#We didn't meet on tumblr but we were mutuals for years before we did

[mixelation]

*devil on your shoulder voice* what if you went into a really detailed rant about why you hate the earth is space australia posts

>:(

common themes i don't like:

"oooh humans scawwy because PREDATORS" - shut the fuck up. you're being childish. are you aware that YOU are also prey in the right circumstances? predator-prey dynamics are diverse and often shifting (look up "intraguild predation"). you are literally making interspecific interactions less interesting by doing this

"pack bonding" - this isn't a thing. this isn't a term i can find used outside of this specific genre of post and a couple of dog training books. it has no biological or sociological basis. i asked a psychologist about it and they said y'all are wrong

why are we making posts hyping up humans, only to write those posts as terrified of interacting with the incredible diversity of human behaviors and attitudes and cultures. like in these posts humans are all universally "bonding" with strange creatures and acting like physical tanks in pressing situations. if the point was a love letter to humanity you'd think you'd get actual characters representing different facets of humanity instead of a single caricature

speaking of which, why are we romanticizing human traits which are not universal. yes, some humans can [physical feat] but many cannot. why do so many posts seem to be gloating over a "feat" i'm like 93% sure the OP cannot do

i hatehatehate the format of them as an alien having a conversation with a human, where the human calmly explains something about earth (almost always poorly/inaccurately) while the alien freaks out. i hate how 50% of the sentences either begin or end with the phrase "but yeah" because the writer doesn't know how to conclude a thought when they're waxing poetic about a topic they have a very shallow knowledge on

posts often don't seem to realize they're implying absurd things about how aliens work. like i just read one about how earth is ultra diverse, implying aliens have very low biodiversity, and earth is shocking for the aliens. however, if true, without the ongoing coevolutionary arms race provided by a diverse environment, how did the aliens evolve to the point where they have space travel? i want to know about how THAT planet works, not read someone on tumblr recite a bunch of lukewarm biology facts they only kind of half know

also why are there so many scenarios where the aliens meet their downfall because they just.... didn't do any observations/research before doing something? and it's never a clever thing like "they observed for years but missed X for Y reason." it's always just like "....and then they were dumb and we were so clever and smartbrained!!!"

idk why tumblr is obsessed with taxonomy but they get especially bad at it when aliens come up. guys. the aliens would use different systems because they have a separate evolutionary history. or if they used the same system--- why?! how did THAT happen???? see my point about implying absurd things about aliens

"isn't science terrifying" - NO IT'S NOT, THAT'S JUST HOW THINGS ARE???? i hate this attitude and i find it boring. also no offense but i don't get the appeal of writing aliens shaking in their boots at the idea of [earth thing] instead of being excited to find a cool knew thing. like why go into space if you're not enthused by finding out new things and getting to learn about how the universe works. why is the interest in otherworldly biology never mutual. why is it so important to you that aliens be afraid of us and humans be the most specialest darlings in the universe

back to the "conversation" format. i know most people are not scientists so there's no reason to know this, but. most biologists know a lot about one thing and not a lot about everything else. your intro bio professor seems like they know a lot because they know intro bio and you do not. if you started asking in depth questions about, idk, the wrong type of fungus or something, they'd tap out. so it drives me batty when "scientist" characters are written like they're genuinely trying to explain something where most biologists would be like "uh, well, that's not my area of expertise--" like yes I understand part of the appeal of those posts is that some people just like listing things that they know. however one thing that i know is how biologists tend to talk and you're hurting me

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

Hey tumblr artists, my boo @slugdge-boy and I are looking to commission some art for our wedding invitation! FOR REAL ASS MONEY! Since he's an Aussie and I'm an American, we thought it would be cute to have a Beatrix Potter-y possum and opossum kissing (and some flowers around them).

Anyone know a good artist we could commission for this?

Let me be clear, even though we are looking for cute animals in waistcoats, we are NOT looking for furry art. Much love to our furry comrades, but that's not the vibe we want on our wedding invites.

[allsadnshit]

How did you meet your husband? And what was your story like?

I met my husband on tumblr when we were both like 17-18 but actually started dating when we were 24

We were mutuals for many years, just casually friends from different cities with no plans of ever hanging out but would chat sometimes, support each other's art, and recommend music/books

I had mutual friends with him irl because lots of people from my arts high school in Pittsburgh ended up in Philly at Tyler which shared a campus with his school which was funny but we still were really only internet friends till 2020 when during the first lockdown I had been through a break up earlier that year and had spent a lot of time alone and sort of thinking more deeply and uninterrupted than I ever had about romance and love because I was unhappy where I was at. I was also really sick at the time and had been getting more sick for the last 4-5 years without finding the reason why so it was just generally a very life changing moment of needing to soul search on a lot of levels to cope with what was happening.

My long time best friend ended up asking me "If you could date anyone, not just who you know or who's around, who would you ask out?" and I had never thought about it like that because I was very much a creature of comfort and usually dated co workers or friends within my social circles out of availability - but I answered right away with my husband which felt funny because I had not ever actually considered him a "crush" up until that point but I realized he was in my eyes, the coolest person I knew.

So I dm'd him on instagram (which he very rarely used) and said something flirty for the first time like "hey nice birkenstocks, maybe we can wear them together on a lavender farm sometime" not knowing if that would be weird since I had never been suggestive towards him before then but to my surprise he reciprocated hard and fast like no hesitation! We realized it had never occurred to either of us to consider something long distance but that we were both very attracted to each other and the timing just lined up well!

We started texting every day for about a month and I also moved into a new short term lease, and within that month of talking he bought his first car so he could come and meet me. He drove in on a friday after work and didn't get to my house till like 1am, but we just had a really intense emotional/spiritual connecting right away and I think both of realized it was serious very fast. I was actually so nervous that I got constipated to the point he had to drive me to the ER on his last night visiting. I told all the nurses I had just met my true love.

After he had to go back to Philly, he drove back up a month later to stay for a whole week, during which we decided he'd come move in with me for the rest of my 6 month lease and then I'd come move to Philly to be with him. I also realized that for all this to happen, I needed to take a risk and find out what was really going on with me medically, so I also got a diagnostic surgery where they found endometriosis. It was a really hard recovery that he was there for me for, and when I was healed up enough and my lease ended he drove us back to Philly. We got married in 2021 about a year later.

He is the treasure of my life <3

[serene-faerie]

Doriath Dashboard Simulator

🍃 leafyboi Follow

Oh to meet a Maia in Nan Elmoth and just get lost in her eyes for 200 years

#i want whatever thingol has with his wife

( 2,450 notes )

🌳 daily-doriath-pics Following

Neldoreth under the Stars

#doriath photos #sindar #neldoreth #beleriand #middle earth #my pics #night skies

( 600 notes )

🌺 queen-melyanna Follow

Baby girl is growing up quite well.

She's a very curious child, and she has a tendency to glow when she's playing with her toys.

I suppose having a child who is half-Elven and half-Maia can yield some interesting results.

#adventures in parenting

( 190 notes )

🌌 princess-tinuviel Following

Dark hair and rugged beards have got me acting rather.... unwise

#shut up tinuviel #do not rb

( 2 notes )

🌲 beech-girl Mutuals

ngl I did not have "Princess Lúthien falls in love with hairy mortal man in the forest" on my 465 bingo card lmao

#honestly??? good for her #go get that mortal dick!

( 1,569 notes )

🦌 king-elu Follow

Call-out for the Noldor

I cannot believe I am doing this. But it is my duty to inform the people of the deceivers we have been harboring in Doriath.

And yes, this is about Alqualondë and the kinslaying that has been wrought upon Olwë's people.

TW: Violence against Elves, kinslaying, theft and destruction of property, lying, deceit

Read More

#personal

( 350 notes )

🏹 strongestbow Following

Fellas is it gay to hold hands with your human best friend when hunting in the woods together???

( 2,600 notes )

🍁 maidenofneldoreth Mutuals

Just curious:

⭐️ feanors-second-wife Follow

Excuse me???? How are we "treacherous" when the Teleri literally wouldn't give us their ships when we asked???

If they didn't want to be slaughtered, they should've just given us their swanships when we told them to. Besides, the Teleri aren't even Thingol's people! And it's not like your king was there to watch us kill the Teleri! He was literally hiding behind his wife's skirt!

🦋 flutterby-of-nivrim Follow

Wow, what an entitled piece of work you are.

First of all, way to victim-blame the Teleri of Alqualondë. They had every right not to surrender their swanships to a bunch of entitled jerks like you. You guys just stormed their lands, slaughtered them for saying no, then took the ships anyways.

Second of all, I don't understand your logic. So because Thingol wasn't there to see the kinslaying, he shouldn't be angry about it??? Girl, we Sindar are literally descended from the Teleri! Some of us had relatives who were killed in Alqualondë! And King Olwë was Thingol's kinsman! Of course Thingol has every right to be upset about the kinslaying!

Thirdly, Thingol was not "hiding behind his wife's skirt". We were literally fighting Morgoth before you guys even left Aman. We're more familiar with the evils of Morgoth than you Noldorin Elves. The whole reason why the Girdle was put up was because we lost a good chunk of our army.

Lastly, why are you even on the Sindarin side of Tumblr? Shouldn't you be kissing up to the Fëanorian princes on your own blog???

🌼 bloomingblossoms Following

🦋 flutterby-of-nivrim Follow

Lmao they blocked me

Guess I scared 'em good

#typical noldor #they can dish it out but they can't take it #finrod doesn't count tho #he's a sweetie and we all love him

( 8,901 notes )

🕊️ dior-of-doriath Following

Reblog if you think the Fëanorians are gutless, craven cowards

🌿 lord-0roph3r Follow

Damn you just woke up and chose violence today huh?

🕊️ dior-of-doriath Following

Damn right I did

There's two more Silmarils in Morgoth's crown

They can go and steal those for all I care

#no way am i giving up the one that my parents risked their own lives to get #you want em so badly #go on and fight morgoth for the other two you cowards

( 750 notes )

🌸 flowermaidenofmenegroth Follow

Did anyone else have "Thingol gets killed by Dwarves" and "Melian's girdle fails" on their bingo card this year???

#got a bad feeling about doriath's future

( 1,500 notes )

🌱 thr4nduil-the-fair Mutuals

It's been a long journey, but at last, we made it to the Havens of Sirion.

Unfortunately, our king and queen fell in battle, and Menegroth is in ruins. Even worse, we couldn't find the twin boys in the forest. Though I pray that they are alive, deep down, I know that the worst has come to pass.

Luckily, we managed to escort Elwing to safety, but my heart aches for her. She's still so young, and in only one day, she's lost her parents and brothers.

But though her family is gone, I will do my best to help in raising her. I feel that she will grow into a strong young lady one day.

For now, it's time for us to rest. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

From tomorrow, we must start healing.

#personal #ruin of doriath

( 79 notes )

[toc-the-elder]

I forgot it's also the birthday of my former best friend. He was a Tumblr mutual. We were friends for nearly ten years. When I moved here from Qatar, the very first day in this country, I got on a train I had never used before and went all the way to Manchester to meet him. I celebrated my birthday with him a month and a half later. And I celebrated our shared birthday with him every year for eight years straight. We went to gigs together because he was the one person who would tolerate and even enjoy my bizarre niche metal nerd tastes. We hung out together, got trashed together, did drugs together, went to festivals together. I worked for his magazine for him. He got me into gigs, got me interviews with great and frankly massive bands. He got me albums to review weeks or months in advance. He was a good friend.

And then he introduced me to his friend. She seemed nice, I always liked her. And it turns out she always (inexplicably) liked me. And so after years of being friendly, we got together. And she was really very manipulative towards me, to the point where it still mentally fucks with me to this day. And eventually I hit breaking point and told her I'm trans. And she told me she wasn't a lesbian. Which, though it was nice she still considered me female by default, still stung. She told me that my best friend didn't really like me, he found me annoying, and he hated talking to me. And she was right. And I could tell. She has continued to be an awful friend to me, and has finally crossed the line when it comes to ignoring me. If she ever does bother to respond, I will block her. I will not be treated as some annoyance by her.

But after we broke up, he sided with her. I haven't spoken to him in years now. There wasn't any argument or goodbye. He just abruptly stopped messaging me. I lost contact with that entire friend group. It shrank my social circle from small to literally one person: Jack, who has stuck by me through my transition (though I didn't tell him till I was well on my way), and I will hopefully see him for coffee tomorrow.

But my former best friend is engaged now. He's living a nice happy normal life. I often wonder whether he's noticed my transition from my changes on Facebook. I wonder if he even cares. I'm probably so far in the past for him that I most likely don't even factor in to his news feed algorithm.

I'm miserable. I'm still miserable. But I'm happier now. And I turned out kinda hot. And he wasn't there. He stopped talking to me the second he got an excuse to. So yeah, I might be miserable, but at least I'm not bald. Happy birthday my former and oh so much balder best friend.

[somethingwittyandweird]

Dawn of a New Year- 2024

Getting a bit of a later start on this one than last year's, which went out day of. But, there's a few days yet before the fresh shiny coating falls off this new year completely. Plenty of time to do some reflection on the last one and looking forward to this one. So, with that said...

It's been another year that passed for certain. Again, it's been pretty devoid of watershed moments or drastic living situation shifts for me. When I made this post this time last year, I said that I knew a change would happen, but it hadn't happened then and it didn't look as though it would anytime soon. In that, at least, the projection didn't change. And this is good! Like it was last year, it says a lot that I'm in a comfortable and secure environment on nobody's timetable to change but my own. That's a blessing of a sort that I wouldn't take for granted.

But, if there's anything that does differ from last year to this, I get the impress I'm closer to that change. Literally, in the broad sense that time is constantly moving me closer to every future point. But, it's also in a more specific sense- the things that I know are going to change haven't changed yet, but I feel like they're closer to it than they were last time this post rolled by. If nothing else, this year I'll have to get my own health insurance, so that's the first sign that the times of change are rolling in. That's why I intend to look into that over the coming months, and in the process, potentially look into other things too. It's finally time for part of that uncertain change to come at me for certain, so I'd better meet it head on.

But, before we get there, that's not to say I did nothing this year at all. It was another good year of time spent with friends, in online communities familiar and new- being in tabletop sessions, sitting in voice calls, chilling in plenty of livestreams, and much more. I'm lucky again to be part of so many communities of people from all over the world, and I'm lucky to be finding more such communities to join all the time. It means the world to me whenever a friend or mutual decides I'd be a good addition to an undiscovered circle of theirs.

I posted all my swordtember art to Tumblr this year, realizing that I had as much audience here as any other site, and I intend to keep that going as long as I'm around. I could resolve to try and draw more things outside of that month, but conjuring creative inspiration on command remains a difficult prospect. That said, I think it would be wonderful if the year ahead had a big project in store that I could really get the gears turning with. I'm optimistic about the possibility.

I already made my post about the games that I enjoyed in 2023, and I'm delighted here at the end of the year to report that here at the end of the year I'm within sight of the endings to a few more backlog titles (Just to name one, in between now and then I've beaten the main story of Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia and I'm working on the postgame). Along with these, this year had me flipping out when The Owl House's final episodes aired, and the wry, informative humor of Well There's Your Problem began accompanying my work commute. For 2024, I don't know if there's any particular media I'm anticipating (most of my home franchises chose this past year for their new entry) but even so I'm certain I'll find something new to check out. Perhaps it'll be a good year to get into one or more of the series my friends have long raved about...

As I write all this up, I would like to give a special shoutout to one of the aforementioned new friends/friend circles that I came into in 2023: @skysometric. Aside from being funny, a great friend, and just a general boon to know, something I really have enjoyed about coming into her space is seeing how intentional her online presence is. From her custom website to her commentary posts on her projects to the way she uses her blog as, of all things, a blog in the original and traditional sense, she puts herself out there very visibly, creating and urging others to create by example. And I've come to really appreciate that.

That's the thing about existing online: you have to be speaking up for your presence to be felt. Being around is one thing, but if you never say a word, it can be easy to just be one username of many. And as someone who trends towards simply lurking and being around myself, there's nothing wrong with that. But, for as much as I enjoy seeing the things my friends get up to, I think I could be a little more visible in talking about my own activities- give them more of a chance to enjoy seeing what I'm up to. I want to be present in other people's lives as much as they are in mine.

I said it last year, but it bears repeating: I don't get to know how long someone's in my life for. Websites can close, friend groups can drift apart, people can leave this life for the next. Perhaps I think too much about the fact that someday that change will come. But since I don't get to know that and can't do anything about that, the only thing I really can do is cherish others now, and let the future be its own concern. And I intend to.

Thank you, all of my dear friends and beloved mutuals. I hope I can keep sharing this online space with you for a long time to come. You brighten my days with your presence. I hope 2024 has good things in store for you, be that strength, love, reassurance, a much-needed sea change, or whatever you've been needing in your life. Once again, the best year I can wish for is one where every day is better than the last, and every evening we all go to bed just a little more improved than the evening before.

Happy 2024.

[theswarmanthology]

Kay, 23, Washington, D.C.

"I’ve been on tumblr since 2012, and only got into mcrblr in 2016-2017. Since then, I’ve made so many incredible mutuals and friends."

Fast Facts:How long have you been a fan?: 9+ years Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: No, this tour was my first time seeing MCR How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 2-4 Favorite album: Conventional Weapons Show experience out of 10: 10 Did you cry at your show?: I'm still crying right now

Which date of the tour did you attend? 09/11/22, Barclays Center, Brooklyn, NY, Night 2

When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab? My brother gave me these tickets for my 22nd birthday, and we finally got to go over a year later!

Did you attend with anyone else? My brother

What did you wear? I wore an old school mcr shirt with ripped black jeans, fingerless gloves, a beanie, and of course, the eyeliner!

Where were your seats? We were in the nosebleeds on Ray’s side!

What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show? Hearing Famous Last Words after so many years singing along to it solo was like nothing else

What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it? I really wanted to hear Burn Bright, but it wasn’t played that night

What was your favorite moment from the show? The Desert Song encore!

What was the most unexpected moment from the show? The Desert Song encore, I don’t think anyone was expecting it!

Did you snag any merch? What pieces? I got the long sleeve tour shirt, both button packs, the green SWARM water bottle, and the “Thank You for the Venom” tote bag!

Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show? I mentioned this before, but screaming along to Famous Last Words with thousands of other people after so many years whispering it to myself changed my life. It felt like I truly belonged

If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be? I wish I could have been a bit closer to the stage so I could’ve seen them better

Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way? Yes, I have the utmost respect for who they are as artists and people. I idolized them before, but once you’ve seen them live, it changes the whole way you view them. I can’t put it into words, it’s just something you have to experience.

What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future? Get ready to be blown away! I recommend going with a buddy, stadium shows can be overwhelming, with all the people and lights and noise. Have a place to meet up after the show if you get separated while leaving.

Anything we didn't ask that you feel obliged to share or talk about? I would like to thank the mcr tumblr for being so welcoming and open. They’ve given me wonderful friends and memories that I will cherish forever.

Thanks, Kay! They can be found on Tumblr at @cosmictequila and Twitter at the same handle.

[the-daily-scrommit]

January 4, 2023

Hello tumblr! This is the start of my (hopefully) daily journals as a record of my happenings and emotional processing. This was suggested to me by one of my friends, and instead of putting it off to do in a physical journal when I felt "good enough" to, I am making this tumblr blog/project about it. Continue reading if you would like to follow me on this healing journey :)

Jan 4, 2023 - First entry // CW: breakup

To catch everyone up, here are some background details: my partner of a year and a half broke up with me right after Christmas and before New Year on the 29th of December. They and I have been doing our best to learn how to affectively be friends with each other because a friendship wasn't something we'd had with each other until this point. We became romantically involved too soon after meeting each other that there was no time to develop that friendship prior to a romance, and once we started dating, the romantic relationship we had already formed took our focus away from building a friendship until the near end of our relationship.

Moving forward this last week has been very difficult for me. It was a week ago tonight that our relationship really started to feel like it was coming to an ending with them telling me that they weren't sure if they wanted to break up or not. The morning and few days after this, even following the breakup (a week ago tomorrow), I felt hopeful of finding them again at some point, like this was not an ending or new beginning but instead a pause or breath between the two of us, like I could look forward to the potential of us getting back together sometime in the far future when the time was right. After all, they did tell me that we were the right people at the wrong time, so surely, the universe would show me when the right time is.

This was until yesterday and the night before last. I had asked for and done what felt like dozens of readings on this situation in various contexts and perspectives. Through oracle, tarot, and runes, I was continuously told that I needed to move on and let go; this was nothing I was surprised about and already knew, though it hadn't fully set in emotionally. Yesterday, a mutual friend of my ex and I told me that I should give up hope, and that giving up hope entirely would be the best and only way for me to continue healing. From there, my hope felt lost.

My ex and I had talked occasionally the last few days of the potential of us getting back together romantically in the future. They told me that it would be a favorable outcome for them, while reminding me that nothing is ever guaranteed. They've always been extremely real and honest with me, even when the honesty may be painful. I'll always admire them for that.

Today I expressed to them that I had a difficult time believing that they did love and miss me as a partner, and that they actually would like to get back together with me. They explained that they couldn't say that they wanted to get back together with me platonically, which is why they couldn't be vulnerable about that with me yet. In the moment I didn't understand. I thought, "How could you want to be back together with me romantically if you get to the point where you are able to say this platonically?" They explained to me when I expressed my confusion and lack of understanding, and I now have mental clarity of what they meant.

Today they also are going out with someone they met on a dating app. They told me that they were looking for company right now, and not intentionally looking for anything more. I believe them, even though my pain in the moment made it hard to be confident in that belief. Having had the chance to sit and process has made this all make more sense to me as they had explained it. It would be hard for them to find something else romantic so soon after their first real romance, and it would be even harder for them to actively look for that. They will not stop loving me anytime soon, despite how difficult I can be to love. They loved me for a year and a half, so truly and deeply, and that isn't something that will go away in a short week or even month.

I told a friend about this. They didn't understand how this could be helpful to me and that was frustrating. I tried to get them to understand that this transparency and brutal honesty is something that is genuinely helping me process and work through my own emotions, in addition to helping me gain confidence in my new friendship with my ex-partner. They ended the conversation with me and went to bed and I contacted another friend to express my frustrations.

I am currently on the phone with them, sitting without talking as I write this post. Their company is providing me comfort and mental clarity as I write this. I love this friend very dearly and would not be dealing with everything as well as I have been without their support.

There is still time left in the night. I hope that my ex has the energy to call me later and talk about their night, because I do genuinely want to hear about it, though I realize the potential for some details may cause me momentary discomfort or pain. I've enjoyed my phone calls with them as our relationship has transitioned from something romantic to a new friendship where the two of us are figuring things out again but also for the first time together. Genuine, lengthy phone conversations are something I never got much of when the two of us were the most romantically involved.

I may update later in the night if anything else of substance follows. If not, I will post another entry tomorrow about whatever progresses. I'm expecting tomorrow to be a lonely day for me, with no work and a great potential to be stuck inside due to current unfortunate whether happenings.

Thank you to whoever has read along with me this far. Thank you to myself for being gentle and creating a space for release. I deserve care and gentleness and god dammit, I will create that for myself.

Goodnight, take care; I am sending you love.

[endlessdreamerxoxo]

"Stop this War"

I will try to be nice with this post, but I really dislike people telling Hellcheer shippers to stop this war with st*ddies in the name of peace and harmony. Although, I do like the sentiment. I really do. I just can't be quiet about the bold harassment and the unnecessary toxicity against something I like and people I admire for their creativity. And I really do question whether those people truly understand the fundamental problem that Hellcheer shippers have with toxic st*ddies and the scope of the situation in general.

I'm checking the A03 tags as I write this post up and currently

we (Hellcheer) have 956 works on the website.

Steddie have 7,013 works on the website.

And Harringrove (a ship that has been around since 2017) has 8,415 works on the website.

For a better comparison, that means that Steddie has exactly 1,402 fics to go to meet the cumulative effort of 5 years hard work in a less than 3 months since the official creation of the ship. That's utterly insane. And if we did that math again, Steddie has 6,057 more fics than Hellcheer. That's the fucking scope that we are dealing with.

Their ship is the Lusitania, while our ship is a rowboat.

Many of us have always say this over and over, we were minding our business for a good solid week or two (I came around June 9th into the tumblr fandom) before claims were being made about Chrissy's age. Personally I didn't even know that people were shipping Steve x Eddie (cause they have no chemistry in my eyes) because no one was talking about them in the 'edssy' tags and I don't have twitter. People were just making fanart and other things to celebrate our cute ship. So I literally discovered Steddie's existence as we got called out for  p*dophilia (which is not the correct term, but go off) and homophobia. From my viewpoint, we got dragged into a shipping war against our will as we kicked and screamed at the the top of our lungs that we didn't want a war. I know for my "Joe Quinn was Right" posts, I danced around my actual feelings to preserve peace and minimize hate. I know a lot of my mutuals did that and continue to do that with those who are stalking their accounts and sending them threats. We have been vocal about not caring whether someone ships St*ddie or Hellcheer. Nevertheless, we are also been very clear to point the obvious flaws in shipping Steddie and or their sketchy behavior, while acting as holy than thou than the rest of the fandom:

The misogynistic harassment of Grace (and Amybeth).

The biphobia and bi erasure.

The fetishization of attractive white gay men.

The constant whining for some or better wIw rep in Ronance, but than ignoring the canonical lesbian ship of Rockie in the show or failing to give Ronance the same amount of love as your mIm ship.

Only making Chrissy a lesbian because they want her away from Eddie under the guise of allyship.

The stealing of lines from other scenes or characters in order to make their ship more cute and fluffy.

The mass reporting of Hellcheer artwork.

The invalidation of people's queer identities/sexualities because they ship a heterosexual ship (or a straight passing if they see it that way).

The obsessive nature that people have formed a parasocial bond with Joe Quinn to the point where they are assuming his sexuality, stalking his family's social media for pics where he was a minor for some twisted reason, and harassing him on his family vacation.

Like we can't bring up those facts because we don't want a shipping war? We didn't even bring up those fact until recently because we have been poked for a entire two months straight. Grace literally thought her safety was in danger, going to an con because her friend was attending the same event. Are you really telling us not to say anything? Are you telling them to mind their own business and go to their corner of their internet with their 7,013 fics and their shit ton of fanart? Because the reality is this extremely tiny Hellcheer squad can't stop this war. Even if we decided not to call people out and did our own thing, people would still be harassed and made to feel like crap about themselves for liking this ship. Even if Joe came out tomorrow and say stop this war, toxic St*ddies would think that Grace is holding him hostage at knife point. St*ddies are the only one who can stop this war, but they wouldn't until they get Steve x Eddie as canon (which they will never have). We are truly just trying to defend ourselves and just want to be left alone.

[star-puff]

announcement !

i've been drafting this post in my head for months tbh but i'm just gonna start it off & get straight to the point: i'm leaving tumblr!

well, i (meg, of tumblr user star-puff acclaim) am leaving tumblr, more specifically, haikyuu fic tumblr. this probably does not come as a surprise to a lot of you considering my past activity over the past few months (or lack thereof), but like i said before i'd been thinking about leaving tumblr ever since june of last year. the original plan was to leave at the end of summer 2021 because i'd Assumed i would have finished at least One of my series by then but . but well :") turns out it was more difficult than i thought to meet that deadline :"")

(skip the end of the post to get the important @s and links to where i'll be next :) )

why i'm leaving:

there were a lot of reasons why i wanted to leave back then, and i won't really get into it in This post; i feel like what i felt back then was a common sentiment in the community and digging into that can of worms unwarranted is a bit . yknow, lmao. but if someone is still curious i'll still answer, because to a certain degree what i felt back then is a reason of why i'm leaving Now. the real reason i'm actually leaving though is because i've just lost all motivation for writing haikyuu fic. call it the loss of hyperfixation or me just becoming too busy to write and be online like i used to, or just me being tired of it all, but at some point writing for this blog started to feel less of an outlet and more like an obligation or a chore. it didn't really help that a good chunk of my friends & mutuals on this corner of hqblr had already left and my interaction as a whole was just looking a little ... 🤕, and it didn't really show signs of getting any better with all my time offline either. i'm saying this as objectively as possible, but i feel like there just isn't really a place for me here anymore, at least a place that anyone would really care to visit or stay at anymore, so i'm just going to cut my losses and not overstay my welcome more than i already have :) /gen

what about strawberry marmalade?

i really am sorry for those who were looking forward to seeing me finish strawmarm, but the way things are looking ... </3 i'll probably be uploading all of my long fics over to my ao3 and see if i ever come back to writing and finishing strawmarm, because i really Did have it all planned out,,, but well . you know where we are now :") long story short, strawmarm is discontinued unless i miraculously get hyperfixated on haikyuu and that embarrassingly stupid strawberry man again

okay? what now 🤨🤨:

i'll be leaving this blog up as an archive! i honestly thought about deleting it but after thinking it over i think i'd end up missing and regretting it if i did, so i'm leaving it up for the memories (i'm sentimental and sappy like that ... cringe ik :/). i'll probably leave another post before i leave giving the same links in an easier to read format without all this ... [gestures above] LMAO but you can find my new tumblr @togeqii and my ao3 @/togeqi :) if any mutuals want my discord feel free to ask too!

in any case, this was star-puff's meg!

i'll stay until next week to say my goodbyes and answering any asks that get sent in (if they get sent in 🤕🤕) before i log out of this account for good but yeah! thank you for indulging in my brainrot and word vomit for a year and a half, thank you for those who stuck with me since the beginning and thank you to those who joined along the way. you all really did make me smile through the toughest times <3 thank you to all of my mutuals, those who were stayed Friends On Dash and those who became more than that :) and this is sappy but yuren if you end up reading this, thank you for writing fic that inspired me to make this blog in the first place :) you're a real one for that <3

lots of love, always, even till the end <3

[leftoverenvy]

Tastes Like Sugar (ch. 2)

Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades.  Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune.  The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend.  As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur.  But money can't buy love, right?

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: eventual smut; sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18); very slow burn

Word Count: 2.3k

Emily's POV!

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Tumblr

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle 🦭; @milfprotector 🐝💚; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @scargarcia-magshotchner 💜; @hotchs-bitch ; @multiverse-mxdness ; @sadgirlml ; @spencersendgame

Chapter 2 - Forced Proposal

Emily's POV: I was sitting in the bullpen, trying to finish my last report for the day, but I couldn't focus.  Paperwork days were the bane of my existence.  I wanted to be out in the field talking with families, or in the interrogation room questioning suspects.  I pulled the pen, fresh with new teeth marks, out of my mouth and sighed.

I urged myself to finish this report; if I finished this one, I could go home.  But even that wasn't as big an incentive as I'd like.  There was nothing for me waiting there.  Even though I had felt lonely in my last relationship, now – since splitting with JJ – I was lonely AND alone.  It had never bothered me before, but I had several big events scheduled over the next few months.  It didn't help that the last tabloid read, "Ms. Prentiss seen alone once again at Senator Kane's birthday party."  I didn't want to see that again the morning after a social function.

I had never minded being alone before.  In fact, being alone was required during my time with Interpol.  I thought taking this job at the BAU would help me have a more normal schedule and be able to put roots down.  Dating my coworker was the wrong way to do that.  But truthfully, I had no way to put roots down because I didn't meet anyone outside the walls of this bullpen.

I quickly scribbled a last note on this shit report.  It was well-below my standards, but I didn't care anymore.  I quickly packed up my briefcase and stood up to go home.

"Prentiss!" Rossi, standing in the doorway of his office, shouted from across the bullpen.  I snapped my head up and raised an eyebrow at him.  "Come here!" he shouted again, waving his hand to draw me in his office.  I had been so close to sneaking out undetected. 

I wound my way through the bullpen, up the stairs, and towards his office.  "What?" I asked, a bit too curtly.

"Hey now!" he responded defensively.  "Don't bite my head off yet.  You don't even know what I was going to say."

"I'm sorry, Rossi," I apologized remorsefully.  "Really.  I'm just tired."

"It was a long day of boring paperwork."  He let me off the hook with a smile.

So I could get home quicker, I asked, "What did you need?"

"I noticed you haven't dated since JJ…"

My eyes widened so far I thought they might fall out of my skull.  Because dating coworkers was forbidden, JJ and I had kept things a secret.  Well, I thought we had kept things a secret.  "How-"

He held up a hand.  "Don't worry; I didn't tell anyone."  That wasn't the issue, but I was too embarrassed to say anything, so he continued.  "I don't think anyone else knew either.  Anyway!" he stopped himself, "I did something for you.  And before you go poo-pooing the idea, just hear me out."  Oh boy.  This couldn't be going anywhere good.

I bit at my fingernail, anxious to hear what he did.  "What is it?" I mumbled.  He flipped his computer around to show me a social media page with a picture of me I had never seen at the top.  I looked closer trying to figure out where that picture was taken, but upon closer examination, I noticed it wasn't a social media page; it was a sugar baby website.

"ROSSI!" I gasped, outraged.  I reached for his computer.

"I said don't poo-poo it immediately!" he reminded, pulling his computer out of my reach.

"Delete that!" I commanded.  "Now!"  I couldn't believe him.  I didn't need some vapid, materialistic sugar baby feigning interest in me just to get a diamond necklace and a Louis Vuitton.  I wasn't that lonely.

"This doesn't have to be serious," he said, still trying to get me on board.  "It's just for fun.  If you hate it, you can rub it in my face and lord it over me for the rest of our lives.  I'll even let you say 'I told you so.'  But just try," he begged.  "Don't delete it yet.  Give it a chance."

"Why should I?"  I was a bit hostile now; this was incredibly offensive.  But as I thought about it, I realized I wasn't going to meet anyone any time soon.  And the thought of showing up to the next event without a date, to hear my mother go on and on about how I must be doing something wrong, was unbearable.  Even if it were a fake date, I would not hear my mother criticize me for being single again. 

"There's nothing wrong with a little companionship, Emily.  Here," he handed me a paper, "Take this; it's the log-in info.  Just give it a try."

I was already on board, but hell if I was going to tell Rossi I was doing this.  "No."  I heard him sigh as I walked out of his office.  "Have a good night!" I threw over my shoulder.

I rushed home, called for takeout, took a shower, and then flopped on the couch.  David's log-in info, my log-in info, burned my hand as I held it and stared at my computer.  He already made it, I reminded myself.  Curiosity got the better of me and I logged in.  I was blown away by the twenty-six notifications I already had.  But first things first, change the password so David couldn't check up on me.

I then clicked on my profile to see what David set up.  I smirked.  He way underestimated my net worth.  There was no need to change it though; it was already quite high.  I marveled at my profile picture.  It was lovely.  Somehow David got a nice shot of me secretly taken on the jet.  I decided if I was going to do this, I'd go all out.  I added one of me in a nice suit taken at some past event.  I rolled my eyes at the memory of my mother chastising me for wearing a suit.

I clicked on the little bell icon to scroll through my notifications.  Each profile was nearly identical.  They were all obviously catered to what they thought someone would want to hear.  "Will show you the best time for small allowance" or "Looking for someone to spoil me and I'll spoil you in return ;)"  I rolled my eyes at each profile and then sighed, embarrassed that I had let myself get excited about this when I knew this was exactly how it was going to be.  I didn't need a brainless idiot only seeking a few bucks.  Anger swelled in my chest that David forced my hand in this.

I almost shut it down, but then I saw something different – someone different: India Mae.  My heart fluttered and my breathing increased.  She was gorgeous.  The first thing I noticed were her huge, brown eyes.  They were deep and somehow safe.  I knew I could lose myself in them forever, uncovering the world's lost secrets.  She had a video posted of her onstage at what looked like a piano recital.  She was extremely talented and obviously enjoyed music immensely.   You could see the passion exude from her as she played.  She was, in a word, stunning.  Seeing someone genuinely display parts of their personality, things she truly cared about, was a refreshing change from the dozens of profiles I had just scrolled through.

Her bio discussed her drive to finish her degree and her financial difficulties.  Education and music were important to me, as well.  I would be more than happy to help her pay for her degree.  I looked back to her profile picture, entranced by those guileless eyes once more.  Perhaps Rossi's plan wasn't so bad after all.  I hit the like button faster than a lightning strike.  I couldn't leave anything up to chance.  I wanted to message her as soon as possible.

"India, You've caught my eye.  You are absolutely stunning – I'm not convinced you're real.  I can tell this isn't usual for you, as it is not for me.  I'd love to hear more about your music tastes and how you got started playing the piano.  You are incredibly talented, by the way.  Your video took my breath away.

Briefly about me: I'm Emily.  I'm thirty-eight and I work for the FBI.  I went to Yale for undergrad and then studied psychological profiling.  I have demanding hours, which is why my friend basically forced me to do this.  If you can handle my work schedule, I'd be very interested in getting to know you more.

In my free time, I enjoy going to the symphony, reading, and drawing.  My favorite medium's charcoal, and when I have time off, I'm usually always covered in charcoal dust.  Ha.

India, I sincerely hope to hear from you.  I can already tell you're different than anyone else I would find on this site.

Sincerely, Emily"

Because she was young, I expected an immediate response, anticipating she'd always be on her computer or phone.  As the minutes ticked by, I grew impatient.  And then anxious.  And then embarrassed.  She was gorgeous, and young, and smart, and talented.  What the fuck would she want with me?  She was obviously ignoring me.  Maybe Rossi's plan was just as bad as I had originally thought.

Ding!  I laughed as I saw "India Mae messaged you" scroll across my screen.  I was utterly absurd.

"Emily, Thanks for reaching out.  I don't know if I would say I'm different from everyone else on this site, but you are right about this definitely being unusual for me.  And it sounds like we were both forced to join by overly meddlesome friends.  My best friend forced me to make this profile, basically under threat of death lol.  But it seems to be looking up 😌

Thank you for the sweet compliments.  I've been playing the piano as long as I can remember.  I always knew it would be something I'd want to pursue as a career.  Music is more than just a hobby to me.  I've been wanting to learn how to play the guitar, as well, but I guess I only really have time for one instrument right now.

Wow!  You sound very busy, indeed!  What exactly is psychological profiling?  And what do you like to draw?  Landscapes?  Portraits?  I'm hopeless as an artist.  Maybe you could give me a few pointers.

Thanks again for sending a message.  I hope we can get to know each other better too ☺️"

I was completely giddy.  It was a bit ridiculous how excited I was by each of her responses.  As we messaged back and forth, my interest in her only grew.  She was fascinating.  To hear her describe playing sounded like a holy experience to her.  I didn't feel that way about drawing, but perhaps I never allowed myself to lose myself in my art like that. 

The website was tedious and slow to use.  After about half an hour of IMing, I sent a message that said, "India, would it be too forward to ask for your phone number already? It would be easier for me to text…" and I listed my phone number.  I was pleased that I heard my phone vibrate against the coffee table nearly immediately

Unknown Number: Hi :) It's me. I actually go by Indi

I couldn't help but smile.  Of course she went by Indi.  It somehow suited her perfectly.  I quickly saved her number and texted her back.

Emily: Tell me more about you?

Indi: I'm not sure what you really want to know, but I grew up in a small town in Washington state. No siblings, and my parents died in a car wreck a few years ago. It's, ultimately, what helped me feel okay about going so far away for school. Washington to Washington (DC). It's been hard, so much change, but there was nothing left for me in Washington. And having my roommate has been amazing. She's one of the best people I know. She's one of those people that basically just embodies sunshine. I'd be lost without her. Anyway, when I'm not drowning in piano practice or waiting tables, I try to read as much as possible.

My heart ached to hear she had lost her parents, her entire support system, so early in life.  But I admired her all the more for making her way in life with very little.  This did satisfy my curiosity why her parents weren't helping her with school.  I tried to reign my privilege in – not everyone had parents that could help them with going to college.  Not everyone had a seemingly endless trust fund.  I was also concerned about her working.  I'd have to – delicately – ask if she would be willing to forego work during our arrangement.  That is, if she wanted to pursue an arrangement.   Don't put the cart before the horse, Em.

Indi: Your turn :)

Indi: Actually, hold that thought. I am exhausted. I had a rough day and I'd just like to go to sleep. I'm really glad you messaged me, Emily. Talk tomorrow?

Emily: Definitely. I'm sorry to hear you had a tough day. Sleep well, sweet girl

I wanted to add a kissy face but didn't because 1) I wasn't quite sure how, and 2) I thought it a bit much for the first night.  I laid down on my couch, clutching my phone, already a fool over this girl.  What had Rossi gotten me into?

_ _ _

Continue to next chapter

[allsadnshit]

Sorry if this is too personal but how/when did you know your husband was the person you were going to marry?

sort of right away sort of after a long time depending on how you look at it! he wasn't some random person I met for a date, I followed his tumblr since I was in high school and just always thought he was a really funny cool artist and left it at that for years and years till I flirted with him for the first time on social media when we were 24. So in some ways we were aware of each other in a completely non romantic way for a long long time and didn't live in the same city so it all felt irrelevant. but when I was going through some very big life transitions it got me thinking about looking outside of my small dating pool and considering who i'd like to meet if being nearby wasn't as much of a factor...and he was the very first person/ first choice i made to strike up a convo and he showed immediate interest the second i said something flirty outside of our normal mutual friendly polite rapport

we texted constantly for a month before he bought a car to drive and meet me and stayed with me for a weekend. I think I knew within that 48 hours we spent together that I wanted to marry him, or in general that our relationship was make or break, and not casual in any sense for either of us.

we were still nervous to marry of course! we didn't take that decision lightly at all. but i think people expect to answer a lot of life questions before marriage that can't ever really be answered. i really trusted my feelings! the best things in life come with courage and risk in my opinion, and when you keep one foot out the door...you get one foot out the door relationships! that's just common sense!

we were engaged within a few months of meeting, married in about a year, and went through a lot together moving to my city then his! we both sacrificed a lot, changed a lot, and also had really scary difficult fights and situations, even breaking up for 1 whole day when we were engaged before having probably our most important conversation heart to heart we ever had! there's really no secret recipe. i think attraction matters. intention matters. commitment matters. and enthusiasm matters!

things are what you make them. you can't get back more than you give! all that. maybe i'm just lucky though! i wouldn't know at this point! i just know i am with my one and only.

[veryredd]

Closure

Tim drake x reader

A/n: i did consider having a posting schedule then I remembered my workload

Hahahaha help

Another A/n: I tried to do paragraphs without the format but for some reason Tumblr was like haha you wish

I wanna cry

.

.

You were sat in both your favourite café

Patiently waiting for tim

As usual, he is always on time

"hi"

You said with a smile as he pulled out his chair to sit down

"hello"

He return with a soft smile

"thank you for meeting with me"

"of course how could I not"

While waiting for his drink to arrive, both of you started a small talk as a way to lighten things up before a long overdue conversation

.

"so (y/n)......"

"..... Yea it's difficult"

"I mean I'll be honest I never saw it coming"

"neither did I, but here we are"

What were you both talking about?

.

 Well you both are were lovers

You guys didn't exactly break up

But there was a mutual understanding that you guys no longer love each other like you use to

You both were inseparable

Even before the romance

Everyone who knew the both of you would say you were each other counterparts

Hell even both of you envision your lives together, starting a family, retiring

It was pretty straight forward

You guys did everything right but

.

You both just drifted apart

Your love for each other slowly faded

There was never a reason for it

Or even small accumulated incidences

It just

happened

.

"look Tim, the past three years with you is one of the best part of my life. I'm happy I to have met you. I...... I enjoyed the memories we shared and I'm sure I will miss it after."

"yeah I'm glad that I met you. It was an amazing three years. I'll definitely miss you."

"I.. I never expected this I'll be honest"

"same. I thought I could never live without you"

"haha I guess we proved your theory wrong. If you told me last year that we aren't going to last, I would've laugh in your face and said nice joke"

"yeah I never thought I get married to anyone else but you"

"sometimes I wonder what went wrong"

"nothing did, we've just drifted. Grown up, grown out of our love"

"I guess ...... *sighs* I'm not ready to go, not quite yet"

"neither am I.... But we have to."

You gave him a watery smile

"maybe..... It's going to be difficult without you"

"I imagine it be haha"

That laughter was not one filled with joy but filled with sorrow

.

"where will you go (y/n)?"

"I dunno. I got a few places in mind"

He held your hand in an attempt to comfort you

You smiled to him with tears starting to form at your eyes

He shared a similar expression

.

"god Tim I dunno what happen honestly. Some part of me feels that we could have salvaged this but some part of me also knows that it's just meant to be"

"I mean I get what you mean but then again if it was really salvageable, we wouldn't be here"

.

"hey Tim"

"yeah"

"are you happy?"

"yes. Are you?"

"..... Yes"

"then I guess we don't really need a reason. Our love for each other just faded but we are both happy where we are"

"you are right. I guess we really just needed some closure"

"..."

"I'm gonna miss this you know"

"I know (y/n), I know"

"thank you for everything"

You smiled at him, the feeling of regret but relief behind those eyes of yours

You know this is the last time you will see him

He is a busy man after all

And so are you

.

You got up just as he got up from his seat

"how about one last walk to our favourite spot"

"... Sure"

Hand in hand, walking towards the park

You trying to enjoy your last moments with each other

"we're here"

"we are"

.

He turns his body to face you

You turned your body facing him

He places his hand on your cheek, cupping your face

"may I?"

He looked to your lips

"yea"

One last kiss before parting ways

It was sweet and sincere

The cold wind blowing

Your lips parted as you whispered 'thank you' under your breath

.

Both of you started walking in opposite directions

It made you think back

You remembered a saying once, that you'll fall in love with three people in your life

.

The first love, the young one. You'll grow apart, call it quit over the dumbest thing and looking back at it, you might not think it was love.

The second love, the hard one. You get hurt in this one, it includes pains, lies betrayal, but ultimately teaches you what is good and bad in love, what you like and don't like about love.

The third love, it comes blindly. It creeps up silently, you don't go looking for it, it comes to you. No matter how you try not to, you can't keep your walls up. You'll care for them without trying to. They are not your usual type. You would want to have a family with them, grow old with them.

.

You would say Tim is your second love

There wasn't any betrayals, sure some pain but it was normal

Sure there were some ups and downs but ultimately, it was the one that defined what love meant for you

.

You would find a partner and settle down

Have a family together with them

Your children will ask you who besides your partner you had loved before

Your first thought would be him

How he showed you that you were worth so much more then you perceived yourself as

You would see his name in the headlines announcing his fiancée, his marriage

You would send him a letter to congratulate him

His name would pop up every once in a while

But you both continue your lives knowing that that closure had opened up a new chapter in life and you both would forever be grateful for it

[gothhisoka]

𝖂𝖔𝖗𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕 (𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔 𝖝 𝕱𝖊𝖒𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗)

Title: Worship

Pairing: Chrollo x Femreader

Warnings: Smut, minors DNI, 18+, explicit content

Word Count: 3116 (I promise it is worth it. Oh god is it worth it)

Note: This is from my cross-published fanfic called Hunter University! It is available if you click here on Wattpad and AO3. My fanfic is x OC, but I upload x Reader versions of some chapters here on Tumblr. In short, it is a dark academia college AU with Chrollo as the main love interest.

Background: You are an artist in college and Chrollo is your fellow classmate. You just returned from a night out at a ball, drunk. Chrollo appeared at the door to your dorm room as he promised he would after you danced with one another at the ball.

Chrollo was surprised you looked so intact. He was sure you would come waddling to the door in pajamas as you did the last time he visited your room. Although it had been an hour since the ball ended, your makeup hadn't smudged a bit. Sure, it was faded, and your hair was significantly messier, but overall you looked as remarkable as you did at the start of the ball.

Your tired eyes widened with surprise at the sight of him. He was just as unimpaired as you were. Though now he was missing his suit jacket. His hair had become slightly disheveled, losing its styled waves. He still had on those signature silver rings and little cross earrings.

You attempt to soak in his sight with your intoxicated brain. He looked even more captivating in this particular state.

“Hi…” was all you could utter.

“Can I come in?”

You realized he was waiting for your permission. He didn’t need it.

You stepped aside to let him in and shut the door. Your room was the same as the last time he saw it, with your drawings hung on the walls and lights strung above the desk. Their small bulbs reflected against the night-stained window.

Upon shutting the door, the tension noticeably rose. It was dark in the small space and you were alone. Chrollo took his black dress shoes off near the door, placing them neatly side by side.

So he plans on staying. You tried to hide a smile. The hour of his visit was surely suspicious. There could be only one thing on his mind.

"So what're you doing here?" you spoke nonchalantly, acting like you didn't just fantasize about what could happen in the next few minutes.

Chrollo opened and shut his mouth, his response escaping him. He turned back to you and used his eyes to convey a craving far deeper than any words could admit.

"I said I would come to find you, didn't I?" He said lowly.

He had begun to walk around the room, absentmindedly stopping at a piece of art from time to time. You were too tired to care. The collection included nature scenes, portraits of people he didn't recognize, anatomy studies, and...

He paused, noticing a drawing on the wall behind the place where the door would otherwise be covering.

It was a full-body anatomy study of yourself. To be specific, it would fit further in the category of a glorified nude. It was on a miniature piece of parchment sketched in charcoal. It was obviously you: the woman had your (hair color) hair and distinct mouth and nose. The paper was hardly noticeable amongst the scatter of papers. You wouldn't see it unless you had a careful eye such as that of Chrollo.

You hardly noticed when he reached the particular spot on your wall. Your tiredness had waned significantly with Chrollo's entrance, but it still fogged your mind.

Additionally, you had long forgotten about your secret behind-the-door location for your drawings that were not meant to be seen by a single soul.

Chrollo attempted to hide a mysterious smile. He turned to you, “You draw wonderfully.”

“Thanks?” you reply, with more question in your tone than you hoped to show.

The heat in the room shot through the roof. You were sure if you checked the temperature it would be well above its normal chilly state. Perhaps it was the heat in your cheeks that was causing such a change.

“So…” he began.

“So,” you replied, trying to avoid eye contact. Please, just let it happen already.

You thought you had a good idea of why he had come to your room at one o'clock in the morning after a night of drinking and questionably close dancing. You couldn't be certain, though, because that was just how he was: unpredictable and exceedingly complicated.

You didn’t think him so complicated as to not be able to admit why he was at your room, though.

You waited as he thought about what to say next. This is taking too damn long.

Luckily, you prepared an excuse. You never failed to come ready for something you could expect. And this, the direction in which your encounter is headed, is inevitable. You had been rehearsing the line in your head for the duration of their conversation like reviewing terms for a test.

This was the only way to test if your assumptions are correct.

Blame it on the champagne if I am wrong. But I really hope I'm right.

You look directly at him. Time to be daring.

You took a breath and did your best to look directly at him, "Well, I actually do need some help. You see, this dress is quite difficult to take off by myself..."

Walking towards him, you place a hand at the hem of your dress. Your delicate fingers wrap around its lacy fabric.

Chrollo looked amused. He sizes you up, looking from your hand holding the hem of your dress to your unfazed expression. Unfazed, yet your cheeks were slowly turning a shade of scarlet. Nice try, Chrollo thought.

He gestured, "Turn around."

You obeyed. You desired something far more than the unzipping of your dress, but you were not presumptuous enough to say it. The expression on Chrollo's face told you that he was hoping for the same thing. He hid many emotions well, but being turned on wasn't one of them.

Chrollo brushed your hair away from the zipper, delicately placing it over your shoulder. His fingers purposefully grazed your back as he did this, causing your breath to hitch slightly.

His hands moved to the zipper, carefully pulling it down. It went past the clasp of your bra to your lower back. There was complete silence. Both of you were still. Are we still hesitating?

Chrollo was the first to move. He pulled you close to him so that your back was touching him. His left arm wrapped across your chest possessively, holding you in a tight embrace. With his other hand, he brushed your hair back from your ear. He smelt of sweet alcohol. Clearly, he was slightly drunk as well, for the next words he said couldn't be uttered by a sober man.

His whispered breath tickled your neck, husky with the threat of sleep, "I want you so bad right now."

You tensed with a sudden surge of desire. Your impression had been right. He let his strong arm remain around you, patiently waiting for a response.

You choked out your reply, "The feelings' mutual."

Under his touch, your streak of audacity from earlier dissolved into compliance. You suddenly wanted nothing more than to submit to his words.

With complete control, Chrollo took your shoulder and turned you around. Your dress was now loose on your shoulders. He placed his hands around your hips firmly. He looked at you under his thick eyelashes and slowly leaned in. The pressure was growing to an unbearable level, but he still wouldn't go all the way.

Then his lips crashed against yours with the force of weeks of pent-up desire. This kiss didn't speak of courtesy, of patience. This was raw passion. It was furious and messy. you preferred this to sensitive steps around the intensity they both craved.

"You must still be drunk," you said playfully as you both pulled away to catch your breath. You held your hand to Chrollo's chest. His heart was beating surprisingly fast.

"If I'm drunk, then what are you?" Chrollo said with a lazy smirk.

"I'm drunk as well."

Chrollo threaded his hands through your hair, pulling the long strands through his fingers. He pulled you in close again with his hand at the back of your head.

You opened your mouth to allow for Chrollo's tongue to slip in. He lessened the intensity and slowly moved his tongue against your own tongue and lips. You couldn't help but let out soft moans that made Chrollo weak at the knees.

He pushed you against the wall to deepen your kiss. Drawings fluttered down, becoming detached with the sudden movement. Including that drawing.

Chrollo pulled away, much to your shock. You were left panting with reddened cheeks. Please don't let this end now.

He displayed a shit-eating grin. Even with his ego, in the current moment, his expression made you melt. His face was inches from yours, looking down into your (eye color) eyes.

He shifted his gaze down to the floor and said, "Nice drawing you have there."

You finally noticed what he had been so smug about. Shit. Your face flushed ten different shades of scarlet.

Chrollo leaned in as he did before and murmured in your ear, "I wish I could see the real thing."

You failed to not show your excitement. The way your eyes lit up exposed you. "I can arrange that."

At that, Chrollo leaned in again, this time moving to your neck. His lips fluttered down your throat to your collarbone. You leaned your head back and tried to control your uneven breath.

His lips reached the edge of the neckline on your dress. He raised his eyes to meet yours, asking for permission to go further.

You let out a breathy, "Yes. Please."

What you wanted to say was, Please, take me now.

It could be too soon for him. But based on how this was going, you expected it was leading to something more. Whatever that was, you wished you could know right now. The growing tension between your thighs began to ache.

Chrollo slipped his hand across your skin to the hemline of your dress, moving it completely off of your shoulder and down your arms. Your black see-through bra was now in full view. Your nipples grew hard at the sudden exposure.

At least I went with my fancy bra. You suddenly grew very shy. The last time you went even this far was years ago.

He evidently liked the lingerie for his hands immediately traveled to your breast to caress it as he continued to kiss you.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered against your neck. Your heart fluttered at his words.

Chrollo then moved his lips progressively further down as he slipped your dress off of your body. Soon your underwear came into view, then your feet. He helped your step out of the dress.

"Your turn," you said, unbuttoning his shirt. All the while he continued to distractingly leave lazy kisses upon your face, one on your forehead, your cheek, your lips.

After an agonizingly long time, you pulled off his shirt. Fuck.

You knew he would be defined. But him, this boy standing in front of you, resembled more of a greek statue than an actual human. It looked like his body had been sculpted by the finest stone on earth. He had a six-pack, defined pectoral muscles, and prominent collarbones. His biceps flexed as he leaned his hand against the wall, bracing himself. It was you who needed to brace yourself. Your breath hitched again at the sight of him.

You ran a hand up his firm body as you planted your lips upon his once again. This time Chrollo put his hands beneath your thighs, his fingers pressing into your soft skin. He picked you up easily.

You wrapped your legs around him as he brought you to the bed, kissing him all the while.

He dropped you down gently, releasing his grip off of your thighs. You took this time to look up at him and admire the beauty of his aroused state. He had a dangerous and wild look, with tousled hair and a constant smile playing at his lips. His heavy-lidded eyes were lazily focused upon you.

You continued to make out on the bed, its white silk sheets creating an angelic halo around you. Chrollo couldn't stand looking at you like this, underneath him. It was far too much power for one man to hold.

You reached to your back to undo the clasp of your bra. You threw it to the ground. Chrollo immediately began to touch your naked tits in a way that made you want to dissolve. He moved in circles around your nipples first, watching as they grew harder under his expert touch. Then he moved his mouth to the sensitive area, playing with you and biting slightly. You audibly moaned at the gesture. Damn the neighbors.

Chrollo sensed your desire to take it further. He looked up, grey eyes filled with lust, "Y/n...let me pleasure you."

It wasn't the suggestion you were expecting, but you were satisfied nonetheless. You didn't care about anything in the world besides what he could do to you at this moment, whatever it may be.

"If you say my name like that you can do anything you want to me," you said breathily. It was exactly what he needed to hear.

Chrollo smirked and moved to take off your soaking underwear. Under his pants, his dick grew visibly harder. He threw the underwear onto the floor.

Gently placing his finger at your throbbing core, he began to stroke. Upon receiving his touch your back arched involuntarily. You were beyond eager.

"Fuck... Chrollo..."

This served as encouragement for him to insert his finger deeper into you, curling it slightly. It hit your g-spot repeatedly, eliciting ungodly sounds from you.

As he was doing this, he slowly positioned himself on top of you, grabbing onto the bed frame with his spare hand. He just wanted to look at your face as you opened your mouth in delight.

He inserted one more finger which caused your arousal to heighten. God, he really knows how to do this.

Just as you felt the heat in your core escalating, he slid his finger out. You whimpered in protest.

Chrollo looked down at you with a wicked smile. "Beg for it."

Oh fuck.

You gladly would. It was more your instincts speaking than any coherent thought.

"Please... Chrollo..." you said between breaths.

You wanted to not only plead for him, you wanted to worship him.

"More."

This is what you had been missing out on all those weeks. And oh god, did you eat it up.

"FUCK please do that again," you exclaimed.

It was enough to convince him. Chrollo moved his face towards your slickened pussy.

Is he about to...

He pushed his hair back out of his face with his clean hand, his forehead tattoo revealed. For only a second, he raised his eyes to gaze into yours. You fell for him all over again at that simple glance.

Then he entered you. His tongue made you want to weep. He devoured your insides, soaking up the salty juices. You couldn't help but hold his head, pulling it closer to your body. You ran your hand through his soft black hair. There was so much heat between them that you were both perspiring.

You began to shudder." I'm going to... oh... fuck," you gasped.

You felt the sweet release of cum spread below you onto the sheets and Chrollo himself. You felt self-conscious for a moment. That is until Chrollo began to lick up your juices. He ran his tongue up your soft thighs.

"You taste so fucking good, darling."

Chrollo looked at you like he had fallen all over again as well. You grinned back at him. Your cheeks grew even redder, if possible. Your heart screamed to continue but you were too physically exhausted to move. Still, wouldn't Chrollo want his turn?

You laid there, naked and panting on the silk sheets. Chrollo flopped next to you, unaffected beside his flushed cheeks and a wide grin.

The lights were still low in the little room. Looking out the window, you saw that the sun had yet to rise. This was a positive fact because the only thing you needed to do now was to sleep. And preferably, cuddling with the boy next to you. You hoped he would stay. It was more than hope, really. Your body couldn't spend any more time away from him after that.

Damn. He was good. He was really, really fucking good.

He knew his way with words, to begin with. He said exactly what needed to be said to escalate your arousal. You wanted to worship those fingers, the way he so expertly felt around you like he had memorized a map. And his tongue was even more worthy of revere.

You flipped over to your elbows. Your breasts brushed against the bedding, noticeably making Chrollo gulp. You boldly reached to touch the front of his pants.

"You don't want a turn?" you smirked.

"This was more than enough for me."

He stared into your eyes as if he was calculating a complex math problem rather than looking at the person who just received the best head of their life.

You yawned, despite yourself. Your body ached with all the action of the night.

"Go to bed, sweetheart. I'll be here."

Those were the last words you heard before your eyes drifted shut. Exhaustion stilled your naked body. Chrollo reached over you to turn off the bedside lamp.

He wasn't nearly as tired. He could've gone for a couple more rounds, perhaps take it a step further if you so desired. But he knew you needed the sleep. Most of your makeup had rubbed off, displaying the dark circles under your eyes.

He slipped off his pants and threw them onto the floor with the rest of the clothes. He found the soft sheets and pulled them across you and himself. The bed was small but cozy. His strong chest was flush against your back.

Your (hair color) hair smelt of a summer day, like sunlight and wildflowers. He took this opportunity to feel up the rest of your glorious body. He ran his hand lightly from your shoulder to your hips, to your thighs. All of it was angelic to him.

He moved you closer with his arm, protectively wrapping it across your front. Somehow holding you like this felt far more intimate than any sexual activity. The way the moonlight graced your skin was majestic.

How had he fallen so hard, so fast? It was unlike him to act with such recklessness.

Through it all, he still had his mind. you had no way to tell the extent of his feelings. He made sure of this. His libido could act one way, that was clear from tonight. But he was an expert at controlling his outward emotions. You would never know. If you did, it would be over for him. All the planning will be for naught.

He closed his eyes before he could fall upon any more worries. He had already pondered the issue for many sleepless nights.

He fell into a dreamless slumber with you safe in his arms. You both slept soundly until the sun peeked through the window.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Death By Bagel

NCT Culinary Student!Mark Lee x Fashion Design Student!Reader Summary: Mark makes a cake cause he's realized he can't lose you to some f-boy. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, childhood au, college au, slowish burn, slight cursing, reallllly fluffy, some broksi-dude action, typos sksksksks, etc.

R E Q U E S T my friend: mark lee, slow burn, friends to lovers

A/N: I wrote a fic that already had like 1k+ word then I LOST IT (i think i deleted it) thus this. It took me 10 years to write this msmsmkskskks. PLEASE TUMBLR IS MESSING WITH ME AND MIXED UP THE ORDER OF SOME OF THE DIALOGUE

“As a doctor, I don’t think you should be doing that,” Mark says, not even bothering to look at his patient seated rudely on the floor. Oop, he’s lying down now.

Mark huffs and looks up from the clay block he was molding on his tray, “YOU’RE SO UNPROFESSIONAL!”

Mark’s mother nearly spits out her coffee upon hearing the words of his five-year-old son. Her husband snorts, “He got that from you.”

The woman throws a look at the man and was supposed to give a snarky retort, up until the sound of the doorbell ringing. She grins from ear-to-ear and dashes to get the door.

When she comes back to the living room, she’s accompanies by another woman and a tiny version of her.

“Markie! Say hello to your Auntie!” Mark’s mom calls.

Mark from the carpeted floor looks up and blinks, examining the stranger-woman and its human-ling. Mark turns to his father who was sat on the couch and receives a nod of approval almost. Mark purses his lips and waves at the woman.

The woman waves back and then crouches down to the little girl, “Baby, say hello to Mark.”

Unwilling, she shakes her head.

“Aw come on, baby. Don’t be shy. Mark over there is a really sweet boy. I knew him when he was in his mommy’s tummy, just like Mark’s mom knew you when you were in mine. You’re the same age so you’ll get along just fine.”

With the unnecessary explanation that gave no justification to the scene whatsoever out of the way, the girl was fooled into peeping up, “Hi, Mark.”

“Hello,” Mark says, not particularly interested, as his patient was still in the midst of dying in his office. He turned to his stuffed toy called Mr. Lion and attempted to stand him up once more.

At this point, the girl makes her way to Mark.

“We’ll be back in two hours, honey. Keep an eye on the children,” Mrs. Lee tells his husband who had been occupied with TV the entire time.

“Yeah. I got this,” he smiles to his wife then goes back to watching.

The bumble bee clad figure sat down to Mark in blue and watched him play.

Mark ignored her for a few seconds, needing to assert all efforts on standing that dumb toy up. Once successful, Mark turns to her, “Do you play doctors?”

Mark was then met with the same lack on enthusiasm. She hums, “I like playing baker doctor.”

All at once, Mark gasps, “ME TOO!”

It was unbeknownst to the children it was oddly specific and the chance of this happening was pretty slim.

And in a blink of an eye, excited giggles erupt in the room, as if they had been having so much fun before this scene. It was here and there the two would become best friends to the very end.

... so I guess it means the reckoning is upon us.

“MARK LEE I SWEAR TO THE FU--” “WHAT! WHAT!?” Mark laughs.

"YOU ATE MY BAGEL! AGAIN!" I growl in a loud whisper, throwing the wrapper at him and his flat head before he could think to dodge it while he annoyingly laughs.

"I asked if I could have it though!" he says, fully knowing his sins.

I glared at him and say lowly, "I thought you were referring to my notes, bread for brains."

Mark snorts loud enough for our teacher to wake up from his nap. Once the class notices, we all pretend to be doing something productive and Mark plays it off with a cough.

"Mr. Lee." Mr. Kim says sternly, clicking his tongue, blinking his eyes rapidly.

Mark finishes coughing and turns to our seated professor, "Yes sir."

"Don't go to school if you're sick and going to cause a racket with your coughing."

Mark nods firmly and Mr. Kim closes his eyes again, mumbling, "page 65 is due tomorrow."

The entire class grumbles. Mark beside me scoffs and makes a face, "Yeah, yeah, Doyoung."

I turn to him and elbow his side.

"Whatever," Mark shakes his head, "professor bunny-teeth won't hear me."

Once class ended, we both get our things and head out for lunch. We walk to our canteen, fussing over assignments, deciding we should do it together later in our mutually free period.

I groan and narow your eyes at him as we have an argument over how he hasn't finished the essay for English, "That's not the point."

"Yo Mark!" a voice calls from afar. Mark and I turn, looking for the voice, and I spot the dimpled senior, Jung Jaehyun, in a table with the rest of his squad.

I nudge Mark and point at the pale guy seated by the corner.

Mark throws him a smile and waves. I follow closely behind him as he walks over to the table. "We're going to sit with them?" I say in some sort of gasp.

"Yeah." Mark replies simply, not bothering to turn to me, "they're cool."

I knit my brows at that and nod, "Yeah I know. But I'm not cute today."

Mark stops in his tracks and throws me a confused look, "what?"

"I didn't put any make-up on today, also I'm pretty sure there's a visible stain somewhere on my jacket, I just don't remember where."

Mark scrunches his face up again, even more confused. "What? How do you... forget a stai-- that's not the point. Why do you wanna look cute today?" He scoffs and continues lowly, "hardly as if you ever look cute."

I let out an annoyed groan and punch Mark's shoulder. "Like when you panicked when Seulgi came over and asked for notes."

Mark openes his mouth, "That is so not the same! Jaehyun's a fuck bo-"

"Just shut up already," I snap and shove him forward so he'd continue walking. "Let's not keep him waiting," I add and mumble, "also I know. Dong Sicheng however is very cute."

Mark chuckles, "he's dated every girl on the dance team."

"Okay, maybe not that cute."

"Ya, Mark," Jaehyun grins and greets the said person with a high-five and chest bump. He turns to me and speaks my name with a smile. I smile back politely and wave.

I'm about to sit next to Sicheng, but Mark shoves me and so I end up sitting on the other side of the bench table with Jaehyun. I turn to Jaehyun with a small, non-awkward smile and shoot Mark a glare. He seems unbothered though.

"So, you up for a round later?" Jaehyun asks Mark.

Mark talks over me, "you know it, dude."

Jaehyun flashes his dimple smile all the stupid girls fall for. I'm only half falling for it cause I'm only half stupid. He raises his brows, "you bought the dough, right?"

This makes me knit my brows.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really did this time," Mark mumbles quickly. "It's my turn anyway."

Jaehyun gives an off look, "that's literally what you said last time bro."

"Yo, no for real. It's in my bag, if you wanna check."

Jaehyun shakes his head when Mark begins to scramble for it, "no, Lee, it's good. We wouldn't want you friend to get dirty."

Is it just me or do you feel slimey all of a sudden?

Jaehyun then gives me a somewhat, somehow sincere smile, "so. I hear you're in fashion design."

I give a soft chuckle, "yeah. That's me."

"I could tell from a mile away. Mark looks horrible next to your getup."

I look down at my sweater and ripped jeans. Mark exclaims in protest, "shut the hell up, Jae."

I give a soft smile at Jaehyun, "don't know where that comes from but thanks I guess."

Jaehyun chuckles, "I'm kidding," he eyes Mark, "I saw your Fashion Design pin on your bag when you sat down."

"Oooohhhh, haha, okay, that makes sense."

"Ya, Jeff," Sicheng calls for Jaehyun, "it's almost time."

Jaehyun turns to his friend and nods. He turns back to me and Mark, "well, it's nice to meet you. Mark won't put a sock in it even if I beg. See you around, fashionista."

He stands and slaps Mark's back, "see ya later, broski."

"Yeah, bruh," Mark replies.

Once it's just Mark and I, I snap at him and blurt out in a whisper yell, "YOU'RE ON BROSKI LEVEL WITH JUNG JAEHYUN?!"

Mark gives me a weird face, "bruh, I think he calls the principal broski, for real."

I smack Mark, making him whine, "you know what I'm talking about, Mark! And what, are you doing drugs?!?"

He shakes his head in confusion, "Wait, what!? Who the hell told you that?"

"Uhhhhh you were talking about dough and showing up later. Sounds like you owe him money for drugs, Mark."

"??? In what universe did we even mention drugs?? Does this," he slaps his face, "look like a face of a drug addict to you?"

"A gullible idiot maybe."

Mark's jaw drops, "oh wow, okay. I'm done with this conversation." He proceeds to stand attempt to walk away. I scoff, "not on my watch bitch."

Like the true idiot that he is, Mark begins to legit run away from me, like a criminal who stole my cookies. It's embarrassing that he, a man much taller than I, could not even outrun me. I suppose I should be grateful, but this just fortifies my thoughts of him being an idiot even more.

But okay... I wasn't actually expecting this... like... Mark and Jaehyun... like... actually baking bread after school with dough Mark premade at home. Also, uh, Jaehyun looks super cute in an apron that I'm having a mental breakdown. And what's new, so does Mark.

"I can't believe you thought I was a drug dealer," Jaehyun says in a soft pout as he rolls out dough on the marble counter of his friggin large kitchen in his friggin large house. Like dang, I knew he was rich, but he's like Rich™ Rich. Rich with a golden diamond encrusted Rolex watch rich that's in a glass display rich-- wtf.

Mark wheezes in his telltale high pitched laugh as he opens a pack of unsweetened chocolate pellets, "she thought dough was some sort of metaphor or something."

"Cute," they say at the same time. Mark turns to Jaehyun in slight surprise and Jaehyun turns to me. I roll my eyes, though I feel my neck burn. I avert my attention to the scene I was sketching on my pad, Jaehyun and Mark baking croissants. I clear my throat, "I'm just making use of the single braincell between us, cause if he doesn't die falling down the stairs, he's gonna pull some idiotic stuff like baking with Jung Jaehyun."

Oddly, it's Mark that reacts to that with a, "hey!"

Jaehyun rubs his chin on his shoulder, "I also can't believe you think so little of me.'

I break a sweat but decide to answer honestly, "... ... ... You have a reputation."

"Of being a fuck boy?"

Mark loudly transfers the chocolates into a metal bowl, making the two of us snap at him. Mark makes a face, "oh gosh, sorry."

Jaehyun sighs, "well. I admit I get around, but that's only because I get dumped every time."

I raise a brow.

Jaehyun purses his lips, "nah, let's not make this weird. The croissants will be flat."

"Dude," Mark turns to him, "that's literally only because you messed up the recipe."

Jaehyun grits his teeth, "no. It's because Kun's a little teacher's pet and sabotaged me so he could get the best grade."

"No, but like Kun is really nice, he helped me with the fold techinique."

Jaehyun scoffs, "He stole me vanilla extract, Mark. Who does that?!"

"No, listen, he's cool, like, for real--"

"No, you listen, he's a little shit and--"

The two begin to bicker like a married couple, and I begin to draw inspiration form the scene to design some random sketches of wedding dresses.

I look back to the two and still can't get over the fact that I learned Jaehyun was a culinary arts major with my best friend, and that I was currently in the Jung's boojie home because I thought Mark was buying drugs from him. Not what I was expecting at all my day to go like, but I'm not mad this is how it went.

"No, no, no, no," Jaehyun says. He turns to me and points, "let's just get an outside opinion. Babe, what's your favorite color?"

"BABE?!" Mark barks.

I take a moment to reply. I blink slowly, "uhh... pink?"

Jaehyun bites his lower lip and claps his flour covered hands, "Right. Pink croissants it is."

Mark shoots him a glare and turns to me, back to Jaehyun, "she has a name."

Jaehyun nods, "yeah, and she wants pink croissants."

Mark makes a face and Jaehyun examines it, chuckling under his breath. "Wah, you two are something, huh."

No one really responds.

We began to always eat lunch with Jaehyun and his friends. It's funny cause I realized Jaehyun, although I still firmly believed he was out to get nasty with every other girl he sees, he was actually just like Mark. A total loser with a love for cooking.

"Hey," Mark says with a snippy tone.

I give him a look and suddenly receive a paper bag to my face. Mark sits on his chair next to me, as per usual. I smell the thing before I realize what it is. It's a freshly baked bagel. I perk up and smile, "Aw, you baked me a bagel?"

Mark raises his upper lip, "no. Jaehyun did."

I knit my brows, "what? Why?"

Mark narrows his brows, "do you, like, like him?"

I give him a look. I take a bite of the bagel, making Mark look at me in disbelief. I answer, "You do know I only hang with him cause you do, right?"

"Then why'd you eat the bagel then?"

"Uh, a number of reasons. 1) it's a bagel, 2) free food, 3) I'm starving, 4) it smells amazingggg."

Mark does a face, "fair. I've been meaning to ask how he does his seasoning for a while now too." He releases a breath, "and anyway, I'm pretty sure he made a bagel cause I told him you liked them. Never talking about you to him anymore though."

I look at him, "why do you talk about me so much to him anyway?"

"Uh because you're amazing," Mark says instinctively.

I feel my heart skip at that. I coo and place my hands on my chest, "wait that's really sweet."

Mark looks at me. His face begin to shift, "too bad it's a lie- haha."

I give him a look and rebut, "jerk."

"Loser."

As quickly as I found out about Jaehyun being Mark's friend, that's about as quickly as I found out he didn't like hanging out with him anymore. It's kind of a shame I never got to go back to his boojie house.

There was this one encounter I had with Jaehyun though... which was a little weird, not gonna lie.

He was waiting for me outside my Tailoring class, smiling and waving when he saw me. I Reluctantly reciprocated and walked over to him.

He releases a breath, "I've been waiting for about 20 minutes for you. I didn't know when your class would end."

I raise my brows, "you could have asked?"

"Well I would need your number for that, and that would have ruined the surprise," he pulled out a brown paper bag, reminiscing the same one Mark chucked at my face.

"I made you two this time," he smiles.

I take a moment to reply, "you don't have to make me bagels, Jaehyun."

He grabs my hand, "yeah, but I want something out of ya," he places the bagels in my hand. He proceeds to lead us off and we begin to walk down the hall.

Truth be told, it's a little scary that his ulterior motive is up in the air. Jaehyun places his hands in his pockets, "I like your dress, by the way."

I smile, "thanks. I made it."

He smiles and nods, "right. That makes sense as to why it suits you well."

I can't help but blush at that, and simultaneously feel conscious when I realize a bunch of girls in my course are looking at me and Jaehyun as we strut down the hall.

"So, what did you want, Jaehyun?"

"Well, I clearly wanted to ask you out."

"..."

"..."

Jaehyun smiles and give a soft laugh, "is it so ground breaking?"

"... Uh..."

He sniggers, "hey, you can say no. I mean I hope you don't but you can." Jaehyun leans in and raises his hands, "I won't like it, but a man should take rejection from a lady well."

I turn to him as he straightens up. I turn to the bagels he made me and bring it back to him. He laughs, "no, I made them for you really. It's not poisoned, in fact it's made with love."

I visibly react to that, which makes Jaehyun wheeze. I can't help but laugh back, "that was hella tacky."

"Worth a shot though," he says. "Good luck with Mark."

I look at him with silence and he chuckles, "ya, you can't fool me."

I'm about to retort but then Jaehyun gets called by one of the frats dudes I identify as Johnny Seo. Jaehyun does a curtsy and clicks his tongue, "see ya later babez."

"You know, I would have said yes if you didn't do stuff like that."

Jaehyun purses his lips, "no you wouldn't."

I shrug, "worth a shot though."

Jaehyun places a hand on his chest, dramatically calling, "Uh, rejection hurts, man."

Yeah, I never went to Jaehyun's boojie house ever again.

Silver lining though was Mark's dorm smelled equally as nice because of all the food he cooks, although it came with a whiff of axe body spray from his roommate, Lucas. It's cool though, he was almost never around for me to smell it in its whole intensity.

"Aite," Mark calls from his side of the dorm. I perk up from the two seater dining table they had and turn to Mark who was covering the cake he was making for his finals.

"Don't, like, peek, okay. I want you to see the cake all at once and give me your honest reaction to it. Please, like, all my lives kinda depend on it."

"How many lives do you have?"

"9, I'm pretty sure."

I stand from my seat, "not you faking your life as a cat, but get it I guess."

Mark raises a hand at me as I walk over, "can you not, I'm high-key panicking right now."

"Over what? You literally made a box of donuts for your midterms and it looked better than Misty Mreme! I'm sure your cake is hot."

"It was in the minifridge for a day. I mean it barely fit cause of all of Lucas' mountain dew."

I groan, "just show me it, Mark Lee!"

Mark whined and dashes over to me, grabbing my shoulders, "okay, but like, don't be mean about it. I swear, I might cry."

I give a sound and fake cough, "it's ugly."

Mark doesn't respond to that particular jab, "I'm serioussss. Please be kind, okay?"

I look at Mark's nervous face and give a soft pout, "Markie, please, not that I think it would be ugly, but I promise you don't have to be nervous about my reaction."

He isn't soothed by that, but he does release a sigh, "okay. So for context, Mr. Moon wanted the cake to be one or two tiers, but I went with one, cause there aint no way I'm going to the other side of the campus to freeze a two tiered cake. Then, the theme was something from your childhood, so, I, uh, thought this was fitting. The exam is 60 percent decoration, 40 percent taste by the way."

Mark gives me a hesitant look, but steps way for me to see it. I then see a heart shaped, medium sized cake in my favorite pastel pink color. By the top there's a little boy on the floor playing with a toy oven set and little girl in a bumble bee dress, holding a stethoscope. At the bottom of the cake, there were jelly letters spelling out, "I like you."

I cup my cheeks at the sight of it and feel my eyes start to well at the sentiment.

Wait... was this really happening?

Mark heaves in and out, "okay, so like when Jaehyun began to like hit on you, that sucked pretty hard because he's known for getting girls and I thought maybe he'd get you too and I got panicky. Anyway, I....... have liked you since we were kids... And... I know you probably don't feel the same way but I have to try, you know.... Yolo."

My feel my tears retract from what I hear. I rub my eyes. I turn to Mark and find his nervous face. "Did you just say yolo in your confession, Mark?"

He looks like he's about to throw up.

I can't help but chuckle and pout, "dude..."

I prolong the moment. Mark gets even more nervous as he repeats softly, "dude..."

"We could have dated in grade school all this time."

It takes a moment to register in his head.

Like, a really long moment.

I sigh, "Mark! I like you too, dummy."

He freezes and blinks. His face begins to burn. He breaks into a soft smile, "nice."

I break into a laugh.

"... Uh... So... Can I like... Kiss you?"

I snort and feel my own cheeks begin to burn, "I think you should refrigerate your cake first."

Mark snaps out of this trance, "oh shoot, you-" I give him a quick peck on the lips.

He is dumbfounded.

I feel butterflies go wild in my stomach.

"I'll wait over there for when you've fixed that."

Mark watches as I walk away, "yooo.... That's not fair though."

[lovequinn]

mushy shit about some recent events

open the cut if you dare bc it's just me crying and rambling and being very sentimental over things but y'all asked so

over the past week and a half i was lucky enough to do two things that meant the world to me: i saw harry styles in concert (harryween n2 supremacy!) and i had the chance to meet/speak to anna kendrick.

i will start with harry bc i feel like that is the one that surprises people more lmao and to save myself the effort of typing this all twice, i will copy and paste my blubbering from instagram:

in 2012 i made it my mission to become as involved with one direction as possible. i was a closeted teenager in a hostile, primarily republican town who didn't know how to deal with the feelings i was feeling, and the obvious solution to me was to blend. so like every straight girl i knew, i bought all the albums, i went to the concerts, i even waited 5 hours on line to meet them and have them sign my cd (in the stone ages when people still did mall tours). not to say i didn't enjoy myself, because i really did find a lot of fun in being a part of that era, but for me it was never exactly the same as it was for everyone else. i often sat with the discomfort of knowing i was using this band to hide a large part of my own self.

watching harry styles, whose solo music did end up reaching me in a place one direction's never could, unabashedly ignore the norms of gender and sexuality has felt personal in a way i can't describe. the other night i got to watch him sing about confidence and kindness on a stage littered with pride flags, back to back with the song that was ever present when i was hiding all those years ago (wmyb) as if he were acknowledging how much things have changed. i watched the entire arena glow with a rainbow of lights. and while the me of 9 years ago was someone very different, that poor kid's heart would have been bursting the same way it is right now. in 2021, this feels right.

and now ANNA.

at the same time in 2012 that i was pulling my "yes haha i totally want to date the 1d guys i'm being so convincing" act, i also watched pitch perfect for the first time. and like any good blossoming gay, i saw beca and chloe together and went oh...oh. i had a tumblr already because of (surprise surprise) one direction, and i had already made my first forays into reading fanfiction (thank you degrassi), but i had never really experienced fandom before. much less lgbt fandom. i remember sitting one night and searching the pitch perfect tag, just out of curiosity. and i found the bechloe fandom, and these wonderful, friendly people of all kinds, most importantly other people like me. bechloe was my very first time participating in a community with other lgbt people in a time when i needed it most. i remember feeling lonely and ostracized at school each day, but being able to come home and find myself among a group of people who understood. i have never shyed away from saying that the bechloe fandom raised me, and i mean it; alex, cole, cam, hanna, so many others (some of you who are still mutuals with me here, some of you who became off-tumblr and irl friends, some of you who are out there somewhere even though we lost touch) were my family in so many of the ways that mattered. this fandom listened to me when i needed an ear, watched me try (and often fail) at my first attempts at writing, eased me through crushes, helped pay for my textbooks when i got older. even if your interests changed, or if you drifted away from social media altogether, i've never forgotten a single name or a single conversation. and it was all because we couldn't shut up about two girls awkwardly in a shower singing acapella who were OBVIOUSLY in love while having embarrassing urls like "tonerforsnow" (guilty as charged).

i've always felt like i owe that community to anna kendrick and brittany snow. despite every show or movie or whatever i jump to focus on next, they will always hold that special place in my heart. they didn't shy away from their lgbt fans, they played along with us and weren't afraid to talk about a wlw ship and in turn strengthened that little circle of family i'd found. over the years their other projects, onscreen or off (i.e. scrappy little nobody and love is louder) and even just their general attitude has brought much needed light into my life and given me many a smile when nothing else could. i am well-known in all my irl circles as the connossieur of all things anna and brittany and i wear that title with pride lol

i've never met brittany, and while i got to ask anna a question at her book tour a little over four years ago (still embarrassed over how nervous i sounded rip), i'd never spoken to her face to face. i was lucky enough to attend the season 2 premiere of love life last sunday (a great example of one of anna's projects that has touched my rotted heart) and by a stroke of luck had the chance to talk to anna and briefly thank her for how much her work has meant to me over the past 9 years. and whew nothing really compares to the feeling of finally telling someone "hey, what you've done and what you've put out there has changed me in a really profound way."

she could not have been kinder to me (suck it tiktok weirdos), which i'm super grateful for because i was admittedly shaking like a wet dog and didn't want to impede on her space at her event. i also had been having a really rough couple of weeks and didn't realize how much i just needed someone to say something nice or give me a casual compliment, and i especially didn't realize the person to give me that compliment would end up being anna kendrick.

anyway this was a lot of words that no one will read and it was mostly all for me to get it out but idk the past week and a half has been super cathartic for my inner child and my spirits are super high. i am the first person to criticize celebrity culture and toxic standom but i also have my fair share of good experiences with it all and i'm happy i had the chance to do some time travel of sorts lately. ok i'm gonna go watch anna on corden now ❤️