#about very specific events and struggles — makes this really clear

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

the thing is, for MCR death was always an external force. like, Helena, It's Not A Fashion Statement, even Famous Last Words, etc it's all like, death is this future, potential thing they're fighting back against. (side note: this is very much not true in tone for Gerard's solo album, which is... kind of heavy considering the timeframe it was produced/released and toured for in) but with FOB death has always been this thing right there, in the midst of them. it's a present haunting. I think the difference really comes down to: MCR is fighting death. FOB is breaking up with it.

[headspace-hotel]

College is good for several things. In the USA, it's good for learning facts about history and the rest of the world that high school either didn't tell you or flat-out lied about. Without college, most people would never encounter the academic resources necessary to unlearn lies and biases instilled by the overwhelmingly USA-centric, whitewashed viewpoint taught in most school systems, or the vocabulary needed to ask after those resources.

If (and only if) you are already extroverted and gregarious, college is good for making friends. It's probably good for some other things too.

But college is not very good for many of the things it supposedly does for people. College appears to be good for personal growth, but any environment with unfamiliar people, new experiences, and a large library would do. In fact, the academic rigors of college are probably mostly incidental to personal growth that occurs there. You learn about yourself in college in spite of, not because of, the rigid and demanding academic expectations, which serve to cement you further in what you think you already know about yourself because that is safer than discovering you might be something totally different.

It also doesn't prepare you very well for any other environment, because it is so different from any other environment you might encounter. At least in the USA, there are hardly any communities that are similar to college. College has an environment of communal living among mostly same-aged people, numerous public spaces, an endless hemorrhage of community-run events, and constant mother-henning by the institution as they encourage you to take advantage of all the services they fail to do a good job at providing. Authority figures are clearly delineated from peers and you have a clear hierarchical relationship with people that are not also students. It is an opportunity to practice adulthood, but one that supports you in the wrong ways and fails to support you in the right ones, both stifling and neglectful.

Colleges are brutally insistent on this peculiar style of community structure that you probably won't ever encounter again in your life, all the while being incredibly unforgiving if you fail to adapt to it. There are lots of rules, some of which are plain-attired descriptions of consequences as real as a granite wall, most of which reflect nothing except the fact that someone in authority would like to prevent a specific type of bad-faith exploitation of a more forgiving policy. The pure-hearted student is supposed to be able to ignore these rules and be judged according to the unspoken, more forgiving policy that is invoked when an authority likes your vibes.

This means part of surviving college is cultivating the right vibes, and part of cultivating the right vibes is being abled and not experiencing any extenuating circumstances ever. If you are having a mental health crisis that is stopping you from succeeding, the truth is as good as a lie; of course everyone struggles with mental health in college in these specific pre-cut ways, have you tried breathing exercises? If you are stressed and terrified all the time and whenever you sit still it feels like the universe is screaming through you, you will be abandoned because crisis is rare and interrupts otherwise normal life, and everyone claims to be having a crisis right now. "This system works!" and if we just repeat it hard enough the system will start to work.

If the truth is as good as a lie, then a lie is as good as the truth, and the ability to receive help when you need it is determined not by actually needing help but by being a better liar.

What if people lie to get accommodations they don't really need? I don't know the answer to this, because I find a different question more compelling: What if people lie to get accommodations they do really need?

Institutions are terrified of the possibility of a person that pretends to be disabled, and often they impress that terror into disabled people, who become terrified that THEY are pretending to be disabled, when probably almost all disabled people must pretend to be disabled because the raw Reality of what they experience as a person would be a brain-melting arcane and eldritch encounter for an Institution. Institutions don't see us. They see broad human tropes, masks worn by any number of actors. Some people are diligent students and some are lazy; some hone their potential and talent and others refuse, for whatever reason, to unlock it. This belief is so fundamental to our entire philosophy of shaping and educating students that if it directly encountered the Truth (whatever that may be), the truth would not survive.

If you want to be a good student (and I wanted to be and I was) the mask will become welded to your face and you will forget it's a mask partly because you will like how much better you were treated with the mask on. I sit in a therapy session, thinking, "Why am I framing my pain in a way that makes it seem less complicated and more solvable but doesn't cut to the truth of the matter? Which one of us benefits from that?"

The world is slowly, woundedly crawling into being a performance where everyone competes to pretend that they aren't dying. I have a version of me that struggles with school because I am autistic, but secretly I suspect successful, well-adjusted college students that manage their mental health and friendships and work do not exist in the way we think they must. After all, what of the numerous college students that cheat, that plagiarize, that make ChatGPT write their essays? My professors can all give examples of students that did, and their poor and shoddy attempts, but all this suggests is that the clever and cunning ones seldom get caught. In dealing with institutions, anything an honest person can do through their honesty, a good enough liar can do better with their lies.

[ecoterrorist-katara]

Why I feel like Ka/taang is one-sided, despite textual evidence 

ATLA does try to convince us that Katara has romantic feelings for Aang. For example: she seems thoughtful when she realizes that Aang is a powerful bender; she’s offended that he didn’t want to kiss her in the Cave of Two Lovers; she gets jealous when Sokka says On Ji and Aang look good together.

So…what’s wrong with anti-Kataangers? Do we just lack media comprehension? 

To be clear, on their own, these gestures can indicate romantic interest. But at the same time, we have stuff like “Aang is a sweet little guy, like Momo.” We have her ambivalent facial expression after he kisses her before the eclipse, and her hedging during Ember Island Players, and her anger when he kisses her anyway. In the context of these conflicting cues, Katara’s possibly romantic reactions can absolutely be interpreted in a different way, because: 

Acknowledging a friend as a potential romantic interest is not the same as actually being romantically interested in them. (Imo this is something young women struggle with, due to a combination of romance-centrism and heteronormativity that make women feel like they should be in romantic relationships, and that boys and girls who share intimate and deep feelings for one another must be romantically into each other) 

Wanting someone to find you desirable is not the same as desiring that person. (Which is something a lot of women, especially young women, struggle with. Remember all the discourse around Cat Person back in 2017?) 

Being jealous when someone flirts with your friend is not the same as wanting to be with your friend. (Especially when you see your friends as family, or if you’re accustomed to a specific type of devotion from that friend. It is jealousy, and it is possessiveness, but it doesn’t always arise from romantic feelings) 

Growing up in a patriarchal society means that your desires are always filtered through what men want from you, sometimes in an abstract male gaze-y way, and sometimes in a very visceral and interpersonal way when a boy wants you specifically. And Katara’s reactions are just that — reactions. Reactions to what other people — including Aunt Wu, Sokka, Aang himself — have insinuated about her and Aang. She’s not really proactive in her interest in Aang: we don’t really see Aang, romantically, from Katara’s POV. Under the framework of “Katara is reacting to a romantic prospect she’s kind of uncertain about,” it is completely plausible — and indeed likely — that she would sometimes act in ways that indicate romantic interest, in addition to moments where she indicates the opposite. 

Ka/taang shippers often bring up other evidence, like Katara’s despair when Azula hits Aang with lightning, or how protective she is of him when Zuko joins the Gaang. The thing is, these pieces of evidence aren’t necessarily indicative of romantic love. The fact that Katara genuinely loves Aang makes the whole thing more complicated, not less, because — especially at that age, especially when Aang is twelve years old and grew up in a sex-segregated society of monks — it is really difficult to tell the difference between platonic love and romantic love. Their mutual devotion is layered and complex yet straightforward in its sincerity. What was not straightforward, until the last five minutes of the show, is whether this devotion on Katara’s end is romantic. The romantic arc for Katara and Aang is not really an arc, as Sneezy discusses in this classic ZK video. Katara actually becomes more conflicted over time and we never see an event that clarifies her feelings. She seems more interested in him in The Headband than on the Day of the Black Sun, and she has never been more hostile to his romantic overtures than in the penultimate episode. 

And in light of this, it’s pretty easy for fans to fill in the blanks with a different interpretation: maybe Katara’s weird expression after their kiss at the invasion means she didn’t enjoy it; maybe the kiss made her realize that she doesn’t actually feel that way about Aang; maybe against her will and her better judgement, she’s developing feelings for another person, a person who hurt her and whom she fervently tried to hate until he pulled off what is in my opinion the greatest grovel of all time in the form of a life-changing field trip. Maybe. Am I saying that Zutara has more romantic interactions than Ka/taang? Of course not. But ironically, the lack of romantic interactions means that it’s not inherently one-sided, the way Ka/taang became in the latter half of season 3.

I’m not arguing that Katara’s unequivocally not into Aang. Obviously the text declares that she is, because they get married and have kids. But I am saying that there’s a very good reason that so many people, especially women, see Katara’s interest in Aang as ambiguous. It’s not because we can’t pick up “subtle” hints of growing affection. It’s because we know not all affection is romantic, and it’s really easy for someone else’s insistent romantic intentions to muddle what you want.

P.S. I first started thinking about these topics (platonic vs romantic love, desiring someone vs wanting to be desired, etc) in the context of compulsory heterosexuality, a term describing how queer women contort themselves into relationships with men even if they’re not really into men. I saw a post a few days ago joking about why so many queer women seem to be into Zutara. I wonder if part of the reason is because as queer women, we are very sensitive to the ways in which we can talk ourselves into wanting things we don’t actually want, and Katara’s romantic interest in Aang can be easily seen that way. 

[simping-for-joe]

Head Over Heels

Leon Kennedy X Chubby! Single-mom! Reader

Part 2

Leon’s new neighbor has definitely caught his interest

Y/N: So this is going to be multi-part since I think that'll work best for me. I just wanted to write about a chubby single mom with Leon. I also don't know how many parts

(The title is from "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fear)

Leon huffed a sigh as he reached his apartment building. He threw his bag onto his shoulder as he exited his car. He notices a large moving truck in a parking spot not too far from his.

“Great…” He sighs, hoping that his new neighbors are at least quiet. He walks up the stairs of his apartment building and spots a collection of boxes across the hallway from his door. As he pulls out his keys and turns to his door, he hears a female voice.

“Come on…” He turns to see a woman struggling with a key and her door. Leon tries to turn back to his own business and to ignore you, but sighs as he heads over.

“Need some help?” He asks softly, looking at you.

“Oh! Thank you!” You say shocked by the turn of events. He grabs the box from you as you unlock and open the apartment door. As you open the door for him, you place a small box in the way to prop it open. “Thank you so much.” You repeat yourself looking to him.

“It’s no problem…” He replies and finally gets a full look at you. You looked very soft, and you had a thankful smile on your lips. Your features are round and have some extra weight on your body. You introduce yourself telling him your name. “Nice to meet you, I’m Leon. Your neighbor.” He explains stiffly and a little awkwardly.

"Oh! That makes some sense, sorry. My brain is all over the place." You explain looking around your new empty apartment.

"It's alright, moving will definitely do that." Leon chuckles awkwardly.

"Mom! Did you see-" A young boy runs it, freezing when he notices the stranger with his mother.

"Hey Finn, this is our neighbor, Mr. Kennedy." You gesture to the man beside you. "This is my son." You turn to

"Oh um, please call me Leon." He insists, his body still tense.

"Um... hi..." The boy says shyly. His features looked close to yours, the only thing that didn't look like it was directly from you was his eyes. Leon gives a soft smile to him.

"It's good to meet you." He says kindly to the boy, who is moving closer to your leg. You chuckle softly at Finn's reaction.

"It's alright sweetheart." You assure him, your hand gently going through his hair. Still, he seemed less tense after Leon's introduction.

"It was really nice to meet you," Leon says softly and starts to head back to his apartment with an awkward wave.

It’d be interesting with both you and Finn now living across from him. It didn’t help that he found himself taking second glances at you specifically. He feels his cheeks heat up at the thought but tries to push those feelings away.

It had been a week and Leon kept running into you and your son. You always looked a little tired, but you somehow managed to greet him with a smile every time.

He'd never admit it but he loved when you crossed paths with him. Finn also greeted him with a smile, but he swears that kid smiled like that was his natural state.

You stand in front of your neighbor's apartment anxiously before you knock gently. It takes a moment, but he reveals himself. His blue eyes staring at you.

"Yes?" He asks with a raised blonde eyebrow.

"I... I really hate to ask this." You start out. "Finn's teacher wants a parent-teacher conference with me, but that means no one can watch him and I was wondering if you could..?" You ask him anxiously and nervously.

You watch as Leon's eyes widen, he seemingly needing a moment to fully process completely what you had asked him.

"I..."

"You don't have to say yes, to be completely clear!" You add on anxiously and worried.

"I can do it." He confirms afterward, which shocks you but also a relief fills you. Your shoulders fall after being so tense.

"Thank you so much! I really do appreciate it, like more than you know." You say before hugging him tightly, he freezes for a moment before you feel his arms around you.

"I-It's no problem." He replies softly afterward. He felt a slight blush on his cheeks form, you felt so soft. Your hug was so tight and firm.

"Thanks again!" You head off with a wave and a smile. As Leon stands there in disbelief, what did he just agree to? And why didn't he mind? He shuts his apartment door with a soft smile.

[thankskenpenders]

MORE behind the scenes Sonic info and other tidbits from the BumbleKast as I continue to get caught up. These range from September 2022 to early December. (This means there are spoilers for Frontiers in here.)

They're doing episodes even more often now, so I've got a lot to catch up on and I'm sure most of y'all do too!

1. The IDW comics are, in fact, canon to the games now. Ian was a little coy when first asked about it, saying he "would not argue against it" if people said the IDW comics were canon to the games now. "I have made it clear that the comics follow the lead of the games, so… as long as there's no contradictions anywhere, we're good." So, yeah, come on. The comics are canon.

2. Ian apparently pitched another idea for incorporating Sticks into the IDW series last year that was once again shot down, although he says this only makes him want to dig his heels in and try harder. (I'm assuming most of you are already aware of her shout out in Frontiers, confirming she's out there, somewhere...)

3. If Surge was a streamer, Ian thinks she would just grief people on Fortnite

4. On the October 7th, 2022 show, Ian says there is a behind-the-scenes answer for how the depiction of Silver's future in '06 can fit together with Rivals and Rush... but he can't talk about it right now.

It's hard to convey his tone through text, so just imagine he's saying all this with a big, defeated shrug:

"Here's the thing. Working on something else, I actually did get a straight answer, and it was... frustratingly simple. And, it's like, 'That works. [sigh] Okay!' No, I can't get into it - that's all private work stuff - but maybe it'll come to light eventually. But... there is an answer. And it works. And I kinda feel dumb for not thinking of it."

I honestly have no idea what this could be if it's something Ian hadn't considered, because he has talked about popular theories and readings before, such as the reading that Blaze was transported to the Sol Dimension at the end of '06. Maybe we'll hear about it in the comics, since Silver and Blaze are both back right now, or maybe they'll be the subject of a TailsTube episode.

5. Froggy is not sentient in any way he really is just a frog

6. Unrelated to Sonic, Ian was asked "who is best pony" and he said Fluttershy. My longest yeah boy ever dot jpeg

7. With Surge and Kit originally being pitched as purely synthetic beings before Sega suggested they be cyborgs instead, Ian says they would've struggled with whether or not they're even real, as opposed to the end product where they struggle with not knowing who they were before Starline modified them

8. When the female cast of Archie Sonic stopped getting drawn so busty all the time that was, in fact, a very specific editorial mandate from someone at Archie. Sega, on the other hand, has never cared.

9. Now that we're back to Classic and Modern being part of one nebulous timeline and the divide being more of a branding thing, Ian explicitly confirmed that the Classic-themed IDW Sonic comics are set in the past of the mainline IDW Sonic comics. They're set sometime after the events of Mania, and before all the Modern stuff. Just don't think too hard about it

But hey! If it's any consolation, this now means all the Classic characters like Mighty, Nack, and Honey are out there off-screen in the world of the regular comics, even if the casts are remaining separate for branding reasons for now. It also means Shadow is out there being held in a pod in a maximum security off-shore military prison during the events of all the lighthearted Classic comics lmao

10. Ian reiterates yet again that he's still pushing to try and get the Freedom Fighters back in some capacity where he can (as are others). He also says that he's pushing for them to return as a group rather than requesting individual members because he believes that's the best shot at getting any of them through Sega's approval process.

(I can't remember when the last time this came up was, but Ian has also implied that he thinks their best shot is to return as Classic characters since their one game appearance is Spinball.)

11. Ian outright confirms that the forward-looking character arcs in Frontiers are reflective of what he would like to see out of the main cast moving forward in the games. Not surprising since that's, like... the whole point of those arcs! But nice that he wants it to only be the beginning.

Ian does also say, however, that he's not guaranteed to return as the writer for future games since he's still a freelancer, but to editorialize here, I don't see why they wouldn't want him back for the next project.

12. On the subject of Amy's characterization in Frontiers, Ian personally pins her general seriousness mostly on the fact that she's the companion for the first island, where the mysterious and somber tone Sega wanted for the story is being established and Sonic is still trying to figure out what to do. He says that she'd probably have been more bubbly if she was interacting with Sonic on the second or third island, after he starts to get his bearings. I hoped this was the reason why she felt a little dry compared to Knuckles and Tails, so it's nice to hear this isn't the new direction for Amy or anything.

13. While "officially" Sage's name is just an anagram of Sega and a reference to her wisdom, Ian seems to be cheekily implying that it's also a nod to the annual Sonic Amateur Games Expo. Hell yeah.

14. When asked to clear up some Frontiers lore from the Egg Memos, Ian explicitly confirmed that some of the Ancients left the Starfall Islands and went on to devolve into the Chao as we know them today over the course of tens of thousands of years. He says, however, that this doesn't mean that Ancients and Chao are literally the same species, comparing it to the difference between humans and australopithecus. But yes, they're related.

[thelureking]

I had this idea to make a list of all the games I played in 2022, half as a recommendation list, and half because I struggle to remember when I played what. I have a really bad time ranking stuff, so I'll just list them chronologically (or, as chronologically as I can remember).

Note: Sometimes I dont have a lot to say about a game, but that doesnt mean I didn't like it or that it isn't good.

So, with that being said:

1) Our Life: Beginnings and Always

This game has put visual novels on another level entirely. How must I go on knowing that I will never be treated like royalty by any other game like this did. Our Life tells the story of your friendship and/or romance with Cove Holden, your new neighbor. This Visual Novel remembers an insane amount of stuff you choose, and it can put you in the state of mentioning something you did as a kid that you completely forgot about. I actually really liked how you can go the entire game as just friends, or choose when your character develops romantic feelings. I cannot overstate how well made this entire thing is. Can't wait to play the DLCs and for the sequel to be released.

Absolute recommend.

2) Iron Lung

If you have a computer, you can play it. It is not an option.

Claustrophobic above all, this game captures the pure dread of the unknown, building tension and atmosphere as you travel through this unknown planet's red sea. Highly recommended.

3) An Outcry

Amazing game that I don't see enough people talking about. The first game that made me actually physically ill while playing an alternative route. I don't know what hit me the most, the subject matter or the type of person I played in that route, a person I know exists and maybe I've met, a person I hope I never become. I knew what the game was specifically referencing, but I found it good that it was able to trigger that response on someone who lives in an entirely different place, with different historical events, but with enough similarities that made the feeling of dread and disgust that much real. Its message is clear and loud as it should be, and one that I think maybe now more than ever needs to be heard. I cannot recommend this game enough.

4) Stillwater

Now this is a Visual Novel that I really liked and would have loved for it to be longer, but I love it as it is. It left me wanting more about the world and its characters, and I think that's a good thing. It feels unfair that this is the one I typed the least about, knowing how much I liked it. It's really worth the read/play.

5) The Caribbean Sail

Have you ever wanted to be a sailor or a pirate? Have you ever wanted to grab a ship, sail into unknown destinations, encounter supernatural phenomenons and watch as your fellow crew members die of disentry five seconds after leaving your first port? Because if so, I have the perfect game for you. It's inspired by the Oregon Trail game, and that's literally what the gameplay is like, except on the sea. Which was enough of a selling point for me.

6) Carrion

My child, it has every disease. Loved the concept when I saw the trailer, forgot I can actually buy games now, and then proceeded to do that. Being able to live my fantasies of being a flesh creature that destroys and eats everything in its path was a delight. The creature is my child and I love it very much.

We need more games that let you play as the monster, I'm serious.

7) The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante

This game is both my beloved and the thorn on my side. Who would have thought that in a game like this you would proceed to suffer through life? I said to myself as if I hadn't known what I was getting into. You'll experience loss, you'll struggle to make a name for yourself, your family will fall apart, and you may never kiss your best friend Tommas who gave you a totally platonic ring to commemorate your friendship because the game doesn't want you to.

Or you'll have a different experience than me on my first playthrough.

You follow the titular Sir Brante from the moment of his birth to his last breath, exploring the world he lives in, full of injustices that at times made me go "I do not care about the lots, give me a fucking gun so I can take you to the fucking Twins". There are many branches regarding life paths, the fate of your family and that of the entire city you live in. But don't worry about it now, keep looking at those toy soldiers at the store as a little kid, I'm sure nothing will happen in the future.

8) Princess Maker 2 Refine

And apparently I didn't get enough of walking a kid through life.

Who looks at a game about raising a little girl by managing her monthly schedule and balancing her stats, health and money and says "yes, this is the game I'll play to destress"?

I do that. Don't ask why.

I have only reached two endings, in one my beautiful daughter became the royal painter, her art held as the most beautiful and inspiring in the entire world. In another, my girl made a name for herself by exploring the lands surrounding the kingdom, so fast on her feet nobody could even scratch her; she married a dragon prince and became the teacher of her own fighting school.

And even with all of that, her goddess mother was not happy.

So yes, this is the "divorced dad who got custody" experience.

9) Planescape: Torment

What can change the nature of a man? That is a question posed by one Ravel Puzzlewell, night hag of the Gray Wastes. It is one of the many questions that this game asks, intertwined by the many philosophies it presents. Planescape Torment does not stick to one question, it asks many, and it lets you answer.

It is a beautifully written game, one of the best I have ever read. There is one moment that I do not wish to spoil, but it still sticks to my head months after I experienced it. As a writer, I found myself fascinated by how a certain event was told, all because of the way it was presented.

It feels like an injustice to not talk in length about Planescape: Torment, but I seriously don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't played it yet. A blind experience is fully worth it. All you need to know is that this is the game that made me post for the first time here, two dumb memes for myself and one short analysis that sometimes reminds me that yes, people can interact with it. Shameless link to it here

10) Growing my Grandpa!

If I had to describe this game without saying too much, I would say it's "heartwarming horror". Two words that don't usually go together, but that they perfectly fit here. The story is, like the title says, about growing your grandpa, more like helping a girl grow her grandpa, but still. Strangely sweet and unnerving, I was tense the entire time, and even when I had to replay it to get the second ending (this was entirely my fault, since I could have gotten it way easier) that tension never left.

11) FAITH: The Unholy Trinity

I don't remember how I found out about this game, but I remember waiting patiently for it to get a steam release so I could buy it and play its three chapters all together. The day finally came, and all that waiting was worth it.

The gameplay is simple, yet the developers found a way to have me both crying in fear and frothing by the mouth out of anger every time I saw the game over screen (affectionately). In terms of difficulty, I would say the game is easy until it isn't, looking at you Chapter 2 and 3 Final Bosses, you bastards. Then again, I saw people say they struggled in places I didn't, so I would say it depends on the player.

The story is so interesting and it's still marinating in my brain please I need people to talk about how the prologue of chapter 2 and the one note in chapter 3 relate please. The cutscenes are also so well done, and I had to restrain myself from using one as a second picture because I didn't want to spoil any of them.

All in all, a must play, fully recommend it.

And remember:

GARY LOVES YOU

12) Inmortal Mantis

This is a tricky one. On one hand, the game starts off by basically spelling out every action you have to do, and suddenly it goes full on "fuck around and find out" mode. On the other, the game implements some interesting mechanics that I would love to see developed on a longer game, but I am not going to put the length against it while knowing how hard it is to make a game. And maybe being short plays in its favor.

13) Who's Lila?

This game is my King in Yellow. I cannot stop thinking about it. I finished it with all endings and achievements in a day, and it wont leave me alone. It is always there, forever crawling at the back of my head, stretching itself over my brain and weaving my thoughts into a spiral as easily as a spider weaves its thread. It made itself a home in my mind and I won't kick it out any time soon. I played it because the concept of controlling a character's face in place of a dialogue wheel was interesting, and the story and the way it's presented (hand in hand with the gameplay) lured me deeper and deeper. I cannot even describe it without giving it the praise it deserves. It takes full advantage of its medium. Playing this game is an experience that I can't recommend enough, and I'm surprised it hasn't gotten the recognition it deserves.

14) Someone stole MY LUNCH!

This visual novel is pure fun. The humor is so good I found myself reading the entire thing out loud while wheezing. I actually found out recently that it's made by the same people that made Stillwater, which, looking at it now I should have known. It's good and I'm not still over not seeing that one joke coming; well played.

15) MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF-

... INSIDE A BAG OF MILK is a short visual novel about a girl going to the grocery to buy milk, and the challenge this seemingly small action can be. It is your responsibility to help her through this.

The steam page description perfectly summarizes it: "This is an artistic manipulation with word and form, only then - a game."

[v-arbellanaris]

working on one of my dao fics atm and i'm actually SO obsessed over the obvious conflict brewing between the chantry and the wardens in dao & da2 (and a proper resolution to it ofc instead of just getting dai to bonk us over the head with "wardens evil because ~*blood magic*~")

like it is so SO fascinating to me. ok. with the exception of the dwarven origins (specifically because of the lack of chantry & standing of the wardens in orzammar which! could even be CONNECTED couldn't it, fuck!!!!) and the dalish elf origin, the way the wardens are introduced is so fascinating.

in the magi origin, the conflict between the grey wardens and the chantry is already there in duncan's very INTRODUCTION. from the get go, you're immediately alerted to the fact that greagoir is aggravated by duncan's presence, because duncan is recruiting mages for the grey wardens and he cannot deny duncan a recruit. duncan then conscript amell/surana right out from the circle, before they can be punished as per chantry law, and there's nothing greagoir can do about it. even when amell/surana returns to the tower during the events of broken circle, even once you've resolved the issues in the tower, greagoir does not just drag you back to the circle, despite you technically being an apostate because you are a grey warden before you are a mage.

in the city elf origin (i've only ever played f!tabris tho), duncan's the one who gives nelaros and soris the weapons they need to get the elves back from the castle. carrying those weapons is a crime -- presumably, then, supplying weapons to elves is also a crime. the chantry mother that attends tabris' wedding does absolutely NOTHING to stop vaughn (she lit even steps aside PHYSICALLY to allow him to approach the elves) but duncan, the commander of the grey wardens, straight up gives you a weapon and then conscripts you to get you out of being punished for killing a bunch of humans INCLUDING the arl's son. AND THERE'S NOTHING ANY OF THEM CAN DO ABOUT IT.

BUT... in the human noble origin, it's really emphasised how strong of a hold the chantry and andrastianism has on the couslands. as you're wandering about the castle, there's almost a whole segment that's just making it explicit that you were raised Very Andrastian, in the interactions with the chantry mother there. and duncan is painted in the worst light here, being willing to let cousland die in the castle if they dont agree to the conscription. when you get to ostagar and try talk to the king about it, duncan makes it clear you're a grey warden before you're a cousland and that's now a bad thing. you don't get vengeance for your family -- you can't, because your duty to the wardens trumps everything else. cousland has a lot to be bitter about when it comes to duncan. becoming a grey warden is framed in the worst possible way in the cousland origin -- the most strongest origin in terms of andrastian faith -- and i don't think that's a coincidence. that's SO fascinating to me.

then you get to ostagar and you're introduced to alistair, and his entire character background hinges on what is. ostensibly. a pissing contest between the chantry and the wardens over him -- the chantry, who got him from arl eamon, and put him through templar training vs the wardens who can legally just take him from them and there's nothing the chantry can do about it. he's literally an escaped templar and it's clear the chantry despises that as much as they would despise an escaped mage.

and this is all before ostagar!!!! like?!?!?!?! you can SEE the chantry and the wardens' power struggle, and the chantry is losing

[aro-comics]

Growth (Part 1)

Growth, 1/3 – And … oh my gosh. I can’t believe it took THIS LONG to finish this comic ;A; I feel like I say this every time, but y’all – I STARTED PANELLING THIS ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR AGO. Really. It’s been sitting on my plate for too long, and I’m so glad I can finally share it!

Where do I even begin with my thoughts? For starters, I wanted to say the examples chosen in slide 8 are mainly from larger pieces of media, because they have greater influence on our *general social consciousness*. I don’t necessarily recommend or approve of the source material! I also have more thoughts on these characters, and about amatonormativity in relation to character growth in general, but for the sake of keeping this caption short(er) I will do so on my stories and pin them to my profile for future reference 😂

AUTHOR'S NOTE: For the sake of accessibility (and my own health) I will be making a transcript of the stories in its simplest form, posted here.

If you have any examples you can think of too, please let me know either in the comments or via DM 🐸🐸

I wish I was joking about the events which inspired this comic, but this LITERALLY happened to me, and this wasn’t the only time I experienced some form of amatonormativity or direct arophobia growing up. You may not think things like this are a problem, but this idea of romantic relationships as a crucial part of emotional growth has real world implications. Aros get told that their orientation IS the root of all their problems, or IS THE PROBLEM ITSELF, a lot. And not only is this wrong (and queerphobic), it also causes people to overlook the real issues that we may be struggling with. This can prevent us from getting help we NEED, not to mention the fact that orientation isn’t something that needs to be fixed.

In my personal experience … I don’t want to get into the specifics of the situation described here (Because it genuinely was one of the worst times of my life, and I don’t like thinking about it) – but basically, the help I needed was definitely NOT to get a romantic partner. A lot of my behaviours were very clearly ones that indicated I should have been hospitalized, or at least sent to a highly trained medical professional for intervention. But I never received any care, even though my parents were to some degree aware of what the issue was … and it somewhat appalls me that this family friend would take one look at me and somehow decide the issue was anything less than a serious, medical situation.

I want to emphasize I know none of them did it on purpose, and to be fair, it wasn’t entirely clear what the specific issue was (to the family friend at least). But it does hurt to have so clearly shown signs of crisis, to have done a near 180 in personality and behaviour, and to have it brushed off or implied that this is caused by something fundamental to your orientation. It makes me feel so inherently wrong, and if I’m going to be even more brutally honest I think the amatonormative way I was raised is a big part of the reason why I still struggle with my self esteem as an aro today. Even now, I still get told that maybe my remaining problems and personal struggles will go away if I was willing to give dating a try.

It just makes me so tired.

But, the more I reflect on my orientation and am able to connect with aros and the community as a whole, it has been helping. I don’t think it will go away any time soon, but at least when the feeling (that my orientation is something that’s fundamentally wrong with me) comes up I can tell myself that it just isn’t true. That I know that being aro isn’t a curse, isn’t a flaw, isn’t something that should haunt me for the rest of my life, that it’s something natural and beautiful and that I adore about my community. And I should extend that same care to myself, too. It has been getting easier.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic. Do you feel that others perception of your maturity and growth as a human being is influenced by amatonormativity?

Image Descriptions

Title Card: Cover Image. This Comic series is titled “Growth”. Celia, an east asian girl with wavy chin length hair, is illustrated wearing a cream crop top and yellow pants sitting amongst leaves and yellow flowers on a rocky surface. A watering can sits in the background.

Slide 1: Celia is seen standing from the side, with her arms crossed. She frowns. “When I was going through one of the worst times of my life, a family friend went out of his way to tell my parents that he noticed how unconfident I seemed.”

Slide 2: Scene turns to a memory, depicted as a sketch. The family friend is shown talking to Celia’s parents. “He told them not to worry though, because there was an easy solution. I just needed to find the right person, and start dating them.”

Slide 3: A speech bubble from the family friend illustrates this analogy. On the left is a flower pot with no plant, and a sad face above it. On the right is a blooming flower with hearts around it.

Celia’s note: I wish I was making this up. Blossom was LITERALLY the analogy used here

Slide 4: Back to Celia, who is speaking to the reader now: “It really, really hurt. I knew the reason why I wasn’t the best version of myself wasn’t because I hadn’t found love.”

Slide 5: She stares down at a yellow flower as she continues, “But unfortunately, I think thoughts, and unwarranted comments like these, stem from a deeper amatonormative view of the subject of growth”

Slide 6: “Countless stories which show the hero’s growth as pinned to their romantic arc.” Illustrated beneath is a stereotypical hero kneeling on the ground in front of his love interest. He holds a yellow flower as he says “I couldn’t have become the person I am today without you, your love showed me what’s worth trying for”.

Slide 7: “And on the more toxic side of things, those without romantic love or those who reject it end up as decrepit, cold, emotionally stunted, or sad.”

A few characters from popular, influential, or otherwise notable television shows are depicted here: Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmations, Queen Chrysalis from My Little Pony (Generation 4), Dr. Berkowitz from One Day at a Time, Alan Harper from Two and a Half Men, and Rajesh Koothrappali from The Big Bang Theory. A note indicates to the reader to check the description.

As a disclaimer: The inclusion of these characters do not indicate the author’s recommendation or approval of the original source material – they are only meant to serve as examples of the point to be made.

Slide 8: Scene switches to Celia now watering a collection of ferns, mugworts, and other leafy plants in a greenhouse. She says “As an aro person, it’s tiring to hear the more toxic side of this narrative again and again. It feels like we’re being told we won’t grow, like others can.”

[oddlittlestories]

I love Monk. I’m not really recommending it because, well, it IS about police and it DOES have some fairly ableist content. But I love it.

Monk is an interesting character. He’s introduced as having an “anxiety disorder” that occurred from the traumatic event of his wife being murdered. Over the course of the show, it becomes pretty clear that he was neurodivergent his whole life, but had a serious spike in support needs after his wife’s death. He has one nurse, but he should pretty clearly have two—even if one is a part-time respite nurse. Many of his “boundary violations” obviously come from seeking needed support at inappropriate times. This man should not really be left alone, at least not at the start of the show. He can’t cope. But also getting a new nurse / assistant / I forget the specific word is very very difficult for him.

He’s billed, I believe, as having OCD. But if you just look at his behavior, there are several labels that could fit. Autism would probably be one of them.

A lot of the humor in the show revolves around his disability, which could and may to some feel like the show makes his disability the butt of the joke. With some notable exceptions (fuck you medication episode) I don’t really think this is the case.

Let’s look at the pilot. Sharona, his nurse, goes on a date and leaves him alone on “chicken pot pie night.” She tells him, you’ll be fine! Even my son could cook a chicken pot pie. He cannot cook a chicken pot pie. He is counting out individual peas. To me, this is funny because of how obvious it is that he needs more support.

He literally calls her son for help. This is hilarious because it obviously wasn’t her intention, but her son is actually walking Monk through how to make a chicken pot pie. The literalism - that Benjy really CAN help him cook a chicken pot pie - is funny to me.

I’m also very interested in how the show interacts with both work and the police. Monk is not capable of working full-time, and although he desperately wants to go back at first, eventually he accepts that as a consultant, he can have the flexibility he needs to still find murderers.

The police officers he works with often feel threatened and embarrassed by him, but at the same time need his talents. Jealousy comes up often. And since the main officers are at least duly sympathetic, this gets explored as awful instead of brushed off as campy villainy from antagonists.

I also really like the way gaze is used in the show. Monk comes onto a crime scene and others watch as he makes a bunch of pronouncements, struggles with one anxiety or another, gets support from his nurse, and then explains his pronouncements. I like that it seems like folks are disturbed by his need for support, but that the show frames the support as a positive thing and the anxiety itself as a struggle.

Monk is also a person. He loved his wife. He plays the clarinet. He doesn’t have much time to pursue hobbies or interests outside of managing his disability and doing the work which he loves and seems compelled to do in equal measure. But he IS a person.

Anyways I’m not necessarily saying go out and watch it. It has many flaws and it is ableist at times, and it doesn’t bother to fully unpack how the people in Monk’s life respond to him, nor always to explore his agency and individuality. He is a fussy and fastidious detective, which is a common archetype, but they don’t always go as far beyond that as they should.

Like I said, it’s not House. But I’m gonna probably rewatch all of it now that it’s on Netflix.

[jesncin]

I'm not an immigrant to my country. I'm not part of a marginalized race or religion. But even to me it makes so much sense that Clark isn't immediately going around telling anyone just by knowing how quickly people turn and act so cruel for no reason. How horrible behavior doesn't even need an excuse, just a target. How even without the violence, people can grow... strange in ways I don't want to get into.

Of course Clark approached this Lois as he did. Of course Kal told her, this reporter, his name and origins. Of course she reciprocated. A "normal" Lois might not have even if she had something to do it with, but this one has had so many different experiences growing up big and small. Things that I know people would insist can be easily ignored. The put-downs, the look-overs, the snide remarks... Told she's too smart, too "dumb", too "needy", too "pushy", too "weird", too... too... much. Any Lois is brash and unapologetic. But...

Of course Kal-El and Lois Liando are being so understanding where a more "canon" Kal-El and Lois Lane might struggle. What is canon but stories already told and shaped by other times and points of view? This isn't something you have to alter to fit the demands of a boss or publisher, so you're free to let the characters breathe and truly be themselves as they've been cast here. Different but at the heart still who they are. They're able to see and think instead of acting rashly or use words as daggers. Able to be compassionate as much as possible instead of dramatic. To be kind in a cruel world.

I'm sorry that this went on a while but I've rewritten this so many times over the course of a week and this... is as short and as clear as I'm able to get it. I hope you have a good day.

Hi! Yeah I'm glad that even people outside of the experience can understand how Clark's superhero identity is a marginalized one (especially compared to other heroes). When the concept of "foreign"-ness is brought into the equation, people can be cruel. It's why I personally find takes where "people are mad at Clark for ~lying~ about not disclosing his identity" so distasteful.

There we go!! Yeah you get it!! Lois is still a jaded reporter, it's just that her jadedness now comes from a very specific history and experience. Superman still gives her hope, but now it's because she sees herself in his story. Superman still reaches out to Lois to tell his story, but now it's because he knows Lois would do the story justice as an immigrant writer. I was concerned that people would think Superman sharing his Kryptonian name would be "too soon" to do for the Private Interview event, but I'm glad that readers like you understand why he trusts Lois Liando with it. It's common for people of similar experiences/identities to open up to each other sooner than most- because they know that the other person gets it.

:) A thing I've been saying a lot to people lately is "you don't have to work for DC comics to make DC comics". Canon itself can be pretty nebulous, so why can't fanon (where there are no editors and ideally no gatekeepers) be any different? And just because it's fanon, doesn't mean it can't give you the same (if not more) feelings as canon does. It's probably because I rendered the Private Interview comic to a horrifyingly professional degree (lmao I'm putting that comics Masters degree to use) but I've gotten a weird amount of responses that assume my comic needs to justify itself with canon. When no fanon work owes anybody that. I'm glad readers like you get it, y'know!

Oh my, don't apologize for taking the time to write such kind words (for over a week??!)! I really appreciate it, thank you dearly!

[object-show-analysis]

It’s been a while but TPOT 10 was SO interesting I absolutely have to say Something about it. I would love to go through each team and talk individually about their nightmares but for starters there’s one that Really caught my eye

So for this most recent challenge Two puts one person from each team to sleep to have a nightmare that reflects a fear of theirs with the intention of bringing the teams closer together by having the other team mates save them from it. We’re not given a ton of information on the specifics of this fear from Two. At no point do they say that they’re making them face their Worst fear, but later contestants like Winner and Book come to refer to the subject of their dreams as their personal nightmare outside of a dream sense so we can assume that even if it’s not their worst fear, it is a pretty pressing concern.

These nightmares are Really interesting insights into the worries of some of the characters, and also the responses that their teammates had. It also gave us a lot of really great information that we didn’t previously have, like Winner’s backstory, which a lot of people have been waiting for

While I was excited to see all of the nightmares, nothing stood out to me quite like Barfbag’s. Which I think told us the most about her and her team, despite the lack of obvious attention that it got and I really want to talk about it

Barfbag’s nightmare

The dream opens with the top of Barfbag’s head huge and exposed to her teammates, with different substances in containers above her. Her teammates are confused by what it means, but the substances cause Pin to immediately jump into action, pouring a container of caffeine into her.

The caffeine immediately effects her, which is when Gaty connects the dots as to what the nightmare is about

This is the last time that the actual substance of her fears are acknowledged, as Pin suggests they “commit to the nightmare” and use the substances to wake her up. This is fascinating to me because it shows a clear disregard for Barfbag’s feelings and confirms that this is something she has reason to be afraid of

Barfbag has had to struggle a lot because she is made out of barf. Going so far back as to the first three episodes of BFB, in which she was continuously ridiculed and hurt by the people around her because of cruel assumptions they made about her being stupid because she’s full of vomit

And later in BFB when she’s filled with water for the first time, and she feels much better than she normally does, implying that being full of vomit does actually make her feel very sick

And in the second to most recent TPOT episode (as of now) TPOT 9, where she was turned into a zombie because of what other people put inside, causing a zombie outbreak

This is something she’s shown to have a lot of guilt over now, becoming immediately clear at the beginning of TPOT 10 where she’s hiding from the rest of her team due to fear that they will retaliate against her for the events of TPOT 9, even though she had no active influence in any of those events. Her body was forcibly changed without her knowledge, and she had no ability to stop it. And yet her fellow contestants like Black Hole actively blame her for it.

Barfbag’s existence as a Barf Bag clearly makes her very vulnerable. I’m really glad to see TPOT addressing this reality as something that she’s actively very scared of. And on top of that I think the lack of self awareness regarding this fear among her team mates is Fascinating.

Immediately upon realizing her fear, her teammates exploit it with no care to her feelings about it. And while it works for the challenge, it shows a very clear issue about the lack of respect that people have for barfbag.

I really like the direction that TPOT seems to be going in regards to barfbag and I hope to see this get elaborated on in the future!

[owmylasagna-blog]

Headcanon: I guess post-BPS, Eddy would be really depressed and in a indetity crisis for at very least two weeks (it's too much of a drastic change to him), Edd would do his best to be a sensitive, empathetic friend and help him out while struggling with his own flaws and his bitchy side (I figure they would stop bickering SO THAT MUCH after BPS, at least for a while). tbh I guess Ed would be too happy making friends with the kids or rebulting a sibling relationship with Sarah to notice for some while (He always had been somewhat oblivious to the others' problems, and I figure him being the most popular, beloved, accepted one post-BPS).

What do you think?

Oh yes let’s talk about it! I could see quite a lot of what you’ve mentioned happening for sure. I’m just gonna go into more detail because I can’t help myself and you asked so…

BPS obviously is meant to be THE groundbreaking moment for Eddy’s character. So let’s get into it.

Eddy is a survivor of abuse. And a fighter. He’s got a little of that Childhood Trauma™️ and it does in fact “build [his] character”. See what I did there? Anyway, the point is that just because Eddy has this major turning point, his trauma isn’t going anywhere overnight.

Rachel Connor, one of the writers of the movie who worked specifically on the scenes with Bro, wrote a post where she described Eddy as the Great Pretender which… BIG OOF! As the show progresses Eddy loses sight of who he is more and more as he digs himself deeper into the Bro hole: emulating him more, wanting to impress him more, lying about him more (or perpetuating lies. Who knows!). The whole Great Pretender act isn’t exactly fulfilling. It’s putting more stress on his actual friendships with his pals. His depression in the 5th season (@book-o-scams has written about this) feels like a result of all this.

So when Eddy’s scam goes so horribly wrong that he and his friends are run out of PC, he almost loses Edd’s friendship, only to get publicly abused by his big bro, Eddy is faced with the reality of the person he could become. And that’s when he knows it has to end. This epiphany should be liberating for him in some ways but also sets off a whole self discovery journey. Of course he’d feel a little lost at the start, trying out lots of different versions of himself, before ultimately embracing his multifaceted self into adulthood. Aren’t we all a little lost in our teen years?

After all he’s been through with his brother, the guy has major trust issues. It's clear that Eddy is anxious to belong and be popular, but attempting to fleece the other kids for quarters at every turn isn’t exactly the best way of making friends (except that it’s a bonding activity with the other Eds). And that feels intentional whether he’s conscious of it or not, that what he’s really after is status instead of acceptance. Because if he doesn’t get too close with others he can’t get hurt. Trust issues are really hard to shake. That’s always going to impact his relationships and specifically his interactions with the other kids immediately following the events of BPS. It’s going to take him years to work through that. And I think he will, with time, get better at trusting and getting close to others.

My interpretation is that Eddy would be pretty bummed and depressed for a while despite all the new acceptance from his other peers, just because he’s having to analyze his own behavior more, question his relationship with his bro, with his family at large, with his best friends, with everyone else around him. I often add a layer of him struggling with the realization he might be gay during the year or two following the events of BPS, and that's not the easiest pill for him to swallow either. I think he’d still put up walls to protect himself and try to find ways to be liked and accepted, to be entertaining or prove himself. I don’t see him immediately being as outgoing with the other cul-se-sac kids as he is within the Eds, but I think at his core he is actually a cool and interesting guy and that comes through. On the flip side, I think he’d mostly work on being more honest and vulnerable with Edd and Ed in the months and years following which just strengthens their bonds more and together they learn to be better people to each other! Woohoo!

We’re moving on: Edd. BPS is a trial of his friendship with Eddy and they came out the other side much more sympathetic to one another. The tension that grows between them during the series run is as much a result of Eddy’s desperation as it is a result of Edd’s anxiety getting way worse. So yes, where I do see Edd helping Eddy through some of his depression following BPS, I also see Eddy helping ground Edd with some of his own issues that are percolating to the surface more. Just two little emo outcasts being there for eachother. Couldn’t be a recipe for a little gay awakening. No chance. (I’m being sarcastic, y’all. You know my schtick). I still think they’d bicker, though. Like a lot. It’s just core to their personalities. Fights just wouldn’t come to blows in the same way. It’s a lot harder to stay mad when you can see the clearly labeled buttons you’re pushing, you know?

Outside of his relationship to Eddy, Edd also seems to be shifting away from being blindly obedient towards authority like in the series. Nothing like seeing a man-child beat on an actual child to really wreck your world view. Up until that point, Edd is a textbook rule follower. I think there is an interesting perspective shift, seeing the world as Eddy has, that will shake his idealism and optimism ever so slightly. Thus starting a tiny little rebellious streak. Again, can’t reiterate enough that turning 13 is such a bitch. The mental toil.

Ed. Oh, Ed. Ed kinda has his whole thing figured out already. I sometimes describe Ed’s heroic act in BPS as him getting his brain back a bit after the school season episodes. I think the kid just dissociates especially hard when he is at school which makes him seem extra random in these episodes. We all gotta cope somehow. Anyway, I do also weirdly think Ed would get on with the other cul-de-sac kids pretty well on his own: he already has decent rapport with the likes of Jonny and Rolf so it would be interesting to see these relationships explored more. In the show he already seems the floater type. Maybe Ed becomes Jonny’s only friend when he becomes the new “outcast” of the cul-de-sac.

I think his consistency is really going to help Edd and Eddy through whatever ups and downs they go through. He’s the type to lighten the mood or give a sympathetic ear or listen to a rant without judgment. He has and always will accept them just as they are, and himself just as he is, and that does wonders for the group’s morale. Also, with Eddy dialing back on the Bro act I can see Ed also being kinder (he’s often feeding off the bad examples) and really embracing the surrogate big brother role for Eddy. I’d love for that relationship to be strengthened more too, and Ed to come to his defense and protection more readily in the way he does with Sarah. At first it would probably annoy Eddy to no end but he’d reluctantly get over it because deep down it feels good to be cared for. Soft like mashed potatoes indeed.

More than Ed rebuilding the relationship with Sarah is Sarah sticking up for her brother to her parents. I think she’d definitely come around to recognizing she’s abused her privileges as the favorite child and also grateful that her brother didn’t turn out That Bad considering. While she’s mending things with Ed I think she’d still take out her younger sibling rage on Eddy (I like to think she sees him as a bonus brother she never asked for). I don’t think they necessarily hate each other or anything, they just have that energy of two scrappy alley cats who have to hiss and swat before parting ways.

[tortor-sauce]

What if Reth and Jel knew each other beforehand because they have a bit of a saucy history unbeknownst to Tish, and Jel now deliberately avoids Reth because he can't let Tish find out about the scandalous events that took place in some dark corners of Bahari City?

SORRY THIS CAME OUT LONGER THAN I WAS EXPECTING LOL;;

So, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Specifically, the reason behind why Jel and Reth would no longer talk as frequently if they did have a thing once before. Or at least not openly. They're very clear in explaining the effects of straying from one's path in their culture and, seeing as how Jel is actively trying to pave his path and be worthy of his family name, I think even being associated with someone like Reth would somehow tarnish his own image. WHICH,, like sounds so bad but I feel could be one of the main contributors as to why he's been so hesitant to approach Reth at all. Plus I live for the angst heh..

(spoilers ahead) During Jel's quest when helping him with Kenyatta's gown, if you choose to speak with Kenyatta and appease her as the person wearing the gown rather than Eshe who is technically his client for paying, I find it monumental that he really seems eager to explore his more creative and free side even if it means going against the grain. I think he struggles deeply with doing things the "right way" (perhaps due to his family and culture) versus wanting to let his creative spirit be free. Though ultimately he ends up appeasing Eshe as his client, after all, but I think the act of at least exploring more options than just the "right way" is important to his character development.

I bring all this up to say that if Jel and Reth had something secret back in Bahari City, I think Jel would continue to feel those persistent desires of wanting to explore Reth as a person. I imagine being around someone like Reth, someone who has strayed from his path, is now living and dealing with the consequences, and has lived his life so self-sacrificing to do what he wants/thinks is best despite the pressures of society would help put his own worries at ease... or even make them feel minuscule in comparison and give him more courage to face his own problems head-on. Or idk just be desirable in its own right. Craving something different than the norm and finding beauty in unexpected places does seem to be his forte after all hhehe.

I.. uh :^) imagine them meeting in secret at night after Reth leaves the underground and Jel is out standing by the lake. The secret nightly meetings becoming a sort of sanctum and place of safety and freedom for the two of them to finally just be themselves without having to worry about pleasing anyone else or following anyone else's rules.

Not to mention, with how close Tish is with the both of them I imagine they'd want to keep her mind at ease and not want to worry her. Or, if it ever came to it, to make her choose between the two of them. Though I personally feel she would always choose her brother no matter who it is (sobs quietly curled in the fetal position). So I think when the three of them meet in the evenings it's a nice time for them to watch the fruits of their efforts in keeping Tish happy... even if they exchange a knowing glance each other's way every so often (dies). But now that I think about it, I think Tish is the type of person to be totally happy her best friend and brother are in love with each other!? Aaaah so many different perspectives to explore~~~

[rabbithaver]

i finally decided to actually write out some of my major headcanons for Silver. i like him a lot as a character and i think people overlook him too much lmao

I genuinely believe that Silver has been decoupled from the timeline completely. This means that changes to the future made in the present do not affect him. He may not remember the specific events of 06, but he absolutely remembers growing up in an apocalypse and frequently has lines that support this in the comics. Him being unaffected by changes to the timeline explains why his personal history has not changed, despite the future being saved multiple times. ALSO, Ian Flynn has confirmed that Silver is not in control of when or how he travels through time -- I believe that whatever or whoever is sending him back and forth is the same thing that separated him from the timeline.

Silver is deaf, pushing about 70% hearing loss. It's not congenital -- his hearing sucks because he's from a timeline where things blew up constantly and he had no hearing protection. He relies mostly on lip-reading and guesswork, but wants to learn ASL when he gets a chance... if he gets the chance. Time is wibbly-wobbly for him. (I should note that this one is personal to me -- I myself am HoH due to otosclerosis and I'm definitely projecting my declining hearing on him lmao)

I know Silver is canonically the exact same height and weight as Shadow and Silver, but I personally don't find that very... likely. All three of these dudes are 3'3" and 77lbs EXACTLY? Nah. Shadow and Sonic, maybe, but not Silver. I headcanon Silver as being smaller and lighter than the other hedgehogs because he grew up in a timeline where food was hard to find, and thus didn't grow as much. He's very scrawny and basically has almost no meat on his bones, but you'd never guess because he's got The Fluff.

Elaborating on the food thing: his relationship with eating is probably totally screwed. Think about it: he spent his whole youth eating whatever he could get his hands on, and he probably had to eat as quickly as he could so he could stay on the move. The idea of eating to enjoy the flavor is like, completely alien to him. He also tends to stash food away for later, as he's not used to knowing when his next meal will be. He does it entirely out of habit, even when food is abundant.

Silver's immune system probably sucks. Every time he goes back to the past, he catches some illness. This is largely because he's not used to the pathogens 200 years earlier, but I also like to imagine this is because he's got some sort of autoimmune disorder.

You cannot tell me this boy does not have asthma. I am aware that this is kind of a fandom in-joke, but it makes total sense. If he grew up in a world of smoke and flames, his lungs probably look like burnt toast. Someone get him an inhaler please.

Silver has PTSD and severe anxiety, both due to his personal history growing up in a hellscape and also because repeatedly going back to the future to find his time in disarray due to events in the present is probably traumatic as all hell. His biggest trigger is most likely building collapse, but I can't imagine he doesn't have kind of a hard time with explosions after the Eggman War. His cheerful optimism and helpful attitude is his effort to deflect from his trauma.

Expanding on the anxiety thing; Silver struggles when he doesn't have something to do. We actually see this in canon in the 2022 Annual story "Future Growth." He has no idea how to function when he doesn't have a mission to focus on. Being in the past with no clear directive is insanely triggering for him and he totally fails to cope.

While I'm talking about his mental illnesses, I want to make it explicitly clear: he is REALLY good at hiding this stuff. His friends in the Resistance/Restoration don't find out about his issues for years, and this is specifically because he instinctually hides anything that could be perceived as a weakness. He's been conditioned to hide any and all weaknesses because it was the only way to survive in the post-apocalypse. Being visibly affected by your trauma is a quick and easy way to get dead, so he simply... doesn't. This kid cannot stop masking his trauma at all until he's literally at his breaking point.

There is no way he doesn't have intense Survivors' Guilt. Going back to the Metal Virus arc in the comics, he's the only survivor of a shuttle crash in Issue #25. All of those people died. They actually died - if they were zombots, they would've survived that crash, but because they were still healthy, they didn't have the ability to recover. Silver probably feels that because he was trying so hard to get survivors to the shuttle, he led those people to their deaths. I specifically am pointing to his dialogue here as evidence of this:

He probably dreads going back to the future. Like, think about it. He's admitted to being lonely (IDW #8) in his own time -- probably because his history separates him from the average person! The only friends he really has are in the past, the vast majority of whom are likely long dead by the time he's born. And while his friends are always happy to see him, I can imagine he has a lot of anxiety thinking about the fact that they inevitably start to associate his arrival with something bad coming down the line. That's rough, buddy.

He's very proud of his ruff and he takes really good care of it. It's super thick and very soft. However, when he's having a rough time, he's not as thorough, and it tends to show. If you know him really well, you can get an idea of his current mental health just by looking at the state of his chest fur. A happy Silver is fluffy, a struggling Silver looks like he was left in the washing machine.

Silver has a really hard time with media that involves apocalyptic worlds. He knows that it's just fiction, but it reminds him of the fact that he's the only one who remembers the apocalyptic hellscape he grew up in. It reminds him that as much as his friends want to support him, they can't truly understand what he's been through; his background is only real to him. It just leaves him feeling lonely and sad, so he avoids it as much as possible.

Silver doesn't sleep well in real beds. Maybe it's just a lifetime of growing up surrounded by an apocalypse, but he has a really hard time getting comfortable in a real bed. For months during the Eggman War, he'd spend hours tossing and turning before finally giving up and curling up on the floor in a corner. It's just not what he's used to at all.

anyway i think about him a normal amount :)

[bleue-flora]

Well, now I feel challenged /lh /j.

I think that cDream being autistic make sense quite a lot BUT I definitely think that it is not a root of all / most misunderstandings - at least at the beginning, he was being absolutely challenged by cWilbur and cTommy and I think that he did the only logical thing, trying to protect his server and friends. His friends later turning their backs on him bc he was unable/unwilling to explain his reasons and feelings adds to the autistic theory but as a toxic cDream apologist I can not help but blame them for just abandoning him without really trying to understand him - like, even if he could explain himself better, I really don't think that would change that much - the root of all problem here would be more other people being unable to understand HIM, not the other way around (although cDream definitely made some wild assumptions(or didn't understand how some people think at all) regarding certain people (*cough* Sam) that backfired spectacularly)

(again, this is meant to be completely light-hearted, I like your hot take, just wanted to challenged it. This is also my first time trying to analyse dsmp outside of my brains so sorry if it's weird 😅

Nah not weird, welcome to the fun! Glad you’ve decided to share. (Hopefully this won’t deter you from pitching in in the future. <3) Don’t worry it’s all light hearted around here, as far as I’m concerned this blog isn’t about arguing it’s about discussion. Agree, disagree, further add, I just have a good time talking about my obsession. :) Generally speaking, to me I don’t think it’s about right or wrong (though to be clear I am always right/jk lol XD) because I think there is typically a bit of both mixed in and there is always something to take away.

Anyways… yea so challenge accepted lol. (just as fyi I did write this and the essay kinda simultaneously so umm whatever I don't cover here is probably in that... somewhere....). Now, I did pick my wording very specifically and it’s ok to kinda miss exactly what I was saying. So just to clarify, I did say ‘a’ root because while I believe it is a huge factor at play I do recognize that it is by no means the only factor at play. Along the same lines, you are exactly right, it is not just about him failing to understand or communicate but also largely about them misunderstanding him. It is very much a failure on both sides and assumptions made that cause this miscommunication. When I mean misunderstanding and miscommunication I mean all around. Though I also agree. As an autistic person (and a c!Dream apologist) I do tend to see it more as a failure to understand c!Dream and a lack of willingness to try on the part of the others. Because as an autistic person I am often the one without the information to realize that something has gone wrong. I may not recognize when I’ve broken an unspoken rule or when I’ve failed to communicate properly. But even if I did the other people have to be willing to hear me out in the first place and understand my actual intention.

With that in mind, it does go back to the very beginning. I challenge you to watch the early streams (especially when c!Wilbur gets involved) and see c!Dream struggle to be heard and get his viewpoint across. The founding of L’manberg? Make no mistake it was in large part due to declaring c!Dream the unfair tyrant and villain. And it was easy for them to do so because a) c!Dream is at a disadvantage to communicate the latter. - And it’s not for a lack of trying. Because he does try, he pulls out dictionaries, he pulls out former events, he tries so hard to get them to hear him, but time and time again they miss it. And make no mistake that is on them, as you said they are to blame here. -

And, b) because c!Dream is different that spurs people to think he is wrong, often more subconsciously. (I’m not going to get into too much more detail on this point as this is already so long and I meant for it to be shorter…. oops. So I am aware this is overly simplified and likely poorly worded, but I'll try and cover it more in the essay.) But yes not only is miscommunication and the misunderstanding at play but also misunderstanding in relation to their perception of each other. Both their misconceptions about c!Dream - taking c!Tommy and c!Wilbur’s words at face value, making poor assumptions about him, and fearing/hating what they don’t quite understand - and his poor assumptions about them (don’t even get me started on c!Sam…), often stemming from their brains being literally different.

[bookwyrminspiration]

KOTLC question. What if Sophie has to make the ultimate decision and ends up killing someone (Vespera, fintan, Gisela, etc.) either to end the war, a moment of rage, or as a last ditch survival attempt. What do you think the fallout would be? How would you approach a story where that specific scenario ends with her getting arrested?

A fascinating premise. An elf who not only can commit violence, but who can kill? We've only seen that a few times before, and each in the Neverseen--Gethen with Cyrah/Forkle, Brant with Jolie, Fintan with Kenric, Gisela with Vespera--so Sophie killing creates this immediate blurring of the lines. Is she a good person? Was that the right thing to do? It very effectively highlights the series' message about how good and bad aren't simple, that the lines are blurred and you can switch sides at any time.

And the reactions from the people around her--there's been a very clear message from the Black Swan and associated that they don't want to sink to the Neverseen's level. They're going to do this, but they're going to do it right. Which doesn't include killing. Killing is still wrong, even if it gets you what you want.

So as much as they love Sophie, how do they look at her the same ever again? What are they supposed to want in her trial? Because her actions are ones they can't just ignore, but it's Sophie. Or is it Sophie? Do they still recognize her? This wasn't how it was supposed to be. What do they even say to her? I imagine the adults would think they failed her, not catching the signs she was turning into someone who thought this was okay.

And this doesn't even begin to touch on how Sophie's feeling throughout all this. She's arrested, she's put on trial, she's convicted but she literally can't let herself agree with it or she risks her sanity. She has to be right was she right? or she'll fall apart. And even so, all she's ever wanted was to be normal and fit in. Even if she saved the world with her kill(s), she sacrificed her deepest desire, because there is nothing normal about an elf who kills. Not even in her friend group of weirdos

Of course they're concerned and worried for her, glad she's alive and glad she saved whoever or whatever she did (a friend, the world), but they'd be scared, too. Of her. Because this shifts everything, even more so than the fire. And it reminds them again how different she is; they've made a nice group, but she's not like them and never will be. And they'd have to face this head on--which is only going to exacerbate Sophie's mental struggle seeing it happen, watching them all realize the difference between them. I think they'd want her to be released, but because they think she's given enough at this point and everything should be put behind them, not because they disagree with the verdict, if that makes sense. Like how Sophie's sentence was marked as already served at the end of book 1. Like yes that was not okay, but you've suffered enough.

In the event Sophie kills someone and is arrested, I'd really want to emphasize the emotional reactions of the people around her and that distance. Emotion and relationships are incredibly important to her and her character, and I think it'd be a very effective medium to paint this picture of doubt and fear and shock and the questions of morality. But there's so many ways to do it and so many facets, and none of them more correct than the others