What The Moon Knows
Under Coruscant’s moonlight, attraction blooms. Slowly, but surely, it takes root, until it can no longer be deniable.
Let it never be said that Obi-Wan has ever let such feelings overwhelm him.
In other words, Obi-Wan starts finding his student and close friend attractive.
EDIT: IN CASE IT WASNT CLEAR, THIS IS A PART OF THE LITTLE ONE UNIVERSE LOLOL SORRY I FORGOT TO MENTION
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There is no life without death.
There is no love without hate.
There is no light without dark.
And therefore there is no moon without the bittersweet musings of those beneath it.
It’s his body that knows before his mind does.
It’s his body that feels the dip of the mattress, his body that turns in response, his body that spreads his arms and creates a space between them. It is only half a minute later, when he finally manages to blink away sleep for just long enough to form a thought, that his mind catches up.
“Nightmare?” Obi-Wan rasps, gently scraping his nails against the back of his padawan’s head. He doesn’t know what time it is, or what day of the week. All he knows is the one in his arms.
“Of my mother,” Anakin croaks, and Obi-Wan pulls him closer, pulls the boy- because that’s what he is, even though he’s taller than him, even though he’s more powerful in the Force, Anakin is just a boy- he pulls the boy into his chest, where he can hear the steady ba-dump. ba-dump. ba-dump. of Obi-Wan’s heart.
The boy takes in a shuddering breath, once, twice, three times, and then his body relaxes, and after a long moment, Obi-Wan lets his eyes close.
It’s his body that knows before his mind does.
Slivers of moonlight flit between the blinds of his window.
It’s his body that feels the dip of the mattress.
Between the streams of silver-grey light are patches of endless dark.
His body that turns in response.
Outside the window, too, is dark.
His body that spreads his arms and creates a space between them.
Above all the dark, is the moon, ever-watching, ever-seeing.
It is only half a minute later, when he finally manages to blink away sleep for just long enough to form a thought, that his mind catches up.
It is the moon’s light that bathes his room in serenity.
“Nightmare?” Obi-Wan rasps, gently scraping his nails against the back of his padawan’s head. He doesn’t know what time it is, or what day of the week. All he knows is the one in his arms.
“You’re so warm,” you sigh, already half-asleep again. Obi-Wan makes a sound at the back of his throat, tilting his head up slightly so you don’t bump into his chin. He closes his eyes…
“Master,” you say.
“Mm?” He grunts, eyes closed. He inhales, exhales, sinks a little deeper into the pillow.
“Master?” He hears, and Obi-Wan makes a startled half-snore half-gasp and blinks, frowning at the shadow on the wall from the half-closed blinds. His vision focuses slightly, the blinds flutter, more moonlight streams through.
“You say something?” He asks, nuzzling his nose into your hair, inhaling slowly and smiling. His eyes are closed. He inhales, exhales, the tension leaves his body.
“Obi?” He hears, small and quiet, and he pulls back, blinking harshly to force himself awake. The shadow on the wall is longer now. He shuffles back slightly. Not too much, his legs still intertwined with yours, his arms still around your body, but he gently pulls at your chin to tilt your head up to meet his gaze.
Your own eyes are closed, breaths coming in shallow puffs through parted lips. Your eyebrows draw together and a whine begins in your throat, so Obi-Wan drags his hand down and smooths it gently over your neck.
“I have you,” He whispers, so softly he’s not sure if he actually spoke or if his sleep-addled mind imagined it. His fingers rest against your pulse point, steady, soothing, and he feels his eyes close again.
His hand drags up again, reason unknown to his mind. It’s always his body that seems to know first. His thumb brushes against your bottom lip, and he presses his forehead to yours.
It would be so easy to kiss you.
And perhaps that was the start.
—————
It doesn’t happen overnight.
Or it does.
It doesn’t. Maybe it’s a mix of both.
Obi-Wan is neither stupid nor blind. It’s been several years since others your age have begun to express interest. He’s sometimes seen the looks that linger just a little too long from other Padawans. He knows your smile is pretty; how couldn’t he? When he’s been the lucky recipient of so many.
Halfway into your Padawan training, Obi-Wan is already well aware that you’re attractive. That isn’t to say he’s attracted to you; no, not at all. You’re young, naive and childish, because you are, still, a child. He gives plenty of not-so-subtle lectures on propriety and modesty and the Jedi Way, lectures that had your face burning as you squirmed deeper into the sofa as if it would take pity on you and swallow you whole. Sometimes Anakin would join, snickering from wherever he was perched, glad to finally see someone else go through the mortification he once did.
Another occurrence happens shortly after you’re old enough to drink. Somewhere in the heart of Coruscant’s nightlife, far beyond the reaches of any natural light, four force-sensitives sit at a bar. There’s an empty shot glass in front of you, and you’re grimacing as you swallow, not at all impressed by the taste.
The girl behind you is awfully impressed by your vibe as Ahsoka had once said, and asks you if you want to dance.
There’s another lecture waiting for once you get back to the temple.
“You flirt on missions all the time,” Anakin says oh so helpfully, and Obi-Wan watches your eyes peek over a pillow, cheeks flushed.
“That’s different,” Obi-Wan says, even as he briefly considers what it would be like, flirting with you.
—————
Perhaps it truly doesn’t happen overnight.
Obi-Wan is sat in front of some younglings, crowding around him for answers to questions he’s answered a dozen times over, and he’ll answer a dozen more. You’re seated in the far corner of the room, a stuffed bantha in one arm and a toddler in your other.
The crèche masters that watch over this particular group had all gotten a nasty case of the flu, and you were quick to offer up help.
When he feels a sudden surge of soft affection through your bond, Obi-Wan looks up, taking in your easy smile. The little Pantoran in your lap tugs gently at your Padawan braid, and you softly coax her attention away with stories of A Nice Bantha from Far Away.
Not for the first time, Obi-Wan muses at how well you’ve always managed younglings.
For the first time, Obi-Wan’s thoughts stray to what a good parent you could have been if you lived a life away from the Order; he thinks of you, with your own child in your arms, smiling at them with the sweet smile you often give him. It’s a fantasy that does not play out in his mind for much longer than a few seconds, for his attention is called away by the hoard of excited children.
In the future flashes of quick daydreams, it escapes his notice that the child in your arms, no matter their age, no matter their gender, always had hair his colour.
It is not something he ever notices.
At least, consciously.
—————
Dreams.
A dream is a succession of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that usually occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.
Involuntarily.
Obi-Wan ignores the glaring sign in his mind saying but you’re a Jedi. Dreams are different, for Jedi.
How else could he explain the dream he had of kissing you? How else could he explain the way your skin felt against his, the way you tilted into him, the way your hairdo didn’t sport a Padawan braid anymore?
It was just what it was. An involuntary culmination of things he already knew. That you were attractive, that you had a nice smile, that your training was ending soon.
It was not, it absolutely was not a vision. He could not let himself hope.
The only thing more dangerous than fear, something the Jedi rarely addressed, was hope.
It’s his body that knows before his mind does.
“Nightmare?” Obi-Wan rasps, fighting the sudden, hazy feeling of déjà vu, despite his heart telling him it’s something completely different.
It’s only when skin touches bare skin that his mind finally catches on.
He’s shirtless- he’s realising that now. It was a decision he made a few hours ago, and it was entirely consensual and entirely innocent. Coruscant’s sun had a cycle that expelled a flurry of solar flares every two and a bit Coruscanti years, resulting in a heatwave that lasted no more than two weeks. While not dangerous to inhabitants, the entirety of Coruscant seemed to quiet in those weeks, trade become all but nonexistent for a few blissful moments of silence.
Now, however, when Obi-Wan’s hand comes into contact with a very much completely bare thigh- the situation no longer feels innocent nor consensual.
“Room was stuffy,” comes a muffled response, and Obi-Wan trails his gaze over what was your own choice of pyjamas for the night- an oversized shirt and what he hopes to all the stars above is a pair of tiny shorts and not-
Force guide him.
His Padawan, the beautiful thing, seems to decide at that moment to nuzzle against him, your nose rubbing delicately at the space between his collarbones. A body shifts, Obi-Wan isn’t sure who’s, but then his arm is securely around your waist and back and your leg has nudged its way between his.
You press closer then; this much Obi-Wan is sure is your own doing, but if it is your body or your mind that is taking the lead here, he chooses not to consider. Your lips ghost over his skin as you slowly tilt your head up, nosing against his throat. Obi-Wan remains deathly still as you shift and squirm and wriggle until you’re comfortable, which means now that your face is tucked right up against him. He can feel each of your breaths, he can smell the scent of your shampoo, he can feel your arm curl around his own bare waist.
“Hm,” you say sleepily, and Obi-Wan thinks he could kiss you right now.
He could so easily do so much more than kiss you-
It is then that Obi-Wan accepts that he simply cannot deny it anymore- he finds his Padawan attractive.
He knows you are attractive, in the simply objective sense of knowing, as he knows the sun is hot.
But this- this is akin to standing in the open sands of Tatooine, the glaring sun beating down on him, his robes half-drenched and the other half abandoned on the ground, being fully and completely surrounded and overwhelmed by hot.
And so there Obi-Wan Kenobi is, attracted to his Padawan. He finds you attractive-you attract him. You are lovely, in every sense of the word, and beautiful- oh, how beautiful. He knows this now, he feels this now, with every breath he takes.
But attraction is fleeting.
Attraction is oftentimes out of one’s control.
Obi-Wan has been attracted to several people over the course of his life, and it has never been a subject of shame, to him. Why should something be a source of shame, when it is out of one’s control?
Obi-Wan was even, at one point, years ago now, briefly attracted to Master Luminara, and he is fairly certain she returned the sentiment. Now she was nothing more than a friend, an acquaintance really, one he respected and thought well of, and he had honestly forgotten about his previous attraction until this moment.
He would meditate then, Obi-Wan decides. Obi-Wan already meditated before bed, a daily routine of his. Now he would meditate in the mornings, before he was privy to the way your lips curled when you smiled. He would meditate after breakfast, and try to forget the absolutely endearing way you’d scrunch your nose up in the early hours without realising it. He would find time to slip away during the day to mediate if only to get the sound of your laughter out of his mind. If you proved to be a distraction, he would meditate several times a day if that’s what it took-
Obi-Wan had a foolproof plan. His attraction to his Padawan would wane with time, he was sure of it. In five years, he wouldn’t even remember this, it would be a little chapter of his life that was simply inconsequential to his story.
He wakes up once again, finds a girl curled up in his bed, and he curls into her, holds her against him. Then he slips away, onto the tiny open fire escape of his room. He sits on the floor, tilts his head up to face the cool night breeze and allow the lights of Coruscant’s never sleeping night-life wash over his face.
The moon, large and imposing against a black backdrop, stares down at him. He stares back.
“It will wane with time,” He says firmly, forcing himself into meditation.
-and oh, how did the frequency of Obi-Wan’s meditations grow.
—————
the end?
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Hope all of you are well <3
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