#TELL ME IM WRONG AND ILL TELL YOU YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID

[maddiescars]

God FUCKING dammit I give up.

[angelfrombeneth]

MESSY - M . RIDDLE

Mature and Possibly Triggering Content Ahead

Mattheo Riddle x F!Reader

Summary: You and your bestfriend of 13 years have a bit of a spat, that turns into her being a shit friend. So you also return the favour.

Warnings: SMUT, Implied Cheating, Slight mention of violence, Your bestfriend is a shitty friend, You do something shitty, Dom!Mattheo, Sub!Reader, Not been proofread - expect slightly grammar errors.

A/N: Thought I'd switch it up with Theo and do a Mattheo short. This is just a random draft. It's not one of my best works but I wanted to put something out cuz it had been a while. I've been super busy w my studies so I haven't had time to finish my other fics or any asks. So please accept this for now 🫶

"Hey Erica!" You smiled as you skipped up to your friend. Erica had been your best friend for 13 years. Your mother's were best friends before your mum passed, you grew up together and stuck by eachother no matter what. Even when you both got sorted into two different houses; she got Slytherin and you got Hufflepuff. Despite all odds, you both at in 6th year still going strong.

Erica turned to look at you, her eyebrow quirked. "What?"

You stood before her, confused with her attitude. "I thought we could go hangout in the pavilion together?"

She turned to her group of Slytherin friends and snickered slightly, bidding them goodbye before looking at you. "Sure, Where's Cedric?" You looked at her weirdly while you both walked towards the pavilion.

"I'm not sure, why'd you ask?"

"No reason, just suprised your both always at eachothers hip, it's weird he's not"

"Your right.. I should ask him-"

"No!" She cut you off. "Its ok, ill ask him for you, maybe he won't tell you the real reason"

"Thanks Erica" You smiled. The pair of you sat in the pavilion and gossiped about many different things.

You spotted Pansy across the pavilion waving you over to her and her friends. "Hey, I'm going to see Pansy, ill see you later?" You stand.

"Her? You're friends with her" Erica scoffed, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Whats wrong with Pansy?"

"Everything, she's just a fucking whore. All those guys she's friends with she probably sleeps with them all she's a wh-"

"Erica stop it. I don't know what your deal is... Pansy is nice to me ok? Just drop it" You looked at her weirdly from her behaviour.

"Your right, I'm sorry. I'll go speak to Cedric now for you" She smiled before rushing off.

You shrugged it off and walked over to Pansy smiling.

"Y/N!" She cheered as you sat down next to her. "We were just talking about how cute you and Cedric are, 3 months now right?" Pansy smiled at you.

"Yeah, it's going great, im really happy actually"

"Thats so good, Although we always thought you'd end up with a Slytherin boy" Astoria snickered.

"Really? Who, I don't even really talk to many of the guys" You quirked.

"Probably Theo, he's the gentleman out of them all, the best choice other than my Blaise" Daphne smiled.

You smiled at her, Her and Blaise had been together since 2nd year. They were like the powerhouse couple of Hogwarts, perfect in every way.

"Pans, did you and Erica have an argument she seems to have a strong.. hatred for you" You looked to the girl beside you.

Pansy looked up at Daphne and Astoria and laughed slightly before taking your hand. "I never did anything to her, she's just jealous I'm friends with the guys. She keeps implying I'm 'fucking them all' but I'm literally gay" Pansy snickered.

"Thats literally what I thought, I thought everyone knew?"

"Everyone does, Erica is just fucking stupid" Tori scoffed, crossing her legs over eachother.

"Tori-" Daphne glared to her.

"Besides its because her and Mattheo have this thing or whatever, and me and him are close" She shrugged.

"Mattheo? As in Mattheo Riddle?" You raised your eyebrow.

"Yeah- Why?" They all looked at you weirdly.

"Isn't his dad like.. You-know-who?" You whispered.

They all laughed at you softly. Pansy patting you on the back.

"You're so sweet and innocent" Astoria cooed.

A loud bell chimed around the whole castle you all stood up.

"Fuck, I have potions" Astoria groaned.

"You'll live" Daphne laughed at her.

"See you around Y/N!" She smiled to you as you all parted ways.

You sighed as you walked into the castle.

Over the next few weeks you hung out more with Pansy, Daphne and Astoria. Everytime you'd hang out with Erica she'd ice you out or something. You also notice Cedric just get more and more bored with your presence which just didn't make you feel any better. You had wondered what Erica and Mattheo were considering she never once mentioned him to you. At all.

You sighed, as you stared down at your tea leaves, poking at them with your wand.

You felt a gush of wind beside you as someone sat in the always vacant seat.

"I know this seat isn't taken, so I will be sitting here" You heard. You looked up to see Mattheo, smiling down at you.

"I take notice when my favourite girls start hanging out with another person, which means you must be a goodie" He smiled at you. "Y/N, right?"

You nodded smiling. "I didn't realise you all were so close"

"We are like a second family, since our actual ones are pretty shitty" He snickered.

Over the following weeks you had grown close to all the Slytherins, hanging our with them all. Occasionally Cedric would come over but he wasn't that interested which just irked you. He had apologised for his lack of presence that made you feel a bit better.

You and Mattheo had become quite close, to him he was quite fond of you. Found you very cute. Erica didn't like your friendship with Mattheo all of a sudden and this was the brunt of most of your arguments. You always apologised then backed away from the group for a day or so, but it was just like a forever cycle.

You had discovered, Mattheo and Erica were dating but you were confused as to why she hadn't told you but you didn't want to take it to heart, there must've been a reason.

After class, you walked down the halls, students rushing quickly to make it to their next class, as you walked down towards the Hufflepuff entrance you noticed all the Slytherin boys all hanging in the kitchen.

"Feeding time at the zoo again?" You snickered. The boys all turned staring at you like deers caught in headlights. This wasn't the first time you'd come across them in the kitchen. You had grown close with the Slytherin boys recently, but you had grown to know them more for you sort exchanges everytime you see them feasting away.

"Fuck- Y/N you scared us. I thought you were a fucking teacher" Blaise sighed.

"Why are you guys always here on my free" You quirked your brow.

"We just wanna see you so bad!" Enzo whined as you chuckled.

"Where you off to in a rush anyway" Draco licked his finger from the pie covering it.

"M' meeting Cedric in the common room. I'll see you guys later" You smiled to them before walking a bit away from the kitchen and entering the Hufflepuff commonroom.

If you could go back to 2 minutes ago when you were laughing at the boys stuffing their face with pie. You would.

As you rounded the corner towards the opening of the commonroom to froze, hearing giggles and.. moaning? What freak would fuck in the common room, you scoffed. What you didn't expect was who. You decided to just ignore the sounds and quickly pass up to Cedrics dorm when you caught a glimpse of an oh so familiar green gem clawclip thrown across the floor.

"Erica?" You raised your eyebrow as you stared at the couch.

You watched as Erica sat up, disheaved hair and messy makeup before the other person sat up to. That person being... Cedric.

"Cedric- Erica what the fuck??" You shouted at them both.

"Y/N- He threw himself at me, I swear. We were just talming and-" She gasped, standing up and changing herself.

"What No??- It's not what it looks like- She"

"SHUT UP!" you screamed. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to your stupid excuses. You didn't slip and fall into her Cedric be fucking for real" You scoffed at him, storming up to him and slapping him across the face. Your voice cracked as you yelled and turned on your heels and ran from the common room.

"Y/N WAIT!-" Cedric yelled.

As you rounded the last bend the last thing you heard- "Wellthat was easy, see you later Cedric" Erica cackled.

You thought she was your friend, best friend forever. She was a fucking liar. A disgusting whorey liar. You sobbed as you ran from the commonroom towards the stairs. You ran past the kitchen, the slytherin boys noticing you running. You didn't stop, you had to go to Pansy. You knew she had a free and she was in her dorm. So you ran there.

Third POV:

"Was that Y/N?" Enzo poked his head out of the kitchen confused by your rushed nature.

"She was crying- I hope she's OK.." Theo hit his lip slightly nervous for you.

"She's fine, probably stubbed her toe or something" Draco snickered.

Mattheo and the boys decided to ignore the fact Y/N ran past crying and it probably wasn't any of your issues. That was until he noticed two people sneak past the kitchen.

"Who was that?" Enzo questioned.

"No clue" Mattheo shrugged.

Your POV:

The next few days you spend sobbing and skipping classes. Astoria, Pansy and Daphne took turns looking after you as you wailed in their arms. Not only had your friend relationship fucked up. He cheated on you and with your 'best friend'.

When you told the girls they were pissed. You practically had to talk Astoria out of certain violent consequences. They stayed with you and comforted you for ages. The first few days were crucial.

You had recieved owls from Erica, explanation in her own fucked up words how the situation wasn't at all what she thought it was and how it was just a huge misunderstanding. You couldn't help but scoff at her bullshit.

Three weeks had passed since everything you left Pansys after a few days and stayed boarded up in your room for an additional 2 weeks. No one came in and no one came out. The girls were concerned for you but understood you needed time.

News travelled that you and Cedric broke up but nothing about Erica being a home wrecker. When you finally left your pit after nearly 4 weeks you had seen significant changes. You were quite pale due to lack of sun and nutrients - you didn't look sick you just looked tired. People noticed and just felt.. bad for you. What really set you over the edge is in these 4 weeks not only had Erica homewrecked your relationship- she had clung to the people you had become to get comfortable with.

This was the second time Erica had done this to you. In 3rd Year you had started dated Adrian Pucey when she swooped in and was making out with him. She had told you he threw himself at her and she was so sorry she didn't mean to hurt you and you fucking believed her. Now this was just proof she was a bitch and she expected you to just forgive her which is what you'd do, but you had to come up with a plan.

You walked down towards the Slytherin common room, and up towards Erica's dorm. Erica only had one other dormmate but she was in the hospital wing currently due to a mishap in potions.

You knocked on the door and the door swung open to reveal Erica. A sickening smile spread across her lips as she let you in.

"Oh Y/N- I'm so glad your here. I need to explain everything to you" She wore a fake pout as she hugged you before pulling away.

She was rushing around her room fixing her hair and doing her makeup as she spoke to you. You sat on her bed.

"I was talking to Cedric, about what I said when he threatened me. He was saying about how he'd hurt you and how he'd do horrible things to you if I didn't sleep with him Y/N"

Really. Does she really think you'd believe this. You had to try your best not to laugh.

"Erica that is so horrible- I know you didn't mean to- You'd never do anything to hurt me" You smiled.

"Exactly!" She turned to look at you smiling. "He was a terrible boyfriend Y/N you can do so much better- Look stay here. I'll be back, I have to go see Mattheo in the hospital wing but I'll be back soon. Then we can have a girlie night" She smiled again. That fame smile was irking you.

"Of course" You smiled as she rushed out of the door leaving you. How stupid was she to think you'd believe her bullshit lies. You peered around the room, groaning. Why did she get to keep a boyfriend after all of this.

Speak of the devil, the door swung open to reveal Mattheo, leaning against the door frame as he quizzically looked at you.

"Y/N? Where'd Erica?" He asked.

"Mattheo? She said she went to the hospital wing for you-"

Mattheo rolled his eyes scoffing. "I came here to break up with that cheating slut and she's gone to cheat. How ironic" He laughed, venom lacing his tone. "I know your friends but seriously you can do b-"

"Actually we aren't friends" You cut him off. "I was here to listen to her bullshit excuses on why she fucked my boyfriend" You scoffed.

"Cedric too?" Mattheo scoffed. "I don't get it, I was actually a good boyfriend to her, for once I wasn't the asshole" He laughed mockingly.

Mattheo sat next to you on Erica's bed as the pair of you sighed. It was quite for a moment before you spoke.

"Maybe she needs a taste of her own medicine.." You peered to Mattheo, who was now smirking.

"A dark streak for a little hufflepuff like you? Do go on" He bit his lip as he stared down at you. Now you look at it, Mattheo was twice the size of you.

"Maybe we could.. you know" You looked down.

"I'm a changed man Y/N- but fuck, my old ways would always come back for you" He smirked, referring to his last two years of THE player and heartbreaker of Hogwarts.

Before you could reply you heard a soft chuckle before Mattheo's hands are instantly all over you. He kisses you softly but needingly. The way his lips move against yours as his hands grab at the plush of your thigh.

You could almost laugh at his neediness but it turned you on even more. You climbed onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck as you pull him closer, needing more. Your tongues dancing upon eachother as you grinded down against his growing bulge. The softly moans he'd release into your mouth were enough to have you moaning.

You broke away shortly as the pair of you quickly stripped down to your underwear. You stood up, throwing your jumper and shirt off as you shimmied out of your skirt. Mattheo kicked off his trousers, throwing his jumper and shirt across the room just in time to catch you as he jumped onto him again. A light chuckle leaving his mouth as the pair of you sat pratically skin to skin.

"God you are so fucking hot" He smirked, biting his lip as you sat back down on his lap, as he sat at the end of the bed.

He watched as you, pulled your panties off, dropping them beside the end of the bed as you yanked at his boxers. Smirking as his cock sprung out and hit his stomach.

"So big, and you were all hers?" You smirked, pecking his lips softly as you pulled yourself closer, instantly sinking down on his length as you yelped at the size. His grip, harsh on you as his fingers dug into your hips,his eyes slightly rolling at the sensation.

"Fuck-" You sighed out as you wiggled down on him, reaching back to unclasp your bra and tossing it aside, before pulling him closer and smashing your lips onto his yet against as you grinded down against him.

You gasped, as he gripped your waist, thrusting up into you as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Dont be a bitch Y/N" He smirked against your mouth as your tongues tied to one another as your hands roamed all over. His hands reached to your ass, squeezing, gripping and slapping the flesh as much as he could as your hips buckled against his, his cock burying itself deeper inside of you.

"mm.. J-just like that" You sighed, reading your head against his shoulder as you rocked your hips back and forth against his, sighing at the sensation.

He couldn't handle it much longer as he threw you down against the bed, giving you time to get on all fours as he kicked off his boxers as he gripped your hips and began to piston into you. Your back arched as you gripped the sheets, your teeth sunk into the duvet as you whined into the cotton. You could practically hear his filthy smirk as you whined. His hands aggressively gripping at your love handles as he bounced against you, pulling you back harshly with each thrusted rebound. The way your skin slapped loudly against his as it collided. The way your ass, bounced against his thrusts sent him over the edge.

With each thrust, his hand would grasp at the flesh of your ass, squeezing it or slapping it as you whined down into the mattress. A filthy smirk spread across his face.

"Oh fuck!-" You gasped as you whined, eyes rolling back slightly as you gripped at the sheets.

"Good girl- Good fucking girl.. Taking it so well" He growled from behind. His voice just made you even wetter, the whole situation had your stomach in knots.

He continued on your ass as you gasped for air, his hand yanking at your hair, collecting it into a messy ponytail as he yanked you up and back against his chest. His free arm snaked around your waist, pushed down against your lower stomach, intensifying each thrust as you could feel the pressure of his arm. You whined out loudly, gasping at the sensation as he took the chance to let go of your hair and wrap a hand around your neck.

You gazed to the side to look at Mattheo, as he smirked, before kissing you roughly. His tongue instantly sliding into your mouth as you sighed into the kiss. Toying with his tongue as his cock made at home inside your walls. The way he thrusted in and out like he owned it had you on the edge.

You broke away momentary, gasping for air as he pulled away completely. The emptiness between your legs prominent as you whined, falling forward but catching yourself, moving to lay on your back against the bed, looking up at him.

"Miss me already" He laughed, sweat dripping down his body as he stared at you smirking, as he climbed ontop of you, kissing down your neck, sucking softly at the skin.

"Fuck- How can I not, when you look like that" You chuckled, running your hands up and down his naked body. You couldn't help but let your hand linger over his stomach, as your fingers dipped between the crevasses of his chiselled chest.

"You're bad, fucking your bestfriends boyfriend" He smirked, biting his lip as he hovered over the top of you, his hand pumping his cock as he stared down at you.

"She did it first, I'm just returning the favour" You smirked, pulling his neck as you pulled him into a kiss. You could feel Mattheo smirked against you as he lined up yet against to thrusts into you. His forehead against yours as he smirked down at you.

"You are so cute, shame it took this to see your dark side" He laughed as his thumb caressed your cheek softly, pecking your lips as he slowly slid back into you. You gasped, arching your back, as your chest pressed up against his as your body shook below him.

"God, I fucking love how you just melt at my fucking touch. So slutty" He laughed lowly in your ear, as he nibbled on the shell of it before biting at your shoulder and sucking on it as he began to thrust.

As he began the thrust at first they were soft, his lips peppering kisses all down your neck and collarbone as you whined softly under his touch. You watched as he licked the bruises that had formed across your skin as he smirked down at you. His smirk was sickening. Sickeningly sweet.

His cock sunk in and out of you like it was moulded for you. The way you whined and moaned into his ear had him harder than ever. He was obsessed with you and the pretty little sounds you made.

As he fucked you, he tossed your leg over his shoulder as he continued to fuck you at such an animalistic pace you were unsure if you'd make out of this in one piece. Your stomach, knotted at the pleasure. You hummed and whined as his cock thrashed in and out of you as he whined.

His lips capturing yours once against for a kiss, yet this time deeper. His lips moved so sensually against yours, as he kissed you with such passion. His hand, clasped around your neck as his tongue slid in and out of your mouth as the pair of you hummed. It was like time stopped and it was just you. You had never been fucked this good before, but thanks to Mattheo you now had.

You continued to whined with each thrust, gasping as you gripped at his hair, tugging on it. Mattheo's slight chuckles at every whine that left your mouth sent you spiraling.

As he kissed your deeper and fucked you harder you heard as scream, causing you both to pull away from the kiss. But that didn't stop Mattheo from railing the fuck out of you still. The pair of you looked over his shoulder to see Erica stood in the doorway. On urge you went to pull away from Mattheo in embarrassment but he held you down, smirking back at you as he sped up causing you to arch your back, screaming.

"Mhm- Fuck.. Your dick is so perfect" You whined as your gaze slightly lingering on Erica as the pair of you made eyecontact before you arched your back, leaning back and gripping the headboard. as he fucked you into the mattress. Your body recoiling against the thrusts as the bed creaked and shook.

The two of you edging closer to your high before you both case against one another. You pulled him closer as you kissed him deeply. Moaning softly into his mouth as you creamed his cock. Sighing softly as your body slowly loosened up.

Mattheo pulled away, smirking as he licked his lips. The pair of you had forget Erica was in the room and could more than happy stay like this until you heard a shrill shriek. "WHAT THE FUCK!" She yelled.

The pair of you untied from one another as you sighed, standing up and pulling your clothes back on, as Erica stood in shock at the two of you.

As you buttoned your shirt, you threw your jumper of your shoulders as you grabbed your heels before walking around Erica. "Just returning the favour" You smiled at her wholeheartedly. "Have fun cleaning" You turned to Mattheo before you left, shooting him a wink as he still led against the bed, bare naked.

"You- WHAT??" You could hear the cogs turning in Erica's head as you felt the scene before hearing crashing and screaming. Now she knows how you felt I guess, and well.

She deserved it.

If you enjoyed this fic and want to buy me a coffee, you can do so here!

[inez-winchester-cameron]

omg pls write more of what you just posted of rafe with that age gap it's sooo hot 😭 like something about the reader being bratty on purpose and sassing him

cw: dark!rafe x younger!reader, 29 and 19, non-con/rape, drug use, intoxicated reader, talks of free use and public sex, abusive relationship

note: is this too dark, yes or no

rafe HATES when you disobey at parties. ever since you two have started dating, you have a bad habit of misbehaving at parties to get more attention from rafe. whether that be overdrinking, snorting coke, smoking weed, or flirting with other guys. all of these being things that you KNOW rafe disapproves of.

tonight, it happened to be a mix of all of them. you went to the restroom and came back to rafe talking with one of his ex girlfriends, sofia. you completely being oblivious to the fact that he was telling her off. you huff and head back into the room where topper and kelce sit.

they're doing lines and drinking, sitting on opposite sides of a loveseat.

"hey, y/n, have a seat," topper politely greets you, gesturing to an empty chair beside the loveseat but you smile and sit inbetween topper and kelce. they give eachother a look but say nothing.

"whatcha guys doin?" you ask, looking over toppers shoulder as he sets up a line.

"coke, nothing you should concern yourself with."

"yeah rafe would kill us if he knew you were anywhere near this," kelce comments.

"hes too busy bein up sofia's pussy to care. can i do a line?"

kelce and topper both look at you at this comment, a little shocked. they knew rafe and how loyal he was to you, he never even so much as entertained another girl.

"you saw him up her pussy?" kelce asks, confused.

"well no but- it doesnt even matter, just let me do a line."

"sweetheart i dont think-" topper starts.

"pleaseeeeee?" you beg, giving him puppy eyes.

topper sighs and glances to kelce who shrugs. eventually topper responds, "okay fine, sweetie, but you cannot tell rafe."

"i won't, promise! ill even pinky promise if you want!"

topper stares at you for a moment, finding your innocence both endearing and hot at the same time. too bad you aren't his. topper sets up a line for you and gently guides you onto your knees in front of the table. he gives you the dollar bill and guides you as you snort it. you let it sit for a minute, not feeling anything, then it hits. and you want more.

"again!" you say, looking at topper, feeling your brain begin to buzz.

"yeah no i don't-"

"what the fuck are you doing?"

your eyes shoot to the doorway. rafe stands there, arms crossed, hair messy, blood on his knuckles, and he looks pissed.

"rafey!" you greet him, trying to pretend you didn't just snort cocaine. you stand up, swaying, and subsequently falling back onto the couch.

"what the fuck guys?" rafe questions, walking over to you. he looks pissed, "how much did you give her?"

"just a line, man, she asked for it. quite literally," kelce speaks first and topper agrees.

"i didn't know you don't let her do that man, im sorry-" topper defends himself and rafe shakes his head, calming down a bit.

"nah you're good, man. it's her fault. come on, princess, we have some business to discuss." rafe says through gritted teeth, roughly grabbing your arm and heading to his room. once you're upstairs and away from people, he starts scolding you, "what the fuck were you thinking? you know so much better than that."

"you were talking to Sof-"

"yeah i was telling her to go suck a fucking dick. then i beat the shit out of her boyfriend for calling you a whore. but maybe he was right, you don't think about anyone but yourself, huh? always just assuming. saw the way you were staring at top." rafe speaks with no sympathy and you two slip into his bedroom. he presses you down onto the bed, holding your hands behind your back as he flips your little skirt up, "no panties? you fucking serious? god what is wrong with you? you stupid little whore."

you hear his belt unbuckle and your head continues buzzing from your high. soon enough, you feel his cock, pushing into you. it's immediately too much.

"rafe-! no no no-"

"don't tell me fucking no, bitch. act like a whore, get treated like one. maybe i should've just fucked you downstairs," rafe starts, setting a fast pace with his thrusts, not hearing any of your protests, "or maybe i should tie you up down there, let all these drunk men use your holes since you wanna disobey. i think that's a fair punishment, huh? i try to be nice and defend your honor and you make eyes at two of my best friends. fucking bitch."

"rafe i didn't- i don't want this- stop!" you beg but rafe doesn't care. he simply tugs your hair in response as you start crying. your head is pounding and it's all too much.

"that's it, cry for it, bitch. this is my fucking pussy and i'm gonna use it when i want. now whine one more time and i'm gonna make this pussy free use to the entire island."

you whimper and stay quiet in response. you think about leaving rafe, but you can't, you love him and maybe you even secretly loved being fucked against your will.

[iiiiiiis-things]

"But you're the only one that's holding me down!"

pairing- bsf!satoru x reader

cw- igs angst idk i js needed plot to build up, fluff, highschool toru

analysis- your ex leaves you & satoru gets stood up

a/n- HEY PEOPLES i just wanna thank you for all the support and love yall are giving me im close to 1k and i wanna do a special so ill be having a poll posted soon, also this story was heavily influenced by strangers things season 2 when nancy was dancing with dustin !

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"are you fucking shitting me ?" your stern voice could be heard by your ex, who was standing in front of you dancing with another girl but quickly removed her away from him the second he saw your face. "is this what you meant by be right back? to go blow me off with this bitch?" you point to the girl he was dancing with, completely shocked because not to be rude but you knew your self worth and this was just down right disrespectful. "baby i swear she's just a friend-" you tune him out making an overly dramatic eye roll as you feel your eyes began to water, honestly you didn't even know why exactly this little situation had you threatening to spill tears.

your ex was embarrassing you nothing new before- this was the same routine, the same cycle, and he had the same excuse every. single. time. you wanted to quite literally punch yourself in the face for falling for it yet again.

There was something in your gut telling you going to the snowball with your ex would have horrible results, yet you ignored your female intuition and went anyways, now you stood here looking so idiotically stupid in front of everyone as your confront this piece of shit. honestly ? you weren't even close to being as upset as you were embarrassed. hell the only reason you found out what he was doing on his "bathroom break" was because your friend pointed him out with a "uh girl- ain't that yo man?"

"bottom line is- you mean more to me than she does" is he serious ?.. "oh so she means something to you? just not as much as me right" the girl look so uncomfortable in this situation she began to remove herself from the middle of you two "little word of advice sweetheart, don't date him in the future, he's just looking to get his dick wet."

"wha- no what are you- why are you putting words in my mouth?! you know what are being such a bitch about this! jesus y/n you're always blowing things way out of proportion it's why i can't stay in a damn relationship with you ! and i try so hard to be nice but it's like you latch on to me like a fucking leech, just admit it without me you would be nothing! you had no one before me, no one loved you until I came along. your so god damn annoying seriously." staring in absolute disbelief and your eyes are so hot as people were now looking his way wondering what was going on and why his voice was growing louder and louder by the minute.

"let me tell you something you sick fuck. I am my own person and i do not need a little boy who's insecure about his penis size to contradict me about me and my life, you may have gotten me to come out of my shell but you didn't make shit, you are not my father nor my mother so you have absolutely no right to speak to me the way you're doing right now. I am a growing woman with my own liberties and ideals and if you didn't see that before, then that says a lot about the way you view me." hot tears are not streaming down your face as you make your way back to the table you were sitting at. you had made sure to keep your voice down so you wouldn't attract a crowd because lord knows all hell would've broken lose.

you sat at the table trying to dry your tears as a wave of nausea comes over you, feeling upset about everything that just happened as his words relayed in your head 'no one loved you' no. he was wrong so utterly wrong, you had friends, great ones in fact, you even had a best friend the one who stuck by your side through thick and thin.

---

"shit" satoru cursed out as he realized he was crying, he was currently sitting behind the flimsy decorations the at covered the bleachers, alone and out of sight form everyone who could see how pathetic he looked right now.

crying over a female.

satoru honestly didn't even know why exactly this little situation had him crying, he had been showed up. nothing new before- girls who flirt with him for his wealth and ditch as soon as the connections start. of course he was used to it, sad but true. he came to the conclusion of it wasn't the girl herself that he was crying over. it was his inability to find love. most people would laugh when if they hear that satoru was true a lover boy, especially with his reputation for moving into different relationships faster than a virgin boy cumming for the first time.

in fact he had been in more flings you can count on your fingers just this semester. but it wasn't on purpose it's not like his goal was to become a pass around. it just sorta happened...

satoru was more upset than he had realized. thoughts running around his head about how unlucky his love life was. He sat on the bleachers, on the last day and most important moment of the first semester of his senior year, crying and alone.

it was so unfair, he had come here with a group of friends and though they didn't come with dates it sure as hell looked like they were leaving with one, suguru and shoko didn't even have a plus one but in the mist of waiting with satoru on his, they had both picked up someone to dance with. which was fine, he couldn't bring himself to be envy of his friends love life. hell even his best friend who stuck by his side through thick and thin was probably around the gymnasium somewhere slow dancing with her-

"hey." satoru immediately wipes his face as he hears your voice. "uh hey, what's up?" he looks up at you hoping you wouldn't notice his red and puffy eyes, but you were his best friend so of course you did.

"are you okay?" walking over to the bleachers you sit a couple feet away from him "yeah, heh why wouldn't i be?" he said with a little sniffle "oh well- this is just an observation but maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're crying... and alone" shit you had noticed, satoru did not like the feeling swarming inside his tummy he felt self-conscious. he didn't want to look so vulnerable infront of you

"well- technically i'm not alone, you're here" he looks up at you giving his infamous cocky smile that you've grown the love you can't help but giggle at his antics "what's funny?" "you" you catch yourself smiling a little to hard at him which causes you to clear your throat and switch the topic of the conversation. "so uh- where's your date?" looking off to the side his smile faded as soon as it came "i don't know if i should tell you, it's pretty lame" he spreads his legs further slouching down as he picks at his fingernails in the middle of his lap.

"satoru i've been your friend since middle school... i've seen your emo phase" his eyes shoot open as he looks over at you in horror "oh my god! you remember that?" a pink hue dusted his cheeks as he remembers the sight of that god awful side part and horrible black eye liner (sorry nanami) "of course i do" you let out with a laugh gojo leans his head back and groan bringing his hands up to cover his face out of embarrassment. laughing once more you decide to scoot in closer, now sitting right next to him, opposite to the few feet when you were away from him. "so?"

"i've been stood up" his eyes falls into his lap not having the guts to see your face of empathy right now. "if it makes you feel better" you lean back and stretch your arms out on the row behind you eyes having the same fate as his "my ex ditched me for someone else then proceeded to call me annoying" gojo felt his heart squeeze as he looked up to see the waterline of your eyes activate "he's a piece of shit, seriously i don't even know why you keep going back to him" redness around his eyes slowly faded and started to fill with anger as he talked about your ex "it's cause- i just- i just want to be loved by someone who truly wants me for me and every time he walks into my life it's usually at one of my lowest points and i just fall right for it!" your best friend watched intensely as he took in every word you were saying as you began to pour your heart out to him all the while in his head agreeing with you since all he wanted was to be loved.

"i mean its so hard to find someone in this generation who truly cares about me, it's like im" you lean forward and put your face in you palms eyebrows furrowed as you let your frustrations out

"doomed for love"

the two of you make eye contact shocked that the same words fell from both of your lips "i get you in so many ways you wouldn't even understand." a comfortable silence fills the air around you for a moment until he broke it (fucking blabbermouth) "for the record, i don't think your annoying, and-" mumbling the last part you look over in confusion "what did you say?" the blush began to creep back up his neck as he looks to the side "i said-" he voice went inaudible once again "toru i can't hear you" "i said you look beautiful tonight!" he suddenly shouted, turning back around to look you in your eyes, the two of you just looked at eachother not knowing what to say next "well thank you, i think that you look very handsome" you scootch over more and lean you head on to his shoulder

at first satoru tenses up not sure what to do but as time went on he relaxes, slowly bringing a hand around to your waist to pull you in even closer into a nice side hug as the two of you watch the other people have fun on the dance floor "jesus, suguru can not dance" letting out a sigh satoru puts his head down embarrassed for his friend who was currently making a damn fool of himself infront of his date you giggle looking around the gymnasium spotting your closet girl friend "if you think he's bad look at shoko" you sit up and he follows suit only for his jaw to drop at the her cruel dance moves "what about-"

"utahime" in unison the two of you burst into laughter as you seemingly spot her at the same time, she was moving her hips so off beat that it was unusual, but hey at least she was happy. after the fit of giggles you return back into the position before "you know, we shouldn't even have come to this thing in the first place- it's so corny i mean cmon, what's next there gonna play a thousand years by christina pe-"

"heart beats fast"

"oh you've gotta be shitting me" you cackle at the perfect timing of his crude joke as he leans back once more. you take it upon your self to get up and stick your hand out in front of him "y-you wanna dance?" rolling your eyes you snatch him up by his blazer dragging him to the make shift dance floor "uh, i'm not sure if i-" "relax you got this, just like we practiced" right. how could he forget that the two of you practice slow dancing together (it was his idea since he didn't want to embarrass himself) just the night before.

you stretch you arms out behind him, caressing where his smooth skin and the fluffiness tuffs of his hair connected as he wrapped his arms around your mid back the two of you smoothly swayed from side to side looking into at another with a smile. "hey let's try something" satoru says he then adjust your hands on him for a more comfortable position and soon enough he's leading the way as the two of you dance together laughing at the little stumbles here and there "okay you ready?" "yeah" just then satoru spins you around so lightly you would think that he thinks you're made of glass, fragile. everthing is in slow motion and you don't catch it, but your best friend looks at you with love filling his eyes. you looked so beautiful. your pink dress illuminating under the fairy lights that hung around. gojo satoru had never seen such beauty in his life. he begins to think how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life. after the spin is over he brings you into a hug one hand wrapped its long arm around your back and the other pushes your head into his chest and he leans his neck down to give you a small kiss on your forehead. the hug catches you off guard by its firmness but you reciprocate nun the less.

"wanna go back to my place and watch a movie?"

[angelstate]

(Don't) Say You're Sorry, Please.

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem! reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending!

Warnings: harsh argument, cursing, mention of alcohol and reader getting drunk, explicit emotions, symptoms of mental illness.

Summary: you and peter were no longer happy, it took a big fight, harsh words and some time apart to realize how much love you felt for one another.

Words: 3k!

you didn't know how it got to this point, when the calmness of a silly discussion turned into a heated argument and a silent competition of who could scream harder horrible things to the other.

It got to the point where you had been crying for so long it was hard to breath and your eyes sting every time you blinked, it felt as if your stuck in the middle of a panic attack and couldn't get out of it no matter what you tried to do.

You didn't even remember when everything went wrong and you ended up here, it was like all your memories had been swept away and now there was a recognizable emptiness that the both of you shared.

you knew everything but could remember nothing.

you didn't had what it took to fight like this with Peter. You didn't have the voice, the feelings or the calculated thoughts to defend yourself.

You threw weak attempts of calming the situation but nothing worked so you let the venom that was boiling in your chest spill over and make you say things you would regret.

The love was long forgotten.

"just shut the fuck up, peter! for once in your fucking life shut the fuck up. You aren't the voice of truth all the fucking time, sometimes you are in the wrong, get over it for fucks sake!" You screamed at him and pulled your hair in an attempt to let out some of the anger you felt.

"i should shut up?! You're the one who acts like a fucking bitch all the goddamn time. You are fucking insufferable, i swear to god sometimes i can't fucking understand why i even put up with your shit!" peter screamed back at you, he was pointing at you the entire time. blaming you for this.

"you put up with my shit?! I'm the one who has a fucking super hero for a boyfriend. If anyone is putting up with shit is fucking me!! You always get hurt and put yourself in danger. you run to saves stranger from small fucking crimes, but who takes care of me?! You love playing hero but always end up getting hurt, What is going to take for you to realize that you are not prepared to save anyone!!" You screamed as loud as you could everything that came to your mind.

You were so done with this shit, with the argument, with the super hero bullshit. It was draining, being there to help peter get healthy every time he got hurt stopped being out of love but obligation.

While he took care of the city you were left to take care of him, but who was making the time to take care of you? Nobody. Nobody was taking care of you.

"i'm not prepared?! I have saved the world more than once! I've gone through hell trying to keep everyone save!! Im more than capable of saving people from small shitty crimes!" peter said trough gritted teeth.

"then why, tell why the fuck you can never help me?! Why you can never save me?! Am i not worth your stupid help!!?" you felt tears starting to leave your eyes harder than ever.

You knew that there was no way you could ever recover from this fight and be like you were before; this was a breaking point that was long time coming in the relationship.

"i don't help you?! every second that I'm not being spiderman im by your side fucking teaching you to not fuck up like you always do!" Peter screamed and raised his hand, closed his fist before letting his arm fall back down.

"you are so full of shit" this time you didn't shouted, your voice was trembling and soft, your throat wasn't prepared for any more screaming.

"you are so full of shit, Parker. we are never together, if you're not being spiderman you're busy doing shit to get better at being a super hero. You are never here for me. Im sorry that when i see you after a long time i want to tell you how my life has been. Im so fucking sorry i want you to be here for me." Your eyes filled with tears again your vision was blurry because of it but you didn't let any more tears fall. This wasn't worth the pain.

"im full of shit for being a super hero? Im so sorry if I'm not here because im saving people's life. I have so much shit going on that the last thing i wanna hear is more problems you want me to fix. I am so fucking sorry i can't fix your fucking life, you won't believe how much bigger problems i have to deal with outside of this fucking room" peter spoke his voice was stern.

In that moment, you realized something. You weren't his first priority. You weren't even on the list of things he worried about.

Why were you still here with him? Why haven't you walked away from a place you clearly weren't wanted in?

You loved peter so much to the point you forgot that he should love you too to be together.

"i think we need a break from each other" you whispered and rubbed your eyes to get rid of the tears.

Silence.

Peter didn't said nothing, just stood in the middle of your room looking completely lost. his eyes for the first time tonight filled with tears and his lower lip quivered in what you could only describe as pure sorrow.

"you don't mean that" peter said and tried to get close to you but you took a step back and embraced yourself.

"it's for the best, peter." you reassured him. it was really for the best. This time it had gotten too far to not notice the two of you needed space.

"no no no, I'm sorry, ok? Im really sorry. Please don't break up with me" peter pleaded.

"don't say you're sorry, please. we just need some time alone." you hugged peter one last time.

"we'll fix this, right?" Peter whispered in your ear and tighten his hold on you. It was so hard to let go.

you couldn't respond, no didn't knew if this could be fixed.

peter just took in your silence and kissed you for the last time, just way to promise to not let the relationship die tonight.

___________

Three weeks had passed since the fight.

thinking back to that night felt like a dream, you could feel the guilt of everything you said weight heavier and heavier every day.

You regretted everything you said, every word you let out that night. you may have ruined one of the only good things in your life out of pure selfishness.

peter and you rarely talked, there was nothing to say, no. There was too much to say and that scared the both of you. what if one you had realized the relationship was going to be fixable?

The fear was ingrained in the both of your minds, both of you suffering because of the same fear.

"how is she?" Peter asked mj, who was concentrated eating her lunch.

"your ex girlfriend?" Mj said sarcastically and looked at peter with boredom.

"we didn't broke up" peter said quickly, the title of ex girlfriend made his heart clench in pain.

"she's sad and doesn't look good at all, Parker" she said honestly and looked at her food before continuing.

"if your dumbass checked on her you would know that" she said and took a bite of a mini carrot.

"we are taking some time apart" peter defend himself, it was true but that wasn't the reason he checked up on you. He was scared of seeing what the decision made to you.

He had shattered since that night, crying anytime he was left alone with his thoughts. He feared to see you in a worst condition than he was. Scared to see how his words bruised you.

"yeah? maybe try spend a life time apart because you don't want to see how you left her, Parker." Mj said in bitterness, you were her best friend and seeing you in pain because of him didn't sat right with her. She understood the situation but would always make the people that hurt you hurt too.

Peter just sat there, looking worried and sad.

You were feeling like shit, every inch of your mind was filled with sadness and your body reflected your state of mind so clearly it was embarrassing to go out looking like the human version of sadness.

right now, you were in one of the stalls of the girls bathroom, trying to eat your lunch but you had no appetite, you stopped feeling hungry two weeks ago.

You couldn't eat, so you took supplements like candy, trying to keep your body healthy but it didn't worked. You lost weight and looked pale.

But it didn't really mattered, nothing felt like it mattered. In your mind, you had no reason whatsoever to care about yourself or anything at all.

_____________

It was Friday night and you were drunk as fuck. not in a party, just in the solitude of your living room, lit cigarette in hand and a tall glass filled all the way with pure vodka.

the tv was on, the movie 'The perks of being a Wallflower' playing but the sound acting as a background noise because all your attention was on your phone, waiting for a message from him to pop up.

How much you wished you had the courage to message him first.

You took a big sip from the glass and felt the familiar warm spread in your chest, your empty stomach had been suffering all day and now was experiment the harshest treatment you had ever put it through.

Not even in your high school years you were careless enough to not eat anything before drinking strong alcohol.

"say you're sorry, please?" you whispered to yourself, trying to force yourself to call him, to admit your mistakes and beg for forgiveness.

You spend two hours staring at your phone, all the vodka in you glass had already disappeared and the entire bottle followed soon after; before you even realize it

"I'll say I'm sorry, please forgive me..." you whispered and pressed to call peter. you put the call on speaker and held your phone close to your mouth.

You had your knees to your chest and had wrapped a blanket around yourself, trying to stay calm and collected.

"hello?" Peter answered the call.

"hi...pete" you said, voice dripping evidence of your drunken state.

"how are you, y/n?" he asked and you heard how he sat on his bed from the way the springs made a uncomfortable sound.

"i'm.. I'm drunk" you admitted and laughed a little.

"I, I really wanted to talk to you, pete." you're voice broke, and your eyes glossed over with tears.

"I wanted to talk to you too, flower" the pet name made your heart clench.

"really?" you asked, your tone filled with the warm that the pet name created in your soul.

"yeah, i was thinking about you, i used my telepathic powers and you called" he joked and you giggled.

"thanks for using your powers, pete" you took a deep breath.

"i called because i want to tell you something" you said and heard how peter took a deep breath.

"tell me, flower. Im all ears" he spoke sweetly, so sweetly you felt your heart clench again.

"i just, i wanted to tell you that i'm sorry, i'm really sorry about everything i said when we were fighting." you took a pause and to stop the tears from falling.

"i don't 'up with you', i honestly don't even know why i said that. you are amazing to be around and i was wrong for saying differently. you're a great super hero and the fact that you put yourself in danger and get hurt just to save other people is admirable. You're more than prepared to be the biggest super hero the world has known" you let out a shaky breath, your eyes betrayed you and multiple tears fell from your eyes.

"and you're right, you do help me to not do stupid things. I just...i just feel like i'm not worth it enough of more attention than the one you give me to save me from my stupidity."

"and lastly, you're not full of shit. That's me, not you. I know you have bigger problems than giving me attention just because i feel like im entitled to your time. I feel really guilty for everything i said. Forgive me, please?" You finished speaking.

Peter was speechless, and his heart already broken heart, ended breaking completely when you bed for his forgiveness.

You beg him for forgiveness? how could you feel sorry for saying the things he needed to hear to wake up and realize he wasn't a good boyfriend? You opened his eyes when you spoke up about how abandoned you felt because of him never being there for you.

If anyone should apologize was him.

"flower..." Peter sighed.

"yes?" You responded, voice shaky and anxious.

"I'm sorry for everything i said too. I shouldn't have called you a bitch. You're not insufferable, your the sweetest and loveliest person i have ever met. i'm grateful that i have you in my life."

"and you're right about me never being there to give you anything other than help, i love you and i thought that just because you knew that i didn't have to remind you every day. you have all the right to tell me how you feel or what you're going through and i should always be there to hear you. I know that you don't want me to fix your life or your problems. You only wanted to be heard but i didn't care to listen at the time."

"thanks for believing I'm a great super hero and I'm sorry that I've been saving people without thinking about how me getting hurt so much and running to you to heal me affected you. I've been selfish in our relationship just because i wanted to be selfless and save people. Forgive me, please"

Peter asked and you took a deep breath.

"if i forgive you will you forgive me too?" you asked back, you also wanted to be forgiven.

"of course, flower" peter answered and your heart skipped a beat.

"then, i forgive you, pete." you said and felt a smile forming on your face.

"i forgive you too, flower." Peter smiled too.

All the weight you have been carrying on your shoulders was lifted just like the light on your soul, you could finally live again. No more sorrow and pain.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" You asked with hope.

"yeah, we'll see each other tomorrow" peter made the plan of showing up at your apartment tomorrow, make everything right and give you all the affection and time you deserved.

______________

(a few months later)

you were sleeping peacefully in your bed, wrapped up in blankets and softly breathing. It was spring break and you have spent all day cleaning so you were having your well deserved rest.

that was until you starting hearing something hitting your window, being a light sleeper you woke up almost immediately, you checked the time on you phone '01:23am'

Still being half asleep you didn't even thought about what who hitting against your window because it was obvious, you stood up, walked over to the window, opened it and turned around to lie down again in your bed.

"hi baby" you said when you were back in your bed, this time your back against the wall to give peter space to lay down with you.

"hi flower" peter pressed the spider in the middle of his suit making loose and fall of his body.

He picked up the hoodie that was on your desk and put it on before laying down beside you, almost instantly he hugged you and you wrapped one of your legs around his waist to bring him closer to you while one of your arms wrapped around his next. Your free hand started caressing his hair sofly.

"how was night patrol?" you asked, your eyelids already closing in tiredness.

"it was calm, i just helped a few drunk guys get home" peter said and rubbing your back, drawing random shapes with his fingers.

"that's good" you whispered.

"go to sleep, flower." peter whispered against your ear and tighten his hold on your waist making you be totally pressed against him, your face in the crook of his neck.

"goodnight spidey" was the last thing you said before falling asleep.

"goodnight flower, i love you" peter kissed the top of your head before falling asleep too.

The both of you finally being the happy couple you deserved to be. The love you felt for each other was no longer forgotten in the pain of misunderstood emotions, now it was more alive than ever, burning and keeping you warm and safe from all the sorrow you had to go through to be happy with peter again.

Everything was fixed and was better than the first time you started to love each other.

There was no longer pain, just peace and the comfortable bed of love the both of you slept in for the rest of your life.

How beautiful it was to love Peter, forever save in his arms.

[hueningsloverr]

౨ৎ txt as musicals !

pairing: ot5 txt x musicals summary: god. idek where to begin. txt as musicals. word count : 0.6k im actually so sorry i even wrote this wow what was i thinking. if you dont know these songs LISTEN TO THEM.

yeonjun : heathers / mean girls there is also a tiny dash of moulin rouge in him

it boy energy is so reflected throughout BOTH

i’m sorry

definitely a candy store guy

he 100% cracks corny jokes like in stupid w/ love

but the amazing theatricality???

the vocals????

SO yeonjun

and ikik abt the soobin meangirl meme but like

lets be real

jjunie just has that energy

and not in a bad way

like in a 'yeonjun told me to dye my hair purple so i did!' way

and when i say heathers i don't mean the negatives

like that musical is fucked up

i mean the level of iconic-ness (?)

sassy man apocalypse fr

"i like looking hot buying stuff they cannot :3" - yeonjun (definitely)

soobin : six

...

i'm actually so sorry for this one!

he competes with himself, that much is obvious

soobin seems like the type to really question if he deserves something - if his suffering was enough

he's the type to compare past suffering to current

like 'well i suffered back then and i turned out fine, i'm not any more important for suffering now' type of stuff

he's the leader, its his job to be the strongest

and he lets himself have some fun

(i mean his first [?] scandal was him showing his middle toe.)

or he could be super serious like the great leader we all know he is

or he's just a total mess, but yet still so strong ??

hes admirable

he's in the history books fr

beomgyu : hamilton

the perfect balance of chaos and serious

i mean he's literally "lock up your daughters and horses!"

while also being "mom i'm so sorry for forgetting what you taught me"

beomgyu was written by lin manuel miranda argue with a wall

its also just so interesting, like gyu

like you could study both hamilton and gyu

a fan favourite

you can't go wrong with hamilton

and you can't go wrong with gyu

hamilton has its… fans

and gyu has his bamtoris

both would doxx you if you speak ill of their favs

the gateway into the community

like gyu was the first member i found out about

and hamilton was the first musical i liked

you dip your toes in, and next thing you know you just spent $25 for some merch

taehyun : hadestown

it’s so sad

yet serene and passionate like tyun

i mean, just look at him

those eyes - that smile!!

boba eyes :3

also, he so was a greek mythology kid

probably bought every percy jackson book / related piece of media when it came out

he knows everything

theres just something so tyun about it all

hadestown is a musical you might not know about

but the second you do you're like "wow wtf i was missing out on literally everything good in this world"

and that's literally tyun too

like if you somehow don't know about vocal king taehyun

the moment you find him obsession forms

or at least in my case

my little tyun🤧

i could see him staring in the mirror going "who are you? who do you think you are"

hueningkai : be more chill (bmc)

you can not tell me this boy didn't have some sort of issue making friends

the photos of him sitting alone at lunch (?) pre-debut???

hes so jeremy heere

because he's really just a sweetie

but no one notices him besides his very close friends

definitely would almost accidentally take over the state of new jersey

type of boy to go all the way if he likes a person

im talking joining the same clubs as them

and even joining the friend group they're in

all of it

we all know he used to think so poorly of himself and talk down on himself

like he had those voices in his head

has his michael in the bathroom moments

thinks he's a loner, a loser, a freak

you know the usual high school insults

but he's able to grow confident, with some help

i luv hueningkai ;3

and i luv be more chill

authors note : i lied this is not based off of making the bed. my bad. whoops. maybe next time!

©2024 — all rights reserved to hueningsloverr , please do not plagiarise or translate any of my work

[goose-duck]

Mandela catalogue short scenarios ✨ angsty ✨

~~~~~~

"ah! Mother fuck- you fucking ass!!" Jonah yelled, jumping around in pain.

Adam is just giving Jonah a look as if Jonah is crazy, "come on, it wasn't that bad.."

Jonah glares at Adam, "you broke my fucking rib!"

"stop being dramatic, the worst you'll get is a bruise." Adam says annoyed.

"you're so damn weak, Jonah." Adam follows up his words with an annoyed sigh.

Jonah walks over to Adam, a harsh pained look on his face, "you're a real dick, you know that?"

Adam responds by letting out a sarcastic chuckle, elbowing Jonah in the ribs again. This prompts Jonah to whine in pain and clutch his midsection.

"why the fuck would you do it again!?" Jonah yelled, tears in his eyes.

Adam responds, "because you look funny when you're in pain" he snickers a bit.

Jonah just lets out a defeated sigh, falling to the floor with a thud and laying there, groaning in pain. Adam just laughs some more before calming himself and smirking at Jonah.

Jonah glares at Adam from his spot on the floor, "quit staring, creep."

"don't think I will." Adam responds in a snarky manner, enjoying bothering Jonah.

~~~~~~

Cesar is sitting on a bench with Mark, the two are just chatting when Cesar's mother walks by.

"watch out for balls, mark!!" She says, continuing on past them.

Hearing this prompts Cesar to start laughing, mark blushes in embarrassment.

"what was that about? Ahaha!" Cesar laughs, having not noticed how embarrassed his friend is.

Mark responds quietly, "quit laughing you ass..."

Cesar starts trying to calm himself but can't completely quell his laughter, calming it to a quiet snicker.

"okay! Okay...tell me..." Cesar gets out between little giggles.

Mark sighs, the blush on his face subsiding a little, "well...you know how I have this black eye..?" Mark turns to look at Cesar.

Cesar looks back at him and nods, "it's pretty nasty, hard to miss." Cesar is a bit more serious now as it is true, the black eye is a lot more than just Mark's eye, it's a quarter of his face.

Mark continues, now looking away from Cesar, "well...you remember that ass? Ronald? Well...he..uh.." Mark sighs, some tears forming in his eyes, prompting him to further hide his face from Cesar by putting his hands over his face.

Cesar looks worried, gently putting a hand on Mark's shoulder, "what did he do to you..?" Cesar sounds concerned and angry, he's worried about his best friend, but he needs to know what happened before he does anything.

"its not like it was intentional...its just...the way he acted after...that's what the problem was..." Mark says, sounding like he's about to cry.

Cesar prompts Mark to continue, "it's okay ..keep going buddy...im here..." comfortingly squeezing his best friend's shoulder.

Mark continues his story through a broken voice, holding back tears, "well, he hit me in the head with a base ball, which wasn't his fault, it was just bad circumstances, wrong spot wrong time kinda thing...but after...he...when he saw me in pain he laughed...he said 'finally, that dream's suffering', he laughed and said he hopes my brain is bleeding so I'll die..." Mark finally just gives up, letting himself cry.

Cesar holds mark tightly in a hug, rubbing his back and telling him everything will be okay.

"oh..ah...its okay...well...its not...everything will be okay...its gonna get better ..okay..? Cry all you need to...im here for you...ill be here...okay..?" Cesar says as Mark cries on his shoulder.

~~~~~~

Jonah's sitting in math class, they have a test, Jonah hates tests. He's one of those people that is great at everything until he has to take a test then he loses everything, can't even remember 2+2.

Jonah's sitting there at his desk, staring at the paper, he hasn't even answered the first question and it's already been 10 minutes. He starts sweating, getting stressed. All he can think about is how stupid he is, how his mother will tell at him for getting a bad mark on his test, how he'll be sent to his room and not given dinner.

Jonah starts to breathe heavily, his vision blurring a little. He knows exactly what's happening, he's having a panic attack. He hates when this happens, he hates feeling so powerless over his emotions. Jonah sits there, slowly breaking down more and more as tears finally begin to fall, making the test paper wet and smearing what little ink was on it.

Jonah starts to get more upset seeing this, thinking about how pathetic he is for crying over something other people find so easy. Why was he so stupid? Why'd he have to freeze up? Why's he crying? These thoughts raced through Jonah's mind, putting more pressure on his already distressed mind.

Adam is sitting beside Jonah, Adam finds tests easy, having finished this one in record time, 20 minutes. Adam hears Jonah sniffling and looks over at him, seeing Jonah shaking and the tears on his paper he makes a weird face at the side of Jonah's head, not understanding why Jonah was crying.

Adam may not know how to express he cares or like to express it, but he is a bit worried seeing Jonah has only written his name and the date on the paper. Adam wonders why Jonah's got nothing done and why he's crying. As Adam's thinking he's making a face, it looks like he's glaring at Jonah, like he's annoyed with Jonah for crying, but he's not, he's just not sure what to make of this.

Jonah looks over at Adam, seeing that look on Adam's face Jonah assumes he pissed Adam off and starts whining his tears, trying to make the crying stop. Adam sees this and realizes the face he's making, relaxing his face and giving Jonah a concerned look. Jonah doesn't see this look though, only telling himself off mentally for assumedly bothering Adam.

Adam raises his hand, calling the teacher over. Adam asks to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat since he's done with his test. The teacher gives him the okay and Adam leaves.

Seeing Adam leave so quickly after him seeing Jonah's tears solidifies for Jonah that he'd bothered Adam with his crying, making Jonah insult himself further.

Adam walks down to the cafeteria with the intent of getting something to make Jonah feel better. Adam isn't good with words and given they're in a test he wouldn't be able to use them even if he knew how, so instead he's using his actions.

When Adam gets the the cafeteria he asks what they have available. The lunch ladies give him the list, when Adam hears there's jelly filled cookies he buys two and quickly rushes back to class. Jonah loves jelly cookies, how could Adam not get him one? He of course bought himself one two, he's got a while until the class is over and snacking may make the time pass quicker.

Adam gets back to class and sets a cookie on Jonah's desk before sitting down in his desk and munching on his cookie, no longer paying attention to Jonah and just zoning out from pure boredom.

Jonah seems Adam set the cookie on his desk and stops crying for a second, shocked Adam wasn't upset with him but had in fact gotten him a cookie presumably to make him feel better, or maybe just to shut him up? Either way it's a cookie from Adam rather than an insult or an annoyed scowl so Jonah will happily take it.

Jonah eats the cookie, calming down enough to try again with his test, he's got 30 minutes left, maybe he can do it. Jonah looks over at Adam hoping for reassurance but Adam's just staring into space. Jonah sighs and smiles to himself, it's just like Adam to be staring into space when done his work, he can do literally anything else, like draw or listen to music, hell, he could even leave the class, yet every time he chooses to just sit and wait for Jonah.

Jonah begins his test, still not confident he can do it, but feeling better knowing his best friend will still be there when it's over.

[comfycozycrossfox]

.

the crazy thing ab rsd is that its not just an in-the-moment "i said something stupid i should die" its getting it stuck in your head for days to weeks and months onward

goddamn i wish i could put the pain i feel from 1 fuck up all into that 1 day instead of having to think about it for weeks after because it does not fucking stop

"remember that thing you said? idiot. you pissed that person off. they're probably still thinking about it and hate you and they just wont admit it. do you remember that? that thing that happened 3 weeks ago? yknow its still valid to kill yourself about it now because it was so bad. and they think that too."

and then you're like "maybe if i apologized again or explain myself or talk about it ill feel better"

but of course THEN you're like "TALK ABOUT IT?? are you fucking INSANE??? talk about this thing that makes you so upset constantly?? what if they tell you that they still hate you?? what if you find out they're even more upset than you thought?? what then? suicide? you can't even stand to think about it, you want to TALK about it? the fuck is wrong with you?"

and by all means you're right so you just suffer with this like, burning fear and anxiety and dread in your chest constantly until its been long enough that you're numb to it, if it was even small enough for that to happen at all

and then you try to express that rsd feels bad and people are like "thats just an excuse for your behavior" or "well i dont want to have to tiptoe around you" and its like--im not trying to excuse anything, im not asking you to change, im just TELLING YOU that when you bitch at me for something, or have a big reaction to something i say, especially if its so minor that there wasnt any reason to anyway, there's a chance ill be disproportionately upset or defensive about it, because i have a Fucking Disorder that I AM ALSO NOT HAPPY TO BE DEALING WITH

[onlyjellyillputinmybelly]

Hey guys i've found myself defending America and it feels weird but can yall tell me if I'm in the wrong here?

(its long im sorry)

TLDR: My friend is an international student, we got in a joking argument about soccer vs football that ended in accusations of racism and McCarthyism. Did I take it too far?

.........

I go to a private college in America (in the south) that I have worked hard to get a full tuition scholarship so I can afford to attend. I have a friend who also goes here that is an international student from New Delhi. I'll call her N.

N is very sweet, but she has the tendency to get very peeved about the culture differences between India and America. I have met plenty of other international students who are also from India (there are a LOT of international students this year) and most of them are very chill and embrace the multicultural area that the school is located in.

I am also, as we may know, an avid arguer. I'm a philosopher at heart. I think disagreements let me get to know people better through how they argue (which helps me know if they'd be a good friend. idk its the tism ig).

So N and I were chilling and out of the blue they send me a reel about how non-americans get mad when americans say soccer and not football. I sent back "its true cuz we're fine with them calling it football but they pop off whenever we say soccer" and she responds with "Because you're saying it wrong."

We've had convos like this and I normally assume they're being light hearted and pretending like its a big thing, so I responded kinda sarcastically "damn learn how to accept peoples differences" and she said "not if theyre american"

Like ok shes being sarcastic back but it feels weird. I started bantering about how other countries also say soccer (australia, south africa, new guinea) and she says "yes but only in the US and canada you haveto clarify what you mean when you say football because yall stole the name."

This confused me cuz tf you mean "you stole the name." First off I didn't do shit, second off how the fuck do you steal a sport? I said exactly that and she replies with "Nothing in america is your own" and holy shit im actually defending america wtf. This is not like me. But im not defending its history or its government, im defending the culture of it cus thats honestly the only good part of it. So respond with a cheeky lil "and isnt that beautiful" and she says "its yall being stupid."

I say "its a melting pot" and she says "a melting pot takes inspiration." I got a lil pissed at this because ok so did immigrants and enslaved people just spawn here? Did they steal their own cultures from their home countries?

They went on for a bit about how america is built off of appropriation, which it is fair that cultures are constantly being appropriated, but there are also cultures constantly being celebrated and fused, and that fusion and appreciation is what has the lasting impact.

I say this and she says "whatever im not arguing with an American" which of course I have to shit headedly respond with "imagine being reductive sorry I'm different than you"

She then responds with "bitch ur white" which yes. But does that mean I dont come from a diverse background and dont have culture? I respond "Yes and I live in a wonderfully diverse city of people who come from different cultures that I learn about and respect and love" and girl goes "those places dont exist in america" THEN WHERE AM I??? SPAIN???

We are literally in one of the most diverse and culture-rich cities in the south (ill give you 3 guesses) and she is saying that there isnt diversity and respect anywhere in america.

Skip forward a bit, she says that america has no culture, then corrects that to say "white america has no culture." That fucked with me a bit because its sus as shit to use the idea of "white america" and "poc america" in an argument. I said that and said that you can't give a concrete definition to "white culture" or "black culture" or "latine culture" cuz thats literally stereotyping

She said that prayer is a big part of indian culture, but isnt necessarily an overall truth for every person, which is fair. So I said then wouldn't American culture be like the national anthem. She said no because every country had a national anthem. I said that prayers are part of other cultures too, but that doesnt take away from the fact that theyre parts of other cultures too.

She then said that the national anthem isnt culture because "thats only for white people" and "a lot of america is only for white people (meaning its been used to disenfranchise poc people but she worded it in a way that sounded a smidge racist but no shade) And I said yea it fucking sucks and its forced upon us but its still well known. Theres no way that prayer isn't used to disenfranchise religious minorities in India, but its still culture.

She then said that white culture and american culture isnt a thing but black and latine culture is, (which tbh neither of us can really speak on, I was mainly discussing the american and latine element cuz I can speak on those) and I said that denying that american culture is just a mix of cultures evolving parallel over time simply because a bunch of shitty white guys founded the country is ignoring the people who have worked hard to make america their home and to carve out a spot for their own culture in this country. Just because people fucking sucked (like they have in the history of every fucking country ever) doesn't mean that people arent working to make the world better in their wake.

She said that poc culture in america stems from years of oppression. I agreed, but I said that racism and oppression isnt an America-exclusive thing. She then said, pretty out of the blue, that " for you to deny that their culture stems from oppression is racist." I said "when did I deny that." She said "you said you dont deny that what youre denying is racist. So that means you're being racist."

This confused me, so I asked "where did I deny that something was racist." Also I'm pre law, so I started getting a lil pre-law-y here. Don't judge me its a survival instinct I got from my parents lmao. She said "I said if you refuse to accept that black and brown cultures are real youre being racist." I said "show me what message I said that."

She said "chill babe theres no need to get defensive" which is literally the worst thing to say to me because boom youve made me into a defense attorney. I hate being patronized. I said "I am not being defensive, you are making accusations with no regard for evidence." (my profs would like that line)

She goes "this isnt a court of law girl" ok girl you act like youre gonna say that america doesnt have culture and then call me racist? I really just wanted this to end so I pulled out the mccartheyism card and said "you cant red scare roundabout logic your way out of being reductive and oversimplifying an enormously widespread country." and we were done. I know I ended it on an accusatory note which I hate, but I feel like shes ignoring so much thats literally going on in front of her face. Did I go too far? I know that I did and I shouldn'tve started the "youre being reductive" circle, but genuinely, the cure to culture shock isnt to be indignant about every difference you see, its to accept it. Its the same in literally every country. You cant just say "no I dont want to."

[cowboy-robooty]

Robooty Reviews: Royal Servant (3/10)

Read this way back in middle school... shared mangago lists with one of my friends and recognized this one and decided to reread. Lord. Who Likes This. The story is about Kyon and his master Lucaon and theres like some plot bullshit since in this world theres these guys who are royals and got these powers that they never fuckin use and live longer too and are strong n all that. and the only way to kill one tho is to give them this special poison that is completely undetectable and the only way to cure it is if the person who administered it fixes that shit. But yeah Lucaon hates servants and Kyon is a servant and Lucaon is a classic stoic scum gong and falls in love with Kyon but only starts being nice to him once Kyon literally spends 20 chapters on the brink of death lol bro got a fever and slit his wrists and fell into an ice pond and then got a fever again and pneumonia and Lucaon went "..... ok ill be nice to you now"

the art is good for this story dont get me wrong but its really really really stiff expression wise. maybe i'm just a little stupid and i need to see a huge cartoon tear drop to tell a character is sad but for realsies I do think that the art is pretty, but the expressions when bitches are fucking dying and shit could be a little more extreme. its okay to sacrifice their pretty boy looks for one pannel trust me..

The romance itself is just like whatevs. I will admit I am a fan of how kyon will just take anything like bro does not give a fuck okay cuz hes madly in love with Lucaon and doesnt care what he does to him. Im pretty sure in one chapter Kyon is just walking in the halls and Lucaon lunges at him and bites him until he bleeds and kyon passes the fuck out from the attack and its just like ok lol. LUCAON DOESNT GIVE A FUCK HES SO MEAN TO KYON UNTIL HES SUDDENLY NOT BECAUSE HE HAD HIS SCUM GONG REALIZATION WHEN KYON TRIES TO LEAVE HIM 15 MILLION TIMES AND ALMOST DIES IN EVERY INSTANCE OF TRYING TO LEAVE. the upside to kyon is that hes a simp and a pussy and he is a bit of a little bitch but he isnt a whiny bitch about it. like lucaon is his tormentor and he finds out that THERES A POSSIBILITY that he could be the cause of Lucaon's demise and immediately is like okay ill kill myself i need to get out of here and thats why he almost dies 10 million times trying to leave bc he only tries to leave bc lucaon's blonde ass brother is like dude. you might cause Lucaon to die since you're a secret spy with your memories wiped. AND ITS KINDA FUNNY BECAUSE HE STRAIGHT UP SEES KYON ALMOST DEAD IN BED AND GOES "GOD I WISH THIS BITCH WOULD JUST DIE ALREADY" LOL!!

When i was younger i was a fan of the pink haired guy (lucaons other brother) and his servant who is his boyfriend and treated as an equal and yeah younger me was right tbh kind wish the story focused on them instead. but ngl i hate the entire family drama thing bc like its the plot and all that but im like WHO GIVE A FUCK? this manhwa is just mid. mid as fuck. I'll admit when i was younger i re read the 20 chapters where kyon is on the brink of death like 50000 times over and over again because i loveeee suicide and i lovee when kyon tries to kill himself a million jillion times and Lucaon is like FUCKING STOP. theres like idk tiny hints of goodness. I can enjoy a good scum gong alright and I do like when Lucaon is like "brah... ive seen you cry more times than smile..... thats kinda fucked" MMMMMMM YES. FEEL BAD. FEEL REMORSE. but its just not worf it okay the manhwa sucks and its 100 chapters or some shit like that bruh moment. I also do like how at the end Kyon acknowledges that hes going to die before Lucaon and Lucaon needs to learn how to love other people than him because he doesn't want Lucaon to be stuck on him forever and ever. I think it was a nice bittersweet thing. In short. just not my thing. mid. equivalent to eating spoonfuls of peanut butter for dinner. Like you can... wont be very satisfying tho

[fratboykate]

I'm a bit new here. Are there any rules for sending you prompts?

not that i can think of? well, the only thing i dont do (or don't do often because y'all have made me break and do some filth-ish thing like once) is straight up smut.

dont get me wrong, i don't think there's anything wrong with sex scenes. im actually one of those people enraged at the current "sex scenes are not important/needed/disgusting" discourse. sex is a part of human existence. a sex scene can tell you SO MUCH about a character or two people. "but you dont see people shitting so why should we see people having sex?" because...again...you dont learn anything from how someone shits???? lol. and, look, even if it wasn't "necessary" for the story, it can still be a creative choice that the writer/filmmaker makes. it's art. those are allowed.

these puritanical gen z folk are driving me crazy with their stupid takes. not everything has to "advance the story". not everything has to be "plot". there's some phenomenally beautiful sex scenes out there that arguably aren't for the plot. but they're stunning cinematography and they tell you so much about the people involved. isn't that what it's all about? getting to the core of of these fictional people we're watching? what's more intimate than sex?

"but there's sex everywhere we should cut back!" you're literally lying...LITERALLY...it's proven by facts and numbers. this is the most sexless period in film and tv history. and the majority of the stuff that does exist is super sanitized. particularly film. we've suddenly decided that everything in film needs to cater to four quadrants/be appealing to everyone in the entire fucking world because thats how the studios make their millions. one of the first things that went out the door was sex and hornyness. it's so fucking stupid. and it doesnt help when people like dan fucking humphrey comes out and compares sex scenes to cheating on his wife so he won't do them anymore. SIR?????? it's acting??? no one is going to force you to do them. its your right to not want to do them. but to say stupid shit like that and equate simulated sex that is very often more choreographed and by the numbers than fucking full on fight scenes to cheating on your partner is BONKERS. it's stupid as fuck.

so ANYWAY...my point is that i truly have so much respect for the art of a good sex scene that i don't think they should be written. i write plenty of them in scripts knowing they're going to be shot. but i don't think sex is meant to be ONLY read. it loses all of the subtleties that the camera would capture. so i save them for when i can shoot them. ill dance around it and give you the beginning of a sex scene maybe, but i'll never go into it in anything that i write that isn't a script.

[murlocks]

hello I'm your competitor in the failboy contest and please tell me about Jeremy I want to hear about your cringefail vampire guy if you're okay talking about him

HI okay yes im always okay talking about him i made a propaganda post abt him but i can probably think up more to say i always have more to say about him

first things first: i hate him. (/pos) i want to wrap him in a rug and roll him down a flight of stairs he is an absolute wet paper bag of a man and i am never not thinking about him.

hes an absolute pussy but hes also an adrenaline junkie so he purposefully provokes his murderous cannibalistic vultureguy boyfriend simply for the entertainment. hes gay and god wont let him die so he finds getting an attractive man to try and kill him quite the emotionally fulfilling activity. asher (his boyfriend) is a little bit fucked up (/pos) so he goes along with it but they both know jeremy will be completely fine its stress relief for both of them tbh

second: some backstory. fair warning for like . vampire-typical religious trauma?? i dunno tbh

he was raised in like . a classic religious town and he was very much a juvenile delinquent so ppl around town didnt really like him and it only got worse when he got turned bc of course everyone in that town was raised to think that vampires were horrible abominations that go against god or whatever stupid shit you can think of theyve probably been taught that. so he kinda internalized all that and obviously when he got turned against his will he had a horrible crisis of faith and was questioning what he did to deserve this fate. obviously if vampires are bad and hes a vampire that means hes bad and he did something to deserve getting turned into one. yeah that boys a little fucked up in the head.

he got chased out of town once he was discovered to be a vampire. after he got turned, he went back home and locked himself away for about a week trying to process it and didnt come out bc he felt like shit physically (obviously, he literally just died and got turned into a vampire, i would feel a little ill about it too) but eventually his like . one singular friend he had in town came to check on him because hed been missing for a while and he told them everything because he thought he could trust them, he told them "there was this guy who attacked me a couple nights ago and i passed out and i woke up in the middle of the street the next morning and the sun hurt and ive been so hungry ever since but none of the food ive eaten has helped and i dont know whats going on. everything hurts and i feel so sick i dont know whats wrong" and his friend is like. Oh. Oh Fuck . and they run off under the guise of finding him medicine/food/whatever but of course instead of doing what they said they would they go straight to one of the towns religious leaders and they gather up a bunch of people to either kill him or chase him out of town.

he escapes, narrowly, but now hes got nowhere to go. hes never left his little town, he has no family or friends to go to, hes basically screwed. he finds himself wandering for days on end just kinda contemplating his life (and beating himself up for getting turned in the first place, because OBVIOUSLY its gotta be his fault somehow. he mustve done something wrong for his friend to be so eager and ready to turn on him its gotta be his fault) and eventually he stumbles upon this little desert town in the middle of nowhere. theres a big old abandoned mansion on a cliff overlooking the town, and, of course, jeremy, the overdramatic (like, theater kid levels of dramatic) idiot that he is, goes, "oh! thats perfect! ill live there!"

and he lives there pretty much undisturbed for approximately 20 years. he has absolutely zero human contact because hes scared of hurting people and he subsists off animal blood from the meager livestock the townspeople own. hes not doing too hot mentally of course, hes a trainwreck with literally nothing to do but sit alone in his house and listen to his own thoughts, but he survives, at least.

until, one day, asher, (my boyfriends oc), one very curious citizen of the nearby town, accepts a dare to go explore the abandoned mansion at the top of the cliff. theres rumors spreading that its haunted, and surely he would earn some respect from his peers if he could survive a night there, right? he can prove theres nothing too dangerous there at all.

until he opens the door. and awakens a very disgruntled vampire from his midday nap.

and the rest is history.

part three: boyfriend endeavors. serious warning for violence and vampire-typical "cannibalism" and less vampire-typical Actual Fucking Cannibalism. also fair warning jeremy and ashers relationship dynamic is more than a little fucked up but theyre both aware of it and its all fully consensual because they are both more than a little fucked up

for a while, they both believe the other is a Completely Normal Guy (albeit, asher is a seemingly Normal Guy with massive fuck-off bird wings and jeremy is. well hes jeremy, but still) until one night jeremy is out and about trying to find some source of food in the town, climbing across rooftops and shit and all of a sudden he stumbles upon asher, elbows deep in a human corpse and absolutely covered in blood. he has the end of a bone sticking out of his mouth. this is completely normal Asher Behavior but jeremy is not aware of that. he loses his footing on the roof he is standing on and goes tumbling down into the street.

asher turns around to look at him and hes got this crazed look on his face and jeremy is just staring at him trying to figure out what the fuck hes supposed to say in this situation because he just fucking walked in on his one and only friend literally Eating A Person but he has no room to judge and asher looks more attractive covered in blood than he has any right to be and jeremy does not have time to unpack all that.

so, after a solid minute of staring at each other, jeremy goes "so. uh. you gonna finish that?" and asher bursts out laughing.

he explains his whole vampire situation and asher explains that he does not have any such situation hes just a bit fucked up and he enjoys eating bones. you know what, fuck it, hes a vulture guy, it makes sense. kinda. whatever. jeremy cant judge.

at this point in time, jeremy is still very much ashamed of who and what he is. he is more than aware that the animal blood he is surviving off of is not very nutritious whatsoever and if he wants any type of proper quality of life hes gonna have to feed off of an actual human person someday. hes not looking forward to it. but asher is just?? fucking sitting there?? eating literal human bones just because he feels like it????? and jeremy doesnt know how to process that. hes morally opposed to it but instinctually he knows thats what he should be doing. and from there on out asher actively endeavors to get jeremy to be less catholic guilt-y about the whole thing. he genuinely doesnt give a fuck and it gives him a headache to see jeremy being all stressed about it so he makes it his life mission to absolutely destroy that boys morals. and it works. it fucking works.

asher is such a horrible influence and he has made jeremy so much worse from an outsider standpoint but jeremys mental health is so much better with ashers involvement in his life and theyre so horrible for each other but theyre also a perfect match. they drive me insane.

ive probably missed a lot in this post and i have so much more i could say about him and asher but thats whats on my brain right now. theyre both so fucked up i hate them (/pos)

[tokencisgirl]

that post thats like 'things in your life will get as bad as possible before they get better' literally not true for m-- welllll in 2022 i was so anxious about shit i literlaly couldnt swallow my own spit and then proceeded to reconnect with my platonic other half but here im referring to recent stuff -- e bc while Yes while recovering from my mental illness shit has made me aware of Every single time i do a bad habit/etc, it's been...pretty fine?

like, every time there IS a bad thing in my life, big or small, it's still -- this has jackshit to do with recovery idc Read my words boy -- theres still other good stuff. a whole lot of adulthood for me has been finding out that it's good and bad, neutral, that people will help if you're visibly struggling to hold smth heavy (literal) and ask if you're okay if you look like youve been crying/zoning out/etc, buttt also they might have this or that pet peeve or be inconsistent or what have you. making a phone call asking when your appointment is bc you forgot and feel stupid abt it but it turns out fine because It's That person's job and they'll probably forget minutes after you hang up etc. it's good and bad. it's pretty okay

sorry lol every single time i face any stage in my life ever as an adult it always turns out fucking fine or good or So much better than it used to be or pleasantly surprising or relieving or not so difficult after all or Hard but literally every single person around me has done it before and is super willing to help me with and tell me how to do it and that its not that big a deal etc etc etc And it makes me SUPER resentful of the adults that were around me when i was a teen that would ONLY say 'oh being a kid rocks being an adult is torture just kys before you get Old (20. they were talking about being in their 20s) lmao i wish id died rather than become an adult'

cause like i'm sorry i know a lot of life circumstances are not super controllable atp and i do wonder how much of my life being pretty okay is due to me Having Money, but everything my life has been even at the worst parts since i moved out makes me think holy fuck were these sad sacks of shit TRYING to have a shit life??? probably because they were relying on a 16 year old making Nice Posts to feel better about themselves and treating her (me!) like an angel reincarnated for it. but life gets better and better and better the older i get, the more i learn, the more people i see, the more things ive experienced, the more awful shit ive been through/done and that i learn from, the more people i hate and the more i love the people that i love, like... how the fuck does your life manage to be WORSE than when you were a TEENAGER? or is it that you never mentally/emotionally grew from whatever dogshit from your Teenage Torture Cycle and then got bills to pay on top of it :msnblush:??? /sorry this is snarky. i hate these people for making me dread a future that outshines the life i lived then in pretty much every single fucking way and every time i'm like I Want to go forward, actually, i'm excited to and anticipating what's next in my early adulthood steps of life, it's just.. man. way to be a role model in my life at the time

point is adulthood rocks getting older rocks my life has bad facets yeah but it's worth it and continuing to move and grow and do stuff and Make Phone Calls and Deliberate over how to spend my money helps me build a better life and future and not the opposite. the people around me were wrong, this rocks actually. i like to expect bad stuff Just in case but it's largely been fucking fine and where it hasnt ive bounced back pretty quick. Life is not that bad. it's worth it. i have things to look forward to. i anticipate a better and better life the more i learn and the more i step into recovery things that are so new to me now, they'll become second nature later and then i'll spend my energy healing other things that tear at me and the more this happens the less i have to suffer about and Life Good. mmmhaha

[onmymasa22]

I feel like right now, i just have to let go. This happens in the worst times. Why is it that when times are the worst, i feel the best. I feel like the stress to preform is taken off and everyone accepts me as i am. Its a release. Its shichrur. I just go with it. I want to do fun things. I let it all go, i be direct, i dont waste my time. I have boundaries. Im just not the same person. Im not who i used to be.

I see people who have life figured out. They have jobs and see their friends and look happy. They have successfully adulted. I feel like that thats where i fail. I have not successfully adulted. I dont have a job yet because im trying to catch up on school. Im getting a degree in art which doesnt really point to a job. Its not like being a nurse or social worker. Sometimes i wish i did that instead so msybe my life would make sense. I feel like i dont know where the end of the road will get me. I get my grades from idiots in a school where the teachers are stupid. I have put myself through a stupid situation from my choice. And i look at people who are nurses and married and happy and i think, where the hell did i go wrong. Where was the lesson on pick something that will be normal. Why couldnt i have a normal life. I just compair my life to othets when people look at my life and are shocked. Like how did u do that. I just want a job. A job gives you a life. It lets me breathe. It gives me money to support myself. I want to just be. To love my life and enjoy everything as it is. To make money so i can eat well. I want to just enjoy everything.

I hope u choke in your sleep you fucking idiot.

תקשיב לסיטואציה. חברה אחת בדירה שלי אמרה שהיא תמצא לי חתן טוב? שאני אגיד לה מתי והיא תסדר לי דייטים. אז מה קרה- היא אומרת לי שיש מישו מזה נשמה, לא יודעת איך קוראים לו, אבל אני אצא איתו מחר. בסוגריים היא לא אמרה לו שהיא לא מעוניינת. אז היא אומרת לי לשמור אותו בפלאפון אז הוא שמור אצלי כ"מישו" והיא דוחפת לי את הפלאפון להיות כמו המזכירה שלה להגיד שהיא לא רוצה אותו. אז אני אומרת לו והוא מזה לא מבין מה קורה כאן. זה 00:30 בלילה, כן? אז היא אומרת לי אחרי שיחה שאני לא כלכך יודעת מה להגיד לו שקורה עכשיו לשלוח לו הודאה. היא לוקחת לי תפלאפון ואומרת

Today is day 100 and some are dancing. Some are mourning. Some dont know what to do with themselves and are trying to just keep breathing. I think i fall into that third group. Its this feeling of trying to be ok in a new normal. The mix of the war, the weather, the aclimation to differences. This year, i lost friends. I'm just trying to breathe. Can an entire nation be depressed. To be alive during a time where israel is being sued for genocide and germany is on israels side is wacky. I guess, if you feel depressed, and you're waiting for the warm sun, for the feeling of vacation and summer, for no more war, for beach days, for sandals and icecream and evening breeze and sunsets. Im with you.

פעם הראשון בחיי שמישי באה עלי באמצע שיחה עם חברה, ואני לא מפחדת מזה, אני לא

I need to really listen to myself enough doing wjsy other people want. I want to d what i want

Hashem please heal me. Please make me feel better. Please make my headstop hurting. I want to just be ok.

Would you marry yourself? Yes. I appreciate myself. You need to show.

I dont want to go every week, out of my way to see ppl who dont go out of their way to see me. I cant kill myself for u. Im stopping to kill myself for other people. Ur not worth me killing myself for. No one except my famiky will kill themselves for me. I dont want to feel bad for not coming. They make me feel bad for not coming, fir not calling enough, for not any of that. I really regret heing in that picture. It was so bad. Like so bad. But i loved netanel. It was just really bad. I know what that feels like. Sometimes if i dont end up taking it ill have trouble getting out of bed and doing anything. And if u have a super high work ethic with that, its two opposites and i just hated myself. So id tell myself, ok, this is just the lack of ur concerta or ritalin, just breathe, and take it tomorrow and hopefully tomorrow will be better. Or if u want to take a break from it, u say tomorrow will be better because your body needs to get used to being off it.

Sometimes being off your meds for a day can be really hard. Either you forget, or you need to get more, or you are going on a break from it because of the side effects. Its overwhelming to be on meds. Because off it, you are unpredictable ranging from will you be an adult that day to will you get out of bed. And then on it, you arent hungry, headaches in the evening, you might feel like bugs are on you, constipation. Its not a perfect situation either. Its a scenerio u get to choose, sure. It bdcomes more predictable, it eases you feeling overwhelmed, allows u to organize your brain. But i have cried from the thought that eating enough will always be difficult- not from any disorder, just with the nedication- not hungry at all- zero appetite, without medication- cant get myself to food shop, cook, eat, clean up- its alot. Its probably the hardest thing in my day to day. Just making food for myself. And people have called me anerexic or having an eating disorder. And its really not. Its nust hard, and i never have a constantly big appetite. When im busy, im never hungry. I can go until i feel i have zero energy left in my body and then

The nova party really affected me. Im condtantly seeing pictures of people i knew or people who my friends knew. When the war started, i kept saying that i feel like we need a short leash. Everyone needs a really short leash. We need to really hone into whats really important and let go of everything else. I feel like the energy of the people at the nova party went into me a bit.

You had goals

You had things that you wanted before your life turned upside down.

You loved coffee in the morning, talking to friends, going to the beach, eating pizza. You loved slow friday mornings and breathing in the sun. You loved music and color. You loved laughing so hard you cry joking with friends in the middle of the night. I want to just do things that i enjoy.

I'm with people where no one knows where they are going. This isnt medical school. We're all just here for the ride and we're enjoying being with each other for it.

Its the first time someone came to me, interrupted a conversation with a friend to tell me how what i did wasn't ok, and i took it, but knew as it was happening that it wasn't about me. I couldve dont it differently, and i definitely would have had i known that it bothered her. With the same information, had i done everything differently- no, not at all. If i wouldve known it bothered her, would i have done it? No.

I feel like now alot of people r just somebody's that i used to know.

כשהמרצה מראה אמנות של

Nguyen Dinh Dang

ומספרת על אמנות אסית ולא יודעת בדיוק מאיפה במזרח ואני אם חצי שם חצי לא כאני חולה אומרת בלי לחשוב פעמיים "זה ואטנאם" וכולם מסתכלים עלי בהלם. והמרצה שואלת איך אני יודעת ואני אומרת שכתבתי את עבודת הפרוסמינריונית שלי באמנות ויאטנמית והשם הזה מוכר לי.

[behindbrowneyezz]

Im going to write to you like i never have before. Even though ive wrote you a hundred times but have never sent anything because i know how little you care. I just cant imagine being heartless in the way that you are. IM sorry that i didnt grow up into the adult you wanted me to be. Its weird right. As a little girl i truly thought I was going to work hard to make you proud. BUt after my senior year i did realize that i had to take a leap and trust my gut to have my own journey... I think youre probably disappointed in me. YOuve made it very clear that my emotions and feelings towards ANYTHING is 'just drama'....But im here to tell you that youre wrong. Im valid in the fuckin way you make me feel, im vaild in the way you all made me feel. I fucking hate you all still for going behind my back and taking MY gift so dominantly. I wont lie about that. I still have so much anger about you all and i think you all fucking suck for that. Id say that to any of your faces if you asked. Thats what is so wild to me. Its wild to me that there is adults like you that can trash their children so easily. The fact that you threw all my shit into garbage bags. Left. && I can count on one fucking had how many times ive seen you since 2011......i mean. what trash. Maybe you have such anger because you're still so triggered over Andrea. Its funny that you expect ME to just 'get over' everything but here you are.......pushing 50 and STILL SO TRIGGERED OVER YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DEAD BEAT BABY MOMMA. I bet you do hate me. Maybe even more then you hate her. Im proud to be like her. I know that makes you sick to your stomach to hear but its true. All my childhood, i hated her. But by how you treat ME, i bet you tossed her to the side too. Women hold nothing to you.Lets face it. YOull probably lose Katie too. So i hope youre saving your money for that day. I wish i could hate you, i dont. I just feel sorry for you. What a disgusting heart you have. What a miserable person you must truly be on the inside. Its even funnier that i really believed Katie when she told me you would cry over isaac. You deserve each other, ill give you that (Hahahahaa, by th way katie told me how she's even tried meth before. Don't think i dont know how you CHEATED on her as well, you coward) See hers the thing. Youre weak. I think you must of always been. Stupid me thought you were a man of honor. Youre not. YOure still that little loser that chose a drug addict to have not 1 but 3!!!! kids!!! Imagine. Imagine if any of us were like you. You wouldn't be here for us. You would just let us all suffer, worse than you do now. I dont like you. I should of never looked up to you....i literally hope out of all the BORED SNOOPYING you do...you find this. Youre still a coward. You lie about who you are. You dont love your own kids. && YOU suck the life out of every person you are around. There. I said it.

not your abandoned daughter, just ANDREAS FIRST BORN <3

[disappointed-and-depleted]

If Asmodeus doesn't rank up, I will riot

I swear, I'll kill, I'll do it, he should be Vav right now and I'm tired of pretending he shouldn't be