Why Everyone Should Read "A Mango Shaped Space"
Wendy Mass was the first author I ever truly loved. Believe it or not, it took me until the ripe age of ten years old to truly love reading. And I remember the first book that actually got me hooked, and no it wasn't Mango, it was, however, by Wendy Mass. And, in classic little kid style, it was part of a series of books and I read them backwards.
And, I really just want to congratulate Wendy Mass on her writing abilities. She made me laugh, squeal and cry in one whole night. Three hours, to be exact, as that is how long it took me to read the whole book. And, well, it'd been a long time since I read it, so I didn't remember too much about the book, and what I did remember was the most tragic event in the book, the premise, and that the main character saw her grandfather in her kitten.
And, well, even though I knew what happened, I knew the tragic event was, well, tragic...it still didn't prepare me for it enough because I sobbed like a baby when it happened. I don't want to say what happened because, spoilers, but like, jesus christ, I cried. And I don't do that very often with books these days.
Anyway, I really recommend reading A Mango Shaped Space if you haven't, because I saw myself in the main character. Now, I don't have synesthesia, but I still saw myself in Mia, and maybe you will too. If you don't want spoilers for the book, then I suggest you stop reading here. If you don't mind it, if you need more convincing, then read along!
My first though when rereading this book was: Wow, Mia, you and I are so alike, I can't do math either. My second thought was, wow, Mia has anxiety. The opening scene is our protagonist, Mia, trying to solve a math problem and failing. She's never been good at math and she says it's because of the colors she sees and how it just doesn't work correctly when she tries to do math.
Mia was in front of the class trying to solve a math problem, and since she's not good at math, she's trying to stall for time, so she attempts to solve the problem while putting all the numbers in the "correct" color. Except, other people don't see the world as colorfully as Mia, and this ends up with her in the principals office realizing that maybe she's different and that it's not a good thing. This ultimately ends up with Mia trying to hide how different she is.
Now let's pause here for a moment. This scene not only builds up the entire plot of the book, but also reminds me of a lot of different things. Whenever someone thinks there might be something wrong with them, it can often be overlooked. With Mia it was her synesthesia, but with other people it can be so many different things. Autism, ADHD, depression...
I think this book is coded for neurodivergency, whether Wendy Mass meant it or not, and honestly, that means so much for me. And I'll further explain why I felt that way as I reveal more of the story, but for now, just trust me on this one.
The next scene sets up Mia's life as it currently is. We meet her best friend Jenna, her mom and dad, and her little brother Zack. And let me tell you: this family is weird and I love it. Wendy Mass built the characters so realistically, she legit brought them to life. Her little brother is obsessed with superstitions and has kept track of every single McDonalds burger he's ever eaten. Her older sister basically never touched grass in her life and then spends a summer in California and is obsessed with all of these nature-y spirity things. Her mom is very clean and horrible with dealing with emotions. She used to be a science teacher and loves astronomy. Her dad is the more sensitive parent (which like? Hello! We never get that!) He's constantly building and expanding their house, which is something he'd battle with his dad against until he died. He flies a hellicopter!
And then there's Mia. Who, like me, sucks at math, is okay with english and history, and is super artistic. She gets overwhelmed by a lot of noise, which the first time we see this happen, is when her brother turns up all of her clocks so when it strikes 5pm they'll all go off. It's super loud and overwhelming and Mia can't see straight. I get that way too, and the way Wendy Mass writes is super relatable.
If I had been prepared, I would have been able to anticipate the onslaught, but now it is overwhelming and I feel like I'm suffocating.
I get this way too! When things are too loud, if there's too many people around me, etc, I can't breathe, which Mass depicts, too. Mia has to crouch on the floor just so she can breathe. And then when the noise goes away, which causes the colors to go away, she can breathe again. This is a realistic depiction of anxiety, and while this is due to Mia's synesthesia, I think a lot of people can relate to how Mia is feeling in this moment.
Mia is then, understandably, afraid of hearing too many sounds, but when she takes control of the noise, like putting on music, then she's perfectly fine with it. Here's another quote from the book which just resonated with me.
All of them, belonging, at that minute, only to me.
This quote is in relation to the colors, but really just accurately depicts how when we have control of things, you really just feel at peace. And since it's preceded by such a powerful scene of feeling out of control, I think this sentence is just kinda perfect.
Another powerful scene is when Mia meets another kid like her. His name is Billy and he's five years old. Mia meets him at a supermarket and at first she doesn't realize that he's like him, but when she's does she's shocked. And, reasonably, scared and confused. This pushes the plot forward, and the next big scene is Mia coming clean to her parents. But first, just another quote that made me scream.
These visits are hard for her, no matter what she says. Or doesn't say. I hurry back to the house thinking of all the things we keep from other people. Even our best friends.
This quote sums up so much of the book, and it comes so early on. Mia's been keeping her synesthesia to herself for years, and it causes so many problems. It makes her feel isolated, which in turn, when she finds out that there are other people like her, makes her go crazy. She hyperfixates and loses track of whats right in front of her. Wendy Mass depicts what life is all about, depicts something that can really happen to anyone, depending on how isolated they feel. And it doesn't have to just be with synesthesia, it can be with anything! And that is what I loved about this book more.
If you haven't been convinced to keep reading, well...we're only on page 50.
So, like I said, the next big scene is Mia telling her parents that she has synesthesia, though she doesn't yet know the name for her condition. Beforehand, she's talking about why certain things, like math and languages are hard for her, because, no matter what she tries, they don't make sense.
When she tells her parents about the colors, they reasonably freak out. They argue back and forth about how it's their fault she's this way, the mom tries reason it with Mia having just memorized the colors because of the blocks she played with as a kid, and then they decide to set up a doctors appointment. All they want to do is fix Mia.
Also, I just want to point out, at this point, that even insignificant characters, like the history teacher in this book have such stunning quirks. The history teacher is a germaphobe and when Mia gets called down to be picked up, she doesn't know what it's for and her instant reaction is "did I put my history homework in the wrong pile?"
And, if I haven't given you enough quotes, heres another one that resonates with me.
At that point I would rather have been called anything but crazy. It's one thing for me to call myself crazy. It is another thing entirely when a doctor does it.
At this point in the book Mia has been referred to a therapist, or that's at least what they call her. Who, by the way, assumes Mia's making this up. And Mia thinks that because she's been referred to a therapist the doctor is calling her crazy, which, I don't entirely think he was. He just wasn't sure what to do about her condition since he doesn't specialize in that field.
Anything, the next thing we know, Mia tells her best friend about synesthesia and she gets upset. Previously in the book we learned Jenna's mom died when she was young and it had such an impact on her, which is why she's scared that Mia had been hiding such a big part of her life from her. She doesn't understand what is going on with Mia, and she seems like she might be sick at this point in the book, since nobody knows what synesthesia is. So, they have a fight because Jenna is scared that her best friend might die, even if she doesn't say it out loud, we can tell.
Mia then meets the therapist and gets referred to a neurologist, who, when Mia and her mom meet in person, then tells her what synesthesia is, since he specializes in it. He then says they can meet again sometime, sends Mia off with a website, and she's reasonably happy. She then spends the later half of the book hyper fixating on her new terminology, learning more about synesthesia, and making a new friend through the website. All the while ignoring what she has in real life. She distances herself from Jenna, who she finally made up with, and the rest of her friends. She ignores her schoolwork, and even does acupuncture because she read online that it really brings out her colors.
Now, at this point, I think it's only fair to bring up the cat, Mango. The namesake of the book. Mia first met Mango after her grandfather died, and she reminded her of him because they had the same eyes. She believes a part of her grandfather lives on through Mango, which softened her grandfathers death. But, the thing is, Mango, despite being fairly young, is dying, which is hinted at through the book. Mango has a lung condition and takes medicine for it.
During a meetup of people with synesthesia Mia has her first kiss and it's the best night of her life. And then, once she gets home, she realizes that Mango is missing. He'd gotten trapped outside. Mia brings him inside but something isn't right. Mango is dying and the roads are flooded. They try to take him to the vet via helicopter, but he dies on the way. And Mia is blaming herself for it. She thinks she hadn't been paying enough attention to Mango, and because of that he died.
My eyes open wide, and the pain hits me in thick black waves. Then I scream loud enough to wake the dead. Only it doesn't.
This quote was what made the tear-gates flood. Mia is grieving and hard. And during the next couple of chapters there are so many raw quotes, things like "I wish the ice would go right through me and take the pain away." Because Mia just lost her best friend, and she doesn't know how to cope. And also, her colors are gone, because it's a traumatic experience and apparently that happens.
And, also, it's Jenna's birthday party that day, and Mia just feels stuck in bed. And Jenna is blaming the synesthesia get-together for Mia being absent to being early for setting up. This gets resolved quickly by Mia's mom calling Jenna and explaining that Mango died, but this further shows us that Mia really had been neglecting everything in favor of researching/being hyper-fixated on her diagnosis. On her explanation of why she is the way she is.
The book then comes to a close with Mia finding Billy, whom she had been searching for in hopes of helping him and his family learn more about who he is and what he has, and with Mia reconnecting with her loved ones. And really, they ended it even softer with finding Mango's children, because he'd been courting another cat. Jenna's cat.
And well, I just really loved this book. So, please, please read it and tell me your thoughts. Did you also find that it's coded in nuerodivergency and other mental health issues?
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