#WHAT HAPPENED TO HER JOB IN SEASON 3? I WANT TO SEE HER LOSE HER WORK-LIFE BALANCE AND THROW HERSELF IN POST-DIVORCE

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

just finished season 3 and i have. thoughts.

[stevie-petey]

episode one: suzie, do you copy?

Steve sighs. “Those kids are manipulating your power over me to get what they want.” “You call it manipulation, I call it bonding.”  Another sigh escapes Steve. “You’re going to be the death of me.” “And yet you stay.” You tease. “And yet I stay.”

Summary: you help nancy sneak through jonathans window, the party uses you for your "in" with steve, and you sorta become the reason dustin almost blinds lucas. meanwhile, steve tries, and fails, to make you his girlfriend (this will happen all summer), but have no fear ! dustin intercepts a russian code and makes everything even harder for everyone. what a sweet brother <3

Rating: general, swearing

Warnings: allusions to violence, swearing, fem!reader, use of y/n

Words: 9.6k

Before you swing in: shes here !!! season 3 of come home <333 im so excited for yall to read what i have planned, and thank you so much for being so patient as i planned the season out and started the chapters :) season 3 is pure chaos and i hope yall love what ive created, im proud of the changes i made <3333 we get some more insight into bug this season, which i also hope yall love !

-

June 27th, 1985.

A summer breeze gently creeps into Jonathan’s room, bringing the scent of dandelions and your childhood with it. It’s early evening and Jonathan hums to himself quietly, laying in his bed as he lazily skims through a comic he stole from you last week. You’re next to him as you carefully cut pieces of construction paper to glue onto the posterboard. Dustin comes home from camp in a few days and you want his welcome home banner to be perfect.

In the other room you hear the floorboards creak, followed by the sound of Joyce and Will laughing at whatever movie they’ve put on in the living room. Hearing their laughs makes you smile; it’s been so long since you’ve heard them laugh.

The tune that Jonathan hums now becomes a familiar one, and absent mindedly you begin to hum along with him. The cool summer night’s air encases the two of you, as if it senses that you want to freeze this moment forever. You’re in the Byers home, pressed against Jonathan’s side as you hum together an old song from when you were both fourteen and thought you had the world all figured out,

It’s nice, having this moment all to yourself with him. Moments alone with him have become few and far between, and it saddens you to think about.

There’s a new mall in town, Starcourt, and within a few months of it opening, Bookstrordinary has slowly been edging out of business. The entire town of Hawkins quickly fell in love with the mall, but with this love came the abandonment of downtown Hawkins.

Mrs. Waters can barely afford to have you work more than a few hours a day, so you’ve been spending your days visiting Nancy and Jonathan at their internship at the Hawkins Post or hanging at Scoops Ahoy to see Steve and Robin. While your friends have been lovely, you can’t swallow down the fear that you’ll lose your job by the end of summer.

As if somehow reading your thoughts, Jonathan puts down his comic and pokes your cheek. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask if you and Nance thought of anything else to try and save Bookstrordinary.”

You glue down a letter and try to distract yourself with the miniscule task. Nancy has been brainstorming a million ideas to try and help Mrs. Water, and while you appreciate her effort, it’s no use. Swallowing down even more dread, you shake your head at Jonathan. “No, nothing. Nancy offered to help organize a book drive to get more customers, but…”

“It wouldn’t be enough.” Jonathan finishes for you.

“Not nearly enough,” you sigh, desperately wanting to change the topic now. “But besides me possibly losing my job soon, how has yours been at the Hawkins Post?”

Now it’s Jonathan’s turn to sigh. “It’s… okay? I guess. I–I mean, definitely not what I expected it to be. The hours suck and the men are awful, but…” he shifts uncomfortably and looks away from you, embarrassed. “A job is a job.”

You rub his arm, understanding what he means. The Byers have always struggled with money, but ever since Will went missing two years ago and Jonathan lost his last job at the Hawk movie theater, it’s only gotten worse. They’ve tried hiding it, but last week you sneakily paid for Will’s ice cream at Scoops Ahoy while no one else was looking.

“I get it, bee.” You reassure him, hating that he even feels embarrassed in the first place.

Jonathan smiles and leans into your touch, appreciative of the fact that you know his family well enough by now to understand all he’s too ashamed to say. The two of you sit quietly for a few moments before he tries to lighten the mood with something else. “You excited for your birthday, bug?”

“Ugh,” you shake your head in disgust, which Jonathan laughs at. He knows you’ve never really liked your birthday. “Don’t remind me.”

“It’s in a few days, so you gotta suck it up.” Jonathan flicks your forehead and you swat your hand at him. “Besides, I bet $5 that Steve has some grand proposal planned for your birthday this year. He’s spent the entire summer drooling over you.”

His words make you blush furiously. “He has not–”

“He definitely has,” Jonathan tries to flick you again but you dodge, giggling. “I’m surprised he hasn’t publicly declared your love for you yet. I think there’s a betting pool going around the party.”

You gasp. “You’re lying!”

“Nope. Lucas and Max both lost last week, they bet mid June. Now it’s only me, Nancy, Will, and Dustin in the running.”

“What about Mike and El?”

“Mike didn’t want to encourage you dating Steve and the party agreed it felt unfair to have El gamble seeing as how she’s, ya know, still getting used to being in society.”

Despite yourself, you laugh. The idea is so bizarre and lovely, knowing how invested everyone is in your alleged love life, and it makes the worry you’ve been feeling fade away. “Can I join the pool? If I actually lose my job, I’ll need the money.”

Jonathan scoffs at you. “That goes against every gambling rule–”

“Please? I could be poor soon!”

“No, it’s not going to happen–”

“But–”

A knock on the window cuts you off. The two of you look up at the sound and find Nancy standing outside, waving and smiling. You hurry over to let her in, happy as always to see her. She’s been spending more and more nights at Jonathan’s, always sneaking in through the window.

It’s disgusting, and you couldn’t be happier for them.

Jonathan helps the girl climb through the window and greets her with a kiss to the forehead. “Hey, Nance.”

She smiles up at him with a shine in her eyes, and you know it’s time to leave. It’s getting late, anyways. You start to gather your banner supplies as you greet Nancy yourself. “Welcome back, Wheeler.”

“Hello to you too, Henderson.”

You wink at the girl and quickly ruffle Jonathan’s hair. “I’m going home, bee. My mom wants me to help prep Dustin’s room and I wanna have his banner done by tomorrow.”

“Bike home safe, please.” He says with a stern finger pointed at you.

Rolling your eyes, you give a mocking salute to Nancy and Jonathan. “Use protection, kids. I’m too young to be an aunt.”

Nancy gasps while Jonathan practically trips over his own two feet at your words, and you laugh. You leave them alone to compose themselves, closing the door to Jonathan shouting, “That wasn’t funny!”

You’re still giggling to yourself when you walk into the living room and see Joyce and Will sprawled on the couch. Their movie has just finished, the credits are rolling as you stand next to the TV and wave goodbye to them.

“You leaving so soon?” Joyce asks, surprised to even see you leave Jonathan’s room in the first place.

“Yeah, gotta finish up Dustin’s welcome home banner,” you hold up your supplies. Then, through the house’s thin walls, you all hear Nancy’s soft giggle. At the sound, you lean in close to Joyce and Will and dramatically whisper, “Plus, between the three of us, company came, so…”

Will’s eyes widen. “Yuck!”

Joyce chuckles, remembering how in love she was at Jonathan’s age back then. “Would I be a bad parent if I told Nancy she could just use the front door?”

“I don’t think so, but it’s fun watching them think they’re getting away with it.” You steal a piece of candy from the bowl Will had been eating out of, and he holds it up higher so that you can grab more. “Thanks, little bee.”

“You think it’s fun teasing Nancy and Jonathan now, Y/N, but when you’re the one sneaking in through a boy’s window one day…” Joyce shrugs, a twinkle in her eye. “You’ll understand.”

Will looks up at you with his own evil glint in his eyes, and before you can stop him, he turns to his mom and says, “I wonder how high Steve Harrington’s window is.”

You pretend to attack Will and he giggles as he flees his seat and runs to the other side of the living room. “Will Byers I will spit in your cookies–”

Joyce covers her mouth and gasps. “Y/N, are you hiding a boyfriend from me?”

Quickly you stop chasing after Will, terrified of the idea of the woman thinking you’d hide anything from her. “What? No! I’m not dating Steve–”

“Yet!” Will exclaims from across the room, but his retaliation is followed by a shriek as you chase after the kid again.

“If you keep this up, I’m telling Steve to stop letting y’all sneak into the movies!” You threaten as you chase the boy around the room.

Joyce watches in amusement, she’s never been able to take her eyes off of you when you’re with her boys. Will dodges a grab and you stumble, giving him just enough time to hide behind his mom’s armchair.

He pokes his head out at your threat, his eyes now uncertain. “You wouldn’t really tell Steve that, right?”

Catching your breath, you collapse onto the couch and shake your head at him. “No, little bee. I wouldn’t.”

You’d never do that to Will. He’s been so keen on spending as much time as possible with the party this summer, spending each and every moment planning DnD campaigns and biking all over Hawkins to spend mere seconds together. Will has spent all summer trying as hard as possible to be a kid again because so much of his childhood was stolen by Upside Down.

Will slowly gets up from behind the armchair and sits next to you, relieved. “Okay, good. We wanna see a movie tomorrow night and I already promised everyone you’d get Steve to let us in. That would’ve sucked.”

You and Joyce laugh at the boy’s response, and it feels so good to have this moment with the two of them. You allow it to wash over you for a second, the Byers home has always had such a comforting effect on you, before getting up and gathering your things once more. “I really should go, though. My mom is waiting.”

Joyce and Will say goodbye and tell you to be safe on your way home, and it warms something within you. As you bike down their driveway home, you inhale the summer night’s air and wonder, days before you turn seventeen, how much longer you have left of just this: being a little kid going home after a long day.

–

When you get home, Tews greets you with an angry meow.

The cat had been a Christmas gift for your mom from you and Dustin, seeing as how you accidentally killed Mews. Your mom had cried seeing the little kitten, and had cried even harder when your brother suggested the stupid name “Tews.”

But it stuck, and now Tews glares at you as you take your time feeding her.

In Dustin’s room you can hear your mom rustling around, frantically cleaning the place as if it currently isn’t the cleanest it’s ever been since the kid has been gone all month. After you feed Tews, you make your way over to your brother’s room to help with cleaning.

A few hours later, you’re laying in bed, exhausted from your long day. Dustin’s banner sits on your desk, right next to the phone that resides in the corner. Yawning, you glance at the clock, but when you see the time, you smile.

The phone rings.

“Right on time, honey.”

“Aren’t I always, angel?” Steve’s voice soothes your aching bones, his words like honey, the very thing you’ve come to associate with him.

Phone calls have become more and more common between you and Steve. You’re not sure when this tradition formed, but when you aren’t at Scoops and he isn’t at your house infiltrating your family, you’re on the phone with one another.

Hearing Steve’s voice puts you at ease, and it wasn’t long before you started calling each other before bed every night.

“How was your day?” You ask him, spinning the phone’s cable around your finger as you lay in bed.

Steve lets out a dramatic groan. “I swear, after you left today, Robin intentionally amped up her taunts. It’s like you’re her buffer or something. The second you leave,” you hear him snap his fingers, “she turns against me!”

“Robin would never do that.” Your voice is monotone as you say this, which only makes Steve groan dramatically once more. Robin would most definitely do that; you both know this.

“You two are the worst together.”

“Yeah, well,” you pull your blankets up to your chin and readjust into a comfier position. Your eyes feel heavy and Steve’s voice settles over your body. “Prepare for more pain tomorrow night. Will and the party have grand plans to sneak into yet another movie.”

Steve sighs. “Those kids are manipulating your power over me to get what they want.”

“You call it manipulation, I call it bonding.”

Another sigh escapes Steve. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“And yet you stay.” You tease.

“And yet I stay.”

You bite back a smile; you can almost perfectly envision Steve laying in his own bed, phone pressed to his ear with his hair messy and eyes half lidded as he talks to you. You wish, more than anything, that you could be there with him right now; instead, you fall asleep to the sound of Steve’s voice, slightly raspy from his own exhaustion.

–

The next day you wake up to an empty house. Your mom has been spending her summer at Hawkin’s pool, like all the moms in town now do, to admire Billy at his new job.

It grosses you out to no end, and when your mom comes home some days swearing that Billy winked at her, you have to swallow down the phantom pain of his fingers wrapping around your windpipe.

By the time you get to work, Downtown Hawkins, as always, is a ghost town.

It’s been this way ever since Starcourt opened, and as you park your bike and lock it up, you can’t help but be unnerved by how quiet everything is. It was only a few years ago that you had to scream at a crowd of onlookers when Jonathan and Joyce had had that fight when they had found Will’s body in the quarry.

Now, walking slowly towards the front doors of Bookstrordinary, all you hear is silence in the once lively area. There are posters scattered throughout the old town, but they’re worn from the sunlight and torn from the weather. It’s a depressing sight.

Mrs. Waters greets you kindly when you walk in. “Hello, dear.”

“Hi, Mrs. Waters.” You give her a quick peck on the cheek as you quickly swipe your card to clock in. The bookstore is empty. “Any new shipments today?”

The old woman shakes her head forelonly. “Afraid not. We still haven’t sold last month’s shipment.”

You duck your head down and curse. This is the second shipment you weren’t able to sell. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Waters.”

“Oh, don’t be!” She walks over to you, her wrist shakes as she uses her cane. She has aged so much these last few years. “I’ve owned this store for thirty years, dear. I’m just happy that I can give you and Alex a job before you kids go off to college. Besides, it’s given me something to do these last few years without my husband…”

The woman’s eyes glaze over, something that has started to happen more and more now, and you grab her arm gently and give her a little shake. “Hey, Mrs. Waters. You still with me?”

She blinks, looks around in a confused daze, before breaking into her old smile once more. “Of course I am! Now, sort some books while I ward off those debt collectors with this cane.”

Despite the gravity of the situation, you can’t help but laugh at Mrs. Waters as she waves her cane around madly and gives you a wink. She hobbles back to her office and leaves you alone with the books and the ghost of Downtown Hawkins.

Only two customers come in during your four hour shift, and by midday Mrs. Waters releases you so that she can give Alex a few hours of work as well. She’s trying her best to keep you both hired for as long as she can, so she splits your hours. What she doesn’t know is that Alex now has a job at Hawkins’ pool and only comes into work because he just can’t bear to quit, and neither can you.

You bike to the mall, sad and needing a pick me up. Jonathan’s teasing from last night echoes in your head. How could you possibly think about your birthday when your boss is slowly losing both her mind and her business?

At the mall, your feet unconsciously take you to Scoops as they always do. This has become your favorite part of your dreary days: going to Scoops after work. The smell of ice cream greets you as you walk into the shop.

Robin sees you first and waves excitedly from the register. “Y/N!”

“It’s me!” You run up to the counter and lean over it to squeeze the girl into a tight hug.

There’s a loud crash from the backroom and just as you’ve pulled away from Robin, Steve bursts through the doors and leaps over the counter to join in on the hug. “Thank God you’re here, Robin was about to make me clean the tables.”

You giggle while Robin scoffs, pulling away. “It’s your turn, dingus.”

Steve, still hugging you from behind, hums. He begins to rock you back and forth in his arms, which only makes you giggle more, while he pretends to think about what the girl has said. “Nope, don’t remember it being my turn.”

Robin gives you a pleading look to back her up, and you reluctantly slide your arms over Steve’s and release his grip. He groans in complaint at the loss of your touch, and you roll your eyes at him as you turn around to now face him. “C’mon, let’s go wipe the tables so dear Robin can man the register in peace.”

Steve groans even louder now as Robin cheers, and you snatch the rag from his pocket and begin to wipe down the tables. He follows eventually, moaning and groaning as he cleans next to you, and you hit your hip against his. “Hey, at least you’re getting paid for this.”

“I give you free ice cream!” He argues, pieces of his hair falling out of his adorably dorky sailor’s hat that he has to wear for this job. It’s incredibly endearing, and as he hunches over to scrub at a particularly dirty table, his thighs strain against his probably too short shorts and you can’t help but stare at them. As you admire this spectacular show, Steve catches you and flicks your nose. “Quit ogling me and get back to your free labor, angel.”

“I wasn’t ogling, I was simply admiring.”

Robin gags from behind the register. “I can hear you guys, you know!”

You and Steve both stick your tongues out at her before going back to work.

The hours pass by quickly after that. The midday rush of tweens and teens alike infiltrate Scoops, so Steve helps Robin fling ice cream while you get comfortable in your designated booth in the corner. You’ve hidden a supply of comics underneath one of the booth’s cushions and you spend your time catching up on the latest Spider-Man arc.

You’re so engrossed in what you’re reading that you don’t notice a body slide into the booth next to you until the person speaks.

“Spider-Man, huh? Heard he’s a pretty cool guy.”

Startled by the stranger’s voice, you almost drop your comic in alarm. When you see that it’s just Jason Carver sitting next to you, you place a hand to your chest and inhale quickly, trying to settle your rapid heartbeat. “Christ, you scared me.”

“Sorry!” He genuinely looks apologetic, so you wearily set down your comic and straighten up.

You’ve never spoken to Jason before, even though you’ve been in the same classes ever since eighth grade. He’s always ran with the popular crowd, being a jock and all, and you’ve always ran with Jonathan. However, despite being on the basketball team, Jason has never been mean to either of you, so you figure it’s safe to offer him your attention.

“Can I ask why you’re here?” You cock your head at him, feeling your hair fall over your shoulders.

Jason smiles at you, in a sort of cute and charming way. “Stopped by to get my little sister some ice cream,” he points to a little girl next to him, who waves at you, and you wave back. “Then I saw you sitting here all alone reading one of my favorite comics, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to say hi to such a pretty girl.”

You blush at his bold words. You’ve never received such attention from anyone before, at least not anyone normal thanks to Billy, and you’re not really sure why Jason seems to be paying attention to you now. He’s had years to do this.

Jason sees your sudden shyness and chuckles. He stands up and offers you his hand. “Why don’t I buy you some ice cream, maybe you could help me show my sister around the mall–” Steve’s shoulder collides roughly into the teen’s, causing him to stumble into his sister’s ice cream cone and get chocolate ice cream all over the front of his pants. Jason looks up at Steve and balls his fists in anger. “What the fuck, Harrington?”

You quickly cover the little girl’s ears, though she giggles.

Steve shrugs as he looks at Jason. “Sorry, man. Didn’t see you there.” Then, he turns to you, and offers his own hand. “Anyways, I think it’s time for your daily free ice cream, angel.”

Jason’s eyes narrow as you accept Steve’s hand and spare him an apologetic glance. Before you leave, you dig some cash out of your overalls and hand them to him. “For your sister’s new ice cream cone.”

He sighs and accepts the money. Jason knows that Steve is still holding your hand as he stands behind you, but he has nothing else to lose at this point. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I didn’t stand a chance, did I?”

Steve twirls you with your interlocked hands, causing you to giggle, and guides you to the ice cream counter. As he leaves, shouts behind him, “Not at all, buddy!”

You know you should feel bad, but Steve twirls you again and all you can do is giggle breathlessly as Jason Carver walks out of Scoops with his sister in tow.

–

Later that night the mall is busier than ever, and as you’re gossiping with Robin about Steve ruining Jason’s pants, you’re interrupted by Mike’s grubby little hand repeatedly hitting the bell.

Seems it’s time for their movie.

You flick the kid’s head, which Lucas, Max, and Will snicker at. “Enough!”

“Ow, Y/N!”

“Thanks,” Robin sends you an appreciative smile before she calls towards the backroom, “Dingus, your children are here!”

Within seconds, Steve opens the sliding windows and sighs when he sees Mike and the party. “Again? Seriously?”

“I warned you.” You say, shrugging at his annoyance. “Let the kids have some fun.”

Mike rings the bell again. “Do what Y/N says.”

Steve sighs in defeat and motions for the kids to follow him behind the counter. “Fine, but only because I’m nice, not because Y/N said so.”

“Right.” Everyone says, not at all believing him, which Steve chooses to ignore.

You all follow him through the back entrance of the mall. Checking to make sure the coast is clear, Steve waves the kids inside. “I swear, if anybody hears about this–”

“We’re dead.” The kids all respond, voices monotone with annoyance after hearing this threat a million times.

However, before they all leave, Will gently tugs at your hand to get your attention. “Are you coming with?”

You want to say yes, but then you catch Steve’s eyes and he silently pleads with you to stay, and you know you can’t tell him no. Squeezing Will’s hand, you shake your head. “Sorry, little bee. I promise I will next time, though.”

Mike scoffs in disgust, disappointed in you. Your relationship with Steve has always confused him, and you’ve only gotten closer to the teen since Dustin left for camp. He pities what the boy will think when he comes back to his sister all lovey-dovey with an idiot like Steve Harrington.

Once the kids leave, you go back into Scoops with Steve and settle into your booth once more. Grabbing your comic, you flip to where you left off before looking up at the teen and saying, “you have me for another hour. I can’t be out late tonight, Dustin comes home tomorrow and I promised Mike I’d be up at like seven to let everyone in.”

Steve salutes you and hops back behind his counter to help Robin with some customers. You smile at his antics and go back to reading. A few minutes pass, Spider-Man has just kissed MJ, before the lights above you start to flicker and then go out completely.

Everyone in the mall gasps and murmurs in a slight panic as they’re thrown into darkness. The hair on your arms stands up; you no longer trust lights that flicker. Robin catches your eye and gives you an odd look when she sees the fear on your face.

“Scared of the dark, Y/N?” She teases, not understanding what you really fear: what lies below Hawkins.

“That’s weird,” Steve mumbles to himself as he goes over to the light switch. He starts to flip the switch repeatedly, and you roll your eyes at him. He’s an idiot sometimes.

“That isn’t gonna work, dingus.” Robin says, looking over at you once more as if to silently ask, why are you attracted to him?

You shake your head at her as Steve continues to flip the switch, now only quickening his movements. He stares Robin down as if to challenge her. “Oh, really?”

Nothing happens, because contrary to what Steve may believe, he can’t fix what is likely (and what you hope) is simply a blackout from the summer heat. He flicks the lightswitch a few more times before the generators kick back on and Scoops Ahoy is once again lit up.

Steve raises his eyebrows at Robin and smirks at her, pleased. “See? Let there be light.”

You drop your head to the table, now also questioning why you’re attracted to the guy.

However, when it’s time to head home and Steve walks with you to your bike outside, he kisses your cheek and wishes you a good night; you know that this is the reason you’ve fallen for him: his kindness. With his kiss lingering on your cheek, you bike home.

–

When Steve gets back from saying goodbye to you, he’s met with a nosey Robin.

She stands against the counter with her arms crossed. There aren’t any more customers in the shop, they closed about ten minutes ago, and Steve was really looking forward to driving home and taking off his stupid uniform.

Robin, however, clearly has other plans.

“What did I do now?” He asks her, not daring to take any step closer.

“Why haven’t you asked Y/N out yet?” Steve’s eyes widen at the question and Robin knows she’s got him cornered. “I’ve spent hours with you guys, and it’s driving me insane that you haven’t manned up!”

“‘Manned up’?” Steve sputters out, completely offended.

Robin throws her arms out in front of her. “Yes! I mean, it’s so obvious that you’re in love with her and that she’s in love with you. Just… Just get it over with!”

Blushing, Steve slumps against the wall and closes his eyes. As much as it pains him to admit it, he knows that Robin is right. “It’s… complicated.”

“Well, go on.” The girl now hops on the counter and sits on it. “Explain it to me, then.”

“Y/N used to be in love with…” Steve stops, unsure if you’d want him to be telling Robin this. “Someone.”

She rolls her eyes. “Everyone knows she was in love with that Byers kid.”

“Right.” He clears his throat, uncomfortable with the reminder that at one point, everyone in Hawkins truly believed you were destined for Jonathan. “Well as I’m sure you know… He got with Nancy, who–uh, I had been with.”

“Okay, so what?”

“I–” Steve isn’t sure what Robin doesn’t understand. “I needed… time?”

Robin frowns. “After Nancy dumped you?”

“Technically I dumped her–”

“What does this have to do with Y/N?” Robin presses.

Steve groans and rubs at his eyes. He’s tired and wants to go home to call you and go to bed with your soft voice in his head. “Y/N understood that the breakup with Nancy hurt, and–well. She told me she’d wait for me. I guess. While I figured my shit out.”

Robin thinks this over for a minute. “Okay, I think I can understand that, but–wait, when did this all happen again?”

“... December.” He closes his eyes, bracing himself for the girl’s inevitable anger.

“Harrington!”

There it is.

“I know, okay?” Steve tugs at his hair in frustration. “I’m over Nancy, I’ve been over her since at least April, but… But what–what if Y/N has lost interest in me now? What if–maybe I made her wait too long, or–or what if she thinks she’s just Nancy’s replacement?”

Steve is rambling now, months of his anxious and insecure thoughts now spilling out. “I mean, it’d kill me if–if I ever made her feel second to anyone! She’s… She’s incredible and–God, I don’t even know why she likes me and I’ve spent this entire summer trying to–I don’t know… Figure out how to confess my feelings to her in a way that matters, ya know? Like, a grand proposal to show her that I’m crazy about her.”

Robin is silent for several minutes after Steve’s frantic spiel, he’s panting by the time he’s done. Then, finally, she says, “Dude… You’re way overthinking this.”

Steve winces. “I mean, her birthday is in a few days. I can… I can ask her to be my girlfriend then. That’s romantic, right?”

“You’re hopeless.”

–

“Dusty comes home today!” Your mom’s shrill voice wakes you up as she prances around the house getting ready. You roll over in bed and stretch, tired but excited to see your brother again after a month of being apart.

You get out of bed and press a kiss to your mother’s cheek before telling her to drive safe. Glancing at the clock, you see that you have just enough time to shower before the party arrives. The entire thing had been Mike’s plan and you were more than happy to help arrange everything.

After you’ve gotten ready, you hear three swift knocks on your front door and you answer it. “Right on time, Wheeler.”

Mike salutes you as he and the others walk in. El gives you a hug and Max high fives you as the boys start setting up the robots. The six of you get started on the plan: place all the robots in Dustin’s room, all hidden in various corners, and then use El’s powers to control them and guide him to the living room so that you all can surprise him.

It’s a brilliant plan, one only a Wheeler could think of.

It takes you, Lucas, Mike, and Will to successfully hang up Dustin’s banner that took you all week to make. There’s cursing, yelling, a few trips, and multiple snickers from El and Max while the four of you struggle to hang the thing, but eventually you manage to secure the banner into place in the living room.

Just as you’ve finished hanging it up, you hear your mom’s car pull into the driveway and you quickly shove the kids into a closet. “Quick! That’s my mom’s car, hide!”

Lucas yelps and Max punches his shoulder to shut him up, but thankfully you manage to close the closet door just in time before Dustin walks in. You hide behind the couch, quiet so as not to be seen by him, and carefully listen for his footsteps to retreat down the hall and into his room.

Once he’s gone, you scramble towards the closet and open the door. “Okay, he’s in his room, time for step two.”

“Did we all really have to hide in the closet?” Will asks, rubbing at his shoulder that had been shoved into a hanger.

“Yes, now shush and hide behind the wall so he doesn’t see you.” You order, and the kids all listen. Once you’re all pressed against the wall, you nod at El. “Ready?”

“Ready.” She responds, closing her eyes. Static fills the air and you hear one of the robots turn on in Dustin’s room. Then the other one turns on, then the monkey, and soon all the toys have been activated by El’s powers.

Mike pokes his head around the corner. “Okay, now start leading the robots here.”

Blood slowly begins to drip from El’s nose and you feel bad that she’s doing this, but the kids all look excited, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little giddy yourself. The noise from the robots grows louder as El draws them out from the room and towards you guys.

You hear Dustin’s uncertain voice following behind them. “It’s just a dream… You’re dreaming.”

Then Mike whispers to El, “Now!”

The robots all die in the center of your living room and slowly everyone starts to creep out from behind the wall. Lucas is holding his own poster he made and you hand everyone party noisemakers. Dustin is investigating the robots and doesn’t hear you stalk up behind him. Max silently counts to three, and on her signal, you all blow your party noisemakers and surprise him.

Dustin screams and immediately holds up his Farrah Fawcett spray, blinding Lucas as he continuously sprays it. The poor boy screams as well and the rest of the kids back away, out of the line of fire. However, as soon as your momentary shock wears off, you manage to snatch the hairspray out of your brother’s hand and save Lucas.

“Why is Farrah Fawcett your weapon of choice?” You exclaim, shoving a still screaming Lucas towards your kitchen so that you flush the spray out of his eyes. Max joins, rubbing soothing circles into the boy’s back.

“Why would you scare me like that after the hell we went through this year?” Dustin shouts back at you, clutching at his chest.

Dustin’s words make you stop for a moment and think. Huh. He has a point. “Yeah, we should’ve thought about that, honestly.”

“A little help here?” Lucas brings the attention back to him and you apologize, helping him once more to flush his eyes out. As you and Max tend to him, Dustin tells the others to follow him to his room so he can show them what he built at camp.

Max splashes some more water in Lucas’ eyes. “Better?”

The boy stands up and wipes his face, though he’s careful not to touch his eyes. “Still stings.”

“I feel like I should call someone…” You mumble, Your first aid knowledge doesn’t include Farrah Fawcett in the eyes.

Lucas blinks a few times and looks around. He leans in closer to Max’s face and for a moment you’re scared he’ll kiss her, but instead he chooses to be an idiot. “Is that a new zit?”

You wince and Max’s eyes widen in disbelief. She looks at you and you both seem to come to the same agreement: grabbing the back of Lucas’ neck, the two of you shove his face back into the water. “What is wrong with you?”

Lucas screams again and you leave Max to deal with him, laughing to yourself as you go see whatever creation your brother has brought home. You love Lucas, you do, but you have no idea how Max puts up with his boyish antics.

Inside Dustin’s room, you find him and the others hunched over a collection of wires and metal pieces. You walk in and join them.

“I would like you to meet Cerebro.” Dustin presents his creation, but you honestly have no idea what it’s supposed to be.

You squint at it. “It’s… Pretty?”

“What exactly are we looking at here?” Mike asks, unimpressed.

“An unassembled, one-of-a-kind, battery powered radio tower!” Dustin explains with a proud smile on his face.

A beat of silence passes before Will carefully asks, “So… It’s a ham radio?”

Dustin’s excitement only grows. “The Cadillac of radios.”

“Still not understanding, buddy.” You now voice, usually always lost when it comes to the more AV stuff the party likes.

“This baby carries a crystal-clear connection over vast differences.” Your brother clarifies for you, and you nod along. “I’m talking North Pole to South. I can talk to my girlfriend whenever and wherever I choose.”

You, Mike, El, and Will all look at each other in shock at the word that has just left Dustin’s mouth. “Girlfriend?”

Your brother nods, looking all smug, and you immediately berate him with a million questions. “What’s her name, where is she from, how long have you been dating. Tell me everything, now!”

“Relax, dear sister. Her name is Suzie, and I’ll explain in a second. We can even talk to her if you guys help me set Cerebro up on Weathertop hill.”

You’re the first to start grabbing all the supplies, giddy and eager to hear more about your baby brother’s girlfriend. It’s almost too good to be true. Mike, Will, and El follow along and soon you’re all holding materials for Cerebro as you follow Dustin out of the house.

As you all leave, Mike starts asking questions again. “Wait, so her name is Suzie?”

Dustin nods. “Suzie, with a ‘z’. She’s from Utah.”

“People from Utah actually exist?” You ask, which the others laugh at.

“Girls go to science camp?” Will asks.

You give him a stern look. “Anyone can go to science camp, Will.”

“What Y/N said,” Dustin continues explaining his girlfriend. “And Suzie does, she’s a genius.”

“Is she cute?” Mike can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“Think Phoebe Cates, only better.”

You re-adjust one of the poles for Cerebro in your arms. “Can we focus on her being smart instead? I think she sounds lovely.”

From the kitchen, Max sees the four of you open the front door as she helps Lucas with his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“We’re going to talk to Dustin’s girlfriend.” Will informs them.

Lucas whips his head up from the sink as he and Max exclaim, “Girlfriend?”

“I know, right?” You say, motioning them to follow.

–

“Alrighty, one scoop of chocolate. That’s a buck twenty-five.” Steve hands the ice cream cone to the girl he’s currently serving. She’s pretty enough, and when he notices her Purdue shirt, he can’t help but say something about it. “Ooh, Purdue! Fancy.”

The girl smiles and hands Steve her change. “Yeah, I’m excited.”

“Yeah, you know… I–I considered it. Purdue.” He types the code into the register and places the change inside. “But then I was like, you know what? I really think I need some real life experience, you know, before I hit college. See what it’s like.”

The girl and the friend she’s with exchange weird glances, and Steve knows he’s rambling like an idiot. “Uh, what I mean is… You’re girls, right? How would the two of you like to be asked out by a guy?”

“I’m sorry?” Purdue girl asks, looking at her friend, creeped out.

The cash register begins to beep at him and Steve hits it a few times to shut it up. “Sorry, uh… Anyways, say you’ve seen this guy every day for like, months, and feelings are shared, you know, as they are. Then time passes and the guy never makes the move because he’s, well, he’s an idiot–”

“Yeah, totally.” Purdue girl interrupts him and her friend giggles.

“Exactly, so… This was, like, so fun. This little chat. Anyways, what do you think? How would you want the guy to ask you out?” Steve puts on his most charming smile, hoping that the girls will say that maybe he isn’t crazy for waiting so long to ask you out. As he hands them their change, he drops part of it. “Oh, sorry about that. Uh…”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t wanna be asked out.” Purdue girl says as her friend snorts.

“Sure, but I mean, it’s complicated, you know? And–”

Purdue girl interrupts him once more. “No, I’m sorry, but it sounds like you missed your chance and you’re like, really weird.”

“But the guy isn’t me!” Steve shouts as the two girls leave, only embarrassing himself even more. He sighs, closes his eyes, and wonders how he got here.

“And another one bites the dust.” Robin announces from behind him. He turns around and watches as she marks another tally underneath the you suck column of her whiteboard. Next to it is the column you rule, which currently has zero marks. “You are oh-for-six, Popeye.”

Steve crosses his arms. “Yeah, I can count.”

“You know that means you suck and that Y/N isn’t the problem here, you are, right?”

“Yup, I can read, too.” Steve swallows down his annoyance, he knows he’s only done this to himself.

“Since when?”

“It’s this stupid hat,” Steve complains, as if this is the only appropriate answer. “I’m telling you, it’s making everyone think I’m some pathetic guy who can’t ask a girl out.”

Robin leans against the window. “Yeah, company policy is the reason that you’re an idiot for not asking out Y/N.” She thinks for a moment and tries to offer the teen some advice. “Ya know, it’s a crazy idea, but have you considered telling the truth?”

“What? That I’m hopelessly in love with her? Sure, I’m such a catch who couldn’t even get into Tech and whose douchebag dad is trying to teach a lesson, now making three bucks an hour with no future.” Steve laughs at himself. “A catch who, by the way, could’ve been hers back in December had he not been a complete moron? What a great truth.”

Robin frowns, now feeling bad for making him feel this way. While she doesn’t understand everything, she gets that Steve has had a difficult few months. Taking pity on him, she points out some girls approaching and tries to lighten his mood. “Hey, twelve o’clock! Maybe they’ll see your side of things.”

Steve turns around and sees the girls as well. “Shit, okay. Okay, I can do this! I’m going in.” He quickly snatches the sailor hat from his head and tosses it to Robin. “Screw company policy, I’m getting advice about Y/N one way or another.”

For a second, Robin has hope for him, but then he opens his Scoops Ahoy greeting way too loud and then immediately starts to ramble about you, and she sighs in defeat and marks another tally underneath the you suck column.

–

Hiking up a giant, grassy hill in ninety degree heat while hauling heavy equipment for a giant radio that your brother built to talk to his alleged long distance girlfriend definitely wasn’t what you had in mind today. In fact, you mourn the fact that you aren’t working today.

You’re only here to hear about Dustin’s girlfriend, honestly.

“Aren’t we high enough?” Lucas pants, voicing what everyone else is thinking.

Dustin shakes his head. “Cerebro works best at a hundred meters.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure people in Utah have telephones.” Max quips.

You wipe sweat from your brow and cringe, you feel disgusting. “Max, you’ve always been so wise.”

“Suzie’s Mormon.” Says Dustin, and you almost trip over a rock.

“You’re dating a Mormon?”

Lucas talks over you. “Oh, shit. She doesn’t have electricity?”

“Oh, that’s the Amish.” Max corrects him, and you get flashbacks to when you had to correct Steve about Nazis and Germans.

Will frowns at you. “What are Mormons?”

“Scary people–”

Dustin interrupts you. “Super religious white people. They have electricity and cars and stuff, but… Since I’m not Mormon, her parents would never approve.”

“Please don’t become Mormon,” you beg, dripping even more sweat. “I need someone sane in our family.”

“I won’t,” Dustin reassures you, though he has a far off look in his eyes. “But it’s all a bit Shakespearean, don’t you think?”

“Shakespearean?” Max laughs and you also can’t help but giggle.

Dustin doesn’t let your teasing deter him from reminiscing, though. “Yeah, like Romeo and Juliet.”

“They both die, Dustin.” It’s important to you that he knows this.

“But they were also star crossed lovers.”

“Who killed themselves.”

Below, Mike shouts to the rest of you, “Hey, guys!”

You all turn and you frown when you see just how far he and El are, both of them empty handed and dry as a daisy in the summer heat. When Mike sees that he has all of your attention, he taps at his watch. “This is fun and all, but, uh…”

“I have to go home.” El announces, her arm intertwined through Mike’s.

Dustin points towards the top of the hill no less than a few yards away. “We’re almost there.”

“Sorry, man. Curfew.” Mike shrugs, he isn’t really sorry and you all know it. He then grabs El’s hand and they descend down the hill, giggling and enamored with one another.

With a gleeful laugh, El says goodbye. “Good luck!”

Dustin looks down at his watch. “Curfew at four?”

You’re startled by the time, having assumed it was at least closer to six. Hopper may be an overprotective grump of a man, but not even he is crazy enough to enact a curfew for El at four in the afternoon. “That… Doesn’t sound real.”

“They’re lying.” Lucas explains, frustrated.

“It’s been like this all summer.” Will says bitterly, something that you take note of.

Max nudges you with her shoulder. “I think it’s romantic.”

“It’s gross!” Will voices again.

You bite your lip. “I don’t know, it’s your guys’ last summer before high school and…”

“It’s bullshit.” Dustin finishes for you, hurt in his voice. “I just got home.”

You flick him. “Language! But… I agree.”

Dustin watches with annoyance as Mike and El walk down the hill hand in hand. While he’s incredibly hurt that they’ve ditched him after being gone for a month, he remembers what Steve has taught him. People can suck, but there’s nothing he can do about it. “Well, their loss, right? Onwards and upwards, Suzie awaits!”

Max and Lucas groan at the idea of continuing the hike while you admire your brother’s perseverance. You’re proud of him for not letting Mike and El ruin his plans with the others. He’s excited to be home, and you’re more than happy to go along with whatever schemes he has planned.

You’re about to follow the others up the hill when you realize that Will hasn’t joined. You turn around and see that he has his hand around the back of his neck as he stands there, frozen. Then, he turns and faces Hawkins, stumbling back a bit as he does so, and you watch with a frown on your face.

“Hey, little bee, are you okay?” You gently place a hand on his shoulder, which seems to break him of whatever spell he’d been under.

“I’m fine,” he lies, and you don’t at all believe him. Will looks uneasy, as if he’s just seen a ghost. A part of you begins to worry, but you don’t push him. For all you know, it could be about Mike and his growing distance from the others.

“Well, c’mon, then.” You grab Will’s hand and together you ascend the rest of the hill.

At the top, Dustin drops his bag and sighs. “Made it!”

“Yeah, only took five hours,” Max pants out, stumbling the final few steps up the hill.

You collapse onto the ground and fight to catch your breath. “I run almost every morning. I think I lost a lung back there.”

“Why couldn’t we just play DnD?” Will collapses next to you.

Lucas grabs the flask of water, and as you struggle to get air into your lungs, you watch as he chugs the remaining water without a care in the world. Max watches as well, annoyed, and once again you pity Lucas. He’s such a boy.

Building the radio takes longer than expected. After your short five minute break, Dusin puts you all to work. There’s a million pieces to the thing and your fingers ache from screwing bolts into slots and extending poles. The sun has begun to set when you finally push the giant radio into an upright position. It’s easily fifteen feet high, and it’s an impressive sight that you can’t deny.

“Not bad, Dustin.” You admit, walking around Cerebro in awe.

“Ready to meet my love?” He asks everyone, and you all sit down next to him and eagerly await. Dustin switches the radio on. “Suzie, this is Dustin. Do you copy? Over.”

No one answers. All you hear is radio feedback.

Dustin scratches his nose nervously. “One sec. She’s probably… She’s still there.” Again, no one answers, and he ducks his head down in embarrassment. “Suzie… This is Dustin, do you copy? Over.”

More radio static follows in the absence of Suzie’s response.

You wince, despite trying to appear supportive. You can’t help it, this is embarrassing for your brother. While you don’t doubt that he has a girlfriend, you admit that this doesn’t look good for him. A long distance girlfriend who is hot and smart and magically needs a radio to communicate with? Unlikely.

“I’m sure she’s there,” Dustin tries to explain to you guys, now even more embarrassed. “It’s dinner time, and she’s busy…”

“Yeah, sure.” Lucas tries to be supportive and play along, which you appreciate him immensely for. Max nods as well, but Will just stands there silent.

“Maybe try again?” You encourage, trying to be nice.

Dustin nods and tries once more to contact Suzie, and it goes on like this for a while. He radios, no one answers, and eventually you and everyone else lay down in the grass as you wait for nothing.

Almost an hour passes and the crickets begin to chirp as the sun goes down and the moon comes up. Dustin is still trying to reach Suzie, but Max finally has enough. “Dustin, come on! She’s not there.”

“She’s there, alright? She’ll pick up.”

“Dustin…” You sigh, unsure how to tell him that you also want to leave. You had plans with Steve tonight, he invited you over to watch a movie and you should’ve left ten minutes ago.

Will lifts his head up from the grass. “Maybe Cerebro doesn’t work.”

“Or maybe Suzie doesn’t exist.” Lucas argues.

Dustin gasps. “She exists!”

“She’s a genius and she’s hotter than Phoebe Cates? No girl is that perfect.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose at Lucas’ words and wait for Max’s inevitable offense. He truly, deeply, is such a boy. As predicted, Max sits up and looks down at him with annoyance. “Is that so?”

Lucas shuffles up in panic, now realizing too late what he’s said. “I mean–you’re perfect! I mean, like, perfect–in your own way, in your own, uh, special way!”

“Lucas,” you hit his shoulder. “Stop talking, dude.”

Max laughs, pleased with herself. “Relax, I was teasing. I’m obviously perfect and Dustin is obviously lying.”

“Okay, no,” you now sit up. “He isn’t lying, it’s just a very unfortunate circumstance.”

Max doesn’t listen and instead offers Lucas her hand to help him up so that they can leave. “Come on, Don Juan.”

“Where are you going?” Dustin follows, not understanding yet what’s happening.

“Home,” Max huffs, before remembering that you’re there, too. “Bye, Y/N!”

“Bye,” you wave at them weakly, knowing that this will only upset your brother further as she and Lucas slowly head home.

Dustin stands next to you now. “Well, guess it’s just us and Byers, Y/N,”

Will now stands up and awkwardly avoids your brother’s gaze. “Um… It’s late. Sorry. Maybe tomorrow we can play DnD, or something fun, like we used to?”

Dustin clenches his jaw. You know he’s close to tears, and it breaks your heart to watch. You stand up and rest your arm around him as he responds to Will. “Yeah, sure.”

“Welcome home,” Will says sadly before he starts to walk down the hill as well.

You anxiously watch as he leaves. “Be careful, please!”

“I will!” He reassures you, knowing that you’re still terrified of losing him again.

As you watch Will, Dustin whispers to himself, “Yeah, welcome home.”

His words break your heart even more. Forgetting about your anxiety over Will, you wrap both arms around your brother and hug him. He had been so excited earlier to be home and see all his friends after a month of being away. You understand that the kids are all growing up, but you had always hoped that they’d grow together, not apart.

“You still have all of July and August,” you try to comfort Dustin, desperately hoping that you aren’t lying to both him and yourself. “I’m sure they’ll come around.”

Suddenly the radio attached to Cerebro switches on and Dustin pushes you off of him so that he can get to the radio in time. He stumbles over his feet and trips, and you watch with amusement and curiosity.

He manages to finally untangle himself from the radio and answers. “Suzie, Suzie, is that you?”

You sit down next to Dustin and lean in close to the radio, excited to finally meet your brother’s girlfriend. Instead, you hear what sounds like a foreign language. It’s distinct, slightly muffled, but you know what it is. “Is that…”

“Russian.” Dustin whispers.

Everything changes, then.

–

You force Dustin to go home immediately. He wants to stay, see if he can find any more hidden messages, but you refuse. He’s elated, talking a mile a minute as you bike home, theorizing every possible answer as to why you heard Russian in Hawkins, Indiana.

“Dustin!” You yell at him, terrified that someone could be listening. “Not here, okay?”

He deflates, but pedals home alongside you.

You’re terrified as you bike home, a million thoughts are running through your head. You don’t at all like what any of this could mean; you’ve had enough sketchy government facilities and secret government agencies to last you a fucking lifetime.

When you get home, you order Dustin to go to bed.

“But Y/N, we’ve got to tell someone about this–”

“Tomorrow, okay? Just, please, Dustin.” You’re exhausted and confused and overwhelmed.

Your brother senses that you’re at your limit and reluctantly backs down. “Fine, but can we at least tell Steve tomorrow?”

Hearing Steve’s name puts something at ease within you. Tomorrow, you’ll go to Scoops with Dustin and ask Steve what he thinks about all of this. Comforted by the fact that you now have a plan forming, you begin to calm down. “I promise we’ll tell him tomorrow, okay?”

Dustin nods and heads to his room, wishing you a good night. When you hear his door click shut, you slowly head to your own room. You’re terrified, and there’s only one thing you want to do to lessen the fear that scratches at your throat. After crawling into bed, you call Steve.

He answers immediately. “Y/N? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” you breathe out, his voice like an exhale of a summer’s day. “I… I’m sorry I missed our movie night.”

Steve laughs softly. “Angel, I’m just happy you’re okay. I was getting worried there.”

You close your eyes. “It’s been a weird day.”

“Did something happen?” Steve senses that there’s something you aren’t telling him, which worries him.

“Dustin… He may have found something, but I just–I don’t want to talk about it just yet. I… I don’t want to jinx it,” you squeeze your eyes tight and will away the fear you feel. “I–I’m just, I’m so exhausted, you know?”

“Y/N, are you in danger–”

“No,” you dispel any fear that Steve may feel. “I promise I’m okay, I just really need to hear your voice right now, okay? Can you just talk to me, please?”

“Of course I can.” Steve agrees without any questions asked, and you love how he trusts you enough to do this.

Exhaling the remaining fear, you allow the warmth from Steve to hold you through the night. “Thank you, honey.”

“Anytime, angel. You know that.”

And you do.

Steve begins telling you a story from today, how he dropped an ice cream cone on a toddler and enraged the mom, and you fall asleep that night to the sound of his voice over the phone.

-

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[mylittleredgirl]

i know some of you have been pressing your faces to the glass waiting for me to see this one in particular SO i saw "the nurses" the other night and am still thinking about it!!

i love love love it when characters get pushed to a point where you can almost see their childhood selves pop out, like are they even talking about what's happening right now? or are their 12-year-old hearts just screaming?? i love that margaret's outburst is both irrational (the hostile work environment is coming from inside the house; i was yelling at my tv "baby it's your fault!!!") and so so honest.

[this turned into a bit of a character thesis, so not only is there a readmore, there will also be a reblog soon with the rest of the post because i maxed out the image limit] [edit: part ii now in the reblogs!]

this whole time, margaret has treated her subordinates with a heavy hand because she thinks it's the right and fair thing to do. the rules say this is how it works!

she maintains a high standard of excellence in brutal circumstances, but she's also reactive, moody, and unforgiving. she's often shown on the edge of losing control and authority, she inflames situations by overreacting, and the thing she punishes most egregiously is disrespect (toward frank, toward the army, toward herself). she intentionally underlines the distance between herself and the other nurses at every turn.

from season 3 "there's nothing like a nurse": [all IDs in alt]

really, everything she thinks and does comes from a place of "they're not supposed to like me," but the childish part of her that is completely unable to see her own behavior is confused and hurt because "i'm just doing my job so why don’t they like me???"

it's her job to maintain discipline, but especially here in 4077-land, she doesn't have to lead with the whip. henry was beloved because he was an overly permissive clown, which will never be her speed, but colonel potter has all the same training as she does. he's loved and respected as the Good Regular Army Guy because he leads with discernment and mutual respect.

it's easier for him. he's more experienced, he's respected and supported from above and below, and he has a calm temperament — which isn't nothing.

from season 4 "the interview":

whether she's aware of this as a problem or not, we at home can see how margaret's inability to control her emotional reactivity causes her as much grief as her inability to control other people.

if she were capable of laughing off small slights, hawkeye and trapper wouldn't have used her as a chew toy so much, and henry might have taken her real concerns more seriously if they weren't lost in the noise of daily fits, you know? she rarely started it, so i'm not blaming her for the hostile chaos circus of seasons 1-3, but i am saying she would have had a better time if she knew how to take a few deep breaths.

this description from the script, after the near-brawl in the nurses' tent in act one, is basically her character thesis statement:

and here, when she's reacting fully emotionally, the truth comes out! the reason that she won't be flexible and show compassion to the nurses isn't because of the rules, but because they're mean to her!!

that's obviously a very bad place to lead from. she has enormous institutional power over them, including controlling their freedom of movement, but she feels like all the other girls in school are hanging out together and they hate her. because they are! and they do! the fight in act one boils over when they make fun of her hair, and that sent all of them back to middle school.

and in many ways, that's where margaret's emotional maturity is stuck (which is, i think, why i find her so endearing). she can't see herself. she knows they don't like her, trust her, or want her around, but she doesn't understand how she dug this hole herself, or how to get out of it.

to add insult to jealous injury, one of the nurses (mary jo, who gets between margaret and baker to stop the fight and takes care of the others in different ways) is margaret's age, and the others look to her as their chosen leader and personal support.

and i'm sure margaret had NO IDEA this was the messy truth until she heard it come out of her mouth.

and her emotionally breaking on the "one lousy cup of coffee" in particular…

i wonder, how often does some version of that first tent scene happen? does she deliver their assignments every night? she walks in already defensive, they immediately stop laughing, and then... she either finds a reason to scold them or they ice her out until she leaves. (and they probably start laughing again as soon as she does!)

from her perspective, when she arrived for the dreaded sleepover and they turned out the lights the minute she walked in, it's like they cancelled the nightly coffee klatch just to avoid spending one social minute with her.

i also think the nurses are right when they assumed that she wouldn't have accepted an invitation to hang out with them (and might even have snapped at them for being inappropriate for asking). she doesn't cross that emotional line, even when she should — she didn't know gaynor was spiraling after losing so many patients in a row, and didn't respond compassionately when she learned.

has she ever invited them for coffee or a friendly chat? no.

...... but her circumstances have recently changed.

[reblog with the rest of it is here!]

[shamixlour]

I was rewatching the Bear and its kinda crazy the way Claire always forces herself on Carmy all the damn time (when she asked Fak for Carmy's real number when clearly the dude gave you a fake one for a reason or again forcing herself to the back kitchen when he got locked in the walk in when Fak told her it wasn't a good moment, timing or even during Carmy's panic attack scene, she forces herself in his mind, in his life so much that he believes that she would help him calm down....when we both know who truly is able to do that) and yk what's even crazier, the way the writers (who are geniuses btw so imo they really did this on purpose and for a reason) wrote her character in a way where as watchers we almost feel like we can't NOT love her, that by doing so we lowkey suck and we're a bit weird bcs not only Carmy's entourage (Nat, Richie & Fak) keeps insisting how good and great she is for him but also the girl seems to be, emphasises on seems, perfect for Carmy. She is the girl he used to fancy, his long time crush, she is pretty, intelligent, super easy going and ready to take all the steps needed to get to Carmy. He doesn't have to do anything almost for her to get into his life. She is easy and good and perfect so we should feel bad for not liking her, for not wanting her for him when everyone around Carmy thinks so of her and doesn't miss a chance to throw it right into our (and Carmy's) face all the fucking time. All the fucking time.

And so for me, it is written like that for a reason.

However we also see that Carmy starts losing his focus the moment she comes back into his life and best believe, I think he felt it, i think he knew and that is why he gave her a fake number bcs deep down he had a certain understanding that she was not perfect for the person he wants to become, he started to become but guess what, she forces herself and his entourage (Fak his best friend lol remember how carmy is a bit ???? When she tells him that thru the phone) thinks this might be good for him, she is the person Carmy always wanted so they think they are helping but they are wrong and they dont know and they dont see how he is eager to envolve bcs he doesn't show it much with them, he is not as open and human with them like he is with Syd. Besides, Carmy also has the tendancy to let things happen to him too, he kinda likes having it easy regarding all the other parts of his life (other than his job) so he just goes with the flow and so Carmy stops changing the sec he meets her again.

He stops and misses the opportunity to grow and envolve and find his purpose and I know deep down he knows and that is why all of their scenes kinda feels off. He knows deep down, not up front but we know with how their interactions are shown to us.

Claire is perfect for the Carmy from the past. She is perfect for the person he used to be and not for the one he thrives to become and so I am very excited to see how they're gonna play that for season 3 especially after she told him she loves him.

[wearepurplejackets]

Little recap of episode 4 of season 4 of Wakfu

Look at this!!

You saw this beautiful smile???? This smile can stop babies from crying (and Nora). This smile can revive a puppy.

You saw it???

Well, I hope you did because I think we'll not see it in a really loooooooong time~ (maybe 9... Or 10 episodes.) The storm is coming... violently with a bat.

(BEHOLD SPOILERS OF EP 4 OF SEASON 4 OF WAKFU)

I remember Tot said season 4 was gonna be sad a f*ck and that Yugo will have to pass some kind of "hard trial" (AGAIN) in this season because this kid will never have a good rest. Not even a breath. Stop. Give this little boy some holidays c'mon, the lord is always testing our little angel to the limit. (And by lord I mean Ankama I'm looking at you...)

So it's very likely that Yugo will start to suffer even more in the next episode. And of course, in the entire season :))))))) Let this boy have something, someone precious by his side more than an instant and stop take it from him in the next second, I beg you. (He just found his family... And... Qilby I guess. And Adamai just abandoned him already to investigate by his own way...)

Just seeing how the kings and queens of every nation were so disrespectful in front of him and just called his mother a monster and made her cry, well. (I want to riot! When Joris said they were "quite tense" he fell short.)

Okay, yes, I understand the eyes in the sky~ are pretty creepy and of course I don't trust her either, at least, like this is so suspicious for sure, no one was born yesterday even when she is trying to be so kind and helpful monitoring the entire planet (yeessss mom, way too much).

But, c'mon, this is a goddess as tall as... I don't know, as much as she wants, girl she is made of f*cking magic. If she wanted she could erase you from existence. She didn't have to give a f*ck about anyone and HERE WE ARE~

The best thing you can do is looking for a fight with her in the moment you meet her with no hesitasion? Do you want to die that much? Do you know about survival? Did you skip that class maybe? (I'm going for a tea BECAUSE-)

It was so necessary to (be a little racist dear rich people and) insult the giant blue mother of your hero in his f*cking face and the people who are at least trying to do your job (which any of you losers did well, like ever, btw. When Sadida kingdom was about to be destroyed by the chaos of Ogrest what did you do?? Eh, where were you???)

Jobs like protecting and saving your citizens from, nothing, being robbed and I don't know: imminent death??? I mean, really? Was that all you thought about in this situation? Being a d*ck was your best choice.

These same guys here were talking about stolen freedom?? What freedom? The brotherhood of Tofu had to save your asses for like 3 season. 3 ovas and dozens of comics. The same people who criticize others actions but never assist and reunite when they are needed, Cause I don't know Rick, it seems a little fake....

Yugo just met his mom and his sis and he already has the world of 12 hating them... Like wow, the rulers are all going to die in the hands of that kind of white demon/zombies of TLOU/soul suckers or whatever they are. And I really don't give a f*ck for any of them, ladies and gentlemen. Only the crowns are going to remain. (Down with the monarchy.)

Weeeeeeeell.

You know what? I don't care what Yugo will do from this point. Nop, not a bit. But I'm with him to the end of everything. I will support you honey, I will defend you no matter what. I mean, I'll be totally okay if he decides to save the world for the third f*cking time and I also will be okay if in the end he prefers to let all these motherf*ckers die in an instant with no mercy and no regre-

And it could even happen that Yugo loses someone important in season 4... (The same way I will lose my mind.) Hope that never happens, I just swear to god-

Anyway, Yugo fans, unite and brace yourselves.

[fellthemarvelous]

Staged and Good Omens: The discontinuity of a story within a story within a story.

I'm watching the third season of Staged again right now, and I think I've figured something out.

The discontinuity that people are talking about of Good Omens 2.

Staged 3 was a very modern version of A Christmas Carol. Ep 1. Is there a version? (David and Michael work with Simon again) Ep 2. Who's Playing Who? (Scrooge, episode was a farce) Ep 3. Past (Michael and David are co-dependent af) Ep 4. Present (Michael and David fail to write a script) Ep 5. Future (David tells everyone they are doing a live show) Ep 6. Knock, Knock (Simon gets even, ending is sad but not really because they are just taking a break and breaks don't last forever, and Simon gets a job offer based on his script for Knock, Knock, the one story he didn't write.)

The epic trainwreck that is David and Michael's live version of A Christmas Carol is actually a hit, but everyone else has to convince them to stop the show because it can't go on forever. So they end it with Michael and David agreeing to take a break from working together even though it makes both of them sad.

But the whole premise of Staged was that everything was filmed on iPads, computers and cell phones. And it was submitted to Simon so he could piece it together.

Simon Evans wrote Staged as a love story between David and Michael. Simon writes what he sees and finds ways to incorporate fiction into reality. He saw them on Good Omens together and he saw the chemistry between David and Michael, and he turned it into a comedy about these two eccentric actors who clearly love each other. And they agreed to star in it.

They improvised most of it, but Simon laid out the framework of the plot for them to follow, and then he let them be themselves.

The entire show has layers upon layers of meta weaved into it.

Anyway, my point is...

This post is one of several that covers the different ways discontinuity seems to occur during Good Omens 2. The evidence is very compelling.

I'm not here to point all that out because I don't have the strength of some of the meta writers in this fandom, and they're already on top of it, but if we look to Staged as an example, what is the plotline that Good Omens 2 is following?

Good Omens 2 is a modern version of.... Ep 1. The Arrival Ep 2. The Clue (A Companion to Owls) Ep 3. I Know Where I'm Going (The Resurrectionists) Ep 4. The Hitchhiker (Nazi Zombie Flesheaters) Ep 5. The Ball Ep 6. Every Day

What are the stories happening around Aziraphale and Crowley? They're the focal point of season two, but what else is happening?

Neil Gaiman has said that everything means something. They aren't just showing us these things by accident. There is a story happening outside of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship. And we are all looking closely for that person doing a very odd thing just out of sight or objects being moved around without knowing how they got there in the first place.

There was literally an entire scene in Staged where they are trying to figure out who is playing Scrooge and Simon is so anxious that he keeps moving his plant between two different spots in the room. It also ends up with Georgia accidentally planning her own birthday party because David is in Tokyo. But then they cut at one point and you learn David was actually in his bedroom and not a hotel room in Japan and Georgia didn't really just plan her own birthday party. That chaos was scripted. David has to change clothes, they have to go several minutes back in the scene they just did, but as Anna points out, the sun is not in the same place it was when they started the scene. And then Michael loses his shit at Simon and storms off.

You think that's the reason Simon left, but then we get the episode where Georgia tells David Michael wants to write the script and then tells Michael that David wants to write the script. She does it so she can get them alone in a room together because people love watching them argue. They find out she set them up about six hours later. They are hungry and hot and annoyed and mad at her so she gets Simon to come back to work with David and Michael. Simon comes back from cosplaying as a dentist, brings the food Michael ordered hours ago, and sits down to write. Michael gets pissed off at Simon again because Simon forgot the prawn crackers, so he throws his food at Simon.

Some of these are of the past. Some are of the present. They were all filmed at the same time though so you don't know what happened when or why.

These scenes are all cobbled together. They tell a complete story though. The order just isn't exact.

The story we are seeing in season 2 isn't the real story. It was happening around Aziraphale and Crowley, but with them at the focal point, you get a romantic comedy and it distracts you from what's going on in the background.

There is more than one story in season 2. It's basically a jigsaw puzzle that we can try to piece together, but we won't know what's actually happening until we get the much needed context of season 3.

There are clues all over the place in Good Omens 2. The story is being told through so many other methods except for the one that makes the most sense to us because someone doesn't want us to see what's coming, so we get distracted by Nina and Maggie, Jim, Aziraphale and Crowley.

We know Muriel and Saraqael are up to something. We know Shax and Furfur are up to something. We know the Metatron is up to something. What we don't know is where God went. We hear God's voice in Companion to Owls and we hear God's voice speaking through and with Jim when Crowley orders him to tell them what is going on. It ties directly to the first time Crowley and Aziraphale ever worked together.

We know that Aziraphale is going to Edinburgh and he knows exactly where he's going because he and Crowley have been there before. It challenges the concept of good and evil because Crowley does the good thing and gets sucked into Hell. Right next to Gabriel's statue.

We know that Aziraphale picks up a hitchhiker even though he doesn't want to, and it turns out to be Shax. She reminds Aziraphale of the time that Furfur caught them working together. There were zombies and human magic tricks and Aziraphale uses sleight of hand to save Crowley from being dragged back down into Hell again.

The episode titles of Staged 3 all represent different chapters of A Christmas Carol. But it was more than that because Michael is upset with David for doing adverts without him after they were both asked to work together at first. They love each other and they love working together, but it's preventing them from doing other things they want to do. Hence the break from working together.

It's a story within another story within another story.

And I think that's what we are witnessing in Good Omens. Things aren't happening in the right order. Beyond the sadness of Aziraphale and Crowley splitting up, there is still the next apocalypse to deal with. The story we are getting in season two isn't happening sequentially. It's being manipulated to hide the signs that things are already underway by giving us a love story as a distraction.

And it works very damn well. Because the love story was beautiful.

Staged 3 ending

Good Omens 2 ending

[eastsideofthemoon]

Celebrating Black History Month

Captain on the Bridge: CAPTAIN MICHAEL BURNHAM

Seasons 4 was our first full season of Michael as captain (finally)! So I'm reflecting on things she did that stood out to me. Also, it's Black History Month! She's our first Black female lead in a Star Trek Series and our first Black female lead captain, played brilliantly by Sonequa Martin-Green.

1. The Queen of Chaotic Ingenuity

Michael is a master of thinking on her feet. If a plan goes awry, she can course correct on the fly (bars). Honestly, we've seen her do this throughout Disco, but as captain, we especially see it in the season opener, Kobayashi Maru, with the Alshain (aka The Butterfly People). When their re-contact mission goes sideways, Michael is able to identify that there is an issue with their navigation and work with her crew to come up with a solution while being chased and shot at.

The Alshain did not report the problem, but by providing them a solution - no strings attached - Captain Burnham was able to win over their trust with the Federation.

2. Collaborator

I love how Michael respects the expertise of her crew and encourages their involvement with problem-solving. Having personally been on teams where collaboration was encouraged, it does a great deal in boosting team morale, building teamwork, and communicating through action that the individual team members' skills and ideas are valued. This is seen best in Anamoly and Stormy Weather. It's also seen with how she suggested to Book that he talk to Dr. Culbert. As a counselor, he's more equipped to manage Book's mental and emotional state after losing Kwejian.

3. Recognizing the needs of her crew

"All In" was one of my favorite episodes this season. The fun, the action, and Owosekun getting to shine. One of my favorite scenes was seeing how Michael responded to Owosekun's outburst with Saru from a previous episode. Instead of choosing to double down with additional punishment or verbal reprimand, she saw an opportunity to allow Owosekun to do more in her service to the mission at hand.

O: Why bring me?

M: Saru told me about what happened at the subspace rift. How you didn't want to stand down when he told you to.

O: I was totally out of bounds. I apologized to him.

M: I know. I also know how it feels to want to do something. Anything. And how it feels when you can't.

Michael recognized Owosekun's actions didn't come from a place of rebellion but a place of wanting to do more to help. Michael found an opportunity to allow her the space to fulfill that desire and utilize that drive.

Also, allowing a place on her ship that provides mental and emotional support for the crew via Dr. Culbert becoming the ship's councilor is the sign of a leader that cares about the whole health of her crew. Yes, I know other captains have had a ship’s counselor. The point it Captain Burnham does too and it deserves recognition.

4. Balancing her heart and duty

Captain Burnham had the challenge of being the supporting partner to the man she loved, who lost his entire home planet while maintaining her commitment to Starfleet. And she did a stellar job. Yes, she loves Book deeply and was willing to do all she could to help him. But when he went rogue, she chose to stay committed to the course of a peaceful first contact, despite it putting her at odds with the love of her life. Furthermore, when she thought Book died (Sonequa gave one of the best performances in Star Trek), she was still able to see the mission through, despite her heartbreak.

5. How she handled the Magistrate

Although empathetic to their plight, Captain Burnham still set clear boundaries with the magistrate about WHO has the authority, what WILL happen while on HER ship, and some food for thought when they arrive to wherever they find refuge. And she didn't have to raise her voice to do it. One's ability to yell at subordinates is not a true show of power and authority.

6. The Beginnings of a Diplomat?

Now we know Michael is a Kirk-type captain. And this season, she does not like politics or politicians. But during season 4, as much as she can’t stand it, we are shown that Captain MB may have the makings of a Diplomat as shown best in All Is Possible and But To Connect.

7. Leading a successful First Contact

Captain Burnham led a first contact like none other. A true first contact with serious stakes riding on its success or failure. After successfully getting through the Galatic Barrier (shout out to Detmer's immaculate piloting) and utilizing her (Michael’s) xenoanthropologic skills to investigate the 10-C's home planet, she along with some of the Federation's best had to figure out how to connect with the 10-C. A truly alien species, where universal translators failed to help with communication and who Starfleet had 0 records of. What makes Captain Burnham stand out is her willingness to step out on faith. She led her team on a mission on the 10-C's home planet to find some form of culture context to aid in their ability to communicate with them. It paid off. It laid the foundation for the first contact team and the USS Discovery crew to help understand how to communicate with the 10-C. Also, it should be noted that Michael admitted to President Rillak that she was angry, but we don't see her anger and frustration run her emotions or hinder her ability to command. I've seen people accuse her of being emotional. There's a difference between emotional intelligence and being emotional.

Also, I admire her recognizing when to take the lead and when to be a team player. As already stated, her calm demeanor and unwavering trust in the crew were excellent in helping them get across the Galatic Barrier. But she also recognized that it was President Rillak's voice that needed to be heard when informing everyone that the DMA moved to the Alpha Quadrant. It takes maturity to know when someone else need to lead and humility to let them lead. All of these actions lead to a successful first contact.

Conclusion:

In closing, Captain Michael Burnham is not the same Michael Burnham we met in season 1. In season 4, she has inner peace. She has a balance with human emotions and her Vulcan-trained logic. She knows who she is and has confidence in herself. Her duty to Starfleet and the Federation is matched with joy in what she's fighting for. Captain Michael Burnham is THE captain of the USS Discovery. No one else.

I want to end with this. There's plenty of room for more than one Black Starfleet captain. We can celebrate Sisko, Burnham, and Freeman in a way that respects them all. There's no need to pit them against each other. They all matter and are important in representing Black people in the future.

Happy Black History Month

[perfectmanisperfect]

after reflection on shadow and bone season 2 i am not a hater i am a lover. yeah maybe the book storylines are messy but the show was phenomenal. freddy did so amazing like i could go on for hours. and daisy as genya was everything. the crows my beloved i would do anything for them. seeing wesper on screen yeah i was kicking my feet giggling. i need season 3. we must get them renewed. i’m not even mad about what they did with alina (except for the white hair i’ve been talking about that since season 1 i need it) like i’m not a mal fan so you go girl. this is not saying archie didn’t do a phenomenal job like he had me rooting for mal (never saw that coming) but like imagine what they can do now. i’m a supporter. do whatever you want show i’ll be here. tolya and tamar were perfect and nikolai finally grew on me (the tv version. book nikolai is my favorite character live laugh love KoS duology). yeah i’m just excited for the potential about what can now happen with ice court and alina like i do love her dearly i’ll take more always. the books and the tv show can exist separately and they can both be amazing. GIVE ME SEASON 3. oh my god i can’t even speak on kanej like i was on the edge of my seat i adore them. i do want to say i believe david is not dead they can’t do that so early. i’m holding out hope idc he’s coming back.

i just really love the show and this cast and i don’t want to lose them. there’s no time for being upset there’s only praise for amazing performances and seeing characters i adore brought to life.

[1-800-imagines]

kidnapped | jay halstead imagine

authors note : takes place in season 3 episode 1 

warnings: medical trauma, pregnancy, kidnapping

You were currently on bed rest from work as you were 6 months pregnant with your first baby. Voight had decided to put you on “time out” from work even just at the desk, answering calls. Your pregnancy was considered high risk and no one was messing around. Your job was stressful considering the different situations you all had been put in. 

Jay was especially worried about you. He had asked you to marry him just before you found out you were pregnant. So your days consisted of wedding planning and texting Kim, Trudy, and even Al to try as see what was happening  in the unit because Jay wouldn’t tell you anything. 

The doorbell rang so you went to walk to the door. Your stomach dropped when you saw it was Voight. He had a strict no contact policy with you these last months of pregnancy but the rule was you only would call him when you went into labor and he would only call you if something bad had happened. And now he was in person. 

You opened the door immediately, “What happened?”

He sighed and walked in, “Jay’s been taken. By Derek Keyes, a heroin kingpin.” 

Your knees began to buckle as he spoke. Hank reached out and grabbed your elbows to stop you from hitting the ground. 

“We’ll get him back, sweetheart. But you have to come into protective custody.”

All you could do was nod as he helped you to the car. You were numb, not knowing how to feel. Jay was the love of your life and soon to be father of your child. 

While driving, Voight filled you in on the details on how he had been in contact with Derek Keyes and that Jay was still alive, which was the main thing. There was a negotiation being made but they didn’t want to tell you the details. 

Hank escorted you all the way to the bullpen, but was going on a drive. You honestly didn’t question it. You were sitting at Jay’s desk instead of your own while Al made a phone call, “I know you’re on the outs, but I figured you’d want to know. Jay’s been kidnapped.” There was a pause, “Yeah she’s here but… yeah yeah… she’s on bed rest.” 

You looked over to him and he gave you a soft smile as he hung up, “We’re gonna get him back, sweetheart.“ He put his hand on your shoulder and squeezed gently. 

They had told you that the drop was set for 9am the next morning which meant more waiting. 

All you could do was just sit at the desk and try to hold your tears in. 

Finally, around 8am, Voight came back asking about the CI files that were for the exchange. He then asked for Burgess to do the drop as Keyes wanted a female but Adam protested. 

“I’ll do it.” Lindsay’s voice echoed from the stairs. Your head turned towards her. 

Voight began to argue with her but Erin shot right back, “This isn’t about me. It’s about getting Jay back to his family.”  

She glanced your way and offered a small smile. She brushed her hand on your back as she walked towards Voight’s office. 

After that, things were a blur. With Erin getting ready to make the drop and your overwhelming worry for Jay, you were a wreck. Erin was going to the drop while Burgess and Roman stayed with you. 

When everyone finally left, you broke. You were sobbing so hard you couldn’t breathe. Kim just wrapped her arms around you and held you. 

Suddenly, you felt a stabbing pain and you gasped out. “What is it? What is it?” Kim asked, looking you up and down. 

You felt something dripping between your legs thinking your water had broke so you looked down and gasped when you saw it was bright red. 

“Roman call an ambo.” Kim ordered as she pushed your hair back, “It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Call Will.” You gasped out. It only took moments after that for you to start losing consciousness. 

The next thing you heard was Kim trying to rouse you and the paramedics saying all different medical terms. 

“Jay,” You groaned out, not remembering that he had been taken. 

—

The gurney was being wheeled out and you into the trauma bay. You were completely unconscious. 

“Patient is unconscious. Suspected from blood loss. Heavy bleeding still happening. BP skyrocketing.” The paramedic spouted out. 

When your gurney was parked and you had been moved to the bed, Will came running in, “Status?”

“Dr. Halstead, we need you to get out of the room.” A nurse said softly. 

“No! What is the status?” Will argued. 

The doctor working on you began to preform an ultrasound, “Potential partial placental abruption. We either need to deliver this baby or get control of the bleeding.”

“You can’t deliver her. She’s only 6 months.” Will said, finally going to your side and giving room to the doctors. 

Before the doctor could answer, Burgess came running back in, “They found him. He’s alive. He’s on his way here in an ambo.” 

Will sighed with relief, “Start with a blood transfusion, betamethasone and dexamethasone.” 

—

The next thing you knew, you were waking up in a hospital bed. You looked around to see Jay sitting in the chair next to you, holding your hand. 

“Hey,” You whispered. 

Jay sat right up and squeezed your hand. He looked awful, “Hey sweetheart. You and the baby are both fine.” He smoothed your hair back. 

“You look like you should be in a bed too,” You smiled lightly. 

“Technically I am. Right next to you.” He grinned. 

You looked over and saw an empty bed. You shook your head at him, “Always the rebel, huh?”

He stood up and kissed your forehead, “I love you so much.”

“I love you.” You leaned against him. 

“Hey, look who’s awake.” It was Will talking, he walked in smiling. “You had a partial placental abruption. Most likely due to stress. We gave you some medicine to help develop to baby’s lungs and brain develop in case we had to deliver him early.”

“It’s a boy?” You smiled, tears slipping down your cheeks. The two of you had been waiting to find out the sex of the baby. 

“It’s a boy.” Will smiled. “Sorry for ruining the surprise.” 

Jay smiled and hugged Will, “Doesn’t matter. You kept her safe and my little boy inside so he can keep growing.” 

“Also, I hate to say it, but, you’re going to have to spend the rest of your pregnancy in the hospital. It’s too much of a risk to have you go home.” Will said. 

You nodded and put your hand on your stomach, “Whatever it takes to keep me and my boys safe.” You looked at Jay and smiled. 

[snowblossomreads]

Day 3: The Snowball Effect

Pairing: Eli Michaelson x StudentFem!Reader

Summary: [Y/n] goes to her professor in need of a lesson of how chemical reactions work. They opt for a more practical demonstration.

Tag(s)/Warning(s): age gap, student/professor. dubious moral, oral (male receiving) and a wild usage of the prompt (throws holy water at myself)

Word Count: 2.1K

A/N: @deepperplexity I want to apologize for the way I used this prompt. 🤣It's a reflection of me as a person and I am flawed LOL. Thank you for understanding. Now lets get to the story while I go get some help 🤣🤣

MDNI

A different way to describe a chain reaction as he told [Y/n] was to imagine a snowball going down a hill and accumulating more snow as it went down before finally accumulating enough to cause an avalanche.

He explained to her that she should focus on how the snowball rolling down hill was the initiation of the reaction, followed by propagation - it accumulating more snow as it rolled down the hill becoming an avalanche at the end and finally, the termination of the reaction. When the avalanche finally comes to a stop and loses all its momentum and forward energy. That's how he said she should think about it.

After the explanation, he asked her if she had any more questions as she had stared at him with a bit of a confused twinkle in her eye. And something more.

"Dr. Michaelson-."

"Eli dear call me Eli."

"Eli I've never seen snow before. I think I might need a more practical example of this."

Who was he to not oblige his pretty little undergrad who had come to him for help?

"A practical demonstration you say? Well you're in luck," he drawled, a hungry grin on his lips as he eyed the woman sitting across from him who was shamelessly rubbing her thighs together already, excited for what was to come. "It just so happens that I was going to add one of those practical demonstrations to my syllabus. Mind helping me see how effective it is in teaching?"

She didn't even have to think about her answer as she popped up from her seat quickly and walked around the desk to his side only to find him rubbing his already freed cock that had an angry red looking head that seemed ready to burst.

When had he had time to do that?

Never mind that she was more interested in the demonstration as he had so called it as she dropped to her knees in front of him. Maybe she shouldn't have worn the skirt considering how seasonally cold the floor was. She should ask him to turn on the heat next time knowing he would probably continue to insist on her wearing something well…accessible.

Turning his chair so that he was facing her and she was facing his cock, Eli removed his hand from himself before directing the kneeling woman to wrap her hand around him firmly but not too tightly.

"That's right wrap your fingers around it and feel free to squeeze oh that's it," he hissed as her cooler digits did as he commanded causing his hips bucking up at the temperature contrast. The contrast of temperatures brought an interesting sensation that was not at all unpleasurable as his cock twitched at the feeling.

"Good girl that's right, now go ahead and move your hand up and down and keep that grip of yours," he directed in a low grunt as she did as he told her.

"Like this sir?" She asked with a tone of innocence as she began to pump the thick member with a practiced paced that he wondered if she had been practicing with any of the boys in her class.

No no, he kept her occupied enough.

"Exactly ah fuck you learn quick don't you," he praised letting out a loud sigh of pleasure to let her know how much he was enjoying the hand job.

"Now open that mouth of yours and lick all around the tip, don't forget the slit ugh fuck yes that's my girl…then I want you to fuck your mouth with my cock can you do that?"

"Yes sir," she answered with no hesitation as she bowed her head, fingers still pumping his pulsing member before she was flicking her tongue around his tip and tasting the warm velvet flesh.

She tested the waters with light kitten licks around the head and small kisses before dipping her tongue in the sensitive slit that had Eli grabbing the arms of his chair and thrusting upwards involuntarily.

"Ugh Uhhn!"

Someone was sensitive today she thought briefly but she had no qualms about that as she continued doing as he had told her. She did enjoy hearing his grunts and groans as she alternated between rubbing his slit with her thumb, smearing him arousal and licking him clean. The salty tang of him was addicting as she swallowed the liquid each time it touched the tip of her tongue and soon enough she was sucking him off with her cheeks hollowed and noisy moans leaving her.

She bobbed her head up and down on his shaft while her hands grabbed at his thighs for purchase as she took more of him down her throat with each pass of her lips. Over and over wet gags filled the room along with expletives coming from Eli who was letting her do all the work of demonstrating his practical explanation of what a snowball effect looked like.

Though she wasn't sure if they were quite there yet.

"Fuck that's it use that little greedy mouth, fuck naughty little thing," he praised as she moaned and gagged on him yet went to take more until she was burying her face in his lap at one point.

It drew out a loud elongated raspy groan from the older man as he sat upright suddenly from the shock of pleasure that filled his veins. His sudden action caused his cock to slide deeper down her throat than she was prepared for causing her to almost choke. Yet she held her composure only letting out a loud whimper as he began to lift his hips up slowly thrusting into her already stuffed mouth.

"Oh god I'm enjoying this, ugh so much fuck gonna come in that little mouth of yours," he loudly grunted as his hand found the back of her head and began to push it down in tandem with his thrusts. "Don't swallow do you fuck understand? It's essential you keep all my semen in you mouth when I come!"

"Mhmmh mhmm!" She could only hum her understanding which only caused his cock to feel like it had hardened even more in her mouth at the vibrations.

That only meant one thing, and within in a few more moments of thrusting he came with a noisy shout of her name as as his sticky salty seed began to coat the inside of her mouth.

It was so much that she was scared he might drown her with it as he had told her not to swallow and she was keen on obeying. Thankfully he must have known how much she could take as he was pushing her off his cock only to have a few spurts paint her face causing her to let out a garbled whine.

She held her mouth closed though as she watched him lean back on his chair. Hair and shirt disheveled, face red and sweat beading on his forehead from the exertion of well...having her give him a blowjob for the sake of education.

"Now come sit here," he panted out pointing at his lap. "Open your mouth and let's see if we've collected enough of our test sample."

Scrambling up from the floor, she quickly planted herself on the knee of his spread legs before opening her mouth showing the pearly liquid that she held in her mouth.

Humming in approval at the sight, Eli ran his hand up her body before giving her tit a nice firm squeeze causing her to shut her mouth and groan at his touch.

"Excellent, with that we can do the actual demonstration, all you need to do is kiss me to start the reaction, oh you like the sound of that don't you?" He teased when she let out a low whine at his direction that was accompanied by him squeezing her side causing her to make another squeak.

"After that you just need to deposit our sample into my mouth, and then I'll give it back to you, and we'll do it oh about five times should be enough to get the point across. We can redo it later if we need to try again. Now come on let's get to work."

Hand cupping the back of her head and pushing it forward without warning, Eli pressed his lips against the woman's harshly licking at the seams of it before she was opening them and letting his cum slip into his mouth.

He groaned at the taste as it was now mixed with her saliva making it even sticker as he added his own before swapping it with her again. It was a messy process and [Y/n] was sure there was a bit running down her chin but it didn't stop her from letting him spit the substance in her open and waiting mouth before she was adding more to the mess.

They did this five times as he instructed, each time the ball of saliva and cum mixing before it was back in [Y/n]'s mouth causing her to puff her cheeks as the volume of liquid had indeed increased with them swapping it back and forth.

Taking a pleased look at her, Eli swooped down and gave her one last kiss before commanding her to.

"Swallow."

She did with a barely audible 'gulp' as he watched with a devious smirk plastered on his face.

"And that's what we call a snowball effect, I think it's a great way to teach don't you think?"

"Mhmm, but I think we may need to retry it.”

"Really and why's that?"

"Well Eli I think the sample loss some of it's volume due to human error," she pointed out, though her voice took on a teasing tone as she swiped some of the cum that had landed on her cheek and proceeded to suck it off her digits. His eyes followed her movements and he let out a soft groan, shifting in his seat as he felt his cock twitch at her salacious action.

"And I want to make sure I have a concrete understanding. Can't let my professor down now can I?"

Smirking at her 'reasoning' the older man could only let out a amused laugh before his hand trailed down and squeezed her ass causing her to moan and push herself closer to him.

"Such a studious student Ms. [Y/n], well then, let's repeat the expriment and see if we can improve our sample collection technique."

A/N: I just I'm so sorry LOLOLOL. No actually I'm not 🤣I hope u guys enjoyed this unhinged mess.

[charlywrites]

Requested by anon

Request; Can you write a photographer!reader x soft!daniel where you have been tired lately due to jet lag and uploading content and daniel notices it and takes her to his driver's room to cuddle up until quali and smiles how she's peaceful in his arms

Warnings; overworking, lack of sleep? but overall, it’s a fluff fic.

Note; crying at the thought that we might never see Danny racing in a F1 car after this season,, losing Sebastian is enough, I can’t lose him too 😔

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

You loved your job more than anything- you could even say that you were married to it. Being able to combine your two passions into one singular job was quite literally a dream but it was incredibly demanding and exhausting as well.

It was your first job within F1 and any experiences you had gotten before didn’t prepare you for the amount of work you’d have. The good thing was that work didn’t discourage you when it was something you were truly passionated about.

In all honesty, it felt like you were never stopping, when you weren’t taking pictures during the weekends, you needed to work on uploading them to your laptop, sorting them all, editing them when it was needed and finally, you’d send them to the medias managers.

If you had to be honest, it wasn’t rare to find you awake at 3 am, still glued on your laptop. It was your first season working for an F1 team, while it had been months since you started working for McLaren, you were still struggling to get used to the countless of flights from a country to another.

While it hadn’t been too much of an issue until recently, it seemed like your lack of sleep combined with the jet lags were starting to take a toll on you. But as long as it didn’t affect your work, you could deal with that, at least that’s what you kept saying to yourself.

It wasn’t a rare sight to find you yawning or rubbing your eyes, sometimes you would mix up some words too but that happened only when you could barely keep your eyes open, just like today.

Yesterday had been a good day for both McLarens which wasn’t something the whole team was used to- while it was only two practices, it lifted everyone spirits and made you all hope for a good weekend. The weather had also been good, which allowed you to take a good amount of pictures- you didn’t get more than two hours of sleep that night

And today, it was easily noticeable, showing up with your dark sunglasses to hide your lack of sleep was already a hint at your sleepless night but what truly gave it away was how you were stumbling over your own words. Everyone in the garage noticed it but none of them said anything, they knew how dedicated to your work you were.

However, Daniel wasn’t seeing it this way anymore, he was worried for you and your health- it couldn’t keep going like this, you needed a break and a good amount of sleep. Thankfully, next week wasn’t a racing one, he was hoping to convince you to take a small break to finally rest.

When you saw Daniel coming to you with a frown on his face instead of his big gummy smile, you knew it was going to be about your tiredness, “ hey Danny, that wasn’t too bad for the last practice, how do you feel about quali?”

“ Don’t know, hopefully we can make it to Q3. But that’s not what I want to talk about right now.”

“ I know.”

“ You know I hate when you don’t get sleep, it’s not good for you.”

You sighed, knowing how right he was, but you couldn’t really help it when you were caught up by work, you didn’t see the hours go by, “ it’s okay, i’m fine. I’ll get some sleep tonight.”

Daniel didn’t seem to be convinced in the slightest, hell he wasn’t sure you would be able to stay awake until the evening, “ bullshit, let’s go take a nap right now.”

“ What? You literally have quali in like three hours!”

Daniel shrugged, his smile finally appearing on his face again, “ I don’t care about it, what matters is that you get some rest.”

“ Maybe you can do that but I’m going to be in trouble if someone finds out I was taking a nap instead of working.

“ No one will know, besides my driver’s room is private so there’s no chance of someone seeing us.”

As you were going to argue back again, Daniel loudly sighed, which stopped you from speaking, “ god, you’re even more stubborn than me! But you know what? I’m not giving you a choice, we’re going to take that nap.”

Daniel was lucky you loved him, otherwise you would have kept arguing until he was the one giving up- but with Daniel, it was hard, how could someone resists his smile and lovely personality.

A small nod in agreement was enough for Daniel to grab your arm and lead you out of the garage, heading to the McLaren’s facility- you had barely the time to grab your bag containing your trusty camera and tools you used, you never left it somewhere far from you, afraid someone would accidentally drop your expensive materials.

You had barely secured your bag on your shoulders that Daniel took it from you, insisting that you didn’t have to carry the heavy bag. In the meantime, the hand he hand on your arm slid down until he was holding your hand, leading you to his driver’s room.

It was quite a short walk, especially since no one came in your way to talk or ask questions. As soon as you were in his room, Daniel put your bag in a corner of the room- it wasn’t big but enough to still feel comfortable in the room.

“ Do you want me to leave? Or should I stay? What do you prefer?”

You softly smiled, you were touched that he wanted to be sure you were comfortable with him being around, “ it’s your room Danny and people will ask more questions if I stay here alone.”

“ Fair enough, do you, like, want to change in something more comfortable?”

“ I didn’t bring any change, it’ll be fine like that.”

“ Well, I do have the clothes I came with, I barely worn them and my sweater is very comfortable.”

You laughed at how cute Daniel was but also at his poor attempt to make you wear his merch, “ are you trying to sell me your merch?”

“ Never, I’d give it to you for free.”

You weren’t too sure what to say besides being thankful for him and his kindness,“ yeah, your sweater sounds nice to sleep in.”

Daniel directly went to his locker and took out his white enchanté sweater- as soon as he gave it to you, he turned around to give you enough privacy to change in a more comfortable outfit to sleep.

“ You didn’t lie- it’s really comfy, I love it.”

Daniel turned back to you, guessing it meant you were done changing, the sweater was a bit too long for you but it gave it a cute look that Daniel loved, “ it looks better on you than on me.”

“ I might have to steal it from you.”

“ I don’t mind as long as you go to sleep now, else you won’t have enough time to rest.”

“ Okay, okay,” as you slipped under the blanket of the bed, you noticed how hesitating Daniel was, probably not wanting to overstep, “ join me?”

“ Are you sure?”

“ Of course.”

Daniel didn’t think twice before joining you in the bed, which wasn’t huge but still large enough for two people, yet he almost instantly opened his arms, offering you cuddles to fall asleep.

Basically rolling yourself into his arms, you smiled at how comfortable this was- being able to peacefully fall asleep, safely wrapped in strong but gentle arms, “ thank you.”

Daniel didn’t answer- he didn’t have to. However, to let you know he heard you, he laid a kiss on the top your head, enjoying the moment as much as you did, maybe even more.

Unlike you, who fell asleep minutes later, Daniel stayed awake for a while, smiling to himself at how peaceful you looked while sleeping in his arms. He liked having you in his arms and he would be lying if he denied wishing this could happen every nights.

He knew you couldn’t help it, you had gotten used to prioritize your work over your sleep- he respected the passion that fueled you every single day but it wasn’t healthy anymore. Daniel promised himself to do everything he could to change that.

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Blood Washed Away

Summary: Javier Peña x Fe!Reader -> You first met Peña when you transferred to Columbia with Messina. You made friends with Agent Javier Peña but what happens when you join his team and he discovers he almost loses you?

Disclaimer: Angst, descriptions of blood, bruises, fire (although not too deep). Sprinkling of fluff, mostly takes place in season 2 and season 3. Does not have too much with the main plots of Narcos other than mentions of the Cali cartel and Escobar. No particular time line. A made up case (Robbins). Angst background. Co-workers to friends to potentially more. {If any of this is triggering to you, please do not read on - this is your warning}

You first met Peña when you transferred with Messina. You had been her secretary at the time although you did have experience in the field. That was what was most shocking to Peña and Murphy at the time. This woman, who walked past them every day, stamping files and organising meetings whilst the hem of her skirt breezed around her knees and her heels clicked against the cold floor, had been one of the best agents in the FBI. 

You had started out at a small precinct before moving into Major Crimes. From there, you climbed the career pole. There weren't many people like yourself; a woman. But you proved yourself. Your bosses, although male, saw your potential and saw you more than just an object of desire. Their bosses, however, didn’t. But after they watched you take down three of their ‘best’ men, they thought it over again. 

You had found yourself as Messina’s secretary a year and half before the transfer to Columbia. And after spending the next year or more in Columbia, you were itching to get back in. 

You were a good cop. And, for what it was worth, you liked your job. You didn’t know how much longer you could take staring at files and seeing people rush around you, ignoring some of the other cases. 

So, on Peña’s first day hunting the Cali cartel, he was more than surprised to find you already at your desk and not in your usual blouse, skirt and heels combo. Rather, you were dressed in boots, dark jeans and a shirt. 

Somehow, it was the same words, just different font. 

Peña called your name as he saw you, a stack of files in your hands, open. 

“Why aren’t you with Messina?”

“New job. Figured you could use a friendly face.” You smiled, closing the files in your hand before handing them over. “Couple calls came over the radio this morning.”

This was when Peña spotted the licenced gun attached to your hip. 

He’d never seen you with one, let alone touch you. 

“You’re an Agent?”

“Don’t sound so shocked.”

“No, no. Just…surprised. When did you…” 

Peña didn’t know what to ask first. Get training? Get a gun? Join the DEA? Quit being a secretary? 

You smiled softly. “I was a Fed before I quit and became a secretary. But, I wanted back in. The board allowed it and here I am.”

“To babysit me?”

“No, well…not intentionally.”

The next few months were tough but having you by his side, knowing that there was someone to turn to when he didn’t exactly know which call to make…made it easier. 

You had become friendly back in Bogotá. Of course, he tried flirting at first but that was quickly shut down when you told him all he needed to do was ask. 

Of course, some things couldn’t be pulled without Messina’s approval but since everyone had been desperate for the capture of Escobar that it was truly only highly classified information that couldn’t be accessed. 

Over the course of your stay in Columbia, under Peña’s ruling, you had both grown closer. You trusted each other and, eventually, one night as you both sat in his office having a drink, he felt comfortable enough to ask you why you had left the FBI. 

“You haven’t looked at my file?”

Peña shook his head as he took another drink. “Didn’t seem fair.”

“You're my boss.” You pointed out.

“Technically.”

You sighed, looking at your honey-coloured liquor. 

“Messina mentioned something about Seattle. You'd be transferred.”

You nodded. “I wanted out. I’d been leading a case and it had been going on for months. It felt like every time we got close, we were further than when we’d started.”

Peña knew a thing or two about that. 

“Anyway, we tracked the guy to Seattle. He’d been going from state to state until finally he came right under our noses. Anyway…”

The memories came back to you for a moment, but Peña waited for you to continue. 

“Anyway, it turned out it had been an inside job. What we thought was just five bodies, turns out - it was closer to 25.”

Peña thought about it for a moment after the initial shock. The case sounded familiar to him. 

Then it hit him. 

“Robbins.” 

You nodded. 

The case had been all over the news. How bodies were covered up by a Fed. How the murderer, Robbins, had gotten away with it for so long because he was the ME on the job. 

“But the officer-“ Peña paused. 

It had just been a rumour in the media but nothing was ever confirmed. Most of the public had taken it as the truth.

“I needed out of the game for a while,” you told him. “And the agency needed to make sure there was no one else in the office working on the case.” 

“So how did you end up with Messina?”

“Friend of a friend.” You told him. “She was looking for a secretary and I had taken a couple classes back in college. Plus, I came ready trained. I got the job and didn’t look back.”

“But now you’re back in.”

You nodded. “But now I’m back in.” You raised your glass in the air and Peña followed suit. “To the game, may we beat these bastards before they beat us.”

“Ditto.”

Both you and Peña downed the rest of your drinks and eventually, you both went home. It had been a long week and you both needed a break. 

A few months passed by before shit took a turn. 

Of course, there were plenty of dangers that came with the job. The main one was putting your life on the line and in the clear to be shot. Or worse. 

But maybe that was just the job. Risk your life for others so others don’t have to. So this game can be over before the bastards get you. 

You had been with a witness. They’d been one of the people who could get you to the Cali men. But- 

Sat in his office, Peña kept his eyes trained on the case files in front of him. Was the pile actually growing bigger? 

He took a final drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out. He shuffled some of the remaining papers as he stood before walking over to his file cabinets in his office. 

For a moment, he thought he heard his name called but everyone had already gone home to their families or their beds. 

But when the voice sounded closer, although still as quiet, he looked over his left shoulder and did a double take. Or maybe his eyes were registering to the sight of red. 

You were covered in red. He couldn’t tell whether it was yours or somebody else’s. Dirt was under your nails and you had gravel scars across your palms. There was a small hole in the knee of your jeans. Where you had empty spots of blood, ash covered them. 

Your name escaped his lips before his mind could even register it was you. 

You raised your hand a little bit then you saw the blood and the dirt and the scars. A whimper escaped your lips before you looked at Peña. 

“I- I went to a farm when I was a kid and- and I saw them slaughter a- a pig. There- there was s-s-s so much,” you swallowed thickly, “blood. B-but I-I-I didn’t - others were scared but I-I - it was natural. A girl- I forget her name but she-she fainted. They-they went down like bricks. There-there was just - blood. I didn’t- I didn’t expect- and I’ve seen people-“

Peña’s hands gripped your face, causing you to look at him. Your voice was unsteady, your whole body was shaking either from panic, adrenaline or fear. Maybe all of the above. 

Whilst you had been talking, Peña had been checking you over. Some of the blood was yours but you were alive. Alive and terrified. Alive, terrified and shaking. He needed to calm you down.

“Hey!” you went silent as you registered him in front of you. “Hey, look at me. What happened?”

“They knew where we were. They- I should have seen them.”

That was when another agent, less covered in blood, but still the similar look of fear on his face, ran inside. 

“Stay here.”

“N-No. Don’t leave.”

Peña looked at you, his eyes, as much as he tried to hide it, held nothing but sadness and sorrow. He’d seen you deal with all the assholes and he’d heard stories. You were always brave. You were always the one there for him. The one who would come in when he had spent too much time letting the job get to him, physically pull the papers away from him, pick him from his chair and push him out of his office. 

“Just because you’re doing stuff by the book this time does not equal burning yourself out. Come on, we’re getting drinks. Or food. Whichever one is open.” You would tell him. You’d grab his jacket from the hanger and lock his office behind him. You talk the case over with him. And, even if it was half way through the meal and 2 in the morning, you’d go with him when he solved something. 

“Alright, let’s go,” you’d reply. 

But seeing you like this…his heart broke. 

“I’ll be there. I’m not leaving you.”

You nodded, seeing where he was pointing and let go of his arm. Slowly, he walked over to the other agent, however his eyes still went back to you as he did so and as he continued to talk to the agent in front of him. 

“The medics, they wanted to keep her there but she didn’t want to stay. She needs a hospital but she wanted to find you first. She told me to wait but the medics-”

“Okay, just…leave the bag. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

The agent nodded, dropping the bag by the table. “Do you know what happened?”

“Not yet, Sir.”

“Well, find out. I want to know everything. Do you know who’s making the calls to family?”

He mentioned a couple other agents but some of the members who were left, Peña said he’d cover them. 

“We’re still trying to find addresses and numbers but once I’ve got them, I’ll drop them by your desk.”

“Right, okay.”

After that, the agent left. Peña picked up the medical bag before walking back to his office. You stood in the same spot, examining your hands. It was like it was still happening. You were seeing the car behind you tailing, then the lights and the sound before the car tipped. You were pulling yourself out before helping your informant. The driver was already gone. Your head was spinning. You helped them stand and then- blood splatter. Bullets. Your witness was dead. There was fire everywhere, bullets flying back and forth. You emptied your canister but you couldn’t remember why, just yet. 

“Hey, look at me.”

You looked at Peña. 

With gentle movements, he helped you sit down before he pulled out a chair for himself and opened up the bag. You were mostly silent as he cleaned at your open wounds. You’d need a hospital to examine your head and make sure you don’t have a concussion, though both of you knew you probably did. And whiplash. 

The cuts didn’t seem too deep but he cleaned them out as best as he could. Over the slightly deeper one’s he placed a gause and some tape. He couldn’t get all the blood off you. You’d need a shower. 

“Let me take you home.”

You gave no protest. Just, taking his hand in yours, he helped you stand. 

After leaving the office, you don’t remember much of the ride. The smell of burning tires still hadn’t left your nostrils and you were fearful it never would. It was as if you could still feel the heat on your face from the fire. 

Javier helped you into your apartment, locking the door behind you. And he helped you throughout the night. 

You trusted him as he did so. 

His hands were gentle as he helped you undress from the blood soaked clothing. It had left its stains against your skin. By the time Javier helped you into the shower, he watched as the stains fell into the shower drain, but there was still some reddening around your body. 

Bruises. 

Gently, he pushed your head under the water, letting the water run through your hair, the ash from the smoke now following the blood. 

He looked around for a moment before catching your eyes. It was silent communication. You had already silently said it was okay for him to help you undress and get into the shower, and now you were saying yes for him to help you some more. 

It was a little awkward at first. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt you. So, with care, he massaged shampoo through your hair, being sure to not let it drip onto your face though you didn’t care. In that moment, you were numb. Numb from the blood and from the explosion. Maybe a little pain is what you needed to remind yourself that you were alive and human. 

You scrubbed yourself down as best as you could, the bruising still tender across all of your body. 

Stepping away from the shower, Peña pulled the soft and warm towel from the radiator before holding it out. You stepped out of your shower and allowed him to wrap it around you. 

He didn’t care that your hair was still wet, although thankfully now clean. He didn’t care if his shirt was wet or his arms still had bubbles from the shampoo that had splashed across him. All he cared about in that moment was you. 

You were safe. In his arms, you were alive and you were safe. 

He held you close to him. Your face lay against his chest and his arms came around you to just hold you. He placed three kisses on top of your head, one to your temple, one a little higher and the final on top of your head. His hand held the back of your head whilst the other went straight across your back. He pressed you a little closer. 

Resting his chin on top of your head, he closed his eyes for a moment, letting the moment soak in. He could have lost you tonight. He could have never seen you again and never have been able to hold you as he was in that moment. 

Neither of you knew how much time had passed before he helped you squeeze the last drops of water from your hair and left you in your room to change into your clean clothes. But, some of it felt too long. Like when he wasn’t with you. 

But, by the time you stepped out of your room, your bare feet padding across the floor and into your kitchen, you found him standing there. He was wearing a fresh pair of clothes. You knew he kept a spare set in his car.

“Here,” Javier pulled out a chair from your kitchen-side island, “sit down.”

You nodded, thanking him quietly. “Are you cooking?”

He looked from the pan, to you and back again. “Oh, yeah.”

“Didn’t know you could cook.”

“Well, don’t say that yet. This might be bad.”

He was making frittata from what you could see. It didn’t look too bad. 

“Thank you,” you finally managed to get out. You’d been thanking him the whole night, in your head at least. But…saying it out loud opened the gates to you talking about what happened. But it was inevitable. “for helping me. I- I don’t know-”

Javier shook his head. “Don’t thank me. I might…I might be your boss but I’m also your friend. I was your friend before I was your boss.”

You nodded. 

“You should drink something, before you dehydrate.”

You nodded and before you could move, he already placed a glass of cold water in front of you. You thanked him again.

“Plates?”

“Top cupboard, to your left.”

Javier looked up before opening the cupboard to find a stack of plates, bowls and pasta dishes. He pulled two plates out before halving the dish and sliding the pieces from the pan and onto the plates. 

After that, he placed a plate in front of you before handing you a fork. 

“Don’t judge me too harshly.”

You took the fork from him with contemplation. But, as you took a bite, you looked back at him. 

“You can cook.”

Javi smiled back at you when your mouth curved a little before you went back to eating. Minutes passed by and neither of you said a word. You could both hear the noises of the outside streets from the window. Some people were still awake, others were in bed asleep. 

But, as the more time passed, the more you felt the adrenaline die down. You also found yourself talking about it all to Peña   before you’d go to sleep and forget some aspect. 

“It can wait until tomorrow-”

“No, I- I want to tell you before-” before you dreamt of it when you fell asleep? Before you woke up and it turned out you never made it to the office? Before you realized none of it was real and you hadn’t made it out of the car in the first place? 

So, you told him everything you could remember. You’d checked all the mirrors, every 15 seconds. You looked around the buildings every 40. There had been no one. 

Until there were multiple. 

“It’s not your fault,” Javier told you. “You did your job.”

“But I should have- I should have known.”

“They got us this time, but we’ll get them. Sooner or later, we’ll get them.”

Not too long after that, Javier helped you towards your bedroom once more before making sure you were in bed. Except, before he could leave, you grabbed his hand. 

He stayed with you that night, laying beside you. He watched your hand squeeze his back as he took your hand back in his. He tailed his eyes from your hand, up your body to where you were breathing, to your neck. Though he couldn’t see the pulse, he wanted to make sure it was still there, and finally to your sleeping face. You looked so calm. So at peace. 

It was going to be tough, he knew that. But, he couldn’t think of anything else other than you in that moment. How, the difference between the shooter's bullet would be the difference between him lying by your side, watching you breath in your sleep and watching your body be rolled away by the coroner to be examined. He doesn’t do funerals, but yours - in Columbia - would be the exception. 

But he didn’t want to think of that. He couldn’t think of that. 

All that mattered was that you were alive, and you were safe and you were with him, beside him. 

One way or another, he’d get the bastards and he’d be sure to get them before they got him and definitely before they got you. 

[breezybeej]

so Faith huh

Loses her family, loses her watcher, loses everything. moves to Sunnydale, falls in love with Buffy starts making friends again but her past trauma and growing sense of self-defeat cause it to fall apart. She sees the world through the lens of death. Her role as the Slayer is to slay things and so she does, both literally and metaphorically. in this, she gains a father in The Mayor which gives her a sense of fulfillment but the cost is her humanity and she betrays her role as a Slayer (allegedly protecting humanity). and guess what! she fails him and loses him as well. and she doesn't even die about it. She does not get to complete her role as a Slayer and die in battle.

she spends 8 months in a coma experiencing shared prophecy dream space with the person who foiled all of her plans, getting killed by her over and over. she watches her father figure die again. she wakes up from this hell and receives the will of the mayor. The only man we ever saw her look up to tells her that her life is over, everything sucks, you might as well go out with a bang, babe.

so she tries to do that. this crazy plan of swapping bodies with Buffy and upending Buffy's entire life just like her own. Make her lose everything. but even as she tries this she becomes Buffy she sees what it's like to have friends who care about her, a guy who actually loves her beyond the physical, she finds meaning and purpose in the act of slaying, she answers her calling the way she was always meant to.

and then she loses it all again

she becomes actively suicidal and tries to goad Angel into killing her. Instead, he shows her that there is meaning and purpose to be found in repenting for your past crimes. The same way that he's been doing for All of the bad shit that happened without his soul. just like he said to her in season 3, "we are very similar."

This is the same shit happening to Buffy now. she is losing her friends. Xander has a 9 to 5 job and he's getting married so he just won't have time for her anymore. Willow is falling deeper and deeper into this hole of scary magic she might not come back from. Giles doesn't even know if he wants to be in Sunnydale anymore. Buffy is still grappling with how her job as a slayer is an existential threat to her friends. she lost her mom, she almost lost her sister but she died in the line of duty as a Slayer and was rewarded with paradise. however it was taken away from her. she is living in hell now and is a hair's breadth away from being suicidal like faith was because everything is overwhelming and she's failing repeatedly and she has no greater purpose. she can't even go back to college which was her aspiration before all of this happened. she can't even die properly, The one reward for saving the world from demons and all of your burdens being lifted from you as you spend eternity in heaven.

it was already obvious The first time around that faith was always lying when she said she was 5x5. it is so much harder now knowing that she was doing the same thing Buffy is now. lying through her teeth to the people that she supposedly loves just so they won't approach her and get close to her vulnerabilities. and it's causing her to crack under this immense pressure of being alone. she is isolating herself because she thinks she's no good for anybody.

We even have the similarities that the brunette Slayer is working with the brunette vampire to help herself and the blonde Slayer is working with the blonde vampire to help herself. I will be shocked if Spike is not the one person who's able to prevent her from going over the edge this season. I mean it's almost obvious because she's isolated herself from everyone else and no one knows how bad it is because she will not let them in.

I already know it's too much to hope that there's any mention of faith in this season. just as much as faith became Buffy when she was open to the Scoobies and Riley and a fulfilling slayer role, Buffy is becoming faith as she pushes those things away. she even brutalized a demon she had already killed in her basement the way Faith did in one of the early times we saw her slay something.

Whateva. It's fine. I'm fine about it. none of this matters because The Three musketeers of dork ass nerds Make me so mad that I can't think straight so I have to get these ideas out before I watch any more of the show.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

NATASHA ROMANOFF (Marvel Cinematic Universe) (CW: Forced Sterilization)

1.) Was reduced to “chick who fights” and wasn’t given any characterization at all outside of that up until Winter Soldier, the third movie in which she played a major role. Her sideplot in Age of Ultron revolved around dating Bruce, whom she apparently related to because she felt like a monster for not being able to have children (we’re never shown why she actually wants them, it was the first time she’d ever mentioned it), she was the only original Avenger to die before the final battle in Avengers: Endgame and her death was mostly used to give the other male Avengers a reason to fight on. Most of the movies she was in, she spent in a cat suit that was halfway unzipped. I think there are maybe four movies in the entire MCU where she interacts with another named female character. In general, she’s a super interesting character who was super underdeveloped despite being in a ton of movies.

2.) Due to being forcibly sterilized and not having a family of her own, she concludes that when someone has to sacrifice their life For The Greater Good^tm, it should be her (who has spent the past few years as a –if not The– leader managing the security of a superpowered, post-disaster Earth), instead of her guy friend (who has spent the past few years committing war crimes while hiding from his entire support network) because he had a family (that disappeared due to Magical Scifi Bullshit and Might come back if they succeed on their quest) that has been fully capable of supporting themselves while he’s been away secret agent-ing in the past and aware that he might not come back one day from his dangerous job.

Out of universe, there was very little merchandise of her (even in group shots) and it took ages for her to get her own movie in the Everyone Has Their Own Movie Or Three franchise.

3.) She was fridged to upset all the men in endgame and didn’t have a word spoken of her after her death unlike Tony who got a whole funeral.

CORDELIA CHASE (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/ANGEL THE SERIES) (CW: Pregnancy)

1.) (downs an entire bottle of vodka and slams it back on the table) SO. CORDY. Cordy started off as a supporting character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At the start she was your typical high school mean girl character, but as the show went on we got to see more depth to her character: her insecurities, her courage, her capacity for incredible acts of kindness. Then after the third season she moved into the show’s spin off, Angel, where from the beginning she was basically the show’s secondary protagonist. Her and Angel were the two mainstays of the show’s main cast, she gets the most episodes centered on her out of all the characters aside from Angel (and yes, I’ve checked), and we really got to see her grow from a very shallow and self-centered and kind of mean person to a true hero who was prepared to give up any chance at a normal life to fight the good fight while still never losing the basic core of her character. There were some… questionable moments like the episode where she gets mystically pregnant with demon babies and things got a bit iffy like halfway through season 3 where the writers seemed to run out of ideas for what to do with her outside of sticking her in this romance drama/love triangle situation with the main character but overall, pretty good stuff right? THEN SEASON 4 HAPPENED. In season 4 she gets stripped of literally all agency and spends pretty much the entire season possessed by an evil higher power, and while possessed she sleeps with Angel’s teenage son (who BY THE WAY she had helped raise as a baby before he got speed-grown-up into a teenager it was a whole thing don’t worry about it) and gets pregnant with like. the physical manifestation of the higher power that’s possessing her. it’s about as bad and stupid as it sounds and also is like the third time cordy’s got mystically pregnant in this show and like the fourth mystical pregnancy storyline overall (you will be hearing more on that note in other submissions I’m so sorry). after giving birth she goes into a coma, in which she remains for the rest of season 4 and the first half of season 5. SPEAKING OF WHICH DON’T THINK SEASON 5 IS GETTING OFF SCOT FREE HERE. yeah so in season 5 the show just FULLY starts trying to erase cordy’s existence. she gets mentioned ONCE in the first episode and then never again until halfway through the season where she wakes up, helps out Angel for a bit and encourages him in his fight against evil, and then goes quietly into that good night and dies so it can be all sad and tragic. I’d call it the worst fridging of all time but even THAT feels generous because the whole point of fridging is killing off a female character so a man can be sad, and after Cordy dies basically no one’s even sad about it because the show immediately goes back to pretending she never existed. she is not mentioned ONCE in the two episodes after she dies. in the whole stretch of time between her death and the end of the season she gets mentioned exactly four times. again, I counted. anyway the fun twist to all of this is that all of this happened because the actress who played cordy got pregnant before season 4 and joss whedon was so pissed off about this affecting his plans for the show that he decided to completely fuck over her character and then fire her and write her out of the show. so cordy’s a victim of both writing AND real life misogyny!! good times!!

2.) OH SO MANY THINGS they menaced by giving her terrible hair cuts, making her seem like she’d get together with the guy she loves (and who loves her back) but instead she was killed and when she was brought back, she got possessed by an evil entity who used her body to give birth to itself. afterwards she was in a long coma and died. her character was so throughoutly assassinated

3.) She got demonically pregnant TWICE - there was this real sense of a womb/ability to get pregnant as like, a place for evil to get in. She got positioned as femme fatale and evil mother. The actress basically got fired for being pregnant, and when she agreed to come back for a single final episode she specifically said they could do anything but kill off the character. Guess what happened

[cere-mon-ials]

2023 in kdramas

*that i finished

**in order of how deep and lasting the brainrot was/is from barely a smidge to stitched to my soul

[12] I figured See You In My 19th Life would be trying when I couldn’t understand why an extraordinary individual in her 18th life—18 incredible lives lived over some of history’s most happening centuries—would fixate on one pesky schoolboy. I bought it because (a) Shin Hye-sun was selling it (b) the show tried to make it clear that while she remembered her past lives, it is not the same as living the one she is in. So when the young Ju-won meets Seo-ha, she is still a 12-year-old who happens to fall for a 9-year-old, except she has heightened emotional maturity.

The plot follows Ju-won, who is reincarnated as Ban Ji-eum, her 19th life after her 18th was cut short in a car accident with Seo-ha. Then, the show fumbles its own logic, unable to choose if the real gift is living in the present or remembering how we got there. We are told that Ji-eum is determined to fix the life she didn’t get to live as Ju-won and because Ju-won’s family and Seo-ha are still alive, that’s who she seeks out. She also finds a dear one from her 17th life. The twist is that the 18th life was meant to be a fated reincarnation of two lovers, who in their time—the first life—were wronged. In the end, when the sins are atoned for, Ji-eum loses the memories of her past lives. She is Ji-eum, smart and talented, daughter of an abusive man and born destitute, free of karmic obligations. But who is this Ji-eum? Who does she love? Why are the memories of everyone who knew her as the extraordinary Ju-won/Ji-eum so valuable and hers isn’t? Milquetoast writing and a genuine lack of interesting characters in the rest of the show.

[11] I didn’t finish the first season of Dr. Romantic because I had a violent reaction (derogatory) to Yoo Yeon-seok’s character. I went straight to the additional episode ft. Kim Hye-soo who is ~flails~ and warmed up to this fantastic ensemble, thanks to a YYS-less sequel. Season 3 is ambitious and follows the raggity crew of overworked doctors in a country hospital now coping with its expansion into an elite trauma centre. The show does neither this premise nor the incredible cast they managed to bring back together (at least four of who could demand three times what they were paid in S2) any real justice. It had all the ingredients and an emotional core that is most pleasing to me. Seriously, it was so good: in reaching for the Michelin stars of healthcare, ostensibly Kim Sabu’s legacy, both he and his colleagues find that they may need to reassess what he taught them. Look at the implications. Doldam is a hospital that has run for two seasons on the strength of close-knit interpersonal relationships in ways (some might accuse) hazardous to professional codes. Something's gotta give.

DRR S3 does not trust the emotional tensions that these ideas can provoke and instead, throws in spectacle after spectacle. A bloodbath on a ship carrying illegal migrants, a raging forest fire, a building collapse. And there are villains, written as yangs to yings, in a main character's father played by an actual trash person, and then groan a politician. I mean, the vagaries of ill fortune and death is right there. Isn’t that enough? Makes you wonder just how did Lee-Shin partnership accomplish what they did with HosPlay. Someone who loves DRR’s characters will sit through it. But it’s junk food.

[10] Lee Bo-young is a force in Agency. It's a tried and tested formula: a brilliant creative person with abandonment issues in fantastic clothes. I enjoyed the snippy dialogues, peppered with refreshing metaphor and irony reminiscent of vintage Hollywood flicks. The writing isn’t confident about what it wants to say about an ambitious single woman in a workplace (and other women too including working mothers, women who find no need in dressing up to do their jobs, expert women who still have to struggle when they want to build something). But perhaps you, like me, can let it pass. It is not ideal to fetch a real answer to women’s struggles amidst capitalist excess.

[9] Our Blooming Youth begins with a cursed prince (Park Hyung-sik) and a noblewoman (Jeon So-nee) accused of murdering her entire family joining hands to free each other. Lurking behind is a national conspiracy spearheaded by several degenerate officials who wish to erase a people and their history—interesting that OBY and My Dearest later in the year featured the most marginalised being branded as traitors. The prince and noblewoman (cross-dressed as a eunuch of course) are joined by four young individuals who feel a sense of duty. I adored this band and their shenanigans. The show is kind to the youth in question, to their capacity to chase freedom and friendship. I was moved by such love for characters in this story about nationhood as an ongoing project.

But enjoying OBY means reading in between the lines because the show doesn’t know what to do with its 20-episode length or the depth of its interest in the scars of unacknowledged genocide. I felt impatient and unfulfilled more times than I’d like. I wish OBY was more meaty because it had the opportunity to be radical and chose to be inoffensive. Hyung-sik, very dear to me. So-nee, GOSH. I have loved her since Encounter (2018) and she fills a frame like nobody’s business. If there is such a thing as female gaze, she’s got it. I caught her in the little I watched of Soulmate (2023) recently. A marvel, just like Kim Da-mi.

[8] One Day Off is whimsical and celebrates the mundane in eight chapters following the wanderings of a school teacher, played by the luminous Lee Na-young. Japanese entertainment does discovering minor joys and its everydayness so well that it’s a genre in itself. I have seen it in a handful Korean variety shows too. As a drama, this is new to me and ODO felt special. It giveth in multitudes taking us to a monastery, an art exhibit, a film festival, a planetarium, many bakeries. At other times, it puts us in the middle of a rainy day and ancestral rites and a bus station where the teacher is stuck with condescending boomers. It's lovely.

[7] King The Land benefitted from low expectations of prestige. Junho lovers were tuning in to see him frolic after his Baeksang-winning performance as King Jeongjo, I can’t speak for Yoon-A lovers. The makers wanted to bank on these beloved actors and there is minimal friction between who they are and what they play on-screen. Junho, handsome, rich, kind. Yoon-A, pretty, hardworking, warm. There is a good chance that this show was part of a joint marketing campaign by Dior and Estee Lauder. And also, possibly, Thailand's tourism department. KTL is classic popcorn, easy on the eyes, easy on the mind (save for that irritatingly stupid arc with the ‘Arab prince’), designed to be innocuous. Here’s the thing, though: the cast and crew were not messing around with that dough. They chose to inject this fan + consumer service with an earnest desire to entertain missers of fluff romance. Lee Junho, permanent resident of my heart.

[6] Going in with low expectations helped when I watched My ID is Gangnam Beauty too. Kang Mi-rae is starting college with a new face, having shed her old one at the surgeon’s table because of life-long bullying at being conventionally unattractive. But Mi-rae now has to deal with gossip and judgement about the extents she has gone for what’s deemed as a vanity project. When Mi-rae says that it matters what people think of her, I can't object. It’s because Gangnam Beauty tells a story about familiar feelings and yet, it is also defiantly about Mi-rae. You can walk with her but you’re aware that not all of us walk in her precise shoes, and it’s not about measuring who’s having it worse either. I loved watching her settle into her skin, remaining compassionate in whatever is the opposite of noble idiocy.

Very sweet romance. I may not have noticed Cha Eun-woo if I hadn’t been derailed to the hilt by him in Island—also a show I finished but you will not find it on this list For Reasons.

[5] I wanted to love My Dearest a lot more. It was promising what with Namgoong Min as the perfect Lee Jang-hyun and Ahn Eun-jin as the perfect Yoo Gil-chae. NGM’s ability to smirk in a way that elicits both a punch and a blush is unparalleled. He owns the role of clever playboy merchant who sees the rules of polite society as impositions and who values human life above platitudes. AEJ's Gil-chae is stubborn and witty and audacious and has no interest in anything that distracts her from her desires. I loved them, and that became one of my problems when Part 1 ended. NGM is the perfect Jang-hyun and AEJ is the perfect Gil-chae but I wasn’t able to root for their romance. I never quite got over how the desire that they shared, which war put a damper on before it got a chance to bloom, gets cheapened at the end of Part 1—please read @elderflowergin's excellent post about this. In Part 2, that conversation isn’t adequately addressed but I was there to watch these two actors earn their Baeksang nominations. I found myself willing to move with the tides when Jang-hyun and Gil-chae let each other in after they learn to devote themselves to the people who make their community.

I cannot fault MD, however, on its commentary about how war disrupts ordinary life. There is nothing more moving in the show than the Joseon slaves in Qing singing their songs and harvesting rice, yearning for home while the King and his scholars commit to preserving standing and write these countrymen off. It’s a sharp critique of an upper class that delude themselves about their importance. MD is courageous enough to say that the nation does owe something to its people and the nation must prove itself worthy of sacrifice before it can demand such a thing. I haven’t stopped feeling the pangs of this love letter to a people and their land. The first seven episodes, set during the invasion and in the early days of the Joseon surrender, is real television. It’s what I watch sageuks for.

What else? Great telling of Crown Prince So-hyeons’s story. Lee Chung-ah is captivating. MD would have risen in my heart and on this list if it were more attentive to Ryang-eum. Double amnesia was comically exhausting to watch but I do feel generous now. The first time round Jang-hyun regains his memory because of a tangible article that proved Gil-chae’s love for him. The second time he traces back the arc of his life that spawned enduring memories of love and dreams. He’s not looking to retrieve what he doesn’t know he has lost. He knows he has lost and he is piecing together what he can. That’s a bold note to conclude on by makers who have risen to question the state of a nation in the hands of incompetence and cruelty and obscene pride. The racism is unsurprising—I wish this meant that I had better tolerance for it. I also wish the story knew better than to push Eun-hye to the sidelines. My favourite scene is Gil-chae finding Jang-hyun clawing to life by a string on a pile of corpses and proceeding to play dead while holding him tight to escape.

[4] I kept tuning in to Moving week after week despite my reservations about high school life, superheroes, and gore because it is a feat of storytelling. A rewarding first act, an absorbing second, and a near perfect third. It’s a compelling story on its own about superhero parents who will go to any lengths to protect their superhero children. But it’s also poignant in how it tackles passive peace.

Critiques of the state’s abuse of power often turn fangless in the face of this idea about national security, the notion that secures our future. Writers fumble because they feel forced to provide an alternative: how else do we protect what we must? Moving kills the question by letting you see past that what (national security) and takes you to a who (our children, our literal future). It dismantles the illusions with its central stage as a highly-surveilled school where undercover secret agents observe and train gifted children. The litmus test isn’t going to be the abstraction of a nation. It’s going to be whether our children can grow up, can learn, can be free to be who they want to be, irrespective of talents they may or may not possess.

A state which can’t imagine freedom as such is a failed state and a failed state resorts to joining hands with those who have every interest in keeping us from seeing that we do in fact want the same things as our neighbours. The real world bleeds in when the story of two Koreas becomes apparent. It’s acutely observed in a way that’s trope-y but perhaps not untrue. But the show is more interested in the shared Koreanness, in their love for their children, and for the unimpeachable desire to make their lives better.

Park Hee-soon had me hugging myself from his first frame to the last. Electrifying performance. Han Hyo-joo, oh my god.

[3] My Lovely Boxer was made for me. It’s about Gwon-sook (Kim So-hye), a boxing prodigy who disappeared from public eye after failing to show up for a championship game and Tae-young (Lee Sang-yeob), a ruthless sports agent at the cross hairs of matchfixing. Tae-young has messes to clean, payments to make, and he finds Gwon-sook to bring her back to the limelight for one final game to lose. Gwon-sook wants nothing to do with the sport and Tae-young promises that if disappearing for good is what she wants, then this plan would work for her too. It’s exactly as angsty as it sounds.

The show works because it doesn’t touch a thing that it isn’t willing to gnaw into. It doesn’t merely dangle matchfixing as plot omen—it explores the emotional and economic damages for the sportsmen with heft. Gwon-sook feels no love for boxing but she isn’t the only boxer in the world and that feeling is hardly universal. One of my favourite characters this year is Ah-reum, the opponent of that championship game for which Gwon-sook didn’t show up. That day, Gwon-sook may have chosen to leave the game for self-preservation but she also took away Ah-reum’s right to fair play. MLB is at its best when it navigates Gwon-sook seeking Ah-reum’s forgiveness because therein lies sportsmanship and what it means to tirelessly push your body for a shot at the ring. It’s an exhilarating journey with these two girls because (a) you want Ah-reum to have her moment (b) you don’t want Gwon-sook to lose and let the matchfixing bookers pocket money (c) you begin to wish Gwon-sook could win because she is too good. The stakes are delicious because the bookers are also a tad bit murderous and the final match had me at the edge of my seat.

Lee Sang-yeob was a shock to my system with his intense stare and a thespian interpretation of a man in shades of grey. Sexy bitch. I want to see Kim So-hye and Shin Se-kyung play sisters one day.

[2] Into The Ring tops my list of kdrama romcoms. Nana is a star and the fact that Se-ra cannot walk straight to save her life makes me giggle. She is blunt in the wrong ways, sharp in the wrong ways, and honest in all the right ways. Her heart is big and she has a sense of service to the people around her as though she really believes she was raised by a village. I loved Se-ra’s parents who reminded me of my own in their warmth and clownery. Park Sung-hoon’s Gong-myung is the dream guy: competent at work, loser in everything else. There’s only one kind of valid workplace romance and it’s this: accidentally becoming an elected representative and your childhood nerd friend volunteering to be your secretary to cover your ass. Perfect, no notes.

I happened to be reading Sara Ahmed’s Complaint! around the same time and I think it made me love the show's take on political action more. This is where Se-ra begins, just her and her complaint diary. That early episode where it dawns on her that she wants this job as much as she needs it got to me. There’s much to love in a show that is okay with however small a population she represents, as long as they are fun about joy and serious about justice.

[1] At the outset, Call It Love sounded like the makjang I avoid—a relationship between a woman and the son of her father’s mistress? Turns out, it's possible to tell that story like an accomplished spare poem with meticulously composed frames overdoing headroom and pared down dialogues. In effect, CIL is beautiful to look at and inviting to spend time with. This is kdrama caviar. Debut writer Kim Ga-eun has a gift for writing loneliness and solitude as not mutually exclusive to being a loved and loving person. She’s drawn comparisons to the extraordinary Park Hae-young who is the master at this sorcery. To my mind, the comparisons hold merit in subject but they operate with different intentions and styles. I hope they meet one day and I get to be a fly on the wall.

I was struck by how Lee Sung-kyung played Woo-joo as the responsible middle child, the one most burdened by the timing of her family’s collapse. The show is about her revenge but often, you see her struggle with the coldness this demands of her. She cannot resist what comes easiest to her and that’s her ability to see people having bad times as a reflection of the times, not the people. It's why she can forgive the aggrieved man who harms her, and why she tidies Dong-jin’s ex’s house while the ex is recouping from the heartbreak of losing the same man she is falling in love with.

No one has gotten the allure of the quiet guy, the shy guy, the good guy who is too awkward to be nice like Kim Young-kwang has. Dong-jin knows he has to work very hard to keep up with the pace of the world. He knows his mind but is afraid to impose it, because he doesn’t think it matters and because he doesn’t want to be a bother. Young-kwang just gets that line between clarity and low-esteem. I will never forget his teary eyes and total submission to loving Woo-joo in the single word he lets out with a hitched exhale. He slouches a lot but he will look you in the eye when he has to say something he doesn’t want to repeat. I loved him for that dignity. Special kisses to him for ditching neck ties.

It is true pleasure to see two male leads, majestic and towering in physique, composed to look tiny and frail. At one point, the costume department steps up Woo-joo’s wardrobe as her feelings intensify and it doesn't come across as a makeover. It is presented as the ordinary consequence of paying attention. I loved everything and everyone. The siblings. The ex-girlfriend, the bad mother and also, the generous & kinda clueless one. The stepfather who lingered, the best friends, the loyal & competent manager lady. Favourite kiss.

*

I am currently watching four dramas: A Good Day To Be A Dog (cute & fun), My Demon (silly & fun), Park's Marriage Contract (testing my patience), and Tell Me That You Love Me (relishing but for some reason not investing). I missed Not Others and The Eighth Sense when they were airing and they are the two shows from 2023 that I am adding to my watchlist. I am looking forward to 2024 because we seem to be getting at least one release from several greats and beauties. See you then! I hope no one emails you for the rest of the year and you eat well.

[lewishamil10n]

went through your chores choreman tag, and it opened my eyes to the possibilities. in the past, I mostly focused on hilson and huddy and whatever wilson and cuddy are called but never the fellows. you have correct opinions on valewis and middle-aged men being not normal about each other, so you are definitely right about choreman. tell me more about choreman, please, bc your taste? impeccable.

hi! so first of all

you have correct opinions on valewis and middle-aged men being not normal about each other

is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me, thank you :')

ok coming round to your ask — i feel you because one my first watch i didn't care abt choreman much, all my focus was on hilson and huddy as well. hell, i didn't even like chase till midway through s3 lol even though foreman was my favorite since episode 1.

second watch though, is usually when i notice the smaller details, and the funny thing about choreman is that i am damn sure all of it is entirely unintended. which is fine! the writers paid more attention to hilson/huddy, chameron got some attention (though not a lot), and then foreteen became a thing too. but if you're paying attention only to chase and foreman, it's a RIDE. which i am putting under a readmore to be considerate lol

so season 1 starts off with foreman being the newest member of the team. it's clear they get on fine in the beginning — we see them having lunches together, chase answers foreman's questions about house's insanity, etc. but by the time the vogler arc starts, it becomes clear that foreman, in all his judgy glory, doesn't actually hold a very high opinion of chase; he obviously thinks chase is a spoiled selfish nepo baby who doesn't care about his job. when vogler wants them to fire someone, foreman's vote is for chase. and then he's sort of proven right when chase goes behind their backs to help vogler. from that point onwards the lunches together and jokes become snark and derision, and it's obvious they're not friends.

season 2 is more of the same, pretty much — until euphoria. i can't emphasize enough how meaningful that moment is, with chase and foreman's dad in the chapel. it's really such a small moment, especially at first glance. foreman's dad doesn't know how to talk to him; he's religious, he's got a spiritual perspective on everything (including his wife's alzheimer's) and foreman doesn't. on top of that foreman clearly doesn't visit his family much. he's not very religious, and this seems to be a bone of contention between them. it's clear rodney cares about his son a lot; he just doesn't quite know how to express it. he finds chase in the chapel (as we know from s1, chase is religious too, to put it simply). chase, who has recently lost his own father, who has been watching rodney do his best with his son while his own dad never bothered, has very simple advice. "tell him you love him." barebones, straightforward, and that's exactly what rodney does. when foreman is at his worst, his father holds his hand and says "i don't want to miss you" and that is what gets through to foreman. and it's such a little moment! but it means a lot for foreman and his dad, and it goes a long way to show that chase does understand foreman better than anyone thinks he does.

season 3. things begin to change. it turns out chase is working in the NICU as well, because apparently his shithead of a dad cut him out of his will for reasons we never find out. the tritter arc happens. tritter plays chase, and everyone easily accuses him of betraying them. unsurprising due to the events of s1 but sad because it's obvious chase has changed. chase's frustration and exhaustion at being singled out is clearly visible. none of them are friends, but chase especially tends to be singled out; he's the butt of most of house's jokes, cameron finds her daddy issues jabs hilarious, and foreman mostly ignores him. chase and cameron start an fwb arrangement. foreman loses a patient and begins considering leaving ppth. house sabotages him. chase, who understands people better than anyone thinks he does, figures it out. tries to talk about it with foreman, except foreman — who is ashamed — cuts him off and tells him "i don't like you. i never have, and i never will" which obviously takes chase aback. he refuses to write foreman a recommendation letter. house bullies foreman more than usual. chase stands up for him and gets himself fired for the trouble. foreman leaves. cameron quits.

season 4. foreman has no choice but to return to ppth. surprise, chase and cameron never left either. initially foreman seems annoyed to see chase, especially since chase is betting against him, but chase doesn't give a fuck and continues hanging around foreman. foreman sort of lets it happen because sometimes in life you just have to pick your battles and he's already dealing with house and the fellowship hunger games. the infamous exchange between house and wilson happens ("foreman seems protected. maybe he's gay." "does he become an idiot around chase?") which honestly sums up their entire relationship development pretty well. but we'll get to that. s4 is quite short due to the writer's strike that was going on at the time, and ends with a whopper of a double episode that still makes me cry like a little bitch. at the very end, when everyone is dealing with the aftermath of amber's death, we see foreman sitting alone in a diner booth — until someone places a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. he looks up, smiles, and moves aside to make place. it's chase. he and cameron join foreman for dinner. just like old times, eh?

but something's changed.

season 5. house and wilson are temporarily broken up, which house deals with very normally. as in he hires a PI to stalk wilson and also be his substitute bff. the PI digs up dirt on everyone — except foreman, who is squeaky clean. this should be a good thing. to foreman, it is not. everyone calls him boring so he goes off to find chase like AM I BORING???? and chase is like. um. yeah? though you're not so much boring as intensely repressed. then again you do have a tattoo so what do i know. foreman's rationale for asking chase is that chase doesn't care about him enough to lie to him. still, Means Something that when he wants an honest opinion, he goes to the one guy he claims not to like at all. foreman gets offered a clinical trial. thirteen is in it. she's on the placebo. foreman, who's begun dating her, is in a Dilemma. who does he go to for advice first? you guessed it; the guy he claims he'll never like. they have lunch together, and chase tells him not to be an idiot. foreman, establishing a precedent he will continue to act upon for the rest of the show, is an idiot. more stuff happens which i will not elaborate upon. suffice to say they're clearly friends now, despite whatever foreman says because, as established, he's an idiot. also, many scenes of chase and foreman having lunch together. as people that hate each other do.

chase gets engaged with great difficulty and a very Healthy ignorance of the dynamics of his own relationship. foreman "kidnaps" him and gets drunk at his bachelor party, chase gets drunk too, and foreman wraps his arms around him from behind and convinces him to have one more shot. chase is holding a stuffed kangaroo and leaning into foreman. it's all very ... you know. colleagues. yes. then chase licks a stripper and goes into anaphylactic shock, because that's just how his life is. when chase is being wheeled into the hospital, he begins to tell cameron about the party, and foreman, who claims not to give a shit about him, quickly puts his oxygen mask up to shut him up and save him from cameron's wrath. fun times. s5 failmarriage bachelor party you will always be famous.

and then. whoo boy. season 6. s6 my absolute beloved. chase kills a genocidal dictator. or, if we're being pedantic, commits actions that directly lead to his painful death. foreman finds out, confronts him. he's the head of department because house doesn't want to be. this is a high profile case. it's his ass on the line. chase tells him why he did what he did, and asks that if foreman wants to call the cops, at least let him know so he can tell cameron first. foreman considers this, goes "naw" and, acting upon the previously established precedent, covers up the murder. in s5 he was at risk of losing his license; here he's straight up at risk of jail. it's all gucci though. friendly reminder of his insistence he doesn't give a fuck about chase. anyway. chase suffers from obvious ptsd and confides in foreman as they examine some dude's long decomposed remains. foreman covers for him when cameron begins getting suspicious. chase tells cameron and she, while previously a-ok with murdering the dictator, is now all GASP. HOW DARE. HOUSE HAS CORRUPTED YOU. DIVORCE! DIVORCE FOR YOU FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS! chase is understandably upset. foreman is like "i get you dude i just had a breakup too ://" and chase is like be SO for real right now. s6 goes on; chase fits in well with 13 and taub, and it's clear this team is actually friends. including foreman and chase.

also. the karaoke scene. wilson pays house's team to take him out with them so he can stop thirdwheeling him and sam. everyone does so individually; chase and foreman do it as a pair. foreman even negotiates a higher fee; presumably to split with chase. they do karaoke together. looks very much like house is thirdwheeling yet another couple. they have fun, though.

season 7 is the season of the famed chastity belt episode. episode 1 itself starts off with shenanigans, as these two along with taub and 13 try to acquire a neurosurgeon. cuddy wants them to hire a female doc to replace 13. chase hires a hot woman whose resume he fundamentally misunderstands. foreman bullies her because he's mad house didn't ask him. chase is like "can you like, not?" and foreman is like. "shit. you right. ok, i will not" and sticks up for her. doesn't matter, she gets fired anyway. the takeaway is that when foreman is power tripping and chase calls him out, he actually listens. as in, pays attention and values chase's opinion and then corrects himself based on it. they've come a long way. they have a lot of fun moments, like playing rock-paper-scissors to see who has to babysit masters; chase being the world's worst wingman to foreman at a wedding; chase whining to foreman that he didn't get put on a billboard and foreman calling him a pretty boy and a swimsuit model. as one does.

stuff happens. huddy break up. 13 comes back. she's real sad because her honestly? her life kinda sucks i can't lie. masters leaves. they get a patient who won a lottery. chase and foreman get into a discussion where chase is like "well you're worried what it means for the hospital that cuddy's mom is suing house and cuddy, so obviously this means you're repressed as fuck." foreman is like "you're HORNY" and chase is like "am not! i am Going To Wait For True Love now." it's a bet. chase has to try to get a rise out of foreman. no one knows what's at stake here, since they don't discuss money, favors, or anything else changing hands. foreman does say, out loud, in front of God and house and country, that if he wins he gets to put chase in a chastity belt. no one is fazed by this. no one is weirded out by this. no one finds it strange. probably it's a given to them all that foreman constantly wants to dom chase. he does it enough in the workplace anyway. nothing new there.

(they both lose the bet, by the way.)

more stuff happens. huddy break up some more. house gives her living room a nonconsensual renovation. house becomes a temporary part of the US prison industrial complex.

season 8 starts off with many changes — foreman is now dean of medicine, and there's no diagnostic department. taub has fucked off to new york, and chase is off surfing somewhere. 13 has found herself a girlfriend. good for her! but then chase and taub come back. two new fellows join the team. foreman tries to boss house around. it goes as well as you'd expect. chase tells him off for being too restrictive and bureaucratic now. foreman is like "shit, you right" and lets them do whatever they want to the patient. chase gets the right diagnosis. the day is saved. this is their first case back.

more little moments. chase and foreman hang out at taub's house while foreman ruminates on the ethics of his relationship. chase plays peekaboo with babies while taub stews in his own jealousy. it's cute, honestly.

then chase gets stabbed, and foreman, for lack of a better word, panics a little. in that he literally can't figure out whose fault this is, so the obvious solution is to get someone else to make that call. he calls in his old mentor. he knows that if it's his fault, he will be fired. he blames himself a bit, wondering if he should've reined house in more. it's ruled to be nobody's fault. chase, reacting in a Normal and healthy manner, starts sleeping around again, then falls in intense Like with a nun. foreman disapproves. the nun ditches him after a religious experience on the surgical table. chase is sad until house yells some common sense into him, and he returns to the team. they get a case with a little girl. chase finds out the little girl's mum is experimenting on her. next scene is literally foreman interrogating the mum while chase stands behind him like they're some medical crime fighting duo. that'd be a fun spin off actually.

treiber, a pathologist who's got beef with chase, gets sick. house and wilson have fucked off to have a grand adventure. everyone panics. foreman tells chase to stop fucking up the case, but also doesn't take him off it. chase puts his entire pussy into solving the case, and decides to leave the team. foreman tells him "about time", indicating he's thought for quite a while that chase has outgrown the department, and is capable of running his own. they hug while a soft romantic song plays in the background. their scenes are cut with those of house and wilson. not sure who the romantic song applies to; probably both pairings if the lyrics are any indication. listen to it here.

more stuff happens. house fakes his death to drive off into the sunset with wilson. foreman is like, i know JUST the guy to replace him!! and hires chase back, the natural conclusion to chase's arc as a doctor. this is a job that foreman has failed at before, and he is trusting it to chase. they've come SUCH a long way. by the end of the show, not only do they respect each other immensely as colleagues, they are close friends who give each other's opinions a lot of weight, and also they are literally parallels to house/cuddy by the end.

also foreman wants to put chase in a chastity belt. there's that, too. may he one day realize his dream. amen.