#The bitchiness

[wollstonecrafted]

favorite genre of character…. absolutely delicious trope…

[we-are-all-just-a-bit-crazy]

I hope I can be the level of dramatic gay that BTAA Riddler is one day

[theblogof-rassilon]

I do not appreciate the drums. Unkind regards, -M

Acknowledged. It was necessary though so no regrets (:

[silvcrignis]

Hunt A Killer || Verse Bio || Dead By Daylight

“Keira. I’m not pleased. In the slightest,” the tall blonde man suddenly in the doorframe of her office growled.

Green eyes darted up from her pile of paperwork & moving fountain pen as Keira looked back up at Lucifer, head tilted as she thought about what would have Satan seething this way. Both herself & Lucifer had moments where they got very, very angry over the most inconsequential reasons at times but she didn’t think this was exactly that. It doesn’t take her long, both she & Lucifer thought very similarly & her eyes widened as she clicked her tongue.

“You figured out the roster issue? I swear the names that aren’t crossed out on that thing have doubled.”

“Indeed. I have.”

Her next sentence was prefixed by a little cross between a groan & a growl as one hand rose to rub her temple as the other gestured him all the way inside of her lavish working space.

“I know that tone, Brimstone… How bad is it?” she sighed, internally bracing herself as he sat across from her.

Lucifer’s response was a brandished folder which was immediately taken & Keira began sorting through the multitude of photographs (really the Anomalies Department had outdone themselves on this, they needed to arrange some sort of recognition event for that team) & when she had finished she was just as irked as her colleague, her eyes now a flickering orange.

“You cannot be fucking- Something is stealing them?! Why? I don’t even fucking care about how I want to fucking know w h y Morningstar?!”

…Morningstar? She only called him that when she was deadly serious. Good. He needed them to be on the same page, he had chosen her for a reason, but sometimes she didn’t take things as seriously as she should because she knew it would annoy him. Her cooperation was one H E L L of a relief. He could feel the tension melting slightly from his shoulders as he pulled a single folded up paper from his suit pocket, holding it between his index & middle finger as Keira rose an eyebrow at him.

“… Do you want to handle this? I know you’re much better at brokering compromises than I.” he snickered, stretching his occupied fingers towards her.

(He had a point there. She was slightly more flexible though that didn’t mean she was any less ruthless in the end. Lucifer made demands, Keira swathed hers in the guise of a suggestion but they both always got whatever they wanted out of them.)

“Oh. You indulge me far too much sometimes, Your Majesty…”

“We are in Hell, Your Grace,” he reminded her as she took the offering while snickering at his veiled pun.

Lucifer’s naturally hissing voice was coloured with a tone of befuddlement over the phone

“… 500 years? How the fuck did you manage to do that? I figured that slithering sky penis would at least want you for a millennium.”

“Everyone wants me longer but that’s really up to my whims,” she purred back, grinning slightly at Lucifer’s responding snort.

“Anyway, I do have the rest of terms if you are interested. I feel like this is the start of a fantastic working relationship. Honestly a war wouldn’t be worth it. You’ve seen the roster you know our armies would just….”

“Yes, they would. It would be pitiful. But we’d be amused. However the terms would be useful considering the contract delivered to my desk was already sealed.”

“They are indeed going to stop just randomly picking from our roster. In exchange, we’ll make one for them. I actually don’t really mind their little project here besides the pilfering, it looks like something we would do if we had the time, honestly.”

“…Good… Anything else?”

“Pan’s here with me, he decided to tag along. Though there’s no extra stipulations with him, he just wanted to I’m just being transparent.”

“My condolences.”

“Appreciate you for that, I’ll need them. Now on to the best part. It took a little wheedling & eventually I offered the 500 years of servitude before it budged but…”

Lucifer could tell by her tone in her trailing off there was a reason she was saving this part for last & honestly he could indulge her need for begging this time, what she said would be more than worth it.

“Miss Black, if get any closer to the edge of my throne I’ll fall off.”

“Ooh, you’re on the throne right now? Am I on speaker?”

“Of course I am, this is important.”

“Well, in exchange for my good faith offer, if it does get bored of any of its squirmy little toys taken before todays signing… We get them. Not just the ones taken from our roster but their pissy terrified little lab rats too!”

For a moment Lucifer was silent even as the whispers among their gathered subordinates started, a slow, unhinged smile spreading on his face.

“… If I were standing next to you right now, I would kiss you.”

“Hold that thought for five centuries, keeps the euphoria alive. Though. The downside is you will be a solo act for a while again. Think you can handle reclaiming the mantel while I’m gone?”

“I’ll make it. Have fun. Also I know you must be elated sharing a field with Myers but…”

“Yeah. Fucking Ghostface… At least I might get a chance at dropping his goofy ass. Still can’t believe Regina thought I wanted a box set of his shit antics… The first Scream was okay, why the fuck didn’t they stop after that one?”

“To torment & punish you. Specifically. If you need anything…”

“I’ll use the Betelgeuse method, got it. Bye, Lucifer.”

He had already said his own farewell so he was hardly offended when she hung up. As soon as she did she cackled.

“Fucking sucker. I only have to stay in the realm during the trials… I just hate contract duty,” The Hellion snorted, folding her arms behind her head & sauntering off to her own cute little realm lovingly named “The Terror Dome”. Hmmm. She hoped these human fuckbags knew Greek mythology. The Labyrinth would be a GREAT first time theme.

@manufactoredxbyxdesign & @dcmur3 are real ones for liking that post so they get tagged in the l o r e

Also ye das right Albert keep being a bad lad & ur goin to Heck ur ass was on that roster too babyyy 👺

[beaft]

do genuinely find it fascinating how indeed.com is like the biggest job-hunting website out there and yet manages to be profoundly useless in every possible way

[noperopesaredope]

I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.

Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.

[recny]

dreamstat + appearing whenever louis gets the ick

[mezzanineangel]

when you wanna be g'raha tia-coded but you're closer to emet-selch in temperament...

[glassiskies]

“I did the ‘I was wrong’ dance in 1650, in 1793, 1941…”

[coffeenonsense]

"astarion is a traumatized abuse victim who deserves kindness" and "astarion is a mean rat bastard man who would rip out your throat for a corn chip if he felt like it" are two statements that can and should coexist

[krasnyel]

love like yours will surely come my way

[technically-human]

Charles, you can't just say stuff

[write-like-wright]

people who haven't played this series will never understand how much of a hater phoenix is in his internal monologue

[teabagtoaster]

me and my best friend saw you from across the beer pong table and we absolutely hate your vibe

(human oisin's tattoos designed by sam!!)

[abeautifulblog]

I really enjoy how Edwin subverts the expectations for his character archetype. Usually, if you had a character that was a mousey unpopular teenager who'd gotten bullied to death, they'd be shy and laden with insecurities, easily steamrolled by characters with more force of personality -- but instead, by the time you meet him in the show, Edwin's ego is basically bulletproof.

He is entirely confident in himself, and comfortable being himself, free to be as fussy, effeminate, and old-fashioned as he likes, because the only person whose opinion of him he gives a fuck about is Charles, and Charles thinks everything about Edwin is brilliant and he can do no wrong. Thirty years of Charles's radical acceptance has allowed him not only to be himself, but to be himself fearlessly.

And I think that's beautiful. :)

[phantomrose96]

The realest part of the Barbie Movie was when Barbie was like "okay but what if this hurts his feelings? what if this makes him sad? :(" after Ken stole her house, stole her car, and stole her agency, because as a woman you still have to second guess everything you do on the assessment of whether it might hurt a man's feelings.

And then that apprehension was proven right one million times over by the entire Conservative Internet Manosphere pissing and shitting and screaming themselves hoarse over Barbie daring to hurt a man's feelings.