#We totally understand if people are upset or disappointed with all the unexpected breaks

[entityneo]

We’re still here!

Hi all! I (Mod Migosp)  just wanted to drop a post here explaining a little about what’s going on for this comic.

We have not stopped working on this project; it’s just that the past several months have been crazy between me and Mod NEO. Getting sick with COVID-19, moving, and intense work schedules are some of the things that have affected the pace of our work.

However, I am indeed working on the next scene for Entity NEO! It is mostly finished; it just needs a little more content and some refining. Then I will send it over to Mod NEO and they can begin working their visual magic.

We’ve really appreciated the kind engagement from you while we’ve been gone! Thank you for the nice replies and asks! We intend to answer all the asks soon; we are grateful for your patience.

As always, thank you for joining us as we continue to tell this story that we care so much about. 

We’ll talk to you all again soon!

--Mod Migosp

[reminiscing-writer]

Unexpected Surprise

Prompt: Reid is a regular at his local bookstore, and also has a very good acquaintance with the young storekeeper there. When she turns down his date very last second, he finds a secret about her that can’t help but make him fall harder for her.

Warning: idk man I’m just tryna write fluff lmao I got hella carried awayyyy

We all deserve happy Reid

—————

The cold October air whizzed by, as Spencer walked into Pages And Pages, his local bookstore, with a large smile on his face, and two steaming coffees in hand. He’d made it a part of his schedule to try and drop by at least once a week. Sure, the books were very captivating, but so was the receptionist.

He thought, from the moment he laid eyes on her, that she was a beauty. Her hair was always loosely tied in a bun, her make up close to minimal, and her sense of style almost mirrored his- sweaters. Lots of sweaters.

He found it fairly easy to talk to her, because, although at first he stumbled with his words, her kind and soft spoken demeanor drew him into a safe space.

Y/n was very well aware of Spencer’s occupation. If he didn’t come by on his weekly visit, she’d figure he was out saving the world, as she liked to put it.

The little bell on the large oak door of the bookstore rang as Spencer entered, and headed straight for y/n’s desk. He was very punctual. 12:15 every Friday. Y/n didn’t even have to look up to know that the shadow covering her table was him.

She had a smile etched on her lips before she even looked up, “You realize I’m seeing you in less than 48 hours right?” She joked, taking the cup of coffee he handed to her.

“I do,” he smiled, just as stricken by her beauty as the last time he saw her, “but, I didn’t want to skip out on meeting with you today.” He tucked a strand of loose hair behind his ear.

She takes a sip of her drink, humming at the delightful taste, “Why won’t you just tell me what you order?” She has her eyes closed, having every taste bud tingle in happiness, “This is delicious.”

He laughs slightly at her happiness, “Becuase, if I told you, then you could get it yourself, anytime. And, I want these coffee meetings to be special.” He says, shyly shrugging.

Y/n’s cheeks filled with a rose blush, “Dr. Reid, you are over the top.” She laughed softly, shaking her head.

“Just wait until Sunday,” Spencer sips his own coffee, “I’ll pick you up from your place, by 8 o’clock, you said, right?” He double-checked. He didn’t need to double check. He had it memorized down to a T. Her address. The route. The time to pick her up. The restaurant he was planning on taking her too. The walk that he planned on them taking from said restaurant to a small ice cream parkour.

He didn’t need to double-check anything.

“Mm-hmm,” She hummed, sipping her drink this time, nodding slightly, “he should be down by then,” she mumbles to herself, quickly scribbling down something on paper, “I’ll be ready by 8, waiting for you.” She smiled.

-

“I’m so sorry.” Y/n apologied for the hundredth time. “I really feel awful. I promise, I’ll make it up to you.” She sniffled over the phone.

“No, I-its fine,” Spencer spoke into his cell, trying so hard to mask the disappointment that was dripping in his voice, “I understand.” He was pacing back and forth in the break room at the office, “We couldn’t possibly know you’d be getting down with bronchitis. It’s not your fault.” Spencer says, scratching the back of his neck.

Y/n had called Saturday afternoon, the day before the duos scheduled date. She had been coughing and sniffling, saying she went to the Urgent Care near her earlier that morning because she was feeling off, and they said she had came down with a pretty bad case of bronchitis.

She kept apologizing and saying she’d make it up to Spencer as soon as she felt better.

Spencer tried not to take the date-canceling to heart. Y/n really was sick, she wouldn’t lie about that- would she? No, of course not. She wasn’t like that.

“Listen, don’t worry about it.” Spencer stopped pacing, “Just rest. That’s what you’ll need to feel better quicker.”

He heard her giggle lightly, causing him to smile, “Thanks, Doc.” He snickered at the nickname, “Hey, Spence,” he hummed in response, “I really do like you.” She said, causing his stomach to turn, “Please, don’t think I’m turning you down or anything. I really was looking forward to our date. And, I really do mean it when I say we’ll go on another one.”

He smiled to himself, putting one hand in the pocket of his jeans and swaying slightly, side to side, “Promise?”

“I promise.”

-

It had to be the right address. Spencer checked his phone for y/n’s previous message and confirmed it for the third time. He held his breath for a second, and licking his lips, he rang the doorbell again.

He felt bad that y/n had gotten bronchitis that just didn’t seem to go away for almost 5 days now. His first priority of Wednesday morning was to stop at a small Chinese spot and grab some soup.

Surprising her would be a small little thing he was hoping would make her happy. So, there he was. At y/n’s doorstep, soup in hand, ringing her bell, awaiting for her to open up.

He checked his watch again, and shuffled his feet. His stomach fluttered as soon as he heard shuffling from behind the door.

“I’m coming!” He heard her voice from inside. He played with the box of soup in hand, and bit his bottom lip anxiously. That’s when he heard a faint cry. Not her cry, though. A cry that seemed to belong to a small child. A baby, maybe. Spencer furrowed his brows, confused. “Baby, please, you have to lie down.” He heard y/n’s voice from a distance.

After some more shuffling around, the door before him opened. Y/n distractedly looked up at Spencer just to do a double take, shocked. “S-Spence? What- What are you doing here?” She asked, barely in frame of the open door.

He looked at her, unable to speak for a second. She fully came into view of him. She adjusted a small sleeping baby in her arms, the child’s head resting on her shoulder.

“I-um, I came to see you.” He spoke slowly, and quietly, “I bought soup.” He held up the box in his hands.

Y/n smiled, and just as she opened her mouth to reply, the baby she was holding began stirring causing her eyes to widen, “Come on in.” She whispered hastily, nodding to Spencer before going into her abode.

Spencer followed behind her, unsure of what exactly was happening. Questions were running through his head, but it was as if his body was working before his mind could catch up.

Y/n went straight to a small couch, and sat down, pulling her legs up, and cuddling the small child in her arms, wrapping the both of them up with a nearby shawl. Spencer’s heart warmed up at the sight, and he unknowingly smiled to himself.

He slowly walked towards the two when he heard a small but gruel cough come from the baby’s mouth.

“You’re... not the one that’s... sick?” He slowly pieced together, sitting on a couch opposing from the one y/n was on.

Y/n sighed quietly and licked her lips. Shaking her head, she stroked the small child’s hair, “No,” she looked up at Spence, “I’m not. They’re calling it bronchilitis, because he’s so young. It should be gone in about a week total, so at least 2 to 3 days left.” She swallowed hard. “It’s the first time he’s ever gotten sick, and I couldn’t just leave him with a sitter, which is why I had to stay back on our date. Im sorry,” she apologized in the midst of her ramble, “I just...” she paused before breaking eye contact with Spencer, “we don’t have anyone but each other.”

Spencer stayed silent for a moment. He watched y/n hold the baby close and his heart felt all heavy. It was a sight he didn’t think could affect him at all. But, something about a girl he was already infatuated with, being so protective and loving made him fall even deeper for her.

He just couldn’t form any words to express this to her, so he stared at the mother-son silently. That is, until the baby started coughing again. Y/n cringed at the way her son shook as he forced the cough out of his small body.

“I understand if you want to leave,” y/n spoke up, feeling Spencer’s eyes on her, “I shouldn’t have hid the fact that I’m a mother. It’s just, I know that some people would have seen it as,” she shrugged, “extra baggage, so I just refrain from saying it at all. I apologize.”

“You apologize far too much.” Spencer spoke without thinking for once, shocking himself and y/n. He stood up from his seat, and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans, “Does he, uh, drink soup?” Spencer asked nodding to the child.

Y/n cracked a small smile, “Adam,” she said, “and, yes, he actually is very fond of soup.”

Spencer nodded, before finding his way into the kitchen. As quietly as possible, he emptied the soup into a bowl, and plopped a decent looking spoon into it. Filling a small glass with water, he brought it out to y/n, who was now standing, pacing with a very upset looking Adam.

Spencer’s brows furrowed in worry.

“He’s fine,” y/n assured him, “just a little fussy. Don’t worry.”

“It’s tough, huh?” Spencer spoke, not sitting down until Adam had calmed, “Being a parent, I mean.”

Y/n had seated up the small one year-old next to her on the couch. She was slowly feeding him the soup, and although he was dozed off on meds, he slurped it up happily.

“Being a single parent is something I wasn’t ready for,” y/n admits, wiping some soup of Adams chin, “but, I love this monkey so much,” she scrunched her nose to her son, who gave a very sleepy smile in return, having Spencer laugh lightly, “I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

-

Spencer answered the third FaceTime call he had received in the past 5 minutes, “Hey, sorry I was in a meeting with Hotch, is everyth-” he cut his sentence short when he saw his girlfriends face tearstreaked on screen. “Oh, my god,is everything okay? Are you hurt? Is Adam okay?” He quickly rambled, his mind thinking the worst.

Y/n sniffled, “I’m fine, we’re fine,” she quickly answered, “just, wait-“ she quickly runs into a different room and Spencer can hear Adam babbling in the background. He smiles hear the child’s voice. “Watch this.” Y/n tells Spencer. She pulls up a photo, and shows it to her boyfriend first.

It was of the two of them on New Years Eve, happily smiling. Spencer was holding a very giggly Adam, and had his free arm wrapped around y/n’s waist.

She turns the photo to Adam, “Sweetheart,” she tries to grab her sons attention, “hey, Adam,” He looks up to her wide eyed, “you know who this is, baby?” She points to herself.

Adam starts clapping and smiling, “Mama! Mama!” Y/n starts tearing up all over again.

“Yes!” Spencer encourages the child, “Hey, good job!” He gets shushed by y/n quickly.

She points to Spencer in the photo and asks Adam, yet again, “Okay, sweety, and who’s this?” She ask, already ready to cry again.

Adam starts laughing and jumping in place, “Dada! Is dada!”

Spencer gasps, covering his agape mouth with one hand. “Did you teach him that?” He asks a very ecstatic y/n who shakes her head.

“No, he just started to point to the picture all by himself and talk.” She sniffled, leaving the room her son was sitting in.

“Well, one things for sure,” a very smiley Spencer admits happily, “he’s smart, just like his Mama.” He attempts a wink, causing y/n to laugh.

-

It was early. Y/n could feel the December brisk air seeping into the apartment, making her pull her duvet up to cover herself further. She felt a tug, as her boyfriend pulled her covers back from her.

“Hey,” She grumbled, “no hogging.” She whined causing Spence to turn to face her and snicker sleepily.

The two heard their bedroom door open slowly, and the slight pitter patter of small feet tip toe in.

“He’s awake.” Spencer whispered to his girlfriend, peeping one eye open.

“Brace yourself.” Y/n groaned, just seconds before the three year old attacker jumped on the bed. He bounced and he jumped and he laughed loudly, inevitably causing him the grown ups in bed to groan and slowly sit up in bed.

“Mama, Daddy! It’s Critthy Time! It’s Critthy time, now!!” He pumped his tiny fists into the air.

Spencer smiles, still trying to open both eyes, “Did Santa even get you any gifts? You’ve been been pretty naughty lately.” Y/n groans, covering her head with a pillow.

“So many! Daddy, there’s like,” Adam puts up 3 fingers carefully, “this many boxes with my name!!”

Spencer fake gasps causing the child to have a giggle fit, “Honey, Adam has been such an angel, I’m sure all of the gifts under the tree are his.” Spence pulls the pillow off y/n’s face receiving a groan from her. “Long night?” He smirks to her, causing her to stick her tongue out. Her cheeks slightly blushed as she remembered the... eventful night the two shared.

“I’m exhausted.” She sighed, sitting up and rubbing her tired eyes. Adam jumps out of the bed and runs to the living room. Spencer can’t help but smile at the little ones pajamas.

They were a mom-dad-child set. So all three of them were wearing the same red plaid winter pajamas. Spencer and y/n had gone to sleep in just the pants of the set, so before they went out to the Christmas tree, they made sure to put on the shirts as well.

Y/n groggily made her way to the sofas, and sat by the foot of one. Spencer made his way to the kitchen to put the coffee on before he sat beside y/n, his arm draping around her shoulders, and her resting her head on his chest.

Adam came up to y/n, putting his face a mere centimeters from hers, as grabs her shoulders by his small hands. “Can I open, now? Please?” He pouted to his mother.

She laughed and kissed her nose, “Of course, monkey. Let’s see what Santa got my big boy.” Adam cheered before running to the small pile of boxes under the decently lit tree.

He help up a box, and took it to Spencer first, having him nod in indication that it does in fact have Adams name on it. Happily he plops down right in front of y/n and starts to tear open the wrapping paper. The smell of coffee starts to fill the apartment, and Spencer gives y/n a kiss on the forehead before getting up to go to the kitchen.

“Mama?” Adam whispers to his mother, who simply hums at him in response, “You know, Daddy opened presents not asking you.” He said to y/n innocently.

She furrowed her brows, ruffling his hair, “What are you talking about, Pumpkin?”

“Daddy,” he repeats, “he took a small box and hid it in his jacket. He don’t want you to know. So, you can’t get mad.” He explained, although causing more confusion to his already confused mother.

Y/n had suspicions for a few months now. She once overheard Spencer on the phone with his colleagues, saying something along the lines of yeah man, I knew she was the one a while ago. Any day now. I’m just deciding on when.

Then, she was borrowing his phone once when Adam has dropped hers down the toilet, and when she opened Safari, she saw 2 tabs open. One that had been searching for unique and special rings, and the other that was searching, children’s tuxes and suits.

But, what really put the icing on the cake for her, was when the three of them were coming home late after one Spencer’s teammates wedding. Y/n had been tired so she was resting her head, with her eyes closed. Adam was already fast asleep, snoring lightly. Spencer has put his hand on y/n’s thigh, and when her being to tired to respond, translated into she’s asleep for him, he said the words that had been tugging at y/n’s heart since then.

“I can’t wait to marry you.”

Y/n unfolds her legs, and slowly gets up, “Mama’s gonna go check on Daddy,” she informs her child, “I’ll be right back.” She kisses the top of his hair.

She goes into the kitchen to see two mugs with steaming coffee in them, but no Spencer in sight. She furrows her brows, and turns to head into the bedroom, looking for her boyfriend. Glancing over her room she fails to see him again. She frowns slightly, and turns around on her heels, almost falling over her own feet when she bumps into Spencer right behind her.

“You scared me.” She frightenedly giggles, putting a hand over her heart. “I was looking for- What... are you doing?” She narrows her eyes at him when he takes a step back, and gets down on one knee. She sees a paper and a small box in his hand.

Her breathing fastens, watching his every move, “I was planning on doing this on New Years, at Rossi’s house party,” Spencer started off, “but, my surprise seems to have been foiled.” He nervously laughs. “Y/n,” him saying her name causes her eyes to start tearing up, “You came into my life unexpectedly,” he says, “but, I decided a long time ago, that you were definitely the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” He looked over his shoulder to Adam, then back to y/n, “Both of you.” He inhaled as y/n’s bottom lip trembled, “Y/n,” she whimpers in response, biting her bottom lip, “will you do me the honor of making me your husband, and the official father of Adam?”

Y/n in the midst of her crying, sniffles and cocks her head, confused. She walks closer to Spencer, pulling him to stand up. He hands her the piece of paper and opens the small box in his hands.

A beautiful ring shone brightly in Spencers hands, and adoption papers shook in y/n’s hands.

1 very cold wedding, 2 additional siblings to Adam and a kitten later; and still, Spencer refused to tell y/n what type of coffee he would get for her when they go out.

-

I kinda like this mmm we’ll see my opinion change in a few days lol

[ssoultossoul]

THE „CORONA” SCHOOL AND THE „PAUPER” TEACHER

It’s been almost a year since we got the news that we’re staying home because of the “crowned” pandemics that exploded over the world. As was normal, most of us enjoyed the unexpected vacation. Until the teachers became unhinged and adapted to the situation imposed overnight, we used the occasion to take a break from the intense social life at school. But we looked forward to going back to school after the summer break and endured the disappointment of being sent home again.

I will start by saying that, in my opinion, the interest of teachers in teaching us is almost zero, with small exceptions that strengthen the rule. That's how it was at school, and it’s even worse online.

The most common problem is teachers’ getting into classes. The class starts, let’s say, at sharp hour. The teacher comes in at half-time. Or he doesn't get to class at all. Or they come at the end, tell us what we have to prepare for next time (probably even steal our break for that) and... leaves. No excuses, no explanations. If this should happen once a year or once a semester, it wouldn't be a bad thing, but for some of them it's a habit. Online, it's like things are worse. Teachers are totally unprepared. We hear quite often that they don’t know how to load the course support, or don’t have the material at hand or they lack other materials for the course. Without covering the teaching gaps that are caused by online teaching, it makes the situation difficult and burry us in superficiality. I understand that we are human, that everyone does their job as they see fit but I am disturbed by the lack of respect for us and on this matter a lot of us are upset.

Like the teacher, I'm also a human being. Respect starts from a person's attitude towards you. From the small gestures, from the basic education, you can see if the man in front of you, with whom you need to have a relationship, respects you or not. And our training somehow depends on these people, who we hear and listen to every day. As interested and careful as I am, attending a class - in any kind of environment, whether online or at school - it’s not like watching a TV show. Because I feel like that's not what teaching is. The relationship between teacher and student must be one of communication, in which the teacher prepares in advance what he wants to teach me and gives forth the information he already has. If he did that, I understand and I can prepare myself for the next hour. And I think that goes for everyone. 

If I don't have a notebook for his subject matter and I don't take notes, or I stop him from talking because I don't have anything to write with or I haven't opened my manual, if I'm late for class or my phone rings in class, or if I talk back to him, he'll punish me. And it would be normal for him to punish me, because that kind of behavior defines my disrespect for him, and I have to learn to respect people around me. But when I don't make these mistakes and he does them, how can I punish him?

[emeraldwaves]

Title: A Hint of Something Magical Pairing: Jerejean, Alvarez/Laila Rating: T Word Count: 4059 Ao3 Summary: Being with the Trojans is a very different experience for Jean. They're happy and friendly, everything Jean believes he's not. He soon learns that even someone as bright as Jeremy Knox has a deep, unexpected obsession. The first fic in a small jerejean series i’m working on about them at disneyland <3. Full fic under the cut

Standing in the middle of Main Street, U.S.A at Disneyland, Jean feels overwhelmed. There are too many people hitting against his shoulder, bumping into his side, and he tries not to panic. Kids dash in front of him, laughing, not paying attention. By the front store to the left, a baby starts wailing and Jean resists the urge to cover his ears.

The worst part is, he's here by mistake. Not that he casually stumbled into Disneyland, but he made the mistake of saying he had never been in front of Jeremy Knox.

And unbeknownst to Jean, rule #1 of being a Trojan is to never mention Disneyland in front of their captain.

Which, of course, happened earlier in the week.

"You know," Jeremy explains, "Indiana Jones. The ride at Disneyland. Bumpy, dark, a little thrilling, totally worth waiting in the line even when it breaks down. One of the best rides in the park."

Jean's not sure if this is a compliment or an insult. "Are you comparing my play style to a ride?" he asks.

"Uh, yeah," Jeremy smiles, so genuine, so real. Jean's still not used to his demeanor; his whole sunshine personality is overwhelming. "One of the best in the park! Or do you disagree?"

Okay, apparently it’s a compliment.

"Uhm," Jean shifts his weight and he catches eyes with Laila and Alvarez who immediately start swiping their hands in front of their throats. He's not sure what that means, but he looks back to Jeremy who's blue eyes are eagerly shimmering, waiting for his answer. "I have never been to Disneyland."

"I knew it," Laila says.

"Uh oh," Alvarez sighs.

"We're officially doomed," Laila mutters, leaning against Alvarez dramatically.

Jeremy's eye twitches and he shakes his head. "No," he laughs awkwardly. "What? You've been in California this long and you still... you mean even before this you've... never..."

Jean tilts his head, confused by what Jeremy is doing. It looks like this is impossible for him to process. He blinks a few times, staring incredulously at Jean.

"Jeremy.exe has stopped running," Alvarez snorts. "We tried to warn you, Moreau."

Ah, the hand signal must have been some sort of warning. He logs that away to remember for the future.

Jean glances at the girls, but it seems this situation is a lost cause. "I wasn't allowed to leave the Nest unless..." he trails off, not wanting to expand on that topic anymore than he has to. He has been avoiding discussing the Nest in depth. There are so few happy memories there, and the last thing he wants to do is bring down the Trojans with his unhappy stories. They deal with his outbursts and frustrations enough.

"Shit," Jeremy mutters. "You really haven't been." He looks like he's still in shock. Shaking his head, he slams the bottom of his stick against the court and Jean jumps back a little. "This is unacceptable," Jeremy says, and shoves his hand into the pocket of his shorts. He pulls out a little card, decorated with the faces of Mickey, Donald and Goofy. "This weekend, we're going to Disneyland."

"I knew it," Laila says, a soft sigh slipping from her lips.

"Do you really keep your annual pass in the pocket of your shorts?" Alvarez snorts, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah!" Jeremy smirks. "You gotta be prepared for impromptu Disney trips at all times."

Jean blinks, watching the scene unfold. So far Jeremy has been one of the most relaxed exy players he's ever come across. He's incredibly talented, focused, a light of positive energy on the court. He has this way of making Jean feel he can do anything, even when he's angry and trapped in his old habits. Jeremy makes him feel like someday he can break them.

But this...

This is the most intense Jean has seen Jeremy in a long while.

"It's okay-" Jean begins to say.

"NO!" Jeremy yells, immediately cutting him off. He leans in towards Jean, gripping the pass in his hands. "It's Trojan tradition to go before the official start of the season anyway. We'll buy you a pass, and you can experience the happiest place on earth!"

Jean doesn't like the sound of that. It seems like the opposite of everything he is. He swallows and glances at the card. "Aren't those expensive?"

"Jean, don't worry about it," he says, placing a hand on Jean's shoulder. He gives it a gentle squeeze, the most physical contact Jeremy ever has with Jean. He sees him hug the girls and many of their other players, he high fives them and pulls them into huddles, but he always leaves Jean alone, letting him have whatever space he might need. This is as close as he'll get to physical contact right now. "I think you deserve a little happiness."

Jeremy smiles, and Jean still doesn't know how to say no. When Jeremy gets all smiley and excited, Jean's not sure he wants to.

And that's how he ends up at Disneyland, surrounded by far too many people, trying not panic.

"Jean!" Jeremy waves, and rushes back to where Jean waits at the top of Main Street, Laila and Alvarez right behind him. "What are you doing?" he asks. He's got on red and gold Mickey ears, the USC colors adorning his head. Jean thinks he looks kind of foolish, but then again, the majority of the people are walking down the street with varying colors and styles of these strange ears.

"I... Je... Je... me sens dépassé," he whispers, switching to his mother tongue. He doesn't want to disappoint Jeremy, especially when he seemed so excited to take him here.

"Okay," Jeremy says, obviously not understanding "I was gonna wait, but I do have a surprise for you."

He flips his backpack around, unzipping it to pull out a matching pair of ears. Laila and Alvarez have the same ones, the Trojan colors. It must be some sort of team thing they do. The ears look stupid, but Jean doesn't want to complain.

"Tada!" Jeremy says, reaching upward to place them on his head. "I got these custom made for you, so you can match us. Official Trojan member," he smiles. "You have to wear them when we come to the park!"

Jean blinks, adjusting the awkward way the headband sits on his head. "Have to. I understand," he mutters. This must be another sort of Trojan rule. In many ways, the Trojans are the exact opposite of the Ravens, but he supposes they do have some things they do as part of their team rituals. He can't complain. As silly as the ears look, they're not painful to wear, and Jeremy seems excited about it. Jean can handle this.

"Yup!" Jeremy smiles and nods, until he stops suddenly. "Oh. Oh! No!" he gasps and lunges forward, yanking the ears off his head and throwing them in the opposite direction, the headband flying down Main Street.

"Not again," Laila sighs.

"I chased after the last pair he threw," Alvarez grumbles.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Laila says, jogging after the headband set.

Jean blinks, glancing from Jeremy's upset face to Laila jogging down through the crowd. He has many questions, unsure of what just happened, and why it, apparently, has happened before.

"Jean," Jeremy says, looking intently in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have done that. You don't have to do anything. Never. I promise. If you hate the ears you don't have to wear them."

Swallowing, Jean stares at Jeremy, still completely baffled. "...What?"

"I don't ever want you to feel like... you have to do something. We... I, will never ask you to do something you don't want. We are not the Ravens."

Jean doesn't know how to respond. No one has ever said anything like this to him before. The Ravens always looked through him, just as Riko instructed. He was their property. No one has ever looked at him like he's a person; with feelings and thoughts, opinions.

It's overwhelming.

Everything about this place is overwhelming, and yet something about the sincere way Jeremy is looking at him grounds him. 'You're not there anymore. You're here. Isn't this place perfect proof of your freedom?'

"I..." he starts to say, but Laila jogs up, gripping the headband in her hand.

She pants, rolling her eyes. "They made it all the way to the Starbucks."

"I think that's a new record," Alvarez mumbles.

"Here," she says, holding them out to Jeremy, but Jean leans forward and yanks them from her hand before Jeremy can grab them.

"Hey- Jean! I just said-"

He places the headband atop his head, the red and gold ears looking just as ridiculous as they do on everyone else. "I will wear them." He supposes he's starting to fit in.

Jeremy's cheeks flush, or maybe the sunlight hits his skin at just the right angle. He's a beacon for things like that, Jean's noticed. "O-Okay," he stammers. "But only if you want to."

Jean nods, and Jeremy stares at him, as if he's waiting for Jean to change his mind. When he doesn't move, Jeremy clears his throat and zips up his backpack, flinging it over his shoulder.

"Anyway, we're riding Indiana Jones first, because I need Jean to understand what I mean." Jeremy says, leading the group down Main Street.

Jean continues to follow them down the street. It's hard to believe this is a place people actually enjoy and find fun. Kids are wailing to their parents, the colors on the buildings are practically blinding underneath the California sun, loud music plays over the speakers and it’s so artificially happy.

Laila snorts, bringing Jean back to the group. "Yeah, because one ride on Indy is really going to give Jean the full scope of what you meant."

"What did you say anyway?" Alvarez asks.

"Bumpy, dark, a little thrilling, totally worth waiting in the line even when it breaks down," Jean repeats the words perfectly.

"Woah, you really took that to heart," Jeremy says, glancing back toward him.

Jean nods, and Jeremy twists his lips. He looks nervous and Jean wonders if maybe Jeremy thinks he's upset about the analogy. He's not. He just doesn't understand it, though knowing Jeremy, it's anything but offensive.

"I don't know if Jean will get the full experience if the ride doesn't break down," Laila says, forcing Jeremy's gaze away from Jean.

"Who are you kidding," Alvarez scoffs. "Indy breaks down once a day."

"True," Jeremy nods. "If we're lucky, we'll get stuck on the ride." He laughs loudly, far too excited about something that sounds bad. Maybe there are some things about the Trojans Jean will never understand.

"That's a good thing?" he asks tentatively. He can feel a story bubbling on the edge of Jeremy's lips, can sense it in the twinkle of his blue eyes.

"Oh yeah," Jeremy says. "If you get stuck on the ride, sometimes you get-" He pauses dramatically, looking toward both of the girls.

"Ride evac-ed..." The girls say in unison, rather flatly.

"Ride evac-ed!" Jeremy repeats with far more energy than the other two.

"Ride... E... vacked?" Jean says, trying to repeat the word back to them but it's next to impossible. He prays this isn't him being terrible at English.

"A glorious moment we all hope to achieve," Jeremy sighs.

"It's when the ride closes down and you get stuck on the track so they have to escort you out," Laila explains.

"And that's cool because sometimes you get to see backrooms of the ride you wouldn't normally see," Alvarez adds. Neither of them seem to be on the same level of excitement as Jeremy.

Then again, Jean has never seen anyone this excited about a theme park before. Actually, maybe he's never seen anyone this excited about anything. Riko's excitement was twisted and deranged. Jeremy's is pure, like the many children rushing around them.

"It happened once on Indy before," Jeremy says.

"But we got stuck right at the beginning so they just walked us back to where they load the ride," Laila sighs. "Jeremy's dreams, thwarted."

"Only partially!" Jeremy interjects, turning left under a wooden sign that reads Adventureland. "We were stuck there long enough for us to take selfies with Mara! It's on my Instagram!"

Jean has no idea what Jeremy's talking about, but he's obviously proud of this achievement.

The three continue to chat casually about the ride and other rides they've gotten stuck on. Jean is mostly confused by the fact that they've seemingly entered some sort of jungle. Some monkey noise echoes from a speaker and Jean jumps, glancing around.

"Different parts of the park have different themes," Alvarez explains, noting Jean's clear confusion. He's noticed Alvarez is talented at reading people, though she often seems standoffish at times. It makes him wary, like she could peer into his soul and know everything about the Ravens and Riko, just by looking at him. "This is Adventureland. There's Frontierland, Fantasyland, and Tomorrowland. Then there are other sections like The French Quarter," she pauses and blinks, "like, uh, New Orleans, not actual France," she says, gesturing to him.

"Ah," he mutters. It would've been interesting to see what their take on France would be.

"Yeah, if you want actual France you gotta go to Florida," Laila interrupts. She turns around and links her arm with Alvarez, the two now walking side by side.

"I thought if you wanted actual France you would just... go to France," Jean says.

Laila nods. "Yeah, but I mean if you want Disney France-"

"Disneyland Paris?!" Jeremy suggests.

"I prefer regular France," Jean states.

"Well, yeah I'm sure France is... amazing. I wanna go someday!"

Jean swallows the words he was about to say. 'I'll take you.' He doubts Jeremy would want to go to France with him.

"I gotta stop at Disneyland Paris," Jeremy sighs and suddenly halts, looking up at a sign. "Hey! A 45 minute wait. Not bad."

Jean blinks. They're about to be in this line for 45 minutes and that's 'not bad.'

He really does not understand Disneyland.

"Hell yes," Alvarez smirks. Her and Jeremy high five, making their way into the long, winding line.

"Oh, Jean, you should know, it is Jeremy's dream to go to all the Disney parks around the world," Laila explains. "You should keep that in mind."

"Keep that in mind?" he asks, stopping before he enters the line with her. "Why?"

"Y-Y'know," she says, shrugging. She doesn't stop to let Jean answer either. She dashes off, Jean following behind to not get separated from the group.

He wants to ask where the other parks are, but decides to just look it up later. He knows if he asks, it'll become a long and involved thing.

It seems he's found Jeremy Knox's crazy and it's Disneyland.

The line shockingly doesn't take as long as Jean expects. Once they get to the indoor part of the queue, Laila yanks on a rubber pole, making the room flash with light. Jean jumps, but Alvarez jumps more, punching her girlfriend in the arm. The two of them laugh, and Laila leans in for a kiss, but Alvarez pushes her face away. Jeremy's laughing with them, in on the joke despite being the third wheel.

There's something... enjoyable... about listening to Jeremy, Laila and Alvarez chat. They're friends. They enjoy spending time with each other, and it's not forced. No one says they have to do this. They're choosing to 'hang out', all of their own volition.

It makes Jean tense. There's no way he will ever be able to live like this.

"Hey," Jeremy says, interrupting his thoughts. "You okay?" He walks up a set of stairs backward, the line splitting off into two. "I know you've never been to a theme park, but I promise the rides here aren't that bad. I mean, kids like 'em."

Jeremy babbles a little when he's nervous, Jean's noticed. Usually when he thinks he's upset Jean, or is doing something wrong. He rarely is, but somehow he cares enough to get nervous about it.

The ride hasn't really crossed Jean's mind. He assumes it'll be over faster than he can blink, and he assumes he'll wonder why he waited 45 minutes for 10 seconds of minor thrills.

"I'm fine," he says. "You do not need to worry about me."

"Again, I just... don't want you to feel like you're being forced to be here," he says.

"I don't," Jean nods.

Jeremy smiles, clearly happy again, Jean's words erasing his worries. "Okay, you can be honest with me though. Just, uh, want you to know that."

"I will be," Jean says. Whether or not he can actually speak up is a whole different story. But they came here to ride some of the rides and that's what they'll do.

They get loaded into the back row of the large car and Jean pulls the seat belt over his lap. He's in the middle, between Jeremy and Alvarez. Laila has to sit on a certain side of the car because she "hates the snake part."

"Oh!" Jeremy says, and he reaches up to pull the ears off of Jean's head. His fingers touch the tips of Jean's ears and he sucks in a breath rapidly, not expecting the touch. It's always so gentle, but still Jean flinches. "Here." Jeremy places the ears into the backpack in the small pocket in front of him. "I'll hold onto these."

For some odd reason, Jean's heart is throbbing in his ears. It must be the anticipation of the ride.

The ride is, more or less, exactly as Jeremy described. It's bumpy, for sure. Dark. And just a little thrilling. The car whips them around and Jean grips the bar in front of him, worried he'll be flung from the car. The snakes part isn't even that scary, so he doesn't get why Laila was so freaked out. Most of the ride is a little cheesy, fake flames, skulls, and bugs. However, Jean screams at the end, ducking his head when it looks like the boulder is about to roll toward them.

"You thought we were gonna get hit," Jeremy teases, stepping off of the ride.

"No-"

"You did, Moreau," Alvarez says. "You held your head and ducked."

"And screamed," Laila adds, a devilish smirk appears on her lips.

Jean pouts, glancing away from the group. He folds his arms over his chest.

"Don't worry," Laila laughs. "I thought the same thing the first time I rode it."

"Yes, but you were also scared of the snakes," Jean points out.

It's Laila's turn to pout and she lets out a sigh. "Betrayed. And here I was helping you look better."

The group starts the long trek back up on the exit pathway and Jeremy runs ahead with Laila, the two of them racing up the slight incline after complaining about how it's the longest exit path of any ride in the park.

Alvarez walks back with Jean and he notes how her gaze doesn't leave Laila, her dark eyes glistening with joy. She doesn't seem as outwardly emotional as Laila, but the two of them balance each other well.

Suddenly, she glances toward Jean. "You know, this is Jeremy's happy place."

"Isn't it called 'the happiest place on Earth'?" Jean snorts, watching as the sunlight pours in from the spaces on the partially covered walkway. Jeremy is jogging, just barely ahead of Laila, and his blond hair brushes against his forehead. It looks like his cheeks are glittering, and his smile is somehow outshining the California sun. He looks like a walking commercial for this place.

"Well, yeah, but especially for Jeremy. I think it would make him so happy if you really enjoyed it with him," Alvarez says, her gaze turned back towards her teammates. "I know you don't wanna talk about it. None of us are gonna ask, but we're here for you. We want you to have a good time here in California. Jeremy especially."

Especially? There are many questions burning on his tongue, but Jean doesn't want to speak. He doesn't want to ruin this sliver of happiness by bringing up any old memories.

"Yeah," he mutters.

"You don't have to say anything. Just have fun," she winks, and starts to run with the others.

Jean doesn't feel like running, but he does it anyway, meeting the group at the exit to the ride.

They stand, chatting away, laughing and Jean freezes. He almost doesn't want to approach them, scared he's going to barge in on something that doesn't involve him. The Trojans feel like this foreign entity, unfamiliar, uncharted water. They are people, so normal, so calm, and he is... him.

He doesn't really know how to be a person.

Jeremy turns and waves at him. "Jean!" he calls out, urging him forward. Jeremy wants him there, doesn't want to leave Jean behind. As much as Jean fights against it, or doesn't understand it, Jeremy makes him a person.

"Doesn't that hill suck?" Jeremy asks, and the question is so simple, yet genuine.

Jean honestly didn't even notice the walk back up, but he nods anyway. "Yeah," he says, the hint of a chuckle in his breath.

"Let's ride Pirates!" Laila cheers, thrusting her hands into the air. She grabs Alvarez's hand and starts pulling her towards the pathway.

"Hell yes!" Jeremy says, but freezes for a minute. "Hey..." He purses his lips, as though he's stopping himself from blurting out a barrage of thoughts. "Uh, hopefully now that you've ridden it you see what I mean?"

Jean blinks. Right. The whole reason they went on this ride in the first place was because Jeremy compared his exy playing style to this very ride.

"I really did mean it as a compliment, so if you hated the ride then I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Jeremy," Jean says. It's rare he says Jeremy's name out loud, but when he does, it feels really smooth on his tongue, like it was meant to roll off it without any problems. "I get it."

"You do?" Jeremy asks, perking up like an adorable puppy.

"Yeah... I know I've been difficult-"

"No!" Jeremy says, quickly interrupting him. "I-I mean... look I just... I know it's not gonna be smooth sailing right away. I don't expect it to be, but that's part of the ride. It makes things interesting and fun, and Jean I just... I really want you to know I think you're worth it," he says.

Jean's cheeks feel like they're burning. No one has ever said he was worth anything, not in this way. He was property before, but Jeremy means it differently. His voice is gentle, his expression tender. Jean has no idea what to say.

Maybe Jeremy understands that, or maybe he's not looking for a response. Either way, he digs into his backpack and pulls out the red and gold ears. "Here, these are yours," Jeremy smiles.

Reaching out, Jean takes the ears back from Jeremy, their fingers brushing together for a moment. Jeremy's hand is so warm and Jean wishes he had the courage to lace their fingers together, squeeze Jeremy's hand so tight, and thank him as genuinely as he can.

 'Thank you for looking at me.'

 'Thank you for not giving up on me.'

Instead, Jean grips the ears in his hand, holding them tightly. "I'm glad I didn't lose them."

"Yeah," Jeremy laughs, smiling the widest he has all day, if that's even possible. "I'm glad you didn't either." He stares at him again, his blue eyes taking all of Jean in. Normally someone's gaze would make Jean cringe and curl in on himself, but Jeremy pulls him in with a warmth and a comfort Jean wants to cling to.

"Let's catch up with the girls," Jeremy says, gesturing towards the path they ran off on.

Jean nods and slowly lifts the ears onto his head, following after Jeremy.

He's not sure if he's a Trojan yet. Maybe he won't ever be one fully. But if Jeremy keeps offering him his hand, Jean is going to keep reaching for it. Jean likes to think that's a step in the right direction.

[gilbirda]

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Chapter 8: Crime and Punishment

Bog couldn’t believe this. Or anything that was happening.

As he walked down the hallways to the Director’s office, flashbacks of what he saw back at the Library haunted him.

Roland. Marianne’s ex.

He had never met or seen the boy, as he didn’t spend a lot of time out of his Library - and the boy didn’t look like the type that read much anyways -, so he didn’t have a solid opinion about him. But one glance at his perfect blond hair and his perfect smile, and he got shivers brought by painful memories. He was the type of boy that mocked him the most when he was in high school.

Did really Marianne date that? Well, she said that he was handsome and that she was young and stupid; but the girl he knew would punch people like Roland in the face without many regrets. How different was the girl he was falling in love with - because he wasn’t going to lie to himself, he did love her - from the Queen on the school she once was?

He was thinking something along those lines when he heard her yelp in surprise back at the door of the Library. He moved to look around the shelf he was hiding behind, stopping himself just in time to not reveal that he was listening. Bog peeked slowly and watched as the girl was pulled into the boy’s chest, maybe, as he couldn’t see very well from that far.

He frowned. He couldn’t see her face from his position, but she didn’t seem to put up a fight when Roland touched her in a way that he knew she didn’t like, without much respect of her personal boundaries. He wondered what they were talking about, whispering so low that it wouldn’t get to his ears.

Bog was ready to step in, maybe comment something about Marianne having some work to do or any lie to help her out of the situation, when two things happened at the same time: one, Roland gently cupped her face and, as he looked at him directly in the eyes, he leaned down to kiss Marianne; and then the message that he was needed at the Director’s office echoed on the hallways.

It was like something snapped inside of him and the world stopped turning to make the walk by the teenagers an eternity. He felt numb, disconnected, unable to thread two thoughts properly in a decent phrase. Marianne, Roland, the school… nothing made sense. He refused to look back at them, too afraid to see her eyes one more time, too afraid to see the mockery in her lovely golden shade.

Still feeling a bit numb, he knocked on the Director’s office’s door and waited until the secretary opened it, walked past her and made a beeline to the room where he didn’t want to be right now. He suspected what was going on already, not that it took a genius to realize that he had been tricked one more time.

“Boggart, I must say I’m disappointed,” Director Dagda said without a greeting. “I’ve been told some disturbing news about you.”

Bog swallowed hard and breathed in, his heart about to explode from the anxiety. “Is that so?” Dagda nodded slowly, his hands clenching and unclenching on top of his desk.

“I’ve heard that you have been involved in some… illegal activities with my daughter,” it was obvious that the man was trying hard not to break character. “Is it true?”

“No, sir.”

“I don’t believe you!” Dagda answered fast, slamming his hand on the desk. “What did you do to her on that Library?”

“We just sorted books, sir,” Bog looked behind the other man to the ceiling to floor windows. The sky was clear and the sun looked warm, but his body felt like trapped inside a snowstorm.

“But you can’t prove it.”

This time Bog looked at him, frowning. “How could I?”

“Look, even if you were right and nothing happened, we still have to investigate it, ok?” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course, Marianne will cease her work with you and by any circumstance you can’t get near her. You hear me!?”

“Crystal clear,” Bog whispered, already feeling like any bit of happiness he may have gathered was breaking down along with his battered heart.

***

When he got out of the office, he almost bumped into the object of his despair.

“Bog? What happened?”

“Don’t get near me,” he grumbled without stopping or looking at her.

“Hey! Wait!” she run to him, surprised by his change of behaviour. “Are you alright?”

“Stop that,” Bog still didn’t look at her.

“What?”

“Stop this charade, Marianne. I already know what’s going on!” He was the one that stopped in the deserted hallway in front of a very confused Marianne. “You don’t have to fake it anymore!”

“Fake it? What are you talking about?” the girl lifted a hand in his direction, trying to comfort him, but he slapped it away.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” The man growled. “I won’t be a fool again!”

She felt her heart break, not understanding what was going on. He took her silence as a confirmation.

“You - You played me!” his voice came out a bit breathy, but he kept talking. “I knew it was a bad idea coming here! All of you teenagers are the same!”

“I don’t know what you are upset about, but listen -!”

“No,” Bog tried to calm down. Even if they haven’t had company yet it was a matter of time before someone came and saw them talking. “You are different than the others. You are a better actress. Good job, Marianne! I really thought you loved me!” he whispered, and for a moment the girl was truly afraid by his face. His hair was all over the place and his eyes sparkled with dangerous feelings she never wanted to see in him.

Without waiting for an answer, the man turned back and left her there more confused than before. The image of his back as he walked far from her burned in her memory.

“Marianne?” she heard her father’s secretary’s voice coming from the opened door. She was looking at her as she stood under the doorway, a tiny smile on her painted lips. “Your father wants to see you.”

She nodded.

As she walked inside the office she felt hot and cold at the same time. In her mind echoed Roland’s words as well as Bog’s, making her wonder if she was trapped in some kind of nightmare. It started good, she was happy, and now it hurts more than when she found out that the entire school was laughing behind her back.

“Hi, sweetheart,” her father’s voice greeted her, but it did little to make her focus on what was in front of her. “Please, sit down.”

She did so mechanically.

“I know what happened. Roland told me,” she blinked into existence again at his words.

“What?” her throat felt dry.

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore, dear. That man won’t bother you again.” Dadga placed one hand on hers, but she withdrew faster than lightning.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Marianne frowned.

“Language,” the father narrowed his eyes, but she didn’t seem any less angry. “And I’m talking about Boggart. I know he tried to take advantage of you but -”

“Roland told you?” the girl was breathing hard, standing up abruptly and pushing the chair to the floor in the process. The world was spinning around her at full speed. “And you believe him!?”

“Why are you so upset?” Dadga looked up to his standing daughter, confusion painting his features. “And yeah, why would he lie? He always took care of you.”

Marianne wanted to scream, to fight. Anything! She was the only one that knew that Roland was a bastard that wouldn’t hesitate to lie to keep up his image, but her father couldn’t see past the façade.

“You know nothing!” she growled, her hands in fists at her sides. “Roland is lying, dad. He is nothing but a bastard that -”

“That’s it!” the Director stood up and slammed a hand on the desk. “You are going home and you are going to reflect on your behaviour! I have allowed it all this time it because I knew that you had to burn that phase, but enough is enough! Roland is not a bad guy and all this,” he made a gesture in her direction, her clothes, her makeup, her angry pose, “theatrics are totally unnecessary!”

“Then leave Bog out of this! He hadn’t done anything wrong!”

“Stop defending him!” he screamed. God, how far had that man eaten her willpower? What have he done to make her defend her aggressor? “If that… man tried to take advantage of you, then it’s time to speak up and stop this nonsense!”

“I can’t believe this,” Marianne said, shaking her head. “Do you really not believe me?”

“Look, uh,” Dadga sighed. “I’m tired. Of all of this. I don’t want this situation as much as you do, dear, but -”

“I can’t believe you,” she put her hands on her hair, pulling at the roots in frustration. “I’m - I’m done. With you. With this school. You guys are crazy.” She laughed softly not really looking at him.

“What are you talking about?” he said as he watched his daughter take a step back, her eyes showing the look of a haunted woman when she directed their full force on him..

“I’ve put up with this because of Dawn, you know?” she smiled softly, not looking at him anymore even if her eyes were placed on him. “But this is enough. I don’t care anymore.” She turned to leave, but Dadga jumped to stop her, grabbing her arm.

She got free with a violent tug, looking up at him with her burning eyes, pure disgust in the deep golden brown. That alone made him stop fighting to keep her in her place.

“Don’t.” She whispered, her voice a mere broken breath, but it was enough.

Her father froze in place, unable to move his body once again to stop his daughter as she walked out of the room. He was confused and a bit scared, feelings he had never associated with Marianne before. This conversation went in a completely different direction than he had expected, but he couldn’t find the moment it went wrong no matter how much he went back to every word he said.

What the hell was happening?

***

The next day, Marianne didn’t go to school. She had been crying all night and when morning came she couldn’t find the strength to move out of bed. She heard her father try to wake her up and make her go to school, but Dawn remained firm on her door and didn’t allow it. Marianne was thankful for that. At least someone didn’t need proof that Roland wasn’t what he seemed to be to believe her.

She went through the motions as she roamed around the house, her mind thinking about what happened and how mad she was with everyone, even Bog. Specially him. He never let her explain herself and also let himself be consumed by his doubts and his prejudices even after everything they shared together.

Maybe she had been truly a fool for believing that there was something else for her out there. That this time would be different.

Maybe she had just to let go the idea of being happy, at least for the time being. She would let the months pass and would go far away from all this pain, and hope that someday it would hurt less. She wished that it was that easy, not feeling anything, becoming numb to the world and let the days blend with each other. Maybe if she stopped caring she wouldn’t have to feel like this.

That night, when she went to bed again, she didn’t cry. Because she wasn’t going to be the fool of the story again.

***

When Bog learned that Marianne hadn’t come to school the next day, a tiny part of his heart was sick with worry. Something had happened to her? Maybe she was really ill the previous day and it had worsened with all the drama.

But no, he wasn’t going to waste time on that deceiver witch. He just shook his head and let the other teachers gossip about the issue in peace. It didn’t matter to him, he was probably going to be kicked out sooner or later by the way that the teachers avoided him like the plague. They knew, of course, and by now he probably was some kind of child molester to their eyes.

“Bog,” he looked up from his book to find that eccentric art teacher. The rest of the staff had left the lounge. How weird. When did the bell ring? “Are the rumours true?” she asked softly.

He glared at her.

“Why do you care?” She just smiled at his behaviour. Aura adjusted the bag on her shoulder.

“Because I don’t believe them.”

Bog scoffed. “That’s a first.”

“Don’t believe them too, Bog,” her smile turned sad. “Or they’ll consume you.”

He kept glaring at her but didn’t answer. The teacher opened her mouth like she wanted to say something else, but thought better of it and turned to leave the room, letting Bog behind in the lounge.

The librarian closed the book he had been trying to read and took off his glasses, feeling the headache coming. He hadn’t slept very well that night and it was going to be a living hell for him today. Hiding in his Library never sounded like such a good idea before.

Next day, Marianne finally went to school. She spoke less than before, and tried to become even more invisible than what was possible. Her eyes went dark cold and any time that people crossed glances with her they looked elsewhere without knowing exactly why.

Dawn was worried for her sister, but didn’t do much to take her out of her new persona. She didn’t know what happened to her two days ago, but maybe she didn’t want to. Whatever it was seemed bad enough to take her to the limit, breaking her in the process. It was sad to watch that spark that came with her new love be gone overnight.

This was way worse than what happened with Roland, because at least back then her sister tried to be cheerful around her.

***

Bog watched mindlessly as the kids walked around the inner courtyard at lunchtime. Why was he doing that instead of the big pile of work waiting for him on the tables? He wasn’t sure. Maybe it was that the teachers commented that Marianne was back to school and he hoped to see her one last time before having to leave the school. His rational part was screaming in his ear that he was being stupid for this, that she was the one that used him for her own gain, that giving her the attention was a mistake.

Whatever the case, here he was, waiting for her to appear any moment.

And there she was, walking down the courtyard with her lunch bag in one hand and a book in the other, sitting down on a tree that was in a weird angle from his window, but still visible.

He watched her sit down under the shade of the tree, open her bag and take a small bite of her sandwich as she looked for the page she had been reading on the book. For anyone else she would have looked like her usual self, but he knew her and he could see that her pose was tense and her movements were robotic, unnatural. And her eyes… they had never looked so devoid of emotion before.

It was then that he realized that they were looking at each other. She was frowning, but she didn’t seem eager to stop the eye-contact, or at least as much as he did. Bog put a hand on the glass, feeling his heart starting to beat a little faster, hating that she still had that kind of power over him.

He didn’t know what kind of face he had in that moment, but Marianne winced and shook her head before gathering her things and standing up to eat somewhere else.

Bog woke up from his spell and frowned. He knew that it should be weird that she wasn’t with her handsome ex-boyfriend, maybe not an “ex” by now, but she probably had a reason for that. Who knows. It didn’t matter anymore.

She didn’t matter anymore.

[softschnappi]

Find Me Somebody To Love

Pairing: Richie and Will (DUH it’s me)

A/N: I’m very disappointed with the new season of Stranger things, particularly the Will content but at least we got some new scenes which prompted me to write a Ryers fic. Which is this. And many more. I made Mileven a thing in this because I really don’t care anymore fuck it’s lowkey tho

Warnings: there’s really no spoilers but just to be safe spoiler warning, swearing

Description: Mike tries to talk to Will about getting a girlfriend, but Will isn’t having it. He storms off, and nobody knows where he is for a few days. Worried, the party consults El to find Will and make sure he’s safe. But what they find is very unexpected…

“I just feel bad,” Mike started, licking his cookies and cream ice cream cone. “You’re the only one out of all of us that doesn’t have a girlfriend. There’s gotta be someone who you like.” 

Will took a seat across from Mike at the food court table. “I don’t know, I’m just not really interested in having a girlfriend. But I’m glad you, Lucas, and Dustin are enjoying having one.” He poked at his cotton candy ice cream bowl with his spoon. 

“Oh come on. What about Aubrey?”

Will raised an eyebrow, “What about Aubrey?”

“You’re telling me that nothing happened between you two after you slow danced together at semi-formal last month?” Mike questioned.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m telling you,” Will said, eating a spoonful of his ice cream. “And I didn’t even dance with her. She asked me but I said no.”

“What? I totally thought you guys danced together! Why did you turn her down? She’s cute…but not your type though?” 

Will shrugged, “Yeah, wasn’t my type. And again, I don’t want a girlfriend right now.” He sighed. “Can we please just talk about something else?”

Dropping the subject, they finished their ice cream cones and began a long debate over Star Wars theories. Steve even came over on his break for some company. A while later, Steve noticed a blonde girl who seemed transfixed with their table. He waved at her, thinking that yes, his good looks weren’t fading, but she didn’t seem to notice. She was looking at someone else.

“Hey, Will,” Steve whispered. “Ten ‘o clock!”

“What?” Will said, completely confused.

“Ten ‘o clock. That blondie over there hasn’t blinked since she first laid eyes on you.”

Will felt himself flush at the thought of being the center of attention, that someone was watching his every move. “I-Um-” 

“Hey, chill out,” Mike laughed. 

“Yeah, you look like you’re about to be an entree at Red Lobster,” Steve added. “Just wave at her. Simple.”

Will winced. “Won’t that be leading her on?”

“What? No,” Steve said. “It’s just a wave. Don’t overthink it.”

Will wasn’t overthinking it. He’d already decided that he didn’t want to interact with this random girl and potentially lead her on. That would devastate both her and him. Sure, it was only a wave like Steve said, but…still. 

“I’m not,” Will argued. “I just don’t want to wave to her.”

Steve almost choked on his water. “Will, c’mon, it’s only a wave-”

Will began to get agitated. “I said I don’t want to.”

“Look at you, you’re a total babe magnet and you won’t even acknowledge the girl. I didn’t think you’d turn into such a Steve Harrington a.k.a douchebag so quickly, Will,” Mike laughed while Steve glared at him. 

Looking up from his lap, Will became even more pissed off. “Why are you trying to force me to talk to girls when you know I don’t want to and then try to make me feel bad about it?” Will stood up from the table. “I’ve repeatedly said that I don’t want a girlfriend, how hard is that for you to understand?!”

Will knew that if he stuck around, the conversations would eventually go back to being about girls like they always did. So he walked away from the table. 

“Hey, I was only joking!” Mike called, “Where are you going?”

Ignoring his friend and Steve, Will walked out of the mall, got on his bike, and rode away. 

-

“I haven’t seen Will in three days! Three days!” Mike complained to the party, “I didn’t think what I said made him that upset!”

Everyone agreed that Will had the right to be a little angry since Mike had been pushing his buttons about girls at the mall, but not coming to hang out for three days after the incident? It was a little suspicious. Will usually shook things off overnight or the next day. 

“I called his mom, and even she doesn’t know where he is!” Mike explained, “I told her that we’d find him. What if he’s in danger?” 

“Wait. Not even Mrs. Byers knows where Will is?” Lucas asked. 

“No! She thought he was sleeping over here, which he was supposed to before he ran off,” Mike said. “I’m worried.”

“Well,” Max chimed in, “The only way to really find out where he is-”

“Through me,” El spoke up. 

Lucas, Dustin, Mike, and Max all gathered together on Mike’s couch while El sat in front with a black blindfold over her eyes. She doesn’t search for people or “spy” as some like to call it as often as she used to, as it was draining. But this situation deemed worthy. 

El took a deep breath in and tried to concentrate. When she opened her eyes, she was in the void. The familiar black water sloshed at her feet as she walked around, trying to find Will. 

A blue bed appeared in the distance to her left. She walked towards it. 

“I found him,” El said aloud. 

“Where is he?”

“Is he okay?”

As El got closer, she discovered that Will wasn’t alone. Will and another person were laying side by side on the bed.

“He’s with somebody,” She alerted the party.

Will, I’m booooored 

Sounds like a you problem. While I, on the other hand, am enjoying reading this comic book.

I read that one a thousand times so…

Lucky you

I’m still bored

What do you want me to do about it-

The other person flung the comic book out of Will’s hands and smashed their lips against his. Will wrapped his arm around the other person’s waist and fisted their hair with his other hand, responding enthusiastically to the kiss. 

“They’re,” El paused. “Kissing.”

“No way!” Mike gasped, recalling their conversations at the mall. “That’s…impossible!”

Lucas cheered, “Hell yeah, Will!”

“No freaking way,” Dustin added. “How hot is she?”

“Yeah, what does she look like?” Max asked. 

El took a closer look at the person on top of Will. They appeared to be tall, had short brown hair, a big nose, and glasses. Now that El was really thinking about it, this person didn’t look like a girl at all or even talk like a girl. In fact, they looked a lot like…

“Mike,” She told them.

“What?!” He said, utterly shocked.

“So Will’s locking lips with a girl who looks like Mike?” Dustin raised an eyebrow. “That’s…different.”

You’re so fucking cute

Shut up

I won’t

The person began to pepper kisses down Will’s neck, stopping at one spot.

Hey! If you’re gonna leave marks do it where no one can see them, remember?

“Not a girl,” El spoke up, wiping her bloody nose with a tissue. 

“If they’re not a girl then they gotta be…a boy,” Max said.

“So let me get this straight,” Mike started as he began to pace around the basement, “Will hasn’t been around for a few days and is now apparently kissing a boy? And not to mention a boy that looks like me?”

It was silent for a few moments before Dustin’s head shot up. “You guys don’t think-”

Mhm, stop sucking on my neck and kiss me for real!

Whatever my beloved Willy Will wants…

Oh would you stop calling me that stupid name already!

Whyyy? It’s cute! Just like you!

Richie, just shut up and kiss me 

“Richie.”

“Holy shit!” Lucas exclaimed, “I can’t believe that right now, as we speak, our Will is sucking face with Richie Tozier!”

Max’s face winced in disgust. “Don’t tell me it’s the same Richie that was my lab partner for the frog dissection. The really annoying one?”

“How many Richie’s do you know?” Dustin replied. “It’s him.”

Mike took a seat on the couch and stared at the wall. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Now everything made sense: why Will didn’t dance with Aubrey, how he never seemed interested when they talked about girls, why he didn’t want a girlfriend, and why he didn’t wave to that blonde girl at the mall. His best friend for more than ten years was secretly dating Richie Tozier and making out with him at that very moment. Will had never told anyone - that Mike was aware of - that he was into guys, but now everything made sense. 

“El,” Mike spoke, “Get out of there. This is wrong.” He felt so guilty for invading Will’s privacy, even though it was just to make sure he was safe. Now everyone knew Will’s secret that definitely wasn’t supposed to be found out.

Dustin leaned back in his chair. “I can’t believe this is happening. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen them hang out and this whole time-”

“They’ve been dating right under our noses,” Lucas finished. “My mind is blown.”

El took the blindfold off and wiped her nose. What she saw must be something not right according to her friends’ attitude towards it. 

“You’re not happy for Will?” She said.

Mike’s eyes widened, “What? No! We’re all happy, it’s just…”

El gave Max a confused look. Will and this Richie person were just kissing, something her and Mike did all the time. Why was everyone acting so weird about it?

“Two boys kissing is not very common,” Max explained to her. 

“Why not?”

Dustin sighed, “A lot of people think it’s wrong, and they say bad things about it, unlike if you and Mike kissed.”

“Oh,” El replied even though she still didn’t fully understand.

“But Will can never know that you saw him and Richie,” Mike said. “He’ll tell us when he’s ready, but until then, we don’t tell anyone and just forget about it. Okay?”

Everyone nodded. 

Mike stood up and walked over to the phone on the wall. He dialed a number and waited for a few moments. 

“Hi, Mrs. Byers. We found Will. He’s alright.”

[im-all-in-shiro]

Yay! You're doing prompts again! Would you be willing to do Sheith + “Can I hold your hand?” Post season 6, if you've seen it that is. Please and thank you.

So uhh I’d like to apologise big time for keeping this in my inbox so long. As kind of an apology I made a longer fic. I’m so sorry and I hope you enjoy it. 

They’d stopped at a planet with many vendors and shops—something the other paladins from Earth felt were akin to a strip mall. The shops stretched farther than the paladins could see, giving a slightly intimidating look. It didn’t help that the aliens both buying and selling wares were tall lizard looking people, taller and more muscular than even Shiro. In short, none were particularly interested in going out to the shops.

Coran had explained that the shops held necessary supplies before heading back in one of the lions to help heal Romelle after their last fight. The girl, strong as she was, wasn’t trained in fighting or had a proper weapon on her when she got caught in the crossfire. Her leg was badly injured and she needed to rest it. Coran very regretfully said he had to go, wanting very much to help the Paladins in their quest to go through many stores to find the proper supplies.

“Keith? Shiro?” Allura asked with a very strained smile. “I think you two should get the supplies while the rest of us wait here for a team meeting.”

It was an odd request. It would be much easier to get all the supplies with Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura, and Krolia, but Allura seemed that she wasn’t willing to change her mind on the decision.

Keith gave her a strange look. “Just the two of us? Are you sure?”

“Uh, I don’t mean to question your decisions, Allura,” Shiro began awkwardly. “But wouldn’t a team meeting work best with the whole team? Especially the leader of Voltron?”

Allura gave that same strained smile she’d given a moment ago. “All it’s about is the most recent exercise we did. Keith did wonderfully so I felt the others and I should discuss our difficulties. Krolia should remain as well as it was her exercise.”

She was lying. It wasn’t like her, but she felt it was necessary. What she wanted to talk about she felt had the utmost importance.

Keith and Shiro looked at each other a moment before Keith shrugged. “Sure. We’ll do it.” He looked at Kosmo and petted the space wolf’s head. “Come on. You can help us.”

The others watched as the three walked toward the line of shops, Shiro and Keith already smiling and talking to each other.

It was strange for the other Paladins when they noticed that Allura watched the three walk away with close precision. It was only when they were out of earshot when she turned to the rest of the team. Her demeanour was dark and intimidating, nothing like the fun atmosphere of the shops. Keith and Shiro apparently hadn’t noticed as they continued to walk toward the shops while in close proximity to one another. After the confusion, they’d been excited, and their excitement had rubbed off on Lance, Hunk, and Pidge (despite the disappointment they all felt at being left out). Even Krolia had an upward quirk of her lips at Keith and Shiro’s antics.

Allura had something else in mind.

“I’m not sure if it’s the best idea to have Shiro and Keith in the same lion anymore…” Allura said worriedly, trailing off.

The other Paladins were feeling a mixture of shock and confusion. Keith and Shiro had been practically attached at the hip once Shiro was finally safe in both body and mind. Separating them was an odd choice, especially when the two seemed so happy. With Shiro being stuck in the lion’s consciousness for so long, and Keith being away for two years, the two had much to catch up on and it appeared they were all too willing to do so.

Lance raised an eyebrow at her. “Why not? They’ve been happy now that they got the other back. Well, as happy as you can be after being stuck in Black for months while your clone took over your life.”

“I’m also pretty sure you’ll have to fight Keith if you want to take away Shiro after he just got him back,” Hunk added with a nod.

Allura frowned. “I don’t want to fight, I just think it would be more appropriate if Shiro were to ride in Pidge’s lion from now on.”

Krolia gave Allura a sharp look. “What exactly are you suggesting about my son? Why is he not appropriate enough for your tastes?”

The look Krolia gave Allura was nothing short of terrifying. It was a look only a Galra mother could possibly be able to do.

Allura shook her head immediately. “It’s not Keith. Well, it is but… please just let me explain.”

Krolia continued to look cold, but nodded anyway.

“I overheard them talking when we were settled on Allevian,” Allura began solemnly. “I was there just to check to see if Shiro was doing well when I heard Keith ask him ‘can I hold your hand.’ I think they may be in a secret relationship.”

Pidge shook her head. “That could be seen as platonic. How does ‘can I hold your hand’ equal—”

“They were laying in Shiro’s bed together,” Allura interrupted knowingly.

Everybody paused. It was unexpected to say the least. It was obvious to anybody Shiro and Keith were close, however, it became more apparent over time to the Paladins that the two had a line in their relationship both were too scared to cross. Even Krolia knew well enough about the relationship that ran deep between her son and Shiro.

Hunk was the first to break the silence with laughter. “Pidge, I told you! When we get back to Earth you have to pay up!”

While Pidge grumbled out a response Allura sent a withering look to the two of the playful Paladins. “This is a serious matter,” she insisted. “If the two are in a sexual relationship this could—”

“Woah, woah, woah, hold up,” Lance interrupted. “What’s wrong if they were having sex together? Also, they’re totally not because both of them are dumbasses when it comes to romance—especially Keith.”

Krolia’s eyebrows pinched together, thankfully not noticing Lance’s jab at her son for Lance’s sake. “I would know if my son and Shiro were engaging in sexual acts in the Black Lion. Even if they were, I don’t understand the problem here.”

Hunk gave Allura and Krolia strange looks. “Uh, I don’t know about Galra or Alteans, but on Earth hand holding is a really innocent way of showing affection. Hand holding doesn’t equal ‘sexual acts’ at all, even if they were in Shiro’s bed together. Maybe it was just a slumber party?”

Allura crossed her arms over her chest. “A relationship is easily what it will devolve into.”

“You’re seriously sounding like my Catholic grandmother,” Lance groaned. “Just let Shiro hold hands with Keith. He deserves it.”

“Keith is the Black Paladin and leader of Voltron,” Allura stated solemnly. “While I’d like to be happy for him and Shiro, this is a war. Romantic relationships will only be a hindrance to the team.”

“You can’t be that heartless, Allura,” Hunk insisted. “If they want to be happy, you should let them.”

“What if there’s a battle and Keith favours Shiro’s safety above all else?” Allura questioned cooly. “I’d love to see Shiro and Keith happy, but as leader of Voltron Keith must think of what’s best for the team, not his own personal relationships.”

Pidge raised an eyebrow. “Your logic is flawed. So what if Shiro goes into a different lion? Wouldn’t Keith just protect that lion? Isn’t that just as bad in your mind, strategically?”

“The point of moving Shiro into a different lion is more than that,” Allura argued. “A physical barrier allowing the two to be separated for a period of time could genuinely stop their relationship from devolving any further than it already is. I saw what happened when we allowed the two to be in close quarters. This will hopefully just stop Keith from doing anything too drastic.”

“My son would never do anything for his own personal gain,” Krolia stated, her voice cold as ice. “He’s nothing but a strong leader who’s level-headed and can make the necessary and right choices in battle.”

Lance snorted. “Have you met Keith? When it comes to Shiro, he throws anything logical out of the way when it comes to protecting him. Maybe moving Shiro would help? Just a little bit?”

Allura nodded at Lance. “Thank you, Lance.”

Krolia gave the two a steely look, her lips pressed in a fine line. She was upset. Nobody could really blame her, it was her son they were discussing, but Allura was headstrong and would push whatever she feels is right. She’d never give up, even if that meant harming her and Krolia’s ties with each other.

“What about your parents? Wasn’t your dad a paladin?” Pidge pointed out quickly, trying to swerve the conversation from the dark path of where it was headed. “They were in a relationship, so why can’t we?”

Allura hesitated. “We listen to Keith as our leader. It would be bad to have us be commanded by one so ruled by their mind and body.”

Krolia regarded Allura coldly. “So you’re saying that only my son can’t have a mate? The rest of you are free to do what you choose, but Keith can’t mate with the one he loves?”

Pidge winced and Hunk hid behind her. Lance looked between the two women with genuine fear in his eyes. This conversation wasn’t going to end pleasantly if Allura or Krolia had anything to say about it.

Allura sighed. “In all honesty, before now I’d hoped Shiro and Keith would find solace in each other. Seeing them like that, however, made me realise that Keith would truly hold Shiro’s safety above others’, and it could be Voltron’s downfall. What if an enemy decided to use Shiro against Keith? Keith would do anything to stop it, meaning this could endanger the whole team.”

There was a pause. “You’re thinking about Keith’s fight with the clone, aren’t you?” Lance asked softly.

Allura pursed her lips but didn’t say anything, giving the others the answer they needed.

Lance realised that there was more to it than that. Allura had been hurt by Lotor and it was affecting her decision making. She was strong, but without the chance to truly grieve she’d done little things to make Lance believe she was affected more than she’d let on. This decision was the cherry on top that made even the others suspect that there was much more to Allura’s decision to separate Shiro and Keith than she’d ever be willing to tell. There was the clone aspect absolutely, but it was Lotor who darkened her views of trust and romantic connections.

“I disagree,” Krolia argued. “I believe Keith can make his own choices and still be a good leader. If he wants to mate with Shiro, I say we let it go its course.”

Hunk groaned. “Yeah, okay. I get that Galra are different from humans, but can we please not discuss Shiro and Keith ‘mating?’ Really don’t want to picture my friends going at it like that.”

Allura rounded on him. “Hunk, this is serious.”

Pidge held up her hands. “Allura, calm down. We get that you’re upset, but Hunk and I really don’t think all this is worth it. As I said before, it really doesn’t make that much sense either. Why wouldn’t Shiro and Keith decide to—ugh—mate when we’re stopped on a planet or something?”

Allura pursed her lips. “Pidge, please. This is for the best. Some separation at least part of the time will help the entire team.”

Pidge narrowed her eyes. “Hunk and I don’t care at all, and Keith most definitely isn’t going to agree to this. How is that really best for the team?”

Krolia nodded in agreement. Lance was silent.

Lance didn’t know what to do. Allura always had good points for the team, but this time he was worried his support might be in the wrong place.

“All of you must understand that this will affect the team,” Allura said coldly. “Shiro and Keith’s romantic and sexual relationship will distract Keith from what he needs to be paying attention to the most. Weren’t you two the ones who predicted their relationship to be true? Why wouldn’t you agree with me about this?”

Pidge opened her mouth yet again to argue, but Hunk cut her off.

“Uh, guys?” Hunk interrupted. “They’re headed this way.”

It was sad and uncomfortable for the other Paladins to see Keith and Shiro sharing secret smiles and playfully bantering with each other on their way back to the group with bags of supplies in their hands. Kosmo was trotting happily at their feet.

They looked like a proper couple. They looked like a happy couple, one purely enjoying the others company.

“Hey, guys,” Shiro greeted with a grin. “Keith and I got all the stuff you wanted. Also, did you know this place has some sort of cool alien candy? They even had one thing that tasted like real chocolate.”

Keith smirked. “It’s like Shiro was finally acting his age.”

Shiro bumped his shoulder into Keith’s. “Really? Leap year jokes?”

Keith hummed. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be so hard on the elderly, oldtimer.”

It was an inside joke the others weren’t able to discern. It was cute, only making the impending news that much more depressing to those around them.

The smiles slid away when Shiro and Keith began to grasp the atmosphere. It was tense and palpable, nothing like they’d felt when they’d been shopping together.

They’d enjoyed their trip. The list itself Allura had given them was dull, but they’d found some way to make the trip worthwhile. They’d taken a detour when Keith noticed Shiro gazing longingly at the small painted pink shop, different sorts of treats in the display window. After much embarrassment from Shiro, they’d gone inside. It had been worth it for Keith to see Shiro’s eyes light up at one of the samples the owner allowed him to try. Shiro had excitedly told Keith it was like chocolate. While a total health nut, if Shiro ever indulged back on Earth, it was with chocolate. He’d admitted to Keith early on in their trip in space it was one of the things he missed from Earth, and when he’d tasted it he’d immediately bought the small package of which it came (despite the fact it was most definitely not on Allura’s list). It was one of the most endearing things Keith had ever witnessed and did nothing but smile at Shiro’s purchase.

Now, however, it was a completely different story.

“Shiro, you’ll be in Pidge’s lion from now on,” Allura commanded. “Keith will be in the black lion with his wolf.”

Lance winced while Pidge and Hunk cringed. Krolia showed no change in emotion, but was already hurting for her son. Allura was abrupt, getting straight to the point.

Keith frowned. “Why?”

Allura took in a deep breath. “I’m worried about the team’s dynamic.”

Shiro gave her a strange look. “The team’s dynamic? Have we done something wrong?”

“Not exactly,” Allura continued. “I think that your relationship with Keith could potentially hurt the team’s bond.”

“Is this about Shiro’s clone?” Keith asked darkly. “That’s over and done with. The clone is gone and we’re safe. This is Shiro. He won’t hurt me.”

“It’s not that,” Allura insisted. “It’s just with you two together in one lion I think there are possibilities that could lead the team to endanger themselves needlessly because of your misguided goals. I understand when it comes to the safety of your lover, but—”

“You’re putting us in separate lions because you guys think we’re screwing each other?” Keith interrupted bewilderedly. “Seriously?”

Shiro winced slightly at the language. It was clear to everybody that Keith was slowly growing frustrated. Back at the Garrison there had been complaints from angry students and concerned parents about the favouritism from Takashi Shirogane to the punk orphan. Students had accused Keith many times of getting good simulation scores because he bent over for the Lieutenant. Shiro knew better than the others just how deep that comment ran.

Shiro reached out to touch Keith’s shoulder, desperate to reign the man in before anything gets drastic. Luckily enough Keith didn’t push him away, but his anger didn’t seem to lower at all.

“You guys know Shiro and I are just friends, so what’s the big deal?” Keith continued. “Just because we’re close doesn’t mean we’re having sex.”

Allura put her hands on her hips. “I’m not naive, Keith. Bed sharing in close proximity is not in the Altean definition of friendship.”

Shiro and Keith both froze. They both knew the moment she was talking about. It had been a moment of weakness for Keith, a moment that would have never happened if he had known Allura was watching.

“For your information,” Keith said lowly, “I had a nightmare and Shiro was there to help me. I was panicking and he got me to calm down. I don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t been there.”

“Keith…” Shiro trailed off, surprised at the admission.

It was pretty surprising for everybody to hear. Keith had walls up, and was usually adverse to letting people see him at his weakest. Admitting that he both needed and accepted help was something unexpected for everybody.

Keith’s nightmare that night had been bad. He’d lost Shiro again in his dream, and it had been his own fault. He hadn’t held on tight enough and Shiro’s hand slipped through his fingers, sending the man through space. Keith had woken up in a cold sweat, desperately trying to keep tears from falling down his face. Shiro had woken up to the gasping, and immediately rushed over to comfort Keith. He didn’t go into detail with Shiro, and Shiro didn’t ask for anything. Apparently Allura had caught the scene just after Shiro scooted over to invite Keith into his bed. Keith had been grateful, but now that memory had been tainted by an unknown onlooker.

None of the Paladins knew the backstory, only what Allura had told them from her point of view. Hunk, Krolia, and Pidge accepted Keith’s explanation and approved of whatever sort of relationship Keith and Shiro could have. Allura was wary, unsure, and it was affecting Lance. Lance, who had initially been all for Keith and Shiro having a relationship, was now doubting. Allura had good intentions at heart, everybody knew that except for maybe Keith, but Lance was the one who now had her back in the situation, no matter how strained his relationship with Keith could become.

“Anytime I’ve ever needed somebody, Shiro’s been there,” Keith continued. “He’s always been like a brother to me.”

“Brothers don’t ask if they can hold hands,” Allura argued.

“You heard that?” Shiro asked quietly. “It was nothing, Allura. I promise. Keith just needed somebody and I was there. Nothing more to it than that.”

Keith flushed with embarrassment and anger. “That was private. You had no right to listen in like that.”

“So what was it really? Nothing? Or was it a private moment between potential lovers?”

Keith let out a humourless laugh. “You overheard one sentence and you think we’re going to be ‘lovers?’”

“It’s more than that,” Allura insisted harshly. “What I saw… that’s more than friendship.”

“You don’t get to decide that!” Keith exclaimed. “How many times do I have to say that Shiro and I are just friends!”

“I believe you, Keith,” Krolia said. “But you must calm down.”

Krolia was only partially being honest. The amount of feeling Keith had put in his stories of Shiro was very telling of Keith’s true feelings. She believed they were only friends, but she knew both men had something that ran deeper than friendship. Her suspicions had only gotten worse the moment she’d seen Shiro for the first time. The boy had stuttered over his words and looked at Keith with wide eyes. Keith wasn’t the only one with feelings, that much she, and some others, could tell easily enough.

(It really didn’t help when Keith turned away to talk with Romelle that first time Shiro and Keith had seen each other after Keith’s two years. Shiro’s gaze had traveled considerably lower before snapping back up. There was a blush on his face that unfortunately for him Krolia had caught. Krolia was nowhere near adverse to the idea of Keith with Shiro, but the amusement she felt at seeing the black paladins moment of acting like a school child in love was something she most definitely was going to hold onto for a long time. Thankfully enough for Shiro, none of the others had noticed. Many of them would have had nothing but teasing words to say once the situation was over.)

Keith looked to Krolia, a betrayed look on his face. “Mom? You agreed to this?”

Krolia pressed her lips in a fine line. “I did not.”

That much seemed to please Keith, but only temporarily. He’d grown considerably in the two years he’d been with his mother, but now his blood was boiling. They’d included Shiro in these accusations and it was doing nothing to help him calm down. It was debatable if even Shiro could stop him at this point.

“What about the rest of you?” Keith questioned, rounding on the others. “Did any of you agree to this?!”

“I agreed with Allura,” Lance finally admitted amidst the long period of silence. “She’s kind of right, you know? I think you’d always go out of your way for Shiro, and maybe that’s just not what the team needs?”

It wasn’t particularly surprising Lance chose Allura over Keith, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less to see a teammate willing to, in a way, betray him.

“Pidge? Hunk?” Keith asked bitterly. “You haven’t said a thing so far. Speak up!”

Pidge and Hunk looked at each other, really not wanting to say they’d made bets about Shiro and Keith’s potential relationship. Overall, they disagreed with how Allura was handling the situation, but they felt their own opinions on the two’s relationship wouldn’t help the situation one bit.

“Keith, these are your comrades,” Krolia spoke up. “I understand how you feel, but you can’t let your anger get the best of you.”

Keith glared at Allura. “Comrades wouldn’t do things like make decisions behind the teams back. I’m a part of Voltron, don’t I get a say in this?”

Allura crossed her arms over her chest. “You should understand that what I’m saying is best for the team. Shiro is nothing but a distraction for you and there’s no way you can act at your finest with your thoughts surrounding your romantic interest. Look at how you’re acting now. You’re falling apart just at the thought of separating with him.”

Keith was fuming, but Shiro wasn’t ready for the impending fight. Keith’s pain was understandable, but Shiro (as well as Pidge, Lance, and Hunk) did not want to see an all out battle between Allura and Keith.

Shiro sighed before Keith could say anything else. “If that’s what you guys think, I’ll go in Pidge’s lion.”

Keith whipped around to look at Shiro. “You’re giving up like that?”

Keith looked hurt, and that made Shiro hurt in turn. The last thing Shiro wanted to do was leave, but he knew it wouldn’t be worth the fight. He didn’t need the team to get in a break up because he’d feel guilty. Nobody would truly think it’s his fault, but that doesn’t stop Shiro from feeling that it is that way.

Shiro shook his head. “I’d love staying with you, Keith, but I don’t think it’s worth this big fight.”

“But what they’re saying is—!”

“Not true, I know,” Shiro amended soothingly, gripping Keith’s shoulder tighter. “Let’s just do it their way for now, okay? We can see each other on planets we stop on and talk through the lions.”

Allura frowned. She should have guessed. At least they were nowhere near each other’s beds.

“But Shiro… I just got you back,” Keith muttered to Shiro. It was meant for only Shiro, but the others heard too. “Why are you letting them do this over something so stupid?”

Keith was clearly angry, but there was a hint of devastation in his tone too. This all the more made Pidge, Lance, and Hunk feel guilty. It was hard to watch Keith and Shiro gaze at each other, having a private conversation nobody else could decipher. They felt like they were intruding on an intimate moment between two people who actually were lovers. They felt like voyeurs and it did nothing but make the Paladins uncomfortable. Allura was holding on strong despite the scene in front of her, not willing to back down anytime soon.

Shiro gave him a weak smile. “You’ll have Kosmo and Krolia. You’ll be fine.”

Allura nodded. “Exactly. Thank you both for understanding.”

Her tone was tense, but she’d meant every word. However, that only caused Keith to feel his anger boil over. He felt Allura didn’t have any right to make these decisions. At this point he knew he was overreacting, but nobody could blame him. He’d just gotten the real Shiro back. Shiro was important to him, and Keith had even admitted it to himself long ago that he wanted to be more than friends with Shiro. Keith has never once acted on it though, so the accusations were nothing short of hurtful.

“Here’s your shit,” Keith growled, dropping the bags on the ground. He roughly tugged his shoulder out from Shiro’s grip. “I’m out.”

“Keith,” Shiro said sadly. “Keith, wait.”

Keith didn’t wait, but he also made no move to stop Shiro. Krolia and Kosmo were close behind, both ready to help in whatever way they could. Despite his actions, now was the time Keith didn’t need to be alone.

It didn’t help that Krolia had caught tears forming in Keith’s eyes.

“I stand by my decision,” Allura said firmly at all the looks she was getting when the four were out of earshot.

“Allura, I think you went too far,” Hunk stated. “Yeah, I kind of get where you’re coming from, but Shiro and Keith are just like that. Remember when Keith didn’t stop until he found Shiro after Shiro disappeared? That’s just how he is. No matter what you do I don’t think you could change that. I think you should just let them be in the same lion together. I… it’s not my place but I think they do love each other in a way they don’t realise yet, and I think we should let that take its course. So what if they want to… stuff? Point is, you can separate them but I don’t think anything will change.”

Allura shook her head. “What’s done is done.” She turned and headed toward the Blue Lion. “I’ll be in my lion if anyone needs me.”

It was very clear from her tone she didn’t want anybody to follow. Nobody wanted to. Allura was extremely set in her decision and nobody was going to change that.

“This trip is going to be extremely fun,” Pidge commented sarcastically.

Hunk sighed. “A whole year of it.”

[delta-altair]

Ok I think this is the last one, apologies as always for my long-windedness

You know I think I’m starting to feel more and more like I don’t so much need to step away from Critical Role, but moreso I want to jump past the next couple of episodes and ignore large swaths of the fandom forever. Because Twitter right now is just a DELUGE of ‘that’s how D&D is supposed to work’ and ‘why are they watching if they can’t handle this’ and ‘characters die!!’ and ‘it’s better storytelling’ and ‘the dice will be cruel’ and ‘if you didn’t think this would happen you shouldn’t be watching’ and ‘you need to realize the story will be dark’. There is an implication that people wanting to take a break or even quit are not ‘real fans’.

I have scoured twitter and tumblr and while yes I’ve seen like 20-25 or so people who are throwing hate at Matt and those people are total wankrods, the overwhelming majority of ‘non-positive’ things are people being sad or upset to themselves with no reference to the cast or even (a LOT of the time actually) saying very positive things about the cast while being upset or disappointed about Molly. But that isn’t mosts of the posts on Twitter or Reddit (tumblr is very different, I will say that). The majority of posts are what I mentioned above.

It seems like a lot of the fandom is incapable of understanding that there are many reasons people may stop watching, and most of them are not because they’re mad at Matt (which is dumb). For me I know that sudden, unexpected, and ‘pointless’ feeling death and the reactions to it is something I find upsetting and extremely difficult to reach a ‘catharsis’ point, like many did during Talks Machina but I did not, for very personal reasons. 

Being sad or upset, or supporting people who are, or needing to step away for whatever reason does not nullify the set-in-stone iron-clad truth that no one in the cast and especially not Matt should ever receive any kind of hate. First just because it’s rude as hell, and second because they are also all mourning Molly right now. I’m just so tired of the knee-jerk reaction of what appears to be the majority of people on twitter, reddit, and twitch and somewhat on tumblr that upset=DON’T HATE MATT. Not everyone means ‘it’s not ok to be upset’ with their words, but the waves and waves of ‘it was great’, ‘this will make the story better’, ‘lorenzo is now a great villain’, ‘this gave it great steaks’ ‘WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL UPSET’ is just exhausting.

Some people want to step back right now because they want to keep loving the show. And some people need to step back for themselves, for whatever reason. And if you want to do that for the show, the fandom, or both, power to you. I’ve come to the realization that by passing by a few episodes I can leave the anti-catharsis of Molly’s death behind, but the fandom “tone policing” isn’t something I want to deal with.

I will, however, no matter what, be 100000% excited to see Tal’s new character because he is a freaking genius and he seems pretty excited about it too. I don’t know if they’ll be a bard or a sorcerer or a paladin or something else totally crazy but we KNOW they’re going to be amazing.

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Getting Married”

Getting married with The Joker would include:

– He is nervous as hell, but wouldn’t admit even if it kills him. Sometimes at night, J has second thoughts but then he looks at you sleeping and takes a deep breath, thinking: “Shit, I guess I’m doing this.”

– You have fights about the color of your wedding dress: The Joker wants to see you in white, but you would prefer purple, one of his favorite colors. You break up and call off the weeding for about…4 hours, before starting to speak to each other again because now you have to fight about the color of his tuxedo. You want him to wear the classic black and J wants to wear green.

You call off the wedding again for about…5 hours before bumping into each other in the living room. He growls and you pout, telling him to come to bed because it’s late. J follows you to the bedroom muttering and complaining until he falls asleep.

–But you can’t doze off. You are so anxious about the upcoming event that you have second thoughts. But then you watch him dream and scoot over, forgetting you are mad at him. You snuggle to his chest and he squeezes you tight in his arms, kissing your forehead. I guess J wasn’t really asleep, he was just waiting to see if you would make the move before he does.

– The King of Gotham buys you all these little wedding gifts he hides all over the place for you to find. When you discover something you don’t remember you had before, he doesn’t admit to it since he doesn’t want you to think he cares too much:

“Of course you had that diamond necklace, I saw you wear it on our last date.”

“Are you kidding me? That dress has been in there for ages.”

“Ummm, those earrings have been in your jewelry box for at least 5 years.” (But, you know… you’ve been together for 2 years…)

“Come on, now, those stilettos have been in that box for at least a year.”

“Seriously, you don’t remember this car?!”

–So smooth, you smile to yourself, aware of what your future husband is doing but pretend not to have a clue and play along. It’s more fun this way.

– J wants to invite Batsy to the weeding. You believe it’s a great idea so tonight you blew up Gotham Bank and sprayed a nice graffiti on the only wall still standing: “ Come to the wedding” with the Batsy logo under. “P.S.  No people were hurt in the making of this wedding invitation. You’re welcome.” Of course he saw it but there is no address, no date, no nothing. “Lunatics,” Bruce Wayne thinks, “how am I supposed to know what’s going on if there’s no info?!”

– You are afraid he will get bored with you after getting married. What if it doesn’t work and it all goes down in flames? What are you going to do without your green haired nightmare? The Joker notices you are stressed out and it only makes him even more nervous: I mean, what if he doesn’t work out and you get bored with him afterwards? What if ends up badly and you leave him? What is he going to do without his pain in the ass?

– One day, J finds you crying your eyes out on the balcony and you finally tell him why. Well, thank God because he didn’t want to bring that up, but what a relief to find out you share the same concern.

“Of course I’m going to divorce you in a couple of years: you’ll be too old for my standards,” he teases, spanking your butt.

“You’re already too old for my standards but I plan to stay married,” you whimper, blowing your nose in a tissue so loud it makes him cringe.

“Ewww, that’s it, the weeding is off!” and instead of laughing at his joke you bawl harder because the whole thing has been an emotional roller-coaster so far. “Ugghhh,” he rolls his eyes and lifts you in his arms, while you rub your eyes, upset. “Hug me,” and you don’t react. The threat follows: “Your arms better go around my neck really, really tight in the next 3 seconds or the ceremony is off for reals!”

– You don’t remember being so fast in obeying.

“I guess we’re still on,” your fiancée huffs and the teary smile gives him such an unexpected feeling of bliss. J wants to say something sweet for once but ends up mumbling a few words you don’t understand.

“What was that?” you ask, not sure if he really said anything.

“Mind your own business, woman!” but he doesn’t look mad and it makes you happy.

– Conflict arises when the subject of kids is brought up again: The Joker wants 3 and you want none. Huge fight and J leaves, slamming the door and yelling a bunch of stuff that makes you hate him for 30 minutes before you have a change of heart and text him:

“I am willing to compromise for 2.”

– He actually makes you sign a treaty stipulating your little truce. J types the text and prints it, bringing over the piece of paper.

“I agree to let my husband knock me up at least twice,” you read out loud, ready to sign. “Baby, I don’t like that ‘at least’ in there’ –it’s misleading,” you complain but The Clown Prince of Crime won’t have any of this crap.

“Just flippin’ scribble your name on the bottom of the page and stop whining!”

You take a deep breath and sign: “Y/N.”

“Wrong name, Pumpkin,” The Joker points out. “It should be Mrs. J since we are basically married !”

You giggle and cross a line on top of “Y/N”, correcting the mistake.

“Sucker!” J smirks, yanking the page away and folding it as soon as you are done. “Now I can have as many kids as I want. You’re so easy to trick, Princess,” and the paper gets carefully placed in his seif and locked away.

You sulk, aware you stepped right into this one.

– The Joker wants to have the most opulent, luxurious and lavish wedding ever in the history of mankind. You want a more private ceremony, not necessarily less posh, but 1000 guests seem too much for your taste. You want…950 guests and would love to get rid of that extra 50 people, but J is threatening with no sex until after the wedding if you don’t agree to his list.

– You panic. How are you supposed to survive with no sex with The Joker for so long???!! It’s one week away, a whole eternity for Heaven’s sake! So you say yes.

“Sucker!” he maliciously laughs. “Can’t stay away from Daddy, hm?”

“The wedding is off!” you have a comeback at his sassiness, yet J has some sane logic for once:

“Then there will be no sex, obviously.”

“OK, the wedding is on!” you shout, irritated and rush out of the living room, defeated and pissed.

– You never had a first date so you will have one tonight before the wedding. Things between the two of you just kind of happened and you are the one that wants to fix that. J was totally against it but he gave in, renting your favorite restaurant for the night.

– You just started the evening and barely had an appetizer when he already had enough of romance:

“Come on, Doll, get naked, I wanna have you here on the table.”

“What?! On our first date?!” you reply, blushing a bit.

“Don’t make me wait!” J growls and you are disappointed; that’s why you never had a first proper date, he’s so impatient.

“I don’t sleep with anybody at a first date!” you conclude and he’s lost.

“Huh?”

“Let’s enjoy our early evening and then we can go home and sleep. Tomorrow is a big day,” you try to convince him. “You know you can’t see the bride before the wedding anyway, so tonight it’s perfect for us to have a first date and have the tradition taken care of too.”

He just stares at you, grinding his teeth.

“This is bullshit; take your dress off!”

“No! “ you fight back and he slams his fist on the table, getting up to leave, enraged at your nonsense.

“Where are you going?”

“To find somebody else for the night since I am being refused on my apparent first date!” and he storms out, abandoning his bride- to- be at the restaurant.

– You called Frost and he brought you back to the Penthouse. You are nervous to see if he’s home after all he said. Of course he’s home, locked inside one of the bedrooms upstairs. Not that you thought J would cheat, but…you never know.

You are still furious though and debate if you should show up for the wedding tomorrow. You have no clue he is thinking the same.

– You linger in front of his door, debating and turn around to leave when The Joker suddenly opens the door:

“What do you want?” he snaps.

“Nothing…” you scratch your shoulder and stare at each other.

“Then why are you here?”

You lift your shoulders up, not answering.

“It’s bad luck to see the bride before the weeding so disappear!” he mocks, slowly closing the door. You are fast to sneak in before he does it, not that he tries to stop you.

“If you don’t want to see the bride then close your eyes,” you flutter your long eyelashes, biting on your lip.

“That’s stupid,” he whispers but closes his eyes and heads towards the bed. You silently follow and get under the sheets, making sure to say:

“But we can’t have sex, it’s the tradition.”

“Pfft, you already hurt my pride tonight and I don’t forgive that. EVER,” and slides towards you, groping your butt in the process.

Needless to say that was the best sex you had all week.

– His heart stopps when he sees how beautiful you look in the white dress. Yes, you decided on what he wanted.

–Your heart stops when you see him wear the black tuxedo, a very handsome devil. Yes, he decided on what you wanted.

– The Joker almost shoots the priest because things aren’t moving too fast. He’s not a patient man. You calm him down and the ceremony continues without any further death threats.  

– The big letdown for the special occasion is the fact that Batsy didn’t show up. You invited him, right?! Both of you are bummed about it; maybe he was busy or something…Oh, but maybe he will like to be the Godfather of your first child or occasionally babysit…And then again maybe not since he ditched the groom and bride on such an important day. The fact that he didn’t have an address or date has nothing to do with it.

– But he would have probably used the opportunity to bring the SWAT team over and catch you so…a blessing in disguise Gotham’s Vigilante didn’t show up.

– Unexpectedly, for the wedding night, J decides to be romantic.

“Allright, Mrs. J, this is special,” he winks, kissing you roughly and you just can’t wait to take your dress off. ‘”We will use our weeding night as a first date and we won’t have sex, just like you wanted. Surprise!” he grins, soooo proud of his romantic skills.

Your jaw drops to the ground.

“What?!”

“This is my remarkable wedding gift to you: can’t say I am insensitive to your needs,” he dramatically gestures, full of himself.

“And NOW you want to do this??!!”

“No better time.”

“That’s… that’s… preposterous !!!!! There is no way I’m not getting laid on my wedding night!!!” you scream and start yanking at his clothes, eager to get him out of the dammed tuxedo.

“Jeez, Mrs. J, calm down. You’re so desperate it’s embarrassing. I am doing this for you; we’ll just talk,” he yawns  and crushes on the bed, stretching on top of the purple sheets.

“Fine, fine, whatever,” you utter, distressed, admitting in your mind you actually asked for this…last night. You collapse by him, glaring at the ceiling, frustrated.

“On the other hand…” J gets on his elbow, “we can maybe postpone this for another time.”

“Really?” you get on your elbow too, full of hope.

“Sucker, I totally got you!!!!” he chuckles when you crawl on top of him, kissing him in frenzy.

“You’re such a jerk!”

– Needless to say it was the best sex you had all month.

 Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #51

“i’m unashamed, i’m gonna show my scars.”

have you ever been confused about your sexuality? yes, but i am perfectly aware it was only due to my anxiety and this repetitive thought cycle i used to have. i was afraid i was bisexual, despite having no traits of one. yet i was still afraid. thank GOD that eventually stopped. have you ever tried drugs? no. do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? i'm TRYING to put myself first. what's your sexuality? heterosexual, some asexual traits. have you ever liked someone else while you were in a relationship? no. what is your favorite card game? "magic: the gathering." i don't FULLY understand it, but i play "duels of the planeswalkers" on my ps3 sometimes, where i understand all the cards. i can't really play it much tho. ptsd trigger. have you ever lived on a university campus? no when was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? idk really. do you “binge-watch” tv shows? not since jason's and my "sherlock" days. do you play any games on your phone? only "pokemon go" when was the last time you wore something totally inappropriate for the weather? does this happen often? i do it all the time. i wear flip-flops in the winter and will usually not wear a jacket unless my mom forces me. if you could dye your hair any color (and have it look good/professional), what color would you pick? GRAY. mom won't let me, though. have you ever liked someone and they were taken? yeah. now. have you ever read the book thirteen reasons why? yup. are you more of a studs or hoops type of person when it comes to earrings? studs, generally. are you on good terms with your last ex? not really, no. have you ever received a teddy bear? no. lol funny, i was just talking the other day at wal-mart how just ONCE, i want a guy to get me one of those big teddy bears. which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? scream. childhood fear. are you proud of your parents? in some areas yes, others, no. someone removes you from their facebook friends and then tries to add you again … do you ignore them, or accept? accept. what would you say if your best friend came to you and said she was pregnant? oh my gosh, i'd be overjoyed. she's been trying for a baby for so long now, and she has to see someone about fertility if she and bradley don't get pregnant by next month. to make matters worse, i inadvertently found out ectopic pregnancies occur most often in people who have endometriosis, which she as. i'd never dare tell her that, but i'm so worried that'll happen to her or she just won't be fertile at all... who is the most attractive person of the opposite sex that you know? that i know personally? jason. what would you consider unforgivable? rape. what are your views on spontaneous human combustion? i don't really know... i mean aren't there cases where officials were pretty sure the situation truly was spontaneous combustion? i mean i guess, theoretically, it could happen. do you enjoy fishing? yes!! i love the peace and quiet, and feeling one with the fish on the rod is so cool. the last piece of roadkill you saw,what kind of animal was it? a fox, i believe. does your hair have layers? yep. what’s on your mind right now? jason. i wrote him a six-page letter last night; my mom's going to give it to him today. it's his 23rd birthday. bats: cute or gross? SOOOO FUCKING CUTE!!! have you watched any good horror / thriller movies lately? the new "blair witch" was pretty good, but it left a few open ends. what are your opinions on the song you're currently listening to? absolutely adore it. "breath" by breaking benjamin. what is something that people in your family tend to do a lot that irritates you?  uhhh... idk. everyone in my family's different. what do you wish you had more knowledge about? basic survival skills, like what settings to put the washing machine on, etc. name a song you listen to when your upset/angry/sad?  i mean, lots. but one of my go-tos for a bad mood is "fuck u" by archive what would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? i'd like to think i'd say no, and i honestly think i would, but with how this day's going, who the fuck knows what i'd say. i want an escape from this feeling. are you tired from last night? did you stay up late last night at all? holy shit, yes. i stayed up until almost four typing up a letter to jason. there's more things i need to say to him. i really hope he reads it... do you have soft hands? do you like holding hands? yes and it depends on whether or not your hands are clammy or not. i miss jason's hands. they were so soft and warm. have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? if so, what on? yes, on rice that just came off the stove. do you like to have cake on your birthday? which kind of cake in mind? i want a doughnut cake. if you met your 12 year old self, right now, what do you think they'd think of you? she'd be... so disappointed. would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships? no. what is your favorite song lyric? "i'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck," because it makes me think of jason. that's so me. he could just... do anything, i guess, and i'd still love him. i promised. are you comfortable with who you are? have you accepted who you are? no. i'm a failure that's in love with a man who'll never love her back. i gave away the key to my happiness, and it's not something he can just give back. what’s something you would say to an ex right now?   just wrote him six pages worth of shit last night.  i really hope he reads it. did you ever collect any sort of cards?   pokemon cards, somewhat. do you consider yourself pretty?   i think i could be if i wasn't so fat. have you ever been diagnosed with anything unexpected, mental or physical illness? how did you finally find out?   i have mental illnesses, but i expected them all, so.  when i had a cyst, that was unexpected, though. does your mom like the last person you kissed?   she's very confused with him, as am i.  she doesn't understand why he just so suddenly had had enough with me.  she spites him for how much pain he's caused me, but who knows, really. how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?   none. are you currently in love right now?   i know so.  i wouldn't be going through all this hell for jason if i wasn't.  in that letter i mentioned i wrote to jason, i actually talked about this.  talked about the difference of loving and being in love: whether or not you'd accept a person's gradual changes in life.  and i obviously have, as i haven't seen him in a year, and i still love him. last time you had anal sex? (if ever)   never.  the concept is really gross. do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?   no.  just wanting something isn't enough. have you ever learned any self-defense? if not, would you be interested in learning?   no, and i guess so.  it'd be wise. what is your favorite soundtrack for a film/video game/television show? (though feel free to name as many!)   the "shadow of the colossus" soundtrack!! have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket?   no, actually. have you ever done yoga?   i used to do yoga on a daily basis on the wii fit.  lost 40 pounds. have you ever had to block anyone online?   yup. ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship?   HMMMM, I DON'T KNOW, AM I, JASON?? how exactly do you feel right now? what's on your mind?   i feel sad.  i feel disappointed in myself.  don't ask how my brain got to this point, but i just realized something about myself: if jason came back, i'm almost certain i'd leave my abstinence behind.  and look, anyone who knows me knows i am so serious about my celibacy until marriage.  i'm so proud of it, to have accomplished it during a passionate, long-term relationship.  but... i'm staring to second-guess it.  is it truly, really worth it?  should jason and i have just had sex anyway while we were together?  let's all be adults here: sex is supposed to be a very passionate display of affection, at least to me; i don't believe sex can be casual.  and, well, i wish i could've shared that with jason.  i don't give a fuck who my future husband's gonna be, i highly doubt i'd regret giving my virginity to the first person i ever loved, because i will always love him.  i wish, i wish, i'd let jason know that part of me.  and yeah, i know "but the bible says premarital sex is bad!", well, it says a lot of stuff is bad, but all that was forgiven by the coming of jesus, yada yada.  it's not entirely clear what old rules remain intact in the new testament.  like... what if i've been believing an old testament rule this whole time?  that'll be funny. but anyway, i'm just... remorseful right now.  i mean, jason even got tested for stds for me.  he was clean.  so on a physical level, us having sex wouldn't have risked the spread of disease, which is another, if not the prime, reason i chose abstinence.  ugh.  i'm so split right now.  why am i even worrying about this, it's not like he's going to come back anyway. are you a heavy drinker?   no.  i don't like the taste of alcohol, so i don't drink a lot, anyway. do you own many pairs of shorts?   i don't own any. is there a situation you currently feel hopeless about?   *"welcome to my life" plays in the distance* when was the last time you sang out loud to yourself?   ha ha a few minutes ago.  backstreet boys came on. is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist?   that's totally megadeth.  i personally think dave is an atrocious singer, yet i like it at the same time...? when was the last time you wore earrings?   now!  i had such a rough morning, so colleen tried to cheer me up before work.  she told me to get all pretty, to treat myself.  so i did!  i put on makeup, got on some clothes that actually fit.  i even put on my new ruby ring and put earrings into my lobes! do you enjoy going through old pictures?   sometimes.  occasionally the nostalgia is too much. when’s the last time someone was disappointed in you?   probably this morning when i told colleen i wrote jason another letter... which compliment do you receive the most?    people call my hair pretty. do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people?   nope.  we ALL judge people somewhat. have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed?   plenty of times.  i was honestly into hickeys.  i think biting can be romantic. think of your last kiss, was it good?   jason's italian, baby.  boy knows how to kiss. what side of a heart do you draw first?   left plan on getting married?   yes.  i'm christian so don't believe in dating if you're not interested in eventually marrying that person. do you believe everyone needs a second chance?   not everyone, honestly.  some people are beyond redemption. be honest, do you like people in general?   as a general statement?  no. do you want your tongue pierced?   i do, but mom is really trying to convince me not to.  they're dangerous for your teeth, and besides, i have a metal retainer on the back of my bottom teeth, and that can really get fucked up.  i'm probably still gonna do it, tho. should the guy always pay for the date?   no.  personally, i believe whoever planned the date should pay. where do you hope to live when you’re older and settled?   on the western side of nc.  in the woods, preferably. do you read the bible?   honestly, not as much as i should. do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time?   FUCKING YES.  do not abuse a mental illness!!! ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? what was it for?   yes, because something was wrong with my liver.  turned out being okay. what bands are you into?   mostly heavy metal bands, both old and new. do your parents wish you were more successful?   sigh.  i'm sure they do. have you ever been interrupted during sex?   during foreplay, yeah.  sex, no. has a dentist ever screwed up on anything when working on you?   yeah, actually.  while flossing me, this damn dentist went WAAAAAY up there into my gums and formed a deep pocket.  now i can't floss that spot without flinching. whose house, other than yours and your families, are you most comfortable at?   colleen's. have you ever been on the honor roll?   all the way from elementary through high school. do you ever read things you wrote as a kid? what were you like?   OH MY GOSH I'D NEVER I WAS CHEESY AF how do you feel about people your age having children?   personally, i think 20 is a bit too young, but just barely.  it's not a big deal if you feel you're ready, as your body, by age 20, is, too. do you think it’s possible for an 18 year old to be ready to get married?   sure.  some people meet the "perfect" partner at a young age. how do you wear or style your hair most often?   i don't really style it.  it's parted on the left side of my head, so my hair swoops over my forehead and rests on my glasses. how many instruments do you own/have you owned?   flute and electric guitar for or against guyliner?   omg sexy af do you believe exes can be friends?   if you were actually in love with each other, absolutely not. did you pull a senior prank?   no, because i fancied graduating. have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship?   no, and i never would be. what do your parents think about piercings and tattoos? do you agree with them?   both my parents are iffy with piercings, but each allowed us (my sisters and i) to make our own choices with them.  tattoos, i personally think my mom's more open towards, so long they're not stupid.  judging by my dad's reaction when i told him i had tattoos, dad's very iffy with them. do you watch any anime? what genres do you enjoy?   yeah, mostly horror-oriented stuff.  my fave's "fullmetal alchemist" (+"brotherhood").  i looove "deadman wonderland."  i watched some of "death note" and "black butler," but i didn't get into it. do you have plans for today?   yeah.  go to colleen's to print out jason's letter (we have no ink at home), then probably go to jason's job to give it to him.  i think i'm going to go in... which is such a gamble.  that might be the death of me.  if he's not at work, then we'll drive to my house so mom can go drop it off at his house, because i don't think i'd survive even pulling up into his driveway.  after that, i may or may not spend the night with colleen. anything special about today?   yeah.  it's jason's 23rd birthday.  happy birthday, my love. do you think home schooled kids are weird?   of course not.  i do, however, believe that they usually are a bit socially deprived.  school is such an important part of a child's life, and is really where they learn so many social skills. do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings?   mom has her ears pierced do you feel comfortable in a bikini?   not anymore whatsoever. do you believe humans should have the option to be euthanized?   i really don't know. have you ever played magic: the gathering?   yes, when jason and i were dated.  it's one of his passions.  he's so cute when he geeks out over it. do you want to have a bachelor / bachelorette party before you get married?   i mean, i guess?  i don't really know what you do at bachelorette parties? would you ever get a name tattooed on you?   no, not even my child's. what’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?   miracle and maxwell how old are you? how old do you act?   i'm 20, about to be 21, and sometimes i act older, sometimes younger. when was the last time you ate a banana?   like, two, three months?  i stopped eating them because they gave me hellish heartburn, always.  like, so bad i wanted to cry. have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz?   oh.  my.  gosh.  ya'll, yes.  after i joined christianmingle, i was curious, so checked it out.  I HAD NO MATCHES. is there a girl that you truly hate?   i think it's genuine hate, but i know i shouldn't feel that way.  it's not like she's ever directly done anything to me.  i don't even know her, only her name.  i'm childish to spite her so heavily just for dating jason, but dammit, he's mine. do you own a strapless bra?   no.  generally not a good idea for someone with d-sized boobs.  the ladies will fall out, let's be real. have you ever had a piercing get infected?   yeah.  yuck. band that you really want to see in concert?   i think more than anyone, i want to go see metallica with my mom.  they're one of my faves, and my mom, holy shit, they're like mortal gods to her.  i know she'd cry at one of their concerts.  she'd be overjoyed, and that'd make me happy. which baby animal is your favorite?   meerkats, once they get more fur and open their eyes. would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum?   thought about it a few times, actually.  however, i have the side of my nose pierced, and i don't think that plus the septum piercing looks good.  i mean yeah, i could take out the piercing i have, but i think i like it better.  i still look at septum piercings on pinterest sometimes tho lol gay marriage: love is love or a horrible stand against god?   i honestly think it's fine.  i didn't for most of my life, but i came to realize i was wrong.  and besides, jesus says nothing negative about homosexuals.  in fact, there is one statement he says that in our modern language, is understood to say some people are simply born that way.  however, the word used has multiple meanings, so.  fun fact, most of the old testament, their rules are for the jewish.  jesus' coming and crucifixion forgave the sins of the old testament. do you cuss?   yes, because i don't believe in "curse" words. who’s your celebrity crush?   link neal fuck me pls did you have a furby when you were younger?   haha omg yes if you had a baby girl, what would you name her?   ALESSANDRA "ALICE" QUINN YES YES YES VERY GOOD if you had a baby boy, what would you name him?   i'm stuck between the names "vincent" and "luther," so idk. what part of your body are you self-conscious about?   most self-conscious about?  my stomach.  i have stretch marks on it now, and it just... grosses me out.  i used bio-oil while we had it and it helped, but it costs about a hundred bucks, so we haven't been able to afford it again.  now i use a coconut cream or something like that, and i don't think it does much.  i also hate my inner thighs, which also have stretch marks.  my right leg is especially bad, because my laptop burned the design of them into the flesh to where they're a brown, obvious color.  ugh.