#absolutely wild that so many people are only realizing now how incredible of an actor he is

[robertdowneyjjr]

it’s the rdj renaissance and i’m so happy to be here for it

[cyndavilachase]

I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended… 

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).  

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant. 

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation. 

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers. 

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt. 

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely. 

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that. 

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

[handsomelyhiddleston]

Dark Queen, Bright King - Tom Hiddleston x Emo/Alt Reader

You and Tom were different. At your core you shared many interests and values as well as your playful natures and senses of humor, but if someone were to see you walking down the street together, they might have a few questions.

“What are you going to wear on the show?” you asked your now husband. You and Tom had been married for nearly a month after dating for about two years and he had finally convinced you to let him introduce you to the world.

“I don’t know, actually.” Tom sat down on the couch next to you and pulled you into his side. “I can’t decide between wearing the most colorfully obnoxious outfit I could get away with or pulling a Ragnarok and wearing head to toe black.”

You laughed, dragging your finger up and down Tom’s thigh. “I can’t lie, the black-on-black suit does make me feel a way…”

“Of course, you pick the black suit.” Tom teased, pulling you into a heated kiss as your fingers trailed dangerously close to his manhood.

You turned to straddle Tom’s lap, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. His hands couldn’t stay still, moving from your legs to your ass to your waist. “I didn’t pick the black suit.” You said, leaning forward to press kisses across his jaw and down his neck. “I think you should wear one of your stunning bright suits.”

“But you said…” Tom tried to reply, already having a hard time staying on topic.

“I said it makes me feel a way.” You pushed Tom’s shirt down his arms and ran your hands slowly up his torso.  “What you’re forgetting…” you pulled your shirt over your head to reveal a black lace bra, “is that you’re always making me fall further and more in love with you just by being you.”

Tom pulled you tighter to him, pressing sloppy kisses to your breasts. “God, I love you.”

The two of you could never keep your hands off of each other. This was the second time TODAY you’d made love. Slowly. Lazily. Just happy to be in each other’s embrace.

As you laid against his chest, still on the couch, and let your breathing slow back to normal you looked up at your husband. “I fell in love with you exactly as you are.” You traced invisible patterns softly into Tom’s chest with your fingertip. “I love how bold and bright and charismatic you are. I love that you like classical music and how excited you get when people ask you questions about Shakespeare and that you’re always the most polite person in the room. I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

You could feel a laugh rumble in Tom’s chest. He pulled your hand to his lips and gently kissed it. “I’m ever grateful for that.” Tom twirled a piece of your hair between his fingers as he spoke. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you, either. I can’t wait to tell the world how much I love you.”

“How are you going to break the news that the actor behind everyone’s favorite trickster has finally settled down?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.” Tom smirked.

The two of you had met on a Broadway show set. You were in charge of make-up and costume design, and you’d hit it off with Tom straight away.

At first, he found you intriguing. Your style spectrum went from absolute tomboy to fitted dresses, but the color black was the common denominator. You had various tattoos sprawled across your skin and there really was no way to know what color hair you’d show up with the following day. He loved how sure of yourself you were and how little you worried over what those around you may or may not be thinking.

Little did he know, you thought the same of him. First, he was the most attractive person in the room whether he was wearing a ten-thousand-dollar suit or a pair of black joggers and a t-shirt. He always commanded the room with his bright disposition and you’d never once seen him have a diva moment. He was intelligent…not only with information, but emotionally.

One day after a show, while you were gently removing his stage make-up, he kept smiling up at you.

“What’s got you so happy?” you asked.

“Well, we’ve got a week break. First real break we’ve had since the show started.” His answer made sense, but you noticed his cheeks were blushing.

“You get a whole week without having to deal with me smearing things all over your face” you teased, throwing the make-up remover wipes away.

Tom cleared his throat. “I was actually hoping we could make plans?” He reached out and grabbed one of your hands in both of his.

It took you a second to realize he was being serious. “Is Mr. polite and proper asking me on a date?”

Tom laughed, ducking his head. “That depends on whether or not Ms. dark and spooky is willing to give Mr. polite and proper a chance.”

The two of you ended up spending the entire week together. You talked about film scores and music. Horror movie classics and period pieces. Your favorite projects that you’ve worked on. Friends and family. Even though the two of you looked so different, you fit perfectly into each other’s lives. That brought you to this moment, with your husband about to tell the world about your existence.

The Graham Norton show is filmed on a Thursday and aired on a Friday. You were surprised that no one had leaked the news between filming and airing.

“Welcome to the show TOM HIDDLESTON!” The audience, as usual, went wild. Graham always loved teasing Tom and making him blush, so when Tom reached out to let Graham know he wanted to announce something important and that he wanted to do it on the show, Graham booked it immediately.

“Welcome back, Tom.”

“Thanks for having me” Tom answered, greeting everyone else on the couch with him including Eddie Redmayne and Kenneth Branagh.

They talked for a minute about Tom’s latest projects and such.

“So, Tom. I hear you’ve had a lot of big things happen this year?” Graham was genuinely curious what Tom was going to announce.

“That I have.” Tom replied, looking to be thinking about them. “I mean, one…I bought a house outside of London.”

“Wonderful, wonderful. What else?” Graham continued.

“Oh, I also experienced my first mosh pit” he said so casually.

“You did what, dear?” Kenneth interjected.

“Why wasn’t I invited to this?” Eddie asked, laughing at everyone’s reaction. Eddie obviously already knew what Tom was going to announce as him and Tom had been friends since they were teenagers. Eddie was at the wedding, even.

“Hold up! Hold up.” Graham said, waving his arms. “How on God’s green earth did you end up in a mosh pit?”

“Well, thankfully I didn’t end up IN it. For my first go, I just stood very very close to it.” Tom explained, making the room laugh.

Kenneth turned to Tom. “Why were you anywhere near it?”

“Well, my wife had been asking me to go to one of…” Tom started explaining.

Graham did a dramatic double take before reaching out and grabbing Tom’s arm, interrupting his story. “Did you say your wife?”

“Yes, my wife y/n. She loves this band Bring Me The Horizon, and her friend couldn’t make it to the show so she asked me if I would go with her.” Tom had the biggest smile on his face, finally being able to talk about you.

“Screw the mosh pit and the house near London, I want to hear about your wife!” Graham pushed.

“Well, I guess the biggest thing that happened this year was that I married the love of my life.” Tom blushed, looking back at the screen. He had given the production team a few photos to show.

On screen first was a photo from your wedding. You were in a beautiful, gothy, black, long-sleeve, plunge neckline, lace dress and Tom was in an amazing dark red suit with a black shirt.

“You two look incredible.” Graham complimented, watching the photo change.

“Thank you, she’s a million times cooler than I am.” Tom laughed. “But for some reason she agreed to spend the rest of her life with me.”

The second photo was a candid photo from the greenroom where you met. You were concentrating on getting Tom’s stage make-up perfect and he was just staring at you, adoration clear on his face.

“As you can see, I was smitten.” Tom pointed out.

“Is that how you met?” Graham asked. Tom told the story and explained how long the two of you had been dating, then engaged, and then married.

“I’m surprised you were able to keep it private for so long” Graham commented.

As the final photo came up, Tom started explaining. “This is a photo of Y/n at one of my family gatherings.” It was a photo of you on the living room floor with his nieces and nephews. You were laying on your stomach and painting all of the kid’s nails. “We had only been together for a little over a month I believe. We had just concluded the show where we met, and I asked her to come to London with me. She was so nervous.”

“Well, it looks like she had no reason to worry.” Graham said.

“Not at all. The kids never left her side.” Tom replied, smiling as he looked at the photo. “Everyone loved her. Everyone that meets her loves her, to be honest.”

“Well, when she’s ready you’ll have to bring her on the show.” Graham suggested.

“I think having you two in a room together would be dangerous.” Tom laughed.

“Whatever could you mean?” Graham tried to act innocent, and Tom just raised his eyebrows and gave him a *you know what you did* look. “Fine, no fanfiction involved. Honest to God.”

Everyone laughed and the show moved onto Kenneth after Tom received many congratulations.

[kageyuji]

(Here comes the biggest ship request ever, I apologize in advance.) hi!! Please and thank you for a ship for Twilight, Maze Runner, Friends, Buzzfeed Unsolved, Harry Potter, Divergent, Percy Jackson, Good Place and Pirates! (You are by all means allowed to tell me to go screw myself, and only do a select few or even none of these- I know it’s a lot!) I am a straight female, I’m 5’7, on the chubby side, I have long brown hair, brown eyes, I’m a Slytherin, I love animals but am a cat person-

I got this request really late at night and for whatever reason the “you are by all means allowed to tell me to go screw myself” sent me, so thanks for that lmao.

Also, I didn’t end up doing Unsolved or Pirates because I couldn’t decide, I hope that’s okay :)

For Twilight, I ship you with Embry!

Even if you like cats especially, you love animals and...well...

Embry has a weird respect for the arts. A lot of the Quileute tribe elders are really artistic, so they do a lot of drawings and occasionally paintings. So, he has learned to love art. Yours is no different.

Plus, he really likes stories, he could sit and listen to the campfire stories until dawn if he was allowed.

So he’d like to read your writing, he’d be hanging on to every word.

I can’t explain why, but Embry is definitely the one to enjoy music. He likes to listen to you sing.

He’s really understanding about your anxiety. Before he shifted, he had a lot of anxiety too.

He and the pack are really tightly knit, so don’t worry about having to meet too many new people.

Everyone is really nice, but Embry would warn them to back off if you seemed to be getting uncomfortable

He likes your personality too, though

You’re just so bubbly and sarcastic, it’s something that he can definitely get behind.

Embry likes to stay up late, too. He does probably get a bit of an earlier start though, just because he has a lot of energy.

But he loves to stay up late with you, talking or doing whatever.

He’s also one of the few people in the pack that really like video games, so if you’d want to stay up late owning him in whatever game you want to play, he’d be fine with that too.

For Maze Runner, I ship you with Newt!

Art isn’t really something that’s common in the Glade, there had been a few canvases that had come up in the box, but no one really knew what they were for.

Then you showed up, and started creating drawings and paintings. All of the boys love your work, but Newt in particular. He just can’t fathom how you’ve managed to do that with just your hands and a paintbrush.

He also really likes your singing voice. A lot of the boys came up with little limericks, especially after drinking a little too much, but then he hears you singing he’s kind of surprised.

It’s just not something that happens a lot in the Glade, and he was definitely into the arts before he lost his memories.

Newt definitely understands depression and anxiety, so when he saw how sad or anxious you got sometimes, he probably got close to you. He’d tell you how he got his limp, and teach you ways that he’s learned to deal with being anxious.

Newt likes staying up later, too. He’s not a runner anymore and therefore he doesn’t have to get up so early, so he’d probably stay up late with you.

He likes your humor, it reminds him of how bright the world must be outside of the maze (I’ll see myself out lmao)

For Friends, I ship you with Chandler!

He’s definitely a cat person, just try and convince me otherwise

You two would be so sarcastic together

He can’t draw or paint very well, but he does like all kinds of art.

He likes to look at your drawings and paintings, he could spend an afternoon just looking through your sketchbook.

He also isn’t the best at singing, but he tries.

He’d definitely be the guy that sings along with his girlfriend, purposely sounding horrible just because he wants too.

Chandler is pretty intune with mental health, he learned a lot about it whenever he was trying to recover from his cigarette addiction.

He finds your sarcasm really funny, he’s just one of those people who likes sarcasm. Not to mention that you two sometimes have complete conversations using sarcasm and sarcasm only.

When you wake up all grumpy, he can’t help himself but to laugh and poke fun at how cute you look.

Especially when the two of you stayed up making crappy jokes the night before, and he keeps remembering them.

For Harry Potter, I ship you with Harry!

He doesn’t care that you’re Slytherin, though let’s just say he does find it amusing when Malfoy gets pissed because Harry got a girlfriend before Malfoy.

Harry was told he was nothing for his entire childhood, so he understands about all of your anxieties and depression.

He’d be there to comfort you, he just wants you to feel safe and happy.

He also doesn’t like to be around people that much, he likes his friends but everyone knows him but he doesn’t know most of them.

So he doesn’t really try to get you to hang out with him in big crowds, he gets that people are overwhelming.

Ron and Hermione are really the only people he’s close with, so don’t worry too much about having to meet too many people.

Harry doesn’t stay up too late, but he has pulled a few all nighters to finish schoolwork he forgot about.

He has always found the paintings at Hogwarts fascinating, but he will admit that they talk an awful lot and can be annoying.

So, he likes your art — any form of it, actually — but he could stare at especially your paintings all day.

For Divergent, I ship you with Four!

He’s a Dauntless, but we all know he’s definitely the one that’s the most repspectful and understanding.

He understands mental health a lot more than anyone else in Dauntless, or any of the factions really.

So he’s really supportive, always watching out for you. He gets really defensive when Eric talk down to you, and he always ask you to make sure you’re okay afterwords.

The closest thing to art in Dauntless are tattoos and body mods, and maybe a few street acts, but Four really likes any kind of art.

He can’t help but watch the colors of your paintings, or listen to the sound of your voice. It’s so angelic and pretty, especially compared to everything else.

Dauntless usually have a set time for lights-out, but Four has been known to break that rule. He’d love to stay up late with you, doing whatever you wanted to.

He finds you really cute when you wake up all grumpy, he just can’t help it.

He likes your sense of humor, too. Most people don’t like to speak up to him, he accidentally scares them, so it’s weirdly nice for someone to sarcastically tell him off.

For Percy Jackson, I ship you with Leo!

The Crackhead Energy

I feel like he would definitely built you a robot cat, since pets aren’t really allowed at camp.

Everyone has their fair share of a tragic backstory at camp, but Leo is definitely the one who understands you the most out of everyone.

After his mother passed, he realized a lot of things about mental health and now he’s very intune to you.

He teaches you/helps you with breathing exercises for your anxiety a lot

On a happier note—

You two are so wild together.

Both of you are incredibly sarcastic, which can lead to some pretty interesting conversations together.

Believe it or not, Leo is actually pretty good a drawing

A good amount of design has to go into his machines and even tiny gadgets, so he’s honed his sketchwork over the years

Clean lineart and paintings are different stories

Leo is also pretty dramatic, he’s a great actor. Well, not crying, emotional tv-actor, he’s more of an animated, over-exaggerated stage play actor.

So he likes to run lines with you, and show up to your rehearsals. If someone is out for the day, he’d happily fill in and say their lines.

For The Good Place, I ship you with Jason!

Again, it’s all about the pure Crackhead Energy that both of you have

He’s lowkey kinda dumb, but his hearts in the right place, okay?

He really likes animals too!

Honestly he could spend an entire afternoon at the animal shelter with you, just hanging out with all the cute animals.

He stays up late a lot too

He’s probably playing games, let’s be honest here.

That being said, he would absolutely love to ruin anything close to a sleep schedule with you

He loves playing video games with you, he probably lets you win occasionally but otherwise he’s just losing by accident.

He’s definitely one of those boyfriends that sing along with you

But like...really horribly (horrible on purpose, of course)

Jason gets it if you don’t like to meet too many new people, thought he does tend to like any party he can get into

Don’t worry, though. He’s always down to stay home and cuddle.

[subvertingyourexpectations]

Top Ten Films of 2019

2019 was… I’m gonna be honest, not a very great year for cinema. Aside from a handful of standouts, I have seen very few things that completely blew me away. Especially given the past few years, we haven’t gotten a Roma, or a Phantom Thread, or a Denis Villeneuve movie. Anyway, this is my top ten favorite films of 2019. 

But first…

Films That Would Make It But Didn’t “Technically” Come Out in 2019

Long Day’s Journey into Night

I already talked at length about this film, but I love it to pieces. It has twisted the visual language of cinema into its own beautiful and bizarre version, crafting a puzzle box of a movie that I absolutely adored. But, it technically came out at the end of 2018, so it can’t be on the list. 

Tigers Are Not Afraid

If you like foreign films, this is a must-see. If you like tragic dramas anchored by some terrific child actor performances, this is a must-see. If you like horror movies, well, it’s not really a horror movie but people keep describing it as one, so you should probably see it. It’s a beautiful little imaginative tale about the effects of the drug war on orphaned kids, and if you can catch it on streaming I would definitely check it out. But, even though it came out in limited release in August, it came out in Mexico in 2017, so I can’t include it. 

One Cut of the Dead 

Maybe the most original film I’ve seen in years? The first half is a terrific little zombie flick all in one camera shot, and somehow the second half expands on this and is ten times better. Watching this in a packed house was one of my favorite moviegoing experiences of the year. It’s one of the most funny and, again, original movies I’ve seen in years.  

Shadow

UGH ALL THE GREAT FOREIGN FILMS DIDN’T COME OUT IN 2019. Anyway this movie is incredible and is maybe the best use of grayscale I’ve seen in any film. 

Movies That Might’ve Made the List But I Sadly Have Not Seen Them Yet

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Pain and Glory 

1917

Bad Education

Little Women

The Souvenir 

Okay, now onto the actual list…

10. Ad Astra

Brad Pitt and James Gray’s remake of Apocalypse Now in space is maybe the weirdest premise for a movie, and yet I really enjoyed Ad Astra. There’s clearly some touches of studio interference that make this movie worse (read: Brad Pitt’s narration), but the underlying themes of anxiety and depression are some of the best I’ve seen on screen. Couple that with Brad Pitt’s best performance of the year (yes), the visual splendor on display, and this movie is an easy inclusion in my top ten of the year. 

9. Uncut Gems

I need to go lie down. After really enjoying the Safdie Brothers’ previous films (Good Time and Heaven Knows What), I was really excited for this movie, and I was not let down. The frenetic, dare-I-say crackhead energy that the Safdies are able to convey in their films is immensely satisfying to watch, and the way Adam Sandler channels it is one of my favorite performances of the year. The last twenty minutes of this movie is just pure panic attack. 

8. The Irishman

Somehow Scorsese’s 209-minute long epic is one of the most watchable films of the year. This is just a terrific example of everyone firing on all cylinders; the performances are great, the script is great, the editing is unbelievable (this movie feels like it is two hours long), and the directing and thematic development towards the third act is some of Scorsese’s best.  

7. The Farewell

A calling card for director Lulu Wang as much as it is for Awkwafina in dramatic roles, The Farewell is an absolute delight. The family dynamics throughout all feel refreshingly authentic, and the film masterfully weaves between its comedic moments and tragic undertones. If it wasn’t for some choices made at the ending, this would probably rank higher on my list. 

6. El Camino

How bad was 2019 for film? A Breaking Bad movie is my sixth favorite film of the year. It doesn’t matter if we “needed” this movie or not, El Camino is just so incredibly well-made and enjoyable. It’s always a pleasure seeing something new in the Breaking Bad universe, but more than that I think this film is a genuinely beautiful swan song for one of the greatest characters in television.

5. Waves

This movie is meandering, aimless, pretentious, and completely style over substance. And yet, the last half hour of this movie hit me harder than almost anything this year. Regardless of how you feel about the characters, I feel like Waves has an overwhelmingly positive message in the end, which is to grow away from your hatred and learn to forgive and love. I’m sure many people will find the way this movie gets to that message to be kind of pointless and wandering, but to me it just turned a pretty good film into one of my favorites of the year. 

4. The Mustang

My local 3-screen art house closed in April of this year. I went there as often as I could, because they were the only theater in town that would play a lot of independent and foreign films. It was the first place I saw Roma, and the first (and, let’s face it, last) time I saw Stalker on the big screen. The last night they were open, I went and saw The Mustang, not based on anything to do with the movie, just because I wanted to be there one last time. It was completely sold out, far busier than I’d ever seen them. In the past I’d always had free roam of where to sit, but that last night I was in the third row from the front.  

If Ad Astra is about depression, then The Mustang is about anger, and learning to overcome your anger and grow as a person. It’s about a prison in Nevada that has a rehabilitation program where violent convicts train wild Mustangs, which are later sold to local ranches and farms. Roman (a terrific performance from Matthias Schoenaerts) is one such convict, and his personal struggle to overcome his anger is beautifully realized against the backdrop of having to fight a wild animal. (Seriously, he goes in swinging and it does not end well for him.) It’s a great story, and it’s a must-watch if you haven’t seen it. The emotional ending coupled with the fact that my favorite theater was closing left me a complete wreck when the credits rolled. (I’m starting to realize my top five films all just boil down to “the ending wrecked me”.) 

3. The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part

This is like The Mustang but for kids.

Okay okay, hear me out, I only saw this movie once when it first came out 11 months ago, and I’m not ever watching it again because I thought it was perfection. I feel like on a repeat visit the songs will become grating, the plot will feel ridiculous, and the themes of toxic masculinity that I appreciated so dearly will seem like faint whispers instead of clear subtext. And yet in the theater, I absolutely adored the songs and the plot and the clear subtext about being a better brother/man. The real-world parallels that were a surprise twist at the end of the first film are used beautifully in The Second Part, because the plot is simply just one big metaphor for a little sister who wants to play with her older brother. It’s touching, it’s funny, and it gets stuck inside your heart. It’s such a shame that the LEGO film franchise is all but dead, because if we had kept getting films like this, children’s movies would definitely be better for it. 

2. Parasite

Everything fantastic about this film has already been said about it by people far smarter than me, so I’ll just say this: it is every bit as amazing as people hyped it up to be. This movie is a biting satire, a laugh-out-loud comedy, and an edge of your seat thriller. It has left an imprint on my brain since I first saw it back in October, to the point where as much as I have tried to analyze and dissect, this film, I don’t know if there’s a single flaw with it, there’s genuinely nothing I would change about this movie. If you see one movie this year, it should be Parasite. 

1. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

In July of 2019, I had to make probably the biggest decision of my (brief) career thus far. I was going to leave my management position at a 24-screen theater I’d loved dearly to go work in an office. I loved everything about the movie theater, I’d worked there for almost four years, but at a certain point it just had diminishing returns. Newer upper management and constant changes coming down from the big-whigs had turned my favorite building into a place I started to resent, a place I didn’t recognize. I tried to fight the change, and re-institute everything I loved about this building that I practically grew up in, but you can’t fight change, and you shouldn’t romanticize the past.  

I’ve never seen these themes more realized in film than in The Last Black Man in San Francisco. It tells the story of Jimmie Fails, a native San Franciscan who has to watch the city he’s loved his whole life descend into a rapidly gentrified hellscape that leaves many homeless and helpless. He often visits his childhood home, a beautiful three-story house with a “witch hat” on top, now owned by an older white couple. This doesn’t stop him from romanticizing the house, romanticizing the past, as he constantly visits and attempts to fix up the house, oftentimes clashing with the current inhabitants. 

This disdain from the couple is an all-too-real parallel message that he’s getting from the city itself: You’re not welcome here anymore. Much as Jimmie has tied his identity to this home, and this city, he is hardly welcome in either. But for one brief instant, he gets to live his dream. The house gets stuck in a familial dispute, causing the older couple to move out. Leaving behind a big empty house that no one is occupying, Jimmie and his best friend Montgomery decide to just move right in, and have their way. They bring in all the old furniture from Jimmie’s childhood, they paint the walls, repair the original woodworking, all in service of Jimmie’s dream to simply exist in this space, and preserve something sacred.

Eventually though, reality comes crashing down, and try as he might, Jimmie can’t stay in the house, and he has to learn a hard truth: you cannot tie yourself emotionally to a physical space. Whether it’s a house, a city, a job, you simply cannot love something that doesn’t love you back. You will get hurt every time. 

But it’s so easy to love. It’s so easy to play the piano in the entranceway of your childhood home. It’s so easy to relax in the sauna upstairs, or smoke on the balcony, or just lay on the floor and admire the witch hat. The Last Black Man in San Francisco makes you fall in love with this house, and with Jimmie and Montgomery, and as much as we see ourselves in them, we too have to learn the same lessons. As much as we want to inhabit a space, and get the fullest potential out of it, you cannot ever stop change, and you cannot stand in the way of it without going insane. 

And maybe it was just because I was going through this personal development the first time I saw this movie, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It stuck in my brain so much that by the time I saw it a second time, I was a complete mess; I cried four times. I cried for Jimmie, I cried for the house, and I cried for myself. I cried for the things we all lost, the things that would never be the same, and because we would have to learn to accept that. This is what’s so beautiful about The Last Black Man in San Francisco, and on top of the phenomenal acting, emotional script, and gorgeous visuals, it’s what made it my favorite film of the year.  

[rossmccallsqueen]

After Party (Joe Mazzello Smut)

 Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Summary: You attend the Oscars with Joe, who gets some ideas, and after a couple, drinks gets a little creative.

Word count: 1.8K

Warnings: Daddy kink, dirty talk, public sex (kind of? its just oral), oral sex (f!receiving). Basically a LOT of smut

Requested: YES! I got a request for some Joe smut. I got the idea and ran with it, so I hope you like this Anon that requested it!

A/N: If you want to be added to my permanent taglist let me know! 

-----------

You knew Oscars day was going to be a wild one from the start. Rami was the favorite to win Best Actor, Queen was performing with Adam Lambert, and you got to wear a gorgeous dress. All in all a very good day, but a crazy one none the less. You also knew your boyfriend Joe would be bouncing off the walls all day, which would make it even more interesting. Your attempts to calm him were pretty much obsolete but that didn’t stop your efforts.

Your dress was a floor length gown with sparkly black beads sewn all over it, with a slit that ran all the way up your leg practically to your hip. It was stunning on you, and it honestly looked like it was made for you to wear and you only.  In your opinion, the best thing about Oscars weekend was that someone was doing your makeup for you.

“Holy shit Y/N! You look incredible.” You heard Ben say when the boys walked into the room.

“Y/N who? I only see a goddess.” Rami chimed in next.

“You guys! Stop it, It’s just a dress.” You tried to be modest, but in reality, you were dying inside at their compliments.

“Would you guys cut it out? I’d like a moment with my girlfriend please.” Joe said when he came in, kissing your cheek. Ben, Rami, and Gwil bowed as they would to a queen, and exited the room. Since you were basically done getting ready, everyone else left too.

“Is everything okay babe?” You asked, concerned there was something wrong with Joe. He looked so good in his black tux, and the two of you matched perfectly.

“Oh yeah, everything is fine…” He trailed off, and you felt his hand slowly go up the slit in your dress. The slit was so high up it gave him perfect access to your panties, something you definitely weren’t expecting.

“Joseph!” You yelped out, a little shocked at his actions considering there was a swarm of people right outside the door.

“I think you should take these off… Would make you even hotter.” He was referring to your panties, which snapped against your skin when he pulled them back. He kissed your neck, withdrew his hand, and winked at you as he left the room leaving you by yourself. You stood up and walked over to the full-length mirror the team had brought in for the day.

You always wanted to please Joe, but never in your life had you gone without wearing underwear. It was just kind of habit as you got dressed. But you got to thinking… It was Oscars night. You had no idea if you’d ever get to go again, and if you could get Joe all riled up during the biggest night in Hollywood.. Well, then that would be quite the accomplishment. All you had to do was take off your panties. Carefully, you laced your fingers through the edges and brought them down your legs. After they were off, you walked over to your suitcase to put them away. Once you decided that you were finished getting ready, you walked out into the hall to join your group.

“Did you think about my suggestion?” Joe whispered in your ear as you all began to walk downstairs.

“Thought about, and they’re gone.” You smirked, and Joe’s eyes went wide. He was already getting worked up and you weren’t even at the red carpet yet let alone inside the actual award show itself.

You accompanied him the entire way down the red carpet. You watched him pose with the boys but he would always pull you in after a few shots. Whenever he wasn’t posing with the boys or giving an interview, his hands were all over you. Over the years he’s come up with a few tricks so the cameras wouldn’t see, and they drove you insane. After a while, his hands never left you at all. For the rest of the red carpet, one hand was laced around your waist and the other was either playing with your dress or your hair.

“You okay there mate?” Ben asked as they headed upstairs once they got inside.

“Wonderful actually.”  You looked at Ben’s reaction, and you definitely don’t think that he bought it.

“Babe, you need to calm down.” You whispered playfully to Joe as the awards started.

“When my girlfriend looks this gorgeous? Yeah okay.” He sipped his drink, most likely the first of many for the both of you. You both liked to celebrate, and Oscars night was going to be no different.

Of course, Queen and Adam Lambert rocked their performance, and Bohemian Rhapsody won 3 awards that it was nominated for. When Rami won his Oscar for Best Actor, everyone, including you and Joe, lost your minds. You loved seeing Joe celebrate with Ben, Gwil, and Allen. They had worked so hard and you knew they were so proud of Rami. It was going to be a night that you all would never forget.

The cast and crew all gathered together at the after party, hugging each other and congratulations going all around. You knew for the rest of the night it was going to be one big non-stop party but you didn’t even care. You were happy, Joe was happy, and all of your friends were happy. That was all that mattered. Of course, you all had a couple drinks in you. Your inhibitions were lowered, and you didn’t even care. Joe had been playing with you all night, and each time he did you got more excited. With the party well underway, it wasn’t going to be a boring night.

Of course, when you sat down at your table with everyone, Joe was up to his normal tricks again. His hand trailed up your dress under the table, of course where no one could see. But you found yourself making absolutely no effort to stop him. You were all in a giant booth, which would have made it even harder for anyone to notice what he was doing anyway.

“You going to be good for me princess?” Joe leaned over and whispered in your ear. No one was even looking at you, despite how busy the room was.

“Always, daddy.” You heard Joe groan in your ear. His fingers wasted no time plunging right into your already dripping pussy. Instinctively you spread your legs, giving Joe even easier access to you. He played with every spot he knew would get you going, and every time he started to go faster you found yourself gripping the armrests of your seat.

“Joe, fuck, JOE.” You said under your breath because if he kept going you would for sure cum right there in front of everyone. AT AN OSCARS AFTER PARTY.

“That’s it Princess, cum all over Daddy’s fingers.” His fingers were going in and out of you at an alarming pace, with some of them going especially fast over your clit. Within seconds, you were cumming all over his hand and gripping his arm like you never wanted to let go.

“That was amazing babe… How about you give Daddy one more while we're here?” Your eyes widened, looking around once more. To your surprise, everyone was wrapped up in their own conversations. Gwil and Ben were talking to the crew, and it looked like Rami and Lucy had gotten up to do their thank you’s round to the room. No one had even batted an eye toward you and Joe.

“Now, I need you to be quiet for Daddy okay?” You nodded at Joe’s question. He did a quick scan of the room and ducked under the table. It took everything you had not to drop your mouth to the floor but you managed to contain yourself.

A couple seconds later and you felt Joe push your dress out of the way. He placed kisses on each of your thighs before he ran his tongue up and down your already sensitive folds. You had no idea how you would cum again, but Joe always managed to get more out of you.

He nibbled on your clit, followed by him flicking his tongue rapidly against it. You gripped the armrests again, hoping it would somehow anchor you to the earth. You felt him stop and withdraw his tongue, and you whimpered at the loss of sensation.

That's when he started blowing little puffs of air against your wet folds. With your dripping pussy exposed to the air, Joe’s breath against it sent shivers up your spine. Instead of gripping the armrests, your hands went down and tangled in Joe’s hair.

Without even realizing, your legs spread even wider so that Joe’s tongue could go even deeper. He added his fingers, bringing them in and out of you as fast as he could. He loved knowing what he was doing to you, and that anyone could catch you at any moment.

His fingers and tongue fucked into you, collecting each bit of your juices that he could. It was heaven for him and you both. You felt like you were on fire, and if you didn’t get to cum again soon you would explode. To give him the hint without alerting the entire table, you pushed his head as close to you as it would go. Thankfully, he got the hint and his tongue went to work.

His mouth sucked on your clit while his fingers plunged in and out of you. His fingers angled at a certain spot inside of you, and your hands pulled at his hair. That’s how Joe knew he had found that sweet spot he always loved to hit. With more intensity than you’d ever thought possible, licked ferociously at your clit and struck your spot one last time. With every ounce of effort you had, you bit your lip to keep from crying out. As you came, you gripped Joe’s hair one more time. You could feel him licking up any part of your juices he could.

You looked around to make sure you had the all clear and tapped his shoulder giving him the okay that he could resurface. When he came back up, he smirked at you.

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen babe.” He kissed your neck and placing his head on your shoulder.

“I think we should go back to the room. Wanna say goodbye love?” You asked, still trying to catch your breath from what Joe had just done to you.

“I think that’s a lovely idea. We wouldn’t want to leave the Oscars without saying goodbye now would we?” He raised an eyebrow and helped you up because your legs were shaking a little bit. Just like the red carpet, his arm never left your waist even as you said goodbye to everyone. This was definitely a night you were never going to forget.

Taglist: @borhap-socials @jiswoogannon @fatbottomedcurls @aussienerdgirl @im-justatrashcan @one-thousandlies @imamazzellhoe @tichtaylor @sohoneyspreadyourwings @rogerina-deacon

[selkiewife]

Harlots Season 3 ep 2- stray thoughts

*There are spoilers, duh

Incoherent shouting

*bangs on table* I love Nancy Birch so much. Like all she has to do is come onscreen and I’m happy.

Charlotte Wells is such a Gryffindor and I am thinking of sorting all the Harlots characters into HP houses and making moodboards for them. Please send me messages with which houses you think everyone is in. I have definite opinions already but I’m open to suggestions. 

Also Charlotte Wells is a bad bitch and we stan.

Unpopular Opinion Time

Okay this might be an unpopular opinion but I am honestly LOVING this season of Harlots. That does not mean that I do not miss Violet, Amelia, Scanwell, Hunt, Limehouse NELL ( 😔 ), and Prince Rasselas like hell. Because I absolutely do. I’m still holding out hope that they will turn up just like SPOILER!!! Margaret will eventually. There were actually a few times I thought they were GOING to... like when Fredo was looking for boys and when Lydia Quigley didn’t have anywhere to go and then they didn’t. ughhh. But I am ALSO very interested in all the new characters and plot lines. 

I like the Pincher brothers and the ridiculous amount of drama they’ve created and I love how it has changed the dynamic a bit and has essentially made all of these women characters BAND TOGETHER against them- like even Emily (who I love don’t get me wrong) who seems to be solidly in the Pincher camp is STILL always standing up for her fellow women- like when she berates Isaac on more than one occasion of his treatment of Margaret. I think Alfie’s portrayal of Isaac is awesome and it makes me want to know more about him. I’ve seen some people complain that the character reminds them of second season Theon but that’s not a problem for me because that’s basically when I became fascinated by Theon and what was going on inside his head so, yeah. 

I like Jack Lively! A new character this week! He’s William North’s new boxing star and I think his story will also be very interesting- I loved him in Harriet’s house, always polite but serving his cutting “friendly reminders” in Latin. He can rock right out. I think he had a definite thing for Harriet and I am here for that. ALSO William North is back in town!

I LOVE the story of the molly house and Elizabeth and Fredo. I LOVE Fredo and his beginning friendship with Lucy. I also want to know way more about Elizabeth and I loved how she had that silk merchant (or I think I’ll have to rewatch to get the story there- was he more of a pirate?) just wrapped around her fingers. Also I LOVED the whole cover story about how they are selling fine suits and the word play with that scene and how so many things were going on at once with the stealing the Pinchers’ money caper. 

Checking in with the regulars:

Harriet! Harriet has had such an incredible arc and she is such a survivor and I love seeing her as the bawd of her own establishment now and doing well enough that she is able to take all the Wells girls in- Not sure where her kids are but I’ve headcanoned that Amelia and Violet are babysitting them. 

LYDIA QUIGLEY got out of Bedlam and it was glorious. Love the woman singing while they were running the hell out of there. God I am always taken in by the haunting singing on Harlots...

Cherry. I love her so much. Everyone must love and protect Cherry. ALSO CHERRY WAS FUCKING RHYMING. Has this show always rhymed? I need to do a rewatch soon. I’ll report back. I love that she and Nancy seem to have a real understanding and affection for each other. That warmed my heart. By the way I need all future condoms to come with Cherry’s little bows on them. That was fantastic. 

Charlotte taking down Isaac with the same wording he used against her was spectacular and I really loved it. I loved that Isabella was in on it and was able to use her power in this way- and damn she looked like she was having so much fun doing it. 

Shipping stuff:

Okay... THAT KISS between Charlotte and Isabella. Obviously they’ve gotten to a place where they are friends/lovers/business associates and that is fine. But I think this kiss raised the stakes in their relationship. It seemed to come from a place of pure romantic love or at least romantic longing. Especially when you consider when it happens- which is right after Charlotte is talking about how being “in love” is beyond their wildest dreams. Isabella had a moment there when Charlotte was saying that her daughter was rich beyond all their dreams when I think she realized how much she loves Charlotte. And I think that kiss was Isabella’s answer to Charlotte’s assertion that love was beyond them. Charlotte is a restless soul who craves freedom and love- she’s cleaver and got great survival instincts but I think at her core, she wants love and happiness and freedom. She was so wistful when she was describing how they should be happy for Sophia, who is free to love who she wants. It was like she truly believed that love was beyond someone like her. And I think Isabella was basically saying “no girl, let me show you how not beyond you that kind of love is,” when she kissed her. 

I also began shipping Nancy and Isabella this episode which surprises absolutely no one. What would their ship name be? Lady Dom? Fitzbirch? Nancy seems so attuned to Isabella and it would be WILD to see these two women together. This may be time to mention to people who have come to my blog for Harlots and don’t know me from my GOT stuff- I am a poly shipper, multi shipper, ship and let ship, will not argue about ships blog!

Which brings me to, Isaac and Charlotte. So this is definitely a toxic ship but I’m here for it. Why? I love both of the actors and they DO have chemistry. I don’t care what anyone says. Alfie and Jessica are the type of actors who have chemistry with anyone honestly. They could both individually have chemistry with a bowl of soup (see what I did there theonsas?) so don’t come at me with “they have no chemistry.” I realize that it’s a completely unhealthy train wreck and I won’t defend it, but like, I can’t help that I enjoy watching it- so I’ll just have to ask y’all to have pity on my useless bisexual heart. 

Questions: 

Why did Isaac think that Charlotte wanted to sleep with him after BURNING HER HOUSE DOWN? Like is he that stupidly arrogant about her wanting him? I guess so. Personally, my paranoia just wouldn’t gel with that. I would be sure she’d be doing it to trick me... Then again, I guess I can’t blame him. If Charlotte Wells acted like she wanted to sleep with me I would totally let her do it even if I thought she was only doing it to steal my money... 

I think that we could still possibly see Amelia and Violet. Do you think I am being delusional? I’m trying to think about past seasons of Harlots and if it took awhile to catch up with certain characters- I think Rasselas didn’t show up until half way through last season right? Or was it the very end? 

[letterboxd]

Divas.

“You have to know what you’re willing to fight for or die for.” Angelina Jolie goes head-to-head with Michelle Pfeiffer in the Maleficent sequel, Mistress of Evil. The megastars talk to Letterboxd about their new Disney blockbuster, their favorite villains, and learning to let go of your children.

We haven’t done specific data on this, but it’s no secret that, from Tinkerbell and Wendy to Mother Gothel and Rapunzel, Disney in particular excels at pitting women against each other and messing with concepts of motherhood. Times change, however, and in 2014, with Angelina Jolie in the title role, the studio’s live-action blockbuster Maleficent revisited the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale, taking a refreshing spin on the villain from Disney’s 1959 animated classic Sleeping Beauty.

It worked: Maleficent became Jolie’s highest-grossing film, and holds a particular kind of appeal for the Letterboxd members who love it. For Rookie Bear, it is “…a journey from girlhood to motherhood and maturity, and in many respects, is exactly the film I would have liked Sleeping Beauty to be.” Aly C agrees: “I love that so many distinctly feminine themes are layered into this story, from non-traditional motherhood to recovering from sexual assault. It’s so smart; [writer] Linda Woolverton is a genius, and that must be part of why Angelina was so enthusiastically behind this project (besides looking absolutely iconic). I hope the sequel stays on this same path.”

Pedro Paixão is a little more succinct: “I have a weakness for bad bitches in leather.” He’s gonna love the follow-up, which sees dark fairy Maleficent (Jolie) drawn out of the moors, a verdant land in which fantasy creatures flourish, by the impending nuptials between surrogate daughter Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty herself, played by Elle Fanning) and her beloved Prince Phillip (Harris Dickinson, replacing the original’s Brenton Thwaites).

But this is Disney. With Maleficent and Aurora happy in their non-traditional family unit, the sequel needs a new bad bitch. Cue Michelle Pfeiffer, the ideal grande dame to go head-to-head with Jolie in lavish new sequel Maleficent: Mistress of Evil.

Pfeiffer plays Aurora’s mother-in-law to be, Queen Ingrith; outwardly welcoming of Maleficent, but secretly plotting against her, setting the stage for an epic showdown in which expensive special effects are entirely outshone by two of Hollywood’s most legendary actors throwing down. It’s misunderstood-villain versus actual-villain, and the star power on display is truly something to behold.

Jolie and Pfeiffer recently joined press in Beverly Hills to talk about the film, and we took the opportunity to ask them for any iconic movie villain performances that they may have taken inspiration from.

Angelina Jolie immediately named the performance given by her co-star in Tim Burton’s Batman Returns: “I like Michelle as Catwoman,” she told us.

Pfeiffer brought up a different Batman film, Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight, in her response: “I think the first thing that came to mind was Heath Ledger as the Joker. I didn’t take that as inspiration, but that’s my favorite villain.”

Read on for highlights from the rest of the conversation.

On being associated with the character of Maleficent: Angelina Jolie: The strange thing as an actor, you’re kind of always figuring out who you are, how people see you. Now with social media, everybody has an opinion. As an actor, it’s strange, you put yourself forward [for a role] and somebody says: “Oh, that’s very you.” And you think: ‘Really, is it?’ When I got a call and they said: “We thought you’re the only person who could play Maleficent. It was so obvious.” I was like: “What was so obvious?” I’m never quite sure how I’m supposed to take that.

And yet, I love her. So maybe I just need to fully embrace it at this time in my life. Maybe when I first did it I thought I needed to find the other aspects of her; she’s a bit wild and full-on and a bit much. Now I have different things in my life and I’m just so happy to feel strong again and have some fun. I adore being her.

On whether or not she was channeling screen legend Bette Davis in her performance: AJ: When I was little, I saw the animated film. Clearly she was drawn with that inspiration, and the original voice, and the original way she was, and I was so drawn to it. All of those women. There’s so much to learn from them. Any comparison I’m very grateful for.

On how the film plays with notions of good and evil: Michelle Pfeiffer: It’s a very unusual fairy tale, which I also loved about the first film, it was so surprising. What I loved is that it played in this grey area and it talked about good-versus-evil, and how all of us have a little bit of everything in us. I think in terms of strength, and how that manifests itself, it’s different in everyone. One of the things we loved about Aurora is that in many ways she is ultimately the strongest and wisest of all of us. My character is really brilliant and diabolical, but I wouldn’t consider her terribly wise.

I mean, everybody has vulnerability, and I think, [Queen Ingrith is] damaged. Nobody behaves that way unless they’re incredibly damaged on some level. She just doesn’t wear it on her sleeve, I guess. And it some ways, what she resorts to is really, truly out of a very deep fear. On the central themes of the film: AJ: It is about family. Aurora and Maleficent were brought together and they became a family and they weren’t really expecting it. Maleficent was harmed in her life and she lost herself and lost her ability to, I think, be soft and feel love. Being a mother brought out something in me that really transformed me. But we’re different creatures in the film. There are metaphors in the film, not to be heavy about it, but always I think a good film for young people has these messages, and I think there’s real questions in the film: [Aurora and Maleficent] get pulled apart, people tell us, because we’re not the same. “Because you’re not exactly like her, you’re not gonna love her.” That certainly strikes a chord with me. I think Maleficent does wonder if she’s good enough to be a mother.

Then there’s a real push to say “this is not how it should be, and this is not how to live”. Diversity makes us stronger. There must be a better way forward, and we have to come together. We do that in the film with the humans and the creatures and moor-folk coming together. We do that as a family, we come together and we fight against this separation. We unite and we say “this is the world we choose to live in”. I think that that is a really important message.

On Aurora and Maleficent’s relationship: AJ: I see her exactly as she is, and I don’t want her to be any different than she is. And she sees me as I am, and she accepts me as I am. It is to say to everybody: “Be yourself, be your true self. You don’t live forever.” Say to children: “No matter how people see you and how they say you should be, you’ll suffocate. Be your true nature, whatever that may be, and you’ll find acceptance, because you have to.”

On the film’s elaborate dinner scene, when Maleficent and Ingrith first encounter each other: MP: Tension-wise, nobody wanted to be the one to wreck the take, because it was so long. Every angle, every shot was a master. The tension is really good, you’re kind of just being there for each other.

AJ: I was just happy we were sitting. I felt like I was having dinner with friends for a week. I thought it was great. On the challenge of performing inside such gargantuan costumes: AJ: You get so supported in these roles with the magic, everybody working towards this idea of [bringing together] costumes, visual effects and make-up to help bring you into a creature. It’s a big team. Some of my costumes were half there, and we had to be flying with rigs and things. The trick with Maleficent sometimes is that I need to look stronger on the ground, but then I have to float when I’m up in the air.

On what the film has to say about self-sacrifice: AJ: When you talk about love, we spoke about knowing your true self, but really I think the core of is: we’re not here just to exist. You have to know what you stand for. You have to know what you’re willing to fight for or die for. If you live that way, then whatever pain comes with it and whatever sacrifice comes with it, you embrace it and it actually fills you with purpose. That’s hopefully represented in the film.

On whether or not she was trying to top her previous villain performances: MP: I didn’t actually look at it that way. I certainly enjoyed playing this, I was really delighted and surprised when I read the script. I was excited just by the notion of working with [Angelina Jolie and Elle Fanning].

You approach them all differently. I had a lot of fun doing this. I felt like I had a lot of freedom to try and bring some other colors, you know, try to play the humanity. It may not appear at first blush that Ingrith is willing to sacrifice anything, but she’s willing obviously to sacrifice her son. I think that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. (Laughs.) It’s complicated.

On relating to Maleficent having to let go of Aurora, given that she just sent her oldest son off to college: AJ: To be very honest, Maddox was so ready and he’s doing so well. He spent these days with me as I thought I was preparing him to go. You work so hard as a mother, you think: ‘I’m really helping him.’ And then at the airport, he could’ve left but he stayed with me a bit longer, I kept thinking: ‘He wants to be with me a little longer.’ And then at some point he looked at me and said: “Are you okay?” and I said “Yeah I’m fine” and I realized the entire week was all for me. He was just making sure I was okay. And he gave me a really big hug because he knew that I needed it, and I knew that he was okay because he was the kind of man who knew what I needed and he gave it to me in a loving way. So I left feeling really proud. I did cry a few times.

There’s a part of this movie where I have to let [Aurora] go. It wasn’t in the script, but I didn’t quite let her go. And Diaval (Sam Riley) has to come in and say: “Let her go.” And that got me every time. Because I would think of… all of the kids. That moment of having to let them go. But it’s also exciting.

Related content

Everything on Disney+: a list of all the films that will feature on the studio’s new streaming service, launching in the US on November 12.

Rara’s list of films with both female heroes and female villains.

Mommie Dearest: the Letterboxd Showdown of misunderstood movie matriarchs.

‘Maleficent: Mistress of Evil’ is in cinemas from October 18. Comments have been edited for length and clarity.

[bluetulipsandsuch]

Red Carpet Sweethearts

(ben hardy x reader)

I’m back, children. Enjoy some lovely cutesy shit about Mr. Ben

(warning? Just cutesy fluff and maybe a bit of angst? We’ll see)

𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹

I look into the mirror in front of me, my hands firmly gripping the sides of the sink. My reflection staring back at me, showing how much of a mess I looked like right now. I had dark circles around my eyes and my hair was wild, sticking every which way from my face. I looked terrible.

Suddenly there's a knock at the door and I jump, the small noise scaring me. ”Love, you okay?” Ben’s sweet voice says through the door, laced with concern. I turn the water on and quickly splash some on my face. Opening the door, I give a small smile to Ben and say, ”Yep. Everything’s great.” I go to move past him, but he doesn't move for a second. Although I can feel him staring at me, I don’t look back at him. Instead, I look down at my feet.

He tilts my chin up using his finger and I’m forced to look him in the eyes. He looks confused for a second, but his expression softens as he wipes a tear from under my eye. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. “Darling, you can tell me what’s wrong, you know?” Ben whispers with a small smile, his voice barely audible. That’s when I burst into tears and Ben’s expression turns into one of shock and then of worry. He holds me against him, my face buried in his chest while I ball his shirt in my hands.

Ben holds me until I start to calm down. He slowly picks me up bridal style, his arm under my the back of my knees as I hold on around his neck, my face still in his chest. He takes me to the living room, and he sits down with me in his lap. Slowly, he removes my hands from the back of his neck, and he makes it so I’m facing him. I’m glad my hair covers part of my face, that is until Ben gently moves the strands of hair to behind my ear.

He cocks his head to the side almost looking like a puppy, which I assume is his way of asking ‘what’s wrong’. I sigh before looking down into my lap. “What if they don’t like me..?” I mumble. He asks, “huh?” as he once again lifts my chin. Louder, I shout, “What if they don’t like me, Ben! What if I’m not pretty enough? I’ll look like rubbish standing next to you! They’ll probably be asking why the hell you’re dating me!”

Ben stares at me with his mouth open wide, clearly shocked. He pauses for a moment, thinking, before he says, “Love, they’ll adore you. You’re absolutely stunning and you make me incredibly happy. I love you and they’ll think your amazing, just like I do!” I rub my eyes as I look back at him. Slowly, a smile creeps up on my face and I throw my arms around Ben.

“God, I love you.”

••••

Later that night:

As I get out of the car with Ben, I tug on my dress. It seems like I need to tug it lower, but each time I do that it results in more of my chest area to be shown. Sighing, I simply follow Ben through the crowd of other people arriving. I had decided on wearing a maroon off the shoulder dress that ended slightly shorter at the front. I pay attention to my feet so I don't fall when Ben whispers in my ear, ”You look stunning, love.” I blush and only continue walking.

Even after seeing how many of these events Ben had been to, I had only been to one of these before and I was standing in the crowd then. Now I was the date of the hot actor Benjamin Jones. I hold onto Ben’s arm as we navigate through the rest of the people, but we’re stopped for a picture. I keep my hold on Ben’s arm as I smile into the camera. I have the photographer mutter a ”lovely” and am ready to continue walking to find Ben’s friends but as are once again stopped. ”Ah, Ben Hardy! And who's this lovely lady we’ve got here?” an interviewer asks.

”This is Y/N L/N. My girlfriend.”

”Ooh, lovely. How long have you been together?”

”About two years.”

”And a question for Miss L/N. Have you ever been nervous that Ben will cheat?”

My jaw drops at the question and my eyes fill with worry. I look at Ben and he clearly sees how I'm feeling. ”Alright that's enough. Thank you, ” Ben says as we walk away. I let out a breath as I spot Joe, Gwil, Rami, and Lucy. I hold Ben’s hand and take a seat next to Lucy. She looked as stunning as ever with a baby blue dress on that fit her just right. I greet the other three boys before smiling at Ben. I honestly adored his friends.

”It’s lovely to see you, Y/N. I know these aren't your type of place, ” Lucy says before taking a sip of a drink in front of her. I smile before nodding. I continue to chat with Lucy until Ben catches my attention by interlocking my hand with his. I turn and see that the complete awards are happening. I smile as I see that Rami was nominated for something because of Borhap. Good for him.

We all wait in silence, me still gripping Ben’s hand. They start to announce the winner and then shout Rami’s name. We all jump up and shout, well by we all I mean our table. Ben picks me up and spins me and I see Rami go to kiss Lucy.

Hmm, maybe these events aren’t so bad. Plus, me and Ben do look pretty darn cute.

[clive-owen-and-the-knick]

ENTERTAINMENT

Cocaine Withdrawals and Blood Transfusions: Clive Owen On The Season Finale Of 'The Knick'

By Matthew Jacobs

10/18/2014 12:24 AM ET

Updated Dec 06, 2017

WARNING: Major spoilers ahead. Do not read on if you haven't seen the Season 1 finale of "The Knick."

"The Knick" ended its 10-episode debut season on Friday, and the hope each character found in his or her new beginnings was bookended with a sense of dread. Thackery discovers an unfortunate way to kick his cocaine habit in the form of 1900-era heroin. Barrow bests Bunky Collier, but Mr. Wu learns of his manipulation. Cornelia's wedding day arrives, but she's haunted by the thought of her clandestine abortion and her feelings for Dr. Edwards. And Edwards himself is given the chance to shine while Thack is out of commission, but he's left bloodied in the streets, knowing Cornelia is off vowing to love another man. No character wins, but the show surely does. This was a stunner of a season finale, exemplifying the best of Steven Soderbergh's slow-burning drama. HuffPost Entertainment caught up with star Clive Owen, who plays Thackery, to discuss the finale.

Did you study cocaine withdrawal to decide what that would look like once Thackery's supply runs out?

I did as much research as I could. The great thing is that cocaine shortage again was based on fact. Everything in the show is inspired by real events. The idea of starving Thackery of his drug and then coming back and this more than ever was a brilliant way of climaxing. To go through that period of struggle, of not having the drug and then getting it and taking too much, was always, I felt, a great way to build him toward the end.

Nurse Elkin's role in procuring cocaine is fascinating. Does Thackery really love her, or does he only appreciate when she can do things for him?

I think by that time he’s a desperate addict. When she delivers that and when she finally comes through with the cocaine, he’s like, "She’s the most beautiful, loving person." He’s a desperate addict by this point. Just the fact that she’s delivering what he needs is everything.

We see him compete to advance various surgical procedures, but he does it mostly out of ego so he'll always be considered the best. How much does Thackery actually care about medicine?

I really do think by the ending couple of episodes that he’s completely lost his way. He’s a complete paranoid, competitive mess by the end. He is brilliant, but by this point he’s in a desperate place and he’s not thinking straight. That’s kind of where we’re taking him -- he’s heading for a fall.

Many of the surgery scenes are both graphic and relatively primitive. Is there a doctor on set guiding how they should look?

Yes, we had the most amazing expert, a guy called Dr. Stanley Burns, who runs this archive of literally hundreds of thousands of photographs from this period in the world. The show is like his fantasy come to life. He has an unbelievable wealth of material; he has medical documents that were handed between doctors at the turn of the century, he has instruments that were used at the time. He was there for every single operation and would be able to describe exactly how it would have been done, so we leaned on him tremendously.

That blood-transfusion scene in the finale is wild. Surely some of that is CGI.

Really, I have to say that the prosthetics guy on this thing did an absolutely unbelievable job throughout, and there’s so little CGI in this whole series. Everything is totally convincing, even to the naked eye, including that transfusion scene. That was the one scene where I remember I turned to Steven at one point and said, “How on earth are we ever going to bring back Thackery from this?” Will we ever be able to redeem him from this? I mean, in such a coked-up state, to be attempting something like that with this poor little girl, it’s a wild as it could get. But that’s the make of the show.

Do you think Bertie made the right choice in remaining so loyal to Thackery, especially at the end when he realizes what's been going on?

It’s difficult because Thackery does eventually go off the rails, but there’s no question that, at the beginning when we meet him, Thackery is a genius. He’s learned an incredible lot. That’s the journey of what happens, but there’s no question that Bertie would have learned an awful lot, but he’s also had to withstand an awful lot.

What do you think happened to Abigail and her syphilis nose?

We might not have seen the last of her. I won’t say any more on that.

We've seen shocking surgeries all season, but the most jarring moment probably comes when we see that Eleanor's teeth have been removed because that's how doctors thought they'd cure mental illness.

I agree with you. It is shocking, and what’s shocking is that that was the practice at the time. That was real. They actually really did think that. And the scary thing, when you do a show like this, is that what we’d be doing in 40 or 50 years’ time would make us think, "How on Earth could we have thought that was right?" How on Earth could a doctor really have believed that?

It must be hard to shoot in contemporary downtown New York but make every scene look and feel like it's set in 1900.

Steven has just the most incredible people around him that he’s been working with for a long time. What was really incredible is when you film on one of those outside days, you’d come to the exterior of the hospital and you’d walk on and everything would already be up and running. You’d do a shot in the carriage and it would pull up and you’d get out and 20 minutes later we’d be on to something else. It was so incredibly efficient, and they were so focused in getting those big outside scenes nailed so quickly. There were very challenging days -- we were shooting real New York Chinatown for 1900 Chinatown. We’d find a block in there that we’d dress and shoot, but you can imagine the logistics of trying to pull that off. They went in there and they were just incredibly together.

What's the most fascinating thing you've learned about medicine in 1900?

The thing that you’re kind of left with is just how much they were shooting from the hip. It was a time of change; things were coming big and fast. They were rethinking things on a weekly basis. At the time, doctors were sharing information across America and Europe. It was a wildly exciting time in terms of the breakthroughs they were making, probably this time in this period more than any other period.

You've worked with Robert Altman, Mike Nicholas, Alfonso Cuarón and Spike Lee. What does Steven Soderbergh, the consummate multitasker, bring to "The Knick" that no other director could?

I think the reason no other director could have taken this on and done it the way that he did it is that he has done everything. He directs, he operates, he lights, he edits, and it’s a singular vision. It’s 10 hours of television that completely comes back to one man and a singular vision. To have that is really extraordinary because I don’t know of any of the other directors you mentioned or any director that I’ve worked with who could do that and could hold the whole canal like he approached it at the speed with which he approached it. And he dealt with something so rich and detailed. He’s extraordinary in that way; there is no one like him. For an actor to work with that is a real privilege because he’s so on top of all aspects of what’s going on that you’re kind of left just worrying about your acting, which is a great place to be because you’re so sure. It’s a one-stop gig. You know that it all comes back to him. There’s something kind of great about that, about shooting a scene and there not being that dialogue of, “What if we did this?” or “What if we did that?” No. It goes back to that guy and his vision and his taste and his talent. I’m telling you he’s a hugely, hugely impressive person.

When does Season 2 start filming?

We go into pre-production soon and I think I’m heading out to New York for January.

What do you hope to see in Thackery's future now that he's been exposed to heroin?

He's been so edgy in his story and so visceral and dangerous. What’s great is the idea of being able to go into the next season and it could just pick up and hit the ground running, taking it further and exploring new territories. I’ve got a number of the scripts already and it’s just really exciting where we can take it.

[smittyryker]

Rumors (Will Poulter)

Requested anonymously! I know this is on the shorter side, but I wanted to have it out as soon as I could! Enjoy!

Famous!Reader and Will Poulter go on a date.

Acting had turned Y/N into a complete workaholic. It was her outlet in which she was able to express herself, but damnit if it wasn’t exhausting. Yes, she loved what she did and wouldn’t wish for any other job, although it became too much at times.

Still, it was hard to complain when she was so much more fortunate than other actors, those who are struggling with their career. She was doing just fine. It seemed like a cakewalk, despite the countless amount of hours rehearsing, memorizing, and practicing lines; and even, on bad days, sifting through comments.

For the most part, she was adequate at ignoring them. Being in the spotlight rarely bothered her— it was an obvious requirement for the profession— but it had its cons. Lots of rumors began to form around her as she grew. And, her being a female in the industry, many were obsessed with one type of rumor in particular. Dating rumors.

In truth, she wasn’t dating anyone, but that wasn’t why it bothered her. She had met wonderful people who performed on-screen like herself, whom of which she didn’t want to get the wrong idea of her. But these tabliods were everywhere, absolutely everywhere.

A magazine was briefly crinkled at the corners from her soft hand’s grip before she smacked it down on a wooden table on set.

“Who is it this time?” Her co-star, Kaya, asked. She had known about Y/N’s vendetta towards dating rumors when she confided in Kaya about them.

“Does it matter?” Y/N sighed, a slight smile gracing her face. Picking up the thin paper, she flashed her the cover. It was a photoshopped picture of Y/N and a well-known celebrity she had never met before.

Kaya chuckled, taking the magazine from her grip and quickly examining it before setting it back down. “It’ll pass, I’m sure, but they’re always going to see what they want to see.”

“No shit,” Y/N mumbled, and Kaya scoffed.

“I wouldn’t worry.”

She simply hummed in response, not looking to find words to answer her. It was too stressful to not worry. Every known actor is aware that it isn’t that simple, but fronts about it constantly, without even realizing. Maybe it was all the interview questions that squewed with their perception of normal life.

A new voice sounded her ears before her mind could run too wild; luckily. “Hey.”

Y/N tilted her head up to face Will Poulter. Since her first appearance in the Maze Runner film universe was in the Scorch Trials, this year was the first time she had met him, and by god, he was lovely.

“Oh! Hi, Will,” she greeted, distracting as she flipped the magazine over and slid it across the table and out of his peripheral. Truth was, Y/N always found Will incredibly handsome. In the original Maze Runner movie, she favored Gally’s character over the others. What could she say? She had a type.

Shooting wrapped up only ten minutes prior to his approach, so he had a hoodie pulled on, covering but not completely hiding his muscles. She cleared her throat, trying not to be too looksy.

“I kind of, wanted to...” he trailed off.

Her mind instantly ran to the worst. “What? Was I out of character?” She asked in reference to her performance today. To be honest, her stomach wasn’t feeling the best; had it shown on camera? God, she knew it would.

A beam spread across Will’s face and he shook his head quickly. Oh. “I wanted to... ask you out?”

A grin appeared on Y/N face. “A date?”

Will’s cheeks were truly flushed. Him being a teddy bear was evident, so she expected nothing less than some visible nerves.

He nodded slightly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I-if, only if you want it to be. I’d never—“

“Okay. Of course,” she cut him off, and the corners of his lips turned upwards. Damn. That smile.

One would think actors have a big wardrobe, but today Y/N’s felt painfully small. Everything she had tried on seemed to be unflattering, on this specific day. She sighed until a piece caught she eye. Putting it on, hopeful, she checked herslef in the mirror, a content sigh leaving her lips.

“Good,” she muttered, finally satisfied with a for-the-most-part casual outfit.

Shortly after, a knock on her apartment door was audible.

Y/N pulled the door open. “Will,” she greeted upon seeing his face. He was dressed in a red tinted button-down and jeans with his glasses adorably adorning his face.

“Y/N,” he smiled, pulling a single flower from his back.

Although the gesture was sweet, she rolled your eyes, giggling. ”You did not,” she chuckled, taking it from his fingers into hers; fingerpads brushing against each other briefly. Her heart thumped. “I’ll put these in a vase. But, are you ready? Do you need something to drink?”

Will shook his head, gently slapping his hands on the tops of his thighs. “N-no! I’m good! I’m good, thank you.”

The actress chuckled at his politeness. “Okay,” she replied, setting the flower in an empty vase that held minimal water; but it would do for now. She then proceeded to lead Will outside, shutting the door behind the two of them. “There’s a coffee shop right by my place, if you’re up to go?”

“I told you I wasn’t thirsty,” he said in an artificial bummed-out tone, then cracked a grin.

“Yep,” Y/N said shortly. “That performance was worth an Oscar,” she inquired, laughing.

Once they arrived, Will pulled the door open and let her through first, then following after her.

He put his hand in his pocket, fingers grazing his wallet as his date gazed at the menu. How did he convince Y/N to hang out with him? She was everything he had expected her to be; the good without the bad, it seemed. She was talented yet humble.

People often say the same about Will, too.

“Everything looks good,” Y/N piped up, gazing at the extensive menu.

Will couldn’t help himself. “Including you.” He stumbled over awkwardness, but it didn’t make him refrain from telling her how attractive he found her. “You look beautiful.”

A rush of blood went to the actress’s face. “Stop...” she mumbled, silently hoping he wouldn’t. Butterflies erupted in her stomach.

“I mean it,” Will inquired, a smile playing on his shapely lips. “Everyone with eyes can tell.”

Blushing, she gave her order as well as Will did and left the store with their drinks.

“Shit,” he mumbled, coffee in his mouth. “This is good.”

“Right?“ she asked.

Then, she saw a bright flash from the corner of her eye. No, she must have dreamt it. Could this really be happening? Now?

Another bright flash, and this time she heard the camera’s click.

Will could visibly see her uncomfortability and reached down for her hand.

“They’re never gonna stop twisting stories, so let ‘em talk,” he smiled and Y/N squeezed it.

She never imagined being this relaxed with someone, even when he was inviting for rumors to be created by holding her hand. However, this time was different. She realized that having people think her and Will were in a relationship wasn’t such a bad thing.

[curtisandlewis]

This is an experiment. I want to write the acts of intimacy I’m the most comfortable with and enjoy writing. I also want to be as historically accurate and true to Dean and Jerry’s character as possible while no longer writing abusive behaviors I have relied on in the past. I started writing fanfiction because I wanted to depict Dean and Jerry in a sexual relationship that was filled with love and relied on the utmost respect for one another just as their partnership in real life did. I hope I have done that. 

As told by Dean in first person

Why haven’t we fucked yet? You’re probably asking yourself. Well, it’s complicated. When I met Jerry he was sixteen and pretty innocent. Yeah, I know it’s hard to believe. I rubbed up against him while we were laying on my bed as guys do and the Kid had no fuckin’ clue what I was doin’ He hadn’t even heard of guy stuff before that. It was like finding out he was an untouched virgin (which he most certainly wasn’t) I couldn’t treat him like any guy after that. I moved so slowly on top of him that the bed didn’t move. Even when we took our clothes off I kept the same pace. A slow drag of my cock against his. I didn’t tell him at the time but it was better than anything I had experienced sexually before. It took us a solid hour to get there but when it happened it was like coming for the first time. I never knew it could feel that good. Getting there was my favorite part because I could just stare at the boy’s beautiful face. That was the first time I had sex with a man. Before that, I had only ever dry humped a guy. I did a lot of things with Jerry I never did with a man. He was the first guy to ever kiss me, The first guy to give me a blow job and it’s true he really does love his work (He did it all the time for this guy who skipped town named Tony), His was the first cock I touched that wasn’t my own. I don’t know maybe it’s because he was Jewish but his just looked so much more inviting. I wouldn’t normally say this about another guy but he’s got an absolutely gorgeous cock. We weren’t doing guy stuff because I kissed him and touched him... a lot. You were only supposed to dry hump for instance and make small talk but never get really into it. I was having sex with Jer and I really didn’t give a fuck. On his eighteenth birthday, we finally made that bed move and Jer discovered he could be on top. Fuck guy stuff. By that age, I could see Jerry as a man and no longer an innocent boy. He was married and about to be a father and that made me feel a lot more comfortable around him. We had the time of our lives in motel rooms and bathroom stalls when we would run into each other. When Jerry turned twenty we were partners and in each other’s company every day. The sex was incredible. He was so inventive. I remember him saying “I think I’m flexible enough” and boy was he ever. I don’t think I could ever find a broad who could move like him. As satisfying as the sex was Jerry told me he wanted more from it. He wanted me to fuck him. If you were to ask me “do you want to fuck Jerry?” I would reply YES. How good would that feel? Are ya kiddin’ How fun would that be especially with how wild Jer is in the sack? Guys fucked all the time it would almost be weird for me not to want to. Besides, I wouldn’t really be fucking a man this was Jerry we were talking about. However, there were complications. 

Jerry was worried about it hurting the first time. He had homosexual friends and they said when they did it the first time it felt like a knife. That really freaked Jerry out but they did say there were positions that we could try to make it easier and the more stuff we did before the actual fucking the better. Jerry was basically fingering himself when he was alone and he wanted me to start playing with his ass. I had fingered women...kind of. The truth was I didn’t do much before fucking. Usually, I’d just go from her pussy to her ass and most of the time we didn’t need lube. I doubt many of them were virgins. I should have played with Jer. I got freaked out we were following the advice of homosexuals and I lied to Jerry that I would start playing with him when the mood felt right. In the meantime, I came up with the compromise that I would dry hump his ass and we would pretend we were fucking. That felt like coming for the first time. I had no fuckin’ clue why we hadn’t just started with that. I think it really helped that Jer was so comfortable and in touch with his body and also knew exactly what he wanted sexually. I could just stand against the wall and he would just completely work me over. It was so beautiful watching the way his body moved. He was so free. I never knew anyone like him. We tried so many positions. My favorite was when we started dry humping face to face and when I got close I would flip Jer over and finish that way. He liked that one too. Jer being the upstanding man he is realized I wasn’t comfortable with fucking or the stuff you do before fucking. He told me if I needed more time that was okay and if we never did it that was okay too. What we were doing felt just fine. To use Jerry’s favorite word for two years we played and played and played. I was in heaven until that guy named Tony walked into our lives.

Tony was an actor like us and he was Jerry’s...boyfriend... He was Jerry’s first boyfriend. It turns out Jerry was a homosexual before I met him. I guess that’s why he had so many homosexual friends. He wasn’t like any homosexual I had known. He was deeply in love with his wife and had a deep love of sex with women. I saw him having sex with women. He really blossomed in ‘48 we had three ways and four ways. He loved pussy and could go down on a broad for hours. I would play with him to keep myself entertained. It really helped knowing that Jer could pass so easily for straight. I was still anxious because Jerry was in love with me. He could love a man like he loved a woman and that’s what made him different from me. I realized that Jerry was still Jerry and I still wanted to kiss and hold him even when we weren’t having sex. He was my partner and best friend and I didn’t want to let anything jeopardize that. 

What fucked my life over was that when Tony humped Jerry’s ass HE GAVE IT TO HIM HARD. I watched them do it and it was nothing like what I had been doing to Jer for the last two years. I felt I had to compete and for the first time really put forth effort in bed. Maybe it was Tony’s youth but I don’t know how he could go that hard and do it again and again and again. I nearly threw my back out! Not only that I indulged Jerry’s every desire (within reason). That’s a full time job and I gave him all the romance Tony couldn’t give to him. I was the one he was in love with after all. I thought I was doin’ pretty good then Jerry told me after they humped (apparently Jerry was humping Tony’s ass too...) Tony sucked his cock. I wanted to rip Tony’s fucking head off so he could never do that again. I was surprised by my reaction. It made perfect sense. They used to suck each other when they were dating and I bet Jerry was pretty damn hard to resist if you were willing to do that sort of act. It just ate me alive that he could do something for Jerry that I couldn’t. 

We started having three ways and that helped a lot. Knowing exactly what Tony and Jerry did and that I could be a part of it. Tony was so smug he taught me how to ride Jerry’s ass. Literally, he put his hands on me and guided my body to move in the ways Jerry needed. Now I could completely work over Jerry. Even though I am very lazy in the sack and just want to lie there. You would want to just lie there if you had someone who could ride you like Jerry. There were a lot of things I couldn’t do for Jerry because I wasn’t a homosexual. I couldn’t suck him and I couldn’t let him get anywhere near my ass. These were things that Tony could do. There was nothing Tony couldn’t do in bed or on the floor or any object he had Jerry bent over. I was pretty confident that I was keeping Jerry entertained. Our sex life was exhausting but I was pretty sure Jerry was excited and deeply satisfied by it. Especially, when I started beating his ass. So much work. And people wonder why I take so many naps. 

Jerry was very open and honest with me about what he did with Tony and I was deeply thankful for that. I didn’t even feel jealous when he said Tony was doing all that stuff to his ass that would make fucking easier. Jerry confided in me that he was very happy they could explore his body in this way. I had made my peace that they would be fucking soon. I never thought Jerry would be the one doing the fucking. I couldn’t keep my cool when he told me. I was pretty mean. I think I called him a whore...I just couldn’t understand how it could be possible. He was such a slut for being on the bottom and now he was top? YOU CAN’T BE BOTH. I thought I knew everything about him but maybe I knew nothing. Once Tony fucked him there was nothing left for them to do. They did every sex act and performed every role. It was all just a matter of positions and combinations from that point. My sweet sixteen year old had been replaced by a sex crazed homosexual. I couldn’t handle it.

A lot of shit went down. I got divorced and remarried, Patti was mad at me and that created problems for Jerry. And Jerry spent all his time with Tony. I was scared for the first time in my life.

Jerry sat me down God bless him and we talked for hours and hours. I never want to talk that much ever again but everything needed to be said. Jerry told me he wasn’t a homosexual and he wasn’t straight. There was this thing called the Kinsey scale and he was usually somewhere in the middle. He hadn’t been with as nearly as many men as he had been with women but his desire for men and women changed a lot. It could swing from exclusively heterosexual all the way to homosexual but the possibility was always there that he could be with both. Then he said that Tony didn’t always see it as being attracted to men or women but being attracted to femininity and masculinity and that made a lot of sense to Jerry. My head was spinning by the time He said he was this word they used back in the fucking 1800’s bisexual. Because he was bisexual and not homosexual or heterosexual none of the categories applied to him. He could be BOTH top and bottom. Jerry continued saying he enjoyed that type of sex and had it with Tony often and wasn’t going to stop. If that wasn’t enough to make me sick Jerry said he was BOTH masculine and feminine but still a MAN. He was dominant AND submissive. Jerry literally defied all categorization. I remember how resolute he looked as he told me, “I don’t have to follow any of your rules.” 

I couldn’t understand any of it. I didn’t even know how to feel. I was anxious and angry. I couldn’t believe Jerry thought he was so damn special that he didn’t have to live by the rules that the rest of society lived by. Then I thought wasn’t that what attracted me to him in the first place. Yes, I was attracted to Jerry. I could have dry humped any guy but I chose him because he wasn’t like any guy I had ever seen before. Jerry was incredibly masculine despite his appearance and loved to dominate both in and out of the bedroom. He was also soft and feminine and oh so willing to be of service. Jerry was ALL of the categories and yet none of them at the same time. In much the same way he radiated innocence but I knew he was my little slut. Sex was to be had without shame. I used to love that about him. Didn’t I look at him in awe that night we both discovered he could ride me? I didn’t call him a whore then. Why was I so angry at Jerry for being Jerry? I knew the truth. I wanted to be the one to fuck him and suck him. I wanted to be the one who could give him everything he wanted.     

[samdukewieland]

Stuck Inside Media Diary Week 4

On my birthday I made a 100 song playlist for myself with the criteria of choosing my Top 20 favorite bands/musicians, five songs from their catalog-preferably only one song per album-and that was it. This was part-exercise-part-how-do-I-celebrate-myself-and-my-excellently-unique-tastes-on-the-one-day-this-is-allowed. I had already gone through the painstakingly unasked for “challenge” of whittling down of a Top 5 for a project in college and it’s gone unchanged in the past four years, and being the way that I am, I am generally always considering what the Top 10 would be. Anything beyond Top 10 is egregious, but because I was deeply unsatisfied with a 25 song playlist, I just kept going until I settled on 20 and 100. 

It then dawned on me (I couldn’t sleep that night, BIRTHDAY JITTERS and all that) afterwards that this is technically a list of what I’d consider to be the top 100 songs and that was just all wrong. I love every song on that playlist; I chose obvious songs and I chose obscure deep cuts that would make yer average me chuckle and say “heh, that one huh?” But if I were asked to make a list of the 100 greatest songs ever recorded, I don’t think I could leave off something like “Hey Jude” (The Beatles) or “Wonderful World” (Sam Cooke) or “The Champ” (Ghostface Killah) and yet I did. What a dweeb.

Sunday, April 12

Starship Troopers, Verhoeven 1997

Listen, I love Paul Verhoeven. This is my least favorite Paul Verhoeven movie and it’s still incredible. And it’s a me issue too (though, I’m not taking all the blame here-this obvious issues here are that there’s no good actor here besides Michael Ironside, Jake Busey and Neil Patrick Harris), though I think that’s part of the point of it. Or at the very least there’s been enough revisionist history and nostalgia slapped onto this thing that Denise Richards gets a pass-“well yeh, she’s bad on purpose” they’ll say; this movie is lemonade.

Three Busy Debras, “Sleepover!”

Probably the biggest difference between Three Busy Debras and Stella (which is what Three Busy Debras reminds me of the most) is that Stella was so unconcerned about saying anything about anything. This is not a knock on Debras, not in the least bit, but that’s ultimately what I landed on when I was thinking about the two next to each other. Three Busy Debras is very good and very, very funny and reminds me of one of my favorite television comedies to ever exist.

Beef House, “Boro”

When I went and saw Tim And Eric’s live tour back in January they were going to show the first episode of Beef House after the main show, but then they surprised us by having John C. Reilly come out as Steve Brule and do a bit with an audience member for like 15 minutes, probably less time. Watch Beef House if you like Tim and Eric, but you already know that if you do.

Joe Pera Talks With You, “Joe Pera Lights Up The Night With You”, “Joe Pera Talks to You About the Rat Wars of Alberta, Canada (1950–Present Day)”

At this point you can tell that I probably just turned on Adult Swim after finishing Starship Troopers and just kept it on, because a Sunday night on Adult Swim is the only thing that could rival an HBO Sunday night. Alright, so I had only ever seen one episode of Joe Pera Talks With You before these two episodes and I liked it fine, but didn’t have great context for it and was probably just not in a great headspace for it. Sure, I liked it fine back when I had watched that episode, but I was not motivated to continue watching it and I didn’t. Until this particular night. I know for sure that I’ll be writing more about it next week, so I’m just going to say now that this makes for incredible “watch before bed” programming.

Mad Men, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” [Series Premier]

And thus the great Mad Men re-watch has begun. I’ve only watched this all the way through once and that’s when I got caught up on the DVDs for season 4 back was when I was in high school. This pilot is one of the most pilot-y pilots I’ve seen/re-watched in a long while, and maybe it’s so glaring to me because of what I studied in college and how I just generally spend a lot of my time as a person. But it’s a very old fashioned pilot, maybe the last prestige TV classical pilot? You just don’t see very many shows now that have their first episode be as thirsty for another shot as this one is. Not bad, but more just very in your face.

Monday, April 13

Rashomon, Kurosawa 1950 [this might be available on Criterion-I just DVR’d it]

Baby’s first Kurosawa. This one has really stuck with me, just in its simplicity in telling a story and I’m going to stop talking about it here, one because like we really need another 26-year-old white dude talking about Akira Kurosawa movies and two, should I continue to talk about this movie, I will turn even more into what I hate and who I consider to be my arch-enemies: the film school kids.

Parks And Recreation, “Rock Show” [Season 1 finale]

Whenever I start a Parks re-watch, I always start with “Rock Show.” It’s now just in full fledged Simpsons territory that I wouldn’t be able to tell you how many times I’ve seen certain episodes and that it is incredibly comforting to watch where I can turn off brain while watching, but know exactly when to start re-paying attention because of jokes I like. I don’t know when it’ll be as recognized as The Simpsons (maybe it never will be?) or seen as the true predecessor, but it’ll feel good once it does. Though if there’s a show that demonstrated how irrelevant recognition for hard work was, it was Parks.

Tuesday, April 14

The Wicker Man, Hardy 1973 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

I feel confident that I’ve lied to friends of mine about having seen this movie. Pretty easy to do, considering it’s a pretty straight forward story and you can get by with saying stuff like “I mean yeh, it’s just like a pretty fucked up movie.” And it is! on both accounts. Though I guess not as unsettling as I figured it would be, but as soon as the animal masks come out I did get squirmy. That and choir singing folk music with vaguely disturbing lyrics juxtaposed over not totally right images-it’s like the opposite feeling when someone uses “Perfect Day” too ironically.

Better Call Saul, “Bad Choice Road”

Kim. Wexler. I guess what I love about Vince Gilligan is that he zags (though zagging in this case is kind of old fashioned) and saves his big thing to happen for a season’s finale and not the penultimate episode. But he doesn’t rob you of a wild penultimate episode either-just kind of nice and takes confidence.

Parks And Recreation, “Pawnee Zoo”

Wednesday, April 15

Obvious Child, Robespierre 2014 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

Got sick Wednesday night, ralphed twice!, and needed something I absolutely didn’t have to think about. I had started watching this probably like a year and a half ago in a waiting room while my mom was getting some kind of dental procedure done and had never picked it back up after putting 20 minutes down. It’s good, though I think it resonates better for other people than it did with me, but that’s no knock. Loved very dialed in Gaby Hoffmann and it feels like Max Silvestri mighta supposed to originally have the Jake Lacy part, but Jake Lacy is contractually obligated to play this sort of part whenever it is written into existence every year or so. Tough break.

Parks And Recreation, “The Stake Out”

Thursday, April 16

Targets, Bogdanovich 1968

I caught this recommendation from....I think Matt Singer on twitter and also @nextontcm​ (which is a first tier twitter follow) and man, this thing is great! I forgot that Bogdanovich comes from the Roger Corman school of directing, but ole Rog doesn’t let you forget with this one. It’s a movie I would imagine Steven Soderbergh really likes (and I say that, because The Limey is the only other movie that I know of that uses another movie’s footage in reference to one of the characters in the movie-like I’m sure there’s other, I haven’t seen every movie, leave me alone). TCM’s apparently doing a podcast series on Bogdanovich, which is kind of weird, but he did a short interview with Ben Mankiewicz afterwards and it was hilarious, because surprising no one, Peter Bogdanovich really doesn’t give a shit about what he says anymore.

Top Chef, Season 17 episode 5

This was the first time in Jen’s Top Chef career where she didn’t fall victim to the yips, which shows progress. But it’s also helping make the case that Jen Carroll might be the worst evaluated draftee in all of Top Chef? That sounds harsh, and I have no doubt that Jen Carroll is phenomenal, this just doesn’t seem to be her strength; there’s no rule that says competitive people have to always be good at what they get competitive about.

Mad Men, “Ladies Room”, “Marriage Of Figaro”

It’s weird seeing Don not as partner, but just a dude who’s really good at his job that people respect, but is also not in charge of everything and doesn’t aspire to be in charge of everything. Though not without trying to be in control of everything. I haven’t watched this since I was in high school, so I’ve both forgotten a lot of stuff and also just like know more about life and characters and didn’t realize how sad of a character Pete is. Man, Vincent Karheiser really doesn’t get enough credit for how good he is as Pete Campbell, a character who could’ve easily been just another Christopher Moltisanti (full disclosure: Christopher is in contention for favorite Sopranos character) and is so much sadder in a different way. 

However, I’m still just dumb guy, and maybe that’s not the complete reason, but there’s some Betty stuff that is just like not very interesting. I think if they had gone down an avenue of “let’s try and radicalize her with Kennedy” story, that would’ve worked better than other stuff, but I don’t know. Betty’s complicated! But that she has to be the character that bridges Glen’s story to the main one is incredibly detrimental.

Friday, April 17

Parks And Recreation, “Beauty Pagent”

Brooklyn Nine-Nine, “Ransom”

Every season needs at least one Cheddar episode. This is not at all a controversial opinion, but it’s worth saying out loud in case anyone thought differently.

Big Night, Scott & Tucci 1995 [as of now this is available on Amazon Prime]

When Ian Holm isn’t running away with this, Isabella Rossellini (Big Beef and Cheddar in hand) is and when Isabella Rossellini isn’t running away with this, Minnie Driver is and when Minnie Driver isn’t running away with this, Tucci and Sheloub just keep passing it back and forth to each other while Liev Schreiber just silently stares at them from afar. This is a fantastic way to spend a Friday evening.

Mad Men, “New Amsterdam”, “5G”

Saturday, April 18

Parks And Recreation, “Practice Date”, “Sister City”, “Kaboom”

“Practice Date” is the first “modern” episode of Parks. “Sister City” feels like one they had drafted for S1 and just couldn’t figure out how to get it in there (it’s definitely not a bad episode, but it feels way more like steps backward than forward). “Kaboom” is a wonderfully silly episode and a great debut for Aisha Muharrar (who is a Tier 1 Parks writer-please don’t ask me to rank them).

Defiance, Zwick 2008 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

I had never watched this movie, because in the back of my head I’ve always suspected it would be real dumb and bad, because a WWII movie with Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber, on paper, should be something people talk about more, but nah, this thing’s real dumb and bad. But not even fun-bad, just forgettable bad. It’s dumb-guy-Munich. 

Mad Men, “Babylon”, “Red In The Face”, “The Hobo Code”, “Shoot”

The Dick Whitman childhood really suffers from Al Swearengen just having a much better “raised by whores” story and also you can tell that Matthew Weiner thinks he’s doing important work by writing this stuff. And not to sound like a blog from 2007-2015, but Rachel really was the perfect match for Draper, holy shit. It’s also this stretch of episodes where Peggy starts to shine and Elizabeth Moss is definitely someone I take for granted, because I don’t really have to think about how good she is, because I know she’s good, but man she is really good at playing Peggy Olson. What an MVP.

[asseret-sarim]

You’re beautiful - (Bucky x Reader One Shot)

This awesome idea was requested by @melconnor2007 !

Summary: Dating one of the hottest men on earth is incredible, specially since Sebastian is so loving and caring. Unfortunately, your self-steem problems go way back, and you just can’t imagine why exactly is he dating you... And neither can a gossip magazine, apparently.

Y/N: your name

Warnings: self esteem issues

A/N: I loved this idea, and I really hope you like it!! It’s a very interesting perspective to write. If you’re reading this, tell me the objet that is closer to your right hand and is not your phone/computer (I’m just curious about how many people actually read this). Hope you enjoy!

Y/N’s POV:

My makeup is spread all over the sink in a colorful mess of labels promising clear skin, a wonderful glow and a beautiful face. I look at myself in the mirror, wondering if I will ever be like the women smiling at me from the plastic tubes and boxes.

I examine my face closely: my acne had a party all over my face last night, what explains the bags under my eyes of a deep shade of purple. I look down at my puffy silhouette, covered on stretch marks and little scars. I’m a collection of everything society deems ugly nowadays.

I feel a presence behind me and look up to see Sebastian’s reflection on the mirror kissing my cheek. “Good morning babe” he smiles as he starts moving a few of my makeup products aside to make space for himself on the sink.

“Good morning” I try to smile, but it comes out like a grimace.

Seb looks at me disapprovingly. “What are you thinking?” he asks, gazing over the magazine I’m clasping. “‘How to be hot in ten steps.’” he reads out loud “Y/N, we’ve talked about this.” He arches an eyebrow until I look at my feet. Then I hear the sound of plastic being pushed aside and a set of strong hands wrap around my waist and hoist me up, setting me on the sink.

Seb positions himself between my legs and smiles at me. “You’re absolutely perfect, Y/N. You need to stop beating yourself up like that” he touches a finger to the tip of my nose, making me laugh. I lean in for a kiss but he puts a finger over my lips. “I’m serious. Promise me.”

“I promise you.” I whisper against his finger, and then I feel his lips twist into a smile as they collide against mine in a warm, loving kiss.

When he pulls away and untangles my legs from his waist, he’s still smiling. “Thank you.” he whispers back, and offers me his hand to jump off the sink. “I have to go to the gym now, babe. I’ll be back very soon and then we have…”

“The interview for that gossip magazine. I know.” I hug him tightly, and smile against his chest when I hear him gasp for air. “I love you”

“I love you too, She-Hulk.” he laughs, massaging his ribs. “See you later!”

After a while, I storm out of the bathroom in a cloud of compact powders and frustration. After about three thousand YouTube tutorials and beauty hacks, I’ve arrived to the conclusion that my face cannot be fixed.

I head over to the kitchen to get some breakfast, but it only takes me five minutes to burn the eggs. “You can’t even fry an egg you completely useless idiot…” I muter to myself as I take a bottled smoothie out of the fridge.

I hear a ding from my phone and head to the living room, expecting it to be a message from Seb. As I turn it on, I see that the notification is from a new article of a gossip magazine I’m subscribed to. I click on it and look outside while it charges, but when I read the title and see the first photos, my breath abandons me.

“Sebastian Stan, as hot as always, has finally decided to relate with people of his category”

The article is accompanied of photos of my boyfriend working out at the gym, surrounded by a group of gorgeous women. I find myself reading it with tears steaming down my cheeks.

“Sebastian Stan, our favorite celebrity and official Hottest Man on Earth (at least according to us), has finally decided to ditch his girlfriend in favor of a group of beautiful woman that definitely suit him better!

Seb was photographed this morning in the gym, surrounded by a few very famous models. Of course, the internet has gone wild, ready to ship the next Perfect Celebrity Couple. Is the actor finally going to go out with someone who is at his level? We hope so!

Even though his breakup with Y/N, his current (ex)girlfriend, hasn't been confirmed yet, everyone is waiting for it. It was about time for him to end the relationship, a relationship we’ve never been in favor of. You can only see Y/N’s face a certain amount of times without wondering why doesn’t she get a plastic surgery.

While we await for the next Perfect Celebrity Couple, we would love to know your opinions on the subject. Who will Sebastian choose as his next girlfriend?”

When I arrive to the end of the article, I barely have energy to turn off the phone and lie on the sofa. I’m conscious Seb has never actually flirted with any of the models (It’s pretty obvious in the pictures that they were all oblivious to each other) and he would never dump me. But that’s the problem. He would never ditch me, much less like this, but he is gorgeous, and nice, and famous; and I’m… Well, Y/N. In any case, not good enough for him.

I have to leave him.

I search for my energy and manage to get up and go to my room. Once in there, everything’s easier: all I have to do is put my stuff inside the suitcase and ignore the sharp stabs of pain in my chest. Warm tears are steaming down my face, my breath is short and sharp. I won’t look back. I can’t look back. I have to do this for him.

When the suitcase is full, I try to close it, but I’m clearly not strong enough. All of a sudden, I feel two strong arms wrapping around me from my back and then closing the suitcase for me.

“Where are you off to, babe?” a scruffy voice I recognize all too well whispers at my ear.

I breathe in. I wasn’t planing on having to deal with this face to face. I turn around slowly, only to find myself inches away from Seb’s face, his piercing blue eyes formulating the question for him.

“I’m leaving, Sebastian. Don’t call me babe, we’re not a thing anymore” I tell him, avoiding his eyes. He looks confused for a second, so I take advantage on it and slide out of his arms. I try to pull my suitcase from under his hands, but he reacts and holds it down strongly.

“What have I done?” he asks, softly and with an utterly confused look on his face.

“It’s not abut you, it’s about me”

He is quiet for a few seconds before asking “Are you cheating on me?”

“What? No! I would never do that!”

“Then why is this about you?”

I look at him in the eye. I should have lied about cheating. Now I can’t think of a good excuse.

“Y/N?”

“Because… Because I hate you!” I scream, my brain grasping the first excuse it finds. “I hate you for… being so perfect. For being the ‘Hottest Man on Earth’, the man everyone wants to date. The oscar-winer actor. The man that couldn’t be any nicer or sweeter. The perfect boyfriend. I hate you for that, for being the perfect boyfriend, and I curse the day I fell for you, the day I decided to be your girlfriend!” I sob and sit on the bed, hiding my face in my hands.

I expect to feel his arms wrap around me, but they never do. After a few minutes of silence, Sebastian calls me again.

“Y/N…”

I look up to see him on the other side of the room, holding my phone. He must have read the article. Good, that way he’ll realize he needs someone better than me. He mumbles angrily under his breath.

“Y/N, please don't read this articles. They are written by a jealous hand, and all they contains is poison. Fake poison.” he crosses the room and sits next to me. “They aren’t true, they just want to hurt you.” he presses his finger to the tip of my nose and I hit his hand away. “There’s only one reason I’m dating you, Y/N.”

This gets my attention. I sit up and look at him. “Why?”

“Because you’re the only person I’m madly in love with. You’re beautiful, even more than those models” he pulls a stray hair being my ear. “And I’m not saying this to make you feel better. To my eyes, you’re way prettier than them, way more real.”

“I’m ugly, Sebastian.”

He laughs. “No you’re not, honey. They’re the ugly ones, the fake ones. You’re Y/N, the only woman I’ll ever consider impeccably beautiful. I promise i’m speaking the truth.”

I want to believe him, but I don’t know if I should. I look at the suitcase laying on the bed. Sebastian seems to read my thoughts, because he gently turns my head to him, two fingers under my chin, and looks at me in the eye, those two blue beauties searching through my soul.

“You’re really leaving me because you think I deserve something better?” he whispers, inches away from my face. My breath gets caught in my lungs. “Let me make that decision, Y/N.”

I can’t think clearly due to his proximity. “And what have you decided?”

“I’m exactly where I want to be” he whispers back, seconds before his lips crash into mine.

[thatkrazymann]

Throw a Watching to your Witcher.

So it has come to pass, another Netflix Drama series: The Witcher. For those unfamiliar, this new venture comes courtesy of one Andrzej Sapkowski, a polish writer best known for (drum roll please…) The Witcher series! The Witcher is a kind of dark fantasy series, like Lord of the Rings if it caught a venereal disease from a prostitute and also had an old, nagging injury from some old battle, like say, an arrow to the knee? The Witcher follows the adventures, or misadventures, of one Geralt of Rivia, a Witcher, as he travels the lands seeking to just live his life and do what he can to survive. If you are unfamiliar, a Witcher is a monster hunter, not a witch hunter, who has extraordinary abilities that have been granted to them via a forced mutation, they’ve basically been created to be roam the lands and kill various monstrosities for coin. But let’s get to the point, is Netflix’s The Witcher any good? I have played one of the games, read the books, seen the show(which apparently not all reviewers could be bothered to do but hey, why bother to fully work on something you’re paid for right?!) and after consuming all that media, I can’t say I’m totally a fan, but I can say that the show does indeed make for an entertaining watch for newcomers, and it’s at least better than season 8 of Game of Thrones so there’s a win right there.

As I have said, I’m not a devoted fan of The Witcher, I played the Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt, I couldn’t really play the others because I don’t have a PC. I was interested in reading the books after playing the game and found them intriguing and a nice change of place. But with both the game and the books, I found myself really searching for a starting point which didn’t really exist. The show does actually have a much stronger jumping off point, giving the viewer a good baseline for the series to continuously build around. That’s not to say that it doesn’t have some issues and problems, especially to a newcomer I’m sure. There were plenty of times where I took a trip to the wiki page for clarification or to just understand what some character had said that everyone seemed to think was important, and there are still things that I’m not sure the significance of. The Witcher does succeed at doing some pretty good world building, the monsters and magic system are especially well thought out, though a little hard to grasp. But you can really see that care has gone into this series, the team behind the camera, and indeed the team in front of the camera, really do care about this world and the story that is being told, which is rare for a Netflix series I feel.

*Spoiler town ahead so if you want to know what I feel overall, jump to the end!* 

If we want to talk gripes, I have a few but let’s start positive first, this is a rich story! There are so many things going on and multiple layers (like an onion) and the show really doesn’t stumble over itself too badly. A few things that did trip me up was the beginning of Yennefer’s story, why she sucked and then didn’t suck with magic, the girls who turned into eels for what feels like a test, etc. There were some minor quibbles but as the story progressed the true depth of each of the characters shone though. Now, acting wise, I didn’t think I would like Henry Cavill as Geralt of Rivia, I can’t really tell you why, I guess because I just couldn’t see his face as a Geralt but he has a strong opening performance that only gets better the more we see him. Henry is obviously the actor that has read the books beforehand and absolutely loves them, and that pays dividends. I’m not sure if he did all his own fight choreography but man, it looks like he did and during those moments his love for the character shines through in the most minute of details. While I don’t see the same love for their characters as I do from Henry, Anya Chalotra’s portrayal of Yenefer is amazing. The fact that she manages to play Yenefer with a literal crookedness about her before casting that aside shows just how great she is. Anya does a great job owning many of her scenes but I feel like the character kind of stopped getting understandable character development after she met Geralt and her actions become increasingly more contrived. The side actors are all pretty decent, some kind of phone it in, knowing they’re in a fantasy setting where they can say “fuck” repeatedly and not have it seem out of place, while some play to their strengths and deliver really good nuanced performances, although the Ciri storyline has got to be up there for most useless storyline around. Hardly anything answered and really not much gained besides having her occasionally see that everyone sucks in the “real” world.

A weird but for me, ultimately pretty charming aspect of the series that may or may not be a deal breaker for you is the fact that the whole series is told a little out of order. It’s not as tricky to follow as Westworld, but it does make you do some work, and you know what? That’s fine! Working to discover something is kind of a nice feeling, especially when your guesses come true, even halfway so. It doesn’t block everything off behind this grand, final reveal , it just feels a little odd to be seeing events and have characters refer to passages of time in large blocks. The Witcher also succeeds in this by making sure that if you didn’t pick up on some or all of the hints, you don’t feel like a dummy, something which Westworld had no shame beating into me. I certainly think it could’ve been a little more complex with its narrative structure and I know a large group of reviewers and viewers will moan about how it’s unnecessary and that they just want to watch something and turn their mind off and enjoy but you know what? Art isn’t an anesthetic, it’s not supposed to lull you in and put you asleep, it’s supposed to tell something that gets your brain jogging, and while this isn’t a jog, it is a brisk pace for the brain.

Now, time for some proper looking at what may not in fact be too great with The Witcher series and there are certainly a couple things. As I previously said, the Ciri storyline feels very superfluous to me. We don’t learn much beyond the fact that she’s some kind of kid who harbours ancient, primal, magic, which sounds cool until you realize that there’s no payoff for that. Shit never goes down. Sure, Ciri screams and trees blow down, stuff happens but it doesn’t affect the world, I don’t care about that as much as I feel like I should. The Ciri storyline I feel could’ve been saved for the opener of the next season, to show and fill us in on what happened to her between the beginning and end of the first season, then you can throw away as many characters as you want. Dragging her story out without any payoff feels incredibly lacklustre. Another problems is in fact something that I did touch on as saying it was good, the side characters. While the acting involved is good for the most part, I don’t find myself caring about any of them Sure, a couple of them are good and memorable, but on the whole? They all feel like they don’t serve a grander purpose. Whenever characters reappear, they still haven’t changed much and it feels like using them to hide little bits into the hidden narrative layer would’ve been the way to go. The exception to this is Jaskier, who is always brilliant but also helps to give us, the viewer, a character we can relate with who actually does things in this world that change and affect others. It’s disappointing that even my favourite side characters for their amazing acting, like Stregobor, Tissaia, Mousesack, and Calanthe, never really bring something into the fold that I feel gives weight to the narrative, which brings us to my final complaint. The story feels a little dry and meandering, and while that can be acceptable for some episodes and others do help give a better view of the narrative, the episodes toward the end just really bumble about. Geralt hunting monsters or interacting with royalty is interesting and telling, watching Geralt have some kind of fever dream not so much, even if the fever dream is very emotional. Same with Yenefer, when she’s learning magic and fighting off assassin’s and interacting with Geralt? A+, good going, conversely, whining about wanting a choice that SHE made and saying she wants to take it back because she was forced to make it? Not so much. Worse than that, she goes on to protect what she wants to burn down for really no reason that I can gather. Things are interesting but also tedious with her and the world she inhabits.

So, at the end of all this, what are my feelings on the show? Should you watch it? YES! Absolutely. There’re only a couple things issues and they’re all pretty minor in comparison to other shows. The writing and pacing is a little sporadic and while the acting on the whole is good, with the except that some of the minor actors phone it in so they can say “fuck” in the same sentence as saying “the elves” or “butcher of Blaviken”, then you’ll be fine. Sure, a lot of those characters have weird motives or no motives and people bitch and complain about things that I really don’t think is relevant but that’s fine. My two biggest gripes are with a lot of the characters just being absolutely unlikable for the sake nothing or something I don’t understand, even after delving into the wiki, and the Ciri plot which could’ve been touched upon in the season 2 premier and it would’ve had more weight. The acting is fairly rock solid with notable love going out for Henry Cavill, Anya Chalotra, Joey Batey, and Anna Shaffer. The fight choreography is some of the best I’ve seen and I really hope some kind of behind the scenes look at that is shown. So, all-in-all, I’d say a 7/10 to 7.5/10, and since a lot of people will generally think that’s bad, I’ll add this: I’m definitely gonna rewatch The Witcher, probably 2 more times (despite the “Netflix drama time commitment”) and I don’t think I’ll be bored or won’t enjoy myself! Give it a watch and let me know what you think!

[fanfictionbeginagain]

Chapter Twenty-Two

As April rolled around I became far more focused on fashion than I ever had been before.

Richard had been invited to the season seven premier of Game of Thrones and he wanted me and Robb to come with him. Knowing how much that would mean to Robb I had instantly agreed without really thinking much about the implications to me.

But then I realized that it would be the first time Richard and myself were stepping out as a couple together. And not only that, we were doing it on the red carpet, so I had to look amazing in front of all those photographers.

“I’ve got no idea what to wear.” I fretted as I sat flicking through the I-Pad.

Beezus was a big help in helping me choose my outfit as she had already chosen hers being that she too was invited to the premier. Bree was also a big help because she had been to a few red carpet events and knew how to accessorize.

“You’ve got great legs. You need to show them off.” Said Beezus, “Kit’s always telling me to wear shorter dresses and my legs aren’t nearly as great as yours.”

With that in mind I had chosen a dress from the satinee collection, it was a black strapless little number with a pink floral design. That had been the easy part, now I had find shoes and jewellery to go with it.

Bree helped me choose the shoes, a pair of Jimmy Choo Anouk Mesh and Lace Pumps that were flesh coloured with a floral design on them. I thought they matched the dress and Bree told me that they would make my legs look longer.

The jewellery had been an absolute disaster. When I had seen the prices of what jewellery was on offer, I had nearly a heart attack at the mere thought of wearing any of it. So Bree had taken the I-Pad and chosen for me.

“Alright, so I chose a pair of Hanut Singh earrings called ‘the tree of life’ they’ll match your dress.” She told me, “And because you need some bling-bling I got you an eighteen karat gold pink lotus diamond ring.”

“Just don’t tell me how much it cost.” I said simply, unable to take the thought of wearing something that cost more than twenty dollars, like the rest of my jewellery.

                                                          …

The 23rd of April rolled around and Bee and myself spent the day getting manicures in preparation of the event that night.

“Are you nervous?” she asked as we sat there having our feet scrubbed.

“A little.” I told her “I’m a little concerned about people taking pictures of me. I hope I look good.”

“Don’t worry, they hardly even notice us. Its all about the stars.” She told me.

“I’m also a little nervous about how Robb will behave.” I revealed.

“He’s a great kid. I’m sure he will be fine.” She assured me.

She had a point. I was going to be able to keep a close eye on him most of the night but when we were going to be surrounded by other beloved Game of Thrones actors I knew he would be on his best behaviour as he would be too enamoured by the cast to cause much trouble.

“But this is a pretty big step for the two of you.” She observed, “Stepping out together as a couple. Have you talked about it?”

“Most of the tabloids already know about me. I’ve been photographed with him enough.” I revealed, “But after the fiasco with his friends last month I was pretty surprised he wanted me to come with him to this thing.”

“I think he wants everyone to see what a great girlfriend he’s got.” Said Beezus seriously, “I mean, that was why Kit wanted me to come to events with him. So he could show off how great he thought I was.” She said with a roll of her eyes.

I smiled, when she said it that way, I felt a lot better about the whole situation.

That afternoon Richard came to my house, the three of us would ride to the event together. I left him in charge of getting Robb into his little suit while I locked myself in the bathroom to get ready. I decided to do my own hair and make-up. I kept it all minimal with a pale shade of lipstick that matched not only my fingernails but my dress as well. I curled the ends of my hair and left it down. Then before I knew it I was ready to go.

“Alright.” I announced as I stepped out into the lounge room, my long legs and bare shoulders on display as I stood wearing my outfit for the premier, “What do you think?” I asked curiously.

Richard didn’t say anything as he stood there looking absolutely amazing in a dark suit. His eyes trailed over my body slowly with a small smile gracing his lips that got bigger the moment he saw my face, “You look perfect.” He told me.

I smiled in response, the sincerity in his voice left no room for doubt.

It was then I caught sight of Robb and I realized he and Richard looked absolutely identical in their little suits. All the nervous butterflies I had disappeared as I burst out laughing.

“What?” asked Robb.

“You look like mini-me.” I giggled.

Richard turned to Robb and smiled, “He looks sharp!” he defended.

He did. But everything from the way he wore the suit to his curly hair resembled Richard and it made me giggle.

“Come on. The car is here.” Said Richard, holding his hand out for me to take.

Ignoring the heavy rock on my finger, I placed my hand in his and we all headed out to the limo.

Robb of course crawled all around the limo and I let him as I sat with watching him play.

Richard rubbed small reassuring circles on the back of my hand as we sat together. I kept waiting for the nerves to kick back in but they didn’t. Not until we got to the event and I saw just how many people were there.

“Wow!” I marvelled as I stared out the window, “Are they all reporters?” I asked as my stomach clenched in fear.

“No, most of them are fans.” He explained.

I breathed a breath of relief, well that was something. But Bee’s words echoed in my mind; no one would be bothering about me, it was all about Richard and the other stars.

The cheers of the crowd were slightly dulled as we sat in the limp, but as soon as the door opened they all became much louder, especially when Richard stepped out of the limo onto the carpet.

He gave the crowd a quick wave before he held his hand out for me to take. I looked over at Robb who didn’t seem bothered in the slightest about the crowd or the reporters and I decided I could not have less courage than a six-year-old.

Placing my hand in his, I planted my foot on the ground and stepped out of the limo. Robb following shortly after me, his hand holding mine.

I was not prepared for just how many cameras were pointed in my direction, how many of them flashed and how they were all seeming to try and get my attention at once, I had no idea where to look! There were so many cameras!

As if sensing my confusion, Richard gave my hand a light tug and we began to walk down the red carpet. Robb followed after me, peering around with interest and smiling at everyone in the crowd.

How was he so unaffected by all this? How on earth was he so calm? Did the sheer magnitude of what was happening not bother him or did he just not understand?

Coming to stand in front of a large ‘Game of Thrones’ poster, Richard pulled me to his side and the camera’s went bananas snapping pictures of us.

Robb stood with us for a moment before he spotted Kit. I thought I heard him cry his name, though I couldn’t hear him over the roar of the crowd and he let go of my hand to run over to the man in question who pulled him in for a hug as he approached.

I kept an eye on him out of the corner of my eye as the photographers continued to snap pictures of Richard and myself together. My smile was rather forced as I felt blinded by the flashing lights.

“Are you alright?” he whispered, pressing his lips to my ear. He spoke so lowly I almost missed it.

I nodded, unsure if I could speak.

Suddenly Robb ran over and looked up at Richard, throwing his arms up in the air. He didn’t hesitate to bend down and lift Robb up, holding him to his side with one hand, his other wrapped around my back.

I laughed and the camera’s flashed at double the speed. Apparently they liked the little family portrait we were creating.

“Mum!” called Robb, “Its Brianne of Tarth!” he said excitedly, “Can we go see her?” he asked.

“Alright.” I said.

Richard placed Robb back on the floor and he immediately grabbed my hand and pulled me along the carpet to the incredibly tall women that was Gwendolyn Christie.

Robb had absolutely no problem introducing himself not onto to Gwendolyn Christie but to Peter Dinkalage, Lena Heady and everyone else on the carpet. All of whom seemed to know about him already.

“Where’s Richard?” he asked once he had finished talking to Maisie Williams.

“Over there.” I said, pointing to Richard who was a little way down the carpet talking to a reporter.

“Can I go see him?” he asked.

“I don’t think you should interrupt him while he’s talking to someone, just wait a little while Bud.” I told him.

And wait he did, quite patiently. I kept a firm hold on his hand, watching as Richard gave the interview. I desperately tried to ignore the pictures I could feel being snapped of me.

The moment Richard finished his interview he turned to look at me with a smile. I smiled in response and as he came over to me he leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on my cheek, causing me to blush and the camera’s to go wild.

“You ready to head inside?” he asked.

“Yes!” replied Robb.

I couldn’t help but agree. I was tired of the reporters calling out things and I was getting a little tired of all the camera flashes; there was just too many of them.

Along with the rest of the cast the three of us headed into a theatre to watch the first episode of season seven.

Apparently Richard and all the other characters that had died had been invited to the premier because they all featured in a flashback in the first episode with Bran.

I had no idea when there were parts unsuitable for Robb but Richard did and promptly leaned over and covered his eyes when there was a scary part for which I smiled at him gratefully.

It still amazed me at how easily he had slipped into the father figure role for Robb and how seriously he took his duties as that figure. Even though he was not Robb’s real father it was hard to tell sometimes when the two of them looked so much alike and Robb was picking up more and more mannerisms of Richards.

I thought after the episode airing the night would be over, but apparently there was still the after-party to attend.

“Don’t worry.” Richard assured me, “We won’t stay too long. I don’t want to keep Robb out too late.”

I blinked in shock, that was supposed to be my concern yet Richard had thought of it and taken it into consideration like it was second nature.

The after-party consisted of Robb dragging Richard by the hand all around the room so he could meet the various actors from Game of Thrones. I stood in the corner with Beezus watching in silent awe how Richard never tired in introducing Robb to his heroes, his smile was firmly in place the whole night.

“So things between you and Richard are going well?” asked Beezus conversationally.

“What makes you say that?” I asked as I turned to look at her.

“The way you’ve been looking at him all night. It looks like you love him.” She commented.

“I love how he is with my son.” I corrected.

“Of course. But do you love him?” she asked curiously.

I thought about her question before I answered; did I love Richard?

I loved how he was with Robb. I loved the sense of stability and dependability he brought into not only my sons life but my own. I loved who Richard was as a person, how thoughtful and kind he was. I loved the way he made me feel…

Did that mean I loved him?

The question kept me occupied long into the night. Even when Richard placed Robb in his bed as he had fallen asleep on the car ride back to our house. As I stood in the doorway to his bedroom, leaning against the doorframe, I was pensive.

“You ok?” asked Richard as he slowly shut the door behind him.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked as I looked up at him.

“You’ve just been really quite.” He observed.

“Just thinking.” I said as I leaned against the wall.

“About?” he probed.

It occurred to me that I could lie. But I thought I should be honest, that way I could get his opinion on what I had been thinking about.

“You.” I said honestly as I stared straight into his beautiful blue eyes.

“I’ve been thinking about you too.” He grinned as he quickly closed the distance between us, placing his hands either side of my head on the wall, “I’ve been thinking about how great you look in that dress…” he said, his eyes trailing down my body suggestively.

I smiled at the innuendo behind his words. Of course he would be thinking that.

“I thought about how particularly great your legs look and that you should show them more.” He said as he stared at me, a small grin teasing at his lips, “Normally you have them hidden in jeans or one of your long skirts. I like it when I can see them.” He said.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I replied, attempting and failing to hide my grin. Although I was not a superficial person, it was nice to know the effort I had put into my appearance had been noticed. It was nice to know that Richard thought I looked good.

Taking one of his hands off the wall beside my head, he came to cup the side of my face, his fingers threading through my hair as he did. I had just enough time to flutter my eyes closed before he pressed his lips to mine.

His body pressed into mine as I felt his fingers tighten their grip in my hair. As his tongue traced my bottom lip I knew he was wanting to press things further, I could feel his wanting in the way he held me, how taunt his jaw was and the insistence of his kiss. But as always, he restrained himself and was the perfect gentleman as he pulled back to look at me, “what were you thinking about?” he asked curiously.

“It’s nothing.” I dismissed, looking away as I refused to meet his eye.

“Hey,” he began as his thumb stroked soothing patterns of my cheek, encouraging me to look at him once more, “You can tell me.”

I made the mistake of looking up into his beautiful blue eyes and I was lost. His eyes were just so blue, they were calming but at the same time seemed to shoot an electric current through me and I wondered how anyone could not be in love with a man like him. A kind, considerate, respectable and decent man…

“I think,” I began, my voice coming out smaller than I intended, “I might be falling in love with you.”

If watching romantic comedies had taught me anything it was that men were supposed to look scared, then run when a girl told them that they loved them. But Richard did neither of those things. Instead he smiled a breath takingly handsome smile that infected me with such happiness that I was still smiling when he pressed his lips excitedly to mine.

It didn’t matter to me that he hadn’t said anything about how he felt about me. It was enough for me to just have him acknowledge my feelings and not be scared by them, because they scared me.

He kiss was tender and loving and I felt as if my insides were melting as we stood kissing one another for the longest time before he eventually broke away, “Its late. I guess I should get going.” He sighed.

It occurred to me then that I could let him stay the night, but where would he sleep? It seemed silly for him to sleep in the spare bedroom. But the thought of him sleeping with me made my stomach clench in fear, though it was not the crippling fear that I normally had when I thought of intimacy, it was more of a nervous flutter.

“Yeah you should.” I eventually said.

I walked him to the door and said goodnight before I closed the door. I felt as if I was floating as I pressed my back against the door; yes, I was definitely falling in love with Richard Madden and as scary as that was, I decided not to dwell on that and just enjoy it.