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#accepting my wants and desires
catgirlthot · 6 months
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kaddyssammlung · 7 months
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bumblingbabooshka · 3 months
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[Tuvok & Janeway: Control, Distance, Duty & Connection.] Sources: St Voyager Transcripts / Mitski 'First Love Late Spring' / Disco Elysium
#web weaving#star trek web weaving#st voyager#Kathryn Janeway#Tuvok#be the change you want to see in the world - make a long post about Tuvok & Janeway's similarities <- angel on my shoulder#I feel like a lot of people see them as 'opposites attract' sort of friends where Janeway is unhinged & Tuvok reigns her in#but in reality I think that while there is that element in there (exacerbated HEAVILY by their delta quad circumstances)#what I see most in their relationship is how they both value loyalty and duty above all and are extremely rigid with themselves#and the people around them. How they both have to maintain distance from others bc of their positions as captain & vulcan#I hate when people dismiss Tuvok as not being remotely interested in Maryana or Noss - it erases an interesting struggle that he and Janewa#both share - their desire to stay loyal to their spouses vs the 70 years of loneliness that that loyalty demands of them#But they BOTH triumph and they BOTH remain loyal (Tuvok until he returns to T'Pel and Janeway until Mark informs her that it's over)#and for both of them it's a little bit insane for them to do that.#Isn't it more interesting that Janeway and Tuvok both have feelings for people other than their spouses but don't give in#to that temptation?#They're both people who live very fastidiously by codes. Either written codes or moral codes - they very rarely if ever do things because#it's what THEY want to do. I'd say they're the least emotion-driven members of the crew and yes I'm including Seven because Seven#has a very...how to describe? It's a blunt and insular selfishness. She does what SHE wants to do and doesn't really care about others.#To me that's emotion-driven. Or...personal desire-driven? Not a bad thing at all but very different from Janeway & Tuvok who#are always more 'this is logical' or 'this is for the crew' rarely do they think 'this is what I want' bc they can't afford to#for different reasons (captain & vulcan)#they both also are in the most 'caretaking' positions on the ship from my POV. Security and Captain - both are directly in charge of#ship and crew safety.#Janeway & Tuvok#star trek voyager#st voy#when I say caretaking I'm NOT saying they're everyone's mom and dad or whatever - I'm saying they're in positions where they always#have to think about the greater good and the crew as a whole and how much danger is acceptable etc etc.#Janeway is always killing herself for the crew but Tuvok is right there beside her
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adelinamoteru · 1 year
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“jason doesn’t know what he wants” no, he does know what he wants. he wants the joker dead and he wanted bruce to be the one to kill him. but bruce won’t kill him, will never kill him, and now jason has to figure out how to reach the same end goal when to him, there’s only ever been and still only is one clear path to it.
its not that jason can’t figure out what he wants, he can’t get what he wants. he has to think about what to do now, how does he grapple with this situation now. how does he let himself fall back into his father’s arms when the only thing that will make him feel safe and comfortable enough to do so is off limits?
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year
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something he can't put into words.
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#ANOTHER DAIGO POST!!!! <333#also sorry for being like teehee yaoi dojima anyway daigo can't/probably shouldn't be close to his bio dad and latched onto this random#20 year old but Doesnt Quite recognize what is so wrong about sohei and so right about kiryu and how he should feel about either#meaning he cant fulfill his true desire (baby duck around kamurocho with his babysitter who's probably got better things to do bc people#always have better things to do than take care of him but at least kiryu pretends he enjoys it#for hours and hours and hours. some of the others ask him how he is or what he's up to at school but they don't really reach him like kiryu#does. he wants to impress him soooo bad. aughhh baby daigo you're annoying but you're also so emotionally neglected#haha latching onto mentors bc they're more involved/easier to connect to than parents haha who would do that not me ahem uh anyway#(skrunks be normal about and not project onto a kiryu + child dynamic challenge: impossible)#anyway he can't just say sohei's his father bc he's a big crime daddy but he hasn't really.. accepted? whats going on with kiryu yet either#i dont think he knows kiryu's his dad is my point#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza#dojima daigo#like a dragon#daigo dojima#ykz#i accidentally saved over soo many versions of this so i had to be like fuck it we ball. thats the final version of that panel now#gonna schedule this for later today bc i dont wanna stifle the kazumi posts but i also uh. am impatient#anyway more little daigo content he's such an ass but it makes so much sense why he's like that and he deserves a whole lotta love#also i just realized i used different name orders for kiryu and yayoi... sorry idk im just incapable of writing kazuma kiryu#uhOOPS POSTED IT EARLY NVM#yer gettin a loootta skrunk content today ig#skrunkart
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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erisenyo · 7 months
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Having thoughts about Blue Eye Samurai and desire, like this whole entire show is about wanting. Desire is presented as a means of self-awareness and self-knowledge. Who you are is someone who wants, and turning away from your secret lusts is an act of self-deception. It's turning away from your *self* and therefore putting you at war with yourself.
But we also see desire as a tool. Your desires wielded against you, your desires the means by which others can access and gain power, your wanting opening you up to be used by the object of your want. Knowing your desires means someone knows you in ways they can use, if your desires are overpowering enough to make you so singularly focused on them.
And yet muddled desires or misdirected wanting opens one up to aimlessness, to time and effort wasted, to being a piece in the game rather than a player.
Desire is a clarifying, motivating purpose. Recognizing your true desire gives you direction and momentum and moves you from passive reactivity to action, to agency. Singular, overwhelming, crystalline desire for revenge powers Mizu through every challenge. It is the source of Mizu's strength and when it is known it is what allows Mizu's enemies to set traps, to counterplan, to escape when otherwise they'd be caught.
Feel desire. Feel it strongly and deeply and powerfully and with overwhelming force. Feel your desire in every step and breath and moment, until it's all you are, and never show it until you absolutely have to, until you can't hold it back anymore and it explodes out of you.
This show is insane.
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failbaby · 5 months
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people on social media love posting a picture of some man and being like "you're fucking crazy if you can look at THIS and are still NOT into men 🤤🥵 how are people NOT into men when HE exists!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then I invariably look at the photo and have the same emotional and physical response I would to eating a slice of plain toast or perhaps gazing at a gray linoleum floor
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noscomnias · 1 month
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"even though we may take different paths, i am... still his little sister."
#PLATONIC!!!#brainrot ahead..#thought a little too hard abt sunday and robin literally being madoka and homura (AGAIN PLATONIC I NEED TO STRESS THIS)#sunday did EVERYTHING all for the sake of humanity and his sister.. he made countless mistakes to help her and even avenge her (alleged)#death and making himself worse? becoming order itself? hurting himself mentally? all for robin. all for His People#he became so obsessed with control and making sure everything went right but every single time thjngs found a way to backfire#so even though he was protecting robin it still caused her harm in the end bc of his own selfish desires.. literally homura..#and in the end? robin (madoka) saved him despite him trying to save Her. and it worked.#they did it all for the sake of each other and sunday accepts robins help despite wanting the upper hand because its his sister. he was#expecting to fall and die alone because its what his mindset was. he thought he deserved to fall and suffer. but robin saved him!!!#MADOHOMU DO EVERYTHING FOR THE SAKE OF EACH OTHER AND HOMURA HAS THE SELFISHNESS AND URGE TO SAVE MADOKA#AND IN THE END EVEN THOUGH HOMURA WANTED TO HELP HER SHE HURT MADOKA (SEPARATING MADOKAMI AND TEEN MADOKA IN REBELLION)#AND MADOKA SAVED HER FROM BECOMING A WITCH ANYWAY!! BECAUSE SHE LOVED HER!!!#they are such. ugh. platonic doomed sibling love thsy make me so GHHGJHG#my art#honkai star rail#hsr#penacony#sunbin#art#artists on tumblr#robin hsr#sunday hsr#hsr fanart#sunrobin#pmmm#madoka magica#third piece of art ive done with pmmm undertones? yep
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p1x1x · 24 days
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me pushing myself further with my art drawing really cool perspectives and whatever with the Duo and then i turn around and make lame cutesy ship art waaahhah 😭😭😭
dont read the tags on this if you havent watched gbc i just ramble spoilers 😭 just uhh screaming yknow. mostly mmnn but i like the other characters i swear its just these guys are making me insane
#UGGGGGGGHhhH the duo ever rn…#theyre jsut. so important to each other#supporting each other in their honest expression#FLIP OFF THE WORLD#and i mentioned once on twitter about how real mmk’s fear was#music is everything to her… so for those songs she wrote of her own expression to not be accepted or seen as successful..#yeah that Hurts#i totally get the feeling of wanting to quit… bc why would you want to be hurt that way…#OUUGGGH music (art in general) being able to leave a mark on people…! it can change people…! dont stop making art…!!!!!#but then there’s the side of me that sees all those moments and be like Hell yeah thats some romantic shit… wooo codependency yuri…#going into romantic ship mode#ouggggh but theres also the slightly messed up fact that mmk saw nn less as nn and more as her own past self#and how mmk was not really guiding nn the person so much as she was trying to fulfill her dream through nn#(ok my wording might get confusing but im RAMBLING OKAY)#GOD NN’S VA AND LINES WERE SOOOOO GOOD#mmk stuck in trying to amend her past…! but nn pulls her back to the present#back to reality and shows her that she can still fulfill that dream that desire…!#you saved me with that song its that important and i love it so i love you who laid bare your feelings#UGH THE TRUCK SCENE THAT THAT THAT UUUUGGGGHHFHH#she loves the real mmk…!#god what was i saying with codependency yuri earlier…?#oh right nn only being able to keep going now bc of mmk#hhhhhhhhh#and well. mmk having her happiness depend on keeping nn going (bc of yeah. seeing her past self in her…)#but the confession makes mmk realize what she was doing#(yet still good stuff for codependency yuri)#ok im shutting the fuck up now 😭
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vaguely-concerned · 9 months
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I am so mad about how desperately into pan I am. he was specifically made to fuck me up. they dangled him in front of me like 'hey would you like to see a sad clown trickster with emotional intimacy issues and a heart of, if not gold, then some mysterious alloy with qualities not at all unlike those of gold at the end of the day?' and I went 'boy would I!' and now I'm lost. I'm on my knees he's like if reyes vidal was actually redeemable instead of just a 'release my man he did do all of that but I don't care' situation
#the way he seems so genuinely *delighted* by grace finding her voice and wants her to be able to make her music again#even when she's not the muse anymore............ what the fuck that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my LIFE dude#low-key grace's biggest fan musically at least fhsajkd#stray gods#stray gods pan#(this is not a slam on reyes btw the fact that he's unconscionable is part of the appeal in that specific case lol)#I went into the game mostly blind and from what I had seen I fully intended to romance freddie#and then... this bitch shows up for literally one song and I have to restart the whole thing before I even get to challenging a queen#because I now desire the goat guy carnally and I want to duet with him for the rest of forever thank u#also I don't think I can ever not romance him now seeing the contrast between what he gets up to in the endings#what do you MEAN if you don't romance him he just goes off and no one knows where he is. he's still just so alone??? no not on my watch#(if freddie is dead ( :( ) and you romance him there's an *adorable* part in the epilogue where he tells you hekate has him running around#getting lost relics back in a series of distinctly indiana jones-esque misadventures and it sounds like he's having the time of his life#if this is what it takes for him to actually talk to his family without anyone being complete dicks about it I must solemnly accept#the terrible burden of kissing him on every single run through of this game. it cannot be helped it's out of my hands now)
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itspileofgoodthings · 7 months
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my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.
#I know it’s not true but sometimes I feel like if I didn’t have anxiety I would not suffer at all#which. again. is false#but there’s a lot of things I don’t want in this life and a lot of things I am not scared of and a lot of things I just accept#and like. It’s FINE#but all my suffering from anxiety stays in one fixed flame of sheer agony#and it’s hard because I don’t shake like a chihuahua in the corner of my bedroom#unable to move or function#I’m always doing things and functioning and joking at parties and (generally) saying the right thing#but it’s all located in one corner in the middle of my mind attacking my ability to make judgments and live with my decisions peacefully#like an unseen wound#and the distance i feel it puts between me and other people#is one of the most painful things#just several sheets of frosted glass between me and them#and sometimes the worst it gets is when I can bear it without breaking down and so I just do and I just keep functioning#and the cold just creeps in and everything goes kind of numb!#tbh now that I think about it this might be why I often think of myself as a person with no desires or ambitions or dreams#or impetus or forward motion or anything#because I DO want things and have opinions and the exist in flashes. But also they’re buried deep under several layers of protective apathy#so they’re not stable. I drop them many times. forget them ignore them imagine that they aren’t there. I’m sorry I’m rambling I’m FINE#actually when I talk about it that’s how you know I’m doing okay with it#when I can’t talk about it and am half-heartedly going through the motions#that’s the problem#anyway whew. thanks for listening sorry for all the self-reflection etc. etc. etc.
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sluttylittlewaste · 3 months
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Maybe this is just a me thing but the MOMENT I realize a person in my life, whether romantic or platonic, doesn't reciprocate my feelings - I drop it. If I say "Hey I really like you" and they go "Oof sorry, I don't feel that way " or they leave or they try to change the subject? I will never bring it up again. Fully never happened.
I feel like a lot of people (specifically with regards to the romance genre in media) have this fantasy of being chased and having someone fight to tear their walls down, or to stick around even when they are constantly being pushed away - and perhaps it's because I have always envisioned myself in these scenarios as the one forced to do the chasing - but it feels... sad? Imbalanced? Pushy and coercive?
I don't want a relationship I had to talk the other person into. I don't want to have to give a grandiose speech about all the reasons loving me is actually worth the effort, or roll out a full marketing presentation to convince my partner that our relationship could be a good thing if they just "gave it a chance".
If a person I care for decides not to be around me? I'm going to trust them to know what's right for them. I'm going to trust a person if they say they don't want me or don't have space for me in their life. The moment you say you don't want me around, I'm gone. Poof.
IDK. There is just something about responding to blatant rejection by trying harder that makes me sort of sad instead of the happy tingly feelings these stories are trying to elicit.
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Omgomgomomgomgofmggogmfofmgofflgmgofofmf IMA CRY! I just woke up to two emails from two different modeling runway shows that I really wanted to be a part of SAYING THEY FUCKING ACCEPTED ME AS A RUNWAY MODEL.. PMGGPGMOGMFLALSIDHSJALSJDBSKAKZHZHkzjxhxg
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eleyras · 7 months
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Anyway, Will's struggles with identity, responsibility, acceptance of himself and yearn for love are resonating with me in the same deep, gut-wrenching way Elena Ferrante's female characters do, hope this help you to understand how much this book is consuming me.
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theokusgallery · 4 months
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The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first
#siiiiiiigh...#im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT#poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay#writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying#there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and#(starts crying)#he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless#(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course)#god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him#he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires#he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem#don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw.#but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything.#even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy#he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay.#that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does#it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish#my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before...#which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much.#(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course)#arsenic#rant#sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)
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