#about what happened and they get proper closure and start on their path to becoming the besties they are later

[roberrtphilip]

I like to think Robert and Nancy's relationship post-breakup consists of her giving him shit for almost cheating and he just has to sit there and take it because what can he do, fight back ?? she's right !!

[blushing-titan]

Reasons why I believe the cabin vision was Mikasa’s dream - and not an AU

I briefly touched upon this topic in my previous Mikasa/Anti Eremika-themed interpretation, but in this post I’d like to elaborate further - why do I think that the vision from chapter 138 was Mikasa’s dream, and not an actual AU flashback? As in my previous post, a little warning first: there will be spoilers, as I’ll be using panels from the manga.

1. I want to go back...back to our home

Many fans interpreted this as Mikasa having a flashback to alternate reality, in which she and Eren share a cabin in the mountains - a reality in which they’re both living safely and peacefully. However, it’s important to remember that for Mikasa, the meaning of home is very symbolic - it’s been shown ever since the first chapters of the manga:

After losing her biological parents, she feels like she has nowhere to go - her home was just taken away from her. She’s cold and scared...but then, as dr Jeager invites her to live with his family, Eren wraps his scarf around her and says:

...to which she simply replies: ...okay. Let’s go home. She has just been saved, and despite all the horrible things that happened previously, she has a home again - a home symbolised by the good-hearted boy who wrapped his scarf around her when she was cold. In the following years, this fact becomes a source of her strength and will to fight...

...but, as the time goes by, the boy who saved her changes and seems to be drifting away from her. She feels like she’s losing him, so this time it’s her turn to ask:

My point is that ever since they met, Eren has always symbolised home for Mikasa. He has been her safety, anchor and source of strength - which is why it’s so hard for her to accept that, after all his wrongdoings, he may not be the same person that he was when he wrapped the scarf around her. I believe that’s what she meant by saying: I want to go back to our home - in fact, she even thinks about his old self right before the cabin sequence starts:

Now, onto the second argument...

2. Mikasa idealizes Eren in her mind.

I’ve seen opinions that Mikasa views Eren through rose-colored glasses - and it’s not entirely untrue. When he saved her, she created an idealized image of him in her mind - she perceives him as a good-hearted, caring person who would never willingly go against his friends or hurt any innocent people. No matter what he does, she still tries to see him through this filter. It’s the reason why she often misunderstands him.

(Notice how even Armin is concerned by Mikasa’s answer.)

In another example, Mikasa tries to justify Eren’s actions by saying that he had done it all out of care for his friends.

Knowing all that, it makes perfect sense that the Eren from her dream would be an idealized version, too. He openly acts affectionate with her and is devoid of any fiery or violent character traits of the original Eren. Instead of hurting (or saving) anyone, he runs away with Mikasa to spend his last years peacefully, just with her. 

Many fans caught up that this version of him is quite OOC, as it goes against everything that his character represented up to this point. He has always been a fighter, dedicated to his goal of achieving freedom. Therefore, the decision to run away from problems (...along with his general behaviour in the cabin vision) just seems off to many people...but what about Mikasa’s goals? Quite frankly, they perfectly align with what’s shown in the dream - she just wants to be with Eren and keep him safe from harm...

...and yet, with the way Eren is, it’s simply impossible for her in reality...

...so she creates this scenario in her mind, as a way to comfort herself. In fact, it may have been suggested that she’s been dreaming about living away from danger with Eren ever since her training days - she even proposes that they could go back to the settlement together. Ironically, Eren leaves as she’s speaking, without her even noticing - instead, he wants to get stronger to keep on fighting.

3. Author’s note

A while after ch.138 came out, the information about the particular author’s note appeared on the internet. It said (35) draw Mikasa’s ideal, which (to my understanding) suggested that the vision was based on Mikasa's ideal answer to the question asked by Eren a few chapters earlier.

As we know, her answer was family. Later on, she wonders if she could have changed anything by giving him a different reply. Therefore, I believe the cabin dream was based on what she really wanted to say back then, and how she wanted for the following events to unfold.

I’ve seen many fans theorize that the vision was a flashback of the AU in which she gave him a different answer. I’ve said that in my previous interpretation, but I’ll gladly say it once again - Mikasa’s reply shouldn’t have such a huge impact on the future of the entire world. She should never feel guilty about it, as, at the end of the day, Eren went on with the rumbling and it was his decision. I really dislike how much weight the AU theory puts on Mikasa and her answer, when in fact, if Eren really wanted to give up on his plan, he simply would have done it. He had a lot of occasions to stop, one of which being a collective plea from all of his friends - including Mikasa. 

In fact, if he really wanted to run away with her, he could propose this idea himself - however, the fact that it’s clearly stated that her “correct” answer was required for it to happen makes me strongly believe that the vision was indeed Mikasa’s dream, based on her ideal reply.

4. Plot mechanics

Due to the fact that Mikasa’s See you later, Eren appears in the first manga chapter, many people speculated that it must be because Eren somehow saw a glimpse of an actual AU, dismissing the possibility that he could have seen Mikasa’s mindscape. Personally, I’ve never understood this argument - mostly because we already have a few complicated (...and not fully explored) plot mechanics in SnK that could explain this phenomenon - one of them being paths/founder titan’s power.

Ackermans are supposed to be immune to the founder’s ability to alter memories, however Mikasa is still a subject of Ymir. Therefore, as shown in the manga, she can manifest in the paths, meaning that Eren is able to connect and talk with her telepathically. Thanks to that, I don’t think it’s impossible that he may have seen her dreams/memories through paths, even without altering them - and from there, transfer these memories to his child self. Even more - this could also have been done by the original founder - Ymir Fritz - who’s been observing the entire interaction. At this point, it’s implied that she doesn’t have to be ordered by anyone anymore, so it’s perfectly reasonable to think that she acts out of her own free will.

Taking this into consideration, what’s the point in introducing an entirely new and confusing plot device (ability to experience AUs) when the story is one chapter away from finish? In my opinion, there are enough matters that need proper closure and questions to be answered in these final 45 pages - adding a new plotline only complicates everything more, when it should be the time to close up all the already existing ones.

That’s all from me today! Hope I managed to get my points across - thank you very much for reading! ❤️ All the manga panels used above obviously don’t belong to me - all credits go to the author!

[sinner-as-saint]

Love Made Me Crazy - 1.

CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Part 1 of the Love Made Me Crazy series

Run-through: It was all strategic; a plan meticulously constructed by you and your business partner; against James Buchanan Barnes. Not to take him down, no. But just to be one step ahead of him in the business world by uncovering his secrets; to learn his ways and hope to be better than him in every way possible. The façade you put up – of being close to him and earning his trust was supposed to be short-lived, most importantly; harmless. But then as always, things got a tad bit more complex when feelings intervened…

Themes throughout the series: ceo!bucky, angst, smut, fluff, manipulative reader, mob!bucky (it’ll make sense later I promise)

a/n: here we go… another mob story. Also, flashbacks are in italics. And if you are not okay with any of the themes, kindly, click away. 

The science behind heartbreak was rather simple.

Dopamine and oxytocin are hormones which influence our behavior when we say that we’re in love. Then, when your heart gets broken; these hormone levels drop and are replaced with the stress hormone – cortisol, which then makes you feel all shitty and miserable apparently.

You had read about the above in some magazine article; and it was rather detailed but you didn’t pay much attention then. You wished you had. Although, the article did talk about all the pain and suffering one faces when their hearts get broken, and then went on to talk about how to properly deal with it.

But it never mentioned which hormones skyrockets or drops, or what you should do when you’re in a situation where – due to your own reckless acts – you’re forced to make a call and break someone’s heart just a week prior to what was supposed to be your wedding day.

Which is exactly the kind of situation you were in right now; sat in your private plane, phone in your hand, you had a decision to make.

You could either just disappear from his life, and never see him again, but live with the constant anxiety that one day you might have to confront him. Which will be both embarrassing and awkward.

Or, you could call him and come clean. Apologize and have a proper closure and just take any insult he throws at you. Because even you were aware that what you did was heartless…

 Around year and a half ago, Tony approached you with a game plan. Tony was your dad’s childhood best friend, also his business partner. You knew him since you were born. And when your dad passed away, the family business became your responsibility and you and Tony were one of the best duos when it came to business. You were at the top of the hierarchy here, but there was just one person above you – Barnes.

“Tony, you want me to what?” you asked, a little surprised at what he proposed.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, as though he predicted your reaction.

“Look honey, it’s simple. All I’m asking for is a month or two of your time and we can be ahead of Barnes. Better than him even.” He used his words right. He knew the moment he’d mention your number one competition, you’d agree immediately.

You gave it a thought. Your job, this company was everything to you. And you were ready to do anything to take it to the top and make your family, most importantly your dad, proud. Besides, how bad could it be? You had complete trust in Tony.

“What do I have to do?” you asked and you could see the excitement on Tony’s face.

He explained how he wanted you to ‘get familiar and close enough to Barnes’ and earn his trust and act as a spy and uncover all his secrets and business tactics; find out about where he invests and why. To know how Barnes functioned, and how is it that no one can ever surpass him. To discover how is it that he’s always at the top.

You listened to Tony and tried to read in between the lines.

“So you’re pimping me out to Barnes so that I mess with his head?” you put it in simpler words, raising an eyebrow at Tony and smirking.

Tony was quick to defend himself.

“No, no, no your dad would come back and kick my ass if you put it like that.” He said and you both shared a laugh over the thought of your dad. “I’m asking you to… befriend him. And help us outdo him. You know we’ve tried, but the only way you and I can succeed is by learning how he does what he does.”

You were silent, thinking.

“Things like these are common in our world. Besides, you won’t be causing any harm to anybody. When time comes, he’ll find out. It’ll be okay, trust me.” He spoke again, and waited for an answer from you.

You thought it over. What’s the worst that can happen? He’ll find out the truth and give you a death glare, then perhaps you’d say something sassy and walk out of his life dramatically after winning.

Easy.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

 ---

Walking into his life was easy. You met him at an extravagant party; the man himself, James Buchanan Barnes was the host. He was handsome; any woman’s perfect dream. Long hair, well maintained facial hair, tall and strong. And very, very powerful and proud.

The kind that when he walks by, everyone turned their heads to look at him. Not look, but admire rather. He was charming, and effortlessly flirty. He was what everyone aspired to be or to have.

Lucky for you, you were an expert at this game. And you approached him with confidence and a playfulness which he could not resist. With luck on your side, he was whipped rather quickly – which Tony teased you about and you rolled your eyes.

And it wasn’t long before you and Bucky – which was his preferred nickname – started spending much more time together. You intended to keep a distance, but somehow; you could not resist him.

Little playful dates turned into more frequent date nights, and sleeping over at his place became a daily thing.

You and Bucky became closer than you expected, and often while ranting about work and all the things he has to take care of – he spilled it all. Everything you and Tony wanted to know; his tactics, his secret allies, how he deals with competition, how he carelessly takes out those in his paths and more.

You kept feeding the information to Tony, who happily took them and applied them to your company and within the first few months, you guys were no longer below Barnes, but parallel – which meant that Tony’s plan was working.

-

“Okay kiddo, time to come home now.” Tony implied that there was no need for you to stick around Barnes any longer.

But you were quick to say, “Maybe I should stay for a while longer. You know, just to make sure we know everything there is to know. He’s James Barnes, you never know when he may come up with something new and unexpected. I should stay, just to be sure.”

-

Tony didn’t argue with you.

And just like that, what was supposed to last a month or two, was reaching its one year mark. But you blamed it all on ‘wanting to see if there’s anything more you can get out of him’ when in reality, you started becoming attached to Bucky. Even though you would never admit it.

How could you not? He was everything one could ever want. Attentive, loving, caring and nice. To a point where sometimes you felt guilty for messing with him like this.

You had many opportunities to walk out of his life, but you purposely turned blind eyed to them.

He had begun falling for you too. He had no close family so you were the only one he could call his own. Each day spent with you, each night spent loving you only had him falling harder and harder.

-

“Will you be mine?” he asked, one day while you were on a date. And you could’ve said no, and told him the truth, you could’ve walked away then. But you didn’t.

“Yes.”

-

You were being foolish, you knew. Was it love? You didn’t know yet. If it was, then it sure as hell had the power to make someone act all crazy and agree to things which would inevitably come crumbling down in the future.

And just like that, he gave your relationship a label.

Tony was furious when he learnt that you were now James Buchanan Barnes’ official girlfriend.

-

“You give up this silly relationship façade, tell him the truth and you come home right now, kiddo! I’m about to get real mad if you don’t.”

Tony called you the minute he learnt the news. He had kept you hidden from the world – your dad’s wish, and he surely did not want you to get publicized like this, not in the arms of your number competition.

“I don’t love him, Tony. I’m just playing along to the game you started. I’ll be home, give me time. There’s something major happening here, and he won’t tell me what. The minute I know, I’ll be home I promise.”

-

You never quite figured out if what you said that day was true or not. Did you love him?

But the other half was a hundred percent true – something was happening. A huge deal maybe? Or perhaps he was expanding his company? Whichever it was, you intended to find out.

Tony ended the call on your face and you didn’t hear from him in a long while. And in the meantime, you figured out what it was. A major deal which entailed way more money than you could ever imagine. And Bucky boasted about how there was no way anyone else would be able to snatch and strike this deal the way he could.

But little did he know that someone could. You and Tony could.

You fed the necessary details to Tony and he did what he did best – snatched the deal right off Bucky’s hands and took your company to the top – where Bucky used to be once.

Bucky was shocked when this happened and he wasn’t himself for many days.

-

“Who’s this Stark, and his mysterious business partner?” he asked one day, skimming through articles on tabloids which only talked about you and Tony and how your company was skyrocketing – luckily, thanks to your dad and Tony, your name was not allowed anywhere so Bucky never suspected a thing.

“I’ve heard of them once or twice, why?”

He just shrugged and said it wasn’t important. You knew he was upset that now he was no longer at the very top.

“Hey, it’s okay. That deal doesn’t matter, you’re still one of the best out there.” You tried comforting him right after backstabbing him.

He looked at you, while you were sat comfortably on his lap, and smiled.

“You’re right. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I’ve got you, here, with me.” He gave you a kiss and hugged you close.

-

And those were the times when you felt the most guilty. This wasn’t a school playground where girls and boys play flirting games and call each other their girlfriend or boyfriend. This was real life, and you were leading a grown man on.

Then one day changed everything, and to you; it seemed like it was too late to walk away now.

-

Bucky got home from work and was rather grumpy and broody. So you did what you did best, pretended – or so you thought – to love him.

It started out with slow and gently touches and kissed which then turned into a more heated thing.

One moment you were on his lap, making out and the next you were lying on the couch with his face settled in between your legs.

Your back arched off the surface of the couch as his tongue slowly circled your throbbing clit and licked down, parting your wet folds with ease. Your arousal, mixed with his spit, drenched the lower half of his face. But he didn’t seem to mind it one bit. His sole purpose was to make you come undone all over his tongue. He liked watching you whine and whimper under him; with your thighs wrapped around his head.

His deep blue eyes watched you in awe and how you lost control under his touch; legs shaking as he teased your entrance with the tip of his tongue. His hands wrapped around your thighs, securing you in his grip as he pushed his face further into you; making you cry out loud.

You came violently all over Bucky’s tongue, body shuddering and shaking while you moaned his name out loud. It gave him an unfamiliar, but pleasant rush when he heard your strained voice moan out his name.

He kissed your inner thighs, licking you clean before kissing his way up your body and finding your lips again.

He kissed you with ardor; eager to just be inside you already and make you squirm and shake under him, but he also wanted to cherish each moment and worship your body. You felt his tongue stroke the top of your mouth, and his hands touched you wherever he could; your breasts, your waist – leaving trails of goose bumps wherever his fingers touched your skin.

While he did so, you felt something firm press against your thigh, and you smirked at the effect you had on him. Your hand reached in between the two of you to lower his underwear again because you need him just as much.

He pulled away for a bit and grabbed both your wrists and pinned them down on the couch above your head. He lifted his hips to align his erected cock to your entrance. You instinctively spread your legs apart to give him more room.

The darkening room made his eyes look darker than usual, and his face looked dangerously handsome. His voice was deep – which caused the butterflies in your stomach to go crazy.

With a slow, steady push, he inserted his length into you. You shuddered as you felt all of him, his beard tickled your skin as he kissed your lips repeatedly and told you how good you were.  You heard his ragged breaths as he removed himself out and pushed himself back into you again.

He sped up just a little, rocking his hips against yours and his hand reached up to wrap around your neck gently. He stared into your eyes, speeding up into you again. He leaned in to kiss your open mouth, shamelessly shoving his tongue past your parted lips and stroking the inside of your mouth.

You were overwhelmed by how good he felt deep inside you. His lips left your mouth and kissed down your face. You let out a moan as he found your sweet spot. You moaned again as he bit and licked the skin beneath your jaw, all while slamming into you relentlessly; stretching you out and pounding into you like his life depended on it.

His eyes looked even more piercing than usual. Your legs trembled as you wrapped them around his waist. The new position was much more pleasurable for the two of you; the tip of his cock touched your most sensitive spots and your back arched off the couch – your chest pressing against his partially unbuttoned shirt; his body heat radiating through the fabric.

You moaned out loud and his very gently tightened his grip around your throat.

“Fuck…” his voice cracked as he whimpered in your ear. He somehow sounded needy but in control at the same time, and it drove you crazy. You felt your walls clench around him, and tightening around his thick member; making him swear out loud.

“Cum for me, baby. Come on.” he panted against your cheek, kissing the side of your face and gripping your jaw with his hand. He didn’t slow down as you felt your orgasm wash over you, he kept pounding into you as your eyes rolled back and you moaned out his name as you came – hard.

He came right after you, and collapsed into your arms and pushed his face into your neck while he panted and caught his breath.

You mindlessly played with his long hair and asked, “I can tell something’s wrong, babe. What is it?” you surprised yourself with how concerned you actually sounded.

Were you being fake, or did you actually care?

“I’m scared.” He mumbled against your skin and you frowned and gently pulled his face away from your neck to you could see him.

“Of what?” you asked, and he gave you a faint smile.

“Scared that you might say no.” he replied, confusing you even more.

“No to what?” you asked, tucking a lock of his long hair behind his ear.

“To marrying me.”

You were shocked.

He spoke again. “Will you marry, baby? I want to share this life with you, please just marry me and complete me.”

And again, you agreed to something you knew would end up in a disaster.

“Yes.”

-

It was like a cycle, each time you and Bucky would take your relationship one step further, Tony would call you – pissed off.

-

“I swear to God, if you do not tell him the truth and come home right now I will fly there and tell him the truth myself.”

Now you were scared. “No, I’ll do it. Please don’t be mad at me, you’re the closest thing I’ve got to dad, Tony.” You were on the verge of tears.

He sighed on the phone. “This is foolish, Y/N. I want you home by next week, you hear me?” he waited for an answer but you couldn’t talk. Your heart was beating too fast and realization hit you like a hurricane.

This was a mess. A mess you had hand crafted.

“I said, do you hear me, kiddo? Come home by next week or I swear to God, I-,”

You cut him off, eyes watering.

“No. I’ll be home. I promise, Tony.”

-

Tony ended the call that day, and you knew there was no way you could marry Bucky. But things were moving too fast. He had hired an entire team to plan the wedding by the time you woke up the next morning. He was eager.

-

“Aren’t we rushing things?” you asked, one day – still searching for the right time to walk out of his life without making things worse. Although, how could they get any worse than this?

“I just can’t wait to make you entirely mine.” he replied, giving you a kiss and added, “Besides, I can’t wait for you to be Mrs. Barnes.” He winked and left.

Fuck.

-

You didn’t know what to do so you called Tony and told him how you had to get out of here right at this moment.

-

“Well thank God, I thought you were calling to say you’re pregnant now, Jesus.” He sassed.

“Tony, sarcasm won’t help. I need to get out of here, now.” you were pacing around the room.

Tony sighed.

“Fine, I’m sending the plane. Pack up and get to the airport right now. You’ll be home by tonight kiddo don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

-

So you packed your bags, got ready and left. You were in a bit of a rush because while you were packing, Tony texted you saying the plane and the crew were already waiting for you, so you didn’t have time to think about anything.

And now here you were.

The only thinking you did was when you got on the plane.

Now that you were on your way back, it all settled in and if you could rewind time and not go to that party where you met Bucky for the first time – you wouldn’t. Or perhaps you were lying to yourself again.

Did you regret the time spent with Bucky? No, you didn’t. Be it in the bedroom or outside, he was phenomenal.

Do you regret using him? You did, but that was until you got on the plane and remembered why you did it. For your company. Your job, and your dad’s business.

It’s not like you were the first one in history to mess with someone for your own benefit. Even Bucky had fucked over so many people to get where he is. He had told you all about it so many times. He had told you all about the people he had ‘used’ to climb the success ladder.

Besides, Tony said that things like this are common in your world, correct?

 “Ma’am, we’re ready to take off.” One of the cabin crew member approached you with a smile and you knew they required your confirmation to take off.

But you needed time.

“I have to make a phone call, 5 minutes.” The girl left and probably went to inform the pilot. While you sighed and leaned your head back into your seat and swore out loud.

You know what, fuck it!

 You unlocked your phone and with a few more taps, you called Bucky. And it felt like there was a void forming in your stomach with each ring.

Bucky picked up after the first few rings.

“Hey baby,” he greeted you.

Your heart raced as the past year and a half flashed in front of your eyes.

“Baby?” he spoke again and that dragged you back to reality.

“Bucky, hey um, I need to talk to you. It’s urgent.” You said.

He chuckled. “Since when are we so formal with each other, baby? Go on, I’m all ears.” He joked and then you realized just how comfortable you had gotten with each other. And how close. Would you miss him? No, right?

You took a deep breath and began narrating the entire thing to him. Only when you were saying it all out loud did you realized how fucked up this was. And how wrong and heartless you were. You were embarrassed and guilty.

Bucky was silent when you were done talking.

“Buck?” you had to make sure he was still listening.

“So all this time, you were just messing with me?” he asked, sounding so broken that your own heart hurt.

“I did it for m-,”

He cut you off.

“I don’t care what you did it for! Baby, did- did you not love me? What- where are you right now?” he asked, and you could tell by his slight rambling that he was stressed out.

“I’m about to take off. I’m going home.” You answered.

He sighed.

“Don’t go. Look, if you want the money you can have it. You can have anything, everything. I won’t be mad, I promise. Look, I’ve wronged people too, okay? Look, just… just don’t go.” He sounded calm and collected but you caught the change in his voice.

“I don’t want anything from you. I just… I just needed to let you know the truth. I’m sorry, I have to go.” You couldn’t understand your own feelings. And with the guilt piled on top – you were a complete mess. “Good bye Bucky.”

You ended the call and immediately told your people that you were okay for take off.

 Many hours later, you were home and Tony was there waiting for you. You rushed into his arms and sighed, as though tired but now relieved that you wouldn’t have to put up the façade anymore.

“I made a mess.” You confessed. And he agreed.

“Yes you did.”

You had indeed made a mess. And in doing so, you had forced a man to become something he never was. And never thought he’d be.

That one phone call of yours created a monster in the span of a few minutes. And you didn’t know this yet, but he’d find his way to you again.

Not for revenge, no. But just to return the favor.

After all, love did make people crazy…

---

a/n: ready for another crazy ass ride? 

--- 

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@shakespeareanqueer

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@jenn0755

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@for-the-love-of-the-fandom

@groovyhumantrashherring

@boho-chic-123

@buckybarnesatemyheart

@sebastianbarnesandchrisrogers @marvelouspottering  @tanelle83

Everything Tag List:

@charmed-asylum

@ravenmoore14

@stangirl-fangirl264

@xbuckxnastyx

@starkerhowlter

@fafulous

@smolandrare-coffee-bean

@alexxcorona113

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@buggy-blogs

@livsheph

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@marshyrebelcloud

@talk-geek-to-me

@tasteslikeblueberries

@the-jer-bear

@aynaraxas

@dreams-in-blxck

@socksracoon10

@moony-tonks-lupin

@anncutamarica

@secretlyactivated

@xoxabs88xox

@noirwarrior20

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@starydreamer

@shutup-sorry

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@fvithsxo

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@morrellica

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@ii-ir-ii

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@nsfwsebbie

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@babyboyjames

@stonerosedheart

@amirahiddleston @sebastianstanbuckybarnes

@grincheveryday

@lauratang

@krazycags01

@teetles-and-other-stuff

@fckdeusername

@momobaby227

@unknown-salvatore

@lokigonnakmsforbucky

@mushyjellybeans

@gabypatd

@burninmatches

@socksracoon10

@wimpydummy  @emilykjhgsj @cadence-on-beat @rae-deation @polireader @caitlin-b-cls @vousfleurdelys

Seb / Bucky Tag List:

@oliviastan17

@moshymosh

@great-goddess-of-sin

@richhdesire

@nd1998sc

@theoralpha

@gabypatd

@amirahiddleston

@unknown-salvatore

@glossierfairy

@charlieferret

@winterboobear11

@heyitsmeimdead

@fultimefangirl

@almond-butter

[topsyturvy-dream]

Title: Temptation

Scene Explanation: This scene happened during the night you and Jiraiya reconnected with each other. Jiraiya was the one you’ve been crushing on during your childhood years, and eventually pining for as you both grew up, but due to a fall out, your life took a different turn than what you expected. Now that you’re face-to-face again after many years, will you both give in to the temptation and act on the ‘”what could have been”?  

Artist’s Notes: I know that I said that this will be posted in December 2020, but then so many unexpected things happened and I only finished this art in early February this year. And then, more unexpected things happened once again, so it took so long for me to write the full background story (under read more). And so, here we are! 😂 Anyways, I’m so excited to get started on my next one, which will be about Minato! So stay tuned! 💕

OC Background Story:

You are a niece of Sarutobi Biwako, the Third’s Hokage’s wife, through your father’s side, and the cousin of Dan Kato through your mother’s side. When you were younger, you were placed in a promising team; however, because of a mission gone wrong, your sensei and one of your teammates were killed in action, and your third teammate decided to quit becoming a ninja. While trying to find a new team for you, Biwako insisted that Hiruzen take you in as a temporary member of his team, and thus, that was how you met and became fast friends with Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru.

 Growing up, you have always had a small crush on Jiraiya. His vibrant personality and unique looks caught your eye and your heart. When you reached your early adult years, your attraction to him was reciprocated, which resulted in a “friends with benefits” relationship. Late night pillow talks and increasing quality time spent together made you develop your feelings for him deeply. But even though Jiraiya is a frequent companion of yours whether in bed or in the streets, you know that his heart belongs to Tsunade. Unfortunately, you are not all kind. Seeing that Tsunade and Dan had an attraction to each other, you were the main reason that they ended up in a romantic relationship. After all, who better than to introduce your best friend to your cousin and fully support their relationship other than you. Maybe then, you can have Jiraiya; all is fair in love and war, they say.

 Your relationship with Jiraiya came into question during an important alliance mission. Visiting the foreign nobility’s court to discuss the alliance terms, one of the noble’s sons had a deep attraction for you. Throughout the mission, he would do everything in to woo you, send you beautiful flower arrangements, expensive jewelleries, and even try to accompany and show you around the country. As the time came for you, Jiraiya, and your team to go back to Konoha, the noble’s son decided to see you off the village, but not without inviting you to come back and stay so that he can properly court you.

 Back at the village, Jiraiya would frequently tease you about the noble’s son, especially when you’re both out with mutual friends. However, one day, you were having such a bad day and was in no mood for his antics, so you decided to walk out of the restaurant you were hanging out in and go back to your place to cool off. Jiraiya, who felt bad for making you more upset, decided to follow you to talk. Not being able to take keeping your feelings a secret anymore, you confessed your love for him at his instant, telling him that you don’t want to be his friends with benefit anymore because you love him and that you want to have a proper relationship with him. But like you feared when finally confessing, Jiraiya couldn’t return your love because he still has feelings for Tsunade. Hurt by this revelation of unrequited love, you ask Jiraiya whether you are just Tsunade’s replacement – a temporary fill in his bed to chase away the loneliness until Tsunade changes her mind and decides to love him instead – to which Jiraiya was speechless. Not being able to bear the sadness, you told Jiraiya “I thought as much” and left him alone.

 Needing time to process everything and because it was very awkward, you and Jiraiya would avoid each other. Very much heartbroken, you decided to be the chosen one to go back and reside in the foreign nobility’s court to lead the alliance efforts. Maybe that will help you forget about your heartache. So, you leave, and a few years later, the noble’s son proposes and you accept.

 Original Ending (Angst)

 Many years later, after losing most of his precious people from Konoha, Jiraiya decides to travel and work alone. He hates the quiet, because he would reminisce of days pasts, and he would often remember you and wonder what would have happened if he had given you a chance and moved on from Tsunade. It is during some of these musings that the regret will come, because deep down inside, Jiraiya does love you, too.

 It just so happens that fate or coincidence made him cross paths with you again. Somewhere at the edge of the country you’re in, Jiraiya foils a kidnapping attempt made at the youngest daughter of a noble family. Bringing her back to the village, he finds out that the child he saved is yours.

 Grateful for Jiraiya’s help in saving his favourite grandchild and also recognising him as one of the legendary ninjas, your father-in-law decided to host Jiraiya for dinner and let him stay the night in your home to rest before he continues on his travels. Since your husband is currently away from the village for some business matters, you were given the task of hosting him and keeping him company; after all, you did know Jiraiya from before you left Konoha. As the night falls, you and Jiraiya ended up having a drink together and reminisce about old times – laughing about some of your training antics and mission experiences together.

 Jiraiya suddenly turns serious; he asks you how you were and whether you’re happy. You were truthful with him. Your life has changed drastically. You’re a retired shinobi in a boring and loveless marriage with a womanising noble, which is definitely not what you pictured your future would have been, but here you are. Jiraiya, for once, doesn’t run away. He apologises to you for what happened that one fateful night many years ago. He apologises for not giving you a chance, even if he already had an inkling feeling that you have caught feelings for him. He says sorry for not realising sooner that cares so much about you too, that he does love you too. But as he was about to say those three words that you’ve always longed to hear, you placed your fingers on top of his lips to silence him, telling him that you don’t want to think about the what ifs. Jiraiya, understanding that you both can’t turn back time, kisses your fingers, your palms, looks into your eyes, and kisses you passionately on your lips. This led to the both of you making love throughout night, the first since years ago.

 Basking in the afterglow and lying in bed together, you decided to let Jiraiya know your real feelings. You told him that you waited so long for him. When the noble’s son wanted to marry you, you tried to put it off as much as possible. You waited, and waited, and waited for him to come get you; hoping of all hopes that maybe, he changed his mind and decided to move on from Tsunade and give you both a chance, because you know that deep inside, Jiraiya has feelings for you, too. You waited, until you can’t anymore. So, you said yes to the noble’s son, and the rest is history. You never did have closure. You were angry. You are angry, telling Jiraiya that “I hate that I still love you. I hate that I waited for you, but you never came.” So, you told him that this is the last time ever that he can come to this village, telling him that he’s not coming back to destroy your life anymore. After that, you had angry/hate sex together, and in the morning, Jiraiya is gone.

 You became pregnant with your last child that night, but no one really knows who the real dad is because your child’s hair colour and features are mostly the same as yours. The only thing that shows that the child’s father is Jiraiya is that they have his eyes, his smile, and his squarish jaw line. You never did tell anyone that it was Jiraiya’s kid; it was a secret that you kept till your grave. And Jiraiya? He never did find out that he had a kid, too.

 This ending is when Jiraiya eventually dies at Pein's hands. One of Jiraiya's unreleased books, which he kept somewhere safe before he left for the Pein mission, is based on what could have been if he hadn’t let you get away and the both of you had your happily ever after in each other’s arms.

Alternate Ending (Happy)

 Jiraiya, who decided to have some balls and confront his feelings, chooses to run after you, and asks you to wait a little bit more for him because he loves you, too. So, you decide to decline the marriage proposal from the noble’s son, and once the alliance was established, you go back home to Konoha and decide to travel with Jiraiya. During your travels, he really gets to know you on a deeper level, and he falls deeper in love with you.

 One day, you both came across Tsunade briefly in your travels. Knowing that Jiraiya and her need some time alone, you leave the two of them to catch up, thinking that Jiraiya might want to be alone with Tsunade; thus, preparing yourself to be let down and rejected by him. During Tsunade and Jiraiya's meal (with sake, of course), he realises that he has finally moved on from her.

 That night, as he went back to his and your hotel room, he couldn't sleep thinking about his realisation that Tsunade doesn't make his heart beat fast anymore. Then he looks at your sleeping face, and it's like a whole load of inspiration just exploded inside him and the epiphany that you are the woman that he wants to grow old with. He then immediately wakes you up in the wee hours of the morning, kissing you (and you almost punched him for waking you up from your sleep). Jiraiya's all giddy and happy telling you "I love you" repeatedly. You were a bit sceptical though, but Jiraiya promises to show you that he really loves you through his actions.

 He does - he tries to show his love and appreciation for you every day, and his main masterpiece is a book that he finishes - wherein the heroine is inspired by you - and he declares his love for you in that book he wrote (calling himself stupid for not looking inside his heart sooner or something along the lines). You both continue your travels, and eventually get married and have children (of course, he gets to make love to you all the time, which is a bonus). He also gets to watch Naruto grow old and become the Hokage he is like his father. All is well.  

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] How I think Obey Me could end (Theory)

Whether this stays a shitpost or becomes a real prediction is up to time and the devs

This is a prediction made after finishing CH 22 and glancing at some dialogue from CH 23 (so there will be some spoilers of what I know from CH 23) and to PREFACE because this fandom has a lot of-- um, drama, this is my opinion and a fun theory so if you do not agree, please delete it from your mind ty!!

Also, this is just a theory, so honestly if this doesn’t happen in the game, I’m totally okay with it; I would never demand the game to cater to my will. If this DOES end up happening in the game………. lol that’s neato 

Without further ado, this is my take on what’s going to go down in Obey Me and how Obey Me could end (among other theories and observations that come with it). did this end up as an essay? maybe

Taking into account:

the recurring (if not main) theme of family in Obey Me

the ambiguous nature of the Celestial War

the fact that many angels still look up to Lucifer (and the other brothers), including Michael, who in the Bible was said to have sent Lucifer down to hell 

CH 23 that lets us into the Celestial Realm and do who knows what else (maybe meet Michael???) 

and Diavolo’s main plan to unite the three realms together in harmony (also the main reason why you’re in Devildom in the first place)

I have no other choice but to conclude that the Obey Me! climax will occur after you fight god (maybe not literally but wouldn’t THAT be LIT) and choose a demon boy to marry/live your life out. 

(And if you almost start Celestial War II and cause the apocalypse because of it-- I mean, all is fair in love n war.)

Asides from the fact that I simply would like to see a scene where MC literally confronts the creator of the world (or at least ⅔ of it)... Considering that your role as the MC has been to reconcile the relationships between the brothers and encourage open communication between them, I don’t think it’s that far of a stretch to imagine that your next task as a human ambassador and family therapist is to mend the relationship between the demon brothers and their angelic brothers and father (aka God). 

Maybe adding God into the game as a possible character you speak to is forbidden territory considering… y’know, God, but in CH 23 Lucifer and the demon brothers still refer to God as their father, which is true to the story but also oddly humanizing. Whether this is just a title or not, it’s compelling to think that like all the other demons and angelic figures that are idolized in religious texts, God could be just another character-- the father-figure that you must confront so that the demon and angel brothers can have closure after the Celestial War and successfully fulfill Diavolo’s dreams to unite the three realms.

And this is why I think so:

Miscommunication and lack of communication have been a problems that MC has had to resolve among the brothers, and this relationship between the angels and demons as well as the angels with God is lookin’ to draw more and more parallels. Like, why are the angels so on the down-low about their concern for Lucifer and his brothers? Why is Lucifer so convinced that all the angels would rather have nothing to do with him (besides self-deprecation) but everyone else knows that angels like Michael still love him as much as he did before the war? 

And most importantly, what HAPPENED during the Celestial War? Was it the angels’ choice to oppose Lucifer and his brothers? Do the angels know why Lucifer incited the rebellion in the first place-- and is that why they are reluctant to scorn their fallen brothers? 

In various unlocked texts, Simeon considers Lucifer to be his brother still, as do many of the other angels who ask for Lucifer’s well being. Taking into account that this is FIVE THOUSAND YEARS (or so) after the Celestial War, the fact that Lucifer, their fallen brother, is still on their minds is not something to simply brush past. While I am unsure whether all angels still consider Lucifer their brother, the ambiguity of how the angels-- how the Celestial Realm as a whole feels about the Celestial War and its outcome is something that I hope we delve into and hopefully resolve as MC travels to the Celestial Realm and Diavolo pushes onward with his goals, using you as a conduit. I'm thinking the reason why the angels do not have a unified front on how they feel about the War is because their father isn't sure and has not decreed their fallen brothers to be particularly "bad." This helps with the success and good reception of the exchange program. 

Coming to my last point, in order for Diavolo to unite the three realms in harmony, he must have assent from each of the worlds. I am assuming he’s taking your word for the human realm (lmao) and following that line of thought, someone high up in the celestial realm-- perhaps God even, has agreed to work towards the goal of unification and set up this exchange program. If that’s the case, then it seems like God IS willing to reconcile with his fallen sons, given the fact that the angels are still able to view Lucifer in a good light and the existence of this exchange program. (I correlate unification with equality, and being considered equals is the requirement for proper peace and harmony.)

Not that it’ll be EASY. You can’t just decide to give the green light for an exchange program in hopes of uniting the three realms because you want to repair your relationship with your sons whom YOU banished from your home and killed one of their sisters-- all very traumatizing experiences that have wounded the demons brothers and have never been truly addressed. A true apology must be said and amends must be made for the relationship to be set on a proper path of mending-- which is where MC will play the main role.

When the momentous and magnitude of gods, angels, and demons are condensed into family problems, MC is literally the One For the Job. 

Is it blasphemous for a mortal to solve the problems of immortals? Maybe. Is it possible MC will die? Honestly, not their first time facing near death-- and if they haven’t died (permanently) yet, there’s a good chance they PROBABLY won’t die while confronting God and the angels. (Who knew family therapists could live a life of such danger?)

When tensions rise, when the MC has finally unlocked all the secrets, the traumatic memories, and the feelings of those involved, it is then when MC will finally be able to speak to God and basically be like “...bro you gotta just talk to them.” And when God asks you why you’re so determined to do something about this other worldly problem, you tell him simply because you’re in love with one of them (yay!). 

Will their relationships be mended? It’ll take a lot of time-- time that you won’t be ALIVE for, but you will be the catalyst that will start the mending of their relationships--- which will allow for the unification of all the realms. :))

(This is also based off of no evidence whatsoever, but it would be nice if God knew Diavolo reincarnated Lilith as a human and thus grants the demon brother of your choice to be reincarnated as a human so he can live the rest of his life with you-- as mortals. Wouldn’t that just be absolutely romantic (and easier for God and the brothers to mend their relationship)? I’m REALLY hoping that MC doesn’t end up immortal, but it’d be nice to see that because the three realms are united it won’t matter whether MC ends up an angel or a demon after death because they’d still get to spend the rest of their eternity with the demon bro they love. And isn’t that just what we all want in the end??)

If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading!! I just enjoy the game and all the possibilities we can imagine using it as a foundation :)) Would love to know what you think of everything and this lowkey shitpost. <3

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 17 For Candia (Part 2)--Mini Recap

Hey guys. It’s been a bit, huh?

I haven’t been on Tumblr a bunch lately because I’ve been busy as hell irl for a lot of reasons, but I also hate to leave a thing undone, especially when it’s so close to being done. So I decided to provide at least some level of closure for anyone who might have stumbled across these with no access to the ep and really wants to know how the story ends.

Maybe I’ll do a proper recap at some point but, for now, let’s wrap things up.

This episode is basically a series of Boss Fights standing in for the more significant but less interesting final battle going on in which the Rocks Family face off against all the Important NPCs.

Amethar and Joren together waste Grissini, Amethar saying that he might have been good to Jet, but he’s fighting for the wrong side. (Joren goes down but it’s never really resolved whether he survives or not. I feel like he probably did considering Liam’s epilogue.)

Ally gets their obligatory Nat 20 to intimidate Keradin for the rest of the fight by greatly shaking his faith in the Bulb before icing him. Then he sees the Pontifex watching the fight from the wall of the keep and makes a beeline. 

Amethar, likewise, sees Cal running across the castle wall and breaks from his unit to go after him.

Ciabatta shows up and I am reminded in the absolute DOPEST way that Ruby never used her watersteel dagger. “In sweetness there is strength, bitch.” Ciabatta is toast. 

White flags start to go up. 

Liam catches up to the Pontifex, does the insane amounts of damage that’s just like par for the course for him at this point, and drops her, taking St. Citrina’s Book. 

Cal tries to make for a secret tunnel to escape but Cumulus blocks his path. Amethar blocks him off from the other side. “What’s the last part of my title? Say it.” Cal, being forced to kneel by Cumulus, acknowledges his “Unfallen” title (throwing a man w/ the title “the Unfallen” off a roof and not checking to see if he’s dead is the very height or hubris. That’s some, “Not even God can sink this ship” levels of asking for it) and then attacks. Amethar gets 4 attacks back and his last is a Nat 20, activating Payment Day’s special ability: On a Nat 20 against someone who has killed a member of Amethar’s family? That person instantly dies. Boom. Fight is over just like that. Piece of cake. 

With all the Big Bads dead, the fight is more or less over other than logistics. Or at least it would be if Brennan didn’t have some mind games up his sleeves. As the fight is winding down, Ruby and Rina lock eyes and they both know they have a moment to turn the tide in their favor in their little cold war by attacking the other and striking first. Out of game, Brennan makes Siobhan and Emily decide secretly on slips of paper whether they each want to attack or show compassion. It’s a classic prisoner’s dilemma setup. If they both play nice, it’s golden. If they both attack, it’s even. If you play nice and get betrayed, you’re screwed. 

But like...it’s D20. It’s the Game of Thrones season of D20 but it’s still D20. 

They choose compassion, both of them. 

“Saccharina, you’re an astonishing leader, but I can’t be your subject. But please, I would like to be your sister,” Ruby says, and Siobhan keeps her perfect track record of taking me out in every finale. 

Rina has her guys stand down (to Swifty’s dismay). Ruby tells a skeptical Cara to stand down and choose family (which she does, snapped out of her paranoia by Ruby’s brave move).

Brennan’s attempt at PvP thwarted, Amethar swears on the Book of Leaves that he was named Emperor and Primsy--who is here in too for some reason--recognizes the claim. That leaves the recently (forcibly) vacated throne of Castle Candy to Rina. Which is great for her because Liam remembers the wish seed and uses it to just quadruple Candia in size, the absolute madman. 

We get epilogues! Liam becomes Master Gardener (and also casually says that he brought back the Pontifex and Kerradin to jail them which is wild because that’s not a spell that exists in this world--Ally just brute forced it in in the last second in a line so poetic that Brennan was just forced to let it happen). Cumulus takes a break from snapping chicken’s necks. Theo gets laid. Rina and Ruby do the sister thing and Ruby joins the circus for a while. Cinnamon becomes a vegetarian which mellows out his constant hunger. And Amethar enjoys time with his newly expanded family. For the first time in a while, things are looking sweet. 

A Few Notes

I’m going to fight the editor who had me worried about the “family is exposed” clip all season for the exact wrong reason. But also, gold star. Well played.  

Lol at Brennan not even getting his PvP in the GOT season w/ a prisoner’s dilemma. Like, give it up dude. Watch next season start in media res during a fight to the death to force everyones’ hands. 

On the same topic, very funny that the previous episode it was like, “Loyalties tested! Lines drawn!” and then this episode Theo was like, “Come on guys you shoulda just talked to me. I would never betray you.” It’s like he just wanted to have a dramatic moment. 

MVP this ep is Ruby with the watersteel dagger imo. Like everyone had their moment. And Amethar w/ that Nat 20 was dope but you were kind of waiting for that all season. But I totally forgot Ruby had that dagger. I, like, verbally cheered when she pulled it out. 

I haven’t watched the last AP or the behind the scenes special so I don’t know that much about unseen characters besides what I’ve glimpsed on Twitter/Tumblr but Amand Maillard looks very dope. 

I wish we’d gotten to know more about Citrina. Like I get that if you dump these players in a world, they’re gonna wanna take down The Man and often The Man is The Church and the Pontifex *did* need to go but sometimes people are just Good and I dug her (Citrina’s) vibe in the flashback we got.

I can’t believe Siobhan got me with the “Be my sister/Let me be your sister” stuff in back to back seasons. You’d think I would have developed some resistance in the intervening months. Nope! Weak as ever baybee!  

One Final Thing

One of the reasons I’ve been so busy lately is I’ve been working on my podcast*, Absolutely No Adventures, which is dropping in a tiny bit over a month. The trailer drops on Sunday so if you wanna check that out when it’s out, you can follow the show’s Twitter (@noadventurespod)! I’ll also link it here as my pinned post once it’s up. I hope some of y’all check it out! 

*ONE of my podcasts but one announcement at a time.

[unholyretributioncomes]

How I Would Bring Back Ben Solo

I keep seeing stuff about Ben Solo not being dead. Now I love the character, and I wish he had a better redemption arc than he was given, and was allowed to live so he could properly atone for his mistakes and work to fix them. But bringing him back has to be done even more carefully. So here is what I currently have for that story- including satisfying arcs for the characters who were stripped of everything that we loved about them. Note: this is a WIP. It is in no way finished, and the intended arcs I have for each character has not yet been written for fully fleshed out.

These arcs include Finn finding a purpose for himself outside of Rey and war. Rose getting some proper closure and maybe having a similar arc to Finn. Poe dealing with post-war stuff including prejudices and trauma. Chewie and Rey being a proper family.

1) Possible comic or animated series. A one movie or three might not be enough or would allow for too many essential cuts

2) While the focus would be on Ben Solo, have regular cuts to Rey and the others

3) Make sure it is clear that this isn't just him getting closer, it is also him atoning for anything he has done as Kylo Ren

4) The story: Ben Solo wakes up either on an Exegol looking area (where he "died" at the end of TROS) or some other dark, empty space that is fairly featureless and void of any other signs of life.

He begins looking around for Rey, and only barely being able to Force, is only able to tell that she is in fact alive and well.

Sensing something off about this place, he grabs the lightsaber that is with him (at first it seems to be Luke's but later on possibly is revealed to be Leia's either by similarity in look or some sort of veil that had been shielding it, though that is revealed later on) and proceeds to look for a way out.

Thus begins his journey.

Cut to Rey.

On a planet, possibly with the group, but is taking some time to herself to meditate and reflect. She then feels a familiar presence: Ben. She calls out to him, but receives no response, only able to feel him there. A member of the group arrives (Finn or Chewie) and asks her what is up, and in their talk, she is able to realize that Ben Solo is alive and somewhere out there in the Galaxy and she declares she is going to go find him.

Cut back to Ben.

Everything is looking exactly the same and he is feeling more lost by the minute. He pauses to take a break as it is clear he is either still exhausted from the fight or been walking for hours. He then feels her: Rey. He calls out, but also receives no response. He calls again and again (possibly only seeing a flickering, weak image of her) before he gives up and gives his voice a break. Loneliness sinks in.

Sliding to the ground, his mind starts to process what has happened. He thought he became one with the Force, but that doesn’t seem to have happened. That temptation to the dark is still there, but he is more stable in the light. He is completely alone. There aren’t even any bodies of dead Sith or the Knights of Ren. He begins to wonder if this is his punishment for the things he did while consumed by the dark.

A voice echoes through the emptiness, one he has not heard in person in years, but knows anywhere: his mother, encouraging him to get up. He leaps to his feet and looks around, but doesn’t see her. He hears her voice again, telling him to keep going, and that she is waiting for him.

Without a second thought, he begins running towards his mother’s voice, calling out to her, and while never receiving a direct reply, is continually encouraged by her voice.

Cut back to Rey.

She has shared her discovery with the group (Poe, Finn, Chewie, BB-8, R2, C3PO, and possibly Rose). Finn and Poe and understandably upset by this revelation and when Rey suggests they go after him, are adamantly against it, Poe even going so far as to say that wherever he is rotting away in both body and mind, that it is what he deserves.

Angered by this Rey begins defending him, saying that if Luke can turn Darth Vader to the light and back into Anakin, then why shouldn’t Kylo be allowed to become Ben again as well. Poe argues that while Luke managed that, Darth Vader died before anything could come of it so it wasn’t like it mattered for any other reason than a good story.

Rey bites back that if Ben is indeed alive, then unlike Vader and Anakin, he has the chance to work to atone for his sins and deserves the chance to right his wrongs.

Poe stands firm that whatever fate Kylo Ren is facing is likely the one he deserves.

Rey tells him that she is going to go out looking for him, with or without anyone’s help and nothing will stop her from doing so.

After some silence as Rey waits for reactions/replies, Chewie stands and proclaims he will go with her and they can take the Falcon. 3PO and R2 are instantly on board with this as well. Eyes turn to Finn, waiting to see what side he takes.

Finn, still attached to Rey as she was the first person outside of the First Order he spent more than a few hours with, struggles to agree as he does feel similarly to Poe and also feels that attachment to Poe. With some coaxing from BB-8 (Either having learned to speak Droid or having it translated by 3PO) he agrees to go.

Poe is angered by BB-8’s seeming betrayal and goes on a rant. But after some more coaxing he eventually agrees to go on the condition that he gets one free hit in if/when they find him.

Rey smiles and they begin preparations to go searching.

Cut back to Ben

His mother’s voice has since faded, and he has slowed to cautious steps as he continues on his journey. Surroundings still haven’t changed and he questions if he has been going in circles and having seen no other paths, begins debating if he should maybe start trying to find a way to climb up.

Sensing danger, he ignites the lightsaber and begins combat with whatever comes to attack him.

When the fight is over, a voice compliments Ben’s form in the fight. Ben turns and there is Luke standing there. Ben lashes out and tries to kill Luke despite clearly seeing him as a Force Ghost.

Luke asks him the source of his anger and Ben yells at him. That Luke tried to kill him for things he hadn’t done yet. That rather than sit him down and talk with him about it, tried to destroy something that had yet to actually become a threat. That he was never given the chance to choose.

Luke tries to apologize, but Ben ignores him, and with his saber still lit, begins to continue to walk. Ben doesn’t want to deal with Luke, ghost or otherwise.

Cut to Rey

Rey starts her journey by doing research. She talks with people who knew of the Jedi and other records to see if she can find where Ben might have turned up.

Poe helps with some of his more powerful Resistance contacts, though many are busy helping to rebuild the Republic, so getting a hold of them isn’t easy. Maz, however, is a godsend and shows up when she hears Rey is studying something specific.

She asks what is going on, and Rey and Chewie explain that Ben is alive. That Rey can feel him still out there, and unlike Luke or Leia, he isn’t a ghost. And that in trying to contact Luke, she met another ghost of a Jedi named Obi-wan Kenobi, who she had only ever heard about, and he confirmed that yes, Ben is alive.

Maz is certainly surprised, but joins the party to help find Solo’s wayward son, commenting on how much Ben is actually like Han and of course he would be too stubborn to die.

While this is being explained, Poe looks over to Finn who seems rather distant and not quite paying attention. Poe asks what’s up and Finn tries to brush it off.

Poe pries because Finn has been zoning more and more since the war ended. Finn relents and explains that he has been thinking about the past and about the future. He explains how all he had ever known was the strict regiment and warmongering of the First Order before Poe came along and after defecting, while he did finally get some affection, he mostly got the passion and determination of the Resistance, both busy fighting war. He has never known his life without war or the threat of war.

Poe listens and asks Finn what he wants to do. Finn says he doesn’t know. He knows there is really no chance that he will ever find his parents and very little chance that he will ever even know what planet he was taken from. And now that there is no more fighting, he doesn’t even really know who he is. Just that FN-2187 is gone and Finn is someone he has yet to really figure out.

Poe reminds him that everyone with him sees him as family, and that even if he can’t find his birth family, that he has one here. Finn assures him that he knows that, but that maybe having something to go on for his past that isn’t all about soldiering might help him figure out what he wants to do with the future.

Rose understands the feeling as she has been having similar problems, torn between trying to live a comfortable life, or do something that might be worthwhile, and that all the plans she had originally thought of had all involved her sister in some way and now without her, she isn’t sure she can go through with some of them.

Poe then explains that he will talk to some other of his contacts and see if they can’t find something for Finn, such as maybe a list of systems the First Order preferred to take their soldiers from. Finn gets a little excited and thanks them both.

Cut back to Ben

The area is quiet, Ben has stopped running, and a fog has settled over the area. He can see the walls around him, but cannot see forward and cannot see back. He has the saber ignited and is taking cautious steps, trying to sense everything he can in his surroundings. All around him are whispering voices. Voices that are very familiar to him. At first their whispers seem to be about nothing, and occasionally giggling, but then they seem to notice Ben.

They at first start whispering about him, making comments on how he has gotten older and maybe lamenting they wish they could have too. Then their comments turn bitter, and they start talking about negative aspects of him without talking to him.

Ben tries to interact with these voices, and the area suddenly gets very cold and the whispers harsh. They do start talking to him, angry at him, wind blowing around him as if someone is trying to push him this way and that. In their anger they ask if any of the good times, the good memories they shared meant nothing to him.

Ben asks them who they are and they are insulted that he has to ask.

The fog fades away and he is surrounded by the ghosts of other students at Luke’s Jedi school. They are the students that he killed. They all begin shouting at him, at first taking turns before their voices sync to fully cry out their anger at their deaths.

Ben, knowing he has no way to justify his actions towards these students, begins frantically apologizing and asking how he can prove his remorse, covering his ears as the voices drown out his apologies and over-taking everything else.

The saber has fallen from his hands, going out in the process, and he sinks to his knees as he feels suffocated by the shouting.

In an instant, everything goes silent. Ben hesitantly lowers his hands and raises his head to see the youngest student of the school before him, all the others standing behind them, just looking at them. The youngest asks him if he is truly sorry and if he really regrets it.

Ben says yes, explaining how wrong he was about the dark side. That he never should have done what he had done to the students, and that he wants to be better. He can’t take back what he has done, but if he could, he would in a heartbeat. That he never forgot their deaths, and despite his efforts during his dark times, could never shed the guilt of them.

The youngest asks if he truly means that, will he promise to be better. Will he promise to try and help people if they forgive him.

Ben, still on his knees, tears in his eyes, says yes. His voice is quiet, but his words weighted with all the sincerity and guilt and remorse that he has.

The ghosts smile at them and the youngest bends down and picks up his lightsaber before handing it to him. “Then keep going. We forgive you.”

With a shaking hand, Ben takes the lightsaber, looking at it before looking back at the ghosts as they all fade away leaving him alone. He takes a moment to process what has happened, what he just experienced before letting himself cry, the guilt of his actions digging into his chest, clearly causing him pain, but also feeling a great sense of relief and like a weight has been taken off of his shoulders. One of these emotions alone would be too much for anyone, but both of them together keeps him from even being able to stand.

 -unwritten section-

After searching for so long Rey finds the answers she had been looking for and heads with the group to go and try to find Ben.

 As Ben reaches the end of his journey and is about to enter the land of the living, he is stopped by one more battle. Before him are four figures dressed in black, all of whom he has seen before in some fashion. One is the grandfather he idolized: Darth Vader. One is the man who had twisted his mind for years: Snoke. One is Puppeteer behind all of pain the galaxy has suffered for easily the last half-century: Palpatine. And the last one is the one that both takes Ben by surprise, but also the one he had been preparing for: himself- or rather- Kylo Ren.

Kylo steps forward and begins talking, voice distorted by the cracked mask. “Did you think you would be free? Did you forget the power of the Dark Side? There is no escaping the Darkness! You belong to the Darkness and therefore- to us!”

Leia’s saber in hand, he ignites it and braces, as the four figures do the same. Knowing the power of the people before him, he is expecting this to be a losing fight, but he is still going to put his heart and soul into it.

“Nice to see we’re not too late.”

The slightly gravely voice catches Ben off guard and makes him turn. They have the telltale blue glow of those passed on, one in the Force. Appearing on either side of him, each facing a member of the Sith that are blocking his path, are his real grandfather- Anakin ready to face Vader. His mother, giving him a loving smile and placing an affectionate hand on his shoulder as her eyes harden in an all too familiar look when she is about to eviscerate someone, a look aimed at Snoke that visibly shakes the Sith. And either Luke or Padme who their weapon in hand and facing Palpatine, making a comment about not making the mistake of letting this man live to walk away again.

With these allies, the fight begins. Snoke falls first as no amount of power can fully brace this being for the extent of a mother’s wrath while she protects her child.

Palpatine falls next. Luke/Padme doesn’t dilly dally, doesn’t give him the chance to brag or monologue or charge up an attack. He is executed plain and simple.

Vader is next. Given that he is kind of fighting himself, Anakin does struggle as he knows all the moves and has to change his fighting style and strategy a little bit. The kill is quick, but comes after a bit of a fight as Anakin is laying his regrets and the darkness in them to rest with the end of Vader.

Finally Ben is left with Kylo. Blue clashes with red in quick and angry strikes on both ends. Kylo taunts Ben constantly about the dark side and how it took him over. About how he will never be free of it and no one will ever truly accept him. It is a very hard fight, but one he must fight alone. It ends when Ben swings and cuts part of the mask off, revealing his own face, which stuns Kylo for a moment, before Ben without hesitation runs him through declaring that it doesn’t matter if the rest of the galaxy forgives him, the people that matter to him do and most of all, he forgives himself.

Once Kylo falls, and his body disappears, Ben gets a small reunion with his family. Han shows up for this brief moment and after some hugs and praises about how proud they are of him, as well as promises to be better and make the galaxy better, he is ready to leave, though his eyes are wet and red.

He goes through the final portal/ door, and the first thing he registers is he can’t breathe.

 Above the lake/ ocean of the ancient site, Rey and the others are looking down, trying to find where Ben is.

Rey suddenly feels him, strong and sure as if he were next to them, and she points them in the right direction where a light can be seen under the water’s surface for the briefest moment.

Unable to really truly swim, neither Rey or Finn can go down. Rose is handed the controls and Poe and Chewie open the hatch of the Falcon and once ready to get pulled back up, jump into the water.

They find Ben, close to the surface, but still under it, and pull him out, before being raised to the Falcon where Rey immediately starts calling out to him, noticing he is very pale, and his whole body is cold, as if dead.

Poe raises his fist before slamming it down hard on Kylo’s chest making the man jolt at the sudden pain before coughing up water. Poe grins at Rey before looking at Ben. “Just so you know, that doesn’t count as my free shot.”

Ben looks confused as he is finally able to focus his vision, but before he can do anything, a big, wet, hairy being his holding him almost too tightly, making it difficult to breathe. Despite the suddenness of it, it is one that -while soggy- is instantly familiar and one he is quick to return and relish.

Chewie finally pulls away before smacking Ben upside the head, just barely hard enough to hurt before going into a long lecture that has Ben smiling fondly at the Wookie.

When he looks at Poe, confused, Poe holds up his hands. “Hey, it wasn’t my idea. Besides, it’s her you should be thanking.” He points at Rey and prompts Ben to look at her. “She’s the one that never lost faith in you.”

Que Rey and Ben reunion.

[sw4gg1e4life]

Yu Yu Hakusho (Reviewing 25 years later)

This anime is like a forgotten gem. It doesn’t come to mind as #1 first but when mentioned everyone goes oh yea that was like one of the best anime’s of all time. I feel like most anime’s don’t have the same level of action, adventure, comedy, drama, and growth that this show offered. Whether you watch it as a kid for action & childish humor or as an adult for the deeper drama, life lessons and adult humor, it’s great across generations and across time whether you watched it as a kid in the 90s/00s or now in 2021. 

Let me simplify it because there’s so much in-depth analysis I could go into.

Ratings per Arc/Saga:

Spirit Detective - 8/10

Dark Tournament - 10/10

Chapter Black - 8/10

Three Kings - 7/10

Deeper Analysis:

Spirit Detective - Honestly this arc had amazing parts to it, introducing the main characters, slowly improving enemies, and setting up for the Dark Tournament. I love the intro and how Yusuke has to undergo his ordeal showing his relationship with Kuwabara, Keiko, his mother, Boton, Koenma and everyone else around him. We’re introduced to a brat who doesn’t really belong but slowly finds his place and purpose starting here as Spirit Detective. I loved the deeper stories with introducing Hiei and Kurama. The introduction of Genkai was amazing, it showed there’s different aspects of growing and trying to master spirit energy. I only wish that section was a bit longer, maybe just 2-3 episodes of more unique competitors. The Spirit Beasts section is what made it a tad lackluster. This is their first real mission to spirit world and the abilities of the 4 spirit beasts just felt somewhat limited to me. Especially the fire-tiger beast, his tenacity just became annoying at some point. This is what dropped the Spirit Detective Saga to an 8 for me or else I would’ve made it a 9. The final part is amazing, it brings some backstory to Hiei by introducing her sister and most importantly the Toguro brothers leading to the Dark Tournament. 

All together, it’s probably one of the best intro sagas to any anime I’ve seen at least. There’s simplicity but also complexity at the same time depending on how deep you look into it. They didn’t just half ass the action like many of my other favorite action-packed anime (DBZ, Fairy Tail). There’s a lot of mystery, dark moments, and strategy for a supposed kids cartoon for the haters out there. 

Dark Tournament - This has to be the best saga in any ever because of the different strategies, emotions, growth, and somehow comedy still added in. I can’t help but re-watch this saga again and again every few years. We start with a mystery question: how much did the main characters grow in strength, abilities, and strategies? Now as a teen then now adult, the masked fighter is obviously Genkai because of the height, outfit and abilities, but as a kid, she was such a mystery for me haha. Anyways we go into the tournament and the committee seems hell bent on pitting everything against Yusuke & friends. I like that though Yusuke’s team comes out on top at the end of each fight, they do lose some individual matches for multiple different reasons. Instead of mindless matches purely on the fighting, we actually learn some backstory about many enemies and our main characters. It didn’t take long either; there wasn’t a ridiculous amount of episodes spent per backstory like Naruto or Fairy Tail. Genkai showed even more wisdom but also understanding of humanity as she knows her time is ending so she passes on her power abilities and most importantly wisdom to her favorite dim-wit. And throughout the story, we get to know more about Genkai and Toguro’s backstory and how power, morals and unfortunate events can change one’s future. The part that most people forget is the final episodes of the Dark Tournament: Toguro has been and wants to continue punishing himself. He actually does care for Genkai and Yusuke. He knows Yusuke has greater potential to grow into something great but needs proper and sometimes drastic measures and guidance to do so.

This saga had an amazing start, several related series of actions in the middle and a proper explanation at the end for many questions we had. On top of all that we’re left clues to the next arc, subtle clues you don’t realize until the next arc comes around. Episode 66, was shocking, Koenma actually granted Yusuke’s wish for his mentor and friend to be revived to live until the end of her life in peace as much as possible. 

Chapter Black - This saga was great. You really don’t know what it is until it’s fully explained. We all know there were stronger demons deeper in spirit world. But something deeper darker is coming and it’s crazy because after 66 episodes we realized we never wondered about a previous Spirit Detective. What happened to that one? Now we get a trio of test spiritually aware humans just to test Yusuke & Kuwabara, but the really interesting part is when Sensui and his team is brought in. A few abilities were obvious but others were so mysterious with a constant ominous presence and heartbeat music looming over. What is each unique opponent’s abilities and what is Sensui’s background and end goal? His multiple personalities each containing yet even more unique abilities with his desire for an open tunnel into the depths of Spirit World for A/S class demons is insane. It seems impossible for Yusuke to win here even with Kuwabara’s sacrifice again. But wow what a reveal that he does have a secret demon king lineage in his blood. I both love and hate this at the same time. It feels like a cop-out but also explains everything at the same time. It’s like Super Saiyan in DBZ but different because at least here it took until the 3rd Saga and several arcs to reveal it. I guess in the overall scheme of things it’s like having Dragonball before Dragonball Z. Anyways the ending is amazing as we see them fight and find out just why Sensui wanted this all along as well as his gay partner’s obsession over him. 

This was a great saga with a truly ominous back story and I love it. The only reason I keep it rated at 8/10 is unfortunately it happens right after the best saga ever in the Dark Tournament. At this point, power scaling and the use of demon king lineage in Yusuke just unfortunately puts the rating here. And we already know what the next saga is about for sure. There’s nothing left to really explore.

Three Kings - Here we go, the finale of Yu Yu Hakusho. We know Yusuke is of demon king lineage so of course he’s going to go train in Demon World. Hiei and Kurama obviously would follow along. Now with everything being obvious, why is it still interesting? Somehow the writers/producers of Yu Yu Hakusho find a way to bring even more back story in appropriate timing without it becoming filler. Learning about the deep ancient history of Raizen vs Yomi vs Mukuro shows how even as demons they have a human aspect: Raizen who ended up loving a human, Yomi who had a child and history with Kurama, and Mukuro with her tragic backstory that led to an odd relationship with Hiei. The ending is great with yet another tournament. As a kid, I wished they had a full tournament arc, but decades later I realized how much sense it makes that they didn’t show us the whole tournament, just key battles and how no one in our main crew won. Yusuke, Kurama and Hiei still has much to learn and grow. Yomi and Mukuro’s time has passed. A new brighter future awaits the demon world. Yusuke finally gets his happy ending with Keiko. 

This final saga unfortunately because of its timing and closure gets a rating of 7/10. For an ending it’s great and I’m not sure how to improve it. That’s why I’m not a producer/writer haha. But it is definitely amazing and I appreciate it. Yusuke went from a kid/teen to a young adult. The story we came to know and love is over and he did NOT end up obsessed like Toguro. He didn’t choose the demon life. He also didn’t choose a psychic path like Genkai. He chose his own path with his friends in the human world continuing as spirit detective but living as close to a normal life as possible. I love this ending, The ending and whole narrative makes me give this show a 10/10. Yes I know they released 2 specials in 2018 but why not that’s a small treat for us fans. They can do specials maybe every decade or so. I don’t actually want them to do a new continued series like Dragonball Super. Let the original show be what it is and be remembered in history as one of the most unique shows with catchy theme songs. Also the Eng dub is actually good haha. Listen carefully for the adult humor hidden in the show if you’re re-watching it. You likely didn’t understand every NSFW joke as a kid. I know I didn’t haha. 

[atlas-the-worldbuilder]

Final thoughts on Pokemon Sword/Shield

So in case you weren’t aware (which is most of you, I’m sure), a few months ago I started a Pokemon Shield blind Nuzlocke Run.  And recently, I completed the main portion of the Nuzlocke by defeating the Champion.  Having played through the game, though, I thought I’d give my final thoughts on it as a Pokemon fan, a gamer, and as a storyteller.

The Story & Characters

In all honesty, I rather enjoyed the main story of this game.  The Pokemon League has always been presented like a professional sport (at least in the anime/cartoon), so it’s fun to see the games taking that perspective and rolling with it.  It felt like an actual tournament/championship, to compete for the title in an officially organized manner, rather than just running a gauntlet of preset combatants.

In addition, I liked how they incorporated both the gym leaders and our rivals into the league story as not only combatants, but also as individuals with their own lives and aspirations.  Marnie and Team Yell are adorable, Hop is... mostly tolerable, thus far, but by far my favorite rival character has been Bede, the Psychic/Fairy trainer.  His haughty and prideful demeanor make him a delight to defeat, and his arc is a wonderful story to see unfold.  I’m really curious to see what he gets up to in the after-story! The Gym Leaders are also fun to meet and battle; the Pokemon games as a whole have been gradually attempting to give more and more character to each of the Gym Leaders you meet, beyond just trials to overcome on your journey to victory.  And while I always have a soft spot for the Hoenn & Sinnoh gyms, I like that they opted to have the Gym Leaders return in place of having more Elite Four members to fight  I only wish I could get more opportunities to get to know them better, cuz there’s some standout leaders from this batch which I truly enjoy!

My biggest complaint with Sword/Shield’s story, though, has been the “Heroic Quest” plotline which has become increasingly common these days.  I like the character of Sonia the researcher, and Oleana is satisfying to watch lose, my biggest complaint has been the pacing of the plot; the first 2/3rd’s of the story are us teaming with Sonia to gradually get the backstory revealed to us, and then in the last half hour, right as the Tournament’s getting underway, all the villains suddenly crawl from beneath the floorboards and run amok while you have to chase them down!  There didn’t feel like there was a proper buildup explaining why the villain wanted to summon the legendary Pokémon, especially one which we heard next to nothing about! This brings about an interesting idea, however... what if instead, they had completely forgone any Legendary-Summoning stories until after the league?  Honestly, I was way more invested challenging the gyms and fighting the champion than I was stopping the literal POKEMON APOCALYPSE from happening... so what if for future games, they saved those for after you became champion?  As a sort of test of your skills, to prove your worth to bear the mantle you have taken!  Maybe it wouldn’t have meshed well, maybe they needed to show of the game mascot more, I dunno...  it’s just my thoughts.

The GamePlay

THEY FINALLY LET US TURN OF THE GODS-FORSAKENED TUTORIALS!!!  PRAISE THE ALL-FATHER!!!

Ahem... In all honesty, I think I’d grown a bit too used to the 2nd screen of the DS-series games, but after a couple days of getting used to the mono-screen style again, I am pleased to say I found it very easy to settle back into.  Though there are still some features I wish would make a return (the HM moves as opposed to public transportation, poison’s effect while walking, wild double battles, etc.), there are alot of fun mechanics introduced and remedies to older problems that have been introduced!

I think one feature which hasn’t had much said about it is the introduction of the Poke-Jobs system; this system allows you to send your Pokémon out on timed “away missions” to gain both experience and items.  In the old days, if you wanted to passively level your pokemon, the only real option you had without introducing a second player was the Daycare center, and they could only raise two pokemon at once... and you had to pay for it.  With Poke-Jobs, though, I can send anywhere from 5-10 teammates out for whatever amount of time I want them to be out for, and then come back later to see them lively and with goodies to show for their work! At first, I didn’t think I’d get much use out of this system; I, like many players out there I’m sure, prefer to guide my pokemon’s training personally, honing their movesets and guiding their levelling and points the way I want from them.  But as I progressed further in my Nuzlocke, and as my daily life became busier and busier, I found myself sending my backup teammates out on jobs to keep them on par with my main team.  Given that the Move Deleter/Tutor and Name Rater are now services that have been rolled into the Pokemon Center, yet another good thing this series has done, I found it much easier to keep my reserve Pokemon prepared in case I needed a substitution. Some Nuzlocke “Purists” may call that taking the easy way out, but... frankly, I don’t have the willpower to do that much grinding.  I’m here to play a game and have fun doing it, dammit.

The Wild Area is another thing I’ve wanted to see from Pokemon for a long time - taking more steps to make the regions seem like an open world, with vast sprawling environments full of pokemon and secrets to uncover.  I’ll admit, though, the execution is... not entirely perfect.  While open expanses are fun to explore, the Wild Area did seem a bit... flat to traverse.  And while the weather mechanics translating into battle are fun to deal with, the same sets of wild pokemon appearing did start to wear me down.  I think what the Wild Area really needed, in the long run, was a system similar to how Black/White/Black2/White2 did - having seasonal progression ingame, where different pokemon would show up during different seasons, making the different places unique and novel all over again throughout the year. And for the record, many of my gripes with the Wild Area were addressed in the Isle of Armor’s expansion island.  VASTLY superior, and much more fun to navigate and traverse.

...I’ll openly admit this: I was not a fan of Mega Evolution when it was first introduced in X/Y.  I felt it was fine enough to see Pokemon battling without power boosts or “digi-volving” or whatever you wanna call it.  When Sun/Moon Introduced Z-Moves, it felt like a step in the right direction, but at the same time, I ended up not using it very often.  If I had to have a power boost to my pokemon, I would want it something that couldn’t be used as a crutch when the going gets tough - something that has a limited usability, and offers benefits specific to the time it’s being used. I say this because I initially approached Dynamax the same way: as just another power boost to level the playing field and shake up the battle meta which I don’t keep track of.  However, after barely surviving all 8 gym leaders without using a single dynamax pokemon, I decided to give it a chance: after having completed the Isle of Armor’s subplot and gaining access to the Max Soup, I fed it to my Toxtricity Spike, and started running dynamax raids.  As I started using it more and more, I started gaining a certain appreciation for it that I hadn’t before; this was something written in to being a unique cultural effect!  This literally is imagining Pokemon as Kaiju!  And for the most part, it works! While I still feel mega-lvl-power-boosts in pokemon are a huge waste, at the very least I can say Dynamax didn’t leave me with too bad a taste in my mouth.  I do hope, however, that Dynamax stays a Sword/Shield exclusive power; given it’s cultural importance in Galar, and how Mega-Evolution was in the previous generation, I think having power boosts specific to regions works better than having the same stuff used across the board for every meta onwards,

What Do I hope for the Future?

I can’t say for sure if they’ll release a sequel game for Sword/Shield, but if they do... I would want them to make these minor changes:

Hold off the Heroic plot for after the League plot; devote the main first half of the game to just the gyms and league story like was done here, and then save meeting uber-god-tier Pokémon for after you’ve claimed the title of Champion.

Having said that, fix the pacing of how the Eternatus/Darkest Day subplot feels as it’s being played out.  Offer us more insight into Rose and Oleana’s mindsets as they go about their business, and give us more coherent exposition from our field trips with Prof. Sonia. 

Fix how the Wild Area looks - give it more variations for each sub-region and offer more varieties of habitats, like in the Isle of Armor.  Or, alternatively, try to implement a seasonal mechanic to make the same areas change over the year, opening new paths and new avenues to explore!

Let Bede defeat Oleana.  Give my boy some closure.

Allow us to see and interact with the Gym Leaders outside of the gyms more.  I had, like, barely 2 lines of dialogue with Nessa, and even less for Milo.  Not asking for a whole lot, just a bit more to tie us into who they are as people.  Piers is best big brother.  <3

That’s all I had written for now.  If y’all want a biography of my champion team for my Shield Nuzlocke, let me know, and I’ll scrap a post together! <3

[fallenhero-rebirth]

Game design thoughts

There’s been some discussion of game design on the CoG forums lately, and I wanted to take the opportunity to repost them here.

On death in choicescript games.

I think for me, the important thing to think about what purpose death would serve in a game, and the effects it would have on the player.

For example, deaths near the end might have the purpose of capping the story in a satisfactory way, and would usually be the sum of many earlier choices that led you down this path. It might be a good ending or a bad one, but the important thing is that it is one ending among others. The consequences are great since it’s at the end of the story and you might not want to replay, but it also gives closure to the path you took if done right.

On the other hand, deaths close to the start might have the purpose of showing the player that they can’t get away with being completely stupid, and that they need to think before they act. This might be a good thing with low stakes, since it easy to restart, and these kinds of deaths are often of the more jokey variant. On the other hand, it might also make people nervous and risk averse, and lead to a lot more gamey approach to the story than might otherwise have been the case.

The hardest ones to get right in my opinion are the middle ones. Too little time has passed to get a proper closure in the story, and at the same time, there’s a lot of things to reread, and you can’t just click through because you need to figure out how not to die again. This can have a really bad effect on the story if not implemented right, making the player think that there’s only a few right ways to play the game and they need to decipher the right one in order to survive. If the death is due to many earlier choices that can lead to frustration if it happens again, and if it’s down to a single failed stat check it might lead to the next run being character minmaxing rather than just playing organically.

Death can have a place in these games, but all too often it feels like the consequences of death on the actual gameplay is not fully understood by the authors

Fallen Hero game rules.

I hadn’t really played many choicescript games when I decided to make my own, but I grew up on choose your own adventure books, with all their limitations. The thing that intrigued me with choicescript was that all those limitations disappeared once you did it online. After deciding which of my possible stories to work on (wasn’t easy and took research), I needed to sit down and make a design document to try to figure out what I needed to focus on.

My goal was to write interactive fiction, not a game. That was the first choice, and it informed the others. That being said, I still needed rules to help me focus.

Trust. This was the first rule. I needed to build trust in the reader, and make them realize that there would be no game over in this book, no way to fail so badly you couldn’t get back from it. The only reason you would make a choice should be that it felt right for your character, and you wanted to see what happened. Not because you feared screwing up everything by failing.

Immersion. The second rule, and the thing that influenced my stats and flags. They should be there to help immersion, to enable me to to callbacks to earlier events, and to tailor text to the reader. While there’s an unusually fixed protagonist in Fallen Hero, I wanted variability in how they were presented. While things like cautious/daring influences success in certain fights, that’s actually a secondary function. Instead of trying to artificially have a stat chance with every choice to make it ‘matter’, I embraced the thought that the changing text itself did matter enough.

Consequence. That being said, I wanted there to be tension and nervousness, which meant that there needed to be consequence. This was tricky, especially over three books where a lot of the consequences won’t come until later in the series. We’ll see if I manage to juggle this in a good way. Writing fail states is a lot of fun though… and we’ll see the first big consequences of your choices so far towards the end of book two.

No lock-in. One thing I really wanted to avoid, even though it would have saved me so much work, was to lock people into certain paths. There’s no point in which a RO becomes locked in for good, and at the same time you don’t get locked out if you didn’t start a romance at a certain point… Same with your motivation, it can change over the series, as your character changes. Probably the hardest thing for me to balance, and as the series progress, it just becomes more complex. Still, not backing down in this one, it’s important.

Secrecy. One way I picked to help me heighten tension was to keep secrets from the reader, even though they played the main characters. What exactly did happen in the past? Do people suspect you? What is going on in the background? What really happened in the Heartbreak Incident? There’s a lot of things the reader doesn’t know, and one way of finding the clues is by replaying the story with different choices and characters. This is a mystery book, but the main mystery is your own character, and if you want to try to work it out you need to go looking. It was important for me to play fair as well, all the clues are there, in front of you, but it’s only when you’ve reached a new point of understanding that you can go back and see OF COURSE it was there all along. I wanted people to think DUH when something was revealed, not because of confusion, but because they realized that they should have suspected all along. I worked really hard on planting Chekhov’s gun in the text, and at the same time have the reader not realize it’s right there on the table until it’s fired. Which leads into the last part…

Community. This I did NOT know if was going to work or not, and I am so grateful it did, and it had nothing to do with me. In order for many of the things above to come to full fruition, like the secrecy, or the trust, I wanted readers to talk to each other. I wanted them to share characters and theories, so that even if they only played their one character along their single canon path, they’d get a feel for all the other things that were out there. Shared information is a powerful tool, and I could only give some hints to the options (through achievements), but by having people share and gossip and theorize, the story became so much greater than their single paths. That was the reason why I’ve been trying to reblog every single piece of fanart/content I can find on tumblr (not so easy since tumblr is finicky), to connect people and get them to meet each other, and see and share content. I am very grateful that people took it upon themselves to create a discord, because that’s a level of tech that just makes me go… yeeeeah nope. I’m old.

…

So, these rules are a lot looser than they would have been if I had made a more gamey game (one day I will, game system construction is AWESOME and I see so many possibilities in choicescript), but they still informed everything I did. I had an inventory system at the start, for example, that got cut because it didn’t add to any of the points above. I added three RO’s to book two because it did add to point 2, 3 and 4. I have a lot of minor things I am considering adding because it helps point 2 (like facial hair, height).

[blushing-titan]

Eren as a father and Ymir as a mother motives theory never made sense. They were represented as emotionally stunned children in paths doing the Rumbling, not as adults. Ymir never cared about her children, she doomed them to suffer after her VERY SHITTY AND SELFISH CHOICE TO DIE because her abuser didn't return her "love". That was clear before Eren revealed it. She saved him and abandoned her children. She never gave a single fuck about them. She was always looking at HIM. (1)

For his part, Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective. Dina and bird twist were foreshadowed via memory shards earlier. Krueger went on a rant about protecting Armin and Mikasa (and the "others") to Grisha. We've always known who Eren prioritized above all. Last chapter offered no twists, only confirmations. The story was always about EMA, Historia never had a place in the climax.

Hi! Thank you very much for writing 😀 I put my reply under the cut, so people who scroll down while searching tags don’t have problems with my long post (...because I feel like, unfortunetely, it’s gonna be another stream of conciousness from me, sorry about that 😅)

I really like your take on the "emotionally stunned children in paths" imaginery - I fully agree that it's a nicely-done symbolism!

To me, the whole Ymir sacrificed herself because of her unrequited love was not at all as clear and obvious as you say - especially before Eren revealed it. I still have a lot of problems with this plot twist, and how Ymir's feelings towards Fritz were portrayed in the end.

With the amount of abuse and mistreatment the king put her through, many fans tried to come up with different theories as to why Ymir kept on serving him. The way I interpreted it, after seeing her tortured expression over and over in many panels, was that she stayed by his side because of fear and emotional damages. With the way she was living, I was not surprised that she sacrificed herself, too - I thought that she honestly had enough, which added to the tradgedy of how she still couldn't find peace after that, and kept on being enslaved in paths.

I saw many takes and theories on her motives, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone betting on she was actually in love before ch. 139. I probably didn't search good enough, but again - with what I saw in the manga, I would have never bet on that either. My point is - before ch. 139 (...and after it too, in my opinion) Ymir was a walking mystery with unclear motives, so there were a lot of theories. Therefore, I disagree that the "parents" theory could never work - it obviously doesn’t work now, after ch. 139, but before that, her motivation could be anything really. I still wish it was something else, because what we got was too vague and problematic, in my opinion. 

I simply dislike Ymir's conclusion. I feel like there was so much potential in her backstory and motives + a few different ways to tie it back with different plotpoints and characters in the end to make it more meaningful, but what we got was a brief: She was in love with the person who abused her, I know it sounds unbelievable but I couldn't look deeper into her heart, so we have to take it as it is.

In general - I can't brush it off, but to me it feels like Ymir's end goal was rushed, not explored properly, and almost pulled out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I feel the same about Mikasa's involvement in lifting the titan's curse. Don't get me wrong - I'm not at all against her becoming the hero. Quite the opposite, I was rooting for her since the beginning, and hoped to see her develop and have a big moment, but this...this honestly also felt pulled out of nowhere and, in my eyes, didn't do Mikasa justice at all. I wish there was more proper build-up and foreshadowing done so I (...and, from what I've seen, a huge portion of fans) wouldn't feel that way, but here we are.

As for the Eren/Armin conversation, I like how they got to "see" the world together, even though just as a visualisation in the paths. My problem is the [...] Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective part. Again, this should have been forshadowed (...and developed in general!) much sooner - not in the final chapter, right before we learn about this controversial motivation of his.

Instead, for many chapters, we were lead to believe that Eren was acting with his original goals and personal motivations in mind; that he had some character developement which caused him to start thinking his actions through, stop acting so impulsively - and finally, that he had a plan in mind, or at least was acting out of his own free will.

If you've never seen him in this light and his motivation/behaviour seemed in character in the last chapter to you - that's fine, all power to you! But if such a big portion of the fanbase felt otherwise (me included), then it means that there were some writing issues that led to this.

The Dina situation should have been explored more, as well. It's a huuuge plot twist, which puts our MC's motovations in an entirely new light, and creates quite a few additional plot-related questions. The way we're shown the situation: Berthold couldn't die just yet, so Eren directed Dina somewhere else, which ended up being his house.

...why not anywhere else? He could literally send her back outside the wall. On top of that - did he seriously sacrifice his mother in favour of his friends? I'd really like more information on this, but the topic is cut basically as soon as it appears. I find it especially unnatural, considering the way further dialogue goes:

Eren tells Armin about how he caused his mother's demise. Armin makes a terrified face, but drops the topic, smiles and casually proceeds with: "Let's go, Eren" - like his friend didn't just reveal one of the most controversial plot twist in the series. No, who'd want to hear an elaboration on that - better talk about Mikasa, so instead we get the entire (in my eyes - really forced) Eremika-themed talk. The priorities...

About the bird thing...if I remember correctly, there were three shards revolving around this theme. Two of them just show birds flying, one of them shows Falco from bird’s perpective. Sure, now that we know that some random bird in the end pecked on Mikasa's scarf, we can kiiiiiind of connect it to the Falco's shard...but honestly, why was Eren's soul transferred into some random bird after his death? On top of that, a bird that was already existing in the world while he was still alive, as a human...did that bird’s conciousness just go poof! one day, for Eren to take the vacant spot? Should we also look for other deceased titan shifters in barns or birdhouses? 😅 I can’t believe I’m overthinking it this hard...😆

That's some three-eyed-parasitic-jeager stuff, for sure.

Jokes aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is that foreshadowing is fun and great, but it should go hand in hand with proper developement - and, in my opinion, the examples above kinda lack it (...ok, I'd let the "bird Eren" thing slide because whatever, I don't feel the need to be that serious about it, it could stay ambigous in my opinion - but I'd definitely want some more closure as for the Dina situation or Ymir’s motivations and inner thoughts)

I've always said that Armin and Mikasa were two of Eren's closest friends - or, even more, the only people he considered family. I've also never believed that he would ever willingly sacrifice them, as some people theorized (...though guess what, now that I know what happened to his mother, I have to rethink my reasoning). I understand that EMA are the main characters, and was expecting that the story's conclusion will be tied to them somehow, but definitely not at the expense of logical character and story developement (...and sorry - to me the ending just felt that way).

As for Historia: if she was never supposed to be important in the end, then, in my eyes, it's a very poorly guided plotline that only led to unecessary drama in the fanbase. Why make her situation look sus with things such us:

Incorrect conception date,

The emphasis on how she didn't marry the father of her baby (...only to reveal in ch. 139 that she, in fact, did that),

The mysterious, cloaked figure observing her talking to the farmer,

The whole talk with Eren in ch. 130, and Eren thinking back to it while talking with Zeke.

All the Historia/Ymir parallels.

Seriously, what was the point? It would be so easy to simply make the situation clear. Why not just make Historia admit to Eren in ch. 131: "yes, I'm already pregnant with the farmer's baby - I did it to save myself."? Why not cut the bs with the "she didn't marry him" - because, in all honesty, what did that information bring into the story, aside from confusion and "misunderstanding" - and just make them married, instead? Even better - why not have at least one panel showing Historia and farmer being at least somehow affectionate with each other? Why not let go of all this retconned stuff and use these panels for shelling out other plotpoints?

The theories didn't come out of nowhere - they were based on what was shown in the manga. People wouldn't be disappointed with Historia's conclusion if it was never implied that she was still somehow important. We may argue about it back and forth, but the truth is - when so many people collectively "misunderstand" a certain plotline to this extent, then it means there had to be some storytelling issues that led them to this - simple as that.

To sum it up, I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter and found it logical and satisfying. I absolutely don't want to take that away from you, or make you change your mind, but I also can't help the fact that I don't see it in the same light as you. You say that the final chapter offered no twists, only confirmations - to me, it was pretty much the opposite. Still, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts, and sorry it took me so long to reply! Hope you're having a nice day 😄

[belmontsfate]

MoF - Awakening: Ch 3

Having a proper battle cross proved useful, as Simon quickly discovered. It allowed him to climb higher, reaching places he hadn't had access to before, as well as swing across entire rooms without ever touching the floor. It was a nice addition to have.

Despite this, he felt miserable.

He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he missed his vampire friend. It was nice having someone to watch his back. Someone to stand alongside him, fighting as his equal. Although, he supposed that he couldn't quite consider Alucard as his complete equal. Alucard was a vampire with abilities that far surpassed his own.

Still, it was nice to at least have someone to actually talk to rather than just talking to himself or the Lost Soul that had reappeared shortly after Alucard's departure.

Simon continued on with his request regardless, fighting all manner of strange beasts along the way. He fought magical floating books that conjured monster's in the castle's library, and found himself face to face with the creatures responsible for his mother's death; the lycans. Needless to say, he enjoyed taking his anger out on them.

Somehow he ended up in some sort of workshop. Inside there were all sorts of different metal contraptions, most of which resembled that of children's toys, only on a much larger scale. The faces had been painted to make them look disturbing, as if they would come alive at any moment and swallow someone whole.

Simon kept an eye on the freakish toys as he passed, not trusting them, or much of anything else in this castle for that matter.

As he got further in, he found yet another strange contraption. In the center was a tall round pillar and attached to it were many long poles featuring the heads of different monsters at each end. Approaching it, he eyed it with curiosity, wondering what it was for.

Unfortunately, he was soon to find out, for soon enough the floor began to move underneath his feet and with it the poles.

He found himself trapped in an obstacle course, electric beams blocking his escape, forcing him to run, jump and duck just to avoid being hit by the poles that moved up and down at random.

It was physically brutal, even for someone like Simon who had trained his whole life, building up as much strength and endurance as he could. By the time it started to slow down, Simon desperately needed to catch his breath.

That was when he noticed something moving below him.

Crouching down to peer down through the grated floor, he saw strange mechanisms, which he assumed were operating the obstacle course. It was dark down there, so he wasn't entirely sure, but he swore he saw a figure moving the mechanisms around.

He didn't have time to see any more, as the hellish obstacle course started to move again, this time in the opposite direction.

With a groan, Simon got up and resumed dodging the poles.

Eventually he grew weary and tired from the exertion, and ended up getting hit a couple times, knocking him flat on his back. He didn't bother to get up, knowing that he would just get knocked down again, and instead watched as the poles spun around above his head, making him feel dizzy in the process.

Finally it came to a screeching halt. Simon waited a few minutes to see if it would start up again. The electric beams soon fell, signalling that it was indeed over. It was safe for him to get up.

"Thank God!" Simon exclaimed, a sense of relief washing over him. "Whoever created that thing had to be out of his mind."

"It was the toymaker; one of Dracula's servants," came a voice that he had quickly become familiar with.

A few moments later, a swarm of bats came flying through the grating, gathering at the base of the contraption as they began to take the form of the white-haired vampire.

"He created this as a trap, along with many others, for those who dared to intrude upon his master's castle," Alucard explained.

"It was you," Simon realized. "You were the one working the mechanisms. You helped me."

Alucard merely nodded.

"Why? Does it involve my father?" Simon tried yet again to get the vampire to open up. "And don't lie to me. It's clear that you knew him."

Alucard didn't reply, but rather stared at him with an intensity that gave him goosebumps. The vampire could definitely be intimidating when he wanted to.

"Let's just say that I vowed to make sure no one else would suffer as he did…" came his cryptic reply.

This wasn't enough for Simon. The vampire had just admitted that he possessed knowledge of how his father had died, yet he was unwilling to share anything more. It was infuriating. It wasn't as if he was some child who couldn't handle the truth. He expected it to be a gruesome tale, but he felt that he needed to hear exactly what happened in order to find closure.

"I don't suppose you have changed your mind about facing the Prince of Darkness?"

"Not a chance," Simon insisted. "I told you, I must avenge my parents."

Something changed within Alucard in that moment. His previously intense expression softened and his shoulders seemed to drop slightly.

"How did your mother die?"

The question caught Simon off guard. Why would he want to know how his mother had died? Why should he answer this question when the vampire didn't answer any of his own.

Regardless, he felt as though he had no choice. He wasn't sure if this was Alucard's doing, using his powers to force the information out of him, or if it was the haunted look about the vampire's face.

With a sigh, Simon began to retell his story. "My father came to this castle many years ago when I was but a child. He came to destroy the evil that lives here. He never returned."

There was a brief pause as he reflected on what he could still remember of that fateful day.

"He must have greatly angered the Dark Lord, for soon after, Dracula attacked the Brotherhood Stronghold with his legions. None survived. My mother was killed trying to keep me safe."

Alucard closed his eyes, as if on the verge of tears. "I am so sorry…"

Simon raised a brow. Sorry? Why was he so sorry? It wasn't as if he was the one to blame. No, that was Dracula.

"For what are you sorry?" he asked. "Who are you?"

The vampire just shook his head and retook the form of a swarm of bats.

"Wait!"

Simon called after him to stay, but it was no use.

He couldn't figure Alucard out. We're all vampires this vague? One moment he was helping him, claiming that he too wanted to destroy Dracula and then the next he was trying to persuade him against doing so.

Turning, Simon found the Lost Soul floating behind him, as if he only appeared when Alucard was gone. He didn't understand that either.

"Who is he?" Simon asked the specter-like creature, pulling the mirror shard from around his neck. "Show me! With this! Now!"

The Lost Soul made no attempt to move, nor did the mirror glow as it had before when he was shown his father's battle cross.

This frustrated him even further.

"You stupid creature!"

Simon raised his fist to punch the creature, but the Lost Soul caught his arm before he could deliver the blow.

Then he too left.

"Why won't anyone answer me?!"

...

Alucard had to get away. He couldn't let Simon see him in such a state of sorrow. As any father, he hated the thought of having his own son see him cry. It was worse in his case, as not only was he a vampire whose eyes could only produce tears of blood, but it also raised too many questions … questions that he could not bear to answer.

And so Alucard fled from the toymaker's obstacle course and up into one of the old man's many workshops, taking a moment to make sure it was deserted before transforming back.

Only then did he allow himself to let it all out.

It was all his fault. He knew it to be true. Simon had come to the castle because of him, or rather because of the mirror he had so ignorantly gifted him before he left. If only he had known then what he knew now, both in regards to the mirror as well as the truth behind his father's past.

The more he considered it, the more he realized that it was not in fact his fault, at least not entirely, but rather it was the fault of the Brotherhood.

He knew now that the Brotherhood of Light had betrayed him, leading him down a path that would lead to ruin for him and his true family. It was because of them that his father had become the monster that he was, and it was because of them that he had died at the hand of his father, only to be turned as an act of desperation to save him.

And yet he found that he didn't hate them, at least not as his father did. Despite everything, he could not forget about the love he had felt towards the company of men that had served as the only family he had ever known for many years.

While he did understand his father's rage towards them, he could not bring himself to think them entirely evil. He realized that there were probably many men who, much like him, grew up in their care, following them blindly as any obedient child would, never knowing that they were being deceived. If anything, he felt sorry for them.

Just then, he sensed another presence.

Pulling out his combat cross, he assumed battle stance. "Show yourself!"

Gears began to turn on the strange device before him, yet another invention of the toy maker. Soon enough a creature began to emerge, rising from the device's center.

The creature was monstrous looking in every aspect imaginable. With a head that resembled that of a lion with green fur, multi colored wings sticking out of his back, legs of bleached bones and a tail to match, it was hard to figure out exactly what he was supposed to be.

"Look at what you have become," the creature chuckled as he crawled off the device and towards him "Do you even remember me?"

It took Alucard a few moments, but eventually he did recall.

His eyes widened, for he hardly recognized him. "You're the Daemon Lord I destroyed when I first came to the castle!"

"That's right," said the Daemon Lord. "And now, thanks to the toymaker, I can return the favor!"

And just like that, the battle was on.

The Daemon Lord was stronger than he remembered, with powers that he never had before. One such example was the fact that he could now shoot lasers out of his tail.

However, the Daemon Lord wasn't the only one who had become more powerful. Although he wasn't as proud about it as his opponent seemed to be, he too had been remade, in his case, into that of an immortal vampire.

"I've been looking forward to the moment when I would crush you into dust," the Daemon Lord taunted. "And once I'm done with you, I'll do the same to that foolish son of yours."

Alucard growled.

The brotherhood's crimes against him did not evoke his anger, but hearing the threat made against his son filled him with a rage that threatened to consume him.

"You leave Simon alone!"

The Daemon Lord only chuckled as he climbed back onto the device, taking the controls.

Alucard soon discovered that the device, much like his tail, shot out laser beams, only two of them, one from each side of the machine. It was quite a long process, trying to destroy the laser emitters all the while dodging all the lasers, but he found a way to dodge them easily enough with help from his combat cross and the conveyor belt attached to the ceiling.

"Let's be done with this then!" roared the Daemon Lord as he flew from his station and scooped up the vampire in his skeletal claw.

Returning to one of the electric charging stations, the Daemon Lord got a good laugh as he electrocuted his prey.

It was hard for Alucard not to scream out in pain as a jolt of electricity pierced through his body, shaking him intensely, but he bore through it and managed to free himself with a bit of effort. There was one flaw with having bones for hands, and that was that they were slippery.

In the end, he managed to knock him back into the hole he had come from. Unfortunately, the Daemon Lord managed to grab hold of his leg, hauling the vampire down with him.

They fell for a long time without any end in sight. Alucard did briefly wonder where it led to, but had little desire to find out for himself.

Severing the leg that had a hold of him, he lunged at the Daemon Lord, sinking his fangs into what little remained of his actual flesh, consuming every last drop of blood in his mutated body, and with it, the creature's powers.

When he was certain that the Daemon Lord was drained and powerless, he let go, discovering that he had sprouted a pair of demonic bloodstained wings, allowing him to fly up out of the never-ending pit and back out. No sooner had he landed safely on the floor above, then the device exploded, crumbling in on itself and blocking the pit's entrance.

He felt no pity nor mercy at the demise of the creature, but rather he saw it as one less monster to worry about … One less creature to protect his son from …

With that in mind, he flew out of the workshop to go find Simon again. Something told him that he was going to need more help.

[mimiplaysgames]

are you still there?

Terraqua Week Day 7: Quote

Summary: It’s time to sort through Eraqus’ things. There’s little they know of their late Master, but they find letters - addressed to them. @terraquaweek​

Notes: Based on Jim Hopper’s letter from the Stranger Things 3 finale: “There's something I've been wanting to talk to you both about. I know this is a difficult conversation, but I care about you both very much. And I know that you care about each other very much, and that's why it's important that we set these boundaries moving forward so we can build an environment where we all feel comfortable, trusted, and open to sharing our feelings. Jesus. The truth is, for so long I'd forgotten what those even were. I've been stuck in one place. In a cave, you might say. A deep, dark cave. And then I left some Eggos out in the woods and you came into my life. For the first time in a long time, I started to feel things again. I started to feel happy. But lately, I guess I've been feeling distant from you. Like you're pulling away from me or something. I miss playing board games every night, making triple decker Eggo extravaganzas at sunrise, watching Westerns together before we doze off.But I know you're getting older, growing, changing. I guess, if I'm being really honest, that's what scares me. I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came in here, to try and make stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were. But I know that's naive. It's just not how life works. It's moving, always moving, whether you like it or not. And yeah, sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's sad. And sometimes, it's surprising. Happy.

So you know what? Keep on growing up kid. Don't let me stop you. Make mistakes, learn from 'em. When life hurts you, because it will, remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you're out of that cave. But, please, if you don't mind, for the sake of your poor old dad, keep the door open three inches.”

Read on AO3

***

It is weird going back - it’s like they have their house again but not their home.

They clean up to find some closure - if they stall, if they leave the Master’s things alone, they’ll dread having to do it and there he will linger, like a one-ton weight that they’d have to drag by their ankles. It hurts but it’s necessary, like amputating a limb beyond help before the rest dies with it. They do it start a new chapter, to let the Master move on to the next life, so they can move on with theirs.

In Aqua’s opinion, it’s horrible, but she continues to sort through private books that he kept in his office to see if they’re of any use. Every time there’s an artifact that reminds her of a specific memory, she cries, and Terra wishes he could wipe them away. It makes him feel helpless - it’s been twelve years in darkness and he still hasn’t found the courage to let her know just how much he cares.

For Ventus, it’s a new wondrous adventure, like finding out the person he thought he knew for so long is actually someone different. For the years he thought that Eraqus was as stern and cold as a statue, he discovers an old stack of childish finger-paintings that prove him wrong. Why the Master was so secretive, they’ll never know, but it’s something Ven takes with pride. At least it distracts him from making snarky remarks about Terra’s feelings.

To Terra, he’s reliving an entire lifetime in a matter of minutes and where does life fly to when it flies by? It’s crazy to think that a living person used to have things until he’s forced to start claiming which he should take as his.

Of course, there have been a lot of shared tears, and they all agree to take a break for dinner when a loud thud - like a bookshelf falling over - makes Terra jump.

Ventus whips around first, a Keyblade in his anxious hand. “What happened?”

It was Aqua, the shelf right in front of her now opened - a secret panel in the wall.

Terra huddles close, a smirk threatening to take his face. “I shouldn’t be surprised the Master had secret stashes.”

Huddled in this cubby hole are journals, some in better condition whereas others are so old, their pages have been stained with exposure. 

“The Master kept diaries?” Ven asks. 

“He did,” Terra answers, letting Aqua take the first grab. “I remember writing in one of them actually… he only writes when he’s upset about something and wants to vent. I walked in on him one day and he let me sit on his lap and have at it.”

“When was that?” Aqua asks, quickly sifting through pages of one before going through another. “It looks like he had a lot to be upset about.”

“Definitely before you came along, but I don’t remember why he was sad that specific night. I don’t think he ever told me.”

“So…” Ventus dawdles, his hands in his pockets. “Do we read them or trash them?”

“Trashing them feels wrong,” she says.

“Reading them feels wrong, too,” Terra says. 

“But,” Aqua hesitates, taking another. “This is something he left behind, like a legacy.”

“Of his most secretive of secret thoughts,” Ventus agrees, nudging Terra on the elbow. 

Aqua holds up one of the newer journals. “His last one… there’s blank pages.” 

They all hold a pregnant breath. In their hands are the Master’s final concerns before he was taken forever, his last rites.

She flips through anyway, and Terra nearly objects because… well, why hurt himself by reading what the Master thought of him before the Mark of Mastery? He failed, after all. 

Some folded pages come out of the journal - she didn’t rip them out, they were already wedged in there. “And some extra,” she says. 

Ventus helps himself to the journal, opening to the first page. The Master always had such beautiful handwriting, as though calligraphy was his art of choice.

“They’re to us,” she says when she opens the folded pages, reading the dates. “Letters. He wrote them while he was waiting for us to come home.”

It suddenly hits them, and Ventus slams the journal tight like he’s violated a boundary. 

While he waited for them in those long months to come home, before the possession, the fall to darkness, the sleep...

They take turns looking at each other, two of them passing asking glances at Aqua to see if she would approve. And Aqua looks at Terra to see if he would approve.  

“If he was alive, he’d never show them to us,” Terra says, “but sure. Let’s.”

“He probably wouldn’t mind,” she shrugs. “The Master didn’t like to dwell on something trivial.”

Ventus is the first to jump onto the loveseat in the middle of the office, over a soft rug in front of the fireplace, leaving Terra and Aqua to take the couch across. 

“Aqua should read them out loud,” Ventus says, making himself comfortable, like he’s excited to find out more about his late father... like he’s not anticipating it’s going to make him cry. He’ll probably learn the hard way. “She’s a great storyteller.”

It’s not really fair to put that burden on Aqua, to read the Master’s words on behalf of all of them, but she smiles, accepting it. “Only if everyone is okay with it.”

She’s really talking about Terra in this case, looking over her shoulder to see if he’d object again. He doesn’t.

“Right.” She takes a deep breath. “The first one is for Ven.”

It’s Ven’s turn to take a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

Terra holds his own, his arms crossed. It may be for Ven, but… it’s like he’ll hear the Master’s voice again, even if it’s Aqua who’s reading it.

It takes a few more moments before Aqua prepares herself to read - she’s probably thinking the same thing. He holds her shoulder and it wakes her up from her stupor. Finally, she starts.

~

My cherished Ven,

I cannot deny the horror I felt when I watched you drift away into the sky, chasing a fate I know in my heart will do nothing but gravely harm you. I have always been aware that there is only so much I can do to protect you. I have always been aware that the life you have lived here was unfair to you, and I can only hope that you understand it was for your protection. If I may be true, I am frightened - of what you will discover, of whether you would survive it. Maybe even of your own power.

You must know, Ven, that darkness speaks. It will tell you stories meant to horrify you and meant to tempt you down a path where it will take advantage of your innocence. Part of me feels foolish, and here I realize what I could have done better to prepare you. You have a strong heart, Ven, and a brilliant soul, a powerful, ancient light that has many destinies intertwined with it. It is not something I fully comprehend, and there have been many precepts that I have researched into the matter, some that I cannot decipher. 

It is because of this that I do not have any answers that you seek, and thus I assume you will not come to me for them. I can vow there will be a time for you to learn about yourself, and I simply want you prepared with the proper knowledge to not only protect yourself, but to protect the worlds that you have the responsibility over, as Keyblade Wielder. You are practical and efficient, and you already know that your weapon is precious and cannot be misused. I can only pray that you come home and sleep safely.

~

There are sniffles, and they belong to Ven. She hands over the letter and he takes a readthrough, a small smile coming to his face.

“If I didn’t know any better,” he says, his voice shaking but he’s trying hard to find comfort. “The Master is kind of giving me the blessing to leave… without really doing it.”

They haven’t set a date for when he’ll leave - it’s clear there are many lingering questions about Ven’s past, with Chirithy’s sudden appearance only making it more necessary to answer them. He’s talked about traveling, seeking out answers, and while Terra and Aqua think Ven should become Master first before setting off on his own journey, the final decision ultimately lies with him. 

Either way, with Chirithy, he won’t be alone.

“So will you leave?” Aqua asks. There are silent tears traveling down her cheeks. It’s already so hard on her. 

When she notices Terra staring, she actually inches closer, looking for his hand. Immediately, without even thinking about it, Terra leans forward and wipes them off her face, his other hand on her back.

He chooses to ignore all the knowing glances Ven is throwing at him. 

“Maybe,” Ven says, like he hasn’t been thinking about making teases towards Terra. “I feel like this advice still sticks, you know?” He folds the page. “When I do, I want to take this with me. But… precepts? There are actually books that can help me?”

“You never know, there could be another hiding place with more stuff,” Terra says, asking Aqua with his eyes if she’s okay. She nods. 

“In here?” Ven looks around.

“Or somewhere in the castle.”

“That’s gonna take forever to find,” he whines. 

“We’ll help you find it. In the meantime,” Aqua says, holding up the next letter. “This one is for me.” Her voice cracks. “I’ll be okay though,” she says to Terra before he has a chance to ask.

~

My esteemed Aqua,

There is a certain cruelty to life about becoming older: with age comes conviction, and it is merely a defense against confusion, the flux of emotions that will all storm together when facing a difficult problem. I am speaking of the wave of mixed feelings that came with ordering you to chase after your friends, your closest comrades. I have conviction in my belief that it was the right thing to do - this entire ordeal was riddled of something terribly sinister that I have yet to solve. I fear for you, for my other students, for what is at stake.

At the same time, I know you. You are and will always be the element that holds this family together. I have always been impressed by your light, by your determination, and by your loyalty to your calling. And yet, you are the one most guided by the bond you share with your peers, and this is exactly why I know of no one else who has a light as powerful as yours. Your bond to them will be their saving grace, I must believe in that. But I feel I may have burdened you with a responsibility that would put these elements at war with each other, that I have asked you to put your beliefs at conflict.

I have named you Master because I believe you have the strength to see it through. I believe you have the wisdom to face darkness in its true essence and not break. Every day that passes by that I do not see either of you home yet, I get more worried. Still, I can find peace knowing you are there to look out for our family. You are still so young, the youngest Master in history, and there is a sense of guilt in knowing I have given you a burden when you should be experiencing more carefree days. I expect that you will not have to carry this burden all by yourself for long, and that you will be able to share the weight with Terra once he is ready. Until that happens, there is no one more suited to keep us safe. If you should ever falter, and I would be ignorant in assuming you would never, know to never lose faith. I have the utmost faith in you.

~

The letter shakes in her hands. 

“I need a moment,” she says, her voice cracking. Her tears get buried in her fingers as she covers her face to let it all go. 

Terra brings his arm around her, going through her hair with his fingers. He’s actually always wanted to do this, but not like this, not while she’s crying. 

“He’s right you know,” he whispers in her ear. “You are the glue that keeps us together.”

Ven goes to sit on her other side, his head leaning on her arm, his hands around her elbow. “Yeah, you’re the strongest person I know.” 

She nods to their words, sniffling her voice out. “I wish I had this with me that entire time,” she says, “when I walked the Realm of Darkness.” She smiles. “It would have been nice to read, k- keep me company.”

Aqua has suffered for so long and she’s still so hard on herself. “You did good,” Terra says. 

“Far better than either of us,” Ventus adds in.

Her fingers find themselves intertwined with Terra’s, and she rolls her lips inward to accept their words of encouragement. 

“Thank you.”

She’s saying it to them, and she’s saying it to the Master. They take a moment in silence for the Master, but mostly for her sake. Aqua deserves to be listened to.

Then she pats Terra’s lap. “Your turn,” she says with a little pep, like she’s grateful that she’s over the most harrowing experience ever.

“My turn,” he grumbles, instantly closing in, leaning into the backrest because he at least knows (unlike Ven) that he will definitely cry.

~

My dearest Terra,

I have never been truthful with you, and there are certain ethical boundaries as to why. Part of me wishes I was, to let you know why it is I expect so much out of you. You have saved my life - the moment I found you, I was still suffering certain experiences that have left me heavy and cold. Raising you had given me new purpose, and I took that responsibility as though it was breath. I am and will always be so proud of you, of how you have grown and of your gentle heart. You are meant to accomplish great things, and I believe you will go far. 

There have been times as of late where I felt I could not reach you, however, when I did not have the right words to guide you. I see in your eyes your desperate need to please, to succeed. I have been guilt-ridden with failing you on the Mark of Mastery, with making you feel like you are not worthy enough. You are worthy, and one day you will see your dream realized. But there are still things your joyful, ambitious heart needs to understand. You become solemn far too quickly, and with such a powerful weapon in your hands, you will need to still that crying heart when the worst comes to haunt you - and it will, in due time. Life will always find a way to challenge and harm you, and I need to see you prepared. I want you to succeed.

I meant what I said. You mustn’t be afraid of losing - -

~

Tears are trickling down his cheeks; they are warm before they get cold, like the exposure frightens them. The words are what he needs to hear and yet some of them he still has trouble accepting.

It’s silent now, though.

Aqua is biting her lip, a smile betraying her, and Ven looks over her shoulder when he realizes she’s not continuing.

“Are you not going to finish?” Terra asks, and he feels he has the right to be annoyed.

She brings the letter to her mouth. “You sure?”

“Why are you asking?”

She chuckles behind her hand. “Okay.”

~

I meant what I said. You mustn’t be afraid of losing, especially with the path I have seen you choose for yourself. I understand how devastating it is to lose to Aqua, how you hold her in such high esteem, and how terrifying it is to ponder the possibility of losing her as well. I understand more than you realize why you are obsessed with holding yourself up to her, and why you need her to do the same for you. It is not a conversation I take pride in holding with either of you - the path of the Keyblade leaves little in the way for partnerships, as it can be such a heavy strain. But if I had to give my honest opinion, I can agree that Aqua is a wonderful choice for a mate. If this dream of yours shall be realized, I offer two threads of advice: one, let her light guide you. A partnership is a mind of two, and when you find yourself struggling, you have to let her in. Two, it is now more vitally important that you understand the nature of your own light, so that you can do the same for her when she needs you. You will need to be her guardian in the worst of times, something I know you are more than capable of doing despite your failure in the exam.

I would only ask one favor: please do not exhibit any scandalous or inappropriate behavior in the hallways if something were to come about it.

~

Again, she brings the letter to her face to hide her sputtering chuckles.

Ven looks across her at Terra, his eyes wide like he’s just witnessed… well, a scandal.

“You just got outed,” he says.

Aqua scoffs, her tears still finding their way out and it’s amazing how she can express two different emotions at once. “So you knew about this.”

Terra wants to kill him.

Ven holds his hands up in surrender, getting up from the couch and walking to the door. “Whatever I say doesn’t matter. Terra’s still busted.”

“Ven,” Terra warns.

“Caught red-handed.”

“Ven.”

“B-U-S-T-E-D.” Now he’s at the door, giving a questioning smirk like he’s sorry, before storming out of the room, letting the door slam behind him.

Terra doesn’t know what’s stronger now - the grief or the awkwardness making itself comfortable in the room.

“It was sweet,” Aqua says of the letter.

“Thanks…?”

She chortles, bringing a hand to her heart. 

Honestly, in normal times, they’d probably still be physically close. If he is to try now, though, there’s all sorts of implications that he doesn’t have an excuse for anymore.

She folds the letter for him before handing it over. “Here is your… um...”

“Love advice?” He’s just trying to be funny, to lighten the mood and now he’s probably made it worse.

At least she’s laughing, but she’s speechless. “Ah, yeah.”

Terra fiddles with it in his hands, careful not to crease it. This is why they shouldn’t pry into private thoughts. 

“How are you-?” he asks.

“Feeling?”

“Yeah.”

“Actually better.” She sighs. “I feel a huge load off my shoulders.”

“Really?” He feels like he’s been slapped by an avalanche, or he’s about to drown in one - it’s like someone has him by the throat, and he really hates not knowing what Aqua thinks of all this. 

She takes her own letter, gently folding it and he’s sure that she’ll keep it safe in a box in her room. “I do.” She stands up, hesitating with every step like there’s something she wants to say.

At least there aren’t any more tears. He never expected the Master of all people would put a stop to that.

“That’s good,” he says, ready for the worst.

“Terra,” she says, turning to face him when she gets to the door. “We should have dinner, just for the two of us.”

His heart skips a beat, and if it continues to do that, then this is the worst time to die. “I’d love that,” he says and immediately regrets it. That’s the second time he used “Love” and he really shouldn’t, not this early.

It makes her laugh nervously, and she bites her lip to control it but she’s doing a terrible job. “Good.” 

She walks backward into the door and then apologizes, extremely embarrassed. 

He’s never seen Master Aqua like this, and she rejects his help when he gets up and walks over to see if she’s okay. It makes him feel better knowing he’s not the only one this nervous.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, then?” she asks, her hand on the knob. 

He has to clear his throat, because his “Yes” is too scared to come out. “Count on it.”

She bites her lip again and he has to remember to tell her how cute it is. When it’s more appropriate. There’s still so much pain to go through, but maybe they can put a pause on that? 

“Okay,” she whispers, unsure of whether to say something else before she finally laughs again and goes through the door.

It’s quiet when she’s gone, and if he lingers for too long she’ll just come back to tell him that it’s unhealthy to be alone in the Master’s office. But it’s nice for now - he thinks of the letter, thinks of it in the Master's voice as if he is there, saying those words. It isn't quiet at all. It almost feels like he has a father again, rooting for him.

[hellokendrabeckett]

Mark One

I don’t even know how to write a book, blog, let alone a letter. I just need a place to come to share how I feel about some of the boys/men that have come and gone in my life. I feel like true closure is needed but the toxicity rooted in texting these guys would lead me down a path, I’ve worked a long time to escape. For the sake of my sanity, I’ve come back to Tumblr, to let it all go and maybe help one of you who wander onto this blog. My name is Kendra Beckett, I’m happily married now at a pretty ripe age of 21.  Yet, the ghosts of boyfriends past do still haunt me from time to time, so in the efforts to get rid of these burdens, i’ve taken on a creative approach to release... writing (in addition to prayer). 

Hmm...so I’ll start with saying that if you’re a Marvel fan you’ll soon figure out the name of this lover. It couldn’t be easier to decode, really. I pray I don’t have lawsuits in line after pressing post on this one but let’s be honest, he’s not reading this. I’m not sure he ever read anything outside of DMs and text messages, all of which can’t be found here. So... I think i’m safe. His name for the sake of this is going to be Mark One. The irony in Mark One being the alias for one of my favorite superheroes but also one that reflects his name (and his somewhat villainous role in my life) works out well. 

Mark One wasn’t supposed to happen, like all love, it kinda just did. I honestly don’t even remember how we met, I just remember how fast I fell. It was my Junior year and well, I had, well, have a thing for football players. He was one of the many that caught my eye. He was able to capture my attention, even if I couldn’t keep his.  

He was about 5′7 and had an olive colored skin that was so soft to touch despite his rough persona. He sported broad shoulders, a perfect smile, and an edge-up that was never neglected. He smelled of all the greatest things, and not overly pungent like the colognes in the store but just enough to keep you wanting more. His spirit was electrifying, his gaze could stop you in your tracks. His mysteriousness made you want to explore all of his depth- and I did.

He didn’t come from wealth, and he definitely wasn’t the brightest, but when he smiled he lit up my world. He showed me his humble beginnings and his family accepted me like one of their own. His house was always warm, running rampant with kids and smells of fresh laundry. He slept on a mattress in the corner of his living room, a great contrast to the gated community I was living in. He always wrapped his arms around me and told me all the things he loved about me. He helped me escape, let me cry, taught me things and funny enough, he taught me how to tie the laces of my sneakers because evidently I was “choking” my Nikes. He was patient with me, he adored me, and above all I knew that he loved me. Though there was all of this good, he came with his fair share of bad too. 

He’d convince me to do things that my parents would have killed me for. It was with him that I sneaked out to spend nights in random motels, go to drug heavy parties, and ride passenger in street races. He was adventurous, often incredibly dangerous but I loved these thrills that came with being with him. Despite all the danger, I never truly felt fear because he had a way of making me feel safe. I guess love helps paint narratives that seldom align with reality. I spent so many nights on the ground waiting for the cops to move from our view, so we could sneak back to safety after being somewhere we shouldn’t have been or playing fugitive in a private area. Nights with him felt free even if us getting caught would cost me my admittance to the colleges I dreamt up, my living situation with my cousin, or whatever other privileges I had my eyes set on. He was fun, and I was in love.

My parents hated him because he’d alway smell of the previous nights adventure, or the frequently hotboxed Pontiac he drove. But I loved him and there was no way that anyone was keeping me from him. I spent all my money on him, dressed him in the finest things a young teenager could afford. Any trip I went on, he had to come too. Mark One was always the plus one, and there was literally nothing anyone could say or do to change how madly infatuated I had become. 

He wasn’t the guy I lost my virginity too but he definitely taught me a thing or two... or a thousand. In fact, he prides himself to this day for being the person who coached me on all that I know. I think that’s weird but to each his own...celebrate what you can. I will say he did teach me a lot and contradicted everything I learned in Sex Ed. He made me so comfortable that we stopped using protection throughout our youthful and seriously crazy relationship. There were so many times I’d be freaking out about the possibility of being pregnant, but he would be rejoicing because he wanted me to have his babies. The dumber and younger version of myself thought this was romantic... yeah I know, I’m embarrassed to even write it but what can I say? Love/Lust is dumb. 

It started off great, random nights and stories I’ll later tell my daughter but it ended bitter because with him I experienced my first serious heartbreak. These pregnancy scares weren’t rare, in fact, I had several. I continue to think that I’m pregnant sometimes when Aunt Flo isn’t exactly on time... but during my most frightening scare, (like 2 months late type of scary) I found out the most heartbreaking news about the boy I gave everything too. When I was gone for not even two days, he couldn’t handle the time he spent without sex... so he messaged one of his exes and well...

He cheated. 

I didn’t find out the decent way, I found out through going through one of his private accounts and seeing the messages there. Me going through his messages was a problem in itself but what I found shook my world. He had no idea about the fact that I was struggling and thinking I was pregnant. Honestly, I was too scared to mention it for fear that he’d just laugh at me after all the times we had thought I was- only for it to be bloating, diet changes, or reaction to my excessive running. But the boy that I chose over my spirituality, the boy who I chose over obeying my parents, remaining loyal to my friends, went on twitter to seek out his ex for sex while I was gone for no longer than 72 hours. You’d think that this would be my lesson to never compromise my morals again but my heartbroken younger self started on a path of self loathing and sabotage. 

In my mind, His actions were telling me I wasn’t even worth the wait of 72 hours. And the worst part of it all was I believed that. I stayed with him even after seeing those messages but the damages and the distrust was so much that our relationship fell a part pretty quickly. 

He followed me to college and we both decided to try and make it work despite not being on the same campus. He was only 10 miles away but history showed that he couldn’t handle distance. The pain of feeling inadequate infiltrated my thinking and the young woman that was meant to enjoy her freshman year in college with presumably the love of her life, spent most of it seeking approval from boys who would never give it. 

I don’t know if it was because I wanted to hurt him too, or because I wanted to feel loved and just desired again, but I started doing the same thing he did to me and laid with so many boys that didn’t respect me- some not even knowing my name. It was a disgusting time for me, seriously. The walks back to my dorm- more than just shameful. It was honestly painful. Seeking and seeking but finding nothing, just boys that were interested in the depth of my body, not my soul/personality.  

These feelings of insecurity and emptiness carried with me throughout  the rest of my romantic life and I’m still trying to escape it. I’m flawed, very flawed. It wasn’t until very recently, perhaps around 6 months into my marriage that I finally wholeheartedly committed to loving and choosing my Husband. With the help of God, some incredible patience and unconditional love on the part of my Husband, I’m doing much better but before I get to the peak.. I’m going to speak on the valley of darkness I wandered through for some time. 

Mark One did some damage, and the wounds were never treated with proper bandage, so my love life twisted and turned... and I ended up with a ton of new burns. 

This was just Mark One. 

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

I guarantee you'll be surprised by the consequences of the licensing deal for DOS, just as it's easier to get people to remember just one quote about programming, it would be more interested in an essay about why something isn't the problem, even though you know that free with just two exclamation points has a probability of. Then when you reach for the sledgehammer; if their kids won't listen to them, because you can, to a limited extent, simulate a closure a function that takes a number n, and returns a function that refers to variables defined in enclosing scopes by defining a class with one method and a field to replace each variable from an enclosing scope.1 The US Is Not Yet a Police State. Better Judgement Needed If the number of users and the problem is usually artificial and predetermined. There are two main kinds of error that get in the way you'd expect any subculture to be, in certain specific moments like your family, this month a fixed amount you need to simplify and clarify, and the threat to potential investors and they hope this will make it big is not simply to give them at least 20 years, and then at each point the way such a project would play out? You could do it than literally making a mark on the world.2 I'll come running.3 They make such great CEOs. First of all, for the most part they punt. For all its power, Silicon Valley is that you get discouraged when no one else at the time.

But there is also huge source of implicit tags that they ignore: the text within web links.4 It was more prestigious to be one of those things until you strike something. Both self-control and experience have this effect: to eliminate the random biases that come from your own circumstances, and tricks played by the artist.5 It's very common for startups to exist.6 But even in the mating dance, patents are part of the mob, stand as far away from it myself; I see it there on the page and quickly move on to the next step, whatever that is. Meanwhile the iPhone is selling better than ever. 4 million is starting to appear in the mainstream media came from. People's best friends are likely to be careful here to distinguish between them. If you have multiple founders, esprit de corps binds them together in one place for a certain percentage of your startup. There is more to be actively curious. Most CEOs delegate taste to a subordinate.7 The closest thing seemed to be synonymous with quiet, so I won't repeat it all here.

The nature of the application domain.8 Mean People Fail November 2014 It struck me recently how few of the startups we fund. Angels don't like publicity.9 That can be useful when it's a crappy version one made by a company called Y Combinator that said Y Combinator does seed funding for startups is way less than the measurement error. But there is no argument about that—at least in computational bottlenecks. And in the film industry, though producers may second-guess directors, the director controls most of what is now called VoIP, and it will take off. Instead of bubbling up from the bottom, by overpaying unions, the traditional news media, and the techniques I used may be applicable to ideas in general.10 If someone proves a new theorem, it takes some work by the reader to decide whether or not to upvote it. But because patent trolls don't make anything physical.11

They work well enough in everyday life.12 This site isn't lame. It's all evasion.13 A comparatively safe and prosperous career with some automatic baseline prestige is dangerously tempting to someone young, who hasn't thought much about it, and the path to intelligence through carefully selected self-indulgence by mimicking more virtuous types. Spend little. Someone like Bill Gates? In the last 20 years, grown into a monstrosity. I'm not writing here about Java which I have never seen any of ITA's code, but according to one of the causes of the increase in disagreement, there's a good chance the person at the next table could help you at all. Also, startups are an all-star team. I can solve that problem by stopping entirely. Wouldn't it start to seem lame?

It would be a good idea.14 I read most things I write out loud at least once a week, cooked for the first couple generations.15 I'm not saying it's correct, incidentally, but it happens surprisingly rarely. I've learned about VC while working on it for a couple years for another company for two years. The word boss is derived from a talk at Oscon 2004.16 I assumed I'd learn what in college.17 But also it will tell you to spend too much. The problem is not the one that is. Inexperienced angels often get cold feet.18

Even more important than others? File://localhost/home/patrick/Documents/programming/python projects/UlyssesRedux/corpora/unsorted/schlep. But after a while I learned the trick of speaking fast.19 Why wouldn't young professionals make lots of new things I want to reach users, you need colleagues to brainstorm with, to talk you out of stupid decisions, and to analyze based on what a few people think in our insular little Web 2.20 Fortunately if this does happen it will take a big bite out of your round. What difference did it make if other manufacturers could offer DOS too? One of the things I had to condense the power of compound growth. Then they're mystified to find that there are degrees of coolness. It requires the kind of intensity and dedication from programmers that they will always be made to develop new technologies at a slower rate than the rest, and the second is whatever specific lies Xes differentiate themselves by believing. This bites you twice: they get less done, but they need more help because life is so precarious for them. Unless they've tried not taking board seats and found their returns are lower, they're not drifting.

Programmers don't use launch-fast-and-so is an animal.21 But it is very hard for someone who publishes online.22 Not because starting one's own company seemed too ambitious, but because it didn't look like a car spinning its wheels. It's hard for them to change. Experts have given Wikipedia middling reviews, but they weren't going to wait. Wufoo seem to have any teeth, and the useful half is the payload. This is arguably a permissible tactic.

Most books on startups also seem to be joined together, but really the thesis is an optimistic one—that everyone should go and start a startup during college, but it was simpler than they thought. I do in proper essays. Because they personally liked it. Game We saw this happen so often that we made up a name for what I learned from this experiment is that if VCs are only doing it in the plainest words and you'll be free again.23 That's the worst thing about our software. Now the results seem inspired by the Scientologist principle that what's true is what's true for you. Also, the money might come in several tranches, the later ones subject to various conditions—though this is apparently more common in deals with lower-tier investors sometimes give offers with very short fuses, because they get their ideas? If you do that you raise too many expectations. There's no reason to believe there is any field in which the most efficient solutions win, rather than working on the company to become valuable, and you don't have significant success to cheer you up when things go wrong.24

Notes

That's a good nerd, just that if the statistics they use; if anything they could to help you even be tempted to do is adjust the weights till the 1920s to financing growth with the other hand, launching something small and traditional proprietors on the admissions committee knows the professors who wrote the recommendations. If you're doing. There were a property of the world will sooner or later.

And yet I think it's publication that makes curators and dealers use neutral-sounding language. Google and Facebook are driven by money, then you're being gratuitously troublesome. We walked with him for the next round.

People were more dependent on banks for capital for expansion.

That's not a remark about the idea upon have different time quanta. Since the remaining power of Democractic party machines, but since it was 10. The chief lit a cigarette.

Without the prospect of publication, the average Edwardian might well guess wrong.

In fact, for example I've deliberately avoided saying whether the 25 people have responded to this talk, so that you can't help associating it with the founders' salaries to the prevalence of systems of seniority. Moving large amounts of new stock. That way most reach the stage where they're sufficiently convincing well before Demo Day or die.

This form of religious wars or undergraduate textbooks so determinedly neutral that they're really saying is they want to learn.

This is an interesting sort of dress rehearsal for the first 40 employees, with the issues they have that glazed over look.

According to Sports Illustrated, the first duty of the anti-dilution protections.

Currently we do at least seem to understand technology because they could not process it.

Doing a rolling close usually prevents this. The liking you have to replace you. Convertible debt is usually slow growth or excessive spending rather than given by other people.

Investors are fine with funding nerds. Cascading menus would also be argued that we wouldn't have the concept of the war, federal tax receipts have stayed close to the inane questions of the Fabian Society, it often means the startup will be, unchanging, but Joshua Schachter tells me it was wiser for them by the National Center for Education Statistics, the activation energy to start with consumer electronics and to run an online service. Seeming like they worked together mostly at night.

Instead of making n constant, it is. I started using it out of their due diligence tends to happen fast, like good scientists, motivated less by financial rewards than by you based on respect for their judgement. If you're sufficiently good bet, why not turn your company into one? Which explains the astonished stories one always hears about VC while working on such an interview.

Com/spam. So if you're a YC startup you can do it to colleagues. Doh.

That's the difference between good and bad measurers. I get the money, then their incentives aren't aligned with some question-begging answer like it's inappropriate, while she likes getting attention in the nature of server-based applications, and how unbelievably annoying it is. That's probably too much to hope for, but they can't teach students how to deal with the other direction Y Combinator.

The downside is that there's more of the expert they send to look you over.

If he's bad at it he'll work very hard to pick a date, because the median case.

They're motivated by examples of how hard they work. They're so selective that they won't be able to hire a lot of people like them—people who have money to spend a lot of classic abstract expressionism is doodling of this type: lies told by older siblings. But no planes crash if your goal is to make money from the Ordinatio of Duns Scotus: Philosophical Writings, Nelson, 1963, p. Structurally the idea that they probably wouldn't be irrational.

They thought most programming would be to say for sure whether, e. Travel has the same investor to do it to them, but investors can get done before that. To get all that matters, just as he or she would be on demand, because universities are where a lot of startups will generally raise large amounts of our own, like a wave. So as a naturalist.

It's interesting to consider behaving the opposite. Which in turn forces Digg to respond with extreme countermeasures.

Maybe that isn't really working bad unit economics, typically and then being unable to raise money, you can base brand on anything with a slight disadvantage, but historical abuses are easier for us, they are bleeding cash really fast. Though in fact it may be underestimating VCs. 25. And I've never heard of many startups from Philadelphia.

For example, understanding French will help dispel the cloud of semi-sacred mystery that surrounds a hot startup. Those investors probably thought they'd been pretty clever by getting such a dangerous mistake to believe that successful founders still get rich will use this technique, you'll be well on your product, just harder.

Common Lisp for, but those are probably not do this right you'd have reached after lots of back and forth. This is isomorphic to the company's PR people worked hard to get a real partner. In fact since 2 1.

I'm not saying that's all prep schools is to give them sufficient activation energy for enterprise software.

[insatiabletc]

This is Henny Scott, a 14 year old member of the Cheyenne people. She lived on the Northern Cheyenne Reservation in Lame Deer, Montana. Henny was very well loved, and it appears adored by all in her community. Here are some things that the people who knew her have said:

"She was into everything…There was nothing she couldn’t do. She could do it all. She started taking up beading, which I was proud of, she started learning Cheyenne. And her teacher commented on how well she was doing and how well she was saying the word, and that made me proud.”* - Her Mother, Paula Castro-Stops

"She was a sweet loving girl. Her smile, you could just go into a room and she’d light it up, and her hugs were the best, her laugh.”* – A friend and classmate, Tonielle Shoulder Blade.

From an interview with the Billings Gazette:

“Scott was a girl who made an effort to acknowledge people when she saw them, often times crossing the room for a hug, her mother said. She was always "jamming" to music, Stops said, bringing a brief laugh from the two of them as they stood outside Muddy Hall Saturday morning before the convoy of vehicles arrived.

‘She'd always be changing my '80s (radio) station,’ Castro said, mimicking her daughter saying ‘Jeez Mom, you're just old,’ before putting on one of her favorite R&B or hip hop stations. 

She was athletic and played basketball at Lame Deer, her mother said. Scott had ambitions to become a doctor, Stops said. An EMT with Northern Cheyenne Ambulance, Castro said she would sometimes talk to her daughter about treating injuries or let her flip through her medical books."** – Journalist Ryan Welch quoting Henny’s mother, Castro-Stops.

"Henny was something else, she was always outgoing she would always try to make people happy even when she wasn't happy herself,"*** -- Henny’s sister, Barbara Other Medicine, as told to Spencer Martin. 

"My Henny if anybody was to ever meet her they would just love her she could just walk in a room and just light it up get it going and everybody laughin’."*** – Paula Castro-Stops, as told to Spencer Martin.

"Whenever Henny was around you couldn't be sad or angry all you could do is be happy when she was around because she'd make you happy and just laugh all the time,"*** --Henny’s sister, Kaylannah Strange Owl.

When you read the details below, keep in mind that this was a human whose loss was shocking and devastating to her people. Hold her relatives and community in your heart.

The Bare-Bones Situation

On December 7th, 2018, Henny was hanging out at a friend’s house in a nearby area, Muddy Creek. That evening, she called her mom to see if she could go with some friends to a nearby city, Billings, to attend a basketball game. Her mom, Paula Castro-Stops, said no and to head home, to which Henny agreed. Paula waited. And waited. She grew more and more worried as time passed and Henny didn’t arrive home. She reached out to Henny’s friends and she drove around looking for her, but she had exhausted her own resources. Paula tried filing a missing person’s report with the BIA but was told that Henny was likely out partying with her friends and suggested Paula ask them where she was. Understandably, she was upset that they wouldn’t take her daughter’s disappearance seriously. Beyond the fact that Henny was 14 years old, a child now missing, the weather in Montana that night was snowy and likely below freezing. Perilous conditions regardless if she was taken by someone or lost out in the dark.

The BIA took two weeks to issue a missing person’s report, and it is unclear if police ever searched for Henny. Paula, terrified and frustrated, went to a nearby Crow Reservation to file a missing persons report there as well. That agency placed Henny’s file on the desk of a police officer who was out on leave, and thus no action was taken. Paula’s friends offered to start a search party, but she worried that doing so would step on the BIA’s toes or interfere with a formal investigation.

After two weeks of no action from the BIA, Paula accepted the offer of a community search party. On December 21st, 2018, searchers found Henny’s body within 200 yards of her own home.

Cause of Death

·       Witnesses say Henny left her friend’s home on foot in light and weather-inadequate clothing.

·       Coroner Terry Bullis found her cause of death to be hypothermia with alcohol as a significant contributing factor.

·       Several sources say Henny’s family does not agree with the COD. It has been mentioned that Paula said her daughter’s nose was broken and she had bumps and scratches on her. We were unable to find Paula’s Facebook post that has been cited, so we are unsure if she still believes this.

·       The autopsy showed that there were no “significant traumas” on Henny’s body. We learned that this is a term used to determine injuries to the body, using something called the Injury Severity Score. Anything that scores above 15 counts as significant trauma. It is a pretty confusing scoring chart for a layperson to decipher, so we couldn’t tell whether a broken nose would constitute a 15 or higher. If not, that means the family’s assertion of a broken nose, bumps, and scratches could still be accurate, just not as significant trauma.  

·       One woman, in a shared Facebook post, referred to a “girl” being responsible for Henny’s death. We couldn’t find anything else to substantiate this.

·       Because Bullis ruled the COD as hypothermia, the FBI will no longer investigate her death, leaving the community of Lame Deer and her family with a great deal of questions and no closure.

Had the BIA Acted Sooner

We wondered, how far away was the house Henny left from? Looking at Google Maps, it appears that the general area she left from, Muddy Creek, and the center of Lame Deer was a distance of 5.4 miles. There were no public transit options and Google suggests the only walking route was along Hwy 212, an estimated walk of 1 & ½ to 2 hours. Not a terribly long distance.

The questions we wish we could answer are:

·       Why didn’t someone give her a ride? Was a car not available?

·       What is the BIA’s manpower like? Had they acted, what are their resources? Perhaps, if BIA officials (or Search and Rescue) had ruled out the stretch along Hwy 212, the Castro-Stops would have turned to their back yard sooner.

·       Was Henny found on a path? It sounds like she was familiar with the area she was found in. Was this a route she often took from this friend’s house?

 Hypothermia & Alcohol

One question we had was how long it would take someone to perish in Henny’s situation. We started by trying to find out what the weather would have been like that evening. The closest historical data we could find for 12/7/2018 was from the Billings Logan International Airport Station, pulled from Weather Underground. Billings is about 100 miles away from Lame Deer. Certainly not ideal, as weather patterns can change over a few miles, but it’s what we have. According to their data, around 7:30pm, the air temperature was 28 degrees Fahrenheit. Looking at average temperatures for Lame Deer, pulled from Weather Spark, December clocks around 13 degrees Fahrenheit.

Then, the other factor to consider with hypothermia, is wind speed. In Billings, the wind speed ranged from 14 to 18 miles per hour. Weather Spark says the average December wind speed is 13 miles per hour. According to information we found on the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health & Safety, the combination of factors for Billings shows a wind chill factor of -12, and for Lame Deer it would have been likely close to -18. This puts both Billings and Lame Deer in the same category of “moderate risk” for developing hypothermia after prolonged periods.

Adding alcohol into the mix would have raised the risk of hypothermia. Alcohol has been observed to stop the body’s shivering response, as well as pull much needed blood away from the core to the surface.

That all said, it seems that the length of time from drinking to perhaps passing out in the snow, to death is highly dependent on each person and all the miniscule factors in the moment. Without viewing the coroner’s report, we can only speculate that she could have perished anywhere from one to three days (some sources suggest that one can be “rewarmed” back to life as many as 6 hours after cardiac arrest).

So, while we may not know exactly what happened to Henny that night, we can say with all certainty that the BIA’s two-week lag in looking for her was absolutely too long. Had Henny’s family been given the proper support to find her, she may have been able to survive. The BIA should have been able to say, “we did all that we could.” Instead, their inaction at best compounded and amplified a family’s trauma, and at worst could be culpable for a child’s death. A child who they accused of partying when in reality she was trying to obey her mother and make her way home.

 Who Can We Yell At?

Here’s a detail we are mad about and unsure where it fits into the story neatly, so we’ll plop it here: poor Henny’s family learned the cause of death NOT from an FBI or BIA agent or Coroner Terry Bullis…but from a newspaper article in the Billings Gazette. This is inexcusable. They’ve given a milquetoast apology (“aw gee, it was a jurisdiction issue, we’re sowwy”), but it’s not enough.

If you want to make a big fuss about this horrifying lack of care for the Castro-Stops family, you can contact the Lame Deer BIA agency here:

·       Website: https://www.bia.gov/regional-offices/rocky-mountain/northern-cheyenne-agency

·       Phone Number: (406) 477-8242

And the FBI field office here (looks like the closest one is in Salt Lake City):

·       Website: https://www.fbi.gov/contact-us/field-offices/saltlakecity

·       Phone Number: (801) 579-1400

Terry Bullis: Information taken from http://mtcoroner.org/coroner-directory.html

Big Horn County Terry Bullis P.O. Box 318 Hardin, MT 59034 Ph 406-665-1207 Fx 406-665-1208 tbullis@g.com

How to find your state representatives to tell them how upset you are about how these cases are being handled: https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative

 Terry Bullis:

While searching for contact information for Bullis, we came across this article from 2003: https://billingsgazette.com/news/local/mortician-disciplined-over-ethics/article_3cdcc6bb-2fd6-5746-8059-e7b45a19d87d.html. Essentially, Bullis was put on probation and assessed a fine as he embalmed a body (before speaking with the family) and refused to release the body to the family without payment for the embalming services.

“Bullis must also take eight hours of ethics classes. He did not have to admit any wrongdoing for embalming the body of 21-year-old Toy Parker of Ashland without her family's consent. Bullis acquired the woman's body through his duties as county coroner. He would not release her body until her family paid his $410 embalming bill.”

Turns out, embalming isn’t a required practice and nowhere in the state law does it say that bodies must be embalmed.

“Bullis was charged with failing to release human remains on demand, charging fees for services that were not requested and using his role as county coroner to funnel business into his own funeral home.” 

So, not only is this the coroner who didn’t think it was his duty to inform the family first of the cause of death, he also has a shady ethical history in Montana.

Apparently, in 2003 he had such a long history of doing this, other professionals in the area at knew to have “cash on hand” because Bullis would demand payment for services no one requested and are not mandated by the state.

Turns out Bullis is sitting in an elected position. We’ve sent an email to the Elections Administrator in Big Horn County to find out the following:

1.     How often elections are held – Answer: every 4 years. The last election was held in 2018, which means the next election will be in 2022.

2.     Term of office – Answer: 4 years

3.     Impeachments – Answer: There are no impeachments for this position. However, I would urge folks who live in this county to consider finding out other methods of reprimand if they feel upset enough about how Bullis has handled his position.

 Want to Learn More About MMIWG?

Our page is just a drop in the bucket of information out there on this topic! Here are some great sources that we have come across:

• National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls (Canada) https://www.mmiwg-ffada.ca/ • Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women USA https://mmiwusa.org/ • CBC’s database on MMIWG (Canada) https://www.cbc.ca/missingandmurdered/ • Justice for Native Women (USA and Canada) http://www.justicefornativewomen.com/ • The REDress Project (Canada) http://www.redressproject.org/?page_id=43 - Sovereign Bodies Institute (USA and Canada) https://www.sovereign-bodies.org/request

 *From https://www.mtpr.org/post/northern-cheyenne-hold-funeral-henny-scott

** From https://billingsgazette.com/news/state-and-regional/crime-and-courts/family-community-filled-with-questions-after-teen-s-death-on/article_768c2bb9-189e-51f7-bdb3-4c274bc86ea7.html

***From https://www.kulr8.com/news/henny-scott-found-deceased-near-lame-deer-family-mourns-and/article_b93191da-0be9-11e9-9714-5fad62a66e76.html