? I don’t think I can look any of them in the eye ever again.”

“Are you serious? You got nothing on the insanity that bunch is capable of. Sixty thinks he’s hot shit with his blackmail material, but I got receipts that’ll glue his mouth shut for decades. Anyway, that’s what friends are meant to be like. You have dirt on each other but you’re not meant to use it.

The same applies to us too, by the way. Don’t feel like you gotta be… apologetic about what happened last night. Yeah, you better replace my fancy new plants but I’ll never judge you for what happened. I want you to know that I’ll always be in your corner, Nines.”

Nines hummed thoughtfully and ran a hand though Gavin’s hair, marvelling at the fact that he could now do so whenever he wanted. He didn’t say anything in response, and just settled for cuddling closer to the human.

>>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: EXCELLENT

[theclawofaraven]

addicted - baekhyun au - part 2

pairing: singer! baekhyun x reader

genre: angst, slow burn, light fluff, slice of life, eventual smut, mutual pining

words: 3.5K

warnings: cursing, angst, making out, light smut, alcohol consumption, multiple one night stands

a/n: since i’ve had this in my computer for a while, i’m gonna post multiple updates today. here’s part 2 and i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! any kind of feedback or suggestion is appreciated!

part 2

B‘s POV

I rummaged through my bag, trying to find a clean T-shirt. After finally finding one, I pulled my dirty one over my head, tossing it to the side.

“Holy shit,” I heard my best friend Kai chuckle from the edge of the hotel bed where he sat.

“What?” I asked, turning around to face him.

He raised his eyebrows amusedly, “Looks like someone did a number on your back man.”

I sighed, shaking my head as I pulled on the shirt in my hand. I recalled the night before, Y/N’s nails digging into my back. Jesus Christ.

“A back scratcher? Don’t let that one go!” he laughed again, “She must have been wild.”

“It’s too late,” I responded, not really wanting to get into it so I quickly changed the subject. “Can we go now? I just want to get smashed tonight.”

“Oh, well, yeah,” he muttered, standing up. “Let’s go.”

This place is absolutely packed. Even if she did show up, I’d probably never even see her. Glancing down at my watch, I saw that it was nearing 11 o’clock already. I knew I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. She wasn’t coming. I was an asshole and I screwed every chance of me ever sleeping with her again. Fuck.

“B?” I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned slightly, seeing Kai.

“Dude, what are you doing moping around, just staring off into the distance? It’s a fucking party man,” he spoke, and I shrugged in response.

“Not feeling it,” I brought the red cup in my hand to my lips.

“I know you’re pissed off about that good lay you got last night, but look around. This place is full of ladies who would hop all over you man. You know that,” he chuckled, slapping my back.

“I know. Thanks man.”

“No problem. Get out there and get yourself laid,” he laughed again, pushing me toward the crowd before disappearing again.

I stood there for a moment, zoning out a bit. Suddenly, I saw a girl coming toward me rather quickly. “Y/N? I thought you’d-“

She cut me off, her lips smashing onto mine, her hands gripping my hair tightly. “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”

“Wha-?” I began to speak, caught off guard.

“Why are you acting all surprised? Weren’t you expecting that I’d show up? You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?” she cut me off again, her voice sounding almost bitter. She’d been drinking and it was pretty obvious by the way she spoke.

“Um, I actually assumed you wouldn’t show up, but here you are.” I replied, “Why are you here if you think I’m such a huge asshole Y/N?”

She inhaled sharply, “I think the reason is pretty obvious.”

A slight smirk formed on my face. “I thought you weren’t interested in that.”

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Look, if you’re just going to be a prick, I’ll go find another guy to fuck around with.”

She began to turn away, but I grabbed her wrist, stopping her. Like hell was I going to let that happen. “Wait, I’m sorry.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You really wanna get laid, don’t you?”

I chuckled, “If it’s with you, most definitely.”

“Wow,” she shook her head. “You’re so smooth.”

“I try,” I responded sarcastically.

Suddenly, she reached over, grabbing my cup out of my hand, finishing off its contents. “Well, come on, then.”

She handed the empty cup back to me, taking my hand before dragging me through the crowds of people.

“Fuck,” I groaned, dragging my hand through my hair. “You really are something, Y/N.”

She stood up, putting on her bra and underwear, not saying a word.

“What are you doing?” I asked her, sitting up.

“What do you think I’m doing?” she responded, picking up her dress off the floor and sliding it on.

“Do you have to leave? I’m leaving Seoul tomorrow, which means I won’t see you anymore.”

“B,” she spoke “I can’t stay. Besides, this was supposed to be a one night thing, and you ended up getting two because I’m oddly attracted to your arrogance.”

I chuckled a bit, standing up and sliding on some boxers before walking over to her. I cupped her face in my hands, looking down at her. “Stay, please?”

She shook her head, “You’ll just make it harder when you leave. I don’t have a lineup of people to sleep with like you do.”

“Okay, I somehow highly doubt that, looking the way you do.” I responded.

A slight blush rose to her cheeks as she looked away, “Stop it. I really don’t.”

She stood on her tiptoes, her lips brushing against mine but she pulled away before I could do anything else. “I’ll be around if you want to hang out the next time you’re in town. Goodbye, B.”

“Right, just don’t forget about me,” I smirked, and she shook her head once again.

With that, she slid on her shoes, walking out the room.

Y/N’s POV

I sat on the couch, idly flipping through channels on the television. After about fifteen minutes, I finally settled on some reruns of a random show that I didn’t really intend on watching anyways. It was more just background noise for the otherwise silent apartment; both Seulgi and Chanyeol had gone out for breakfast, and despite them insisting on me going, I decided to stay back.

I still hated myself for giving into the temptation and going back to B’s hotel room once again. I knew I shouldn’t have done it, especially since Seulgi had warned me about him. She was right when she said it was easy to get fucked up with him. After only knowing the guy for two days, he’d already managed to do so pretty badly. There was something about him that intrigued me, and it wasn’t just the fact that he was a good fuck. Cockiness wasn’t a trait that I usually found attractive, rather it was one that I avoided, but he just pulled it off so well and I hated that I liked it.

I stood up, padding my way into the kitchen to make myself something to eat. I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before, and I was beginning to feel a little sick from only drinking alcohol and not consuming any food. I decided on some chicken noodle soup as it would be the easiest both to make and on the stomach. After the soup was done, I went back into the living room and plopped down on the couch. I was about halfway through eating it when someone knocked on the door. Who the hell would be here when it was barely noon?

Taking my bowl with me, I practically stomped to the door, pissed that someone would make me get up at that point in time. I took a spoonful of my soup before opening the door. I almost choked when I saw who it was.

“B? What are you doing here?” I hissed, “How do you even know where I live?”

I wasn’t even dressed yet, my hair was in a bun on the top of my head and my mouth was full of soup. Nice.

“You’re not even going to invite me in?” he faked being offended.

“No I’m not going to invite you in because you shouldn’t be here at all!” I spoke, exasperated.

“Calm down, okay? Chan and I were supposed to hang out later, and he told me he was going to be here. That’s how I know, relax,” he laughed.

“Well, he’s not here so you’ll have to come back,” I went to close the door but he stopped it with his foot.

“Oh, I know that. Why do you think I’m here right now?”

“No,” I shook my head. “No, no, no. You should not be here B. This isn’t right.”

I was still concerned with what Seulgi had told me about him. After all, I really didn’t know anything about him; I didn’t even know his actual name for God’s sake.

“Come on. Why are you so big on moralities? I’m here for another six hours, and then you never have to see me again, okay?” he managed to move closer to me, cupping my face in his hands and tilting it toward his.

Hearing him say that almost made me sad; the last two nights were fun, despite how fucked up it all was. Getting attention from guys wasn’t something I was new to, but it was strange coming from a guy like him. And I know it wasn’t like casual hookups were abnormal - even for me they weren’t - but doing it with someone like him, a complete stranger and not to mention a supposedly “famous” one, was just not really in my realm of happenings.

I exhaled audibly, moving away from him, “Fine. Come in.”

He smiled a bit, following me into the apartment where I sat down on the couch, my legs folded underneath me. “I’m finishing my soup first, though.”

He shrugged indifferently, taking a seat on the couch beside me. An uncomfortable silence hung around us for the few moments it took me to finish.

“I don’t get it,” I broke the silence as I finished off the last of my late-morning breakfast.

“Don’t get what?” he asked.

“Why you’re so adamant on sticking around me,” I replied.

“Well, I like you and you’re fun to fuck,” he said bluntly, shrugging once again.

“Okay, but even so,” I laughed before returning to a serious tone, “It doesn’t make sense. You could probably pick any girl you wanted and have a different one every single night. Like, I don’t want to boost your already inflated ego, but everything about you is literally perfect. You’re tall, insanely attractive, and just that little bit arrogant that makes girls probably fall all over you. You are the cookie cuter bad boy that every girl fawns over.”

“Cookie cutter bad boy,” B laughed, and I wanted to punch myself because even his laugh was perfect. “I like that. I’m not really that bad, though. I’m just bad at ignoring temptations.”

He paused for a moment, moving closer to me, “And you, Y/N, are extremely tempting right now.”

I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back a laugh, “Is my fucked up hair and pajamas turning you on?”

He shook his head, chuckling as his hands moved to my face, “Most definitely. Can I kiss you now?”

I nodded, and he pressed his lips onto mine.

“You taste like chicken noodle soup,” he chuckled against my lips, and I felt a slight blush rising in my cheeks. So attractive.

“I-“ I began, pulling away.

“It’s all good,” he cut me off, kissing me again, “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

His hands moved from my face to my shirt, pulling it off.

“Not here,” I pushed him away, “The second they come through the door they’ll see us.”

He groaned, picking me up, catching me off guard, “Where to then?”

I tilted my head toward my bedroom door, and he walked over, turning the knob before going in. After he practically threw me onto the bed, he climbed on top of me, easily sliding my shorts off. He then removed my undergarments before leaning down, kissing my neck.

“B,” I breathed, putting my hand on his chest, stopping him. “We don’t have a whole lot of time.”

“Right,” he laughed, pulling off his shirt and kicking off his pants and boxers all at once. Leaning over, he grabbed a condom out of his pocked, tearing the packaging off before putting it on.

“You are so damn sure of yourself, aren’t you?” I asked, shaking my head, “You knew you were getting laid when you were coming over here.”

“Good to be prepared, isn’t it?” he chuckled before moving over me, “Ready?”

I nodded, gripping his hair tightly in my hands as he slid into me.

I almost hated myself for giving in. Despite knowing how wrong this all was, especially since Seulgi seemed so resolute on how she felt about B’s ways, I just couldn’t help myself.

“What are we going to tell them when they come home and see you’re here?” I asked B as we sat on the couch afterwards.

He shrugged. “That I came early to wait for Chan. Why are you so worried about them knowing that we fucked? Am I really that bad?” he joked.

I shook my head, “No, you’re not bad at all. It’s just… Seulgi kind of warned me about you. She knows we slept together the first time.”

He raised a skeptical eyebrow at me, a slight chuckle falling from his lips. “Warned you?”

“I…” I began, unable to formulate a sentence that didn’t sound bad. I probably should have just kept my mouth shut. “She just told me that you were easy to get fucked up with, and I guess she was right. A one night stand, and here we are three times later.”

He laughed again, “Alright. I guess I’ve gotten that sort of reputation. She doesn’t have to know. Don’t worry about it.”

We sat in a sort of awkward silence for a few moments before I spoke, “I have a question for you.”

“Alright, what is it?”

“What the hell is your real name?” I asked.

“Oh man,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Do you really wanna know? I don’t like my name and more so people calling me by my full name.”

“Just tell me please? It’s just a name.”

He sighed. “My real name is Baekhyun. Not very ‘cookie cutter bad boy’, is it?”

I smiled a bit as he averted his gaze from me. “Aw, no. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s sophisticated.”

He rolled his eyes, glancing back up at me. “It’s a lame name.”

“Well, someday you might become lame and then it’ll fit,” I joked.

A single chuckle fell from his lips. “Thanks for the reassurance, Y/N.”

“Oh no problem,” I laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t call you that if you don’t want me to.”

He shrugged. “It’s just weird because no one really calls me by my actual name. My mom does occasionally, but other than that, nah.”

“Ah, alright. I’ll avoid using it then,” I spoke, and before he could respond, the apartment door opened, and Seulgi and Chanyeol walked in.

“Oh, you’re here early,” Chanyeol said upon noticing Baekhyun sitting on the couch.

Baekhyun laughed, standing up, “You said around one, and it’s ten to one now. I got here about five minutes ago.”

Chanyeol nodded, and I noticed Seulgi’s side glance in our direction. I figured she would be suspicious. “Well, you wanna go now?”

“Sure,” Baekhyun spoke, moving over to the door to slide on his shoes.

“Did you guys wanna come?” Chanyeol asked, his hand on the doorknob.

“Nah,” Seulgi replied, “I’ve got stuff I need to do.”

I shook my head as well. There was no way I was going out with the two of them; it’d be too awkward.

“Alright,” Chanyeol shrugged, “Suit yourself, bye.”

“See you Seulgi,” Baekhyun waved at her before turning to me and adding, “Bye, Y/Nickname.”

With that, they were both gone.

Once they left, Seulgi turned to me. “What was that?”

“What was what?” I asked her in an almost defensive tone.

“That!” she reiterated. “You and him hanging out, the nickname. What the hell Y/N..”

“Okay, first of all, we were together for all of five minutes before you guys showed up,” I raised my voice slightly. “And secondly, I don’t know why he called me that. It’s not even a big deal. Relax Seulgi.”

“No, I won’t relax because you’re blatantly lying right to my face!” she exploded. “I specifically told you to stay the fuck away from him, and you just don’t listen! God, Y/N. For a smart girl, you’re acting pretty stupid.”

I exhaled sharply, putting my head in my hands before looking back up at her. “I don’t understand why you’re so concerned with me being around him. He doesn’t seem-“

She cut me off before I could finish my sentence. “Yeah, he’s not really at all what he seems to be, Y/N. Trust me. He doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t care about your feelings. The only thing he cares about is getting you in bed with him. He’s a good enough friend, like don’t get me wrong he’s not a terrible person, but he’s self-centered as hell. He’ll just fuck you over, and I don’t want to see that happen.”

“Seulgi,” I spoke. “That’s literally the point of a hookup. That’s all that this was. A hookup. My feelings aren’t hurt. Relax.”

“Whatever, I’m done talking about this. Just use your fucking brain, that’s all I ask,” she advised me before leaving the room.

I sighed, putting my hands over my face. There would never be a day that I would win with her; never.

Baekhyun’s POV

“So, what’s going on between you and Y/N?” Chanyeol questioned me while there was a lull in the conversation.

“What do you mean?” I glanced at him before taking a bite of my burger.

He raised an eyebrow. “You know what I mean.”

He was right; I knew exactly what he meant.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “We fucked. That’s it.”

There was a break of silence as he looked at me, which made me feel a little uncomfortable.

“Please don’t fuck around with her,” Chanyeol advised me, his tone and expression both extremely serious and borderline scary, “Seulgi’s not impressed, to say the least.”

“Yeah, I know,” I responded. “She doesn’t have to worry. Neither of us were letting on that this was anything more than just sex.”

He laughed, taking a sip of his Coke. “I’m just telling you because if you screw Y/N over, you can bet that Seulgi will be coming for you. To be honest, I couldn’t care less what you guys do, but this is just a fair warning.”

I nodded, “Well, thank you.”

It was silent for a few more moments before Chanyeol spoke again. “You came early so you could fuck her again, didn’t you?”

I smirked a bit, running a hand through my hair. “I can neither confirm nor deny that.”

“Jesus fucking Christ man,” he shook his head, laughing. “You’re hooked on her now.”

He was probably right; every time I slept with her, I found myself wanting her again more and more, which was rare for me. I usually bounced back pretty fast and never spent too much time focused on one girl.

I shrugged indifferently, not saying anything.

“Look,” he began, his pensive demeanor returning. “If you were smart, you’d probably drop this now. Right now it’s just innocent hookups, but someone’s gonna get fucked over in the end. And Seulgi really does not trust you being around Y/N.”

“Rightfully so,” I cut in, chuckling. “I don’t really have the greatest track record, and Y/N is her best friend so it’s kind of her obligation to protect her from assholes like me, right?”

“Hey,” he held up his hands. “I never said you were an asshole, but honestly that’s just Seulgi’s personality type. She’s way too overprotective and sometimes she intervenes when it’s not really necessary. I’ve said my piece, but ultimately it’s up to you guys. You’re adults who can make your own decisions, I’m just saying don’t be destructive about it.”

I nodded, “Point taken. Thanks, Chan.”

“Yeah, so do you want to go back to say goodbye to Y/N?” he asked, grabbing his keys and standing up from the table in the tiny restaurant. “Your flight leaves in like two and a half hours, right?”

“Nah, I don’t think she wants to see me anymore. Besides, I feel like Seulgi probably wants to bite my head off by now,” I chuckled, standing up as well. “I should probably figure out where Kai is at, then head to the airport anyways.”

He laughed. “Yeah, she probably does. Do you want me to drive you?”

“Sure, that would be cool, thanks.” I responded.

We walked outside into the mid-afternoon heat, getting into his car. I hated how I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Detaching from her was the best possible thing I could do; it would definitely prevent me fucking her over in the long run. She was too nice of a girl to get herself caught up with me.

Once I arrived at the airport with Kai, she texted me a short goodbye. She would probably be pissed that I didn’t respond, but she would get over it eventually. This was the best thing that I could do, and she would have to realize that someday.

[thehomothings]

Analysis of Kite's conflicting moralities, relationship with death, and the toll reincarnation may take on one's psyche

So, today I decided to compile all the thoughts I have had about Kite's interesting worldview since the first time I saw him into one post, mostly for my own sake, really. If you're familiar with the few posts I've made, you know it's gonna be a mess, but hopefully a comprehensible mess.

A heads up, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, and very much deal with subjects of death and dying as a whole. Also, some of these conclusions are drawn from my own experiences and close brushes with death, I'm not going to go into much detail but it might get personal and definitely dark. I'm not even sure if I can call this a meta-analysis, and I'm obviously no expert, so mayhaps take all of this with a grain of salt.

Been getting into drawing lately, and during the more simple and mindless part of the painstaking process of dotting every single star in this, I let my thoughts wander through the latest part of the fic I'm writing, and I got a better grasp on what exactly made Kite such an elusive character to me.

I'm not quite sure why I got so attached to Kite. Perhaps it was the air of tragedy surrounding him, how despite his sordid past he remained still open and gentle even if outlined by a healthy dose of cynicism.

But sometimes, I think it's the fact that he is so paradoxical. He's brave, yet fears death to such a degree that creates a whole Nen ability around it, is a pacifist yet will not hesitate to spill blood for his own sake or someone else's. Despite the many ultimatums and warnings of 'I will not protect you', he gave his arm and then his life to save Gon and Killua. He approaches each hunt and battle with a clear plan of action in mind, but his Hatsu takes the form of a roulette that gives him random weapons which are never what he wants, but what he seems to need for that exact situation, which he cannot dispel without using. When he draws a weapon, the decision is locked in and his or his opponent's fate is sealed. That's why each time he dubbs his weapon a bad roll. Every time he has to gamble, he sees himself as having run out of luck. When it comes to having to choose between himself and somebody else...well, there had never been a choice. In fact his aversion to using it may feed into its sheer power that we, unfortunately, saw too little of.

Let's go over his very first appearance when he saves Gon from the mother Foxbear.

It's not hard to see the strain searching for Ging has put on him; he's rash, prone to anger and punching a child for daring to get into trouble. In his mind, he's failing at his most important task, has not yet earned the right to call himself a hunter despite being in possession of his very own hunter license.

After killing the mother Foxbear and raging about having done so, he says this interesting line:

So yes, he finds killing for any reason rather irksome as most would do, yet I think something deeper caused him to absolutely lose it in this scene:

He had not been aware of Gon's identity, and despite being an animal lover and a naturalist, he made a choice to save the human instead of allowing nature to run its course. In fact, he says: 'No beast that harms a human must be allowed to live.'

How does one weight one life against another? How is the worth of it determined? The value of life... an impossible choice he's faced with and a choice which he seems to regret to some degree.

The Foxbear cub.

Here, he's speaking from experience, a tangible loss he has felt himself, and a hard and bitter life he does not want to impose on the cub.

His backstory is exclusive to the 2011 anime adaptation but there are hints alluding to it in the manga, for example, the fact that he does not seem to know his birthplace, or:

The choice of words is chilling.

Reading between the lines, one could draw the conclusion that he is an orphan. Something supporting this hypothesis is how he visibly deflates after Gon tells him his parents have (presumably) died.

So we see he is willing to go against his own moral code of not killing as to not doom another living being to the life he led, a lonely, hopeless existence that could barely be called one. He saw it best to put down the cub rather than leave it to die a painful, slow death.

The reason Kite himself isn't as cynical and cold-hearted as one would be after witnessing cruelty in its rawest form is those small crumbs of human kindness which he may have found in Ging.

It was not only a chance at an honorable life being Ging's apprentice gave him, but it also 'saved' him from being broken and twisted into what he hated and worst of all, death.

If we take that one minute of backstory as canon to his character-which I find myself inclined to do- these quirks of his make much more sense. He lived on the run. He lived on the knife's edge between giving up or pushing forwards. He lived as so a wrong move could be the difference between survival and the end.

Between rock and a hard place creates a mentality of black and white, absolute good or extreme evil, this or that. Except in reality, it's much harder than that. Deciding who to save and who to strike down is a heavy burden to bear.

It's almost easy to see how struggling to keep surviving could lend itself to a crippling fear of death and subsequently developing a Nen ability which once more goes against his own moral code in order to give himself a second chance...yet something about it strikes me as unlikely when I look at it this way.

Living life knowing it could end at any moment has the opposite effect, at least for me it did. One comes to accept that it is fleeting and while not eager to let it go, when death eventually and inevitably does come, there is no fighting it.

Especially when there is no hope that tomorrow will be a better day than this one.

Frequent near-death experiences numb one's fear in a way, even if it drives them to take precautions that render it unlikely to happen again and results in c-PTSD, but still, it does. It sparks a certain nihilistic view of 'if it all can end so easily, then what's the point of it all?'

Unless there are things to live for, a sure promise of a better future, and Ging gave Kite that. When he faced the threat of losing his second chance at life:

Really, what else could lead someone to develop the ability of 'the hell I'm going to die like this'?

I think a separate event, an even more brutal near-death experience that almost cost him his life as the hunter he so strived to be set him off to develop the secret roll of Crazy Slots, what I call Roll No.0, Ars moriendi. Unlike other weapons, it cannot come up in random and is directly summoned by him, or better said, summon by his overwhelming will to keep going and hopelessness of fighting a losing battle. I don't believe roll No.3 was the weapon that allowed him to reincarnate. I've named that one Wand of Fortune, a sort of armor instead of an offensive weapon since I find it hard to believe Kite, a Conjurer, would not focus on defences as well, and I will go into both mechanisms of these weapons hopefully in his backstory.

Despite knowing this battle to be a pointless one and being acutely aware of his soon to be demise, he did not immediately draw Ars moriendi, no, he stayed back and fought for the sake of the boys, kept Neferpitou occupied until they could reach safety. We can see evidence of this in the aftermath of the battle that seemed to have gone on until dawn, a torn apart landscape only signaling a fraction of the devastation that was Kite's power unleashed. It still wasn't enough.

In the anime sub I watched, when Gon apologizes to Ging about Kite's death, Ging said a sentence that infuriated me, because it belittled the utter suffering of the NGL trio.

"He would not die in your place." (No screenshot, sorry)

And I remember practically shouting at the screen, screaming 'how could you possibly say that? Of course he did. He absolutely did die in their place. How could you not know your own apprentice? Why-'

It was only last night that it hit me why Ging would say that.

Once upon a time, maybe Kite would not have given his life for anybody under any circumstances, even if he had a way out of it all. He would still need to die to come back to life.

His Thanatophobia could be attributed to the (possibly untreated) PTSD of the near-death experience in his later life, being so certain of dying that finding himself alive afterwards drove him to never want to go through that again. He quieted his fear by creating a sort of a loophole, that even if he lost the battle he would remain. Ging remembered that, but as evidence shows, something changed. Maybe he healed a bit, perhaps growing up dulled his fear to a certain degree, but eventually when it came down to his life or another's, he didn't choose himself.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but he didn't die, so what are you going on about??' And so I reply: Yes, he is alive, but he did die. He experienced that painful, horrible moment of staring death in the eyes and thinking 'This is it, this is the end', went through the actual process of having his soul removed from his body. And that moment stretches into infinity, ten lifetimes condensed into the mere seconds before oblivion.

Dying isn't so hard if one stays dead.

It's not so easy to open one's eyes and find oneself alive again after that, no matter how much that is the heart's desire. It's difficult, nigh-impossible to reconcile with life and walk amongst the living when everything had been so final, when death had been accepted to its fullest.

So Kite awakens, the twin of Meruem and back from the dead, his mind and identity both intact and fractured. In that he is Kite is no mistaking, yet he is not the same gentle pacifist whose first reaction upon sensing a monster's aura was to shield two kids from it at the cost of his arm.

I don't think many of you are familiar with Zoroastrian ideology, but Togashi is known for loving his religious imagery, and it's not only Christianism he derives inspiration from (evidence of which can be seen all over Kite's character and resurrection).

In Zurvanism-a branch of Zoroastrianism- there is talk of the twin spirits: Ahura Mazda -epitome of all that is good- and Ahriman -epitome of all that is evil-, the parent god Zurvin decides that the firstborn may rule in order to bring "heaven, hell, and everything in between."

Upon becoming aware of this fact, Ahriman forcibly tears through the womb to emerge first. Sounding familiar yet?

Zurvan relents to this turn of events only on one condition: Ahriman is given kingship for 9000 years, and then Ahura Mazda may rule for eternity.

Meruem ruled for 40 days, his death leaving the throne vacant for ant Kite, wearing a dead girl's face and seeming to be brewing some nefarious plan. No more is there any sign of that unrelenting pacifism and the sanctity of life he held so high, losing his own may have only served to show him how meaningless the pain and suffering he went through had been, dying only to be reborn as a member of the species that killed him. It may be that he has no desire to rule over the remaining Chimera ants or create an army of his own-

Yet I dread to think what a broken mind possessing limitless power might do to the world.

And that's it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you found it interesting, stay tuned, as I think a lot and I will make it your problem.

[lxvislxdy]

Shotgun Kisses pt.2 | Bakugou K.

Links: Bakugou x stoner!reader au & Shotgun Kisses (Read these first!!)

Notes: Firstly, I want to thank you all for the positive feedback my work has been receiving! I’m extremely thankful for ya’ll!! I also want to apologize for the delay in my posting; I’ve been traveling this week, and on top of that, dealing with the gas shortage on the east coast (it’s been HELL). But hopefully things will start picking up again soon! As always, my requests are open, so feel free to send in your requests or questions!

Summary: After apologizing to you, Bakugou is still struggling to get over his mistrust of your coworker, Shinsou. When you invite Shinsou to hang with everyone, Bakugou thinks it will be his final straw. That is, until Shinsou makes a move on someone unexpected. And suddenly, everything makes much more sense, and Bakugou looks completely oblivious. 

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Warning(s): 18+!! drug use, language (if you are underage, this fic is not for you!)

Bakugou was trying. 

He really, really was. 

He trusted you, and he hated fighting with you (especially when it was his fault, and he had to apologize), but damnit, that purple haired bastard wasn’t making it easy on him. Still, Bakugou was making an effort, and that meant he was visiting you at work, even though Shinsou was there, too. 

“Hello,” Shinsou drawled, a lazy, but definitely teasing, grin spread across his lips. He was leaned up against the counter, half of his purple hair tied back in a knot at the back of his head. “How can I help you?”

Bakugou narrowed his eyes, taking a deep breath in like Kirishima had taught him. His hands were wound into fists, shoved into his jacket pockets. “Just my regular.”

Shinsou hummed in response, turning to shout over his shoulder, “Y/n! Your loverboy is here!”

Bakugou grit his teeth, willing himself not to snap back at him. Technically, he wasn’t wrong. But he hated the teasing lilt to the other man’s voice. 

As per usual, his anger melted away - mostly - when you popped your head around the corner, from the storage room, smiling brightly. “’Suki!”

As much as Bakugou hated your job, you did look cute in your apron, and he was admittedly fond of the free coffee. 

You bounced over to him, definitely hyped up on too much caffeine, and wrapped your arms around him. “Hi.” You said, looking up at him. 

He squeezed you against him, pulling you in for a kiss, to your surprise. Normally, Bakugou was hesitant when it came to PDA. Of course, the cafe was almost empty, and it wasn’t much of a secret that Bakugou was turning up the heat in front of Shinsou. 

“You want your usual?” You ask sweetly, when he pulls away, dopey grin on your face. 

Shinsou, who had slipped away during the kiss, calls over his shoulder, “Already on it!”

“Try not to spit in it.” Bakugou says, lowly. 

Shinsou lets out a low chuckle, “I’ll try to contain myself.”

Apparently, this banter is friendly enough, because you laugh along with him. 

“You mind if I take my break now, ‘Toshi?”

Bakugou swallows down the burst of jealousy at the nickname, fists tightening in his pocket. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Shinsou tells you, as he sets the coffee down on the counter. “There you go. One coffee, hazelnut cream, no sugar. Extra bitter, just like you.”

Bakugou sneers at him, snatching the coffee from the counter and grabbing your hand to pull you along behind him. The two of you end up in the alleyway behind the shop, sneaking through the ‘employees only’ door. Bakugou sips the coffee, wishing it wasn’t so good. But damn, if Shinsou didn’t know his coffee. As far as Bakugou was concerned, that was the only thing the guy was good at. (Of course, he didn’t really know him that well, at all).

“You’re very broody today.” You say softly, looking over at him from where you leaned against the brick wall. “Something on your mind?”

Bakugou rolls his eyes, sipping his coffee again. “M’fine. Just... tired, that’s all.”

You hum, fumbling with one of your bracelets. You gaze up at him, grinning, “Do I need to call Kirishima to get it out of you?”

“Tch,” He scoffed, marching over to where you stood and leaning down over you. “Smartass.”

He leans down, capturing your lips in a soft kiss. You both taste like coffee, and Bakugou recognizes the faint, bitter taste of marijuana on your tongue too. He pulls away, raising a brow. 

“What, rolling up before work, you delinquent?”

You giggled, shoving his shoulder playfully, though it’s not enough to move him away from you. “Maybe. Gonna rat me out?”

“Hm,” His lips barely brush against yours, bumping his nose against yours. “I’m sure you could convince me not to.”

“Yeah? That easy, hm?” You say, leaning forward to kiss him again, but he pulls just out of your reach. You pout, and he laughs lowly. 

“I never said it would be easy.” He answers, smirking. 

You feel your breath hitch again, and his lips are back on yours. 

“Mm, Kats, love you, but I need to get back to work.” You mumble in between kisses.

Bakugou nips your bottom lip, but concedes, pulling away with a sigh. “Sure I can’t keep you occupied just a little while longer?”

“And people say I’m the bad influence.” You tease, laughing. “Sorry, babe. Can’t. Besides, I know you’re supposed to be getting lunch with the guys, and I’m not gonna be responsible for making you late.”

“Screw ‘em.” He says, planting another kiss on the corner of your mouth. 

You smile up at him, shaking your head. “What am I gonna do with you, Bakgou Katsuki?”

“Keep me, I hope.”

He’d meant it as a joke, but it came out much more serious than he’d meant. Thankfully, you don’t press him on it.

“Yeah, and what’s in it for me?” You tease, poking his stomach. You stretch up on your tiptoes to place another kiss on his jaw, voice softer than before, “I’m here till you don’t want me, Katsuki.”

Bakugou kisses the top of your head, “That’ll never happen.”

You turn to go back inside, stopping in the doorway to look back at him. “You coming to Sero and Denki’s tonight?”

“We’ll see.” Bakugou grunts.

“Mhm,” You grin. “I’ll see you there, then. Bye, Kats!”

...

By the time Bakugou shows up, he’s the last one there. Even Jirou, infamous for showing up fashionably late to their hangouts, was already inside, sitting with you and Mina on the floor. The three of you were deep in conversation, clearly already more than buzzed - your giggles and half-lidded eyes gave you away.

Bakugou felt the tug of a smile on his lips, watching you. He was glad the day was over. Finally, he could just relax.

And thats when he saw him.

Shinsou Hitoshi was sitting on the couch, leaning over a wide-eyed Denki to get the lighter off the table. 

Bakugou tried. He was trying. But even still, his hands shook with anger. 

Kirishima met his gaze, shaking his head, and he didn’t have to speak out loud for Bakugou to hear his usual, ‘Breathe, man. Everything’s fine. Deep breaths. It’s not worth it.’

“Bakugou!” Mina shrieked, “You made it! I told you he’d be here, Sero, you owe me $5!”

Bakugou scowled. “You bet against me?”

Sero shrugs sheepishly. 

You grin up at him from your spot by the girls, and Bakugou quickly crossed the room to sit by your side, ignoring the intruder on the couch. As he took a seat, he pulled you close to lean against his shoulder, and you instinctively reached for his hand without stopping your conversation.

“C’mon, Jirou, you should invite Yoamomo next time!” You were saying, “How will you ever get to know her if you don’t talk to her?”

Jirou, uncharacteristically flustered, shook her head. “No way. Absolutely not. Momo doesn’t seem the type to... ya know, any of this. We aren’t really her crowd.”

“So? She likes you doesn’t she?” Mina offers, puffing smoke.

Jirou’s cheeks turn a brighter shade of pink, and she slouches down more. “I dunno... Pass it here, Min.”

“I’m sure we could behave ourselves enough for a night.” You tease, grinning, “We could have a movie night! Totally sober, if that’s what you’re worried about, Kyo.”

A loud groan cuts into their conversation, from across the room, “Yeah, speak for yourself.” Denki says.

“As if you could get through a movie night totally sober, y/n.” Sero snickers. 

“Hey!” You shout back, sticking your tongue out at him. 

“He might have a point, man,” Shinsou cuts in. He’d been so quiet, Bakugou had almost forgotten he was there. Of course, his luck ran out. “Y/n can’t even make it through a shift sober.”

The room erupts into laughter, though Bakugou stays quiet, rolling his eyes. 

“Not true!” You say, blushing as you lower your voice, “You weren’t supposed to know about that.”

Shinsou’s laugh is apparently contagious, as he says, “Are you kidding?!” He breaks into an eerily accurate impression of you, “Hey, man, what can I get for ya? Aw, totally, nice choice! Have you tried the muffins, man, they’re sooo good.”

You burry your head in your hands as everyone joins in on the joke, leaning back into Bakugou to hide. “Fuck you, dude! Fuck you!”

“Holy shit!” Denki and Sero are gasping for breath, “How are you so good at that, man?” 

Shinsou grins slyly, reminding Bakugou of the cheshire cat (another reason he doesn’t trust the asshole). “Hey, a man can’t give away all his secrets, huh?”

Bakugou tightens his hold around your waist, mouth downturned into an unhappy scowl. 

“I think a movie night would be nice,” Kirishima changes the subject, and Bakugou sends him a small smile in thanks. “I’m sure we’d all like to meet Momo, and if she’s as sweet as you say she is, she’ll totally go for it!”

“Yeah,” Mina says, wrapping an arm lazily around Jirou, “Besides, you’re a total catch, babe! She’ll love you!”

“Thanks guys,” Jirou responds quietly, passing the joint to you. “I’ll think about it.”

You take a few drags, offering to Bakugou, who shakes his head. You don’t push it, blowing the smoke away from the two of you. 

“Man, and here I was, thinking you might finally relax some, Bakugou.” Shinsou comments.

Across the room, Denki has slouched against the other man’s shoulder, his feet propped up in Sero’s lap. 

“The fuck did you say?” Bakugou snaps, glaring. 

Shinsou chuckles, “Relax, dude, I’m kidding.”

“Yeah?” Bakugou growls, snatching the joint from between your fingers. “Fucking whatever.”

He takes a long drag, face red as he resists the urge to cough out of spite. Shinsou raises a brow, mouth twitching into a smirk. His fingers are in Denki’s hair, scratching lightly at his head, and the blonde looks like he could fall asleep any minute, a sleepy smile on his face. Bakugou feels an odd surge of jealousy, and frustration. These are his friends. You’re his girl. What the fuck is this guy playing at?

As Bakugou goes quiet, eyebrows furrowed and face drawn into a fierce scowl, and shoot Shinsou a look. He sighs, rolling his eyes, but silently agrees to lay off. 

“You okay?” You ask, leaning back and placing a light kiss on Bakugou’s jaw.

He yanks you into his lap with a huff, pouting. 

It takes everything in you not to giggle at him when he’s like this (it’s cute, okay?) but you knew that would only irritate him more. 

“’Suki.” You coo, quiet so no one else can hear you, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He mutters, frown deepening. 

“But-”

“I said it’s nothing, y/n.”

You sigh, giving up and leaning back against his chest. Why did he have to be so stubborn? 

Besides, you aren’t stupid. You know he’s unhappy because Shinsou is here. And, by all means, Shinsou is being an asshole. But he’s your friend, and a really good friend (only a friend). You just want the two to get along, and you want to show your boyfriend that he has nothing to worry about! But, as per usual, both boys are being... difficult, to say the least.

After a few minutes it becomes clear that Bakugou’s mood isn’t going to improve, so you go back to your conversation with Mina and Jirou, absentmindedly rubbing your thumb over his knuckles. Eventually, he starts to relax, but remains quiet. He’s too stubborn to admit that you know how to calm him down, after all. And, besides, he can’t risk the guys telling him he’s going ‘soft’ (his words, not yours).

As your high reaches its peak, you forget about the exchange almost completely. You’ve moved to lay your head in Bakugou’s lap, staring up at him. You reach for his hand, bringing it to rest on your head and he rolls his eyes, fingers gently scratching your scalp. You smile up at him lazily, blowing him a kiss. 

With his hands in your hair, you feel yourself begin to drift off, the conversations around you fading into a low buzz in the background. 

Suddenly, Bakugou’s hands stop.

“Kats,” You whine, one eye cracking open to see what was wrong.

Bakugou’s mouth is agape, brows raised, and face red.

“Kats? You okay?” 

He doesn’t answer, and you follow his gaze to the couch, where Denki has climbed into Shinsou’s lap. The blonde’s fingers are threaded into his hair, Shinsou’s firmly gripping his waist, and they’re kissing. You sit up, a laugh bubbling in your throat.

“See, bubs?” You plant a small, teasing kiss to his lips. “Told ya you have nothing to worry about.”

[mintugiyuu]

> here’s the final part of your request @kyojoroo ! I’m so sorry it’s in two different parts, but I learned for the first time that these text boxes have a limit lmao, again I hope you enjoy and have a great day/night! <3

༄ we have to stop meeting like this - continued

sfw one-shot

➥ pairing || rengoku kyojurou x reader

➥ au || modern day; college

➥ warnings || cheesy, tooth-rotting fluff with extra cheese

➥ synopsis || the reader keeps bumping into the one and only rengoku kyojurou; only instead of just casually seeing him over and over again, they quite literally bump into him in the most inconvenient ways possible. (cont.)

➥ part one || click here!

༄ the mediterranean sea collection - masterlist

Today had to be one of the worst days in your life. Freezing, drenched, and newly homeless, you tucked yourself onto the bus stop bench. Lucky you, this one didn't even have an awning to protect you from the elements.

The rain had no pity for your predicament as it pelted your body, the light clothing doing close to nothing for you. Summer had just come, yet the night rainfall seemed to have brought an unexpected chill.

Not to mention the suitcase and duffle bag you had with you were now also getting soaked.

You could only hope nothing was too waterlogged.

Your hand did little to protect your dying phone from getting wet as you tried to search for the nearest place to stay. Motel, hotel, air B'N'B; anything in range to get you off the streets for the night.

You had a feeling this would happen, and boy were kicking yourself for not seeing the red flags and preparing sooner.

Not having enough savings for a dorm, you had signed a contract with the residents of an apartment to rent out one of the rooms for cheap.

The agreement only lasted for two semesters, but they had promised that you'd be able to renew it once summer rolled around.

"Promise my ass." You grumbled, remembering how the original owner had gotten a partner. In return, they refused to let you sign another contract so they would have space for the "love of their life".

You saw the signs; you saw how their stuff slowly moved into the apartment and all the time they were spending there.

You just didn't think they'd be shitty enough people to kick you out the moment your contract ended.

A gust of icy wind rolled through, causing another shudder to rack your body. The closest place wasn't in walking distance, and it was far to late for the buses to be running. Sighing, you shut off your phone and closed your eyes.

You had resigned yourself to walk the several blocks to the nearest 24/7 fast food place to at least get out of the rain.

That was until the rain fall suddenly stopped beating down on you. The rain couldn't have stopped though, you could still hear it. You blinked your eyes open and looked up, surprised to what - or more accurately, who - you saw.

"...Kyojurou?"

Standing there in all his warmth and glory, Kyojurou looked down at you with concern, holding a bright red umbrella over your soaked form.

He couldn't seem to help the small smile that graced his lips at the sound of his first name.

"I'd be happier that you finally used my name if you didn't look so sad and drenched."

A humorless snort escaped your lips as you hugged yourself, shivering slightly. "Timing always has my side doesn't it? I'm just about to head to the closest food place to get out of the rain, so don't worry about it."

"Why?"

"I got kicked out," you shrugged, looking to the ground.

"This late at night?"

"It surprised me too. They found a new roommate and wouldn't let me renew my contract for the next school year, and it just so happens it ended tonight." There was a hint of bitterness in your tone, one that was completely understandable.

Kyojurou's brows furrowed. "They didn't give you a heads up? A two week notice?"

"I'm just lucky they let me pack all of my stuff before I had to leave." You continued to look down at the ground, not seeing the way Kyojurou's face contorted ever so slightly.

He didn't get mad often, but whoever your old roommates are were now on his shit list

"Well that's a shitty thing to do," he stated bluntly, causing you to sputter and blink dumbly at him.

It's been almost a year since you've met the blonde, and in all that time you never once heard him say a single bad word.

"Did you just curse??"

He pretended not to hear, pulling out his own phone to see the time as you mulled over the fact that this sweet ray of sunshine just called someone shitty.

Expression neutralizing as he schemed, he turned back to you. "You don't have to stay in a fast food place for the night."

"Huh?? Are you suggesting I sleep in a box?"

The man smiled, resting a reassuring hand on top of your shoulder, frustration forgotten for now. "You can stay with me!"

"What now?"

Chuckling, he passed the umbrella off to you to hold, beginning to slip his arms out of the jacket he wore. "You can stay with me for the time being until you get back on your feet! Well, us. If you wanted to of course! Sanemi just moved out, so we're looking for a new one regardless."

Baffled at the sudden offer, you started to shake your head, forming the words to decline him. It was too big of a favor, how could you accept that?

He was one step ahead of you, as he always is.

"Before you say anything, no, it would not be any trouble, you're a joy to have around! We can settle the nitty gritty later, let's just get you out of the cold."

"Wait, Kyojurou," you were silenced by a heavy warmth that suddenly engulfed your upper body, including your sight. Moving the fabric from your eyes, you realized it was his jacket.

His once dry clothes was slowly becoming just as soaked as you were as he took back the umbrella, insistently keeping it solely above you.

The gentle way he smiled in combination with the light post that shined behind his head had you convinced he was your guardian angel in disguise.

You hesitantly pulled the jacket closer to your body, not being able to deny how relieving the warmth felt. "But, won't you be cold?"

"My insides are practically pocket heaters, it takes a lot for me to be cold. A little wind and rain won't do anything to me, I promise! Now come on, before you get sick," he insisted as he grabbed your bag, throwing them over his shoulder.

"Little" was an understatement, but you didn't have the energy to argue. It was the middle of the night and you could feel your eyes starting to droop.

Grabbing your luggage to role behind, you let the other wrap his free arm around your form, hand resting on your arm. "Thank you, truly I don't know where to start showing how grateful I am. I owe you big time."

"Never refer to me as Rengoku-san again and I'll call it even!"

A wobbly smile tugged at your lips as you leaned into his side, letting him guide you down the route to his apartment. "You have a deal then, Kyojurou."

The weather broadcasters warned everyone about heavy snowfall, but you couldn’t help but think they could’ve prepared everyone a bit more as you stared out your window and could only see the shadow of snow.

Thank the gods above it was winter break or they’d have to cancel classes, which would just be tuition money flushed down the shitter.

Your train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door of the bedroom you were in, which was odd because the door was open.

Low and behold, it was your sweetheart of a boyfriend, holding two mugs and using his foot to knock. “I brought hot coco!”

"You don't have to knock, this is your room you dork."

"Our room technically, my dear." He responded smoothly, shutting the door with his foot behind him as he made his way to you.

"Careful not to spill it," he winked, laughing slightly as he handed you your mug.

"Just for that I should," you scoffed playfully, sticking your tongue out at him as you took the drink. The smile on his face was nothing but adoring, finding you to be adorable. You had to look away to dismiss the butterflies that swarmed in your tummy. “Looks like we’re snowed in for a bit. The snow is above the windows.”

Kyojurou hummed in agreement. “I still don’t understand how tiny snowflakes can become so damaging so fast!”

“You’re funny,” you chuckled, taking a sip of the hot beverage. Kyojurou always made the best hot chocolate.

“... UME! I’m glad I can be amusing!” You couldn't hold down the snort at the realization that he wasn't joking, swallowing and shaking your head. You granted him mercy and switched the subject.

“What are the others up to?”

Kyojurou leaned against the sill next to you, shoulder bumping yours affectionately. “Tengen is in the living room playing video games with his girlfriends, Mitsuri is watching a movie in her room and Obanai is watching with her. I think she's also painting his nails from the conversation I overheard while passing by."

“I see.”

The both of you were leaning against the window sill, basking in the comfortable silence. It wasn't common in an apartment full of unique roommates.

Even now you both could hear the loud victory cheer of Suma as Tengen groaned in defeat.

Taking another sip of your drink, you hummed, lifting your head to face Kyojurou. You were going to say something, but that was forgotten as you covered your mouth with your fingers as to not laugh suddenly.

"Hm? Is something wrong?" Your poor oblivious lover had a whipped cream mustache. He tilted his head at you - not unlike an owl - seemingly confused to your sudden shift in expression. You swallowed your laughter down as you placed your drink onto the sill, stepping closer to the blonde.

"No, nothing's wrong. You just have a little something rigghtt..." you reached out to grip his chin gently, swiping your thumb across his top lip to collect the whipped cream. "-there, all gone!"

A pretty, bright red color spread across Kyojurou’s face, wide eyes blinking owlishly at you with his mouth slightly agape. Laughing quietly at his reaction, you licked the cream off your thumb, patting the side of his cheek teasingly.

"You'll catch flies, hun." A click of teeth could be heard as he closed his mouth.

"RIGHT!" He stopped himself to clear his throat, turning to face the window as his usual smile reappeared, though a bit wobbly. "Thank you!"

All you did was hum, a slight mischievous smirk settling onto your face. You were set to happily go back to your drink when you shivered, the chill of the room finally reaching you through your clothes.

Kyojurou caught it from the corner of his eye, turning back to you. “Are you cold?”

You waved him off, shaking your head. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, you'll just get another sweatshirt.

“I’ll be ok. The hot coco will warm me up in- WOAH!” That plan was thrown out the window when he suddenly scooped you up into his broad arms, smiling determinedly.

"You're not allowed to just continue on being cold, not if I can help it!" The firey man plopped you down onto your shared bed, quickly gathering the collection of fluffy blankets you have accumulated over time.

In the blink of an eye, you were neatly swaddled in said blankets and being held gently to your boyfriend's warm chest. He settled underneath the main blanket, wrapping his strong arms around your body.

“Is that better?” He beamed at you, looking oh so proud of himself.

What did you do to deserve him?

"Much," you all but groaned, snuggling your face into the warmth of his chest. It was like cuddling a big warm marshmallow. “I still can’t understand how you’re so warm.”

“I’m a living-breathing heater, my dear. I’ve explained this before, I’m sure of it.”

You snorted, leaning into his hand as he began to run his fingers through your hair. “I’m not complaining, you’re good to keep around for whenever my hands freeze.”

“I wouldn’t mind one bit," his voice came out softly, planting a warm kiss to onto your forehead. This in turn caused you to melt even further into him, burying your face into his shirt.

Kyojurou laughed with amusement as he turned on the television, looking for something for the two of you to watch for the rest of the evening. You eventually peaked your head out to look at him, wrapping your arms around his middle.

“Hey, Kyojurou?”

“Yes?”

All of his attention was on you. Even in these small moments he looks at you as though you're the most precious human being in the world. And to him, you were.

You hummed, placing a kiss onto his chin. “I’m happy I spilled my drink all over you.”

The small peck had similar effects from the whipped cream incident earlier, though he seemed to snap out of it quicker this time. He smiled brighter, cupping your cheek with his large, warm hand.

“That's an odd way of saying I love you."

This made you pause, the 'L-word' not being used between the two of you yet. “Wait, what?"

He gave you no time to question further as he placed a kiss onto your lips in return, his other hand finding the small of your back to pull you closer.

The initial shock of being kissed faded quickly, your arms finding their way around his neck as you pulled yourself closer. The kiss was short and sweet, yet the passion that Kyojurou lived by was always present.

The kiss came to a pause with you laying on top of his chest, remote forgotten and blankets wrapped around you as you steadied your breathing.

Kyojurou's eyes crinkled slightly with his smile, brushing the back of his hand across your cheek.

"I love you too."

[glassessence]

Modern Soulmate AU | Watanabe

M O D E R N   S O U L M A T E   A U   |   W A T A N A B E

-- You see in black and white until you meet your soulmate. --

There have been violent protests for days now and this morning graced us with a magnitude 5.9 earthquake. Suffice to say I’m feeling a little ~shooketh~ (pardon the pun; I’ll show myself out haha). 

Anyway, I’ve been writing a lot of angst lately and wanted a change of pace. I love the idea of soulmates, so here’s an AU featuring university professor Watanabe. I’m super tired at the time of this posting so grammatical tenses are all over the place. I’m sorry. I zoned out so hard during this that it’s half stream of consciousness lmao.  

Also, it’s in dot-point format because I have no time to write it into an actual oneshot *cry* Also, if anyone cares, here’s what I have planned for future instalments in this series: 

CEO Lee | Secretary Reader

Pop singer Kamui | Backup dancer Reader

W A T A N A B E   |   U N I V E R S I T Y   P R O F E S S O R

Watanabe has seen in faded colours since the start of the semester. He knows his soulmate is a student, but doesn’t know who.

It’s not until you stay behind to ask him a question that it happens. He turns to you and his world bursts into riotous technicolour. Your world explodes into colour, blues and greens and yellows beyond your wildest dreams.

For a moment, both of you just stare at each other. Watanabe is speechless, blown away by the colour in your cheeks and the light in your eyes. You’re backlit by the soft afternoon sun and all he can think of is how beautiful you are.

You’ve always considered Watanabe handsome but unattainable. You’d always figured someone like him would be taken. All the good ones were. 

But now, he was your soulmate. The knowledge feels impossible and knocks the very breath out of you. 

“It’s you,” Watanabe breathes, so quietly you barely hear him. His hand reaches out. Long fingers are inches from your face when he seems to remember himself. He drops his hand. Clearing his throat, he asks you how he can help.

You’re so shocked at the blazing colour of the world that you’ve forgotten your question. “N-Nevermind, professor. I’ve gotta go.” Heart hammering and face flaming, you rush from the room as fast as you can. 

The next few weeks are super awkward. You’re not sure how to talk to Watanabe and he seems to be avoiding you. He rushes out after every lecture and doesn’t meet your eye. Even though your world looks so beautiful now, it feels grayer than ever.

Watanabe feels miserable and impossibly conflicted. He wants to get to know you, to hold you and kiss you. Knowing you were out there alone was a pain he could hardly bear. 

“You’re kidding,” Bruce says over beer one day. He eyes his lonely friend. “Keep it secret, Watanabe, but you have to do something. This doesn’t just happen to anyone, you know.”

You stopped going to lectures, unable to stand the reality of Watanabe purposefully ignoring you. Was it because you were a student? Or… did he have someone else? The very possibility of another woman filled your heart with envy. 

Noticing your absence, Watanabe grew concerned. He was a university professor, after all. Regardless of whatever bond connected the both of you, you were still his student. 

He reached out to you via email. Y/N, I haven’t seen you in lectures lately. Is everything okay? 

Your response was curt. Thank you for checking in, professor. I’m fine, just been feeling a bit unwell lately. 

Guilt shot through Watanabe. It seemed it was your turn to avoid him. He knew he deserved it. His heart ached. Bruce was right. Something had to be done. I see. I don’t want you to fail the subject.  I think we should have a catch up over coffee to discuss your progress.

Your heart skipped a beat. Was Watanabe asking you out on a date? Or were you reading way too much into it? Regardless, you dressed well. The day was bright, warm and sunny. You’d grown used to the brilliant colours, but still took immense pleasure in seeing the autumn leaves fall. 

He was dressed in a casual button down and slacks, long hair knotted at the back of his head. Handsome without trying, as usual. You eyed him warily. He’d made his intentions clear so far. You didn’t want to start off on the wrong foot. Still, something in you ached for his touch. You tore your eyes from his lips. 

Watanabe admired you. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you, but seeing you again up close, he was taken aback by your eyes. “You came,” he says simply. “Of course,” you reply casually. “I don’t want to fail the subject, after all.”

Watanabe quirks a smile. “I’d certainly hope not.” The two of you sit down. The conversation is initially focused on your academics and all the content you’d have to catch up on. However, it soon spirals into something else. You make him laugh, a deep rumble that kindles something in your soul. He possesses a sharp intellect that you’re desperately attracted to. Time passes in the blink of an eye. 

“I should go,” you say, gathering up your things as the sun is setting. The sky is overcast, pregnant with heavy clouds threatening rain. “Yeah,” he agrees. “My bad.”

“No,” you counter boldly. “My pleasure.” His eyes widen, but he looks away. He says nothing, but the disapproving frown tells you enough. Your smile fades. “Watanabe...What is this?” His answer is bitter. “Wrong,” he says.

Hurt and anger burn in your chest. “Wrong?” you echo. You point to your eyes. “You think this is wrong?” You slap your palm to your chest. Your voice breaks. “You think this is wrong?”

“No,” he growls, frustrated. “Never. But I’m a professor and you’re a student. I can’t take advantage of you.”

“You’re not taking advantage of me! This is meant to be! I-Is there someone else?”

He stares at you in disbelief. “No, of course not. I just...can’t.” You bite your lip. “I can’t bear to be around you,” you say softly. Raindrops splatter onto the pavement. “I’m going now.”

You turn from him and walk into the pouring rain. Watanabe runs after you. “At least let me take you home. You walked here, right?” You keep walking, trying to ignore the magnetic pull of him. “I’m fine.”

“Dammit woman,” he says, voice low. He grabs you by the arm and forces you to face him. You have to look up to see his face. “Why are you being so difficult?”

Something in you cracks. “Because,” you say heatedly. “I can’t bear to be around you! To want you so much it hurts. To want to touch you and kiss you and be beside you. To know that you’d rather be alone than with me!”

“That’s not true!” he roars back at you. “I want you. So much. I want to leave my marks on you and make you my woman. But I can’t! People will judge you and I won’t allow that.”

“Fuck them,” you reply. “You’re just a coward, Watanabe.”

His hold on you loosens in shock. You take the opportunity to break away. The sky was black now and the rain showed no signs of relenting. You hated how brightly the moon shone and how beautiful the night was under her silver touch. 

Suddenly, a hand pulled you back. Lips touched yours, warm and velvet soft. Watanabe kissed you deeply. His tongue snuck into your mouth, twining with yours like long-lost lovers. His hand curled into your hair. The other encircled your waist, pulling you flush against him.

Reluctantly, he pulled back, resting his forehead against yours. His breathing was heavy. “I’m not a coward,” he whispered in your ear. “I just don’t want you to suffer because of me. Others might not understand. They might attack you. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never,” you answer softly. “Never, Watanabe.”

The two of you made it back to his car. But it was a good deal later into the night that you returned home…