#THE IMPOSTER SYNDROME IS HUGE RIGHT NOW

[indynerdgirl]

Hello, my lovely followers! I hope you're all having a good Monday so far. 😊

I just wanted to let you all know that starting tomorrow, I won't be as active on here during the day as I currently am because I'm starting a new job tomorrow that has much stricter internet use policies on work computers than my current job. Because of that, I expect my active Tumblr hours will shift to the last afternoon/evening (I'm in EST if that helps!).

While I'm super excited for this new chapter in my life to start, I am kinda disappointed that I won't be able to use Tumblr as my daily brain breaks like I currently do and I'll also miss being able to chat via messages.

Anyways, wish me luck and say some prayers for me because I still feel like an imposter. 🙃😆

[wickjump]

i love cross so much it’s not funny anymore. i want him to be brutalized beyond recognition. i want him in a meatgrinder. i wrote him being disembowled once. he is my favoritest boy. he deserves to be dehumanized and treated like a dog. he deserves to have his loyalty used against him. he deserves to act stoic and then cry in his bedroom like a child because he hates feeling small and sometimes nightmare reminds him of xgaster and he hates it and he wants to die actually. and he misses his old life and his friends and xtoriel was like a mom to him and he misses her and he misses his siblings and frisk before he knew what he really was and he wants stablility and to be loved but he doesn’t know how to get it and the one time he did with epic he forgot him and now he’s friends with someone who gives him imposter syndrome purely by existing because cross feels bad that he’s not the cross epic knew but epic doesn’t care and cares for him the same. and killer is mean to him and makes digs because he wants to see cross snap but instead cross just cries because he’s canonically a huge fucking crybaby and he cries over everything including when he can’t put on a shirt right he cries so much and then killer goes ohh uh shit you good man and cross hates it even more because he wants his anger to be taken seriously but he can’t stop the tears so he storms off and xchara taunts him and cross hates everything

[insomniac4000]

I have an idea for a fic about will! So u get invited onto the fellas or saving graces podcast and since their in the same building where will films his videos you could like bump into him and just something along those lines aha

Fellas to lovers

1517 words

Y/N felt the nerves build up with each step she took walking down the East London Street, eventually she made it and looked up at the light brick building with big windows; The Fellas Studio’s where inside were some of her favourite Youtubers and content creators. For months and years y/n had watched these people form the comfort of her own home but now, she was considered their contemporary but she had a huge case of imposter syndrome.

“Hi, I’m Y/N I’m here for The Fella’s podcast?” She said to the receptionist politely. The receptionist gave her a pass and sent her up on her way. Cal and Chip were waiting, just talking casually on the chairs when they heard footsteps on the stars and a very nervous y/n entered the room. The boys were lovely, they spent a few minutes trying to ease nerves and ran over some questions before the recording was about to start. Y/N clutched the microphone, steadying the slight shake of the hand just as Calum announced recording.

"Welcome back to The Fellas Podcast, the place where we get the most interesting people on the internet to sit down and chat. Today, we're excited to have someone who’s not just interesting but downright viral. She’s been breaking the internet with her hilarious skits, relatable content, and just that magnetic personality. Please welcome TikTok sensation, Y/N!" Freezy did the intro and y/n smiled through the nerves as much as she could.

"Thank you so much for having me, guys! I’m a huge fan of the podcast, so this is a bit surreal for me."

 "We’re excited to have you here too! First off, how does it feel to be the queen of TikTok right now? I mean, your rise has been insane—millions of followers in such a short time." Cal started off with an easy question to try and ease y/n in as much as he could.

"Honestly, it still doesn’t feel real. Sometimes I wake up and have to remind myself that this is actually happening. It all happened so quickly, you know? I started posting just for fun, and suddenly it’s like—boom—everyone’s watching."

"Let’s talk about that ‘boom’ moment. Was there a specific video or a moment where you thought, ‘Okay, this is really taking off’?" Chip asked

"Yeah, there was one video that really kicked things off. It was a skit about dealing with overprotective parents, and I guess it just resonated with a lot of people. The comments were flooded with ‘This is literally me!’ and people tagging their friends. The video hit a million views in like 24 hours, and from there, things just snowballed."

"I remember that video! It was everywhere on my feed for days. What do you think it is about your content that connects with so many people?" Freezy added in, by this point y/n’s nerves had subsided massively, her body language relaxed more, she stopped playing with her long brown hair as much and she allowed to self to sink back on the sofa a little bit more.

"I think a lot of it is just about being relatable. I try to tap into those everyday moments that everyone experiences but maybe doesn’t talk about openly. Whether it’s dealing with awkward social situations, struggling with mental health, or just the weird quirks we all have—if I find it funny or interesting, chances are someone else will too."

"And you’re not afraid to get personal, either. You’ve shared a lot about your own life and struggles. Was that a conscious decision from the start?" Chip was now coming in with a more personal question, it was one of the ones they had shown y/n at the start so it didn’t come as a shock and she was ready to answer it.

"At first, not really. I was just making content that felt natural to me. But as I started getting more followers, I realized that people appreciated that openness. I think it helps people feel less alone when they see someone else going through the same things they are. It’s therapeutic in a way, for both me and my audience."

"Has that openness ever backfired? We all know the internet can be a brutal place sometimes." Cal already knew the answer to this question, it was something all content creators needed to know how to toe the line.

"Oh, for sure. I’ve had my share of trolls and negative comments. There were times when it really got to me. But over time, I’ve developed a thicker skin. You have to, in this line of work. At the end of the day, I try to focus on the positive feedback and the amazing community that’s been built around my content."

“And you definitely have at least one massive fan in this office, apart from us a certain Mr Lenney always comes in and shows us your videos,” Chip added and as him and Cal had a little laugh about it.

“No way really?” Y/n tried to laugh along and tried to seem like she was calm and just going with the flow but on the inside her heart was beating faster, Will? That beautiful blue eyed boy who’s content she had been watching for years? He liked her stuff?

“He’s also single now so feel free to drop downstairs to his office once you’ve finished here, I bet he’ll go wild! Anyway enough about the lanky Geordie idiot what does the future hold for Y/N? Are you sticking with TikTok, or do you have other plans in the works?" Chip asked, y/n was grateful that the conversation had changed now, although she was now thinking some thoughts about that Geordie male that she could never talk about in public.

"I’ll always have a love for TikTok, but I definitely want to branch out. I’m working on a YouTube channel right now, and I’ve been talking to some brands about collaborations. Maybe even a podcast—who knows? The possibilities are endless, and I’m excited to see where this journey takes me."

"That’s awesome! We’re sure whatever you do next is going to be huge. Before we wrap up, any advice for aspiring creators out there?" Cal asked as the podcast was about to wrap up.

"My biggest advice is just to be yourself. Don’t try to imitate what’s already out there. People are drawn to authenticity, so find what makes you unique and run with it. And most importantly, have fun with it, if you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, it’s not worth it."

"Wise words! Thanks so much for joining us today, Y/N. It’s been a blast having you on." Chip smiled

"Thanks for having me, guys! This was a lot of fun."

"And to all our listeners, make sure you’re following Y/N on TikTok if you aren’t already and keep an eye out for her next big move. Until next time, take care!" Cal signed off the Podcast and once the recording has stopped y/n exhaled a deep breath.

“You did really well, you should be proud of yourself,” Cal smiled giving y/n a small hug.

“Thank you so much, I’ve never done a Podcast before and I was really nervous but you two made me feel really welcome so thank you,” y/n told both of the boys sincerely. There was a little small talk but then Chip and Freezy needed to leave as they had a meeting. Y/N thanked them again and made her way downstairs, she momentarily paused remembering what The Fella’s had to say about a certain someone. She continued down the stairs, pulling out her phone ready film a TikTok when she felt her body collide with something.

“Oh my God I’m sorry,” y/n cried as she looked up and saw a male, dressed in all black, a mullet on top of his head, smile on his face and an iced coffee in his hand, it was him.

“No harm done. I didn’t expect to see you here,” his northern accent thick, as if often got when he was excited.

“Oh I’ve just filmed a Podcast for the fellas. I’m Y/N,”

“Oh I know who you are,” Will’s smile got even bigger, y/n tried to push back a blush.

“I just didn’t want you to think there’s a weird fan running around all of your offices,” y/n joked. Will sipped his coffee slightly smiling.

“No, I know who you are. Hopefully the guys were nice to you?”

“Oh they were, they erm…” y/n hesitated for a moment to think about if you wanted to say the next bit but there was a spark in her which told her to go for it. “They said you might be a bit of a fan?” y/n asked cheekily, biting her bottom lip slightly with a smile. Will sighed.

“Those fuckin’ morons. I do enjoy your TikTok’ yes.”

“It’s okay, I’ve been known to binge your videos too. And not for James,” y/n added. Will’s eyes sparkled.

“Well that’s new. Say, what are you doing now?” Will asked, his smiled dropped a little bit and he started to play around with the straw in his drink, y/n shook her head.

“Nothing really.”

“Fancy joining me for a coffee?” Will asked, trying to steady his voice, he was doing a good job of it, he looked very calm and cool. Y/N smiled, her heart beating out of her chest.

“I’d love to.”

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

yknow we do a lot of like stevie realising she's transfem bc of a dare or like robin telling her about queer stuff and having a 'you can do that?' moment, but now im thinking of stevie who figures it out entirely on her own and doesn't know how to tell anyone. like she doesn't fully have the words and even with robin it's like. one thing to be gay but gender stuff is a whole other level and she has no idea where she stands on that

but like, stevie who used to play with his mothers makeup as a child, whose parents would laugh at his antics until he got too old to be so childish, time to act like a Real Boy. and every time he's supposed to act like One Of The Boys he thinks of how it felt when his mom would do his hair for him and comment on how alike they looked, and how much better that felt, and he knows that isn't normal, and he has to be normal

but after the upside down that really seems to matter less. nothings fucking normal anymore, why should steve be? so she starts branching out a little. breaks into her mothers closet again, tries on all the clothes she left behind when she went on her latest trip. slowly amasses a decent collection of makeup by going to several different stores over the course of months with the excuse of 'oh my mom/girlfriend sent me to pick up x'. she doesn't do the Whole Deal often, in case nancy comes over or later in case the kids suddenly ask her to drive them somewhere. doesn't do anything that can't be removed in like three seconds. and she's definitely never telling anyone about this. she doesn't know anyone who would understand.

after starcourt, she wonders about telling robin sometimes. like sure, stevie doesn't like men but she's still like. some kind of queer. robins the only other queer person she knows (and yeah, robin turning her down bc she was only into girls did sort of hurt, but it wasn't robins fault bc she didn't know, and also it turned out stevie just didn't understand what actual friendship felt like so it was for the best anyway), so if she can't tell robin who can she tell?

but something always stops her. robins technically never done anything that makes stevie think she'd be mean about it, but there's something like imposter syndrome keeping her mouth closed. like she's not the right kind of queer. like robins being queer the good and honest way and stevies just being some kind of freak. and yeah, she knows it's dumb to think like that and robin would call her a dingus if she said it out loud, but it sits pretty heavy in her heart

so it's not until after vecna, when stevies on the eddie shift in the hospital and eddie says, while high on possibly every drug in the world, 'man i spent all that time trying to grow my tits and bats ate an entire boob in under five minutes' and stevie goes ??? what???? and eddie, still too high to self-censor, makes some comment like yeah they weren't huge but that black market estrogen i got was finally working its magic, definitely had like an a-cup. rest in peace. and stevies like why were you growing boobs?? 'bc girls are supposed to have boobs, man, keep up'

and eddie passes out again like five seconds later, but stevie just sits there watching her snore with her heart about to beat out of her chest because. holy shit. she's not the only one. eddie might understand, might be able to help her, if she was able to grow her own boobs. stevie would love to grow her own boobs. she'd stuffed some socks down a bra once and they looked lumpy as hell but even just the suggestion of a bust had almost brought her to tears.

and suddenly, looking at the sleeping form of the first person stevie has ever met that she's ever had this so intrinsic thing in common with, everything doesn't seem so scary

[horizon-verizon]

I'm still on my self-imposed Tumblr writing break but I had to share this comedy gold mine where Condal tells us all about "impostor syndrome" before I'm overtaken by the urge to write an essay on it instead. I have no time to cook. Fortunately, we've been served a meal on a silver platter.

https://bigthink.com/high-culture/house-of-the-dragon-ryan-condal/

House of the Dragon, which premiered in 2022, might have continued that [Game of Thrones] trend. Instead, the show proved a return to form, offering the same Shakespearean dialogue and political intrigue that made people fall in love with Martin’s fictional universe back in 2011. The second season is just as good, if not better.

I can see that this is going to be a very fair assessment of Condal and his work.

“Every day,” Condal confesses when asked if he suffers from imposter syndrome. “For me, though, it was less the scale and scope of House of the Dragon and more its visibility that intimidated me."

😭😭😭 It's okay! He wasn't worried about whether he'd do a good job! He was just worried about how visible his ingenious work would be.

Appointed for his encyclopedic knowledge of Martin’s oeuvre, Condal has — in his own words — “played with fire” without getting burned. In the following interview, he demonstrates his mastery of Westerosi lore and explains why all history – real or imagined – ultimately amounts to propaganda.

The business major is about to tell us about historiography. The question is, does he understand historiography? Or does he think he's inventing a new concept?

Condal is a relative newcomer to television. In his previous life, he graduated from Villanova University with an accounting degree and spent eight years working in pharmaceutical advertising — quite different from working as a Hollywood showrunner, but not entirely unrelated.

Yes, we know. It's actually very related. Especially the way Condal does it. I'll also point out here that his university was a private Catholic institution. I don't feel the need to connect those dots right now.

"I also learned to compromise, adapting your writing to clients who aren’t always going to love your brilliant, avant-garde choices. That’s the talent-studio relationship, right there."

I... this tells us two things about the writing process and attitude behind it. Two things we already knew. But... it's sure telling.

"I was able to navigate challenges that some of my colleagues with filmmaking and art history degrees maybe weren’t prepped for."

In theory, nothing wrong with this^ statement. But in context...

While some criticism is valuable, too much can lead to creative paralysis. “I tend more towards the negative than the positive, so I made a conscious decision to stay away from social media when I got this job,” Condal says. If anything, he believes the healthy distance he maintains between himself and his audience has improved the show: “Audiences think they know what they want, but sometimes, they have to be given what they need instead."

I repeat my prior sentiment.

Ultimately, Condal’s own passion for Martin’s writing outweighed any doubt he had about his own. “I’m trying to make the type of show I would enjoy as a fan, which I am. And while I realize my ideal fan show will be different from someone else’s, I still think that it’s a good true north heading on my compass. Actually, I think that’s why HBO hired me in the first place.”

Oh, we know.

“It was hugely intimidating, moving to a new country [the U.K.] and working with a new but also hugely talented crew that I had to — not tell them what to do, exactly, but lead them; collaborate with them. I definitely had to earn my place, but think that — because I came in with a clear vision of what I wanted for the show — those relationships were easy to establish.”

Make it stop.

The most important part of making a successful fantasy show isn’t the sets, costumes, or special effects, but lore. Fictional places like Westeros have their own unique cultures, customs, and social institutions, all of which help create the illusion that this fantasy world is as real and complex as our own. To transfer that illusion from page to screen, the writers must know Martin’s work as thoroughly as Martin himself. “It’s not just me,” Condal says. “We are all deeply entrenched fans of George. One of our writers has worked with him for many years. If I’m a graduate in Westeros studies, she’s an archmaester,” referring to the order of academics sworn to advise and educate Westeros’ nobility.

Well that explains why they're worse than Gyldayn.

Condal: “Textual references are best done in light touches to remind people that this is a fully realized society with hundreds of years of mapped-out history to it. And you don’t need an entire scene to do that. Instead of writing, you can communicate details environmentally through props like heraldry. For the fans, these little touches tell them they are in good hands. Better yet, they know the details are there just for them, the hardcore fans. For everyone else, the casual viewers, this stuff is flying by 100 miles an hour, and they probably won’t notice it. But it’s there.”

Again, there's nothing wrong with this^ in theory. In. Theory.

“I’m definitely an architect,” says Condal, “and I think I have to be as a screenwriter, because our life is so deadline-driven. The literal definition of a playwright, W-R-I-G-H-T, is ‘one who builds plays.’ A dramatic writer is almost by necessity a structuralist, and I very much fall into that camp.”

Now wait for it... wait for it... Keep in mind these are Brinkhof's (article author) words. But wait for it.

Martin, by contrast, identifies as a gardener. While this writing style — with its many unexpected twists, turns, and deaths — helps explain what made Game of Thrones so successful, it may also have been responsible for the show’s eventual downfall. Sticking to Martin’s analogy, “gardening stories” grow like trees, their narratives branching out in an exponential number of paths, making them difficult to finish. As of today, Martin has spent more than 14 years on the next installment in the Song of Ice and Fire series, his prolonged bout of writer’s block forcing Weiss and Benioff to come up with their own ending.

No words. Now back to Condal.

“The advantage we have over them is that we’re dealing with a finished text, where they were working with an unfinished, living work,” Condal says. “Where the Game of Thrones team had to trim down 5,000 pages into a few dozen scripts, we’re challenged in the opposite direction, turning around 100 pages into a multi-season arc of television, and that requires a lot of invention.”

Oh? So... you do know where it's going. Which means your "inventions" should... probably lead there?

Condal treats Fire & Blood like a real-world historian might treat a manuscript from the Middle Ages. “These three writers all had personal agendas which, to me, seem to reflect one of the main themes of our show: powerful women living in an unbreakable patriarchy. The writers, particularly the priest, appear to blame the war on the squabbling between Rhaenyra and Alicent.”

No comment for now. No... comment...

House of the Dragon pretends to show the real history that Fire & Blood recorded and distorted. Some events happen the way the one of the three authors describe it, while others contain elements of all three conflicting accounts. Others still indicate that none of them got it right. As a rule, every character in the show is far more complex than the jester, maester, and priest made them out to be.

I... I... I... I... I...

“Alicent can be the stereotypical evil stepmother at times,” says Condal, “just as King Viserys, played by Paddy Considine in season 1, can come across at weak. However, the thing that in-universe historians don’t get about Viserys is that he was carrying the burden of a prophecy passed down through generations and couldn’t tell anybody about it. A lot of his supposedly weak decision-making was actually in service of this secret prophecy. We were trying to show that there was more to him, that multiple things about him could be true at the same time.”

Must... Resist... Urge... To... Write... Essay...

“We have to arrive at the same endpoint as the book,” he reminds himself. “Whoever George said becomes king must become king at the end of the war. Hopefully, though, we have a bit of latitude leading up to that, to show how history has been interpreted differently at different times by different historians. I realize I’m playing with fire, but it does excite and fascinate me — to be able to comment on how history is made, not just this fictional history, but all history. It’s all propaganda to some degree.”

😭 The clownery.

Historiographers weep.

@rhaenin-time, you must be stopped. Ryan should be , too, but you have decided to bring me in close proximity to this nonsense. I am sitting here, eating chewy ChipsAhoy, and you came in here like a wrecking ball with this news....I hate you. [read, this is a joke]

I don't think I'll be able to address every thing I want to address in this. I want to be done with this show, I have been tired since the 6th epi of the last season.

Condal is a relative newcomer to television. In his previous life, he graduated from Villanova University with an accounting degree and spent eight years working in pharmaceutical advertising — quite different from working as a Hollywood showrunner, but not entirely unrelated. [...]

I also learned to compromise, adapting your writing to clients who aren’t always going to love your brilliant, avant-garde choices. That’s the talent-studio relationship, right there. [...] Audiences think they know what they want, but sometimes, they have to be given what they need instead."

Who tf does this man think he is?!!! Yes, I needed mother-son coochie eating. I needed to have a brown girl erased for a rapist to become a family man with a sick child. I needed Cole fucking Alicent at least 3 times instead of a brown haired Targ make instrumental alliances with more people to add to his stepfather's armies in the Riverlands. I needed to see nonexistent and sterile parallels. I needed to see a black woman be burned alive when she actually died at least surrounded by family, her ignored by her husband so his later marriage to a white girl be that much more special. I needed to see a disabled man jerk it over a queen's bare feet like she's in OnlyFans and doesn't know where her next meal is. I needed to see a pretten prince jerk it over a window and barely even tell what his brother was doing later with Vhagar instead of another preteen girl bond with the most powerful dragon of the then living ones. I needed to see a woman so much more hypocritical than her book counterpart be framed as one of the wisest women to exist while she praises Jaehaerys I of all people for having a peaceful reign as if his decision to have that council have no bearing on the burgeouning war coming up right now.

He can't even properly write character ACRTION as opposed to REACTION (Seth Abramson's article on substack):

Appointed for his encyclopedic knowledge of Martin’s oeuvre, Condal has — in his own words — “played with fire” without getting burned. In the following interview, he demonstrates his mastery of Westerosi lore and explains why all history – real or imagined – ultimately amounts to propaganda.

And yet Daemon dislikes his daughter or grow impatient with her bec she doesn't have a dragon....while he only claimed one at 16 or a bit younger with Caraxes AND Targs don't actually bond with dragons in the cradle that often, actually usually doing it in preteens to teens AND Aegon I definitely had to bond later in life as well. And said that Aegon I lived/was alive when Old Valyria still existed. Allowed Criston Cole to be called Dornish both by Alicent and the fans without giving us any explanation or exploration of that identity esp when canonically he came from the Stormlander part of the Dornish Marches. "Encyclopedic" my nonexistent ballsack! He has no authority to claim that F&B is so unreliable that he can't tell truth form agenda-motivated fiction and then claim himself intelligent or "brilliant" at the same time!

"avant-garde"...yes bc it's so revoluntionary and creative to have a man lick his former home from his own mother in a "vision". As if making a woman her son's character tool wasn't something HBO already did with its female characters and perform male gaze....okay...As if he's special and different from other male writers and it not just keeping with ASoIaF adaptation tradition. It added so much to the story other than the sick eroticism of something already cleared up last season.

I definitely had to earn my place, but think that — because I came in with a clear vision of what I wanted for the show

No you didn't. If you did, you wouldn't have had a such a problem with the pacing, the numerous inconsistencies, plotholes, the [if true] possible merge of Rhaena and Nettles and many episodes would't contradict each other as if one writer disagreed and vetoed another. And you'd see why/how show!Rhaena's purpose must be kept more or less the exact same as her in the bk for the post-Dance environment. We'd have Maelor. We'd have Daeron mentioned and described much earlier, not as some sort of random ass surprise that is bound to thrown so many locals off when he does appear.

If I’m a graduate in Westeros studies, she’s an archmaester,” referring to the order of academics sworn to advise and educate Westeros’ nobility.

....what the fuck does this even mean?! There are no fucking graduates of anything in Westeros and there are no archmaesters of real life bc the set ups in education of EU medieval history vs Westeros are so different it's not even funny. there are no universities for one to even imagine there are Westerosi "graduates", and there is no way you can tell if a graduate would be more or less educated than a grandmaester, bc we don't have rules of "graduation" or gradations of maestership. the modern school system can never be properly equalized in structure or depth or habits to Westerosi maestership, the instituton.

Therefore trying to create some sort of analogy as if grads exist in Westeros by immediately using "grandmaester" for another you're aligning yourself with is just so stupid. worst part is, I know exactly what he's trying to say, but his use of this device is so wrong, that I'm mad and ure people will just take this at face value instead of see how inept this man is with literature analysis and thus creative writing. Reminds me, ironically, of his saying he's inspired by PARADISE LOST in writing S2...if you don't sit yourself down to hell, sir!

Martin, by contrast, identifies as a gardener. While this writing style — with its many unexpected twists, turns, and deaths — helps explain what made Game of Thrones so successful, it may also have been responsible for the show’s eventual downfall.

And there it is, Ryan is prepping to use the ole fan excuse of "not much story left" excuse people had for D&D, and it makes sense how he would considering how F&B is considered to unreliable to adapt even the clearest events and characterizations as they are given....

[peaches2217]

This has been such an amazing birthday!! First up, my birthday fit:

Got the shirt for like $15! I’ve felt so oddly confident today? Walking around like I know I’m hot stuff. 😂 I also got myself a pair of bracelets:

I wore the trans color bracelet on my left wrist and the NB color one on my right all day. I’ve flaunted the NB colors proudly plenty already, but this is the first time I’ve really let myself rep Trans Pride. Could it be?? Am I finally overcoming my crippling imposter syndrome and accepting myself as a trans enby without restraint?? Well I certainly hope so, because it feels good.

I worried my mom would get flustered seeing me like this today, because she’s still Not Very Happy with the knowledge that I’m not cis. But she had nothing but good things to say; she loved my haircut and my shirt! Given I was actively aiming for masc today, part of me desperately wants to believe that’s her way of saying she’s coming to terms with my identity. Whether or not that’s the case, it still felt really nice.

Speaking of nice, the waitress at the restaurant we had dinner at gave me free cobbler and ice cream! I went with blueberry cobbler. It was delicious.

You know when a pastry looks rough that it’s gonna be the best damn thing you’ve ever tasted.

Now I’m back home, and I’m about to settle in for the night with a new blanket and a new addition to my collection! What better way to end the day?

I wanna thank everyone that wished me a happy birthday so, so much, and a huge huge huge thank you to @wahooitsamee @itsavee4117 and @bberetd — y’all’s art touched my heart, and I’m so incredibly grateful 🥹🥹🥹

[gemmahale]

So I've temporarily paused my queue. It's just me, shouting into the void again. (The queue will maybe come back - there's some 800 some odd posts in there.) Just as an FYI.

I've been stuck in my head since...my work trip last weekend? Which, tbf, 12 hours of windshield time and a day of interacting with people is a fair bit.

(I'm cutting this because y'all don't need my yapping, but I need it off my chest. Go get some water or a beverage of choice instead.)

TW: mental health discussion. I am safe, I am not going to do anything brash.

But Monday I came back to an email from my boss - apparently two clients had stopped in to speak with him because I hadn't answered their calls (all are within the last two-ish weeks, maybe more?).

A huge part of my job is that timely client call-back. And one place that I consistently struggle in. We've had this discussion going on for 6+ mo now on how critical this call-back part is. The whole thing of what we do is timely, scientifically backed information.

I'm shit at calling back. I hate doing it. I hate troubleshooting people's plant problems. It just seems so...inconsequential. People are stressing about a dead spot in their yard (that's probably over watered and over fertilized and a sterile environment) and it's just...get some perspective, y'know?

I don't know. I love this job. I love the impact I could have. Get me talking about how people deserve healthy ecosystems and food access and such and I'm going a mile a minute.

But I'm paralyzed when it comes to solving these stupid "inconsequential" problems.

I have a newsletter I've been talking about sending out since FEBURARY. It's now AUGUST. It's unsent. I just hit a wall every time I sit down to set it up.

Same thing with the volunteer program I manage. The workshops I'm working on. All of it. Wall against wall against wall and I'm scrolling tumblr for the 43rd time that day.

And I don't know what to do. I'm scared. That's what it is. I'm Scared I'll give bad information and something will get killed and it'll be my fault.

(yes that's capital S scared.)

I don't know what I'm going to say tomorrow in our meeting. I know I'm on thin ice. I'm going into my 3rd year of this. I shouldn't be struggling like this. My RSD is so fuckin' bad that it's locking me up and shutting me down.

Part of me wants to be fired. Just "this isn't a good fit" and out the door. Proof that I'm not cut out for this job. Because all I have succeeded in doing is failing my colleagues, my peers and the clientele that I interact with.

I'm self-sabotaging myself and I don't know how to not to.

I love the opportunities this job has. But I'm terrified of failure to the point of breakdown. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that, right?

It's imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, other terms I've forgotten. having a name for it doesn't help any - just reinforces that I'm doing it to myself. And that's what hurts the most.

I haven't told anyone I'm struggling. It's hard to reach out. Kallen's been dealing with nightmares and job bullshit and high pain days (and his listening is problem solving/therapist-ing, which isn't what I want or need). My friends are all bogged down with their lives - unemployment, moving, divorces, childcare, and I'm not going to burden them with this gunk.

The irony to this is that I just told a friend to lean on me - because that's what friends do when they're in tight spots. Lean on each other, support each other.

But really it just means: Justify that I'm worth being here/being friends with me by making me useful to you.

God I wish I didn't have all this brain goop. I wish I could just scoop it out and poke at it under a microscope and dissect what happened to make me like this.

Gemma find a therapist. <- Whole different conversation. There's a dearth of mental health providers out here. I quit looking in 2021 when I called 5 places and they all said they were not taking on more clients and the one I tried we didn't vibe with each other. Fuck being a (mostly closeted) queer woman in small-town America.

[kierancaz]

I’m watching Kung Fu Panda so obviously I’m getting emotional.

Tai Lung is such a wonderfully crafted villain thats so sympathetic be even so you can’t excuse everything that he’s done.

The animation is beautiful and so subtle and detailed especially in the scene when Shifu says that he’s sorry, that whole fight scene between Tai Lung and Shifu is amazing actually.

When I was younger I never really noticed it but Tigress gives us an explanation for almost her ENTIRE CHARACTER in one sentence when she’s telling Po about the history of Tai Lung, “Shifu loved Tai Lung like he’d never loved anyone before… or since.” And it never felt that heavy to me because little 6 year old me was always just like “haha panda make silly sound and face!!” right after.

Po’s self doubt and imposter syndrome is also something that’s more obvious to me now that I’m older and also so much more relatable. There’s something about him asking Shifu “how? How?” Over and over only being met with Shifu’s silence until finally he admits he doesn’t know how to turn him into the dragon warrior.

And then moments later Tigress flinging herself off the Jade Palace is just plain awesome.

Also, I’m a huge sucker for fight choreography and all three of the Kung Fu Panda movies have such awesome fight scenes. Also each character has a distinct way of fighting based on their size and species which is just such cool attention to detail.

I know everyone and their mother had talked about or at least knows how great these movies are but I need to put my two cents into everything so here it is.

[suzukiblu]

hi! i have a question for you, if that’s ok? i always try to leave comments on fics i read, especially on ao3 where it’s really easy to do that. in other fandoms i’ve been in, before getting into dc, fic authors often responded to my comments on their works and it was pretty easy to make friends through that and other social media and have lots of fun interactions talking about the fandom and our favorite characters etc.

however, i’ve found with this fandom it seems to be very different? almost nobody seems to respond to comments on their fics and i’ve found it very difficult to make any fandom friends, even in a casual-tumblr-mutuals kind of way. (this isn’t about you btw, you seem like the friendliest person i’ve come across on here so far which is why i’m asking you haha)

i completely understand many people are busy or some authors may find responding to comments overwhelming, but i was just wondering if this is something you or anyone else has noticed? is it a quirk of the dc fandom in particular? or am i just getting older and fandoms in general are changing haha, idk.

anyway sorry for the long ramble, feel free to ignore if i’m making no sense. i really enjoy all your stories (and your art! your art style is so cute!) and i hope you’re having a great day :]

Thank you, I'm glad you like my stuff! Especially the art, that I always feel like I'm worse at, hah. ❤️ I hope you're having a great day too. And asking me questions is always okay, no worries! I can't always get to everything in my inbox, to be honest, but I do my best to respond to as much stuff as I can. Either way, though, I never mind getting questions.

Personally I don't currently respond to most of my comments (I try to answer questions that aren't spoilers, but that's usually it these days) because it's just really easy for me to run out of spoons doing it and end up down a rabbit hole of comments instead of actually WRITING, which stresses me out because then I don't feel suitably "productive" for my imposter syndrome brain, and I also know a few people who don't respond because of anxiety or things like that, but I don't know if it's specifically a DC fandom thing or an overall trend in fandom in general? Every fandom is different, obviously, and also certain SECTIONS of those fandoms are different. Like, when I was into MCU fandom, I never really expected super-involved responses when I wrote Stucky because there was SO MUCH Stucky that it seemed like a lot of people just kinda churned through it and it all blurred together for them, but when I wrote about Darcy Lewis oh BOY did people come out of the woodwork to tell me how much they loved it in GREAT detail. Having a niche in general helps, I think, because if you're doing something that isn't super-common or interested in something that isn't super-common, people will be more excited to see it from you or hear you appreciating it from them.

I WILL say there's only a couple DC authors I can currently think of who I generally assume I'll get replies from when I comment on their fic, but I don't know if that's the specific fandom or just that I'm not reading a ton of fic right now and therefore have a smaller pool of authors I'm commenting on. Like, it's hard to tell, honestly. Also DC is a very widespread fandom and pretty old and established, but there's definitely characters and series and canons that just get ignored by huge chunks of it, so if you're into them you either have a real easy time finding people who are excited to talk to you or a real HARD time, depending on where you're looking.

Either way, I think it's really great that you try to leave comments on everything you read and a really good habit for the fandom ecosystem, I know a TON of authors who appreciate getting even, like, a single friggin' emoji or kudos, whether they respond or not. Literally any not-a-hate-comment comment is good for the ecosystem, imo, even when it's not obvious that it is. I very literally once wrote, like, eighty thousand words pretty much just because someone left a very kind comment on an old fic I'd abandoned. I did not actually RESPOND to that comment, as far as I remember; I just changed my mind about abandoning the fic and went through the long-ass process of getting my brain back into it and then the even longer-ass process of writing another 80k over the next few months/year until I got to the end. So like, I VERY much am a person who believes in the value of feeding the ecosystem, hah.

I am largely a call-and-response type of writer myself, so like, getting comments or people talking to me in my replies/asks/messages is basically like somebody is putting tokens in the fic machine and pulling a lever, and we'll all just see if I write three sentences or 80k or secretly tailor a fic towards things a frequent commenter's mentioned appreciating/being into. It's a surprise every time, with me!! And like, that's just how I work, of course, everybody's different, but I have NEVER met anybody who told me they didn't like getting comments.

When I leave comments myself, I tend to feel like more like I'm just telling the author that I think they're on the right track with the thing they're writing, one way or another, and letting them know it got a reaction or feelings or the like out of me, but I'm generally not really expecting a response from them. For actually making friends, I've found MUCH more luck in talking to people on Tumblr and Discord than on AO3. I've made friends on AO3 on and off over the years, but it's just much, MUCH easier for me to do on Tumblr and Discord. Though I kind of have a cheat code there in the sense that I'm a pretty prolific writer and so I've kinda encouraged people to get into the habit of checking my blog pretty frequently or even put alerts on for it, so generally people have a lot of opportunities to talk to me or be reminded I'm around.

I tend to notice people who show up repeatedly in my Tumblr mentions, personally, especially when they talk in the tags or comment in the replies or send me asks, and some of them I've either become friends with or just, like, secretly adopted as secret faves and sometimes sneak little extra treats of Things I Think That One Tumblr Person Would Like into my writing or pick specific WIPs to work on because I think "hey last time I wrote this [ TUMBLR FAVE ] really liked it, I should write more!" (and then I cackle in triumph/delight when they reblog it later, for that is a Victory, mwahaha), but like, it's a process? I definitely feel like making friends in fandom is generally slower than it was once upon a time, but also I'm a Fandom Old so there's been a few migrations and such over my time online too. And also Discord confuses me, hahaha. Discord is VERY confusing to me.

Ummm . . . okay I got INTO that reply, I guess, lol, but I hope that answered your question? Or at least helped answer it, if nothing else!

[lavender-romancer]

What Does He Have That I Don't?

Imelda Reyes x Reader Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Imelda didn't understand the feelings going on in her own head, but she understood even less why you would be in love with someone who was so terrible for you.

*°*°•.˜”*°•.˜”*°•.˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”°*

Whether it was flying, or herbology or exploring Hogwarts, you and Imelda had always been together. Learning new spells with one another and talking about the latest gossip going around the school- usually including Gareth Weasley’s explosive potions. Everything felt so… correct. You were usually only with one another, slept in the same dorm, had classes and free time together. It made sense that you spent weekends together and just about every other bit of time.

You became closer and closer, Imelda opened up to you about the pressures of her family and how she never felt she could fail at anything because of how disappointed they would be. She had never talked to anyone about it before but she wanted to tell you everything.

This had never happened before, sure Imelda had had friends but nothing like this. It felt different. When she thought back on it, she might have felt a similar way towards Nerida but it still wasn’t the same as this. She wanted to stroke your hair, have you fall asleep on her, kiss you and- Imelda stopped her train of thought and opened her eyes wide. She ran to the nearest bathroom and leant over the basin, gripping the sides so hard she thought she might break it. She wanted to… kiss you? This couldn't be right. Maybe she didn't get enough sleep or something. She did not want to kiss her friend. From that moment, Imelda made herself believe that.

You continued to get close with one another and trust each other even more. With Imelda making things up like; you have something in your hair, let me get it out or I've started to learn palm reading, can I try it on you? Just so she could feel your warmth, imagine that you looked at her the same way you looked at him.

As soon as he came into your life you were transfixed, all you could talk about was him and how brilliant he was. Imelda just had to hold her tongue because if she told you how much she despised Sallow you would only push her away.

How could she tell you about the feelings she was having when she didn't even understand them herself? How could she tell you that the feelings she had for you were the same Sebastian had for you? Imelda was outwardly headstrong but her anxiety got the better of her in many situations, the whole of her friendship with you had felt like a huge experiment into how deep her imposter syndrome went. She never felt good enough to be your friend, or that she deserved your friendship. Now it was exacerbated to breaking point. Imelda knew she would be better for you than him, she knew that she could give you so much more, care about you more and never make you cry. But alas, you would still collapse onto your bed with a satisfied sigh and talk nonstop about how Sebastian had smiled at you in potions class.

Every night Sallow would knock on the dorm room you and Imelda shared to say goodnight or take you off gallivanting round the school or the Highlands. It usually gave Imelda time to wallow, she had never been this bad of a loser in all of her time in quidditch. She couldn't stand the fact that you looked at Sallow the way you did. The two of them seemed ridiculously in love and Imelda dreamed of you looking at her like that. She knew it was wrong and her family would never accept it. But she couldn't hold it in.

What was happening? Why was she feeling this way about her friend? Having to turn away when you were changing your clothes because it suddenly felt like an invasion of privacy or, when they would talk about crushes Imelda would always have to lie and choose some random boy. Was this normal, or just another thing that would make people despise her? She respected you too much to ruin your life by revealing this dark secret no matter how much it was slowly killing her from the inside out.

Regardless of knowing Sallow was a fucking idiot who would never prioritise you, Imelda knew she would put her all into caring for you. She already did but not in the same way Sallow could. A jealousy bubbled inside her that constantly threatened to jump out at anyone who dared question her. She had taken to spending more time alone because hearing you talk for the umpteenth time about the same boy made her chest hurt by this point. You told Imelda about how he had made you cry, that he had cast the cruciatus curse on you for a fucking book or something. Imelda wanted to kill him right there and then, but you explained it away and went back to fawning over him. How could you not see that he only cared about his own interests?

Some days Imelda felt like challenging Sebastian to a duel or something of that nature. He didn't deserve you- not that Imelda thought she deserved you either- and could never treat you with the amount of care you deserved. You deserved the world, all the riches in existence and the softest hands to care and look after you. After all the hardships and loss in your life you didn't need anyone else hurting you.

Today was an evening like many others when Sallow knocked at the dormitory door and Imelda wrapped a robe around herself before returning to her bed. You jumped up excitedly and opened the door, but something happened that made Imelda have to catch her breath. They kissed. A short and brief kiss, but a kiss all the same almost like they were used to doing it by now and we're just saying goodnight in the shroud of familiarity. Imelda turned onto her side, facing away from your bed and did anything she could to get that image out of her head. Over and over it played, a cruel reminder that people like her would never have the chance to prove they were just as devoted and loving.

After that moment, Imelda stayed so far away from you that a lot of people were noticing it. Even Ominis had asked Imelda if there was an issue because you had been upset. But Imelda brushed it off saying that she was focussing on her studies. It had been months by now. Months of excusing herself from situations where you were, going to bed early so that you didn't have time to debrief at the end of the day. Imelda couldn't see you without wanting to cry, that fucker Sallow was your boyfriend. The two of them were bonafide lovers and it made Imelda hate herself more every day.

Imelda felt like she was floating through life with nothing to keep her grounded. Nothing to root her to reality as her heart continued to break, she had begun silently crying herself to sleep. Nothing could fix this because you didn't want her, you only wanted him. Maybe one day Imelda would be able to tell you the truth but she had begun to realise that you had probably begun to hate her. Their friendship was barely intact and it was Imelda who had been pulling away the whole time, you probably felt abandoned.

This hurt had to happen, for the both of you. Without it Imelda couldn't leave you, she missed you so intensely it hurt but when she left Hogwarts she wouldn't have to worry. In a few months she could switch dorms, forget any of it ever happened and if that meant you would be stuck with Sallow, that was how it was meant to be. The story that Imelda had inside herself was never to be told, she would never love freely. Maybe it was dramatic but every time she looked at you it felt wrong, it felt like this was meant to be. If you only felt the same.

[livelaughghoul]

Esteban Ocon Through Tarot

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only, nothing observed or taken away from this should be considered fact. As a reminder, I know fuck all about Formula 1, I just like fast cars (DALE EARNHARDT LIVES ON IN MY DREAMS, GOD BLESS AMERICA).

My approach to tarot is different from the typical approach. While I use it as a tool for divination, I much prefer to use it to explore more about myself and others as a people. Tarot is an amazing tool taught to me by a family member, and that has influenced how I read and find meaning in the cards. Anyone may look at the cards and have a different meaning and understanding, and that’s perfectly fine. Tarot is unique, and we are all allowed to find meaning in our readings differently. 

For this, I wanted to do a two-card pull. The first card is what part of the personality is shown to the world, and what the person wants their public perception to be. The second card is more of that hidden personality, the real side that isn’t put on for the public or media's sake. In a sense, this is very the sun and moon when it comes to astrology, which I want to dive into as well a little bit. It may be difficult to do since not all birth information is available, so the charts may not be 100% accurate as birth time does impact that. 

The outward personality: 9 of Pentacles

The 9 of Pentacles is the hard work that one has put in finally paying off. It’s this ability to feel balance even when things aren’t at an equal distribution, largely due to the comfort that one feels in their current standing in life. It’s a laid-back, almost natural luxury and charm. When it comes to the personality, I think that there is a lot of warmth and comfort being exuded. To me, this seems like the first person who is offering to take others out to dinner and pay, a love language of gift-giving (even if it’s super small things). This is the embodiment of making sure the ones you love are taken care of, in understated ways. 

The hidden personality: Page of Wands

I am not a huge fan of any of the Pages, they radiate fuck-boy energy and it gives me the ick. I think when it comes to the personality and this being the more hidden or reserved personality, this to me screams having the blinders on. This man is dedicated to what he believes his purpose is and will do whatever it takes to meet his own goals. I think that with this particular card, there is a lot of potential manipulation, and it’s likely easy to take advantage of him and his kindness. 

What I find interesting about his birth chart: 

Mars and Venus first house placements: 

This is the house of the self, it’s literally who you are. I love it when both Mars and Venus share a house. The Venus influence can be seen through subtle charm, mannerisms, and the need for friendship, whereas the Mars can be seen through impulsivity, confidence, and hard work. I would say that there is a subdued dominant personality in there somewhere, more about controlling the situation for his own comfort than the need to dominate others. 

Leo Stellium with Mars, Rising, and Venus: 

In this house, we love a stellium. Even if it brings conflict and tension, we love the absolute energy boost it brings. This particular combo tells me that there is a lot of passion and creativity, and I bet this man argues with his whole chest. 

Saturn in Aries (retrograded at time of birth): 

I absolutely love Saturn, I feel like it’s one of those misunderstood planets! Esteban is also going through his first Saturn return right now, so he is probably going through it right now (same bestie, same). Having his Saturn in Aries really leads me to believe that there is a lot of personal conflict, and likely a struggle with imposter syndrome. A lot of the Saturn influence begins to really calm down once you reach your 20s, picks back up again when your Saturn return hits, and then cools down again. I think right now there is a lot of struggle in finding belonging and figuring out responsibilities and duties, but I think that this is a really important time to go through. 

Oppositions of Mercury and Saturn, Mars and Neptune: 

Oppositions are really interesting to me, mostly because I am a chaos gremlin and these bring things out of balance. 

Mercury and Saturn being opposed tell me that this man is blunt as fuck when he is in a bad mood. Once that social battery is drained, the snark meter goes off the charts. There is also a lot of control needed. 

Mars and Neptune being opposed honestly is horrific. In my personal experience, I see this a lot with addiction and substance use. This opposition needs to find a healthy way to cope when things get challenging, there is a lot of personal work that needs to go into finding healthy coping mechanisms.

[enden-agolor]

Hey enden! I just wanted to reach out as I know these are hard times for you. I’ve been wanting to say something and give you some support, but I have never known what to say, so I’m just gonna wing it.

First off, I would like to preface by saying you are an incredibly humble artist and writer. You carry great talent, yet you seem to almost expect people to not notice that. Never forget your talent, and that even something you spill out at 2am will most definitely be praised. You inspire me to create, I have been in a art and writing slump for so long. I got caught up in life and lost the love for it. You’ve lit that spark in me once more and want to get me creating, and most definitely writing, in honor of you!! That’s amazing man. You have some real special talent, and the mcsm fandom alongside others are seriously so so lucky to have you.

Second, I send nothing but love and support to you and your boyfriend. I know everything will work out just as you guys need it to. If she doesn’t get her karma legally, she most definitely will another way. I know you guys are so strong and will pull through with flying colors!! Death of a loved one is never ever easy, and the worst always happens to the best people. Know that none of what happened is your fault, don’t let guilt consume you, and both of you take care of and love yourselves. You guys seriously deserve it.

Lastly, on a less dreary note, I would like to ask if you had any fan fiction prompts for Jesskas? I want to write so bad, but I cannot come up with a proper idea that is really interesting and solid, yanno? I want to write something long, that I can really pour my heart out into. So if you had any tips or story prompts, it would seriously be appreciated, and you of course would get a huge shoutout, as you would with or without helping me since you are such a huge inspiration to me.

Best of wishes Enden!!

This may be a long response, so here-

First off, I suppose you are right when you say I don't really expect people to enjoy the content I create. It's not an easy concept for me to grasp. I have a lot of trouble seeing how people can like my stuff so much, or god even say I'm their favorite mcsm artist when there's so many others out there that carry so much more skill with colors and backgrounds and such. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but it is an incredibly hard habit to end. It's why I'm so shocked when I see actual fanart of my aus, or god even my writing. I cannot go back and read me own works for the life of me because I just cringe so bad at it, so when people say it's good I really just have to trust them and believe it.

All I could ever dream to do is inspire people to create and grow with their own imagination, so hearing that my stuff has done that sort of thing for you (and others who have told me the same) it brings me so much joy, but it truly is entirely hard to believe that it's me and not someone else being the one to do that. I don't know, but I am very honored to hear this from you. It only inspires me to push myself further and I don't know. Maybe some day I can push my imposter syndrome aside and really get a firm grasp on my full potential and be proud of it.

And thank you for the love and support towards our situation... As the days go by I fear more and more that that woman will get to keep her dog and nothing will come out of this other than we just have to move past it. So I hope you're right when you say she'll get her karma some other way. I've never in my life wished something bad to happen to someone. Not like this... So if karma does catch her, let it be as devastating to her as it was to us.

Now, real life shenanigans aside, we can get to the jesskas stuff 😏

For fanfic prompts, I always suggest exploring canon before getting into anything truly ambitious. If there's a certain scene in the game you'd like to further explore and add on to- do it! Like I've always wanted to write a fic that gets into a deep emotional moment between Jesse and Lukas after Jesse rescues Lukas and Petra from the Nether during episode 8 and they all enter the player dorms for the night. Just those off screen moments where you can take the characters and add more to the story is easy and fun in itself. I always like to look deep into the emotional aspect of it all, and really dive into how the characters might be feeling after a situation and how that gentle moment alone together could bring them closer. What I already mentioned being a good example because it's directly after PAMA, Jesse having to watch Lukas and Petra(or Ivor) die, and so on. There's a LOT of feelings to explore there. If that's something you'd want to try and tackle, go for it!! But if there's another scene from the game that really sticks out to you that you feel could be so much more, go for that too. It's good to start small and practice how you want to write the characters. Only reason I started a huge fic like Recovery straight away was because I'd been rping jesskas for like a year and a half already and was confident I knew how to write the characters and I wanted to do more for the little community by writing a nice big fic.

And again, it's Minecraft. There's a whole world to explore and put these two right in the middle of it. Think up certain scenarios you like and add on to it! Like if there's a certain scene you really want to do, build to it. Give the characters a goal and put obstacles in the way so you can really flesh them out on the way to that goal. What made them want to go there? How do they get there? What do they do when they get there? How do they communicate with others that might also be there? And how differently do they treat eachother compared to how they treat the others? Those are all things you really want to know ahead of time. Also pay attention to the scenery. Really look into the visuals your mind creates and do your best to get into the details about it all. There's a lot to get into with writing, and the best part about it is you're in complete control, so go crazy with your imagination, especially since it's Minecraft. It could be entirely self indulgent, or even something out of your comfort zone. No matter what it is, it's still growth and it's still progress to being a better writer. Just make sure you're having fun.

Also, thanks for taking the time to send this ask. I appreciate you 🩷

[readychilledwine]

Are you doing okay?

A lot of you have asked, so it's a little rough out in these parts, but I am getting there.

Warnings - openly discussing Liz

I have a huge case of imposter syndrome right now. I'm rapidly approaching 3k and that is causing me to feel like what I'm writing just.. isn't good enough? And that is killing my drive to write.

I addressed it in The End, and a lot of you seemed to have picked up on Eris being baby daddy and me being the sad little wife. There is potential that if I can't shake this feeling, I will be taking a hiatus after Rhysand week until Eris week, or potential for me to actually hiatus a series for a little while.

The big issue aside from that is that we are short-handed at work. I worked 3 weeks straight at one point, got a couple of days off, and then worked a week and a half straight, and my priority is Sophia.

This issue, thankfully, has been resolved, so I am hoping with being able to get back into my normal routine after next week, I'll be able to get into a routine here and avoid hiatusing my account or any series.

Thank you to everyone who reached out and made me feel like I was not just a content machine. You all have no clue how much that means. I love you all so much.

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Hey Reid!

I'd like to ask for some academic advice:

The extended abstract of my first paper ever just got accepted to a not unnotable conference (speaking people in my field know it by name) and with it come the reviews/ guidelines to be included for the full paper version of it which are... mixed.

On one hand I'm elated beyond to have a my paper accepted by a reputable conference a semester into my master's degree, on the other some of the reviews feel really mean?

Do you have any tips on dealing with imposter syndrome in the face of negative reviews? I feel like I've been unmasked as a fraud

Ahhh, good ol' Reviewer #2 and their crippling effect on one's self-esteem. Right now it seems like the criticism is steep, which is difficult because this is a piece you are proud of, and (of you're like me) your self-esteem is tied to academic performance. Based on your undergraduate experience, you may not have received criticism like this before (I know I didn't).

All of that is valid, but might I suggest looking at the situation a little bit differently?

You have, by all accounts, written a piece very early in your career that was deemed to have intellectual merit by a significant scholarly body! That's huge! It means that somebody read the piece and thought that your argument was good and would make a significant contribution to the existing body of literature! You have already won by making it past the first (and hardest) part of the selection process.

In fact, someone thought your piece was good enough that a couple of other people (qualified professionals) should read it to give some feedback. That's pretty cool, right? I certainly think so.

I'm sure you're well aware of the values of peer reviews and the revision process, so I won't expound on that. Perhaps some of the reviewers were not as tactful as they could be, but that doesn't change the fact that you did good work.

Here is my humble prescription for the revision process: take a day to celebrate the achievement of having your paper accepted! Do a little something to make yourself happy and enjoy the moment, whatever that may be. This is for you. You are going to Be Happy™ about this. Do not think about Reviewer #2. Then take a day preparing to go back into the comments. Get yourself in the right mindset, but don't force yourself to engage. Dive back in on day 3 (or whenever you're ready, deadlines permitting) with the confidence that you have a good idea, and you are going to respond to any criticism with productive intention.

-Reid

P.S. Dr. Dad, an academic with 25+ years in his field and a CV that is over 50 pages long, celebrates every time he gets a revise and resubmit. The single hardest thing to do is not to get desk rejected. Nobody gets through the process with no revisions, and often the comments are quite harsh. You're in good company.

[writeblrgarden]

PLANT GROWERS - MEET THE WINNERS - RAE

Meet Rae, who got third place in our grow a plant event in november! Rae goes by she/her, has a second degree black belt in kendo, and you can find her at @koala2all. She has been writing for about 30 years, primarily YA fantasy.

Tell us about the WIP you'd like to talk about today.

I'll be talking about The Pirate Knight. Being a pirate is all Nonie has ever wanted. Freedom, camaraderie, and a beautiful girl in port to welcome her back. But returning from a lucrative voyage, she finds her home in shambles and her bonny lass missing. Desperate to find her, Nonie makes a deal with the god of the sea. In return for helping return her lost love Nonie vows to become his holy knight, saving the weak and defending the helpless. Together with a cynical sorcerer, a naive orc, and an ex-girlfriend from a rival ship who promises not to rest until their mission is a success, Nonie sets out to prove that she can be a hero in time to save the love of her life. But when a world changing secret is revealed, Nonie will need the help of her friends to navigate the tempest.

Describe your writing process. Do you like to plan everything or are you more spontaneous?

I'm more spontaneous. I usually start a bit backwards actually. I know how I want a story to end, then where it begins, and the rest is a matter of figuring out how to get from point A to point B. Music plays a huge part in my process, as well. I often get inspired by a song for a set of characters or a situation, then I try to figure out where it can fit.

What have you found to be the most challenging and/or rewarding about writing?

The most challenging part of writing for me is that I often feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just kind of winging it, writing stories that make me happy about characters that I enjoy writing about… but up to a year ago I didn't know what a beta reader was. My background is in theater, so I know how to frame a story in three acts… but without the background in creative writing, the imposter syndrome is real!

Below the read more is more of our conversation with Rae

What inspires you to write?

Books were such an escape for me when I was little. All those amazing worlds and vivid characters really helped me through some tough times. And that's what I want to share with others. The world is a hard place right now. I want to give readers a place that they can escape to, with characters they can empathize with as they face trials and overcome them. And maybe take a little hope with them when they're done.

Share some advice for other writers.

The best advice I ever got was from a Terry Pratchett quote. He said, "The first draft is just you telling yourself the story." I am definitely the type of person who dreams of the first draft coming out absolutely perfect. When it doesn't come out that way, I can tend to get a little frustrated. But after I heard this quote, I realized that the first draft is going to be rubbish. That's okay, and that's what editing is for. First, I just need to tell myself the story.

What do consider your writing strength?

Dialogue and worldbuilding are my strengths, for sure. I have such a strong sense of the world my characters find themselves in. My favorite technique is to not explain too much to the reader, but let them come across the world naturally as the characters navigate through it. It's my favorite way of experiencing the world of a story! Dialogue writing is so much fun. I love bantering with my friends, and imagining the banter between two characters is just as entertaining. I myself am a bit snarky (in a delightful way, of course) and that tends to make its way into at least one of the characters speech patterns.

What has been the nicest compliment you've received or what has been the toughest criticism you've received?

When I finished my first novel, I sent it to a knitting acquaintance of mine who happened to be a book reviewer as well. It was nerve wracking, since I had only let friends and family look at any of my writing before, but I had dreams of publishing and wanted to make the story as good as I could before I started sending it out. Her review came back glowing. Four out of five stars, and compliments about the worldbuilding, the characters, the plot, the dialogue. It was such a good feeling!

What do you love the most about writing?

My characters, and sharing them. I love making characters… ever since I was little. I get such a kick out of giving a character a backstory, and then seeing how they grow through the course of the story. Sometimes they really surprise me! And seeing them become important to the readers is really exciting, too!

[callsignspark]

Mar[r]y Me | part one

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food.

series warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, eventual smut, warnings to be added as needed

word count: 2.0k

main masterlist

note: happy Friday! I'm so excited to share the first part of Bradley and Mary's story! a very special thanks to @gretagerwigsmuse for yelling in the DMs with me over this. Jordan without you the Bradley brain rot would not have taken over, and we wouldn't be here. after you read this, everyone go read about her version of Bradley and Smart Aleck; they are everything.

part one - indecision cookies

“C’mon, M&M! You’re not deciding on purpose! Just to be annoying!”

She knows he’s teasing; they’ve been friends for over a decade. That doesn’t stop the hurt from bubbling in her stomach or keep her from snapping at him. “Yeah, Reuben! That’s exactly what I’m doing! I’m purposefully going down to the wire on a decision that will change everything in my life just so I can piss you off!”

Guilt settles in her chest the second she finishes. It’s not his fault she can’t make a choice. “I’m sor-”

“No. Don’t apologize. I shouldn’t have made the joke. I know this is stressing you out.” She can hear him pacing through his house. As long as she’d known him, he had walked at the same volume as an elephant. “I know it’s a big change, and there’s a lot of things to consider, but what’s going on?”

“Nothing. I made indecision cookies. So you know… I’m basically there.”

“Wow, okay, never once have you been close to making a choice and made those. So, that literally does nothing except give you delicious cookies to eat. Which is great, but it’s already been a month, and I can’t even tell which way you’re leaning.”

It’s only been twenty-one days. Her brain interjects, but she doesn’t voice the thought, knowing her best friend won’t appreciate the correction.

It’s been twenty-five days since she flew from Pensacola to San Diego. Twenty-four days since she spent the evening with Danielle, Reuben, and his teammates. Twenty-three days since she interviewed for a new position. Twenty-two since she was offered the job, one that came with a big salary increase, better benefits, a higher security clearance requirement, and a thirty-day decision deadline. Twenty-one days since she returned home, a serious case of imposter syndrome setting in, mixing with her anxiety.

“I haven’t decided because I can’t figure out the right answer. It’s a great opportunity, and I know I’d enjoy the work, but it’s such a huge change, and frankly, I don’t know if it’s worth moving across the country. I like what I do now, I’m settled here, and I’m finally starting to make real friends instead of just having acquaintances from work. It’s taken-” A crash interrupts her. “Reuben! What was that?! Are you okay?”

“I tripped over Boo-Boo and almost took out the side table. Stupid ass cat.” She can hear him fighting with the fat, orange tabby under his breath. “I’m fine. Keep going; we’re listening.”

“You were probably in his way!”

“Stop defending the cat! He can’t hear you, and he was in the wrong! And stop deflecting. You were saying it’s taken…”

“It’s taken me four years to get comfortable, to this point where I’m not spending all my free time alone in my apartment. I move, and I have to start all over again. With everything. The search for where to live. Getting comfortable with the job. Making friends.”

“You have plenty of friends out here already!”

“You and Danielle don’t count; we’ve known each other since freshman year.” Her voice is flat, already knowing where his argument is going.

“Okay, fine! You’re friends with Mickey. And you liked Natasha and Bob! Plus, there’s Rooster and the rest of the Dagger Squad!”

“Reuben, knowing your team’s callsigns and spending a few hours drinking with them when I was out there doesn’t mean I actually know them or that we’re friends.”

“Yeah, true, but they’re good people, and you’ll get along with all of them. And you’ll make friends of your own! What I’m saying is that you’re not starting over with friends; you’ve got a foundation to build on, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Okay, well, I’m also thirty-three and not getting any younger. I’d like to have a family one day; I want a husband, a few kids, and maybe a dog. That dream gets harder to achieve if I have to start over again.”

“Is this because of your parents?” Danielle’s voice is a surprise.

“Damn it, Fitch! Have you had me on speakerphone this whole time?!”

“I told you we were listening!”

“I thought you meant the damn cat!”

“Why would I mean the cat?”

“Because you’re an idiot-”

“As fun as it is to listen to the two of you argue.” Danielle’s scolding cuts them off before it can devolve into a repeat of The Incident of 2013. “Let’s get back to my question. Is this indecision because of your parents?”

“No! Why would you even think that?”

“For starters, you’ve never mentioned kids before!”

Danielle smooths over her husband’s indignant statement. “We know it’s something your parents harp on you about.”

The understatement of the decade. 

Mary’s family is a large group of stereotypical Italian immigrant Catholics from New York. Thirty-one people on her father’s side came from Sicily through Ellis Island in the late nineteenth century and settled in East Harlem. The men worked municipal projects, performing back-breaking labor to build bridges and dig subway tunnels, while the women suffered through the dangerous working conditions of the Manhattan garment factories. The family worked hard, the entire brood saving money to open a bakery just like they had back home. Vertucci’s Bakery – named for the family – opened in 1925 and was an instant success; people waited in lines that went out the door to get a taste of the old country. As the family grew, so did the bakery; everyone working to churn out bread, cakes, and pastries as fast as possible. Eventually, they outgrew the first shop, moving to a bigger location in Brooklyn the same year Mary’s father was born.

The other side of her family, the Romanos, immigrated just before World War II. Settling in Carroll Gardens, Mary’s great-grandfather was a dock worker at the Brooklyn Navy Yard, while her great-grandmother took care of the children and worked as a seamstress out of their apartment. Through the generations and the gentrification, the family stayed in Brooklyn, enjoying the strong Italian community.

Carlo and Lisa met on a busy Saturday morning when he was working Vertucci’s front counter. They fell in love quickly and were married just over a year later. Four boys in the four years after they were married, with Mariella “Mary” Vertucci following several years after the twins. She was a happy mistake. Wording that never failed to make her feel like she was two inches tall.

Despite being the youngest by ten years, as the only daughter Mary was subject to the most guilt trips and punishments growing up, her brothers seemingly unable to do no wrong in the eyes of the rest of the family.

When she was little, she didn’t eat enough food, and the women of her family criticized her for being too skinny. Then with puberty, she gained weight, and suddenly she was eating too much food. The yelling she had to endure when she went away to school - the first one in her family to do so - practically shattered the windows in her parent’s living room. Her mother was exceptionally upset because she had found a nice Italian boy for Mary to date, one who didn’t care that she was chubby. Constant complaints about distance when she moved to Missouri after graduation to work for Boeing, where she learned the ins and outs of all the mechanical systems of the Navy’s top fighter jets and worked on maintenance procedures to keep them running. The knock-down-drag-out screaming matches when she announced that she was being transferred to Florida to act as a senior engineering liaison between the company and the Navy, not once receiving any congratulations for her impressively quick advancement.

Not to mention all the subtle implications that she was a bad daughter for not producing grandchildren yet. Despite all of her brothers being married and having provided numerous grandchildren.

“I love kids, I’ve always wanted them, but given my luck with relationships, they’ve always kinda been a pipe dream. And I barely talk to my family anymore, my parents, least of all, no one knows I’m up for a new job. Only a few people here even know I went to California, and they all think I just went for a long weekend to visit some old friends.”

“If you take the job, when are you gonna tell them you’re moving to California?”

She snorts, “I’ll just call Danny’s wife as I’m about to get on the plane, and she’ll do all the work. By the time I touch down in San Diego, the entire Vertucci network will be informed of the address change.”

“You’d do that to your favorite brother?”

Danny is her favorite by default. Being the oldest meant he usually could be counted on to stop the other three from being too brutal in their taunts, but he also joined the teasing as much as he stopped it.

“He left my name off the Mother’s Day bouquet last year; this’ll make us even.”

“You didn’t chip in for flowers?” Reuben sounds shocked, knowing the importance of Mother’s Day flowers in the Vertucci family.

“No, I did. I covered Michael’s portion, too; that’s when Mia was going through treatment. He forgot to put my name on the card.”

“Wow…”

“Yeah, surprised me too. Especially when I got a call at the ass crack of dawn the next day, asking why I was ignoring the woman who gave me life on the most important day of the year.”

“Not to interrupt this venting session, but we still haven’t gotten to why you’re holding back on making a decision.” Danielle interrupts.

Mary hesitates, embarrassed to tell her closest friends about the problem. “I just keep thinking about the worst things that could happen. Which I know is stupid, and it’s just making my anxiety act up even more, but I can’t stop thinking about what could go wrong.”

“Well, that’s obviously not working, so what about the best things that could happen? I can kick Reuben out if you want. He doesn’t need to know everything.”

“Hey! She’s my best friend, too! And I’ve known her longer than you!”

“Only by six months! And you wouldn’t have become friends if she hadn’t taken pity on you and forced you to be her lab partner.”

“Let's see, good things… good things.” She interrupts the argument over who is her bestest friend. “Well, I could live near both my best friends for the first time since college. I could live in the same town as my goddaughter for the first time in her life. I could end up loving the job - not just tolerating it - and work there until I retire. The time difference could be good. I might be able to have a better relationship with my family if there’s extra distance between us. I could…”

She trails off, simultaneously feeling silly about what her next sentence would be and also afraid saying it out loud would jinx it.

“You could?” Danielle gently prods.

I could fall in love. I could be happy.

Her answer is just above a whisper, “I could be happy.”

Reuben gently breaks the silence that follows her vulnerable wish. “Are you not happy now?”

“I’m content. Which is good, but it’s not the same as being happy.”

“What do you think it would take for you to be happy?”

“I really don’t know… Force myself to make some changes? Shake things up?”

“Shit, I hear Annabeth waking up from her nap, but - and I’m sure you’ve already had this thought - but if you think shaking things up could help, I think you have the answer about the job.” Crying crackles over the baby monitor. “Okay, I’m gone. Love you - text me later!”

“Love you too, Dani!”

“So… what are you thinking?”

“How would you feel about turning the office into an official guest room while I find a place to live?”

“As long as you join the diaper-changing rotation, I think we could swing that.”

“Deal.”

tagging: @gretagerwigsmuse | @bobfloyds | @bussyslayer333 | @hangmanbrainrot | @mothdruid | @notroosterbradshaw | @princessphilly | @rhettabbotts | @roleycoleyreccenter | @roosterbruiser | @seresinsweetie | @thesewordsareallihavetogive | @waklman | @withahappyrefrain | @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby | @genius2050 | @ohtobeleah

fic tag | credit for dividers here