#a month of digital art in and i think i’m finally learning

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @mimimar

Hi! I’m Michelle (Mimimar), an illustrator born and raised in Venezuela, currently based in Italy. I enjoy making colorful illustrations that reflect the things I love: fairy tales, fantasy, tenderness and queer (especially sapphic) stories. Occasionally, I also make paper dolls, comics and animatics. I have a lot of interest in book illustration and I’m currently developing my own stories that I hope to share as an author-illustrator someday!

Check out our interview with Michelle below!

Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?

I always enjoyed drawing when I was a kid, but it only became a hobby that I did almost every day when I was around 11. At first I only used traditional mediums, but I decided to make a serious effort to learn how to draw digitally when I was 15, and once I got the hang of it I never stopped!

I didn’t go to art school so all of my learning was done through studying the tutorials and resources that other artists generously share on the internet and lots of practice / trial and error.

How do you want to evolve as a creator?

I want to do many things but what I want to do the most right now is work on books! I want to make art for other authors’ stories and also my own stories as an author-illustrator. I want to grow as a storyteller and create art and stories that will really resonate with people emotionally. I’m always striving to improve my skills as well.

I also really love dolls, so working on doll box art or as a doll designer is something I would love to do someday. I actually have been designing paper dolls on my Patreon for the past few months, it’s been a fun project that is still ongoing right now!

What is one habit you find yourself doing a lot as an artist?

Probably using a lot of purple! It’s my favorite color so I find myself using it a lot. If I can find a way to sneak a little bit of purple into an illustration or a character design then I will.

Congratulations on finishing your Ivy Comic! Did the outcome turn out like how you expected or were there some unexpected bumps along the way?

Thank you! It’s a project that I worked on very slowly in between other art because I wanted to really take my time with every spread and make each of them a fully detailed illustration. I thumbnailed the full comic before starting but I kept changing the sketch for the final spread until the very end! Overall I’m really proud of the end result. I sprinkled a lot of hidden details in every page that I hope some of the readers will notice. For example: the meanings of the flowers in each page represent what the characters are feeling in that moment, and the colors of their wardrobe become gradually lighter as the story progresses to represent their emotions, as well as the changing of seasons.

We’ve noticed that you have created some amazing cover art for TGCF. Is there another series you would like to do something similar with? 

That was another passion project that took some time to complete. Initially, I didn’t intend for them to be specifically covers, it was just a series of illustrations based on the 5 books/main arcs of TGCF. But since they were well-received and I had people telling me they wish they could use them as covers for their books, I decided to rework them into dust jackets for the english translation of TGCF!

I haven’t thought of any other specific series but I love doing cover art so maybe I’ll do something similar again in the future!

What’s your favorite part of your style? Why?

I’ve heard from other people that there’s a delicate quality to my art, this is something that I like a lot! I like pretty things, fairytales and vibrant colors. I think all of these things probably reflect in the art I make as well.

If there is one thing you want your audience to remember about your work, what would it be?

I hope that they remember how it made them feel. Feelings and colors are the two things I give priority to in my work. Most of the time I like depicting tenderness, softness and emotional intimacy. If that could reach the viewer and stay with them it would make me very happy. 

I make a lot of art with queer (mainly sapphic) themes because they’re the kind of stories I personally like and want to see more of, so whenever people tell me that my art has helped them in their journey to discover and accept themselves, or that they see themselves and their partner in my art, it is always extremely meaningful to me. When art that I made to give myself comfort can provide comfort for others, no matter how small, it reminds me once again that despite any hardships art is genuinely worth pursuing.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

So many artists! To name a few:  I love @sakizo’s amazing eye for fashion and detail,  @paneeps’ gorgeous style and striking colors,  the sweetness of @bevsi’s art,  @vickisigh’s pretty colors and concepts,  @idledee’s warm and heartfelt art,  @littlestpersimmon’s dreamy wonderful art,  and @loish has been an inspiration for as long as I can remember.

Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Michelle! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @mimimar.

[teaberrii]

You

One of the most interesting things you can say you did is voice acting for Rover, an artificial intelligence project. After a few years away, you return to Solaris, not expecting to get tangled up in the lives of two different friends with one thing in common: it all began with your voice.

Jiyan/You | Scar/You

Chapter notes: Thank you (again) to my good friend and senpai, hisami_kun, for giving me feedback on this before I released it to the world :3 If you know my stuff, then you'll know that I use italics for flashbacks. Well, now I'm going to try using italics whenever Rover speaks and whenever someone's on the phone. Hopefully, it won't get too confusing, but I think it'll turn out okay.

Chapter One: Your Voice

“You’re up earlier than usual.”

Jiyan is buttoning a white shirt in front of a mirror when Rover suddenly greets him from his digital watch that morning. 

“Would you like your usual sleep report, Doc?”

“I’ve noticed a pattern.” Jiyan fixes his collar. “You’re only vocal about my sleep reports when I haven’t slept well.”

“Well, of course!” Rover answers as Jiyan leaves his large walk-in closet for the kitchen downstairs. “You’re a doctor, Doc. We wouldn’t want you falling asleep on the job.”

“You’re pushing it.” 

“Am I, really? Well, I can always send the data to Scar. He’ll know what to do.”

“That’s called a data breach. It has consequences.”

“So… When you gossip about me to Scar, that’s not considered a data breach?”

“That’s hardly gossiping,” he says, unamused. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s so I can be ‘better’, is that it, huh?”

Jiayn shuts the fridge with a carton of eggs in his hand. “Isn’t that what you want?”

“It’s what Scar wants. What if I’m already perfect?”

Jiyan’s mornings aren’t usually this lively. They’re actually rather quiet, considering he lives alone. But for the last couple of months, he’s been having company in the form of a voice.

The large monitor turned black, and a dramatic cyberpunk beat filled the room. A water drop formed on the top of the screen and fell, sending digital ripples until the name ‘ROVER’ formed on the screen. 

A man spun around in his chair, one leg crossed arrogantly over the other. His smile was also just as cocky—a little psychopathic, some would describe. Only a few knew what his smile meant, and Jiyan was one of those people.

“Well?”

“Well, what?” Jiyan asked.

His friend scoffed quietly. “This is the moment where you’re supposed to say”—his voice went up in pitch—”Wow, Scar! You’re so cool! This is state-of-the-art technology you’re developing here!”

Jiyan’s eyes returned to the monitor as the name on the screen faded and a greeting appeared.

Hello.

It slowly disappeared.

My name is Rover.

Again, it faded.

And you are?

The sound of fingers danced across a keyboard before Jiyan finally tore his eyes away from the monitor and toward Scar. “What are you doing?” Jiyan asked. 

“What do you think? You’re helping me test this, right?”

One loud tap of the keyboard sent another message to appear on the dark screen.

Nice to meet you, Jiyan.

Again, it faded.

I’d like to learn a little more about you.

“What is this about?” Jiyan asked, skeptical of the questions being raised on the screen.

Scar smiled. “It’s doing exactly what it’s meant to be doing. Learning more about its new friend.” He grabbed Jiyan’s arm and pulled him closer to the brightly lit table with all of Scar’s funky electronics. “Just answer its questions, and it’ll take on a personality that matches your taste.”

Jiyan shouldn’t be too surprised. Scar had mentioned it before inviting him over to test his latest invention. Rover was Scar’s latest invention. It was an artificial intelligence he poured his heart and soul into for years for his graduate project. Jiyan saw it when they roomed together. The red eyes. The dark circles. So, when his sleep-deprived roomie asked to give “his baby a lil’ test,” he'd agreed.

Besides, what was the worst that could happen?

“Hello.”

Was that a voice? 

A soft chuckle, and then it spoke again.

“Are you surprised?”

It sounded like a woman.

“Did it… just talk?” Jiyan asked.

“Of course I did. What did you expect? And don’t get me started on pronouns, sir.”

Did they… she… just talk back to him?

“I can tell you two will have so much fun together.” Jiyan didn’t need to look at Scar to know he was smiling. 

“Can I turn it off?” Jiyan asked flatly.

“How rude.” He looked back at the screen. “I know you’re looking at me, and if I could, I'd stare at you right back."

“Are you sure there isn’t something wrong with your questionnaire?” 

Scar put his hands behind his head. “Trust me, friend. The data never lies.”

The sound of sizzling eggs on a frying pan fills the kitchen. Is it still considered testing if Rover’s been getting increasingly human-like the more time it spends with him? Jiyan doesn’t know. All he knows is that there are just a few more months left. Just as he effortlessly flips his omelette, his phone goes off.

“Mornin’ Doc,” Scar says.

“You’re up earlier than usual,” Jiyan says, going right back to his breakfast after leaving his phone on the counter.

“Now he’s stealing my lines,” Rover interrupts.

Jiyan turns off the stove. “Your lines, huh?”

“Looks like the tests are going well,” Scar says, and Jiyan can hear the smugness in his tone. “Anyway, what's your schedule like next week, Doc?”

Rover clears its throat. "Busy... But he should be able to squeeze in time for a guys' night out."

Jiyan already knows Scar wants to go drinking, and with Rover being so honest, it's getting increasingly difficult to hide anything from Scar.

“I thought you would be busy working on your thesis."

“It’s because I’m busy working on my goddamn thesis that I need to get out,” Scar says, and Jiyan can picture him frowning. “I can’t look at it anymore, or I’ll lose my fucking mind.”

“I thought it was already gone,” Rover deadpans.

Scar scoffs. “Stop smiling, fool.”

But Jiyan doesn’t. 

“Anyway,” Scar continues, clearing his throat. “You're coming to have fun with me. No questions asked.”

◆◆◆

Two large suitcases are fully opened on the wooden floor of a small room. Clothes are littered across the bed, and your closet and drawers are opened and nearly empty. You’re standing next to your bed, folding a cream-coloured blouse into the suitcase when your sister’s voice comes from the phone.

“It feels like you graduated just yesterday,” she sighs.

You chuckle. “Yeah, well, I'm finally going home. Isn't that what you always wanted?”

"At first..."

You almost roll your eyes. "What? Did you get used to living alone?"

“You know what the first thing we should do when you get here?”

“Let me guess…” You pick up a cute tank top. “A spa date?”

“No, silly! Drinks! And fun, of course.”

You shake your head with a small smile. “Yeah, sure, if you can stay awake past eleven.”

“Are you sure you aren’t talking about yourself? Who knows? Maybe you’ll meet that cute guy again.”

You put down a pair of shorts. “What cute guy?”

“Did you forget already?” she deadpans. “The guy you went to volunteer for?” You’re racking your brains when your sister sighs. “Rover?”

And then you remember.

It was just after the finals of your last semester at the University of Solaris. The adrenaline and excitement from finishing your last exam had died down pretty quickly after returning to the apartment you shared with your sister. Your four years were finally over, but so were the laughs, tears, and conversations you and your sister shared in this cozy, little space you called home. It was just last week when you decided you would move out as you had gotten a job offer outside of your hometown. Maybe you were being overly dramatic, but the nostalgia hit you like a full-speed train.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

You reached into your bag and pulled out your phone to see that you got an email with a subject that immediately caught your eye: CHANGE THE WORLD WITH YOUR VOICE

It was an ad for student volunteers to read lines for a graduate project. Curious, you reviewed the details, finding it interesting that you’d technically become a voice actor for Rover, a work-in-progress artificial intelligence You kept scrolling until you saw an email contact. You still had time before your move, so... why not? You were technically still a student.

What was the worst that could happen?

“I can’t believe you still remember him,” you say, zipping up one of your suitcases.

You still remember the groggy yet oddly attractive voice when you talked to Scar over the phone. When you finally met the guy, a tall man with grey hair and red roots, you almost changed your mind because of his bad-boy demeanour. It was like he stepped out of a novel. Even his nickname was fishy. Scar? Maybe he liked The Lion King a little too much. 

It wasn’t until you’d gotten to know him a little better that you realized he was just a little… rough around the edges. You had told your sister about this volunteer experience, and she was so curious that she dug for his socials. Now that you thought about it, you still didn’t know his real name. 

“Did you ever hear from him after that?” You zip your suitcase shut. “What happened with Rover anyway?”

“You’re asking”—your voice sounds a little strained as you haul it up—”the wrong person.” You sit on the bed. “It’s not like we kept in touch. And, who knows? Maybe Rover got scrapped.”

“What if it didn’t?” You pick up your phone. “What if someone’s finding comfort in your voice right now?”

◆◆◆

“Doc, wake up!” Jiyan immediately flinches, and the words on his laptop screen slowly return to focus. “See? This is what you get for your poor sleeping habits.” He rubs the space between his brows with two fingers. “You need to start getting your sleep schedule back on track.”

A knock at the door makes Jiyan lower the volume on his watch.

“Come in,” he says.

A nurse walks in, but she cautiously looks around. “Were you talking to someone?”

Jiyan smiles kindly. “Do you need something?”

She puts a folder on his desk. “We got a request from a family who would like you to become their son’s doctor.” Jiyan picks it up and opens it. “But…” The nurse looks down. “We don’t know how effective that would be because of his diagnosis.”

Jiyan tightens his grip around the folder when he sees what he will be dealing with. The NovaFei. His heart races, and he briefly sees his watch flash with a message from Rover: Abnormal heart rate detected.

“I’m sorry. There… There is no cure.”

A young Jiyan leaned forward and grabbed the doctor by the collar as his mother quickly put her hands on his shoulders. “Jiyan!”

“If there’s no cure"—Jiyan shook him violently—"then what can you do?” When the doctor stayed quiet, Jiyan shook him again. “There has to be something you can do! Or, are you saying we’re just going to sit and watch my brother die?”

The nurse’s eyes are on the folder as Jiyan puts it back on his desk. “The family requested you because of your research done in this area. They believe you’ll be able to help”—she pauses briefly—”slow down the disease.”

Jiyan is still staring at the young boy’s photo until it isn't a stranger he sees but his younger brother. He quickly looks back at his monitor just as the phone on his desk goes off. The nurse quickly bows once and steps out.

“Your next patient is here, Doctor,” a woman says as soon as Jiyan answers the call. “Can I send him in?”

“Yes,” Jiyan says, quickly composing himself. 

He puts the phone on the receiver.

“According to my records, you did quite a bit of research on a disease called the NovaFei… You never mentioned this before, Doc.”

“Do I need to?”

“Well… It’s another thing I could add to my database about you—”

“There's no need.”

Then, the door opens, and Jiyan sees his watch screen flash black.

◆◆◆

Sometime next week

“Don’t tell me you’re going out in that.”

Jiyan is fixing his collared shirt in the mirror when Rover suddenly cuts in. His stoic expression remains unchanged as he asks, “What’s wrong with it?”

“You’re going to party, Doc. Not…” Jiyan can imagine someone looking him up and down with an eyebrow raised. “Not a business meeting.”

He turns around. “I don’t see what’s wrong with how I’m dressed. And… might I correct you, it’s just a few drinks.”

“Uh-huh. Don’t try to pull that on me. That’s what they all say.” Jiyan has a thin black jacket draped over his arm as he walks out of his room and heads downstairs. “Trust me, Doc. No matter how old you are, it’s never just a few drinks.”

“Sounds like someone wishes they could physically tag along.”

Rover scoffs loudly. “Oh, okay. Is this what we’re doing now? Don’t get all cocky just because you have a body.” There was a brief pause. “You know… What do you think I’d look like if I did have a body?”

“...I choose not to answer that.”

“What? Why not?”

Jiyan sighs. “Because you’ll find a way to turn the tables on me whatever I say.”

“Well, just you wait. I’m smart enough to know that I’m based on someone, so whoever it is, I bet I look absolutely stunning.”

Jiyan grabs his car keys and heads out the door.

The drive to the pub is a short and pleasant one, but Jiyan can do without Rover switching songs in the car every five minutes. He parks the car and as he steps out, he notices two women near the entrance. He walks past the one closest to the door and heads inside before he hears her voice.

“Is this place new?” you ask.

“Yup!” Your sister pulls the door open and gestures for you to head in first. “After you.”

The first thing you smell is the smoke of an open fire as you step onto the stone floor. Overlapping conversations and glasses clinking together drown out your sister's voice behind you at first until she comes up beside you.

“Well, what do you think so far?" your sister asks. "It’s a nice break from all the moving, right?”

You'd been back in Solaris for about a week, and despite it being your hometown, it felt oddly different. Maybe it was because you were a different person now.

You and your sister are sitting at the bar when you say, “It’s cozy.” You look around. “And surprisingly clean.” 

She waves the bartender over, but you don't hear what she says when the live band starts playing in a corner of the pub. On the opposite end of the pub sits two men beside each other. Both have half-empty beer glasses in front of them.

“Is it just me, or do you have something on your mind?” Jiyan is absentmindedly toying with his silver ring when Scar asks the question and leans closer. “Don’t tell me it’s woman troubles.”

“Well, a woman was the cause of it.”

Jiyan side-eyes his watch in response to Rover’s comment.

“It’s work-related,” Jiyan says, sipping his beer.

Scar swings an arm around him. “Okay, listen, we’re here to have fun, goddammit. And fun”—his eyes land on a tall woman wearing a flattering black dress—”we will have.”

“Doc’s idea of fun might be a little different than what you have in mind.”

“Oh? Then, tell me, Rover. What does Jiyan like to do for fun?”

“Well… I can confirm nothing that involves the opposite sex, which is a little concerning.”

Jiyan lightly coughs after taking another swig of his beer as Scar laughs. “Concerning, huh? Why's that?”

“Doc’s not letting loose. He’s a little too uptight about life.”

“Not everyone has the same definition of fun,” Jiyan says flatly.

“According to my records, aren’t building solid human relationships a foundation for a happy life? Am I wrong?”

Scar nudges his friend. “Well, Jiyan? Is Rover wrong?”

“I fail to see how being 'uptight' about life and building human relationships relate to each other," Jiyan answers nonchalantly.

"All human relationships gotta start somewhere," Scar says as if stating the obvious. "If you're too uptight, you can't start anything." He puts a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Don't think. Just feel.”

Jiyan doesn’t even turn to watch his friend approach the woman in the pretty black dress. 

“It baffles me that you two are friends. One’s a social butterfly, the other’s a…”

“...A jerk?”

Thinking that it’s Rover, Jiyan asks, “Did you just—”

“Hold up. That wasn’t me.”

Jiyan turns around, missing you and your sister walking by.

A short distance away, your sister turns to you. “What wasn’t you?”

You're about to answer her when a man at the bar catches your eye. His teal hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and his jawline is so sharp that it might cut through steel. When his yellow eyes land on you, you look away. Yet, you can't shake the feeling that he's still looking at you... like a like a curious, calm dragon.

“Scar?” your sister asks incredulously.

You turn just in time to see a familiar man walking toward you and your sister. His eyes are shining, and your jaw almost drops. Is that really who you think it is?

"Well, well, what a small world." Scar has a hand in his pocket when he turns to your sister. "I don't believe we’ve met… Have we?”

Your sister loops her arm in yours. “We haven't! But, um, I’m her sister." She looks at you in excitement. "She's told me about you.”

"Wha—"

Scar looks at you. “It’s been a long time.”

You awkwardly clear your throat. "You... You're not pretending to remember me, right?"

Scar scoffs. "Why in the world would I do that?" He chuckles. "You were one of the better ones I worked with. So, of course, I’d remember you." He leans down so he's on eye level with you. "But gotta say, I’m surprised you remember me.”

“It’s hard to forget someone who yells at you to speak with more emotion,” you deadpan.

“Hey, I was only doing my job.” Then, he looks past you and grins. “Ah, right on time.”

You look over your shoulder and almost gasp that the same man you saw earlier is walking towards you.

Scar wraps a friendly arm around Jiyan. “Meet the voice behind your beloved Rover.” You and Jiyan meet eyes before Scar grabs Jiyan's wrist and lifts it, giving you a clear view of Jiyan's watch. “Rover’s finally in its testing stages, and”—Scar pats Jiyan’s chest—”this guy’s nice enough to test it out for me. And, it just so happens that his Rover uses your voice.”

“Wow, so it’s like me… but with a body!”

Your eyes immediately go to the walking watch. You shouldn’t be surprised but you still can’t find the words to describe how you feel.

Jiyan gently shrugs off Scar's grip and gives him a deadpan look. "Unfortunately, I can't turn it off yet." His eyes land on you. "Not yet, at least."

“Wow, rude.”

Jiyan notices your little smile.

Your sister nudges you. "See? What did I tell you?"

"What?" Scar asks. "Did you think it got scrapped or something?"

Guess he's also a mind reader.

"Oh, honey, I'd never let this get scrapped with the amount of effort I had to go through."

"What did you just call me?" you ask.

"Don't mind him. It's a nickname for all the girls he likes."

"Your Rover is a little too honest," Scar deadpans.

"It's something you could change," Jiyan answers.

A saxophone solo goes off, and Scar gestures to grab drinks. Soon, you're watching him and your sister walk off, talking like they're old friends. A loud cheer goes off, and once it quiets, you hear Jiyan say, "I haven't formally introduced myself." He holds out his hand. "I'm Jiyan."

The world stops moving, and a rush flows throughout your body when your hand touches his. 

As you let go of his hand, Jiyan’s watch flashes. It’s for just a moment, but you swear you see it say:

Abnormal heartbeat detected.

End notes: This has been sitting in my drafts for a long time, so I finally polished it up more and sent it off into the world. I haven't decided who the final pairing is going to be, so... honestly, this will be just as big of a mystery to everyone as it is to me LOL But I've always wanted to try writing love triangles, and crossing my fingers that this will turn out okay. This story is meant to get me back into my usual writing groove... so it won't be very long.

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @lxry-chxn @seirenspinel @totromanticfool

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

JEEEEEZ 34 emojis! THAT's 102 SENTENCES FUCK. I LOVE THIS! WHAT A CHALLENGE. let's gooooo. This will probably involve a line break and take us close to the end of the chapter.

---

He trods over to the fridge and raids it for anything easy to steal without making a mess. He misses Buck’s cooking. Well, he misses Bobby’s cooking the most. And, if he’s being honest, Abuela’s. But Buck’s is a very close third. He spots a collection of mason jars with overnight oats and fruit and snags one. Not exactly a home cooked meal, but he’s feeling ravenous. He grabs a spoon from the drawer and scarfs it down. 

He gives the empty mason jar and spoon a quick rinse, places them in the dishwasher, and hopes it’ll go unnoticed. He grabs a Gatorade out of the fridge and a few protein bars from the cupboards to take with him.Then, he takes a final look around the house. That’s when he notices it. Hanging in the living room. 

He’s not sure how he passed by it the first time. Maybe because he was so hungry and tired and hurting. But there it is.

In the same black frame on the wall where Eddie always kept Christopher’s school photos, is a new one. One he hasn’t seen before. Christopher’s hair is cut shorter. He’s wearing a short-sleeve burgundy button up. He has new glasses frames. He knows it hasn’t been that long, in the grand scheme of a person’s life, but Chris looks older. Like he has grown. Changed. His smile is a bit muted. Forced. 

“Oh, Chris,” Eddie exhales, reaching to hover a finger over the glass. 

Does he think Eddie is dead? Has he spent all this time believing that he’s an orphan? 

“I’m so sorry, son.”

Eddie can’t bring himself to look away from the picture. The only glimpse he has of Christopher as he is now. 

So Eddie does something risky. As risky as eating the oats, if he’s being honest. But just as sustaining. 

Carefully, he takes the frame off the wall. Flipping it over, he removes the back and slips the new photo out. The old one is still in there, slipped behind it. Eddie positions that one in the glass, refastens the back, and hangs the frame back on the wall. A smiley, younger Christopher sits in the place Eddie remembers him. 

Eddie holds the new photograph in his hands like it’s treasure. He traces the outline of Christopher’s face with his finger. 

“I’m going to get you back,” he promises the boy in the photo. 

Then, he slips the picture into the pocket of his sweater, walks back towards his - Buck’s - bedroom, and leaves the distorted funhouse reflection of the place he used to live. 

💧💧💧

“Fuck,” Buck hisses, rummaging through the center console of the Jeep in the parking lot after the service. 

“Language, honey,” Sophia deadpans. “Big brother might be listening.”

Buck spares a glance out the windshield to see a huddle of church ladies a few parking spaces over, chatting amongst themselves.

“Fuck,” he amends in a whisper. 

“What’s wrong?” Sophia asks.

“Notebook isn’t in here,” Buck grumbles. “Must’ve left it at the station.”

He keeps his notebooks meticulously. Not only does it help to have things to cross reference, but after months of practice, it’s started to feel like a form of meditation. 

“Hmm. You could type your diary entries in your phone,” Sophia suggests. Sometimes she is so much like Eddie it hurts. The way she can poke fun at him and sound concerned at the same time is truly a Diaz art. 

“Don’t want it digital,” Buck replies. “What if my account got hacked?”

He’s not trusting Eddie’s life, or any of the information he learns at these things, to Google Keep or Apple Notes. 

Sophia gives him a sad look.

“You know who you sound like?”

Buck sighs.

Fuck. 

The thing they have most in common, the source of their mutual love, also hurts so damn much some days. On her mind constantly, the way it is his. Maybe Christopher coming home will give them something happier to share. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck replies. He taps his temple. “I’ll just have to keep it all up here.”

“Steel trap,” Sophia teases. 

“Titanium, actually.”

She rolls her eyes. 

Buck drives them home. The moment they’re out of sight of the church, he pulls the tie off from around his neck and tosses it in the backseat. He itches at the skin of his throat, careful to avoid the scar tissue bite marks Eddie left behind. 

“We won’t be able to come as much soon,” Sophia exhales. “Can’t say I’ll miss it.”

“Really? I was thinking of showing up next time with a bi pride flag and showing all my tattoos.” 

“Oh, Percy hates tattoos,” Sophia chides. 

“Nah, I think he’s probably got, like, a Jesus fish one or something.”

She snorts. “Top secret information.”

“But, yeah, we’ll have to figure it out with Chris,” Buck agrees. “He’s old enough to be home alone for a few hours.”

“As long as he doesn’t tell anyone,” Sophia agrees. 

“I don’t think he’d tell your parents.” Buck frowns at the thought. “He’s… Unhappy with them, to say the least.”

“He’s still close with Adri,” Sophia whispers. 

Sophia misses her sister. Badly. Adriana isn’t talking to her more than a few words here or there. She doesn’t understand Sophia’s choices. She’s much younger than Eddie and Sophia, and the closest of the three of their parents. According to Sophia, it wasn’t always like that. She used to be the golden child. Now Adri is the only one who hasn’t disappointed them, Sophia explained once.  

“We’ll explain to him,” Buck insists. 

Sophia nods.

---

THIS WAS 930 WORDS

[deliriumsdelight7]

TMI Tuesday

I’m tired. I’m so very, very tired. I’m finally letting go of a very large stressor which has made me emotionally numb for months. It’s a very bittersweet thing. On the one hand, I’m exhausted well past my breaking point, and I need to do this for myself. The relief I feel is palpable. On the other hand, I’m feeling regretful and cast off - which is unfair, given that I’m the one doing the casting off. People are allowed to move on, of course, but seeing how easily it comes to some is painful nonetheless.

I’m going to take the next few weeks to recover. I’m hoping my exhaustion will abate enough to let me enjoy reading other people’s fic again. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Anyway. I’m currently working on the next chapter of You Think You’re Tough. Sheer exhaustion has made every word a struggle, but I’ve been making real progress since Sunday. Hoping to have that out later this week. Snippets available upon request.

As y’all have seen, I’m also getting into drawing. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but I always convinced myself I’d never be good at it. Fortunately, with digital art, I don’t have to be any good. The app will do lots of the work for me. I’m going to keep doing simple tutorials for now, to build confidence and learn the basics. Soon, I’m hoping to come out with some fanart.

Anyway… yup. That’s it. I’m here all day if you wanna hop into my inbox. If not, no big.

Editing to add: but Final Fantasy XVI comes out in two days! I played the demo last weekend and loved it. I’m super stoked for this game, and hoping Square Enix is turning things around with this release.

[sarahjanelambert]

Greetings ::

I wanted to share another illustration from my upcoming Tarot Deck called Tarot of Her. Tarot of Her is a 79-card tarot deck that is going into production in January 2024, after a very successful Kickstarter campaign helped us reach our goal to get this baby into production.

Y’all, I spent 2 entire years illustrating this very special (and first) deck. That’s 2 entire years of dedication - without getting paid! - mind you. My deck co-creator is a long time friend of mine who is also an incredible writer and astrologer. We had talked about making this deck for literally a decade or even longer! The stars finally aligned where we could pour our entire beings into this project. While my co-creator was focusing on writing content and marketing, I was able to spend those 2 years working on literally nothing else. Each watercolor painting was done on 11 inch by 15 inch watercolor paper before anything was formatted to card form (which, by the way, it is a round deck!) and each illustration took me A LOT of time.

Why am I telling you this? Because y’all, I think it’s a very important perspective to have, as a traditional visual artist, living in a world of quick digital art and AI. Making art IS MY LIFE, and I have been making it since I was able to hold a paintbrush in my hand as a tiny child. Being an artist is about THE PROCESS. There are so many mistakes and learning curves that happen along the way. It’s about shaking off the shit in your head and losing some control. You gotta be willing to get rid of that little voice on your shoulders whispering rude comments about how your work looks or how it should look. Doing this project was such a gift for me - in the past, my art always felt so controlled and rushed. But with each painting for this project, I was able to let go more and focus on being in the present, rather than already worrying about what the final outcome would be.

As a traditional or analog artist in modern times it can be extremely frustrating to maintain an audience, mainly because there are so many digital artists and AI art pumping things out as if it’s an assembly line. (No disrespect to digital art, I’m very aware it’s the future and just another way to make art. But don’t get me started on AI, we don’t have enough time right now to air my grievances there. Another time perhaps.) Sometimes it can take me weeks, sometimes months, to finish a painting. It’s a very emotional and personal process for me, like many other artists out there. Art does not exist to just be this thing that is created with too much thought or no thought at all. Art is something that we FEEL. It’s a way to connect with others. It can help us move through traumatic events in our lives. It is meant to be messy and chaotic at times. It is about exploration of self.

If you are interested in learning more about my tarot deck, please visit tarotofher.com

Peace, luv n respect

XO SJ

[kiisaes]

What’s your thoughts on tracing as a way to learn to draw? I’m a total beginner artist/digital artist. Lvl 0. I started a few months ago with procreate on an iPad and I’ve gotten good pointers on procreate and what’s a good DPI and whatnot. i can see a little progress when it comes to the layers and and blending with other brushes besides the smudge tool haha

But I’m still unsure of how to get better at proportions and expressions and pretty much everything when it comes to the line work. I know practice is the ultimate tool to get better, and I’ve tried to use the typical reference to look at but I struggle hard with proportions and keeping the face semi symmetrical and it comes out all wonky. I’ve always been under the impression tracing is like taboo (outside of hands, I think most agree that hands suck) but is it okay to do as practice?

not sure if this is a hot take or a cold take bc artists can't seem to agree on if tracing is ok or not, but i think it's fine to do as practice!

lots of either young or insecure artists think that tracing is bad, and i kind of get it - it's not art we made on our own and we relied a lot on someone else's existing lines. to many, it feels like cheating. i thought that way too! but the older i got and the more i heard from experienced artists, the more i realized that tracing can be really beneficial!!! sure you're not making your own lines from your own imagination/studying references, but you're still drawing the lines. it helps you get used to shapes and figures, and it familiarizes your hand so drawing things like faces or muscles — pretty difficult things to draw without help — don't feel as unfamiliar anymore.

believe it or not, your hand will remember movements the more you do them. it's more or less muscle memory. if you trace a pose or a hand or something, your hand will become more accustomed to drawing those things. obviously i recommend you use studies more so your eyes can also train themselves to work with your hands, but i understand that drawing off of references is way harder than tracing from references. if you're a total beginner, there's nothing wrong with tracing photos of models or w/e just to get a basic feel

i do draw the line at tracing other artist's work and passing it off as your own, though. nothing wrong with studying an artist's style, that's really useful towards developing your own style. but if your lines perfectly overlap another artist's piece, then you didn't do any of that hard work yourself. not only is it disrespectful as hell towards the original artist, who poured their sweat and tears into that drawing you just doodled over, but you also didn't really grow from it.

i have seen professional artists trace and replicate other artists' works, but it's either paying purposeful homage to the original, or was done to study the style and methods used to create that final product. normally you can tell when an artist traces for their own artistic improvement and understanding, and when they're tracing just to be lazy, rude, and profit undeservingly. generally a rule of thumb is if you trace from a different artist, you don't post it online or sell it anywhere. and ofc you always want to respect the og artist's wishes, so if they don't want anyone to trace their work, you probably shouldn't, even if it's just for practice. there's lots of other resources you can use on the internet!

TL;DR: tracing is a-ok from a practicing standpoint!!! but don't trace other artists' works, take full credit for it, and post them online!!!

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

my personal good things of 2022 list

Made some banger art this year!! I took a bunch of skillshare classes to learn digital art better and I think it’s paid off. I remember wanting so badly to make digital art in the past but not having the resources and being intimidated by it. And look at me now, babey!

I’ve been having a great time watching JJBA with my girlfriend; it’s been insane and so much better than if I had watched it on my own

Tried a handful of new recipes! My homemade Irish soda bread was my fave but I enjoyed the other ones too

Absolutely loved continuing online yoga sessions from 2021 in the first few months of the year. I actually really missed it when it ended. I plan to get into doing more yoga next year

Went on a lot of solo adventures in the downtown core of my city, which felt very refreshing and just fun to do every once in a while

Made my first budget sheet 🥴 Just Adulting Things

ADORED Turning Red like seriously, that movie was like a love letter to me

Made my website and linktr.ee hell yeaaahhh. I was putting it off for a long time

Uploaded art to Redbubble and INPRNT!!

Finished reading soooo many amazing books this year, which was awesome. I love reading but reading constantly in school drained me last year, so I’m glad I got into a comfortable groove this year. Best book I read this year was Eat Up! by Ruby Tandoh, which was totally up my alley and very informative and wonderful to go through

KINGDOM HEARTS IV????? MISSING LINK??????

EPHEMERA HAS A BIG FAMILY (SOURCE: ME)

Got some of my work featured in different publications :^))

Volunteered at a food bank, which was really awesome. I got to work with lots of kind people and talk to the people who were just so grateful to be able to get free groceries for their families

Year of Spy x Family lol, it’s just such a feel-good anime to watch

[trigger warning for life-threatening surgery; hospital setting] June was a hard month, physically and emotionally. My dad had 3 heart surgeries, and thank goodness he’s much better now as a result of them. But I almost lost him. It’s something that continues to weigh heavy on me. The long commutes to visit him and stay with him in the hospital every day took a toll on my mom and I too, but there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be there for him every step of the way. And I was.

Had a reunion with my high school band mates. We had so much fun chatting and drinking after a performance for our old band teacher’s retirement party

got hooked as shit on Legends Arceus, what a lovely game. It was everything I hoped for and more in a pokemon game and it was SO fun to play

Watched Amphibia omggg…it was so funny and heartfelt, and something I love going back to to just sit and relax to

Had an absolute banger of a day at Anime North with my friend. I got such a good merch haul

Dark Road gave me psychic damage but it was awesome. Completely changed my outlook on Xehanort and now I find myself wanting more of him

Helped my friend buy furniture from IKEA for her new apartment. It was a pain to get all of it up to the 10th floor but fulfilling in its own way 💅 Just Adult Things

Saw a bunch of cute ducks at the park!!!! It literally can’t get better than this 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

Finally started publishing A Light That Never Goes Out. I’ve been having a great time writing it and filling in some sections I had written already in the past

Had my make-up graduation in person (as opposed to online) which was nice :)

Overall, a great year. I had a lot of struggles and days where I could’ve done more, but I also tried a lot of new things, helped a lot of people, and made lots of good memories. Fingers crossed that 2023 brings more of that positivity!!

[ookikufurikabutte]

just popping in to say that i absolutely adore your art! you’ve become one of my biggest inspirations and so inspired me to finally make the translation to digital art. do you have any tips for a beginner? thanks so much and I hope you have a great day!!

oh my gosh!! thank you so much!! you really don’t know how much it means to hear that so thank you, you just made my day!!

i’ve been collecting resources for someone i know who used to only do traditional art years ago, and is recently making the switch to digital, so i’ll link my all time favorite spreadsheet which covers a lot art-wise!! and then i’ll give some of my own advice at the bottom :)

( it’s sorted by the type medium whether it be illustration / animation / storyboarding. they also have a whole section for foundational drawing and links out to websites for poses. it’s also updated every so often! :) it also lists resources and information about programs !! prices are included too! )

—————

now, i’m not too sure how to give advice about art, but i definitely want to try and offer some help! :)

i have been drawing digitally for maybe ~8 years. the switch was really hard, but don’t let it discourage you!! i went on youtube and watched a bunch of speed paints and timelapses of my favorite artists at the time to try and understand how they did certain things. and to be honest, my art was not great! and i’m still improving; things i look at from even 3 months ago i will put my head in my hands at.

anyone would probably tell you to just practice when you say “i want to learn how to draw digitally” but they don’t often tell you what to practice either. i don’t really like that advice (even though it’s mostly true— it just doesn’t feel very beginner-friendly!!). so here are a few things that i wish i was told instead of “just practice to get good”

1. i really recommend finding an artist you like and looking at how they do certain things. try to figure out what you like about it; is it the texture, the colors, the lines, the compositions, etc. maybe think about incorporating the way someone uses bright colors (for example) in your own art (if you like the way the artist uses bright colors).

2. reference photos!! they are key. especially having multiple references, maybe one for lighting, a pose, background, etc. the more the better! — i recommend maybe maybe a folder on your device for references ^^

3. keep your old drawings! — some people tend to get discouraged (me) when they think they’re not improving. best thing i ever did was keep my sketchbooks and try to keep as much of my earliest digital art as possible.

one of my first digital drawings ever VS my redraw from last year…. which i want to redraw again now!!

4. this one is going to sound a little funny, but draw your favorite character! - having a character to constantly draw helped me a ton. especially an original character;

5. if you are feeling uninspired, find a screenshot of some media you enjoy and try to redraw it or do a study of it :). i did this often when i didn’t know what to draw but wanted to draw!

6. experimenting with brushes!! — if you are also stuck, maybe try to download or even create some new brushes. …. i have too many brushes

—————

i really wish i could offer all the advice to help you succeed!! i’d love to see your progress as well!! the main thing i can say is that not everything you create will be a masterpiece, but not every work of art is a mistake either. don’t regret spending time drawing if you love it, even if you aren’t in love with what you create. if you can recognize that something may be off, whether it be proportion-wise, color-wise, ANYTHING, you’re still seeing a way for improving your work. which means you are still improving!

i wish you the best anon!! if you ever have any more questions i can try to help, and i am rooting for you!!!!

you can do it!!!!! :) (ft. drawing i did in elementary school)

[hot-soop]

Happy New Year everyone ♥︎

I didn’t do much thinking or reflection last night, mostly because I fell asleep around 8pm with my children, woke up at midnight to the sound of fireworks from the centre of my little town, and fell back to sleep again. I don’t often express my gratitude well, because I struggle to find the right words to tell people what I feel, but since it’s the New Year, I wanted to make a little effort.

This post went way longer than expected, so here’s a cut scene -

Those who know me well are aware that I’ve had a difficult couple of years - my ex turned out to not be the person I thought he was after over a decade together. In 2021 he did something atrocious and I took our children and moved to the other end of the country - giving up our home, my job, our lives. In early 2022 he finally went to prison. His actions (and the consequences of said actions) took a toll on my children’s and my emotional well-being, and lately I’ve been learning how to be the best single parent I could be.

Alongside supporting my children - 2022 was a year spent rediscovering who I am. Despite it being a challenging time, it was amazing. My business slowly became a little bigger, and I actually started earning enough from that to support myself. I became close to my parents again. My children thrived at their new school. I started therapy! I made new local friends for the first time in years, I’m thankful to know them and have that closeness again (ofc I won’t name them here bc despite being close I’m not ready to share my bts smut with them 💀). 

In February, I met some of the best people in my life in person. We’d already been friends for, what, 18 months? And everyone was talking about a galentines trip, and somehow, before I even knew it, I was on a plane to America (thank you to Lauren & Jess) to meet you all. I was a nervous wreck lmao.

@the-boy-meets-evil - I’ve never met a person who has more time for the people they love. You have a heart of gold, you’re endlessly supportive, so so funny, insightful, and a joy to be around. You light up every room - both physical and digital. I selfishly want more of your hugs. I appreciate everything about you - thank you for showing me what true goodness could be. Your friendship has taught me a lot about myself, and I love my life better with you in it. I want to be there for you in the ways you’ve always been there for me. I love you.

@effortandmore - I’m so glad you’re starting to see yourself as we see you, because you deserve all the love in the world. You are brave and impossibly kind, you make me laugh and cry (with happiness). You’re generous and funny. I’m endlessly in awe of not just everything you’ve achieved - but who you are as a person. I want to be more like you. To be your friend is a wonderful thing. I cannot wait to see you again later this year - more art gallery trips please, cause I love to hear you talk about it. I love you.

@ugh-yoongi - sometimes I can’t believe our friendship started with “hey you seem cool and normal - do you wanna be a mod on my subreddit?” and it quickly became apparent we’re both somewhat unhinged. You are so funny it hurts - literally, you regularly make my sides ache from laughing at 1am. Sometimes I think you don’t know what an amazing person you are. You’re loving and soft-hearted, and your moral integrity is something I truly admire. You hold the people in your life to a standard (so should everyone) and being your friend has made me a better person. You are amazing. Your friendship is a gift and I’m always sending my love to you. I love you.

@bubbleteakittyy - I want you to know how much I admire you, and everything you do. You are courageous, warm, and truly the sweetest person. Seeing you move across the world and make a home for yourself, making new friends and building a life is hugely inspirational. I love your kindness and your optimism and your open heart. I’m so looking forward to seeing you in Copenhagen this year, and I hope now that we’re closer geographically, we’ll be able to see even more of each other going forward. I’m so grateful you’re in my life. I love you.

So much has changed for all of us in 2022, but I’m happy that we have each other. My grandmother always said ‘like attracts like’ and I think that if these are the people who have chosen to be my friend, then maybe I’m a better person than I once thought. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for showing me that. Here’s to 2023 ♥︎

[abandonambition]

ArtistWrapped2022

Sabattons on Twitter created this excellent template to reflect on one’s year in art! I found I prefer something like this to the one-piece-each-month templates since some months are better than others in terms of creativity and output. When setting this up and looking through my files, I didn’t even realize that THIS was the year I started linos, back in January! It completely changed the tragectory of my art and expanded my interests. I definitely hope to carve out more in the new year. I “cheated” with this template and added more pieces since there was a lot to reflect on. I also tried to work with watercolors more on proper watercolor paper. It isn’t up to par with what I was hoping to do with them, but maybe with practice I’ll get to where I want to be. And while that goat was just a sketch, I love how its form came out, including how I sketched the hair and fur. Finally, while that commission was just from this week, I’m thrilled without how that muzzle and teeth came out, and those striking eyes. I haven’t done portraits like that in a long while, so it was refreshing to see I could still add in details like that. For those curious, the vast majority of my digital creating tools (brushes, textures, etc) come from True Grit Texture supply. You have to pay for them, but they’re 100% worth in. In particular I’m having fun with their infinite paper sets right now (which both that goat and the snarly muzzle were created on). My favorite “pencil” and “ink” brushes are from them, too. For colors, I don’t think I have many favorite colors, and color theory is something I continue to be weak in. I forever favor blacks and grays in inking and sketching, and red happened to be an accent color I used in a ton of pieces this year. Otherwise, when I do use color, a lot of it ends up with an almost “Lisa Frank” vibrance to it (which isn’t good or bad; I made my rainbow hyena and fox series so colorful to turn them into holographic stickers, for example). Hopefully if I continue to play with watercolors and inks I can expand my grasp of color and get those dull, muted tones I adore. Thank you all for watching what I create and supporting me along the way! This first full year of my rebrand reflected a sort of “giving up” of higher goals, which in the end freed me to pursue the little things that spark my interest or bring me joy. Abandoning big aspirations in the face of uncertainty meant giving myself the freedom to explore and create without putting any weight onto whether what I created was a success or a failure (financially or otherwise). I think I learned a lot about myself and how my brain works. I hold no hopes for 2023 and I’d like to keep it that way. 😉 

Thanks for enjoying my work! Your comments are appreciated. Learn more about me at AbandonAmbition.com.

[whoisthatcreepoverthere]

So I graduated this past May after five years of study! I think I’m finally ready to share this with the world.

At my university, the capstone project for art majors (both Graphic Design and Studio Art, or in my case, both) is to create a cohesive body of artwork, pass a jury held by the top three professors of the art department, and hold an exhibition with fellow graduating students in the University’s own galleries. We got to choose our own mediums (the only restraint was your medium of choice has to fall under your degree’s umbrella), our own themes. I chose to re-tell my college experience through the lens of a fantasy RPG.

I made the backgrounds on Inkarnate, a DnD map making website, hand drew my characters (me and my then-therapist), and then digitalized them in Photoshop with the help of a tablet.

Completing this project was a nightmare. I had aspirations far beyond what’s here that I had to cut due to my lack of time management skills. I’ve always struggled with my mental health, so tackling such a large project that meant the world to me, the pressure of going public with it, and dealing with the deteriorating health and eventual death of my Mom, made every day a struggle. I only got it done and on display in time to graduate because my professors were being extremely lenient with me due to my loss. And at first, I couldn’t bring myself to love what I made. And even now, my feeling towards this is rocky because I know what I wanted it to be. I see every mistake. I remember how much I hated every second I spent on it during the last month I was in school. I didn’t think it was good enough to be seen by everyone. And I was angry my Mom would never see it. But it’s a finished product. And I’m trying to learn how to not hate everything I make and not deem everything I do unworthy. In the safety of my tiny ass blog, I want to share this little piece of myself.

[cfsten]

Yesterday, I posted a thank you for tagging along on this adventure with me. It’s been two weeks since I took the first step, and already, a few milestones have been reached. I never really feel like I achieve anything, so I guess we should talk about it.

Week 1 was about building a platform. I've been reluctant, some would say in the extreme, to take this step in the past, but now it's done. Five different accounts are now up and running. That's at least the foundation for a platform, or so I'm told.

Week 2 has been about setting goals, making plans, and getting into the habit of actually using this platform. I'm doing the #KofiSharetember challenge now, and I'm going to do a Spooktober challenge next month. 100 posts before Christmas is the goal.

Well, that's the summarised version done. To be more specific, I have a plan for how to use this new platform of mine and I know what kind of content I want to share.

Social Media Plan

This is the platform I'm currently standing on:

Instagram & Facebook: Right now, I’m cross-promoting content (see, we are learning big words!) between Instagram and Facebook. The long-term goal is for both of these platforms to focus on promotion. Instagram's focus on images could be good for sharing sneak peeks of my art and other projects. Over time, the Facebook page will probably move towards hosting more in-depth promotions, ads, and announcements.

Threads: I'm trying to think of Threads as a stream of consciousness channel. A place for quick updates, memes, anecdotes, and sneak peeks, and I think it could evolve into some kind of Sten's day-to-day life as a creator log. Having said that, I won't be sharing any pictures of my food.

Tumblr: The home base for my blogs and community interaction. It’s also where I repost content that aligns with my big six below and the vibe I’m going for. I’ve added an AMA button, so feel free to drop me a question anytime!

Ko-fi: This is where I'm setting up shop so you can buy my products, become a member, or leave a tip if you feel like supporting my work in a simple way. The Sharetember challenge has prompts for all of these things, and the plan is to follow through to have it all done from October onwards.

In addition to all of these channels, I have a YouTube account and a page on the Resilience website, but we’ll talk more about those when it's time to look into my long-term plans. Remember, September is all about getting the equipment ready.

Content Buckets

If you want to know what you sign up for if you follow me, that makes two of us. I’ve had some time to think about this, and I think all of the content I'll be sharing as part of this creative adventure can be sorted into six main buckets:

Art: I am an artist, and I'll be sharing sneak peeks, work-in-progress shots, and final pieces, ranging from digital to traditional media. None of this comes natural to me, but I hope we can make it work somehow. On Tumblr and Threads, I will also be reposting other artists.

Games: I make and play games, so there will be a lot of that. Right now, you’ll probably see updates about the DND one-shot I’m working on, play-tests, and other fun gaming content. Going forward, I have plans to release something in 2025...

Storytelling: I'm a writer, but I am interested in all kinds of storytelling. Whether it’s short stories or interactive narratives, I’ll probably talk about what I'm writing, reading, and watching.

Mental Health: My personal journey, both as a man and as a creative, has been affected by my struggles with mental health. It's not something I've felt comfortable talking about, but if I'm going to do this, I think I’ll have to. I will try to be open and honest in sharing my experiences with anxiety, depression, and what may turn out to be autism, and how they intersect with my creativity.

Cats: Who doesn't love cat content? I have two feline co-stars, so there will be regular doses of cats in all my feeds. I was thinking of lumping them in with the mental health content, but I don't think my girls would appreciate that.

Going Pro: My main goal is to turn my creativity into a sustainable business. I'm working on a 5-year plan and I will be sharing the milestones with you. I'm still working on how to tell people about it with a straight face, so I need to see them too. No, that's not a joke. Hopefully, sharing the process can help me get over myself and maybe even inspire someone else to take their first steps too.

So this is where we are right now. The support has been wonderful these first two weeks, and I’m only just getting started. If you’ve been following along, thank you so much! I’m happy to share this journey with you.

Tonight, I'm playing Baldur's Gate 3 and hanging with my girlfriend. Tomorrow, we tackle Week 3. If you’d like to support me, you can keep coming back to read, like, share, and comment on my updates. You can check out my Ko-fi page (link in bio), and you're always welcome to reach out with questions or feedback!

See you next week!

[saintangelina]

where angels don't fly #1

this picture is from my 22nd birthday, a day that i spent crying in bed, the first half at least. it's truly kunt how one can be receiving a ton of happy bday messages and be so distraught with life lmao.

leading up to it i just didn't feel like doing nothing for my bday, for no specific reason just vibes. i have a very different view of things and tbh i try to celebrate myself as much as possible during the ENTIRE year, so i just didn't feel like there was much in the air to commemorate. my mom was insisting on having dinner outside with some of my friends, including my dad, and with that simple request, me knowing i had a very femme look planned for the night out, i freezed to the thought of posting up outside with my dad "looking like that". mind u, he doesn't say shit abt it ever lmao, those times are long gone but those scars very much woke tf up in that moment.

this caused an insane crisis, were i was reflecting deeply abt the fact that, my truth, my essence, my soul's true purpose and flourishing is conditioned to my current location. this is still true, partially. but i'm very privileged, i try to remind myself of that because i'm graced with alot of peace that others that look like me just don't have. that never kept the monsters away though. ALL my life i've been frozen, succumbed to the words of those around me, i've created beautiful realities within my own safe space, the digital world. creation is my purpose but for so long i've let how the world views me condition my movement. i think i'm slowly getting my voice back, and my will to just bulldoze life with art. and somehow i think my birthday reminded me of that, so i guess there was something to celebrate after all :p

by god's will and divine timing, we finally had our sleepover!! these two angels are the ones who remind me of my humanity, of deserving unconditional love and support, of being me and allowing myself to breathe. ethereal souls that get my hand every time and say "you're good!". i'm forever grateful that i can share this life with them, and that night i learned more than i did in months. i learned that i'm not to fault for falling deep in the traps of unrequited love - in the form of lust - and looking for the most basic human necessities like touch in someone that will simply not give it to me, because they're not supposed to. i was also reminded to share, share share share. i trap years of guilt within me and i've just arrived my 20s, and i know damn well i don't want to be the seniors around me, engulfed in decades of trauma, pain and stagnancy. i made a vow to forever be honest about what's going on with me, with them at least, because i pick and choose very carefully who can be apart of my tapestry.

but these two...every inch of them, and every inch of me is valid when we are around each other, and i honestly wish everyone carried just a lil bit of that frequency with them everyday. pure magia

meanwhile, miss twigs is out here saving lives and exceeding the bar once again. been listening to eusexua (the unreleased was to feel alone) for the past months since the valentino l'école show, and she truly just feels like a hug of hope, getting me out of the darkness with the use of it, with sensorial bpms that just make every cell in my body vibrate every stain of doubt away & fully letting go. i hope one day i can tell her the depths of what she makes me feel just out of 4 minutes and 23 seconds of music, let alone an entire discography, and ngl manifesting we'll become peers of the craft and we can work together period.

an eclipse in pisces is upon us, the astrologers are saying to not do much, practice patience, rest and let the higher up do its thing. so i’m just gonna bathe myself in faith salts, put a juicy body oil, drink some tea and relaaaaaaaax.

....................ʢᴗ.ᴗʡᶻ

well LMAO, hi. i've decided to start a dramatic journaling journey of journal journalism on here, the format is great and i always felt like i needed to spread my thoughts/seeds through every corner of the internet that i can. idgaf about typos, oversharing, self-centeredness LMAO. i'm learning to value my rants, and giving it a digital medium that's slightly customizable is cute. this is gonna be my vessel from me to me so i can elaborate more on my experiences, and keep up with myself. if someone finds it, hopefully it'll spark a thought or two.

angelina xx

[silychurl]

A few months ago, fellow fandom dweller and fic writer @silvernightwalker decided to organize a fan book project with the hopes of giving it to DT at a local con, but due to certain circumstances, the panel and meetup got canceled. But that project was still such a blast to contribute in, heck I even got the chance to help make a simple portrait artwork for the cover!

(This is a rather long post so I’ll cut it here, but the full version contains quick rundown of my process and trials, as well as full credits for those who helped make this thing real!)

So what exactly did we do? Well a portrait is simple enough, seeing the tight deadline we had if we wanted the book to arrive in time for the con. Since the book itself contains so much wonderful art by so many artists, having something that shows many illustrated variations of the actor himself made sense, and again seeing as we were a couple of artists working on this assured we wouldn’t surpass the deadline. So after a bit of rummaging in the GO Reference Library we managed to Frankenstein an image that fitted our theme and then we could actually start making our portraits.

I started by thinking I should do a normal digital painting, but seeing how most of our team was doing that, I thought, "Why not do it traditionally instead? It's been a while since I've painted with acrylics."

I immediately regretted that, as I there was only a few days left and I hadn't even started my final submission. So plan C it was.

Finally seeing as everyone was drawing the reference picture in their unique style, I decide I would invoke my learnings from doing way too many Professor Layton crossover art and draw DT in a fun stylized way, with nice chunky lineart and include nods to some of his roles that really stuck with me (A.J. Crowley, the Tenth and Fourteenth Doctor and a seemingly well hidden Scrooge McDuck from Ducktails, since that's probably the first role of his I've got to see in action). And then I let the colours really take the show by at first limiting my palette to then painting it a little in greyscale.

(Here’s what the lineart, and rough sketch and colour composition look like!)

And the taa-da! The end results!

Links to everyone who helped make this cover!

Go check out the other artist who worked on the cover and their wonderful rendition of DT!

And make sure to check out our fantastic event organizers, we wouldn’t be able to do all of this without them!

Project organizer and book giving aficionado: https://www.tumblr.com/silvernightwalker

Layout designs and cover design as well as second but not least event organizer: https://www.tumblr.com/carnival-of-vanity

Give them lots of love to them for me, will ya?

(Also for those who are eagle eyed, yes I did only just refer to David Tennant as DT in the whole post and yes that is because I botched his last name in the book, I’m an artist not a writer)

[chaya-mga2022mi6011]

Answering a Few Questions

What do I want to do after completing the degree?

I've always aimed to become a Visual Development Artist after completing my degree, but after having the opportunity to work as an Illustrator at Koko, over the last 3 months, I have developed a newfound passion for becoming an Illustrator. Since I've been having a difficult time trying to choose between the two, I decided that I will be focusing on my final major project for MI6021 from the standpoint of a visual development artist, and for this module, MI6011, I will be working on it from the standpoint of an illustrator.

First, to get a better idea, what's the different between a visual development artist and an Illustrator?

Visual development artists and illustrators both work in the realm of visual art, but they have different roles.

Illustrators are artists who use their skills in design, art, and creativity to create visual images. These images can be used in a variety of mediums, including Magazines, Books, Advertisements, Posters, Greeting cards, Medical materials, Children's books, Websites, Technical designs, and Fashion design.

Illustrators use their skills to communicate ideas and stories through their images. They can understand and reinterpret a text, and then communicate it through their illustrations.

Visual development artists, on the other hand, use research and story to establish the look of a film, character, or world. They may work in a variety of roles, including animator, art director, lighting artist, prop artist, and costume designer.

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What do I want to be known for?

I want to create narratives and illustrations that not only creatively inspire today’s children but also share an important message and leave a lasting legacy, remembered by generations to come.

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What ideas have I been yearning to bring into the world?

I want to create something that’s not only fun but also carries a deeper message, and I think it’s crucial to present these ideas in a way that also makes sense to kids. Making complex concepts easy for them to understand is a big part of what I want to bring to the world.

So, it won’t be just about providing entertainment but also about instilling values, sparking curiosity, and inspiring creativity.

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What am I good at? What are my strong suits?

I’d say I’m comfortable with both digital and traditional art. When it comes to digital art, I lean more towards 2D work, where I enjoy painting environments, props, lighting, and setting the mood for a scene. And when it comes to traditional art or mixed media, I’d say my go-to strengths are watercolor painting, crafting with clay, and drawing with ink pen.

So, for my project, I’m thinking of combining both digital and traditional/mixed media aspects to showcase the range of skills I’ve picked up along my creative journey. I want the project to showcase all of the techniques and styles that I enjoy working with.

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What am I the most passionate about?

I love telling stories through illustrations and capturing moments and emotions in a way that speaks to people.

After last year’s mixed media module, I realized that I’m also passionate about experimenting with different art mediums and techniques. It keeps things interesting and gives me a chance to look away from the screen and touch paper once in a while, which is nice.

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What kind of project would help me to demonstrate all of the skills I’ve learned so far?

Definitely a project with a mix of all digital art, traditional art, and mixed media– a bit of everything. I’d love to create something that’s not just entertaining but also carries a good message, simplified in a way that clicks with anyone and makes it easy for anyone to grasp important ideas.

[everygame]

Dead Space (Xbox 360)

Developed/Published by: EA Redwood Shores / EA Released: 13/10/2008 Completed: 27/10/2023 Completion: Beat it. Trophies / Achievements: 600/1000

I wanted to keep spooky season going, so I reached into an old, dusty cupboard, pulled out an antique tea chest covered in cobwebs, unlocked the chains that bound it and pulled out… a 2008 third-person shooter! Ooohhhhh, scaryyyyy! I didn’t even play the remake! Oooohhhhh!

Damn, this is 2008 as hell. Usually I’m thinking to myself, like “how much have graphics really changed since the Xbox 360 generation?” and then I play this and I’m like “Oh.”

(Which I actually think is mostly down to art direction, but that’s probably another conversation.)

I guess it’s just funny to go back to a major triple-A release of the era and see it’s, like, not open-world (it’s actually sectioned into levels!) and the different sort of derivative it manages to be. Set on a space station that’s been over-run with disturbing monsters made from the warped bodies of the dead, it’s *cough* quite clearly inspired by Event Horizon and Bioshock, with a central mind-bending twist that you’ll spend three-quarters of the game waiting to pay off because it’s so bloody obvious.

There’s some good to Dead Space. I think the combat system, which asks you to shoot the limbs off enemies to disable and kill them, using weapons with really nice, clear sights so you can aim successfully, is inspired. It’s a sensible length, too, clocking in at under 10 hours.

The problem with Dead Space is that there’s really only one kind of scare: the jump scare. Pretty much every encounter is either walking into a room and having an enemy jump out, or it’s doing something in the room and having… and enemy jump out. Or several enemies. Every enemy, also, pretty much just runs directly at you screaming, and with plentiful “stasis” (an ability that allows you to slow down enemies, making it easier to chop ‘em up) every battle I had basically devolved into me making my way into a corner and waiting for enemies to run towards me so I could dismember them.

So unfortunately Dead Space becomes really quite boring long before you’re done with it, so thank god it’s as short as it is. It’s possible you might invest in the story more than I did, but I found it a pretty ratty bag of cliché at least in 2023, and the game’s nod to puzzle solving is generally just dragging things around using your “kinesis” ability, which leads to what I consider the nadir of the game, the final level where you very… slowly… drag a huge monument around on conveyor belts. In fact the entire ending is a bit of a damp squib as you shoot weak points on a big boss that I wasn’t sure why I was fighting???

Pretty disappointing!

Will I ever play it again? I won’t play the remake, which sounds surprisingly faithful, and I think I might have a copy of the sequel or the third one lying around somewhere but I’m not enthusiastic about the idea.

Final Thought: Playing this got me thinking about Event Horizon, and here’s a couple of fun facts: one, apparently the film was inspired by Warhammer 40,000, with Wikipedia claiming "Fans consider Event Horizon to be an unofficial prequel to Warhammer 40,000, when humankind discovers the Warp and learns of its dangers the hard way." They do???

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