#WHY DO MY GAY MEN ALWAYS END UP SEPARATED

[paper-lilypie]

ok but that kid Mobius couldn’t prune was Loki right. like, that was Loki right. The brothers at the dock. That was Loki and Thor right. It was Loki

Mobius couldn’t kill Loki, chose his burden, and dedicated his life to him instead.

Mobius’s story started and ended with Loki. It had to be Loki.

[derfpossessions]

Rented You Out - Part 1

Ever tried on a suit? Perhaps borrowed someone else's? Or you could've gotten it from a Suit Rental? Well let me tell you about a story of a man, whose body LITERALLY got rented out. So grab your ☕️, grab your 😸, because it's about to get WILD from here, well at least for our main boy.

Meet Denholm Gauthier, the 18-year old boy in 12th Grade, ready to graduate in a few months, but still have no decisions towards what to do in his life. He is a well-loved and kind student at his high school, and as the leader of the Football team and President of the Student Council, oh he's got it all. Plus, he's the class Valedictorian. So why is he such in a lost position? He had always seeked purpose in his life, though no one seemed to give him a damn since he's literally a privileged, handsome white dude. Everyone's got their own shit. To everyone's surprise, Denholm once mentioned that he didn’t want his life AT ALL, to which everyone got outraged about, saying “WHY NOT?!?”. Well, with this story unfolding, I guess I can say he found his purpose.

Chapter 1: Kidnapped

And so we begin. It was psychology class and the classroom was having a heated debate about the human mind and body. It escalated between the nerds too much that a fight could’ve broke out but thanks to Denholm it was de-escalated fast.

“It’s fine Mr Watkins, this topic was a bit controversial if I’m going to be honest with you. But I believe that our human minds are its own unique ways, and one could never be another person.”, he stated as he made the others calm down.

“Well that’s what you thought.” The quiet kid said. His name was Stanley. He’s the kid that sits in so much envy while watching Denholm rise up in the podium of popularity. He was always jealous of him. He wanted to live like him. Heck, he wanted to be him.

“What was that bro?” Denholm politely asked. Stanley didn’t replied, so Denholm’s just shrugged it off and packed his bag.

Lunchtime was up, and Denholm ate with Markus, who’s his childhood and best friend. Denholm long knew then that Markus likes other men, but Markus never really showed him that he wanted Denholm to be more than friends. Though with that said, Denholm is a very liberal person, and of course, a straight ally, which is not what Markus wanted but more than enough to keep them as friends.

“Hey bro! What’s up?” Denholm excitingly said to Markus.

“Nothing much, just tired of life as always.” Markus said.

“Why’s that so? You have friends and family!” Denholm replied.

“Well I don’t want this life. So stressful and so pressured. I wish I could be just as charismatic and attractive and NORMAL as YOUR life!” Markus said with a raising voice.

“Wha… is that what you feel about my life?” Denholm was shocked. Markus raised his voice on him again, which he typically does to cover his feelings of desire towards him. It’s really hard for a gay man like Markus to try and not fall face flat with his feelings towards straight boy hottie Denholm.

“You know my life isn’t easy too. I wish I could live as simpler as any other person.” Denholm sighed.

“Oh I’m sorry..” , Markus said. Denholm hugged him, and so the feelings came in again. Markus’ manhood was rising a little bit high that time, but not too high for Denholm to notice. It was almost like Markus wanted to kiss him on the spot, but he didn’t forgot his dignity and so he didn’t do it.

There was a student council meeting afterschool, so Denholm had to leave the last period early. While walking down the hallway, he saw a black van parallel parking in the lot. It was quite peculiar to see a car parking at that time. He wanted to investigate it but was running late for the meeting, so he ignored it.

The meeting had finally ended. Denholm separated with his classmates because his locker was at the other exit of the school, and now, he’s secured from the hands of evil. “I love you.”, said by Denholm to his girlfriend as he leaves the school through the back exit. As he was leaving, the black van he suspected earlier, was open. He was grabbed by two men wearing balaclavas and shoved him into the backseat.

Denholm tried to talk but his voice was muffled caused by the tape on his mouth. A silhouette of a teenager was seen from the car mirror, but that teenager quickly turned it away to get prevented from being seen. Helpless, Denholm tried everything he can to get unleashed, but it was no use. The two men started injecting something on his back, it wasn’t a syringe, rather a sharp wired material that penetrated his spine, and later his whole body. As he was agonizing in pain, the kid from the front seat was giggling, enticed to see the pain Denholm was going through. They then started to dig down his back even further, almost as if they were cutting it wide open like a zipper. As he can no longer tolerate the pain, Denholm passed out from exhaustion.

Chapter 2: I Am My Bestie

Nightfall came, and Denholm’s parents were very worried. His girlfriend along with his father seeked help from the police, to which they saw the van that took him away. Markus, who thought that the men might have put Denholm captive at school, drove straight there during the night.

To by his surprise, he saw Denholm lying down in the locker room. He screamed, “DENHOLM!!” As he tried waking him up. He tried to lift his body upwards but noticed something strange. His body was a little lightweight.. almost hollow.

As Markus went to see Denholm’s face, his eyes looked… empty. Something wasn’t right. It only took a matter of time until he discovered that Denholm had a huge rip on his back, with a little switch attached to his neck. Markus kept shrugging Denholm to awake him but there was no use. He then examined the rip, and accidentally opened it, which revealed Denholm’s insides with literally nothing in it. Just a hollow mold.

“My friend’s… a bodysuit?!?!?” Markus started to panic. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what he would tell to Denholm’s parents. So he kept trying to wake Denholm up, but he’s no longer there. There was only one choice. If Denholm WAS an empty suit for someone to wear, then someone must wear him for the meantime, and who would that be none other than Markus. “I’m so sorry, I love you.” Markus started to tear up. He then stripped off his clothes. He started to insert his legs and feet into Denholm’s empty body. Markus was a bit larger than Denholm’s so it was a tight fit. the warmness of the insides then slowly binded Markus’ legs onto his. There was no turning back. Next, he put on the torso, and leaned Denholm’s head forward for now. It was almost complete. The last thing to do is to put on the head. As Markus was putting Denholm’s face like a mask, it frightened him too much that he started suffocating. In the outside it looked like an expressionless Denholm but you can hear Markus grasping for air. He eventually fell to the groubd and passed out.

The next time Markus woke up, he was at the floor. His body was glistening with sweat, or should I say, Denholm’s body. He tried to get and up and looked around, then exhaled to see that he can breathe again. His breath smelled like Denholm’s, which shocked him a lot. He paused and saw the mirror, with Denholm reflecting back to him. “De..Denholm??”, Markus said. The voice still sounded like Markus wearing a mask, which was muffled, so Markus adjusted Denholm’s face to fit his even more. And so the face finally locked in. “Denholm??” He said again. This time the voice sounded EXACTLY like Denholm. He started to rub his new wavy hair, and touch his new skin in his face. He also noticed his eyes even changed. Rubbing it through, he no longer has curly hair or dark skin, and his smell noticeably also disappeared, revealing a musky, bold smell from Denholm.

He admired Denholm’s hair, torso, biceps, and stroked his 6.8-inch dick. He then started putting on his clothes, and covered up the switch with a bandage. He looked at the mirror again and said, “Sorry Denholm, baby, but I need to drive you for now.” and kissed goodbye to his reflection in the mirror.

Now that Markus holds Denholm���s life, it was time to tell the news to Denholm’s family. Going home a bit excited, he rushed into Denholm’s house where a worried mother and father rushed in to receive him in open arms. “We missed you so much honey!”, Marta said to her “son” while embracing him. Markus felt a wholesome rather never-before feeling at that moment, as his parents were divorced and was put into care by his evil grandparents. This experience has become a chance for Markus to feel the life he deserved to have: a loving family, popular, charming, spoiled, everything that he ever dreamed of. Besides his sexual desires in the love of his life’s body, it was a chance for him to enjoy a new life of his own.

Chapter 3: Denholm Slayy

Morning came and Markus woke up refreshed, and opened his phone to see that he still has Denholm’s face while looking at the front camera. “Good morning, babe”, Markus started teasing himself. Suddenly something raised from under the blankets. Markus felt aroused by Denholm’s morning look so much that he decided to have a little bit of fun before getting through his day.

He let out a quick moan as he started grabbing onto Denholm’s elastic manhood. And there he unleashed loads and loads of cum which splashed through the whole bedroom. He didn’t even gave a damn into how he’s gonna clean all that mess. Then he admired himself in the mirror then started kissing it. “Oh I wish you were fucking me like this baby. Such a slay”, Markus groaned as he breathed in great intervals. He was having the time of his life.

“Babe??? Babee, I came to pick you up!” that was Paula, Denholm’s girlfriend, picking him up to go to school. Markus got alarmed by this. How was he supposed to clean all that cum on the wall? He quickly got up from the bed and took a dirty shirt from the laundry to wipe off all the stains from the walls and floors. Then he put on a shirt before opening the door. “Babe! What took you so long?? Also why are you not dressed yet we’re already late!” Paula said. “Sorry babe, got a bit hazy from last night that’s all.” Markus replied. “Well if you want to talk about it, we can spend the day together”, said Paula as she seductively touches Denholm’s cheeks. “No it’s alright, besides you have a test today and we must put our studies first right?”, Markus said while feeling anxious. “Ok! I’ll wait for you downstairs while you get ready.” Paula replied.

“Babe babe… Babe my ASS.” Markus side-eyes Paula as she left. “You know Denholm, you don’t deserve this annoying slut!” Markus said while berating Denholm’s reflection in the mirror. “This is why I’m GAY! UGH! If only you were mine… But for now, I am you. I will make the most of it.” Markus said while getting dressed. He put on a new bad boy look for Denholm, compared to the plain shirts that Denholm used to pull off with. Markus did a grin in the mirror as he admired his ideal look for Denholm.

“Oh daddy, you’re really such a fine person. I hope we get to bond more like this again.” Markus sighed. He then headed off to school with Paula.

———

It was now the afternoon. No one has seemed to have noticed that Denholm was being controlled by another person, as Markus has studied every single inch of how Denholm moves and speaks, which counts to the amount of obsession he has towards his homie. But there was one person that wasn’t convinced by the act though. While walking down the street, Paula confronted Denholm/Markus. “Babe, is everything alright? You seem distant.. detached today…”. Markus started to get nervous again, not knowing what details to say to her. “Babe its nothing.. look, I’ll head home now. Maybe I just needed a rest.” He replied.

Markus was finally back at Denholm’s room. It was now late at night. He took off his clothes and decided to lie down. “Maybe I should… do it again..” As Markus tried to stand up, suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was suffocating through latex. He then started gagging until he choked. It was the suit. He tried leaning on to something, but eventually the sweat that accumulated the suit made him trip down and struggle to get up. It felt like he was about to die, something was crushing him from the inside. Desperate, he tried unzipping off from the suit, which worked perfectly well. Markus finally got out of Denholm again, after over a day of using him. Both of them were covered in sweat, with Markus hyperventilating as he stared at Denholm’s lifeless body.

[zodiyack]

Closed Doors

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x (nonship)daughter!Reader, Shelby family x (nonship)Shelby!Reader, Best friend character x fem!reader lol

Warnings: slight angst, fear of homophobia?, fluff, mention of drinking

Words: 414

Request: Hi! I was wondering could you do a pesky blinders fic where the reader is Tommy’s daughter and is gay but too afraid to come out until he finds her making out with her best friend one day (much like your Tommy’s son fic but with a lady?)

Note: oh god i haven't been able to write for a while, and im posting this on mobile (also meaning it'll take a bit to put it on my master list) regardless i hope it's okay. I also forgot who all is on the taglist now, this is just the taglist from when i saved this as a draft. Hope you enjoy!

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @captivatedbycillianmurphy, @jenepleurepasbaby, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @stuckysslag, @psychkunox, @i-love-superhero, @marquelapage, @peakyxtommy, @stydia-4-ever, @babylooneytoonz, @livlaughquinn​, @bubsonnobx​

Masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist

Tommy walked along the street, pointing out random boys and joking with his brothers. "Wonder what kind of lad Y/N will end up with..." Not that he'd accept just anyone in his daughter's life.

Arthur snorted, "any guy out here would have to go through me. John and you too, no doubt."

John and Thomas nodded with a hearty laugh. "They'd have to fight that friend of hers too, she never leaves her side."

The men continued to bicker and chortle on their walk to the house.

"Hello Mr. Shelby!" Sonia chimed. Sonia was always welcomed, Y/N's best friend. She never had to ask, simply walk through the front door. He greeted her back as she sped up the stairs to Y/N's room, closing the door behind her.

After a few hours, and after the rest of the company went out, Thomas decided he wanted to go to Garrison. As he was the only one home, aside from the two girls, he made his way up the stairs to notify them of his absence.

The courtesy of knocking escaped him as he pushed her door open, the payment for such action taking a gasp from his parted lips. Before him was the sight of his daughter and her best friend, lips upon each other's, quickly separating at the sound of the door.

"Dad-" Y/N's eyes welled with tears, crushing Tommy's heart, and seemingly Sonia's as she looked to her friend with concern.

"Mr. Shelby, I promise-"

"Don't." He looked down and leaned against the door frame. "Why do you feel the need to hide away? Why couldn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry..." She sobbed quietly.

"Don't be. It's who you are, what is there to be sorry about?"

Sonia perked up, "you're not mad?"

Thomas let out a genuine chuckle. "Why would I be?"

"My parents...they weren't too fond of my attraction to Y/N. We feared that you'd feel the same." He felt empathy for the shaking girl, her gaze averted in shame.

"I take pity that your parents are ignorant. You cannot control who you love. In this case, it's my daughter. My only asks, are that you treat her well..."

The girls looked hopeful, staring at him anticipating his continuation. "And?"

"And that you keep the door open when you're in her room. I trust that you can respect these requests. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to the Garrison and have a drink."

-

Bonus:

"do you think he's drinking because of us?" Sonia asked fearfully.

Y/N chucked, "no, he just likes to drink."

[sammy--moh]

A random ramble about my identity, modern queer community and queer history bc I'm hyperfixated

(I don't want slur discourse under my post. I reclaim words that have been directly used to oppress me only and only towards myself, that's where the conversation ends)

(Cis/Hets don't touch this post

Terfs especially don't even look at this post

Anti kink fuckers don't look at this post, kink and LGBT are separate things but you cannot untangle kink history from queer/LGBT history

If your against the use of the word queer, don't clown on this post

Queer cis people are free to interact and add their opinions but don't clown on this post

Trans people and queer punks and activists please interact <3

Any corrections are welcomed as long as their constructive)

So you could probably find a few posts of me talking about some of my more modern and neo/xeno identity labels, its something I'm fairly proud of I'm a neo pronoun user and have been out as a nonbinary man for a long time

But I don't think I talk about my more, I guess classical and older queer labels and that feels disingenuous because I do still love queer history and have a lot of what would be considered ""outdated"" identieies

Yeah I'm a neo user and have some xeno gender labels, and I'm T4T which as far as I know is a label thats been around a long time but its still common and normally used today

But im also just a gender nonconformist(sometimes i use and reclaim the words transexual and transvestite just to piss off cis people who say i cant), i unapolgetically reclaim the word f4g, im in the leather community, I'm a fem man, im a cub, all things that have been around maybe since the 60s - 70s that I/still/ find connection to, comfort and community in

I mean hell I usually consider myself to currently be in a masc 4 fem relationship which you'd probably never guess by just looking at me

Which is another thing! Why is it always assumed that cubs and bears are the mascs?? I think I have more traditionally feminine clothing and presentation then most of my twink friends, I am a big, fat, extroverted, hairy cub and I am still the fem in one of my relationships and very feminine and fem presenting in general

Obviously masc 4 fem is not the only kind of mlm and wlm relationship that's stupid sndnd and expecting it is heteronormative, some people are masc 4 masc,fem 4 fem, heck not everyone /likes/ traditional masc fem labels and that's awesome!

Another thing I don't see a lot of people talk about is the fact that the bear and cub community is objectively a body positivity movement, that's what it started as that's what it always will be

Bear culture was a reaction to the beauty standards of gay culture at the time, when the ideal in gay relationships were young, thin, conventionally attractive gay and bi/multisexual men

Bear culture was specifically made to appreciate, lift up, and love large, hairy,sometimes older gay and bi/multsexual men and cub culture branched off from bears

I'm gonna be honest, I am recovering from a few body image issues and disorders that I wont go in depth on, and bear + cub culture has helped me to love myself and my body and find myself attractive more than any other body positivity space! Not to say other body positvity spaces arent important and needed, but that as a queer trans man this one has been the space I felt the most welcomed in

I wish there were a few expectations we could leave behind, like the idea that bears and cubs only date other bears and cubs, that terms like bear, twink, otter, leather gay, ect are gay exclusive and not just mlm and nwlnw terms, that fem and masc culture are gay and lesbian exclusive (dont come at me there are several moments in history we see these terms used by bi and generally queer men and that show masc and fem culture in bi and generally queer spaces)

I wish I could find more people like me in history, trans men who weren't masc, transmen and transmascs that were unapologetically feminine, I want to find transman queens in history, trans gay and mlm men, it's hard to find.. but I'm almost positive there has to be at least some people like me in queer history

But in general there's so much we can learn and keep from older queer culture that I feel has been lost a lot with younger generations

I love modern queer culture and neo/xeno labels and communities ans MOGAI and the breakdown of gender norms and sexual expectations

But im also unapolgetically a fem, leather loving, kinkster, trans fucking, fat cub, cross dressing faggot

All of these things are me

You cannot untangle or separate these identieies and labels from /me/

There are riots and loss in my history, and there is raw, unapolgetic queer beauty as well. there is pride in my veins, and fight in my lungs, and I wouldn't trade any of it for shit

[gemsofthegalaxy]

Actually sometimes if I think about it I am a little mad that Greg's blatant experience of Tom's homophobic powerplays and abuse is treated as almost nothing in the Family Abuse Through Capitalism show. it's, like, intentionally played for laughs most times.

At the same time, I love the two of them and find them compelling and interesting because I love jealously, possession, and devotion and I ship as many straight ships as I do gay ones. As much as I do want wholesome gay rep I also want hand-in-unlovable-hand, nobody-can-love-you-like-I-do stories too. I'm not mad at my fellow fans for just sort of sweeping it away because the show also does, I think? Perhaps there is an angle I am missing but-

Shiv gets to experience the whole gambit of being a scummy person and a woman and using her position to fuck over other women, but still having harrowing experiences of misogyny when she's utterly surrounded by men. It's heart- and gut-wrenching to watch. Layered and interesting. People have differing opinions, still, but it's in the text and it always has been.

Greg, meanwhile, is ambiguously straight. There are queer readings we can have- going from completely disinterested in sex/women to loudly and obnoxiously flirting with them publically as he gains an increasingly important position and plays the expected part he has to play. Not to mention, his pointedly absent father is gay, more than enough reason for him to not come out.

But we never get a confirmation and... I don't know if I would say there's been anything of Greg grappling with the specifically homoerotic way that Tom has tormented him. Greg seems to be mildly weirded out and then rolls with it- does he not recognize the game Tom is playing? is that a commentary on how victims may not recognize the abuse? If Greg was scared of Tom hurting him, why fuck him over on multiple separate occasions and even right after experiencing physical assault. I'm not asking what Greg's point is, but what is deal is, instead. Cause I can't figure out what they're saying with him when it comes to Tom's emotional abuse specifically.

In my opinion, we still don't have a confirmation on whether Greg really cares about Tom in return (as Tom had tried to make Greg emotionally reliant on himself but ended up emotionally reliant on Greg). Based on last night I think he does, honestly, at least like Tom's company and want to stick with him. Whether he does stay with Tom or not still remains to be seen and I think he's been vague enough they could go any way they want with him.

Greg is not only not a serious person, he's not a serious character, I think. And to me that's a wee bit of a shame. Yes, we also get ambiguous sexuality and issues with Roman but we've also had a deal of exploration of that- I would like more, but, it's been covered. It's been at least addressed, in some way.

Lastly, I will acknowledge that I don't even know what it is I'm asking for, here. I just feel the storytellers are maybe treating the queerness with a bit much levity for the world they've created. And I think the exploration of varying forms of discrimination as they layer on top of the Capitalism-Abuse has left something to be desired, perhaps, and all feel underexplored to me.

[thatludicrousdisplay]

okay okay okay okay okay i've been rewatching it crowd this week and rn i'm watching s2ep1 again. this must be my 20th rewatch at *least* by now, but this time i was struck by how much the conversation between moss and phillip could be seen as a metaphor for moss being gay coded (save all the other parts of the episode, of course)

moss: phillip, who are you talking to? me or Jen?

is there history between moss and phillip? do they know each other outside of their obvious connection through jen? if they do, i would not be surprised at *all* if moss was looking for an in. don't get me wrong, he doesn't pick up on social cues very well (very much due to him being likely canonically autistic), but i think he definitely knew that phillip was talking about a date.

phillip: do you like the theatre?

moss: never been

i think phillip picks up on moss' vibes here, and decides to use the theatre as a metaphor as he tries to figure out if moss is gay or cockblocking him with jen. his body language in this scene is quite important: if you watch closely you can see he angles his body more towards moss, gestures towards him and makes clear eye contact, whereas before he was angled towards jen and only kept glancing towards moss when talking. and again, moss' response suggests that he's never really been in a gay relationship, which, let's be real, isn't that much of a surprise. i've always personally thought of moss as someone who be confused as to his identity not through repression necessarily, but through sheer not knowing

moss: but I've, uh... I've always liked the idea of the theatre - the smell of the grease, the roar of the paint

it's men. he likes men guys.

moss: I've often thought if I hadn't ended up in computers, I would have gone into the theatre.

this line stumps me a little btw. maybe something about the nature of their (meaning moss and roy's) job separating them from the rest of the building and therefore the reynholm industries dating pool? or it could be him saying "yeah i could've been a little whore but i like computers so eh". if you have any thoughts please god let me know

phillip: but you've never been to see a play?

moss: no

phillip: why not?

is it just me, but does phillip sound almost disappointed when moss says he's never been to see a play. this could easily be misconstrued as a theatre lover's pity, but i think it goes deeper than this. i feel like 'play' is being used as a metaphor to represent being with a man in the (non)biblical sense. and notice how moss takes a moment before answering, almost as if he's considering what he's going to say. if someone asks you if you've ever been to see a play, you don't take that second or two, you probably know right away. once again, phillip is talking directly to moss. when roy interrupts a few moments after this small interaction he looks up and seems almost surprised to find other people in the room, including the woman he's supposedly wooing.

moss: never had the interest

moss could definitely be asexual or demisexual. he takes a small moment again, but seems confident in his answer. i don't think he's lying to phillip to try and make himself seem aloof or holier-than-thou, but i think he's being honest with a man with whom he is experiencing a level of attraction (whether that be romantic or sexual). of course i do personally think there is a long-standing will-they-won't-they situation with moss and roy, but i do think he's being truthful. maybe he's trying to be a little bit flirty. i could see him trying to do that, trying something he's seen on tv perhaps? idk i just love him okay <<<3

seriously tho i love this idiot little man so much and i just want him to be happy and comfortable in his sexuality

[yr-obedt-cicero]

just curious- somewhat in relation to your fic- but do you think Eliza would have been accepting towards Alexander's and John's relationship? if she ever found out.

Nope. And I highly doubt she ever knew either.

Although we don't have anything that indicates Eliza's opinion on sodomy, it is likely safe to assume she was probably your average, period-typical, homophobic, upperclass woman. Maybe even a bit worse considering she was a devoted christian, and was just a judgmental person in general. Eliza was religious and was adamant about it all considering she was often the one instilling religion and proper Christian behaviors in her kids since Hamilton wasn't really a religious person up until the last few years of his life.

I don't see her as being anywhere near accepting, and I often see people comparing it to the Reynolds affair which is just refutable—Infidelity and affairs were actually a commonplace thing of the day, and it wasn't like the Hamiltons' were sheltered from this issue with Hamilton's own family, and their association with others like Gouverneur Morris. Hamilton and Eliza shared the same class with many couples and families that were a victim of such, so honestly, I can imagine it being more forgivable than sodomy (Plus the whole infidelity loop that twists them in since Hamilton was still in a relationship with Laurens when marrying Eliza). And that point, Eliza would have definitely left.

And there are arguments that she supposedly would have been if she didn't mind Baron von Steuben associating with the family, which leads to the unfortunate truth that; even if she did, let's say, know about the Baron's inclinations, it wasn't her choice or say who associated with the family. Ultimately it was Hamilton's, and as much as he loved his wife, I highly doubt he was consulting her about that stuff. Also it's faulty to even consider she knew, as the Baron wasn't foolish with this sort of thing—He was smart about being good with making friends with the upperclass society (Y'know, like the Schuylers'). And honestly, all the rumors surrounding around why he got discharged from the Prussian army and the conclusion being that he was gay probably weren't even true. It's more likely he was just released from service because the army was downsizing, it's incredibly hard to believe he could have just been so open about his sexuality to people, especially enough so to get discharged. If anything, the most critical thing was that he remained a bachelor. So, I highly doubt Eliza knew of that either.

And now it comes down to, would Hamilton tell her? I don't think so. Nothing suggests he ever did, and that she ever knew even after both men's deaths. Sure, Hamilton confided a lot to his wife, but this would have been too grave to share. Additionally, there wouldn't be any reason to, Laurens was dead and Hamilton ended up pushing the memory of him far away.

But since you brought up my fic, I'll add on what separates some of my opinions and then my stories; it's fiction, and despite some of my beliefs like Eliza never agreeing with this sort of thing, or that Laurens and Hamilton would have fallen out of contact had he lived, it doesn't mean I'm always going to implement the most realistic thing in a fiction story I'm writing for fun. It's all about being hypothetical, and exploring those what-if's—So, please remember I'm not always going to be displaying what I say here in my work. Sometimes I will, but in this case where SFP is just a fun little project I started writing for fun and interactions I wanted to imagine, not everything is going to be the most realistic case in scenario.

[spaceshipkat]

Don't reveal the name of the authors obviously, but can you give an example of the sjm style affecting some of the stuff you've edited?

and the other ask i got about it!

Can you elaborate on the effect Sarah J. Maas has had on romance novels?

now, to be fair, i want to preface this by saying that sjm isn't the only author to do some of these things or utilize some of these habits in her writing, nor is she necessarily the first. however, given her sheer popularity and readership and the very obvious influence she has on many, many writers, i'm inclined to blame her for some of these habits i've picked up.

male/female everything, from voices, to laughter, to body parts, to expressions, to emotions. sure, it's the most obvious (and she's not the only one to do this, nor the first, but see my aforementioned reasoning for pinning this on her) but it is everywhere. i've edited my fair share of fantasy romance novels and, while not all of them have fallen prey to this, enough of them have that i've noticed the pattern. luckily, most of the authors i've edited have been willing to edit their books (i always explain why i advise editing that particular choice of words). i like to say that, if i can't edit sjm, i can at least edit her readers

an emphasis on the gender binary separate from gendering genderless things like the aforementioned voices or body parts. "men or women"/"male or female" is always used rather than "people". queens and kings exist rather than just royalty. etc. and sure this isn't exclusive to sjm bc it's a pervasive thing in society, too, but imma blame her anyway bc she's a huge culprit for enforcing the gender binary

epithets. goddamn epithets. if i have to read one more character refer to themselves in their own internal narration as "the prince" or "the fae" imma lose it

sex scenes relying far too much on metaphor and simile and grand but vague explanations of what's going on while the female character "shatters" when she climaxes and the male character roars way too often. i cringe. i've written and edited my fair share of sex scenes, so i do know what i'm about.

this next point could just be an author not quite understanding grammar, so i will allow a bit of leeway here, but given they have many of the habits sjm does, i'm more inclined to believe it's bc they pick it up from her: when questions do not end in question marks, as if they're meant to be some emphasized shittalk. if a character is asking "What's wrong?" there should be a question mark, not a period, even if the character is saying it in a way that doesn't end with the uptick of a question. proper grammar is important, and that's why dialogue tags exist. if you want to explain how a character is asking a question, do it like "What's wrong?" she asked, tone flat. OR "What's wrong?" she asked, though it sounded more like a statement than a question.

on that note, when every. single. statement. or every. single. movement. is aggrandized to the point where every. single. scene. and every. single. moment. carries the same weight and i can never feel like i can catch a breath.

women being super skinny and conventionally beautiful and sarcastic and badass while men are super muscular and handsome and broody and can't ever smile bc whoops that'd be gay or some such nonsense. or when a close friendship between two men is forcibly described as brotherly to avoid even the slightest inclination toward people shipping them. now don't get me wrong, i love a good bromance, i love when two characters are so close they're practically brothers. but there's a difference between writing a close brother-like friendship and two characters going overboard on calling one another "brother" so that people will feel squicky about shipping them. see, for instance, how sjm wrote Cassian and Azriel in acosf. she went above and beyond to emphasize their brotherly relationship, while also giving us backstory of the two of them having sex with women in the same room as one another (Rhysand was there, too). now idk about sjm, but i would absolutely not be having sex in the same room as any of my siblings, while Cassian, Azriel, and Rhysand do. sure, they call one another "brother" all the time, but then there's moments like that that leave me ఠ _ ఠ

fragments everywhere to the point i start to feel like i'm being electrocuted by how stilted dialogue and sentences are

assumed heterosexuality. this goes beyond just the "female" and "male" constancy but to men being assumed to have wives, for women to be assumed to want the Typical Marriage, etc

hhhhhhhhhh idk there's doubtless more but spring allergies are killing my brain, so i'll leave it there. i stuck it under a read more so i could add more as i think of them

[envihellbender]

So here are five, amazing classic lit novels that are not written by straight, white, American/English cis men.

1. Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin

Honestly, any of Baldwin’s books are amazing and could have a place on this list. This is my favourite, because I find Giovanni such a relatable character. Baldwin’s main goal in a lot of his fiction books is to separate black characters from the tragedy of being black, Giovanni’s Room focuses on two white gay men and it both does this from a gay perspective and doesn’t. On the one hand, a lot of the tragedy regarding the romantic story has happened within heterosexual relationships, and when Giovanni’s is executed (it’s established from the beginning)… it’s clearly because he’s a poor young man who dared to stand up against the rich older man who at best took advantage of him. In some ways, this is more to do with abuse of power from rich old men.

2. Maurice - E. M. Forster

What if I told you… there was a classic queer novel… with a happy ending? And a working class queer character. And isn’t just about rich gay public school boys who keep everything behind closed doors. It took me a little while to get into it because I thought it was going to be just another book about the latter, but it’s not I promise you. It wasn’t published until after E.M. Forster died, which makes sense since it was written fairly close to the Oscar Wilde trial and prior to homosexuality being made legal in the U.K.. Also, It was inspired by Edward Carpenter, socialist, and early gay rights activist.

3. The Lottery - Shirley Jackson

The gif is from The Haunting of Hill House but Nell’s story is extremely fitting to this short story. Thinking about it shakes me to my god damn core. It’s a small creepy village that has a horrifying ritual, no one does horror quite like Shirley Jackson. Similar to the Haunting of Hill House I think a lot of the disturbing nature of it comes from the people so unwilling to listen. The Lottery itself refers to the annual stoning of a person which is a tradition among the villages to ensure the prosperity of the village for another re crops and such. There’s a bit in it where a couple of old men are talking about how other villages have stopped doing the Lottery and how ludicrous that is, with added “young people these days”. This story really gets into the psychology of why people so adamantly stick to tradition and don’t challenge authority. It’s so great.

4. The Dubliners - James Joyce

I actually think this is the most underrated Joyce book, and whilst I’ve heard some people have read it at school I’m extremely jealous. I always hear about Ulysses when this one is significantly easier to read, and I love how each story is about a new every day, normal person living in Dublin. It does not focus on separatism of religion in Ireland (not entirely anyway), and avoids politics almost entirely (excluding when a woman calls a journalist a west Brit). The idea was that like Baldwin Joyce wanted to depict Irish people being normal, and not to he defined by their tragedy, religion, and politics.

5. The Tenant of Wildfel Hall - Anne Brontë

This is the most underrated Brontë sisters’ novel. It’s absolutely iconic. The inspiration for this novel comes from a story that Anne’s father told. He was a priest who was hearing a confession from a married woman who was being horrifically abused by her husband. She didn’t want to leave him because that would he a sin, Anne’s father told her to do it and that God would understand. When you consider how divorce was seen in the 1800s especially in religious circles… that is pretty astounding. That is essentially the main theme of the book without going into too many spoilers, it’s also about how “odd” Helen is considered because she actually shows love and care to her son (which involves a spirited debate about how all children deserve affection and closeness from their mother.)

[hollybee8917]

Lighting the Flame Above

Characters: Clint Barton, Steve Rogers

Plot: Steve and Clint have their first date. Things don’t go as planned.

Warnings: Time period homophobia (40s)

Clint walked into the common room of Avengers tower and collapsed on the couch, “My god. Why do I even try?”

“You got something to share with the class, Barton?”

The blonde straightened up and looked to his right. There sat Steve Rogers looking down at a book. He scoffed, “It’s not something you would understand Cap.”

Steve closed his book, “Try me.”

Tilting his head back, Clint replied, “You haven’t tried dating recently, have you?”

A sigh escaped Steve’s lips, “Yeah but I can’t seem to find the right person.”

“What kind of girl are you looking for?” Clint asked his team leader.

Rogers leaned back, “You sure you want to know the answer to that?”

Clint scoffed, “I dunno. All I know is that there is not a single guy in this city who does not either drink iced coffee and wear fleece scarves or says ‘yaas’ and go on and on about twerking. The word is yes. I went on a date last night with a guy named Ethan and he rambled endlessly about something called Vine.”

Steve’s eyes widened, “Clint, are-are you gay?”

Clint’s breath hitched, “Is that a problem?”

Reflexively, Steve’s head went back and forth, “No! Not at all. I’m just a bit surprised. I assumed you and Natasha were, well, together.”

Clint let loose a laugh, loud and long, “Me-me and Nat? Hahaha. No. We’re just friends. We are partners on the field and best friends off the field. We’ve never been together romantically.”

A small oh escaped Steve’s mouth. Clint looked away and didn’t say anything else. Steve stood up and made his way over to the couch. He sat down at the other end of the sofa, “Hey Clint?”

“Yeah?”

“Me too.”

Clint raised his head and looked in Steve’s direction, “You too, what?”

Steve’s hand shook a little as he wiped a stray hair from his forehead, “I’m gay.”

“No shit,” Clint exclaimed, “You’re gay? How long have you been out?”

Steve shrugged, “I never really came out of the closet.”

Clint’s eyes widened, “Am I the first person you have come out to?”

The soldier shook his head, “No. My mother and Bucky both knew. Bucky came out to me. I lived my adult life in the ‘30s and ‘40s. Men did not announce their sexuality back then. Neither did women but it was even worse for the men. Not to mention, I was a soldier. If it had leaked that Bucky and I were gay, we would have been given a blue ticket, court-martialed and tossed out of the Army then probably arrested.”

“Bucky? You mean Bucky Barnes?”

Tears formed in the corners of Steve’s eyes, “Yeah… He was my first love and the only one who really understood me and was accepting of my lifestyle because he was the same. We had known each other since we were kids.”

Clint took a breath, “Then he died. I’m sorry man. I always assumed it was you and Peggy Carter. That was the story I heard anyway. She spoke of you so fondly, I assumed that you two were lovers.”

A smile graced Steve’s lips, “Peggy was sweet but she knew that I wasn’t interested in her romantically. She caught us once, me and Bucky. We were in Austria. I thought we would be together forever. Then the train happened.”

“You wanna talk about it? It helps. At least that’s what my therapist says.”

Steve let out a low laugh, “We were sent to capture Arnim Zola. He was the main HYDRA scientist and the one who injected Bucky with a derivation of my serum. We made it onto the train but Bucky and I got separated. I was fighting a guy with a large gun that shot energy blasts and Bucky was stuck with some others. I was able to know the energy blast guy out and get to Bucky. We beat the ones Bucy was fighting but then the energy blast guy came back. The first shot separated me from my shield and Bucky picked it up. Before I could react, the energy blast guy shot a second time. Bucky was blasted out the side of the train. I beat the Hydra guy but I wasn’t—wasn’t fast enough to save Bucky.”

“Wow. I didn’t know that.”

Tears formed in the corners of Steve’s eyes, “He was the best thing I had and the only one who understood me.”

The archer leaned back, “I know the feeling. It’s been hard for me too. I had a Bucky once but his name was Henry Garrett. When I went to the Army then came to SHIELD, he was there. We fell in love pretty quickly.”

Steve scooted closer to Clint, “If it’s okay to ask, what happened?”

Clint met his gaze, “We were on an assignment in Prague. It was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance mission. We had a target that we were supposed to tail, get information about him and get out. All the intel we were gathering was supposed to go to our handler.”

“Phil Coulson?”

Clint shook his head, “I didn’t get assigned to Phil until after this mission went south. Our  handler was a man named Byron Fischer. Henry had taken me to a café just south of the Rudolfinum in Prague. What neither of us knew was that it was a setup by someone in SHIELD. Anyway, we were sitting at the café and we were ambushed by the guy’s team that we were tailing. Henry and I tried to run but I ended up getting shot in the arm and chest. Henry took out three of the men but missed the fourth one. He was also shot. Fortunately, he only took a bullet to the leg. The fourth man ran off before we could get him.”

“How did Henry die if he only received a leg wound?”

A tear found its way to the floor, “The guy came back with more men. We tried to escape but we were surrounded. Henry stood over me firing guns at the men around him. He was hit multiple times and landed on top of me. Henry covered me with his body. Our handler never showed up to evacuate us.. Instead, Phil Coulson did. By the time he did though, it was too late for Henry. He told me he loved me and died by my side.”

Steve leaned back and looked away, “I guess you and I are more alike than I realized.”

Clint didn’t respond and a comfortable silence fell over the room. The door to the elevator slid open and Tony walked through it. Steve slid away from Clint and the latter threw his legs up on the couch. Tony being Tony began to talk incessantly and neither man dared casting a glance at each other. After a short time, Clint stood, “I’m going to go train. See you later.”

Steve watched as Clint walked away.

~~~

Come on, Rogers. You can do this. Just ask him. The worst that could happen is that he says no.

Two days had passed since he’d had the conversation with Chris about their respective pasts and Steve couldn’t get Clint’s words out of his head. Steve looked at Clint as he lay by the pool on the recreation level. Taking a breath, he stepped forward toward the archer who had his eyes closed while reclining on a lounge chair.

“I can hear you breathing hard, Cap.”

A sheepish smile crossed the taller blonde’s face, “I forget you have good hearing not just good eyesight.”

Clint opened his eyes, “Wanna talk about what’s on your mind?”

Steve shrugged then rubbed the back of his neck, “I was wondering if you would like to get dinner with me?”

A smile crossed Clint’s lips, “Yeah, sure. I would like that. When?”

“How about tonight? Maybe we could go for a pizza?”

Clint nodded, “That sounds good. Maybe we could go to that place on Broadway and West 40th street? It’s called Joe’s Pizza.”

Steve smiled back at Clint, “How about six o’clock?”

“Sure,” Clint gave a toothy grin, “Maybe we could walk Central Park after?”

Steve’s breath hitched, “That sounds good.”

Clint stood up, “I have to go get ready. I’ll see you at five thirty.”

~~

Steve Rogers sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror. None of the shirts were right. Steve sighed again, “Jarvis?”

“Yes, Captain,” came the disembodied voice of Stark’s AI, “what may I help you with?”

Swallowing, Steve replied, “What is common to wear to a first date at a pizza place?”

Jarvis didn’t miss a beat, “Typically, one would wear a nice polo shirt usually a dark color, and either khaki pant or blue jeans.”

The superhero sighed, “I don’t have a solid polo. Is there something else I should wear?”

Above him, the AI responded, “It���s also advisable to wear a solid button down shirt with crisp blue jeans or black jeans.”

“That’s what I’ll do,” Steve replied, “thank you.”

Jarvis responded, “You’re welcome, Captain.”

~~

The elevator door opened and Clint stepped into the common room. He sighed as he looked down at himself. Clint hoped this outfit was okay. As he entered, Steve looked up from the paper he was reading. An audible gasp escaped Steve’s lips, “Clint you look-”

“Too much?”

Steve shook his head, “You look amazing.”

Clint was dressed in a charcoal tee with a tan leather jacket and dark wash blue jeans.

The archer looked his team leader up and down, “You look great too. You ready to go?”

Steve nodded, “Yep.”

Getting back in the elevator, the pair rode it all the way down to the bottom floor. Steve and Clint walked out of the tower together. As they walked, Clint bit his lip, “So, Steve, what do you like to do for fun?”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, “I like to draw. I also like boxing. What about you?”

“I’m a simple man. I like horseback riding, baseball and archery.”

A small hmm slipped from Steve’s lips, “Do you read?”

Clint shook his head, “Not a big reader. I dropped out of school in sixth grade.”

Steve stopped mid step, “Wait, what?”

The shorter blonde shrugged, “I quit when I was in sixth grade and ended up in the circus with my brother. After I left the circus, I joined the Army as a ranger then jumped into SHIELD.”

Tilting his head, Steve asked, “You have a brother?”

“Yeah but I haven’t seen him in twenty years.”

Steve paused in the street, “How long were you in the Army?”

Clint turned and looked at him, “Sixteen years before SHIELD plucked me out of it. I have a particular set of skills and SHIELD wanted to use them.”

Steve started to walk beside Clint again, “Ever had any tours?”

“Yeah, two in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. Got my leg shot up in Kabul and got discharged from the army with a Purple heart. Once I came back, I worked as a gun for hire for a while then I landed on SHIELD’s radar. Fury sent Phil to hire me…”

Tears pricked Clint’s eyes, “Sorry. We’re here.”

Steve looked up to see the sign for Joe’s Pizza above them and pulled the door open. Clint entered first then Steve. They sat down at a table and a server came over, “Welcome to Joe’s. What can I get you tonight?"

Clint looked up, “Let me order, Steve. We’ll get a supreme pizza with black olives and meatballs. And two sodas.”

The waitress nodded and walked away. Before she could make it to the register to put the order in, the room erupted into chaos. Three men burst into the restaurant with guns leveled at everyone inside. Steve threw the table forward while Clint grabbed a knife and flipped it toward the gunman in front. It hit his carotid artery and he hit the floor with a scream. The remaining two men opened fire and people dropped to the floor and crawled toward the back. Steve used the table as a shield and shoved it into the second gunman.

As the third gunman turned his weapon at Steve but was brought down by Clint who dropped him with a kick to the legs. The man turned on Clint with a knife. Clint dodged twice then palmed the guy in the throat. He stumbled back and crashed into a nearby chair. Taking the opportunity, pounced onto the guy and threw some punches against the guy’s face.

Meanwhile, Steve was going hand to hand against his opponent. Without warning, the door opened and another man stepped inside. He threw something inside before Steve could realize it. The supersoldier’s eyes widened when he realized what it was. He yelled over his shoulder, “Clint!”

Clint turned and saw it. A bomb. As if in unison, the two men jumped up, sailed over the bar and prayed that it would protect them.

~~

Steve and Clint sat with their backs against the bar staring at each other and the mess in front of them. Coughing, Clint broke the silence, “So… dinner tomorrow?”

Steve let out a laugh, “Yeah, dinner sounds great.”

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Six

Previously:

EP gets an acting job and has to wear "girls" clothing which she dislikes

she also acquires a stalker

he is a Creepy Fuck

Toronto is revealed as the Raccoon Capital of the World

EP's father is the opposite of "helpful" and "sympathetic" in regards to her stalker situation and I offer my own father to EP

EP dumps herself into an eating disorder

Now:

Chapter Seven

EP decides she doesn't want her parents to come watch her film

they agree to this, which surprises her

EP stays with some friends while she films which leads to this rhapsodic writing

Speaking from experience in reinventing oneself, EP, I'm glad you were happy, but nobody thought you were a boy. You can reinvent yourself whenever you're around new people but literally everyone at that time knew you as a girl.

this happiness lasts all of a page before we get back into the shit

EP then relates multiple separate times that she experienced sexual assault and rape at the hands of people in the entertainment industry, specifically one male and one female

and then the chapter ends

I need to have a moment of levity so I will say here that I did not learn anything about Canada in this chapter and I feel like I'm missing out somewhat

but FUCK what is EP's life? I am so sad for her. This tracks immensely with what so many of us have read about girls who decide to transition: always felt out of place, possibly on the spectrum, possibly lesbians, groomed and sexually assaulted and raped by men... the more I read that showed me how EP and I were alike as kids, the more I understand how she ended up where she did and why she thought it was the right thing to do

and all I feel is sad

Chapter Eight

we return to the days of 2014 where EP came out as gay

on her speech:

on what happens to her at a party days later

"Men are predators and you're just afraid of them" is a wild thing for a predatory male to say while being predatory, very on the nose

Predatory Fuck continues being, well, predatory:

"it is going to taste like lime" opens wide an arena filled with many questions for me, yes I know it's not the time to have questions about this, but she wrote and I had to read it with my own two autistic eyes and now I am hyper-focused.

I will not share any of those questions because what the fuck is this

Predatory Fuck comes to apologize and just doubles down on being an asshole; he blames it on being drunk but swears he doesn't have a problem with gay people

EP goes on to explain how her being openly gay and trying to be her true self did not help her in the industry

Gaycation was the show where she famously said that we're all born into a homophobic world and gay people should not be made to change to feel "normal"

and based on where she ended up she did not believe herself when she said it

but let's see where this goes

apparently this goes off into the next chapter where there's sex and I am too tired, dear readers, to read that tonight, even for EP

The offer of my dad, of better family, still exists, EP. I talked to my dad tonight and he was absolutely hilarious. There are good people in the world.

[waitmyturtles]

Okay. The Promise IS REALLY GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD! Gah, I am SO happy I picked this up.

Episode 3: we still don’t have a read on what separated Phu from Nan for 10 years. However, a few notes on why this episode was the best yet so far, despite not getting that juice yet. Some quick notes first, and then big thoughts (and I have a couple of coffee notes as a postscript):

I should have realized this earlier, but I think one reason why I’m loving this show so far is because, while much of the show is flashbacks, our two mains are in their early-going-into-their-mid-30s, and much of the show happens in the context of their professional pursuits. As an #old, me likey -- I always love generational shifts in dramas, and I definitely need more dramas with older folk. 

The sponsorship of this show is so wild, but honestly, I’m not kidding, I kinda think it works (listen, it looks like UMG’s only sponsor is for for CANNED MACKEREL, so like, how they’re going to weave CANNED MACKEREL in the show will be VERY INTERESTING, and I’m NOT looking forward to it). Why does this Devonte Men skincare framework shit work?

Because: this episode focused on Nan as a professional. And I LOVED IT. In his personal life, Nan’s a mess. Before Phu came back, he had trouble sleeping, his house was in disarray. During college, he needed to rely on Phu to keep track of his classes. Phu keeps Nan in check -- he encourages Nan to keep fit, Phu keeps Nan organized.

But in the office? We see that at least in this episode, Nan’s a G, a confident one, too. I can’t wait to get @respectthepetty‘s read on Nan’s red suit vs. the blue suit at the end, but I totally felt the red rascal vibe on Nan for the first three quarters of the show. Nan owned everything! He HUSTLED and GOT THE COFFEE SHOP FOR PHU. He nailed the first presentation with boss Ken. Nan was faltering a touch at the end, but HIS bro (not anyone else’s bro) came thru with the product samples and the dimples. Nan makes shit happen professionally -- for himself, for his team, for Phu. We didn’t get quite that strong sense during the first two episodes, but this episode clearly defined what Nan can do STRONGLY in his life. He’s not a total hot mess. 

I LOVED THIS. We know we need to learn about Phu, but Uncle Tong Khom Kongkiat is out here telling us -- there’s a story, a big story, about Nan, too, that I need to tell y’all, so that y’all have the full context you need to understand what’s happening between these two. 

And that’s why those small flashbacks to Chiang Mai and to Nan’s dad were really important. Phu and Nan, Nan and Phu -- they’ve balanced each other out for their lives. They clearly exist in an equilibrium when they’re together, and it’s so lovely to watch. I looooved that tingle of jealousy at Joe’s club, and then the ride home. It sizzled. 

When Phu was out of Nan’s life, Nan was unbalanced. I think episode 3 makes sense as Nan’s presence as a professional is depicted as so strong, because Phu is back in his life, and Nan is back in balance. 

I THINK THIS SHOW IS SO GREAT. (I totally don’t mind the whole weaving-in of the sponsorship thing. They make it work.) 

****

Okay, quick SE Asian food/coffee thoughts (y’all know I love the food context), because I actually think they’re important to the show. I could maybe make a separate post about this, à la khao man gai, but let me just put this down first. Coffee is VERY important to this show, clearly.

Oliang means coffee! Oliang is specifically Thai black iced coffee, according to Wikipedia. Man, my heart. I love that Nan named his cat Oliang. A way to honor how he missed Phu, the coffee guy, before Phu came back.

Okay, I don’t know that much about this, but it seems that a common way to brew coffee in Thailand is to brew it with spices, which, GAH, YUM. (I once had a drink here in the States called “Bangkok iced coffee,” which was cardamom-infused coffee with half-and-half and condensed milk. GOOD LORD.) Check the Wikipedia article for the different styles of iced coffee you can get in Thailand -- oh my fucking god, YUM.

Alright, kopi. (Peep the definition for Thai kopi in the oliang article linked above.) I love that Thai and Malay both share a same word for kopi, although Malaysian/Singaporean kopi looks like it’s slightly different than in Thailand, because there are many styles of “kopi” in M’sia/SG that don’t necessarily come with condensed milk. Take a look at this list on the Malaysian/Singaporean kopi Wikipedia page. 

I also don’t *think* that Malaysian/Singaporean kopi is boiled with spices (if they don’t mind the tag, my SE Asian homies @telomeke and @tireddddddddddddddd-d might know -- apologies for tagging you if you’re not watching The Promise, but kopi question over here! Is Malaysian/Singaporean kopi ever boiled with spices, as it seems to be in Thailand?)

If you’re a coffee nerd: note that in the Malaysian/Singaporean style of kopi, that the beans are roasted with salt, sugar, and margarine. There’s a style of coffee in M’sia called Ipoh white coffee, which is my personal fave, super strong, and seriously divine, if you ever get your hands on it. It’s famous in part for that roasting in margarine.

It seems that, according to the kopi Wiki article, that the kind of Thai kopi that Nan and Phu drink was actually historically inspired by the Malaysian/Singaporean way of roasting and brewing hot coffee. So putting it all together, the Thai kopi that Nan and Phu have seems to be the hot spiced coffee with condensed milk, which must be just HEAVENLYYYYYYY. Gah. (And I love love love how they reference it as “old-school coffee.” A throwback to their rural childhood.) (I am sure many of y’all have had strong Vietnamese coffee, which is also black coffee with condensed milk.)

ANYWAY. Coffee/kopi culture is big in this region, and so worth nerding out about! Anytime I can get my hands on Malaysian kopi/white coffee, I get it, and I’m certainly going to keep my eyes peeled for Thai coffee preparations now. If I’m ever lucky to get my hands on a cup of old-school Thai kopi, I’ll report back on how awesome I know it will be. 

[just-otter-thoughts]

I wanna be a man and act like a man and get rid of all the ways in which I'm girly so bad but I know that's not something I should do and it's denying who I am and it's being insecure but at the same time why can't I be like them. All the other men.

There's a sense of disconnect between who I am and the concept of a man. There's other men, and then there's me. I'm not like them. I'm other. I'm too girly. I talk too nasaly. I limp my wrist. I dance like a girl. That's why I thought for a while, and still think there's some truth to it, that I was a girl.

But I also don't want to let go of all the masculine qualities of me. I don't wanna let go of my beard, and my body hair, and my deep voice. I don't wanna let go of the muscles I'm working so hard to get, and when I look in the mirror and pose like the pictures of the gorgeous men I drown myself with everyday, I see that man in me. I see that I've somehow "earned" every time someone refers to me as "him". Every time someone's called me "bonito" and not "bonita".

And it's just, so tempting to literally just do transmasc voice training. To get rid of the girl. I have a feeling that up in my brain I have a man commanding half of it and a woman commanding the other half.

And you know what's even funnier? I love how in Portuguese I talk like my mom. Hearing her talk, she places her tone in such a beautiful way. And it feels so good to, in first person, talk like that. But when I hear it back in recordings it's repulsive.

And it feels so empowering to perform a sexy girly routine to a, say, Britney Spears song. But when I look at a recording I frankly don't even know who that is. Does that make sense? In first person, I love being like this. But when I'm faced with the possibility that others may perceive me as anything but manly, I reel.

I don't know where I'm going with this essay. I wish I could, and I probably can, separate the two personas. Alexander and Tatiana.

I'm not changing a single thing about my body. But the way I talk, I wish I could choose to talk like Lex, and then to talk like Tati. So I guess that's something I can work towards.

What's funny is, I get gender envy from both genders, but it's way easier for me to get it from women. Any girl rocking an outfit, or a drag queen? I wish I was her. But for me to get gender envy from a man it's a hairy leather daddy.

Do you know when I felt the happiest with my masculinity? When I was bald. I loved looking in the mirror and seeing a bald bearded gay man. That was genuinely gender-affirming care for me. I would look at my shadow and it would have no hair and a big beard. And I could wear anything I had, I would still be a bald bearded man.

I just wanna end this by saying that I've always lived as Lex, but I wanna learn to love Tati. And there may come a time, who knows, in which I'll want to give to Tati the control of certain areas only Lex was allowed to play with. But it feels too much like denying my nature to ask Tati to step down from my voice.

And make no mistake - I wish it was as simple as yeah I'm just a guy. And you know what? Sometimes I genuinely feel like it is. So I guess I'm genderfluid?

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Sorry, my wifi disconnected so my previous ask may have gotten deleted? If not, discard this please and thanks lol

I was wondering what your thoughts are on CQL in terms of its portrayal/characterization. I know adaptations can change things but I don't know if I agree with fundamentally changing characters or altering them to suit your whims?

Good morning anon, I did get this one and perhaps not the other.

I... have a certain soft spot for some of CQL aesthetically and the acting of scenes from Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan, but, I mostly despise about 90% of the scripting and story changes. (No, I won't ever drop that Yang Xia literally thought the two were just carrying a corpse between them while they traveled miles of China and that's why she made it a sword fetch quest).

Do I personally agree with the adaption changes. There's a certain way to please and respect the original work even with censorship mandates. CQL as an adaptation, was not that. I'd actually vastly recommend Legend of Fei or Word of Honor instead if you want a full adaptation vs canon text original. CQL, was from conception done to wash it of the original thematics, character intentions and the effects of those that rounded them as deeper and a natural progression of gay men falling in love.

One was the way it pawned off Jiang Yanli being so obsessed with the three of them as "together forever". No where in the novel does she say this, as she knows she is bound to be married into another family and grow up apart from Wei Wuxian in some way, SHE was already prepared for this, and Wei Wuxian had always expected to be a servant to Jiang Cheng, but he never said it would be indefinitely even in his promise. There was no indication of "forever together" among the three, Jiang Cheng also only expected forever submission from Wei Wuxian as no one else had expressed a want of listening to him (his parents as his elders having been outright abusive or passively apathetic).

It also made Wei Wuxian cope through the usage of alcohol at the idea of Lan Wangji now not "approving" of him. He did not want Lan Wangji's approval in the novel, he wished for his attentions and stated as such he felt they could be friends because they were so similar. He only grew volatile and distant towards him when Lan Wangji himself did not put up a strong front of liking him in Wei Wuxian's own presence each time they continued to interact. It cheapened Lan Wangji's own growth and realization that the expectation of "good" doesn't need to come from oppressive traditional rigidity as he had been told since he was young, and that a good person is not made by rule obedience.

There is good intentions, and there is Yang Xia. The only ones with good intentions were the director Chan Ka Lam (Who was the one to produce and film the happily touted "alternate" JP CQL ending that removes the separation of the special condensed edition to be more "Wangxian") Wang Yibo, and Xiao Zhan once they were able to lean into the original romance of the original work after fan backlash to the original script approvals from Yang Xia. Unfortunately, when the script you are made to work with is a bit of a turd, you can polish and glitter it as a fix, but the turd is still there under the gold veneer.

[disquiet-doll]

oh something just clicked in my head

so, as someone on the internet who interacts with fandoms, i, like everyone else, have noticed how f/f fanfic is by far the least common

and i'm always torn on how to feel about that because like

well on one hand fanfic is very much a female led hobby and most women are, believe it or not, straight! so like of course they're most interested in seeing boys kiss or women and men date each other.

but

like. i mean there obviously is a(n internalized) misogynistic element there too. i mean the fact that the most common dismissal of the issue is "well the women are underdeveloped" even when that's blatantly not true is like, that has to be it.

and it always felt weird to me for both of these to be true, since the solution ends up in the ballpark of "straight women need to write lesbian sex to stop being misogynistic" and that doesn't feel right

(i mean straight women (and men, and everyone else) should write both gay people and women more, so it doesn't hurt, but it feels wrong to think of it as a requirement)

but i just realized

this is basically a conflation of f/f and female-focused fanfic lol

like that's the thing going on here, right? because the problem isn't just not writing f/f, it's downplaying women entirely (and flattening their characters, but that's fanfic in general)! that's why the excuse ends up being "women are boring (not misogynistic to say somehow)" and not "i am not attracted to women and i am writing wish fulfillment romance and/or smut, so..."

to be clear i'm not even saying that conflation is wrong, "the people in the main ship are the central characters" is probably true more often than not in fanfic because shipping is such a central thing, but

it would probably do some good to separate "f/f fanfic is usually the least common genre, outside particularly yuriful fandoms" and "wow a lot of fanfic is wildly misogynistic especially for a female-led hobby, huh" somewhat as complaints? even if both are very much true and not great.

[sneezemonster15]

I saw recently someone post a screenshot of a woman's video that read "my husband came out as gay after 20 years of together" and the screenshot poster said it's extremely cruel to waste 20 years of someone's life and pretend to be in love with them when they could find someone who actually loves them, "if you're gay and in the closet then just be single, you don't have the right to ruin someone else's life" tbh I don't know what to think, I mean I don't feel bad for Sakura and Hinata because they are selfish assholes, but about real people… I would genuinely think I had wasted my life too if my spouse suddenly told me they were never in love with me, and forever have trust issues. But I feel bad for gay men too. Or are women who end up with gay men a specific, gullible type

Except that in conservative societies where heteronormativity is institutionalised and homosexuality is criminalized, the conditions for straight women and gay men aren't the same. Closeted gay men are closeted for many reasons. Institutional punishment, ostracization, disenfranchisement. That cannot be compared with a straight woman whose feelings got hurt. I am not invalidating her feelings, but it's like comparing apples and oranges. It is unfortunate that she lived with a person who basically lied to her for 20 years but it's different from a man who has been living a lie his entire life. It's a kind of violence one can't imagine unless one has gone through something similar. Denying your identity is like denying your existence. Besides, Hinata and Sakura aren't unaware. Sakura for sure knows the nature of Sasuke and Naruto's relationship, and to a large extent, I think Hinata does too. But it suits them to ignore it as long as they are getting what they want. At least in their case, they don't come off as the hurt party. They are the ones who are benefiting from it, having trophy husbands, which is what they always wanted. If they really wanted to do something about it, they would have.

Also, I think most people talk at each other. Not with. If you really pay attention to the other person, what they say, how they say it, if you pay attention to their body language, you can tell a lot about a person. Or get some solid ideas to follow through at the least. A better part of communication is non verbal. It's very useful too. There's a lot of information to be gleaned and used later. It would be pointless to expect that Hinata and Sakura would know to do all that. Otherwise they would have been better shinobis too lol.

It's not that easy to stay in the closet and remain unattached, I know that in many countries, in joint families, no matter what, you gotta get married when the elders say so. You can't come out and you can't say no. There are other obligations too, people's lives are complex. I don't think a gay man would feel so compelled to get married to a straight woman if he had the freedom to choose and express his sexuality without stigma or prejudice.

Also love does not always have to be sexual. There have been many gay men in the past who married women, sired kids even, and yet, respected their wives, mothers of their kids. Of course, in their case, the wife knew the truth. Thomas Savage, for example. Like I said, people's lives are complex. It's not that black and white. There can be love between a gay man and a straight woman without it having to be sexual. There can be mutual love and respect, if they are both open with each other. If they aren't, they should look at the reasons why rather than playing blame games. If separation is the answer, then so be it.