#Think Of The Children is bullshit 99% of the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mean-scarlet-deceiver · 4 months

Text

Wilbert's Worst

Right, so I really was open to having my mind changed on The Worst One but nobody’s argument has budged me.

I was going to write a complete, balanced essay on The Worst W. Awdry Book, but I’m a) mired in the research phase (hey if anyone knows someone with an encyclopedic knowledge of Tom and Jerry hit me up, for real) and b) right now I wanna talk about the characters and their Beloved Dynamics instead.

So I'm just gonna get this out of the way so I can post the poll and move on to answering fun asks and watching Tom and Jerry in peace. Behold: a salty and unbalanced review.

Wilbert’s biggest failure of a children’s storybook?

Henry the Green Engine

Ohhh… because of the, uh, ra —?

Because of the racism, yes!

Oh. You do know that since 1972 they’ve republished it without the n-slur?

Good for them. Two things:

1. I know it used to be there, I’m never able to read it without knowing it was there in the first edition.

2. I consistently try, when ranking the books, to consider them in the context in which they came out. Because of this, I don’t like using “things that happened later” (like a new character never being properly used again or whatever) against the book. This helps me evaluate the author’s successes and failures against what they were trying to achieve when they wrote it vs what I would most want (blorbo content). It helps me not bring to bear the whole weight of fanon and fandom on a text that should be able to stand or fall on its own. Tl;dr I try to read the books like a guy who picked it up in 1951, or whatever.

And yeah, if I’d bought this when it came out it would have had the slur. I’m going to judge it accordingly.

Look, racism is bad, no argument, but does that mean the book as a whole must be condemned?

Yeah, I think the slur and the “aaaand suddenly, blackface! heeheehee” bullshit fuck over the entire book, game over. Go directly to jail, do not collect $200.

The Railway Series is not a work of high art or deep thorny complex literature. The books are meant for children — small children, at that. Children small enough to get bedtime stories read to them. The main goal of each book (especially this early on — you do have to manage secondary priorities like “pleasing the long-time fanbase” the longer you go, but right now we’re only 6 books into the series) is to create a happy imaginary world to enhance childhoods and family lives… to impart to other parents and kids a similar cosy happiness to that the author and his own kids enjoyed when he was workshopping/drafting the stories for them. When we say “children’s book” we really do mean little’uns — these average 1.25 full-color illustrations per page!

And these books sold in large numbers. This means it’s a certainty that somewhere in 1951 there was a Black family who owned the whole series, who went out to the shops, whose kid was like “ooh! Henry gets a book, neat…,” who like everyone else enjoyed the wild ride of Henry’s inspection and coal and wreck and rebuild… only to get verbally spat on one page from the end.

Real mood-killer there. Epic fail, as the cool kids used to say in my youth.

All right, fine, cool kids never said that. Anyway, statistically speaking there was certainly even more than one family that got that experience. Not to mention the non-Black families who even in 1951 were like “... wtf? i’d smack my kid if they ever said a word like that around me, geez. no.” Just a lot of people who had the light the book was kindling in them snuffed out all at once.

You can actually be totally racist and your book not commit creative suicide on the penultimate page! Awdry flubbed his job of 'bestselling books-for-six-year-olds' here. Creative failure. Unforced error. Automatic zero.

But times were different then, you have to consider it in the context of the time.

1951 U.K. was not the nadir of multiracial equality or Black power, but jfc. I can assure you that over 99% of children’s books published that year in the Anglosphere managed to not use the n-slur.

All right, all right. That was bad. But this feels off-topic. If you had never known about what used to be “Henry’s Sneeze,” would you still rank the entire book as dead last in the Wilbert Awdry corpus?

Not dead last, but it is not a strong book. “Coal” and “The Flying Kipper” are super-interesting as material for Henry, but after that the book kind of falls off a cliff; the intrigue drops dramatically. The railway incidents chosen to make stories of are all solid choices, but it was not only “Sneeze” where Awdry’s handling of the material feels clumsy and weird. (And I’m not even talking here of the “heehee blackface — ain’t i a stinker?” gag in “Sneeze.”)

But… “The Flying Kipper”? C’mon. It’s a superb story and no book that contains it can be the absolute worst in the series.

“TFK” remains easily the best single TVS episode ever – but a lot of that is down to Britt and David’s artistry and judgment.

Don’t get me wrong, a full-on railway wreck makes interesting material. But I don’t think the book does nearly as much with it as it could (and I’m trying sooooo hard here to forget about the amazing TVS adaptation, as I think it REALLY shows Awdry up. Even so, the storytelling here is surprisingly tepid and low-stakes). I get that Awdry probably wanted to lean into the comic angle and not make Henry’s condition afterwards seem too grave, in order to ensure the material wasn’t too dark for his young audience? (*mutters* again, a level of tender consideration for his readers’ youth that went right out the window when it came to small Black kids, evidently coz he couldn’t imagine that they read) Understandable, laudable — but if he outright refuses* to make the wreck too dramatic or scary then, well, then the wreck isn’t real scary or dramatic. And it can’t save the rest of the book from its flaws.

*For all I know it could have been the publishers who insisted that the wreck be made preschooler-safe, that’s possible (although it’s also consistent with Awdry’s brand of humor and his overall low degree of emotionalism in his writing). Either way, though, the end result book is what it is and it will be judged accordingly.

In addition to not being as exciting as many remember... @trainsupessandhuntresses asked me once if I thought some of Awdry's stories were "mean-spirited." I had to assent vigorously. And a surprisingly high proportion of those "mean" moments are in Henry the Green Engine? For some reason? It’s not just the racism. Awdry was not in the game to give Henry a deserved happy ending, he’d wanted to kill him off (the fuck?) and when his publishers prevented him (I don’t say this often, especially since I love how salty the Awdrys get about their publishers, but this in case good job, publishers!!) he wrote “TFK” with the primary motivation of giving Henry a new engine basis. Any soft or hearty emotions we get out of the deal are a side-effect — the only emotion that was fueling Awdry as he wrote this was spite, spite and a weird resentment towards his poor, long-suffering, invaluable illustrator. (I don’t blame Awdry for being frustrated that the engine illustrations were continually inaccurate or confusing, but I do think it’s weird to read all this great Henry material knowing that it was written with such poor grace.)

So his ‘happy Henry’ stuff feels perfunctory; his Percy interlude is just brutal (why did you have to drag Percy into Henry’s book purely to give him a fuck-up, a scolding, and a messy dunce cap?); Gordon’s savaging of Henry for being too happy after recovering from a near-death experience is such an incredibly low point for Gordon that it’s hard for me to accept it as canon (there’s being proud, boastful, and self-absorbed, and then there’s being the straight-up raccoon dumpster fire Gordon is in that scene). Oh, and I think “call the police [local constabulary, doesn’t bear firearms]” woulda probably a less reckless way of dealing with the rock-throwing youths than the sneeze of hot locomotive ashes, which of course the Fat Controller doesn’t like, that shit coulda been real dangerous! Mind, there are small rays of kindness throughout that do get me (the interactions between Henry and his crew feeling to me the least perfunctory and most heartfelt), but this is overall such a mean-spirited book. God. It starts off with such a gentle story (almost a non-story, if you’re in it purely for the “railway incidents” game and not character drama), but in short order the vibes just sorta suck. At least in other RWS books, when the vibes are off, they’re usually off near the beginning and then improve by the end. This one gets worse as it goes on. Oof. Don’t like that.

Also, the last page is sooooo lame. I suspect the publisher strong-armed Awdry into writing most of it so that at least the slur wasn’t on the last page of the book... and if Awdry had any idea of how much he’d just empowered Henry and all his fans in this book he shouldn’t have found it hard to find 50 extra words to sum things up. As it was, he’s just filling space and running out the clock, lol. Lame wrap-up. Boring. As usual when it comes to every little thing about this book, Britt and David closed this up better (mind, their closer – “He had taught Gordon and silly boys a lesson, with a whistle and a sneeze” – also sucked. But at least it was blessedly short.)

Didn’t you once list HtGE on a list of your favorite Wilbert Awdry books?

I did list it as one of the books that “at one time or another” have been my favorite in the series. Unfortunately in the case of HtGE, that was back when I really couldn’t read a story that I knew from the TVS without mentally substituting the adaptation into my brain as I read… largely overriding the actual text. Plus, everything I knew from TVS as a kid kind of automatically got a halo effect. Plus, I was super into Henry’s arc.

The first time I read HtGE after calming down and actually reading all the books as books... massive disappointment. There is such a gap there between what I'd thought the book said (all our incredible fanon work overanalyzing and headcanoning Henry and building this beautiful fantasy arc about disability!) vs. what it actually said (limp and careless writing, mean vibes, airbrushed n-slur, bad aftertaste).

I do think there is some stuff about the development of Awdry’s storytelling technique here that is interesting (again, Tom and Jerry superfans reading this, please shoot me a message!) but it doesn’t counteract everything else.

At least we’re over the racism stuff?

Nah, I’m not over it, actually.

#showed his whole ass #an rws book shouldn’t leave a nasty taste in your mouth #but! here we are #okay this rant was not as short as i thought it'd be #but again. there will be a proper analysis in the fullness of time.#henry the green engine (rws)#rws discussion #racism tw #slur mention tw

45 notes · View notes

eulchu · 7 months

Note

me seeing Dream cover heatwave while george giggling behind the stage as Victorian mother drop Nile river tears when seeing her children first walk

like idont know i think its been long enough to be srsly insane about this Remember when george was like huh i just got a really weird notification about someone famous and i think it's bc i know this person who probably has connections . and im like 99% sure "this person" was dream and it was connected to music i feel insane typing all this anyway at the time i thought it would be an artist that was gonna collab with dream <- it obviously wasn't bc the album doesn't have any features past yung gravy . so my next idea was What if .what if what if what if the LA special guests are . maybe . glass animals . LIKE WE DONT KNOW . cause if u think of the number of celebs that could potentially be guests for the droncert . hear me out . if i had to say names. glass animals . lil nas. alec benjamin . and i Don't think george would be surprised at getting a notif from either lil nas or alec benjamin bc . he's kinda used to interacting with either of the two . glass animals however . he's only really reached out to use their song for the vlog . OR I DONT KNOW MAYBE IM LIKE BATSHIT INSANE AND ALL THIS IS BULLSHIT . I dont know just. maybe

#I DONT ONOW #food for thought or whateber #asknootfound

19 notes · View notes

nerves-nebula · 8 months

Text

"the actors don't like the ship it makes them uncomfortable!" yeah that does not and never has mattered. they're actors. they act as characters. they are not the characters themselves, they do not have a say in how you think of or portray the characters they act as. this is not real person fanfiction. Alex is just a homophobic creep.

anyway after talking to my friend i've decided to just tell you guys. the series i hate is The Mandela Catalogue. it's so shit. absolute garbage. Plays into every ableist trope in the book.

If you try to analyze the way characters are coded to be scary or creepy or "inhuman" it's 99% of the time just them being disabled or neurodivergent or some other marginalized identity.

the fascist undertones of the series are incredibly evident, from the stranger-danger propaganda being given at face value with no commentary on how fucked up it is to just say it's reasonable for you to shoot someone you think is an alternate/looks weird (are white people not aware of all the poc and disabled people who get shot and attacked cuz their existence is seen as threatening?)

the public announcement shit is literally fear mongering except it's in universe proven to be correct because the universe alex has created is an inherently fascist one where innocent white Christians and their innocent white children are under attack from Real Demons (where have i heard that one before)

the THINK principles are akin to a cults guideline. how is the scary thing here that there are weird looking people out there that will Say Scary Shit to you (the idea of an Unknowable Truth as it's alluded to in tmc is bullshit and one of the dumbest Monster powers I've ever heard of) instead of the fact that society is gonna collapse because this shit will make people paranoid as hell, and start shooting their neighbors. But no, that would make it a GOOD series with something INTERESTING to say.

OH and the fact that the enemies in the series are somehow supposed to Look Just Like You (they could be anyone!!) but also look biologically impossible (so many of the alternates + The intruder just look like disabled or disfigured people put through a scary filter)

and hey, while we're here, can we think of any other examples of tropes in media in which all of these apply to The Enemy?

looks very similar to REAL humans, so much so that they could fool you into thinking they ARE one! and yet are also somehow inherently biologically different in a way you are capable of figuring out just by looking at them.

has dark beady eyes and a hooked/big/prominent nose (thinking of the intruder specifically here)

Kidnaps your children for their own nefarious means (blood libel)

Kidnaps/corrupts your children by controlling the media/technology/TV screens.

Desire world domination/is part of some big conspiracy stretching far into the past

Guilty for the death (or in this instance possibly the replacement of) Jesus Christ

depicted as literal demons

Hint! it's antisemitism! it's always fucking antisemitism!!! Coming from a man who's main source of inspiration is his Christianity & mental health issues (though he doesn't seem to mind demonizing the symptoms of mental illnesses he hasn't had personal experience with) i'm not surprised! Though I am disappointed, because he supposedly wants to be a writer, and he doesn't seem very aware of any of the tropes he's propagating. like c'mon man, i thought you liked literature.

I could make another list exactly like that one but for ableism, but if i committed that hard then we'd be here all day.

Alex has even started using words like Degenerate/Degeneration in promotional material too (which if you know anything about fascist rhetoric is a bad sign) not to mention his weird behavior around queer headcanons/shipping and his tendency to mock people who read queer subtext into his work.

The only good things that come from the mandela catalogue are from the fandom but even the fandom can't stop talking about how SUBVERSIVE and UNIQUE it is when it's literally just regurgitated reactionary talking points. The fandom also loves reinforcing Alex's weird ass "no gay shipping" mandate.

like, he clearly doesn't mind the inclusion of romances. Adam had a girlfriend. what he says he minds is "sexualization" which just so happens to include every instance of two male characters looking at each other or holding hands (because being gay is inherently sexual to him, which is homophobic btw. not a "boundary")

i could write essays about how every little single aspect of this series is, thematically speaking, dogshit garbage which appeals to the majority and barely admits the rest of us exist (which i wouldnt even care about so much if people didn't act like this series was at all unique or subversive)

I've talked for fucking hours about how every time i think it can't get any worse it somehow does. i've barely touched on the ableism here, haven't even mentioned the racism OR how all the female characters are defined by their relations to the male characters.

ALL THIS. ALL THIS!!! And all you see about it is praise praise PRAISE. but guys. it's just BAD.

side note: if this post makes you feel the need to tell me why it's actually good: don't! i really dont care if you like it, good for you i guess. as far as i'm concerned the fans of it are the best part of the whole damn series (to be clear the fandom has its own problem but even then. it's generally fine) but it is NOT good source material.

#nnstuff #hateful webseries

49 notes · View notes

robogenko · 3 months

Text

So, I have modded Fallout 4 so much that it can be really unstable, and just looking at it wrong can cause corrupted game files, or just, mods not working, or frequent crashing etc. So I'm pretty used to just, playing it until it becomes too unstable to play anymore and I go and start the same characters over again. There's some things I try to keep consistent across games with the same character, but even so things will always turn out slightly different.

But man, I really like how the timing of the romance between Briar and MacCready happened in my current playthrough.

So, I've been hovering at around 98-99% affinity with MacCready for.. a while >.> gaining and losing like 1.5% percent but never hitting 100. So, I just try not to think about it, and just get through all the bullshit before I'm free to wander aimlessly... and they are a slow burn sorta flavor anyway, so it works.

So I get the diamond city house and start setting it up as their new like, base of operations in the middle of the commonwealth. A place to fix up their gear, recover, and stash their valuables away the other less private housing in other settlements. I run out of materials to build shit, so as I'm hunting through the market for the miscellaneous materials i need, i get the random thought to pop into the school, as if by accident while looking through the market.

Well, as I'm talking to Miss Edna and respond with something like "Children need all the love you can give them" I get a ping [MacCready liked that] [99.5%] and then when she asks "This "love" I hear about. Do you think you can have it for someone, even if the two of you are very, very different?" and Briar responds with "If you love someone, hold on to them. Tomorrow you might not have the chance." and I get another ping [MacCready liked that] [100.5] [MacCready idolizes you].

And I watch the follow up conversation between Miss Edna and Mr. Zwicky (which makes it really clear they are in love and have been for awhile, but neither will tell the other how they feel) then when I go back downstairs to leave, that's when Mac stops me for the final affinity dialogue.

I told him to wait a sec, and then they went for a walk out to the back of Diamond City where they could be alone and then start the dialogue.

Now, normally I wait to romance him until after this dialogue, since it's when he finally spills the full story about his late wife and everything. But.... the timing was just so perfect, and the sunset looked so lovely, I went for it, and he accepted. I think I'm just gonna fudge the details in my mind bit. That's it's really several conversations they've had over time, condensed into one for game mechanics reasons >.>

#fallout #fallout 4 #maccready #myocs #Briar Badger

7 notes · View notes

ligbi · 11 months

Photo

Yet Another Comparison Of ‘90-’99 And ‘14-’23 Anime Girls

Used in-episode screenshots and semi-neutral expressions to keep some semblance of consistency for accurate comparisons, and only used tv anime so no golden boys or makoto shinkais

Feel free to comment on this post or add to it- I know I had a lot more children's anime in the 90s than in the 10ishs but there were also a lot less shows back then

List of series and thoughts under the cut

90-99

knights of ramune \ nadia

goldfish warning\ future gpx

dog of flanders\yyh

akazukin chacha\slam dunk

tenchi universe/ eva

escaflone/ those who hunt elves

kero kero chime/utena

akihabara/ devilman lady

tenshi ni narumon/gto

14-23

yuki yuna/garo

rakudai kini no cavalry/ nisekoi

kuma miko/ maisou gakuen

urara meirochou/tsugumomo

a place further than our universe/ happy sugar life

endro/carole and tuesday

bna/ interspecies reviewers

drugstore in another world/blue period

lyrocois recoil/birdy wing

revolution magical world yuri/ ice guy and cool colleague

I tried to keep it younger characters/older characters for the 90s and that was not an option for the recent anime series because

There are way too many damn anime nowadays.

I tried to just get a general assortment of different character designers for both but feel free to tell me what a bad job I did for the modern stuff. Pretty sure I don’t have any dupes for the 90s ladies

personally the issue with modern anime is less ‘uwu moe moe kyun isekai harem bullshit’ and more ‘heres a single cour cheaply made no ending adaptaion of a manga or light novel why don’t you go check those out’ big budget ads of which there are too many

i’d like to run the numbers to see if the percentage of original anime has gone down or if the original works are just being flooded out by the sea of overworked nothings that are being constantly rushed out the door

yes obviously not all original works are good (or finish well rip wep) and there are good adaptations but when people think anime once they're past shounen jump series 1-500 the biggest names are original works and sure you might end up with an fma or ouran but your bebops your evas your utenas are originals. or media mixes which are weird collabs we could get into but let’s not today

i won’t disagree that there’s too many anime nowadays targeting lolicons (yeah yeah any anime for them is too much but we’re talking about comparing eras not judging content here) but I /think/ 80s and 90s relegated that type of stuff to OVAs generally. Don’t have the data to back that up but between ovas nowadays being only just for porn and the lemony history of ovas since the 80s.... there were just More ovas back when as well

doing a loose count on mal of all ovas from 90-99 1050 to about 750 total for 14-23. given the tv ratio for 95-19 being around 1:6

yes yes these numbers are fast and loose and theres chinese animation in there and we can get finicky about What Is Anime but this was a conversation about what era of anime stylization is better

it’s the late 90s btw

but that’s a personal preference of course because art is subjective blah blah blah 90s character driven comedy fantasy/scifi ova are peak

PER SON A LLY

did I have more thoughts?

probably

i started this over two hours ago make less anime

Make less anime and put more effort into what you do make

less anime. more episodes. more pay. more breaks. take longer. more original stuff

stop remaking shittttttt. you already wasted time and money and effort on a mid anime adaptation of a manga. don’t do it againnnnnn

anyway watch kero kero chime

appended thoughts the next morning less on art style and more on volume

as of mid 2023 for completed series we are at halfway of all anime having been made after ~2011 this adds up to a reddit post I found with some very nice data https://www.reddit.com/r/anime/comments/lvvexe/chart_of_number_of_anime_per_year_over_time/ 40 was a nice number of series a year about 10 a season starting and older ones continuing. 200+ is.

yes numbers are iffy with second seasons listed as different series like sailor moon r s supers stars and mha 2 3 4 5 6 ect so for accurate numbers a human touch would be needed there is semi-finite air time to work with- obviously some companies could make new tv and satellite stations just to house their garbage but i think there is a cap somewhere in sight if anyone did crunch the numbers more accurately, total episode count is necessary. one 80s robot show of 60-80 epis is equal to 4-6 modern single cour isekais

make less anime

#anime #90s anime #10s anime #20s anime #modern anime #moe anime #classic anime #long post #comparison #i have issues with those 90s vs modern anime posts. obviously #we all know what sailor moon and faye look like i don't want to hear any bitching watch more shows

18 notes · View notes

lightlycareless · 8 months

Text

Chapter 36 - thoughts.

Hello everyone!

Back at it again with chapter 36’s notes! Of course, if you want to avoid spoilers I recommend reading the chapter (found right over here) first. Also, I skipped chapter 35’s notes because I didn’t think there was much to say… or if there was, it would be too short for me to make a post. However, if there’s something you’d like for me to expand on that chapter I’ll gladly oblige! My ask box is always open ❤️

As always, major spoilers underneath the cut, as well as no proofreading, or very minimal. All candid you know lol.

Now, without further ado, here are the notes!

This chapter was meant to clarify or deepen the motivations behind some of the characters :> uncover the continuous mystery surrounding Minako’s and Tomoko’s absence, their relationship with their family, and one thing I’ve been wanting to explore about jujutsu (which I’m not done with hehe) however, I did face some difficulties, mainly because of the timeline and if the stories were tragic enough HAHAHA.

But anyways, let’s start with the hardships.

The timeline, a.k.a how old were Y/N and Naoya when their respective mothers died. Now, I don’t like setting down dates because I feel like once you take that commitment, there’s no going back 😂. And there’s too many things I want to explore to reduce them into dates, so I tend to leave them open-ended.

However, with Y/N I did have some guidelines. It was important for me to keep Minako’s death occurring after ’98, and all because I said she was very supporting of Ren when Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls 😭 not them influencing my fic once again 😂 that, and because I didn't envision her being present in the high school era of their kids.

Taking all of this into consideration, her death would've to occur inbetween 99-01. The latest would make Y/N roughly 10 years old, Hinata 12, Ren 14. Very young to lose a mother, indeed.

As for Naoya, I just needed him to be old enough to remember Tomoko, but not that old for Mariya and the gang to remember her. Out of the two, she would have to be the most mysterious one, considering nobody wants to talk about, (I wouldn't be surprised if the members of the estate didn't know when she was last seen) one could even say she’s more of a legend at this point, impossible to prove or disprove.

I think the one that knows/remembers most of her had to be Junko, considering how she was trained to be Ogi’s wife or whatever bullshit by her. Naobito can’t be bothered to remember his own wife, not even after the 6 kids she gave him, although he is the kind of person to compare “his ex” with his partners, saying how she was prettier or some other bs, or even look for said partners who kind of resemble her. At least her memories live on with him like that jfc what am I even saying.

Anywayssssss

I think that out of the two, Tomoko’s story was the most tragic. In the way that she was essentially doomed from the very moment Naobito set eyes on her. I don’t think she ever imagined the things she would have to go through. Maybe the kid part she had an idea, but the rest? Nah, no amount of indoctrination could ever prepare her for that.

The more depth I give her, the more realize how truly alone she is, like it physically pained me to have to write how Tomoko could only trust her children (and not even all of them); she probably couldn’t even rely on Junko for anything. Now that it’s been brought up, Tomoko probably asked Junko’s favorite flowers to be planted as a way to show sorority, reach out to her, but it flew past her. I don’t doubt she desperately tried to reach out to her family too, only to be told to “suck it up” and that this is the best thing to happen in their life, so she better not ruin it.

Once again, the Zen’in dynamic is heavily inspired by the Todoroki fam lol Tomoko must be Rei around the time she burnt Shoto. I’m glad to say that it didn’t go to those extremes but had Naoya not said anything… who knows what might’ve happened. Even as disgusting as he’d become, I’m glad his child-self didn’t get attacked like that.

Another point I wanted to explore about her was her dynamic with the rest of her kids. If I had to put like a list of her most to least liked kids, Naoaki would be the first, from there Naofumi, Naohiko, Naosuke, Naohito, and finally, Naoya.

Naoaki is mainly because he was her first child, back then when she was still… “ok”, and even with the environment she had to raise him, she still cared for him and was very involved in his upbringing, as much as she could anyways.

Because he was the oldest one, the most “mature one” thanks to his crude childhood, Tomoko felt she could confide in him, but that relationship didn’t flourish until he was replaced by Naoya.

I swear, Tomoko must’ve been the kind of mother that unintentionally pitted her children against each other and spoke badly of their father to them by saying things (mainly to Naoaki) like “I don’t know what your father is thinking about, you’re clearly much better than Naoya” and “You were never as impolite as him” and so on and so forth. She might’ve also been blunt about how Naobito doesn’t seem to like them, but that “didn't matter” because she does. (OK Tomoko, not sure they wanted to hear the first part but aight)

She tried being a good mother, she really did. But her environment, alongside the critical pregnancies she had finally took a toll on her mental health, and it led her to take it out on Naoya—I believe the best way to describe what she was feeling was postpartum depression, but considering how grave it was and the problems she had with her previous pregnancies, it was more likely postpartum psychosis.

The Zen’in strike me as the kind of family that doesn’t believe in mental health—less if it comes from women, I shouldn’t be surprised they thought Tomoko as simply “emotional” instead of having an actual condition that needed treatment. Oh no, the Zen’in shooting themselves on the foot once again? Who could've seen this coming?!

Naoya unfortunately became the outlet of Tomoko’s suffering, which started as soon as she gave birth to him and held him—she looked at that poor baby and something inside her snapped. Something like “you’re the child these bastards were looking for, you’re the reason why I had to suffer so much.”

Also, I don’t know if anyone remembers one post a long time ago, where I said I was watching the movie Hereditary and was like “Huh, inspiring.”

I meant this scene. Except that Tomoko (or at least that’s what I understood from the mom’s “disdain” for the kid—of course, that was just one issue of the many they had lol) didn’t feel sorry for Naoya and the life he was going to be put through, but rather all that she had to endure to conceive him. Can’t blame her, it was tough… I just wished none of them had to become her victims too.

That, and essentially Azula from Avatar, that one scene where she’s like “my own mother thought I was a monster” goddamn if that isn’t painful—it made you feel bad for her, even with her craziness, she just wanted a mother 😭 unnghhhh not me trying to redeem Naoya!!!! (more like make him… human)

Her absence was definitely the major point as to why Naoya turned out to be the way he did. With her gone, the last “happy” (let’s put it that way) thing inside the Zen’in was completely eradicated. Even if Naoya didn’t get to interact much with her, just by seeing her by afar he probably would’ve been like, wait…. What is… that—get a reference on how not to be an absolute, indisputable piece of shit.

He would’ve still turned to be a jackass, but maybe not that bad? Idk, people can have two parents and still turn batshit crazy.

Now, this also served to justify his womanizing ways lol. I don’t know why the fandom decided that was to be one of his traits (which I don’t mind I guess), considering he’s insufferable, but after watching one of my favorite youtuber’s expand on someone who behaved a similar way, I was like DAMN is that Naoya.

People tend to seek attention through various ways, and for Naoya that would be in countless women. It’s peak mommy issues, I know, but in his defense… don’t we all have parent issues 😭? Anyways, Naoya tried to search for that one person that would cherish/love him unconditionally, someone that made him truly special, saw for who he was and not for what he had… (can you believe I based that “you’re my favorite child because you’re the most talented one” line FROM A GODDAM DOUJINSHI? I won’t go into details, but it’s a certain obnoxious, irritating heir from a prestigious clan and his renegade cousin HAHAHAHAHH)

I mean, I get it, but what was Naoya expecting to find by flaunting his wealth in order to meet people? Not to say that everyone is like that but come on lol. And he wasn’t even selective about them either? He would just go with the one he considered attractive/convincing enough and hoped for the best, I guess? He became pickier further down the road (aw, Naoya eventually learned to be choosy lol) stopping only, of course, when he eventually met his beloved Y/N :> Just another tease for their first meeting (I feel like I’m hyping this too much, I hope it ain’t disappointing when it finally appears on the story)

Well, even if he cares for Y/N, he still takes a lot from Naobito. He’s lucky Y/N is essentially trapped with him because she would’ve left the moment she could—she’s not like Tomoko, she still has someone to support her so… the clock is ticking Naoya.

Now onto the other BS family, the L/N.

This is the part I liked the most, because it’s more inclined to the whole “expanding how jujutsu can be used” kind of thing.

I already knew that Minako was going to… die like that and was looking forward to expanding on it when it finally came to it. (I just know that Ren, Hinata, and Y/N would hate this one vine with a burning passion—Gojo is the one to show it to them and they will beat his ass) doubling down when the whole culling games arc thingy happened on the manga, I was like DAMN so that’s what Kenjaku was doing? What was going to happen with Tsumiki? oohoHOHOHO, although I don’t think both things could relate considering the timeline and the requirements to mark them… or who knows? I don’t remember if it was specified when Kenjaku started marking people, or if Tsumiki and the rest of the victims were the first ones. (there’s allot of things that don’t make sense to me 😭 and I haven’t kept up with the manga tbh)

Well, it didn’t stop me from going on with my plan, and thus I began to torture Y/N and her family.

The reason why Minako got cursed… was easy: because some sorcerers were jealous/desperate to get to her. After seeing how strong her kids were, they thought “well maybe we can kidnap her and use her” but after that proved to be a failure, they decided “if we can’t have her, no one can.”

It’s really sick to know that, but with a crazy-ass community as the one the jujutsu world has… I really couldn’t think of anything else. I mean, the Kamo’s…

Anyways, I always wondered what it meant to be haunted in this universe. Once again, I don’t remember if it was ever mentioned/shown (outside of haunting places) so I had to exploit that to my advantage.

I know curses are seen by sorcerers, but I like to think that those powerful enough, maybe having a set goal/victim/target manage to become invisible to everyone but them—either by sheer determination or something lol. No, but really, that must depend on the level/power/talent of the sorcerer that begins the haunting as well as the curse, and if they’re really powerful they might be able to zero-in on their victim completely untraceable, God help if the person isn’t a sorcerer. Like, no one will be able to feel a curse is nearby.

Because it takes great skill (to pass undetected), only a handful can perform the ritual it takes to haunt someone, making it a dangerous practice. I’d like to believe it was eventually forbidden at one point, thus destroying all records showing how to do so.

And because I want to, there are levels of haunts too hehehe, here are the ones I can think of right now:

Those to harass. Self-explanatory, they’re just there to bother, and depending on the intention, they might hurt too.

Those to influence. Do someone else’s bidding, an additional voice for your conscience. The victim might think it’s them thinking such thoughts and enact them on their own within time. They’re fully conscious of what’s happening, might question if they truly want to do that, but they go through with it anyways.

Those to control. Take full control of their body and conscience. It’s the harsher one of the three to do (as well as difficult to trace), because its success greatly depends on the will of the victim. If the victim is strong-willed the haunt might take some time to work, if at all, and depending on the curse, it might find ways to debilitate them to ease their entrance. Once controlled, the victim will not remember anything that happened until after, rarely are they conscious during the act.

Minako was affected by the last one—however, it didn’t go as successfully as the perpetrator wanted because I like to imagine that since the OG rituals were wiped out, the only thing that managed to survive (if anything) were pieces here and there of information, leaving the rest to the imagination haha.

It’s why Minako was still able to fight it off a bit, and remember some things. But yeah, someone was intending to take control of her—and she was fighting that person (as shown by those allegedly senseless conversations) to stay away from her, but in the end she succumbed.

Omg I just thought… what if Minako, upon noticing the curse user’s intentions, decided to sabotage her body??????????????? Stop eating so they wouldn’t control her? Omg………………………………………………………………………………………………

But of course, the notes are here to give closure on some things, so… even with Minakos’ strong will, the curse managed to inflict enough damage on her, the result of those actions being the marks on across her body, setting her up to be controlled.

I gotta say, even though the L/N are absolute, always-wrong, pieces of poop, they did the right thing by “killing” Minako during this stage, because the next thing would’ve been the curse controlling her.

The rumor of them being the ones responsible of her death is nasty. But not so crazy, considering the elders really did not like Minako for something that wasn’t even her responsibility, but try convincing these “old-style” bastards out of it…

Writing this made me think of a question idk if anyone wondered lol considering these rituals were “banned” it would make sense someone would try to report them to HQ right? or if it’s something new, never-seen before… right?

Well, Eiichi tried, but without solid evidence, it could easily just be a rumor—and a waste of time/money to pursue. He was very angry with that, believe me, and scolded the elders for wasting an opportunity to prevent another family from suffering the same.

However, if they had been responsible of that… they obviously wouldn’t rat out the person that helped them.

Omg…. What if in the au where Toji takes Naoaki’s role or so, he was taking jobs on the side, shady ones, and he was actually involved in Minako’s death (to not say he was the one responsible)?????????????????????????????????????????????????? that might be the point where she starts to look at Naoya under a different light lol.

But yeah, going back to the actual story, gee, what an entanglement, truly. F the jujutsu community.

The following point is the deepening of the relationship of the main branch, a.k.a Eiichi, Minako, and all them kids.

I always envisioned all of the kids being super close to Minako, and not because they disliked Eiichi (he was a good dad—just… awkward lol. Uncool, and just how Posh Spice would say... yeah, poor Eiichi 😂. He’s definitely an avid practitioner of dad-jokes) but because his duties often kept them apart; he tried his best to be present, but it’s hard sometimes.

They all loved them kids tho, but because of particular reasons I will disclose later, that being now, Y/N was the favorite one. After Hinata and Ren filled the L/N clan’s expectations, it essentially allowed Y/N to have allot of free time with her parents, so they were able to dote on her more frequently.

It just made me wonder how much Y/N had to train in order to keep up with them (specially Hinata) since she wasn’t a priority when it came to her jujutsu education—I’m sure they all did what they could so she wouldn’t be left behind, but more likely than not she did lots of self-learning.

I really liked the opportunity this chapter gave me to deepen Ren’s, Hinata’s, and Eiichi’s motivations. I swear to God their subconscious took Y/N’s abducting as “yet again, another sorcerer (clan) trying to hurt our family”

Of course this was enough for them to snap, but they all reacted differently.

Because Eiichi felt completely alone without Minako, it was easier for him to be manipulated by the Zen’in (allegedly AHAHAH) and because they were so aggressive about it, he genuinely thought Y/N would be much better with them than him continuing to resist, so there’s that—but if it’s worth anything, he’s deeply regretful for having succumbed and there’s not a day where he doesn’t believe Minako is cursing him from heaven. Of course, those thoughts come more to him while he’s drunk, another consequence of having lost her. He was an occasional drinker, mostly social, but his grief certainly took him to that point.

Ren was probably the most aware one when his mom got sick, and thus, the one that probably felt the most responsible. Going on and on about how he was supposed to be a sorcerer, just a few years away from entering jujutsu high, and yet didn’t figure out his mother was being haunted/cursed. The guilt inside him was so big, he had to get out of the house as quickly as possible—one of the many reasons why he decided to study in Kyoto at first, only coming back later when he grew disappointed by the environment there (which just made him remember of the elders of his clan he hates so much) and missed his family, so he eventually returned. It was kind of a “well, if I’m going to be angry all the time, I’d rather be angry with my family around.”

Hinata also felt very, very guilty for what happened to Minako, mainly because of her cursed technique. She went through a phase of constantly demeaning herself, calling herself “inept” or “stupid” because her technique is supposed to protect the user/target from those kinds of attacks—this led her to become far more… involved/creative with her technique, trying to exploit her limits as much as she could to prevent something like this ever escaping her attention.

Y/N felt the most isolated, because she heavily relied on being with someone, (thanks to the elders being nasty with her ugh) you know? Someone to support her. The rest tend to deal with their own things by themselves, and while they still supported each other, it wasn’t the same. I guess that’s the reason why she was so excited to attend jujutsu high, only to be left virtually alone when the whole crisis thing happened and no new students were enrolling, worsening when Naoya decided to further isolate her from the rest of the world when marrying her. Her getting heavily attached to Naoaki, Mariya and the gang, Mai and Maki, shouldn’t be a surprise at this point. Specially Naoaki nnnhhhhggghhhhhh.

I know there were different expectations for this chapter, mainly because we’ve been desperately hoping for the moment Naoya and Y/N will finally talk lol. And I gotta say I might’ve disappointed some by how she essentially ran away… but I promise it will be worth it in the end lol Y/N running out on him like that is good I believe, cause she’s shocked that Naoya is actually capable of feeling anything else, but you know, pure evil.

These two chapters were mostly intended to show the human side of Naoya, Y/N’s reaction to it and just how similar their backgrounds were when it came to their mother's.... but with outcomes so different.

To give him emotions (and show how he handles them—terribly. I mean, he got sick!! HAHAH it’s like that one episode in atla where Zuko is good for the first time in his life and gets sick) and maybe deepen their relationship. It helps that Y/N is very empathetic to those around her… but it’ll be up to her and how he decides to act during this time if something happens between the two.

I gotta say, if I play my cards right, I think we’re like 3 chapters away from that one chapter I’VE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE FOR FOREVER I SWEAR ALL THIS SLOW BURN WILL BE WORTH IT. :> But until then…

Thank you so much for coming for a new update!!!! I know I’ve been taking quite the hiatus here and there, but it does not mean I don’t find importance in this fic, and the support you’ve given me 🥺❤️ Thank you so much for being patient with me! Can’t wait to show what’s coming next!!

As always, these are just important parts I remember as highly influential for the chapter, but if there's something you'd like to know more about don't hesitate to let me know!! I'll do my best to respond ❤️

Now, take care, have a wonderful week, and hope to see all of you soon!!

#thought series: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x your #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader

8 notes · View notes

patriciavetinari · 6 months

Text

Not saying anything new here, but liberals not seeing any other option for changing the government other than voting and calling representatives and, best case scenario, mass protesting is astounding.

The whole thing of voting for 99% Hitler vs 100% Hitler, or voting Hitler vs Mussolini and framing the entire thing 'if you don't vote blue it will also get bad for ME!!' which makes me think only of that tweet 'when things are not about me'.

And then when blogs more eloquent than me call their bullshit, they flood the notes with accusatory 'what ARE we supposed to do then??? WHO are we supposed to vote then?? Third party?? You, foreigner, tell us how to fix out country by doing something one day once in 4 years!!!'

And my favorite bit is 'so when does the revolution come??' which betrays their whole game of sitting down and waiting until a fitting Hero will pull a sword out of the stone and organize enough people to rise up. They fantasize that then it will be clear, like in a fucking star wars movie, who the goodies and the baddies are and they can finally join as a commune project manager and pat themselves on the back for having chosen the right side of history, only when it becomes childrens storybook simple to choose.

'What are we supposed to do then???' Study past revolutions and organize. Your goal is to destroy the government that you claim you understand is shitty. How many people do you realistically need for that? Hundred? Thousand? Hundred thousand? Yeah, find them then. Right now. The best time was ten years ago. Second best time is now. Organize for fucks sake. Take the fucking initiative and work on establishing a strong community with means and weapons and skills and morale to actually go through with something meaningful.

'But that's illegal??' - be gay, do crimes - so was that just a meme?

'But I might get arrested?' Yes. Support network helps with that.

'But I'm disabled/neurodivergent?' Find a way to help. If you have Internet to post on tumblr, you have Internet to organize a network of like minded people.

'But those people disagree with me on xyz and if 'queer' is slur? Also they're annoying dickheads?' Yes. You're going to have to organize with the people you might not like. You don't have to be friends or share every pinpoint opinion on everything ever.

'But I have a family to think of? And my cat?' Didn't you want to vote to make lives for your loved ones better? So do this instead for their sake. Do it for them. A small meaningfully engaged community will do more for your loved ones than a politician who doesn't know you exist and will not be pushed left.

'But I will be put on a radar, I will be labeled a terrorist!!' Yes you will be. Just like people you claim to be concerned for are. Deal. Support network helps with that.

'But I might get killed?!?!?!'

If you're willing to vote to support a genocide of other people in the name of love for your country, why are you personally not willing to die for the same cause?

#uspol #liberalism

4 notes · View notes

sarcastic-salem · 2 years

Text

I’m starting to gravitate AWAY from Heathenry because of all the shitty infighting.

Like why is there a fucking contest about whether Loki is queerer than Odin?!

Being queer is not a fucking contest. The whole fucking pantheon can be queer.

And tbh everyone keeps talking about Odin being genderqueer, but I only remember him taking a female form twice and once was probably to fuck Loki. Its like point taken — Odin did change genders. But the only other time I can think of is when he transformed into a woman to learn seidr from Frigg.

And its like, yeah, it happened but Odin only ever did it for his own gain. The only other times I know about him changing shape was to transform into a hotter dude to get ladies or to intimidate someone stronger than him. But Odin was definitely queer, I know that much.

And Loki was queer.

Why does it have to be a fucking contest?

And like half of Lokasenna is Loki calling out Odin on his own hypocrisy. Like they accused each of enjoying sex as a woman. They called out each other for practicing seidr.

Loki is not evil because he got into an argument with Odin.

Like they loved each other for a long time. They were best friends. Until Odin kidnapped Loki’s children. I’m pretty sure that’s when Loki started to lose his shit.

I am so fucking tired of all of the anti-science bullshit, of people trying to paint Loki as a man hating lesbian or a homophobic asshole, or Odin devotees coming like, “Well, Loki is bad cause he did this!”

Like have you read the fucking Eddas?🤨

THEY WERE BROTHERS!

They had a fight but Ragnarok is a cycle of change. You want life to change you need Ragnarok. Which is really a way of saying that if you want to get your life together, then you need evolve — CHANGE — into a better person and Loki is there to guide you through that.

Its fucking infuriating that newb Heathens are falling for Odinist bullshit, and blaming Lokeans for shit we aren’t responsible for and don’t even believe in.

Like jesus fucking christ, we’re just trying to deal with the shit in our own community. And there are so many Lokeans that also honor and worship Odin. So why the fuck are you starting shit with us?

We don’t care what you do as long as you’re not a Nazi asshole. Go home and do your thing. Buy your altar statues or whittle them, listen to some Enya, light a joint, drink some mead. And actually fucking research and fact check the shit you’re listening to on the internet instead of blaming people for no fucking reason.

And this shit is like 99% of the reason why the Heathen community is shrinking.

46 notes · View notes

malibubarbiesworld · 4 months

Note

A lot of people are laughing at the idea of her being pregnant and I know you don’t think they’ll have a baby together but I genuinely think that Chris is dumb enough to have a baby with her. He clearly has a track record of making poor life decisions and I wouldn’t put it past him to go and do something stupid like that. I also don’t think she would be against it because it could ensure he stays with her or she gets a fat monthly check. Its a win win for her. They whole situation is so dumb that I really wouldn’t be surprised if we got an announcement.

Because it is laughable. I’ve said multiple times that she’s to vain and immature and he’s not responsible enough to be a father. I’m 99% positive that Voldemort has stated before that she has no desire to have children. Not to mention that I think his whole spiel of even wanting a family is bullshit. That man doesn’t want kids because they would infringe on his lifestyle. He’s an over grown man child that needs to get his head out of his own ass.

There won’t be an announcement of any kind because at the end of the day this is textbook PR.

2 notes · View notes

mg549 · 1 year

Text

final post on the matter: the whole “good guy with a gun” argument is overdone nra bullshit like. do you seriously think theres no better way than to make it so EVERYONE can kill anyone at any time. instead of. making it so that... less people can shoot ppl. like. ppl pretending legislation will not fix anything are so ignorant imo like. the countries with established gun control laws:

like how can you be like it doesnt work. how do you explain other countries not having the same gun violence problems. how do you explain school shootings as an american phenom and be unable to correlate that to the fucking nra propaganda and legislation and bs lone ranger superhero individualistic culture. like the reason the propaganda works so well is bc they have the very easy to swallow message of “the world is scary and out to get you but if you have this gun you can save yourself and everyone and Be A True Hero” and in a time where ppl feel increasingly little control over their own lives it makes them feel important and revolutionary. even when in reality 99% of gun owners have never had to use their gun in a random situation. it also acts like the only way to stop someone with a gun is with another gun. which simply is just not the case. it also reveals such an underlying bloodlust ingrained from that conquistadoran colonizer mindset of “the world is mine and anyone against me is free game to kill”

and then theres the whole faux-leftist talking point thats been floating around lately like “gun control is just going to give the government all the guns and we’ll have nothing to defend ourselves with” like. 1. cops shoot ppl regardless of if they actually even have a gun or not. do you genuinely believe you’de have time to draw aim and fire before they react. and theyre already wearing bulletproof vests like. even if you did kill a cop youre going to jail forever after that youre not going to be the head of the glorious revolution like stop playing murder dressup pretend be real. and 2. the main point which is rly the most obvious answer. I AM ALSO FOR THE DEMILITARIZATION OF THE POLICE. i do not dream of violence!!! i do not want for blood!!! armed civilians are not going to lead to the cops getting LESS guns. LIKE.......... I DON’T THINK COPS SHOULD HAVE GUNS EITHER. WHY are some ppl’s takes so deeply ingrained in the idea that violence is not only necessary but should be actively pursued like. and none of them are actually organizing any revolutions either bc theyre all so wrapped up in their chosen one most communist twitter user ever fantasy. and when asked to defend their points theyre jst like “well im from the conservative south and-” and yeah me too bud. your experience was not universal. any actual counterpoints? how many dead children will you let there be or is it all just a “necessary sacrifice” to keep living your fantasy?

#my posts #guns+#gun violence+#mutuals can rb and reply/message or w/e but i dont want this post leaving my Circle since this post is full of Opinions alongside actual po #nts and therefore gun freaks would point out shit that they know i wasnt trying to say like generalization of progun ppl all points auto dq #unforch i do not have the reblog control feature for some reason i jst never got it on my tumb #edit found it on mobile lol

6 notes · View notes

jaynnie-jane · 7 months

Text

Full fucking circle.

I know I started watching crappy childhood fairy a while back and I also know I sent a message to him that was along the lines of "holy shit, apparently I did have a crappy childhood"… But amongst the bullshit I somehow forgot that realisation and fuck me do I feel like a dumb arse.

So, Crappy Childhood Fairy talks a LOT about C-PTSD. All this time I have been caught in this Narcissist pondering and she does this really great video on parallels between NPD and CPTSD. I'm watching it and nodding along and thinking yeah, that makes sense and something she said made me do a quick google search which brought me to this page:

And the following lines made my heart fall "This is the definition of trauma. The failure to integrate a disturbing event into your internal narrative of reality. It doesn’t matter if 99% of that reality is happy and supportive." "It’s cliché, but many people who experience childhood trauma have parents with their own unresolved childhood trauma. And if they’ve made it to adulthood without resolving that trauma, they had to find a way to live with it. One of the most common ways of coping with trauma long-term is denial… and when their children are upset, they teach them that denial."

Not only does that first part explain how I feel about watching the fights in my family it also explains why when Mum and I were filling out a form for me for my queried Autism thingo, that I had ZERO recollection of my behaviour during a repeated (I can't even ADMIT the next word!) traumatic event (like holy hell, with all my knowledge and understanding of psych stuff I can't even say to myself, yes that was traumatic yet if a friend told me about it I would say yes, that would probably be pretty traumatic!). She told me how as an 8 to 16 year old, I would ALWAYS seek out my brother (he's five years older) and console him and make sure he was okay and validate him and just be there for him. According to Mum, this would happen at least once a week. All I remember from those events is their basic format: My brother would do something dumb that dad would get annoyed with and dad would yell, mum would intervene. Then randomly a few days later dad would give my brother an insane task as punishment for the dumb thing. My brother would complete the insane task without complaint and mum would get shitty with dad for giving my brother the insane task. When I think about my childhood my brain tells me that happened maybe every six months and I only have snippets of memory from one of them. Thinking about it now, and witnessing my parents and their relationship over the last few years I KNOW that for two or three days a week I would have been able to -feel- that tension in the house. As a full grown adult with a bit more self awareness (I was going to say much more but apparently that isn't the case), I still feel that tension between my parents at times and it makes my skin crawl.

The second part of that is also devastating to me because I look at my mums childhood and think "holllyyyy heeeck!". She's never 'dealt' with it. I think it's only been the last five years that I have watched her become more aware. It's often only through me biting back when she tries to control the way I dress or the very harmless ways my dad copes with life that SHE has started to shift her mentality. It's been the strangest thing for me to watch my mum wear baggy clothing. I don't know if it's coincidental but I went off at her a while ago when she was being critical of how I was dressed. I said to her very plainly "Just stop. Stop trying to dictate how I should look just because you are so insecure about the way that YOU present to the world".

Even now, as an adult going through the year I have had, through no initial fault of my own, it's almost impossible for me to actually ask for help because every time I do my mum tries to use it as a teaching moment for her type of resilience which is "you gotta be able to do it on your own, don't rely on anyone, you just CAN NOT EVER become dependent on others".

As a result I think I ricochet between the two extremes. I DO become highly dependent on others because I don't seek help before I absolutely have to. Usually by that point, no one CAN help me.

And now I am just so heavily filled with regret over my relationship. We both asked impossible things of each other, hell I didn't even ask. I don't know if I didn't ask because I was afraid of being told no or to just "suck it up" or if it's because I, like my mother pride myself on fucking STRUGGLING with my mental health alone because no one has been able to help me. I have known for MONTHS that if Josh and I broke up I would regret it. I KNOW I am capable of so much more. I KNOW that with the right support and environment I could be unstoppable. I knew, in my gut that who he was asking me to be, for the most part is who I think I want to be any way. But every second spent in a relationship where what my partner needed, I was incapabale of providing; was destroying us both. I knew I was failing him again and again and I was so terrified I couldn't be what he wanted, the only thing I could focus on was that and trying to make that feeling of hopeless worthlessness go away. Because I was holding onto this all consuming panic and anxiety over not being good enough for my partner, I didn't have space to take on the anxiety and panic that I experience around work.

And I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. You were not stonewalling, you were just exhausted. You were not dismissing me you were just flooded. And both of our crappy coping skills that we have both tried so hard to unlearn kicked in. Neither of us could risk asking for what we truly needed because we knew the answer was some version of "I can't give you that".

I wish we had found a therapist 8 months ago. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Regret, despair, shame, grief, embarrassed, foolish, disconnected, heartbroken, self contempt and self betrayal.

3 notes · View notes

getawayheaven · 1 year

Text

Closeting

Most of the things written in cursive is said by @back-to-louis

Rebecca also says one can be, quote, “trapped in an abusive contract for life.” Still not seeing closeting. False premise.

So first thing first. I think you should make it clear first that you got over the delusion that life time contracts dosen't exist at all. Because you refused to believe it first and you wanted proof. So I am assuming that you now believe that life time contracts exist.

And in your bunch of debunks of clause I didn't found even a single debunk about image, morality clause or cleanliness clause??

Citation please? This segment is a bit of a word salad. You appear to be saying that because there’s a lot of money around Louis and Harry, someone (WHO? NAME A NAME) …. can do anything because they’re making money off of the image of Harry and Louis not being in a relationship.

Pls don't tell me that you actually think there's a single person behind everything and a NAME can be NAMED 😶

And after going through everything I can only conclude that you have so many misconceptions regarding closeting. But I would like to provide some debunks here first -

Lifetime contracts dosen't exist -

You were wrong. And just now you said "(quote me where I said lifetime contracts aren’t possible challenge)" I did quoted you in my previous post but I guess you didn't read it so here we go again . But then you said But I don’t believe that there are contracts holding people hostage for life. Where’s the proof that they have forced them to sign up for life on these contracts? You reblogged this, you supported this, you believe this and here is the proof that there are contracts that can trap a musician in an abusive contract for life.

Do I need to repeat it again? here - I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE CONTRACTS HOLDING PEOPLE HOSTAGE FOR LIFE.

2) "So, Rebecca Ferguson is talking about contracts, but not closeting. Very interesting. Almost like that’s what I say."

You are wrong again. Grooming 17 year old boys to remould their sexuality isn't closeting then I don't know what is. (Is it even legal?)

3) PR relationships don’t normally involve living together with dogs for years and years and being closely entwined with each other’s families. I think you are very much unaware of long term PR relationships. You call it PR but I call it bearding. Here is an example of long term bearding before the actor decided to come out, marry a man and have kids.

Why buy out access to people’s families, including children, to sustain this ruse? Over the course of YEARS?

TO HIDE SEXUALITY. And tell me you have never seen beards who have been there for years?

They were together for 12 whole years, on and off, she knew he was gay, Rebecca to Ricky was like Gala to Dali. Dali was never sexually attracted to women but he loved his wife.

4) Its not all this 100 percent fake bullshit that the larries claim PR relationships are. It doesn't come from some evil PR company overlord telling them they must date! Sure they might encourage it, but it's not forced by contract.

Again there is nothing that is not possible in this shit hole called music industry. Try to open your eyes.

'My whole life was managed down to the finest detail. Down to who I'm allowed to date. I'd be told off, I'd be shouted at if I was going out with someone, I'd get shouted at like I was a child...

5) Right, I think the most important thing to take away is that PR relationships aren’t forced, aren’t contracted, and don’t at all resemble the relationships that the members of 1D had, or have. I don’t know the statistics on PR relationships but even if 99% of short term relationships were for PR, long term relationships and marriages between celebs and civilians, and the children they have together, and commercial partnerships between mutual celebrity partners (which might exploit their PR, as is their choice, just like you said!) just… AREN’T.

They think they are FORCED PR relationships, which has NEVER happened in the history of Hollywood. Oh you have no idea how wrong this sentence is and you have been living in dark till now. and again it's not PR it's bearding.

I think you people need to read some HISTORY.

Again you call it PR but I call it bearding and here is how bearding can be forced to hide sexuality.

Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Taylor

The bedroom escapades of actress Barbara Stanwyck were the subject of rumors and conjecture. Although the actress had contracts with Warner Bros. and Columbia, she also worked for MGM. Robert Taylor had a contract with MGM. When it became clear that the stories of Stanwyck and her female lovers and Taylor and his male lovers were more than rumors, the MGM executives called them both in for a meeting. To preserve their careers and reputations, MGM ordered them to get married, which they did on May 13, 1939. At the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, Taylor refused to kiss Stanwyck and went home to his mother’s house for the night. X

Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli

Judy Garland’s husband and the father of her only child, Liza Minnelli, lived as an openly gay man in New York for a number of years before hitting it big in Hollywood. It was the restraints of Hollywood’s morality clauses that forced Minnelli back in the closet. Apparently, Garland was well-aware of his lifestyle when she married him and had a child with him. Years later, she encouraged her daughter to marry gay men, stating that they make the best husbands.

Bearding can't be forced? Think again.

And you can obviously come up with "Oh these are such old examples, the gay rights have improved so much, it dosen't happen how". Think AGAIN

It is more tough now.

6) No, in the sort of situation I described with the movie co-stars it wouldn’t be a contracted arrangement

Lots of what we see is artifice, orchestrated or embellished. But that doesn’t mean that EVERYTHING is shady or fake.

“Fake” PR relationships are usually just friendships or acquaintances that are spun as being more

And AGAIN because Larries have literally NO CLUE how PR works

LOL let's see who has no idea. You all sound like celebs are pure souls who are living highly authentic lives. In what world are you living in?

EDUCATE YOURSELF

There are contracts, agreements, clauses.

Some non-disclosure lines are built in to ‘as to what cannot be said and what needs to be said’, suggesting there could be a script if they were challenged by the public.

‘if it was truly an arranged relationship, sex wouldn’t come into it’.

‘It was a big publicity stunt. She would come pick me up – I don’t drive – I think she called the paparazzi too.

6) PR relationships don’t normally involve living together with dogs for years and years and being closely entwined with each other’s families

And yes, “fake” PR relationships happen between celebs, but not the kind of relationships that the Larries claim are rife in the entertainment industry. They think that women are hired to work for years as fake girlfriends, to live with their celeb boyfriends, to be maid-of-honour at their mother’s weddings, to fake pregnancies and even have babies. Which is flat-out f’kin’ ridiculous.

Oh but do you know what's the best way to dispel gay rumours?

This is Simon’s former publicist Max who passed away in prison in 2017. This documentary was published in 2002. Simon is the creator of The X Factor. He created One Direction and Fifth Harmony. They all had to (and still have to) follow the rules of these guys and their teams. Max worked for Simon and his artists until at least 2012. (He died in prison 2017.) Guess when all the fake girlfriend stuff started? End 2011/ begin 2012. He basically admit to do what Larries have been saying the whole time.

7) Once upon a time there was a very popular boyband with a gay member in it who were being abused by their contracts and worked nearly to death for very little money, while making millions and millions of money for their manager and record label. They BROKE THEIR CONTRACT and signed with another record label because they felt they were being abused. Do you know what happened to them?

Fortunately, I can tell you!

I don't understand how are you even comparing the two situations? This band, which was totally under another label, isn't even slightly related to 1D can get out of their contracts so you think that 1D can do it too? How? How do you know that both of the band had the same contracts, clauses and agreements? Nsync had proofs, they didn't had iron clad contracts, they made very little money, they switched to a different label and this is not the case with 1D at all. Rebecca was under the same label, same management, same year, same show, same producer and even she didn't had any clue that 1D signed such a abusive clause like cleanliness clause. So how can you even remotely compare NSYNC and 1D? Their situations are miles apart. What makes you say that it is this easy to break contract for 1D too?

And if you really want to compare, then let's talk about those artist who were abused by Sony and they ended up loosing everything.

George Michael - He sued Sony. Why? He called his situation "professional slavery" that left him little control over his own work and career. A 15-Year Contract. He wanted an out. He didn't wanted to work with Sony at all. He was trapped, unsatisfied and unhappy. But what happened? He lost. He lost the case. He lost his money. He lost his precious time. He lost his artistry.

If artists were given freedom to break their contracts and walk away after an album or two, the companies would no longer be able to afford to spend so much on new talent, Sony executives said.

"In fact, there is no such thing as resignation for an artist in the music industry," Mr. Michael said. "Effectively, you sign a piece of paper at the beginning of your career and you are expected to live with that decision, good or bad, for the rest of your professional life." X

I am not gonna repeat the whole thing because I am assuming you know the case. And you have said times and again that artist sue their labels and bosses if they have any problem and they DO NOT RESIGN or RENEW it again. But can you guess what happened in this case?

He recorded two albums under Virgin and In 2003, he signs a new contract with... Sony Records. His 2004 album, Patience, is released on the label; it proves to be his last, as he stops recording and dies in 2016. Why did he signed under Sony again if he was that frustrated with Sony's work ethics? The fight here was not with a single person but with a huge label, with the whole team. Then why he signed a contract again?

Do you know how his situation ended? In July 1995, Sony sold the contract to rival record companies Virgin Records and DreamWorks Records. Virgin granted worldwide rights when DreamWorks granted rights in the U.S. and Canada. All releases for these labels were co-labeled with Aegean Records, a record company owned by George Michael. He, eventually, returned to Sony Music in 2004, on which he released his final studio album, Patience. Additionally, in 2011, all his catalogue for Virgin and DreamWorks were reissued on Sony.

At the end every fucking work of his life was Sony's. The law said there was nothing illegal in his contract and he knew everything when he signed it hence there is no crime. Nothing like professional slavery.

Read every word of this article, I know you won't so I'll highlight the key points here -

“The people in the industry thought, ‘Of course he’s going to win.’ The contracts of the 1980s had been got rid of in the film industry in the 1950s so why were they still there in the 1980s? It’s the only industry on earth that has no free agency.”

"A label often wants an artist to continue to trade on their established brand with the public. But after “Faith” Michael was trying for a new direction, to be taken more seriously as an artist instead of just as a pop star sex symbol.”

it was a tough pill to swallow that the label was making more money off of him than he was making.

“As upsetting as it was, because it felt unfair, it [Michael’s record deal] wasn’t illegal,” Wagnon said. “It’s a similar situation to Kesha, in that the wrong done to her was arguably, according to Kesha, of a criminal nature, but it was not in breach of the contract she signed.”

“George Michael was a human laboratory for the power of the right of approval with respect to creative decisions and his contract that allowed anything he turned into Sony having to be in their view commercially satisfactory. Legally speaking Sony held all the cards.”

“He kept a brave face and made the best of it but it ruined his career,”

And oh my god let's talk about Kesha. What happened with Kesha. I hope I don't have to tell you the whole case. But you definitely know how it ended. She didn't had any creative control over her songs, she was forced to sing and not her professional but personal life was controlled too. She was forced to lose weight, she went through long-term emotional and psychological abuse involving fat-shaming, she was not credited even on the songs she sang, her voice was used but no credit and no money was given to her, she stated everything in her lawsuit and claimed alleged actions are a breach of contract, besides her sexual assault charges. But what happened? Her career came to a standstill, she lost all her money, she didn't even left with any funds to fight the legal battle, her career was ruined, court said that NOTHING ILLEGAL has happened and at the end she had to work under the same damn record label. X

And here too the fight was not with any one person, her lawsuit included the same allegations against Sony, she said that working with Sony is a risk to her life. Sony tried to conceal the information, but what happened? She's still not free. She doesn't have to directly work with Luke but she's bound indefinitely with him. He still till date is getting money from all her work, sony has still ties with him and Dr. Asshole Luke is still working and is very successful.

Kesha is working again, releasing music again but Luke and Sony is getting all the money.

Now you tell me, is it that easy to break free? At what cost would Harry and Louis break free. At losing all their money, all their success, all their years of hard work and sacrifice, and still they have no chance of getting free? What will happen? They will end up working with the same people anyway but after losing every fucking thing?

Is this better? Or what Harry and Louis doing is much better? They are playing by the rules, by the contracts, playing a public narrative, but being together secretly. Hence they are working hard, building up their own image and reputation, getting rich enough to fight the system and for fighting the system YOU HAVE TO A PART OF THE SHITTY STSTEM. Both Harry and Louis have been trying to build up their own production companies, especially Louis, he's trying dead hard to go independent, to build up his own label and management company, we know that, he even tried to launch some bands, but in the end he decided that all this needs more time.

The way Harry and Louis are doing things will end up getting them in a position where they can change the lives of many up coming artist, then why would they want to lose it all? And do they have any other option? Will they be able to break free even if they revolted against the system?

Now you tell me how it was so easy for NSYNC to get out of contract but not for George Michael and Kesha? You said that All they had to say was that they were mistreated and then detail that mistreatment. Then why Kesha and George can't get out of the contract with the same allegations? Is it really that easy? Now this is what you can't understand. There's difference in contracts, clauses and agreements.

8) Closeting - I can't believe that I have to prove here that contractual closeting exist but here you go.

You have said numerous times that closeting is illegal, and forced contractual closeting does not exist. The argument is that they were contractually forced to be closeted, but thus would be illegal and render the contract null and void (unlike the Dr. Luke case). The terms of such closeting would have to be explicitly spelled out in the contract, not merely covered by a general “morality clause.”

Well I have stated above that morality clause can even force people to get married but even keeping that aside, why haven't you discussed anything about cleanliness clause? Do you even know what cleanliness clause is?

Let me tell you.

While he's finally landed in a place where he feels comfortable speaking about his sexual past with close confidants, the singer didn't always feel that way. In fact, during his One Direction days, the bandmates had something called a 'cleanliness clause' baked into their contracts, which had strict stipulations about how they could and couldn't behave publicly and what they could and couldn't say in interviews. As the name suggests, anything explicitly sexual was off the table, and the mere hint of anything sexual threatened to jeopardise their squeaky-clean, boy band image. X

As Rebecca said, this is some level of control. According to this clause, the management team and label dictate HOW CAN THEY BEHAVE IN PUBLIC, WHAT CAN THEY SAY IN INTERVIEWS. This is fucking abusive and this should be illegal. How can your boss decide what you can say in public and how you can behave in public? This is some real control over his image and sexuality. This directly means that he has to play by the image that his team created for him. Anything said or done opposed to his public image created by the label would be a breach of contract.

And this clause if fully legal. 1D boys signed this when they had no idea what even cleanliness clause is.

Along with the constant probing into his personal life, Styles said he was instructed to behave in accordance to “cleanliness clauses.” The rules were embedded in contracts that he had to sign, which threatened consequences if he did not obey the rules. The restrictiveness of those agreements ultimately led Styles to be fearful of making mistakes during his most formative years. X

Harry says the entire ordeal left him feeling "terrified" over messing up or saying the wrong thing and "ashamed' about the details of his own sex life.

And this clause existed when Harry was portrayed as a womanizer, his portrayal of public image started with dating a woman who was 14 year older then him and he was merely 16, when he was papped going to Taylor's hotel late at night with an overnight bag, when young models was getting papped going to his hotel/apartment at night and then getting papped while coming out with disheveled hair in the morning, when zayn was accused of cheating Perrie and sleeping with other girls while being with her, when Louis was getting papped taking a new girl every single night to his hotel room, when Louis hooked up with a random girl he met at a bar got her pregnant, when Louis and Zayn's video of smoking weed came out, when Taylor was writing songs about how Harry was sleeping with other girls while being with her, while he was making out with half naked Kendall on yacht.

Where is the cleanliness clause then? Oh but wait. Nothing is against their build up public image here. They have to be young boys who fucks any girl they find and they are womanizers, right?

The tabloids had explicit headlines about his sex life, they were asked questions about their sex life in interviews, everyone knew who he was dating, when is he spending a night in taylor's hotel and when a model spent a night in his apartment, beacuse everything was papped, then why was he so terrified of everyone finding out who he was having sex with? What were his personal transgressions that made him burst into tears when he signed his solo contract?

Have you heard about cleanliness clause ever before? By any celebrity? By any musician? Did you knew that musicians have to sign such an abusive clause? Even Rebecca didn't knew it.

What would have happened if Harry refused to speak and behave in a certain way because of this clause? That would have been a breach of contract from his side. What would have happened if Harry would have taken this to court because he didn't wanted to behave in a certain way? Court would have dismissed this and Syco had the right to counter sue him.

That's what happened with George Michael, court said that he himself signed the contract in the first place, on his own free will, hence he knew what the contract carried, then how can he say now that he want to back out?

Same is Harry and Louis's case. They signed the contract on their own free will, hence they knew what was in the contract. Contract says that they agree to behave in a certain and speak what their team tells them to. Even if they want them to behave straight not gay. It was THEIR CHOICE in the first place, that's why they signed it. It was THEIR CHOICE to not to let people know their actual sexuality. They can't just suddenly change THEIR CHOICE and decide not to go with the PR strategies of their label. Then every other artist will change THEIR CHOICE to not to go by the signed contract and that's just not possible. This is closeting and this is not illegal.

And that's why a wise woman once said :

"Read your contracts. Up and down, left and right. Hire five different lawyers to read it for you if you have to, but read your f*cking contracts" - Lauren Jauregui

As stated in the George Michael article above "It is of criminal nature but it is not illegal"

9) I wanted to address this as the last point because what you said here was really really absurd. If they are…. why are they risking it all by giving out signs over the internet? Do you feel any connection, as the target of those signs, to the risk they might be undertaking to give you signs? Do you think about that at all when you discuss them in public forums?

Why is it such a bizarre idea to you that celebs gives hints to their fans about their work and even about their personal life? Have you never heard about this before? Let's take a simple example of Taylor Swift. She gives hints to her fans about her personal life all the time. Giving an small example here, she threw direct shade at her enemies in her work, like in music videos, pictures, tweets, insta posts, she threw shade at Kendall, Kanye, Katy, Karlie, Jake Gyllenhaal, all these people betrayed her in personal life and she used her work to threw shade at them and let people know about it. And her fans start throwing public hate comments on these celebs.

Do you think this is allowed by her label and her team? Why would they allow it when they perfectly know that Taylor can get in serious legal trouble for this? These celebs can file a libel case against her. It will be difficult for both Taylor and her label. Then why are they allowing it? Why is she risking it all by giving out signs over the internet? Do Swifties feel any connection, as the target of those signs, to the risk she might be undertaking to give them signs? Do Swifties think about that at all when they discuss them in public forums?

(For those who don't know Libel is a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person's reputation, exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or injures a person in his/her business or profession.)

Answer to all of this NO. Because there is no evident proof that Taylor shaded Kendall or Katy. She didn't took any direct names, she didn't directly used their photos, then what's the legal proof that Taylor shaded them? It is dead obvious to her fans that she's throwing shade at someone and everybody knows it, but even her team knows that fan theories proves nothing in reality and Taylor can continue doing this as much as she wants. It's like a connection between Taylor and her fans and nobody can pick it up as offensive.

Oh but wait nobody has ever given hints about their sexuality right? That's something very personal and nobody wants to discuss it with fans in this hints game right? Think again.

"I've hinted about my sexuality for years while being afraid to spell it out for everybody." she said. "I did a lyric video last year for 'We Belong.' It had moving line drawings of people falling in love… It was all a man and a woman making out, and it was a weird moment for me."

The star revealed she felt uncomfortable with the video showing only heterosexual couples. "It was so bizarre that I had to ask to mix in different orientations. People started asking for hints about the video, and I used different combinations of emoji couples making out.”

She wasn't able to come out, because of the fear of homophobic reactions and pressure of getting her career ended if fans didn't accepted her for who she was. She thought they will think that she lied for years. But no, fans caught her signs.

You have linked Lauren's reaction she was outed as bi because BECAUSE HER FANS THOUGHT SHE AND HER BANDMATE WERE SENDING THEM SIGNALS. But what about the other side where celebs wants us to catch hints?

Let me tell you first, that's how strongly and firmly you shut off the dating rumours, which Harry and Louis has never done, but Louis said PEOPLE CAN BELIVE WHAT THEY WANNA BELIEVE and Harry said I WOULD NEVER LIKE TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY ARE WRONG. And sometimes celebs need that support. Celebs give hints so that they can know that people will support them or not. When you are forced in a closet by a homophobic industry you sometimes become so afraid of people knowing who you actually are that you desperately just want everyone to catch on hints so that you can know if anyone will support you or not. Showing support is important.

"Whitney Houston was in a lesbian relationship with her assistant and friends believe coming out of the closet could have SAVED her life." “I really feel that if Robyn was accepted into Whitney’s life, Whitney would still be alive today,” Bobby Brown told Us Weekly.

Wentworth Miller ("Prison Break") admitted that he tried to commit suicide while struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. "I gave thousands of interviews. I had multiple opportunities to speak my truth, which is that I was gay, but I chose not to." In 2013 he came out.

Westlife's (A famous boyband) Mark Feehily said -

'I became depressed. People think, "Sure, he’s living the life of Riley in a massive band, how could he have any problems?" but there has to be a balance and back then my career life was fulfilled, but my personal life was a total shambles. His inability to be honest about his sexuality led Mark to feel there wasn't any point in life at times.

The bravest thing I’ve ever done is… come out as being gay. In hindsight it was brave because silly former me thought the reaction from everyone was going to be one of shock and disappointment.

Little did I know it would be the opposite.

If only they knew that they will get immense support even they came out the next moment. Hints are given because even artist knows that only fans who are playing close attention will catch on them and nobody will ever directly ask them about it. They do not owe fans any explanation or clarification for leaving hints. Nobody has asked Taylor about the shade thrown on other celebs.

10) Lastly I want to let you know this story.

First a set up by a label

HE DIDN'T WANTED TO DO IT. HE DIDN'T WANTED TO DO IT.

Second he SUGGESTED he's gay.

And boom third comes a fake engagement and a fake pregnancy.

Oh wait I totally for your questions about has anyone faked pregnancy before? Has anyone faked fatherhood before for SEVEN YAERS? Has anyone forged birth certificate and documents before? You are most welcome to read my babygate masterpost. X

@back-to-louis maybe this is not everything I wanted to cover, because I totally forgot to add how Zayn was able to leave. Because I think that's what you will ask next. But I might add it in the next post, as for sure you are gonna throw more questions now.

Adding this today just because I want everyone to laugh after reading this long ass post. LOL

19 notes · View notes