#Tested Benrey

[zanukavat]

anyone up for heavenly sword multiplayer

here's a still in better quality too, since i had to compress the gif down to below 10mb:

[dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai]

I'VE DISCOVERED THAT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO MAKE A FANGAME AND I'VE GONE OFF THE DEEP END

Bonus Darnold and Benrey as well! :)

[boyheros]

welcome to my hlvrai au we have *reads notes Bullying Gordon in New and Fun ways.

[melonsharks]

its those funny half life guys, but tiny! coming soon as a sticker sheet, pre-orders opening in july... ‼️

should i make a die-cut sticker for forzen or something? i feel bad leaving him out LOL but its too many guys in one sheet. oh well.

[blacktobackmesa]

Concept: Bubby and Benrey have little experience with food from outside of Black Mesa.

Proposal: B-Squad Mukbang live on Justin.tv

[lmaodemonz]

idk, benrey with wings

[temothylol]

hi hi hi hi hi hi i love your art :3

hi! thank you for the compliments, most of it is done while procrastinating!

[spaceistheplaceart]

Splatoon AU anyone?

rewatched some HLVRAI and also have been playing a lot of splatoon... so HERE YOU GO ! ! ! more details and some lore under the cut... not too long, I wanna keep some things for future posts ;)

Okay so BASICALLY

Gordon Freshman (wip name lol) is exploring/researching a lost human civilization, one of the last on Earth before all of humanity was wiped out. He finds in one of the buildings various tubes of cryostasis... with a variety of species. Some of the tubes are too frozen over to see inside.

He somehow gets frozen too, and his brain is connected to a virtual network where all the other frozen people reside. The network is pretty nice, but if you ever try to escape, or do something 'wrong', a challenge/test gets thrown at you like in Octo Expansion. Basically, this place is Keeping You Here.

Turns out, Benrey (one of the humans in the colony who froze himself just before the big blast, but the machine malfunctioned and never unfroze him... basically keeping his mind intact, but his body unusable) is the one controlling the place and he's really lonely after... oh... y'know... 10,000 years of isolation... so he's determined to make sure his new friends do not leave.

feel free to ask me anything abt this au ;) ALSO IF ANYONE HAS GOOD NAMES FOR THE CHARS LMK. So far all i got is Gordon Freshman, Bubbles (lol) or Bubbly, and Coomer's name... well... Salmon Names have unusual conventions, but man I'm warring with myself not to call him Doctor Super Punch Out!! For the Nintendo Entertainment System.

[ladylunora]

i turned my “imagine if instead of benrey being the only character on the science team to not be a scientist was the other way around with him being the only scientist in a group full of guards” shitpost doodle into an actual au… i call it “HLVRAI job swap au”

also i won’t go over every scenario on this au (you can ask me if you want tho) (also aside from these characters everyone else stays the same, jefferem and josh were scientists tho aaaaand gman does swap jobs too but i won’t reveal anything yet you’re gonna have to wait for me to make more doodles of this au) because its still pretty much the same as hlvrai but they swap jobs but if you wanna know how the res cas happens i wrote it bellow

gordon’s a regular security guard doing his job guarding the test chamber, and this scientist benrey is the one who’s gonna do the test experiment in the test chamber… he shows up without the hev suit to do it though just his lab coat, and gordon follows him insisting that he has to put on the hev suit, and benrey just tells him he’ll be fine because that he is not human and he definitely knows what he’s doing and “dude you don’t even have a passport and you’re wearing an orange shirt you’re the one suspicious”, gordon tries to tell him he spilled coffee that morning on his blue shirt and “wait passport?? WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT WE DON’T EVEN NEED OUR PASSPORTS- DOCTOR BENREY YOU CAN’T GO IN THERE WITHOUT THE SUIT” when they get there gordon calls reinforcements (bubby, coomer and tommy) to help him with this fucking guy but they assume benrey knows what he’s doing, anyways gordon and benrey get into an argument while benrey is trying to do the experiment, they both end up pushing the cart too fast fucking the whole thing up and the resonance cascade happens

[egelskop]

i am so interested in ur hlvrai au can we get a rundown

oh boy, this is going under a readmore.

fair warning, this is a LONG read because (1.) i am not a competent writer and (2.) i can't for the life of me keep things brief. sorry and or good luck.

ACT I

The Black Mesa incident: Gordon Freeman is provided an opportunity to do an informal beta test for a combat training simulation program that's in development in the Research & Development department of the Black Mesa Research Facility. (Read: He knows a guy in R&D and said guy knows Gordon likes video games and VR stuff, so he was like "hey you should come check this out when you're on break.")

The combat sim would be a revolutionary training simulation using artificial intelligence to enhance and realize the experience for the ‘player character’.

The test goes wrong, and Gordon can’t seem to disengage from the simulation and odd, unscripted things start happening; he has to ‘play the game’ to its full completion before he is able to exit the simulation safely. He has suffered a brain injury throughout the process, eye damage due to prolonged exposure to the headset and is generally traumatized by the simulation experience he at some point could no longer physically and emotionally distinguish from the real world. The project as a whole is shut down and Gordon is put into a rehabilitation program. Black Mesa covers up the incident as best it can, but whispers of it still echo around the facility.

Below is a page for a two-page comic i never finished detailing said events.

ACT II

The rumors reach the ears of a particularly tech-savvy researcher named Clark, who steals the project documentation and anything else he can get his hands on from a storage. At home, he looks into the project, reads about it, and gets curious about the simulation’s files themselves. They’re on a drive he plugs into his computer, and suddenly his system’s performance lags, windows open and close until a txt. file opens up. He comes into contact with one of the simulation’s AI that has somehow entered his operating system. He tries to keep it busy by having it poke around as he reads up on the simulation and its ultimate shutdown. When the AI reveals it can see him through the webcam, he panics and rips the drive out of the port. The invasive AI and the other project files seems like they’re gone from his system, he does a checkup but sees nothing odd running or otherwise. The next day after work he does another checkup. Finding nothing, he surmises he’s in the clear and starts up an online game. The slumbering, corrupted data of the AI sees its out, and disappears into the game.

ACT III

The transition/journey to the game is a rocky one, and the already corrupted data of the AI known as Benrey splits and gets even more fragmented. The largest fragment embeds itself into the game’s files to keep itself running. Without the foundation of the game to support it, it’d be lost to a dead void and slowly die out. Somewhat stable, it learns about the world around it; the game seems to be an exploration sandbox game. For now (and clarity), I’ve chosen to call this bigger, embedded fragment ‘Data’. (so this is the big benny with the right eye/one big eye in my art)

Data splits off a smaller fragment of itself, intending it to be an avatar or ‘player character’ but this grows into its own awareness and becomes who we’ll call ‘Beastrey’ (the smaller benny with the left eye and tail in my art).

The fragment ‘Beastrey’ wakes to a dead void, so Data uses its knowledge to create a private server for Beastrey, an empty world. Beastrey’s existence is an extension of the bigger part, with more freedom of movement to parse through the game and move freely within it, with the caveat that it can’t go ‘too far’ away from the host. Beastrey can visit other servers and relay information. Data learns and slowly starts building up the world/private server, at some point settling for an aquatic world because it reminds it of itself (something something sea of data). It's important to note that Beastrey retains little to no memories of the events of canon VRAI.

Data makes it easier for Beastrey to move around, and they grow to have more reach with time. At some point Data can alter the basic structural elements of the game, so it plays around with making things that are reminiscent of the memories it has of Black Mesa and Xen. At one point, it gains access to parse through the player base of the game, and takes note of an email address: ‘g.m.freeman@gmail.com’, attached to a player account. The name is somewhat familiar to it.

It sends an invite to join the server to the player account.

ACT IV

Gordon tries going back to work at Black Mesa after rehabilitating, but he has trouble separating his experiences with the simulation from reality, to a breaking point where an altercation with a security guard drives him to quit. He seeks professional help for his PTSD and anxiety, but still experiences dissociative episodes, migraines and somatic flashbacks localised mostly in his right forearm. Despite this, he is determined to continue living his life as normally as possible. He applies for a part-time job teaching physics at a local high school, the one where his son Joshua goes to, and remains relatively stable from there.

Joshua is 15 years old. Regular teen. After an impressive amount of pleading he got a VR-headset for his 14th birthday from Gordon (much to the disapproval of Gordon’s ex), and he’s been captivated by an exploration sandbox game since it came out a few months ago.

He gets an invite to an unnamed private server, and he accepts.

He is struck with awe as the world he enters seems completely different from the ones he’s seen so far in the game. Different flora, different fauna. Most of it uninteractible, though, or otherwise just retextured from its base game variant. Even the new enemy types, after a scare, can’t actually hurt him, it seems. He stumbles upon Beastrey, who is just as surprised to see him and wants him out until Joshua says he was invited.

Joshua commends Beastrey (who introduces himself as 'Ben-') on ‘modding’ everything in, but admits that he was disappointed to find that everything was just surface-level stuff. Beastrey inquires about what he’d like to see. Data is always watching, unseen, and decides to alter the world in the way Joshua described when Joshua leaves.

Joshua starts appearing more often, if only for a few hours at a time. He marvels at the ways the world shifts and grows with each time he plays, and takes to exploring it with Beastrey at his side, for whom strangely enough a lot of things are also new. Joshua teaches both Beastrey and Data about the outside world, thinking Beastrey is just a somewhat reclusive but likeable weirdo.

Joshua tells Gordon about the new friend he made, ‘Ben’, and the adventures he’s been having with the other. Gordon is happy to hear Joshua is having a good time, but is otherwise none the wiser. Joshua starts losing track of time in the game, but chalks it up to being invested.

During one play session, Beastrey confesses he isn’t the one who did all the ‘modding’, and invites Joshua to meet Data. Data, or at least its ‘physical’ in-game manifestation is deep within the world, past the aquatic twilight zone and strange, drowned ruins of an unknown facility. Data, for the first time, really sees Joshua, and the resemblance sparks something within it. Joshua is drawn closer to it, and just before he reaches it-

Joshua wakes up lying on the floor with Gordon hunched over him in his room, pleading with him to wake up. Joshua unknowingly got drawn into the game much like Gordon had been, and Gordon urges Joshua to never touch the headset again, taking it away. Gordon opens up about his experiences with the simulation a bit more. They both agree to not touch the game or the headset again.

ACT V

Gordon comes into contact with an old coworker from Black Mesa, and he inquires about the combat simulation project, if anything happened to it after it was canned. This is where he learns that an employee had taken the project files from storage and was consequently fired. He comes into contact with Clark, and Clark explains he had no idea he accidentally unleashed the AI unto the game. Gordon asks if anything can be done to prevent what happened to Joshua and himself from happening to other people. Clark confesses he doesn’t know, and that it’s up to the developers of the game to find anything out of place and make sure it gets fixed. Gordon decides to leave the matter where it lies, not wanting anything to do with AI and simulations anymore and to safeguard his son.

Some time passes.

Joshua starts getting repeated invites and messages, at one point he gets into a conversation with ‘Ben’ via a platform’s messaging system. Ben says he can explain everything, that he’s sorry. Joshua decides he would like one final goodbye. He finds the headset stashed away somewhere in the house, and, while Gordon’s gone, he turns on the game and enters the server.

Beastrey (Ben) is surprised to see him, urging him to log out and turn off the game, but it’s already too late and Joshua can no longer leave. Beastrey helps Joshua attempting to ‘exit’ the game by going as far away from Data’s reach, but Data stops Beastrey and traps Joshua, determined to wait to the point that he assimilates into the game completely.

Gordon eventually finds Joshua comatose with the headset on, and he panics. He considers calling the emergency services, but he’s afraid they’ll take the headset off or that removing Joshua too far from the game will hurt his son like what happened to him. He calls Clark, urging him to help in any way he can. This results in Gordon and Clark going back to Black Mesa to retrieve the project files and the other gear they can get their hands on to get Gordon into the game to free his son.

Gordon enters the private server with Clark’s player character, and thwarts any attempt from Data to impede his progress and trap him as well. Beastrey’s awareness is overridden by Data as a last ditch effort to deter Gordon and Gordon is forced to destroy Beastrey before he can reach Data. As Beastrey is taken over, Data gains Beastrey’s awareness, and finds his other, littler half never wanted to trap Joshua in the first place, and the way it hurt him to hurt both Joshua and Gordon to this extent.

At this point, Data wavers in its intention to keep Joshua trapped, even more so with Beastrey now gone, and recognises whatever it is that is driving Gordon forward in the game is outside of his control to manipulate, so he lets Gordon destroy it as well. In a way, it also feels as a fulfillment of its intended role as the ‘villain’. The server crashes, the world breaks apart. The ‘game’ is completed.

The final boss is defeated and both Gordon and Joshua wake up. Joshua luckily wasn’t exposed long enough to have suffered any lasting damage, except for what seems to be a minor headache and some light sensitivity (and a vow from Gordon to get him checked out by a doctor as soon as the clinics open).

--

The whole ordeal results in Clark, Gordon and Joshua sitting in a Denny’s at four in the morning, eating pancakes somewhat solemnly, completely exhausted but also still reeling from the virtual battle. Joshua learns that ‘Ben’ essentially died, and he can’t help but cry for his friend.

“Honestly, I don’t think he’s gone,” Gordon admits, picking at the last bites of his pancakes. "I think he- or whatever that was, has a hard time staying dead. Like a cockroach, you know? At this point I’m just wondering when he’ll turn up again.”

Clark hums in agreement. Joshua seems somewhat reassured by his words, wiping at his eyes with the scratchy napkin as he settles into the squeaking diner seat.

“But,” he starts with a sigh, pointing his syrup-covered fork upwards to the ceiling in a decree, “One thing’s for certain…”

He thinks back to a time rife with virtual gunfire, caging walls and hysterical laughter echoing through the halls of the Black Mesa research facility. Five sets of footsteps and a whisper of his name.

“…No more VR. No more headsets. Ever.”

--

TL;DR: Gordon got trapped in VR and then Joshua also got trapped in VR. Benrey is there but also not.

thank you for reading. here. ( x ‿ o ) 🫴

[snailsdraw]

[Start ID: 3 pages of HLVRAI doodles exploring the idea of Benrey using tone indicators and Tommy's use of quasi-auditory emoticons. The last 2 are a comic narrative.

When he spots Benrey reaching for a soda, Tommy sternly tells him, "Uh- no, Benrey. Don't. Touch. That," followed by somehow enunciating a copypasted emoji that looks like two eyes hovering in the darkness. Benrey backs off and goes, "okay, geeez. why you mad? /g" Tommy then explains, looking very pleased with himself, "I'm not! I'm testi- testing out a new [REDACTED] and it's working pretty uhfect- effectively :D!" Said [REDACTED] refers to the earlier eyes emoji. In a separate scenario, Tommy explains his emoticon usage to Gordon, saying, "There's uh- a subtle difference between :o, :0, and :O," to which Gordon, disturbed out of his mind at how Tommy had even managed to speak that, whispers to himself, "I…I understand that. Why do I understand that??" And in the last scenario in this page, Gordon and Tommy happen upon something terrible and unfathomable. Gordon, with a blank almost-smile, utters in a light-headed way, "I'm going insane. I am going. Insane. I'm just gonna go lie down now." Meanwhile, Tommy has since stopped processing what he was looking at and is rapidly skipping straight to just accepting the reality of it. All he says is, ":0"

Benrey asks Gordon, "yo, why d'you tie your hair all tight like that? used to look all soft 'n nice 'n shit /pos" His hand is reached upwards to where Gordon's hair is tied back neat and flat against his skull, and Gordon swats it away, annoyed. "Does it LOOK like I've got time for some sorta- what- FASHION STATEMENT? I'm trying to survive, man! How the hell am I supposed to see with my hair comin' down like that?" In a split second moment of realisation though, Gordon's tone shifts to something more accusatory, "Oh, but of course you'd LOVE THAT, wouldn't you? Cuz I wouldn't see YOU comin' then, would I?" Benrey just rolls his eyes and folds his arms, "ughhh, bro chill. "/pos", remember? i was complementing you. Gordon Forget-man." That claim has Gordon laughing in disbelief. "Yeah, sure. And last I checked, you got my ARM cut off. But that's no big deal, right? That's fine, that's cool, and an okay thing to happen."

Benrey gives him a strange look. "…bro, you bein' /s right now, or- " but Gordon cuts him off and tells him, "I'm not talking to you anymore."

End ID.]

[Open-mouth emoticons: ":o" indicates a casual tone, a statement with no threat ":0" indicates a slight botheredness, OR complete blankness ":O" indicates enthusiasm or an amplified emotion]

I just like my open-mouth emoticon tone indicator substitutes :)

[freehounyaoi]

HALF LIFE VRAI (+gorgeous & og gordon) HEADCANONS IF YOU EVEN CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BENREY WOOO

during. the end, he had 2 extra eyes, one above his left eye one below his right eye, now he has scars where they laid, they’re faint but he. is autistic im sorry he’s too me to not be he had a tail during the end too faint freckles ^_^ he REALLY likes red meat he likes blue flavor, not blueberries, not blue raspberry, blue stubble YAYY specifically in end, benreys feet to knees and hands to elbows fade into rlly dark blue/black looks like he’s dying of illness but like. has never been sick disassociates very often very touch very very touchy polyamorous, exes with forzen & is now crushing on both Tommy & gordon orphaned, kinda lived on his own since he isn’t human, picked his own name doesn’t actually have brothers, he’s a loser breaths through his mouth esp when he’s comfortable weird but like imagine he’s cuddled up to someone and he just yeah

COOMER YAYYY

fat, idc i’m right

gender-fluid, transmasc & gay ^_^ old man yaoi with bubby YAYYY

cool little funky punching enhancement thingies

big ol’ doe brown eyes

brunette hair before he started graying

after the resonance cascade he retired, they deserve it

has nightmares over clones. a lot, a big lot

autistic, everyone knows the science team kinda is autistic,

going off the autistic thing, one of his vocal stims is hello gordon

loves talking, loves it so much, he loves just talking to people she likes

has a high score on punch out & that one punching game where you punch the punching bag to get evaluated on

the reason is divorced because he realized he was gay

hawaiian shirts FTW!!

(most of these are somewhat canon, holly (his va) headcanons him as transmasc, short and stocky, and 5’4!)

Bubbster

Intersex & bisexual (idc if gir hcs him as straight it’s my world now/pf)

if he didn’t live with Coomer after the resonance cascade, he’d probably just be a basement dweller and just sit in the corner and cry

Bionic legs :3

canonically test tube baby, he’s probably really freaked the fuck out over it & has had genuine panic attacks over being artificially made, only in front of coomer

literally always has epi-pens for coomer

naturally(?) ginger idk what you wanna consider it, he’s canonically like 6 but in my head he’s like 67, he’s been locked in black mesa for 67 years

blue eyes

has a leather jacket with a tiger on it he will wear just to do so

has made the science team watch scrubs.. twice

picks at skin as a stress tick

has tourettes

near blind

when he got his bionic heart he died so he will sometimes just be like “hey guys i’ve died before”

being put back in the tube after betraying gordon was one of the worst things he’s been through, it was terrifying

GORDON FEETMAN!!!

also fat

joshua exists but he was an accidental pregnancy (gordon seahorse father yayy)

ftm based off last hc, that’s just canon cuz i said so

joshua is like, 9 in my head so gordon had him at like 18

bisexual

has a crush on benrey (canon but yk)

mexican and african

curly ass hair, takes really good care of it, always smells nice

bilingual

blind in left eye, 25% prescription in right eye

feels guilty as fuck even when everyone would joke about him being the cause of the RC

also autistic

wayne did not dk him justice when he lost his hand, he was screaming so gutturally loud it was painful, he strained his voice so bad, the pain was so excruciatingly terrible

tommy genuinely was the only one he could trust after benrey & bubby turned their backs on him, and that sucked because his feelings for benrey before that point were getting to him

only was adamant about not being friends with benrey at the end because of the betrayal, he wanted to hate benrey

tommy is like his. comfort friend, he doesn’t have to worry about him.. he does but he always feels comfy around him

Tommy cool man

Autistic, ADHD, PTSD and OCD

G man species, half human

strawberry enthusiasts:3 (me too)

every flavor tic tac enthusiast, always give the science team tic tacs like all the time

not very good at games enjoys playing them though

very touchy for multiple reasons

Sunkist service dog for multiple things as well, helps with panic attacks, PTSD symptoms, anxiety attacks etc

Tommy doesn’t know how Sunkist was trained to do all this, he made her sk he just kinda accepts it for how she is, and loves her

compression hugs, likes being laid on top of, it’s comforting

looks scrawny but can like. genuinely pick up all the science team & benrey with ease

started collecting propeller hats after the RC

the reason he can read sweet voice is cuz g-man species

thinking about getting a cat, maine coon or norwegian forest cat, he likes big ass animals

Sunkist is LARGE like large as fuck for a golden Tommy made sure she was huge

milk enjoyer :3 drinks it with most of his meals

wears readers

ANGEL KISSES!! (moles or beauty marks whatever you wanna call them)

tooth gap :3

walks on tiptoes

Gorgeous

6’7

cuts his hair into a fringe, lets it grow out to shoulder length, then cuts it fringe, never ending cycle

beauty marks man

freckles too

nobody fucking knows his trauma

doesn’t understand why he can understand cicero?? he just.. can??

learned ASL as a kid

clearly has some form of mommy issues he will not touch on

wears solid colors, he doesn’t wear shirts with decals, or anything, a. he doesn’t like them. b. for ASL purpose, it’s recommended to wear light/dark clothes (light in his case) depending on your skin tone to MAKE it easier to read sign, usually in light pink

prefers skirts cuz.. they’re comfy, usually knee & ankle length.. sometimes he will wear mini skirts……. cuz he’s gross

actually hates head crabs.

would be a nudist if it was sociably acceptable

actually really enjoys video games! he doesn’t talk about it, he’s good at them too

he’s a dog person, he wants a saint bernard

freeman YAYY

6’

beauty marks

patchy beard

dark hazel eyes

starting to grey, short pony tail

has scars from his HEV suit

actually lost his hearing DUE to the RC, his mother was deaf so that’s why he knows ASL, it completely shot out his hearing

has always dressed nice

cat person

Alyx is like his daughter to him

i can’t decide if he’s trans or not

same situation with gorgeous, he wears solid colors for ASL purpose

him and cicero have yet to find a way to communicate

when he found out alyx learned ASL for her boyfriend (this is canon, was planned for episode 3) he was over the moon

enjoys IASIP (it’s always sunny in philadelphia)

scary when he’s pissed off

G-Manual samual

major RBF

scottish

moles kuz hes kawaii

wears readers

hes autistic

going on with him being autistic, the fabric his suits are a comfort fabric to him

enjoys sitcoms

drinks his coffee straight black

he is trans masc to me

praises his employers like god tbh

if he were to drink, which he doesnt, his go to drink would be rum on ice

some form of alien, not from xen though, no one knows where hes from

some type of holy creature??? he cant die?? hes weird

you'll never see it but he doesnt bleed red, his blood is black

enjoys fishing

goes to bed at 11pm, wakes up at 4am hes weird

hes also the best father ever???

songs that remind me of science team members + benrey the 6th

Benrey the 6th

I Will - Mitski

Kiss Me, Son Of God - They Might Be Giants

I’m Gonna Win - Rob Cantor

Mad World - Tears for Fears

We Will Commit Wolf Murder - Of Montreal

Gallery Piece - Of Montreal

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

The Party's Crashing Us - Of Montreal

Tommy Coolman

Living Island - POGO

Fireflies - Owlcity

Teenage Dirtbag - Weetus

rises the moon - liana flores

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Head Over Heels - Tears for Fears

[boyheros]

my au has such heavy frenrey leanings honestly I'm kind of embarrassed. they were already weird as fuck in canon when they hated each other and now the whole premise of the AU is for Gordon to Get Along with Benrey so it's like. can you two relax

[frenreyhlvrai]

i think theres freak benrey and then theres FREAK benrey and i have freak benrey. mostly because yall just be posting strange men that are eldritch gods, arguably more freaky than genetic test subject

[blacktobackmesa]

Do you think Streamman!Gordon would do something like the A.I.Ron Chef stream where the Science Team makes up recipes for him to attempt to cook? I feel like that'd be something up their collective alley.

Definitely. Now, on one hand, it SHOULD be less hazardous to his health since the recipes are being generated by thinking, feeling individuals with a sense of logic and respect for his well-being.

However. Doctor Coomer has long since lost perspective on what is considered edible to those without a bionic digestive tract, Bubby has a scientific mind and a stupid adventurous streak, Tommy drinks soda for lunch, Benrey licked a dead body at least once, and Darnold once made Gordon drink something that had 1. never been tested on humans and 2. melted lab safety equipment to the point where he could only keep it in a heavy duty barrel.

He might die.

[decks-writing-blog]

Whatever the Fuck Benrey is: Chapter Twenty: Caring For Him Has Downsides

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

~

“Wow, we used to kinda be like neighbors, huh?” Gordon said as they stopped at the door leading to the lab Benrey’s handlers had been set up in. “Or not neighbors, I guess but… I used to work a bit further down there.” He gestured down the hall they’d been heading down. “How come I never saw you around before the test?”

Benrey had rarely spent much time here outside of when his handlers wanted him for something and had always left as soon as they were done. This part of the facility was boring and his handlers had been annoying, why would he want to spend more time than needed near them and their dumb lab? And… “A lot of people from around here knew me so they wouldn’t’ve been as much fun to stop for their passports and stuff. So I didn’t hang out around here.” The team assigned to him had been relatively small so maybe it wasn’t quite ‘a lot’ but they had shown him off to their friends occasionally before he’d started actively resisting such annoyance. “But I heard there was a big experiment thingy going on over there and I wanted to disrupt it a bit before heading out to get Heavenly Sword.”

“I don’t think any of us are surprised,” Bubby said at the time as Gordon said, “Figures.”

“Well you chose the perfect test to disrupt,” Coomer said, “because look at you now! Free at last and about to start a happily ever after with Gordon. Let’s continue, shall we?” He turned to the door and jiggled the handle. “It’s locked.” Stepping aside from it, he gestured for Benrey to proceed.

They’d run into several locked doors during this little trip. Benrey had phased through them all to unlock from the other side, letting the others through. Each one had reminded him to dread this moment a little more. Not that it really mattered, he didn’t care that much if they knew he had a weakness but… it would still be nice if no one ever knew. That wasn’t happening though and this was one of the benefits to bringing them along since… “I can’t phase through it.”

All four of them turned to look at him. He didn’t flinch or cringe under their collective gazes though because he didn’t care, it was fine. Not a problem at all. He was mostly bored with these proceedings.

“There’s something you can’t phase through?” Tommy asked.

“Uh… yep. Just got done saying that.”

“What is it exactly?” Gordon asked. “Is it like a certain material you can’t phase through or like a device or something inside that somehow blocks you? … If you don’t mind sharing anyway.”

Of course he’d want to know; he wanted to know everything. Benrey was a scientific marvel and he was a scientist after all, what else could one expect? If he knew how to contain Benrey would he want to try it? … Almost certainly no, right now anyway. After going through Benrey’s files though and thus needing to study him directly to learn anything more, he might be tempted to. Which Benrey hadn’t been thinking about when agreeing to let him look. It would be a good reason not to, especially since he’d been given leave to change his mind. But he needed to know if Gordon cared about him more as a scientific marvel or a person. Benrey would give him what he wanted and then see if he would push, poke, and experiment to find out more or when Benrey asked him not to, if he’d listen.

It was important. Gordon was making him feel too many emotions for Benrey to not need an answer. It would suck and maybe even… hurt if he didn’t listen and would perhaps end in Benrey losing his freedom. But he could hope Gordon would listen to him, right? That was a reasonable thing to hope for… maybe.

Before the silence could become awkward… “It’s uh… kinda like plexi-glass but tinted orange. I don’t know what it is, only that I can’t go through it and they paneled the room with it. Real lame.”

“I suppose I’ll have to bust it down then,” Coomer said as he turned back to face the door and placed his flashlight off to the side, pointing at it. “Stand back everyone.”

As everyone stepped back to give him more room, Coomer took a stepped towards the door, cracked his knuckles and rolled up his sleeves, revealing his mechanical arms. Maybe now that Black Mesa was back doing stuff, Gordon could get something like that to replace his hand. If he was willing to get the gun hand chopped off though which seemed to be a problem. Probably a weird trauma thing related to it having been chopped off in the first place.

Coomer squared up to the door as if he were about to box it. Which is about what he did as one of his fists shot out, slamming into and then through the door with a crunch of breaking wood. The barrier of not plexi-glass stopped it but not without a cracking sound. His second punch hit the same spot and then the third burst through.

“Victory!” he announced for himself as he pulled back to lift his fists in a victory pose. Bubby started clapping, quickly followed by Tommy and then Benrey. Sleep deprived Gordon was the slowest at picking it up but after fumbling a bit, clapped his hand to his forearm, adding to the applause as it petered out.

Stepping forward, Coomer stuck an arm through the hole he’d made, putting himself in up to this shoulder. A few seconds later the door’s lock click as he evidently found it. After pulling his arm out, he turned the knob and pushed the door open, revealing the lab. “Lead the way.” He gestured for Benrey to go in again.

Having been in there many times before, Benrey had no problems doing so and thus went in without hesitation. Maybe he should tell the others to stay out. … Nah, it didn’t matter. It was fine.

Inside was dark of course but with five flashlights, there soon wasn’t much that couldn’t be seen. Panels of the barrier, all over the walls doors and ceiling, only small gaps between so Benrey, even at his smallest couldn’t fit through, reflected some of the light as well. Making the room almost well lit. It was clean too; if his handlers had been killed it hadn’t been in here. Which wasn’t surprising as in addition to him they’d had other projects they’d been working on too and the test thing had been a big deal, drawing many folk over to watch.

“Was all this to keep you in or out?” Tommy asked, shining his light up at the ceiling which was also covered in the orange tinted barrier stuff.

Before Benrey could answer, Bubby did it for him. “Probably both.”

“Uh… yeah, both. I got in once when I wasn’t supposed to and then they fortified it a whole bunch ‘cause they’re super lame.”

Gordon strode further in to pan his light over the back of the room where the various thingies used to test Benrey or draw his blood were located. “Jesus fucking Christ.” Apparently even sleep deprived he still wanted to be weird. Which was a good sign. As annoying as it was, it meant he cared and even if he did end up viewing Benrey more as a scientific marvel than a person, he’d likely still be nice about it. “This stuff is…”

“It’s boring and lame and sucks,” Benrey interrupted, not even bothering to look over at whatever exactly Gordon was looking at because he didn’t care. “Don’t feel bad for me.” He didn’t need pity when he couldn’t be physically harmed in any way that mattered and only felt emotional pain from people he cared about which hadn’t been any of his handlers.

“Nah, feel bad for him,” Bubby cut in again. “Black Mesa sucks. We should gather up as much stuff outta here as we can and destroy the rest.”

“Good idea, Bubby!” Coomer said as he turned to start prying one of the barrier panels off the wall. Bringing it with them, especially so much of it, was a less than fun idea but… theoretically, it’d be worse in the hands of the other Black Mesa members.

So, leaving him to it while the others set to their own self appointed tasks, Benrey turned to the computers. They main thing they were here for. All his data stuff was logged onto them and a lot of it backed up on the flash drives in the desk drawers. Before he could start unplugging and moving things though, Gordon slid up to him.

“You okay?” he whispered.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just… it’s a lot… or seems like it should be.” More of him projecting; he found it upsetting so he was assuming Benrey would too. He was wrong of course, Benrey didn’t care beyond it being lame and boring but it wasn’t tragic. He was perfectly fine and didn’t need to be pitied and viewed as a sad little whatever the fuck.

Benrey pulled out two of the desk drawers. “We’re here for a reason so uh… hop to it. You should be able to handle grabbing stuff from drawers, right?” He was one handed and sleep deprived but not useless.

Gordon sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

~

Everything they couldn’t bring with them they destroyed. Naturally Coomer did most of the destruction with his mechanical arms and legs. Gordon’s gun hand helped too though, largely as a just in case disguise for why everything was destroyed; bullet holes in stuff and in the walls would make it look like proper violence had occurred. No one should suspect a thing.

There was satisfaction in watching the place get stripped and then utterly ruined. Most of the experimentation had been done on Benrey when he’d been younger, before his handlers found out everything he could do and the extent of it. Also before he’d developed much of a will to push back against it even if that meant just being difficult about it. But even once all that had slowed down, giving Benrey more time to wander around the facility or hunker down in his gamer pad to play video games, coming here had never been fun. This room in particular sucked, it deserved to be destroyed. If it wasn’t made of concrete, he would’ve asked Bubby to burn it down.

By the time they were finally done, the salvage wagon was full. They’d collected some of that on the way here but most of it was from Benrey’s handlers’ lab. All of which would be going home with him and Gordon. Meaning, to the rest of Black Mesa, their salvage operation was going to look like a failure.

“You guys gonna get in trouble for bringing so little back to the lab?” Benrey asked as they started back the way they’d come.

Tommy replied with, “We could just tell them that uh… our trauma from our first adventure made it hard so we didn’t venture far or find much. And then um, that also gives us a reason to not want to come again even after volunteering for this.”

“You could just blame Gordon,” Bubby said. “Tell the boss he fucked up again.”

“What do mean, again?” As proof of his exhaustion, Gordon barely sounded like he cared.

“I just mean, again. You saying you never fucked up before? I don’t believe that for a second, especially since the reason you’re here is a big fuck up.”

“Whatever just… we go with what Tommy said. Or um… if you guys wanna come back for whatever reason, just say it’s me who was too traumatized for this ‘cause that’s not untrue. Don’t word it like I’m the only one who fucked up though, please. I’d rather keep my new position.”

“Don’t worry, Gordon,” Coomer said, “we won’t throw you under the bus without good reason. I do believe though that I will return here on my own later or perhaps with Bubby to retrieve my stuff and his too if he would like to make sure it doesn’t end up in Black Mesa’s hands again. If you weren’t here, I’d suggest we go do it after dropping our current stuff off in the car. But we won’t make you do that or wait for us. So we will have to come back later.”

“Ugh, sorry for being a burden.”

“Apology accepted!”

From there the conversation drifted to other things, occasionally petering out for a bit before someone revived it. Gordon didn’t participate much. Benrey tried to prod him into it but it never lasted long. Whether he was having another quiet freak out or was just exhausted was hard to tell. Probably the latter but… that was worrying in its own way. He could die if he didn’t sleep for long enough.

Maybe Benrey should be upset with him enough to not be as bothered by that thought. If Gordon ended up viewing him more of a science experiment than a person after seeing all his science stuff, then it would be less of a loss, right? But even if that would be the case, heck, even if that was how he viewed Benrey right now, Benrey still liked him and was responsible for him as a pet owner. His death wouldn’t be easy to just go along with. And so when they eventually pulled to a stop to rest and eat…

“Maybe we should sleep here for a bit,” Benrey suggested.

“No,” Gordon interrupted before he could say more. “I think we should just keep going until we’re out, no nap or sleep break. I know none of you guys really need one, don’t try to pretend like you do. This place sucks. I want out.”

“Are you sure, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asked. “I mean um… you didn’t sleep much last night, did you?”

“I’m fine.”

Benrey wasn’t letting him get away with that lie. “He’d didn’t sleep at all. Or he tried not to. He fell asleep anyway ‘cause uh… humans are like that. It was maybe an hour before I had to wake him from a nightmare.” The whole having to sleep every night thing had to suck in general but even more so when plagued by nightmares.

“Yeah, yeah but… I hate it here. I want out. I’ll be fine that long.”

Coomer spoke up next. “Gordon, for two Play Coinstm I’ll carry you the rest of the way out and you can nap in my arms.”

“No thanks. Let’s go.” He grabbed his flashlight, stood, shoved his gun arm back into the cart’s handle and started walking again. Everyone ultimately followed, even Benrey.

“I’ll be fine,” he repeated as Benrey fell into step with him. “I just want out of here. Let me have this.”

Benrey shouldn’t have agreed to helping him stay up last night. … Or maybe it had been the right move. He’d had nightmares before, they sucked. Maybe it was worth it to skip sleep for Gordon even if he could die of not enough sleep. Perhaps nightmares could kill humans too, they were awfully weak after all. And so he bit back on insisting on anything for now.

~

Their pace, dictated by Gordon, slowed more and more over time. Bubby complained but stayed close as Gordon had requested anyway. Another short rest to eat didn’t help much.

“Benrey, I need to slap me,” he eventually said.

“Uh… why?”

“Just do it.”

Who was Benrey to deny such a request? No one had ever asked him to slap them before so why Gordon wanted him to didn’t matter as much as the novelty of it. He switched to backpedaling in front of Gordon, giving him the perfect angle to lift a hand and slap him across the face.

“Wait…” he began a split second before it connected, snapping his head to the side. “Ow. What the fuck?”

Bubby laughed as they all stopped to turn and look. “You literally asked him to. What were you expecting?”

“I uh… don’t know. Just, I didn’t think he’d be so willing.”

“Why would you ask if you thought I wouldn’t do it? That’s dumb.” This didn’t seem to be a human thing but just a Gordon thing. It was silly.

“Yeah, guess you got a point, huh? But uh… I think it helped a little so thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” How that could’ve possibly helped with anything was beyond Benrey’s understanding but it had been kind of fun.

“You know, Gordon,” Coomer said, “if you wanted him to help wake you up, you could’ve asked him to sing you some sweet voice. You seem particularly sensitive to it so a colour that provides an energizing feeling might help.”

“Damn, you’re right. I’m an idiot.” Gordon turned his gaze back onto Benrey. “Do you think you could uh… do the opposite of your blue calm down one?”

“Ooh, I recommend orange,” Tommy chimed in.

Somehow this hadn’t occurred to Benrey before either. In his defense he rarely had cause to try to make anyone excited with orange. And it wouldn’t cure his sleeplessness but it should indeed energize him. So, taking a deep breath, Benrey looked up at Gordon and sang him a long string of bright orange.

Like the blue as soon as he breathed it in, he took a deep breath of it to draw in even more. His eyes widened as the slump in his shoulders lessened. As the tone ended, he stepped back and shook himself out a little. “Wow.”

“What’d it taste like?” Bubby asked.

“Like orange, not the fruit but the artificial orange flavor you find in candy or I guess orange flavored soda. By the way, why does it taste like candy? Like, there’s no way that’s an accident. There’s gotta be a reason they made it like that, right?

“Maybe uh… maybe Darnold helped make it,” Tommy suggested. “He does stuff with flavors so maybe that’s his influence. We can ask him when we get back. For now though, are you feeling better?”

“Uh, yeah, actually. Not like a hundred percent but better for sure. Thanks again, Benrey, you’re amazing. Let’s uh… keep going, huh?”

~

Their journey continued. Now every so often, without even pausing, Benrey sang more orange for Gordon. It always seemed to help and that was a comfort at first but… what if it made it worse in the end? The sweet voice wasn’t giving him any energy, it was just boosting his mood, making his body produce more energy. Not a human himself, the equation on that wasn’t something Benrey was intimately familiar with, but it didn’t add up to anything that seemed good. Surely it could only increase his overall exhaustion.

Benrey kept doing it though, every time he was asked. This was the place that was the source of Gordon’s nightmares so of course he wanted out as soon as possible and it would be good for him to be out. Even as the further they trudged onward, the more often Benrey had to boost him, he kept doing it. Not stopping for Gordon to sleep should result in them getting back out sooner so it would hopefully be fine in the end.

Eventually Bubby starting to visibly flag too, all the effort he’d expended clearing the room shit had gone down in finally catching up to him in a way he couldn’t hide anymore. He denied it when Coomer brought it but it was obvious even to Benrey. They kept going though because the rest of them were fine.

But even going at a slower pace, not stopping for more than a few minutes meant they did finally reach the living area again. Upon Benrey pointing this out to him, Gordon perked up a little more, picking up the pace. And thus they were soon on the elevator headed to the surface.

Upon stepping outside, it was night time, deep into it. All the way out here, far from civilization and its light pollution, that meant it was dark. The moon and stars overhead was the only thing making it less dark than the facility.

Gordon paused as he stepped out after Benrey, tilting his head up towards the sky. “Gosh, fuck, it’s beautiful.”

Benrey looked up too and… he was right. The moon and endless vastness of the stars were quite lovely out here. Not a fan of the desert night air, Benrey had never gone out in it often to see this sight. … He should’ve brought his camera. Oh well, it’s not like a picture could do it justice anyway.

“Come on,” he said as he started for the car, gesturing for the others to follow. “Let’s go home.” It was even colder out here than it had been down below. He wanted out of it and Gordon needed sleep.

Having taken the lead, Benrey reached the car first. He phased through it to reach the trunk button, making it pop open in time for the rest of the crew to reach it. Starting the car to get the heater running would’ve been nice too but Bubby had the keys. … He was going to have to learn how to hot wire a car one day, probably after he learned how to drive one. Maybe Gordon would teach him… assuming he still liked Benrey after seeing all his stuff.

“Gordon, Bubby,” Coomer said as Benrey rejoined the group, “you two go ahead and hop in. I’ll handle loading everything and then, Bubby, dear, if you are agreeable, I’ll drive us home as well.”

Bubby sighed as he dug into his pocket and pulled out the car keys. “Sure.” He handed them over to Coomer without hesitation, before dropping his pack to the ground and starting for the passenger seat. Wow, he must be pretty tired too then.

Upon freeing his gun hand from the wagon’s handle, Gordon followed suit, heading for the backseats. With nothing else to do and trusting Coomer and Tommy to handle packing everything, Benrey joined him. Despite being the first one in, Gordon placed himself in the middle seat. Even if he was going to sleep the whole way back, the sacrifice was still admirable.

He leaned in to whisper as Benrey settled in next to him. “You mind if I uh… lean on you a bit?”

“Go for it.” Benrey preferred it actually. It was cold and Gordon was warm.

“Thanks.” Gordon slouched as much as the backseat would let him before leaning into Benrey, resting his head on his shoulder. Benrey put that arm around him pulling him a bit closer.

“So,” Bubby looked back at them, “are you two fucking?”

“No,” Gordon replied, not looking up at him.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t even like fucking so, yes, I’m sure.”

“Ah, I see. I was going to ask you later what Benrey’s like in bed but I suppose I don’t need to know that anyway. But are you dating?”

Gordon groaned. “Please shut up.”

Bubby turned his gaze onto Benrey. “You two dating?”

“Uh… no,” Benrey replied over another annoyed groan from Gordon.

“Damn, I thought I was onto something.”

“Why do you think we’re dating?” With how bad Gordon’s attempted explanation of romance had been, Benrey still wasn’t sure why anyone might think they were romantically involved.

“This whole… this.” Bubby lifted a hand to gesture vaguely at them. “He used to hate you and now he’s all over you. It’s cute, don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging. In fact, I’m rooting for you. Romance is uh… nice.” His face grew a little redder before he looked away. “When you figure it out, let me know.”

Benrey would’ve asked him to elaborate since he apparently knew stuff about it. With Gordon right here though, it didn’t feel right. But while being called cute wasn’t ideal, if Gordon being ‘all over him’ was a romance thing maybe Benrey wanted that because he liked this. He wanted to date Gordon? … Maybe. It was a tough question to consider when the question of how he’d view Benrey after seeing his records still hung in the air. After that question got answered, he’d return to the thought of dating.

Before the conversation could drift to something else or even resume, Coomer and Tommy were climbing into the car. And then from there they were finally off, headed home. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long after that that Gordon fell asleep, slumping even more into Benrey’s side as he did so. Meaning, Benrey wasn’t allowed to move him enough to risk waking him. Not that he’d been planning to anyway.

~

Naturally upon finally reaching Tuefort, their first stop was Gordon and Benrey’s house. As Coomer rolled the car into the driveway, Benrey saved and turned the Game Boy off before putting it his his jacket pocket. He was stuck now though as there was no way he could move Gordon out of the car and into the house without waking him so…

“You guys can walk home, right? ‘Cause I can’t move him. It’s not allowed.”

“Why not?” Tommy asked.

“He’s my pet and you’re not allowed to wake pets when they fall asleep on you unless uh… he has a nightmare. Those are worse.” Or at least Benrey was pretty sure they were. Maybe he’d been doing it wrong. Probably not though, Gordon always seemed grateful. It was also possible he’d been doing it wrong whenever he moved away from Gordon after having him fall asleep on him but he couldn’t just sit around all night every night. And moving away never woke him the way moving him probably would.

“Oh uh… that’s… I didn’t know you guys were into that. I don’t think I needed to know either but…”

“They’re not,” Bubby interrupted, “or at least I’m pretty it’s not what you’re thinking. It’s just Benrey being weird.”

“It’s not weird. I’m responsible for him. I help keep him alive, try to make sure he doesn’t do bad things and uh… stuff like that.” Like make sure he went to bed and helped him sleep. “That makes him my pet, right? And Tommy, when Sunkist falls asleep on you, you always say you’re not allowed to do anything that might wake her so… I’m stuck.”

“I guess that makes sense… sort of.”

“It’s close enough,” Coomer said. “And so since you can’t wake him, I will.” He pressed on the car horn. It wasn’t as loud as the one in Bubby car but that didn’t mean it wasn’t loud.

Gordon didn’t jerk awake this time. Instead he groaned and pressed his face into Benrey’s neck. “Make it stop.”

Coomer let up on the horn. “Hello Gordon! It’s time to wake up! We have arrived at your house and had to wake you because you would’ve woken up if we dragged you out of the car anyway.”

Gordon sat up but he did groan about it again, louder this time. Benrey pulled his glasses out of the pocket he’d put them in after they’d fallen off his face a while ago and handed them to him. “All right, okay, fine. Thanks for not just dragging me, I guess.”

With that they were soon all out of the car. Coomer again volunteered to do most of the heavy lifting when it came to moving all the stuff from the lab into the house. Gordon offered to help but Benrey sent him off to shower – being clean seemed to be important for humans’ health, how exactly Benrey couldn’t tell but having one as a pet didn’t mean he had to know the why’s and how’s of everything – and to get ready for bed instead. The sun would start to rise in a few hours but he needed sleep.

Benrey and Tommy helped moved things. And under Benrey’s instruction, they put it all in the gamer pad, even the barrier panels. It made the room much less cozy and more crowded but that’s where the computer was so that’s where they were going to look at it anyway so best to have all of it all in one spot. Hopefully things would go well and they could put most of it in the basement instead.

By the time they were done and were on there way out, Gordon had stepped out of the shower. Just in time to wish the others a, “Good night,” before resuming his bedtime preparations. Since Gordon seemed to like it when he was clean, Benrey changed clothes too. Pajamas were soft anyway. He wouldn’t have objected to a full hot shower too but didn’t want to bother.

“I really shouldn’t go to bed with my hair damp,” Gordon said as he got into bed anyway.

“Eh, it’ll be fine.” Benrey turned off the light and joined him.

“God, it’s good to be home.” Gordon pulled him close, curling into him to rest his head on Benrey’s chest.

“You shouldn’t have ever left.” Not to go to the facility anyway.

“I know. Sorry again for… you know. Thanks for not being mad.”

Benrey didn’t bother responding as the lightly pet his fingers through Gordon’s damp hair. They’d been doing this for a long while now. Snuggling up to each other like this and in any way they felt like was comfortably familiar but it was still wonderful. Despite that… Benrey didn’t feel like purring right now. The anxiety of what would happen when they looked at his records tomorrow was too much.

He should be pissed at Gordon for making him feel like this. Making him care enough to be anxious not just for his health and safety but also at the thought of losing him in a different way too. It sucked and wasn’t fair. Things had been much easier when the only other person he’d really cared about was Tommy. Back then, they hadn’t been particularly close, just pals who hung out and talked sometimes. Losing him to death or just his friendship would’ve been a bummer, more so than Benrey’s occasional guard pal, but he would’ve still gotten over it without too much issue.

Now though, Tommy was a good friend and Benrey cared about him enough that losing him would be an issue. The same held true with Bubby and even Coomer. And then there was however the fuck he felt about Gordon. He wasn’t supposed to be so attached to any of them but Gordon was a whole other thing entirely. It was often nice and fun; Gordon was warm and wonderful to hang out, snuggle, and mess with. But he also had to go and be weird, stupid, and fragile, making caring for him have downsides that were super fucking lame.

Feeling anxious for Gordon’s safety and now over him possibly seeing Benrey more as scientific marvel than a friend sucked. And that was in addition to him having made Benrey care about what he was when it didn’t matter. Despite all that though, Benrey didn’t want to move. He wanted to keep holding Gordon to help make sure he had good sleep without nightmares. To sleep in his arms in turn because he was tired too. An emotional tired that shouldn’t have been possible – how could just feeling things, even if they were intense emotions, make one need sleep? – but was for sure a thing. And so, confusingly, he wasn’t upset enough to make leaving appealing and thus would stay here, cuddling Gordon for however long they both wanted to.

~

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