#aging myself but whatever
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I wish anyone on earth cared about Buffy as much as I still do lmao.
Fun fact: fandom was like the main way I made friends even as a kid. In grade 6 I found out this girl Sarah in my school was a Buffy freak too and we used to listen to soundclips on HTML sites together and hand write eachother fanfic in journals (she was Willow/Oz, I was Buffy/Spike, naturally).
#aging myself but whatever#I still ride this hard for Buffy btw#I have watched every season through at least bi-annually for the last 20 years
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Ai art?
Are you fucking joking?
Sorry, no, it is not and I find it so disrespectful you would even think to ask that. I have not and will NEVER touch anything AI related ever in my life, I think it's so utterly pointless and destructive and it frankly makes me wanna kill myself.
So no, it is not and never will be, and you can safely hold that to me for the rest of my existence. I really hope this is the last time someone asks me this.
#I really really hate to have to be that way' but my god#crazy how spending all this time teaching myself how to draw for literally decades-#and now people might just look at my stuff and shrug and go “well' that's cool' but a computer probably made that so I don't care”#not to bring it up again or whatever' but I have legitimately not been this depressed in ages since ai became mainstream#I hope it completely gets wiped off the face of the earth#I frankly do not care what it could/might be useful for#it's so exploitative and toxic and it completely ruins the fun of being a creative in every single way possible#good grief.#sorry lmao#but yeah' fuck no' and please just go through my stuff or my art tag and have a look yourself next time first before asking#that would be lovely
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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
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plans got cancelled while i was on the way to them
#i was gearing up all last night and today for this and i dragged myself out of bed for it like ugh ....whatever at least now i can rot#and my makeup took ages too
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Chapter 5 of Part Six - Grievous of the Sahuldeem series [has been] up [for a month]!
#Star Wars#Sahuldeem#Qymaen jai Sheelal#General Grievous#General Grievous backstory#Part Six - Grievous#fanfic#Sahuldeem spoilers#buddy no buddy please don't do that#(the broken chest plate looks wonky)#(heck the whole thing is wonky)#(but this took ages to make myself draw so WHATEVER WHEEEE)
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“My lords, I bring you news—news of the existence of mankind!”
gwynplaine in the house of lords! please don't tag as body horror or anything similar [id in alt text]
#l'homme qui rit#the man who laughs#victor hugo#gwynplaine#artwork#i have been putting off attempting to draw the house of lords scene for ages because rochegrosse did it so perfectly already (the drawing#from which my icon is taken) but i decided that if i went with a dramatically different composition i might be less intimidated#which worked i think! i mean the composition isn't as different as i initially intended but i didn't feel like i was attempting a very#inferior replication of the rochegrosse illustration whilst i was drawing it at least#please appreciate that i drew every line in the background by hand. sometimes i take shortcuts but for whatever reason i did not this time#i have to confess that this is also pretty much a self-portrait given how heavily i referenced my own face. i havent posted a picture of#myself in ages but this is pretty much exactly what i look like these days (although my mouth is different. gwynplaine has no lips but i do#for those of you who havent read the book he manages to briefly suppress his smile in this scene which is why he looks different (and also#why i accidentally made him look exactly like me. i mean i usually reference my own face but it's not as obvious when he is wearing his#usual expression)#dont read into any of this too much prithee. thank you kindly#anyway :D i hope you are all doing well my friends i love you all very much
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Be me, go to the book store, find manga section, choose some random title
Open on a random page
Look to your left. A random teen just materializes at your side. The manga you're holding is BL genre. The characters are fucking on the page you're holding open.
Close the manga. Move at the speed of light to the other side or the store embarrassed as shit you're checking out 18+ yaoi at the local bookstore. Wonder why there is no 18+ warning on the book
You want to casually put the manga back. The kid is still there. Check out the prize. It's not overly expensive. Just buy the yaoi. Just buy it don't look the cashier in the face just put the money on the counter.
First BL manga bought for adult money 🫣🤗
Open the manga again at home
The dicks are censored????!??!!!!
#THEY HAVE AGE GAP IN THERE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP#im living#the beginning is so random im not telling the title its too awkward#i thought whatever i never bought myself a manga so might as well commit to being a fujoshi#rambling#this was very random i thought like 2 seconds whether to buy it. i just picked it up i didn't even read the backside summary
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the dead boy detective agency main four are a polycule on various points of the aromantic/asexual spectrum (in addition to their various sexualities), with the various side characters playing the roles of parental figures or talking stages. thank you for coming to my ted talk
#it’s like scooby doo but they don’t have a dog#this is of course just my opinion#but: gay ace demiaro edwin / bi demiaro charles / pan greyaroace crystal / lesbian aroace niko are v real to me#the older characters work as parental figures ofc#then there’s characters like Monty and Thomas who are chatting up edwin but aren’t officially in the polycule#that being said: achillean greyace monty / pan aroflexible thomas are also real to me#this isn’t even getting into the gender fuckery I am putting these characters in#but I felt like sharing#esp since I keep seeing ppl fight over catwin and palaland or whatever that ship name is#I don’t think catwin works not bc of some perceived age thing but bc the cat king is v sex forward and edwin is Not Into That#doesn’t mean tck is ruled out from a place on the chart it’s just not how he wanted#same for monty who came on v romantically and edwin was not having it#all valid and fair !!!#plus the main four needed to get their shit together but this is my fantasy world so shhh#oh and for crystal x charles I think they’re the most allo of th main four so it tracks they had the closest to a traditional relationship#but then everyone gets their shit together and that doesn’t happen as frequently lol#esp as time goes on#like the polycule is more of a series of qprs with some sugar/spice on occasion#there isn’t really a point to this post but this blog is me talking to myself most of the time anyway#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#monty the crow#the cat king
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i have such dirty thoughts about big daddy s9 rick grimes oh lord have mercy!
Season 9 Fuzzy Daddy Rick will never be appreciated enough nor will his hold on me ever lessen. I am more open than Motel 6....Tom Bodett is turning the light off when he sees me.
#also i am aging myself so badly by referencing the motel 6 commercials#whatever#asks#anonymous#FUZZY DADDY
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if you can't handle me at my
then you don't deserve me at my
#👓#actually fuck it#lovebrush chronicles#lbc spoilers#i never use that tag#but i'm putting it on bc i'm main tagging it#also you don't know how relieved i am that i Did screenshot the clarence statues that don't look like clarence#PUTS UP A BIG BANNER THAT SAYS I HAVEN'T FINISHED CLARENCE'S ROUTE#what if this ages badly#oh well whatever ppl can laugh at me if it does#i will laugh at myself if it does
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tiny yoichi (unwillingly) lures out soldiers by being his helplessness little self so his brother can strike
#bases are the most reliable way to find food afo found!#yoichi is crying bcuz he pitys them <3#not because hes nervous#im gonna be honest i made this idea up on the spot when drawing this#pewdiepies new art video awakened something in me I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN STIL DRAW BANGERS TOO#i didnt disappoint myself!!!! competitiveness is my enemy and my bestie literally#anyways his right eye was an absolute horrendous nightmare to draw it was going so well until i did the hair then it ruined the eye#i actually thought yoichi was wearing shoes at this age but then i looked back at those chapters and realised yoichi was shoeless#WITH ONLY A BANDAGE ON HIS FOOT??!?!!?!? agony#can yoichi not make me wish he had something good in life for ONE SECOND#think of this as like how he responded to afo killing those people that (presumably) beat yoichi up beforehand#we dont know if hes crying because his brother is killing or if he was crying before being 'saved'#ill try do some fluff art soon ive been really interested in body horror related art lately so i wanted to play around!!!#i have a BUNCH of ideas written down ive yet to do#i just keep doing whatever i feel like#i am the master of ignoring the instructions and winging it#mha#my art#yoichi shigaraki#one for all#my hero academia#first ofa user#shigaraki yoichi#mha yoichi#tiny yoichi#tiny yoichi in his shabby little clothes#ive actually been dying to draw tiny yoichi again but KIDS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW!!!!!#i had an art moment though#HALLEJUHAH#art gods had my back fr
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heyy i would like more of how thalia's time as a tree affected her. was she asleep? was she conscious at all? did she feel trapped, or at peace? could she tell when someone was approaching? did it change her?? chat did it change her. does she miss it??? she is not the same girl she once was, that is much clear. but why, exactly. what changed. i have so many questions
#rick fr gave us the coolest backstory and left it untouched#oh yeah she's the first child of the Most Powerful God in centuries. she died protecting those she loved at the age of twelve.#she was turned into a tree by her father (who KNEW he couldn't have kids) and came back when the guy she died for poisoned it#she escaped an abusive mother and founded a family of her own but when she came back they were older and colder... oh and there's this guy#- percy. he's kinda taking her place in her sister's life. he wasn't supposed to be born either. they're so alike in so many ways#but no biggie they're like friends or whatever- also she's gonna disappear from the narrative in my next series bc why tf not#like come onn!! give me more or i'll have to make it up myself#thalia grace#percy jackson#pjo books#rr crit#<- not really but worth mentioning still#anyway justice for thalia grace i love her she deserves more
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im barely barely 20 pages in The Vampire Armand book and all Armand knows how to do is overthink, spiral and sexualize every person in his vicinity. its crazy just how adolescent he comes off in this book omg
#I had to pause when i was reading his thoughts on david talbot bc b4 WOW WHAT THE FUCK#i love him tho he kinda reminds me of myself when i was his age...#17 not 514 or whatever the fuck 💀#The Vampire Armand#armand#my talk#ALSO WHY DOES HE HAVE A CHILD LMFAOOOO
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me
#yyh spoilers in tags#like major spoilers ok#which ig i dont usually tag but whatever#the if i had to choose between the world and you it's you thing happened. and it was KUWABARA like hhhhgghh#yusuke makes him forget his honor code sometimes and i need you guys to see that with me#bc it makes me wanna fling myself into the ocean over and over again#kuwabara literally is like you need to be alive bc otherwise im nothing idek who i am. please let me punch you#and he wails this multiple times#and yusuke would burn down the world himself if he thought it'd help his friends we all know that#and doomed by the narrative? mmm with the ever escalating world ending nature of being a spirit detective thats kinda there#throw in the sudden demon-human age gap post yusuke death 2 and you've got some narrative dooming in a way#but not enough for me to well and truly call them doomed by the narrative#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#ofc i can handle you at your worst thats basically you all the time is Very kuwa to yusuke#and maybe we can figure out what the hell ur problem is over dinner sometime is Very yusuke to kuwa#actually i should draw that. or make it a textpost or something#but like turning up the protectiveness/possessiveness thats already there with them in line with the whole#'ive watched you die' trauma they Both have means that like. i think they would Need to have each other around for a period of time#in the wake of sensui's bs perhaps. and then yusuke cuts it all off and they start to get a bit healthier about it. hm#i think about them all the time it's like if typicsl shonen rival/bestie homo-ness was kind of scary and painful#like they love each other but the ways they hurt each other and hurt over each other drive me fucking insane
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I always enjoy it when people come up to me while im drawing as long as they're nice about it, and especially kids. And while the last two weeks only seemed to have obnoxious parents (at one point a kid was pointing like 'i want to be able to that!' and their parent replied 'you can't' and i was like ???? Wtf), this week there was a mom and two daughters who were really interested in art and were standing behind me while i sketched for a long while. Neither of the girls could have been much older than 10, and they were super shy, and were asking their mom questions, and i answered one of the questions. And the mom laughed and said 'see, she can hear you, don't be afraid to ask her questions!' and then i turned around and introduced myself a little and explained what i was drawing. And then they just stood and quietly watched me draw for like ten minutes, it was so sweet. 🥹
#Freebooter4ever#Also like....whenever im drawing im usually eavesdropping on various conversations around me#Adults are the funniest to listen to#Kids are mostly running around#And thinking about that lol...i realized what a weird child i was#When from the age of 6 i started going with my grandma to the kubota gardens in seattle#and we would sit and calmly draw or write for hours instead of me needing constant entertainment#I had a moment when i realized that if i had kids there would be no way to know if they would like drawing or if they would#Even be as quiet and calm as i was back then#Its not like i have not thought about having kids and how that would mean my time and choices would no longer be my own#But as i get more and more wistful over wanting kids#I catch myself thinking about stuff like this and realizing ok with a small child i probably wouldnt be able to do this anymore#And then i try to genuinely analyze whether or not i would be willing to give up whatever it is#And to my surprise the answer is usually yes#I find that im not thinking about it in terms of giving things up which is how society or advice books seem to paint it as#But rather adjusting to fit in a different kind of joy#I dunno ignore me im getting sappy over kids again
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