#Vince Noir imagines

[random-imagines-blog]

Imagine getting a minor injury while working with Vince Noir.

It was just a little nip. Sometimes the animals got excited around feeding time and would become a little ... exuberant when they took their food. Usually they were patient enough to wait until it got put down in front of them, but this new bird hadn’t yet learned. You kept your cool in front of the kids that were watching, tucking your bloody finger behind the others but as soon as you left the bird enclosure and started to head towards the staff room, you were cursing up a storm under your breath.

“Why is always the small cuts that hurt the most,” You groaned. You probably wouldn’t even need stitches. It was about the same size as a papercut, but stung the same. A bit of a rinse under some water, some polysporin, a bandaid and you’d be good to go. An annoyance, nothing more.

The familiar shuffling sound of the heeled boots. The large hair coming into view, blue eyes, green jumpsuit with the shiny pins, coming out of the staff lounge just as you were about to head in. Vince, of course. The sweet little prince. H stopped right in the doorway, looking at you, taking in the grumpy expression. Then his eyes trailed down your arm to see the bloody fingers. Instantly, his eyes went wide.

“What happened?” He asked, actually loking downright sad. If anything, it made you feel worse that you were worrying him.

“One of the birds,” You said with a shrug, playing it off. “‘s nothin Vince, just need one of those plasters -”

He was already examining your finger and hissing as he looked at it, as if he felt it himself. “You’re going to need something more than a plaster, come on,” He took hold of your good hand and started to run with you, sprint with you, through the zoo. How he managed to do so in those boots that he always wore, the ones that were definitely against regulation, you couldn’t figure out. But that question didn’t stop you from enjoying the way that his hand felt in yours, you admitted to yourself. It was - sweet, how much he cared. Enough to bring you to Naboo.

Vince had you explain what had happened again - literally, just a nip from a bird, before taking control of the situation. “Have you got any lotions or potions? Anything?” He was asking the mystic. You had your eyebrows raised towards Naboo, amused to say the least. It didn’t even hurt anymore, not unless you bent that finger. But here was Vince, acting like you just got your arm pulled off.

“-might have some polysporin in the office?” Naboo suggested.

“Oh, good idea, that,” Vince said with a nod. Of course he’d listen to Naboo. You smiled thankfully towards the short man before you were dragged off again by Vince towards the staff room where you had started from. Ten minutes later, you were poly’d, you had on a plaster with little zoo animals on it and Vince was even... “There,” He said, kissing the bandaid. “Feeling better?”

“Well, I am now,” You said with a grin. The pain had dissipated a quarter of an hour ago but you weren’t going to tell him that. Not when he was being like a helpful little poodle, trying to kiss the sting away.

Requested by: Anonymous

[tundrafloe]

In 2016, Noel talked to the Bullseye podcast about his and Julian’s excitement that the Boosh would be on TV!

Noel: “It was an innocent time. When we got our first BBC series, we were so innocent about promoting ourselves. I think me and Julian got stickers made and we put Boosh stickers up around Shoreditch saying “Boosh is on telly.” That’s how low-fi we were. Stickers on lamp posts.”

[couldtransitionsaveher]

HOWARD MOON from THE MIGHTY BOOSH

JUSTIFICATION:

"I know we are all mostly agreed that Vince Noir's got something going on gender-wise, but I'd like to present a more esoteric theory to the court, if I may. Consider: Howard Moon, a cocktail of assorted gender neuroses in the approximate shape of a woman. She spends half her time attempting to perform masculinity and the other half being painfully jealous of her easygoing, casually androgynous best friend, and most of her self-consciousness seems to stem from a persistent failure to be as butch as she thinks she should be. Plus she looks great in lipstick. It's a no-brainer.

Transitioning would also solve most of Howard's problems with women. Can you imagine how many girls would go nuts for a tall, awkward, jazz-loving lesbian who waxes lyrical about elbow patches and whose wardrobe consists entirely of corduroy and tweed? Howard would be much happier as a woman and probably much more fun to hang around with. No further questions, Your Honour." - @beaft

Reminder: Submissions are always open! Submit here!

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[grimmars]

Noel fielding character sexuality headcanons!

Richmond Avenal:

Amab non-binary (they/them) - Bisexual

Gay posh vampire fits the bill

Vince Noir:

Afab genderfiuld (any pronouns) - Bisexual

Doesn't really mind being called a girl

Thought he was only into girls before they entered the goth scene

Noel (Luxury comedy):

Amab libramasculine (they/he) - Pansexual

No one on this show has a gender (except for dolly and maybe raymond boombox)

Dickie:

Mtf trans woman (she/her) - Unlabelled

Dickie was the only one I got stuck on sexuality wise, I don't know what she'd be into considering the area she's in isn't giving many options

Plus, she needs mad therapy I feel bad for my queen

Noel (Mint royale - Blue):

Ftm trans man (he/him) - Gay-Polyamorous

100% in a poly relationship with the robbers

They give him a cut for t-shots and saving for surgery

Had a punk phase and may or may not still be going through it

Noel (Wuthering Heights):

Mtf trans woman (she/her) - Lesbian

She's really sweet and gets really shy when girls call her pretty

Loves cottagecore and fairycore aesthetics

(I chose to ignore the kiss on the judges cheek for my headcanon)

If there was a spider-verse for noel fielding characters, Wuthering heights and Mint royale would be besties.

Ed Banger:

Cis man (he/him) - Gay

No one remembers Ed but he was the first noel character I ever saw and my life changed forever

He has no personality but is gay cause he's a rock star played by noel so duh

Pete Sweet:

Cis man (he/him) - Bisexual - Polyamorous

Is probably married to stitch like 20 years later

Maybe they added a third to their relationship at one point

I like to imagine that sweet is an au of mighty boosh where everything is the same but no fantasy stuff happens, they just work in a shop and love each other

[kissmyhandcallmedarling]

spunky dilf

vince noir x reader

imagine: finding out you were pregnant with vince's child.

(don't ask why i put that gif - its just hilarious.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twelve days. It was twelve days late. It had never been this late before.

"Oi! Y/n, you up?" The yell of your shamanic landlord and good friend, Naboo, shook you from your thoughts.

"Um, yes!" You hollered back.

"Do ya want some malt loaf? Bollo's just put the tea on."

"Oh, yeah, thanks, Naboo. I'll be out in a minute."

"No worries... Bollo you ballbag! What are ya doin'?"

"Ughhhh," *crash* "I think I may have eat the cakes."

"You idiot! Those were my hash cakes! I made em' for Pete you tit!"

"Sorry."

You laughed to yourself as you got out of bed, wrapping a warm, woolen shawl of Vince's around your shoulders. The antics of your housemates never failed to put a smile on your face - even when you faced such a situation as you believed yourself to be in at the moment.

You emerged from your chrysalis of a bedroom and joined your mates in the kitchenette, taking a seat on the couch.

"Mornin'!" Naboo greeted, sitting opposite you on a beaded pouffe (this was followed by a grunt from Bollo, letting you know your presence was noted).

"Morning."

"What's up with you?" He took a puff of his pipe.

"Nothing's up." You folded your arms tighter over your chest.

"I'm a shaman. I can sense when something's off. And something is definitely off about you this morning."

"Isn't that empathy? You don't need to be shaman to have empathy." Bollo waddled over with the tea and malt loaf on a tray.

"Yeah, whatever. 'Point is," he took another drag, blowing smoke from his nostrils. You were usually alright with the smell of... whatever the hell he smokes... but today it made you positively gag! "Something's different about you, Y/n. I can sense it."

"I have no idea what you're on about, Naboo." You took a bite of malt loaf - it was a little stale, but you were rather hungry, so you ate it regardless. "Where's Vince and Howard."

"Didn't Howard tell you?"

"No...?"

"The dickhead," Naboo scoffed. "Long story. So you know how Vince went to some party last night? Well, he got home about half-three and was pretty pissed-"

You rolled your eyes; Vince enjoyed a cocktail or three, but barely ever got himself truly wasted. However, it was his mate Leroy's bucks party, and so naturally, you weren't surprised he took the opportunity to go to town on the booze.

"He wanted to straighten his hair and basically, he fell asleep on his straighteners and got a nasty burn-"

"Why did no one tell me about this?!"

"I dunno. Anyway, Howard took 'im to the doctors to get it checked. You were still asleep and Vince insisted on leaving you be."

"Right..." You spent a moment comprehending the story. "Shit, it wasn't the Nicky Clarke's was it?"

"Yes. Think so." Bollo grunted.

"Fucking idiot! Jesus christ Vince!"

"Don't take offense, Y/n, but you're being really moody this morning."

"Am I?" You retorted. "Oh, I'm sorry. I only just found out my tit of a boyfriend got himself pissed and ended up with second-degree burns!” You excused yourself from the couch and went back to your room, slamming the door behind you.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Bloody hell! This was the last thing you needed! Vince going out and getting shitfaced, unbeknown to the fact that he may be a father sooner than he wished! Fuck!

You paced your room, trying to think of what your next move would be. You were too young for this - you told yourself. But you needed to know...

And so you did a test.

*POSITIVE*

You were pregnant.

***

You were midway through the afternoon shift in the shop when Howard arrived back with Vince slung over his shoulders, looking terribly hungover, still wearing his red catsuit and silver boots.

“Ughh, I need a Berocca!” 

Howard gestured for Vince to head upstairs, before walking over to you. “You go look after him. I’ll take care of the shop.”

“Thanks Howard.” You gave him a pat on the shoulder before rushing over to aid Vince up the stairs. Once at the top, you guided Vince into your room and laid him down on the bed. 

“What have you gone and done to yourself, you bloody idiot?” 

“Well I had a few too many flirtini’s at Leroys and…”

“That was a rhetorical question.”

“Oh.”

 “I know what you did. You fell asleep on your Nicky Clarkes.”

“…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Vince raked a hand through his hair. “I was pretty pissed.”

This whole kerfuffle nearly made you forget about your own situation.

“It’s alright, just so long as you’re alright now.”

“It’s better, now that I’m with you.” He reached to your face and tucked a stray hair behind your ear, before gently pulling your face down to meet his lips in a tender kiss.

You smiled and gave his hand a squeeze.

“You rest up. I’ll fetch you a Berocca and run you a bath.”

“Cheers, darlin’. You’re a diamond.”

You got his Berocca and then set out to preparing his bath with nice warm water, bubbles, and put out his favourite shower gels and shampoos and conditioners (he had alot of those). 

“You ready, Vince?”

“Yeah.” 

You helped him up and walked with him to the bathroom, closing the door softly behind the two of you. 

“Right, let’s have a little look at this wound.” You told Vince to sit, and you crouched beside him. Having since changed out of his catsuit, he pulled up his shirt, and you lowered the already-very-low waistband of his black trousers. The burn was protected by a dressing.

“Can you take it off please. The dressing.” He asked. His voice... was vulnerable.

“You sure?”

He nodded. 

“Can you hold this?” You got him to hold his waistband down while you gently plucked at the corners, trying to ease the bandage from his skin with as little pain as possible. “Almost there.”

He bit his lip as you yanked the stubborn edge from his skin. Vince let out a sigh of relief.

“Thanks for that.”

“Is it sore? Are you sure you’ll be alright to have it in water?” You observed the bright red scar that lacerated his groin.

“A little sore, yeah. But I really need a bath, so I don’t really care. My hair is absolutely mank!”

"So you're saying you'd prefer an infected wound, to greasy hair?"

"It'll be fine!"

“Alright, I’ll leave you be then.” You turned to leave the room, but Vince caught your wrist. 

“No. Stay." His eyes were soft. "Won’t you join me?”

You smiled .“I guess it wouldn’t do any harm.”

He beamed that childish grin of his. 

Soon the two of you were immersed in the hot water and bubbles, Vince retelling stories of the previous night.

"And then, Jaque LeCube, right, he got this massive hose pipe right and chugged a pint of lager in one. I don't even know where his mouth is."

You listened intently, relishing these intimate moments, as your head rest on his chest, surrounded by warm, lavender-scented foam.

Gradually, the chatter petered out, and you simply lay in his embrace, your fingertips grazing his thigh below the water surface.

"Vince?" You broke the silence.

"Hmm?"

"I have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

You sat up and met his gaze.

"I'm..."

"Y/n, what is it?" His expression grew solemn as you struggled to string your sentence together.

You held your breath.

"I'm pregnant."

He didn't respond, simply looked at you blankly, as though trying to comprehend the words you'd uttered.

"Vince, say something." You grew concerned.

"Fuck..."

Your heart sank.

But a cheeky grin broke across his face.

"I've always wanted to be spunky dilf!

"Vince!" You giggled. Not at all the reaction you were expecting.

"You know, like a super cool dad who looks like a rockstar - you know when we pick up the kid from school and all their friends go 'wow, look at their dad! He's so cool!'" He turned to you and took your hand. "So, we're really having a baby then?"

"Yes. Yes we are."

He smiled softly. "You're going to be the best mother to our child."

"And you the best, coolest, most Jagger-esque father!"

"You know it, darlin'." He placed a hand on your stomach. "I love you."

[satellite-of-self-love]

Love What You Love, Including Yourself.

Under the Break:

My Sorting Tags

My Selfship Reblog Games

My F/Os

Misc

•Blog Sorting Tags•

#Mental Health = Posts for keeping mental health.

#Self Love = Posts about loving yourself and allowing yourself to be loved.

#past reblog games = F/O reblog games made by others that I've played.

#my reblog games = F/O reblog games of my own.

#FO Positive = Selfshipping Positivity Posts.

#F/O Imagines = F/O Imagines.

#F/O AU = relating to one of my alternate universes where a selfship lives.

#F/O Convos = Goofing around with the Tupperbox bot in Discord

•My Reblog Games•

The Wedding Cake Bakery

Reblog with up to 2 F/Os and I'll find wedding cakes based on their visual vibe!

Status: OPEN!

•My Various F/Os•

Most of these blogs are Misc/RP/Aesthetic/Fandom blogs.

You can send asks to any of these characters via my Anomalous Polyverse Blog, simply say who you want to talk to before your message!

🔮🌜Anomalous Polyverse🌛🔮

A mega-crossover purely-for-fun alternate universe involving my personal character living and interacting with all of my F/Os.

Polyverse Blog: @theanomalouspolyverse

(All tags lack spaces between the name and the emoji. I blame my OCD for that.)

Romantic F/Os

Audrey Two (Little Shop of Horrors 1986)

-> Tag: Audrey🌱 Blog: @mean-n-green

The Warden (Superjail!)

-> Tag: Warden🌈 Blog: @splenderific-skittles

The Spine (Steam Powered Giraffe)

-> Tag: Spine⚙ Blog: @starlightsoliton

Angeldust (Hazbin Hotel)

-> Tag: Angel🕸 Blog: @glamspiderfluff

Jack O'Lantern (Billy and Mandy)

-> Tag: Jack🎃 Blog: @its-the-great-pun-kin

Beetlejuice (a composite version)

-> Tag: BJ🪳 Blog: @trashygeistinlove

Joker (The Batman series, The Dark Knight, and Tim Burton's Batman)

-> Tag: Joker🃏 Blog: @the-jokester

Patches the Clown (An OC)

-> Tag: Patches🤡 Blog: @patches-the-clown

Enoch (Over The Garden Wall)

-> Tag: Enoch🎃 Blog: @autumn-belle

Captain Michael Quinn (Project Blue Book)

-> Tag: Quinn✈ Blog: @lets-touch-the-stars

Hexxus (Ferngully: The Last Rainforest)

-> Tag: Hexxus☣ Blog: @toxic-mud

Invader Zim (Invader Zim)

-> Tag: Zim👽 Blog: @i-am-zim-2001

Mr. TopHat/Marcus Cochran (Are You Afraid of The Dark: Carnival of Doom)

-> Tag: TopHat🦂 Blog: @circus-scorpion

Yeshua (Fennah/Satellite City)

-> Tag: AlleyCat🎰 Blog: @eldritch-casino-cat

Lord Black Hat (Villainous)

-> Tag: Lord&Master🎩 Blog: @oh-dark-lord

Oogie Boogie (The Nightmare Before Christmas)

-> Tag: Boogie🎲 Blog: @nightmaregamblinman

Mammon (Helluva Boss)

-> Tag: Mammon💰 Blog: @greedy-evergreen

Platonic F/Os

Vince Noir (The Mighty Boosh)

-> Tag: Vince👑 Blog: @sunshinesparkle-child

Hawkeye Pierce (M*A*S*H)

-> Tag: Hawk👁 Blog: @swampyflowers

Harry Vanderspiegle (Resident Alien)

-> Tag: Harry👽 Blog: @h-vanderspiegle

-- My Pet Regression Blog with Harry as my caretaker F/O: @an-aliens-pet

Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty)

-> Tag: Rick🧪 Blog: @rickin-and-a-rollin

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)

-> Tag: IsocelesMonster👁 Blog: Coming Soon!

Bezel (Chikn Nuggit)

-> Tag: BezelTime🕰 Blog: Coming Soon!

Nandor The Relentless (What We Do In The Shadows)

-> Tag: Relentless🦇 Blog: @thevampirefam

Collin Robinson (What We Do In The Shadows)

-> Tag: Collin🦇 Blog: @thevampirefam

Guillermo De La Cruz (What We Do In The Shadows)

-> Tag: Not Guillermo🦇 Blog: @thevampirefam

Baron Alfanas (What We Do In The Shadows)

-> Tag: Baron Alfanas🦇 Blog: @thevampirefam

Barnaby (Billie Bust-Up)

-> Tag: Owly🦉 Blog: @spooky-noodle-bird

Familial F/Os

Loki (Son of the Mask) (Father)

-> Tag: Loki🎭 Blog: @candy-coated-chaos

Fenrir (OC Version) (Brother)

-> Tag: Fenrir🐺 Blog: @fluffy-fenrir

Skoll and Hati (OC version) (Nephews)

-> Tags: Skoll☀️, Hati🌒 Blog: @puppypicnicofplanets

Hades (Hercules 1997) (Uncle)

-> Tag: Hades🏛 Blog: @plutos-blue-flames

Nadja (What We Do In The Shadows) (Big Sister)

-> Tag: Nadja🦇 Blog: @thevampirefam

Laszlo Cravensworth (What We Do In The Shadows) (Brother-In-Law)

-> Tag: Laszlo🦇 Blog: @thevampirefam

Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo (MST3K circa 1990s) (Adopted Sons)

-> Tags: Servo🎞 , Crow🎞 Blog: @robo-bros

Misc F/Os

The Hitcher (The Mighty Boosh) (Antagonist)

-> Tag: Hitcher🪱 Blog: Coming Soon!

Early Cuyler (Squidbillies) (On and Off Antagonist/Frenemy)

-> Tag: Early🐙 Blog: Coming Soon!

•••Miscellaneous•••

•●• Blog Owner Main Hub: @very-anomalous

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

[izzythehutt]

How did you get into Breaking Bad? Lol it just doesn't seem like your type of show, like at all

Kind of embarrassing but also hilarious, in a private conversation about Cobra Kai @gorevidalscaligula compared Walt and Jesse's relationship to Johnny and Kreese ("It's the prestige show version!") and I was intrigued enough by that idea I decided to give it a shot. I also had been wanting to watch Better Call Saul for awhile, which had a premise that appealed more to me on its face, but it seemed to me like you really needed to watch Breaking Bad first to get the whole concept of the show (which, having almost finished BrBa, I believe is true but I also think I'm probably going miss Walt and Jesse for the first six seasons until they finally show up.)

I think it's interesting it doesn't seem like my type of show, because it's...very consistent with my taste. I don't know how I come off on this blog, I guess I use tumblr for a lot of low pop art shit-posting, elaborate meta and pimping out my high concept Harry Potter fanfic, but I went to film school and I'm a screenwriter, I do have an appreciation for what passes for "sophisticated" in television terms, lol. Noir, westerns and crime drama are all genres I like because they deal with good and evil in clear-cut ways that many straight modern dramas don't. A well-acted character study that's actually about something (as in, is making a point about the human experience as opposed to just being shiny nihilism) is my exact cup of tea.

I also kind of can't imagine disliking BrBa once you start watching it. I know taste is taste, but some things are just objectively excellent.

In every respect—writing, directing, cinematography, production design, acting—Breaking Bad is a technical and artistic masterpiece. Me joking about stanning Walt aside, it is also probably the best portrayal of moral devolution and the dangers of consequentialism in TV I've ever seen. I know "Bravo Vince!" is a meme but it's also merited, damnit.

What kept me from watching it when it was initially on was probably my age (those were my college years and the dark premise was not interesting to me) and that I refused on principle to watch any shows about drugs in those days. I DO NOT FIND DRUGS INTERESTING, and there was a spate of prestige shows about white collar crime ten years ago that just.....annoyed me. Luckily BrBa isn't really about drugs so it is interesting.

Plus, I can never say no to a complex, dysfunctional (pseudo) father/son relationship!

[heckoffmate]

I wanted to draw a comic with dialogue that these two might genuinely say. Bit of a reach, but I still think I could imagine them saying it.

[hail-to-the-queen-baby]

I’ve written for the first time in ages!!

I’ve started a side blog for writing stuff and the first thing I’ve completed is an office glam drabble!! (Ross Gaines x Vince Noir). Feel free to follow my blog, it’s no where near finished yet but feel free to start requesting if you’re interested! 

I’ll post it on the blog in a min so you’ll find it here bohemianimagines.tumblr.com

@bohemianimagines   

@rockystiltskin-bellamy !!!

[louciferish]

from the prompt list (if you are taking prompts) - 73- “ Oh, Are you ticklish? ” (for noelian?) and/or “ Why are you naked? ” (for howince) if you arent taking prompts ignore this but otherwise <3<3

This is probably NOT what you hoped for, but may I present... Vince Noir's New Clothes It’s twenty-seven minutes past one when Vince pushes open the front door and strolls into the shop. The bell over the door jingles merrily to greet him, and Vince turns with a grin and his customary, “Alright, Howard?”

Behind the till, Howard looks up from where he was in the midst of doing something with tweezers in Stationary Village. He freezes. Stares at Vince.

That only makes Vince’s grin widen. He’s been getting this reaction to his new outfit all morning — a couple women on the street had even fainted, imagine that — but if it can capture Howard’s attention too then it’s really something special.

He’d been dubious, at first, when the strange man in the shop had held the mirror up, but clearly the weird little fellow had an eye for fashion after all. Vince preens, flipping his hair back and winding a few strands around his finger.

Howard blinks, then shakes himself back into his usual disapproving demeanor. “Vince, what are you doing?”

“I know, I know. I’m late again,” Vince says, hands raised as he strolls over and drops into his chair by the window. A passer-by, stopping to look inside, spots Vince and drops his shopping in the street. Genius.

“That’s not what I mean,” Howard barks. “Are you mad? What do you think you’re doing?”

Vince looks around the shop, but as expected there’s nothing in particular going on. He’s stretched out in his chair, not doing anything, so he answers, “Keeping shop?”

Howard turns red in the most fascinating way, the color spreading from his nose to his cheeks, then jumping to the tips of his ears. Vince watches the slow seep with amusement until finally Howard breaks and barks out, “Why are you naked?”

“Naked? What are you on about?” He’d known Howard was mad since the day they met, when he caught the scruffy-looking larger boy standing under a tree lobbing pencils at squirrels. He always knew the day would come when Howard lost the thread entirely, but he’d thought they had a few more years.

Vince hops to his feet, hands on his hips to display his outfit. “This is only the latest trend, or it’s about to be. Minimalism is well hot right now, right? So this in particular, it’s made of this very fine thread, actually spun by fleas if you can believe it. It normally costs thousands of Euro, but I found this little second hand shop, see, and this man that worked there — well, he was a bit more like a gnome — but anyway, this man had no idea what he really had.”

Vince grins brightly and does a little twirl, showing off the back. Howard flips from red to pale as quick as the flick of a traffic light. “I got a bargain.”

“And how much,” Howard asks, voice strangled, “did you pay exactly?”

“Forty-two Euro.”

“Forty— Forty-two Euro? Vince! You paid forty-two Euro to walk out of a shop bare-assed?”

The red is back again, Vince notes with amusement. It’s not Howard’s color. “Oh, Howard,” he sighs. “You’re fucking useless at fashion.” Turning, Vince traipses up the stairs. Outside, he hears the squeal of brakes and a long screech of metal.

His new outfit is stopping traffic again. Worth every cent. Also on AO3

[derryqueenx]

All these used as bait ideas are making me excited for the possibilities for the next fic!! is Vince finally gonna break? 👀🥳

HI PARTY!!

This was sent in before I posted the latest fic MARKED, but I promise the breaking of Vince Noir has only just begun!!

I’ve still got a few prompts sent in for this universe I’ve got to write yet - so he can’t have it easy just yet! 😈😏

^ooft imagine Vince is looking up at Lyle here 👀

[looxury-comedie]

THIS BUT WITH HOWINCE BY YOURS TRUKY XOXO

1. i imagine vince would, purely to keep his hair and clothing dry, howard is too tall to fit under it so he ends up walking just next to vi ce, complaining the whole way home.

2. again, vince, howard doesnt mind that much as vince always makes the popcorn as sweet as he can

3. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

4. vince.

5. rhey fight over it, but eventually vince wins, mainly because howard can never say no to vince for too long

6. VINCE ONCE AGAIN. i doubt howard would want to go shopping with vince

7. HOWARD! he always makes a big show of it, always says 'ladies first' before letting vince through

8. vince noir rock n roll star

9. HOWARD OH MY GOD! imagine it, vince comes down the carpet wearing a big stunning dress and howard's just breathless at how pretty his hubby is

10. vince once more, hes very particular about the angles and how to get a good picture whikst howard just stands there and waits for vince to stop fussing

[f0x-gl0ves]

Hear me out,,,,

I know ceruveal brooks is TECHNICALLY Noel's character and Julian is Tony BUT,,,,

My galaxy brain can just Invision Howard moon as a sad horny goat man and Vince noir as the androgynous ethereal Faye who stumbled into his woods and got lost ?

Anyway 'i imagined a hedge where you layed your hair, the grass was red' has been stuck in my brain for months so you all get to suffer with me B^)

[bohemianimagines]

Make-Up Station

This is very short and I feel like it ONLY JUST fits your request but nonetheless I hope you enjoy! 

Warnings: None

Working at the Zooniverse was the best job you have ever had.

Being assigned to work alongside Vince Noir was a hefty bonus.

You two had quickly grown close; going out on the town and hanging out with him and Moon every single day.You couldn’t imagine living life any differently. Vince was your best friend and confidant. You both did each other's make-up and listened to Rolling Stones vinyls whilst you ignored Fossil.  

Some people had been snickering at the two of you. 

No idea why.

Naboo had even called you into his kiosk and had told you that you would soon acquire a lover. Someone who you were already close to. Your heart leaped in hope at his words. This was short lived as you knew someone as popular and trendy as Vince wouldn’t date you; even just based on reputations alone. 

You still had this encounter with Naboo playing on your mind as you sat on a stool in front of Vince’s large mirror that you both used in order to apply the wild make-up you both liked. 

“What’s up with you Y/N? You’ve been zoning out whilst we’re meant to be applying eyeliner - serious business.”

He added the last remark with a cheeky wink, which made you blush so hard you wanted nothing more than to hide your face in his hair.  

You were so immersed in your hair fantasy that you hadn’t answered Vince at all. Just about as you were about to allow your scattered speech to come up with an explanation, Howard entered through the front door - he cringed at the sight of the two of you sitting so closely together.

“Christ Vince, if she’s meant to be sat on your lap could you at least do it in your bedroom, so you don’t have to spoil the rest of my evening by forcing me to watch people be in love.”

 Howard sulked off to the kitchen as you and Vince turned to one another in pure shock - yet with the anticipation of something new between the two of you in the air. 

[awesomehoggirl]

it’s wip wednesday so i thought i’d share a quick writing wip from my multi chapter fem howince fic which will maybe be done in 20 years ! it’s got 8 chapters and i am still on chapter 2 if this gets finished it’ll be a miracle. the fic is called eau d’bedroom dancing because i love le tigre and imagine how fantastic riot grrl vince would be ...

mentioning before hand that i write all my first drafts and oneshots with no capitals because i find it a lot easier but with this fic when i go back over i’ll put capitals in :) (also this is a section from chapter one not the opening)

—

her name is vincenzia mirabella lucie-marié le manteau rafflesia vaisseau-spatial noire (the longest name in the class, and the only one never written up on the ‘star student!’ chalkboard) but everyone refers to her as vince. she’s new to the school, and seemingly england, but her accent is pure south london. two teachers have quit because of her already. holly moon has never been so interested in a person in her entire tiny life.

oh, she’s read up on musicians, heard their stories, wished ever so slightly that her life would someday be just as interesting — did you know nina simone had seven siblings, that john coltrane was in the navy? but the weirdness that seems to just bounce off vince’s tongue beats every story she’s ever read hands down.

it quickly becomes apparent that she’s borderline feral: if the staff-room murmurs of the teachers are to be believed, she came from a ‘neglectful home’; if vince’s own word is to be accepted, she was raised in the jungle by a cast of rock stars, animals and french nobility. holly is sensible enough to doubt her at first, but before long (and after many demonstrations of her ability to talk to animals) she’s genuinely on board. they sit behind the ash tree at lunch time, out of sight from dribbling boys and disapproving teachers, and holly figures out that through half a chocolate bar vince can be coaxed into revealing all sorts about her unorthodox childhood.

‘dunno why you’re so desperate to know about my life,’ vince complains once, when asked again to tell the story about the great order of frogs and the backwards waterfall. ‘why can’t i hear stories about you for a change?’

‘all in good time,’ says holly, whose mother is a tax attorney married to a geography teacher. ‘plus, i know you love the attention.’

and so vince sits there and talks until she goes hoarse, or loses interest, or feels like changing the subject right at a crucial moment, or the school bell rings and they have to go inside. she talks about her house made of bus tickets and her animal friends, her french duke uncle who would come down on bank holidays and teach her table manners, about joining the jackals for hunts, about skimming the treetops in the claws of squabbling vultures, about the hoots and screeches of the monkeys as they chased her through the undergrowth on the back of a hippopotamus. and holly will listen breathlessly, trying to seem nonplussed when in reality she is clinging to every last word. (tell me again about the paper-mache tiger and the rhinoceros’ game nights. tell me again again again.)

because no matter how hard her sensible brain tries, she really can’t prove them wrong. vince is hopeless at all forms of spelling or arithmetic. she is genuinely flabbergasted when explained to that, in fact, biting and shoving are not always seen as ‘playful’ in the human world. she swears like a sailor (or perhaps a rockstar) would, until the little old lady vicar gasps, snaps her bible shut and refuses to read to the year six class ever again. idioms are beyond her, let alone algebra, and the teachers insist there’s no hope — but they can’t help liking her, despite it all. there’s something so genuine about her ever-present toothy grin, her bubbly demeanour, that they soon allow her to get away with anything.

and yet holly is her best friend. and the only person (maybe in the world) vince will tell her stories to.

‘once upon a time,’ she begins one lunch break, dipping holly’s generous sacrifice of a curly wurly into her pocket for later, ‘i was out with jahooli the leopard, who was my best friend — he’d give me rides on his back when i was really small, swattin’ the bloodsuckers away with his giant tail. he’d catch me fish in his big strong jaws, crush ‘em up so i could eat ‘em right, i was just a nipper, i’d not got all my teeth in yet, but he was a right sweetheart about that sort of thing. on the surface jahooli always seemed to be a reckless character, a real rough-and-tumble kind of cat, but i knew the reality: he’d lost his mate and his litter and he was gettin’ on a bit, i was all he had left in terms of fatherhood. it meant he did get a bit invasive at times, yeah, he could be real clingy. i didn’t mind though, see, i’m wise beyond my years, so i was quite good with all that stuff, i let him vent to me when it all got a bit too much for his poor leopard heart to handle. anyway, this one day he was lookin’ after me, on account of my foster father bryan ferry being away on tour. and it was a hot afternoon, this one. really hot.’ she sinks down on her heels. ‘the kinda hot that drenches you in sweat no matter how still you stand. the kinda humid that makes your palms slick and your eyelashes heavy. most of the animals were tucked away underground by midday, but the bigger sorts like me and jahooli, we couldn’t exactly join them. so jahooli said, why don’t we make our way down to the river?’

holly feels her spine prickle. it is eerie, the way her friend’s stories pull her in.

she follows vince along to said river, feels jahooli’s long speckled tail curling round her shoulders, bumping against her collarbones, keeping her close. feels the slick wetness of the air, feels the burn of her lungs as they work in shallow pumping gasps. breathes in the hot dark of the bush, the low chatter of the canopy. soon the lumbering gait of the leopard slows, the river is in sight — the banks are busy with boars, bucks and buffalo, sunning lizards and mice. slow-blinking crocodiles cruise in the shallows. vince is not afraid of them. (holly would be.)

‘is it true if you’re being chased by a crocodile you should run in a zig-zag pattern?’ she interrupts (not because the story is getting a little too tense for her or anything).

vince rolls her eyes, makes a face as if holly has asked her the stupidest question in the world (considering just yesterday she asked holly whether all numbers bite or if the three digit ones are just especially fiesty, they clearly have different opinions on what counts as a ‘stupid question’). ‘if a crocodile were to haul its fat arse out of the nice cool water just to give you a bit of trouble, you probably did something awful to deserve it. why? are you plannin’ to go pokin’ sticks at ‘em? cause if you are, insult their music taste, they’ll go absolutely mental. most crocodiles are obsessed with alice cooper, so there’s a good starting point, have that one on me.’

‘so what’s—‘

‘oi, hush! do you want this story or not?’

holly shuts up. vince lowers her voice.

the jungle is sweaty now, the riverbanks a dripping piccadilly circus. jahooli has left vince’s side, gone to make conversation with ranbir the great panther, so she ventures alone to the water’s edge (the animals watch over her, they all like her, tiny and pink and strange as she is) and dips her feet in. the water is so clear and cold it hurts, but soon the pain ebbs and gives way to a calm coolness. she sits down, slides in up to her knees, lies back against the soft mud

the jungle is treacle now, bubbling and pooling, thick. vince soon drifts off and the leaves behind her eyelids are red. the stars are wheeling gulls, the air is thick with salt-spit, her eyelashes tangle and she slips down into the mud. somewhere else, the dulcet waves begin to lap. the elephants have arrived. jahooli and ranbir share a look before they approach, hackles raised (they are not mean-spirited creatures, but they do like to play a prank).

the jungle is long gone now, and vince dreams of strawberry ice cream. somewhere else, jahooli and ranbir wind around each other dizzyingly, teeth flashing slick and sharp. somewhere else, the elephants are fussing, distressed by their feline dance, their ashy trunks whirling as they back up their feet. pelts twist and brush together before the big-cats turn, open their jaws and let out a combined roar that wakes vince, sends animals scattering, splits the sky in two —

and the jungle rumbles. and the elephants charge.

[kissmyhandcallmedarling]

m a s t e r l i s t <3

date created: 06/08/21

date last edited: 25/10/22

* = contains smut/nsfw

[REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

--------------------------------------------------------------

American Horror Story

James March:

various imagines (x fem!reader)

until forever falls apart

imagine taking a bath with james

imagine dying outside the hotel cortez

good old-fashioned lover boy

with passion*

desperation*

dear insecurity

sweet relief*

cold december nights

pillow t(ouch)alk

caught

goodnight, my darling

protect me

sinners, aren't we all (series - unfinished)

black mary janes - pt one

the roses - pt two

porcelain and parchment - pt three

miracle (series - finished)

miracle pt one

miracle pt two

miracle pt three

miracle pt four

Austin Sommers:

various imagines (x fem!reader)

poetic lovers

new muse

Tate Langdon:

various imagines (x fem!reader)

the most wonderful moment

about a girl

The Evans:

headcanons (x fem!reader)

that time of the month is is?

does a chicken have lips?

ugly sweaters + mistletoe

kit likes sunflowers

scars to your beautiful

Cordelia Goode x Michael Langdon:

are monsters born or created (unfinished)

optimism - pt one

incertitude - pt two

affection - pt three

paralysis - pt four

clarity - pt five

AHS Instagram:

if the ahs characters had instagram

hotel

apocalypse

I am a goddamn cartoonist in the making:

(aka shitty ahs cartoons i've curated)

apocalypse #1 - michael langdon goes shopping

apocalypse #2 - witches pay the outpost a visit

———————————————————————

Noel Fielding

Vince Noir:

various imagines (x fem!reader)

my girl

you alright?

soft cheese

Noel:

various imagines (x fem!reader)

happy hour*

south london forever

tour life

spunky dilf

Dickie:

various imagines (x gn!reader)

creature of the night

alone

vince/dickie x howard thing that i may or may not continue

on the far side of the moon

——————————————————————

Dracula (BBC)

Dracula x Agatha Van Helsing:

after all this time did you think i’d let it hurt

trust in a beast

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Other

death on the nile/russell brand as dr windlesham (niche, ik):

heal you

tim curry as rooster hannigan (annie 1982)

our love ain't lousy

REQUESTS ARE OPEN