#This 'army' isn't even a joke anymore.

[stromuprisahat]

Siege and Storm- Chapter 17 (Leigh Bardugo)

This would've been a good tactics, if:

a.) Adrik weren't a child even by Grisha standards (and didn't speak as such).

b.) He were qualified to stay and fight.

Picture fully-trained adult asking to be allowed to join special operation he wasn't chosen for, but it is in his capabilities.

Ideas?

Like your orders are worth nothing and all they need to do to go around them, is a drop of stubborness to come back a week later?

Alina should back down the moment Nadia admits Adrik will do what he wants anyway. That's not soldier's behaviour. If he can't follow a simple order, he's unfit to actively serve in the army. And he sure as hell shouldn't be allowed anywhere near battlefield.

He acts like an unruly child, and that's how he should've been treated.

[berensteinsmonster]

TVOGXART corporation, what the heck is it (a master post)

(reblogs help my posts be seen :)

TVOGXART (The Vice Overruling Guardian Axis of Alliance Reverant Territories) corp. are globally known as being the best of the best when it comes to world development milestones that uses funds generated from each ministry's operations to make the world a better place. Most notable are its progress towards enviromental/land conservation. Even it's offices within the areas are built to accomodate for the land.

This however, is all a front. TVOG corp is a THE largest underground crime syndicate that currently rules over a majority of the entire world's fair trade market and societal operations.

They control the whole crime world, kind of like a pyramid of shady business chains, it all links back to The TVOG. They are a crime organization that literally organizes crime.

The Ministry of Order, ruled by Captain Bailfalse, is located where the GOVT (in the orignal thsc universe) stationed their army. Only this time, there are huge office buildings and foundations are built around the landscape of the tropical forest. Capt. Bailfalse may be a crime lord but he was very honest about actually conserving the enviroment. Though that virtue isn't shared amongst the other chairmen.

Btw on top of being a politely cold evil man ceo he is also VERY SILLY when being with his personal henchman, Charles Rebelivin... Who wishes his boss would act more serious whenever they're together

(More bios for each chairman (and Charles) below read more) (with art!!!)(cw. blood n eyes)

🎧Charles Rebelivin - Director in management (Ministry of Order)

"The first thing a new recruit at The Ministry of Order is told by other TVOG employees that they can always ask Mr. Rebelivin for help. The second thing theyre told is that they cannot always ask Mr. Rebelivin for bathroom breaks"

Color Motif: Primarily Red, with bits of The TVOG's turquoise green

To me, an opposite Charles Calvin is someone who just hates their fucking job lmao. This guy is not at all laid back, or enjoys jokes, or buffoonery. He has to be the one who schedules and organizes everything in the Ministry of Order so that operations run smoothly and cleanly as possible. He genuinely WANTS to be a good director for the employees. They know that too. Its just that he's learned to be better at controlling people rather than connecting with them. At the start of the hv au story, he's "content" being alone.

Charles R is 30 years old by the time the hv au takes place. He USED to be the youngest employee at the TVOGXART, but that was a title given to him like. 5+ years ago. He's been working here for a while, he doesn't care for it anymore and finds the title insulting. He expects the best from his employees. And expects the best from himself. Very loyal to his position as The Captain's henchman, and a complete workaholic. Could kill a guy if The Captain told him too, and his only form of questioning is asking how he shall do it. Acts as his guard dog that The Captain smothers, much to his annoyance. Je protects his boss regardless and scares the other chairmen. Is also very formal with titles, usually referring to people by their surname and position of power. Is prone to using terms such as "The Captain, captain, sir" when talking to Bailfalse. Has used words such as "Greatest" sarcastically, and "buddy, pal" passive agressively, usually on Henry V (though eventually, the whole buddy thing becomes genuine as they develop their friendship. Still going to be grump no matter what though but affectionate ok). Also expect to see less of greatest plan inverses, and more just so Charles learning how to be a decent friend within the Trio-V. It's awesome ghrhrg I can't wait to share them :)

👑Captain Hubert Bailfalse (Ministry of Order)

"A smooth talking salesman that has climbed up the social economic ladder to take control over all operations in the whole world. He believes in the value of good work ethic and polite ettiquettes."

Hedonist. Plant motif: venus flytrap

He's a silly guy I love him. He inverses Galeforce being serious but considerate and honest general, with Bailfalse being a relaxed but devious and convicing CEO. Though take note: he is the only chairman amongst the rest to not have come from a well-off or rich family.

He also doesn't carry Galeforce's trope of being a "father to his men." Sees his employees as expendable numbers. But not to the level of mistreatment like with the other charimen. He pays them, hes pateint, offers them dental plans, and makes sure they'll be able to perform efficiently for the whole period they work for him. And that's as much care as he's willing to put for anybody else other than pleassure for himself.

...Except for Charles. He cares alot for Charles. And he's not subtle about it too. As his personal henchman for the longest time, he's prone to using titles such as "My boy, Charlie, sport" when talking to him. Much to Charles' own annoyance. They're literally competent henchman + silly hammy villain (with a dose of terrifying if the situation came down to it). He likes to spoil the director with riches and gifts for all the work he's done for The TVOG, even though Charles doesn't want them.

He is married to Hans Nonayme and they are literalllyyyy evil old man yaoi. augh im obsessed with them. They nuzzle eachothers mustaches and it makes them smile :) Even in public. Which adds to Charles' embarrasment to have them as his bosses. He is also DIVORCED To Dr. Dimitri J. Pavlov. But I'll talk abt that another time.

👁️Chairman Hans Nonayme (Ministry of Privacy)

All-watching. Plant motif: Oriental Bittersweet

He manages the cameras. All of them. Everywhere, and all at once. He's very giddy about it and enjoys the surveliance he has over every part of the world. The Ministry of Privacy was meant to protect people's identities and personal information, and yet Hans knows a little too much about everybody, no matter who you ask about. I'm sure he has employees that also monitor the cameras, but rn I've mainly just been visualizing him doing it lone.

His cameras are meant to look like both flowers and the berries on a Orteinal Bittersweet vine, a type of invasive plant. These things are creeping EVERYWHERE in the hv au universe if you look for them. The Cowwoy Posse take great meassures to destroy the cameras if spotted. They don't make themselves known. However, if any TVOG employee (mainly Charles) sees them, their lenses blink rapidly in sucession. Which is Hans' own cheeky way of giggling at them. He does this in real life too with his own eyes. He's so weird, I love him alot.

He's actually based off this guy from the original THSC legacy edition. I always thought it was creepy how the GOVT had a whole spy camera inside of Stickmin's computer just watching his activity, and then had the guy stationed outside his home. I thought that was kinda interesting and just exaggerated his character from there. And made him gay and evil, cuz I can

💥Chairman Victoria Grin (Ministry of Peace)

Violent. Plant motif: Lily of The Valley

Oh she's messed up in the head. I like to believe that Victoria Grit is, while rough and tempered, is at least not malevolent and going out of her way to cause pure violence like Victoria Grin does. So there's that. Grin is also completely unreasoanble and pretty immature. The chairman also dreses very fancy but isn't afraid to throw herself into a fight if she's bored with all the meeting and agreements and treaties she has to do amongst the other crime syndicates and blah blah blah SHES BOREDD she wants to pull out her Peacemaker (A giant Fucking bazooka) and threaten people to sign their names on the forms already so she can go back to the more action stuff like beating up those pesky goody two-shoes cowboys getting on her nerves.

Hubert can't stand how immpatient and unnessarily blood thirsty she can be, though admires her for at least being able to establish the connections The TVOG has with other factions, both in crime related operations or just regular business stuff. It helps to strengthen the grasp they have over the world. Known as "Vicky" amongst the other chairmen. She likes to kiss Hydia Stash, and are evil little girlfriends together. She makes jokes about swinging with Hershell Proctor's wife Mrs. Proctor to peeve him. And she loves bullying HJ Carterbunny

🐇Chairman H.J Carterbunny (Ministry of Security)

Cowardly. Plant motif: Jumping Cactus

To say he's in charge of the Ministry of Security would be putting his leadership skills too high of a pedestal.

Hj is so pathetic. so very very pathetic. He is scared at the slightest things and his immediate instinct is to run away as far from the danger and wait until its gone. Or barricade himself somewhere. Which is why he's so efficient at the Ministry of Security, he's really just listing all the worst case scenario someone could break in. And his employees, while very tired and skeptical, add it anyways. Most of the time he doesnt trust that they did it well enough and try to add MORE security protocols, which only make them weaker as a whole.

If their defences are breached, Hj just ditches his employees to self-preserve himself, and puts the failure on them before taking responsibility as their chairman. He never considers himself as a a factor for his hubris. And so they all hate Hj in their own little ways <3 because he self sabotages their work and also because he regularly abandons them if they get attacked.

Just to ramble: One time Regal Bronzeage, local superhero, managed to fight all five of the employees all at once. And when he was ready to fight their chairman, he found that the guy had already left. not even in like a vechile he's just hiding in a tiny supply closet hoping nobody finds him

He has a brother who works in the Police Force Enforcement Force, Warden Roland Carterbunny. Roland is probably the one who made Hj so paranoid in the first place, and his psyche just got worse from there. He got bullied alot by him when they were kids, and Hj is the eldest one here. He might not even be that old, it's just that he was stressed so fucking much that all his hair turned grey when he turned 20.

Just to ramble: Dr Dimitri honestly pities the guy, even though he's literally a TVOG chairman. He just wants to sit this guy down and go into detail on how to properly handle his over abundance of anxiety. Cuz all day all the time none of the chairmen or most of his own employees (Aside form Gordon) care enough to actually handle his stress in a healthy sort of way. But he'll never get the chance because they're on opposing sides, and Hj doesn't trust anyone enough to let them do anything to him.

He could have turned out pretty fine, if still riddled with anxiety like everybody else. If it weren't for the literal fact that all his colleages are TERRIBLE and his own brother being absolutely terrible to him, whether enabling or belitting him.

💸Chairman Hydia Stash (Ministry of Wealth)

Greedy. Plant motif: Sun Pitcher Plant

She loves being rich. That's it. That's the whole bio.

Jk, she takes it to the extreme. It doesn't matter what she has in her vaults, whether it be dollars, gold coins, gems even. It's not enough. She needs, MORE valauble things. And I'm talking the most insanely scalped items. Beanie babies, Funko pops, houses, land. She needs EVERYTHING.

The Ministry of Wealth is actually meant to help distribute funds across all operations, both inside The TVOG and to other affilated factions. They also work to account for funds and general ledging of their budget. Her plant motif of a pitcher plant symbolizes how ever consuming she can be.

Hydia is the worst to have as a chairman honestly. Cannot be expected to always pay her employees. She's quick to irritate and quicker to throw a tantrum about it. She also likes kissing Victoria.

In the hv au lore, Reginald Bronzepants is a journalist for the Cowwoy Posse who worked with Lt. HRM to help publish their investigations together, busting various crime syndicates. And well, everything links back to The TVOG. Hydia HATED this drop in revenue she was losing (it was 15 dollars) from her billion dollar generating Ministry. And so, without The Captain's permission, she enacts an unauthorized assassination of Reginald Bronzepants. Just to ease her worries. Surely this won't bite her in the ass later. Surely he won't come back as an electricity-wielding, local superhero, will he?

🧠Chairman Hershell Proctor (Ministry of Education)

Dismissive. Plant motif: Psilocybin mushrooms

Ok to explain real quick, I inversed Hershell Panzer's roll of being a brute so that Hershell Proctor could be the brains. He has thrown himself into every field of study imaginable and has excelled in every course, which in his (super huge) mind, makes him a well respectable genius. He's firm in his belief that his intelligence makes him better than everybody else. He doesn't do anything to share his knowledge or teach them to others, he wants to hoard it for himself. No one else is allowed to be as smart as him

Oh, but don't think that being an iverse for physical strength automatically makes him weaker. What he lacks in any arm and torso muscles, he has an inner working system in his brain full of so many studies and so many wrinkles. I won't explain the full extent of his mental powers, but just know that it does involve psychic abilities :)

The Ministry of Education controls the information that's permitted to be shared across the world. There's some information that The TVOG keep hidden (sometimes their own secrets or an external entity) inside the Ministry of Education's archives, guarded by Dave Pampalooza. They front as an education system that protects the sacrecy of accessible knowledge.

Does not have the best relationship with his family. And has so much seething rage towards what Hubert has and what he doesn't. Caused a certain.....incident, to prove he's the smartest of all.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Jefferson Mythsonian

"No one really knows if he exists" Rules Division 17 of the TVOG, has some really terrible handwriting

Carterbunny's bodyguards - and only employees (Ministry of Security)

Chrm. Carterbunny only has 5 employees cuz if he has to maange more than 5 he Gets Scared. They ensure all TVOG owned and affiliated security protocals are working as intended. Current members are: John Skimmilk (codename: The Fly), Gordon Debunks (codename: The Urchin), Amelia Estefort (codename: The Jellyfish), Amelia Estefort (codename: The Jellyfish), Cece Teevee (codename: The Lizard), & Kayn East (codename: The Rat) - Will be talked about in seperate post (They are the HV AU equivalent ot the squad Stickmin has in MBH)

Scott McCoolsvile - Tax accountant (Ministry of Wealth)

Coolest fucking guy here. He's so awesome and the best at his job. He helps his fellow colleages in his office and the employees over at Ministry of Order whenever he visits. Everyone cheers and claps when he visits. They all love him and says he has the best name (Not Charles R though, he hates that guy. Totally). He works in accounting

--BTW girl pictured with ponytail and cardigan judging Hydia is my friend's oc Jynx (more art) @digital-roots (they/them) GO EHM check it out too Jynx is sooo swag i love her concept and I love her character alot.

The scene is based off this interaction we had.

Capt. Bailfalse's personal henchmen (The Trio-V: Ministry of Order)

"Consisting of one puppeteer, one emo, and one grump, these three are usually sent for very important missions only. And depending on how well they cooperate, may be able to finish them."

The Trio-V of: Henry Ventriloquest, Rose Ellisha, and Charles Rebelivin. - Will be talked about in seperate post

Johnny Proctor (Police Force Enforcement Force)

Has seen better days when his friends Dave Pampalooza and Rupert Phred were still around. After Dave was sent to the Ministry of Education to work as a TVOG employee, and Rupert quitting a week later, a certain.....Incident. Happened. The Pampalooza Incident involving new re-education methods with Hershell Proctor. Johnny has cut off all contact with his father after that. - Will be talked about in seperate post

If you have questions uhm. feel free to leave them in my ask box :) i love talking about my hv au. Thank you for reading

[chaifootsteps]

Stolas Project/Stolas rewrite anon again! Thank you so much - yes, I'll absolutely share my rewrite idea with you! Here it is:

Firstly, I think everything but the sexual abuse and childhood friends can be salvaged - the grimoire, Stella, Via, etc. A rewrite where Stolas TRULY did nothing wrong is just bland, after all. Especially as by 'tragic operatic figure', I mean characters such as the Phantom of the Opera, or Mr. Darcy. Those are men who are CERTAINLY not without fault.

In my mind, the best version of Stolas is an old man - an aloof, intimidating noble known for his personal army and his scientific brilliance. He's a bit mysterious; preferring to keep to himself and his studies. Gossip calls him 'the Hermit', 'the Astronomer', or 'the Scientist'. He loves to insert himself into mortal scientific debate, often being a 'spark of brilliance' in fellow eccentrics, or, more commonly, talent-less hacks that will only serve to spread misinformation and discourse. He's been playing the climate change game for years. NFTs were a joke made while drunk off his arse.

This would be how he's introduced - the frightening, eccentric general who keeps to himself and who rewrites the Truth based on his own hypothesis.

His isolation runs deeper than disinterest or scientific pursuit, though. Stolas is, in truth, a bleeding heart. Obviously, bleeding heart means something different for demons - he's still sadistic and likes sowing intellectual discourse, but there's a dignity to that in his eyes. The no-holds-barred, knives-out culture of his fellow nobles makes him deeply uncomfortable. Whilst he's prejudiced, the outright hostility towards imps makes his stomach churn. Science is easy because facts don't have feelings, but social gatherings do. Humans can't defame him in a way that matters.

Stolas has a reputation he's expected to uphold, and he feels as if playing socialite game or even appearing to the public at all will spell his doom. He just isn't confident in swaying the public as he is studying black holes or teaching Via how to command her father's army. He adores her, and he's terrified of what he may put her through if he makes a mistake.

This can partly be that, perhaps, Paimon is still Stolas's father and still far meaner than Stolas could ever hope to be. All the expectations of hell royalty - the cruelty, the meddling, the pleasure - all planted by his father. The rest of hell is presented as a frightening enemy, which encourages Stolas to sequester away. His army was passed down from his father, and he rarely uses it. This relationship could create a theme in children feeling unloved by their parents in Stolas that I'll elaborate on later with Via.

Combine all these aspects together, Stolas feels trapped. Trapped in his research, trapped in the bodies of tech bros and tiktok witches he peers through, trapped in his marriage, trapped by his father, trapped in his status. The shy rich scientist grows dissatisfied with expectations and with comfort. He craves freedom.

Stella isn't just an evil woman who exists to torment Stolas anymore. Their marriage IS arranged, and loveless. However I think they have a sort of Fredrick the Great and Catherine the Great dynamic - they don't have any love for eachother, but they don't want to make eachother miserable. Stella is sympathetic to his plight - she too is stern and aloof, but because she feels forced to to protect herself. She's the face of the family, and is used to playing defense. Being a woman in hell, more eyes are on her by default. Her life has been decided for her, and she has a role to play. For the sake of herself, for the sake of him, and for the sake of their daughter.

They would both do anything for Via. Via doesn't make them love eachother, but she makes them stay together to raise her. Via is aware of this, deep down, regardless of whether she catches her parents admitting it or not. Their lack of love, but persistent solidarity makes that palpable. Via grows up with the burden that stability rests on her, that love does not exist without her.

So Stolas and Stella agree - they don't have to like each-other, but they need to trust each-other for Via's sake. So long as they can be loyal, at least, they can go on and spend their lives doing their own thing. They won't interfere with eachother, won't demand anything of each other. They just need to be loyal to eachother. Stella never strays.

At first, neither does Stolas.

Blitzo trying to stealth into the party is their first meeting. Instead of taking him to his chambers to ""ravish"" him, Stolas is genuinely just looking to interrogate this most fascinating and audacious imp. Blitzo tries to seduce him, and Stolas actually rebukes the attempts. By the devil's footprints, he's a married man! What's wrong with this mongrel? The audacity! He smooths out his feathers, which have definitely only fluffed due to rage. On top of that, he catches on that Blitzo is trying to steal one of his tomes. This leads to a boiling point, and...

...The grimoire.

Rather than a plot device, the grimoire can be more symbolic to the give-and-take; the relative freedom they both feel in their relationship. I think there is real potential for exploring a forbidden gay yearning romance with real power imbalance at play, just without the rape shit. The grimoire could be a good representation of that, and its symbology relevant to their relationship can be based on how it's shared between them. I can see its relevance be handled several ways: a) A pact. Most like canon as far as I know. HOWEVER, there is no sexual favor coercion bullshit. it's strictly a business deal/typical devil pact. Blitzo's desperation and hubris have bungled his introduction to Stolas so badly that he's drawn the Hermit's attention. He can have his grimoire, but he must bring it back to Stolas and must consider himself as one of Stolas's legionnaires. While Blitzo can't really say no, having pissed off a demonic prince, it isn't for sexual coercion and neither consider themselves to have legitimate romantic or sexual feelings for eachother. That's a slowburn, stemming from Stolas's fascination for Blitzo's free spirit and Blitzo discovering Stolas's gentle, socially awkward science nerd side. Also creates a jumping board for episodes where IMP runs tasks for Stolas and it's more like watching a Batman episode from the perspective of Joker's goons.

b) A gift with strings attached. Instead of getting angry, Stolas becomes pitying of Blitzo. He offers the grimoire as a "kindness" (though with an air of condescension against imps that makes Blitzo uneasy) instead of a punishing pact, but still has Blitzo agree to bring the book back to him and to be willing to act as Stolas's dagger in the shadows should he demand it.

From there, their relationship becomes defined as an uneasy business truce. In my mind, Stolitz would work best as two people trying to seek freedom, potentially finding it in eachother, but their relationship is affected by the same metaphorical shackles they're trying to escape from - for Blitzo far more than Stolas. Even without any of the SA bullshit, Stolas still has a lot of power in this dynamic, even if he's well-meaning. But Stolas is a deeply repressed man, and Blitzo represents that running away, that freedom he's been looking for. But he's also a reminder of what he has to lose, should he give into temptation.

Stolas's kidnapping can be a turning point (instead of kidnapped by his wife and Striker, a character whose service to Stella butchers that character in his own right, perhaps he's kidnapped by a rival noble or by that weird mafia I know jackshit about), and in their business dealings they have lots of little moments of vulnerability that pile up. Stolas shows Blitzo his research as Blitzo is turning in a hit, Stolas starts helping Blitzo's business stay afloat in ways WITH no strings attached, etc. Look My Way happens during Stolas's moment of realization that he does have feelings for Blitzo, the audacious, free-spirited little imp that dared to steal from the Hermit.

I think we can keep his gag of terrifying, lust-filled speeches too - just have them be during moments of consent instead of unprompted sexual harassment. Stolas finally crumbles and begins admitting what he wants to do with Blitzo, and it snowballs into a rabid tirade that marks Blitzo down as scared and horny. It makes their confession and move into something like lovers exciting, intense, and silly, and it devolves into a night of passion. For a moment, they're both free.

But he experiences REAL consequences for his infidelity, with no 'oh poor baby Stolas' rigamarole. Stella is rightfully furious at him. The ONE thing they agreed to, and he couldn't even uphold that. She is devastated, and for once in her life is sided with. I don't think anyone besides her cares about the morality of cheating all that much, it's more-so about the tarnished status and the fact he couldn't even get away with it. Still, the family name is ruined and he loses MANY comforts in the divorce, including his daughter.

But more than that, his relationship with Via will never be the same. You can still have episodes where Via tries to bond with him, but Stolas committed (and by virtue of being with Blitzo, continues to commit) the sort of betrayal that never really gets healed by time. In her eyes, her father finally got sick of playing house and abandoned her for a new family that she never even met. She feels failed and replaced.

From there, you can have an arc of Stolas trying to adjust after the fallout of his infidelity, and can have Blitzo closing himself off from their messy intimacy (rather than trying to escape a sexually abusive relationship). Stuff like that.

That's my take on a better Stolas. Hope you enjoyed reading!

Holy hell, I was on the edge of my seat all throughout this! This was sublime.

Thank you for that five minute vacation to a better word.

[spacebarbarianweird]

headcanons or one-shot (pick your poison!) of astarion and gn!tav celebrating midwinter/winter solstice together? technically, it does exist as a holiday in the forgotten realms! blessed yule as well! :D

I suppose this prompt can't wait forever so here we are. A short fluffy drabble.

Prompt ✶New Beginnings✶ for BG3 Winter Holiday Challenge

Thanks @bhaalbaaby for beta-reading! Especially for re-writing some sentences!

I fucked a bit and didn't notice the requester asked specifically for gn!reader and did f!reader as usual. So, this one is f!reader and I will do gn! later

Winter Solstice

Synopsis: Astarion and Tav spend Winter Solstice in the northern town of Firesheer, and the subject of marriage comes up.

Tags: fluff, comfort

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

You are freezing.

You've never been so far to the north, and you have never understood why people were afraid of winters.

Now, you do.

It's Nightal, 20. The longest night of the year. And probably the coldest, because the only thing you can think of, is how to get inside the inn and hide under fur blankets.

Till snow melts.

You look around. People of Firesheer are festive as if the cold doesn't bother them. They sing and dance, resting after months of hard work in the mines.

You put your hand inside the pockets of your traveler fur coat, golden coins jingling in the pockets. The only redeemable quality about this frozen hell is the danger always lurking. The city is always under attack: orcs, crag cats, giants. Though citizens have their army, they don't mind paying adventurers rather than risking their own people.

"Bracelets! Rings! Necklaces! All of the finest copper and silver!" A dwarf shows you his goods, "Take a look, traveler!"

You look disinterested as you take a look at the jewelry, shrugging at the selection.. You can wear silver things, but Astarion won't talk to you anymore if you put on something like that. Meanwhile copper... He would find it dull.

"No, not interested."

"This is copper of the best quality! Will last for generations!"

You chuckle. There is a very popular joke about things made by dwarves. They think humans are dumb to buy something that lasts only for four generations. Forgetting that the human generation lasts less than a century.

"Look at these bronze rings. They are engraved with protective runes!"

The ring is simple. but there is something elegant, something powerful about it. You look at the runes - "protection", "love", and "safety".

"I will take this one", you say.

"Oh no," the dwarf laughs. "This is a wedding ring, you need two. Unless there are more people involved."

And before you manage to object, both rings are placed in your palm.

And why in nine hells did you decide to buy them?

You've never discussed marriage with Astarion. Boundaries? Traumas? Feelings? Yes. Sometimes, you talk about the future. But such things as marriage never came to your mind.

You have no idea what he thinks about it. You have no idea what you think about it.

But now you have two wedding rings in your pocket. Dwarven bronze will last for centuries.

You look around, trying to notice the familiar silver curls. Astarion has gone to see the ocean at sunset, and you agreed to meet in the city at midnight.

“Darling, there is something utterly nightmarish about a dark cold ocean."

You refused to go. Astarion is already dead - he can even swim there if he desires (the ocean isn't running water, so he will be fine). You, on the other hand, want to keep this heart beating.

Suddenly, a drunk man blocks your way.

"Leave me alone," you mutter, putting a hand on your dagger hidden below the cloak.

"Why is a beautiful woman alone? It's a sin to be on your own at the Winter Solstice."

You step back. The man is much bigger than you, but he can barely stand on his feet. If you were out of the city, you could snatch your dagger - but within the walls, fighting isn't wise.

"So, what d'ya think, pretty girl?" he reaches out for your chin, but before his dirty hand touches your skin, the man is pulled away from you.

"Hands away from my wife", Astarion hisses. "Or I will turn you inside out and feed the crag cats!"

The man recoils. "I-I beg your pardon, didn't know she is... taken."

"Fuck off," Astarion is quiet, but you know - one false move and the vampire will rip his throat.

The man stumbles and walks away as fast as he can. “Thanks”, you mutter, still feeling scared. "How was the ocean?"

"Dark. Cold. Frightening," He wraps his hand around your waist and tugs you closer. There is something possessive in this gesture. You don't mind. "Come on, we have the longest night ahead!"

You shiver.  Night plans are set in stone. Astarion cherishes the nights when he can walk freely and see the world not hiding in shadows, and he rarely wants to walk alone. Besides, you already abandoned him when he went to the seashore. You can't leave him alone again for the rest of the night.

You walk through the city square. The songs are loud and lively, and the festive mood warms you up. Or maybe this is Astarion's presence. You plant a kiss on his cheek and notice he stiffens.

"Let's go somewhere less crowded," you suggest.

Maybe he is afraid people will notice he is a vampire. Maybe big crowds remind him of his hunting spots - who knows how many drunk idiots he would drag to their deaths during the same festivals. 

You walk together in silence until the houses disappear. The winds howl like hungry wolves. The snow reaches up to your ankles.

Astarion kneels and you notice he tries to make a snowball but the snow crumbles in his hands.

"I see what you are doing," You say, "Don't you dare"

"I was just touching snow," He smiles innocently.

You put your hands deeper into the pockets and feel the bronze rings. Wedding rings.

"When that man approached me, you called me your wife."

Astarion turns away as if trying to see something in the distance. "Never mind, just slipped off my tongue."

"Why did you call me that?"

"I am sorry to have offended you with such vulgar words."

"That’s not what I mean. Just weird, considering we have never officiated anything."

"Do you want me to kidnap a cleric and make him marry us? I don't know... I just... " he sighs. "We sleep together. You care about me, and I care about you. I want to be with you until your mortal days are over or until I am killed by some monster hunter."

"And how long have you seen me as your wife?"

He shrugs. "The night in the graveyard, when I realized I'd never truly experienced real lovemaking? When you found me in that cellar, hiding from the sun, and kissed away my fears and pain? One of those nights when I woke you up, screaming, and you held me until the nightmare finally let me go? What about you? Have you ever thought about me as your husband?"

"I mentally married you when you tried to slice my throat. But, I realized you were mine when I noticed you standing between me and danger for the first time,” You say, stepping closer to your love. 

“So, what now?" he asks.

You grin, playfully pushing Astarion into the snow. He either expects that or simply decides to play along.

You straddle Astarion, taking in his expression. He smiles - a very rare joyful smile when he doesn't try to pretend or to laugh things away. It's the real him you saw for the first time on his grave. It's the real him you see in the darkness of the tent when he thinks you are still asleep. The real him who somehow survived his own death.

"What are you up to, little pet?" he grins.

You snatch the rings from your pocket, quickly taking his left hand.

"Will you marry me?" 

You wait for his reaction. Sometimes even the most sincere forms of affection cause him mental pain, and he locks himself inside the shell. Once, he couldn't bring himself to talk to you because you tried to force him to stay inside the tent during a snowstorm.

Maybe it's too much, you think, ready to let him go. It's not like he doesn't like being dominated by you, but it depends on his mood.

"How could I say no?" He grins, allowing you to put the ring on.

You giggle like a little girl, leaning down to kiss him.

"There is supposed to be a second one," He notices when you pull away.

You give him the other ring, and he graciously takes your hand. Before putting the ring on it, he kisses your wrist and pierces it a bit with his fangs.

You sit like that for a while, looking at each other. Gods, does he even know how truly beautiful he is?

Your love. Your man. Your husband.

The winds howl again, and you shiver.

"Seldarine. Why didn't you tell me you are so cold?"

"Didn't want to ruin the longest night for you."

"Really? So you decided to ruin the next two weeks for me because you will get sick, and I will have to take care of you?” he chuckles. “Besides, we are married now, and I don't have any excuse to leave you!"

 "Oh, I would never think I was such a burden to my husband!" you pout.

The next moment you are in his hands. You love being carried like that, especially knowing you are weightless to him.

"You are the most insufferable sweet burden I've ever wished to have, my little wife," he kisses you. "I suggest we return to the inn and consummate our marriage."

You giggle again and wrap your hands around his neck.

"As long as you offer me a hot bath as a wedding gift."

"It absolutely can be arranged, my dear!" 

--

Nightal ("The Drowing Dawn") - the last month of the year. Winter Soltice is celebrated on Nightal, 20.

Firesheer - a mining city in the Frozenfar in northwest Faerûn

Seldarine (Elven) - Gods

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @astarion-beloved @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati

[ideas-scattered-dreams]

My THRONE. My RULE.

fandoms : genshin impact AU: imposter au

IMAGINE THAT...

You sat on your throne a fist on your cheek and a lazy look displayed on your gorgeous face. you look down to your loyal acolytes .. they had their heads down in shame. shame, shame, shame. these loyal acolytes of yours are now begging for forgiveness. why..? isn't it their own fault for not knowing u were the real creator? isn't it their fault for not recognizing the false one? weren't they LOYAL and FAITHFUL to you? or are u just a JOKE! Those days u ran to not get killed by the Favonius knights, those milleths, the shogun's army and many many more acolytes that volunteered.. the days you were injured by swords, arrows, hurtful comments, the npcs hitting u with damn rocks... the only thing u luckily got yourself to be in your rightful throne is that u cut yourself Infront of them, gold and starry blood oozed out of your arm. then panic! Recalling those disgusting memories made you enraged. after all that, they confidently BEG for forgiveness.... the trauma u received... is unforgivable. you clenched your eyes shut, teeth clenched together, fist clenched tightly.. you felt sick just looking at these damn monsters that almost killed you, u felt utterly disgusted. Nahida was besides you, she looked at your shaken form and softly held your hand to calm you... you looked at her and smiled. but in the end you had someone here that actually believed you when u both first met. Afterall she was the archon of wisdom. You sat up, anger visible to see from the window of your soul, you knew u weren't gonna forgive these dumb monsters. why should you? would you really forgive the ones that gave you blunt and unforgiving trauma? its like forgiving the one that killed you so easily so... agh! You walked down the stairs, towards the archons infront. you lifted their chin, looking dead on the eyes of this pathetic and naïve archon. "your grace... please we beg of your--" snap! you punched it. you punched this archon infront of u. "y-your grace!" you kept going. to the left to the right, you kept punching it. kept going until it was black and blue. something u cant even recognized anymore. you didn't care, you didn't care anymore, this isn't even half of the things they have done to you! None of the archons besides it even batted an eye, they still had their head bowed so lowly.. oh how they wished to be in their fellow archons place.. after it stopped moving u laughed, laughed filled with pain and unsatisfied hunger. it felt amazing, you felt amazing punching the fuck out of this bug. You sat up, smiling down at your creation. you wanted more. you wanted to show these damn monsters how you FELT in those damn days that felt like years. you were sure that this will make u the horrible one but u didnt care. giving the things that happened to u is the right thing isnt it? karma bounces back.

You aren't the villain, you are just a victim.. oh how u wish this dream doesnt end...

A/N: omg omg, its been like 1 month since i last posted? dont know, it was a hectic week, exams were buzzing in, i got accused on cheating, school got suspended bc there was a weirdo infront of our school gates whistling at the poor girls, almost got involved into a car accident too! but anyways, i think ill be updating more? or just some days where my brain gives me ideas.

[just-late-roman-republic-things]

The methods Augustus used to secure his grip on power (and avoid getting stabbed like Julius Caesar), according to Mary Beard:

Ensuring loyalty of the military. Augustus reworked the army's pay and pension system to align their interests with serving the emperor, rather than their field commander. He also avoided letting generals outside of his family hold commands for too long in the same area, to prevent them from building up a following like Caesar and Pompey had, and he phased out triumphs, so they wouldn't get as much public attention.

Strengthening the Senate...sort of. He made senatorial decrees law (rather than merely advisory), included roles for senators in the fledgling imperial bureaucracy, and made senatorial status hereditary. This last bit meant senatorial families no longer had to publicly campaign for office, which had become extremely expensive by Caesar's time, and they were very pleased not to have to pay for that anymore.

Art/public works/propaganda. With Augustus, they're all the same thing. Public infrastructure projects enabled him to portray himself as a servant of the people, rather than their master. Art was a medium of framing himself as pious and upholding tradition, rather than overturning it. These projects often did have genuine benefits for the public good, like fixing Rome's roads, sewers and wells, and this public benefit was part of how Augustus legitimized his regime: "See, the old system brought you civil war and hunger, but the princeps gets things done."

Lastly, military superiority. The Romans had always equated good generals with courage, honor and leadership ability. The ability to put down revolts and even extend the empire was critical not for keeping the Roman public cowed - Augustus kept very few troops in Italy itself - but to make people believe his government was capable and trustworthy. And even when Augustus wasn't personally leading the troops, he made sure everyone knew he was commander-in-chief, and thus ultimately deserved the credit (at least per Roman tradition).

Beard is right to point out each of these factors. But there's a few more I wish she'd mentioned:

Marcus Goddamn Agrippa. The best general of his generation (better than Caesar, in my opinion), fantastic administrator, public works manager, diplomat, orator and builder. Augustus simply could not have survived his first decade in politics without Agrippa's skills.

Maecenas, Livia, and other advisors. Augustus actively sought out smart people to compensate for areas he wasn't very good at (like military tactics). He was also good at finding people who were both competent, honest, and loyal.

People skills. I love the common characterization of Octavian as a cold, taciturn fish, but in real life he was actually very good at putting people at ease, making them feel valued, and cracked a lot of jokes (often making fun of himself). One of the reasons senators accepted his rule was that he still consulted them often behind the scenes, so they felt like they still had some input in the government. He appears to have been genuinely popular enough that people kept voting for him to be consul even when he wasn't running for office and told people to cut it out.

Rome had been devastated by twenty years of civil war. Innumerable senatorial families had been killed (including many by Augustus...), people had suffered multiple famines and plagues, and a whole generation had grown up without seeing what a functional republic looked like. A lot of the generational knowledge and senatorial cohesion necessary to run the government had been lost. And everyone, senators included, was traumatized and frightened of losing the apparent peace that Augustus had imposed. That's why people kept voting for him (and sometimes demanding he become dictator) even when he'd declined - they had lost faith in the Senate's ability to govern.

This isn't to excuse his erosion of the democratic process, of course. But I do think Robert Morstein-Marx is correct in attributing the death of the republic more to the twenty-year civil war after 49 BCE than to the actions of any specific individual.

[sageistri]

The way armys have managed to make a genocide about them and their fandom problems is insane. Now a few years from now they're going to tell you they helped Palestine in some way when all they did was have pointless arguments.

They also managed to make their enlistment about them and their personal feelings. "Omg I can't believe Hobi would dare to make a TikTok in his military uniform, my heart can't take it... He's probably pro-military now" these men are being forced to be there, they left the comfort of their homes to do this because they have to, but of course everything is about you. God forbid they don't try to look miserable just to make you feel better.

Also, while I do appreciate the attempt at a boycott and understand it. It's just a lot of stupid takes all around and you get why there are also a lot of pushback from other armys about the boycott. Most of them do not know exactly why they're boycotting, most of them are only boycotting if they don't like whatever song is released or the member who released it, and most of them only care about boycotting because they're worried about hybe's reputation and in association bts' reputation not because they actually care about Palestine.

Like y'all are not boycotting anyways because hybe isn't being affected in anyway and y'all still sell out every merch drop.

Like from the tweets I'm seeing from some armys about Hobi right now, maybe y'all are actually insane. There's no way I'm seeing people genuinely having a break down over the video of him dancing. It doesn't even feel like this whole thing is about Palestine anymore, it just feels like one long joke.

[randomnameless]

Do you think that Edelgard setting Bernadetta on fire in Three Houses was an oversight from the developers/a bug? I highly doubt the game would have made it out the door without Koei/IS noticing it at some point if that was unintentional, but at the same time, it's extremely weird that no one in the story comments on or acknowledges Bernadetta dying in one of the worst ways a human being can possibly die as a direct result of Edelgard sacrificing her if it was intentional on the devs' part.

Anon,

This series might have forgotten its roots in several opuses, but from Sigurd to Ephidel to Flora, to Rinea and finally to Bernie, we often had fire jokes.

Given how the gameplay was radically different from the others FE and the omnipresence of the monastery, I'd say putting a fire joke was one of the few threads IS made compulsory else FE16 wouldn't be a fire emblem game!

More seriously,

Bernie has way too many lines about being set on fire for this "bug" to be only, well, a bug.

The whole city's burning! Oh, this isn't good! I'm flammable, you know!

Bernie's all "Berned" out now. I guess if they're no good, we'll just have to "Bern" 'em all, eh? Heh-heh!

To which Seteth replies with :

Let's...leave the topic of burning aside for now, shall we? Show me what you've done.

There was also this line :

Maintenant je brûle d'envie de mieux le connaître !

But it's on the french localisation team.

So even if Bernie only has two lines about herself burning alive...

I'd say it's the kind of easter egg that is also found in the game with various other eggs, like enemy!Felix using the Sword of Zoltan in CF because he and Dimitri (who isn't boar!mitri!) are closer than they are in VW - when the player receives said sword if Felix and Dimitri reach a B Support.

And Anon, no one comments on whatever Supreme Leader did or or does, remember Flamey? Emile? Solon? Baldo'n'Waldi being fielded with the Imperial Army? No one asks what kind of zumba Rhea did during those 5 years to be in a near death state?

Not acknowledging Bernie's blazing performance is typical for those games, and I wouldn't except more of them - else it'd mean they could accept that Supreme Leader is a ruhtless but dedicated leader who, as she said, is willing to sacrifice her people to reach her goals, and if they accept this, no one will buy Hresvelg Grey anymore.

[yandere-fics]

(Zombie Bibi because I'm evil)

"What's the matter pookie? I thought you LIKED this joke?" Bibi snarled, twisting the knife further into your gut. It was so painful, you were sure it was piercing something important, but not important enough to kill you quickly. You sobbed as the realisation of what was going to happen set in, the terror of an impending death, of oblivion. Even if you managed to survive this, she's already caused enough damage to keep you from ever living comfortably again. You were good as dead.

"Hey!!! Hey... pookie are you...?" She shook her head angrily, the rusted bells jingling as she focused on her anger "Why aren't you LAUGHING??? You're meant to laugh at my jokes. Why don't you EVER LAUGH AT MY JOKES???" She twisted the knife again, the agony making your head throb. You locked eyes with her... those eyes. You could see her pupils, they weren't hearts anymore. It hadn't worked. All those times you poured the potion out on her grave hoping it would sink into the soil... what a stupid thing to do.

"Bibi... baby... please stop this... I didn't mean to... I didn't.... I... I thought it'd be funny... I wanted to make you laugh. I missed you so so much, please don't hurt me anymore!! I swear I'll laugh, I swear!!" You sobbed, you hoped she'd brought back her gullible side from her trip to the grave, she stared sadly at you for a moment, regretting what she'd done thus far. But she couldn't stop now. You would laugh at her joke.

"I'm sorry pookie. But don't worry, I already had a talk with my friend in the tower! She's worked up somethin' fierce for me. Plus King Theanna missed me so much, the place must'a been so dry without me haha! You still love me right? You still love my jokes?" She giggled, her eyes twitched with an unstable, undead rage as she slowly pulled the knife from your stomach.

"Always"

"I knew it" she sighed, raising the knife high above her head.

The last thing you heard was her giggling echoing throughout your head as she killed you. Your vision went fuzzy as the blood left your body. It wasn't slow, but it was painful. You slipped into blackness, and then there was nothing.

But then you awoke.

"Hi pookie~" her voice cooed, your eyes felt heavy, all of you felt heavy. You couldn't move. You could only blink, and even that was taking all your energy.

"Pookie?? Why aren't they-"

"You must tell them to rise, Bibi."

"Oh right! Rise, Pookie!!"

Your body rose to a sitting position, alarmingly fast without your input. Your hair was longer, matted, grey. Your skin bloodless. Just like hers.

"Look at me Pookie!"

Your head lifted to stare at Bibi, you were in the tower, its habitant; Ainsley standing in the shadows. You tried to speak, to ask Bibi what was going on, to ask if her killing you was just a bad dream, but all that escaped your mouth was a pathetic wheeze. Tears began to well in your eyes, you were so scared.

She leaned in close, placing a kiss on your lips before whispering into your ear, trying her hardest to speak through her excited giggles.

"After I was brought back, Ainsley discovered my soul had become somethin of a net. A soul net. With the help of her magic, whenever I take a life, they come back! And when they come back, they belong to me! They listen to everything I say. They don't have any other choice. Isn't that funny?!?!" She chuckled, you tried to beg her to let you go, to end this nightmare, to put you back in the grave, but you knew the nightmare had only begun, and it would be everlasting.

"Soon enough, every one of those nasty criminals I kill will become a part of my own little army, my audience, if ya will. I'll be the jester queen of the undead, and you will be my princess, pookie!! It'll be so funny, I know it will. Now laugh."

Before you could even begin to resist, you began to laugh. Sucking in air through your dirt-filled lungs as you giggled alongside her, you were completely at her mercy, your body now belonging to her.

You laughed yourself to tears.

-girlfailure

I love her so much

[suugrbunz]

ahhhhhh I need a mota ship please 🥹

i’m a total introverted, shy girl type when i meet someone and it’s so annoying bc once i’m out of my shell im like a total different person but it usually takes a persistent type of person to get me there. i love to read and study english lit, writing and poetry are just my favorite things ever. romance is just 😍🥰❤️ i love it. i could talk for hours about my favorite books or even movie adaptations especially if ive had a few drinks. im very girly and love having my nails/hair/make up done but in more of a muted neutral kind of way. i do feel like i have a secret adventurous side though, it just takes some time and comfort for her to show up. i used to date a guy with a motorcycle and going for rides made me realize maybe i have a secret adrenaline seeking side? ive realized there’s still a lot of me i have to learn lol. sometimes i think im boring or a bit of a priss but if im comfortable enough i feel like a normal person in their early 20s every once in a while 🥲

no you can't have a ship bugger off. joking. of course you can!! yk what all these mota ships have in common? ... Including me as the writer. We are all suckers for writing and romance.

︵‿୨Curtis Biddick୧‿︵

Ima be real any man in the army air force definitely was naturally persistent and stubborn (and possibly arrogant)

I feel like you two would look so pretty together

like youre such a cute couple 𖹭

but because you have a shell people need to break through

...that means a friend introduced you two, that's the only logical way of this relationship coming about

he'll pay for your nails to be done

and if you paint them? he'll help you pay for nail polish because good quality nail polish isn't that cheap anymore

perhaps, you two first meet and he's just intrigued by you.

so he HAS to know more

absolutely has to.

so he'll be a quiet presence around you, making some small talk

because small talk can grow !!

it can become useful !!

the way he gets you to talk? books and their adaptations

he had to ask a friend of yours about what you love so he could get you to talk but

he did it

first date? a bookstore

he picks out a book for you

you pick out a book for him

praying that you get a good book

as for the adrenaline side?

definitely can handle that

you two can definitely do random things for the thrill of it together just because it'll help you wriggle out of the shell for a moment

I think that's the best part of the human experience doing something that makes you uncontrollably smile as pure joy fills your body

and that smile that you'll wear in that most is like the smile a kid wears when theyre in a candy shop.

so when he's able to get you to smile like that, he's so smitten

Which is how the first kiss occurs

it just sort of happens when you're in the midst of smiling

He presses this sweet kiss to your cheek and pulls you into a tender hug

he can't help it

when you're in love, things like that just sort of happen

He'll be there for you no matter the era of your life, he loves watching you discover yourself.

mwah love this dynamic

song ooo song ok

I think it'll be something light hearted but sentimental?

what about

with or without you by U2

That's a lovely song, I think?

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

Cas needed that supportive friend who told him not to give up, even when things seemed hopeless.

Crowley

What are you planning to do about Raphael?

Castiel

What can I do besides submit or die?

Crowley

Submit or die? What are you, French? How about resist?

Cas needed that friend that reassures him he isn't alone

Castiel

I'm not strong enough and you know it.

Crowley

Not on your own, you're not. But you're not on your own.

Cas needed that friend that raises his self-esteem and doesn't call him a baby in a trenchcoat

Crowley

God's favorite. Buddy boy, you've got what they call sex appeal.

Cas needed that friend who can see his potential and doesn't think less of him

Crowley

Angels need leaders, so be one. Gather your army and kick the candy out of each and every angel...

Cas needed that friend who can smooth over an awkward situation with a brilliant joke

Crowley

My, my. Playing with fire again? ( When he finds Cas trapped in a ring of holy fire)

Cas needed that friend who isn't afraid to give him a reality check

Crowley

You can't have friends. Not anymore. I mean, my God. You're losing it.

( And this isn't Crowley being controlling, because he means "can't have" as in not possible to. Crowley doesn't mean "can't have" as in being unallowed to. And tbf Crowley was right, TFW decided not to be Cas' friend anymore once they found out )

Castiel

I'm fine.

Crowley

Yeah. You're the very picture of mental health. ( Sarcasm )

In the words of the amazing Mark Sheppard when a fan asked him about the love hate between Crowley and Castiel he said "where was the hate? I don't see any hate 🤨"

[exquisitepluviophile]

MISS AMERICA | CHAPTER III

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

series summary: you're steve's sister, and bucky barnes' girlfriend. and maybe also a supersoldier from the 40s

chapter summary: you say goodbye to bucky before he's shipped off to England, and you receive some news.

chapter warnings: little bit of joking about the possibility of stucky,

A/N: actually finished writing this because I got a 4.0 and felt like I should celebrate

series masterlist ♡ masterlist ♡ next chapter

Steve dejectedly stepped down from the platform in the army recruitment centre. Every guy that stood on it could actually envision themselves joining the army. Not Steve though; he wasn't even tall enough to see himself in the reflection of a soldier.

"Come on, you're kinda missing the point of a double date," Bucky said as he pushed Steve from behind. "I don't think you can call it a double date anymore, since Ruth ran off," you said pointedly. "We're going to get some drinks at the bar nearby, y'know to celebrate me leaving," Bucky told Steve.

"We're not celebrating that you're leaving James," you scolded. "Okay, doll, 'commemorating'. Is that better? Jeez, you sound like Ma," Bucky responded while you shook your head in annoyance.

"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up with you," Steve said, with his hands in his pocket.

"You really gonna do this again?"

"Well it's a fair; I'm gonna try my luck,"

"As who, Steve from Ohio?" You asked, the sarcasm evident. "They'll catch you." You took on a more caring tone.

"Or worse, they'll actually take you," Bucky stated, unabashedly showing his concern and worry for his friend.

"Who needs parents when they have you two..." Steve muttered, his words unheard by the pair. "Look, I know you two don't think I can do this-"

"This isn't a back alley Steve." Bucky said, his annoyance with Steve's stubbornness rising. "It's war!"

"I know it's a war-"

"Why are you so keen to fight?" You asked him, not understanding why someone would put themselves in so much danger willingly. "There are so many important jobs!"

"What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?" Steve asked sarcastically.

"Yes! Why not?!"

"I'm not going to sit in a factory Bucky-"

"I don't-"

"Bucky! Come on, there are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them," Steve argued.

"But-" you tried to reason with Steve.

"You get to help people like Ma, you're a nurse. The least I could do is help the country by fighting for it like Pa," Steve continued." That's what you don't understand. This isn't about me."

"Right, cause you've got nothing to prove."

"We should go, your Ma asked us to be back for dessert," you said while you tugged on Bucky's sleeve, not willing to see them so hostile towards each other.

Bucky relented as he started stepping backwards. "Don't do anything stupid until I get back."

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you," Steve joked.

That put a smile on Bucky's face. "You're a punk," he said as he went in for a hug. "Jerk."

Most weren't as lucky as you were, to have a brother who didn't want to fight who they were dating (at least most of the time). You were frankly glad that they were best friends.

"Take care of my girl while I'm gone would ya?" Bucky said as he walked over to you and fit his hand around your waist. "Hey, she was my sister first before she was your girlfriend," Steve challenged.

You all snickered at that. "Steve make sure you don't stay up too late missing Bucky after he's gone; he's my boyfriend not yours," you smiled.

"Don't win the war until I get there!"

Bucky did a salute to Steve as he turned around to walk with you to his house. You loved going to his house, and his parents loved you. Winifred, or Winnie as she asked you to call her, treated you and Steve like her own children, being Steve's secondary pillar of support after your mother's death. Bucky had three younger sisters, but he was closest to Rebecca, the youngest. Becca idolised Bucky, and wanted to be just like her big brother. Her and Bucky's age gap of 16 years was never a problem when she wanted him to play dolls with him when she was younger. Becca adored you too, Bucky joking that she liked you more than she liked him. With Bucky's two other younger sisters, Marjorie and Betty, busy with high school, you were the most available to talk to her or braid her hair.

Bucky knocked at the door, the smell of freshly baked mock cherry pie wafting through the door. "Looks like she made your favourite dessert," you smiled as Becca opened the door.

"Look what the cat dragged in," she said as she stepped to the side to let you two in. "So excited to see me," Bucky laughed as he ruffled her hair. As you walked through the hallway that led to the main living room, memories of Steve chasing you through them flooded through your mind. With your mother busy at the hospital trying to make ends meet, Winnie always made sure you two had food to eat and a roof over your heads. Literally. When the roof of your cheap rental house collapsed, she was the one to offer the three of you the spare room. You remembered having dinner here the day before you left to Connecticut to stay with your aunt and Winnie barely let you go the whole evening.

"Dessert's almost ready. You two have fun at the expo?" George Barnes asked his son as he closed the book he was reading. "I'd spend eternity watching paint dry if she was next to me," Bucky replied as he sat down on the plush couch. Mr Barnes chuckled. "Young love... Your Ma and I were like this too." A scarlet blush formed on you cheeks. "I'll go inside to see if Winnie needs help with anything." you walked away and into the kitchen, beckoning Becca to join you.

"Are you going to marry Jamie?" Becca asked, her innocent eyes sparkling right up at you. You choked on air. Indeed, you two had brought up the idea some time before, but with him leaving for England, you hadn't put any thought into it. "Maybe once the war's over."

"There you are! I haven't seen you in ages. James is always keeping you for himself and never bringing you over," Winnie said as she gave you a hug that could have made up for all those years you hadn't seen her after going to Connecticut. She handed you two plates of mock cherry pie and asked if you could bring them out to the living room.

You mostly ate in silence as Winnie asked Bucky if he had packed everything.

"I'll really miss you Jamie."

"I'll miss you too Beck," Bucky said, or at least you thought he did. He was busy stuffing his mouth with Mock Cherry Pie. "Bucky, nobody's going to take the plate away from you. Slow down," You said with a laugh.

These moments were so domestic. Ones that you'd look back on if Bucky ever- no, that wouldn't happen. Bucky would return home after the war and you would get married and get a nice house far away from busy New York. With a cat maybe. Bucky had always wanted a cat; a white fluffy one.

While these thoughts occupied your mind all the way home, you saw a crinkled letter outside you and Steve's tiny apartment. "I'm not even gone yet and you're already getting love letters," Bucky, who had offered to walk you home because "It's too dangerous for a pretty girl to be walking the streets alone at night", joked.

After scoffing at his comment and playfully punching him in the stomach, you skimmed through the letter. "They've stationed me at Camp Lehigh. Y'know, as a nurse for those poor people training."

"That's great doll. At least I can send my letters there to make sure everyone knows you're taken," Bucky teased.

Letters.

L-e-t-t-e-r-s, you mentally tried to spell out.

The simplest thing that every soldier wrote to whoever they were in love with while they were off at war. You couldn't have that same pleasure.

"Bucky, why bother sending me letters when you know I can't read them."

"Then I'll paint you the most beautiful paintings and send them to you if that's what it takes for you to see how much I'll miss you."

"What are you going to paint them with? You won't have paint where you're going."

"I'll paint 'em with my blood."

"You're so dramatic."

"You love it," Bucky said as he pushed open the door of your apartment.

"Finally, you decided to open the door. I was getting bored of listening to Mr Barnes being all sappy with his girlfriend," Steve said from the frayed couch.

"It's Sergeant Barnes to you, punk,"

"Yeah yeah, I'll miss you too Bucky,"

"I'll miss you James," You said as you put your hand to his cheek. "Don't call me that. I'm Bucky. Your Bucky. Always."

-

word count: 1.4k

tagged: @your-local-questioning-agender

[tungledotedu]

i guess this is what passes as humour for the blue maga side of tumblr. what do you even get out of these 'jokes'? it's almost like you people want biden to lose the election.

(moved my original tags here since this isn't only about the superbowl anymore)

#if you're on twitter how do you not know about the massacre taking place in rafah. gazans have literally nowhere else to go #'had a meltdown' just admit you don't give a shit about palestinians sprinkledsalt #i would have thought your Liberal Civil Sensibilities would maybe make you stop and think #'huh. maybe now is not a good time to laugh at this funny meme edit of someone who has been #condemned internationally for aiding genocide and is being sued for it by his own citizens' #while mocking people who are rightfully upset that the western world has done nothing for them and is turning its attention to entertainmen

(edited on 29 feb to add more screenshots of sprinkledsalt being vile about aaron bushnell)

you have to be heartless to see something as serious as self-immolation in protest of genocide and turn it into a petty dunk about voting.

and you have no shame in calling people freaks for pointing out the nuance and complexity that liberals are oh so enlightened for worshipping (when it serves them).

because illiteracy is something to be proud of now. this is incredibly embarrassing enough on its own, but it's even worse considering this is their political side blog where they act high and mighty about how stupid and useless leftists are. 'maybe they're only opposed to extreme acts of protest?' nope, they also think boycotts are dumb and do nothing.

(hamas and the pflp did release a statement about his death.)

you insult people and call them 'extremely mentally ill' for understanding the rationale and impact of self-immolation. and you expect us to believe you actually care about ableism? not to mention, the idea that mentally ill people cannot make clear-headed decisions out of genuine political conviction is ableist in itself.

bushnell left his savings to the palestine children's relief fund. his last post was to ask, 'what would i do if my country was committing genocide?' he live streamed it on twitch because he wanted his message to be spread. he shouted free palestine even as he screamed in agony. there is a reason he chose to wear a us army uniform in his last moments.

yes, it was an extreme and tragic act, but you don't have to condone it or be personally willing to risk your life to appreciate the reasons behind it. but going so far as to say 'suicide is always bad' is simplistic, lazy, and anti-intellectual. even if you don't agree with what he did, derailing the conversation is useless, disrespectful to his memory, and the opposite of what he would have wanted. it's what the anti-palestine side wants. they want his death to not matter. they want to keep your eyes away from the genocide in gaza.

because that's where you should be focusing your attention. you want to talk about mental health and suicide in palestine? children as young as five are saying they want to die. a 6-year-old boy in gaza almost died by suicide after losing his entire family. later, he died of hypothermia. and this is only one story that made it to social media. we don't even know their names. what happened to aaron bushnell is nothing compared to the unimaginable suffering they've endured.

[aberooski]

Random yet brilliant GX/Avatar au thoughts I had after rewatching ATLA and watching LOK for the first time:

Idk if I'll ever actually write this but if I did I'd use the Japanese names because obviously they'd fit in better here but for the purposes of my random bullshit and by being my default names I'm still using the dub names in my notes lol

___

- Obviously Jaden's the Avatar lol. Avatar Jaden of the Fire Nation (since he's a big fan of red and all 🤭)

- Fire Prince Chazz, Lightningbender ⚡⚡⚡

- Dragons are a thing so Light and Darkness Dragon anyone?? 👀👀

- Atticus is a Waterbender, but Nightshroud is a Bloodbender 👻

- Atty and Lex are prince and princess of the Northern Water Tribe

- Alexis is also a Waterbender but since in the North it's forbidden for women to learn Waterbending except for healing purposes (at least it is in ATLA, clearly that's not the case anymore in LOK since y'know, Eska. But this is my brain I can use whatever lore I want aksksk), Atticus taught her how to Waterbend himself in secret 🤫

- Zane and Syrus are mixed nations like Mako and Bolin, Zane is a Metalbender but Sy is a Waterbender

- Syrus specializes in healing, not combat. I imagine Zane treats him basically like he's a helpless non-bender as a result. But in that mean basically telling him he's useless way that he would, not in a protective brother kind of way. He understands it's a very valuable skill but really wished his brother could fight and fend for himself so he didn't have to be protected all the time.

- Very high concentration of Earth Kingdom squad members lol

- Bastion gives me Earth Kingdom vibes but also I feel like he would be a Waterbender because Water Dragon 🤔 can't decide 🤔

- Jim's Earth Kingdom but a non-bender. I imagine in the equivalent to the accident that lost him his eye as a kid he just went blind. Shirley is his seeing eye Crocogator 🐊 (y'know, since basically all the animals are hybrids 🤭 i know Catgators and Crococats exist but this is funnier and I can make jokes about her totally just being a normal Croc that Jim's passing off as a cross between a Catgator and a Crococat 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭)

- Jim's a mega badass swordsman though even with the blindness. Wouldn't be surprised if he had some Earthbending power lying dormant inside him, like a fossil waiting to be unearthed (no pun intended 🤭), but he's more than content to be a regular human, he doesn't need bending to enjoy his life.

- Hassleberry's 100% an Earthbender. Dude can probably even Lavabend but that's a big maybe. (I mean volcanoes helped kill the dinosaurs and all too so)

- My guy Crowler teaches at the University of Ba Sing Se and if he's a bender he's probably a Metalbender (cuz y'know, Ancient Gears. I am taking their decks somewhat into account here 🤭), probably a member of the White Lotus

- Sheppard's got that Airbending Master status babyyyy, also the current Grand Lotus, just chilling with his non-bending wife Dorothy 😌

- Slade vs. Chazz in a fucking Agni Kai, a la episode 35 !! (🤜🔥 🔥⚡🤛)

- Jaden has a Firebending block similar to Zuko at some point, but because his fire comes from his passion, not hate. In his emo era his passion is gone and he has to find it again and reignite his inner fire!

- Jesse's got those Earth Kingdom green eyes, probably from the Earth Kingdom, but I think he has some Air Nomad heritage in there. He's very connected to his spirituality and the spirit world. Kinda gives me Jinora vibes in that area, he definitely is a very spirit heavy guy. Crystal Beasts, am I right?

- Jesse could've been the Avatar if the cycle wasn't up to fire at the time. (Literally forget any and all timelines none of that matters this isn't a crossover we're talking about. Full au so continuity be damned! All that matters is that the Avatar cycle is now at fire 🔥)

- Axel's Fire Nation I mean c'mon his whole thing is fire aksksk, strong Firebender and probably in the Fire Nation Army too somewhere. A good man though, a very honorable and just guy, not a shitty shitty bad Firebender as is the general consensus in the world about Firebenders most of the time it seems.

- Aster also gives me Water Tribe vibes but like only kinda, he's hard to nail down element wise...... 🤔 he's got the blue eyes so I'm gonna say Water Tribe atm we'll see if my brain agrees with that later. Whether North or South idk, I'm still on the fence about him being a Waterbender but water is my favorite so not gonna complain about making more Waterbenders..... 🤔

- His dad was a non-bender and was 100% killed by a Firebender though. That would cause issues with him and Jaden since Jaden is a Firebender Avatar. Oof there you go, Aster's whole like fucking "you can't hide from destiny" batman era bullshit?? He's going around beating up Firebenders because he doesn't know who exactly killed his father ooooooooo 👀👀👀 (I guess kinda like Katara I guess in a way but also not really I mean she saw the guy who did it, not that she knew exactly who he was without Zuko's help figuring that out but shhhhh remember none of that's important right now 🤫)

- Dark Spirit Yubel ???? 👀👀👀👀👀

- DARK AVATAR SUPREME KING PAST LIFE !?!?!?

- Winged Kuriboh spirit guide 👀👀👀

- oof Adrian as a bad guy Airbender now that's a yikes idea. Sorry Air Nomads, somebody's not a good noodle.

- Chumley once again representing the Earth Kingdom

- Bro not sure about Banner..... so many options.....

- Earth King Kagemaru (bro those guys are almost always shady bitches whether it's the Earth monarch or the Dai Li bro we can NEVER trust the Dai Li)

- y'all Banner is so Earth Kingdom but he's also giving me Fire Nation, like aesthetically and vibes wise he could be either. But also because of his like alchemy background and straight up making a homunculous for himself and shit like that he's also giving me secret Bloodbender I'm literally on so many fences with this guy I can't decide 😭

- Also totally in touch with some spirits and stuff, totally dies and passes into the spirit world to continue existing there like Iroh did so Jaden can talk to him like the ghost we all know and love like another sort of spirit guide and Pharaoh can follow Jaden and crew around afterwords aksksk

- Stormshipping and Spiritshipping all over the damn place! It's me. You knew that was going to be a thing here.

___

That's all I got at the moment. Like I said I don't know if I'd ever actually write this, I know I have way too much on my plate right now to even think about this in a more on the table way than this but my brain won't stop so I have to indulge aksksk

Let me know y'alls thoughts if you got any I'm just messing around here really so lord knows 🤭 anyway if I come up with anything else maybe I'll add it later but for now holy shit guys isn't my mind a wild and crazy place??? 😜😂😅

[akookminsupporter]

yk i used to have an old frnd who i was very close to. like really. we used to talk all the time even though we live miles away and haven't met in like 7+ years. but we always got along. she had a really wide and kind of a different approach to life than other people which i really found admiring. i learned a lot of things from her and i honestly miss her presence sometimes. we don't talk anymore. time got us. there wasn't any fight or anything, we just gradually drifted apart and that's what hurts the most. why am i telling you this? because you remind me of her sometimes. she was strong, opinionated and never feared stating whatever was on her mind. that's a quality i acquired from her. so yeah... reading your messages (replies to the anons) remind me of her sometimes.

hope u do well in life, get everything u want and keep up with your spirit, rosie. i wish you the best in life and i hope everyone around you shows their love in their own way to you. and it's my request to you too, that if you have something to say to someone, say it. you never know when things might change, nothing is forever even the best of relationships (platonic, familial or romantic) end sometimes and you don't know when a stranger might become your new special person. so please don't ever hesitate to show your love to your loved ones. i've lost people and it won't be a lie if i say i barely have friends right now (i'm not forty years old, sigh. just ended high school) but that's fine i still have a lot more things coming. i could meet new people in college and hopefully form new definitions of friendships and relationships. but yes, from whatever i have seen so far, what i am sure of is that nothing is forever. i talk to everyone and you won't believe me people see me as a "happy go lucky girl" which i always like, because why being sad in front of people and making them feel sad when they can't do anything to help you? (in a good way. but i have this serious issue of bottling things up and that lead to anxiety. bad one) i literally have these thick walls because of how scared i am of forming bonds just for the fear of losing them. sigh. i just told you nothing is forever but i, myself have a hard time accepting that. easier said than done, isn't it? lol anyway a lot of sentimental and philosophical stuff have been said. geez i might cringe later at myself if you post this. nvm, it's so good that i found your blog, found bts, found armys, and found uh idk everything? yeah, life could be depressing but i try to smile it off because why not?

a frnd of mine was saying she's going to kill herself and i swear i've heard that lot more times from different people. two kids (15 year olds) commited suicide in the last two months where i live. and i was crying in the bathroom because idk who might be next. and it scares me yk what if it's me next? or in future months or years later maybe if i can't smile anymore? it's so disturbing, sigh. and i hate when people joke and say 'i'm gonna kill myself' at the slightest discomfort in life. at least once, just for a second i want them to think of thousands of those people who are surviving under constant fear of hurting themselves for real, who are actually struggling to keep themselves alive, to fight back life harder than it comes for them, and those who want someone to help them out of vicious circle of depression, anxiety and other similar problems they're caught in. i don't like people who make mental health issues look 'aesthetic'. hope they grow up to know better soon.

god i need to learn how to shut up. sorry this long. i love your blog, please don't ever shut this down. ilysm, hope you stay healthy and live your best life. also, again i'm sorry if my message is too depressing. i started off only to tell you that you remind me of my (ex) best friend lol.

Hi, anon! How are you?

I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful but I was a bit surprised when I read that you recently finished high school. There is experience in your words, experience that is usually gained over the years, with mistakes and frustrations but also joys. You are wise beyond your years, anon. That was nice to see. Although I keep in mind that at no point did you mention your age, assuming you're a teenager is perhaps a bit bold of me.

I think I've said it all day but thank you for the nice opinion you have of me. Thank you for the way you think of me. Thank you for somehow telling me that my sincerity is perceived by all of you. I'm sorry that you and your former friend have drifted apart. Life is funny like that sometimes. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us something but not to stay. And in itself, that is also a life lesson.

In part, you remind me of me but unlike you, I have never had such positive thoughts about my future. About other people's? Of course, I have, but not about mine, I guess in that respect I like to preach but I don't apply what I preach.

Thanks for the advice and good wishes. You are a special person anon. Try not to change. Always try not to let life and all its tribulations ruin your way of thinking. Maybe try to be a little more positive about yourself. Trusting someone else people say is a rewarding thing to do, I need to work on that too, maybe we can do it together. I sincerely hope that people come into your life who bring something to you instead of taking something away from you. I hope that people come into your life with whom you can form sincere, honest and lasting relationships. You sound like the kind of friend I would like to have. That I often need to have.

I wish you nothing but the best anon, thank you for your kind words. I promise I won't forget what you said to me.

GRACIAS!!

[borahaerhy]

BTS While High - Headcanons

While my inbox is filled with unwritten requests and the latest chapter of my WIP is in dire need of some heavy editing, I decided the best use of my time is to write my headcanons for the members after smoking some devil's lettuce in honor of 4/20.

Happy 4/20 everybody, I hope you enjoy :)

It does get slightly horny at times, so viewer discretion is advised. Also if you want me to do anymore headcanons, just lmk, I love doing these.

Jin

Chaos

Laughing at everything that's happening

To the point he's falling over

Trying to make jokes

But he can't stop laughing long enough to actually get them out

Definitely not sitting down

He's up and moving

He's trying to make a pillow fort out of couch cushions and throw blankets

Or he needs to get everyone's attention so he can give a presentation on an idea he had 2 seconds ago and is now obviously the most genius thing he's ever come up with

Trying to go somewhere probably

"Yo, we should definitely go bowling"

or even

"Does anyone wanna go to Walmart?"

But you're not going to Walmart to go shopping or to get things

It's absolutely only to hula-hoop and chase each other around the store with children's toys

If you're in a relationship with him?

He's 100% fucking with you the most

There will be no peace

Only war

You have to be just as excited as he is

Or he will try to fight you

In a joking way obviously

But ultimately, he probably just wants you to scratch his head and play with his hair

And once you do that?

Nap time :)

Yoongi

Couch locked

Blank face, not really saying anything

If he's paying attention to whatever conversation is happening, he'd laugh if something was funny

But chances are

He's zoned out and has no idea what anyone's saying

But that's only for the first 20 minutes or so

After that

He's overcome with affection

He's just looking around at everyone

And is so overwhelmed with love

The sappy little bitch

Definitely pretending he isn't tho

But the second anyone says they need anything

He's on it

You want a snack?

He'll go find one

Would definitely cook you dinner

Need a blanket?

Done

Do you need someone to hold your hand?

There is literally nothing that will stop him from holding your hand

And that goes for anyone he cares about

But especially his significant other

If you two were dating

You could make literally any request

And as long as it was physically possible for him to do it

It's done

Especially is it involves affection

Tbh just hold his hand when he's high, that's literally all he wants

Hoseok

Honestly?

The most normal out of all of them

This is not his first rodeo

He's very calm

It's business as usual for him

But is 100% very interested in everyone else's antics

He's listening to the jokes

He's paying attention to the one (probably Namjoon) going on about life's greatest mysteries

If someone's panicking

He's on it immediately

He'd notice quickly and try to help them in whatever way he could

Tell them that everything's gonna be okay

And that they probably just need a snack

And would immediately make them a snack

Wouldn't leave them alone until he was sure that they were okay

If you're dating

He's very chill on the outside

Especially if other people are there

But you're sitting next to him

And his hand is on your thigh

He's very subtle about it

But he's doing anything he can to drive you absolutely insane

Would 100% leave in the middle of a conversation with the guys to go find a bedroom with you

Then emerge an hour later

Hair messed up and wearing different clothes

And have absolutely no shame

Namjoon

Very casual while smoking

Carrying on in normal conversation

But when it hits him

He's gonna go quiet for a minute

Then launch into a monologue

About what?

Who knows

Could be anything

The meaning of the universe

How much he absolutely loves army's

His philosophical beliefs

If there's a whiteboard available he's ON IT

Idk what he's writing or why but he's definitely doing something

Probably to try to explain whatever he's monologuing about to everyone else

But

At some point

He's gonna say "I'm gonna go get a little snack"

And come back with a four-course meal

Like when I say munchies

I mean MUNCHIES

He's literally eating everything he can find

He's inhaling that shit

And if he's in a relationship

He'll honestly probably forget you're there while monologuing

But if you say something

Or he looks over at you

The biggest grin will spread across his face

And whatever he was talking about doesn't matter anymore in the slightest

You're the only thing that exists now

And in the most wholesome ways

He wants a hug

And will be giddy anytime you even look at him

Jimin

I mean this with the utmost respect

He's a thot

And he's extremely shameless about it

Flirting with everyone

Making everyone flustered

Prolonged eye contact

But everything is funny to him

Laughing at everything anyone says

Thinks Jin is absolutely hilarious

Falling over laughing so hard

Will fall out of his chair

There's just no way around it

But the shamelessness

You could dare him to do literally anything

And he'd do it

No exceptions

And if you're dating him?

I pray for you

He's like Hoseok in the way he'd drive you insane

But it's much less subtle

Like he's kissing your neck

And pulling you to sit in his lap

very territorial tbh

No one else should really be allowed to look at you

Like if it's just you with the guys, that's one thing

He trusts them

But if you guys went with Jin on his Walmart adventures

And someone looks at you for just a second too long

He will start making out with you in the middle of the bike section

And fully prepare to not be allowed out of his sight for more than a few minutes

Wants you on his arm at all times

Will wait outside the bathroom door for you to get done so he can show you off some more

Taehyung

Also couch locked

Probably in a baggy hoodie

Hood up

Slouched down as far as he can get into the couch

Eyelids low

Either completely zoned out or just listening to everyone else talk

Probably snacking on a bag of chips

No idea how though, because he definitely didn't get up to get them

But inevitably

He too will launch into a monologue

But unlike Namjoon

It wouldn't be about existential crises or how important the bees are

It's about how the birds are fake

They're definitely government drones

And the president?

100% a lizard

But is very easily distracted

If he's talking and someone interrupts him

He will not remember what he was saying at all

But doesn't mind

Because that topic of conversation is just as important

If there's an animal there, he's petting them

They're his new best friend, and literally no one else matters

But if you're dating him

He will not let you off the couch

His arms are around you and they're not going anywhere

If he's couch locked so are you

You're gonna watch this movie together

Or listen to your friends carry on conversation

But unless there's an emergency

Neither of you are getting up until tomorrow

Jungkook

A lot like Jin

Pure chaos

He's up and moving

Probably trying to pick fights with people

Just being an annoying little shit

Just so he can have an excuse to suplex someone

and he's laughing hysterically the whole time

Will do anything to avoid being serious

Would 100% go bowling and still somehow get a perfect score

But he's only doing trick shots

Like he's doing the absolute most

Will start dancing

No music playing?

That's fine, it's just the choreo to "That That"

And he's not particularly hungry

But if he starts eating

He's not stopping until he's comatose

And it doesn't matter what he's eating

It's the best thing he's ever eaten

And he will express this using his entire body

While dating you

He's trying to get you annoyed enough to swing on him

Just so he can pick you up and throw you over his shoulder

And you're not getting down anytime soon

In fact

The more you complain

The longer you're staying up there

But once he's calmed down

And you're eating

He's gonna feed you everything he eats

Because it's all just so good

And you have to experience it too

And after the food coma sets in

It's nap time

And there's no getting out of cuddling with him until he falls asleep