#again this was first encounter - I was not soft-resetting

[itsgodepi]

If I lose my mind | Ch. 8

Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and can’t seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a little problem-solving would’ve done the trick. Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like, one of the most exclusive sports? Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x fem!reader Chapter: Previous | Next Word Count: 5.4k Also on AO3

“Your things arrived a few days ago, the... uh, what’s it called in English? The portier?” Charles questions with furrowed brows, repeating the French word once again, much slower and carefully, so you can have a fair try at guessing its meaning 

It takes you a second to give a meaning to what he is trying to say, “Is it like the one that manages the building, kind of?”, the exact word he refers to not coming to mind no matter how much you try. Your mental dictionary is running a bit low after everything went down today. 

“Yeah, that’s it” he smiles at you over his shoulder, leading you out of the elevator and into a small corridor. The suitcase’s wheels clattering across the black tiles, following your path to one of the apartments’ doors, number 7 “What, you know French now?” 

“No, no, I wish” you laugh, shaking your head at the possibility that you would ever understand any other word in that language “It just sounds similar to the word in Spanish, portero”  

Charles opens the door before answering, a sight that leaves you open-mouthed being discovered before you. You do not know in what to focus first, if the sight of the tall buildings and the port drawn out in the floor to ceiling windows or the expensive looking furniture that decorates the rest of the room “Well, you’ve come to the best place to learn”

Because yes, you have in fact encountered the perfect opportunity to learn the language. After all you'll be living in Monaco for at least ten days before going back to the crazy life of a Formula One driver. That is enough time to grasp a bit of French or drive yourself crazy, we’ll see which one of the two comes first.

Your morning had started with a chain of events that leaned more towards the second option. You had woken up in the late morning, the warmth of the soft bedsheets and the darkness provided by the thick curtains almost fooling you into believing you had finally escaped this bizarre dream, that you were back home, and your alarm was pushing you out of bed for your practices. There would be an awful day ahead of you, but at least a real one. 

But that hope was short lived. 

Instead of your alarm, that ringing noise turns out to be coming from the hotel’s phone, a man on the other line animatedly informing you that this is your wakeup call and to have a great day when you pick it up. Apparently, Nick had been the one to request the service, sceptic that you would make it in time to the airport without him nagging you about it. The exact same reason why he had prepared for a car to be waiting outside for you at least an hour before, just in case. 

Charles and Carlos are already waiting when you arrive to Budapest’s airport, inside a very expensive looking waiting room that hosts only the few people travelling alongside you. Yeah, it seems like flying private actually means flying private, with all the special commodities that brings. However, it also means that the first time you hear what country you are heading to is when you are strapped down to your seat and about to take off. Monaco seems alright, doesn’t it? 

“He called me like, right before FP2, back in France, because a couple of suitcases had arrived for me.” Charles continues recounting the events of last Friday, inviting you in and taking the heavy bag that you insisted on carrying from you “I wasn’t expecting anything, so I almost turned them all away, all your luggage for the break! Seriously, you have to text me or something next time you send your things over...” 

Mindlessly, you give in to his nagging and apologise for not warning him beforehand “Sorry, my mind’s been all over the place lately”, even if you have no idea what those things he is complaining about are or what that implication for a next time actually means. It is easier this way. 

Charles seems to perfectly understand what you are saying, the confession about the hardships you have been facing holding a deeper meaning for him than you could ever fathom “I know, it’s okay”, but he does not even know half of what you are going through  

After weeks upon weeks of waking up alone in a cold and unfamiliar hotel room —what little belongings you have pushed to a corner and some clothes thrown over a chair—, it is not surprising that the sight of Charles Leclerc sleepily going through the kitchen’s cabinets makes you feel all warm inside. The man is wearing a white baggy shirt and blue shorts, his hair a mess and lips pursed in concentration. 

He turns around as soon as he hears you padding through the corridor, a grin slowly taking over his expression “Good morning! Did you sleep well? I didn’t wake you up, did I?” 

“No no, it’s alright, I’ve been up for a while” you calm him down, walking up to the countertop and awkwardly leaning on it. Unlike him, you are already dressed up and pretty clear-headed, you never know what your mind is going to put you through in this new day. Your room is pretty far apart from the kitchen and his room too, there is no way you could have heard him with how huge huge his apartment is “And you? How did you sleep?” 

“Great, it always feels nice being back home” Charles prepares the rest of the breakfast while you chat away, inviting you to sit on one of the highchairs at the other side of the countertop when you do so much as try to help him fix the dishes. He somehow knows exactly what to prepare for you, his plate and yours starkly different and yet he is not doubting a single one of his choices, as if he had done it a thousand times. 

“So, what do you want to do today? I have to make a few calls but, after that, I’m all ready to go” the man explains, finally pouring himself a cup of coffee and coming to sit beside you. In response you can only give a shrug of your shoulders while you munch on the toast Charles so carefully prepared, you have no idea what is there to visit in Monaco. Thankfully, Charles has given the trip some though —well, he was bringing you to his literal hometown, how could he not?—, and in a second has your day all planned out. 

The conferences take longer than expected, the driver coming to apologise over and over again when he has to shut himself off into his improvised office for another ‘final’ call. That is how the hours keep ticking by and you end up also having lunch at his apartment. “This is the last one, I promise” he swears after you both get up from the table, the leftover of two delicious dishes which appeared out of thin air, still in front of you. 

You are not upset about it, not that much at least, you can understand this is his job and he needs to be on top of all these interviews and meetings —you only got a couple emails to respond and a call from Nick, but you guess this is what being in a team like Ferrari really is. Nonetheless, it does not mean it doesn’t annoy you a bit, you really had been looking forward to all the activities he had been talking to you about. Charles managed to distract you easily enough though, got you some Netflix, games and food so it all would pass in the blink of an eye. 

“Oh, sixteen? That’s yours?!” you gasp, a bounce added to your step as you approach the red Formula One car placed at the entrance of the new room. The centre of your attention in a space filled with cars from every single year and brand you could ever imagine, the mirrors on the sides and covering the ceilings giving you all of the perspective of the machine. 

“Of course it is, you didn’t know it was here?” Charles lets out a chuckle at your outburst, a grin now permanent on his lips as he follows you. The visit to the Prince of Monaco’s Car Collection had been worth it just for the look on your face, the fact that they kindly closed it for the two of you only adding an increased value to your reaction “They have the Alfa Romeo too” 

Although you could discover what the Alfa Romeo thing meant if you moved your gaze a little bit to the left, you seemingly prefer to overlook that piece of information instead, completely entranced by the car in front of you “It looks so different...” 

Possibly because everything around you is, indeed, different. After all, this is the first time you have had the opportunity to take step back and see the small details, away from the stress of the garage or the screams shaking the stands. That kind of atmosphere though, is irreplicable, the wave of emotions that fill your body as soon as you set foot into the circuit. Real or not, that is something you haven’t been able to get out of your head since this madness started.  

You are unbelievable, seriously, after only two days of the break you are somehow already missing the track? Who could have told you that a month ago Wait, a month-?  

“Does it? They have been making a lot of changes in the regulations lately, maybe...” Charles mumbles by your side, eyes ever so carefully looking over the car, and leaning over one of the signs on the ground, a half-smile pulling at his lips when he reads it “Oh, true, it’s the SF90! Oh my God, this one... Honestly, it wasn’t that bad of a year, I won a couple races too, but the car had so many problems. When it wasn’t the new tyres, it was the balance, then the understeering was awful at some point as well... It was just impossible to beat the Mercedes”  

To finish off his explanation, Charles dismissively points with a tilt of his head to one of the Formula One cars sitting farther down the room, a Mercedes from who knows what year. Whatever, it illustrates his story just fine. Besides, this movement also allows for him to catch a peek of you from the corner of his eye, a big grin on your lips that you try to cover with a raised hand “Wait, are you laughing at me?” 

“No! Of course not, I was just-” you splutter, looking up at him like a deer caught in headlights “It’s ‘cause you were, how do you say it? Like really into it? Contrated? I don’t know, I’m sorry!”  

“No, no, I’m not telling you anything anymore! Go on, I’ll be quiet” Charles declares, not hearing you and acting so very much offended that you would be making fun of him. To better show his point, he starts stepping back and rises his arms to put some space between the two of you. 

That is when you cannot hold you giggles anymore, the fact that he is trying to even avoid your eyes while you follow him “No, don’t say that, I promise I won’t laugh” you swear, taking a hold of his arm to stop him from walking away from you “C’mon, you’re the best tour guide!” 

And maybe Charles takes that praise as a challenge, green eyes shining and cheeks full with a smile which he can’t supress no matter how hard he tries. Throughout the next few days, the Monegasque shows you the most beautiful spots of the city that saw him grow up —albeit on an intermittent basis, as he recounts the numerous trips he’s had to go on since he was a child—, a city that he adores and misses like no other. From the more touristic sites, the timetables of which he knows from A to Z and to which he has prepared private visits for each one of them, to the places that have a special place in his heart.  

All of this without letting you pay a single dime, getting rejected each time you do so much as try to get your purse out, the little money you have gathered in your time in here resting inside without any prospects of ever getting spent. 

It is a shame that when you are heading to one of the spots Charles has been looking forward to the most, you are caught red-handed. At first it is not as worrisome, a French fan approaches Charles for a photo and you politely step out of the way to let them take it, which catches the attention of a nearby couple that take this opportunity to ask you for a selfie —yeah, it still feels strange, even inside a dream. Maybe the husband talks a bit louder than needed about how surprised he is to see you here, or how happy he gets the moment Charles comes over to you, but after a couple of minutes you are being mobbed by half the people in Monaco. Flashes, screams and hands flying everywhere. 

“It’s been a while since I last had to be rescued by the police...” Charles signs once he finally plops down on the sofa, changed into comfier clothes and the TV remote on his hand 

You silently sort out the food on the small coffee table, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened, nerves tingling with the range of emotions this all brought up. It is not fear, that is something you seem to have somewhat become numb to, but something deeper. That is not something that had happened to you before, people are usually behind barriers on Grand Prixes, or they have someone better to pay attention to. This had felt truly overwhelming, suffocating even. 

And yet, there it is, your lifeline. Again. 

Charles’ hand comes to caress your hair after you spend a second too long in silence, hands tracing your strands as he brushes them away from your face, hand finally descending down to your neck and lightly massaging it. He had done something similar in the middle of that chaos, his hand on your arm, shoulder or back drawing tiny circles on your skin, a permanent hold that was supposed to prevent you from getting separated, but which had done so much more. “That smells great” the man whispers, leaning forward since you had chosen to knee in front of the couch. 

The frown you didn’t feel forming relaxes as you look back at him, the thoughts previously swarming your head now vanished “Mm, yeah, it’s really tasty” 

“What?! You’ve been stealing food while I was changing?” the Monegasque rightly accuses, disbelief painting his features 

“You were taking so long!”  

Charles seems to also know his way around the restaurants of Monaco, the stack of takeout you thought was way too much for two people ends up disappearing within minutes, the great amount of food you consumed leaving you to lazily lay on the couch, bellies full and watching TV after a night that had to be cut short. 

The show you are watching is entertaining, you will give Charles that one, you have already gone through two and a half episodes and you can’t wait to see what happens next. It would have been even more amazing to not start it on season 3 though. It is true that Charles had started his offer to play it with a “Do you want to continue watching whatever-the-name-of-the-series-is?” and you had seen him scrolling all the way to the fourth episode of that same season without saying a word as well, but you had got accustomed to brush off things like this, like every other information from this reality that you don’t understand.  

You nod and carry on with your ‘life’, that has been your modus operandi since the beginning, why change?  

Thankfully, Charles gives you small explanations in the form of funny comments on every other scene, and although you don’t understand some of them, you laugh them off like anybody would do if he was looking at them the same way he does with you.  

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you question at some point of the night, eyes fixed on the screen as if that could hide any of the unrecognizable feelings boiling within you  

A chuckle slips out of his lips before he can begin answering, not fazed even slightly by your claim “You’re still so obsessed with the theme song...” Charles also meets your gaze straight on the moment you finally gather the courage to do so, not shying away from the way your big eyes stare at him “It’s cute” 

A confession that catches you off-guard and to which your response is to smile and carry on, snuggling under a blanket which has made you slip that much closer to Charles. Summer nights in Monaco are cold.

About halfway into your vacation, Charles presents you with a different type of plan for the day “I’m going out with my mother and Arthur in a couple of hours... do you maybe want to come?” the way his green eyes look up at you in expectation betray his previous show of confidence, his gaze lowering to the toasts he is preparing. 

The invite makes you stop in your track, hand half-way in the air with a piece of fruit you had tried to steal from one of the dishes. Honestly, from all the challenges you had expected this universe to throw at you today, not once would you have imagined that having lunch with Charles Lecler’s mom would be one of them, that’s for sure. 

“Oh, your mother knows I’m here?” it is the stupidest question you could make, you are aware of it, but this seems so out of the blue —yes, you have apparently reached the point where jumping into a Formula One car feels more ordinary than whatever this is. But it’s because, like, you aren’t this close, are you? Yes, you flew with him, you are spending the break in his apartment, he has prepared your breakfast every single day, but- 

“That you are staying here? Yeah, of course she knows” Charles answers, matter of fact, as if it was no big deal “But it’s okay, I know you get nervous with things like these, I can tell her you have a meeting or something” 

Perhaps if the man had not been so understanding and given you such an easy way out, you would have accepted the outing, what is the worst that could have happened? That his mom was a wonderful person who had spent hours baking a typical pastry to gift you? If you had not felt bad enough this morning when declining Charles’ offer, now you sure were feeling like the worst person to ever walk on earth. Safe to say you almost tear up when you read the note she left you on the box: Enjoy your stay, my dear. I hope we’ll see each other soon. More so when his sons reveals he had to help her write it in English. 

You miss your family that much more now, if that was possible. 

Unfortunately, you do not encounter any other opportunity to meet Charles’ mother, the days flowing past you faster than you could have imagined. Charles has surprised you with organized trips to other cities near Monaco, from both Italy and France, every new sight he shows you more breathtaking than the last. The fact that this man, a Formula One driver for Ferrari nothing less, is swimming in money, taking the sweet little activities you had thought about to a whole other level.  

Nonetheless, spending a bit more also becomes a need when you are trying to keep a low profile, neither of you want a repeat of what happened in Montecarlo —for more reasons than because it is dangerous. Which means that booking private terraces to watch the view is sometimes required, other times you get a tour through a closed section of the museum solely because they recognized him, or you, which is still something you are struggling to come to terms with, but you can’t complain. 

Tonight, to properly finish off your stay in the country, Charles has invited you out to a fancy restaurant. It is built in the outskirts of Monaco, a place where the waves of the ocean are louder than the noises of the city. You get seated in open space that overlooks the sea, the quiet and elegant atmosphere of the place captivating you. You are thankful to whoever had prepared those suitcases which arrived at the apartment before you even knew you were visiting, because the black satin dress that was waiting for you inside one of them, is the perfect fit for the occasion. 

The hunt for the perfect outfit had also brought a discovery that you couldn’t quite believe yet. Inside a white jewellery box that you had been carrying since the beginning and that you had not cared to open until today, you had found one of the most important pieces you ever owned, one you had been missing dearly: your grandmother’s favourite necklace. It had been a gift given to you many years ago, your grandmother’s promises of how it would make your wishes come true and protect you still echoing in your ears. Upon its discovery, you heart had skipped several beats, your hand snatching it from the box faster than you could think about it to bring it close to your chest, a place where it now proudly rested and that it would not ever leave again.  

The only piece of a reality which appears evermore distant and unreachable each passing day. 

The dinner is spent chatting away and tasting delicious dishes that you cannot pronounce the name of, your knight in shining armour —in this case, a navy-blue suit that fits him like a glove— saving you time and time again from embarrassing yourself trying. That gesture in itself being a blessing in disguise. It is fascinating watching Charles talk in French, sounding ever so charming speaking words you do not understand, his voice and demeanour changing when talking in his mother tongue. You have not learned a word in French, but if the hours you have spent staring at Charles talking counted, you would have the highest level. 

That is some of the nonsense you keep thinking about in the way back to the apartment, your body comfortably relaxing back into the passenger seat of his Ferrari while the city lights keep flowing by your sides. The Monegasque takes his hand off the gearstick after reaching a red light, resting it atop your knee and gently squeezing it when you don’t peel your eyes off the window. 

“Sleepy?” he queries in a soft voice, amused. 

You shake your head in response, the “No” slipping from your lips too low to even hear it yourself. Your hand reflexively comes down to wrap around his in reassurance, an act which only manages to further confirm his suspicions. 

Charles walks to your side to help you out of the car, the excuse of being sleepy —although the expensive wine and your high heels are playing a big role in your clumsy walk— useful enough for you to hold onto his arm in the way up to his apartment. The silence is nice too, calming despite the fact that it is hiding so many thoughts behind. 

“So, did you have fun?” Charles is the first one to speak once you reach the parting point, even if it is only the middle of his living room and there is still time tomorrow before he takes you to the airport, it feels more important than that 

“Yeah, I did, a lot. Thank you, Charles, for everything” you respond, the words coming straight from your heart, you are grateful for not only the material part of this vacation, but for how comfortable he has made you feel in this unknown reality. The man has truly made of your trip to Monaco an unforgettable experience, a memory that you will forever cherish. You hope he understand that. 

Although he tries to downplay it, say how much of a good time he has had thanks to you and all of that, you are quick to shush him, repeating your thanks and not accepting any of the justifications he’s give. And he somehow lets you get away with it, that easily, a fond smile pulling at his lips while he looks down at you “Okay, okay... I’m just happy you are here, honestly” 

Charles word’s startle you, your heart speeding to a hundred miles per hour in just a second. The man ignites this inexplicable feeling inside of you, one so familiar and foreign at the same time, slowly building inside of you, a warmth that threatens to overcome you at any second if you let it. This silence and closeness not helping you in the slightest. 

Paired with these thoughts come other less comforting ones, a more logical part that warns you that you have been letting this go on for too long. You let your hold on Charles’s arm fall, instinctively taking a step back. This is too much, the wine must have been playing with your head, you have let this go on for over time and- 

However, Charles doesn’t seem to agree with any of the thoughts boiling in your head, his hand following the movements of yours and catching it halfway, his fingers intertwining with yours. Not ready to let you go just yet. He can see the gears turning at full force inside your mind as well, hopes the gesture will stop you from overthinking it all and focus solely on this. 

For you though, that train of thought isn’t as easy to reach, even less so when his touch has set your nerves alight. “Oh, yeah, me too! Well-, I mean, I’m happy to be here. The first day I thought I wouldn’t even see you in all ten days, but it’s been great ever since, I promise!” the tension of the moment is too much to handle, and it forces the first stupidity that comes to your mind out to break it 

Charles tilts his head to the side, taking some extra time to process what you said “What?” 

Sadly, instead of simply waiting for him to interpret your babbling, your big mouth keeps on talking “You were working, I completely understand! I mean, you’re in Ferrari, of course... I just got nervous at first, that’s all” 

“Oh” the Monegasque simply says, his face void of any emotion as he watches you freaking out thinking you’ve upset him. You and your stupid brain that keeps making up excuses for a joke you had told to ease the tension, you should start thinking twice about it. The wine has also loosed up your tongue.  

At some point Charles decides it is time to have some mercy on you and stop your monologue, a big grin making his eyes crinkle before he is using his hold on your hand to bring you in for a big hug — what a nice way to ask you to shut up.  

“Seriously, this is driving me crazy...” he confesses with a giggle, tightening his arms around your body as you deflate in his hold, letting go of all the nerves that had so suddenly preyed on you “You know what happened? I prepared everything, arranged some visits and talked to some people, everything! And I thought: I’ll push all the meetings I have to Monday and Tuesday, so they won’t bother us at all, she’ll probably sleep until, like 2 p. m.” Charles narrates the plan he had so carefully drawn up for your visit, making a pause to lean back and see your reaction to all that happened behind the scenes before you came to the country “Well, turns out that someone, even after driving for 70 whole laps in Hungary and having not slept at all during the flight, just decided to wake up at 8 in the morning! Who does that?” 

The belly laugh that escapes you is loud, cheeks hurting from the big smile that has managed to take over your face throughout Charles’ story, his expressions and gestures depicting how much it had surprised him to see you walking down the hall that morning. All dressed up and ready for the day, if you may add. 

“Why do you think I took you to the Prince’s Car Collection that day? I thought, since she’s been pestering me for months about it, maybe that’ll make her forget she’s been locked away all morning” 

“Aw, that’s so nice!” you compliment him, elongating the syllables and swaying him from side to side to further support your words, your hands still resting on his chest and his having claimed their place at your sides. You do not remember ever talking about the collection, but that is something that does not matter right now "You've been a great tour guide"

“I really am nice” Charles affirms with a smirk, like he cannot believe you didn't find that out earlier, and you can only nod at him in agreement. He has been nothing but amazing in the time you have known each other, you’ll give him that. "I don't know about the tour guide part though, you've been only laughing at me..."

You playfully hit his chest, smiles turning to giggles that give way to a comfortable silence, a moment to relax. Happiness is spilling out of every single pore of your skin as you look at each other with a silly grin on your lips, eyes analysing every feature of the other’s face and committing it to memory as if they were about to vanish in time. A strong hold on each other just in case.

You can see Charles debating wether to break the silence or not, a soft frown set in between his eyebrows while his eyes search for a sign in yours. His lips are pursed, the words that had been stuck in his mind for a while now about to finally be pronounced. However, a strange music beats him to it.

It promptly steals your attention from him, moment broken. Your head turns to the sound, recognizing where it seems to be coming from... your bedroom? 

As if hypnotised, you step away from Charles, the Monegasque letting you go from his hold without putting up much of a fight —although he desperately wants to. Something inside of you pulling you towards the sound. The steps you take to the room seem endless, the heels clicking on the hardwood following your path and the noise getting louder, but when you open the door it all happens so fast. You somehow know exactly where it is coming from, hands digging with urgency inside the backpack you had taken to airport 10 days ago. Having come to kneel on the ground, you pull out a cloth bag and lay it out beside you, the realization that it is the same one Nick left for you in Hungary’s hotel and you had not even opened, being too vague for you to fully grasp it.  

The music is louder now, your ears ringing with the stupid rhythm when you finally decide to empty all of its contents out on the floor for easier access. You find a lip balm, earphones, some papers and buried under all of it: a phone.

Another one. A phone you had never seen, the one Nick gave you at the start of this madness still secure in your bag. Where did it come from? Nick had said the bag contained the stuff you left behind at the track, but you sure as hell did not leave this.

You watch your hand stretching towards the device in slow motion, your mind pushing you forward but getting no response in return. The screen is upside down, the case vibrating against the floor and joining the cacophony of sounds that has been bouncing off your ears, a feeling of being underwater so awfully recognizable that you get dizzy just thinking about the last time you endured its consequences. The necklace burning in your chest.

What is this phone? Who is calling?  

Your fingers tingle at the touch, the device turning in your hold ever so slowly to reveal the caller screen. At the top, written in big bold letters reads the contact's name you have been longing to see for so long:  

DAD 

A due reminder that none of this is real.  

Author's note: Omg, this is so long, I got carried the fuck away with this one. As you have probably noticed it is not even proofread, if I keep it in my drafts any longer I'll keep adding to it. It ended up being as a kind of Charles' one shot thing so I hope you all enjoyed it. As always, any kind of interaction is greatly appreciated, thank you all so much for reading!

Also happy New Year to everyone!! This was supposed to be my Christmas present to all of you but it just kept going out of control.

Taglist: @purplephantomwolf @raye2000 @yuiiimd @drezzerk33 @leclercdream @homie0sapien @minkyungseokie @carlossainzwho @rewmuslupin @kyuupidwrites @raevyng @lazybot @gills-lounge @hiraethrhapsody @jjkclub @darleneslane @therealcap @aespie

[ladykailitha]

Can Anybody See Me? Part 12

Welcome to the billionth chapter of Eddie Munson is the biggest sweetheart on the planet with Wayne Munson coming in as a close second. Just another soft chapter. They just wanted to cuddle and who I am to deny them that?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

*

Steve chewed on his pen lid, willing the page in front of him to do something. He had already finished the comic pages for Miss Chen. She even gave him an A. Her little comment about it being ‘nicer’ made his stomach roll. So he was back working on his first comic idea. Because unresolved trauma was really starting to affect his sleep cycle and he was falling asleep in classes.

He shook his head. If he fell asleep in Mr Vinke’s class, Eddie would always poke him with a pencil to wake him and mouth asking if he was okay. Whenever he did that, the warm butterflies in Steve’s stomach would start their dance and the blush would stain his cheeks.

He was about seven pages into the first encounter with Nancy and Jonathan. He wondered briefly if maybe he should have started with Will’s disappearance but that wasn’t his story. This is was the start of his story. And he was at the part where the hero had ran out to his car, standing with the door open looking at the house in horror.

Steve hated that he had hesitated. That he had run at all. Gun or no gun. He felt like this was his lowest moment. And he was immortalizing it in ink and color. He let out a shuddering breath. He put the pen down and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes.

He needed to get it through it. To get it out of his head. So he bent back over his paper and started again. Maybe he’ll be able to get his expression to match what he was feeling in that moment. Because how do you convey the horror, the fear, just the feeling of despair?

Steve tried again. It felt better. He finished the page and began to ink it properly. He set it to side and grabbed the next page and began blocking the next page. He looked over at the clock. It was flashing 12:00AM.

Shit!

He must have knocked the cord loose. He plugged it back in and looked at his watch to reset it.

Shit!

It was after four o’clock in the morning and he had school in oh about three hours.

Steve sighed. He struggled with the decision to get into his pajamas. Ultimately, he didn’t. What was the point of changing for only a couple of hours? He went and got a shower. He went rummaging through his drawers for something to wear.

Shit.

He needed to laundry again. He pulled out his last resorts. A pair of dark grey jeans and a fluffy black sweater. He put them on and went back to the bathroom to do his hair.

Once he was ready for school he went back to his page, making sure to set an alarm to make sure he made it to school on time.

This page was easier. This was about the hero deciding to go back into the house to save the two people in the world that hated him the most.

He managed to get through another page and a half before it was time for school.

Steve rubbed his eyes as they blurred. He shouldn’t drive like this. He should just call in and stay home. He had been forging his dad’s signature for years and could reliably give himself a sick note.

But he couldn’t miss too many days or he would fail the attendance part of his grade. He had already cut school that one day, with Eddie. Had come back the next day and explained that he had thrown up in the bathroom. Eddie had offered to take him home so he wouldn’t be throwing up in his car.

Mrs Hall expressed her displeasure, but all the other teachers had been understanding and had even praised Eddie for doing the right thing. So Eddie even got a pass, which tickled them both.

He got up and called Eddie.

“Munson residence,” a gruff voice answered.

“Hey, Wayne,” Steve said softly. “Has Eddie left for school yet?”

“Hey, Steve,” Wayne greeted. “I’ll go check.”

A few moments later Eddie came on the phone. “Hey, Steve. What’s up?”

Steve rubbed his eyes. “Do you think you could take me to school? I didn’t get much sleep last night and I really shouldn’t be driving.”

“You okay, man?” he asked, gently.

“Not really,” he whispered. “I’m just having trouble sleeping and it’s getting worse.”

Eddie chewed on his lip. He knew that if he took the day off, he would get in hot water. But Steve needed help. He needed sleep.

“Hold on just a second,” he murmured. “I need to asked Uncle Wayne something.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

A few minutes later, Eddie came back on the line. “Okay. Uncle Wayne is going to call us both in sick and I’m coming over.”

“Eddie!” Steve protested but the line went dead.

Fuck.

Steve didn’t have a choice. Not a real one anyway. He could get his car and try driving or he could wait for whatever hairbrained idea Eddie had. He sighed. He knew was going to be sitting on his fancy sofa waiting for the doorbell to ring.

Twenty minutes later his doorbell rang and he staggered over to the door and opened it slowly, blinking against the harsh light that hit his eyes.

Eddie looked him up and down. “Okay, I have some absolutely conflicted feelings at the moment.”

Steve frowned as he let him in.

“On the one hand,” Eddie said, running his tongue over his teeth, “you are barely standing and the bags under your eyes are large enough to hold all the books that stupid school makes us use.”

Steve winced. “No need to hold back, man. Just tell it to me straight.”

Eddie chuckled. “And then on the other hand, holy hell, Steve. This outfit...” he gestured to Steve, “really ticks all the boxes for me, dude.”

Steve smiled. “You do have a thing for black, don’t you?”

Eddie cleared his throat. “Right, we are getting off track. It’s time for Operation: Sandman. Because, holy fuck, you really need sleep.”

Steve closed his eyes and he swayed on his feet. Eddie rushed forward to grab him.

“Hey, there,” he said softly. “This is what I mean, man.”

Steve nodded.

“Where’s your bedroom?” Eddie asked.

Steve pointed up behind him to the room at the top of the stairs. Eddie looked up and then back down at Steve.

“Yeah...” Eddie said with a sigh, “there is no way you are going to make it back up those with falling back down them, even with my help.”

Steve nodded again but this time he swayed even further, grateful that Eddie was still holding upright.

“Where’s the front room or whatever with the nearest sofa?”

Steve pointed to the room behind him. Eddie looked around him and then nodded. He turned Steve around and gently pushed him the direction of the sofa.

He sat Steve back down on it and dashed up the stairs to Steve’s room. He gathered up all the pillows and blankets he could get his hands on and dashed back down to the front room, to pile them on the sofa. But before Steve could say anything, Eddie was gone again.

A minute or two later he was back with a pair of pajamas.

Steve blinked for a minute. “Did you go through my drawers?”

Eddie grinned. ���Sure did, big boy. Going through your underwear drawer was like touching the shroud of Turin.”

Steve just stared at him.

“It’s from the movie ‘Sabrina’?” Eddie supplied but the lights didn’t come back on. Eddie sighed dramatically. “Humphrey Bogart. Audrey Hepburn.” Still Steve continued to stare at him unknowingly. “I’ll have to see if I can find a copy and educate you.”

“Okay,” came Steve’s weak response.

Eddie sighed. He located the kitchen and took stock of what Steve had on hand. He made a list of things he needed and went back to the front room.

Steve hadn’t moved or attempted to get into his pajamas, he was just staring blankly at the wall.

Eddie sighed. “Come on there, Stevie.” He made up the sofa with the pillows and blankets. “I can see why you can’t sleep in that room by the way.”

That roused Steve enough to frown. “What do you mean?”

“It’s too busy,” he explained. “The mind needs quiet to sleep and that pattern is enough to give people nightmares, provided they can even get to sleep in the first place.”

“I never thought about it,” Steve murmured. He began to undress and Eddie turned away biting his lip. Steve caught him and huffed a laugh. “How did you survive PE, dude?”

“By not going,” Eddie snapped back.

Steve giggled. “Come on, I saw you at basketball tryouts on the bleachers. Watching.”

Eddie whirled around and was grateful that Steve had at least pulled the pajama pants on before he did. But the sight of Steve’s long torso dried his mouth and fought to wet his lips with his tongue.

Steve was standing there, shirt in one hand, both hands on his hips. “You like the short shorts, Munson?” he asked with a wink.

Eddie threw his arms in the air. “Well can you blame me?”

Steve cocked his head to the side. “Of course not. I think we’ve pretty much established I like dudes. So yeah, the short shorts are awesome.”

Eddie burst out laughing. “All right you got me there. Finish getting in your pajamas. I’m going to make a quick dash to the store for some things that might help you sleep and I’ll be right back. See if you can sleep in the mean time, k?”

Steve nodded. Eddie turned to go. “Hey, Eddie?” Eddie turned back. “Thanks for all this.”

Eddie smiled. “Any time, big boy.”

*

Eddie came back with lavender oil and chamomile tea as well as ‘Sabrina’. Steve was lying down, but Eddie could tell he was awake. He applied the lavender oil to Steve’s forehead and went and made the tea.

He came back with the tea sweetened with honey and a splash of lemon juice. Steve drank the tea and settled back down on the sofa. Eddie sat down and placed Steve’s head on his lap.

“I’m sorry,” Steve murmured as Eddie began to massage his head.

“For what?”

Steve sighed. “For making you miss school, for making you come over and babysit me.”

“You didn’t make me do anything, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured. “I don’t mind helping you. I’ve got people to look at for me. Who looks out for Steve Harrington?”

“Only you,” Steve slurred, already almost asleep.

“That’s right, babe,” Eddie said. “You sleep now and when you wake up, I’ll show you ‘Sabrina’, okay?”

“Mmk,” Steve said before sleep finally took him.

Eddie looked down at the soft boy on his lap and knew he had fallen for him. Having a chance with the former king of Hawkins High was one hell of a trip. If someone had told him at the beginning of the year, that he could have this, he would have punched them. Risk of expulsion be damned. Boys like Eddie didn’t get boys like Steve.

But now, he had hope for the first time in his life and wasn’t that just a kick in the head?

*

Later, they watched ‘Sabrina’.

“David is an idiot,” Steve murmured about half way through.

“Yeah?” Eddie asked with a chuckle. “How’s that?”

Steve snuggled further into Eddie’s side. “It’s obvious that Linus has been in love with her since they were kids. He knows about her attempted suicide and never told anyone. He loves her and David can’t see the romance happening in front of his face.”

“Just watch,” Eddie murmured. “Just wait.”

The movie ended and Steve looked up at him. “That was nice of David. He could have been a real ass about it.”

Eddie smiled. “No, I think you were right. I think David finally realized that his brother saw her for who she always was and that was more important than the superficial feelings he had for her after she came home beautiful and sophisticated.”

Steve smiled up at him, warm and fond.

“Feeling better, Stevie?”

He nodded. “Best sleep I’ve gotten in two years. Thanks to you.”

“Always.”

 Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17 Part 18  Part 19  Part 20  Part 21

Tag List: @shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites @garden-of-gay @anaibis @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead  @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @jinxjinn @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @dangdirtydemons @lovelyscot  @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread

[d-issent]

Botched. (Dissent AU.)

Peter Sam encounters Proteus. Having had the Sad Story of Smudger in the back of his mind for decades, he wishes on a whim for Smudger to be restored. Months later, after a remarkable discovery at the Mid Sodor, rebuild!Smudger is indeed - well, rebuilt - but has seemingly lost all of his memories in “exchange.” He loses his personality, his quirks, everything, he’s completely reset.  Peter Sam doesn't do well with guilt. This is part of the Dissent AU! So these guys are all robotisized - robofied? Robotified. Hell if I know. I could've written this with them as their normal engine selves that you see in the show but uhhh I didn't want to! Enjoy!

After days and days of a stalemate, on a hazy, muggy summer evening, Peter Sam finally spoke up, with no one around to hear him but the root cause of his grievances.

“I just feel so guilty,” he blurted out to his shed-mate, “I feel responsible. I feel like I’m the only one at fault for the state you’re in, and I can’t speak about how I feel without someone dismissing everything as ‘just an old fairytale.’ I can’t get closure like that.”

Silence followed his words, at least at first, but soon enough a gentle, almost melodic, metallic ticking of well-oiled parts began to sound, as the second occupant of the shed slowly stretched his arms up to the ceiling. As he moved, the cylinders in his shoulders and elbow joints clunked, releasing a few short, sharp jets of steam, and with it, the tension of the day’s work judging by the sigh of relief that also left him.

“Dunno how I feel about that wording of yours, Peter.” He finally replied, blinking rapidly as the fading daylight from outside prompted the automatic lights in his eyes to flicker on, bathing the shed’s dull, wooden ceiling beams in soft, golden light. Even on their lowest setting, they still illuminated the dust, the cracks and the spider webs stretched across the wood.

Another pause, then his voice sounded again, a twang of something that almost resembled humour mixed into his usual monotone.

“I like to think that I’m in a far better state than some of them poor bastards in the scrapyard at least.”

“That’s setting the bar pretty low if you ask me.” Peter Sam mumbled, his eyebrows pinching together in distress, a crease forming in the soft silicone of his face. “Anyway. My wording’s the least of my worries, God’s sake, Smudger, I’m pouring my heart out to you here, mate.”

“I know, I know. Sorry, I’ll try to be a little more compassionate.”

With another muffled cacophony of clicking and ticking, Smudger hauled himself up into a sitting position, more steam hissed, warming the already humid air.

“I don’t wanna sound like everyone else when I say this, I really don’t,” he began, “but aren’t I enough closure for you? I’m back up and running again, right?”

“Not all of you.” Peter Sam retorted, his voice deepening into an almost pouty, sulking tone. It was a wonder he hadn’t stuck out his bottom lip. “Sure you’re working, Percival even said he’s never seen a re-hauled engine operate so smoothly, but that’s all there is. So what if you’re a ‘miracle of engineering’? You’re not you, Granpuff said so.”

“Duke hasn’t made you feel like this, has he?” Smudger asked. “Because from what I’ve been told, he’s never had the best opinion of me.”

“He hasn’t done anything like that. He never wants to talk about the Mid Sodor anymore.” Peter Sam said defensively, proverbial hackles immediately raising at the thought of the tension between Smudger and his mentor. His hands twitched and twisted in front of him anxiously, wearing down the already peeling, plush grey silicone a little further down his fingertips, revealing the smooth metal beneath. 

Smudger eventually spoke up again, his shoulders pulled up around his head in a tiny shrug. 

“Eh. That’s his cross to bear, I guess. Anyway, even if I’m not all there as you said, I’m not sure if I even wanna be the ‘me’ I was back then if just the thought of that ‘me’ gives our fellow engines a headache, Peter.” 

The older engine tilted his head, eyebrows raising, bringing a little bit of life into his usual plain, weary expression.

“Leave your dang fingers alone. You know it’s not easy for management to get hold of that material. You wanna look like the Terminator?”

“Ugh…”

Peter Sam threw his mauled hands down with a groan of frustration, but the itch to do something with his hands just wouldn’t leave him, and soon enough he was back, almost stealthily picking at the peeling silicone, hoping against hope that Smudger wouldn’t notice.

Silence fell between the two of them, in which the air around them hung heavily with troubles yet to be spoken about, grievances yet to be aired. Peter Sam really couldn’t stand it, he knew that the night was drawing in, and with it the other engines, all groaning and complaining half-heartedly about the day’s work, yet all of them still content and chatting away, filling the shed with noise and stripping away all privacy. He wasn’t sure if he could go another day without getting this off of his chest, he feared his boiler might explode.

“Look. I know how silly this sounds, I know it’s nonsense!” He blurted out, voice high and wavering with misery. “But I know what I saw and I know what I did. I wanted you to be found, I wished for it, I asked Proteus to save you and he said, consider it done! Should’ve known that it would’ve been too good to be true; that it was a botched deal; look at what he’s done to you!”

He turned in his seat, gesturing wildly towards his bemused friend.

“You’re a total blank slate! I know everyone is all cock-a-hoop about your re-haul, everyone’s always talking about how good a job they did and everybody’s always saying how well you run and how bright and glossy your livery is, but what does it matter? You get up; you do your work; you come back here and that’s it! You hardly talk to anyone, you barely react to anything, it’s like you’re sleepwalking through life. Is that really what you want?”

“Sleepwalking through work doesn’t sound so bad.” Smudger quipped.

“God above, Smudger…”

Peter Sam ran his patchy hands down his face, the last remnants of steam leaking out from his ears, covering his face in a misty halo, obscuring his expression for a moment. 

He continued on.

“I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for you to be so apathetic about everything, I asked for you to be given a second chance, but what does that matter if he didn’t bring you back? You’re completely rebuilt, you don’t have a single original part left, save for your chip, and even that got completely overwritten! It’s like you’re still lost under the Mid Sodor. You don’t remember what happened, you don’t remember who you were, you couldn’t even remember your name when you first came here, for goodness’ sake, and it’s my fault!” 

He exhaled sharply, leaning forward with a creak of metal, his head in his hands, shoulders hunched, a truly pitiful sight to behold.

“I hate sitting on all of this, and I hate that no one believes me.” He grumbled. 

Outside, the muggy, sticky heat was finally given a period of reprieve. From the murky sky, raindrops began to fall, thick and fast, peppering the ground and the buildings of the Skarloey Estate with much needed water, a roll of thunder sounded in the distance, deep yet muffled, a promise of a stormy night yet to come.

From the gaps between his fingers, Peter Sam saw Smudger tilt his head towards the sound inquisitively, and he couldn’t help but wonder if this was the older engine’s first storm since his retrieval from the Mid Sodor, and his suspicions were confirmed as he spoke;

“Man. It ain’t just you. Dang sky’s yelling at me and all now.” He muttered, his voice almost lost in the white noise of the rain.

Peter Sam grimaced.

“… I’m sorry,” he sighed, finally lifting his head out of his hands, an uncharacteristically haggard expression on his face, it made him look far older than he was, “didn’t mean to shout, really.”

“S’fine. Feels good to yell sometimes. You’re just lucky Handel ain’t around to make a fuss about the noise.”

Another lapse, and outside the rainfall turned into a deluge, pouring from the sky in a great sheet. The temperature steadily dropped, and the scent of petrichor lingered in the air; the sight and the smell normally would’ve brought some sense of comfort to Peter Sam, but tonight the gloomy weather just made him feel boxed in. He gazed reproachfully up into the dark hills that surrounded the estate, eyes narrowing.

Was Proteus up there right now? Skulking around, refusing to interact with anyone, human or engine, loyal to no railway, answering to no man; spreading his spoiled wishes across the island, duping silly little engines like him into thinking they could make a difference.

Oh. If he found him again… 

“Think you’re beating yourself up about this for nothing, y’know.” Smudger said, bright eyes watching the rain, blinking slowly, lazily. “All that spiel that came outta your mouth was great and all. But you didn’t actually stop to ask me how I feel about all of this, the uh… So-called victim of the hillbilly and his faulty lamp.”

Peter Sam drew his knees up to his chest, his face pulled into a sullen, moody arrangement, feeling for all the world like a student being reprimanded by his teacher. It was a weirdly familiar sensation, one that he really didn’t care to look into at the moment.

“Alrighty. Penny for your thoughts?” He asked, doing his best to lighten his tone.

“I ain’t that cheap, sorry,” Smudger sighed, barely disguising a yawn, it was clear that the older engine’s lack of steam was winding him down for the night, but still, he spoke, “look, I just reckon you’re thinking about all of this the wrong way. Sure, I don’t remember anything about Duke, or the Mid Sodor, but from what I’ve been told, I’m not sure I want to.”

“I can understand that.” Peter Sam nodded, though an awful, sour feeling now sat resolutely in his throat, a need to tell Smudger that he should at least be a little curious as to his origins, but he stayed silent, letting the older engine speak on.

“Even if I could remember all of my misfortune, all of my spills, all those decades spent as a generator, I’d probably wanna forget all that crap anyway.” Smudger said simply. “Wouldn’t you? Growing and healing from horrible stuff that’s happened to you is cool when it’s a plot for some cheesy novel, but it sucks in the real world. Would you wanna do it if you didn’t have to? I wouldn’t.”

“Depends on the engine.” Peter Sam pointed out. “Some of my friends wouldn’t be who they are today if they hadn’t gone through the hardships of life.”

“Guess you could argue that, yeah. But I’m not interested in working through everything that’s happened to me,” Smudger replied, “if I was given the choice, and I have been; I’m fine with not knowing. That’s good enough for me, and that should be good enough for you too, right?”

Peter Sam didn’t reply, but it was clear that Smudger’s words hadn’t sat well with him. He was frowning mightily, his mouth pressed into a thin line, and when he finally spoke again, that sulky edge was present once more, rough and grating.

“Being told about who you were and what happened to you isn’t the same as remembering it.” He grumbled. “It’s hard to think about the past, of course it is, but how are we supposed to grow if we don’t? We need that experience and those life lessons, otherwise we never learn anything, we end up doomed to repeat the same things over and over again.”

“Peter, I’m not stuck in a loop, you know.” Smudger said sharply. “I’m not an idiot, man. I’m not doomed to make mistakes and then immediately forget why and how I made them.”

The older engine sighed, a short and sharp exhalation of breath, a frustrated sound.

“Maybe I haven’t started growing yet,” he went on, “maybe you, and Duke have just gotta give me a chance to figure some stuff out first. Maybe this right here is gonna lead me to become whoever I am in the future. ‘Cept this time the world’s a kinder place, this time I’ve got a bit more sense and this time, I’ve got a couple hints as to what I shouldn’t do under my belt. How about that?”

“What happened to you on the Mid Sodor wasn’t right.” Peter Sam said doggedly, and in his anxious fidgeting, an entire strip of silicone was peeled away from his thumb, earning a grimace form him. “Fiddlesticks. You shouldn’t have been put away like that because of a bad track record, no engine who was treated like some object with no sentience did. What humans did to some of us back then was draconian, you know that, right?”

“That’s not what I’m getting at,” Smudger replied with a shake of his head, “I don’t wanna be a victim. I’m tryna reassure you that this is a far, far better start in life for an engine like me, and knowing what little I know about who I was back then is enough to make me wanna be better. Useful, if you want, that sounds like a second chance. Sounds like you got your wish to me.”

“But…”

Peter Sam struggled to think of another point to make, another angle at which he could approach this, all of what Smudger said made sense, but it still did nothing to appease the squirming, nauseating feeling of guilt inside of his stomach.

“Think what this all boils down to is you worrying that after all of that effort to restore me, I’ve ended up as some miserable prick. A bit like Duke,” Smudger snorted, casting a glance at the deluge outside, “contrary to what you think, I’m pretty happy right now. I’m not out in that mess at least. That’s a cause for celebration if you want my opinion.”

Peter Sam finally found himself cracking something like a smile, a wobbly expression that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and from across the shed, Smudger appeared to notice this, as with a groan of metal, he sat up a little straighter, fixing the younger engine with those intense, yet warm eyes.

“Peter Sam.”

“Smudger?”

“You did a good thing, alright? It’s fine.”

Peter Sam swallowed a retort, a retort that he wasn’t even sure he wanted to make. Something about the way Smudger spoke worked to calm the storm howling away inside of his head, after such a hard conversation, it was strange how just that simple sentence was enough to quell the unease plaguing him.

It’s fine.

Directly above Smudger’s head, the lamp hanging from the wooden ceiling beam suddenly fizzled, the lightbulb buzzing and dimming almost to the point of popping, before it flashed back up again, bright and warm as if nothing had happened.

Smudger glanced up, an eyebrow cocked.

Peter Sam held his breath, hoping against hope that nothing would come of it, hoping that it was just a faulty lightbulb, hoping…

“Someone’s gotta check out the wiring in this shed tomorrow.” Smudger commented, his eyes sliding closed. “Reckon I might know a thing or two about that.”

[skele-bunny]

I've wrote some Kitty Dew for the lovely @sphylor ! They inspired me a whole bunch, and it was comforting for myself to write this. I hope others are able to find comfort with it, too!

Read it under the cut or on AO3!

The soft jingle of a bell made Special's ears perk up, looking around the infirmary but not finding anything - simply shrugging and going back to writing his notes of the day. As it sounded again, Special now got up, looking around more thoroughly before the sight of a tail under one of the beds made him sigh with a laugh. Gently lifting the cover sheet and kneeling down, his own tail began to sway as he saw Dewdrop rolling around under the bed, shaking his mouse toy in his mouth, his bell collar loud and proud.

“Psps…” Special cooed, watching Dew’s eyes quickly look upside down, then his whole body rolling over with a happy smile.

“Hi there, kitty. Are you being sneaky, hmm?” Spec laughed, watching Dew crawl out from under, rubbing against his chest.

Dew looked up, his mouse stuck between teeth and some drool going down as he offered the toy. “Mousey.” He said, muffled some by the fabric.

Special faked a gasp, putting his hand over his heart as he offered his spare in which Dew lightly placed the toy. “Oh my Lucifer! Are you telling me you found mousey in the infirmary?”

Dew nodded his head rapidly, a smile growing with excited giggles. “Well, well, that just won't do! Now will it? I guess we're gonna have to look for all of the mouseys we can!”

The fire ghoul let out a loud trill, bouncing on his knees which made his bell go off again. Special stood up, gently poking the regressed Ghoul’s nose.

“Now you stay here, remember the rules, right?”

Dew nodded, quickly closing his eyes and sitting patiently. Special smiled before going to his desk, opening the bottom drawer and pulling out a small bag. He began to place smaller, colorful mouse toys around the infirmary - making sure to keep them on the floor or eyes reach as he didn't want Dew to get hurt. The little cat had visited him many times before, finding comfort in the quiet, cold room. Special never minded, and if it was busy, he'd simply place a folded blanket and pillow under his desk opening to let Dewdrop rest.

When it first happened, Special was confused. He had never encountered age regression, let alone pet regression before. All he knew was that Dewdrop reminded him of when his brothers were little, that sparkle in their eyes and desire to play; always gnawing on his tail, clinging to his leg, and gentle babbles. Of course as he always did, Special delved into his research and even talked to the Ghoul about it when he was in an older headspace. With more understanding of the coping mechanism, it became easier for him to care and play with the fire ghoul when he was a small one.

“There!” Phil said, holding the bag. “I think I need a brave kitty to help find me all those naughty mouseys!”

That gave the signal for Dew to begin his fake hunt, trilling again and quickly running on all fours to start looking around. The Null Ghoul smiled, tilting his head as he watched the kitten scurry around, always having excited gasps and tail flicking as he'd find a mouse - giving it a good shake between his teeth for extra measure, then trot up to Special to receive pets and heavy amounts of praise as he dropped off his ‘kill.’

Honestly, Special loved getting time with Kitty. It was relaxing for him, too. Not having to be nose deep in infection logs, hear his father or mother ask for advice on plans, or just working in general. Today was especially needed, having to reset one of the Doves wings after Agni had broken it - and by default reaction, had gotten bitten on his arm. He knew it was an accident, and apologized to over and over, but he wouldn't lie to say the encounter left him distressed. Yet, there wasn't enough time between patients to recover from it.

Kitty was that perfect relaxer.

He bent down again, letting out a happy purr as Dewdrop quickly came over again, shaking his head for a bit before dropping the mouse into Special's hand. His hands tippy-tapped against the tile with a giant smile, tail wagging as he waited for his deserved praise.

“That's four! Wow! Look at you go kitty! You only have one left, such a good mouse hunter.” Phil reached out, gently scratching behind Dew's horn before watching him flop over, exposing his belly. “Oh? Don't want to hunt anymore?”

Dew let out a long, deep purr in response, ears flicking back and forth as he curled his hands up to his chest. Special sat on the floor with him, gently rubbing his hand across the fire ghoul's stomach, making sure to massage his side that he loved getting touched.

“You did absolutely amazing, kitty. I'm so proud of you! How about later, we can find that last mouse together, and maybe you can take a nap while I finish some stuff up. You wanna do that? Wanna take a nap with Spec?” He said, voice soft and trying to make his words easier for a smaller headspace.

Of course, Dewdrop nodded, mewing and rolling over to crawl on to Phil's lap - curling up and continuing to purr, warning himself up and relaxing further as Special began to pet down his back. The two let out a heavy exhale almost in sync, Spec closing his own eyes as he let the purrs ease his daily pains away.

[spiribia]

Paleo Pines has the most berserker animal color rarity generation system I've encountered where as far as I understand a new seed is generated when you first wake up each in-game morning, containing all the dinosaur color/pattern spawns for the day. But here's where it gets sickening - that seed, once generated, is irrevocably fixed to that in-game date on your save file, so if on Day 18 you wake up and look at what dinosaurs spawned, then reload a save from Day 17 and go to sleep, and wake up to the next day, those Day 18 dinos will be the exact same as they were when you checked them first. You could go all the way back to a Day 1 save, and progress through all the days following it until Day 18, and Day 18 will still be the exact same as it was when, again, you first woke up in it and thus determined for all eternity its spawns. This will be the case with all the days in between as well. So you can't soft reset to shiny hunt. And of course your ranch requires daily maintenance, and things decay over time if untended - which are all things you must contend with, because you cannot just hunt for rare colors and divorce yourself from the forward march of time. Antithesis of the shiny hunter time loop. All that is known is fixed forever. The only practical way to see more is to walk into the future, into unspawned territory. Into the searing morning light of tomorrow.

[watari-apologist]

top 10 attractive traits of watari, GO

ON IT, BOSS

10. extremely rich

the man is Absolutely Fucking Loaded. like if we take "L: wammy's house" as canon, we are talking multi-millions or -billions kind of rich. he owns real estate. if you're going to fuck him for no other reason, fuck him for the fact that he will shower you with expensive gifts

9. impeccable fashion sense

every outfit we ever see him wear in canon is FIRE. the trenchcoat + hat + mask combo? mysterious. alluring. if he had only ever worn this in canon, the death note fandom would have been shipping him with L from DAY ONE and never stopped. his suit? simple yet effective. he knows it's a classic for a reason. whatever the fuck that attack helicopter outfit during the higuchi chase was? literally So Cool. my man CANNOT MISS

8. good manners

he's a gentleman through and through. will keep your secrets, discreet as all hell. unfailingly polite even if he's torturing you for information

7. tall

according to "how to read 13", watari is 5'9" (175cm for people like me who don't know the imperial system) which makes him slightly shorter than L, but i categorically disagree with that. like, this book also tried to tell me that he weights 51kg/112lbs compared to L's 50kg/110lbs estimation and i REFUSE to believe that watari, a well-built elderly man, weighs only slightly more than a 24yo twink with an eating disorder. like come the fuck on. those numbers are all made up. watari has the vibes of a man who is 6ft, and tall men exist only to be climbed like a tree

6. loyal

he will die for you without question or complaint, and otherwise protect you with his life. anyone who tries to harm you will end up mysteriously disappearing within a week tops, never to be heard from again. no amount of money or persuasion would ever convince him to betray you. it's like marriage, but more romantic

5. the voice

i don't know how to explain this one to you. if you don't already get it, i fear you never will. but an endlessly calm, soft-spoken british accented voice can be Everything - and it is. to me. ALSO since we are on the topic of voices, this is my chance to mention lutz mackensy, who plays watari in the German Death Note Audio Drama (reset the clock, i mentioned it again). he obviously doesn't have a british accent, but he DOES have the sassiest and most INEXPLICABLY HORNY watari performance to ever exist. the heavy breathing and Forceful Dom Voice "Komm schon" during misa's torture scene have been living rent free in my brain since the moment i first heard them and i will Never Recover

4. really good cook

sweets, pastries, cakes, chocolates - you name it, the man can make it. according to "L - the prologue to death note: spiraling trap" (or whatever we're calling it these days), he makes ALL of L's sweets and is in fact so famous for his sweets making skills that he has a whole mysterious alias associated with it (phantom patissier my beloved). feeding L sweets to gain his affection is LITERALLY a game mechanic in communicator mode and watari has been doing it for like a decade before your fbi agent showed up on the premises. seduction via food is his modus operandi

3. really good cock

some people say that sex with an older man is gross, but those people are cowards. don't let them fool you. watari has decades of experience under his belt (literally) and will gladly show off his skills. he knows where the prostate is. he knows where the g-spot is. he KNOWS where the clitoris is. additionally, he owns two hands and one mouth and a wide variety of expensive sex toys if the dick isn't quite the right thing for your pleasure. you are not walking away from that encounter without At Least three orgasms (unless you're into that, in which case he will edge you within an inch of your life and then just fuckin leave lol)

2. handsome

i mean...

i could elaborate, but i don't feel the need to. as brian david gilbert once said: "i don't know what to tell you. if you're not attracted to this, you're wrong"

and finally, the NUMBER ONE ATTRACTIVE QUALITY that watari possesses:

1. problematic

he owns orphanages all over the globe and at LEAST one of them is a front for a super-detective training agency that traumatises children. he works for L, a guy who has zero qualms about violating human rights, and is in fact not only complicit in kidnapping, but is seen actively participating in ACTUAL TORTURE when ordered (watari_pulling_on_gloves.gif my beloved). he shoots a sniper rifle at an occupied, moving vehicle in the middle of tokyo without a SECOND'S hesitation. something is Deeply Wrong with this man. i couldn't fix him if i tried, but honestly? whatever is wrong with him is way more fun and interesting anyway, so i might as well hang around to watch the ensuing train wreck <3

[professorhawthorne]

An update and RUMBLE WEEKEND!!

Hey everyone!

Its been a long time since I've posted to this blog but that's because I've been buisy getting life stuff sorted! My post-grad work is chugging along, I got a new job in my field and I'm learning to drive about 10 years late! But I've been playing a ton of pokemon in the mean time! I've got some full odds hunts in generations 3 and 4 on the go to get some fun playthroughs in before bank shuts down (Maybe in April?).

Fig 1. Full odds hunts for Spheal/Snorunt in RSE and Chimchar in platinum!

My luck with full odds hunting has been atrocious until the day of writing this post though. I've put the gen 3 hunt on hold because I was overcome with an urge to play Platinum again and do some pokeradar chaining so I expanded out to 3 consoles and took up soft resetting for Wimpod on the side in Sun.

Fig 2. Triple hunting Chimchar (My resets for Wimpod were done on the black and blue 2DSXL in the pile) ((I also cleaned up my desk finally, feels good))

Unfortunately I passed odds on Wimpod and a soft reset caused my 2DS to freak out and delete the entire game install, fortunately I was juuust in the time window to redownload it from the eShop so I'll pick it back up again some day! Until then though, the hunt for Chimchar continues.

I've also been slowly building up a collection of retro junk that's fun to tinker with! Meet my new CRT and VHS setup! (I'll get a tv unit for it the second I find an era appropriate one!)

Fig 3. He just wants his swamp back

While we're on the topic of retro tech, let me tell you about my favorite latest project! My roomie had a spare wii that he didn't want so I took it, soft-modded it and dressed it up in a pretty see through shell!

Fig 4. A top down view of the console and its first stickers!

Fig 5. A side on view of the transparent shell

I've been using this puppy to catch up on all of the gamecube and wii games I've missed, mostly Colosseum, Gale of Darkness and Resident Evil stuff! However there is one other thing I've been loving~ Pokemon Rumble and its fan mod, Weekend Edition! The mod adds in gen 2 and 3 pokemon that were missing from the base game and there's even a roughly quarterly shiny hunting event called Rumble Weekend where you only hunt in Rumble! The odds are roughly the same as the gen 3 and 4 games (1/8192) but the encounters fly by so fast that shinies feel relatively common.

I participated for the first time this weekend and after only an hour or so of playing I had my first two Rumble Weekend shinies!!

Fig 6. My first Rumble shiny!! A beautiful, healthy Manectric

Fig 7. My second Rumble shiny! A lovely Ourple Swampert!

I wanna try and play more next Rumble weekend but I'm so happy to finally break my shiny drought with two gen 3 gems!! I plan on posting more now that I'm transitioning to a new job with a much less chaotic schedule, see y'all around! <3

[askmurderplier]

Encounter...

The streets are dark, it's late and you really shouldn't be out this late, but whether its coming home from work, running an errand, or some other reason, this is the mistake you made... The streets are empty at least, so you keep your pace quick and steady, pressing forward and burying your face in your phone, keeping alert of your surroundings. It's when you reach the bridge that you notice a few things off. There's no cars for a start. The streets are dead. Not a single car crossing the bridge or on the roads. There's no people either, not a soul around. Sure its late but usually there's a FEW people around. Then there's the lights, why do they feel so much dimmer than usual? It's not foggy or midnight or anything, its not raining, maybe the powers just going out?

You reset your focus forward, almost home. You repeat it like a mantra in your head and press onwards. Footsteps the loudest thing around while you keep your head down, focused inward and trying to stay calm. You check the time on your phone. 6:45PM It gets dark around 3-4pm lately and sure its a bit more dangerous walking home alone, but when the streets are empty its easy to settle into being relaxed... So why are you so tense?

The answer soon comes into view, causing you to stop in your tracks for a moment to stare at the scene ahead of you. Two figures, one in all black, you can't make out a single detail other than a long coat. Their movements are slow, precise, elegant almost. The other figure is shorter, more frantic, backing away from the first towards the rail of the bridge, pressed up against it. Immediately you can tell something is wrong. Is one in danger? Maybe it's just a couple arguing? Maybe you can just quickly walk by, keep your head down, not get involved? You opt to keep watching a moment longer, only to see the horror of a sudden quick movement and over the rail goes the more frantic figure. The calmer figure in the coat watching for a moment, then running something along the rail of the bridge, dusting something off.

You start to take a few steps back and type in a certain 3 numbers on your phone to dial but don't yet touch the call button. Did you just witness a murder? Maybe you're seeing things? No one else is around for miles, it's quiet, too quiet. Right as you're about to turn around and run the opposite way, the figure notices you. You run. You run as fast as you can, hurrying around a corner, ducking behind a building and crouching low. Maybe they wont follow? Maybe they lost you? You can't tell....

your finger hovers over the call button again. You really should report this! You probably just witnessed a murder! That other person might be in trouble!

Right as you go to hit the button, the phone is suddenly no longer in your hand and a calm soft tone utters a shhh to you. You quickly stand to your feet ready to run, ready to yell, but black leather finds itself across your mouth. your back presses the wall and you stare up in horror at black soulless eyes. No... Glasses. His eyes are hidden.

"Shhhh. Hi~ Don't panic. I just wanted to ask a question that's all, then you can be on your way~"

You already know what's he's going to ask. You ready your answer.

"You saw something just now, didn't you?"

You quickly shake your head

"That's right. Did you see another person on the bridge just now?"

You shake your head again.

"And when you ran back here, you saw someone?"

One more time you shake your head and he lets go of your mouth.

"Good Pup. Now run along. Before I change my mind."

You opt not to test your luck and quickly run as fast as your feet can carry you. You don't stop til you reach home, checking over your shoulder the entire time.

You can only hope that man didn't follow you home...

[hay1ock]

Another week, another took-a-long-time-to-process-so-now-going-to-ramble Only Friends post. I have no idea where I want to start as there were so many entanglements, emotions, moments for the characters, both separately and together.

Firstly, once again, got to praise the show for looking good. Loved some of the shots, one particular one was the continuous shot of Sand following Ray into his den/music room, and also Nick and Boston beneath those antlers - was as if Nick was being consumed by a beast (how very Hannibal lol)

So, thoughts on the characters and relationships. I guess we’ll start with Top and Mew as they kicked the episode off.

Top - honestly, I’m so conflicted over him. One minute I’m like, okay I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and the next I’m all hell no, shoo *waves him away*. He certainly earned some ‘bodacious side-eyes’ this week.

1. His glance at Boston after asking Mew to be his boyfriend. He looked so smug.

2. The way he ‘claimed’ Mew in front of Ray saying they had a date and taking his hand. Does he already feel threatened by Ray?

3. The way he spoke to Ray when Cheum hurt her ankle. (I’m not a doctor but I didn’t see Ray’s idea to raise a swollen ankle as a bad thing. He clearly wasn’t looking to hurt his friend). It just felt like Top was exerting dominance again. BUT maybe with the backstory we saw he now needs to control situations and jumped in without watching his tone.

4. Him and Boston in the shower (obviously lol)👀. I couldn’t get a read what he was thinking. He said stop but then let Boston get right back to it. His expression bounced around from into it to annoyed to… I don’t know what. BUT that isn’t the way to get into Mew’s good books lol.

Then on the other hand we have the backstory and his fear of sleeping alone. He seemed genuine about his past and can certainly see his sleeping around rooted in that. In episode 1, he could have just left, maybe even still had time to find someone else if it was just sex he wanted, but he asked to stay over, even if just to cuddle and sleep beside Mew. So until I’m shown otherwise I believe him. Curious if he’s abusing the sleeping tablets though (based on bits they showed in both trailers).

Mew - just because he’s a glasses wearing virgin doesn’t mean he’s naive, I mean… have you seen his friends? Lol. I do think he’s ticking things off a little too easily, but Top does make his heart tremble so there are feelings there already and he’s maybe looking for reasons for Top to meet his list. It no way excuses the Top and Boston encounter, but I do wonder how far Mew will push his No Sex rule with Top and this whole reset and then his cookie kiss teasing and if that’ll blow up in his face? (I see you car in the preview). But like I get it. If Top cares for him he should be willing to wait until Mew is ready, build trust and get to know each other properly. Plus you know, Top has his hand and a healthy imagination, he’ll be fine lol.

Boston - or rather…BOSTON! I love him but hate him lol. Bold move with Top in the shower. I’m not really sure why he’s so bothered. Like seriously how good was the sex? Has he caught feelings? Or is it just about one-upping Mew, is there more to their ‘friendship’? Jealousy? A one-sided rivalry of some kind? The fact he’s looking to use Ray and Mew’s friendship to get Top is a scummy move. And then there’s his relationship with Nick.

After Ray, Nick is my second precious, please-protect-him-from-everything-as-well-as-himself baby. He looked so tiny with his knees up to his chest, and soft and vulnerable lying in bed for the photos. Boston has made it clear-ish what their status is so Nick should be aware falling for him is a fruitless endeavour. BUT. The ish is because like Nick I’m getting mixed signals when he’s calling him his favourite, calling him cute, giving him little kisses and confidence boosts. The first sex scene between them this episode is more how I view Boston, flipping Nick over, pushing him down, no need to see his face. He just wants sex, not a connection with Nick. Argh, Nick’s attached and it’s gonna hurt. God, everybody’s so messy lol.

And then we’re round to my best boy, Ray. God I love seeing Khaotung like this. Anyway, yes he’s a danger to himself and others when drunk, not saying he’s an angel, but as Mew said he can’t be stopped, not unless he’s ready to admit he has a problem and get help. Struggling characters speak to me lol.

I loved his scene with Mew near the start. Sure he’s jealous, probably more so when drunk, but this episode he came across as supportive. Worried but supportive nonetheless. He’s probably met some Top’s before so is rightly concerned about Mew jumping in when their might be someone nice down the line (and I’m convinced he wasn’t talking about himself here - there’s no way he sees himself as anywhere near good enough for Mew). I felt like his glances at Top both by the pool and then the outdoor activity were, yes there’s still some jealousy but also as if they were out of concern/viewing how Top is acting - to me, he seemed surprised/wary at Top coming over as controlling and jumping in about the date and taking hold of Mew, and then at the activities it felt like he was observing/considering the genuineness of Top’s calls of support (vs Boston’s done with them eye roll).

There was a lot of stuff brought up for Ray this episode. Him and Sand was just amazing. From following Sand as what probably started out as a nice distraction, to hiring him as a drinking buddy, to genuinely bonding and smiling, to, well, that last sequence - god dang he was oozing with charm and his lustful gaze and… Why does smoking always look so hot? It really isn’t but damn does it look all cinematic and sexy. But yeah, it was great not to have to listen to him throw up this week. The flashback to his mum though. It seemed she died with a drink in her hand. Whether it was straight up from the alcohol, or maybe it caused other health problems? Was it just alcohol or was she washing down pills or something? Did she drunkenly fall and hit her head? *squints at the blurry scene* It’s certainly a trauma that is part of why he drinks, exacerbated by his loneliness and now the fear of losing Mew and that friendship as him and Top get closer. I’m also scared Ray is drinking himself stupid as a way to follow her.

Sand. The goodest boy (shhh pretend he’s not selling moonshine). I loved him so much when he tried to cheer Ray up after asking questions about his mum’s death. It was clear Ray was upset and down and it was lovely seeing him make Ray smile. Also, the way he was staring at Ray in these scenes. Gah. He’s so interested in him. I found it funny him turning away the girl, when Ray had suggested the three of them hang out. At least he got Ray looking very pleased with himself when it was just the two of them. There’s not much else to dive into with him at the moment. That talk to the camera thing at the end. Boy already looks like he knows he fucked up. Playing with fire indeed. Nothing else to say right… okay maybe one thing. Tattoo *kicks feet*

Random things.

1. Cheum and April. Wasn’t much of them but they were cute.

2. Sorry Top but that dive into the water. I kind of like it in that it shows he isn’t perfect. And apparently this isn’t Baywatch lol.

3. Tattoo.

4. I wonder if there was more than that one shot of Nick that Boston took? Hoping there’s nothing that can be used against Nick in the future.

5. TaTtOo.

6. The way Sand broke the kiss by pulling Ray away *melts*

7. Sand and Nick becoming roomies. They can bitch about their emotionally unavailable men over some plum wine lol. Wonder if Boston and Ray will end up there at the same time?

8. Ray’s face when Mew said Top had ticked the get along with friends box on his list.

9. Fluffy haired Ray at the outdoor activities.

10. TATTOO.

11. I kinda wanna go to a laser quest again. Like, are they still a thing? Time to relive my youth lol.

12. Took me a minute but realised those ‘talk to the camera’ interviews reminded me of the first episode of Queer As Folk (at least the UK version) where they had a similar thing. Vince was my baby. What do you mean I have a thing for guys who have a crush on their best friend? Lol

13. I can’t help it. I’m sorry. BUT Ray in that black fluffy cardigan outfit. It was his episode, at least for me.

14. Ray’s little face when he put him mum’s record on. Everybody shush. I love him okay.

15. I know you probably didn’t want him in your bed again since the reset, but Mew, cuddling on the couch did not look comfy.

16. So, if Nick works at a family business I shall switch my guess at Papang being something to do with uni and his course.

17. Title, where you at.

18. Ohhhhh. Yo and unnamed dude (please be called Lo) are together.

And I’ll shut up now. We’re down to hours until the next episode. Exciting.

[penumbralwoods]

bts for game on...and also distractions /np

alright!!!

game on first;

"Hello…

Stanley noticed a small stairwell and quickly rushed down it. The Narrator sputtered, “No- Wait, where are you going?” Just exploring. Why did it seem so worried?

The narrow hall opened to a huge room, with a greenish staircase leading up to… An open platform?

“Oh no- Stay away from those stairs! If you hurt yourself, if you die, the game will reset! We’ll lose all of this!”

Oh? Now they cared about Stanley’s life? On the border of something like victory for them? Stanley began climbing the stairs.

“Stanley no, let me stay here! Don’t take this from me!” They sounded on the verge of tears, and Stanley found himself smiling harder than he had since this stupid game began.

“Please, Stanley, think about what you’re doing!”

Hm.

Stanley thought about it.

Stanley jumped."

game on's main purpose was to establish a jumping-off point for the narrator and stanley's game. the countdown ending and zending have always been polar opposites in the dynamic to me, so they're the ones i went with. i really love writing from stanley's perspective because he's so... him. that's genuine, innocent curiosity at first- but then he realizes why the narrator is worried, and more importantly, that there's nothing to stop him. it's a very fun, quick transition into stanley's turn for control. i see a lot of people's interpretations of the zendings running an opposite way, like stanley hates it and feels guilty. it's very interesting, because my stanley loves that room. this is an establishment of a quick-and-easy way to manipulate and hurt the narrator badly. this is before anything substantial has started in their dynamic- if you notice the line about death earlier in the fic, stanley hasn't even gotten close to encountering all the endings available to him! this is before the rules of the game have been established. this is the first real event of the game, and i don't mean the stanley parable, i mean the game stanley and the narrator play between themselves. they haven't worked out the boundaries yet, and they're only gonna do that by fucking around and finding out- usually through lots of harm both to themselves and the other. now for distractions!

"Oh.

The Narrator had the most genuine, overjoyed look he’d ever seen on their face. It clasped its hands together, the third not-so-subtly shaking rapidly behind their back. Their expression softened. “And yet, even as the immense door slowly opened, Stanley reflected on how many puzzles still remain unsolved. Where had all his co-workers gone? How had he been freed from the machine’s grasp? What other mysteries did this strange building hold?”

Stanley was staring at them again, an unwanted fondness and warmth growing in his chest. They looked so damn happy.

The Narrator continued, too enraptured to notice his thoughts. “But as sunlight streamed into the chamber, Stanley realized that none of this mattered to him. For it was not knowledge, or even power, that he had been seeking, but happiness. Perhaps his goal had been not to understand, but to let go.”

Their voice was soft now, solemn. “No longer would anyone tell him where to go, what to do, or how to feel. Whatever life he lives, it will be his. And that was all he needed to know. It was, perhaps, the only thing worth knowing.”

They turned to him, a small smile returning. “Stanley stepped through the open door.”

Stanley swallowed, pushing everything back before their focus returned. His face felt hot as he rushed down the steps. Just get the cutscene over with.

“Stanley felt the cool breeze upon his skin, the feeling of liberation, the immense possibility of the new path before him. This was exactly the way, right now, that things were meant to happen.” “And Stanley was happy.”

He was. And it was going to bite him in the ass someday."

polar opposite fics, jesus!(/silly) distractions was the obligatory narrator-model fic. i wanted to make it clear that things are beginning to get more comfortable between stanley and the narrator, but not too much. stanley's still apprehensive about them, and absolutely refuses to let his guard down, but he's becoming more fond of them. i also love stanley's suppressed thoughts and feelings slipping through in his inner monologue, so the fic's full of "oh thats cute- SHUT UP STANLEY". most of the fic is spent with the narrator being ecstatic and stimming throughout the story while stanley watches and tries to remain normal. i'd like to clarify just in case; this isn't a "audhd people are cute" thing, this is stanley being unable to process the narrator being so openly and expressively happy in a heterosexual way. with that out of the way, the passage itself; for a long time before i wrote this fic, i had the image in my head of the narrator seeing the freedom ending's backdrop in person for the first time, and being absolutely entrenched in their own story. so entrenched, in fact, that they don't notice stanley staring at them and shouting FUCK in his head for their entire monologue. then, at the end, this is actually an important line to me- "And it was going to bite him in the ass someday." stanley's beginning to process that the dynamic is changing, and he's terrified. he's also correct; this run will inadvertently lead to the next fic (collision), which is the event that made the narrator feel comfortable enough with stanley to show him the memory zone. and then we know how that goes. well, partially. i have some very pushing-the-bounds-of-canon ideas for how the skip button goes for them, but you'll see that soon!

[delicatekidinfluencer]

How to Turn Safe Mode ON and OFF in Samsung Galaxy A20s

Embarking on your journey into the world of Samsung Galaxy devices, encountering minor hiccups along the way is inevitable, especially if you're new to the ecosystem. While these challenges may initially appear daunting, rest assured, they're often more manageable than they seem. It's all part of the learning curve, and with the right guidance, you'll swiftly navigate through any obstacles that come your way, including understanding how to turn safe mode ON and OFF in Samsung Galaxy A20s. Read More - ADDING IR SENSOR  | AS REMOTE In this article, we aim to demystify common issues encountered by Samsung Galaxy A20s users, empowering you to troubleshoot with confidence. By enabling the Safe Mode feature on your device, you can easily identify and address various problems that may arise. From app malfunctions to software glitches, Safe Mode serves as a valuable diagnostic tool, allowing you to pinpoint the root cause of any issues and take appropriate action. Read More – Screen overlay Detected Problem solved on Samsung Galaxy A20s What and Why Safe Mode? What to do in safe mode?  Steps to activate safe mode on Samsung a20sStep 1 : Turn Off your Samsung Galaxy A20s Step 2 : Press and Hold the Power Button Step 3 : Release the Power button and hold the Volume Down Key Step 4 : Hold the Volume Down Key Step 5 : Release Volume Down key and unlock your Samsung Galaxy A20s An alternative method to activate Safe Mode Turn off safe mode on Samsung Galaxy A20s Conclusion Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)Can I still access my data and apps while in Safe Mode? What should I do if my Samsung Galaxy A20s is stuck in Safe Mode? Will enabling Safe Mode delete any of my data or settings? Are there any risks associated with using Safe Mode on my Samsung Galaxy A20s? Can I use Safe Mode to diagnose hardware problems on my Samsung Galaxy A20s?

What and Why Safe Mode?

Safe Mode on your Samsung Galaxy A20s serves as a diagnostic tool, resetting your device to default settings and disabling third-party apps. It's akin to a soft reset, preserving your data while providing a clean environment to troubleshoot common issues such as freezes, resets, or sluggish performance. Activating Safe Mode forces your device to run on its basic operating system, bypassing potentially problematic third-party apps. This allows you to identify the root cause of issues related to battery life, connectivity, and more. If your device operates smoothly in Safe Mode, it suggests that a third-party app is likely responsible, empowering you to take targeted action to resolve the problem. Read More – What Can Do With Safe Mode

What to do in safe mode? 

Safe Mode puts your phone in a diagnostic state, returning it to default settings, allowing you to pinpoint if a third-party app is causing your device to freeze, reset, or run slowly. It's a diagnostic tool available on Samsung phones or tablets, forcing the device to run on the basic operating system, and disabling most third-party applications to resolve issues related to battery life, connectivity, and more. With all third-party apps disabled in Safe Mode, you can easily check if one of them is the reason your device keeps freezing.

Steps to activate safe mode on Samsung a20s

Here are some steps that you have to follow: - Turn Off your Samsung Galaxy A20s. - Press and Hold the Power Button. - Release the Power button and hold the Volume Down Key. - Hold the Volume Down Key. - Release the Volume Down key and unlock your Samsung Galaxy A20s. Here, we describe the above methods step by step with pictures. Step 1 : Turn Off your Samsung Galaxy A20s

To do this, first, you have to turn off your Samsung Galaxy A20s. Hold the Power Button for a few seconds, as shown below, and select the option to turn off your Samsung Galaxy A20s. Step 2 : Press and Hold the Power Button

After switching off your device, turn it on again by holding the Power Button. Step 3 : Release the Power button and hold the Volume Down Key

After you power on your Samsung Galaxy A20s, immediately press and hold the Volume Down key when the Samsung Galaxy logo appears or wait for the first lights to appear on your screen.

When you start to press the volume down key, remember to release the power button. During this time, you can only press one button. Step 4 : Hold the Volume Down Key Please hold the Volume Down key for a few seconds until the restart is complete and the Lock Screen appears.

Step 5 : Release Volume Down key and unlock your Samsung Galaxy A20s - Once the Lock Screen and Safe Mode are displayed, release the volume down key. - Now, you can unlock your Samsung Galaxy A20s using the lock screen. - You have successfully enabled Safe Mode on your Samsung Galaxy A20s. - Check the left corner of the screen to see if the Safe Mode icon is displayed.

An alternative method to activate Safe Mode

- Press and hold the Power button until the Power off box prompt appears. - Touch and hold Power off until the Safe mode prompt appears. - To confirm, tap Safe mode. (You can try this if you have a problem with the Volume Down button)

Turn off safe mode on Samsung Galaxy A20s

- Press and hold the Power key. - Tap Restart Now. It's all about the simple restart process of an Android device that turns off the safe mode. If you're looking to learn more about how to disable safe mode on Android devices, check out our comprehensive guide for detailed instructions and tips.

Conclusion

In conclusion, mastering the use of Safe Mode on your Samsung Galaxy A20s empowers you to troubleshoot and resolve various issues effectively. Whether you're facing app malfunctions, performance slowdowns, or connectivity issues, Safe Mode provides a valuable diagnostic tool to pinpoint the root cause. By following the simple steps outlined in this guide, you can confidently navigate Safe Mode, ensuring optimal performance and a seamless user experience on your device. Remember to share this guide with others to help them make the most out of their Samsung Galaxy A20s.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Can I still access my data and apps while in Safe Mode? Yes, you can still access your data and pre-installed apps while in Safe Mode on your Samsung Galaxy A20s. However, third-party apps will be disabled during this time. What should I do if my Samsung Galaxy A20s is stuck in Safe Mode? If your Samsung Galaxy A20s is stuck in Safe Mode, try restarting the device first. If that doesn't work, you can try performing a soft reset or removing the battery (if possible) to force a reboot. If the issue persists, you may need to seek assistance from a Samsung service center or perform a factory reset as a last resort. Will enabling Safe Mode delete any of my data or settings? No, enabling Safe Mode on your Samsung Galaxy A20s will not delete any of your data or settings. It simply disables third-party apps temporarily, allowing you to troubleshoot issues without affecting your personal data or device settings. Are there any risks associated with using Safe Mode on my Samsung Galaxy A20s? No, there are no significant risks associated with using Safe Mode on your Samsung Galaxy A20s. It's a built-in feature designed to help diagnose and resolve issues, and it won't cause any harm to your device. However, keep in mind that while in Safe Mode, some features and functionalities may be limited until you exit Safe Mode. Can I use Safe Mode to diagnose hardware problems on my Samsung Galaxy A20s? No, Safe Mode is primarily used to diagnose software-related issues on your Samsung Galaxy A20s. It temporarily disables third-party apps, allowing you to determine if they're causing problems. For hardware issues, it's best to consult a professional or contact Samsung support for assistance. Thank you for visiting! If this guide was helpful, please share it on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit to help others. Feel free to leave a comment with any error messages you encounter, and don't forget to subscribe for updates on the latest news and guides. Read the full article

[xsadcorebenji]

i want to disappear from the world again

i’m so tired

none of my friends really feel like my friends

and all i have are books and chess now

tv shows are draining

and chess with a chess computer allows for something real and tactile

i am just so tired of everyone and everything at this point

memories

so many memories

and no one really remembers me

literally not a single soul on this planet besides me and blood tethers remembers my birthday

it’s literally the first day of the year each year.

no one ever remembers me.

i’m so tired.

good night. i’m tired.

a soft reset,

and it’s just me and moxi now

in a soft reset where i know no one again

and have to start all over again and again

i’ll be happy. constantly running away.

disappointed in everyone i even remotely kept close to my heart.

i want to start all over again.

if it meant absolutely no one except moxi remembers me.

can fox come back too?

i want to be me now, and re-encounter my first major relationship and it’s a fresh start because you never met me

you wouldn’t know all my exhaustive flaws,

and i would never be open to anyone ever again,

and then you’d love me finally.

i’d just learn to compartmentalize my emotions to the extent it manifests into a stroke.

i want to die like my father did once.

life is enduring pain.

i am grateful for my chess computer

i am grateful for this mushroom coffee i drank

i am grateful for moxi being safe and near

i am grateful for the benefits i get from my job

i am grateful for the tiny bits of fun i got to have this past summer

i am grateful for reorganizing my mtg commander decks

i am grateful most of them are optimized even though i genuinely have too many

i am grateful for the card deck suitcase thing i have that can carry fifteen of them, but the suitcase makes me feel like kaiba

i am grateful that i can just go anywhere technically just choose one at random and would probably become archenemy or win the game

i am grateful that it was me who built the decks not just some net decks, (not that i didn’t use some as inspo, but there is something fun about scrolling through databases and creating something for yourself)

i am grateful that in the future yamaha has a nice drum machine that i desperately want

i am grateful i have some music gear i definitely wanted

i am grateful to just be able to lie down a lot of the time

i am grateful for how solid my quads/thighs feel, it’s just nice to just caress my own legs in admiration

i am grateful my therapist works with me

i am grateful that soon i’ll be able to do TMS

i am grateful that i get to look back in my life and tell people stories if they cared to listen

i am grateful to be improving in chess

i am grateful that my finances are finally starting to even out

i am grateful that i don’t hate how i write

i am grateful that i’m emotional considering i find too many people emotionless

i am grateful moxi wants to lay next to me still

i am grateful for my own musical ability even if it feels it’s not all that interesting (because of how disinterested everyone is in everything i ever do creatively)

i am grateful i have the entirety of proust’s in search of lost time

i am grateful that i even have to express genuine gratitude considering my mother simply cannot

i am just so very alone, so very lonely,

tired of feeling like i’m too cumbersome to be loved

i know i know how to actually love

can you?

can you say that you are genuinely a loving person?

i’m chaotic because i get so hurt very often

and i still love recklessly because

it would hurt not to

my loneliest regret in life is

why couldn’t i have had self esteem back when i was dating my first major partner

it’s so frustrating

that if i was the person i am now back then,

maybe i wouldn’t have been so worried

i hear stories all the time of people who love one another so purely, like sticking it out through the worst of times

genuine patience

and i’m not a drug addict

but somehow i feel like i must be something much worse when i get so many rejections and people lose interest in me

like there are literal serial murderers in prison who have more admirers than i can ever experience

and i don’t care i’m not frustrated because people love a “bad guy”

everyone deserves love, even our worst enemies do

frustratingly so, the worst people still deserve someone kind and patient to them

but me.

no one. wants me.

i have a sadness somehow more cumbersome than the worst drug addictions

i have a sadness somehow more frustrating and uglier than the act of killing one another

(as one could analyze from every rejection)

it fucking hurts.

i look in the mirror and i’m not ugly

but no one else cares.

so much aloof, apathetic noise filtered through the air

and you can pretend all you want that you “care”

but just be real

isn’t all of it somewhat cosplay?

even i scrutinize myself, do i even really care for anyone?

i want to disappear and reapper

you only love me when i’m joking, or the life of the party

when i cry you find me so terribly, so viciously ugly, your first instinct is to leave me behind,

throw me away

and pretend there was nothing at all

always.

you pretend there was nothing at all even once.

i am in the most amount of pain i’ve experienced in so long

did i cry this often back when i was 23/24

i don’t know it’s hard to remember all the gloomy days, i just know the experience of them,

staring blankly at the corners of rooms,

crying and if in a “good mood” having a playlist of sad songs to fall asleep to

i love you

be honest

did you ever really want to know me at all?

because i don’t see it anymore

i feel left behind by the wayside

and i am tired.

is my life alone

just one that’s always going to be so frustratingly lonesome?

so cold,

i just want my finances more secured so i can live alone with moxi,

i’ll occupy myself with good thinkers, and good books, so i don’t fall for the miserly woes of all the cynics of the world

but i don’t know

anything

it’s all so very outside of my control

i miss my first partner

they really used to really like me

and i was an idiot

because i let all my meddlesome insecurities ruin everything

what a painful planet

god, please let me reincarnate into a fish

if a fish really feels no pain

but that’s a falsity

they have pain receptors

so do insects

it’s just there are so many things that don’t even consider pain receptors

even plants have pain receptors

what a fucking world

all we ever can do is cause harm

[sage-nebula]

“Gee Scrawlers, why don’t you ever use your Master Balls, even on battles that take you multiple resets to catch?”

THIS IS WHY. SHINY LEGENDARY, FIRST ENCOUNTER, AND I HAD A MASTER BALL HANDY TO NOT RISK THAT SHIT. THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHY YOU NEVER USE YOUR MASTER BALLS UNTIL YOU ENCOUNTER A POKEMON YOU CAN’T RISK FAINTING / GETTING AWAY.

[blzzrdstryr]

If it's not againts the rule ,can I request Yandere childe, zhongli,diluc with reader every time she killed ,the time rewind back to the start of the event kinda like happy death day ? Thank you

Starring: Childe, Zhongli, Diluc

Childe

During his time in the Abyss, Childe had to encounter not only horrifying and bloodthirsty abominations that are the monsters dwelling in it’s depth, but also the figments of his imaginations. Sometimes he saw Morepesok, the tranquil waves and his peers playing near the shore, and his heart ached for it - for the blue clear sky and sense of security. Sometimes he saw war, it was alarming and eerie at first to see someone else die, but he got used to it and even developed a taste for that later - carnage and massacre were the reason he got out alive. And sometimes he saw his family - they died before his eyes one by one, his kind mother and father, smiley Tonya and mischievous Anton, and even baby Teucer. He had to see them die over and over and over, until a part of him shattered beyond any repair. That’s why he treasures them so much - he is too aware how frail and mortal they really are.

Childe thinks he’s going insane when he sees your first death. There’s so much blood and for the first time in years it’s smell and sight don’t bring any pleasure to the Harbinger, it sickens him instead. He stays there, clutching your body, completely stunned as a flower of hatred blossoms in his chest. He hates you for dying, he hates the world for killing you and most importantly he hates himself for failing to save you. Childe will become hysterical shortly after, decimating anyone and anything that had to do with your death, before collapsing on the ground, whole body trembling from the silent weeping.

The second it resets, Childe finds himself staring at you, completely shocked and dumbfounded. What was the thing that he saw earlier? A nightmare? He wants to chalk it up to his overactive imagination, when the day progresses in the exact same way. He will try to stop your death before it happens, but it will be fruitless regardless of what he does, as Childe will be subjected to your death time and time again.

This will lead to him losing the link with reality - for one moment he will even think that he never managed to escape the Abyss and all the years he spent on the surface are nothing but a mirage of his mind, yearning to see the world again. He will try to break the cycle any way he sees fit - once he will even think about killing you himself - maybe it will finally stop. His resolve will melt and vanish the second he decides to realize it into life. The cycle will stop once Childe kills everything and everyone he deems as a threat and you will be a sole witness to that. He will come to you then, all covered in blood and gore, uncaring of how terrifying he is, as his hand will pry your mouth open and force you into an unwanted kiss.

Diluc

Your death is one of Diluc’s worst nightmares. The death of his father left a bleak shadow of grief and rage over him and turned a cheerful and hopeful young knight into a brooding loner, and Diluc is sharply aware of that. He is aware of how anguish and pain twisted him into something darker, someone crueler. He doesn’t want to know what will happen if he sees you die - will he break down completely, losing any will to live? Will he turn into that bloodthirsty, sadistic monster, leaving scorched ruins and piles of burnt corpses in his wake?

No matter the answer, Diluc doesn’t want it to happen and does everything in his power to stop this chain of events: even before the “cycle” he will confine you in his manor and task his most trusted maids to keep a keen eye on you, afraid of anything bad happening to you while he is away.

He is completely stunned when he sees your initial death, it feels like the world itself stopped the second he catches your now breathless and unmoving body from collapsing, as he caresses your face with a trembling hand. Diluc’s mind will race, denial mixed with grief and rage clouding any semblance of rationality - he wants to scream and cry and hide somewhere to stop seeing this, he wants to close his eyes and pretend that nothing has happened, that you’re still alive and well. He can’t - it’s not fair and it doesn’t make sense, but he still can’t ignore this fact, can’t pretend that you’re well and safe no matter how his heart screams for this to happen.

Diluc will suddenly embrace you after a reset, a rare tear escaping his eyes as he smothers you in one tight hug. He will cease this opportunity and try his best to prevent your death, eliminating any perceived threat - you can’t go outside, it’s too dangerous, nor should you be around any sharp and pointy things either. In the end you will be confined in a small room, filled with soft and “safe” objects that Diluc is sure can’t kill you, you will also be subjected to the constant watch of one of the maids. Diluc can’t let you die again, even if it means stripping you from your basic rights and freedoms.

Zhongli

Out of all three Zhongli has the calmest reaction, that is not to say that he’s apathetic or unbothered by your death, but he lived six thousand years and is acquainted with death and losses way more than anyone else. Zhongli has simply gotten too used to the taste of grief to be completely shattered.

Nevertheless, he will allow himself to express his grief, gently caressing your dead body and mourning the time you yet had to spend together. He will reminisce about your past, remembering your smiles and laugh and the way you would move - so fluidly and elegantly, his heart aching at the thought that your life has been cut short and death stripped you off of any achievements you could make.

When it resets you will get an absolutely rare and unexpected view of shocked Zhongli, his mouth will be opened as he slowly blink at you, still processing what happened. Was he under the illusion or is it the erosion creeping up on him? Regardless of the answer, he will also try to stop you from dying.

He will order his adepti to watch over you when he can’t and will imprison you inside his own dimension, successfully eliminating most of the danger’s sources. Your screams and complaints won’t change his mind, as intends to keep you inside a serenitea pot for all eternity if it means that you will be safe and sound

[kykyonthemoon]

A Midsummer Night's Dream

A Childe/ Tartaglia x Lumine Fanfic

During The Summer Festival in Inazuma, Lumine encountered a kitsune-masked man. He was strange, yet so familiar. Who could he be?...

-------------------------

When Lumine and Paimon set foot in Inazuma, the weather was midsummer. In the sweltering air, the streets strewn with cherry blossoms became ever more bustling. The Summer Festival had arrived, with residents across Inazuma putting aside their daily worries to enjoy the best things summer had to offer.

Even travelers like Lumine and Paimon could not resist being invited to the festival. The lady from Kamisato house had asked Lumine and Paimon to accompany her, but something unexpected caused her to make another appointment. Determined not to miss the occasion, Lumine and Paimon agreed to take to the streets in new outfits that Ayaka had sent them.

Inazuma clothing is multi-layered and slightly harder to wear than previously worn by Lumine. In the summer, people do not wear too many layers due to the hot weather. As she put on the yukata, Lumine secretly admired its beauty: each needle line was very neat and beautiful, the outfit was pale yellow, dotted with cherry blossoms, especially it was not as hot as she had thought. There was also a hand fan made of bamboo and fabric of the same color as her yukata, which featured koi fish. Lumine remembered that Ayaka once told her about the types of fans, and this one was called “uchiwa,” and the koi pattern symbolized good luck.

“Traveler! You look beautiful!”

Lumine turned to her companion. Paimon wore the same patterned yukata as her, but it was pink and white. Her little friend looked more adorable than ever.

“I was thinking if my dress is a bit tight. If Paimon can’t eat anything tonight, I’ll be so angry at the Kamisato!”

Lumine burst into laughter.

The bustling city of Inazuma greeted them in the glorious sunset. On both sides of the road, colorful lanterns were lit. Everywhere was filled with different restaurants and stalls; flowers, prayer charms, masks, and decorations that extend all the way to Amakane Island. The most sold was, of course, food. Needless to say, Paimon loved to be here.

“Whoa! What a crowd!” Paimon remarked as they mingled with the group of walkers. “Don’t leave me behind, Traveler!”

However, it was Lumine who was left behind when Paimon was caught up in the roadside food stalls. The little companion flew up and then swooped down on literally every stall she saw, as they offered free tastings. A few minutes later, Lumine could not see Paimon anymore.

Lumine could not fly like Paimon. She had to squeeze through the stream of smiling and talking people to find her friend. Inazuma City is large, with small streets intertwined and connected to one another. After a long search, Lumine accepted the fact that she had lost Paimon.

Lumine sighed. It’s also unclear where she was on the map of Inazuma City. She wandered alone, looking at the streets and rolled her eyes to every corner to see if Paimon was somewhere around. Not paying attention to the path, she suddenly bumped into someone's back.

“Sorry… I’m sorry!” Lumine said, embarrassed.

In front of her was a white yukata patterned with light blue waves. Whoever she bumped into was much taller than her. Then, he turned around.

Lumine noticed that he was wearing a kitsune mask on his face. Although his face was unknown to her, his appearance was very familiar; tall and slim, with short, choppy orange hair, even his voice was like that person.

“Are you alright, Miss?”

Lumine was frozen for a moment.

"You're not hurt, are you? You should be careful in such a crowded place like this. I can’t bear to see a beautiful lady like you get hurt."

Lumine frowned. Even these teasing words were very similar to a person she knew.

"We've met before, haven't we?" She asked frankly. Lumine does not like to play the vague game.

The one in kitsune mask laughed out loud:

“Quite a bold young lady, aren’t you? Perhaps we’ve met, in my sweetest dreams.”

Lumine blushed. She was both embarrassed and a little angry. How dared a stranger make fun of her like that?

“If you’re not the person I know, then I’m sorry for bothering you.”

Saying so, Lumine was about to leave, but the man stopped her.

"Wait. I'm sorry I teased you. But you look a little lost, Miss. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Lumine weighed in on it a bit. She really needed to find Paimon and get back to the inn. Yet was this stranger trustworthy?

“Are you a local?” Lumine asked.

"No. I'm an outsider, just like you. The only difference is that I've been here for a while. I have some personal business here."

If it's a private matter, it's best not to ask. Lumine thought so. She hesitated for a moment and replied:

"I'm actually looking for my friends. I’ve just lost her."

"Then you've met the right person. I know every corner around here."

Seeing that Lumine did not believe him, the man said, "Come on, don't look at me like that! I just want to help a far-away traveler. That’s all."

"All right." Lumine replied. "But if you ask for mora, I don't have much..."

The masked man looked at her for a moment and then laughed so loudly that passers-by stared at them.

"Haha! Miss, you're funny! Why do you think my kindness needs to be reciprocated?"

Lumine paused for a moment. Her days of adventure from Mondstadt to Liyue, and now Inazuma, helped her come to terms with one thing: everything has a price. In other words, you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.

"Well... I'm sorry I didn't think right about you..." Lumine replied.

"Then, would you accept my help?"

Lumine nodded and said nothing more, but she thought that she would definitely repay today's favor.

They walked through the crowded streets. The masked man told Lumine about Inazuma and about the culture here. It helped widening her perspectives. If she hadn't bothered to look for Paimon, she would have enjoyed the whole atmosphere.

But there's no denying that everything at the Summer Festival was so special and distracted her over and over again. She came across a mask stall by the side of the road and turned to look at the person next to her.

"Do you want to buy a mask too, Miss?" He asked.

"Not really... I'm just thinking your mask is more beautiful and elaborate than what they sell."

The masked man adjusted his mask a little. Lumine saw him laughing.

"Of course. This is something I painted myself! If you want, I'll paint a same one for you."

Lumine waved her hand. “No, there's no need…” she said, but he pulled her into a nearby stall and asked the owner about the masks which customers could paint themselves.

Lumine watched intently as he painted the mask with red, black lines, and yellow dots. Moments later, he gave it to her.

"Here. For you."

Lumine picked up the mask, examining it with amusement.

"Thank you."

"Let me put it on for you."

Lumine looked up at him sheepishly.

"I... I can wear it myself."

Seemingly unable to hear her say anything, he took the mask and put it on one side of her hair.

"T-Thank you..." Lumine said, gazing down at her feet.

The man smiled.

"Hey, I don't even know your name." Lumine said as they continued to go.

"Call me Mr. Kitsune. The kids in Inazuma call me that." He replied and waved to a group of children in the distance.

He seemed to be very loved by children. Lumine thinks that any person who is liked by children cannot be evil by nature. Suddenly she thought of someone she knew. Could it be...? But how could a Harbinger like him be here? She looked around. There's no sight of the Fatui nearby. Was it all just her imagination?

The two walked into a smaller yet not less crowded street. Immediately, Lumine’s attention was caught by a crowd playing a very interesting game. They gathered next to a large pot of water, inside there were many goldfish. Each person held a seemingly fragile racket made out of paper, and tried to get the fish into their little bucket as much as possible during a specific amount of time.

"Do you want to try it?" Mr. Kitsune asked after seeing Lumine’s interest in the game for a long time.

Lumine nodded.

Mr. Kitsune said something to the woman who appeared to be the owner there, and she handed them two rackets and two small buckets.

In excitement, Lumine sat down and Mr. Kitsune sat next to her. Picking up turned out to be much more difficult than it seemed. The racket was flat and very easy to tear, and the dodgy fish seemed to have learned to avoid players and irritate them, skillfully.

Lumine's racket was torn shortly after she thought she had picked up the first fish. She looked to the side. Mr. Kitsune gave her a new one.

"Thank you." Lumine responded and the excitement returned. There's no way she’s going to lose to these goldfish!

After a hard fight, Lumine finally got her first fish. She eagerly turned to Mr. Kitsune to show it off, but then her face went sullen immediately when she saw his bucket full of fish. What was more obnoxious was that he reseted his head on one hand and caught the fish only with the other hand. His attitude of fish-picking was very relaxed, not as strenuous as Lumine's at all.

"How did you get so many fish?" She asked.

"Oh... I don't know. Perhaps it’s my talent?"

He had just finished speaking when another fish fell into his bucket. Lumine gave up and dropped her racket into the bucket. She sat and watched him pick up the fish. From time to time, she pointed to the fish she wanted him to catch.

“This one! It has nice color.”

"You do know that we have to return the fish after the game, right?" He laughed and moved his hand to pick up the fish Lumine wanted.

After the time was up, Mr. Kitsune got the highest prize: a stuffed fox. He gave it to Lumine.

"It does look like you." Lumine looked at the fox in her hands and commented as the two left. It has a soft orange fur, a white belly and four black legs.

"Then every time you see it, you will think of me."

He replied without a hint of shame. But Lumine was blushing like a red tomato. Seemingly aware of her intention to return the fox, he said:

"In Inazuma, it is considered disrespectful to return the given gifts.”

Lumine pinched the fox's nose with a force. She thought about turning it into a sandbag for Paimon to practice her fighting skills, but then it was also too cute for that.

After coming to the end of the street, Lumine realized they had reached the gate of Inazuma. The outside of the city was as bustling as the inside, but the air was fresh and pleasant thanks to the sea. The moon was high, and Paimon was still nowhere to be seen.

Looking around for a moment, Mr. Kitsune said:

"Maybe your friend has gone to Amakane Island. It is the best place to watch the fireworks. Besides, there is also a well-known street stall selling delicious oden.”

Perhaps Paimon would not go there to see the fireworks, but for the food, yes. Lumine agreed to join Mr. Kitsune on the walk to Amakane Island to find her friend. They walked a long way across the coast. Along the way, Lumine noticed that the people of Inazuma City were also heading to the island as they were mostly hands-to-hand couples with smiles. There were butterflies inside her stomach when she thought that walking side by side with Mr. Kitsune like this made them look like a couple.

"Tell me about your friend." Mr. Kitsune suddenly spoke up. "The one whom you thought I was."

Lumine mused. "I don't know if we're friends anymore..."

"What's wrong? Did he do something bad?"

"It could be put that way." Lumine recalled the mess that the Eleventh Harbinger of Fatui – Tartaglia had made in Liyue. Worse than that, he had taken advantage of her trust, leaving her caught up in a dispute between forces like a puppet. Even though everything had been resolved, she still could not let it go easily.

"If he's a bad guy, you should beat him to death and never speak to him again."

Those words made Lumine laugh.

"I do want to beat him up. But..." She paused for a moment and then continued. "There’s also a good side of him that changes my opinions on him. I wonder what his true face is."

They walked a little further. The sound of waves was caught in her ears. Lumine saw some crabs digging the sand and hiding from people in the distance.

"Everyone has their own masks to wear, Miss." Mr. Kitsune said. "One day, I hope he'll have the courage to take his mask off in front of you."

Lumine gazed up at the man wearing the fox mask next to her for a moment. Wasn’t he hiding his face from her too? What's that fox mask hiding that she didn’t know yet? But everyone has secrets, and Lumine is not much of a pryer.

As soon as they arrived at Amakane Island, Lumine’s nose was immediately attacked by the aroma of food emanating from street vendors. Perhaps she was really hungry after the hopeless search for Paimon, and a long walk to this place. Now Lumine just wanted to sit down and eat all the food that the people here had to offer.

Mr. Kitsune led Lumine to an oden stall. They were seated right in front of the counter and the smoke and aroma emanating from the kitchen in front of them made Lumine's stomach rumble louder than ever. There was no need to wait long, their food was served soon after. Lumine's bowl had a variety of food: fish balls, boiled eggs, fried tofu, radishes and even noodles. She happily picked up her chopsticks and grab the food, but then realized that Mr. Kitsune was still sitting and looking at his oden bowl in a rather contemplative way.

"Aren’t you going to eat?" Lumine asked.

"Ah..." Mr. Kitsune seemed confused. He picked up his bamboo chopsticks awkwardly.

That person doesn't even know how to hold a chopstick too... Lumine brushed that thought away as soon as it appeared. She should have let go of the obsession which was him for a long time. Somehow, in all the places she went and the people she met, Lumine was looking for such a familiar silhouette in the past.

"Here, let me show you." Lumine reached out her chopsticks to Mr. Kitsune and demonstrated how to hold them little by little. There were moments when their hands touched and Lumine found herself blushing more than necessary.

"You're so good!" Mr. Kitsune's remarks made Lumine's cheeks flush to the ears.

"Well... It's just a normal skill..." She replied, recalling her days at Liyue, when she had practiced holding chopsticks skillfully to pick up food before Paimon ate it all.

Lumine ate her oden and praised the chef's talent. She also kept her eyes on Mr. Kitsune. He merely lifted the mask a little to eat, and the place they sat was not bright enough for Lumine to see his face clearly.

After the oden, Lumine was once again invited by Mr. Kitsune to a tri-color dango treat. Realizing that she was being treated too much, she offered to pay for some octopus balls called takoyaki which later on she had quite a memory with it. It's a dish of spherical scones made of flour, with chopped octopus fillings and some other ingredients inside, then fried in a special pan that has a lot of semicircular concave parts. Lumine bought a square plate containing four takoyaki arranged neatly inside and she skewered one to her mouth.

“Wait!”

But It was too late for Mr. Kitsune, Lumine had put a whole round takoyaki in her mouth. She looked at him and wondered why he was leaning up as if he’s afraid her tongue was burnt. The food was cold enough to be eaten. But that's just what she thought.

When she bit into the crust and spilled the filling, Lumine knew why Mr. Kitsune had warned her. The filling was so hot that Lumine's tongue tip was on fire. She rushed a hand to her mouth, tears welling up. She tried to chew and swallow the food. Fortunately, it wasn't so hot to the point it actually burned her tongue.

Mr. Kitsune gave her a cool cup of tea. Lumine, after regaining her composure, noticed that he had been chuckled all along. She grimaced, took a sip of tea and said in a furious tone:

"You don't have to laugh at me like that."

Mr. Kitsune tried to suppress his laughter and replied, "Sorry... I've never seen anyone eating takoyaki in such a cute way."

Lumine's face was red, not knowing whether it was the food being too hot or because she was embarrassed.

Nearby, there was a place filled with tiny hexagonal wooden cards. Mr. Kitsune said Lumine could write her prayers on the card and hang it up. She took one and wrote her wish, hoping that she would soon be reunited with her twin brother. Mr. Kitsune just stood beside her, his eyes were looking away.

"You don’t have a prayer?"

"I don't need it." He replied. "My wish has already come true tonight."

Lumine wondered what his wish was, but she doubt that a mysterious man like him would let her know too much about himself.

They still could not find Paimon. Mr. Kitsune said that having gone to this place, at least they should see the fireworks. So Lumine and he climbed the moss-covered stone steps filled with weeds, through the red torii gates that had faded over the years. The whole road felt as the entrance to a wonderland with fireflies and magical forests.

There were also a few others walking up to the fireworks watching location. One of them accidentally bumped into Lumine causing her to slip. She thought she was going to fall, but Lumine was saved. She found herself in Mr. Kitsune's arm and her head on his shoulder. He stood just one step behind her. And then, Lumine caught his blue eyes.

They’re the same like someone’s…

Embarrassed, Lumine stood up. "T-Thank you..." She said, turning her face away.

Lumine was not used to walking on Inazuma wooden slippers. She blamed on them just to avoid thinking about the real cause of her confusion. Mr. Kitsune suddenly stood closer by her and said:

"Hold on to my hand, you won't fall again."

He did not look at Lumine but his hand was reaching out in front of her. Lumine hesitated but held on to it at last. They walked slowly up all the stone steps, to a cherry tree and sat down on a large rock, just in time for the very first fireworks to break out.

The night sky was lit up and there was a loud explosion. Colorful fireworks flew into the sky, then dissolved into hundreds of small rays of light. Lumine watched and admired their beauty. It was truly an ideal place to watch fireworks shoot from Inazuma City. Lumine turned to the man who brought her here.

"Though I can't find my friend, I'm happy that I’ve had a chance to enjoy the festival and watch the fireworks with you."

Mr. Kitsune seemed surprised and delighted.

"It is my honor to accompany you, Miss."

Lumine felt her cheeks burning up again. Perhaps all along the way, she had already known who the man in the kitsune mask really was.

"I hope that we'll see each other again soon."

*

* *

It was late at night. There was no more fireworks or laughter. Yet there was still a shadow of the person sitting under the cherry tree, even when the girl with him had already left for a while.

Next to him was a crimson mask, which seemed to exude a kind of dangerous and tempting power. But all his attention was on the harmless kitsune mask in his hand. All that happened tonight felt like a dream. Having known the Traveler had come to Inazuma, he still did not expect that she had found him herself, bumping into him among so many people on the street.

He had always wanted to see her again, ever since their farewell in Liyue. He constantly talked about her in letters to his family, as if they were very close friends; perhaps more than friends?

What could he expect, when fate always puts them on different sides of the battle? He fought for what he believes, and she always chose to help those who oppose him. But deep down in him was the desire to see her again, to see her smile at him once more. He wanted to touch her, but feared she would disappear like fireflies.

Therefore, having a walk with her, eating together and watching the fireworks next to her; everything happened tonight was a beautiful dream in the middle of the summer night. Delightful and sweet, yet came and fade away too quickly. After all, at least he knew she still remembered him.

If only she didn't. That way, she would not have to be upset when they meet again, maybe in another battle here in this land. She had hoped that they would see each other again soon, but he'd rather she not knew who was with her tonight.

Tartaglia put down the kitsune mask and picked up his Harbinger mask. He turned his gaze to the sky, praying silently that the stars would remember today for eternity. Then he put on the heavy mask and left.

-----------------------------

Au's note: It's been a while since my last Genshin fic. Hope you guys enjoy this one. I really love Japanese festivals in summer and this piece was inspired by those, and with the in-game activities/ atmosphere too of course!

My Genshin Masterlist: x