#a universe where nothing matters is so liberating

[neon-impressions]

I AM SOFT AND KIND AND FULL OF LOVE

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i met with a good friend yesterday and it was really nice but something is bothering me and i wish it didnt.

so she has started to call herself a „queer feminist“. she kept talking about „queer“ this and „queer“ that and at some point talked about reading a „queer“ book. thats when i interjected and said what does queer mean? this tells me nothing. is it about a trans male experience, about a lesbian woman, this doesnt mean anything (turned out to be about a bisexual woman which is why she related which she probably wouldnt have if it was about a different type of „queer“ person). so i go on saying thats why i find the term useless. she says she finds it a useful umbrella term and i say umbrella for what? she says „what if for example a woman dates a nonbinary person?“ im like well it depends if the person is male or female since sexuality is still based on sex. what do i as a bisexual woman have in common with a straight man who thinks he‘s a woman? i dont see us as part of the same group. and while she wasnt able to explain the usefulness of the term she said she would keep using it. out of principle i guess.

and it frustrates me because she like many other women is an intelligent and reflected woman whose opinion matters to me but she seems to mindlessly parrot whats popular right now which makes me take her opinion on feminism a lot less serious. how are you a feminist but you think one can identify in and out of womanhood? who are womens rights for then? people who identify as women or people who are women? at the end of the day, if you think women can stop being women under certain conditions, i just dont know how you are helping the liberation of women.

i just cant take people seriously who earnestly use nothing terms like „queer“ and „nonbinary“ and who think me an extremist for not pretending the person we both know is a woman is a „nonbinary person“. it doesnt seem like she has thought about why its predominantly women identifying as nonbinary, and what background these people have (we live in a very liberal city and shes doing her masters in a program and at a university that is breathing queer theory). its like a virus, smart women suddenly regurgitating and internalising all this seemingly without ever considering the implications and consequences. and it creates a distance between women like my friend and i who definitely share a value system but i refuse to pretend and just accept.

she doesnt even know theres many lesbian, gay, bisexual and even trans people who dont consider themselves „queer“. „queer“ is its own community and NOT an umbrella term for same sex attracted or gender dysphoric people (who are already not a coherent group). depending who you ask, asexuals and intersex people are also included. which basically makes „queer“ another term for „different“ (which is its original meaning completely lost here because we are in germany and only use queer in this context).

and since we had debates in the past i already know where it will go when we talk about it. she considers me to be extreme anyways so we will start with her wanting to reject my opinion. it will end with her saying „i cant argue with that (my arguments) but i still disagree“ because its so scary to start questioning all that while youre in these super „queer“ environments.

[cauldronlakefiles]

Alan Wake and The Implications™️ of Gnosticism as told by Carl Jung (1916)

So in AW2 NG+, there is a new video called "Spiral," where he ruminates on the implications of what the Spiral could mean (spoilers below, and a very long post ahead)!

"There are loops beyond these loops. Vast, complex super structures. Beyond what's happening to me now, ahead of me. And I'm there as well. A version of me, something I have become- some elevated, enlightened version- an archon, a demiurge, a demon of some sort- playing a secret game."

Now this is veeeery interesting to me. 

In the Gnostic religion, The Demiurge (literally "artisan" in Greek) is described as a creator of the material world. He is the God of the world, but not the God of the universe. Think Cronus or Odin, under Uranus and Burí. The Demiurge cannot create something out of nothing. He takes matter, already existent and created by the upper god, and turns it into our world, though it comes out imperfect due to the matter being imperfect. 

Then, we have another Greek word admist his monologue: the "archon." The archon is Greek for "ruler" but in Gnosticism, it is the builder(s) of the universe, composed of a team. There's usually seven, and each one rules a planet.

And finally, the demon. That's self-explanatory. In Gnosticism, the definition is interchangeable with the Archons. The Archons are demons and the demons are Archons. Yes, this is relevant.

What I find interesting is the intersection where these definitions meet, the center of the Venn diagram. The Demiurge, the Archon, and the Demon is Yaldabaoth, The Son of Chaos and The Prince of Darkness. He is also known in some iterations as Samael, the Angel of Death, and is primarily viewed as the precursor to our modern day Satan, as well as the Gnostic equivalent to Seth, Saturnus/Cronus, and Typhon. He is described as having a face made of "half flame, half darkness, defiled with blood." 

If you ask what his morality is, you will spur a fishtfight among the occult (as I found out by perusing the various forums and subs). He is generally considered evil or amoral, but he used to be depicted as a genuinely "good" God. He is usually described as arrogant, a "fiery nature," ignorant of higher powers and jealous of other gods. 

Now, Jung further developed his idea of the Demiurge and Archon and Demon from Yaldabaoth, giving him the name of Abraxas, as taught by Basilides. Little is known about Abraxas, as the sources beyond Jung are scarce, though his name dates back to the ancient Greeks. The church burned much of the text that held his name. The Catholic Church outright banned him for being a pagan God and a demon. He is the God of time, and is more powerful and more dualistic than the aforementioned Yaldabaoth (both morally and figuratively) . He was a prominent figure in his book, *Seven Sermons to the Dead,* where he had this to say about him:

"That which is spoken by God-the-Sun is life; that which is spoken by the Devil is death; Abraxas speaketh that hallowed and accursed word, which is life and death at the same time. Abraxas begetteth truth and lying, good and evil, light and darkness in the same word and in the same act. . . He is the God of the cosmos, extremely powerful and fearful. He is the creative drive, he is form and formation, just as much as matter and force, therefore he is above all the light and dark Gods. He tears away souls and casts them into procreation. He is the creative and created. . . His power is the very greatest, because man does not perceive it at all. He is magnificent even as the lion at the very moment when he strikes his prey down. His beauty is like the beauty of a spring morn. To see him means blindness; To know him is sickness; To worship him is death; To fear him is wisdom; Not to resist him means liberation … Such is the terrible Abraxas … He is both the radiance and the dark shadow of man. He is deceitful reality."

Abraxas is duality, the God and the Devil combined in one. He is the beginning and the end. The first word and the last.

Anyway, we reach the part where he has successfully Ascended. He pronounces himself the "Master of Many Worlds." He becomes, in this sense, an "archon, a demiurge, a demon," and I can only imagine what that entails. Talk about a character arc! 

[intersectionalpraxis]

Hey can you please help me?

So I live in a country which is very very pro israel

And like my parents and most of my friends parents are pro israel.

So as our exams are ending soon we have planned to go out.

But my friends want to go to starbucks but I have alr boycotted them and stuff.

The thing is if my parents find out that I'm pro palestine they will be super mad at me (it has happened once before and me and my dad got into a huge huge fight) and I really don't want that to happen because there is a chance that my internet access might be cut off.

So can you please tell me the things wrong with starbucks other than the genocide so I can use it as an excuse?

I really don't want to support starbucks at all.

Thank you so much for reading this!

I live in Canada, and the government here has made it very clear they support the IOF and the ongoing genocide against Palestinian people. I have had a few folks reach out into my inbox before with similar sentiments, so I understand.

I am not sure how old you are, and I don't want to assume that you're under the age of 18 (because I know exams happen for high schoolers as much as they do for those in University), but no matter the context, I can see that there are power dynamics at play here, and in many ways you feel like you're not in a position where you feel comfortable to boycott or talk about Palestinian liberation in front of your family, which is heartbreaking.

I am by no means perfect, so I can't unfortunately provide you with the best response and recourse of action. I have had to cut multiple people out of my life who hold onto problematic views. When I was 17, I had enough of my ex-uncle and cousins actions (I haven't considered them family for nearly 15 years) -my ex-uncle is incredibly classist, ableist, and racist. My cousins were his enabler because they were greedy and insensitive. I called it out numerous times, and then shut them out completely. I have also cut out people from my life that I thought I would see them get married and have kids in the future because of their toxicity I could no longer ignore. It's always hard to do (that sounds like an understatement, it truly is beyond life altering), but it has done nothing but give me the emotional and mental peace I needed.

I also hold the people around me accountable, and if they won't 'listen' to me or are aggressive about supporting oppressors, then I won't argue with walls -that's their decision to remain bigoted, and I'm not responsible for their unlearning beyond a certain point. I can imagine how much you've tried to talk with your family about this, and how exhausting it can be (considering you probably feel belittled by them as well to a certain degree).

I'm also not sure what your dynamic with your family is like generally speaking, or with your friends, and I am in no way saying you should re-shape and reflect about your connections with them, but I wanted to say their 'punishments' against you (like taking your internet away, or yelling at you) for resisting and rebelling against a system which is killing and genociding people in any part of the world is just awful to me on many levels. And it's not just your parents, it's definitely a much larger issue here.

I hesitated with how to get back to you for a while now, so I don't know if you'll see this, because apart from giving you more reasons as to why you should also not go to Starbucks (there are articles about how they have used slave and child labour to farm their coffee beans, and how they shut down stores to prevent unionizing), it just leaves me feeling particularly empty and heartbroken for all the young kids and teens who want to see changes made to our current systems be shut down, bullied, and berated by the people who are supposed to protect and support them the most.

I wish the best for you, and I'm sorry this has been happening to you. I hope you keep resisting in many ways, and that in our lifetime Palestine is free.

[bambamramfan]

I think at this fundamental level, there are three types of horror movies.

The most common, as OP says, is a conservative warning tale not to stray from the traditional path. There's something you're explicitly told not to do, or even just feels unusual, but some short-sighted reason you want to do it anyway (quick money, impressing a girl, drunk and out late, etc.) and then monsters get you. Even when done from a left-wing perspective (like "Get Out" or Texas Chainsaw Massacre", it's still fundamentally a conservative/traditionalist impulse.) Don't take any risks, don't be different, don't expand knowledge of your world beyond what you've always known.

The second most common though is that there is some repressed Self that is horrific in its nature but getting worse and causing damage so long as it is repressed, and you have to bring it to the surface to deal with it. These are movies like Us, Midsommar, Babadook, or Rosemary's Baby. I would call this liberal/therapeutic horror.

Lastly, there is existentialist horror, where the entire point is that nothing you did all long mattered to the final outcome. We live in a cold, uncaring universe with forces far too big for us to sway one way or the other. Funny Games, the Cube, Skinamarink, or Final Destination are like this.

Important note: this is not the same as "if you watch this movie, it will turn you into its category." Art is more a reflection than a mold.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Elijah Kamski - Kidnapper

warning : obsession, some incel thoughts, stalking obviously, drug use, mommy kink, dry humping

Summary : Before he became a billionaire and the symbol of the future, Elijah Kamski was a normal student, a nerd, inconspicuous and yet one of many. A young man who wanted nothing more than her, she just had to realize that he wanted the best for her...whether it was against her will or not. She had no chance.

Rec Song : Bernadette by IMAX

mini tags : @thatsthewrongwallcraig , @rl-nancyholbrook , @snaggletoothblues , @1950schick

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

°It wasn't his fault that he wanted her so much, that he couldn't hide his gaze behind his glasses, couldn't stop his need for her. It was her fault, the fault of his favorite, his beautiful favorite. Ever since he had come to her at university, she had studied the same as he had, as well as he had to a certain extent. It seemed like for the first time, the shy nerd Elijah had found someone who was his equal. ,,Let's become best friends and arch enemies," he had said with a slight grin as he compared the test they had taken with her.

°A test that he should actually have passed with full marks. But to his astonishment and her grin, he was missing one point, a point she had and now she had the hundred percent. His words had made her smile and immediately that side of him that cried out for attention and contact was liberated. Wanted more of that feeling of belonging for a moment. But there was also this other side.

°This other cold side, that of a robot, an android, an elven god. The side that knew it was only a matter of minutes before her "friends" would show up, she would go with them and forget him. How his bright eyes behind the glasses looked from her eyes down to her lips. There he saw the shiny lip gloss. He knew what it tasted like, vanilla and strawberry, sweet but not too sweet. Your lips are soft and almost tender with the lip gloss slightly sticky he thought the words he wanted to say.

°What he wanted to say and so much more to her since he had seen her. He had taken everything he could get from her with the help of the surveillance cameras on the premises and her cell phone it was easy to hack all this. And it was even easier to get her shampoo, shower gel, lipstick and lip gloss. Trying to hold on to her scent as best he could when he lay in his bed. The cover and the pillow were sprayed with perfume when he closed his eyes, his hand wandered to his half-hard cock and his head lay on the soft pillow, it almost seemed as if it was her.

°Someday it really will be you, he thought as he finished his session of almost leaving a mess on the bed. He could see the ruined top he had stolen from her, the stain bright where his cum had not yet soaked in. ,,I just know," he mumbled, sitting back down in front of his computer and continuing to go through her plans and habits. He had studied her, memorized everything she did, even bought a larger apartment slightly off campus. All those requests and the money they brought in were good for something.

°Knowing that it took him longer to get to university and therefore to her, but the extra room. His sanctuary for her was the reason she just had to understand it. You get it...not like those other sluts in their short skirts and those jock guys he was thinking and his hand closed tighter around his computer mouse which made a cracking sound. He knew deep down that you thought of him as a nerd, maybe even a loser, someone unknown. But he was so much more, he was better than those guys you hung out with.

°I'm perfect for you he was the best thing that could have happened to you and him. He was intelligent, handsome, caring and would love you forever. The only thing his darling would have to do was belong to him. And he would...he would do that, he was sure of it. So sure that he decided to intercept her knowing that she always went to the public library on Friday nights to look for other books that the university didn't have. Of course he had read all the books she had read books that gave him a further insight into what she was like.

°He was always like a shadow behind her, so inconspicuous that she overlooked him when she sat down at the table and put her things down to look for books. He slammed shut, the shadow emerged from the shelves and it was easy to fill her water bottle with the small tablet. Because how could it be otherwise, no student was in the library voluntarily on a Friday evening. Except for you, my innocent Eva, he thought and retreated between the shelves, watching her return a few minutes later.

°He watched her between the books as her hands opened the book and her fingers flew over the words. Those gentle soft hands that he had only ever touched when he looked next to her or walked past her. Staying with her as much as he could, seeing her take off her clothes at the summer party, her bikini hanging from her body. There was very little left to cover her body. He was always there when she took off her scarf in winter as soon as she was in the building. Her neck looked so fragile and yet he knew that something would soon settle around it. The way she now opened her jacket and hung over the chair, the light-colored blouse lying against her body and the bright pink bra with the strawberry pattern.

°A grin came to his lips, he had ordered the same model, had felt the perfume on it and was inhaling it. You want it too, he mused and continued with his plan, coming out from between the shelves and pretending to be here by chance. Of course his darling was too good-natured, of course too naive, of course she didn't see the danger. Didn't see the grin that appeared on his lips when he saw her drinking from the water bottle. ,,So do you have any plans for today other than studying like a good little bee?" he asked, pushing back his glasses which had slipped slightly as he moved closer to her.

°He saw exactly how she took a moment too long, her eyes showing confusion and uncertainty for a moment. Her hand ran over her torso as if trying to find her pulse to reassure herself that it was only for a moment. ,,Yes...yes learn right Elijah" she murmured and he watched as she took another sip, trying to get rid of the tiredness and drowsiness. Time to catch you my angel. ,,Is everything all right? You look pale...shall I help you?" he asked, already slipping a hand under her arm to help her up. He took her things and her bag and only heard the faint protest when she still didn't understand what was happening. ,,I'm here, don't worry, close your eyes...we'll be home soon," he murmured to her, pressing her against him again as she tried to get away before she gave in more and more and finally fell into his arms.

°,,That's right," he said as he looked around for a moment before he put her in his car and a smile crept onto his lips. His hand brushed a strand of hair from her face that had come loose during her "rescue". The door closed and only seconds later the car started moving and he drove back to his apartment. He was glad that he had finally decided on the new one when he opened the door with his handprint. A bird shouldn't fly away. He carried her unconscious body as carefully as he could through the apartment and opened the room. Put her on the single bed, the same bed as her room at the university. The same window, the same shelf, the same closet with the same clothes, the same desk. ,,I don't want my guinea pig to be too confused," he said to himself and almost chuckled when he realized he had done it.

°All his darling needed was a tag. He reached into the drawer of the bedside cabinet and pulled out the white collar. It was like his invention, he would make her into what he did with his androids. He would make her perfect, her body already was, she was the most beautiful woman there was, it was her fault she didn't see him that way. I was always good...always. The thought of his parents flashed never appreciated never appreciated the son who made the future.

°But when he looked at her, he actually knew that he was giving her time to wake up, but the god in him, the arrogance and the shame withdrew for a moment. It was his insecurity, his complexes that haunted him. A pitiful whimper came from his lips as he took his glasses off his nose and placed them on the bedside table. ,,You know, I've always just wanted your attention...I knew you'd appreciate me," he began to talk to her even though he knew she wouldn't hear him. His mind saw no other way, he would just tell her and she would understand.

°When he lay down next to her carefully as if he was afraid she would wake up from the drugs. He turned to her, his slightly trembling hand slid to hers, suddenly feeling guilty for what he had done. ,,I'm sorry-I-I sorry...Mommy" came from his lips, seeing his mother's tightening gaze, seeing for a moment that it wasn't his mother lying there. That she would never treat him like that. He buried his head in the crook of her neck and guided her hand slowly to his center.

°,,Just for a moment, yes? Let me make it good, yes?" he asked her, pressing his hips against her hand in a gentle rhythm. His noise soon filled the room, he left kisses on her neck and his apology was lost among the moans. Knowing that if she accepted him it would be good for him, the thought of her stroking his head, praising him, proud of him, made his cock twitch with excitement. Rubbing against her harder. I'll be good, I promise. But she was there for him, knowing she always would be as he came with a moan. Even if it wasn't her insides, not her beautiful body, he kissed her, apologized and tried to come down from his ashamed high. When he stood up and put his glasses back on the shame of his actions didn't get the better of him.

°Turning away from her and turning off the light in the room was the only thing in his mind that brought him back to what he was above her. That he finally had his angel. Closing the door behind him, he knew that once again it was only a matter of time before she woke up, until he would show her what he would give her, that she was what he needed. In the end she could not escape him it would make no difference because in his presence she was nothing but his pretty bird that he had clipped the wings of...if he wanted her to she would sing for him at any time out of pure love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[jyndor]

oh my god

a show written by white us americans for us american kids, while often spot on with its anti-imperialism, is not actually the end all be all for how occupied and marginalized peoples can respond to their oppression and genocide. weirdo.

full disclosure I have my problems with the portrayals of jet and hama for this exact reason that i have previously written about here. because ultimately the gaang represent "good" resistance - mostly defensive/nonviolent. jet represents "bad" resistance, namely violent property damage that would have caused civilian casualties if sokka hadn't warned them. and hama, who thanking this op didn't bring up, is supposed to show how trauma can make a person do terrible things but really it just feels like a racist, misogynistic way to both sides colonialism and imperialism.

now unless I'm misremembering the story (I am not) that episode took place in the earth kingdom. why were those innocent fire nation civilians so close to the valley that jet was trying to protect? why was he worried about them encroaching on that valley enough to destroy the dam?

because they were settlers. the fire nation was trying to defeat and occupy the entire world, of course their settlers weren't just innocent civilians, they played a role like all settlers do in all conflicts. and jet and his freedom fighters were all displaced by the fire nation. they were refugees.

in the end, the gaang may have their problems with jet's tactics but they still mourn him and understand that he is RESISTING oppression, and not that he is the same as his oppressor.

katara is UNIQUELY empathetic and decent at times. during the painted lady, she makes it clear that she wants the liberation of ALL - including her oppressors who are also victimized by fire nation imperialism (and capitalism lbr). she sees the class dynamics in the fire nation, sees how they harm the villagers of jang hui. how the military industrial complex poisons fire nation citizens - literally. the problem is that they are happy to take her help when they think she is one of them, but when she reveals herself to be a waterbender, they turn away from her in their racist, xenophobic disgust.

the truth is that katara's form of universal liberatory politics is just one form of resistance against oppression. sometimes atla veers into making it seem like the only acceptable form of resistance, which is quite convenient for the white us americans who wrote the show.

one of atla's main ideas is that imperialism harms everyone, including the beneficiaries of imperialism. it was also written in the early to mid 2000s during the so-called war on terrorism, and with a us american audience in mind. so no I am not surprised that jet isn't seen in a totally positive light, nor am I surprised that the fire nation is occasionally presented in a "not all fire nation" way. it still posits that those innocent civilians are racist/colonizers and frankly complicit in many ways for what the fire nation is doing abroad.

this is why jet isn't a villain, he's just a complicated character. why he is made a martyr. why katara mourns him even if she's angry with him.

as for whether or not katara would condemn hamas... I'm not sure it matters. movements regularly have infighting and disagreements on tactics. even so, atla is a TV show. palestine is a real place with real people who have tried all kinds of forms of resistance. nothing is ever good enough for supporters of the settler colonial project of israel because the point is never, ever to live together in peace. two state solution? where do you see that in atla? if ANYTHING the show calls for pluralism and freedom of movement for all. for an end to nation states and nationalism, as well as preservation of all cultures. liberation for all.

I can't speak to the mess of the comics or lok because I don't care about those but if we're just talking about atla... come on. it's free palestine.

also nice false equivalency between the free palestine movement as a whole and hamas, which is just one part of the movement. racist dipshit genocide apologist.

[matchibee]

A Web of Their Own Design (pt. 3)

bark? bark bark? (barely proofread)

Atoms felt as though they were dissipating, burning like a flame. You could feel your very being splitting apart, distancing themselves as you clutching yourself, fetal position of the floor of the Spider Society — countless spiders: men, women, animals? — looking to you with remorse, a silent understanding. "First time?"

You supposed there was a first time for everything, every experience and bloodshed, but this was far from favorable. A burden running deeper than anything you'd ever experienced prior.

"Here, hun." Spider-Woman, Jessica, you'd come to know the spider who'd previously come to your aid. "It'll help with the glitching."

You secured the band around your wrist — a day pass — Hobie, Spider-Punk, had called it. You thanked her with a nod, Hobie brushing your shoulder, your neck turning to gaze upon him. "Why're you here?"

You thought you might've heard him wrong, excusing yourself, asking for clarification.

"Were Bossman's words so enticing you folded just like that?"

"I wouldn't say I folded."

"Like a lawn-chair."

"Hey!"

Miguel called out to you from ways away, sculpted back facing you, unchanging in his posture. "Knock it off, kids." Was he saying that to infuriate you? Certainly not. If the phenomenon sweeping the universes — multiverses? spiderverses? — was as pressing as he made them seem, he wouldn't been keen on making enemies.

You entered a room situated at the end of a vast hallway, spider variants that passed you by looking to you as though you were nothing more than a fleeting light in an array of stars.

Here, you were normal. Here, your powers weren't a burden nor a blessing. You simply existed, coasting the waves in an experience of simplicity.

It was liberating.

"You're about to get the Spider-Spiel."

"The huh?"

"My name, as you know, is Miguel O'Hara. I'm the leader of an elite Strike-Force dedicated to the security of the multiverse. That's where you are now, where I've brought you."

Hobie was not kidding when he said this man was about to go on a spiel.

"I'm this universe's one and only Spider-Man. I'm... Well, I'm different from the rest, different from everyone."

His introduction piqued your curiosity, a million questions pressing against the tip of your tongue, reducing yourself to a singular inquiry, perhaps the one that mattered the most. "What does that have to do with me?"

Miguel removed his mask, sumptuous blues and reds forfeiting themselves for a face sculpted by the Gods. His suit was far from deceiving, clinging to his body in a way only the spandex could. A second skin.

"Lyla," a hologram produced an AI from seemingly nowhere. "Do the thing."

The opulently dressed Artifice feigned ignorance. "What thing?"

"The thing."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Miguel clawed his hands down his face, skin contorting to his touch, frustrated. "You are literally programed to know what thing."

The two bickered back and forth, Miguel entirely fed up as Lyla continued the act, zipping in blurbs around his body, Miguel struggling to keep up with the myriad places she seemed to reposition herself.

You leaned towards Hobie, faces still obscured by your masks, "Do they always act like this?"

"Infuriating? Stubborn? Wanton?"

"All of the above."

"On the daily."

You groaned much like Miguel had, swift in removing your mask, a breath of fresh air — said air smelling different, its taste even differing from the air you breathed in your own universe.

"You're quite the looker beneath your mask," Hobie had removed his own, head of hair bouncing voluminously from its confines, a face graced in silvers. "Decent face, obviously intelligent. How'd you let that guy drag you into all this? This... institutional nonsense?"

All you could think of in the midst of Hobie's own rant was how the hell did all that hair fit?

"Institutional nonsense?"

"Rubbish, all of it. I never believed in it." He crossed his arms over his chest, fed up with the situation.

"Hobie," You gathered his attention, a hum sounding from his throat. "You're part of this institution — you're wearing the same watch as everyone else."

He clicked his tongue, "I don't believe in consistency."

"Obviously."

Miguel rejoiced in the background, attentions returning to the mount of muscle, "There we go!"

The lights dimmed in a dramatic fashion, a network of webs connecting to display the multiverse. You looked into them with wonder, hand reaching out, fearing what might happen if your fingers brushed the webs. You saw everything, everyone. Nobody exempt from Miguel's observations, network extending more vast than anything you'd ever believed possible. It seemed impossible for him to be capable of such feats.

"This is..."

"For the sake of simplicity: everything."

Nothing could describe what you felt, what you saw. Every Spider's happiness, downfall. Their hopes and dreams on the sleeve of the multiverse. Not once had you had an original experience. Not now, not ever. If you'd thought it, chances were another had, too.

The thought alone was terrifying? Comforting? You couldn't quite put your finger on it, everything blurring into a singular feeling, a network of minds linked, perhaps cursed.

Was this all you were?

"There are certain canon events that precede Spiderman's existence."

"Canon event?"

Jess spoke up, "Events that are intended to happen. Trials and tribulations every Spider goes through — are meant to go through."

Miguel hummed. "Mhm, mhm. In the future, Jess, I'll do the explaining."

She could only groan in response to his declaration, turning on her heel with a wave of her gloved hand. "Always one for dramatics."

"As Jess said," He spoke the words through his teeth, "Canon events are experiences we all experience — the loss of a loved one, how we acquired our powers. Without these moments, we are breaking the canon, deflecting from what the multiverse intended of us."

You groaned, so much information. Too much information. As exciting as everything seemed, as ecstatic as you were to know you weren't allowed in the world — in any world — this was far too much for you to digest on a Tuesday afternoon, abandoned coffee roaming the halls. "I'm gonna ask one more time, if I don't get my answer, I'm leaving." You approached him, closing the distance between you, standing face-to-face with him in a manner you'd do well in assuming nobody had previously, if his response had anything to say about it. "What does this have to do with me?"

Eyebrows raised, posture stiff. "It has everything to do with you."

You scoffed, returning your mask to where it originated, Miguel's eyes flickering to follow the motion. "I'm out."

"You don't get to just..." He paused to find the words, "Opt out!"

You were mid-thwip, a web pressed against the roof of the room, Hobie watching you with the brightest grin you'd ever seen grace anyone's features. "And why not?"

"These anomalies have been steadily increasing in your universe, concentrating themselves there for some reason. I've yet to see anything like it. It's... Odd."

Hobie's smile fashioned into a frown as you detached from your web, reproaching, perhaps regretting. "You don't have any idea why that could be happening?"

"None. Not yet."

Of course not. Of course this couldn't be easy, the multiverse keen on making your life difficult.

If only someone else had been there that day, cooped up in your school's laboratory studying, examining specimen and confining their anatomy to memory. If only you hadn't slouched in your seat while in desperate need of a break, reaching up to remove the goggles from your face, a spider finding its home on the back of your hand. Nipping at the skin, injecting its influence. If only you hadn’t awoke the next morning with pain pricking at your limbs, sticking to every surface, parents knocking at your door in worry.

If only you awoke the next morning a superhero.

"You want my help?" You were hesitant, unsure. This only widened the burden, further extended how far you'd have to stretch yourself to keep up with everything — with life. Could your relationships survive this? Could your universe survive this?

If you didn't agree to join their Spider Society, you might never know.

"We need your help."

"Fine." You were quick, indignant. There was no point beating around the bush when you could potentially bring an end to this today. A hand outstretched to Miguel, the man confused, hesitant to return the favor. You were extending yourself to him, a gesture he saw as vulnerable.

Vulnerability would be the death of him.

Still, he took your hand, wordless. Palms clasping together as he explained the parameters, what you would be doing and how you could help them. How they could help you, a paradox of service.

Another piece of the puzzle, a pawn on his board. Miguel O'Hara had secured yet another someone that would assist him in ensuring the multiverse didn't collapse.

Another Spider to help untangle the web Miles Morales had spun.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Adam B. Coleman

Published: Apr 17, 2024

Recently I was driving through an affluent neighborhood outside of Boston and I saw more "Black Lives Matter" flags on one street than I've ever seen in totality in any black majority working-class neighborhood.

If I were to presume that most of the people who live in this area are white, why do they feel the need to brandish this flag more so than black people? It only makes sense if "Black Lives Matter" were using the image of black people as a front for an upper-class religion.

Most people agree with black lives matter as a sentiment, including me, but for many it's a way to signal to other ideological believers where they stand and differentiate themselves from the non-believers.

It's no different than if I wore a cross on my chest to let others know about my faith in Christ: they want to signal to the world their social justice & economic status. Within their class bubble, this is how they measure their righteousness against others within their enclave.

That flag has nothing to do with me as a black person but instead has everything to do with making upper-class suburbanites feel less guilty about their social status and elevate their moral standing amongst their social circle.

They find affirmation about us needing them as our faux saviors through other upper-class blacks, especially the academics who are well-versed in their ideological scripture and reject people like me as being false prophets attempting to lead them astray.

Sometimes when people are void of significant problems, they manufacture their own or adopt other people's problems. I believe a significant reason why this ideology holds so strongly amongst the wealthy is because it gives them purpose and an issue to strive to resolve.

However, regular people who are just trying to make ends meet don't need to create problems that aren't there: they have enough of them already. They don't generally have an ego that accepts the possibility of how they can become the saviors of the world, one flag at a time.

Coincidentally, on that same street, those same houses all had LGBT flags and "hate has no home here" lawn signs: It was like driving through an internet meme mocking the ideological left.

Because they rarely leave their bubble, they can't see the absurdity in their actions. They are distant from the demographics they claim to champion, making their advocacy theoretical and improbable for them to bring a resolution to the problems they claim are abundant.

Personally, I am skeptical about anyone who attempts to state their character unprovoked. When I see a neighborhood like that which is trying to convey that they are good people, I think to myself "If you're moral people, you don't need to tell me this: It will shine through."

I worry that there is a segment of wealthy Americans who are insecure about their morality, which is why they quickly bought into a narrative about them being inherently racist or immoral based on what they look like. Maybe this is their way to repent for their sins?

The reason we are being inundated with racial fallacies, outrageous claims, and ideological bent in our media coverage, entertainment, and legislation is that the people who dominate in these fields have all graduated from the same seminary-esque liberal universities.

What's very clear to me is that the flourishing of radical left-wing ideology is fueled by those who reign at the top of the economic ladder. They are disconnected from the rest of us & can't see the ridiculousness of what they're doing because their bubble only reflects their image.

[rachell-redacted]

Here's my review of The Talos Principle 2. It's not a flattering one, but it felt like some things needed to be said.

First of all, let’s get all of ad hominems out the way. This is not a review in bad faith, nor is in written out of malice. I’m not politically opposed to democracy, liberalism, individualism, humanism and women’s rights. I’m somewhat a nihilist, yeah, but a rather practical one. Meanings can be constructed for ease of living and efficiency and all that jazz. I’m also not a puzzle genre hater. I’ve 100%ed Portal 2, and the only reason I do not have 100% at TTP1 is because I could never bring myself to kill Milton off. Who I am though is a huge fan of the first game. This is clearly affecting my perception of this one, so this is relevant, I think.

I’m a huge fan of TTP1 and I hugely disliked TTP2. Is this game a sequel, does it continue the story? Yes. Is it a spiritual successor, does it continue the _narrative_? No, not at all. It feels different, hits different, and for me it wasn’t in a good kind of way.

First of all, TTP2 is overwhelmingly naïve. I do see that this is a deliberate creative choice, but I strongly believe it does not fit the series. It was a bad idea to take a thought-provoking piece of art and continue it as a message rather than as a discussion. TTP1 had space within itself to engage with its ideas and to form individual conclusions. TTP2 clearly wants to tell you something specific, but to truly listen you need to suspend your disbelief a lot more than before. Where the first game would have tackled a question with some degree of nuance, this one tends to postulate an answer. Would like to explore space for some other reasons than our moral duty to light up the Universe with cognition and life? Do not believe in such things? Good luck. Do not think that beauty exists / is inherently good / matters? Good luck once again, now with a chance to disappoint your companions. The list goes on, and while I’m all for humanism, technocracy and progress, I still felt trapped in reasonings game offered me for it all.

There’s also a huge problem with the narrative as a whole – there is no whole. Plot seems strangely fragmented, with Somnodrome arc being a bitter mix of an afterthought and a cut plotline. What was it for? Same goes for the secret society plot. And the main story, including Miranda, is just flat. Writers want us to care for their characters, but with characters being mouthpieces for ideas this is rather hard.

Also, there’s a Theory of Everything is this game. It just is. With it, the Universe is _postulated_ as being fundamentally knowable and understandable, which is unsettling for such a huge philosophical debate. (Put your ad hominem down, I do believe that the world is cognizable, I just don’t think making this a knowable fact is a good choice for this particular game). Moreover, with the Theory of Everything the science is solved. By one person, who consciously excluded their peers out of scientific progress. One person solved science and nowhere in the game is anyone upset about it. Why? Because writers needed a magical solve-all-problems device, and without it nothing would work plot wise. But with it the plot just seems plastic and cheap.

This story has no room for me to challenge it from the inside, it forces me to go and start a one-sided conversation with its authors, which I do not like. In short, it feels rushed, naïve and incomplete. But this is a puzzle game, not a text adventure. So, are the puzzles any good?

Well, I did not like them. I’m not sure if it means that they are bad, but in my opinion, they are somewhat boring. Most of the time solving them feels mechanical, not that much of ah-a! moments for me. More of the “finally, get this, stupid new puzzle element” and “after 500 hours in portal my brain solves this without thinking”. The other category is “to convoluted to be interesting”. But there’s non zero chance this is me and not the game.

Really bad stuff happens between the puzzles, in those huge open spaces. They get old very fast, and fast travel option isn’t helping much. Some regions are almost impossible to navigate even with the compass, and solving for stars just becomes a chore.

Well, most of the game felt like a chore to me. There are other things I’m upset about, like making Athena, seemingly our main character from TTP1, a chosen-one with a God complex (she IS that even without the myth around her) or not including Milton, but otherwise good plot could have made it work. This one did not. It disregards a very personal thing for a fan of the first game – their unique experience. Maybe the new audience will find this alluring. I certainly did not.

[hymnsofheresy]

drop it... i'm struggling to understand so pls drop it. how do you understand the essentiality of sex in female oppression (i do not mean this in like an anti-trans way) but also the essentiality of gender dysphoria and it's connection to gender identity and transphobia. And ultimately how do those thing relate to christianity... especially from a non-protestant christian approach?? I'm sorry i know i just asked a lot.. but i need help understanding. i promise i'm not trying to be mean /g

Firstly, it needs to be known that every single person functions under a variety of paradigms. There is no such thing as an pure unfiltered Christian perspective. There is no monolithic understanding of gender identity amongst trans or cis people. People do not exist in a vacuum, but exist within an intersections of different cultures and worldviews. You and I are likely never going to be able to fully understand anyone's perspective outside of our own. And even our own perspective is hard to grasp sometimes. I will tell you where I am coming from, but I do not expect you to fully understand me.

The Bible verse that I often meditate on a lot is Galatians 3:28. It sets up a variety of dualistic social constructs, and upheavals them. Gender is one of these constructs: "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." This tells us that our intrinsic nature as humans is oneness with God, and everything else are constructs of our humanity, for better or worse.

I am not the only Christian out there who does not see gender roles as God-ordained. There are a lot of saints and Christians in history that don't exactly perform their assigned gender at birth, such as St. Thecla, St. Wilgefortis, Brother Marina, and the Public Universal Friend. And in general the numerous existence of Eunichs (both involuntary and voluntary) in Christian history already disrupted the notions of a strict gender binary.

Fundamentally, I see gender as a construct, a means in which people navigate society. Like all constructions, they tend to be founded on some understanding of material reality. The capacity to reproduce and breastfeed distinguished what makes someone a "woman" in the majority of cultures. Visibly this takes the form of breasts and a vagina/uterus, but in reality, what matters is what breasts and uteri do (or are "supposed" to do). For this reason, I often find it helpful to understand traditional gender as labor categories. The category of "women" historically describes the the workforce of "reproductive labor." As with all labor, within the structures of capitalism (and any other hierarchical societies) reproductive labor is exploited. This is why sex-based oppression is "real."

I see the disruption of our notions of gender as a good thing. It helps us understand that our oppression is not intrinsic, that we don't have to comply with the labor expectations assigned to us through our gender.

I do not really know nor do I really fucking care if gender dysphoria is "essential" or not. What I do know is that dysphoria causes profound suffering for many trans people. I know for certain transitioning, physically and/or socially, can be a euphoric experience for many trans people. To deny trans people a sense of belonging in their own bodies because it makes others uncomfortable is cruel and unnecessary. I think the mere existence of the trans liberation movement helps liberate all people from being coerced or forced into gendered labor.

As for my personal identity, I am a woman because I find solidarity through the label of womanhood, not because I "feel" like a woman. There is nothing "essential" about me that makes me a woman because there is no male or female in Christ Jesus.

Many people do not see me as a woman because I refuse to participate in many aspects of femininity and am not heterosexual. Some people do not see me as a woman because I have "masculine" features due to my higher testosterone levels. And truth be told, I do not give two shits if people do not see me as a woman. I am not a woman for them, I am a woman because I find it to be an effective label to struggle against the patriarchy with. I do not need people to understand my own identity.

[madamlaydebug]

Manifesting doesn’t have to be a ‘woo-woo’ far our there spacey new agey concept that makes people want to puke. It’s essentially a way to wrap up seeing the best in life and using our energy wisely in order to create specific outcomes (no matter what shows up on our shores).

Manifesting is just a fancy term to be consciously aware that our energy always has an outcome. Whatever you put out there comes back to you like a boomerang.

Over the years people have asked me how I became so good at manifesting and I truly believe that by quitting and giving up the following things, my energy field shifted and I started to feel a newfound sense of freedom where things/people/resources and experiences flowed into my current reality with a lot more ease and grace.

So here are 11 Things to Give Up to Manifest Your Desires…

1. GIVE UP THE NEED FOR PERFECTION

Nothing will ever be perfect, it will always present itself in the way it’s meant to. Learning to let go of perfection with the manifesting process can be one of the most freeing and liberating experiences you will have. It also, creates space for non-judgment to reign which is a beautiful thing and frees up the energy for things to manifest in divine timing.

2. GIVE UP CERTAIN LANGUAGE PATTERNS

Get rid of the following words and phrases from your vocabulary…

Hate

I can’t

I won’t

You’re wrong

I’m right

It’s always

Everything always

It’s impossible

It won’t happen

Pretty much anything that makes massive sweeping and limiting statements which prevent you from being open to all possibilities and ways that things can manifest into your life.

3. GIVE UP DRAINING RELATIONSHIPS

You know, the ones that make you feel cruddy. The relationships which aren’t balanced, don’t make you feel good or call out your inner demons. However, instead of quitting them and merely walking away, make sure you dive into the work within the relationship and figure out why the person (or people) push your buttons and figure out whether it’s really real. Hint: Everything is a reflection of you and it’s empowering to see beyond the situation to the soul of the matter.

4. GIVE UP UNHEALTHY FOOD

Junk food is awesome in moderation. However, if all you eat is junk then your vibration will be dull and not able to radiate at the level you know it can. Try eating vibrant and alive foods that are all colours of the rainbow. This will amplify your manifesting powers. The lighter your vibration, the more flow you will have in your life. Thus, the magnetic energy you vibe will be on fire.

5. GIVE UP BAD SLEEP PATTERNS

Your soul needs adequate time to recharge, so getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night will ensure you’re going to be able to thrive during the day and keep radiating the vibes it needs to in order to attract your desires.

6. GIVE UP BEING SUPER-REACTIVE OR DEFENSIVE

Soften up buttercup! This has been a major pattern in my life that I’m in the process of learning. You could be perfectly fine one moment and then swing in the completely opposite direction the next when someone says something that pushes your buttons. There is no need to be defensive, it’s just your ego’s cage getting rattled. Stand back, take a deep breath and don’t let anything mess with your natural state of beautiful alignment.

7. GIVE UP TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE

It’s not your place and it’s an impossible task. End of story.

8. GIVE UP TRYING TOO HARD

Time and time again I hear people saying that they created a vision board and their stuff still hasn’t shown up.

This is usually because people set intentions and then think that simply setting an intention will be enough to open the floodgates for manifesting to happen. This is false.

More often than not people get in their own way and don’t know how to surrender to the process. The old proverb is right: A watched pot never boils.

9. GIVE UP NOT SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH

You are allowed to express yourself in any way you wish. However, if your intentions are off then the Universe will always respond to that accordingly. Remember: Speaking your truth is an act of self love and self care.

10. GIVE UP BELIEVING THE ILLUSION

All of life is an illusion. The only real thing is LOVE. This, however, doesn’t mean that you can’t fully enjoy and have fun with the illusion. It’s a beautiful playground and that’s what we’re here for.

11. GIVE UP THINKING THAT HAPPINESS IS A DESTINATION

You won’t be happy when you lose the weight, land the job, attract the soulmate. What is important is RIGHT NOW. Happiness is all about the journey, because when you get to the desired destination your dreams have usually radically shifted anyway. Enjoy the NOW.

Did you enjoy these? If you did please ‘like’ and ‘share’ to help someone else in your life to see the power they have to manifest their desires.

[kivaember]

Ok so this is a pretty far stretch. What if after the Liberation of Rubicon ending, Rusty survives but is extremely injured and burnt. He’s forced to either be in an AC for the rest of his life or transfer his consciousness into an AI. I know nothing really about the Armored Core universe/lore, but I assume if there’s mobile death machines and AI such as Chatty, there’s tech for humans to become AI or something similar. Regardless, how would your Raven, as well as the other RLF members, react to this info?

hmmm personally i think they'd likely just go with extreme cyborgification if someone's very seriously injured to that point haha. Actually, this is reminding me of an idea I toyed with, where I wanted to write like a twoshot of Rusty surviving LoR, but was essentially crippled, and him slowly working his way back into being a pilot, with all the ups and downs that comes with severe injury.

In that kind of scenario, I'd see the RLF members varying in their response, with some encouraging him to work hard to become a pilot again (bc they need the pilots!!!) and some encouraging him to retire (because he's done enough).

621 would approach the whole thing in a very matter of fact way. rusty tells him he wants to be a pilot again? ok. he'll support. he'll support him by not letting rusty get discouraged and even actively recording his progress too. in a "on this day rusty managed this... next day he managed less... but day after that he managed twice as much as before..." he's very awkward and accidentally insensitive, but he's trying to be encouraging in his own way, and that's enough for rusty (even if some days he does get actively frustrated and snappish... 621 just ignores him then (he isn't perfect... they're both not perfect... they're so messy but they try their best....))

but ok if rusty was digitised and uploaded into STEEL HAZE that would be very sexy of him, and 621 would definitely experiment with the idea of 'can our ACs have sex or at the very least dry hump without everyone hearing the screech of metal on metal for miles around' (the answer is yes, if you're determined enough).

[spiderfreedom]

A lot of gendered dress and behavior is objectively neutral or benign, but turned into something harmful by segregating it.

There is nothing inherently wrong with showing skin. Lots of people find it comfortable to wear clothes that show more skin because it usually gives you more mobility, lets you breathe more, and can feel better. But when women's clothes (and even girl's clothes) show more skin than men's clothes by default, it doesn't feel like it's about comfort anymore, but about sexualization. Not to mention showing more skin is a universal sign of vulnerability.

There is nothing inherently wrong with preferring to wear more covered clothes, either. Many people find the feeling of cloth comfortable and reassuring. It can protect you from the sun. But in conservative cultures, when women are compelled to wear more covered clothing, it is once again no longer about comfort but about sexualization. The female body is deemed inherently sexually attractive (thus dangerous to men) and therefore needs to be covered.

We can go on and on, but I want to talk about something else, which is I sometimes struggle with things that have these powerful gendered signifiers. Like, I appreciate the comfort of a loose swishy dress, but I hate how dresses have come to be representative of womanhood. Sometimes a dress is just the most practical thing to wear for me. At the same time, I resent times I've been forced to wear a dress, I resent how sexualized dresses often are, and I resent the idea of the dress as a symbol of womanhood (often literally - see bathroom signs).

I don't plan on boycotting dresses or feminine-coded things in general, because that's just reactionary. At the same time, it's out of touch with reality to pretend we can fast-forward to living in the gender neutral woman-liberated feminist utopia where all these objects have shed their meanings. We can't pretend things don't have a meaning, even if they shouldn't have that meaning. Some days that meaning won't matter to me, and I'll wear what I find comfy or good-looking. Some days I can't ignore the meaning and I want to push it away as far as I can by wearing so-called "masc" clothing (I hate that term but you get what I mean). I doubt anyone notices or cares, so I can't pretend it's some kind of activism. Sometimes the only thing you have control over is what clothes you wear, and my petty rebellion of the day becomes "I refuse to wear the 'woman-clothing' you want me to wear. I refuse to be pretty, pleasant, 'snatched', hot, or any of the feminine aesthetic tropes you wished I'd embody."

[conscious-thought]

Existence Theory

November 7, 2023

Do you know the reality of this universe? How this universe is made and what this universe is made up of? I had a very interesting thought about the existence of everything we see in this universe.

According to my theory, universe is made up of two things - shiv and shakti, which in western terms we can say matter and energy, or in spiritual terms we can say soul and substance. Shakti is a thing that we can see, feel, hear, taste, and smell with our senses. Every matter (every atom or subatomic particle) is a part of Shakti. Shiv is nothing but emptiness. Shiv is the form of our consciousness - our soul. We know that within an atom, larger amount is just an empty space. That is nothing but Shiv. That is an area which we cannot see, hear, feel, taste or smell with our senses. That is an area where our consciousness lies and and soul resides.

Shiv is always entangled and surrounded by Shakti. This results in greed, angle, lust, ego, and such other bad karmas. We are so much entangled by the material existence (Shakti), we forget to recognize our actual existence in the form of Shiv. The meaning of Shiv is unity. Considering our consciousness as Shiv, we are connected to emptiness of this universe and thus connected to each and every living and non-living things in this universe. Everything is one and one is everything.

During the birth of this universe, two things came into existence, Shiv and Shakti. Humans are capable to understand the existence of Shakti but the concept of Shiv is beyond human's capability. There is multi-dimensional form present in this emptiness which governs the conscious thinking and all other inanimate objects.

Within Shiv, there are certain types of energy flowing that regulates and changes the behavior of our material body. Whoever we meet, whatever we do affects our soul and existence. Due to our Karma and we got stuck within this Shakti and take birth again and again and not able to attain salvation.

Moreover, we know that everything affects another thing in this universe. Every matter, every particle is entangled to another particle. Thus, we have effects of different planets and stars on our life and soul. This indicates that the light or photon has an important role to play in this theory. Light is the only thing that can travel through the vacuum. It does not need any medium to travel. That is the only thing to travel within the Shiv.

In order to get better understanding of the existence, we need to answer some question about Shiv. What is Shiv made up of? What Shiv is? How does light affect Shiv? What does photon do in vacuum? There is much more to discover on this topic. Having thought about this theory will make us to take step towards our liberation from this Shiv-Shakti.

R. R. S.

[kittyandco]

you and hans are the cutest fr. can you tell us a little about your self insert?

THANK YOU 🥺🥺🥺💖 i appreciate that so much!!!

my s/i has had to grow into herself, so to speak, over the years, kind of like my ship in general. hans wasn't always my number one guy -- it took years for us to get to this point, even though, deep down, i always had a feeling that he would be special to me. so my s/i has had a lot of changes.

back when i first started liking him (a while ago now), i didn't make s/is. i just put myself into the universe and followed my f/o around like a lost kitten 😭 it wasn't until i began to realize just how much i liked him that i began to seriously develop my s/i (and this was around the time i began to write real plots and stories for my ships and s/is, only shortly before i had this blog).

like most people, i take a ton of inspiration from my real life experiences to create my s/is. given that this is the s/i i think about the most because i think about hans & i together so much, i'd say she's the most like me. and like most people, i don't know how to exactly describe myself.

the sense of helplessness and restraint that i've felt through a lot of my life heavily influenced my s/i. it's one of the reasons i relate to hans (and anna & elsa) so much (of course, i didn't really get this insight until i read "a frozen heart" last march, which completely changed my perspective on him and on us as a unit... as in, it only made me go "we're really in it now" 😭 which i didn't think was POSSIBLE).

she has all reason to assume the worst in people and in her prospects, but there's a small light that never dims, even if she can't bring herself to show it to others. she experiences great conflict about this, because she doesn't feel like it helps, she doesn't know where to put this light, and she doesn't know if she's capable of holding it anymore. everyone else sees her as the outcast, the anomaly. too smart for her own good. she's never wanted the things everyone else did. over time, she feels as if she wants to embrace that (kind of like hans, though he's much worse off in many ways).

she's fiercely independent and thoroughly observant, and that doesn't bode well for the situation she finds herself in with hans (with the arranged marriage and all, and given his family and my family's reputations, we would be indebted to and controlled by them... pretty much forever).

she finds herself feeling lonely pretty often, given that she can't seem to relate to anyone around her, which has been my experience throughout my life. and anyone she knows will say "i don't know about kitty, she's so quiet and kind of weird," and will assume just... completely unfounded things. i guess they're right. she spends a lot of her time writing, like i do. alone. but hans was always that one exception. meeting as kids, they became best friends so quickly

she's tired of pretending (just like i was)... which culminates into how she reacts to hans' treasonous actions in arendelle. she's always hoped that they would find a way to be together on their own terms -- that string of hope that strangled her all these years -- and now that he has, now that she has the chance to be with her best friend forever, she's going to take it. she tried to stay strong in her solitude (both incidental and enforced at times), but she's grown vengeful, too. no one has ever tended to her the way she needed, the way she begged for... so nothing else matters. she just wants that one thing: unconditional, mutual, understanding, liberating love

she gives me an outlet for all these things, to explore how, when pushed too far as i often have been in my life, i want to lash out too... but i never do. and with this s/i, i get to, along with the guy who i love that gives me that catharsis just through watching him and reading about him. my s/i is the embodiment of "free my man he did all of it but i don't care" and "he did nothing wrong 😇"

there is so much more i could say, evidence of other things about my s/i interwoven into my posts and fics, but i will leave it here for now!