#abt that last sentence. it doesnt matter how i feel about it

[boarwinds]

OP i beg you tell me everything about the phantom of the opera/parent trap au, i need all the details.

Here u go:

What if CSLG never have that 3rd person convo, they still go to the cabin n CS gets rid of the guns.

u where cslg split amicably (as amicable as a split can be w cs being involved). Cs never brings up the 3rd person, they still go to the cabin, and cs still gets rid of the guns. Atp he starts realizing he can go back to d2/the capitol without worry n rly, lg has no use for him, he'll only slow her down. He doesn't worry abt lg betraying him bc who'll believe her over him? Either way she can't tell anyone, going back to d12 is a death sentence for her.

He makes promises he knows he can't keep, like how he won't let anybody hurt a hair on her head despite not having the power to guarantee her safety. The effort he's putting into this performance is a flimsy excuse to say he tried to keep them together. He knows she knows, n he's counting on it, for her to say it's no use so they can split n he won't have to feel guilty abt leaving her.

Only he needs to know that the next time they meet, he'll be in his rightful seat at the top of the capitol social/power ladder, he'll sweep her off her feet n she'll be so grateful. He'll rise to power n ask for forgiveness later.

Just as he predicted, lg tells him they're not in the games anymore, they won't get lucky again, he can't protect her in d2. So they stand in silence in the cabin nobody making a move, bc they know the only one she can make is to leave. Lg comes to the conclusion that they've made use of e/o, they've reached their end. She goes. He's back in the capitol in no time.

(He waits a while before going back to 12 to give her enough time to escape before the peacekeepers are alerted. Cs heads to the covey where he personally let's maude ivory know lg is gone. He just let's her cry n punch into his chest.)

Meanwhile lg continues further into the wild.

Back in 12, a new mayor is elected, but the real power lies w the new commander. He's strict but not overly cruel. Don't get in his way n everything will be alright. He's young n handsome n has managed to charm most of d12, it makes it easier for everyone to fall in line. Maude ivory doesn't like who he reminds her of.

A few months pass n the new commander goes out patrolling the outskirts of 12. He's overseeing the construction of the barbed wire fence to be set up around the perimeter n wants to see for himself before it happens. He stumbles upon a lake w a cabin. Inside is a person, silent n still, face down on the floor.

(After yrs in the wild) lg is dying. She knows it. She's made her decision. She's going back to 12 to see her family one last time, she doesnt care if she's caught. Whether it's illness or a hanging that gets her, it doesn't matter, life in the woods alone without family isn't a life for her. On her worst days she wished she had come along w cs.

He realizes she's still alive when she starts to cough n rushes to her side. He starts to pick her up to bring her to the infirmary. Even w the grime n dirt on her face he would recognize her anywhere, the songbird who won the 10th games, the one he couldn't look away from back in the capitol. She opens her eyes n the only thing he hears is "...c○ri○|@nus? What did u do to ur hair" as she reaches up to his face n passes out.

Lg wakes up in a hospital in 12. She thinks she's hallucinating when she sees cs sitting by her side. She says "c○ri○|@nus" again n panics n starts to pull at wires connecting her to diff machines. The man notices n tries to calm her down, hands up like shes an untamed horse, "my name is William H. Bonney. I'm the commander of d12. You can call me billy."

(Referring to billy boy as billyb from here on out) billyb knows who cs is. Ever since his face was plastered all over the capitol bc of the games, all he's heard was how much he looks like him. He's heard the rumors of cs running away to 12 to be w his victor, his lover. He guesses those weren't unfounded. He shakes his head at how cs could ever leave a woman like her behind. How had she ended up in the woods half dead n him on his way to be president.

When lg wakes up again billyb have to restrain her. Billyb is so close to her, his eyes are exactly the same, he's telling her she's safe n she's transported right back. He has to tell her he's not cs, to look at his hair. He tugs at it to show her "see the roots?" It wasn't the hair that convinces her, billyb has a mole cs does not. He tells her "Idk what he did to u but I promise ur safe"

Over time billyblg develop a friendship. Lg has a hard time looking him in the face but sometimes she catches herself staring. Billyb feels her stare n let's her. Sometimes he stares right back w a smirk or a wink to catch her off guard. Lg feels ridiculous for blushing.

Billyb opens the hob back for lg n the covey.

Idk where it goes from here 🙂

Side note:

Cs had been working behind the scenes to keep d12 mostly lax for lg, removing the bounty for her, technically the reason billy was sent to 12 as commander

[nanjokei]

all your sycophants telling you to be meaner, nah youre just an asshole. did you like. even read the post in the first place. bc it doesnt look like you did?? i get that it makes you feel cool and good abt yourself to mock other ppls thinking-out-loud type posts but you basically telling them to shut up and keep their thoughts out of The Pure And Perfect Tag™ and then go on to say "oh im autistic ive never gotten the chance to rly speak up and be mean so this feels good" like..... thats so painfully hypocritical. you should KNOW how it feels to be told "shut up no one cares" so why are you doing it to someone else? so im telling you to shut up. youre annoying and no one cares and you shouldnt use other people as punching bags. asshole

did you get it out of your system. that's great. i don't really feel like giving a benefit of the doubt response anymore given after the first ask you decided to go ballistic like this... like, not even being sassy, i could have just responded "are you mad" and published it. but i am a neurotic person who will respond even if it's not in the way i initially set out to. just for you.

just for transparency, here's the first ask i got last night:

hi. i think you are projecting a lot of feelings onto me that i did not express and stretching my original statements. which in some sense, some may see as understandable! i was being less than gentleman-ly! i don't know if this is the op messaging after i blocked them or a friend coming in to give me a piece of their mind, it does not matter. this is something i was gonna say even in the first ask: had i been approached for an apology, i probably would have caved and apologized, because i'm weak to that kind of thing. at the very least even if i didn't agree, i would have wholeheartedly apologized for any distress or trouble. this isn't bull or me trying to flatter my way out of a situation. the response i got— which a friend ended up reading, to be honest i just blocked right away— was thoroughly strange, something something apologizing and being like "idk tumblr tag etiquette" and choosing to delete the original post. which i would not know how to respond to. i'm not some kind of tag police or god of tumblr or whatever, so why apologize to me or delete the post. i am writing this response under the assumption that it could be someone else, but a hit dog will holler, in this one sentence i will address OP directly: that response was strange. had i read it, i would have either ignored it still or apologized, i have no idea, but initial my response really was "but i have no power over this person or anyone". i did not ask for you to clean up your contribution to a tag or police it. i simply stated my opinion on my blog when prompted by a third party expressedly out of earshot of the op. is that a morally correct thing? proooobably not. but it is the internet. "why are you, the person who got hated on, continuing the cycle of hate" type bs might as well be a self fulfilling prophecy. if you feel this way, why send me asks about it at all if you're gonna go ape over me not responding immediately? does it mean so much to you? go ahead and block. i do not argue with people online. but i'll respond because clearly you want one. not gonna prostrate myself before anyone, and respond just as coldly as you are painting me out to be. this is my special fanservice to you, since you wanted to believe that about me so badly.

>pure and perfect tag

i do not check tags for a reason. i checked it one time. i guess this implication comes off of what i said so i'll say it out clearly but i genuinely could care less past the initial pang of cringe what is in there. had nonnie not continued to converse with me i would have moved on ans forgotten about it. i am not a police or a militia. it means nothing to me most days if a tag is "good". who the hell cares. you are obsessing over my existence, my opinion and the weight of such a thing a bit too much over here.

>shut up no one cares

neeeever said this, and no one has ever said this to me. the story i recounted about being called toxic was in the youtube comments and was 5 years ago. no one told me "no one cares". it just hurt my ego. anyway, if someone cared so much to send two asks about it, then thank you. i really won't shut up.

>never got the chance to speak up and be mean

ok.

>my sycophants

it was one nonnie. are you obsessed with me or something? i am like one random ass blogger on a dying website. i do not have an army or cult of personality. i am just one guy.

>end of the ask

heard you loud and clear. thanks for the feedback, not gonna reflect on it much though. it was an asshole move. does it make me an asshole? yup.

it was catty and petty of me. i knew that much from the very first ask i answered. but op wasn't tagged, i didn't send anyone to them either, so i can only really think "what were you doing on my blog anyway". because yes, this is a blogging site, not a pvp site, i didn't engage with anyone to start fights. didn't bring op's name into it, didn't actively mock them (the comment about them not being special was ad hominem though i admit to that much. sorry.)

you cannot expect everyone to be 100% nice and handle people with kiddie gloves in their own blog space when they are not bringing you into it especially given i did not direct anyone to anyone's post.

had it been me i would have just blocked and moved on. pwease no steppy and all that. whoever sent op an ask about it to make them respond is kind of a drama obsessed weirdo lol. like i'm just saying. causing both me and op a headache. it did not have to shake out like this. neither of us were gonna engage with each other and everyone could have gone to sleep without any icky feelings. honestly, from my point of view, both of you are strange. wow, i am barely hiding who i think is behind this ask. but it really is addressed very generally.

don't send me another ask! i will just publish them with no response. this situation was entirely avoidable and i lament that you decided to both waste my time and your own with all this. just block me like i asked!

[leathermouthfag]

hey, u don't have to answer this if u don't want to obviously, but I was wondering if u could elaborate on what u mean by "folkish" Norse pagens/heathens (from your dni)?

sure thing! this is going to be a long post, there's gonna be a lot of frank discussion of racism and nazis, and i don't know how to add a read more, so be warned

some background: tons of nazis and white nationalists are really drawn to norse paganism because it's easy to paint the gods as symbols of white power (regardless of basically everything we know of the myths, but you cannot try to bring logic into hate. you can't try to rationalise it). they've stolen a lot of symbols to the point where thor's hammer, specific runes, and runic writing as a whole are registered as hate symbols by the anti-defamation league. you get hate groups (soldiers of odin is the only one that i can remember off the top of my head, but there are a lot more) popping up, skinheads use a lot of norse and norse-inspired imagery, a lot of white power/white pride symbols are (or are designed to look like) norse pagan symbols. this is something that's been happening since the 1930s (the ss logo is 2 sowilo runes).

then you get people who will swear they aren't racist, but norse paganism/heathenry/whatever you want to call it (note: i'm very wary of people who say ásatrú in the usa, and people who use odinism/wotanism/etc are nazis) is just something that only white europeans (specifically germanic/scandinavian, but they really only care about skin colour) can do. it all has to do with "homelands" and "ancestry" and "intrinsic genetic links to culture and homeland" (that last one is straight up nazi ideology, btw. like. in the Shoah and genocide class i took last year, we spent a week just discussing it).

these people are "folkish" and there are some different degrees of folkish, but they're all racist. heathenry is NOT a closed practice (like Vodou, and many Indigenous religions). anyone can practice it regardless of race or culture, and saying otherwise draws into nazi ideology.

my gods are very important to me, and it hurts to see them used in the way they are.

[fictionkinfessions]

I miss discussing books with Fischl.. debating the major themes and who shouldve been with who and which scenes were well written and which the author rushed just to finish the book. I miss digging out random books on the most obscure topics to prove that the author didnt research thier source material well enough, and Fischl groaning and telling me that it doesnt matter because the inaccuracies made the story fun.

I miss having to explain complicated plots of the books to Bennett. Then having to tell him that no, whatever mystical plot it had isnt actually real, and no Oz talking just like the animals in the book doesnt mean all animals can talk. Ect ect ect.

I miss when Fischl and I got to meet Xingqiu. And we tore into his book like little demons. And he appreciated all the criticism. He even took notes.

I miss him staying in Mond for a few weeks and joining us for a few book discussion sessions.

I miss mom gently shaking me awake in the early morning after falling asleep in the library studying.. I miss having to lecture her about not overworking herself with her permanent injuries. I even miss her laughter as she dismissed how serious it was. I noticed pretty easily when she leaned extra heavy on her cane. She thought I didnt. But Im her son, and what kind of son would I have been if I wasnt as smart as my mother. Adoptive or not.

I.. miss a lot right now. But. Unfortunately? My newly discovered life is an au. One that I've never seen anyone else dabble with. One I created myself from rightful anger over my original timeline.

I wish I could say I was new to this feeling. Of having sourcemates of your loved ones around you who dont even recognize you? Because youre not the version they remember? I suppose thats how kinning obscure/original au's goes though. Nobody ever remembers you properly. Been through it too many times. This one isnt new. But it hurts less at the moment I'll admit that.

Short explanation is I'm Razor. Sure don't sound like him with how Im talking but- Well the new au is a bit stronger than Razor's original timeline, so theres alot less third person talk and more full sentences. I never got lost this time. Parents left me in Varkas care after they died, he passed me off to jean and Kaeya because hes a fucking deadbeat who doesnt understand kids unless he's teaching them to hold weapons, and Lisa adopted me after she returned from Sumeru.

It's a fun timeline so far. definitely a step up from the original. It's nice not wanting to strangle a man over leaving me in the woods for a decade. (Yeah og tl is NOT happy abt that one, Varka. Its all I ever scream abt when Im shifted.) It's nice having a Razor shift that doesnt make me feel braindead or angry (really can hardly think in the normal ones, when I do its about how idiotic Varka was.)

I just wish other people seemed as interested in it as I seem to be. At least my friends don't seem to be responding much when I ramble about the new memories.. I dont think anyone has thought of this au. Almost wish other people would acknowledge what Varka did to canon me so this kinda au would exist a bit more.

Maybe after the festival next patch people will open their eyes a bit more.

Anyway- This went on much longer than I intended, ended up rambling when I just wanted to miss my loved ones hah- Sorry for the long post everyone.

~Razor Minci 🐺📚 (Please leave the last name out of the kin tags mpc, its a timeline specific thing, canon name for proper tagging is just "Razor")

[nvrissa]

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 

[starhaos]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOM !!!!!!!!!! @naarinja @pledisanti @f1ors ++ MORE LOL

where do i even start…. where do i even……. start,, well at the beginning obviously. even tho i was a very cautious teen with online interactions from the get go as soon as we started talking to each other (NEARLY TWO YEARS AGO!!!!) i felt so so comfortable and had so much fun. we say this a lot blah blah but i honestly dont know what took over me to make that gif or to send you an ask when you were bored because.. i didnt do that !!! i wasnt the type of person to send people messages online really but who knows exactly what it was that made you so approachable but to this DAY people constantly mention how approachable and wonderful you are and i feel so genuinely grateful to have been able to meet you and keep talking so much that i became such a close friend of yours. you were my first online friend and you are my strongest online friend… but  i truly believe ((as gross and cheesy this sounds)) that this is the type of friendship where it doesnt matter how far apart we are or how not often we’ve actually been face to face (still waiting for 0 B.P) because i find so much comfort in just knowing youre around somewhere in the abyss and reachable. when i couldnt contact you when i was in kenya etc it was the same feeling of missing you as i had for my irl friends. that was when i really realized how much you meant to me truly and if the internet suddenly crashes and i cant contact you i WILL walk down to california and ignore all the curses its placed upon me. at this point i dont even have many irl friends left and i talk to you more than i talk to them anyways……

I WENT ON A TANGENT anyways i dont even remember how exactly we continued getting closer apart from just from talking LOL but it all felt so easy n fun and exciting talking to you!!!!!!!!!!!!! we agree on most everything except of course snap peas and vanilla ice cream but i can look past that… i feel so happy whenever i talk to you its my nom battery and i need to recharge it.

you are one of the nicest people i know and you deserve so much hapiness and love all the time always forever and every single person who has seen you around or talked to you at least once agrees with me i know because i surveyed them here . i said this like five sentences ago but i dont know how i got so lucky to have you as a friend i really really dont… you are so talented (IN SO MANY THINGS. I KNOW YOU DRAW EVEN IF YOU WONT SHOW ME… IN MAKING GIFS… IN BEING A LEGEND… IN TAKING CARE OF KIDS… IN FUCKING CALCULUS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS ONE. ALSO MULTITASKING AND GETTING SHIT DONE.. THE AMOUNT OF BLOGS U RUN IS INSANE UR MOTIVATION DUDE..) and i hope someday you can be a kindergarten teacher or something bc then i will enrol every child i know in your class so they know how great you are. that is a promise.

im about to go nuts just thinking about you as a person bc there is so much to love abt u realistically… from your sense of humour to your supportiveness to your taste in music (impeccable) youre the only person ever… if the world had to be inherited by one person id choose you bc you have so much potential and so much to give. this is part of the reason why i felt the need to gift you so many things, because youre always GIVING to people whether through nice messages or gifs or saying you like their music recs or giving music recs ….. i could go on….. and youre rarely receiving and quite frankly thats DUMB and charlie brain said you must do the most extra thing possible which in my dumb neanderthal brain meant like 30 paintings, this message, and one stupid video (by the way if anyone else is reading this you dont get to see it bc its so dumb that only noms brain—who is so used to dumb charlie at this point it wont phase her—can see). and it still doesnt feel like enough!!!!!!!! i feel like i need to send you a billion dollars and every front row ticket to every seventeen concert ever as well as a lifetime supply of oranges. unfortunately that is not possible but you deserve it. OH also the other reason why i felt the need to gift you so many things is because i love you a metric fuckton. i didnt proofread this and its two minutes until go time so i need to get on with it but it all came from the heart. i also feel like i should have organized this better but it all boils down to this: i love you my wonderful orange lady. have a great day. 🚟 ((( ALSO THE LAST DRAWING IS A PRELIMINARY SKETCH I ONLY JUST THOUGHT OF IT LIKE 30 MINS AGO ILL SHOW U WHEN ITS DONE OFC BUT I THOUGHT UD WANT TO SEE IT ))

[baebbaeby]

(NCT) Boyfriend!Jaehyun

heh

first of all i wanna say this man would speak softly to you no matter what

especially if he had a crush on you he’d be soooOOO soft

when he likes you he’d aaaalways smile at you, he’d be really casual about it by always sitting near you, always looking at you, always including you in conversations

he would always look into your eyes when talking to you, even if he got a little red or flustered, he’d always want to look into them

i just think he’d be really pulled by someone’s eyes if he really liked them

it would be in the small things you know? you probably wouldn’t notice it but someone else would

johnny would notice right away tbh

even if you had one of your friends with you guys and they didn’t know jaehyun that well i’m sure they’d be able to tell he liked you too 

so he’d be obvious to EVERYONE else but you bc it was all in the small things he does for you

i think a lot of thought would go into his confession to you 

he’d probably ask you to hang out like one on one 

and it kind of seems date-y but its not a date you know and then near the end he’d probs walk u home or wherever you had to go 

and his ears would be red and he’d be like uhm i like u a lot and i was wondering if u’d go on a date with me

and ur low key like....that wasn’t a date? if hanging out like THAT isn’t a date then sign me the f up i wanna know ur standards for a date

its taking my entire being to not write bro at the end of every sentence of that for some reason

anywho

hes a goddamn gentleman he’d open all the doors for you

and would guide you with your hand as if you were a royalty , especially if you wore heels to steady you 

would also get chairs for you and he’d do this alllll effortlessly and not breaking a goddamn sweat 

like its just natural for him to be so nice and gentlemanly

bc he’s so good to you i feel like it would make you feel like you werent good enough for him 

and i feel like he’d kind of lose a part of himself too bc he’d be so concentrated on you so you’d definitely need to encourage him to do stuff for himself sometimes 

and then he’d get the hang of it

hes also super nice so i feel like you’d have issues if you’re the type to get jealous easily since hes so friendly and everyone seems to fall in love with him 

and he also doesnt seem like the type to tell anyone off either if they’re flirting with him he just doesn’t seem like that kind of guy

but its also common in relationships to get jealous at something or someone so it’s all about trusting each other, which i hope you do if you’re in a relationship with anyone

but low key i also think he’d adore it if you told him you were a little jealous, he’d make sure to give you a little extra affection and attention

honestly he’d be so smitten with you

he’d literally worship every part of you [sfw wise and nsfw wise winkwink]

but seriously he’d look into your eyes like they’re everything and at your lips like they’re everything and your ears and and if you had freckles he’d look at them like they’re everything too

he just seems like someone who would just drink in the sight of their s/o? like maybe he’s feeling nervous before a performance and he sees you walking towards him 

and suddenly the nerves are all gone, relief has just washed over him because you’re right there in front of him and he’s got this now he can do this because you’re there watching him

something i think about a lot is jaehyun singing to his s/o oh my gaaaad

he’d get embarrassed but would totally sing for you if you asked and he would randomly do it if he knew you liked it which who wouldnt like it jesus

all while his ears turn red because singing like that for someone is so intimate dhsjkml

if you liked singing too he’d totally looove singing duets with you too

if you were into musicals he’d totally indulge with you and sing the songs with you too

if i were his s/o i would make him sing a whole new world to me every goddamn morning ahem

he’d be really affectionate in private but in public not so much

i think he’d accept your affection if you initiated it first in public if it was small things like hand holding and hugs idk he just doesn’t seem like a huge pda guy to me

and again, it would all be in the small things for him, he’d always be beside you or looking at you so he wouldn’t even need pda to show off that you were together in public - people would just be able to tell

i’m taking a few points from the cuddling scenario i did with him but if he did decide to be affectionate in public he would not half-ass it

a hand on the shoulder is not acceptable - his full arm is going around your shoulders and tucking you into his side

same thing for your waist

and the way he holds you (this is mainly in private but also applies to how he holds you in public) its very firm, and he has a strong grip but its also very soft and gentle at the same time

like a hug would be tight and firm but it would be so full of love and gentleness because he wants to hold you close 

okay let’s get into kisses now

my heart is fluttering at the thought

first of all he’d love it when you kiss his nose

his ears would go red and he’d smile and those little whiskers would appear on his face and he’d giggle a little he’d love it sooooooOOoo MUCH

he also seems like the type to smile into all your kisses

like most of his kisses would be smiling kisses

he just hold your face so gently and smiles at you because damn he loves you so much he can’t believe it and just slowly pulls in for a kiss and he still cant stop smiling because he’s kissing the one he loves and they’re kissing him back?! amazing

also can you just hear how he would giggle in his low baritone voice when he’s happy like that and it would just vibrate through and wow what happiness

HE GLOWS WHEN YOU GUYS KISS OKAY

ALSO KISS HIS DIMPLES???? AMAZING HE’D LOVE THAT TOO SO MUCH

something that would KILL him would be if you show him affection and you’re like “i love your eyes” and you kiss his eyelids and “i love your nose” and you kiss his nose and you do this with his ears and his whiskers and his dimples bc he’s smiling so wide UGH

i think he’d personally love kissing your head, especially if you’re shorter than him it would be so easy to just dip down and boop kiss your hair and the side of your head

and i think he’d love just nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck too so a lot of his kisses would go on your jawline/neck/right underneath your ears too

alright folks its about to get slightly nsfw

but i think he’d like to nibble on your neck too

i think he’d get off on marking you like that when it gets heated and esp seeing them later he’d be like oh mY i did that? heehee let’s do it again

i think the only way i could describe his hornyness would be hungry you feel me?

like his eyes would go from bright n loving to just dark and lustful and hungry

LOTS of low groans tbh ohhh boy

he’d still be a gentleman but when boy is hungry he is hungryyy

just think about the whole strong and firm thing i said but still gentle in a way but also strong and firm

and also the whole worshipping thing like he would drink in the sight of you without clothes and touch you like you were everything (bc u are) 

like im talking strong grip on your thighs and they rise up to curve your body oh boy

ahem thats it for this nsfw bit (thinking abt maybe making a nsfw series like this too ohoho)

anyways you guys were done being intimate he’d be so sweet and soft and would love to cuddle you forever and shower you with sweet nothings

he’d be really loving in the morning too he’d crawl on top of you and just tell you how much he loves you and he’d wake up with a smile bc he’d see your beautiful face first thing in the morning

but he also wouldn’t waste time in bed too in the morning he’d get up after showering you with affection and make breakfast or something

and if you’re still not up he’d come back and use his charms to get you out of bed like tickling you or smothering you with affection that makes you giggle yourself awake

would definitely plan a whooole event for your anniversary like a romantic picnic under the stars and would also definitely have a backup plan if the weather wasnt good

he’d love low key couple things like bracelets or rings but nothing too flashy like matching clothes i think

he’d love to just have that piece of jewellery he wears that has a super special meaning to him since you mean so much to him

and one last thing

he’d always laugh at your jokes no matter how dumb they were

and indulge in your weird habits or jokes

he would just love with his entire heart and whoever gets to hold his heart one day is a very lucky person and i hope they treat it with all the love they have because its what he deserves

if you want more be sure to check out the cuddling scenario i did with him too hehe HERE

[nylenol]

ALL OF THEM. 1-50. GO.

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

yes and no! i value the idea of fate a Lot a lot and idk i believe things happen to certain ppl for a certain reason whether in this life or others so. yeah. i also think that everything i’ve been thru makes me a certain way, and throwing that away to go like,,, possess another body or some shit makes everything not worth. i wish i had better financial status and had more resources at my disposal tho! so if i could change my social/financial standing thatd be hot as fuck

2: What is your full name?sandra whot (thats what i write on my physics tests)

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?im 17 but god knows i still look 12

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?no but ppl ask me if i’ve dyed it bc the natural colors kinda wack! also i spray painted it blue once does that count

5: What’s your eye color?healthy soil mmm wormy

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with iti like my body! i used to not bc shes a little chonky but its okay now^^

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?i really wanna get an industrial/helix piercing in my ear but im scared of piercings djhgggg i used to have those little asian baby hoops that all asian babies have but it got caught in my necklace and started bleeding like fuck when i was little so i was kinda traumatized, dont wear earrings anymore and the hole closed up on one side ; as for tattoos i want one eventually! maybe something small and meaningful on my ankle/wrist or smth

8: What would you say is your best quality?i’m really tolerant of a lotta bs tbh; a lot of times when my friends cant handle a person/situation i still find myself p okay with it and they tell me that so ya!

9: What are you really bad at?oh my god so many : cant dance; cant sing; drawing mediocre; meeting deadlines? whos she! etc etc my work ethic just sux

10: What talent do you wish you had?i wish i could sing well/play an instrument!! love live renewed my love for music a lot and not being able to express that love for music IN music makes me rlly emo

11: Are you nice to everyone?yeah i’d like to think so,, sometimes i shittalk if they like do something Genuinely Morally Wrong like hello but for the most part i think everyones deserving of kindness even if i dont know them that well!

12: What do you think about the most?i spend a lot of time thinking abt the past and what i could have changed and the future and what i could have been and its ugly dont like it but it nags at me!! thanks obama

13: Things you like/dislike about yourselfi like the fact that i have a lot of passion for certain things and dedicate myself to them!! but i dont like the fact that i get demotivated rlly easy and let things pile up after signing up for too many things that i care about; ; ;  then i dont drop these things and end up in a shithole of responsibility like hello o o o o 

14: What is your least favorite word?i dunno! but any word i cant pronounce correctly is my mortal enemy (colosseum)

15: What is your favorite word?idk but i say hello so much ,, about time i start punctuating my sentences with goodbye.

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?i look exactly like my dad but i like my mom more! i wanna be like her, that woman works so hard to keep me and my sister alive hello

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?yeah! but honest to god if the strangers a crusty man then no i aint risking shit

18: A reason you’ve lied to someoneuhh the other day i went out for dim sum w benji and told my mom that only BENJI was buying dim sum but actually he paid for both of us bc im a broke bih (my mom hates owing ppl money) and yeah i feel terrible i dont lie often

19: Are you lying about anything right now?i dont think so ? only person im lying to is myself kek - John 1:14

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?never kissed anyone ! but wheres my milf @ god

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?yes in a way ??? but i think thats a superficial, physical kind of love and the love that matters can only form after like. years of both platonic and romantic bonding

22: Do you believe in soulmates?yes! the definition of a soulmate to me is someone who would fit best for you both romantically and platonically - but while there will always be someone who fits the best, there will always be someone who fits about the same, and someone who fits about the same right under that, etc etc. while we dont end up w/ the OG Soulmate tm in most situations, we do find a variation of them somewhere in the world.

23: Are looks important?a little bit?? but it doesnt matter in the long run, if you love someone then you’ll also grow to love the way they look its a package deal brent

24: Opinion on relationship age differencesi like ppl around my age or maybe a year younger/older but if ur 25 n dating a 35 yo then thats ur business! idc as long as neither party is in their teens and its healthy

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?unless i met them irl? no

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?lol yeah in part, i normally dont cry until i have 6000 different reasons to cry and sufficient hydration (like 3 times a year hello)

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?lol

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?lol

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?yeah! my friends disliked one of my best friends for like a Long time, me n her aren’t close friends anymore bc shes kinda snakey but w/e

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?lol

31: How does someone win your heart?be a good friend! same humor helps a lot, if someone’s aura is comfy for me to be in then hhhello ;; also genuine concern and compassion is my biggest turn on yeet

32: What turns you on?having enough food on me to eat every single period of the day, fruit, vidya games, sleeping,,, when teachers extend deadlines mr. geil i love you ? i lo

33: What turns you off?ketchup poured over fries like hello what is wrong with people.

34: Do you get jealous easily?yes cerritos auto square

35: What is your definition of cheating?cheating (noun) - the conscious pursuit of non-platonic relations with a person other than your significant other

36: Do you forgive betrayal?not really but depends on the situation

37: Have you ever been cheated on?nop i gave someone my hw to copy a few times tho

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?nop but i copy other ppls hw on a daily basis :)

39: How often do you listen to music?24/7 all the time always every waking hour right now immediately at the moment, this bitch DEAD without her earbuds

40: First concert you attendedactual actual concert in a venue was the AX one where Aqours performed!!

41: Last movie you watchedCarol it made me sososoos emo i was watching it on a bus next to a bunch of hetties i was Crying. crying

42: Favorite type of movieromance! and for some reason disaster movies,,, also psychological movies r Really up there

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?hoohooheehee

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?yeah when i need to, its obvious to other ppl tho i think

45: Do you fall in love easily?not really

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?yes and no, it depends on context and frequency

47: What’s your favorite holiday?tet bih

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?im pretty forgiving i think, i wish i wasnt

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?right here in my bed! wish i could sleep forever

50: What’s your “type”?idk if i have a type but ppl are hot and this lesbian is too weak to go on! i like ppl who are kinda similar to me tho: little crazy little wack but ultimately well meaning

[toastling]

So some friends of mine and I got to talking about Bee Movie and I wrote some sequels

[1:29:26 AM] lau: she left this man for bee jerry seinfeld [1:30:38 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: that bee couldnt even pleasure her in any way [1:30:47 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: can he kiss her??? rub her back??? [1:30:53 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: no. he cant bc hes a BEE [1:32:46 AM] Sol: http://protectbuckybarnesatallcosts.tumblr.com/post/142880693709/jibblyuniverse-ptsdgriffin-killuav [1:32:48 AM] lau: kri you innocent soul you haven't read the fanfiction [1:33:22 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: IM TALKING ABOUT LIKE, IN ACTUALITY [1:33:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: FANFICTION DOESNT COUNT [1:33:52 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: Sol please [1:34:08 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: also id bee terrified of him crawling inside me? what if he suffocates and dies [1:34:12 AM] Sol: You asked [1:34:21 AM] Sol: KRI STOP [1:34:21 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: i dont want to have to excavate a dead body from my vag [1:34:34 AM] Sol: THE UNIVERSE CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH BEE PUNNERY [1:34:49 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: thats a shame dude beecause were talking abt bee movie [1:35:07 AM] lau: fanfiction has this figured out. air tanks, kri, air tanks [1:35:14 AM] Sol: Wut [1:35:53 AM] Toast: Vanessa is actually the reincarnation of Cleopatra and her ex is a reincarnation of her high priest. Barry is not the first bee she's looped into this little scam of hers. She seeks out bees with the right qualities and eventually traps them in a jar so that she can recreate the greatest vibrator the world has ever known and achieve ultimate pleasure as the amassed bees vibrate at just the right frequency due to her clever and specific selection process.

However, in Bee Movie, something new happened, and she fell for one of the bees who was supposed to be just a means to an end. She severed her tie to her reincarnating high priest after realizing how much of a dick he really was and fell more and more for bee Jerry Seinfeld. But in the end, she could not resist the temptation, the pleasure. Barry was the last piece of the vibrator puzzle in this reincarnation cycle. So she trapped him, too, and that was the end of their relationship.

At last, her quest was complete.

And that's how Bee Movie 2 would've ended. [1:36:04 AM] Sol: What [1:36:09 AM] Sol: The [1:36:12 AM] Sol: Fuck [1:36:27 AM] lau: there used to a game in our friend group was to find the weirdest fanfiction and try reading in without laughing. there was a bee movie bee smut fic that involved barry b benson diving inside of vanessa with air tanks [1:36:50 AM] Sol: Now we how Ford came to be [1:36:54 AM] Sol: *know how [1:37:02 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: hey James do you accept criticism on your messages [1:37:06 AM] Toast: No [1:37:18 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: too fucking bad here it is: shooting me wouldve been better [1:37:22 AM] lau: reading weird fan fiction around the lunch table is my origin story [1:37:33 AM] Toast: I hope at least Ford had fun with that one [1:37:34 AM] Sol: Why do you even ask Kri, we know what you're going to say [1:37:42 AM] Toast: I had fun writing it imagining your reactions [1:38:06 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOL [1:38:12 AM] lau: oh yeah it ends with barry discovering a human fetus in her womb before stinging it to abort it and also killing himself out of anger [1:38:21 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHAT THE FUCK LAUREN [1:38:28 AM] Sol: THE FUCK [1:38:29 AM] lau: and then it turns out he was on a prank show [1:38:30 AM] Sol: The fuckd [1:38:31 AM] Sol: Fdnrnnf [1:38:37 AM] Sol: THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK [1:38:38 AM] Toast: he ded tho [1:38:49 AM] lau: with ashton Kutcher who implanted the fake fetus to prank barry [1:38:56 AM] Sol: FORD [1:39:07 AM] Sol: IM WITH KRI [1:39:10 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: Sol will you please end my suffering [1:39:13 AM] Sol: SHOOT ME [1:39:15 AM] Toast: Ford has improved my draft of Bee Movie 2 [1:39:23 AM] lau: NO [1:39:23 AM] Sol: SHOOT ME FIRST [1:39:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: we can do it together like hold hands and jump off a cliff or like cyanide [1:39:34 AM] Sol: I CANT OWN A GUN ANYWAY [1:39:35 AM] lau: I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS [1:40:10 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: Sol i dont have a gun either [1:40:39 AM] Sol: FORD YOU POSTED [1:40:44 AM] Sol: THAT [1:40:53 AM] Sol: YOU DONT GET TO SAY ANYTHING [1:41:06 AM] Toast: What if Vanessa fell in love with a talking gun after her tryst with Barry ended and as she and the gun were doing it she accidentally pulled the trigger would that be fucked up or what [1:41:24 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: James [1:41:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: for the love of god [1:41:30 AM] Toast: I feel like this is something that would happen today in Texas in real life [1:41:38 AM] lau: i mean as a group we've seen worse fanfics [1:41:40 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: can you just for fucking once please think before you hit enter [1:41:44 AM] Toast: No [1:41:44 AM] Sol: THE GUN PREMATURELY FIRES [1:41:51 AM] Sol: FUCK [1:41:54 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: im leaving all of you [1:44:33 AM] Toast: Vanessa didn't finish writing her will before the premature firation, so instead of bequeathing all of her belongings to her secret lover Jerry Seinfeld, who exists in this world independent of Barry B. Benson who had his voice but is now dead, they get bequeathed to a guy named Jerry Sein instead, who now must figure out what to do with this loudly buzzing jar and a talking gun with night terrors and survivor's guilt. [1:45:01 AM] Toast: Bee Movie 3, bam [1:45:24 AM] Toast: "bam" is part of the title, in reference to the talking gun, whose name is Bam Bam. No relation to the Flintstones character of the same name. [1:45:36 AM] Sol: https://youtu.be/tLLKMiVL3O8 [1:45:40 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: James if you make one more post about this im leaving the group [1:45:51 AM] Sol: The ant Man post had me thinking about this short. [1:45:56 AM] Toast: ): [1:46:00 AM] Toast: I'm having fun god damn it [1:47:54 AM] Sol: WAIT TOAST, WHO GHE FUCK DOESNT FINISH WRITING THEIR WILL IN SUCH A MANNER THEY DONT FUCKING FINISB A NAME [1:48:58 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: THEY BLEED OUT YOU FUCK [1:48:58 AM] Toast: I could explain this but Kri is already standing on the edge [1:49:09 AM] Sol: WHAT IS SHE DOINF [1:49:14 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHO IS SHE [1:49:19 AM] Sol: WRITING THE WILL DURING BEE SEX [1:49:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: IT WAS GUN SEX YOU FUCK [1:49:30 AM] Toast: Yes that's what she's doing except it's a gun [1:49:44 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: James u can explain the stuff uve already wrriten just please [1:49:47 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: no bee movie 4 ideas [1:49:51 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: jesus fucking christ [1:49:54 AM] Sol: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PROTECTION. IS THAT [1:50:04 AM] Sol: LET ME JUST [1:50:16 AM] Sol: WRITE THE WILL WHEN IM HAVIG SEX WITH A GUN [1:50:21 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: NO SOL [1:50:22 AM] Sol: PERFRCT [1:50:25 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: SHE GOT SHOT [1:50:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: THEN WROTE THE WILL [1:50:33 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: AND DIED MID SENTENCE [1:50:53 AM] Sol: WILLS HAVE TO BE FUCKING SIGNED [1:50:53 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: BLEEDING OUT ISNT AN IMMEDIATE THING MY FRIEND [1:51:10 AM] Sol: AND YOURE ON YOUR DEATHBED WITH A TALKING GUN [1:51:20 AM] Toast: It was always going to end with Vanessa's death, this was her suicide plan all along and Bam Bam knew that. She couldn't bear to live anymore after Barry, knowing what she'd done to him and relegated him to. She released him from the jar but he was... broken. His mind was gone. The brilliant bee that she fell for was gone. So she enlisted Bam Bam to have some fun and also ensure her demise. Unfortunately, she didn't account for Bam Bam to fire prematurely. [1:51:24 AM] Sol: AND YOU LEAVE EVERYTHING TO JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD [1:51:46 AM] Toast: Jerry Seinfeld was her secret Real Lover hinted at in Bee Movie 2 and revealed at the end of Bee Movie 3. [1:51:59 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: GOD I HATE THIS [1:52:03 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHY WAS THIS BROUGHT UP AGAIN [1:52:12 AM] Sol: TOAST YOURE A SHIT WRITER. [1:52:38 AM] Toast: Bam Bam felt survivor's guilt because he knew what he'd done and he knew how it was going to end no matter what but knowing that it didn't go according to plan coupled with the weight of what he'd done shook him. It's really quite the tragedy. [1:52:49 AM] Toast: Then, in Bee Movie 4, [1:52:55 AM] Sol: IS TOAST CHUCK TINGLE [1:53:07 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: J A M E S [1:53:07 AM] Sol: IS HE USING THIS CHAT TO RUN BY ALL HIS IDEAS [1:53:10 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: NO BEE MOVIE FOUR [1:53:16 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: ENOUGH

[nadinesha]

Slowly but surely.

We call it quit. We cant go any further. Me and my ex have decided to make a move, in seperate way. Its me. I am the one who force him to live on his own by the day and forward. I have been thinking about it before we even had the fight. I believe you have heard a phase that say “the more you stay, the more you learn. the more you say, the more it burn.” So i know it was the best time to make everything done on dot. By the same time, i never thought of looking for anyone to replace my ex but i know that i need someone to make me feel better, talk with me everyday, ask me questions and tell me answers. It just a way to keep me busy from thinking on the decision i have made. Yup , i met this one guy thru tinder (well its 2016, cant say that its not legit to meet anyone thru online ahhahaha) plumpy and yup he was doing as what per i was hoping from a person . Text me everyday, get know of each other. Yah still my ex tried to ask me to change my mind, keep my track back to his and blabla. But i dont know what makes me strong to decide to not ever walk back to my ex. I am still with my decision to keep what i want as my priority , no more considering on others’ opinions and favors. After 1 month texting, me and this new guy decided to meet , no more online texting. This friendship has to be real. All along the one month , we only exchange picture once and the rest was only on phone call. (His voice is too good to hate) so on the day i meet the girls, we decided to meet at Grind22 Cafe, Bangsar. At least i have my girls to accompany me meeting this half stranger half friend guy of mine. The day went well, on the first time i meet him, he was wearing a nice faded grey folded sleeve tshirt with dark blue levi’s jeans. Tried to make myself chill during the date, thanks god i have my girls around so theres no such awkward situation happened or odd topics out on our conversation. I can still remember how he only look 2 seconds on me whenever i stare to his eyes. Its my way when having a talk with anyone. Always keep my eyes look straight deep in the person eyes so obviously he wasn’t comfortable with the eyes contact but its fun to see that kind of reaction from him. I can see he was freaking nervous abt the date. I was sitting next to him. After a couple hour, i grab his hand as it was very close to my hands, it isnt a sign of flirting. I just wanted him to know that dont get way too nervous, we are fine. I like you. This is not going to be the first and the last time you will see me. He grab my hand back as a way to say that he is completely relieved to see that i am accepting him as well. After days, on 12/11/16 , in his car, around 7.15pm, the sky wasnt yet dark but you can see the moon start to glowing alone in the sky. The sunset light still helping me to see his face. He called my full name and i was suprised as he continues his sentence with something i didnt expect. “Would you be my girlfriend?” OHMYGOD my heart was dropping but fortunately i was not fainted or died on that time, i hug his hand tightly and said “of course i do ! i love you !” Can see from his face that he was yup again , relieved. But as the time pass by, we get into couple of fights and oftenly, compare him with my ex. Theres a thing that he doesn’t have as what i had from my ex. My ex is very superb in looking. Trust me even gayboy also become a threat during our relationship. But this new guy, he have that cute looking face but not as cute as my ex. Whenever that comparing things come thru my mind, i always like fight with my inner self to not ever overshadow a person 99% positivity with a 1% negativity and stop loving a person by his look. Stop qusha stop. But still , this judgmental thinking cant avoid from comparing that 1% shit with my ex. Time after time, i am getting to know my boyfriend more and more. I learn that he is a family person, how much he wanted to have a family of his own. How much he wanted to have a baby and learn how to take care on a baby. He love animals as much as i do. He love to eat as much as i do. He even have love on me but he have so much than i do. it isnt because i hate him or whatever but after 3 years dating with my ex, i realize that its not easy to forget a person you have love with all you have. it isnt easy. Because in my mind i still thinking about my ex. i dont love him anymore but it doesnt mean everything has faded away. Sometime i ask my self if i really regret on my decision but i know time has flies. There is no such as turning back or else because my ex ard with a new girl and that girl was his ex before me and we had several time fight just because of that bitch and knowing that he with that bitch again literally mess my mind for almost a week. And by the time , i believe my bf can see it clearly based on things i have tweeted and shared in twitter. Thinking about it now how much he in pain patiently wait for me to slowly stop thinking about my ex makes me want to kill myself now. A good and kind man like him shudnt face with such of that stupid situation. Everything back to normal, and i was no longer in that freaking dilemma , we date more , share things more . Slowly i realize , my ex only have that 1% while him, he has the other 99% of what iw anted in a guy , in a person i wanted to be my forever, why can i be grateful this time. I learn that looks come after love. We had a very lovely dating days . I started to love looking on every inch and details on his face. its not about having a person who attract others to look but its about a person who attract you to look at him. its about a person who always give the best that he has in his life , a person who plan eveything for you and your future kids. its about a person who always making sure you are safe and always in the comfort zone of anything. A person who dare to bring you to meet his mom and let his family learn more about you , learn that this is why you were choosen to be his wife. its about him, and its about you. A person who willing to spend his money, time and effort just to suprise you even it just a small bag but think again how much he become very precise in everything you like, take note on things you wish you have. its about a person who stand on your side and always at your back. support on everything you wanted to do. always listen and fix everything that seems unsolvable. Everything seems so perfect. How much I wish my kids will have the same eyes as he has when he smile. how much i wish my kids will have a daddy like him. after all this time, i realize that he has what it takes to be my besfriend, boyfriend, partner, husband and father to my kids. he have everything insde him and its valuable. i will never let him go or let myself miss a guy like him. Like everything ! After the drama things, we plan for a holiday. Which i hope can fix all my stupid thoughts and attitude and try to make our relay better and stronger. Yup , it happened . The holiday went so well. by the time before departure, we were talking about food and suddenly i have to excuse myself to go to the toilet . i really dont think about anything as i came back to the seat, we were talking about our luggage when i decided to open my bag and show him how full it is but then i saw theres a polaroid bag inside my bag. i ard have one, and its on the table and he bought that for me. i ask my friend if she put her polaroid bag in mind but she said its not her bag. my boyfriend, he keep silent beside me . i ask him if he bought that for me , he said no. i asked my friend once again. she strongly said no its not her. i push my bf to tell the truth then he said , yup he bought the second bag for me. i was suprised again because i only have one polaroid camera, and why are you buying me a second bag ? he said by the time he purchased the bag , he remembered that i wanted the black colour bag but the shipping is too long to wait , it might arrive after the holiday date so he bought be the first bag in brown colour. he suprised me the first bag a week before the holiday and i was happy already because i love the brown colour as well. but then he knows my wishes is still not complete so he decided to buy the black bag for the second time and hoping that we will receive before the holiday and yup , it just arrived a day before the holiday. he want me to have the black beg no matter what . so that is how i can have two polaroid bag today. during the holiday,  i only have my phone with me just for taking pictures and on the rest of the time , i spend with him. We go to the beach together and walk by the shore . Spend the night together with cups of juice, under starry night sky. We went for food hunting together. we eat burgers, fries, seafood, we even had the best sambal belacan, we had kacang rebus, special milkshakes, chicken wings. The holiday has really change me into a new me. i have never believe that one day i will be as confident as i am today in a person who will completely become as a part of me. Everytime i look into his eyes , i can feel the butterly is now in me. He looks calm but i know i am not. he now can look back on me and its more than 5 minutes. My heart beating so fast, everytime . Because i know , i am looking on a person i am deadly in love . Deadly . He have that smile i love to see , his eyes is so shining so cute with the nice smiling eyes looking whenever he smile thru my camera . His smell , oh my god . His teeth is the what makes his smile even sweeter. I am going to lick that teeth i swear. his arm, that is where a girl like me shud be. his leg, yup this is suprising. he can carry me, let me sit on his lap with only one leg holding my whole body weight. that is impressing. he is so strong. yup physically and mentally strong . what a boy. no more doubt. i have no more doubt on him. he has to be mine forever. i never this crazy about my boyfriend. Tbh i have no more care on my ex. he has no idea how much i am in love with my life now. it better than i expect . there is no wrong in my decision and i am glad that i have done it . I have this few things of my ex belonging with me, thought of returning all his things back . I have decided to not to because is such a wasting time and money. I CAN BUY LIPSTICK instead … Yup , i love you Ahmad Aisar . Thanks. xoxo Qusha.