#They try to find where she was made to find the “real ellie”

[bet-on-me-13]

Ellie is a Clone Misunderstanding

So, I' sure most of us have seen a story/prompt or two about Ellie being on the Teen Titans or Young Justice right? Here's my question, does she tell them about her being a Clone, or does she just omit that from her resume?

Imagine a scenario where Ellie is on a mission with her team (Let's say YJ for this). They are nearly done, when she gets hit by some type of Ecto-Weapon in the middle of the fight?

She is hurt, but shrugs it off and continues the battle. In the end, the team manages to come out on Top, and they return to Base.

The others are fretting over Ellie, asking how she is doing and if she needs ant help. She's never once been hit while in Battle, her Phasing Powers are stronger than even Miss Martian, so they are understandably concerned for her health.

She tells them that she's fine, and goes off to her room to rest, telling them to drop it.

Later that night, one of her teammates goes to her room to fetch her for Dinner. They knock on the door, but she doesn't respond. After a while, they decide to just open the door and find Ellie collapsed on the floor. She never made it to her bed.

They rush her to the Medical Station, and call in the League.

While there, they try to figure out what happened, but nothing comes up with the Weapon that hit her. (They took it after the battle for study)

Eventually, they get the results back from the Doctors. Her cells are dying at an alarming rate. Her energy levels are Unstable. Her DNA is deteriorating. She's Destabilizing.

She's a Clone.

All the evidence is there. Her DNA is deteriorating because she wasn't made complete, and her Cells can't keep up with the damage anymore because of that.

If this Ellie is a Clone, what happened to the Real Ellie? When was she kidnapped? How did they not notice their friend being replaced by a Clone?!

They need answers, and unfortunately Ellie isn't waking up any time soon.

[greenglowinspooks]

The way that I’m brainrotting over a DCxDP crossover with a Danny who’s a vengeful villain rn

Like, let’s just say that the GiW finally get into contact with the JL. They need help neutralizing a threat, you see, and they’re on their last limb trying to keep civilians safe.

They have video evidence! They have studies to back their claims! The JL have to help them!

Unfortunately, the JL believe them. They join a fight against Danny, and defeat him due to being far more experienced than he is. Danny is locked away and experimented on by the GiW.

That would CHANGE a person. Your heroes turning against you and seeing you as a monster, being experimented on for who knows how long, not knowing if your friends and family are safe.

Danny gets out due to a simple mistake on the GiW’s part; having Blüdhaven as part of their transport route.

Of course the trucks were attacked, they’re government property!

So now, whoever decided to raid the government transport trucks (the Penguin or something) has a ton of experimental weapons with no idea how they work, and a heavily traumatized teenager.

Danny knows how they work. Danny can be useful! They won’t throw him out if he’s useful! And so, now Danny is working for the Penguin, altering the ectoplasm weapons to make them work on humans.

It’s a good deal for both parties. Danny gets to neurotically imprint on the Penguin like a small baby animal, and the Penguin gets a brilliant mind who will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.

But eventually, Danny finds out what happened to his family in his absence.

Jazz is in Arkham. Not as a psychologist, but as a “patient.” Apparently, she snapped and completely destroyed the house, leveled a few blocks of Amity Park, and conducted organized attacks on government bases (mostly GiW) for months.

Sam and Tucker helped her, eventually splitting once Jazz was captured. Sam travels to areas of extreme pollution, completely overgrowing them with her plant powers. Currently she’s in the Amazon rainforest, engaging in an ongoing feud with logging companies. Sam is winning.

Tucker faked his death, and Danny has no idea where he is. He only knows that the death wasn’t real because of a code that the three of them made together, just in case.

Ellie’s trapped in the Infinite Realms. Danny had a failsafe in place so that if she was ever cornered by the GiW, she would be sent to her haunt in the GZ. However, with the portal destroyed, she can’t come back. Danny just hopes she’s okay.

His parents are now top GiW scientists. They’re traveling the country giving speeches. They’re working on a battery powered by ectoplasm, but apparently started “having difficulties” around the same time that Danny escaped.

None of it is fair. None of it is right.

The Justice League destroyed his life, the lives of his friends, and they’re doing as good as ever. The GiW is respected, and his parents are happily working away for them.

Danny takes up some of his more experimental weapons and breaks Jazz out of Arkham. She’s a little different now, colder and more quiet, but she still loves him all the same. It’s an unimaginable comfort to him to see his sister again.

He can’t use his powers anymore. He’s so used to associating them with pain that even transforming into his ghost form is enough to take him down for hours.

However, he understands ectoplasm more than anyone else in the world. He knows how to use it in virtually everything; how it can become a weapon, how it can be used as a supplemental ingredient in poisons and nerve agents, how it can twist and distort the mind if applied correctly.

He doesn’t care what happens to him. He’s going to take down the GiW, and destroy the lives of the JL members who helped lock him away, just as they did to him.

No matter the cost.

[eufezco]

you meet joel again after the outbreak and he finds out you have a daughter

seeing joel again after the outbreak was something you thought would never happen, but there he was, twenty years later, with almost completely gray hair and beard, and looking more tired than he used to. his brown eyes shone when he saw you, thinking that you were some sort of hallucination produced by tiredness, but your arms hugging his neck felt so tight and your head against his chest felt too real to be a creation of his mind.

he gulped nervously and took a few steps backward when you took the little girl in your arms as if he was scared of the little human. you had always been very good with children so he wasn't surprised that you were now taking care of them in jackson. because that's what it was, wasn't it? you were looking after someone's child, right?

"this- this is my daughter, joel." oh shit. your face expressed concern, waiting for a reaction from the man in front of you, but his eyes were locked on the child in your arms. he should have guessed. enough time passed, you were a grown woman and life was good in jackson, probably the best place on earth right now to start a family. he softly nodded his head, trying not to show how shocked he was. the baby was sucking on her finger, cooing and doing that stupid baby sounds like she was mocking him. "congrats" was all he could say.

he was waiting for you to introduce him to the father of your daughter, but you never did, it was as if you were torturing him slowly. maria wanted to put joel and ellie in the house across the street from hers and tommy's, but you offered them to stay with you.

"oh, that place has been untouched since the outbreak, i actually think only the heat works." you cut tommy off when he was saying that it was decent. joel was gonna decline your offer but ellie, who had been tickling your daughter's belly and playing with her tiny hands until that moment, was quicker than him on saying that they'd love to.

he hated to see that baby. joel hated her chubby cheeks and her small hands trying to reach for him every time he was near. he also hated tripping over her toys around the house and how she cutely laughed when ellie played with her. he hated seeing her wrapped in a towel like a burrito after her bath and he hated to see her cheeks and nose red from the cold weather, and how she stomped when she was wearing her big coat and fell on her ass in the snow.

"so, where's the dad?" ellie asked you with her mouth full of food. joel gave her a look that would have killed her and huffed. there was truly no way this kid was shutting the fuck up. "you don't have to -" "no, it's fine." you assured joel while making sure that your daughter was liking her food. you threw a glance at joel to see his reaction and he was looking at you with his face more relaxed than usual. his brow was not furrowed and his eyebrows were arched, trying not to show how interested he was in your answer but at the same time very annoyed because of ellie being so nosy. "he left." "shit- i'm sorry." you shook your head. "it was before she was born. it's better this way, you know? if he was gonna be a shitty dad, i prefer him not to be around." "hell yeah. fuck him." ellie said while nodding her head in agreement with what you were saying. joel threw another deadly glance at ellie after she cursed in front of you and your kid. " i bet you are the coolest mom, right joel?" ellie's words made you giggle but you were also waiting for joel's answer. it was easy for him to empathize with you since you were going through the same thing he went through with sarah. he found it very easy to be a single parent. sarah was the best kid and he had you and tommy to help him. but you were alone, you lived alone, you had to go to work, and you had to take care of your daughter. he clenched his jaw. "that's right."

when you showed them your house, ellie loved it. she lay down on your couch, she opened your fridge, she sat in front of the fireplace, she turned the lights on and off multiple times, checking that they were indeed working. joel told her to stop but you assured him that it was okay, you liked seeing the girl so excited over such small things.

joel on the other hand was static next to you while ellie played around. your daughter was looking at him with her head resting on your shoulder, and joel looked at her from time to time only to find that the baby was still staring at him.

you showed them the rest of the house. ellie had her own room, which was meant to be your daughter's future room but she could have it, and you would share your room with joel. but after seeing his face, you thought it might have been a better idea to offer him the guest room.

"we also have a guest room. there's no bed but there's a couch and the heat doesn't work there but if you want-" "oh no, old joel will be great here." ellie appeared behind him, giving a few pats on his shoulder. you smiled at the girl but waited for an answer from joel. he was trying so hard to ignore the crib next to your side of the bed and how the little girl was sitting in the middle of the mattress, playing with her stupid little toys and violently sucking on her pacifier. instead of that, he decided to remember all those nights sleeping with ellie either in the woods or in the car, and the way he could hardly move when he woke up the next day because his body ached so much. but joel also remembered how good it felt being your little spoon and waking up next to you. of course, he didn't expect things to be like they used to be, but probably sleeping next to you was the only thing he had left of what once was his home. "this is okay." "great! and it's not as if we haven't slept together before, so..." you added trying to downplay the issue. "woow." ellie was so interested in this. "how is that?" "no-" "we were neighbors, and sometimes we-" "enough."

you knew why joel was so distant with your daughter. meanwhile, ellie loved to be around her, joel tried as hard as he could to keep his distance. you lived next to them and in the afternoons you helped sarah with her homework. you stayed with them for dinner and then enjoyed a movie or played some board games with them. the night the outbreak started, joel knocked on your door and told you to go inside his truck immediately. you were familiar with the relationship joel had with his daughter and you knew what a shock it had been to lose her. that's why you didn't blame him for his behavior.

"is she okay?" joel asked you half asleep and you hummed in response. "she's just hungry. i'm sorry. you can go back to sleep." you sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep of your eyes and picking her up in your arms. you mumbled something to her and kissed her forehead while you started to softly rock her in your arms. "no. how can i- how can i help?" joel sat on the bed and waited, noticing how she calmed down after you took her in your arms. the light coming from the street illuminated your silhouette and allowed Joel to appreciate your daughter's wet face. "hm- i need her bottle. it's ready in the kitchen. if you could heat it in the microwave for like a minute, that would be great." while he waited, he couldn't help but think of baby sarah in his arms. her cheeks were wet and her eyes were wide open, joel had to leave early in the morning for work but he didn't mind staying with her up all night if it was necessary. joel was trying to distract her until her bottle was ready, letting her small fingers wrap around his big one. joel had to take a few seconds before going back to the room with you, his hand pressed against his chest trying to control his breathing. once he came back with the baby's bottle, he sat by your side, handing it over to you and nodding after you thanked him. he watched as she enjoyed her meal and as you softly rocked her in your arms. your head fell on joel's shoulder and he didn't know what to do so he just stayed with you like that until you finished feeding her.

"i'm late. i'll see you at lunchtime." you couldn't be late another time, maria will literally kill you. you placed your daughter in joel's arms before you could remember how hesitant he had been with her and he had no other choice but to hold her so she wouldn't fall.

"are you okay? do you want me to take her?" ellie asked after seeing joel's shocked face. he held the little girl with outstretched arms, keeping her away from him. the baby cooed and extended her arms wanting to reach joel. she opened and closed her fist, getting really impatient and starting to make sounds of discomfort. the man frowned and had no other choice but to hold her against his chest. "shit... well done, joel. look, she even seems to like you." ellie added when the girl hid her face in joel's neck.

a few days after that he seemed to be closer to your daughter, you even caught him playing with her rattle, your daughter lying in her crib and with her arms up in the air trying to reach the toy. he was serious, not allowing himself to show how he really felt. your baby laughed with him and you decided to leave the room carefully to not interrupt the moment.

he started with small things like letting her hold his thumb between her fist every time he noticed she was staring into his soul again, and always keeping an eye on her when ellie was helping her to walk in the snow in case she fell or got tired of trying. then joel started feeding her, cutting the fruit into very small pieces, making sure that the milk wasn't too hot or too cold. at first, just sitting by your side but she was too distracted by his presence to eat so he had to start feeding her eventually.

you sighed in exhaustion once you entered your house. "i'm so tired." you sighed again and rested your head on joel's shoulder. your baby was half asleep on joel's arm, visibly comfortable by the way she cooed every now and then and by the way she rubbed her face against his arm. joel was rocking her softly. using one finger you tickled her belly to let her know that you were home. he put her in her pajamas, fed her dinner and you would even say that he had bathed her by the way her little curls were still damp. "she likes you." you said. he brought the pacifier to her mouth and with closed eyes, she quickly caught it with her lips. "she likes you more than me." "that's not true." joel spoke with a low voice, being careful not to be too rough and wake the child up. he turned his head to look at you, his eyes finally leaving your daughter to pay attention to you. you also looked at him with your head still resting on his shoulder. "you like her more than me." you pouted, trying to stay focused on his deep brown eyes and not on his lips and how close his mouth was to your face. "also not true." you smirked and moved one of your hands to play with your daughter's. she squeezed your index finger tightly between her tiny fist while joel kept looking at you. all that you had now should have been with him. your daughter, your house, your life. before the outbreak happened, one night drinking a few glasses of wine at his house after sarah went to sleep, you told him what you hoped your life would be like. you wanted to find your person and maybe even get married, you wanted to travel, moved in with them, start a family, raise your children, have movie nights. not much different from what you had with him at that time. you were almost there, touching your dreamed life with your fingertips, if you only had more time... when joel realized, your eyes were on him again and you had his chin between your thumb and index finger. your thumb brushed his lower lip, testing the waters, and his eyes slowly closed. you understood that as a green light to continue so, you leaned towards him and pressed your lips against his. just like that, no need to move them or rush things. you just missed feeling his lips against yours as much as he did. the kiss lasted ten seconds at most, but it was enough time for your breaths to mix and for joel's body to truly relax after months. you showed a little smile to him after the kiss and the soft look on his face let you know that he was satisfied. you went in for another kiss and he had his eyes closed already but then all of a sudden, your daughter on joel's arm started crying. "oh, i think someone's jealous."

[wardenparker]

For Valentine's Day

Joel Miller x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Rating: E for Explicit Word Count: 12.2k Warnings: Cursing, mentions of food and alcohol, taking care of a baby in the post-apocalypse, Ellie being a big sister, established relationship, mentions of breastfeeding, fingering, unprotected sex, praise, talk of birth control methods. Summary: You, Joel, Ellie, and Caroline arrive in Jackson to find the town getting ready to celebrate Valentine's Day. Notes: These darling dears were long overdo for a visit, so Happy Valentine's Day from the post-apocalypse! The rest of the 'For' series can be found on my Masterlist if you haven't read it yet!

Jackson is like another world. Joel is on edge, despite the friendly faces. Despite the relative safety of the town. He had been shocked to see Tommy here. Thriving, when Joel has lost so much to find him. To find that he isn’t needed. Although, he’s relieved to find a safe little spot for his baby girl and for you. Relieved that a comfortable house is available for you to rest in. It still baffles him to find an entire town getting ready for Valentine’s Day.

The trip was grueling, although all four of you made it in one piece. There were a hell of a lot of days that you weren’t sure if you would make it at all — but that wasn’t really an option. Not with Caroline sleeping on your chest in the homemade wrap carrier that Joel had helped you fashion out of ripped sheets you’d found and washed in an abandoned house along the way. You’ve been bonding with Ellie along the way, and she’s pretty good with Caroline, but your little girl is the reason you’ve been fighting so hard. Now that you’re in Jackson you don’t really know what’s going to happen with you and Joel. All you know is that you have four walls and a roof again, and Caroline is safe.

“Why are there so many hearts everywhere?” Ellie asks Joel, looking around as decorations are put up and the snow crunches under his new boots as he shoves his hands back in his pockets. “Holiday.” He grunts, sure that the kid is fucking with him. She seems to know all the old holidays anyway.

“Have you ever heard of Valentine’s Day?” Who knows what she learned in that FEDRA school back in Boston, or if anyone even thinks about Valentine’s Day anymore — outside of Jackson. You can't even believe that this town is decorating and getting ready for some mass celebration. It's surreal. And a little Hallmark. But in the post-apocalypse? It's amazing in a way you didn't even know you wanted.

“You mean that commercial holiday where men bought their ladies chocolate and flowers, took them on expensive dates?” Ellie asks with a smirk on her face. “You know, they said that soooooo many people proposed on Valentine’s Day. Or made babies.”

"That...is not wrong," you admit, ruffling her hair as you walk alongside the teen with little Caroline strapped to your front. "I guess the folks here are trying to keep as many older traditions alive as they can."

“So what are you going to do for Valentine’s Day?” Her voice takes on a sly, teasing tone and she cuts her eyes over to Joel, who’s shoulder seem inches higher than they just were. “Make a sibling for Caroline?”

"She already has a sibling." When the dubious teen wrinkles her nose at you in confusion, you knock her shoulder and offer her the warmest, softest smile. The real one — not one that teases or has expectations. "You, Ellie. You've been an amazing sister to her on this whole trip."

“Oh.” Her cheeks turn bright red and she ducks her head down slightly, but you don’t miss the proud look on her face. “She’s not so bad.” She huffs. “For a baby.”

"You're not so bad, either." A soft laugh escapes you, and you duck your own head to press a kiss to the top of Caroline's covered head. "For a teenager."

“The baby ready for a nap?” Joel asks. “It’s been a while.”

"We're almost home. I'll lay her down when we get in." The trip into town had been necessary, but Caroline had gotten fussy while Joel was talking to his brother and stepping outside had been practical. It's definitely naptime, no two ways about that. Especially not the way your little girl has been on the verge of tears for half the walk.

“Do you want me to hold her?” Joel asks. Knowing that it’s been a struggle keeping her calm and maybe you need a break.

"She might calm down a little for Daddy." Typically Caroline seems to find being held by Joel to be soothing or at least enough of a novelty to distract her from whatever was upsetting her, and you pause in your steps to carefully extract Caroline from her nest on your chest to hand over to Joel.

His hands are always gentle holding Caroline. As if he is scared to possibly hurt her or stain her with his blood-soaked hands. “Hey, baby girl.” He coos, smiling down at her tear-stained face. “Why so grumpy?”

His little girl — your little girl whimpers and moans a little but the tears stop flowing and you end up chuckling wryly under your breath. “I’m the one who brought her into the world and took care of her for months all alone and she’s still a Daddy’s girl. Go figure.” There’s no heat in it, no malice of any kind. After two months on the road together, you’re thrilled to see the pair of them still bonding so well.

"She's grumpy because she's yours." Ellie snorts, rolling her eyes and grinning when Joel cuts his eyes at her for a moment before looking back at Caroline. "See? Same grumpy looks."

“Like father, like daughter,” you tease, needling Joel’s arm with one finger.

He rolls his eyes and shuffles Caroline onto his shoulder, rubbing her back softly. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you out of the cold and into a clean diaper.” He murmurs. “Then we’ll see if you’ll get some sleep so you aren’t as grumpy as your old man.”

The house that was bestowed upon you is just a little further out from downtown and when the four of you get inside, Caroline’s trusty basket is right where you left it in the living room. “She’ll want to eat when she gets up, but I can manage that.” Managing to breastfeed here and there still works, but it’s good that there have been foods that Joel can feed her, too. “If you put her down, I can take care of her when she wakes up.”

“She had a rough night.” Joel argues softly. Caroline was a little under the weather, so she had been fussy. You had wanted to stay up with her, and now you look ready to drop. “Go take a nap and I’ll get her highness when she wakes up, okay?”

“Thank you, honey.” It’s an easy reflex to brush a kiss on Joel’s lips now, and you offer him a smile before pacing past him to fall into the bed that the two of you share upstairs.

Joel gently lays Caroline down, having a supply of cloth diapers and pins nearby. “Hey, baby girl. We’re gonna get you all clean and dry in just a minute.” He promises, finding it easier than he had imagined to fall back into a routine with taking care of a baby. It was decades ago, but he remembers soothing Sarah’s tears as he fought against diaper rash and colic with her.

“So.” Ellie smirks, leaning against the archway into the living room like the absolute picture of adolescence. “What’re you gonna do for her for Valentine’s Day?”

“Do for her?” Joel snorts, not looking up from his task since Caroline likes to pee on an unsuspecting victim when she’s being changed. “What do you mean?”

“The mother of your damn baby, Miller.” Ellie huffs, also as grumpy as her father figure. “There’s a whole holiday about love and romance and they celebrate it here.”

He frowns, realizing that you might have some kind of expectation given the atmosphere around town. “I’ve never been good at that kind of thing.” He admits.

“You can’t do nothing,” the teen argues, keeping her voice down so she won’t disturb the baby or be heard upstairs.

“Yeah.” He grunts, aware of that now. He has never really had to do Valentine’s Day. Unless you counted getting Sarah those boxed Valentine’s for her classes. “I’ll think of something.”

“What’s Tommy doing?” She might not know much about Joel’s brother, but she knows he has a wife and figures he must have a plan of some kind. “He might have an idea you can steal.”

“Haven’t asked.” Joel shrugs, carefully pinning the new diaper to Caroline with a slight frown.

“Probably should.” But Ellie shrugs. It’s no skin off her nose if the grumpiest old man in the world is bad at romance.

He pauses and looks up at Ellie suspiciously. “Has she said something to you?” He asks seriously.

“No.” If you had, she would have been kicking his ass about it a lot harder and a lot sooner. “But she deserves something nice. For like…putting up with us.”

You do put up with them. He snorts and lifts a brow. “Don’t you mean puts up with you?” He jokes. “She happens to like my grumpy ass just the way it is.”

“All the more reason to be nice.” As if he has proven her point completely, Ellie smirks. “Nice and romantic.”

“What do you know about romance, twerp?” He scoffs and shoots her a grin. “You’re too busy scaring off the girl that is interested in you.”

“S’not my fault your scary rubbed off on me,” she gripes in turn. “And you don’t know she likes me. Shut up.”

“You were scary before I met you, kid.” He chuckles, smirking slightly at the mortified expression on her face. “Maybe you’d find out if you didn’t run her off.” He suggests. “Talk to her.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t run off.” Ellie’s characteristic huff comes with a frown and a whole lot of blustering now that she’s the one being called out and she pushes away from the doorframe with a near-stamp of her feet. “Whatever, old man. I was trying to help you.”

“Yeah, you are.” He acknowledges with a grin. “Imma put her down and then run talk to Tommy. You good with listening out for her? She should sleep the entire time.”

“Fine.” Anything to end the torture, though Ellie does smirk that she might have given Joel a good kick in the ass.

He snorts to himself as he lifts a now sleepy Caroline to his shoulder. Patting her but as he moves over to her downstairs bassinet. It’s was odd, you had carried Caroline in a worn out sling and then luckily found a new one on the way, but supplies and space for them had been so limited, now his daughter has a downstairs sleeping area and one right in the room you share with Joel

******

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” Despite the cold, Tommy is out on his porch when he spots Joel walking up the road, and he leans over the banister with a dash of curiosity in his shit-eating grin. Any time his big brother comes to him for just about anything, he still considers it a win. “Back again so soon?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Joel shoots Tommy a half-hearted glare and shoves his hands in his pockets. “You got a minute?”

“Sure.” Tommy’s head bobs in agreement. “You wanna come in?”

“Maria home?” Joel asks, not quite sure if it’s a good idea. Tommy’s wife doesn’t seem to be his biggest fan and he can only assume it’s because his brother told his wife some of the things that Joel has done to protect the people he cares about over the years.

“Nah.” The younger Miller brother shakes his head and stands on creaky bones to open the door for them. “She’s got meetings today. I don’t pretend to know everything she has to deal with, but she comes home to a warm house and dinner on the table, so I guess I’m doing something right.”

“Well, ain’t you a good little house husband?” Joel snorts, busting his brother’s balls a little. The man had been a pain in his ass hellraiser when he was younger. Before outbreak. It’s nice to see him get to enjoy domesticity once again.

“Hell yes I am.” But Tommy snorts too, knowing it’s a far cry from the kid he used to be. As it turns out, the end of the world and the love of a good woman can change a man. “You think I’m not gonna do everything I can to keep that wife of mine? ‘Course I am.”

Tommy was always the optimist, something that Joel had lost after Sarah’s mother had left. He had been too busy trying to raise her right, and then he lost her. Joel frowns for a second and then nods. “And how are you doing that with this Valentine’s thing?”

“Not as easily as I would have before,” Tommy admits, but that’s also a pretty obvious thing to say. Nothing is as easy as it was before. “That cache of movies they’ve got has plenty to pick from and they’re screening…” He thinks for a second, hard, and shrugs. “Some damn 90s chick flick. I dunno, but she’s excited. And since she’s been eating carrots like a bunny with this pregnancy, I’m makin’ her a whole meal centered around it for dinner.”

“Carrots.” He snorts and smirks at his younger brother. “Your kid is gonna come out and say “what’s up doc?”.” He sniggers, imitating the cartoon character from long ago.

“At this point I wouldn’t be surprised.” It makes Tommy laugh though, and he puts a glass of water in front of Joel before pouring one for himself. “Watcha need?” He asks, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

“It’s about….” He looks down at the water and says your name. “The kid says I need to do something for her. For putting up with my shit.”

“Smart kid.” But still, Tommy frowns. “Are you…not together? Is that it? Or am I not gettin’ something here?”

“We were together one time.” Joel murmurs. “And we had a kid.” He shakes his head and looks back down at his hands. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the baby. Caroline is sweet and her momma-“ he sighs. “She’s too good for me really, but she wants to be with me.”

“Just one time?” An impressed and slightly disbelieving whistle escapes Tommy’s lips. “Do you…wanna tell me what happened? Or is that topic off limits?”

“You remember that supply run I made right after you left to go out west?” Even though he had been with the Fireflies, Joel had told Tommy his plans, hoping he would come along.

“Sure. You left the day after I did.” That had been the plan at the time, anyway. He can’t be sure that’s when Joel actually left.

“Came across her in an abandoned house.” He smirks slightly as remembers your surprise and his own reaction to your beauty. “Bunked down together for the night.”

“Ah.” The younger of the two men chuckles in acknowledgement. He can very easily see Joel trading sex the way he traded favors and sold drugs. “And she found you again? Afterward?” He guesses.

“She told me where she was from.” Joel explains. “After we got in trouble in the city and lost Bill’s truck, we headed there. Hoping that we could somehow find someone with a car.”

“And maybe hoping to run into her?” He doesn’t believe it happened by accident. That Joel hadn’t been thinking about you when he decided to go to wherever you were from. He knows his brother better than that.

“She had told me she was going west sometime.” He gives a half shrug, but that is why he had chosen to go so far out of his way.

"Cut the bullshit, Joel," Tommy smirks, knowing that his brother's ability to evade admitting to emotion is legendary. He's been like this for most of his life. Since his wife left. And that is what it is. But Tommy knows Joel well enough to know that he doesn't go out of the way for just anyone. "If you don't want to be with her that's one thing, but you protected her and that baby all the way from the east coast."

He could argue that he has an obligation to you because of the baby. Caroline is his daughter, but it’s just delaying the inevitable admittance of wanting to be with you. “So what the fuck do I do for her, Casanova?” He huffs, scowling at his brother and wondering why the fuck he came to him for advice. “She’s too fucking good for me and I know it. All the women in my life have been.”

“Well you’re taking her to the movie, right?” It’s not exactly a common thing to be able to do, and is therefore a pretty damn big special occasion in the world you all live in now. “Even if you didn’t do anything else, you gotta do that.”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Joel likes movies, used to love them back in the days before the world burned. “She likes books, maybe I can try to find her favorite?”

“We made a library in town of all the books that were left in everybody’s houses,” Tommy tells him with a nod. “Same way we got all the movies we screen. If you’ve got a bookworm, I think a library card counts as romantic.”

“That night…” Joel looks down at his hands and smiles slightly at the memory. “She was reading a book to me that was sexy.” He huffs out a chuckle. “Guess she seduced me with her reading abilities.”

"Fell for brains, huh?" That makes his brother chuckle, and Tommy leans back in his seat with a grin. "Maybe you can talk to Jana — the woman who runs the library — and arrange a little date there? Rekindle a little romance?" He's trying to help as best he can, knowing that old chestnuts like taking you out for a fancy dinner or taking a little weekend trip away can't happen with the world the way it is. He could be patronizing and tell Joel to hurry up and make an honest woman of you, but that is also something that's changed in this world. Not everyone feels the need for the formality of a marriage anymore.

“That would be good.” Joel doesn’t sound completely convinced. “Although I’m sure jewelry would be better. Even now.”

With one eyebrow raised, Tommy cocks his head at his brother. “What kind of jewelry were you thinkin?”

“Somethin’ to celebrate Caroline. And give her something pretty.” Joel hadn’t quite thought it through but most women loved the thought of jewelry.

“Earrings? Necklace?” The way Tommy wants to pry is nearly a physical necessity at this point. “Whatever’s in the house you guys have moved into, wrap it up. Consider it our gift to you guys for being part of the town.”

“Was thinking about a necklace but I don’t know.” He frowns slightly. “Maybe a ring?” He looks up at his brother. “You didn’t remove the valuables from the house?”

“What’s jewelry worth in the apocalypse?” It’s something that only had to be worried about in the cities, it seems like. In the places where FEDRA still reigned. In the places where appearances still mattered. “We took the tools, the resources, split them all up evenly or kept them in reserve, depending on what they were. “Whatever water, food, warm clothing, shit like that? That’s what matters. Not jewelry.”

“True.” Joel shakes his head. “See why I’m not good at shit like this?” He huffs. “Too bad I can’t build her a stroller for the baby.”

“I mean I don’t think you would find very good suspension, but we can get you the stuff to build an old fashioned one.” Tommy snaps his fingers in quick succession, thinking hard. “What the fuck were they called? The one from black and white photos? Prambutrators?”

“Prams.” Why Joel knows that, he doesn’t have a clue. But like he was watching an old episode of Jeopardy, the answer falls from his lips easily.

“Strollers, but beds.” There’s a longer word for it, Tommy’s sure of that, but he shrugs it off. “You wanna do that for her? We can make it happen.”

“Might be a good idea.” Joel hums thoughtfully. “Especially since you’re about to have your own kid. “Need some way of transporting them when your back is aching.”

"It'll be a family heirloom," Tommy huffs, amusement makes his smile spread all over again.

Joel snorts and he taps the table. “I want to build it.” He decides. “I can find out about the library card and look for something pretty too. She did give birth to my daughter and took care of her alone until I saw her again.”

"So it'll be a big holiday." That seems to please the younger Miller, and he chuckles quietly. "She's a hell of a woman. And deserves it, if for nothing else than putting up with your ass."

Joel rolls his eyes and sighs softly. “I don’t know how much she puts up with me because of the kid and how much is because she’s insane for wanting me.”

"Oh, she's certifiable." Tommy can't help but laugh at that. "But it's obvious she loves you. For whatever that's worth. You can see it on her face."

He doesn’t see it, but he might still be in that stage of disbelief. “I better get back.” He pushes the chair back and stands with a groan. “Told her I’d get Caroline when she woke up. She had a long night with her last night so she’s taking a nap too.”

"Ellie's with the baby now?" It's obvious to everyone else in the world that Joel has taken in the teenager with the same ferocity that he's taken to his infant. It's who he is.

“Yeah.” He can’t help the soft smirk on his face as he thinks about the two of his three girls. “She’s taken on the role of big sister pretty well.”

"Sometimes you gotta get thrown in the deep end to figure out how to swim." Standing with his brother, Tommy claps Joel on the shoulder. "Go get back to 'em. We'll get your building supplies tomorrow."

“Thanks.” Joel’s shoulders relax slightly and he shakes his head. “Still can’t believe we’re gonna have kids that grow up together.”

“Musta done something right to deserve it,” Tommy laughs, the edge of disbelief in his voice obvious. “Can’t figure out what the fuck it was, but it must’ve been good.”

“I— I never actually congratulated you.” Joel murmurs after a moment. He had been a little raw when he realized Tommy had been living a charmed life here and he had lost so much, Tess, Bill and Frank, another piece of his soul, on his way to rescue him. Then Tommy’s disbelief about Caroline and his own budding joy about fatherhood had brought up the loss of Sarah. It hadn’t been pretty, but he had regretted his harshness. He reaches out a hand, hard from the man he had become and the work he had done, to shake Tommy’s. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.” The handshake, warm and firm and full of things the Miller brothers aren’t very good at saying out loud, makes Tommy falter and clear his throat a little to push away the emotion. “I, uh…I’m doing my best. And that’s all I can do. Because Maria and the baby deserve the world, but the world is pretty fucked up these days.”

“It’s always been fucked up.” Joel corrects. “Now it’s just more obvious.” He lets go of the hand and shuffles slightly.

“Fair enough, I guess.” Tommy chuckles, but he rubs his hand on the back of his neck. “Did you…need anything else?”

Joel shuffles again and feels like a teenager. “Do any - uh, is there birth control available?” He asks, not wanting to get you pregnant again. At least not now. Although that afterthought shocks him.

A sort of lopsided smirk forms on Tommy’s face, and he chuckles — the sentiment clear as day. “The ladies have developed some interesting but not full proof methods. It’s sort of frontier-style out here. In that regard and a lot of others.”

“Yeah.” Joel nods and sighs. “I’m fucking fifty-six years old, Tommy.” He huffs. “Don’t need to be knockin’ her up every time I’m feelin’ frisky.”

“For her sake way more than yours.” Tommy laughs again. “I’d go see the Doc,” he advises. “She was a general practitioner before the world went to shit, so now she’s our town doc.”

Joel nods, knowing that it needs to be done. Tess couldn’t have anymore kids, so it had never been a problem. You’ve only had sex a few times since being in Jackson, and every time, Joel had pulled out the second you had cum so he could jerk off.

“Sounds like you’re planning a damn good Valentine’s Day,” Tommy teases.

He snorts, shrugging slightly and the slight grin on his face is purely male. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been this relaxed. And she’s a damn beautiful woman, who loves me.” He admits, proud of that fact.

“If you’re relaxed with a baby around, that’s proof she’s not your first.” Shaking his head once more, Tommy slaps Joel hard on the shoulder. “Go home to ‘em. I’ll see you tomorrow with the stuff you’ll need to build.”

“Thanks.” He sends Tommy a grateful look and quickly slips out the door. Eager to get back to you, Caroline and Ellie. Even though Jackson is safe, he feels better when you are close.

******

Ellie is sitting beside Caroline’s bassinet in the living room when Joel gets home. Her old, weathered joke book is in her hands and she glances up when the door opens to let Miller inside. “Shhh,” she puts one finger to her lips performatively and whispers. “She’s so fuckin cute when she sleeps.”

“Yes she is.” Joel can agree as he quietly walks over to the bassinet. “She slept the entire time?” He asks the other girl, proud of how easily she’s bonded with her. Despite not like diaper changes, Ellie loves Caroline and would often ask to hold her when you had stopped for the night.

"She fussed a little," Ellie admits, but she holds up her book. "I giggled her off to sleep."

“More like bored her to sleep.” Joel snorts. “You certain she’s still breathing?” He jokes, even though he can see that she is, it’s simply for the pleasure of watching Ellie scowl at him.

"Caroline thinks I'm funny." The teenager defends, though she knows making a baby laugh isn't too hard in the first place. "Even if you don't share our refined sense of humor."

“Yeah.” He huffs and rolls his eyes, resisting the urge to smirk. “Keep telling yourself that, cupcake.”

“Shouldn’t be surprised.” Though it comes with a huff, Ellie keeps her voice down. Caroline is sleeping, after all. “We’re cuter than you, too.”

He shoots Ellie a look that is half amused. “That’s not hard to do.” He admits. “But I’m smarter…..and meaner.”

“You wouldn’t be mean to us.” Ellie bats her eyelashes dramatically, knowing fully fucking well that Joel can be mean. That he has been mean. But never to the baby.

“No, I wouldn’t.” He might have been at one point to the older girl, but now he would die protecting her. “Did you know there’s a library in town?”

“There is?!” Her voice jumps up at that and she immediately ducks as though her volume were some kind of tangible weapon that she needs to get away from the baby immediately. “There is?” She hisses quietly instead.

“Yeah.” Joel chuckles at the way Ellie’s eyes light up. You aren’t the only one with an affinity for reading. “Planning on going over tomorrow to get a card. Wanna come?”

“Hell yes.” The teenager nods with enthusiasm. “Is it a big library?” He must have heard about it from Tommy, which means it’s worth bragging about. Tommy Miller loves to brag about Jackson.

“It’s filling up a store, so it has to be big.” Tommy had told him where to go. “They compiled all the books in town and any they brought in.”

"You're on, old man." Ellie hops up off the sofa, apparently having thought of something either extremely important or just imminently elsewhere that she needs to be. "I hope you're ready to carry books back, cause I'm getting out as many as they'll let me."

“Bring a bag, brat.” He reaches out to swipe her head with his hand, to mess up her ponytail, but she ducks. “Where are you going?” It’s a safety question, even though the town is safe. He still wants to know.

"Upstairs." She assures him. "I'm not leaving after dark."

“Good.” Joel lifts a brow. “Keep it that way. Even though it’s safe here, shit can happen.”

"I know." She agreed to follow Joel's rules, and she meant it. Even if he can be a complete nag sometimes, she knows by now that he is the one person to trust over anybody else in her life. Joel said not to go out after dark, so she doesn't. End of story.

“Thank you.” Joel relaxes slightly and rolls his shoulders back after Ellie agrees to stay close. “Don’t say anything to her about the library card.” He cautions her. “It’s gonna be a surprise.” He hopes you haven't heard about the library yet, but if you have, you haven't had time to get a card or you would have been raving about it.

“Got it.” The teen smirks and heads for the stairs.

Joel rolls his eyes again and looks down at Caroline softly before taking off his jacket and boots. He's comfortable here, and its a surprise to find out how quickly he could readjust back to fatherhood. He takes the soiled diaper from earlier and brings it over to the bucket that you keep them soaking in. Deciding that he will wash them so they can hang dry in the kitchen overnight. Having a baby in a post apocalyptic world is kind of like having one in frontier times, in his opinion. A lot more work, and those conveniences he had taken for granted with Sarah are a thing of the past.

******

It’s been a hell of a long time since you could feel safe enough to nap, but Jackson is unique in that it actually feels safe. When you wake up it’s after dark and the house is quiet — which really just means that Caroline is quiet. Joel and Ellie habitually keep their voices lower and their steps lighter because the instinct of having to stay hidden is so ingrained. The fact that there’s no sound from downstairs now is a good thing. Hopefully Caroline has managed to nap and Joel can do…whatever Joel is doing.

Joel stirs the pot on the stove, throwing together a stew to eat. The leftover vegetables from last year’s growing season were all canned, but he was grateful for them nonetheless. When he hears you on the stairs, he pokes his head out of the kitchen. “Got some tea ready.” He calls out softly.

"You're perfect," you hum with a grateful sigh, stretching languidly on the last step before you hit the bottom floor. The air of domesticity here is deep, in a way that could almost make you forget what the world outside is like. At least for a little while.

“You just love that I’ve learned how to make your tea.” He snorts and leans over to press a kiss to your forehead when you drift by him on the way to the counter for the cup he has set out.

"I'm appreciative." For so, so many things that Joel does. Not being the only person in charge of Caroline's survival and happiness as well as your own has lifted an enormous burden from your shoulders and you can only hope that you have helped him in even a fraction of the same way. "Thank you, honey."

“Of course.” He nods and turns back to the stew. “Figured I’d make some dinner, we still have half a loaf of that oat bread.” He shakes his head. “Amazing how we are actually eating bread….Considering.”

“We’re all eating like hippies,” you joke, leaning in to Joel’s side as he stands at the stove. It’s a comfort just to be close to him, and you’re much closer now than you were even weeks ago. “Anything but wheat flour.”

“That’s true.” He chuckles and reaches around you to snag your waist.

“Thank you for letting me nap.” A perfect rest is one you get to take together, but those were few and far between on the road. Now that you’re in Jackson, being able to sleep next to him every single night is an absolute luxury.

“You’re welcome.” Joel leans in and brushes his nose against your cheek. “You were up with her last night, you deserved to rest.” He reminds you. “I got the diapers washed. They are hanging up on the back porch.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He’s been such a huge help, and even helped you get a better rhythm even in your one-on-one time with Caroline.

“Are you asking or lamenting?” He jokes and pats you on the butt gently. “So I talked to Tommy.” He murmurs. “There’s a doctor in town that we should go see.”

“Are you not feeling well?” Concern is written on your face instantly, eyebrows drawing up in worry.

“No, nothing like that.” He instantly replies, trying to ease your fears. “They have some….methods of birth control.” He feels his own cheeks heating up because of bringing this up. “If you— I mean, if we’re— you know— uh—”

"Oh." He's blushing, and that's just about the most adorable thing you've ever seen. "Then yes. We should definitely go see that doctor."

“I just— I don’t want you to— not if—” he’s never been great with words and he just shrugs after a moment. “I don’t think you should be havin’ another baby right now.” He murmurs. “I know back before everything, they told my….ex, that she should wait at least three years before another baby and fuck- by then I’ll be sixty fuckin’ years old.”

"Honey..." Turning into Joel's side completely, you tip your head back to offer him a smile and put your other arm around his waist to hold him close. "We'll do our best to keep up with effective birth control. We'll be as safe as we can be. Sometimes...sometimes things just happen. We know that. We have the result of that, sleeping in the other room. Family planning doesn't exactly work the way it used to."

“No, it doesn’t.” He leans in and presses his lips to yours. “But I want you to be healthy, not worn out because my pullout game isn’t the best.”

"If it happens again, we'll love them just as much as we love Caroline." You are absolutely certain of that, without hesitation. "And if it doesn't? She's already got one fantastic big sister around to help take care of her, and another big sister that she can hear stories about whenever Daddy is willing to tell them."

“I—” he bites his lip and shakes his head. “It’s been-“ air whooshes out of his lungs. “A long time since I’ve been called that.” Caroline being alive and healthy makes the last time he heard that particular phrase only bittersweet, the ache in his heart still there, but it doesn’t bleed this time. “I still can’t believe I have her some days.”

"We're lucky to have you, Joel." That is something you believe with all of your heart, even on the bad days and the hard days and the days when it all feels like too much. "All three of us."

“Everything changed.” Joel acknowledges. “But I’m glad I could keep the three of you safe. Get you here.” He tilts his head. “Do you know how far we are from your family land?”

"The last I heard from anybody, they were actually on the outskirts of Jackson." Having been too afraid to ask, you've kept it to yourself that you might actually have a family home out here with sentimental things that once belonged to your cousins. "I have the address, but...I assume that since the street isn't part of new Jackson, it must be either wrecked or overgrown."

“Do you want me to ask around?” He asks quietly, squeezing your hip gently. “See if I can get out there?”

"Honestly, if it's still around? I would want to go too. But I don't want to risk taking Caroline out to somewhere dangerous again." You shake your head at that idea, not liking it at all. "Not when she's finally safe again."

“No.” Joel is immediately shaking his head. “Our daughter stays behind the walls.” He insists, voice flat and final. Even though you don’t want to take her out, Joel wouldn’t allow it.

“Never a sentence that I thought I would find comforting, but here we are.” The two of you stand silently for a long moment before you sigh. “I know there’s probably nothing left of them,” you repeat, hating how final that is after everything. “But I’d rather know for sure. There might be a memory or two left in the house.”

“Then we will go.” Joel hates that you haven't found any of your people yet, although they may just not be around much. It’s a vain hope, but he has it for you.

“And we’ll go see the doctor.” That’s a more pressing trip, if you’re honest with yourself. Any birth control at all would be useful, even if it’s only by a little.

“I don’t have to be inside you.” Joel murmurs softly, knowing that as much as he loves your cunt around you, your health is more important.

“There are plenty of ways to be intimate.” With one hand on his chest, you rub small, soothing circles there for a second and kiss his jaw before his lips. “But we’re still going to go see that doctor. I like having sex with you too much to just give it up cold turkey.”

He huffs out a small laugh and he smirks at you. “Got addicted, huh? Even when you sometimes have to ride?”

“Don’t be so smug.” An attempt to frown or even look somewhat stern fails you, though, and you end up throwing a matching smirk back at him. “I…like that we don’t go our separate ways the next morning.”

“You and Caroline, Ellie…” he pulls you closer. “You’re all that matters to me. Keeping you safe.”

Cup of tea and simmer stew pot long forgotten, you turn in Joel’s arms to face him fully and put your arms around his neck. “We love you too, handsome. All of us. In very different ways.”

He grumbles slightly but he doesn’t argue. Knowing that it’s useless to argue with you. “Yeah, yeah.”

You hum, grinning that he doesn’t protest it anymore, and kiss the tip of his nose. “You’re cute when you blush.”

He rolls his eyes and his hands slide down to your ass. “Yeah? You’re cute when you’re naked underneath me and chanting my name over and over again.”

“Joel…” A knot in your belly forms instantly, making you squeeze your thighs together in turn.

He grins at you and winks. “Good thing you took that nap, huh?” He teases softly. “Now you need to eat a good meal to make sure you won’t pass out on me from hunger.”

“This,” you huff, laughing at the way the two of you have just clicked back together so easily over the last few months. “This is why we need that doctor. We’re too horny for our own good.”

“Kind of hard to fuck on the road.” He reminds you with a laugh of his own. “Now we have a bed, a door that locks.”

“And a real mattress and box spring for that old man back of yours.” Not that you don’t appreciate it too, of course. But of the two of you, Joel definitely has more aches and pains.

“Damn right. And the bed is comfortable.” He snorts, remembering that shitty, worn out mattress he had in Boston. “Did I mention that Ellie isn’t sleeping three feet from us?”

“And we don’t have to worry about Caroline rolling or crawling away, or any of a million other things.” The fingers of one of your hands thread into his hair and you hum as you press yourself against him right there in the kitchen. “Of course, there’s also the kitchen counter…”

The way his cock twitches in his pants is a good indication that he had been thinking along those lines too. “Kid’s upstairs, reading.” He grunts, pressing his lips under your ear just like he’s discovered makes you shiver. “Baby’s asleep. If we make it quick, we can do it.”

“I should just stop wearing pants around you,” you tease, already shifting both of you backward so that you’re the one pressed up against the counter. “So we can be as fast as we want.”

“We can always find you some skirts.” He hums, sliding his hands down to your jeans and around the front to unbutton them. “When you’re inside Jackson. I wouldn’t want you to wear them outside the walls.” He says seriously, frowning slightly at what could possibly happen. Clickers or humans.

The soft chuckle that escapes you is a little rougher than usual just because he's shoving your jeans down your hips, but you still shrug your shoulders. "We're horny, not stupid. Skirts are only for when it's safe."

Joel has become a little feral now that your relationship has progressed back to physical. There’s something about you being the mother of his child that seriously gets Joel going. He had never had that since his ex had disappeared out of his and Sarah’s life so early, but he was not upset with the discovery. Your body was softer, marked by motherhood and he found it incredibly sexy. “Then you need to see the doctor.” He growls. “Because I might just bend you over a table every time Caroline naps.”

He barely has your jeans pulled off in time for you to hop up on the counter, legs open for him to fill the space between even as you start to work open the belt he wears day in and day out. Frenzied kisses take up the space where there could be more words, but oxygen is precious when you're doing your damnedest to drown in each other while your baby girl sleeps.

Most intimate moments were rushed, quiet and out in the open. Using his fingers on you to give you pleasure while the girls slept. Because of that, he knows exactly how to touch you to make sure you are wet.

"Joel—" You have to bite back a whine the second his fingers find you, already wet and aching just from talking about sex and not even from him touching you. Hell, kissing him is still enough to make your cunt bottom out and you hope that never changes.

“That’s it, baby.” Joel growls against your neck softly. “Want that pretty pussy nice and wet. You want to cum before I fuck you? Or do you want to cum on my cock?” He swirls his fingers around your clit and then presses them into you to curl up and strike against that spongy spot deep inside near your cervix.

You could protest that there isn’t time for two, but you know Joel would make it happen. He’s learned your body fast, and how to wring pleasure out of you as fast or as slow as he wants to. “O—on you,” you manage to pant out two coherent words and try for a few more. “Want to cum on your cock, Joel. Please?”

“I love when you beg, baby.” He groans, having heard so many people beg him over the years. Often for their lives when there’s no saving them, but this is what he loves. You, begging for him to make you feel good. “You’ll cum on my cock, baby. All over it.”

“Always do.” The way you shift forward on the counter is proof of how eager you are, in case he wasn’t sure. Every time you shift or roll your hips, his fingers stroke that spot again and you have to bite back a moan.

“I know you do.” He grunts, unbuttoning his pants to pull his hard cock out. “Always so good for me.”

It goes back to the first time he called you his good girl, and you know it. That was the moment you called it quits on any resistance whatsoever. “Always. Fuck, always, baby.”

Joel smirks and pumps his cock, listening to make sure that the kid isn't coming downstairs. He doesn't want to scar her, but he doesn't want to wait to get you upstairs. He groans when he has to pull his fingers out of you and hums. "You ready?"

"I don't think there's ever a time when I'm not." You nod enthusiastically, glancing up at the closed door that leads from the kitchen to the living room, and when no sound can be heard from your sleeping daughter you look back to Joel. "Take what you want, baby. I'm just along for the ride."

It only takes a moment to notch himself at your entrance, his lips fused with yours as he starts to push inside you. Loving how tight you immediately squeeze his cock inside your walls.

Every sound you have gets poured into that kiss, muting your moans and whines so they don't echo through the house. In this position the best thing you can do is hang onto the counter and let Joel take what he wants — exactly as you said — and that kiss is another perfect way to stay connected to him as he starts to move.

There’s a perfect rhythmic pace he can keep that doesn’t hurt his back and still keeps your toes curling in their socks. He’s tested it, although he never told you and he uses that pace now. Holding onto your hips as he rocks into you again and again, swallowing your moans greedily as he basks in your utter want of him.

One hand has to move to his shoulder, clutching his shirt as he fucks into you hard enough that it feels like he's stealing your breath but not so hard that you'll end up walking funny and give away what you've been up to. No doubt Ellie has noticed by now, but there's no reason to rub it in. There's just nothing better than basking in Joel's full attention. In being his sole focus. lt's like coming home.

Once he’s broken away from your lips, there’s not a part of your exposed skin that Joel doesn’t kiss. Loving to nibble and kiss along your neck and chest. Inhaling the milky scent of your breasts, heavier since Caroline is due for a feeding when she wakes up. Though he doesn’t touch them, knowing they need to be left alone for his child. “Fuck.”

"So good." With his ear right by your mouth, you can just gasp and sigh right there for only him to hear. "Always fuck me so good."

“This little pussy was made for me.” Joel grunts, loving how you spasm around him when he pours filth into your ears. Sometimes his fingers and words get you off so quickly, he’s amazed you haven’t been worked up all day. “Squeezin’ me so tight.”

"Can't help it," you chuckle low in his ear and have to bite back a gasp when his hips hit yours sharply. "Your cock's just so fucking big.'

He snorts and twitches inside of you at the breathless praise. “You gonna cum for me, pretty girl?” He asks, moving one hand down so he can rub your clit as he thrusts into you.

"'M close, baby." The breathless promise comes on a whine and you have to work to not just let your mouth hang open and Joel's rhythm picks up and the broad pad of one of his thumbs skates over your slick, swollen clit. "So fucking close, oh god."

His teeth snap together, breathing heavily and his face is almost set in a determined frown. Watching you as his hips shuffle forward to fill you again and again. Loving how your body heaves and lurches every time he swipes his fingers over your clit, almost overstimulated - you’re so close. “Be my good girl, baby.” He growls. “Cum for me.”

Whether you’re responding to his praise or to the near overstimulation is anyone’s guess, but it’s only a moment later that your legs start to tense and shake around his waist and your mouth falls open in a silent sob as you come apart for him.

The heat, the pressure around his cock is exquisite as you start to cum. The rush of wetness helps him move when your walls squeeze tight and he loves the nearly non existent sound you make. Taking his hand off your hip, grabbing the back of your neck and dragging your lips back to his as he fucks you through your orgasm.

These are the times — mid orgasm with a foggy brain and no filter for your thoughts — that you wish Internally for another baby. Accident or planned, it doesn’t matter to you. It’s just that flash of a thought as your climax washes over you that you know will subside again but it makes you hold onto his kiss that much tighter. Grateful for what you do have. For him and for Caroline, above all.

He feels your body relax, going boneless as he continues to batter against your fluttering walls. He’s close but he can’t pull out just yet. “Fuck.” He groans. “So pretty when you cum.” The praise is whispered against your lips.

“Just for you,” you promise in a shaky breath, practically gulping down air as the intensity of your orgasm subsides.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He hisses, regret lacing his tone because he’s having to pull his hips back. Letting go of you and wrapping his hand around his cock as he starts to quickly jerk himself off, the other hand poised to catch the mess so there isn’t a huge cleanup of the counters.

If you could have gotten there quickly, you’d be on your knees to catch every last drop, but you definitely move a little bit slower after he’s just gotten done fucking you — mostly just because your legs are jelly. Instead you watch Joel with dark eyes, satisfied temporarily but always wanting. It’ll be another few hours before he can even think of going again, but that doesn’t mean you won’t daydream about him.

It’s not as satisfying as when he’s buried to the hilt inside, but he can’t risk it, can’t risk you. Clenching his jaw, he hisses slightly as he stops stroking his cock, panting as he looks up at you and leans in to kiss you once more.

“I love you.” Simple words, but loaded with so much emotion that you sigh a little after saying them. “So much, Joel.”

“I love you too.” He promises, pulling back to take his cum filled hand to the sink to wash before he gets a rag for you. “Don’t ever think I don’t.”

“Well it was a little touch and go there while we weren’t anywhere near each other,” you tease, flashing him a grin. “But I don’t anymore. I promise.”

Snorting, Joel rolls his eyes at you and after washing his hands, he soaps up a rag and comes back over to you to clean you up. “Hush.” He grumbles, biting his lip as he spreads your thighs again.

“Never.” Instead your grin widens and you steal another kiss while he cleans you up. Only after that do you carefully hop down from the kitchen counter to pull your clothes back on.

Right as you are buttoning your pants, he hears the first little squawk from Caroline and grins. “I’ll change her.” He tosses the rag into the diaper pail to soak. “Drink your lukewarm tea before you come feed her.” He orders, kissing your temple before he walks out of the kitchen, already buttoned and buckled back up.

“Yes, sir.” There’s not even any point to protesting. You just pick up your tea and admire his ass as he strides out of the room.

Caroline is definitely feeling better, waving her arms and squealing when she sees Joel. The bubbly, happy grin on her adorable face never fails to bolster his spirits, which are always pretty high after being intimate with you. “Just like your momma.” He teases as he picks her up with a grunt. “Always squealing.”

With the door open it isn’t really difficult, but you still lean out from the kitchen and huff just loudly enough for him to hear. “I heard that.” Not that he’s wrong. Not at all.

Joel chuckles, nudging his nose against his daughter’s cheek and listening to her gurgle. “You were supposed to, baby.” He tells you, grinning at Caroline when he pulls back. “You were supposed to.”

******

Joel spends a decent portion of the next few days out of the house, helping Tommy with some vague project that you don't think much of. He had taken Ellie with him once but she has been mainly at home with you. The town is enjoying their preparations for Valentine's Day at the end of the week, and from time to time you've found yourself daydreaming about Joel doing something spontaneously romantic but you aren't expecting anything. It's not as though he can pop into a jewelry store or go down to the sweet shop for chocolates. Even flowers aren't really on the docket these days. It doesn't matter. Not really. All that matters is that he comes home safe every night, and Joel definitely does that.

It had been a pain in the ass, but the pram is finished; even Tommy is impressed with the final product and Joel had used some stuffing from cushions to make a padded layer on the bottom to make it more comfortable for Caroline. It’s got a back that can be adjusted to tilt up for when she’s older and a cover for the sun or rain. Now, he’s just waiting on the varnish to dry and it will be ready.

It’s late morning when he comes back from Tommy’s today, looking as pleased with himself as Joel ever does, and your plan to go down to Jackson’s seamstress to inquire about a skirt or dress goes by the wayside immediately. “Hey handsome.” Out on the porch with Caroline against your chest, you wave to him when you see him approach.

“Hey.” He climbs the steps with only a slight protest from his knees and gives Caroline a quick kiss before letting his own linger on your lips for a moment. “So, they are having a movie tonight for the celebration.” He reminds you, as if that’s not been the topic of the town for days.

“Did you want to go?” He hasn’t mentioned it at all so you wondered if maybe he was ignoring Valentine’s altogether.

“Was thinking that if you wanted to go, we could.” He shrugs one shoulder and shuffles his feet as he reaches into his jacket pocket. “Unless you want to stay home and read.”

“Read what?” You’re looking at his face, not his hands, and it takes an enigmatic smile from Joel before you glance down and see a very official card sitting in his hand. It’s a business card for the old Jackson public library, printed and crisp, but when he flips it over you see your name scrawled there in beautiful cursive and gasp. “What is this?”

“There’s a town library.” Joel explains. “They collected all the books out of the houses and any they brought back from scouting missions.” He smiles. “Thought you might like to go browse and check some out.”

“Honey.” Instantly your arms are around him, squeezing him into your side so you can show him how grateful you are without crushing Caroline between you in the process. “This is incredible. A library? That’s — it’s so sweet of you.” The grin on your face is wide, spreading to overtake you by the second. It might not be just anyone’s perfect Valentine’s gesture, but it’s definitely yours. “Thank you, love.”

He huffs in relief that you aren’t upset at his gesture. “You’re welcome. I knew you would want to read some more.”

“I wonder if they gathered up all the kids' books, too?” More bedtime stories for Caroline would be amazing as she gets older. Right now lullabies still do it when she’s fussy, but you don’t expect that to last much longer.

“I’m sure they have. Which will be amazing for Caroline.” He had read to Sarah from the time she was a baby and wonders if they have some of the books he had read to her. It would be a little tradition to read them to his other daughter.

“Thank you,” you murmur again, leaning against him and pressing a kiss to his cheek before you look down at your daughter. “Can you say thank you Daddy? For being awesome and loving us so, so much?”

“You have to come with me to get the next present.” He snorts, enjoying the way that Caroline automatically coos and waves her arms.

“There’s a next present?” Your head tilts in curiosity and a smile cracks across your face again. “Mr. Miller, you’ve been busy.”

“Not like I can get you flowers or chocolates.” He’s embarrassed by the surprise in your voice and he shrugs.

“You didn’t have to do anything at all. I still know you love me.” The thing about Valentine’s Day is that it has been so surprising to see it revived. It isn’t necessarily as surprising that he is embracing it. Not when he’s working so hard to relieve the sins of his past and whatever happened with Sarah’s mother.

“I know.” He picks up the backpack you had started using as a diaper bag for the baby and glances at you. “You want to carry her? Or do you want me to get our little princess?”

“I’ve got her for now, she’s comfortable.” Sometimes the biggest thing really is her comfort, so you’re not going to disturb your little girl for right now. “Where are we going?”

“Tommy’s workshop.” He picks up her little blanket and throws it over his arm. “Hopefully you like it, it’s more of a practical gift.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it.” If he thought of it? Put care and love into just thinking that you will appreciate it? Then whatever it is will be perfect.

Like all babies and families with babies, it takes a few minutes to get going. The pram should be completely dry, the fans blowing on it and he wonders if you will like to. Sure he could have tried to find one at an abandoned store, but for him, it was about making something. It had been a long time since he had done that and it had felt pretty good.

“Ellie seems like she’s adjusting okay to being back in school.” The walk over to Tommy’s doesn’t take long, and you’re curious to see what he’s been up to with his brother.

“She’s enjoying the school having zero to do with FEDRA.” Joel agrees. “I think she likes the days they take care of the livestock the best. She loves animals.”

"She loves them and she's great with them." Your free hand slips into Joel's while you walk, enjoying the sunny, clear day in spite of the cold. "That's a hell of a valuable skill set in this world. Keeping the livestock happy and healthy is vital."

“Yes it is.” Joel nods. “Tommy and John think they might have gotten that old grist mill working.” He tells you in passing. “The kids are going to have a class on that, come next week.”

"Everything but wheat flour," you joke with a shake of your head. "Although that oat bread was pretty good. John's got a good thing going in that bakery he set up."

“Exactly and there’s a sack of barley seeds they want to plant and make cornmeal.” He has been impressed with Jackson so far and wants to stay here. There’s no reason to go back to Boston and he would never put his daughter under FEDRA control.

Squeezing his hand, you smile up at Joel and cradle Caroline with your other hand. "It's nice here."

“It is.” There are moments where Joel doesn’t trust it, he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the ugliness to infect Jackson, but he wants this to be a haven, for you and Ellie and Caroline. Especially for Caroline. He wants her to be able to grow up without being exposed to the rawness of the outside world as much as possible. To give her a chance at normalcy. “You want to stay, sweetheart?” He asks quietly.

"I can't imagine any place being better for us." On your chest, Caroline is looking around her with the characteristic wonder of an infant, and you grin and place a kiss on her little tuft of hair. "Your brother is here, there's reliable shelter and food. Ellie is safe to the point where she's enjoying school. It's...I'm not going to call it perfect but it feels like spitting in the face of the universe if we just walk away."

“I feel like the other shoe is going to drop, but it’s also the most relaxed I’ve been in years.” Joel admits. “I’ve- there’s more to worry about than me. And I’ve worried a lot since Lake City.” He had tried to hide the panic attacks, but you had seen signs of them. “I think we should stay.”

"You're entitled to worry." It's just a quiet reminder, but it's important that Joel remember that he has permission to feel whatever way he feels about things. Having a family and being a protector in this environment is a stressful thing. "But you're also entitled to be happy."

“That’s the hard part of this to swallow.” Joel admits, squeezing your hand gently. “It’s alright, baby. I want to stay, if you do.”

"If not for us, then for the girls." That's really the key here, and you pick up his hand to press a kiss to the back of it. "I would follow you anywhere. But they deserve whatever childhood we can give them."

“Yes they do.” The door to Tommy’s shop is just up ahead and he smiles slightly. “Hopefully this next gift will help that. At least for one of them.”

"What did you do?" At this point you're too curious not to feel bubbly about it, and you desperately wish the younger Miller brother's workshop had good windows.

“You’ll see.” He chuckles at your curiosity and lets go of your hand so he can open the door. “After you.”

"Come on, baby," you murmur to Caroline, grinning as you duck into the workshop.

Sitting in the middle of the space is a beautifully put together and obviously handmade perambulator, with a padded cloth bottom and a sun visor that...seems to be moveable as well as handcrafted. "Oh my god..." you breathe, stepping into the room further and bending over the pram with tears in your eyes. "Baby...did you make this?"

“I know I could probably find one, somewhere…” Joel can’t tell if you love it or hate it, so he shuffles slightly. “But I wanted to build one that you could use for a long time.”

"Honey, it's beautiful!" The tears in your eyes are pure love and gratitude, and you backtrack immediately to give him a kiss before going to inspect the pram that he put together with his own two hands. "It—it's incredible. You...how long did this take you?"

“It’s what I’ve been working on this week.” Joel explains, walking over to it to show you the shade and how it can flip down to become a basket to put things in.

"I can't believe you did this." There is such a wonder in your voice. Awe and love, and shock that anyone would put this much work into such an enormous gesture.

“Figured she was going to get too busy and too fidgety to haul around on your chest all the time.” He tells you. “Plus it can sit up when she’s really moving.”

"Do you want to see what Daddy made you, honey?" Caroline keeps reaching for the pram like she knows it's hers, and you look to Joel hopefully. "Is it ready for her to try out?"

“Yeah.” He holds up her blanket. “Figured you want a cover on her since she’s not right up against you.”

"It's perfect," you murmur again. Unwrapping her from your chest is a careful process, but soon a squirming little girl is ready to be set down in her very first pram and she giggles with glee just as soon as you lay her blanket over her. "Daddy made you the perfect little pram so we can push you around and let you see town without having to be attached to my chest the whole time."

“Tommy helped too.” Joel admits, pleased that you seem thrilled with the pram. “He wants to make one for Maria now.”

"Brand new family heirlooms." It's a magical and unexpected gesture, that you reach down to tickle Caroline's belly and can't resist kissing Joel, as well. "This kind of puts my Valentine's surprise to shame, babe."

“No it doesn’t.” Joel immediately frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t have to do anything for me.”

"You didn't have to do anything for me, either." With a grin, you lean over and kiss his cheek again while Caroline looks around her pram in wonder. "I went to see the doc the other day." He's been busy — apparently building you a damn stroller with his own two hands — so you had taken it upon yourself to go in the meantime.

“Yeah?” Joel’s eyes widen slightly and he looks Caroline in her pram to you. “And?”

"And." He looks like he might jump up and down from excitement, and you can't help but laugh. "She had a diaphragm for me."

He frowns and tries to remember what the hell that is. It’s been a long time since he’s talked about birth control in depth. “That- that’s that thing that goes inside you before sex, right?”

“Right.” Another giggle escapes you, and you lean into his side. “It’s not full proof, but it’s something.”

“Yeah.” Joel knows that no birth control is perfect, but he feels better with that. “Do you still want to have me pull out?” He asks seriously.

“Is it irresponsible to say no?” You just want to feel him completely, but you’ll understand if he declines. You’ve already brought one baby into the world, the idea was to prevent two. “It’s your decision, love. All I care about is getting to be close to you.”

“I say we keep track of your cycle like you normally do.” Joel murmurs. “I’ll pull out when you’re ovulating.”

“In that case.” The grin on your face turns absolutely devilish. “No need to pull out tonight.”

Joel blows out a loud breath and reaches down to adjust himself. “That’s the best fuckin’ Valentine’s you could ever give me.”

“I thought you might like it.” Compared to what he’s done? It’s barely anything at all. But the chance to be as close to each other as possible is something you’ve both been craving as you’ve realized the depth of feelings you have.

“Love it.” Joel growls, reaching for you to pull you close and press his lips to yours for a quick and harsh kiss.

“Love it a lot. Got it.” You melt against him and bury your face in his chest, glad to be held in his arms for even a few moments at a time. “We’ll have some grown up time after the movie tonight?”

"Already asked Ellie if she would mind the bassinet being in her room." He tells you with a grin. "Bottles ready."

“Scheming!” You erupt into giggles, cheeks burning hot and desire starting to ache in your core. “You have been scheming.”— Today at 8:02 PM

"I have been scheming." He admits shamelessly. "And there's one more thing that I have to give you."Today at 8:07 PM

“Joel.” A pout comes with a tilt of your head and you shake it immediately. “Baby, no. You’ve already done so much.”Today at 8:12 PM

"This is something from me....for you." He promises softly. "I wanted to give you something that shows you how much I love you." He swallows. "Do you want it now, or do you want me to - you know, make it romantic?" Today at 8:25 PM

“I want you to do whatever will make you happiest.” Another soft kiss between you makes you melt that much more. “I’ll love it no matter what.”day at 8:33 PM

"I kind of want to give it to you now, before I lose the damn thing." Joel admits with a huff of amusement, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a faded velvet box.at 8:42 PM

“What…?” It may be a long while since the last time you walked into a jewelry store, but you still remember what a ring box looks like as your eyes flick between the box and Joel. “Honey?”day at 8:52

"It's- do you know how fucking hard it was to remember birthstones?" He snorts, shaking his head. "I wanted to get you something that had meaning. That's symbolic of how we came together."

He holds it out to you a little more surely and you realize your hands are shaking a little when you reach to open it. The ring inside has been cleaned, it's shining in the dim sunlight streaming into the workshop and the tears spill over immediately. "You—you figured out Caroline's birthstone?" It had never occurred to you to even try to think of what it would be, although you did figure out what her zodiac was while holding her one night right after she was born. y at 9:13 PM

"Yeah." He looks down at the ring and smiles. "There was a book in the library." He admits, not wanting you to think he was some kind of genius. "You told me when she was born, and I'm never gonna forget that." He bites his lip. "I was thinking you could wear it like an engagement ring or whatever, if you want."y at 9:18 PM

"Are you saying you want me to wear it like an engagement ring, or that I can think of it that way if I want to?" Slipping the ring out of the box, it's obvious immediately that it will fit you pretty perfectly and you wonder if Joel tried to do any sneaky measuring of your ring finger while you were sleeping or something like that.t 9:21 PM

He bites his lip and resists the urge to fold his arms over his chest. "I want- it's kind of up to you, baby." He reminds you. "I should ask you though, right?" He's talking to himself, rolling his eyes at how he is bungling it up. "Do you want to get married? If they do weddings here?"9:29 PM

If you were going to tease him, you would remind him that his brother and Maria got married. That there is something like marriage here in Jackson, even without the way weddings were in the past. And the end of the world, marriage is about a commitment between people. Not about a thousand dollar dress or haggling over the guest list. And honestly? That is the way you would have wanted it even back then. "Yes," you nod, that smile spreading back across your face as you hold your shaky hand out to him. "Yes, I absolutely do."35 PM

Joel takes the hint, carefully pulling the ring from the box and taking your hand gently to push the ring onto your finger. "It fits." He sighs out in relief. "Tying a string around your finger to measure it worked." He looks up into your eyes with a grin. "How do you like it?"t 9:41 PM

"It's perfect." Wrapping your arms around his neck, you press into his space and let yourself just breathe him in. Grateful for the coincidence that brought you together, for the accident that has sealed your connection, and for the love that has bound you. "I love you."

“I love you too, baby.” Joel vows softly, pressing his lips to yours. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

______

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[ohcaptains]

what if this is real?

pairing. ellie williams x female! reader

an. i'm gonna pretend that this isn't my first fic in six months and just move on...anyway. um. hi? i hope you enjoy -- not my usual filth. love u.

synopsis. it's the end of the world, but there's still parties to attend. or, the first kiss in yours and ellie's situationship.

warnings. kissing -- suggestive language and swearing. probably the most tame i've written in a hot min!

You’re standing in front of Ellie’s door, thinking, fuck this.

It would be easy to turn around and pretend that you’ve forgotten all about the party. You could pretend that you’d slept through the whole thing. Ignore the – eventual – banging on your door, and the husk of Ellie’s voice penetrating the wood, asking, Babe, you sleeping?

Your cold fingers reach down and tug at your rising skirt, and you think -- for the third time this night -- that you shouldn’t have worn this God damned outfit.

The alcohol you’d downed before trudging over here quiets that voice a little, but you’re always nervous around Ellie.

If you told her that, she’d scoff and laugh you off. It was true, though. She made you go all doe-eyed and dumb.

The thought of her complimenting you made you wear this silly outfit, and It was winter, for fucks sake.

You knock on her door, déjà vu washing over you. How many times have you stood, nervous, at Ellie’s door? You chew on your bottom lip, playing with the hem of your skirt still.

“Coming!” Ellie’s familiar cadence immediately hollers.

She fumbles around with something, and when she opens the door, she’s tugging a simple tank top over her muscular belly.

You briefly glance at her middle, eyes finding the faint lines of her abs.  

“Well don’t you look nice,” she teases.

When you eventually drag your eyes to her eyes, she’s giving you a once-over, a teasing beam on her pretty, freckled face.

As if to get a better look at your outfit, she pushes her loose auburn hair behind her ears.

Music floods through the open door – some shitty indie band she had a thing for – but all you can hear is the rush of blood in your ears from her previous compliment.

It wasn’t all that great– she’d said you had looked nice – but that, plus the interest in her green eyes as she examines you, has your belly swirling.

Ellie steps back to get a better look. She licks the corner of her mouth and nods to you. “Twirl for me.”

Your eyes automatically roll, but you listen anyway -- hands out at your waist, you do a little slow twirl. Ellie whistles low.

When you face her again, she’s leaning against the door frame, muscular arms crossed over her chest and grinning cockily. “Oh yeah, putting on a show for me.” “Shut up – are you coming?” you ask, ignoring the heat that finds you and jabbing a thumb behind you.

Ellie drags her eyes away from the cut of your skirt, glancing into the distance. She nods as if she’s just remembered. As she nods, small bits of hair flutter onto her broad shoulders.

Her white tank is damp, too, with small patches of water staining the fabric.  

“Oh yeah, I just got distracted. My hair was touching my shoulders weird, so I’m trying to cut it but I think I’ve fucked up the back.”

Trust Ellie to get that distracted and take up such a monumental task before a party. You motion for her to turn.

“Twirl for me.”

Begrudgingly, she does, managing to roll her eyes.

“Oh my god,” you suddenly gasp, hands flying to your mouth, “what have you done?”

Ellie spins, grabbing the back of her head in a panic.

“What?” she asks, green eyes wide. Just as quick as you put the act on, you drop it with a shrug. “It’s fine, just slightly uneven.”  

“You’re an asshole, get in here.”

She grabs your hand and yanks you in, closing the door behind you. The speed makes you dizzy, so you grab a hold of her shoulders, trying to steady yourself.

“Whoa – gimmie a minute,” you whisper, trying to blink the world back into the frame.

Ellie immediately bends to look at you, confused.

There’s a beat where she’s concerned, and she gives you another once over, trying to see if there’s anything physically wrong. “The fuck is wrong with you?” she asks, nervous laughter bubbling out of her lips. “I’m –” you start to admit, blinking the fuzz away. Ellie watches you put your forefinger and thumb together, squinting, explaining that you’re, “– slightly drunk,” and she frowns, her face hard, waiting for you to explain further. “I’m wearing a skirt,” you simply state, and her frown deepens, mouth quirking to the side. She glances down, eyeing the short fabric.

“I noticed,” she bleats. “And I needed a little liquid courage…” you let out an exasperated sigh, shaking your head at yourself. “Neil’s homemade wine is no joke.” “Okay, sit down,” Ellie orders.

She begins to walk towards you, using her body to edge you closer to her bed, and you frown, asking, “What?” but still, you move with her. You try and explain that “I’m fine,” but Ellie just shakes her head, “Sit down, before you fall down.”

She can’t be serious. She’s seen me drunk before…worse than this. “El- “you begin, and her face tenses, no more fun Ellie. Her hard tone is unwavering as she asks, “Do I have to pick you up and sit you down myself?”

Your eyes widen, and there’s a beat of silence where your body reacts to her words.

Holy shit, you think, cheeks going hot. You have to laugh to hide it – have you push your thighs together.

The fuck was that?

“Ooo, okay,” you scoff, hands up, brows wiggling, and you let Ellie finish walking you to her unmade bed. You bounce onto the mattress, hands in your lap obediently.

The desire to explain hits you again, and you push at the mattress, saying, “Ellie, seriously, I’m fine.”

It’s a lie – every time you twist your head, the world turns – and the sudden concern from her is slightly overwhelming, if not embarrassing.

Still, she ignores your comment and walks to the sink, pouring you a glass of water, and then she grabs something from a wooden box. She thrusts both into your hands. “A bran muffin?” you question, staring at the lopsided baked good. Ellie pushes the glass to your face, and you glance up at her over the rim.

Her jaw is tense with unease, and her shoulders are rolled back, heavy with responsibility.

When you don’t move, she leans down, and her face is blurry, hand blurry, as you see the side of it before she taps your cheek softly.   “Drink and eat – I’m gonna finish my hair.”

Then she turns to the bathroom, and you watch her muscular back disappear.

90’s indie pours into her little apartment, and you sit, dumbfounded at what has just happened.

You diligently sip at the water.

Ellie is always a little hot-headed, and yeah, when you mucked about on runs, she’d snap into leader mode, but the alcohol, threaded with the warmth of her apartment, your nerves, and the bare skin of her neck and arms – the slither of skin between her belt and hem of her top – have you befuddled.

She’d slipped into protective mode so quickly.

Was a little mean about it too.

You lay back on her bed, pulling the hem of your skirt down to try and cover your bare thighs, and frown at her ceiling, munching on the muffin.

Come to think of it, Ellie had been odd these last couple of weeks.

Your usual flirtatious banter has been edged with something else, and she was glancing at you more often – ushering you in front of her on runs, so she could watch your back. Pulling you behind her all the same.

Do I have to pick you up and sit you down myself?

You sip at the water and nibble on the muffin. Mindlessly rub circles into your lower thigh, thinking about the way she crooked her scarred brow and the hardness of her features.

Challenge me, I dare you.

Ellie always took a lot on, and she has been stressed more than usual recently, but she didn’t have to be a dick about it.

You push your bottom lip out, thinking at the ceiling. You think about her though, and something sickly sweet still swirls in your belly.

It makes your cheeks heat, and you blink away the sudden fever, clenching your eyes closed.

You manage to finish the water and the muffin, but your belly still feels funny. Hands are clammy, skin prickly.

Maybe you’re drunker than you thought.

You decide to get more water.

As you get to her kitchenette, she glances at you from the bathroom beside it.

“You okay?” she asks, and you turn to her. She’s mid-chop, the scissors loosely sitting in her grip. She’s also taken her top off. Now donning only her bra and jeans, the swirl in your belly doubles.

The sight is not uncommon for you, but you find it hard to be angry at her when she’s half-naked.

There’s a light dusting of loose auburn hair on her shoulders, and she drops the scissors, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair.

You glance down at her chest, seeing the faint muscles flex as she stretches. Her jeans hang low around her hips, and it’s only then that you notice they’re unbuttoned.

How hadn’t you noticed that before?

“Babe?” “Hm?” you hum, snapping back to her. She’s wearing a bold smile. Your throat constricts. “I asked if you were okay.” “Oh –” you start, quickly turning to the sink. You pour more water, shaking your head. You remember where you are. Remember what’s happening.

“No,” you start, crossing your arms under your chest, “you were mean.” Ellie pauses. When you turn back to her, there’s an amused smile on her face, “Mean?” she asks, “Yeah – “you firmly jut, sipping your water. “I’m not a child Ellie.” Ellie mimics your stroppy face and puts her arms under her chest, too.

You risk a glance at her chest and see that her nipples are hard, peaking through the soft fabric of her bra.

Fuck. You snap back to her face.

“What do you mean?” she questions, cocking her head to the side. She begins to sway towards you, and you don’t move as she comes to rest in front of you – your back to the kitchen counter. There’s a second where your brain short-circuits. You forget that you’re meant to be mad at her. Her long fingers reach up, and you glance at her hand, breath caught in your throat. She smooths your hair behind your ear, inches away, “You’re my wittle baby.”

“You’re annoying,” you quickly groan, trying to suppress your smile as you turn to put the glass in the sink.

Ellie groans, “Ughhhh, I know I know, I’m awful—” and reaches around to take the empty glass from you and put it in the sink.

You stare at it. You could have done that. You were about to do that.

 She takes your hand, turning you to face her again.

“Come help me with the back.”

Your intertwined hands rest between you, pushing against your bare thigh.

Ignoring it seems like the wisest path. “Why should I?” you quirk, a faux frown on your face.

She’d put your glass in the sink. She’d taken the glass out of your hand and put it in the sink for you. Ellie pouts, pushing her bottom lip out, and she leans her full body weight on you, hips flush against yours, suddenly so close as she whispers, “You don’t want me to look pretty?”

Your belly flips. The smell of her, citrusy and damp, floods your nostrils, and you try to blink away the sudden dizziness that threatens to wash over you.

It’s then that you realise you’re not all that drunk anymore.

It’s just Ellie.

Your eyes flick down to her lips.

You trace the pink of them, focusing on the little cut she’s got there from chewing nervously. The air is suddenly thicker – all-consuming, and on your belly, you feel the brush of the button on Ellie’s jeans.

Warmth blooms, confusing and sudden.

Ellie’s silent. Looking up at her, you find that she’s studying you, too. Lavish green bathes you and you feel her unlock her hand from yours, pushing them onto the countertop on either side of your hips. The movement forces her closer, and you instinctually lean back, gasping as she follows you, forehead against yours.

You grab the back of her neck to stabilise yourself.

Her hands have moved to hold your hips.

There’s a fleeting second where you think she’s going to kiss you, but she instead brushes her nose against yours, and your mouth opens, a small hush of breath escaping.

Whatever this is, it’s never happened before. This is uncharted territory.

Your fingers stuff into her loose auburn strands, and you look down at where your body connects, seeing the tops of her breasts in the fabric bra. Her hardened nipples push at the cotton.

You drag your lips together, inhaling a shaky breath.

Looking back to Ellie, she’s watching you watch her. A small, crooked smile has absorbed her lips, and her cheeks are flushed pink, warm under your curious gaze.

She looks at your mouth, pushes her forehead against yours again, and inhales deeply, exhaling as she whispers, “Really wanna kiss you.”

Your heart picks up speed, the beat of it making your skin prickle -- your fingers numb.

A nervous panic finds you, and words fail as Ellie lazily gazes at your lips.

Your fingers move in her hair, cradling the back of her head, and, “Kiss me, then,” you whisper.

You barely see Ellie’s fleeting smile before she’s moving to press her lips to yours.

Her touch is tentative. Nervous, as she thumbs your hips, soft lips brushing against yours. Your eyes flutter closed, leaning into her mouth, and Ellie hums, the sound of it echoing through your body.

She pulls away for a second – maybe to centre herself - but you come back, excitedly brushing your tongue over her lips before kissing her, swallowing the surprised groan she emits.

Her hands tighten on your hips, while yours come to clutch the back of her head again. She tastes warm and new, the feeling unfamiliar, but you quickly become accustomed to it as she tongues her way into your mouth, body pressing tight against yours.

Heat consumes, warm and sudden.

For a fleeting second, you think, I’m kissing my best friend, but the thought is pushed away as Ellie’s hands greedily push behind you, flattening against your ass.

A gasp flutters out of your mouth, followed by an immediate swirl in your belly.

You move your hand, massaging the muscular side of her stomach. The kiss picks up as your hands move, your thumb running over the band of her bra.

Ellie whispers your name, desperate and breathy, and suddenly, it’s all too real -- you pull away.

Your eyes flutter open, and you swallow a gasp.

“We’re going to be late,” you rush, hand flattening on her stomach. Ellie takes a minute to collect herself. You can’t look at her as she watches you, emotions a whirlwind.

Eventually, her breathing settles. “Shit, yeah. The party,” she whispers, and she pulls back, hands leaving your body, the heat dispersing. She itches the back of her neck, nervously looking around. “Er – fuck. Lemme put a shirt on,” and as she looks for one, you lean against the counter, head hung back as you silently curse at the ceiling.

The walk to the party is silent.

Ellie – bless her heart – keeps a tight grip on your hand, thinking you’re still tipsy, but the alcohol has faded from your veins, replaced by a thicker, more visceral intoxication.

The touch of her is maddening.

You try and keep up, but your brain is foggy, and you’ve suddenly forgotten the way to the Tipsy Bison.

Ellie’s hand in yours is like a homing beacon.

Really wanna kiss you.

That’s what she’d said, right? The tenor of her voice consumes your mind, followed by the taste of her, and the slow-building desperation as she pulled you against her.

You hear the reverberating sound of her quick breathing as the bar comes into view, bright lights pouring out of its windows.

When Ellie pushes the door open, she drops your hand.

“Look who decided to finally show up!” Jesse hollers when he sees you. A hot acid shoots through your chest.

“I’m gonna get a drink,” you mumble, pulling away. Ellie glances at you, eyes sombre, and you think she’s about to say something, but no words make it out. “What’d I miss?” you hear Jesse ask. You clench your hand together. Really wanna kiss you.

Of course, Joel is behind the bar. His smile is welcoming and warm as he takes you in.

“Fashionably late?” he quirks as you lean against the wood.

“Er, yeah. Something like that,” you mumble, then motion behind you.

“Your girl always has the best timing.” Joel squints. He flicks his curious gaze between you and Ellie, noting the way she’s watching you, and his mouth twists, teasing. “I think you mean your girl.”

“What?” you snap, head craning to Joel. His smile widens. Panic blooms again. “She say something?” you rattle, not bothering to hide the eagerness in your tone, and Joel shakes his head, pouring you a drink. He pours two, and slides them to you, “Not a word.”

The night passes in a blur. You spend most of it with Claire from the Kitchen, ignoring the burn at the back of your neck from Ellie’s eyes.

It doesn’t matter where you scamper off too – her gaze always finds you, searing a hole in your spine.

At one point, Claire cuts you off mid-sentence, “Sorry, Ellie’s looking at me weird.” “What?” you ask, turning immediately. You find the green-eyed girl staring, and when you glance at her, she quickly snaps away, almost flinching. With a sigh, you turn back to Claire.

“It’s not you – it’s me. It’s—” you shake your head, “—a long story.” “Well, maybe you can explain later because she’s coming our way.” You twist, and sure enough, Ellie is pushing through the crowd, half-full drink in hand. When she looks at you, she takes a sip, as if she needs the liquid courage.

Quickly, she’s inches away, and you smell the musky citrusy warmth of her. Take in her frame from your seat in the booth. Really wanna kiss you.

Her eyes find you, and they’re glazed from what looks like whiskey in her tumbler.  “Um. Can we talk? Please,” then, “Hi Claire.”

Claire waves. There’s a beat of silence where you just look at Ellie – your friend, Ellie, who you just kissed – and you find that you’re rooted to the spot.

You don’t want to talk about it.

Don’t want to talk about how dizzy she made you feel, how you’d begged for more, reaching for the warmth of her lips as you dragged your hands over her narrow body.

Kiss me then.

When you don’t move, Ellie’s features freeze, and there’s fear there – please. Please talk to me.

You begin to slide out. Put on a front for Claire who is looking between the pair of you, perplexed. “Yeah, sure Els. Sorry, Claire, I’ll find you, okay?” Ellie holds a hand out for you to hold, but she pulls it back, scornful of the instinct. Shame, as you were about to grab it.  

When you get out of the Tipsy Bison, you realise that the temperature has dropped rapidly.

You’re about to comment on the weather, but Ellie is turning, suddenly, stopping near the notice board and holding her hands up.

“I’m sorry,” she spits, the apology loud in the chilly air.

There’s no one around. They’re all either in bed or at the party, and the empty streets of Jackson make her apology more real, almost – just the two of you.

Music bleeds through the wood, swirling between the pair of you.

She clasps her long fingers together and starts tugging at them, wringing them out like a wet towel.

“I’m – fuck. Fuck, I’m sorry for kissing you it was…” she shakes her head, not able to find the word. Her lip wobbles and you remember that Ellie’s an emotional, needy drunk. “…I’m sorry,” she whispers again, words cracking. She looks at her Converse, ashamed. You take her red hands. Smooth your fingers over the marks she’d rubbed into them, silently begging for her to look at you.

Ellie had never kissed you before. But thinking about it, there’s not an ounce of regret floating in your body.

Confusion, sure but confused because you want it to happen again.

You bend to look at her, saying, with every fibre of your being that “It’s okay.” She’s quick to brush you off. Still looking at the floor, she states, “You were drunk.” “I wasn’t that drunk, Ellie. You’d plied me with food, and I had two glasses of water.” She shrugs, “Still.”

Taking a tentative step closer, you tug her hands, holding them close to your belly. Ellie runs hot and holding her has taken the edge off the chill.

Kiss me then. “I asked you to kiss me, Els.”

And I’d ask you to kiss me again if you weren’t so sad. Did kissing me make you sad, Ellie?

She slowly raises her head. There she is.

You husk, “I’m sorry if I made this confusing.” “No – I. I shouldn’t have,” she flexes her fingers around yours, “said what I said. I didn’t mean it.” Your face falls. Quickly, you try and pull the mask back up, but you squeak, “You didn’t mean it?” Ellies pales.

“Fuck—” she pulls her hands away, turning her back to you.

“I always say the wrong shit.”

Without her touch, the Jackson cold consumes you. A blue wave crashes into you. Lonely.

You’re lonely, standing on the porch of the Tipsy Bison, watching her back move as she rubs the base of her palms into her eyes.

She spits a curse. The air swirls under your skirt, and you suddenly feel a sickly feeling in your belly.

Your voice is a shell of itself when you whisper, “Ellie. We can just forget it happened if that’s what you want.” You get no response.

Had you made it all up? Had you read it wrong? Had Ellie even said what you thought she had?

“Please say something,” you breathe, picking at your nails.

You lick your lips and taste the ghost of her, hot and desperate in her apartment.

The musky taste of her will haunt you. Will consume your dreams, you’re sure of it, and you’ll wake, startling back into Jackson with that Blue Wave knocking into you once again.

Her back flexes. Silence ticks. Music bleeds, tinny – not real. Might as well not be.

The echo of the kiss fizzes at the back of your teeth like the hard-boiled sweet Ellie had slipped you during a drill one morning.

It’s lemon, she whispered, just don’t choke on it when we run.

You turn, ready to run back to your apartment and hide under your duvet.

Rid yourself of this shame that has suddenly consumed you, the Blue Wave that runs cold, but warm Ellie takes your hand, pulling it to her.

A gasp lodges in your throat, and Ellie’s speaking, spewing the truth at you with wild, green eyes.

“I did want to kiss you, fuck. I did. I did, I did---I do!” she brandishes the words like a weapon, planting it into Jackson, the first man on the moon.

 “and I—probably should have waited for a better moment. But you were just—” she huffs, shaking her head at herself, holding your hand like it’s hers and she’s not really holding it, just, feeling it there, the constant feel and not feel of your limb, warm and fuzzy from under the skin.

You watch her swallow down a thousand eventualities, a thousand ways to phrase her thoughts.

Finally, “I do want to kiss you,” she concludes. After a beat, she flashes you a small Ellie smile, and Jackson isn’t cold anymore. It’s summer. “Okay,” you whisper, nodding. “Okay,” she copies. “Cool.” “Yeah,” another Ellie smile, “Cool.” “You wanna go back inside? I’m freezing.” “Yeah,” she nods, holding her/your hand, “Cool.”

[me-and-your-husband]

Bully!ellie !!!!! omg i neeeeeeed

i am obsessed omg

warnings: smut, mean!ellie, fingering (r receiving), fem reader, dirty talk, kinda public sex idk, shitty writing, not proofread, mirror sex

she wouldn't be the typical bully, not ellie. she wouldn't be super popular. she'd never hurt you. she wasn't known as a bully at all. only to you.

it would 100% be one of those instances where "she's only being mean to you because she likes you" like they tell little girls in the third grade (except it's not normalizing abusive relationships let's be real). however, you wouldn't even think that she had any semblance of care in her heart for you.

when she saw you around campus, she'd always make some snide comment loud enough for you to hear to dina or jesse. they'd always tell her to stop being mean, but she couldn't get enough of that look on your face, the look of "what did i ever do to you?".

she'd accidentally shoulder-check you in the hall, sometimes accidentally shoving your books out of your hands. she'd make snide remarks to you in the halls.

you ask for clarification from one of your professors on something menial. she'd laugh, "no shit."

you'd walk into a party wearing something you wouldn't normally wear, something a little more revealing. she'd laugh again. "you're wearing that?" and she'd give you a massive side eye. dina would shove her and just go "tf?"

she'd turn away, trying to mask the blush that crawled up her neck and to her cheeks, trying to mask the way she was sweating a little and her breath was uneven because you were showing more skin than usual and she felt like she was going to go insane if you looked at her like that one more time.

you'd be studying in the library, listening to music with headphones, when she walks up behind you, lifts the ear, and lets it snap back down against your head. she'd walk away chuckling, throwing a smirk at you over het shoulder.

truth is, ellie didn't know how to get your attention any other way, and she needed it. it killed her inside to know she was hurting you, but she just wanted to see your pretty face acknowledge her.

at night, while the moon's blanket was wrapping you in sleep, she'd be ranting to dina or jesse about how much she wanted you to like her back. she was hopeless. they'd always respond with "well, she's never going to be into you if you keep treating her like that."

she'd just huff and roll over in her bed to face the wall. she knew dina and jesse were right. she treated you like that because she knew she'd crumble if she couldn't interact with you anymore, but she couldn't bring herself to show you that vulnerable part of herself. as far as she knew, you weren't even into girls. she was afraid of rejection. not just any rejection, though. she was afraid of being rejected by you.

one, dreary friday night, dina dragged her to some party in the basement of some local. it was a smaller gathering, maybe two dozen people. when she walked in, the smell of weed and alcohol hit her immediately, pulling her through the door and slamming it shut behind her. the music and laughter immediately sucked her in.

she made rounds with dina, grabbing a drink and saying hi to the few people she knew. she had to physically stop her jaw from dropping when she saw you, holding a blunt, legs thrown over some random girl's lap.

dina slammed into her back when she stopped, spilling her drink all over the side of ellie's white t-shirt. "fuck, dina," she said, looking at the damage.

"just go to the bathroom and-" dina paused when she saw what had stolen ellie's attention. "oh, shiiiiit," she breathed out a laugh. "well, that's settled then. anyways, just go scrub it out. it'll be fine."

dina left ellie to go find her other friends. ellie's eyes burned holes in your face as you tugged the smoke in, blowing it out and then blushing at something the girl sitting in front of you had said. she was clearly flirting with you.

your eyes caught ellie's, your brows furrowing a little at the expression on her face. she broke eye contact, shaking her head before finding the bathroom.

she sighed as her fingertips pushed open the door, reaching for the lock after shutting it behind her. she cursed when she realized the lock was broken.

she gripped the edge of the counter as she stared into her reflection. she looked miserable, brows knit together and a scowl on her face. she huffed as she slid her shirt off, leaving her in just a bra. she located the stain and began to scrub furiously with wet tissue, to no avail.

her head snapped towards the door when she heard it click open, readying to cuss whoever it was out. she didn't expect you, slack jawed, to be standing with your back to the door.

"shit! sorry, oh my god," you said as you turned to leave, face and neck turning red.

"wait!" ellie said before she could think. she cleared her throat, "it's fine. it's not a big deal."

you turned back to face her, eyes drifting to her hands holding the shirt over the sink, trying not to look at her body (god, it was hard).

you pointed at her shirt timidly, "want some help?" you said, shuffling your feet, eyes still apologetic.

she looked back and forth between you and the shirt for a few seconds. "by all means," she said, tossing you the shirt and leaning back against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest.

you moved to the sink, grabbing some tissue and wetting the shirt itself where the stain sat. you opted for gentle, deep scrubs instead of ellie's frantic, aggressive scrubbing. your fingers drew the stain out impressively.

"wow. not too bad, pretty girl," she said, grabbing her shirt from your hands.

"pretty girl?" you breathed. "since when?"

she just laughed it off. her fingers felt the fabric where the stain had been, still slightly damp. she noticed that your eyes were raking over her exposed skin, smoothing over her toned stomach and arms, pupils blown.

"like what you see?" she said, smirking. you bit your lip and looked away, flushing even more. she grinned, "tell me, pretty girl."

you avoided her eyes, "...yeah. fine, yes."

she hummed, taking a step closer to you. she held her shirt up in front of you. "should i even bother putting this back on, then?"

you looked up at her, noticing just how close she was. you could feel her warm breath on your lips, making you dizzy. it was so wrong, feeling like this for the girl who had made your life hell for so long. but you couldn't ignore the warm, sticky feeling growing between your thighs.

she backed you up further, so you were caged between her arms against the door. her eyes flickered between yours and your lips, leaning in, ever so slowly. you closed your eyes when she kissed you, whining into it. it was soft, delicate.

she cupped your face as her tongue licked into your mouth. your hips bucked up on instinct, telling her you wanted more. you pressed her against you before she pulled away.

"you want me, baby?" she said. you nodded fervently. "good, cause i want you."

her hands squeezed your hips, turning you around and pulling your back flush to her front. her fingers grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it off. "can i?" she said, hands ghosting over the cups of your bra.

"yes, ellie. please."

she pulled the cups down so your breasts spilled out. her mouth found your neck as she gently playing with your hardening nipples, you moaning at the sensitivity.

she continued sucking marks into your neck, soothing them with her tongue afterwards. her hands slowly crept down to the waistband of your pants, sliding them down to your knees.

she grabbed your hips once again and positioned you right in front of the bathroom mirror, all so you both could see everything she did to you.

"i want you to watch me, baby," she whispered into your ear, eyes meeting yours in the mirror.

you moaned when her hands ghosted over your clit through your damp panties.

"stop teasing," you said.

she hummed, "you're right. i've been waiting long enough."

she pushed your panties to the side, fingers sliding through your cunt and collecting your slick. "so wet for me already."

you moaned as her middle finger pressed into your drenched hole, slowly working deeper inside of you. she moaned at the feeling of you squeezing it.

"feels so good," you said, throwing your head back against her shoulder. her other hand came to your jaw, forcing you to watch her actions in the mirror.

"eyes on me, baby."

her finger worked deeper, the sounds of your slick filling the air obscene.

"need more," you whined, half-lidded eyes meeting hers in the mirror.

she hummed as she dipped her ring finger in next to her middle finger. you gasped at the small stretch, cunt clenching around her fingers deliciously.

a smirk sat permanently on her pretty lips as she worked in and out of you, your juices dripping down her wrist.

"such a slut," she whispered in your ear. "can feel you squeezing my fingers baby. want another one?"

"yes! yes, please ellie!"

"alright, pretty girl," she said, adding her index into your puffy hole. you began to feel the knot forming tighten, sending a rush of heat through your entire abdomen.

"fuck! ellie, gonna cum. gonna— ohhh," you moaned. her mouth covered yours to swallow your moans.

as you came down, ellie nuzzled her face into your neck, gently pulling her fingers out. you met her eyes in the mirror and watched her as she brought her fingers up to her lips, sucking on your sweet juices. she moaned around her digits, savouring the taste.

your pussy clenched even more at the sight.

she moaned, "taste so good, baby. now, let's get out of here so i can really taste you, yeah?"

part 2

let's pretend i don't hate this

permanent taglist: @winters-fairy @idkwhattonamethisblogs

ellie taglist: @chrry1ovr @milly-louise @dankpunks @starhrtz @pedrobaby @urlocalgingersnap

[scarleart]

₊˚ ━☆* just had a random thought, what about gf!ellie fucking you while you have a little cold. i can’t shake this thought away lmfao.

ellie would be knuckles deep in your pussy. your mouth hanging wide open, spewing out raspy mewls and rugged quick breaths as she finger fucked you so deliciously.

she had practically begged to make you feel good, since she seen how miserable you been lately with this sudden cold. she just wanted her girl to feel good and relax, take your mind off the tiredness and fatigue of your body.

every time you sniffled, ellie would quirk the sides of her lip’s up softly. finding you so damn adorable, her fingers picking up it’s pace in your gummy walls. curling them up and groaning when she felt how fucking wet you got.

“mmphn- ellie” you whimpered out to the beautiful freckle faced girl, grabbing onto her wrist to try and keep yourself grounded. at the cry of her name, ellie looks at your features. she could tell you were sick, the sheen and the puffiness that accustomed your face told the story all day long. that and the scrunches of pleasure written across your face make you the most perfect little thing. she smirked softly, deciding not to tease you even though it’s practically in her blood to do so. you were already suffering enough.

“yeah? what is it, babe” her low, sympathetic voice was so fucking sexy. it was the fuel to your goddamn fire.

“it feels s-so, good. baby, please-“ at your croaked whines ellie shushes you, her free hand rubbing at your swollen clit, unable to contain the sweet smile etching her face at the sounds you were making for her.

“shh, i got you baby. gonna make you feel real good, didn’t i tell you that? hm?” ellie asks, looking for an answer. her fingers so sloppy from your wetness, the sound echoing around the whole room.

you nod your head with a whimpered yes leaving you, answering her question. seeing ellie nod with a slight pout, she was so mocking you but she couldn’t fucking help herself.

and what suddenly happened next, made you want to fall deep into the mattress and suffocate.

you sneezed , you fucking sneezed.

and ellie was there watching your face steadily, seeing the exact moment where the sneezed came upon you. she watched the whole thing happened right in-front of her. you sniffled and swipe over your nose with the back of your hand before completely covering your face at the sounds of ellie hearty laughs and low chuckles.

“ellie! stop” you whined, sounding like a bratty child that didn’t get their way. ellie gives you a big kiss on your cheek while still laughing in shock, her fingers leaving from inside of you to rub your slick over your pussy before paying attention to your sensitive nub. making it her mission to make you cum all over her.

“god, i swear you’re the cutest fucking thing i’ve ever seen”

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight: Someone’s Something

Plot: Joel, Y/n and Ellie meet Henry and Sam, who try to convince them to team up to find their way out of Kansas City together.

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: tlou ep.5 spoilers, languge, implied smut, guns, mention of death, sa and loss of a child (16+)

A/N: Happy Valentines, y’all!! My gift to you is some light heartbreak with some fluff to soften the blow 😉

As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist unless your age is specified in your bio. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀

Y’all have blown this lil’ ficlet idea up so much, I’m still shocked it’s this loved. I’m so excited to finish out the second half of the season with you guys. Hang onto your butts 🤍

——————

July 1st, 2002. Austin, Texas.

Y/n had integrated perfectly into the Miller’s life. Sarah adored her, Tommy loved her, and Joel couldn’t get enough of her. He’d never admit it to Sarah, but he was thankful that she’d taken matters into her own hands and snuck down to the hardware store that June day.

In the beginning of July, Sarah went away to a two-week summer camp. Joel and Y/n had seen her off on the bus, Joel fussing over whether or not she had everything she’d need. He didn’t do well when she was gone for more than a day, a combination of missing her dearly and parental worry. Y/n had made it her goal over the course of her trip to distract him as much as she could.

They’d made a dinner date at Joel’s house the day Sarah left, the first of fourteen that Y/n had to keep him busy. His days would be consumed by work, but his nights belonged to them. Y/n knocked on the front door of the house, carrying a six pack she’d picked up on the way.

Joel hurried to the door, swinging it open and enveloping Y/n in a hug. She laughed, clinging to his neck as he literally dragged her into the house. Joel’s lips were on her the second the door shut.

“Missed you,” he mumbled between kisses.

“You saw me, like, six hours ago,” Y/n managed to say.

“Way too long,” Joel smiled against her lips.

Y/n chuckled, “Yeah, well, if I die from lack of oxygen,” she wiggled a hand between their smushed chests, “You’re gonna miss me a whole lot more.”

Joel wrapped an arm around her neck, smiling so big his cheeks hurt. That was the effect Y/n had on him. She’d turned his curmudgeon qualities, plying them like clay until they were soft. He was a new man with her in his life.

“Joel,” she said softly.

“Yeah?” He was barely taking in her words, focused on how her lips were starting to swell from his attention.

“What’s burning?”

It didn’t register at first, then he remembered the food was still in the oven. “Shit,” he muttered, letting her go to run back to the kitchen and save their dinner.

Y/n chuckled, kicking off her shoes and heading in to help him.

Joel’s attempt at a simple roast chicken and potatoes turned out slightly crispy, but good, all in all. They’d eaten it at the table, Joel’s hands stretched across the surface to hold Y/n’s.

After their meal, they retired to the living room. Joel turned on the stereo and fell onto the couch, Y/n laying her legs across his lap.

“Well, day one’s almost over,” she said, “How’re you feeling?”

Joel sighed, “She called earlier when they got there. Sounded real excited.”

“And you could not sound happier about it,” Y/n chortled, “Joel, she’s going to be fine.”

“I know that, it’s just,” Joel strroked his hand over Y/n’s calf, “It’s been me and her for…ever. When she’s off it just…”

Y/n watched her boyfriend with soft eyes, waiting for him to say more.

“I know she’s growin’ up, she’s always been independent, but,” he paused staring down at his hands, “It gets easier and easier for her every year to get on that bus. Makes me think about the day she’ll leave for good.”

“You know that no matter where she goes,” Y/n offered, “She’s always coming back here. She loves you too much.”

Joel gently smiled, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s leg. She always knew the right thing to say.

“And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but she kinda loves me too,” Y/n smirked.

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot to work with there,” Joel winked.

Y/n giggled, her eyes drifting over Joel’s shoulder to the corner of the living room. An acoustic guitar sat propped up in a stand.

“Y’know, I still haven’t heard you play,” she said, nodding to the instrument.

For as much as he loved music, he still got a little bashful about his talent. “I sound like everyone else,” he replied.

“Yeah, nice try,” Y/n wasn’t so easily discouraged, “Play me something.”

Much like his daughter, there wasn’t a lot Joel could deny Y/n. If it was going to make her smile, he’d gladly do it. He lifted her legs off of him and went to retrieve the guitar.

“Does the audience have any requests?” Joel asked, settling back down beside her and fiddling with the tuning pegs.

Y/n tucked her legs into her chest, barely containing her grin, “Something sweet.”

Joel finished tuning the guitar and took his position. He hadn’t played for anyone other than Sarah in a very long time.

The first pluck of the strings relaxed them both, Joel settled into the piece quickly. Y/n watched his fingers dance up and down the string, a series of movements only he knew. It sounded like an old folk song, the kind that told the tale of doomed lovers torn apart by tragedy. She had enough musical knowledge to know it was in a minor key. Sweet, it was not, but it was brimming with passion, and the way Joel watched the strings so intensely only added to it. Y/n was taken aback by the simple beauty of him, pouring himself into the music.

When it was over, a few final notes slowing the tempo before stopping entirely, Joel looked over to Y/n, a whisper of a smile playing upon his lips. Their eyes connected, the ever present flame between them stretching the distance between their bodies. In that moment, Joel was thankful they were alone.

In the same set of seconds, Joel blindly set the guitar down to the side and Y/n surged forward, the two of them meeting in a heated kiss. Y/n held both of Joel’s cheeks in her hands while he maneuvered her on top of him, their lips never losing their connection. The sadness of the song had drawn them together, both needing to feel the fullness of each other’s devotion to counter the loss that the notes had grieved. That wasn’t them, they said with each touch, it could never be them.

—————————

September 28th, 2002. Austin, Texas.

Fall had hit Texas, as much as it could affect the south, anyway. Sarah and Y/n were in the backyard of the Milller home. Sarah had her first soccer game of the season that weekend and she wanted to get in some extra practice.

“Okay,” Y/n called from the goal, “Don’t go easy on me.”

“Yeah, right,” Sarah scoffed, she was never afraid to show the full force of her talent on the field. Faking Y/n out, she broke to the left before making a sudden right turn and shooting the ball through the goal.

“Yes,” she exclaimed, pulling her fists down in celebration.

“Alright, alright, alright,” Y/n smirked, coming up beside Sarah as she did a little victory dance, “Don’t get too cocky. Let’s work on your goalkeeping.”

Sarah grooved her way back to the goal, “Okay, but I’m kinda spectacular at that too.”

“Well, we certainly don’t need to work on your confidence,” Y/n remarked. Sarah had the same cockiness, reserved only for things she was truly great at, as her father.

Joel materialized then, coming through the back door and watching his girls from the deck. “How we lookin’?”

“Today, Taft Middle School,” Y/n replied, catching the ball with her heel as Sarah kicked it, “Tomorrow, FIFA.”

Joel smiled proudly, both at Sarah and Y/n. Most women would have kept distance between them and their partner’s child. Y/n had jumped in headfirst, determined to be there for Sarah as much as she wanted her. She was the feminine influence his daughter had been denied all her life.

“Alright,” Y/n announced, “Good?”

Sarah nodded, “Good.”

Joel saw an opportunity and couldn’t pass it up. He carefully made his way down the steps of the deck, sneaking through the grass and up behind Y/n just as she was about to make her shot. As she wound her leg back, Joel wrapped his arms around her middle and lifted her into the air.

Y/n shrieked as she was swung around, “Joel!”

“Sarah, steal it,” he yelled, smiling as Y/n wriggled in his embrace.

Sarah surged forward, avoiding Y/n’s flailing legs as she fought against Joel, and snatched the ball. She moved through the grass effortlessly and landed a perfect kick into the net.

Laughing heartily, Joel finally released Y/n back to the ground. He shared a high-five with his daughter as she bounded back to them.

“You two are awful,” Y/n gave Joel a shove to his chest, her wide grin contradicting her words.

Joel hung an arm around his girlfriend’s neck, pressing a kiss to her temple. “C’mon,” he separated from Y/n and clapped his hands, “Two-on-one, girls vs. boys.”

“We’re gonna destroy you,” Sarah teased, coming to stand beside Y/n.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else,” he quipped, standing in front of the goal.

The three of them stayed out until sunset, practicing plenty, but laughing more than anything.

—————————

December 25th, 2002. Austin, Texas.

The Millers didn’t do anything spectacular for Christmas. A church service on the 24th, a simple dinner on the 25th, and presents.

It had been decided that both Tommy and Y/n would spend the night, it would make waking up and opening gifts easier than waiting for them to drive over. Tommy had taken the collapsable cot, his body was still used to military accommodations, while Y/n had gone for the couch. Joel and her were still hesitant to spend nights together, sleeping over at the other’s only when Sarah was away at her own sleepovers. Christmas didn’t feel like the time to test any boundaries.

Just past midnight, Y/n was still wide awake, tossing and turning on the sofa. There was a light snowfall happening outside and she hoped if she watched the flakes flutter through the air long enough, she’d drift off to sleep. So far, she’d had no such luck.

She took stock of the living room in its entirety. A fresh pine tree sat in the corner, a modest stack of presents surrounding the trunk. Two stockings were hung on the walls, Sarah and Joel’s names stitched across each. The room still faintly smelled like the batch of cookies her and Sarah had baked earlier in the evening. Even in the dark and completely silent, the house felt warm.

Footsteps down the stairs drew Y/n’s attention away from the decorations. She expected to see Sarah tiptoeing in to sneak a peek at the presents. Instead, Joel’s broad shadow entered the room.

“Can’t sleep?” Y/n asked from the couch.

Joel shook his head, “Nope.”

Y/n gave a small nod, pretending like the silence wasn’t as full of asking as it was. Joel’s posture had purpose in it, he wasn’t leaving until he got what he came for.

He tipped his head back towards the stairs, his eyes never leaving Y/n’s. “C’mon,” he said, his voice raspy with near sleep.

Y/n smiled to herself, throwing off her blanket and crossing the room to take Joel’s hand. The two of them tiptoed back up the stairs, trying not to wake Sarah or Tommy. Y/n knew the walk to Joel’s bedroom like the back of her hand, navigating in the dark made no difference. She certainly didn’t need Joel’s hands on her hips to guide her, but she welcomed them anyway.

Once the door shut, their routine commenced. Joel went to his dresser, blindly reaching into one of his drawers and tossing Y/n one of his flannels. Y/n slipped it on over her t-shirt, the sleeves ending way past the tips of her fingers. They made their way to their dedicated sides of the bed, Joel closest to the door because he felt better being a wall of protection between Y/n and the world.

“We have to get up before Sarah,” Y/n reminded him.

“We’ve got a 50% chance of makin’ it down before her,” Joel said, his hands gliding around her body to pull her into him, “Christmas morning, she’s up at the crack of dawn.”

Y/n drew closer to Joel, resting one hand on his chest and the other gripping the back of his neck. Already, she could feel her body relaxing in a way the couch just couldn’t coax out of her.

All the tension Joel had been carrying in his spine went lax the moment Y/n’s fingers grazed his skin. He was finding it harder and harder to sleep without her.

“Thank you,” she said out of the blue.

“For what?” Joel asked.

Y/n’s fingers danced along the line between the ends of his hair and the base of his skull. “For letting me be a part of all this,” she answered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Joel’s heart swelled, he took one of her cheeks into his hand and let their lips drift towards one another. Six months in, and he wasn’t sure if he could fall any harder in love with Y/n. She wasn’t just his, she was theirs. She was a permanent fixture in their home, the house a little less bright when she was absent from it. She had become a confidante to Sarah, a best friend to Tommy and everything to Joel. How could he not want her in every part of their lives?

“‘M afraid you’re stuck with us, Rosebud,” Joel smiled after he pulled back, brushing his thumb across her cheekbone.

“No place I’d rather be,” Y/n returned his grin.

Pressing one final kiss to her forehead, Joel tucked Y/n against his chest, his chin resting atop her head. She let her hand drift around to his back, her fingers spreading across the expanse as she tried to hold as much of him as she could. They fell asleep within minutes, the gentle snowstorm outside creating beauty that would only enhance the magic of Christmas for the Miller family.

—————————

2023. Kansas City, Missouri.

“Eye on me! Eyes on me!”

Joel’s eyes slid to the other side of the room, to the man with the barrel of his gun pointed at Ellie. Her and Y/n both had their hands raised high.

“You don’t have to worry about what to say,” the young man said, “We don’t wanna hurt you. We wanna help you.”

Joel watched him, he was shifting his weight between both feet, no expert marksman was that nervous to threaten someone’s life. Joel felt significantly better about his chances.

“Okay.”

“Okay, um…” the young man paused, “I don’t know what the next step is with something like this, but if I lower my gun…we didn’t hurt you…so you don’t hurt us…right?”

Joel stared him down, “That’s right.”

“That’s a weird fuckin’ tone, man,” their enemy replied.

“That’s just the way he sounds,” Ellie interrupted, first looking to the stranger and then back to Joel, “He has an asshole voice. Joel, tell him he’s okay.”

Joel stared, nearly a hint of a smirk at his lips, “Everything is great.”

“Dude…” Ellie muttered.

“We’re not going to hurt you,” Y/n intervened, looking to the man, “Now drop the fucking guns before I second guess myself.”

“That wasn’t any better,” Ellie exclaimed.

“Fuck! Okay, listened,” the stranger started, his voice practically trembling, “I’m gonna trust you.”

He then stopped to signal something to the child, Y/n recognized it as ASL. They communicated something none of them could understand.

“But if any of you guys try anything,” the man kept his gun aimed at Ellie, nodding to Joel and Y/n, “Yeah? Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ellie whispered, her heart was in her throat.

The child backed away from Joel and Y/n’s mattress, his aim still firmly locked onto them. Y/n was trying to get her heartbeat back down to a normal range.

“Can I sit up?” Joel asked, his voice was still on edge.

“Yeah,” the stranger conceded, “Slow. Get up slow.”

Joel obeyed, rising to a seated position without any rush. He raised his hands, the left one grazing Y/n’s injured right. Shockingly, the fleeting touch made her feel a little less nervous. If Joel was good for nothing else, at least he was a good fighter. They could get out of this easily, if necessary.

“Who are you?” Joel asked.

“My name’s Henry,” the now-named stranger answered, “That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although right now,” Henry finally lowered his gun, “My guess is you’re running a close second. Her too.”

Y/n and Joel looked to one another, that ambush was going to come back to bite them in the ass, one way or another.

“Henry,” Y/n spoke up, lowering her hands and laying them palm up in her lap, “We’re gonna need a lot more than that.”

The five of them ended up huddled around a lantern, snacking on their dwindling food supply and waiting for the rest of the story to unfold. Henry had made it clear that he had to get some food in his brother first. It had been Ellie’s idea to share what they had left.

“Where’d you get these?” Henry asked, chewing on a cracker.

“From Bill,” Ellie answered, “He’s dead.”

Y/n and Joel had been watching Sam, digging into what they’d shared with him as if he hadn’t eaten in days. There was a real possibility of it, or something along the lines. They both wordlessly handed what was left of their portions to the boy, who in return, signed something to his brother.

“He says ‘thank you,’” Henry relayed, “I’m guessing you don’t have much so, this means a lot.”

“How old is he?” Ellie asked.

The brothers talked amongst themselves, with Henry answering, “He’s eight.”

Ellie nodded, “Cool. I’m Ellie.”

“Y/n,” Y/n spoke up, wanting to try and make the child feel as comfortable as the circumstances would allow.

Henry spelled out the names for Sam, who responded with a sign that both Y/n and Ellie assumed meant ‘cool.’

Ellie smiled before smacking Joel on the knee and waiting for him to introduce himself.

“I’m Joel,” he swallowed his last bite, “Look, you ate, we didn’t kill each other, let’s call this a win-win and move on.”

Henry dusted off his hands, “Well, I’m betting that y’all came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the sun’s up, I’ll show you one.”

Joel and Y/n thought it over separately before glancing over at one another. If Henry hadn’t killed them by now, he wouldn’t. He already knew their supply was low, the only reason he was sticking around was because he needed something from them.

“Okay,” Y/n answered for them, earning a quick turn and glare from Joel, “Sam can take our bed. As soon as morning hits, you show us the route.”

Henry scoffed, “Just like that you’re gonna trust us?”

“I know the eyes of a liar, Henry,” Y/n leaned forward, resting her elbow on her knee, “And you don’t have ‘em. You weren’t even going to kill us in the first place, and you certainly weren’t gonna make him do it.”

Joel was ready to jump in at any second, but Y/n spoke with such precision and intention, he couldn’t come up with any reason to stop her.

“So how about we get some sleep,” Y/n continued, “And tackle this tomorrow?”

Henry’s eyes focused in on Y/n, someone as calculated as she was was either the most honest person on the planet or so calcuating and conniving, they could deceive the worst of humanity.

“Okay,” he landed on trust, “First thing.”

Ellie and Sam settled onto their makeshift mattresses, while the adults sat against the walls of the apartment. Henry on one side, Joel and Y/n on the other.

“What happened to equals?” Joel asked, the edge to his words undercutting the softness of their volume.

“Would what you have said been any different?” Y/n countered, watching as Joel tried to come up with an answer that differed from hers, “Exactly.”

The two of them stayed close to one another, without actually touching. Y/n was still slightly rattled from waking up with Joel’s hand over hers.

“Although my fucking neck’s gonna be messed up all day,” Y/n mumbled, trying to find a comfortable position to rest her head against the wall.

While they trusted an already sleeping Henry enough not to kill them, instinct told both Y/n and Joel to not leave themselves in such a vulnerable positon again. Sleeping sitting up was the only option that would allow them a little bit of rest.

And Joel hated what he was about to offer.

“You can…” he pointed to his shoulder, “If you want.”

“I don’t want” Y/n quickly replied.

Joel sighed in exasperation, “Forget I offered.”

He crossed his arms and settled against the wall, shutting his eyes and shutting down his momentary lapse into generosity.

Y/n inhaled, trying to get over herself. She was getting way too much up close and personal time with Joel to feel comfortable. But it was either another dose or a hideous day of lingering discomfort without the blessing of Ibuprofen.

She awkwardly scooted closer to him until their thighs were touching, causing Joel to open one eye. He looked down at their parallel bodies and back to Y/n.

“Just don’t grab my hand,” she grumbled, laying her head down on his shoulder and praying that her stomach stayed unaffected.

Joel’s body stiffened as she rested on him, a quick shot of adrenaline running through his extremities. He wanted to pretend to be unmoved, unbothered by her touch, but it was impossible. He would never fully be without affection for the way she felt against him.

“Go ahead,” Y/n said, sensing his discomfort but mistaking it for simply physical.

Joel hesitated a few seconds before shaking himself out of his doubt and resting his head on top of Y/n’s.

When the weight of Joel’s skull fell on hers, Y/n’s natural instincts took over and she almost, almost, tucked into him more. It was by the grace of God that she caught herself before she did it. No matter how hard her mind loathed him, her body would have accepted him back in a heartbeat.

The two ex-lovers sat against the wall, still trying to convince themselves that they were miles apart.

—————————

Just as the night before, they woke up so much closer than intended.

Y/n had fully curled into Joel, snuggling into his chest at some point during their glorified nap. When she woke up to the rough scratch of his flannel agaisnt her cheek, drowsiness did not immediately remind her she was in the year 2023. In her sleep-adled state, it was winter of 2002.

When consciousness pulled her back to the land of the living, she lightly groaned. Why were their sleeping selves making everything so complicated?

Y/n rolled off of Joel, causing him to sharply inhale. He blinked a few times, rubbed a hand over his face and evaluated the room. Henry was still asleep, but Sam and Ellie were already awake and sitting on the edges of their beds.

Y/n was beside him, at least twelve inches of space between them.

“I do anything in my sleep?” Joel asked.

Y/n shook her head, sucking on her bottom lip, “Nope.”

Joel wasn’t buying it, “Then whydya got that look on your face?”

“I know why,” Ellie teased in a sing-song tone.

Y/n let out two loud claps, startling Henry awake, and got to her feet. “Rise and shine, time to work.”

Joel stayed on the ground, watching how fast she moved around the room. Something had happened and it had messed with her. He ran a hand over his right shoulder, noticing that it was warm when the rest of him felt cold. He peered back over at Y/n, rifling through her backpack to find Ellie and Sam breakfast. He watched how she crouched down and handed the kids what was assuredly the lion’s share of her rations. How she held up a questioning thumbs up to Sam, who in return, smiled and copied the gesture. How she cared. She still cared so much.

It was killing him.

But there were bigger things to worry about than the stirring in his heart for the woman who perhaps, hadn’t changed that much at all.

————————————

Once fed and watered, the group of five headed a few floors up to the apartment building’s conference room. Henry had promised it had the best view of the city.

“Welcome to Killa City,” he announced, showcasing the place in daylight through the massive windows.

“No FEDRA,” Joel observed.

“Not as of ten days ago, no,” Henry replied.

“We always heard KC FEDRA was-“

“Monsters? Savages?” Henry finished for Joel, “Yeah, you heard right. Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years.”

Y/n looked down at her shoes, “Fucking hell.” It was stories like Kansas City that were one of her reasons for joining the Fireflies.

“And you know what happens when you do that to people?” Henry continued, “The moment they get a chance, they do it right back to you.”

“But you’re not FEDRA,” Joel stated.

Henry paused before answering, “No…worse. I’m a collaborator.”

Joel shook his head, “I don’t work with rats.”

Y/n wasn’t so quick to walk away, Henry had too much of a heart it seemed to be a true collaborator. He had a story.

“Yeah, you fucking do,” Henry said, “Today you do, ‘cause I live here and you two don’t. That’s how I followed you here. I know this city and I’m gonna help you out.”

Joel watched Henry as he spoke, trying to see through him, “Why help us?”

“I saw what you two did,” Henry answered, “The way you killed those men. Now I know where to go, but I don’t know how to make it through alone, not if it’s just Sam and me.”

“You seem capable enough,” Joel replied, “You’re armed.”

“You’re wrong and wrong,” Henry said, “Never killed anyone. And pointing an unloaded gun at you was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent.”

Y/n nodded, no one let their hand shake that much when holding a loaded gun.

“So that’s the deal,” Henry stated, “I show you the way, you clear the way.”

Joel didn’t need anyone else slowing them down or making them more noticeable. And partnering with Henry would only make them bigger targets.

At the table behind them, Ellie and Sam were seated, reading from Ellie’s pun book. The energy was divided down the room; the grown-up side was deathy heavy while the kid’s side was warm and uplifting.

“Haven’t heard that in a long time,” Henry smiled, watching his little brother laugh.

Joel turned back to the window as he tried to put distance between him and the moment. Y/n glanced over at him, watching as the cogs in his mind turned. Her mind was already made up, it would have been wonderful if they could avoid an argument.

“So how’re we getting out?” Joel relented, turning to Henry.

Henry fetched a piece of paper from one of the drawers, office supplies had never been in high demand post-pandemic. He sketched out a square, writing down the names of the roads that cut through the city.

“Highways…” he pointed to one section, “Downtown,” then to the other, “Us. This whole area belongs to Kathleen.”

“And she is…?” Y/n asked, standing between Joel and Henry.

“Leader of the resistance,” Henry answered, “You can see the way we’re bounded by highways. They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question.”

“So how do we get across?” Ellie asked.

Henry banged a fist against the table to get Sam’s attention, signing something to him after. Sam went to drawing on his magnetic erase pad, Joel wasn’t made to feel any better about a kid being involved in the planning of their escape.

Sam held up his pad, having written the word ‘Tunnels’ on it.

Henry snapped his fingers, “Boom.”

“Kansas City has a subway?” Joel asked.

“No,” Henry answered, “But they do have maintenance tunnels. There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including…” he pointed down to a specific section of his sketch, “A bank building here,” he began to draw their route, “So we enter the tunnels here, travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential. There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river,” Henry dropped his pencil, “Free as a bird.”

“You’re right,” Joel admitted, “It’s a great plan. So what do you need us for?”

Henry hesitated a moment, “You notice anything strange about this city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen?”

“No Infected?” Ellie guessed before Y/n and Joel could.

“Oh, there’s Infected,” Henry replied, “Just not on the surface. FEDRA drove them underground fifteen years ago, and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.’

Joel looked between Y/n and Ellie, “So you want us goin’ into a tunnel?”

“Everyone thinks that it’s full of Infected,” Henry quickly corrected, he sensed Joel’s doubt, “Including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is…it’s empty.”

“You know this?” Y/n questioned, “You’ve seen it? With your own eyes?”

“No,” Henry replied.

Joel took a deep breath, hands on his hips again. Y/n sighed and rested her elbows on the table. Henry was losing them both.

“But the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean,” the young man continued, “Completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.”

“How long ago?” Y/n asked, shutting her eyes as if it could shut out their problems.

“Like,” Henry shrugged, “Three years ago.”

Joel scoffed, glancing to Ellie as if asking if she was believing this either.

“Okay, maybe there’s one or two,” Henry quickly said, “But you can handle it.”

“You’re making this sound a whole lot simpler than it is,” Y/n responded, looking to Joel, whose eyes were already expectantly waiting on her. “We need a minute.

Y/n pushed open the glass doors, bringing them outside the conference room and giving them a sliver of privacy.

Joel pointed a finger behind them, “You still feel good about this?”

“Not exceptionally, no,” she answered truthfully, “But we don’t exactly have a lot of other options, now do we?”

“If this guy’s gonna endanger our lives more than if we were on our own,” Joel argued, “Then we’re better off-“

“Fighting our way through a city we’ve never been in with targets the size of Texas on our backs?” Y/n finished for him, “Look, I don’t wanna go down there either. But we’re guaranteed a very slow, very painful death if we go it alone. I’d rather have allies and stand a chance, at least.”

Joel wanted to fight tooth and nail, but he knew she was right. She’d always had a talent for being right.

“Plus, it’ll give you plenty to lord over Tommy’s head when we get to Wyoming,” Y/n quipped, her mouth still frowned but her eyes were lit up with humor.

Joel huffed, he’d have laughed if the situation wasn’t so dire. The thought of seeing his brother and his ex together again was a sight he didn’t think he’d ever be ready to see.

Without another word, and a silent concession from Joel, the two of them marched back into the conference room where the debate was still being held.

Henry pointed to Ellie, “She says y’all fought off two Clickers. Is that true?”

Joel and Y/n uncomfortably shifted, the dread sweeping over them.

“And you’re still alive,” Henry stated, “You see? You’re the right people. If it gets bad down there, we turn around, and run right back out the same way we came.”

Joel was about one poorly constructed sentence away from giving the whole idea up, “Oh, that’s your great plan?”

“No, that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan,” Henry fired back, “But as far as I can tell, it’s our only shot.”

Sam signed something to Henry.

“They’re saying,” Henry narrated as he signed back, “They’re going to help us escape,” he turned back to the party, “Right?”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “That was a low fuckin’ blow, man.”

Henry didn’t seem bothered at all by the manipulation.

Joel’s jaw twitched as he thought it all over. Y/n could practically feel his unease. She craned her neck back, muttering more into his body than at him, “Lesser of two evils.”

With every fiber of his being, Joel wanted to fight. But instead, he let his hands fall against his legs, admitting defeat.

—————————

The team got across the city with minimal close calls, every once in a while there’d be a truck or patrol group to avoid. They got to the bank building intact and only slightly out of breath.

“We need to get outta sight,” Joel said, every entrance/exit of the place was structured in a glass wall.

“Uh, I-I-I think it’s this way,” Henry pointed towards one of the halls, the rest of them following.

They trailed through the building till they hit a back door, hopefully leading to the tunnel entrance. Joel and Y/n entered it cautiously with their guns drawn.

“This should be it,” Henry announced, “You ready?”

Joel looked to Ellie, “Get your gun out.”

Rebelling in her own small way, once again, Ellie pulled out the gun from her jacket pocket. At this point, Joel wasn’t surprised in the least that she wasn’t heeding his advice. Him and Y/n marched forward regardless and took the lead. They entered through another door, delivering them into the tunnel system.

“You see?” Henry proved, “It’s empty. The plan is good.”

Joel and Y/n quickly shushed him. “‘The plan is good?’” Joel repeated, “We’ve been down here two seconds. We don’t know anything.”

Henry looked to Ellie, “Your dad’s kind of a pessimist.”

“I’m not her dad.”

“He’s not my dad.”

“He’s not her dad.”

Joel, Y/n and Ellie’s protests overlapped.

“Just point your light forward,” Joel instructed, tightly gripping his own, “And be ready to run.”

Y/n steadied her breathing and began to move beside Joel down the underground maze.

They walked for around an hour, snaking down the sets of tunnels, holding their flashlights and handguns as if they were life itself. Eventually, they turned down a hall with child’s art painted all along it. The door was even painted as castle. All of them examined the walls in quiet confusion.

Sam bounded forward, wanting to go through and explore. Joel threw his hand out to stop him, “No.”

Y/n tucked her flashlight under her chin and gripped her pistol, sharing an affirmative nod with Joel that they were ready. He slowly turned the doorknob and it creaked open, revealing a room that looked…civilized.

The whole place looked like a daycare center. There were toys scattered throughout storage bins, art and books against the walls, small cups, and a faded soccer goal painted across one of the cinderblock walls.

“I heard about places this this,” Joel commented, taking stock of their surroundings, “People went underground after Outbreak Day. Built settlements.”

“What happened to them?” Ellie asked.

“Maybe they didn’t follow the rules and all got infected,” Joel replied.

While Ellie and Sam sat down, playing with a few of the toys, Y/n, Henry and Joel scanned the room. Whoever had been living there, they’d been gone long enough for a layer of dust to settle across everything.

“Hey,” Joel called to Ellie who was being a little too loud, “Keep it down. We’re not out yet.”

“Ah, c’mon,” Ellie groaned, “Can we just rest here for a while? There’s, like, actually shit to do here.”

“Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit,” Henry agreed, “Safer in the shadows when we pop back out on the other side.”

Joining Ellie and Henry, Y/n tilted her head in a slight shrug to Joel. It was a smart decision and he was just going to have to get over himself.

Joel shrugged back to the group, raising an eyebrow and going back to checking out the room.

Ellie and Sam occupied themselves by reading comic books and messing around with some of the toys. Henry, Joel and Y/n rested at a table, putting their feet up without actually relaxing at all. At some point, Ellie and Sam switched to kicking a soccer ball around on the makeshift field. Y/n watched carefully as Ellie interacted with the boy, she was so caring and patient. She’d confided that she didn’t have any brothers or sisters, but the glow coming from her radiated big sister energy.

Y/n scooted her chair back and walked across the room. “Can I join?”

Ellie enthusiastically began to switch the ball between her feet, trying to fake Y/n out. Y/n rotated to stand alongside Sam at the goal.

“That’s not fair,” Ellie argued, “There’s two of you.”

“Oh, so you’re saying you can’t do it,” Y/n teased.

Ellie’s determination set in, jumping slightly in place before kicking the ball in between Sam and Y/n’s legs quicker than they could stop it.

“Oh, shit,” she exclaimed, shooting her hands into the air.

Sam and Y/n shared a laugh before Y/n got down on her knees, “Can you teach me something?”

Sam watched her lips and nodded, showing her a sign. To her, it looked like he was pulling something out of his mouth, before bringing his two thumbs up and splitting their directions at his chest.

Y/n mimicked it, “What does this mean?”

“Oh, that’s from Savage Starlight,” Ellie exclaimed, copying the gesture with them, “‘Endure and survive.’”

The three of them continued to sign it over and over. It seemed to make both Ellie and Sam extremely happy, which meant Y/n would do it as many times as they wanted.

Joel and Henry watched from their seats. To say Joel’s heart ached would have been an understatement. His soul was barely holding together, a new piece of it dying off every day. But Y/n and Ellie had somehow kept the last few from withering. It was so subtle, he hadn’t even figured the phenomenon out yet. He was barely self-aware. But seeing Y/n, crouched down on the floor with the kids, still with the innate need to make the world around her better, he came to fully realize his thought from earlier in the day.

She was still his Y/n.

Smiling, laughing, loving, caring, kinder than the world deserved. Underneath all the anger was the woman he had loved with all his heart.

And that fucking terrified him.

As Y/n made her way back to them, Joel pulled himself back to reality, switching gears and channeling his energy into focusing on the kids. Specifically Sam. He was eight years old and in survival mode. No child deserved that. It was making him rethink his stance on the things he’d said earlier.

“If you were collaboratin’ to take care of him,” he said to Henry, “I…I shouldn’t have save what I said. I don’t know your situation. And I’m not sayin’ they should let it go, but all things considered, seems kinda cruel—to send a whole army after you for that.”

Henry waited a few seconds, Ellie’s cheers filling the silence, before speaking. “You know, I wasn’t, uh…exactly telling you the truth before…about me not killing someone.”

Y/n and Joel’s attention turned to him exclusively.

“There was a man,” Henry began, “A great man. You know, he was never afraid…never selfish…and he was always forgiving. Have you ever met someone like that? Kinda man you’d follow anywhere.”

Y/n tensed up, forbidding her eyes from flicking to Joel.

“I mean, I wanted to. Well…I would’ve,” Henry gathered strength for the rest of his story, “Yeah, but, uh…Sam, he, uh, he got sick. Leukemia,” he scanned Joel and Y/n’s somber expressions, “Yeah, anyway, um…there was one drug that worked and, whoa, big shock…there wasn’t much left of it, and it belonged to FEDRA. And if I wanted some, it was gonna take something big. So I gave them something big. That one great man. The leader of the resistance movement in Kansas City. And Kathleen’s brother.”

Understanding washed over Joel and Y/n. All the firepower, the tanks, the trucks, it all made sense.

“Yeah, so, you still think they should take it easy on me?” Henry asked rhetorically, “Or am I the bad guy?”

Y/n stayed silent, weighing morals against necessity. Joel pulled his lips down, barely shaking his head before Henry cut off what he would have said, “I don’t know what you’re waitin’ on, man. The answer’s easy. I am the bad guy because I did a bad guy thing.”

“But you did it to keep him alive,” Y/n spoke up, “You’d go to the ends of the earth for him. That’s not evil, that’s family.”

Henry’s eyes cut through the space between Joel and Y/n, “You two get it,” he nodded toward Joel, ”You may not be her father, but you were someone’s. See, I could tell.”

There it was. The big, dreadful, terrible thing that Joel and Y/n had gotten this far without talking about. It was the unspoken wound, the one deep enough to kill yet shallow enough that it didn’t show. It was a constant phantom pain in both their chests and it broke them all over again to have it brought up.

“You too,” Henry smiled at Y/n, nodding to Ellie, “That is, if she’s not yours.”

Y/n didn’t think the blade could slide any deeper into her heart. She had been something to someone once, and it was as much a part of her still as the air she breathed.

“Uh,” Y/n tearily began, clearing her throat quickly, “No, she’s not mine.”

Joel had had more than he could handle just by Henry’s assumption about him. Referring to Y/n as the word he couldn’t bring himself to utter in that context had sent him over the edge. He picked up his gun from the table and practically jumped to his feet, “We’ve waited long enough.”

Y/n stayed still at the table, holding back her tears took so much strength, it was stealing her ability to move. If she allowed herself to cry in front of Joel, she didn’t think she’d ever recover.

Henry didn’t ask questions, he didn’t bring up the very visible sorrow etched across Y/n’s face. Some hurt was palpable without ever being touched on, and it was painfully clear that Joel hadn’t been the only one to lose a child…

————

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[joelsgreys]

we need you

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: Afraid of failing the two of the people he cares about more than anything, Joel decides you and Ellie are better off without him.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. SET IN JACKSON. takes place during Kin. arguing, angst. helpful to know reader was not present when Joel and Tommy talked in the garage. NO mentions of age, reader has no physical description.

word count: 1.6k

a/n: welllllp i don't know about you guys, but i am DEAD inside after tonight so to cope i am going to write a little drabble. already put it in the warning/tags section, but once again, just to be on the safe side of things: potential spoilers, proceed with caution if you do not want the newest episode spoiled!

“Just what in the motherfucking hell was that, Joel?” You nearly growled, bursting through the door of the bedroom that he’d chosen to occupy for the night. Having heard the way he’d spoken to Ellie—not to mention, all that he had said to her even after her heartbreaking confession to him, her unspoken cry for him not to abandon her, all you could see in your mind was the color red. Sure, you and Joel had been through your fair share of bullshit over the years, disagreements that caused friction between the two of you weren’t all that uncommon seeing as the two of you shared similar personality traits to each other, stubbornness being one of them. But you could not, for the life of you, remember an occasion where you’d been this angry with him, this fucking livid. As you watched him sink down onto the bed without a word, your hands curled into fists at your sides. You knew it would only make matters worse, losing your temper, but you weren’t all too sure that you could contain it this time around.

The blood in your veins was bubbling, boiling hot underneath your skin.

“Are you going to fucking answer me or what?” You prompted, a cool edge to your tone despite the heat radiating throughout your body. “You’re really trying to hand her off to Tommy?”

Joel sighed, shaking his head. “You weren’t supposed to find out like this.”

“Find what out, Joel? That you went off and made a decision, and a really fucking dumb one at that, without even talking to me about it first?” You crossed your arms over your chest, glaring at him. Despite how incredibly furious you were, the sadness was heavy inside of your chest. Tt was as if Joel had forgotten the fact that for the last few months, Ellie had been under your care too, and you had every right to be a part of any decision that he made regarding her and her well-being. It hurt you to your very core that he’d done this without talking to you first, and it hurt you even deeper to know that Ellie had known about this and she’d kept it all to herself all evening.

She’d come home from the movies and when you offered her dinner, she refused to eat and stomped upstairs, locking herself in the bedroom. You’d chalked it up to nothing more than a typical teenaged girl simply having a mood swing. After all, it hadn’t exactly been the best day for Ellie. She’d arrived in Jackson and the first thing she noticed was how everyone in the colony looked at her, especially the children. She was different. She didn’t fit in, she stuck out like a sore thumb and you knew that had to have been hard for her. Not wanting to push her, you’d figured that she would come out of the room eventually and talk you about it when she was good and ready. But now that you knew the real reason why she had come home so upset, you couldn’t help but to feel guilty.

For hours, Ellie had been upstairs in that room knowing that Joel planned on dumping her on Tommy and you didn’t have the slightest fucking clue about what was going on until you’d overheard Joel and Ellie’s shouting match just moments ago.

“Joel.” You said his name in a tone neither of you recognized.

Low, venomous, borderline dangerous.

You were like a ticking bomb, seconds away from going off.

Joel narrowed his eyes at you. “She’s better off with Tommy, alright? And we both fuckin’ know that,” he said. “It’s the best thing to do for her. I’m doin’ it because I know damn good and well that if she stays with me, all I’m gonna do is have her fall into the wrong fuckin’ hands or killed.”

“You’re wrong!” You countered, dropping your arms away from your chest and back down to your sides. “Joel, don’t you dare fucking do this. Ellie doesn’t want Tommy, she wants you. She all but fucking said it right to your face just a minute ago!” You cried, pointing a finger towards the door of the room as if pointing to Ellie herself. “She admitted to you that she wouldn’t feel safe with anyone else, Joel. So don’t you fucking do this to her.”

He gripped the edge of the bed, his knuckles going ghost white. “She’ll be better off with Tommy,” he repeated himself. He paused for a brief moment, just long enough to avert his tortured gaze from yours as he said, “And so would you.”

Your mouth parted slightly in shock. “Fucking excuse me?”

“I can’t keep her safe. Hell, I can barely keep you safe! How many fuckin’ times have I almost lost you? ‘Cause I don’t move fast enough? ‘Cause I’ve made the wrong decisions? ‘Cause I’ve asked you to do somethin’ for me and turns out that I unknowingly sent you into the fuckin’ lion’s den?” He inhaled a sharp breath, and you could hear his voice breaking with each and every word that fell from his lips. “I’ve almost cost you your life how many fuckin’ times now?”

“Joel—”

“Tess died ‘cause of me.” He saw you open your mouth to protest and he quickly added, “You can sit there and tell me over and over that it wasn’t my fault ‘til you’re blue in the face, but let’s just fuckin’ be honest and tell it how it is, alright? I couldn’t get to her quick enough and now she’s dead. I won’t let you meet the same fate.” Joel reached up, raking a hand tiredly through his hair, mentally bracing himself for your reaction to what he was about to say next. “I think you should go with Tommy and get Ellie to where she needs to be. After that, you should—you should think about stayin’ here with him in Jackson. I probably don’t belong here, but you do.”

You let out a small, shaky breath of air.

“Who the hell are you to make that kind of decision for me?” You asked, willing yourself to keep yourself from crumbling into tears. “I’m sorry Joel, but you can’t make that kind of a choice for me. And do you want to know what else?” You didn’t even wait for him to respond. “You can’t make it for Ellie, either.”

“She’s fuckin’ fourteen years old—”

You took a step forward as you challenged him. “Do you really think that girl isn’t smart enough to know deep down inside what’s best for her? Tell me, do you really think that Ellie pulled everything she said out of her ass? Do you honestly think that she could ever trust Tommy the way that she trusts you?” You felt a warm tear slide down your cheek and quickly wiped it away before he could see it. “Ellie is young, but she’s not a baby, Joel. I get that sometimes we need to guide her through shit, but let’s be real. She is old enough to make decisions for herself. Maybe not all of them, but the decision that you’re trying to make for her right here, right now—it isn’t yours to make.” Another tear made its way down the side of your face as you whispered, “And the one you’re trying to make for me isn’t either.”

Joel hung his head, seemingly defeated. “Why can’t you see it’s for the best? Why are you makin’ this so hard?”

Willing your trembling legs to move, you slowly walked over to him and sank to your knees in front of him; although you tried to meet his eyes, he refused. “You care about Ellie. I know it, I can see it and I can feel it. For as much shit as you give her all the time, I know that she’s become so important to you.”

“‘Course she is,” he mumbled. “You’re both important to me.”

You reached for his hands, pulling them forward onto his lap. You placed your own hands on top of his, lacing your fingers together. “Then don’t fucking do this to us, Joel. Please. I’m already down on my knees and I will fucking beg and plead if that’s what it’s going to take.” You crouched down a little further, enough so that you could look up into his dark brown eyes. “Ellie wants to be with you, Joel. And I do too.”

Joel’s gaze glistened with tears that he tried, but failed, to keep from falling in front of you. “I’ll fail you, just like I’ve fuckin’ failed everybody else.”

“Joel, please listen to me. Hear what I am saying, for the love of Christ. We have come so far,” You said, firmly squeezing his hands in yours as if somehow that would snap him out of it. “Whether you choose to believe or not, we’ve only come this far because of you. You have done so much for us. It’s why we trust you, why we feel safe with you. Me and Ellie, we belong with you, Joel—not with Tommy, not with anyone else. We need you, okay? We fucking need you. Do you understand me, Joel?”

Joel exhaled the breath he’d been holding shakily, leaning down to be closer to you. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against yours as he tried to even out his breathing.

Rubbing the back of his hands with your thumbs in soothing circles, you lifted your head and lightly pressed your lips against his forehead.

“We’re going to finish what we started,” You murmured quietly against his skin, feeling a slight shudder rack his body as a single whimper escaped him. You squeezed his hands again. “Together, Joel.”

[alloftheimagines]

joel miller | left behind

masterlist | taglist | ko-fi

words: 2.9k

warnings: angst, angst, angst. so much angst. ep two spoilers. tess's death. grief. loss. infected stuff. reader is tess's younger sister. age gap. more angst. so much angst. slightly violent reader.

synopsis: in which joel honours a promise he made to tess that means he must force reader to leave your infected sister behind in boston. resentment and a bit of hurt/comfort ensues as you head to frank and bill's.

sibling!tess x reader, reader x joel, little bit of reader x ellie

tags: @sweetbabygirlsworld

“Holy shit. She’s infected.”

You didn’t think the world could fall apart twice, but you look at Tess as Ellie's words settle in and realise you were wrong. Here you are again, losing everything. This time, you don’t know if you can survive. 

“Tess…” you whisper, shaking your head slowly. “No. No. No.” 

Beside you, Joel is deadly still. He looks at your sister with such detachment that you want to scream. This is Tess. Fucking Tess. 

But you know him. You know he’s good at switching off when things get tough. Not like you. You wear your heart on your damn sleeve, and you can’t fucking do this. You look at her again, heart breaking. You feel every tear, every shard slipping through your ribcage. Tess is motionless — resigned. She wears sadness, but no fear. None anybody but you can see, anyway. You grew up with her. You can see the fading light in her eyes in a way the others won’t. 

And you don’t know what to do.

“Let me see it,” Joel orders quietly.

“Joel…” Tess pleads. 

“Show me,” he growls. 

Bitterly, she tears down the collar of her shirt, revealing the infection blossoming across bruised veins. Your knees threaten to buckle, nausea rising in your throat. 

“No.” Tears slip down your cheeks, and you’re already searching the room again for some hint the Fireflies might have left, some sign that it won’t end like this. “No. The girl is a cure. If we can just—”

Tess is saying your name. You’re not listening. If you listen, it will be real. If you listen, you will have to say goodbye to the only family you have left. 

“Joel,” she’s saying now. “This kid… this kid is real, okay? You gotta get her, get them both, to Tommy’s. He’ll know where to go, what to do.”

“No. No, I’m not doing that,” he replies. 

You’re still rattling around, searching old papers and nooks for something, anything; as though you’ll find a miracle in the shadows. 

“If not for the kid then for her.” Tess’s voice rises. You squeeze your eyes shut, your back turned to her. “She needs you, Joel. This is the end of the road for me, but you need to keep going. Promise me."

“I’m not leaving you here!” you shout, throwing the first thing you find against the wall. It smashes to dust. “We’ll find a way out of this, Tess. We always fucking do. Let’s just stop and figure it out!” 

“There is no figuring it out.” Tess marches over to you, gripping your face in her hands. You try so hard to fight it, so hard to stay in denial, but you look at her drawn face and know she’s already half-gone. You know the worry furrowing her brows isn’t for herself, but for you. For what will happen to you now. She practically raised you, toughening you up or else cradling you through the bad nights, never any in between. It made you both strong and so unbearably weak. Not like Joel, who has never let anything touch him. 

You choke on a sob and close your eyes. “Please, Tess. Please. This can’t be it. I need you.”

“I need you. I need you to be safe. I need you to keep going. Please, sweetheart.” She softens, brushing the tears from your eyes. “Please. For me.”

“No—” 

The sound of moans and the shuffling of uneven footsteps interrupt your protest. Joel goes to the window and curses, readying his gun. “Infected. Shit tonne of ‘em. We gotta go.”

You grab Tess’s wrist without thinking. “Come on.”

But she slips out of your grasp, stepping away from all of you. Ellie has tears in her eyes, but she says nothing, looking for the first time not to Tess or Joel, but to you. 

“I can buy you some time, but you have to run. You have to go,” Tess whispers. 

You shake your head again, ferociously this time. “No. No, I’m not leaving. If you stay, I stay.”

She snaps her head away. “Joel. Get her out of here.”

You fight back a bitter scoff, fists curling at your sides — but then hands lock around your arms, nudging you away. “Come on," Joel grunts. "We have to go. Now.”

The betrayal stings. This is fucking Tess. Of all people, he should want to help her. He shouldn’t be giving up on her. 

You snarl, “Fuck you if you think I’m going anywhere!” 

He doesn’t let up, face carved from stone. “We can’t stay,” he hisses, ducking his head to meet your eye. “You want us all to die?” 

“You go! I’m not—”

“Now, Joel!” Tess is yelling. “Get her the fuck out of here now!”

He swears under his breath again and then his arms are like a vice around your waist, your feet lifting from the floor as he drags you away, kicking and screaming. 

“No!” You’re shrieking now, vocal cords ripping apart as you try to reach for your sister. "Tess!"

But she doesn’t reach back. She turns away, and you know with certainty it’s the last time you’ll see her face. 

“Tess, please!” Sobs erupt from you, and you fight harder now, but Joel is too strong, too broad, too heavy-handed to let you go. “Please! Please! Let me go! Let me stay with her! She's my fucking sister, Joel!” 

The fresh air hits you all at once. One moment you’re there, watching your sister get smaller and smaller as infected scratch and rattle the doors, and then you’re back in the rubble of the drab city, the gold dome of Massachusetts State House dwindling. 

And then exploding.

As your feet finally hit the floor and you try to nudge Joel away, the earth cracks with black smoke and you’re thrown to the ground. Joel’s warmth shields you, and you feel Ellie trembling at your side. 

Silence blankets you like ash. It takes a moment for your brain to comprehend it. Any of it. 

You shove Joel to look back at the State House. The building that is no longer a building, just debris and fire. 

The building where your sister was standing not a moment ago. 

“No.” You say the word differently now. Softer. Devastation pierces through it, through you. She’s gone. Tess is gone. 

“Darlin’...” Joel puts his hand on your shoulder and squeezes, and fury sparks through you. 

“You did this!” you scream, hitting his chest again, and again and again. “You took away my choice!” Because the truth is, you would sooner have died in there with Tess than carry on without her. “You took away my fucking sister!” Because he’d gotten her into the jobs, the smuggling. He’d done all of this. 

Joel doesn’t react, barely even budging as you slam into him. His jaw is set, trembling, throat bobbing, and finally he catches your hands and locks his fingers around your wrists. “Look at me.” 

You can’t. You can’t look at him, or anywhere else. You want to vomit. You want to disappear. 

Instead, your chin wobbles and your ribcage opens up and everything pours out of you as you wail. 

He catches you as you sink to the ground, pulling you to his chest, and you’re too weak to push him away now. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into your hair, rocking you gently. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, sweetheart. There was nothing else we could do. Nothing else I could do. But look at me. Please look at me.” He grips your jaw just as Tess had, and you flinch. You hate him. You fist his shirt between your fingers and you want to destroy it, destroy everything around him. 

Except you don’t. He’s all you have left, and the realisation makes you numb. Joel fucking Miller is the only goddamn person you have. 

You do as he asks. You look at him. 

“She bought us time," he says. "We can’t waste it now. Do you understand? We can grieve her later, but right now, we gotta go. We have to get up and keep going. For Tess.”

You hate that he’s right most of all. As you begin to shut down, shock taking over, you look back at the smoking State House and stand. And then you clutch Joel’s collar and bare your teeth. 

Ellie stumbles towards you, eyes round with fear, but you’ve lost the will to care about her presence. You’ve lost everything today.

“Don’t you fucking say her name again,” you snap. “You lost that right. I blame you. I blame you for who she became, who we’ve all become.”

Anguish curls across Joel’s features, but you refuse to feel guilty. You let him go roughly and grab your backpack off the floor, the same one you’d clutched during the outbreak just after you’d watched your parents get savaged by your infected neighbours, Tess dragging you to safety. You’d been thirteen years old, and your sister had gotten you through hell and back, that night and every other one that came after. 

“It shouldn’t have ended like this,” you whisper into the wind, swallowing your own tears. 

It’s the last moment you allow yourself to have, and then you wipe your damp cheeks and glare down at Joel again. 

“Get up. Let’s go.”

He does, looking winded as he rises from his knees to his feet. You allow him to lead the way only because he knows the city, knows his way around, far better than you did. Tess rarely let you do jobs out of the QZ, protective until the bitter fucking end. 

You wish more than anything you could have protected her. 

***

You don’t get the chance to catch your breath again until you get to Bill and Frank’s — which is empty. You never met them yourself, but you know Tess warmed to them, so to find them dead too… it feels like the last piece of good in the world is truly gone. You slump onto their couch still wrapped in numbness as Joel and Ellie gather supplies, reluctant to so much as look at you. Later, you hear them talking about showering, and Ellie thumps up the stairs, leaving the place quiet. You should wash, too. You should eat, drink, prepare for whatever comes next, but you can’t move. Can’t do anything. 

After minutes, or perhaps hours, of silence, Joel kneels in front of you with a plate of food. “You need to eat, darlin'. I know it’s hard, but you have to.”

You hate him calling you that. He never used to call you that. He barely addressed you at all, stubborn, grumpy old man he is. But he’s been family for a long time, and the three of you… 

You got by together. Until now. 

You glance down at the food and your stomach turns. 

“Please,” he whispers, voice cracking. It surprises you, that vulnerability bleeding into his words — and it seems to surprise him too, by the look on his face. You’ve never seen him like this. Not once. 

You take a bite for that alone. It’s dry in your mouth, and you find it hard to swallow, so you push the rest away. He sighs and puts it down on the coffee table, swapping the plate for his flask. You take a swig, whiskey burning like vinegar in your throat. 

“If I talk,” he asks, “will you listen?”

“No,” you answer honestly. “No, I don’t feel much like listenin’, Joel.”

Still, he takes your hand. You glare at your intertwined fingers but make no move to pull away. Perhaps part of you still needs to be coddled, taken care of the way Tess might have.

And maybe you need to know you’re not alone. That he isn’t going to give up on you the way he so easily did with Tess. Which is sick, you know, but you’ve never much been able to help the way you feel about him. The way you have always wanted to peel away his layers and understand him. Tear away his self-hatred, guilt, grief, for whatever horrors he faced before. 

“I didn’t want this. Not for Tess and sure as hell not for you.”

“I told you,” you bit. “I told you not to say her name.”

“I made a promise to her a long time ago.” He continued as though you hadn’t spoken, his brown eyes pleading. “I promised that if something happened to her, I would always protect you. That’s what I did today. I was honouring that promise, and honouring your sister. If you need someone to blame, someone to hate, if that makes it easier, go ahead. But don’t think for a second that this was a choice I wanted to make. I cared about her. I care about you. And even if I have to drag you kickin’ and screamin’, I’m getting you to Wyoming, to Tommy. You and I still have a job to do.” Slowly, as though unsure how you’ll react, he tucks your hair behind your ear. “That kid needs us, but we need her a hell of a lot more if the cure is real. And I… I need you. I need you here with me, safe. I ain’t losing another…”

He bows his head, words thickening.  “I ain’t going back on my promise to Tess, so you can make it difficult as you like. You can never lay your damn eyes on me again. But I’m getting you through this.”

A tear drips down your cheek, your entire body trembling as the sorrow, the grief, finally takes over. 

“Oh, baby,” Joel whispers, voice full of the same loss, the same pain. 

A whimper escapes you as you put your head in your hands. You can’t even hate him now, because you can imagine your martyr of a sister asking Joel to do just that. To protect you above all else. Still, you despise it — despise that your choices were taken away, your voice ignored. 

“I should have been with her,” you say. “She shouldn’t have died alone.”

“She died knowing you were being taken care of.” He squeezes your knee with rough hands. “She died knowing she saved us. It’s the best anyone could’a done. I wish it could have been different.”

“I don’t know how to do this without her,” you admit, because how can you keep it all in? All the love you had for her, all that grief… where will you put it when it’s spilling out of you without warning? 

“That’s something we’ll figure out,” Joel responds. He’s drawing circles into your lower thigh now, the pad of his thumb wearing down your denim jeans slowly. Wearing you down slowly. “You should take a shower then see about finishing your food. That hot water… it’ll help. And I won’t be mad if you use it all before I get my turn.” He offers you a small smile.

But you can’t imagine anything ever helping. You close your eyes, sinking back into the couch. “In a minute. I just need…” You don’t know what you need. If you’re being honest, you need Tess. 

As though knowing it, Joel rises, the couch cushions dipping with his weight beside you. He lets out a soft sigh, fidgeting with his fingers. You feel the weight of his gaze on the side of your face. 

A moment later, he’s draping a blanket over you, and your lids flutter open again in confusion. 

“S’okay,” Joel says. “Get some rest. I’ll wake you when it’s time to go.”

You don’t need to be told twice. But when you try to nod off, you only see Tess burned on the inside of your eyelids. Her face the last time you saw it. The bite. Her pleas for you to go.

You give up quickly, aware Joel is still beside you, unmoving. It isn’t like him to not be moving. 

Rubbing your face, you sit up, pushing the blanket off. “Joel…”

“Hmm?”

“Blaming you... it doesn't make it fucking easier. I understand why you did what you did, even if I don’t like it. But if you ever take away my choice again… I won’t go on with you. I can’t. I know you and Tess still see me… saw me,” you correct with a wince, “as a kid, but I’m not. Not anymore. And I sure as hell ain’t your responsibility.”

“I don’t see you as a kid,” he says quietly. “And I don’t see you as my responsibility, either. Honestly?” He purses his lips, tapping on the arm of the couch before he continues, “I see you as the only damn thing worth going out of my way to protect. Make of that what you will. Just… don’t expect me to let you die if that’s your choice. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I won’t apologise for it, either.”

You’re not sure what to say to that; what it means. Why Joel, of all people, is the one to say it. You always thought he and Tess… 

“Why? That promise mean so fucking much?”

“Yeah." He looks at you as though for the first time. "Yeah, it does."

You don’t have the energy to wonder what it means anymore. Instead, you pull yourself up on unsteady feet. Your mind is racing, and that shower is sounding better as reality sets in. Just in time, Ellie returns with damp hair and fresh clothes. She offers a small, reassuring smile, and you ruffle her hair, feeling guilty that a fourteen-year-old was subjected to everything you went through in Boston. Whoever she is, whatever purpose people want her to serve… she’s just a kid, and you couldn’t hold it together for her today. That makes you a shitty chaperone.

“My turn,” you mumble, glancing at Joel a final, wary time before heading upstairs. His expression doesn’t change, but you see something new in it now. Something strange. 

Something that looks an awful lot like care.

[softlyspector]

choices

Summary: Joel is dying. He reflects on the choices he made.

Word count: ~2.2k

Relationship(s): Joel & Sarah, Joel & Ellie, Joel & Tommy

Warnings: spoilers for tlou part 2, a whole lot of grief and love, descriptions of violence and injuries and death, confusion, trauma, written in like two hours and edited only lightly, not my usual writing style

A/N: Hello, remember when just this morning I said no golf on this page? I lied a little bit. We're going golfing in this one, but I think the fact that I can write about this without having a breakdown means the big ball of grief in my chest is easing just a little. Maybe that's silly, considering he is Not Real. But it is what it is. I don't expect many of you to read this lil fic but if you do, know I love you and appreciate you. I would love to hear anything you have to say. Thank you for reading <3

“What if she’s still alive, Tommy?”

Tommy’s head snaps in his brother’s direction, Joel still waiting to receive medical attention.

It's warm. The weather is nice. He can hear crickets chirping in the grass. Feels like a fucking crime.

Pandamonium, everywhere, still, in the triage center; but between the two of them it’s quiet, the whole world far away. It has to be, with Sarah’s blood still on his hands, the feeling of her little hands clawing at his bicep still wasping over his skin.

“What the hell are you talkin’ about, Joel?”

“S—” Her name gets caught up in his throat, wads up against the back of his tongue and sticks it to the roof of his mouth. That first letter is sour and anxious, a bitter candy in the maw of his grief.

Daughter, child, baby.

His baby, warm in his arms, her blood threading through his fingers, life draining away.

All he could do was watch and watch and try to stop that horrible red.

He had looked away for one second, and she’d left. Gone.

Two days ago, her body cooled in his arms. Two days ago, he had to close her eyes forever with trembling fingers. He hadn’t been able to look into them again, and would forever be missing that color, trying to remember it, match it to some shade that would never be right, never be her.

“Sarah,” he manages and clears his throat.

Tommy is the one that wants him to get looked at. Because Joel can’t tell if something is wrong or not, from running and falling and being shot at. He doesn’t feel fucking anything, just numbness, just the pull of his skin too tight against his organs and bones. Just a pulsing dark hole, raw and torn at the edges.

Part of him got ripped out when she—

Where had he put it all before, he wonders, all that love? His body isn’t big enough for it. And it certainly ain’t big enough for this much grief.

“What if she was still alive? When we buried her. I want to check.”

Grief.

It will bend over backwards just to look you in the eyes. Denial of its gaze will break even the best of them.

Joel looks away, sees a daughter that might claw free of the fate she suffered.

The memories are sunbursts behind his eyes, blinding and impossible to look at, but not something he could ever forget. Cradling her to his chest, can’t leave her behind, bury her at least, put her bones to rest, but what if she’s alive? Are they sure she was dead? Maybe she’d just passed out?

Tommy shifts, looks away, across the emergency tents and the families still hoping to find a loved one, everyone wondering what the fuck was going on as night falls again, another day in this new world. Forever changed.

He doesn’t need his brother to say it, that she isn’t alive, that Joel had held her and felt for a pulse for hours afterwards, intermittently pressing fingers to neck just to be sure. He doesn’t need Tommy to tell him that even if she had been, they’d buried her two days ago, and she certainly was now.

A wave of grief pulses through his chest again. That’s the only time the numbness abates, just those little moments where love washed away too soon, overpowers.

“Joel—”

Joel isn’t listening. He’s thinking of blue eyes opening six feet under the ground, inhaling dirt, panicking, confused about how she ended up there, suffocating, and Joel had been the one to put her there.

A new wave of emotion passes over Tommy’s face.

“She was gone.” His hand lands on his shoulder.

Little brother who he’d always looked out for and played third parent to, or maybe he was just the second.

“You’re right,” Joel nods, his throat constricts again, glassy pearl of grief swelling against his skin until it feels like it might burst. “I know.” His voice cracks right up the middle.

Joel still hasn’t washed her blood from his fingers, it feels like the last moment of loss, the very last thing he can hold onto.

He still believes in the world, then. That he can hold onto for a second.

And then, him and Tommy are at the border to a quarantine zone a few days after that. Joel still has his kid’s blood staining his t-shirt. Someone checked him out at the triage center, and wiped away the blood before he could stop them, told him he sprained his shoulder.

How did that happen? And did it matter, if he couldn’t feel it at all? He doesn’t feel pain or hunger or anything else, just wave after wave of grief. He doesn’t even feel angry.

But then they’re there, truck confiscated, in the processing center to the Austin QZ, with backpacks and the clothes on their back and a promise that they’d be able to get a letter to his mother when he is waved in and Tommy is not.

Then, the anger sets in and the world changes in his mind and he sees it for what it has become. The thing that took Sarah and wrought hell and wanted to take more.

It would not happen again.

He argues with the officers and gets angry, the kind of angry that used to follow him before Sarah arrived and mellowed him out. They won’t hear sense, even though taking Tommy would be the same as taking Joel. They have most of the same skills. His brother is better than him, anyhow.

But maybe that’s the problem. Similar skills and one with ideals.

“It’s all right, Joel, I’ll figure somethin’ else out. I’ll head to Arlington.” He never would have let that happen, not then, not at that moment, but if he had, he knows he never would have seen Tommy again.

He’s on the knife’s edge of being restrained when he walks back through the gate to his brother’s side.

It’s a relief.

Not again.

They never find their mother; they never get to send a letter.

He makes the choice for them, even though Tommy tells him to go on. “They wouldn’t have me now, anyhow. We’re better off this way.”

Joel doesn’t hear any arguments and eventually Tommy stops trying.

It’s the same kind of change that would bloom dangerous and righteous in St. Mary’s twenty odd years later. The same kind of relief when he finally finished his terrible task, choice made, crisis averted, for the time being.

Tommy came to resent Joel for the choices he tried to make for both of them, so it’s no wonder Ellie would one day, too.

When Joel dies, when he’s dying, when he’s being beaten to death, and his mind finally parts from his body and the pain fades—he thinks of that moment, Tommy staring at him through that fence.

He thinks of Sarah, her tiny frame in his arms, the way she was so small when she died and when she was born. So fragile against his chest, baby hair like yellow fluff, both times.

He thinks of Ellie, smiling at him, fearlessly leaping from great heights and scaring him half to death, thinks of dinners together before everything went to hell, thinks of hats on dinosaurs, books about space read aloud, the desperate clawing, asking to stay close when he could feel her slipping away.

He thinks of Tess, how she wanted to lie low and take a break, after. He thinks of that bite on her neck and the sprawl of her broken body on a chilled marble floor.

Joel never got enough time with anyone.

Reviled, always, for what he would do for them.

And still he would do it again and again and again.

The nine iron comes down on his shoulder, the reverberation of it echoing through his body, the vast cavernous, cancerous space of it. Pinging off ribs and around the blackened, singed accordion of his lungs, sluggishly billowing open and closed, like the end of a song he never knew how to sing.

What kind of hell did he end up in? Inflicted with a beating he can no longer feel; slow; the end long overdue.

A merciful one, maybe.

A deserved one, maybe.

But it is the end.

Violent, like it should be. Like it had been for so many others. The way he had made it for so many others.

Sarah, bleeding in his arms. Her eyes blank and unseeing and the fear that he had buried his blood before her time, that somewhere in the earth she still writhed. Undeniable, then, that it was his fault.

Ellie, machete raised above her head, bringing it down, over and over, blood on her face and then crying in his arms. He would never be able to say what he said to her then to soothe her, his skin frozen cold against hers, sweaty and tacky with fear and adrenaline.

The fire had felt much hotter than it was against the cold, her body fitted into the cradle of his. She was so little against him. Just a kid. He would be, and was, sorry about that for the rest of his life. What she had endured alone, that she had had to save him.

Again.

The point of no return, a fate sealed in blood.

Tried to deny it, even after he decided to take her to the university. Muttered promises he had to fulfill, or else.

Or else, he’d lose what little of his soul he might have left.

Well, I’m not leaving here without you.

With Sarah’s picture in his pocket, he had kept that promise.

He cracks an eye open, and there she is.

Maybe he should wonder why she’s there, be afraid that she is. But all he is, is glad.

See you around.

A promise to try her hand at forgiving him, and here she is, trying.

Ellie's voice.

He wishes he could hear her. She’s looking at him, and that’s fine. He misses her and wishes he would have said that.

Joel blinks, once, slowly, the image of her flickers. The little girl that hadn’t wanted to go anywhere with him, had wanted to stay with her friend Marlene, the leader of the Fireflies. He sees the child Tess had looked him in the eye over and said look, I get it and nothing else, because what else was there to say? Tess knew about Sarah, and Tess knew him.

Terribly transparent, a horrific liar.

He feels the weight of her in his arms through the thin cotton of that hospital gown and then the warm press of her palms shoving him away. All the heaviness of his sins, the break of teeth against untruth, the hard skin of lies. He hears the wracking sobs, the betrayal. A flare of real pain accompanies it, washes cold like a wave across a shore.

And still, he’d do it again.

If he had to, and even if he didn’t. Because it matters. Ellie matters.

The pit of love inside him, that saving, healing, mellowing thing that shouted in colors of grief and made him smile again, play the guitar again and sing again, that made him miss in a way that stung a little less.

Her grave, without a marker.

Dirt on a little body that they couldn’t even put in a pine box. Tommy crying, Joel silent. He’d done his howling.

When Ellie pushed him away, held him at arms length and decided she hated him for the choice he made for her, even if no one was going to have one either way, there hadn’t been howling, either.

There was nothing to mourn after all.

She lives, she breathes. She is safe and has other people to support her.

He wondered, after, when they got back to Jackson and she stopped talking to him, if all that love had only ever gone one way, choked in an artery that spilled out onto the wrong avenue, like everything inside him had been built backward.

Maybe she stopped caring about him, but there had been love there once, and that’s all someone like him could ever hope for.

Just a split second, of being enough, of being the right thing at the right time and making the right decision in the right way.

He sees the decisions lined up, like glass bottles on a wall, like he was a kid with a BB gun. Sarah and Tommy and Tess and Ellie. Maybe if he’d done one thing different or everything different, things would have ended up different and better.

Maybe they would have all gotten to make the choices they really deserve.

He blinks again and the little girl is gone, replaced with the woman she grew into. The one he’s proud of and keeps tabs on, because that’s his kid and that’s what a parent does.

There are tears, and he can hear her a little. Her voice is breaking. He wants to tell her it’s okay.

That’s what he does, tries to do anyway, make sure everyone and everything is okay. He did that, too, even when she didn’t know it. Made sure she came home and got enough and listened with pride when people said she was doing well.

But this is the end and the executioner’s blade is raised high.

Joel twitches, reaching, fingers curling, wants to say it, but he can’t. His own blood pools cold and sticky beneath his head.

He's tired.

He’s sorry that she has to see.

Sorry that it takes him so long to die.

He doesn't regret anything.

He would do it all over again.

Thanks for reading if you got this far 💕 Would love to know what you think!

[ellieluvr420]

Eye for an Eye Pt.5

MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!

SYNOPSIS: Your body yearned for the touch of your girlfriend, the warm embrace that calmed your mind but you couldn't give in, the anger you harboured for her at disappearing with her group for three months without any warning, explanation or even a mention of when she would be back stopped you in your tracks any time you got close to giving in. You loved Abby so much but looking at her made you sick, you couldn't push the feelings down no matter how much you craved for things to go back to what they once were. You hadn't planned this but the anguish in those green eyes mirrored yours and sucked you in before you could think twice about the repercussions of your actions. You made your bed when you made the deal with the auburn-haired stranger, eventually you'd have to lie in it.

I want to quickly stress that this is a darker fic and there will be a lot of darker, possibly triggering themes to do with mental health throughout so take that as a warning. I likely won't do warnings for each part because part of this fic for me is that you don't know what's going to happen until you read it so please do not read if you find graphic descriptions of mental illness and topics surrounding that triggering (this includes suicide, be warned). But if you do read, thank you so much, this story is really important to me and I appreciate any interaction whatsoever!

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧      

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” Her pistol jammed into your chest as she grabbed your hair and yanked it, pulling your head backwards to meet her eyes. The force of it causing you to drop the polaroid on the floor.

“Ellie, I’m sorry.” 

“You’re fucking sorry? You’re sorry you didn’t tell me you’re with the girl who bashed Joel’s head in with a golf club while they made me watch? You’re fucking sorry? Sorry’s not good enough.” She cocked the gun and you didn’t even flinch, you just stayed frozen in your place as you pictured Abby, your sweet Abby, before everything happened and suddenly a switch flipped, you wouldn’t die before she did, you had to keep going. 

“Wait! Ellie, look, I know it’ll be hard to believe me, but I still want to help you. I want her dead just as much as you do.” 

“How do you expect me to believe that?” 

“Because it’s the truth. Yes, I was in love with her, but she broke my heart when she left without telling me, she didn’t care about me, she left me to rot on my own and when she came back she still wouldn’t tell me where she had went, she watched me crumble, become a shell of myself, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep and it didn’t change anything for her, she ruined me. Then you told me what she had done and that was it, she wasn’t my Abby anymore, you want to kill her and I want to help, that’s the truth Ellie.” She loosened her grip on your hair and retracted her gun as she took two steps back from you, shaking her head like she was trying to stop your words entering her ears. 

“So- so what, you help me kill her and then you just live happily ever after? You’re full of shit.” 

“No Ellie, I was going to kill her and then kill myself.” The words fell out of your lips before you even had time to process what you were thinking. There was silence between you both, she just stood and stared and you never let your eyes leave the floor as you pinched at the skin on your arm, you’re real, this is real, you’re conscious. 

“W-what, why?” You chuckled at her bewilderment like the answer to her question was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Because I’m basically dead anyway, I signed my death warrant the second I agreed to help you, they’ll figure it out sooner or later but they won’t find you before you get to them. I accepted my fate when I agreed to help you because I can’t live with her but I can’t live without her so I don’t see myself being able to live like this much longer.” 

“Like what?” 

“My mind is splintered, I keep saying things in my head but different words are coming out of my mouth and I have no idea what I said in place of what I was thinking. I keep blacking out, I’m losing time, one minute I’m walking out of the theatre with you and the next we’re in Hillcrest but I can’t find you because apparently I wandered off without a trace. I don’t even know if you were telling the truth to Jesse when you said I saved you from two clickers on the way there because I have no memory from when we left the theatre to when I found that Wolf. I don’t remember the journey from... the house by the hospital to- to here. I reached for the door handle to leave and instead I was opening the window for us to climb through. Earlier today I imagined that I strangled Abby to death and it felt so real until I snapped back to reality and she was sitting right in front of me. When I passed out as we came in, what happened in my head was that as I got through the window I turned back to see Abby following me in instead of you. She grabbed me and she- I don’t even know what the fuck she did but it felt like I was dying. I’m going fucking insane and there’s nothing I can do to stop it because Abby broke my heart and dragged my soul away from me too. I am nothing, I will never be anything again.” You sobbed, choking on the lump in your throat as you just tried to keep going. “The first time I even felt like I was attached to my body in months was in that fucking house with you Ellie and then it happened all over again and I was screaming and crying but I wasn’t because I was kissing you back and I actually felt real but in my head I was begging for you not to become a monster like me. I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep, I can’t function because the person I trusted with my life is slowly killing me. I’d rather die than keep living like this but she doesn’t get to just move on and forget about me all over again once I’m gone. She has to pay too. I know you’re not telling me everything about why she killed Joel but I don’t care, I want to die and I want to take her with me.” You suck a breath in to try and steady your voice and clear your mind. “I’m sorry for lying, I really am. I shouldn’t have been an asshole about you not telling me about Dina because I’ve done worse but I have no control anymore and I just saw red when you told me about her. I haven’t always been a monster like this I swear, I’m just- I'm too far gone to save. So I was gonna help you kill her and then kill myself. That’s the truth, I swear.” Fuck, why did you say that? Why did you actually just tell her that?

You feel dizzy, out of breath from your monologue. You don't want to look at Ellie, to see her reaction, you know it won't be good, you're surprised she hasn't shot you already, you just let the tears stream down your cheeks as you stare at the floor.

"Why didn't you say anything when I found you in Hillcrest?"

"It was the first time I properly blacked out for a long time, I was scared and I thought you'd think I was mad and shoot me there and then, I can't die until I know she'll be there waiting for me." It was grim, hearing your words, you couldn't imagine what Ellie was thinking.

"What if we kill her and you go back to n- you stop feeling all?-" She cuts herself off, unable to find a phrase to use that seemed appropriate.

"Stop feeling fucking insane?" You both chuckle quietly, it was bittersweet, more bitter than sweet.

"Sorry."

"Don't be, that's what I am, I doubt that'll change but even if it does, it won't change my mind. This is what has to happen, I know it doesn't make sense, to you anyway, but this is it for me, I don't have a future anymore because I can't have one with her. It's pathetic but she was the only thing that brought light into this shitty life and she ripped it away when she left, I'm sick of living in the dark."

"You're the most complicated person I've ever met."

"Could say the same to you."

"What?" She scoffs.

"I know you love Dina, you wouldn't call what happened between us a complication?"

"No, it's not complicated in my mind. It's about the simplest thing I've got going on up there these days." She taps her temple twice, it was your turn to scoff, she had to be joking. There's nothing simple about it, you had promised yourself you'd keep your distance because you couldn't get wrapped up in anything that might alter the course of your plan and that included Ellie... and her girlfriend.

"It won't happen again Ellie." Her face drops from the cheeky smirk that had been playing on her features, her eyes fluttering shut as she nods her head and bites the inside of her cheek.

"Please don't... you know... Come back to Jackson with us. You can start fresh." Her eyes lit up as she finished her sentence, a new sense of hope coursing through her veins that dissipates the second she meets your eyes.

"I can't do that, you know that, besides, you should want me dead for what I've done, why the fuck would you want me to come back with you?"

"I don't know but I can't just leave you here to die. I can't let you go." Quiet falls over you both, you shouldn't have asked her that, you knew the answer would only hurt more. You could never be what she needs, Dina is what she needs. You don't know Dina, but you know she's what's good for Ellie, she's the opposite of you, she's the light where you're the dark. She's the warm when you're the cold. Ellie deserved light and warmth, not cold and dark, that's all you'd ever be and that's all Ellie would ever want, it was sad, crushing but it was reality. You would always be Abby's even in death.

Why the fuck did you kiss her? You're fucking evil for doing this to her.

"When this is all done, go home with Dina and move on, forget about me and everything that happened here."

"I can't do that, you know that." She mimics your words and it stings.

"Ellie, I'm a fucking monster, I'm evil and I'll only dirty you. All I've done, you don't deserve someone like me in your life. I'll only bring you pain and suffering and I'll ruin you and your home. Leave me behind and get out while you can, before it catches up to you, don't get dragged down with me when I eventually go." Silence. She doesn't speak, only furrows her eyebrows as she steps towards you.

"It just happened again." Her reply confused you, it was obvious from your face that you hadn't caught on. "You didn't say anything just then. You just stared at me, not even at me, you stared through me."

"No." You breathed out, your voice wobbling.

"I'm sorry." She sounded sincere, she was, she watched as you disappeared behind your eyes and then reappeared like it was nothing, you were struggling to hold it together in front of her and she knew it.

"FUCK!" You curse out. "See what I mean, I'm barely alive anyway, what fucking difference does it make?"

"All the fucking difference! You're alive, you don't feel it but you're alive, you're here. Being alive in the world we live in is a fucking miracle, you can't just throw it away."

"I'm not just throwing it away Ellie. I can't see another way out of this. Just let me help you finish this and then forget about me. I'm not gonna change my mind so stop fucking trying." You snap, your voice harsh and distant as you look anywhere but her. You couldn't, you knew it would be too hard. Ellie stepped closer pleading with you in her head to just look at her like you'd hear her thoughts but you wouldn't, couldn't look at her and it sent shooting pains through her chest. She still hadn't learnt how to deal with sadness, it had always just turned to anger. The anger she could deal with, she could process to a certain extent, but sadness just lingered in her and caused her body to ache and her mind to become clouded, slightly separating her from the world. You were sad, gut-wrenchingly heartbroken, she saw herself in you and it only fed her delusions more, you would both finish this and you wouldn't feel this way anymore, that was the only possible outcome in her mind. She felt hope, the tiniest shimmer of light in a sea of darkness, almost being drowned out but still there. Though it was hard for the light to compete, her anger at your stubbornness and your lies crashing through her mind. She wanted this to work but she was still so aggrieved by your cold shoulder.

"How can I trust you now?" Her voice was sharp, covering the real feelings bubbling up. She trusted you, even after finding out about your relationship with Abby, she trusted you but she just needed to hear you speak again.

"I have patrol with Manny, I was just gonna kill him then and tell you but if you wanna see for yourself, I'll tell you where we're going to be and when. But if you get caught, it's not on me." She doesn't make a move to speak, only wincing slightly, almost unnoticeably at the coldness of your last statement. You wait and wait but she doesn't reply, she just stares, the look on her face screaming of dissatisfaction. "Look I know it's not Abby but it's only gonna be me and Manny on that patrol so when I come back alone and say he died, I'm gonna get interrogated for hours, it's protocol. I'm putting myself at risk here before I can even get to Abby because I want her to feel the pain of losing all of her friends. If I wasn't serious about all of this, why would I risk killing him in a way that could get me in serious trouble? Yes I want to end it but not until after she's gone, think about it Ellie, I'm doing this because I want to speed up the timeline. I want her dead, please believe me." Even as you beg, you still sound cold, the temperature around you both dropping to the point where there ware goosebumps prickling your skin.

"Fine. Now why don't you run off back to your little girlfriend and let me sleep." Little wasn't exactly the right word but Ellie had lost all control of her mouth, she sounded rough and hateful and she was anything but that towards you, being around you after all you had said was just too much of a reminder of the reality of what's to come and she wasn't ready to face that.

You didn't fight, you didn't have it in you. You just turned on your heel and walked away from her without another glance at the girl's defeated face. The polaroid still laying on the floor where you had been stood, abandoned by you.

tags: @emiliabby @liasxeatt @kawaiibreadbouquet-blog @tphmnv @a-little-bit-of-everybody @chrry1ovr @bready101

[lillysbigwilly]

i fcking love streamer!ellie but what if reader was the streamer?! imagine ellie being a huge fan and always leaving comments during her stream. she's also internally freaking out when she meets the reader in person and experiencing gay panic, at the same time, because "holy sht she is the prettiest person i've ever seen in my entire fcking life."

okay it’s official, anon i absolutely love you, you god 🤍

streamer!reader x Ellie Williams head canons

can i appoint myself the queen of streamer!ellie head canons or is that narcissistic (leave requests my loves)

it would 100% start off with ellie being bored shitless, hopping through tv channels, netflix, youtube etc before finally turning to a streaming sight.

she loves gaming and often finds herself on that platform however she’s never seen you before that day. you were pretty big, rolling in about 50k viewers per stream but you were more of a baking stream, qna stream person rather than gaming

however, your friends had persuaded you to play a story game for that stream. you honestly couldn’t remember the name but it was some sort of zombie apocalypse one

it was fun and ellie actually sat through your whole stream.

after that, she had subscribed (in which you read out her username and she literally almost screamed hearing your pretty voice say her name) and she watched every other stream after that

she favoured the baking ones, seeing you all dressed up with a cute lil apron on over your clothes.

and ellie liked you even more when you made weed brownies live. saying they where ‘funny’ brownies so you didn’t get demonetised

she thought you were absolutely stunning and quickly ranked up to one of your favourite fans with her silly comments and the sweetest complements on each of your streams.

plus she sent you a lot of money.

it was actually after your birthday stream that she met you in real life.

she had been watching for a little over a year and you had gone out with your friends to celebrate your birthday after a short stream

as you were walking down the road to meet said friends , you noticed a pair of eyes on you which wasn’t unusual since you were pretty well known however you recognised her face from somewhere.

ellie’s eyes widened as you walked closer to her. her cheeks flushed red as she subtly looked you up and down. gay mother fucking panic.

now the girl knew she didn’t like men and only liked women but shit did you solidify it. she had been with girls before but you were something else

“i know you” is the first words you said to ellie and her heart just about stopped beating. sure, you acknowledged her online. even becoming mutuals after a comment she left on your post made you laugh but you knowing ellie? impossible “ellie right”

she didn’t trust her voice so she simply nodded. her response made you smile.

you gave her your number, it was dangerous. you didn’t know if she would leak it or whatever but you still did it and it was the best damned decision ever.

you know what they say about lesbians moving quick as fuck. yeah that was true for you and ellie. literally going on a date one week, making it official the next and then she practically moved in after that

neither of you mind, ellie chipped in with food and rent even though you told her you had enough.

(imagine you had ended up with dealer!ellie😳 that itself is a whole other story)

she would start joining your streams, fans would speculate and obviously it was true but they didn’t need to know that just yet.

it was only when you were spotted together holding hands and kissing that i officially came out that you we’re together (celeb tearoom type shit. TMZ drama alert and all that covered it)

you would often try to correlate outfits when you streamed together, if you had pink on then so did she.

there was the usual jealous people that commented against ellie and it did hurt at the beginning. nothing a few words of encouragement and steamy nights with you couldn’t fix.

seriously though, most of your fans adored her. she was quite shy at first and saw how absolutely smitten you were with each other. obsessed with the way you looked at each other when the other looked away

cooking streams that end up being a nightmare. flour and shit everywhere.

speaking of flour. the fans realised you had a special someone in your life when flowers started appearing in the back of your streams. often hung upside down so they last longer.

you eventually get matching tattoos, little hearts on your wrists both with red ink. meaningful but not big. you were both sure you were in it forever but just in case.

(unrelated but imagine ellie with a nose ring)

your fans were nosy sure but they were damn respectful - minus the odd few. if it was obvious you were on a date, all dressed up and i’m a fancy restaurant, they will not interfere which you were super appreciative about

the fans could tell you were in love with each other from day one

[chaotic-mystery]

cant stop thinking about jealous!joel miller and the way he’d react to seeing others flirt with you. just a little after your arrival to jackson, the three of you tired and just starting to socialize. you get talking with a friend of maria’s who introduced you. and joel is there watching, pretending to be interested in whatever the bored housewife hanging off his arm was even talking to him about. he burns with jealousy he doesn’t know what to do with and ends up crossing the bar to get to you. where he makes some kind of show of getting his hands on you and subtly proving his protectiveness and jealousy over other men talking to you. give it some real angst for me, please?

A/N: Bestie, I tried so hard for this and it's a little long, I hope I did it some justice!

“You’re what?” He shot up from the chair at the table and followed you down the hallway. “I’m going to the bar to go and be social, Joel. I’m fucking tired of being alone, I need more interaction. Besides, how would that look on us if we just stayed cooped up in the house instead of getting to know the people who were so kind to let us into their town?” you waited for a response, but it never came. You exited the bedroom and started for the door.  “So are Ellie and I not enough for you anymore?” he shouted at you as you were about to swing the front door wide open. Stopping dead in your tracks, doorknob in hand, you spun around quickly. “Excuse me? No, you don’t get to throw that at me, asshole. I love you both dearly, but god damn...I can only take so many of her jokes, and I can only deal with you being so cold towards me for so long. I’m sorry if I want to go somewhere I actually feel wanted. So if you want to, you can tag along or you can stay here with Ellie and watch a movie.” You didn’t mean for the words to sound so harsh, but maybe you were glad they hurt him a little. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. A scoff left your lips and out the door you went not wanting him to see the tears trying to escape your eyes. The walk to the bar was quiet, neither one wanted to speak.

Once you got inside and ordered a drink, he grabbed your arm and pulled you close to him. "For the record, I do want you, baby” Looking into those beautiful deep brown eyes was the biggest mistake you could’ve made. They always made you forgive him and you hated that. “Then act like it maybe” you snapped at him and gave his bottle a sarcastic clink with yours, making your way to Maria. Your hand brushed against her arm as you greeted one another and she told you she had some friends she wanted to introduce you to. Glancing behind you, your eyes found the woman next to Joel and he wasn’t entertained at all by her standing too close for his comfort, rambling on about god knows what. Maria introduced you to almost everyone there when you finally got to the last group of people. A pair of brothers and their friend were sitting at a table alone with beer bottles scattered across in front of them when you approached and Maria gave a quick introduction between everyone. She left to go find Tommy and you sat at the table with the men, asking where they were originally from and how everyone made it to Jackson. 

Joel was eventually out of eyesight as everyone shuffled around the floor, but you knew he was still with the same woman only because her laugh echoed from the same spot behind the sea of people in front of your table. You couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to see Joel. A point had to be made though and he’s been distant towards you ever since you almost got killed when the patrolling people of Jackson didn’t know why you were there or that Joel was Tommy’s brother. So many apologies were said, but he didn’t want to hear it. Ever since then he hasn’t said much of anything, so it was a slap in the face to you when he asked if Ellie and him weren’t enough. 

As the night went on, less and less people shielded you at the table. Joel's eyes landed on where you were, currently playing cards with the men you were actually enjoying talking to. His body was on fire with jealousy, because you couldn't see what he was seeing. They didn’t want to just chat and be friendly and play cards, they wanted more from you. The guy sitting next to you started inching closer, his arm finding its way around your shoulders. You kept knocking it down off of you as you just wanted to win this hand of cards and go home. “Stop, sweetheart. I’m just trying to make you feel comfortable.” the table erupted in laughs and you caught on to what was going on. “Well can we just finish this hand? I’m kinda tired, I need to get back to my boyfriend anyway.” That’s never scared off anyone before and you didn’t know what made you think that would work now. Looking beyond the ones sitting in front of you, you found Joel who had his chair planted just right so you were in his eyesight the entire time. The woman was leaning over him, hand on his thigh as she asked if she should get more beers for the two of them. “No, I think you should go home darlin. I’m sure you don’t want your husband to come lookin for you and find you draped all over me because you’re bored with him, and he’d try to kick my ass like it’s my fault, and the next thing you know you’re not bored because you’ll be taking care of him and his bloody nose.” She hopped down off the stool and gave Joel the middle finger as she walked by him, and a smirk grew on your lips. He couldn’t help but chuckle and look away from you. 

“Boyfriend? Baby you’ve been here with us the past almost two hours, if you had a boyfriend, why would he let a pretty girl like you be here alone?” Your sight locked on the man laughing across the short table across from you, and you held your cards against your chest “I can take care of myself, that's why” and with that, you placed them down to show them you won the game. An arm made its way around you, only this time it was your waist as he pulled you close to congratulate you. You tried wiggling away, but his grip got tighter. Joel could see you struggling and that was all he needed to get up and make his way to your table. His hand landed firmly on the guy's shoulder that was around you and he gave it a good grip. “Do you wanna have a broken arm?  If not I suggest you get the fuck off my girl because I will not hesitate and she won’t hesitate to take out your buddies.” You looked at Joel and restrained a grin as he yanked the guy's arm off you and held out his hand to help you up. He pulled you against his chest, his arm wrapped around you tightly like you’d disappear if he didn’t hold on, and gave you a deep kiss with his other hand cupping your cheek. The kiss said it all, the topic didn’t need to be rehashed. Needless to say, the next day you and Joel had to take the bed frame to the shop and put it back together and reinforce it better.

[factual-fantasy]

28 ASKS! THANKS A BUNCH!! 🥰🌊

f...FANK YOIU SO MYUCH!!! 🥰💖💖💖

My cookies can eat and drink :0 but that's mostly becuase I imagine my cookies as more.. people than cookies <XD

Ah, I'm afraid I cannot help you there. I seem to be physically incapable of explaining how I draw things. I've made some hand/art tutorials in the past but I just cant seem to explain myself well-

It boils down to: "Well.. I just, draw it. And uh.. if it looks kind'a off? Draw it a little differently. And if it still looks off.. then uh.. just draw it again, until it looks right." <XDD Not really helpful.. sorry!..

Also thank you so much!! :DD Your compliments mean the world!! 💖

@a-manicured-lawn

ALKSF XDD That sounds great, I'll keep that in mind! :}

(Post in question)

XD It sure is!

That is a good idea! I'll have to keep this in mind! :0 ..Though I do love receiving asks.. 🥺

@headspace-tales

XDD I've been told that Jangles looks like Papyrus, they might fight right in!

Oooo that's a good idea! I might have to try that! :00

(Post in question) (..Or was it this post-)

ALKJSWDJ XDD I'm glad you liked it!! :DD

Probably like warm canned tuna fish spread across a gingerbread cookie XDD

I'm unfamiliar with the world of happy tree friends.. is it safe there? If so, sure they'll stay! :D

That condition was tacked on last minute.. I haven't put much thought into it.. but I'm sure situations like that are very possible :00 I'll have to think more on it! :oo

Can they do that?? Man, Tuna could really use that- <XD

I don't know.. do they? :0

AHEMMM AHEHEMMMMM... THAN K YIOIUUU!!!💖💖💖

SKSAJS IT PROBABLY IS XDD

Aww!! 🥰💖🥰

TERROR!! XDD

I'm not sure.. idk how more cookies in the game are made- <XD

I'm not sure.. I assume a world made of candy would be rather normal to them..? :0

(Post in question)

SKJJDJKSLV XDD

YOOO THATS GENIUS!!

@beryl-shade

I would assume negative.. since a real cookie jar is a bunch of cookies kept "sealed" away in a jar. Its probably the equivalent of a prison to them! :00

My interests come and go. We're bound to see more of it someday, :o

THE NINTENDO SWITCH???

Thank you XDD I hope it works!

ooooo good question! :00

Its rare that Seafoam gets really stressed or overwhelmed. Its the mark of a good Captain to keep his cool when under pressure. But if there comes a time where his stress is high and he cant get away from the situation, he probably seeks out Octo for help. Getting him to take over so that he can step away or just to help him in general. In which Octo is always willing to help.

Octo is the same as Seafoam. Really good under pressure and rarely gets overwhelmed. But just like Seafoam, if things get to be too much he would seek out Seafoam for help. Maybe even getting Seafoam to take control so can get a few minutes to himself.

Red probably gets stressed a lot, the poor kid :< He just runs to Coco, Seafoam, Blue or even Octo if he can. Just the nearest parental/protective figure that can resolve the situation for him <XD

I can see Blue diving deeper or swimming out a ways from the ship when stressed. The whale equivalent of taking a walk <XD

Cuttlefish probably uses her powers to slip out of any situation and find a quiet space to calm down. Removing herself from the situation usually fixes her up pretty quick. Spider crab is the same, just going to find a space alone where he can calm himself down. Usually by taking deep breaths and soaking up the quiet.

Urchin, Louis, Coco, Tuna and Ellie probably would all just find a way to leave the situation to go pace and rant when stressed. Even if they have to make a scene in order to leave.

I can see Pinwheel fleeing to Seafoam whenever something becomes too much to handle. Getting him to step in and help her, though she might not fully leave the situation. Since Seafoam provides her comfort, she might hover nearby while Seafoam resolves the situation for her.. 🥺

(Also thank you for the ask/prompt! Was very tasty😋)

@artistmad (Post in question)

:DD Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! XDD

[dsybouquet]

nine while nine - ellie williams

“and the lipstick on my cigarettes, frost upon the window pane. nine while nine and i’m waiting for the train.”

cw: smoking, mention of smoking weed, mention of od’s (just tiny not related to ellie or reader at all !!), neither angsty nor happy, ellie and reader talking the whole time, no real story to follow

„Fuck this.“, Ellie sweared to herself, watching her train pass by.

Of course she had to miss the earliest train home after a late shift. It being already 9pm, she dropped onto a bench, lighting up a cigarette carelessly.

She had a shitty day and missing the train was the cherry on top. Nevertheless, she couldn’t change her situation. Could only get better from here on, she thought.

Slumbed on that bench, she pulled her scarf closer around her neck. The months kept on getting colder and colder as winter approached. To her surprise snow wasn’t falling yet - perhaps a good sign.

Ellie silently watched the people, though there were hardly any. Most of them appeared to be students that drove home after uni, standing in the cold alongsides homeless people begging for money to buy booze and food - hoping to find a warm place to spend the night in.

„What a sad world we live in.“, a voice said next to her. Ellies head turned and next to her sat a girl, lips painted in blood red lipstick, eyes tired.

„The guy you were watching, he‘d just trying to get money for drugs and will spend the night in the hospital after overdosing.“

The girl pointed at a man, he looked tired, fragile, his body shivering either because of the cold or a possible neglect of poison in his system.

„Yeah. That’s so sad.“, Ellie replied, exhaling the smoke of her cigarette in the pale light of the trainstation laterns.

She eyed the girl again. Her black coat covered almost her entire body, only her heeled boots were visible underneath.

She too light up a cigarette, watching the people in the same silence Ellie had just seconds before she had appeared.

„Do you ever wonder what lifes they live? If they‘re happy?“, she then asked, exhaling the smoke away from Ellies face.

„Sometimes, yeah. Hard to tell.“

Ellies eyes where glued on the girl. Her lipstick staining her cigarette in a pretty red tone, it almost looking like blood coated the filter.

The night was clear, stars slightly visible through the light pollution of their city. The moon as bright as ever. If it wasn’t for the streetlights maybe he could illuminate the entire town by himself.

„What train are you waiting for?“, Ellie dared to ask the girl.

„The one for 9pm, but it had passed already. Will have to wait for the 9.40 train now. You?“, she smiled slightly, inhaling another bit of smoke before exhaling, looking hauntingly beautiful in Ellie’s eyes.

„9.29.“

And they turned silent again. The cold made it unbearable to wait, but there was no inside area at small train stations like this.

Usually, Ellie would kindly decline talks at this hour. She just wanted to go home, roll a blunt and smoke it with a shitty sitcom playing in the background.

But today, she did want to talk. The girl was so.. special, sort of. She didn’t know her, she was a stranger. But something about her was so interesting, breathtaking too.

“Isn’t it so interesting how we see these people every day, taking the same train but we know nothing about them? Their lives, their dark secrets, their routines. Yet we’re kind of a part in it by spending time with them every day at the train station.”, the girl continued, throwing the filter of the cigarette on the ground, exhaling a last bit of smoke.

“Thats crazy, now that I think of it. I see some of them every day, others once a week.”

At this point Ellie figured the girl was a psychology student or a girl that reads too many books. She looked like a Sisters of Mercy song and talked like the biggest poet.

The girl looked at Ellie, taking in her auburn hair, her green eyes and freckles.

“Your face too tells a story, like the little scar on your eyebrow or the eye bangs. Wonder how these things happened.”

Ellie instinctively touched her scar. She tends to forget about it, to forget about how she got into a fight with some guy trying to give her less money for her weed and how she punched his face and he returned the fist too quick for Ellie to dodge.

“Guess we all have our secrets.”

Ellie light up another cigarette, watching every move the girl took.

“I too wonder about you, your ambitions, your past.”, she then added, watching the girl steal the cigarette from her hands.

“As you said, we all have our secrets.”

She put it between her lips and inhaled, her eyes never leaving Ellies. And Ellie couldn’t help but to grin at the silliness of this situation. Sharing a cigarette with a stranger at the train station while waiting for the train.

“What’s so funny?”, she asked, returning the cigarette with a lipstick stain to it. Ellie looked at it.

“Nothing really. Just didn’t have a good conversation like this in a while.“, her eyes went up to the girl as she spoke, taking in the beauty she held for a second.

„Glad to hear th-“

She was interrupted by the automatic train station voice announcing their train to arrive, 9 minutes early.

„Guess that was a good spend of time.“

“Whats your name?“, Ellie asked, standing up and taking the cigarette up to her lips.

„______.“

„I‘m Ellie. Nice to meet you.“

Gently, they shook hands before Ellie turned around to watch her train drive in.

She turned around to wave goodbye, but the girl had vanished, leaving Ellie in confusion.

Yet, she was just a stranger and Ellie just waited for her train.