#They'd Die for each other /in pain

[jaxxsoxxn]

*Shaking like a rapid dog* Nonononono cuz listen, V AND JOHNNY WOULDN'T MEET THEY WOULDN'T MEET IF NOT VS DEATH

Sosososo it's tragic, ofc it is, but it's tragic in "it will never go any other way" tragic

It was always supposed to be like that, they technically shouldn't have met at all, but they got cursed by meeting just to die, they got cursed by loving just to die.

They never could've walked out of it alive, they were doomed from the start till the end,

THEY WERE DEAD FROM THE BEGINNING!! WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE IT IN ANY WAY???

Because that's all you are, even if you can influence it, you can never make it right - there's no right to make

But which life would be worse, to meet and love to death or never meet to begin with?? You are doomed not because it's the way things have to go, but because to meet someone like that you have to let the things go that way.

And how could you not want to meet him, how could you not want to go trough it all again when it ended up being worth it.

[bibiana112]

And for bad oversharing medical news the arrhythmia from december never went away but I thought maybe the throat infection was still there right so that could be a reason but then I went to a specialist and not only is it practically cured (just lingering a bit) but my lungs sound fine as well! which means! the shortness of breath is probably something wrong with the oxygen in the bloodstream and the slight chest tightness is also extremely worrying I could only make an appointment to get it checked next friday and that sounds like way too long

[bluespiritshonour]

Water Siblings and Fire Siblings as Foils

Katara and Sokka are peak sibling rep: they bicker, they hurt each other, they take turns being the voice of reason while the other goes batshit crazy—and they'd die for each other.

And very clearly Sokka's daddy's boy and Katara's momma's girl: and for most parts, they seem to be content with that dynamic.

Look, parents have favourites, let's establish that first: don't come at me for it.

But in a healthy environment, where all of the kids’ emotional needs are met irrespective of which kid gets along with which parent, they're less likely to tear themselves apart yearning for parental affection.

Sokka and Katara's family was a normal one, a healthy one—as healthy as one can be in a war ravaged world—and Sokka and Katara are normal siblings. Even after their mother died Katara doesn't seem to care much that Sokka gets more time with their father. And everytime she brings up their mother Sokka gets this weird look on his face, which, I think is later explained by the fact that he feels guilty that he doesn't even remember what their mother looked like. And it's not because Katara seems to know more about their mother despite being younger.

Neither of them grudge the other for having been close to one of the parents—let's call it ‘being close to’ instead of ‘dad/mum loved you/me more’ because that's what would come up with Azula and Zuko.

One can say that Azula's daddy's girl and Zuko's momma's boy... Except it isn't like that.

Azula wasn't loved by her father; neither was she close to him. If anything she had the illusion that she's close to him. But children can sense when they aren't loved, which can explain why she took her mother being close to Zuko so hard. Because she didn't get that from her father and isn't she supposed to be daddy's girl? But dad's good to her; mum... isn't. Dad lets her do what she wants... As long as she obeys him or she'd end up like Zuko.

For Ozai, both his children are pawns. He uses Azula to abuse Zuko, which in turn is to get at Ursa. And honestly, Ursa was a bad mum and an abuse victim and not the villain are takes that can co-exist.

A lot of mums in primarily patriarchal cultures end up abusing their own kids while trying to protect them in an environment where they themselves hold little power.

Ursa and Hakoda can be compared in this.

Katara haters can look away: she isn't whiny. And even if she is, well, she takes responsibility when no one else does so I guess she deserves to complain if that's what it takes. Katara is extremely mature. When she was mad at Hakoda, she still had the critical thinking skills to point out that yes, she understands why he left. He had to! She doesn't blame him for that, it wasn't his fault that there was war going on—but it still hurt!

And what does Hakoda do? He hugs her and apologises. He doesn't defend himself, because he doesn't need to. She understands! She said she does and he doesn't insult her by making excuses. He acknowledges and validates her pain.

Unlike Katara, who grew up in a healthy family with parents and grandparents and a whole community—Azula was isolated and under the influence of Ozai. And she was so young! If you remember being that young, you'd remember thinking that parents are always right. You don't realise that parents make mistakes too—and while her emotional needs weren't being met by Ozai, she turned to Ursa—but Ursa was at her wits end trying to undo the damage of Ozai's abuse on Zuko.

If she had given attention to Azula, Zuko, who thought that Azula was perfect and already had father's approval would have gone off rails—and since she didn't... Azula went off the rails.

Which was exactly how Ozai would want it. I don't like the comics much but it made sense that Ozai would hold both the children as bargaining chips against Ursa. Ursa made her choice, or rather, the illusion of her choice and Azula had to pay for it: the real reason Zuko could turn over a new page while Azula couldn't was because from the very beginning, Zuko had his mum and uncle.

Azula had no one!

Like Hakoda had to go to war and leave his children behind, Ursa had to choose between Azula or Zuko; Ozai orchestrated it as such.

But while there were people to pick up Hakoda's slack, there was no one to guide Azula. Sokka and Katara raised each other and they had Gran Gran.

Zuko and Azula were constantly pitted against each other by a war-mongering father.

I don't like this unrealistic expectations that fandom has of a family where both the siblings not only love each other equally, they also process emotions similarly (see: the Sokka vs Katara debate on how they both react to trauma) and parents who love all the kids equally.

Katara and Sokka are normal and realistic in the way that they are both different people: they process grief differently. Katara takes up responsibly and grows up too fast, it takes a toll on her and she's vocally expressive. She turns her grief into anger. Meanwhile Sokka internalises it in a survivor's guilt kind of way.

There's also gender involved in the way both pair of siblings interact. It's more subtle for the fire siblings than the water sibling. Plus, Suki makes Sokka drink his respect women juice, please y'all don't call Sokka sexist. That was character development for him which was addressed. I could make another post for gender and A:TLA.

And they both love each other dearly and they're okay with the fact that one is daddy's boy and the other is momma's girl. It's okay.

In contrast Zuko yearns for his father's affection and Azula yearns for her mother's. And while Zuko feels inadequate, for Azula it's “behave or you'll end up like your brother.”

She also learns to derive a sick sort of pleasure from watching Zuko suffer—which is entirely her father's doing. Because in rare moments when she doesn't have anything to gain by getting Zuko into trouble...she actually kind of looks out for him. It's extremely rare and sprinkled here and there to show us the Azula that could have been.

And I don't think Zuko really realised that Azula was abused too—not until he lets go of his father. Until the final Agni Kai. What I love about it is that despite portraying Azula as Zuko's tormentor for 3 seasons (and she was his tormentor) they did not frame the Agni Kai as some epic good vs evil shit.

Because from Zuko's point of view Azula was perfect. He's out here vying for his father's affection while she gets it freely. She's so lucky!—until he lets go of his father and realises what a monster he was... And he also realises that father never really loved Azula either...

They didn't say as much in words. But the final Agni Kai is proof enough. Zuko doesn't rejoice bringing Azula down (technically Katara did it). At this point, I guess, he realises that Azula's a kid too. Even younger than him—that their father couldn't care less about either of them.

Okay. I really do think that Zuko suddenly becoming invested in Azula's redemption would make sense after the Agni Kai. I also read this Twitter thread by Aaron Ehasz where he says he had plans for Azula's redemption and it was fantastic.

So yeah. Without being overt, the water siblings and fire siblings are contrasted by each other. Which is why I don't like the comics trying to do this brother-sister thing where they put Sokka and Katara and Zuko and Azula in back-to-back panels like... Even if I'm a huge supporter of Azula-deserves-redemption I didn't like those panels in the comics.

P.S. don't pit Sokka and Katara against each other. You aren't Ozai. They're different people who process trauma and loss differently and hence, react differently.

Adios.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Selfless hero gets kidnapped and tortured, and the first thought that comes to their mind is “is this punishment for all the things I’ve done..?” even though the worst thing they’ve ever done was something along the lines of beating up a villain for slaughtering dozens of civilians

Then enter their villain love interest who rescues them and showers them with comfort and warmth and hero doesn’t know what to do or how to react since they’ve always been the one to care for others, not being the one being CARED OF by others 💔 (also bc it’s supposed to be their nemesis, so they’re like “why tf are they saving me rn”)

You reap what you sow.

The hero stared at their broken fingers through their blurred vision. Their hands were shaking. Their throat hurt. The rain was cold and uncomfortable as it seeped through their torn clothes.

For the first time, they felt like a child again, getting bullied and beaten up at school. All of it had been so quick. They'd been kidnapped and tortured. They'd been thrown into an alley. But despite the broken bones and the open wounds, the fear was worse. They had slipped back into that terrified kid who couldn't even raise their hand in school.

They knew they deserved it. They deserved all of this. Violence only answered violence and they had beaten up enough people to be a criminal themselves.

When they saw the headlights, the hero closed their eyes laboriously. Would running over by a car be a painless way to die? They could tell bleeding out wasn't their biggest problem. It was the cold.

The driver's door opened and at first, the hero couldn't even tell that it was the villain who was approaching them.

"Shit..." the villain cursed. They didn't look amused.

Although the hero couldn't believe the villain was here to save them, they prayed in secret that it was true.

When the villain was close enough, they kneeled next to them.

"What happened?" Their eyes had dark circles under them and as the rain soaked through the villain's perfect hair, the hero understood that they truly weren't here to kill them.

The villain's hand found the hero's forearm.

"Talk to me, what happened?"

"I don't know, I really don't-" Suddenly, the hero's throat closed and the tears followed promptly. Their nose was running and anew, they were teleported back in time. So many times, they had blamed themselves for the abuse, they had protected their abusers and now, they could feel themselves do the same thing all over again. "I messed up."

"You went missing for two days," the villain said.

"What!? No, that can't be true. I was gone for a few hours, I swear." The hero felt more pain crawl up their throat. How on earth were they going to explain that to their boss? "Shit, what am I doing?! I have to go home."

They tried to pull themselves up and stand but their ankles had been smashed with a pipe. That they could remember. Embarrassingly, the hero struggled and almost fell to the ground again.

"Alright," the villain said calmly and before the hero could say anything, they picked them up as if the hero didn't weigh anything at all. "That's enough."

At first, the hero wanted to protest. But they didn't have the energy to fight nor did they think it would get them anywhere. The villain was warm and gentle, their hands were soft and their voice was calm. The hero knew this was dangerous. They were walking into a trap, into a comfortable and safe trap.

The villain was probably waiting for the right moment to end them.

However, when the villain put them on the backseat, they weren't sure what to expect. Although it was a big car, it was surely not designed to fit two people on top of each other in the back.

"What are you doing?" the hero asked. They were getting tired. "Why are you helping me?"

"Remember that time you pulled me out of the river?"

"Oh."

"Yeah," the villain said. They took off their coat and put the coat on the hero, attempting to cover them. "Now, let's start over. What happened?"

"I told you, I messed up..."

"I don't believe that. Please, in your own time." They held onto the driver's seat and reached for all the buttons in the front. Suddenly, the car got warmer and the hero grabbed the villain's hand. Their broken fingers didn't want to cooperate but at this point, the hero cared little for the pain. The villain turned again and all of their attention seemed to be on the hero.

"I got kidnapped and then tortured; I thought I was going to die there. I was so scared. I froze and I didn't put up a fight. I couldn't..."

"Okay," the villain said. Their eyes didn't leave the hero's face and the hero almost thought they had said something wrong. "Easy..."

The villain gently rubbed the hero's thigh.

"You're safe now, okay?"

The hero nodded.

"It was bound to happen. You reap what you sow. I am not a good person and I was selfish, I-"

"No," the villain said. "Don't do this to yourself. You didn't do anything wrong."

The hero could feel the tears again. God, they were such a mess today. They couldn't hold back anymore.

"Please," the hero whispered. "What are you doing to me?"

"I'm bringing you home," the villain said. The hero's hand was still around theirs.

"No, what are you doing to me? What are you doing to my brain? Why are you so nice? Why do you care?" At this point, they were exhausted. Exhausted from crying, exhausted from the pain. The hero craved a long hot bath but the villain so close to them came pretty close to that.

"Someone has to, don't you think?" Something in their expression told the hero this wasn't the whole truth. "We have to go now, okay? You seriously need some medical attention."

Their gaze lingered on the hero for a little bit longer before they got into the driver's seat.

[subskz]

rin what do u think each skz members' orgasms are like? like what sounds they'd make, what expressions? 😩😩😩

what a delicious question…i went a bit too hard so it’s under the cut heh

chan - he is so so loud. one of the loudest if not the loudest of all the boys, he gets fully lost in the heat of the moment that not even his shyness can keep him from letting out the most sinful moan after moan w barely any chance to breathe in between, he might even borderline scream when it first hits. channie seems like the type who hard time controlling himself when he's feeling any strong emotion...think of all the involuntary shouts he lets out when he's super excited, it's almost like that hehe. he almost looks and sounds like he’s in pain or crying bc of how intensely he expresses his pleasure...eyes squeezed shut, eyebrows furrowed, face scrunching up w his puffy lips parted so wide to spill out all those pretty cries <3 the veins in his arms n neck would be super prominent too, esp if you're within reach and his arms aren't bound, he'll grip onto you for dear life until his muscles are bulging. i dont think he’d be able to look at you when he cums, poor baby wouldn't be able to handle it and he also just physically can't force himself to keep his eyes open when he's feeling so good. he'd either keep them closed tight w his head tilted back, or he'd bury his face into your shoulder if the position allows it...he might even nuzzle his nose against yours to wordlessly beg you to kiss him through his high. afterwards once his panting starts to die down and some of the fog in his head starts to clear, he'd let out an exhausted, embarrassed giggle when it starts to sink in that he was the one making all those shamelessly filthy noises just moments ago

lino - sooooo pretty. the type to throw his head all the way back and give you a full view of his face as his climax hits. if he’s really far gone, his jaw goes completely slack (w his cute lil bunny teeth on display), eyes rolling up a lil to form the most sultry expression ever. it might seem like he's playing it up just to appeal to you but he really just looks like that...it's very unfair. i think minho likes eye contact a lot even if it might get him flustered when he’s in a super vulnerable state. he'd try his best to keep his eyes open so he can lock them with yours as he falls apart under you, it thrills him like nothing else bc he loves the intimacy and possessiveness of it. if you grip his hair when he cums and force him to look at you so he can't shy away, he’d be an absolute goner, it'd take him to heights he's never experienced before. when he feels himself going over the edge, he might slip into his habit of repeating words really fast like “good good good” or “close close close” and cute lil “ah ah ah”s. his breath might catch in his throat when his climax first hits him, his whole body freezes up for a moment w his mouth open in a silent cry, then he loses full control n the most heavenly moans and sighs follow ♡ also…it's safe say he shakes, his thighs especially. he’ll be trembling from the aftershocks for a good while after he comes down from his high

binnie - the cutest whines known to man!!! yknow how sweet and angelic his voice gets when he sings? think of him sounding exactly like that hehe. very high-pitched n needy, even when he’s already been given permission to cum, i can see him still whining and pleading through his orgasm bc he feels so blissed out, he doesn't know what else to do other than beg for it please not to stop...a polite boy through and through! he definitely scrunches his nose up in that cute habit of his, and his princess peach lips would be parted to form the most perfect lil o shape. they’d be so swollen from how much he bites down on them too, esp when it gets hard to control keep his volume down...he's also pretty loud. if he’s not restrained somehow, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from grabbing on to you without a second thought, just like channie. the only time he might get a lil ahead of himself and touch you without permission is when he cums, bc in that moment all he can think of is you and how badly he needs you. he might also beg you to kiss him so he can muffle his whimpers w your mouth, he just really wants to feel as close to you as possible in that moment, he's a lil sappy abt it <3 pushing deeper into you if he's topping, legs squeezing around you to pull you closer if he's bottoming, arms reaching out to cling to you, and muscles flexing like crazy w every ripple that passes through his body. i think when his orgasm first hits he might even let out an adorable lil yelp or shout, like it catches him by surprise

hyunjin - with how expressive he is, hyune would be making every noise you could possibly imagine when he cums. he’s definitely on par w chan and jisung as the loudest of all the boys! he’s a bit shy abt how strong his reactions are, but he's naturally just very vocal and when he’s that overwhelmed w all the adrenaline coursing through his veins and all the emotions he’s feeling at once, he wouldn't be able to hold back no matter how hard he tried ㅠ it shows all over his pretty face and spills out of his mouth, really intense just like channie. sharp cries, long, desperate groans, tiny grunts, all within just a few seconds. they'd fade out into soft whimpers when the height of his climax starts to pass…any sound you can possibly think of, he does it all for you like he's putting on a show~ he also emotes w his entire body, not just his voice or his face, it’s like you can physically see the pleasure rocking his senses. he definitely jerks around and spasms a bit, arching his back sinfully w his head lolling to the side to give you the prettiest view of his red, sweat-soaked face n lips glazed with saliva. he can't even remember to close his mouth even when he can feel the drool dribbling out, it feels like he loses autonomy over all his muscles. he's never more vulnerable than in that moment, he'd definitely need you there to ground him

jisung - the final third of the loudest boys hehe…i think jisung would be a lil more shameless than chan n hyunjin, so he wouldn’t even think abt restraining himself unless he really has to. it’s like he needs you to know how good it feels, both through his words and the sounds he makes for you, or he might actually die. he starts to babble a lot when he gets close it's very endearing. his rambles just get faster and higher in pitch until it all slurs together into one long, incoherent whine when he finally gets sent over the edge <3 like hyunjin, he's incredibly emotive w his face, his eyebrows especially scrunch together and curve up to form a look of pure desperation. he also cannot sit still to save his life. if all his crying out abt how good it feels and how much he loves you and how much he needs you aren't enough to let you know how much pleasure he's feeling, he squirms like crazy all throughout his orgasm too. he might need you to physically hold him down or even tie him up somehow bc of how much his hips twist and buck n how wildly his tummy clenches and how helplessly his legs thrash around. and ofc…this is hannie we’re talking abt, so his tongue would be hanging all the way out~ him, hyunjin, and lino definitely make the kinds of expressions that send shivers down ur spine

felix - when lix is close i think his voice would start to break from his lower, more sensual moans into cute, raspy ones…like binnie his noises get a lot higher in pitch, kinda like he's squeaking or hiccuping in a way he can't control. really sweet and innocent-sounding, it's especially hot when he alternates between his deep groans to the sudden spike in pitch when his orgasm hits. i think he’d whimper a lot, make lil rumbling vocalizations in the back of this throat that almost sound like he’s purring ♡ he's also the final third of the clingiest boys! if he’s not already holding on to you somehow (which…he probably is bc it’s lixie) his hands will shoot out in search of you, mindlessly grasping at any part of your body he can reach and not releasing his death grip even after his high has passed. he’d love it more than anything if you held his hands through it all, pinning them above his head and running your thumbs delicately over his skin to soothe him amidst the intensity of his orgasm. and if he’s in a position where he can, he’d definitely wrap his legs around you n use his muscular thighs to pull you so close that you can feel all the ripples passing through his body. i also can’t get the idea out of my head that might start giggling uncontrollably through it all bc all the endorphins flooding him at once make him insanely giddy. think of that squeaky, goofy laugh he does when he’s really excited, exactly like that

seungmin - so so cute but in the subtlest of ways. even when he’s experiencing the height of his pleasure, seungmo’s reactions still manage to be so demure and it makes it all the more endearing. he’s the best at suppressing himself out of the boys, and on top of that his expressions, both verbal and nonverbal, are just naturally very gentle. he sounds so soft and sweet letting out feather-light lil “ah ah ahs” and he’d definitely press his lips together with a sharp inhale when his orgasm first hits, holding his breath to keep quiet and only letting a weak lil “mmph” slip out. when the pleasure amplifies and it becomes too much for him to hold in, his breath spills out shaky and long, almost like a sigh of relief. he looks and sounds so angelic, the sight of him gazing up at you w wide, blown-out pupils is enough to make anyone melt. but as bold as he can be sometimes, i think he'd usually have to keep his eyes closed like channie, he gets too shy. plus he just likes to fully indulge in the feeling, focusing all his senses on it. his eyes would flutter shut so delicately, but you can see his face muscles twitching and his cheeks puffing out…he’d also tilt his jaw up to expose his throat to you, i think he’d go a lil crazy if you had your hand around his neck while he climaxes. it would definitely intensify his reactions, you might get him panting like a puppy~

jeongin - poor yeni is incredibly embarrassed abt the sounds he makes when he's close but it gets significantly harder for him to control himself when his orgasm hits, so they always spill out of him in the most obvious ways, no matter how hard he tries to hold them in. he's definitely the type to gasp out when he first cums, very breathy and sudden almost like he’s choking hehe. i think he might throw his hand over his mouth or bury his face into his palms as a last-ditch attempt to silence himself, even going as far as biting down on his skin to try and muffle all the broken moans that he forms against his will. his face gets super flushed as a result, his ears go red just like chan and lino, from both arousal and all the panicked effort of trying to keep quiet. even in moments like this, innie is still concerned abt how he looks to you ): if it hits particularly hard, i think he'd also be prone smiling/giggling through his climax like felix. breathless, ditzy laughs between all his groans bc his brain gets a lil confused conflating the pleasure he's feeling w regular happiness, it's very cute~ he can be a wildcard w his expressions…you might not be able to see them all the time bc he has a tendency to hide away. burying his face in the pillows, in his hands, or even pulling his shirt/hoodie over it like he does when he's flustered. when you do catch him, you can see everything he's feeling in every clench of his jaw and tremble of his lips, he tries to be careful but he's very shaky, he never really gets used to it

[restinslices]

Everything

PJO Show Ares x Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 2459

Summary: Ares supposedly hates kids, so it’s really strange that he comes when you call. (Do not let the summary fool you, this is not fluff. Based on a dream I had a couple days ago. Warning for possible ooc Ares and brief mentions of abuse. Blink and you’ll miss it type shit)

“I don't wanna say”, Grover fingers fidgeted with each other as he purposefully avoided eye contact with you. 

“We're friends, right?”

“Of course!”

“Then you have to tell me! You spoke to my father, I gotta know what he said! What was he like? I bet he was really cool! Man, I wish I could've been there and talked to him”, you looked down at your shoes and added more misery to your face than was necessary. It was extremely childish and petty but Grover kept refusing to tell you what your father Ares was like. You had to know though. You doubted he brought you up, but you still wanted to know what he said and what he was like when he was just out and about. Grover had the opportunity to have a long talk with him and that was something you'd kill and suffer for. 

“I doubt you'd wanna do that” he mumbled, but you heard him. 

“Why'd you say that?” You asked. 

Grover refused to expound on what he meant… at first. 

Everyone knew Grover couldn't hold water so it didn't take too much prodding before he spilled his guts. 

The memory replayed in your head more than you'd like to admit, and if it were up to you, you'd no longer be a half blood. 

It made you feel pathetic. Tons of gods- no. All the gods were shitty parents. After all, they had children with mortals and left the children on Earth, knowing they'd be hunted down. Plenty of half bloods died in a gruesome painful way and at a young age. Plenty of gods never claimed their children, even if they made it to Camp Half Blood. But Ares did claim you, so you assumed that that meant he cared for you in some way. He even gifted you with a double sided sword. Surely, he must've loved you. 

You were foolish and you hated how foolish you were. You should've known he didn't care. He left you here with mortals and watched as your home life got worse and worse which was due to multiple factors including a piss poor mother and step family, the aura children of Ares give off that makes people around them experience rage and of course the random monster attacks that your family blamed you for. It was as if they thought you begged Ares to be his child. As if you'd ever do something as stupid as that. 

The rain soaked through your hood, making your hair all wet and gross. You were an idiot. You tried coming home for the school year, thinking maybe your family changed. They said they did. They tended to lie a lot though. You got into a huge fight and stormed out and you were in such a hurry that you completely forgot to grab your pouch full of drachmas and you didn't wanna step another foot in that house. So now here you were, outside with freezing cold hands that couldn't be warmed because your hoodie was soaking and you couldn't call Chiron. Perfect.

You checked your pockets once again, hoping to find something other than the lighter and fruit roll up that was there but alas, nothing magically appeared. You held the two objects in your hand and an idea formed in your mind. 

You could always set the fruit roll up on fire as an offering. You could pray to your father and hope he hears you and sends you something to help. 

No. That's incredibly stupid. Could you even light a fruit roll up on fire? It didn't matter. Not only was that the stupidest offering ever but you refused to pray to him. You'd rather sleep out in the rain then sneak inside when your family was gone to get your shit. 

You put the two objects in your pocket and let your head rest on your knees, exhaustion hitting. It wasn't even physical exhaustion. It was all mental and emotional. Like a leech was sucking on you constantly. Or a vampire. You'd prefer that. At least you'd die quicker. 

The hum of a motorcycle filled your ears, getting closer and closer. Best case scenario, it was a neighbor. Worst case scenario, it was a murderer. Honestly, you'd welcome both. 

The hum stopped and a familiar voice made you look up, “rough night”. 

It was him. Ares. God of war. Father to who knew how many. It was someone you definitely did not want to see… or so you thought. Part of you absolutely despised him now and everything to do with him and wanted to rip him apart. The other part of you though still felt an immense amount of joy when you saw him and you wanted to cling to him like a child clings to its favorite toy. If you were alone, you would've screamed. 

Then a thought crossed your mind. You didn't burn anything. You didn't make an offering. 

“You were going to” he said, seeming to read your mind. 

“Why are you here?” you managed to get out after some time of just staring at him. 

“Why do you think I'm here?” he asked and you could tell by his tone he meant it sarcastically. Like “the reason is so obvious. Stop being stupid”. 

Something about that sarcastic and irritated tone made you think back to what Grover told you. 

“Why don't you like me?” You asked and you hadn't meant to. It was supposed to stay in your head. 

He squinted his eyes at you and looked you up and down, “what?”. 

You could've let it go. You could've said nevermind, thanked him and let him help. You couldn't though. You didn't know when you'd have this chance again (the camp visited them but damn, there was a lot of you) and if you did something to make him not like you, you wanted to fix it. But that wasn't your job, right? Parents are supposed to care for their kids. 

You did that a lot. Your mind juggled opposite thoughts and it drove you insane. This was just the latest bit of juggling you'd been doing. 

“Grover said he spoke to you-”

“Who is Grover?”

“Percy's friend. The satyr”. A look of anger flashed in his eyes. You knew he remembered Percy. You didn't give him time to start yelling about the 12 year old that beat him in a fight. “Grover said that he spoke to you. I asked what it was like and he said that you said that you hate kids. Even your own. And when we visit, it's the worst day of the year. So, I was just wondering why you don't like me. Is it something I've done?”. 

Ares just rolled his eyes and sighed, “you're taking that personal?”. 

“It's kinda hard not to”. 

“I came to take you back to camp, not talk about whatever crisis you're having right now”. 

You didn't know if you were angry because of what he said, or because of his effect on others. Either way, blood started rushing to your head. “I'm not asking for a lot. I'm asking for an answer. A simple answer. Why don't you like me?”

“I don't like any of my kids”

“And that makes it better?” You asked in disbelief. Ares just stared at you, emotion void on his face. 

“Why do you do this? You keep having kids even though you hate them. Why?”. 

“It's not that simple and I don't have to explain anything to you”. You wished he'd show emotion. Any sliver of it. He was too calm, too numb. You'd prefer him yelling at you but nothing seemed to phase him. He was talking to you the same way you'd talk to a toddler. 

“It is incredibly simple. Just stop having sex with mortals. You already have Aphrodite -who is a married woman but whatever-” you rushed the last part. You didn't particularly care for the affairs between the gods. “How could your eyes possibly wander?”. 

Seeing him show a sliver of anger when you mentioned Aphrodite only filled you with more rage. That’s what angered him? That’s what got emotion out of him? “Really? That's what gets you? What about me being drenched?”

“You chose to come out here” he said through gritted teeth. If you knew Aphrodite was the key to him showing any piece of human emotion, you would've brought her up earlier. 

“I didn't choose this!” Your voice rose, “I didn't choose to be abandoned by my father and be stuck with a dysfunctional family for the rest of my life. You should be angry at that, not me mentioning Aphrodite. You should be enraged at the thought of anyone putting their hands on me and your hands should be covered in their blood! That is how it should be”. 

“Believe it or not the gods aren't too keen on the idea of killing mortals”

“But turning them into various objects and ruining their lives when it's a boring Tuesday is ok?”. His face went back to being blank and emotionless and your plan to stop talking was scrapped. You weren't even sure what you wanted. You wanted him to show something besides anger. Sadness? Regret maybe? Just something to show that maybe, just maybe, he cared deep down and regretted leaving you. 

“None of us asked for this. You all just decide to create and leave us. And you hating the people you created is… I don't know. And it's so stupid that I've spent years of my life trying to get you to be proud of me, only for it to be impossible!”. 

“I claimed you didn't I?” he defended himself, but you scoffed. 

“That's the bare minimum dad! That's like saying your kids should be grateful because you feed them!” You were full on screaming by now and you wouldn't have been surprised if a neighbor came out to see what the fuss was about. “I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with you. You probably hate being called 'dad’ and you don't care. You're never gonna get it”

“I try everyday to make you see me and you do everything in your power to not see me. To not see any of us. I would work myself to death for you. I would betray anyone close to me for you. If you asked me to burn down the world for you, I would. If you asked me to extinguish the sun, I'd find a way to because to me… to me you were everything. You are everything”. 

You couldn't tell if your face was wet from the rain, or from tears of sorrow and anger. It could've been both. Your eyes certainly stung and you hated it. You knew you had every right to be frustrated, but you hated how weak it made you feel. The children of Ares weren't supposed to cry. They were supposed to be headstrong and fight their enemies. They were supposed to be fierce warriors capable of bringing armies down to their knees. They were meant to shed blood, not tears. 

You thought for a second you saw an emotion cross his face. You couldn't pinpoint it though. It happened too fast and there was a good chance you were imagining things. 

“You can go. I'd rather sleep in the rain. I wouldn't wanna be even more of a burden” you spat with such venom you didn't know it was possible. Sure, you could have a bit of a temper but this felt different. It wasn't just anger or annoyance. There was a mix of grieving. 

It went silent for awhile, and the adrenaline you felt slowly went down. Reality started to sink in. You just yelled at a god. People who were known to cause destruction for something as small as “I think my shoes are better than yours”. 

“Are you gonna curse me? Or, I don't know, strangle me with my own shoe laces?”. Ares reached into his pocket and you looked away and closed your eyes. You expected to feel a burning sensation. That's what you assumed being cursed was like. A burning sensation and then you'd lose a limb or something. 

All you felt was something land on your lap. You looked down and saw a red pouch with gold string keeping it closed. You looked up at him, but he didn't say anything. You untied the string and opened the pouch and inside laid a pile of drachmas. 

Now he spoke, “call Chiron or whoever else works at that camp. Don't die out here”. 

“You're leaving?” You asked. You didn't know why you were disappointed. You should've been happy. After all, you just went off on him about how shit he was. 

“I have a busy schedule”. You wanted to ask if he'd be seeing the married woman he slept with or another unfortunate mortal, but you figured you pushed your luck enough today. 

“Thanks uhh…” you debated on calling him dad but instead you called him by his name. “Ares”. Then you remembered some gods could be particularly upset when you used their name. “God of war and all those other honorifics”. 

“Yeah” was all he said before he sped off, leaving you alone once again. You didn't know what he was saying “yeah” to but you didn't have enough time to ask and he probably wouldn't even answer. 

You called Chiron and asked to be brought back to camp but you didn't tell him about the conversation you had with Ares. 

You couldn't get the conversation out of your head, even after you showered and laid down to finally get some rest. 

Of course you kept thinking about the conversation and how lucky you were Ares didn't throw you into the street and run you over. 

Another thing stayed on your mind though. 

You didn't give an offering. You were told the gods would listen if you burned something that mattered, like the thickest piece of meat on your plate. You weren't sure they were actually listening and honestly you thought it was a real asshole condition. 

All you had was some stupid candy and you didn't even burn that and the minute you thought about it, he appeared like he was already watching. 

But you doubted he was watching. You doubted he listened to your prayers at all. 

You were one of his children which was something he hated. He'd claim you, possibly send a gift then be done with you. He didn't listen to you anymore. He didn't watch over you anymore. 

It was a coincidence. That's all it was. 

You were sure of it. 

At least, you tried to be. 

This is definitely ooc Ares but YA’LL KNOW I’M A LITTLE FUCKING SLOW! BE PATIENT WITH ME GOTDAMMIT😭 If you saw any errors, no you did not. I already proofread it once and I don’t feel like doing it again like I typically do. It’s 1am. I should be asleep.

[two-white-butterflies]

wanting was enough | a. targaryen

Description: Aegon Targaryen falls for his father's caretaker. Loosely based on Knives Out. Rating: 16+

Aegon couldn't understand why his father loved everyone except his own children. He couldn't understand why Viserys' eyes would soften around his adopted children (namely Rhaenyra), but never around his trueborn ones. It was frustrating, but he knew that trying to fight against it was impossible. It was a losing game.

"How's dad?" Helaena inquires, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

Everyone could hear Viserys' complaints of pain last night. Old age was a bitch. Aegon could only pray that his father dies soon - at least they'd be left with money - but alas, bad grass die slow.

"Don't know. Wasn't allowed inside." he answered, taking the mug out of the counter - stealing his sister's coffee before she could take a sip. "I'll ask (your name) then," Helaena replies - rolling her eyes as he takes a sip of her sweetened cup of joe.

His eyebrows bumped into each other.

"Who?" he inquires - unfamiliar with the name. "Dad's nurse, apparently he's paying for her uni. She wants to be a doctor." Aemond barges into the room, pushing his siblings away as he boils water for their mother's tea.

Aegon snorts.

"I wasn't aware that our father ran a fucking foundation." he complains. Why was Viserys paying for another person's education when he didn't want to pay for his?

"I don't give a fuck about it - but the nurse is kinda hot." Aemond ponders - a pout was on his lips, contemplating on whether or not he'd 'tap' that. "I'll see where it goes." he smirks, already imagining your lips around him.

"Disgusting," Helaena shakes her head - pouring herself another cup of coffee, making sure to add a lot of creamer in order to avoid the bitter taste. "Hel, everyone knows that you swing both ways - I'm pretty sure she's hot in a female gaze too." Aemond nods his head - like they were talking about a celebrity and not a fucking girl that was sharing the same room as them.

"I'll be the judge of that," her eyes narrowed, and the kettle began to boil. Aemond lets out a sarcastic chuckle, holding the pot in his left hand and stealing his sister's coffee with the other. "Thanks, Hel." he grinned, walking out of the kitchen before Helaena could hit his head.

Aegon clenches his jaw at the sight of you. Beautiful - that he almost forgot what his name was.

"Viserys is alright. He had a bit of a back pain last night." you smiled at his mother - eyes dazzling and joyous.

What did it feel like to be happy all the time?

Your eyes trail towards him - scanning his shirtless body with hidden intention. He didn't have abs or anything - his stomach was round and perfect. Enough to leave a lot to imagination. Aegon's eyes widen, realizing that he was just wearing his towel.

Alicent turns to look behind her.

"Umm mom, where did you put my clothes?" he scratched the back of his head. This wasn't a pleasant first meeting.

"They're in the laundry room, (your name). Can you get them?" Alicent tilted her head. You reply with a nod - immediately walking and retrieving his clothes.

He paces back and forth in his room, feeling the water drip down his body. He felt embarrassed that you saw him that way - but also slightly happy because he could see that he was your type.

A knock on the door breaks him from his thoughts.

He opens the door quickly, peaking his head through and meeting your eyes. "Here are your clothes! I ironed them, I'm sorry it took so long." you smile at him and his hand reaches to touch his shirt.

It was warm, that means that you weren't lying.

"That's okay," he kept staring at your eyes - finding himself drawn in by their beautiful hues. "Is there anything else you need help with?" you raise both of your eyebrows and he shakes his head.

"T-thank you," he stuttered - not used to saying that word.

It was the evening of Helaena's birthday. The young guests were drunk - and the old guests were either sleeping upstairs or home. Aegon couldn't find himself drinking alcohol - it was too familiar to his father - too familiar to feel safe.

His eyes drift towards the dance floor - where you were joyfully dancing with one of his ex-classmates.

He knows who that man is - Cregan Stark. A younger boy who was accelerated into his section. He hates him. Cregan was cocky, arrogant, and too sure of himself - basically a copy of Aegon.

His jaw clenches - seeing you grind against him like a whore in heat. He wanted that for him - he wanted you to do that to him.

"Close your mouth. You're inviting flies," Alys sits beside him - a small glass of champagne was on her hand. His eyes glance towards her - he was unaware that she was invited. After her messy breakup with Aemond - she was basically excommunicated from the entire family.

"New girl huh? Aemond told me that she's a nurse," Alys ran her finger around the rim of the glass.

Ah, they got back together.

"What about it?" he answered bitterly - keeping that wall high and unreachable. "According to my experience, nurses are good fucks. They're a little bratty though - since they were mean girls in high school." she teased, searching for emotions in his stoic face.

"She's from a foreign country. She doesn't look like the type to be mean." he replied and a small chuckle exits the woman's mouth. "Good, you know something about her." she slumped on the chair - looking at you while you stop dancing.

"You're welcome," she whispers in his ear - standing up as you began marching towards him. His eyebrows merged into each other for a moment, totally clueless of what Alys did for him.

"Who was that?" you ask cautiously - hands on your hips and staring at him with an accusatory glare. "Alys, and why do you care?" he tried his best to be hard to get. "I don't care, I was just asking." you reasoned - looking away from him.

There was a weird feeling inside your chest - like you wanted to stab someone and hide their body in the mountains.

"People typically don't ask unless they care," he pointed out, smiling to himself as you walk away.

Thank you, Alys.

You ignored him the following day. Cleaning around his room while ignoring his words of complaint. "Get that thirty bro," he yelled into the mic - prepared to render his cousin deaf with the screaming.

"Baela, I swear to fucking god - if that was a snake it would've bit you already." he cursed again - killing the enemy with ease. "Don't scream at me. I saw it but you KS'ed me." the girl replied in an angry tone.

"I didn't KS you. You were lagging - tell Uncle Daemon to buy better internet." he trashtalked. Staring at you while he belittled his cousin.

Was that a turn off?

Was he being icky?

"Bitch please, tell your ugly ass dad to stop subscribing to satellite network." Baela rolled her eyes, stealing her uncle's kill.

"You're the one stealing my kills, fucking hypocrite buy yourself a new personality." he groaned and his cousin turns her camera on - flashing him two middle fingers.

He rolls his eyes, seeing that Baela disconnected again.

"I swear to god," he mumbled - turning his gaming chair around, and his eyes meet with yours. You were holding a basket filled with his clothes. "Can I help you?" he frowns, still frustrated with the game.

A small laugh exits your mouth.

"Is something funny?" he takes the headphones off. "It's amusing to see you frustrated over Fortnight." you snort - still fighting off a round of laughter. "You wouldn't understand," he rolls his eyes.

"Oh simpletons will never understand fortnight. It is deeply profound and must be studied by scientists." you exaggerated.

He couldn't fight the smile on his lips.

@pearlstiare @sweethoneyblossom1@tinykryptonitewerewolf @cheri-ladyy @watercolorskyy @bellastwd @nyctophilicvitnir @fan-goddess

[thesandsofelsweyr]

I'm a firm believer that one of the worst ways to hurt a man is with what he loves. So here are some of the contents of my brain.

Imagine Jason with a little highschool sweetheart, a girlfriend he'd fight for, die for, even.

But then shit gets fucked and he's with the Joker.

And the Joker is one smart bitch, he realizes there's a very easy way to keep him in line, and to make him suffer.

And it's her.

It'd probably be a mix of things that he's done to Jay so he knows exactly how much pain she's in, or stuff reserved just for her that he can't even imagine what she's experiencing.

Joker probably keeps her away for long periods of time just so Jay is being eaten alive by fear of what's happening to her, or if she's just straight up dead.

To make matters worse, under the threat of something far worse for both parties, he makes Jason hurt her too.

So Jason just cries and apologizes and begs for her forgiveness as he drags the scalpel across her skin.

Another heart.

Like the necklace he gave her for Valentine's Day. Like the little doodles he drew onto the notes they'd pass each other in English class.

Because if he's going to carve something into her beautiful, perfect skin it's going to be the shape that encompasses his love.

Thank you for sharing this with me, and for breaking my heart 😘

[heartfullofleeches]

By the teeth

Creep Yan + G.N Friendly Creep Reader Blurb

Warning: light gore

You're so nice.....

A fraction of your kindness was more than they had ever received. It was real too - not like teachers or peers who were always told to look out for the weakest link. The sincerity and care in your words reached your eyes; yet another thing they'd never witnessed before. As if you couldn't get anymore perfect, you even shared some of the same interests. When they gushed about their favorite films you came to them the next day carrying a signed poster. The envy they felt when you informed them the actor who's signature you possessed died not even a day later. You gave it to them as confirmation of your new friendship and that's when they knew they were in love. You don't even free out when they show you the dead things their cats bring. It must be meant to be.

You're so kind - to everyone you met. It's the bridge that separates you. Whereas they walk home alone, you have a group to guide your way. You invite them everytime, but they know they aren't welcomed by all. So charismatic and cute and sweet. It's no wonder you have so many admirers. It's only in your nature as innocent soul to attract demons so they don't blame you when you're asked out on dates. They don't blame you when someone walks up to you with bashful eyes and a blushing smile - asking to meet somewhere you can truly be alone. They don't blame you...not at all.

Which is why they'll hate themselves even more for what they were going to do.

Gloved fingers grip at their clothed mouth. They'd make it look like a robbery gone wrong. Just one stab. Just one - and it'd all be over. If anyone was to blame, it was them. Any bastard who would drag their angel into a dingy, dirty alleyway deserved to die. They prayed their rage wouldn't get the best of them. If they got carried away and your eyes met, they'd die right on the spot.

Their thoughts are interrupted by something...strange. A wet, slurping noise floods the alley - pained gurgles and groans creeping between each intake. They couldn't see well with their shades. The two of you were just- standing there; locked in each other's arm. Your hands claw red streaks into your partner's back and that's when they realize how truly off this felt. They - they were hurting you. The creep's actions would be justified in this scenario. Maybe God was finally giving them a chance.

Clutching the handle of their knife, they proceed forward - scene unraveling with each step.

One - your arms tighten around their waist.

Two - your head rolls back.

Three - the tender flesh of their neck pulls with it. You'd already torn a hole through their jugular and the gush of carmine overflowed your gorgeous lips as you went in for another. Gulping the thick substance down your stuffed throat, you pull the limp figure to your chest as your lips crawl to their ear. You shake them gently, pouting as they fall slack in your arms.

"Heyyyyy, you were all over me a second ago... What happened?"

The childlike glee in your voice gave them chills. That bubbly ting that made - still makes their heart leap. You go in for one more bite, dropping them like a sack of potatoes as you chew. The body collapses into the earth as their knees give out. They fall a second later than it, catching your guard. You wave

"Mhm-mhm!"

You step over the body and towards them. They pedal backwards, but you're far faster being on both of your feet and bounce before they can even try to get up. Their eyes search your face for anything. Are you going to attack them too? Why was their heart racing so fast from the thought? Why were they jealous they weren't the first? They shut their eyes, bracing for the worse.

"mmmmmm"

Light assaults their senses as they force themselves to face what you have done. Rather the sting of a bite, they feel something softer - centered on their lips. It was another pair. You were kissing them. The shock loosened their tight jaws, allowing you to siphon the fatty blood clung to the roof of your mouth into theirs. They weakly beat your chest, forced into swallowing by the lack of oxygen and your hands around their throat. Their thighs clinch as you squeeze. Thick clots bind you as you pull away. You smile that beautiful - teeth dyed red. They lick your canines.

"-wahh! Whew! That was more than - and way grosser than I expected. Must've been a smoker. Anywho, as I was saying - hello! I've been wondering where you've been. You haven't followed me home this past you nights. I missed you, ya."

You pinch and smack at their cheeks as they stare off - stunned.

"Hmph, you can make up for it by getting rid of that for me. Call me when you're done and we can watch something together, kay. I'm sure you have my number, but lemme make sure it's the right one."

They had you their phone. You punch in your contact information, happily humming away and bouncing to a song that came to mind. You kiss their cheek as you jump off them.

"Pick up something to eat when you come too or I'll eat you next. I'm starving. See you soon!"

As you walk off they look down at their phone. There's a heart and a hallo at the end of the title you gave yourself. Your angel. They clutch the device to their chest.

Love really did exist....even for someone like them.

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Watching a series about how cult leaders are made and again I'm in awe of how Tomura had everything laid down for him to become one.

He kinda was during the Paranormal Liberation Front bit, but he really didn't care about them 😭

It's impressive how many times he chose to be honest with the members of the League. He was not trying to manipulate them, he was not trying to mastermind anything ill intended with them??? He never tried to use AFO's name to give himself more importance, which is wild. You're the heir of the king of the underworld, but you use it as an excuse for others to bow down to him. Sure, you call yourself the king, but that's because you will do it by "your own merits"???

There's even a moment in MVA when Compress is soooooo worried over Tomura's wellbeing that he uses Tomura's identities as leverage to force Doc Garaki to help them!!! Crazy crazy, Mr. Compress goes "HE CAN'T DIE HE'S AFO'S SPECIAL BOY RIGHT? YOU MUST HELP HIM". It's so clear that Mr. Compress didn't care about the AFO bit, but he knew Garaki cared and Compress would do anything to keep Tomura protected.

I'm just saying!!

He could have taken advantage of them, but the most Tomura did was break them free and told them to cause havoc. He never encouraged them to not be friends, to distrust each other or to only pay attention to him. He never encouraged them to compete to be closer to him. There weren't any ranks beside him as the boss and even then he'd go beside them to war, he'd fight next to them, he would listen to their complaints and change what he could to accommodate their demands.

Right from the start, Tomura never saw them as his slaves (like AFO) or soldiers (like Redestro). He did call them pawns in a game once at the start. The difference with Overhaul is that Tomura saw himself also as a pawn and he saw the League as important characters. That's his team. He won't plan for them to die or sacrifice themselves. He plans for them to succeed! He plans on making their dreams come true, not just his. He won't put his own goals over theirs, he won't destroy what they like, he won't cut down their freedom.

Tomura explicitly opposed the cult-like systems of bnha. He called Redestro a coward for letting his people fight for him while he watched from afar. Tomura challenged Overhaul over the importance of their "subordinates", making clear that he didn't consider the League of Villains disposable or even replaceable. While AFO took over his body he would only talk about himself over and over, but whenever Tomura broke through and as soon as he was back in control, he talked about his friends and the League. Even through the possession and the fighting and the pain, they were in his mind.

He was thinking of them.

Tomura was a brat. He would throw tantrums and call himself the king and give orders and arrange plans without them. The difference is that Tomura never tried to step over the League of Villains. He didn't care if Spinner had a weak quirk, he was a valuable member as the rest. He didn't punish Twice for bringing Overhaul to them, instead gave him a chance to make it up because he knew that Twice was feeling bad about it. Tomura allowed Dabi to come and go as he pleased, trusting him even if Dabi never had a good recruited lol. He'd call Toga a brat, but he'd defend her too and he'd answer to her whenever she questioned him. He spared an entire cult system for Compress and his sushi. He terrorized Overhaul to avenge Magne.

Tomura never snapped at any of them beyond their introductions. Even when they'd sometimes threaten him physically. Even then.

He had everything to be a crazy cult leader who promised the ending of times, a free world and whatever. He talked a lot of bullshit, said a lot of true things, but he was human about it, sincere.

He never lied to the heroes either, did he? Never said something he didn't believe in. Never hide his hatred or resentment. Tomura never pretended to be someone he was not, unlike AFO.

I think about all of this when people ask if Tomura can be saved. I think about how his circumstances were the worst imaginable, about the weight of the grooming, abuse and the brainwashing he had to survive. I think of 21 consecutive years of hell on Earth, but somehow he isn't as cruel as others. He can be, he showed us as much. He has done terrible things just because he wanted, not 'cause he was told to or manipulated into doing it. If he wanted, he could be as cruel as AFO.

And yet.

And yet.

[sunflowernyx]

I keep having thoughts about Scully's immortality, because it's always sort of brought up as an afterthought. It's just an observation from Bruckman here, or Mulder mentioning the doctors were astonished at her recovery rate, or Scully herself joking about it in s10, but... 2's a coincidence and 3's a pattern, and Carter is well.. Carter so....

What if Scully's immortality plays in with Mulder's reincarnation?

Mulder is cursed to reincarnate until he gets it right, and Scully is now able to be there until he does.

But more than that...

Mulder suggests that "death finds you when you look for its opposite".

And I don't think that is about life. Because the character that was cursed with immortality was cursed because he turned his face away from the sufferings of others, from a person who cared for him when he was in pain. He rejected her pain and her death, callously, heartlessly, and so death cursed him.

And the moment he wanted to save someone, Scully; the moment he cared enough to not wish death upon them, and looked straight at her as she was shot, wished for her to have his gift, not so he could die, but so she would survive, death transferred the curse to Scully.

Even in mythology (and I think we can assume that Carter knows his mythology by now), the opposite of death isn't life. It's love.

The opposite to Thanatos is Eros

So if Mulder has to get it right to lose his reincarnation curse, and Scully has to look for [love] to die, then their solution would be each other. What they would've been searching for always would've been each other. The truth would be their love for each other.

So maybe together they'd be able to clasp hands and cross that final boundary of reason, and I think that is beautiful in a way that is also deeply tragic.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

A small brain worm I threw at @henderdads and now I can't get it out of my head...also guys, this is about the musical. Only the musical. Please. Don't come at me and attempt to burn me at stake for heresy. Double please.

Musical singers Steve and Eddie.

They are both very talented, well known, have an amazing stage presence. They never starred anywhere together, but people would love to see them because their voices are exact opposites, Steve's clear and perfected, Eddie's more raw and full of emotion. They don't know each other, but know OF each other.

Steve thinks Eddie should have been a rocker and not a musical singer. He always sticks out of his roles a bit, bringing a lot of himself into his roles. He's also rumored to have an inconsistent work morale.

Eddie thinks Steve is a pompous ass. He had the perfect education, connections, his voice is flawless while Eddie has a bit of a rasp. He's Mr. Perfect and Eddie hates it.

Eventually, they get cast in a production together...of Jesus Christ Superstar, Steve as Jesus and Eddie as Judas. They greet each other cautiously, start rehearsing...and magic happens.

Because Steve, the Grease posterboy, can portray so much pain and loneliness it takes Eddie's breath away. The way two single tears roll from his eyes when he asks God why he should die is...it stirrs something in Eddie. He believes Steve.

Eddie makes Steve speechless when he sings about how everything they've worked for has become sour, how he's torn between his loyalty to Jesus and drive to take action, do something to feel like he's fixing the injustices of the world. Eddie's dark eyes show so much hurt and internal turmoil that Steve wants to hold him.

And the final number, Superstar. It is a show number, it can be taken more lightly, but Eddie manages to convey his regret, his lingering questions, and Steve reaches for him with bloodied fingers, mouthing "help me", knowing all too well Eddie can't.

The crowd goes nuts. There are flowers everywhere, cheering, yelling, and Steve and Eddie finally agree on something - none of their premieres have felt like this.

The second the curtain drops, Eddie turns to Steve. "Uh. Could you maybe get changed?" When Steve stares at him, Eddie turns a beautiful shade of pink visible even through the stage makeup and clarifies. "Look, it's not like I'm really religious, but I really, really want to kiss you now. And it would feel really weird with...that."

Steve snickers and adjusts his prop thorn crown. "You're a wise man, Eddie Munson. The fake blood tastes awful. Meet you outside in fifteen?"

After the first kiss, a fun dinner and a very exciting night, Eddie asks Steve: "so, you think they'd cast me in Grease with you?"

His boyfriend snickers and kisses his cheek. "I sure hope so, you'd look great in a blonde wig."

And yes, it might earn Steve a hit with a pillow, but Eddie always sings along to Summer Lovin' with him whenever they cook together and that's all that matters.

[smartycvnt]

Uprising

Title: Uprising Pairing: Amanda Young x Reader Summary: Amanda is forced to choose between Y/n and Jigsaw. NR WC: 1074

"Relax, you've made it past the worst part of my tests." Amanda leaned against the wall as she tried to catch her breath. She had always known that it wouldn't be easy becoming Jigsaw's apprentice, but she hadn't envisioned her second chance coming with so many hoops to jump through. "For the final test, all you have to do is go through that door and eliminate the last part of your past."

Amanda breathed out a sigh of relief. There wasn't any part of her past that Amanda thought was worth keeping around. Everybody in her life before Jigsaw had led her down the path of pain and suffering that she had lived. Amanda wondered who Jigsaw had found. A part of her hoped it was the deadbeat that had gotten her mother pregnant. She could have beaten him to death with her own hands for bringing her into this world. A world full of things that promised her relief, but only ever caused her even more suffering. The world had been cruel to her, and now Amanda was on the brink of giving it a taste of its own medicine.

A door opened in front of Amanda, who walked through with all of the intent to get things over with. The room was dark enough to be disorienting whenever Amanda first walked into it. She didn't get a chance to adjust to it before the lights switched on. The body sitting tied to a chair with a bag over its head was far too small to be the man she knew to be her father. Even in his old age, this body was half of its size and very feminine looking. If it wasn't for Amanda's mother having died decades ago, Amanda would have felt a little conflict about this confrontation. Amanda took a step towards the body, but froze whenever she heard their voice.

"Please, don't hurt me. I don't know what I've done to you, but I am sorry!" Y/n pleaded. Amanda recognized her voice immediately. Y/n was never someone who Amanda had categorized as a part of her past, but rather the goal she worked towards in the future. They had fallen out of touch after Amanda's third relapse, and then Amanda's "death" at the hands of her mentor had ended their chances of being together. Y/n was the one part of Amanda's past that Jigsaw thought she was still clinging to. He had gravely misunderstood their relationship with each other, and Amanda knew that he wouldn't listen to her.

"Remove the hood," Jigsaw's voice said over the speaker. Amanda's hands shook as she reached out for the hood. Her fingers curled into the fabric as she grabbed it and pulled it back to reveal Y/n's face. Both women looked different, significantly healthier than they had been when they last saw each other. Y/n looked terrified, but it was obvious to Amanda that Jigsaw hadn't hurt her yet. Y/n was so freaked out about being kidnapped that she didn't really pay much mind to the supposed dead woman standing right in front of her. "You know what you have to do Amanda."

"Please, you don't have to hurt me. Amanda, baby, you don't have to do a single thing this sick bastard tells you to," Y/n tried to argue. Amanda grabbed at her hair as she paced around the room. She was weighing her options. Jigsaw had told her at the beginning of all this that she could either complete his trials and rejoin him as an apprentice or die trying. Blatant disobedience of his instructions would result in her death, but Amanda was willing to do that if it meant that Y/n could possibly walk out of there alive.

"I don't want to hurt you any more than I have before." Amanda walked back over to Y/n and crouched down in front of where she was tied up. Y/n smiled as she took in the sight of Amanda. It was the first time that Y/n was certain that Amanda wasn't on something outside of a rehab center. Even whenever they'd been trying to get clean together, Amanda had always kept a little something stashed away for herself. That was why Y/n had left, just days before Amanda had gone missing. "He's going to kill both of us because I can't kill you."

"Let's face it babe, we've overstayed our welcome," Y/n said. Amanda could tell that Y/n was trying to be lighthearted. Y/n had always been good about distracting from the problem at hand, which was generally how problems tended to get so big between the two of them. Amanda shook her head as she stood up. She pressed a kiss to Y/n's forehead before turning to where she assumed Jigsaw's camera was. He would want a good view, so Amanda just turned her back to Y/n and stared off straight ahead.

"I won't kill her. Y/n isn't my past, she never has been. You should have stayed in my past though, because I can't have a future with you still in it," Amanda said. "You want me to kill my past, then get your old ass down here motherfucker!"

"Are you sure about this?" Y/n whispered from behind Amanda. Amanda didn't let Y/n's fear distract her, instead she used it to make herself feel better. Amanda had always sort of had a death-wish, but in that moment, she had never wanted to live more. She was going to make that old man regret ever picking her up off the streets. He had overstepped in his little game to punish Amanda for what she had done years before. He had given her a taste of what a normal life could be, allowed her to prove to herself that she could be the woman Y/n deserved, and then ordered her to kill the only person she had ever wanted to stay clean for.

"This ends right here, right now!" Amanda shouted. Y/n shut her eyes and ducked her head down. She couldn't watch Amanda potentially get herself killed anymore than she thought that she could watch Amanda kill someone. Beyond the door, both women could hear footsteps as Jigsaw made his way towards the two of them. "Close your eyes baby. No matter what happens, it's gonna be ugly."

[jgracie]

reasons why i wouldn't survive camp jupiter

octavian. everything ab him would freak me out or annoy me or both. he'd steal my owl plushie collection and i'd bawl my eyes out all the way home regardless of how many monsters may smell me

the tattoo thing. i have extreme commitment issues and what if it turns out ugly on me ?!?! also i have a low pain tolerance and i think octavian does them so another con

hannibal the elephant. id be on the tour of camp and see it and IMMEDIATELY run cz fym u have a war elephant

having to watch jeyna tiptoe around each other. very self explanatory.... if i were a camp jupiterian and jason came back w piper id end my life for reyna ✊🏼

the ghosts (i forgot what they were called). honestly i cant explain this one i just think they'd rly freak me out LMAO

terminus. he'd just make me incredibly anxious like yes i have no weapons on me but what if as soon as i cross the border a weapon magically appears in my bag ?!?! will he obliterate me ??? also what if theres an attack and im inside the borders weaponless like....

the whole process of getting into a cohort. wdym i need a letter of recommendation ?????? what if i had no idea this whole other world existed till now???? literally biased towards camp jupiter nepo babies. also the having to stand there and watch as people considered VOLUNTEERING to let me into their cohort... would rather die like imagine no one wants u 😣 j let me stay in my godly parent assigned cabin

[feelingdozy]

The Nightmares Return

Finnick Odair x Reader

Hunger Games Masterlist

Summary: long after the games and the quarter quell, you're still having nightmares about them and Finnick is the only one able to keep them away.

Warnings: talk of death, talk of killing,talk of blood, nightmares, swearing, crying, yelling, screaming, insecure thoughts/self blame, knife mentions

It's always the same. the nightmares always find ways to return. Your dreams feel like reality, replaying the same horrible events you dread and hate with all of your body.

"y/n!" "Y/n!" "Hurry up!"

Running. Faster than you thought your legs could ever go. Your lungs were exhausted and your tongue deprived of water. You looked back up at your district partner. You felt bad. The knife that struck their stomach didn't help, as the fresh blood splattered on your face covering most of it because they were in such close distance to you.

You ran again. And again. And again and again. you felt bad. You didn't even get their name and they'd already paid death a visit, now a permanent stay. They were so young. So beautiful. So deserving of life unlike you.

You were a loner, even from district 4 a career district, you had no such skills to survive. So you got your way there by sacrifices. human sacrifices. But not on purpose. The first was your unlucky district partner with a knife to the torso with the splatter staining your face.

The next was a random career tribute from 1 or 2- at this point you didn't remember because the only thing you did remember was their excruciating death and the pain they'd gone through by accidentally saving you. How did it come to that? Another career. It's always your 'alliances' til they declare you're not good enough and worthy of their team efforts.

The next wasn't a sacrifice for you, but the deaths to win the horrible games. They thought no one else was alive except for them, battling it out in the arena until they both got each other in the chest with an axe and the other a knife. Injured and bruised, you watched the blood splatter on the ground.

That forever stained your eyes, your brain, your memory. You could never, ever forget what went down those days. You'd never killed anyone, but they showed up asking for your mercy.

"don't kill me y/n. Don't make me die again. It's all your fault."

"I thought you'd help me, y/n? Didn't we have an alliance? You should've saved me from those careers."

But instead you'd sit back and watch. You were the disappointment of your district. How could you just sit back and watch everyone else do the work as a career? The winning tour or whatever it was named, didn't help the fresh nightmares either.

The parents stared into your eyes. You couldn't take it. You couldn't take the looks they gave you. The pain on their faces. Especially the two you were allies with. Their faces were nothing but anger and pain towards you, their eyes dark and wishing death upon you. But what could you do?

You knew it would've been better if you'd died out there and had the other tribute from district 4 win, or anyone else that just wasn't you.

It wasn't worth it.

You only found your meaning in life after the victory tours, in a man close to your age at the time. You had been 16 in those games, and him one year ahead of you making him 17. He was more knowledgeable than you, deserving of his young win and you looked up to his charming and amazing qualities.

By the time you both were somewhat in your 20's and had been mentoring kids for a few years, you knew you couldn't live without each other.

Then the quarter quell came. The greatest thing to tear you apart. Ruin what had been built. Tear years of friendship and love down in a matter of seconds.

Only 1 come out alive in a pool full of victors? It had been the death you had been looking for, desiring, hoping for, if only it had come earlier.

One night prior to the quarter quell, you couldn't sleep. Nothing could put you to sleep as the bad memories flashed through your mind with no remorse. You had cradled into a ball so tight your body ached, the air flow was tight, and your tears pooled up beneath you. At that point your cries grew louder and louder, you thought you had been secretive but most of the peacekeepers could hear your despair through the doors

Your cries muffled your hearing and your mind, so when someone put their arms around you, you jumped and accidentally smacked whoever it was in the face out of survival instinct.

"oh shit"

You said between sniffles, your crying now paused to apologize to however came to comfort you.

"I'm so fucking sorry oh my go-"

They held you closer, and at that point without a word said to each other you knew who it was.

"are you ok Finnick? That was a hard fucking hit"

You laughed, staying cautious because you didn't know if he was actually ok. You heard his contagious laugh after yours, it calmed you down a bit, making you forget about the wet tears down your cheeks.

"I think I should be asking you if you're ok. A little hit gets me a little.. more into the game?"

You both laughed at that, knowing he'd tease you for it later.

"but really y/n, do you need me to stay here? I don't need you missing out on your sleep the day before the games. You at least need to be energized."

He always tried to take your attention away from the bad things when you were upset, getting you to pay more attention to the positives.

"you're not gonna be able to help me when we're in the games y'know-"

"I can help you wherever you need me to y/n, you know that. I've been here for you since I met you and I'm not leaving now."

He said as he planted a kiss on your lips, leaving you suddenly longing for more.

Your eyes widened and guilt dawned on you. He was always so good to you, why couldn't you be the positive one comforting him? He had to get tired of this by now, you guys were in your fucking 20's! How could he not? Years and years and he hasn't once doubted your relationship? Bullshit.

"I don't know why you stay"

You mumbled under your breath before a big sigh. You were moving underneath the blankets as his hand grabbed your arm and held you still for a second, bringing you closer after you looked into his eyes.

"I stay because I love you y/n. No matter how many times you doubt yourself, or hate yourself, or whatever you choose to do. I stay because I love who you are."

You were tearing up again, your tear stained cheeks becoming obvious on your skin as you felt more drop in their place.

"you can't look me straight in the eyes and say that to me before we go into an arena where we're destined to die Finnick. You know I'm not making it out of there alive, you have better chances with someone else!-"

He was quickly towering over your form, hands to the sides of your head. Raising your chin with his soft hand that caressed your cheek ever so softly, you'd think you were already in heaven.

"there's nobody I want to spend my last moments with but you y/n."

He went in for another kiss, you deepening it this time as whenever he touched you, the whole world would disappear and all that was left would be you and him.

It had been years since that, and you both had stayed the same. Finnick ever so persistent with his love for you, and you had become more bold in your words as well. But there's something that had never changed, no matter how long it had been.

The nightmares.

They came in all different forms, sometimes they'd chase you til you awake in a cold sweat or just stand over you and threaten your life until you woke up screaming. His arms always wrapped around you knowing how it felt because sometimes you'd be the one to comfort him and his nightmares, as he had the same problems as you.

You both didn't know what you'd do without each other. Your arms comforted each other, sweet voices reassuring one another you were ok and there were no games anymore.

When would it end? You both never knew, but you knew that you'd always have each other.

[profound-imagination]

Rose Gardens - Eris Vanserra.

A/N: So this is the longest fic I've ever written and this is a 1st part I think, depending if people want more!

W/C: 4.9K

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You'd been quickly taken in by Rhys and Cassian when you stumbled upon them in a war camp after the first war, running for your life from the captivity you'd just escaped, both men were weary of you at first but willing to help you, it was their nature after all, despite the roles they played, it wasn't until they introduced you to the third member of their rag tag band that you knew they'd never send you away, never let anything hurt you.

They both went still like beautiful statues as the Shadowsinger took you in, roamed his eyes over your face as his shadows darted towards you and danced around you as if you were an old friend and then he fell to his knees in front of you, an act that shocked his brothers. He wrapped his arms around your middle and explained to his brothers that you were the only one who spoke to him during his imprisonment. As the daughter of a servant who worked in the kitchen of his father's home you'd sneak him meals and tend to any wounds his half brothers inflicted on him. You alone had sat outside the bars of his cell for hours while he howled in pain and cried about his ruined hands. It was you who taught him not to be scared of his shadows, doing as much research as a fairly illiterate child could, sneaking him the pages you thought were important from the library you weren't allowed to be in.

His mother had loved you like her own when you'd joined them on their hour-long visits, the only chance the two of you had to play as children should and you'd continued to visit her long after Azriel had been sent to Windhaven to train. Until you were thrown in his empty cell having been found with his mother by his father. His only reprieve Azriel had called you.

You'd have done anything for Azriel, he was your best friend, your only friend and you'd been punished for every time you'd helped him, everytime you snuck down to that damp cell, not that you ever told him. You knew he'd send you away, tell you not to come back. You'd been too young at the time to understand the feeling in your chest when you went to visit him and he was gone. You'd spent years thinking they'd killed him until this moment right here when he was on his knees in front of you. Tears welled in your eyes as you joined him on your knees and wrapped your arms around his neck. "I thought you were dead, I thought they'd killed you." You had sobbed into his neck, Rhys and Cassian had stepped away to allow the two of you to have your reunion alone and sitting in the mud and blood of a battlefield you did.

His mother had never told you where he'd gone, knowing you'd follow and quickly be made a play thing for the other warriors, knowing her son would die before he let that happen to you, it had happened anyway, your time in captivity was spent being passed around his half brothers.

In the years you'd known Azriel, the two of you had only ever been friends. You assumed this was due to knowing each other since you were children and you'd never seen or looked at him in that way. You knew he was stunningly beautiful and the other females loved him and the air of mystery he carried but not you. His brother however, his High Lord had piqued your interest from the moment you'd collided with him in the woods and hit the ground like you'd run into a tree. From the second your eyes had met his Violet ones you were done for.

You'd spent years being his confidant. The only one he'd share the weight he carried with. Itnever moved past the physical with you, Rhysand seeking you out when it all became too much and he needed a reprieve. But you'd take whatever you could get from Rhysand despite the sad looks the Shadowsinger gave you when he caught you tiptoeing out of the High Lords room or study in the early hours. The relentless teasing from Cassian or the smirks from Mor when she thought he wasn't looking. Rhys had never picked up on your feelings or if he had, he'd never mentioned it.

Life in the Night Court was good and you were happy, it had taken some adjusting. After being told every moment of Az's life since he'd left. It had taken you a while to not be mad at Cassian, something that he made very hard to do. Or wipe the dirty look off of your face as Mor toyed with him. "I love her." Azriel had pleaded with you to give her a chance, to support his feelings. You eventually had, especially after she'd told you about why she'd slept with Cassian. What had happened to her after, your heart broke for her and you let it be, taking note that Eris Vanserra was a male you never wanted to meet. You let her flit between your best friend and his brother and you didn't even notice it anymore. Az was a big boy now and could handle himself and you both knew you'd be there to pick up the pieces of him in the end.

Everything fell apart when Amarantha arrived and seized every bit of control she could. Rhys was gone and the world was crumbling. It had taken you five years to do anything other than sleep and read. Moving from your room to the library and back again. Sometimes you could picture Rhys, sitting next to you in the firelight of the library doing his paperwork as you read. His gentle chuckle as your face screwed up in disgust or lit up in joy depending on what was happening in your books. Every year you went to Calanmai after that, never to participate but knowing he was there. One of the few liberties he was allowed after hearing whispers of his attendance the year before, her whore they'd called him. You never saw him, whether he wasn't there or was avoiding you, you had no clue, you guessed on the latter. He'd gone to her willingly to protect Velaris, his family and you. He wouldn't risk it out of fear that the next time he walked into her throne room, you'd be there, broken and beaten and that she'd make him take the final blow to end you.

49 years, it took 49 years for him to come back to you. To come home. He'd winnowed into the house in the middle of dinner and taken his usual seat as if it was nothing, and started loading his plate with food. "What are you all staring at?" He asked when he'd finally loaded his plate. The dining room was silent and then it snapped, cutlery hit the table with a clang and chairs scraped against the floor as Azriel and Cassian ran for their brother. Mor stood hand over her mouth in shock until she pushed both warriors out of the way to embrace her cousin. Then all eyes turned to you, and with that damned smile on his mouth he asked "Didn't you miss me, sweet girl?" And with that you were moving, running at him full speed until you leapt at him, he caught you with ease and let you cry into his neck, taking his seat again and asking Azriel to pass your plate.

It was three days before he'd told you all of what had happened, of the human girl turned High Fae who had saved you all. One who he mentioned would be staying with you one week a month and you were excited to have a new friend. You'd hoped you could help her adjust, having been the last one who had joined the Night Court. Her first week here, three months later, was rough. You'd learned she was to marry Tamlin and that Rhys had winnowed her out from her wedding as she was screaming to be rescued. He'd kept Cass and Az away from her and you and Mor were the only ones permitted to see her as long as you didn't bother her.

Since his return Rhys had distanced himself from you and you'd put it down to the trauma he'd endured under the mountain and you left it alone. You couldn't help thinking sometimes that you were missing something, that something was going on that you weren't aware of, especially when the teasing and the smirks stopped, when Az's sad looks turned to looks of pity.

You'd managed to bond with Feyre today. Something you were very proud of, smiling gently to yourself as you headed to your room to grab your current book so you could keep the girl company while she practiced her writing in the library. You couldn't help but pick up on the hushed tones of Mor and Rhysand bickering. "Maybe you should just tell her?" Mor suggested, tell who what? "Oh yeah, that's a great idea, Feyre, I know you're in love with Tamlin and you're going to marry him but I just thought you should know I'm your mate and you are mine." Mates, mates, mates. The words span round and round in your head. You could hear them moving towards the door and you needed to get out of there. Needed to be hidden in your room while you figured out how to breathe again. You felt your heart disintegrate and your treacherous feet wouldn't move from the spot outside of Rhys' study.

You'd just started to panic as the door opened and you came face to face with Mor. Her eyes widened as yours widened right back at her and she slid through the door and closed it behind her. She was blocking you from Rhys' view, you realised. She grabbed your arm and gave you a look that said "Not here, hold it together, not where he can hear you." And the world enveloped into darkness as she Winnowed the two of you to the balcony at the top of the house. She stepped back and looked at you again.

"He didn't want you to find out like this." She said calmly, you were numb. "Did he want me to find out at all?" You croaked, she sighed. "Of course he did, he's not blind, he knows how you feel for him, knows that you waited 50 years for him, he's always known, he didn't want to hurt you and he knew this would." Your world collapsed, he'd known all along. You felt like a fool and your knees gave out as you sobbed. Mor joined you on the ground and cradled you in her arms trying her best to comfort you. You could barely hear over the thumping in your ears but you were vaguely aware of another presence on the balcony and that you'd been transferred from one set of arms to another. Taking a deep breathe to calm yourself you took in the familiar scent of Azriel and continued to cry into his chest as he held you, neither him or Mor moved.

"I need to get back to the library." You sniffled to your friends. "Feyre asked me to keep her company while she does her writing." Mor shook her head. "You don't need to do that." You smiled at her weakly "I told her I would and I will." You heard Az sigh behind you but he hauled you up with him to a standing position and wiped the last of your tears from your face. "You gonna be okay?" He asked but you knew what he meant, it went deeper than okay, and you knew if you'd asked him he'd walk straight into Rhys' study and punch him for you. You nodded at him and he Winnowed you to your room so you could retrieve your book and return to the library. He followed you there, you knew he would, you were hurting and you knew for the next little while, Az would never be far away. He was trying his best to distract you with stupid stories of Cassian when you stopped dead and he nearly ran into your back, there stood Rhys, reading Feyre's writing and smiling at her like she'd put stars in the sky.

You steeled yourself, straightened your back and held your head high as you nodded at Az who faded into the shadows of the library and walked towards the pair of them. "Found some other company I see?" You tried tease but your voice didn't come out as strong as you wanted it too and Rhys raised a questioning eyebrow that you ignored. Feyre turned to you as you felt a shadow slide its way round your wrist and up the sleeve of your tunic "I'm here." It seemed to say. "I was just about to come looking for you!" She said, her voice was like a chime and you smiled "Sorry it took me so long to get back, I had to help Az with something quickly."

She looked at Rhys "Who's Az?" Rhys eyes darted behind you into the shadows that Azriel was hiding himself in. Busted. Of course he knew he was there. "Azriel is one of my two brothers, he's away working right now." He told her as he glared at where Az was hiding.

It was later that night when Rhys called you to his study. You knew what was coming and you'd already heard him say the words but you weren't ready to hear them said directly to you. You sat as if you'd been frozen in place while he spoke. While he told you he loved you but it wasn't fair on you or her if he carried on with you. That he didn't want to hurt you and that he was sorry that he had. You surprised him when you pulled together all you had left and said. "I'm happy for you Rhysand, honestly, what a blessing to find a mate in a place like that." And you meant it. "Since when do you call me Rhysand?" He questioned as hurt flashed through his eyes. You shrugged, since about 4pm this afternoon you thought. When it became unbearable to call him anything else. "How are you going to tell the others?" You had known Mor knew thanks to the conversation you'd overheard anyway and then something clicked in your head. Azriel had never asked why you were crying. Rhys coughed and said "They already know, I just didn't know how to tell you." Just as there was a knock on the door he looked to you and your unmoving figure and told whoever was outside to come in.

He expected you to relax as Az came in followed by Cassian, you looked up at the two warriors and your heart filled with anger as you stood to face your best friend. "You knew?" You asked him, eyes looking dead into his, he nodded. "You didn't tell me? You just gave me pitiful looks while he distanced himself?" Azriel looked at the floor as he said. "He's my High Lord, I was asked not to tell you." For the second time that day, your heart disintegrated and you threw yourself at the Shadowsinger. Fists pounding on his chest, you knew he wouldn't stop you. Knew he would let you hit him as many times as you wanted until it was out of your system. The tears you swore you wouldn't spill in front of Rhys betrayed you and ran down your cheeks. It was Cassian who reacted, wrapping his giant arm around your middle and hauling you out of the study. He didn't let you go until you were both in the library and he was sitting in your favorite chair by the fire. You curled in his lap like a scared child crying into his chest.

You weren't sure how long you sat there. Curled into the massive general. You knew it had been some time since you'd cried yourself out. Exhausted and empty you stayed where you were, staring into nothingness. You weren't sure how long it had been since Azriel had joined the two of you in the library. You hadn't acknowledged him as he kneeled in front of you desperately trying to meet your eyes. You'd ignored him. The Shadowsinger tried everything he had in his arsenal to get you to look at him. He sent Shadows to dance around your fingers and hair, you'd waved them off and curled more into Cassian. You felt the General shake his head at his brother who sighed, stood up, kissed your forehead and left, shrouded by more shadows than you'd ever seen him covered in. You were thankful that Rhys had the sense to leave you be. No, you weren't sure how long you'd sat there, but you woke up the next day in your bed, eyes sore and shadows fluttering nearby.

It was days before you acknowledged Azriel again, weeks before you spoke words to him and only then you gave basic one word answers and only spoke when spoken too but there was an ever present shadow following you. All too soon the remaining Archeron sisters came tumbling out of the Cauldron, Cassian's wings were shredded and Azriel was bleeding out, he hadn't wanted you there, was insistent on it. "It's too dangerous!" He'd said and you'd scoffed at him, still so angry with him. Why you'd felt so betrayed by his silence about Rhys and Feyre. The latter had accepted the bond with great joy, you were happy for them, you could see how well they worked. You felt sick to your stomach looking down at Azriel, not daring to move towards him. It was Feyre who saved you all. She broke the bond with Rhys and fell back into Tamlin's arms. Rhys roared in pain, a sound you'd never heard him make and you flinched as Mor grabbed you. She winnowed over to Feyre's sisters. Ripping Elain away from Lucien. You grabbed Nesta, who Cassian had been desperately trying to reach since she'd been dragged into the throne room in her night dress. Mor winnowed again, back to safety. Back to the place that no longer felt like a home to you.

War was coming. Tamlin in his heartbreak had allowed Hyburns forces to enter Prythian via Spring. Feyre had destroyed him and his court from the inside, a move you did not agree with and she had returned with Lucien as High Lady of the Night Court, another move you didn't agree with, she was, after all, a child compared to the rest of you. A child with far too much power. A meeting had been arranged with all the High Lords. They would meet at the palace in the Dawn Court. It was there you'd first seen him. Tall, pale, arrogant, freckles across his face that looked like constellations. He'd caught you staring at him and smirked at you. His amber eyes met yours and you felt a tiny spark of something in your chest as a small gasp escaped from your mouth. He continued to watch you as Mor bounced up to your side and glared at him. "That's Eris." She spoke lowly into your ear and in solidarity with your friend, your curious look turned into a glare as well. As she dragged you away you wondered if he had the same gift as Rhys as you swore you could hear his low chuckle in your head. It was the best sound you'd ever heard.

To say the meeting was a shitshow was putting it lightly. Tamlin showed up and blamed Feyre for the invasion of the Spring Court and the subsequent attack on Summer. Rhys tried to persuade everyone he was a good guy all along and then silenced Tamlin from speaking. Eris made some comments about Mor and Azriel truly lost his shit. It was you who pulled him off of the Autumn Heir. Feyre pulled rank and asked Azriel to sit with her and the chaos continued as Beron ordered his son out of the room to clean himself up. You don't know why you did it. You don't know what in the cauldron possessed you to wait five minutes and follow Eris out of the room, but you did. You could heal, that was your thing and Rhys said you needed allies. That's what you were doing. Making allies. That's what you were convincing yourself of as you sought him out. You weren't even sure how you knew where he'd gone but somehow, you did.

You found him sitting on a stone bench in one of the gardens. Picking the petals off of a rose he'd picked from one of the many bushes that surrounded him. You hid behind one as you watched him, watched his nimble fingers pull off petal after petal. Watched them catch fire and burn as they fell to the ground. Watched him run and hand down his face and then wince in pain. "You know I know you're there right?" He asked, looking straight at the bush you were hiding behind.

You cleared your throat, straightened your dress, held your head high as Rhys had always taught you to do and walked towards him. His eyes took you in, roaming you up and down. "Azriel must be getting really sloppy at training his spies, you weren't quiet at all." You bristled at his comment. "I'm not a spy and you shouldn't bait him." He rolled his eyes. "But it's so fun getting under the Shadowsinger's skin." You rolled your eyes this time. "So you like getting your ass kicked then?" He crossed his arms and winced as he did so. "He just got lucky." You laughed. "Uh huh, sure he did." His eyes narrowed as he looked at you. "If you're not a spy, why are you spying on me?" You huffed. "I wasn't spying on you, I can heal, I'm a good healer, I just thought I'd offer to help but then I found you and all the stories I've been told caught up with me and I hesitated." He uncrossed his arms but his eyes narrowed more and his brow furrowed. "Ah I see, the villainous Eris Vanserra, at your service."

You sighed and sat next to him. "I tend to like to form my own opinions, thank you. People aren't always what they seem." He froze, his face morphed into shock and then back to suspicious all within the space of about 3 seconds. "You'd be the first." He muttered as he picked another rose and began picking and burning the petals. "No healer can be that good, I'll heal well enough." You stood from the bench and kneeled at the pile of burnt petals at his feet. You hovered your hands over them and he watched, eyebrows raised as a soft golden glow emitted from your palms. He watched in awe as the petal reformed and you picked it up and handed it to him, retaking your place next to him on the bench. "I'm that good." You smirked. "Modest too." He said as he smirked right back.

The two of you fell into easy conversation for the next few minutes before you broached the subject again. "So will you let me?" He raised an eyebrow at you. "Let you what?" He smirked. "Heal you?" His smirk turned into a small smile. "You really don't have to do that, I'll heal on my own." You gave him a proper smile. "I want to." He hesitated. "I don't even have to touch you, it'll be super quick and it won't hurt-" he cut you off. "Okay, okay." You beamed and held your hands up to his face, without touching him. He watched with awe again as your palms turned golden. He could feel the skin on his face stitching back together. Your palms moved down, hovering over his chest. "Y/N, what the hell are you doing?" You froze at the sound of Azriel's voice and Eris watched your eyes widen. You turned to face the Shadowsinger. "I was helping." Azriel's eyes flashed. "You don't help him." Your eyes narrowed at him. "That's not your choice to make." You could feel the smirk Eris undoubtedly had on his face. "Get inside Y/N." You crossed your arms. "Excuse me? Who do you think you're talking to?" A throat cleared behind Eris. "Someone who's doing as his High Lord's orders." Eris watched your spine straighten. "Inside, Y/N. Now." Rhys said, leaving no room for argument. You looked at Eris one last time. "Goodbye." You murmured and you turned to walk past Azriel. Eris grabbed your wrist and pulled you back towards him. "It was lovely to meet you, Y/N. I hope to see you again soon." He said as he slipped something into your hand and he kissed your knuckles. "Unlikely." Azriel spat at the Autumn Lordling and followed you inside.

As soon as you were alone in your room, you opened your palm to find the rose you had healed for him. You quickly stowed it away in your trunk as Azriel walked through the door. "You don't knock now?" You asked him as you crossed your arms. "What the hell was that about?" He mimicked your stance and you could tell he was fighting his temper. "I was healing him after you beat the shit out of him? Is that not why we're here? For alliances?" He ran a frustrated hand down his face. "You don't go near him, Y/N, you know what he did to Mor." You scoffed at him. "I'm a big girl, Azriel, you can't tell me what to do!" Shadows flared and skitted about the room. "I'm trying to keep you safe! I don't want the same thing to happen to you! He's not a good male!" "We need him, Azriel! We need Autumn!" Power crackled in the room and darkness snuffed out all the light. "Leave, Azriel." Rhysands smooth commanding voice filled the room. The Shadowsinger huffed but obeyed.

"Here to scold me like a child too?" You asked Rhys as soon as Azriel was out the door. "What's going on with you lately?" Rhys asked, taking a seat in one of the armchairs by the fire and crossing one long leg over the other. "Nothing." He let out a bitter laugh. "Don't lie to me." You sat opposite him. "I'm not." You cringed as you felt the talons of his power scraping across your mind. "Get out of my head Rhys." He sighed, uncrossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees. "Then tell me what's going on? Your snappy, distant and today you went after Eris!" You huffed. "We're here for alliances! I offered my help!" He scoffed. "Looked more friendly than that if you ask me!" You rolled your eyes. "It was nothing, I offered to help him heal, that's all!" You were almost shouting at him as your hand rubbed at your chest where a warmth had settled since you'd left Eris in the garden. Rhys stood. "Don't come crying to me when you get hurt." He snapped as he left the room.

You paced the length of the room a couple of times, frustration filling you and angry tears filled your eyes. Why had you gone after Eris? How did you know exactly where he was? What was this warm feeling that hadn't left your chest? You did the only thing that seemed logical and threw yourself on your bed and cried. You weren't sure when you'd fallen asleep but when you woke it was dark and the palace was quiet. You rolled over and spotted a note on your bedside table. Curiosity over took you and you pulled it open.

Dear Y/N,

I hope you didn't get in too much trouble for helping me. Your friends are not particularly fond of me for things that happened many years ago that haven't ever been properly explained.

I thank you for your time and your gentle words. No one has been that kind to me for a very long time. Please know if you ever need me, all you need to do is write. Just think of me and the note will come to me. Don't let life in the Night Court snuff you out. There's a whole world out there Y/N. Explore it.

I would very much like to see you again before you leave tomorrow, before war takes over again. I'll be in the garden. I hope to see you.

Sincerely,

Eris.

You didn't think twice as you sprung out of bed, shoved your slippers on your feet and took off out of your room towards the gardens. You were praying you weren't too late as you cleared the front door and rounded the corner to the rose garden where you found him earlier. Your heart sank as you took in the empty garden. You'd missed him. He wasn't here. You sighed and sunk down on the bench.

"Looking for someone?"