#all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or

[fleshdyke]

[dnpbeats]

drop the dan loving goblin phil essay rn

(in reference to my tag on this post)

OKAY SO! In BIG dan says this about phil: "And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. [...] Especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that I have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference" (ty @goldenpinof for the transcript 🕺). Now obviously, this is in the context of dan being gay so for the most part he's referencing his sexuality here when he talks about being accepted, and I am not trying to undermine that at all. But I think that phil's acceptance of dan went deeper than just his sexuality (goblin Phil comes into this I promise lol).

dan also talks a bit in BIG about how he was nerdy and was bullied for that before he was bullied for being gay. He's also mentioned other times how being nerdy/geeky didn't use to be accepted. In the 4/13 stereo show, dan says: "Before YouTube, if you were a nerd, you felt like you weren't a valid member of society unless you were, like, captain of the football team or whatever. [...] Now, thanks to social media, it's like 'oh, okay, well if someone like Hank Green can exist, I'm fine.'" What's extra interesting about this example specifically is that dan is talking about representation in response to a fan prompting him to talk about queer representation in media. So like, yes the majority of dan's struggles in accepting himself were surrounding his sexuality, but I do also think there was a layer of being a nerdy kid at a time when it wasn't cool or fun that added onto him not accepting himself. And I do not think that that's completely separate from his nonacceptance of his sexuality.

So, what exactly does this have to do with dan expecting phil to be super debonair and then having those expectations shattered? But then still wanting phil, arguably even more than he did before? Well, I think that phil was (and is) unapologetically himself, and that was inspiring for dan to see. dan said in BIG that he didn't meet an out gay person until he was 18, so either that person was phil himself or he met phil shortly afterwards and phil was therefore one of the first out gay people dan knew. and we know from phil's coming out video that he wasn't ashamed of his sexuality at that time. but phil's acceptance of himself goes beyond his sexuality, like just look at his YouTube content at the time. he was doing experimental stuff that was weird as shit (I don't mean that in a bad way I like his old vids!). most people probably would not have the confidence or self-assurance to make the stuff he was making, let alone post it. and then, beyond that, he was just a nerdy guy himself! but it was something that he openly talked about online and we know he and dan bonded over video games/tv shows/etc.

And now let's think about this from dan's perspective. He's been watching this guy's videos forever. He's been talking to him online for the past couple of months, and while he was talking with phil (rather than "amazingphil"), I'm sure there was still that element of like "wow holy shit I can't believe I'm talking with amazingphil!" Hence why dan says in the mean girls video that he was expecting phil to be all "hi, I'm amazingphil! 😏" when they first met (also side note, when dan starts to make this joke phil starts doing it at the same time, so I'm sure this is a discussion they've had before lol). but Phil wasn't like that!!! he was all hunched over and awkward and dorky! because he was nervous!! BUT he wasn't ashamed of that. he wasn't trying to put on some AmazingPhil™ Smooth Operator Refined front. He was just himself. Unapologetically so. And for dan, I think that that meant so much in terms of accepting himself, but also feeling accepted. because how was he going to believe phil when he said "dan I love you for who you are" if phil was hiding himself around dan?

So yeah, I think that's why dan saw goblin phil, not amazingphil, and was still like "yeah I want to build my life with this person." Because for him, phil represented self-acceptance and being accepted and a safe place and someone who he could be on the same wavelength with and true unconditional love and someone he can geek out with and someone who will let him yap for an hour about whatever the hell dan has decided to talk about that day. of course he would like phil more than whatever version of amazingphil he had built up in his head. because phil loves dan for who he truly is and dan loves phil for who he truly is :)

[mizuseyebrows]

Modern!Mizu's "i'm not like other girls" phase (headcanon)

lol this is just me projecting my own experience with "i'm not like other girls phase" on Mizu. i'm sorry if this is not accurate with the childhood of mostly girls in japan, this is just my first try

this turned out to be longer than I thought it would, sorry for that ❤️

Modern!Mizu was bullied because of her looks.

Was kinda an outcast since she was a kid.

She was the only one that actually listened and talked to the “weird boys”.

She was a safe place for the other outcasts kids (literally me in primary school).

Since only the “weird boys” treated her normally and like a real human being, she never had the experience of girls' sleepovers, playdates with other girls, etc.

Modern!Mizu wasn’t part of the girls. I'm scratching the wound :’) haha

That hellish year arrived in which the other girls made fun of those who still played with dolls because they were already going to their first mixed parties, they had started to put on makeup (eyeshadow) and paint their nails.

Depending on if Mizu grew up with her mother or swordfather, she would have different experience with this.

If she grew up with her mother, she would not have allowed Mizu to paint her nails or wear makeup because she was still very young, she would have to wait until she was at least 15 years old to be able to put on her first nail polish or even put on a little bit of eye shadow or blush.

Her mother wouldn't have let her go to parties either because the other girls were doing teenage things that she doesn't want her little Mizu to imitate.

If she had grown up with her swordfather, I don't think he would have had any problem with Mizu painting her nails, with makeup he would have had some reservations.

Eiji would be quite protective about letting Mizu go to a party alone, knowing the history of bullying she has had. The last thing he would want is to allow other children to hurt her little girl just because she looks different from the others.

Therefore, on both sides, Modern!Mizu never had the opportunity to socialize outside of school. She was a girl from home who stayed watching movies on Nickelodeon/Disney or series on Cartoon Network.

This caused her to have almost nothing in common with the other girls. She didn't know anything about makeup, she didn't know what it was like to gossip about what happened at the previous party.

She didn't know what to talk about with her fellow girls.

The only people Modern!Mizu could have small conversations with were the “weird kids”, mostly boys, because they also spent their time at home watching things on Cartoon Network.

Because even the other girls watched teenage series and movies that were prohibited at Mizu's house because she was under 15 years old.

Turning 15 marked a before and after on her life. that age completely destroyed me

Finally, Mizu was able to start painting her nails and talking about makeup, she was already a teenager.

But the nightmare didn't end there, because she didn't know how to do her makeup and the only thing she had was a compact powder and some eyeshadows that had almost no pigment.

If you grew up with her mother, her mother wasn't a woman who particularly wore makeup. The only thing she could teach Mizu was how to apply powder.

And Eiji… Well…

It seemed logical to Modern!Mizu that she could ask the other girls about how to apply makeup, but the fear of being criticized and mocked was something that stopped her from doing so.

So if she ever said "I don't wear makeup like other girls" it was more because she had no idea how to use it. She was trying to hide her pain of not knowing something all girls are supposed to know.

She didn't even have a friend who use it so she could ask for help.

After the age of 15, existential crises came.

“Why don't I look like the others girls?” “Why don't I look as feminine as the others?” “Why doesn't my hair look like the others girls?”

“Why do I have more things in common with men?” “Why is it easier to talk to them?” “Why even though I get along better with boys, none of them like me?”

“Why have the other girls already had their first kiss and had a boyfriend, and no one even smiles at me?”

“Could it be that the boys see me as just another of the boys?” “Am I more of a boy than a girl?”

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

She did several of BuzzFeed like tests to “find out if your masculine side is more developed than your feminine side” and things like that.

Her results were always 50/50 or “you’re more of the boys than the girls”.

If by then, there was much more information about they/them people, she probably would have felt a little identified.

Not entirely because she wanted to be a girl, she just wanted to feel as feminine and pretty as her classmates and actresses she saw in magazines and movies.

For a while Modern!Mizu was convinced she was 50/50 because she never felt like she was completely a woman.

However, as she grew up and became more informed about how femininity and womanhood really work, she understood that being a woman was much more than just knowing how to do your makeup and hair well, and she was able to heal her inner child little by little.

Her "I'm not like other girls" phase was actually more "I'm not like THE girls."

She didn't go to parties like the others, who were her friends? Who wanted to invite her to a party?

She didn't wear makeup like the others, she barely had two things and had no idea how they work out.

She didn't watch the series and movies like the others, even though she was a teenager, she didn’t know what the other kids of her age were watching at that time.

She didn't dress like the others, the stores she frequented with her mother/swordfather did not have the same clothes that seemed to be trending among girls.

She did not read the same books as the others, although she could express a certain interest in adolescent dystopias (the hunger games or divergent), stories about vampires and other supernatural creatures (twilight or hush hush), she was never able to finish them, she couldn't get past the first five chapters.

She never had the same musical taste as the others, she never felt motivated to meet new artists, she only listened to the songs she liked. The only new music he listened to were those songs that were playing on the radio and caught his attention.

In fact, she had no idea what Shazam was, so she always tried to remember the lyrics of the song to look it up as soon as she got home.

But even though Modern!Mizu may still have her doubts about her femininity or still not feel as womanly as the others, she gets along much better with her identity and no longer doubts who she is.

okay, doing this triggered me and now I have anxiety :)

if you don't agree with me that's fine, it's MY headcanon. but don't be rude, this topic is really sensitive to me.

[1eos]

wait what did you mean by “kardashians brought pop culture to slaughter and bts delivered the final blow”? I SWEARRRRRR im not trying to be one of those “gotcha!” anons but i keep seeing sm ppl posting abt pop culture / counter culture being dead, and a lot of it in relation to renaissance and i’m just confused by it 😭😭 i’m not even a kpop listener i just think u put these things eloquently

i love asks like this bc my initial reaction before and after i realized this is a genuine question was night n day.

anyways the kardashians were a very very calculated rise to fame at any cost nd were maybe the first people to be on reality tv and skyrocket into mainstream fame (unfortunately) and kim's obsession w stealing everything from black people and marketing it out spearheaded the generic insta baddie aesthetic which is responsible for at least half of the desctruction of unique pop culture. if you look at the 2000s the shit was weird but it was unique. go back even further and the shit club kids were doing influenced fashion EVERYWHERE now everyone is passing around the same name brand outfits, everyone's going to the same surgeon to get their unique features changed into the same racially ambiguous lewk, you don't need talent, you don't need charisma you just need to look like you have money and therefore you deserve fans that will die to be scammed by you.

so the kardashians put pop culture on the slaughtering board right? and then here bts comes. also just copying what black ppl do 1 to 1 until they blow up internationally and start producing some of the most generic western bait pop to be palatable enough to all the white children of the world and their token black friends. but this generic music is taking over the world. the hype isn't in the content but its in the numbers. their fans begin to become obsessed with streaming numbers, video views, breaking records etc. the music is irrelevant. its all about the numbers and being on as many unskippable ads as possible. so now the industry follows behind the biggest (and worst) fandom of all time and award shows, journalists, online content curators who could be informing pop culture accurately are just saying whatever these people want to hear. giving accolades to soulless 'hits' bc they want to avoid death threats or just get a cut of the zombie streaming pie. good pop culture is DEAD. if it werent for the few big black girlies in the industry like beyonce who can do whatever we'd be in hell! no one can sing cuz theyre getting ribs removed to fit into corsets and no one is dancing bc the rented mugler bodysuit has to be returned with no damage and it's all just very very generic.

ofc there are rare interesting performers that pop up but bc they dont fit into the mold they get bullied out like poor mitski wants to be an actual artist nd they hate her for it. anyways kris jenner is going to hell for the evil she's brought into the world

[freckliedan]

Hi!!! I just wanted to talk about how Dan and Phil as a brand is so relatable to neurodivergents in the way that they've been treated recently. So DnP built their careers off of being "weird" and "quirky" and socially awkward. That was Their Thing. Dan spoke for years about being violently bullied (quotes such as "being punched in the head by dickheads" stand out as a pre-BIG example of just how violent it got at times), Phil had the Why I Was a Weird Kid series, they both were frequently talked about as being "weird" and "awkward" by other YouTubers - they WERE the "weird" ones of the vlog group. The ones that awkward teens could relate to. Unfortunately, this got the attention of the #imsoquirky crowd who talks like they're experiencing all of these things while also being the same people who would mock me for my autism.

And that's the crowd now saying Dan is too old to be posting catboy photos or saying that the two of them "give the ick now, idk why." And I just can't help but notice how much I relate to that as an autistic and ADHD person. So many times over the years, I've made "friends" who were slightly into my interests, but then got weirded out by how hard I went into them. I think what we're seeing is the same thing happening to Dan and Phil. Drawing cat whiskers on your face to answer questions? Well that's "so cute and quirky"!! (/s). But actually playing as Catboys in JRPGs, dressing up in cat ears, making animal noises (which the two of them always did but ig this group overlooked), etc? Well that's "too far" and "so weird."

I think Dan especially got hit with this because he has more subscribers. When he talks about being bullied, most people can relate to that. But then when he goes and honks a horn in a game repeatedly (which tbh I've done before myself, very ADHD coded of him) or talks about hiding behind vending machines to avoid talking to people, that is suddenly "too annoying/weird" for some of the audience that got into him for his "relatably weird" content.

Sorry this is such a long ramble, but basically Dan and Phil have accidentally become the perfect examples of how kids with autism/ADHD/social pragmatic disorder/nvld/dyspraxia *insert other neurodivergencies that can cause atypical socialization* are treated. People might find your initial "quirkiness" relatable because everyone feels awkward or socially anxious at times, but it's when they see that you are Actually Just Like That and it's not to be #relatable that they turn on you and start saying that you're "too much" and "too weird."

Dan and Phil were the "weird" ones of the British vlog scene, and those of us who tuned into the younows or watched their older videos knew this, but someone who only subbed after watching a meme review or the two of them playing undertale might have assumed that they were the "right" kind of quirky/weird.

This is probably incoherent, but I hope you get what I mean.

this isn't incoherent! just such a well thought out ask i don't have anything to add. there's really specific ways i'm comfortable talking abour dnp + neurodivergence & neurodivergence in general so it's not something i've ever done super in depth posts abt!

i've actually gotten a few really lengthy asks like this over the last few weeks, so this is to you and to my other askers: i really appreciate that folks want to share their ideas with me but sometimes i genuinely don't have enough to contribute in response to add on to what's being said! and that makes it pretty impossible to answer asks like this.

so this is to everyone: feel free to @ me in the replies on your posts! (doing that leaves things cleaner than @ ing in the body of a post, which in my experience means folks are more likely to engage, if that's what you're looking for). especially loop me in about dnp + neurodivergene or dnp + gender!

this isn't a promise i'll rb or even see things, this website's functionality is shit, but like. it's actually way easier for me to see and support than if yall are sending me essay length anons, and this way i + others can find more people who share the same opinions as us! make ur own posts & ppl will follow u i prommy

[sstardustt3]

-akira kurusu (joker) headcannons-

First of all, THEATER KID. 

You simply can not tell me that he is not an overdramatic theater kid who does the most at all times, especially when he was a kid.

But this led him to be seen as “odd” and outcasted by the people around him in the which made him extremely lonely, he wasn’t bullied but he didn’t have any friends 

Because of this he kinda closed himself off to fit more into the societal norms and not be seen as strange which is why he’s so quiet and keeps to himself all the time 

Which made him partially excited to go to shibuya because despite it being a pretty shitty situation, being on probation and arrested for something that wasn’t even his fault, he thought that maybe in the big city he’ll find some people that won’t think he’s weird and can open up to which he ended up getting with the thieves  but his hope was only temporarily diminished with his record being leaked

Holy fuck that was long but, moving on, I think he has a very poor relationship with his parents, especially after being convicted of assault.

I don’t think his parents hate him by any means but they’re definitely neglectful based on the fact joker doesn’t get a single call, text, or a letter from them

What i personally think is that his parents are the type of parents to do the bare minimum and do nothing else for him

In a sense his parents sort of gave up on him because of his “eccentric”  behavior and him getting arrested might have solififed that for that for them and even if not they’re definitely not on his side when it comes to the whole assault thing which could be why they never contact him

Okay the last two were pretty angsty but moving on,

He has like, zero experience with girls and he’s the most oblivious mf ever

And because he wasn’t really popular at his old school (for the aforementioned reasons) he got ZERO bitches, none, cero.

 This is actually another headcanon that i really don’t have an explanation for but when he moved way more girls started liking him because of people thinking he was this bad boy and he had NO idea how to deal with that

Like for a while he just thought people were just being weirdly nice to him

Like he is the type of guy who unintentionally flirty like just natural charisma with looks

Like you have to be insanely obvious for him to even take a hint

Adding onto the headcanon that you have to be insanely obvious to get him to notice that you like him, once he does realize  that you like him like one of two things is going to happen:

One, if your not that close than he has no idea what to do about that and he’s just slightly more awkward than usual

But two, if you are that close, he is BOLD. despite he is not knowing how to flirt for shit he is still charming enough that his horrible attempts at flirting and teasing somehow work

Because he has no cannon birthday other than the year he is born (2000) my personal thought is that he’s born on valentines day, there’s no elaboration for this one just a gut feeling

I feel like he has a vivid imagination of scenarios 

Like for example he can imagine an entire plot for a musical at three am and exactly how it would go

Morgana and sojiro have frequently told him to shut up and go to bed

Also he has insomnia. I just felt like I should throw that into there.

Him, sojiro, and futaba have movie nights once a weekend and ninety percent of the time it’ll be a horror, old movies, or a studio ghibli movie

Texas chainsaw massacre, kill bill, sadako vs kayako, jacobs ladder, don’t look up, my neighbor totoro, spirted away, sailor moon r, ponyo, etc

60 precent of the time futaba picks the movie

I have no explanation for this one but him in the metaverse is very much christian borle coded in a way i can’t explain i swear (please i beg of you listen to hard to be a bard from something rotten its so good)

.

[1863-project]

I am, admittedly, very, very tired.

Fandom was a safe space for me growing up in the 2000s. I turned 14 in 2003, and I was spending a lot of my spare time online at the time because it was a place that people accepted me. I liked that it wasn't too fast-paced, and I liked that I was allowed to be weird there. I got to just be me, no judgment. For an undiagnosed autistic kid, that was revolutionary. It was a subculture, to be sure - we had to keep things quiet because in real life we were mocked for liking things, and this was an era where people sometimes did get fired for writing fanfiction off the clock. But it was safer than my real life, where I was being bullied constantly to the point of permanent trauma.

Fandom isn't like that anymore, because capitalism found us.

At some point, people realized they could make serious money off of fandom, and it became an industry. Fandom changed with it, and not necessarily in good ways. There were, of course, some good things - it was easier to get good merch for a lot of things, for one - but the cultural shift from smaller, more subcultural spaces into the mainstream has ultimately changed the culture of fandom in ways that have harmed creators. Fandom went from being about creating to being about consuming. Things are now moving so quickly that fic writers and artists can't keep up with fans' demands. If you're late to a meme by a week, you're "too late." And it's not a subculture anymore, either - it's mainstream. The things we were actually made fun of for liking are now cool to like, which in some ways is nice but in other ways feels weird, because now our safe spaces are dealing with an influx of people, many of whom were actually the people who made fun of us in the first place.

This isn't to say that fandom was all rosy when I was a kid. There were a lot of issues, it could get really cliquey, and there was a lot of drama, as you'd expect from fandom spaces. But it was still more of a place where you could explore yourself and who you were instead of a place where you had to police your own behavior because people were watching and waiting to go after you for any perceived mistake. You didn't have to be pure and perfect. You didn't have to keep up with trends constantly. You were allowed to go years between fic updates, and people were just excited to get an update instead of acting entitled for one after a week of no updates.

I love talking about things I like with my friends, and I generally do so in small Discord servers these days, because it's the closest thing to what I grew up with. In those spaces, we can discuss things seriously and in funny ways, and we can safely be critical of trends in fandom spaces, like racism and ableism, that have permeated modern fandom more than ever. They were always there, but as fandom becomes more of a reflection of mainstream society than ever, prejudices become more and more obvious in these spaces. People don't like it when you point these things out, though, because they're stuck in that idea of having to be perfect, because they don't want to be called out.

The fact of it all is this: fandom is now just a reflection of mainstream culture, because that's what it's become. It isn't a subculture anymore. And it looks just like regular culture, with all the sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, ageism, etc. that you'd see there. These are all topics worth going into in depth, and they're all things to be aware of. Depicting things and characters thoughtfully goes a long way for people - even if you're fixing canon because God knows canon itself is also deeply reflective of these things. Stories are a product of the society they're written in, after all.

I decided to start looking into ableism in fandom specifically because I'm autistic and certain tropes actively harm people like me and perpetuate prejudices against autistic people, but there's so much to be gleaned from disability and fandom beyond autism. If you're disabled yourself or have disabled friends or family members or other people you care about, you've probably seen something that rubbed you the wrong way or felt uncomfortable at some point (mental illness is especially deeply stigmatized in society and is treated accordingly in both canon and fanon). There's just so much to talk about and this is only scratching the surface.

But right now, I'm tired and I'm angry that the space that has been there for me my entire life, the space that was a place I could safely be myself, has become what it has and has essentially pushed me out - of a space I was helping build in my younger years. That shit hurts. I can't go home anymore, and it really, really stings. I'm building new homes with new, safe friends, of course, but to know I can't go back to what I had just...it's really hurting me right now.

I know I just have to move forward, but I think it's important for me to acknowledge the anger and mourning I've been dealing with, too.

[blues-of-randomness]

The Pasts of the Forgotten Critters/Frowny fox (rewritten)

The forgotten critters were all part of different collections, paired with a smiling critter that was supposed to be part of the same collections.

Dogday, Catnap, Hoppy hopscotch, and Silly Shelly were part of the Pet collection

Jerry Giraffe, Clever Claws and Bubba Bubbaphant were part of Safari collection (In my au Bubba is an Indian Elephant but I could see Playtime co trying to sell my off as an African elephant thinking people wouldn't tell the difference)

Kickinchicken, Picky Piggy, and Molly Mc Moo were part of the farm collection

Craftycorn and Jolly jaws were paired up in a fantasy collection as Jolly wasn't any ordinary shark, he was supposed to be a Megaladon.

and finally Bobby and Frowny were made as a set for a Wild things collection (hence why their pendants are almost identical)

Their purposes and stories within the cartoons:

Jerry was going to be a love interest for Craftycorn. The two of them were paired up with the image of two shy souls who barely fit into the world coming together and changing each other for the better. Jerry was an expert at measuring, he could even guess how tall something was without needing a ruler. This, Without saying, was very useful for Crafty's art projects

Clever claws was smart but he was also dazzling, attractive, and oh so cool, everything that Bubba lacked. While Bubba was shown to get picked on and teased for not fitting in, Clever claws was able to mask himself and fit in with the crowd. He even tried to teach Bubba how to mask and fit in with the crowd but whenever Bubba tried it was met with failure, he did everything Clever claws did but it wasn't enough. Clever claws knew this and it wasn't fair, he became Bubba's best friend and taught him there was nothing to be ashamed of even if no one liked him.

Jolly jaws and Kickinchicken were paired as a playful duo, Jolly jaws was just as adventurous as Kickinchicken but he was more in favor of being save while doing (hence why a lifesafer is his pendant) While Kickin was more or less about being reckless and having fun. He teased Jolly jaws about being safe, calling him a coward, etc. One day the two of them had a surfing contest but during the surfing Kickin was knocked off his surfboard, Jolly jaws was happy until he realized that Kickin never resurfaced. He quickly dove under the surface and rescused Kickin from a watery grave. That's when Kickin really learned about the importance safety.

Molly Mc Moo's purpose in was to teach about how there needs to be a balance within someones life when i came to something they enjoy. In this case it was teaching Picky Piggy there was nothing to be ashamed of when it came to her love of Pb&J sandwhiches even if it wasn't healthy because Picky had control over herself and cared about her healthy. As long as she kept that up there was nothing wrong with a little treat now and then

Shelly and Hoppy were paired together as competitive opposites situation. Their story was supposed to be a parody of the tortoise and the hare. The two would race but Hoppy would hurt herself going so fast and Shelly would help her out teaching her that sometimes slower is better.

And finally Frowny was a fox who was hurt and bullied all his life. Then he met Bobby and she showed him what love is and how to be happy despite all the pain he's been through

Reasons for rejection:

The kids weren't impressed with Clever claws, some of the older girls thought he was a typical "self centered prince charming" and the kids thought that Jerry looked weird and made fun of him.

Similar reasons for Frowny fox, the kids hated how he smelled and saw no point in having a "Sad toy".

The kids were scared of Jolly jaws because he was a shark they tried removing his teeth but he looked too silly without them.

There was nothing wrong with Milly MC moo its just that Kickin and Picky were more popular so Molly was thrown away

Silly Shell was playing on the swings with Hoppy when he fell off, he retreated into his shell but it cracked and shattered upon impact with the ground. Shelly was deemed too hazardous for the children.

Without Molly and Shelly they could still have pet and Farm sets but they saw no point in realising Bobby, Bubba and Crafty on their own so they were all combined into the smiling critters we know today.

As time past the critters had moved on from their lost companions and forgot about them, not because they didn't care about them, it was more of a "I thought you were dead" type of forgetting

[ravenbloodshot]

Someone who gives me the same asshole vibe as Cha Eun Woo and Song Kang is Eunwoo's friend Kim Young Kwang (the actor) I really liked his drama and he is quite handsome but he looks like a sadist and super manipulative to me I'm not gonna lie? No matter how much I try I can't seem to get into him? He was also caught before whilst he was a model (when he was much much younger) talking about what he finds distasteful in women and he said really weird/sexist shit but it was childish af too, like he really didn't think before speaking but I like to give benefit of the doubt to the "youth" LMFAO (not really) but you know he's also Korean so I wasn't shocked, I said oh another one bites the dust 👏🏾☺️😋 Anyway there's something sweet about him (I'm probably reaching and trying to give him a compliment) but he really totally makes the hairs on back stand idk he gives me torturous type vibes? Maybe it's past life between me and him vibes LMFAO but I see evil, I know I'm not tripping, like the dark triad evil? Am I wrong? What energy do you feel from him, please let me know!! Like he looks like if he wasn't told right he'd hold people captivate or be that weird kid that's cruel to bugs? I wouldn't be surprised if he was a bully or humiliated people, especially women. Like you know the energy of a closeted man that hates on women? He looks like the type to say mean things in a joking manner and not even consider people "beneath" him? I feel he can be sweet but it is selective, like he may want something? Idk he feels fucking cold, like his eyes and his smile, no emotion etc I wouldn't be surprised if he has a disorder or something that makes him unemotional etc He's a major homebody too and he always acts uncomfortable in social situations etc, he probably is but maybe he really does has some disorder or something because he expresses that he wants to go home etc. Like I could see him being condescending like Song Kang and Cha Eun Woo too?

CEW always gives me the energy of misguided energy? Like if he were to be surrounded by good people who humbled him he could be okay? I always see some sentiment in him? He looks like people don't check him and out of all 3 he looks to me the most reflective, like if something happened it could give him a spiritual awakening etc and change his life. Like the type of guy that heals if he was loved right. CEW gives me I am a "twin" vibes, like he has a counterpart in this lifetime who's gonna have a profound effect on his life? He always looked like a redeemable soul to me? I don't know but the more he gets deeper into the industry and this cold, cruel, money driven environment he just gonna end up being unredeemable as well, in the deep end? Like he'll end up the worst out of the bunch? I hope he don't start doing drugs but he looks smart to me lol, I'll give him that much. The more I see actors/celebs the more coldness I see lol, some of them have really scary eyes.

It's hilarious to me that people found Song Kang cute, the mf gave me I'm bland and incompetent but have the audacity to be disgusted by you vibes. He generally looks like the type to sanitise his hands if he accidentally brushed past somebody he don't respect, he looks hella coddled too and a mamas boy. He literally admitted himself that he wore the same socks for months straight. He's probably the type that doesn't do the dishes or wash his clothes etc, like he young forever? I was shocked he was feeling Han So Hee LOL but she grown woman vibes and I think it's opposites attract. Her rough girl image, idgaf demeanour probably intrigued him. A part of him also looked like he was pretending, so people could talk about them, like he used her for a come up? He shot a show with that young pretty actress and the interviews (my demon) were a pain to watch. I could tell he found her stupid and you were RIGHT, he cannot hide his dissatisfaction well!! Like it was second hand embarrassment. He was also on another show with BP Jennie and he literally iced her lmfao, he didn't even look at her, he also pushed past another woman and was heavily disgusted by another older woman complimenting him, like how dare you compliment me when you not on my level? Like the type that wants people to ask for permission before they greet him? He called another woman by another name and said "that woman" and she was like "I am that woman, it's my name", as in he didn't even bother learning their names and she said to him don't you think it's too soon to speak casually (banmal/drop honorifics) and refer to me as "that" and that you should learn people's names etc. It baffles me how people give a pass to "handsome/pretty" people in the world and especially Korea? But more so handsome men because of sexism right? Like he was not careful of his behaviour at all but people thought he was "clueless" and cute. It's obvious when he thinks people aren't on his level etc and I think he's at a point where he generally believes he's made it, so he dgaf like yasss I don't need to kiss ass anymore, when he was simply just expected to be polite LOL 😂 I think it's a chore for him to treat people well, like he might think about the beneficial reason why he should give charity and help people? Like they broke, they can get up, I'm not, I work hard. Like simple minded? He's cut the nice act now and he said so himself, that he hates being perceived as cute and a little adorable boy but he masked himself as such and then complains? Probably because he finds his fans disgusting. I'm ngl he feels like that. I don't know lol! Don't mind me, I be popping out here and there and giving the lip and the tea LMFAO 🤣 I'll stop here! 💀

— Lip Service Girl 💄

Me and you must just be on the same wavelength. I think it's too much to say Kim Young Kwang has a disorder, but everything else, I agree.

Cha Eunwoo has the best energy out of the three. But he has his own bs that comes with him. He's not a bad guy, though, the other two .....🤷‍♀️

What sticks in my mind the most is Kim Young Kwangs' weird comments about women as well. Like it's okay to have preferences, but like damn....

[rollercoasterwords]

Would you mind talking more about your concept of Lily as a character. Shes very barebones in canon and much less vivid than any of the marauders.

Feel free not to answer if this is rude or weird or something.

sure, i'd be happy to talk more about lily! i think ur right that she's not necessarily well-developed in canon; mostly we just hear about how she loved harry sooooo much + was such a perfect loving mother that she died for him, etc. which i think is boring lol

but we do know some other facts about her + can infer different interpretations from canon, so some of the things that i view as central to her character are:

- intelligence + competency. we know she was in the slug club + was skilled in potions, and slughorn says she was one of his best students. so i usually characterize her as very magically competent + proficient + also very good with potions. i also tend to characterize her as just generally a practical, levelheaded person.

- outspoken + brave. we know she stood up to james for his bullying when no one else would, and that she didn't care what he thought about her despite being one of the most popular boys in her school. we also know she spent her youth fighting death eaters + joined the Order ostensibly of her own accord, all of which in my mind points to her being someone who takes no shit and makes a good leader, so i usually characterize her as bold + outgoing in my writing.

- forgives + sees the best in people. to me this aspect of her character is evidenced by her relationships with petunia, james, and snape. we know that she tried to maintain a relationship with her sister even after petunia was nasty to her, which i think shows that she doesn't hold deep grudges and is empathetic enough to understand that people who lash out are often just hurting. she fell in love with james even though he was a prick while they were kids, which also speaks to her not holding grudges and being willing to forgive if someone shows they're willing to change. and i think similarly her relationship with snape shows her desire to see the best in people; even when he began to hang out with blood supremacists, she still tried to remain friends with him and urged him to behave differently, because she saw the best in him and believed he could be a better person. it wasn't until he'd fucked up multiple times and essentially showed that he wasn't going to change that she stopped forgiving him. i view this characteristic as both a strength + weakness of lily's, depending on the circumstances.

these are all my own interpretations of canon, of course, but those are some of the characteristics that i tend to imagine as central to her character, regardless of what universe i'm writing her in!

[rabbittwinrithings]

How happy are you with your current follower mods you've created? Whether that is stage of development, general features, appearance, things like that.

While I'm at it, what do you think of the followers you authored as characters, personaility wise?

Oh shit, man, this is loaded. But I don't mind it. This may be some strays thoughts.

So first off, I love my characters. In fact, I've never gotten attached to character's I've written so much like my custom voice followers. And it amazes me how much I will feel for them. There was a moment in time where I was having a hard time writing a scene where one was super angry, and for that week I, in real life, was so angry for them. I actually had to step away for a bit to calm myself down and make sure I wasn't actually causing any harm with that anger.

I have moments where I will think of Khash and, idk, it's so weird, start crying and think of how proud I am of her and that's she's made so many friends and so many care for her, as if I am a real mother thinking about her daughter.

I feel this way towards the other's too. I'll look at Varrick and think 'You're doing so good. And you're trying your best, I'm so proud of you.' Or Caryalind and say 'I promise things will get better. You've found your tribe, they'll protect you.' It's so odd and I never thought of that aspect before writing them.

-

Next, personality-wise, every follower I make has a piece of me. There are two writing advice I take to heart a lot, and that's 'write what you know,' and 'write what you want to know,' though I take them both two different ways. With 'write what you know' I look at how I want that character act, what they're like, etc. Caryalind wears his heart on his sleeve, Varrick wants to protect others, Fir has problems socializing, Disnel has ties to her culture (which is native American coded,) and Khash, well, Khash is a lot of different stuff about me mashed into one. I try and have my character's have parts of me in them.

This also goes with 'write what you want to know,' when it comes to their conflicts or problems, those are parts of me too, but mostly taken to insane extremes. (I can't say Khash's yet cause it would be spoilers for her questline.) Fir has social anxiety and depression of being a shut-in, Caryalind has done stuff in his past he percives as unforgivable and yet it was done in ignorance, Varrick is dealing with religious trauma, and Disnel deals with anger towards the disrespect of her culture and wanting to become closer to it.

Because of writing stuff that I too was having issues with, I was able to find personal solutions to issues or shed some light on them, even if they aren't completely, or even partly, fixed.

I also want to add that there followers have parts of me I wish I had. Khash and Disnel both are very un-bashful about who they are, and that's something I wish I had. Disnel says weird stuff, and her laugh is off, but she doesn't care. She doesn't stop and think 'oh, was that weird, do the people around me think that was weird?' I wish I was like that now. Or Khash is who I wish I was as a child/teen. As someone who was bullied horrifically throughout elementary, middle, and high school, I wished I didn't care what other's thought and was just myself.

(But to be fair, Khash also has an attitude of 'why should I care what others think when I have my family,' Which was something I felt strongly as a kid despite now having self-cofidence issues.)

I do want to point out though, my follower's all having daddy issues got nothing to do with my personal life. My dad is fuckin' awesome!

(Funny enough, a line from Khash where she quotes Marlok about how a certain type of bird "are jerks," is taken by quote from my dad. We were sitting on his front porch bird watching, and I was taking notes for Khash and what she would like about nature, and he said that so I wrote it as quick as I could.)

-

I don't have much to say about appearance. I love how all the followers look, but even then I'm not picky. Like I adore seeing replaces and seeing how people interpret them. I may not agree with them 100% of the time, but I don't care. I love seeing my character's get reimagined like that!

out of all the followers, these two for Varrick and Caryalind are my favorites!

Obviously, though, I add little quirks I like to all of them.

I adore Khash's little stuck-up nose.

I love Caryalind's curly hair.

I love Varrick's fashion sense.

I love Fir's striking eyes.

I love how flat Disnel's side profile is.

Okay, maybe there is more I could say about their appearances, but I'm sure it would just be more 'I love (insert some detail about them.)' cause I just love how they all look!

-

Stage of development is a tricky one cause I have mixed feelings about it. School has really kept me away from my followers, and it hurts, but with summer break I've found I have the time to finally work on them.

I recently been working on a road map of the followers to hopefully see what all I need (at least for the initial release for some,) and want.

Caryalind should have an update soon.

I'm hoping to get the first half of Varrick's romance up during the summer.

I want to get most of Fir written and implemented over the summer.

I hope to get Disnel out by the end of the summer. (Not completed, but still a good chunk of stuff there.)

And Khash, is another matter I will discuss at the end...

Sometimes I feel bad for not making more or quicker updates. Some mod authors are absolute gods at it, and I wish I could update as quickly, but I also try not to get myself upset about it. This is meant to be fun for everyone, including me. Part of me says it's selfish, and another part then hits and says 'no, that's not.' (If you couldn't tell, anxiety is something I struggle with pretty badly.)

Okay, now the thing about Khash, cause I really didn't want to disrupte any flow with above is her questline has created such a huge headache, at first. I made Khash when I first learning the ck and the same for more complicated questing. Because of this, her questline is a huge, buggy mess. because of that, and seeing the state Khash's esp is in, I decided to try and make her from the ground up again, along with additions and changes. Cause like, now, a questline like her's is a cake walk from what I've done in Ganval and Disnel's stuff. I just didn't know how to do it at the time of making Khash. But this also means Khash's development and update will take much longer than I hoped. While the lines are going pretty steadily (I think I started rebuilding two weeks ago and half of the of lines are implemented,) It's voicing that will probably take the longest. This is because I haven't done Khash's voice in perhaps a year and my throat isn't used to it anymore. because of that, voicing lines will take the longest time to do. But, for a sneak peak, some other additions are:

New introduction quest

More inventory room (Khash will have a backpack the player can toggle on and off.)

And I really hope to give her some kind of pet.

There are other obvious ones like how I want to add her adoption. I would also like to add more questions for the player to answer about themselves. Khash didn't know much about Marlok's past, and if she is looking to the player as a new guardian, she wants to try and learn more about you. But these are still up in the air, aka, not written, so I don't want to promise anything until it is for sure written.

Hopefully this whole reboot will fix alot of her bugs, story issues, and other stuff in the og mod.

With all that said though, I hope to have an update or a good chunk of each follower done by the end of the summer. I'm not sure where that will put Ganval in development. I started Ganval just for fun set design, and then thought it could be a good quest portfolio piece. But with how much questing my current followers are getting, I think just themselves are good portfolio pieces.

Sorry for just this huge wall of text. I may have gotten a bit carried away. But I hope this all answers the question really well. I know writing all this did help me get some thoughts I had out of my brain and out there.

Love y'all!

[prowerprojects]

That post actually reminds me about one scene in Zootopia. Basically there was a childhood local bully that the main character got into a confrontation with that did leave a impact on her she didn't completely noticed until she meets the OTHER main character, who was the same species as the bully.

Come years later as an adult, she meets up with said bully again who clearly changed for the better, *is now business partners with her parents and apologized to her, saying he had personal issues to work out. (*This being really big as the parents weren't the biggest fan of the species either until their daughter's optimistic personality made them reconsider.)

__________

For Tails, it depends on how bad the bullies were and deep-rooted this affected him. If it was just the kids/only foxes or something that they got from their parents, were there some trying to befriend him but peer pressure held them? Was it just one village or the entire island? {One has to wonder if there were pre-Sonic travelers that were as nice or just as bad} Would Tails be willing to forgive; or rather start over? Or is the bitterness and anger still there, wanting to "fight back" when it couldn't before? Would he ever set foot on that island ever again?

Oooh I haven't seen Zootopia, but I know who the main characters are, so I think I understand the idea. I wonder how often people actually apologize for bullying. Like that post said, most people probably don't even remember that they were doing anything especially bad.

(Personally I would never want to face my childhood bullies again even if they became the best people in the world. Everyone who manages to make up with theirs is a stronger person than I am)

Anyway, back to Tails. This is really interesting, I think. If you were asking about my specific story, I could give you answers, but in canon, we don't know much. I've seen a lot of people hc that he was shunned from his village and had to survive in the jungle and if other people see him around, they'd beat him up, etc. Meanwhile I have him living with his aunt and cousins, at least, even if they treat him horribly (I already made Cinderella jokes about him before)

In Fleetway, it doesn't seem like there's anything other than verbal abuse. In aosth he gets weird comments, but by that time he's with Sonic already and gets kidnapped by robots on the daily so I'm not sure how to fit that here. In Sonic X, iirc, he gets held back while his invention gets smashed, (and I hate it here). In the scu he's being awfully vague about this whole situation (he does react strongly to people crowding him and calling him a freak).

I thought in the games it was more on the verbal side, too, calling him "Tails", and probably some worse things too. But then we got the Origins cutscene which has the bullies physically assault him by tugging at his tails. So there's that.

He doesn't bring up or reference his past in the actual games, which I actually think is good and in character. Tails doesn't like to talk about his issues, like. Sonic has no idea about his character arc in Adventure or what he was doing or feeling there. He clearly has issues in Colors and Lost World but he expresses them in a horrible roundabout way. Tails had to have a breakdown in Frontiers to actually open up to Sonic (he didn't tell Sonic what happened in Forces either before that). Tails might be more sensitive and emotional person that Sonic and a lot of other characters in the cast, really. But he doesn't like to be perceived as weak. He wants people to rely on him. So it stands to reason he wouldn't be openly sharing his past. I want to note that being bullied isn't an indication of weakness, but I also wouldn't be surprised if Tails doesn't want his friends to pity him. Sonic probably doesn't even know what was actually going on with Tails back there.

So yeah, those are all good questions that you're asking, which we most likely would not get the answers for... well, ever.

Personally I could see Tails being able to start over. (But only with the people who genuinely want to try with him too). He does have a tendency to stew in negative emotions but I don't imagine it's something he enjoys. The bitterness and the anger are probably still there, but I could see him making an effort to put them behind him to get closure. (It's often fun and cathartic to see your fave owning the people who wronged them, and I won't begrudge anyone for it, I just think this is what would make Tails happier)

[deusvervewrites]

The ask game is upon us, and I have an idea!

Midoriya was always known as that one strange kid in Aldera. Officially, he was diagnosed quirkless, but his strength could only be explained as a quirk, a passive one at that. Weirder still was that as he grew up, his bullies never focused on him for long, and yet he still stuck around them as a troublemaker of sorts. When asked why, he would just say, "Dunno, ask my dad", which was odd considering his father never was around at all. Most chalked it up to some form of teenage rebellion, part of some desperate wish to be seen.

Unknown to most people, outside of school, Izuku Midoriya was one hell of a fighter, though it is unfair to say he got involved in vigilantism. After all, that would entail fighting villains without a hero license, and Izuku never was in any villain fights as a participant. Not conventional villain fights anyway. It was more of a hunt, with him as the prey. There were things out there that wanted him dead for one simple reason: his blood.

After all, his bloodline was quite special, and if left to be nurtured and grown... he would be strong enough that even Devils May Cry.

In summary, Izuku Midoriya as a son of the Demon Knight Sparda from the DMC franchise, whilst also fusing it into the setting of MHA.

Demonic incursions are a natural part of this world. These threats are classified officially as Extradimensional, which is true, but leaves out that the dimension in question is Hell/The Demon World/The Netherworld or whatever you want to call it. Heroes are aware of the truth, and generally involve themselves in these incursions, though dedicated demon hunters like Devil May Cry exist as well.

The timeline doesn't quite fit for Izuku to be a son of Sparda if I want to keep Inko, and have Dante, Vergil, Nero, etc. As such, Izuku is descended from Sparda but not his direct son.

Dante learns about Midoriya when coincidentally hunting a demon after Midoriya's blood and quickly becomes like a weird uncle who swings by occasionally to teach him how to use his power to absolutely wreck shit up, how to wield different weapons, etc.

Midoriya's preferred fighting style combines wielding a zweihander Devil Arm sword in his right hand and a custom revolver in his left. The zweihander is a Devil Arm he recovered from his first incursion. (Dante was supervising)

Shiozaki and Midoriya met when they both showed up to the same demon incursion. After clearing up her initial assumption that he was part of the incursion, the two of them teamed up and remain friends and allies.

[slaughtergutz]

ヽ(ຈل͜ຈ)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻ have my other Sk8 the Infinity oc

Haruko Kamiya

"S" Name: Onibaba Relatives: Kenta Kurosawa (half-brother) Affiliation: Shimano Mortuary (mortician)

Birthday: July 15 Age: 21 Education: Highschool, apprenticeship Talent: spirit communication, painting, sculpting

Gender: Female Eye Color: Pink-Purple, depending on the light Hair Color: White (natural), black/red/etc (wigs) Height: 152 Weight: 113kg Blood Type: AB

Personality: Most people see Haruko as a very quiet, unassuming, shy girl. She tends to only speak when spoken to, and tries not to stand out more than she already does. She learned to repress a lot of her personality traits because of criticism from others, who often found her "too" boisterous, "too" weird, "too" creepy, "too"...much. So she became less. But her true self still manages to come out sometimes. Especially at home, Haruko is more likely to sass her brother and be louder. S is where the real Haruko comes out: wild, crazy, and a little unorthodox. She is so different from her usual self, most don't seem to recognize her, including her brother. (In all fairness, Kenta is an idiot and couldn't tell Shadow from Hiromi, either.) Though she wears rollerblades as opposed to skates, Haruko utilizes a lot of roller derby moves and is known for body checking other skaters into the wall. She loves to roughhouse!

Appearance: When not dressed for work, Haruko tends to wear lowkey gothic or gothlic lolita clothing. She tends to buy from online independent designers mostly because it's hard to find that style in her size. She also is usually found wearing a black wig in public, to hide her natural hair. At S she switches up the color. Her natural hair has two lil cowlicks on the side that look like devil horns. Though her eyes are usually obscured by her glasses or bangs, she has nystagmus, which makes her eyes shake. She can't see shit without her glasses, so the goggles she wears at S are made for her prescription. They also have a camera feature. While Haruko usually wears monochrome black/white/grey, she is very colorful as Onibaba.

Background: Haruko grew up in orphanages with her older brother after their mother died shortly after her birth and father left. She was sick frequently as a child, making Kenta, her only family, overly protective of her. She wasn't allowed out much due to her albinism causing her to be particularly sensitive to the sun; in addition to that, she also had frequent asthma attacks and heart problems, which led her brother to prevent her from participating in many physical activities. She was bullied frequently due to her hair and skin--often called Baba Yaga--both by other kids and her brother. Because of her avoidance of the sun, and the ostracizing from others, Haruko would often spend time outside at night, especially cemeteries. Spirits became her friends, although she learned quickly to keep them to herself.

Between her appearance and "strange" behavior, Haruko had a reputation, and some were even afraid of her. So, she kept more to herself. While Kenta was busy with work, she would secretly go out and try new, physical activities, and it seemed that she generally grew out of most of her health issues. But Kenta has trust issues and wouldn't hear anything about it, so she would continue her activities in secret.

When she became of age, she began working in a local funeral home, which didn't help her reputation. But helping families see their loved ones one last time before cremation made it worth it for her. She became very good at makeup and reconstructive work and is often requested for victims of accidents or have advanced decomposition.

Haruko never went to S before, but knew of it from her eavesdropping skills (not that Kenta or his boyfriend could ever talk quietly anyway.) She started going with the hopes to see Shadow and be able to let loose. She was a little baffled that he didn't recognize her, but ran with it and loves messing with him. His nickname for her is Demon Skank (affectionate?).

Trivia:

She walks very quietly and accidentally sneaks up on people frequently.

Haruko took on a big sister role for a lot of the kids in the orphanage, and she does the same here. She is very protective of Miya, Reki, and Langa.

She is very clownish at S, letting insults and jeers roll off her back and taunts the audience by smashing their expectations when they underestimate her. If Shadow is the anti-hero, Onibaba is a straight up heel.

Haruko would sculpt something out of chocolate for Valentine's Day.

Haruko would like a surprise proposal. She would not like a grand reception. She would like 'see ya' kisses every day. She would want to go to New Orleans for a honey moon. Her spouse would have to accept her wild and creepy sides.

Haruko would be great with kids but is afraid to have her own.

Haruko would love a picnic in a cemetery for a date. She often carries a parasol or umbrella for the sun, so she would be prepared if it started raining.

If someone took her picture on the street she would make a scary face quickly and pretend not to see it a second later.

Haruko would have believed in Santa for a few years as a kid until her brother broke the news to her. She would have asked for plushies or art supplies.

Haruko wears certain lolita brands. She doesn't tend to know much about other brands but sticks with one because she knows she likes them and it can be a risk to try new things when it comes to shopping online.

Onibaba's makeup and demeanor is inspired by professional wrestler, Asuka.

And yknow what maybe she uses the Green Mist as a secret attack during S too why not

[gutsfics]

pls tell me all about devi before the events of ilitw!! what kind of activities did he do? who were some of his friends? did he still talk to any of the people from his childhood friend group? if so, who? etc. etc. anything else you want to share!!

ok this is gonna kinda jump around a bit bc thats how my thoughts are rn :3 i love this ask though thank u for letting me talk about my special guy

so after Jane's death, he did try his best to hang onto the friend group for a while (especially Noah) but due to not having a very good therapist, his kid logic made him think "thinking about Jane makes me sad, and not thinking about her i can be happy, but i'd rather think about her and be sad forever than evetually move on and forget" so he kinda shut himself off from everyone so he could hold his memory of her forever

his parents tried their best to help him but the therapists they took him too didnt believe him when he told them about Mr Red (or when they did believe him, they only believed him if they were reading lines that weren't there and assuming that Mr Red was a real living guy in the woods and jumping to conclusions about it) so maybe like a month or two after Jane died he just... stopped talking, bc what was the point of speaking if no one was going to listen? and then he stopped talking to anyone ever until half way through his freshman year of highschool when he told Cody to "gargle my cock and balls"

because of Devi being mute for all that time, he didn't really have any friends (which he was fine with for reasons stated earlier) & a lot of people found him kinda weird and offputting for the most part, especially when he got really into expressing himself through art, specifically photography. a lot of "ew that weird quiet kid is taking pictures of things again what a creep" but for the most part he just shrugged it off

Cody used to think he was kinda cool bc he was quiet and goth and in 6th grade asked him to the fall formal but Devi turned him down and that's when he started bullying him. he tried to turn it into a "HAH WELL OBVIOUSLY NO ONE WOULD WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU YOU CREEP WEIRDO YOURE STUPID TO THINKING I WANTED TO GO WITH YOU" which somehow worked on everyone around them despite the fact Devi turned him down

after he started talking again, he joined the yearbook club & got really good at the composition of pictures of people & formatting them on the pages, but bc he was still a bit of a loner at this point no one else in the club realized just how much he did? especially after the older kids in the club graduated, bc they were the ones encouraging him and teaching him how to do the formatting and stuff. ive actually been rotating a fic in my head where post ilitw Lucas goes to the yearbook club to see how theyre doing bc its almost time to get em printed and its like. not even half done and also theres a memorial page for Cody but not for Devi????

in Sophmore year he took a Japanese class for an easy foreign language credit, which Tom was also in for the same reasons and they became friends :3 not as close as Tom and Andy at this point, but they'd hang out at lunch when Andy was busy and sometimes go to eachother's houses after school. but after that year the teacher for the class made sure to put them in different periods bc they would kinda. make fun of him a little bit in japanese bc he was a white guy who thought he was way better at the language than he actually was and that made him big mad

of the original group, he was probably closest with Lily when he started talking again. and then not as close w Ava and Andy but he talked w them fairly often. Lucas, Stacy, and Dan he really only saw when he was doing yearbook stuff, w that conversation he had w Dan junior year being the longest conversation he'd had w any of those three in a while (all three 100% knew he was the backbone of yearbook btw. & when people were being like "ew that weirdo goth kid w the camera is here again" they were the ones to be like "ITS FOR YEARBOOK, ASSHOLES.")

he and Noah avoided each other as much as possible. sitting next to Noah during that assembly the first day of senior year was the first time in years that one of them didn't immedeatly turn around and walk out of the room upon seeing the other in it (they lowkey had each other's scheduals memorized to better avoid each other) (for the most part Any picture of Noah that might show up in the yearbooks were not taken by Devi) (although. ngl. Devi did take a few candid photos of Noah occasionally. which he promptly would delete bc he felt bad about it. a little bc he and Noah hadnt talked in forever but mostly bc he felt like "creep weirdo with a camera" was an accurate description of him when he did that)

[frankiistein]

ok so some more thoughts related 2 last time

breadavota consistently does this writing choice of glossing over extreme events and "watering down" emotional aspects, examples from the top of my head:

- the whole thing with jacques where he superficially acts like a self-absorbed unappreciative bitch living his spoiled princess life, a perception reinforced by how were told life outside the court sucks but were rarely shown glimpses of in what ways

pushing the point that jacques parents loved him and didnt abuse him, even the bonus animatic of his childhood ("quiet") shows other village kids like him instead of the stereotypical bullying, he had friends in college, people on the jesennian court tried to be nice to him etc., jacques already few itneractions with people who arent media are intent on portraying him as this whiny little baby that i think its easy to skip over the implication that jacques is generally powerless in their society

- the nature of the experiments done on bon and the personal relationship they had with jacques and media as parent figures and how that affects their style to parent bien

- biens own experiences growing up in exile and how that lead to his weird incestuous obsession with bon

- ava traumadumping how media usurped her and entirely skipping the ending of her story where she describes the recursive panopticon

- the spinal cord surgery event which we dont see at all, we just know it happened-and interestingly enough the sarbien scenes right after all hide bien showing only sars pov

- receptions "birth" and the implications of their dependence/loyalty on media

- literally all of bread's pre-trial existence

hiding backstory stuffs not a unique choice at all ofc but when paired with how alot of the story is sliceoflifey or at times written with this... detachment? like metaphorically the camera is far away from the scene, 4 me i think it gives off an interesting atmosphere. its like a portrayal of mentally ill or traumatized ppl where instead of the "nicer" portrayal of delving into their internal feelings and contextualizing their maladaptive behaviors with clear presentations of the trauma that made them that way, alot of the characters are just unpleasant.

al niente, the sarbien scenes and it always rains also add a layer of complexity to the decision to gloss over certain "major" events: the dominant one is portrayed as sympathetic or at least their emotions are delved on, and theyre always written in a monologue style where they are talking to the person theyre dominant over and that person doesnt say a single word in the text.

we get an entire monologue of bon grieving bien but also subtly insulting him, as if bons loss of bien is more tragic for than it is for bien himself even

sar treats bien "kindly" but has this condescending ableist subtext to all their interactions

and it always rains is probably the one i like the best. in a story where people get cut in half onscreen and where supernatural magical alien monsters exist one of the most uncanny chapters is as "mundane" as media drowning jacques in a bathtub. and the writing style of that chapter, the surreal dreamlike way of writing where its not fully clear whats happening (if media didnt explicitly say they were in the bathroom it might be hard to tell that what hes even doing to jacques), his unawareness that hes killing someone because hes in this trancelike states of being preoccupied with a vague feeling of "love", the way jacques, like bien, never says a word or has their pov explicitly shown

like, the story doesnt completely remove those characters hinting at what went "wrong" or how they try to cope with it. but the story frames them in such passing ways that its easy to gloss over if ur not obsessing over every line like i am lol, and again the story is able to do this so effectively by using character monologues or a snarky narrator that words those attempts at seizing control of their own lives in a funny but dismissive way

i think like a duck does this best by framing jacques as a funny quirky schizo and the narration being biased to medias pov

jacques desire for real food is about his eccentric beliefs in the Psychic Differences Between Real And Object Porridge, wanting to be the best-dressed person in the grocery store is silly childish conceit and also media thinks its attention whoreish but in a #niceguy way, being concerned about having chips in his brain is stupid and irrational never mind the fact he lives with a guy who does in fact put chips inside of people (its like their whole thing lol!!!), eating the free samples when media isnt looking is idiotic of him

i think all the other me/ja interactions are like this too but they all have this strong tone of jacques being a mentally not-all-there child and media being like a pseudo-parental figure with a bias of making jacques look stupid, irrational and immature

this especially:

the story "slips" by admitting jacques acts thid way because his minor harmless quirks r rly the only control he has in his life, and then immediately stupidifies him again by sarcastically saying hell act like a rational adult by pretending to be dead

its not just jacques but a good number of the characters: the story hints to some traumac it builds up the idea that were gonna tell u what it is then... it immediately backtracks into how stupid and irrational they are for acting that way

this separate observations r disjointed asf ikik but taken all together they give 2 me this unique atmosphere of the harms and abuses the characters facing as "realer" and somehow more justified, where the victims of not just other characters but the world they live in itself r framed by the narrative as pathetic childish idiots for no "real" reason, where acknowledgment of their sensitivies is done in passing and portrayed jokingly, its a story that simulates the experience of being an outsider whose struggles are treated as "invalid"

and the multimedia and metafictional format of the story is great for this: the way important emotional points are relegared as bread crumbs that are shoved into a wholeass diffetent website, the story as embodied by the narrator doing all that shit above (even the whole thing w/ the footnote of "this is totally part of the story and not a recap where we infodump 2 bread bcuz i cant be assed to show her learning things naturally"), and a good amount of text being done as quick flashing in the videos or written in rpp's signature disorganized schizospeech where half the words arent even real

its a story about the alienation of being a mentally ill/trauma victim but an unsympathetic "problematic" one, and the framing of the story embodies that: its not a heros journey where the story invites you as a reader to "immerse" in the story and see urself in the characters shoes and learn to empathize with them, its one where "settings" are characters and on a meta level the story as the setting itself is also like a "character" who frames the people in it as these irrational things. even the marginals themselves who are universes with inhabitants-the characters are the worlds and the people inside of them are invisible and unable to grow w/o parasitizing on someone else

breads the protagonist whose own comic is mostly about whats happening to everyone else, biens the antagonist who has no reason to be, the herald of the apocalypse is stuck ina house in the middle of nowhere, anthony gets traumatized and we barely even see that because he immediately gets turned into a character that acts more like a robotic husk than a human being, the literal god of the story is somewhere (but who tf knows) and Most Beloved Local Princess Best Dressed In The Grocery Store Most Important Woobie Character is functionally a pet of the one who adores him the most.

even media, arguably the most developed character (and fittingly at that considering the concept of marginals being viruses and "narratives" that steal the spotlight from the story of the living universe) is sometimes subject to this treatment, where we "know" being a marginal is unpleasant but we see him mostly just... lusting over jacques, the desire to make his entire world one Very Familiar guy if it means not having to look at or think about anything or anyone else around him including the responsibility of being an alien president

bread wants to CHANGE HER NAME bien wants to COLLECT MERCH AND PLAY ON THE PIANO jacques wants to HAVE TEA PARTIES AND LARP BEING DEAD media wants to GET MARRIED AND LIVE IN DOMESTIC BLISS and shit even sar "lets do big cosmic goals together" is out there fucking roleplaying christmas in poland

the repeated thematic symbolism of characters experiencing the world "as it is" but those perceptions feeling foreign and insignificant, of things being seen out of "the corner of ur eye" instead of facing them headon, where a marginal is a manifestation of unpleasant memories they try to repress, replace and gaslight themselves into being About Other Things, etc. etc., where every character is simultaneously Just Some Guy but also THE GUY

breadavota is weak if you try to view it as a typical narrative of how characters go from a to b but man is it good as a overall experience of being a Schizoism Simulator. its a story where every character cant face the feelings and experiences they have in the past so they turn those feelings into objects and punt them into space.

fittingly in a story about marginal notes, escapism and the eyes of reality itself unable to watch the world around it head-on the "bonus stories" propel the narrative in a way the "main plot!" doesn't quite

impending apocalypse? nay. jacques goes to the grocery store for the first time