#a lot of it felt too flip floppy

[camerica]

[7-oh-ta1]

I'm finished with twdgs btw :)

[yamujiburo]

omg yes, i have trouble putting it into words but as someone who loves XY/has a soft spot for it, you described my biggest problem with it perfectly. it was just really weird for ash's companions to treat him like a goal or something instead of treating him like an equal (if that makes sense)

im glad they didnt do it again for SM (at least not to the extent that XY did) it felt a lot more better and more natural to see everyone treat him like a friend that can be teased and compete against

oh yes! it's a fun series still for sure~

it just felt so weird to characterize ash as ~perfect~ and have all his friends rally around eeeeverything he did. if it was JUST serena i don't think it would've felt as in your face but clemont and bonnie were the same way. i love character dynamics that are a little more messy and it's funny when characters don't always get along. that's what i really enjoy about the ash/brock/misty dynamic and the ash/may dynamic. they butt heads frequently but at the same time all have a mutual respect for each other

XY just felt devoid of any intrapersonal conflicts and it made the characters feel flat to me a lot of the time which is a shame. like clemont being an intellectual and ash leading with his heart could've been a fun dynamic to lean into more! serena being more flip-floppy and directionless would have been interesting to see too. having ash push her to do stuff that she didn't want to do and having her push back in return. or having her be indecisive about her crush on ash rather than just shy about it. tying in that character trait to her overall arcs would've made me much more invested!

[silver-wield]

In your opinion what do you think the Devs frame of mind is with how they wrote A this game. Are they just out of touch and don't realise how shitty she comes across in this day and age or did they do it on purpose to show something? Like how she too was mentally distraught over Zack and none of her feelings were genuine at all even in OG. Even non shippers are literally baffled and don't know what to think of her and why she is so flip floppy this game when they thought she was written better last game.

Maybe it's just the way I played but it felt like we were meant to be pissed off with Aerith and avoid her because she's so frigging intolerable.

Even in Cosmo Canyon all she did during that speech was whine all "poor me I had no friends and I'm super special and I wanna be normal!!!" and the option to encourage that and indulge her self pitying bullshit just felt really icky, so I think a lot of the negative convo choice outcomes actually make her stop and think about her behaviour and how she hurts others. The fact the Gi also said as much about cetra as a whole being a selfish race also feeds into that view point. I mean if you've been sucking up to her and then suddenly you hear "oh yeah, cetra are self obsessed and don't care about others" you should stop and think about how you've played the game and whether what you've done is in line with how the characters are canonically.

For the most part with the multiple dialogue options and several versions of the same scene depending on how you played I think this game above Remake and part three are indulging the whole "it's player choice!!!" narrative. From what I've seen it's almost impossible to figure out the straight line in all the options, and if they hadn't included some mandatory scenes as waypoint markers I think the whole narrative would've got lost, but the one thing that is clear is that Cloud isn't as nice to Aerith as he is to Tifa and the point Kitase made about "by the end you'll be thinking I wish I had been nicer to her" factors into the non optional parts of the game as well as the optional parts.

That's not to say she's not still a back stabbing bitch who maintains a superficial friendship with Tifa because even though she likes her, she's jealous af of her in multiple ways and thinks if she can steal Cloud from under her nose then that validates her as superior.

I mean even Zack acknowledged Aerith isn't that pretty. She's pretty to him, but not in general. She also had no friends because her personality sucks and she was obsessed with being seen as normal and that made her act fake and resulted in everyone calling her weird, which she hates more than anything.

Aerith is a foil for Tifa and the devs really took that concept and made her the worst. She's not that kind, she's self involved, she's not pretty or capable or anything that Tifa is. She's obsessed with Cloud and doesn't really care about the planet or her role unless it's performative and makes her look good. Even as she's dying all she cares about is trying to get Cloud, which causes him trauma because she doesn't care how he feels.

Aerith is written as a bad person who happens to be a good guy and that's meant to throw up a lotta of conflicting emotions for players. Even though she's a "heroine" we don't have to like her because she's a horrible person. That's the devs intention imo.

[halfmoth-halfman]

tumblr did not eat my ask thank you for replying to it! 🫣 tumblr has been eating my asks to other creators so i had to ask sorry mother!!!

i could ramble for ages about the representations of PTSD in other media. and i could ramble about your representation of it as well (IN A GOOD WAY!!!) for hours. if there was a sport to ramble about it??? i’d win gold

i’m not a psych student at university but i do a lot of research into mental health and trauma, partly because it’s that part of education i’m hoping to go into but because i think it’s so important that we get a better understanding, representation and perspective on it and also partly because i’ve been through the works with my own mental health and want to make it better for others.

Because of this I read a lot about representations of different things and all my praise for YOUR own rep of Canary’s trauma and ptsd comes from two places;; sentimental, as in, i see myself in canary. in her mannerisms post makarov torture, in her attitude, in her thoughts, in pretty much all of her ptsd i see so much of her in me when i was at the height of my own ptsd symptoms. where everything came to the surface because i couldn’t cope. but the other part of it comes from a factual point of view??? i read so much about different ways people present ptsd and not many people get it accurately as you have. maybe that’s because you’ve dealt with your own symptoms and seen ptsd like you said!! but it is truly really really breathtaking to see it so accurately.

and you are right about finding comfort in canary as she’s going through this!! because i do too 🥹 it’s healing. very healing.

my partner, he saw the aftermath of my peak of ptsd and he acted sort of how the 141 acted (without the guilt aksnsksm) and it helped ten times over. to see it presented in such a resonated way it’s so lovely mother mothie and i hope you know how emotional and amazing it is to see 🩷💐

NOW THAT LADIES AND GENTLEMAN WAS A RAMBLE

I TOLD YOU I COULD WIN GOLD

have a good weekend mother!!! cannot wait to read the finale!! i WILL be crying!! 💐

– 🪼

tumblr may not have eaten your ask, but i def accidentally saved the reply to my drafts instead of posting it my bad 😭

i'd be happy to award you a gold medal in rambling about PTSD rep, it's honestly something i'm very interested in. and i think that's actually a really cool field of study to choose and to research and i think that's a very admirable goal of wanting a better understanding of mental health and trauma!!

tbh her trauma was always something that worried because i know trauma responses can be so different from person to person and she's supposed to be a reader character. a lot of it was based off of my own feelings/experiences so i was surprised (but glad) to see people were able to relate to her and that she didn't feel too flip-floppy if that makes sense??

the one thing i knew going in was that i wanted canary to absolutely have a happy ending no matter what. she was going to go through some shit, but she was going to heal from it and she was going to live her best life!! and it was very healing for me to be able to write that, to have a character that gets the help they need and works on healing with people who support them and i'm happy people were able to find that same sense with her!!

i feel like a lot of stories in media can end up brushing over the healing part of trauma, and in like movies esp (which i get can be because of time constraints) it can end up feeling like one kiss between the main couple or just one conversation is enough to get over so much trauma, and i wanted to make sure we at least saw canary go through her process and that her healing felt more real for me. like everything isn't instantly fixed and sometimes it's a struggle, but she gets there, y'know?

I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOUR RAMBLE SO MUCH, YOU'RE WELCOME TO IT ANYTIME!!!!!!!!

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i try not to get excited for new official marvel stuff bc i hate feeling disappointed but i still get very anxious and flip floppy on the thunderbolts movie

like otoh, i'm glad it's a different creative team than the fatws show bc the military propaganda & annoyingly centrist politics were so tiring and it sounds like canwo might be even worse.. but also how feige talks abt the movie does not give me confidence 😔

but then again, idk.. maybe the tb team is gonna get a lot of creative control and we'll get good characterization for bucky and steve like how they were in catws instead of the horrible characterization of both of them in ftaws (it felt like their whole ideals and background were ignored/erased, even when one of them wasn't even in the show!)

but idk i'm just hoping bucky gets his OG characterization again and gets good friendships with the other members (except usagent i hate that guy) and maybe they bring steve back somehow likeee they still haven't confirmed him dead idkk.. (maybe the secret invasion show will use skrulls to fix a lot of character things who knows lmao)

idk i just think steve joining/making a team with bucky like a new modern day version of the howling commandos would be great like i need marvel to see the vision 🫥

I feel you, the ups and downs, although I will admit I also know next to nothing about what is happening with Marvel anymore, and usually the feeling surrounding current Marvel is just downs lol.

Overall though, mostly, I tune all the new stuff with Marvel out because... yeah, as you mentioned, the characterization has been trash™️ as they focus more and more on money and dominating the film and entertainment industry rather than on the actual content

*sigh*

I don't know though, who knows what Thunderbolts will bring? 🤷🏻‍♂️ I'm, personally, not that interested in it. Marvels burned me too much lol

Your ideas would be awesome, though, somehow bringing Steve back without stepping on toes... giving Bucky the story he deserves. A survivor's story. A ragtag team of characters that're recognized the way they should be... mostly victims/child soldiers/people that aren't even "villains" as Marvel claims they are.

[rebelrayne]

In terms of female LIs, it’s definitely controversial to like Marisol or Elisa! I used to see more Marisol stans around, but the hate does get a little much. Of the other female LI routes, I adore Angie and Yasmin and I’m very indifferent to Najuma and Lily. I tried Najuma’s route briefly, then I swapped back to Bruno. I’ve definitely got more out of Youcef route wise than I have for Najuma. Lily appears too late for me to get anything from her, I only picked her for drama reasons. She’s one who gets dumped on, similar to Rafi because of the tiny moment of drama in S3.

Talia and AJ are the usual favourite female LIs, so it’s difficult when you dislike both. AJ reminds me of Bobby in terms of her being very high energy and like a golden retriever in personality. She’d tire me out fast, and I tried coupling up with her briefly, but I went running back to Harry after her high energy was a struggle for me to vibe with. It’s cool that you can couple up with her so soon, don’t get me wrong. But she’s definitely not my preferred personality type. I prefer quiet introverts and calmer personalities, and am partial to sarcasm and dry personalities too. I find it strange how people accuse Marisol for flip flopping couple wise and going through the boys quickly when Talia is equally as flip floppy! After a bits scene, she referred to MC as ‘a bit of fun’, and I didn’t vibe with that at all. It felt very much like she was using MC, in a way that Marisol nor Angie ever seemed. Talia was more elusive and secretive and it made me feel like I was being used. I couldn’t complete her route as a result. Her route is the only slow burn I dislike, I like Jake, Marisol, Youcef and Angie’s routes.

As for the other extra routes, never tried Cherry in Matchmaker. I’ve considered trying it out, but I’m not her biggest fan in general, and it’s definitely one where you have to pick certain options to get her. It’s different when you’re willing to put in the effort, and I very much was for Allegra. I love the possible ETL or FTL vibes for the Lottie and Hannah routes. Yes, they’re very slow burn ones, with little content. But I’m willing to flesh them out more. I wish you could marry them at the wedding, to skip out the cheating aspect. That would’ve been an easy tweak, just mentioning MC had fallen out of love from the person she originally coupled with, and that she’d fallen for her best friend Hannah/Lottie instead. Allegra’s route was great, and a good ETL slow burn. I’ve definitely mentioned how rushed Priya’s route seemed, it didn’t feel like a real route.

I love the progression from friends to lovers from both Marisol’s and Angie’s routes, slow burn routes will always be my fave! I’ve heard people say it took too long to couple up with Marisol, but that’s the point of a slow burn. Technically, I could see Marisol not bringing back Graham if you were on her route, then her realising part of the reason she hasn’t clicked with the boys is MC as a possible tweak. And people point to the fact she appeared confident in her sexuality to start with, then seemed to flounder and struggle slightly. That’s understandable, and I’d clear that up by her being honest that she is bisexual but mentioning how relationships with women are more difficult for her. Those are just two possible ideas I had in general. Angie is the only popular LI I like, it was a little bit of a relief to see people adoring her. I feel like I’m floating in a lonely sea sometimes when it comes to the characters I latch onto.

Also, I’d really love a Lexi, Elladine, Genevieve or Hope route! Lexi is perfect for an ETL, and does give me Lottie vibes, so I’m not surprised that I love her. And I preferred the besties in S3 to the LIs for the most part, apart from Yasmin. Hope would be perfect for a FTL too, she’s a great bestie. Phew, I’ve just talked your ear off about female routes. I think I’m done, but if I think of extra stuff, might be back.

Writing a lot again so under the cut haha

Absolutely! Lily gets a lot of hate because of the role she plays in most routes. Most players were playing a Male LI route, so she came in and shook things up (then to add on top of it, stole Nicky). There are still people who don't realize Rafi does the same if coupled with AJ/Yasmin. I like to think a lot of people are pleasantly surprised by Youcef's route, he tends to be a character that matches well with a lot of players preferences.

But as for Marisol and Elisa, yeah and it's sad. I do like Elisa's character, too! Would have loved for her to stay based on choices and actions instead of Jo for some routes. She's very interesting. Would it have been nice for the two not to be tied together still? Of course but this is due to FB not due to the characters themselves.

Talia is definitely a character I didn't vibe with either, also as a best friend. I would have preferred for Tim to be the best friend as he seemed to really relate to MC with her situation. He was pretty well rounded that, yes, he was a bit out there but he was still relatable in so many ways. And you know I'm 100% here for you doing a Youcef route! Like I said, he is one of those that people are pleasantly surprised by. AJ, I can see it being a turn off that she's so upbeat. I love her personality but never did her route. I tried once but, same as you, it was a bit much for me. She's great though! I do like her, but not as an LI. I tend to lean towards LIs like you do: introverted, shy, quiet, etc.

Honestly, aside from Marisol/Elisa, the S2 Female LI routes are quite bare. They're just kind of... Half-done? They definitely could have fixed Lottie/Hannah by making them available from the start to marry at the wedding. I often times find myself disliking Hannah but I feel like had they made her an option this way, it would have redeemed her in my book. Like what an arc and journey she would have had and that's just very sweet.

But you are right! Marisol says from the beginning that she's more nervous talking to women than men. It's not out of character for her to be so nervous about coupling with MC because she said it from the start. There's nothing wrong with Marisol's route in general, other than a few tweaks that could be made that might make it feel more worth the wait (like you said, no Graham if you're on her route for example).

I understand the floating in a lonely sea though (hello, Youcef? Tom?). There's no content for the LIs I like the most, no vast amount of love for them as LIs. Lucky us, right? Angie's route is beautiful though. I just think her route in general was the best done route in LITG across the seasons. She's just such a great character, so much thought went into that arc. She's truly the best bestie you can have too, even if you choose not to do her route. Don't get me wrong, I love Thabi but... Angie is just so amazingly done.

I would love to see you embrace Lexi though! I'm currently writing with her but she's very bitter, calculated and manipulative. She's going in for a second time and she's got her whole route planned, even though she doesn't realize there will be a wrench thrown in that. Lexi is a character I feel could have been redeemed, or at least is a great character to write in fics. If you start writing with her too, definitely message me so we can compare notes!

You're always welcome in my inbox, Iris 🤍 any time you need to vent or talk about anything (female routes included)

[angst-king]

SO because I want to I'm going to go on a lil ramble about why Eijirou Kirishima from MHA is my comfort character while also 'kinning' (idk if that's the right term) Bakugou.....warning goes into detail about bullying, transphobia, and internal issues. Don't like. Don't read

----------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I got into MHA I believe around early highschool probably, sophomore yr of it (yeah I remember now due to covid). I was going through a rough time in my life where I was dealing with issues at home, doing martial arts, and figuring out who I was as a transman. I knew I wanted to be a boy since I was 9 it was more so 'what type of man'. When I got into MHA and saw Kirishima's backstory when it came to the bullying and not wanting to be weak anymore it was something I could relate to on a personal level. I had been horrifically bullied since I was young and as when during the time I got into the show/series. Not only that but at my martial arts place I wanted to prove I was just as strong as my peers if not stronger, I wanted to be the person my students and their parents could feel safe with. I literally took Kirishima's manliness philosophy and 'live life without regrets' to heart. His character was something that felt so close to human that I would relate to. Even though ya know in canon he's a cis boy, he tries to find out what sort of man and pro-hero he wants to be. And for me I wanted to be a man like him. On the flip side much like Katsuki I have an inferiority and superiority complex due to the harassment and awful things I've been through. One one hand I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough, others didn't see me as good enough or worth their attention or time. So I made it my thing to prove to them that I am. I wanted people to see me I wanted to be known.

The combination of both Bakugou and Eijirou''s canon traits did sink into my personality and it got me through a lot of hard times. Yes, I was caring, compassionate and sweet to children but I wasn't above sending some adult or teen crying either. Eijirou was willing to extend his arms out to those who needed it the most even if they wouldn't ask for it. And I did that too and sometimes it didn't always work out but other times I made some good friends. Having Kirishima as a comfort character & Bakugou as someone i 'kin' (again sorry if that isn't the right term) can be very strange at times but its gotten me through highschool and through getting my second-degree black belt. There were many fears I wouldn't have been able to face if not. Coming out to a martial arts place and using my chosen name in public was one of them....heights was another (I still hate heights man) I sought comfort in the parts I felt the most familiar. I sought comfort In the way he went about things and modeled himself to be.

Again sorry for the long winded, flip floppy ramble. I'm not good at explaining this and tried to not make this an essay. But now I'm curious, who's your comfort character (doesn't have to be MHA) and who do you kin (if you have one).

[csolarstorm]

My Experience Learning to Fold an Origami Cherry Blossom

This origami cherry blossom is really interesting, because it uses a pentagon shaped piece of paper instead of a rectangle. And it turns out it's actually pretty simple to fold and cut out accurate shapes using origami.

For my first attempt, I didn't have any pink origami paper, so I decided to use green and call it a starfruit. This first one so long, because the main step where the star comes together is a bit hard to conceptualize. But I figured it out...only to realize that I folded it on the wrong side and made the whole thing white.

I lost that attempt.

The second attempt looks good, but I still crumple the paper a lot trying to make the star. Also, I don't think I got the final step right...it seems kind of floppy, and the petals don't hold their shape.

So I decided to do another one, this time red. Now that I have some practice, I'm optimistic that things will go - well, somehow I cut the pentagon in half.

Okay, Attempt #3 doesn't count.

With that practice, I was determined to make my folds more precise and with minimal crumpling - and I did it! I made the star really fast!

...damn it, it's on the white side again. *unfolds it, flips it over* Well, now it's crumply. Crumply and floppy.

Also how the heck do I do the last step? The petals are not coming together.

At this point I found a better video by the same creator (the one I linked) that was a lot easier to understand. That's how I figured out what was going wrong with the petals. The last attempt did tear in some areas, and the petals are slightly crooked, but everything finally clicked.

If you try this one, I suggest using thin origami paper. It felt like my origami paper was still too thick.

[sadc0keh0e]

Tw drugs and ed mention

Oh my god I spent the entire day with a really good friend of mine. We ended up doing a lot of drugs. I think we went through a gram of coke in an hour and did a gram of Molly throughout the entire day. But it was such a good day. I haven’t felt this happy and comfortable and free in like 2 months. I missed her so much. I’ve only known her for 6 months but it feels like we’ve been best friends since childhood. We’re so comfortable with each other. Like we took a shower together and it wasn’t weird or awkward. I hang out in the bathroom with her while she poops and we just talk and vice versa. I haven’t had a close friendship like this ever. I really hope this lasts. I love her so much. She got mad at me yesterday for not reaching out to her for a while but I was just afraid I was bothering her. She always insists that I’m never a bother and gets mad when I say I am. I have a hard time accepting that but I’ve starting easing up more to it. I hope I get to see her again next week. I miss parting with her and hanging out with her.

I’m kinda happy since I didn’t eat anything all day and I’m not even hungry. It’s probably the coke but I can see that I look smaller. I hope I’m not hungry tomorrow. But knowing my boyfriend, he’s probably going to feed me something. He cares about me so much and I feel so bad because I’m so self centered and focused on myself. I want to do so much more for him. He deserves so much better from me and than me. I miss living with him. I can’t believe i fucked this relationship up so bad. I hope we can live together again soon. I really don’t want to go to Ontario and leave him here. I know he’s not going to come with me. And he’s definitely not gonna wait for me. I miss him so much but I feel so bad because I’m so flip floppy. Sometimes I can’t stand him and sometimes all I want to do is just be with him and love him and smother him with affection. I wish I could just love him all the time. I wish I could fix my brain. I want to love him for the rest of my life but I think I’m too fucked up. He deserves so much better than me. I really should get better for him but I just can’t seem to stop.

[likeastarstar]

1:11 PM - Taehyung

(A/N: part 3 of my ITS series!)

"Hey."

You looked up from the popsicle on your hand, squinting in the sunlight. You were sitting on the dock, legs dangling off the edge. It was nice- the way you could feel even the smallest shift of wind coming your way, the sunshine warming the skin on your shoulder, the light splashing of the water against wooden lattices anchoring the dock into the lake.

This vacation was needed- so desperately needed.

"Hey," You smiled, looking up at Taehyung as he approached you,

"What've you been up to?"

He was dressed in a thread barren oversized t-shirt and a pair of loose shorts, floppy brown hair pushed back by a thick headband. He was the picture of relaxed, one hand shoved in his pocket and the other flipping a bottle of green tea in the air, spinning it around carelessly like a baton. He needed this vacation too- maybe even more than you. The two of you never really knew how to pace yourself when it came to things you loved, consuming your passions whole and basking in it. It applied to each other, attached at the hip from the moment you met each other, but it also applied to your careers.

"Oh, you know- slept a little, ate a little, flew a kite," Taehyung grinned, shrugging casually. "You wanna take a walk?"

"A walk?" You repeated slowly, nodding and reached a hand out for him to hoist you upright.

It was nice outside, an orchard of trees creating a fluffy canopy that sun broke through, projecting a splotchy pattern onto Taehyung. He was practically glowing- he always shined but it was in moments like these, when he was completely disarmed and at ease that you appreciated his beauty the most. He was your best friend- he told you everything and insisted he was flawed, although you had known him for years and even his flaws seemed curated by some higher force intentionally.

He was the first person you called when you felt the weight of your passions that you had completely let take over your life come crashing down. It wasn't just one thing but everything at once- pushing down on the part of your brain that managed stress and sending you into a spiral. You just needed a break and Taehyung understood, convincing you to come with him on this trip.

"Yeah, I'm filming for work but that's only for part of it and then we can hang out. Come on, we haven't done anything like this in years," He insisted.

You agreed through sobs and deep heaves, hands clenched around your phone, hands clenched around the lifeline that was Taehyung.

"I've been thinking a lot on this trip," Taehyung announced, earth crunching under his feet.

"Here we go," You joked, laughing when he shoved you sideways,

"The last time you said that, you convinced me to get matching tattoos and then chickened out after I got mine!"

"I'm an idol- I have a certain look to maintain," He whined defensively, raising his hands up in the air.

"Jungkook's never gonna let it go," You grumbled, rolling your eyes. "Anyway- that's not the point, what I was saying was," He blurted out speaking so quickly that his words jumbled together. He paused, taking a breath before continuing, "I've been thinking a lot."

You hummed in response, not wanting to interrupt him. You didn't even want to look at him, worried that any sudden move would scare whatever thought he was working up towards away.

"I like seeing you, like this," He started, "Relaxed with nothing to worry about and happy. I like seeing you smile."

You smiled now, catching his hand in yours and swinging it freely in a gesture of thanks, "Thank you for inviting me on this trip- it's all because of you."

"Yeah, it is," He nodded, standing still for a moment. He tugged you to a halt by your joined hands, a determined look on his face. "It is because of me- this time. But I want to help you all the time, I want to make you smile all the time. Is that normal?"

You frowned, blinking at him blankly. Normal? Of course it was- right? It was normal for you to want to make your best friend happy.

"It's not me being nice- I'm being selfish, really." He continued, frowning. "Because it makes me sad when you're upset and I get upset when I can't be there all the time to make it better. Plus, I get upset because it's confusing- you know? The way I feel when you cry, it doesn't feel normal to me. I don't get like that with anyone else."

You were getting confused trying to follow his thought pattern, staring at your hand in his. You gripped it tighter, drifting towards him for some sort of comfort because even if you were desperately confused, some part of you felt better when he was nearest to you.

"Also, if I'm being totally honest, when you called me crying I was jealous because I hate that you felt that strongly about something and it wasn't me." He said bluntly, staring at you with an intimidating determination.

"S-So, are you mad at me?" You asked, tilting your head to the side. You felt a knot in your stomach, wanting him to say no- Taehyung being mad at you was just about the worst thing that could happen to you. You didn't feel as strongly about your job as you did for him- you didn't feel as strongly about anything as you did for him.

He shook his head, the look on his face all too serious for you to feel at ease, "No, actually I think it might be the opposite. I'm saying I want to make you happy all the time and I think I can do a better job as your boyfriend because I don't just want to make you smile but I also want to kiss you and I don't think that's a normal best friend type of feeling because I've never wanted to kiss Jimin. Okay, maybe that one time but that's beside the point."

"You want to... kiss me?" You said slowly, brain only now catching up. Your brain felt like it was short-circuiting, lost in confessions of non-platonic love and Jimin's extreme ability to make anyone fall for him.

"Yes," He nodded, "That's what I want."

"I think I might want that too," You said softly, stepping towards him shyly.

"Yeah?" He mumbled, his free hand brushing your side lightly before flattening on the small of your back. You jumped a little, not used to that kind of a touch from him. His hand felt warm and it was the same comfort you had always felt from him but intensified by a warmth in your belly and a rush of blood to the head. You nodded, eyes locked on his lips until he kissed you.

Your eyes fluttered shut and it was like someone gave you the last puzzle piece you hadn't known was missing in your life. Your chest hummed and swelled, filled an intense feeling you couldn't quite place yet. It was completely foreign to you and yet familiar at the same time- it was just Taehyung. He pulled away from your lips too soon, sending you trailing after him. He laughed softly, tucking your hair behind your ear before kissing you again and again and again and again...

You wanted to stay there forever, held to him with your lips against his and the sun warming your skin. There'd be time to talk later, to explore the new boundaries of your shifting relationship but for now you were happy, like this, held here.

masterlist.

[madmaddyenby]

/rp /dsmp

ok so- c!tommy. we are all aware he’s traumatized, and experiences ptsd from being in traumatic experiences, this is basically fact.  while i’d like to talk how c!tommy experiences ptsd, i’d like to bring up a thing i haven’t seen mentioned a lot when it comes to c!tommy and his trauma- c-ptsd.  also known as complex-ptsd.   it occurs when someone experiences something traumatizing for a period of time.

[image description: A screenshot of text with the words “CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a mental health condition in which a person might experience intense PTSD symptoms that coincide with other mental issues. CPTSD occurs in people who have been subjected to on going traumatizing experiences”. end description]

which, as we know, the exile arc fits the description of “ongoing traumatizing experiences” pretty fucking well.  the exile was basically just two weeks of trauma.  for a lot of reasons too, there was dream abusing tommy, tommy being isolated, tommys own depression/suicidal thoughts/bad mindset in general.   this would all be considered a ongoing traumatizing experience(s).  

ptsd is very similar to c-ptsd in how it develops, but ptsd occurs after one singular traumatizing event . (by the way, the event doesnt have to be life or death, it could be something like witnessing or hearing about a shocking event!!!)

symptoms of c-ptsd overlap with ptsd a good lot of the time, due to them both being trauma disorders.  however, there are a few differences.  here r some symptoms of c-ptsd, alot of which are ptsd symptoms that alot ofpeople with c-ptsd experience as well

reliving the traumatic experience

avoiding certain situations 

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

hyperarousal (jitteriness, being on alert, etc)

somatic symptoms (physical symptoms with no underlying cause)

lack of emotional regulation 

change in consciousness

negative self-perception

difficulty with relationships

distorted reception of abuser

loss of system of meanings

now, i’ll go over which of these fit our boy c!tommy, and how they fit for some of them atleast.  i will only be talking about the things that are a result from c-ptsd, but also c-ptsd works where it coincides with other mental illnesses a person has so.  its also important to note that within a person these symptoms might not stay the same over time, and not everyone who has c-ptsd or ptsd is going to experience it the same.   (so not talking abt how pain affects him after dying in the prison, though that is a clear sign of ptsd) 

reliving the traumatic experience

tommy’s done this with exile a few times, when revisiting logstedshire, when he saw the craters in logstedshire, when visiting dream in prison, when during the disc finale dream dug the hole and told him to put his armour in, etc etc, he’s even described himself as being trembly in the fingers near plain biomes, while visting logsted he mentioned how shaky it made him to be there, and when he visited logsted one time he had an immediate reaction to seeing a hole in the ground that came off as him reliving it. flashbacks come in from sensations during a traumatic event, like sight, feeling, emotion, etc, etc.  it seems like with these he’s experiencing more of a reliving the emotions kind of thing. 

avoiding certain situations 

i was originally not gonna include this one, but thinking about it, he kind of does in a way.   this symptom also includes keeping yourself preoccupied to avoid thinking about it, which is something c!tommy seems to do alot.  with focusing on building the hotel, and doing tasks, or grinding for supplies instead of actually thinking about it.  

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

c!tommy uh. does this a lot.  a lot of it stems from how during exile tommy was isolated and made to believe no one cared for him, and even if that wasn’t true c!tommy never really got much closure on that.  hes not really trusting ppl that b4 were really close to him, tubbo n ranboo for example

lack of emotional regulation

this can also be described as uncontrollable feelings.  this is the one i’ve wanted to talk about the most i think- because this is really fits c!tommy.  he tends to lash out alot, for example burning the flower c!ranboo gave him, there are a bunch more examples of this that include him yelling at others, that one time when he spleefed c!jack 

negative self-perception

yeah.  theres a few examples of this one, the one that first comes to mind is that time during the green festival where he was talking about how he was worse than everyone he didn’t wanna be (including his abuser, c!dream...) .  theres now when he was building his tower by the prison when he was saying he couldn’t use the cobble because it was too him, and people didnt like the cobble. alot of this i think comes from c!dream making him feel basically worthless in exile :(

difficulty with relationships

  Yeah. um.  Alot for this one!!! The first to come to mind is c!tubbo.  c!tommy and c!tubbos relationship is very very wonky, especially considering recent events with tommy feeling like he is being replaced with c!ranboo.  (which he isnt by the way! he just feels as though, which is a valid feeling for him to have :]) .  another person that comes to mind is c!ranboo.  he’s even mentioned how his and ranboos relationship goes back and forth quite alot.  its not very surprising to see that he has difficulty with relationships especially considering a lot of the reason that the exile affected him so badly was because he felt so alone and was so isolated from his friends.  another thing that comes to mind, is when he made c!sam sign that contract promising hat he’d be his best friend and protect him.  theres most likely way more that can be said here, but this is the first stuff that comes to mind.  

distorted reception of abuser

um... yeah.  this one.  this can also be described as , “ becoming preoccupied with the relationship between you and your abuser. It can also include preoccupation with revenge or giving your abuser complete power over your life. “  which is um.  yeah.  c!tommy.  he’s mentioned how whenever he’s around c!dream he feels like hes conditioned to be his friend (which. yea . he was .).  right after he left logstedshire this was very very prominent, he was the biggest c!dream apologist around (/j), saying things like “dream didnt do anything wrong” and even explaining how he wasnt sure about things when it comes to c!dream, that his mind became flip floppy whenever he thought about him.   right now, hes focused on getting back at c!dream, not fully for revenge, mainly for his friends and how he doesnt want c!dream to go around killing and reviving everyone, but the point still stands.  (this all makes me extra sad because he had gone to the prison the second time in the first place to get closure :(( )

loss of system of meanings

Systems of meaning refer to your religion or beliefs about the world.  This can also refer to getting a strong sense of hopelessness or despair about the world, which as of late mainly c!tommy seems to have.  mainly referencing in his stream where he visited dreams bunker, he was asking what the point was of finding things that made him happy if dream was just going to get out the prison and destroy it.  theres also a few things that also go with this, in one stream while he burnt down ponks lemon tree for sam nook he said  "thats still decaying, but yknow, arent we all." and that one time when he gave that hotel invitation to c!techno he was like “ahahha we could die tomorrow anyway” 

-

its also important to note that, “Any type of long-term trauma, over several months or years, can lead to CPTSD. However, it seems to appear frequently in people who’ve been abused by someone who was supposed to be their caregiver or protector. “ Which is.. fairly accurate in c!tommy’s situation.  c!dream might’ve not been a caregiver or protector necessarily but he was still someone that was looking after him yknow? 

there are most likely more things than what i layed out that show that c!tommy most likely also has cptsd, however this is just the stuff that i thought up :] add to the post if you’d like to!

(also this isn’t saying that c!tommy doesnt have ptsd, he had both ptsd and c-ptsd. also i am not an expert about ptsd, cptsd, or mental health in general, if i got any information wrong let me know)

[multi-fandom-imagines-stuff]

Smaller Than This

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff/daughter!reader, Peter Parker/platonic!reader, Wanda Maximoff/reader

Description: The reader is Natasha Romanoff’s daughter, best friend of Peter Parker, and girlfriend of Wanda Maximoff. Growing up in the spotlight is hard enough, but things cross a line when people start commenting on the reader’s weight.

Warnings: eating disorder, swearing, threats of violence

Word count: 3,282

A/N: I know it’s not easy to deal with eating disorders, but please know that you are beautiful and amazing and you don’t deserve to have to suffer through that. Please, if you are struggling with this, reach out for help. <3

✩❀✩❀✩

Black Widow’s daughter spotted in Central Park with new best friend Scarlet Witch and Stark Industry intern Peter Parker! Could Parker be y/n’s new boyfriend?

You laughed and rolled your eyes as you clicked on the tweet. Stalking paparazzi twitter accounts had to be one of your favorite pastimes, simply because the so-called facts they were giving out were false 99% of the time. For instance, this situation? You had gone out for a picnic with Peter and Wanda when those photos were taken, and the paparazzi completely twisted things. Peter wasn’t your boyfriend, he was just your best friend. And Wanda wasn’t your best friend, she was your girlfriend. You chose to ignore the false headline as you went immediately for the replies.

‘Do you see the way y/n’s looking at Wanda? It seems more like there’s something going on between them than there is between y/n and Peter’

You smiled and liked that tweet. You liked messing with people just a bit. Whenever someone would tweet about there possibly being a relationship between you and Wanda, you liked the tweet. It wasn’t enough information to actually confirm the relationship as true, but it was enough to keep people speculating.

You scrolled through several more replies. Most of them were people using the heart eyes emoji or saying how much they loved your mom, but there were a few in there that stuck out more than the rest. That was because they were harsh and hurtful.

‘I don’t understand how someone can live with the Avengers and still look like that. Does she ever even exercise?’

‘She could stand to lose some weight. Instead of going out for a picnic, she should try to skip a few meals’

You read through replies for a few more minutes. Similar comments would pop up now and then, and while there wasn’t an overwhelming amount, there was still enough to make you close down the app and shut off your phone, averting all your attention toward not crying. 

“Miss y/n, dinner has been called,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice rang through your room.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind, you got off your bed and made your way to the dining room. There, Peter and Wanda were setting the table while Steve and Bucky carried out the food.

You walked up behind your girlfriend and wrapped your arms around her waist, resting your chin on her shoulder. You felt her jump slightly before she realized it was you and relaxed into your touch. You placed a kiss on her cheek.

“I love you,” You whispered in her ear.

“Hey! What did we talk about?” Tony directed at you, raising an eyebrow at you and causing you to roll your eyes.

“No lovey-dovey shit at the dinner table,” You mumbled.

“Language!” Steve scolded you as Clint joined the conversation.

“Oh, come on, Tony,” He said. “It’s young love. It’s harmless and adorable.”

“It makes me want to hurl,” Tony retorted.

To onlookers, it may have sounded like Tony was being a real dick, but you knew he was just teasing you. He’d never admit it, but secretly he loved how happy you and Wanda made each other.

“Watch it, Stark,” Your mom shot him a glare. “That’s my kid you’re talking about.”

Your head whipped up at your mom’s voice. She had been on a mission for the past week and wasn’t supposed to get home for another three days.

“Mom!” You yelled as you ran toward her, wrapping your arms around her as you squeezed her tight.

“Hey, kiddo! I’ve missed you!” She said, hugging you back and kissing you lightly on the forehead.

“I’ve missed you, too!”

“As much as I hate to break up this reunion,” Bucky said, causing you to pull away from your mom. “Steve and I slaved over dinner and it’s getting cold, so let’s eat.”

You took your seat at the table—in between Peter and Wanda—and filled your plate with the spaghetti and garlic bread Steve and Bucky made. Everyone was silent as you all dug into your food and, you had to admit, it tasted amazing. 

When Steve and Bucky first moved in, neither of them were allowed near a stove without supervision. They had started too many accidental fires. But after lots and lots of practice, the two of them easily became the best cooks in the tower.

After dinner, you excused yourself to your room. Your phone was still lying face down on the bed, so you grabbed it and opened it up. Right away, you noticed several notifications from twitter. Upon further investigation, you found that the rude comments people were saying about you had extended to your messages. Now, you had complete strangers messaging you about how you needed to ‘lose weight’, or ‘eat less’, or ‘exercise more’. A few of the messages even called you a ‘disappointment to the Avengers’.

You deactivated your account and deleted the app from your phone, but the damage was already done and you knew it. So you came up with a plan and decided to set it into motion the next morning.

✩❀✩❀✩

You woke up in the morning to your alarm blaring. Checking the time, you saw it was 4:30, and you wondered why your alarm was going off so early before you remembered the plan you had made the night before.

You got out of bed and quickly dressed in athletic attire before running out of your room. You knew Steve liked to run in the mornings, so you sat in the kitchen waiting for him.

When he finally sauntered in at 5:00, he was more than surprised to see you sitting there.

“Y/n?” He asked. “What’re you doing up so early?”

“Can I run with you today, Uncle Steve?” You asked him, a pleading look on your face that you knew he couldn’t say no to.

“Yeah, sure,” He said. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be sleeping?”

You nodded. 

“I want to start running. My mile time in P.E. class has been slacking lately and I don’t want to fail the class.”

You were surprised yet proud of how quickly you were able to come up with that lie, and you were happy to see that Steve believed every word of it.

So that’s how you spent your morning: running laps with Steve.

The two of you finally called it quits around 6:15 and parted ways. Steve went off to do whatever he did during the days, and you went off to squeeze in a quick shower before school.

By the time you were done with your shower, it was nearly 7:00, which meant you had to rush to get dressed. You finally made it to the kitchen, where Wanda was already waiting for you. The two of you yelled a quick ‘bye’ to whoever was listening before you started the quick walk to the bus stop.

You felt Wanda’s hand interlock with yours and a smile arose on your face as you squeezed her hand. You two didn’t want to publicly disclose your relationship yet, so you knew the minute you reached the bus stop you’d have to let go.

✩❀✩❀✩

At lunch, you sat at a table with Wanda, Peter, MJ, and Ned. You skipped the food line and instead opted to sip at a bottle of water.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” Peter asked you.

“What do you mean?” You shot back, not quite sure what he was getting at.

“You’re not eating.”

Shit. You had to think of a lie, and you had to be extra careful since your girlfriend could read minds. She promised you she’d never read your mind without your consent, but you were still wary.

“Uh...I’m just not feeling well,” You said. “My stomach is feeling a little flip-floppy and I don’t want to push it.”

To your luck, they nodded it off and changed the topic, not questioning you again for the rest of the day.

That night at dinner, you pushed the food around on your plate, eating a few bites here and there. It wasn’t hard to pretend you had eaten, especially since your family was so big. Everyone seemed to be so caught up in conversations with other people that they didn’t notice when you got up and scraped your food into the trash.

✩❀✩❀✩

These habits carried on for a few more weeks. You’d wake up every morning to run with Steve, make up some excuse for why you didn’t eat lunch, and you’d have a few bites of dinner before sneakily trashing it. On most weekends, you chose to spend your time training with your mom. You claimed it was so that you could stay sharp with your self-defense skills, and while that wasn’t necessarily a lie, it wasn’t the full truth, either. But your mom never questioned it, and you were glad.

You seemed to fly under the radar, until one Sunday afternoon.

You walked into your room after training with your mom to find Peter and Wanda waiting for you.

“Hey, guys,” You greeted, throwing yourself into a chair and downing half a bottle of water. “What’s up?” 

“We know,” Wanda said, a stern yet concerned look on her face.

“Know what?” You asked her, although you could feel your heart rate rising. You knew what she was talking about.

“That you haven’t been eating,” Peter joined in.

“What’re you talking about? Of course I’ve been eating.”

That was a lie. Your stomach hadn’t been properly filled in weeks and you couldn’t remember the last time it wasn’t rumbling. But that wasn’t important. What was important was the fact that you were finally losing weight. There’s no way you could stop now.

“Cut the crap, y/n,” Peter said, catching you by surprise. “We’ve been watching you. I can’t even remember the last time you bought a school lunch.”

“And you pick at your food at dinner every night,” Wanda added. “I haven’t seen you eat more than three bites. You think no one notices, but you’re wrong. And I can feel you, love. You feel...empty.”

Wanda rested her hand on your knee as you tried to process what was happening. You had been so good at hiding this, how had they found out?

“You guys, I’m—” You started before Peter cut you off.

“Don’t say you’re fine, because you’re not. We know it, and you know it, so please stop lying to us, y/n. We just want to help.”

“I have it under control, I don’t need help,” You protested. “Just...please don’t tell my mom.”

“Y/n—”

“Wanda, please,” You begged. “My mom has enough to worry about as it is. I don’t need to add this to her stress as well. I promise, I have it under control. I’m alright.”

Wanda and Peter shared a look before turning back to you. 

“We’ll keep this between us for now,” Peter said, and you felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.

“But, if things get any worse, we won’t hesitate to bring your mom into this,” Wanda warned.

You nodded and the two of them left, Wanda kissing you quickly before walking out of the room. 

‘I just need to hide it better’ you thought to yourself. ‘This is all my fault for being too obvious about things. I need to do better.’

Wanda and Peter had dropped the topic for the time being, until a week later, things took a turn for the worse when your P.E. teacher announced that your class was running the mile that day.

Thanks to training with Steve, your mile time had improved and you were one of the fastest in the class. However, due to malnutrition, any sort of exercise made you extremely lightheaded. 

You ignored the part of your brain that was telling you to make up some excuse to sit out. You convinced yourself you just weren’t drinking enough water so you drank an entire water bottle and went to class.

You were about halfway done with your mile when the corners of your vision turned black. You blinked a few times, trying to edge it away, but it was no use. By now, you heard a loud ringing in your ears and the world started spinning around you. You slowed down a bit, trying to regain your composure when you felt your knees buckle underneath you, and you were plunged into a world of darkness, not feeling it when you hit the ground.

✩❀✩❀✩

When you awoke, you were still laying on the field, your entire class swarming around you. You were trying to sit up when you felt something attached to your hand. 

You looked to the right and saw Wanda sitting there, looking scared as hell.

“Miss Maximoff, Mr. Parker, please escort Miss Romanoff to the nurse’s office,” Your teacher ordered.

You felt Wanda help lift you to a standing position and once you were up, you felt the world start spinning again. You shut your eyes tight as two arms, you assumed they belonged to Wanda and Peter, wrapped around either side of your waist. Soon enough, the dizziness ceased and you opened your eyes, signaling for Peter and Wanda to start walking with you.

You made it to the nurse’s station where you saw your mom already waiting.

“Mom?” You asked, wondering how she had gotten to your school so quickly.

“Peter called me the second he saw you fall,” She explained.

You, Wanda, and Peter were dismissed from school early, and your mom led you all back to her car. You sat in the passenger seat while Peter and Wanda sat in the back.

“What happened?” Your mom demanded.

The tone of her voice scared you a little bit, but you knew it was filled more with concern than it was with anger.

“I must’ve just gotten overheated or something,” You lied, knowing exactly why you passed out. “I was doing fine one second, and then the next I was on the ground.”

“That’s not true, Ms. Romanoff,” Peter interjected.

You whipped your head around to him and shook your head, silently pleading him to not tell her.

“What do you mean?” She asked. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“Peter, stop,” You said, panicking at what was about to be said.

“Y/n hasn’t eaten a proper meal in a month,” Wanda admitted.

You shot your girlfriend a look of betrayal before turning back around to face forward.

“You, what?!” Your mom blared. “Y/n, is this true?”

Your silence was enough of an answer for her to understand that yes, it was true.

“Y/n, baby, why?” Your mom said.

You could tell she was trying to be strong, but her voice was cracking.

“Because I’m not like you guys, okay?!” You finally snapped, letting loose all of your pent-up emotions. “I don’t have a super-human metabolism like Peter, and I don’t have a perfectly in-shape body. I’m not an avenger and it sure as hell shows. Even people I don’t even know were making comments about it on twitter.”

“Is that why you disabled your account?” Peter asked, realization hitting him.

You nodded and looked down at your fingers, not wanting to make eye contact with any of them.

By now, you had reached the tower and your mom put the car into park, turning to face you.

“Y/n, I know it’s been hard for you to grow up in the spotlight, constantly being compared to us but this isn’t healthy,” She said, cupping your chin and lightly pulling your head up to meet her gaze. “If I had known all of this, I never would have let you do all those extra training sessions with me. It’s not safe for you to keep exercising like this when you’re not giving your body proper nourishment.”

“I can’t—” You sniffed. “I can’t stop. I need help.”

You felt a tear roll down your cheek as your mom brushed it away, pulling you in for a hug before the four of you got out of the car.

Once inside, your mom told you to sit down in the living room while she left for a few minutes. When she returned, she had the rest of the team with her and you could only assume she had given them the run-down on your situation. 

You were slightly hurt that she had shared your personal life like that, but you knew it was for the best.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Your mom said once everyone was settled. “Y/n, you’re going to help with dinner every night. I know it can be hard once you’ve developed a food phobia, but when you’re in control of what we eat every night it makes things a little easier. No more throwing your food in the trash, okay? As for school, I’ll be making you a homemade lunch each day, and Peter and Wanda will be keeping an eye on you and will be reporting back to me. First thing tomorrow, I’ll call and set you up an appointment with a therapist. Bottling up your emotions will only make things worse, trust me. You need to talk to someone, and a therapist will help to give you healthier coping mechanisms.”

You listened as your mom laid out these new rules before telling you to go lie down. As you got up to leave, you were bombarded with your family hugging you and telling you they were there for you. You honestly had never felt more loved and supported in your life.

You finally made your way to your room, lying down in bed. A few minutes later, you heard a knock at your door.

“Come in,” You said weakly.

The handle turned and Wanda walked in, using her powers to levitate a tray behind her. You sat up and she put the tray down in your lap. On the tray, you saw there was a plate of cheese and crackers.

You looked down at the tray before looking up at your girlfriend. You forced yourself to pick up one of the crackers and take a bite, your mind screaming at you the entire time. But you were sick. You knew this. You wanted to get better.

“I’m sorry for telling your mother,” Wanda spoke. “You were slowly killing yourself and I couldn’t stand by and watch it happen. I’m so sorry, y/n. Can you forgive me?”

“I don’t blame you, Wan,” You told her. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I never should have forced you and Peter to keep this a secret.”

Wanda wrapped you into her arms, squeezing tightly. The two of you stayed like that for a long time before you pulled away and, bite by bite, finished the snack she had brought you.

✩❀✩❀✩

You had been in recovery for about a month now, and while things were far from easy, you knew you could do it. Your family was your support system and they were right there by your side every step of the way.

You were sitting on the couch with Peter and Wanda, you and your girlfriend tangled in each other’s arms as you watched your mom on tv. She was finishing up a press conference.

“Oh, and one last thing before I go,” She spoke toward the camera and the audience. “Whoever decided to make awful comments about my daughter online, I am a trained assassin and I will find you.”

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[ren-therose]

You Are Like Me (Pt. 1 of "Winter's End)

Roommate!Bucky X F!Reader

Summary: You and Bucky begin rooming together after Sam discovers your background and suggests you live with him. . As another failed HYDRA experiment with an enhanced skill set, Sam decides that you, the newest recruit who shares a similar path with the Winter Soldier would benefit from living together.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Cursing, semi-spoilers for FATWS (but nothing plot related, just set during that time).

A/N: This started out as a one-shot for our man Bucky Barnes, but now there will be multiple pieces with this as the wonderful starting piece to the story. I don't know how much the parts will be reliant on a plot, but it will all be based on the same love story throughout. The parts don't necessarily need to be read all together and in order. There will be a variety with this couple, varying from angst to smut, fluffy fluffy FLUFFY shit, and some very depressing stuff too. I hope that these different pieces fulfill all your Bucky needs and help you feel like you really have a developed and copasetic relationship with this lovely gentleman.

"Jesus, who the hell are you?"

I had been laying on a neatly made bed in the apartment Sam had signed me up for. I was staring at the ceiling mindlessly as an old record player spun, emitting the scratchy tones of classic 1940s music. In my hand was a small journal, opened to a blank page towards the middle of the book. My eyes shot open, my hand grabbing a knife from the back of my pants as I launched myself off the bed and towards the unfamiliar man in the doorway.

Before the knife could reach his throat, cool metal met my wrist, stopping my arm in its track. I was practically on top of the dark man in front of me, staring up into his bright cerulean orbs. He seemed almost amused by this first introduction. Almost. The glimmer of humor left his eyes as soon as my knee made contact with his groin, causing him to keel over, as I maneuvered around him to be behind, using his arms hold on me to choke himself.

"I could ask you the same question, blue eyes," I said with a snort. I realized quickly he wasn't an enemy, but the continued power struggle was fun enough to let it play out. Before I could plan my next move though, I was flipped over his broad shoulders, and square on my back, the impact knocking the wind out of me. I looked up through my lashes, trying to focus my eyesight as the splitting headache blurred my vision. Standing above me, the man let out a soft chuckle as he stepped over me, making his way over to the bed and sitting on the edge. I slowly lifted my head, still dizzy from the landing, as his eyes followed the outline of my body.

I was still in my training clothes, too tired to have changed out of the tight tank top and cargo pants. I had been perfecting my combat technique so that I could fend for myself, but it seems I was not yet ready to fight whoever the stranger in my room was.

"Here," he started, getting up from his place and reaching his right hand out to me. I stared at it for a moment, not sure if I should give in or not, though I could tell I would have to. I placed my hand in his, surprised by the contrasting warmth I felt compared to the hand he had caught my wrist in. He quickly pulled me up, causing me to launch into his chest, my left arm quickly wrapping around his bicep to steady myself.

"You can feel me up later doll, but can you explain what the hell you are doing in my room?" He taunted.

I realized that his colder hand was on the small of my back and I leaned back into grasp as I sneered "I could say the same for you..." I noticed the outline of dog tags imprinted underneath his shirt, glancing back up into his eyes with a wink, "Sarge".

He let go, allowing me the chance to step back and start searching for my knife. I could feel his eyes on me, questions waiting to be asked.

"You are Seragnet Barnes, correct?" I mused, grabbing my weapon from the corner and twirling it in my hand before replacing it in its holster. The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile at my maneuver, but quickly looked down and cleared his throat before replying.

"Yes ma'am. And I apologize for not knowing your name, as well as for throwing you," he grunted. It was suddenly a very formal manner in which he spoke. My eyebrow quirked up, as I spun on my heels and made my way into the kitchen, hearing heavy footsteps follow in time.

"Y/N".

"And what are you doing in my room, Y/N?" he said inquisitively. I was now the freezer for an ice pack, finding a floppy blue one in the back.

"I guess, I'm your roommate," I shrugged, putting the ice pack to the back of my head as I moved towards the bathroom.

"Wait, Sam told me I was meeting someone named "Y/L/N", they were gonna stay here for a bit," he retorted, once again following behind.

"That is my last name Blue Eyes. Need an ID or something?" I called over my shoulder, turning the corner to enter the bathroom, reaching towards the medicine cabinet.

"That still doesn't explain why you were on my bed," he scoffed, leaning against the door frame as I scavenged through the drawers.

"I didn't think anyone was living here. I was told I'd have a roommate, but I didn't think anyone had moved in yet. You have, like, no shit here. It looks like a hotel room," I critique, standing up with a shake of the bottle in my hand.

"I'm using your Ibuprofen" I say with mock respect. I move past him as I saunter back towards the kitchen. He can't help but laugh at this bizarre encounter and that I am truly not making this easy for him.

"You have a lot of sass for someone who just had their ass beat," he jeers, leaning forward on the counter between us.

All I could do was smile and shake my head, throwing the pills into my mouth and taking a swig of water.

"So, Y/L/N, why do you figure we Sam is rooming us together?"

"Love match?" I joke, placing the now empty cup in the sink and walking over to his side, leaning my back against the countertop.

He snorts, amused by my sarcasm once more. "Maybe, but I have a feeling it goes deeper," he says, turning to rest his side on the counter as he looks me over, clearly searching for something.

"You aren't gonna find any metal attached to me, Barnes," I report, turning to brace myself against the counter. "They messed me up in here." I gesture to forehead, softly tapping to get my point across.

His face falls as he realizes what I mean.

"HYDRA..." was all he could make out.

"They weren't just trying to make soldiers. They were trying to make spies. Hyper intelligent ones that can be manipulated without the risk of losing control or access, like a computer could. I am their failed experiment," I say softly. I chuck the ice pack into the sink, and make my way over to the window, rubbing at the back of my head.

"You have super soldier serum. I have an acute memory and the ability to calculate probable outcomes and human error. I remember..." I turn back to look him in the eye, "everything".

His mouth slightly gapes as he looks me over. "I was a lethal weapon when placed in sensitive situations. If I knew the possible endings of different scenarios, I could pick which one could happen."

He steps towards me, as if he was considering whether to comfort me. Before he could though, I straightened up and tried to scurry past him.

"I am so sorry for invading your space, I'll take my stuff out of your room. I can stay on the couch until-" The Winter Soldier cut me off, grabbing my arm before I could make it into the room.

"No, take the bed, please," he began. "I don't sleep in it anyways. Too comfy."

My eyes go from the grip on my arm up to his eyes, staring down at me, but with concern. I softened my face, providing a half smile as I nodded my head.

"Okay, Sarge. Let's eat though- I'm starving. You order the pizza while I take a shower. Then we can talk."

He let me go, looking down into my eyes, "I think I know your favorite kind."

I raised a brow at this bet, curious to see if he was right. "Alright...we will see..."

I turned and made my way towards the bathroom, looking back to see him still watching.

---

Shit, I don't have my clothes.

I was dripping from the shower still and my hair was very haphazardly put in a bun to keep the water from dripping. I quietly opened the door and peeked my head out, searching for my new roommate. When I had determined the coast was clear, I scurried into the room, shutting the door behind me quietly. When I turned around, I shrieked to see James exiting my closet, a few shirts in hand.

"What the fuck Barnes!!" I choke, desperately clutching my towel, as I had almost lost my grip. He dropped the shirts to the ground, slapping his hand over his eyes in case I did lose my covering.

"Damn, Y/L/N, let me buy you dinner first!" He laughs, trying to make his way to the door.

"Oh you are SO paying for the pizza now Barnes," I fume, adjusting my towel and making my way to the other side of the bed where my bag was.

"So you're saying I can look?"

"You just scared me, I'm decent you prick". I kneeled down beside the bed, opening my bag to see that all of my clothes were missing.

"Are you. fucking. SHITTING ME?" I curse, banging my already sore head onto the side of the bed.

"What did I do this time," the soldier groans.

"No, it's not you, it's just that...well shit. My clothes are missing."

"Oh yeah. I threw them in the wash for you. You weren't carrying a lot, and it's a force of habit from the old days, I thought they would be done by now but-"

"Sergeant?" I interrupt, seething with rage and a tinge of embarrassment.

"Y/L/N?"

"I don't have any clothes," I hiss.

"oh." he says shortly. I press my face into the bed, trying not to scream bloody murder. Suddenly, I feel two soft things land on me, causing me to turn my face to the side.

"Sweats and a shirt. Don't do anything weird," he quipped, leaving me in the room alone.

I look down at the black sweats and navy blue shirt. It was soft, and smelled of fabric softener and pine. I looked up at the empty hallway as I heard the front door open and shut behind him as he went to get the pizza.

I slipped on the clothes and looked myself over in the mirror. I decided to let my hair down to air dry, and the rest of me looked swallowed in his clothes. His sweats were pulled tightly around my hips, exposing my stomach when I stood. The shirt would probably be form fitting on him, but it just barely gave me a shape, though my chest clung to the fabric. I didn't know what this meant, but whatever it was felt nice.

---

"I got the pizza, and Sam already confirmed I was right about it being your favorite so..." James trailed off as he saw me standing in the kitchen, leaning over a brochure of sorts. I looked up to see him holding pizza in one hand and soda in the other as his eyes widened at my get up.

"No snappy remark, blue eyes? Wow, they just keep getting wide-" he cut me off by throwing the box down in front of me.

"Movie?" he muttered, quickly making his way past towards the living room.

"uh...okay. Can we watch 'Casablanca'?"

He turned around, looking at me with confusion.

"You know that movie? That was made almost 80 years ago."

"I'm a sucker for the classics, James," I say, grabbing the pizza and soda of the counter and bringing it to the coffee table.

"Bucky, please. We're gonna be living together and already saw you half-naked," he chides, sitting down on the couch and flipping it on with the remote.

"Okay, Bucky, do you remember the plot?" I probe, sitting myself next to him as I placed two glasses in front of us. I pulled my legs up to cross and adjusted the waist of my pants to sit above my stomach more comfortably. He was leaning back into the sofa, as I was turned to face him, waiting patiently for a response.

"I mean, I remember looking back on it and how terribly it depicted the war. It was not easy to find love abroad," he stated, reaching to grab a slice of pizza.

"Were you looking for love?"

"I was looking for fun. I was pretty sure I was gonna die, or at least not make it back. I was kind of right," he finished, biting into the slice.

"Yeah, not a lot of love in present day HYDRA safe-houses either. Not that I had time for it between missions, I say, leaning over to pour the drinks.

"Well what were you before...them?"

"A history student, if you can believe it. Wanted to study abroad and learn about wars, apply it to algorithms to prevent them. Seems like the common denominator was always men," I reply with a wink.

"I can't say you are wrong. But I am impressed. And now..."

"Now, I'm protected by the Avengers, er- what's left of them, and am able to use my skills for good. All of that history knowledge, everything I have ever learned and forgotten about, I can remember it all". I looked him up and down. "I didn't recognize you without the long hair and this stubble thing kinda threw me off, it's not the same as the pictures in the museum".

He adjusted his angle to better face me, curiosity etched across his features. "You really are something," he contended. The comment caused me to pull back, shocked by his honesty.

"I...uh..." I stammer, unsure of how to proceed.

"If you're going to say thank you, don't bother. It's just a fact," he noted, once more causing me to fall to silence.

He started looking up the movie, struggling with the technology of the remote.

As I studied him, the tension in his jaw, the stress he carries in his eyes, I realized I shared similar features.

"ты как я," I whisper under my breath, unsure if he even heard me.

You are like me.

I knew when he straightened up, and slowly looked in my direction.

"я знаю," he replied.

I know.

I reached my hand out to his arm, resting it on gently.

"What does this mean?" I asked softly.

"I'm not quite sure."

------

The next morning, I awoke to the smell of deep roast coffee.

Bucky and I had spent almost the entire night talking. We skimmed around the dark parts of our past, knowing that there would be time for that, but instead got to know the things that really shaped who we are today.

He really enjoyed his time in Wakanda. It was incredibly healing for him, and allowed him a chance to find piece, something we ex-soldiers and spies rarely could get. He told me about his life in the 40s, or what he could remember. A lot of his memories has been formed with the help of Steve, which I knew caused him pain. But he also found happiness in retelling those stories, knowing that someone else will see him as more than the Winter Soldier.

I shared my experience abroad. I had been all across the USA, in Canada, both Iceland and Greenland, Poland, France, Italy, Turkey, London, and of course Sokovia. It was were I had been taken during my travels. I had never told anyone about this before, but I had felt so comforted knowing that he had been through something so similar.

I don't know when, but at some point in the night, I had ended up falling asleep propped up on the couch. When I woke up in my bed the next morning, I realized it must have been him. I looked down to see I was still wearing his shirt, and smiled to myself. When I got up, I found his sweats on the floor, knowing I probably kicked them off when I got into bed. I stepped back into them, pulling them up around my legs and tying them once more on my hips. I looked in the mirror, my hair limp and flat from sleep. Checking my phone, I walked out, scratching my head and rubbing my face, yawning as the coffee smell grew stronger.

"доброе утро," he greets me, smirking at the confused face I made.

"No Russian. Too early. Try again later," I mumbled, jumping up to sit on the counter. He held up the sugar, shaking it in my face.

"Two to three teaspoons please," I groan, pushing the container out of my face.

"Someone likes it sweet," he laughs, dumping in my unhealthy request.

"And creamer, if you have some," I added, smiling as he turned towards the fridge.

"Did you know you speak Russian in your sleep?"

"I bet you do the same. All HYDRA escapees probably," I mutter, taking the mug from his hands.

"Well, you will have to let me know sometime," he chides, taking a sip of his own black coffee.

"Last night was...."

"Traumatizing?"

"Yeah, but maybe healing too?"

"Good," he exclaims, walking over to the couch. He sits down, swiping his phone off the charger next to him.

"Before you have to go, do you want some breakfast?" I offer, scanning his response to my inquiry.

"Is that your power thing? You knew they would ask me to work today?" He questions, looking down at the phone and then back at me.

"It's a skill, not a power. I'm not a superhero," I laugh, getting out the contents for a breakfast sandwich.

"Yes, I would like one. But you already knew that didn't you?"

"No skills required. Tony texted me this morning too. We are training together."

He smiled. He almost looked excited.

"I'm gonna beat your ass again Y/L/N".

"You wish".

-----------------------------------------------------

Every day, we played out the same routine.

I would wake up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. I'd come out, thank him and proceed to make us breakfast. We would then go to combat training for a few hours. When he wasn't helping me, he was working on his own workout routine; often, he would put aside time to just focus on improving my knife skills. He would always joked that I showed promise after out first encounter, and then would promptly beat my ass in a knife fight.

After training, it would be time to meet Sam for lunch, chat about our personal lives (which were rarely separated from our work), as well as current issues in the Avengers, and the world.

Bucky always stayed close by when we were out and about, glancing over to make sure I was okay. I would signal back that it was okay, smiling as a way of thanks when I noticed him checking. The only time we went our separate ways for our "rehab plans" we called jokingly. He would go see his therapist while I went and saw mine. Then, he would meet Sam for a bit by himself, while I went back to our place and did paperwork. When he came home, we would decide on dinner and a movie, but would probably stay up the whole night talking and leaving the movie with at least 20 minutes to go (on a good night).

One night, after I had "magically" ended up in bed, I woke up to Bucky shaking me, yelling my name.

"Y/N! Y/N, it's me, it's Bucky! Come on Y/N, wake up!"

I was drenched in sweat and my voice felt coarse and raw. My heart was beating at an impossible rate, as I shot up to hold on to him.

"Y/N, it's okay, you're okay," he said, trying to calm me down as he pushed my wet hair off of my face. I was gripping his arms, trying my best to ground myself. My eyes were bloodshot and wet, as tears and sweat mixed down my face. His blue eyes were frantically searching me, making sure that I was okay.

"It was them Bucky, they were here, they were gonna hurt you, I couldn't move, they said the, they said the words Bucky, jesus I was gonna lose you Buck, I couldn't, I can't..." I trailed off, starting to hyperventilate as I buried my face in his chest, allowing him to pull me closer.

He held me against him, shushing me as he ran his hand through the back of my hair. His chin rested atop my head as I regained control of my breathing. As my heart rate lowered and the sound of blood rushing through my ears subsided, I heard him say softly:

"I could never leave you Y/N, I can't...you mean to much to me..."

I didn't know if he realized I heard him, but it made me relax into him a little more. We didn't move for I don't know how long, just holding each other, breathing in sync. I could feel myself start to get sleepy, and began to slump more and more into him. He could feel the wait of me on his chest, and softly laid me back into the bed. When I was settled in, he started to scoot backwards towards the edge of the bed, before I grabbed his arm.

"Stay. Please. Stay," I barely whispered.

He looked down at me, tucked under the covers in an oversized t-shirt with my hair a crazy mess around my face. My eyes were glassy and red from crying, but my grip on his arm was sure.

"Please Buck."

I pulled back the covers next to me, signaling the invitation that I meant it.

He was only in a T-Shirt and boxers in himself, but nevertheless, he climbed in anyways. As he slid down, I pulled myself into him, hugging his torso as the scent of his fabric softener filled my nose.

He wrapped his arm under my head and around me, the other to my back, sheltering me from my nightmares as I drifted back to sleep. When I woke up, my head was resting on top of his chest, his hand still in my hair. I could count his steady heartbeats over time, our breathing once more in time together. I glanced up to see his stubbly face, in a serene sleep. I had heard him up late at night, wandering in the living room. I am sure he had nightmares like me, but I was the unlucky one to have the first terror while we were roommates.

I couldn't help but realize that he put a shirt on.

He never wore a shirt to sleep.

I knew this because I had woken up a time or two to go to the bathroom, and he would be there, on the floor, practically shining as the moonlight radiated off of his skin. It was almost impressive.

So he put a shirt on when he came in to help me last night. I guess it is respectful of him. I mean, everything about last night, or at least what I could remember, made me feel safer than I had in a very long time. Bucky always made me feel safe, but now, lying on his chest, it was deeper than two former soldiers-it was intimate.

I couldn't stop myself, I inched slightly up, lifting my head to his face, practically nose to nose. I could feel him exhale as the air left his nose and tickled my face. I leaned down, just off to the right side of his mouth and softly kissed him. I couldn't kiss him on the lips, but I needed to put it out there, even if he was asleep. I laid back down next to him, facing the ceiling as I felt him softly stir next to me. I tried to discreetly roll away, my body turned away from him, screwing my eyes closed.

I could feel the bed shift underneath me as he awoke. I could feel him leaning over me, checking to see that I was "asleep". Then, I felt his lips on my forehead, pressing a gentle kiss to my temple.

"You can't get away with it that easily Y/N"

My eyes slowly opened, as if afraid I would see it was all a dream, and he wouldn't be there. Instead, he was looking down at me, his head cocked to the side with a crooked smile dancing on his lips. Concern was etched on my brow, though my mouth betrayed me in a half smile as I stared back at the blue eyed soldier.

"I uh-I didn't, uh, mean to wake you Bucky, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," I stuttered out, worried that I might have made him feel pressured to return the favor.

I was surprised when his arm reached for my waist, pulling me from my side to my back as he rested his hands on either side of me. Trapped underneath him, my train of thought was so far off the rails, my ability to even speak was completely hijacked.

"Y/N, you have no idea how long I had been waiting for you to do something like that," he confessed. I quivered underneath him, my only response to his words. He was now hovering above my torso, propped up on his forearms as he continued to ramble.

"I never wanted to pressure or impose anything against you. I thought that you felt it too, and I wanted to be a gentleman, but with last night and you wanting me to stay, and now this morning..., I just wanted to make sure that I am reading the signals right an-"

He was cut off by my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him up to my face where our noses connected once more. His eyes were piercing, searching mine frantically before I closed them and pulled him down. Our lips attached to one another, fitting together softly, one on top of the other. His arm slid underneath my back and pressed me into him as my arm wrapped around his neck, my other hand holding his face. I could feel the metal against my waist, but it was warmer than usual, probably due to being under the covers all night. After years of torture and pain for the both of us, this kiss made terrors of that night worth it. It brought him and I together.

As we pulled away, our lips still stuck to the others until there was enough distance to truly focus our eyesight on the other. Pupils dilated, chests rising and falling against each other, our status shifted from roommates to something more in seconds. Maybe we were always something more and we hadn't realized it until now. But none of the what ifs mattered now. Now, there was a certainty that Bucky and I had a future together.

-------

A/N: This made me cry. A lot. The angst, the coping skills, the little sparks of chemistry. I just love writing about this man. He is everything a girl could ask for. I will start writing a part two tomorrow and I can promise you, it is about to be a lot cuter, a lot smuttier, and a lot more BUCKKKYYYY.

Taglist: @n3ssm0nique @arctic-duchess @bluemoon-icecream

[derekmorganscrocs]

Her Lipstick: Ace x Reader

Pairing: Ace (Nancy Drew CW) x Reader, Valentine’s Special.

Word Count: 1,725 (short but sweet.)

Summary: With everyone else having their nights planned out with romance and dates, Y/n and Ace get stuck manning the night shift at The Claw.

Notes: Ideally takes place after the aglacea is gone, and we’re finally having a quiet moment. But like SPOILER ALERT!!!! if Owen lived. ALSO A QUESTIONABLE ENDING BUT I LIKED IT NGL.

Ace’s Dad’s name is Tom by the way, this is key info for later.

“No one’s even gonna come in, George. It’s Valentines, and last I checked, crappy fried clams aren’t most people’s version of romance.” You glance her way from the kitchen, pausing with an alarmingly large knife in hand. The parsley in front of you isn’t going to chop itself, but your hands are starting to cramp.

“Yeah, well it’s business hours. Just humour me this once? I’ll owe you one.”

“George, you already owe me like nine.” You roll your eyes and look her way, attitude softening slightly at her expression. Knowing how she felt when the whole crew was a day away from death, about missing out on her and Nick... it puts a little graciousness in your heart. For their first Valentines together, why not just help her out? “I’ll do this one for free. Wait! Not for free! I’m still getting paid right?”

“Yes,” she laughs. “Thank you.” Nodding your way once more, she turns and heads out, closing the door behind her. You sigh, turning back to your cutting-board. Finishing with the stack of parsley and dumping it in a plastic container, you throw the knife in the sink. Surveying the restaurant quickly, as well as the parking lot, you ensure the coast is clear before heading to the freezer.

These days it seems like everyone’s got someone except you. Nancy and Owen, Nick and George, Bess and Lisbeth, hell, even the weirdo chef no one likes who only works fridays has a girlfriend. Not you though. You and Ace got stuck on the Valentine’s shifts no one else wanted because you were the only two available. Admittedly, Valentine’s wasn’t a big deal to you, you just thought the tacky decorations were kind of entertaining to have around. However, it kinda sucks when you’re single. And crushing. Speaking of crushes, you snap yourself out of your thoughts at the idea of a certain floppy haired boy.

“Ace?” You look around for your shift partner and best friend... and yes, crush, who for some reason isn’t in his usual happy place. Or anywhere to be seen. He doesn’t respond, so you look in the pantry, the dark corner by the lockers, and even the supply closet. He’s nowhere to be found. “Ace?”

“You looking for me?” Ace puts a hand on your shoulder, coming from behind you. Not gonna lie, it scares the crap out of you. And you whip around and punch him in the face. Then you realize it’s him and let out a small gasp.

“Ace! Oh my god, I’m so sorry-“ you lean down, taking his hand and helping him up, as he massages his jaw with his other hand. That’s embarrassing. Really embarrassing.

“My fault,” he mumbles. “Forgot you scare...” he pauses for a second, trying to find the word, “...punchily. Good hit though, really starting to get that impact value.”

“Thanks, I think. I’ll go get you some ice, can you just watch the dining room?”

Ace nods and you head to the freezer. Of course there’s no ice. Why would there ever be ice when you need it? You root through the options of ice packs for Ace’s eye, as you think to yourself.

Lately, you’ve been making yourself a fool in front of Ace. See, it wasn’t this bad a few weeks ago, when you liked him but didn’t know you liked him. You throw a box of clams (ew.) to the side. Now that you’ve realized, you’re a hot mess. Next you find a singular frozen fish (also ew.). He’s been acting a little off too, and you’re worried it’s because he knows. Now you’ve found a lobster that you’re pretty sure has been there since the place opened (ew x3). Oh look, some frozen bread (that won’t really work).

What you don’t know is that Ace has also just recently realized his feelings for you, and his dad, Tom, has just tricked him into bringing you over to their place later. You finally find a box of heart shaped popsicles, and take a couple of them back to the kitchen, where Ace stands, leaning against the counter.

“This is all we have. Valentine’s special, have some heart shaped chemicals for your black eye.” You hand him two of the three popsicles you’re holding. “I also brought you one to eat. If you’re crazy enough to.” You hop up on the counter beside him and sit cross legged, tearing open the third wrapper.

“If you are, I am.” He rips open one of the frozen treats and places the other below his eye. Looking down at the wrapper from the one he opened, he makes a face. “I can’t even read half of these things.”

“Hey, I could’ve brought you the lobster.”

He knows exactly what you’re talking about and backtracks his critiques of the popsicle. The two of you sit in silence for a few seconds, disturbed by the bell ringing. A woman walks in, which grabs both your and Ace’s attention, but she just pins a flyer to the bulletin board and leaves. Exciting crowd.

Soon enough, the snack popsicles are gone, and the ice pack popsicle is slush. Ace throws the melted package into the sink, the slush inside making a questionable ‘plop’ sound as it hits the metal. The two of you stand around a little longer, before packing up the perishables and putting them back in the freezer/pantry. Business is slow, and it’s boring. The two of you are back to waiting around, and Ace ends up laying across one side of a booth, you on the other. The two of you pass a rolled up napkin back and forth, tossing it over the table to the other person. It doesn’t keep you entertained for long, though.

“You bored?” You turn your head and look at him under the table.

“Yeah,” he chuckles.

“Same.” You sit up, getting a slight head rush as you do. Ace mirrors your actions, minus the head rush. The two of you stand, but before you can start wandering around aimlessly-

“You, uh, you have something on your face,” he chuckles softly, his goofy grin turning into a smaller smile, a certain softness appearing in his eyes. You reach for your cheek, trying to swipe whatever it is off your face. Seems like you miss, because Ace chuckles, before asking- “Can I?”

You nod, and he wipes your cheekbone with his thumb, his lips parting just a little bit as he lets out a small, nervous, chuckle. Suddenly your heart is beating about a thousand miles a minute, and as Ace’s eyes settle on your lips for a second, you look at his face, taking in every detail that you can.

The bell rings and the door opens, making you and Ace launch away from each other. A strong gust of wind blows in, and no one walks in, making you sigh. The wind literally blew open the door. Horseshoe Bay is dead quiet tonight. No customers. You close the door, and realize it’s nine pm, so you flip the sign to closed and lock the door.

“Hey, Y/n, you wanna come to my place? My dad told me he’s making food for three tonight.” Ace watches as you make your way to where he stands by the kitchen.

“That his way of inviting me over?”

“Guess so,” Ace quips with a smirk, throwing an arm around your shoulders as the two of you walk to the locker room. After double checking that the freezer is sealed, you lock up The Claw and head to Ace’s place, hitching a ride in Florence, of course.

When you get to Ace’s place, the smell of cherry pie wafts straight into your face as soon as you open the door. Ace’s dad stands by the coffee table in the living room, and his face lights up when you walk in. You sign a quick hello, Ace doing the same behind you. Ace also throws in a cautionary ‘don’t embarrass me’ but that goes unnoticed by you, you’re too busy checking out the coffee table. There’s all sorts of food that you love, especially compliments of Chef Tom.

You flop onto the couch, snatching a fresh baked dinner roll off the table. Ace flips on the tv, sitting down beside you, and Tom heads back to the kitchen to clean up. Looking around, you notice some of the sweet little Valentine’s decorations around the house. There’s a few plastic hearts hanging around the rooms, and some red streamer thingys. They bring a smile to your face, despite being a little corny.

“Dad knows you like the tacky decorations. No matter how much you say you hate them.”

“Your dad is so sweet. I always feel like part of the family when I’m here,” you say softly, pure joy radiating off your face.

“Okay, I gotta be honest for a second,” Ace blurts out sharply, seemingly out of nowhere. Your heartbeat speeds up a little as anxiety bubbles in your chest, and you nod quickly. “It’s because he wants you to be part of the family.”

“What?” Your eyes widen as you look at Ace. “Sorry, that makes no sense.”

“You really are blind. Nancy told me you couldn’t take hints but I didn’t think she-“

“Ace!” You put a hand on his thigh, cutting him off. He pauses, getting back on topic.

“Well... you see. You’ve always gotten along great with everyone. Especially Dad, sometimes I’m convinced he’s your best friend. And I made the mistake of telling him that I have feelings for you, so now he’s like extra nice. Because he wants me to be happy.”

“Oh wow,” you laugh, suddenly a lot more relaxed.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid, and-“

You cut him off by grabbing his shirt and pulling him towards you. You kiss him, and he obviously kisses back, his hands settling against your face as he pushes himself closer to you.

“I like you too. Thought it was obvious,” you breathe against his lips. He lets out small chuckle.

“Not really,” he whispers, and then kisses you again.

Now your arms are over his shoulders, and you’re basically on his lap as the kiss heats up a little. Tom is forgotten until the sound of footsteps behind you causes the two of you break away again. You turn to see Ace’s dad come over and put a plate on the table.

You sign a ‘thank you, Tom.’ his way, and he smiles widely back at you. He glances over at his son beside you, and his eyes widen slightly. Glancing back and forth a few times, he lets out a delighted chuckle when he makes the connection.

“You two? Finally,” He signs quickly.

“What?” Ace tries to play it off, but fails miserably. He’s not the best actor. About thirty seconds of your and Tom’s laughter and Ace’s denial go by before Ace folds. “What gave it away?”

“You’re wearing her lipstick.”

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