#Thats a bullshit excuse and too many guys like me used it without knowing the harm we caused | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

winnerloser · 4 years

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idk who needed to hear this today but

if you use fanart for anything, you give credit for it.

usually i would just implore you guys to at your own discretion but.

i think sometimes people forget that if you use fanart without explicitly asking for the author’s permission, that's stealing. but obviously no one has ill intent behind it with this hobby, which is why crediting is important. it’s the least you can do.

it doesnt matter how much you use the fanart. even if it only appears on your blog once. even if it’s just a throwaway icon for a gag. even if you replace the icon with new icons from somewhere else. if it was on your blog at some point, and you don’t intend on deleting it, and it’s still on there, you give credit for it.

there’s maybe some leeway if you commissioned the art and/or the artist already cosigned you to using it without giving permission. but that’s the only special instance i can think of.

in that same vein, please just look on artist’s profiles to see if they allow reposting in the first place. if their account says no reproduction/no reposting/DONT USE MY ART.... don’t use it. if the bio is in japanese, chinese, korean, whatever- google translate it. i know google translate can suck but it’ll easily convey what you need to be looking for.

if you’re one to think that you don’t want to use source media like screenshots or mangacaps because fanart is prettier, don’t ignore the fact that the people providing you the luxury to do so are just that- people, who spent hours to draw what could amount to just one or two icons. who could’ve drawn what you were using as a commission for someone else. who more than likely posted the image without any idea what you’re using it for-- more importantly;

without any idea what you’re using the image to represent, what messages you’re trying to convey- with their image. the fact that the subject is a copyrighted character/isn’t theirs doesn’t change the fact that the drawing in and of itself is still their creation.

it would behoove you to start keeping tabs of the sources you intend to pull from. if you see a piece from pixiv you think you’ll consider pulling from- pluck it, save it, so later when you open photoshop you’re not sitting with the pulled image thats titled computer jibberish with no artist’s signature.

YOU KNOW WHAT? i’ll go you one even better than that.

When you save an image from pixiv - this one for example, by default it’ll save it as 78827921_p0_master1200.jpg. 78827921 is the image ID. https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/78827921 will take you back to that image. Plug in any other ID, and it’ll go back to its source. There you go. Easy if you accidentally forgot to keep tabs.

nobody is entitled to the usage of another person’s art, and if you use the excuse that [just by virtue of OP posting it on the internet, it’s free gain], that’s bullshit.

if you post anything- even a text post or roleplay thread- going by that same logic, anyone should be allowed to reblog it, remix it, go to town on it; it’s on the open internet, after all... right? No. you’re entitled to security in the things you post. you don’t really need to say “don’t/ask to reblog” in the tags for people to get the hint to not or ask first if they feel inclined to. if you believe you’re entitled to that comfort and respect, i don’t see why that mindset can’t be translated to fit the situation of artists. even if you don’t give a shit how your stuff gets circulated, at least try to look at it in the way that not everyone is you.

and not everyone is me, so some may be wondering still why they can’t just go ahead and do what they want so long as they’re not hurting people/keeping it lowkey. i mean, at the end of the day, there’s nothing i can do about it either. you can totally do whatever you want, im not denying that. but just know that you’re not 100% in the clear from getting discovered by somebody. you’re not impervious to being found. and reposting/art being used or transformed without credit or consent is a very real reason that artists get upset or even sometimes lock their profiles, delete, or stop drawing/posting, or stop making their art publically available. this is NOT just a western philosophy. asian artists do this just as well- hell, you could even say that some are even more stringent about etiquette when it comes to treating their works with respect. that includes reposting policies.

if you’re too tired/busy/lazy/forgetful/cursed to credit, that’s 100% not an excuse lol. or if you’re thinking, crap, i have all these nicely done assets that i’ve created but it’ll be too difficult to go back and retroactively find the sources!

idk what to tell u but tough titties bro thats a you problem*

uh, so to end this:

再版ポリシーが破られている場合は、お知らせください。すぐに画像を削除します。このブログから利益を得ることも、失礼することも意図していません。再版は許可されているが、クレジットがない場合は、お知らせください。修正いたします。ありがとうございます、失礼します。

如果违反了您的转载政策，请告知我们。我会立即删除图像。它无意从此博客中受益或无礼。如果允许转载，但信用不正确，请告知我们。我会马上改正的。谢谢，不好意思。祝好

this is in my credit’s page at the bottom. i can’t vouch for the japanese, but i can say with more certainty that the chinese is legible. if someone is better at japanese and has any adjustments they’d recommend, please do so! it’s just saying that i don’t intend to cause harm or disrespect by borrowing the artwork, and that at any of the artists’ discretion, whether i’m violating their repost policy or not, they are urged to reach out to me and tell me to remove their art if they don’t want it on my blog. feel free to snatch it and use it for your credits page, or write something similar in lieu of that. i’m 100% in support of that.

please be conscious and considerate of the people who work hard and do a good deal of the heavy lifting for you to be able to make your blog pretty and aesthetic in the first place. i think the bounty of beautiful and high-quality art for the pokemon fandom- or for any popular fandom for that matter- sometimes makes us forget that it isn’t a commodity. it’s something that when taken for granted, can genuinely affect others who work hard to provide content for people to enjoy. at the end of the day, they do this to make themselves and others happy. seeing others take that work without any acknowledgement to them is demoralizing, don’t think that they’ll get enough recognition from others to compensate for you. that’s frankly not how posting art on social media works at all.

i mean, even if this doesn’t convince you, i can only hope it’ll spur you to be more conscious in the future.

*i get that things happen and this isn’t meant to shame you if you happen to be one to do any of the things other than credit. but know that you don’t... really have an excuse when there’s so many different options, shortcuts and alternatives available to you. you don’t really cite from a shitton of different sources for your paper and then go back to pick through every individual quote to find where it came from to avoid plagiarizing. you just.. make a note or works cited. it takes like, 15 extra minutes. if you’re going to spend hours on photoshop or writing fancy infoposts, you can spend an extra 15 making a works cited.

#i dont know why i woke up so pressed this morning #me: oh boy 3 am (gets on my soapbox)#anyway. ..lol #im gonna repeat thiss for the day because im insufferable but im going back to sleep #also no this isnt vaguing at anyone at all i literally just woke up and was like oh.#this is a thing that happens.#i do implore you to rb this but im not going to hold it against anyone if this just ends up being a drop in the ocean #🌱. giant rat that makes all the rules. > MUN #long post

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blue-eyedangel21 · 4 years

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I’m sorry..

So I wrote a whole essay yesterday only for tumblr to be really stupid and I lost it. Anyways, I came to write out my feelings and my thoughts before being done with this tumblr. I've mentioned this tumblr to you before and you didn't care enough to even look at it for yourself. So I'm sure me typing all this is a huge waste of time but its worth losing this amount of time to let out everything I need to, to move on. It's time I put this all in my past. So we tried again recently. And I fucked it up. Because that's all I've been doing for years now. I'm really sorry, truly, for how i behaved and lashed out on you. It's not okay how I handled that situation. But I have told people time and time again that I am NOT doing well mentally or emotionally. And I was not kidding nor exaggerating, as you had to find out the hard way. I did try to calm myself down when I was mad and said how I felt and what I thought at first in the most calm way I knew how then you proceeded to be an asshole and talk to me sideways. So I lost my shit. You had the opportunity to see my ugly"asshole" side. You say I can't handle yours when I dealt with it for a year, but you couldn't handle mine after ONE time of lashing out on you. I did NOT ghost you. I told you in the voice clip, that I was done. YOU said you weren't listening to it. So therefore it was your fault that you didn't know i was done. Your fault that you didn't take the time to hear what I had to say and went around saying I ghosted you. In that moment of anger, I was done with you. But of course like always after my anger and feelings have calmed down, I felt like shit and regretted how I behaved and the stupid decisions I make when I'm upset. So in all of that out of control emotion, I lost you. And IT IS MY FAULT. And yes I do regret it. But what is done is done. I admitted to being the problem. But im not all of what was wrong in that relationship. You too had issues of your own that you did not hold yourself accountable for. And I dont find it fair that I had no problem admitting I was the issue and holding myself accountable for that and my behavior. However I rarely ever heard you own up to your shit. So I'm not taking all the blame but I can take most of it because some of it was me too and not just you. But I bet you are okay with me taking the blame for all of it. The constant leaving you was not because I wanted to but because of how you made me feel. Yet I felt like I couldn't live with you, I also couldn't live without you. And that was the confusing part. Why i probably kept going back and forth. I never felt this way about anyone . I never felt like I couldn't live with them but I couldn't live without them either. You have disrespected me many times and I bit my tongue and said nothing. My whole life I've been around drama and bullshit and narcissistic abuse.. so I dont know how to be confrontational in a healthy way or how to communicate effectively without feeling like im always the problem or im wrong or my feelings are wrong. And etc. It's hard to explain but a lot of that has to do with what I had to deal with growing up and still somewhat dealing with it as an adult. So im trying to break myself from bad, unhealthy, toxic behaviors and habits. So thats why im still doing and reacting the way i am. I am 25 years old and still dealing with that shit, its not part of my past yet, but it will be. So thats just explaining why I'm like this, not excusing it. So the times I left were mostly YOUR fault. But you also left at least 2 times too..so it isn't all me. Every time I would for sure leave you alone, youd come running back. Just when I thought I could move on here you were. And sometimes I was the one running back. Like I said i was confused. But im not running back this time. I'm not gonna reach out to you. I dont hate you nor do I love you any less. I still love you with all of my heart and that hasn't changed nor will it ever even if that has changed for you because of how I've hurt you. But for me this is speaking my truth. And thsts the truth. I'm sorry that i threw everything we were trying to build together, in the garbage over an argument and because of my emotions and my mental health being so terrible. If I could go back and change that I would but we are better off going our separate ways. I'm sorrh I had to block you but I had to block Sierra too. I do not appreciate her posts. Feel what she may but what I wrote was honest and wasn't just about you but about others I've hurt along the way. You are not the only one. I don't care that she feels that way or if she doesn't like me anymore. She's not in my shoes nor are you, to understand or try to understand. I already admitted to being the issue so if she didn't like what I posted on my fb she could've just deleted and blocked me. But instead of reacting in a bad way i deleted and blocked her because i dont need negativity when im trying to heal and move on. I dont need her judgmentYou sent19 minutes agoNor do I need yours. You are always gonna see me as the bad guy and that's fine. But im no longer looking at myself that way. I'm seeing a woman who is trying to break herself from toxic ways and toxic behavior but is struggling to do it while also going through a lot of shit. Im flawed just like you..I'm not perfect. Not even close to it. I've been understanding and patient and always trying to see your perspective and its never really been a two ways street with you. You expect that from me but don't expect to give it back. And I'm tired of that. Been tired of that. I put it in alot of effort to make shit work when I was trying to fix things but I got tired, Bee. I didn't take you seriously because every time I tried to i didnt feel like you were taking it seriously enough to change your ways and your lifestyle. I wanted you to work so you had an income to better yourself and your future and also to help tatianna with Julian. As a single mom it is hard to take care of a kid by yourself and I wanted you to try to help her financially at least. And not only a job but to stop drinking because I don't want you to end up in a coffin at such a young age. And to leave behind your son. How fair is that to Julian? I love you, bee. I never want anything bad to happen to you even if you don't believe that. You're the only one who doesn't see how much i love you or how bad you have had an emotional toll on me. For some reason you're blinded by all of that. You say i didn't love you but if i hadn't I would've been done with you the very first time we broke up in November . But no I fell hard for you and put a lot of effort and love into us only for us to fall apart. So.. I hope you know i wanted a family with you too. I wanted to wake up next to you and my daughter, and one day maybe. Not just my daughter. But a child of our own. With big blue eyes and curly hair.. that looked like you. I wanted a lil boy that looked like you with my eyes and hair and your face. I wanted that more than i could tell you. I never could tell you that because i got embarrassed. But I wanted that, with you. Not anyone else and now i feel like that I don't want another relationship. Nor do i want to even bother starting over with someone else and feeling like this again. I don't even care anymore. Im so drained and exhausted. You were the love of my life. I fucked it up and now the bed I made, I have to lay in. So yeah you get the satisfaction of knowing I'm hurting and regretting what I did. But I get the satisfaction of never allowing myself to make this mistake again with another person and to focus on my issues with myself so I don't bring this kind of baggage and problems into my future relationships. So maybe it's for the better that we move on. Maybe one day you can forgive me enough to not hate me and maybe if I'm lucky enough to at least call you my friend. I loved you like I've never loved anyone and it is hard to write without crying but I know that sometimes life is pain and heartbreak and that if we were ever meant to be than maybe somewhere down the road we could rekindle a friendship or more but maybe the timing is off and you were my right person but wrong time. . Maybe you'll come back...maybe you won't but please know you had my heart like no others. I felt that in my soul. I felt it when I looked at you. When I thought about you. When i talked about you. When I looked in your eyes. When you smiled or laughed. When you were doing whatever and I was just staring at you. With every kiss. Every moment in your arms. When you were sleeping so peacefully. When you were being you, I felt like i was home and I cant tell you the last time i felt that way. It was when my grandma was alive. So to find someone who was even close to feeling like home is a serious misfortune to lose like this. And losing you and this relationship will be a grieving process for me. I had to lose the one thing that brought me happiness, wholeness and love. So I'm heartbroken it has come to this because of my actions. But I love you Bee. Please take care of yourself.

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ewankoseyo · 5 years

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private practice || mark imagine

A/N: A little thing a lovely anon requested that may have been inspired/based off of scenes/characters from the drama Touch Your Heart. If you’ve been watching it too, come cry with me because I’m not over it being over 😭😭😭

“Hey hunty! I noticed your requests are open and I love the way you write so i know you would do such a great job with writing this story. Can you do a Doctor! Mark imagine where he’s a very popular doctor and all the nurses have a crush on him but he says no to everyone because he’s in a secret relationship with another doctor (the reader) and they’re like really in love. Then one day they get caught kissing or wuteva and are known as the it couple of the hospital. Thank you! Have a great day!😘”

——

“Dude, you need to get laid.”

Mark shot Jackson a dirty look as he stuffed his scrubs into his locker.

“And you need to move out of my place. There are plenty of apartments in this city, why do you need to live in mine?” Mark chided. “I’m tired of coming home to your...surprises.”

“Thats why I find you when your shift finishes and we go home together,” Jackson grinned, disregarding his friend’s sour mood. “So you don’t have to be surprised! Besides, my lady and I said we wouldn’t move in together until we tied the knot!” Mark attempted to shrug Jackson off as he loosely wrapped an arm around him, but to no avail. He eventually gave up, shutting his locker with a sigh and letting the slightly younger guy walk with him towards the swinging doors. He was decidedly too exhausted to resist Jackson’s bullshit.

“All I’m saying is that you’ve been more uptight than usual,” Jackson mentioned.

Mark gave him another dirty glance. “Because I’ve had to supervise on-call shifts the last few weeks. I’m lucky I don’t have one tonight ”

“You just need a way to blow off stress. A date might help!” Jackson advised easily as they approached some nurses chatting at the front desk. “Evening, ladies.”

“Hi Dr. Wang, hi Dr. Tuan,” the nurses chorused sweetly, quickly adjusting themselves at the counter to give the doctors their undivided attention.

“Dr. Wang, I heard that you’ve been here since yesterday because you’d been operating for nearly 24 hours straight!” Nurse So stated, earning a couple of gasps from the other nurses. “How do you manage to still look so handsome and energized?”

“I’m inspired and reenergized by how diligently and passionately everyone at this hospital is working, especially you lovely ladies.” Mark rolled his eyes as Jackson gave off his signature cheesy laugh, causing the nurses to giggle and swoon. Mark couldn’t even get mad, he knew Jackson wasn’t even trying. Jackson Wang was a simple guy. Want to make him happy? Give him enough attention and he was set. Despite his exhaustion from the nearly two-day shift, Jackson was just content enjoying other people’s company. “Thinking about my queen cheering me on from home as I’m working also helps to make the time go by faster and keeps me going,” Jackson mused aloud, patting his hand over his heart.

Cue more swooning from the nurses. “That’s so sweet, Dr. Wang. I can only dream of meeting a man like you,” Nurse Lee cooed.

“Well you don’t have to just dream!” Jackson slung his arm around Mark again. “Dr. Tuan here is very single, and I’ve been telling him he needs to start relaxing from work and go out on dates because he isn’t getting any younger.”

The nurses gasped. “Is that true, Dr. Tuan?” Nurse Jeong asked, fixing her hair and leaning inward toward Mark.

Mark sighed, shrugging Jackson’s arm off. “See you all tomorrow, don’t hesitate to page me if any problems arise tonight.” He bowed and left without another word.

“See you tomorrow ladies, hope the night shift doesn’t give you too much of a hard time!” Jackson gave the nurses an apologetic look before running off to follow Mark.

Mark vigorously pressed the button closing the elevator doors as he heard footsteps approaching, but Jackson stuck his hand through the gap just as the doors were about to shut. He gave the dispirited doctor a sly smile as he went to stand next to him.

“I don’t apppreciate you trying to whore me out to the nurses,” Mark denounced with an unamused expression.

“Whoring you out?” Jackson feigned shock. “Me? I’m doing no such thing, I’m just thinking of you! It’s hard to meet new people for guys our age and in our line of work. It’s really important to start planning out your future now.”

“Thank you for your concern, but that’s really unnecessary,” Mark replied tiredly as the elevator beeped and the doors slid open to the lower floor.

You beamed as you noticed the two men before joining them inside the lift. “Doctors,” you greeted with a small nod. “Finally getting off, I see?”

Jackson nodded vigorously. “I haven’t seen my lady since yesterday morning. She joked and said that maybe she should injure herself so that I’d have to operate on her, because that would be the only way she’d be able to see me!” You chuckled along with him. No matter how tired you were, Jackson’s liveliness was always contagious. “What about you Doctor?”

“Finally finished,” you replied with a yawn. “Luckily there weren’t as many broken arms that I needed to treat as much as yesterday, but I did have to remove a toy dinosaur from little Seungjae.”

“Seungjae?! The one from last week who got food poisoning from eating too much chocolate when his mom wasn’t looking?”

“The same one,” you affirmed, shaking your head at the memory. “That kid is something else,” you reflected with a giggle before looking at the quieter man next to Jackson with concern. “And how have you been, Dr. Tuan? You’ve been working several tiring shifts, how are you feeling?”

“I’m doing okay,” Mark gave you a small smile before averting his gaze back at his feet. “Just managing.”

“You’re off this weekend, aren’t you? Use that time to relax and recharge.”

“I will.” He smiled at you slightly once again as the doors slid open to the parking lot.

“Well, I’ll see you next week,” you waved at them, shooting Mark a furtive glance as you left to your car. “Have a good weekend...”

“See, now you need a girl like that,” Jackson noted once you were out of earshot, pointing in your direction. “Beautiful, smart, confident, independent, good with children—if the way she is with the kids she treats is any indicator, I say start a family with her—”

“A girl like that?”

“Well, yeah. I would say to try and go after her,” Jackson mentioned, scratching his head pensively. “But girls like her are always taken. So maybe find someone similar!”

Mark raised an eyebrow at the younger doctor. “By your logic, wouldn’t that mean that girls similar to her are taken as well?” He sighed, shaking his head as he began to walk off. “I’m going.”

Jackson waved Mark off, chuckling to himself at his friend’s usual pessimistic behavior before it dawned on him.

“Hyung wait, don’t leave me! You’re my ride home!”

——

If Mark wasn’t going to go on a date, Jackson was just going to have to bring the date to him.

Or at least he was going to have to trick Mark into going on a blind date.

Jackson originally wanted to try this over the weekend, but Mark was never home. Nor did Mark ever tell Jackson what he had been up to when he did finally come home. He would just mumble something about having to take care of something before shutting himself off in his room to prepare for work the next day. Jackson had a suspicion that Mark probably injured people during his free time, and that’s how he’s been getting his patients.

Which brought him to the following day. Jackson knew there was an advantage to him memorizing Mark’s schedule. He usually took a lunch break after 1, so Jackson knew Mark had no excuses when he asked him to join him for lunch. After much pestering on the phone and Mark scolding Jackson to stop beeping his pager, Mark finally agreed to meet him at some nearby café he suggested.

“I’m here already,” Mark said to Jackson over the phone. “I got us a table.”

“Sorry Hyung, Jaebum-hyung called in sick today and I have to take on his patient,” Jackson said regretfully, smiling to himself as he laid down comfortably on the locker room bench. “I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t have time to get to my phone earlier.”

“Jackson! You were the one blowing up my pager!”

“I know, and I feel really bad!” Jackson glanced over at Jaebum putting on his scrubs nearby and the two men exchanged silent laughs. “But don’t worry, I’ve sent someone to take my place.”

It finally dawned on Mark what was happening. “Jack-SON!”

“You’ll thank me for this later! Gotta go, bye!” And with just that, Jackson hung up.

Mark anxiously ran a hand through his hair, staring at his phone. He should have known Jackson was up to something when he asked to grab lunch together. They saw each other all the time at home and at work! Why would Jackson have wanted to meet in the middle of the day? As he looked up, Mark noticed a familiar figure walking towards him and he groaned inwardly.

“Hi Dr. Tuan,” Nurse Jeong waved shyly as she approached his table. Though she was still in her scrubs, it was apparent from her refreshed face and her hair (usually up in a bun) now down and loosely tousled that she had put some effort into her appearance. “It came as a surprise to me when Dr. Jackson told me earlier, but I never thought you’d be interested.” She looked down bashfully. “I always pegged you as the type to not pay anyone any attention, but I guess you proved me wrong.”

Mark sighed as he got up from the table. “I’m really sorry you got roped into this Nurse Jeong, but I’m afraid there’s been a misunderstanding,” he explained as he grabbed his coat from his chair. “You can blame Dr. Wang for this. Well then,” Mark gave a short bow before leaving Nurse Jeong standing dumbfoundedly in her spot.

“So does that mean your not interested?!”

——

Jackson had had enough of Mark’s pessimism.

After the failed attempt at a blind date with Nurse Jeong and the failed group date he tried to organize, Jackson knew there was no use in beating around the bush anymore. As he marched over to the locker room, where he knew Mark would hang out for a small break at that moment, Jackson silently rehearsed how he would give Mark a piece of his mind.

When he neared the double doors, Jackson heard faint giggles from a woman on the other side. That was odd, Jackson could have sworn that the female doctors on this floor were out at this hour. Mark was supposed to be only one of three doctors on call right now. Curiosity getting the best of him, Jackson swung open the doors.

Then instantly half-wished he hadn’t done so.

Was that...your face? A-and Mark’s face? Smashed together???

Unintentionally, Jackson let out a high-pitched scream. You immediately pushed Mark off of you and sat up to straighten out your hair.

“Dr. Wang!” You exclaimed, your face completely flushed. “W-what are you doing here?”

“Yes, what are you doing here?” Mark growled, crossing his arms beside you. Jackson was used to Mark’s scowl, but he had never seen him look so murderous. “This isn’t your floor.”

“Neither is it hers!” Jackson countered back, pointing at you accusingly. “Did I just see—”

You shook your head vehemently. “No! That was just uh, Oppa—I mean Dr. Tuan was, um,” you glanced at Mark next to you pleadingly. He just raised his eyebrows, smirking at your slip-up. Yes, what were we doing? he seemed to silently challenge you in answering. “CPR! Yeah, just reviewing...CPR...mouth-to-mouth...to resuscitate...” You fanned yourself down, the room suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm.

Jackson looked at you incredulously. “Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? Really?”

Suddenly you felt your pager go off. “Well look at that, duty calls!” You hastily stood up and brushed yourself off before frantically looking between the two men. “Op—Doctors, I’ll see you around.” With a small bow, you quickly scurried through the swinging doors.

Jackson looked back at Mark, whose eyes had followed you as you left. His smirk grew into a smile playing on his lips. Jackson snickered at the older doctor’s unusual demeanor. “Hey man! You and her? I did not see that coming!”

Mark’s smile quickly disappeared as he glared at Jackson. “You wanna die?!”

Jackson put his hands up in surrender. “I just—when did this even happ—is that why you haven’t been home all weekend? Because you’ve been seeing her?” Mark simply shrugged, brushing passed Jackson’s shocked form to leave.

“Like you said, girls like her are probably taken.”

——

“Please be careful next time Seungjae, you’re making your parents worried!” You dotingly scolded the young patient as you escorted him back towards the waiting room. “You’re lucky it was just a sprain, if you kept playing like you did, you would have really broken your arm.”

“Okay Doctor, I will!” The little boy grinned playfully at you. “But it doesn’t hurt that much since you treated me.”

“I like seeing you too Seungjae, but I don’t like seeing you hurt!” You affectionately ruffled Seungjae’s hair. “Now anything else before your parents take you home?”

Seungjae nodded and pointed behind you. “Doctor, who’s that, the one holding flowers? He’s been staring at you this whole time.”

You turn around to see Mark, slowly turning a bright pink when he notices you notice him. He gives you a small wave before hiding himself bashfully behind the bouquet of flowers he was holding.

“He’s a friend of mine,” you replied, grinning at the boy. “He takes good care of me.”

“Doctor, you must like him a lot!”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you take good care of me,” Seungjae answered, giving you a toothy grin. “And I like you a lot!”

As you took Seungjae to his parents and saw them off—not without giving Seungjae another feeble warning to be careful while playing—Mark’s eyes never left you once.

For once, maybe Jackson was right about something.

“What are you doing here?” You asked playfully as you approached him. You pointed to the flowers. “Are those...?”

Mark held them out to you wordlessly and you graciously accepted, sniffing the petals. “I forgot which flowers you said you liked, but I knew you liked a flower, so I just got all of them to be safe.”

“I love them,” you giggled but stopped abruptly, looking around suspiciously and lowering your voice. “But why are you here? I thought you said you didn’t want anyone to know...” You caught the stares of a few nurses who were clearly talking about you two and sighed. Probably wondering how someone like you managed to snag Dr. McDreamy under the radar.

“Jackson found out, so the entire hospital was bound to find out too,” Mark explained, taking your free hand in his and placing a chaste kiss on the back of it, earning another giggle from you. “I’d rather us break the news before he did.”

“Wow, if it wasn’t for Dr. Wang...” You shook your head at the thought of the loud surgeon, blabbing over the operating table about how he found you two eating each other’s faces during a night shift.

“Actually, I can’t be too mad at him, he was right about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“He told me before that I needed a girl like you,” Mark answered, shooting you a wink. “You’re beautiful, smart, confident, independent, good with children...the type of girl I should start a family with, I think Jackson said,” he stated, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“Oppa!” You weakly slapped him on the arm. “This is the pediatric ward!”

“You’re right. Should we take this back to the locker room then?”

You smacked him again before burying your face in his shoulder. “What am I going to do with you?”

Mark couldn’t help but smile once again at your embarrassed self. He nudged his shoulder so you would look up at him, your face now inches from his. “As you wish,” he replied, his face slowly leaning into yours. Until...

“Hyung! First you kiss in front of me, now you’re kissing in front of the kids?! Don’t you have a life to save right now?!”

——

#got7 #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #got7 oneshots #im jaebum #mark tuan #jackson wang #park jinyoung #choi youngjae #bambam #kim yugyeom #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop oneshots #kpop fic #got7 fic #got7 requests #kpop requests

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shhhhyoursister · 5 years

Text

hi friends this post is gonna be a bit long and sappy so sorry in advance

(im absolutely using this as an excuse to be sappy the way ive been wanting to be for a while) so i woke up today to see that i had over 250 followers and i just wanted to say like,,,, what the fuck?????? like yeah my main blog has a lot of followers but im sure like 80% of them are bots or inactive so the fact that i have that many followers here and that its something ive built up with actual like,,, content and stuff thats????? so wild????? when i started watching druck i never expected to make a tumblr for it, let alone write fanfics and stuff for it???? i know i go off about it all the time but i really did just start watching because i saw david in his binder and i knew i HAD to watch, and that was after waching skam og s3 and knowing that it was gonna be mlm and ive never been more grateful to a random gifset on tumblr like??? i dont know where id be as a person right now if i didnt have druck and this community on here and wow im just really so :,) and yeah like its just a show and all that but finding something that first of all made me more represented than anything else ive ever watched like??? thats amazing, but also a show that has given me actual real friends and a community of people that support me and value the random stuff that i write like??? holy fuck yall im just feeling a lot of things rn and im just so grateful to all of you <3

i also of COURSE need to shout out all of the amazing friends ive made here???? so first like tumblr specific people @rimbaux, @brisingr-iettauthr, and @bagels-and-seagulls like i didnt expect to be friends with yall but im so happy i am???? yall are all just so talented and also super freaking nice and funny and great people and im?? so glad that we all talk now its so great wow im really :,)

gotta shout out all my dungeon gays, like you guys??? i cant even express how much each of you means to me in every way?? like yall know some of the stuff that i deal with when it comes to like,, friends and shit like that so the fact that i always have you guys to scream to is so nice and im gonna actuallly start crying jsut cause i love yall so much and you all mean so much to me oh my GOD so @navollidiot, @davenziabend, @vildelesbianqueen, @sourflorenzi, god i LVOE you all so much <3

i gotta give special shout outs to @chlouais like yon,, youre always putting up with my bullshit whether that be editing my stuff or dealing with me yelling random ideas at you and like i think you were the first druck person i really became close with and im just :,) im just love you SO much yon and i know i say it a lot im just,,, big uwus over here!!!!!! and also of course a shout out to my fucking HUSBAND @theyellowcurtains like harri i feel like even though like 60% of our convos are jsut talking about how much we love eafch other i have to say it here too?? thank you for always listening to me complain and dealing with me when im drunk and stupid and justl letting me say stuff to you without the fear of being judged???? like i know we joke and make fun of each other constantly but ir eally do appreciate having someone i could go to with like,, anything i think so wowi love you and thank you <3

#noggins #im so sorry this is so long im just #having feelings #long post #this is just me going off and being sappy about stuff ignore it dksfhsjkdf #dont mind me just fucking CRYING over here

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dahniwitchoflight · 5 years

Text

Candy 22-23

hmm, interesting, so 5 minutes of Terezi time equals about 2 weeks of John time?

What’s the math on that, how many minutes are in a week? 10,080? Neat.

what’s that divided by 5? 2016?

so time is moving almost 2000 times faster for John than it is for Terezi?

a Day for Terezi is literally 5 and a half Years for John by that Math.

All of John’s conversations have been happening over the course of not even 2 full days for Terezi so far, and by John’s estimation that she only ever messages every year or so

that turns out to be like, every 260 minutes for Terezi?? If my math is correct? (525,600 minutes / 2016 = 260 minutes = 4.333... hours)

4 and 1/3 hours.

oh my god, Terezi and John talk literally every 4 hours and 20 minutes that’s hilarious they turned 413 into a 420 weed joke that’s amazing

I wonder if Terezi takes his convo’s seriously or just think it’s an extended prank that their both neck deep in at this point? I mean, they joke with eachother a lot and he literally messages her what seems from her point of view, literally every 4:20 (Trolls understand weed jokes because I said so and because it’s funny)

Does he ever send her pic’s of what they all look like as adults? Does she think it’s badly like, photoshopped or something like what she used to do with Dave?

Or does she really know? Either way is interesting to be honest

Wait, did Gamzee make out Jake’s/Jane’s son Tavros?? Why is John so nonchalant about that?

or is it a different Tavros???

I’m confused, or maybe not, John’s going straight into a line that says take Tavros away from his family. what the fuck is Gamzee doing.

So I guess this is what happens to all non canon timelines? They get torn to shreds by the inevitable cosmic background blender that is the giant black hole thing in Meat?

Oh god Jane made a crockership, yeah we’re in the nosedive of all of Jane’s unsavoury tendencies made manifest

we don’t need a tiara here, this was carefully manifested and nurtured to happen by another guy who all fell into the worst version of himself

Sad to see karkat and dave seperated too, but interesting karkat finally got fed enough enough to lead a resistance

this friend circle is really going down the shits

but then again, kind of was to be expected, i mean, it’s not like they were all actually friends, there wasn’t really much of an extended friend circle for the alpha kids. its a stretch to even say John and Jane were close friends because they didn’t really have much interaction with each other either

Jane and Jake is pretty much a lost cause, Dirk is dead and also encouraging her downfall, and Roxy is totally accepting of everything around her for better or worse, and Calliope and Jane were never close not to mention Calliope seems content to just follow Roxy everywhere

there’s literally no one actually close enough to Jane to have an actual “i care about you’re my friend” conversation with that would actually feel genuine, so it’s kind of inevitable she’d end up like this in this sort of situation with no one to help her steer her course

John’s getting desperate to feel some sense of reality again, that picture of Terezi is almost like an anchor in the storm

he’s only attached to his reality because of his personal investment into it, like he’s too deep in it now to ever escape, not because he really truly cares and is happy I think but because he’s put so much effort into making this all work

Also damn, he’s really gonna kidnap Tavros, but i mean like, I don’t blame him if apparently his sort of father clown figure has been making out with him as part of a religious cult nonsense i hope im interpreting that wrong but he literally says PBandJ again and says Tavros, so like, who else could he mean

Fake redemption nonsense finally going down the toilet where it belongs

but damn, John’s gonna start a war I can see it now, this is gonna pop Jane’s cork and for all we know she could easily use it as an excuse to attack trolls by blaming the kidnapping on them

You know what is so interesting about this though?

Jane was raised by the condesce, and feared alternian society like it was inherent to trollkind

but here she is displaying that same tyranny in the name of humanity, it does a good job of showing this bullshit isn’t inherent to any person or race

but man, it is ironic how much of a mini Condesce Jane is becoming, complete with her own Grand High Blood too, while fighting what she probably considers tyrannical trollkind

It’s cute how Harry talks in a lighter Roxier shade of blue though, unfortunately due to the name I can imagine anything except Harry Potter being their actual child, Harry Anderson as a figure means nothing to me even though I know the reference and the picture that shows up in Homestuck I get the joke

Maybe it’s because it’s also Roxy’s child and she always had a thing for wizards so

Tavros talking in a dark purple is less endearing, because it so clearly shows that despite supposedly being a product of love between Jane and Jake, Gamzee as a weird third interloper has entirely taken over this family

Gamzee being the auspistice for Jane and Jake doesn’t sound good. Weird that he’s seen as like an Uncle figure too. This family is messed up to hell.

mmm.. I don’t think Jake and Jane are in a kismesis...

*UPSETTING CHILD ABUSE CONTENT AHEAD*

I don’t like how uncomfortable Tavros seems to be with an uncle figure taking him up to his bedroom im getting all kinds of bad child abuse vibes, not from john god no but like, Tavros seems so expectant of something to happen and that’s not pairing well with what Gamzee has apparently been doing

“Tavros sighs, his facial expression unchanging. He looks resigned. To life in general, as well as whatever it is he’s expecting from this particular situation. Wait... what is he expecting from this situation, having been led away to a secluded part of the house by an adult? What has he been taught to expect?“

I don’t like this. John please kidnap the child. Even though it’s going to start a war.

No I don’t like where this is going this is getting a big gigantic NOPE for me

Oh fuck okay, so it hasn’t happened yet, big relief there

but almost, still warning sirens going off in my head because

“JOHN: TRAIN you???

TAVROS: Yes,

TAVROS: In matters of combat,,, philosophy,,, life,,, love,,,

TAVROS: I suppose to behave the way a mentor does, as he sees it,,,”

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT GAMZEE BEING A DIRK GAUGE

Is “Combat, Philosophy, Life, Love” just like symbolism for the four shitty ingredients of Lord English symbolically mixed together? Like yeah they don’t all sound bad when you put it that way but really it’s like

Combat = Physical Abuse = Caliborn

Philosophy = Religious Cult = Gamzee

Love = Obsession = Equius

Life = Dominance and Power = Dirk

Every shitty part of the LE soul combo contributes something bad to the whole

uh oh, they’ve been found out by Jade

Jade’s not exactly gonna throw him to the big bad wolf, but is she just gonna disagree with his actions? Or is she gonna try to stop him.

or argue? argue’s good, sure, not really but sure

Everyone knows Jane’s gone to shit, but everyone’s too cowardly to stand up to her and tell her she’s wrong

oh shit, speaking of

oh, well, that didn’t go how i wanted it to

John got so close to saying something that could break through to Jane, but Karkat was right, she couldn’t get her head out of her ass long enough to listen to what was being said to her, and instead immediately jump to conclusions about what she thinks people are talking about

she probably think everyone hates her suddenly because of her political ideas and thinks its ridiculous thats everyones getting so mad at her for it, head so far up the ass she should be turning into a fourth dimensional pretzel by now

even though this could have all have been avoided if someone just had enough bravery to nip it in the bud, so instead of angry raze the ground retaliatory action she could have just been embarassed and angry in the personal and then gotten over it in a few weeks

but nope, genocidal war in the works now

oof

just big oof

gotta say though, I’m sitting practically eating gigantic mounds of popcorn at the drama (Besides the one part that was implying gamzee was sexually abusing tavros before they made it clear he wasn’t, I could do without that one honestly)

other than that though, loving the drama, feel bad for the people getting the shit end of the sticks though

#Homestuck #Meat or Candy

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mercenarypark · 5 years

Note

How do you think a crossover between Scooby-Doo and Ghostbusters would go?

EDIT: i typed all this shit out, posted the ask, and it posted without any text. thank CHRIST i saved everything i had written like 5 minutes before but i gotta re-add some edits real quickfunny that u ask since my friends and i have been workshopping that concept for monthsHeres what we have set in stone: first of all, Ray is Fred’s uncle. Theres no way around this one. This is mandatory. We’ve got two excitable and kindhearted idiots, with a love of ghosts and mysteries, who are constantly walking right into danger while having The Time Of Their LIVES, and theyre both voiced by Frank Welker? Not to mention the fact that so many Scooby Doo movies/shows involve various relatives of the Scooby gang suddenly appearing out of nowhere despite never being referenced before, and Fred having a famous uncle isnt even out of the ordinary, what with him being Bobby Flay’s nephew [and, while its only briefly mentioned in one old non-canon video i found, hes apparently a distant cousin of Tom Jones. which is hilarious] Second of all, setting will probably be Miskatonic University, aka the fictional university from Lovecraft mythos. Stay with me here, I know full well Lovecraft is garbage, but both Scooby AND RGB canon have Miskatonic as a real place At some point in RGB, Venkman and Egon go to Miskatonic for information during “The Collect Call of C[a]thulhu”, and the university is referenced again in “The Hole in The Wall Gang”, where Ray talks about his college football team having to fight Miskatonic’s once In Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated, at the very, VERY end of the show, the gang gets scholarships to Miskatonic and drive off on a road trip to there, solving mysteries along the way. They’d have a perfectly valid excuse to already be in that area- and even outside of Mystery Incorporated’s timeline, you could easily make the argument that Miskatonic University and Arkam, Massachusetts would still exist in other Scooby timelines since it exists THERE, and they could still have a reason to be in that area solving mysteries as a resultAs for an actual plot, that’s more debatable. Probably some eldritch god bullshit, probably a lot of “is this a job for US or for YOU?” and trying to sort out if they’re dealing with a guy in a mask or an actual supernatural being. could also lead into the two teams trying to one-up each other in friendly[or not so friendly] competition, with Winston being literally the only one who wouldnt take part in that (see: “Ghostbuster of the Year”, and him also being the only one with the common sense to be like “wait we’re getting into a petty fight with teenagers now? Really??”). aside from that probably mostly a lot of the Ghostbusters bouncing off the Scooby gang. Going off what we’ve discussed:-Ray and Fred’s love for each other as family is compromised by the fact that neither of them will accept the possibility that the other guy’s car is better than theirs. Ecto-1 vs the Mystery Machine. who will win? no one. no one will win this mess-that said Ray and his talent with engineering works well with Fred’s trap building expertise so if whatever monster of the week they wind up dealing with is tangible, they’d make something incredible and way, wayyyy too complicated to catch it-It would take about 10 minutes for Egon to get into a heated debate with Velma over the existence of the supernatural, and they would both at least CONSIDER getting into a literal fistfight over it. Do not leave these two alone together. It won’t be pretty. -And in Mystery Inc, there’s the added bonus of Scooby technically being an alien god; so in that continuity there’s the potential of Egon, who steadfastly doesn’t believe in aliens, being confronted with the gang’s “mascot” who is an alien; and Velma, who steadfastly doesn’t believe in ghosts, being confronted with the Ghostbusters’ “mascot”, who is a ghost. -Slimer, Egon, Shaggy, and Scooby can and will eat the rest of them out of house and home. This is a fact.-Velma and Winston get along for being the bookish ones of their respective teams AND for far and away being two of the smartest, with the most common sense-that said Daphne probably has the most common sense and practical knowledge of the gang, and she and Winston both also share the sad title of “most often sidelined and ignored and not given the fun roles”, though over the years Daph has managed to save herself from this (see: Be Cool Scooby Doo). Also, without them, their respective teams basically fall to pieces. they are the glue keeping these ships running. -though with regards to what roles Daphne DOES get to play most of the time, iirc Venkman is the non-Janine Ghostbuster who’s most likely to get kidnapped, if only one of them is captured and not the whole crew like in “Janine Melnitz, Ghostbuster”. [examples of Venkman getting kidnapped solo include “The Bird of Kildarby” and “A Fright at the Opera”.] What I’m saying is, if anyone’s gonna get kidnapped by the monster of the week, it might well be these two. They can probably break themselves free, though, especially if they work together-Venkman, Shaggy, and Scooby share the common trait of being perfectly willing to ditch everyone else if given the opportunity and go nap and/or eat instead of dealing with whatever the hell is going on THIS time. the difference is that Venkman’s not really a coward, he’s just a lazy asshole-Speaking of things Venkman has in common with the gang, Venkman and Fred share the titles of “least brain cells” AND “biggest egos”. lord save everyone if those two try to put their heads together. anyway thats most of what we’ve got so far[i know, theres an unfortunate lack of Janine]. with all of that combined, you could probably make a pretty good crossover. christ knows ive been chipping away at the idea for a while, though i havent made much headway w/ how busy i am and how distracted i get (see: my 10 other in-progress rgb fics in varying stages of completion, and the fact that i only have 2 that are actually finished and posted)in short, i think the idea is fantastic and its a genuine shame that it doesnt look like the idea has really been considered, even with scooby doo guess who out now. Sure, there’s been more and more crossovers with the comics- the TMNT crossover and the new Transformers crossover- but I’d really want to see this with RGB and not the prime versions and again, it doesn’t look like crossover comics with the RGB characters have been considered. :/

#long post /#text heavy /#asks #anonymous

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toxikbubblegum · 5 years

Text

May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

⭐⭐

Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

⭐⭐⭐

Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

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pwnyta · 6 years

Text

Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.

SO yall have to deal with it.

This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.

First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....

I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...

I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors

They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.

Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.

Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.

((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))

And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.

He was an ex pirate.

Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.

---

‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.

I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....

Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)

---

I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon... but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.

I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.

---

Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.

Kreetan and his mum and dad.

So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.

I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?

THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.

Zippo is curious.

.....AS A CAT.

Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.

I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.

Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.

Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave

Addy is a modest princess type

Jubilee is a sassy lass.

And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.

((EYES EMOJI))

Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.

WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!

---

Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.

She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.

She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.

Now for some less polished individuals....

Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.

...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.

I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.

By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.

Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!

This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.

...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.

---

AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.

A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.

A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.

Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.

I drew some more science bitches...

Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.

Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.

Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.

I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)

Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)

Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.

Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.

Some booboos happen tho...

But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.

Shes promptly expelled.

Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.

Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.

Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.

And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.

Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)

Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?

Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.

After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...

His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.

I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.

Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.

---

(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)

I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.

After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.

Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.

#PKMN fanarts #RIP Omi if you get through all of this...#Pwny Gijinka mon fanarts.

104 notes · View notes

wongpuppy · 6 years

Text

MOMENTS II, johnny seo

↳ Rating angst + fluff

↳ Pairing bestfriend!Johnny x Y/N

↳ Word count 5.4k [ part I + part II ]

↳ Summary you fell in love with bestfriend!Johnny in a series of moments

“Wait for me.”

Johnny’s able to mutter out once he gets out of the hammock.

His eyes were glued to you, and have been ever since you told him to say something. And Johnny wanted to look away so fucking bad but he couldn’t. The whole time he watched you, he felt his fists clench and heart twist over and over again. He’d never see you so broken, so small. Not even when you left Sehun, this was pure hurt and embarrassment. Yet he couldn’t look away.

It was like he was making sure you weren’t going to say or do anything more. Because you have never caught Johnny off guard like that before, and he wasn’t used to a spontaneous Y/N.

He takes one lasting look at you with a very clenched fist before he wills himself to get back to his apartment. Johnny knew you and he knew talking was the last thing you were going to do, holding back all your tears. He looks down to his opened fist, seeing heavily evident nail marks.

So Johnny forces himself to walk away, to take a step back.

Because in the four years Johnny had known you, he’s only ever managed to keep one secret from you; why exactly him and Ruby broke up. And up until now, Johnny hadn’t let himself think much about it. That’s exactly why he couldn’t see or be around you, because he knew he fucked up bad.

He looks back at you right before he leaves the balcony, and instantly regrets it when your eyes meet for maybe the third time since this all begun.

Your eyes were filled with so much pain and sadness, Johnny’s steps immediately faulted and hesitated before exiting your balcony. He stands there for a second until knew that the last thing he could do right now is help you, no matter how badly he wanted to.

So he forces himself to keep walking out of your apartment (and locking it with his spare key), get in his car, and drive home. In the car, music plays in the background but not in Johnny’s mind, his head too full with scenes of you looking up and stars stuck in your eyes, how the more your eyes teared up, the more and more it reflected the sky and all its stars-

Yeah. Johnny needed to stop thinking. At a red light, he quickly flips through his playlists and cranks up the volume to Beethoven’s sonata no. 14.

The songs melancholy notes blare through the speakers and Johnny feels himself relax against the drivers seat and focus on the piano keys. But the more this particular song played and the closer Johnny got to his apartment, he realized that this was your favorite Beethoven song. And instantly, Johnny’s shoulders drop and he feels a tear fall from his right eye. More and more, tears fell right after each other while Johnny drove home. His heart felt like it was being torn apart the farther he got away from you and into the song.

Once he parks his car, Johnny sits in the drivers seat for a second holding the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles went white. Face wet with the remnants of tears and sobs, Johnny felt stuck in his seat. As much as he wanted to go back to you and comfort you, he couldn’t trust what he would do. Johnny was going through so many emotions and memories, he felt like he was going to blow up at any point. Wiping the last of his tears, he gets out of the car and can’t help but whip the door shut.

Going up the building, Johnny quickly closes the door to his apartment and leans against the front door. All he does is lean against the door and keep his eyes on the floor. Out of everything he thought could happen today, you confessing your feelings wasn’t one of them. And out of everything that could be brought back up from his past, it’s his break up with Ruby.

Johnny shuts his eyes tightly. He slides down his door until he’s sitting in front of it with this head in his hands. He knew karma had a funny way of messing up his life.

The only person who knew about the break up was Jaehyun, Johnny’s other best friend. He was pretty close to the younger guy, having known him a long time, but there was something about Y/N that made Johnny almost magnetized to you.

Johnny reaches for his phone and scrolls through his contacts before clicking on Jaehyun’s name, putting it on loudspeaker and closing his eyes.

“What’s up, Johnno?” Jaehyuns lively voice answered.

“Its Y/N, Jaehyun.” Johnny pinches the bridge of his nose. “Something happened, she-”

“She knows you cheated on Ruby, doesn’t she?”

There it is. The disgusting, dreadful secret.

Johnny sort of wiped the whole memory of the breakup clean as if it never happened, not wanting to go through what had happened two years ago.

“Shit, bro, no. She doesn’t. Not yet, anyway.” Johnny rests his head back on his front door. “I’m just going to have to tell her at some point.”

Jaehyun’s quiet on the other end of the call.

When Johnny told him, it had just happened and Jaehyun refused to talk to his best friend for around 2 weeks before he forgave him. And it took Jaehyun a lot not to punch him square in the face for a long time.

Jaehyun knows Johnny fucked up, but he also knows that Johnny understands he fucked up and has been trying to make up for it since.

“Y/N’s gonna freak the fuck out, bro.”

Both the boys knew you, Johnny obviously a lot more. But even Jaehyun knew the amount of hatred you had for cheaters, being cheated on by the first guy you dated (Simon or whatever) and Sehun. They both knew cheating was the end zone for you, your own blacklist.

“I know, Jae, thanks for stating the obvious.” Johnny groans and his feet taps rapidly on the floor. “I’m so fucked.”

“Does she know about your feelings for her too?”

Fuck me. Johnny clears his throat with a groan. “No, Jaehyun. She doesn’t.”

Johnny knew how messy the situation he got himself into was. But he couldn’t help it, you were right, something did happen two years ago. But unlike you, Johnny didn’t allow himself to relish in moments of awe at you, he just refused to ever let himself think there was a chance for the two of you to ever work out.

Because Johnny plainly knew that he was not good enough. Because Johnny was a cheater, and you stuck to the saying ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. Because Johnny knew that once he told you, you wouldn’t see him as Johnny, your best friend. You’ll just see him as a cheater.

Because Johnny was scared. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt you, and look at how shit he was already doing.

So Johnny held his breath and tucked away those feelings for two years. Jaehyun only knew because he cornered him a year ago with a suspicious glance. But as far as he knew, you didn’t have an ounce of a clue of his true feelings. And tonight solidified that.

Jaehyun whistles on the other end and sighs. “You guys are the closest people I know, I can’t imagine the two of you not being on good terms.”

You should’ve seen what just went down then bro, Johnny thinks to himself. He swallows thickly, wanting to change the topic. “I just can’t bullshit when I tell her. I just need to go out and say it, no beating around the bushes.”

“And don’t make any excuses.” Jaehyun adds. “You fucked up and you know it, make sure she knows that.”

Johnny’s quiet for a while, taking in everything that he would have to say to you. “Okay. Thank you, man. I owe you, big time.”

“Always, bro.” Jaehyun says on the other line. “Give her time, Johnny. Let me know how it goes when it does.”

The phone call ends and Johnny thought he’d feel somewhat better at this point but he really doesn’t. He feels just as shitty as he did when he first saw your face when he said he needed to go. Johnny’s mind is still too clouded in scenes of you with stars in your eyes. You looked so raw and open, it hurt Johnny unimaginably that he hasn’t been the same to you.

Best friends told each other everything, even the worst parts. Realizing that he held back something as big as cheating from you made Johnny feel like pure shit.

How he’d gone two years without telling you is insane to him now.

Johnny pulls out his airpods from his pocket and puts them on, playing more of Beethoven. The last thing he wanted was to be alone in the silence where his thoughts could shout and plague Johnny’s mind.

So like clockwork, Johnny gets on with his nightly routine. A glass of water, quick wash and moisturize of his face, before dressing down to boxers, and getting into bed.

But this time, Johnny doesn’t fall asleep in 5 or 10 minutes. Johnnys wide awake all night. Eyes locked on the ceiling on top of him and Chopin playing gloomy music through his earphones.

Throughout the whole sleepless night, your face had been the only thing on his mind. He couldn’t help but feel a bit dumbstruck repeating those moments of you in his head over and over. For a second, Johnny allowed himself to see you as his.

What if he grinned from ear to ear instead, nodding with fire in his eyes at you? “Y/N, I’m crazy in love with you, I have been for two-“

Johnny stops when he realizes a tear slipping from his left eye. He shuts his eyes quickly and holds his hands up to cover them. Get a fucking grip, Johnny. But the more and more he kept telling himself that, the more he felt himself crumble. It isn’t long until he’s a mess on his bed, throat scratchy and raw from the wretched, vocal cries.

And to think Johnny had never cried as many times in 20+ years as he had tonight.

Thats basically how it went for the next two days. Johnny isolated himself to his bedroom, bathroom, UberEats, Debussy, and Bach. Not going to classes and taking a few sick days from work, Johnny really didn’t feel like going through any day without you.

It was kinda dumb how much you’ve woven yourself into Johnny’s life, subconsciously becoming almost a necessity in it.

If one of you didn’t sleep over, theres always a morning text followed by ‘ride?’, and thats just how easy friendship was to the two of you. Johnny always brought an extra bottle of water wherever he was with you because you would always finished yours and drank his. You always kept a mini umbrella in your bag because last year Johnny kept complaining about his bad luck of being caught up in rain with no umbrella. And you’d go help him no matter where you were or what you were doing.

Johnny wakes up quietly on the third day, different to waking up in cold sweats and sobs from nightmares the first two days. He looks at the time on his phone with a low groan. 6:30am with no alarm. Classic morning bird Johnny.

He lays back on his bed with an arm behind his head and eyes focused on the ceiling.

His days seemed to drag on longer, hours lasting years, ever since the two of you stopped talking. Previously, the longest the two of you gone without talking at all (other than sleeping) was just a day. And that was because Johnny worked a double shift interning at a hospital shadowing a doctor and obviously, the two of you weren’t in a fight.

On the third day, Johnny had the intense need to reach out to you. He’d catch himself last minute before sending a text or requesting a facetime. He didn’t know what it was, the first two days Johnny allowed himself to wallow in sadness, and now, it was like he was aching for your company.

But still, Johnny shook the thought off. These few days, he had also been thinking quite hard about what to say and how exactly to say it. Because he knew it was all bad he just wanted to know if there was any way he could soften the blow (there weren’t). So, third day in and Johnny barely had a fairly thought-through idea in his head.

Clearing his throat, Johnny shuts the curtains closed and scrambles back in bed. He couldn’t trust himself or what he was going to say, not wanting to mess things up even more. Curling up on his side, Johnny closes his eyes and feels himself drift off to sleep, imagining you right beside him. Thats really how the most of the day went, Johnny falling in and out of sleep, the blackout curtains making it seem like night time 24/7.

At some point, Johnny couldn’t stand the helpless, cruel dreams of you and him and grabs his phone checking the time. 8:26pm. He knew barely getting sleep in two days would catch up to him. Karma, you see, always made sure to kick Johnny’s ass real good.

After a few more minutes in bed, Johnny gets out and goes to his kitchen with a stretch and roll of his shoulders. He puts in coffee into his French press and leans against the counter. Looking around his kitchen and living room, Johnny sighs.

He barely left his room for good measure. His apartment was filled with fragments and memories of you in every piece of furniture, it almost scared Johnny. You chose the couch and carpet, you’d spend every Tuesday nights in the kitchen cooking for your weekly taco Tuesdays-

Johnny squeezed his eyes shut.

When he opens them the next second however, Johnny is caught up in a memory. A memory of the first time he told you he loved you.

A little more than a year ago, you had managed to get blackout fucked up at one of NCT’s parties. Johnny took you back to his place after you nearly stripped down and jumped into the pool in negative temperatures.

You were spinning on one of Johnny’s counter stools, giggling like an 8 year old. You kept giggling at nothing in particular and just the sight made his heart skip a beat. And for the first time in a while, he let himself indulge in his feelings.

Johnny was leaning against the exact same spot, watching you with a dopey grin and a deep laugh. He knew he only had around 3 beers but he couldn’t shake off the need to keep looking at you. “You’re gonna get sick if you keep spinning around like that.”

“Please, Johnny boy, I’m already sick as fuck.” You drag out the last word and continue spinning and giggling your head off. There it was, the dumb nickname you called him whenever you were drunk. Johnny swallowed thickly, brushing off the way you articulated his name.

Johnny grins to himself, stopping your spinning by putting his hands down and grabbing onto the stool. He leans in close to your face with a lick of his lips. His honey eyes scatter across your eyes, nose, then lips.

“How drunk are you, Y/N?”

Johnny mutters out, eyes drinking in your low eyes and wide, pearly smile.

“Very drunk. Like I won’t remember this in the morning.” You grin like you just said something good. Then, you cross your hands and narrow a brow, smirking at him. “Why, you gonna kiss me, Johnny boy?”

“No.” He says quickly, pretending he didn’t hear those exact words from you.

Johnny picks you up easily and walks over to his room with you in his arms. He puts you on the bed and walks to his bathroom to get the makeup wipes you left. He comes back and sits down close to you to remove your make up. He leans back into you and when you don’t react in any way, Johnny clears his throat, using the fact that you wouldn’t remember this to his advantage.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. I feel a lot of things for you and I’m terrified.”

Drunk you grins up at Johnny, not fully processing the intensity behind his words. Johnny wished this was real and actually going on, seeing the smile on your face at his words. And god, did it feel good to say out loud. He felt the weight of thousands of bricks slip off his shoulders and he takes a deep breath.

Johnny looks back at you with a half smile. “And I really can’t imagine my life without you.”

Johnny shakes his head, attempting to shake off all the memories that came along. He knew he’s heard your words before, repetition of a drunken memory of his own confession. What were the odds.

But the memory of the way it felt to tell you he loved you stuck to him, and he completely forgets why he was in the kitchen until the French press steams up.

So Johnny quickly presses it and makes himself coffee in an 8 ball spherical mug (because every mug was chosen by you and was well, crazy).

“I still don’t know how you can drink coffee without anything.”

Johnny jumps at the sound of your voice, turning around to check behind him with his heart racing. “Fuck.” Johnny curses, a hand clenching his chest. Just another memory. Johnny felt like he was being haunted.

He stands in his kitchen for a few seconds before he utters ‘fuck it’, running to his room and throwing on a random pair of jeans and a large hoodie. Grabbing his keys and wallet, Johnny runs out of his apartment without a second thought.

When he’s in his car, Johnny pulls out his phone and clicks on your chat. He gulps nervously.

Johnny: i need to see you please @8:47pm

Johnny: text me Y/N please @8:48pm

He sits there for a second before starting up and driving to your apartment complex, the usual 7 minute drive taking double as long because of Johnny’s nerves.

Y/N: when? @9:03pm

Johnny: are you free now? @9:03pm

Y/N: yeah @9:04pm

Johnny: okay im coming up @9:04pm

Y/N: youre down?? @9:04pm

He dismisses the last text from you and parks his car, taking his time to get into and up your building to your apartment. Johnny never felt so nervous before in his life, standing in front of your door. He didn’t know what to expect to come from this, not even knowing why he was here to begin with.

Johnny lifts his fists to knock on your door.

Theres a few minutes before the door opens and Johnny tries to take the time to collect and calm his thoughts and emotions but almost the opposite thing happens. He just feels his emotions spike and the temperature pick up standing in front of your door.

Once the door opens, Johnnys eyes zip up from the floor to you and he feels his heart squeeze.

Three whole days without you made Johnny feel like water was taken away from him and this was the first sip in years. Your features are coaxed in a layer of tiredness and sadness, clinging onto your skin. And Johnny felt like you were the most beautiful thing he’s seen. The shape of your eyes and eyelashes, the curve of your lips, the pink of your cheeks, Johnny loved it all.

“Y/N, I-uh… I.” Johnny clears his throat and already feels tears prickle the corner of his eyes. “Fuck, Y/N. I love you. I am in love with you.”

Johnny watches the confusion in your eyes slowly vanish, instead filling up with pure happiness. It killed him. Your lips start to curl up and the first tear falls from Johnnys eyes.

“N-No, Y/N, you don’t understand.”

Your eyes drop again, head congested with so many mixed emotions. You didn’t know what was going on and plainly, Johnny didn’t either.

“Help me understand then, Johnny.” Motioning for him to get inside, Johnny follows with a sniffle of his nose.

The both of you sat on your living room couch and when you reach out to hold Johnnys hand, he takes it back in the speed of light.

“I haven’t been completely truthful to you, Y/N. Just hear me out before you say anything, okay?” You nod hesitantly and Johnny sighs. “Ruby and I… we didn’t just break up, Y/N.”

You furrow your brows, confusion clear on your face. Johnny plays with his fingers. “One night, we got into an argument. We lashed out at each other, yelling and screaming, then she storms out of my apartment. Still pissed, I went over to the frat house and one thing led to another and there was a party.” He squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “I… I cheated on Ruby that night. I got drunk, s-slept with some random girl, and I broke up with Ruby the next morning.”

Johnny doesn’t want to open his eyes, now fully understanding why you kept looking at the sky three days ago. All he could hear was the tv playing something in the background and the sound of his heart slowly start to rip apart. Because as time went on, a new noise started to fill the apartment.

Johnny’s eyes open slowly to the sight of you hunched over and sobbing into your palms. His voice gets stuck in his throat and his mind goes quiet. He feels his hands start to heat up and twitch, almost needing to touch you and comfort you in any way he could. Johnny felt so helpless, wanting to help you but knowing he was the one you were crying about.

He doesn’t even realize he was even sobbing lightly.

“D-Does she know?”

Johnny swallows thickly at your words and nods instantly. “Of course, I told her. Y/N, you don’t know how bad I fe-“

“J-Johnny.” Your eyes are red and glossy when you look up at him. Your voice was broken and you choke back a sob. Johnny watches your face constrict and feels his jaw go slack at the sight. “How could you?”

The immense pain behind your words hit Johnny at full force. He’s broken quite a few bones in his life but nothing hurt more than that.

“How could you do that to her?” The whole time, you’re shaking your head and Johnny sees exactly what he didn’t want to.

You didn’t look at him as your best friend. He was Johnny the cheater in that second and Johnny felt sick to his stomach.

Johnny’s mouth dries up and he can’t find the words to answer, stuck looking at you like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing. Tears fell from his eyes on their own accord, making his honey eyes look almost green. He holds out his hands to hold you and you shake your head forcibly.

“No, don’t touch me, Johnny.”

He’s never felt helplessness like that, hurting you then wanting to help you, it tore Johnny apart. He takes his arms back with a shivering chin.

You continue to sob loudly, covering your face with your hands. Johnny can hear you mumbling ‘how could you’ over and over.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Johnny chokes out, using the his sleeves to wipe his tears. “I’m sorry the only answer I can give you is I don’t know. I was stupid, angry, and you know me, Y/N. I’m not the same person, I changed and you know this. Please don’t look at me any differently.”

He watches you hiccup and wipe away tears, still managing to look completely flawless to him. Johnny sighs.

“That’s why I haven’t gotten into a relationship since… it’s like I don’t trust myself. I was capable of that much pain to someone I had a lot of feelings for… I just don’t want to be in a position like that again.”

“How am I supposed to know you’d never cheat on me, Johnny?”

“Because I’ve never felt anything like this towards anyone and I never want to let it go.” Johnny visibly swallows and hesitates before holding onto your hand lightly. “I never want to let you go.”

“You deserve a lot better than me, Y/N. But if you give me the chance, I’ve been bettering myself and I want to continue to with you beside me.”

You stare at the way Johnny holds your hand with his the whole time. Its soft and intimate, homely. His words and actions dripped honey, and you felt your previously broken heart start to put itself together.

But the more you stared at your intertwined hands, the more sick to your stomach you felt.

You slowly slide your hand out of his grasp and catch the way heartbreak flies across Johnny’s face. You squeeze your hands together, realizing how cold they were without Johnny’s to warm them.

“I need time to take this all in, Johnny. You kept a secret from me and lied, I can’t just brush that off.” You gulp when you watch his head fall.

He nods and clears his throat, voice husky and deep. “I understand, I’ll give you all the time you need, Y/N.”

When he stands up, you stand up right after and clear your throat. “Thank you for telling me about Ruby.”

Johnny looks at you with a sad smile. “No need.” He walks over to your front door with heavy footsteps. “I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

⇝⇝⇝

2 months later

Johnny pulls out the pie he made last night from the fridge and sets it on the coffee table. He puts the last of all his pillows and blankets on the couch and on the floor in front of it. He knew how much you liked being warm and comfy, pillow forts being your favorite thing ever.

Johnny woke up at 7am today already nervous. It was the his and your friendship anniversary, and you had already texted him asking him if he wanted to do something today. With an obvious yes, Johnny gulped and bit his nails all day.

You and Johnny barely spoke in these 2 months but it was sort of okay. There was never any bad feelings and the two of you smiled at each other whenever you bumped into each other.

But at the beginning it was probably one of the hardest things Johnny went through.

Having to wake up and get through the day without talking or seeing you? Thats like telling Johnny to practice suffocation for a couple minutes everyday.

But as time went by, Jaehyun would come around with Mark, Ten, and Doyoung; and Johnny realized how much he missed being around his friends. He often spent most of his time with you and saw the guys a couple times a week. Being around them now made Johnny feel guilty for not spending more time with them but they were quick to dismiss it, always going to be there for him when he needed them.

He realized that he shouldn’t have been alone those rough couple days. So he spent more time with the guys, and eventually began to feel a little better.

But he never forgot about the way your eyes widened and beamed when he told you he loved you.

It was now currently 8:58pm and you were due to arrive at his place in 2 minutes. Johnny was so fucking nervous. But he was also curious, these two months were a time of recovery for Johnny, and he didn’t know how it treated you.

Theres a knock on his door and Johnny lets out a long breath before clearing his throat and running over to the door. He hesitates at the door handle before pulling it open. And Johnny was speechless.

You looked really good, as if you had a sort of glow to you. Your eyes seemed brighter and your smile softer. It caught Johnny off guard, momentarily taking a couple seconds to take this all in.

Just like that, Johnny knew that his feelings never once left and if anything, just got all the more stronger.

You gave him a shy smile holding up a plate covered in foil. “I brought something for, uh, you know. Today.”

Of course. Both of your friendship anniversary called for dessert night. Thats how its always been and also why Johnny spent the entire day yesterday (with a little help from Jaehyun) baking a key lime pie.

Johnny smiles and he smiles big. Nodding, he lets you by. “Yeah, I made something yesterday. Its on the table in the living room.”

You walk by him and turn back to him with a grin. “It’s nice to see you, Johnny.”

Johnnys eyes drag up your converse, across your outfit, and up to your rosy red cheeks. He grins widely. “You look good, Y/N. How’ve you been recently?” He closes the door and ushers you towards the living room.

“I’ve been really good, actually.” Your blush never fading. “I got the job at JM and Co.”

Johnny’s eyes go wide. “The top law firm? Holy shit, Y/N, that’s insane.”

“Its only a desk job right now. But I’m really excited.” He watches your hands clamp together and eyes twinkle when you smile. He feels his heart squeeze and damn, Johnny was so whipped.

“I’m really proud of you, Y/N. You’re gonna go really far.”

If anyone knew that, it was Johnny. He always made sure to go to all of your mock trials and debates, watching you murder it every time.

So he never had a doubt that you would be the best lawyer out there.

The both of you walk into the living room and Johnny scratches the back of his neck at the pie. “I baked it yesterday with some help from Jaehyun. Key lime pie, our favorite.”

You look at the pie with wide eyes and a shocked chuckle. You quickly pick at the foiled tin in your hands and Johnny watches you with a warm feeling in his chest. “I brought key lime pie too!”

The both of you laugh and grin at each other, Johnny inching closer to you with a shrug. “The more the merrier.”

You grin and taking in the set up Johnny had in his living room with the blankets and pillows. Your heart beat picking up its pace. “This is really cute, Johnny.”

“We used to do this, anyway.” Johnny shrugs and you catch the blush that washes across his face. “I just want this to be perfect.”

And perfect it was. The both of you delved into your pies, watching 3 movies (but the two of you talked instead throughout all the movies), and exchanged shy, bashful gazes the entire night.

And for the first time since Johnny realized that he liked you, keeping his feelings as background noice wasn’t possible anymore.

Because at one point when you laughed at something he had said, Johnny felt his heart skip and his tunnel vision set on you. The air smelled like key lime pie, Johnny’s favorite movie Inception played in the background, and his favorite sound sang through his ears. You laughed without a care in the world, face lit up, and smile wide enough your eyes were shut closed. Johnny’s breath catches in his throat. He couldn’t hear the tv or anything except your laugh and the sound of his heart beating, fast and erratic.

Breathtaking. You were absolutely breathtaking and he was completely caught up in it. Johnny knew in the pit of his gut he could stay like this forever, hearing and watching you laugh with nothing but happiness. Six minutes or sixty years, Johnny would love to hear you laugh for the rest of his life.

Love wasn’t easy for either of you to accept but it was worth it, because you fell slightly more in love every moment.

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enixamyram · 6 years

Text

Hey, guess what, I’ve found another screen rant I want to react to! I wasn’t planning to do any more but, reading through this article, I just have SO many problems with it... So Let’s do another, agree or disagree with a Screenrant article made by someone with no bias at all. (Sarcasm for the last part by the way.) So let’s see:

Agreed with this point. People act like, if the characters weren’t on screen then they disappeared or something. Maybe they were just living their own lives?

... I don’t even understand this article. Apparently this is 20 things people get wrong and this point is that the timeline can make sense, but then OP goes on to say “However, the more characters were introduced and the more worlds the characters ventured into, it became clearer and clearer that time didn't work the same way everywhere... However, in a world of fairytales, expecting anything more than that is simply asking too much. What does it matter, exactly, when some of these events took place as long as we know that they were a long time ago in a universe not at all like our own?”

Like, so that means this isn’t something people get wrong - the timeline DOESN’T make sense - so what the hell is it doing in this article? You can’t claim you’ve solved it just because you shrug and go “yeah but it’s magic so what do you expect?”

I mean the text directly conflicts the title/bullet point. Luckily I can still safely say I disagree, both with the title and the text because the timeline became f*cked, and just making an embarrassed shrugging face doesn’t change that.

I can’t even say disagree because this is just plain wrong! I don’t quite understand this writer. I can’t tell what they’re deal is, like did they just give a poor title to their article?

Season 1 - The Original Curse Season 2 - Belle and Sneezy lost their memories. Season 3 - Everyone lost a year. Season 5 - Camelot Season 6 - Emma lost her memories Season 7 - Another Curse.

Notice how I left out 4? Well this is where I’m getting confused because this is what OP had to say about Season 4: “While season four dabbled with alternate universes, memories were never wiped or reset in the way they were in every other season.”

... But their memories WERE wiped! They were essentially in a curse because their memories WERE wiped and they WERE given new identities just like the original curse. So yes, memory wipes did in fact happen every single season!

So I can’t agree or disagree because maybe some people do call Ruby a lesbian, but most everyone I talk to calls her bi... So I’ma just skip this one.

Note: She’s bi people. This is canon. If you don’t agree then tough shit.

Agreed, there’s plenty of other ways true love can be proven. TLK is probably just the most convenient, lol.

Kind of agree? I mean I think most people do know and acknowledge this but I guess it can sometimes escape people without realising in passing sentences?

This is true. It was a lame and terrible reveal that made no sense but it was revealed.

... Like, I’m getting confused again. Because this title either doesn’t fit or the writer lives under a rock because no one get’s this wrong! Everyone - rightfully - calls out Zelena for what she did. Even Zelena fans admit what she did was messed up!

... I do agree, I don’t think she made up for all the awful things she did and she definitely became “one of the team” way too quickly for my liking. (I’m hesitant because I suddenly have an idea what side of the fandom wrote this article and I can pretty much predict where it’s going.)

AND THERE IT IS!

DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE.

“Nothing says good guy like being an older man who takes advantage of a young girl, impregnates her, and lets her go to jail for crimes you yourself committed.” First off, we don’t know his age. Second, he didn’t ‘impregnant’ her. She got pregnant. It takes two to tango though I doubt the writer knows this. And third, Emma went to jail for HER crimes. Sorry, dear writer, but let me just fill you in. Aiding and abetting a fellow criminal IS A CRIME! Emma did wrong and she was punished for it. I don’t necessarily agree with what Neal did but he is not responsible for where Emma ended up.

“Even further, nothing says good guy like someone who mocks the woman he allegedly loves for the years of trauma, suffering, and scars she endured as a result of your callous, selfish behavior.” ... WHEN?!

“... Neal Cassidy became more and more like the selfish, frequently malicious parents who raised him.” ... Again, WHEN?! Like seriously, selfish maybe but malicious?!

“In no world would he have been the right man for Emma or a good father to Henry because he could never accept accountability for any of his many wrongdoings.” Except, you know, Neal knew Henry all of five minutes and was already dedicated to being a great dad to him and literally was WAY better at being a father to Henry than Hook ever was to the kid. And I added the Hook part because my God, the writer of this article couldn’t be more obvious a CS shipper if they had every sentence end with swans and pirate flags.

It’s amazing how, even dead, they’re still threatened by Neal’s character.

Maybe this was true in S6, but by S7 they had clearly retconned it, making the Wish Realm a very real place. Otherwise there’s a ton of plot holes and you’ve got to be a real idiot to say you’d rather accept plot holes than that the Wish Realm might actually be real.

(Also, just saying, another terrible title because what happened to Emma and Regina when they were in the Wish Realm very much DID happen. So again, really poor titles for this article that clearly doesn’t know what it’s point is.)

... She VIOLATED everyone’s minds by erasing their memories and TRIED TO MURDER ZELENA!

She may have had good intentions but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a villain for a season! Dude, have you never heard the phrase “the road to hell was paved with good intentions”?! I’ll defend Emma turning Hook into a Dark One for sure, but trying to completely ignore the awful things she did?! Jesus Christ!

Again... What? OP... Everyone already KNOWS this. This article is meant to be things people gets wrong but, honestly, I think OP’s the only idiot who gets things wrong at this point. So I’m once again torn because I agree with the statement but I don’t agree that this is something people get wrong.

*Sigh* OP’s giving me a migraine. Not because their statement is incorrect, but because all their reasoning is!

“Regina, as we know, went back and forth to points outside of Maine many times during the preceding 28 years.” It was actually explained, by Regina herself to Hook in Season 2, that because she (and he) had no cursed memories, crossing the town line would not affect them.

“Greg and Tamara are also able to cross the town lines, with Greg even remembering the tiny town for years and years after a traumatic encounter within it during his childhood.” Again. The town line affects people who ARE CURSED! This is made very clear! Henry can also cross the town line when he went to get Emma.

The title, once again, is misleading. People are able to leave - so long as they don’t CROSS THE TOWN LINE. That’s the part CURSED people are not able to do.

I’ve given up Agreeing and Disagreeing at this point. OP’s points are making my brain hurt so let’s just move on.

You’re right OP. It did serve a purpose. It’s purpose was to be a cash grab!

Apparently OP’s excuse is that Anna and Elsa helped Emma come into her own as a magic user? Like yeah, I’m calling bullshit. Emma had no problem using her magic until they brought Frozen in, then they made a whole storyline of Emma having problems just to justify having Elsa struggle and then help her with it.

And after they left they were barely even mentioned. So, again. NO PURPOSE. (Apart from a cash grab.)

Okay, so actually, I do agree. Regina is still Henry’s mum but the fact is, his adoption can’t be legal because Regina would need to have lied on her application and all the usual checks usually done for people wanting to adopt couldn’t possibly have happened.

I was going to agree on technicality but you know what? No.

DISAGREE!

Just because the couples aren’t perfect doesn’t make them toxic. (Using OP’s examples:) “Robin's relationship with Regina results in his being repeatedly assaulted and fathering a child as a result of that assault.” Wow, dude, wait to blame the girlfriend for some of the bad stuff that happened in Robin’s life. I sure feel sorry for whoever you end up with if this is how you see it. “Hook and Emma frequently lie to one another as well,” Lying does not equal a toxic relationship! Certain lies, maybe, but general lying is just what people do when they’re embarrassed or ashamed or upset. What counts is what you’re lying about and also whether or not you come clean about it.

The only one I’ll agree with is RumBelle but even then OP completely misses the reason WHY they’re a toxic relationship. Instead they generalise it into very un-toxic details.

... Again... Like... I agree with the statement but NO ONE GETS THIS WRONG!

OP is clearly just using this article as an excuse to bash Regina. And I’m not a Regina fan, but no, dude, if you’re gonna do this then make a “20 of the worst things Regina ever did” list. Not a “20 things people get wrong” and then list a bunch of things that one in ten people gets wrong!

And now OP’s repeating. Because I’m pretty sure this was covered in the 4th one? Like, agree. I guess. But it feels like OP was running out of things and figured Regina bashing again would be too obvious or something.

Okay. Now this is something a lot of people won’t agree with but... I do.

I agree the show was intended to be Emma’s story and that it then got popular and other characters got popular and it branched out into something more.

... However OP is still a colossus idiot because they ended on this sentence:

“It's what made the concept of a seventh season without almost any of the Charmings such a laughable concept - and such a colossal failure, as well.” And while Season 7 may not be the masterpiece I pretend it is to piss of anti’s, it is also far from the worst. OP just hates it because their fav wasn’t centre stage and they’re bitter as hell.

Wow this was probably the stupidest article yet. OP either clearly doesn’t know what they were meant to be doing (a list of things people often forget about the show) or they just wanted to make a list where they bitched a few points and couldn’t be bothered to think of a catchy title or reason why. Either way, OP’s an idiot and most of these points are ridiculously dumb.

#Once Upon A Time #Screen Rant #Agree Or Disagree #Ruby Lucas #Killian Jones #Zelena #Robin Hood #Anti Regina Mills #Neal Cassidy #The Wish Realm #Emma Swan #Anti Frozen Arc #Henry Mills #Anti RumBelle #Captain Swan #Outlaw Queen

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8147 · 6 years

Text

reading hamlet for the first time (act 5: the finale)

masterlist

none of you told me it was going to be this painful . none of you.

a5s1

“Ophelia’s dead.” “Enter CLOWNS!”

Like im sure this has a different meaning in EMA but im gonna make fun of it because it’s fucking hilarious. (future (present? (now past once more (?))) antares coming back to say i did look at nfs and yeah theyre gravediggers)

“First Clown: What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? Second Clown: The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.” damn not even just this one quote but these are some depressing clowns

hamlet and horatio!

okay there’s something about all of hamlet’s skull talk that makes me uneasy. like, not even the topic, just something in the words and how earnestly and (pardon my pun) gravely hamlet’s speaking about this. and it’s almost a mournful tune, too. it’s a huge difference from his “we’ll all be eaten by the same worms” speech to the point that it’s almost haunting.

“HAMLET: I will speak to this fellow.” C O N F R O N T

“HAMLET: I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.” (incomprehensible scribbling)

HAMLET, NOT IN ENGLAND: oh yeah lol he was sent to england huh u know why lmao

wait. did the. did the pirate situation get resolved. before act V.

I mean i think hamlet mentioned something about three years but the pirates are so fucking glossed over like what the fuck

“First Clown: 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.” HOLY SHIT ROAST THEM JFC

“HAMLET: Let me see. (Takes the skull)” THIS IS THE SKULL SCENE! I fucking KNEW it was bullshit that holding the skull was in the to be/not to be speech. I saw it being presented as such like once or twice while reading and I KNEW IT

hm okay so hamlet picks up this guys skull, of someone he used to know, and sure maybe i could ignore the “those lips i have kissed” but then he goes on to mention alexander the great and i mean come on

but jesus like i feel like im not doing justice to the stuff hamlet’s saying. just, the gravity of it all. Its kinda hitting home a bit hard bc like ive had a crippling fear of what happens after death and being forgotten etc since i was like in fourth grade and this is @ing that phobia

like, with that julius ceasar thing. “O that that earth which kept the world in awe / should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw,” it’s so strange. like, every fucking human who has lived, whether they be emperors, murderers, inventors, peasants, or philanthropists- as long as they weren’t blind, they’ve all looked at the same sky. like. It doesnt matter what the fuck you did or didn’t. It’s wild.

“First Priest: No more be done: We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls.” hey i get that there are cultural taboos around suicide but like this guy’s a dick it isnt even clear if it was suicide, like, she was so fucking crazy she might not have even known she was, y’know, in a lake or w/e

laertes, dude, my guy. maybe jumping into a grave is cosmic foreshadowing for something you don’t want to happen to you. js.

“HAMLET: [Advancing] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I, Hamlet the Dane. (Leaps into the grave)” hamlet is NOT one to be out-extra’d (posting-antares here to say, wait, ‘whose phrase of sorrow conjures the stars? is this my aesthetic-speeches-summon-ghosts theory? probably not, but i havent mentioned it for a while)

“LAERTES: The devil take thy soul! (Grappling with him)” IN A FUCKING GRAVE. THEY ARE FIGHTING. IN A GRAVE.

all because hamlet doesn’t want to be out-extra’d. my god.

“QUEEN GERTRUDE: This is mere madness: And thus awhile the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclosed, His silence will sit drooping.” Ah yes gertie just talk about the distraught and angry madman as if he isn’t there. that’ll diffuse the situation.

You know what? We still haven’t discussed the pirates.

a5s2

“HAMLET: So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other; You do remember all the circumstance?” If this isn’t gonna be about the pirates im gonna. scream.

“HAMLET: My fears forgetting manners, to unseal Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,-- O royal knavery!--an exact command, Larded with many several sorts of reasons Importing Denmark's health and England's too, With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life, That, on the supervise, no leisure bated, No, not to stay the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off.” god, though. imagine that. being exiled to another country by the person who killed your father, only to find out that they were going to have you killed, anyways. that’s fucking terrifying. jesus christ.

Damn this idea that pretty handwriting is ~beneath~ nobles confuses me so fucking much. I got called haughty once just because my main handwriting is cursive. I mean, they were right, but their evidence was circumstantial at best.

“HAMLET: That, on the view and knowing of these contents, Without debatement further, more or less, He should the bearers put to sudden death, Not shriving-time allow'd.” Hamlet’s Revenge.

but also, what the fuck, dude. two wrongs dont make a right.

damn i kinda lost myself while reading but it really doesn’t sound like hamlet’s insane anymore. Like he’s… tempered himself. he doesn’t feel insane, just solemn.

“OSRIC: Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark. HAMLET: I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?” goddamn ROAST HIM HAMLET (also what a fucking mood)

Osric put on your fucking ha--

The wind is

The wind is northerly

“HAMLET: No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.” I remember someone saying that this is important

Okay here: “HAMLET: I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

oh no

Osric just wear ur fucking hat u doof

“OSRIC: Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as 'twere,--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,-- HAMLET: I beseech you, remember-- (HAMLET moves him to put on his hat)” excuse me a WAGER

but alas all hamlet cares about is osric’s fucking hat

“HAMLET: What's his weapon? OSRIC: Rapier and dagger. HAMLET: That's two of his weapons: but, well.” hamlet u sarcastic little shit i love you

I mean so is horatio. I love him too.

This stuff with the competition is. not gonna end well. not at well.

“HAMLET: I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter.”

hamlet no. listen to your heart or whatever. jesus christ don’t do it.

“HORATIO: Nay, good my lord,--” HAMLET LISTEN TO HORATIO

Ohhh hamlet

okay reading what laertes said, you know what? i’m giving laertes one last chance. please do not prove me a fool, laertes.

everything is giving me mad anxiety. e v e r y t h i n g.

claud’s speech is insanely sketchy

“KING CLAUDIUS: [Aside] It is the poison'd cup: it is too late.” One, so that’s why it was sketchy. Two, the POISONED CUP?

IT’S TOO LATE?

Gertie’s. Dead.

Shit, shit, shit

“LAERTES: [Aside] And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.” YES! SO PLEASE! STOP FIGHTING!

“LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES.” Oh no oh no oh jeez eheu they’re hurting each other, shit, fuck,

“LAERTES: ...woodcock…”

“KING CLAUDIUS: She swounds to see them bleed. QUEEN GERTRUDE: No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,-- The drink, the drink! I am poison'd. (Dies)” one, i love how claud is desperatley trying to stick to the plan, its almost adorable in a childish sort of way. two, oh god. ohhh god. gertie.

Oh no.

this is the bloodbath. THIS IS THE BLOODBATH.

BODY COUNT: 1

“HAMLET: The point!--envenom'd too! Then, venom, to thy work. (Stabs KING CLAUDIUS)” ...

BODY COUNT: 2

wait and hamlet’s on death row, as with laertes. Oh no.

“LAERTES: He is justly served; It is a poison temper'd by himself. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me. (Dies)’ oh my god already??? I haven’t even really accepted king claud’s death?? jesus christ??

My friend just sorta nudged me and asked if i was alright and i. I’m not. i’m in shock. goddamn. what?

BODY COUNT: 3

goodness thats three in like less than thirty seconds JESUS CHRIST

“HAMLET: Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.I am dead, Horatio.” that’s chilling. just, the poignancy. that’s so fucking spectral. i’m not okay.

“HORATIO: Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane: Here's yet some liquor left.” No no no on no nononon NO NO oh my god are you going to-

“HAMLET: As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. … If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.” hey i’m crying in study hall. i’m actually crying. what the fuck. I don’t cry unless i’m thinking about that one pair of 18th century shoes with the really good photo quality (transcribing-antares here. I fucking love those shoes. I’m looking at them right now and they’re so fucking beautiful. they look how velvet feels, which is odd, bc they're apparently silk. I don’t care they’re just so fucking lovely)

F O R T I N B R A S?

“HAMLET: O, I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit.” I’ve identified my emotion. Dread. pure, unadulterated Dread.

for all of you that’ve listened to the penumbra podcast: do you remember the concierge, right before final resting place, saying “you do realize you can just like, leave, and everything will be hunky dory and you won’t have to deal with the emotional consequences this episode will bring you” because i’m seriously considering doing that right now.

“HAMLET: The rest is silence. (Dies)” shit. (posting-antares here to say that i forgot to do the body count but honestly im crying while formating because of this goddamn fucking 400 year old play)

“HORATIO: Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince…” oh god. horatio.

“Good night sweet prince…”

(yet again tis transcribing-antares here to say that im fucking sobbing right now, the shoes are no match for this, and ‘goodnight sweet prince’ is actually never going to leave my head.) (editing-antares here to say im fucking crying again god fucking damn it) (posting-antares back again saying that this fucking line. this line. my god.)

“HORATIO: What is it ye would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.” oh, horatio. god. that isn’t something said without tears staining your skin and a bitter tone hard-won, not that its possession is a victory.

oh my god. this can’t. no. this can’t end like this. What. no. people must have rioted. No. no!!

i typically hate it but i would GLADLY accept a deus ex machina right about now!!

okay my friend just took my phone away from me and shut it off because i kept on trying to scroll past the end

jesus christ

okay so i’m not going to be okay for like, several eternities, so im going to play the sims until i. until i die, probably. my god.

masterlist

#shush antares #antares reads hamlet #thE PIRATES WERE NEVER ADDRESSED #also im crying but im STILL ANGRY #mostly in shock tho

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myvoicenottheoneyougiveme · 4 years

Text

I need to keep a tally of the number of times a day you veer left and right to hold up your teetering house of cards.

But if I speak up once a week right here... I’m suddenly, actually the one exerting monumental force in a colossal effort to rewrite reality as it stands. As though that’s not “this” (your game) every second of every day, day in and day out multiple times a day, over and over and over and over and over and over again.

A never ending tumble. Something you CANT leave alone. Someone you can’t leave alone. A reflection you can’t leave alone. A source and a dumpster. A scapegoat for you to use to aggrandize yourself and your victimhood.

You’ll excuse me if I read absolutely zero sincerity coming from someone just trying to get me to bend over and take “this”. You’ll excuse me if your actions speak louder than your words. You’ll excuse me if I read your attempts as nothing more than ploys to regain leverage on me. You mean what you say for five seconds before you don’t immediately get the reactions you want. When you “give” the way you always did, it is “instrumental”. You’re out to get a payoff. You don’t mean anything. You just want to “get”. Control, attention, affection, dominance over your source of supply and a reinforcement of the channel into which you dump everything in your reflection you want to distance yourself from.

You saw me “taking an interest” in a character I haven’t gotten to know at all, who has the same appeal as any character in her vein, perhaps even more so than the one she’s contrasted with. You then made a play with the feed. It was far too subtle, but there were a few stops there. All I saw was someone teeing me up for what came next. Rather than a genuine admission of fault or a sign of accountability (LOL) by the nebulous and insincere being behind “this”, you were opportunistically trying to capitalize on an opening, and you didn’t get the reaction you wanted.

The only way for you to deal with that fact, the only way for you to ever deal with rejection or invalidation is to make me into something or someone less than human. It was too subtle, in the first place, if you ask me. But it’s not like the door was exactly open to you all things considered. But the vibe, the pattern was illuminated by contrast with what came next. So, now that you’ve made some great display for 5 seconds as being the one who gets on their knees and “gives” and makes concessions and isn’t actually the taker/trampler in “this” picture--OH BABY FORGIVE ME, [keeps scrolling]--now you have a foothold or solid ground from which to launch your next move. Cause I clicked and SAVED that picture.

Rejecting the “sincere” (wink wink) attempts to.... well do what exactly? Isn’t that where the wheels fall off? Actions, louder than words. But in the reality where you’ve made some kind of bullshit-sorry scratch-heartfelt plea, the person that denies you has to no right to, is that what you’re telling me? No one has a right to say “no” to you, is that what you’re telling me? OH, but you slithered into the ether behind the screen and donned the caricature; you GIVE so much...

The person that means anything they give, is the one capable of taking “no” for an answer. What is truly selfless is given without thought of reward. What is truly meant, is meant regardless of the response you get. How many times? How many times when you would disappoint or reject or say “not now”, did I ever meltdown and call you names?

The one that stands out to me the most? What I was meant to believe was some kind of genuine moment of connection, like so many before it. How many times? I remember this time because it was the first time I’d heard that group in years. “Come on come on... I’m taking you home. No one, no one belongs here more than you.”

AWW, NO THATS OK

Oh. Well, then I guess I’ll, see you tomorrow?

But I digress... by virtue of the fact that you made a momentary selfie of a display, you could now say that the fact that I saw that and didn’t return an affection in kind... Oh, what a taker I am. Oh, how I just squeeze the life out of you. Oh, feed me feed me. Make me feel wonderful. Lift me up.

DA KING

Like I received it at all in the first place, or like it makes me feel any kind of anything when it’s coming from someone as disingenuous as you. Oh, but it was given, and I saw it and I... I what? Rejected it? No no no, you, you downloaded that picture GRRRR. Ya, I downloaded a piece of fan art off the internet. And from this piece, you can extrapolate an entire new me, an entire straw man against which you can cast yourself in contrast. You’re gonna tell me what things are, tell me what I think about them, tell me what they mean to me, tell me who I am. Which makes you, what? That’s right. And I don’t even mean the implied meaning of that sentence there, where you’re head is so big, you know me better than I know myself. I mean precisely what I’ve been describing. You tell me, you shout it from the rooftops and on the hillsides before the whole world, and that makes you.... NOT that. Not whatever you are pointing and screaming about me. You get to be NOT the thing you paint me as when you paint me as that.

Make me one thing, makes you another thing.

That’s my whole point. “This” can never end. What you get out of “this”, is myriad, but it’s simply allowing you to bolster a reflection about yourself at someone else’s expense. Your colossal never-ending exertion day in and day out every moment of every day, every chance you get multiple times a day.... SERIOUSLY, if I’m such an awful evil terrible person, WHY would you seek to POSSESS me? Oh, well, I just, it’s just my tragic flaw. Oh, I’m such a victim, I can’t help being drawn to destructive men. Oh, everyone see, see, I’m so helplessly enamored with this guy that rejects me and tells me how awful I am and all these terrible terrible lies. Oh me oh my. Feel sorry for me, everyone.

“This” can go in so many directions but every single one, is where you get to play the victim. For every turn there’s a reversal, and we need only NEVER look at how the rules the rest of us live by don’t apply to you. We need not ever look at what YOU are doing to me. No no no. We can’t have that. Then you’re naming me the very same person that’s in your mirror as you’re being that person.

You do “this” to me. You stalk me. You harass me. You wage a colossal effort with so many moving parts... to? To what? OH, I’m just protecting myself. I’m just holding YOU, that’s right, YOU accountable. I’m sorry, are we in a “relationship”? Are we anything? No, but but ...Ok, all you do is scream and point fingers endlessly, day in and day out. You live to lift yourself up on that throne of lies and to rope in as many people as you possibly can. You sure you don’t need “this”? You sure you don’t need to feel powerful and in control? Who is “this” for? Who? You are constantly scratching and clawing and trying to get attention back on yourself and to create openings and to improvise anything and everything you can to empower yourself and to justify yourself and to give you license to be GOD on earth... for WHAT? For WHO?

Every second you have access to me is another second you can spend flailing around on the ground like someone having a seizure at the scene of a car crash. (This is a joke people say sometimes, “I’ll practice my twitching and drooling”.) EVERYONE EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION TO YOU. Oh, oh oh, how awful. Oh, my, what has he done this time my dear? She drove headlong fullspeed into the side of my... SHUTUP NOBODY ASKED YOU, we were asking HER.

I mean you could make a rear-end collision somehow the driver-in-front-of-you’s fault. And what’s worse? I’m somehow obligated to you. I owe you, someone I’ve said “no” to. I’m not moving. I’m not moving. I’m not opening the door. I want nothing to do with you. I’m not trapping you making your life a prison or trying to squeeze a damned thing out of you as I say it either. I’m simply DONE. So, when you get a running start and break your poor wittle neck diving head first into a closed door? Oh, that’s just MORE PROOF. MORE PROOF. See, look what he’s done to our princess! See, her broken body!

This rant brought to you by, a singular instance of worn patience and/or a chosen battle. But if I speak up at all, suddenly I’m doing everything you’re doing to me every second of every day, day in and day out.

I have to be the parts of your reflection you don’t want. I have to be guilty of the things you’re actually responsible for and then some, so you never have to hold yourself accountable. It’s a power trip. It’s a damned ego trip.

The moment I, I exert any effort in trying to pry you, PSYCHO, off of my neck, I’m suddenly to blame for everything that’s actually... you. As though you weren’t doing any of these things. You, by virtue of being the one shouting the longest and the loudest and the most often, you take all attention off of your insecurities and put them on your scapegoat. You get all the attention you want and none that you don’t. But it’s yourself you’re hiding from. You get to feel like someone else. You get to feel like the victim.

To rewrite reality, to hide from your own reflection, requires and CONSTANT never-ending stream of mirroring. To maintain your self-regard and protect yourself from your own insecurities, you mount a colossal effort to never EVER face up to what you don’t want to face up to. Just the act of attacking me whether you get anything from me or not, cause it’s all the time, all the time, never stops. Everywhere all the time. Just the act of attacking me is solidifying your reflection. It doesn’t matter if it never pans out. It doesn’t matter if it’s never true. It doesn’t matter. You are playing a never-ending perpetual-motion game of hopscotch when the floor in the cracks is lava. It’s a race to outrun what you can’t ever actually finally outrun for good, yourself.

You have to fight and scratch and claw and live and breathe “This” game you play on my life, because it’s how you regulate yourself and your own emotional states. “This” house of cards WILL blow over without a constant never ending input from you and those you conscript. It’s both outside in the reflections you get, but it’s inside more than anything.

I don’t need to know you or what you’re thinking, to see and know what you’re doing. It’s a frantic desperate, never-ending effort of such massive proportions to, in lieu of squeezing me for all the time and attention you can get, making me something you can set yourself in contrast with. ...All day, every day, it’s the same thing, over and over and over and over again. Possess, own, dominate, control, coerce, extort, manipulate... scratch and claw and beat down and... I reject you. I deny you. I said “no” to you. I said, “get help” and we’ll come back at another time. We have to work on ourselves. We can’t do “this”. You didn’t take “no” for an answer. You escalated.

But I’m really not convinced, “this” ever amounted to anything in reality. But still, even if I suspend my disbelief for a moment... you didn’t take “no” for an answer. And every rejection, every sting of invalidating rejection, puts you into a position you can’t be in, face to face with all of your insecurities and all of the things that have ever gone wrong for you in relationships that you CANT bear any responsibility in. The more I don’t budge, the more the wall pushes back, the more adamant I’ve been forced to become, the more I’ve attempted then to hold up a mirror to your psycho behavior because you WONT FUCKING STOP, then the more you have to HAVE TO make me into some kind of villain. What other choice do you have? Sink into all of your self-loathing despair? Come face to face with all of your negative self-talk and all the ways you actually blame yourself? But it’s all or nothing. It’s always all or nothing. It’s always 1 or 0. One of us is everything wrong with the world (not because either of us necessarily actually is), and it sure as hell isn’t going to be you. That’s the zero sum game you’re playing with yourself. There is hatred and loathing and blame blame blame, and SOMEONE has to bear it.

It’s the conversation between Max Caulfield and Chloe Price. Someone HAS TO BE RESPONSIBLE, HAS TO BE TO BLAME, because otherwise it’s her fault. That’s completely between her and herself. That’s not coming from anyone but herself. That absolutely ZERO SUM game. ...Trauma.

I don’t care if you’re a narcissist or anything. I only care that you’re abusive, and that I can’t stand you. Someone has to be the sacrifice for everything wrong in your YOUR world because of this false choice. What you get out of “this” in lieu of “supposedly” an interest in ME of all people, is a scapegoat for what otherwise is eating you alive every second of every day.

Direct it at me then, that’s what happens. Direct it at me then. Let your rage and hatred and anger and toxic caustic bile that’s destroying you, instead destroy me. Because it’s bubbling up every second of every day, you’re bubbling up passing it all on directly to me. “This” monumental effort to install a new reality, to hold up a house of cards, every second of every day, unrelenting, without end. Put it on me, force it down my throat, cast yourself as the victim and everything right with “this” picture. Gaslight me. Triangulate everyone within reach.

Everything, everything. And you sleep around, but I’m an awful sleazy horny piece of shit. Cause you can’t be a whore. You name it, if it’s a part of you and it makes you feel badly (whether warranted or not), I have to be it. Stalker names STALKER. Stalker director of “this” show names, BAD TRAMPLER OF BOUNDARIES. BEWARE everyone, don’t give him the wrong idea, you won’t be rid of him. You, you, you say this. You the person doing “this” says this. But that’s why you refer so frequently. Because that’s your reflection every second of every day.

I am the means, the vehicle to you managing your reflection. When you’re feeling any kind of way, you regulate it through me. You will have your way with me. You will get whatever you want from me, and you will not be denied. And you will not be held responsible for your own actions, and you will not be told no, and you will not be told that what you’re doing is wrong, and you will not be held accountable for the harm you knowingly inflict. What you get is as myriad as what your aim is at any given relative moment, but the pattern is simple...

You want love and affection and attention the same as anyone else, and you have deep wounds that torment you. The first is an attempt to medicate the second. Whether from failure at the first or skipping straight to the second, it all HAS TO BE REGULATED through SOMEONE. Something, someone outside of yourself. Whether that’s gathering as many people as possible to yourself at any given moment and wielding power that way over your reflection or scapegoating me. There are simply things in the reflection you get from me that you CANT deal with. Whether that’s rejection or calling you out for being abusive and daring to put a label on it as if it needed it.

Every second of every day, you are attempting to right the ship. Every second of every day is an attempt to reverse reality, whatever part of it is making you feel especially insecure and down on yourself at any given moment. All of “this” is to get out of me what you NEED to soothe and regulate yourself at any given moment. In lieu of getting a one-sided one-way street kind of relationship where you are bathed in love and affection as though I were your parent and you not obligated to behave like a human being or maintain any semblance whatsoever of a balanced reciprocal ANYTHING (relationship?! LOL), you put on me the darkness you then otherwise feel between you and yourself.

Zero-sum. False choice. You the evil awful terrible object that is everything wrong with the world because that’s the infantile state you would be otherwise reduced to. Instead of being to blame for being rejected, harmed, invalidated, neglected, instead of being the object of your own rage, you place me there.

There are many stories, I want to finally finish. Life is Strange being one of them. But I’m never going to forget that bit from that conversation. About half-way through, in the truck, friend trying to talk sense into her. Blaming everyone, blaming the whole world, putting all on everyone else... why? Because the only alternative was to feel that toward herself.

Trauma. Zero-sum. And that was your chosen representation/character and point of identification.

You don’t have to have a fancy psychological label to be doing this. People are so much more complicated than that. And there’s a long gradient between fully self-aware and just being completely reactive chaos playing out a pathological pattern. The difference between you and your partner in crime (literally) is marked, always was.

But you are torturing me. You are killing me. You have been for years.

Zero-sum.

The lengths you go to, it’s zero-sum. Not because it is, but because that’s how you experience it. Because the pain and the trauma you carry necessitates it, “this” is how you cope.

0 notes

mother-suho · 7 years

Text

Last One Standing (1)

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader (in future parts)

Genre: Angst (fluff in future)

Warning: blood, murder, guns, fighting, swearing (lol)

Word Count: 3.3k~3.4k

Backstory: Your family has been running a corrupt business for years on end, and everyone wants them dead, specifically the mafia. Once they’re all finally dead, you are the last target.

p.s.: its ot9 ft. kris

Gunshots went off throughout your house, this wasn’t the first time though. You heard the screams of family members panicking to find a place to hide, but they were always too late. Your house was never peaceful, you’ve witnessed the deaths of many here, yet when faced with a gun people would never pull the trigger on you. So you decided to stay in the open hallway, they’d never kill you. If they really wanted too, they would’ve killed you 13 years ago when you were born.

Lost in your thoughts, your mother came running at you, “Sweetie you have to hide, don’t stay out here.” You heard the trembling of her voice, she pulled you by the arm but you wouldn’t budge. “Go on Y/N, you’re not safe here.”

“Hide without me mom. I promise I’ll be okay, please don’t make me hide,” you ripped her hand off your arm. “Go hide in my room, no one goes in there.” You felt her hesitate at first, “Go or you will die.” You never really knew why people kept killing your family, it was a constant occurrence. Why no one killed you, was also a wonder of yours. Tonight, you didn’t want to lose your mother to the monsters who invaded your house, but you knew that these were your last moments with her. You saw the fear take over her when she took a quick glance behind you. It was one of the men, you remembered him from the atmosphere that surrounded you. He was scared, but he had a job to do, to kill till you were the only one left. There was nothing you could do to stop him, murder seems to be the fate of the people you love.

Tears started rolling down her face, “I love you Y/N,” she said trying her best to remain calm. “I love you, I’m so sorry for what you have to see all the time,” she kissed your forehead. You gave her a hug, “I love you too, now please go.” You said hearing the sound of the gun cocking. The last thing you wanted to see was the complete horror of your mother’s face as a bullet came at her. “Go!” You yelled at her, with tears now flowing from your eyes. She didn’t move, does she not understand that you won’t die?

She stared at you with apologetic eyes, her daughter should not be exposed to such violence, to the sounds of murder, and the cries and screams of her family. At this moment she wished she didn’t birth you and your brother into this life of hell. Now here her daughter stands about to watch her mother die with her own eyes. She knew they wouldn’t touch you, she wanted you to hide from what will happen, your mother wanted this. She can’t handle this fraudulent life, she can’t handle the multiple deaths she’s witnessed, the blood she would have to clean up, the bodies she would have to dispose of, and most importantly she could no longer tolerate the incessant abuse by your father. Finally turning around and taking a few more steps, the sound of a gun went off and a bullet hit her right in the back, another skimmed her neck, and as she was going down, the final bullet hit her in the head. She was now at peace.

“Why didn't you listen to me?” You looked at your mothers dead body, anger took over you. “WHY DIDN’T YOU LISTEN TO ME! I SAID GO OR YOU WILL DIE!” A puddle of blood started to surround your feet, you turned around to face the killer, his gun pointed right at you. “Are you going to do it? You’ve had two other chances, is third the charm?” He put his gun down and tuned around.

“Beware little girl,” he said walking away, “death will always be knocking on your door.”

11 years later...

“You’re doing amazing! Just relax your body a little bit.” Your trainer said while you were fighting another student of his. Taking in what he said you were able to gain the upper hand. You brought your leg under your opponent’s, once he lost his balance, you pinned him to the ground on his stomach. Then wrapping your arm around his neck, a surge of rage came over you. Tightening your grip, you were starting to obstruct his airways. So concentrated on hurting him, you didn't even notice him trying to tap out. No one is allowed to hurt you, not anymore.

The faint yelling from others became louder, and louder. “Y/N STOP! LET GO!” Your trainer was yelling at you trying to tear you off the almost passed out man. Once separated you finally came to your senses, you put your head down, “I’m sorry Minseok,” you said ashamed of what you’ve done. “Don’t apologize to me, Y/N, you could’ve really hurt this guy. You need to calm the fuck down. What is this like the fifth time you’ve done this? This seriously needs to stop.” He sighed and walked away.

You approached the man, who was now breathing normally. He walked closer to you, you felt the anger radiating off his body. “I’m sorry,” You apologized looking down again.

“I’m not going to accept your bullshit apology. You’re a wealthy cunt, who does not give a shit about anyone,” He said getting in your face. “You know what, you’re a fucking psycho. This crazy bitch needs help.” He announced to the whole room. “Every person here is terrified of you because you’re insane.”

“Excuse me?” You looked at him enraged. “You are a worthless mental...” and before he could finish his sentence you pushed him to the ground. Getting on top of him, you gave him a hard punch to his face, “YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!” The sound of his nose cracking startled everyone surrounding you. “IF YOU WANT TO START SHIT, YOU BETTER KNOW HOW TO FUCKING FINISH IT! FUCK YOU!” Others watching were scared to stop you afraid they’d be your next victim. You threw one last punch to his jaw wanting to continue, until you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist and rip you off the man. “YOU KNOW NOTHING!” You yelled thrashing in Minseok’s tight grip.

“Everyone is dismissed for today! That’s it Y/N, you’re done!” Minseok yelled out loud, dragging you to the stairwell of the building.

Once the door closed he pushed your body against the cement wall, and held your arms above you, “Listen Y/N, you can’t go fucking off on people like that. I know more about you then you think I do. Don’t go making things personal.”

“I don’t know what your talking about,” you scoffed rolling your eyes. “Now if you don’t let me go, I’ll beat the shit out of you too.” You were fuming at this point.

“Y/N, I saw the way you looked at him when he called you all those nasty names, you completely changed. You’re not here to learn self-defense, you want to hurt people. I can see it in your eyes when you fight, you want to cause pain. Do you see how many customers I’ve lost because of you? You scare people, you look so innocent I’d never guess you could hurt someone, let alone murder.” He said with a smirk on his face. “I must admit though, you’re quite the killer.”

You felt intimidated, he knows what you do, he might even work for someone you killed. Anything was possible, getting this close to an enemy was dangerous. “Let go of me.” You viciously demanded.

“Y/N don’t get mad at me, I’m not going to hurt you,” he was being honest with you, but for all knew this could be a trap. He pushed his hips into yours when he felt you struggling under his grip. “Stop Y/N, just listen to me. I can help you, I’ll kill anyone that wants you dead.”

You looked at him in disbelief, “You know shit, and you sure as hell can’t do shit.”

“Do I need to explain what I know about you, I think that’ll be rather overwhelming. Hm, let’s start off with your brother or is that subject a little too hard for you?” Thats when he noticed it, you whole demeanor changed, the air around him intensified. Making eye contact, you saw him shiver slightly.

“You better shut your fucking mouth, before you become my next victim.”

“Rough topic, I see. You’re really making me look like a bad guy here. You can trust me for god’s sake, I’m on your side Y/N.”

“What the fuck do you want from me? Do you need money? Because I’ll give you some. If you want to kill me, you might as well go for it. I clearly have nothing to defend myself with.”

“Neither of those.” Minseok assured you. “Not sure if you’ve heard of this group, but I am apart of EXO. We’ve seen your work, and we were wondering if you were willing to become one of us. We aren’t out for you, or your money. You are very skilled in fighting and weaponry, you’d be a great addition. There are other reasons for our interest in you, but I’m not the one to explain them.” He said, releasing your arms and backing away.

“You truly know nothing about me if you’d think I’d work with the mafia.” You replied to his proposal laughing. “I just want to let you know, murdering people is not my hobby, I don’t do this for fun. I don’t do this for credit among other people. I kill to survive, I kill people like you.”

“I know you don’t have a great history with the mafia, but believe me when I say this. There’s more people out there after you than you can handle. You’re very strong, training you for the past couple years has been an interesting, and a very rewarding experience. But to think of letting you take all these people head on with no help, it kills me Y/N. With help, I promise you’ll be much safer.” You could tell by his tone he was being genuine. “I can show you where we run our business, one of the other members is outside waiting for us.”

You looked at him confused, “Why do you care so much about me?”

Minseok stared into your eyes, “I know your pain Y/N. I know what its like to be alone, and surrounded by danger. I can’t let you face this danger by yourself. At some point, you’re going to realize your all alone, you’re going to break down, you’ll be extremely vulnerable, and thats when everyone will attack. If you could just trust me the slightest, I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”

You sighed, “Fine. You’re convincing enough, let’s go, I will trust you for now.” Right as you said those words Minseok’s face lit up, you followed him down the stairs to see a black SUV waiting for you outside.

“Our chariot awaits us,” he said opening the door to the car letting you get in first, and following after.

You were greeted by the driver, “It’s nice to finally meet you Y/N! You’re very famous among our group. My name is Chanyeol.” He smiled at you looking through the rear view mirror. You looked at him oddly, you’ve seen his face before.

“You look very familiar...” You stared at him intently, he gulped not looking back you. “Your unease is apparent, calm down.”

“You’ve probably noticed him during one of your outings, I told you we’ve seen your work.” Minseok said what Chanyeol was to afraid to say.

“Do you watch everything I do?” You asked, “Why do you guys want me to be apart of EXO so badly? What is it about me?”

“First off you are so skilled it’s amazing to see you fight,” Chanyeol spoke up focusing on the road ahead of him. “Also there are things men can’t do that women can, I’ve seen you seduce men before, and may I say it’s quite the scene. You get them wrapped around your finger so easily, its like you hypnotize them or something. You are also skilled with using poison, if anyone from EXO attempted to use it we’d probably kill ourselves by accident.” He said laughing. He sure knows how to talk, you thought to yourself. “Our leader has ordered us to protect you, to be honest you seem capable enough of taking care of yourself. We watch you closely, you have perfect aim with a gun, you are always aware of your surroundings, your knife skills are amazing too.” He says smiling wide, “You’re a total package it’s a shame though, that you live in constant chaos. Just know, there is no need to be suspicious of us, we have no intentions of killing or hurting you in anyway. Minseok, and a few others from Exo were really concerned for your safety lately, that we’ve decided to invite you to the group.”

You looked at him confused, “Why are you ordered to protect me? I only know Minseok, who else could be worried about me?”

Minseok spoke up, “We can’t tell you why Y/N, thats none of our business. To answer your other questions, aside from noticing our faces occasionally, you know some of our members personally. Most of our group doubted that you would agree to coming with us, so it will be a nice surprise for everyone. I’m sure you’ll figure out who you know when we get to the bakery, they’re all waiting for your arrival.”

For a few more minutes the car drove in silence. Chanyeol hummed to the songs on the radio, and Minseok went on his phone. Soon enough, the van pulled into a hidden garage. You became a bit anxious, they better not pull something on you, even if you’re unarmed you are still able to fight.

“We park here for safety reasons,” Chanyeol responded sensing your wariness. “Like I said, there is no reason to be suspicious of us Y/N.” He got out of the van, opening the your door.

“Thank you Chanyeol,” you said lowly. Minseok opened a door leading to the main building waiting for you follow him. You walked through a few rooms filled with weapons, and stolen items, ranging from jewelry to famous artworks. The doors you walked through were secured with with passwords and fingerprint scanners. “Why would you keep this stuff behind your store? Anyone could easily get through your security and take your stuff.” You spoke.

Minseok laughed, “This is a cover-up. All this trash that you walked through, is fake or it doesn’t work. We’d never put ourselves through this much danger, we do legit business from a whole different building. Sometimes we turn the guns into bombs, put them in a cake, and then deliver them to people we want dead. We have to be creative so people don’t suspect us of something. To answer your security comment, if you didn’t kill the people who set up your security, then maybe ours would be better.”

“I killed them for that exact reason,” you replied. “Every human is weak and when put in the hands of death they will do anything they can do to get out of it. There’s an exception though, for the people like us who always encounter death. If I didn’t kill them, someone else would threaten them, in which they would’ve released my information, you understand?”

He nods his head. “The final door,” Minseok announced opening it to the bakery. “Welcome to Exo!” He exclaimed. You walked further into the room, turning the corner you were greeted by a group of 6 more men sitting at a table. Those with their backs against you turned around noticing your presences. None of these men looked as if they were apart of the mafia, they all stared at you with smiles on their faces. “These are the men that run this place,” Minseok said walking ahead of you with Chanyeol following behind. You looked at each face, noticing one of the nine was smiling more than the others.

“Junmyeon...” Your mouth spilled out his name, you looked at him shocked. You haven’t seen him since you were sixteen, he used to be your next door neighbor, until his family saw the danger your family brought to the neighborhood.

“It’s been a while,” he said approaching you, “I’m so happy to see you, we really need to catch up.” He gave you a big hug, tears were rimming his eyes, “I’m sorry for leaving you, and us having to meet under these circumstances.”

You hugged him back, letting go of all your emotions, this is not how you imagined to be reunited with him. You weren’t supposed to be weak around these men and here you are crying into Junmyeon’s chest. He looked after you when you were young, he was one of your brother’s best friends that knew of your life. How else were you supposed to react after being alone for so long? You couldn’t stop crying, you couldn’t let go, you didn’t want him to ever leave you again.

Minseok was worried, he’s never seen you like this, nor Junmyeon. Noticing this Chanyeol whispered in his ear, “How is she going to react when she see’s Kyungsoo?”

Minseok whispered back, “I can only think much worse, Kyungsoo will probably leave before she has the chance to see him though. He was angry enough when I started training her, and after finding out she agreed to coming here, he’ll probably kill one of us.”

Chanyeol looked at him confused, “Why did he even join the mafia?”

Minseok couldn’t tell Chanyeol the truth, not here at least. “To protect her from a distance, but that’s no longer possible, there are way to many people after her now.” This wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the actual reason. Only a few new the origin of EXO, it wasn’t necessarily a secret, rather painful to speak of. “He doesn’t want her knowing he’s apart of this business, since the mafia killed a majority of her family...” Minseok thought for a moment before continuing, “I don’t think she’ll be mad at him though, doesn’t seem to be that way with Suho right now, but then again their relationships are different.” Looking at you truly hurt him to watch. He walked over to the table of men and waved for them to leave the room.

Junmyeon rubbed your back feeling you shake in his arms, all the memories of you shared with him hit you. The nights where he’d hug you like this, comforting you from the screams of profanity from your father, along with the nonstop threats of abuse, and the the sounds of him hurting your brother. He was the cause of your anxiety, not the mafia, but your own father. With your mother gone, you had nothing to be happy about, the only people that looked after you was your brother and his two friends, but your brother’s gone. He was killed by your father, right in front of his friends. Amongst all the deaths you’ve witnessed, his hurt you the worst, from that day on you trained to avenge your brothers death, and finally learned how to protect yourself. Once your brother died, you were left with no one but the demon that created you.

“I’m sorry for ever leaving you Y/N,” Junmyeon spoke through his weep. Bringing his hands to your face, he brought it up to look at him. “I regret for never taking you with me that day, I only thought of your father coming after Kyungsoo and I, that was so selfish of me. I left you with that fucking monster, I left you with your brothers dead body, I hate myself for that. The screams and cries from you that moment will always remain in my head. Yifan knew the moment he stepped in that house that he’d die, and we let him go in, he thought he could kill your father.” Junmyeon closed his eyes taking a deep breath, “He was so certain he could do it, he planned on taking you to where we were lived, and to finally give you a life with no fear. Yifan created Exo, to take revenge on every person that hurt him, your mother, and most importantly you.”

___________

i was going to make a prologue for this, but i’ve decided it will just be kris’s back story, because i’ve been waiting so long to finally post this, and i just can’t wait anymore, cuz i ain’t that patient. the backstory will probably be uploaded in the next two weeks (sorry i’m slow af when it comes to writing) it will explain a lot more things. like kyungsoo, and how exo came to be. this is my longest work to date, which ain’t that long but whatever. hopefully, y’all enjoy this, and i promise you will be seeing kyungsoo in the future along with interactions with more exo members. (also i hope this isn’t too messy)

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titasapag · 7 years

Text

Dear Men. Me Too.

Dear Men, Yes, I decided to write a letter to only one sector of this society. To you, if you consider yourself a man, a boy, a guy. Thank you. Yes, I’ll start thanking you for teaching me I can’t walk the streets alone. Sorry, I’m wrong. I do not want to thank you for that one. No. I do not. I wasn’t meaning to do a “Me Too” post. I wasn’t thinking about it anytime soon because everyone knows that me too. Everyone knows that every girl is a me too. The time I became a Me Too officially was wen I was 11 years old and I was walking besides my mom after a meeting with a modeling agency with white jeans and a red lovely shirt. And a guy in a motorcycle was driving by us and from behind he screamed to my mom “that’s a lovely child you have”, I wont forget my mom grabbing my shoulders and pushing me to the wall. The biker kept riding, but we were shaking the entire ride home. “Please be careful” she told me. Thats where the don’ts started. Thanks to men. “Don’t walk alone”, “Don’t go out at night”, “Don’t wear that”, “wear a jacket”, “use your keys in between your fingers in case you have to fight”, “take your money in your shoes in case there is an emergency and you got robbed”, “call when you get there”, “are you okay?”, “what time are you coming back?”, “it’s late for you to be outside”, “where are you going?”, “who are you going out with?”, “who else?”, “the three of you alone?”, “why didn’t you call me?”, “why didn’t you come home earlier?”.. and I can go on with the list. However I’m not writing this for you to pity me. Because I’ve had enough of your pity. I am writing this because after that small encounter at age 11, I got many more terrible encounters, and I saw a lot of things being done to girls, one other example that thank god didnt happen to me, but I will always remember. At a party when I was 14, lots of people were drunk, specially a girl I never knew her name, and a group of friends, really good friends I always had, male friends, where surrounded around a girl, having “fun”.. after their fun finished They, my friends, told me how they had her panties, how they touched her, how they were fingering her in a group of 8 boys, how drunk she was to even tell. One of them, told me how embarrassed he was that that had happened, and how he wanted them to stop. The rest I couldn’t call my friends anymore, I dont know if it was because of what they had done (which I couldnt really understand but I knew it was wrong), or if it was because a part of me was scared that they would think I wanted that too... And you know what? I dont care if I get screamed at while walking down the street. I live it 90% of the times I decide to go somewhere, so I am used to that. Yes. I AM USED TO BEING HARASSED. But the moment I have to guys walking behind me, whispering to my years. I stop, they thanks god keep walking, and ask if I was scared. I say “yes” in hope of an apology. And one of them says “good. I want you to be scared”, “I want you to be scared really bad because I want all of it”, while his friend laughs and does nothing. I say he is crazy, (under hopes that he read any of his friend’s “me too” stories) I say “stop harassing me”, he says “I do what I want because I can. And I want it all, so be scared.” ... By this time his friend was just looking at him without saying a word. They were still walking. And I was paralized in the middle of a crosswalk. EXCUSE WHAT?! Funny thing is a cop car drove by me, I made them signs to stop and they WAVED at me. EXCUSE ME?! I’m pretty sure the problem was not me. And an hour has passed and I am still shaking. I am wearing long pants and a long t-shirt. Nothing that says come threat me. And yes. I am used to guys screaming disgusting things at me. But WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?. Two blocks from my house. I can’t go outside now? What is the fucking deal? Before leaving every roofed area should I have my pepper spray in hand just in case I get two weirdos creeping up my back? . Dear men. Say thank you to those assholes because YOU SUCK. (If you are the 1% that would have punched your friend in the face and said soemthing right there right then, then you do not suck. But for all of the rest of you. You do). Weather you are the guy that was threatening me you suck. And if you are the stupid friend that was just staring without saying a word. Then you suck as well. And no. I did not scream because there was no one to scream to. No I did not run because my legs couldn’t make another step (which is why I froze on an intersection). No I wasn’t asking for it. No I didn’t call the cops even though I told them I was gonna because I heard the siren and waved at them and they kept driving. And because the guys kept walking. I wasn’t going to follow them even though they were walking on my same direction. So yes. I froze. Yes. I went back to the place I had just come out from. And yes I cried. Washed my face. And had someone walk me home. Yes. I’m fine. I’m still shaking but I am fine. But you know what? I am really fucking angry. Starting with the fact that I am tired of your objectivism and your way to see me and my body. Your way of avoiding my brain when complimenting me. And your way of thinking I would sleep with you if you insist. I am tired of your dick pics, your pic request. Your “compliments” while walking, which never compliment my clothes or hair but my ass, face, mouth, vagina. I am tired of your hugging me by the waist real low when I approach you to say hi cause you are my friend. I am tired of you thinking that I will sometime belong to you. And I am tired of you being a fucking coward. A coward because you do not defend me. Not even when I ask you to. A coward because you ask me not to say anything. And a coward because you have the guts to use your stupid privilege (yes. If you are black you still have more privileges than I do, so you are super included in this because those guys where darker than white), you have the guts to use your stupid privilege to come up to me and make me fear for my life. Make me fear for my body and future, because you “just want to have a little fun”. Or because you just want to prove to your friend that you are better than him, that you have the largest dick. That you fuck better and that you are better at dominating women. Because they fucking fear you. You fucking chicken. You fucking piece of shit. I wish. I wish for you men. That either you learn to wear your mom jeans and step up for girls/women, defend and honor them, just like a mother does. Or that you rot in hell. Because I am not taking any more of your stupid bullshit any longer. So next time your best friend is intimidating a girl. Break his fucking balls, cause he has none. Thank you. (Not really)

#metoo #men #letter #women #survivor

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