#This is the story of how five gorgeous boys from the UK

[sugdenlovesdingle]

from duncan's newsletter:

(he's actually critical of ED?? I didn't know he was allowed)

How to get Emmerdale back to its best

I love Emmerdale. Its gorgeous and unique setting, its array of fabulous characters and gripping storylines over the years, and its ability to tackle serious storylines head on, and break format creatively, often set it apart from the crowd.

Over the last few years, the soap has dominated awards ceremonies, winning rightful acclaim for Meena Jutla’s (Paige Sandhu) reign of camp terror, Paddy Kirk’s (Dominic Brunt) depression and suicide attempt, and Marlon Dingle’s (Mark Charnock) sensitively handled stroke storyline.

And Faith Dingle’s (Sally Dexter) death scenes were undoubtedly the highlight of the anniversary month, bringing far more to the table than flying caravans and cows on the loose.

Recent castings have been spot on too – William Ash is right at home as the complex Caleb Miligan, and Louise Jameson is unsurprisingly a revelation.

Being able to secure returns for the iconic Kim Tate (Claire King) and Mandy Dingle (Lisa Riley) can also be chalked into outgoing boss Jane Hudson’s legacy.

After five years, she has stepped down, having achieved a great deal on the show.

Wanting to spend more time with her family, Jane is looking forward to a well earned rest – running one of the UK’s top shows is a more difficult job than people give credit for.

Soap bosses are held to such a high degree of scrutiny and standard, and if there is anything fans are not happy with, boy they let them know!

Listing the above paints an overall solid picture of Emmerdale and, despite dramatic reports, the show is far from being in crisis.

However, the recent resurgence of EastEnders has helped identify how refreshing shows can put them right back on the map.

There are many things Emmerdale needs to improve on – things have become far less character led, with an over-reliance on stunts and, despite my love for the clan, the Dingles.

The often ignored older generation, lack of fresh blood who aren’t connected to existing villagers, and some storylines that are starting to feel a bit of a strain are some of the factors that it is now a good time to address.

A new pair of hands and perspective on the steering wheel will bring new ideas to the table – there’s a reason why soaps benefit a lot from regular producer changes.

We all have different thoughts when it comes to our ideal soap. I have struggled with some aspects of the show for a number of months now, and have some thoughts on what could give Emmerdale its mojo back.

The community feel

The Man Club is evidence that Emmerdale still knows how to integrate the cast in a community way, but the show really lacks the warm feeling of community that it has previously been known for.

Character groups feel very separate – the Andersons are packed with potential but are generally isolated aside from Charles leading a wedding or funeral, for example.

Many characters have deep connections and pasts with each other but at the moment, much of everything is storyline led, with a definite beginning, middle and end.

A return to the focus on character, and the village itself, will make the storylines feel less plot, and more organic.

New blood

There have been some solid castings over Jane’s tenure, but very few who join the show unrelated to existing villagers.

Many of the links have been a bit contrived – Nicola’s attacker Naomi really didn’t have to be the same character as Charles’ daughter – and introductions such as Chloe and Tom have so far felt unable to hit the mark, with explorations into the connections themselves feeling very light.

Chloe rarely interacts with Sarah anymore, while Tom’s tensions with Jimmy and Chas were resolved extremely quickly.

Bringing in some fresh new faces or even a new family could buck this trend and inject some additional new life that doesn’t have to be an add-on to an existing story.

A big name casting a la Amanda Donohoe leading the Wyldes would also bring some solid attention and buzz.

Bring back Kim Tate’s edge

This is an ongoing bugbear with me – I long dreamed of seeing superbitch Kim Tate stalking the village and lording over Home Farm once more, so when I got my wish, I was delighted.

Her return was camper than a tent shop, and great fun but unsustainable, so it was understandable that Emmerdale had to tone her down to keep her around.

Kim was still mean but started to take on some deeper dimensions. Having a grandma instinct reminded us of her heart, and her friendships with Mary and Lydia are great.

But, over the last year, Kim has completely lost that edge that makes her Kim.

There is absolutely no way that Harriet and Caleb would escape her wrath like they have done.

Crossing Kim to such an extent would doom you to some hardcore revenge, but Kim seems to have just rolled over and taken the hits.

Let’s get her back to the middle ground. Keep the layers – but re-introduce her harder side too.

A leopard can only change its spots so much – Kim will always, and should always, be utterly ruthless.

Consistency

Emmerdale’s powerful storylines are its absolute strength. When the show tackles something serious, it really treats it with care.

The aftermaths and long-running focus on Marlon’s stroke and Paddy’s mental health have been sublime – with storylines only this week revisiting Paddy’s grief over Grace, while Marlon has anxiety over getting back behind the wheel.

And the fact that the Man Club continues to be a solid staple of the village is refreshing; the story could easily have fallen into the soap mistake of being done and dusted then forgotten.

But when the show tries to get across a message, things can get a bit jarring when combined with other stories taking the same issue a lot less seriously.

Just days after raising awareness that a single punch can kill someone, a scene showed Bob smack Liam in the face with zero consequence. So, how are we treating punches?

Bernice’s equally important menopause group ran concurrently with Paddy’s Man Club, but has been played for laughs, which has felt like a major mis-step.

And, after Noah faced pretty much zero ramifications for stalking Chloe and displaying incel behaviours, he became central to a story about his girlfriend Amelia being stalked by a creep.

Noah portrayed as a hero in this scenario leaves a bit of a sour taste.

The show needs to take care not to undermine its best work in this way.

They stick to their guns when seeing these stories through, so they also need to stick to the core message.

Redemption arcs

Speaking of Noah’s redemption, the show has had a bit of an issue recently of desecrating characters and changing their personalities – only for it to be reversed with the expectation that viewers should forgive and forget.

To be fair to the current team, this is not a new issue – it still annoys many that Kerry and Amy live care-free in the village – and judge the crimes of others – when they effectively got away with killing Frank.

Noah was a character that ‘learned his lesson’ and was re-established into the fold without much furore, but it’s pretty hard to forget in this Amelia love story, that he really was a very serious danger to women not long ago.

And the character of Chas is back to being a little bit sanctimonious about the bad behaviour of others – such as Charity cheating and Caleb lying.

It’s very hard to warm to Chas again after the way she treated Paddy without any real remorse.

If Emmerdale truly wants us to forgive these characters, the redemption arcs need to be deeper and longer, with a much more detailed exploration of the behaviours and motivations behind them.

LGBTQ+ couples

It was noted during Pride Month that three LGBTQ+ couples in Emmerdale split up in quick succession – which was not a good look for a soap that actually nails it with diversity in the show, and representation for the community, character-wise.

Not all that long on from the controversial Vanity split, couples with potential, most notably the moving Heartstopper-esque pairing of Arthur and Marshall – were dropped.

Arthur’s coming out was handled beautifully and in an understated way by Emmerdale, so I am still confused by why the relationship went south so swiftly.

There are hints that Nicky will embark on a relationship with Suni, so hopefully this can be reversed to an extent that there can be a bit of joy for gay characters.

We are still rooting for Mary – and just when is Ethan going to get something to do?

Dropped stories need addressed

Emmerdale has kicked off stories that have the potential to be very interesting – but some of them just go nowhere.

The Rhona and Gus plot – which explored the concept of Rhona being asked to help her ex with having a baby – was new territory, but it was over and done with within weeks.

It left a few loose ends, with the expectation that more was to come but, months on, there is no sign of that.

Where is Chloe’s dad, after all this time and mentions of him? And why drop the big ‘Kerry is her mum’ bombshell right as Laura Norton left?

It was simply left hanging, with zero aftermath.

Tone down the huge stunts

Emmerdale knows how to put on a spectacle – some of its stunts have gone down in history, such as the motorway pile-up and Meena’s burning maze.

But, and this is more of an ITV issue, ‘Super Soap Week’ has become a bit of a problem.

It’s now the expectation that some sort of stunt has to half-destroy the village and kill off residents in October, which makes it predictable and pretty unrealistic how disaster will strike the same time every year.

There is also the pressure on Emmerdale to up the ante and beat the previous year each time, which led to a week with simply too much – a storm, a cow stampede, a man impaled on a tractor, an exploding quad bike, a crushing under a caravan – it was out of hand and the effect is diluted.

Time was, even a car crash would be extremely exciting and considered an event but it can’t be the case any more.

So with stunts, let’s mix it up a bit. Have less, and when they do happen, do they have to be in October?

And, unlike the big storm which had pretty much zero consequence (Harriet and Liv who?), there needs to be a return to character before spectacle. If we are blowing up the village, the key should be on what comes next.

‘Life will never be the same again’ can only work if, well, life is never the same again.

Less of the crime stories

How many drug dealers can one village have? There has been a reliance on short term criminals arriving – very often to create conflict for Cain – and it’s not very inspiring to see Nate now caught in a gangster style scenario. Which, again, it looks like Cain will resolve.

Two dimensional thugs and gangsters are so un-Emmerdale. And done far too regularly now to have any impact.

Does anyone even remember Dawn’s ex’s short-lived reign of terror? Or the gunman who shot David?

Dingle domination

The Dingle family is a double edged sword. They’re one of soap’s most iconic families and that should never change.

But it’s rare to see a story that isn’t Dingle connected, leaving the likes of the Sugdens and Tates hanging about in the background.

Even Caleb’s war with Kim Tate quickly became more Dingle focused.

Marlon and Faith’s stories were impeccable and there is another topical story coming to the Dingles that will undoubtedly be fantastic.

However, we need a bit less Dingle overload, it is hard to keep up and there are too many Dingles for them all to be realistically involved in each of the arcs ongoing.

But with all that is happening, each member absolutely would be part of it in real life. They need some breathing space to give it more of a family focus rather than story after story – and so do we.

Bring back Meena

Well, I can dream can’t I?

 

[garebearandnan]

Operation Nope begins…

New Chapter out. ‘A Bit of Me’ - Day 10 Part 1.2

CLICK ON LINK to read full chapter on WATTPAD: 

CLICK ON LINK to read full chapter on A03:

SUMMARY: The new couples get settled in, but cracks are already starting to appear. The Islanders take part in a compatibility challenge called, ‘Meet your Match’.

NOTE: This challenge is similar to Love Island TV show, S4 UK & S2 AU. The girls are tasked with ranking the boys from who they're most to least compatible by placing a heart-face emoji 😍 on the most compatible and a sad face on the least compatible. 😢

Brief sampling below of challenge:

Narrator Iain Stirling: It’s time for a challenge, and this one’s called ‘Meet Your Match.’ When our Islanders applied, they filled out detailed questionnaires. We have shamelessly stolen a load of confidential information from the  questionnaires for ‘The Compatibility Test’. And ran it through a complex algorithm on the Love Island supercomputer. Nay, okay, we showed it to Andy the Intern. And he ranked the five boys with each girl in terms of compatibility. The girls will take turns trying to rank the boys in order of their compatibility. They’ll place a love heart emoji 😍 on the boy she thinks is most compatible with them, and a sad face emoji 😢 on the least compatible boy. She will then arrange the rest of the boys. When she gets a boy in the right position, he steps back. Each girl gets one point for every boy she gets in the right place. Every time a girl needs to re-jig the order, she gets a mark. The girl with the least marks wins.

Marisol will play host as each girl tries to match the algorithm.

Marisol: Right, Priya, you’re up first.

Priya: Rahim, you go first because we like to travel and we like the same food. (She places the love heart emoji on her partner, Ibrahim.)

Iain Stirling: After three attempts, Priya got the order right with Gary the least compatible and Noah the most.

BH Hope: She rolls her eyes. “It’s just a bunch of algorithms. Numbers lie. Priya can have the piece of paper all she wants; she can’t do anything with it.”

BH Noah: “I don’t know what computer you guys are using. I don’t know how it all works, but, for some reason, myself and Priya seem to be compatible.”

Marisol is up next. Marisol puts her hands on her hips, looking the boys up and down.

Marisol: OK. So… Lucas, stay where you are.

BH Marisol: I mean, he’s also bloody gorgeous. So…

Marisol: Ibrahim, I’m gonna pop you right down the end, just cos we’ve already learned you’re not my type. (She places the sad face emoji on Ibrahim.)

BH Marisol: “I just put him at the bottom straight away without even giving him a chance. We just don't work.”

Her first attempt, from most compatible to least compatible: Lucas, Noah, Gary, Bobby, and Ibrahim

Grace: So, none are correct.

Marisol: None?

LAUGHTER

BH Bobby: “Don’t know why she was so surprised. The whole villa knows that Marisol doesn't really know what she wants. She's a bit all over the place with what she wants in a guy.”

Iain Stirling: Grab some popcorn, people; this could take some time.

Her third attempt from most to least: Bobby, Ibrahim, Lucas, Gary, Noah.

Grace: Noah is correct. You can step back.

BH Marisol: “I was so shit at that game. I'm literally guessing now.”

Marisol: Ooh, all right. OK. Gary you go up there.

Gary: Whoa! What?

Gary swaps with Bobby, and he places the love heart emoji on. Gary looks at you, and then his eyes flick to Marisol. This is awkward as fuck.

BH Grace: “No girl wants to see the boy she likes and the girl he used to be coupled up with have him rank as her most compatible.” (She sighed deeply.)

Marisol: That was a stitch-up.

Iain Stirling: It’s no ‘stitch-up. Andy, the Intern numbers were audited by Ben, the Intern. Five times, to be exact. Eventually, Marisol gets it right with Noah, the least compatible and Gary, the most. Lottie is up next.

Lottie strutted right up to the line of boys and smiled flirtatiously at Gary.

Grace (thinking): I think I’m going to be sick. At least Marisol seemed surprised that Gary was her most compatible.

Lottie: I’ll just get straight into it. Gary, stay put. (She exclaimed with a flip of her hair.) You do my bloody head in.

You side-eyed Lottie in annoyance. For fuck's sake.

A collective inhale of breath as the Islanders take in what she means. Your gaze briefly drifted toward Gary as you sought to measure his reaction. Gary shifts uncomfortably.

BH Gary: “I couldn’t look Grace in the eyes when that happened. So I was just like… Fuck!”

Iain Stirling: After three attempts, Lottie got the order right  with Ibrahim in top and partner Bobby in second. Next to work at her lineup is Grace.

Marisol reads out from the board your order of compatibility. He breaks out into a huge grin as Hope and Priya let out whoops.

BH Grace: “Oh, my god, this is perfect. Eh! Like, it makes me feel so good and so, like, relaxed.”

Iain Stirling: Grace has taken the lead after getting all of the  boys in order in just one attempt. Last to pick is Hope.

Marisol: Come on up, Hope.

Hope: I'll be gutted if we are least compatible. (She points to Noah.) That will play on my mind. Who knows what I’m letting myself in for… 

LAUGHTER

Hope: Noah, come to the front. I really hope this is right, you know.

Noah: So do I.  (Noah smiles shyly.)

Iain Stirling: As Marisol reveals if any of Hope’s rankings are correct, get ready for an ‘Ooh!’

She moves the boys around again.

Hope: Ibrahim and Noah swap.

Ibrahim pats Noah on the back.

BH Noah: “I started in the Premier League in Hope's, and I went down into the conference very quickly.”

Bobby: Awe. Poor old Noah.

Hope: This is stressful.

BH Hope: “Surely, youse didn’t pay for that test? You’re joking.”  (She is holding the love emoji face.) “This is Noah. This is what should have gone around his neck. But didn’t.”

Iain Stirling: Hope is stressing because, surprisingly, Noah was not ranked as her most compatible partner in the challenge. Andy, the intern, I've got one thing to say to you: top work, fella.

END NOTE: Special thanks to sparxaf for their insightful comments on Lottie and Ibrahim’s compatibility.

[theresnosinlondon]

Don’t Do It For Me - h.s. (part 3)

The one where Harry is a friend in need and - can they still be called complications? (1.5k)

I don't even know anymore - is this a short story now? A series of one-shots? All I know is that there will be a part 4.

Part 2

So, you thought you could be back in London and not tell me?

Men can be quite simple creatures sometimes, they really can. I had mostly taken a break from my phone whilst I was away. I favoured taking a camera out and about and kept my phone safe and hidden in my bag. I have gotten notifications of reactions or replies to my Instagram stories but ignored all of them in favour of absorbing the benefits of being away from London, the UK and work.

I had stepped foot back in Heathrow only five hours prior to the text - he really did have eyes everywhere. How he did it was beyond me. A man with a schedule that was so tight it almost overlapped. He has expressed before how the busier he was, the more productive he felt which, was all good and well, until the bags under his eyes were so heavy and sunken that he looked one meeting away from dropping.

I could sympathise - the idea of work being an escape from your life-questioning thoughts is quite appealing when you have a career that resembles your dreams as closely as possible. Throwing myself into a project that gives me freedom of creativity, interactions with interesting characters and puts me behind a camera has a therapeutic effect on my mind. The same must happen for him.

As much of a golden boy and all-around loved guy he was, he certainly had his fatal flaws, one of which was his lack of ability in the prioritising area. He absolutely adores his family and friends, but present the fella with an interesting project and he gets tunnel vision and that is all he can think about. He doesn't just hide behind his job - he becomes his job.

I wasn't aware I had to go through passport control with you too, H. Heathrow was a traumatic enough experience for my little brain. But yeah! Back on British soil!

His call came pretty soon after my text was read - one greeting led to a quick “you need to tell me everything about home��� and “I’ll grab some food and come over so we can catch up!” and next thing I knew, I was opening my front door and was greeted with a happy, cheesy face. A one-armed hug and a flick to my chin led him to squeeze past me and towards the living room.

He, as a person, baffled me. The way he so effortlessly made himself at home and started unpacking the food, all the while rambling about the restaurant being skimpy with veggies in their dishes, but the spices blend makes up for it - so he just orders extra greens. Such a boring opinion that still made me smile fondly at his drawled nonsense.

“So! How much did you miss me?” his exaggerated smile was flashed at me. “Must’ve been torture being away from me for such a long time.”

“Barely made it through,” I played along. “The scenery did make up for it, though.”

“Upstaged by a gorgeous view,” he tutted with faux disapproval. “Seriously though, when can I see your pictures?”

“And here I was, thinking you were here to catch up with your dearest friend.” I scoffed with a slight roll of my eyes. He glanced my way, pausing with a spring roll mid-air and just raised his eyebrows, giving me a smug look. He brought the roll to his mouth, maintaining eye contact whilst he crunched his way through a bite.

“And here I was, thinking you would jump my bones the second I walked through your door.” His scoff was playful and the quirk of his lips was an easy hint at his joking mood.

All I could do was smile at him - that man, with his rights and wrongs, with his wit, his cheekiness, his looks, his talent, his moments that warrant wide eyes and a question of “what in the actual hell?”, his soft demeanour contrasted with his “climbing the walls” bouts of uncontainable energy, the plethora of conversations we can carry, his face, his hands, his neck. That man right there, I did want to jump his bones.

“So,” I tried to think of how to word the question I was dying to ask. “How’s Jess?”

“Hm,” He rested his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, interlocking his fingers on his tummy. “Spoke to her the day you left.”

I stayed silent for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate but, ever the tease he was, he kept the momentum going and smiled slightly. “And?”

“And,” He purposefully prolonged the sound, only to spit out the rest of the sentence quickly. “We talked about taking a break to figure things out.”

I have never been known to have a strong poker face but I could usually mask my emotions and reactions to a certain extent - this time I think he could hear my eyes rolling.

“Well, that’s different, isn’t it?” My sentence was heavily accentuated by sarcasm.

“I know you don’t believe in breaks,” He sounded bored and done with the direction the conversation was taking. “And neither do I.” He chose that moment to lull his head to the side and make eye contact with me.

I pursed my lips to the side, feeling the want to wrap myself around him dwindle with each word said out loud. I should’ve seen it coming - he said he was ready to end a seemingly perfect relationship just after he strayed from his path. The fact that I even believed him was quite an insult to my own intelligence.

“I..” Words seemed to fail me in that exact instant, “don’t even know what to say, if I’m being honest.”

“Not much for you to say when that conversation ended with us breaking up.” His monotonous tone was quite disorienting, giving the weight of the words he spoke.

“Huh?”, was all I could come up with.

He heaved a heavy sigh, shuffling on the couch and sitting up straight. “I told you, I didn’t see it working with Jess anymore - I wasn’t going to mess her around any more than I already did.” His pressed lips and frowned eyebrows gave him a gloom look. “I had known, from the moment I met with her to talk, that it was going to end with us breaking up.”

I just kept staring at his profile, not really knowing if it was my place to comfort him or not. The bottom line was, he was my friend before we slept together, we cared for each other and we comforted each other when needed.

I reached out and tugged him by the arm, causing him to lean towards me sideways, with no resistance whatsoever, and his head to fall to my chest. To my surprise, he was quite malleable in my hands and fell into the embrace as if he was expecting it to happen. One arm around his shoulders and the other hand pushing his hair back, so I could kiss the top of his head - he let me cuddle him and let his weight fall onto me.

“I’m sorry, H,” I mumbled against his hair, “I know it’s a decision that you made, but I also know that it hurts all the same.”

“Mh,” he adjusted and held me around the waist, “it’s never easy to go through a breakup, I feel like shit. But you know what?”

I hummed, letting him speak.

“She took it on the chin and called me out on my bullshit,” his chuckle could be felt on my stomach. “When I used the work excuse, she straight up told me to ‘stop fucking around and just get on with it’.”

“Mh, you do like when a partner can put you in your place.”

“Equally as much as I like to put them in their place.” His comment was accompanied by a quick glance up towards me and a squeeze to my middle.

“Alright,” My fingers buried through his strands and gave a tug at his hair. “Let me be a supportive friend and a great host and make you a cuppa.”

“I don’t need your lousy tea,” he mumbled, snuggling his face in my chest, “do you have any nice wine?”

“So that’s why you wanted to come over! Steal all the wine I brought from home?”

“I mean, kind of.” He shrugged and laughed, refusing to let me go. “Seeing your face is also a plus.”

And that is how we ended up with a glass of fine Italian wine each, nibbling on some Chinese food and the pictures I took on my holiday mirrored to my TV. He ooh’d and aah’d at every peak of greenery and blue skies and bright sun he saw, all the while teasing and making jokes to keep the morale up.

His head on my shoulder and his fingers playing with mine were clearly innocent touches - innocent touches that escalated when he turned his face and buried it in my neck when his fingers left mine and took a hold of my nape, when his mouth travelled to my jaw, my cheek. It only took me a split second to sigh at my stupidity and then turn my face, meeting his lips with mine.

And, I suppose he was right - I did end up jumping his bones.

[creativeashproductions]

Magician Behind the Music // Owen Joyner

sagSummary: Being in a studio recording songs is an intimidating experience for anyone regardless of age. Wanting the best in the business for his soundtrack Kenny Ortega brings his cast to the best in the business. Heading the production is no ever than Y/N with a certain sparkle when it comes to the tall blonde.

Warning: Swearing, insecurity, oblivious!reader and fluff

Words: 2.1k

A/N: I know nothing about producing songs so I ended up winging it. About time I make a fic for Owen

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

The studio had the sound of music as a group of people walk down the hall of the building that housed world-renowned recording studio. The office chair was leaning back as a figure sat listening to the nearly finished album. Forest green Sanuk slip-on shoes on the feet of the individual the door opening wasn’t heard.

“Girls you wanna hear the finished product?” You questioned from your seat behind the large control panel. The four girls on the video chat excited responded enthusiastic band members.

Not needing anymore push the song replaced the one that had been playing as background noise. Sliding the volume up the music, you had both produced and featured played through the speakers. As the pre-chorus and the chorus came, you couldn’t help but start singing.

 I find peace in every story you told

 I think of you, I’ll never be alone

 It’s true, true, true

 You know I do, do, do

 Oh, I need you more than words can say

 Oh, you save me in ways that I can’t explain

 Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same

 Oh, I need you more than words can say

All five that poured themselves on the song couldn’t help but bop along with the catchy words and beat. By far, one of your most favourite songs you ever co-wrote, feature and produce. You and little Mix had been desiring to co-work on something for years now.

“That pre-chorus and chorus are the favourites of my career!” You excitedly announced glancing up the glass separating the booth from the control room. Your face found a handful of young adults and Kenny in the reflection.

“It’s gonna be a bop to sing!” Perrie agreed with her hair in messy space buns sitting at her computer desk in comfy clothes.

Jesy, Leigh-Anne and Jade wore similar loungewear in the safety of their homes after travelling out of LA back to England. An entire week spent solely on writing music and recording with a few sleepover nostalgic of the teen years.

“I gotta go. My next clients are here.” You told the excited British girl group before your cursor ended the video chat.

Pushing off with your toe on the floor, you faced the group seated taking in the awed expressions from the song. Part of you is annoyed at the blatant disregard of professionalism and the potential of the song being leaked.

“Charlie, Owen, Jeremy, and Madison this is my friend Y/N. She’s a musician, songwriter and a producer.” Kenny spoke, waving towards your seat position at the forefront of the control panel.

Your eyes gleamed brighter with the teal blue cable knit sweater paired with a pair of fitted blue jeans. The pros of being a producer in a recording studio meant the work attire was relaxed compared to desk jobs. It appeared this group was similar.

“Hello.” You spoke standing up to be closer to the group, “I believe you have a soundtrack needed? I’m Y/N Y/L/N. I’d like to ask that the song you overheard not be spoken about again.”

“I’m Charlie.” The brunette with a white hat put on backwards immediately shook your hand. Even with the hat, you could tell his hair was a gorgeous brown that contrasted his pretty eyes hazel green eyes.

“Hi Charlie.” You smiled at the male before stepping around him to the other three people in the room. The only other girl in the room was most definitely the lead of whatever show Kenny was currently doing.

“You’re Madison.” You spoke, taking in her youthful appearance and the quiet wisdom flowing within her eyes, the colour of dark coffee grounds. Her hair was down in her natural texture, resting on the shoulders of her muted olive green shirt.

“Jeremy.” Came from the shorter boy with startling rich dark brown almost black hair and eyes you couldn’t discern between blue or green. His cheeks a permanent pink flush but an infectious grin, “How are you?”

“My collaborators for a song liked it, and I’m not going to explain what you’ll be doing in the booth.” You replied gesturing to the enclosed space with the microphone and a stand of instruments.

Brushing off any other details you finally came to the only nameless individual in the room with the only blonde head of hair.

“Owen.” The blonde spoke softly with his eyes nearly begging to leave your expression with the anxiety building. This was so new for Owen, and unlike anything, he had ever experienced before in his life.

“Take a seat.” You motioned towards the long couch against the wall opposite the recording booth. It was a plus that extended couch perfect for a short nap after a near all-nighter. Your studio was the only one with such a good sofa.

“I’ve worked with Kenny on his Descendants series with the cast along with strictly only musicians. I say this with respect with Kenny, but if you don’t respect me or my process, I won’t hesitate to end this. It’s in the contract.” You sternly told the young individuals, “That being said. Your voice is an instrument that needs to be cared for. You need to be careful with it.”

The vocal coach dove into a more detailed list of the items not to be ingested by actors. The same thing happened with every new client you met after the horror film of a massacre a few years previous. As they went over, you looked over the schedule.

The binder was thick with the different songs in the series with jot notes in the margins. Kenny sat in the other chair, looking at them.

“So, Jeremy is the only one with experience?” You questioned glancing up at your elder with a look of curiosity. Kenny nodded with a fond smile, “Okay so let’s get his vocals for the first song recorded. That way, the others have a first-hand look at how it happens.”

Jeremy was quick to rid himself of his jacket to slide into the booth with the headphones resting on only one ear. In two hours, you had guided Madison and Charlie through their parts of this session. Your mouth opened to invite Owen into the booth but his demeanour concerned you.

“Kenny, how about we take a break for lunch?” You subtly guided Kenny to look at Owen before he quickly agreed.

Charlie was practically skipping out of the recording studio with his hands nudging Jeremy on his way out. Madison, led by her father, left right after leaving Owen to just about exit the room.

“Hey Owen?” You spoke, bringing the tensed young man’s attention, “Can you give me a moment?”

His head of thick blonde hair hesitantly nodded as Kenny followed the other cast members out of the room. Gently nudging the door closed you guided him to sit on the couch with you stationed in the office chair.

“First time recording is a bitch of pressure. I completely understand because I’ve guided people and been guided in the booth.” You began leaning forward to meet his eyes, “I know as someone with anxiety it’s intimidating. Let me know. Whatever you tell me will stay between us.”

Owen was quiet, “I’ve done other projects. I’ve never had the opportunity to have a role as a drummer. I guess this is overwhelming.”

“How about you hop into the room, and we mess around with a song?” You questioned, “I can show you how I produce if you’d like.”

“I’d like that.” Owen’s lips curved just a fraction into a ghost of a smile with the tension in his shoulders melting.

For the next two hours, you spent time in the booth explaining the equipment’s role in the recording. After he gave a short lyric, you invited him to sit by the soundboard with you to walk him through it. All the while, you shared the pizza you had ordered for both of you.

 “I started in the business as background vocals for a few bands before I delved into my own career as a musician. I believe I was about seventeen when I got to be part of people getting the songs ready for fans. I fell in love and find it more fun behind the soundboard.” You informed the blonde listening to a recent song you had finished.

“This is insanely cool. I think I’m ready to record my parts.” Owen admitted playing with his fingers. In response, you typed out a quick message to Kenny, bringing the other people back after a long break.

As much as you would have loved creating the soundtrack, it wasn’t possible with your other commitments. Leaving the work in Alana’s capable hands, you had been packing for your visit to the UK for performing the song with Little Mix. Owen, having the day off, had found himself in your apartment as he had for the last few weeks.

“Do you really have to go?” Owen whined, staring at with his head tilted back on the couch. Lips pursed in a pout and blue eyes shining sadly.

“As much as I would adore falling for that look, we both know I have to.” You admitted dropping packing to snuggle into his side, “What’s up with you lately?”

“What do you mean?” He questioned, rolling his head on the back of the couch you look at you. From the position, he couldn’t see your face, but that didn’t stop him from staring.

“It’s hard to describe, but you get flustered when certain songs come on. You’ve been ditching the cast to spend time with me.” You listed off, staring off into the distance, “You got Charlie to drive in the opposite direction of your work to pick me up.”

“What kind of songs?” Owen inquired with one arched eyebrow high. You shifted to stare up at the soft look in his pretty blue eyes.

“It was some duet from that tv series about the High School Musical films…” Your sentence trailed off as everything clicked, “You have feelings for me.”

“Thought it was blatantly obvious. I danced with you in the rain at midnight while I sang to you. I think that’s the most obvious action.” Owen chuckled brushing a strand of hair behind your ear as he took in the startled expression

Owen had walked you home after a late recording session with the cast talking each other’s ear off with different subjects. His hand had slid into yours as he tugged you into the ice cream shop on the way; a scoop each. His eyes glued to every move you made with passion behind every single word.

“-they came to me about a song. It’s a surprise for Kenny, I suppose.” Your one holding the ice cream cone nearly went flying with the motion you made. Your other clasped in Owen’s without even realizing it.

“So, it’s the last song you’ll be helping us on, right?” Owen asked halting to toss the napkin from his cone in the closest bin. You followed suit while intertwining your fingers back together.

“The girls want to do a short little radio tour to promote the single. It would be a month most likely to brainstorm new ideas for songs. We’ve all agreed to collaborate in the future.” You informed the nineteen-year-old. He was a year and a half younger than you.

“When-”

Your sudden squeal cut him off as the sky opened up to a sudden pouring of rain on the two of you. Had you not been so focused on the conversation you would have seen the cloudy sky and the light drizzle of rain.

“Whoa!” Owen laughed, tugging you into his arms in a complete act of spontaneity. His voice softly singing one of your favourite songs.

As he twirled you around in the rain, he serenaded you with Edwin McCain’s song ‘I’ll Be’ unapologetically sharing a piece of himself. It seemed the universe took pity on the male by allowing him to dance smoothly with his friend.

“This is my favourite song.” You giggled as he dipped you with one of your legs in the air. The joy in your features melting the actor’s heart.

“You’ve been playing it every day for the last week.” Owen beamed, leaning his forehead on yours as he trailed off the end of the song, “I’ve memorized every lyric in it.”

With rainwater dripping down your nose the words settled in your mind cementing something you had been only slightly aware of. Playing that song often meant one thing: you had deep feelings for someone.

The someone being Owen Joyner.

“I’m kind of stupid.” You snorted turning to wrap your arms around his neck, “I’ve got no doubts I fell in love with you in that dance.”

Owen’s grin preceded a toe-curling kiss that was the first of many that would happen.

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[hlcreators]

AUTHOR REC:  jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom 

Be sure to show some love by leaving kudos and comments! 

Seven Simple Words (15k)

It’s not like he and Louis were a couple. No, they might have been a lot of things—best mates and colleagues with a seemingly convenient friends-with-benefits arrangement—but never a couple. It wasn’t Louis’ fault he didn’t feel the same way and couldn’t reciprocate Harry’s feelings in the way he’d wanted, the way he’d needed. Harry had allowed himself to get in too deep, his entire being aching to be loved back by the object of his affections. But in love, as in life, you don’t always get what you want.

OR the one where you don’t always get what you want the first time around, but sometimes the universe decides to give you a second chance at getting it right.

Feels So Right (8.8k)

The emcee leans in between them, handing over his mic to the blue-eyed vision. “You know what? Someday… Someday you guys might thank me for this...”

OR the one where Louis is Troy, Harry is Gabriella, and we find out what really happened after karaoke at that ski resort...

Wonderland (4.3k)

Louis has always loved lazy mornings in bed with his mate, but now that his Omega is carrying their pup, they’ve reached a whole new level of wonderment.

OR the one where Louis loves to worship his Omega’s body and Harry loves to let him.

The Baby Whisperer (18k)

Harry’s newborn baby is having trouble sleeping and nothing he does seems to work. Tired and alone and at his wits end, Harry is at a loss until a new neighbour arrives to turn his world upside down.

OR the one where being neighbourly takes on a whole new meaning.

Fuck U Betta (11k)

There’s something about having Louis like this, exposed and desperate, that makes a primal urge bubble up from deep inside Harry’s chest. Desire mixed with something else, something unquantifiable. It’s the thing that makes them want this, need this. Nothing else will satisfy them or quench their thirst.

OR the one where Harry likes the thrill of the chase, Louis likes to be chased, and everyone gets what they need… in the end.

Caves End (39k)

When a recurring injury cuts short Harry’s time as the Captain of the English Football Team, he needs to rethink his career and his future. His best mate and manager, Niall, decides that what Harry really needs is a change of scenery, time to relax, and to get some perspective on his life. What Harry doesn’t expect is for them to end up in Australia, on a farm, with the most gorgeous man he’s ever laid eyes on.

OR the one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.

When Tomorrow Comes (11k)

When Louis and Niall are partnered up to complete a project on Omega scents and how they effect the nesting behaviours of Alphas, little does Louis know that the course of his life is about to be forever altered.

OR the one where Louis is an Omega who has been keeping himself pure for his Alpha, Harry is a traditional Alpha focusing on his studies while he waits to find his bondmate, and Niall is a sneaky bastard who keeps borrowing Louis’ clothes and never returning them.

You Drive Me WIld (5k)

Most people would think that keeping a tube of lube hidden behind the driver’s side visor of their car is foolish and completely unnecessary, but then most people don’t have to chauffeur Louis Tomlinson around for a living.

OR the one where Harry has a brilliant idea to while away the time as he waits around for his boss but fate decides to rain on his parade... or maybe it’s the universe answering his prayers.

No Going Back (56k)

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

Strong Enough (20k)

“So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?”

Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

Shine (13k)

“How does it feel?” Harry asks, genuine curiosity evident in his voice.

Louis lets his eyes drift closed and focuses on the sensations. “It’s like… like I’ve got hands all over me, touching me, inside and out, and…” Louis tries to zone in but it’s so hard to describe. “It’s like I’m being stimulated everywhere all at once.” As if on cue, his nipples and earlobes start tingling and he arches his back. “Oh fuck, yeah.”

OR the one where Louis has a thing for the sun and Harry is more than happy to indulge his sunshine boy.

If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow) (55k)

Harry looks so intensely into Louis’ eyes it’s as though he’s reaching in and touching his very soul. “I never thought… I never… I’ve been searching for so long, Louis, but I never gave up. I couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop trying,” Harry says, bottom lip trembling as he strokes the backs of Louis’ knuckles. “I just knew that if you were out there, I’d find you somehow.”

OR the story of how one man’s love changed the world.

Everything I Do (16k)

Harry’s ready, has been for a while now, and he’s fairly certain Louis is too, it just hasn’t been on the top of their priority list. There have been offhand mentions, a comment here and there, more in jest than anything, no serious discussion or consideration. Harry stands up straighter, a stomach-churning thought forming in his mind. Has Louis been waiting for him to ask?

OR the one where Harry finds a book of Elizabethan courtship rituals which sets in motion a series of events that can lead to only one conclusion.

Playing To Win (36k)

Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.

OR the one where Louis really doesn’t want to like Harry, Harry is struggling to quell his growing fondness for Louis, but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t fight fate.

Exposed (666)

Louis should really stop agreeing to do favours for his friends while drunk, especially when they result in him becoming a live-art model…

Forever And Always (25k)

“Right,” Harry says and slaps his hands down on the kitchen benchtop. Now he just has to get home, find this poor Niall guy who is currently camped out in his body, and have them swapped back. What could possibly go wrong?

OR the one where Harry’s neighbour is a crotchety old witch who hates vampires, Niall is the unsuspecting human who ends up inhabiting Harry’s body, and Louis is the caseworker who is assigned to swap them back. How it ends up a love story is anyone’s guess.

Going My Way (20k)

"Hey Harry. Really sorry to do this to you but an emergency has come up with Vera’s mum and we’ve had to jump a flight home. My mate Louis is going to take over my LYFT clients while I’m away. He’s got my car and my phone and everything else. Hope that’s okay. He’s a good guy and I think you two are going to get along brilliantly. Catch you soon, Benny."

OR the one where Harry gets a replacement LYFT driver, Louis is just trying to earn some extra cash before the baby arrives, and they both end up with way more than they bargained for.

Up For It (18k)

Each year, the five friends take a lads holiday; it’s tradition, and this year is shaping up to be a jam-packed, fun-filled trip with their best mates just like all the rest... or is it?

OR the one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.

With Words Unspoken (18k)

At forty-nine, Louis hadn’t envisioned being at a crossroads in his life; kids, grandkids, an ex-wife, and completely at a loss as to what direction his future will take. When he finds himself drawn back to a cabin in the Californian wilderness that’d he’d visited fifteen years earlier, an acquaintance from his past triggers an awakening deep inside and reveals a new path that he could never have imagined.

OR The one where Louis is lost, Harry is an excellent tour guide, and age is no barrier to finding the love of your life.

Henry and Lewis (4.3k)

PART 1 SUMMARY: Louis hangs out in his local coffee shop to work on his weekly WordPlay Prompt, speaks to his beloved muse aka Harry the gorgeous barista, embarrasses himself in front of said muse, and receives a comment on AO3 from his favourite reader.

SERIES SUMMARY: Every Tuesday, Louis spends his day off holed up in his favorite coffee-come-bookshop, writing his little stories as part of the WordPlay challenge while daydreaming about the resident barista, Harry. Each week a new word prompt is revealed and Louis adds to his series of short stories about Henry, the owner of a B&B in the Cotswolds who has curly hair and dimples, Lewis, his long term guest who just happens to be a writer, and Tigger, Henry’s cat.

As Louis and Harry’s friendship develops, could his fantasy world spill out into real life? And how does that reader who leaves the lovely comments with the teacup emoji seem to be able to read Louis’ mind?

Smuturdary (4.1k)

Louis struggles with this week's WordPlay prompt before finding inspiration, and a date, in an unexpected place, and could there be more going on with his favourite reader than he originally thought.

Tea For Two (4k)

Louis grapples with what to do about his new found suspicions over his favourite readers real-life identity.

Life Imitating Art (6.8k)

Louis is taken on a very real journey through his fic back catalogue - life has never imitated art so salaciously.

Entertain Me (5.3k)

All good things must come to an end, including the WordPlay challenge. But while Louis has mixed emotions about its end, and struggling to make sense of the final prompt, he is relishing every aspect of his newly revitalised personal life.

Play Me A Memory (26k)

Louis lives with his nine-year-old son Jake in a peaceful beachside community on the east coast of Australia, working as an entertainment coordinator at the local five-star resort. Harry is a recluse who lives on millionaires row and writes musical scores for blockbuster movies. When the roots of a wayward willow tree create havoc at his home, Harry is forced to stay at the resort while repairs are carried out.

Cue matchmaking storms, muffin preferences, laughter, love, and a whole lotta music.

The Cyber Sphere (17k)

As the author of The Cyber Sphere, a series of best-selling books which have spawned seemingly limitless spin-offs, Louis Tomlinson hides away from the world in his fortress-like London penthouse. But when he decides to interact with the host of The Cyber Times radio program, Dermot O’Leary, on Twitter, it causes a fandom meltdown and offers him hope for a future he’d never imagined.

OR the one where Liam likes to think he’s Batman, Dermot has terrible taste in sporting teams, and Louis should really get a cat.

Surprise Me, Space Boy (7.1k)

Louis is a solo officer on Space Station Zeta and the isolation can present many challenges, not least of which is that it’s really bloody hard to date. He’s pinning his hopes on that changing with a fellow solo officer, Harry, from a neigbouring station who gives great banter and has a gorgeous smile. Maybe online dating has its benefits after all?

OR The Space Wank Fic.

Harry Poppins (32k)

When Louis’ best friends pass away he finds himself with an instant family. Maddie and Thomas are wonderful children but take an immediate dislike to every nanny that sets foot inside their house. After nanny number six is summarily dismissed Louis is at his wit’s end, that is until an unusual man arrives on their doorstep. Harry Styles is like nothing any of them have ever encountered before, and perhaps, exactly what they’ve been looking for all along.

My One And Only (Desire) (500)

Harry is his, only his, and Louis belongs to Harry just as completely. They consume each other, in life, in love, in every way two people can.

Take Me Down Slow (Don’t Let Me Go) (26k)

Louis has always felt different. Not necessarily on the outer realm of societal norms, but pretty damn close to the edge. As an Omega, he’s supposed to want certain things; to want to raise a family, to want to build a life with a partner, and to want that partner to be an Alpha.

Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

OR the one where Louis wants to find the right kind of partner to love, Niall hates snowboarding, Liam wants to settle down, Harry is really good with his hands, and mother nature could be the thing that changes everything.

Soup Of The Day (19k)

It had been the single minded goal for them since college and seemed simple enough. 1. Study hard. 2. Open their dream restaurant. 3. Take the culinary world by storm.

What could possibly go wrong?

Or the Restaurant AU where Louis and Niall are chefs, Chicago is windy, and cracking the big time is harder than they ever imagined. But when a mysterious man starts grading Louis' soups by leaving little piles of rocks, could it be just the thing they need to get them on the road to success?

The Clock Strikes New Year (9.6k)

Louis senses people moving around behind him and cranes his neck left to right. The store is quiet, just staff and Louis and Harry, but all of the other salespeople appear to have gravitated to where they are to watch the little runway show Harry is putting on. He can’t blame them really, Harry is a sight to behold, but it makes him chuckle anyway.

“Okay, Lou, you ready for me?” Harry calls from the change room.

“As I’ll ever be, baby. Get out here!”

Harry comes into view and Louis’ breath catches in his throat.

OR Harry was homeless, but now he has Louis. Louis was lonely, but now he has Harry. And there’s more than one way to see fireworks on New Year’s Eve.

The Bet (2.4k)

Louis Tomlinson never reneges on a bet. Ever.

He may be many things - a joker, a sometimes-wayward student, a loyal friend, a Tony Award winner in the making, and a card-carrying member of the Chad Michael Murray fan club - but never, ever, a welcher. Louis makes good on his promises and does it with flare.

OR The one where Louis misjudges Harry's ability to do TLC's Waterfall rap and finds himself having to put on a one-man show for his viewing pleasure. If Louis decides to go all-in and dress the part, then that's just a bonus for his (very appreciative) one-man audience.

Heat (2.4k)

Louis was smitten from the moment Harry had arrived a month ago. Long, curly hair which he mostly keeps up in a bun, and a sinfully deep voice. Cheeky too. Louis likes that the best. He gives good banter and laughs at Louis’ dumb jokes, adding his own woeful puns. When Louis had asked him why he was in this godforsaken dust bowl, he’d said something about a ground crew traineeship and fulfilling his visa requirements while experiencing the real Australia. Louis had been momentarily distracted by Harry’s plush, red-bitten lips so the salient details may have washed over him.

OR Drinking beer in a blow-up pool, in a backyard, in stupidly hot temperatures, in outback Australia should be ridiculous, and it would be, if Louis didn't have a curly-haired workmate to keep him company.

Whisper The Wind (36k)

Louis’ father has political ambitions and decides it’s time for Louis to step up as the company’s Chief Financial Officer. Louis thinks this is a monumentally stupid idea. After storming off in a rage he has a chance meeting with a tall, dark, curly haired stranger. A technical glitch with their shared elevator finds Louis spending twenty minutes with the most intriguing man he’s ever met. Unfortunately the man is leaving London the very next day and moving to Australia to work at his mates surf school. Timing, as they say, can fuck right off.

Fast forward three years and Louis is miserable, a shadow of the man he once was, working in his father’s company, and hating every moment. At his thirtieth birthday party, surrounded by people he doesn’t know or doesn’t like, he decides to throw it all in and follow the impossible dream. Happiness, a fulfilling life, and someone to love. The question is, will that dream be found ten thousand miles away on a sandy beach, with a curly headed surfer dude?

Or the one where Louis rides an elevator that may change his life forever, Harry loves the ocean but is a terrible surfer, Liam proves not all heroes wear capes, and Niall might actually have all the answers.

The Clock Strikes Christmas (10k)

The clock ticks over to midnight and Niall strikes the match, lighting the candle and looking expectantly at Louis. “Time to make all your dreams come true. What’s your birthday wish Tommo?”

Louis stares into the flame and wonders. Closing his eyes, he thinks of cold winter nights curled up by the fire, driving along country roads holding hands across the console, laughter and warmth and a sense of belonging. An image creeps into his mind, blurry and shimmering. Curls, green eyes, milky white skin. Louis sucks in a deep breath, opens his eyes and blows.

The lights in the pub go out and the music stops, time seems to be teetering on the edge of something, like the crest of a roller coaster before the fall.

Then the pub surges back to life. “Sorry about that folks! Damn storm must be coming.” The bartender shouts out.

Niall is staring at him, mouth agape, before regaining his composure. “Must’ve been a helluva wish Tommo.”

Louis is a little stunned himself, but blinks out of it and laughs. “Yeah, must’ve been.”

OR the one where Louis needs someone to love, Harry needs a miracle, and sometimes, wishes really do come true

The Prince Of Light (35k)

Louis was found abandoned at a hospital at six months old and adopted by an older couple who raised him. Now twenty, he studies by night and by day works as a live-in au pair for a family with three little girls. One of the girls, Holly, swears there is a Garden Fairy coming and eating treats she leaves out in the cubby house each night.

When the family goes away for a two week holiday, Louis is secretly tasked with feeding the Fairy. While laying out the food one night he falls from the cubby house and is found by Harry. Harry is different and Louis is fascinated. But as Louis learns how different Harry really is, he discovers his own true home and a very surprising past he never knew.

Cue badgers, bananas and cookies, soulmates, a whole other world, and a future he’d never imagined.

Clouds On Curtis (9.6k)

A wave of comfort sweeps over Louis like a blanket as he allows himself a moment to imagine the possibilities. His past failures and disappointments feel like they are ebbing away, like shackles falling from his limbs. The burdens he's been bearing and the guilt he’s been carrying slipping away into the ground with each step he takes.

Harry reaches for the door and pauses, holding the handle he turns to face Louis.

“Are you ready for the adventure to begin?” Harry looks at him with hope in his eyes, dimple cratering in his left cheek.

“Absolutely, I’m all yours.” Louis says, wide smile breaking across his face, feeling the crinkles appear at the corners of his eyes.

In that moment he is sure of it. Surer than he's been about anything for years. This is exactly where he’s supposed to be. This is his second chance.

Or the one where Louis is a chef who is looking for a chance to start over, Harry’s restaurant needs the right chef to make his dream come to life, Niall is a cook who desperately wants to be a chef, and Liam just wants to be happy. Together, can they turn their dreams into reality?

[vgriffindor]

aMusketeer Fanfic Master Post

Calling all Musketeers! We’re all in need of a serious dose of our favourites, amirite? I’ve seen a few queries floating around lately asking for some great Muskie fanfic recommendations. I thought I’d do 20 weekly posts, each with a different theme, and ask for your help! There are a ton of great Muskie fics out there, let’s help each other discover them.

How this works: For each theme, please give me your TOP recommendation. It can be a one-shot or multiple chapters, complete or still a WIP, your own or some one else’s, just shout about that one fic that fits the theme and you want people to READ! Reblog to spread the word, with your recommendation and tag me @vgriffindor, or DM your recommendation so that I can post it! I’ll keep each theme as a pinned post up/keep adding to it for the entire week.

Week #2: AUs

It sure is fun to place these four in a different world, and see how they react! Whether it’s the quiet heaven of a bookstore, the flirty, caffeinated vibes of a coffee shop, the perfume of a flower shop, the hard-bitten reality of a detective bureau, or just about anything else you can think of, the boys seem to handle whatever universe we throw at them with their trademark personalities and humour intact.

Midsomer Musketeers by Suzie_Shooter: Exactly what you think and want this to be, when you combine the Musketeers and Midsomer Murders. 

Fraternité et Égalité by BazinMousqueton: Clever, funny, sexy and gorgeously written modern AU in an architectural firm’s office. Slash, but not explicit, almost everyone is bi, and the whole thing is perfection.

(Below is all due to the hard work and enthusiastic response from @animanightmate! Thank you, you are awesome!)

E: yeah, you got me by cherryfeather - modern au graduation party oone-shot with a game of spin the bottle that gets angsty with forthcoming farewells and then very fulfilling indeed.

T: Chapter 10 of the collection of unrelated shorts (very short) His Smile Me Draws, His Frown Drives Me Away by akathecentimetre is entitled  In Goodly Colors Gloriously Arrayed and is a modern au where the lads are working for the Sûreté in Paris (though it’s never confirmed precisely as what) and it’s basically a series of three (the original Inseparables) character studies as they get used to being Responsible Adults. No filth... well, apart from Aramis’s feet...

G: Fancy is a very short modern au short by AnathemaDevice about the cats owned by (or owning) the various season three characters. Includes one of the most beautiful word-sketches of Sylvie I’ve yet read.

E: Mis Adventures by Doom Canary is an utterly filthy, modern British police au short featuring a trans male character that blew my mind in the best ways. If there’s a plot, I blinked and missed it.

T: born like a vapor by mellyflori is - and I can’t believe I’m typing this - a modern au where two of the Four are genies (yep, you read that correctly). It is utterly, unforgettably gorgeous, and just works. Angsty and charming, and has one of the most elegant solutions I’ve seen for “what happens with Constance?” The world-building is done so well it’s almost seamless, and I’m weak for that kind of thing.

T: Brand New Start is a short modern office au by potentiality_26 from Constance’s perspective and is melancholy, sweet, and vivid. OT3 but nothing graphic.

E: One in Ten Thousand by breathtaken is a novel-length modern soul bonds au that, as usual with her, subverts the trope and delves deep into the psyche of an intensely depressed Athos who was in no way prepared to meet his soulmate. It’s hard going at times, but utterly beautiful and very hot.

M: my heart upon my sleeve by cherryfeather is a novel-length modern Shakespearean actors au and I avoided it for ages because the synopsis was written in a deliberately tabloid style and I assumed the whole thing was like that. It is not - it is the most elegant, eloquent, literally tear-tugging bit of angst and mutual pining I’ve ever encountered, and takes in: hurt/comfort, Only One Bed, and friends-to-lovers tropes along the way. Basically, if they were a character in the first two seasons of the original, she finds a place for them in this gorgeous work.

E: The Humbling River (author unknown) is the only A/B/O fic that I will ever recommend, ever. This short is canon era, but I guess it still counts as au? I fell into it accidentally, but it was written so well that I didn’t care about the premise.

E: Une histoire de bleu by ceeturnalia is long. A 100k word modern day au where the lads are security specialists for a private firm in Paris. It is vividly stark and lushly compassionate in one go, and also explores a developing D/s relationship in great detail, so if that’s not your bag, that’s the main core of the story. And it’s handled so well that I have zero hesitation in recommending it, even though that in itself is not really my thing. It’s just so very, very good and, even at that length, still manages to be very tightly written.

M: Death in Waiting by Suzie_shooter is your actual 1920s country house murder mystery with all our favs (seasons 1 and 2 anyway) in a short-novel-length interbellum piece of Upstairs-Downstairs only of course there’s lots of forbidden sex all over the place, and a genuinely gasp-inducing (at least in me) set of reveals.

M: Still Waters by evilmaniclaugh is a modern office au with a twist. It’s porn with a plot (and a great deal of angst), and is startlingly hilarious in places (for good reasons, I promise).

M: Gentlemen of the Road by Suzie_shooter is a highwayman au set, from my vague enough understanding of the descriptions, about 100 years or so after the canon era. As usual for S_s, it’s Athos/Porthos pairing, from the perspective of Porthos, and I keep coming back to it, for the humour, the story, and the sex. Bonus points for Ninon and Rochefort showing up, and our brief glimpses of d’Artagnan being an utter little shit.

M: Mise en place by breathtaken is a short series featuring season 3 characters as chefs. And it’s stunningly beautiful, intimately told from a conflicted Constance’s perspective (something I’m utterly weak for) and I want there to be more because dammit - food and polyamory and found family and so many of my favourite things and I wish she was going to write more and aaaaah. Anyway, everyone is bi and kinky and I am so there for that...

I have so many of these, but I’m going to leave it here while I retain any shred of sanity or dignity, and finish by telling you about my own only (so far) modern au, entitled Summoned (rated M), set in modern-day Cambridge, UK, complete with references to Brexit and climate change, and a detailed depiction of the Fitzwilliam Museum. The MacGuffin is a museum anti-heist. Or is it reincarnation? Or music? Or synaesthesia? WHO KNOWS?! Anyway, it’s 75k+ words of conversations, misunderstandings, music, musings, museum architecture, poetry, stolen kisses, awkward flirting, and confusing flashbacks. There is one extended explicit sex scene and the rest is more along the lines of innuendo and a great deal of heated kissing. And I wrote it in about fives weeks and am rather proud of it, actually.

[alipeeps]

New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)! 

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.  

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D 

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped! 

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D 

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine. 

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy​, @arlothia​, @howdydowdy​, @thepromiseweheldforlife​ and @the-wandering-whumper​!

[johns-prince]

Idk one thing that makes me think that John was bi and definitely more attracted to males is this: Yoko said that John was into beauty and although she's full of shit and awful I believe her on this one. Before you rip me apart I really love Cyn and May, but if you really look at the women and the men in his life it's clear that John had a thing for boys. The guys he was the closest to were absolutely gorgeous ( Stu was stunning, Brian was handsome as fuck and Paul was beyond gorgeous ) /

Like I said I really love them so please don't take it bad but when you look at his women you can't really Say the same thing about them: Cyn and May were really average and Yoko well... Yoko definitely looked like a bloke, I agree with John. Now, if John was really into beauty, he would have find gorgeous women, but nope! Idk if you see what I'm talking about, but to me it's clear that he was into males' beauty, much more than women

Hi, I’ve decided to give a go at this lol I don’t think my response makes any bloody sense but I tried, apologies in advance anyhow.

While Yoko is extremely wishy-washy, fickle with shit she’s decided to say and share in interviews and such, there are certain things she’s said that hold some kernel of truth or we should at least take note of. It’s rather easy to know when she’s spewing literal horseshit from her mouth, while other times, she might be giving us some important insight, though those little tidbits of what we could consider relevant she always tried retracting [often because it doesn’t help her or their image much] 

Though I wouldn’t say I needed Yoko claiming both her and John were into beauty [I mean, we all kind of are, but I digress, I understand] to believe it, because, and let me be weird for like a second, John’s a Libra. They covet beautiful things. Beauty is just, part of their inherent likes, to admire beauty.

That and, being an artist, I’m sure he did have a thing for “beauty.” too.

Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, subjective, all that philosophical jazz, but I understand what you mean.

I’m not going to rip you apart, because I hold a rather “controversial” opinion in regards to Paul’s wife Linda-- that is, we’re allowed to see these people contrary to what we assume the ‘bandom’ might push as the ‘’right/acceptable’’ and expected opinions.

We’re individuals, I don’t expect you to hold the same opinions, and I do enjoy hearing what people have to say as long as they’re clearly open, civil, friendly-like is always nice too. So, no, I shan’t rip into you lol 

I see where you’re coming from. 

For me, I find May very pretty, and I think Cynthia was pretty [cor that doesn’t really attest to if they were average pretty or not, I don’t know, but I can see why you see that, I do. I personally find Cynthia incredibly average looking, dare I say plain, when she was much younger, before doing her hair blonde and all that] But then again, compared to Yoko... well.

What Ronnie Hawkins said at the end of this interview, is the nicest way to put how I feel about Yoko in terms of her appearance;

“...what I couldn’t understand that he didn’t have about four or five of the most beautiful women in the world with him, because he could have.”

I know it might come off as insulting but it’s not like we were the one’s to say it first-- John was the one to say Yoko reminded him of a bloke in drag, so. 

I can’t say I’ve ever thought of it this way though, or took noticed like you did.

I think it depends. 

Dude clearly had a thing for drag queens and transvestites, even at an early age. 

I agree, many, most of John’s relatively close male friends were very attractive, very pretty, handsome; though there’s no 100% solid evidence that John felt any strong particular way towards Stu and Brian like he did towards Paul [that is, obviously something sexual happened between John and Brian, but I think that was mainly John experimenting and having the right sort of individual he could do so with, safely, and he might have pitied Brian in a way but, I don’t think he’d meant to hurt Brian or anything. I personally don’t agree it was a powerplay either] John indeed appeared attracted to, or at least drawn to, effeminate, feminine boys.

Not saying all his close male friends were effeminate, femboys [Pete Shotton, Mal Evans...] but I suppose we’re mainly talking about the individuals that, besides being “close”[I also think we could have a discussion of what it meant to be a close friend of John’s, because even if someone might’ve thought themselves close friends with John, they actually weren’t-- not many were; Paul was possibly the closest to close a male friend/relationship John could’ve had, besides Pete] have been rumored he’d had some sort of infatuation or tryst with, like Stu and Brian; Mick Jagger was a very pretty boy, those full lips and relatively soft features accentuated by the longer hairstyles of the 60s and 70s [whether you believe something happened between Mick and John is really up to you, I’m relatively neutral on it I don’t know, but there certainly was a lot going on during this [x] [x] [x] get together between them] and David Bowie is 100% an effeminate boy, and there had been this story, whether it’s true or not I don’t know so take it with absolutely a grain of salt, where a server or whoever caught note of a familiar pair of boots in a stall that belonged to John, David, but another pair of feet which could’ve been anyone, when at a party he’d attended with Yoko. Wish I could find the damn source for it [just another thing I wish I had cataloged better, damn me] 

Side note, I honestly believe John would’ve been rather interested in Tara Browne had it not been for the fact Tara was Paul’s friend, a friend who was very attractive, and artsy and bisexual, and Paul really seemed to dig him [though I do not believe Paul held any deeper feelings for Tara, as much as Tara might’ve had a crush on Paul]-- which had John feeling threatened and his jealousy/possessiveness shot through the bloody rooftops, as we know. Tara was to John as Stu was to Paul. 

I don’t know, you may be right. 

I personally believe John leaned more towards men specifically because he just seemed to enjoy, was happier, and was much more comfortable their company, friendship, the bond, more than women, but despite being gay or in a same-sex relationship wasn’t illegal in the UK anymore in 1967 [oh what a year] it was still easier to be with women than men, openly anyway.

Just because something becomes legal doesn’t mean culture and society are really on track with it, if you get what I mean. 

But anyway, yeah, I could see it, him being more attracted to “male beauty,” more than “female beauty,” if he were to lean more towards men in his bisexuality. I don’t know.

Anyway there’s my answer, it’s non-coherent, I’m sorry lol

Clearly John couldn’t officially be with the person he wanted to be with though, who was a man, because of issues and reasons we can only begin to assume and possibly pinpoint. Nobody can hold a candle to Paul, he is a bloody Adonis, and I’m sure John would’ve agreed, begrudgingly or partly jokingly. That and John’s soulmate.

I’m 100% they fooled about, and like 85%-90% positive they fucked. 

[ibadiaranomoakin]

WAR SAVIOURS In Bristol, UK, this young man of about 35 years old always had a beautiful life with his wife. It has been tales of love and grace. All he feels for her is undiluted love, warmth and happiness. Love so overpowering and genuine. They do not have children yet. But she is heavy with their first baby now. When their child is born. He will love him, her, them with the same ferocity. He has been so blessed, he smiled, she massages his neck and back at will. He loves it. Sometimes he lies awake, watching her sleep. she is gorgeous. "I will guide and protect her with my life". He pledges. Their marriage is now five years. He got married to her when he was thirty years, she was twenty one years old at the time. He had know her since he was twelve years old and she was three. The British government made sure they were trained with equal skills even as they have nine years difference between them. They are originally from Tehran, Iran. During the Iraq-iran war; “First Gulf War" or "Holy defence" The Persian rebelion: as called among the Iranians which began on 22nd of September 1980, the time Iraq invaded Iran. At the height of it all. This young boy of about 12 years old had ran away from being recruited to carry a bomb to detonate at the Jahan square. In his mind, he wants to make to get to some kind of safety, any safety, anything strong enough to protect him and get him out of this godforsaken place. In his short life, all he ever knew was strife, struggles and hostilities. His eyes had seen so much, such that could have made him ruthless,wicked amd mean. But then how does that make him different from the ones that rained down the terror on his land. The kind of hell he had seen in his young life made him so shrewd, guarded and sad. The war here is not fought with the grey swords, here there are no combining of swords with the dance, it is not those hand-to-hand combat moves for a ferocious battle. No, not at all! In Iran, they shoot everything that moves, young old or cripple. Bombs & grenades are thrown at will. Things are blows up People are blown up Place are shredded to pieces Settlements are levelled. This was the life he knew. . While he ran, he dodged and docked away from flying bullets all above his head. Shattered houses, maimed bodies and lifelessness in his front and behind him. Bullets nearly touching him. His clothes are torn in shreds. It was a hopeless place, this land. That was when he saw it. No, he saw her. A little bundle huddled up at one corner of the street. Covered Alive. But shaking visibly. Probably praying for a miracle Or, Waiting for the bullet to hit. Then he went closer and lifted the ivory coloured hijab. There she was, one of the most beautiful little human he had ever laid his eye upon. She was holding her hands to both her ears, little hands trying to block the loud battle sounds away. Eyes tightly shut. Still shaking She looked up at him With the strangest of eyes Blue and green little streams filled with brimming tears. A tiny being of just about three years old. Without much of a thought, he scooped her up and continued his mad run towards God knows where. While they fled, several bullet escaped his ears by threads. He then came accross this tall white man who had two cameras hanging from his chest. Though he was recording with his pocket camera. The man stopped them and asked What he had in his arms. "My little sister", he responded. She is all I have. The reporter is a British citizen from Bristol. He swung into action and taken them with him, they broke in to a mad run again, and this time, they head straight for the British embassy. There, the young boy and his precious little sister were flown out of Iran, straight to the united Kingdom, Bristol to be precise. Being that they are both minors. The British Government had provided for them in the form of a home with carers.

The photographer was made one of their guardians.

The full story is on my facebook story wall.

@ life tales by Ibadi'aran

[camwritesbooks]

my twenty-eighteen reading recap ♥

inspired by @brynwrites  reading recap, here is my reading recap of twenty-eighteen, sorry it’s a bit late! I read quite a few books in the past year, but here are my top five of the past twelve months. feel free to comment or make your own post of what you enjoyed reading in twenty-eighteen!

one. the diviners by libba bray (★★★★★)

this series is my new favourite and honestly I haven’t read many things for original, clever and well-written as these books in a long time. I’m currently reading lair of dreams, the sequel to the first (which bears the same name as the overall series). the diviners is about, among many other characters, evie o’neil, a magically-gifted young american girl in the 1920s who is sent to live with her uncle in new york. then the murders start happening. the characters of this series are all so beautiful and developed and libba bray has clearly put such a great effort into making her series diverse and researching different cultures. I think it’s best to go into this book not knowing too much? so... words to describe this book: thriller, paranormal, historical, a bit scary, mystery.

two. radio silence by alice oseman (★★★★★)

I haven’t heard too many people talk about this book? which I think is a shame, because it’s so good. describing it is difficult because it’s so unlike anything I’ve read before and do think it’s best to go into this book knowing as little as possible. but here’s what I’ll say: frances is a girl living in the uk with one goal in life - do brilliantly in school and get into a prestigious university. it always seemed achievable until her life begins to fall apart. radio silence is about being yourself, and it’s done in such a powerful way that I can’t help but love it. words to describe it: living your truth, diversity, contemporary, podcast, alternative style.

three. warcross by marie lu (★★★★★)

there’s a reason this book is so popular, it’s pretty freaking good. I’ll admit that I hesitated to pick it up because it was pretty far from my comfort zone in terms of genres. futuristic stuff about new technologies, etc. is not the sort of thing I usually read. emika chen is a bounty hunter and a hacker. desperate for money, she takes a risks and hacks in the biggest online international event of the year - the world championships of the virtual reality game that took the world by storm ten years ago and hasn’t stopped. however she accidentally hacks herself into the game. this gains the attention of Warcross’ creator, young billionaire hideo tanaka. he wants her to enter the official games to act as his personal spy. it’s not a long book, which is a breath of fresh air among all these five hundred to seven hundred (and even longer) page books and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I’m planning to read the sequel, wildcard, soon! words to describe it: sci-fi, futuristic, surprising, virtual reality, strong protagonist. 

four. the nowhere girls by amy reed (★★★★★)

I have read contemporary young adult books about feminism before. they have been everywhere from painfully terrible to begrudgingly decent. but never that good. certainly never amazing as this book is. the nowhere girls tells the stories of many girls living in the town in which it’s set, but focuses on three - grace, the quiet but kind new girl; rosina, the queer, alternative girl who struggles to fit in with her conservative mexican family and school and erin, the star trek-obsessed girl with autism unable to find her place. together, they join together to find justice for lucy moynihan, a girl who was run out of town after accusing a group of popular boys of gang rape. this book is so powerful. I think honestly that all girls old enough should read it, it’s so important. amy reed has put such an effort in representing all kinds of girls, including queer girls, trans girls, girls of many races and social classes, etc. it’s honestly stunning and I can’t recommend it enough, honestly. words to describe it: feminism, empowerment, personal stories, justice. 

(I have to mention though that there is a strong trigger warning for rape, sexual assault/harassment, etc. in this book, please look after yourself.)

five. strange the dreamer by laini taylor (★★★★ ½ )

the sequel to this novel, muse of nightmares, came out quite recently and I can’t wait to read it! why? because this book is like nothing i’ve read before, and it’s beautiful. strange the dreamer is a very difficult book to describe. it’s fantasy and it’s strange, different from most books like it. it’s very explorative of the genre and doesn’t hold back from pushing the boundaries. like radio silence, I think this is a book you need to go in a bit blind. but here’s the basic plot: lazlo strange has devoted his life to studying the mysterious city of Weep, which disappeared years ago along with its true name. one day, he is given a chance to travel there and learn its secrets. words to describe it: high fantasy, strange and alternative, mysterious, a touch of romance.

honourable mentions (★★★★) ↴

an ember in the ashes series by sabaa tahir. the first book starts off shaky but by the third installment the series knows where it’s going and the characters have become strong (helen, I’d die for you)

wolf by wolf duology by ryan graudin. this duology is “what if the nazis won?” done right, with heartbreaking moments and powerful characters. 

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz. yes, I finally read this book. I’m aware how late I am. but this novel was truly beautiful and definitely deserving of the hype.

simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda by becky albertalli. you all know this one. the book is funny and tearjerking and a really lovely read.

they both die at the end by adam silvera. don’t let the title put you off, this book isn’t all sad. I won’t spoil anything though. 

children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi. although this book isn’t perfect, it is a beautiful example of own voices literature and I cried inwardly so much while reading it.

we are the ants by shaun david hutchinson. although I found it hard to connect with the protagonist’s outlook on the world, I feel I learned a new perspective from this novel and was completely hooked beginning to end.

a very large expanse of sea by tahereh mafi. another gorgeous own voices read, this book is about shirin, a muslim girl, growing up in the aftermath of 9/11. 

so yeah! that was my favourite books of twenty-eighteen, I read some really lovely ones this past year. happy reading in twenty-nineteen, folks ♡

[laniakeabooks]

January Wrap Up

I read 11 books in January which is a personal record. I’ve included the synopsis pulled directly from Goodreads and my (short) thoughts on the book. If you’d like a longer review of any of the books I read this month, feel free to request it!

The Innocence Treatment by Ari Goelman - ⭐⭐⭐

Lauren has a disorder that makes her believe everything her friends tell her--and she believes everyone is her friend. Her innocence puts her at constant risk, so when she gets the opportunity to have an operation to correct her condition, she seizes it. But after the surgery, Lauren is changed. Is she a paranoid lunatic with violent tendencies? Or a clear-eyed observer of the world who does what needs to be done?

Told in journal entries and therapy session transcripts, The Innocence Treatment is a collection of Lauren's papers, annotated by her sister long after the events of the novel. A compelling YA debut thriller that is part speculative fiction and part shocking tell-all of genetic engineering and government secrets, Lauren's story is ultimately an electrifying, propulsive, and spine-tingling read.

 Nothing I found particularly impressive… it had potential but didn’t quite meet it.

 The Memory Book by Lara Avery - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Sammie was always a girl with a plan: graduate at the top of her class and get out of her small town as soon as humanly possible. Nothing will stand in her way--not even a rare genetic disorder the doctors say will slowly start to steal her memories and then her health. What she needs is a new plan.

So the Memory Book is born: Sammie's notes to her future self, a document of moments great and small. It's where she'll record every perfect detail of her first date with longtime crush, Stuart--a brilliant young writer who is home for the summer. And where she'll admit how much she's missed her childhood best friend, Cooper, and even take some of the blame for the fight that ended their friendship.

Through a mix of heartfelt journal entries, mementos, and guest posts from friends and family, readers will fall in love with Sammie, a brave and remarkable girl who learns to live and love life fully, even though it's not the life she planned.

 I am shocked. I never expected to like a contemporary this much... especially "sick-lit" or whatever people are calling it. Maybe it was because I found a lot of what Sammie said to be so relatable, or maybe because NPC is exactly the type of disease I'd like to research in my future. Maybe it's because one of my greatest fears is getting dementia and losing my memory.

Whatever it was, I hope I can find it again in another book.

 Vox by Christina Dalcher - ⭐⭐

 Set in an America where half the population has been silenced, VOX is the harrowing, unforgettable story of what one woman will do to protect herself and her daughter.

On the day the government decrees that women are no longer allowed more than 100 words daily, Dr. Jean McClellan is in denial—this can't happen here. Not in America. Not to her.

This is just the beginning.

Soon women can no longer hold jobs. Girls are no longer taught to read or write. Females no longer have a voice. Before, the average person spoke sixteen thousand words a day, but now women only have one hundred to make themselves heard.

But this is not the end.

For herself, her daughter, and every woman silenced, Jean will reclaim her voice

 Uh, yeah, not impressed. Disappointed. Annoyed. It felt like Dalcher was trying too hard and was clearly ridding on the coattails of The Handmaid’s Tale’s recent re-emergence.

Also, the narrator on the audiobook and pronounce Wernicke’s area which just grated on my nerves and honestly pissed me off.

 First We Were IV by Alexandra Sirowy - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 It started for pranks, fun, and forever memories.

A secret society – for the four of us.

The rules: Never lie. Never tell. Love each other.

We made the pledge and danced under the blood moon on the meteorite in the orchard. In the spot we found the dead girl five years earlier. And discovered the ancient drawings way before that.

Nothing could break the four of us apart – I thought.

But then, others wanted in. Our seaside town had secrets. History.

We wanted revenge.

We broke the rules. We lied. We told. We loved each other too much, not enough, and in ways we weren’t supposed to.

Our invention ratcheted out of control.

What started as a secret society, ended as justice. Revenge. Death. Rebellion.

 Wooooowwwww... I am starting off this year with some pretty good reads. Granted, I read probably 3/4 of this one in emerge on my birthday after having twisted my knee skiing the day before...

This book didn't take the path I thought it would. It just felt like the climax and conclusion occurred in the same paragraph? I don't know maybe that's just me...

I'd love to see this as a TV show (maybe Netflix since they tend to do a rocking job).

 Day 21 by Cass Morgan - ⭐⭐⭐

 It's been 21 days since the hundred landed on Earth. They're the only humans to set foot on the planet in centuries...or so they thought. Facing an unknown enemy, Wells attempts to keep the group together. Clarke strikes out for Mount Weather, in search of other Colonists, while Bellamy is determined to rescue his sister, no matter the cost. And back on the ship, Glass faces an unthinkable choice between the love of her life and life itself.

In this pulse-pounding sequel to Kass Morgan's The 100, secrets are revealed, beliefs are challenged, and relationships are tested. And the hundred will struggle to survive the only way they can -- together.

 I still much prefer the Netflix adaptation. Although I enjoy this recovering from an apocalyptic event storyline the books take, I find that they lack the action that I love so much in the show… not to mention that my favourite characters don’t exist.

 52 Reasons to Hate My Father by Jessica Brody - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Lexington Larrabee has never to work a day in her life. After all, she’s the heiress to the multi-billion-dollar Larrabee Media empire. And heiresses are not supposed to work. But then again, they’re not supposed to crash brand new Mercedes convertibles into convenience stores on Sunset Blvd either.

Which is why, on Lexi’s eighteen birthday, her ever-absent, tycoon father decides to take a more proactive approach to her wayward life. Every week for the next year, she will have to take on a different low-wage job if she ever wants to receive her beloved trust fund. But if there’s anything worse than working as a maid, a dishwasher, and a fast-food restaurant employee, it’s dealing with Luke, the arrogant, albeit moderately attractive, college intern her father has assigned to keep tabs on her.

In a hilarious “comedy of heiress” about family, forgiveness, good intentions, and best of all, second chances, Lexi learns that love can be unconditional, money can be immaterial, and, regardless of age, everyone needs a little saving. And although she might have 52 reasons to hate her father, she only needs one reason to love him.

 Be prepared for a spoiled, bratty, unlikable main character. If you can’t stand characters like this, then I suggest avoiding this read, especially since we are trapped in her head (1st person narration) for the duration of the book. However, Lexi does have a great character arc, so if you are able to tolerate her for the first half of the book, you’ll actually start to like her.

Another contemporary I really enjoyed… not sure if this is because I’m not as picky when it comes to my favourite and least favourite genres anymore, but then again it my just be that I stumbled across two contemporaries that suited my fancy this month.

 The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Romy Silvers is the only surviving crew-member of a spaceship travelling to a new planet, on a mission to establish a second home for humanity amongst the stars. Alone in space, she is the loneliest girl in the universe until she hears about a new ship which has launched from Earth – with a single passenger on board. A boy called J.

Their only communication with each other is via email – and due to the distance between them, their messages take months to transmit across space. And yet Romy finds herself falling in love.

But what does Romy really know about J? And what do the mysterious messages which have started arriving from Earth really mean?

Sometimes, there’s something worse than being alone . . .

 Okay. First of all, the UK paperback cover is gorgeous. This would have one hundred percent been a cover buy if the synopsis hadn’t also intrigued me.

I went in thinking that it would be a space-based romance, but boy was I wrong. And good thing too. I’m not a huge fan of romance (more like I tolerate it for a good plot), and this book did not focus of the blooming romance as much as I thought it would.

Space, suspense, beautiful cover? Sign me up!

 Crash by Lisa McMann - ⭐⭐⭐

 Jules lives with her family above their restaurant, which means she smells like pizza most of the time and drives their double-meatball-shaped food truck to school. It’s not a recipe for popularity, but she can handle that.

What she can’t handle is the recurring vision that haunts her. Over and over, Jules sees a careening truck hit a building and explode...and nine body bags in the snow.

The vision is everywhere—on billboards, television screens, windows—and she’s the only one who sees it. And the more she sees it, the more she sees. The vision is giving her clues, and soon Jules knows what she has to do. Because now she can see the face in one of the body bags, and it’s someone she knows. Someone she has been in love with for as long as she can remember.

In this riveting start to a gripping trilogy from New York Times bestselling author Lisa McMann, Jules has to act—and act fast—to keep her vision from becoming reality.

 Not bad but not amazing either. It’s your typical psychic teen struggling with her newly found gifts and trying to prevent a tragedy. I’ll continue on with the trilogy since I have the bind up, they’re quick reads, and they’re a good distraction from my stressful studies… so basically just what I need.

 Bang by Lisa McMann - ⭐⭐⭐

 Jules should be happy. She saved a lot of people’s lives and she’s finally with Sawyer, pretty much the guy of her dreams. But the nightmare’s not over, because she somehow managed to pass the psycho vision stuff to Sawyer. Excellent.

Feeling responsible for what he’s going through and knowing that people’s lives are at stake, Jules is determined to help him figure it all out. But Sawyer’s vision is so awful he can barely describe it, much less make sense of it. All he can tell her is there’s a gun, and eleven ear-splitting shots. Bang.

Jules and Sawyer have to work out the details fast, because the visions are getting worse and that means only one thing: time is running out. But every clue they see takes them down the wrong path. If they can’t prevent the vision from happening, lives will be lost. And they may be among the casualties…

 This second book in the Visions series took an interesting turn on the whole psychic thing, but a lot of the book was spent going back and forth between “No I don’t want to do this” to “Yes I’m in” and “No I don’t want to help” to, again… “Yes I’m in” which was kind of a drag.

 Number of Pages Read: 3438

Average Rating: 3.5

Favourite Book of the Month: The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James

The cover, the space adventure, the thriller-type aspect to the plot… everything I love all in one.

Least Favourite Book of the Month: Vox by Christina Dalcher

I was just… really disappointed.

  Keep up with me on Goodreads!  (https://www.goodreads.com/LaniakeaBooks)

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: The Wanderer by Josie Williams

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book but I definitely wasn’t expecting it to move me in the way that it did. It’s published by Firefly Press, a small UK publisher, so you might not see it widely publicised but it’s a story that I think would be perfect for fans of John Green and Jandy Nelson.

Since her parents died, Maggie doesn’t have much in her life. Losing herself in her books and visits to her nan in the nursing home, Maggie is shocked when the cute popular boy at school saves her life one day. Little does she know that the gorgeous Charlie was momentarily possessed by Ryder, a boy who tragically died five years before. Ryder has been watching Maggie for a while and he’s falling for her fast. But how can he possibly let her know when he’s dead and she’s very much alive?

I love ghost stories and the fact that there’s something so heartaching about them. I’ve also always been fascinated with the reasons that spirits linger in some kind of in-between state of life and death. Ryder experiences the same frustrations and sadness that many ghosts do and I love that he tries to make his situation his own. His friend Jade is the only other wanderer that we really get to know but I knew that every single soul that Ryder can interact with will have their own tragic story.

Ryder loves Maggie, imperfections and all. He reveals this quite early on in the book and he admits that he has been following her for a while. While this would be predatory if he were alive and able to hurt her, there is something about his actions that didn’t come across like that at all. I think it may be because he is such a gentle, harmless soul and he spoke about her with such genuine tenderness. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic but I was fully on board with this impossible relationship from the start!

Charlie is the boy that Ryder possesses in order to save Maggie from being run over and subsequently the boy that he keeps possessing in order to talk to her. The real Charlie isn’t a good person and Ryder feels a lot of guilt for manifesting the crush that Maggie develops on who she thinks is a sensitive, kind boy. I was so angry on Ryder’s behalf that he had to go through this ridiculous medium to let Maggie know how amazing she is. 

Ryder’s friendship with fellow wanderer Jade has a sibling-like quality and it’s great fun to watch them verbally spar. It’s clear that they care a lot about each other and I was so grateful for the epilogue in Jade’s voice because I wanted to know that she’d be ok. I would have loved to know more of Jade’s story but perhaps that’s material for a spin-off novel.

Maggie is a very realistic, shy, lonely, 15-year-old. She is insecure and naive and it was easy to see how Ryder fell in love with her. She has had an incredibly tough time in her short life but she seems determined to just do well and make something of herself. I wanted to let her know what was really going on and that it wasn’t Charlie she was crushing on but a much kinder, lovelier boy called Ryder. I was scared of what would happen when she inevitably discovered what Ryder was doing and by the end of the book, I was in floods of tears.

The Wanderer is a beautifully written, devastatingly heartbreaking book. I did see the ending coming but I was painfully wishing that I was wrong. The romance is very easy to root for if you can suspend your disbelief. Williams has created teenagers that feel very authentic and the fact that they’re so believable makes the book even sadder. Give this a read if you need to let out some pent-up emotion because it will certainly give you that!

[vestigialux]

A HUMBLE NEW BEGINNING

Chapter 1 : Well Deserved Baths & Lesser Deserved Actions

( Original Story by @vestigialux - @ AquaLux on Quotev (Quiet Girl) )

SUMMARY : 

Vampires are real, they're just smarter at concealing their true identities, or so, at least that's how it is for the Brook family. Human Benjamin Brook took the murder of his vampire wife as a warning for the threat his three sons were up against and thus came up with several methods to keep all three of them safe while letting them lead normal lives. However, thirteen years later, Aaron, Ezra and Dez discover their mother had left a few secrets behind, and they are curious to investigate. What kind of trouble could they get into after so many years of hiding behind masks? 

Christmas Eve, 24th December 2004 7 p.m. Birchwood, Droylsden, Manchester M43

       Melanie Brook had a lot on her mind. Yet again, when you have three sons to take care of, you always have a lot on your mind, especially when they're toddlers.

Scratch that, especially when they're vampire toddlers.

You thought raising land-dwelling, outdoors-longing children with normal teeth and sleeping habits was bad? Try balancing fun and discipline with keeping their true natures a secret. Their fangs grew and eyes glowed a bright yellow every time they threw a tantrum, they could never get a decent night's sleep since nighttime was when the kids were most active and the eldest was even learning how to levitate on demand! Not like the chaos they already created wasn't bad enough, oh no, they wouldn't eat any food that wasn't red-coloured, they would intentionally scare their father half to death at night and, there being three of them, made the job of containing them three times harder.

They constantly fed each other excitement and, worst of all, they had to contain all their energy within the house in order not to expose their secret. Melanie knew, that once that happened, her family would suddenly be in grave danger, a target for the ones who hated their kind. She wasn't sure whether they still existed from when she was born about a century ago, however she wasn't willing to take the risk. The only time she took them out was to the market, the mall, and if they behaved, the park every once in a while. Even then she would force them to wear sunglasses, long sleeves and double layers like she did, in order to prevent them from burning up, despite the typical cloudy UK-weather in Manchester. They looked odd, like a bunch of blind baby ducks following their mother but it was comical so she didn't mind. She and her husband even agreed that homeschooling them would be their best option, at least until they grew up a little. God, that was going to be a nightmare.

This stuck her with three hyper-energetic toddlers clinging around her day-in, day-out in an endless cycle of nags, cries, tantrums, screams... Pranks... Complaints... She had to hold onto something to steady herself just thinking about it.

At least the diaper stage was over, all that came next were the wet nights and later on, ugh, the wet dreams.

​​​​Oh no, have a plenty amount of kids, her naive one-hundred and three year old self had said, it would be simply lovely, you just met the perfect guy, you can finally be like the human mothers you've been envying these past fifty years her arse.

She was not having another kid.

Her husband seemed to be on the verge of suicide, so she was sure he would agree.

The first child, was quiet and obedient, the second one was also quiet but less obedient and the third one wasn't even quiet.

She drew the line there but had no regrets, she loved all her offspring equally and the past six years had been the best years of her whole, long, lifetime.

However tonight was Christmas eve, which added onto the usual stress. Her husband, Benjamin, was kind enough to have taken them out for the day while she cooked Christmas dinner and wrapped their presents in peace. She loved her children, honest she did, but sometimes she wanted them to just shut up and drove her up the wall more than a few times, which was why she had enjoyed this short amount of time to herself.

After finishing all her chores and duties, she decided to have a leisurely bath while reading her favourite book as piano music played in the background. She tied her long, wavy brown hair back into a bun with a large hairpin and popped into the tub, adding bubble bath soap, she was sure the kids wouldn't mind. She elegantly picked up her book and continued from where she had stopped the night before.

It wasn't long before her mind shifted back onto her children.

She had to share this track with Aaron, her eldest, she pondered, even though he was only six years old she could tell he loved instruments and classical music. The Harry Potter book she was reading, she had to show it to her middle child, Ezra, he was five but could already read whole paragraphs by himself. If she were to share her obsession with J.K. Rowling, it would be her future bookworm son, she figured. Lastly, she looked up at the painting hanging on the door her three year old had done, Dez. It was a square with what looked like trees on either side of it, which she assumed was their home however they didn't have trees on their street. She had hidden her confusion when he had presented it to her, however skepticism had shown all over her husband's face which had caused Dez to throw a tantrum. A child's imagination, she smiled to herself, that boy's going places. It was kind of creepy how Dez wanted it hanged here, and said that since Ben spent so much time in here on his phone, he'd learn to appreciate it which had made her roar with laughter, even now.

Her family was her life now, and even though she had been alive for a much longer time, she couldn't remember living without them. She had a loving, caring husband, three gorgeous children and an extravagant home in a quiet place in Manchester. She was even about to start teaching Aaron and Ezra how to read and write, and basic mathematics since she had recently done a course online which gave her permission and all the requirements she needed to teach primary schoolers.

She used to be a lawyer before she married, which had lasted about thirty years, and a nurse in the second world war before that, previously also a cleaner and, when she had still been growing at a fast (normal) rate, a daughter of a farmer, yet she could see her self as a teacher one day, once her sons had married.

She smiled to herself.

Yes, she could definitely see herself working as a school teacher, according to her renewed birth certificate, she was off the appropriate age- 35. She just needed more experience.

Little did she know all these dreams were futile.

As she bathed and relaxed, a small group of armed men surrounded the house.

She was too absorbed in her own self-made little world to notice them until she heard footsteps going up the stairs, the bathroom being on the second floor. She sat up instantly.

Those weren't her husband's footsteps, he always took his shoes off indoors and they were far too heavy to be any of her sons'.

She put down her book but left the music playing, then put on her gown and crouched by the door to hear more clearly.

Maybe she was overthinking things, she contemplated, it was a normal thing for her to do. She peered through the keyhole.

A lump caught in her throat.

The man climbing the stairs was not her husband.

Her hands began to tremble.

He was carrying a gun.

She fell back, pathetically.

There were multiple of them.

She quickly scrambled to her feet and dragged a cupboard in front of the door then proceeded to open the window. She was not going to die today, she was not going to abandon her family like that.

She had to escape.

A gunshot fired through the door and cupboard, shattering the window she was trying to pry open, causing her to jump back, beginning to hyperventilate. They must have heard the furniture moving.

She looked at the remains of the bullet, it was silver.

Hunters.

How did they find her? Why were they even after her? She had kept her secrets so well hidden...

Another gunshot and she whimpered. The was the lock gone.

She risked going for the window again, broken glass cutting her bare skin but to no avail as another gunshot came firing from below. She staggered back, a sharp piece of glass scraping a deep cut into her arm, however she was too high on adrenaline to care.

She was trapped.

She was trapped like a wild animal.

She considered calling the emergency line but her phone wasn't on her person, she had left it charging on the kitchen counter.

Only seconds now and they'll enter, the cupboard was shaking vigorously.

3...

She had to try something else.

2...

She inspected her surroundings hastily.

1...

She grabbed the shower and pulled the pipe out from its place then whacked the first guy that entered with it, knocking him down onto his allies.

"What are you doing, idiot? Let's go get that abomination!" one of them exclaimed. There were at least five of them and they were all wearing masks, probably because of all the CCTV cameras in the streets.

How unprofessional, she thought, you don't crowd around the entrance of the room you're breaking into, it permitted one to be able to do things like this easily.

She didn't know where the others were outside, and she didn't want to risk a bullet to the head so she devised a plan, one which she executed immediately. She gently floated over their heads while they were distracted, wrapping the flexible pipe of the shower head around their necks and pulled strongly in the direction of the stairs as she managed to squeeze into the opening the cupboard allowed.

Three of them fell down the stairs, while one fell to his knees, having been choked and the fifth remained standing. He must have reacted sooner.

She whipped at him with the shower head but he dodged, grabbed it and pulled her, stabbing her in the stomach with his machete, which didn't do much, obviously, however it did slow her down.

She fell to the ground then stepped back, panting and made a run for it, however three angry-looking men had their guns pointed at her from the foot of the stairs.

She heard one of the guys standing up behind her.

She was surrounded again.

The music from the bathroom started playing lower, daunting notes, which would have been her favourite part if she hadn't felt like she were in a horror movie.

The guy who had stabbed her pulled her into a choke-hold and pressed his machete to her neck.

He seemed to be speaking into a radio. "Monstrosity contained." he stated, then pressed the machete closer.

"W-wait! Please... I... My children... My babies... Please spare them from losing their mother.... They don't have much as it is, please" she pleaded.

Benjamin,

"Please," she began begging.

Aaron,

"Please." again.

Ezra,

"Please..." and again.

Dez...

"Please!"

I'm sorry.

Tears had started flooding her vision.

I love you all.

"You're still a disgrace to Our World." the man uttered.

The last thing she did was exasperate a staggered gasp.

Christmas Eve, 24th December 2004 8:30 p.m. Birchwood, Droylsden, Manchester M43

Aaron ran into the house the second his father unlocked the front door, and looked around for his mother, excited to show her his Christmas list which the Santa in the shopping centre had signed. When she wasn't in the kitchen or the living room, he sprinted upstairs, his little feet making soft thumping sounds as he ascended, which only became faster when he heard the piano music playing.

"Slow down, Aaron! You'll hurt yourself!" Ben called out, picking up a sleepy Ezra and Dez from the car. They had stayed a little longer than expected, viewing shops and special Christmas exhibits though they had had fun, and he was sure Melanie had appreciated the extra 'me-time'.

Aaron slowed down, but only a little, until he stopped completely when he reached the landing and stepped in something sticky. It was dark, but that did nothing to hinder his vision as his eyes glowed a bright yellow. He looked down at the puddle of red fluid which had also stained the walls and part of the ceiling, which Aaron was fortunate enough to have not noticed.

“Mum…?” he mumbled then peered inside the bathroom. All he could see was a trail of blood leading to a bathtub. He dropped the list and it slowly rolled in the scarlet liquid, drenched.

“What the-” his father uttered from behind him as he turned on the lights, after laying Dez and Ezra on the couch. He looked at the blood on the walls and could feel his stomach churning.

No, not his Melanie….

“Dad?” Aaron queried, curiously looking up at his father with wide-eyes.

“Go downstairs with your brothers.” He ordered.

“Where’s mum?” he questioned further. He must have felt the tension, Aaron usually never talked back.

“I said go!” he demanded more ferociously.

Aaron obeyed this time, sensing the gravity in his father's tone, but had only stopped midway down the stairs as his father walked into the room. Then he caught a glimpse of it.

Of the image that would haunt him for years.

The severed head of his mother lying by the sink, her hair was covering her face but there was no question about what it was.

First he heard his father gagging, most probably throwing up in the toilet. Then the man had started crying, descending into sobbing, then fierce wailing loud enough to wake up the other two.

All the while, Aaron stood still, silent, a mixture of shock and trauma keeping him paralyzed. Keeping his mind blank, keeping him empty.

Keeping him from processing everything horrendous that had occurred.

He hadn’t quite grasped the concept of death until that day, until that pain-striking day.

He was hapless enough to have learned it the hard way.

[kentonramsey]

It’s The 20th Anniversary Of The Virgin Suicides, The Original Quarantine Girls

This week marks the 20th anniversary of the UK release of Sofia Coppola's most visually arresting film, The Virgin Suicides, and we can't help but notice that the story's ill-fated Lisbon sisters – the original isolation poster girls? – are inspiring our lockdown aesthetic. If you’ve not seen the indie hit, it stars Kirsten Dunst, Josh Hartnett and Kathleen Turner and is based on Jeffrey Eugenides' bestselling novel. Set in 1970s Michigan, the story follows the five Lisbon sisters through the eyes of a group of neighbourhood boys who become enamoured with them. After the suicide of the youngest sister, their strict Catholic parents increase supervision and take the girls out of school, furthering the boys' infatuation. As the girls become more and more isolated, the dreamlike film spirals into a claustrophobic suburban nightmare. As well as a gorgeous soundtrack that features Carole King and Al Green, the costumes are among the film's major draws. Costume designer Nancy Steiner chose vintage virginal Catholic dresses for the sisters to wear for prom, to which their mother adds fabric – the "four identical sacks" are at once staid and romantic. The aesthetic has inspired everyone from Tavi Gevinson to Petra Collins over the last 20 years and with the likes of Sleeper and Cecilie Bahnsen serving up hyperfeminine creations that double up as nightwear, there's no time like the present to drape yourself across your bed and long for the outside world. Click through to shop our favourite dreamy dresses and ethereal pastel pieces, which we'll be wearing as we float through the remainder of lockdown.

Ephemera Ruffled-Strap Cotton-Poplin Midi Dress, $, available at Matches Fashion

Topshop Blue Puff Sleeve Printed Flippy Dress, $, available at Topshop

Mango Ruched Sleeve Floral Dress, $, available at Mango

Cecilie Bahnsen Thelma Gathered Floral-Matelassé Dress, $, available at Matches Fashion

Jeneral Store Vintage White/Pink Floral Ditsy Dress, $, available at asos marketplace

Zara Loose-Fitting Textured Dress, $, available at Zara

Mara Hoffman Extended Elisabetta Dress, $, available at Mara Hoffman

Urban Outfitters UO Odila Smocked Midi Dress, $, available at Urban Outfitters

Staud Wells Square-Neck Linen-Blend Dress, $, available at Matches Fashion

absenceofcolour Rosa Dress, $, available at asos marketplace

Monki Puff Sleeve Dress, $, available at Monki

Cecilie Bahnsen Ruth Tiered Open-Back Cotton-Poplin Midi Dress, $, available at Net-A-Porter

absenceofcolour Pitta Dress, $, available at asos marketplace

ASOS DESIGN Tiered Mini Sundress, $, available at ASOS

Reformation Genie Floral Midi Dress, $, available at Browns

ASOS DESIGN Dobby Tiered Midi Skater Sundress, $, available at ASOS

RIXO Skylar Tiered Lace-Panelled Embroidered Broderie Dress, $, available at Net-A-Porter

Urban Outfitters Kay Floral Slip Midi Dress, $, available at Urban Outfitters

The Reformation Belgium Floral Print Midi Dress, $, available at Browns

Urban Outfitters Jamie Frill Midi Dress, $, available at Urban Outfitters

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?

WFH Style Inspired By Frida Kahlo & Joan Didion

The Nipple's Place In Fashion History

The Irresistible Appeal Of A Yellow Dress

It’s The 20th Anniversary Of The Virgin Suicides, The Original Quarantine Girls published first on https://mariakistler.tumblr.com/

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: 31/01

So, this is the first UK Top 40 after Brexit—we left the European Union the day of this chart’s release... and we’re clearly being punished for it already.

Top 10

Lewis Capaldi, Lewis, Lewis Capaldi. Somehow, due to a new music video, this bloody creature has got his second #1 with “Before You Go”, up four spaces to the top. This is France’s revenge, isn’t it? Sacrebleu.

Up two spaces however is “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd, to the runner-up spot, which is never a bad thing.

At number-three, we have the slight one-spot drop for “The Box” by Roddy Ricch.

At number-four, unfortunately, there isn’t that big of a drop for “Godzilla” by Eminem featuring the late Juice WRLD, down three spaces from its #1 position last week. I guess sales are doing well enough to keep this at the top.

Down two spots is “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy at number-five.

At number-six, we have a slight one-space increase for “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa.

“Life is Good” by Drake, then Future is down one position to number-seven.

Due to the Grammy’s performance, because, yes, they do affect the UK charts as well, probably because of 4Music’s pathetic coverage, as well as a long overdue video, “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish is up three spaces back into the top 10 at number-eight.

“Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is up a spot to number-nine because of course it freaking is.

Finally, to round off the top 10, we’re seeing the end of the top 10 run for deteriorating TikTok meme “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down two to #10... just as it was starting to grow on me.

Climbers

Our singular climber this week is “bad guy” by Billie Eilish up six spots to #22. I’m as confused as you are.

Fallers

On the other hand, we have a handful of these due to a bigger story this week, probably the one that’ll occupy the most time of the three big chart stories here. So, outside of the top 10, “Ei8ht Mile” by DigDat featuring Aitch is down eight spaces to #17 off of the debut, “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean is also down eight to #29, “Circles” by Post Malone is down six to #31, and that’s not a lot, right? Well, no, but there are also the fallers from last week’s group of Eminem debuts, which unlike what happens with album bombs in the US, did not cause absolute chart chaos once dissipated, and instead just peacefully and rather slowly decreasing in chart points against the flood of the other album bomb. I’m of course talking about “Those Kinda Nights” featuring Ed Sheeran down 15 spaces to #27 and lead single “Darkness” crumbling down 20 spaces to #37.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

We have a couple dropouts here as well, but no returning entries. These are the songs that dropped off the face of the chart this week: “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B out from #30, “Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid out from #32 (Not Sheeran’s greatest week), “Me & You Together Song” by the 1975 sadly out from #35 off of the debut – I thought this song would last, unlike “STILL DISAPPOINTED” by Stormzy out from #36, or even long-running hits like “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” by Travis Scott and remixed by ROSALIA and Lil Baby out from #37, and finally, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello. Now, I figured I should mention some songs in the top 75 but not in the top 40 that we could see enter the chart in the coming weeks—I haven’t got a single one of these right yet (Well...), but regardless, here are the songs I picked. Not all of them are good, not all of them are bad. There is “Better Off Without You” by Becky Hill and Shift K3y at #42, “Suicidal” by YNW Melly at #44, “Say So” by Doja Cat at #45, “Power Over Me” by Dom Kennedy at #48, “Lonely” by Joel Corry at #61, “SUGAR” by BROCKHAMPTON at #62, “High Fashion” and “Ballin’”, both by Roddy Ricch and Mustard, at #63 and #64, “One Night” by MK at #66, and even the two new songs from M Huncho’s album that missed the Top 40: “Indulge” at #50 featuring D-Block Europe, and “Head Huncho” at #60 featuring Headie One... now for a bit of a different story that starts in the Summer of 1785.

BREXIT RUBBISH

German poet Friedrich Schiller published an ode in 1786 that he wrote the year prior. It was later interpolated by the legendary Ludwig van Beethoven in his 1984 Ninth Symphony. In 1972, quite ironically for a song composed by two Germans when Germany was still split into two (Although admittedly they were both born in western regions of Germany), Beethoven’s composition was adopted as the anthem for Europe as a whole, and the European Union. Does that sound familiar? In 2016, the most famous pig-adulterer in Britain commenced the Brexit vote, resulting in a slight majority to leave the EU. I don’t like getting too political on this show, so I won’t get into this in-depth, but all you need to know is that the Scottish party protested in Parliament in 2017 by singing this song, and that led to this two-party war: The Anti-Brexit and pro-EU song, “Ode to Joy”, the European anthem as performed by Dutchman André Rieu, and the pro-Brexit song, if you excuse my language, “17 Million Frick Offs”, a song by some right-wing comedian (Dominic Frisby) directed towards the 17 million people who proudly told the European Union, to, well, “frick off”, and praising them for doing so. Thankfully, the nation has spoken.

#30 – “Ode to Joy” – André Rieu and Johann Strauss Orchestra

Produced by André Rieu

Frisby’s song peaked at #43, meaning we only have to talk about the Dutch man here, and his first UK Top 40 hit, probably his only one. I would have preferred “Anarchy in the UK” personally, but I’ll accept this. I see how this works as a protest song too, as it’s a pretty triumphant composition, but really, I mean, what do you expect me to say about the European national (Continential?) anthem? Yeah, I think the Johann Strauss Orchestra guest verse kind of ruined the vibe for me on this one, but the beat slaps hard. I don’t like boring, patriotic squabble like this, and it’s not like Rieu does anything with it as this is rather trite, with some really gross mixing of the horns. In fact, the whole song is mixed pretty painfully. I appreciate the sentiment, though, guys, but this is pretty bad. Call me a Eurosceptic for not appreciating some Dutch dude’s rendition of a European historical motif, but really I’d say the same about “God Save the Queen” – and not the Sex Pistols song; that one’s awesome.

ALBUM BOMB: Big Conspiracy – J Hus

I haven’t listened to this album yet, simply because I haven’t had the time, but J Hus is a British rapper who released his first album since his release from prison, Big Conspiracy, on 24th January 2020, to immense critical acclaim and commercial success, debuting at #1 on the UK Albums Chart. These are the three biggest songs from it, and my thoughts on all of them.

#21 – “Repeat” – J Hus featuring Koffee

Produced by Jae5

Interestingly, all of these songs have features. Anyways, let’s get through these as quickly as possible, shall we? I mean, they will probably all sound the same. This was released the day before the album, and is J Hus’ tenth UK Top 10 hit, and Koffee’s first. Who is Koffee, you ask? She’s a Jamaican reggae artist who became the first woman to win the Best Reggae Album award at the most recent Grammy’s. I can see some of the reggae influence here as well, but it’s not actually that clear as it’s mostly a typical Afroswing song that J Hus would have made, with inorganic and pretty stiff drum patterns, and a non-existent atmosphere. Koffee puts way too much effort in, at least in comparison to Hus’ dire performance here, where he just literally mumbles somewhat off-beat for a couple bars and calls it a day, while Koffee is singing her heart out. It’s a really imbalanced ratio is what I’m saying. The strings towards the end are pretty cool but the final chorus is abrupt and overall, this song feels like a pointless meander for the sake of either filler or just landing Koffee a place on the album. I can’t hate it, because Koffee’s performance is great and the instrumental is tolerable, but for Hus, this is oddly flavourless.

#19 – “Big Conspiracy” – J Hus featuring iceé tgm

Produced by TSB

“Big Conspiracy” is the title track and the opening track on the album as well as J Hus’ 11th UK Top 40 hit, and Iceé tgm’s first – hell, she doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page and it’s seeming pretty likely that she debuted on J Hus’ album and she is in fact his sister. It’s pretty cool getting your family involved in the business. You know what else is pretty cool? This song; I like the guitar pick-up and the complimenting bassline, with some sweet vocal melodies and loops from iceé tgm, that seem to be scattered around the entire beat, which is an interesting idea. J Hus is still a tad lazier than usual here, with very little multi-tracking (Seems to be only one-take) or energy, but the chorus has some gorgeous harmonies, his rap verses are casual albeit memorable. I enjoy his (hopefully) sarcastic endorsement of Ronald Reagan in the first verse, and his point about underdogs rising in the second verse, which is a nice message. The bridge is pretty good, as it gives iceé tgm a bit of solo time, and she sounds decent but admittedly non-descript, and then there’s a smooth sax solo for seemingly no reason. Eh, I’m all for it. This is sweet, and it’s nice that an out-of-the-blue conscious rap song debuted in the top 20, but again, lacking a lot of the character I saw from the lead single.

#11 – “Play Play” – J Hus featuring Burna Boy

Produced by Jae5, Nana Rogues and Scribz Riley

Finally, also a pre-release single by about a day, is “Play Play”, J Hus’ 12th UK top 40 hit and Burna Boy’s fourth. We all know who Burna Boy is by now, although coincidentally Koffee happened to have covered Burna’s breakout hit “Ye” on the BBC Radio Live Lounge. I suppose that’s of note. I figured maybe the highest debuting single from the album would have that lively energy and bright comedy that I saw in “Must Be”, but no, there isn’t, which is exciting as that’s what I expected from this record, and the second single did try to confirm my suspicions. Much like “Repeat”, however, I feel this would easily be better if it were just a Burna Boy single, with his charming hook and cute steel-pans-based instrumental, but no, J Hus is here, and... did he forget how to rap? He sounds pretty awful here, with a dry flow that flubs rhymes and fits too many words into the meter, an uninteresting cadence and even awful mixing that makes him feel so distant from a song that should be warm and intimate. The reason I can’t dislike the song, however, is the concept, which both artists talk about in detail, especially Hus’ hilariously... bipolar verses, if that’s the best way to describe them. It seems to be about comparing women to guns, but also that women like him for his guns, and that he treats his gun like a woman? I don’t know, it’s a dumb concept that is messy in execution, but at least it’s unique. Pretty disappointed in these tracks, to be honest; maybe the deep cuts will be more to my fancy.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Roses” – Saint Jhn

Produced by F a l l e n and remixed by Imanbek

Hey, a song I actually predicted would reach the UK Top 40, just last week! I’m pretty impressed with myself, but admittedly I guess if you throw 70 stones at a bird, at least one will kill it, just as the old proverb says. Anyways, this is Saint Jhn’s first ever UK Top 40 hit and was mostly propelled by the Imanbek EDM remix, which I’ll be listening to as well. The original song “Roses” was released on the Guyanese-American rapper’s SoundCloud in July 2016 and was included in his 2018 compilation album. He had written for other artists like Jidenna before but his solo work went mostly unnoticed until a producer called Imanbek released an unauthorised house remix. Imanbek is a Kazakh producer, and his remix was released through a Russian record label, so there is a surprising amount of cultures involved in making this one song; it’s kind of interesting. Also, we never see anyone on the UK Top 40 chart from freaking Kazakhstan! That’s insane! By the way, Kazakhstan’s flag is my personal favourite flag of the world. I love the colour combination. The original song is one I’m generally not pleased with, personally, with a dull trap beat and hi-hats that somehow rattle too much, and a murmuring, unintelligible Auto-Tune drawl from Saint Jhn that’s just unpleasant, and for a song called “Roses”, is kind of eerie, and overall, the song is just kind of boring and underwhelming, although I’ll admit the vocal melodies and ideas are there, and I especially like the synths in the later parts of the chorus. What this needed to push it over the edge was a 19-year-old guy from Kazakhstan and I’m not joking; I love this house version. The pitch-shifted, almost chipmunk, rendition of the vocals could be obnoxious to some people but to me it adds so much energy and quirk to an otherwise dry performance from Jhn, and the beat in this version has such an infectious synth bass, despite otherwise being a pretty standard house beat, with some vague horn inflections, traditional pop-house drum beat, and pretty cliché vocal samples, but the melodies I liked are still here, in fact the trap beat is partially kept in during the chorus, and touches like that are pretty nice. The slog of the verses have a lot more groove to them sped-up too. Yeah, I enjoy this, and it’s a massive improvement over the original. Big up Kazakhstan.

#32 – “Pee Pee” – M Huncho

Produced by ADP

Honestly, if the form of protest against Brexit is only demonstrated into making songs chart, I’d like to think that the children all around Britain have all decided to make it clear that Brexit is pee pee, and I couldn’t be more proud. This is M Huncho’s third UK Top 40 hit and from his album Huncholini the 1st... this guy is a joke, right? He even wears  a mask to be anonymous, but it’s not for personal or even gang-related reasons. It’s just a cartoon mask that he says is supposed to accentuate the message of the music. What’s the message of this song then, Mr. Huncholini?

When I bust my nut, I go and take a pee pee

Inspiring. I’m tempted to just leave it at that, actually – can I? Yeah? Are you sure? Okay, well, that’s all, then.

Conclusion

Honestly, “Pee Pee” isn’t even that bad, and it’s not getting the Dishonourable Mention. That’s going to “Play Play” by J Hus featuring Burna Boy, with Worst of the Week going to that crap rendition of “Ode to Joy”. I don’t have much to praise here, but I might as well give Best of the Week to “Roses” by Saint Jhn, purely for the Imanbek remix, as if it were the original only, it could easily get the Dishonourable Mention. Honourable Mention goes to “Big Conspiracy” by J Hus featuring iceé tgm, just barely. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank, I’ll see you next week!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020