#YOU ARE NOT CRINGE FOR NOT CONFORMING

[ponyt4il]

what keeps me up at night is the fact that i will prob entirely abandon all of my fav things for love….and im so deadass and i don’t wanna hear anything about how the persons not right if they don’t take all ur freak….well then who the FUCK is going to understand the appeal of sanders sides in the big 25.

i would have to find the most passive person in the universe who thinks this cookie is WORTH having me rave about fucking logan sanders….ive done it before w ppl who used to watch it and now are soo far gone from it and im still so in the trenches. they look at me like a weird child when i don’t want to be perceived this way. embarrassing….

[ohlawdthebirds]

*muttering under my breath*

My fic might be cringe but at least it's not ai. My fic might be trash but it's from my brain. My fic might be self-indulgent but I made it with love.

[snekdood]

message to people who wish i would cringe at myself and retreat from the world:

my whole life people have been trying to make me cringe at myself, and quite frankly, i'm tired of falling into it because literally nothing of benefit ever happens when i do, so mayhaps reinvest your efforts elsewhere bc i cant be assed these days.

[plumsaffron]

I don’t care about this oh this is the protagonist. This “we" are "suppose to feel" “sympathy" for them.

Enough of this “we" filth. What “we?” Shut up shut up FLOP

This is how uncontrollable delusions become the way of many.

Collecting numbers as I deride miraculer(s) mob mentality.

But go on and continue to rot but stay alive unlike Gabi.

Conformation remains so strong.

[legallypumpkinn]

Ygs… as long as whatever you r doign isn’t harming anyone or doesn’t have the ability to harm anyone in the future….. fuckign do it. ‘Ohh but it’s cringe!’ stfu. I do not fuckign care. ‘But people might make fun of me!’ do they have a valid reason to criticize you? No? Then keep doing what makes you happy!!!!!!!

[fvnkyfvnk3r]

i heard saddles are now craftable in minecraft so i went back for the two-week obsession

this time my skin is handsome squidward, and my little brother has called me both cringe and overly autistic

he's right, of course

[lastoneout]

People don't like to admit it bcs cringe or w/e but Homestuck really did revolutionize the webcomic as a storytelling medium and I am endlessly frustrated that before webcomic artists could really stretch our legs fucking webtoonz swooped in, set a new, more restrictive standard, and then monetized and monopolized the ever living fuck out of the concept of The Webcomic until it drove away anyone who couldn't be a professional quality manga artist for free, and now the only webcomics that actually feel like spiritual successors to Homestuck are so obscure they're basically cult classics that you have to beg people to read.

Like it's just so wild to be in high school and see Homestuck be like "we're using like fifteen different artistic mediums to tell this story bcs we can" and be really fucking inspired by that, only to grow up and see basically every webcomic ever have to conform to One Single Standard or fucking perish.

[wolfertinger666]

sorry if I seem bitter or not, but it does make me upset that people preach about transmasc body positivity and always say "you don't owe anyone masculinity <333" and it kinda just makes me cringe a little bit because;

the same people who are preachy about that specific message or the likes are the same people who have misgendered, undermined, and have been violently transphobic towards me for expressing my trans guy identity in a way that makes them uncomfortable (not wanting to conform to basic gender norms)

I have been told that drawing my own body type one on one is fetishization and dysphoric inducing. I'm pretty numb to it now it's still frustrating how hypocritical people and how people like me will quickly throw me under the bus. whatever.

[catboybiologist]

Femininity is powerful. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

I remember, during my exploration days as a "femboy", and my early days of transition, how femininity was punished. I've been called a "crossdressing fetishist", "womanface", "man in a dress", the disgusting list of usual transphobia... the sheer vitriol is daunting.

And I saw it wrapped in 'woke' language as well, or in the language of trans communities. "parodying femininity", "cringe babytrans", "womanface", "enforcing gender norms".... it's exhausting.

Too often the same people who will affirm your gender still punish you for expressing your actual gender. For trans woman, expressing yourself as a woman is punished. I've been told many times that I shouldn't express myself in a feminine way, ever, either because it "doesn't fit me" or because femininity is "shallow". It's tranmisogyny, yes, but its also just flat out misogyny. As much as the Barbie movie is a neolib "intro to feminism", the entire speech about "you have to be feminine but not too feminine otherwise that's bad and trying too hard" rings very true for transgender women.

My style oscillates between "casual women's cut clothing grad student" and "hiker butch" and "high femme in a dress", so I've seen the reactions people have to all of it. Expressing femininity is punished the most. No contest.

Part of the reason I'm saying this is because, well, I see a lot of positivity thrown around for "you don't have to adhere to the expression of your gender, you are your gender because its who you are, you don't owe anyone conformity." And this is fantastic! This is wonderful and true! But.... I see far more of this than I see positivity for transgender women expressing femininity, something that is relentlessly punished by society.

So here's my love letter to transgender women that aren't afraid to express themselves. Who find empowerment in femininity, and feminine expression. Who are able to break the misogynistic overtones that society has ascribed to things traditionally associated with womanhood, and capture them for themselves and use them to better become who they are. Who are able to survive the onslaught of people, especially early transition, who belittle and treat femininity as frivolous and weak, and instead use femininity as the source of their power and conviction.

Y'all are incredible. Keep doing what you do.

[sabrondabrainrot]

Aw man

With the recent podcast announcement I feel like it needs to be said, a lot of the VAs use this to vent their frustrations with the fandom etc and clear up things from villains and characters.

But I don't know why the VAs think it's ok to basically give the green light to harassment.

Them teasing the fandom for liking Sun and looking Nexus really just opens gives all these random little haters the go ahead to just harass away.

I think this stems from how the VAs aren't always happy with how people are interpreting their characters and stories but that's just the thing, stories are always up for interpretation. I don't understand why they're so unhappy when people see things that they didn't want people to see?

I like Nexus because I think he's a fun character. Fall from grace characters are fun. Old Moon and current Moon are both fall from grace characters. Just because they toss around cringe and "I don't know what people see in this character" can be pretty harmful because it'll slowly kill your fandom. Policing what fan content people make kills your fandom.

I honestly have to say, if you don't want people to see Nexus as sympathetic don't make him sympathetic? Nothing he did was outright heinous until maybe after he was being manipulated by Dark Sun directly? I don't understand why they're genuinely mad people are drawn to a compelling character like Nexus? He's not cringe. He's complex.

I feel like the writers sometimes trap themselves in certain molds and formulas with their characters and just can't see past what they've made to see all the facets. They don't put on different goggles and shame others for being out of the box.

It's the same with the Solar x Nexus ship. I personally don't ship it, but I remember being more active in the fandom when they were sending gore anon harassment to people who liked that ship and it was because the VAs themselves basically gave the fandom the full rights to harass shippers.

Again, if they don't like shipping then why are they making Nova x Frost? Why have masm be the crack fest that it was? Why have Foxy and Puppet together? Why have Monty and Terra get engaged? Why have Ballora and Mony discuss having kids? Why have Sunny and Roxas even be a thing?

They clearly have explored shipping themselves.

I didn't finish the podcast episode, I always find the humor crass and just not really worth it. I heard Sun was jokingly called a Mary Sue and I'm just...

Wow.

Sun worked for everything he has and quite literally nothing narratively goes right for him. His own twin started the show off actively hating him and enjoying his pain.

I also can't the misogyny in throwing around Mary Sue. Literally every self insert shounen protagonist has everything go right for him and no one complains. It's just the fact when it happens to a female character that it is suddenly a problem.

I wish people would do better. The VAs actively recorded what they said, listened to it, still thought it all sounded ok to send, and posted it anyways.

I just don't understand why you would jokingly hate on your fandom at all? It's not funny and just harms your community.

Do they want an echo chamber that creates nothing new?

Let bygones be bygones and agree to disagree. Not everyone has to think exactly the same as the next. Human beings don't conform to one single mindset.

[milfcastro]

Random bits of advice one can only learn naturally by genuinely not giving a fuck:

Literally the best way to meet people is to be strange and cringe and yourself and talk to strangers in public. You actually have to approach people because we live in a society where everyone's too afraid of being the first to make a move for fear of rejection and making a social faux pas. You gotta overcome that fear if you ever want to know people who you genuinely jive with. And there will be rejection, but you've lived a life, you know failure is second only to breathing. All that matters is that you're tenacious and unwavering in conviction.

You need to value every single day in a new way. It won't ever come again. It'll never be the same. One day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna die that day. Don't live in fear of the end; but take nothing for granted. Even the pictures you take, pale and static facsimiles of the real world, are utterly unique in the way you've captured a moment that will never exist again.

If you want something, you need to believe that you will get it. If you have that assertion (even subconsciously) you will be confident in taking steps to make it happen. humans loathe uncertainty, if you can convince yourself that it will be a certain way, it isn't scary anymore. But telling someone to just believe something is easy. How I do it is think "you will get x because you have the skills and the motivation to achieve it" and "you will accomplish y because you will/have done everything in your immediate power to do it and will build from there." This isn't even always true. I lie to myself to convince myself to do shit. And it works.

You've spent too long living your life by someone else's rules. You're scared and you want to conform to an ideal, but you don't want to wake up one day and think "I wish I had said "no" more," or "I haven't been true to myself for years, oh God, how do I become me". Trust me, that hurts a lot more than breaking free of a mould.

Don't be in a hurry. I've never lived my life in a rush; I refuse to be swept away in the culture of immediacy surrounding me. Everyone's so caught in the big picture they miss the life changing little details along the way. Savor every moment, every gradient of color, every miniscule interaction you have, and you'll actually find yourself a lot happier in the long run.

Smoke weed.

[genderqueerdykes]

As a genderqueer trans man, I've met far too many people who make "hating men" their entire fucking personality. And this is from cis radfem women, to trans lesbians, to cis male drag queens, to binary fucking trans men. So many people think "hating men" is how we solve society hating women. It is so not it.

"I hate men" is like people think they're scoring morality brownie points. It shows they've not actually taken any critical thoughts about feminism or the patriarchy. They're like "oh so I say this and people think I'm a good person? Cool then I will say it".

And sure there is nuance. In a lot of cases. But man haters really just cannot be arsed with this level of thinking, huh?

Sorry, I realise this is somewhat angry but! Obviously not aimed at you. Thank you for being so out spoken about this.

thank you so much for sending this i really, really appreciate it. you are so right.

it's literally a personality trait to so many people, it's embarrassing. like it's ACTUALLY embarrassing. people like to say cringe this cringe that. i think man hating, especially as a personality type, is one of the most embarrassing things you can choose to do. like we literally criticize misogynists here, people who genuinely spend tons of time thinking about and finding ways to oppress women. it's great that we talk about this. but making an entire personality type out of hating men isn't helping. it's not gonna make misogynistic men stop being misogynists. there are men who identify as proud misogynists. why is a woman identifying as a proud man hater be any different? same behavior.

"I hate men" is like people think they're scoring morality brownie points. It shows they've not actually taken any critical thoughts about feminism or the patriarchy. They're like "oh so I say this and people think I'm a good person? Cool then I will say it".

EXACTLY. it's virtue signalling. all "i hate men" is is virtue signalling. people trying to show off their peacock feathers to other people who suck up to terfs. they want to look like they're progressive and sound like a "good person". they so desperately want to be a "good queer," but all this is is sucking up to terfs and radfems. it's so painfully obvious that so many people see them as the ones who are "correct". i guarantee you way more people are secret radfems than they let on, or at the very least, parrot their beliefs without realizing. people will do everything in their power to discredit everyone but radfems and transradfems. like why are people so ready and willing to act like they're right about everything despite claiming to hate terfs. seems like a lot of the "i hate terfs" shit on here is also virtue signalling.

like, i'm calling people out for this. i'm so tired of seeing "op hates terfs" "terfs get the FUCK off my blog <3" and shit like that and then the person running the blog openly and giddily talks about how they hate all men. trans men. gay men. bi men. pan men. aro men. ace men. polyamorous men. bigender men. intersex men. gender non conforming men. butch men. genderfluid men. men who are also trans women. okay, well this is terf ideology. are you sure you hate terfs? because i think you're terfs.

like seriously the amount of people on here who literally spend all day sucking up to terfs and trans/radfems and then virtue signal and show off how much they say they hate terfs is staggering. the amount of people on here who proudly and loudly say they hate trans men and mascs with a passion but then turn around and "fuck terfs" is mind numbing. if you act like this, you're terfs. no matter what you think you're doing, you are sucking up to radfems and that's it. that's all you're accomplishing.

[jesseskai]

“Why would you want to change that?” 🏳️‍⚧️❤️‍🩹 (2024 comic)

This comic makes me cringe a bit and honestly, it’s such a surface level approach to this topic that makes me feel a bit dumb, but whatever. I drew this comic some time ago and never got around posting it because of that, but I think a bit of trans and gnc positivity is exactly what we need rn. This is something that haunts me a bit when I’m feeling low: why would I choose to transition when I fit the role of a girl perfectly? I’m feminine and I’ve lived years like this so, why do I need this? Why do I have to have a hard time when everything could be so easy? But the thing is, being trans isn’t hating who you are, it doesn’t mean you have to change everything you like and do to fit into whatever society expects from you. I am trans, but I’m still me. I can’t force myself to be a girl just because the person I am isn’t what a boy is supposed to be.

ANYWAY, now i have better ideas now to address insecurity around being gender non conforming as a trans person, but after all this was just a personal comic i did to feel a bit better, so it isn’t that deep. I will say that I really like the style and coloring of this comic !! i hope you liked it too lol <3

[frekyaka]

Another (old) oc

I forgot to post these a few days ago but I redrew my first eltingville oc I did like when I first got into the pilot for the first time? (Legit butterflies on billy ballsack..) she was supposedly scrapped because in my opinion I wasn't really feeling her and also because it's quite self indulging to the point I'm cringing on myself so I had to drop her ass, but I like how I did her hair so she's back in business BAAAABYYY

(also boken inglish forgib me 😢)

First design (I was making an introduction thing and gave up halfway)

Lazy redraww (I made her a bad bitch in the wte vers like damn..?? what even is my sexuality anymore 💀)

I guess background info? (I'll make one for Dane, yes I'm looking at you @/indohyusbarf 🫵😋)

warning: very lengthy.. ?? I'm just yapping at this point.. sorry bros.. got too into it.. 😭

Valentine 'Val' Cooper is one of the popular girls in eltingville high or whatever. She's related to Joe (crazy..), and works in Joe's comic book store as a punishment for her rich ahh parents because she was caught in a major scandal and to also learn how the real world operates, be in shes excellent for the job as she casually rips people off 5 times the price, she's a business woman, just like her parents, and uses it in her ability to get more money and shit, (casually steals money from the register). She's perfect for the job but she has a complete intolerance to geeks and nerds (she doesn't know the difference and would not care to even correct herself, as if on purpose), saying that they are the disease and should get rid off in this orb of a planet.

Reasons and her views on geeks or nerds in general??:

She places immense value on social status, popularity, and outward appearances, carrying a deep-seated belief that people should conform to mainstream ideals, often viewing those who stray from the norm (especially geeks and nerds) as socially inept or unworthy of respect, being a 'geek' signifies obsession with niche or unconventional interests that diverge from what they consider acceptable or admirable. Rather than deeply engaging with any subjects outside their comfort zone, she participates only in trends they deem acceptable (within popular culture), she's uncomfortable with the people who get so obsessed (in her opinion to a borderline extent), that this discomfort she feels manifests into having bitchy judgmental attitude toward those who become borderline obsessed with their hobbies, such as video games, comic book fandoms, or technology (typical geeky shittt, like damn girl you hate ppl having fun??)

Working in Joe's shop/having to interact with geeks/nerds:

When confronted with someone who has a deep fascination or obsession, Val's reaction will be overly critical or dismissive, rolling her eyes, interrupt, or change the subject abruptly (are you gonna pay or not? 🙄), believing that engaging in such conversations is a waste of time or even flat out embarrassing. She firmly believes that social interactions should adhere to certain unwritten rules, and those who openly geek out about their interests defy those norms. She finds it very difficult to tolerate long conversations about niche topics that they don't understand or enjoy, perceiving it as self-indulgent and inconsiderate to the person they're talking to. (Neurotypical mindset .. sighs)

Finally, her experience with the gang (the elting shits!!):

Bill - she hates geeks

Josh - she hates fat geeks

Jerry - she hates socially awkward geeks

Pete - she hates .. geeks

I'll make an in-depth of their relationships one day 💀

Dane (oc) - she hates gay people, geeky religious geeks

Her relationship with Dane: (a little snippet of Dane's personality)

They have a sort of rivalry, more on to Dane than Val (She could not care less!! 🤣🤣). Dane hates her guts so much (because in his opinion she's just like the serpent in Adam and Eve),which Val takes it in her advantage to humiliate him if possible.

Back then, Val tried to flirt with Dane when they first met, which Dane pulled the fucking bible and recited bit by bit from the passage

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8..

straight up yapping away, straight up yelling it mostly to himself and Val is just taking it in.. So then the next time they meet, Val is either notoriously bullying him or ignores him, which both infuriates Dane (boy make up your damn mind.)

HYPOCRITE PAST:

In her younger years, she proudly identified as an 'otaku,' immersing herself in the world of Japanese pop culture. She adored reading shoujo manga and watching romance shows. She dives her interest in crossdressing too, typically dressing up as beautiful anime men (ikemen). However, as she transitioned into high school and embraced a more popular persona, her relationship with these interests began to shift.

Her passionate love for anime, manga, and crossdressing that once brought her joy seems to clash with the image she has cultivated as the popular girl (due to her parents influence to her and the school). In her sudden lift in being part of her new social circle, she has distanced herself from anything related to geek culture, adopting a dismissive attitude toward those who continue to embrace it. What was once a source of pride has now transformed into a source of embarrassment, leading her to criticize and even resent those who identify as geeks, nerds, or otakus.

She immerses herself in being part of a clique, classic hookups and drama, she engages her watch of sitcoms,and other mainstream movies and shows within her new social context. Instead of engaging in crossdressing, she now focuses on wearing stylish and sexy bad bitch clothes in typical popular and societal fashion (you go girl YEAAAHHHHHH)

She often looks down on those who continue to immerse themselves in the culture she has left behind, failing to recognize the beauty of the very interests that once brought her happiness.

[mintaikkcorpse]

Hot take: I love it when characters say literally anything accept "I love you." Yeah, they're sweet, and they're great. But a lot of the times, the things they say instead of "I love you" feel so much more powerful.

Langa sitting with Reki at the skating park they go to and listing off all the things he likes about him, and then saying that he wants to skate infinantly with him? Adorable.

Gregory saying to Janine, "I take all your recommendations seriously. I want to know why you like stuff"? Beautiful.

Wukong saying, "The only thing I know for sure is that I don't trust anyone who isn't standing here right now" with Macaque noticing that and perking up? I WAS FUCKING SQUEALING.

Husk saying, "I guess you have changed" after Angel started trying to better himself while looking him up and down with bedroom eyes? AJFJJFHEHEHRHFUFHHDHEE

Stolas telling Blitzø, "You just risked your life to save mine" and Blitzø saying, "Well... so did you", was cliche and cringe, but idc I love it.

Aziraphale saying, "I knew you'd come for me. You always do", and Crowley saying, "Well, you said 'Trust me'"? They're so sweet I love them.

Adam saying, "Silly pup. You're mine for the rest of our lives". Okay, kinda fucked up, but Tadashi's into so it's fine. And it's actually really sweet in context.

Joe panicking and calling Cherry, "Kaoru" instead of Cherry when he was hurt actually caused me pain.

Louis saying. "I love carnivores. I always have. And all because of that idiot [Legoshi]" was one of my favorite quotes from season 2.

Shining Glitter Cookie being confused as to why Black Lemonade Cookie showed up to the concert, and then asking "...Did you come because I was coming?" and Black Lemonade not answering was literally all the conformation I needed on them.

I get that a lot of people (including me) like them bcuz it's the biggest conformation we get of a ship, especially queer ones bcuz queer ships have to work a lot harder for people to stop questioning if it's canon or not, but the quotes that come out of characters who can't just say, "I love you", are always so great that I can never be mad.

[enjakey]

Cringe, Just a Bit

Jake x you x Sunghoon | fluff, some smut, angst, cheating | Joey and Chandler au (the one where chandler crosses the line), students au | small drabble | work of pure fiction, NOT reality. I love Jake and Sunghoon sm. If you have a problem, don’t read it.

If you had to be completely honest, Jake was cringe. Not a lot, just a little bit, enough to always keep you in the middle- one foot towards him and one foot away.

You liked him, really, you did. You had so much in common- you took the same classes, went to the same cafés, ordered the same food. But when the honeymoon phase passed, you realised how different you were as well. You saw that, but Jake didn’t. He didn’t really know you.

The first time you met Jake, it was during a frat party. It wasn’t your ideal weekend venture but somehow, after your friends begged and pleaded and dragged you there, you had no choice but to stay. But your friends had left you to conform into the drunk and dancing crowd- surprise, surprise.

You were left on the sidelines, leaning against an empty wall, drinking soda while pretending it had alcohol in it.

Plus, you were meant to be driving everyone home.

When Jake approached you, his only intention was to fuck you. And you looked easy- not in the insecure and desperate for attention kind of way but rather the fact that you looked bored and out of place. He was drunk, you were pretty and like him, you wanted to get out of there. It was kind of perfect, right?

And when Jake approached you, the pretty boy of the frat and the nerd of the university, you were surprised. Because he didn’t know who you were until the moment he approached you with his cheesy pick up lines. He didn’t even know your name until you whispered it in his ear.

You could tell how horny he was- whether it was for you or because of the vodka, you didn’t really care. His hard-on brushed against your thigh and though his voice was confident, his eyes made his desperation for a high obvious.

And to be honest, you were kind of open to the idea, too. It wasn’t like you, to have one night stands with strangers- popular strangers, at that. But watching your friends have fun and realising that you weren’t was one of the biggest reasons you even allowed him to take you out of the frat and into his apartment only a two minute walk away.

You wanted to get away from the anxiety the party brought you- the headache, the burning cheeks and the heaving chest. Jake seemed like the next best thing.

Sex with Jake was pretty much everything that you had expected. His kiss was messy but deep, wet. His hands were rough against your body but you kind of liked that he was feral over you. His pants were breathy and ragged. And when he ate you out, he was groaning and licking all the right spots- he got the job done, which was more than what most men could do. And when he fucked you after that, dick slipping into you with ease, his thrusts were hard and fast. And both of you reached an orgasm, that wasn’t an issue.

It was good. He’d fucked you to sleep and then, he collapsed beside you.

Jake only decided to ask you out on a date when he woke up the next morning and saw you clinging onto his pillow, your hair scattered across his chest. He thought you were pretty (obviously, he wouldn’t have brought things this far otherwise), he thought you were cute. And he thought you looked so beautiful against his body.

Jake wasn’t the type to seek out relationships. But now that he was watching you stir awake, he thought he’d give it a shot.

Dating Jake- the way he was in a relationship- however, was not what you expected. It wasn’t to say he wasn’t a bad boyfriend, no. He was great- so protective, so caring and so entertaining. And the sex? Oh, the sex just got better and better the more he got to know you.

But he annoyed you sometimes- perhaps it was because he was him or perhaps because he was nothing like you. But you found your cheeks burning from embarrassment a lot more than you should.

He really did have a Wasian personality- it was his cool-guy attitude, his gen-z slang and his habit of throwing up gang signs. It was also the things he said sometimes- sometimes offensive, sometimes a bit too weird and try-hard. You didn’t know where he got it from- perhaps the frat, perhaps his friends back in Australia. But you were too scared to bring it up to him because it was reason enough for a fight.

Times like this, you would remind yourself of all the reasons you did like him. His accent, his laugh, his smart mind, his laugh, when he styled his hair away from his forehead, his eyes and of course, the way he bragged about you.

Jake, ever since the two month mark of your relationship, never wanted to be away from you. He loved talking to you, loved being beside you, loved watching you just exist in his space. This meant that you spent a lot of nights over at his apartment- studying, eating, sleeping, practically living together.

And during that time, you’d even become familiar with his roommate and best friend, Sunghoon.

Now, you didn’t know much about Sunghoon. You only knew him as Jake’s friend and when you talked, you knew him as reserved and quiet. He didn’t talk much, not to you at least.

But to be friends with someone as talkative as Jake, being a listener must have been perfect, right?

Perhaps getting to know Sunghoon was the biggest mistake you made- or your biggest blessing, you didn’t know which at the time.

It was another night spent in Jake’s bedroom but you were forced awake by an empty stomach. And when you stumbled into the kitchen, you saw Sunghoon there, sitting on the kitchen island with his laptop shinning a soft glow against his face, reflecting against his glasses.

When he saw you, his face and ears perked up like a puppy who could sniff his favourite treat- it was an expression Jake emulated a lot, too. You didn’t know who got it from who (let’s be honest, Sunghoon got it from Jake).

“Sorry, just grabbing some food,” you told him, but he didn’t respond.

Sunghoon hummed and pretended like he went back to doing his assignment. But when your back turned to him when opening the fridge door, he was looking at you. He tried to be sly about it, but it didn’t really matter because no one would catch him.

Then you turned back with a half baked sandwich in your hand and sat across from him. Sunghoon focused on his laptop again. You ate the cold, crumbly sandwich without complaint.

But then you started asking him questions- trying to get to know her boyfriend’s best friend. And Sunghoon succumbed.

That night, you learned that you and Sunghoon had a lot more in common than you thought. The cold, aloof Sunghoon was mostly just shy and introverted- much like yourself. And both of you were listeners, so you registered more about each other than you admitted.

And guess what? Both of your favourite books from your childhoods was The Velveteen Rabbit. And you had the same opinions on movies, had the same taste in music, laughed at all the same jokes and read all the same newspapers- Jake didn’t even keep up with the news, let alone media.

Sunghoon wasn’t the smartest, he got by. And nor was he the most popular- that was all Jake’s area of excellence. But he was human- he had interests, he had thoughts, he had worries. And those were things Jake never showed to you or acknowledged in you.

Sunghoon was soft spoken, attentive and just- he was everything Jake wasn’t.

In that conversation, you felt a spark. And to wish him goodnight felt criminal. You really, really, didn’t want to stop talking talking to him.

And that was concerning because it was something you hadn’t felt with Jake- that yearning, that interest to just talk.

You felt a spark that you hadn’t felt with Jake. And you were so certain (but it could have been the glow of his laptop and the darkness of the kitchen) that he felt the spark too, from the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled at you- that toothy, sharp, almost dangerous smile.

This was definitely getting you in trouble.

From then on, every time you were in their apartment, cuddled up with Jake on the couch or eating together, it was filled with stolen glances from Sunghoon and brushing past each other. Pretending like they didn’t really know each other, pretending like their late night conversations didn’t happen more than once after the first time.

Then it eventually led to Sunghoon leaving the apartment when you were around. He didn’t mean you harm- he just couldn’t watch it, you and his best friend being together. When you were clearly meant to be with him.

When Sunghoon first met you, he thought you were pretty. There was no denying it. But that was all that it was- it was equivalent to finding a stranger on the street attractive. Sunghoon simply moved on with his life.

But then it was that damn conversation on the kitchen island, it was the damn stress of the night and the cold sandwich and the forgotten assignment- he’d felt that spark. He’d fallen for you. He was drawn to you more than what was considered appropriate.

But the very next morning, he was reminded of the fact you weren’t his by the moans that erupted from Jake’s room- his skin slapping into yours.

Sunghoon was never jealous of Jake. But this would be the first time.

And those conversations over the kitchen island kept happening. At first, he thought it was all a coincidence- that you happened to always get hungry at night and he happened to always be up late doing work. But somewhere down the line, he knew that you were pretending to be hungry and that he was feigning work, waiting for you to crawl out of Jake’s room and into a conversation with him.

And you know what? Sunghoon knew Jake didn’t know you as well as he did. He could bet all his assets on it. Because Jake ran to him in a panic, asking him what he could possibly get you for your birthday. And Sunghoon had to stand there and pretend like he didn’t know, like you hadn’t shared half your life story with him by then.

Jake got you a mug. And it wasn’t a bad gift- everyone who knew you knew that you liked collecting mugs. But what pissed Sunghoon off was that Jake didn’t even know what kind of mugs you liked. You liked the funky kind, the kind that started conversations or made people laugh- in weird shapes or of unattractive animated characters.

Jake just… got you a plain mug. But okay, at least he knew you liked mugs, right? But it wasn’t the special edition of The Velveteen Rabbit that Sunghoon got you.

But the thing is… as much as Sunghoon was pining over you, he still couldn’t help the affection he had for his best friend. And when your birthday did come, Jake was wondering out loud if his gift for you was too basic (yes, it was) and Sunghoon sighed and exchanged his gift with him. Because Jake looked like he really liked you. And Sunghoon cared too much about Jake.

“Here,” Sunghoon said. “This is a better gift.”

And Jake didn’t question why Sunghoon knew it. He just hugged him and said, “thanks mate, I owe you one.”

Jake took you out for dinner at a swanky restaurant that night. It was a nice date, one filled with amazing food and funny conversation. And when you came back, he railed you into his bed as he whispered sweet words into your ear.

And Sunghoon, sitting on the kitchen island, sat through it all- your moans, his moans, the creak of the bed, everything. And he sat there, hoping that maybe, even on the night of your birthday, you would feign hunger in hopes of finding him on the kitchen island.

And you did. Sunghoon’s heart leaps into his throat when you did, his eyes filling with hope.

You smiled at him, approached him awkwardly, for the first time.

Sunghoon waited.

“I-,” you tutted, not knowing where to start. “I know you gifted me that.”

“What?”

“The Velveteen Rabbit,” you clarified. “I know it was you. I never told him. So- thank you, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon didn’t say anything after that. And in that moment, when he saw the way you smiled at him, saw the desperation in your eyes and the hesitation in your feet to step closer to him- Sunghoon leaps towards you.

No, he literally leapt at you and kissed you.

All his morals went out the window. He didn’t care that his best friend was only a few feet away, sound asleep in his bed, oblivious to the way his girlfriend was melting into his best friend’s mouth and touch.

And he didn’t stop kissing you and you didn’t stop kissing him. You felt guilty, in the back of your mind, you really did. But kissing Sunghoon? It felt like the best thing you’d ever done. And he was nothing like Jake.

He kissed you so much slower and passionate, treated your lips meticulously, held your waist and neck so strategically, pulled you close to him like you’d disappear if he didn’t.

He held you firmly but softly, he touched you like you were treasure. He breathed you in like you were oxygen and not just a girl he likes to fuck.

And, God, it felt too perfect to be true.

But as soon as euphoria hit you, you pulled away. You pushed him away softly by his chest and Sunghoon knew exactly what it meant- that reality was crashing, that this was wrong. You said it yourself.

“Fuck, Sunghoon, what did we do?” You were near tears, hands shaking as you brought them up to cover your mouth.

Sunghoon carded his fingers through his hair, letting guilt and shame wash over him. And suddenly, it was all too overwhelming. And he looked at you- he hated himself. He hurt his best friend.

“I fucked up, Y/N,” Sunghoon sighed, moving to sit on his chair again, head in his hands.

But you were still standing, still in the spot Sunghoon kissed you and took your breath away and turned your entire world upside down- what were you supposed to do?

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Fuck, I don’t- I don’t know,” Sunghoon sighed again. He wasn’t sure himself. Do you tell the truth and fess up? Do you pretend like it never happened?

Does Sunghoon just give up the girl of his dreams to his stupid best friend?

“Y/N, I’m so in love with you-”

“Sunghoon,” you sobbed, wanting to confess, too. Wanting to feel the comfort of saying it back- but how could you? You cheated on your boyfriend. It didn’t matter if you weren’t in love with Jake and it didn’t matter if the relationship wasn’t perfect- you cheated.

“But fuck, Jake means too much to me. He’s my best friend,” Sunghoon looked at you- almost like he was pleading, begging you to find an answer that could make all this go away. “Jake’s my best friend.”

“What do we do?” You asked again.

“I love you,” he said again. “But I can’t do that to Jake.”

That night, a little part of Sunghoon died. And he knew you took away a bigger part of him when you decided to leave both his and Jake’s life- no explanation, no apology, no actual time to adjust.

You just left, moved on, and left the two best friends shattered.