#adulting is fucking hard

[amewinterswriting]

Little life update:

Currently being very kind to myself about not writing for the last few months. Which in itself is huge: I have historically had a bad habit of feeling guilty about not writing. Despite the fact that writing is supposed to be a fun hobby for me (which I may someday publish) and not something my brain gets to use against me.

Anyway, the reasons why I've not been writing:

My aunt (recovering from cancer treatment) is living with us, resulting in a very full house of people with various access needs. That's exacerbated by my mum and her husband choosing to visit semi-randomly. Which pushes us up to six adults, one cat and a dog in a three-bed house with one bathroom. The cat and the dog can not coexist. The cat is an indoor cat and protests (understandably) that his freedom is restricted to one room in the house for his own safety. His favourite time for protesting is overnight. I don't get a lot of sleep when mum visits.

My aunt's dog (who was staying with a friend and her dog cousins) dislocated her toes so she's now also staying with us temporarily (she's a greyhound and her cousins are lurchers, all fairly big excitable dogs who will get each other worked up and very likely cause her further injury to her paw). Similarly, she cannot coexist with the cat and the cat is getting very upset about further restrictions to his freedom so soon after the last ones.

I still need to work and that's been in an exhausting state of change recently (old manager got promoted, new manager is very green and needs a lot of help, someone else recently left so we have another new hire, lots of fires to put out basically all the time, the company is expanding and using a lot of existing staff to manage the new locations which means we have less people in store but the same amount of work that needs doing).

My wife's visa renewal application, which is now submitted and we're just waiting for the actual result. Which should be all good news but I can't help but worry if there's not an 'i' undotted or 't' left uncrossed in all the paperwork, you know? She's unable to even start looking for paid work until she has it and has been in this state for months (because realistically, where is going to hire someone who's right to work in the country expires within a few months? It's a big risk to take and a hefty fine if they don't get their visa renewed or you don't fire them before their old visa expires).

Between all of this, I'm usually so mentally wiped out that I physically cannot stay awake. I've taken three hour naps after work, woke up for a drink and then gone back to sleep again for another eight hours.

Anyway, I'm still here on Tumblr (mostly on commutes to/from work) and I am saving up any tag and ask games for when I have more bandwidth. (So feel free to keep tagging me, just know it might take a bit for the dust to settle before I get around to them!) Any posts you see at the moment are the result of my well-stocked queue...including this one.

[runfast-runfar]

Friendship Question

I need to find a freaking advice column to write into at this point because I feel like I struggle so much with interpersonal things and not really ever knowing if my feelings are really valid or not. But asking here has led me to some really great advice/input/feedback too. So here we are. Again.

Long story short, last month my doctor found a lump in my breast that I had to get biopsied, and getting cancer is one of my biggest fears (I have health anxiety, specifically breast and ovarian cancer. Don't know why those two, but that's how it's been for about 7 years now). After the biopsy, and MRI it's not cancer, but hyperplasia. Which means I have too many cells in my breast tissue which increases my risk of developing breast cancer in the future. Not by much at all, but as someone who is deathly afraid of getting cancer, it has been a really really hard thing to come to terms with.

I haven't told one of the friends who I tell everything too yet because her responses to anything serious for the past few months has been honestly invalidating and apathetic. She is going through a lot of her own stuff, which I completely get.

Anyway, when I found out I had a lump and had to get it biopsied I texted her and her response was, "uh oh". That is literally it. Nothing else. She knows my fears with cancer and knows she is someone who I talk to a lot. And that response felt SO insanely invalidating and honestly just hurtful bc it felt like in a moment where I was really scared, she didn't give a shit at all. And since then I haven't really been very open about things with her.

This also isn't the first time she's had abrasive, short responses and we had a conversation about it and it was just summed up to that's where she's at in her life and things she's dealing with etc. And I genuinely understand that and empathize with her, but at the end of the day a friendship should feel like it has some care and love and support embedded in it. And for a while now it doesn't feel like that with her, and I can't tell if that is all just because I feel hurt by her "uh oh" response. And if it is, is that even fair!?

What if "uh oh" was a fair response and she didn't know what to say and just thought that was her expressing concern?! I don't even know.

But I don't know how to talk to this person that I was once so close with because of this fear that if I share something that I feel is hard for me, it will possibly be met with a likewise response similar to "uh oh" and leave me feeling stupid and alone more than I already do. I honestly just never know if I'm too sensitive and just maybe am too difficult to be around or know on any sort of deeper level.

[sunpoweredautism]

seems to me, from the information I've gathered from other adults, that no one likes being an adult and we should, therefore, abolish the concept entirely

[trexalicious]

Adulting...

[cynthmachina]

"You're pretty chill and relaxed, wish I was like that lol"

My mental health if even 1 brain cell thinks about stress

[beyondxmeasure]

Hi Cy, how have you been lately?

Hiiiiyeee

😬 Well, since you asked… Lately it’s been a struggle between bursts of tears from overwhelm and/or rage, complete executive dysfunction paralysis. The search for a new apartment and a job simultaneously, along with packing is super taxing. The countdown is on (just over 1 week to go) before I need to be out. Unfortunately because of the lack of time, it looks like for now it will be a temporary stay with the parents until we find jobs and a new place. Doesn’t help that the brother I currently live/moving with also needing a job and is doing the bare minimum to help with all of it.

The silver lining is that the initial move will be over in a couple of weeks. I know none of this is the end of the world and will all work out eventually but without a lot of support it feels more stressful than it probably should be.

Sorry my update wasn’t so uplifting… but thanks for checking in!

Hopefully in a couple weeks I will be able to immerse myself back into plants and fic life.

[bouquetexquis]

Being an adult is like : *trying to unlearn the guilt that comes with resting* *trying to unlearn the guilt that comes with taking vacations* *trying to unlearn the guilt that comes with setting boundaries* *trying to unlearn the guilt-

[bedazzledplead]

Heavy traffic needs an alert on the weather app.

If I'm driving and I don't get told my day is gonna be shitty, someone's getting hit with the scrongdongler.

[somekindx]

Only losing my entire godforsaken mind on the rare occasion that I sit still for more than 13 seconds at a time

[lovexbunny]

Did U end up going to Fan Expo :D

I didn't!

and I'm super sad. Honestly, it would have been well over 1k, and that's not including the hotel fees. So our plan is to start saving now, because Boyfriend/Husband #2 wants to build his Clone armor for Fives/Rex/Wolffe (he hasn't decided yet), and that will take time and money. It was short notice if we're being honest and we weren't properly prepared. It happens, and we learned!

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[ithinkdogshouldvote]

Ah, the Oak family tradition of having very complicated feelings towards your father(s).

[bumblydumbly]

i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably

[winepresswrath]

sudden yearning for time travelling teen jiang fengmian lands at lotus pier fic that winds up being about a perfectly nice kid having a varying series of "oh no. i don't like that. that's a lot" reactions.

[letmerideonyourcock]

Let me ride in your cock ❤️🍆