#THE REASON I said the thing about Smurfette is because how in the show he's sometimes portrayed as trying to woo her along with the others

[the-hype-on-tv]

My Beef With Barbara Gordon

I'll start off by saying this isn't any hate post to the character, merely an analysis because although she's never really stood out to me, i believe she's an interesting character and I'd like to share my point of view and if possible hear others' takes on her too

the basics, babs is the daughter of commissioner gordon and the first batgirl, later taking on the mantle of oracle (usually because of the killing joke thing, which I'll address later on)

usually the reason i don't get along with most representations of babs is because she's mostly written to be "the girl bat" instead of "the bat girl". I've only seen some clips from btas but i can mostly tell that's the case. it's a smurfette syndrome classic. i apologize if I'm getting the wrong idea out of it, though, as i said, I didn't watch the series.

when she's not written as such, she can be a good character. i love her version of the harley quinn show, i think it fits what I'd usually expect out of batgirl//oracle, a computer nerd who wants to help people and might be a little impulsive, but means well. though there's not much media of her where she's like that.

and although she's not exactly like that in the lego batman movie, i think that version is also pretty good (not when she's introduced, i think she gets better when she shows bruce that she's batgirl and yk, badass and such). not a computer nerd and also a bit older, but i think she's pretty neat.

I'll admit the fact she gets with bruce in the timmverse (specifically in the timmverse) pisses me off... age gap things are not my thing and it feels like grooming, i believe that's why it's not a very popular ship for either but the fact it's official in at least one dc media makes me sweat (cough cough and they say superbat is a stretch cough cough /j)

like i just mentioned with the lego batman movie, i have no problem with it when they're about the same age or, idk, at least he doesn't meet her as a teen or whatever. I'm not crazy for finding this weird, right?

and there's the fact she dated dick on the timmverse as well, which makes me even MORE uncomfortable. if it was me dating my father's previous lover, for example, I'd probably take that as a weird thing. dick is already traumatized enough, thank you very much.

and also she's bruce's friend's daughter? that's not so weird, i myself have friends who are way older or way younger, but it be creepy af to see one of them dating someone my age, specially if it was someone close to me, I'd be very concerned and it'd take a while for me to get used to it.

but yeah, if it's an au or multiverse shenanigans, it can be alright.

and then comes the killing joke thing... honestly, I don't know what to do out of it. I'm a new dc fan, I've been for nearly six months now, and I can't really decide how to feel about it.

on one hand, oracle is badass and shows that it doesn't take superpowers or immense dexterity or inhuman strength to be a hero. i respect her a lot, and when she's written well like in wfa, i appreciate her character as is.

but the killing joke itself... it doesn't make much out of barbara, and focuses more on her father and personally i think that sucks. i know it must hurt for a dad to see his daughter paralyzed, but joker using it as a means to make him snap doesn't seem, idk, very jokery. even with the picture things, i think babs in that situation is used more as a plot device than as a character and it makes me uncomfortable idk.

and then they made her able to walk again...? honestly that's where i lost it. there are too many versions of batgirl//oracle in my head already and that just made me more confused??

so the reason I don't like her as much is because she lacks consistency, every time I'm reading about her i gotta guess which version is it and every single piece feels more like au fanfiction of itself. like, okay, i do enjoy those, but if I'm seeking something official it's hard to understand where it's at.

but i still love her with every cell in my body when she's written like the true sarcastic girlboss that she is <3

[fluffypigeonsandowls]

I already love the fan kids! Could we get a bit of info about them? I love me some character lore :>.

Hooo boy, The lore (I hope I got the definition right. Otherwise I’m sorry, this is more of a character-description with lore mixed in it)

For some I already have some lore, others I don't have much for, yet. But let's see...

Curious Smurf is known for goofing of for whatever reason, like seeing things that poke her interest or noices she's able to hear. Which could get her to places she PROBABLY isn't supposed to be, but somehow finds a way out (most of the time. It can be that the rest of Team Blue has to get involved). She always has a notebook with her though, so she always writes things down. This can lead to questions like: "Where have you been?" or, "what did you write down?". The questions died down as the years got by. Since being distracted and goofing off is a thing she does on the regular.

There is a chance she won't show what she wrote down. Not even to the ones closest to her. Though hints can slip out every now and then because she, like her dad and (mostly) her mom, really likes to talk. Still, Smurfs have TRIED to get her notebook, but always fail in some way.

But, surprisingly, even when things can slip out, she is the one who you can share your secrets with (if you want too).

Compassionate Smurf, (i don't know how to start explaining the lore so here goes character description 😭) he's a Smurf who's always ready to help the others Sometimes even villains (whether he knows or doesn't know that they are. He WON'T help them if he knows there's something fishy going on), because of his sympathy (and naivety sometimes) towards others.

It can lead to accidently putting the rest in danger. Though when resolved, Compassionate will try and make things right how- and whatever he can. No questions asked.

That because he sometimes feels like he is the cause of the problem. And again, helping when- and wherever he can. Most of the time it leads to smurfs trying to stop and/or help him clean the mess.

Despite all that, he is loved dearly by the village. Almost always positive and tries to see the good in people. And whenever you feel down (and/or need a hug) , he'll make time to be there for you (and/or to give you the biggest one he can give!).

Oh, and and also Compassionate is trans

Like mentioned in a previous post, he and Wizard are brothers. And though not related, Compassionate sometimes thinks he might have some magic ability of his own (wink wink) since his mom (Smurfette) was able to do magic once (vague Lost Village reference :) )

Did I mention he's a very emotional smurf?

Chitter, like mentioned in their bonus of the previous post, doesn't know who their parent(s) is/are. They got delivered at Wild's place, not by a stork as usual, but by a figure who "smelled like dirt" as Wild said. So when their birthday is, is unsure.

Wild brought her up with the help of his squirrel friends and family. So, for Chitter the Forrest is their home. Thanks to that and paying a visit to the Villages since she was a baby, she's both fluent in squirrel language and Smurf language (she can do other animals less fluent)

Chitter is actually kinda proud to know that their dad gave them the name of his old companion. As some sort of tribute to the squirrel.

(I still have to figure out their character since they’re someone I recently came up with. But they’re kinda like the ‘cool one’ of the team. That first would get serious and give a warning if someone hurts the ones they care about and then jump into a fight when that someone still hurts the ones they care about. And they’re gender-fluid)

Chitter is the second oldest of the team and the village.

SmurfMari (Mari for short) While born with scales etc. Has no problem breathing on the surface. Not does she have a problem breathing under water Though she has to keep a close eye on herself together with the villages to keep her hydrated whenever it’s REALLY warm. Which means she either has to stay in a river, lake, bathtub or sometimes even the sea. She’s able to adjust herself to the temperatures or amount of salt in the water.

As mentioned in previous post, she never got to know her mother, but she DID get to meet her when she was a baby (so she doesn’t renember the interaction, but her father (Handy) told her about it :)

(cannot describe her character since she also recently was created :’D)

Her name is based on the Latin translation for “Star of the sea” (which is “Stella maris”).

I also first wanted to go for SmurfStarfish as her name, but I wasn’t pleased with the name. But wanted to use the concept for what I just told you. Hence why there’s a starfish on her hat as a hint(don’t worry, it’s not a real one ;P )

SmurfHorn (Horn for short) Has her name thanks to her hidden horn on the right side of her head) The village doesn’t know about it (for time passing reasons and her getting insecure about her horn) except for her parents, Team Smurf, Papa and Willow. And while her parents, Papa and Willow knew about it since her arrival, It took her a while to open up about it towards the team.

Why is she insecure about the horn? Well, when she was a little younger than 50 (around 30 or 40) she had an anger outburst. Her parents tried to calm her down. but she couldn’t calm down. Leading to her biting (pretty deep) into her dad’s arm and giving her mom a little stab wound (thanks to the horn) in her arm. Ever since that day she wanted to hide her horn. And tried to keep her anger issues under control. Her parents told her time and time again that it wasn’t her fault and that she (sadly) got her anger issues from her dad. :’) The two still have the scars from that day but don’t mind them.

enough about the horn now.

Horn doesn’t like blood. Like at all. Ever since she was a baby she had a dislike for that. She can’t stand the smell too. It was the smell of blood that snapped her out of her outburst too. She knows there’s a reason for it. She knows her parents know that too. Problem is, they won’t tell her why.

also, she recently feels like she’s being watched. :)

Horn is the second youngest of the team. And despite that is the ‘warrior’ of the team too. Jumping into a fight no questions asked, whenever needed. She doesn’t trust new people and/or creatures emediatly and will always have to warm up to them first. Still keeping an eye on them because to her, there’s always a chance that people and creatures they don’t know well might hurt her loved ones.

Bonus :D

Wizard (Baby Smurf) keeps the powers he got (from the 80s cartoon) as a child. And as he gets older he is able to make those abilities even stronger and gain new ones too. He doesn't master any of them 'perfectly' yet (for some there's a time limit and/or it takes a lot of energy).

On the outside he seems like a really chill and positive guy, while inside, not so much.

While he likes having magic, he constantly feels like he has to be the one to keep everyone safe with his abilities. And he constantly feels like he has to be the more mature one (Being the oldest of the team and being chosen by papa to be the next leader doesn't help. So that also makes him feel like he has to be the leader.) despite being told that he doesn't have to be that, by the entire village. Leading to him being forced (kindly) into a break. Which can be annoying for him at times.

Just like his brother, Compassionate, he is loved dearly by the village (for some obvious reasons). And he has a close bond with Grouchy. Whom he sees as a father figure. despite him being a grouch, Wizard always finds a way to make him smile.

anyways, enough of me yapping. Thank you so so much for reading this and thank you so SO much for the ask! I hope I answered your question correctly and good enough. It might be that some things are vague, or that some things are missing. But this has been long enough don’t you think? If there’s still something unclear, don’t hesitate to ask or tell me about it :)

[schtroumpf-a-lunettes]

So going off Coquet = flirt, Schtroumpf Coquet aka Vanity Smurf

ok this is kinda hc type stuff which is more about comics vanity I guess;

Even though Vanity is not interested in girls he flirts with Smurfette, because the thing is he flirts with just about everyone. Despite flirting with the other smurfs he’s not actually interested in any of them either because he doesn’t think any of them are good enough for him/he’s too good for them. No one can meet his high, high standards. So yeah, he flirts with them despite not being actually interested in them at all, and from what I’ve read this is completely in-line with being a coquet.

Because at the end of the day it’s all about him and his self-centredness. He wants other people to see him as KNOW he’s attractive, to be desirable. stuff like that

meanwhile in the cartoon he mostly just keeps to himself and obsesses over himself. he loves himself enough so can’t care too much what other smurfs might have to say about it. But let’s make one thing absolutely clear:

IF Vanity were to turn his charms on just about any of the other smurfs they would be helpless. By focusing so much on himself, the others are all spared his intensely bedazzling charms. The guy has the power but he CHOOSES not to use it. because as long as he has his reflection to look at he doesn’t need anything more

[kylorenisadorkable]

How TROS Failed Rey

These are just my opinions and from my personal perspective, if these things worked for you in the movie then cool, but this is why it was never going to work for me.

A Feminine Power Fantasy

Growing up in the 90s there wasn't a ton of media that had female lead characters. I grew up with strong female characters but they were often relegated to being the token girl of the group (see the Smurfette principle), the story was never centered around them and we never got to experience things from their point of view or really get to know their story. It felt like I was being asked to relate to male characters but boys were never asked or expected to relate to female characters.

Just as young boys see themselves as Luke, leading the adventure I also wanted to see myself as the main character. I wanted to have my own adventures.

When I first saw TFA, I went in knowing nothing about the movie. I had seen the OT and the Prequels as a kid and I had thought they were ok but I wasn't a huge Star Wars fan and in hindsight I really think this was due to the lack of female representation, Leia and Padme are great but I never really felt like I really got to know them as people. Not to mention that these characters are 2 women out of a cast that's predominantly male, it just seemed like the message LF was sending was that Star Wars is for boys, yeah girls can watch it if they want to but this isn't a series that is meant for you. So as you could guess I wasn't really expecting much from these new Star Wars movies, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I fell in love with Rey's character during those first 3 minutes of her introduction. During this brilliant example of “show don't tell,” story telling they were really able to convey so much about Rey's character and personality, I really began to care for her and felt like I understood her, as I could relate to her loneliness and isolation in my own way. And I was excited to see a story from a major fantasy/adventure franchise told from a feminine perspective. It felt like I was finally getting the representation I wanted to see.

So what happened? How did we go from Luke's line “And I will not be the Last Jedi” which is essentially him “passing the torch” to Rey, the next generation, to “One day I will earn your brother's saber?” 

As if the saber didn't already choose her in the Force Awakens? Why did they decide that all of a sudden Rey was unworthy? Didn't Yoda say “that library held nothing that the girl Rey didn't already posses?” which yes was a clever way of saying that Rey already took the jedi texts with her but was also implying that she already had everything she needed within herself to be a jedi (courage, humility, compassion etc...). Why did they take a step backwards in the last movie in the franchise? Insisting that Rey needed to train, that she suddenly wasn't good enough?

I can't say for sure what happened to lead up to this point. Was it just that the creative team gave in to the pressuring of a loud minority of alt-right youtubers and bots. Were they relying on Reddit and Twitter for public opinion rather than doing actual marketing research?  While I think that this was definitely a big factor I think there was just a general misunderstanding of the characters on Terrio's and JJ's part to begin with.

What Does Rey Want/Need?

To know where they went wrong, we have to ask ourselves who is Rey? All characters have a story goal, or the thing they want. By the end of the story the character will either get what they want after some struggles of course or learn that the thing that they want isn't what they need. So what does Rey want?  To understand what she wants we have to first understand her wound or past experience that caused emotional pain and interferes with the character's life. Rey's wound stems from her  abandonment. Along with the wound, comes the concept of the false lie. What is a lie that the character believes about themselves that we as the audience knows is untrue? Rey's lie is first, that her family is going to come back for her. 

The other lie she tells herself is the belief that she is worthless because she was abandoned, as she tells everyone she meets “I'm no one“ or “I'm just a scavenger.”

When Daisy Ridley was asked in an interview why Rey says she's “No One.” Ridley says it's because our relationships to people define so much of who we are and without relationships then who are we?  This makes sense considering that our parents are major influences in our development and in how we think about ourselves through much of our lives.

Rey seeks out parental figures, thinking that through them she'll figure out where she belongs. “Whoever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. But there's someone who still could. The Belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.” 

Rey initially believes that Maz is referring to Luke and when she later sets off to find him. She believe that he is going to be able to give her answers, and provide her with the belonging that she longs for, but Luke ultimately ends up disappointing her but finds comfort in her relationship with Ben.

This goes back to the idea that what Rey thinks she wants, Isn't necessarily what she needs. As JJ stated in the directors commentary of The Force Awakens, “So there was a very powerful idea that what she desperately wanted was belonging, which she’ll get, but just not how she expects.”

JJ and Terrio try to fullfill Rey's need through “found family” the family she finds with her friends and the resistance, but I think there is more to Rey's desire of wanting family that can't be satisfied by this alone. Finn, Poe, Leia are definitely a part of her journey in finding belonging but they're not the final piece to the puzzle. Otherwise she would have felt completely fulfilled by the end of The Last Jedi when she is on the Falcon surrounded by her friends.

I think part of Rey's desire for family, is also the desire to be understood, to be “seen.”  Rey even tells Finn in TROS that “People keep telling me they know me. No one does.” We hear Ben's response in the trailer “But I do...” (which was cut from the movie)

Ben has always been shown to be the person who truly “sees” Rey. He sees even the aspects of herself that she doesn't like to acknowledge. Recognizing that her holding on to her parents is affecting her negatively and that if she really wants to “find herself” she needs to let go.

Which is why when Ben says “You have no place in this story. You're nothing. But not to me.” What is really being expressed is “I don't care about where you come from and I see you for who you are.”  

This is why I believe that Ben was always suppose to be the final piece to the belonging Rey is searching for. As their narratives are intertwined. They both satisfy each others needs as characters, Rey's need to be seen for who she is and Ben's need for reconciliation and healing within his family.

Rey Palpatine

Rian Johnson said that when he began working on The Last Jedi, he wrote out all the character's names and next to them wrote what would be the hardest thing for that character to face. For Rey, this was that she needs to stand on her own two feet and define who she is for herself but JJ and Terrio seemed to have misunderstood this as Terrio states that,

“We also thought that Rey’s arc cannot be finished after Episode VIII. You can leave Episode VIII and say, “Well, now, Rey is content. She’s discovered her parents aren’t Skywalkers, or whatever, and that’s fine.” But so much of her personal story was about where she came from, what kept her on Jakku all those years and the trauma that shaped her. We see quite strongly in Episode VII that something mysterious and troubling happened to her. Although she did get some answers in Episode VIII, we didn’t feel that that story was over. We felt that there were still more questions in Rey’s head about where she came from and where she was going. So, that was the other big idea that we had to address in this film. Rian’s answer to, “What’s the worst news that Rey could receive?” was that she comes from junk traders, and that’s true. She does come from junk traders; we didn’t contradict that.”

Rey's conflict wasn't that she came from junk traders. Rey didn't care about “legacy.” Her conflict stemmed from her abandonment. Rey thinks she's “a nobody” not because of her parent's occupation or lineage but because she feels that she must be worthless because why else would her parents give her up? Rey learning that her parents sold her off for drinking money, that they didn't want her, was already a difficult and traumatic truth to overcome. Star Wars is a coming of age story, in the OT Luke grows from being a boy longing for adventure to discovering what it truly means to be a Jedi (following your principles and having a compassionate heart). Rey's journey is about letting go of childhood trauma and discovering her own independence.

It's also strange seeing as JJ had previously stated during The Force Awakens press tour that “I really feel that the assumption that any character needs to have inherited a certain number of midi-chlorians or needs to be part of a bloodline. It's not that I don't believe that as part of the canon, I'm just saying that at 11 years old that wasn't where my heart was. And so I respect and adhere to the canon but I also say that the Force has always seemed to me to be more inclusive and stronger than that.”

And there was still conflict for her to overcome. The one person who she felt truly understood her is now the supreme leader of the first order, will the resistance discover their connection? Will they see her as a traitor? All of this had the potential for great external and internal character conflict, but for some reason they didn't see this as conflict enough to sustain a whole movie?

Instead they gave Luke's character arc in the OT of having a dark side relative to Rey. “Discovering that you actually descended from your adoptive family’s greatest enemy, the same enemy who corrupted Anakin Skywalker and is responsible for the destruction of the Skywalker family in the first place, felt most devastating to us.” This doesn't make any sense to me as it feel like they just gave Rey Luke's internal conflict of being afraid of his dark side, I don't think this was ever a problem for Rey. In fact, in The Last Jedi  she leapt into the dark side cave to face her darkness (her abandonment). Luke even says “You went straight to the dark and you didn't even try to stop yourself.” 

The dark side cave in The Last Jedi was symbolic of Rey coming to terms with her darkness (the parts of herself she wants to hide).  It relates back to Jungian psychology (which much of Star Wars is based on) that people can only become whole through understanding both the light and shadow aspects of their personality. So it doesn't make sense for Rey to be afraid of who she is in the final movie when she just finished a journey where she learned to accept who she was?

Rey Skywalker

Terrio says that the decision to have Rey take on the name “Skywalker” was a way to show that “you can choose your ancestry.” Which is not true and also a strange thing to say considering the trilogy started with this:

But even if this was just awkward phrasing and what Terrio meant to say was that she considers the Skywalkers her family. Does this make sense considering that she didn't have a great relationship with Luke to begin with?

 I've seen it argued that she took the name as a way of honoring Leia but Leia never took the name or considered herself a Skywalker. Also this is another step backwards for Rey's character as The Last Jedi was trying to assert that Rey does not need to keep looking for parental figures to define herself.

So why  must she be a Palpatine, a Skywalker and “all the jedi” anyways? I think this was done for two reasons, the first was because by killing Ben they were going to kill the last of the Skywalker family and they wanted to keep the name tied to the franchise, in case they need the characters for future projects down the line, so they just pushed it onto Rey. The second reason is that I think they were trying to appease the misogynists' who spent the last 4 years calling Rey a “Mary Sue” so they explained her power away through powerful male lineage. It just feels so weird to me, like the creators are saying that we should like Rey not because of who she is as a character but because of who she is in relation to all these other characters we know you like (Luke, Leia, all the jedi that use her as a vessel etc...)

Daisy Ridley has even expressed her frustration with the Rey's lineage debate multiple times, “I love that Rey is such a great character, they’re like: ‘No, no, she has to be… she has to be-’She’s her own person! Let her be her guys, let her live.

Yet even at the end of the final film poor Rey can't seem to catch a break as she's once again asked for her last name. She once again has to justify herself for just existing. Why are surnames suddenly so important in Star Wars now anyways? Shouldn't the correct answer be “just Rey,” now that she's come to accept who she is and where she's come from and shouldn't that be good enough? What happened to the message of anyone can be a hero? That you don't have to come from or align yourself with a powerful family legacy. That we all have the power to make a difference?

TROS seems to be constantly asking Rey to prove herself. And weirdly enough it reminds me in a strange meta way of my own experience being a woman in the fandom and being constantly asked to prove that I'm a “True fan” (whatever the f@#% that means...) to prove that I'm worthy of consuming and participating in this content that male fans feel belongs solely to them.

In Conclusion

So what did our heroine gain in the end? Did she find family and belonging? No. So what does she have in the end? A yellow lightsaber (for merchandising purposes) and a surname of a dead family?  I guess she finally has an answer to give all the nosey nellies, obsessed with ones pedigree that have suddenly popped up all over the galaxy.

It's not a satisfying ending for her, as she's basically right back where she started. Alone, in a desolate desert, once again staring face to face at an old woman (an old woman which at the start of the Force Awakens symbolized her fear of growing old and wasting away her life on Jakku).

Terrio states that  this is not meant to indicate that Rey plans to stay here, “The very last thing Rey would do after all that is to go and live alone in a desert.”  but when that is the last shot you chose to end the movie on then what is the audience suppose to think? The bigger issue however, is that Rey's ending holds no significance to her or her journey. Terrio says that “In our thinking, Rey goes back to Tatooine as a pilgrimage in honor of her two Skywalker masters. Leia’s childhood home, Alderaan, no longer exists, but Luke’s childhood home, Tatooine, does. Rey brings the sabers there to honor the Skywalker twins by laying them to rest — together, finally — where it all began.” Tatooine, the Lars homestead and the twin suns, don't mean anything to Rey.  You know who did mean something to Rey? Who was the one person who understood her, who she had an intimate relationship with, who she explicitly states she wanted to be with? Ben. But he's gone too. But clearly a light saber and surname are more important. Again this all comes from a lack of caring for what Rey wants.

I just wish that the Sequel Trilogy had stayed Rey's trilogy, that she got to be a heroine in her own right not because she was a skywalker, or a palpatine or from some other powerful family. I will always love Rey but I will always hate what they did to her and I'm tired of people invalidating my feelings and telling me that it was a good ending or that it was empowering. I just want heroines to be taken as seriously and to have all the same privileges as male heroes. Let them stand on their own without connecting them back to every male hero in the franchise, let them be their own character, and finally just let them be human, let them fall in love and have relationships if they want to. Male heroes are never considered to be less of a hero for having a love interest, so why are female heroes? Basically what I got out of the Rise of Skywalker, was that it was created by a couple of guys that loved Luke and the OT and could care less about Rey and that's truly heart breaking.

[lesserfandomappreciation]

Is that Supa Strikers show really that great? Would I like it even if I don’t like soccer/football? (I’m asking because I’ve never seen it. In fact, your posts are the only reason I know it exists at all.)

Okay. Okay, okay I was going to work on requests during this meeting but then I saw this and I have many feelings on this show so you're getting an essay. Buckle up son. Brief History

For those not in the know, Supa Strikas is a series from South Africa that started as a futbol-themed comic in I want to say the early 2000s. It quickly gained popularity throughout most of Africa and today is published in Latin-America, South America, Africa, some parts of Europe and Asia.

Almost every continent has this comic. You cannot tell me that isn't cool and also very telling of how many people like this series.

Seeing the comic get so popular so fast, a TV show followed up in 2009 by the same name and is still going to this day. This series has been along longer than most presidential terms.

The show had a similar story with only slight character changes, and while the entirety of the 2021 season is already out, there are signs that they may be more coming out in 2022 so. Fingers crossed!

What is it about?

The story centers around Shakes, a young futbol player who has recently joined the Supa Strikas, a team based in an unspecified African country. The comic follows the team winning the Super League during different seasons, going around the world to find out new techniques, deal with teams that cheat and overcome their own inner problems as well.

The series differs from the comics in that we don't see Shakes' journey to becoming a Supa Strika and we don't get the official names for the characters either, only their nicknames. Wikipedia has their official names listed I think, but if anyone whose read the comics wishes to tell me, by all means do so.

It's a pretty straight forward storyline, with some good story consistency (characters who appear in one episode do show up again and are given consistent writing). Very episodic.

Why should I watch the series?

The series is fun. Sincerely, un-apologetically fun.

The main characters get good screen time and we get to see some fun, decently written personalities that act off each other well. The Supa Strikas is a team of himbos but different varieties of himbos and I love them for it. You do get the feeling that this is a group of people that cares for each other, not a group of characters just shoved together because the series said so.

The side-characters are also great. Some of them are a little one-note but many of them are just as crazy, if not more fun, than the main characters of the show. There's an American dude named Ninja whose entire gimmick is that he's a reality star fame-seeking dude straight out of Las Vegas and I love him. He's one of the tamer character concepts.

Coach. That is all.

There's a vast array of diverse representation. While the Supa Strikas team is the only team is they only team of mixed nationalities (South African, Jamaican, Brazilian, Spanish, etc) every team is representing a different country. There's a Brazilian Team, a Mexican Team, a Saudi Arabian Team and many others.

In connection - the Supa Strikas have players from around the world. Dancing Rasta is Jamaican, the captain of the team, an incredibly competent leader and very down-to-earth. You do have players that are a little stereotypical (North Shaw is an Australian who loves extreme sports, shocker) but are written in ways that you find yourself not minding.

It's funny. There's a lot of good moments both in writing and in the animation. As someone who got to study animation, I can say without a shadow of doubt that the team behind the character animations had no fear in pushing what they can do and making the characters feel fun.

Some of the stereotypes used in the show are used well and are written in a fairly respectful way. El Matador, a Spanish player, fills the stereotype of being a self-absorbed Spaniard. but he's also written to care for friends and to be very competent in other areas. Plus, there are other Spanish characters like Riano that are nothing like that and have distinctly different personalities. As a Spaniard, I found this to be a good writing choice. These jokes are seen less as insults and more like friendly barbs between most countries and it doesn't detract from the show.

The technology. It's a running gag that the tech used to train the guys is progressively more outrageous.

No forced romance storylines! There's no character moment where boy meets girl and then we're stuck watching this inevitable couple find reasons to not be a couple. It's nice to not have the forced hetero-normative relationships we see in a lot of other shows.

To that end, fantastic healthy male friendships! There's no "no homo" moment and the characters all have very good chemistry. Again, you feel like they're actually friends. They all have different dynamics too, so the friendships don't feel uniform and stale.

Good emotional moments.

Bromances for the win! Genuinely shocked there's not more fandom for it considering the sheer quantity of POSSIBILITIES of bromances and potential ships to work with.

It's 100% fine if you don't know anything about futbol. The show shows literally what matters, not every single little throw-in, and most times there's some world-breaking nonsense going on that distracts from that. There's literally an episode where the opposing team changes gravity on the the field to try and beat the Supa Strikas, the rules barely matter. I promise you, you don't need to know what "Offsides" means in order to watch.

The commentators. I love them both.

The episodes are varied in stories. There's ones about training, ones about exploring a different country, others where the opponents cheat, etc. There's an episode which is almost a murder mystery and I love it.

All the episodes can be found free online on Youtube on the official channel for the show. I love this creative team so much.

There's a lot of good writing choices!

What might I not like about the show?

Some people like episodic shows, some don't. For those in the latter category this may drive them away from Supa Strikas.

There's like. 4 female characters. I can see why they did that, but I can also see why that is upsetting (speaking as a woman who is very tired of the Smurfette principle). The humor may not be for everyone. That's more based on personality, because I think there's something for everyone, but there are jokes that I recognize fall quite flat.

In connection to that, the stereotypes. Like I mentioned earlier, the show utilizes and breaks some stereotypes very well. There's a character (Spenza) who is written to be the chubby comic relief that is also 9/10 times the guy who saves LITERALLY EVERYONE from trouble and gets recognized for it, for example. However, the entire Japanese team is a karate-based team with a Coach named Ura Giri who wears Chinese clothes despite being Japanese. The German team is just a military branch and, while funny, might be offensive depending on which German you ask. It can be detracting from the show.

There's some bad writing choices that can be rough, but they are episode centric.

What should I do?

Watch the show. Give it 2-3 episodes and if it doesn't grab you, okay! You tried! If it does, welcome! it's literally for free on youtube, Seasons 1 through the last number I can't remember. I watch it when I'm working on something because it's fun and gets me to laugh, you might watch it with a bowl of popcorn. Just do your own thing!

If you do like it though, come back, hit me up with talks and questions about it. Besides multydoodles I haven't found a lot of people who really are into it so come! Join us! One of us!

Hope this mini-essay helped out and that the show works out for you!

[cyndalyssa]

Okay, so recent thing I reblogged reminded me of a thing and I felt I shouldn’t hijack that post so...

Back in my high school days (over ten years ago, when did I get that old), we had the Boomerang channel full of old Hanna-Barbera cartoons (and some Cartoon Network shows we watched as kids, I remember rewatching Teen Titans on that channel) that we decided to watch out of curiosity. Among them was the Smurfs.

I remember this one episode where Smurfette wanted to see a blue rose, and so started asking around town for ways to see one. I can’t remember much, I think Papa Smurf couldn’t summon one or recolor one for some reason, but there is this one scene that made me mad, and still kind of annoys me to this day. 

So at one point, she asks Painter Smurf to paint a blue rose for her, which is reasonable enough. But then he gets mad, and starts ranting to her about how he won’t do it because (I can’t remember exactly what he said, but here’s the gist of it):

“Do I paint the sky orange?! Do I paint the sun green?! Do I paint the grass red?! NO! Why do you expect me to paint a rose blue?!” 

And I’m just sitting there, watching this, flabbergasted that he was yelling at her for something so stupid, and thinking, “You call yourself an artist?  Use... your freakin’... imagination!” 

My utter annoyance with this scene was enough to have it stick in my mind (mostly, details be darned) and for me to hate that particular Smurf, regardless of how he was portrayed in any other episode. 

As for the rest of that ep, Smurfette eventually made a deal with someone to see one, and ended up losing her blue skin color to color a white rose, and then they fixed that problem, I don’t remember how.

[miraculouscontent]

“Didn’t Need Burrow” Masterpost (February)

Anonymous said:

Don't need Burrow: Finally, it will be revealed that Adrien is the main character and that Marinette was merely the narrator of his story (or history of their love).

The thing that we already know and won’t be a surprise.

Adrien didn’t have enough attention already but they were tired of using Marinette as their camera to his story.

Anonymous said:

Didn’t need burrow: Kagami wil decide to stay in Japan at the end of the Tokyo special. Prompting Chat Noir to start pursuing Ladybug again.

I doubt they’d make the specials official canon but I also don’t doubt Kagami getting sidelined so easily.

Anonymous said:

Alternative didn’t need burrow: Kagami won’t even be in the Japan special and all cultural knowledge will be explained by Adrien

Oh my gooooood.

*flashes back to Adrien and Gabriel greeting Kagami and Tomoe in Japanese*

Anonymous said:

Don't need Burrow: It will be revealed that Chloe is actually an innocent and naive little girl who acted like a malicious bully because she was manipulated and intimidated by Sabrina all the time. And it was Sabrina who made her bully the rest of the class and act as if everything had to revolve around her. And it will be retcon that Chloe did not abuse everyone to impress Audrey, but because Sabrina made her do it. (Note: I'm Anon that joked about Sabrina being more dangerous than Chloe)

fdjkhgjdfgfd welcome back, for sure.

I wasn’t ready for the Sabrina part since I was taking it 100% seriously up until then.

In before they say that Sabrina is just indulging Chloe and Chloe is how she is because Sabrina won’t do anything about it.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow to know that if there is finally a white little kid gets introduced to the show, he or she(though let's be honest, most often a he) will be a sweet little angel of sunshine who's always on their best behavior and never does anything wrong, unlike all those rowdy black children(barf). Bonus if the kid has blonde hair and blue/green/grey eyes. Double bonus if someone(say, Marinette or Nadja) says to one of the other kids "See, why can't you behave like they do?" Rolling my eyes.

OMG SOMEONE ELSE SAID IT. BLESS YOU.

I always feel so awkward hating on all the kid characters for that reason but it really does come down to they’re kids and I don’t like kids. Most of them are just written as “kid” and nothing else.

Friendly piece of advice to people writing children and are afraid of doing what this show does where the personality is just “stereotypical child”...

Write characters as if they’re teenagers first, and then “age them down.” It’s the difference between writing Mylene (for example) with the personality of “child,” and writing Mylene as a younger version of herself.

It also will make it less jarring if the character happens to grow up and become a teen at some point in the story, where their personality is better established; they’ll come off as a developed person rather than someone with a completely different personality from when they were little.

(If you’re having trouble imagining said child character as a teenager/adult, there’s definitely a step missing.)

Anonymous said:

Don't Need Burrow to know that when all the kids in Marinette and Adrien's class inevitably get Miraculouses of their own, only the girls will get theirs taken from them for one reason or another, either because someone else figured out their identity or they do something stupid and risk people knowing(or people actually do know), while the boys get to keep theirs permanently and Ladybug becomes the token Smurfette on her superhero team. Rena Rouge might be the exception to this.

G I R L  P O W E R

+ I mean, for Rena, Marinette’s already regretted giving her the miraculous at least once, so yeah.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need Burrow to know that when Marinette and Adrien inevitably discover each others' identities, defeat Hawk Moth and Mayura(the only good thing about this whole scenario), and gEt ToGeThEr, it(the latter, at least) will only be in the last episode of the last season, and we will get no time to see their development from "who dis?" to friends, to lovers. Love=ma^2 shippers will punch the nearest wall, while me and everyone else will sip our salty tea and ask what the fuck they expected.

If Season 4 decides the split between Lukanette and Adrimi, that means Season 5 is just going to be a love square shipping fuel fest of absolute and complete obnoxiousness with angst that’ll lead to reverse love square at best and then nothing more.

The tea will, however, be delicious.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need Burrow to know that Adrien will continue to steadfastly insist that Marinette is "just a friend"(such as saying so when Alya or Nino confronts him on it, or saying romantic sounding things to Marinette herself that are just intended as shipper-fanservice-bait, before adding something anticlimatic like "you're a really good FRIEND")...up until the moment when the plot decides to push them together and he'll magically change his tune and say that she was always more than just a friend.

How convenient~

Yeah, the plot has this habit of just changing things so immediately that it gives you whiplash, because they’ve never built anything up. I remember that it did that for me with the Miracle Box opening in “Sapotis” to reveal all the zodiacs.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow to know that Alya(and possibly the rest of the girl squad, but lets face it, most likely Alya so that she can be the Black Best Friend) will be used solely as a plot device to get Adrien and Marinette together(against Marinette's protests, if I may add), and Marinette will get almost no chances to make a move on Adrien on her own. I know you salt on Alya a lot but you gotta admit it kinda feels bad to potentially have her pushed aside to only support the love square.

No no, I totally agree! I don’t like Alya but I obviously feel bad that her and Nino have just become love square/plot pushers. Add in Rena Rouge and eugh, no thanks.

Anonymous said:

Didn’t Need Burrow to know when Marinette finally tells Adrien she’s in love with him, he’ll reject her, and when Marinette gets over him and gets together with Luka, then he’ll probably get akumatised because of it, and it’s all Marinettes fault for getting over him(EVEN THO HE MADE IT CLEAR HE WASNT INTERESTED!!!) and entering a healthy relationship.

This one sent me through a whirlwind of emotions.

Also, inevitable "only notice the girl who’s wanted you forever because now she has a boyfriend,” because yay.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need Burrow: Ms Bustiers pregnancy is going to be handled one of two ways, but they'll both lead to the same outcome: either

1) her pregnancy will be ignored and she'll look the same as she always has until the one episode where it's plot relevant, and she'll suddenly look nine months pregnant, or

2) she'll go from looking the way she does in the New York Special to looking nine months pregnant in the first episode of S4, possibly with the addition of cringy pregnancy jokes peppered in throughout the season until the episode where her being pregnant is plot relevant.

The inevitable outcome of this whole 'pregnant teacher' subplot will be an episode where Ms Bustier goes into labor during an Akuma attack that she (and possibly the entire class) are caught in the middle of for whatever reason, she'll give birth either during or right after said Akuma attack. LB will have to juggle both fighting the Akuma and delivering the baby, Chat will be useless during the pregnancy subplot (50/50 that he won't be much help during the Akuma attack), and there will be a moment where the two heroes are both cooing over the baby, and someone will make a remark about how they'll be such good parents one day.

I know this is probably too specific to actually pan out, but I'm confident that at least part of this will line up with what happens in the show

dfkhgjdfkgdfg oh my god, Ladybug helping deliver a baby, please kill me.

The “good parents” line absolutely made me cringe because they’d totally do that.

The thing about how Bustier will look is also 150% accurate and it pains me to say so. Her looking pregnant is the most “fleshing out” that we’ll ever get from her.

I could also see her getting a substitute instead (I originally was going to shorten it to “sub” but then I just imagined Miss Bustier eating a sub sandwich) and then coming back at some point like “oh I already had the baby, here he/she is,” and that’s how they avoid making a model for her being pregnant.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need Burrow: A character will have a bad day and get increasingly mad whenever things continue to go bad for them/when other people annoy them, but he or she will still manage to keep it cool. Only when MARINETTE does something wrong will that person finally SNAP and get akumatized, and of course, Marinette will be blamed for it despite everything already going bad for the character to begin with. It's like the writers try so hard to make things her fault when she's barely a part of it.

oh my god

This is also totally Santa Claws/Bother Christmas but with Marinette instead of Ladybug. Gotta get both sides in there, you know?

[be-dazzled]

GRUVIA DAY: I Kissed a Girl

Gray Fullbuster, Juvia Lockser September 10, 2020 Rating: M for sensitive language and theme

Writer's Corner: Before we start and before you light that fire to burn me, let's settle a few things: 1) I know. It's too early for Halloween. Consider it as an advance. Hahahaha; 2) I know a lot of you will hate me for this, esp with how the last FT100YRQuest chapter portrayed the FT girls. But please know that I wrote this with no intention to degrade any woman or devalue them in any way. Lastly, with that said, read at your own risk.

HAPPY GRUVIA DAY!

All rights reserve to Hiro Mashima, original creator.

Masterlist

---

It's that time of the year. The most awaited holiday of every tired out college student of Fairy Tail University was just around the corner – Halloween. Couldn't blame them. Halloween was the perfect excuse to dress up funny, drink silly and pass out on one of those green yards. But for the members of the Kappa Kappa Chi, it was the best time to wear the sexiest – sluttiest – costumes without actually being called one. And for the members of the Fairy Tail Dragons, the University's Three-peat Ice Hockey champions, to watch their fantasies come to life. Besides, it was that one day of the year when they could bang a Smurfette and not get judged for it. It was a win-win situation.

Except for Gray Fullbuster, FT Dragons' newest recruit, and this year's Halloween "Island Girl". The Dragons had a tradition, some kind of 'baptism of fire' thing. For this year's annual Kappa Halloween party, Gray Fullbuster was coming as 'Aloha' Fullbuster – the adventurous island girl of Tenroujima, looking for a good time in the City of Magnolia. So, that's a no to hooking up with any of the sexy ladies tonight. How sad.

Gray wished no one would recognize him in that totally inappropriate costume and hoped no one would hit on him. Because he was definitely going to hit on them back – with his foot.

Laxus Dreyar, the Dragons' vicious and ruthless Team Captain made sure Gray a.k.a. 'Aloha' had the complete ensemble: the lei, the fake grass skirt, the coconut bra. He was just being spiteful because his girlfriend made him wear a onesie – the 'not sexy' kind. But no one dared laugh at him, he was the Captain.

The only good thing that came out of this stupid 'Baptism of Fire' thing was Natsu getting the ballerina costume. No one would definitely want to hook up with that muscle guy in tights and leotards. At least, with his long, black wig, Gray could pass as a woman, beautiful at that. As a matter of fact, checking out 'Aloha' on the mirror, Gray would definitely hook up with her. Then, he shuddered, realizing he shouldn't because that would be weird. Dammit, and here Gray thought once he made it into the team, he'd have ladies flock around him and lock lips with the hottest girls 24/7. Guess he had to skip that this year.

"You ready, Island Girl?"

"Shut up, you dumbass ballerina."

Gray snarled at the pink-haired, cladded in a tutu with the same color as his hair, when he catcalled just to ruffle Gray's feathers. Oh, wait. Natsu was the one wearing the feathers.

"Aren't you cold?" Pink Swan genuinely asked as the two girls headed out of their dormitory. He was so serious Gray almost believed Tights and Leotards here was worried about him. At least, Pink Swan was covered all over, it was tight and every muscle in his body bulged, but all covered nonetheless.

Gray, on the other hand…

"Like I have a choice." He eyed the oddly unbothered left wing Forward, strutting down the sidewalk. Gray grimaced at his confidence and, if you look hard enough, a bit of Natsu's sass. Tights actually did look like an all muscle guy with a secret life as a ballerina. So much so that Gray reminded himself to stay away from Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the Pink Tutu at the party as much as possible.

They stopped near a lamp post and waited for the guys to pick them up. Captain promised that he would drive them to the Kappa House. That would make the walk to the Kappa less awkward and less violent because Gray and Natsu would definitely beat up whoever tried to as much as ogle them on the way there. But Gray knew Captain Laxus just wanted to make sure the two wouldn't bail, that's why he was going to bring them to the party himself. What a vicious Pokémon. That wasn't the only thing to be worried about though, Gray soon realized, when he choked on his own saliva as he watched Pink Swan Natsu rested his hip on the side and folded his hand to study his nails while they waited. Gray sidled a few steps just to put some space between them. Actually, he'd start to stay away from the guy now.

Gray could finally breathe, or, choke some more, when the "Bolt", Captain's yellow Chevy, stopped in a skid just in front of them. True to the typical High School jock fashion, of course, Laxus drove a convertible. How else could he flaunt his perfect life and his perfect girlfriend around campus and make all other men wished they were dead?

"You girls ready?"

Yeah. Whatever, Pikachu. Gray wanted to retort but, of course, he couldn't. So, both Gray and Natsu jumped into the car and squeezed themselves at the back seat with Batman Bickslow, who draped his icky arms around the new recruits and pulled the repulsed Freshmen against him possessively, promising, "Imma make sure you girls are comfortable."

More like the opposite of it. But there was no sign the pervy Batman was going to let go anytime soon, so might as well give up to his fate. Gray settled in his seat, preparing for the most dreadful night of his freshman life.

Well, this was going to be a fun night, he thought. Sarcasm implied.

---

The Kappa House was just around the corner. Could hardly miss it with the white strobes of light spinning around the sky like it was saying 'we're here'. The familiar beat of the bass blared into the large expanse of the garden and a flock of various characters came flowing into the mansion. Wow, these Kappa girls could throw a party.

The five of them walked into the house like they owned it. No, correction – like they own the world. The other members of the hockey team greeted the Captain on their way in. Each and all wanting to see the sight that was the Great Laxus Dreyar in his pokemon costume, complete with the thunder-ear headband. The girls quickly circled around them, wanting a piece of the famous hockey team. But Gray made the mistake of meeting eyes with one of the onlookers and getting the bite-lip, followed by a very suggestive air-bite from skinny Dracula. A palpable chill ran down his spine and Gray quickly came up with the decision not to make any more eye contact with anyone – anyone at all.

"You girls wait here." The Captain ordered, as he tipped his head over the silver-haired witch cladded in a red robe. Gray easily recognized her despite the coveralls – Mirajane Strauss, head cheerleader and the Captain's girl. Very pretty and very off-limits.

Laxus made his way over there, talked to her a little was now heading to one of those rooms upstairs. Man, the Captain was gonna get lucky while Gray was stuck with clueless college idiots ogling him and Natsu like they were some kind of virgin sacrifices. Life was so unfair sometimes.

"Well, they won't be coming down for a while." Batman Bickslow opened, turning to his Robin, Freed Justine. "Or ever. So, let's spread and mingle. Wadda you say?" He slapped a hand on Gray's tushy and added, "Get ourselves one of those cheerleaders, eh?" He looked back at the new recruits and had the urge to correct, "or some of those guys from the wrestling club. Who knows? You girls might get lucky."

Another shudder and it wasn't because Gray's belly was out in the open.

"See you around, ladies!"

It wasn't like Batman and Robin promised to protect them. So, just like that, Gray and Natsu were left to fend for themselves. Gray "Aloha" Fullbuster needed to get out of their before…

"Hello there, beautiful."

And he scrammed, leaving the Pink Swan to deal with the wackos and he didn't at all feel guilty.

It was a breath of fresh air when he stumbled into the decorated backyard. He couldn't be more thankful. Natsu could deal with those perverts himself. Gray just didn't have the energy. So, tonight, he'd rather be alone and invisible. He looked for a dark, quiet spot to brood, rethink his life choices maybe, but the loud laughter coming from the pool-side bar caught his attention. A group of girls gathered around the bar, wearing costumes ranging from Bunny Girl to Firefighter, each one not sparing a chance to show a lot of skin, mind you, and who knew Strawberries could be that sexy? As much as those characters demanded his full attention – to the best curves and skin – his appreciating eyes zeroed in on the familiar long, blue waves. He watched as the bluenette, who was wearing the same costume as he was, licked salt on some Greek god's abs. That lucky bastard. She shot back her drink and basked in the cheers of her Kappa Kappa Chi sisters.

"Hey, Juvia." Gray heard the voice behind him before feeling the weight of an arm over his shoulders. When he turned his head to see the owner of the voice, 'Aloha' winced at the smell of strong alcohol. "Found your twin!" The swaying Police Girl turned to him, breathing alcohol right into his face. "Let's go get a taste of that Greek god."

Hell no!

He protested but damn the woman was determined. Gray knew her; she was in his World Lit Class. Also, she's the reason he couldn't seem to approach the bluenette. He didn't mind getting welcomed into that circle though, especially when Juvia was the one who pulled him to her side and clung to him the whole time because she said they were soul sisters, being in the same hula girl costume. It wasn't on purpose but c'est la vie!

Maybe Captain Pikachu's 'initiation' wasn't that bad. Gray had been trying for days to talk to Juvia. She was also in his class, seating right in front of him. But he never got the chance because she was always surrounded by her cheerleader squad or those stubborn ugly looking guys who wouldn't go away. They weren't necessarily ugly but who cares? They were giant eyesores; especially when they were making Juvia laugh and giggle and he couldn't even come up and talk to the woman.

Thanks to this questionable 'initiation rights', Gray was this close to her, skin brushing against skin once in a while, and could even enjoy a laugh or two with Juvia. Oh ho! Gray had no complaints. Except for that one fleeting moment they were egging him to take a body shot on that Greek god dude. That was a hard no. Not even a slightly tipsy 'Aloha' would say yes to that. No, ma'am.

---

At around dawn, when people started leaving and after Cana, the drunk and sexy police girl, took home – up to her room at the Kappa House – the Greek god, the girls decided to bring the party inside, around the fireplace at the living room, or what looked like a tamed version of it. Actually, the girls were just tired. They had their fun with the Greek god and decided the only action they would be getting was a lazy game of truth or dare. Besides, their President, and the squad's Head Cheerleader, was up there 'getting it' for the rest of them. Somehow, Aloha-Gray found himself squeezed on the couch between Juvia and Mirajane's younger sister, Lisanna. Also, none of them were sober enough to realize he didn't really belong there. All he had to do was keep quiet and don't get picked by the bottle.

Otherwise…

"Okay, your turn Juvia!" It was the sexy librarian, Levy, who was dared to send a very provocative text to his lab partner, who spun the bottle that landed on the bluenette.

"Alright, alright. Dare." Juvia giggled. "Hit me with your best shot, Levy!"

Sexy Librarian opened her mouth but was quickly interrupted when they heard a loud derisive snort coming from sexy police girl who found her own place in the circle.

"You can't trust Shrimp for a fun dare." said Cana. "She'll just make you take off the stupid coconuts."

"Hey!" Levy retorted, but she sat right back, realizing that was exactly what she was going to challenge Juvia to do. "It's daring."

"How about this," The twinkle in those sober brown eyes gave Cana away. "I dare you to kiss your fellow Island Girl."

There was an amused 'ooh' bouncing around the room. That challenge definitely got everyone's attention since all of them knew Juvia was a bit too… vanilla. Never played for the other team, not even out of plain curiosity. When Juvia didn't respond, Cana thought she wasn't up for it.

"Too chicken?"

Juvia glanced at him, at Gray, and he could see she was considering it. She smirked at him with visible interest.

"If Aloha here doesn't mind."

That was probably the alcohol talking but Gray Fullbuster didn't mind. He most definitely did not mind. Except that, it was the exact moment his cock-block of a brain reminded him he wasn't really a girl and that would definitely defeat the purpose of the dare. They bonded over the Greek god and he really felt like he belonged there now. So, Gray ought to tell the girls the truth before things got out of hand. He owed that to Aloha's Kappa Kappa Chi sisters. But as Gray was about to come clean, Juvia had already got him tongue-tied, quite literally.

Juvia Lockser was a good kisser, very experienced. Gray would go as far as say she was more experienced than he was. She got some moves and dammit, Juvia Lockser was making him lose consciousness with just the way her tongue slithered around his. But it felt good, so good that it made him forget about honesty being the best policy and fought Juvia for dominance, leaning in as close as he could get. Gray could hear their coconuts knocking against each other. Juvia probably heard it too, knocking her senses back to her. There was no other reason why Juvia would pull her tongue out of Gray's mouth and started giggling against his lips.

"I'm sorry." She erupted into another series of giggles, making Gray feel self-conscious. But they probably have put on a good show because the girls were cheering them on, probably hoping for some encore performance.

"That was some kiss, Lockser." She received the thumbs-up approval from the darer.

"Not too vanilla now, am I?"

Juvia couldn't keep the gloat in her voice, throwing each of her non-believers a smug look and returned to the flustered Island Girl.

"Look. I ruined your lipstick." She said, wiping the stain outside the line of Gray's lips. "C'mon up, I'll help you fix it." But all Gray wanted was for Juvia to ruin it some more. Still, 'Aloha' followed her like an obedient puppy.

She brought him into her room and led him directly into her walk-in closet. Gray then realized how different a girl's room was from a guy's. He was sharing with Natsu and damn, their room was a labyrinth with all the dirty clothes and other dirty things thrown all over the floor. Juvai's room was neat, tidy and pink. Juvia went into her drawers to search for a lipstick with the same shade as Aloha's.

"Found it!"

She bounced back to him, pulling out the applicator to swatch on 'Aloha's' lips. Gray quickly blocked her hand, deciding he better come clean now or him and Juvia – never gonna happen.

"I'm sorry."

"Wow, your voice is really deep." Then, with the kiss probably sobering her up, Juvia pulled a look of confusion. "For a girl?"

"Actually, that's what I was going to talk to you about."

Carefully, 'Aloha' pulled his long, black hair off his head.

"I'm not a girl."

There was silence. Gray braced for the beating that was about to come but there was nothing. He peeked with one eye to see that Juvia wasn't pulling an angry expression.

"Oh, wow."

On the contrary, she looked a bit…

"That's good."

Relieved.

"For a second there, you got me doubting my own sexuality." She wasn't looking at him now. Juvia sat next to him and stared amusingly at the pink wall. "I really thought a girl was turning me on."

Okay, since she wasn't mad about the, it wasn't technically a lie… just a 'withholding of truth'. Fine, the lie. Since she wasn't angry at him and she was talking about being turned on, Gray carpe diem-ed. He sneaked beside Juvia and, with a smirk that both ghosted his lips and his voice, flirted.

"I turn you on?"

Juvia glanced at him, returning his playfulness. "Well…" but her smile of amusement started to waver as Juvia stared him up and down. "Not right now. No."

"Right." He understood, casting his eyes on the floor. All hope abandoned.

There was that uncomfortable silence again with Gray not knowing the social cues on situations like this. It wasn't everyday that he got Frenched by a hot girl thinking he was a girl and finding out that he actually wasn't. Gray didn't really know the best time to say goodbye and scram. He made attempts but they easily popped like a bubble. Besides, there was nothing he could come up with now that would be of any help. With the way Juvia was avoiding his eyes, hope was flying farther and farther away.

"Maybe," Juvia broke the ice, worrying her bottom lip with her crazy idea. "Maybe, if you lose the coconuts?"

Halleluiah! There was hope.

Gray quickly lost the coconuts and tossed them somewhere behind him.

"Top off." Gray watched Juvia eye him with interest. Then, her pleased blue eyes landed on his bottom and her lips twitched.

"And the skirt too."

He slid out of the grassy skirt in one quick move, tossing it along with his boxers, and waited as hot island girl Juvia checked him out in all his fine glory. She bit her lower lip, obviously loving what she saw.

"Not too shabby, Island Girl."

"Well," Gray gained his confidence, "it's Gray actually." and grabbed the woman by the waist, wincing at the pain of the coconuts which Juvia quickly got rid of, as they both tried to recapture that wanton passion they shared downstairs, when Gray was still 'Aloha' and Juvia was enjoying the thrill of her experiment. Then, the searing passion found its way to Juvia's bed where Gray made sure that, after that night, hot cheerleader Juvia would never think of him as a girl. Ever.

[ask-brainysmurf]

Greetings Brainy Smurf

First of all happy holidays, no matter which one you celebrate. I've been to Smurf Village 's Christmas celebration today. Normally we only celebrate the winter solstice at home. I wanted to write a letter from myself reflecting some thoughts to somesmurf. It's strange, though not unsmurfy to be able to talk to smurfs older than me again. It's been a few centuries since last time. Though this Grandpa Smurf seems full of himself, if you would pardon my wording. If there is one thing I've learned with age is that I am often wrong at times. You try your smurfiest but you always fall short at the end. I had a delightful conversation with Nanny Smurf, she reminds me a lot of you actually. At least from the little I've known from the letters.

I often worry that I'm not enough for the little ones and I know I won't be around forever. I just hope I'll get to see them grow up at the very least. When we first came to this village, a few days ago somesmurf asked me my age and before I could even answer a Smurf in red pants and a red hat named Papa Smurf was telling the smurf to not ask such questions. Seriously I am not sensitive about being 667 years old. Why would I be? It's just my age. As for Colourful, the reason we don't know their age is because we found them as a young smurfling past toddlerhood around 40 years ago. We found them in a burned down mushroom house protected by magical enchantments.

Sincerely Herbal

Dear Herbal,

Happy (late) holidays to you, as well. I celebrate Christmas, as my village does, mostly because it's easier to keep track of when Christmas is than it is to keep track of the winter solstice.

Grandpa Smurf is very strange. He's often out of it, and I fear he may be losing his mind with old age. He sometimes smurfs me in the back of the head with that cane of his for being an "uppity whippersnapper"- I can see where Papa Smurf got his penchant for discipline from.

Nanny on the other hand, I like quite a lot. She's also kind of crazy, but being isolated from other Smurfs for 500 years would do that to you. When the grove girls first came to the village, they thought she was one of them, but an old painting of her in her youth from centuries ago shows that she used to have blonde hair, which none of the grove girls have (naturally, that is). I asked her if she was made artificially like Smurfette, but she said she wasn't, and Grandpa Smurf can confirm that they grew up together. She's a complete and total mystery! She's also the best cook in the village and taught me how to knit.

Papa Smurf has a weird thing about his age... a few decades ago, when I was young and naive and had just smurfed 150, some of the other Smurfs and I smurfed that there was no way anyone could be over 500, because that was "too old." I think that's stuck with him over the years, because he's really sensitive about his age.

Apologies this response is so late, and that I didn't respond to everything- I had a busy Christmas!

Sincerely,

Brainy Smurf

[slayernina]

The Case of Robin Buckley: how to subvert the Mandatory Hetero Romance Plot (MHRP)

The beginning was clumsy, but the ending was fantastic.

Warning: spoilers/discussions over the ships in Stranger Things, Brokeback Mountain, 50 Shades of Grey, Harry Potter, MCU, Star Wars, Now You See Me, The Mummy, It, The Vampire Diaries, Mad Men, La Casa de Papel (Mind Heist).

My other metas here

La maldición de las cuatro brujas here

Una novela romántica de esas con un macizorro sin camiseta en la portada here

Buy me a ko-fi!

Do you know one of the concepts that angers me most? The “forced gay character” bullshit.

Excuse me? ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME.

Tell me just one book, movie, show or videogame that DOESN’T show a hetero romance. Problems thinking in one? Of course. Because the MHRP is so pervasive that even in stories when your Main Character is gay, of course there will be a MHRP, sometimes even involving said gay character. Or to attract chicks, because women won’t read/see anything without romance (hahaha, the gender gap in Captain Marvel’s reviews says hello with her female/male friendship, the female/female friendship, and the cat).

Real poster advertising Brokeback Mountain. You know, the movie about two cowboys in love with their wives. 

You know the dynamic: your Male Character sees her, the only Smurfette in the thing and by the end of everything, they are together. Like most horror movies, you endure the forced scenes of the love story, wanting to (finally) be done with it.

The plot is always the same: they see each other, the female make some acid remarks about the male (because we are in the XXI century and otherwise the male fantasy would be so much blatant) but they got together in the end. The Female Character Version of the MHRP written by a female writer is (slightly) better: at least your female character is pining for someone who is more interesting than the Smurfette (slightly again, and not always, but a jerk is more interesting than Generic White Dude). This is a direct consequence of two reasons: most writers are male (the ones who has good PR, at least), misoginy (against female writers and a ratio of 50% of characters of both sexes), homophobia (because gay is not nooormaaal and perverts our childreeeen), and the check points of “how to create a best-seller” (even those check points are proven to be incorrect and not useful to sell long time ago).

The forced necessity to introduce the MHRP

The MHRP always follow this steps, so it is easy to spot:

1. The Cool Girl Factor

The Smurfette is younger, cooler, hotter and funnier than your male hero. But she falls in love with him because… I really don’t know. Sometimes the guy is not even a nice guy.

Look. I understand why Anastasia Steele wanted to fuck Christian Grey. After all, he’s the better version of Mediocre White Guy Protagonist, and she doesn’t know anything better. But come on. Don’t fucking tell me Ramona Flowers and Knives would want to fuck Michael Cera. And stay with him.

Or a twenty something would want to fuck a grey haired man old enough to be her father, because mature men are the hottesttm. Dear writers, the only who says that are women who are also grey haired, stop trying to project how much you want to bang your daughter’s friends, I assure you as a woman and a former daughter friend, we don’t find you attractive at all.

No example included but this chart.

Or the idea of the younger, cooler, hotter and funnier female character who simply ends attracted to… no one. Seriously. If you don’t pair your younger, cooler, hotter and funnier female character with someone in the end, is not the end of the world.

Remember when JK Rowling said she paired Hermione with Ron because she wanted to subvert the dynamic of pairing the main female character with the male protagonist? This was a baby step in the right direction, but not the right question. The right question was not which whom she should be paired, if Harry, Ron or even Draco, but why she has to be paired at all?

Victor Krum Team btw, bitches. Despite the age gap.

2. The No Homo Message

Your male character has meaningful conversations with his best (male) friend? They spend a lot of screentime together? They have a preestablished relationship before what is happening in the story? The chemistry of both actors is terrific? Ok, let’s going to pair her with the Smurfette who just happens to appear conveniently for the plot.

In the MCU movies they had to stream storylines of thousands of comics in barely 2 hours per movie, so of course details would be deleted. Peggy Carter was The One for Steve Rogers. But time passed, Peggy died and now you have Captain America having a full saga of angst over Bucky Barnes. Okay, you don’t want to pair Cap with the Winter Soldier? Well, you can leave Steve alone and not make him kiss Peggy’s niece, who most of us are not able to remember her name and appeared for like 2 uneventful scenes before having a Big Damn Kiss with our Commited Virgin Hero.

Most blatant was the case with Black Widow. The actress had chemistry with almost everyone in the cast, and meaningful plots with almost everyone. Black Widow was the only Smurfette for a long time and was in a lot of franchises. There are real reasons to ship her with said Captain America, Tony Stark, Hawkeye… and she gets in the end with Hulk. Because reasons.

They broke up in Endgame and no one really cried.

Oscar Isaac was onboard with the StormPilot ship. Finn was meant to be with Rey at first (or at least be the False MHRP in the Reylo ship, depending on your view), but Poe appeared and started to stare Finn. The actor trolled Lucas Arts/Disney/China bootlickers execs so much that they added that ultra side character (the whatever smuggler from whatever planet) to be Poe’s ex. You don’t want to lose your conservative audience? Ok, money is money, but at least don’t pair your blatant queer coded character with extra #174. This is exactly what “forced” means.

She barely has a face, ffs.

3. You can erase the MHRP and the story and characters are the same.

Hell, even if you do that, maybe the story and characters would improve. You will have time to develop better the plot, or at least your audience won’t be scratching their heads asking why those two are together (or even worse, why she deal with his bullshit). The Big Bad kidnapped the Princess? Okay, your Mario will be more heroic if the just rescue the Princess because is a person, not because she is the girl he wants to fuck. Remember: sex<friendship/some random. Your character will be better if he or she improve by themselves, not because they want to impress the Designated Love Interest. I know, love and OTPs are very subjective, but even the most fluffy shippers recognize that context matters.

Remember Now You See Me saga? In the second, the girlfriend of the protagonist has to go because reasons (the actress was pregnant) and they added a new Smurfette. Who (at least) ended with the only other character not old enough to be his father.

Sassy redhead old love vs Darkhaired sassy new love. But still unnecessary. We came here for the magic!

The Mummy had Rachel Weisz as Evelyn Carnahan in nº1 and 2, but for the threequel, they recasted the actress. Like. WTF. If you cannot have Evelyn, then kill her. But this is was “disposable” means, because we all ready know Rick cannot be alone. Because reasons.

The Mummy 3 doesn’t exist. Like Batman’s 3rd gf in the Dark Knight saga.

Do you remember the guy from the right in Deadpool? Yep, he did everything in the plot for his fridge dead wife and child. Do you remember the names of said women? Of course not. The writers didn’t even bother to give them a name!

This was the magic of Stelena. In The Vampire Diaries, Elena was the reincarnation (or something) of the lost love of Stefan. Stefan was new, mysterious and charming. They got together before the reveal of “I am a vampire”. Where is the magic then? They admitted they just were horny for each other, like most teens (I have the theory of vampires maintain the maturity of the age in which they were killed), and roll with it. They kissed and all that jazz and later became friends and reliable partners. Like a lot people do in real life. First bang, then partners. But admit you were in for the sexy times like Stelena did, damnit.

4. The time and timing

You can’t have a story that lasts less than a week and have said pairing declaring love forever. Shakespeare already parodied this in Romeo and Juliet that was… you know. A parody. You can’t have a demon possessing your house/zombie apocalypse/mafia war/meteor coming and having your pair invested in bang each other. Is just not the time. If you do that is just ridiculous.

I get why Kylo Ren would be rooting by Rey. After all, she resisted him, her actress is Daisy Riley, and he has abandonment issues. But why she rooted for him? I mean, just more abandonment issues (after all she adopted a robot) is not enough to feel taht much pity and sympathy to the point of “hey, this is The One”. From her POV, the guy tried to kill her (several times) in around seven hours, killed father substitute Han Solo, is a Nazi Emperor, when they meet they fight to death and the only redemption he had was help her to fight Zombie Palpatine. That’s not enough. Even if somehow they manage to survive both, I suppose Kylo would be in some martial court and send to prison forever for all the things he did. And most of us distance (and years) kill a relationship. The writers even invented the resurrection power of the Force to pull off Reylo. I know that “consistency” is not a word in Star Wars world, and both characters are the superpowered versions of their sides, but come on. I don’t even get why Kylo Ren would want Rey as his student. There are more people around... and he has a fucking army, he doesn’t really need her. Seems an unnecessary complicated evil plan to me.

It can happen but not like it finally happened.

The ending would have been better if they did a Rogue One: you saw the MHRP coming, but the movie ended before the protagonists could start something. And these protagonists were young conventional attractive people, who didn’t try to kill each other when they are together. Just for your information.

But hey, the MHRP was so forced in the Star Wars saga that we had Padmé losing her pants for a stalker whose pick up lines were about sand, and two 1st grade siblings kissing each other, so…

It doesn’t matter how hot John Hamm is, I seriously doubt there would those parade of women in the 60s ready to bang Don Draper. Specially during the times with the rampant misogyny and slutshaming, NS the almost inexistent birth control and legal abortion. Also, I doubt the sexually liberated hippies would fuck the Supreme Yuppie.

Of course, you can have a non Stockholm Syndrome love story during a robbery that last less than a week.

5. Actors’ chemistry

Rule number one: if you have actors, make them work with the chemistry as much as they can. Or write the things more smoothly. Just don’t give them the “romantic” interactions to other pairings.

There is a reason why the Jonsa shippers increased exponentially in the 2-3 seasons Jon and Sansa Stark were “together”, even with people who didn’t ship them before fell for them. And people who shipped Jonerys rolled their eyes to the back of their skulls when Jonerys occurred (and some of them jumped the ship). Kindly reminder this people of the gif above are brother/sister (well, cousins).

Hell, I thought Billy in his first scene was going to pull a Love Square with the Unresolved Sexual Tension between Teen Team (StevexNancyxJonathan), or force something on Nancy that will solve the UST finally, or start the dynamic NancyxBad Boy (even if wasn’t canon but you know how viewers are) and instead of that… you have the Sex Walking Machine shirtless and sweating grinding Steve in a basketball practice. Twice. And later in a shower. Writers, I know that shippers will ship what they want, and will take any hint, but try to don’t fuel the ship machine so caressly. I don’t want to know what would have happened if you put them in the coffee shop AU or the “and there was only one bed!” scenes. FFS, the scene above ended in Pornhub in the “Jock obliterating twink” category.

 6. The dark side of the Smurfette: the Love Triangle

This is the usual ratio of male vs female in everything:

1 male, 1 female

2 males, 1 female

3-4 male, 1 female

4-5 male, 2 females (one of them usually is a sibling, but fucking your siblings is allowed since Game of Thrones became mainstream).

And so on. One of the deleted scenes of It was the gang bang (obviously), but yet we have Beverly, launcher of ships. At least here we have some more gay ships, and I’m not talking about the canon Reddie.

This is when we have with the MHRP2, the cancer version of the MHRP. Same everything, but even more forced, because you want the main female character to kill the other 2 males, to bang her best female friend instead, or have the male ones banging each other and dumping the female.

The Stranger Things Case

Stranger Things is not immune to this. We have Mileven. Mike chose her because she is the Smurfette. She chose Mike because reasons, because even in season 1, we can agree Dustin is an awesome scene stealer, Will is gay a cinnamon roll, Lucas is black in the 80s. So basically the writers make her chose the Generic White Guy (his name is fucking Mike even) instead of Anything That Can Subvert Expectations. Nancy had the Teen Love Triangle, and you knew since the beginning Joyce and Hopper will be something.

The MRHP was even more forced in season 2. Max arrived as (another) Love Triangle and to be the 6th ranger of the Party (see the ratio above). Because apparently, you cannot introduce a female character without being a love interest. Even if said character would be getting along with our protagonists anyway, because they share nerdy interests and she is also a misfit. Max could have been the Zoomer without the MRHP2 . The writers even forced Max in another Love Triangle with Mileven (combo, 2 MRHP with one character, where are my points?) with Eleven being jealous of her relationship with Mike. Not the Party, only with Max. Kali didn’t count since she didn’t interact with any main character or plot.

In season 3, we were introduced to Erica (sibling and still too young to have any action) and all the Love Triangles were finally resolved (except for the forced drama of Joyce ignoring Hopper for a second to stay with Mr Clarke).

Enter Robin, the MHRP for Steve. She has been working with Steve, who is at its peak of loser and also, single. She is a loser but a cool, smart, snarky one. She was supposed to exist in Hawkins since some time before, but conveniently was erased from existence by King Steve. She tried to help Steve to get girls, she mocked his Mom Status, and… that’s it. Then, she helped to enroll Erica in Scoops Troop, she resolved the Russian code, they break in, they get tortured, and they set the Mind Flayer on fire. I just listed all their scenes together during 8 hours of screentime, in the 5 days around the season 3 plot happened. And we were supposed to ship them because both are young, hot, white, and they shared 2 snarky scenes and later, a crazy plot about Evil Russianstm.

At least Suzie was a plot device, part of the “growing up” theme of the season, a Chekhov Gun and gave us an iconic scene.

But luckily for us, Joe Keery and Maya Hawke are millenials so hetero is not granted, they read their chemistry onscreen, Maya is a woman so she has already dealt with being the sexy lamp before disappear from lead roles because she will turn 35, they understand about writing, and how the tumor plot that is MHRP existed and convinced the writers midseason to stop the MHRP to happen (again). And instead of said MHRP, we received a beautiful (and meaningful) friendship in the show about friendship, and an organic and realistic coming out scene.

Thank, actors. We need more Joes and Mayas in the world. Or, at least, less MHRP. And this goes for you too, fellow writers and creators who are reading this.

How to troll your audience by subverting their expectations: Black Sails aka “Welcome to the Bi Island of fuck gender roles”, and also “this guy was dicked so hard and well that declared a war on England because of the death of his boyfriend”.

[kittyprincessofcats]

Endgame - SPOILER Review - The Good things

I’ll be upfront about it: I hated this movie. It was a badly-written mess that didn’t do justice to any of the characters and I’ll get more into detail about that later. But just to get it out of the way, I wanted to the make a list about the few things that I did like and that made this movie slightly less awful. So here’s what I liked about Avengers Endgame:

- Nebula <3 My only fave who’s still alive, and basically my only reason to watch this movie. Everything about Nebula was perfection. She’s such an amazing and underrated character, there were some great moments for her in this and Karen Gillian’s portrayal was so good. And that scene where she shoots her past self because her past self was aiming at Gamora and she’d rather see herself die than lose her sister again?? POETIC CINEMA. Gamora and Nebula’s sibling bond needs more appreciation in the fandom. If the Marvel-writers put half as much passion into writing Thor and Loki’s relationship I wouldn’t be complaining nearly as much.

- Tony nicknaming Nebula “smurfette”, playing games with her, and praising her for winning (because she’s never won anything before) - beautiful

- “Really? That’s him?” “You had the choice between him and a tree.” Best line. Ever.

- FRIGGA!!!! I didn’t expect to see her in this, but it was such a pleasant surprise! And she was so wise and sweet and managed to give Thor hope again <3 And did you hear her first words to her handmaidens/servants? “Make sure to bring Loki some warm soup.” Even when he was in prison and she wasn’t allowed to see him, Frigga made sure to take care of Loki. And I just realized that since it was right before her death, that scene took place after Loki told her she wasn’t his mother. And she didn’t seem angry at him  at all. She loves Loki more than any of the Marvel writers ever will, istg. Come back Frigga, the MCU’s out of balance without you!

- Loki, during the brief moments that he had on-screen. I don’t know how Tom Hiddleston does it, but somehow he just always steals the show in every scene he’s in. That dramatic eyeroll? That grin? Imitating Steve? Waving at the Hulk from the elevator? Grabbing the tesseract and leaving that mess of a movie? He only had two minutes of screentime and he killed it. He played every single second up to absolute perfection and it makes me angrier that he’s not getting the screentime or appreciation he deservs.

- Carol Danvers! I haven’t seen Captain Marvel yet, but I loved her in this! And that new haircut? 10/10, looks super gay.

- The satisfaction of getting to see Thanos die in the first 10 minutes was real.

- Ant-man was really cool in this and made me feel very bad for not having watched either of his movies. The reunion with his daughter was really moving.

- The people of Asgard aren’t completely wiped out and they’re living in New Asgard on Earth - I’m just glad it was confirmed they’re not all dead. Tiny victories.

- Steve managing to get the scepter by whispering “Hail Hydra” into that guy’s ear was pretty cool. Some people said they felt uncomfortable about him saying it at all (fair enough), but to me it felt more like a slap in the face to those comics because he’s only pretending and the other guy falling for it so quickly is kind of ridiculous.

- Steve catching his past self off-guard by saying “Bucky’s alive.”

- Steve being able to lift Mjolnir in the end and Thor saying “I knew it!”

- I really liked Rhodey in this.

- The beginning of the movie was pretty good: The sense of hoplessness, no one knowing what to do or how to move on with their lives, the entire world being in a constant state of mourning, Scott getting freed by accident and coming up with a plan by accident. Basically, I thought the general set-up was good, but the execution from there just got worse and worse.

[gritsandbrits]

My Least Favorite Tropes

Faux Action Girl: It's okay for a action girl to be the one in danger and need of rescuing sometimes, but stop with the fake outs. Faux Action Girls tend to be stupid and incompetent and their other strengths gets put on the back burner in favor of making them the damsel in distress. It's even more frustrating when the narrative tells us that she's strong but doesn't actually show us how and why. 

Designated Hero: Don't expect me to root for someone who is a complete asshole. I don't care if he's "flawed and unique" if he doesn't have anything to give him redeeming qualities or character development I won't care. Especially if his shitty actions are never called out, or they're portrayed as a positive thing. 

Token Pink Female/Pink Girl, Blue Boy: Can't girls be any color other than pink/light red/purple? Now I like pink but I'm so fed up with female characters especially the Token Girl being pink, especially if it only serves as an code for them being the distaff of the male character? I get it if it's To Sell Toys but, that gets annoying and turns into a stereotype that female characters must always be pink. Why not orange or green? It's more irritating when the Token Pink Girl ends up having no personality beyond Strong Female Character™ or a trophy between the male characters. She's essentially "the color pink the character."

Sassy Black Woman: Because black women can't have any other personality trait. She can't be spunky but also knowledgeable, or shy and docile, she has to constantly spit out salty one-liners and act all ratchet and ghetto in order to be relatable. I'm more annoyed that dark skinned girls get pigeonholed into this type of role.

Derailing Love Interests: Screwing up a perfectly normal character in an attempt to shove a pairing in the audience's faces is one reason why people hate shipping wars so much. You don't have to warp characters just to make a potential partner look good. Everyone has good and bad traits. It's especially aggravating when it's used to promote a toxic pairing/character over a nice character who can be part of a healthy relationship. Quit pitting people, more specifically women, against each other for the sake of pointless romantic drama.

The Complainer is Always Wrong even when he's right and provides good arguments for said complaints. 

Creator's Pet: I have a special list coming up for this trope because I really hate it. In short, a genuinely awful character is given love and support by their original creator or author yet has done little to nothing to receive said praise. Also the good and popular characters get shafted or demonized to make this character look good. I happen to share my birthday with one of the biggest Creator's Pets in Western media (Brenda Barrett from General Hospital). 

Human Focused Adaptation: If I want to see a movie about say, Road Rovers, I want to see the dogs in action, not their owners in their world of boring politics. If I want to see a movie about Bionicle I don't want some crummy and cliche white kid sucking up the spotlight from the Toa. Basically, this takes the characters from the original franchise and regulates them to special guest stars IN THEIR OWN MOVIE!!!! 

What's more, the humans from the original franchise are forgotten or never given expanded roles; alternatively they end up hogging spotlight from the actual cartoons and given a stupid and forced romantic arc over helping their friends saving the world. In fact if the original show was about saving the world, expect that to take a backseat to "I gotta impress the person I like so much" or "I have a crummy job" plot. I'll write more about this trope later on, but for now it's the one thing about these types of "cartoons to live action" aspects that I hate. 

Bratty Teenage Daughter/Dumbass Teenage Son: Again, teens can't have unique or complex personalities. If they're a girl expect to always be a brat or bitchy or so stupid in life they can barely function. If they're a guy then they always spend their time talking about girls and being dicks and failing school. The teenage girl can't be nice or nerdy or smart, and the teenage boy can't be competent or selfless. This perpetuates harmful stereotypes on both ends. 

Other Tropes I hate or find irritating

- Strangled By the Red String

- Woman Scorned

- With Friends Like These

- Badass Decay

- Villain Decay

- Flanderization

- Mentor Occupational Hazard

- Freudian Excuse

- Draco in Leather Pants

- Ron the Death Eater

- Spotlight Stealing Squad

- Designated Love Interest

- Official Couple 

- Revenge by Proxy

- Idiot Hero

- Karma Houdini 

- Jerk Sue

- Flat Character

- Darker and Edgier

- Dumb Muscle

- Love Dodecahedron

- Chickification

- Superhero fights another superhero

- Smurfette Principle

- Disproportionate Retribution

- Tangled by the Red String

[emi100395896]

WHY I LOVE : JUJUTSU KAISEN

A/N: Hi, yes I’m back. I’m sorry for being inactive for 60 smth days and probably going to be inactive for another 2 weeks because of exams but it’s fine. <3 I promise I binged lots of animes and I’m back with more headcanons. Also, I’m not sure if you guys would like me to do more than headcanons, but do tell if you want me to. I started this as a fun blog and hope to continue that even though I’m always inactive lol. Anyways, here you go, a jujutsu kaisen rant! Ps: these are my personal thoughts and feelings, if you don’t agree with them then fair enough! ^^

Genre: Crack/Comedy/?reviewing?

A/U(s): None.

Warnings: spoilers are put in brackets and are red! Watch out for them. :D

Trigger warnings: None.

Summary: Just me ranting. :)

UHHH REVIEW TIME! The main characters ;)

Megumi Fushiguro

Megumi is best sasuke trope boy. By far my favorite emo boy. Why? Well, it’s mostly because when animes introduce characters like Megumi they’re all emo and have to avenge their village and kill people and are ‘brocken’ or smth idk.

But jujutsu kaisen does the whole sasuke trope a big middle finger and makes Megumi a less tsundere, and broken character.

Honestly, I never expected Megumi to have this type of personality because most animes try to give his archetype the whole ‘their honest’ when in reality they are just rude and selfish. Megumi is literally honest. My guy had no problems telling Gojou that he wants Yuji to stay as his own opinion which if you asked any of the people under this archetype they would respond with ‘Ugh, just keep him alive okay?’.

Like he is honestly sweet and even when trying to force Yuji and Nobara to leave it WASNT for his own well-being it was for theirs. Literally is the opposite of Ray, Sasuke, and any type of character that is emo and rude. Also he is one of the few characters that deserves to be as powerful as he is because he didn’t get his powers because of ‘his burning rage for the person who killed his village as he tries to avenge them.’ And he also has a bad background but is quite an average character. I just appreciate him. :)

Nobara Kugisaki

AMAZING-

Honestly though, she’s amazing. My favorite character since she literally is a girly girl yet is powerful (nothing wrong with that, it’s just wow.), which hear me out.

Most shounen anime girls fall under 3 categories of female characters.

The useless damsel in distress that is a tsundere.

‘Another Naruto reference? Seriously Mochi?’ I’m so sorry my lovely reader, but Naruto is one of the founding fathers of all Shounen anime stereotypes. So yes, another Naruto reference.

First of all, I don’t hate this characters, I actually don’t dislike them either. That being said I don’t like them. I get this neutral emotion whenever someone like idk Sakura I guess is on screen next to Aiura Mikoto (Who btw, is another underrated female character that deserves love even though the anime is crack-y.). I guess it’s because throughout all of the Arc’s and episodes, Sakura hasn’t changed or developed or even learned from past mistakes. It sucks seeing character that could’ve had potential, being boring and just bad. Also she’s ungrateful for her parents for no reason, and that just says a lot about her persona. To be honest, most Naruto female characters are like this, and I don’t want to hear crap about Hinata’s character because she barely got screen time and the only times we see her is when the creator pushes her to be next to Naruto more often or if the whole gang is together. (I watched a bit of Naruto so I could be wrong about this whole thing but this is again, my opinion.)

The dimwit and clumsy/tsundere/strong female fan service

Oh look, it’s everyone’s ‘favorite’ Erza Scarlet from Fairytail. But whoops, her whole character is just her having cleavage. Or everyone’s favorite crime Taboo Tattoo (I didn’t watch it but most fans have come together and agreed that it would’ve been a decent anime without all of the fan service.) Or maybe the stereotypical dimwit character that is clumsy?

Yeah, you know who I’m talking about right?

I feel like some animes, that are 23 minutes long, would be reduced to around 15 minutes without all the fan service (not counting the Opening or ending)

(Also all the dumb jokes, but that’s for another time.)

Looking at how many creators complain they can’t go too in-depth with their OC’s, because they don’t have much time, but they somehow can fit in a whole scene of people literally having their clothes ripped off because of how ‘delicious’ it is. Yes, I’m coming after you Food Wars. Even though I am a big fan, that doesn’t mean I can ignore the flaws. I am fair and will admit that, as far as characters go, Food Wars is shallow.

Personally, mha is also another crime with lots of fan service of 15-16 year old girls. 😀

I don’t want to get into the heated Hero Hei debate wether this doesn’t count because they’re ‘fictional’ or if it does. So moving on.

Can I mention how much Momo Yaoyorozu could’ve been an amazing character with amazing development and a cool quirk? I mean personally, I hate how Momo is now just fanservice. This queen has an amazing quirk, went in through recommendations, smart, helpful, is class Vice President, heroic, tall, thoughtful, rich but doesn’t brag about it and is humble, and just a cool character that could be delved deeper on?

Haha nope. Boobs.

avegsjhsowhaGEJEGOA

W h a t

This literal queen could carry this series on her back yet they have the audacity to make her have zero personality and just a background character? Like excuse me, I don’t think you understand, but Principle Nezu has more screen time than her. Literally her and Koda (Creati and Anima) could be so cool but no one ever acknowledges them. :(

Anyways let’s move on.

And finally, the love interest.

Ochako Uraraka. That’s it.

Ochako really deserves more, honestly. I was hyped up in the sports fest. because she just showed off that she isn’t backing down, and now she’s just a mindless love interest.

Honestly, I don’t like talking about this topic the most because A, it’s controversial for some reason. And B, it sucks seeing these amazing characters being watered down to just a love interest.

OH BUT NOBARA? NOBARA?

SHE DOESN’T NEED ANYONE!

She’s fine on her own, thank you very much.

I mean best scene was when she was fighting Sabrina the witch and didn’t seem to care much about scars and she just debunked all of those things and I just UGGGHHHH- <33333

Like animes try so hard to have a feminist role model by making her tomboyish and mean and a tsundere and calls anyone that looks at her a pervert.

But Nobara isn’t any of that. Nobara is fashionable and powerful. She loves shopping. She loves eating expensive. She loves Luxuries. She loves proving people she’s strong. She isn’t easily scared. She protects, and I just love her. She isn’t your stereotypical tomboy or at least she doesn’t fall into the smurfette effect or smth.

Tbh, I was worried when she joined them. I said either she’s a tomboy who’s a tsundere or a soft spoken damsel in distress, but now that I’ve seen her, I know that Nobara is Nobara. And that you all should appreciate her also.

Okay enough of that rant lol, moving on to Yuji!

Yuji Itadori

I LOVE THIS MC!

Are we going to use stereotypes again? Yes we are!

Usually shounen MCs have the worst personality either being too bland (mf MC from re-zero) or just too much of a coward/weakling/pervert/happy-go-lucky character.

I mean, if we are going to have a strong character he has to be a pervert for some reason.

A respectful character is a crybaby/weakling.

And a happy character has a dark secret side and ‘OmG lOoK hE’s SoO sc a Ry!1!1!’.

And tbh Yuji falls in the rare category.

The category that isn’t a crybaby, perverted, 11 year old that looks like he’s at least 20.

That category is what I’d like to call. The Saiki K. category.

I love MC’s like this because they aren’t too shallow, but not the whole story is about THEM and THEM ONLY.

It’s amazing to see how they still have the same personality but somehow have went through a bigger character development than all those other MC’s.

(Not disrespecting your faves, once again this is a personal opinion-)

And the way he isn’t OP and actually has trouble and the way (Slight spoilers!) that we can see that when he asks Sukuna to heal yoshino and the way Sukuna just laughs and I just like how they didn’t make Yuji just ‘become OP through the power of friendship’ and just they accepted he was dead or how his hand was cut off and he accepted it but how when he was dying he actually cried saying how he didn’t want to die showing us hey, it’s okay to cry but please don’t cry when you win a prize or competition or something. (End of spoilers!)

Ugh I just love Yuji being an MC. Again, he is one of those few rare MC’s with interesting character design, and personality without overwhelming it or just underwhelm it.

AND FINALLY YES ITS HIS TIME

Satoru Gojo

I DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO BE THIS GOOFY LMAO-

Honestly most surprising character.

DHEUIWOWV should I make a separate post for the plot, story and Gojo? It’s getting late where I am sooo this gonna get a continuation! I’m Mochi and see you guys next time, Bye-Bye! (｡- u -｡)

[delicatelythoughtfulpatrol]

How Pop Music’s Teenage Dream Ended

A decade ago, Katy Perry’s sound was ubiquitous. Today, it’s niche. How did a genre defined by popularity become unpopular?

Story by Spencer Kornhaber

“I am a walking cartoon most days,” Katy Perry told Billboard in 2010, and anyone who lived through the reign of Teenage Dream—Perry’s smash album that turned 10 years old on August 24—knows what she meant. Everywhere you looked or clicked back then, there was Perry, wrapped in candy-cane stripes, firing whipped cream from her breasts, wearing a toothpaste-blue wig, and grinning like an emoji. She titled one world tour “Hello Katy,” a nod to the Japanese cat character on gel pens worldwide. She made her voice-acting debut, in 2011, by playing Smurfette.

Perry’s music was cartoonish too: simple, silly, with lyrics stringing together caricature-like images of high-school parties, seductive aliens, and girls in Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top. Kids loved the stuff, and adults, bopping along at karaoke or Starbucks, enjoyed it too. (Maybe that’s because, like with so much classic Disney and Looney Tunes animation, the cuteness barely disguised a ton of raunch.) Teenage Dream generated five No. 1 singles in the United States—a feat previously accomplished only by Michael Jackson’s Bad—and it went platinum eight times.

Perry wasn’t alone in achieving domination through colorful looks and stomping songs. Teenage Dream arrived amid a wave of female pop singers selling their own costumed fictions: Lady Gaga, a walking Gaudí cathedral, roared EDM operas. Beyoncé shimmied in the guise of her alter ego, Sasha Fierce. Nicki Minaj flipped through personalities while wearing anime silhouettes and fuchsia patterns. Kesha, glitter-strewn and studded, babbled her battle cries. Taylor Swift trundled around in horse-drawn carriages. Each singer achieved impressive things, though arguably none of their albums so purely epitomized pop—in commercial, aesthetic, or sociological terms—like Perry’s Teenage Dream did.

A decade later, that early-2010s fantasy has ended, and Perry and her peers have seemed to switch gears. Rihanna has put her music career on pause while building a fashion and makeup empire. Beyoncé has turned her focus to richly textured visual albums that don’t necessarily spawn monster singles. Gaga, after a long detour away from dance floors, has returned to sounds and looks comparable to those of her early days, but she cannot bank on mass listenership for doing so. Swift keeps reinventing herself with greater seriousness, and little about her latest best seller, Folklore, scans as pop. Perry’s latest album, Smile, came out Friday. Regarding her new music’s likelihood of world domination, Perry told Apple Music’s Zane Lowe, “My expectations are very managed right now.”

For the younger class of today’s stars, Teenage Dream seems like a faint influence. The Billboard Hot 100 is largely the terrain of raunchy rap, political rap, and emo rap, with a smattering of country drinking songs thrown in. Ultra-hummable singers such as Halsey and Billie Eilish are still on the radio, but they cut their catchiness with a sad, sleepy edge. A light disco resurgence may be brewing—BTS just strutted to No. 1 on the American charts while capitalizing on it—but that doesn’t change the overall mood of the moment. Almost nothing creates the sucrose high of Teenage Dream; almost nothing sounds as if Smurfette might sing it.

The recent state of commercial music has led to much commentary arguing that pop is dying, dead, or dormant. That’s a funny concept to consider—isn’t popular music, definitionally, whatever’s popular? In one sense, yes. But pop also refers to a compositional tradition, one with go-to chords, structures, and tropes. This type of pop prizes easily enjoyed melodies and sentiments; it moves but does not challenge the hips and the feet. It is omnivorous, and will spangle itself with elements of rock, rap, country, or whatever else it wants without losing its essential pop-ness. 

The early-2010s strain of it seemed like the height of irresistibility, and yet it’s mostly faded away. There are many reasons for that, but they can all be reduced to what Perry’s journey over the past decade has shown: Life and listening have become too complex for 2-D.

Pop has seemed to die and be reborn many times. When the 21st century arrived, the music industry was near the historical peak of its profitability—in part because of slick sing-alongs catering to teenagers and written by grown-up Swedes.

 But over the first few years of the 2000s, CD sales crashed thanks to the internet, boy bands such as ’NSync began to splinter, and Britney Spears’s long-running confrontation with the paparazzi reached an ugly culmination. 

Around the same time, women such as Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Ashlee Simpson, and Avril Lavigne began scoring hits inspired by mosh pits but more appropriate for malls. Gwen Stefani moved from rock-band frontwoman to dance-floor diva during this period as well. Such performers, though often assisted by the same producers and songwriters who helped mold Spears, flaunted unruly personalities to a reality-TV-guzzling public hungry for a kind of curated grit.

Katy Perry capped off this rock-pop boomlet. The California-born Katheryn Hudson had kicked around the music industry for years, first as a Christian singer—her parents were traveling evangelists—and then as an Alanis Morissette–worshipping songwriter.

She finally hit on a winning combo of sounds for One of the Boys, her delicious 2008 major-label debut, whose spiky rhythms, crunching guitars, sneering vocals, and juvenile gender politics earned her a spot on the Warped Tour, a punk institution. But the gooey, sassy hooks of “I Kissed a Girl,” “Waking Up in Vegas,” and “Hot n Cold” really made her a household name. 

Some of those songs benefited from the touch of Max Martin and Dr. Luke, songwriters-slash-producers of 2000s pop legend. (In 2014, Kesha filed a lawsuit accusing Dr. Luke, her producer and manager, of rape and abuse; he denied her claims and eventually prevailed in a years-long, very-public court battle over Kesha’s record contract.)

By late 2009, when Perry set out to record her follow-up to One of the Boys, the musical landscape had shifted again thanks to the arrival of Lady Gaga, a former cabaret singer with mystique-infused visuals and an electro-dance sound. What made Gaga different was not only her thundering Euro-club beats, but also her persona, or lack thereof. 

Gaga’s work overflowed with camp fun while keeping the singer’s true nature hidden under outrageous headpieces. By forgoing any attempts at banal relatability, Gaga seemed deep. In this way, she updated the glam antics of Prince, Madonna, and David Bowie for the YouTube era. Many of her peers took note, including Perry. 

Teenage Dream was lighter and happier than anything Gaga did, but it was electronic and fanciful in a manner that Perry’s previous work had not been. The cartoon Perry was born.

The conceit of Teenage Dream’s title track—“you make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream”—really boils down pop’s appeal to its essence: indulging a preposterous rush while also reveling in its preposterousness. “It is Perry’s self-consciousness—her awareness of herself as a complete package—that makes her interesting,” went one line in an NPR rave about the album. Even skeptical reviewers gave credit to standout singles such as “California Gurls” and “Firework” for being effective earworms. Perry had laid out her intended sound by sending a mixtape of the Cardigans and ABBA to Dr. Luke, who was part of a production team that pushed for perfection. 

“People on the management side and label side were pretty much telling me that we were done, before we had ‘Teenage Dream’ or ‘California Gurls,’” Luke told Billboard in 2010. “And I said, ‘No, we’re not done.’”

Such efforts ensured Teenage Dream’s incredible staying power on the charts through early 2012. The album’s deluxe reissue that year then generated a sixth No. 1 single, “Part of Me,” which also provided the title of a self-produced documentary that Perry released around the same time. Much of the footage showcases the stagecraft behind her 2011–12 world tour, a pageant of dancing gingerbread men and poofy pink clouds that would presage her hallucinatory 2015 Super Bowl halftime show. Perry comes off as charming and willful, and the film currently sits as the 11th-highest-grossing documentary in U.S. box-office history.

Yet the movie is best remembered today not for the way it shored up Perry’s shiny image, but for the way it complicated it. Over the course of the tour, Perry’s marriage to the comedian Russell Brand dissolved, and the cameras captured her sobbing just before getting on stage in São Paulo. It’s a wrenching, now-legendary scene. But elsewhere in the film, the viewer can’t help but experience cognitive dissonance as the singer’s personal dramas are synced up to concert footage of grin-inducing costumes and schoolyard sing-alongs. By hitching Teenage Dream’s whimsy to real-life struggle, the movie seemed to subvert exactly what had made the album successful: the feeling that Perry’s music was made to escape, not amplify, one’s problems.

Perry released her next album in 2013, a year that now seems pivotal in mainstream music’s trajectory. That’s the year Gaga pushed her meta-superficial shtick until it broke on the bombastic Artpop, which earned mixed reviews and soft sales.

 It’s also the year Lorde, a New Zealand teenager whose confessional lyrics and glum sonic sensibility would be copied for the rest of the decade, released her debut. Then in December, Beyoncé surprise-dropped a self-titled album whose opening track, “Pretty Hurts,” convincingly critiqued the way society asks women to construct beauty-pageant versions of themselves.

Later on the album, Beyoncé sang in shockingly explicit detail about her marriage to Jay-Z. Tropes of drunken hookups, simmering jealousy, and near-breakups were reinvigorated as specific and biographical, thanks in part to Beyoncé’s fluency with rap’s and R&B’s storytelling methods. She ended up seeming more glamorous than ever for the appearance of honesty.

The title of Perry’s album, Prism, not-so-subtly advertised her trying, too, to show more dimension. But the songs’ greeting-card empowerment messages, hokey spirituality, and awkward genre hopping made it seem as if Perry had simply changed costumes rather than had a true breakthrough. 

Still, both the cliché-parade of “Roar” and the trap-appropriating “Dark Horse” hit No. 1., and Prism’s track list includes a few examples of expert, big-budget songcraft. 

The album would turn out to be Perry’s last outing with a key collaborator, Dr. Luke. While she has maintained that she’s had only positive experiences with the producer, Perry hasn’t recorded a song with him since Kesha filed her 2014 lawsuit.

The Kesha-versus-Luke chapter added to a brewing sense that the carefree pop of the early 2010s was built on dark realities: Perry and Gaga have both described their most profitable years as personally torturous. Broader social and political developments—Black Lives Matter, the #MeToo movement, and the election of Donald Trump—also proved impossible to ignore for even the most frivolous-seeming entertainers. 

“When I first came out, we were living in a different mindset in the world,” Perry said in a recent Rolling Stone interview. “We were flying high off of, like, life. We weren’t struggling like we are. 

There wasn’t so much of a divide. All of the inequality was kind of underneath the mat. It was unspoken. It wasn’t facing us. And now it’s really facing us. I just feel like I can’t just put an escapist record out: Like, let’s go to Disneyland in our mind for 45 minutes.”

If that point of view sounds blinkered by privilege—who wasn’t struggling before, Katy?—Perry probably wouldn’t disagree. Her 2017 album, Witness, arrived with a blitz of publicity about how the star had become politically awakened and had decided to strip back her Katy Perry character to show more of the real Katheryn Hudson. A multiday live-stream in which fans watched her sleep, wake up, have fun, and go to therapy certainly conveyed that she didn’t want to seem like a posterized picture anymore. 

Yet neither Witness’s attempts at light sloganeering (the anti-apathy “Chained to the Rhythm”) nor its sillier side (the charmingly odd “Swish Swish”) 

connected with the public. It’s hard to say whether the problem was more temperamental or technological: By 2017, streaming had fully upended the radio-centric monoculture that stars like Perry once thrived in.

Her new album, Smile, is an explicit reaction to the commercial and critical disappointment of the Witness phase. Over jaunty arrangements, song after song talks about perking up after, per Smile’s title track, an “ego check.” There are also clear nods to her personal life. “Never Really Over” ruminates on a dead-then-revived relationship much like the one she has had with Orlando Bloom. “What Makes a Woman,” Perry has said, is a letter to her daughter, who was born on Wednesday. But she’s still mostly communicating in generic terms—lyrics depict flowers growing through pavement and frowns turned around—and with interchangeable songs. The explosive optimism of Teenage Dream has been replaced by ambivalence and resolve, yet the musical mode hasn’t really changed to match.

This leaves Perry tending to longtime fans but unlikely to mint many new ones. That’s because pure pop, the kind that thrives on doing simplicity really well, is largely a niche art form now. The delightful Carly Rae Jepsen will still sell out venues despite not having had a true hit in years. Today’s most acclaimed indie acts include the likes of 100 Gecs and Sophie, who create parodic, deadpan pastiches of pop clichés. Fixtures such as Lady Gaga do still have enough heft to ripple the charts (and thank God—her sense of spectacle saved the VMAs on Sunday). But her recent No. 1 single, “Rain on Me,” benefited from Ariana Grande, whose ongoing success comes from smartly channeling R&B. 

The current status of Dr. Luke, who has retreated from the public eye but still works with lesser-known talents and while using pseudonyms, seems telling too. He can’t land a hit with Kim Petras, a dance diva in the Katy Perry lineage. But he can land a hit with a rapper: He’s behind Doja Cat’s recent smash “Say So.”

Streaming, now the dominant form of music consumption, does not reward bright and insistent sing-alongs that demand attention but offer little depth. It instead works well for vibey background music, like the kind made by Post Malone, who’s maybe the most cartoonish figure of the present zeitgeist. It also works well for hip-hop with an obsession-worthy interplay of slangy lyrics, syncopated rhythms, and complex personas, all of which are presented in a context that feels like it has something to do with real life. 

Last week’s No. 1 song in the country, “WAP,” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, radiates some of the fantastical thrill of the 2010 charts. But it delivers that thrill as part of a lewd verbal onslaught by women whom the public has come to know on an alarmingly personal level. The video for “WAP” is bright and pink, yes, but also immersive. 

It’s not a cartoon—it’s virtual reality.

[andrewmoocow]

Clod on the Run chapter 1: Mrs. Blue Di (originally posted on May 5, 2017)

“So you have some kind of history with these rocks?”

A group of five individuals were being escorted through a hallway by two hulking purple females. The first of these was a human man dressed like he's a space cowboy. This was Peter Quill aka Star-Lord. Along with him was a green-skinned woman named Gamora, the most dangerous woman in the galaxy, another male who's body was covered in tattoos called Drax the Destroyer, the raccoon-like mercenary Rocket and his giant tree accomplice Groot. Together, they formed the Guardians of the Galaxy. Their spaceship the Milano had crash-landed on a space station when they were found by the guards.

“Well you see,” Rocket said sweating. “The Collector wanted me to find a couple of Rose Quartz gems for his museum so I took some from this spaceport which these people call a human zoo.”

Drax, not understanding some things as always, was confused. “Didn't Peter say that zoos are where humans look at animals, not BE animals?” he asked. “No no no Drax, yeh got it all along.” The furry bounty hunter corrected. “This zoo is where humans are kept to 'preserve the legacy of Earth' or some krutacking garbage like that.”

As the five were led to a door guarded by a blue woman wearing white boots and her hair in buns, Groot looked over his buddy. “I am Groot?” he asked. “What, I'm not sweating in fear guys!” Rocket claimed, trying to lie about the situation. “It's just that these Gems were after my furry little head and want nothing more than the extermination of all organic life forms!” The furball got more sweaty as he fell to the floor. “Groot's right Rocket, you seem pretty afraid of them.” Gamora said, kneeling down to Rocket's eye level. “I am Groot.” the tree agreed.

“Hey guys, is it me or does Smurfette here look like that lady from The Music Man?” Star-Lord asked pointing to the guard. “Let me see, what was her name again?” he started wondering to himself, pacing around in a circle. The guard started getting tired of the man's talking. “Oh I know now, Marian the Librarian!” he finally realized but just then, he was grabbed by the two purple giants. “I've had enough of this one. Amethysts, take him to the human zoo!” the blue Gem finally said. “Yes Holly Blue Agate!” the Amethysts replied saluting her.

“Hold it right there Holly!” Rocket stated, getting up and dusting himself off. “The human's with us.” The Amethysts put Peter down as Holly Blue Agate glared at Rocket. “Oh goody, you again.” she grumbled. “Right this way now.” As she took over leading the Guardians, she turned towards the Amethysts and said “Now get back to your post.”

The Guardians were led into a large pink room by Holly Blue Agate filled with Rose Quartz gems in bubbles. At the center of the room was a large blue figure with white hair and a blue cloak examining the bubbles. By the giant's side was a petite lass with a pointy nose and blue hair covering her eye. “Who's the titan there?” Drax asked pointing to the giant woman “That's Blue Diamond, pretty much the only one of these weirdos that I can respect because she doesn't want me dead.” Rocket answered. “And the little one is her Pearl.” he added.

“My Diamond, we have visitors.” Holly Blue Agate addressed her superior. “Including that mangy cur.” Rocket was angered by her snide comment and pointed a blaster at her. “YOU TAKE THAT BACK!” Just as he was about to shoot, Blue Diamond stopped him. “Please put your weapon down Rocket.” she quietly ordered. The raccoon could only groan as he put it away.

“So, you must be Blue Diamond.” Peter said trying to look tough. “Yes, and you are human?” she asked. “My name,” the human replied. “Is Star-Lord.” Complete silence filled the room before Blue Pearl broke it. “Who?”

Star-Lord got exasperated about how there are still people who don't know his name. “Star-Lord man! Legendary outlaw, leader of a lovable group of misfits?” He face-palmed as another figure entered the room. She looked a lot like Blue Diamond, except she was yellow, had more angular eyes and hair points. Like her fellow diamond, she also had a Pearl.

“I see that dreadful Rocket and his guardians have come to visit.” The yellow one said with a bit of a sarcastic tone in her voice. “Aw come on, I'm the leader here!” Star-Lord shouted. “And it seems the human zoo forgot one.” her Pearl added with a smug grin. “That one is Yellow Diamond, pretty much the second in command of the Great Diamond Authority.” Rocket said to Gamora pointing to Yellow Diamond.

“So if there are three Diamonds leading the Gems and the symbol has four, what happened to the fourth one?” The green warrior asked. “It's a long story, but let's say she's the reason all these bubbles are here.”

“So anyway,” Yellow Diamond began as she set her Pearl down. “We've heard that you've been offering your services for good prices lately.” Rocket's ears began to perk up. “Why yes we have!” he said excitedly. If there's anything Rocket loved as much as Groot, weapons and flying, it was money. “So what'll it be?” Peter asked. “Search and rescue, protect something precious to your people?” Rocket started to rub his hands greedily as Groot put on a worried expression.

“How about capture?” Yellow Diamond said. “Who would you want us to capture?” Drax asked. “Pearl,” Yellow Diamond ordered. “Bring up the wanted list.”

“Yes my Diamond.” Yellow Pearl immediately obliged as she brought up a hologram of various wanted criminals and started scrolling through them. Among them were a human-like Gem about Drax's height with thick pink hair & a white dress with a star-shaped hole exposing her gem, a smaller Gem with green skin, triangular hair & a green gem on her forehead and an angry Rocket with his middle finger censored.

“Ah, that's the one.” Yellow Pearl finally said. She picked out the second poster and handed it to Rocket. “Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut 5XG.” he read aloud. “Why do you want us to capture this one” Drax asked looking over the critter's shoulder. “It is too small and innocent to be a threat.”

“Why it's simple really.” Yellow Diamond said, getting angrier as she spoke. “She flat out betrayed me, refused to give me information on the Cluster AND CALLED ME A CLOD!!!” All the Guardians quivered in fear of the yellow giant until her blue comrade was able to calm her down.”Temper Yellow, temper.” she said as she put her hands on her sister's shoulders. Yellow was able to calm down before turning to the Guardians. “So how many units are we talkin' here?” Rocket asked handing the hologram back to Yellow Pearl. “1,969, 2,008?”

“How about 5,000?” Yellow Diamond said. Rocket was immediately awestruck by the price. “It's a deal!” he exclaimed. “C'mon gang, we gotta midget to catch!” As he marched towards the door, he noticed someone was missing. “Hey anyone seen Quill?” The other Guardians pointed towards their leader dancing to music on his Walkman with Blue Pearl watching.

“So what did you say this music was called?” The Gem asked. “It's called I Want You Back by the Jackson 5.” Peter answered. “Want a listen?” Just then, Rocket started tugging his leg like a little child. “C'mon Pete, we got a midget to catch. The raccoon said. “Well looks like we gotta go.” Peter said to Blue Pearl as he turned towards the two Diamonds. “Thanks for having us over girls!”

“Likewise human.” Yellow Diamond groaned. “And by the way, you'll find your vessel repaired.” Holly Blue Agate began to lead the Guardians back to the port when Star-Lord turned towards Blue Pearl and said “Call me.”

“Alright gang. Riches beyond our wildest dreams here we come!” Rocket shouted as they boarded the Milano. As estatic as he was, the rest of the team were a bit unsure. “I don't know Rocket.” Gamora said. “You told us about how the Diamonds can make enemies rather quickly and it clearly shows when Yellow Diamond got angry talking about that Peridot.” Groot agreed with her. “I am Groot.”

“So what if we might die if we fail? At least we're still going on another crazy adventure!” Rocket exclaimed. “Okay, I've been looking through the information Holly Blue Agate gave us and it said our target is currently on Earth.” Star-Lord stated. “A new job where we go back to my old stomping grounds? Neat!”

“Since when was stomping on the ground involved?” Drax asked. “It's a way of saying familiar territory Drax.” the human corrected. “Now then, Earth here we come!” And so, the Guardians blasted off towards Earth where their reward would be waiting.

[gyromitra-esculenta]

Crackverse 9: Old Soldiers

For dear waifu @drift-ed that bugged me about crack enough. The ugly-ass sweaters are mentioned only in passing, Jack and Sombra bond over, and there is a mention of Smurf tits and weaponized tennis tables. Masterlist:  Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5Part 6 Part 7 Xmas New Year Part 8 Soulmate AU

It was all peachy and dandy until the goon decided to pull a gun on Jack. Jack didn’t like having guns pointed at him.

“Grumps, uh…” Sombra switched to a private-private channel. “Shouldn’t we, like, call an ambulance, or something?”

“Anonymous tip-off. Done five minutes ago.”

“But… he just went up to him five minutes ago?”

“Yes.”

“Madre de Dios, does that happen that often!?”

“Have I ever told you about the Paris Table Incident? That one got recorded.”

“You’re an evil, evil man. I know I shouldn’t, I will regret it, but I’m going to look that up right now.”

*

“It was like watching a beautiful hyper-train wreck. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t take my eyes off. It wasn’t a publicity stunt?”

“No.”

“That was real?”

“We tried to pull it off the web.”

“Whoever titled it ‘Five easy steps to disable bastion unit with a tennis table’ was a goddamn marketing genius.”

“Yep.”

“Why the tennis table though?”

“It was on hand.”

“And, grumps, you willingly share the bed with that thing? Respeto.”

“As long as I don’t cheat on him.”

“Good abuelo doesn’t know about your boyfriends then.”

“…shit.” To be perfectly frank, Gabriel admitted, he had forgotten that little detail himself.

“Are you both done fucking around? I’m fucking boiling,” pinged at the other private channel.

*

Keeping Hakim occupied enough to not notice a human bulldozer going through his ‘security’ wasn’t that hard. Keeping himself from snorting out loud when Sombra sent him a picture of an almost literal pile of bodies of said ‘security’ was a challenge.

“Well…” And that poor bastard who just lost half of his teeth on the other side of the wall. “Keep at it. Once you set a trap you never know what will fall into it.”

“Hilarious,” Jack grumbled on the line. “Your plans fucking suck. Where the fuck are you?”

“Of which we have a perfect example just now,” Gabriel rolled his eyes behind his mask and when Sombra finally let the feed go through he ghosted away to the sound of Hakim’s indignant squawk at the sight of his ‘security’ properly disposed of. Or virtually annihilated. It was time to start the show. “Right here, Jack.”

The following scream of pain was indisputably deserving of an Oscar, Gabriel thought.

*

Winston harrumphed lightly at the sight of D.Va and Tracer dancing to the song Lucio was in the act of composing at the moment. Was that Beethoven he heard in the background?

“Winston, luv, watcha want?” Lena giggled at him, waving her hands erratically in the air.

“Oh, yes, did Soldier tell you anything about, hm, a trip to Egypt?”

“Sure, luv, he’s getting his mum.”

Winston’s left eyelid twitched nervously when he thought about exactly what potential female specimen could have spawned the man in question. Sure, he was capable and useful, certainly resourceful and knowledgeable about combat operations, but the temper. God, the temper and the mouth on him…

“His mother?”

“To be exact,” Lucio nodded, “he was more like ‘mommy won’t be hiding for much longer now’.”

“Our own grandma, imagine that!” Hana high-fived Tracer.

“Holy shit,” Jesse let the camera fall to the couch beside him, eyes wide, meeting the questioning gaze of the other three people and one genetically modified gorilla in the room. “I just, uh, remembered, I was supposed to buy Genji the return ticket. Be right back!”

*

“You motherfucking arsehole! You fucking shot me!”

“Jackie, baby, we agreed on that,” Gabriel had a creeping feeling of suspicion tugging at the back of his mind that maybe, maybe, he, unbeknownst to himself, did manage to botch something up.

“We fucking agreed on the fucking lower back!”

“That’s not much of a difference, baby?”

“Gabriel,” it was the full name now and the warning edge he hadn’t heard since forever in Jack’s voice. He… was definitely in serious trouble here. “I’m not fucking wearing fucking armor on my ass!”

Shit. There it was.

“Jackie…”

“Well, you should, anciano,” Sombra yet again invaded the ‘private’ channel, she was worse than Pharaoh’s ants. “To protect your assets.”

The deafening silence on the other side of the comm could have only meant one of the two outcomes possible – and neither of them was any good, honestly. Gabriel readied for screams, or to duck behind a cover under a barrage of pulse fire because, if the universe worked properly – and it usually did regarding its capability to screw him over – Jack was somewhere with a good vantage point. And just behind Gabriel’s position.

“You know, that was actually pretty good, chica,” Jack chuckled.

“I know, I was sitting on it for days, abuelo.”

Well, Gabriel certainly had not expected that, and neither had he expected the silent dread welling up in his gut at the sudden realization that if they teamed up… No, he was better off not even trying to think about it.

*

“Genji, code red, y’all not going to fucking believe it!” Jesse almost screamed into the phone while pacing on the roof of the watchpoint.

“I’m not believing it already because I’m looking right now at a pair of Smurf tits.”

Jesse stopped and reconsidered.

“What?”

“Smurf tits.”

“…why?” This was a question Jesse was almost afraid to ask.

“Check your mail, I forwarded it.”

“…dude, answer me first, are these Smurf tits of the Papa Smurf banging Smurfette variety, or just regular Smurf tits variety?” Jesse formulated his words with some modicum of care while propping the phone on his arm and navigating the datapad’s menu awkwardly.

“Regular Smurf tits variety,” Genji confirmed with the accompaniment of a baby crying in the background.

“Huh. I got two.” Few fast swipes and Jesse had to sit down. “Okay, one, what’s with the ankle biter? Two, did she really write out the accent? Three, why did she mailbomb our server?”

“One, I’m flying coach, because someone forgot to buy me a ticket. Two, yes. Three, heck if I know.”

“Dude, I’m sorry, my condolences. I’m coming to pick ya up.”

*

Kicking in doors was never regarded as a subtle method of an entrance to a safehouse, but, considering, Gabriel had nothing in particular against it at that very moment, not when the whole 'lower back' dispute just blew over miraculously. The privacy thing notwithstanding, he should thank Sombra for her horrific puns she and Jack seemed to bond over - even if the very idea of that happening made his skin crawl uncomfortably. Maybe another of those atrocious sweaters would do, and getting Jack out of one shouldn't be a problem at all.

“I'm taking it out of your fucking ass,” the man in question mumbled in between the kisses and generous groping.

“Of course, Jackie,” Gabriel went for another kiss when a strange whistling sound caught his attention, along with a pinprick in his neck. He swatted at it dislodging something metallic.

“Haven't I told you, boys, not to ever try to trick the trickster?”

Jack's eyes rolled back and he went down like a literal sack of bricks.

“...fuck,” Gabriel managed to mutter before he joined him on the floor.

*

Gabriel had to honestly admit he felt properly and thoroughly chastised for being an unreasonable melodramatic moron with no imagination whatsoever, and he couldn’t fault Ana for quietly announcing the whole list of reasons why she was so, so disappointed with both of them. The mention of her having to remove the buckshot by hand had him wincing, really.

But now, they sat with the tea slowly getting cold, mesmerized by the spectacle taking place on the opposite side of the table.

Said spectacle laid sprawled on the couch and giggled menacingly while slapping his own face. Gabriel was thankful for the nanite metabolism that got rid of the cocktail fast and painless.

“Remind me that if there ever is a choice between sedating him, and shooting this stupid head of his off, there is no choice.” Ana shuddered.

“Yeah. This is easily the second scariest thing I’ve seen in my life,” Gabriel agreed. Jack mumbled something while almost putting two fingers in his eye and drifted away into the realm of sleep, again.

“I’m afraid to ask what was actually the scariest one,” Ana took a sip.

“I…” Gabriel faltered, returning for a second to the gut-wrenching horror when… No, it was better to leave it in the past. “I’d rather not say,” he added sourly.

“I see,” Ana patted his arm calmly, sighing. “At least now you are both all right. More or less.”

“So, how did you figure it out?”

“Gabe,” she rolled her eye, “you’re both bad enough on your own, but together, you are two biggest dramatic fucks I’ve ever known in my life. ‘I know your every move before you even think it’? I might even feel a little bit insulted.”

“Fair point.” Gabriel almost dropped the cup when Jack chose this exact moment to jerk awake, laugh manically, and then roll off the couch and land with a loud thud on the floor. One pale hand slowly rose in the air.

“Papi…!” Jack whined from under the table.

*

“…and conzidering ze dating-zess-pool of Talon has ze collaborative iq of pond zcum…” Lucio suspended his dramatic reading of Widowmaker’s e-mail to wave at Jesse and Genji. “…I turn to you in ze hope of alleviating zis issue…”

“What the fuck y’all doing?”

“Cowboy, good you’re here,” Hana zeroed on Jesse, her smile putting most of the known species of shark to shame. “We’ve reached a group decision you are going to take one for the team. If she gets laid, maybe she’s going to be less of a bitch to deal with!”

“Are y’all fucking daft!? Genji?”

“Oh. No, you’re on your own, McCree,” the cyborg took a step back. “After all, you forgot to buy me the return ticket.”

“You’re going bowling Saturday night, luv, the lane’s booked!” Tracer gleefully declared while handing him reservation details.