#Stole him because I thought it would be funny in the scene

[maple-writes]

WHG 20 - Training (the rest of it)

WHG tag list: @concealeddarkness13 @ratracechronicler @pen-of-roses @grailfish @forthesanityofstorytellers @pied-piper-of-hamlet

featuring @pen-of-roses' Silver, and also I stole Hugo from @ratracechronicler briefly!

--

I didn’t sleep after the peacekeepers dumped me back to our floor of the tower, instead taking Ginger’s tablet she’d left on the table while she’d headed out for the night, and searching every database I could think of, reading and jotting notes from any article even tangentially related to anything that might help Primary. Gods, real or false, ancient or modern, anything that might give me at least a slight lead. My wrist ached from gripping my pen and scrawling note after note, citation after citation, through Ginger’s spare notebook as my handwriting slowly went less and less careful.

The sun rose gradually outside, shining in through the windows and reflected off the other glittering buildings on the Capitol. My eyes stung, my reading slow now as my brain fogged, fuzzy from reading paper after paper but there had to be more. Had to be something. I’d found more than I expected, more that I thought I would this soon but there was something missing. Or maybe I’d have to look at my notes again, find something I missed. Something that would free Primary from their stasis without destroying all they’d worked so hard to create. They said they didn’t care, but what about after? What would they think when it was all said and done and they stood before everything they once created, everything they must have once cared for, dead and gone by their own hand?

Would they feel the same as I did, seeing Cirrus watch me in fear, seeing him run, seeing Kyra put herself between me and Striker for his own safety? Would it feel the same as my hand around Striker’s throat? The same as returning to dead grass and trees and knowing it was my fault? To knowing I could never undo what I’d done?

I couldn’t let them face that. Not if I could help it.

A gloved hand fell on my shoulder and I jumped, twisted to see Ginger frowning down at me.

“Asher, what’s going on?” Her eyes flicked from me to the papers scattered on the table. “What is this? How long have you been up?”

I set the pen down, massaging my aching wrist. “Remember the god I was telling you about, the one that kept part of themself in Ares?” I paused, waiting as she nodded. “They, peacekeepers and a scientist, they took me to them last night and tried to make me their new vessel and I didn’t let them but Ginger, they,” I swallowed, throat tightening and eyes burning with tearful pressure. “They’ve been there for thousands of years, alone, stuck in a state they called stasis and I can’t just leave them like that. They’re lonely, and desperate and angry and say they’re willing to destroy everything they created but I, I don’t believe them.” I shook my head, tears escaping, slipping down my cheek, remnants from last night not dispersed by sleep. “I don’t know if I can fix it in time before the games so I need you to promise you’ll try for me.”

Ginger’s brows furrowed further as she tried to follow along. She reached for the notebook and tentatively flipped through, pausing on the page I’d done my best to sketch the corpse on, arrows and annotations pointing out what I couldn’t capture properly. “A god hm?” She tucked a loose strand of hair back as she studied the diagram. “It’s not going to be easy to do anything to a god, but I don’t want to say yet that it’s impossible. You already managed to destroy a fragment of it so I’m leaning towards not impossible but I’ll take a closer look at your notes later.” She sighed. “Right now I’m worried that it’s not a process I would be able to do alone, if this god is considerably powerful or stubborn.”

“I was told there might be a chance of escape.” I shouldn’t just be blurting this out, but my head spun, exhausted and without second thought. “Triel reached out to me the other day and invited me along. She has a plan and outside help.” I’d told her I wasn’t sure if I could handle it but now I had to. “I, I’m going to try as best I can to keep it together, to stay on her good side so I can come back.”

She nodded, uncharacteristically quiet as she looked between me and the notebook. When she spoke it was strangely soft, quiet. “You’re set on this aren’t you?”

“I, I am.” I leaned back in my chair, curling my shoulders. “I, I don’t know. I can’t just leave them there. I don’t think the scientists there have their best interests in mind, or they would have tried something besides presenting countless people as potential vessels.” I swallowed, wiping my face with my sleeve. “After what I felt there, I can’t just leave them there to suffer. It’s not right.”

Ginger set the notebook down. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. If it gives you a reason to focus on surviving then I promise I will help you with this.”

“Thank you Ginger.” I took a long breath, shaky and weak. “For everything.”

“Like I said, I wasn’t about to let you face this alone.” She gently took the tablet from in front of me, out of my reach. “Get some rest. Training can wait.”

Could it? There wasn’t much time left. Half a week and I’d already wasted most of the first day so less than half a week to figure out how to survive long enough to escape and come back. “I’ll be okay, I’ll take it easy.”

She gave me a doubtful look but didn’t argue. “If you insist.”

--

Maybe I should have taken her advice. I swayed as I stood in the doorway of the hall just long enough to get my bearings before making for one of the stations. Noise buzzed in the background and it the images of plants blurred slightly but I could still make just enough of them out to try and figure out which was what, and which were poisonous. I took the quiz at the end and got most wrong and moved on.

I tried the next station, and the next, with about the same result. Some I remembered, like how to sharpen a blade and how to climb an easy tree, but most came as a blur and I left another station in the same way, wandering to see if anything else caught my eye. It wouldn’t hurt to try and improve my fitness before the games but how much could I really hope to achieve before the end of the week?

Another tribute brushed my arm and I turned, following a few steps behind them. They weren’t sure what to do. Weren’t sure if they could-

No, no. I turned around, fast enough my head spun and hurried in the opposite direction. I couldn’t start. Couldn’t start that again. I had to keep calm and controlled for the next few days and then the next foreseeable future. I could do that, right? Right?

—

The next day proved harder than I thought. My head spun all day. Fears and trepidations were dialing up with only a couple days left of training, sharp and choking through the air. What ifs and nerves and for some excitement. My heart skipped walking past others and too many times I had to force my head down, hold my hands together and flee away, anywhere but next to a tribute with just enough vulnerability that i could have tried to exploit. Had to hold my tongue, hide away in some dark corner away from curious eyes.

Twice I had to bite my tongue hard enough it bled, iron coating my mouth as I nearly ran back to the elevator. Bracing on the walls and panting, gasping as my heart raced and the lights flickered and my hand shook wanting to press the down button again. To find an easy target, an easy victim who wouldn’t see it coming. Twice I stumbled, shaking and snarling into the apartment.

Once while Cirrus was unlucky enough to meet me. I lunged at him across the table, plates and cups shattering on the ground as I caught him by surprise with claws digging into his arms and a growl in my throat and spitting on about how his mother disowned him and he was hardly a prince at all and he was an idiot to think anyone would ever care about him. That I never in my life would care for him.

But he’d heard it all before and he was stronger than me, throwing me off and sending me sliding across the marble floor. Throw me across the floor and sit by me as I realized what I’d done. What I’d done again.

“For fucks sake give me some warning next time,” he huffed, sitting close enough my shoulder brushed me arm.

He offered his hand and I took it, squeezing hard as his steadiness seeped in through his skin, calm, familiar, safe. Cirrus knew, he knew I didn’t mean it, but guilt gnawed at my stomach along with hunger. When was the last time I ate? I could hardly remember what day it was, what time, how long I’d been here for.

I shouldn’t have needed it, but he picked me up off the floor and carried me to my bedroom, tucking me in and hand delivering a tray of finger foods from the dining room. He sat with me, eating and talking but listening as I cried on about Primary, about Chess, about how I didn’t know if I could make it.

He listened, quiet, removing the tray when it was done and tucking himself in on the other side of the bed. “Like I said, maybe resistance isn’t what’s going to work for you.”

How could he know? How could anyone know? He held me from behind as I curled up in the bed, sniffling and teary eyed yet again but it was warm, and if Cirrus was here I wouldn’t have anything to be afraid of.

“How could I?” I mumbled, sleep pulling at me yet again. “I can’t do those things to people, I can’t just let it happen.”

He hummed, noncommittal. “Who knows. Might not hurt if someone’s in your way though.” He paused adjusting a pillow or something out of my view. “What if you just didn’t say anything?”

I sighed. Maybe. Maybe that would work but who could say for certain? I wouldn’t put it past myself to try something else even if I lost all ability to speak. I’d still find a way, find a way to torment whoever caught my attention next.

But it was harder and harder to dwell, with soft evening light shining in through half-drawn curtains, and Cirrus warm and solid and steady at my back.

—

Another day and I tried again to venture into the training hall but the air buzzed higher, sharper, electric with anticipation and wariness and the looming dread that it was coming. Coming sooner rather than later now. How many days? How many days until they sent us off now? What day was it?

I didn’t want to risk asking anyone, to risk asking and opening them to what I might say. There were so many tributes, people, and not all of them sure of themselves. Standing at the edge I found myself eyeing anyone who passed, as if crouched in waiting for wounded prey, someone I could sink my teeth, my words into, to twist what they thought against them. To see the hope dashed from their eyes, the fight drain from their body and I took everything I could, took it to be destroyed.

Fuck.

Without thinking too much I headed to the pool. Someone told me these jumpsuits were good for the water. Or maybe that was a dream. I couldn’t remember anymore. I walked straight in, plummeting into the deep end. Sounds came muffled and far away under the water but I couldn’t stay under long before my lungs burned and I swam to the top.

The water was too warm, overchlorinated, but it was better than nothing. Moving to stay afloat made it harder to think about the weakness that a man who’s name started with an H but didn’t come to me, might have had as he floated by on a makeshift raft fastened from materials nicked from other stations across the hall. I spread my fingers in the water, clawing through it with uncoordinated strokes. It felt nice between my fingers, satisfying as I splashed downward, clawing and scratching at the top of the water and kicking out behind me.

H, Henry? No, not quite, on his raft watched with the look of a lifeguard deciding if he got paid enough to intervene just yet as I opened my mouth, biting down at the surface and letting the treated water flood my mouth. I coughed when some got past my throat and it burned my nose, but I didn’t stop. Biting and splashing down and bobbing above and below the surface.

A rope slapped the water ahead of me and I kicked to turn, treading water clumsily. H had the other end in his hand.

“Don’t think you’re supposed to drown until later.”

I coughed again, clearing the last of the burning water from my mouth and nose. “I, sorry. I’m alright.” My cheeks heated, flustered. What the fuck was I thinking doing all that in front of everyone. “I’m just uh, I’m just playing around. Thanks, though.”

He shrugged and reclined back on his raft. “Carry on then.”

I paddled a little farther away before resuming, and diving down and up and down and up feeling the water trail behind my strokes and bubbles tickle my hands when drawn down from the surface. I must have lost track of time, alternating between splashing and diving and paddling lazily because one of the trainers shouted at me that it was time to go, waiting impatiently as I hauled myself up out and made my way back up to my floor dripping wet.

--

It might have been the last day now. I had to ask Ginger before heading down, head fuzzy and not sure what day it was anymore. She said it was.

Tonight there were tests, tomorrow there were interviews, and the next day the games.

Swaying on my feet I stumbled through the training hall trying to cram as much left as I could. Jumpy when anyone spoke to me I kept answers short, finding some excuse to hurry away when I wasn’t sure what I would say next. Today at least, hopefully others would assume my demeanor was nerves and nothing else. Nothing dangerous. Nothing that had to be looked out for.

Until I saw her again. Chess. Standing with her back to me, looking over a station next to someone I didn’t recognize. Vulnerable. Weak. A monster. My heart skipped and beat faster, my eyes locked on the back of her head. She didn’t know I was watching her. Watching her, stronger than her in conviction. I could feel my teeth sharpening as I took an unsteady step. Whoever was with her couldn’t protect her. I could take them both, talk them both down if I tried hard enough.

I walked slow, silent, eyes locked on her as if there was nothing else. I could finish what I started. It was so close last time. Just a little more and—

And what? I froze, every hair on my skin standing on end. No. Not again. I couldn’t do this again. Not when, not when I promised. I swallowed, blood cold as I backed up, away, away.

The elevator was past her. I would have to go past her. Would that be a good idea? No, no probably not.  I couldn’t let her see me. Couldn’t let her see me and tell Triel or get hurt or.

Somewhere else.

Legs shaking I stumbled away, searching for somewhere to hide. Just in case. Just in case I saw her again and I didn’t notice what I was thinking in time again and…

A box-like room in the corner, a sound booth used for identifying bird song and other animal calls that might come in handy. There was a door. No one would hear me and I couldn’t hear anyone. Couldn’t see anyone, couldn’t touch anyone, couldn’t find anyone to hunt. Couldn’t find anyone to hurt.

My hand shook as I fumbled with the doorknob. I pushed the door open and stepped in and froze.

Someone was already here. They sat in the back corner, staring back at me. “Oh, sorry.” I glanced back over my shoulder. Could I make it? Could I risk it? What it, what if… “Mind if I join you?” It wasn’t worth it, wasn’t worth figuring out if I could handle myself right now.

They winced, pulling their shirt up over their ears as they nodded and quickly waved me in. The air around them buzzed, erratic and I clenched my teeth against the urge to scream, to yell, to start the birdsong training and turn the volume louder, louder, to slam the door, instead forcing my hands to move slow, to close it softer than it opened. I wasn’t here to hurt anyone. I didn’t, now wasn’t the time.

I sat at the other end of the booth, wedging myself into the far corner. Eyes shut tight I took breath after breath, slowing my racing heart, running my fingers over the smooth pearls around my wrist. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t want to hurt Chess, or any of the other tributes. I didn’t want to scare the tribute hiding in this booth. Didn’t want to make them cry, not like before. I was supposed to get through this alive, and to do that I couldn’t hurt anyone. I wouldn’t be like him. I was better than him. Better.

Slowly the soft quiet eased the tightness in my chest, the twitch in my fingers to grip and claw.

The tribute sitting there, they wouldn’t expect it. Wouldn’t expect me to come after them. They were hardly even watching, already hiding from something. All I had to do was brush their skin and I—

No, no. I held my hands clasped together in front of me and forced another, longer breath. They hadn’t done anything to me. I’d hardly seen them before now. I didn’t want to hurt them.

I sighed, letting my eyes open and drift towards them. Something wasn’t quite human about them, something unfamiliar. Not something I’d seen before, but it didn’t seem to be unusual in this batch of tributes for someone to be not quite human nor something I’d seen before.

“Sorry if I scared you,” I kept my voice barely a whisper, even that carrying within the sound proofed walls. “My name’s Asher.”

“Silver.” They whispered back, voice rough and hoarse. “Didn’t scare, could hear you coming, just, loud.” They motioned at the door.

That would explain what they were doing hiding here. I sighed. They were right too. “It’s… A lot.” A lot of commotion, a lot of sound, a lot of feelings drifting and mixing in the air and finding their way to me.

Hopefully I didn’t make it too much worse, bursting in like that. Across the booth there were chairs, sturdy looking but not appearing too heavy for even me to move. I sat up, glancing between them and the chair. “Want me to block the door?”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to have to deal with anyone else right now either. At least Silver seemed content for each of us to keep mostly to ourselves.

They did something with their hands and nodded, sign language maybe? Then they sighed and added in a whisper, “please.”

I got up and reached for the nearest chair, face illuminated with the blue-white light of one of the monitors showing a muted video of a grouse calling in a prairie. Would there be a prairie in the arena? I shook the thought from my head as I lifted the chair and propped it against the door. I hovered my hands just beside it a moment as I let go. If it fell and crashed that would be the last thing Silver needed, but it held steady. Good. I sat back in the corner, leaning back and letting my eyes wander up to the dark ceiling.

If only I’d figured out this little booth existed earlier, maybe then the week wouldn’t have gone by in such a blur. I hadn’t had a chance to think about what I might be doing tonight to try and prove myself a competitor, or I would even bother. I wasn’t particularly good at any of the stations I’d tried, and if not for Triel’s plan I wouldn’t have any reason to hope that anything would work out.

I hadn’t seen Silver around before now much, had anyone told them? I sat up a little, turning towards them. “Has anyone told you there might be an escape plan?” Maybe I should have eased into it. What if they were the type to tell the wrong people? I’d just have to trust them.

They nodded, shifting a little as they visibly relaxed now that another interruption was unlikely. “Triel. Admit I’m still skeptical, but,” they shrugged, “rather try than die-“ they broke off, eyebrows furrowed for a moment before shaking their head.

“Me too.” Even if Triel lied, or if it didn’t work, the potential to survive was better than nothing. I sighed, shoulders sloping as I leaned harder into the corner, tucking my legs in. “I don’t want to get too hopeful, but it’s more a plan that I have.”

“Hope’s better than nothing. Least, that’s what Calla says.”

I curled up further, drawing my knees up to my chest and resting my arms on top. “Yeah, I guess that’s all we really have right now isn’t it?” Especially in a couple days, when we were sent in with nothing and told to kill each other. Nothing but hope, potentially misguided, but hope that maybe it wouldn’t be the end. That something would work out.

But how? Even now my head felt fuzzy, eyelids growing heavy. The games hadn’t even started and I was already teetering between tired and exhausted at any given time, already probably lost weight forgetting the last time I ate between overwhelm and focus. How would, how could I make in the arena when this was already as hard as it was? Even if I did make it, survive, would I just be a threat to everyone else?

Silver slumped a little, biting at their lip. “Maybe we could…” They shut their eyes, voice trailing quieter and quieter, “eachotherto…help. Too.”

“I…” Could I? What could I do to help? “I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’ll try.” I didn’t think I could protect anyone, from myself or otherwise.

“You… Make things quieter. Already helping.” They smiled, cautiously holding out a friendly hand. “And I can… Help you. Or try. Ifyou… Want.”

I swallowed against the vice closing my throat and the tears burning just behind my eyes. I was? I was helping? If only they knew what I was thinking, what I almost thought to do when I stepped in and saw them here. If only they knew what I was running from in the first place, what I could do to people. What I…

But I hadn’t. I hadn’t done anything, not this time.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, that I was helping, that they trusted me. Everyone at home, they knew what I was, saw what I’d done and still trusted me. Still cared for me. Maybe it wasn’t so impossible I was still the same man they loved, the same one they’d all come and see off, the same one Ginger and Cirrus would drop everything just to stay here with. They all knew I was never what Vena wanted me to be, they all knew who and what I was and they stood by me and knew I would give whatever I could for any of them.

Maybe it wasn’t crazy to think I was still the same Asher even here, even now.

I took their hand with a long, unsteady breath. “I... Thank you, Silver.” They trusted me. For better or worse they trusted me.

Their smile widened, teeth just a little too sharp in the low light from the monitors. “I’m not… thebestwith… words. But yeah. Goodto notbe… alone.”

I returned the smile. “It is. Hopefully we run into each other again.” It was good to know there be a familiar face.

“Canstay here.” They nodded, sitting back. “’Till they dragusout least?”

That sounded like a very good idea. I leaned back, yawning and letting my eyes slide closed. In the muffling quiet of the booth the low, barely audible hum of the monitor filled the still air, soft and lulling. My head drifted, leaning against the soft sound-insulating wall as heaviness tugged at my eyes and body. It was peaceful, the quiet and knowing there was someone else sitting here with me. Nice to find someone who didn’t mind the quiet, someone a little less intense than some of the other tributes, friendly as they were.

I didn’t notice falling asleep until a trainer nudged me with his foot, the same one who’d rushed me out of the pool the other day. Silver must have gone sometime before, missing from the booth and the chair displaced as the trainer hauled me up and walked me back to the elevator, cursing under his breath but otherwise indifferent.

“Don’t sleep through your assessment.” He crossed his arms as he waited for the elevator with me. “They’ll send someone when it’s your turn. Shouldn’t be long since you’re from district one.”

I nodded, yawning and trying to shake myself awake. “Do you have any suggestions?” I glanced at him. “For what I should do?”

The trainer frowned. “You know, no one’s ever asked me that.” He thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Not swimming that’s for sure. I doubt anyone’s going to be impressed if you know some birdsong either.” He scrunched his face, tilting his head. “You know, I bet if you tried something flashy even if it wasn’t actually that useful they’d buy it. You know how it is.”

Maybe if I manage to make the lights flicker or something they’d think it was impressive. “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

The elevator doors opened and he nodded towards it. “Well, good luck out there.”

[championwarnings]

ً HONEY LETTER ୨୧♡

warnings. fluff, a lot of fluff, fluff that rots your teeth, friends to lovers !, jack being so cute and huggable

plot. jack and you are starring in a romcom and you think it's a "great" idea to tell him your feelings when you're practicing your lines.

— ♪ hey stephen jack

a/n. DUDE THIS IS TOO LONG, IT'S HORRIBLE, I HATE IT, btw it's my first fic, be kind ><

💌 ♡♥︎ ………………………………..........

Something you loved about being an actress was the confidence you had acquired over the years, you were so sure of yourself that, without even doing anything, everyone felt confident with you and admired the way you were. However, you would like to say that you always have that confidence in yourself, because at this moment you found yourself with your legs shaking with nervousness.

You were on the filming set of your next movie, a romcom, this was the first time you accepted a role like this, because you have always been more into suspense and horror. Being the lead in a romcom was not easy, especially when your co-star was the cutest guy you had ever seen. You had acted with many guys before, but none like Jack Champion.

You met Jack months before filming began, the director had suggested that you spend more time together so that the chemistry would be noticeable on screen and so you did. With every shooting scene you could feel your own character take over you, acting like a schoolgirl in love trying to camouflage your feelings for the boy who stole your heart.

Remembering each of your moments with Jack was like therapy, you adored him, yes, and he could say the same. Right now you find yourself looking into his eyes, your lips trembling and your legs weak, Jack must think you're too deep in your role.

You hold up a letter written in your own handwriting, so neat and tiny so that you can read it smoothly in case you forgot what was to be read. You had decided to rehearse your lines before you started recording the scenes and boy had you practiced a lot, you already knew what the other was going to say.

Jack was watching you intently for your movements, anxious for you to start saying your lines, his eyes going from your eyes to your hands, and so it went on until you made a small sound, so inaudible that Jack had to open his eyes wider for you to repeat it.

"I know... we've been friends for a while now and it may seem very sudden but... I think I like you."

Saying that, you tried to look around, looking for something to entertain yourself with or distract your thoughts, but you couldn't, all you could do was return your gaze to Jack's, looking for a response to what you said, but you decided to speak again, ignoring your lines and giving him the letter your character had written for his.

"I'd like to know if you can hear my heart beating right now" you took his hand bringing it carefully to your chest, Jack looked at you in surprise, diverting his gaze to your hand and then to the letter he held in his other hand.

Jack could feel how fast your heart was going and your hands so cold as an ice cube, he didn't know if you were being sincere or just winging it. His gaze rested on your lips, noticing how you were trying to keep them still as you licked them to calm yourself. He smiled softly, trying to inspire peace and tranquility in you, you looked like a chihuahua from shaking so much and that was very funny to him. He moved a little closer to you, leaning his body to bury his head in your neck being careful not to be rough. He kept his nose on your neck, wondering how it was possible for you to smell so good, but quickly fizzled out any thoughts not befitting the scene and opted to speak so nicely.

"What do you say we get serious?" he whispered into your neck, his response surprised you and his breath caused your back to arch a little. You knew you liked Jack, but you didn't know you could like him this much.

You pulled away from him slowly, looking into his eyes, searching for some trace of a lie in his eyes, but they only glittered anxiously. That reminded you of the times when you both flirted with each other before the filming of the movie started and as you still do, it became a habit between you to be affectionate with each other, let out teasing or just hugging each other during breaks.

You looked at him doubtful of everything, you were proposing, but you didn't know if Jack had realized that, maybe that's why he answered that or maybe he just wanted to improvise.

"Yah, stop playing with that, it's just a rehearsal" you gave him a somewhat forced smile, pulling your hands away from his and taking back the letter he was holding. "We should go get something to drink."

Jack let out a laugh, hugging your shoulders and starting to walk with you, your heart was still pounding furiously and you felt so silly for not continuing to talk.

"You did great, for a moment there I believed it" You raised your head to find Jack looking straight ahead with a smile, you thought about what to say back to that, did he like you too?

Jack seemed to be deep in thought as well, until he shook his head several times and looked up at you, depositing a kiss on the top of your head.

And so the days went by, in each rehearsal you said something different, like he was the king of your heart or that he brought you flying in the clouds, but again, you denied everything and said it was just you improvising and of course Jack was not far behind, he answered you new things, he said that the girl of his story had always been you or that you were the light of his eyes. You were so happy with something you started and you knew it was fake.

But one day you decided to finally confess your feelings, that day you opted to put on light makeup and wear a small necklace, not so flashy, but you knew Jack would see it because he once told you he liked shiny things. Comically you checked your horoscope to see if it was your lucky day, you had never been one to believe in such things, but you were so desperate that anything good would make you jump for happiness.

Today you hadn't gone to the recording set, you both agreed that you would practice in your apartment, so you took the opportunity to do a quick cleaning.

Jack arrived at the agreed time, you were surprised how punctual he could be, when you opened the door you felt like melting, you were so lost for this man that no matter what he wore, he would look so good, you smiled at him and let him pass, noticing that his mullet looked a little lacy and the skin on his neck was brighter.

"So, honey, shall we continue with the same today?" he asked you with amusement, he called your name to see if you had heard him and you, softly answered yes to both questions.

You got into position, Jack was admiring every corner of your living room carefully and attentively, he smiled when he saw a heart shaped pillow on your couch, so he decided to take it in his arms and hug it to look at you attentively, he wanted to know what statement you would give him today. He moved his hands towards you, implying that he wanted you to talk.

You stuttered a little, thinking about what you would say today but this time, you took the letter in your hands, opened the envelope and began to read, you wrote your character's statement inspired by your crush on Jack. Several times Jack had held the envelope in his hands, but never checked its contents.

"Hey, you're probably thinking, did this crazy lady write me a letter?" you blurted out mockingly, recited her character's name and again stuck your nose in the letter. "Possibly in this letter I won't tell you half the things I want to tell you, you're so brilliant and unique, you make me want to love you like I've never loved anyone before."

"Everyone wants to have you, but I'll always be the only one waiting for you in the coldest moment, you make me feel like I'm not alone" You looked up, only to notice how focused Jack was on your lips, listening intently to everything you said, he was fascinated by your voice, how confident you sounded to him, but you were so nervous that you didn't notice how determined you looked in his eyes.

"You don't know how much I want to kiss you, you look like an angel, I love every part of you, you make me feel unique, the way you say my name is... indescribable" you formed a smile remembering the times Jack called you by your name and not a random nickname, he smiled for the same thing too, wishing he was the one the letter was addressed to.

"I know there are a lot of girls wishing to have you, but will they be able to write you a letter highlighting their love for you?" you laughed, looking at Jack again, you extended the letter to him, this time, with the intention that he would read it, he didn't know if he would, in the script it wasn't written that he would read the letter, but you, however, he decided to ignore it and take it, brushing his fingers with yours, you both smiled at that act.

You watched Jack closely, enchanted by his long eyelashes and the polka dots that adorned his smooth face, you directed your gaze to his lips, which he moved, pretending to read, they looked so cute, immersed in reading that you stayed watching him until he finished reading. Jack looked up, giving you the most radiant smile you've ever seen.

"It's amazing, our characters are so.... wow!" you noticed the excitement in his voice, he sounded like a child after being given his favorite toy, he could only laugh and smile like never before "Your performance captivated me, I thought you would improvise again, I mean..."

"Jack..." You interrupted, already tired of the whole thing, it was time, you had to tell him your feelings yes or yes, maybe they weren't reciprocated, but you needed to get that weight off your back.

"I'm sorry, I lied in every scene we rehearsed, the truth is I like you and I had no idea how to say it" With all the courage you could muster you blurted out your feelings, you wanted to die, throw yourself off a cliff and never see Jack again.

But he smiled at you again and started laughing, with the letter still in his hand, he rubbed his hands on his pants and looked all around before looking back at you.

"Are you being honest this time?" He whispered longingly to you, his cheeks turned red and you could swear yours were just as red, you nodded repeatedly which gave you a headache.

Jack turned around, releasing all the air he was holding and began to hop lightly, reaching towards you and taking your face in his hands, he kissed your forehead, your cheeks and your nose, his eyes were paid to yours, looking at you sweetly.

"Can I kiss you, I just really like you too"

He teased you, you laughed and hugged his abdomen, drawing him to you and resting your lips on his.

At that moment you could have sworn you were in love with Jack Champion.

!!

english is not my first language, sorry if there are some mistakes, i try to improve. also to mention that i don't write smut, just fluff !!, bc jack deserves respect. <3

[bbcphile]

Thoughts on character and costume?

I really love how the respective characters have different colour palettes, silhouettes but in particular material/textures to their costuming. Fang Duobing is a little princess so he gets pale pastels, fancy ornamentation and transparent gauzy fabrics which I find so cute, he’s not just rich he’s *expensive* and *pretty* it’s pretty funny that he matches the actual princess in the red leaves mountain case

DFS gets your wide shoulder bad guy rich deep colours with thick layers and lots of metal detailing but it veers towards grand instead of pretty. Hot topic young DFS is leather and studs lmao. Brocade and fur & shit.

LLH is a linen boi and he almost never has any metal on him, we all know his natural material hair ornament meta etc. Interestingly, he does share some colour palette and fabric overlap with FDB, we se him with his tits out transparent outer layer sometimes. No structure all flowy silhouette

someone on here made a post abt their differing sleeve styles but I can’t find it!

I wanted to gush but also do u have any extra costume thoughts + how they relate to one another? You have a great knack for finding good photos of the show too 😅

Thanks for the ask, @lei-llustrations , and I love your analysis of the outfits! I'm so sorry it took me forever to respond! I had grand plans for a full essay analyzing DFS's costumes, and then I ran out of spoons for doing that. (The short version of the point I was going to prove is that his a-Fei outfits have elements of what seem to be his favorite details from his fancier alliance leader outfits, so it seemed like evidence of LLH trying to make up for making him be in disguise and without his power. I'm thinking of the maroon-red one with studs in the sleeves in particular, but there are echoes of his preferences in the other ones, too.)

Since I'll never actually respond if I wait to put that meta together, here's a shorter one, with my thoughts on DFS's official Alliance Leader robes (screenshot taken from ep 40, when delivering the wangchuan flower).

LLH and FDB both call him Di mengzhu in the wangchuan flower scene, because he's clearly dressed in a way that makes this an Official Visit. I find it fascinating that he wears his alliance leader outfit instead of his grey, maroon, and gold outfit that he wears for non-alliance matters (aka. the wedding room outfit, which he also wears for such Xiangyi-related purposes as the reunion duel that doesn't happen and grieving for him in the middle of the night). After all, he's giving LLH a gift to save his life and issuing him a friendly anniversary honeymoon challenge, so you'd think that would call for his dating outfit, not his official garb.

BUT! What if he's using his official Alliance Leader regalia as a way of saying that not only a-Fei/Lao Di, but also Di Mengzhu and the Jinyuan Alliance want him to live? It's more than just essentially creating Peace Treaty version 2.0, and trying to get life back to what could have been if SGD and JLQ hadn't ruined everything: their people at peace, and the two of them meeting for friendly duels rather than death matches. Yes, only LLH and FDB are there to witness it, but by showing up in his Official Capacity, he's also correcting all the narratives about the enmity between himself and Li Xiangyi, and in giving him the flower, he's officially declaring that Di Mengzhu wants Li Lianhua to heal and have his strength and power back more than he wants to gain martial arts power himself.

This is a HUGE deal. DFS formed the Jinyuan Alliance as a way of climbing the ranks of the jianghu, because his goal was to gain strength so he'd never be helpless or forced to do someone's bidding again. And yet, he wears the outfit that symbolizes that striving and his place at the top of it to GIVE AWAY THE FLOWER THAT WOULD CEMENT HIS PLACE AT THE TOP OF THE JIANGHU. He wants Li Lianhua to not just live but also to regain the strength SGD and JLQ stole from him, which would mean that Li Xiangyi would quite possibly defeat him, and he would welcome that, because it's not about self-protection anymore: now, what he wants more than anything else, is for Li Xiangyi/Lianhua to live.

If that's not enough of an emotional gut punch, try this: Di Feisheng told Li Xiangyi at the start of the show that swordsmen shouldn't have weaknesses. Di Feisheng has only really had two "weaknesses" (vulnerabilities might be more accurate): his desiring the wangchuan flower (which led to SGD and JLQ incapacitating him) and Li Lianhua. It feels like a monumental shift to me that, at the end of the show, Di Feisheng hands one weakness to the man who is the other: essentially, he is announcing to the world that nothing is more important to him than Li Lianhua's recovery, and he doesn't care who knows it.

It also feels very pertinent that his official outfit is wedding red, and he's essentially showing up in his fanciest remaining outfit to offer Li Lianhua his heart on a platter priceless magical flower in a box the way someone might show up at the house of their beloved with boxes and boxes of betrothal gifts. Not that DFS explained that or LLH picked up on it, because that would involve better communication skills than either of them had.

[iambicpentameterhamster]

Every umbrella academy character ranked

Prior to Season 4 coming this year, thought I'd share my character rank with you for the first 3 seasons all together. (Spoilers ahead)

#33- Marcus, Jayme, Alphonso and Fei

Painfully insignificant and underdeveloped. Their only character traits being "spoiled and a bit evil" made them EXTREMELY captivating villians...

#32- Christopher

Only higher because I find the idea of someone carrying around a cube on a stick onset really funny.

#31- Sparrow Ben

Hard to watch honestly, especially in comparison to his lovely counterpart Umbrella Ben.

In general, the Sparrows were terrible and pointless characters, and clearly the writers knew this because most were killed off pretty quickly. All except for Sparrow Ben, which just meant we had to suffer watching him for even longer.

#30- Viktor

This is a controversial choice. He is tolerable in season 1, but then just becomes a moochy emo sod who is boring to watch. I don't know if it's the acting, script or both, but he’s just such a meek and flavourless character who is PARTICULARLY bad in season 3 when he jeopardises his whole family and is repeatedly selfish and has a victim complex.

#29- Luther

He caused the apocalypse in season one and you can't convince me otherwise. Got some alamaba shit going on with Allison...

There are so many reasons I hate Luther. He's a self-centred man child who couldn't care less about his siblings and their feelings, showing zero empathy to Klaus or Vanya, for example. He only shows respect and kindness when he is attracted to the person (As shown when seasons 1 and 2 he is only nice to Allison, then completely ignores her when he moves on to Sloane) or when they pose as an authority figure to him. All he does is whine and feel sorry for himself.

What's that? You lived in the apocalypse all alone for 40 years? You are addicted to drugs and lost the love of your life in a war? You have a power you can't control and a lifetime of rejection? WELL LUTHER WENT TO THE MOON

#28- Carl Cooper

Hated him as a character but he was a menacing villian which I can respect

#27- Harlan

Couldn't care less about him, only there for plot convenience and Victor's arc pretty much

#26- Sloane

An improvement from Luther's literal sibling. Further evidence that Luther will simply fall for any woman who gives a flying fuck about the moon.

Personality: attracted to Luther

#25- Pogo

Basil exposition of the first series

#24- Detective Patch

Barely remember her

#23- The Swedes

They were kind of goofy as villians but there was some good acting and they posed a real threat. Cute moments with the cats. In general, alright, but they could have easily been replaced plot wise with something more interesting.

#22- Cha Cha

Lack of character development for me. I think she deserved to be fleshed out more, I don't think it's fair that only her partner got to be a three-dimensional being. What are her motivations? Who is she underneath it all?

But overall i liked the acting and she was a good villian.

#21- That hotel worker from season 3

He's barely a character but I liked his sass so he's on the list.

#20- Reggie (Reginald Hargreeves)

He is supposed to be the main antagonist/villian of the show, yet The Handler stole his spotlight. He's a bit too stereotypically evil and asshole-ish for me, basically twiddling his moustache and stroking a cat in a dark corner the entire show. The delivery is too blunt and that doesn't help to build the tension and mystery surrounding him as much, but if he were more complicated and cryptic in his personality it would be more effective.

This is very nit picky and overall Reggie is fine. He has some hilarious moments with Klaus in season 3 and I am genuinely intrigued about the unanswered questions surrounding him.

#19- Elliott

He wasn't a particularly important or central character but I enjoyed it when he was on screen and he played his role convincingly. He was a good comic relief in some scenes, and when he died (spoiler alert) the reactions from other characters were realistic and quite impactful. I felt for him throughout, which is impressive for less significant characters and he had a lot of depth relative to the size of his role.

#18- Destiny's children

Not a singular character, but I LOVED Destiny's children. It fit Klaus's character perfectly to have a cult and led to some of the funnies moments in the series.

#17- Dave

From the very limited moments we see with this character, a lot of personality and emotion was communicated, and I feel like we got a big sense of the character. That is down to the brilliant acting from both of Dave's actors and from Robert Sheehan that really sold this character with so little screen time.

Anyway please come back to life Dave! Death doesn't look good on you!

#16- Agnes (Donut woman)

Very sweet and I wish her all the best in life.

#15- Sissy

BRILLIANTLY acted and impactful. Stole every scene between her and Vanya.

Also, she looks EXACTLY like Sheldon's mum in young sheldon...

#14- Herb and Dot

I want to put them both in my pocket and protect them from harm.

#13- Kenny's mum

Again, barely present but I love her. She's a queen. I would go to a rave with Kenny's Mum.

#12- Stan

I love Stan, and he's a big part of Diego and Lila's character development and motivations. I hope they adopt Stan and live happily ever after.

But yeah, great one-liners from Stan.

#11- Grace

Very well acted and haunting.

Top 10 *drumroll please*

#10- Harold Jenkins (Lenoard Peabody)

Again, quite a controversial placement, but I stand by my decision. The acting and delivery of Harold Jenkins as a villain is possibly the best in the whole show. I was totally convinced Lenoard was a nice guy and I was rooting for him and Vanya, until he started dropping hints and slowly revealing his true self and losing the facade and its... it's chefs kiss. So realistic. The actor deserves an award and a standing ovation.

The writers also deserve a pat on the back for this one because he has a convincing motivation and backstory, and the dialogue is DELICIOUS when it comes to Lenoard. He is a truly menacing villain without being overtly scary and powerful and dangerous.

#9- Ray

Charismatic, gentlemanly, empathetic, loving, trusting, supportive... Ray is THE IDEAL MAN. I'm a little bit in love with Ray so I don't blame Allison.

HUGE step up from Luther, for sure.

#8- Umbrella Ben

I would have liked to see more of his character, but I liked what I did see. He loves his siblings and shows it. He is selfless and sacrifices his own existence for Vanya, he is blunt with Klaus because he cares and wants him to improve. Of course, he and Klaus are also a hilarious duo.

#7- Hazel

One of the most touching arcs that offers an insightful message about what life is for, and about Love. Beautifully acted, a very real and lovable character who probably resonates with many in some ways. Hazel is adorable and i miss him in later seasons.

#6- The Handler

I LOVE THE HANDLER MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPLAIN!!! Funny, playful, entertaining, uexpected and whimsical and yet simultaneously dark and menacing, AMAZING villian that stole EVERY SINGLE SCENE she was in. Kate Walsh was the perfect choice for the role and she played it to perfection.

A bit of trivia about the role, The Handler was originally written for a man, and when Kate Walsh got the role she insisted they didn't change the script (which, let's be honest, they would have.) She put a wonderful spin on it and it's just perfect, I wouldn't change a thing. I would 100% watch a spinoff all about the handler. Season 3 was worse than the previous two thanks to them killing her off (amongst other questionable plot choices)

#5- Allison

Allison was the only character who knew what they were doing, and honestly, if everyone just listened to Allison, there would be no apocalypse. Her storyline losing both Claire and Ray and her powers driving her crazy with power breaks my heart but is well portrayed and impactful.

She's charismatic, clever, strong, and kind. I love Allison and I think most of us do.

#4- Diego

He's stupid but in an endearing way, I find him to be so entertaining and funny, and the actor's face is like an open book. He's not show-stopping but his consistent presence just sets the mood and allows others to act off of him, while he really sells it with his expressions. He's like the rock of the show.

#3- Lila

Lila. Mi amor. Mon amour. Amore mio. Meine Leibe.

#2- Five

For several reasons:

A) He is the daddy here, Luther!!

B) That should be the only reason you need

Seriously, though, I was SUPER impressed with Aidan Gallagher and his incredible screen presence, especially at such a young age. He really embodies the character. Five is the face of the Umbrella Acadamy, and is undoubtedly the most iconic character. 10/10, two thumbs up, absolutely BRILLIANT.

#1- Klaus

No justification necessary.

[mtr1234]

KOLTC fans who do not like Fitz, this post is for you. Fitz fans who do not believe people have sound arguments about why they dislike Fitz, this post is also for you.

Disclaimer:

I will mention stuff that happened in Stellarlune, so if you are not caught up with the series you might not want to continue reading.

I will try to provide quotes, but I will likely just describe the scene and what book it is in when I provide my reasons.

Also, this post will be pretty long which may or may not be a good thing depending on who you are.

______________________________________________________________

Anyway, let’s get to the reasons why I dislike Fitz. I have broken them up into three main categories, and I will be talking about aspects of Fitz’s character that I think a lot of people overlook (not the reasons that people do tend to mention: him having anger issues and being boring)

I don’t know if you guys have noticed this, but Fitz is really shady, Iike really shady (and not in a good way like our favorite shade Tam)

He has eavesdropped on Sophie and Keefe’s conversations before which I find so weird

In Lodestar, when Sophie and Keefe were communicating telepathically in that slimy location that Keefe picked out, Fitz started listening in on their conversation without their knowledge. He said it was because he was worried since he heard Sophie gasp. Personally, I do not buy this excuse. He can literally see Sophie so he could easily determine that she is not in danger. At the very least, why did he not immediately announce that he was listening once he knew Sophie was okay? In my opinion, it just feels odd, and if I were Sophie or Keefe I would feel a bit uneasy.

In Flashback, Sophie and Keefe were talking in the healing center about starting weapons training, and Sophie asks Keefe if he is down to do that (or something along those lines). Fitz immediately shouts, “I’m in!” The shady thing about this was that he was sleeping in his cot when they were talking. Now, I’m not saying that he is expected to cover his ears while they have a private convo in the healing center. But the thing is, he pretended to be asleep to listen to more of their conversation which is creepy.

The next very shady thing was the gift he gave Sophie in Legacy which was a painting he asked Keefe to make.

I always thought this was shady because, for one thing, he completely stole Keefe’s idea for a gift. Come on, a painting with a heartfelt message on the back?! That was literally what Keefe gave Sophie in Nightfall. Here comes the actual shady part though: why did he not just go to Atlantis or somewhere and have someone paint it for him? He purposefully asked Keefe to paint the confession scene between him and Sophie when he knows that Keefe likes Sophie. That is so messed up. This is made even worse by the fact that he paid Keefe when literally every elf is born with an unlimited birth fund so it was essentially worthless.

This next example happened in Legacy. I feel like a lot of people forgot about this or kind of swept in under the rug, but I think it is actually very telling of the type of person Fitz is. I am talking about when Fitz decided to search Lord Cassius’s mind to learn anything about where Alvar might be after he got away in Flashback.

There are several shady things about what happened in this scene. First of all, Fitz decided to do this even though he knew that it would make Keefe uncomfortable (Fitz would see the abuse/trauma Keefe suffered at home). Secondly, Fitz did this without even asking Keefe first or even letting him know about it. If you recall, he literally just showed up at Keefe’s house without any warning. Lastly, he tried to lie about it too. He tried to say “I’m doing this for Keefe” and “whatever I find will be helpful for Keefe”. Give me a break, we all know he did not do this out of concern for Keefe and he was caught lying in the act by Keefe himself. *I find it funny how he tried to lie about it to Keefe, when Keefe is literally the strongest empath in their world and is literally so smart even though he does not get enough credit for it.

2. When he gets mad at Sophie, the first thing he does is belittle her or try to make her feel stupid:

This first example comes from Exile when Fitz was getting mad at Sophie about what happened to his dad. Now, a lot of people like to dismiss how Fitz acted in this situation because he was under a lot of stress, but I do not think this is right to do because it absolves Fitz of any guilt instead of addressing how his behavior was wrong. The specific scene I am referring to is when, I believe, Alvar suggests that maybe Sophie can help Alden and then Fitz responds with: “Please, she’s just a kid.” What I get from this statement is that he is making Sophie feel less than, and in the process he is putting himself above her “level”. Now, one can use the excuse that he wasn’t himself and that he was torn up with grief, but he says similar things to Sophie later on in the series (when his dad is not on his deathbed) which I mention below.

This next example happens towards the end of Legacy, just before Fitz and Sophie broke up. Sophie was defending her decision to search Lord Cassius’s mind for any important information even though Fitz was already doing that (she honestly didn’t even need to do this because everyone knew he was getting nowhere and that he would never have found anything useful). Anyway, Fitz responds with: “So you thought the Moonlark needed to swoop in and take over? The leader of Team Valiant? Lady Sophie Foster? The fact that he is trying to make her feel bad about her accomplishments is a major red flag in my opinion. As someone who supposedly cares about her more than anyone, he should feel the most proud of her successes.

This third example is from Stellarlune. It’s when Fitz and Sophie have their first telepathy session after the whole “Fitzphie’s not a thing!” debacle. So, Sophie is asking Tiergan what a Cognate Inquisition is and then here comes the interjection: “Better question,” Fitz jumped in using a smug tone that made [Sophie] wish one of the buttons on her telepathy chair would turn Fitz’s into an ejector seat and launch him out of the room. “Why were you hoping to spare us from it?” I just think this is unnecessary and uncalled for; why is he trying to embarrass/ one up her in front of their mentor? (Did he forget that he is the one who joined her session, not the other way around?)

3. The last major issue I have with Fitz is the fact that he guilt trips Sophie and Keefe a lot. And, just so everybody is aware, not about minor stuff. He tries to make them feel guilty about things that are completely out of their control, and as you are reading these examples I just want you to keep in mind that elves are not equipped to handle guilt. Their mind can literally shatter if they feel too much of it (like Alden), and that’s why I think it is so horrific every time Fitz does stuff like this:

Everybody knows this one, but I am still going to put it here because it is worth mentioning. In Exile, Fitz blamed Sophie for his dad’s mind shattering. I have seen a lot of people try to say it is justified because he was going through a lot at the time, but I disagree. I think we can all agree that just because someone is going through a tough time (no matter how tough it may be), it does not give them the right to bully an innocent person.

Moving on, in Flashback, towards the end of the book Fitz makes everyone search for Alvar because he thinks he is up to something shady. When they find Alvar and question him, Keefe says that he can tell that Alvar is telling the truth. Then Fitz retorts, “Like you could tell with your mom?” In this remark, he is referring to the fact that, before she revealed her betrayal, Keefe had no idea that his mom was evil. This made me so angry on Keefe’s behalf because everyone already knows that he blames himself for everything that his mom is doing. With every revelation about his mom’s plan he sees how much worse things truly are, and that sends him into a downward spiral of guilt. For his “best friend” to say this to him is so messed up.

This is not another example, just my own thoughts about what I said above so you can skip it if you would like. I never understood why people (namely the Councillors) expected Keefe to know that his mom was evil. For one thing, his parents are literally known for never showing any physical or emotional affection to him. So, how is he supposed to be able to read his mom’s emotions if he never is close to her? Secondly, I think people are forgetting that as an empath he can only read people’s emotions. He does not know the reason why they are feeling the way that they do unless he has context. Lastly, his mom was literally erasing his memories left and right so whatever information he could even manage to glean would be wiped from his mind. Meanwhile, Fitz is literally a telepath, and he had no idea his brother was evil (and I assume he must have read his brother’s mind at least one time) so I think he needs to lay off the judgment.

In Legacy, Gisela leaves a note for Sophie to bring Keefe to Loamnore during the “showdown” (or whatever you want to call it). Anyway, Sophie does not want to do this because it is obviously a trap, and Keefe gives in and agrees to stay behind. When he makes this decision, Fitz says, “Wow, you really hate Tam that much? Because he’s the one who’ll pay the price if you’re not there—you get that right?” Is it just me or does that not sound so condescending? All I can say to this is how does he have the nerve to blame Gisela’s actions on Keefe, especially when Keefe is one of the people working the hardest to stop her? Also, it is crazy that Fitz is guilt tripping Keefe for deciding not to be bait and leaving his life in the hands of his (crazy) mom. I’m sure it’s easy for Fitz to say that because he is not the one who is being targeted by an evil mastermind who wants to experiment on him.

This last example happened in Stellarlune, so it is is quite literally very recent. Fitz and Sophie are in the school cafeteria, and they are disagreeing about next steps to take to stop the Neverseen. In that conversation Fitz says, “But sometimes it feels like you don’t realize that it’s only a matter of time before something you do gets someone else killed?” In my opinion this is a completely unfair statement to make against Sophie. First of all, since the beginning of the series she never wanted her friends involved in the fight against the Neverseen because she wanted to keep them safe. However, her friends (including Fitz) would not take no for an answer and insisted on helping. Secondly, Sophie is always going above and beyond (risking her life) to save that of others. Both times when she almost died fixing her abilities, she endured it all for the sake of becoming stronger and protecting her friends, family, and her world. That is why I think the way Fitz is trying to make her feel guilty, and put the entire weight of people’s lives on her shoulders, is so unjustified. She is literally a young girl trying to do her best to save her world from crazy powerful villains, cut her some slack.

If you made it to the end, thanks for reading. Honestly, there are many more examples that could be brought up that I’m sure a lot of you are thinking about, but I am too lazy to write all of that. I just wanted to share my thoughts because I have been seeing some people say that Fitz has had good character development throughout the series (which I just have not seen) and does not deserve all the hate so I just wanted to share why I believe Fitz is viewed the way he is by a majority of the Keeper fandom.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

We're finally at the final (thank the gods)! Things that we talked about that I haven't seen discussed:

Nathalie trying to kill Gabriel is such bullshit. "You can't do this! You'll hurt someone!" Nathalie, you have known that since day one! You knew he was working on this all season and you're good now! Why are you only trying to kill him now? You were healthy most of the season! You even physically pinned him! Oh, right, because you're not actually good. It's all just "better than thou" lip service. Hypocrisy is the easiest way to make us dislike a character and Nathalie's a massive hypocrite, so we're not fans.

Evil Nathalie was pretty fun. "Good" Nathalie is aggravating and has as lackluster a redemption as they gave Felix or perhaps even more lackluster. Felix at least switched for love of Kagami. Nathalie switched because Gabriel didn't heal her even though she had zero knowledge that he truly had a chance to do so (she wasn't there and Gabriel has never given up an opportunity to save Emilie so that he could chase Ladybug before). Adrien was never Nathalie's motivation or else we would have seen her protest things like Gorizilla, Style Queen, and Chat Blanc.

Moving on!

The mass teleport to Ladybug should have killed everyone because the whole world is supposed to be after her. A couple billion people teleporting to the same location should mean people squish each other or that portals open over each other/on top of people. Just saying. Budget saved her life because Mirauclous' Earth has a teeny tiny population due to rendering costs.

SO was mad how anticlimactic the final fight between Marinette and Gabe feels. Oh two people who barely interacted, have minimal personal connection, and always hated each other are fighting? Such a big moment! I'm so invested! He talked about how other shows build up to moments like this by making the villain terrifying or by making the villain and the hero have a strong, personal connection or even by making the fight super fun to watch, but miraculous did none of that. SO seriously didn't care about the fight at all and, to be honest, neither did I when I first watched it. I only tuned in when Marinette detransformed and I went, wait, wtf are you doing?

We get to all the scenes with heroes in other locations and SO paused the show every few seconds to ask me who tf person X was. Fei resulted in multiple pauses because of her varied forms. So I can confirm that the casual viewer totally followed this part and it was a wonderful addition (that's sarcasm, btw). He did ask "why would the French say that they need a bunch of Americans to win?" Which I though was pretty funny. That's certainly one way to read the Americans showing up!

SO works in IT. He was so mad that the laptop wasn't remotely wiped after it was lost/Lila stole it. And why does it have access to the Agreste mansion and not just the police robots? I thought Tsurugi corp was a tech company? This is all security 101.

SO's final thoughts: well that was soulless. I feel nothing. I can see why you're so done with this show.

Credit where it's due: while the final was massively disappointing from a story perspective and while I don't think Caline Bustier was written like a good teacher for anyone above the age of 5, it is really cool to show a pregnant woman run for office, win, and then be allowed to do her job with her baby in tow without any of that being treated as a joke. That's a really powerful thing for a young child to see and I'm glad it was included even Caline would make a terrible mayor in real life.

[g00mbers]

• Chester x Reader (Fluff) 》

On behalf and request of someone!

- - - - - - - - -

You've decided to visit your Jester boyfriend , who fortunately had nothing to do but be funny on most of his shifts , which worked perfectly for him!.

You can't really remember when you fell for him , but in some way he fell for you too , and like hard , slipping on a banana peel type of falling. 

You finally arrived at your destination , You arrived with a basket of sweets of all sorts. It was kind of ironic to bring more sweets to a sweet kingdom but you'd thought it would make a nice touch of detail.

As you arrived the first person to welcome you was Mandy , she opened the door and to be honest , she fortunately seemed a bit more accessible and in a good mood , if you could tell , Chester hasn't played a prank on her ,yet.

"Hey Mandy!" You spoke , grabbing a bit more tightly the basket of sweets you had in hand. 

"Oh , Hey there! , Chester's been waiting for you All day!"

You tilted your head a bit in confusion 

"What do you mean?"

"He hasn't stopped talking about you , which I'm kinda thankful for that , since he has absolutely forgotten to play a prank on me today" She said proudly , placing her hand on her chest.

"Oh no I haven't!" Chester said as he grabbed a rope , and you automatically backed up , As chester pulled it , it motioned a Bucket on the top of the door , full of confetti and glitter , to fall in Mandy's Head 

"UGH! CHESTER how many times- These will be so hard to clean!!!" Mandy said in desperation as she got the bucket out and coughed glitter out

"WOOPS!" Chester giggled smoothly as he slides in the scene

"I'll kill you!" Mandy said glaring at him with pure hate

"Nuh uh! If you get the glitter and confetti fast enough then it'll be easier to get rid of~" He spoke in an "singing" kind of way 

Mandy groaned as she rapidly stormed off the room to clean her clothes

"Woah , it's the first time i have ever seen Mandy let you go so easily" You chuckled before looking back at him

"She doesn't usually attack me in front of customers" Chester shrugged in a cheery way

You could only giggle at his response , before realizing you were still holding your basket , and immediately offering it to him.

"Awww for me? You didn't have t-" Chester said as he Coed mockingly , and reached in for the basket.

 You immediately snapped shut the Picnic Basket before his hand touched it 

"Not now! , it's a surprise , silly!" You smirked 

"Ow you almost cut off my hand!" He said in an exaggerated and pained expression as he held his own hand

You could only laugh as you took his hand and began leading him

 "I hope your hand isn't hurt enough for this then" You said while still holding his hand

"Ready for the date of your life? I'll  make sure to tag you if I take pics!" Chester began to trot in place while slightly pulling you motioning you for a "let's go!" , he was clearly excited to see all the sweets you brought!.

After walking for a bit , you finally made it to a comfy spot , just down the tree where the shade hit perfectly , where you two placed the picnic down in the floor and began accommodating the blankets

 , food and stuff.

"Now we're all settled!" You chirped happily as you sat down , patting a place for him to sit besides you

"Alrighty , coming down!" He tried to sit down but seated in an uncomfortable motion, there were also some noises that sounded like wrapping papers...

"You got something there?" You asked  curiously.

"Well...You thought only my bells made noise? , because!" He said as he lifted up one of his pants leg a bit , dropping tons of candy that were hidden in Chester's pants

"...You had those there the entire time?" You pointed at the fallen candy as you looked confused

"I mean...not the entire day! But I stole a few from Mandy!" Chester picked up some candy from the blanket as he began unwrapping it and throwing them to his mouth

"But if i gotta be honest , we probably don't want to tell her!" He whispered before backing up , still eating the candy with a smug look on his face.

You then continued chuckling as you grabbed the candy and began unwrapping and eating one by one , until you finally spoke again

"Got any more surprises"? You leaned in closer to his face , as he flushed red for a second before looking to the side and playing it off as a laugh.

"Only one" He looked to the floor as he then pointed up , as you lifted your view up , you could see a mistletoe hanging on a tree branch. 

You looked up for some seconds , before realizing what was he talking about and you began speaking

...

"Chester it's nowhere near christma-" before you could continue speaking , Chester planted a soft kiss in your lips , You got completely caught off guard as he did this , but soon enough you warmed up to it and leaned in to kiss him back , but unfortunately , the kiss was soon cut short as he leaned back and smiled to himself proudly , meanwhile you looked absolutely flustered and confused , but happy.

"Oh by the way you got a little something  on your face" He said smugly , before getting up and wiping off the dust of the floor off his pants 

"Sorry for the short time! It's probably best if I come back before Mandy makes confetti out of me... But it was good to see you though!" He blew a kiss at you ,  before trotting off again , still giggling to himself

As you saw him go , you noticed that his lips were tinted in a weird blueish-color ...was he wearing something?. 

You immediately took your phone  and searched for the camera as you remembered the "You got a little something" comment

And then you saw yourself with the same lipstick color smeared in your face , and as you tried to wipe it out...the color didn't even move.

You just continued staring at him as you saw him go , your face still red and thinking about him and the whole situation , before realizing you just got both charmed and pranked on the same day.

Now you guess you'll have to walk all around Starr park looking like a clown... But it was still a part of your wonderfully funny Jester boyfriend. 

[blooming-violets]

[tasm!peter x nameless she/her character] 

Summary: Unrequited love, heartbreak, and fear of the unknown. Every relationship can be seen through two different sets of eyes. Peter has his own memories of his best friend, his own story to share, and his own mistakes to make. (10K words) 

[The parallel fic to Dancing On My Own, please read that one first as this  heavily weaves through the original story, some parts towards the end might not make complete sense without it]

Warnings: Gwen’s death is a key part of Peter’s later personality, angst, depression, losing of one’s sense of self, mild PTSD flashbacks, guilt and self hatred, familial physical and verbal abuse of a minor, descriptions of potentially disturbing rough sex scenes bordering on the line between abuse and consent at the hands of Peter, brief murderous intent of a woman during sex 

[Dancing On My Own Spotify Playlist]

Second Grade: Over the Bar 

There was something so enticing about the way she would throw her head back on the swings. Her hair would flow out behind her and catch in the wind. She would lean her entire body back with her legs out straight. Her eyes would close and her face would relax into a blissful serenity. She was flying. He knew that’s what she imagined inside her mind whenever she got on the swings. Flying away from everything that shackled her to the real world. Once she told him that when she got high enough, she was going to let go, and soar all the way to Norway to visit the trolls that lived there. He wasn’t sure if trolls were real or imaginary but she believed in them so that meant Peter did too. She always loved her fantasy stories and he never got tired of listening to her talk about them.

Peter was afraid of her flying off without him. He didn’t want her to leave him behind so he climbed onto the adjacent swing. He backed up and tried to match his swinging pace with hers. He longed to be right by her side as she flew but, every time, they’d fall out of sync with each other. Peter could never keep up. She was too fast. Already higher than he was.

“Do you think I can swing around the bar?” She asked him. Her eyes opened and she gave him a lopsided smile every time their swings passed each other. Her two front teeth were missing. He thought it was funny because they hadn’t even been wiggly the day before they fell out. She told him that the tooth fairy stole them straight out of her mouth in the middle of the night. He didn’t think that was very fair. He always had to be stuck with an annoying, wiggly tooth for days before it came out. Hers got to come out by magic overnight. Apparently teeth coming out by magic also made her top lip get all swollen and bruised. It looked like it might hurt but she never complained. 

Peter nodded his head, admiring her toothless smile, “Of course! You can do anything.” It was true. He really believed she could do anything she wanted. He held her in such high regards. His best friend. His only friend. 

“Okay! Let’s try it.”

They both pumped their legs a little harder and moved their bodies in motion with the swings to get up as high as they could. Peter could feel the flurry of nerves in his stomach the higher he got. The slack in the chain would loosen at a certain height and gravity would pull him back down again. His knuckles were white with the death grip he had on the chains, so afraid that if he let go he’d fall and hurt himself. Meanwhile, she continued to toss her head back and laugh with a wild abandon. This is where she felt the most free and this was where he fell in love. 

She never made it over the bar.

Fourth Grade: The Broken Princess 

It had been a week since she was in school. Peter missed her. He’d wander aimlessly around the playground at recess, kicking stones, and making up conversations in his head that he’d have with her. Sometimes he’d forget they were supposed to stay in his head and he’d find himself talking out loud to no one. The other kids would mock him whenever they caught him mouthing the words to an imaginary conversation. Nerdy Peter Parker and his girlfriend were always the butt of their jokes. They sneered at the word “girlfriend” as if that was a bad thing. He’d have to control his anger when he heard them laughing. It was okay if they were laughing at him but he hated when they made fun of her. He had promised Aunt May and Uncle Ben that he wouldn’t get into any more fights. It was becoming a hard promise to keep. 

She was notorious for being absent from school but she’d never been out this long. He wondered what kind of sickness she had. She must be dying. That was the only explanation he could think of. She would die just like his parents had and he’d be all alone again. He decided that after school, he was going to go to her house to check. He’d never been inside her apartment building. She’d always come to play at his if they hung out. Uncle Ben had dropped her off at home before so Peter knew where it was. It shouldn’t be too hard to get there. He’d have to learn how to use the subway by himself eventually. This afternoon would be as good a time as any. He’d done it with Ben hundreds of times, he could figure it out on his own. 

By the time school was over, Peter had already rushed through his homework and burst through his front door, tossing his bag on the ground and shouting for May. 

She poked her head out of the kitchen and gave him a warm smile, “How was school?”

“I already did my homework!” He was out of breath from running all the way home. “Can I go out to play? I want to go to the skate park.” That was a lie. He didn’t like lying but sometimes it was necessary. 

May gave a little shrug and nodded, “I don’t see why not. I trust that you actually finished all your homework and aren’t lying to me?”

He eagerly nodded.

She gave him a doubtful look but let it slide, “Be home by 6, that’s when your uncle gets off work. We’re having meatball subs for dinner.” 

“Thank you! Love you! Bye!” He sprinted towards the front door.

“Peter!” She called after him. 

He skidded to a stop and poked his head back around the corner into the kitchen, “What?” 

May pointed her finger to his brand new skateboard sitting propped up against the living room couch, “Aren’t you forgetting something important for the skate park?” 

His face flushed crimson, already having forgotten his cover story, “Oh ya. Can’t do much without that.” 

“And bring a helmet, for heaven's sake. If I catch you riding that death trap without one, you will be in big trouble!”

-

Peter stood in front of her old, rundown apartment building. Her neighborhood scared him. It felt different when he was walking alone instead of sitting in the back of Uncle Ben’s car. He had kept his head down, the helmet dangling from his arm, and clutched his skateboard close to his chest. He was terrified of someone trying to steal it from him. The second he stepped out of the subway, he started to regret coming here. If Ben found out he lied to May about where he was going, Peter would be grounded for the rest of his life. Worse than that, he would have disappointed them. He never wanted to disappoint anyone. 

The front door to the building was propped open with a cinder block so he didn’t have to ring her unit to get inside. There was a hole shattered through the glass that resembled too similarly to a bullet hole for his liking. Peter shivered at the thought of his friend living here. This was not the fairy tale castle she liked to pretend she lived in. 

Peter quietly entered inside, his heart beating faster, like he was stepping into someplace he wasn’t allowed. The yellowed wallpaper was peeling off the walls and there were dark stains over the carpet. He didn’t want to inspect those too closely in case they were old blood stains. The air smelled thick with mildew. First floor, apartment 1F, he repeated in his head. Her wooden door was cracked with splinters. It looked like it had been painted a shade of a deep red once but was now faded and scuffed. He gave a quick knock, hoping it would be her who answered. 

It took a few moments before a man opened the door. He towered over Peter, taking up most of the door frame. He had a large, hairy pot belly that stuck out from under his wife beater shirt and a scraggly brown beard peppered with grays. Peter scrunched up his nose at the smell that hit him. He smelled heavily of cigarettes, sweat, and alcohol. The scent was so strong it was making his eyes water. He was fairly certain this must be her father. He couldn’t remember if she ever told him her dad’s name. 

“What do you want?” He spoke in a gruff, tired voice. 

Peter straightened up and smiled at him to cover his anxious fear, “Hi, I’m Peter. Can I come in to see your daughter? I’m her best friend. She hasn’t been at school for a while so I thought I could give her some homework that she missed.” The lie fell out of his mouth without thinking. He had nothing else on him besides his skateboard and helmet. It was obvious he wasn’t carrying any extra homework with him. 

Her father snorted, letting out a loud cough without covering his mouth. Specs of foul smelling spit showered down over Peter. He did his best not to flinch or grimace.

“Hell no. She knows she’s not allowed to hang out with boys. Don’t want her getting knocked up early like her momma. She don’t need no homework, anyway. She’s too dumb for that shit. What’s the point of even sendin’ her to school, ya know? Waste of damn time. Git outta ‘ere kid and don’t fucking come back.”

From under the man’s right arm, Peter saw her peek her head around the hallway to see who was at the door. Her eyes lit up when she saw him. On her arm was a large, bent, white cast that went from her wrist all the way up to her shoulder. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her. She was alive. She wasn’t dead. Relief flooded through his chest. 

Her father must have seen his attention diverted and he glanced behind him, letting out a booming yell, making them both jump, “Get back to your room! I didn’t say you could come out! When are you goin’ to learn to fuckin’ listen, you dumb bitch?” 

She ducked back into the hallway, out of sight, and the door was immediately slammed shut in Peter’s face. He stared at the cracking paint as a long breath of air exhaled through his lips. He hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath the entire time. Something about her dad made his palms feel clammy and his stomach feel sick. He immediately hated that man. All it took was a fifty second conversation for Peter to make up his mind. That man wasn’t anything like Uncle Ben or the vague memories of his own father. That was a bad man. No one had to tell him, he could feel it. A very bad man. 

He wanted to run home and cry to his uncle. He wanted to tell him about how this man spoke to his friend. He wanted to tell him that he was hurting her. He wanted Ben to know so he could fix it. 

But then he would know that Peter lied to May. He would be in trouble. 

What if Uncle Ben came to this house? What if he met her father? What would her father do to him? What if he hurt him like he hurt her? What if he killed him? He didn’t want Ben to die. 

His stomach ached. 

She liked to make up stories about the big, bad giant that would keep the princess hostage in his tower. He would lock her up and throw away the key. Sometimes the giant would hurt the princess whenever he was angry. Peter would always play as the knight who came and rescued her. He would save the princess from any giant that wanted to take her away. This afternoon, as he stood staring at her closed door, the skateboard clutched in his hands turned into a sword. He would bash down the door, stab the giant through the heart, and steal his princess back to safety. In his mind, he was the hero who saved her. In reality, he swallowed the lump in his throat, a heavy pit settling in his stomach, and he shuffled back out the door without another word about what he witnessed. 

He was starting to think that maybe her stories weren’t all make believe after all.

Sixth Grade: Star Gazing

“That’s the Big Dipper right there!” She pointed up above them.

They were sitting in his driveway on the hood of Uncle Ben's mustard colored Oldsmobile and reclining back against his bug splattered windshield. Night had fallen around them and a handful of dull stars blossomed up to speckle the navy blue sky. 

“Or maybe it’s the Little Dipper. I can never remember which one is which.” 

Peter didn’t think there were actually enough stars visible to be able to point out a constellation but he didn’t dare correct her. For all he knew, her vision was far superior to his. Besides, he liked to hear her talk. She doesn't talk very much these days. He missed the sound of her voice. 

“The Big Dipper isn’t even the full constellation,” she went on to tell him. “It’s actually part of Ursa Major, which is a big bear.” 

He noticed her interest in the stars had peeked this year. He wondered if it had anything to do with her desire to fly away. When she looked up in the night sky, did she wish to find a new home hidden amongst the stars? 

Peter wanted to please her. He wanted to make her happy. 

“I have an idea,” he whispered with enthusiasm, hoping she would appreciate it. “Let’s each pick a star and name it after ourselves. We can make our own constellations out of it.” 

He heard her give a quick inhale. It was the most excitement she would allow herself to show but he knew it meant that she loved his idea. Pride swelled in his chest. 

“I choose that one,” she pointed, without hesitation, up to a pin prick of light hovering above a tree branch. There weren’t many stars to choose from but it didn’t matter. She found the one she wanted. “That’s my star. It’s the tip of the nose to a dragon. Big and strong. She blows fire out of her mouth at anyone who tries to mess with her. She’s not afraid of anything or anyone.” 

Peter had the sudden itch to reach over and hold her hand. The tip of his pinky finger brushed up next to hers, subtle enough to seem like an accident, but he knew the truth. When she didn’t pull away, he kept his hand resting there.

“I’ll pick that one,” he gestured to a random, faint star near the one she chose, with the hand not begging to be held. “It will make a castle constellation. Big enough for the dragon to come inside whenever she needs to rest. Maybe it can be her home. That way me and you can live together in the stars forever.” 

From the corner of his eye, he saw her smile. 

“I like that idea.”

Seventh Grade: Cotton Candy Crushes 

“Hurry up!” Peter yelled over his shoulder as she trailed behind him. 

Her thirteenth birthday was supposed to be special. She was finally a teenager and leaving childhood behind. At least, that’s what Uncle Ben told him a month before on Peter’s own thirteenth birthday. It was supposed to be special because it meant they were finally growing up. He didn’t feel very grown up but he liked to pretend. Part of pretending to be a responsible teenager was planning her entire party for her. He knew if he didn’t do it then she wouldn’t get one. Both his aunt and uncle were in attendance as he led the three stragglers down the pier straight towards Coney Island. It was a small group to celebrate but he knew she wouldn’t want anyone else beside them there. His family was her family and everyone wanted to celebrate her. They didn’t have any other friends anyway. 

“We’re coming, Peter! Not everyone has the same amount of energy as you. Some of us are getting old,” Ben chuckled, his arm wrapped around May’s shoulders, as they brought up the rear. 

Peter slowed his pace only long enough to allow her to catch up and then kept in stride beside her. She had a growth spurt earlier this year. Now she was about a head taller than he was. It made him nervous because he was afraid she wouldn’t like him anymore if he stayed short. Despite his aunt’s assurance that girls often started puberty faster than boys, he was certain he was destined to stay at this height forever. 

He also took notice that she started growing in other places. He tried his best not to stare at her chest when they were together but sometimes he couldn’t help it. It was like he would go into a trance and not be able to pull his eyes away. Even with a face full of acne, she was the most beautiful girl he ever saw. 

She glanced down at him and stuffed her hands deeper into her sweatshirt sleeves. Her shoulders hunched in embarrassment. 

“What? Is there something on my face?” She quickly rubbed her hand over her mouth as if she was worried she missed some leftover tooth paste. 

Peter’s ears turned red, “No! You look great! I mean…you look fine…not fine but you look…normal…like you normally do…which is good…” 

She grabbed her hood and flopped it over her head, pulling the strings tight to encase her face, clearly embarrassed, “Stop looking at me then. I didn’t say you could look at me.” 

He immediately turned his eyes straight ahead, “Sorry. I wasn’t looking. Well, I was, but I don’t know why.” He quickly changed the subject, dragging Ben into the awkward conversation as an attempt to save himself from drowning any further. “Are you going to go on any rides, Uncle Ben?” 

He smiled, “I think I might convince your aunt to get on the carousel with me. We can pretend we’re kids again.” 

May shook her head, “I don’t know about that. I don’t think I can spin like I used to.” 

“It goes so slow though. You’ll be fine,” Peter chimed in. As he spoke, he kept his friend locked in the side of his gaze. Her shoulders had relaxed once more and the sides of her lips twitched into a tiny smile. He let out a soft sigh of relief for navigating them out of whatever weird, uncomfortable banter they had fallen to. He felt like that was happening a lot more lately. 

“Let’s go on the swings first!” It was the real reason he wanted to bring her here. Her childhood days of losing herself on the swingset were behind them but he knew she would appreciate that feeling of flying once more. He had this vision of her tilting her head back, hair flying in the gust of the wind behind her, as she closed her eyes and let her mind fly free. Peter wanted to give her every bit of comfort he could, especially today. It was her birthday and she deserved to get lost in it. 

Swings, carousels, tilt-a-whirl, wooden coasters, overpriced carnival games, junk food, and many laughs. 

His heart even nearly gave out when she reached for his hand during the drop of the coaster. Her palms were sweaty and she fit so nicely locked in his grasp. He wanted to protect her. Wrap an arm around her. Keep her forever. Tell her how much he adored her. He held on tightly to her hand until she took notice and quickly pulled back, placing them on the bar instead. 

Now, as they sat with their shoes off and feet buried in the sand next to the pier, watching the sunset, Peter passed her his stick of pink, fluffy cotton candy. She plucked off a piece and stuffed it in her mouth, giggling at how it stuck to her lips. 

He loved her. He didn’t care if he was too young to understand what love meant. He loved her. 

When she took her eyes off the sunset to stare back at him, instead of becoming flustered like earlier in the day, she only smiled back. Pink coated, sugary lips as sweet as her. 

He wanted to kiss her. 

But the fear of rejection was too strong. 

He stuck out his tongue to tease her and snatched back his cotton candy, the moment lost to time.

High School - Sophomore Year: Not Today

Gwen Stacey. 

The girl of his dreams. 

She was beautiful, intelligent, kind and quick witted. Her 70’s chic style of clothing was unlike anyone else in the school. She didn’t care what others thought of her. She was strong and confident. She was perfect. That’s how he would describe her to anyone who asked. Perfection. 

“You’re staring again, dumbass.” 

The familiar snarky tone broke through his daydreams. 

He pulled his sights away from the golden haired beauty sitting across the lunch room and turned them onto a different one instead. 

Then there was her. 

She wasn’t perfect. Far from it. She was broken. Sullen. Quiet. She never spoke to anyone else besides him. Never even tried to make other friends. But she was just as intelligent as Gwen. Smart but sad. He noticed that more and more. As the years went on, she lost more of the spark in her eyes. She retreated further into herself. Away from him. Away from everyone. 

He sensed jealousy in her tone whenever he talked about his crush on Gwen. She was afraid to lose him. Afraid that he would leave her behind on her own. Without him, she would have no one. He knew that. 

Peter forced a tired smile, lying, “I wasn’t staring.” 

He used to stare at her that way when they were younger. Funny how time works. He didn’t see her like that anymore. Not really. Her personality shift since entering high school helped push his sights onto someone new. He missed who used to be before she walled herself in and blocked him out. 

“Whatever you say, fuckin’ lover boy,” she rolled her eyes, giving him a scowl. She felt meaner than usual today. Irritated. On edge.

He wondered if something had happened. He had stopped asking about her home life years ago. It was a lost cause. He knew she was getting bullied at school, probably at home too. There were a myriad of reasons for her bad attitude. 

He chose not to dig deeper. 

She needed an outlet but he didn’t want to give her one. Not today. He was feeling meaner than usual, too. 

Peter turned his gaze back to Gwen. 

She was easier to look at. Softer. Happier. When he saw her, he didn’t have to see the years worth of baggage dragging behind her. There was just her and nothing else but his fantasies. 

Perfection.

High School - Junior Year: Spider Bite

His body hurt. 

Fire. He felt like liquid lava raged through his veins. His skin was clammy. Sweaty. His lungs constricted in agony with each breath. He could hear everything. Feel everything. Every hair was standing at attention. Every alarm in his head set off at once, alerting himself to dangers he couldn’t even see. Dangers he didn’t think were actually even there. Like having a panic attack for no apparent reason. 

His body was eating him alive and, yet, he never felt stronger in his life. 

The door to his bathroom lay propped up against his wall after he had accidentally ripped it from the hinges. 

He sat perfectly still on his bed. Terrified to move. 

There was a fluttering sound. Tiny, soft wings against a glass panel. Each smack of the wings reverberated like church bells inside his skull. A moth was stuck inside his room, trying to get out, trying to escape. He could hear it from his place on the bed. He could hear the flap of a moth’s wings. That was not normal. 

Something was wrong. 

He was sick. 

He needed…a doctor…a scientist…an arachnologist…

His best friend. He needed his best friend. 

Peter grabbed his jacket, getting it stuck to his fingers - why was everything so sticky? - as he tried to pry it from his grasp and onto his body instead. 

He hadn’t been inside her apartment building since he was a kid. She never invited him. Sometimes he would walk her home but he stayed on the street corner until he saw her disappear inside. She moved apartments a few times but still remained inside the same building. He couldn’t remember which one she was in now. He knew she was back on the first floor though. That would be enough. Something told him that he would be able to find her regardless of his lack of knowledge. 

Every sound of passing cars felt like his ear drums were being shattered. He could hear muffled conversations from people too far away. He could feel every drop of humidity on his skin. The putrid stench of garbage left on the street clawed up his nostrils. The smells, the sounds, the heat boiling inside his body was too much. Hot tears pricked at his eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. The world was closing in. He couldn’t breathe. His throat constricted. His vision blurred. He was floating away. Getting lost in the overwhelming sensations of the city. 

Then he smelled it. 

Her body lotion. 

The faint smell of coconut as she applied it to her skin. 

From an entire block away. 

Peter picked up the pace until he was nearly sprinting towards the smell. He didn’t need to know which apartment was hers. It didn’t matter. He could hear her inside. Her steady heart beat. Her soft breaths. He’d never felt her so viscerally before. It felt like she was merging with his every cell. Drawing him closer. Calling him to her. 

His safety. Everything would be okay once he was with her. Everything would make sense again. She would know what to do. She always did. 

The tears streamed freely down his face as he turned the corner, down the alley, to the back of her building. She was three windows in. Metal bars fixed over every window on the first floor. Her own little prison cell. He could smell the thick odor of rust as he grabbed the bars in his fist, ripping them straight from her window with little effort. He heard her gasp. No screams. Just a shocked inhale. She never screamed. Never showed her fear. She kept it bottled up inside the safety of her chest. 

The rapid quiver of her beating heart slowed when she saw his face appear through the grimy glass. Her eyes were wide with shock. Confusion. He didn’t care. Peter pushed the window open. It had probably never been opened in its life, painted over countless times, but he forced it to bend to his will. He crawled through. Head first. Tumbled onto the floor in a heap. 

And then she was there. 

He was lying at her feet. Curled up tight. Tears spilling down his flushed cheeks. Jittery uncertainty behind fearful, honey colored eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. A scared, little boy seeking the comfort of a life long friend. 

She fell to her knees in front of him, ignoring the fact that he had just ripped metal bars from the bricks, and gathered him to her chest like a mother protecting her young. She didn’t need to know what was wrong. She didn’t need an explanation. All she knew was that he needed her. She held him tightly, there on the floor, under her broken window. 

He relaxed into the safety of her grasp. Ragged, husky sobs shaking his body. It would be okay. Everything would be okay now. They could figure this out. Whatever this was. Together. 

Even as he thought it, she whispered the words to reassure him. To make sure he knew.

“It’s okay, Pete. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You’re okay. I have you.”

A Week Before She Left: Nothing but Death

Gwen Stacy was dead. 

George Stacy was dead. 

Uncle Ben was dead. 

He couldn’t save anyone. There was nothing. Nothing but grief. Nothing but hate. His heart had turned cold. Empty. Shriveled. 

He looked down at the letter clutched in his hands. May had taken it from her as an act of courtesy and slid it under his bedroom door. 

Pete, 

You can find me at the Empire State Uni off campus apartment housing. Building 5. Room 212. I’ve got two roommates but I have my own bedroom. 

My window will always be unlocked for you if you ever need me.

Come find me when you’re ready.

Love,

Your Fire Breathing Dragon

She kept knocking at his front door. Day after day. Kept trying to come inside. Kept trying to get him. He wouldn’t let her. Couldn’t. He refused to let anyone else die. 

He was no knight in shining armor riding into an imaginary battle with his dragon. He wasn’t someone who could save her. He wasn’t her friend. Not anymore. The boy she knew was gone. 

He was a murderer. A killer. 

He wouldn’t kill her. The best thing for her was for him to disappear. Erase himself from her life. Fade away in the darkness where he belonged. 

He crumbled the letter in his fist, letting it fall to the floor by his feet, along with the shredded dreams of his future.

Eight Months Since She Left: A Decaying Corpse 

How many slutty blondes could Peter Parker fuck in a single week? 

Eleven. That was his current score. Last night he had two at once. He buried his face between one’s thighs while the other sucked him off. No one tasted as good as Gwen. No one looked as beautiful naked. No one could ever come close. 

Except for maybe one. 

Peter pushed that thought out of his brain as quickly as it entered. She was gone. They both were. She died along with Gwen. That’s how he tried to frame it in his head. Somehow it was easier to accept. If he killed her off in his heart then he wouldn’t be tempted to find her. He couldn’t follow the dead. 

No matter how badly he tried. 

These women he surrounded himself with were nothing but a distraction. Half the time he couldn’t even finish. He could fuck them until they couldn’t stand but rarely found his own satisfaction in it. That was how he liked it. The more rough they let him be, the better. A sadistic side to him had formed these past few months. Part of him wanted to hurt them. Truly hurt them. They meant nothing to him. He liked to see how far he could push them, how hard he could slap them, how loud he could make them shriek before it became too much for them to handle. He wanted to push them past the limits they thought they had to show them how much they could really take. A test of their strength, of their will to live, how far they could go before tapping out. 

Once he choked a woman so tightly, he almost couldn’t stop. For a moment he wanted to feel his fingernails break through the barrier of her delicate skin and sink into the viscera of her insides. He wanted to tear her vocal chords from her neck. He wanted to feel her blood soaking into his skin. He wanted to kill her. She didn’t deserve to live. Why did she get to live while Gwen had to die? What did she do to deserve this life? 

It had taken everything in him to pull back. Before she could even fully catch her breath again, he was gone. Naked. Lost into the night. Didn’t even stop to grab his clothes. 

He didn’t know the person he had become. 

He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t sleeping. 

He had killed more bad guys this month than the month before. His body count was rapidly rising. It didn't matter what they did. Rapists, killers, and bank robbers were all the same in his eyes. No crime was less than the one before. They all got the finality of death. He didn’t care. The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man no longer existed. He died along with the old Peter. If the police thought he was a menace before, he was now actively wanted. A warrant was out for the arrest of the Spider-Man. Had been for some time. They would never catch him, of course. He’d snatch their life from them before he let anyone take him in. It wouldn’t be the first time he had a cop’s blood on his hands. 

A vigilante turned villain. 

A decaying corpse of the man he once was.

Nine Months Since She Left: We’re All Dead

“Where the hell have you been?” 

May sat in the dark at the kitchen table. It was 3am. She was still awake. She usually never waited up for him anymore. He thought she had stopped asking questions months ago. 

Peter stood in loose fitting, dirty clothes. Fresh blood dripped down his chin from his split open lip. His right eye was starting to swell shut. He refused to look at her as he gave a half-hearted shrug. 

“Out.” 

“Out? It is three in the goddamn morning, Peter!” Her voice was shrill. She was masking her fear for him with anger. “This is the fifth time this week you have disappeared like this. Do you understand how worried I get? You come crawling home every night covered in more bruises than I keep track of. Where are you going? What are you doing? Who is doing this to you?” 

He swallowed. His throat felt dry. He wished he could feel the familiar pang of guilt he used to feel whenever he would upset May. Instead, he felt nothing because there was nothing. He was nothing. A corpse. 

“I said I was out. I’m not a child anymore. You don’t need to wait up. I can take care of myself.” 

He pushed past her towards the stairs, making the climb to his bedroom. She followed closely behind him. 

“You think you can take care of yourself? Look at you, Peter! You are wasting away into nothing! I can’t find you behind your eyes anymore. It’s like there is nothing left inside of you. You need help. Let me help you, please. I can’t keep sitting around watching you slowly kill yourself. I can’t lose you, too. You are my boy and I refuse to let you continue down this path.” 

An angry beast raged inside his chest as he stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to growl in her face, “I am not your boy! I am not your son! My parents are dead with the rest of everyone else I ever gave a shit about! Ben is dead. Gwen is dead. You’re dead.” His eyes fell to an old picture of his friend hanging on his bedroom wall. They were kids. Smiling with arms wrapped each other’s necks. “She’s dead. I’m dead. Everyone is dead, May. Don’t you understand? Everyone is dead and there’s nothing left. I have no one! I am nothing. I don’t exist.” His bottom lip quivered but no tears formed. He had lost the ability to cry long ago. 

Her face broke in anguish, “Oh, honey.” Her voice was nothing more than a hushed whisper. “Oh, Peter.” She tried to wrap him up in an embrace but he pulled back. 

He shook his head, looking at her through pained, dead eyes, “I think it would be best if I moved out.” 

He closed the door in her face before she could reply.

-

“Peter?” 

He didn’t remember coming here. 

After his run in with May, he had started emptying out his drawers. He hadn’t known what he was looking for. Probably nothing. He just needed to be doing something. Anything. He had thrown his dresser drawers open and flung out his clothes. They lay scattered at his feet. Papers from his desk slowly fluttered back to the ground as he tossed them over his shoulder. A tantrum. That’s what he was reduced to. A tantrum where he needed to destroy everything he touched. 

And then her crumbled letter was somehow in his hand. His last contact with her. He didn’t even know he had kept it. 

You can find me at the Empire State Uni off campus apartment housing. Building 5. Room 212. 

His safety. His best friend. He had abandoned her. She wasn’t dead, just forgotten. He had killed her in his mind to make the separation easier. He was protecting her. He was keeping her safe. He didn’t want her to die. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t bury another person he loved. 

My window will always be unlocked for you if you ever need me.

“Peter?”

He blinked, his mask was on. He was in his Spider suit. He didn’t remember putting it on. He didn’t remember how he got here.

Come find me when you’re ready.

He reached up to pull the mask from his head. His eyes bore into her. He wasn’t sure if she was real or not. He couldn’t feel her living inside his senses like he used. They had become so dull since Gwen died.

“What are you doing here?” She looked nervous like she was encountering a ghost. 

Maybe she was.

His voice felt like a distant echo in his ears as he spoke, “I didn’t know where else to go.”

Summer: Why? 

Her roommates hated him. 

He could hear them constantly bitching about his presence through the walls. He was a dark cloud of depression hanging over their apartment. 

It only got worse after he fucked them. Not at the same time. Separate occasions. He thought it might shut them up for a bit but, once they found out he was sleeping with them both, all hell broke loose. 

They were screaming at each in the next room. 

Somehow she had gotten involved in the mess, too. He hadn’t intended for that but there was no stopping it now. They were yelling at her for letting him live here without paying rent. He didn’t even go to their school. They felt betrayed and used and they weren’t wrong. A man whore. That’s what they were currently calling him. 

A malicious smile grew across his lips as he laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. He liked the chaos that he caused. He wanted her roommates gone. Peter knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted her for himself. All they did was complain anyway. They never liked her. They made fun of her behind her back. They didn’t like her anymore than they liked him. 

Once they were gone it would all be okay again. 

They could go back to how things used to be. Just the two of them against the world. Two kids, with no other friends, clinging to each other as tight as they could. 

Her bedroom door opened. Her eyes were puffy. She was trying not to cry. For the first time in a long time, he felt the sharp slashing of guilt slice through his heart. An overwhelming sadness washed over him. It had been so long since he felt anything besides anger or bitterness. His jaw clenched as he sat up, mulling over the new emotions bubbling under his skin.   

“Why did you do that? Why are you doing this?” She asked weakly. 

Why am I taking advantage of your kindness by having you house me for free? Why am I letting you take care of me without giving you anything in return? Why am I sleeping with your roommates? Why am I sleeping with them instead of you? Why am I torturing you like this?

“I…I don’t know,” he replied. 

He knew how she felt about him. He could see it in her eyes. He knew that look. He’d seen it in Gwen’s eyes once upon a time. She loved him. More than a friend. More than family. 

Maybe she always had. 

He’d always loved her. Even when he loved Gwen. 

He couldn’t love her though. Not like she deserved. That part of him was gone. 

She sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes, a steady resolve settling over her, “They’re pulling out of our student housing next semester. I’m not going to have anyone to live with. You need to enroll in the school. It’ll qualify you for housing. We can move in together. I want to see it done by next week or else I’m done. I can’t do this, Peter. I took care of you all summer. You hardly speak to me, you don’t look at me, you give me nothing. I do everything for you because I know you’re hurting but this is enough. Enroll in the school, Pete. Get your life together. Try and make something of yourself. It’s time.”

Early Fall: Triggers

School was easy. It always has been. This was no different. He understood the lessons and could pass the tests, he merely struggled to attend the classes or pay attention. No one seemed to mind too much as long as he was passing. He wasn’t doing this for him. He was doing it for her. 

Little by little his feelings started to unthaw from their frozen state. College gave him a taste of normalcy back. There was a schedule to follow, whether he chose to or not. There was food always available and safe places to find silence when he needed to. He hadn’t spoken to May since he left but he kept telling himself one of these days he would reach out. 

He was trying to mend what shred of friendship he had left. She was very forgiving of him despite everything he put her through. Every day he saw the love in her eyes grow stronger. It scared him. Two steps forward, one step back. He wanted to keep her close but still hold her at arm's length. She couldn’t love him. He wasn’t ready for that. 

He would keep their conversations based on easier things. School work, Spider-Man, any lighthearted topics that involve little effort. Spider-Man was getting back to his old self, too. Peter hadn’t killed anyone since he found his way back to her, inadvertently or not. She was building new gadgets for him. Part of him felt like he was back in high school, popping by her bedroom window for a drink of water before swinging back into the night. It was nice. Familiar. 

Tonight she sat cross-legged on the couch, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in her hand, as she watched Hook. 

“I haven’t seen this movie since I was a kid,” he lamented. 

Peter hopped over to her and plopped down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She happily snuggled into his side. It felt right having her there. She scooped up a spoonful of the chocolate chip cookie dough and held it up to his mouth which he gladly accepted. 

“Do you ‘member what you asked the first time we met?” He asked her through his mouthful of ice cream. 

She frowned, trying to remember. The top of her nose wrinkled in concentration then relaxed, shaking her head, “No idea. I was, like, six years old or something. How do you remember that?” 

He smiled down at her, “You asked me if I was named after Peter Pan.” 

“Sounds like something a child would ask. He was the only other Peter I knew.” 

He nodded, pondering it over, “I told you that I wasn’t because I couldn’t fly.” 

“Look at you now,” she laughed. “I think swinging through the city is the closest you’ll ever come to flying. You almost got there.” 

His smile faded, only part of her words still ringing in his ears while the rest was drowned out. Look at him now. Look at him. Who was he? Nobody. Who did he want to be? Nothing.  Why was he alive? Because he was too weak to take his own life. What was his purpose? There wasn’t one. What was he doing here? Hurting her. 

He was hurting her. His abilities to feel proper emotions were still miniscule. They weren’t thawing out as fast as he would have liked. He was still cold too. Too mean. Too selfish. His mere presence in her life would only ever drag her down. 

Rufio was fighting Captain Hook. Going one on one with their world’s most dangerous pirate. Too cocky for his own good. Too young for the responsibility he was given. The Lost Boys looked to Rufio when Pan left them. He was placed in charge. He was given too much power, too young. Got too full of himself. Thought he could defeat the evil without any consequences. It would be his downfall. 

Peter’s eyes stayed trained onto the television, utterly absorbed in the story playing out before him. His own emotions started to spiral. He could feel the panic rising up his throat. Snuffing out his air. He knew what was coming next. He knew how this story ended. 

“Lookie, lookie, I got Hookie.”

His eyes slipped close. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t watch the sword pierced through his chest. 

“Do you know what I wish? I wish I had a dad like you.” 

He wished he could turn back time. He wished he could have been faster. Stronger. Better. 

Pan held Rufio in his arms as the young boy died, the life fading from his eyes, just like he had held Gwen. Forever young. Frozen in time. 

Even the giant clock lodged between the crocodile’s toothy jaws reminded him of her final moments. Tick…tick…tick…her time was lost. 

Peter blinked through half spaced out eyes, straightening up, and removed his arm from around her shoulders. They shouldn’t be cuddling like this. This was how couples sat. This was how he used to sit with Gwen. He was giving her the wrong impression. He wasn’t helping her. He was being a bad friend. Always hurting her. 

“You okay?” She glanced between the scene playing and himself. She could sense his coldness settling back in around them. 

He gave a stiff nod, forcing a half smile, “Yeah. I’m alright. I think I’m going to go out for a bit. I’ll see ya later, yeah?” 

He needed to find someone. A blonde. Someone skinny with a pretty face. He needed to find them and dominate them. He needed them screaming so loud as he relentlessly pounded into them that she would hear. He had to show her that he wasn’t interested. He had to crush her love. That love would only lead to death. He couldn’t do that again. He wouldn’t bury her. He wouldn’t. Not to her. Never her. 

Late Fall: A New Seed

It worked. Whatever depression fueled scheme he had come up with to stop her from loving him, it was working, he was fairly certain. She seemed distant. He knew he was breaking her but he couldn’t stop. It had to be this way. How could he ever love someone again? It would shatter him in two if he even dared to entertain the idea. The further he pushed her away, the more she overtook his thoughts. 

Every time he plunged into a woman, he pretended it was her. Every late night session with his right hand was fueled by his desires for her. Every time he closed his eyes to sleep, she was the subject of his dreams. He breathed her in with every breath he took. 

She was so beautiful. 

She always had been but, the more she matured into an adult, the more in sync everything felt on her face. It was like she fell perfectly into place. 

Sometimes when he looked at her, he felt like he was eight years olds again, falling in love with her on the swings. 

The object of his desires. The one he wanted. The one he refused to reach out for time and time again. Only this time he wasn’t afraid of being rejected from a kiss. He was afraid of death. Afraid of the pain that would follow. 

His whole life she had been his. She never had anyone else. He never had to share. He made her have to share him but never the other way around.

Until now. 

It was only a matter of time until someone finally saw her the way he did. He was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. The guy seemed nice enough. She lit up when he looked at her. A tiny spark of fire blazed behind her eyes with each word she spoke to him. There was something there. A seed being planted. One that could grow if she let it. He planted a seed and started to nurture it with someone else once. She should be able to do the same. 

Gabe. 

Gwen. 

This was what she deserved. To be loved by a nice man. Someone who would cherish her. Someone to see her potential. Someone to care about her. 

Someone with the ability to love. Anyone but Peter would do, he couldn’t give her what she needed. 

Then why couldn’t he stay away? 

He saw them together and his heart screamed out. His skin seared with heated inferno. Green with envy. 

Gabe. Gwen. Gwen. Gabe. Their faces flashed rapidly before his blurred vision. Gabe. Gwen. Gabe. Gwen. GabeGwenGabeGwenGwenGwen -

Her. 

He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. He couldn’t watch her disappear from him with another man. Is that how she felt all those years ago as he fixated on Gwen in the lunch room instead of her? Is this what her heart felt like when she looked at him? No wonder why she used to be so fucking mean. If her heart felt anything close to what he currently felt, it was a miracle she was able to keep herself so composed. 

Drawn to her like a magnet, he couldn’t control himself. He had to follow them. It wasn’t an option. His feet carried him straight to the shadows of the underpass. 

Gabe didn’t know her like he did. He didn’t play make believe with her. He didn’t pass notes with her in class. He didn’t devote his life to being her best friend. He didn’t know about her father or how she grew up. He never had to kill her off in his mind to even bear the thought of letting her go. They never manifested themselves into constellations so they could live together, forever, amongst the stars. 

He wasn’t there like Peter was. Peter knew her. Every part of her. So deeply. 

They were kissing. He was kissing her. She was kissing him back. 

The earth crumbled under his feet. 

He should be able to let her go. This was what he was trying to do. This was exactly why he was trying to push her away. This was his stupid plan. He had wanted her to move on. Anyone but him. Anyone…

Then why couldn’t he stop himself?

Like a jealous, angry, cocky boy given too much power before he was ready to fully bear the weight of it, he had tased her date and got him sent away in an ambulance. 

Just like that he was gone. 

Disappeared from their lives as quickly as he came in. 

Nothing but the two of them now. 

Like it always had been. Like it always will be. 

She was furious. Livid. But, worst of all, she was heartbroken. Completely and wholly heartbroken. 

“He made me feel special. He looked at me like I was beautiful. Why couldn’t you let me have that? Just once. Just once I wanted to feel like someone could love me. You gotta have that so why couldn’t I?” 

She was beautiful even through her pain. 

The city lights reflected off the water beside them and bounced back up onto her face. They glinted like tiny sparkles off the tears in her eyes. 

He hurt her. 

He broke her heart. 

His best friend. 

His only friend. 

Peter closed his eyes, letting her words wash over him and absorb into his pores. She had never once felt beautiful before tonight. How he had failed her. All these years she had looked in the mirror and never saw what he did. All these years he had loved her and never dared to say it. She was right there in front of him and he had chosen someone else. Loved someone else. He was the one who broke her. The one who abandoned her. The one who exploited her generosity and friendship. 

What had he become? 

He let himself die with Gwen when he should have kept living for the person who needed him most. 

“I love you,” the words he spoke were hardly above a whisper. 

They fell from his lips with a raw honesty he wasn’t used to. Pained like it hurt to physically say them. 

He loved her. Always. 

Even still, she couldn’t comprehend how true his words were. That’s how deeply he had failed her. 

“No. You’re not hearing me.” He reached for her then. He couldn’t stop himself. The emotions were too strong. He touched her cheek. Softly turning her face towards him, “I love you. I’ve loved you since the day you fell off those monkey bars in the first grade. I just…it was just too much. I was scared if it didn’t work out then I would lose you from my life forever. I’d rather keep you as my friend where you’re safe with me forever. But after Gw-” He still couldn’t say her name out loud. His heart stung. “-after everything, I don’t want to have anymore what ifs or what could have been. I saw you with that guy and it made me realize. Everything snapped into place. I love you. I don't want you to be with someone else. I want you to be with me.”

She was kissing him. 

Her lips were chilly. Soft. Her tongue warm and wet. A perfect blend to awake his senses. He felt alive. For the first time since allowing parts of him to perish, he was reborn. Awake. Whole. 

His arms were around her waist. Drawing her closer. He could smell the soft, lingering scent of coconut on her skin. The smell was as familiar to him as May’s light, floral perfume and the musty backseat of Ben’s Oldsmobile. One he could never forget. His home. His childhood. His everything. 

He loved her. 

He wanted her. 

He…

Gwen’s face exploded into vibrant color behind his eyes. 

…couldn’t do this. 

Peter gently pulled away. 

Her fist was balled up in her sleeve and pressed against the infamous spider symbol on his chest. Her eyes fluttered open. They gazed up at him with years of unexpressed love. She was too pure. Too good.

He gave her a sad smile, “I’ve thought you were beautiful my entire life. I’m sorry I never told you sooner. I should have told you every single day. But…this…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing himself. “I’m a broken man. I’m not okay. I’m not done healing. I don’t even think I’ve started. What I did tonight proves that. You are the most special person in my life. I’m sorry I keep hurting you. My head, it's…it’s not right…after everything…I’ve done terrible things. Things you deserve to know about before you choose me. I can’t steal you away like this. You deserve to make the choice yourself. After you know everything. When I’m done, whatever you want, I’ll do it. If you want me to drop you off at the hospital to see Gabe, I’ll do it. If you want to never see me again, I’ll go. If you want to keep me, I’ll stay. Everything is in your hands. It’s where it belongs.” 

She stayed silent. Listening. Processing. 

And nodded. 

-

There’s no good way to tell the person he loves about all the people he’s killed. It didn’t matter if they were bad guys, he was no better than them, he killed them quick and swift before the cops could arrive. There had been no more cute notes stuck to a webbed up, squirming criminal. Instead, all they’d arrive to was a bloody, broken, still warm corpse. If they were dead, there was no chance they could ever hurt anyone again. There was no more chance of anyone innocent crossing paths with the danger they brought. He gave them no chance for redemption and he felt no guilt for them or their lost lives. 

He couldn’t look her in the eyes when talking about the sexual abuse he inflicted on his sex partners. Most of the time they asked for it, agreed to it, but there were times when he went too far. Times they weren’t always asking to be slapped around that hard. Times he had lost himself. Times he wished they were dead. For them, he felt guilt. A deep-seated cavern full of it. He’d rather be ripped apart, limb by limb, than explain in detail how far he fell after Gwen’s death and witness the horror etched into her features. 

But he did it.

Because she deserved to hear it. All of it. Every dark monster lurking deep behind his closet door. He ripped open his chest and presented her his bloodied, broken heart without anything to hide behind. 

She cried. He cried. The tears felt foreign in his eyes but she had held his hand and he willed them to fall. It was a mess but they came out the other end more in sync than when they entered. 

A start.

A new seed being planted in fresh, overturned soil. 

The love was there. Nervous and shy, hiding behind their legs like a scared child. It needed time to grow, to blossom, before it was ready to stand on its own. 

It was decided that Peter needed to focus on himself first. A relationship now would be too fragile. There was no foundation for them to build on if Peter was broken and cracked. 

The anger couldn’t go away overnight. The shame and guilt lived on too strong to allow for much else. He’d have to pick away at the vines wrapped tight around his castle walls if he’d ever want to create a warm home for her to curl up inside. 

Their conversation lasted all night. They hadn’t moved from their spot standing above the river. He stood directly over the place he had tased a man simply because he saw her kissing someone who wasn’t him. They hadn’t moved an inch. Night turned into day. Dark to light. The early morning work folk started to take to the streets. No one looked twice at the maskless Spider-Man leaning against the railing, dried tears on his face, next to the girl of his dreams. It was too early for anyone to care. 

They watched the sun steadily rise over the buildings in silence. 

They had been silent for a while now but neither one wanted to move. It was comfortable here, side by side, with everything laid bare. No more secrets. No more hiding. 

“Therapy.” 

She was the one to break first. 

He blinked a few times to wash away the sleepy, mindless state he’d fallen into, “Hmm?” 

“Therapy,” she repeated. “That’s what I chose for us. You are going to get therapy. Me too. We need it.” She let out a soft exhale. “Badly.” 

Peter responded with a tired chuckle, “Therapy. I think I can manage that. Therapy, it is, then. That’s what we will do.” 

She nodded in confirmation, “I want you to keep living with me. Keep our separate rooms. I want to keep being friends and supporting each other while we do this. But, Peter-” Her tone shifted into something more serious, her body shifted to face him. “I do not want to ever listen to you have sex with someone inside our apartment. I won’t ever sit through that again. I love you, you know that, and I will not be tortured with that shit anymore. In return, I won’t date anyone else until you’re ready. Not that I have a line of suitors waiting out the door anyway…” 

The morning, golden sun highlighted the frizz that settled on top of her windblown hair after her stressful night. 

He wasn’t ever planning on sleeping with anyone again unless it was her. 

“And,” she continued. “I want you to visit Gabe with me to give him a proper apology. We both owe him that. He’s a good person. He deserves an explanation. Just, like, leave out the part where you’re Spider-Man and I created the Bug Zappers that nearly killed him.”

A lazy, crooked smile formed on his face, “Okay. Anything you say, I’ll do. Therapy, apologies, and abstinence.” 

She mimicked his smile, the love never once fading from her eyes, “Only for now.” 

One day, he would be able to give her everything she wanted. One day, she would be able to accept it. 

One day but not today. 

Today, they would walk arm and arm back to their home and fall asleep against each other on the couch. Today, they would skip classes and order in food. Today, they will be friends. 

Tomorrow, they could be whatever they wanted. Tomorrow, he might even continue with the apologies and give May a call. He’d gone too long without speaking to her. Maybe they could visit. All three of them together. Like older times. Times when everything seemed less big. Less scary. Less real and final. 

The future was theirs. 

Peter nodded, reaching out to take her hand, “For now.”

i’m still #teamgabe 

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[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 20]

Joris grabs Kerubim as they're falling, to shield him, and my personal thoughts on this are [CAR CRASH] [GLASS SHATTERING] ‘GOOD LORD!’ [GENERAL COMMOTION] [BABY CRYING] ‘WAAAAH WAAAAH’ [YELLING] [POLICE SIRENS] WEEWOO WEEWOO [HELICOPTERS] ‘WE’RE REPORTING LIVE-‘ [EXPLOSION] ‘MY LEG… MY LEG…’

Even with his probably very limited thinking-capabilities as a kitten, Kerubim's first instinct after falling is to look at whether Joris is alright or not. Personally, I think that——

:(

fanmgs

Kerubim is 2 sauces tall, but ready to avenge his death and also his son's fresh traumatization.

"Please don't call me a flask of poison because I have some green liquid inside and skulls drawn on my bottle <3 just drink up. Okie dokie?"

I don't lnow what this woman is expecting, here, honestly.

BASED Joris.

Bakara really thinks that Joris is stupid enough to go with her, while Joris employs the classical battle tactic of lying, by approaching her until she let go of Lilotte and saying "im going to kill you or hurt you in some way [giggle]" immediately after.

But as Bakara has shown repeatedly, even in this scene alone, she doesn't think highly of Joris. Even if she tried really hard to pretend that she did.

Well, she doesn't think of anyone highly, actually. Including herself.

This screenshot will get a lot of usage during ova2 liveblog, followers. It's literally THE reaction image for ova2.

While watching this movie, I always go between different extremes, when thinking about Joris and Bakara's relationship in the future. Would it become worse? Would they be close? Would they hate each other?

Every time I have a different answer, which is probably an answer in on itself.

My current take is that whether Joris and Bakara consider one another a friend probably varies from year to year. I can see it clearly: her telling him stories of Jahash. Her helping him around the home. Her criticizing him harshly for being a failure of a huppermage (it's as unacceptable for him to be that, as it is for her). Her stopping talking to him after he leaves the academy. Beginning to talk to him again after a few years, when he has a very close call to death while adventuring, — angry at him, because don't you dare die on me while we're in one of our "I don't talk to you" argument phases. Rinse and repeat.

I think it's funny. Atcham's greatest wish, besides hair, has always been "I want someone in my family to care about me," while Bakara...

Whike Bakara, as an heir of a Bontarian hero, would probably fear being in the wrong, — an evildoer, — the very most.

No wonder they're so shocked.

Both of them are experiencing some entirely new emotions, thanks to Joris.

It's not really about Bonta. It's about revenge. And it's about her feeling inadequate. And it's about her feeling like a failure.

As far as she's concerned, even a dofus doesn't want her, with how broken she is. He wants some weird, off-putting, Julith-related 10yo instead.

One has to wonder, if it is a genuine plea, or if she is manipulating Bakara by revealing the truth. Because she doesn't want to be blown to pieces by a dofus.

It's a bit hard to analyse this part of the movie because I'll be real, there's so much occuring all at the same time. Like bro. Imagine being Joris here.

The woman who killed your dads is now like "I am going to bring one of them back", and also another one came back 5 minutes ago, but also things are exploding and fire is everywhere, and also your aunt just tried to kill your uncle?? And also stole your dragon egg magical nuke.

Even if everything Julith said was true, — her cold, cold reaction to a fireball hitting her son, the way she looks at Bakara like at dirt, and the way she says "quit fooling around", point so, so heavily towards her revelation of this information being a tactical way to manipulate Bakara.

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

68 + 96?

68 Husbands In Love + 96 “Take That” Kiss/“Shut Up” Kiss

Hello!! Thank you for sending, I know the prompt was husbands in love, but I've been writing husbands non stop and was feeling nostalgic for boys in love (and denial) and thought i'd have a little fix it fun

as always my fics exist in my own cinematic universe where the cta is not a centrally organized transit system and is actually the most convenient form of public transit to use

“Did you just kiss me to shut me up?” Ian asked suddenly.

“Jesus Gallagher, keep asking pussy fucking questions like that and you’re going to get us kicked out for being underage,” Mickey huffed lightly, picking at his beer bottle.

Ian flushed with anger and indignation. Mickey was the one being a fucking pussy, he kissed Ian before robbing Ned’s house, he ran back to the van and kissed Ian like he fucking meant it and for a few minutes while they robbed Ned’s sleeping wife blind, Ian’s mind spun out of control with the possibilities that kiss opened up. 

He’d ridden that high the whole drive back to the Milkovich house, running home like he promised to help dig up the body in his backyard. He even avoided a near disaster with the CPS workers waiting innocuously on the sidewalk, turning the misnamed Gallagher charm up to ten and convincing them to come back later in the week. 

“It’s just that the county is doing rolling water shutoffs this week-and I know it will be a demerit if we don’t have water. But it’s unfair to put us at risk for something entirely under the county’s jurisdiction.” Ian reasoned easily, trying to make sure they don’t walk onto the property as soon as someone unearthed Aunt Gingers rotted corpse. 

They agreed to come back after Friday, because Ian could be incredibly persuasive when he needed to be. And thank god for it because the scene he walked into was a fucking horror show, and that was before Fiona walked in with a femur in her hand. 

They’d all hustled to make the house presentable and keep it that way, and his whole family left to find Frank, so he would actually show his ugly fuckin’ face when they called to talk with the social worker, so Ian was the only one home when he heard a knock at the door.

The last person he expected to see was Mickey Milkovich waiting wide-eyed on his porch. He was wearing jeans and a clean teeshirt with he sleeves in tact. They stared at each other for a moment before Ian finally opened his mouth to ask if Mickey wanted to come in. 

Mickey just scowled and nodded his head towards the street to say come on, Gallagher. Like it was obvious and Ian was the one being difficult, but Ian was just shocked to see Mickey on his porch. Not trying to blend in with the shadows on the street, but standing under the flickering porch light, so he just followed the shorter boy. 

Mickey led him up the stairs to the L, then over the turnstiles and onto the train, they leaned on the pair of train doors and got two stops before Ian worked up the nerve to ask where they were going. 

His question was met with a non-committal shrug, “already pawned a couple of the overpriced trinkets we stole from naughty grandpa, figured I could buy you a beer for bringing us into the deal.”

From the way Mickey was looking up at him through focused eyes, rocking from the wobbling train car, his answer was a long winded way to say I’m taking you out to a bar, please be cool about it for once in your fucking life, Gallagher.

Ian grinned, ducking his head and trying to play it as cool as he possibly could. They got to the bar okay, it was divey little place on the Westside that Ian couldn’t believe Mickey would ever set foot in. Sure, it wasn’t very nice, but Ian wasn’t emitrely sure Mickey knew there was a whole city beyond Chicago’s southside.  

The bartender tried to give Ian a funny look but Mickey just stood in front of him with a nasty glare until she handed over a couple of Old Styles.

The question came when they sat down at a table tucked cozily in one of the corners, Mickey grunted and mumbled at Ian when he tried to coax him into a normal fucking conversation, like they usually did when they hung out at the convenience store. His eyes were bouncing around, scanning the room anxiously, or boring into Ian in a way that made him want to squirm in his seat. 

He seemed cagey, uncomfortable in the bar and in Ian’s presence, so the question was: “Did you just kiss me to shut me up?” 

Mickey’s eyes snapped back to his face, searching and evaluating. “If I wanted to shut you up, kissing wouldn’t be my first option.”

Ian rolled his eyes, “whatever, I just don’t really get what we’re doing here. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you kissed me because you’re jealous and you brought me out here on a date.”

He watched Mickey’s face twitch as the word date fell out of his mouth, so he sighed and continued after a sip of his beer “but I do know better, you kissed me to shut me up and I don’t know why the fuck we’re here. You don’t need to worry about me fucking off completely just ‘cause I like going out with Ned, you’ve got a great ass and we have fun. If that’s all you’ve got for me, I can live with that, but don’t jerk me around like you’ve been doing today.” 

Ian finished his beer and moved to get up. He was playing it a lot cooler than he felt and knew he would probably crumple when he got home, but in that moment he didn’t really care. 

“Gallagher, wait- just sit down” Ian looked at where Mickey was staring up at him with a hand outstretched on the table, finally he added a quiet “please.”

And because Mickey was wearing his hair in that slicked back, pretty boy way Ian liked, looking up at him with pretty blue eyes and worrying his pretty bottom lip, Ian sat back down hesitantly. He tried to stare him down from across the table, but doubted he could pull off threatening to someone like Mickey. To his surprise, Mickey’s bitchy, nonchalant expression crumbled into something sad.

“I don't want to shut you up or anything, you’ve got it all wrong. I did want to… go out with you tonight, like that” Mickey admitted. “But I’ve never really - I don’t date. I don’t have a lot of friends, or hobbies. I’m not very smart, or funny and I think that as sad as it is, my life is going downhill from here, so I’m not really sure what we’re doing here either.”

“I’m a fucking asshole” Mickey looked up at him finally, daring him to disagree “and this, this thing we’re doing is stupid, and dangerous but I kissed you because I wanted to.”

Ian sat in shock, his mind spinning. Of all the things Mickey could have said, that was nowhere near what he was expecting. 

“I think you’re really funny” was the first thing he could think to blurt out “and probably pretty smart, if you actually tried to use your head for anything.”

Mickey stared at him with a blank expression and the air turned awkward around them, Ian exhaled a quiet sigh “Can you just be normal with me? I like you, a lot. I would want to be your friend even if we weren’t hooking up, so let’s just hang out. Can we do that?”

That earned Ian a grin, finally. Mickey was easy to talk to when he wasn’t so deep in his own head spinning himself into agitated circles. He was surprisingly non-judgmental of Ian’s blunt, stupid humor and unusual moralistic view of the world, as much as he had a worldview at sixteen years old. 

Ian got buzzed off three beers and they left when the bar closed down. The streets were pretty empty since it was a weeknight, and Ian boldly grabbed his wrist in a hard grip and pulled him into a darkened ally. 

Mickey pushed a little but mostly allowed himself to get backed against the warm bricks of a nearby building by two of Ian’s strong hands snaking down his sides to settle on his hips. It felt like he’d wanted to do this a hundred times before, so Ian took just a second to grin, joyful and a bit gloating, before leaning in.

Hope you had fun!! :)

[clara-maybe-ontheroad]

Random thoughts about Sand/Ray (Only Friends ep 1)

Rewatched the first episode of Only Friends and I have a few (many) random thoughts, here are just the ones about Ray and Sand because they deserved a whole post (everyone else is in this other post) :

Ray mentions his dad in the first scene we ever see him in, getting mad at Sand who told him not to be a burden on other people and replying "are you my father ?"... Foreshadowing much ?

The first interaction between Ray and Sand ends with Sand telling Mew to take care of his friend, and you believe that's what Mew is doing but then next party he abandons him

Ray throwing up and his friends immediately letting him go and pushing him away is... funny in the context of the scene but again I think telling us something about how they're all going to treat him

(Sand/First opening and closing the intro is *chef's kiss*, he's not the main character clearly but as an outsider and a "morally straight" guy he's going to be a force to shake things up I'm sure)

Sand and Ray's second interaction immediately revolves around once again Ray being a burden but also Ray's friends not being present enough for him and Sand disapproves of both

Did Ray already drink and drive before this ? Did anyone stop him before?

Ray's throw up sound in this episode are truly awful and make me quite uncomfortable. Good acting though

Him immediately passing out on a random man's shoulder after being taken to this stranger's place does imply a worrying lack of survival instinct. Baby he could steal your livers ! or what's left of it

(The owner of YOLO bar is Yo, as reiterated many times by Ray and Sand, and given how often he's mentioned he must have a role in the story, but he's hasn't shown up yet ?) (Edit : didn't know Yo was played by Jennie so we have actually seen her around, just haven't gotten a proper scene with her, looking forward to really meeting her !)

Ray becoming aggressive and accusing Sand of stealing his stuff only after Sand says he didn't sleep with him and didn't even consider it seems to indicate that Ray truly thinks people can only take an interest in him for sex or for money. Arf this continues to get more sad

The fact that Ray actually checks his pockets when Sand gives him back his clothes is so indicative of what's actually important to him : not his safety or consent but his material possessions and external signs of wealth

Ray complaining to Mew that he got kicked out by Sand for no reasons is so rich, but again I think Ray truly doesn't realise how what he said was offensive because he's so closed in his own bubble

But Mew saying he thought Boston was taking care of Ray when he literally just asked Ray how he got home last night and knew that Boston refused to take care of Ray is so hypocritical ?! And goes to show he wasn't really bothered to make sure Ray had a way to go home safely. He assumed he'd be fine on his own and didn't care that much

Ray sad that his crush is talking to someone else and driving home alone in his fancy car in a tee shirt that says "Poor Boy" is High Comedy

Boston asking Ray why doesn't he just become Mew's boyfriend was such a dick move, but also Ray is so convincing at denying he would be ? Is it because he's so used to lying about this, or because he doesn't think he's worth Mew's affection so he doesn't even dream of being his boyfriend ?

Ray does have a habit of just exiting the situation for something that his friend all excuse as being one of his addictions (drinking, smoking) and they don't even try to stop him

Sand tells Ray he has his lighter because he got him drunk and stole from him with such confidence I don't care that he's joking he could be telling the truth and I'd find it hot

The moment Sand actually gets visibly angry is when Ray tells him that Sand caring is "boyfriend behaviors" and that's telling on how Sand is disgusted with the idea of being his boyfriend but also resents the fact that caring about being respected is something only boyfriends do... when in fact people who are only friends can too ! (see what I did there)

That dialogue between them does illustrate the power of not just saying sorry, but saying thank you. Which is an actual thing I try to apply in my own life so I thank the show for reminding me haha

the softness in the voice of Sand when he then says "obviously" and agrees to give his lighter to Ray made me melt

Ray's eyes during the whole scene are truly so seductive, Khao does know his fuck me eyes very well

There's no conclusion except to say Sand is going to get fucked by Ray in more ways than one and I'm looking forward to it

[orangeypopsicle]

While that scene where the Haywoods stole the horse training decoy and Jupe clearly knew was funny, it also makes sense because of what we learn about Jupe in his introduction scene.

Jupe wants people to like him. Partially a child star thing and partially a “I hate making people uncomfortable” thing. Jupe knew that OJ would not get the horses back because Jean Jacket ate them by that point, yet he still agreed to his deal. He could’ve simply said, “I want to keep these horses so I’m not selling them back” but instead opted to stall the conversation by talking about the Gordy’s Home museum room. He tries to make himself friendly and likeable, even at his own expense (i.e. getting a flashback while prompted to talk about the Gordy’s Home incident, letting that weird rich couple stay in that shrine to his trauma overnight despite Jupe offhandedly implying he thought it was creepy, etc.)

Regardless of my tangent, he would rather pretend that the Haywoods bought an exact replica of his training horse than acknowledge that it's stolen property because he doesn't like telling people no.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Even When the Words Went Wrong

First posted: May 27, 2019

Focuses on: Jason Todd and Bruce Wayne

Favorite bookmark: "In which, Bruce doesn't fuck it up."

Second favorite bookmark: "I got actual tears in my tears like this fic beat up my heart in a dark alley and then stole its wallet"

Tier: Pretty middle, but at least in the top half of all metrics

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

Apparently this only took me a couple days to write, which is cool, and also makes sense. Alternate POV fics are, in many ways, so much easier because I already know what happened. I just have to express how a different person perceived it and felt about it.

Part one's title came from the David Cook song, and this one is a continuation of the same lyric, just slightly changed because my version is more poetic and appropriate.

Original: You've always been the sweetest song / Even when the world went wrong

Incorrect, Mr. Cook, do better.

Bruce Wayne had killed Jason in a thousand different ways. And Jason had killed Bruce in a thousand and one.

Some nights, it was all Jason could see when he closed his eyes.

I knew when I finished the first part that I would need to do more. I couldn't push the fic any further than it had gone from Bruce's POV, but I didn't want to end it where I did, so time to jump heads.

“You don’t have what it takes to give this city what it needs,” Jason spat, fully in the swing of his narrative. The Pit hummed like a swarm of locust in the back of his skull. “You’re weak. You’ve always been weak. You—“

I'd done POV swaps before, so I was already aware that one way that alternate POVs are not easier is finding a way to cover the same ground without just copy-pasting dialogue again. It gets so boring. Luckily here Bruce and Jason are both so distracted at different points that they can each zone in and out of the narration.

Batman’s composure was flaking off him in chunks. It was a sight to see. He was angrier than Jason had ever seen, jaw on the verge of cracking with the strain. Jason felt a sickly sort of pleasure that he was at least able to elicit that after all this time.

I personally find it funny that Jason thinks Bruce is mad, that that's the only emotion he can stick a label to, because he's never fully seen Bruce panicking like this before.

Somehow he had never considered that in the lost years Bruce might have changed, too. It wasn’t that Bruce was unrecognizable. He wasn’t. The Bruce of him was still there, grim and unyielding. The grey in his hair was new, clustered around the temples, not bright enough to be Alfred’s silver but close. There were lines, too, that had been there before, but only as the finest pencil strokes. Now they were cuts, deep and furrowed. They made Bruce look harder than ever, a man carved from stone, but stone that was beginning to crumble. He called Bruce old man, first as a joke and now as a taunt, but this was the first time it almost felt real.

I did Bruce a little dirty here, since by the timeline I use he's still in his 30s here. Oh well. The changes, both from the passage of time and the weight of grief, would be shocking to Jason regardless. Like. That's his dad. He knows what his dad's face is supposed to look like.

His finger stuttered against the trigger. He could pull it. Be done right here, right now. This close, there was no way to miss. It was why he had come to Gotham. It was all Jason could see when he closed his eyes. He didn’t want this.

That's the truth of Jason, the one I think all my fics about his anger and bitterness and resentment have to come to in the end. He wouldn't hate Bruce as much as he thinks he does if he didn't love him with the same intensity. He can lie to himself all he wants, but it's a truth he has to face in the end.

Bruce had him trapped, but Bruce wasn’t fighting. He was… he… was… Crying? Bruce had his face buried in Jason’s hair, and Jason could feel the tears on his scalp and the shuddering breaths rippling through Bruce’s chest. “B?” he whispered.

Is there anything more alarming than seeing your parent cry.

He was lost. He was falling. He was thirteen and wide-eyed, awed beneath his wariness. He was fourteen and reckless, eager to please and devoted to the end. He was fifteen and cocky, unsure of his path but sure of who would walk it with him. He was fifteen and dying, alone and crying for his dad.

I'm pretty sure I've accidentally written this same paragraph like five different times across different fics with different characters. Oops.

Bruce ignored his own tear-streaked face to rub a thumb across Jason’s cheekbone, a gesture of habit formed over a fraction of a lifetime, but the only fraction that had really mattered.

I love that paragraph specifically because I can feel it. Is there a name for that? Like written ASMR?

The end of this fic is so schmoopy in a way I don't normally like to be, but I do wonder how much that speaks to a culturally rooted aversion for male emotions that aren't anger, you know?

Also the end note is a Bible quotation but specifically the version I heard in my head is the Barlow Girls song. And some of you just got hit with 00s memories upside the back of the head, you're welcome.

And lastly, this one fic garnered multiple comments of very nice people saying DC needed to hire me I AM STILL WAITING DETECTIVE COMICS

[rueririn]

Pirating OPLA, thoughts

Episode 1

Garp being at Roger's execution is a nice touch

Really like how full Luffy's dinghy is-- crates of fruit, a barrel of fish instead of just one barrel of apples--- all makes sense. All the tiny details removed from manga that are just added onto opla for realism-- like the way the execution stand works, too, with the people cranking the manual lift to get roger up there. It's all very cool and makes the setting feel more piraty than mangapiece.

Our beloved Zoro tried to go to Sixis on a cruise ship. This is a good way to casually mention Zoro earlier (plus that's Ace's first island so it actually lines up on the One Piece map to be around Dawn Island--)

"it's worth more than the rest of our loot put together" a nika mention that can be interpreted as just a devil fruit mention

"You should never let anyone tell you what you can't do. If I did that, I never would have left my village to go find the One Piece." Luffy referencing Garp like this is so funny to me

Unlike mangapiece, Luffy invites Coby along before knowing his dream to become a marine. This makes me sad because now I wish la coby joined the crew

opla Shanks is weirdly more serious than mangapiece Shanks. Not necessarily in a bad way, just different. That's the attitude I'm takign for most of opla anyways.

Adding the Mr 7 and Zoro fight here is actually really cool

Beta Nami outfit aaaaa they moved the pre-orange town ship-stealing scene to serve as her introduction scene and that works so well for her.

I love that they all naturally congregated in Ririka's bar. Everyone congregates and chaos occurs. Really like how they switched things up while never really taking things off course.

"PIRATES SPREAD DISEASE" poster on the wall

Coby sliding under the table once a fight breaks outajslkdjalsijdsakj i love him pls

ADORE the barfight. It's Zoro vs Baroque Works but bite-sized and with everything we love about the most consistently badass member of the crew. Thank you.

Zoro really pulled a reverse on Helmeppo lmao. "Three swords? I only need one" proceeds to get curbed by zero swords

oh! Zoro introduced himself as pirate hunter. that makes him different from mangapiece where he explicitly says at some point that he never called himself that. But it fits the opla characterisation so fair enough.

Luffy popping out of the manhole to yell 'thanks' at Zoro just sends me. Makino taught him well.

Nami being the most independent and capable girlboss up until the second Luffy literally crashes into her life and ruins her plan is actually 100% compliant with the basis of their relationship.

Oh is this the ass naked Helmeppo scene everyone's been yelling abo--- oh it is. ok.

I've never realized how badly I wanted a Nami and Luffy fighting together scene until now. I just realized how little of those we get in Mangapiece. Holy shit.

Romance Dawn trio just has this really satisfying trio cohesion that I can't describe. They're forever my favourite trio in the strawhats and opla does a magnificent job of bringing justice to what the manga couldn't give them with its chapter and page limits, since their only trio time together without being dragged around by handicaps was in the gaimon arc.

Makes me a little sad that Coby's involvement in Shells gets cut down a little, but that's fine I guess, he got plenty of touchup in his introduction scene.

Luffy holding back laughter when he sees Helmeppo's hair. Zoro chuckling because "yeah I might've done that" and Nami just being speechless. They're so stupid i love them

Garp going silent when he hears a straw-hat pirate stole the map to the grand line. I like to think this could imply Roger also stole his map once upon a time, but for now I'm just laughing at Garp internally screeching "that STUPID GRANDSON it's been ONE DAY"

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP6: TAKE THE DEVILED EGGS (Pt 2) (This One's Gonna Be a Real Rage Inducer) (Lots Of Interesting Development Though) (So many things happening) (Salty Rambles about Jess Mariano's Birthday)

There is something to be said about Luke (on multiple occasions) readily admitting he pays Jess in ketchup packets to toil in the Coffee Mines more or less against his will. I get that it's just a part time job after school...before school..while he's cutting school..always working...never stopping...never reicieving any tips from Lorelai and Rory... Rory needs a job... Rory and Lorelai need to pay for their food... Anyway these comments shed a light on the shaky economies of small businesses in small towns which is interesting to me. Gilmore Girls is really, at it's core, a show about class. One day he could wake up to find his diner has been turned into a Dunkin Donuts (this is Not-Quite-But-Almost-New England after all, where DD is king).

Hahahahaha!! Jess stole money to buy a car and he committs attempted murder! Hahahahaaha! You're SO FUNNY LORELAI GILMORE. Your daughter stole a boat.

Yeah. And maybe back home, he did had to steal to survive sometimes. How about them apples, Lorelai Gilmore. God, do I loathe her.

Don't say that around Lorelai, I think she'd believe you were being serious.

A couple of the moots and I recently decided that in the recent past, Liz managed to land and then lose a halfway decent boyfriend/ father figure to Jess who had a car and taught Jess to drive and do repairs and some other light adulting. I honestly feel like this is the only thing that makes sense.

HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THIS SCENE!!! Fuck meeee. Look at that li'l curl...

LOOK AT IT!!!! You know what, I'm calling it. I'm putting my foot down. This is the hottest Milo had ever looked in the entirety of seasons 2 and 3. It's that perfectly gelled hair, the jean jacket, the cool tshirt. Very James Dean. Woof. Let's see, what would I choose for second place? I have to go with the party scene in KegMax, another episode with impeccably jelled hair and a jean jacket (and even while he was apparently sick shooting that episode too). He just progresses in hotness the further season 3 marches on.

These four words "I'm still a minor" are a point of contention for me in the ongoing debate about his birth month. My beliefs: Jess is a Virgo. He was born in August or early September. This would make him just older than Rory by just a smidge. Since well over a year has passed in the show since the episode he arrived in Stars Hollow as a 17 year old (when he arrived, it was early September as Rory had just started school in that episode), he had just celebrated his birthday before arriving and so he has to have already turned 18 by this episode. However, I will consider the theory that Luke was clueless or misinformed about his age at the time he arrived (because it's not like LIz is in any way reliable with information) and he was actually 16 going on 17 when he hopped off the bus last year, and maybe he has an October or November birthday making him slightly younger than Rory. It would make sense that both missed the kindergarten cut off dates in 1989 at their respective schools (which is rock solid canon already for Rory, as she was born in October 84 but graduated in 03 instead of 02), putting them in the same grade.

Salty has put a pathetic amount of thought into this. So, how can I accept this statemen? I attribute it to the same brand of biting sarcasm that gave us "I mugged an old lady" moments ago and also because this scene doesn't make a whole lot of sense to begin with. He's still a minor, but he got his own insurance all by himself under his own name, which is not really a thing, but not his own car registration? Committing insurance fraud perhaps? Sketchy insurance company that didn't ask too many questions? He knows a guy who knows a guy who can print up some fake documents? At that point why not go all the way with the white collar crimes and forge Luke's signature on the registration too? See, Lorelai thinks Jess is a thief and murderer when he's really a white collar criminal like Taylor Doose.

My memory was certain that he produced a cigarrette and not a pen in this scene. I had to edit this post to remove a line about him smoking. I guess I confused it with the Then She Appears/ Cmurrh kissing scene, where he's also wearing a jean jacket with a popped collar. Damn. I can't wait for that scene...

Just some light fraud. If the car belonged to someone in Stars Hollow, whoever's registration he stole probably deserved it anyway. This is how I approach all "Crimes" Jess commits in Stars Hollow. There are only a few people who don't deserve it. Your honor, my client is innocent.

Oh no, the couch of doom. No good conversations ever happens between Rory and Lorelai on the couch, especially after one of them comes home at night and finds the other one on the couch. The Gilmores recieve an invitation to Sherry's baby shower. The moots and I have determined that Doula and Gigi will eventually band together to form the most powerful duo of neglected half sisters the world has ever seen. For the record, today Doula would be 17 and Gigi would be 21. Since Jess eventually comes to adopt and raises Doula she has a somewhat decent chance of coming out a well adjusted adult. At the very least, if she was stuck with TJ and Liz, Jess would still be a positive influence on her life, visit her and look out for her and make sure she didn't get sucked into any cults. The odds are a lot more grim for Gigi with Crusty and Sherry as her forever "parents" and let's face it, very likely her relationship with big sister Rory or any of the other Gilmores is non existent.

And things were so peaceful. Especially since Dean hasn't reared his ugly head in the last two episodes, either.

You flip flop with Crusty so much how can anyone possibly keep track of whether you're on the outs with him or banging him at any given time?

And by saying that out loud you're gonna tip the balance of the universe and he's going to show up. I looked ahead and although this is sadly still a Crusty-Focused episode, he doesn't actually make an appearance. Small blessings. To Lorelai's surprise, Rory admits that she's been in contact with Crusty and Lorelai is okay with it but upset that Rory was hiding it from her. God, he's such a parasite.

Emails. How quaint.

Highly debatable.

[deliicacymercy]

kobd: the wildbreak theory

So, let it be known Mercy loves this piece of shit show - only for the Stunticons and specifically Wildbreak 

He’s my favorite character ever, only because every time i see him i go: “omg same” 

HOWEVER, the Wildbreak appreciation post comes later - I got some damning proof this fucker is a KOBD child.

This is fucking long. And only me being obsessed would produce this masteriece.

Buckle up BUCKAROOS- 

So, to begin. 

The famous fan theory in Transformers is that Wildbreak is the love child of Breakdown and Knockout from TFP. 

It’s so popular that everytime you see domestic KOBD art, there’s a good chance a tiny little Wildbreak is in there. 

Usually comes from the fact that TF:RID 2015 is a sequel series to TFP, as well as Wildbreak has an image likened to both of them. He is a Stunticon like Breakdown, but has similarities to Knockout. blah blah, someone already made a shorter post that explains the appearance factor- 

HOWEVER MORE EVIDENCE- I have it. 

Let’s talk about Wildbreak’s Weapon. 

Cutie pie does not get a lot of screen time, in fact, all he gets is five episodes he appears in and one dedicated to him and Dragstrip mainly.

So this episode is all we get of him + Dragstrip + Dragbreak 

In the ep, Dragstrip and Wildbreak stole Windblade’s weapon stash and are being chased down by Bee and the gang. They only get one fight scene and its as Dragbreak [Wildbreak/Dragstrip combined]. 

So when I saw that Dragbreak had a weapon in the form of a HAMMER ON A STICK - I thought huh, sounds too good to be true.

Because isnt it funny that KOBD weapon combo would be a hammer on a stick. 

Let’s assess. aka let mercy ramble at 2am

At first im like, that couldn’t be KO’s weapon [”a shock stick”] cause his is notorious shaped like a “trident” and its extendable.

[lol it has to be the toy model cause TFP’S LIGHTING IS SO DARK I CANT GET A GOOD SCREENSHOT OF IT] 

Until....

I sped it down by 0.25 and i see it transform into this

my ass lifted from the seat AS I WAS LOOKING AT A HAMMER AND A TRIDENT STAFF- THAT IS EXTENDABLE-

AND ITS CONFIRMED TO BE WILDBREAK’S WEAPON BECAUSE

this is Dragstrip’s weapon

its even seen with DRAGBREAK- 

AND NOTHING ABOUT IT CHANGED! IT DIDNT BECOME ANYTHING DIFFERENT or combo with Wildbreaks- ITS JUST DRAGSTRIPS GUN

Which meannnsssss THIS NEVER BEFORE SEEN, HAMMER ON A TRIDENT STAFF HAS TO BE WILDBREAKS. 

I even looked into the older G1 Stunticons for further reference and saw that all Stunticons had guns p much, especially Dragstrip. And I looked at G1 Wildrider and Breakdown since thats where Wildbreak’s namesake came from and...they both have guns. No hammer or staff. Which means- 

The inspo for a Hammer and Staff sounds like it came from ~~ 

TWO GAYS

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Hello everyone, welcome to half way point where Mercy acknowledges that she’s lost her fucking mind and cant stop the conspiracy theories on her fav character from a show no one watched. 

However I just like to say as a funny side note, that Wildbreak is voiced by Kakashi and Dragstrip is Brain from Pinkie & the Brain. 

Literally looking at the voice cast list for EVERYONE in this show and you’ll realize where the budget actually went. CAUSE IT WASNT TO THE WRITERS-

can u tell i love this fucking show

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At first I got a wee bit scared cause Im thinking- wait, the whole episode was about them finding Windblade’s weapons stash...maybe these were Windblades weapons???

But after closer inspection:

nope. 

In fact, Wildbreak is so cute and helpful, he did a 180 for me to see front and back. uwu 

Even Dragstrip doesnt have any that resemble his gun or retractable hammer.

‘ o ‘ 

And for a show that loves reusing models for everything-

(im still mad about this)

Why wouldn’t they reuse the weapon models?? ...unless they were specifically suppose to be weapons for Dragstrip and Wildbreak~

Also I was looking to see if their toys came with any weapons and- 

they dont 

but its so funny cause now Wildbreak is the one on top LOL DSAKLFJASLD

Haaaaa, guess they are both switches--- [this isnt canon. there’s no way Wildbreak is a switch.]

Well then it comes down to if they had their weapons on them at all during the show outside of this scene then its a done deal. 

Nope. They just come out of thin air. Thanks show. 

But Mercy- doesn’t Knockout’s staff have a “shock” ability? 

Well im glad you said that mercy, cause this fucking happens

LITERALLY the SAME BLUE HUE 

and it also explodes for some reason at the end of the episode?!?!??!!?!?

So rip 

Wildbreak’s gift from his dads doesnt exist anymore. bb sad. 

anyways thats my talk on confirmation that KOBD had a lil bb named Wildbreak and he got a combo weapon from them-

thanks for coming to the ramble!!!

BONUS: 

Gay Sideswipe