#absolutely gut wrenching but so fucking good at the same time

[owen-not-carvour]

finally managed to make it all the way through listening to my icimi vinyl for the first time yesterday so here’s some highlights of how that went.

-it took me 3 days to listen to the whole album. there were parts i just had to replay and then other parts that i couldn’t stand to hear at that moment so i just did something else or went to sleep instead.

-that was another thing. music was so good it was putting me to sleep lol. (i am talking about side b!!!) (also didn’t help that i was already tired from work and whatever else)

-becoming the lastnames made me cry TWICE. i hate that song bc it makes me feel things :/ bc it really is an incredible song for a lot of reasons. first time was just in general. second time was when he hits that high note at That One Part

-bc i cried at lastnames i couldn’t cry at euthanasia. i always cry at that song, so that was actually nice to Not for once.

-pretty much for the rest of the time i listened to that side i wanted to cry but legit couldn’t bc lastnames had me Wrecked lol

-a day goes by and i Finally put the Other vinyl on the thing! half decade and vampire reference were just as good as usual. however,, i forgot that you liked this is the track After that. so hdh and vampire put me half to sleep and i just hear WELCOME TO YOUR PLATFORM. it was a whole jump scare and i have never ripped my headphones off faster. because of That i couldn’t bring myself to listen to it. fast forward to main character. much better.

-third and final day: against the kitchen floor made me cry right off the bat :) sex, drugs, rock n roll had me on the Floor (literally. this whole album is just blow after blow) AND THEN THE TRANSITION TO BFB MADE MY WHOLE DAY!! i forgot it was there but omfg i love that silly little song.. 47 seconds of whatever that is between all the heavy stuff was so nice i legit had to listen to it again before i could listen to willard! it was like the opposite of the you liked this transition lol

-white noise hit so hard at the end. i love that song but.. yknow Usually i don’t get silence after i listen to it and that was just. …hm. (in the best way)

[dinozarr]

“YOU SOUND SO GORGEOUS, DARLING.”⠀⠀⠀⟡⠀NANAMI

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀“Shhh~ sweetheart, you’ll wake the neighbors,” kento’s strained voice purred into your mouth, your equally hot breaths fanning against one another’s face after every rut he thrusted into you.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀one of your arms was stretched back completely, knuckles painted white as your fingers curled into the fabric of the couch you were seated on. the other was wrapped around kento’s head, fingertips entwining within his distressed curls. one of kento’s large arms was slithered around your waist, his grip all too firm as the other hand simply rested against your ass cheek that had nothing more than a tomato-red hand print practically engraved onto it.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀the tip of his pulsating erection hit your cervix so beautifully, cries of ecstasy hiccuping from your mouth each time he pounded his hips into your own. nothing could’ve prepared you for the absolute beat down your dripping cunt would receive when you accepted kento’s offer of having a few drinks at his place. it all happened so fast. within a few sips and you two were at it like rabid animals.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀“you sound so gorgeous, darling~” he continued to compliment you, giving into your gut-wrenching praise kink that had your stomach churning every time he spoke dearly to you.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀the way he alluded you was completely unlike how he was abusing every last inch of your sopping pussy. the girth of his over-average dick stretched you out wonderfully, your eyes rolling back all the while you rested your forehead against his own. with each hip snap nanami gave you, his grasp around your waist tightened—almost as if he were to let go he’d lose you.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀the veins that protruded his leaking erection raked your clenching walls with ease, whimpers of mercy exerting your sweet swollen lips. kento couldn’t help himself. the way you acted so pristine and elegant in front of everyone, yet was the complete opposite when behind closed doors had driven the man mad. he wanted nothing more than to rip your prissy little blazer suits to shreds in front of everyone and show them how much you enjoyed taking every last inch of his dick.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀he wanted his shape to be engraved into you. for every time he slid through your folds, your body would instantly recognize him and suck him in completely. well, more than it already does. he craved for littering your silky skin in bite marks so that every person you ever crossed paths with would know who was fucking your pathetic cunt, and how good he was treating it too.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀no matter how many times he denied it, he found himself smiling at just the scent of your infamous perfume. how it suffocated his entire existence and even left trails on all pieces of clothing he’s ever worn to work. whenever he saw you, it was like restraining a tiger fighting himself so he wouldn’t attack you with his lips and strip you to nothing but your bare, beautiful body.

NOTEZ : erm !!! all of these professor nanami drabbles will be in the same universe with the same reader, so do with that info what u please.

© TAKST4Z 2023 — all rights reserved. mature discretion. please do not plagiarize or steal any of my works or grapnics.

[amymbona]

cant stop thinking about making art watch as you and patrick fuck since he was being bad that day😖

That VIOLENT. I love it.

His poor cock is fucking aching, the pink tip continuously rubbing against the carpet through the thin and fully soaked fabric of hi boxers. He's like a hungry little dog, whimpering at the sight of you two fucking.

You're smiling as if this is a holiday, locking eyes with Art across the room as Patrick keeps pounding into you from behind. What's worse, you're not even laying in the proper direction, instead choosing to face Art, as so to remind him what priviledge he has lost.

"How's he?" Patrick murmurs, his face buried in the crook of your shoulder, hands tightly cupping your breasts and rolling your nipples between his fingers. God, this is even more arousing to him when he knows Art is watching and that he'd love to be in either or your spots.

"Fucking miserable," you scoff, lips pulling into a smile as Art keeps blinking up at you, silently begging to have mercy, "You were a bad boy, Artie, d'you know that?"

Art nods, a small, strained hum escaping his plump lips. You can very clearly see the dark stain of precum on his light pink boxers.

"Words, Art. Can you do anything right today?" Patrick groans from behind you, raising his own head to look at the blonde boy. And if your expression was taunting, Patrick's is downright nightmarish.

Art gulps, the unsteady movement of his hips coming to a halt as he struggles not to just reach into his boxers and do the work, knowing damn well that either of you would make his life hell if he did. He nods. "Yes, 'm sorry."

"You were a bad fucking boy," Patrick reminds him, his length slamming harder and harder into the insides of your cunt, earning the sweetest moans of arousal from your lips. "Say it."

This is so humiliating, reducing Art to a complete mess, but he knows Patrick is right. He was a bad boy, incredibly bad, first whining and misbehaving the whole day and then touching himself without your premission.

"I..." he whines, his groin lightly rolling against the carpet, his dick literally threatening to burst. "I was a bad boy. I'm sorry, please let me-"

"Say it again," Patrick demands roughly.

"I was a bad boy. Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was so so bad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

His dick is on fire, so hard and hot, begging to be touched, to be kissed and to be brought towards the much needed release. It hurts, it hurts so fucking bad that at one point, Art starts crying, sobbing on the floor like the desperate little puppy he is.

The sight makes your heart swell, so satisfying and yet gut wrenching at the same time. Art was a very, very bad boy today, and you know he deserves to be punished, but he's such a good boy at most times. And it breaks you to see him in pain. "Should we forgive him?"

Patrick scoffs, he fucking laughs in your ear, drops of cum leaking into your cunt from how hard he laughs at your words. "Are you fucking serious? Absolutely not."

[godsfavoritescientist]

Billford Fic Recs: Part 1

Everything on this list is rated either Gen or Teen, so it’s accessible for the sex-repulsed billford fans out there. Part 2 will be all the fics that don’t fit within those ratings! Everything on this list (aside from the still-updating one) is a completed fic that was written year/s before Book of Bill came out. Most of these are under 5k words, and while most of them are pre-betrayal and canon compliant, there’s a few that cover different eras in the timeline and AUs. These are some of my all-time favorite billford fics, plus some bill-centric fics at the end of the list.

A Change of Scenery, by Nelja https://archiveofourown.org/works/10914882 Pre-betrayal, Ford’s perspective, 4k words

This fic really nails the devotion-to-the-point-of-obsession that Ford had for Bill. It’s one of the very first fics I think of when someone asks for recommendations. Really really top tier stuff. I wish there were more fics that had this same tone and a central focus on Ford’s obsessive worship of Bill. I can’t do this fic justice, you just have to experience the writing for yourself.

The Writing of Destiny, by Nelja https://archiveofourown.org/works/6256570 Pre-betrayal, Ford’s perspective, 1k words

This fic says so much with so few words. It goes over Ford’s feelings for Bill, as well as some moments in Ford’s life that led up to becoming the kind of person who would fall for Bill.

Devote, by orphan_account https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783656 Pre-betrayal, Ford’s perspective, 600 words

Ford gets a tattoo. This one is also chock full of the obsessive devotion Ford had for Bill. It’s a delicious little peek into how potent his feelings for Bill were.

Loose from the Lever, by clockheartedcrocodile https://archiveofourown.org/works/32120011/chapters/79575955 Pre-betrayal, mostly Fiddleford’s outside perspective, 9k words

The imagery and voice in this one is fucking impeccable. Best I’ve ever read on ao3. It’s also an absolutely chilling read. Fiddleford can sort of piece together the fact that Ford is working with… someone. And meanwhile, Ford’s relationship with Bill in this one is gut-wrenching to see. Bill is cold and calculating in ways that are arguably disproven by the book of bill, but it’s still such a believable read on their relationship.

Now You See, by MaryPSue https://archiveofourown.org/works/8134141 Mostly pre-betrayal, AU where Bill comes through the portal in the 80’s, 4k words

Only billford if you squint. This one’s about Ford undergoing a slow body horror transformation while building the portal. Bill stops him from enlisting Fiddleford’s help, and his uneasiness and isolation is so palpable. This fic is good at building atmosphere.

The Ol’ Three Legged Waltz, by equilateralromance https://archiveofourown.org/works/35691013 Pre-betrayal, AU where Bill is upfront about a lot more things from the start, 3.5k

This one has such a unique writing style, it feels very romantic in the classic sense of the word, like it was written in an era gone by. Their relationship is very soft and tender in this one, a win for fluff fans everywhere. It’s about the first time Bill possesses Ford, and is a very sweet what-if for a world where Bill is better at letting Ford in, emotionally speaking.

Stars in my black and blue sky, by idrilhadhafang https://archiveofourown.org/works/41989533 Ford reminisces on how much he used to love Bill. 1k words

Solid characterization in this one. It’s short and to-the-point and feels true to canon.

Weirdpocalypse, by completetheory https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798036 Post-canon, Bill visits Ford’s dreams, 1k words

This one’s a really interesting take on why Weirdmageddon failed. Very bittersweet.

One Stage of Grief, by Fooeyburr https://archiveofourown.org/works/13969392 Post-betrayal, Ford in the multiverse grappling with how he feels about Bill, 8k words

This one is all about Ford obsessing over what he had with Bill while refusing to come to terms with the fact that he cared about Bill! Which is all set up/framed by some fun multiverse worldbuilding, too. - Bonus round: Bill-centric fics -

Wasting Away Again in the Goldilocks Zone, by ckret2 https://archiveofourown.org/works/57714430/chapters/147167545 Post-canon, Bill dragged kicking and screaming down a very long road towards redemption, updates weekly and will end up being hundreds of thousands of words at minimum.

This is the fic for Bill growing and changing as a person in post-canon. Every single doubt and hesitation you might have about whether Bill is even capable of change? It’s absolutely taken into account in this one. Seriously, its characterization of Bill is so scarily good that it accidentally predicted a mountain of things that got revealed in the Book of Bill. If you invest your time in one super long fic in your life, make it this one.

A Romance of Many Dimensions, by Haley3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/20796845/chapters/49427522 Covers the span of Bill’s entire life in detail. Finished work. 250k words

A breathtakingly ambitious fic that consistently knocks it out of the park. There are so many things I could say about this fic that I don’t even know where to start. I feel a lot of things about this fic. If you’ve ever wanted a fic that delves into Bill’s psyche and is tragic in its (pre-tbob) canon compliance, and has an opening set in flatland that approaches things from a really creative angle, and has my favorite interpretation of the axolotl, and rewires your whole brain, then this is the fic for you. Feels a bit reductive when it covers Bill’s time interacting with Native Americans on earth, but otherwise one of The Fics of All Time.

[galvanizedfriend]

HIII if you don’t mind sharing, what are your fav klaroline fics? New and old, I’m in need of new reads 🙏

I'm probably not the best person to be doing new fic recs. 🥲 I have sadly not been reading that much Klaroline myself these days. When I do read fic, it's for other stuff. So my recs are either old or new-ish. 😂 But hopefully you can find something to your liking that haven't read yet here.

Buckle up because I took my sweet time with this list, nonnie.

. Inertia Overcome by @avari20

The first KC fanfic I remember reading the reason why I finally got pulled into the fandom after years of watching TVD as a reasonable spectator (so rly, if you guys can't stand to see me around anymore after all this time, it's this fic's fault for being so good). Honestly one of this fandom's statement works. If you haven't read it yet, please do.

. Timeless by @marvelouskatie

Same as the above. One of the most iconic KC fics of all time imho. The canon AU to end all canon AU. When I first decided to come out of the shadows and create a tumblr and actually start interacting with folks, this was the first fic that was recced to me. I was very grateful then, and now I'm here to pass this knowledge on.

. Picturesque by @supernutellastuff

Honestly of the sweetest, most heartwarming fics I've ever read! It's a human AU that's a How I Met Your Mother sort of adaptation, and honestly the first time I've ever enjoyed HIMYM. I love a good ensemble fic and this is just it! Supernutella is so talented.

. Quiet Light by @definedareasofuncertainty

This fic was WRITTEN FOR ME because of how much I pestered my friend Luiza about Carolijah and this will forever feel like a trophy to my heart. 🥰 It made me feel ALL THE FEELINGS. I hated Caroline, I loved Caroline, I loved my baby Elijah, I hated him, I also hated Klaus (he's such a fucking asshole omfg), but then the end was just DHAGHDDASAS!! You think you're in for a certain kind of story and it turns out to be so much more. It is, deep down, about the brothers, how selfish they are, how they can hurt each other more than anyone, but how they love one another above anything else, even when they want to kill each other (and fall in love with their brother's girl!!!). It's beautiful, like everything Luiza writes, and it genuinely made me cry.

. long limbs and frozen swim by @definedareasofuncertainty

I saw a discussion the other day about how whoever wrote this fic JUST GOT IT, and I have to say I completely agree with the person who made that comment. Luiza just NAILS Caroline's grief and loneliness after her mother's death, how isolating and gut-wrenching it is. Klaus being the person who finds her, who knows exactly what to say without her ever having to spell it out, the one who can truly see her, is so honest too. This fic is sensitive and absolutely beautiful. Luiza's writing is perfection and this is for sure one of my all-time favorites.

. Whisper to me, Help me remember by @lalainajanes

This story reimagines the plot with the "villains" of TO S3 in a way that proves my point that the premise of that season was good, but execution was absolute crap. All of the potential the De Martels had to be incredible antagonists was completely destroyed at the hands of the show writers - but explored to perfection by Laine's much more capable hands. Klaus is freed after 10 years in captivity to find that Caroline had been working with Tristan this whole time in order to take him down - except something is not quite right about that. While you're at it, please read all of Laine's fics! It's a delight.

. Into the Woods by @jinxedwood

I wept when I read this because it's the post-TO canon fic I didn't even know I needed. Caroline's search for a way to stop her twins' merger ends up leading her to someone who's been watching over her on the Other Side. 😭 I thought I'd always rather live in denial when it came to how TO ended, but this fic made my heart so full! Also, jinxedwood's use of fae mythology here was incredible.

. All I Need by @euvixen

This story is HOT. It taught me things about the werewolf AU universe I was not prepared to learn, but I am a much happier person after reading it. It's a canon mates AU that will leave you 🥵🥵🥵🥵 I speak as though the story was merely about the smut, but it's actually much more than that. A TVD S3 reimagine of sorts that is incredibly satisfying. That's my favorite season of TVD, but this is still even better.

. the birth and death of the day by @little-miss-sunny-daisy

Anyone who's known me for a some time knows how this fic was my entire personality for a while there. I'm obsessed with Kelly's writing, and I have this fic on a freaking pedestal. I first started reading it when it was on a six years hiatus, and I was *so* into it I didn't even bother me that it might never get updated because it was so good I was just happy I'd found it. But then my silly comments inspired Kelly to come back to it, finish it, and it has honestly been my greatest accomplishment as a part of this fandom because this is a masterpiece. It's a TVD/Supernatural crossover where Caroline is a step-sister to the Superbros. It's truly, truly epic, with beautiful writing. This could genuinely be a show. It's amazing, just read it.

. this is a harvest by @highgaarden

This, right here, is the perfect Klaroline-within-canon story. This is the story that put my revolt to rest and gave my spirit some much deserved peace where those two are concerned. This is exactly what canon should've been like. I'm not even joking, this is IT. If you'd asked me what I thought the perfect Klaroline development should be like I probably would've said something very vague because I couldn’t explain it, I’m not that great or creative a writer, but now I can just show you this story and let you bask in the amazingness of a fantastic read that will not only keep you thoroughly entertained, but will also be the answer to all the questions you didn't even know you had.

. Paradise Lost by Borzoi

When i grow up, I want to learn how to write like Borzoi. All of their fics are incredible novella-like reads. It's addictive. And this is probably my favorite (it varies though, sometimes I'm in a Parisian Deal era). What happens after Klaus and Caroline sleep together in 5x11, and how they eventually find their way back to each other. It's just one of those stories that you can't stop reading after you start. It's so rich, so deep, so perfectly IC. One of those fics to end all fics.

. The Stubborn Grace of Being Loved Regardless by @helpless-in-sleep One of the modern day classics, if you will. This fic is such a stunning, vivid and delicate picture of Caroline's mind as she was dealing with the consequences of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Damon. She's still human, but she's probably more IC than we've seen her ever on the show when it comes to this. The bond she forms with Klaus is truly incredible too, and speaks a lot of how the two of them really do have a lot in common (even with Caroline still as a human), but it's really the Caroline study part of the story that touches me. The writing is absolutely beautiful as well.

. it takes a while to settle down by theviolinist

This story is a punch to your stomach, but it is PERFECTION in 8k words. It's hot, it's bittersweet, it's SO in character and, in my head, I kinda like to pretend that this is what happened before Caroline married Stefan. lol

. Wanderlust by @bellemorte180 Anybody who was a part of fandom around the time this story was being published can tell you how much of an EVENT it was. There were discussion groups about the mystery. It was so entertaining. Erica's attention to detail and how she wove the little clues throughout the chapters made this a genuine thriller. I particularly some of the side-characters here. It's honestly another fandom staple I think everyone should read.

--

In terms of newer fics that I can rec you, I have two that are on my TBR. One of them is a WIP that I've been slowly going through, and the other one I know was recently finished.

. make them bow by @stars-and-darkness

This was recced to me by two friends recently and I started reading it a while back and thought it was incredible! I have sadly been awful with keeping up with stuff, but just based on the raving reviews and the five chapters I read, I fully believe it to be just as awesome as it seems to be. The writing was so good, and I was just in love with Klaus' voice in this story. It was so reminescent of early-days TVD Klaus, which is by far my favorite Klaus of all. Sexy and dangerous and so smooth. I loved it! Need to get back to it.

. Wolf Club by @Radioactive79

Listen, if you like kid fics, this is absolutely for you. The whole story is narrated by an eight-year-old OC, the daughter of Ray Sutton, the first werewolf Klaus kills when he's trying to start his mass-production of hybrids. She's a little wolf herself, and a while little thing who was subjected to her fair share of child trauma. Klaus has no idea what to do with her, but ends up taking her with him as continues on his journey, and ends up forging a bond with the little girl. I cannot tell you how delicious this story is. It has Klaroline, yes, but for me the little girl is the absolute star of the company. I usually hate OCs, especially children, in fics, but this one is AMAZING. Seriously. The way this story is written is glorious. I can't recommend it enough.

[marvelsmylife]

Admiring from afar

Pairing: Bodhi Duran x reader

Request: I want a oneshot where the reader is in third year with xaden and garrick and she's sorta like platonic with xaden and he trusts her with his life and secrets and protective of her as best freinds. Bodhi has always had feelings for her but thinks xadens the better one for her. I wanna see how the reader will express her feelings towards bodhi and how it will play out. Maybe make the reader more possessive and morally grey pls

A/n I absolutely ADORE Bodhi. If you guys have any requests for him send them my way

Warning: jealousy to angst to fluff

Main Masterlist

Fourth Wing Masterlist

Bodhi has been in love with you for as long as he can remember. He loved how fiercely independent you were and stood up to anyone, even if they were twice your size. The only problem was that you never gave him the time of day.

Since you were always by Xaden’s side, he assumed you two were an item but didn’t want to tell anyone. Both you and Xaden were extremely private people that didn’t like talking about who you were fucking, and people were too afraid to ask.

Bodhi thought he was doing a good job hiding his feelings towards you, but he was sorely mistaken. You knew about his crush on you, and yes, you also found him attractive, but you tried your best to ignore the longing stares from him. Seeing as he was cousins with your best friend, you didn’t want to get involved with him because if you broke up, your friendship with Xaden might end too.

You took pride in being able to hide your emotions towards Bodhi, but apparently, you weren’t doing a good job as of recently. You didn’t know why, but watching Bodhi hang out with Imogen irritated you, and Xaden noticed. Xaden took it upon himself to tease you about having a crush on his cousin. “I want to know how long you’ve had hots for my cousin?” Xaden teased and earned a punch from you.

“Shut the fuck up,” you muttered before looking over and realizing Bodhi was staring at you, “Great, he’s staring.”

Xaden just laughed harder before ruffling your hair.

Meanwhile, Bodhi was watching the scene in front of him and grew jealous of your interaction with his cousin. He knew he had no right to be jealous, but he was, and he hated himself for it. “So, when are you going to grow some balls and tell y/n how you feel about her?” Imogen asked Bodhi and caused him to come back to reality.

Without skipping a beat, Bodhi replied, “The same day you do the same and tell Garrick how you feel about him.” Imogen grew serious at Bodhi’s comment and caused Bodhi to let out a hearty laugh, “What? Did you think no one knew about your crush on him?”

Imogen didn’t get a chance to reply; your voice boomed from across the field, “Duran, stop fucking around and do the task you were told,” you shouted with a scowl on your face before storming away.

Bodhi and Imogen exchanged confused looks at your orders but did as they were told before they got scolded again.

You didn’t see Bodhi until three days later during dinner. You were ashamed of your reaction, so you did everything in your power to avoid him after you lashed out at him and Imogen for no reason.

You tried not to look over at him, so you started to play fighting with Xaden. It worked for a moment until you had a gut-wrenching feeling to look towards Bodhi’s direction. You felt your heart break when you spotted Imogen whispering something into Bodhi’s ear, which caused you to slam your fist onto the table. That earned you a few stares, so you shot up from your seat and exited the dining hall with Xaden yelling after you.

You cried from frustration in your room for several minutes before you heard someone knocking on your door. “Go away, Xaden. I don’t want to talk,” you managed to get out.

“Y/n, please let me in,” You froze when you heard Bodhi’s voice on the other side, “I’m not leaving until you open your door, so I know you’re ok.”

You cursed to yourself because you knew he would follow through, so you reluctantly opened your door, “There, you saw me. Now leave.”

Just as you were about to close your door, Bodhi managed to slip through and entered your room, “What the fuck are you doing. I didn’t give you permission to enter my room.”

“I don’t care,” Bodhi replied, “What’s wrong? And don’t try to lie to me; Xaden said you’ve been off these past three days. Did someone do something to you?”

Bodhi didn’t know why, but he started to get angry at the thought of someone doing something to you. When you shook your head no, he inhaled sharply before asking, “Did I do something to you? If I did, I’m really sorry.”

You felt your heart break at Bodhi’s words. “Bodhi- fuck” You took a deep breath before looking back at him and continued, “I’m sorry I’m not good at this, but- I have feelings towards you, and it scares the crap out of me.”

To your surprise, Bodhi backed you up against your door and kissed you passionately. You eagerly kissed him back, your hands clinging to his flight jacket as if you were afraid he would disappear. “You are the only woman who has ever had my heart.” Bodhi said when he reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, “I have been yours since we were children.”

“I know,” you confessed, “That was the other reason I was such a bitch to you and Imogen. I thought you finally moved on from me just as I came to terms with my feelings towards you. I know I’m a horrible person for only saying this now, but-”

“You’re not a horrible person,” Bodhi cut you off, “and if I’m being honest, I was also jealous. You don’t know how jealous I get watching Xaden and Garrick joke around with you so easily. Imogen immediately notices and teases me for my reactions. When you would see her whispering into my ear, it was her teasing me for my reaction to your interactions with them. I have no desire to be with her; I only want to be with you.”

You felt tears running down your cheeks at Bodhi’s words and found yourself pulling him into a kiss. This time, you took control, and Bodhi was happy to follow your lead. “Bodhi Duran, would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I thought I was supposed to be the one asking you that question?” Bodhi joked.

“You are,” you replied, “But I’m going to be the one calling the shots in this relationship.”

Bodhi let out a soft chuckle at your response, “I’m more than ok with that,” Bodhi responded before pulling you into another kiss.

[libraryofloveletters]

chapter three: the eyes never lie

Chalres Leclerc x Fem!Reader + Carlos Sainz Jr x Fem!Reader

Warnings: nerves, guilty feelings, charles is a bit oblivious to the fact that his girlfriend is out here like that, inconsistent race schedules sorry, carlos is ignoring/not feeling the guilt, mentions of cheating, a few cheeky comments from carlos, tension, lingering looks, flirting, the use of 'slut' in a derogatory way.

Word Count: 2.4k

Author's Note: sorry for the wait besties! hopefully y'all are into this as much as I am lmao

Call My Name Masterlist

---

The nerves were racking you and you can't help but feel guilty about your actions.

Your darling boyfriend Charles seems to notice your nerves, but chalked it up to nothing more than nerves over your upcoming exams. It was more than that; it was the fact that you had left him with a good intention of going home and somehow ended up in the bed of his teammate.

There's a bit of a break between the races in Monaco and Monza, you and Charles spent the majority of the break in Monaco, relaxing and unwinding - at least Charles was.

It's eating away at you, swallowing you whole every time you look at your boyfriend. You felt guilty just thinking about Carlos, let alone when Charles brings him up - you push away the thoughts, shutting the conversation down.

You love Charles or at least that's what you keep telling yourself.

Forcing yourself to think that you were in love with him and in some ways you were, but you knew that it was never going to be the same way it was with Carlos.

Now, if it was love you felt for Carlos? You weren't sure.

All you knew was that Charles never - in the 7 months you've been together - ever made you feel the way that Carlos did.

Days to Monza turned into hours and into seconds; now, there you are, at the home of Ferrari with your boyfriend. You find yourself, surrounded by Charles and Carlos, their faces plastered everywhere, the crowds chanting their names; you can't escape either of them.

It wasn't Charles you wanted to escape, but Carlos.

He was everywhere you didn't want him to be.

It was easy to pretend with Charles after a while. You ignored everything Carlos related, you and Charles lived in a harmonious little bubble without a thing in the world to bother you. Now that you've left, it was hard - so hard. Every single second you had a gut wrenching feeling that you'd be caught. That someone, somewhere, would know what you and Carlos did in Monaco.

They'd find out that you weren't a loving girlfriend but instead a cheating slut.

While you were battling your moral conscience every day, Carlos seemed perfectly fine.

You never understood how he managed to go on with his days as if you two hadn't done anything wrong. It was wrong, so fucking wrong but god, did it feel good. The guilt was eating you alive, you needed to talk to Carlos - you didn't need to be around him, you really should stay away but you needed to get this off your chest.

Charles was in the media pen and you had maybe half an hour before he came back. So you took that as your chance to go speak to his teammate.

Finding your way to his driver's room, you knock on the door. You were expecting Carlos, not Rupert. "Hey, y/n." The ginger smiles, "everything okay ?"

Rupert wasn't expecting you, his brows furrowed as he sees you peek behind him. "Is Carlos here? I uh.. I need to speak to him."

"He had to grab something from his car, he'll be back in a few."

"Oh," you nod, "I'll come back."

"No no, that's okay. You can come in and wait for him, he'll be back in a few and I have to go prep his stuff for quali anyways."

"You're sure?" You asked, hesitantly stepping into the room.

"Absolutely," Rupert steps to the side, letting you make yourself comfortable before shutting the door behind him as he leaves.

You sit by yourself for a while, taking in the surroundings. You had never actually been in his driver's room - you had no reason to be in there. There's a Spain flag hanging on the wall, a few family photos here and there, a terrifying comparison photo of him and his father; something of nightmares but to each their own. The pillow behind you had the Spain flag printed on it, your finger traced over the patterns when the door opens.

"You're not Rupert," the voice calls, shutting the door behind them. Setting the pillow down, you look up to see Carlos. "Would you like me to call him back?" You asked, standing up before you fixed the pillow.

Carlos smiled, shaking his head. "No."

"And why not?"

"Rupert won't kiss me the way you do," he admits, making you roll your eyes. As much as you wanted to scream and fight, he was so charming and you couldn't help the smile on your face.

"If you paid him enough, I'm sure he'd probably kiss you."

Carlos took a step towards you, his hand resting on your lower back. "Still won't be as good as you."

You give him a soft shove, creating some space between the two of you. "Do you not feel guilty, Carlos?"

"Guilty?" His brows furrow, the faintest of head tilts as he looks at you. "What for?"

You scoff; you're not sure if you're more mad at yourself or at him for not knowing what you meant. "Monaco." You say quietly, eyes fixed on him.

Carlos shrugs, sitting on the little couch in his room. You turn to face the man, his eyes wandering up and down your body. "Stop that." You say, rolling your eyes yet again.

"Need I remind you that I'm not the one in a relationship?" His arms crossed as he looked at you.

"So it's all on me?"

He hums, shrugging. "Could have walked out that night, y/n. You didn't have to stay and you definitely didn't have to do that thing with your-"

"Stop." You cut him off, pointing a finger at him. Carlos smirks, pursing his lips as he clears his throat.

"You texted me, you kissed me, Carlos."

"You didn't have to come, y/n. You didn't have to kiss me back, I wasn't holding you hostage."

"Might as well have been."

"Oh please, you loved it." He smiles, raising his eyebrows. You scoff, unable to believe the nonsense you were hearing from the man. "Fuck you, Carlos."

He leans back, his arms behind his head. "You sure did, y/n."

You groan, unsure if you wanted to punch him, strangle him or suffocate him with his stupid Spain throw pillow but instead, chose to walk out of his room; just as you did, you bump into one person that shouldn't have seen you up there.

"You okay, babe?" Charles's hands rest on your arms, steadying you after you bump into him. You smile, nodding. "I was just coming to look for you."

He notices Carlos's door open, the Spanish driver watching the two of you. "What were you looking for me for?" Charles asks, his arm over your shoulder as his glance moves from his teammate back to you.

"My sunglasses are in your room." You smiled, leaning into your boyfriend.

"Were you just with Carlos?" Charles asks, curiosity getting the best of him. You nod, "I just walked up with him, I was waiting for you to come up so we were just chatting."

"Yeah," Carlos pipes up from his room, smiling at the couple; y/n's a quick thinker, he thinks to himself - that'll come in handy.

You look at Carlos, the man locking eyes with you and you look away but his eyes stay fixed on you. Something about the way he looked at you rubbed Charles the wrong way and being the good boyfriend he was, notices the uncomfortableness of the situation.

"Did you get your sunglasses, love?" He asks, walking you towards his driver's room. "No, the door was locked." You tell him, "Andrea must have locked it."

Charles nods, towards his door before unlocking it for you. "Go on," he lets you walk in, shutting the door behind you two.

The two drivers' rooms shared a wall between them, everything could be heard, there was essentially no privacy when it came to them. Carlos could hear when Charles asked if you were okay. You tell him you're fine, Carlos is certain you've got your signature reassuring smile on your face as you tell him you're okay.

He hears the door open and shut again, the footsteps approaching his driver's room. It's Charles, "meeting starts in 15 in the garage," his teammate tells him, leaning on the doorframe.

Carlos nods, glancing at the woman behind him. "I'll be there."

The Monegasque driver nods, reaching for his girlfriend's hand, the two of you interlocking fingers as you make your way to the stairs. Carlos gets up, walking over to the doorway and leaning on the doorframe as he watches you make your way down; red skirt bouncing with each step, your sunglasses pushed into your hair - no one would ever think that you were anything other than Charles' loving girlfriend.

Carlos knew you were so much more than that.

---

No matter how much you tried, how you tossed and turned, sleep would not come. Charles was already in dreamland, his arm over your waist as he snored quietly.

Usually, it'd put you to sleep - even if you did find it annoying at first but now, it's a reminder of your constant guilt.

Unable to sleep, you find yourself getting out of bed. The stirring wakes Charles and the man sitting up as you put your slippers on.

"Where are you going?" He asks, rubbing his eyes.

"For a walk. I have a headache so I just want some fresh air." You turn to face him and he nods. "Do you want some company?"

You smile but shake your head, "it's okay, babe. Stay and sleep, I'll be back in 20 minutes."

Charles smiles, laying back down. "Be safe," he mumbles, eyes already closed. His hand reached out for you, something he did when you left before he did - the different time zones he travelled through often left him in bed for longer than you.

You hold it, walking around the bed to his side and leaning down. Charles opens his eyes for a moment, his free hand cupping your jaw as he smiles sleepily at you.

"You're sure you'll be okay?"

You nod, "I'll be back before you know it." The man smiles, pulling you down slightly to give you a kiss. As horrible as it was, the thought crossed your mind; it didn't feel the same as Carlos. The passion wasn't there.

You pick up your room key, stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind you quietly. You took the stairs, making your way outside through a back door.

You end up by the pool and you're certain no one was going to be out there, it's nearly 2am.

Much to your surprise, there was someone there.

You can't see the person just yet but you can see the figure in the pool, the outline of their body. As you walk closer to the edge, the person comes up to the surface, causing you to freeze in your tracks.

Carlos.

"Seems you keep finding me," he says, floating around.

You shrug, "just needed some fresh air, what are you doing up? Should you be getting your beauty sleep for the race tomorrow ?"

"Swimming helps me relax; Rupert is sleeping and the gym is closed so here I am." Carlos tells you, watching as you left your slippers by the table, walking over barefoot and sitting at the edge of the pool. Your legs hung down into the cold water, your face twisting in momentary displeasure before you relaxed slightly.

You always seem to be on edge these days.

He swims up to the edge, leaning on it. His tanned arms rest over the edge, water dripping off his muscles as he looks over at you. "I don't feel guilty." He says.

"I do."

"You shouldn't." He whispers and your brows furrow. "Charles isn't that great of a boyfriend."

You scoff, unable to believe his audacity. "How could you even say that?"

"If he was such a great boyfriend, if he really knew you; he'd realize something was off by now and considering that you two are still happily in love, he hadn't put two and two together."

It takes you a minute to gather your thoughts; unsure if you should drown him or cuss him out but you bite your tongue and hold back the urge to drown him.

You get up, pulling yourself up from the pool. "I think I'll be going back to bed."

Carlos nods, getting out of the pool himself. You had brushed the water from your legs, putting your slippers back on.

Just as you go to walk away, Carlos grabs your hand. "You shouldn't feel guilty about something that feels right."

Again, you don't answer the man but pull your hand away instead.

"You know exactly what I mean, y/n." He calls out to you as you walk away, you stop to look back at him before you walk into the hotel, half minded to turn the lock on the door and leave him outside.

Once again, you find yourself on the stairs, walking up to the 15th floor. You stop by your room door, feeling your pockets for the key as you catch your breath.

The lock clicks when you slide the key into the slot.

Charles had his back to the door, you set your key down and took your slippers off as you made your way to bed. He feels the mattress dip as you get into bed, his arms wrapping around you before pulling you into him.

You settle into his chest, the tip of his nose brushes against your ear. His brows furrow, the man half asleep when he asks, "why do you smell like that?"

"What?" You look at him, "smell like what? I showered, you know."

He chuckles, "no, like.. the pool, chlorine."

"Oh," the image of Carlos shirtless and wet crosses your mind and you push the thought away. "Ended up by the pool when I went for my walk. There were some teenagers splashing around."

"So late?"

"Yeah," you shrugged, "I can change if you want-" "Just stay," he whispers, arms tightening around you.

The room falls quiet, Charles is snoring again and you pray that sleep comes as you close your eyes for the second time that night.

---

taglist: @lieswithoutfairytales @topguncultleader @darleneslane @barnestatic @elisaa-shelby @piggyinthesea @cmleitora @kmc1989 @madds-2298 @luanemone @omgsuperstarg @gaypoetsblog @jaehyunluvcult @racingheartsworld @therealcap @charlaos @raevyng @buckybarnessweetheart @blupblupfish @belennasif @jenniferrvsesi @cutelittlefakejourneys @roseseraj @chrlsleclerc @mangodreamsicle @ru-kru @trifoliumviridi @babybella337 @lovingonshawn @madeon-the-night @hobiismyhopeu @alisporchee

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[boydepartment]

i have something to say and idk if it’s controversial or not. noncon/dubcon mentioned

i’ve had to block a few ppl in the enhypen tag like just #enhypen or #riki or #riki x reader . because of how much

noncon/dubcon riki stuff is in the predominately sfw tags.

i do not personally agree with that little community who writes sm-t for him bc all of them have this ego complex of “i’m just better bc i don’t care >:(“ no, you have a really irresponsible and immature mindset when it comes to conflict. just because you “don’t care” doesn’t make you a good person or better than people who tell you to c-t yourself or d-e. it’s even worse if you’re like “i know i’m not a good person >:)” like okaaaay joker go rob a bank or something then.

back to the point- it’s to the grey area of time now where you can’t really stop them now anyways because it’s down to personal preference and their comfort of writing for him that way whether it’s “morally correct” to me or anyone reading this or not.

the one hill i will die on though, is i do not fw dubcon or noncon. even if its written as a trauma response sharing it and pushing your idols or celebrities(riki or other idols) into that is extremely horrible. if you write it because of trauma- keep it to yourself, and that’s none of my business. people cope in different ways whether i agree with it or not. writing your favorite idols as r-pists or manipulators to get what they want s-ually is extremely messed up especially when posted onto a public platform in regular #(insert idol group) and predominantly not nsfw tags. it’s irresponsible and subjects a younger audience(especially on tumblr. ao3 is another mess but at least ao3 is primarily used by an older crowd) to being exposed to thinking intimate acts like that is normal, when its absolutely not. and you might think “who would think that? it’s writing!” the amount of times people have openly stated in the fanfiction community admitting that they have never had s-x but will just write what they’ve picked up on is insane. same argument that p—n ruins mental health and mental image of healthy relationships if exposed to watching and consuming that content for too long.

this is coming from someone who was r—ed. i think it’s extremely insensitive to push idols onto that whether it’s written as a trauma response to the action or not. you’re putting innocent people and writing them as r-pists. fiction or not that’s weird.

and if it’s not written as a trauma response, i don’t understand the smut dubcon/noncon community’s fascination of getting r-ped. it’s a terrible thing to happen and i don’t wish it on anyone. the ptsd from it and how unclean you feel is so gut wrenching and there’s nothing you can do about it. part of your life gets taken from you and you can never get it back. there is lifelong trauma after that. almost everyday i wish after it happened to me he just killed me so i wouldn’t have to live with it. i still get nightmares and it’s led to sh and other mental issues that i just have to deal with now. why is that a fantasy to people?

back to the topic of people writing noncon/dubcon for riki (or any other idol but i’ve been seeing WAY too much for riki)

i might get comments saying “it’s not that serious it’s fanfiction it’s not real”

you’re writing about an 18 year old boy r-ping someone (the READER)

it’s the same argument of nsfw drawings of characters who are children. just bc it’s not real doesn’t mean it’s not fucked up and weird.

it is that serious and it’s weird and gross and mentally deranged. i will die on that hill.

i wont attack these people or start fights like i used to, i have a life outside of tumblr. but on my downtime i do check the #enhypen tag. and to see this shit sometimes floating around or even on the #riki tag. is just fucked.

idk it just upsets me, i obviously block these people and move on from my life bc i have goldfish memory but there’s like five accounts that just kept popping up in the past week that i’ve had to block. i know some people might be like “oh you really showed them!!1!!1!” in an annoying way, but either way i stand by my point that it’s fucked up and i’m human so i’m allowed to get upset by it.

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Try Me Part 3/6

Summary - A six part series where reader is a very passionate football player and Ruben is her new and equally passionate football coach. However, the two of them can't seem to get along.

Enjoy!

Ruben led the team out of the summer cup group stage on top, with zero losses, collecting every single point avaliable. Entering the knock off stages he trained the team accordingly, making you work as if victory was inevitably yours. He kept his promise too. You were never benched for something irrational again, like your bad attitude towards him. Maybe because your attitude towards Ruben changed completely during the course of the summer. In fact, you found it hard to even look him in the eyes these days. At least without getting caught slipping. Your gaze usually faltered to the center of his tracksuit, imagining what lay beneath. A dinosaur, a dragon, a beast?

Whatever he called it, it had you biting the corner of your lip and holding your stomach to mend the gut wrenching feeling that followed your sinful thoughts.

"Y/N?"

Sarah, your teammate, had you snap out of your locker room fantasies.

"Huh?"

"Ruben wants you."

You had been avoiding one on one's with him for this exact reason, for the discomfort in your gut whenever he met your eye. What if he caught you staring? Staring at his...his...giant dinosaur."

"My what?"

Ruben stood waiting for you on the field, a fooball tucked underneath his arm.

"Huh?"

You hadn't noticed your feet carrying you out of the locker room and onto the pitch. One second you were there, the next you were standing before Ruben, who looked down on you with a crooked smile on his lips.

"You said something about my giant dinosaur?"

"No, I didn't." Instat heat warmed your cheeks.

"I know what I heard." He chuckled.

"Yes well..." You cleard your throat. "You did hear me say giant dinosaur, yes. But I wasn't talking about you."

"No?"

"Of course not. What I said was that giant dinosaurs are my favorite animals."

"Okay..." He frowned. "Good to know."

You rolled your eyes. "Sarah said you wanted me?"

"Yes, I did." He dropped the ball to the ground near his feet. "I thought we could practice some drills. I've told all the girls I have time for one on one's after every practice session and so far everyone has come to me for some kind of advice, everyone accept you."

"Oh."

Ruben eyes searched your face. The lump in your stomach returned.

"I thought I made it clear that you can come to me for anything. Our early clash this summer is past us, no?"

"Yes, absolutely. " You were quick to nod, a bit guilty that Ruben thought that you still held a grudge against him. " I just thought that...that maybe i didn't need it." You lied.

He frowned. "Well that's stupid."

"What did you call me?"

"I said it's stupid of you to think that you're beyond needing help. Everyone needs a little extra help sometimes."

"Well I don't." You hissed.

"Well I'm telling you that you do."

You were brought back by his resilience, your chest heaving up and down with the sudden fright it had given you.

"I'm sorry."  He ran a quick hand through his hair, collecting himself.  "I just think that you'd be better off with a few tips, that's all."

You nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?"

You let him lead you onto the pitch, stopping before the small goals that the team only used for training. Ruben separated you from one of them by position himself between it.

"Now, try and get past me." He passed you the ball.

"Easy." You chuckled.

Although you were quicker, Ruben's frame was  bigger, tremendously bigger.

"Fuck Ruben." His shoulder knocked against yours, tripping you to the ground. "What you do that for?"

He stretched out a hand, helping you back up.

"Because..." He said, dusting off your back. "I'm going to teach you how to properly get through a defender.

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Now come at me again. This time try and avoid coming too close."

"Fine."

You had another go, however the same thing happened, Ruben, tripping you to the ground, this time with a swipe of his feet.

"For fucksakes!"

You slapped away his helping hand, getting up from the ground yourself.

"Quit looking at your feet." He directed. "Your eyes are giving away where you're going to go. Look your opponent dead in the eye. That will throw them off."

"Okay, just give me a sec." You needed to catch a breath. "You know I'm a girl right? Not one of your mates frim the pub."

He chuckled. "I don't go to the pub. Now try again. "

You did what you were told, but this time it was personal. You dribbled the ball past his feet, all whilst keeping your distance. Just as Ruben was about to have a go at your legs you lifted your gaze, looking him dead in the eye. He smirked, you smirked and without his predicton you sent the ball between his feet and into the corner of the small goal.

"Yes!" You said, celebrating the goal with a set of cartwheels.

"You're a fast learner." Ruben stood with the ball tucked underneath his arm again, waiting for you to finish your celebrations.

"Thanks, I know."

He shook his head, hiding his satisfied smile.

"Shall we go again?"

"Nah, I think we're done for the day."

"Ahhh, what happened Ruben?" You teased. "Did my nutmeg twist your legs?"

"Actually, yes."

You frowned as Ruben looked to be limping, eventually setting himself down on the grass.

"Oh my god, Ruben!"

Quickly, you were by his side, checking on the leg he held pressed to the ground.

"It's my knee." He said,  through clenched teeth.

"Your knee injury, it's still bothering you?"

"Yeah." He groaned. "I guess I overestimated my abilities."

"Let me see."

He was brought back to rest on his elbows, allowing you to inspect his knee. It didn't look swollen or anything, but wrapping it up in a bandage would be the best thing to do. "We have some leg wraps in the locker room." You stood, offering Ruben your hand. He declined.

"I'm good here for now. Just got to catch my breath a little."

"It hurts that much?" You knelt down again, watching his eyes squint in pain.

"It will blow over." He grunted.

"Ruben, I'm so sorr..."

"It's not your fault." He waved. "I should have known that you wouldn't go easy on me."

Your smile was weak, a wave of guilt washing over you.

"Hey?" Ruben noticed this and went to pinch your cheek.

His sudden action made you flinch, but then you relaxed seeing him smiling up at you, a warm and handsome smile.

"Dinosaurs are reptiles you know?"

"Huh?"

You were so mesmerized by the color of his eyes, deep brown, that his question almost blew past you.

"Dinosaurs? Your favorite animals?" He said.

"Oh, right."

"Yeah, their actually reptiles." He said, perhaps to distract you from how guilty you felt about his leg. Either way it worked.

"Reptiles are animals, no?"

"No, reptiles are reptiles."

You shook your head. He was as stubborn as you, perhaps even more so.

"My favorite animals are dogs." He said. You like that he continued distracting you, even though you didn't ask him to. It was hard for you seeing him like this, seeing him hurt.

"Do you have any?" You moved your hand to rest on his thigh. It was warm underneath the palm of your hand.

"Two actually." His body shifted a little, but you never thought that it was because the position of your hand made him feel uncomfortable.

"They're in Portugal though, with my parents."

"Why did you leave?"

"My dogs?"

"No, Portugal."

"I told you. To keep my uncle company after the death of my aunt."

Somthing in the way he said it made you believe that this wasn't all there was to it, however, if he wanted to tell you he would have.

"You know you're very talented, Y/N."

"Thanks." You muttered, heart pounding in your chest.

"Any club in the country would be glad to have you."

"You think so?"

"My uncles says your situation at home is limiting you though. He says you wouldn't leave your little sister behind."

"Not when she still needs me, no." You drew a quick breath to mend the sudden irritation of your eyes.

Ruben held your gaze, unsure of who he had sitting before him. "Your sister..." He said, drawing out the sentance with a quick wipe of his mouth. "She'll always need you, you know?"

You felt it, how his thumb stroked the top of your hand. It had gone unnoticed, how his hand had krept closer to yours that still rested on his thigh. Now however, you felt it, his touch.

"Your football career on the other had, won't be up for grabs forever. "

"What are you saying, that I should bale on my sister, move to London and play for a team like Chelsea?"

He shrugged.

You frowned. "Then you don't know the first thing about me."

You stood, pulling your hand away from his thigh. Ruben still watched you from where he lay on the ground. You sighed, stretching out a hand to help him to his feet. He leaned on you for support, his arm wrapping around your shoulder. The smell of him invaded your nostrils. He smelled of grass and aftershave. A warm smell, a homily smell.

You walked across the pitch together, his hip attached to your hip. And for the first time in his presences, since receiving the explicit picture of his dinasaur, you didn’t think about the size of it, or how the thought of it made you feel. Instead you thought about the man attached to it and how he made you feel. Ruben made you feel good. Ruben made you feel safe.

Tagslist:

@kathb59

@alexisquinnlee-bc

@husherstan

[hongtiddiez]

top 5 most unhinged scenes!!

ask me my top 5 bl anything 🌸

this is gonna require some serious thought hmmm

i mean this is the gold star right now, right? there's a reason yai is my pfp these days and it's because that was my exact facial expression throughout this whole scene. gobsmacked, elated, excited -- i really ran a whole gambit of emotions (i still am tbh)

i saw this moment out of context as the show was airing and i was like oh hell yeah a feisty lil guy - and then i got to the scene and i was like oh yeah no that's actually completely fair, he deserves a chomp. i would be so pissed if i was ai di and probably would have done the same. (and i enjoy you can see him think about going back in for another kiss tho)

sorry for the blood but like. this scene. this fucking scene. i can't remember ever crying so hard at anything. an open heart massage or resuscitative thoracotomy is a very real thing and is only performed in extreme emergencies when sign of life is still present. i don't think it would have done anything to help tin given the circumstances but the absolute desperation from sing to do anything to save his best friend was gut wrenching. and then to move from this into tol's grief and denial? this episode fucked me up so badly i had to take a lap around my house and do some breathing exercises.

i wasn't going to include kiseki: dear to me again but truly, what in the strawberry huckleberry fuck was chen dong yang thinking here? you're going to teach ai di about loss? ai di??? the orphan who lost his mom to a drug addiction??? who has only ever tried to protect chen yi? yeah, no, i think he knows a thing or two about loss, i don't think this "lesson" was necessary. i'm so fucking glad i wasn't watching this as it came out, i remember the screaming on my dash and i was FILLED with fear.

i did really enjoy we could see how aware of his surroundings ai di is at all times, though. his eyes scanned the area for just a moment and he was locked ON to that gun. baby boy might be a feral menace but he's good at what he does.

i am still reeling from this. you wanna run that by me again chief?

i'm going to be honest with you guys, i've been in this situation. i was dating this guy for maybe two weeks. he was going to get signed to a major league baseball team relatively soon (i've dated a whole cast of characters,) really nice guy, would come see me at work just because he missed me, almost everything was a big green flag. UNTIL. out of nowhere he says "hey do you want to have kids?" and i was like yeah idk maybe eventually and he replied "no i mean like now"

what the fuck do you mean??? hello???

needless to say uhh i found a tactful way to break up with him after that because what the fuck.

bls sure are a fucking RIDE and i am grateful for my new companion yai to really sum up my feelings about each and every one of these scenes (and all the ones to come)

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

Track Marks And Dial Tones I

Summary: A late night call from your informant sets off an unexpected avalanche of gut-wrenching events…

Pairing: Clay Roach x fem!cop!Reader

Word Content: ~ 2.5k

Content Warnings: Dead Dove Do Not Eat!, 18+!, Lots Of Hurt And Hardly Any Comfort, Slow Burn, Addiction (Duh), Substance Abuse (Obviously), Used Needles, A Belt Used As Tourniquet, Clay's Disgusting Living Situation, Clay Being Absolutely Fucking Miserable, Crying…So Much Crying, Talk About A Wilfully Induced OD, ANGSTY AF

A/N: The dove isn't just dead anymore, it actually started decomposing a while ago…

I'll add the appropriate content warnings with the progress of this story!

For anybody interested: I've made a Spotify playlist to go along with the fic!

Find Part II here!

Tagging the horde:

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @cc-luvr @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @blueberrypancakesworld @rocketqueen-world @r0ttenmess @doddernix @svgarcaine

Somewhere darker, talkin' the same shite

I need a partner, well, are you out tonight?

It's harder and harder to get you to listen

More I get through the gears

Incapable of makin' alright decisions, and havin' bad ideas

- Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? By Arctic Monkeys

"Shitbum." Pale, white letters on the screen of your vibrating phone proclaimed for the 3rd time tonight.

With each new buzz of vibrations passing by, your eyes narrowed down on the display. There wouldn't be anything good in store for you if you picked up, that much you knew for sure, but him calling three times in the span of an hour and not in one manic rush of back to back calls that ended in nothing but halfway nodded out gibberish on your voicemail was something new. Not one singular voicemail had been left so far and after your mobile phone fell back into motionless silence you waited for a notification to pop up, for the screen to inform you that "You have one unattended voicemail by Caller ID: Shitbum." But nothing like that happened. Just another unanswered call in the purgatory of your push-up notifications.

With curiously arched brows, you forced yourself to take your gaze from the phone and redirect it to your bedtime read. It wasn’t an entirely fruitless attempt, you even managed to read half a page before the screen of your phone flickered up again. You saw the display glowing in the corner of your eye and all of your attention shot right back to the device.

"Jesus, fuck…" You muttered under your breath as you rolled your tired eyes at yourself while practically snatching the phone from the nightstand.

"I need you, please." The message read as soon as you unlocked the display.

For a moment you just stared at the words, frowning and your lips subconscious pursing slightly.

"Help." The cold casing vibrated again in your touch and you felt your stomach dropping.

Clay had never asked for help before, never, not once. He might have been a dope-sick informant but he always carried his head high in his very own way of snarky arrogance and stubbornness.

"Shit, Clay. What did you do?" It shot right out of your mouth as you slid out from underneath your warm duvet and reached for your thick police jacket.

Right now you couldn't be bothered to change out of your checkered PJs, everything happened automatically; your phone got shoved into the jacket while your other hand searched through a drawer as your feet pushed themselves into a pair of sturdy winter boots.

Your fingers held onto as many clean rigs as they could while your pockets got stuffed with FTS kits, the usual you brought with you when you stopped by to check in on Clay. It happened maybe once or twice a month and absolutely nobody at the Boston PD would be pleased with knowing about it but you didn't really care. You saw something in him, something more than just a fucked up addict.

The pockets of your jacked nearly teared open with how full you had stuffed them as you leaned down to tie your shoes before rushing downstairs to grab the keys to your car from the kitchen table. Your mind was almost blank, no thoughts just operating as you threw the door behind you shut and nearly ran towards your car.

At this time of night the streets were practically empty and you very clearly speeded down the set of blocks separating you from Clay's flat...if you could even call it that. His housing situation was that of a stuffy, damp bunker that's been trashed and vandalized for god knows how long. Clean or organized were attributes that didn't exist in his realm of clutter, debris and moldy dishes.

Cold wind hit you right in the face as you left the comforting warmth of your car and hastily stepped down a flight of stairs to the subterranean flat.

"Clay? It's me. Can I come in?" You spoke through the old, creaky door and knocked loudly to make your presence known.

No response. You knocked again.

"Clay?" You heard the tremble in your own voice and you were met with nothing but silence again.

"Fuck that shit." You huffed, took a step back and kicked your heavy boot against the door with such vigor that it easily cracked out of its lock.

The fact that your intrusion wasn't accompanied by just any reaction whatsoever had your stomach dropping and twitching in every possible direction. Jumping right into that nervous cramping right beneath your lungs, a pungent yet sweet stench of decay swept out of the open door right into your nostrils.

"Oh god..", You gagged and dry heaved, stumbling back and coughing a lump of saliva onto the wet pavement, "Oh fuck…ew."

You tried to cover your mouth and nose with the sleeve of your jacket but it was little to no avail, the foul odor nearly burned in your nose as you took careful steps through the trash filled hallway.

"Clay?" You called out again, receiving no answer once more.

As soon as you turned a corner into the hellhole that could be described as his "living room", you learned why.

"Oh no! You better fucking not you fucking idiot!" It rambled out of your trembling lips as you saw his statue propped against the wall, head dangling to the side, unresponsive.

With your heart hammering against your ribcage, you practically jumped over all the rubbish piles and crouched down in front of him.

"Clay! Hey!" Your hand touched his sweaty, cold to the touch cheek before all your self-control left you and you smacked him right in the face. No reaction.

"You better fucking talk to me, Clay!" Your fingers searched for his pulse point under strands of knotted, unkempt hair as your professionalism crumbled into nothingness and a flash of tears dreaded to erupt from your lower lash line. You forced them back with every ounce of countenance you could gather whilst a sharp breath escaped your mouth as you felt his pulse. Low and slow, but still very much there.

"The fuck you think nodding out on me like that, shitbum?" You scoffed, plopping down on your ass with a heavy sigh, a bunch of music and TV magazines crumpling under you.

"Let's get this mess here sorted out.." With a wrinkled nose and furrowed brows, your gaze wandered to his left arm, the sleeve being rolled up until above the crook of his elbow.

"Okay, here we go…" You murmured, hoping, imagining that he could hear you as you raised your fingers to slowly loosen up and carefully pull the black leather belt, he had used as a tourniquet, off his arm.

"Almost done…" You placed the belt next to you before you turned back to him and drew the plastic body of an empty syringe out of his arm.

For a brief moment you just looked at it, in anger and in fear to equal parts, fighting the inner urge to just smash the needle into the ground until it would break. Instead, you placed it with the belt and sat back down, taking a look around. The flat was…bad, even for Clay's standards downright messy. It gave the heavy impression that he'd lost the plot since the last time you had seen him about 2 weeks ago. Your mind hardly knew how to respond to your eyes recognising his floor being littered with used fentanyl test strips but it brought an awkwardly lopsided, faint smile to your lips. At least something. He was using them for a minimum of harm reduction.

As you let your eyes roam through the room, you eventually discovered the source of the deathlike stench filling the flat. Even from afar you saw a thick layer of not only green but black mold practically growing out and eating through the thick paper package of some Chinese takeaway you'd brought him 2 weeks ago.

"I paid for those noodles, asshole." You huffed under your breath, a desperate attempt to ease yourself from some of the relentless anxiety raging in your chest.

The box of rotten noodles wasn't the only thing that doused this room in its odor. Countless small cardboard boxes of strawberry milk with their counterpart straws were piled up high in a corner close to the open arch leading into the dirty misery that had been something resembling a kitchen once.

From early on, you had learned that cheap stir-fried noodles and strawberry milk of all things acted as the two main pillars of Clay's cranky diet and you never really tried to change anything about it. Who were you to tell him what to do only because he worked as your informant? Overall, you just felt content knowing that his still severely malnourished body got any sort of culinary input at all.

"What am I gonna do with you now, huh? Jesus, Clay. Freaked the shit out of me." You turned your body back towards his statue, your fingers carefully rolling his sweater back down to his wrist, your fingertips lingering on his sweaty hand for a moment before pulling back.

For a good few minutes, you just looked at him and pondered over what to do now. He'd freak the hell out if you'd drive him to the ER and the ER would most likely just not give much of a fuck since he wasn't straight up ODing. You also didn’t want to leave him here like that. There must’ve been a reason for him to call and text you the way he had and you'd do jackshit before you knew what all this was about.

"Mhmmm…." Your ears perked up the very second you heard the dragged out, low groan trickling out of Clay's mouth.

"Hey there…" You practically whispered to him, careful not to spook him.

"The fuck…are you doing here?" His speech was a little slurred but he seemed to come back slowly.

"You called and texted me, Clay." You answered to him calmly whilst pulling your phone from your pocket.

Before you turned the unlocked display towards his face, you tuned down the brightness.

"Remember?" He swiped his hair out of his face and squinted at the screen, pupils blown out wide.

Clay didn't answer right away, his fogged up mind trying to piece together what had happened during the last 2 hours. The expression on his face told you that he clearly didn't like what his jumbled thoughts came up with.

"Oh….oh, no…." He stammered, sluggishly trying to sit himself up straight again, the features of his face contorting into a pained frown.

While still holding up your phone, you looked at him attentively, following how he clenched his jaws as his eyes got covered by a watery sheene, indicating the growing distress he found himself in.

"It's okay, I promise. I'm here now and I'll help you." You sought to calm him down as you put the phone back into your jacket and tried to smile at him.

It wasn’t a happy smile by far but one of affirmation and understanding.

"No…no, no…" Clay suddenly started to scurry away from you, unaware that his back was already pressed against the lifeless concrete wall.

"No, what? Please talk to me." You felt your brows arching up in worry.

"This is pathetic.", It ruptured out of his mouth in a choked back sob, "You shouldn't…I wasn't…fuck."

"Hey, now.", You carefully scooted a little closer to the dirty mess of a mattress he was sitting on, "Clay, take a breath and please talk to me about what's going on."

"Fuck off!" He spat back, turning his head away from you but you still could see a few vagrant tears running down his cheeks.

"No." You stated bluntly, stopping in your movements to give him room.

"I-...I can't do this shit anymore..", Clay's voice rendered sore and out of breath with every word, "Fuck…I-...I wasn't supposed to wake up."

At his sudden confession all the pieces in your mind fell into place and you were painfully sure to feel something breaking inside of you. A jolt of emotional hurt and plain dread ruptured through your chest, threatening to knock the air out of your lungs as the man in front of you lost his posture entirely and slumped into you, wailing and crying violently.

You caught him in a loose embrace, you recognised your body doing it but your mind could hardly catch up with what was happening.

"Oh God…I should've texted you back. Should've picked up the damn phone. Fucking hell, shit, Clay, I'm so sorry." Your own voice started cracking and flailing dangerously as the weight of what had presumably happened doubled down on you.

"No…no. I'm not your…not your problem." He sniffled into your shoulder, his weak body shaking with every heavy sob erupting from the depths of his lungs.

His croaked out words served yet another fatal hit against your already rapidly crumbling composure. You felt like simply breaking down right here, too, the need for crying and screaming all the pain and guilt out of you growing stronger with every desperate whimper of his that cut right to your bones. However, you forced yourself to keep your shit together, simply had to for Clay right now.

"Issok…", You hummed into the crown of his head, carefully tightening your embrace around his slender shoulders, "You're not a problem or a burden to me. Don't you ever think that, Clay."

Your tender words were only met by a new, reckless wave of breathless cries.

"Help me, please, help me." He whined out, the realization about the reality of his own situation heavy in his voice.

"I will, I promise. You heard that?! I promise!"

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Chansaw.

So am I the only one who finds Chansaw kinda... boring? Not to say its a bad ship or its unhealthy or that there's a fundamental issue with the paring, I just feel like out of all the Heather x Veronica or Heather x Heather ships Chansaw is the least interesting.

Like for example;

(Also I will be talking only about canon, bc fanon opens up a whole new can of worms, plus fanon is based off the characters and their interactions from canon)

Chandlamara - My personal favorite, there's so little between them in the show, but what we do have lays foundations for so much. We know that Mac considered Chandler to be her best friend, she took her to school more often then not, and that her death threw a wrench into Mac's mental stability. And from what we can tell from their interactions, Mac was the only person Chandler didn't treat like shit, never telling her to shut up or demeaning her. There's so much that can be done with the how and why between them, like why does Chandler seem to respect Mac? Why does Mac consider her to be her best friend? With them, sometimes less is more.

McDuke - With McDuke, Duke hurt Mac badly over the course of the show, and for a relationship to EVER exist between them, Duke would have to undergo significant changes as a person, forcing her to confront her shitty actions. The struggle for her to change mixed together with the desire to change for Mac is the meat and potatoes of this ship. There's a lot for Mac too, because in all honesty she is under no obligation to forgive Duke, what she did was awful, but at the same time she sees the effort Duke puts in and the sincerity in her apologies and maybe, just maybe, she slowly starts to forgive her.

McNamayer - Veronica is Mac's Knight in Shining Armor during the show, rescuing her when she was at her lowest, so naturally Mac would start to develop admiration and a genuine friendship with her. And for Veronica, after the craziness with JD, Mac is a normal person for her to turn to, and proof that some people can change, which is Veronica's whole thing. They're the closest thing to healthy in Heathers, because they can both rely on each other to help during the darkest times.

Chanduke - Going from the most healthy to the least, Chanduke would be an absolute nightmare if it was canon. Chandler and Duke are horrible to each other, there's no doubt about it. That's part of the intrigue with them. How can two people who hate each other's guts also love each other? What keeps them together when they clearly can't stand the other? The other part is how they would make it work. Just like McDuke, they would both have to change drastically, and part of that would be confronting the other about how they've been treated and having to move past it. It would be a rocky road, but that's the fun in it.

Dukesaw - Duke and Veronica have a lot more common than they would like to admit. They're both rather intelligent, bookish people who have nasty tempers and tend to gravitate towards toxic people (Chandler and JD). Obviously they would have some chemistry, and it would be interesting to see them recognizing bad influence's in the other's life, but fail to see the exact same thing in their own. Like Duke calls out Veronica for hanging out with JD bc he's insane and brought a gun to school, while Veronica calls her out saying that she's one to talk, she is friends with Heather fucking Chandler, people call her the Demon Queen for a reason, only for them to both slowly realize that they are hypocrites.

Now to give Chansaw some credit, I can see the appeal. Enemies to lovers is very popular for a reason, hell I even mentioned it as why Chanduke is so intriguing to me. Plus, the aspect of taking someone under your wing is a good setup for a relationship story, but at least to me it's just so overdone, like there's only so much you can do between them before you get bored with it. Not to say all Chansaw fics and art are bad or boring, just that I myself am bored with how same-y it all feels.

Aaaand thats why I like PolyHeathers+Veronica so much, because who cares about which dynamic is better when you can just have all of them at the same time /j

[mayasdeluca]

Legitimately in tears right now thinking about what this means and how we are so close to the end and losing yet another wlw couple on television. Except Maya and Carina weren't just any couple. The portrayal from Danielle and Stefania is simply magic and to suddenly have that taken away is so gut wrenching. This couple has meant so much to so many including myself, we all have our personal reasons for attaching to Maya and Carina both as individuals and the relationship and now knowing that they are going to be taken from us after 10 episodes just absolutely sucks.

10 episodes isn't nearly enough to wrap up their storylines in a satisfying way, we probably aren't going to get to see Maya and Carina as moms and if we do, it's probably the quick route aka adoption so we won't get pregnant Carina and everything is just going to be tainted. To now try and enjoy the last bit of Marina we have is going to be so difficult just knowing that it's the last of them forever.

I didn't want to believe the 10 pm time slot or 911 moving to ABC were signs that this was happening but I guess it was too good to be true. The fact that ABC is choosing to do this while still keeping Grey's on the air which hasn't been doing well in the ratings for years now and is on its 20th season is insanity. The fact that they're putting all their eggs in a fire show that they just decided to pick up out of nowhere that has twice the budget at least than Station 19 while Station 19 has been on their network giving them engagement and decent ratings for years is fucked. I know this stuff happens in this business and I'm sure it won't be the last time but when it comes to wlw stories and queer representation and the fact that it just always ends up being our stories first, it's so so frustrating and exhausting.

This fandom has its flaws obviously but the idea of all the fan art, fanfic, live tweets, creations, etc. coming to an end saddens me so much knowing how many incredibly talented people there are in this fandom. I have read and seen some of the best content I've ever come across in the Marina fandom and just knowing it's probably going to lessen and lessen as the show ends really makes me sad to think about. Knowing that our little community here probably won't be the same once the show is over too makes me sad to think about too. It's been so fun interacting and becoming friends with people in the Marina fandom and gushing over our favorite wives and I'm going to do my best to make the most out of that for these last 10 episodes but right now it just really hurts and this news is going to sting for a while.

[oflights]

top 10 books of 2023!!

thank you for tagging me, @elskanellis! i started drafting this right away, ran out of time to post it on 12/31, and am ~circling back now. i read 50 books in 2023, and these are my top 10 faves!

titles, brief #thoughts, etc. under the cut!

Himself, by Jess Kidd

this was so incredible and heart-wrenching and exciting to read. devastatingly beautiful/cheerful dirtbag lad busts into a small irish village to find out what happened to his mother, who was almost certainly murdered, and turns everything upside down. every character is so entertaining and funny and sharp, even the villains. the ending is incredible.

The Winners, by Fredrik Backman

i'd recommend this whole series, even if you don't care about hockey; it's so, so good and emotionally devastating. at its base, the series is about a hockey team in sweden, but really, this series belongs to the character of Benji Ovich, and it's a masterclass in building up a queer hero. it's unflinching in dealing with all that he goes through, and handles a lot of really difficult topics with deftness. the heart of his story, for me, is the question of what happens when you're in love with your best friend who is actually a despicable, evil person, and how can you ever forgive yourself for it?

The Iliad, translated by Emily Wilson

do i have to evangelize this one anymore? it's so fucking good. i've read it about 10 times at this point, i just couldn't bring myself to be finished with it. it's so refreshing and approachable and makes every single character leap off the page. it doesn't pull a single emotional punch (because homer doesn't! and wilson's like "don't look away!")

A Map for the Missing, by Belinda Huijuan Tang

this is one of those books that really comes together as a whole; i didn't know it was going to be a fave until i was finished with it. a chinese immigrant has to go back home to help search for his elderly father, who's gone missing. as he goes, every single thread of his past is tugged on and unravelled and the complexity and depth the narrative achieves is really astounding. the last few pages are an absolute gut-punch.

A Power Unbound, by Freya Marske

purely here for how it redeemed the entire series for me. i'm actually not a big romance person, though i did read more romance than ever this year; i just usually tend to get bored with the same sorts of romance tropes over and over (probably because that's what i read fic to get, not tradpub novels). this one doesn't do anything new or reinvent those tropes or anything, it's just really, really good and engaging and hot. the romance outshines the magic system/plot by far. i'd recommend the series overall, but this one has the best relationship in it AINEC.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries, by Heather Fawcett

why do i always like middle grade authors who pivot to adult books waaay more than YA authors who do the same? like how are they so much better? that's definitely the case here. this is really fun fairy book (i went through a fairy phase over the summer) and packed a surprising emotional punch and a really lovely romance. i think it helped that the main character have major howl and sophie vibes. i'm excited for the sequel to come out in a few weeks!

Slewfoot, by Brom

god this was absolutely horrifying and brutal and also incredible? i actually can't believe this is here because it lost me through some of the worst of the witch trial torture (it goes really hard on it, as a warning, and i almost stopped there. her poor cat :/ i can almost never handle it when a cat dies) but!! i'm glad i stuck through because of the ending, which is phenomenal and makes every other bit of it worth it. the mythology is terrific and terrifying, too.

Small Things Like These, by Claire Keegan

possibly the best novella i've ever read? it just packs an incredible punch; it doesn't waste a single word, every square inch is a devastating look at the magdalene laundries and it doesn't hold back at all. so, so good.

Half a Soul, by Olivia Atwater

i'm so glad i discovered olivia atwater this year! this was during the Fairy Phase and it was just really fun and engaging. again, big howl and sophie vibes (this is such a high compliment from me) and i really love the second book in this series, too. it's just a really fun world to get lost in, and i'm excited to read more from this author this year.

He Who Drowned the World, by Shelley Parker-Chan

i had some problems with this, and i didn't love it as much as the first book, though i actually think most of those problems could've been solved with a third book and a longer runway. really wish this was a trilogy. that being said, this was still incredible. i loved every single narrative thread, there were zero emotional punches pulled, and i still think about these characters all the time. read this series if you haven't!!

[silentsockfeet]

my favorite moments from critrole c2 up to e22

marisha’s two nat20s in a row fighting against that monk teacher chick (e004)

fjord’s first dream and then the convo after when he makes his sword appear and disappear in his hand (e005)

when laura discovered the ipads fit in the dice tray (?) and then spent the next two minutes whispering instructions to marisha on how to fold the ipad case for it to fit, with bonus funnies of travis trying to fold it and then giving up lol (e006)

matt saying “the shaft curves to the right” and travis immediately looking to laura who’s giggling to the side while sam just goes “wow.” and then travis going “it normally curves to the left” and sam replies with “not from her perspective” the dick jokes in this show are so great (e007)

laura going from a hilarious explanation of drawing a dead baby manticore to talking to the traveler saying “i know i have friends now but if you want me to be alone so that you’ll be here with me i will” in the must gut wrenching way.. and then the traveler reaching out to her and comforting her i love it laura is so good (e008)

jester bribing that uhh one guy to get fjord a letter for the academy and then getting her backstory laura is just crushing it this ep (e008)

the completely botched bandit burglary (e008)

I AM OBSESSED WITH PUMAT SOL

marisha rolling two nat 1s in a row and dropping the dice down in front of laura and saying “laura put it in jail” (e010)

travis chucking cookies across the table to laura and ashley after they were giving him puppy eyes (e010)

nott trying to steal fjord’s letter and molly catching her (e010)

the follow up where fjord sets a trap for nott to find out why she’s rifling through his stuff and we get a hint of nott’s backstory. sam’s acting during that whole sequence was killer (e011)

nott’s “he’s MY boy” speech talking about how she cares for caleb (e013)

marisha accidentally misgendering nott saying “you caught him stealing your stuff” and sam, laura, and taliesin all going “her!” at the exact same time (e013)

everyone hitting level 4 right before matt banishes them from the table for narrative reasons so they’re all scrambling to grab their gear before leaving and laura just rushes back in going “you don’t roll a d20 for hit points sam!” in the most mom voice LMAO and then matt right after being like “i told y’all not to roll hit points til you get back smh” (e013)

liam saying “here come closer” so everyone leans towards him and right at that moment travis lets out just the biggest burp (e013)

ashley’s little welcome home party at the beginning of ep014 🥺🥺

molly’s backstory just turns out to be the plot of nona the ninth?? (e014)

molly explaining his tats and then marisha pulls out a blindspot reference and says “hey patterson can’t you help with this” LOL (e014)

matt introducing a giant acidic jello cube (???) as a boss fight and then proceeding to make the most uncomfortable squelching sound effects for it (e015)

laura, pregnant: i’m not supposed to have tuna *takes another bite of her tuna mac and cheese salad casserole thing* (e017)

then later matt describing a woman who’s hair grows past “the chest area” and laura goes “hahaha the chest area” and matt’s like “i’m trying to be respectful what do you want me to say!! ‘her heaping bosom’ ??” and taliesin takes her bowl away and says “i think you’ve had enough, it’s making you weird” (e017)

travis rolling THREE nat1s in a row trying to play some fucking carnival game, culminating in yasha and jester chucking fjord across a field (e017)

caleb revealing his backstory to beau and nott and both of them comforting him. i liked that beau was still kind of abrasive with it but still empathetic and nott basically said “it’s not up to me to forgive you it’s up to yourself to do it” (e018)

beau and jester starting a fight in the gentleman’s bar for literally no reason other than because they thought a fight club was cool and then beau going absolutely ham on jester (e019)

caleb casting scorching ray on a troll and nearly killing beau in the process, then liam joking about it later saying “caleb always knows what time it is, but liam likes to burn his friends” and then sam saying “caleb burns his friends too” 💀💀 (e020)

liam’s metal die getting stuck to a magnet and then marisha discovering that her gil die is also magnetic and gets excited by it and then the pop up on the side of the screen changes to say “magnets: how do they work” LOL (e020)

I LOVE KIRI THAT IS MY CHILD

poor laura continuously rolling badly throughout a big fight and getting so upset about it that she has to leave the table yelling “i’m pregnant!” as she storms off 😭😭 bad rolls and pregnancy hormones cannot be a good mix (e022)

and then rolling bad AGAIN after the fight trying to heal everyone and she’s just like half shrieking in anger and travis yells at her THINK OF THE BABY (e022)

laura saying ashley’s little “okay okay okay” and then kiri repeating it later on and ashley watching on like 🥹🥰 (e022)

the pop up on the side of the screen that said “fun with manacles: [redacted]” LMFAOOO (e022)

[punk-scum-of-the-earth]

i am rewatching aqotwf (not the original, though i plan to.) and i really forgot so much about this film. my verdict remaims the same though: absolutely gut wrenching characters, insanely good visually, one of my favourite films in terms of sound design and all around simultaneously beatiful and horrible to watch. i dont love the bits of military high ups talking: its very interesting and i get what it's meant to represent but i think it kind of kills the pacing in parts, though i'll admit that is probably because of what disinterests me personally. apart from that the fire looked all fucked up and fake in parts but so much of this film is practical im not gonna shit on them for not doing like 6 seperate fire stunts all going at the same time. ho hum. #franzdeservedbetter