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thebestpartofthecarrotcostume · 3 years

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So I'm getting Invisalign so I figured I'd do a lil weekly update given all my trays are weekly (bar the first, which is two-weekly bc apparently that allows the bones in the mouth time to become accustomed to readjustment and metabolise better for healing or smth fancy)

Disclaimer: this post is longer than upcoming ones as I have to give a bit of history. If you don't care about that bit, skip down to just after the second picture.

So a lil back story is that I have a front tooth moith below the gum line due to a rogue hockey ball and idiot here not wearing a gum guard at 14, so I had a Maryland bridge there that made me super phobic of all my teeth being weak. The bridge was attached to the two adjacent teeth such as the below

And due to my anxiety etc surrounding those teeth, it took the better part of two hours, two dentist opinions on how best to approach, and a lot of drilling to cut the thing apart enough for it to basically pop off. Bc of all of this work, the two adjacent teeth were super bruised, tender and sore, so my experience of the first couple days might not be super relatable. But the rest will, I'm sure. So the gap is filled with a lil composite to create the illusion of a tooth and that's how I have a full mouth of teeth apart from when eating, so that is why Invisalign was such a pro for me, bc the gap is filled for me and gives me 100% more confidence than if I were to have the classic train track braces and just have my gap chilling out in the open.

In addition to all of that, I had had an absolute beating of a hygienist appointment moments before he had to remove the bridge (dental phobic bc of all of the above so I full on avoided a hygienist at all costs for dead they would make my bridge and teeth loose and fall out), so my teeth and gums were also pretty sensitive anyways

Anyway, on to the Invisalign procedure part of this I guess.

So after my teeth were all squeaky clean and prepped, he put a mock-up kind of version of the aligners on to test that they fit (they were snug and felt unpleasant, though this was likely due to the pain and heightened anxiety after two panic attacks that he and the nurse were super supportive through). The he took those out and dried all my teeth with the air blower tool and basically smeared a load of stank ass stuff over the outer surfaces of some of my teeth before putting the dummy retainer on again. This was the process of adding the attachments (the lil 'buttons' of composite that encourage the movement of the teeth at certain angles) to the teeth necessary and then the dental nurse cured it with the blue light. After, they took out the dummy retainer and did the same for the top teeth (with much more pain and tears due to the above work)

Fast forward to me rushing us through the putting in and taking out process due to not wanting to aggravate the bruised teeth and I'm at home sobbing bc I can't get the top aligner out and I have only eaten 900 calories in that and the two days prior to the appointment due to the anxiety (I essentially burnt those calories off in my 10k run day workout the day before, so I was hella tired/in pain/exhausted/running on fumes) and I end up travelling back to the dentist and he basically forced me to take them out and put them back in again until I was comfortable (as could be through the years of pain on the bruised teeth) doing so

Basically: do not leave your dentist until you are confident in taking your aligners out and putting them in.

Tips for removing:

Wash your hands thoroughly!

Hook your nails under the tray lip to remove (I don't think the remover tools are worth wasting money on unless you have nails that have been bitten back so badly that they don't protrude from the finger)

Try to curve the aligner off of the outer edges of the teeth (so essentially pull gently towards your cheek as you pull up at the same time) as this will amke them come off easier as you won't be fighting against the attachments (also reducing the likelihood of a lost attachment and additional dentist trips for reattachment)

Lift both molar sections first

Then try to lift the front section in a oner with fingers 'at your threes' (the third tooth out from the centre on each side, so typically your canines)

At first, you may meet a point of resistance where it hurts too much to remove due to the aligner angle being different due to the backs being unclipped, but push past this point and you'll be fine!

Some people - me and this other dude my dentist has worked with! - find using their tongue for that added push when removing the front section helpful. When I'm at the point of removing with my fingers at my threes (still hooking the aligners away from the teeth to help get over the attachments), I hook my tongue under the lower set and push up as I hook and pull and it pops out way easier!

Tips for inserting:

Wash your hands thoroughly!

Sit the aligner above the teeth

I find it best to click the front section in place first and then do the sides/backs after

To seat it securely, I basically just gently Bute down around my thumb to ensure they're all clicked in and snug against the teeth

Chewies are raved about in vlogs about Invisalign and I held off buying any bc good ones are quite expensive, but I found them to be unnecessary. I don't hurt my thumbs by chewing down on them, I have zero skin breakage/bruising from doing it. But they are an option if you don't want to do that and are happy to replace them as they don't always last long

The initial discomfort of the aligners being inserted lasted maybe a couple days, and it probably took about a week for me to get used to speaking with them in enough to not lisp like a trooper. And to get used to having the aligners was maybe three days

You will hypersalivate for the first day or so so have a tissue/towel on hand for removing bc it gets everywhere!

I don't eat with mine in, and I only drink cordial (squash/diluting juice) through a straw with them in to avoid staining (super lucky I don't drink hot drinks tbh as they stain worse). If you do do hot drinks, be mindful that the aligners are only palstic and will warp with extreme heat, so cool your drinks or remove the aligners to drink hot drinks (but remember that 22 hours of wear a day is a lot when you have to factor in three meals a day and brushing, so maybe try to time hot drinks with your meals)

Keep what I refer to as 'dental go bags' in a few common places as you need to have perfectly clean teeth before putting your aligners in as they will trap any bacteria food in there that would usually be flushed away with saliva/drinking

This is my handbag one so it also has a straw handy. I keep a travel toothbrush (sensitive/soft bristled bc your teeth are sensitive with braces), toothpaste, travel mouthwash (which I'll just refill with my usual mouthwash once it's empty but I needed the bottles for convenience) and floss. I keep one in my handbag, one in my uni bag, and one in my work bag. I also have straws and toothbrushes stashed at both my parents' houses in case I've nipped over there and don't have one of my bags with me

A water flosser is super helpful! Would recommend 100%! I have this one as it runs on the mains and has a larger water tank so I don't have to worry about refilling during cleaning or guessing the charge, both of which people mention as negatives with the portable ones, but these are a cheaper option and still do the same job!

If you don't eat breakfast, you probably will now bc the hassle for a snack is long! Take out aligners, fully clean teeth (meaning you need a sink available), replace aligners = a two-minute snack taking 10-15 minutes depending on how rigorous you are with your cleaning and how easily/quickly you can remove your aligners

Try to remember to pack your Invisalign container with you so you don't damage/lose your aligners when taking them out to eat (they're clear, so they blend in a little. I'm lucky my pontic makes mine fractionally more visible tb) and if you routinely use several different bags then maybe invest in a few snack tubs that will fit your aligners in

After removing, give your aligners a swill under water and a quick brush to remove any calcium build-up etc from your saliva and residue from any drinks. I do this every time I remove, and once a night I soak them in in a mixture of bicarbonate of soda and water (maybe half a cup of lukewarm water to a third of a teaspoon of bicarb) to remove any bacteria as brushing them with toothpaste can be abrasive and wear down the aligners. And the cleaning crystals they give you are way more expensive than a tub of bicarb. I checked with my dentist what the safest alternative was and this was his advice, he said not to bother with steradent/denture tablets like some people use (I can't remember why this was though)

Your teeth will be sensitive when you remove your aligners so do be mindful not to go chomping on the hardest things out there, and that extreme temperatures/sugars can aggravate them. I asked my dentist as I'd noticed sugar sensitivity that I'd never had before and apparently this is just my personal reaction to orthodontic movement as my teeth and enamel are perfectly healthy

I change to my second set of aligners on Monday so I will try to update then

If anyone has any questions, I'm happy to answer where I can!

For reference, here are my teeth pre-bridge removal and pre-invisalign

Here is how my teeth look with my Invisalign and its lil baby pontic

#invisalign #jess' Invisalign experience #aligner #retainer #braces #teeth #pontic #dentist #orthodontics #info

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animeheadcannoncentral · 4 years

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NSFW ENJI (Endeavor) X READER ONESHOT

Business/CEO A/B/O AU - this just popped into my head and turned into a 10 Chapter fic you can read on Ao3: “Hidden Flowers”

Warnings: smut, Dom Enji, sub reader, rough sex, A/B/O dynamics, alpha Enji, omgega reader, alpha Toshinori, heat cycles, dirty talk

Words: 5k

(Y/N) checked her emails one final time, ensuring nothing new had come through in the last three minutes that needed her boss’s attention. She picked up the file she had organised for the day, shuffling the papers into a neat stack before rising to her feet, straightening out her clothes and marching towards the CEO’s office. She opened the door without knocking, an action that he had told her to forego many years ago, she was his secretary after all, if she had something urgent to tell him, there was no point in wasting time knocking on the door. And he also didn’t need to burden of someone knocking on his door fifty times a day. The red head was on the phone when she entered, this scene wasn’t uncommon, some days he scarcely got away from the damn thing.

Closing the door behind her, she walked up to his desk and placed the pile of papers down on his right before walking to a white board and started neatly writing out the day’s major meetings.

“I don’t care about the cost, how long will it take to get it up and running again?” Enji sighed into the phone as he noted down the time frame.

“Is there another company that can fix it faster?” she turned back and saw he was looking at her. He’d asked both her and the person on the other end of the call, he just knew she’d come up with a solution faster.

“Mack Plus have the best engineers, Trencher Co. will be quickest but they fixed that unit previously and it’s broken again, I would suggest Wheels Down Inc as nothing they’ve fixed has broken again and it will be fixed within the week” she spilled out, she’d read the email about the mining vehicle break down this morning and immediately looked at the data for previous break downs. The man nodded and wrote it down, whilst also rolling his eyes at whoever was on the other end of the call.

“(Y/N) will send through contact details for further correspondence with Wheels Down Inc, let me know once the machine’s operating again” and the CEO hung up.

“Fucking useless” Enji muttered as he started going through his emails, “got any good news?” he asked.

“Stocks are up again today?” she tried which resulted in a small smirk from him.

“And you only have one meeting currently locked in today as well, however it is with a major shipping company that we’ve been trying to create a deal with for the past five years” she frowned a little at the last part.

“I said good new (Y/N), not mediocre news” he sighed.

“It’s their new CEO, so I guess a new chance to make good impressions” she tried again.

“That’s why I’m putting you on the front line”

“I’ll do my best Sir” putting the whiteboard marker down and turning back to him.

“Have you found anything of use in Yagi’s background?” he asked as he started going through the files she had left on his desk.

“Nothing of particular use. The problem is he seems completely different to his father, since he’s taken leadership, the company has become heavily involved in charity work. Regardless of whether it was his intention or not, the shipping company has gained a huge amount of positive press. I found nothing on Yagi himself, the only thing you can really play into in this deal is the ‘make the world a better place’ because even after a deep dive on his history, I couldn’t find anything to suggest he wants anything else” she explained with a shrug.

“How do our eco stats look?” he questioned.

“Favourable, we’ve cut emissions by seventy-five percent with the new machine’s we’re using, and with the new sonar tech that’s been implemented we’ve reduced habitat loss due to our companies’ procedures by nearly ninety percent. The rest of the report is on page five” she was confident as he went through the papers and pulled out the report.

“Increase public profile” the red head raised an eyebrow at the short list of suggestions she had made.

“It can’t hurt Sir, becoming more involved with the local community could see a potential increase of upwards of twenty percent in sales”.

“At what cost?” he put the paper aside, knowing she would be able to give him a clearer answer than the document.

“Time, funding, man power” she was curt, the CEO didn’t like wishy washy explanations.

“The board won’t like that” it was a statement.

“Can’t make an omelette and all that” she shrugged and he eyed her. She had never been wrong when it came to giving suggestions or advice on what was best for the company. She would voice her opinion on occasion, when she knew she was completely in the right. It was one of the many reasons Enji kept her as his secretary and refused to promote her to a section manager, not to mention the ridiculous bonuses that he forked out to her at the end of each year for her work. She were too goddamn valuable, and unlike many of his employees, she wasn’t afraid of him. The alpha was used to people grovelling at his feet, begging and pleading for whatever it was that they wanted at the time, usually sex or money, even employment. Enji Todoroki was one of the strongest alpha’s out there, hell, he was so intoxicating some alphas had even begged him to use them. But she wasn’t like them, it was almost as if she couldn’t smell pheromones, he was almost convinced that she in fact couldn’t, going by the amount that he had released around her in the beginning to test her.

When he’d first met her, he was shocked by her professionalism, she didn’t seem to care that he was an alpha and she wasn’t deterred when he borderline threatened her during the job interview. Hell, he didn’t even know what her secondary gender was, her CV states that she’s a beta, but the way she acted sometimes, she could convince anyone she was born an alpha. She wouldn’t take shit from anyone, and she certainly wouldn’t let him dish it out to her either, or if he did, she’d give it straight back and usually be right, and always got away with it. It’s why he respected her so much and hadn’t tried to come onto her once, also because he was more attracted to submissives, and she were far from it. She took suppressants, that much he was sure off, she never smelled like anything, and she didn’t give off any scent at all, ever.

“When’s the meeting?” he asked.

“In thirty minutes” she said as she turned to leave.

“You better get to it then” he mused.

“You don’t have to tell me twice” she gave a small smile and then exited the room. She made her way down to the lobby of the building to greet Mr Yagi on his arrival, just in case he was early. And wouldn’t you know it, this ball of sunshine was always early. He walked through the front doors to the building not two minutes after she had walked out of the elevator. She lifted her shoulders, stood up straight and approached the man with confidence.

“Mr Yagi, I’m (Y/N), Mr Todoroki’s secretary, it’s an honour to meet you” she put on a bright smile upon reaching him and what must have been his secretary. It wasn’t until she reached them that she realised how god damn tall the man was in person. Sure, Enji was tall, but for some reason, this man’s height stuck out to her. And they were both businessmen, so how the fuck did they both luck out in the looks, smarts, height and muscles departments?! It just wasn’t fair. Forget about triple threat, these men were quadruple threats. They covered all fronts.

Then to her surprise, he actually offered her a hand to shake with a genuine smile.

“Thank you for greeting us, this is my secretary Izuku, we’re so glad Enji was kind enough to host this meeting” his voice was deep, but kind and polite as she shook his hand, referring to the greenette beside him. She glanced at the young man before returning her attention back to the alpha in front of her.

She had never met a business partner this kind-hearted before, the business world didn’t usually allow his kind to thrive, but here he was, the CEO of the world leading shipping company. Without even realising it her cheeks flushed a light shade of red and she felt her heart rate increase, and of course, her scent glands started aching as they tried to release pheromones. Luckily, her suppressants were working for now, but it was then that she caught his scent, everything went blurry for a second and she lost focus.

“Are you alright Ms (Y/N)?” he asked, gently stabilizing her by her shoulders. She cursed herself, why did her body have to react to an alpha now of all times?

“I’m so sorry, Mr Yagi, and (Y/N) is just fine” she smiled up at him, puffing out her chest a bit and stabilising her footing.

“Please, call me Toshinori” he corrected her and she was slightly stunned for a moment. Every single business partner she’d ever introduced had always treated her like trash on the side walk, scarcely giving her the time of day. She’d be lucky if she even got a grunt of acknowledgment from them.

“If you’d kindly follow me” she said and turned to lead the way. Taking the chance to scoff at herself and attempt to pull herself together, an attempt that miserably failed when Mr Yagi insisted on maintaining small talk then entire elevator ride. He was just being a human being, asking how her day was going, how long she’s been working at the company, if she enjoyed working here. She could feel her temperature rising with each question he asked, and pain started erupting in her abdomen.

“Please follow me” she said politely, stepping out of the elevator cursing herself, she was going into her heat early, and she was pretty damn sure it was because of the presence of this alpha. She guided the CEO and his secretary to an empty meeting room.

“Please wait in here for just a moment, Mr Todoroki will join you shortly” she said before closing the door. Her head was starting to spin and the pain was growing from annoying to uncomfortable ridiculously fast. She maintained her composure as she walked into her small office, quickly taking some pain killers with half a litre of water. She ruffled through her draws as she looked for her EpiPen, her heart skipping a beat when she couldn’t find it. She knew she had one here for emergencies. The omega let out a sigh of relief when her hand glided over it. Quickly removing the cap and injecting herself with more suppressors that would hopefully stop the effects of her early oncoming heat for at least the next few hours. She took three deep breaths before exiting her office and entering Enji’s.

As soon as the door opened, a wave of pheromones hit the CEO. His brow furrowed in anger. His employees knew better than to come to work during rutting or heat cycles, it decreased everyone’s productivity.

“Get the fuck out of…” his eyes had been fixed on the computer when he glanced at the intruder. “…(Y/N)?” he looked taken aback. There was no way she was an omega. She always held herself like an alpha, how the hell was this strong, independent woman a fucking omega? However, he couldn’t deny that her scent was causing blood to flow straight to his cock.

“But you’re not supposed to be off til next week” he went to check his calendar.

“I know, it’s come on early” she let out a stuttered sigh as the drugs finally started to set in.

“I’ve taken some emergency suppressors, my hormones should level out in the next minute or so. I um, Toshi… I mean, Mr Yagi and his secretary are in the meeting room” she shook her head at herself. It was then that everything clicked for Enji and a smile crossed his face as he rose from his seat.

“He’s sent you into an early heat, hasn’t he?” the alpha’s voice was low, but there was a hint of playfulness behind it. She ground her teeth, refusing to answer the question, instead choosing to look away. He approached her, a smirk still playing on his lips, instead of walking through the door, he shut it, as he caged her between his arms.

“You know better than to not respond when I ask you a question, omega” he let the work hang in the air, testing her boundaries. Her brow furrowed and she glared up at him.

“You don’t get to call me that” she growled at him, then noticing that he was purposely releasing pheromones to try and rile her up. If she hadn’t just shot herself up with enough suppressants for a week, she would probably have slick running down to her ankles by now. Her boss was unfairly attractive.

“Answer the question (Y/N)” he leaned close to whisper into her ear.

“So, what if he has?” she burst out, ducking out from under his arms and walking across the room, folding her arms, “All he did was smile at me and I lose control, what the fuck is wrong with me?” she sighed angrily rubbing her temples.

“When was the last time you properly went through a heat?” Enji asked her, she looked back at him to see a genuinely concerned face. When she had taken her mandatory time off for her mating cycle she never stopped responding to emails, most people wouldn’t touch their computers during the height of a mating cycle, it all became too much, but she was always online, which told him that she probably hadn’t let her body go through a normal cycle in a while.

“I don’t know, during high school, like eight or nine years ago” she shrugged and the CEO just blinked at her in shock.

“I had more important things on my mind” she shied away from his judging look.

“That’s still a long time” he pushed.

“It’s not like I had an alpha to help me through one!” she suddenly shouted at him, she stared him down for a moment before realising what she’d just said and who she had just said it to.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, that’s not your fault, nor something you should worry about, fuck I hate this” she muttered.

“(Y/N), be honest with me, have you ever been through a proper heat?” he asked, when she turned to him this time, there was nothing but concern in his face.

“No” she didn’t make eye contact with him, but she had no reason to lie to him. Enji hated how submissive she was being, this wasn’t her at all, while a dark part of him did want her begging for his cock, he hated seeing her looking so vulnerable, he wanted to protect her, to make her feel safe.

“Look, I’m going to be really selfish now, but if you think you can handle staying for the meeting then I could really use your help. If not, I’m also more than happy for you to go home. But you’re going home before lunch today either way and I strongly advise you don’t take any more suppressants” he paused for a moment, as if trying to word something correctly, “What I’m about to say, I’m saying as a friend, not your boss, if you need help getting through it, i can help you. But who knows, maybe you might actually be able to get his number and he can help you” the alpha growled slightly at that last part, admitting and acknowledging that he wasn’t the one to set off your heat. Although to be fair, he hadn’t purposefully released any pheromones around you since you had your job interview with him. The girl let out a sigh and composed herself, straightening out her shoulders.

“I’m staying for the meeting” he knew she would, “but I am not going through a full heat” she said firmly, walking past him.

“(Y/N)!” he was about to say more, but she had already walked out the door, heading towards the meeting room. She opened the door and put a smile on.

“So sorry to keep you waiting” she apologised.

“That’s quite alright” Toshinori smiled back at her, however he noticed that she was no longer producing the lovely pheromones that he knew he had set off. Was the girl taking suppressors? He was certain he had set off an early heat, that fact that she was supressing it frustrated him. He loved seeing a flustered omega, especially one who was normally kept together as this one appeared to be. She was going to pose a challenge, and Toshinori was going to have fun pulling her apart and turning her into his little slut. The thought had him half hard in his pants. This omega was going to belong to him, one way or another.

Enji followed her into the room. The two CEO’s shook hands and introduced themselves to each other before commencing the meeting. (Y/N) was a sharp as ever, handing Enji the correct documents when they came up in conversation and was able to provide any information when called upon. Izuku wasn’t as sharp as she was, but still maintained a professional standard and look about him, the boy certainly didn’t let the woman’s sheer dominance fluster him. The meeting went as well as it could have, they both signed a contract of partnership, so it went better than both parties were expecting. Seeing her in action just made Toshinori want her more. She was professional, sharp and confident, and he wanted to be the one to own her, to see her trembling underneath him, begging for his cock. Somehow, all four of them managed to remain professional throughout the entire meeting, there were no sly words with hidden meaning, and (Y/N) was thankful for that.

Enji Todoroki was never one to escort his guests out himself, it just wasn’t a thing that he did. So, he left the meeting as he usually would with a ‘pleasure doing business with you’, but he purposefully changed the wording on the following sentence ‘my secretary will get you anything you need before you go’. She burned holes into his back as he exited the room. She was going to kill him. The next morning’s headlines would read, ‘Secretary jailed for attempted murder of her boss’. She sighed, shaking her head slightly.

“Midoriya, go wait outside, I’ll be down shortly, I just need to go over a few things with (Y/N) before we leave” the tall blonde uttered to his secretary.

“Of course Sir” the boy said before he exited the room. Toshinori’s eyes didn’t leave (Y/N)’s, who still had her business face on. He couldn’t read her. This was going to make things more difficult. After seeing her in action, he wanted her even more, and without even realising it, his pheromones radiated off him. But she was acting as if she couldn’t sense them, which pissed him off.

“What can I help you with, Sir?” she asked, her tonne polite, but holding no emotion behind it. Unlike their first interaction where she put on a sweet, warm smile for him, she was bitterly cold now, purposely trying to shut him out.

“I don’t like corporate titles, I told you to call me by my first name” he sighed, rising form where he was sitting, she was going to be more of a challenge then he originally thought. That was fine, he was actually excited.

“Is there anything I can get you, Toshinori” she said softly, not removing herself from her seat as the man walked around the table removing something from his pocket. He handed the small piece of paper to her.

“You seem like a very professional woman, so I hope you don’t take offense to this, but here’s my number, I’d love to catch up for a coffee sometime” he said with a smile and she took the paper from him carefully, the man was letting off an absurd amount of pheromones which were causing her to literally burn off the suppressants she’d taken no more than two hours ago.

“I…uh…” she tried to respond, but the alpha gripped onto the side of her chair, leaning over her to whisper in her ear.

“Let me know if you need any help with your heat, something tells me you’ve never had an alpha look after you properly before” he growled lowly in his chest before pulling away and walking out of the room with a smirk on his face.

Once she finally recovered, she heaved herself out of the chair and found that her panties were completed soaked through, luckily it hadn’t yet soaked through to her actual pants yet. She made a quick dash to her office before closing the door behind her. She turned the internal heater on and grabbed the emergency blanket from the bottom draw, wrapping it around herself and hiding in a bundle under the desk with her laptop as she continued to work, hoping it would distract her from the slick pool that was growing around her cunt and the immense pain growing in her lower abdomen. At about three in the afternoon an email came into the inbox that needed the CEO’s immediate attention. She was too worn out by that stage to register that he had told her to go home and she probably shouldn’t be working at all. She flicked the email to him without a second thought.

Upon receiving said email, Enji’s brow furrowed, she should have been home by now. He quickly opened the door to his office just to check she had in fact gone home, letting out a low growl when he noticed her light was still on. He stormed across the corridor and opened the door, a wave of sickly sweet pheromones hitting him all at once. He was confused when he didn’t see her sitting at the desk, she had to be in the room, there was no way the place smelled this sweet without her being in there. He closed the door behind him and walked around the desk to find her nesting. His first thought was to yell at her for not listening to him and also for using the goddamn office to nest. But then he saw she was shaking as she tried to type out an email, it took a moment for her to noticed him crouching there looking at her incredulously.

“I told you to go home” he rumbled deeply, and she winced.

“I… I can’t walk” she admitted, refusing to make eye contact with him. Something burned inside him, obviously that alpha had said something to her to set her off again, and then just goddamn left her. It infuriated him, sure he’d done the same thing to plenty of omega’s before, but this was his…, no not his, this was (Y/N).

“I want you to send a message out to all staff working today and inform them that they can knock off” he said calmly. She was confused by the instruction, but took a minute to type out the message and sent it on his behalf.

“Now close the laptop and give it to me” he said gently, and she cautiously complied, handing him the laptop before he placed it on the desk over her.

“Come here” he motioned towards himself, and she went to move, but her eyes widened in panic and she returned to the way she was sitting, confusing the alpha who was doing everything in his power not to just grab her and knot her right there.

“If I move, it’s gonna run” she whispered, his face scrunched up in confusion for a second.

“What’s gonna…” he stopped short, she was worried about her slick. She really had never gone through her heat’s properly before, she was embarrassed by something that was normal, something that made him almost lose control and show her just how normal it was.

“That’s okay, it’s normal” he said, still offering his hand to her, she looked at him then, searching his eyes that were looking at her with kindness. There was no malicious intent behind them. She slowly reached for his hand and crawled out of her makeshift nest, pausing for a moment when slick gushed down her thigh, before continuing to crawl out from under the desk. Enji noticed she was clutching her stomach the entire time. She lifted her face up to look at him, she had tears in her eyes.

“Enji, can you please…” she paused trying to think things through, “can you please fuck me?” a tear rolled down her cheek when she said that and the alpha wasn’t’ sure if she was crying from the pain or from giving in. He unintentionally started releasing pheromones, having an omega so close to him, and especially considering that omega was clearly under a lot of stress, his instincts were taking over.

The omega couldn’t help herself when she caught his scent, she latched onto him, rubbing her face into his chest, taking in as much of it as possible. Seeing how well she responded to his pheromones, Enji started released them in waves and the little omega in his arms sighed and then started doing something he thought she’d ever do. She had split her legs over one of his muscled thighs and was rubbing herself on it. If he hadn’t been stiff before, he was definitely rock hard now. The omega was whimpering with each thrust of her hips, and soon enough, Enji could feel his pants becoming covered in her slick. He would never allow an omega to dry hump him like this, but she looked so goddamn perfect as she chased her orgasm on his thigh. He ran a hand through her hair, gently tilting her head back, forcing her to look up at him.

“Are you enjoying yourself? Little omega?” he asked lowly, she let out a moan then made eye contact with his stone-cold eyes, that screamed indifference.

“Please…” she whimpered, by the way she was shaking, he could tell she was close.

“Please what?” his eyes narrowed as he looked down at her.

“Can I p-please c-cum, alpha?” she begged, and something stirred in him, maybe she was a submissive after all. And as much as that excited him, he wasn’t going to be cruel to her right now, he had promised to help her after all. So many dirty things flooded into his head to respond with, but he wasn’t sure if they’d scare her off or turn her on. He decided teasing her was the best way to go.

“You’re so close already, and I haven’t even touched you” he mused, easily picking her up off his thigh and placing her in his lap, she let out a moan as she rubbed herself against his clothed erection.

“Good omegas look at their alphas when they cum” he whispered in her ear and then leant back into the chair, to watch her as she came undone. The girl did her best to look at the alpha as she rode out her orgasm, but her head titled back in euphoria at the height of her orgasm causing Enji to bite his lip to try and control himself. She was going to send him into an early rutt if he wasn’t careful. The girl was shaking as she came down from her high, however, her eyes widened slightly when she comprehended what she’d just done and she quickly looked away, causing Enji to smirk at her expression.

“Come now, you enjoyed yourself, didn’t you, (Y/N)?” he asked, gently grasping her chin and guiding her head to look at him.

“Yes, but…” she trailed off.

“But what?” he asked curious, although, the alpha was well aware of the answer, he just wanted to hear her say it.

“You’re my boss and I just, oh my god” she hid her face in his chest and he chuckled deeply.

“If it’s any consolation, I’m thoroughly enjoying this” he looked down at her to see her flash dagger eyes at him before she doubled over, whimpering in pain as she clutched her stomach.

“I can make the pain go away, you just have to ask” he whispered into her ear. She lost all normal sense as her instincts took over.

“Please fuck me, please alpha, I need your cock, use my cunt, please” she begged and a thrill rushed through Enji’s body.

“You’re so pretty when you beg” he trailed his hands down her body, hooking them under her thighs and lifting her up before easily manoeuvring her onto the desk. He rolled her pants and panties down to her ankles in one go, and was pleased to see that she had removed her shirt when he looked back up and was in the process of removing her bra, before laying down and displaying herself to him.

“Sir, please, I need your thick cock inside me, please fuck me” she begged again, looking him the eyes, on the verge on tears. The alpha released his hard cock from his restrictive clothing, stroking himself as he watched the omega writhe below him. It was a dream come true, seeing her beg for him like that, and it was taking his last piece of self-control not to dive in and fuck her immediately. He leant down over her, slapping his cock against her cunt, teasingly as he gently moved his hand to stroke her face, she nuzzled into his palm.

“Alpha, please, use me for your pleasure, I’m yours, please alpha, please” she begged again, attempting to thrust her hips upwards to gain any form of friction. Enji’s last fibre of constraint snapped, and with no warning, he thrust into the hilt and his omega let out a scream a pleasure. Even though this was her first time, there was enough slick pouring out of her cunt that his massive tool didn’t hurt her, it stretched her perfectly and hit all the right places as Enji started to thrust in and out of her cunt.

“Fuck… your cock… mhmm, feels so good, alpha, do whatever you want with me” she panted as he rammed into her. It was invitation Enji realised. He smirked as he gripped her throat with his free hand, and she let out a whine. Gently running her hand up and down his arm, encouraging to grip her neck tighter.

“Do you like that, little slut?” he whispered into her ear, and she nodded, her hips thrusting up to meet his.

“Good pets reply when they’re asked a question” he sneered, gripping her neck like a vice.

“Yes daddy… I love it when you choke me” she managed to wheeze out using the little oxygen that she had left in her lungs. Her words were nearly enough to send him over the edge.

“You’re such a filthy omega, I bet you’d do anything to please your alpha” he growled as he pulled his hand away from her throat, hooking one arm behind her back, the other under her thighs so he could lift her up. Her legs wound around his waist, arms hooking around his neck as he fucked up into her cunt, using gravity to enhance the angle.

“Mhm… anything to please you, anything, use me as your cock sleeve, I’ll be your cum dump, I want to satisfy you, please Enji” she moaned into his chest. This omega was going to be the death of him. She’d used his name, which meant that there was truth behind what she was saying. He could feel his knot starting to swell up.

“Fuck, you dirty whore, if you don’t stop talking like that, I’m going to knot you” he growled.

“But I mean it Sir, i need you to use me, I could keep your cock warm during long phone calls, mhmmm, you could come in here and fuck me whenever you wanted to, I need to pleasure you, please alpha” she whined.

“I bet you’d even let me fuck you in the middle of a meeting, wouldn’t you? Fuck. You’re mine. You’re my pretty little cum dump. You are mine, all mine” he growled possessively, thrusting deeply into her. It was enough to send her over the edge into an earth shattering orgasm, screaming his name as she clenched around his cock. He was patient and waited until she came down from her high.

“Alpha” she whispered in a sighed, he grunted, informed he was listening.

“Do you want to cum in my mouth or my ass?” she asked with a sly grin and he smirked, this omega had stamina, and the fact that she could keep up with him just made her that more attractive.

“All fours, face down, ass up” he ordered as he placed her on the ground. Oh and did she move quick for him.

“You’re such a perfect little omega for me” he cooed to her as he knelt down behind her, hotdogging her ass with his slick covered dick, using the slick build up to cover his knot.

“Please, use me alpha, I’m all yours” she begged.

“You’ve cum twice now, and you still want my cock. You greedy bitch” he growled, thrusting inside her back entrance, forcing his knot inside, scraping against her walls. The omega beneath him let out a muffled scream of pain.

“If it’s too much for you, I can take it out” he wasn’t being kind, he was teasing her as he fucked her ass. (Y/N) pulled her teeth from her arm and panted before responding.

“I’ll take your cock whenever you give it to me alpha. My perfect, handsome, strong alpha. I’ll give you anything, I’d do anything to please you. I belong to you” she moaned, it was enough to send him over the edge.

“Fuck (Y/N)” he muttered, with one deep thrust, he poured his seed into her ass with a guttural moan.

“Thank you alpha” the omega whispered as he slowly rotated her on his cock so she was facing him before picking her up and sitting down in the chair as they waited for his knot to shrink.

“You were so good for me” he cooed, continuing to whisper soft nothings into her ear as she leant against his chest.

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meichenxi · 3 years

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Hi!! I'm a college student about to graduate and my dream is to teach English in China and I was wondering if you could somehow help me and give me some advice. I have been studying Chinese during my years at university (and I love your blog!), along with my physics degree. I don't know if any of this is relevant but my level of Mandarin is not very high (HSK3), I study in the UK and I'm planning to get a TEFL 120 hour certification in June. Is this a solid plan? Love your blog, Isa

Hiii! Sorry it took me so long to get to this, I have my final exams at the moment and am on semi-hiatus. First, what an amazing dream!! You'll have a wonderful time :D

SO in general having a degree not in English language and a TEFL certificate is most definitely enough to secure you a job, but at the moment it is a rather 'special period', as every job advert says, and so finding a job is a little trickier because of visa problems.

Basically, there are no work or study visas available at the moment for people from the UK. The only people who can get into China are those who the Chinese Embassy deems 'foreign experts' and therefore 'crucial to China's progress', and your company or school will have to provide something called a PU letter. This grants you the ability to actually apply for the work visa, though itself doesn't grant it. At the moment there aren't that many companies available who can offer that.

Because of this, I'd recommend going through a recruitment company. I do not necessarily mean a graduate scheme (the ones advertised as such are not very well paid and you don't have much control over where you go), but a recruitment company. You can find these on any general site if you google 'ESL jobs China'.

In terms of actual jobs - generally speaking there are three categories, private language schools, state schools, and international schools. International schools are by far the best in terms of packages, but they rarely take graduates without 3 years of teaching experience. The good news is that if you do find somebody who is looking for recent grads (if you go to a particularly prestigious university like Oxbridge, for instance), you might be able to teach Physics or Science rather than English language. International schools will also be the easiest to deal with in terms of communication and visa applications, but the competition is quite stiff, and most people who apply will be teachers in their home countries already.

State schools are another good option if you want 'normal' teaching hours, good holidays, and older children. The position I have next year is in a good state school that has two programs, the Canadian curriculum and the GaoKao (the Chinese university entrance exam). The main disadvantage is that you may be the only foreigner in the school, and communication might be difficult. I don't just mean with Chinese but in general: you will be not told things, you will be excluded, you will turn up to your class and find someone else teaching it and be told just to go back to your office. If you can be flexible and have an open mind, state schools are great, but they may be quite exhausting especially if this is your first time in China. You will also have to teach to exams, and the curriculum might be tight. For me personally though, I would much rather teach in a state school than the next option -

Which is private language schools. These are very good - sometimes. This is the main problem: the quality of the schools, the teaching, and the ethos all vary from school to school. You may be teaching very young children, and you may be teaching exclusively in the evening. The schools may be very supportive of creativity in the classroom, or you may be literally forced to teach the flashcards they give you. The plus about these schools is that they often have competitive relocation packages, are not too bothered about how experienced (or not) you are, and that there will be a community of other English speaking colleagues (natives and not) to help you integrate.

The reason I add this is that it's so, so important. It's very laudable and easy to wish for immersion and want to make Chinese friends - and you should!! - but living in another country without easy access to internet you are used to can be exhausting at times and even the staunchest believer in immersion is going to be stressed and tired and teary far from home. Having colleagues who want to improve their English can also be a good basis for a (somewhat awkward at first) friendship.

Some general tips: brush up on your English grammar. Seriously. Because the amount of teachers who have no idea and bluff their way through it is shocking and disrespects those who try very hard to make it a proper profession. Also having students ask you when you use the present perfect continuous and the present perfect simple and not knowing the answer is a very special kind of pain!! I'd recommend bringing a reputable grammar book with you, and using it when making your lesson plans.

Re Chinese: if you already have a little, your Chinese will improve so much when you're there!! Don't stress about it because China is a wonderful environment for learning - it's literally perfect, few people speak English and EVERYBODY wants to speak to you as many people are direct and very curious - but at the same time, the more you can learn, the easier it will be. Don't neglect your characters!! Learning useful menu characters and signs will be hugely helpful too. You won't need Chinese in your job really, but you definitely will in your daily life, so well done for learning and keep at it!!

The other thing I would say is: sort out your music and your social media and your banking before going to China. This includes a good VPN. You can't download apps on the google App Store, and to make the transition to the Chinese internet easier, I'd recommend getting a Weibo account, any music app, Baidu translate and maps and so on, and accustoming yourself to that before going.

Re where you are going and the package: you should have your flight paid, help with your visa, and transparency about quarantine procedures. You should also have accommodation or an accommodation allowance of between 2000-5000 (2000 is more than fine). Public or international schools may pay for your food during school-time as well. Re cities: prioritise what is important to you. If you want to save, bear in mind that China is extraordinarily cheap and that even in places like Shanghai, you can still save a lot if you live somewhat sensibly. To give you some context: I lived in Tianjin, a second-tier city, and I got 'pocket money' of 2000 every month (with accommodation and food paid), and I managed to save enough to do martial arts for a month at an academy after 5 months. And I was living well - going out about twice a week, taking taxis, eating out almost every evening (cheap food). So don't prioritise one position over another solely because of money, and also bear in mind kindergarten teachers may only be getting about 2000-3000 a month - so regardless of whether you earn 10,000 or 15,000, it's a) SIGNIFICANTLY enough to live very well and save very well too, and b) considerably more than many of your coworkers will be earning.

Also, different cities have different costs of living: 10,000 somewhere like Hangzhou will go considerably further than 16,000 in Shanghai. Another thing to bear in mind is the air quality, and the environment, and the access to green spaces. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THIS. If this is important to you, go somewhere smaller or in the south with access to nature - I nearly went crazy living in such a big city with such poor air quality. The positions I had to choose between were one in Shanghai, better paid and at a better school, and a position in Zhuhai in a campus in the mountains, in a third-tier city by the sea. I know now how important green is to me, how much I prefer a more relaxed pace of life, and so I chose the latter.

Lastly, don't be intimidating and don't be afraid to ask questions about your job. Make sure that everything they say is in the contract, in both the English version and the Chinese version. This is important because only the Chinese version is legal, so if you have a friend, get them to check that the same stuff is in each bit of the contract. Communication might be difficult, but don't be afraid to be direct and press for answers, don't just accept what you're told. You might be messed around with a bit, so it's important to 'shop around' for positions - don't feel bad if you do so, and don't be afraid to turn things down that don't suit. Finally, don't feel terrified if you can't find information about a school online - a lot of stuff isn't on Google, and will also be better accessed via WeChat or mini programs. Not finding information about your school or city does not mean it doesn't exist!!

So be prepared for a wild ride - and enjoy! If you have any more questions about any of this, please feel free to ask at any time!

meichenxi out :P

#advice #esl #teaching esl #askies #esl in china

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iraqueer · 2 years

Text

So my mother-in-law has an infected tooth and she has a couple of implants that are loose and she has the entire top row of her teeth the bridge fell out. So I'm trying to find her a dentist to take care of all of this for her. she wants a price before hand of course no one will give you a price until they come and see you and she wants to know how much it'll cost before going there. because "they'll just take your 200 to talk to you and won't even do anything and refer you out anyway to scam you" like sure that's the system and it sucks but your fucking tooth is infected. so I've been calling a bunch of different dentist to see how much they charge generally for certain procedures the entire time I'm getting berated by her saying I'm being selfish and I don't care enough and I'm not being alert about these things and getting scammed but finally she settles on a dentist. We go to the dentist they do a bite wings and a full mouth. so because they do a full mouth x-rays they charged us $100 extra so she ends up arguing with them for about 10 minutes before I lie and tell her they didn't charge us extra and rescinded the charge because they made a mistake of course this only ends up emboldening her and she starts going on about how you have to be alert and pay attention to these things so you don't get scammed and it's like buddy it's Ramadan im fasting idon't want to deal with this yes you got a full mouth x-rays and it costs more because your full mouth is fucked up but she didn't want to hear it so I ended up lying fine it's cool. They give her a treatment plan with how much they think everything is going to cost she doesnt like how much it costs so she has me call a bunch of other dentist to see if it cost less it doesn't cost less she has me try and call Medicare and Social Security to see if I can get her a dental plan they won't do it she's blaming me about all of this by the way like any of this in my hand and then I'm like well if you don't like how I'm doing it why don't you ask your son to do it and then she yells at me for suggesting her son cuz she can't get along with her son. Finally I convinced her to go get her root canal done but now she wants to do a root canal without a crown and I'm like they don't want you to do that because there's a possibility it'll break and it could get infected and you'll have to remove the tooth and then she's like oh they're just scamming you out of extra money you don't need the crown I've had a different root canal done and I didn't get a crown and it's fine. and im like your teeth are all fucked up you are not a dentist just get the crown and she doesn't want the crown is she saying its not gonna look right and will be to big for her mouth...

bitch not gonna look right all your teeth are fucked up worrying about cosmetic reasons. And it's not like we can't afford it we can afford to get her a crown she does not have to be in pain and it's like you know what am I getting yelled at for if she wants to do this she can take that risk anyway moral of the story is don't try and do nice things for crotchety old people

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tox-talks · 3 years

Text

I'm going to take a picture later since grandpa's resting and I need him to take a photo, but Apollo doesn't have bumblefoot. I believe he sprained his ankle, and it's swollen. That would have been (relatively) good news, except while I was soaking his foot (much to his displeasure), I discovered an abscess on his belly, on the same side as that leg. I'm hoping it's coincidence and it's not connected.

He has a vet appointment on the 24th, I won't be waiting too long like I had with Frodo. I've felt around the abscess and while he's obviously in pain, there are no lumps that I could find, and the swelling in his leg starts promptly at the ankle and doesn't go up the whole leg.

He does have some tiny little... spurs? On his front paws that I worry might be bumblefoot judging by pictures, but I'll know on the vet visit.

The initial visit costs $60, and any procedures and medications he may need (definitely antibiotics) will add on to that cost. At this point I have anxiety asking for money because I've asked for so much already, but my financial situation hasn't changed and life just keeps marching on.

I've also spoken to the vet about how much an ear cleaning would cost for a cat, to get that ball rolling. Office visit, ear cleaning, cultures, and medications, it would add up to about $150~ per cat if I'm doing my math right (definitely not doing it right), which is a lot cheaper than expected, but still a lot when it's five cats. She said she could give me a deal of $60 for the first cat and $40 for the other four, for the price of the office visit only, but only if we bring in all five at once.

It's a deal I definitely want to take, but unless I can get up the money for it beforehand, it's definitely not something we could afford all in one go. (calculator math, go!) so that's about $750 total for the cats ears, 670 if we can bring in all five at once.

Right now the focus is on the rat of course, since his issue could be life threatening, but I really want to get some vet care for my animals, and I'm hoping I'll be able to pay it forward once I get on disability income proper.

Have this picture for now, and my paypal link. (note: this is a travel/quarantine cage. I am aware it is too small for rats to normally live in. The second rat is there because he's really stressed about being alone in the big cage. The cat is no threat to either of them.)

#tox talks #tox has pets #rat: apollo #rat: willie #cat: tiger

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breanime · 5 years

Note

Hey love I don’t know if you’re still doing the 2000 followers event (Which by the way You go Glen Coco!) but if you are can you do Should’ve known better by Monica for Papi Rio (angst)

So this is the last song drabble for my 2000 followers event. Thank you all so much for following me and reading my work! I love you all!

*gif not mine*

When you got to the prison and told them you were there to see Rio—again—you expected to have to go through the usual procedure: turn in all of your belongings, get patted down by a particularly through guard, wait for a good 20 minutes for the hellish buzzer that let you know that in the next 30 minutes, you would see Rio. But when you got there, the guard at the desk frowned, looked away from you, and mumbled a single, devastating sentence.

“The inmate doesn’t want to see you.”

It was like taking a bullet to the chest—which you would take, for Rio, if you had to. You blinked, tears forming in your eyes. You drove four and a half hours to see him…

“I’m sorry,” you said, steadying yourself, “I think there’s been a mistake…”

“No ma’mm,” the clerk cleared his throat, “He’s requested to remove you from the visitor list. He’s only allowing his lawyer to see him at this time…” He looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“I want to talk to him,” you said, anger replacing the surprised pain.

“You can call the inmate at this number—” he slid a pamphlet over to you.

“I know the number,” you said back, “I have it memorized. I want to talk to Rio.”

“You can’t see the inmate unless he has you on the list—”

“—Then let me call him,” you interrupted, holding your ground, “I’m not leaving until I speak to Rio.”

“Cell phone room is around the corner,” the clerk said, defeated.

You grabbed your purse from the counter and stomped down to the cell phone room, slamming the door behind you. You dialed the number, accepted the charges, and waited. Five minutes went by before you heard that voice that made your heart skip a beat.

“Hey.”

You closed your eyes, the tears stinging in your throat at the sound of Rio’s voice. You missed him so much, it was physically painful to you. “I’m here,” you said, knowing that he knew what ‘here’ meant.

“I know. I want you to go home.”

“Fuck you.”

Rio sighed on the other end. You could hear some light chattering in the back, but every sound he made was in stereo, both because you were so tuned in to him, and because Rio was afforded a certain amount of room, space, and respect due to his status on the streets. Even in prison, he was still a King. “This isn’t fair to you,” he said, “and I… Fuck, I can’t keep asking you to waste your time—”

“You didn’t ask me anything!” You shot back. “You made this decision to shut me out without even saying anything to me—”

“Because I knew your ass would try to argue with me!”

“You’re damn right I will!” You were pacing now, stomping around the small room. “Why would you take me off the visitor’s list?”

“Because I can’t keep doing this to you,” he shouted back, “It’s almost ten hours, to and from, to get here, you stay all day for a 45 minute visit where I can’t even touch you…” Rio took in a steadying breath, and you pictured his eyes as red as yours were. “I can’t support you, or comfort you, I can’t take you on trips like we used to do, I can’t even make fucking money in here—I ain’t shit for you while I’m in here!”

You felt your blood boil. “You… I can’t even…” You took a breath, stopping your pacing. “I didn’t ask to go with you to Mexico,” you started, “and I didn’t need the shopping sprees in L.A on Melrose. I didn’t need the furs or jewelry—and I still don’t, Rio. Material things don’t mean much to me. You are what matters to me.”

You heard Rio swallow on the other end of the line, and he was silent for a moment. “I can’t keep letting you hold us down on your own…”

“But I want to!”

“Yeah, you say that now, but what happens in another month when I’m still locked up? What happens when my guys stop sending you money? Huh? What happens when you meet someone else—”

“Are you out of your mind?!” You gasped. “Do you think I’m that easy? That fickle?”

“No, but—”

“I love you, Rio!” You screamed. “I fucking love you, you dumbass!”

“Watch your mouth—”

“Why would you take me off the list?” You knew you were bordering on hysterical now, but you couldn’t help it. “Why would you try to shut me out, Rio? I thought we were in this together! Why—”

“Why haven’t you left me?” He asked back.

You froze, eyes wide. The question was so absurd, you had to take a moment to even think of how to answer that question. “…what?”

“Why haven’t you left me? I’ve been in here 215 days with a grip more to go, and you… Fuck… Why are you still with me?”

You blinked, letting the tears fall down your cheeks. “Because I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said back, “and that’s why I can’t keep doing this to you…”

“Rio,” you said slowly, carefully, “I never ever cheated. I never ever lied. You know that I’ve been with you through everything, and I always will,” you shook your head, wiping your tears, “I love you. I love you more than anything—money, jewels, trips—that doesn’t mean shit to me. I love you. There’s no man alive or dead who could make me leave you,” you added, trying to address his fears, “It doesn’t matter if you’re up or down, either way—I’m gonna be here with you.” You could have sworn you heard Rio take a shaky breath on the other line, so you kept talking. “You should have known better than to think I would leave,” you said, “You should have known better than to doubt me—and I’m mad, Rio. I am so mad right now because I love you so, so much. And I would do anything for you. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, doing five to ten, I will always be here for you.”

“…You won’t forget about me?” Rio asked, and you knew he must be alone now because you could hear the vulnerability in his voice.

“Oh, baby,” you sighed, a new set of tears streaming down your cheeks, “How could I forget about you? Think about it—every Saturday and Monday for the last seven months, I’ve been on that receiver sitting across from you. Me. Because I’m your girl.”

“You’re my life,” he said softly.

“I know,” you chuckled through your tears, and Rio laughed on the other side of the line as well, “that’s why you should’ve known better… asshole.”

“I love you too, mama,” he said, “Just… Give me a minute, okay? I can put you back on the list right now.”

“Yeah,” you leaned against the wall, “you better.”

Within 20 minutes, you were being walked to the back to see Rio. You were surprised, however, when the guard passed the room where you usually went—the room where you would sit across from Rio with a little window blocking him from you—and kept walking. He stopped in front of a door and turned to you.

“The inmate has bought five minutes,” he said lowly, “Try to keep touching to a minimum… I’ll be right outside.”

Touching? You held your breath, watching as the man unlocked the door to reveal…

Rio.

He was standing in the room in his orange jumpsuit with chains around his ankles and wrists—but he was there, with no window of glass blocking him off from you.

And now you were crying again.

You ran to him, vaguely registering the door shutting behind you, and cried into his chest. It had been over seven months since you’d last been able to touch him, and to have this moment with him… it was breath-taking. Rio leaned down and kissed you, and you melted into his embrace. It didn’t matter that he was chained, it didn’t matter that you only had 5 minutes.

All that mattered was him.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he said, his lips on yours, “I love you. I love you.”

You wrapped your arms around him, holding him since he couldn’t hold you, and that’s how you spent your 5 minutes, just in each other’s embrace, kissing and crying and sighing.

“Rio,” you asked, mouth on his, “You paid for this?”

“Mm hmm,” he answered, a small smile on his face, “It was money well spent.”

You laughed—you knew better than to ask how much it cost. Rio’s income had decreased significantly since he’d been locked up, but he was still making money. Of course, to Rio, it wasn’t enough. So for him to spend money to have this (probably illegal) privilege with you… It meant a lot.

There was a knock on the door, signaling that your time was up.

“Hey,” Rio reached up and brushed your tears away, the chains on his wrist clanking as he moved, “don’t cry. I love you, baby.” He kissed your tears away, creating a new batch with the soft show of affection. He was smiling when he pulled back. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For reminding me that you’re my ride or die,” he answered, his fingers brushing against your face gently, “I had a weak moment, but I’m good now. Cause of you.”

“I’m here, Rio,” you said, tapping his heart with your hand, “and I’ll always be here.”

You left the prison with a sense of hope; you had cried a lot, but you felt secure that now, Rio knew better than to doubt your commitment to him. You would wait for him for as long as it took, and now, he knew that.

That was the last time Rio ever doubted you, from then on, he was secure in the fact that his girl was going to be with him no matter what, and whenever he started to feel trapped or paranoid that you would leave him, he’d remember the things you said to him, and he reminded himself—

—that he should know better. And he did.

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thanakite · 3 years

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My mom really does seem to enjoy making things difficult for me. I'm supposed to get an endoscopy and colonoscopy done on Thursday and they were supposed to call to tell me prices and everything, but since it's Monday and we hadn't heard anything my mom wanted me to call and find out. So first I called insurance to make sure it got approved and to see what they were saying about the price. They told me the colonoscopy was covered but the endoscopy would fall under the deductible issue. So we have to pay what's let on the deductible (which is only like $33) and then the insurance will cover 80% of the cost of the procedure. With the endoscopy they could only give me a range of what I'd be paying, which was between $210 and $1200 which is a huge range.

My mom was not happy with the potential that it could be $1000 or more so she had me call the doctor's office. They stated they could only tell me the cost of the doctor which, after the insurance, will be about $100.

They suggested I call the hospital where this is taking place to find out the cost, but they were completely unhelpful, as billing only deals with those already charged and the estimate department they transferred me to only gives estimates for things that aren't already scheduled.

So from there I had to look up what the hospital typically charges for the endoscopy out of pocket and then find out what 20% was. That result in a total of around $770 for the doctor and the endoscopy and if the insurance decides to change my colonoscopy cost to the same system it will be almost $1000.

My mom is not happy about this at all and is giving indications that she doesn't want to pay for it (I can't pay on my own as I do not work due to my physical limitations) or to put it off for a bit. The second option makes no sense as she's the one who keeps reminding me that I only have till December on their insurance and she firmly believes that I won't be able to get on Medicaid.

Not doing the procedures is also not a good idea at this point, especially the endoscopy as we need to find out if I have GERD or not as I've had a very mucus-y chronic cough on top of just a lot of mucus in general since I was a kid which could indicate that stomach acid is getting into my lungs, which is a problem, and if it's not then it's a chronic sinus condition.

On top of the lung issues, I have thrown up pretty much every single day for the last 3 months and this is supposed to help us deal with that, and I'd really rather not keep throwing up all the time just because my mom thinks this is unimportant.

Furthermore, we need the colonoscopy to determine if I have IBS or if it's something more serious.

All of this is incredibly important to manage and it's as if my mom just doesn't care.

For any of you who think this about the money, my parents have pushed me into doing 2 different types of injections lately that made my pain worse and cost about $900 altogether, they just bought tickets to go to Cancun in October and are going to Italy for 2 weeks in December. This is not about the money, it is about her belief that it isn't necessary, when it is.

So she is simply making my life more difficult and making me feel like shit because she doesn't want to listen to the doctor and I just really don't know what to do with all this :/

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lachlanwrites · 3 years

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Black market hormones: How red tape is forcing a trans generation to self-medicate

HORMONE THERAPY: Treatment for trans people in the UK is woefully inadequate, forcing many to consider risky alternatives

Lachlan Mykura reports on the difficulties of treatment for transgender people, documenting his own experiences and the bureaucracy surrounding them.

Transgender issues have long been a source of controversy and debate. In recent years, these issues have come under the spotlight. Younger generations are more able to explore their gender, and the concept of a strict binary is being slowly replaced with a far more fluid and flexible umbrella.

Not everyone who is transgender will transition medically, but for those who do it can be an arduous process bogged down by bureaucracy. While it is important to note that those who choose not to transition, or have no desire to transition, are valid, this article will specifically focus on the people that do.

I am Lachlan Mykura, and I am FTM - female to male transgender. My transition has been marked by wait times, delays, gatekeeping and uncertainty, so I did what a growing number of transgender people are doing. I decided to start taking hormones without a prescription.

To understand why I, and many other trans people do this, we need to look at the system and its failures. There are currently seven NHS gender identity clinics (GIC’s) in the UK, with plans for three more in Manchester, London and Merseyside. In 2015 there were 1,408 referrals to these clinics. In 2020 there were 2,728. With only seven clinics for thousands of referrals, wait times for NHS GIC’s have skyrocketed, and many clinics no longer publish their times, estimated to be years. Indeed, many of them seem to have completely ground to a halt.

One such clinic, The Laurels in Exeter, has 2,592 people currently on its waiting list, and yet saw only 2 people in 2020. One patient has been on the list for nearly 6 years, 17 times the NHS legal guideline of 18 weeks.

Many GP’s are uneducated or unused to trans issues, and don’t know the proper procedures for referring patients on to a GIC. I found this myself when I was beginning to consider medical transition, with one GP outright telling me they didn’t know how to help me.

Nearly a year later I managed to get a referral, and my waiting game began.

These wait times add to an already time sensitive process. Transgender people under 18 cannot go to most GIC’s. Tavistock is currently the only GIC that will see underage patients, and even getting to this clinic before you become 18 is a struggle.

Although transition can be successful at any age, the younger you start medical transition, the better the results are likely to be, especially for male to female (MTF) patients. By the time you can start hormones on the NHS, you will likely have gone through puberty entirely, and will have the sex characteristics of your assigned gender at birth (AGAB).

The NHS is a clumsy beast when it comes to gender care, and with the rapidly rising number of referrals, it may fall even further behind.

The NHS is also not currently very supportive of non-binary people looking to transition. A diagnosis of gender dysphoria is necessary to start hormones, and while the NHS has become more accepting of non-binary identities in recent years, some non-binary people may struggle to meet the criteria.

If you don’t want to wait for NHS treatment then there is the option for private treatment. In the UK this comes in the form of two providers, Gendercare and GenderGP.

Gendercare is a private network of doctors, and is staffed by some of the most experienced gender specialists in the UK. Unfortunately, this means it also has a price tag to match. Each of the doctors working at Gendercare set their own prices, but most tend to be around £300 for an initial appointment, and then £150 for follow ups, which are necessary to start on hormones.

GenderGP is a cheaper alternative, although the quality of treatment they offer is arguably worse. They are a telemedicine service, working on a system of ‘informed consent’. This means that during their consultations, they will tell you about any possible risks and effects of the treatment, but the end choice to start hormones is down to you. They don’t require any formal diagnoses. On paper, this sounds like an excellent choice, and I originally decided to go with them, paying my £65 initial appointment fee and talking to one of their psychologists.

However, GenderGP is not the most reputable service. Doctors Helen and Mike Webberly, the couple who started the service, have both been struck off by the GMC for providing hormones and puberty blockers to those under 18. This gave me cause for concern, but having seen firsthand the politicization of trans treatments, especially for those under 18, I thought that this wasn’t enough for me to stop using their services. The nail in the coffin for GenderGP came in October 2020, when their pharmacy, ClearChemist, said that they would no longer be working with GenderGP. This put GenderGP’s ability to prescribe hormones in jeopardy. Even though their services were cheaper, faster and accessible online, I didn’t know if they could fulfil what they promised. I decided to switch to Gendercare instead.

“The NHS is a clumsy beast when it comes to gender”

TESTOGEL: One of the forms of hormone treatment available to FTM transgender people.

I contacted two of the doctors working for Gendercare, who I thought would have the shortest wait times. One of them said that he could not accept me as a patient, and the other said that he could offer me an initial appointment in January 2021. Progress.

This January appointment would be followed up by another appointment or two with one of Gendercare’s endocrinologists. I would have paid around £1000 without even being sure I could get a prescription. As a student, I had more important things to spend money on, like instant ramen and rent.

I was sitting with friends one evening and the topic came onto hormones. I was lamenting the trials and tribulations of transgender treatment in the UK when one of the friends I was with, another trans man, piped up “I could give you my spare bottle.”

Bingo.

I thought about the prospect for a while, I knew people who took testosterone without a prescription and their transitions were going well. However, I was really nervous about it, I had no way of knowing my hormone levels, I wouldn’t have a consistent supply and, well, it just wasn’t a very good idea.

I did it anyway.

A few weeks of soul searching later I realised that I had known I was trans since I was a young teenager. I had been sitting on these feelings, hoping they would ‘go away’ or second guessing myself as to whether or not I was ‘really trans. But they hadn’t. They had stuck like toilet paper on a shoe throughout my teenage years and into my twenties. My excuses of waiting until I was an adult had no weight, after all, I was an adult now. Years of waiting, doctors appointments, and questioning and now here I was, being offered hormones on a silver platter over a glass of wine. I had to take it.

I had no way of knowing my hormone levels, I wouldn’t have a consistent supply and, well, it just wasn’t a very good idea. I did it anyway.

Gel is, in my opinion, the easiest and best way to take testosterone, the other popular one being injection. Gel is a daily application which means that your hormone levels don’t suffer from the same rises and falls that weekly injection causes. However, with these smaller doses comes slower changes, on average.

I wasn’t too worried about this, since I didn’t really want incredibly quick changes when I had no access to a specialist to help monitor my levels. Injections are also cheaper than gel, but I didn’t need to worry about that, after all, I was getting mine for free. Besides, even if I didn’t hate needles, I wasn’t about to go injecting myself with drugs unless a doctor had told me to.

In order for trans men to do their injections, they need to be shown how to by a nurse, generally at their first appointment. If done wrong, injecting testosterone can cause pain, swelling, and infection.

The gel I use is called Testogel. Testogel dosage is measured by pumps, the bottle is designed so that each pump will give the exact same amount of gel. I started on one pump, since I wanted to stretch out the amount of gel I had for as long as I could. I didn’t know if I would be able to get another one on time, and I was fully aware that I was relying only on the generosity of my friend.

The changes have, as expected, come rather slowly. I have been on testosterone for around a month and a half now, and, unfortunately, I’m no closer to resembling Chris Hemsworth or Zac Effron than I was when I started. All in good time. What I have noticed is that my voice has dropped, and I’m plagued by embarrassing voice cracks at the worst of times. Every man has to go through them at some point and I’m no exception. God help me when I get stuck trying to grow a beard.

None of my fears about making a mistake have come to pass. I have been happy with all the changes, which is not something I could ever say about going through my first puberty.

The reasons that people choose to self-prescribe hormones are vast, not least because of the cost and time that goes into getting a prescription legally. The reasons, however, run much deeper than just personal cost.

Transgender treatment is a subject of fierce debate worldwide, and the UK is no exception. Recently, a lawsuit was brought against the Tavistock GIC by a woman who started taking puberty blockers when she was a teenager, and then detransitioned at 23. She believes that the NHS did not take enough precautions before prescribing her puberty blockers - which are fully reversible.

As a result of this, under 16’s in the UK may now no longer be able to give informed consent to start taking puberty blockers before they start on hormones at 18. While people who detransition are facing a very difficult time in their lives and deserve support, the backlash falls on actual trans people.

TERF groups (trans exclusionary radical feminists) see these detransitoners as martyrs who have been brainwashed and victimized by ‘the trans cult’. As a result, actual trans people face not only increased waiting times and inaccessible appointments but also increased media scrutiny and online vitriol.

Trans issues are in the limelight. Recently, Elliot Paige, who plays Vanya in The Umbrella Academy, came out as FTM, becoming one of the most high-profile celebrities to come out transmasculine. Trans men are often left out of public conversation, as trans women are more often the focus of transphobic tabloid media and TERF rhetoric. With more and more people coming out, either as transgender, or in support of transgender rights, trans treatment should hopefully become more and more accessible.

Written December 2020 By Lachlan Mykura

#ftm #transgender #transmasculine #hormones #testogel #NHS #gender #gender identity #transition #testosterone #journalism #news #lachlanwrites

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healingheartdogs · 3 years

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I feel like most people I talk to about my health, especially like... my family, are just like “ugh it always complains but never goes to a doctor” WRT my health issues but like... I haven’t had insurance in four years, and before that I had shitty insurance with a really high deductible so I still couldn’t really afford healthcare. In that time, I have had untreated heart palpitations, blood pressure problems, and fainting spells, I have developed and lived with constant digestive issues that have steadily grown worse that leave me unable to eat solid food sometimes for weeks at a time, I’ve had extremely painful uterus problems that I don’t know the cause of come back, my birth control implant that I was using to somewhat manage those uterus problems previously has expired and I’ve not been able to get it removed let alone replaced, I’ve been living with a jaw problem that causes my jaw to pop out of place and lock alllllll the time making eating even more difficult for about 6 months now, and for over two months I have been living with a painful broken thumb that I can barely move in the correct direction and that moves too far in the wrong direction so it has to stay constantly splinted and unusable. I still currently live in a state that chose not to expand medicaid, so it’s not possible for me to get benefits here, and free clinics are far from easily accessible and also are unlikely to have the specialist care that I need available assuming I can even get an appointment. To go to a sliding scale doctor here without insurance generally runs me at least $125 up front for the visit itself, with any procedures, medicines, or tests being extra money on top of that and also completely unaffordable without insurance. The last time I went to the doctor for my stomach issues the prescription they gave me cost me over $100 for a medicine that with insurance would have cost $10-15. This country is not set up to allow people to get healthcare if they don’t have insurance, and insurance isn’t possible to get for most people without a steady monthly income. And this doesn’t even touch on mental health, of course. I need... so much therapy. Right now I’m living with completely untreated and unmanaged autism, adhd, and C-PTSD, all of which make taking care of myself harder and make it impossible for me to keep a job longer than like... 6 months without completely burning out and becoming entirely non-functional and getting unalive-y. I’m still recovering from the severe burn out and physical stress of my last job, honestly, and it’s taking so long with such little progress that I’m getting afraid that this is just how my brain works now. Permanently burnt out. Blah. I’m just... tired of feeling like abled and healthy people I know keep looking at me like I’m lazy or not trying hard enough or purposefully not taking care of myself when it comes to my health instead of looking at the system we live in and blaming it for not giving a fuck about people like me, making care unaffordable and inaccessible, and letting people die every day from preventable health problems because of lack of access to care.

#ndr #not dog related #rant #ugh and don't even get me STARTED ON DENTAL CARE I haven't been to a dentist since 2014 #my teeth are fucked up okay #my everything is fucked up honestly #sorry y'all have to deal with my yelling into the void on my dog account I'll try to reblog more dog stuff only for a bit to make up for it #whoops lol

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lightsupinthenorth · 4 years

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Read on AO3

TW: mentions of child abuse and medical procedure

Billy really wants to skip school today. Well, he kind of always does, but usually the idea of seeing Steve Harrington gives him enough incentive to get out of bed even if the prospect of sitting trough a whole day of classes is less than satisfactory. That day, though, even Steve Harrington is not enough.

Billy pissed off his father last night, and he took a mean kick to the ribs for it. As a result, his left side hurts like a bitch, he didn’t sleep well, and he’s so exhausted that when he finally gets up, he sees black spots dancing in front of his eyes and he nearly falls to the floor, his legs as consistent as jelly.

He’ll never survive the morning periods, let alone basketball practice this afternoon. Billy sighs. This day is going to suck. There’s no doubt about that. He’s got to make his peace with the fact and power through, because he cannot skip, no matter how hard he wants to. His father is particularly intransigent these days, and Billy doesn’t need to give him any more reason to be angry.

So, he takes a quick shower, he skips breakfast, and before he realizes it, he’s sitting at his usual back row desk in his English lit class, feeling miserable as hell and trying to hide it.

“Who pissed in your cereals this morning, Hargrove?”

Okay, so the “hiding” part of it isn’t a success, apparently.

“Fuck off, Harrington, I’m a real ray of sunshine.” Billy says.

Steve and he have been friendly since Billy apologized for bashing his face in. Now is not the time to needle Billy, though, and Harrington would better be aware of that, lest it get messy again.

“Oh sure! Just a very grumpy looking one. You shouldn’t scowl that hard, you’re gonna get wrinkles.”

It only makes Billy scowl harder. Steve smiles his brightest smile at him, for whatever strange reason, and it makes Billy relax slightly.

Thankfully, the teacher arrives before Steve has time to ask anything else.

Billy avoids the cafeteria at lunch. He’s got no food, nor does he have money to buy some. He knows Steve would get him something without him even needing to ask for it, but he’s not hungry anyway, so it would be rather pointless.

When Billy enters the changing room, Steve is already there, and of course he mentions it. He’s a mother hen like that.

“I didn’t see you at lunch. Did you manage to eat something? I have granola bars if you want.”

“I did eat.” Billy lies, “but thanks for the offer, Pretty boy.”

“No problem.” Steve smiles brightly again.

Billy is lightheaded already from exhaustion and lack of food, Steve doesn’t need to add to it. How rude.

“Are you sure you’re okay, though? You look a little pale.”

He rolls his eyes.

“Yes, mom, I’m fine.”

Look, another lie! Way to go, Billy.

“Fuck off. You’re a disaster, someone has to look after your ass.”

Billy flips him the bird half-heartedly before putting his shorts on.

During practice, he insists on playing shirts, for once, so the bruise on the left side of his abdomen doesn’t raise any question. He shouldn’t have bothered, though. Barely three minutes later, he’s entirely out of fuel already and must take a break. He then makes the mistake of getting back into the match, only to be hit in the stomach with the ball and nearly faint.

“Hargrove, you’re out of it, what’s wrong with you?”

Billy assures he’s fine, but he’s slurring his words, so obviously the coach doesn’t believe him.

“Go sit down, go to the nurse, whatever, just stop playing. I don’t want you fainting on the court.”

Billy grumbles, but he obeys nonetheless. He doesn’t have enough energy to put up a fight right now.

He goes to the showers, and it’s all peachy until he slips on the wet tile and bumps his head on the wall. He regains consciousness to Steve leaning over him, looking freaked.

“What are you doing here?” Billy mumbles.

“I wanted to check if you were okay. Seems like it was good instinct on my part.” Steve says.

“Come on, let’s get you off the floor.”

It’s a strenuous process, and Billy can’t hold a groan in as pain flares up his side, but Steve does manage to get him back to his feet. He only then notices he’s naked, which is very embarrassing.

“What’s that?” Steve asks, pointing the nasty bruise on Billy’s torso.

“Nothing.”

“Uh, don’t bullshit me, Hargrove.”

“Calm your tits, princess, I am fine.”

Steve scoffs.

“Oh yeah, sure, you just fainted in the showers and you’ve looked half-dead all day. You’re the perfect picture of ‘fine’.”

Billy goes back to scowling, because the truth is not pleasant to hear, and Steve is serving it to him and forcing him to stop ignoring it. Again, rude.

“I’m just tired.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think that’s it.”

“Oh, you’re an expert on health matters now, Harrington?”

Steve huffs.

“No, you smart ass, but we have a perfectly competent school nurse, you could go to her, you know. Just to make sure.”

“Pass.”

“No.”

Billy glares at him.

“What do you mean, no?”

“No, I won’t let you decide. Your decision making is shit. I’m deciding right now, and I say you’re going to the nurse.”

The nerves of that guy.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Billy’s going for angry, but his voice is so weak he just sounds petulant.

“Okay then! I’m telling you what I am going to do. I am going to take you to the nurse to get checked out even if I have to drag you there!”

Steve, unlike Billy, has no trouble sounding furious. His eyes are glaring daggers at Billy, his hands are clenched into fists, and his chest is heaving with how worked up he is. Billy would probably get a hard-on if he weren’t so tired. It’s a good thing he doesn’t, because he’s still very much naked.

“Stop treating me like one of your kids! I can take care of myself.” Billy says through gritted teeth.

He doesn’t want to admit defeat, even if he recognizes he’s in the wrong. His pride can’t take it.

“You obviously can’t!” Steve yells.

There are a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, and then Steve’s anger seems to deflate. He sighs.

“Look, I’m really worried. Would you please, please, just go to the nurse with me? I’ll owe you one.”

And isn’t it just like Steve, to make it seem like Billy’s doing him a favor by taking care of himself? Great, now Billy feels bad. He could deal with angry Steve, but he’s no match against pleading Steve with his puppy eyes.

“Okay, fine… Just let me get dressed and we’ll go.”

It takes Billy forever to put on his jeans and T-shirt. He slips on his sneakers and is planning on leaving the laces undone, but Steve won’t have it and bends down to tie them for him. Steve is on his knees in front of Billy… and here he thought Steve was trying to help him, not kill him.

It turns out Steve was right to pester Billy about consulting a health professional, because he ends up in the hospital to get surgery for a ruptured spleen. It’s going to cost a small fortune, and Neil’s not going to be happy, but it’s his fault so he’s not allowed to bitch about it.

Steve is there for him until he gets taken to the operating room. And, God knows how long after the surgery, Billy wakes up to Steve holding his hand.

When he realizes Billy is awake, Steve tries to take his hand away, but Billy holds it in place.

“Are you okay?” He asks, after clearing his throat.

“Sure.” Billy croaks. “I’m sure it’s a pretty standard operation, Pretty boy. It wasn’t that big a deal.”

“Shut up. You scared the hell out of me.”

“I’m sorry…” he mutters.

“Don’t apologize… even if you were being particularly stubborn, it’s not like it’s your fault you ruptured your spleen.” Steve says, running his thumb on the back to Billy’s hand.

“About that…” he goes on, “I overheard the nurses talking… and uh… they mentioned domestic violence.”

“What about it?” Billy asks defensively, tensing up.

“Well… feel free to tell me to fuck off, but…”

Billy scoffs. As if he needed Steve’s permission to tell him to fuck off.

“Is it true?” Steve finishes, his whole expression radiating concern.

“What do you think? That I got into a fight in some bar on a Monday night?”

And really, Billy doesn’t mean to be that prickly. It’s just a subconscious and desperate attempt at preventing the walls he built around himself from crumbling down.

However, the sad look Steve gives him is enough to make his attempt fail tremendously and annihilate the said walls until Billy is laid bare, defenseless.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Just… stay with me, please?” Billy hasn’t sounded that vulnerable since he last was on the phone with his mother, begging her to come back for him.

“Of course.” Steve squeezes his hand. “I meant, what more can I do?”

“Nothing. You being there is enough.”

Steve doesn’t look convinced, but he thankfully doesn’t argue.

“Oh wait, there might be something.”

“What?” Steve looks ready to burn Hawkins to ashes and throw down the entire government if Billy asks him to.

Billy won’t ask that of him, though. He’d never do anything to taint Steve.

“Could you get me some water.”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“Sure. I was thinking of something a bit more substantial, though.”

“Oh, look at you, using big words!” Billy mocks.

“You just woke up from surgery, how are you already so annoying?”

“That’s one of my many talents.”

“I hate you sometimes.” Steve says in a deadpan voice.

“No, you don’t.”

Steve answers Billy’s teasing grin with a pout.

“No, I don’t.”

Billy cackles in triumph.

“What about that water, Pretty boy?” he then adds.

It’s not even to be a pain in the ass. He really is thirsty.

“Shit, sorry!” Steve replies, letting go of Billy’s hand to go fetch him something to drink.

Billy watches him with a fond smile as he exits the room. His life still sucks, but it sucks a bit less now that Steve is in it.

#Harringrove #Billy Hargrove #Steve Harrington #hurt and comfort #slight angst #fluff #I'm in the mood to write about Billy being hurt these days #I'm sorry

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tom-hanks-is-bae · 5 years

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I need some help. Please.

Okay, so this is my baby, Alex

On the morning of August 25, I lost him. This is a hard post to write.

I drove home late Saturday august 24th because he wasn’t doing well (my mom took care of him while I’m at school but I FaceTimed him every single day)

Alex wasn’t eating or pooping, this has happened before but we can usually get him out of it by using pear juice, baby gas drops, tummy massages, critical care and other things. I knew this time was different. We got him to the emergency vet (over an hour away) at around 8:30 PM. He was different this time.

They took an x-Ray and did some bloodwork and found he had a big gas bubble in his tummy. And the bloodwork showed his potassium and proteins were off. His temperature was Also a little low, running 99ish and rabbits should run over 100

They wanted to hospitalize him for 24 hours but I didn’t want to leave my baby. We stayed for a while and they gave him pain meds, he became very sleepy after this, this is the last picture I have of him alive, he was sleeping in my arms

They started an IV drip to hydrate him and hopefully get things moving, there was also pain medication in the drip.

We left him there but got a hotel 5 minutes away. ($120) I slept absolutely none, and called to check on him ever 1-2 hours.

I called at 4am and they tell me his temperature had dropped (96ish) and were planning on starting syringe feeding at 6am if there were no improvements

He didn’t make it to 6

I woke my mother and we went there straight away. We get there about 4:10 and he was in a small room they have for rabbits and it was really warm trying to raise his temp. At this point we’re doing almost everything, there’s one other thing they can do.

A procedure where they sedate him and go in his stomach with a tube and release the gas (which he still had not passed)

I agree to this because it was a last resort, my baby wasn’t eating or using the bathroom. I sat on the floor and held him for a couple minutes before they took him to do the procedure. I remember holding him and putting my head on his and thinking “I hope this isn’t the last time I get to hold him, I have to remember this moment.” And it was the last time I held him alive.

They did the procedure and the vet comes out and says they got a good amount of gas out and he pooped one pellet, I was hopeful. I went back to see him and he was laying on the table, groggy from the sedation. I rubbed him and told him I loved him. I told them about how sweet of a bun he was, how he loved to get under the recliner and thought it was a game, how he just got a scooby doo chair that made him feel like a king.

They took him back to let him rest and I thought he could use it so I went to the waiting room. I’ve questioned and went over 1000 times or more in my head if I did the right thing. Because about 10-20 minutes later the vet comes and tells me Alex has arrested.

My baby. Writing this is beyond hard. I scream, I cry, she leaves and said something about CPR. I run to the back and open a door, I see him on the table and her trying to revive him. The vet tech comes out and tells me she’s doing what she can, I scream, I beg them to save him. He wanted to come home. I screamed I didn’t care about the money, just to help him.

They brought me my limp baby boy in a blanket, brown stuff all over his mouth and I cried and begged him to wake up. He didn’t. My baby was gone and gone too soon.

To you he may be just a rabbit but he was my baby, he helped me through things in ways I never thought he could. I found a love for rabbits, much more then them just being cute, they have personality and he was the best boy, he just wanted to be loved and he was, but I wanted to love him more and more and more and more.

Early in the night we realized the bill was going to be much more than the money we had in our pocket or our bank accounts. So we applied for care credit and were allowed $1,500. The total ended up being a little over 1,600 and we used $200 something from my grandmas credit card that we will have to pay back to her. The whole time I said “it’s okay, Alex has insurance, they’ll cover most of it right?”

WRONG. I got NATIONWIDE exotic pet insurance for emergencies like this and I submitted a claim. They are willing to give us a whopping $279??? So we called to find out the reason, and here’s the gag. They’ll only cover up to a certain amount of $ for a certain issue, so for GI Stasis (which is in simple terms what Alex had but there was other stuff going on) they only cover $140. They have a limit they will pay for each health issue so essentially Alex would have to have been even worse for them to cover more (I don’t remember what the other $139 went to) the exam itself cost $130. So honestly boycott nationwide because not only did they do this but we called the day it happened and told them to cancel the policy because he was deceased and when we called to question the amount, the policy was STILL ACTIVE!

So I’ve got this thing to pay off and if it’s not paid off in 6 months it gains 14% interest, not on what you have left to pay, but on the entire loan amount. Which is almost $200 more. I’m a student and will be doing work study but I can only work 80 hours per semester and will make less than $700 if I did all that. My dad doesn’t work because he has multiple sclerosis (and so do I, yippi! 😕) my mom is picking up every shift she can but we have extra medical bills because I just started a new medication after having a relapse on my old one.

I’ve been in a super depressed state since losing him, not being able to eat, drink, shower, or just generally take care of myself. This bill is a big stressor because I know it’s stressful to my mother as well and I worry about losing her too. I hope this post gets seen by people that would be willing to help me or at least pass this post on so that others could. I would never ask for this if I wasn’t desperate.

I’d do anything to hold my baby again, to tell him how much I love him, get nose kisses and give him treats, I’d pay even more. I’m going to post a couple more pictures of him and then my links to PayPal/cash app/ and Venmo at the bottom if anyone wants to donate to help me. If this gets a lot of attention somehow and I get enough to pay the bill off I will not let people continue to give me money, I will post updates of the care credit balance once i make payments. Here’s my baby:

My paypal: https://www.paypal.me/mikalaalex

Cashapp: $mikalaalex

Venmo: mikalaalex

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frivolouslyethereal · 4 years

Text

Loss

ooook so this has been in my notes for way too long. I will seriously run through it tomorrow (and probably delete it lol) so my apologies if it doesn’t properly work and the potential misspellings. i just couldn’t wait any longer :)

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We too often lose our loved ones out of fear. Because we can’t bring ourselves to be true and because lies are infinitely easier to get out of our mouths rather than the truth. The truth is painful and heavy, it costs us energy and willingness to bring it to the surface and it’s risky.

It will achingly hang in the room and it will cost us dozens of dark looks, if we come out as different than the norm.

I wish someone told my younger self that the only thing we can call normal is love, and that knows neither boundaries nor differences.

Love is comfortable and welcoming, and if doesn’t feel so then it isn’t love.

We crave to put people in boxes, so we can label them and reduce their complexity, and see them as a one-way sort of thing.

We give them one light band to avoid acknowledging that they’re in fact a broad spectrum. We categorically refuse to see that each band is equally important, and that by cutting a single one out we are in fact reducing the person.

But in the end, we mistakenly look for simple people that would bring us simple things. I now know that such thing as the label “simple” cannot be attached to a person.

However in that moment, I was refusing to see that what I had with Celia was the most complex and beautifully truthful relationship i had ever embarked myself on. Right then, in that very specific moment where I urgently needed to acknowledge it,I didn’t see it. I couldn’t see it.

I now sound as an experienced and ponderate old lady, with a lot wisdom and a deep and meaningful insight that comes from age, but I learned it all on my skin. I learned it because my heart was ripped out and left bleeding for years, even if I masqueraded it and I showed myself off as a solemnly powerful woman.

That day was my first encounter with the most profound and deeply-rooted pain I had ever felt, the one that would accompany me for days and nights, even when I gulped down so much alcohol that I felt my all body was as light as a silk dress.

I remember that Celia got in the car and started the engine keeping her eyes locked with mine. My hands were violently shaking and I could feel the colour draining from my face.

And then she left.

No matter how hard I try, i cannot remember what happened next. I know that she was in front of me and then she wasn’t anymore.

I was so knocked down from the excruciating pain I was feeling, that I don’t remember how I managed to walk to the house from the driveway.

The next thing I remember is that I was sitting on the floor surrounded by fragments of the crystal flower vases i must have thrown to the ground.

The flowers were splayed across the carpet and while I felt sorry for what I did to them, I was progressively realising that I had ruined it all with my own ends. I tried to break my hands by clasping the carpet as tightly as I could, until I felt the blood draining from them while my knuckles turned white.

I was so busy manipulating everyone around us so that I could keep living up to my pretence, that it hadn’t even cross my mind that I was slowly losing the person I loved the most.

I had ended up being false and hypocrite with the only person who knew who I really was.

My will to constantly feed that glorious image of myself that I had patiently, obstinately and meticulously created, had completely blinded me from seeing that I ultimately let that dirt from our world entrance and contaminate what Celia and I had.

Guilt, pain, remorse and fear were washing over me, hitting steadily like huge waves. And for the first time in my life I felt something inside me crack, not knowing whether I was ever going to be okay again afterwards and leaving me struggling to properly breathe.

I now know that for the first time in my life I was experiencing a panic attack.

My vision was blurry. My heart was beating uncontrollably and I couldn’t think straight. I remember squeezing my eyes shut multiple times in the vain hope of being able to focus again.

I was suffering like I had never before, I knew she had left me and it was ultimate.

I couldn’t believe I had lost control over myself. I was crying so hardly that my sobs were violently pushing out of me and my breathing got so laboured that I thought It was pretty obvious that I was going to die of asphyxia.

I had the woman of my dreams, the only person I truly allowed to be with and in me, and yet I had hidden myself right in front of her.

I had given voice to my feelings in the worst possible way and I had masqueraded myself to try win the argument.

I wanted to win so badly that I didn’t care what came out of my mouth.

I wanted to leave her speechless.

I wanted her to fall on her knees and ultimately surrender admitting she could not live without me. But what I really wanted was her apology and her admittance that I was right.

I wanted her to beg me to stop it.

She was the most precious thing I ever laid my hands on, and yet i didn’t think, not even for one second, that what my words did to her was all but cutting deep through her skin.

But things never turn out the way we picture them in our stupid dreamy heads, and Celia was so much better than I thought her to be and did not submit herself to such shameful behaviour.

I absolutely did not expect that, and when it happened I realised that I had inevitably broken it all and she was gone forever. I had pushed her too far and betrayed her too deeply. She had my body until I deliberately decided to share it with someone else, acting out of self-righteousness.

I thought I had to be fully independent, and that I still needed to prove it that I was known as a free woman who had the power of bending people to satisfy her requests. What I thought was maybe an exciting way of proving my emancipation was instead outrageous and deplorable.

I had spent my life proving people I was the one who deserved things because I had literally worked my way up, but I never quite managed to get rid of such sickening way of acting. Even if Celia knew me and I didn’t need to prove her anything,I still went on following that ordinary procedure.

I deserved to be left like that. Alone and in pain and doubting if my life was ever going to make sense again. I ruined it all because of my hunger for more. More money, more recognition, more admiration and more fame.

I knew I only needed Celia to survive, but I let anger take the lead on me and completely closed myself off to her words. I hadn’t even listened to a single word she said because that voice in the back of my head was busy telling me that she wasn’t understanding me, and she wasn’t ever going to understand me.

I profoundly loved making movies to see the extent of my fascination on people and the effect of powerfully using my body, bending it do whatever I needed in order to achieve what I wanted.

But it was nothing compared to what Celia did to me.

I loved that people scrutinised me on and off the screen, trying to grasp about me and my life as much as they could because I knew that I had something hidden and that living on the verge thrilled me. But it was nothing compared to lying down next to a person who knew every single freckle on my skin and loved each and every single scar I had.

It was nothing compared to drifting into sleep with her in my arms at night, and waking up to her gentle and soft hold in the morning.

It was nothing compared to touching her while being touched by her.

It was nothing compared to the profundity of being listened to like she did to me, with her eyes wide open brightly shining while imagining what I was talking about.

It was nothing because to love and being loved like that is the thing we all desperately look for from the moment we become aware that love exists.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I felt the burning need to see her and tell her I got it all wrong. I would spend the nights knocking at her door begging her to take me back because I needed her like I need air in my lungs and I couldn’t live knowing that she was alive somewhere but wasn’t sharing her life with me anymore.

So I miraculously got up from the floor.

#the seven husbands of evelyn hugo #my writing #fanfic #my fanfic writing

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t-ierrahumeda · 4 years

Note

Have you talked about your experience selling eggs?

I think I've talked about it slightly on reblogs and stuff, but never dwelved too deep on the matter.

I was 23 I think(I'm 27 now), had a shitty low paying job and wanted cash to go on a small trip. I found out about selling my eggs, researched it a bit, and it seemed like a pretty simple, nonharming process so I went for it.

It is not simple nor completely safe. The process lasts around a month, you get checks done every week. At first you just take some pills, then you have to inject hormones that force egg production: while in a normal cycle you release one egg, with these procedures you produce between 10 or 20, I produced 30. The injections are painful, and as the time goes on you feel more and more bloated. Everything hurts, like you're on a really heavy period.

Then comes the egg collection. You go under general anesthesia, and they get the eggs by poking your ovaries with a needle that suctions them. This, after the anesthesia fades away, sounds as painful as you imagine. It hurts a lot, and the pain can even last a month - that's what it lasted for me, and I don't have particularly bad periods.

Then comes the secondary effects of the drugs. You're basically super fertile for around two months, so if you have sex with males it is a very high possibility that you get pregnant, even on the pill. Your ovaries become enlarged, like the size of a golf ball. They can stay big for the rest of your life. You also may have ovarian cysts, fibroids, or fertility related issues. Your hormones are a mess. There's a fun thing: there's not much data of the side effects. They don't really do check ups after the whole thing is done: we got your eggs, you got your money, now get the fuck outta here.

And then, after some time, you come to realize the moral implications of what you did, and what was done to you. It is, in my opinion, similar to surrogacy: you're used as a brooding mare, they're profiting with your reproductive abilities, because let me tell you the money I got was tiny compared to the fertility treatments costs. And all because wealthy women want kids. And the fact that I know that I have kids around the country is a bit scary, specially because if I'm not wrong, they can legally seek out their bio parents, meaning I could get one of them at the door calling me mom.

And the peak of female reproductive explotation? They asked me a few months later if I was willing to give them more eggs because "I was extremely fertile and my eggs were of great quality". What the fuck am I?

I said no, because besides I was against the procedure because of ethical reasons, I had gotten a better paying job, so I didn't need that measly money anymore. But what about women that don't have that privilege? They continue to sell their eggs and with each time the risks get higher.

It's a vile thing.

#ask #egg donation #radfem #radical feminism

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ironndred · 5 years

Text

Tinker - Chapter 2

Non-Powered!AU where Peter works for his Uncle Tony at his watch repair shop.

| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |

Word count: 1.5k; Rated T.

Chapter summary: Peter and Uncle Tony have a few drinks as they take things further.

Chapter contains: drinking/intoxication, light and implied incest. Underage: I’ll leave it to the readers to decide, as Peter’s age isn’t mentioned, but the warning’s here just in case.

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Hi guys! Welcome to the next installment! I’ve got a tag list under the cut at the end of the chapter, so let me know if any of you would like to be added to the list! Hope you guys enjoy, and thanks again for reading!

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They continued late into the night, Peter taking this time to ask his uncle questions about his parents. Tony is happy to tell Peter stories about his father when they were kids, recounting how Peter’s parents met, and how their deaths had affected the family as a whole. Before this, Peter had never really thought about his living situation; the reality had never occurred to him that May and Tony were the only family he had left.

He felt an immense love for his Aunt May, especially for the life she’d provided for him, but it was his Uncle Tony that truly captured his heart. His Uncle Ben was distant and hard to talk to sometimes, unabashed moments of affection and time spent together were too far and few in between. That’s where his Uncle Tony had stepped in, his heart open and warm and pliant to the boy’s needs, always with a hug hello and a hug goodbye, or a gentle hand at his back in moments when he felt unsure. And when Ben had gotten sick and died, it was Uncle Tony who once again stepped to the plate and offered whatever he could. It was his apprenticeship at the shop that made the days pass much quicker and the hurt less painful; Tony had given him more than just love and a guiding hand, but a welcomed distraction from the darkness in his life.

“Do you remember your first day at the shop?” Tony reminisced, once again refilling his empty glass. He had been working his way through the decanter while Peter was still working on his third finger of whiskey.

“I think I broke more watches than I actually fixed.” Peter replied fondly, remembering how clumsy he’d been his first couple weeks working.

He thought back to all the dropped, open watch bodies, cracked face panels, and misplaced motor gears. And yet, Tony never once lost his patience with the boy. Once, he’d shattered the glass door of a grandfather clock, slicing his palms in the process and surely costing them a good amount of money to replace it for a customer. But all that stood out from the memory was the way his Uncle Tony had tended to him, cleaning his wounds and a warm thumb worrying the skin on his cheek as it wiped away his tears. The thought made Peter’s cheeks run hot and goosebumps spread across his skin like wildfire.

“But look at you now! Well-trained, if you ask me.”

Peter glowed and Tony swirled the whiskey in his tumbler, taking one, long drink to finish off the glass before setting it down. The boy followed suit, throwing back the last sip of amber liquid from his glass. Peter wondered if Tony could tell that his head was swimming, a heaviness he found both unfamiliar, yet comforting. He feels warm and hazy, his gaze following Tony’s arm from the cuff of his sleeve down lines of blue steel.

“How did you get a doctor to even do a procedure like this?” Peter asked.

“Your dad had friends in high places. Even bionics engineers need their brakes done. After a long string of mannequin arms and half-fixed cars, one of your dad’s old colleagues offered me this,” he paused to flex and flare the panels of his arm, “as a solution. I sold the auto shop shortly after and focused solely on watch repair.”

“Can I touch it?” Peter blurted out, clearing his throat. “Or- I mean- could I get a closer look? At your arm?”

Tony chuckled and made his way to the other side of the table to stand next to Peter, offering his open, metallic hand. Peter was hesitant at first, the older man reaching out even further in encouragement, and the boy wondered if mechanical fingers could tremble. Finally, he sees to Tony halfway, and hot hands meet a cold metal palm.

A soft oh escapes Peter’s mouth in excitement, tracing along the raised edges of metal where each finger joined at the palm. Tony watched on, a lopsided smile creeping up on his face seeing Peter grasp and test his thumb, moving it back and forth, and then around in a circle. His touch then moved from Tony’s palm and up to his forearm. Peter tried to wrap his hand around its’ circumference, getting nowhere close, and squeezed gently, as if to see if the prosthetic would give way.

“Can you feel this?”

“I’d be lying if I said I could.” He wiggled his fingers, Peter’s grip still firm on his forearm, panels rippling with the movement like a real arm would. Tony sniffled. “But you’re the first person to see it this close -- to touch -- since the procedure.”

Suddenly, it dawned on Peter, and thinking back, it all began to make sense. He remembered Pepper, the redhead from Manhattan with the silver Seiko watch. There was Steve, the Brooklyn boxer with the antique pocket Rolex and then Dr. Strange, the surgeon from Greenwich with the emerald green grandfather clock, not too long after. Tony took special care to introduce those he dated to Peter when he felt that they were both ready, though it seemed nothing serious ever came of them. Peter really had taken a liking to them all, never being one to judge too quickly, but he had never considered if any of them had truly taken a liking to him. All that mattered to him were their feelings for Tony. But like the watches they repaired at the shop, they were in one day and out the next.

Suddenly, there was no more closing up shop early and watching Tony get ready for a date night. No more first-and-last time meetings or introductions. Rain or shine, his Uncle Tony was the first face to greet him at the shop, and the only face to wish him good night upon finishing their work. Weekends and holidays were spent together, at the apartment above their store or at Tony’s home on the other side of town.

It seemed for Tony, that’s all there was: his work and Peter.

The boy’s heart pounded in his ears and he once again drew his attention to Tony’s right hand, holding it as gently as his could, almost massaging it in his grip. Softly and slowly, as if the metal would crumble in his grasp, he brought his uncle’s palm up to cradle his cheek. Tony drew in a quick breath, dark metal on pale skin. They stayed like this, Peter feeling the hair on the back of his neck stand hearing the light mechanical whirring upon the caressing of his cheek, Tony looking more and more conflicted with each passing moment.

“Peter...I-”

Tony had remained silent through all this, Peter holding his hand in place. He furrowed his brows and it seemed his eyes were searching for something he wasn’t quite sure of. But Peter knew, deep down in his gut, what was going on between them. And maybe Tony wasn’t quite ready for that conclusion yet, but Peter was sure of his own feelings. And he was sure of the possibility that this was going to be his one and only chance.

“It’s okay, Uncle Tony,” Peter’s eyes fluttered shut, feeling Tony brush a cold thumb over his cheek in response; except this time, there were no tears to wipe away. “You won’t hurt me…”

“Kid, it’s not that simple. There’s a lot more to this that you don’t understand and-”

“And what? I’m too young? Too young to know what this is?” The young man opened his eyes, surprised to see Tony staring right back.

“I’m not a baby anymore.”

“But you’re my…” Tony stopped, his voice is minuscule and barely above a whisper. “You’re my nephew and I care about you. More than I can admit. If someone found out; if your Aunt May found out...”

“She’s my aunt, not my keeper! Isn’t that what you said?” Peter’s eyes were wet, bottom lip trembling and heat crawling up his face. “No one has to know! I won’t say anything; no one will find out! I promise!”

Tony withdrew from Peter, running his hands through his hair in frustration while creating distance between them.

“Kid, please, I’m begging you; don’t do this. You’ve been drinking, I’ve been drinking. I think we just need to sleep all of this off and we can talk about this in the morning.”

“I’m not drunk!” Peter pauses, then backpedals a moment. “Well, actually... I dunno. I’ve never actually...been drunk before, but-”

“This is what I’m saying, Pete! You can’t even tell me if you’re drunk right now, and you expect to figure out how to navigate something like this? Do you even know what you’re asking me for?”

“No. I guess I don’t.” Peter has no hesitation in closing the distance between them, looking up at him doe-eyed and without blinking. “But you can show me, can’t you? You’ve taught me so much already…”

“Peter, don’t.” Tony kept his hands locked firmly to his sides, balling them into fists and forcing himself not to reach out. Peter’s closed the gap; it’s now or never.

“Please, Uncle Tony? Teach me?”

Tony is frozen in place, plush, whiskey touched lips pressed ever so softly against his own.

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Tag list: @starkeriseverything @thaliastxrk

#starker #tony stark x peter parker #tony x peter #chapter fic #non powered au #ironndred #tinker fic #ironspider #tw: drinking #tw: intoxication

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