skincaretrulumthings-blog

[slumbergoblin]

Repostober Day 16!

I'm not entirely sure what this was supposed to be, other than just some place in the Nether Realm.. (2019)

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

I want you to know I respect your opinion and at the end of the day you can do whatever you want on your own page, which I love all the art you do. Your White Diamond AU is so remarkable I've added it to my own headcanon idea of Steven meeting his alternate selves.

With that said, why are you responding to posts or asks that talk about blatant shattering of other gems? Real SU fans don't immediately go "death to the enemy." Real SU fans understand that SU is about love, acceptance, second chances, and pacifism. I'll admit, there have been more idiots in the fandom since the show's end, but in my humble opinion, it's best to not give any of them attention, even if they are annoying.

Sorry if I sound rude, I just didn't get responding to that one ANONYMOUS comment.

It's not rude at all! And it's a great question! One I understand the reasoning of.

But I have my own reasoning for doing the things I do.

Mainly, I think that while ignoring SOME behaviors is definitely good.... talking about OTHER behaviors actively is the fastest and healthiest way to immunize the greater community against them.

Let me explain.

I've been in this fandom a long time now, and I agree with you - there's a solid possibility, a real chance that whoever sent that message is just a passing non-fan who decided to be weirdly edgy in my inbox. No big deal. It happens.

But in my experience, the SU fandom is.... wide and varied. There are people of all ages, and many opinions. It would be easier, of course, if the only 'true fans' were those who perfectly understood the show's themes. But to me, that veers dangerously close to a No True Scotsman type of thinking. The reality is that many different people watch SU. And while many of them do inherently agree with the message and understand the nuance, many more just watch the show because... they like the surface level graphics and cool fights and interesting worldbuilding. In fact, many of the show's fans are edgy teens (sorry edgy teens) who are in a life-stage where violence and being strong and cool and decisive in a morally black and white manner is the only way they can possibly imagine solving any problem. And... that's kinda the opposite of what SU teaches! But that's also the point. SU teaches those things on purpose.

And yeah, I can absolutely just ignore this part of the population. But ignoring a behavior does not actually make it go away 100% of the time. If a child in a supermarket comes up to you and starts smacking you with a wooden spoon from Aisle 4, then... sure... you can ignore them and see if their parent comes to get them, or they go away, especially if it's a very small child and they're not hurting you a lot.

But that's not the only option. You can ALSO opt to teach them - and any other spoon-wielding children watching - what COULD happen if they are crude or cruel to a stranger in public. Namely, you can snap 'stop it' and at the very least glare at that child. This is a lesson that will arguably teach them more about the interaction than a complete lack of reaction would.

Now, I'm not saying people who send me asks are all children and I'm doling out some moral lessons here. This is just a metaphor.

I'm simply a person in a social space (tumblr) who is driving my own blog. And while I DO ignore a very large part of cruel/rude asks I get (trust me, I do ignore many!) I sometimes also just post a reply to show what ELSE could happen if you say a borderline silly and arguably tonally inappropriate ask to a person. You could get replied to! In a sarcastic or snappy manner!

And maybe - just maybe - the other people reading my blog can learn something from the experience, and think 'ah, so doing it like THAT will maybe make people kinda annoyed, now I know and will not do that'.

I cannot deny that overall I agree with you, though. I don't think that these types of messages deserve attention on the regular. But I'd hope that my replies to these things are not really... regular. I ignore probably... 80% of these sort of things? I guess maybe it just feels like a lot less, since, well. The public ones are 100% of the ones you get to see!

[crescentmoonlupin]

If you need help, I'm here to listen..

There are days that are easier than others. When you have depression, you tend to feel like the world is against you and it just feels like a constant battle that no matter how hard you fight, how much experience you have with it, it just never seems to be enough to throw at the problem. And of course, giving up is never ever an option cause once you do, the monster you are battling just gets bigger. Bigger to the point you just must live with the drooling, foaming beast.

I’ve had depression for a number of years, as of 2024, it’s been about 14 years since I was originally diagnosed, but about 17 since it first manifested itself within my mind. It's never been an easy beast to live with. I’ve tried destroying it by destroying myself. I held it down, but the bubbles never stopped coming up. I tried to drown it in sex, making it seem like the reason I was upset so much was because I was alone and needed the company to get me through, I cut myself so I could hold some sort of “control” over it but, of course that never works. Eventually it becomes an addiction that you don't realize you started, and it takes everything in you to stop. Years even.

To this day, I am still self-destructive. Some days, I wish I could still continue hurting myself, but I know its counterproductive, it’ll never solve anything. It just hurts everyone else who happens to catch it when the wounds are fresh. Cutting myself didn’t make me feel better in the sense I thought it would, it just gave me a false sense of control over something I didn’t have control over. The chemicals in my brain didn’t do what they were supposed to when they were supposed to, and I suffered the consequences.

I wanted to blame everyone else for my problems. My mother, my father, my stepparents. Sisters. Everyone who wasn’t me. “You made me do this!” I’d say, when really, I was the one who put the razor or knife to my skin and pulled. I made it count, I counted every mark, and it’s not a pretty number. Not only did I cut but I carved words into my skin, so I would remember why I did it in the first place. So many initials. Failure. Perfect. HIT ME! I’M NOTHING! Sorry :] Smile. And the list goes on from there. Now it’s just a bunch of scars.

I’m not ashamed of them, and I don’t really regret them, they’re part of me and it was what I thought I needed at the time, ultimately, I was wrong in the end, but teenagers never listen, do they?

I do wish I could go back though, and just talk to myself. Tell myself it does, eventually, gets better. That things do start going right, years down the road. That it’s not worth it to be so angry all the time, and to learn to love myself sooner so I didn’t have t struggle as badly as I am now at almost 30, because yes, we do make it past the age of 18, as surprising as that is for me to even believe to this day. Eventually we meet a man who loves us in his own special way, and we have the most beautiful son to raise together. And he loves that little boy as if he was made from his own blood. He reads him bedtime stories and helps him learn to walk. He teaches him to ride a bike and plays in his sandbox with him, the one he made him for his second birthday.

Things do get better, but you have to fall down so you can get back up, so you can grow up the way you need to, because it is necessary. Because as soon as you heard that little boy’s heartbeat for the first time, you know, you just knew, that everything was going to change and you knew that you would do anything for him, even if it meant changing everything so he could grow up better than you did. So, he can go farther than you ever got. So, you can make sure he is actually stable and doesn’t have to recover from his childhood. Make sure he is okay and knows he is heard.

I just hope I’m doing the right things when it comes to that little boy because I don’t know where I’d be or who I would be without him. There’re days where I struggle and all I want to do is to curl up into a ball and cry till I fall asleep. But I have this little boy watching me every day and I just have to keep going to make sure he has everything he needs to grow into a respectable human and a caring man. Fight for what’s right but know when to step back as well.

[khaopybara]

Ok I have written and rewritten this trying to get all my thoughts together about affair so l apologize if im all over the place.

I am glad that wan ran away and im actually having second thoughts about wanting them to be together. One part of me understands and accepts that pleng has been slower at realizing her own feeling for wan (it happens) while wan has been all in since they were kids. The other half of me wants to slap pleng and shout at her "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR, CANT YOU SEE HOW MUCH WAN LOVES YOU!?!?" THIS WOMAN MARRIED A GUY SHE DIDNT EVEN LOVE TO KEEP HER PROMISE TO PLENG AND HAD HOPED THAT PLENG WOULD SEE THEIR WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Admittedly a little extreme but I guess that's love!

During the entirety of pleng reading wans letter I was like "mhm yep" "so right" "exactly!" Wan said it all perfectly imo.

I feel like wan should only accept her back and forgive her if she agrees to go to both individual and couples therapy.

(also that tattoo shop was as busy as deane's 😆)

-🤫

In a similar manner, I've also written and rewritten this lol but I've been having so many feelings about WanPleng and Affair for the past couple of weeks, like seriously. And mind you, I will make no sense in this post. I'll sound like an hypocrite at times, but trust the process.

There was not even one character in Affair that didn't piss me off at some point.

Pleng pushes the protagonist privilege with me the most, and Wan has probably annoyed me the least.

But also, gotta give credit where credit is due (I suppose). The name of the show is Affair, so from the very beginning, I assumed they'd be problematic and not your usual GL sweet protagonists. I did expect it to be a more problematic-together thing, though, as in them actually being part of the affair (I could go on a full rant about Eek, but I'll stop myself), but instead, we got emotionally immature and stagnant former rich kid Pleng running away from every single one of her problems and coming up with solutions (that involve Wan) completely by herself without consulting anyone first. And it's not exactly an insecurity thing she developed for losing both of her parents + her wealth. She has done that since they were kids. It feels like an entitlement she has over Wan's life from day one.

On the other hand, we got overachiever Plengpleasing Wan who has tricked an already emotionally constipated and loveless Eek into dating and marrying her just bc Pleng told her to do it. She has always made her intentions so clear to Pleng, but I also wish she had used her words more, especially after they became adults.

They both need so much therapy and counselling, because if they stay together, it'll only be because they have this wrong notion that they are only able to love each other in this lifetime. And it's an insecure love, because in that letter, you can hear how much resentment she still has for Pleng leaving.

And mind you, I say this with love! They are extremely unhealthy to each other, and Wan's mom is kind of right when she says Pleng clouds Wan's perspective. They love each other unhealthily and at this point, they both deserve each other (and it's not like their options are good with a bunch of dudes who are all pain the asses. I'm not even kidding, not even one of them if a good fit. I didn't even remember who that Frank guy was and then remembered he's the one in the bike who I thought wanted Pleng first and then saw that Wan became a pretty teenager!!! And decided to switch his attentions to her instead.)

Anyway. I love them, and I hope they learn the magic of words and therapy and solve their issues. (Maybe they should get a therapist to every character, too.) Or maybe not. Stay unhealthy girls, but be unhealthy to others and not each other, alright?

[taddymason]

So I have yet to read Lightning Pin. (I have so many fics and books on my TBR. I'll get to it eventually. I really will!) But I've seen bits and pieces from your posts.

Do you think you'll wait to keep writing as new episodes come out? Or will you just write your own ending before we get answers from the show?

In your version will Jay re-gain his memories?

And most importantly, will Jay, Nya, and Kaida have a happy ending?

Hii thanks for the ask!!

1-It's hard to explain, but since I have already planned the entire arc that Jay, Nya and Kaida have to go through, it's really not difficult to adjust the plot to the episodes. For now, the second arc of LP covers the first part of DRS2 events, and the final arc will most likely cover the rest of the season's events. I'm lucky that with how long it took me to write the first parts of the fic I didn't have to wait long to update as the episodes come out. I also have, like, the biggest story planned in advance mostly because of the leaks (like the wolf warrior Jay one) , so it's very easy to plan each chapter and not deviate "so much" from the canon.

The fic already has an ending kinda planned, and the way things are going, if everything ends well this season, I don't think I'll change it and it would be a good way to close this fic.

2- I've been thinking about this a lot since I started the AU because maybe this will change, but the answer is no. And yes, because there are going to be a few little things that Jay will remember but it will be very at the end of the fic. There is a theme that I like to play with a lot when writing Amnesiac Jay, and that is that the ninjas hope that eventually when he regains his memories he will go back to being the "old Jay". They just have to wait, right? And everything will be the same as before. As if his "amnesiac personality" was just a temporary version that they have to deal with, because they have always been able to solve problems like this that have arisen (like with Nya, or the two times it happened with Zane).

So I like that they actually have to face the possibility that that may never happen. They have to stop expecting Jay to behave towards them like before and magically recover his memories, and instead try to start over with him and show him that they can trust them. And Jay has to accept that it doesn't matter if he regains his memories or not, it doesn't stop him from choosing to be better and stop thinking of himself as if he had been a completely different person before. Like, yeah, he obv has changed but he's still the same person, and he has to stop the denial of not wanting to look at his past identity with the idea that that "person is dead". No idea if they'll go down a similar route in canon, but I like the idea of ​​giving him an arc where he has a bit of an identity crisis where he tries to alienate himself from this older version of him and constantly justify his actions by believing he doesn't have another option than allowing himself to forget.

3-THEY WILL!! t's going to suck, yes, but they will get through it and have a happy ending. No spoilers, even if there are a lot of chapters left to get there, but the final chapter is called "The Dog Days are Over" :)

[canmom]

to (specific person) - I can't reblog yr post about game accessibility and you won't see any replies since I'm shadowbanned, so I'm posting on main, hope you see this on your dash ^^'

re: this post

so.... I think AAA studios actually care a lot more than you might think about tutorialisation and getting non-gamers up to speed on the conventions of games. they're targeting a much broader audience than most indies after all, and they have more resources to dedicate to playtesting and writing tutorials, as well as implementing accessibility options in general (look at the examples of 'best practices' for many categories). over the last decade, games have gotten much much better at creating tutorials that feel less intrusive, and teach how to play more effectively.

of course, whether they do, and how they go about it, depends a lot on the genre of game and the company in question. but if anything, a very common complaint among gamers is that modern AAA games are 'too handholdy' and don't give you space to work out how to play on your own. that isn't necessarily the same as being accessible without existing 'game literacy', but I think it is a big concern for at least certain types of AAA game.

anyway, the real question - at this point the indie dev scene is so big and diverse that it's hard to generalise. a boomer shooter and a narrative Bitsy game are both 'indie games' but they're targeting completely different people and trying to communicate completely different things.

I think Jackie's comment is right that many genres of indie games tend to be aimed at a self-selecting target audience of people who are already fans of that genre, and therefore often dispense with trying to explain it. that said, there are some indie games that really do put a priority on getting a player up to speed with a genre.

fighting games are notoriously opaque to beginners, but Them's Fighting Herds has a really good interactive tutorial on relatively advanced fighting game concepts such as frame advantage, way better than a lot of big-studio fighting games with minimal tutorials. I have yet to play it, but Neon White is widely praised as a game that gradually eases you into speedrunning.

for me as a game dev at a small VR studio, we end up talking a lot about how to make the basic interactions understandable, because interacting with VR games is a lot less standardised than interacting with flat screen games. it's also a medium where a lot of players are kids or don't play a lot of games. this is something you really gotta keep in mind when making games, because game devs tend to get into the business because they're very passionate about games, which means we have no idea what is unintuitive to most people.

an experience that was quite eye-opening to me was watching my dad try to play Portal many years ago.

on the face of it, you might think Portal would be a great first game. Portal is a game that is around 50% tutorial described as puzzles - it gradually eases you into the mechanics of how portals work and how to use them. the first few levels teach you to carry boxes, walk through portals, then they give you the ability to place just one portal, they teach you how to fling, how to redirect energy balls, etc. after you solve a puzzle, GLaDOS will usually say something funny, and this may be used to reinforce the 'lesson' of the level. the first half of the game teaches you the palette of mechanics, then the second half of the game assembles them into challenges.

but what Portal doesn't teach you is how to navigate a 3D environment using an FPS character controller. it assumes you know that, and briefly flashing the controls on the screen is enough. and for many players who are used to FPSes, this is second nature. but for my dad, the puzzle mechanics weren't the problem - simply moving around was confusing to him. he never got very far with Portal for this reason. my dad is someone who's played a lot of strategy games and adventure games back in the day, but almost no 3D games.

the tricky thing is always working out how much to assume your audience knows, what should be explained outright, and what should be set up as a puzzle to solve. people tend to find 'unnecessary' tutorials patronising, unless they're wrapped in enough humour. the game design side of youtube definitely talks about tutorials and teaching game concepts now and again, for example Adam Millard attempting to categorise the different ways games can communicate information and their relative advantages. I think it's definitely something we could stand to talk more about though, and a lot of that depends on listening to people who want to get into games but run into barriers that are invisible from this side ^^

oddly, difficult games like Dark Souls can actually be... better than you'd expect for non-gamers, because the reason they're 'difficult' is that everyone had to learn how to play them. Dark Souls is a very obtuse game which explicitly explains very little and expects you to learn to play through trial and error. however, that means someone who has played very few action games can learn Dark Souls with a comparable amount of difficulty to someone who's played other games, but not necessarily Soulslike games.

you may be interested in youtuber Razbuten's 'gaming for a non-gamer' series in which he observes his wife play through various games and what she finds unintuitive. naturally she does learn quite a lot about how games work over the course of the series.

the comments about Dark Souls in the previous paragraph are inspired by the video where she plays Elden Ring (a later game by the same developer) and ends up getting a pretty solid handle on how Soulslike games work. although I'm sure 'male gamer gets his wife to play games for a Youtube video' probably sounds pretty... ehhh, he genuinely brings a pretty thoughtful analytic perspective on the 'language' of games and how it's communicated, and I could imagine that would be interesting to hear about ^^

for my own part, I used to be pretty hopeless at action games. and I got better by playing a bunch of action games of broadly increasing difficulty. the first time I played Dark Souls, I really struggled - the hard bosses would take me hours to beat. but I liked the genre so I played lots of others like Demon's Souls, DS2, Bloodborne, DS3, Sekiro, Elden Ring alongside its cousins like Hollow Knight, and without really noticing it, I got way better at this type of game. When I came back to Dark Souls again a few years later I could breeze through challenges that were overwhelming struggles the first time.

humans are very plastic and very good at adapting to things. the constantly advancing skill frontier is a complicated problem for games. there's a fascinating video by Folding Ideas on how the way people play World of Warcraft has evolved, with an interesting anecdote how when they released WoW Classic, bosses that had been brutally difficult were blasted through in days because the way people played the game had become so hyper-optimised in the intervening years...

one problem resulting from this is that this leaves new players in the dust, and makes the game increasingly inaccessible. this is particularly acute in PVP multiplayer games - try to play a modern competitive FPS and you'll have a miserable time where you constantly die without really knowing why.

even in single player - a game aimed at satisfying experienced players in a genre is going to be a brick wall to people who haven't climbed that ladder already. a game that's still accessible to new players could end up being trivial to experienced players, who will then trash the game. but by trying to challenge the experienced players, you can increasingly paint yourself into a corner. (see a lot of complaints about the design of Elden Ring bosses from experienced Soulslike players.)

some games do manage to thread the needle though! Final Fantasy XIV very gradually (almost painfully slowly) introduces its core mechanics over the course of the very long game, and its 'roulette' system provides decent incentives for experienced players to regularly return to old content, so it's possible to find groups for almost anything. endgame FFXIV raids are fascinatingly intricate dances requiring all sorts of esoteric knowledge, but there are many gradations on the way up to that which will get you comfortable and are satisfying to play on their own. there's no obligation to play at the highest level to experience the story, but the option is there for the people who want it.

as far as CrossCode - I'd be curious about what your experience has been, what's been a sticking point, maybe I can think of some games that are an easier introduction to that type of mechanic!

if I wanted to position it relative to other games, I'd probably call CrossCode a 'Zelda-like isometric action/puzzle game'. it's leaning on the aesthetic of the last generation of 2D isometric games, like Chrono Trigger or Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, but it plays a lot faster like a modern action game (I think it has an iframe dodge, but it's been a while). CrossCode as I recall has a reasonable tutorial on its controls (shooting discs and stuff like that) but I could imagine going from that to stringing up long combos and quickly moving between groups of enemies, or navigating the large multi-screen areas, could be quite a jump.

but yeah I wanna help haha. I do genuinely love games, and I want to make games that don't necessarily assume you're intimately familiar with the last 10+ years of the medium lol.

[deusexlachina]

Antisocial DAO Part 6 (Nature of the Beast): Euthanize three of my own people for trinkets and cool powers

In which I prepare for disaster and things go shockingly well.

I impartially decide the best army is the Dalish elves, and set out to recruit them. They're happy to help, but they're sick with turning into badass werewolves. If anything, you'd think this would make them better soldiers, but it doesn't, so I have to go on a quest for the heart of the alpha werewolf.

The Brecilian Forest is full of sidequests, mostly to help out the Dalish. It turns out that several of these "side" quests are not so side after all, because these ones give you special items you can trade with a hermit to get a magical acorn to appease the rhyming tree and get through the forest, in an unusually whimsical segment of this gritty fantasy series. So, unless I want to fight one of two very difficult boss fights at my Low And Tender Level, I need to get one of these special items.

The easiest reward is from Camden's Lament, a quest where you stop fighting a relentless, massive zombie horde to help a guy with his girl problems. There are several ways to do this quest, all of which involve...social checks. As I flail helplessly through Camden's surprisingly elaborate dialogue wheel of helplessness, I try convincing Camden to actually flirt with the girl he wants, but this only leads to an unqualified sex ed lesson where he confirms he is a virgin. Ladies.

This fails to solve his girl problems, so I get no reward from him. And because I Am A Grey Warden and need to hurry to stop the Blight, I can't make any unnecessary world map travel - no going back and forth between the Dalish camp and the forest. Finding a trade for the hermit is gonna be tricky. I'll have to look in the forest itself.

Some werewolves block my path. I warn them of the consequences should they not get out of my way.

Because I Am Socially Inept, this is about as effective as everything else I try to tell people. The werewolves attack, for about seven seconds before I focus fire down their leader and he decides He Cannot Die Here. Fine. Whatever. (They attack again later and I fail to intimidate them yet again).

I encounter Danyla, an elf turning into a werewolf. I tell her I'm setting out to cure werewolves, so she should just sit tight, but she's almost completely beastmode, and I Am Socially Inept, so she doesn't listen and demands that I put her out of her misery. Refusing just makes her fight you to force your hand, and she never appears in the camp even after you cure everyone of being werewolves, so I bring out the trusty Murder Knife and kill her.

Just before she dies, she hands me her scarf to give to her husband. I promptly trade the scarf with the hermit to get the acorn and reach the werewolf lair. This is a frankly dickish course of action that becomes necessary because of my own exceedingly unforgiving rules - without backtracking or social checks, my options are down to "misplacing" a tragic keepsake, robbing my own people or murdering someone.

Inside the lair, I meet an ancient spirit tormented by his inability to die, presumably because he is an Arcane Warrior, the most hideously overpowered subclass in the game. In exchange for his secrets, I destroy him, just like I will destroy the game's difficulty level. This entire exchange happens telepathically while my party just stares at me, wondering if The Warden Broke.

Finally, I reach the heart of the werewolf lair. In an incredibly awkward cutscene, werewolves glare and growl at me for like a full minute. For some reason, the werewolves, who have a highly developed sense of smell, have attacked me at every possible turn. Fortunately, the stench of my miasma protects me. The werewolves decide to parley, a word which fills my heart with more dread than the word "werewolves."

The werewolves reveal that the clan's Keeper, Zathrian placed the curse, and only he can cure it. By dying. Unfortunately, Zathrian doesn't want to die. I didn't skip over a part where he comes over here, by the way. He just kind of appears right outside, agrees to parley, doesn't, summons demons, and refuses to elaborate. This is a truly hellish fight, but between picking off his minions and antimagic, I eventually prevail. Zathrian stands down...but we're still at a negotiation standstill. The only way forward is to convince Zathrian to die -

Oh no.

I can't convince anybody of anything! There's no way I can cure the curse and save my people! I wait for a social check to come so I can fail it, just like I fail every other social interaction, just like I fail my people. I wait for it, and...

What do you know, there isn't one. I distinctly remembered this route requiring a Persuade check, but I was wrong. Only the worst outcome requires a Persuade check. Convincing Zathrian to die takes no social skill whatsoever. I add him to the list of my own people I've euthanized for expedience and move on.

Honestly, I'm shocked this all went so well.

[yandere-monoma]

WHOOO KYM 2 COMMENTARY while i stall on working on kym 7

lots to discuss about a chapter literally called 'the exposition' hjgkfsg. if you didnt know, the way ao3 multichap updates works is that you dont necessarily have to title a oneshot chapter but the second you update it, you really get shown the option to title your chapters. so it didnt actually occur to me that i needed names for each one until chapter 2. i believe originally i was going to use a similar system as kyd where every chapter title was a command a la homestuck. however, i wasn't really utilizing the commands in the same way, i didn't really end the previous chapter with one and the plan for the next chapter... technically involves a command but not one i wanted to spoil via the chapter title.

the current naming system came into existence probably 3/4s of the way or more into writing this chapter, once i made the realization that the fic was, in fact, going to be at least five chapters. at this point in time, the plan was the following: the introduction, the exposition, the climax, the ending, the epilogue. this changed even more as time went on and more chapter ideas rudely crammed themselves into my brain, though it helped the structure a lot, because giving me time to fill out the space between exposition and climax made my brain happy HJSKFG

so, moving on, the fun part about chap 2 is that it really establishes the 'narration' as its own living function, something that is vaguely independent of the story rather than just a tool to present the story with, that both voices the author's and the character's thoughts depending on who is grabbing for control. this isn't an aspect i planned when outlining the fic but it's definitely influenced by 1) how much fun i had reading the epilogues and subsequent epilogue flavored fics 2) my desire to find some way to one-up the first chapter despite the topic matter not being nearly as extreme 3) the impulse to add in another experimental element to the story, especially now that the more abstract and poetic style of the first chapter was being removed

it's also incredibly fun to play with, because every time i struggled with describing something or wondered how i could transition from one point to the other, i realized - oh! i can just make the narrator state that very thing. don't know how i'm gonna build up from the end of chap 1 to the narrative goal of chap 2 (rose's mkultra moment)??? let's just get that all out in the open, then! problem SOLVED

it ended up being a hugely fun choice that allowed me to inject some humor into what's otherwise just a big ole pile o' unrelenting angst. it also helped me take myself less seriously, which lent me even more creative freedom than usual, like. GOD. it really helped turn this piece into something so rewarding, it overwhelms me. goddamnit homestuck why do you have to be so good

i just rewatched butterfly effect recently, god. back to the future i've never seen though. time references haha get it cuz his aspect is still time-

speaking of time, this chapter was the first attempt to really try and describe a zeta kid's classpect without coming out and stating it. there's a few interpretations of different phenomena's in homestuck that point out the implication of classpect powers being active before reaching god tier, or even before entering the game (though, usually in a way that is incredibly weak, premature and subtle enough to be missed by the user). one of the strongest examples that i based this chapter on was something the epilogues described: the idea that rose's obsessive writing as a child was based on her light powers feeding her vague visions of her future character arcs and plotlines. i really loved that and wanted a similar sort of plight for dave. i'll go off about what his specific title is at the end of this chapter but it's really fun poking at it now and then

the multiple narrators? seriously??? bit was me realizing i had to add a Multiple Narrators tag on ao3 after this. at this point of writing, i had no idea if i would be visiting anyone else's pov besides dave's, though.

attempt at homestuckian humor GO

™️ jokes are so funny to me for no reason

wink wink hint hint this is one of dave's powers at work, actually!! so, dave egbert actually has a perfect memory. like, there is not a single thing he's ever forgotten in his life, if he's experienced it, he can recollect that knowledge. this power also extends to the imaginary, the subconscious, and the supernatural, ie: in the event that dave experiences any visions of the future, he will retain that information. likewise, he has memories of every dream and nightmare he's ever had. which is fun because considering he's a dersite and also a time player and also dave, he has a lot of them HAHA. more on that later

The two of you had hit it off instantly despite this, like you had known each other your entire lives, like any and every other relationship that had come before it had merely been a warm-up for the monumental connection that would spark instantly between you both. ... You’re pretty convinced she’s your soulmate. If not that, you’re at least assured by the fact that you’re absolutely head over heels in love with her.

sentences i had so much fun writing knowing how badly it's going to mess dave up to learn that they're actually related HA HA

Especially at the start, Rose was mysterious and she was hilarious and she was overwhelming, the brightest thing you’ve ever had the fortune of witnessing. 

get it because she's a hero of light get it she's the light of his life because shes a hero of light get it get it she's mysterious because her class mimics its opposite at the beginning of the story so everything about her pre-canon arc clings to void but she!! is bright! like light haha get i- 💥

see, reading sentences like this means i HAVE to at least write enough of their session to let dave both die and kill for his rose, like

also i need to write her killing and dying for him. well. killing for him. well.

killing.

perhaps just killing him. HAHAHA.

it is very fun to think about this because rose honestly just. does not talk about her relationship with dave much outside of mentioning that they're together. her narrative is so focused on the things that she wants the audience to focus on, so this was such a fun chapter to reveal the things she decided isn't important enough to ever let us in on.

like, she is so adamant that bro is the only important person in her life and the only person she loves, but she deeply cares about dave. she feels the same way, that they're connected in this way she can't pinpoint or name. and claiming him is exactly the right way to put it, because i don't think she knows how to acknowledge those emotions in herself, but she knows that she needs him with her always and wants him entrapped in a way where he can't get away from her.

i think rose is just incredibly attracted to what dave represents: safety, normalcy, the mundane, a reprieve from pain, but there are things about him that she just inherently gets. he's an outsider despite how much he attempts to fit in and i think there's something about that she relates to but also wants so badly to destroy and keep for herself.

also, this is a thing that belongs more in hcs than in kym specifically, especially because i imagine this taking place way earlier in their relationship, but bro absolutely knows about her relationship with dave. it isn't a secret. it's a thing that amuses him greatly. i actually imagine she shares a lot of details about him to bro, like allowing him this voyeuristic entertainment because dave isn't a threat to him, not really, and she shares every single one of her belongings with him.

in a perfectly pornographic world the two of them would spitroast the fuck out of him but this is a partially pornographic world that involves a meaningful plotline or whatever 🙄 smh

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

this part was incredibly hard to write. not because it was difficult or emotionally taxing but because i reached this unfortunate impasse i find myself at every now and then while writing a lot of darkfic where i struggle with... it's not exactly the impulse to project, necessarily, more just.... feeling forced through into inevitability of it? or maybe it's the reluctance to use personal experiences vs the knowledge that doing it can benefit your writing (but also can hamper it).

like, very hard to write about a self-destructive teenager with violent tendencies without being reminded of the time when you were a self-destructive teenager with violent tendencies.

that reluctance is born from a rant i'm definitely not gonna get into unprompted but i'll just say that it definitely complicated things HAHAHA. i've definitely gone through a 'i'm going through a psychotic break and i'm going to ramble out 7835963463 crazy things into this dm window because the person on the other side said i could' phase. i've definitely just. been insane and vomited so many words out and ngl for a second there in the final draft when i was feeling too lazy to get into Stream Of Consciousness mode i was very tempted to dig up an old vent post and copypaste those thoughts in for rose but ultimately i thought that was disingenuous and a betrayal of her character SO

a fun but unexpected surprise was rose sounding far more like herself during her drugged moments of honesty. it's especially fun because even in the future when she doesn't have access to any sort of drugs or contact with bro anymore, i don't think she'll sound this much like rose lalonde either. it's like in her desperate search to find more of her brother, she's really just found a core part of herself that she doesn't have access to in this universe

'Is there a mechanical soul within me?' there is and his name is hal hi hal

it is actually incredibly fun playing with typing quirk punctuation. it's actually a style i utilized a lot in chatroom roleplay groups yeaaaaaaaaaars after homestuck ended, very much inspired by tumblr ventblogging typing styles, crytyping and all that. the idea that someone's mental state can and should be reflected in their typing style, which is something you really only see in canon in a character like gamzee (i cant remember if other trolls drop the quirk in times of duress in canon??? i think karkat drops his as a joke about volume sometimes but that's it). i don't even know if it even really comes across as blatantly as it feels when i write it, but it's so fun to see the consistencies in a way a character types slowly but surely fall apart as they grow unstable

so the way this is designed, it's as if rose had a moment of finally being in touch with the core of herself, with what ultimately makes her rose (complete with proper punctuation), before slowly but surely lapsing back into ro-stri as she loses her punctuation piece by piece, and then ultimately devolving even more as she abandons her capitalization to type in a way that's reminiscent of dave but, more importantly, bro's typing quirk

'I think there are lives inside me/the life inside me is his' is so funny to look at in hindsight. this chapter was halfway finished before the pregnancy plot had even come into being, and this was only ever supposed to be a reference to the identity blurring she's experiencing, and this half-truth, half-delusion about being able to sense everything lil cal has injected into her and her brother. it is so STRANGE to reread it now knowing that it's become foreshadowing to her pregnancy, especially with that next sentiment following it:

'Sometimes I wish it was yours'. again, that idea of being soulmates, being connected with someone permanently. and, again, that idea of codependency, and rose being unable to express or understand love without that need to merge herself with the object of her affection. and again this was befORE the pregnancy plot was a thing so now every time i read this line i sit here hoping people dont interpret it as rose wanting dave's baby HGJFKGSGSG i swear im not into breeding i sWEAR

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭

DAVE IS SO CUTE I ALWAYS DIE REREADING THAT PART HE'S SO CUUUTE

also i struggle so SO much writing comfort scenes especially dialogue meant to comfort someone but this came out so easily. perhaps because it's a futile attempt and i didn't have to worry about the recipient of that comfort actually feeling soothed...? hmmm!

i have nothing to add to the romantic cannibalism confession besides :3c

i don't actually reread this chapter all that often anymore so finding this paragraph was lovely damn shoutout to this sentence that made me choke on my water as i was reading it cuz i was so distracted by how much i didnt remember writing this that i forgot to swallow and my drink just slid down into my lugnshjskdfg

then it is a series of letters in a language you wonder if she’s made up, that is somehow so cohesive in its chaos that you start to doubt even that. 

more horrorterror references as if the literal last paragraph wasn't enough HAHA

a very fun part of designing and outlining the killswitch au is deciding who gets what plotline. for example, does rose strider get to go grimdark because she's rose? or does jade lalonde get to go grimdark because she's the lalonde with library access to the grimoire? unlike the characterization formula, there isn't an easy answer to this one. i'm mostly just going with what's more fun narratively and what makes a better and more cohesive storyline for the verse.

either way, though, ro-stri still has a connection with the horrorterrors, simply because she's a dersite and because i love a character that is so utterly doomed that every evil force on the face of the planet wants to take a turn on them. what's better than this... getting psychologically gangbanged by every demon in existence...

DID YOU KNOW I AM SO VERY FOND OF DAVE EGBERT AND HIS LOVELY PAPA WHO LOVES HIM SO MUCH

i am also so very fond of a dave egbert who cries alone in front of his computer cuz his girlfriend makes him so very sad every night like poor baby does Not Sleep and its so cute gjkgs

'its just prose' annoys the shit out of me to see because i wrote a similar line in a published piece of writing a couple of years ago so i can't reread this without being reminded of That hgjfkg

i will never write a strider rap i have the highest respect for any author who can but it'll never be me

their dynamic kills me HJKGFGKGS peak toxic romance right here god i wish i could write even more of it... i need to write more daverose so fucking bad....

a fun line because 1) i rly enjoy dave's half-forced half-genuine emotional voyeurism it's just a rly interesting aspect of his personality to write and 2) it's fun to have a moment with dave e's specific brand of humor since it's not as long-winded as a strider's would be

i rly forgot so much of this chapter HGFKGSGS oh dave... i love you... i love writing you so much...

stream-of-consciousness style writing is really fun like you get taken to so many unexpected places in the process. generally when i go SoC style i tend to have a few goals i want to land and this image, dave watching over rose in derse, was one of the big ones

ALSO THE IRONY OF DAVE CALLING HIMSELF HER PRINCE WHEN SHE IS ACTUALLY THE PRINCE OF THE SESSION HEHEHEHEHE

the lil cal staring contest is also another big one. it's just such a fun image to allude to like goddamnit i wish i could draw. it feels like an image that i can't even really describe properly what i want it to mean because it explains itself and there's not much minutia to pry free, it's just. them. rose inexplicably and perpetually being drowned in this cancerous evil at a rate that not even dave strider got to experience.

lmfao shout out to me explaining his memory power earlier forgetting that i explain it in the chapter HJSKFG

oh well NOW I GET TO ACTUALLY DISCUSS HIS CLASSPECT

so dave egbert issssss....

🥁 [drumroll] 🥁

the MAGE OF TIME!!!!

and changing classpects actually did something incredibly interesting to the story. killswitch never would have worked as a simple homestuck rewrite, because i dont think swapping the guardians is something that can ever be simple. so it didnt make sense to keep their classpects exactly the same, because they wouldn't have the same personalities or the same backgrounds to craft those personalities, or the same issues that were born of their uniquely shitty backgrounds. it also didnt feel as easy as making rose a knight of light and dave an heir of time, etc etc. like, while rose is not insecure in the classic way that knights should be (it can be argued that the 'i am my brother' facade can count towards knighthood... but her role in the story and what it will turn into once she joins the game definitely brands her a prince through and through)

through researching for killswitch i ended up coming to this conclusion about sburb and how i approach classpect and hs narratives in general:

and because of that, it was super easy to reassign everyone based on what they've been turned into through the switch in their roles.

it also made for another easy characterization formula: their aspect represents their 'nature' while their class represents their 'nurture'. so all the zeta kids still belong to the same aspect while their class changes rapidly, though how close or how far it is from their original class really depends on their character

anyway, mage of time is an incredibly fun role that actually breaks the rewrite narrative almost more than rose's classpect does. as the mage of time, dave actually steals the cryptic psychic role from jade and john harley (though, i do have thoughts on that matter, because there is still going to be a benefit for them from having access to prospit, and that plotline will still be involved in some capacity... probably).

and it's a very fun, partially accidental discovery within the au that the zeta kids are all... just a tad more prepared to enter sburb than their predecessors. rose is completely aware of the fact that she's training for something specific and dave... dave knows that the game is coming. he doesn't know the specifics, he doesn't know that it's sburb specifically that will bring them all together, but he knows there's an it, he knows the day he'll meet all his friends in person will be a day for the history books, and he knows that rose is in danger and that he'll be able to help her in a way no one else can.

some mage of time thoughts, many of which inspired and/or describe dave egbert's storyline:

source

source

source

the above was probably one of the first interpretations i read and really what solidified him as a mage, my initial thoughts to his classpect and how it interacts with rose's was the following:

and it's just so fun GOD rly hope i get to write in his perspective more in the future

haha yeah if we ever get to it yEAH if i ever get off my ass and actually finish writing this wholeass au which i nEVER WILL CUZ I DONT WANNA WRITE 500K WORDS GODDDD IM NEVER WRITING A HOMESTUCK AU AGAAAAIINNNN

[thelastspeecher]

Part 2

Should I try to come up with a title for this, since it's actually the first part of a two-parter (and the second part will be posted tomorrow)? Perhaps. But I'm sick so I'm not gonna expend the effort to think of a title. And also, no summary. See: I am sick. So here. Shining Armor AU thing. Enjoy.

Oh, and Happy New Year's.

——————————————————————————————

              There was a knock on Stan’s bedroom door.

              “Your Highness?” a familiar voice called.  Stan grinned.

              “Come in!” he called back.  The door opened.  Stan’s personal knight and secret wife, Angie, slipped inside and closed the door behind her.  Stan got up from where he’d been sitting at his desk, going over maps of potential new trade routes.  He walked over to Angie and embraced her tightly.  “What brings my knight here on a day she’s supposed to be training the new squires?” he whispered in her ear.

              “Grave news,” Angie said in a shaking voice.  Stan stepped back, suddenly worried.

              “What is it?” he asked.  His eyes widened.  “Your family?  My family?”

              “Um…”  Angie anxiously played with the wedding ring Stan had collected from a magical creature for her.  As her marriage to Stan was not to be known to other than a select few, she kept it on a chain around her neck, tucked under her tunic.  “Both, I s’ppose.”

              “Huh?”

              “Stan, I…”  Angie took a deep breath.  “I’m with child.”  She met Stan’s eyes.  “Your child.”

              “I- I would assume,” Stan sputtered, trying to overcome the dread that had promptly filled his every inch.  He dragged his hands down his face.  “Son of a- we only did it one time!  How did this happen?”

              “I apologize,” Angie mumbled.  “I followed the instructions I knew of to prevent pregnancy.  But even those failed in the face of my fam’ly’s fertility.  I should have known better.  Pa says we were blessed by a fae to have many children see adulthood.”

              “We’re gonna talk about that fae thing later,” Stan said.  “Right now, we- we’ve got to figure out what to do.”

              “Agreed.”  Angie shuddered.  “My Ma, she’s told me of methods that can be used to halt a pregnancy.  I can go to the apothecary to get what I need.  Of course, Sir Banjo purchasin’ those herbs would raise questions and perhaps rumors.”

              “You want to get rid of the baby?” Stan asked in an undertone.

              “I don’t know what other options we have, Stanley!  I can’t exactly bear a child without bein’ found out!”

              “What if you go back home?”

              “And return to my post once I give birth?”

              “…Yes?”

              “That causes more problems than it solves.  Fer one thing, you’d never be able to see yer child!  Is that what you want?” Angie demanded.  Stan shook his head.  “I- I don’t want to lose this child.  But I don’t see other options.”

              “I mean, I could always fake my own death,” Stan said with a shrug.  Angie’s eyes boggled.  “Ford’s the heir anyways.  You’ll say you want to stop being a knight ‘cause you’re so broken-hearted by my death.  We leave and settle down somewhere no one will know who I am.”

              “The whole reason I dressed as a man to become a knight was to avoid that sort of life,” Angie said.  “I didn’t want to be stuck in a tiny village, keepin’ house and makin’ children.”  She covered her face with her hands.  “I still don’t want that.”

              “Fine, then what are we gonna do?”

              “I- I don’t know!”  Angie rubbed her eyes.  “I wish there were more options than just those few.  But those are the only ones we can think of.”  She paused.  “Though perhaps someone else could help us think of more.”

              “Whom?  Our brothers?” Stan asked.  “They wouldn’t have a clue.”

              “No.”

              “Well, we definitely can’t tell my parents.  You’d be allowed to live long enough to give birth, but beheaded right after.  And I’d be banished from the kingdom.”

              “I was thinkin’ we could talk to my parents, but thanks fer that lovely prediction,” Angie said.  Stan shrugged again.

              “I’m just being realistic.”

              “Hopefully it ain’t our reality,” Angie said quietly.  “My parents, they’re much smarter than you’d expect from commonfolk.  My ma, she was actually the one who taught us all how to read.  She even taught my pa.”

              “Huh.  Weird.”

              “We’ll need to come up with an excuse to visit my fam’ly.”

              “No problem.”  Stan went back to his desk and picked up one of the maps, which showed the kingdom’s southern border.  The town Angie grew up in was so close to the border, it was practically in the neighboring kingdom of Lirone.  “Father’s been wanting to establish trade routes with Lirone for ages.  I’ll say we wanna do a scouting expedition, just the two of us, to check out the border.”  He looked back at Angie.  “Is there a time limit on the herbs?”

              “They can be used before the quickening.”

              “And how long does that take?”

              “About five months.”

              “Good.  That’s plenty of time.”  Stan set the map down and went back to his knight.  “I’ll start working on the trip plans right away.”  He wrapped his arms around Angie.  As he squeezed her, he imagined hugging not just his wife, but his unborn child, too.  He kissed the top of Angie’s head.  “We’ll figure it out.”

              “If you say so.”

              “I’m a prince, remember?  What I say goes.”

-----

              Stan looked at Angie, who was riding her horse Daisy sidesaddle as they entered the small hamlet Angie had grown up in, Gumption.  She didn’t often ride sidesaddle, given that she wasn’t often dressed like a woman.  But once they had put some distance between themselves and the castle, she and Stan had changed their clothes to ride without attracting attention.  For Angie, that meant wearing one of the dresses she kept at the castle in case she needed to drop her disguise of Sir Banjo.  For Stan, that meant wearing clothes from one of Angie’s brothers.  Stan asked if he should wear a hooded cloak to cover his face; after all, it was almost identical to Ford’s face, which was on currency.  Angie, however, said that it would just attract more attention.

              She didn’t seem worried about someone realizing I’m related to the royal family.  Kinda weird, since she worries about literally everything else.  But at least it means she’s wearing the cloak.  It was a cold, early morning, and they had already been traveling in poor weather for two days.

              “Angie?” said a young woman sweeping the front step of a bakery.  Angie forced a weak smile.

              “Hello, Leighanne.”

              “What brings ya back to Gumption?” asked Leighanne.  Her eyes landed on Stan.  “Is he yer betrothed?”

              “No,” Stan interjected.  “I’m her husband.”  Leighanne’s jaw dropped.  Angie groaned softly.  Stan bowed his head.  “Sir Stan.”

              “Angie!” Leighanne gasped.  “I overheard your ma and mine discussin’ that a knight had begun to court you, but I didn’t realize you were already wed!”

              “Yes, well, that’s why we’re visitin’,” Angie said in a tremulous voice.

              “Please stop by once you’ve talked to yer parents.  I’d love to catch up.  Maybe hear some stories ‘bout castle life.”  Leighanne smiled at Stan.  “And meet yer husband, too.”

              “Of course, Leighanne,” Angie mumbled.  Leighanne went back inside the bakery.  Once the door closed, Angie glared at Stan.

              “What?” Stan asked.  “You said you’ve been sending letters about a knight courting you, so that your parents would stop trying to set you up.  I just went with that.”

              “No, you didn’t!  You didn’t say we were courtin’ or even betrothed!  You said we were wed!”  Angie groaned again, louder this time.  “Word moves fast in small towns.  We need to pick up the pace if we want to avoid any confrontations.”

-----

              They managed to get to their destination without any further interruptions from curious townsfolk.  Stan hurriedly dismounted his horse, Shanklin, then went to help Angie down from Daisy.

              “I’m more experienced at horseback than you,” Angie snapped.

              “You’ve also been dizzy the entire time we’ve been traveling,” Stan retorted.  “Last night, you almost fell on your face dismounting.”  Angie glared at him.  “I’m not gonna let my pregnant wife get hurt.”

              “Ugh.  Fine.”  Angie took the offered hand.  Stan noted silently that she did seem to be a bit off-balance as she set foot on the ground.

              But since she’s already pissed at me, it’s probably not a good idea to say “I told you so.”  Stan mentally thanked the hard work his tutors had put into teaching him how to keep his mouth shut instead of putting his foot in it.

              “Have you quickened yet?” Stan asked softly.  He placed a hand on Angie’s stomach, which had a slight swell to it.  Thankfully, her armor covered any hint of the pregnancy so far.  According to Angie’s estimations, she was a little over four months along; it had taken Stan longer than he wanted to set up the trip and get approval for it.  He’d been tempted to just take the trip without getting permission or even letting anyone know.  But the whole point of the trip was to avoid being noticed.  A prince and his knight disappearing would cause chaos throughout the entire kingdom.

              “No,” Angie replied, just as quietly.  “But any day now, it should happen.”  They had stopped at an apothecary a few towns over, so that Angie could get the herbs in case they decided to end the pregnancy.  Stan swallowed nervously. 

              “Then we better get this over with.”  They walked up to the door.  Angie knocked.  While they waited, Stan took ahold of Angie’s hand.  He squeezed comfortingly.  Angie squeezed back.  The door opened, revealing a middle-aged man with Angie’s nose and warm smile.

              “Banjey!” the man exclaimed.  “It’s such a delight to see my lil girl!”  Stan let go of Angie’s hand so she could embrace her father.  “Oh, have ya put on some weight?”

              “Pa!” Angie protested.

              “I ain’t opposed to that.  You’ve always been so thin!  Ya get it from yer ma’s side, y’know.”

              “Yes, you’ve told me ‘fore,” Angie said, rolling her eyes.  Mr. McGucket turned his attention to Stan.

              “This must be the young man you’ve wed without my blessin’,” he said, his voice still cheerful, but his eyes threatening.

              “Wh- how’d you know?” Stan asked.

              “I warned you,” Angie said.  “Word travels fast in a small town.”

              “We told one person.”

              “And she was the worst possible person to tell, if’n ya wanted to keep it a secret fer a bit longer,” Mr. McGucket said.  “Leighanne’s a nice young lady, but she tells her ma everything, and her ma can’t keep a single word to herself.”

              “Great,” Stan muttered.

              “Please, come in from the cold,” Mr. McGucket said, gesturing for the two to enter.  “Banjey, yer ma is in the kitchen.  We can discuss whatever ya wanted to discuss there.”  Stan followed Angie into the cozy but cramped house.  She led him into a kitchen, where a middle-aged woman was putting a kettle on the stove.  The woman turned to see who had entered.  It was immediately obvious that she was Angie’s mother.

              Angie might have gotten her nose from her father, but she got everything else from her mother, holy shit.  They look almost identical.

              “Sweetie, what a delightful surprise!” Mrs. McGucket cooed, wrapping her daughter in a warm hug.

              “It was a surprise until Leighanne’s ma told ya, at least,” Angie muttered.

              “Yes, I think we need to teach yer husband how these things work in small towns.”  Mrs. McGucket frowned.  “Banjolina, yer not with child, are ya?” she asked pointedly.  Stan broke into a cold sweat.  Angie, however, didn’t bat an eye.

              “Ma!” she exclaimed, sounding scandalized.

              “Sorry, my intuition’s just soundin’ off, sweetheart.  And I can count the number of times my intuition’s been wrong on one hand.”  Mrs. McGucket looked at Stan.  “…My intuition’s tellin’ me somethin’ else, too.”

              “Can we at least sit down?” Angie asked.

              “Oh, of course!”  Mrs. McGucket kissed Angie on the cheek.  The kettle began to whistle.  “I’ll pour some tea.”

              “Thank you,” Angie said.  She and Stan sat down at the kitchen table.  It was sturdy, if visibly old and used.  Stan ran his fingers along a name scratched into the wood.  “My brother Harper did that.”

              “I wish I was allowed to write my name on the table,” Stan muttered.  Mrs. McGucket placed a cup of tea in front of him and another in front of Angie.

              “Oh, he weren’t allowed.  He got in big trouble when we caught him,” she said firmly.  She placed two more cups of tea down across from Stan and Angie.  She sat down.  A few moments later, Mr. McGucket came into the kitchen and sat down next to his wife.  “If’n ya don’t mind, darlin’, I’d like to start.”  Angie and Mr. McGucket nodded.  Mrs. McGucket’s eyes met Stan’s squarely.  “Are ya a legitimized child?”

              “Oh, great,” Angie muttered, rubbing her forehead.

              “It’s an important question!  I understand yer husband is a knight already, but if he’s legitimized, then there are a lot of things we need to discuss.”

              “Ma, it’s not-”

              “What do you mean?” Stan asked.  Angie looked at him wearily.

              “My ma thinks what everyone we’ve come across has thought.”

              “Which is…?”

              “That yer a child of the king through an affair,” Angie said.  Stan’s jaw dropped.  “If yer an affair child, normally ya ain’t allowed to be in line fer the throne, but if the king decided to legitimize ya-”

              “I’d be a potential heir, yeah, I know,” Stan said.  He looked at the McGucket parents.  “I wasn’t legitimized.  ‘Cause I didn’t need to be.”

              “Elaborate, please, son,” Mr. McGucket said.

              “I’m not Sir Stan.  I’m Prince Stanley.”  Mrs. McGucket gasped, her hand covering her mouth.  Mr. McGucket turned pale.

              “A prince married a scullery maid?” Mrs. McGucket squeaked.

              “No.  A prince married a knight,” Angie said.  It was Mrs. McGucket’s turn to go pale.

              “Banjolina Quinn McGucket, you didn’t,” she scolded.

              “I did.”

              “You-”  Mrs. McGucket stood, her hands resting on the table, fury in her eyes.  “I explicitly told ya not to pursue knighthood!  A young lady don’t belong anywhere near that nonsense!”

              “Like I’ve ever cared where a young lady do or don’t belong!” Angie snapped, standing as well.  “It’s over and done with, anyways!”

              “Sally, Angie, sit down, please,” Mr. McGucket said.  His wife and daughter slowly sat.  “We won’t resolve anything like this.  And I don’t think we’ll make much headway askin’ more questions, neither.  We need to let Angie and her husband tell us the whole story.”

              “That’s gonna be the way to go, yeah,” Stan agreed.  He looked at Angie.  “Should you or I start?”

              “Yer the prince,” Angie said cheekily.  Stan rolled his eyes.

              “Fine.”  He turned back to the McGucket parents.  “It all started a few years ago, when I jumped out of my bedroom window to sneak out…”

[estranged-foreigner]

Anxiety

Such a strange concept that affects so many people: one day you're normal, and the next it feels like everything is a problem and you can't solve them; you just gotta deal with it. Deal with my heart racing at every step I take, the fact that actually breathing seems so much harder than it usually is, and how everything can just go wrong in a second.

Anxiety, for me personally, is when I walk into a crowded place and it feels like everyone is staring at me and judging me for every decision I make, and I start to feel so bad, doubting all my decisions, feeling like I'm going to throw up all my organs.

Anxiety for me is when I finally find the courage to get out of my room, and then every single thing seems to be against me: the light is too bright, feels like it's burning my eyes, the floor is too cold, my family comes right up to anoy me, I know it's "for my own good," but I still am unconfortable.

Anxiety for me is when I can't seem to do something right, and then my own frustration turns against me, and crying seems to be the only option to relieve that, but everyone around me is just so worried about me, and all the attention makes me feel like an attention seeker. All those eyes looking at me, it just feels like they are passing eight through my skin, straight to my mind.

Anxiety makes me feel so vulnerable.

[kirbyddd]

my own negative totk rambling

TotK has so many arbitrary restrictions on its building it's not even funny. You can't even build a simple glider because wings despawn after 30 seconds of flight.

Aonuma's like a helicopter parent who suffocates their child with constant denial of freedom. His entire design philosophy unravels the moment you stop and ask the question, "Yeah, but would it be more fun if that restriction wasn't there?" It rapidly becomes obvious that the enjoyability and sustainability of the game experience was not the primary concern of its designers.

When you stop and ask "Why is this mechanic restricted like this?" the answer is inevitably "So we didnt have to account for more potential player actions."

Speaking from personal experience as a hands-on developer in a couple of professional-level games now, having seen a few design projects unfold from infancy to full product... The mindset of trying to address balance issues by simply cutting off gameplay implications at their source is such an easy pitfall to fall into. Before you know it, you're trimming more and more mechanics and forbidding more and more applications until you realize your game has been locked away from what made it so compelling in the first place.

You realize if you want your game to be an experience people look forward to and not just an arbitrary time waster, you have to put on the big boy pants and dive headfirst into those overwhelming implications of your systems, and lean into what empowers the players, rather than crippling their options to save yourself a headache.

It's baffling that Aonuma has now had nearly 30 years in the field and still systematically falls into the "just solve the problem by forbidding the system altogether" mindset. You have to wonder if he's gone back to not actually playing his own games. So many aspects reek of "Well I'm not exactly enjoying this, but this is my job. Surely other people will enjoy it once it's out there."

Good designer's rule of thumb is, if you aren't compelled and inspired by your own work, the only people who will be are the ones who project so much onto what they consume it doesn't matter what it actually contains.

TotK feels like wistful dayjob design, not "I'm doing what i was made for" design. When we finally get on-camera interviews, I somehow doubt the developers will be lighting up with excitement when they talk about it.

"Wouldn't the game be more fun if this restriction wasn't there?" "Well, yes, but that wasn't what we were going for."

Aonuma's no Yonebayashi.

[matzobs]

[cw: I am a parent processing my emotions about my kid behaving inconsiderately and this post touches on intergenerational trauma, religious trauma, & transphobia, so that I don't direct it at my kid.]

My kid was inconsiderate at the Purim Spiel last night and I, being new at parenting, didn't realize making him sit in the lobby or the car while the rest of us had fun was an option, so I decided we should come home early.

We got home and his mom showed me that he wasn't sad, he was acting badly, and this morning I'm accepting that I got manipulated. He's 12, that'll happen.

My brain thinks that being manipulated is a problem, so it's trying to solve it. Here are some terrible ideas it's come up with:

* Control every minute of his life until he can "show me he is a considerate person" or some other nebulous achievement or I get tired of doing that

* He's grounded! Remove all opportunities for him to do the things that help him regulate himself, and just really make sure he knows for like six months that he was bad in every minute of every day.

* Spend this time before school really digging into how bad he made me feel. Make sure he really feels how shitty I feel, even though he can't comprehend it, and then tell him his mother is going to talk to him about it after school, and kick him out of the car.

* Just really be physically withholding for as long as I feel bad. No hugs. No I love yous. Just cold. So he knows I think he's an asshole in his bones.

*Don't ever take him to anything at the Temple ever again. Cancel his Bar Mitzvah. Tell him he doesn't appreciate the opportunity so he doesn't get to be Jewish.

* I could maliciously make him late for school today. I could just make him do all his chores and then drive him to school in my own time.

* I could make an "infographic" (like we have for his routines) listing the things he should be embarassed about.

Just out here rawdogging BPD and raising a child. I will not be doing any of that, thanks brain, you're so good at coming up with revenge plots and we should like write some fiction or channel it into art. None of those options are going to achieve the desired results, and all of them are pretty destructive, so let's just not.

I did wake him up a little early this morning to eat breakfast. It feels like I'm getting my little revenge because he doesn't get to lay in bed until the second alarm, but he does need to eat some breakfast because his tantrum last night was about how he didn't like dinner and he didn't end up eating it, so that's actually good parenting and I'm fine with that decision.

Baruch Hashem Adonei Eloheinu Malech Ha'olam thank you for giving me anger so that I could use it's fire change the world for the better and the ability to manage the emotion and direct it appropriately, and not at my child. And if you could possibly help my kid be like Ephraim and/or Rebekah that would be tops.

And his mom is going to talk to him about it after school, so all I have to do is manage the trauma response rising within me until I drop him off at school.

That's something parents never seem to talk about. I suppose my dad sort of was talking about it when he shouted "at least I don't hit you" at me while his hand was in the air. I don't think that's a constructive jumping off point for a conversation for a child tho. Here are some sources of pain that are informing this moment:

*I do not have good parenting models and this is a lot of work, and I am trying to get a promotion at work and finish a painting and otherwise live an adult life, and this is bullshit.

* When he behaves badly, the way he behaves badly is the way cis het adult men behave badly on dates. This is because cis het adult men never have to do better than a 12 year old, and then they went on to model this behavior to him.

*He's up now and he's love bombing me. Which I fucking loathe. It makes my skin crawl so bad. I know I have to teach him that this doesn't work, when you harm someone, you make amends, you don't love bomb, but I barely know the difference myself.

* As his father, it's my job to model different behavior, but I'm a butch lesbian and not a cis het man so maybe he won't see me as the role model he needs and he'll continue to follow the example of the cis het dudes.

* This is my first Temple, and it was my first Purim Spiel and I wanted to see it and shout at Haman and cheer on Esther, and I didn't get to, and there's 40 years of religious trauma behind this bullet point.

* Parenting in community is challenging in ways I don't yet fully understand and can't yet anticipate and I can feel the other parents being embarassed about things and I don't know if I'm supposed to be embarassed (I refuse to be? but maybe I am?). Before this guy moved in with me, I was cautiouly participating in the t4t kink mutual aid community, and the mores about judging one another and ourselves are just different.

* There's an absolute MILF who was flirting with me and we were going to sit next to each other and I didn't get to do that.

Ok.

All I have to do is get him to school untraumatized. There's less than 10 minutes before we leave. I can do this. I can do this.

it's already time to goooo! hooray I'm doing it!

[medicinemane]

I think I've figured out how to solve windows updates sucking so bad (not as in something we can do about it, how I'd fix it if I were in charge of microsoft)

Cause everyone's problem is that it's annoying as hell to have it insist on updating when it wants to update and you have to fight with it to stop it from doing that, right?

And I assume the logic is "well what if there's a major security update?"

So I'm pretty sure this would be real simple to implement

You need two new windows sounds, one for "update ready" and one for "urgent update ready". Second one isn't an annoying sound, just something pretty unmistakable

Then they've got that little notification icon in the bottom right of the screen, yeah?

If there's a regular update, make it solid yellow till the user clicks it, if it's urgent make it flash the way something like discord does. You click it, it gives you info on what's actually in the update... literally just patch notes, important stuff first, blah blah later, same as you would with any patch notes

If it's an urgent update you say in big bold letters "URGENT SECURITY UPDATE, PLEASE RESTART YOUR SYSTEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE", followed by patch notes probably telling you something like "we screwed up bad, please update for the fix"

Now this is the key, you 100% can't cry wolf with this even once. This is for those massive breeches where people can backdoor everyone's systems, the urgent update is in essence the nuclear option

Why? So people will actually take it seriously

You do all this, you're no longer having to force people to update on some schedule, they literally can just do it the next time they shut off or restart their computer. You give them a little notification that an update's ready, you make them open a screen at their convenience so they can get rid of the yellow update notification in the corner which should bug people enough to notice but not enough to piss them off, and then they can read if they want to decide if they want this update now or later

Everyone's less pissed at you cause you're not strong arming them, you're not interrupting things they're doing or like... restarting their computer in the middle of the night while it was compiling something lets say... you're not taking away their choice

And again, you have a way to let people know "HEY, THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT TO UPDATE FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!!!!" in a way that's not gonna piss them off by ripping them out of what they're doing, but it'll make sure they notice it soon

They'll never do this of course cause microsoft are a bunch of control freaks and also this would make it harder to slip in scummy data harvesting what with the easily accessible patch notes... like the way they do things isn't a glitch, it's the way they want it

...I'm just saying they could stop pissing everyone off if they wanted, they just don't want to

And I came up with this in a couple of minutes while fighting my insomnia at 10 in the morning... imagine what they could do with actual software devs if they wanted or cared (so also if there's flaws in this I don't really need to know, cause again... idea by an insomniac, I'm sure they could do better)

(Poorly optimized trash, wretched anti consumer... every damn thing about anything microsoft touches. There's a reason I'm putting linux on my next computer even if it'll be more of a pain than just going with what I know. I haven't heard a single positive thing about 11... at a certain point I need to back up my words and not use them anymore, and so the cut off is I'll keep it on the stuff that has it, but I'm not putting it on anything new I get)

[musicarenagh]

Unleashing the Soundscape: A Conversation with Genre-Defying Musician Parham Gharavaisi Welcome, let us dive into the world of multitalented Parham Gharavaisi, a musician who makes sounds like he blends colors - strong, surprising and completely his own, this man mixes types of music just as a crazy scientist does in an audio workshop. Parham is not like most people in the music industry. He doesn't like trends or want to be well-known. He just creates music for himself, where he pours his heart and spirit into every note. He does this even if it means being alone in a world that likes to put things into boxes. He's like a rebel with guitar, finding his own way in the music world. This might come as a surpise, but when it comes to production, Praham producedand recorded “Mirror’s Gaze" with close to zero musical instruments, but not much equipment, making his own recording and trying to understand the puzzles of music world comes with some problems he meets. Parham Gharavaisi’s songs are puzzles waiting to be solved. It's a window into his thoughts, where video game sounds mix with metal shouts and everything in between. In a recent interview with Mister Styx of Musicarenagh, Parham made lots of disclosures and we'll talk about where he gets his ideas, how he makes music and the big hopes that come with every song. When asked about his plans this is what he said “Additionally, I have two upcoming metal albums scheduled for the next two years, both professionally produced by other studios for the first time. The first album, titled Ghosts of Nations, is set for release on October 14, 2024. It's a rather grim album that addresses sensitive subjects such as societal collapse, domestic abuse, suicide, and mass shootings, among others. I hope to approach these topics in a tasteful manner. The second album, Infect the Clouds, is a concept album featuring a villain protagonist who is a disgruntled misanthrope seeking revenge on humanity. This album is scheduled for release on October 14, 2025.” Mirror’s Gaze’ is expected to be released on 24th  January so stay closed to have an experience of this. Here is a link to the official YouTube video which will go live on release day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulA2FMDRdw8 Follow Parham Gharavaisi on Twitter Spotify Soundcloud Bandcamp Youtube Telegram What is your stage name Parham Gharavaisi, same as my real name. Is there a story behind your stage name? I had to choose my full name because it was the only option still available. Every possible combination of letters from the dictionary has already been taken fifty times over by other bands. You wouldn't believe it, but even made-up words and misspelled words are already used as band names. So, the only reasonable option for me was to go with my own name, I guess. Where do you find inspiration? Mostly video games; I guess I'm a huge nerd since it's pretty much my only hobby. Growing up, I played games on the Sega Genesis, which made me fall in love with the sound of its 8-bit music. Even now, it's pretty much the same. In fact, some of my all-time favorite records are actually video game soundtracks. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? What was the role of music in the early years of your life? Well, my initial exposure to music was through video game soundtracks, which I grew up listening to. Later on, I was introduced to the metal genre, and it was an instant connection. I fell in love with the intensity, complexity, and emotional depth of metal music. This transition from the melodic and often atmospheric tunes of video games to the powerful and expressive world of metal has been a major influence in my own musical journey. Are you from a musical or artistic family? Not really, I don't think so. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? No one specifically inspired me; I just thought that if I'm going to make music, why not also share it on the Internet? You know, what's the harm, right? So, I just decided to put it out there.

How did you learn to sing/write/to play? You could say I'm a self-trained musician since I never really took any formal classes or lessons. I vaguely remember some piano lessons as a little kid, but I don't remember much from them, and I don't really play the piano now. My instruments are the electric guitar, electric bass, and classical guitar. Vocally, I do both clean singing and metal screams. This self-training extends to recording and production as well. In fact, I feel I've only recently begun to scratch the surface in achieving professional-sounding audio quality on my own. My single Mirror's Gaze marks a significant step up in production quality. The violin is one of my favorite instruments, and I aspire to learn how to play it one day. What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? Actually, I've never attended any concerts or other kinds of live events. Social gatherings don't interest me at all, and I tend to avoid them unless absolutely necessary. How could you describe your music? I believe diverse is the best word to describe my music, as it spans across many different genres and subgenres. This can be both a blessing and a curse, though in my case, it's been more of the latter. It's kind of too heavy for the pop crowd, yet too soft for the metalheads, if you see what I mean. In any case, this is the sound I like the most, so I'm going to stick with it, hoping to find my niche. Describe your creative process. Here's my process for creating new songs: First, I start by composing riffs and/or chord progressions on the classical guitar, as it's more convenient for me. Once I'm happy with the results, I transpose them into whatever key sounds or plays best on the electric guitar. After finalizing the song structure, I begin the recording process, starting with the electric guitar, followed by the electric bass. Once the guitars are recorded, I add in the drums. Next, I write the lyrics and vocal melodies simultaneously and then record the vocals. The final step involves adding synth elements and atmosphere to the song. https://youtu.be/HtZj5yCQh5Q What is your main inspiration? I wholeheartedly adore the sound of old-school melodic death metal as well as gothic/doom records. To me, metal is all about authenticity and catharsis; it's about releasing a sound that truly embodies who you are, without any compromise or doubt. Ever since I was introduced to the metal genre as a young child, I've been deeply fascinated by both its aesthetics and philosophy. I knew from early on that this was the path I wanted to pursue in my own music-making. In a sense, I aspire to stand on the shoulders of the giants who have shaped this genre. With that being said, I do hope that I may contribute something new of my own as well. What musician do you admire most and why? Oh, choosing between Olivier Deriviere and Akira Yamaoka would be incredibly difficult! I absolutely adore every piece of music they've composed, so much so that picking a favorite seems impossible. While they primarily compose music for video games, and as I've mentioned, I'm a huge nerd, I'd rather talk about my favorite work from each composer. Starting with Akira Yamaoka, there's something magical about his song 'Cradle of the Forest' from the Silent Hill 4 soundtrack that's hard to articulate. It has the most haunting atmosphere I've ever encountered in music, hands down. Everything about it perfectly harmonizes with the game's themes. When you listen to this song, you can visualize the game; it's beyond impressive. The same can be said about Olivier Deriviere's 'An End for a Prelude' from the Alone in the Dark (2008) soundtrack. The Bulgarian choir vocals are spine-tingling, and the orchestral background is simply out of this world. However, if I had to choose my all-time favorite soundtrack, it would be Hideyuki Fukasawa's work on the Chaos Legion Soundtrack. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your career?

Absolutely! My debut was an instrumental post-rock album, featuring no drums or vocals. The albums that followed were a mix of rock and metal. It wasn't until my 5th full-length album that I fully transitioned into metal. As for the subgenres, that's a long story for another day. Who do you see as your main competitor? I'm not particularly well-versed in the music industry or other artists, so I can't say for sure. However, if I were to hazard a guess, I'd say it would likely be another artist who experiments with blending various genres and subgenres together. What are your interests outside of music? Video games are undoubtedly my biggest, if not my only, hobby. These days, I'm mostly into competitive first-person shooters, and I take my ranking on the leaderboards very seriously, always striving to compete against the best. Mobile games have significantly evolved, so I spend a lot of my gaming time on mobile shooters, though I was primarily a PC gamer in the past. For instance, I've been playing Counter-Strike 1.6 since its early days. However, when it comes to story-driven games, I'm a huge fan of Action RPGs, particularly the soulslike genre, as I love overcoming meaningful challenges. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? My alternative interest would be either video game development, which I have some experience in, or writing. Speaking of which, I recently authored my first anthology book. It's a collection of my older short stories, poems, and previously unreleased lyrics. You can find it on Google Books. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? Right, I can actually think of a couple of examples off the top of my head! As you might know, I operate from what you could technically call a home studio, but in reality, it's quite basic. My only physical instruments are an electric bass and an electric guitar, which I used to plug directly into my PC's motherboard line-in jack with an adapter. It's only recently that I've acquired an audio interface to use with my new microphone. Frankly, I was quite surprised to realize that it didn't make much of a difference, if any, in terms of instrument signal quality. However, I needed it to connect my dynamic mic, so there's that. The point is, I have practically no physical gear, and everything you hear is the result of computer software magic. The fact that it's now possible to make this kind of music without going to an actual studio filled with tons of colossal gear is a testament to how far technology has advanced. Impressive, isn't it? One can only imagine where technology might go in the future. Honestly, it's kind of frightening, I guess. The fear of the unknown and all, but I digress. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? I'm not sure, maybe add more kittens to the music industry or something, because I love animals. Like I said, I'm not deeply involved with the music industry, nor do I know much about it. So, it's really hard for me to say what I'd change when I'm not fully aware of all the ins and outs. You see what I mean? Why did you choose this as the title of this project? I've always been fascinated by mirror metaphors in literature, so it felt natural to incorporate what I like into my work. The primary reason I chose Mirror's Gaze as the title for this single was because I couldn't find any other artist using this exact title, at least not from what I could find on search engines. https://open.spotify.com/artist/4QqBOZOiit5hIBwW6Bs9G7 What are your plans for the coming months? My ongoing plan is to release a new song every first Friday of each month. Additionally, I have two upcoming metal albums scheduled for the next two years, both professionally produced by other studios for the first time. The first album, titled Ghosts of Nations, is set for release on October 14, 2024. It's a rather grim album that addresses sensitive subjects such as societal collapse, domestic abuse, suicide, and mass shootings, among others.

I hope to approach these topics in a tasteful manner. The second album, Infect the Clouds, is a concept album featuring a villain protagonist who is a disgruntled misanthrope seeking revenge on humanity. This album is scheduled for release on October 14, 2025. The tracklisting and lyrics for both albums are available online now. Do you have any artistic collaboration plans" I don't have any specific collaboration plans of my own, unless it involves working with my friends and associates. However, I am open to receiving collaboration offers and will consider each proposal on a case-by-case basis. What message would you like to give to your fans? Be kind to animals. Peace!- What was the role of music in the early years of your life? Well, my initial exposure to music was through video game soundtracks, which I grew up listening to. Later on, I was introduced to the metal genre, and it was an instant connection. I fell in love with the intensity, complexity, and emotional depth of metal music. This transition from the melodic and often atmospheric tunes of video games to the powerful and expressive world of metal has been a major influence in my own musical journey.- Are you from a musical or artistic family?

[erensrag]

bimbo!reader x judgmental nerd eren

eren x y/n (wc: 3173)

warnings: nswf, slut shaming, slight dubious consent

i don’t think i did this correctly….

"no please, take your time. it's not like we've been here for hours." eren's sharp voice brings you out of your thoughts.

his piercing gaze is right there to meet yours when you finally stop staring at the wall. you chew on your pencil, quickly diverting your attention to the paper in front of you. you've done your best to avoid looking at him the majority of the time you've been here.

it's not your fault you can't look into his eyes for longer than a second. he's the one who's always observing you with that cold, calculating stare. you've been on the end of judgmental looks and not so quiet whispers for years now and have learned to not let them bother you—well you thought you mastered the art of simply ignoring those kinds of people. until eren.

you didn't even know he existed until a few weeks ago. the introduction for you two consisted of a simple bumping into each other in the crowded hallways of school, it ended with him bitterly muttering something about idiot cheerleaders as he stumbled away. not even sparing you a second glance. after that, you saw him often and he made his dislike for you evidently clear.

which makes no sense. how can someone not like you?

it's usually jealous girls giving you the stink eye and making up the ridiculous rumors. they're the ones who don't want to associate themselves with you. not nerdy nobodies who can't walk without stumbling over their own two feet. no, people like him usually worship the ground you walk on. or at least drool a little.

seriously you've tried everything to get rid of that menacing stare and frigid tone he always greets you with. it's like he's immune. "jesus y/n, how dumb are you?"

and they definitely don't talk to you like that. you know you're not the brightest, which is why your teacher got this jerk of a nerd to tutor you right before exam week but is that really an excuse for him to treat you like this? biting the inside of your cheek, you nudge a corner of your sweater until your left shoulder is exposed. leaning forward and batting your eyelashes which gets no response from him other than a blank stare. "i'm not dumb. i just don't get it." you pout. "can't you just tell me the answer? we've spent like thirty minutes on this question."

"thirty minutes cause you're an idiot." he mutters more to himself.

"i'm trying my best!"

"you should've learned this months ago. you would've if you didn't spend your time skipping class to hang out with your pig muscle boyfriend."

"he's not my boyfriend..." you go back to chewing on the pencil.

"so you just make out with any guy behind the bleachers?"

"you seem to know a lot about me." you look at him again, that stupid cold stare looking back at you through those glasses.

"who doesn't. you're y/n. the whole school knows of your...activities."

"those are just rumors." some of them are. most are true. you enjoy living life to the fullest. it's not your fault the people in your school saw a confident, attractive woman and instantly decided to put less than appealing labels on her. "and besides they're none of your business."

"whatever. just solve this, this is taking longer than our usual sessions and my mom will be home soon."

you groan, looking down at the textbooks and not understanding a single word. “please just tell me the answers.” you ask one last time, desperate.

“no.”

you huff, returning your attention to the book. “you’re going to age badly with all that scowling you do. just so you know.”

“shut up.”

"eren..." you say after five minutes which causes a frustrated sigh to leave his lips. "do you have an issue with me?" it's been four sessions of the frigid tension he always puts between you two and there's a lot more to come before graduation so you just want to get whatever problems he has with you out of the way.

it takes a few seconds before he's looking up from the textbook, pushing his glasses up as he sends you probably the most intimidating glare you've seen from him. "excuse me?" the very tone of his voice has goosebumps forming on your skin but you force yourself to stand your ground. you're not going to let some loser who's probably never even kissed someone to look down on you.

"you— you just seem to—"

"i don't have an issue with you y/n." he slams the book on the table causing you to jump. "having an issue with someone like you would imply i care enough and trust me i'll never care for such a ditzy little slut who doesn't respect herself."

you've been called worse than that and usually by scorned boys you hooked up with. but they were popular gym rats, not some overconfident lanky freak. you had a snarky reply on the tip of your tongue but with the cogs in your brain suddenly malfunctioning, you could only stutter out a pathetic, "i—i'm none of those things!"

"really?" he scoffs, actually getting up and walking over and as he does you think maybe it would've been a safer option to just keep your mouth shut. "wide doe eyes without nothing behind them. check." he starts. "plump lips perfect for what you do best. check." and the asshole has the nerve to slowly swipe his fingers across your bottom lip.

you should stand up, tell him to go to hell and get out of here but you're frozen. limbs not moving an inch as he continues, "empty little head. check. skimpy outfits to attract attention. check. i mean let's face the facts.."

you never would've thought the loser that always sits in the back of the class with his nose buried deep in a book would speak like this to you. it's insulting. freaking degrading. he knows nothing about you and yet he has that expression on his face like he does. "if i'm such a ditzy little slut as you so nicely put then i'd be jumping at the chance to hook up with you but here we are." you seethe.

that seems to finally strike a nerve as he scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. you cut him off before he can defend himself.

"is that it...you're angry i haven't made a move on you because that's what sluts do isn't it? bone everything they see? is your pride wounded that i don't see you in that way, eren?" you let out a mirthless laugh. "well news flash, pretty girls like me don't go for freaks like you."

you got up, ready to grab your things and run out all while trying to ignore the nerves inside of you. he just stands there, rigid and glaring. "really?" he asks once your books are back in your bag.

"y—yes. now if you'll excuse me—" your wrist is being grabbed before you can take another step and for a second both of you are stunned, you mostly frozen in your spot because this creep has the audacity to touch you after everything he just said. you don't know what his excuse is but he only stands there like a shocked puppy before pushing you on the desk.

a gasp escapes your lips at being manhandled by him  of all people, what the fuck is he doing? you're on your stomach, feet on the ground as the fucker puts a hand on your back, keeping you there. "w-what are you doing?" you pant out, bewildered at everything that just happened.

"i..." he trails off, not saying anything before manhandling you again. only this time it's for you to lay on your back and fuck, you could fight back. he's surprisingly strong for such a lanky freak but you're a cheerleader who does complex moves out on the field almost every day. you could kick him off, slam that big textbook in his face to the point his nose breaks and run out, making sure to report him.

but you don't. it's not that you can't. for some reason, you just don't want to. maybe it's curiosity, to see what exactly he plans on doing. to see if a loser like him actually has the balls to do anything but back away and apologize profusely.

"you're not fighting back." he simply says, sounding a bit confused as he comes to lean over your body. his hands on either side of your head as he stares down, those stupid piercing eyes staring down at you. "why?"

"shouldn't i be the one asking the questions here? like why the fuck you have me on this desk?"

he raises an eyebrow, leaning back and grabbing your thighs causing you to squeal in surprise. he spreads them, raising the dress you’re wearing until it's pooling at your stomach before you can even blink.

shit. what's wrong with him?

what's wrong with you? you should be kicking at him, you could easily shove him off. you could do it in a blink of an eye so why the hell aren't you.

where there's supposed to be fear...there's only anticipation. "you really are a slut." he laughs cruelly, pulling your panties down until they're completely off. where he throws them, you don't know. probably in some corner to hide so you forget about them, who knows what a pervert like him would do with it?

"you barely know me and yet...look at this." you shudder as his finger circles your clit before swiping across your cunt, bringing his hand up to show you your slick as if for emphasis.

"shut up." you grit through your teeth. "you're—" you don't have time to finish your insult before he's kneeling down, tongue immediately latching onto your clit.

your nails instantly scrape against the desk, shuddering as he begins to suckle on your clit. his tongue delves into you, fingers digging into your thighs on purpose as if the freak wants to hurt you. you can play that game too if he wants, fingers going to grab at the strands of his dark hair, pulling as you ground your hips against his annoyingly experienced tongue.

usually, your sexual partners don't willingly choose to eat you out but here is he. practically eager to get to business. he acted so high and mighty and still has the gall to continue doing so yet he's the one on his knees right now. freaking nerds are so easy. even overly judgmental ones with sharp gazes.

he’s basically lapping at you, moving from sucking your clit to eagerly drinking up your juices. never coming up for air as if he was made to simply do this. "f—fuck." you didn't want to make any noises, any implications that what he's doing is actually making you feel good but dammit it's hard when a tongue is diving deep into your most sensitive parts.

a particular bite has you instantly bringing your legs together but he quickly grabs them, forcing them apart to shove his face in between your thighs again. your breath catches in your throat as he licks up your dripping pussy. he doesn’t relent even once and the moans won’t stop escaping your lips, “sl—slow down. gonna…dammit.”

his tongue licks…freaking everywhere. the obscene noises causing you to hang your head back, he’s licking and sucking everything up as if it’s his favorite meal.

and it’s embarrassing. how fast you come. but how can not you? you mercilessly pull at his hair and shamelessly moan when you do. somehow you're the sweating and panting one as he stands up. "so that's what all the hype is about?" he tsk, seemingly bored.

it takes a few seconds for you to find the breath to say “don't act like you didn't enjoy that, with the way you were eagerly—”

"shut up." he takes his glasses off, putting them to the side before grabbing your thighs and pulling you closer to him.

"you're disgusting, you know? the nerve you have—"

"i spent the last two hours teaching you simple biology and somehow you couldn't do one question by yourself, if i'm testy that's all on you.

"it's not my fault." it comes out as a whine and you hate it, you were supposed to be insulting him. at least have some pride when you're about to be fucked by the guy who looks at you like you're nothing but a dirty piece of gum.

"shut up, for crying out loud. shut up." his voice is raspy as he unbuckles the belt to his revolting khakis.

you can't help as your eyes widen once his cock is in view. for such a nerd, he's actually packing. one hand holds your hips as the other guides his dick towards your leaking area and slight panic starts to take over. "a-aren't you gonna prep?" as orgasmic as that oral job was, you doubt just that will be enough to prepare you for that.

he grins, probably the first smile you've ever seen on his annoyingly handsome face. "don't worry, i'm sure a slut like you has a loose enough cunt."

"you little shit! that's—" your words get caught in your throat, back arching as he moves his hips forward, piercing inside of you. "fuck."

a broken sound leaves your lips as he continues to push his length in. it doesn't hurt like you expected it to but there's still a strong ache that you know will leave you limping tomorrow morning. it burns, burns so good you have to squeeze your eyes shut. you need something to hold onto as he starts to move, anything to give you some sort of balance but the flat surface underneath you offers no help. "ngh...eren..." you're not sure what you want to say but he doesn't give you time to think of something before he sets a rhythm.

it's surprisingly slow at first, like he wants you to feel every vein on his cock and you do. your walls desperately clench around him as you bite on your bottom lip, the room suddenly feeling too hot as his fingers grab your chin, forcing you to look at him. into that stupid gaze he won't stop staring at you with. his mouth is slightly open but no sound comes out. he's perfectly collected and you hate it. people like him should be cumming the second you touch them but he's...it's annoying.

his pace starts to speed up—he doesn't even give it another second before he's ramming inside of you. holding your hips with both hands as he sets a brutal pace that has you moving up and down the desk. "p-pretty decent for a nerd—ah!"

still, he stays silent. ugh, what's wrong with him? you bring your arm up to your mouth, muffling the moans spilling out of your lips in spite but his hands are immediately pulling them off. he chuckles, coming close enough that his breath fans against your face and a lewd moan comes out of you as he hits an even deeper spot. "don't do that, we all know this is what you want. to be fucked hard and fast to the point you're nothing but a mindless whore whose only purpose is to scream in pleasure."

you don't respond, biting down hard on your lips. his thrusts became more aggressive as he scoffs, "fine." his hand finds its way to your throat, squeezing slightly.

you suck in a shuddering breath just as his hold tightens, bordering on dangerous but for some reason the lack of air only makes your pussy throb, clenching tight around him. why does it feel good? why does everything he's doing to you only make you want more? his thrusts have now gotten erratic, almost forcing your body off the desk but the hold on your hips and throat keep you right where you are. you want to let out the moan clawing out from inside your throat but his grip stays, merciless as he pounds into you.

you don't know how much of this you can take, everything feels too hot. it's too much. "fuck look at you, didn't think you could look even more dumb." he pants, staring down. he finally removes his hand from your throat and you cry out the second he does.

"eren, please i'm—fuck...too much, it's too much." you gasp even though a sick part of you knows you could do this all night.

but right now...with the way his voice is dripping with cockiness— you hate it, hate the way he looks at you and talks to you. it's infuriating and too much. a tsk comes out of his mouth, "who knew you had a limit?" he rolls his eyes and in the next second, he's spilling inside of you. spilling and spilling until some drip on the floor.

like he's been holding himself back all this time.

fuck. he could've at least let you release a second time. you didn't think the asshole would be finishing right after you said that. you're panting, eyes staring at the white ceiling as he pulls out. he zips up his stupid ugly looking khakis as he steps back. "can you get off my desk now?"

the nerve of him...ugh. you slowly sit up, dress sticking to your skin due to the sweat and you have to refrain from asking to use his shower before leaving.

he gets you your bag and you slowly take it, throat aching and dry. there'll definitely be bruises around your throat and hips tomorrow and you're sure he's secretly delighted at that fact. "uh...." you trail off.

this is usually the part where they ask for your number, pleading for a second night with that desperate look in their eyes but he doesn't even send you another glance as he gathers up the papers on the desk, putting them into a binder. "make sure to study before sleeping tonight...if your body can handle that." his lips slightly curve up at that last part but he's not bragging, no just mocking you.

"o...okay." you lick your dry lips, suddenly needing a mint. "uh...bye?" you stand up too fast, cursing at yourself for it but his arm is around your hips before you can fall.

you bite the inside of your cheek, the proximity too close even though he was just inside of you a minute ago. he sighs, "do you need a ride home?" he asks grudgingly.

and you should say no. you don't need to be in an enclosed space with this asswipe for another second. just say no and walk into class the next day, demanding for another tutor. and then you'll never have to talk to him ever again.

but instead a weak nod comes out.

[julemmaes]

Robyn

Rowaelin Month, Day Ten

A/N: I'd planned on posting them in order, but you get what you get. Idk when the other prompts will come tbf. I hope soon. Anyway, I managed to write over 6k words today and I'm pretty fucking proud.

This is just fluff over fluff, so yep enjoy!!

Word count: 3,047

Rowan was unbelievably late as he sped through the streets of Orynth.

So late that the school had called not only him, but also the front desk of the place where he worked when he hadn't answered the call on his personal phone. Sorscha, his assistant, had entered his office with an embarrassed smile on her lips, as if she didn't want to tell him that he had forgotten for the umpteenth time to pick up his daughter from school.

Lorcan had joined him, for some strange reason, but Rowan had stopped bothering when it came to his best friend. He'd been trying to figure out how he reasoned for years and had come to the conclusion that there was no logical sense in the actions of the man sitting next to him, who was currently singing at the top of his lungs to one of the songs on the Frozen CD - which much to the chagrin of both of them, had gotten stuck in his car radio months before, forcing them into hours of torture.

He would never deny that the songs were all quite catchy, but after the sixteenth time Rowan had had to listen to Let It Go at maximum volume, his positive opinion of the film had begun to waver.

As they pulled into the school parking lot, Rowan noticed with deep regret that the only cars still there were those of the teachers and school staff.

They both got out of the car, Rowan walking quickly towards the entrance while Lorcan dragged behind him.

He greeted the caretakers sitting at the entrance, who returned a big smile. A smile that grew even wider when his large, imposing friend entered a few moments later. He stopped to talk to the old ladies and Rowan walked down the corridor he knew led to Robyn's classroom.

He could hear muffled voices from inside the teachers' room on the left and the one he knew belonged to Miss Galathynius coming from the right. He looked out over the classroom, spotting the two people sitting at a desk.

As soon as his daughter saw him, her eyes widened and a huge smile flashed across her face.

No words. No "hello, daddy!" or "I missed you!" from the little girl.

Her teacher turned as she leapt out of her chair and ran towards him, hugging his legs and looking up at him. Rowan smiled at her in turn, running a hand over her hair that was shot in every direction.

"Hello, little bird," he murmured to her. The child's smile widened even more if that was possible.

The woman a few feet away from them pulled herself upright, crossing her arms over her chest and offering a sincere smile to the child, who hid behind his thighs.

Rowan was about to tell her that Robyn was shy with everyone like this, ready to defend his daughter's behaviour as he was used to doing in front of every adult, but he was beaten to the punch.

"It's good to see you, Mr Whitethorn," she said, extending a hand. Rowan shook it without hesitation. "Actually, I just wanted to write you a letter regarding Robyn," she continued, never taking her eyes off the little girl. "Nothing serious," she hastened to reassure him when Rowan grimaced, "quite the contrary. Robyn is remarkably good. One of the best in the class, though I shouldn't offer that information so bluntly."

Miss Galathynius winked at him, but he couldn't process what he'd just been told.

"Sorry, could you-"

The little hands clamped around his trousers tightened a fraction more and Rowan looked down, trying to figure out what was bothering his daughter, but then something happened that he hadn't even dared to dream about in recent times.

"You're here!"

The little girl broke off and ran away from him in less than the blink of an eye.

Rowan turned just in time to see Lorcan grab Robyn in mid-air, spinning her around as he brought her to his chest and showered her with kisses. The loud, incessant laughter that erupted from her seemed too much coming from that fragile little body, but he never tired of hearing it.

"Why hello baby!" said Lorcan laughing in turn, starting to tickle her until she begun to rebel and he was forced to let her slide to the floor. Robyn was still laughing at the top of her lungs and nearly fell to the ground as she squealed left and right, letting herself be pushed around by the closest thing to an uncle she had ever had.

When Rowan turned back to the woman, she was wide-eyed and her lips slightly parted as she watched the massive man dressed completely in black and the menacing face turn into a completely different person the second he had seen Robyn.

He chuckled, "I know, it's not every day you get to see a little girl be so comfortable with a brute like that."

Lorcan, who was listening to everything, looked him straight in the eye and without stopping smiling and playing with the little girl, mouthed to him to fuck off.

"Well, yeah. You caught me a little off guard." she confessed, still shocked to hear how Robyn was having a full conversation with Lorcan. They couldn't hear anything of what she was actually saying, but even just the fact she was talking to someone seemed to have Aelin unsettled.

She returned her attention to Rowan and let out a breath that sounded more like a giggle, "I've never heard her laugh before."

He nodded, blushing a little at the teacher's surprised but relieved tone.

"I'm sure the dean warned you about the problem she has," he said in a low voice. He grimaced at her poor choice of words, "I mean, not problem, but the difficulty she finds in interacting with people she doesn't know."

Liar, he told himself. Robyn hadn't spoken to anyone but him and Lorcan since the day Lyria had died. It wasn't a difficulty, but a response to the trauma that prevented her from speaking to anyone who wasn't part of her immediate family.

"I know, I know. We've been looking for solutions together." she informed him. "I give her a white board every morning. Come on, I'll show you." she turned to the desk they were sitting at earlier and raised the magnetic board, on which a few words were scribbled on. "I'll write here what she might need. Yes. No. I need to go to the bathroom. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry." she read, listing the various options. Rowan gaped. "We've only just started going over the alphabet for a second time, so she can't really read or write yet, as I imagine you know, but the little drawings next to each sentence help her."

She continued talking, but he couldn't quite follow.

The woman in front of him - aside from being breathtakingly beautiful - had done as much as she could to help her child with communication.

"Mr. Whitethorn-"

"Rowan. Please, call me Rowan." he said, clearing his throat once he realized how hoarse it sounded to his ears. Lorcan walked up to them at that point, still holding Robyn in his arms and positioned himself next to him, letting their shoulders touch in a comforting way.

"Call me Aelin, then," she smiled at them both. Then she made a small grimace, turning to Rowan, "I wanted to ask if it bothered you, that I sought a solution like that. Maybe I put her in distress, embarrassed her. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted to solve this on my own. I really wanted to discuss it with you, with your husband too, to avoid misunderstandings. Maybe we could arrange a meeting."

He was about to tell her that she had given him the exact opposite of annoyance, that he had been more than pleased that she had helped Robyn this way, when her words finally registered.

Lorcan, beside him, had opened his mouth wide and his lips were slowly bending into a mischievous smile.

Rowan furrowed his brow, "I'm sorry, what?"

Aelin's smile seemed to falter. "A meeting? With you? To talk about how to handle the situation," then she shifted her gaze to Lorcan, "You're more than welcome to join as well. I didn't know Robyn had two dads, I apologise for assuming Robyn had a mum and dad. That was very rude of me-"

"I love this," Lorcan whispered, laughing in shock. He turned to Rowan with eyes that sparkled with amusement, "I would definitely be the top."

Rowan looked at him with an expression of complete shock on his face, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Robyn gasped, opening her eyes wide and bringing a hand to her mouth, pointing then to Rowan's.

"Yeah, sorry, love. I shouldn't have said the bad word." he apologised, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. He turned back to Miss Galathynius, "I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but we're not married."

"No need to lie, sweetie. I'm sure Aelin," he gave her a knowing look, "doesn't mind at all about our relationship status."

Aelin nodded, "Well, yes. That doesn't change anything. Mr..." she turned to Lorcan, searching for a name.

"Salvaterre."

"Mr. Salvaterre can still attend. The fact that you are not yet married is no reason why you cannot both be present at the meeting. You don't have to worry, we are a very tolerant school and if anyone bothers you, you can come directly to me."

A sound of sheer glee escaped Lorcan.

Aelin continued, "I mean it. I was pleased to see both of you today. I was also pleased to see Robyn smiling so much." she concluded, looking the little one in the face.

Rowan took a deep breath, bracing himself, "No, I meant, we're not a couple. We're not gay. He's her uncle."

The woman's blonde eyebrows shot up and a second later she turned almost as red as the dress Robyn was wearing as Lorcan shook his head muttering something very much like 'you're no fun', which made Robyn giggle.

"Why did you even get off the car?" he asked him exasperated.

Lorcan shrugged, "Because I missed my little bean, you monster." he replied, clutching Robyn to his chest. The little girl clutched Lorcan's shirt in her chubby little hands and Rowan huffed, shaking his head.

Aelin brought her hands to her face, leaning against the desk behind her. She shook her head, her face still hidden, "Oh, god. I'm so sorry."

Lorcan let out a dry laugh, "Don't worry about it. It was fun while it lasted." then he turned to Rowan again, who was still trying to recover from the idea of being involved in a relationship with his friend, "You're really no fun."

"Yeah, no fun dad." repeated Robyn.

Silence fell over the class. Rowan looked at her with wide eyes and blinked once, twice. Robyn was staring at him with a sweet scowl that mimicked so much that of the man who was still holding her, but Rowan couldn't get over the fact that his daughter had spoken while Aelin was still beside them.

He was about to talk, noticing how Robyn had started squirming in Lorcan's arms, when there was a knock at the door.

They both turned, Aelin peering over Rowan's shoulder, and saw the figure of a petite girl with black hair and eyes standing in the doorway, watching them with her head slightly bent to the side. She had a tag on her t-shirt that was too colourful to belong to someone who didn't work in a school with children, so he guessed she was a teacher herself. Besides, Rowan felt like he'd seen her elsewhere. Probably every day when he picked Robyn up from school, he said to himself.

"I know you're not supposed to eavesdrop but I stopped by earlier and heard you were a couple of dads," she said by way of introduction. "I just wanted to reassure you that the school is an extremely safe place. I'm the one who did most of the interviews with the parents," that's where they had met then, "and one of the questions that is asked is just about the tolerance of the people who will be attending the school."

Aelin watched her, remaining silent the whole time and putting on an amused smile, nodded, "That's what I was telling them. How tolerant the school is. They make such a cute couple, don't you think, Elide?"

Rowan turned to her, arching an eyebrow, silently asking her what she was doing. The woman, as if she could truly understand what he was trying to convey to her, nodded her head towards Lorcan, who Rowan only then noticed was standing weirdly, his eyes fixed on the woman in the doorway.

He grinned, deciding to take his revenge right away. "Oh, yes. Thank you so much for the reassurance," Rowan began to play along as well. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lorcan turn towards him, dropping Robyn to the floor, who made a disapproving noise at being dumped so suddenly. "We are happy to know that this school is a safe place for our daughter. And for us."

Elide offered him a blinding smile, "Good. I'm happy to hear that you are pleased so far. And I am happy that Aelin is the one who is taking your daughter's class. She's the best one here."

Rowan didn't know her yet, but he knew the thing Elide had just said could only be true.

"Well," she said again, giving them an apologetic smile, "I really must go now, but if you need anything, you can find all my contact details on the website. Have a nice day!"

Aelin and Rowan said their goodbyes, thanking her. Lorcan took a while to recover, but when he realised he was staring into empty space he ran towards the door, almost stepping on little Robyn, who was moved by Aelin.

"We are very much not gay, miss!" he shouted into the hallway. Aelin, now beside him and with a hand on Robyn's shoulder, cackled. With Lorcan's infinite luck, someone walked by just then and gave him a stern look. "Oh, shut up ma'am. I'm an ally. The best ally."

Rowan shook his head as Lorcan launched himself in pursuit of the poor teacher and burst out laughing when he heard him shout, "I'm not homophobic! I'm willing to suck someone's cock if I have to prove it to you!"

Aelin opened her mouth wide before bursting out laughing in turn.

Robyn, seeing both adults so happy, giggled too and Rowan bent down to pick her up. The little girl laid her full head of white-light hair on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

She was tired and Rowan really needed to get her home to sleep.

He glanced at Aelin and reduced his lips to a thin line, "I'm sorry about the commotion, I'll try not to bring him into the building again. Even if it means tying him to the seat."

The soft laugh she gave made something tighten in his chest. He frowned.

Aelin didn't seem to notice the effect she had on him, "Don't worry, Elide is crazy about fools like him. If he says the right things, we might start seeing each other outside of school too."

Rowan nodded, now too caught up in the thought of having to take Robyn home to focus on anything else.

They agreed on when to hold the parent-teacher meeting and then he grabbed Robyn's backpack, walking towards the exit.

He was thoughtless as he reached into his pocket for his keys and balanced everything else - including the girl - on his other arm, but when Robyn's hand brushed his cheek, he looked down and his eyes met their twins. Green against green.

"What is it?"

The little girl's voice never stopped making him smile. Each time was like the first time she had said dada.

"I really like her."

Rowan frowned, "Who?"

"Miss Aelin." she whispered, almost as if she was afraid they might hear her.

He smiled at her, "Yeah? You like her?"

"She's nice to me."

Rowan had to put her down as he opened the door and let her get into the back seats by herself.

"I'm glad she's treating you well, love," he let her know, buckling her in.

He hoped she'd tell him more about her new teacher, but like any kid her age, the topic of conversation couldn't last for more than four lines apiece, "Where's Uncle Lorcan?"

Rowan snorted, "No idea, little bird."

Robyn nodded, "Elide is pretty too."

And as if those words had summoned him, Lorcan appeared beside the car, making them both scream. He entered the car in a heartbeat and turned to his daughter, who was still settling into the seat. "Do you know Miss Lochan?"

But before she could answer him, Rowan had entered the car in turn and smacked the back of his head, which made the Robyn giggle, "You're not using my daughter as your wingman. Now stop it and buckle up."

Lorcan gave him a gentle push, before doing as he was told and for once he was happy he'd convinced him to do something.

Or at least, Rowan thought he had convinced him.

"What if I left you a note to deliver to Miss Lochan, Rob? Would you be up for it?"

Rowan knew, even without looking at her, that she was nodding emphatically.

Keeping his eyes on the road, he murmured, "Could you stop calling my daughter Rob, please? You'll give her an existential crisis."

Lorcan clicked his tongue against his palate, "Rowan, I'm not giving her a damn thing. We live in this new world, okay? Your daughter could be called Simon and still be a beautiful princess. Grow up and educate yourself before you talk shit."

"Aaaah!" shouted Robyn, "Bad word!"

Rowan sighed and shook his head, but still he was smiling.

This was his life. Had been for the past two years.

And he wouldn't change it for the world.

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