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wedreamedlove · 9 months

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To Live In A World - Light & Night Group Essay

Light and Night has an 18+ rating in China but, in my opinion, it's not for sexually suggestive scenes, it's for the topics they bring up that only individuals with solid worldviews can appreciate and discuss. One topic that comes up again and again is how an individual lives in the world: what makes someone choose to leave and what makes someone keep going?

Out of the 5 male leads in Light and Night, Sariel, Evan, and Osborn have tried to kill themselves. Charlie cannot even conceive of the idea of suicide, but he also discusses this topic and has his own coping methods to deal with suffering. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Jesse has the standard response that he can't give up on everything because of his responsibilities, his attachments, and his loved ones [SSR Prairie Fire DATE].

Trigger warning for discussions about suicide. Spoilers up to Chapter 19 and Charlie's 2023 birthday.

[SSR Escaping Into Dusk DATE]

Evan: "Do you know how to meet a mermaid?" His tone sounded like he was asking someone a question, but also like he was simply telling the opening of a story. Evan: "You have to swim to the bottom of the ocean—there it will turn pitch-black and blue skies will become a memory." Evan: "When you lie down in that silence and decide to become a part of it, mermaids will appear." Evan: "If your love is sincere and pure enough, they will accept you and take you away forever."

This story comes from The Big Blue and, in the context of Evan's date, refers to committing suicide. I think it's only fitting to start this essay with this haunting metaphor, and this also happens to be one of the times Evan tried to commit suicide during the period of his life when he enjoyed freediving.

TO LIVE IS TO SUFFER—

Since Evan opened this essay, we'll continue to talk about him. First, to understand what could drive someone to commit suicide, I will summarize Evan's background. He was born into a caring nuclear family that quickly disintegrated and so, at the tender age of 5, he lost the love and protection of both parents. Right after that, he was forced to go through the brutal training all Blood Clan members go through, such as survival training in the woods and the indoctrination of their superiority.

[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]

Evan: Yes, it was when I was a child and driven into the woods for the first time. Evan: I witnessed wild beasts hunting and escaped from the mouth of a snake. I felt that the forest was full of dangers and only wished to get out of there quickly. Evan: And, just when I was hungry and exhausted, I saw a bamboo mushroom. Evan: At the time, I didn't know what it was and whether or not it was poisonous. I looked at it and thought hopelessly that I might as well pluck it and eat it, and resign myself to my fate.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 14 Years Ago Fall TRAJECTORY]

I felt my pulse beating, ba-dump, ba-dump—and so I aimed the screwdriver at it and stabbed down hard. The second the blood spurted out I heard the sound of my soul drilling out too. It cheered and sang for the freedom and sunlight it waited for so long. I was a bit happy, because I discovered that my heavy body was gradually turning light. That feeling of being able to fly even without wings was addictive. The smell of blood was a strong fragrance and when it dripped onto the mud it even blossomed as a vivid flower. [...] This time no one would be able to stop my footsteps. When the blood ran out, I would be free.

[SSR Against One's Heart - 11 Years Ago Spring TRAJECTORY]

Whenever my body was spread open to be seasoned, I always prayed in my heart for rot to come. I think I would greet it with extraordinary calm and even a small smile. Of course, I would allow myself to retain a bit of sadness and this would be my last reverence and friendliness to life. I held this thought until the first spot of mold appeared on my body—I meant the fresh and still bleeding bowl-sized wound in my chest, large enough that my heart could almost fall out. There was no moment closer to death than now, however a long-lost fear suddenly grew crazily in my body until, in the end, I was defeated. I watched myself stuff cotton balls into my body, along with all my obsessions and wickedness, and the blood stuck them together, forming a new piece of flesh of its own. If death happened to arrive at this moment, he would surely laugh at my hypocrisy and cowardice. Fortunately, the dense night outside the window stretched in front of me like train tracks and I could even hear his departing footsteps that were too lazy to step over those tracks.

The Blood Clan ground away his individuality, his sentimentality, and his attachments. In his 1st birthday [SSR Enticing Feast DATE], Evan explains that all members of the Blood Clan are brought up to have no affections for anything but family. He couldn't be picky about his food, he could only read books that were approved, and his pet rabbit was killed. To make matters worse, Evan is also the black sheep of the Blood Clan. He cannot bring himself to be like them with their cruelty, arrogance, and depravity. He shares their instincts but he instinctively rebels against it and questions all of the Blood Clan values.

Can someone even be considered to be "living" in this existence? It's no wonder Evan doesn't think there's anything to keep him in this world, because he grew up without even knowing who "he" is as a person.

Despite all this though, Evan did manage to find a way to reconcile his self-destructive impulses. However, this answer is going to be left for the next section and, instead, we are going to move onto our next male lead who suffered, Osborn.

Much like Evan, Osborn was also born to a loving family that disintegrated, starting with his father leaving and ending with his mother's multiple attempts to abandon him before she finally succeeded. Once that happened, Osborn had no more attachments to this world and thought about how easy it would be for him to disappear without anyone noticing or caring. He grew up with this fear of being abandoned again and so was afraid to get close to anyone. This self-isolation was only exacerbated by the prejudice of people around him, who saw him as a juvenile offender, and made no attempts to understand him.

[SSR The 400 Blows TRAJECTORY - 14 Years Ago Early Spring]

I look forward, beyond anything else, to the moment I kill myself. At least this proves that, at the very end, before the world abandons me, I severed my relationship with it first.

[SSR The 400 Blows TRAJECTORY - 8 Years Ago Early Summer]

After waking up, he climbed to the edge of the rooftop and looked at the rusty red marks on the concrete floor that couldn't be washed away, like they were a silent accusation. So long as he jumped, he could escape everything. Will anyone grieve for me? Will anyone care about my death? Osborn blankly thought.

[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 6 Years Ago Early Winter]

He suddenly raised his hand and slashed at his own neck hard. However, the biting pain didn't bring a sense of relief. Instead, it hurt more.

[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 4 Years Ago Early Winter]

All my classmates had jumped and kept hurrying me. The waves grew larger and larger and I realized I really would die if I didn't jump. But there was an instant where I seriously had the idea of giving up. I thought about leaving things like this, because to me this had never been an act to survive but instead a punishment.

Freedom is a double-edged sword. In protecting himself by keeping others at a distance and not getting attached, Osborn had also walled himself off from the world. It was all too easy for him to be indifferent and flippant with his own life because he cherished nothing and believed that no one cherished him.

However, as we all know, people (and animals) did get under Osborn's defenses and became family members he took under his wing and who ended up binding him to this world. He also discovered his own way of reconciling with the world, which we will talk about in the next section.

The last suicidal man was Sariel. Unlike the others (except for Jesse), Sariel was born to a loving family and there were no tragedies in his childhood. Instead, it was the trauma of war in his early adulthood that brought him to despair. On the battlefield, he saw the cycle of hatred and revenge, what humans do at the extremes of desperation (cannibalism), massacred a village, and ultimately ended the life of someone he loved with his own hands. Everyone he knew and loved passed away, either due to circumstances or the long passage of time, and after fulfilling all of their leftover wishes he himself was left with nothing of his own but crushing survivor's guilt.

[SSR Meeting Spring FILM REEL - Undead Nightmare]

Sariel lay on the shore of the lake and it was unclear whether it was lake water or tears on his face. Sariel: Yet another failure. After that, Sariel tried countless times more. Since his talent would save him, then he would try even more drastic methods. However, his talent followed him relentlessly like a curse. Cut veins would heal, torn off limbs would be restored, and even his heart could recover its function after being pierced by a long blade.

Not mentioned above is how, for his first attempt, Sariel jumped off a cliff and his body was practically pulverized or how, in the scene prior to the translation, he tied himself to a rock and sank into the bottom of a lake to drown. Unlike the other men, Sariel would have truly ended his life on multiple occasions if it weren't for his talent, but since he couldn't die he became an empty husk that wandered the world instead, attempting to drown out his pain in vices like gambling and wine.

So now, after seeing how some of the men in Light and Night hit absolute rock bottom in their lives, how did they pick themselves up and walk all the way to the present to stand before us?

—TO SURVIVE IS TO FIND MEANING IN THE SUFFERING (GORDON W. ALLPORT)

As I have been mentioning, all the men in Light and Night were able to come to terms with living in this world, although it's arguable how "healthy" their coping methods are. In this section, I will not be listing the men in the order I introduced them, but rather by my opinion on the worst-to-best coping methods the men demonstrate. Naturally, this is an incredibly personal opinion and you do not have to agree with me at all. In fact, discussion would be happily welcomed!

First, we have Evan.

[SSR Escaping Into Dusk DATE]

Evan: Actually, it can't be called liking it. It's just that I was once a little addicted to the feeling of freediving. Evan: In a turbid world without sound, color, or light. Evan: You toss aside every tool and means and rely only on the limits of what the human body can do... Evan: It's true the pain brought on by this method is inevitable, but the freedom of the soul gained from this is very captivating. Evan: You will genuinely experience and truly reach your inherent limitations as a human being. Evan: And, in this process, you can also expand the limit of your boundaries bit by bit as much as possible. MC: It sounds like it's nearly walking on the edge of death. Evan: More or less. But it's certainly attractive, isn't it?

[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]

MC: When you're feeling down or that things are difficult, just fantasize about the wonderful life you'll have after achieving your goals. [...] Evan: After I achieve my goals? Evan: At that time, perhaps nothing will be important anymore.

There are two parts to Evan's reconciliation with the world. First, as I brought up in my essay "The Depth of his Feelings", I believe the way Evan flirts with death is a homage to traditional vampire literature and their attraction to their own death, but I also think this is a natural act of those who are suicidal and lost as a person. Owing to the Blood Clan, Evan questioned himself and his perception of the world, but nothing is quicker at grounding someone to this world than the undeniable physical sensation of their body's primal instinct to survive.

Second, Evan ended up becoming indifferent to death. Even though I'm mentioning Evan first for "unhealthy" coping methods, it's mostly directed at his near-death outlets, and I actually appreciate his acceptance of death. On that note, there isn't a contradiction here because, even if his body emotionally wants to survive, he has intellectually made peace with death.

Evan's view on death reminds me a lot of the Stoic ideal of the good death. The Stoics do not believe that death is anything to fear because everything comes to an end and, in fact, they believe that suicide is a choice and amoral. The door is always open to you if you choose to leave; the only caveat is that you must consider your circumstances seriously and make your decision logically and not on a rash and impulsive decision. For Evan, he calmly accepts death after he achieves his goal (of wiping out the Blood Clan) because, to him, his life would be complete and there would be nothing more for him in this world. It would be a good death. Evan's acceptance of his own death can also be seen in his 2nd anniversary card [SSR Yesterday's Elegy TRAJECTORY].

Alright, we've seen how Evan reconciled with the world, so now we're going to move onto Charlie.

[SSR To the Oracle DATE]

Charlie: Fiancée, freedom exists. Charlie: It's pain and sacrifice that let him feel the value of existence. [...] Because that person who treats pain as feeling the world and touches the weight of freedom is Charlie too. [...] Charlie: But they can't stop themselves from interacting with others. MC: Why do they have to be so persistent... Charlie: Because they still have hope for this world.

[SSR Solar Flare DATE]

Charlie: I cried terribly when I learned that he would never come back. Charlie: But when I grew up I gradually understood that maybe he had already decided to say goodbye to this world. Charlie: So long as people live they will get hurt. No one knows how much pain the seemingly optimistic and cheery people around them have endured alone. Charlie: Time couldn't heal his wounds and so he gave up on saving himself. I could hear the conflict in his heart. He was someone who clearly valued life a lot and always spared no effort in saving every single person. How many similar things had he gone through, how many helpless moments had he experienced, and how had he carried all of this to this day to stand in front of me... I had no way of imagining it. I could only hold his hand tightly to let him know that I was trying to understand how he felt. Charlie: The look in Myron's eyes before he was lifted into the ambulance made me feel that everything I had done just now might have been meaningless. Charlie: But I will still choose to save them. I can't explain why, maybe it's an instinct.

Like I mentioned, Charlie cannot even conceive of the idea of committing suicide but, ironically, he experiences the world through suffering. As a phoenix, he innately loves the world and its people, and that's why the injustices and despair in the world hurt him so much. So, how does he find an outlet for this pain?

[SSR Perpetual Journey Home TRAJECTORY - New Era 44 Late Autumn]

Charlie clenched his fist, making the tense veins in his arms and wrists bulge out before they submerged into his palm. His flat nails nearly dug hard enough into his skin to bleed. Only then did I suddenly notice that his broad palm was covered with crescent-shaped scars that curved in the same direction. The protruding white marks were old, but it was obvious they were quickly covered with new purple marks before they faded. MC: ... Don't hurt yourself. I placed my fingers on the tips of his fingers and tried to pry them away. But Charlie didn't loosen his hand. He bent his knuckles so hard that it seemed as if he was biting the skin of his palm painfully. And that pain actually entered my body through this touch. MC: Charlie, let go! I heard my own urgent voice, as well as the imaginary quiet sound of flesh being separated. His fingernails dug into his palm, which slowly began to turn red. MC: Charlie, I don't understand... I shook my head, tears staining my cheeks. I didn't understand why he had to torture himself like this. Or— I did understand, but I could only use this common logic to persuade him to stop harming himself. The glaring redness of his palm filled my mind like the shallows of a sea. I smiled bitterly. Wasn't pain just another way of breathing?

[SSR Under the Stigmata DATE]

He walked to my side and sat down, watching quietly as the boy turned back to plucking his black feathers, as if he had seen this done countless times. In a daze, I saw Charlie sitting there in a firefighter's uniform, his face covered with smoke and dust. And every time the boy plucked a feather, his expression that was on the verge of a breakdown softened a little, as if that action could relieve his pain. I also saw Charlie, wearing a white coat and looking exhausted. He sat there blankly, his hands still shaking slightly. I recognized this action, it meant that he had just completed a long operation. They all had the same contentment of pain on their faces. It dawned on me that this place, this house, might have been built by his father originally, and Charlie had also once destroyed it. But in the present, Charlie had built all of this by himself, brick by brick. Here, he overlooked the pain of his past, again and again, gaining the power to rebuild himself from it. I thought about how he found a way to use this pain, but this didn't mean that this pain no longer existed and I didn't want to see any Charlie trapped in it.

This is how Charlie reconciles with the world and his powerlessness. It reminds me of these tweets about trashed bathrooms and how, when people have no control over their life or environment, they will want to assert control over the small part of their environment that they still have the power to affect. In this case, what can you always affect? Yourself. In a way, this is somewhat similar to how Evan paces on the border of life and death, because not only does it make him feel alive but it also gives him control.

For Charlie, there are so many things that he cannot control in the world, especially other people's decision to take their own lives. He also lives under the extraordinary pressure and control of his father, who has been trying to mould Charlie into his perfect heir (and a god to rule this world?). By hurting himself, Charlie can be assured that he is still in control of his own life and his own decisions and this gives him the strength to pick himself up again and again, among all this suffering, to try and help more people.

You can probably see why I don't rate Charlie's method that highly either, because I don't advocate self-harm, haha. Next, after having seen Charlie's method, we move onto Sariel.

[SSR Seeing the Spring FILM REEL - The Mayfly]

Sariel (Phantom): Everything has a conclusion that you have no choice but to accept, regardless of whether it goes against your heart or not, or whether it hurts you or not. Sariel (Phantom): When this pain is too heavy, it's better to forget it than to confront it bruised and bloody. Sariel (Phantom): Living on relies not on redemption or reconciliation, but on forgetting. Sariel: Did you survive to that time just by forgetting? Sariel (Phantom): Yes. Sariel (Phantom): Rather than letting regret and pain erode your heart into an empty husk, it's better to forget everything. Sariel (Phantom): Live on, Sariel. Someone is waiting for you in the future.

As we saw earlier, Sariel would have succeeded in committing suicide if it weren't for his talent. This is why his coping method is to forget the weight of his pain before it drives him mad and turns him into something else. In this dialogue between himself, Sariel does question whether forgetting is just another way of escaping his pain, much like drinking; but, in my opinion, it's a valid choice to set aside the pain when you cannot handle it in the moment. Sariel sealed his power and memories away but, now that he has you to support him, he's unsealed his power and memories and has the strength to look back on his past and come to terms with everything with a less despairing outlook.

Lastly, we come to Osborn who, in my personal opinion, has the healthiest mindset.

[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 1 Year Ago Midsummer]

To be honest, I was disappointed in that moment. It was no different from any other rainbow that appeared somewhere after the rain. It was very beautiful, and very ordinary. The end of the rainbow was in fact just the end of the rainbow, and it was only my imagination of it that idealized it. But I still stared at it for a long time, until I found that the disappointment wasn't that terrible either. Because the world didn't care at all whether or not I was disappointed. Even if I never set foot on the road again because of this, the world wouldn't use anything I longed for to urge me to stay. After understanding this, I suddenly no longer gritted my teeth and fumed about disappointment. Because I discovered I had other things that could transcend disappointment: people who were willing to take risks with me when I took risks, and people who could understand my emotions that weren't understood.

The world being indifferent is supposed to be comforting, because it means that setbacks and disappointments aren't targeting you in particular. Successes are because of your own efforts and failures are because there were more uncontrollable elements than there were things you could affect.

Osborn internalizes this message and I believe it explains why he's such an active person. He has no expectations for the world and thus cannot be harmed by it any longer. He no longer needs to feel like he did in his childhood, about abandoning the world before it abandons him first. He managed to turn his independence from the world, which used to make him feel isolated, into one of his greatest strengths and it's also because he now has personal connections that bind him to the world by choice.

For my headings, I used a quote by Gordon Allport but, to be honest, I prefer the old Buddhist saying that "pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional" and, in my opinion, it reflects Osborn's perspective and why I, personally, think he has the healthiest relationship with the world. It's inevitable that there will be times when things don't go smoothly in your life and that you'll experience (physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual) pain, but it's your choice on whether to suffer during this period or not. Suffering is optional means you should realize the impermanence of this pain and if you can accept when things are out of your control, manage your expectations, and understand that whatever the world does externally to you does not affect your core as a person, then you will realize there are actually a lot of things you can overcome and that you need not dwell on them.

In the end, Light and Night is a game about hope and all the characters are growing, hopefully including the players who are following all of these characters in their journey. I also really like how the game doesn't affix one theme to one character, but instead approaches a theme from multiple angles through all the characters because, in this case, there is no right or wrong answer on how to live a life in this world. But, hopefully, seeing how hard these characters struggle to keep living can also provide some courage to those who are struggling and searching for their own path.

#light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln osborn #ln evan #ln charlie #ln sariel #ln xiao yi #ln lu chen #ln qi sili #ln zha lisu #meta of light and night

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racfoam · 1 year

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Honestly everytime I went to your tumblr page you have something new posted. Like I left you for 2 hours and there'll be 3 person who asked you for a snippet and you delivered it flawlessly.. Like honey, are you REAL?? Are you actually not an AI? How can a human be this creative and fast?? It's both impressive AND concerning, like, do you get rest? Don't forget to rest hon!!😔

I'm not an AI. Trust me, no AI can do this. 😤

I'm a real person. I'm going to prove it. Here are some silly memories of kid Rac when I was just a baby capybara.

I like swimming and freediving. I learned to swim when I was 2. I have gotten bitten by a cat when I was 9 but I also took care of stray kittens at that same age 😅 I got a permanent scar on my front lower part of the leg from crashing straight into a stone veranda on rollerblades when I was 10 I think. Idk.

I watched the DH Part 2 in the theaters when I was 11 and it was the greatest cinema-going experience in my life. I always had a crush on Harry. I watched the movies too young (when I was 8) and couldn't sleep from dementors. On the graveyard Voldemort made me hold my breath for the entire 8 minutes he was on screen, that was how scared of him I was. Shipped Harmione big time, they were so cute, especially in Prisoner of Azkaban (PoA Harry is the Harry 8-year-old Rac got a crush on). I didn't read the books until I was 14 and that was only an audiobook of GoF and I only listened to the graveyard scene. But I do remember the US covers. I remember that cover art; the image of Harry, in a sort of red cloak, the background of ruins, reaching his hand out, with the orange colours around him, like a sunset, or sunrise. I remember the sharp letters of Deathly Hallows. I remember seeing Voldemort's skeletal hand right to the left. Magnificent cover.

I think that art of Harry on that cover really stayed with me. I grew up on those US covers even though I'm not from the US. All the libraries had those covers, but with translation to my country's language, even the cover itself, with the font remaining the same. I knew every cover of every book, blue for OoTP, green and purple for HBP, the GoF, too... Yeah, those are the covers I grew up on. :) They're classic.

Unfortunately, all the libraries have now sent them to the shredder because the hardcover got worn (no respect for books sometimes, ugh) and torn. They're redoing it with the newest covers now as they come out and translating those. I don't have these covers at home. I'd really like to have those, but dear Merlin, the shipping cost from US by Amazon is so expensive. I do have some of the DVD boxes from the HP movies, though, so that's great :)

I take hot chocolate as bribery. I was actually pretty tired yesterday (I took a morning shower, big mistake, showers leave me sleepy the entire day) Yes, I sleep and get enough rest 7-8 hours per day. Thank you for worrying 😭❤️ Oh, I wouldn't say all snippets are flawless, but thank you for saying so. I just like writing and sharing stuff with you guys. I’m glad to know people enjoy my writing. I am also slightly avoiding writing nynn 40 cause I feel like it sucks writing-wise.

Sending love to you, anon! ❤️❤️

#asks

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benthicsbelow · 2 years

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I made a thing.

I had a crazy inspiration a few weeks back.... “what if I could make like faberge eggs... but with, like, sea eggs!!!”.

I KNOW RIGHT!!??

The theory was this:

if I can pull this off, its going to be super doops pretty.

doing an activity like this brings some of my crafty roots back into m'life and I could maybe even sell them??

focusing on such specific and delicate movements is a great outlet for my hyperactive mind

In Aotearoa we call these lil creatures kina, and y'all in other places call them sea urchins. When I'm out freediving I see lots of them in the nooks and crannies around the reef. I normally cant help but collect a few and stuff them down my wetsuit gloves in an attempt to bring them home on one piece (which is not always successful!)

I have soooo many kina shells at home now, so I decided that only way to test my theory was to order some crystal diamantés (I made sure to buy glass not plastic ;)), and get out my jewellery tools when they arrived.

At the weekend, while feeling very very tired, I finally sat down and started to experiment. The shells are sooo delicate that even a teeny bit of pressure can make them crack. However after a few fails, I finally managed to hand file every little white bump on the main rows (where the kina spines are attached to the shell) off this shell, and then carefully 'drill' a tiny hole (again with a needle file) in their place, so I could glue in the diamantés.

Did it take me a few hours? Yes, but it was worth it!

So here we are: 'Test' subject number one (shout out to all you marine enthusiasts that who got that joke btw).

Now I just need to figure out how to drill the perfect hole size so all the little sparklies sit perfectly flush against the shell.... ahhhhhhh pipe dreams.

#sea urchin #kina shell #aotearoa #ocean treasures #faberge #crafty mc craft face #new zealand #sea sparkles #diamantes #hyperfocus on the daily

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dolanmyer · 2 years

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My Forgotten Childhood Fears Unleashed (at a Peaceful Siquijor Getaway)!

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It was Friday! I had just submitted my final draft for a long overdue writing project. Boy, did I need a break! I knew I needed to go someplace else: somewhere peaceful, somewhere close, yet still with that faraway vibe, no less.

Most importantly, I needed to detach myself from my work-from-home station and the boring routine I had developed while I was stuck with the grueling long overdue writing project over the past few weeks.

Believe me, I love my pets a lot! Yet, simply staying at home on this particular weekend was definitely not an option. Also, taking my dog and three cats was too much of a hassle, especially with the logistics and documents required for traveling pets. I had to go somewhere alone. Don’t worry! They were well taken care of while I was gone.

I longed for a place where I could finally relax and unwind. I also wanted to go somewhere I hadn’t been to yet, someplace where I could find new inspiration or come up with more novel ideas and solutions for my personal projects.

Right then and there, I decided to go on a relatively short trip. I immediately packed my bags and headed straight to the mystical island of Siquijor.

Siquijor, also called Isla Del Fuego or Island of Fire, has always been one of my favorite go-to Philippine holiday destinations. This tiny island province (the third smallest province in the Philippines after Camiguin and Batanes) is just a boat ride away from the cities of Dumaguete (Negros Oriental), Cebu, or Tagbilaran (Bohol). It is famous for its beautiful and fine white sand beaches, turquoise seawater, and breathtaking underwater marine sanctuaries, a perfect paradise for freediving and scuba diving enthusiasts alike.

On this trip, though, I preferred to book a secluded Airbnb mountain stay. The place was called Canjahawon Nipa Hut and Restaurant. I was actually under the impression that I would be living in the heart of a jungle since it was located on a mountain top.

My cousin had found photos of this place on Facebook which he eagerly shared with me a few months ago. He had been yearning to book this place ever since he discovered it, but just hadn’t found the time yet. So I decided to do an advance ocular inspection for him, hitting both birds with one stone.

Besides the sheer remoteness of the place, the concept of living in a three-walled hut intrigued me the most. The fourth wall was actually a door that could be folded open to embrace nature in a rather really wide hug, I should say. On top of that, imagine sleeping under the night sky on a custom-made hammock with a swarm of fireflies hovering simply everywhere. Truly idyllic or so I thought…

So, I took the two-hour ferry ride to Siquijor. When I got to the seaport, everything looked practically the same as it did on my last trip. Besides the few recently opened businesses, there was really nothing new for me to explore. I quickly rented a motorbike and drove straight to my Airbnb stay.

I had been to Siquijor several times so I was already quite familiar with the main roads found on the map app. The drive itself was quite remarkable. I could clearly see and feel the change in both the scenery and the temperature.

What I find most fascinating about the island of Siquijor is that it is so tiny that you can literally go to the mountains from the beach, and vice versa, in mere minutes, not hours. The stark contrast of the hot and humid pristine white sand beaches against the cold and sometimes wet lush tropical rain forests is simply breathtaking.

Whether one prefers merely chilling on the beach, avidly exploring marine biodiversity, or painstakingly hiking in the mountains, there are just so many options to choose from. And that’s what I love most about the laid-back lifestyle on this island, not to mention the friendly and helpful locals. More on this in the next blog and vlog. For now, I really want to share something personal, but more on that later in this blog, as well.

Yes, I got lost.

Despite my self-proclaimed navigation expertise, I still got lost twice on my way to that remote Airbnb stay. The lack of cellular towers in the mountains simply rendered my driving app useless. But with the help of a few locals, I was able to follow their somewhat vague directions and miraculously arrived at the right place.

To say the last leg of this journey was tough, filled with unexpected twists and turns, would be an understatement. The private dirt road leading to Canjahawon Nipa Hut and Restaurant was strewn with rocks and was really rough two-thirds of the way.

I think only a 4x4 vehicle like a pickup truck or an SUV or a motorbike can easily navigate through this rocky and sometimes muddy terrain. Other vehicles would just be asking for trouble if they went this way. Those determined souls with more delicate vehicles, designed for tamer city driving, would simply park by the road and willingly walk about two kilometers to reach the final destination that is Canjahawon.

Thankfully, the remaining one-third of the way has already been paved with concrete, ending right at their doorstep, or their parking area, to be exact.

Besides the few photos my cousin had shared with me and the details I read on Airbnb, I hadn't really done much research about the place at all. This post-pandemic, more easygoing approach to planning a trip is a far cry from my more intense pre-pandemic methodology. Before Covid, I used to plan a comprehensive itinerary, complete with a printed detailed budget and breakdown of all possible expenses.

Besides the trip being spur-of-the-moment, I just didn’t feel the need for any background check or any special plans for this short excursion, leaving some room (I hoped) for any teeny tiny bit of surprise! Or probably, I was just too lazy to do any planning at all. Most likely the latter.

The entrance to Canjahawon Nipa Hut and Restaurant is a wooden door right smack in the middle of a bamboo fence. Throughout my stay, the wooden door seemed to always be open, as though it were welcoming each guest with open arms as they arrived. The perfectly glued round bamboo reeds were positioned in a particular manner to hide the interior, giving a sense of privacy.

Peering through the wooden door from the outside, I immediately saw a nipa hut, a native Filipino house on stilts, also blocking the view inside. Later, I discovered that it was one of the four huts available for guests to stay.

As soon as I went through the door, I instantly felt calm and relaxed. It was as though an invisible barrier had blocked all of my worries from tagging along with me on this short weekend getaway. I wish! The truth is: I simply decided to leave all of my mental baggage behind the door. I was kind of hoping that all of my mental baggage would voluntarily roam outside, get lost in the midst of the jungle, and never come back (wink wink).

The lobby was truly unlike any other lobbies I have ever seen. It was set up with nature as its backdrop, designed to blend rather than disturb the natural landscape and vegetation.

Beautiful and diverse foliage adorned both sides of the semicircular concrete pathway leading down to the lobby and the restaurant. A humongous ancient-looking mango tree stood right at the center, providing enough shade to the locally made lounge chairs and tables scattered under it. Pebbles kept the floor completely even and dry.

The whole scenery reminded me of the Elves’ domain in the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy. Or at least a portion of it…

It was the perfect place to check in. In fact, I didn’t even need to go through the usual check-in process where I had to present my ID and phone to show my Airbnb booking. The staff didn’t even ask for my full name to verify my identity. I just briefly introduced myself. And they simply welcomed me with smiling faces.

It turned out I was their only guest that weekend. It was a no-brainer for them to connect the dots right away.

Of course, they were not that naive to trust a complete stranger with a backpack showing up at their restaurant unannounced. I could tell that the owner and the two cooks (a male and a female, who also doubled as room attendants) were subtly verifying my identity while we were talking. The male cook then took me to my assigned nipa hut.

The nipa hut looked exactly like the photo I saw on Airbnb.

My nipa hut was found almost at the top of a hill, surrounded by foliage of all kinds. From the restaurant, I walked up a path of rectangular concrete blocks before I reached my hut. Along the way were two other nipa huts that were unoccupied at that time.

I climbed up the concrete stairs that led to the closed main door. The male cook who doubled as the room attendant opened the door and showed me around my hut.

The first thing I saw was the lobby cum storage area that led into the bedroom itself. At the very center was a queen-sized bed with a circular mosquito net. To the left of the bed was the main door, while to the right was the doorless entry to the bathroom.

A few feet from the foot of the bed was a native accordion door that opened to the veranda. The door could be folded from the middle to the sides to open it. It could not be completely closed and had no lock.

Half of the veranda were two custom-built hammocks, each meant to hold two people. The wooden floor extended from the lobby, through the bedroom, to the remaining half of the veranda. From the veranda, one could see the nipa hut on the next hill, the signature view of Canjahawon Nipa Hut and Restaurant.

My small nipa hut is just perfect for solo travelers or couples. The built-in hammocks are one-of-a-kind and the view from the bed or the veranda is simply awesome. Canjahawon Nipa Hut and Restaurant is the perfect place to relax and unwind.

I have always dreamed of becoming a novelist. I booked this quiet, secluded place with the intention of either beginning to write my first novel (that I have already outlined in detail) or drafting the outline of my second novel. So, after my late lunch at the restaurant, I laid on the hammock and started to write. But not for long!

My lunch got the better of me and I dozed off. After a while, the afternoon sun’s rays hit the whole hammock. I woke up still drowsy, moved to the bed, and slept some more. I didn’t get up until around 5 PM, just in time for dinner.

After dinner, I started drafting the outline of a portion of my second novel. Not for long, though! Why? The power went out.

Unable to think of anything else to do, I laid down on the hammock to ogle at a million fireflies hovering in and around my hut, the huge mango tree at the lobby, other smaller trees, the neighboring huts, all the way to the restaurant and beyond.

I spent several hours in sheer bliss. So zen! My mind was all blank, all calm, all peaceful.

The fireflies stayed with me all the way until midnight. They only left me when it began to rain really hard. Everything went downhill from there.

Suddenly, my imagination ran wild! I vividly saw in my mind's eye a huge anaconda crawling up the wooden column of the hut. It seemed to be on its way to my hammock to get me.

My childhood fear of snakes was unwittingly unleashed! Probably due to the dead snake I had almost forgotten about. The one I saw in the middle of the road on my way to Canjahawon.

I had planned to sleep in my hammock the whole night in the rain. The cold was tolerable. It would have been a novelty to lie all drenched. Unfortunately, the mere thought of one huge snake crawling up my hut was enough to make me change my mind. I was left with no choice but to go to bed.

I tossed and turned for hours. The closed, albeit unlocked, veranda door triggered my imagination to go on hyperdrive. My fear of the imaginary anaconda was soon replaced with a more realistic fear of robbers or murderers out to get me.

I was quite aware that it was all in my head. Yet, I still felt vulnerable and afraid! I decided to stay up all night in full alert mode, listening to music to calm my frazzled nerves.

Call me paranoid if you like! I rarely feel safe sleeping in the absence of reliably locked doors. There are few exceptional campsites I feel safe enough to sleep in. I normally shy away from camping or sleeping outdoors since I would be lucky to sleep a wink at all.

I finally felt safe enough to sleep around 5 AM. The sky was brighter then, since the sun was about to rise. I woke up at almost 11 AM, missed breakfast, and was just in time for brunch.

My Host was gracious enough to extend my checkout time to late afternoon. No one else was booked that day, that's why. So after brunch, I killed time driving around the island.

Driving through the countryside is one of my favorite pastimes. It is one of my simplest pleasures in my minimalist life. Some of my best ideas had been thought out while driving.

Driving through Siquijor is a dream! What more could one ask for? Fresh air, practically no traffic, exquisite scenery, and more!

After my drive, I checked out of Canjahawon Nipa Hut and Restaurant and checked into a non-Airbnb place. My new place is definitely not worth mentioning because it was not as interesting or unique as Canjahawon. Rinse and repeat! All I did was sleep, eat and drive around throughout the entire weekend. Then on Monday morning, I took the first Ocean Jet trip back to Dumaguete.

End of this adventure, ready for the next one!

Here's my to-do list for my next trip to Siquijor:

freediving at Tulapos Marine Sanctuary

another unique stay in Jungle Hut (Lazi, Siquijor)

get freediving (AIDA) and diving (PADI) certified if I don't get them sooner in Moalboal (Cebu) or Panglao Island (Bohol), whichever trip comes first.

This is my major takeaway for this adventure:

I need to accept my fears with open arms. I have always thought that I had already overcome my fear of snakes. Yet, it still hit me by surprise from out of the blue. I need to address my fears the best way I know how.

Fear is a given. It will always be there. Instead of spending all my time fretting about it, I will deal with each fear as it comes, only if it actually happens. I will live one day at a time, one fear at a time. My general rule is: to forget my fears until I actually need to face them.

I read somewhere that to overcome one's fears, one must expose himself to the source of fear. Come on! Who would want to be stuck in a place with an anaconda (just like the movie), or a man-eating shark (just like in Jaws, the movie)?

Thanks to freediving (one of my favorite hobbies), my fear of sharks seems to be not that intense anymore. I guess reading articles and watching documentaries about sharks helped me de-escalate my fear. In contrast, I continue to feel an intense fear of sea snakes and all kinds of snakes in general, since I find them too disgusting to look at even in mere photos or videos.

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benefits1986 · 6 months

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Silent Battle Cries Out Loud

When the strongest bleed in a silent battle, the cry inside is deafening. LUH.

After months of sleeping so little except for the time when I did OD on anything that has downers, I slept for solid 7 hours last night. HUHUHUHUHUHU. Must be because of the pimples that are kinda going off strat due to dressing depression and suppression like Japan 2024 is here and now. LOL. I guess it's me making super tiny steps toward the dalisay era and AKO NAMAN, FINALLY mindset. I guess it's because I'm finally able to reclaim my space instead of settling with a space that's not up my alley since H2 started. I guess it's because I've been more intentional instead of just seeming like one as I always adjust. I guess my core is in a better place, too. Hala. I guess, it's because the universe is sending me people that bulldoze my well guarded "CTRL + ALT + DEL emotion" framework and SOP. I actually folded my arms close to my chest after plugging the previous statement. GAH. 'Yan kasi e. Adik sa one last fight na sobrang hassle ng behind the scenes para makapunta doon in the name of not leaving the kitchen when it's sooooo kalat, kagulo, and kainit.

I have been fighting silent battles as a lone wolf. Funny that a good number of Gen Z workmates who I try to look after sa abot ng kapurit na kaya ko flip at my mention of being a recovering lone wolf who's bulldozes KPIs like a madwoman. Hahahahaha. Hindi pa rin ako sanay sa collaboration to be honest. Hindi dahil magaling ako or marami akong alam, mhiema, hindi ko pa rin sure anong tamang spelling ng "believe" na napaka basic naman talagang i-spell, opo. Silent battles are meant for lone wolves because they can be concealed creatively. LOL. How creative? Suicidal attempts in bringing no gears in Pulag, spelunking in Sagada, and freediving in Coron without any lesson levels lang naman. Poetic gusto mo? Philosophical, bet mo? Eto. Metal version.

Last night, I downed an Asahi beer in can. ANSARAP kaso I woke up bloated and puffy. UGH. But, it's okay. Siguro, it's also a sedation season in the name of actually calming my always "ON FIGHT" mode selves --conscious, subcon and uncon. Siguro, eto na 'yung answered prayer ko since 17 na sana naman, matuto akong bumitaw sa trust issues ko and kumapit ng legit sa faith kahit shemay, parang ikakamatay ko na yata talaga 'to ng maaga. Emotional surrender is suicide in my book. Labo ko no? May grand plan na prod levels ng undetected suicide attempts pero ayaw ng emotional surrender kasi mala-suicide levels siya. I'm not making fun of suicide. It's just me and my fucked up thought farts that I want to put out in the open for a change.

Speaking of which, probably one of the most UGH and sapul convos I had yesterday was about being not okay because it's okay. While I know that it's okay to not be okay, I retorted na: It's okay not to be okay, but look okay. LOL. Hahahahahahahaha. Maipilit lang talaga ano po? Wala akong pake. I dress my silent battles like ready na ako mag first flight out, last flight in. Ayoko kasing mukha akong kawawa because, we don't do fucking basic. Dressing is a rebellion for me kaya trends are but meh sa akin. Good thing that the 90s is back, back again. EMS. Alam ko namang ode to consumerism in the name of the inner child na naman ang 90s retro pero ang dali kasing ma-fake na okay ako when I dress up. Hahahahahahaha. Not to attract attention. Not to gain approval or validation. Not to call for affirmation. It's me looking at the mirror so as not to ask myself if I'm still there. HALA. Ang arte na naman sa ganitong kaaga niyan? Yes po. I intentionally try to look differently kasi bored na bored ako sa default look and vibe ko. 'Yun lang talaga siya.

I think I've said so many times na I am best 'pag nakapambahay lang ako at 'di naliligo. :D LOL. That's the other side of my depression and suppression. Walang middle ground. Sana lang talaga may totoong kilay na ako na maganda as in 'yung legit na tutubo na lang siya kasi ayoko ng microblade kahit marami akong tats. Weird lang kasi nung fade. NKKLK. Castor oil and sunflower oil make my skin ugh naman soooo, ano na? Wish ko na lang ba ito for this holiday szn?

The silent battle cry is meant to be downed with your people, your tribe. More importantly, you should allow people to hear your stories no matter how cringe and gory they are. You should permit yourself to be vulnerable in the name of actually shedding light to what the root cause is or are. You should trust the process and embrace the blind side. You should bet on the bright side even when the nimbus cloud seem linger as the storm crashes into you and your universe. LUH. Kaya ko na ba talaga? Unti-unti. Derecho lang. LUH. Hahahahahaha. Abangan.

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teaboot · 5 years

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Reasons I wanna be a shapeshifter:

1. I could be a cat and just sleep for years in someone's house and not pay rent 2. I miss being bald sometimes but also long hair is fun but also it gets tangled so easy and short hair is better in a fight and long hair looks more conservative for work but when it's short I can spike it and ugyjcgjgfyhffhhg 3. My friends all need to know how cute they are IRL and I could make that happen 4. I could meet people online and if they turned out to be creeps they wouldn't be able to track me down through my pictures 5. I like smooth legs and not having to shave would be neat 6. I'd win every game of hide and seek ever 7. Punk rock on the weekends and clean-cut at work 8. Bright funky hair whenever I want 9. Teeth teeth teeth teeth teeth 10. I've always wondered what it would be like to have a prehensile tail 11. Freediving, if gills and blubber are options 12. Ah Yes Hello Unpleasant Relative, I Am Your Niece, She Is Not Hiding From You 13. Gender Reasons 14. Endless free samples at costco

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fionahorne11 · 4 years

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2020 ... the year of perfect vision ... especially when your perfect vision is not what you conjured but what you were shown you needed. After excitedly announcing just before Christmas I was leaving the Caribbean to move onto a sailing boat and cruise the Pacific Ocean ... Christmas Eve found me having to pack up and move off the boat. So my destiny was not to sail the oceans... but to cry oceans of tears instead. As bewildering and devastating as the events that unfolded over five short days were ... I saw myself accountable for my role and ultimately grateful for the brutal lessons. Christmas Day I wanted to hide and cry - but I remembered to say ‘yes’ and not isolate ...and spent the day at my dear girlfriend’s home helping her host her Christmas Party surrounded by love and laughter. And so last night I spent the start of this year not under the stars on a sailing boat ... but looking at the lights of one, with dear friends, old and new. My New Year’s kiss was from my girlfriend’s young son - the sweetest little boy I could hope to know. This morning, the first day of the year, rather than freediving in a remote ocean, I walked urban streets to attend a yoga class taught by a favorite yogini of mine - I hadn’t practiced with her for over two years. Today as she glided around the studio teaching, her beautiful five month’s pregnant body had me meditating on the blessing that is new life ... and the unexpected. Truly the hard times occur not to show us how weak we are, but how strong we can be for ourselves ... and even more significantly ... others. When you are open and trusting the universe can surprise you ... a friend calls out of the blue and says ‘Let’s go flying!’ And you find yourself landing on an airport you’ve never been to on the last day of the year. Life’s adventure always continues through all the endings and beginnings. Wishing everyone a blessed and enlightening decade in all the light, shadows and rainbows in between ... welcome to the Roaring 20’s✨❤️ #sober #happyjoyousandfree #witchlife #femalepilot #welcometotheroaring20s #gratefulforthelessons (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6yiyFUhuF1/?igshid=1t946lk66rsus

#sober #happyjoyousandfree #witchlife #femalepilot #welcometotheroaring20s #gratefulforthelessons

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knifeshoeoreofight · 6 years

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Part one is here

Part 2 of ??

***

Zhenya gets up and goes to the fridge in the communal kitchen and pulls out six beers. He thinks they belong to those pricks from the University of Pennsylvania but right now he can’t be bothered to care about the passive aggressive post it notes he’s going to find plastered all over the fridge tomorrow.

He carries the beers into his office and passes them out, ignoring the confused hubbub of four inquiring, scientific brains kicking into high gear.

“Shut up for minute,” he says. “Let me talk. Need to be able to say right in English.”

Thankfully, they listen. Zhenya turns his bottle around in his hands as he gathers his thoughts.

“We don’t tell anyone about this,” he says, and it’s an order, heavy and final. “We don’t tell, unless he understand what it mean for us to tell and he say yes. We keep secret. No telling friends, no telling family. None of us ever getting drunk in public anymore. Finished. Can’t take chance we forget and say something.”

He stares them all down, waits for them to nod in acceptance. The kids look almost scared.

“You’re talking about consent,” Fleury says slowly. “From the merman.”

Zhenya nods. “Have to be reason nobody see them for sure until now.”

They’re all silent for a moment, thinking about the all-consuming fears they all live with as marine scientists. The environmental threats that keep them awake at night.

“Consent implies communication,” Letang says finally. “You’re, what? Going to teach him English? Or Russian, I guess.”

Zhenya shakes his head. “If I even find him again, won’t use speaking.”

“Then what?” Dominik asks.

“Camera didn’t show,” Zhenya explains. “But after he give back to me, my brain freeze little bit? I do this.” He makes a “thumbs up” gesture, and laughs a little at himself. “Not know what else to do. And he make confuse face, but then, he do it back to me.”

“He what?” Zach yelps, and the noisy discourse starts back up again and Zhenya lets it wash over him until he hears the phrase “but how can you even prove sentience” and he snaps.

“He sentient. I’m know. You didn’t see him, I do. I look right in his eyes.”

“That’s not exactly scienti—“

“I believe you,” Fleury interjects. “Not everything can be explained by soulless measuring. Sometimes you just know something’s true. And with a language that complex? Fuck, man.” Zhenya smiles gratefully at him.

“So?” Dominik asks, practically vibrating in his seat. “How do we talk to him? You were gonna say.”

“Sign language,” Zhenya says. “Going to look up tonight. I’m going out early tomorrow morning. I have satellite tag on Magda. Maybe if we find her, we find him too.”

“We should go, get something to eat, get some gear together, and meet back here to plan for tomorrow,” Letang decides. “Three hours.”

They adjourn. Zhenya goes to to shower off the salt drying tacky on his skin. Feeling more like himself, he sets up his laptop on his cluttered desk, thanking his lucky stars that he’s senior enough to warrant his own room in the guesthouse his university manages. The undergrads are six to a room, sometimes.

He spends the rest of the time left until their meeting making notes and watching videos of sign language on YouTube and coming to the irritated conclusion that due to their proximity to the United States he’s probably going to need to use ASL and not РЖЯ. Stupid English.

When they regroup, the kids have scrounged up a laminator from god knows where and are bickering about what would be most “communicatively efficient” to make waterproof. Letang is sent off to refuel the boat and prep her for tomorrow, and Fleury sits down with Zhenya and a laptop to practice sign language.

“I can see why you’ve chosen to go with ASL,” Fleury says. “But fuck English, eh?”

“Yes,” Zhenya agrees fervently. “So much.”

***

They set out the next morning when the sky is still dark. Zhenya is nervy with excitement. It takes him tries to access the data from the ADB tag he’d placed on Magda in Labrador, hands shaking. He marvels at the good luck he’s had; the tag is still in place, and is still transmitting. The system beeps at him. The tag transmits its location three to four times per 24 hour cycle, and it looks like the last ping wasn’t far from where Magda had been the day before. She’s still conserving energy.

By the time they reach the general area she’s in, the sky is shell-pink, with a few clouds lit up bright tangerine by the rising sun. The kids get out binoculars, and start scanning the endless water for Magda’s spout. The water is calm and glassy, and Zhenya is grateful for it.

He helps Fleury with the hydrophones since Zhenya’s the most familiar with their use, and double checks his diving gear. He’s not sure he wants to use it, though. He wants to know if just appearing in a wetsuit, snorkel, mask, and fins will affect the merman’s behavior. Maybe Zhenya will look less alien, less threatening, without a hissing, bubbling tank of air on his back. He’s not much of a freediver. Well. No time like the present to get better at it.

Zach whoops from where he’s perched on top of the wheelhouse. “Thar she blows!” he yells, in a terrible old-timey sailor accent. Zhenya leaps to his feet, straining his eyes to see. The feed from the hydrophones crackles with a high noise, like air being let out of a gigantic balloon. But, like, melodically.

“Hi sweetheart,” he tells Magda. “How is my beautiful lady today?”

Predictably, Letang scoffs, but Fleury leans into Zhenya’s space conspiratorially. “He talks to the coral samples we grow in the lab,” he tells Zhenya, with a devilish grin. “He has little nicknames in his notes for his favorite varieties. And he almost got into a fistfight at a conference with this world-renouned algae expert about how much funding is going to their respective fields. Don’t listen to a word he says.”

Zhenya laughs, and when Letang looks back to see what they’re talking about, he pastes an exaggerated look of innocence on his face. Take that, Letang.

***

They approach Magda as closely as they dare. Zhenya pulls on a mask, and his swim fins. He takes the GoPro again, this time clipped to his wetsuit so he doesn’t drop it again.

When he slides off the boat, the dense quiet of the water is much more evident without his scuba gear. Sound works so strangely. Some sounds feel amplified, louder and closer than they should be. And yet it’s so still, the ambient sounds of wind and waves muffled.

The morning sun is falling through the water in shafts of light, and a school of little fish are sparkling through them. The water is on the shallow side again, relatively speaking, wide swaths of white sand just visible below, with only scattered outcroppings of coral. Zhenya looks around for Magda but doesn’t see her.

He’s hanging near the surface in order to use the snorkel, and he can hear snatches of conversation from the boat, cut off whenever the water laps over his ears. He hears the explosive sound of Magda surfacing to breath and the resulting excited shouts of the undergrads before he sees her.

She solidifies out of the infinite blue in front of Zhenya like a vision. He sees the white of her pectoral fins and belly first, then the rest of her. The shafts of sunlight shimmer in dancing diamond patterns on her great back. A deep sound reverberates through the spaces in his chest.

Just like last time, his eyes water behind his mask. He thinks he’ll always react this way to seeing her this close.

Magda rolls gracefully in the water, and that’s when Zhenya sees the merman. He’s keeping pace right above the pleated expanse of Magda’s throat, and he reaches down to pat her, scritching at her skin for all the world like she’s a giant dog.

Magda rolls right side up again. She’s so close Zhenya can feel the turbulence of her movement. She swivels to face him, and in the space of a breath, the end of her rostrum is so close he could reach out and touch it. She raises her tail and brings it down on the water’s surface with a crack. Lobtailing. He wonders what she means by it; if it’s a warning or if it’s playfully meant. He tries to stay still, but he has to scull his arms to prevent the current from slamming him into Magda.

A single thrumming trill comes from down and slightly to his right. The merman is watching him, one hand resting on the whale’s side. Zhenya kicks his feet and backs away from them, trying to give them space. Magda, to his surprise, follows him. Her rostrum bumps into his middle, and he reaches out instinctively to steady himself.

He’s touching her. He’s touching a whale. He’s studied them for years, has tagged them and photographed them and listened to their songs. But he’s never laid a hand on one until now.

There’s a fucking merman somewhere off to one side, but for a moment, Magda is all he can see. He strokes a hand across her skin. She’s gone still, is just hanging there in the water. She makes a sound and it vibrates through his very bones.

She is, in a way, the love of his life, her species the focus and passion of his career, and so it feels natural to spit out his snorkel, lean down, and reverently kiss her, right on the top of her great head.

When he raises his eyes, the merman is watching him, eyes narrowed and assessing. Zhenya, however, has to flail for the surface to take a gasping breath and to blow the water out of his snorkel before putting it back in his mouth.

He’s still close when Zhenya submerges again, expression intense. He looks like he still hasn’t quite made up his mind about Zhenya. Zhenya waves at him, and tries to smile around the snorkel in his mouth.

The merman makes a face but mirrors the gesture. Zhenya can’t help it, he grins, swallowing salt water in the process. He has to go to the surface again, coughing. When he goes back under the merman is frowning at him. Zhenya shrugs. The merman raises his hand and repeats the waving gesture. Zhenya manages to keep his snorkel in his mouth but excitement is fizzing in his stomach like bubbles.

He takes the opportunity to study the merman more closely. Now that his existence isn’t as much of a shock, Zhenya notices that he’s beautiful, in more, well, human ways than a shark, or a dolphin, or a whale like Magda is.

He has a sharp jaw and cheekbones, offset by a plush, full mouth. His upper body is very human looking, muscled and strong. He cocks his head to one side, studying Zhenya as closely as Zhenya’s studying him. His weapon is strapped to his back today, with a fraying nylon rope crossing his chest.

Maintaining eye contact, the merman swims to where the satellite tag is attached to Magda’s side, slightly below her dorsal fin. He prods at it, then looks back at Zhenya, as if to ask, “this shit yours?”

Zhenya has no idea if nodding means anything to merpeople. It’s a fairly universal gesture, but he knows it that in some cultures it can even mean “no”. But he nods anyway. His heart also sinks a little. If the merman removes the tag, how the hell will be able to find Magda or him again?

After a moment of deliberation, he decides a gesture of trust is worth the lost data. Even if it means his study may be ruined. He takes a deep breath, and kicks his fins to dive. Luckily Magda is still. Even a gentle animal like a humpback can be dangerous to be this close to, just by reason of their massive size.

He’s able to grasp hold of the tag, and to give it the twist it needs to detach from Magda’s skin. He pats her, and gestures for the merman to come and see that she’s unharmed. He looks placated.

Zhenya’s out of air, and he shoots up for the surface again. The merman follows him, and when Zhenya’s head breaks the surface, so does his. Zhenya can hear the shocked cries from the boat, but he just treads water and watches the merman.

“Hi,” he says, inanely. “I’m Zhenya.” The merman’s eyebrows go up at the sound of his voice. His throat flexes and he produces some of that strange speech of his. Zhenya tries to imitate one of the clicking sounds, and to his surprise, the merman smiles, showing his sharp canine teeth. He’s laughing at Zhenya.

“Thanks for that,” Zhenya says, and he has to smile in return. He pulls off his mask, and the merman blinks, he’s still smiling but it’s smaller. Pleased, somehow. Like he likes Zhenya’s face without the heavy plastic mask distorting it.

Zhenya doesn’t want to move, but his arms and legs are tired. A swell knocks him under, and he coughs water, salt stinging his eyes and his throat. Then there’s an iron grip around his waist, and the merman has an arm around him, holding him up in the water. Zhenya clears the water from his airways with a retching cough, and stares, thunderstruck. The merman’s expression is creased in concern. He’s so strong. Zhenya is not a small man, and the merman can effortlessly hold them both steady in the water with a few powerful undulations of his tail.

The merman looks beyond them to the boat. He carefully eases his arm from around Zhenya’s waist, but takes him by the elbow and then submerges, pulling Zhenya along behind him until they reach the little water level platform at the boat’s stern. The merman eyes the other men clustering wide-eyed at the railing as he helps Zhenya heave himself up onto it. Zhenya turns to sit with his feet hanging over the side. The merman keeps one hand on the platform, taking them all in.

Zhenya pulls off his swim fins, and the merman makes a shocked-sounding trill in his throat. Zhenya has to laugh.

“I know, feet weird.” He wiggles his toes, and laughs again at the face the merman is making.

“Geno?” Zach says weakly from behind them. When Zhenya turns, he hands down the laminated pages they’d worked on last night. His hands are shaking.

“Oh, good idea,” Zhenya says. He takes the one with a photo of Magda on it, breaching with the Canadian coastline behind her. It’s a photo Zhenya had taken of her when he first began his research. He shows the merman, whose eyes widen. He reaches out to touch the photo. Magda’s scar is clearly visible, and he points at it, then gestures down into the water. Zhenya grins and nods. The merman’s eyes narrow.

Zhenya wishes he could explain what he’s doing, that he wouldn’t hurt her. He doesn’t know what kind of cultural memory merpeople have, but there’s no way some knowledge hasn’t been passed down about what humans used to do to whales, how the water around whaling ships had roiled with blood. He hopes the way he interacted with Magda earlier conveyed his good intentions.

He points to the picture, then makes the sign for “whale.” The merman mirrors him, making a deep hum in his throat that Zhenya takes to mean the same thing. Zhenya grins. He shuffles through the pages, and finds one with a basic figure of a person on it. He makes the sign for “human” or “person.” Again, the merman mirrors him. His eyebrows are raised, and he looks pleased. The next image is of a merman. The sign for that one indicates a tail below the waist and it makes the merman smile.

For his own name, Zhenya had decided upon an “e” for Evgeni. He points at his own chest, and makes the sign, saying his own name aloud. The merman copies him. Zhenya points at the merman and and waits. The merman makes a sound Zhenya has no hope of reproducing. The first part of it is a sibilant though, and so Zhenya decides to hold up a hand with the sign for “s.” The merman repeats the sound, and copies the gesture. He then repeats the sign for “e,” and pats Zhenya’s knee. Someone swears aloud back on the boat.

S reaches for the stack of pictures, and Zhenya lets him have them. He riffles through them, until he finds the one of Magda. He points at it again, and signs “whale.” He then prods at Magda’s belly.

“Give me whiteboard,” Zhenya calls back to the rest of the guys, and Fleury hands it down with a marker. Zhenya quickly does his best to sketch the outline of a humpback whale, followed by a smaller one inside the belly of the first. S nods excitedly, and then reaches behind himself to pull out his weapon. Zhenya flinches, but S just takes lays it on the platform. He pats it, then gestures at the drawing of the pregnant whale. Zhenya goes cold. Is he saying he’s going to kill it?

His face must look awful because S frowns. Zhenya has to ask. He points at the weapon, makes a slashing motion, then points at the baby whale drawing. The merman’s eyes narrow, and he makes an explosive noise, slapping his hand on the water for emphasis. He holds out his hand for the marker, and very, very clumsily sketches out a blob alongside the whale drawing. It’s vaguely fishlike, and he makes a couple slashes near the head that look something like gills. A shark?

“Get me picture of shark,” Zhenya calls up to everyone, and there’s a scuffle as they all check for bars on their phones. Finally someone hands down Zhenya’s laptop, which has satellite internet. There’s a photo of a tiger shark on it. Carefully keeping it from getting wet, Zhenya shows S the photo.

S makes a low, angry-sounding throbbing sound in his throat, and nods. He indicates his weapon again, and bares his teeth. He reaches out, and gently pats at the drawing of the baby whale, as if petting it. Zhenya sighs in relief. He hands his laptop back up. So, S is...guarding Magda’s unborn calf? He wonders at it. If merpeople habitually do this, they haven’t been observed so far. What makes S special? Is he just terrifically bad at staying hidden? Is he some kind of whale shepherd, or is Magda weak or sick in some way that warrants special treatment?

He and S stare at each other. There’s so much behind those eyes, and he feels overwhelmed with the chasm of understanding yawning between them. The few signs they’ve traded are a thin, spindly attempt to bridge it. He signs “s” again. S smiles, and signs back “e.”

Zhenya’s heart does something traitorous and strange in his chest.

#sidgeno #sidney crosby/evgeni malkin #hockey rpf #dana writes a thing

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latinalesbi · 5 years

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Bradley and Peter admitted they knew in October re cancellation and spinoff. Awkward chat on the tv insider podcast. You were right!! Poor Sherri et al still pushing for season 6 back then. It was all money related apparently.

I keep losing the replies to these questions. I am going to probably be brief.

Yeah, these guys are liars. And it breaks my heart to think of Sherri still trying to get this renewed in January. They were committed to the show and I am happy to see them working because their talent was too good for all involved.

Anonymous said: I’m excited for the eps the moms will be in. I haven’t watched the spinoff so far so i have no real context re storylines but I don’t care, just to see them back will be awesome. Maybe certain people will realise just how great and missed they are 😜

I mean, I am not one who thinks that anything we do will bring them back more often or at all. But yes, I look forward to them being on and getting any kind of recognition. They deserve it. The problem I fear is that they have probably shared the best scenes. All we are going to be left with is the moms propping up this shitty cast. I think they will especially be targeted to prop up the new lesbian icon.

Anonymous said: Why wasn’t Freeform and the producers of the Fosters not called out for the blatant ageism that took place? Older women clearly not welcome on the network even though their characters probably had more effect socially than anything else they produced. The Stef and Lena characters were groundbreaking imo. There was no reason for the cancellation as the ratings were good. The network won’t survive much longer with whomever makes the decisions in charge.

It was blatant, and I tried to point that out. I read recently that Gen Xers are ignored by media, so this would def. fit that narrative. We are silenced. Stef and Lena were absolutely groundbreaking and for a couple to be the lead, married, solid for 5 years. You aren’t going to see that for a long time. Freeform is in a freedive to hell. No one there can run a business. The thing about Stef and Lena is that they were so socially relevant that they hit the nail on the head. Since then, they’ve been trying to be socially relevant and they just are pathetic doing it. Trying so hard, ticking all the boxes.

Anonymous said: Upsetting your fan base that you took five years to build up was never going to be a sensible idea. Then in promoting your new show you dismiss your old show by making it sound like it was for children. Madness.

Absolute madness, where do they think they were going to get an audience? They had a base, but they just insulted everyone. Idiots.

Anonymous said: I watched an interview Maia and Cierra did on KTLA re GT- They basically admitted they knew before it was going to happen ‘ we had an idea’ ‘we knew it was in the works’ ‘the opportunity had popped up’ lol… all the lies we were told this time last year, it’s funny now. The creators have been the same too. They just handled the whole thing so badly, was it worth it considering how their ratings are tanking - I’m sure they’ll put a ‘spin’ on it but nope!

More proof. People doubted me when I said it but basically they were planning it from late summer, then they signed deals in October. Sherri is still tweeting about renewal in January, while the cows had stopped doing so. Then came both news and they announced it in the worst possible way. I hate them. I am glad it’s not looking good. Freeform has released a press release for every premiere this year, not for GT. There is nothing they can spin to look good. And they would if they could. Yesterday showed the precious demo dropping again, 12%. Awful.

Anonymous said: Hypothetical question but if and it’s a big if GT gets cancelled (don’t think it will as it would be a big dud for Freeform) I wonder if the producers would regret having started the whole thing. I guess it’s a business at the end of the day and they get paid but all the sh*t it caused and still is they must have been affected by it I think. They had a lovely little fandom in comparison to other shows and they kinda ruined it. There is still so much animosity a year on from the decision.

I think Freeform already has regrets about Noah. They should have signed him when they had the chance. They really hung their coats on the worst of the cast. Idiots. The producers won’t ever admit it. According to Joanna, I am not really gay, Johnson, working with the judge actor is the highlight of her career. Ok girl. Yeah our fandom was nice and small but active. GT can’t get GT trending at all. Not top 20 nationally, nothing.

Anonymous said: The Fosters ratings were always good for Freeform that’s why it was so weird the cancelled it. They were always so stable. For a network struggling it was a strange thing to do. I’ve heard money was an issue, but apart from the casts wages they didn’t seem to spend anywhere near as much as they have done on the spinoff. Look at the director they chose for the pilot. Do Freeform hate family dramas that much?

I think part of it was that Freeform didn’t own the show so they didn’t get as much money. The other part was that it was on Netflix, they didn’t have a deal with Hulu and it seems Freeform is exclusively on Hulu. They dumped us and shadowhunters, which was also on Netflix. I think that they would eat the loss if it meant the ratings and critics favor that the Fosters generated. But it’s clear, whoever runs freeform doesn’t know anything at all.

Anonymous said: They can’t spin those ratings, they are sooo bad. All the money they spent on promotion I got sick of seeing it. Will people really not watch the moms episodes live do you think? I’m torn, I don’t want to give the show ratings considering how they treated the rest of the cast but I also want the ratings to go up to say ‘see look what you lost getting rid of the moms’ I have seen that those who have had advanced previews of the first 5 ep’s of Good Trouble says the moms episode is the best!!!!

The ratings are so bad. And they spent tons on promotion. I think it doesn’t hurt the moms but if it goes up, it’s good things for Sherri and Teri. I am sure when they come in, they will give the show heart and then when they’re gone it will go.

Anonymous said: Hated it too how they belittle The Fosters. If FF were so willingly to give them free reign for GT why not The Fosters. You chose the storylines. Instead we had repetitive Callie getting in trouble whilst trying to save the world-yawn! Weirdly the tweet that pissed me off was back in Dec, Joanna- Smthg along the lines of ‘didn’t think I could love a cast more than the Fosters but I do’ -you worked with those people, ur family for 5seasons you’ve been with those people a few months -fickle as f!

Yeah, it sucks that they have chosen to bad mouth the fosters. It’s not helping them. There’s no need to do that. I think it just shows how all of them hated writing for Stef and Lena. Joanna is a traitor and a liar. No wonder she’s in such a frigid marriage. I don’t think it’s being fickle though, it’s more like fake. They haven’t worked for long and already a family. You want to hear Hollywood honesty? Listen to Teri and Sherri. Sherri will tell you that she didn’t know what to do with Teri for a long time, then it was like. bam, forever love.

Anonymous said: I made an effort to watch the first good trouble episode but honestly made literally no effort to watch the second. I might watch it, if there’s nothing on tv that sounds good, but I’m not exactly planning on it.

I am like on a forever boycott of Freeform. So, yeah, I would rather watch youtube than Freeform.

#Anonymous #gt

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grvntld · 2 years

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teka teka teka lemme ramble for a bit because im rlly just a huge ball of excitement and soft feels right now mY GOSH

🧜‍♀️ so ive already mentioned here abt me going to coron some time this month and that werq x leisure thingy will actually be for 5 days omg im so frkn excited

🧜‍♀️ just a few days after returning from coron, next stop will be a staycation in a hotel in the south for the first week of may — this one is still tentative but ive put it in my calendar already yayayayyyy

🧜‍♀️ oo yes yep my goodness bawal huminga empake lang nang empake nanaman siguro ako just like my pre-pandemic lyf charOt slight pero fr tadtad ako ng werq travels non tas nahirapan talaga ako mag-adjust non kasi di ako sanay sa bahay nung twenytweny lol feeling ko may mali ganoin

🧜‍♀️ enihoot back to coron lol sobra excited din ng mga boss ko like damang-dama ko kasi ang dami namin ginagawa na advance werq para we will be able to focus on what's happening sa coron pag nasa coron na kami ganoin kaya here i am write write write and schedule schedule schedule all the way

🧜‍♀️ oh oH OH my bosses and i hv also been planning how we are gonna go abt coron hihi like me getting underwater clips when we island hop and whatnot awiiiiiiihh~

🧜‍♀️ with that, ive mentioned to them that im actually looking into taking freediving classes bc i love the ocean okiE but every time im in it, it's just so beautiful that sometimes it terrifies me ykwim?¿? so hopefully taking freediving classes would help me stay calm and be at ease that everything will be okie and that i could handle being in deep waters (((i mean i know i could but my mind sometimes just likes to play games with me)))

🧜‍♀️ and they were totally on board with that, much like my husband is—this is where i felt soft 🥺 HUHUHU

🧜‍♀️ lately ive realized how lucky, blessed, and privileged actually am to be able to do things that i want and hv people support me in it hehu

🧜‍♀️ i told moosey (((my husband))) about me freediving and he was like, "of course i'll support you. i'll even drive and accompany you to take freediving classes in open water once we get the car" since ya know, we're in the city and if i am to take freediving classes in the city, it's gonna be in a deep pool which he also told me to go for to at least get abfeel of it first until i can go for the open water option

🧜‍♀️ uGH im just always so touched with him being all supportive ya know hehu like he knows i could do the things i want on my own but he also assures me that he is more than a hundred percent with me on my ~dreams and goals~ (((because i hv A LOT))) as i am with his

#donut #skl ; 🦇 ba #lyf upd8 kuno chz hehe pero pwede na rin #icecream #i did not check this for errors so excuse me if you ever see anything

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bluuespace-blog · 6 years

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dailyhealthynews · 3 years

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We Tested Lululemon’s New Moon Drift Surf Collection

As the warm season approaches, you may feel an overwhelming sense of excitement as you begin planning your outdoor adventures. From researching breathtaking hikes in exotic locations to planning unique excursions for your upcoming trip to a tropical destination – it’s that special time of year when you can break away from the everyday norm and reconnect with … well, yourself . but in a much cooler environment than your hometown. During the pandemic, most of us missed this thrill last year, but if you are looking for a silver lining to quarantine periods, this is the important lesson to seize every opportunity to explore and experience the great wonders of nature. Mark Healey, a big wave surfing legend, freediver, and photographer, knows this well, and that’s why he was the perfect partner for a 10-piece Lululemon capsule collection that includes board shorts, a rashguard, and several other pieces that will have you all of your summer trips covered.

Lululemon Healey train to Beach Short

“We saw Mark’s product requirements as an opportunity for robust, in-house, and realistic testing,” said Ben Stubbington, SVP of Design and Concepts at Lululemon. We knew that if we could create something that could keep up with Mark, it would keep up with anyone. ”

As a Lululemon ambassador, Healey was no stranger to the brand’s outstanding offerings prior to this partnership. After a series of adventure trips with Stubbington and a few beers and some big laughs after running a SeaWheeze half marathon, the duo thought it would be a natural partnership to work together on a limited edition capsule collection, Moon Drift, that would reflect the active lifestyle of professional surfers from land to sea. Over a year and a half later, Healey and Stubbington sat down with Men’s Health to give us an exclusive look at the capsule collection – and best of all, we got to test the cool equipment for ourselves.

Lululemon

“I switch so often in my lifestyle,” says Healey. “I really move between worlds, from a boat to an airport to dinner. I really wanted clothes that could flow seamlessly between worlds. The parts had to have the right look, the right cut, the right weight, the right feel and of course the durability in order to withstand countless adventures. “

Lululemon Moon Drift Short

Healey lives the lifestyle most of us can only dream of. From Indonesia to Australia to Hawaii to Costa Rica, the professional surfer spends most of his year chasing swells around the globe, so he needs the right clothing with the versatility for activities such as fishing, surfing and hiking, as well as an elegant look for city food. When no two days are the same and the unexpected is always expected, Healey needs reliable gear that combines function with great style.

“Everything I work on is dictated by natural events, so I never had schedules,” says Healey. “If there is a huge storm and swell in South Africa, I have to go from Hawaii to South Africa. Nature has always led the dance for me, but I always say the most predictable thing in my life is the tides. You can go 50 years out and know what the tides are because it’s the gravitational pull of the moon. The moon is in charge. “

Lululemon

This was the starting point for Moon Drift, which also influenced the design aesthetic of the Capsule Collection. Stubbington and his team wanted to make sure this capsule didn’t feel like just another standard surf collection you’d expect from a clothing brand. Like Healey’s nomadic lifestyle, the Lululemon collection had to be exciting, up-and-coming, and unique.

“The stereotype of surf clothes is not what we wanted to play,” says Stubbington. “Mark came up with these pages full of inspiration and documentation, and we were overwhelmed because it was so closely related to what the design team loves from an aesthetic point of view, including high art. He had all these pictures of sky, land and sea, and we noticed that some of the pictures looked very similar to one of my paintings. ”

Lululemon Moon Drift short sleeve shirt

And that’s how Stubbington’s artwork became something wearable when the team applied the design to short-sleeved shirts and board shorts. But the aesthetics of the collection was just one piece of the puzzle. Healey’s job was to put pieces to the test, so the big wave surfer purposely traveled with only the Moon Drift collection in his pocket as he jetted around the world.

Every piece in the collection has been carefully thought out so Healey could have exactly what he needed for his travels. Details like mesh gussets and laser-cut designs made shirts and pants more breathable in everyday life, while fabrics with just the right amount of stretch offered the UV protection Healey needed for days in the sun. The Lululemon design team even made sure to add features like large secure pockets so Healey could easily get from one activity to the next with all of the small gear he needed. Most importantly, the fabrics had to be abrasion-resistant to withstand the elements, and even the sharp clothes of Baby Goat, a goat Healey rescued on Maui after she found her mother abandoned her shortly after she was born. Yes, we are talking about goat-safe shelf life.

Lululemon

“Goats can be very destructive and he destroyed so many things that I own,” says Healey. “He grabbed my board shorts while they were hanging up. I didn’t rinse them off after surfing, so salty goats loved everything, and he chewed and chewed and chewed on them. Goats don’t have teeth in the front, but they have those sharp teeth that can cut through anything in the back. At first I thought, ‘Hey, beat it!’ And then I realized that this is perfect for testing the durability of the board shorts, so I just let him go on it. “

But durability isn’t the only reason Healey makes its mark on these boardshorts.

“I love the material in these boardshorts,” says Healey. “I’ve surfed in board shorts all my life. I’ve worked with top surf brands in the past and was familiar with developing board shorts and it’s a completely different feeling. It is more comfortable to wear and heavier than other board shorts. Plus, it’s just the right amount of stretch. It reminds me a bit of old school board shorts in terms of the seat, which isn’t overly stretchy – a classic feel with the latest in comfort. “

Lululemon

Another favorite for Healey is the rashguard, which he claims is the best rashguard he has ever worn. In addition to the ideal fit, which hugs the body and reduces friction, the rashguard is thicker in the front so that the sea wind does not dissipate the heat from the body when you are sitting on your board, and a lighter, more breathable feeling in the back to give off excess heat.

Surf gear aside, there are a number of pieces that every man would want to incorporate into his wardrobe, even if you don’t plan on extreme trips in the near future. When I flew from New York to Los Angeles to chat with Stubbington and Healey, I tested the Moon Drift Pant and can honestly say they have become my new travel pants. The mesh gussets in the inner leg area provide additional stretch and breathability, and there are plenty of pockets for the small valuables that I need when flying. It even has snaps to taper the bottom of the legs if you want to make sure your pants don’t get caught on anything. And for complete comfort on the upper half of my body when traveling, I paired these pants with the Healey Train to Beach Hoodie, which had the coverage I wanted on my flight with a lightweight, breathable feel so I wouldn’t overheat.

Whether you’re chasing the waves in South Africa or just chilling out with a few buddies on your local beach, the capsule collection hits everything you could want in your summer wardrobe. So, as you prepare for your upcoming summer adventures, you may want to snag a few Moon Drift parts to make sure nothing is stopping you from getting the most of your time in the sun.

Buy the Lululemon x Mark Healey Moon Drift Collection here:

Lululemon Moon Drift Board Shorts 9 “

Lululemon Healey train to the beach short sleeve

Lululemon Moon Drift Short 8 “

Lululemon Moon Drift short sleeve shirt

Lululemon Moon Drift Long Sleeve Shirt

Lululemon Moon Drift rashguard with long sleeves

Lululemon Healey Train to the Beach Hoodie

Lululemon Moon Drift Pants 30 “

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source https://dailyhealthynews.ca/we-tested-lululemons-new-moon-drift-surf-collection/

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