#This started as a joke about how unfair it is that I cannot start a polycule with big bear man Halsin and it went too far

[mat-little-creatures]

I wanted to draw a less bodybuilder more strongman looking Halsin. He’s still ripped but not as low body fat ripped as he looks in the game (if that makes sense??).

Next time Imma make him even more bear looking, watch me.

[lith-myathar]

.

[sparkyskid]

BLeeM, renowned improv storyteller and lore builder, used improv storytelling skills to create a joke-based rival group in a season about rage and justice (XP leveling bad and unfair). He did not go to public school. All the fans, who largely did go to public school and tend to be queer/neurodivergent, resonated strongly with the unintended theme of the ways schools cannot possibly reach every student in the way they need to be successful.

BLeeM, who did not go to public school, likely didn’t realize this theme, only that something was compelling. As an improv storyteller, it works because it is compelling. Rage and Justice in high school goes hand in hand with feeling like the system is rigged against you. He integrated this in a way he was familiar (privileged cis straight white person with perfect home life has nothing to write on college essays and vilifies an already struggling minority about it, and XP leveling can be very unfair because it can be cheated). These are the ways that TRG and KLCK are intended to be antagonists in the story.

As fans, we have FAR more time between episodes to consider themes and implications and metatext. BLeeM, who is doing it largely improvised in a short period of time, and who never went to public high school, likely simply missed that this was a possible theme that was emerging. And that unintended theme resonated SO STRONGLY with an audience of public schoolers who (in some way) were all let down by the school system due to queerness/neurodivergence.

The unintentional themes that emerge from a body of work is where you see glimpses of the author’s identities and biases. In this case, that being BLeeM having not been in the public school system.

It is still a theme in the work- and I agree that it is what makes FHJY so compelling. But an improvised storyteller who didn’t go to public school and is recording this entire show in a very tight time window is simply not going to have the time and space to pick up on a theme so deeply personal to the public school experience. Frustration is logical, but at some point you gotta put on your “basic literary analysis” hat and realize that pobody’s nerfect and a creator can’t be aware of all the unintended themes that show up in their work.

D20 is a show with a format, and the constraints of how it is recorded means there is a lot that has to be planned from the start, and there is only so far that one can deviate within the realm of things happening. The themes that get wrapped up with a bow are intentional (Rage, Justice, XP leveling). The themes that don’t are unintentional (everyone slipping through the cracks of the school system to varying degrees). The group rightfully saw it as compelling and kept returning to it. But the tight time frame of recording a season means they may not have had time to sit down and specifically realize the theme and it’s most satisfying conclusion. We the fans had that time and space to realize it. Herein is the disconnect between our experience and the experience of those who participated in FHJY. And why the pre-recorded interviews are unsatisfying to so many- the unintended theme is still not brought up.

Tbh if D20 was more like CR or TAZ or D&Daddies in the sense of recording and releasing in real time, there likely would have been enough time and space for the participants to see how the fan base resonated with the theme of being left behind by the school system, and they would have been able to continue the improvised storytelling to incorporate more of that explicitly, and wrap up the theme at the end. But it isnt- it’s all prerecorded in a short time window, and nothing will get changed or added once they wrap. This is a limitation of the format. We get incredible production value, music, elaborate battle maps and countless minis, at the cost of everything being done by the time anyone sees even a moment of it.

The ending and the epilogues are meant to wrap up the themes that are present, but if the theme was unintentional or unnoticed, it won’t get wrapped up because no one realizes it’s there. This is a loss, for sure. But it is one I can forgive, because of the context of recording the improvised show in a narrow time frame where they have some planned story beats they have to make sure to get in regardless of where the improvised part takes them. The cast was focused on other things. They didn’t have time and space to realize the elaborate meta narrative about how the school system is so “we have to try to reach everyone, one size must fit all” that a lot of children get left behind because everyone’s needs are so different.

We, as students and teachers and support staff around the school, are quick to identify this unintended theme because we are surrounded by it already. The improv storytellers we are watching are not, and they are on a tight tight time crunch to get it all recorded and hit all the beats they need to hit to make the intended story work.

[its-a-me-mango]

SMG4 Q&A

How long have you been watching SMG4?

I’ve been watching SMG4 on and off since about 2014, I’m pretty sure my first ever SMG4 video was R64: A Dose of Dr. Mario lol. I’ve tried my best to catch up on everything but I still haven’t watched much betweem 2016 and 2022, one day I’ll catch up on it. I do watch each episode that comes out every Saturday and I aim to watch them as soon as they’re posted, I do tag any episode spoilers for the Saturday just to give people a chance to watch it.

Who are your favourite SMG4 characters?

My favourite SMG4 characters are SMG3, Karen, Mr. Puzzles and Tari! Mario is my favourite Mario character overall so he doesn't count as a fav SMG4 character, I always love Mario! I also love every other character too I think they’re all so fun and silly! :3

What are your favourite ships?

I don't ship a lot of characters but I think SMG34 is my favourite, I’m the only person ever who truly understands their dynamic /J. I don't take shipping too seriously, not in a negative way, just in a silly goofy way, so any posts I make towards any ships are entirely light hearted and for fun, I’m always happy to take suggestions on pretty much any ship, gotta provide food for any hungry shipper out there lmao.

Do you dislike any characters/ships?

Yes, but that's for me to know and to keep to myself, I'm not someone who easily blocks anyone over fictional characters/ships, if I dislike or disagree with someone's choice of characters/ships I just move on, it's never that serious at the end of the day.

Do you have a favourite SMG4 AU/headcannon?

No! I cannot pick favourites, it's impossible for me, especially with so many amazing and talented creators in this fandom! It would feel really unfair to me if I started picking favourites, obviously I have my preferences, but those stay with me and me alone. If you are actively posting in the tags about your AU/headcannon, I have seen it and I think it’s awesome, keep doing what you’re doing!

Do you like/dislike any SMG4 fans/creators?

Why would I answer that? Same reason as before, I cannot pick favourites as that feels unfair to me, and any dislikes I have towards people stays with me and me alone. I am not one to go out after people at all, I prefer to get along well with everyone

What do you think of current events happening in the fandom?

I think it’s great! Unless it’s bad, in which case I think it sucks.

Anyway to be serious, I like to keep away from too many interpersonal happening within the fandom as much as possible, it’s just not my thing, so I usually have no fucking clue what’s going on at any one time, I don’t like to get involved too much. I have the mentality of an old lady throwing bird seeds at pigeons when it comes to my “contributions” to this fandom, I throw my stuff in and leave, what happens around and after that ain’t none of my business.

I do, however, love to bitch about things, so uhh if that happens it's never targeted or vaguing anyone in particular so don't feel like I'm trying to call anyone out, I just like to make jokes outta things.

[hermitw]

Jjk theories / opinions / thoughts part 3 uwu (they are becoming more stupid and less coherent, let's go)

-Gege began the rumor about sukuna drinking his own milk. It is TOO MUCH OF SOMETHING GEGE WOULD SAY I cannot be convinced otherwise

-Gojo's twink death happened in the prison realm

-kenjaku was involved in founding the star religious group. He's already been making pacts with sorcerers for a thousand years, so putting him in the Nara era isn't a stretch. We already know he made several attempts to interrupt the star plasma vessels. (yes I blame him for every thing ever. His fault. And I think he'd rather watch things crumble than do the work directly bc then it's like a game, unexpected things happen and it's more interesting. Bro is always playing games even with curses smh)

-Hakari would have started a fight club to fund Kirara's transition. Idk if the higher ups would have had issues w trans students or just with Hakari's unconventional domain and methods (not hesitating to lose a foot bc he'll get it back, for example), but Gojo called them a lot of variations of conservative idiots so it seems likely I think. And they left the school before she even came out, bc Panda didn't know.

-kinda unfair that Yuta gets to transfer into Gojo with his best outfit on, he didn't have to dress like Edward Cullen for years to get there (pls don't get offended I swear to God it's a joke but also I do kinda feel this way lmaoooo)

-how the fuck do nanako and mimiko's technique work? They're twins right? I get the feeling like Mimiko can't use one on her own, but she likes to threaten people with her doll and Nanako can hang people with it. I rly wish we got to see them more (I want to believe they survived sukuna bc Geto would have prepared those girls to stay safe, maybe there's just a time lag or something pls)

IN THE AIRPORT SCENE there's even Toji but those girls are not there so that gives me hope I kajahxkakdn (I get that maybe it's Gojo's mindscape but how would he have known that Haibara showed up to Nanami? It's not just his imagination imo, those girls are alive, I need them to be.)

-I miss rainbow dragonnnnnnnn I'm so sad and still mad at toji (despite my theory that he lost himself bc the worm is banana fish I'm just bitter lmao)

-I'm so fucking sad that we didn't get to see Hanami's domain. So I made one up myself but I don't have a name for itnkajsxjskmax I just think Hanami needed a redemption arc like Choso got :(((

-the other dubs are so fkn good that when I'm tired of it I'll just play that shit in another language. The first minute of the series in French tho made me laugh so hard I had to change it. But the exchange event in German was so good

-remember when Megumi brought out Max Elephant against Noritoshi Kamo? It's like. He knew that the blood manipulation weakness was water. Maybe that's a benefit of growing up in one of the 3 major clans.

-I feel like no one ever talks about how Megumi lost Orochi AND one of the demon dogs that was with him since he was a kid when he also watched Sukuna rip out Yuuji's heart. Like we all talk about how he gets more upset over losing animals than people but all 3 of those events at once... I was rly sad at first bc I wanted to see the snake more too.

-Megumi's head bleeding in every fight for most of the anime is meant to represent that his weakness is in his head.

-when it's raining, that shows that the characters are up against something bigger than they are prepared for. (I made a whole list of every use of water and its symbolism but God I feel insane)

-the shibuya arc hurts less to watch after the first 5 times (I think? I'm on My 9th watch and I think 2 1/2 read. It's hard to keep track at this point)

-I want to see the extended mahoraga vs sukuna fight in theaters I'm so jealous oh god

-I cannot be convinced that a single character in this show is heterosexual. Everyone is gay except for hakari ig but he's an ally so

-I think that Miguel and Larue might be together but idk

-kinda weird that no one mentioned nanako or mimiko (like how no one mentioned todo and he was fiiiiiine I knew he was having fun in the culling game the whole time)

-despite how much I love hanami, my favorite animated Gojo scenes are when he is exorcising them. The English dub especially oh god

[teacup-captor]

Why self diagnosis is valid, the incomplete list:

1. Not everyone is in a safe situation. Some people may live with or otherwise be closely attached to an abuser or several abusers, who will not allow them to go to therapy or seek out other professional help. It's cruel and unfair to expect these people to wait patiently until their situation is no longer unsafe to let them understand how their brain and body works. Understanding that you are struggling physically and/or mentally can be lifechanging in these situations, as it can help people cope or at least understand themselves better. Recognizing a harmful line of thinking can be the thing needed to save a life.

2. Not everyone lives in the same country as you. Some countries don't offer the same kind of professional help that yours does. Some countries will go by different diagnostic criteria, and may straight up not recognize certain disorders.

3. Stigma against mental help exists. Some places stigmatize mental illness heavily, going to a therapist or psychologist can be heavily frowned upon. Even for a neurotypical, it could be extremely hard to seek out the help needed.

4. Other kinds of stigma exist. A disabled person may not be diagnosed because they're "too young" to be disabled, or they "look okay". Some people may not be properly diagnosed due to their sex. People may be discriminated against due to their race. I can't say too much about race since I'm white, but are you aware that people used to believe females couldn't be autistic? Did you know there's still remnants of this belief everywhere?

5. A medical professional doesn't have your brain or your body. This may be a surprise to some, but a doctor isn't magically able to feel that their patients have liver failiure, and a therapist doesn't magically gain their patients' memories and trauma. Sometimes doctors and therapists just don't want to listen. Sometimes patients lack the proper words to describe things in a way that makes sense to their doctors and therapists. Sometimes patienta can't express how much they struggle because they don't know how much they struggle until someone with the same/similar disorders as them start speaking about it in detail.

6. Poverty and discrimination exist. Some people can't afford that shit! And if they can't afford going to a doctor or therapist to get a legal diagnosis, they definitely can't afford getting fired over their diagnosis or struggling to find a job because they're disabled.

7. The government sucks! This one is targeted to the people who read point 6 and said "Well they can get paid by the government if they're disabled, right?" I live in Norway, and I'm very privileged in that respect, we're a rich country with good healthcare and such for our people, but even WE can't always afford to pay disabled people enough to survive! AND WE TAX THEM ON TOP OF THAT!

8. A majority of people who self diagnose do not watch 1 single joke video where they relate to 2 things and self diagnose off of that. People who self diagnose often (but not always) read a lot of resources about the illnesses or disorders they suspect they have. A majority of people will understand that it's not fun to be disabled, and that it negatively impacts a person. Most people will not self diagnose with autism because they flap their hands and really like trains, most people will self diagnose with autism because they have difficulties with social interaction, they struggle with sensory input, etc etc. Most people who self diagnose understand that this is serious stuff. The disabled community constantly reminds people that this is serious. And all of us are trying to spread the most accurate information about this as we can, because we're all struggling and want people to understand us.

9. People who self diagnose aren't stealing any resources. This is because people who self diagnose cannot access certain resources. People who self diagnose won't get the same accommodations at school or at work. The resources they WILL have access to are those that are less limited, such as apps (which cannot run out), fidget toys (which are constantly being produced due to their popularity with adults and especially children, disabled or not), things such as communication cards (which a lot of people make themselves) and mobility aids. In addition, they cannot be "stealing" these resources if they genuinely need them. Unless they physically steal a cane or something from someone else.

10. Self diagnosing and getting it wrong has the greatest impact on the person who self diagnoses than on anyone else. If someone self diagnoses, the greatest risk in it all is them getting it wrong. This could lead to some problems with readjusting to how they look at themselves, for more complex disorders like DID it might lead to some troubles with their sense of self, but all in all they would get the same consequences as if a medical professional misdiagnosed them, which can happen all the time.

11. You wouldn't judge someone for self diagnosing with an allergy. If someone feels their throat close up whenever they eat strawberries, it's safe to assume that person is allergic. No one would judge them for not eating strawberries if they found out they're allergic. Why shouldn't this apply to other things? If someone finds out they get very tired when they read, and often they don't remember what they've read, and they figure out it's because they're most likely dyslexic, why should anyone get mad at them for listening to audiobooks instead?

12. How the fuck else is anyone gonna get diagnosed? You don't go to the doctor because you think everything is fine. Yes, someone might go if their back suddenly starts hurting every day for 2 weeks, but when your back has been hurting your entire life you might not think something is wrong. If you really don't like wearing socks, you don't immediately think of seeking professional help, do you? But if someone starts talking about how their autism makes it hard to wear socks, and you start realizing you relate to a lot of autistic traits, then you suddenly have a reason to seek help. You don't go to a doctor because you think everything is okay.

[elemit]

A Gift, A Curse

A story in which we discover just how damned an ascended vampire can be, and just how far you will go to save the spawn you loved.

Read in full on AO3

dead dove/not beta read

fic warnings: Abuse, Angst, Biting, Blood and Gore, Blood Drinking, Bondage, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, Food Restriction, Hate Sex, Horror, Mental Coercion, Mind Control, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Sexual Coercion, Torture, Total Power Exchange, Trauma, Vampire Bites

Chapter 26: Smile

“You’re smiling,” Astarion observes across the breakfast table.

You carefully rearrange your features back to blankness.

“I didn’t say to stop,” he snaps. “It’s good to see you’re starting to appreciate your position again. Unless there’s something else that has your spirits so lifted this morning?”

His tone lets you know he already guesses at the answer, so you do not lie outright. Instead, you give him a half-truth, miming the opening and reading of a book, trying to ignore how it makes it look like you are praying to him, or begging for mercy.

“Mm. You may entertain yourself as you see fit, pet, but I would warn you against getting too lost in those petty fantasies. I feel as though you’re just making your way back to me, and it really wouldn’t do to have you disappear again.”

You nod solemnly. The rest of breakfast is taken in silence. When Astarion finishes his food - a particular favourite dish of yours today, you notice with a stab of jealousy - he speaks again.

“You may sit with me today. I have some correspondence I need to deal with this morning.”

You nod once more, trying to convey appreciation in your face. The mere thought of being alone still makes you sick, so you’re not sure why you feel a faint pang of disappointment at his words. When he rises from the table, you get up to follow him to his study.

He perches you on his lap when he takes a seat at his desk. He works his way through a stack of letters while you sit there, safe and bored and still and quiet, until a signature catches your eye.

Gale of Waterdeep.

The top of the letter is covered by other sheets of paper, and you can think of no way to subtly move them in order to read further. Tongue-tied though you are, you cannot let your curiosity go unanswered. You squeeze Astarion’s arm and point to the letter, eyebrows raised in question. He looks to where you’re pointing, then tuts.

“Naughty, little pet. If you insist on being nosy I might have to take your eyes as well as your tongue.”

He sees your face drop and laughs.

“Gods, can you imagine? You’d be insufferably needy. So helpless. It’d be funny for a day or so, perhaps, but not for much longer.” He sighs. “If you must know, our wizard friend has been helping me with the next stage of my plans. I was surprised he was willing, but I suppose he always did have a taste for power.” He smirks at his own joke. “Now, may I carry on in peace, or must I send you to wait in our bedroom?”

You bow your head and cast your eyes down, unwilling to give him any more cause to complain about you reading things that you shouldn’t be. You know it’s unfair, but you can’t help but feel angry at Gale for being a willing accomplice in Astarion’s grand plans. The wizard wasn’t a stupid man - he must be aware of, or at least suspect, how dark Astarion’s desires have become. Surely he, of all people, has the insight to realise that you are in dire need of help. You’d thought he was a friend, but his collaboration with Astarion is nothing short of complicity with your treatment. You bitterly force away your feelings of betrayal. You know they will do you no good. You can only be disappointed when you’ve hoped for a better outcome, and you’ve already promised yourself that hope is a thing of the past.

Your mind wanders back to the pang of disappointment you felt at breakfast. What reason did you have for being disappointed that Astarion wanted to spend time with you? It’s not like you had any guarantee of company elsewhere. Your chance encounter with the young Fist is plaguing your mind in ways you can’t explain, and therefore don’t like. Was it only because he had been so kind? So naively affable? Was it just because you craved such genial and light conversation after being so long of being denied any?

Or was it because his naivety had reminded you of a plan that you had long since given up on?

Could it still be possible to escape?

It seems, no matter how hard you try to disavow it, that hope refuses to leave your heart. When you break for lunch, you almost find yourself wishing that Astarion would excuse himself for the afternoon, but he invites you back to his office once more, and you follow obediently. Gratefully. You see how blank you can keep your mind until it is time to go to dinner.

You know, logically, that there is next to no chance that the Fist will be back where you met him yesterday, especially not at this time of evening. You know it, but still, you find yourself walking the long way around to get to your bedchamber when you go to dress for dinner. The long way around just so happens to go past the entrance to the west wing, and before you know it you find yourself standing in the very alcove that you met the young man yesterday.

It is, of course, empty. The corridor is entirely silent.

You stand there for a moment, feeling foolish for feeling disappointed. A stupid part of you wants to stay, but if you are late for dinner Astarion will question where you went. As you turn to leave, deflated, you notice that someone has tucked a book upright against the inner wall of the alcove. You bend down to pick it up, reading the title as you do so.

The True and Impossible Adventures of Tenebrux Morrow Vol 1

You’ve heard of the series, but never read it yourself. You flip the cover page open as you begin to walk back to your chamber and see an inscription scrawled in messy handwriting on the inside cover.

My lady, I thought you might like this, My sister says it is very good. Your humble and obedient servant, Fist Lucas

You close the book. You cannot help but smile.

[momotonescreaming]

Your posts and fics about Steve not being a pushover are some of my favorite in this fandom! I was wondering if you had any thoughts or headcanons about how Steve would deal with other members of the older party, instead of the younger party? This is more so in fanon than canon, but people mocking his intelligence or being surprised he's not a douche? Thanks!

Oh!! Thank you so much!!! That really means a lot! I'm always a little nervous when I make another post about Steve's boundaries and how fanon sometimes treats him, so it's a relief to hear people like them haha. 

You raise an interesting question! And one I will admit I haven't thought about too much, actually. Most of my posts have been about Steve and Dustin, as that's what I've been thinking about lately, but you're so right that the older teens do it too. LOTS to think about. So fair disclaimer that I'm thinking and writing by the seat of my pants here. 

I do just want to start off by saying that fanon is fun! Taking canon apart and disecting it, taking out its parts and figuring out how it works is fun! Diving deep and analysing and comparing what the writers intended vs what they ended up portraying vs what the fans thought. Media analysis baby! But fanon (like canon), can't cater to everyone. I'm just a Steve girlie with a lot of feelings. Not to say canon's exempt, of course. These ideas had to have come from somewhere. And I swear that each season gets a little bit worse at turning Steve into a verbal punching bag. A joke. He was supposed to be Nancy's jerk boyfriend who died, but everyone loved Joe Keery so much they kept him alive. And now they thank him by boiling his character down to a dumb jock who was an asshole. It's tiring. 

I remember ages ago there was a post (that I cannot find for the life of me) that pointed out that in season 1 Steve says the word connoisseurs (in the scene with the camera smashing) but if they made him say that in season 4 they would have made Dustin make a comment how he didn't know Steve knew a word with that many syllables or something.

All this insulting Steve, all the canon jokes and fanon characterisation shitting on his interests and his personality and the fact that he decided to be a better person 3 years ago by the time S4 rolls around? Just feels like an excuse to shit on the jock. Revenge of the nerds. But it just makes the nerds look like bullies. Like the Duffers got bullied by jocks when they were kids and now they're making it everyone else's problem.

But to the actual point of this ask! The older party! Below the cut because this got long.

First up is Eddie! With canon Eddie a part of me doesn't think he would make fun of Steve's intelligence or call him a douche post season 4. A big part of Eddie's journey was him getting his whole world turned upside down (pun not intended). With the whole monsters thing, but also with his worldview! He thought he was confident and tough, but realised that he panicked when things got real (which I mean, fair, but that's not what we're talking about). And that he was making assumptions about people based on his own unfair biases! He canonically admits to Steve that he couldn't accept the fact that Steve is a Good Dude and the only reasons he thought he was a douche was that he has rich parents, was popular, and chicks love him. Nothing based on Steve's actions. Him turning around after all that to comment about Steve's intelligence, or bringing up his non existent assholery again just feels like a huge backslide. Doing both their characters a real disservice.

But you mentioned fanon more than canon, and there are absolutely fanon Eddie's out there who would insult Steve like that. And I gotta be honest - I don't think that Steve would take that lying down. Steve absolutely has an angry knee jerk reaction to things during this show. Back in S1, but also in S4 - when he says to Dustin that he was going to punch him so hard his teeth would fall back out. If Eddie, the new dude, decided he was going to be a jerk and insult Steve's intelligence? Steve would absolutely retort that it was fucking rich coming from the guy who failed senior year twice. Which is harsh, but I'd be angry too if I saved this guy's life and he turns around and calls me stupid for it. He'd call Eddie a hypocrite.

One thing I like about Steddie (both platonically, and romantically) is how they're on equal footing. The get along. They respect each other. Stop making Eddie a jerk to Steve for no good reason.

Eddie bringing up he thought Steve was a douche feels better than the other instances because he admits he was wrong!! Willingly! To Steve's face! But any times after? Steve would drop Eddie like a hot potato. He's not going to hang around with someone who's a dick to him for no reason. The fact that they went through the Upside Down together isn't going to make him suffer through it. Like, there's no way Steve hung out with Nancy and Jon after the breakup. No Upside Down monsters could make that less awkward.

Speaking of other instances - Robin. Stobin, my beloved. Sometimes I wonder if people actually like Steve, or if they just put up with him because him and Robin are a special deal. My thoughts on her are a little more all over the place, so bare with.

Is she a jerk to him in Season 3? Yes. But she's also a lonely, angry, teen, holding a grudge against him for no good reason. The only 2 things she says she hated him for were - he ate bagels messily in class, and that he didn't pay attention to the girl she had a crush on. Once again, nothing substantial.

But then they get tortured together, they become best friends. They get a job together again and he drives her to school. Robin canonically is the one to bring up what if they could combine into one person. She cares about Steve! She loves him so much she wants to merge with him!! And yet so much fanon has her acting like Steve is a bad rash she can't get rid of. Insulting him at every chance she gets. I get that friendships have gentle ribbing, teasing and jokes, because you know them and you know where their line in the sand is. But a lot of fanon feels like Robin rubbing salt into the wound. Taking it too far.

How many times does Steve have to apologise for being an asshole when he really wasn't that bad in the first place?

Steve reinforcing his boundaries with aggressive fanon Robin would be more chill than Eddie, I think. More like a conversation. Like, hey, you're my best friend and what you're saying is actually really hurting me? Could you please stop because it really doesn't feel like you want to be my friend since you won't stop insulting my intelligence? Robin isn't just an angry teen on her own anymore, she has a friend and the things she says has an effect. I can see him being more conservative with it than him telling Tommy & Carol that they're assholes. If he loses Robin, he goes back to his only friend being Dustin. But he'd still bring it up. He wouldn't just roll over and take it.

If she didn't listen when he talked to her like an adult? That's when he'd call her out like he did Tommy and Carol. If he can call out his best friends before, he'd do it again. It'd suck, but he needs to put himself first.

Nancy and Jon I'm still thinking about.

Jon doesn't like Steve, doesn't respect him, and canonically says mean things about Steve still, after Steve's done so much to atone, to save and help everyone. That mean joke he makes at the end of S4 about Steve being in charge? Oof.

A part of me can see Steve being like 'who cares what that guy thinks, I know myself'. But I'm afraid I just don't have a lot more on Jon. He's just not a character I'm a big fan of so I'm not as confident with his characterisation.

Nancy however? Nancy would hurt. Steve loved her, cared for her, she was there when he was trying to be better, when he was atoning. (I know that Steve says that Nancy was the bump on the head he needed, but he's wrong. He did it himself. But that's besides the point.). He went with her to the Hollands, he saved her little brother's life, him and all the party. With Billy and then in the tunnels. He opened up to her, she helped him with his college essays. She broke his heart and for her to turn around and comment on his intelligence? to call him a douche? would fucking hurt. Not at the same level as the S2 drunk bathroom bullshit convo, but it would hurt.

A part of me can see Steve doing the whole - pinch the bridge of your nose to hold back the tears and leave - thing like in S2 after the party. But a part of me could see Steve having had the time away from her to say something. But IDK. I'm not too sure on this. If she wasn't going to be mature about their breakup, about the things he told her, wasn't going to respect him and not insult him after all the things she's done? I'd say leave her behind, but I don't know if Steve would. He has a big heart. It might just be easier to take the bittersweet option and quietly let her go. Don't interact.

ANYWAY. OOF. Sorry this got so long, I was thinking and then my brain kind of ran away with me. Hopefully this was the sort of thing you were thinking? It was a fun thought experiment either way!!

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Kathleen Stock

Published: Apr 14, 2024

It is a cliché that when the US sneezes, the world catches a cold. Thankfully, when it comes to the phenomenon of wokeness — loosely understood as a box set of holier-than-thou attitudes about race, gender identity and sexual minorities, with accompanying punishment beatings for dissenters — many now appear to be reaching for the antivirals.

A friend of mine who teaches in a famous North American liberal arts college, full of achingly cool rich kids, tells me her undergrads are “so over” pronoun rounds, eye-rolling whenever staff try to introduce them in the classroom. Taste-making East Coast broadsheets are dipping nervous toes in the water on subjects such as unfair male advantage in women’s sport and the experimental status of medicalised child transition, having avoided or spiked such stories for years. The once ubiquitous hashtag #BlackLivesMatter has fallen out of favour with many, after accusations that the founders of the namesake organisation misused donations and enriched themselves.

Meanwhile in Britain, football players taking the knee are an increasingly rare sight. Organisations such as Sports England and the Arts Council are quietly exiting Stonewall’s Diversity Champions scheme, and the once-ebullient charity no longer feels confident enough to advertise the list of members on its own website. Free speech societies are forming with renewed vitality in British universities; and last week even saw those bellwethers of middle-class humour, the blokes on Have I Got News For You, pluck up courage to make a tentative joke about gender identity flags in NHS hospitals.

So can the rest of us — the ones who knew all along that wokeness was a pseudo-progressive hobby for guilty rich people, role-playing as meaningful political action — relax? Unfortunately not yet. For I’m afraid the demise of woke won’t be like the end of toothbrush moustaches, indie folk music or any other temporary behaviour supercharged by the whims of the young and the hip, then dropped without consequence. Wokeness, in contrast, is a bit like a hulking great boulder launched into the middle of a calm lake: waves will be crashing on the shoreline long after the epicentre bears no trace.

The most obvious difference between wokeness and other passing fashions is that nobody working in HR ever decreed that moustache-wearers or indie folk-listeners be considered uniquely oppressed minority groups. In contrast, thanks to wild and unevidenced claims made at the height of wokemania by lobbying groups, thousands of organisations have been left with unfair, illiberal and sometimes even illegal policies that blatantly cater to the special interests of a few: rules about how social spaces can be accessed and by whom; what data can and cannot be collected; what conversations are allowed and which are not. Policies tend to dictate organisational behaviour long after those who first championed them move on ideologically; and especially when propped up by a raft of specially created career positions, whose occupants have a financial interest in maintaining the momentum.

And alongside such policies, superficially moralised gestures have become embedded in many workplaces, embraced by senior figures for no better reason than they think everyone else is doing it too and by junior figures because the boss is doing it. Students at liberal arts colleges may no longer be listing their pronouns but the head of MI6 currently has his in his Twitter/X bio. Activist-sanctioned holy weeks and days are carefully observed by blue-chip managers. Hospitals, construction sites, police stations, council buildings, banks and hotels are festooned with the visual monstrosity that is the Progress flag. None of this happened with the craze for platform shoes or Agas.

In effect, the storm-surge of wokeness throughout British institutions from 2020 onwards was what the political scientist Cass Sunstein has called a “reputational cascade”: a relatively small number of people started acting in a certain way, each for roughly independent reasons; then at a certain point, a wider group of people started observing the behaviour of the smaller group and copying them, each privately assuming their reputations would be damaged if they did not. Before long, this pattern expanded exponentially, helped by the odd bit of public witch-burning.

Here again is a difference with more benign aesthetic crazes: if you don’t keep up with the moral version, you risk losing your social circle or even your job. But the reputational cascade that was wokeness didn’t just deter dissent from those frightened to swim against the perceived tide. It also incentivised opportunists, who actively used the surging tide to swim further ahead than their competitors. Many organisations latched on to it as a positive marketing strategy, thereby creating workplace structures and habits that, from the inside, now seem very difficult to unpick.

Perhaps, though, we shouldn’t be too gloomy. For of course, the existence of a reputational cascade doesn’t require sincere belief in the rectitude or wisdom of whatever behaviours you are copying, only the sincere belief that nearly everybody else thinks such behaviours are good ones. And, while no doubt depressing as a fact about human nature, this also has an upside: it only takes widespread realisation that other people don’t actually believe what you thought they believed for a reputational cascade to collapse. As organisations start to cotton on properly to the fact the tides of fashion are turning, it will be interesting to see what happens next.

[ Via: https://archive.today/z6ilh ]

==

This feels like it belongs with my "decline of religion" tag.

We're going to see a lot of historical revisionism, lying, ass-covering and gaslighting as the hold of "woke" falls apart, first gradually, then very, very quickly.

The Salem Witch Trials ended almost as quickly as they began once people in charge stopped pretending that they believed the crazy little girls and their theatrics.

The fallout and damage is going to be with us for a long time to come, though.

[kelocitta]

What if I want to hear your thoughts on the void worms and saint and how people see them? What then? Because now I'm curious ngl (no pressure tho)

Ah I certainly could try to get my thoughts in a row, and was sorta planning on it once I got a sideblog set up (I have it but its WIP at the moment) I can sorta cover what I primarily think though, a bit less properly thought out and in order. Warning for Downpour endings.

New addition made after I typed everything: I did not hold back this is so long. I went insane okay

*Small Note, I know Rain World is themed heavily around concepts of Buddhism and it's teachings, but for the most part I'm not really gonna invest much in that for my own thoughts on the things in it.

I'll start by saying I have a lot of complex thoughts on Saint, I don't dislike their campaign (It's neat!) but I do have hm… certain feelings on the what it communicates and how it communicates it, but I'll also say I think I interpret Rain World in a very different way than a lot of people do, or at least have a "second half" to the thoughts people tend to express, and the way Saint plays out gives me conflicted emotions from those feelings. That and with RW's inspirations its just… easy to be conflicted emotionally. Without going to far into things I guess you could say that in many ways I see Saint as a bad thing. Not really a villain but a… negative. It's complicated and I don't really have the words for it right now, other than I think RW does a lot with its themes of life and death and Saint complicates it as an outside force imposing a solution. And perhaps that statement there makes the caption on the art a little more clear- "Do you think yourself above it all?" as something that could be the statement of either Saint or the Worm.

Jumping from that to the "how people see them" I often see a sort of expression of surprise, mostly playfully, about how the solution turned out to be a slugcat (Saint). The idea there is a sort of novel "Ha! Its this silly little forgettable creature" but in what way is Saint any different from the worms? Are the worms not also creatures, just ones that live in an environment most cannot? They are massive and incomprehensible from our perspective, but thats hardly a new thing- there are some things just above peoples ability to understand, and that really doesn't make them abnormal or unnatural. I suppose I find the whole placement of the worms as some sort of divine creature or gods to be misplaced because even within RW the concept of a god is recontextualized- Five Pebbles gloats to the player that they are "Godlike in comparison" while rotting away from the inside and crumbling to pieces, because at the end of it all his position doesn't save him from the mechanisms of the world, even if he stands high above many of the creatures of the world and would be "incomprehensible" to a lizard or slugcat in the same way a giant space worm would be to us. Are the echos, ghosts as they are, gods? So what does it even mean to be a god, in the context of rain world?

There's another aspect, which is that ultimately the worms still lie at the heart of the solution, the final step when the survivor leaps into the void is to have themselves plucked by the worms and ascended. When artificer dives into the sea, the worms reject them for their incomplete karma (They observe them, and then leave, forcing artificer to just continue swimming), and they dissolve. They don't become an echo, they just fade away in the waves the void. Its not so much the just void sea that does the ascension- its the worms within it too. In this aspect Saint is very similar to them- but forgoes the void. To make a bit of a joke, a worm off the string.

So going back to my first statement on Saint being a bad thing… I said I wasn't going into it but damn, I am, a lot of people seem to view the void ends as some sort of "Life sucks, and then you die" kinda thing. Life sucks, you fail over and over, its unfair and horrible and then you die. And in the context of Rain World you die, and then you wake back up in a new life and start it all over again. But people tend to interpret this so… pessimistically. When actually Rain World, even the base game, actually holds a lot of love for that cycle as something worth it. Survivor wakes up after a traumatic event and they fail over and over, they exist in a frustrating environment they have no control over and no real help for- but its through those failures that they (you) get better. You fail less, you learn, you understand. And even if things stay unfair eventually you get your bearings and you can face that uncertainty with more confidence, you grow and establish yourself- you can even start going outside your safety nets and still succeed. To quote the actual achievement for survivor- "This land has become your home". The fun of Rain World, the part that sticks with people- is when it finally clicks and they start to get it, when they get just a little bit better at understanding the world they live in, the creature they are, and can find the fun in a world that is scary and unfair but something you can overcome if you just keep trying.

And that's the beauty of a life- that despite that suffering you can still get back up again and do better. You can do worse. But you still get back up. In the wide scope of Rain World's reincarnation, you can fail so badly its lethal but still, ultimately, try again. The world around you is cruel and unfair but not impossible. There can be rain and blizzards so awful that most things can't survive them but some things can, and will. Life finds a way. Even ascension, the escape- is something you can only get after you've gotten good enough to make it there. You learn how the world works, make peace with it. And at the end, if you so choose, you can take this and complete your cycle via ascension.

Downpour spins this all very differently with its endings- instead opting to give the slugcats ways to indulge in their lives- to find their homes, their families, find friends… It very much indulges in the exact opposite of ascension- a reverence for life, overcoming the suffering in return for the good. Attachment to the world. In Artificers case, they can indulge in such simpleminded lust for revenge and violence that they can lock themselves at karma one. It begs the question- is giving this up something to be desired? Is an attachment to life good or bad? If you know there is a solution to simply cease existence, what does it mean to take that choice? The Echos says as much- The Ancients understood how the aspects of how their world works. They sought such, and some failed, others didn't. Some resent their failure. Others made peace with it. Some don't understand why it was ever something anyone wanted. The rest ceased to be.

And I guess that's where Saint comes in as something I have conflict over. With the void worms there's an aspect of choice to choosing to cross yourself out. Saint acts as a solution to the fact some creatures cant possibly even know there is a way out of life to seek. The struggle for survival is, of course, a struggle after all. Death is something creatures want to escape, but failing to do so just means returning to the escape again. But what does it mean to take that choice from something that doesn't even know it has it? Will Saint take that choice from things that know it, and wouldn't want it? The iterators want it, sought it, direct those who ask to it, but that was the purpose of their whole creation. They are satisfied with Saint's choice to do so, but if the Ancient in undergrowth were still around, what of them? They seemed to not want to seek such a thing at all, moved by some unknown pressure. The world teems with life still- a harsh blizzard, a burning desert, these are not lesser ecosystems than a forest or a city. The world is not barren, not empty, and when the Ancients' towers finally crumble away into unrecognizable scrap and dirt made of rust, life will continue to pull themselves from the dust.

Its sad, its solemn to think that one day everything here and everything there will become nothing recognizable. That any link between past and future may vanish so thoroughly that no lines can be drawn between them… but it is also kinda beautiful in a way. The stubbornness of it all.

Perhaps this is just a very long way of saying I would become an echo.

[soracities]

Just a note from the other side of unrequited love - I (f) was completely blindsided when my friend (also f) told me she was in love with me. I thought we were just very good friends who’d known each other for a decade.

Her telling me was very sweet, but now I think about it, just added to my stress - I was telling her about one of my lowest points (which at the time was recent) where I had been made to feel completely inferior, and in return told me I was perfect to her. I sincerely thanked her, surprised by her insistence, and continued my story, but she interrupted me to tell me again that I was perfect. And that she loved me.

She asked my feelings - said it was fine if I didn’t feel the same. I think I knew in my heart that I didn’t, but I was so shocked and wanted time to think it through, which only confirmed I didn’t feel that way about her. I told her in one of the most awkward conversations in our friendship, and said that I hoped we could stay friends if she wanted to. She did.

And so we continued. I’d asked her when she told me - how long? when did you realise? what made you realise? - but she couldn’t answer. Though I’d been curious, I put them out of my mind for her comfort, and tried to return to normal.

It’s different now, though, for me, and I don’t think she realises. She makes occasional comments about how good we’d be as a couple because of how well we get on, or jokes about how we fall into traditional stereotypes of husband and wife. She’s even offered a few times again, jokingly-but-not, saying “I would still date you if you ever changed your mind…” She occasionally asks about my love life, and reiterates the offer. I make my feelings clear, and we change the subject, but I think I need to have a direct conversation to end it because I feel so uncomfortable every time it comes up as I know I won’t change my mind.

At first, I felt like I should love her the way she wants me to. How shallow am I to throw away a relationship just because I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction to her? But I’m realising that to place such expectations on myself is unfair, and that shallow as it may be, those are two of the defining features that delineate platonic and romantic love. I’m the person she is closest to outside her family, so even if I thought space was best, I know it’d break her. She’s absolutely wonderful, as a friend. So I continue, keep things light hearted, tell her it’s not something I want when she brings it up, and worry inside when she starts planning our “supposedly platonic” future of buying our own apartment together… I’m fine really, but just wanted to say the other end of unrequited love is hardly ideal either!

i can completely, completely understand this, and i really, really hope you are able to have this conversation with her sooner rather than later, for both of your sakes so that you, and her, can begin to move on. no matter what this is always such a delicate situation and trying to navigate it with care and consideration for both of your feelings is never easy and never going to be without pain or heartbreak, no matter how much you may wish to mitigate that.

for what it's worth, i don't think it is being shallow--you can, absolutely, acknowledge your own needs, and respect those needs, while at the same time recognizing that someone else doesn't meet them and that this doesn't detract from their character either--it's not fair on yourself to carry such discomfort in your friendship and no matter how you go about this you cannot avoid the hurt because it is not so much a question of if there will be pain but when; your friendship should be able to nourish you both in the healthiest way possible and i hope, again, that you can open this conversation with your friend soon because it really sounds like it is needed. i'm sorry you're in such an uncomfortable and tricky situation but i'm sincerely wishing you the best through this, anon ♡

[lusthurts]

wip wednesday!

thank you @daisyishedwig and @calsvoid for the tag -- actually very excited this week about this because it's the first major progress on this fic I've made in months lol, been basically working on the how bright we burn senior year fic nonstop for three days so it was hard to figure out what part of the first four chapters I wanted to share! but here is some for you ;)

“What are you two talking about?” Emma asks, jumping into a landing behind them and immediately wrapping an arm around each of them. “Fucking Sebastian Smythe.” Nick shakes his head defeatedly and has another sip from his beer, then passes the joint to Emma.  “Hate that guy,” Emma replies before starting a coughing fit.  “You don’t hate him,” Blaine points out with an eye roll.  “You’re right. I just pretend to hate him,” she says with a dramatic wink. “Why are we mad at Sebastian?”  “I told him I love him!” Blaine blurts out. “Awww,” Emma and Nick both say in unison. Blaine shoves Nick and grabs the joint from Emma’s fingers. “No, not aw. He didn’t say it back! And he’s not going to, either! He said he feels ‘ineffable.’ That’s a real fancy, complicated way of saying absolutely fucking nothing!” The words are spilling out of him before he can consider whether he wants to contain them. Emma and Nick both look at him like he’s just uttered paragraphs of gibberish, and maybe he did. Blaine’s already forgotten what he said.  Nick squints at Blaine, then glances at Emma for clarification. “Ineffable?” he echoes, face scrunching up in confusion. “What does that even mean?”  “Fuck if I know,” Blaine says. He chugs the remainder of his beer.   “It means,” Emma starts, taking the joint back from Blaine and puffing on it thoughtfully, “that he can’t put his feelings into words. Which is bullshit if you ask me.”  Blaine nods. He knows what it means; he just keeps hoping its meaning will change.  “Well, maybe it’ll take you another whole school year to get him to admit he loves you,” Nick says.  Blaine can tell he’s joking, but it’s deeply unsettling to hear his love story with Sebastian whittled down to that. Nick’s right; it took Sebastian a whole school year to admit his feelings last time. Blaine’s not sure he can handle nine more months of this, though.  “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” Blaine admits quietly. He leans back against the wall and stares up at the night sky, the blurry stars that bleed into each other and mirror his muddled thoughts. “It’s like, every time I think we’re finally getting somewhere, we just hit another wall. First it was feelings, then it was his past relationships, then it was his mom, and now we’re back at square one again. It’s a little unfair, don’t you think?”  Emma passes the joint back to Nick, who takes a long drag before speaking. “Relationships are fucking hard, man.”  “I’ll drink to that,” Emma agrees, raising her plastic cup for cheers with them. 

I cannot think of tags at the moment lol so anyone who would like to participate definitely should!

[quodekash]

AAAAAA HIDDEN AGENDA ITS FINALLY HERE

I CRIED WHILE WATCHING THE TRAILER TWO WEEKS AGO AND IM STILL NOT SURE WHY, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IM FREAKING EXCITED FOR IT SO LETS GOOOO

friends and foes, ladles and gentlespoons, humans and robots and aliens, i present to you: the very first line in this entire series.

truly eye-opening.

same.

also LOUIS

HELLO LOUIS

ILY LOUIS

dunk with glasses is a gift we dont deserve but we do love it and are eternally grateful for it

boy you're whipped already

IM CRYING

WHY AM I CRYING AT THAT

HES JUST STARING AT HIM WHY IS THAT CAUSE FOR TEARS

why are people attractive.

we have this bitch. we have dunk in glasses.

im dying over here.

"i booked the studio. and you're over by 5 minutes. how would you pay me back?" idk man, i think you should make out for 5 minutes. it only seems fair.

BRO I WAS KIDDING WHY ARE YOU STEPPING THAT CLOSE TO HIM

OISHI SPONSORSHIP

(welcome to my blog, im obsessed with oishi despite never having tried it (YET, ill find an asian grocer with it one day))

THEM

IM PRETTY SURE THEYRE ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I CRIED DURING THE TRAILER

I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

is this the library from my engineer.

it is not the library from my engineer :(

ITS SUCH SIMPLE HUMOUR BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

bro louis' character is such a mood in this

what is it with characters called pat and being me-coded

interesting book placement, right next to the book theyre looking for

i get that its in the political section but i like that 'gender violence' and 'violence against lesbians and gay men' and 'breaking the silence: violence against women in asia' are just right there, like gmmtv is trying to say something

idk what theyre saying, im too tired to decipher it, but i think thats pretty interesting

anyway

AJ IS SO TALL AND LOUIS IS SO SHORT AND ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

dO YOU MEAN PRANSOCOOL????

pls theyre gossiping about him on the bus and they have no idea that HES ON THE BUS and his reactions are so funny, i love him so much

nice. very casual. he'll have no idea that you like him.

THEYRE BOTH SO PRETTY

AND ALSO HOT

AND ATTRACTIVE

AND SO PRETTY

I LOVE THEM

I LOVE PEOPLE

IM TOO PAN FOR THIS, SEND HELP

WITH WHO???

IS IT PERHAPS WITH UH

THE CHARACTER PLAYED BY AOU? i forgot his name

g u y

not kidding, guy is literally his actor's name

G U Y

i think it's entirely unfair that joong is so pretty and attractive AND he's so talented at singing. its very rude

awww he caught him

REASSURING BACK RUBS WHILE HE THROWS UP THATS SO SWEET

IF THIS LINE GETS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT IM--

oh you think he's so cute (you're right)

HSDFSDFSHDFDS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS

that conversation was literally

"punch yourself" "okay." "wait dont punch yourself" "so youve forgiven me?" "nope. now come with me to a room where itll just be us two and i'll probably end up serenading you with my voice and guitar, and itll leave you feeling really confused"

like. what the hell.

HIS HAIR IS SO PRETTY

kiss.

b r o

theyre so queer and i cannot deal with it

ITS SO UNFAIR HOW PRETTY HE IS

bro is just being so upfront about stuff, gosh damn. i could never.

also that line reminded me of "i just like to see your face (when you lose)" from bad buddy

THE EPISODE IS OVER ALREADY??

he's gay, hun, that's gonna be a little bit difficult

THAT WAS A LOVELY START TO THE SERIES

im not quite obsessed with it yet, but i suppose thats because there hasnt been a side couple introduced yet, and i am an unfortunate example of Side Couple Syndrome, BUT as of currently, joke and zo are lovely and joongdunk are lovely and this series seems lovely, and i am very excited for episode 2

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

When teasing goes a bit too far [pt.3]

Characters: Asra (he/they, The Arcana), N (they/them, S/I), Faust (she/her, Asra's familiar)

Selfship: Asra and N (queerplatonic)

Words: 1.4k

Summary: Marriage can mean a lot of things, and the process of thinking about them is making N's insecurities stronger.

Notes: the weekly dose of emotional hurt/comfort some of us need. especially self-indulgent im sorry beware XDDD

pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Epilogue

He had just turned the stove on when he saw N standing on their tiptoes to reach some plates in the cupboard. It was a very simple —and nowadays part of their routine— view, yet the domesticity of it still managed to get a soft smile out of him. 

Asra watched N prepare the table. They looked so focused on their little task that he did not dare to break the silence until, right after finishing and giving the table an approving grin, they went back to Asra’s side and watched the stove with them. He welcomed them by his side by giving them a quick kiss near their ear.

“Are you hungry? You seem kind of fidgety.”

“Not really, but I’m really looking forward to having some of your cooking,” N commented, eyes on the pot. “Or maybe I’m just excited to have dinner with you.”

“But we have dinner together almost every day.”

“Still.”

He nudged them with his shoulder, their smile showing his teeth. N got comfortable for the little wait and turned to support their back on the counter. As they stayed there in silence, their eyes wandered through the kitchen as if they hadn’t been there before. And then the pot. And the floor too, for a moment.

“How long will it take?” they asked after some minutes of silence.

“Hm, around thirty minutes, maybe?”

“Right.” N’s eyes wandered again before going back to Asra. “Do you mind if I talk about something, then?”

Upon hearing the question, Asra unconsciously stepped closer. Not enough to touch them, but as close as they could get to catch their attention. He nodded. The serious tone in their voice had started to worry them.

“Sorry if this sounds too sad, all of a sudden, but– Are you… happy, spending life with me like this?”

“Of course I am,” he reassured, although still concerned about the question. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Really?” their doubt came with a sad smile and a lower voice. “I know we’ve been together for some years now, but I have recently started to fear that you… deserve better? That you deserve more. Don’t take me wrong, I love you and being with you, but it began to feel unfair to want to keep you with me when you could be so much happier somewhere else.”

“Oh, N.”

His brow furrowed, their hand in the air as they waited for N to make a gesture that would let him caress them. Yet they made an effort to maintain that sad smile. Asra felt lost for a moment, but the feeling of their partner slowly holding his hand helped them organise his thoughts somehow.

“There’s… so, so much I simply cannot give you,” N continued while tracing the lines of his hand. “We both know it, and yet, how can you be so sure that being with me is the right thing for you?”

“Because I want you, that I’m sure of,” he said, finally holding their cheek. “I don’t want anything that would hurt you or that you don’t want to do. I want your jokes, waking up to the sight of your bed hair and the smile you give me when you accept my affection.”

“But–”

“N, you’re letting the worry take up too much space inside of you. Look at me.”

The hand he had kept on their cheek was now fixing their hair at a slow pace. Asra could feel their eyes on his, so he gave them a moment as he focused on their face. After he held their hand a bit tighter and N held it back, he took a breathe in and continued:

“I want you, N. Not anything nor anyone else,” they placed a finger on their chest, right on their heart. “You can trust me, you know this.”

“Hm.” Their eyes turned teary, but they fought the tears and nodded. 

“I like you so much I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express it all, so you’ll have to bear with me while I try to do so during all the years to come. Does that sound good to you?”

“Yeah,” N answered, using their free hand to wipe off some small tears now. “Sorry for the needed reassurance. I just really thought that…”

“I would never leave you for having boundaries, N,” they confirmed, practically guessing the other’s thoughts. “In fact, I could start listing off all the little things that make me feel lucky I get to spend my days with you, and none of them would disrespect said boundaries. Ever.”

“Oh, come on,” they awkwardly chuckled, having a hard time keeping up with the new positive tone of their chat. Asra caressed their hand and supported the side of his body on the counter, as if that simple shift in his position meant he had accepted their own challenge.

“Let’s see…,” they sighed with a smile, swinging N’s hand in theirs. “I like how you always feel the need to have breakfast after waking up, and the way you slowly walk towards me when you need a hug only because it is cold outside.”

“Hey,” they smiled, yet spoke as if they were offended.

“I like the way you welcome Faust into your arms, always opening them as if you were about to receive a hug from a person. And how you smile at clients, especially when it is their first time receiving a reading from you and you just want them to feel comfortable. I like your serious look when you ask for the simplest stuff, and how your eyes open when a spell you’ve spent time on suddenly works out.”

N didn’t have the strength to say anything, really. They barely found courage to look at their partner’s face at first, but he continued nevertheless and went on again. They were carefully being wrapped between caresses on their knuckles and praises aimed to their ears. Asra was… caring like that.

“I like how your eyes shine when we meet our friends and it is so obvious that everyone you love is in the same place. I like how you still try to cling to me when sleeping even on the hottest summer nights. I like how seriously you take your journaling, and that focused look of yours when you are determined to do something. I like the feeling of your lips against my forehead and the way our hands look together when we walk through the marketplace. I, of course, like the way you pronounce my name when your accent in your mother tongue clearly shows as you speak.”

“Asra…”

“Yeah, exactly like that.”

Their sweet smile showed their dimples as they fondly stared at N, who reached out to his cheek. Their thumb caressed the lines that appeared as a consequence of that smile and, after a moment of reflection, they wrapped Asra in their arms. He quickly held them back, hands meeting behind N’s back.

“I love you,” N whispered, almost as if they could not speak properly. “And sorry again, for all of that.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m happy to remind you that I love you too.”

“Thank you, really,” they expressed as they hid in the crook of his neck. “I’ll try not to worry that much.”

Asra patted their back, still holding them close. Their heart wondered what the root of these recent doubts was, and his hypothesis was, perhaps, only what he wished to be true. With their face getting warmer and the conversation with Vassago in their mind, he tried to calm his heart before asking:

“Have you been thinking about this because of…?”

“Hm,” N answered in an affirmative tone, interrupting Asra’s hesitation as if neither of them were prepared to hear the end of that question. “I want to make sure you have the best for you in your life.”

That fluttering feeling again. He had to swallow his words and think twice about what to say after that. However, even if he had planned something for it, it was meant to fail due to the short time they had in their hands. The water inside the pot started to spill from all that time with no one keeping an eye on it, and N rushed to turn the stove off. They laughed at the mess together and prepared to clean it all before Faust tried to drink something from the floor.

[howtotrainyouragents]

Agent H's Book Reactions

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

Revolution is rising in the districts of Panem as Katniss and Peeta are selected again for the Hunger Games Quarter Quell

-Unfair, that only Gale calls Katniss Catnip. I, too, would like to call her Catnip

-It's really fun reading the love triangle through the lens of what each boy represents (Gale: rage and rebellion, Peeta: hope and peace) because it so beautifully serves Katniss' emotions and journey. She chooses Gale when she decides to join the rebellion instead of running. She holds on to Peeta in the Capitol/Games. etc. Genius character technique, Collins

-I completely understand why Collins wrote it this way, but I wish that the victory tour had been longer. Like it goes by in pretty much two pages. I was looking forward to them going to each district, because it would help us get to know each district better and see the rebellions first hand. And I think it could've raised some tensions if while on tour, District 12 was being cracked down on and Gale got in trouble, and there'd be nothing Katniss could do. It parallels watching the Games and emphasizes the hopelessness and violence the Capitol is trying to inflict

-Between the victory tour and the Quell announcement, I was really bored. It was important plot set up and I really appreciate how these books dedicate time to Katniss's trauma and emotional well-being. But it dragged on a bit too long for me.

-I really appreciate the posts that point how Rue is the true start of the rebellion, but I don't want to mistake that for the impression that her death matters more than her life. She was a young Black girl, she deserved to live :(

-At first I was like, ugh, this Games feels different than the first. But, duh that's the point!! The first part of this book is about the districts uprising. The second part of the book is the microcosm of the districts, the victors uprising. The Games feel different because it truly is the districts against the Capitol instead of each other

-They say that once the gong rings, the solidarity that the victors showed during the interviews will be gone. But then they're wrong!! Katniss and all work in a team, and they rebel against the Games by showing compassion and solidarity. It's the victors working together to rescue Katniss. It's Peeta consoling the dying victor. It's Katniss taking the time to clean and soothe Beetee and Wiress. It's joking around with Finnick. It's Finnick having Johanna's back. That's the revolution!!

-I like the first book's arena more for how it was so realistic, but I can appreciate just how batshit traumatizing this book's arena is. Who tf thinks of raining blood??? Also I like the set up of the District 12 electric fence to the arena's forcefield. And how them destroying the force field is the literal AND metaphorical destroying the games for good

-Really sometime I should sit down with this series and just connect all the different parallels and symbolisms and set ups

-Peeta continues to be the best and my favorite

-"If it weren't for the baby"- PEETA MELLARK IS THAT BITCH. I LOVE HIM

-Unsurprisingly, I am down bad for Johanna. I want her to step on me

-*Me @me*: You cannot adopt another gorgeous, witty, secretly tragic boy. *Me, sighing, knowing this will not end well, but putting Finnick Odair in my pocket anyway*

-I know it was for the escape plan, but it was so cute how Finnick was obsessively counting the bread each time

-I couldn't tell if Finnick knew the truth on the baby thing, but I thought it was adorable that he seemed to so earnestly believe Katniss' lies, e.g., the baby, hearing the forcefield

-The whole hearing the force field thing is so funny because it has no significance to the plot, it's just Katniss overthinking things again and then having to keep up the lie

-I love Katniss and Peeta so much. They're so ride-or-die for each other before ever having real feelings (on Katniss's part at least) involved. Like the foundation of the relationship is just pure human empathy and friendship in the face of unimaginable circumstances. God damn

-I also really love how as much as Peeta gives Katniss hope, she also gives him hope. She saves him in the games. She makes life in District 12 worth living. It's not just one-sided, they save each other. Couples who mutually inspire each other to live=Top Tier

-I got confused on the ending, but why wasn't Peeta at the tree with Beetee? Finnick went after Johanna and Katniss after they realized the wire was cut. So I can get that Peeta would've wanted to go after them too, but Beetee would've insisted that he stayed put, right? Do they ever explain this?

-See, the rebellion rescuing Katniss feels less like plot armor to me than I think other books would've made it feel, mainly I think because Finnick and Johanna were still down to kill Katniss if it came to it and District 13 is very much also just using her in their Games

-Ohhh, the ending with Haymitch hurts so much. Because Peeta says that he lied to one of them about which one he'll keep alive. And we, like Katniss, know that he lied to Peeta because he agreed that it's Peeta's turn to live. But as much as he loves Peeta, turns out he lied to Katniss and us. The betrayal is real T^T

-The movie gives a cleaner explanation on why Katniss and Peeta can't know about the rescue plan

-Because I rewatched the movie immediately after finishing the book, Strokes of genius from the movie: 1) The little girl saying she wants to volunteer like Katniss (scariest moment of the movie) 2) The graffiti "the odds were never in our favor" 3) The shot of Johanna and Finnick leaning on the tree as they decide on Beetee's plan

-While rewatching, I saw a comment that was like "I can see how these books are beginning to reflect now in our real time." And I was like, hmm, yeah, like obvs we're not having children killing each other in an arena anytime soon (though we seem to be okay with children dying from gun violence and police brutality *side-eye*), but the series' themes of media, propaganda, and violence are very much in play now

-I think Hunger Games should absolutely be taught in dystopian fic sections of literature classes alongside things like 1984 and Brave New World (admittedly, Hunger Games was a little too disturbing for me as a young teen, but then again Brave New World was a little disturbing to me as a young teen SO)

[tetsunabouquet]

Could we please get a NSFW alphabet for the Kiriyu twins please! I've seen so many HC for Zero but poor Ichiru always gets neglected and he's my favorite twin!

A/N: Of course you can! Unfortunately, Tumblr has a word limit. I've seen author's managing to get past that but none of them tell me their trick so I cannot do all letters for an individual, so forget about two! I've picked some for each that I think defines their differences, if you want to know other letters just hit my askbox again ;) 18+

Ichiru

D (Dirty Secret): He dreams of getting you pregnant, as he secretly desires to drink from your breasts one day. He finds the idea of drinking your sweet milk to be arousing. G (Goofy): Ichiru is extremely goofy in bed thanks to his playful personality. If one of you accidentally falls of the bed or bonks their head against the headboard, he laughs it off and cracks a sweet joke. If someone interrupts the two of you, he is guaranteed to start a goofy conversation about it after sex. "Did you see Zero's face?! I swear I thought Nii-san would faint and that I'd have to hide your cum covered body in the bathtub as I dumped his body downstairs." "Ichiru, you sound like a serial killer!" H (Hair): His hair is a darker silver then his hair and smooth. He grooms it well and keeps it at a rather minimal length. J (Jack Off): Ichiru masturbates regularly. He prefers doing it in the quiet of his bedroom in days when he can't have you, and he'll sniff your things hilst doing it, imagining it was your hand wrapped around him. N (No): Something Ichiru would never do is choke you during sex. He hates going too far with physical violence. He might be tempted eery once in a while into spanking you lightly but anything severely masochistic and he's out. He can't stand seeing you hurt like that, even if you get off of it. U (Unfair): Ichiru can be quite unfair. He adores the way you pout when he teases you by overstimulating you with multiple rounds of eating you out. He adores edging you and seeing your bottom lip quiver when he stops. He doesn't stops if you plead, but if you manage to gather the strength to sound commanding, he will do as you say because he finds the dominant tone of your voice to be thrilling. W (Wild Card): Ichiru has a tendency of ripping your panties apart. He hates being viewed as the weaker twin so he'll tear your underwear to shreds to prove his strength.

Zero

D (Dirty Secret): Zero has a secret weakspot for shower sex as the scent of blood mixed with the scents of sex and your perfumated shampoo sends his head spinning. G (Goofy): Zero is pretty serious. If you fall off the bed or bump your head, he only treats it with a kind concern. However, during the aftercare he can loosen up from time to time and potentially start tickling you. H (Hair): Whilst Zero's carpet is the same color as Ichiru, he cares less about grooming his hair. He let it grow and honestly makes no attempt to shave or have it at a certain length. J (Jack Off): Zero isn't too fond of masturbating as nothing compares to you. Having great self control, he manages with it just fine. If he masturbates, it's more about the de-stressing and relief it brings. N (No): Zero hates doing anal. He doesn't mind taking you doggy style and admiring your rear, but he hates the thought of anal sex because he is terrified of damaging your rectum with his vampire strength. A vagina is made to handle a lot, one's ass is not. U (Unfair): Zero definitely teases you way more then his brother would have. He loves hearing you whine for his cock whenever he teases you with just his tip, and unlike his brother, doesn't obeys your pleas. No, Zero has enormous self control and will ignore how hard his cock is getting at your cries. W (Wild Card: He has a habit of braiding your hair before sex, it's usually your cue that something is about to go down. Zero does this for two reasons, number one is that he loves playing with your hair, number two is that he wants to prevent your hair getting tangled from the sex.