#Exposure to our families is worth nothing unfortunately | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ankitdua · 2 years

Text

My Blogs

Tuesday, 10 January 2023

12:07 PM

Anger within Us !

Can others bring the worse in Us?

I am not sure if circumstances bring the worse in me, or maybe I am full of anger and need an excuse for all that frustration and irritation to come out.

My blood boils when people do not assume responsibility for their actions and

Pursuing Happiness Incorrectly !

Photo courtesy - Neha Diwan (Artist)

Are we looking for unhappiness, or are we pursuing happiness incorrectly?

Why do we think that making circumstances better will bring happiness? We feel happiness in career advancement or acquiring a powerful position or approval from the society or dominating a relationship, but according to me, none of the above is constant and requires so much tedious effort to maintain the present status.

"When love is absent in the marriage or family then nothing can fill this void."

If we feel we do not belong anywhere or we live among the incompatible people, then our living is merely the survival, and on the deathbed, we might think that we lived a futile life. It's not easy to question the ways of society.

"We intend to control our lives and also the life of people we love."

now if love is your reason to live, then we cant keep the account of gives and takes. Its depth is so much that it takes me to the extreme levels to pursue it; the world doesn't matter to me whenever the lover is in view. I guess that kind of intensity and transparency bring real happiness when we genuinely feel connected to someone at the deeper level, which is beyond the worldly calculations.

Happiness differs for each individual, you just have to find yours

Stop comparing People !

"People will not understand your worth until they see the world. Unfortunately, our value is calculated in comparison to others." It's so unfair, but what can we expect from the people who lack the exposure! "

Bad Relationships.......

A person who has no-one might consider any stupid person to escape this loneliness and this becomes the root cause of all of their problems because when we give someone power to influence us. That other person takes advantage of this, and then this crushed are confidence and self-respect. Once we are convinced that we don't deserve anyone better and have no Self-Worth then the world highlights our vulnerabilities, and this makes the matters even worse for us, and lastly, we become a hopeless case.

"I wonder how many of us actually know that we are stuck in a bad relationship because we can't wait."

We Compare Relationships.......

I am not sure if we all do it consciously or unconsciously, but we do compare our past relationships with the present ones, we even choose between friends and prefer the company of individuals. The extent of freedom, right to privacy, patience, selflessness and other factors are considered in this evaluation.

Others fill the void left by one person, and we carry on relationships, one after the other, irrespective of knowing what I want from these Relations. Can't we ask ourselves if we wish emotional dependence or physical satisfaction or want to escape our loneliness? Reason to get into a relationship is way more important than the compatibility itself.

A friendship can't be compared to a relationship with future prospects, and a lifetime obligation will always have more restrictions and expectations. Deep down, we all want to mould things as per our convenience. When permanent relations go foul, then we move towards temporary ones for emotional support, and thereby we commit an even greater mistake of becoming dependent on others because it hinders our self-growth and ruins our confidence in the long run.

"Source of sorting your every conflict is within, stop searching outside."

Personal feelings expressed publicly

I feel the worst is when you have to live with the person who lacks the sensitivity to consider your opinions!

Uninterrupted release of emotions.................... like a waterfall

" We all want our souls to be released from the cage, raw heart to be touched and blunt emotions to flow naturally, this is what we live for, and also this is what I can die for "

Emotions can't be a line drawn with a ruler but a freehand drawing which can bend and take weird shapes, that's the best part of it. Emotions are supposed to be rough, untamed and grow like wild weeds and flow like a waterfall so natural and without contamination and deterioration, uttered in the raw form!

The uninterrupted release of this very thing makes me feel that I am alive and Full of life

Intent of the Doctors !

Its a valid question that what should be the intent of the doctor? Will he stay loyal to the institution he is working for, or he should tell the truth and protect his soul?

In every profession there are issues, but I guess doctors integrity is at the pinnacle of the pyramid, endangering the life of others is the worst among rest of the sins that a person do to earn his bread. I wish people would start accepting their mistakes and present a solution rather than leaving no stone unturned to stop it from coming out and saving the face of the hospital.

At every step and every day, I find ways to raise my voice against injustice done at many levels, but why I am so adamant about upgrading the system everywhere I go.

Is this my way of giving back to society?

Today's Society !

Such is the society where we live that every human is put under so much pressure to prove his worth. It's as if people who are not financially stable have no right to live or people chasing difficult dreams like becoming a poet or a comedian or a writer are nothing but fools who are escaping their responsibilities." I do not accept the world the way it is and I am too small to change it the way it should be'

Then I listen to so many hypocrites talking about creative freedom but where is this Utopian society where "a person is seen as a Human and not as an investment"

Only life matters !

Well in the end what matters is if the person is alive or not! and the other important thing is how that person leaves us.

Emotional outburst helps in such cases because I feel its natural to dwell anger when we are facing some extremely difficult circumstances and if this hatred is clogged within for long then it will erupt like a volcano and this lava will affect everyone around but once it is out then the sufferer feels good. Sometimes even I tell worries to the strangers in the hospitals, this is very useful because telling it to a living soul is way better than writing in a diary, sharing eases the pressure and burden.

Death will come to all but if you have to witness a painful death then that leaves a long-lasting impression on your life. After that, you can't sleepwalk through life !

today my brother told me that his friend is ending her life, so I want to imagine what her state must be that she arrived at such a decision. All my life I have known people who cling on to their last breath or any ray of hope but I am yet to meet someone who will say enough is enough and I want to leave this earth today! In my opinion, this is the sign of courage, once a doctor told me that "Quality of life is way more important than quantity" so if living has become a burden then there is no harm in saying bye-bye to this world. With utmost sincerity "I will do the same if I am given a choice"

Contraints in LOVE !

There are so many factors which stop us from pursuing love, like fear of rejection, age factor, breakup aftermath, dilemma if its a rebound relationship and billion of other reasons but I guess if such calculations are in your mind then you better wait.

Because calculative Love will never understand the madness, obsession and the tendency to sink deep in love and create the world around one person ! I understand the aggression and frustrations when your world is taken from you and LOVE is a very strong force that drives so many of us ! A single moment of weakness is enough to burst the volcano of suppressed memories and the surety that I am moving on vanishes within seconds. What do you expect from a guy whose inner turmoil is beyond his control !

"For some of us 'LOVE' is the only reason to live and this is beyond understanding for the people who live for ambitious pursuits".

My Delusions !

God Bless the souls of people who highlight my delusions !

Today I realised 'where I stand' and 'what I have become', I see emotions and feelings that do not exist.

I am so desperate for a human connection that I cling on to any 'HOPE" even if it originates from sympathy or pity. Reading between the lines is my speciality, and even your silence will be taken as approval.

Wise people say " that nothing is more dangerous than a person with nothing to lose" I am that guy at present and I suggest you stay away until I pass this phase else I might end up hurting you or even damage your faith that people are good in general.

Some people die actual death and some die from within and rest of you all continue to live, so imagine the plight of the one dying from inside, wouldn't he want to know what is keeping you all Alive ?

Buddha and his teachings !

Buddha who specifically said "if u meet me on the way Kill me" which means do not allow Buddha to become a hurdle in your spiritual growth. It hurts me to see that Buddhism is founded contrary to the teachings of Buddha.

In today's failed attempt to meditate in the monastery, I realised that I am giving so much importance to the conversations and people occupy most of my thoughts. This is increasing the flow rather than reducing it because people are COMPLEX!

This blue head Buddha should act as a reminder that he did it, and so can we all. Life of Buddha is my greatest inspiration yet! His teachings, like 'No attachments', is still the most dreadful challenge to me. Because I get attached so quickly and I am overly curious to know strangers and others might see me as a burden. So I will bring this change……...

Silent Self Destruction !

"What appears outside may or may not be always true" !

I guess certain forms of self-destruction may not be visible and might still damage our inner self. During my endless conversation about life and people, my friend pointed out that a person can smile and appear happy from outside but can be suffering from depression. I think it is a valid point; we never want to expose our vulnerabilities to the world, so we pretend that everything is fine even though we are battling with this sinking feeling beneath.

It's natural to rage war against the world when you are wounded but are we in our senses to understand that we are inflicting pain on ourselves for making the wrong choices. 'Destructive Emotions' is the term coined by Daniel Goleman which can describe our present state of mind

My circle of life will only complete if I learn the things I am here to learn, be it controlling my sex power or changing my attitude towards life. Things will revolve around these factors until I learn. Everyday I expect something new from experience, and sometimes I want the universe to reciprocate my feelings, other times, I want to explore my blindspots, then I want to jump to relationship issues. I mean there are billion of issues to sort out, and this one life is not enough to go through all of this and still say sane. Maybe I am on the brink of madness, not only I am waiting for it to happen but instead I am pushing myself to go in that direction, what do you call it if not silent self-destruction, like killing yourself slowly without letting others know about your real intent!

INDIA is a land of limited freedom !

We are stuck between cultures !

While reading two books simultaneously about two exactly opposite worlds, I realized that India is stuck between them

The first book is 'Celestial Bodies' by Jokha Alharti (Man Booker winner) about the culture where girls have no say in their marriage.

The second is "Valencia' by Michelle Tea, a memoir in which she casually decides to become a prostitute one day and can easily pursue a same-gender relationship and also hop from one relationship to another with ease.

Indian culture is very different from western and as well as from this Arabic or Muslim Culture, We have LIMITED FREEDOM, most of us can choose life partners but the decision is not entirely ours, the family will always interfere and give their verdict. I guess the reputation of a guy is tainted after one or two failed relationships.

Surrender to the universe (Partially Yet !)

Image credit -Theresa Walstra(Wellness universe)

I strongly feel today that there is no point resisting the change, people will come & go and things will never stay the same. We can't spend our life hopping from one worry to another, I guess there is a reason why we are not given the power to undo past so that we can realize the importance of awareness in the present. If your life is a result of random decisions then you need to consider your choices again.

I will not pretend that I have understood 'Total Surrender', sorry not there yet! but somehow I have the sight of Partial Surrender which means accepting what I can't change, which includes changes I expect from myself like accepting the situations forced on me by the Universe! Although I am not sure if there is a hand of God in that.

Secondly, what I don't understand is why I am trying too hard to get rid of the darkness within me, not sure if I can accept that side of me and is it possible to accept the unjust and inappropriate behaviour of the people.

"It's difficult to be kind to the person who taints your reputation".

so we should just drop our guard and let the universe hit us !!! This part of surrender is not acceptable to me and I feel the need to protect myself from the such harm. i am in no state to let others destroy me!

When a Human Body vanish into thin air !

We all go through different emotions at the time of death of others, as per my observations, most of us are still worried about the hustle and bustle of our daily life. I always use this opportunity to ask myself the question I dread the most

"Will I be able to make my life meaningful? "

I went to the cremation ground to feel my death. Well, I like to put myself in such trauma to know the depth of my curiosity. Even now, I feel like crying, but something is holding back my tears. I wish I knew what!

Yes, today I feel I need to bring change rapidly, life is short, and the pace at which I am moving is not enough. People might consider my practices unhealthy, but this is the best way I know to trigger my thought and think about what matters in my life.

I could easily imagine the sight of my body and the people around preparing for my cremation. My loved ones are crying. Even though I feel the temporariness of life still I want to fall in love again and want to express my real feelings to the people around me and to be so transparent that I take nothing with me to the unknown world.

Its easy to sleepwalk thorugh Life but its very difficult to keep this in your mind that you will perish one day and live with this thought

Sprituality is my medicine to bear this Insane World

As I continue my spiritual quest, I feel I am continuously challenged by circumstances, people, emotions, separations & many more things... Every day I see within me, the heaps of alien emotions hidden in the blind spot. Honestly, I do not like what I see mostly, but I guess cleansing is supposed to be like this. Well this filth can only vanish if only I can find the source of all this, the process is tedious, but that is the reason I am continuously pushed towards such places where people value the feelings of the fellow being rather than what he does! Seeking with such intensity makes me feel that I am losing grip from reality, so I request my companions to be patient with me because it's not easy to go on the edge and come back every time.

It's not easy not to follow the conventional pattern, or not to follow the population because at every step we are being questioned & criticised. I have been in a cocoon for long, but once we come out of it, we naturally want to explore and have meaningful conversations because the second phase is ‘Asking for Help’ so that ‘Arrogance' is not developed. So I request the world to

"Read and share your genuine experiences with the people around you and me because, in my opinion, that is the only I know to create a better environment where our Souls can Flourish and attain Higher Consciousness. "

Realtionnship is mostly between two individuals who posses different strengths !

"Living with unmet needs is challenging and brings so much of emotional pressure and physical too that it increases the probability to slip into inappropriate Relationship "

As the environment is getting more and more open, youngsters feel more pressure to get into a relationship, books and movies have exaggerated the importance of a Life partner that it has become almost impossible to imagine a life without marriage.

I do not understand why we feel that we are dependent on others for our emotional needs, I think this emotional stability can only come from within, no external factor can play any crucial role in developing our strong willpower. If we become dependent on others to clear our dilemmas, or to help us take us decisions then, in the long run, our credibility is reduced. A relationship is developed and sustained between two individuals who possess similar or different strengths and surely not between a weak and a strong person. Hypothetically speaking, if an emotional wreck gets into a relationship with a clear-headed person, then the dominant will never be able to accept the decisions of a submissive. So eventually, such relationship will wither away and will leave the wounded souls in the world.

Why do we let people Go !

"Well this is worth thinking about that why are people leaving us or why are we throwing people out of our life."

Reasons differ for every individual, and this reminds me of the book 'Confessions of a sociopath' by M.E. Thomas, people with such tendencies do not want to get attached to anyone or sometimes like playing games with people. But let us talk about people who are not psychologically sick, now we ordinary people calculate our relationship on the basis of convenience, so when people start causing troubles in our life we start thinking about ways to get rid of them by saying "You are losing your mind" or "you are behaving like a kid". Sometimes we also leave people who are causing pain to us and even when we realise that we are hurting the person we love.

Now the real question is, what do we expect from our relationships? Do we want people to accompany us during our travelling or we want to go movies with them, or we need a shoulder to cry? Well, we always think about what we want but how many times we consider what the other person needs, maybe she/he requires 'intervention', but we are too consumed in our life and do not care what happens to the other person even if we call him/her our best friend.

"The concept of growing mutually is alien to most of us."

Virtual Image Complex !!!!

Unfortunately, Sigmund Freud is not alive else he would have invented a new term 'Virtual Image Complex’, I guess the foundation of this social networking is our urge to present our best to the world. The question we need to ask ourselves ‘is this the Real ME’ or is it the image of someone who fits in the society quite well. Why are we afraid to accept that we are a 'MISFIT.'

"While human beings are great deceivers of others; they are even more adept at self-deception,” said Sigmund Freud

A person who wants to tell the world that he/she is happy even though that person is full of worries, sadness and pessimism, what is this if not hypocrisy. I rarely come across the uploads which are worth reading, is it all about showing off your expensive clothes or how beautiful you look with your trimmed beard or make-up…… "Who do we wanna prove that we are great, don’t we already know how we FEEL.”

If God is dead, then I m okay with it but why the hell Sigmund Freud is dead! Because psychological revolution is required in this century

Exploring India

We all do, all sorts of weird things, mine is a journey to unknown cities, where I know no-one. If you will ask me the reason? I don't know the real reason yet, but today I feel 'I like this spontaneous way to live a life', no self-created worries about the future. Just like Jon Krakauer exploring Alaska in the book 'Into the Wild', well maybe it's a bit exaggeration of my travelling, but the feeling is somewhat similar. Every day is about Living in the present and survival, no dependent family members, no social gatherings.

Only management of thoughts and food, I wish I could live like this forever, who knows later I might get bored of this life as well.

Masks that we wear !

We all hide behind some mask or the other while reading the book ‘a fine family’ the writer Gurcharan Das pointed out a 'Mask of spirituality’ which is troubling me ever since that what if I have such mask? Just because I am not Ambitious doesn’t necessarily mean I am spiritual. Living unattached life and developing genuine relations only, is the core of spirituality according to me, I guess I am on this path.

Sometimes we pretend something we are not, reason can be to impress someone or to boost our confidence or maybe to hide our complex. Masks are things that WE DO or associate with specific images that are stuck in our mind, like if I have to pretend that I have “Modern Psyche” then I will talk more about Live-in relationships or intimacy with opposite gender or maybe oppose "Arranged marriages” although experience may not synchronise with the words that I am speaking but this all become the part of the act.

I am searching for the things I am suffering from, my delusions? Among other things, unless I know such loopholes in the state of my mind, I can’t overcome and be a better person. Feel free to let me know about MY MASKS if you know any!

Why we need people around us !

Why do we make friends? As I like to shake my soul every day, so I often ask myself such questions. I get answers like maybe I am afraid to be alone or embarrassed to go the movies alone, so I dare myself to do all these things before coming to any conclusion! I do not mind roaming alone; in fact, it's better than to be with a convenient company. What is the point of having a physical form around you who is lost in his world and doesn't understand a single thing you say! Most of us are suffering from some complex or the other

"People who feel superior like to hang with the people beneath them; on the other hand, people with inferiority complex constantly ask for the approval of others."

Genuine conversations happen only when real emotions can flow between people; sharing of heartfelt feelings is the actual reason we crave for another individual. The urge to tell someone about the unfair things that are happening to you or destructive thoughts that cloud your judgement is one of the many reasons I reach out to the people. I don't know your reason, but I guess its wise to ask yourself such questions, it's the first step to know about the cunningness within you. Because I have seen people become close to the people around them, the later discard them when they move to the new place. This reminds me of the book 'Diary of a Sociopath', frequently changing friends is a sickness or may be a symptom that we are living in our delusions! If we continue to affect the people around us, then eventually it will affect our emotional stability, it's easy to blame the world, but it is tough to see our faults.

"The way we live defines the world around us."

Draft

Do every writer will have to suffer this much or have to go through so many experiences before writing such memoirs.

Self Imposed Restrictions !

"If u will consider what others might say before doing anything then you can never 'Live freely' & you will end up imposing so many Restrictions "

I m reading the book infidel which is about a Muslim girl who stood against her religion! Many women fought against dowry, domestic violence, inequality and this all start from small changes we make around us!

I speak against these Self-imposed restrictions because they cripple your decision-making skills and overpower your fear! Life will be chaos if we have to consider so many factors !!

In Life one day you will stop caring about others and live by our own rules, we always find that person, who will show us how things can be changed so easily if we speak up! Although my words seem ridiculous to you when you will see what others are doing to live a happy life, then you will be shocked!

Lastly, most of the girls I met claimed that a job would change their life but just earning money will not suffice for your personal growth and make you strong to fight against the world, yes what you think eventually we are on our own in this world when it comes to fighting for our rights.

How you live and how you make people sensitive as per your feelings is the sign of your maturity, not the superficial confidence that we generate by filling our bank accounts. "Suffocation kills the relationship, and I always raise my voice against such suppression."

Realtionships in Social Networking World !

"Image courtesy - Wassem Asaad

I do not understand where social networking is taking us, even the introvert people have so many friends on Instagram and Facebook, but in actual life, they don’t have a single friend to confide in !! Because on Social Networking we don’t have to talk to make friends instead send a request to your friend's friend and most probably your request will be accepted, because the entire world is willing to shout that he/she is social. Its as if being anti-social is a crime! My sisters live in a virtual world, everything that we do is posted on snap chat even when we go for a movie or take a long drive, I feel she is just physically present but most of the time she is in this parallel universe, replying to the comments on her posts & thinking what to upload next. Yes if things go like this, then we might require rehabs for these 'social junkies'. As quickly as we make these Virtual friends, with the same rapid speed they go from our life. This coming and going of people keeps us entertained. As someone becomes inconvenient, we block that person as if there are no 'Moral grounds', that's the real reason Emotions lack intensity these days because no-one is taking anyone seriously!

"Death of a relationship is way more painful than the actual Death of a person."

"God knows what we will gain by pretending what we are not”, our long list of followers is merely a way to hallucinate ourselves that so many people love us. But we must test the Depth and intensity of our relations! Eventually, what matters is, who you can trust with your real feelings and with whom you can share our deepest Fears because human interaction is about sharing real emotions and not the small talk!

Calculative Love & Relationships

“We can't refute that most of our relationships are based on the ‘calculations’ we do to maintain the depth and intensity of that relationship.”

People do not want to move out of their comfort zone, so they start keeping track of the things they DO, on the request of others. I am not saying it's intentional, may its the Defence Mechanism of our mind or maybe its because of our tainted upbringing. The reason is different for every individual, but we all must find our reasons for such behaviour else we might lose all the people we care for !!

It's not fair to maintain relationships as per our 'OWN CONVENIENCE' or to go things SUITABLE to us. In my opinion, our connection with another Human is our crucial source to shake our thoughts because our selfishness may not be visible to us, but others might point it out. Probably 'Selfless Relationships' will exist in utopia but if we can at least be Transparent about our thoughts and follow the high moral values of our soul, we will create an aura where peaceful living is possible.

Life is dynamic and so is our connection with the universe and we need to be aware of every word that comes out our mouth and every step we take, to not to disturb the balance of people around us.

Spirituality within Me

As always I try my level best to touch the soul of other spiritual people, even on marriages and other social gatherings I take the initiative to talk to people, because that’s the only way I know for my personal growth and emotional stability, people mostly tell me about their genuine feelings and dilemma’s and I vent my worries and questions to these strangers. I want people to be blunt and speak the truth; otherwise, it is not meaningful.

“People underestimate the change I want within me, every day I question customs, social norms, career, marriage, physical needs, fake relations & many more” Spirituality according to me is the sensitivity of the soul, I want to break all the restrictions imposed on me by the society. I am tired of being told, “what to do & how to do it”… I want to free my soul from worries like (what others will think about me). Now I want to follow my heart to reach to as many people as possible, irrespective of gender, location and age difference. I guess its time for me to increase the pace of my transformation, as people pointed out that I will evolve just like the rest of us. I will continue to be like this, as long as I am not affecting another soul, because that will disturb the balance of the environment around me and I might sink in my cocoon again, no doubt solitude can help me in revealing the layers of jealousy, hatred that I have harboured over the years because of my limited understanding of all the experiences that occurred in my life. But to see the profoundness, I need people to share their enlightenment.

“It's not easy to see the futility of the things when the entire world is doing it !!

I try not to be offended if the other person does not reciprocate the feeling, because not everyone during these events is interested in a serious talk about the “Meaning of Life” or “Why to Live”, but even if one person respond I feel the contentment, and it encourages me to go on a larger scale because I am trying to create transparent world around where people can talk without any hesitation and obstacles in their mind. I do not want anybody to wear the mask of happiness even if they are sulking from Inside. I guess it feels better to express your Emotions at that particular moment rather than repressing it for a later release, probably later you might create a bubble which might burst any minute and which might do more harm.

Marriage or Merger

When a family collaborate with the family of the same ‘class and religion’ for the benefit of both the families, what do we call it Merger or Marriage?

Almost every couple who had fallen in love are supposed to hear this from their parents at least once or many times during their lifetime, depending on the psyche of their parents. They say “love is not enough; we have to live in society, love will fade away”. But what's the actual reason that they are so anti against love marriages

Probably its because that we are unable to accept the decisions taken by other, parents who created and nourished their kids, wish to choose the spouse for them. Because their experience of the world is greater.

On the other hand, youngsters want to make their own decisions because it's their life. They should be allowed to learn from their own mistakes and grow mature. Maturity doesn’t come with age; instead, it comes with learning.

"Whenever two individuals decide to enter into a relationship, they must consider that they might have to go against their family for the conversion of this love into marriage."

I don't understand why people take this marriage decision so lightly, for me, it is a crucial decision of my life. Career is given so much importance.

"What matters more, my package or the love and respect of the person sleeping next to me."

I can't imagine my life living with a person I don't love, well this so-called financial stability is required for the family which is to be done out of 'love' and not as an obligation. We all have to work on our emotional growth to maintain a healthy relationship with our life partner. Being Successful is not an excuse for your inability to express love and care for the person who matters most in your life.

"Marriage is not an arrangement between the two individuals but a union of two souls to raise a few more souls."

it is not a factory for the continuity of your family name or a process of making a baby who will support you in your old age.

“Things which we Laugh about, depicts the maturity of our Mind”

If you feel the impulse to laugh on the handwriting above, then go ahead LAUGH. I always thought that the content that we laugh about reflects the actual state of our mind while reading 'The Glass Castle' by Jeannette Walls I realised, even she was traumatised that everyone is laughing off her appearance. I have heard people laughing on weird hairstyles, facial features or gays and sometimes as petty as a striped shirt just because your clothing preference does not match with the other person that doesn’t mean that another person is a joker! Not everyone is blessed to have branded clothes, and neither everyone is concerned about Fashion, I guess obsession about looks is merely a way to suppress our inferiority complex.

Sensitivity can be acquired with the awareness of the way we do things; even such small changes can develop our personality to a great extent. Laughing on yourself is considered healthy but on others is rude. So next time when you feel like laughing on others, THINK AGAIN !!!

“Opposite gender attracts me”

What is in this physical form of a female, that I still get so attracted. What is this urge which is instilled within me that I am unable to control my senses?

Maybe this physical release is vital for the functioning of our body, or perhaps it's essential for the continuity of the "Human Race", which God created to serve some purpose which is still unknown to us.

I have heard so much about the channelising this energy; otherwise, hunger for flesh will increase continuously; this need takes over all the rest of the needs if unsatisfied. I don't know how to control the enormous energy flowing within me?

“Stop making me a machine !!!!!”

Image courtesy - www.tenor.com

Why the hell this entire world is making it so difficult for me to express my feelings, I am a human and I feel concern, affection, anger, frustration and regret.

But every day I feel that people do not like when I say what I feel and I seriously have NO switch to OFF my feelings, I don't understand why we have control something so natural. Please for god sake create a better environment where people can speak their mind else we will end up becoming a machine which works, earn, live and die

Poetry

"Love is lunacy and an ailment with no cure,

And I don't want it anymore

All those years we spent together,

You said you will be with me forever

I did the best I could,

Still your family thought our love was impure.

I bent my knee to them and asked for their blessings

Still they said it's not originated from the core.

I put everything I had on the stake,

Then u pointed out that u did all the sacrifice

Maybe I was delusional, it was not as it seems,

Now you want me to forget you like bad dreams

I wish I had the power to transform my life

And give myself another chance

But once dreams are shattered,

And thoughts are cluttered

It's hard to gather the courage to jump again and I feel I have nothing to offer

I firmly believe that another soul with me will only suffer

Wounds may heal but will surely leave the mark,

Deep down I know life with me is too dark

Maybe moving on is not my nature,

This is my destiny and that’s how I will suffer

Love does not happen with calculation

and everyone does not experience its creation

Some are entitled to become the victim of its destruction

Love is contagious, a sickness with no cure,

And I seriously don’t want it anymore

#Blogs

0 notes

think-blot · 4 years

Text

Timeless Pt.2

Summary: For centuries, Y/N has been Klaus’ well kept secret. An innocent soul that cherished him despite his short comings, that loved him no matter the monster he became. She was his, he was hers, and he wasn’t keen on letting that go. Of course, that kind of love is perfect leverage and the Salvatore brothers have just learned about her existence.

Word Count: 1768

A/N: some insight on Y/N. i hope you enjoy, sorry for any mistakes

PT. 1

-----

Despite where they had kept her, the Salvatore residence was delightfully impressive. She left her cell to explore the endless hallways and tall doorways, beyond mesmerized as she walked behind the brothers. Her cottage seemed childlike in comparison. Once they reached the living area, where sun seemed to collect as it came through the full length windows, she tried desperately to hold in a gasp. Before either brother could stop her, she rushed to get a closer look, screaming in agony instead of delight as the sun touched her skin. Hands wrapped around her, rushing her to a place to sit as the sun was snuffed out like a candle. "Why?" Tears flooded her eyes as she stared at Stefan, lip quivering at the idea that they had betrayed the little trust she had allowed them.

He let her go as if he was the one being burned, fiddling with something in his pocket until he could pull it out. "I'm sorry about that, I was going to give you this back after you ate something." In his hand was a golden necklace with a dark crystal as a pendant. Her hand rushed to her neck, shocked that she hadn't noticed its absence. Niklaus had given it to her the first time he had to leave, she had never seen it as anything but a gift of love.

She takes it carefully, letting out a sigh of relief as the weight of it settles against her chest. "Its absence caused the sun to harm me?" Her eyes are wide like a baby dear and, though it's his first instinct to doubt, a part of the Salvatore brother knew she wasn't just acting.

"You don't know the first thing about being a vampire, do you?" Y/N pulled back, offended despite the truth in his statement. The moment she was turned, Niklaus had guided her through the whole experience. She didn't even know how to hunt for something on her own, let alone compel it.

"I've never had to." She doesn’t look at him as she admits it, focusing on the feeling of her skin healing itself instead. A blood bag was thrown at her as Damon walked into the living room, Stefan catching it before it hit her in the face. It seemed she needed to work on her reflexes if she wanted to exist around the brothers.

"You really are a princess, huh?" Damon lounged across from her, staring at her deeply in an unnerving way. "Plump and waiting in the tower for Prince Charming. Spoiled."

She hated the word as it left his mouth, dripping in spite and something like hate. There was an emotion she didn't know she could feel festering under her skin and, before she knew it, the elder brother was trapped under her, blood beginning to spill from the indents under her fingers around his neck. " You will not speak to me in that way." There was no smirk as she growled above him, the hold on him not allowing any more foul words to leave his lips.

"I suppose I should've warned you of the violence streak dear Y/N had before my brother compelled it from her." The new voice distracted her enough to let go of Damon, the vampire taking a deep breath and glaring at his own brother as he did. Stefan could only shrug.

She couldn't remember a time when this anger had filled her and yet a man who had known her as long as her lover was familiar with it. There was too much going through her head as she stared at Elijah. Not only had Niklaus trusted him with the one thing he held close to his heart, but she had trusted him with her innermost doubts and insecurities. Betrayal was bitter on her tongue as she hissed, "You."

"I realize you're upset but I did what was best-" She was nowhere near as strong as an original, though she was close in age they were more capable than her in every sense of the word. However, sharing a bedroom with one gave her the upper hand she didn't know she would need as she rushed Elijah. He moved to sidestep her, a move Niklaus often used to get the upper hand, allowing her to catch him and throw him as far as her body would allow. The crash covered the sound of Stefan making his way to stand next to her, offering a calm touch despite the sudden understanding of why Klaus was so obsessed with her. Elijah stood with an air of calm that she used to appreciate, brushing off his suit and ignoring the blood that dripped on his face. "Is it out of your system?"

Y/N straightened her posture, breathing in deeply and pushing the fire down, "Explain yourself to me, Elijah."

"You've spent too much time with my brother, Y/N." He smiled to himself, the sight causing her to bristle. "May we have the room, boys?" Damon left, muttering under his breath that this was his home while Stefan paused to look at the two. When he realized he was already invisible to them, he sighed and followed his brother. The moment he knew they could no longer hear them, his posture loosened the slightest bit. He smirked, "And then there were two."

-----

She sat across from Elijah, the table she had thrown him into now a buffer between them. There are memories of a faraway life dancing in her head, one where Elijah was the first to steal her admiration from the world. It's no wonder Niklaus took the memory of him away from her. "They fed you vervain, it stops any kind of compulsion," Elijah said, always the one to get straight to business before anything. "Unfortunately, it's also extremely toxic to us. Hence, the burning."

"That is not the explanation I wanted." Y/N replied with a glare he hadn't seen in centuries seemingly tattooed on her face. He had missed this side of her.

"My brother has kept a lot from you, most of it behind the guise of your own safety." He continued, "With his new motivation to find the cure, I thought it would be beneficial that you were yourself again."

"At the expense of your brother's trust? He will connect it to you sooner rather than later, Elijah."

A sad smile tugged on his lips, the worry from the woman across from him bittersweet. "Yes, but you no longer live the way he wishes. Not until he finds us, that is." Of course, the distraction of her disappearance was more than helpful in creating a plan regarding Klaus. There was even a small part of Elijah that hoped without his brother's compulsion, she would realize that not only is there a world outside her cabin but that there's a love outside of him. "Is that not worth it for the time being?"

His question echoed throughout her mind, the idea of an entire world being at her exposure beyond overwhelming. Then there was Niklaus and the sudden mixture of emotions she felt towards her lover. She had always hated when he was angry, never sure why, but as she wondered what would happen when he found her images of torn-apart bodies and blood-stained floors flooded her. Was it smart to hope against him? "There's more to what you say."

"You know our family well." He stood carefully, making his way to her with all the time in the world. He offered her his hand, "Come, let me show you what you've missed."

-----

It's a two-day journey back to Mystic Falls, though it doesn't escape Klaus that he had no idea as to how long they had her. Anger fueled his every move as he crossed the town line, going straight to the Salvatore house with no other thought than getting her back. He's forced backward as he attempts to charge through the doors, a scream forcing itself out of his lungs. "Salvatore!" He took a breath, a worthless attempt to calm himself down. There was shuffling coming from inside the home but nothing that sounded like his love.

The door opened to a smug Damon, leaning against the wall just out of Klaus' reach, "Well isn't this a pleasant sight. To what do we owe the pleasure, your majesty?" He rushed as close to the doorway as he could, glaring at the other vampire with enough malice that a human could feel it collect in the air. "Seems the owner of the house never invited you in." He tutted.

"I will burn your beloved home to the ground." Klaus seethed, a deadly smirk on his face as he imagined the scene.

"You might lose some precious cargo doing that." The murderous haze around him cleared as he stared at the elder Salvatore's neck. Deep indents were still healing, dried blood caking the neck of his shirt, the sight filling him with pride like never before.

"She can't be used against me, though I admire your hope of the contrary." Klaus smirked, "All you've done is make Elena's death that much more painful." The façade Damon held broke ever so slightly at the mention of Elena, proving that the two brothers were weak when it came to the doppelganger. He rose his voice for her to hear, still staring Damon down as he did, "My love! Do what you must, find me when you tire of these nitwits." He left without another word, full confidence that he would be reunited with her by the end of the week.

Carefully, she tiptoed out of the hallway and watched as he walked away. She wanted nothing more than to run to him, to yell his name, and feel his arms around her as he whisked her away from this new world around her. But as her heart tugged to be with him, her feet stayed glued to where they were. He was allowing her some time, no doubt suspecting that they had taken away his compulsion, which meant he wanted her to learn. She took a deep breath, Niklaus' blessing taking away the hesitation she once had. She'd go back to him and they'd be happy, but first, she needed to know what was going on. She looked to Elijah, despite his betrayal he was the only one she could trust, and with a smile, he offered his arm to her. The moment Niklaus was no longer in sight, she wrapped her hand around his arm and readied herself for the new world.

-----------

Tag list

@misselsbells06

@marvel-ousnesss

@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce

@iliveforthefandom04

#klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson fanfic #klaus mikaelson imagine #klaus x reader #klaus x you #klaus mikaelson x you #klaus mikaelson x reader #timeless

369 notes · View notes

abiteofnat · 3 years

Text

If you’re reading this, I’m coming back to Chicago, beetch

The non-existent rumors are true. After a brief 10-month exit from the city to soak up the fresh air and social distance-friendly suburbs, I am now returning to Chicago as a single, slightly more anxious version of myself. While I’m still trying to kick some of the anxiety and OCD that COVID-19 pushed from “lifelong tagalongs” to “all-controlling demons”, I feel 97% ready to be back where I feel most myself, and cannot wait to welcome that change. While that 3% still makes me a little uncomfy and hesitant, I’m a believer in pushing your boundaries to allow yourself to grow, and also, I am really sick of suburbs food.

Ha! I joke. I wouldn’t move downtown simply for access to more diverse & higher quality food... or would I? All I know is while there are plenty of gems in the North Shore, I’ve eaten take out from all of them ten times over, and I did not foster my dislike of cooking out of nowhere. My parents do not enjoy cooking, my sister pretends to enjoy cooking, and I will cook if it is 5 ingredients or less. My latest speciality is a toasted bagel with butter, hummus, and EBTB seasoning. Voila. So when it comes to dinner, we are living off of a carousel of suburban favorites, and are losing steam as we are still not comfortable with dining inside (or dining inside in the city, where the fun food is).

All of this to say, it’s exciting to imagine what life is going to be like in a few short weeks. While I’m still extra precautionary, I can’t wait to have my own space downtown, where I can enjoy coffee on my little balcony (!!!) and dream of the days friends can come squeeze into my studio safely while I lay out an entire table of sharable spreads and snacks from Ema (Charred Eggplant Spread is the best one, don’t fight me).

So you may ask, how did you come to this decision to move to the heart of downtown out of seemingly nowhere, you hermit?

It starts with my mom and I having a brief, simultaneous breakdown and coming to the conclusion that we would both feel comfortable doing a staycation downtown, as long as we wore masks, sanitized always, and braved the cold to eat outside. This was big for me! As a person with real OCD, not cute TV show “I have to keep my pens straight” OCD, this would be the most exposure I’d had to a lot of uncontrollable variables since the pandemic started. If you’re thinking, “you get to spend a weekend downtown in a hotel with your mom, shut up”, know that I hear you. I am unbelievably grateful that I’ve gotten this time with my parents, and that we can do a staycation. However, having anxiety comes at a cost, and that cost is blowing everything way the fuck out of proportion instead of being able to rationalize it sometimes. Let’s! Normalize! Having! This! Discussion!

So, we went downtown in early March for a two-night stay, and oh my goodness. The realization that we got to be in a different space, and do different things, and eat different food for a weekend made it feel like a legit vacation, and not like we drove 30 minutes to get there. The view from our room was of Michigan Ave, and hearing the traffic and seeing the people out and about instantly made me feel a sense of peace I wasn’t expecting. I’ve lived downtown for 6 years, but it always shocks me how much the city feels like an extension of me once I’m in it after being away. My mom and I went out for a walk (gentle yet forceful reminder to please wear a mask), then decided to grab dinner while we were out. The plan was to bring it back to the room, but there was a warm spell, and there just happened to be a table for two at Topolobampo on Clark, and suddenly we were sitting on the patio under the lights eating masa quesadillas dipped in a spicy salsa verde. It just happened!!!

Before getting downtown, I was tentatively looking at apartments for the spring. I was looking at Lincoln Park, Old Town, maybe Lakeview, and came across a listing in the Gold Cost that caught my eye. That one was swiped out from under me within days, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the area. Then I discovered another unit that was available, and couldn’t shake it from my mind. Over mushroom tacos I discussed it with my mom, and we decided to go see it. Totally not what I had been planning for in terms of location, but why not?

Once we polished off breakfast the next morning (Eggs Benedict with fried eggs, extra hollandaise) we headed out to see the place. Let me say I have never seen my mom fall in love with a single apartment I’ve lived in, and she was ALL. FOR. IT. Unreal reaction on her part. Once I saw the west-facing views and the incredible natural lighting, I was 100% in as well.

We spent the rest of the weekend wandering the downtown area, enjoying another dinner outside at The Gwen and my mom’s first visit to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery, which was 95% more empty than I’ve ever seen it given we went in a pandemic at 8:30PM. Shit on Starbucks all you want, but that Roastery is an incredible use of space (in non-pandemic times) and the coffee & Princi pastries are really, really good.

When we got back home feeling refreshed and like we had actually gone on a vacation, I jumped into apartment shark mode real fast and signed as many documents as the very kind realtor could send over. One week later, whabaam, I was a Gold Coast girl. Ahem, *lady*. What better way to celebrate than going to Somerset and having the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread and Wild Mushroom Risotto? No clue. As I sat outside, yet again with my mom, I felt a wave of excitement come over me and realized, this is it. This is the sign and feeling I’ve been waiting for, telling me it’s time to move back to the city and start over. The creamy, herbacious risotto also helped solidify that.

SO. After all of that, the news is I’m moving, and you’re probably wondering why I shared all of this on a blog about food. I meant for this post to be about everywhere I ate during my staycation, but realized quickly we ate at some very basic places - DELICIOUS, but still basic. Oops. Below are all the dishes I had and a rundown of the flavors, textures, etc., however don’t expect to find any new, revolutionary restaurants. Sorry!

1. Topolobampo

This Rick Bayless restaurant has been around forever, and unfortunately, you can tell by the interior. We’ve eaten here as a family a couple of times before, but never had a noteworthy experience. I can confirm that in a pinch, the patio covered in fun lights & mini piñatas, and the sharable, filling bites will do just fine. This was my first time going to a Mexican restaurant as a non-alcohol drinker, and instead of my typical mezcal margarita, I opted for a Fresh Limeaide which was refreshing and flavorful. We split the Guacamole and Chips, which if you’ve ever stopped at the Frontera in O’Hare, you know is good as fuck. It’s smooth, creamy, tangy, and topped with chopped onions and cilantro for a little crunch. It’s not the most life-changing, but it is consistently satisfying. Next, we got the Mushroom Tacos and Masa Quesadillas. The Masa Quesadillas were a fun surprise, as instead of a tortilla, the masa is what makes up the outside. They are almost like empanadas and stuffed with gooey, melty cheese, and come with a spicy salsa verde on the side. I would come back for these alone - they’re rich yet light, warm, and comforting, all the things you would want when dining outside when it’s still a little chilly. The Mushroom Tacos were quite frankly unreal, because whatever they seasoned the mushroom slices with and grilled them on made them taste unlike any mushroom I’ve had before. There was definitely some meat crossover on the grill, so don’t order those if you’re vegan, or ask them to prepare the mushroom separately. I however was LOSING MY MIND. Over mushrooms. The joys of being vegetarian!

2. The Gwen

On a happening Saturday night in Chicago, Upstairs at The Gwen is sure to be a packed scene. Located in River North, this hotel bar/restaurant offers a somehow cozy rooftop filled with loungey couches, fire pits, and ambient lighting, even though you’re surrounded by apartments and skyscrapers and there is nothing “cozy” about River North. Every table was filled, yet since you’re outside and it’s fairy spread apart, it still felt safe. I got my new classic, a Lemonade, and we got the Burrata to start. With sourdough, roasted beets, squash, pomegranate, pistachio, & arugula, this plate was nothing short of mouth-watering. It has textures! It has flavors! It has pomegranate seeds, the TikTok must have of the moment! The bread was 10/10, the burrata was 8/10, and all of the toppings made for a very find bite of salad on their own. For my main I got the Lobster Fettucine, a beautiful bowl of “charcoal fettuccine with saffron-tomato sauce, lobster, calabrian chili butter, and basil-brioche crumbs” as listed on their website. Take any of those ingredients and it’s going to be delicious, but all of them TOGETHER? INCREDIBLE. The chunks of lobster were huge, absolutely making the dish worth its price tag, and the sauce was flavorful, unique, and unlike any sauce I’ve tasted in the last few years. It’s typical to do a squid ink pasta with seafood and tomato sauce, but the saffron added a new element I very much appreciated.

3. The Starbucks Roastery

I KNOW. THIS IS A TOURIST DESTINATION. All I am saying is if there’s no line, go get an iced latte with two packets of sugar in the raw. That’s all. It’s really good after something like, I don’t know, Lobster Fettucine.

4. The Penninsula

You cannot go wrong with hitting up The Penninsula for breakfast or brunch, especially if you are staying there and have the option to do room service. Typically we would go to Pierrot Gourmet, the cafe in the ground floor of The Penninsula, however it has been closed temporarily. If there’s one thing to order with your breakfast, it’s the smashed fingerling potatoes. Delish.

5. Somerset

Somerset is becoming a quick go-to of mine for an impromptu dinner downtown, given it’s in the heart of Gold Coast and is cute if you’re sitting indoors or outdoors. The food is nothing too innovative, but it is done well, which is the most important part with “cuter” restaurants that may focus on the Instagram appeal over the food sometimes. Each time I’ve gone I’ve gotten the seasonal flatbread and a pasta or risotto, usually something with mushrooms, and it’s always been plate-licking good. To drink, I got -you guessed it- a Lemonade! For dinner I went with the Wild Mushroom Risotto which was everything you could hope for in a risotto, topped with olive oil, herbs, and local parmesan. We split the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread which was as it sounds, flatbread covered in rapini, garlic, and ricotta, which added a nice crunch and had enough rapini to feel like it was replacing a boring vegetable side dish or salad. The patio vibes were wonderful, the judgemental girls in the greenhouses looked like they were having a good time, and our waiter couldn’t have been sweeter. I will be going back to try the Fontina Arancini, which I just noticed on the menu. FRICK.

So there you have it, a very long-winded explanation of the last few weeks of my life and where you can find me on a staycation in Chicago. Hopefully once I move back to the city I’ll have endless new spots to try and won’t be basic anymore!

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie

25 notes · View notes

pigtownchronicles · 4 years

Text

Chapter 2.6 - Counteroffers and Missing Pieces

Of all the things that Barry had considered that meeting might be, he was left with a result, afterward, that was so far beyond his expectations that by the time he got home, he was sure that it must have been a dream of some sort. A hallucination, perhaps. He checked his wallet twice, but everything was there. He hadn’t given out any personal information that he could recall, but maybe he’d been under some sort of strange influence, and just didn’t remember. Dennis asked him why he was home late, and he came up with some excuse about working late on a deadline for a meeting in the morning that seemed to satisfy him. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure that Dennis particularly cared, beyond the fact that it was a disruption in his routine.

Dinner had already been made, and he ate it alone, since Dennis never waited for him to get home if he was late. He thought again about what he had felt for that moment, under the effect of that dust, the sheer lust for life that had pulsed in his veins, but while he appreciated the sensation, it was not what he wanted, not really. He wanted something more...ephemeral than that. He wanted a husband who would be willing to wait until he got home, who would eat with him, who would ask him about his day and genuinely care about his answers. He wanted a job that gave him a sense of dignity and respect, without feeling like he was being constantly placated with condescension. He felt like everyone around him treated him like a child. He tried to push beyond himself, wondering if he was asking for this. Maybe he was a little childish. A little petulant and unfocused, a little afraid of commitment and authority. But that wasn’t his fault. He’d just never been given a chance to show that he could do it. That he could be the adult in the room. They treated him like a child, which made him want to act like a child, which only reinforced the way they all treated him. A vicious cycle, one he’d been swirling in too long to see the edge, but this was a sword that could cut through all of it. He just wanted respect--and even if he couldn’t get something so immaterial, maybe he could at least get that...promotion.

It seemed like it should be possible to him, given what he’d seen and learned today. The more he thought about it, the more right it sounded, and the more he was willing to accept what he’d seen, if it might mean getting the life he thought he deserved. Dennis asked him if he wanted to join him on his evening constitutional around the neighborhood, and Barry declined. Instead, he went up to his office upstairs, and gave Ian a call. He’d expected him to agree, but instead, Ian gave him a sigh. A familiar sigh, to Barry. It was a sigh people gave him when he’d asked for too much, for something an adult would understand was impossible.

“Well see, now we’re not so much talking about you as a seller, and changing our conversation to that of a buyer,” Ian said.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, now you’re asking for something that’s worth more than what you have to offer, which means it’s going to have to come with a price tag. That’s not a problem, mind you, but to get my hands on something like that--to find someone willing to give it up...It’s not impossible, mind you, just, well, let me quote you something.”

He gave Barry a number that made his guts twist around a bit inside. They were wealthy, sure, but not...like that. “You’re kidding.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not.”

“Anyone who could pay that sort of money could already buy the damn respect of people in the first place!”

“You’re not wrong,” Ian said. “There is another possibility.”

“What?”

“If you were to...acquire someone with the sort of qualities that you’re looking for, and then perhaps bring them here, I could see that you get a finder’s fee for the service.”

“I don’t...know if I quite understand what you mean.”

“If you’re asking for this, then you already know someone who has what you desire, don’t you?”

“Hypothetically, yes.”

“Then if you were to bring them to the house, I would be able to process them. You would get what you desire, and I would be able to process the rest into goods to be brokered with others.”

“That’s...I mean, what happens to them?”

“I’m a broker. There’s always a buyer, even for waste product in most situations.”

“I see.”

“Do keep in mind my other offer though, Barry. I do think that you have some prime assets to sell, and you would be quite satisfied with the results, I assure you.”

“I...I’ll let you know.”

“Have a good evening.”

Barry hung up, and considered what Ian had told him. He thought about Richard again. He thought about how everyone was going out on Friday evening. He pushed that away, but each time it did, it came circling back again, and each time, it looked a little more attractive than before.

Meanwhile, Dennis was walking the neighborhood in the pleasant summer evening. It was almost eight and the sun was still shining near the horizon, folks were out on their porches, kids were out in the street chasing each other. It was pleasant. It felt normal, and comforting to him. He waved at the various families he passed, stopping on occasion to catch up, to ask how their gardens were doing, if they had any vacation plans. He worked his way down the street until he reached the house where Kyle lived, and saw Kyle’s father in the garage, working on some project. He gave a wave, and got a scowl back at first, but then a half-hearted wave in return. Dennis figured it would be better to keep walking, but you didn’t change minds without a bit of exposure. “How’s the project going, Eric?” he said.

“Just fine, thanks for asking.”

“Good to hear. Hey, how’s Kyle doing? Barry and I might be taking a week in August for a trip to see our folks, and we’d love him to watch the cat.”

“Why the fuck would I know that that faggot son of mine is up to?” Eric spat back at him, and Dennis looked at him, confused. Had...Kyle told him?

“What...what happened?”

“Moved into the city after he graduated, told us he was gay, that he didn’t want anything to do with us. Haven’t heard from him sense, and don’t fucking want to. At least he had the decency to not make me pay for his fucking college tuition--won’t be getting a dime of my money if I have anything to say about it.”

Dennis took all that in, gave another wave, as Eric went back to his project, and he kept walking, picking up his pace a bit, trying to sort out what he’d just learned. Kyle hadn’t moved out, had he? Hell, just a few days ago, they’d brought him home from the club! Dennis tried to pin down the events, but as he did, they were getting a little foggy and confused. He did remember seeing Kyle in the club with that bear, but...

He got home, went upstairs and found Barry in his office, head in his hands and staring at his phone. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Huh? Sure, what’s up.”

“We...gave Kyle a ride home on Friday, didn’t we?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I swear we did.”

“Dennis, Kyle moved out his parents place a few months ago. We saw him at the club with that older guy, yeah, but...” Barry shrugged, “The kid’s making his own choices now. Nothing we can do about it, you know?”

“I guess,” Dennis said, standing in the doorway, still trying to sort out his own memory. There was something else too, nagging at him. Something that seemed to be missing, another little piece of the puzzle, but one that had mysteriously slipped from the box. “I’m gonna go to bed early, I have a surgery tomorrow.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a bit,” Barry said.

He heard Dennis go into the bedroom and the shower turn on, and he picked up the phone again, and saw that Ian had replied to his text asking for Hugh’s contact number, and given it to him. He put in the contact, and sent another message to Hugh, and then sat there, anxiously waiting for a reply. He had a hard time taking his own mind on this seriously, but it was the first idea in a very long time that he felt a sense of certainty about. If he wanted people to respect him, then he was going to have to get out of this hole he was in. This was the first time someone had offered him a way out--and he wasn’t going to back away from it, not this time. His days of being treated like a child were over.

***

Want more Pigtown Chronicles? Support me over on my Patreon, and you can get early access to new chapters, along with loads of other content!

#reality shift

10 notes · View notes

ofheroesandvillains · 5 years

Text

To Catch A Ghost 2 - B.Russo

Words: 2.5k Warnings: None Summary: You find a way in.

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading and commenting on part 1. It’s a bit of a slow start - bear with me. I did some research for this chapter and it was super underwhelming. Reader is a sniper in this story and the US military doesn't have much info on them so...creative licence and all that. The squad mentioned is not real (to my knowledge).

(Not my gif, credit to the creator!)

“He got any family? Friends?”

“Grew up in the system. Surrogate family was gunned down in broad daylight.”

“The Castles.”

You remembered hearing about that particular tragedy on the news. Your eyes travelled to the black and white photo paperclipped to Russo’s profile. They both looked like hell, covered in dirt and sweat-soaked clothes, but their smiles were blinding.

“That’s right. Castle’s skipped town until this mess with the CIA dies down, so he shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Alright. Anyone else I should know about?”

“Curtis Hoyle. Former Navy SARC.”

“Connection?”

“They served together. Hoyle runs group therapy sessions at St. John’s for vets - sessions funded by Russo.”

---------

3 months later...

Most assumed that Billy Russo was a man of fine taste - he had enough money, good-looks, and charm to ensure that people swiftly forgot that he was the product of a broken and abusive system. That was Billy Russo the businessman, and while he took his job very seriously, that man would never be who he really was.

Billy Russo was a soldier. A man who was happy to get his hands dirty if it meant getting the job done. And his hands had been covered in so much blood lately, he could barely recognise them. It was all worth it, of course. He’d do anything for Frank, and if that meant putting his benefactor six feet under, then he’d do it with a smile on his face. And he did.

Thinking about Rawlins put a bad taste in his mouth. To know that he’d been reliant on the bastard responsible for tearing Frankie’s family apart, his family apart…if he could kill him again, he would.

Unfortunately, killing Rawlins had left ANVIL in a precarious position. The company had been slowly gaining a reputation, but he knew these things took time.

Not only was his biggest investor gone, but he’d also lost a lot of Rawlins’ contacts and personnel. Recruitment was slow. Though ANVIL was kept out of the papers after all that went down with Rawlins, his employees knew about the investigation and many had jumped off what they believed was a sinking ship. His credibility had gone down and building it back up was costing him money he didn’t have.

Money he wasn’t sure he’d make without that elusive government contract he’d been chasing.

“Goddamn it.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose with a thumb and forefinger. The numbers in his excel spreadsheet were starting to blur together, and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take on two hours of sleep. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to see Frank. He wanted to talk to Curtis.

He wanted to do anything but what he was doing.

---------

“My cover?”

“Will have to be military - Keres Squad. You have the training, and the confidentiality will allow minimal exposure when he inevitably starts snooping. I’ve called in a favour with the DoD, we’re working on making this air-tight.”

“Why does it feel like you’re turning me into a female version of Russo?”

“He’ll be more sympathetic if you share similarities. The more of himself he sees in you, the more likely he’ll be to take you on.”

“Which fortune teller told you that crap? The more we have in common, the more he’ll dig.”

Coulson’s lips twitched into a barely-there smile.

“Yes, and you’re going to let him.”

---------

After months of watching him, you’d come to learn that ANVIL was pretty much Billy Russo’s entire life. He worked hard, you’d give him that, but that was pretty much all he did. Some nights he’d go out and find himself a distraction, others would be spent away on a job. But there was one day each fortnight that was untouchable.

Every second Thursday would see him out of ANVIL by midday, cheque in hand, and a small smile on his face. Today was one of those days, and the wait was finally over.

“You don’t have to do that, Ri.”

You shooed Curtis away when he tried to take the chair off your hands.

“And you don’t have to sit here listening to our crap every week, but you do. ‘Cause you’re a good guy.”

Curtis smiled wide and his eyes narrowed.

“That your roundabout way of complimenting yourself?”

“Hey, you’re the one always preaching about acknowledging the good inside each of us,” you recited with a pointed look.

He shoved your shoulder in good humour.

“Alright, smartass.”

You smiled. Curtis was a damn good guy, one of the most likeable people you’d met so far. But damn, as soon as he considered someone a friend, or worse, his responsibility, there was no chance of getting out of some serious talking. So when you turned around after stacking the last chair, you weren’t surprised to see him studying you as he so often did.

“Can I ask you something?” He crossed his arms, that appraising look in his eyes.

Of all the tough nuts he’d had to crack in his life, you’d been one of the toughest. He wasn’t quite sure he’d cracked you at all, to be honest.

“And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re here - hell, I’m proud of you. You got a good head on your shoulders.”

“So do you, Curt.” You huffed a laugh. “What’s the question?”

Curtis shrugged, and you could see his discomfort plain as day - he wasn’t one to hide his feelings. You knew there was a question he was dying to ask, one he never wanted to ask one of his people - why are you here?

Or at least a variation of it...you gave Curtis Hoyle credit, he was sharper than you thought he’d be. That was a problem for another day.

“Do these sessions help you?”

He’d never drive anyone who needed help away, and he knew better than most that some people hid their scars better than others - especially those trained to do so.

But you were something he’d never be able to understand, not really.

Soldiers...they were used to an enemy they could see, one they could fire at. Most of your life was spent killing ghosts stuck in the shadows - people like yourself. There came a point where feeling no longer came into question. Desensitisation was a blessing in your line of work.

You couldn’t tell Curtis that, because no matter how much it felt like it, he wasn’t your friend. He was just another person who knew the woman you were pretending to be - Sergeant Riley Jameson, Keres Squad Sniper, doesn’t talk much about what happened over there. And he was absolutely vital to your investigation.

That didn’t mean there wasn’t truth in your answer, a truth you’d never thought to confront before. On those days you spent alone in the cabin with nothing but time, you refused to admit to yourself that maybe you missed your old life a little more than you let on.

Sometimes you hoped for a knock on the door, a familiar face to try and rope you into a familiar situation.

You might even thank Coulson for this opportunity in the end.

“I just...sometimes I miss it, y’know? I mean, yeah, some of the things I’ve done…” you shook your head. “But there’s that familiarity to it all, that routine that kinda becomes the new normal after a while - a place to belong, a family you become a part of. It never really leaves you.”

He didn’t say a word, and you were grateful. It was the first time you spoke about something like this in the month you’d been attending his sessions. You’d admit that things were easier around Curtis though. They needed to be or you’d get nowhere.

“So maybe I deal with it better, but I think I do need to be here...just to feel that familiarity without itching for a gun in my hand again, y’know?”

A beat passed where he just stared at you, and then he smiled one of the softest smiles you’d seen him wear. It looked a lot like the one Clint had given you when you’d hit your first bullseye.

“Did that- did that make sense?”

“Absolutely.”

Surprisingly, it wasn’t Curtis who replied. William Russo, you recalled, had a voice like velvet. And his steps were annoyingly silent.

Right on time.

“Well, well,” Curtis teased with a grin. “Look who it is.”

They met each other halfway, sharing genuine smiles and a hug for good measure.

“How you doin’, man?”

“Gettin’ out of bed is a bastard, but I’m still kickin’.”

“Damn right, you are.” Russo smiled.

“Oh,” Curtis shot you an inviting smile and waved you over. “Billy Russo, meet Riley Jameson. Ri, this is that hotshot CEO I was tellin’ you about the other week.”

Billy’s brows arched. His suit was immaculate, his hair and beard groomed to perfection, and not for the first time since you started this assignment did you wonder just how someone got that lucky.

There was a spark of recognition in his eyes when Curtis introduced you, but ‘Billy the friend’ quickly slipped back into ‘Billy the CEO’. It was one of the reasons you hated espionage - no one was ever themselves. Everyone had a different face to show each person they knew, and you didn’t have the time or patience to figure out which one was real.

Come to think of it, that was why you hated human interaction in general.

“Well, damn. It is a small world,” Billy said with a smile.

As small as I need it to be, you thought with a smile of your own. Curtis’ gaze darted between you in a mix of curiosity and confusion.

“You two know each other?”

“In passing,” you answered. “It’s nice to see you again, Marine.”

Russo laughed, flashing those pearly whites with a contagious smile.

“Likewise.” His smile died down and he jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “I’m uh, I’m sorry about that, by the way. Couldn’t help but overhear…”

You waved him off.

“It’s no problem, Mr Russo.”

“Billy, please.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips, and there was a sudden intensity in his dark eyes. “Y’know, if you find yourself missing it very often, you’re more than welcome to come by ANVIL and see how things work.”

“Billy,” Curtis warned.

Billy held his hands up in surrender, lips quirking into a bashful smile. “I’m just sayin’. The offer’s always there.”

You cocked a brow. “ANVIL? That’s the security company, right?”

He seemed to perk up at your interest, and you heard Curtis sigh quietly.

“We focus on reintegrating ex-soldiers like yourself back into the world in an environment more suited to their skill set.”

“Sounds like hard work.”

“It can be,” he nodded. “But it’s worth it.”

His lithe fingers plucked a card from the inner pocket of his suit.

“Here, feel free to call or swing by sometime. I could give you a tour of the facility.”

You took the sleek card with a nod.

“Thanks, I might take you up on that.” You smiled and looked to an unusually silent Curtis. He wasn’t quick enough to wipe the frown off his face.

“Well, I should probably head off. I’ll see you next week, Curt.”

“Yeah, of course.” Curtis clapped a hand onto your shoulder. “Thanks again for helping out.”

“No problem. It was nice seeing you, Mr Russo.”

“And you, Miss Jameson.” He smiled politely, the words rolling off his tongue like a purr.

“Riley.” You called out from the doorway, and he responded in kind.

“Billy.”

He watched you disappear for the second time, this time with a satisfied smile. Your first encounter had left him intrigued, and he’d even admit to hoping for a second whenever he went to his little bar after a particularly rough day. It hadn’t happened, and he’d almost forgotten that one night entirely.

“Don’t even think about it, Russo,” Curtis said with an amused shake of his head.

“It’s nothing.”

Curtis rolled his eyes. Billy would have been a lot more convincing if he wasn’t still staring at the doorway. “I’m serious, man. She’d hand you your own ass on a silver platter.”

He turned his stare to Curtis with a devious smirk.

“My kind of girl then?”

Curtis glowered at him, but it only earned him a chuckle.

“I’m just messing with you, man. After all that shit with Madani...” Billy shook his head and ignored the sympathetic look Curtis shot his way. “What’s her story, anyway?”

“Who, Riley? She doesn’t like talking about it.”

Yeah, no kidding, Billy thought. He couldn’t even get a name out of you, and it was clear that Curtis was going to respect that.

“Nothin’ at all?”

“Look, I know that thing with Rawlins hit ANVIL hard. You need new recruits, I get that. But I don’t know about this one, man. You have no idea how hard it is to get a read on that woman. The shit she had to do...something tells me I don’t wanna know about it.”

Billy’s eyes darkened and Curtis should have known that that would be the wrong thing to say.

“Spec Ops?”

He hesitated, and Billy could almost see the conflict play out in his head. The confidentiality between his group pitted against the trust he had in his friends. His friends would always win, and they both knew that. But something else was at play here that Billy didn’t know about.

There was a wariness in his old friend. He didn’t blame Billy for working with Rawlins, he hadn’t known about the man’s role in the death of the Castles, after all. But Billy had always wanted more. As someone who’d grown up with nothing, the prospect of having the best, of earning it and affording it, was something that fueled a lot of his choices.

He wanted ANVIL to thrive and that meant having the best employees. He’d listened when warned about Lewis, but these were desperate times and Curtis worried about his friend’s judgement. Someone like Riley could be a great asset, but she was far too closed off to be entirely trustworthy.

His shoulders slumped and he sighed.

“Keres Squad.”

“No shit?” Billy’s brows arched. They’d all heard the rumours: an elite squad of female snipers. The theory was that they were easier to overlook, and physiologically more suited to the position, but the military never seemed to give that much thought.

Curtis shook his head. “That’s all I’m saying. Just...promise me you’ll be careful.”

A genuine seriousness settled over them both and Billy nodded. “You know I will.”

Between Rawlins and Madani, he had learned a valuable lesson in trust. That was something he wouldn’t be giving away so freely. He was done with those games, the next person that came for him or for his company would be leaving in a body-bag.

“Enough about that, it’s not why I’m here anyway.”

“If you’re offering me a job again, you can forget about that too!”

Billy laughed.

---------

“You rang?”

“Where were you?”

“Getting that therapy you keep telling me I need. Don't worry, he hasn’t found me out yet.”

“Is it done?”

“Of course. You have any news for me?”

“Stark fundraiser in Manhattan next week. I’ll have Vivian make contact. If he goes for it, it’ll give you time to bug the place.”

“Oh, he’ll go for it. He can’t afford not to.”

“Good. Keep me-”

“Updated, yeah. I got it.”

“And, Nine?”

“Yeah?”

“...be careful.”

---------

Not sure how I feel about this one.

TAGS: @its-my-little-dumpster-fire, @sylphene, @ariminiria, @gollyderek

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo fic #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfiction #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction

177 notes · View notes

ilovemyschool · 4 years

Text

Teaching through COVID???

Bless you if you actually make it to the end of this post, lol.

I teach high school science- specifically Chemistry and AP Chemistry. I absolutely love teaching and I love my students. I especially enjoy getting to talk to them about what they want to do when they graduate, where they want to go to college, what kind of jobs they want to do, and all of that fun stuff. Finishing high school is an incredibly exciting time in life for a person, and I feel privileged to get to re-live the excitement and apprehension and hopefulness and all the other feelings that come along with having so many possibilities for your life laid out in front of you. I don’t know any other kind of work that allows you to feel those feelings year after year like I get to through my students. I also try to support them through the hard stuff. I listen when they cry and tell me that they feel alone in a room full of people, I hug them (if they want a hug) when they tell me their mom moved out over the weekend, and I feed them and get them additional support when they tell me they are hungry and don’t have enough to eat. I spend hours on tutoring, grading, and lesson planning outside of my “contract hours.” It never bothered me because I knew I was doing something that mattered to my kids. If you’ve never gotten to see a kid gain self-confidence in their own ability by practicing with you one-on-one- let me just tell you it’s magical. When they know you’ll sit down and work with them again and again when it’s still tough for them, they can see that you believe they’re worth the time and effort, and they start to believe it too. When you get a note from a student about how they never thought they’d be able to understand chemistry so well, but aced a state final exam or got a 4 or 5 on the AP exam, it feels like you’ve done more than teach them your subject- you’ve taught them to believe they can do hard things.

I’m sick to my stomach right now, because I am so torn on whether to go back this year. My students are set to come back in two weeks. There are so many things going through my head and this has been whirling around for the past two weeks, so I’m writing it out. To quit or not to quit. That is my question.

To Quit:

*My district notified parents of the plan just two weeks ago at the same time as the teachers- teachers actually just got a quick email that said something to the effect of “oh hey- check out this stuff we’re sending to parents about next school year.”

*Since they released their plan, I got in to see a doctor. I have an autoimmune condition. It’s not a big deal in general, just a pill everyday, but it does affect my risk- although in the grand scheme of immuno-issues, thankfully mine is on the low end of the COVID risk spectrum.

*The district’s plan is for all students to go back to school 5 days/week, unless they opt for the virtual option. The hours will be shortened so that the district doesn’t have to do a deep clean at the 4 hour mark as would be required if we were in school for the usual 7 hours. Instead, teachers will all teach 4 class periods and also have to teach an online class. If you’ve never taught, teaching online is a whole separate thing, so even if you teach chem both online and in person, it’s likely that most of the time you’ll have to set up your lessons completely differently for the two. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s extra work for sure.

*Teachers are responsible for sanitizing the classrooms between classes, which means we’ll have to pee some other time, although every teacher is teaching all 4 classes, so we won’t have anyone available to cover us? I guess they’ll figure that out?

*According to the FAQ document our principal sent out, if we are told to quarantine or isolate, we have to use our sick days. If we go through our sick days or run out we can apply to the sick day bank. They don’t say it in the FAQ, but once you’ve used up days, they dock your pay.

*However, that might not actually be a problem, because in a virtual staff meeting they held on Friday, the assistant superintendent shared that the health department here is now defining “exposure” as 15 minutes or more within 6 feet of a person who has tested positive without a mask. That means that we could be in the classroom with kids who later test positive for COVID for an hour and neither the teacher nor the parents of the other kids in that class would be notified or asked to isolate because we were all wearing masks and therefore were “not exposed.”

*Since all kids are going back at the same time, thats nearly 1800 kids (minus the ones who signed up to take all their classes virtually). Based on early estimates, less than 20% are going to opt to go online. There are no plans to stagger class changes, which means our hallways will be full- it will not be possible for students to social distance.

*Currently, I have a class with 33 students in one of my face-to-face classes. That’s a fairly big class anyway, but in COVID, they’ll be packed in there. It is not possible to keep that many kids 6 feet apart in my classroom.

*We are relying on parents to do temperature checks every day and keep their child home if their temp is 100.4 or above. If you’ve ever taught, you know that while most parents are responsible with things like this, there are some that will send their child in no matter what because they have to work or (in some very sad situations) want the time to themselves.

*In our state’s official COVID school plans, they outlined “Required,” “Strongly Recommended,” and “Recommended” measures. My district seems to be reading “Strongly Recommended” as “Not Required.” This means that they are okay with us running labs, sharing equipment, and working in close proximity because they think that parents understand that if they’re sending their child to school, that they know their child will be in close proximity to others. They say that parents know that their kids will be 2/bus seat anyway and that they’re going to have to be changing classes in a full hallway. I’m not so sure I agree with that. I think parents are probably very unaware of that because I think it would be reasonable for parents to think that the “Strongly Recommended” guidelines would be implemented. I’m not a parent, but I think that I would assume that? Unfortunately, things like 6 feet of separation, doing on-site temperature checks, and not sharing materials are in the “Strongly Recommended” category, which means the district will “do their best.”

*Our district’s Union President wrote a letter to the board on our behalf regarding the strongly recommended guidelines. The superintendent was dismissive of those concerns, stating that schools in other countries saw negligible spread upon reopening, which is like comparing our shitty COVID apples to European oranges. Shortly after his response, two other board members went on to praise the administration for putting together a “safe” plan and quickly approved it to send on to the department of education. I wish that those board members would come and sit in our classrooms for the first few weeks of school.

*We won’t know which class(es) we’ll be teaching online until the week before (best case scenario), so we can’t prepare very much that is specific to our class until the week before school. We won’t know our final schedule in general until next week. To not know this with only a week and a half to go is insane. My anxiety is in full gear.

*Financially, we could handle it if I don’t work.

Not to Quit:

*I have one student who had me for a science class his freshman year, then requested to take my chemistry class during his sophomore year, and is signed up for AP Chem this year. I don’t want to miss it.

*Lots of my former chem kids are signed up for my AP Chem class this year. I’m newer to the school, but I’ve been really working on growing the AP Chem program. We even had enough students sign up to make 2 sections of AP Chem this year, which hasn’t happened in a long time at this school.

*I don’t want to quit with only 2 weeks before school- granted, they just announced the district plans 2 weeks ago and in that time I’ve had to talk with my husband and family, consult a doctor, and look at our finances and upcoming expenses to gather the information I need to make a decision. However, with only 2 weeks left before kids are in my classroom, it would be extremely tight to hire and have someone in place for those kids. I would hate to leave students in that spot where they might start school with a sub.

*I LOVE my classroom and my lab. I put so much time into organizing and cleaning it out. I decorated it really nice and made it super functional. I would hate to have to move everything out- I doubt I’d ever have a classroom that epic again. All my desks match, too!

*A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. I have a job I really love at a school I like and with kids I like and it’s close to my house. If I resign, they’ll have to hire someone else for my job, and I won’t get it back next year. There is no guarantee that I get hired again next year at another school nearby either. With budget cuts, who knows?

*In a new job, I could be teaching anything in the sciences- I love that I have a specifically chemistry teaching job. Those are rare and hard to come by.

*One of the “Required” measures in the state’s plan is to wear a mask. That’s helpful. All students and staff will have to wear a mask unless they are medically exempt.

*I’m still youngish, especially by COVID risk standards.

*Maybe nothing bad will happen- hopefully it won’t and the year will go relatively smoothly and staff and students will stay healthy and get through unscathed. If that ends up being how it goes, I’d regret resigning and second guess my decision.

*I would feel guilty for calling it quits when so many others don’t have the option and may be at higher risk than me due to age or underlying conditions or taking care of loved ones that are either older or immunocompromised. I know so many teachers who have to work this year because their spouse/partner is unemployed, or they are the sole breadwinner for their family, or they are going to retire soon and need their income to stay high to maximize their social security benefits.

*I don’t know how I’ll take it if I go from teaching full time to being a stay at home wife. I did stay at home for a year when we moved to another state, and it was HARD on me. I developed a bit of a depression, exasperated by some other things that were going on. I got on medication and did some therapy and it eventually resolved, but that SUCKED. I would really miss my students and my fellow teachers and having a clear purpose/mission for my days.

In conclusion...

I’m not generally a hypochondriac or a “Nervous Nelly.” Most stuff rolls off my back fairly easily. This scares me. I get the flu or an upper respiratory thing almost every year. There’s no reason to think that somehow I’ll manage to miss COVID if it comes into our school. I am beyond anxious about teaching in person with so few precautions being taken. I’m also angry that my choices are to resign and lose the job I really want or to go in and feel anxious and angry about the lack of care and respect that teachers and students are being shown by district and building administration for the foreseeable future until COVID is over. I have had a stress knot in my gut for the past two weeks over this stuff, and I highly doubt it’s going away if I decide to stay and teach.

Since the pandemic started I have stayed at my house with few exceptions over the summer. I wear a mask when I go out, I usually use a pick-up option for my groceries, a drive-thru option for my pharmacy, and I just avoid gatherings. We do occasionally see my in-laws and my parents, usually outside and observing social distancing. In my state restaurants can’t fill to more than 50% capacity and movie theaters are just plain closed, but schools are about to open at 100% capacity. I honestly can’t imagine putting myself in an enclosed space with over 30 kids or into a hallway with close to 1800 of them. Even more than that, I can’t imagine not sitting down at a desk next to them to help them or watch them work a problem to see what they’re thinking. I can’t imagine not getting to hug the girl who’s mom left or sit with the boy who doesn’t feel connected with his peers so he comes up to sit with me and do his homework after school. Even if I do teach this year, I worry that my kids won’t get what they need from me- whether that’s homework help or emotional support.

If you are so inclined, please send up a prayer for state leaders, school administrators, teachers/school staff, and students this year. We could all definitely use some wisdom, some grace, and your good vibes.

#teacher #school #back to school #covid #covid19 #covid-19 #tough decisions

8 notes · View notes

frequencies2012 · 4 years

Text

What You Can Do To Renovate Your Home and Make it Stand Out

What is it exactly that sets one home apart from another? Why do some homes radiate such appeal even when located in the same location and of the same basic design as less attractive houses? More important, how can we make our homes stick out above all the other homes in the neighborhood?

This is not an idle concern or one that serves only our pride of ownership. Warmth, appeal, charm, originality, and livability are what individuals want most when they purchase a home. The sad part is that the unfortunate owner who is forced to offer his or her home for less than market value typically puts just as much time, cash, and effort into their home as the successful owner. What then makes the distinction? For while the difference in between houses is obvious, how they got that way is not. Obviously, it is appealing to say that some people simply have a flare for creative and helpful design-- a gift.

However, what these clever artists of their living environment truly share is a method to look at the issues most houses have and see how these issues could be solved. This is the single most important ability anybody interested in purchasing a home must have. Because most of the houses put up for sale exist because the owners have found fault with them and wish to leave. Exceptional houses seldom come on the marketplace and when they do they are gotten for top dollar-- frequently much in excess of the intrinsic worth of your home based upon the quantifiable aspects such as square video footage, variety of rooms, place, and so on. Basically: grace and beauty sells. Here then are 5 ways to conceive of any house in terms that do not need a heavenly gift from above to transform it into a home of lasting beauty and wide appeal.

1. Assess the size and placement of rooms in relationship to each other.

What is each room's function? Is it a private space or one where family and friends will collect? How well will each space function in terms of your household and your requirements? There is no ideal answer here. Some individuals choose houses with numerous smaller sized spaces while others prefer big open spaces. In addition, the relationship in between room sizes is necessary. Big living spaces and little bedrooms, for example, resonate inadequately with many people's sense of percentage. If a space or location fails to meet our needs walls can be included or deducted. Extra living locations can be produced in suitable basement locations and even by raising the roof to add another story.

Nevertheless, there are limits regarding cost and usefulness regarding how an offered layout may effectively be rearranged. Bearing walls (those that support structures like roofs and floors) are tough and typically pricey to get rid of or relocate. Many non-bearing walls include pipes and other mechanical elements that must be thought about. While walls can be "bumped out" to include more area to spaces, considerations such as set-back and the place of underground structures must be factored in. Finally, though existing rooms can quickly be evaluated functionally, how modifications made to these exact same rooms will impact the house's sense of proportion is not always apparent. This is where an architectural designer is vital. In the preliminary examination and preparation phases a sketch might be all that is required to figure out the feasibility of a job. Style packages are readily available with standard sized furnishings to give an approximate idea how the space will work after a layout alteration.

2. Pay close attention to traffic circulation.

This essential element of any fine house is typically neglected. Well, not a lot ignored as misconstrued. The most effective method to evaluate a floor plan for traffic flow is to begin at the entryway. This is not always the front door but rather the entrance where family and friends get here. Is this entrance welcoming? Is the entryway triggered from the remainder of the space it opens on? Benches, plants, and book racks add appeal. Windows and side-lights bring light and heat into the area. Decorations state 'welcome'. Now walk through the house. Is the quickest path for family and friends to their destination through the center of primary living areas? Can this be altered by furnishings placement or structural modifications and additions so that a circular course is produced around the specifications of primary rooms? On the other hand, a layout that is more like a labyrinth-- particularly if one private room such as a bedroom should be reached from another personal room-- creates a sense of disharmony and improperly used area. Extraneous hallways and other transition areas provide little return for the area they consume.

3. Let there be light!

Nothing enhances the ambiance of a house more than natural light. Main spaces benefit from multiple exposures by bringing in light in from various instructions throughout the course of the day. Kitchens and breakfast spaces benefit from morning light, living and dining rooms from afternoon and evening light. Windows can be added or bigger. Even spaces where additional windows cannot be included can get sunshine from light tubes piped from the exterior. Windows can be scheduled passive solar cooling and heating. Roof overhangs, awning, and deep-set window openings, besides adding a sense of shelter and defense, can restrict the quantity of solar radiation in the summertime and increase it in the winter season. Plants can also be set up to shade the window and flood the window with light and solar heat in the months when the leaves have fallen. Energy conserving window treatments can be employed to keep heat in while cheering up the interior of the home during the night. In the warm seasons these exact same window treatments can lower air-conditioning expenses.

4. Harmonize the house with the place.

How does your house associate with its surroundings? What is the view from each window? What is the noise level? How can privacy be maintained? Can these components be improved by getting rid of or adding fencing or landscape aspects? Exists a nice view where there is no window? Could one be included? What about entryway and egress to the outside areas of a house? Sparse exits and entrances can make a house feel restricted, caught. Consider the private garden. Exists an area-- perhaps at the side of your house adjacent to the bedroom-- that could be developed into a private garden or retreat? If a garden space is not readily available, a personal deck or balcony could be contributed to open a room to the outdoors.

The front porch too is an often overlooked active ingredient in the general appeal of a house. Porches are an excellent method to add architectural appeal that both assimilates a house to its surroundings and sets it apart from others. Consider transforming a deck into a three-season space with the addition of screens and glazing. Nevertheless, converting a patio into a totally heated room may trigger a problem with the structure if it was not planned as such. Solar spaces are likewise in demand, though frequently located in more personal areas. Large glass doors open the house to the exterior. Walls can be made of glass or glass brick. Bay windows, gazebos, covered pathways, patios, walled gardens and yards, breezeways, and trellises, include massive appeal.

Above all, mix the outdoors with the interior in a smooth streaming way that does not need a separate effort to use. Areas that are a bother to get to are rarely used to their complete potential.

Decks must be thought of in the same way as any space addition. How will it be used? How will it be approached? Is it in a naturally occurring spot where individuals naturally gather? Can the usefulness of a deck be improved by covering it? How about screens? Or are there other areas of the house that already satisfy the requirements of inclement or buggy days?

5. Incorporate material and finishes as an essential element of the overall style.

A house on an open lot might use the sun and sky to shower rooms in light while offering cool shade in others. Textures and color offer a house character when in keeping with the style and energy of the home we create. Even the raw structure components of a house such as rafters, beams and brick can be mixed into the house to create a sense of permanence and strength.

Your house will be a continuous source of pride and enjoyment if you own it.

1 note · View note

hlr-recs · 4 years

Text

What is it precisely that sets one home apart from another? Why do some houses radiate such appeal even when located in the exact same area and of the exact same basic design as less appealing homes? More important, how can we make our homes stick out above all the other houses in the neighborhood?

This is not an idle question or one that serves just our pride of ownership. Warmth, beauty, charm, originality, and livability are what individuals desire most when they purchase a home. Besides the everyday enjoyment of an attractive and functional living environment, an attractive home can easily return a 25% to 30% increased revenue over comparable homes of the very same standard design, size, setup, and place. As a 35 year veteran of the real estate occupation, I have seen time and time again where design and grace amount to the maximum return on an owner's real estate financial investment while bad taste and planning amounts to disappointment and aggravation. The unfortunate part is that the unfortunate owner who is forced to sell his/her home for less than market price normally puts just as much time, cash, and effort into their home as the effective owner. What then makes the distinction? For while the distinction in between houses is apparent, how they got that way is not. Obviously, it is tempting to state that some individuals simply have a flare for creative and beneficial style-- a present.

What these smart artists of their living environment have in common is a way to look at the problems most homes have and see how these issues might be fixed. Exceptional houses seldom come on the market and when they do they are snapped up for leading dollar-- often much in excess of the intrinsic worth of the house based on the measurable components such as square video, number of rooms, area, and so on. Here then are five methods to develop of any house in terms that do not require a heavenly present from above to change it into a house of lasting appeal and broad appeal.

Evaluate the size and positioning of rooms in relationship to each other.

Type follows function. What is each space's function? Is it a private area or one where family and friends will collect? How well will each room function in terms of your family and your requirements? There is no ideal response here. Some people prefer houses with many smaller rooms while others choose big open spaces. In addition, the relationship between room sizes is important. Big home and small bedrooms, for example, resonate poorly with many people's sense of proportion. If a space or area stops working to fulfill our needs walls can be added or deducted. Extra living areas can be developed in appropriate basement areas and even by raising the roof to add another story.

While walls can be "bumped out" to include more space to rooms, considerations such as set-back and the area of underground structures should be factored in. Though existing spaces can quickly be evaluated functionally, how changes made to these very same spaces will affect the house's sense of percentage is not constantly obvious. Style kits are available with basic sized furnishings to give an approximate idea how the room will operate after a flooring strategy changes.

Pay close attention to traffic circulation.

This essential element of any fine home is frequently ignored. Well, not so much neglected as misinterpreted. The most reliable way to evaluate a floor plan for traffic flow is to start at the entrance. This is not necessarily the front door but rather the entrance where family and friends get here. Is this entrance inviting? Is there a covered place to stand outside? Is the entryway set off from the rest of the space it opens on? Benches, plants, and bookshelves include appeal. Windows and side-lights bring light and warmth into the area. Decorations say 'welcome'. Now walk through the house. Is the quickest path for loved ones to their location through the center of main living areas? Can this be changed by furnishings positioning or structural alterations and additions so that a circular course is developed around the specifications of primary rooms? On the other hand, a floor plan that is more like a labyrinth-- particularly if one personal room such as a bedroom should be reached from another private room-- creates a sense of disharmony and inadequately utilized area. Extraneous hallways and other shift areas provide little return for the area they take in.

Let there be light!

Absolutely nothing enhances the ambiance of a home more than natural light. Main rooms gain from multiple exposures by generating light in from different instructions during the day. Cooking areas and breakfast rooms take advantage of early morning light, living and dining rooms from afternoon and night light. Windows can be included or bigger. Even spaces where extra windows cannot be added can get sunlight from light tubes piped from the exterior. Windows can be scheduled passive solar heating & cooling. Roofing overhangs, awning, and deep-set window openings, besides including a sense of shelter and security, can restrict the quantity of solar radiation in the summer and increase it in the winter. Vegetation can likewise be arranged to shade the window and flood the window with light and solar warmth in the months when the leaves have fallen. Energy saving window treatments can be utilized to keep heat in while brightening up the interior of the home at night. In the warm seasons these same window treatments can reduce air-conditioning expenses.

Harmonize your home with the location.

What about entryway and egress to the outside areas of a house? Sporadic exits and entryways can make a house feel restricted, trapped. If a garden area is not readily available, a personal deck or balcony could be included to open a space to the outdoors.

The front porch too is an often ignored ingredient in the overall appeal of a home. Patios are an excellent method to include architectural appeal that both absorbs a home to its environments and sets it apart from others. Large glass doors open the home to the exterior.

Above all, mix the outdoors with the interior in a seamless streaming way that does not need a different effort to utilize. Areas that are a trouble to get to are rarely used to their full potential.

Decks must be thought of in the same way as any space addition. How will it be used? Or are there other areas of the home that currently meet the requirements of inclement or buggy days?

Integrate material and finishes as an essential element of the general style.

A home on an open lot might utilize the sun and sky to bathe spaces in light while providing cool shade in others. Textures and color provide a house character when in keeping with the style and energy of the home we develop. Even the raw structure aspects of a home such as rafters, beams and brick can be blended into the home to develop a sense of permanence and strength.

These five are the primary areas to focus on when making living area choices. They are everything about function and type. Their vital value is as old as civilization itself. Aristotle spoke of the 4 Causes of things that produce type and function as truth and beauty:

Material: That out of which something is made.

Maker: The methods by which something is made, who made it.

Outcome: That which is made, the thing itself.

Function: What it is made for.

A bit abstract, perhaps, however if you think of the aspects of a home in these terms a worth can be perceived and valued. Now all that stays is to figure out if a specific house can be customized to improve its important beauty and utility at an expense most likely to be recouped at sale. In the meantime, your home will be a consistent source of pride and satisfaction if you own it.

1 note · View note

grimweaver · 5 years

Link

~*~

I jumped and whirled around, gripping the cloth over my chest— if my heart had leapt any higher into my throat, I would’ve been choking on it. Out from the shadows of a column, in the dimly lit hallway, stepped M’raaj-Dar, with his ears folded back and his teeth bared— the only way he had ever greeted me since the very first day I entered the Cheydinhal Sanctuary. I took a deep breath and whistled it out, pushing the anger back down before my face betrayed it.

“M-M’raaj! You scared me half to death!” I gasped in a quivering whisper, forcing a smile on my face. “Sorry for worrying you, but I—”

“I wasn’t worried. I don’t geeve a sliver of a damn about you. I’m furious because Farwil was een such a panic over losing you een town dat he conseedered have us all sent out to comb da city for you. T’ankfully, he passed out before making up hees mind and officially giving da order.”

“Yes, Farwil can be rather infuriating at times. Sorry that he gave you so much trouble.”

“Hee’s not da one dat I’m infuriated wit’. Eet ees you!”

“Why? Didn’t Ocheeva tell you the reason I had to run off?”

“She told me what you told her… but eet’s not de truth .”

Anger returned again and boiled in my stomach, and repressing it caused my whole body to shake. As if the test of will was not challenged enough by the way he spoke to me in such a condescending and hostile way, it must bear the pressure of his audacity to make accusations without proof to back them up! But I kept my outward calm and, going against my compass of comfort, stepped closer to ask him: “You think I lied to her?”

“I know dat you deed! Do you know what da penalty is for lying to your superiors, especially when de Family is inconvenienced or put in serious peril because of eet?? First teeng in da morning, when Ocheeva ees awake, I weell report you to her.”

I swallowed the hard lump of enraged screams and profanities, took another deep breath, and calmly replied, “The penalty for a false accusation is even greater, M’raaj, so I suggest you present to Ocheeva solid evidence of this transgression. Exactly what makes you so sure that I’ve lied to her?”

“What you just presented; Dose clothes dat yer wearing, and de scents dat you carry een wit you— eet tells me dat whatever business you had was not official.” He leaned in close as he sniffed the air again. I’d never been so close to punching someone in the face without actually doing it—the only thing holding me back was the ever present fear of repercussion, thinking back on Lucien confronting me about my careless choice of words for the Listener’s wisdom, which should apply to any inclination towards a costly action as well: “Please... you've come so far... don't throw it all away…” I clenched my firsts and stood still as a statue, fighting with all the strength I had to not even echo his look of revulsion. I had to be a good Sister, no matter what.

M’raaj’s lion-like eyes widened. “Hmm… but… eet ees true dat you were weeth Lucien,” he snarled.

“And that should tell you to bring this interrogation to an end.” Though I remained calm, the way the words came out sounded like I was returning his hostility. Even if I was successful at maintaining outward peace, I knew it wasn’t going to take much more for me to lose the battle and do something regrettable, so I brought the tense conversation to an abrupt end. “You know that this is a bad place to discuss business matters, so you must forgive me for denying you an explanation. But you won’t be left in the dark for long— it will all make sense when LaChance presents the strategy tomorrow morning. Please, be at peace and go back to sleep.”

And with that I turned around, not even giving a curious glance over my shoulder to see his reaction, and marched into the women’s quarters with hope that sleep will come and whisk me away swiftly.

~*~

Unfortunately, for what seemed like half the night, I wrestled unsuccessfully with a large array of thoughts and feelings that had stirred since the meeting with our Speaker; the plan of entry and attack that was soon to be set in motion, unloading the burden of a long-kept secret upon LaChance, the ever increasing and transparently mutual desire between the Speaker and I, the agony over being forbidden to gratify it, and the dread for all the potential damage M’raaj-Dar might cause with his undoubted suspicion of fraternization.

But surely he would not report his suspicion to the Listener , I thought. Because it would mean throwing LaChance under the wagon too . He has profound respect and admiration for him. For that reason, he wouldn’t. But doubt argued, Still, he could twist details in the story to spare LaChance any suffering and have it all concentrated on me.

What M’raaj decided to do with what he learned was a wheel set motion that I didn’t have the power to stop. Desperately clinging to hope, I began the first sincere prayer to the powers of the Void, pouring upon them all the frustration of his unjust hatred of me and worries of all it threatens to steal from a life that was just starting to feel worth living. No sooner than a few seconds into that prayer, a pleasantly cool gust of wind swept over me— its sound having the faintest feminine whisper of something sweet and assuring, and the feel of a hand made of a silky vapor brushing over my forehead. This experience should’ve frightened me, but it didn’t. I felt nothing but peace, and I was at last united with restful sleep.

However, when I woke up the next morning and remembered everything that happened, the peace was gone and the mood I was in was only slightly better than it was when M’raaj-Dar confronted and threatened me.

I looked over at Ocheeva’s bed. It was empty. She was already up and out of the sleeping quarters— perhaps, I figured, waiting for me to do the same so that she could set me aside somewhere to talk to me privately about what M’raaj reported. I swallowed hard and worked up the courage to just get it all over with. Staying in bed and avoiding her was not going to help the matter or my anxious conscience.

As soon as I made myself decent, I walked uneasily out of the sleeping quarters and into the dining quarters, where all of us were expected to gather at 9:00 am. There was someone there waiting for me alright, but it wasn’t Ocheeva. It was Vicente, sitting by himself and enjoying one of his rare opportunities to bask in the rays of the fresh, gold-hued sunshine. But he had no will to endanger himself unnecessarily by stepping out into the street, knowing that every minute of his exposure to daylight gives his death the opportunity to take him when a tragic event strips him of the protection of his enchanted robe.

((CONTINUED))

#Elder Scrolls Stories #lucien lachance #tes oblivion #The Elder Scrolls #the dark brotherhood

5 notes · View notes

raisingsupergirl · 4 years

Text

My Supernatural Courage, pt. 1

*Author’s Note: Since writing this, I’ve had a thought, and I’m mulling it over. It might change my stance on things. It might not. Regardless, proceed, dear reader, to better understand where I’m coming from and where I may end up.*

I've been nervous a lot lately. I think everyone has. Not scared. Just nervous—uncertain. I've been nervous about the corona virus. I've been nervous about maintaining my hours at work. I've been nervous because I overcommit. I've been nervous because this past weekend I had to give a speech in front of my freemason brothers and had to play music in front of my church family. And, most of all, I've been nervous about the widespread civil unrest. But the weird thing is, even though national tensions seem to be on the rise, I'm finally starting to achieve some inner peace. Not because I've reached some sort of new normal or because I've given up in some way, but because my frayed nerves weren't actually about the civil unrest at all. They were about my own inner battle. And it took a bunch of local hillbillies to finally set my mind at ease.

If you've followed with me for long, you know that I stay pretty busy. A few weeks ago, I posted about how I didn't have time to truly commit to the conversation regarding ALM vs BLM. The week after that, I posted about not being ready to die because I still have "stuff to do." Well, even though I knew this past week would be crazy busy, I had one request for Father's Day weekend—I wanted to do nothing. And nothing is what I did. My family spent Saturday at the waterpark, nothing but fun and sun. And then we went out to my mom's for dinner on Sunday. That's it. No blogging. No editing. No mowing the grass. Nothin'. And it was amazing, not just because I needed a breath, but because I needed a moment to think. Creatives know that it's essential to recharge every so often. And after I took Father's Day weekend off, I had newfound clarity on, well, a lot of things.

Like I said, the following week came with its own stresses. Not only did I have a ton of editing to do along with practicing songs for the upcoming weekend's church worship team, but that Thursday night, I was to be installed as my masonic lodge's master for the upcoming year. It's been five years in the making—five years of growth, learning, mistakes, and patience. I've learned so much about what it means to be a man in that time. The core masonic principles are brotherly love, relief, and truth, and it's principle duties are to be, "diligent, prudent, temperate, and discreet." And as I said in my speech last Thursday night, masonry is a confirmation of the men we've always been and a reminder of the men we want to be. It doesn't forge us, but it does sharpen us. And as I dwelt on those principles the week leading up to our officer installation, an inner peace settled over me. But, unfortunately, as I said before, it took a bit of a slap in the face by a really ugly counter protest in a nearby town to get me there.

Growing up and living in central Missouri, you'd think I would be used to racism. And I guess I am, but only in the, "Oh, look, a black guy. How about that?" sort of way, which I guess isn't really racism, but I'm also not surprised when I see someone raise an eyebrow at an interracial couple (I also won't deny that I've heard plenty of racist jokes in my day, but I'm not going to get into the nuances of political correctness, Mel Brooks, and South Park). Again, I've always seen it as lack of exposure more than actual racism, and while I've known there were hardcore racists living amongst us, I guess it's just been an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. But those blinders were ripped off this last week.

There was a BLM rally in a town about thirty minutes from my house. And, as you'd expect, there were plenty of people who showed up with "White Lives Matter" and "Blue Lives Matter" posters. Which is fine. As I said last week, we live in a free country, and our diverse viewpoints make up the spirit of this huge country. But this rally was pretty awful. First, there were local storeowners standing on their roofs with rifles, looking down on the protestors. I guess I get it. Protect your house, and all that. But, geez, was it really necessary to have your weapons shouldered and at the ready. And, obviously, that increased tensions, leading the BLM and ALM folks to move from "peaceful" to a little more verbally aggressive. And that, unfortunately, led a few of the more, ehem, outspoken anti-protestors to (and I almost hesitate to say it) act like monkeys and pantomime lynchings.

I've seen the pictures. I've heard the reports. The BLM protestors weren't innocent. They threw out racial slurs and accusations. But they didn't resort the that level of debased scum. And I don’t use that phrase lightly. Thinking about it makes me want to spit. Or punch someone. It's no different than making sexual jokes to someone who was molested as a child.

It's easy to write that horrible display off as a small, idiotic percentage of the community. It's easy to sigh and move on, remembering that most people aren't that way. But… some people are! They exist in my community! And those people infect the rest of us. The more they talk, the more they normalize actual (even if it's subtle) racism. Thankfully, their public actions have called them out. They've done much more harm to their cause than good. And that event was at catalyst for me. Well, that and one other.

This next turning point was a small one. It was a simple comment by a black lady. She responded to an "ALM" Facebook post. It was simple and humble. "Everyone already knows that all lives matter but everyone don't agree that black lives matter and if it is never said then we will never matter. So because I say black lives matter it's because I wanna be just as important as you would be to the world…"

Yes, I already knew this obvious truth. Yes, I'd heard it a hundred times. But the way she said it, the fact that it came from her, and the timing of it in my life just made things click. BLM isn't just a social movement with an agenda (which I tend to tie together with human imperfection, various other motives, and some of the rioting). It’s a statement. And it's a simple statement, at that. It doesn't have to be political or loaded. "Black lives matter," I said with a smile and a nod as I waited for her to cross the street. Just imagining that scenario makes me happy. Is it wrong to open a door for a woman, wave a tattooed biker on in front of us at a stoplight, or pay for the meal of someone richer or poorer than us? No. Such acts don't relinquish any of our own self-worth or threaten our futures. They're simple, humane kindnesses that make the world a better place. They're acknowledgements that we are a diverse world, and it's neat to remind specific peoples that they are important, not just to us, but to the Most Holy Lord God.

Oops. I'm sure I lost some of you just now. And that's okay, but stick with me. I'm a Christian, through and through. Christ is a part of my everyday life, and one thing that I've reminded myself of for a long time is that every person I meet is a unique child of God. Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan, and Freemasonry reminds us by proclaiming, "Every human being has a claim on your kind offices. Do good unto all." And even though it took me a while to get here, I've found peace in those sentiments. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. And I'm not afraid in the slightest about the future.

When I hear about rioters pushing down statues, I'm reminded of Jesus overturning the moneychangers' tables in the temples. There are plenty of excuses to maintain the status quo, but none of them are really good ones. What are you afraid of? Losing our history? Really? I can still find MySpace comments I made fifteen years ago, and my mom still has pictures of me naked in the bathtub. We're not talking about destroying someone's personal property or threatening their lives (or livelihood). We're talking about a symbolic act of desperation. Was it smart? Or right? Or productive? Who knows, but it's nothing to freak out about!

White people, what are you afraid of? Seriously. Are you afraid that black people will enslave you? Are you afraid of economic collapse? Are your guns going to be taken from you? Your jobs? Your freedom of speech? I mean, c'mon. Even if all of those things did happen (which they won't), who cares!? … Okay, wait. I get it. Slaves care. I'm sure it sucks. But you know how black slaves survived in early American history? They relied on God! Remember the Jews? Christianity was literally born out of a nation of slaves! Oppression is woven into the story of humanity, start to finish. We're a broken world. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven. The first shall become last, and the last shall become first. Are any of these ringing a bell?

Okay, sorry. I got a little worked up there. But I can't help it. Everyone is so afraid of losing stuff, and nobody is taking five seconds to ask why. Why, truly, are you alive? What are you trying to do? Okay, yes, I get the compulsion to protect your family and future generations. It's biological (which doesn't make it any less important). It's engrained within our race's perpetuation. But we are one race, and I’m sorry, but your family isn't the pinnacle of genetic, moral, and intellectual perfection for the human race. Your kid may have won the spelling bee, but he's not going to cure cancer.

So, ease up a little bit. Let the rest of the world have a little space. Do I agree with everything the BLM movement has been associated with? Of course not. And I never will, because there are a lot of people who hitch themselves to bandwagons, regardless of their own, personal motives. If rioters make the USA into Mad Max, well, then you'll finally be able to tell your wife, "I told you so" about all of the guns and ammo you've been buying over the years. If one truly evil civil rights activist rises up and turns us into a nation of white slaves, well, I guess we'll just have to focus in a little more on being kind to our neighbor, looking to the afterlife, and trusting in God to reward us for obeying his commandments. But more than likely, all of the extremists on both sides will be cut off from the herd, and the rest of us will (eventually) live in a slightly different-looking America than what it has been for the past couple centuries. That's the funny thing about time—the present eventually becomes history. We don't continue to live in it, and we don't forget it. We accept it, learn from it, and move on. Simple enough.

In the end, it's your choice. I've probably offended just about everyone with this post (but as usual, I did it in a super nice way, so good luck calling me out, jerk). But this has been my journey to peace with the situation. My family will live on. My nation will live on. Maybe we'll be blessed with earthly comfort, or maybe we'll be sharpened by trials and tribulations. But eternity waits for me, and while I still walk this earth, I'll have no problem praising and building up specific people and specific groups. Why? Because differences are what make people awesome, and I'm not afraid to remind them of it.

#equality #peace #finding peace #blm #alm #christianity #inner peace #civil unrest #protest

1 note · View note

orderoftheavengers · 5 years

Photo

Infinity Wand

Summary: I recognize that "Endgame" is now a movie. But given that it's a stupid-ass one, I'm electing to re-write it.

Ashes to Ashes, a new Dark Lord

The Avengers' final school year ends on a low note, with Thanos turning half of the world's population to ash with a flick of his Infinity Wand. Not only are half of all living things now gone, but Thanos has evened out the number of Muggles, Wizards and non-Human Beings in the universe, leading to the loss of almost the entire Muggle population.

Thanos now rules the planet with his Infinity Wand. Muggles were exposed to the magical world overnight, in the most horrifying way possible. Imagine preparing for a zombie apocalypse our whole life, only to suddenly instead see half your family crumble to ash, followed by a grape giant declaring himself your new Dark Lord.

All wizard schools are taken over by Thanos's minions, with a not-quite-dead Professor Squidward named the new Headmaster of Hogwarts. All the surviving students and Avengers must pretend to obey the slimy new Headmaster, and plan their continued fights in secret.

No Trust, Liar

Tony Stark and Nebula are left stranded in the ruins of Salazar Slytherin's palace, with no transportation. (Milano, the dragon that the Guardians of the Realm's house sits on the back of, was disintegrated by Thanos.) The two Slytherins develop a strong bond, and adopt each other. Tony teaches Nebula the Muggle sport of paper football, and Nebula drapes blankets over Tony after he's passed out. Just before they die of starvation and exposure, an unusually powerful vampire appears out of nowhere, hauls them each up in one arm, and flies them back to Hogwarts.

A tearful reunion follows in the Avengers' tower. Tony then lets out two years worth of rage at Steve Rogers, before collapsing to the floor and being taken to the Hospital Wing, where Bruce has to give him a literal sedative. That's when

Pepper lashes out at Steve for lying to Tony about his parents, and everything during the drunken Quidditch brawl. Rhodey tries to pacify her; as a military student himself, he guessed early on the real reason for Steve's lie, hence why he was so forgiving when they reunited during the Infinity War.

Steve then goes to the Hospital Wing, where Tony is still seemingly out cold. Steve finally pours out a real apology, warts and all, no excuses, with real emotion and tears. Mad-Eye Fury ordered Nat and Steve to stay quiet about Tony's parents, because Nick, like Stephanigus Strange , deduced that Tony was one of the world's most important defences against Thanos, and didn't want Earth's best defender getting sidetracked and killed on a quest for revenge. Steve never let Fury's orders stop him from doing what he wanted, and he admits now that the only thing stopping him from telling Tony was that he was a coward and he was selfish. He was afraid of Tony going after Bucky, or simply refusing to loan Steve his resources to look for him. He didn't write Tony a real apology after the "Civil War" because Steve has spent the last seven years shielding himself with corny cliches and heroic trappings. Tony wakes up while Steve is starting to cry, and states plainly that he doesn't think he'll ever be capable of forgiving him.

His rage returning, Tony adds, "Nice of you to finally give a real apology after two years though. Only took all your favorite friends dying." Rolling over he repeats, "No trust. Liar."

Last Hope, Crushed

For a brief moment, the Avengers think they had a chance to undo the Dusting Curse.

"Get Time Turners from the Ministry of Magic!" Nat says. "Use them to get our own set of Infinity Stones, fight Thanos, and bring everyone back!"

Since Hermione Granger was among the Dusted, she can't loan them her own Time Turner. But the Order of the Avengers, and their new allies, are able to break into the now Thanos-controlled Ministry....only to find that Thanos has destroyed all of the Time Turners, to prevent exactly what they were trying to do. Conveniently, everyone who knew how to make a Time Turner has been Dusted. And on top of that, he's also Dusted the Avengers' and Guardians' resident telepaths ("completely random" my ass).

Bruce screams at the purple bastard, "Why the hell didn't you just use the Time Turners, or the Time Stone, or all the stones, to make more resources, instead of killing trillions?!" just before Nat drags him out the window by the tail during their escape.

Worst Summer Ever

This following summer break is the worst the Order of the Avengers have ever had.

When the Dusting spell was cast, Clint Barton is at the family cottage with his younger brothers and sisters. His oldest sister is preparing a picnic, while Clint teaches his youngest sister an arrow spell. Having accepted his expulsion from Hogwarts following the UnCivil Quidditch Brawl, Clint is taking the rest of the school year off, and considering his job options. Then, suddenly, all of his younger siblings are ash. This breaks the Hufflepuff, who promised their parents before they died that he'd protect his little brothers and sisters. Clint drops his Hawkeye moniker and becomes Ronin the Barbarian. Outraged by the injustice of the Dusting Spell, Clint hunts down evil people, wizard and Muggle alike, with the Sword of Helga Hufflepuff.

Bruce Banner undergoes the most obvious change. After weeks of being unable to come out, the Wolf finally returns full force, after seeing half his friends Dusted. It takes Thor, Carol and Nebula to subdue the Wolf. Since both Wanda and Mantis are now dust, only traditional magical science can help the giant green werewolf. Tony teams up with Princess Shrui--who was not dusted--to help solve Bruce's dilemma. With the help of all his friends, Bruce slowly makes peace with "the furry guy," as both are now in 100% agreement in their fury and devastation. Bruce then undergoes a new transformation, becoming a humanoid, rationally-thinking werewolf. He takes on the name "Professor Wolf," and gains some new fangirls amongst the surviving Muggle population (mainly the Muggles who frequent DeviantArt and Fur Affinity).

For Tony and Pepper, there is a tiny grain of happiness, encompassed by more fear, when Pepper discovers she is pregnant. They plan to name the child after her eccentric, possibly-magical uncle Morgan. Tony gets them a cottage by a lake, near Bill and Fleur's place, walled off with protective spells. But everyone still lives in terror of Thanos. Tony's Slytherin will is temporarily snuffed out, save his determination to keep Pepper and the baby safe.

Steve Rogers, who during the Infinity War proved to have recovered from his out-of-character antics during the drunken Quidditch Civil War, is devastated by all the loss, especially Bucky crumbling to dust right before him. Steve often looks at his compass, inside of which he has stuck Peggy Carter's wizard card, not because he is abruptly obsessing over an old flame, but because he's wondering what someone he admired would be telling him to do now. He decides to start leading therapy groups, like Sam did. Steve occasionally goes on tangents about his own comparatively minor troubles, but this is a quirk the world has simply come to accept from the Gryffindor.

Thor is arguably in the worst position. His entire family has died one by one, plus the wise family owl Heimdall, and the mountain region of Asgard has been destroyed, along with three forths of the Asgardian population (first half were slaughtered by Thanos's army, and then half of the surviving half were Dusted). Since Hogsmede now has some extra space, the surviving Asgardians are able to get a new neighborhood there. Thor spends most of his time in his apartment above the Three Broomsticks, playing Muggle video games with his friends, and spiraling into alcoholism and overeating.

Natasha Romanoff locks herself up in the Ravenclaw tower and becomes a workaholic, obsessively monitoring the surviving populations around the world, and organizing remaining vigilantes still fighting to protect the innocent from Thanos. The only thing she does for herself is Metamorph her hair into a cool ombre sunset motif.

Carol Danvers isn't around much. "There are a lot of intelligent species in the magic world, and most of them don't have an Order of the Avengers." She keeps in touch with Natasha via the Floo Network, though. But Mad-Eye Fury didn't contact Carol for nothing. What makes her so special? Her connections. Nick knew Carol had a whole Realm of species to protect, and promised to only bother her with (living) humans if something that directly and immediately threatened all populations came up. Carol is now flying around the planet, rallying Vampires and other Beings in the effort to defy Thanos. She also gets a rather boss haircut.

Nebula plots her revenge on Thanos, while also checking on Tony and Pepper. When the time comes, Nebula is even in the delivery room.

Scott Lang is still trapped in the Spirit Realm, and thought to be among the Dusted....

The Ant-Nimagus Returns!

At the end of his last adventure, Scott Lang entered the Spirit Realm to collect ectoplasm (basically ghost-sh!t) to help his new ghostly friend, Ava Starr. Unfortunately the entire Pym/Van Dyne family was dusted, along with Ava, and Scott was left stranded in Limbo for the entire summer....

Then, just as the leaves were beginning to change, one of the Weasley family rats (Scabbers XIV) chews away at the magic veil Scott vanished behind, and finally opened up a portal wide enough for Scott to escape. Scott is confused and horrified when he stumbles onto the street and finds trees covered in Missing posters, accompanied by Ordinances signed by "the Dark Lord Thanos." And Muggle news sources talking about magic?!

Rushing to his ex's house, Scott is both relieved and frightened to be greeted by his now teenage daughter.

After the tearful reunion, Scott asks, "How many years was I gone Cassie? It felt like three hours."

"It was three months Dad," Casseopia Lang replies. "I had another fay growth spurt in that time."

(Cassie Lang is part nymph, and ages more quickly than her peers.)

"Wow, we're like, almost the same age now. This is awkward."

"Mom and Jim are dust."

"And depressing."

Scott finds his way to Steve and Nat, who are flabbergasted but overjoyed to find him alive. Scott is crushed to learn that all three of his crime-buddies are now piles of ash in the Slytherin common-room. Scott arranges the three piles into neat circles, into which he draws crude emote faces to represent how he best remembers each of them.

Scott is able to bring something to the table that even Carol Danvers lacks; knowledge of the Spirit Realm, which exists outside the Spacetime Continuum, and thus can be used for Time Travel. In fact, it turns out that this Realm was regularly used by the Ministry in the Manufacturing of Time Turners...

Lab Gang Learning about this new hope, Tony is at first apprehensive. By now, more months have passed, and Pepper has given birth to a baby girl. Tony doesn't want to lose Morgan or Pepper, or endanger more lives, in an attempt to defy Thanos. But a glance at a wizard-photo of him goofing off with his little Ravenclaw has him change his mind. Tony flies back to the Avengers' tower at Hogwarts, and tells Steve he's done letting resentment eat away at him, and presents Steve with a new shield. Since Steve has already given a full, satisfying, heartfelt apology and explanation, that the audience saw every detail of and didn't have to head-canon up for themselves, Tony's forgiveness makes perfect sense and has the exact emotional impact its writers intend for it to (breaks keyboard while typing). Now, the smartest wizards have to figure out how to use the Spirit Realm for time travel. Deep in Snape's old Potions dungeon, Tony, Bruce, Rocket, and Shuri--who was not Dusted!--all get together to brainstorm. The four geniuses exchange ingenuity and banter, and it is brilliant. Rocket, a niffler, is enamored with Tony’s chest amulet, and steals it, causing some health problems for Tony. This angers Professor Wolf, who chases the niffler/raccoon hybrid around the lab until he catches him and makes him into a violent chew toy. Shuri snags Rocket from the Wolf, and the amulet from Rocket. Struck with inspiration, the Wakandan princess makes some adjustments to the amulet, to Tony’s embarrassment and begrudging awe. This leads to a “eureka!” moment for the four of them, in regards to the Time Travel problem, and they finally get it solved. Meanwhile, Nat, using her metemorphmagus spy skills, finally tracks Clint Barton down in Japan, where he is slaying evil Vampires with the Sword of Hufflepuff (an opal-encrusted katana). He apparently also used the sword to try cutting his hair, hence his disastrous new do. Nat tells Clint they may have a way to bring his family back, and possibly even fix his hair. With this new glimmer of hope, Clint returns to Hogwarts.

Time Heist! Tony and Scott first attempt to use their combined Slythrin cunning to stal the Mind Stone from the Avengers' first battle with Loki, but succeed only in amusing shenanigans and observing Amreica's ass. Figuring it may be better to combine opposite skills, Tony and Steve then decide to try a Slytherin/Gryffindor team-up, and they go further back to the 1970s. There, they find help from the Maurauders, who are more than happy to break some rules and help with a heist, even for two guys they don't know. Steve sees Peggy, carrying on with her life, and watches her with a mixture of sad longing, and happiness that she's moved on. Tony meanwhile meets his father Howard, and discusses parenthood with him. Howard goes on about how "unqualified" he feels, and how he'd do anything for his coming baby, and Tony is reminded once more how full of sh*t his father always was. But since the bastard died an admittedly horrible death, Tony hugs and thanks him anyway, before yeeting off with the Stone. Steve starts to apologize once again, but Tony cuts him off. Tony's cunning and Steve's daring result in a success, and they return to the present time with the Mind Stone. Thor and Rocket travel to Asgard's past, to get the Reality Stone. Thor reunites with his mother, and sees he's still worthy of his hammer/broom, which he brings back with him to the present. Before he leaves, Queen Frigga tells him, "It's time to start being who you are, rather than who you're 'supposed' to be." "Are you telling me to step down from my throne?" "...step down? After your first five years were less than ideal? You're barely 1500 years old, my son. What I'm saying is, you could take a bit of time off to find yourself. A decade or two of vacation, having adventures with your rabbit friend, maybe. And you can even stay fat for a few centuries if you want. But why in the world would I be suggesting that you should throw away all you've fought for, just because of how things turned out over the last half-decade?" "I'm sorry Mother...living with Midgardians must've gone to my head. Though, I always was rather impulsive anyway." Rhodey and Nebula meanwhile travel to the Forbidden Forest, where Star Lord is about to steal the Power Stone from a heavily guarded cave. Rhodey and Nebula get along well, both now being close friends of Tony's, and both having been magically modified against their wills. (Rhodey, still a merman, must rely on his silver broom for transportation above water.) The pair interrupts Quill's opening dance number with Petrificus Totalus, and snag the Stone. Past-Thanos learns what they're up to, and almost follows them back to the present time, but Nebula kills her evil past self and past-Thanos, gaining some much-needed catharsis for herself. Past Gamora, however, stows away aboard Nebula's broom, as she and Rhodey fly back through the Spirit Realm to the present. Bruce gets the Time Stone from fellow a Ravenclaw, the Ancient One. Not battle or trickery is needed for this one; just honest, Ravencalw-to-Ravenclaw reasoning. When Bruce tells her about Strange sacrificing the Time Stone to save Tony, she realizes what this must mean, and hands the Stone over to Bruce. "But you must promise to return it, and restore the timeline." "I swear, my Lady, there is no one amongst the Order of the Avengers who would ever even consider messing up the Timeline for any reason, no matter how tempted they are." Nat and Clint go back in time to the palace of Salazar Slythrin, where Red Skull explains the trade for the Time Stone. Hufflepuff Clint naturally wants to be the one to die; he's already lost his family, he can't bear to lose his best friend as well. And he feels he deserves death, for the violent way he handled the loss of his family. But Nat, ever the pragmatic Ravenclaw, remembers that this death may not be permanent; and if god forbid it is, Clint's family will need him, and the world will need as many stable families like Clint's as possible, to rebuild. And she has a lot more red on her ledger to die for than he does. So she sacrifices herself. This apparent loss crushes the Avengers. The stereotype that Ravenclaws are just cold intellectual machines is BS; Nat was introspective and witty, and at the center of the heart of thee Order. And she never got to have a family. They sit in front of the Hogwarts lake, taking in her death.

Bruce roars, and tosses a bench into the lake. The kids sitting on the bench, Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley, barely react, as they too were close with Nat and are mourning her. Even the Giant Squid is too sad to be bothered by the littering of his lake. "We'll bring her back," Steve says sternly, as tears stream down his face. "It can't be undone," Clint chokes. "Sure it can't," Tony says clenching his jaw. "Just like Time Travel and bringing back the Dusted is impossible. When this is over, we won't need the Stone anymore, and we'll still have Time Travel." The Un-Dusting Tony builds a new Infinity Wand for the Avengers' set of Stones. Naturally, he designs the wand with the same red motif as his own--but this isn't just Tony's diva ego flashing again. He has always seen it has his own duty to defeat Thanos. His mind is temporarily changed when he attempts to use the Infinity Wand, and nearly passes out just from holding it with all the stones. Only Professor Wolf is strong enough to wield it with relative ease, and even he howls with pain as he flicks it. Thanos (the real, current Thanos, who is not dead) senses at once that a new Infinity Wand has been created and used, and attacks Hogwarts. The Avengers prepare to face him themselves, Bruce still weilding the Infinity Wand in his furry green paw, when suddenly portals open up around the school. Stephanigus Strange is back, along with all of the Dusted! Steve Rogers is frozen as he watches Sam and Bucky fly towards him on their brooms, coming from the left and right respectively. Bucky stares at Steve with scolding eyes, and says, "I told you not to do anything stupid," before barreling into him with a hug. Meanwhile, an adorkable little Ravenclaw in a spider-themed cloak swings up to Tony, and begins babbling about how wild it is to be back from the dusted, only to be interrupted by a tight hug. "Oh, this is nice!" As Tony crushes his surrogate baby brother, his eyes meet Bucky's, who is stilll crushing Steve. It's a silent, wet-eyed, exchange of forgiveness between the two of them. Then Tony notices Professor Squidward raising his wand behind Bucky and Steve. In one slick movement, Tony shoves Peter behind him, whips out his own wand, and blasts Squidward into a thousand gory pices of sushi. Bucky returns the favor a moment later, blasting a Thanos-minion that was coming up on Tony and Peter, before leaping over and finishing the villain off with some loud vampiric slurping. Bruce searches desperately for Natasha, and can't find her. He has a sickening feeling she wasn't revived. Vision and Gamora aren't seen either.... But all of the other the Guardians of the Realm are back. King T'Challa leaps through a portal, roaring and changing into his panther form in mid-jump. Wanda Maximoff soars out of the Wakanda portal, no broom or wand, running purely on her own scarlet magic. A pixie buzzes over to Scott, and Hope Van Dyne reverts to her usual size. A white ghostly blur gradually solidifies into Ava Starr, emerging through a slightly irritated Stephen Strange. Valkyrie flies in on her Pegasus, accompanied by all of the Asgardians, including Thor's new eccentric friends from "Ragnarok." From the next portal comes Nicademus Fury and Maria Underhill, ready to kick ass, and not about to miss out on this epic showdown battle, because that would just be jackalope-sh*t. From the next portal comes Lady Sif, Sharyn Carter, Christine Everhart, Bill Foster, and Galaga Guy. From the next, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron, Hagrid, and all of the main heroes from their generation (all having been Dusted). Portals open from wizarding schools around the world--Ilvermorny, Durmstrang, Beaubaxtons, Mahoutokoro, and Xavier's School for Gifted Wizards. From the final portal emereges Eddie Brock/Venom, Deadpool, and DarkWing Duck. And now the most epic battle in wizard history begins. Battle for Hogwarts The red Infinity Wand is tossed between the strongest Avengers during the battle, each of whom gets a turn using it against Thanos's original model. Bruce and the Wolf fight Thanos once more, now together, and wielding the red Infinity Wand. Professor Wolf is struggling to simply turn Thanos and his minions to dust, but it's one Infinity Wand up against another. As the two Infinity Wands blast against each other, a light begins to glow in the middle of the two spells. Bruce suddenly hears a familiar voice, half in his head. "Bruce, give someone else a turn." Natasha--or a ghostly version of her--is emerging from the middle of the two Infinity Wands' spells. "Priori Incantatem!" shouts Shuri, from her blue-and-silver panther broom. "Or something like it! Two sets of Infinity Stones blasting against each other, their past spells are regurgitating!" The moment of shock distracts Bruce long enough for Thanos to blast him to the ground. The grape bastard is about to pick up the other Infinity Wand, but spirit-Nat delivers a kick to his face. It's not a huge amount of damage--she only has the typical strength of a very angry poltergeist--but it buys enough time for Spidey to swing by and snag up the wand with his web. The little Ravenclaw trembles with the Infinity Wand in his hand; he's stronger than the average wizard, but maybe not quite strong enough to wield an Infinity Wand without harming himself. Thanos and his minions close in on him, and Thanos raises his own Infinity Wand towards Peter. The two Infinity Wands clash against each other once more, and another ghost emerges--Gamora. "I won't let you hurt another orphan!" ghost-Gamora screams, flying at her "father's" putrid head with her green fists raised. Below, past-Gamora watches in awe, as the revenge she's alwasy dreamed of starts to come true before her eyes. Seemingly all of the witches in the battle fly over and form a motherly wall between Thanos and Spidey, with ghost-Gamora and Nat in the lead. Valkyrie flies over on her Pegasus, and Ava Star comes running out of a Hogwarts castle wall. Pepper Potts is also there, with a new shinny purple broom and wand. Wanda Maxmoff and Jean Gray exchange a glance, silently admiring each other's red magic motifs, while Storm brings in some extra lightning for Thor. While the two Infinity ghosts of Nat and Gamora wrestle Thanos, Carol Danvers leaps over and snags the red Infinity Wand from Peter, just before the poor kid collapses. Thanos throws the two spirits off of him, and blasts at Carol. Now it's Captain Marvel's turn to have an Infinity duel with the Dark Lord. Thanos head-butts Carol, which does nothing to the vampire. An armada of dragons closes in, and Carol blasts them all with the Infinity Wand. She tries to turn Thanos and his minions to dust, but he stops her with his own Wand. Once again, two Infinity Wands clash. Carol's holding it against Thanos good, but one of the grape f**ker's minions delivers a cheap blast to her back, sending Carol spinning into the air, and the red Infinity Wand into Thanos's outstretched hand. The purple Dark Lord now wields both Infinity Wands. Worthy Thor raises Mjolnir, now in hammer form (it can switch between hammer and broom), in one hand, and Stormbreaker in the other, hoping his two weapons might be at least a momentary match for the two Infinity Wands. Unfortunately, Thanos instantly blasts Mjolnir out of Thor's hand, though Thor manages to keep a hold of the ax. A corny Mexican tune suddenly honks through the battlefield. Ant-Man's three friends are back, and they've made a quick heist on the way to the courtyard. They're flying in on their magical musical carpet. "Hey Scotty," Luis bellows, "Sorry we're late. Here, this thing's like a magical-sword vending machine or something, right?" And he tosses down the Sorting Hat. Scott, currently a giant ant, fails to catch the hat in his whale-sized pincers. But Janet Van Dyne flies by and grabs the Sorting Hat. Her daughter, in miniature-pixy form, soars into the Hat. Hope comes out, full-sized, wielding a Japanese-styled Katnana, with an elegant bronze handle shaped like an eagle, encrusted with sapphires: the Sword of Ravenclaw. Janet tosses the Hat down to Sam Wilson, yelling, "Pass it around!" Sam pulls out the Sword of Hufflepuff. "Isn't this yours?" he asks Clint, who refuses it. "I got my arrows." Clint says, blasting his arrow spells from his wand like a machine gun. Sam gives a curt nod. The young animagus then takes his Falcon form, clutching the sword in his talons, and tossing the Sorting Hat to Nebula. The blue chimera draws the silver, serpentine Sword of Slytherin--once her sister Gamora's personal weapon. Rhodey swoops by on his broom, slapping the Hat into the air with his merman-tail, and in midair, drawing the Sword of Gryffindor. There is one last weapon to be picked up. Mjolnir is lifted from the ground, with a clash of thunder. Steve Rogers is finally worthy to lift Mjolnir, now that he has finally owned all of his past faults and grown out of previous shallow idea of heroism, in a well-done arc that the audience saw in detail and didn't have to head-canon up for themselves (smashes computer and tosses it out the window). Everyone is now armed with some uniquely badass weapon, gathered behind the Cap. Holding the hammer and shield, Steve finally bellows, "Avengers, assemble!" Scott Lang is now in his largest Ant-Nimagus form, putting Them! to shame, tossing Thanos's minions aside like action figures. Assisting him is the Giant Squid. Hope speeds through the field with Ravenclaw's Katana like a samurai Tinkerbell, sending heads flying. Ava Starr runs through a string of Thanos's minions, ripping out their hearts as she does, making a bloody set of dominoes. She tries doing the same to Thanos, but his Infinity Wand makes it impossible for her to go through his body. Scott has also learned that the "going up Thanos's ass" trick won't work, since it turns out that Titans have no assholes. So he continues to kick ass as a giant ant. Pepper and Tony fight side by side on their badass Iron-brooms with the badass Iron-wands. Groot does his vine-of-death thing. Venom eats bad guys, while in the shape of a sexy woman. Bucky and Rocket are being closed in by a circle of Thanos's minions. So Bucky lets Rocket remove his metal arm. Bucky fights the foes in front of him with his human fist, wand, and vampire teeth, while Rocket rides the enchanted armor-arm like a broom, steering it towards villains that it strangles, punches, or pokes the eyeballs out of. (Bucky can control his arm even when it isn't attached to him.) Wanda Maximoff flies over (no broom required) to help Steve and Thor. The latter two hold off the blast from the red Infinity Wand, Cap using his shield and Mjolnir, and Thor using Stormbreaker and his other bare hand. Wanda Maximoff hisses at Thanos, "You took everything from me!" and with her bare hands, contains the original gold Infinity Wand with her scarlet magic. She puts all her effort into destroying it, with the image of Vision strong in her mind (har, har). She manages to make Thanos's Mind Stone crack, just a tad, and out of the crack flies the ghost of her lover. Tears well up in Wanda's eyes, but she doesn't let go. The ghosts of Gamora, Natasha and Vision join Wanda, each taking a hold of the wand and crushing as hard as their ghostly hands can manage. Finally, Thanos's Infinity Wand is destroyed in an explosion of light, that knocks everyone in a hundred mile radius to the ground. Inevitable There is one Infininty Wand left now. It is sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Thanos and Tony both make a dive for it. As they struggle over the wand, Thanos sneers, "I will destroy this universe down to the last molecule, and create a new one in its place." "They'll never accept you!" Tony snaps. "They'll never know." Tony's face says it all. After everything he's experienced, that is indeed a loaded phrase for Tony to hear. Thanos throws Tony off, knocking him into the castle wall. "I am inevitable!" he says raising his wand....only to realize he has no wand. Tony, bruised and bloodied, pushes himself up, and holds up the red Infinity Wand. "And I...am...Iron Man." No incantations are required for this killing curse; just pure unstoppable will. Thanos's fat purple jaw drops as his minions crumble to dust around him. The Titan's own will and power being abnormally strong, he resists the Dusting for a few moments of struggle. But then, both Gamoras--the ghost that emerged from the Infinity Wands, and the physical version from the past--leap at their "father" from opposite directions, the latter now wielding the Sword of Slytheirn. Past-Gamora stabs Thanos through the heart, and says just loud enough for him to hear, "For my real parents." Before he dies, Thanos sees himself in a field, facing a young Gamora, the child he orphaned and kidnapped all those years ago. "You love nothing," the green child says locking eyes with him. "And so you have nothing. You are nothing." She, the field, and Thanos's entire universe disintegrate, as the Titan crumbles into a pile of ash. You Promised When the dust settles, there is only one Gamora. The Infinity-Ghost has merged with the past body. She shakily rises to her feet, tears falling down her green face. "Gamora!" Peter Quill, who hasn't had a chance to speak to her yet, tears across the field to her. For a moment, it looks like they're about to kiss. Gamora chokes, "Peter..." and then knees him in the balls. She finishes with a hiss, "You promised!" Clutching his shattered bludgers, Quill retorts in a strained voice, "Hypocrite!" He is referring to the fact that Gamora couldn't sacrifice her sister to keep the Stone from Thanos. Gamora makes an admitting face, helps him up, and now they kiss. ...Mr. Stark? "We won!" Peter Parker shakes a barely conscious Tony, who is slumped against the castle wall. Half of Tony's face is burned, and the blue light from his chest amulet is flickering. "Sir! Can you hear me?" Everyone is crowded around Antonius Stark. It's unbelievable that an ordinary human wizard, with no extra powers, was able to wield the Infinity Wand at all, much less still be even a little bit alive after doing so. Tony's willpower is abnormally strong, even for a Slytherin. There was a reason he had Thanos's "respect." Pepper knows Tony literally will not rest, in any sense of the word, until he knows everyone is safe. "Tony, we're all gonna be fine." Pepper says keeling beside him. "You can rest now." The light goes out. Not our Steve! Tony is rushed to Wakanda. He has been declared "dead," but magical medicine is improving every day. Meanwhile, someone needs to return the remaining Infinity Stones to their proper time periods, to keep the timeline in tact. Since Steve Rogers is the only Avenger bland enough not to draw any attention to himself even if he tried, he is the perfect candidate. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," Steve says to Bucky. "How can I," Bucky repeats, "You're taking all the stupid with you." Steve strides through the veil into the Spirit Realm, to begin his Time Travel.... ...and he doesn't come back when he's supposed to. "I don't know what happened!" Professor Wolf says in dismay. "He just missed his jump..." Sam notices someone on a nearby bench, and breathes to himself, "Oh, hell no...."

The old wizard sitting on the bench is hunched and wrinkled, and has a long old-wizard beard tied with an American flag styled bow.

“S-Steve?” Sam stammers. “WTF?”

The old wizard smiles. “I decided to try that 'life' thing Tony was always telling me about. So I stayed in my old timeline and got married to the woman of my dreams.” "Peggy?" Sam exclaimed. "She had her own full life after you! She had a husband and kids! I think her husband was a one-legged veteran! You're telling me you stole a one-legged vet's wife and erased their kids, so you could have a woman you kissed once 70 years ago?" "Maybe the one-legged vet wasn't ever her husband." Old-Steve retorts. "Maybe it was me, all along!"

Bucky interjects, “I don’t suppose in all those years you were with Peggy, you found any time to save me from being Hydra’s puppet, or being forced to kill all those people, like Howard and his wife?”

“Erm…" Old-Steve shifts on the bench.

“Speaking of Tony,” Bruce Banner growls, “Were you able to use this opportunity of time travel to bring him, Natasha, Vision, and all our other fallen comrades back?”

“I mustn't alter the timeline, fellas.” Old-Steve replies.

“Hey wait a sec,” Sam says, “You spent 70 years letting your wife clock into the Order of the SHIELD knowing the whole time she was working for Hydra and not even knowing it?”

“Temporal Prime Directive,” Old-Steve grunts.

Bruce, clenching his green furry fists, asks, “So did you ever bob your niece on your knee? You know, the one you snogged?”

“Adam and Eve were brother and sister.” Steve defends simply.

Bucky exclaims, "You couldn't use this time-travel to save anybody from any of the horrible things you witnessed over 70 years, but you were fine erasing Peggy and Daniel's kids?!"

"See," Old-Steve held up a hand to explain. “When we travel back in time, it makes a new timeline. So you don’t know for a fact that any of those awful implications are even true at all. I might have saved all of you in that other timeline I created, and stopped Bucky from becoming the Winter Soldier, and Tony from becoming an orphan--" "And abandoned me for a better version of me?" Bucky finishes.

Before Steve can reply, Bruce demands, “If it’s another timeline then how’d you get back to this one? That cop out doesn't work at all Steve!”

A familiar voice interrupts, "Seriously you guys? You really think that thing could ever be me?”

The real Steve Rogers–still the same age as he was when he went to return the stones–enters the field, his face crestfallen. “How could any of you believe that this bastardization with my face is the real Steve Rogers, even for half a second?”

Sam mutters, “Well it wouldn’t be the first time you were wildly out of character….” "WE WERE ALL DRUNK DURING THE CIVIL WAR QUIDDITCH MATCH!" (real) Steve exclaims. "Can't I ever live that down?" The false-Steve says, "No, but you can live with Peggy, in the past. The opportunity is still there, Rogers." Another familiar, snarkier, voice cuts in: "Hold on, I've got the remote." Tony Stark comes up behind Steve, half his face scarred with burns, and one of his robe sleeves flying emptily. In his remaining hand, his red Iron-wand is pointed at the impostor. "RIDDICULOUS!"

The old-Steve transforms into a younger Steve, dancing around the field wearing only a whipped cream bra and briefs.

Here's What Really Happened “A boggart!” a dazed Bruce realizes, watching the false "Steve" do a slow strip tease. “But it’s usually the moon for me…”

“Mine’s the Winter Soldier,” Bucky muses.

Sam finishes, “And mine’s a copy of the ‘Star Wars’ Christmas Special." "But all three of you were standing so close together," Natasha Romanoff--very much alive--enters behind Tony and Steve, arms folded. "So it had to take a form that would horrify you all at once." Bruce breaks out of his daze, and barrels into Tony and Nat with a giant furry green hug. "Nat! Tony!...how?" "Same as Gamora," Nat says, returning the hug. "I came out when the two Infinity Wands clashed. Steve made one tiny change in the timeline when returning the stones, to bring me a body. I have memories of falling to my death, even feeling my body hit the ground. But I also remember Steve popping out of a portal just before I fell to my death, and watching him have a badass duel with Red Skull. It's like waking up from a dream and not knowing what to believe." Tony pointed at her. "Don't go stealing lines from underrated movies like 'Frequency!'" turning to Bruce he explains, "I guess when I slaughtered Thanos's minions, I accidentally turned my amulet into a horcrux. I'm down one arm, but Shuri was able to pump some new life into my body with some donated vampire blood from Bucky and Carol, and as long as I keep this thing on, I'll mostly stay in one piece. But I can also take it off and turn into Tony the Unfriendly Ghost. It's pretty sweet, in an existentially horrifying way." "Don't lie Tones," Nat elbows him. "You'd never miss a chance to be the epitome of both angst and scientific advancement."

"Then...everyone's back?" Sam asks. "Not everyone," Wanda replies heavily, entering the field. Next to her is Princess Shuri. "The Mind Stone from Tony's Infinity Wand had to be returned to its original time period," Suri begins. "The Mind Stone from ours is destroyed, with the rest of Thanos's Infinity Wand. I tried to save him, I was sure he could live without the stone...." "It was always highly experimental," Wanda finishes. After some grieving, the Order of the Avengers all go out to the Three Broomsticks for a bittersweet dinner and round of drinks.

Epilogue: Tony Stark has finally found the perfect job for him, as the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teachers of Hogwarts. Tony was born for the job, on its two most important grounds: Iron Man is obviously the epitome of "defense against the dark arts;" and since being a D.A.D.A. teacher always means suffering some horrible fate at the end of the semester, this too is Tony's life in a nutshell. No teacher before has been willing to return for another semester, after ending their first one memory-wiped, disintegrated, locked in a chest, or soul-sucked by a Dementor. But for Tony, such things are the story of his life. He always has the summer to recuperate. He also has a new magical red-and-gold armor-arm, so that keeps him pretty entertained. More important though, he has Morgan and Pepper. "I love you 3000." Steve Rogers decides to indeed "try that life thing Tony's always talking about," but without ****ing the timeline. He returns to his home country, and coaches Quadpod (the explosive American version of Quidditch), at Ilvermorny School of Magic. Either Sam or Bucky will carry on his moniker as Captain America, and his embarrassing portrait in the Gryffindor Quidditch pit will carry on his inspirational speeches and moral lectures. Thor plans to find a proper new home for his people. Joining the Guardians of the Realm, he is on the lookout for any unclaimed mountain range or forest that can be called New Asgard. In the meantime, he has left Valkyrie in his stead, back at their burrow in Hogsmede. Nat is teaching Transfiguration, and Clint, Magical Archery. And "Professor Wolf" is in the dungeons, teaching Potions. Bruce can alternate between any of his three forms at will, and actually tends to teach in his boring, adorkable human form (with only the green tail). After curing Bucky's mind-control, almost saving Vision's life, and curing Everett Ross's near-fatal wounds in hours, Shuri finally has managed to fix Rhodey's legs. He has spent the last month going through the very long list of "asses that need kicking" that he's been accumulating since his accident. Wanda and Bucky are growing close, though Ava might make it a love triangle. Or she might simply be the couple's "little sister." Tony and Shuri are constantly competing to give Bucky a better new arm every month, and Bucky is... (cough)...stockpiling arms. (Dodges tomatoes.) Bucky, Tony and Nebula regularly have magical metal arm-wrestling contests. Bucky, Tony and Wanda are also all extremely protective of each other, after their guilt complexes regarding one another. Carol Danvers continues to patrol the non-Human societies of the planet, and is now dating Valkyrie. And Peter Parker is preparing for a trip abroad, and graduation. He's scared of adulthood, of no longer being dependent on Aunt May or Mr. Stark, but he will take it in stride. Notes: Willikers! Holy mustache! This was a trip. To honestly justify each characters' Sorting, I have to stick to their main defining moments in canon. I basically decided to keep the most iconic scenes of "Endgame," while giving it a better plot and climax. And ending. By god, the ending. By god, Steve Rogers. Many people online peg Steve for a Slytherin, and by the last scene of "Endgame," he seems every bit like a Rowling-esque, self-serving Slytherin bastard. I have only two arguments for still sorting him into Gryffindor. (1) the Sorting Hat never said Slytherins were selfish; just ambitious, cunning, and power-hungry. Steve's selfish actions in "Endgame" could just as easily be the result of a Gryffindor's impulsive stupidity and self importance. (2) Steve can be literally any House you want, because Steve has no consistent character at all. Not in the MCU. For this project, I chose to sort Steve going by the traits the films indented for us to see in him, and used as many mental gymnastics as I could manage to rationalize those traits with his actions in canon. I am nowhere near done with this series. I still have all of the supporting cast of "Black Panther" among other things. In the meantime, see the blog for more MCU characters at Hogwarts.

97 notes · View notes

win-magazine · 5 years

Text

What Students Have Taught Me About Wrestling

By Tucker Lane

(Editor’s Note: The following is an expanded column by former Nebraska wrestler Tucker Lane that appeared in the Feb. 21, 2020 issue of WIN Magazine. Click here or call 888-305-0606 to subscribe to WIN Magazine.)

Up until April 2018, I had spent my entire life immersed in the sport of wrestling. Wrestling was, for me, everything good and bad, happy and sad. It gave me a purpose and pastime; it gave me a friend and an enemy.

For a long time, I never gave this fact much consideration, but as the days became the months became the years, I began to realize that if wrestling was my story, and if I were the stereotypical narcissist who only cared about his own story, then all that mattered was wrestling. And if this were the case, and the only thing that mattered was this wrestling story that was 29 years in the making, then the only people, places, and things that mattered were the people, places, and things that were a part of this story. This realization terrified me.

I gave up wrestling for a variety of reasons, but if I’m being completely honest, the chief among these was that I wanted to see if I could survive in life outside of my little wrestling story. Thus far, “surviving” is, in fact, the most adequate description of how things are going. I haven’t been able to find a job, not necessarily because I’m completely unemployable, but because the years of adulation I received for wrestling have increased my sense of worth to the point where I don’t particularly feel like starting over as a grunt in the real world, slinging used cars for some owner who is probably going to try and skim my commish. My social life hasn’t exactly taken off, and my only friends continue to be former wrestlers. When I tell this to people, they think I’m exaggerating—and I wish I were—but if you told me that I had to go out with a friend for happy hour on Friday evening, and that friend had to be someone who had never wrestled before in his life, then I have absolutely no idea who I would call to be my wingman. And I frequently draw strange stares from the ladies at my local gym when I use the yoga area as a mat to practice my penetration step.

I’ve been eating a lot of Dollar General tuna while stuck in wrestling purgatory, and in order to pay the bill, I’ve been shoveling some sidewalks and taking on temporary work where I can. I also substitute teach with great frequency, anything from elementary special needs on the poor side of town to senior-level AP Physics for teenagers driving Lexuses. In this diverse sample of our local community’s population, I see a fair amount of wrestling gear floating around in classrooms. I will always ask the standard questions when I see a student repping something wrestling-related: When does your season start? What weight class are you going to wrestle at this season? How many years have you been wrestling?

The responses are usually pretty standard, although rarely more than one word. It’s tough to get kids to answer any question that they know they’re not getting a grade or extra credit for. Nonetheless, I have gotten more than a handful of eyebrow-raising replies that lend perspective on a couple of questions that have been debated ad nauseum within the wrestling community. While I have held a very specific opinion on these issues for a good while, the responses of these students made me realize that my opinion on these matters was influenced entirely by those characters who were a part of my wrestling story. When hearing how these issues are viewed by people to whom wrestling is but a mere footnote, or, sadly, a superfluous paragraph that has been edited out, it makes one realize just how significant these points are for the continued prosperity of the sport.

The first topic that has surfaced in my experience as a substitute teacher is the question of what to do about singlets. I was wearing a singlet in my earliest baby pictures. I have never had even a remote hesitation about wearing a singlet. It’s just how people dress in my life’s story–they wear singlets. To college wrestlers who have a high level of investment in the sport and bodies that rival comic book superheroes, singlets are no big deal, either. And, as I quickly learned from my aforementioned local gym, people embrace the idea of singlets and spandex with open arms as they get older. My gym is filled with spandex. People who shouldn’t be wearing spandex are wearing spandex. It’s everywhere. Spandex shirts, spandex shorts, spandex leggings. So much spandex.

But to kids who are unsure about how they feel about themselves and whose interest level in wrestling is marginal, singlets are a big deal. In some cases, as I have learned in the past year, they become a make-or-break deal.

“Hey, I like your shirt, buddy! Are you excited for wrestling season?”

“I did wrestling last year, but my other friends who didn’t do wrestling always called me spandex-boy, so I don’t know if I’m doing it again this year.”

Another interaction after a kid noticed me wearing a wrestling polo to class.

“Mister, are you a wrestling coach?”

“I was a wrestling coach! Are you a wrestler, too?”

“My mom wants me to join this year. Does the wrestling team play in those stretchy suits?”

“In a singlet? That’s what the uniform is called for competition.”

“A singlet? You have to wear that during games?”

“Well, yeah, you wear it during matches…”

“Oh…”

Finally, the following exchange happened one day when an announcement was made to excuse all students who wanted to attend the wrestling meeting for the middle school team:

“Do I have any students interested in wrestling?”

“I ain’t interested in wearing spandex!”

“I didn’t ask if you were interested in wearing spandex. I asked if I have any students interested in wrestling.”

“Maybe I would be if I didn’t have to wear that onesie. But you’ll never catch me in spandex.”

Now, I understand that many children like to make excuses and that some can be very cruel. If they can’t use spandex as a cop-out for not joining the team, then they’ll find another reason to decline; if they can’t tease their wrestling peers about wearing singlets, they’ll unearth another means of harassment. However, the fact that the singlet continues to pervade promulgates an issue that doesn’t need to exist. From peewees through college, the vast majority of participants practice in t-shirt and shorts and compete in a singlet. I can’t think of any other sport where the practice attire differs from what is worn in competition. Clearly, coaches don’t feel like t-shirts and shorts present a safety issue, or they would require their athletes to practice in a singlet. Perhaps they believe that t-shirts and shorts present the opportunity for opponents to grab and gain a competitive advantage. Well, the headgear has presented this same opportunity for years, and officials have managed to keep such violations to a minimum.

From a participation standpoint, there is no downside to the sport making a wholesale transition to the fight short/compression shirt look for competition. The popularization of MMA has been a major positive for wrestling, highlighting the sport as an essential fundamental discipline for MMA success and giving high-level wrestlers an outlet to make professional money that is commensurate with their ability levels. Wrestling would be wise to continue to capitalize on MMA’s exposure and compete in gear that is more consistent with that worn by professional mixed martial artists. For every parent that has questions about wrestling branding itself so closely to an overtly violent sport, I truly believe, based on my aforementioned examples, that the sport would see triple that amount of youth who would not have been interested in wrestling if the singlet were still used. Just look at the merchandise store at wrestling camps for further proof of the branding potential of this alternative look. Fight shorts sell like wildfire, while singlets just sit there on the table. It makes sense, too. Fans enjoy wearing their New York Yankees baseball caps and Dallas Cowboys jerseys out in public. They can do the same with their favorite wrestling team’s fight shorts—not necessarily their favorite wrestling team’s singlet. I strongly encourage any coach, at any level of the sport, to switch to this updated look the next time they are due for new uniforms.

My time as an underachieving substitute has also shone new light on the tournament versus duals debate. To someone with a story like mine, sitting through wrestling tournaments is just one of the facts of life, something that just is, nothing to be discussed or argued about because on the weekends, wrestlers go to wrestling tournaments. A wrestler’s weekend residence is a stuffy high school gym or chilly multi-use arena, and to be evicted from that residence without the chance of being crowned champion is as uncomfortable to the wrestler as it is to the citizen who shows up to an apartment for which the key no longer works. Unfortunately, for the non-wrestler, or for those who are just dabbling, squatting in rigid-back bleachers and munching on concession-stand nachos all day is, itself, the very definition of uncomfortable, as demonstrated by the following examples.

When I saw one of my students wearing the t-shirt of a well-known local youth club, I asked him how many years he had wrestled for them:

“I wrestled for them in first, second, and third grade, but I’m not wrestling for them this year.”

“Why not? Did you sign up for another club?”

“No, my dad said that he doesn’t want me to do wrestling this year because the tournaments take too long. He likes to do family activities on the weekend and since wrestling takes all day on Saturday, we can’t do anything except for Sunday. He is signing me up for basketball because the games are shorter.”

I asked another student in a wrestling hoodie about the upcoming season and got the following response:

“I don’t know if I’m going to be on the wrestling team this year. My mom works at night on the weekends and because the games take so long, she can’t find anyone to pick me up once they’re over. She’s still trying to figure it out because she knows I really want to be on the team this year.”

And finally:

“I haven’t done wrestling since I was in elementary. My parents got mad because we were at one of the tournaments for a really long time, but we were at the wrong mat and I missed my first match. So they took me out after that year.”

Clearly, tournament wrestling is confusing, uncomfortable, and inconvenient for the marginally committed consumer. Unlike switching from singlets to more modernized uniforms, however, making the switch from tournaments to duals is more complicated. First, tournament wrestling has become big business in the wrestling community. Youth mega tournaments and tournament series have exploded since the turn of the century. In this same timeframe, the NCAA Division I Championships have blossomed as the marquee spectacle of the sport, going from an event that wouldn’t sell out a college arena to packing nationally renowned venues. It has grown to the point that the NCAA decided to move the 2020 championships to a state-of-the-art NFL stadium, and all-session passes approach $300 per person. Proponents of the status quo can easily point to this and argue that there is no need to mess with a good thing. Why should we focus on switching to duals when there is such growth in tournament wrestling?

Tournament wrestling is also supported by coaches who want to get their kids mat time. In a single-contest dual, there is only the chance to get your starting lineup one match a piece. In a tournament setting, coaches are usually able to enter as many kids as they can, and even their lesser wrestlers are guaranteed at least two matches. I argue that more mat time is not necessarily a good thing. Without delving into the overuse injury and burnout arguments, focusing strictly on making wrestling a more sellable product, I believe that wrestling so many matches in a year devalues the sport. Urgency and hype are generated when the focus is on fewer contests. Would MMA be as popular if competitors fought 30-40 bouts a year? Would football be the most watched televised sport if your favorite team played four games a week? Yes, the violent nature of these sports makes increased competitions prohibitive, but I believe this restriction actually helps them generate interest. Viewers don’t have the “there’s another match in a couple of hours” argument as an excuse for not tuning in.

Finally, many coaches don’t like scheduling duals because of forfeits. There isn’t much sense in using a competition date when my team has eight wrestlers and your team has 10 wrestlers and we only overlap at five weight classes. Despite significant thought on this topic, I haven’t been able to come up with a solution that doesn’t open a pandora’s box of other issues. I do, however, believe that this is a classic catch-22: We don’t wrestle duals because we don’t have enough wrestlers and we don’t have enough wrestlers because we don’t wrestle duals.

I hope that no one has interpreted this as a doom-and-gloom piece on the state of wrestling. In many ways, the sport is more popular than it has ever been, thanks, in large part, to the exciting surge in women’s wrestling and the outstanding work of the sport’s many dynamic social media personalities. But I believe wrestling can be substantially more popular in 2020 on if coaches make the commitment to move away from the singlet and make their competition schedules more dual-meet heavy. These aren’t the only two challenges that the sport is facing in the public school system (cell phone addiction, participation-ribbon culture, low budgets, year-round club domination, shortage of quality coaches), but they are the two issues that surface frequently enough to inspire me to set aside the Dollar General tuna and get down to the public library to write about wrestling again.

(Tucker Lane is a former wrestler and wrestling coach. He is the author of Love in the Time of Likes, a novel about a high school wrestling coach who explores the world of online dating. He also co-hosts the Four-Point Nearfall podcast, available on all major listening apps, which discusses action in the Big XII Conference. Please visit his website www.tuckerlane.org and leave him feedback on this article.)

For more like this subscribe to WIN Magazine here: http://bit.ly/WIN-subscription

#wrestling #college wrestling #iowa wrestling #penn st wrestling #penn state wrestling #college wrestler #college wrestlers

1 note · View note

iwritethat · 6 years

Text

Fantasy AU

Tim Drake: Dungeons & Outlaws

A/N: So Dick and Damian are left, wonder what to do for them.

>>>>—————————>

Anyone would have said wandering through your own castle under disguise was unnecessary, doing so and avoiding the royal guard was even more incredulous. Yet here you were, edging past cells, hungry prisoners and the wardens as you disobeyed orders. No matter what you could not allow righteous inmates to starve when they had yet to be proven guilty, punished for something they'd possibly never committed based on the accusations of the rich. You hated the way the kingdom divided wealth and as a result you did as much in your power to aid the people either overtly or covertly.

During your escapade, a sudden hold caused you to withold a scream in fear of being discovered, that and the hand clamped over your mouth with a knife to your throat.

"Quiet and I won't have to hurt you." Despite his warning, you continued your struggle as you couldn't risk exposure either, but the fact intruders were lurking in the dungeon concerned you more.

"Stop struggling or - wow..." As he pulled you back toward him, your fallen cloak revealed your familiar features, more beautiful than the last time he'd laid eyes on you.

"My lady..." His voice was breathless, fingers moving to remove his own disguise allowing to face your apparent captor.

"Timothy?!" Despite the surprise in your voice, he managed a brief admiring smile, relishing in the missed company.

Tim Drake, rebel of his family so much so you were sure he'd become Tim Drake-Wayne now, a notorious outlaw of the kingdom with good intentions. A living tale of Robin Hood if you will, you'd spent your childhood together but your paths drifted only to cross again many years later here of all places. However, with the commotion of the guards rebounding on the damp brick your reunion was unfortunately disturbed, clusters of shadows loomed as the flaming torches advanced leaving you with few options. You figured you could buy Tim more time, whatever he was doing here must be for a righteous cause and losing the peoples champion simply wasn't considered. Tim had other ideas however, grasping your wrist then pinning you in the darkest alcove to aid concealment. There were pros and cons to this predicament, the latter being that the veil of shadow heightened your senses so you could hear his whispers of silence, feel his warm breath fanning against the shell your ear as he spoke and the racing of his heart under your palm but regardless of this he remained calm. Pros to being hopelessly besotted in a compromising position included the dark concealing longing glances and flushed features to lessen embarrassment.

"(Y/n)... (Y/n)..." Hushed calls raised an octave as they passed, Tim giving you a curious but amused expression as you shook yourself from your previous flourishing thoughts.

"Mm, right. Distracted."

"I couldn't tell, my friend was captured on our last mission and I’m here to rescue him. I know you aren’t like most nobles so I trust you to help." He retained his sarcasm, but the soft laugh he gave encouraged you to follow him until you reached a particular cell and the prisoner was more than pleased to see his comrade.

"Knew you'd come Robin Hood, I'd have been faster though." The brunette happily bragged, Tim shook his head with smile before lock-picking the cage.

"Don't call me that, Red Robin is fine Bart."

With his freedom given, it was then that the quick witted stranger noted your presence.

"Bartholomew Allen at your service lady." The brunette cheerfully introduced, quickly placing a kiss to your knuckles.

"My lady." Robin amended from beside you, underlying scolding present. Upon hearing him Bart instantly dropped your hand and held up his own in surrender as he released a sheepish laugh.

"Oh I didn't realise, sorry bro."

"No-no, that's how you say it respectfully - (Y/n) isn't mine." Tim on the other hand flushed a deep crimson, correcting Bart once more with a hint of nervousness as he studied you for a reaction only finding an embarrassed smile.

The moment was interrupted as guards shouts echoed down the hallway fuelling your adrenaline once again.

"You can escape from my room, they'll have all of the dungeon exits blocked by now trust me, I know. Follow me." You hurriedly rushed pulling the two outlaws along with you before they could argue against getting you involved with them but a friend of Tims must be worth it. You were alert of all surroundings as you silently danced through the maze of your castle avoiding guards as you went and hiding in the shadows of torches with the two tracing your movements as you slipped into your private grand chambers with a flood of relief.

"Ok they'll check on me after discovering an empty cell. They don't care if you guys were trying to help people, we've got to get you out of here!" Came your knowledgable voice, pulling Tim's hand and guiding him to your wardrobe offering rope and a grapple (you had your own means of escaping home).

Rushed knocking echoed throughout your chambers silencing the three of you whilst making preparations, you awaited some form of giveaway as to who it was before announcing your presence.

"My love, are you alright?! There's intruders in the dungeon, we're tracking them down but I needed to check on your safety first!" You could hear the confidence in the Princes voice, the mere sound enough to make you wince.

“Please give me a moment Sir!” Tim shot to you instantly, look of confusion and hurt briefly crossing eyes as he silently questioned you with his exasperated hand gestures.

"It's an arranged marriage, besides it's not like you don't have your fair share of lovers outlaw!" You whisper yelled, Bart attempting to hide his chuckle from the window ledge where Tim was giving you an incredulous glance.

"Do you love him?" The knocking persisted, Bart taking the initiative to slide down to the ground below as Tim continued this untimely conversation.

"What him? The handsome, charming Prince? No of course not! It's always been... nevermind go!" Your hand went to Tim's shoulder, urging him to follow his comrade against his stubborn nature. His hand wrapped around your wrist bringing your attention back to him and the close proximity caused you to falter for a second.

"(Y/n), who has it always been?" His tone was more serious, despite the worried voice of the Prince his hushed one was much more appealing to your senses.

"If I don't answer he's-"

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me, whether I get caught or not because it's you."

At that moment your only thought was getting him out, but saying what you felt wasn't as easy as it sounded. Actions speak louder than words right?

Your fingers grasped his scarlet scarf to bring his lips to yours softly, gently, as if savouring the moment but it wasn't the gentleness he wanted, not after all this time so he pulls you against him harder, deepening the kiss with a fervent need you'd only ever read about. As much as you'd have liked the moment to continue you lowered your head simultaneously ending the embrace despite burning desire, you felt Tim smile against your skin before placing a soft kiss to your temple.

"For me, it's always been you." His voice was nothing more than a meaningful whisper that brought him back into your focus, his gaze avoiding your own.

"Tim Drake-Wayne..."

"...?"

"That's the answer to your question before." Your tone was smug yet kind, and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he gripped the rope and held out his other to you from his position in the window ledge.

"Then are you coming with me my lady?"

#tim drake #tim drake x reader #tim drake imagine #dc #dc imagine #fantasy au #alternate universe #au #red robin #red robin imagine #red robin x reader

98 notes · View notes

singulardivinity-blog · 5 years

Text

Enchanted pt 1

Prompt 1 (uploaded 02.06.19)

Characters: Witch!Y/N, Physician!Namjoon, Herbalist!Seokjin, Knight!Jungkook, Knight!Hoseok, King!Taehyung, Servant!Jimin, King’s Adviser!Yoongi. Paring: Taehyung x Y/N Genre: Fantasy, Romance Words: 1.8k Warnings: None Parts: [1] /

-> The Kingdom of Malith falls to the witches and King Si-hyuk of Eondan is killed. A new king is crowned and smugglers make their way into the kingdom, leaving Y/N with little options. She meets with her childhood friend Seokjin and royal physician Namjoon who offers her a job at the palace.

Part one: I ran through the forest, gasping as I struggled to breathe, the soft sound of hooves hitting the mossy floor chasing me as I went. Entering a clearing, I staggered realising I was trapped, ensnared in the familiar path back to my burning camp. Smoke curled in waves off the forest floor, the ruins of my community and our peace blackened in smog. This community had held my youth, the safety and love of my peers, and admittedly as of recent, the demise of a kingdom.

Our people were a generous and peaceful group, yet anger had brewed until we were oppressed into fighting. I had not taken part in that historic event, although held dear the story of my mothers and fathers struggle at revolution.

And here I was again. Nearly a decade after I had ran from the fear and grief of losing the two I loved above all else. I was back, watching the rest of my life demolish.

Only this time, I was stronger and I understood my power. Nothing could weaken me, and there was nothing left to take from me.

The horses and riders upon them, halted as they circled me, seemingly giving me no escape. What could they possibly want from me? There was nothing left they could take from me, nothing to blackmail me with as they tortured me for the whereabouts of my kin.

“You have nowhere to go now, sweetheart,” the thug crooned, smiling viscously as if I were an animal caught for sport.

I spun, glancing at each of the riders and wondered briefly if they each had their own families, friends, or if they knew what it felt like to lose a partner.

“Unfortunately for you I’m afraid,” I smirked to their leader, “I have more than one trick up my sleeve.”

The uneasy glances surrounding me made me smirk. They knew what I was.

Back turned to their leader, I smiled sadly as I heard him scream, “Seize her!” I knew what I had to do in exchange for my freedom.

A single tear slid down my cheek as my closed eyes flared golden. “You’ll never catch me.” with the twitch of an eyebrow the men and creatures ignited, shattering as flames licked at their skin. I sprinted, escaping their screams as shrapnel flew from my explosions, and freed myself of their torment.

There was only one place I could go now. The only place where safety and trust was ensured; in the small cottage of my childhood best friend. Seokjin and I had known each other since before either of us understood the meanings of power and law. We had grown up vivaciously; I danced among flowers while he discovered new herbs and undergrowth, and he watched avidly as I perfected my craft and learnt new spells. We understood each other’s passions and we became each other’s closest friends. A few years older than me and the most promising of his siblings, Seokjin was expected to find work while I was still going through the early awkwardness of puberty. He became apprenticed as an amateur herbalist, a royal physician offering him a chance to pursue his dreams professionally, and my heart ached as I watched him leave.

We never grew apart completely, but seeing each other became difficult due to his growing responsibility, and my need to keep myself hidden. He was affiliated with the castle, and I could not risk that kind of exposure.

Reaching the edge of the forest, I spotted the small wooden cottage. Its quaint familiarity made me smile and I quickly noticed the two figures pottering around the garden. I watched as they spoke, laughing at something Seokjin was holding, and I longed to be in that second man’s place. Those bittersweet emotions clutched at me again, and I couldn’t help but wish he had never left. Seokjin had barely changed, gangly limbs and boyish aura, although he now stood tall and confident, any suggestion of the worry or anxiety that used to trace his face was gone and his smile content.

Approaching the men, Seokjin’s smile grew impossibly wider as he recognised my short figure and unusual clothing immediately. He rushed over and pulled me against him, exclaiming in his rich teasing voice, “It’s been long enough for heaven’s sake, I had started to think you gone and died on me!” He was joking, although concern laced his voice at seeing my exhausted form, my attire having ripped while I was running and my hair oily from my less than frequent washes. “I was wondering when you’d come back to me.” Mockingly patting his chest, I laughed. “Yeah, yeah. I missed you too.” As we pulled away the other man stood forward, extending an arm. I recognised him immediately from the countless times Seokjin had gushed about the attractive and intelligent physician. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Y/N.” “Namjoon?” I tried and he smiled broadly taking his hand. He was a handsome man, brownish hair and tanned skin, and he held such a poised persona that I was surprised when he blushed self-consciously. “I’ve been told so much about you over the years and to be honest, I was wondering when we would finally meet.” He glanced teasingly at Seokjin who had brought me back into a hug. “I missed you so much,” He paused. “There is so much we need to talk about.”

Seokjin led me inside and I marvelled at the beauty of his house. Rows of shelves packed with books and jars filled with dried flowers, an ornate fireplace sitting the corner and I realised that Seokjin had become significantly wealthier than when he’d left home.

He sat down before me as Namjoon left excitedly, babbling about some herbal tea Seokjin had taught him how to make. I could tell Seokjin was trying to tell me something, internally conflicted about how he should word what he wanted to say. “You and Namjoon have a beautiful house, Seokjin.” I smiled and his tense form visibly relaxed. “How did you know?” He laughed and I shrugged, “I guess I just had a feeling. Besides you look absolutely smitten.” Namjoon came back in the room with our tea cheerily and sat down next to Seokjin. “I probably don’t need to ask you not to tell anyone, do I?” Seokjin implored and I faked a gasp. “Jin, as if you’d even need to ask me! I would never dream about telling anyone.” The couple beamed at each other and I couldn’t help but join them, knowing my best friend had found his muse.

The mood softened as Seokjin sighed, “I don’t know what to say, Y/N, where to start. So much has happened.”

“After the fall of Malith to the witches, and then the overthrowing of the witches, Eondan was thrown into chaos. Our trading routes have become non-existent and King Taehyung doubled the amount of soldiers on standby in case of an attack. Families have been closing down their stores because they either can’t get supplies, or can’t sell what they have.” He looked disgruntled, disturbed by what he was to say next, and I noticed that Namjoon had begun holding his hand, adorned with a beautiful woven metal ring identical to the one on Seokjin’s fourth finger.

“Namjoon has had to stop attending to people. He doesn’t have any medications left and it’s too dangerous for me to risk going into the forest to get herbs. I’m sure you’ve seen the smugglers?” I nodded solemnly, recounting the run in that had bought me to Seokjin in the first place.

“They’re trafficking anyone of worth; anyone they can get money off in Azkater, whether by profession or simply beauty, as a way of earning enough income to feed themselves.”

I recalled the stories I’d been told of Azkater as a child. It was a corrupt nation where criminals would go if they found no other kingdom that would accept them. It ran off greed, money and hatred, and allied with no one unless they proved beneficial. I had only been there once briefly and what I saw was enough to keep me away forever.

“Wait Jin. What do you mean King Taehyung?”

“King Si-hyuk was in Malith when it was attacked. He’s dead. Prince Taehyung brought him here after he was hit in the chest but he died while Namjoon was attending him. Taehyung was crowned king.”

“But surely Taehyung must only be the same age us? He’s barely an adult how could be expected to run a kingdom?”

“There were no other successors. King Taehyung is the oldest of his family, it’s what has been expected of him since he was born. Although clearly they didn’t prepare him very well, he hasn’t been very good at his job.”

“Oh Seokjin,” Namjoon tutted, “He’s grieving. He watched his father die, have sympathy.”

“And while he gets to sit on his throne crying in his silk cloak and holding his silver spoon, his kingdom is falling apart!” Jin paused embarrassedly,

“I’m sorry Y/N, I shouldn’t be speaking so ill of our king, I’m frustrated is all. Joon tells of what happens inside the castle and out, and we’ve just been through so much recently. It just all seems so unfair-.”

“I understand. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you, Seokjin. If I had known, maybe I could’ve done something, could’ve helped? I was so selfish to stay hidden while all of this was happening.”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N, how could you have foreseen this? Your community did this, not you.”

Your community. Not ours. How could he say that when he grew up alongside the same laws as ours, the same peace? I felt disgusted that we had become so torn apart that he didn’t recognise himself as part of our family, as if he had erased our entire childhood from his life.

He sensed my discomfort and immediately apologised.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It doesn’t matter Seokjin.” I snapped, composing myself I looked to Namjoon who had begun speaking.

“The reality is, I’m afraid, that there’s really not much we can do about it now. We’re just going to have to sit this out.”

Seokjin hugged me one more time before announcing that he was going to cook dinner. Namjoon led me to the spare bedroom telling me they had it set up in case anyone got suspicious of their living arrangement. Two men in the one house often did arise theories.

I laid underneath the woven blanket and realised then that I had been exposed to a circumstance I had never envisioned; my best friend and the love of his life hiding the same way I did with my powers and I couldn’t help but cry.

No one should have to live like this. I shouldn’t have to live like this.

#fic #fanfic #bts #writing #masterlist #taehyung x reader #bts au #bts x reader #bts fanfic #king!taehyung #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #kim namjoon #jeon jungkook

9 notes · View notes

tiltedcrownblog · 5 years

Text

How does social media affect your self-concept, identity and body image?

You’re on Instagram, Facebook or some other social media site and you’re inundated with ‘Kardashian’ inspired images of gorgeous women, then you look at your own profile and realise you have a lot of work to do to keep up, not just on your social media profile but on yourself, wishing you had abs instead of flabs and wondering rhetorically, “Why can’t I look like that?” If this type of thought has ever crossed your mind, then you’ve engaged in an upward appearance comparison and as a result, internalised social media’s expectations of how you ‘should look’ (Feltman & Szymanski, 2017). Unfortunately, this is one of the many types of behaviours which people often subconsciously engage in when using social media which research suggests, may distort one’s self-concept and in turn, their body image.

In 2016, 94% of worldwide internet users had at least one social media account and spent approximately 1.97 hours per day on these sites, of whom, young adults spent the most time (as cited in Feltman & Szymanski, 2017). It is important to identify what drives people to engage in frequent social media use and why it has become engrained in peoples’ daily routines. The concept of one’s identity has been described by research as an ongoing process and exploration of the self, adaptive to the social world (Miller, 2017). A study by Miller (2017) found that queer-identifying individuals with disabilities reported primarily using social networking sites to explore their identity by meeting other individuals online with shared experiences, validating their identities, engaging in a community of social support and raising political awareness of those who identify similarly. These findings suggest that the use of social media sites is deeply embedded in our drive to explore our identities and belong somewhere in the social world.

Furthermore, research by Veldhuis, Alleva, Bij, Keijer, and Konijn (2018) found that young women who appreciated their bodies more (i.e. had a positive body image) were more likely to engage in taking selfies i.e. taking photos of oneself followed by deliberately posting them on social networking sites. Women who had higher tendencies to engage in self-objectification (viewing oneself as an object and making evaluations based on appearance) were also more likely to be highly engaged in taking selfies. In contrast, women with a poorer body image or self-esteem did not engage in taking frequent selfies. This suggests that some women may be using selfie behaviours in an adaptive way, for example by posting photos and receiving positive feedback comments this can reinforce a positive self-image.

While both these studies illustrate the potential for social media to be used to positively support an individuals’ self-concept and identity exploration, it can also have aversive effects, in particular pertaining to body image perception. An experiment involving Australian women aged 17-30 years found that they experienced decreased satisfaction with their body and increased negative mood after exposure to fitness inspired images on social media (Prichard, McLachlan, Lavis, & Tiggemann, 2018). They also found that women who viewed themselves as objects (self-objectification), were more vulnerable to having poorer body satisfaction (Prichard et al., 2018). Perloff (2014) described other individual vulnerability factors in their model for social media and its impact on body image including low self-esteem, depression, thin ideal internalisation, centrality of appearance of self-worth and perfectionism. In light of these individual vulnerabilities, they note that due to the nature of accessibility of social networking sites, there are significantly more opportunities for social comparison and disordered perceptions of how one should look than were available before with conventional media.

Similarly, Feltman and Szymanski (2017) found that the more users engaged with images on Instagram, the more inclined they were to view themselves as objects and monitor their physical looks. This finding was due to internalisation of cultural standards of beauty and comparing oneself to those who have more favourable appearances (upward appearance comparison). Furthermore, a study by Vogel, Rose, Roberts, and Eckles (2014) indicated that both a higher Facebook use and temporary exposure to Facebook profiles which contained upward comparison information (i.e. profile contained engagement in highly healthy behaviours), led to lower self-esteem and poor self-evaluations in both men and women.

Unfortunately, the fusion between social media image exposure and internalisation of how one ‘should’ look can lead to a distorted self-concept and in turn negative body image.

While an internalisation of ‘thin ideals’ has shown to facilitate distorted perceptions of the self, there are ways to mitigate these effects. A study by Snapp, Hensley-choate, and Ryu (2012) evaluated whether protective factors proposed by an earlier model for body image resilience contribute to women’s overall wellness and in turn, self-concept. The study found that the following five factors contributed to a more positive body image; high family support, low levels of perceived sociocultural pressure from family, friends, and media regarding the importance of achieving a thin-and beautiful ideal, rejection of the superwoman ideal, positive physical self-concept and active coping skills. It is suggested that when engaging in social media, women should aim to be aware of these protective factors to help minimise the potential for a distorted self-concept and negative body image.

Building awareness of social media’s influence on individuals’ self-concept has also been utilised as a preventative strategy in pre-adolescent Australian children as young as 8 years (as cited in Williams, & Ricciardelli, 2014). In this literature, girls were aware that make up was used to enhance celebrities’ looks and boys identified that famous sportsmen who endorsed sugar filled sports drinks were not doing so with the aim of promoting healthy drink options. Both examples show how an awareness of social media’s disguised purposes in marketing can be encouraged in children even before it manifests itself during adolescence or early adulthood.

Lastly, research by Feltman and Szymanski (2017) has identified an association between women with stronger feminist beliefs who used Instagram and having lower rates of body-surveillance (monitoring one’s appearance), while women with lower to moderate feminist beliefs who used Instagram engaged in higher levels of body surveillance behaviour. This provides an opportunity to encourage women to engage in stronger feminist beliefs in an attempt to reduce body surveillance behaviours when using Instagram and potentially other social networking sites.

In summary, it appears that we constantly find ourselves engaging in social media, taking selfies, updating our social media profiles to not only connect to the world but to gain a validation of their identity. However, in light of the research discussed, it is important for users of social media to be aware of both the preventative strategies and potential risks associated with internalisation of thin ideals and as a result, a distortion of our self-concept. In describing this toxic manifestation, internationally famous model Kate Moss once stated, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” (as cited in Perloff, 2014, p. 366). The question now is, are you going to allow yourself to internalise such a ‘thin ideal’?

Reference list

Feltman, C. E., & Szymanski, D. M. (2017). Instagram use and self-objectification: The roles of internalization, comparison, appearance commentary, and feminism. Sex Roles, 78(5-6), 311-324. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1007/s11199-017-0796-1

Prichard, I., McLachlan, A. C., Lavis, T., & Tiggemann, M. (2018). The impact of different forms of #fitspiration imagery on body image, mood, and self-objectification among young women. Sex Roles, 78(11-12), 789-798. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1007/s11199-017-0830-3

Snapp, S., Hensley-choate, L., & Ryu, E. (2012). A body image resilience model for first-year college women. Sex Roles, 67(3-4), 211-221. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1007/s11199-012-0163-1

Perloff, R. M. (2014). Social media effects on young women's body image concerns: Theoretical perspectives and an agenda for research. Sex Roles, 71(11-12), 363-377. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1007/s11199-014-0384-6

Williams, R. J., & Ricciardelli, L. A. (2014). Social media and body image concerns: Further considerations and broader perspectives. Sex Roles, 71(11-12), 389-392. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1007/s11199-014-0429-x

Veldhuis, J., Alleva, J. M., Bij, d. V., Keijer, M., & Konijn, E. A. (2018). Me, my selfie, and I: The relations between selfie behaviors, body image, self-objectification, and self-esteem in young women. Psychology of Popular Media Culture. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1037/ppm0000206

Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1037/ppm0000047

Miller, R. A. (2017). "My voice is definitely strongest in online communities": Students using social media for queer and disability identity-making. Journal of College Student Development, 58(4), 509-525. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.une.edu.au/10.1353/csd.2017.0040

#social media use #thin ideal #body icons #self-concept #self-esteem #identity #lgbt #feminism #selfie #social media #fitspiration #psychology #social psychology

8 notes · View notes