#akutagawa: what's a straight man

[lunasnowdrop]

Why is no one talking about this?

And then the next page

[kentopedia]

i miss when we first met

FEATURING. dazai osamu x f!reader & f!reader x chuuya nakahara — wc: 15.1k

SUMMARY: you'd always been in love with Dazai, but you started to doubt that he'd ever cared for you in return. chuuya, though, had never shown you anything but true affection.

CONTENTS: nsfw 18+ ONLY, pm!dazai, pm!reader, mostly dazai x reader but…, unhealthy relationship dynamics, voyeurism, cheating, manipulation, smut, degradation, guns, angst, dazai is very bad at expressing emotions, pet names, horrible communication, unrequited (?) love, the list goes on bc they’re in the port mafia just be warned

note: this took me like 4 months to finish & i am so so nervous to post it lmao. i wanted to write something different & this is very outside my comfort zone! :) but it's dazai's birthday so i figured i might as well share it today

You rolled onto your side away from Dazai, still breathing heavily as you came down from your high.

Beside you, he had shifted onto his forearms, moving up against the headboards to sit up straight. The covers fell off of him, revealing the marks that you’d left all over his body, the scars from a life lived in the mafia.

Under the red silk sheets, you were silent, your head settling into the pillow as you stared at him.

He’d deny it, but he was beautiful, a tempting, alluring creature that you couldn’t get enough of.

But you also knew Lucifer had once been God’s most beautiful angel, and it only made sense that Dazai Osamu would hold the same kind of exquisiteness.

Dazai closed his eyes, rolled his neck as he leaned back, stretching out all of the stiff muscles. He didn’t touch you again, kept a distance as he wiped the sweat that had dried on his forehead, the fluids that had stained the sheets between you.

He used to talk to you, after something so intimate. Used to hold you in his arms and trace your skin with a gentleness you didn’t know he possessed. He hadn’t always been cruel when he fucked you, hadn’t always put his own needs before yours.

Of course, Dazai had never loved you. That was something you were certain of in your very core. But he’d held at least some shred of respect for you before becoming the head of the Port Mafia. Now, you didn’t think he saw you as anything more than a means to an end.

It didn’t matter, though. It didn’t matter that Dazai spoke to you minimally when you two weren’t alone, that everyone in the Port Mafia knew you were nothing more than the woman who slept in his bed.

It didn’t matter because you loved him. You’d stood by his side since the beginning, since he’d recruited Chuuya, since he’d lost Oda.

Since he’d killed Mori.

You’d been with him through all of it, seen every horrid side to him, and you’d never once wanted to escape. Dazai had his claws in you, and he had them in deep. The thought of being anywhere but with him had never crossed your mind.

“Akutagawa told me what happened yesterday.”

You blinked, snapping out of your haze as Dazai regarded you with cool, condescending eyes. He was peering at you from over his shoulder, picking his dark button-up off the floor. The skin on his back was red from scratches, the lines dragging through his taut skin.

“Did he?” you said, looking down at your nails. You hadn’t expected anything less. Akutagawa did everything in his power to get exaltation from Dazai. “I’m sure his report was thorough.”

Dazai’s jaw clenched. His eyes narrowed, a darkened tint flashing in them. “That’s all you have to say?”

His voice was unamused, icy, and it reminded you that no matter how many times you crawled into his bed, let him use you however he wanted, he was still your boss. He was Dazai Osamu, the man whom everyone in Yokohama feared.

You swallowed. “I’m sorry.” Your gaze twisted away from him, unable to meet his hardened expression completely. “I was distracted. It was my fault entirely.”

Dazai made a noise in the back of his throat as he moved out of the bed. He sauntered across the room, so quietly and cat-like, and you buried yourself deeper into the mattress, wanting to sink into it completely.

“You’re lucky, then, that Akutagawa was able to deflect the bullets.” He began replacing the bandages that had slipped off of his face, covering his cheek with disgust.

He let you see him completely when it was just the two of you. It took every ounce of your self-control not to read into that, to wonder if it was just a habit leftover from when you were younger.

“I am lucky.”

Truthfully, you’d only hesitated for half of a second, momentarily lost in your own loop of suffering, and your opponent had gotten an edge on you. They’d shot at you, then the bomb, nearly prematurely blowing up the building.

“After decades of work, I would’ve thought you’d know better by now.” Dazai sighed wearily, like your presence irritated him. It probably did. “I’ll consider moving you. I’m sure there’s a place for you where you can’t get yourself killed if you fuck up.”

“Dazai—” you swallowed, a horrid tasting stinging your mouth as you remembered your time with him had come to an end. He was back to being Mori’s underling, the man who looked at the city like it was nothing but a chessboard. “Boss,” you remedied quickly, all too used to addressing him differently. It was difficult, sometimes, to recognize where Dazai began, and the Port Mafia’s boss ended. “It was a stupid error. In all the time you’ve known me, have I ever done something like that before?”

Dazai hesitated momentarily, before tensing his shoulders. He didn’t answer your question. “Don’t let it happen again.” A warning was in his eyes when they met yours through the mirror. “I don’t have the patience to find a replacement for you, and Akutagawa’s too valuable an asset to lose to a seasoned professional’s careless mistake.”

You exhaled, looking back down at your hands. The ones that had already been stained in so much blood, wrought with crime and bad intent. “Understood.”

You finally climbed out of the bed, missing the warmth that it gave you, even though Dazai’s cold body always sucked it away. He laid so stiffly next to you most of the time. You remembered when he used to sleep with his forehead pressed to the back of your neck.

As you dressed, Dazai kept his eyes on his work, never paying you any attention. You felt discarded, useless, and you wanted to hate him, wanted to hate yourself for longing to wrap your arms around him, hug him from behind.

“I’ll send you with Chuuya tomorrow,” he said, scanning reports and assignments that he’d thrown aside lazily last night. “An easy assignment outside of Yokohama. Think you can manage that?”

“Just give me the job.” You snatched the paper out of Dazai’s hand, and he didn’t say a word, only watched as you perused it. It was, really, the simplest task he’d given you in the past few weeks. You’d felt like he’d been overworking you just to avoid you. “Fine. I’ll take it.”

Dazai’s smile widened, sinister, and wicked. He brushed his hand delicately over your shoulder, against your neck before patting you on the head. “I trust you won’t let me down.”

Going against every sensible atom in your being, you smiled wearily. His minimal display of affection warmed you, a deep pang settling in your soul. “Have I ever?”

“No.” He held a sort of awed fascination, twisting a part of your hair between his fingers. “How lucky someone must be to be my greatest enemy. To get the kiss of death from an angel is not such a bad way to die.”

He held your cheek in his delicate fingers, and you were putty in his hands, wishing that his eyes would soften, even by a fraction. That his hand would cup around his cheek like he meant it.

Instead, he pulled away, and you felt cold, cold, cold, drowning in your own emptiness.

You scoffed, trying to regain some power in the situation. “I’m no angel.”

“Hm,” Dazai hummed, dropping his head in his hands, resuming a spot behind the desk, the deep red chair much too similar to the one in his office, the one that Mori had inherited from the previous boss. “Perhaps not to others.”

And you grew hot, feeling that, maybe, Dazai was giving you a compliment.

It was at times like these that you saw the semblance of your previous relationship. When you could tease him without feeling the weight of his superior rank looming over you. When you could kiss him without tasting venom. When you didn’t have to wonder if it would be appropriate to touch him, or if you should keep your distance.

You wanted to quit him. Really, you did.

He was a horrible, loathsome person.

You’d never be able to stop loving him.

“I could never be any sort of heavenly creature, Dazai. My spot in hell was sealed the moment I sided with the Devil.”

Dazai laughed, the sound raw and dry, so humorless. “I hope you don’t mean me. Flattery will get you nowhere,” he tsked, the tip of his tongue scratching against the back of his white teeth.  

You certainly hadn’t meant that as a compliment.

“Should I say goodbye before I leave?” you asked wryly, doubting that he’d even want to see you again. His image burned against the back of your eyelids, and you drank him in, hoping that when you died, his face would be the last thing you saw.

Dazai didn’t grace you with a simple yes or no. Instead, he glanced up briefly, his one eye exposed, mere centimeters of skin uncovered. “Goodbye.”

You nodded; lips pressed tightly together as you accepted the dismissal. With a sigh, you were out of the room, wondering why you hadn’t just showered before you left. Most of your clothes were in Dazai’s closet anyway.

You didn’t see him again before you left.

The assignment Dazai had given you was a few cities over, a task of infiltrating an enemy organization who’d gotten a little too close to the Mafia’s boundaries. It was simple enough, especially with Chuuya at your side, though the whole ordeal had you away from home for a weekend, and far too much time with your own thoughts.

Dazai had set the two of you up in a suite, one with two separate bedrooms and a shared living space. It was much more luxurious than you even needed, with a view overlooking the entire city and an extensive bar in the kitchen. The furniture was a deep, black leather, every accent dark in color.

It was conspicuous, but you’d grown too used to extravagance after being with Dazai. You allowed yourself to indulge in it.

A silly notion, really; the place you slept every night was much more lavish.

You scrubbed the blood off your face, your hands, and stared at yourself in the mirror without recognizing the person before you. The water at the bottom of the shower was a macabre shade, staining the tiles as it swirled down the drain.

Shivering, you tried to reconcile all of the things you’d done, shelve them away before you could wonder if all of it was really worth it. If Dazai was really worth it.

When you finally emerged from the bathroom, your skin rubbed raw, Chuuya was sitting at the bar, a freshly cracked bottle of wine before him. His back was tense, muscles strained as he regarded you with weary eyes, the darker shade under them obvious and alarming.

“Took you long enough,” Chuuya snorted, pouring himself a glass. The bottle was aged and dark, the label faded. He must have brought it along with him; it certainly hadn’t come from the hotel. “I was getting bored.”

You made a face, taking the seat beside him. “Well, there was a lot of blood.” You reached over to snatch the bottle, pressing it to your lips before he could protest.

“Help yourself, then,” His expression was sour, but his acerbic tone held a hint of amusement. “Do you know how expensive that is?”

“No.” You shrugged, taking a sip. Money had stopped meaning anything to you a long time ago. “Should I care?” The liquid warmed your throat on the way down.

“Probably not. You’ve surely got enough cash behind you to buy me another one.”

“Right.” You snorted and wondered how much of that stuff you’d have to drink before you’d stop feeling a thing. Thoughts of the crumbling bond that you and Dazai shared wouldn’t leave you alone. “And you don’t?”

Chuuya laughed, twirling the glass in his gloved hand. There was a hardened edge to him that you didn’t like. Opposed to Dazai, Chuuya had always been much more open with you, more willing to share his thoughts. “Well, we can’t all be Dazai’s favorite. You’ve got the keys to the kingdom, my dear. Whatever belongs to the Mafia belongs to you too.”

“Favorite?” You spat out the word, darkening at the mention of Dazai, the man who never seemed to leave your brain. It was always Dazai, Dazai, Dazai. The youngest executive there had ever been, the one who’d become the head of the Port Mafia just a few years later.

You hated him. Wished you could burn the memory of that haunted man entirely.

“Hm?” Chuuya leaned forward like he hadn’t heard you.

A bitter flavor blossomed on your tongue when you thought of saying his name out loud. “I don’t want to talk about Dazai right now.”

You brought the bottle to your lips again; it was starting to feel lighter.

“Why?” Chuuya’s eyes dimmed as he stared at you, looking for something hidden in your irises. A secret that wouldn’t be there. You’d always been too easy to read. “Did something happen?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about Dazai, and you immediately think something’s wrong?”

He blinked. Hesitated. “Well, I spent my teenage years listening to you talk about him like a lovesick fool. The subsequent years watching him stare at you in the same way.” He took the bottle away from you, tipping his head back. “Something must be wrong.”

You felt a flush at your neck, the skin itching with sweat. It was cruel of Chuuya to allude to any emotions from Dazai, when you knew they weren’t there. “That’s not true.”

Chuuya sighed. “Isn’t it?”

Although his temper had always been much worse than yours, you felt the same sort of anger claw at your back. The urge to scream at him became almost insuppressible. “Dazai doesn’t care about me like that.” You flopped down on the bar, alcohol fuzzing the edges of your senses. It felt nice, warm.

Maybe being away from the Port Mafia was better for you than you thought.

“Don’t be stupid.” Chuuya’s eyes had narrowed when your head fell forward, his fist clenching around the bottle.

“Stupid?” You immediately sat up, blood rushing straight to your head. Who was Chuuya to come and tell you everything he thought he knew? It was laughable, really. “He doesn’t care, and I think I’d know. Fuck you, Chuuya.”

You slammed your fist down on the table, hurt. You didn’t understand why Chuuya would side with Dazai when he knew how much the situation troubled you. How often had you bared your soul to him, told him how Dazai’s aloofness had hurt you over and over again?

His eyes softened, an apology immediately leaving his lips. “I’m sorry—”

“Are you?” The words were vehement. Chuuya was shamelessly against your relationship with Dazai, always coming up with one reason or another to get you out of it. Now, it seemed, he was trying to defend it. “Dazai cares or he doesn’t. You can’t keep changing your mind based on the situation.”

“Dazai does care.” Chuuya said the words like they pained him to leave his mouth, each one dragging a dagger against his chin. “You think he’d keep you around if he didn’t?”

You did. You knew that you had use outside of Dazai’s feelings, just like Chuuya, just like Akutagawa. Just like every menial grunt who had a shred of value for the Mafia.

“He cares that I have value to him.” A sigh left your lips, and you sunk your chin onto your palm, feeling like nothing more than the dramatic woman in a Shakesperian tragedy. Really, you couldn’t remember when you’d become so pathetic. “What will become of me when I can’t sink a bullet into the skull of his enemies anymore?”

Chuuya frowned, the wrinkles deepening on his forehead. “No one can predict what Dazai will do.” He let you steal his half-full glass of wine, keeping the bottle safely tucked away from you. “Would it make much difference to you if we could?”

“I suppose not.” You’d grown tired, the subtle buzz of alcohol coming in quick on your empty stomach. “Nothing matters much anymore. I’ll never leave the Port Mafia.” Saying the words out loud made it more real than you’d intended, even though it was a fact that had sunk deep into your bones the day you’d met the dark-haired, suicidal bastard. “Why do I have to love him, Chuuya? Why can’t I love a good man?”

You thought, why can’t I love you instead, and left it unsaid. The words might have been too cruel. You knew the pain of unrequited emotions.

“Because you’re in the Port Mafia. Good men would know to stay away.” Chuuya drummed his fingers against the countertop before reaching out, contemplative. Though you remained unmoving in your seat, his hand still retracted before he touched you, as if burned. There was caution in his movements, every action calculated—Chuuya was usually the opposite, as intelligent as he was. “Besides. You’ve never tried to let Dazai go. You don’t want to.”

“I want to,” you said defensively, though even to your own ears, the statement was weak. Dazai was an addiction, and you’d go back to him time and time again. Even when, sometimes, you weren’t so sure there was anything good about him. “I just don’t know how. What would I do out there in the world without Dazai?” You laughed, amused. A normal life didn’t seem possible—you’d have no idea where to start.

Chuuya’s face pinched in disgust. “Take over the Port Mafia. Kill him and run it yourself.” He huffed, running a hand over his eyes, exhausted. “There’s a solution. If you really want to get rid of him.”

You blinked back at him. A moment passed; you’d forgotten he was looking for a response.

“I suspected as much.” His shoulders slumped, defeated, as you drew back in shame. “How long will you talk yourself into this endless cycle of torment? Dazai isn’t the same man that you fell in love with, and he never will be again.” He met your eyes, cold and guarded. “There’s nothing to be done about that. If you want Dazai so badly, put up with every single part of him. I’m tired of listening to the same grievances, time and time again.” 

Chuuya made to stand, but you stopped him, grabbing his wrist lightly. He glared at you from over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you said, trying to convey your apology sincerely. “You’re completely right. I’ve never tried to let Dazai go, and maybe I can.”

You didn’t give Chuuya time to formulate a response. Before he could understand what was happening, you leaned forward, catching him off guard, and planted your lips on his.

For one singular moment, Chuuya had kissed you back, tasting your mouth in its entirety, before he shoved you away, scrubbing his skin like he’d been burned.

“Don’t do that.” He had a hand in your face, scolding you like a child. “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

You stared at him; his dark eyes were full of an emotion you had never seen before. “Why not? You said I should try to let him go.”

“Not by kissing me, fucking hell.” Chuuya hissed, his voice just above a whisper like someone else was listening in. Something vile had been unleashed in him as he gesticulated around wildly. “You’re Dazai’s.” He scoffed. “Do you think any smart man would do anything with you, knowing you sleep in that monster’s bed every night?”

You sniffed, sticking your jaw out. Maybe, you’d been wrong all this time. Chuuya was like everyone else, wasn’t he? Holding you at a distance because you cared for the wrong person.

“I’m not leaving the Mafia. I’m not leaving Dazai.” You reached across the table, grabbing one of his cold hands. “I just want to be someone else for once. To know what it’s like for someone to care about me so completely.”

“It’s not going to be with me.” Chuuya yanked his hand away, laughing mirthlessly. “I never thought you’d try to manipulate me like this. “You’ve been spending too much time with him.”

Your eyes flashed, infuriated. Chuuya looked at you with some kind of betrayal, like he wasn’t the exact same way, like he wasn’t the same kind of vile person that you were. “I know you’re in love with me, Chuuya. I know you’ve looked at me since we were sixteen years old, wished so badly I would look at you the same way.”

His jaw clenched, the anger giving way to something else. “Don’t start.”

“You’ve wanted me all this time, haven’t you?” It was a genuine question; one you’d always been too scared to voice. Chuuya was the only person you considered to be a friend and knowing that he felt that way about you would ruin your friendship completely.

Though you had one sip too much of alcohol running through your veins, and you’d spent two days wondering how you could stop feeling a single thing for Dazai. Rationality had left you entirely.

Chuuya was silent, still watching you with hesitance.

“You’re the only person in the Mafia who really cares about me, aren’t you?” you said, softer, wondering if you could lure him in. Spring him into a trap you’d both be certain to regret in the morning. “You’re the one who talks to me about everything, who watches out for my well-being. Who’s never looked at me like I was anything but the prettiest girl in the world.”

And though Chuuya still didn’t trust your actions, his eyes had softened just a hair, his body releasing the tension. “You are.”

You smiled, but his compliment made you feel nothing but guilt. “Then why won’t you let me kiss you, Chuuya?”

“Because.” He scraped a hand over his face, breathing heavily like it was taking every ounce of his willpower to resist you “Dazai will kill me, you understand? He’ll kill you.”

“Wouldn’t you at least like to know?” You invaded his personal space. Each word you spoke cracked him a little bit more. “I know you’ve imagined me spread out before you, entirely exposed to you. How I’d look with my hips arching off the bed, crying out your name—”

“Stop it.”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You felt like you were losing your mind. Something had cracked in you, and you couldn’t come back from it. Things would never go back to the way they were after those careless words had been tossed into the world. “You’ve always wanted me, so why, when I’m giving myself to you completely, won’t you accept?”

Chuuya swallowed. His voice had grown thick with desire. He raked his eyes over you cautiously. “You’re asking a lot from me, baby.” He held your cheek, grazing the bone in the gentle way that Dazai had forgotten. “Believe me, I want to. But you’ve had a lot to drink.”

“I haven’t,” you said, grabbing his wrist before he could pull away. The touch of another person felt so nice against your icy skin. “I’m okay. I’m not drunk.” You weren’t—the alcohol had just made you brave enough to ask. “Please, Chuuya.”

He swallowed thickly. “He’ll kill me.”

“And he’ll kill me. Just as you said.” You met his eyes completely, wondering why you couldn’t care for this man in the same way, why his lips weren’t as alluring as Dazai’s, why his voice didn’t set a blaze deep in your stomach. “Do you really care whether Dazai thinks of me as his?”

His cheeks were flushed, eyebrows pinched, and you spotted the moment he began to draw back. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just can’t.”

Then, you panicked, eyes becoming glassy as he released you, turning to retreat back to his bedroom, and you scrambled for another way, a way to bring him back to you.

“Chuuya, please,” you said, desperation in every syllable, and when he turned around, you knew you had him wrapped around your finger. “I just want to know what it’s like with a person who loves me. Can’t you give me that?”

That was it. That was all you had to say. When Chuuya bowed his head, you knew he’d given in.

“Why do you think I can give you what he can’t?” Chuuya’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. “I’m not that kind of man. I’m not the kind of man you’re looking for.”

“No,” you said. “You’re not that kind of man. You’re Chuuya. The only person that’s always been there for me.”

He hesitated, momentarily, before sweeping you into his arms, his touch the softest you’d ever felt. “Are you certain that you want this?”

“Yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter if Dazai kills me.” Chuuya spoke into your mouth, carving the words into your aching heart. “You were always going to be the death of me, anyway.”

His lips were upon you again, kissing you with the hunger of a starved man, and you gave him back as much as you could, which was the despair of a lonely woman. His touch was one of loving hands as guided you back into the bedroom tenderly.

When your back hit the bed, he asked if you were okay, asked if everything was comfortable. The concern in his eyes had rarely been seen in Dazai’s own—you couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken care of you first.

“I’m fine, Chuuya,” you promised again and again, and you smiled, caressing the soft skin of his jaw.

His lips pulled back in return, and then your shirt was thrown over your head, carelessly tossed towards the corner of the room. Though, no matter how many articles of clothing you lost, the necklace that Dazai had given you still rested against your collarbone.

You cupped your palm around it, trying to avert Chuuya’s gaze as he stared down at the precious metal, something conflicting in his cool irises.

“It’s okay,” you said, doing your best to distract him. You wouldn’t take the necklace off. It didn’t matter how much Dazai had hurt you; you needed the reminder of the absolute infidelity you were committing. “Keep going.”

Feeling more anxious than you had before, you kissed Chuuya, trying to dispel the bile that gathered in the back of your throat.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chuuya said, kissing every inch of your face, his hands hovering over your chest. “I could look at you forever, and it wouldn’t be long enough.”

Chuuya’s sentiments warmed you, but words weren’t enough. You pulled his vest off, then the buttoned-shirt and every other intricate article of clothing he wore.

It felt wrong. His height was wrong. His skin felt too warm under your palm.

“When did you fall in love with me?” you asked, breathing heavily. Desire pooled in your abdomen against your will, your own heart betraying you. Still, it was nothing more than the most basic reaction of human nature, raw and primal, unaffected by the organ that was jailed within your ribcage.

Chuuya was surprised by the question, and he paused, his face just inches above your stomach. “I think I realized when I was seventeen.” He huffed out a laugh, inhaling your perfume. “It was the first time I saw Dazai kiss you. I thought I was going to be sick.” He continued kissing down your body, sliding your pants past your hips. “I’d always wanted you. I guess I just didn’t realize until then.”

You exhaled, feeling tears spring to the corners of your eyes, ones you suppressed.

Dazai had given you flowers that day. You remembered how they smelled, the rainy spring breeze. The way the sun reflected in his brown irises, melting them into candied honey that brightened his entire complexion.

“Then take me, Chuuya. If you’ve wanted me for so long, then fuck me like you mean it.”

His dark eyes flashed, but his gentle caresses never turned rough, never sped through a single moment you had together. You smiled, your expression peaceful and open when he finally slid your panties off, your cunt throbbing as his finger brushed against your swollen clit.

Chuuya took his time with you, singing praises that you hadn’t heard in a long time, and you came once around his slender fingers, the ones that were much less skilled at knowing every place you enjoyed being touched.

When he finally sunk inside you, you still felt empty, unfulfilled. You tried to lose yourself in his mouth, in the taste of wine and Chuuya, and dug your fingers into his back.

“Feel so good around me, baby.” Chuuya whispered into your skin, imprinting the words into your neck. He was careful not to leave any marks, though he wanted to, wanted to claim you as his own. “Taking me so well.”

You tugged on his hair as he kissed down your collarbone, between your breasts, his breath hot and heavy. Though you cried out, you kept your voice quiet, still fearful that someone might hear, might know exactly what kind of betrayal you’d committed.

Chuuya thrust into you slowly, so much gentler than Dazai, hitting the spot deep inside of you that had you arching off the bed. “Fuck,” he said, choking on his own breath. “You have no idea how you make me feel.” He was full of desperation, his hands digging into your hips.

“Chuuya,” you said, holding his head between your palms.

He gave you the brightest smile in return, sad and meaningful. “I know. I can feel you squeezing me tighter. Let go for me, doll.”

His hair was just as soft, but it wasn’t dark enough, wasn’t short enough. His kiss didn’t feel the same, and you felt tears blurring your vision as you realized you’d never wanted him, you only wanted Dazai, and this was all wrong.

Still, you came around him, as he was buried deep inside you, but his name never left your lips, not even as a breathy whisper, because the one that was sitting there was Osamu.

And when he pulled out of you, you stroked him with practiced laziness, moving your hands in the way you knew Dazai liked, even though Chuuya felt so much different in your palm.

Chuuya kissed you as warmth flooded into your hand, and then he was breathing heavily, collapsing onto the bed next to you. He kissed you over and over, holding you tight, and you smiled, satisfied, because at the least, you knew this was what love felt like.

You’d never get it from the man you wanted, so you’d take it from Chuuya, even if it made you feel rotten inside.

The room smelled like sex and betrayal, and Chuuya took care of you, carried you out of the bed for a bath, and gently rinsed away the sweat and grime.

You were silent for most of the time, only reassuring him when he asked if you were alright.

For the first time, maybe you were. You imagined a future where you could learn to love Chuuya, a future where you were finally able to rid yourself of Dazai and start over again.

But it was nothing more than a delusion, a dream that would never happen. Dazai was a part of your soul. You knew that and Chuuya knew that, even as he closed his eyes next to you, the woman that would never give her love to anyone else. Your heart beat and bled for Dazai Osamu, every inch of your being meant for him. It would kill you to let him go, and if he died, you’d die right alongside him.

You turned away from Chuuya, burying your face in your hands, completely unaware that he’d left the bed to sleep in the other room.

You didn’t talk to Chuuya the next morning, not when you took a private car back to Yokohama, not when you stepped foot back onto the Mafia headquarters. Things between you had soured, just as you’d suspected, and you didn’t know how to fix it, didn’t think there was any way to go back from what had happened.

Higuchi was waiting for the two of you when you walked in the door, her blazer perfectly pressed, and her shirt tucked. She greeted you with a half-smile—gesturing towards the stairs. “The boss wants to see all of us for a meeting. He said you two would be arriving at this time.”

You nodded, and Chuuya scoffed, shaking his head. “I’ll never understand his superhuman ability to know what’s happening all of the time.”

Swallowing, you followed Higuchi, trying not to hear the foreboding nature of Chuuya’s statement.

Most high-ranking Mafia members were in attendance, with Dazai at the head of the table, the dark wooden chair beside him eerily empty and welcoming. You took a seat, and Dazai’s eyes ran over you, smoothly and hastily, before a small smile appeared on his features. “No injuries?” he said, and though his tone was professional, you could hear the slightest bit of concern.

“None,” you said, and something in your voice cracked, ever so slightly.

You were such a fool. You’d never be able to hide something like this from Dazai.

He eyed you suspiciously, before sliding his glance over to Chuuya, who was as cool as usual. His face was shadowed by his hat, hiding any evidence of a sleepless night.

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, tucking his palm into his hand. “Debrief.”

Your partner gave Dazai every last detail, summarizing as best he could, and sliding in the occasional sarcastic remark as he leaned back casually in the chair. Dazai listened with boredom in his expression, drumming his fingers against the table until Chuuya’s monologue was complete.

He turned to Akutagawa, who bowed his head an immediately launched into his own assignment.

You blinked—you hadn’t realized that Akutagawa’s squad had been sent elsewhere. It made no sense for Dazai to send you with Chuuya when your own division had a separate mission.

The meeting wrapped up quickly, and the members scattered, going their own separate ways for the afternoon. Chuuya refused to meet your eye as he got up from the table, one of the last to leave the room.

As you stood, Dazai closed a hand around your wrist, his thumb brushing your pulse.

“Was the hotel alright?” he asked, his head titled curiously. “You look tired.”

You took a sharp breath.

Fuck.

“It was fine, Osamu,” you said, and when his name slipped easily from your tongue, something in him changed. He loosened the hand on your wrist before releasing it entirely, the bandaged palm falling into his lap. “Thank you.”

Dazai nodded, turning away from you, and you’d forgotten that there were still other people in the room. Akutagawa, who lingered with morbid curiosity, and his sister, who had always sort of pitied you for your tumultuous relationship, bore witness to the brief interaction.

Behind them, Chuuya stood tense, his back straight as he crossed the threshold, sparing you only a glimpse before exiting into the darkened hallway.  

“Alright,” Dazai said in a hushed voice, his face schooled back into the usual, guarded expression. “I’ll see you later.”

It wasn’t much of a response, and he didn’t elaborate, keeping his steely eyes ahead as some low-ranking members trudged in for a meeting with their boss. He’d be busy all afternoon, it seemed.

You swallowed, and left, knowing that it was fruitless to try and keep a secret from him.

Chuuya waited for you outside, his arms crossed as he regarded you with a contempt that hadn’t been there before, such a contrast to the loving man you had seen last night. “This changes everything, you know?”

“I know,” you said, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I’m sorry, Chuuya.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he scoffed. “I was the fool. I made my choice.” Chuuya sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I meant what I said, though. Yesterday. It was all true, and if you need anything, I’ll be here.”

You felt a chasm open in your chest, and you wished the floor would’ve swallowed you whole. You were losing everyone, it seemed, and maybe, Dazai really did have a point with his talk about suicide.

When you stepped into the bedroom, Dazai was sitting on the edge of the bed, the setting sun casting a shadow of his own reflection. He was twirling a pistol around his pointed finger, staring at the wall with blank eyes.

You shut the door quietly, your hands shaking against the golden knob.

Though you hadn’t made a sound when you walked through the door, Dazai’s gaze was on you immediately, sensing your entrance.

You’d never been able to slip past him.

“You’re back early.” Those were the first words that came to your mind, your voice breaking the uncomfortable silence. He was regarding you with disdain, his jaw set coolly. His hair turned bronze in the evening rays, loose strands scraping against the bandages.

“I am.” His jaw clenched, examining you with a singular, dark eye. You felt exposed under his gaze, laid bare for him to see no matter how much you shrouded yourself with. “You sound like you’re unhappy to see me.”

Dazai ran his finger along the trigger like he’d never held such a weapon before, the gun becoming an object of morbid fascination. 

You exhaled. There was so much space between you, a distance you weren’t sure you’d ever cross again. Though you thought you knew Dazai better than anyone, in that moment, he was unreadable—a chapter of pages that had been torn out.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you said, standing tall. Despite your nerves, you were fixated on Dazai, always drawn to him like a moth to a flame, desperate to uncover the very thing that could kill you. “I miss you every time we’re apart. You’re no stranger to my feelings.”

You could offer him that, at the very least. An undeniable truth before everything between you shattered.

Dazai stood, his dark coat billowing out behind him as he finally came to face you, suddenly seeming much taller than you remembered. And with one look, you knew that he knew. He’d always been too smart for his own good.

“I’m not certain of that any longer,” he laughed, though it was a bitter sound that clawed its way up his throat. “Why don’t you tell me the truth, instead.” Dazai stood before you with a smile that was so sweet it was almost sinister. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you did?”

You weren’t sure which one of you would blink first, caught in some deadly staring contest. Most people would’ve surrendered to him by now.

 “Why?” you jutted your chin out, refusing to give in to him in any way. If you were going to die, and you were, you would make sure Dazai knew everything you’d never told him. “You already know.”

“No.” He poked the gun into your cheek, right beneath the sharp bone. He’d clicked the safety off moments before. “I want to hear you say it. You betrayed me.”

When you refused to say a word, Dazai hissed and cocked the gun. He pressed it to your temple, the metal cold against your delicate skin.

“Say it.”

You sniffed. He wasn’t giving in, and instead, stood there silently, unmoving until you finally caved. There was something about the color of his eyes. No matter how much they hardened, you still remembered the young man he used to be. The one who wasn’t quite so cold, who picked you flowers, even with blood dripping down his arm.

“Fine.” You narrowed your eyes. “I fucked Chuuya.”

Dazai blinked. Then, he started laughing. Crazily, maniacally. You saw too much of your old boss in him that it made you sick.

“Shameless.” Dazai took a step back and dropped the gun to his side.

“What?” you sneered, pressing yourself up against him, refusing to be intimidated by the man that had been yours for years. “Should I be ashamed?”

Dazai’s eyes flashed, his jaw clenching. “Yes,” he said, fists curling at his sides. “After everything I’ve done for you.” Dazai grew quieter, flicking a strand of hair out of your face. “Do you feel no remorse?”

“You can’t be serious. What have you done for me, Dazai?” You grew still, grabbing his wrist before he could touch you again. “You’re not upset I was with another man; you’re just upset that it was Chuuya.”

You poked him in the chest, a hot stream of air exhaling through your nose.

“I gave you everything, didn’t I?” The two of you spoke at each other, avoiding the answers, never acknowledging what the other had to say. Around and around you went, an endless circle until one of you finally conceded. “I’ve given you the world, and you still wanted more.” Dazai finally broke free of your loose grasp, stroking your cheek. “What can Chuuya give you that I can’t? I ask for nothing but honesty.”

There was no jealousy in the tone, no sorrow; it was the most genuine question he’d asked you in months. The inquiry of a man who’d lost sight of himself in the past few years, and who’d somehow, over time, forgotten what it meant to care for another.

“You gave me nothing,” you said, but somewhere along the way, your cheeks had grown wet. You’d been struck by the sudden affection in his voice, the softness harsher than a slap to the face.

He was a horrible man, the worst kind of man. Yet, you couldn’t imagine a life without him, a world where you existed alone.

The truth rested at the edge of your tongue. It wouldn’t solve much, your affection for him never had solved much, but at least he would understand.

“This was never about wanting more. I never wanted Chuuya. You’re a fool if you think that.”

Dazai was silent. You pressed on.

“I wanted you. I’ve only ever wanted you. I’ve devoted my entire life to you. I do everything you ask.” You were breathing heavily, big gulping breaths that contained minimal oxygen. “I asked for nothing in return. Nothing but for you to care about me, and you never did.”

“Is that the case?” Dazai laughed humorlessly.

You ignored him, your confession leaving on one heavy breath, a string of words incomprehensible to your ears. “But Chuuya loves me. He always has, and he made certain I knew that.” You paused, averting your eyes. The entire city could be seen from the window over his shoulder. “He told me all of that, and you know what I thought the whole time?”

Dazai scowled.

“I wished that he was you instead. I wanted it to be you so badly, I wanted it to be you saying those things to me, kissing me like I was the most important thing in the world.” You took his wrist again, pressing the gun back to your temple. The cool metal was almost soothing against your skin. “Please, Dazai. Give me this one last thing. I’m begging you to kill me. I can’t take this any longer.”

His finger rested on the trigger.

“I want it to be you. I’ve never wanted to die at anyone’s hands but your own.” His hand felt just as it always had in your palm, his fingers much longer, but his skin so soft. It was almost comforting, how familiar he was, and you longed to be a part of him, to bury yourself deep within him and wear his skin as your own.

Dazai’s expression twitched, and you smiled at him, the taste of salty tears spilling into your mouth.

As you closed your eyes, you prepared for the noise, hoping your blood splattered on Dazai’s coat and stained it, the proof of your existence inerasable. You hoped that Dazai would grow to regret it, would realize that your love for him was close to unconditional.

But the violence never came. The cool metal fell away from your skin, and when you opened your eyes again, Dazai’s shoulders had slumped, the very image of defeat.

“Do you honestly think I can bring myself to kill you?”

“What’s the matter?” you asked, blinking your eyes open. You reached for the gun again, but he drew back, as if stung. “Afraid to lose your best assassin?”

“No.” Dazai’s eyes were hard, his frown set deep into his face. “I’m afraid to lose the woman I love. The most important person in the world to me.”

You stared. Blinked. Then, the worst kind of emotion washed over you.

You swallowed over and over, trying to get the bile out of your throat. You’d wanted to be done, wanted to escape. And yet—

“Don’t say that.” you shook your head, backing away as Dazai inched closer, too close and you felt yourself getting sucked back in, remembering that you’d loved him for years, and you’d never love anyone else. “Fuck you, Dazai. Stop toying with me, and just kill me."

“I love you. I thought you knew that my darling angel.”

You were crying harder, shaking your head. “I don’t believe you. You don’t care about me.”

“No?” Dazai had grabbed your wrist again, but it was so soft. “I thought you were smarter than that. Did you think you were partnered with Akutagawa at random, and not for the sole reason that I knew he’d do everything in his power to protect you? Did you think I moved your seat next to me at meetings because you were nothing more than my stupid whore? Bought you everything you ever wanted because I couldn’t stand you?”

“Yes,” you said, sniffing, feeling yourself melt where he touched you, itching to reach up and pull the bandages off his face, see the beautiful features beneath them that he hid from the world. “You don’t care about me."

“I do care,” he said, fingers grazing your chin. “I’ve killed for you. I took over the Port Mafia so I could give you everything you wanted. Why wasn’t that enough?”

“Because I never wanted that. I never wanted any of this. I wanted you, Dazai Osamu. That was all.”

Dazai frowned, and then he bowed his head, kissed your neck, then around your earlobe, and it was the softest you’d ever felt in your entire life, a gentleness you hadn’t known he was capable of. When his hands snaked around your stomach, pulling you back against him, you were lost in his adoration.

“You never said anything,” he said, kissing your shoulder, breaking the tension in the muscles. You were his, in every lifetime, you’d be his. “I thought you were… happy?”

“How could you think that? I’m not happy, Dazai. I’ve never been less happy.”

“Not even when I tell you that I love you?” he kissed your knuckles.

“Do you love me enough to be a better man? Do you love me enough to let me sleep in your bed and see your whole heart instead of the fragmented pieces that you sliced up just to hide?”

“Yes.” The word was resounding, resolute. “I love you enough to forgive you.”

You held him at a distance, lips falling apart easily. “But I don’t want to forgive you.”

“You will.” Dazai smiled, that irritatingly knowing smile of his that you’d fallen for in the first place. “You will because I mean it this time.”

“You never apologized,” you looked away, trying to find the strength to move. You were enraptured, in every fiber of his being. “You never will. You never do.”

“I never knew anything was wrong,” he frowned, and it wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t a lie, and you had him so close that you just wanted to forget anything had ever changed. “How was I to fix it if you never told me?”

His words were full of poison, but his voice was so soft you couldn’t help but fall back into him. Perhaps, you should’ve said something. Maybe your actions had never been enough.

“How long have I been at your side, spent hours listening to your every word, even when they didn’t make sense to me? You should’ve known, Dazai. I shouldn’t have to tell you something like that.” Your words were losing their bite, and his lips quirked up, knowing that you were slowly coming back to him, clearing you of the sins you had committed.

He was hesitant, thoughtful, before pressing a kiss to your forehead. And perhaps, that was the final straw in your resistance, his gentle kiss enough to set your soul on fire.

“I’m sorry, my love,” Dazai said, his lips ghosting over yours, handing over the apology like a gift. “Won’t you give me a chance to fix it now?” It felt like a bad idea. Dazai wasn’t deserving of any more chances; you’d already given him years of second chances, had always given him the benefit of the doubt.

“You expect me to believe you’ll let us off scot-free?” you said, your face deadly close to Dazai’s. “What about Chuuya? Will you kill him in my place.”

“You’ve got me in your hand, love. If you want me to punish Chuuya, just say the word. I’ll kill him if that’s what you want.”

It wasn’t. That was the farthest thing from what you wanted, but you worried that if you sounded too enthusiastic, he might just follow through with it.

Instead, you pulled him to you, grabbing the dark tie that he wore around his neck. He grinned into your lips, his saccharine smile seeming much too deadly to be all that sweet. “Do you honestly think I believe a word that you’re saying?”

“You want to,” Dazai said, curling his hand around your jaw, his fingers brushing your ear. “That’s what matters the most.” He kissed your lips, and you could taste the difference, all the love he poured into it this time. It wasn’t like kissing a statue. “It’s all true, anyway.”

You broke away, breathing. “I won’t do this anymore, Dazai.” You finally had his hand in your own, placing the gun back to your temple. “You’re not the man you once were, and you’ll never be him again.” The smile that graced your lips was sad, though it was knowing. Things were always going to end this way.

Dazai’s face wrinkled as he tried to decipher all the words you’d never spoken. “I’m not the same man, that’s true, but my affection for you has never died.” He cupped his other hand around your cheek, hesitantly keeping the gun to your temple, squinting with his head bent.

“You’re the leader of the Port Mafia, and such a ruthless man wouldn’t let a betrayal go unscathed.”

There was a wave of silence while the two of you stared at one another, sifting through the situation with hardness in your jaws, the tension palpable within the air. Dazai straightened, clarity in his irises as a smooth smile burned onto his lips.

“Is that what you want?” he said innocently. “You want to be punished for your insurrections?”

Your mouth grew dry, but you held your ground firmly, swallowing back all the uncertainty. Perhaps you didn’t want to die. Perhaps you did. You just hated the gaping hole inside of you that never seemed to leave. “I want you to kill me.”

“Kill you?” Dazai laughed, then the hilt of the gun was against your temple once more. He held your chin steady between his forefinger and thumb, regarding you with thinly veiled disgust. “You’ve never wanted that before. Not when I asked you to die alongside me, to follow me far into the afterlife.” He sighed, releasing your chin before cocking the gun. “This isn’t about death at all.”

“What—”

“You want me to claim you, is that it?” He clicked his tongue before leaning forward, sneering. “Perhaps it’s that other way around. You want everyone in the Mafia to know I belong to you, hm?’

You blinked, though you began to feel weak in the knees, the eyes that you knew so well suddenly intimidating. “I never said—” but even then, your voice wavered, unsteady and uncertain of the immediate heat that had swirled under your skin.

Dazai’s mouth curled, a gruesome smile there. “I know you better than anyone. I’ve always known exactly what you want. Even though I shouldn’t forgive you, I can’t help myself.”

You swallowed, and Dazai had taken a step forward, pushing you with him, the gun still swaying at your temple, even when the backs of your thighs hit the bed. You fell onto the mattress, and he was on top of you, his finger caressing the trigger as he collapsed.

Dazai had never scared you, not even when he was a child you’d barely known, the teenager shaped in Mori’s image. Though, now, the unreadable expression on his face was alarming you, and you wondered if all this time, you should’ve been fearful.

Still, even with your underlying hesitance, you felt a wave of desire crash over you at the sheer need in his eyes. It wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with, but there was something else there. Maybe it was the love you’d just never noticed.

“Osamu,” you said in a quiet voice, not afraid, but not confident either. Your finger brushed the point on his wrist—it was the same heartbeat you’d always recognized.

“What?” he said, taunting you menacingly as he towered above you. “You were so bold just a second ago? What happened, darling?”

Unable to do anything but blink back at him, Dazai brought his thumb to your lips, brushing it across the plump skin before dipping it into your mouth.

Unprepared, you nearly choked, eyes blown wide as you stared back at him. Though, there was a command within his eyes, and you obliged, sucking as you watched the saliva drip down to his palm. Dazai pulled it away from your mouth with an obscene pop, giving you a sweet smile from his position above you.

Despite your humiliation, you shifted your hips on the bed, bringing your thighs together to provide you with a fraction of relief. Dazai’s eyes flashed at the movement, his smirk widening with an amusement.

“You’re nothing more than a dumb slut, aren’t you?” Dazai’s hand ghosted of your stomach, settling on the inside of your thigh momentarily. You ached with need, swallowing your pride and any demands that you could make of him. “Had Chuuya all to yourself this weekend, and still expect me to fuck you senseless.”

Your brow furrowed, and you opened your mouth before shutting it, lips still covered in your own spit. “Osamu,” you began, attempting to diffuse the situation, to explain that what had transpired between you and Chuuya meant nothing, but he never gave you the opportunity. “It wasn’t—”

Dazai’s gaze hardened, the adoration disappearing the moment you dared to speak. His fingers deftly wrapped around your throat, thrusting you into the mattress with enough force to quiet you entirely. “Shut up. If I want to hear you speak, I’ll ask. Understand?”

You could do nothing but nod, hating yourself for the ache that had grown more and more intense in your core, desperate for some sort of contact. Dazai, distracted with his own task of tearing your top off, had failed to notice the breathing that had grown heavier, the flush of heat that spread on every inch of your body.

His slender fingers finally removed the confining pants, a task he did skillfully with one hand still wrapped around your throat. Then, his fingers were against your aching cunt, and you twitched, letting out a heavy sound from the singular movement. You could feel yourself pulsing against nothing, desperate for his fingers between your legs.

“Pathetic,” he said, his fingers lazily dipping through your folds over your underwear. “I’ve barely touched you. How can you be this fucking wet?”

“Please,” you said quietly, your own hand aching to take over, if only to provide yourself that relief that he refused to give you. Every time you shifted into his hand, he brought it away, taunting you with the release you so craved.

“Please?” Dazai was mocking, cruel, every bit of the person people expected him to be. The one he never had been with you, not until recently. “You’re nothing more than a greedy little whore. Must have been why you fucked Chuuya without a second thought, huh?”

You were silent, staring him down with a clenched jaw. Your brain was twisting, betraying you, turning into empty cells within your skull, and you weren’t sure how to handle the accumulation of emotions that you felt for the man before you, the one who’s love had always been purposeful and merciless.

“Well?” he said, tightening a hand to close off the air to your lungs, trapping you with his strength. “Answer me.”

“No,” you gasped, and when your words sounded choked, when you clawed at his wrist, he loosened his grip just a hair, the only indication that the man you loved was in there at all. Still, your hips acted of their own accord, shifting further into his hand. “I’m sorry, Osamu, I am.” You felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes as he finally slipped his fingers under your panties, rubbing your aching clit. “I wanted you; I needed you and you were never there, but Chuuya was, and—”

You were a stammering mess of desperation and regret, feeling unglued under Dazai’s hands, like the words you’d been meaning to say could finally come out. He was the only one who’d ever listened to you completely, who you’d felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. Yet, it had been so long since you’d let yourself be open with him, and now that the opportunity arose, you were too weak to deny it.

“I was always here,” Dazai said harshly, and you were almost certain that his anger was genuine, the tone breaking in his voice a result of true sadness. “You never came to me, and I thought that’s how you wanted it to be.” His fingers sunk into you, and you threw your head back into the pillow, moaning sinfully with the lewd sound of him sinking in and out of you, the wetness collecting with every movement.

“You never showed me you cared,” you cried out, certain that there were tears streaming down your cheeks, and you should’ve been humiliated. It was humiliating—the way you were clothed in nothing, crying as Dazai laughed at you, taking full control over your body. How he could’ve done anything to you in that moment, and you would’ve let him, because that was just how much you wanted him.

“And Chuuya was the solution?” He grabbed your cheeks with the hand that had once been around your throat, pinching them to make you look at him. “You going to pass yourself around the rest of the Mafia, sweetheart? Who’ll get a taste of you next? I’m not so certain even Akutagawa would pass up the opportunity.”

His words were senseless, meant to hurt you, and you still couldn’t stand the anguish that was in his eyes.

“No,” you said, and you leaned up, wanting so badly for his lips to be on yours, to feel some semblance of the connection that you’d always had with him. “I wouldn’t, Dazai, I’m yours.” You choked on the sounds of your own moans, your thighs shaking with every change in pressure. “I’m yours. Please, I need you.”

You were certain there were marks on your neck from his fingertips, and Dazai ghosted his mouth along the delicate skin there, biting at the soreness from before. You jerked, digging your nails into his back as you drew closer and closer to your climax.

“Don’t make demands.” Dazai leaned back, and you missed the closeness, the sharp scent of him lingering in your space. “Chuuya hasn’t been a part of this conversation yet. Should we get him up here? I hadn’t considered what to do with him, but this might suffice.”

Dazed and drunk on the feeling of his hands all over you, it took you a moment to process what he was saying. His hand was already swiping through his phone, picking the number of the man that you least wanted to see.

“No, Osamu, don’t—” you cried out, and yet, you made no move to stop him. Instead, you remained pliant on the bed as he sunk another finger into you, his thumb moving in agonizing circles against your clit.  He tucked the cellphone under his chin, smiling at you maliciously, controlling you with every blink of his lashes.

You had always had trouble resisting him. Now was no different.

Chuuya answered as you released another moan, and Dazai was grinning wickedly, as if some larger scheme had finally come together, the culmination of everything he was plotting. “Boss?”

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, and you flinched, locking gazes with his deep brown irises, the color so alluring and beautiful, a shade that had darkened with each misfortune you’d endured together. You hated him, you did, but there was a fine line between the two, and your love for him would die with you, would transcend whatever simple rules the afterlife placed on Earth. “How quickly can you make it up here?”

You could hear the hesitation on the other side; Chuuya didn’t say anything for a moment.

“A couple minutes, I think. I haven’t left the building.”

“I’ll give you a couple minutes then.” Dazai’s words were clipped as he hung up the phone, throwing it to the arm chair a few feet away from the bed.

His attention was back on you completely as you let out a shaky breath, trying to regain some semblance of composure before Chuuya came into the room. Though it was so hard when the pools in his irises were pulling you deeper, locking you into a heaven that you’d never been able to reach.

Dazai pulled away briefly, his soaking fingers leaving your body to alleviate his cock from the confines of his dark pants, hovering before you.

You swallowed, not able to remember the last time your desire for him ached this badly. Your eyes trained on the very part of him that you wanted inside of you, the tip flushed so beautifully. There was nothing on your mind but him, how you wanted every part of him, even if it meant enduring misery after misery, and Chuuya was right—if you were to love Dazai, you needed to love every part of him, even when it seemed impossible.

A whine escaped you and you were reaching out to him, knowing he’d never let you live down your humiliation, but the future was not a part of your logical thinking, not now. “Want you inside me.”

“Surely you can hold off for a few minutes,” Dazai said, though the way his toned chest pressed to your own, and how he kissed your face with a tenderness you’d forgotten made it nearly impossible for you to refrain. “So desperate for my cock.”

You wanted to touch yourself—you would’ve, had you not been so nervous of the fact that Chuuya could come in at any minute.

“Tell him to leave,” you said, dragging your fingers through his hair, finally kissing him like you’d been wanting to, and the sound was sinful, heavy with lust as you forced a taste into his mouth, wishing every part of him was a part of you too. “I don’t want him or anyone else, just you, I promise—” 

Dazai cut you off and ignored your pleas; he smiled against your lips, though it was anything but kind. “I think he’ll enjoy seeing you like this, won’t he? You’ve got such a filthy mouth on you when you’re fucked properly.” He kissed his way down your chest, resting his face just above your breasts. “I bet Chuuya didn’t see this side of you, did he?” Dazai licked a circle around your nipple, tugging it between his teeth. “I’ve done nothing but call you names and you’re dripping all over the sheets.”

You shook your head, feeling pained by how badly you wanted release.

“Of course not.” Dazai sat back up like he could sense Chuuya approaching from the other side of the door, his presence bold and detectible. “He’s forgotten what’s mine, after all.” He smiled at you once more, kissing you with a kind of love that only he could portray, the kind that was nowhere close to innocent. “Don’t cum until I tell you to. Be good for me, okay?”

Dazai had always known what to say to you, even when your relationship was falling apart, even when you hated him more than you loved him. His words could be so tender, the praise melted in with the unkind quips of his tongue. It was the gentlest tone he’d used since your clothes had come off, and you couldn’t help but melt under him, nodding like you’d give him anything he asked of you.

Of course you would.

Dazai traced your features delicately, grinning maniacally, ears attuned to the quiet that broke from the footsteps approaching. His cock was lined up against your dripping hole, and it took every ounce of restraint not to plant yourself on it, trying so hard to please him, the sinful man who held too much power over you.

“You’re so pretty like this, aren’t you? My beautiful little whore, always willing to take whatever I give you.”

“’Samu,” you babbled, blinking away the tears as you latched onto him, wishing you could spare yourself the humiliation, but too drunk on him to care. He shifted you forward, taking your thighs in his hands and placing them around his waist. “I can’t take it all at once—”

“You’ve done it before. Do it again.” He growled, squeezing your throat once more in one smooth motion, thrusting into you. And though you had doubted how prepared you were, he slid into you easily, already so loose and pliant from his fingers. “See? Never forgot the shape of me, sweetheart. Even after you’ve been with another man.”

You let out a choked moan as Chuuya walked into the room, lost in the ache and the burn and the pleasure that came with loving and fucking Dazai.

There was one singular pass of silence before Chuuya spoke, letting the door shut with a quiet click on the hinge. “Boss—” Chuuya was hesitant, though his eyes were immediately drawn to you, raking over your blissed-out form. “You said to—” His hand was still on the knob, though he was distracted, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, ashamed but so full of want that it ached.

“Come in, Chuuya,” Dazai said sharply, his words solid and commanding, and you couldn’t help it when you clenched around him, drawing him further into you with nails scraping down his back. “We should discuss something.”

“Well, can we talk about it when you’re not in the middle of fucking your girl?” Chuuya asked, swallowing down the desire he hid so poorly. His cheeks had flushed, words just on the edge of stumbling and slurring together. “Another time, maybe.”

“This is the perfect time, actually,” Dazai stopped moving, already breathing heavily above you as you stared, whined, needing so badly for him to stop teasing you. “Besides,” his eyes drifted knowingly to Chuuya’s obvious erection as he laughed darkly. “I don’t think you mind so much.”

Dazai pulled back painfully slowly before sinking into you with a quicker thrust, your back arching off the mattress to catch even more of him inside of you. A barely noticeable sweat had broken against his hairline, and you stared at him, mouth slightly agape in awe at the boss of the Port Mafia, the one you somehow had wrapped around your little finger.

Your breathing had grown unsteady as his cock got deeper and deeper inside of you, hitting where you’d never been quite able to get with your fingers, the thickness of him catching on every sensitive part inside of you. His hand was back between your legs, rubbing circles on your clit, and you weren’t sure you could last much longer, not as he carried on a conversation with Chuuya, who watched you with darkened eyes, barely holding himself back.

“Please, Osamu,” you were practically begging now, your cheeks glistening with wetness as you clawed at the muscles between his shoulder blades, surely leaving bruises all down his spine. “Please, please, let me cum.”

Dazai made a tsk noise in the back of his throat. “Not yet. I don’t think you deserve it quite yet, does she, Chuuya?”

Chuuya sniffed, shifting uncomfortably as his pants grew tighter. “Gonna punish her all day, boss? Such a pretty thing should get what she wants, shouldn’t she?”

Dazai dropped his chest closer to you, going deeper into you, and you cried out his name, though your eyes were still locked with Chuuya, as if he were going to be your savior. You remembered how gently he’d touched you, how careful he was, and you wondered why you’d ever wanted that at all.

“Chuuya thinks he can fuck you better than me, darling, but you know that’s not true, don’t you? He’d spoil you too much, but this is what you want, right? You want to be called a stupid fucking cockslut.” Dazai grinned against your lips, whispering in a breath that only you could hear. “Just so that at the end of it all, you’ll be my good girl.”

You whimpered, soaking him as you clenched harder. Your brain had gone numb from the feeling of him. Dazai was smiling viciously, but you could see the underlying tenderness.

“She looks so pretty right now, doesn’t she Chuuya? Not a single thought in that beautiful little head of hers.” He smiled at him knowingly, dark hair flopping into his eyes as the rest of the loose tendrils stuck to his forehead. “You’re lucky. You’ve gotten two chances to see her now. Twice as many as most men who fantasize about fucking a woman that sleeps in another man’s bed.”

Chuuya’s voice was raw, his words cracked. “You’re sick, Dazai,” he said, clenching his hands into fists. “Putting on a show like this just to punish me.”

“You and I both know you’re enjoying this.” Dazai traced your cheeks sweetly, kissing your lips deeply. You let out a strangled breath into his mouth, something on the precipice of a moan. “Can you do one thing for me, pretty girl? One more, then I’ll let you cum, how’s that?”

You nodded, desperately, as Dazai’s fingers finally dipped back down, rubbing agonizingly light circles.

“Tell Chuuya who’s making you feel this way,” Dazai said, pushing your face away from him to stare straight into Chuuya’s dark eyes. “Tell him who you love the most.”

“You,” you gasped out, clenching tighter around him. What an easy request to make—you’d never loved anyone else. “I’m in love with you.”

Dazai sniffed, though he was patient, slowing his thrusts almost to a stop. “Not good enough. I need you to be more specific.”

You cried out, locking your ankles onto his hips, trying to force him back into you. But Dazai didn’t budge, watching you until you provided the answer that he so desired. “I love you, Dazai.”

He frowned, shaking his head once more. “My name. Say it. It sounds so sweet from your lips.”

“Osamu,” you choked out. “I love you, Osamu. I love you. I love you.”

Dazai finally smiled above you, gently tracing your cheeks with his thumb as he slowed down the pace of his hips. “I love you too, darling.” His words were soft, whispered into your lips before he turned away, meeting eyes with Chuuya across the room. “See?”

Chuuya was glowering, stiff as a board, his face pink, and his legs shaky. “I got it, Boss.” He choked out, though his eyes were on you, unable to leave your body, even as he tried so hard to be polite. His aching cock strained against his pants, and he breathed sharply, swallowing over and over. “Do I need to be here any longer?”

Dazai laughed, and you thought he looked so pretty when he did that, his smile flashing wide and alluring, the corners of his eyes crinkling marginally. “Never said you had to stay. I figured you’d want to watch her come undone one last time.”

Chuuya, for as noble as he wanted himself to be, made no move to leave, glued to the spot on the floor beyond your bed. He was just across the room, but you couldn’t focus on anyone but Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, the man who you’d killed and bled and committed horrible acts for.

You said his name again, scrambling to bring his attention back to you, hands on his face with a desperation you didn’t realize you’d possessed.

And Dazai, with the kindness of a man he wasn’t, placed his hands just above your stomach, leaving kisses across your chin as he thrust into you, sweetly, menacingly, one last time. “You did so good, my love. You can cum now. Make a mess all over my cock, beautiful.”

You jerked, squeezing around him as you felt the pressure in you finally release, the colors shifting and changing between your high as Dazai brought you in and out of an orgasm, his words reaching your muddled brain with soothing noises. Your body twitched as your muscles spasmed, sweat gathering in the space under your knees. There was little in your mind, save for the dark-haired man that had quickly become your whole world.

You smiled lazily, lacing your fingers with Dazai as you slowly began to come back to yourself. The world around you was empty. Chuuya had all but disappeared into a block of nothingness as you stared into the world itself. If there was no Dazai, there was no you, and it was as simple as that. He was everything you’d ever wanted—you’d be a fool to ever left him go.

As you regained your breathing, still sensitive all over, Dazai came inside you, spilling hot release into you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to care, too busy being satisfied with the feeling of him all over you.  His hands never left you—he was delicate, caring, pressing loving touches into your skin as you recovered from your high.

“I’m yours, Osamu,” you said, closing your eyes as you basked against the bed, wanting nothing more than to curl up against him, bury yourself in the warmth of another body. 

He smiled against your cheeks, lips flushed and bruised. “I know you are,” he said to you only, before pulling away. You shivered, but opened your eyes, and he’d already held the gun out to you, presenting it as an offering. “That’s why you’ll be the one to kill him.”

It took you all of ten seconds to remember who him was, and that the man who had borne witness to your most intimate moments with Dazai had not disappeared and was still gawking at you from the corner of the room.

“What?” you asked stupidly, your jaw falling open.

“You heard me.” Dazai pressed the pistol into your palm, curling your fingers around the handle. It was like ice against your hot body, and though it’d been years since your first time firing such a weapon, you suddenly felt like you were there again, uncertain, and afraid of the dangerous firearm. “Kill him.”

You stared at Chuuya, the honest man who, even despite his rough exterior, had been there for you since you were kids. You remembered how the three of you had been so close, for such a long time, until Dazai had gone and killed Mori and fucked it all up.

It felt wrong. The entire situation was wrong, and it never should’ve come to this.

“It’s Chuuya,” you said with tired eyes, something in your voice pleading and desperate.  

Dazai shrugged, holding you close against him as you struggled to sit up in the bed. Your muscles ached and you were still so sensitive, but reality was coming back to you. This was all a mess, and you wanted so badly to feel shame at everything you had done, but you were trying so hard just to–

“You’d think I’d let him live after what he did?”

“Osamu.” You weren’t sure you could bear it. You’d always sworn to kill whatever adversary Dazai and the Port Mafia faced, but Chuuya would always be an exception. You wanted him in your life as much as you wanted Dazai, someone you could trust without fail, who would listen to you complain even when it hurt him. “I won’t do it. He’s my friend. I thought he was yours too.”

Dark eyes full of disdain met your own, and he pinched your jaw once more, a mixture of devastating anger. “I can’t allow a traitor to live. I’ll kill him if you won’t. Then, I’ll kill you. Then myself.”

You shoved him away, suddenly wishing you weren’t so exposed, on display in the middle of the room. “Then fucking do it already, Dazai. What are you waiting for?” A tear broke free from your eye, and you wiped it furiously, not giving him a chance to mock you.

“Stop.” Chuuya finally spoke, his voice drawing your attention like a commandment, and you fell silent, refocusing on him as he bowed before you, dropping to his knees. Eyes locked onto your own without a single fear, cruel acceptance surrounding dark pupils. “It’s alright. I deserve to die. I’ve broken your trust, boss. I might as well be a traitor to the Mafia.” He swallowed, though he was unwavering. “I don’t want to live with this feeling any longer.”

“Don’t say that.” you spat, hating that such a strong man was giving himself over, exposing every weary weakness that he’d come to carry. “You don’t mean it.”

“I do.” He sighed, straightening his spine as he leaned forward towards your hand, much as you had done before, and you realized that this was such a sick, twisted change of fate. That the affection you’d always doubted was real after all, but Chuuya was still left playing the fool.

Perhaps, you were of the same vein, wanting desperately to die in the heavenly hand of the one you loved most. You could understand him for that. You could grant him one final wish.

“Do you regret any of it?” Dazai asked, as the wheels in your head spun, the decision dawning upon you, handed over from the ancient tragedies, rival even to the gloomy romances of Shakespeare.

Chuuya shifted towards the other man, looking into his cold, distant eyes. “No,” he said honestly, his jaw set. “I don’t regret it because now I know she’ll never love me. She’s all yours Dazai. Always has been. Always will be. Does that satisfy you?”

There wasn’t an ounce of fury in his expression when Dazai smiled back.

“You heard him,” Dazai said, lifting your limp arm by the elbow, pointing it like a skilled tutor. The gun was on Chuuya’s forehead, between his eyebrows, and your finger was on the trigger. Dazai’s whisper was like the Devil on your shoulder, and you were falling fast, your last shred of morality burnt from papery resolve. His hand supported your weakened muscles, guiding you along like you’d never before committed such an act. “You’re an assassin, aren’t you?”

You stiffened, narrowing your eyes before cocking the gun, mustering up the last bit of strength you had left. Chuuya couldn’t have looked more prepared for death, and you basked in Dazai’s prideful smile as he branded it into the crook of your neck.

“You’re certain?” you said to Chuuya, once more, hand no longer shaking despite your guilt.

The man, nothing more than a victim, nodded, and he had the audacity to smile, to look peaceful about his release from this life.

“I’m sorry, Chuuya. You shouldn’t have to bear the weight of my sin.” “It’s mine to carry, just as it is yours,” he scoffed, eyes hard with resolve. “Of all the things that would land me in Hell, I hardly believe this is the worst.”

You nodded, regrettably, and took a steely breath, erasing the heat the stung behind your eyes.

Then, you pulled the trigger. You waited for Chuuya’s brains to stain your floors, for the remnants of his skull to shatter all across the wall behind him. For the life to slowly drain from his stunningly bright eyes, leaving you with nothing but a corpse that would rot away wherever Dazai chose to toss his body.

Though, none of those things happened, and you stared at each other with fierce incredulity, knowing that you’d unwillingly become puppets in Dazai’s dramatic play, a show put on for no one’s entertainment but his own.

You’d been completely senseless, an idiot, really. The gun had felt lighter than usual, and you’d ignored it, even when you should’ve known it housed no bullets.

“Dazai?” you said in a low voice, dangerously, twisting to look at him from over your shoulder. An anger you’d never felt before had bubbled up inside of you, your heart thundering with a fierceness you hadn’t realized was a part of you. “There’s no bullets.”

“Obviously,” he scoffed, taking the gun away like it was but a toy, throwing it onto the armchair in the corner. “I’d never kill the strongest ability-user in the Mafia. You both should know me better by now.”

You scowled, the ugly expression marring your face, and Dazai frowned, leaning forward to appease you. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You played me for a fool. Was all of this an act?” you cried, wondering if maybe Dazai had been lying this entire time. Maybe all those sweet words he said had never been true, and you had fallen for them anyway, like the mindless pawn you were.

“Which part?” Dazai asked, but you could tell that he knew what answer you sought, what lies you wanted to unveil.

“You know which part,” you said, moving away from him, not sure what emotion to grant control. You felt an intense amount of fury, misery, and pity for yourself, who’d never asked Dazai for anything but to be on your side, and he still couldn’t give you that. “Fuck you, Dazai.”

Your lip quivered, but if you’d begun to cry, shame would swallow you up and drown you in the dark abyss of misery. You would have no other choice but to throw yourself out the window, where everyone in the Port Mafia could bear witness to all the ways that Dazai had ruined you.

“Boss—”

Chuuya’s sentence was cut off sharply.

You’d tried to climb out of the bed, but Dazai had grabbed your wrist, stopping you before you could escape from him once and for all. Though he spoke to Chuuya, his eyes were hard on you, never leaving the set he stared into as you swallowed over and over, trying to think of anything but the sick feeling in your chest.

“You can leave now, Chuuya. Consider this your lucky day.” His voice was icy, threatening, and though Chuuya lingered a moment before climbing to his feet, he spared you nothing but a small glance in return.

You inhaled, then exhaled, trying to stop the simmering of blood within your veins, feeling the heavy weight of his hand on your wrist. As you sat there in silence, waiting for him to be the one to break it, you started to wonder how much of this was really Dazai’s fault, and how much you were the one to blame.

“It was a test.” Dazai tried to bring your attention back to him, letting only a fragment of emotion drain into his voice, though it was enough to slowly, slowly pique your fascination once more. “That was all.”

You wet your lips, though your tongue was just as papery. “So none of it was real.”

“What do you mean?” Dazai came to sit in front of you, his skin pale in the dark lighting, and you could see the cracks in his facade, and maybe this splinter in your failing relationship would slowly begin to heal itself. “Everything I said was very much real.”

His soft fingertips traveled up your arm, curling around your shoulder, across your collarbone, before settling in that delicate space between your jaw and your ear. There was a starry look in his eyes, the twin pair that had been exposed.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” you said, scrunching your face in remorse, wanting to slither away from him, even as he drew you closer, close enough to smell the expensive cologne he wore, the liquor that he favored when you were away. His hair had been freshly washed, and the smell of shampoo still lingered, even under the thin layer of sweat.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” Dazai countered, the hurt not veiled in the slightest this time, and it didn’t take a genius to know what he was talking about. Heat flooded to your cheeks, and you were looking away, wondering why he was pulling you close to his chest when he should be hating you with the passion of a thousand fiends. “How could I trust you after that?”

You parted your lips to speak, but your jaw was locked, and the inside of your mouth tasted like cotton.

“I’m not a good man,” Dazai said, kissing the shell of your ear, your temple, and you squeezed your eyes shut, clinging to his bicep. “You’ve always known this. Yet, for as often as you talk about me with disgust dripping from your words, I’ve never sought to bring you pain.” He breathed in deeply, and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how much longer it’d be before you wept. “You’ve caused me pain.”

You tried to cry out, to tell him that you never thought it would hurt him, but he’d seen the very same in you, hadn’t he? You’d never given him any indication that the coldness in his words was bothering you, that the blurred lines of your relationship were getting confusing and hurtful, and he had done the same.

“We’re not good for each other, Osamu,” you whispered quietly, your lip quivering. The weight of your voice shattered against your vocal cords.

He let out a breathy laugh, smiling against your forehead. “On the contrary, I think we’re the perfect fit.”

For what reason he believed that, you weren’t sure.

You clenched your jaw tight, but it didn’t stop the feeling of tears from overwhelming you, hot droplets that spilled heavy from your eyes, running off your chin to Dazai’s chest. Your hands shook, clenched around his arms so tightly you were sure you were breaking the skin.

Dazai pulled away, monitoring your face with concern. You hated the way he looked at you with such pity when he was the reason for such pain. Yet, you couldn’t help but curl into him, warm, never wanting to escape from his reverence. “Why are you crying, my sweet angel?”

Nausea soured your mouth, and the regret that tinged you, tainted you, was vastly overwhelming. It was horrible in a way that you’d never felt.

It struck you, then, that you’d been blind to Dazai’s every affection, too ignorant to notice the ways that they had shifted as his life did. He no longer held your hand over the table during meetings, but the chair beside his was just as grandiose, and he greeted you with something of a smile when you walked into each room. He no longer accompanied you on assignments, but you were always taken care of, in a hotel most people couldn’t afford with a partner that could singlehandedly take out a hundred men. He no longer picked you flowers from a wild field as he’d done as a boy, but the vase on the table always held a beautiful bouquet of deep, red roses, without a single wilting flower.  

Chuuya, all this time, all these years had been right. There was no use in loving Dazai if you couldn’t stand him in his darkest hour, the bitter ugly side of him that no one wanted to see.

You’d never thought about it, really, but you’d changed just as he had. Everyone in the Mafia had blood on their hands, was ruined in more ways than one, and you were no exception. If loving Dazai meant loving those parts of him, then loving you meant just the same.

The tears fell harder, and Dazai seemed panicked, stricken, always so oblivious when it came to the affairs of your heart, and sometimes he tried, but you couldn’t hate him if he didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” you said pitifully, knowing from the spoiled heart in your very chest had ruined everything. “I’m sorry.” You said it again and again until Dazai was shushing you, running a large, cool palm down your back, the only way he knew to soothe you.

“I wish I’d never done it. I wish I’d just spoken to you, asked you, anything—” you wiped your face, heavy breaths stuttering before Dazai took your hands away, and erased the tears for you. “I just thought you hated me. It was the only thing that made sense.”

Dazai smiled sadly, because no one had taught him to love. How was he to know that he’d been doing it wrong all this time. “I wish I’d seen it before. I didn’t mean to push you away.” He sighed, dropping his head to your shoulder with a weariness that he’d been born with. “I’m sorry.”

A tingling sensation began under your skin, and you were warm all over, realizing just how much that apology had meant to you. For some reason, it felt like coming home.

The strong grip that nostalgia had on you gradually began to melt away.

[nxathyx]

"That's my lap..."

Gn!reader x Dazai Osamu, Gn!Reader x Ranpo Edogawa, Gn!Reader x Chuuya Nakahara, Gn! Reader x Akutagawa Ryuunoske, Gn!reader x Nikolai Gogol, Gn! Reader x Fyodor Dostoyevski, Gn! Reader x Sigma

So i just remembered that audio that was like

"hey, is that seat taken?"

"That's my lap.."

"i know what I said"

And i thought it'd be fun to write something similar so basically reader sitting on the bsd boys lap

Tw: slight suggestive themes (like hair pulling, grinding, marks/bites/brusinig, straddling if you want to count that, spanking), sitting on ones lap, ooc, cursing, slander (im slandering Fyodor once more), bad grammer

Dazai Osamu

° would definetly grab your hips and push you down on his lap

° I feel like he prefers when you're back is towards him so you can rest the back of your head against his chest while he just reads, does something on his phone or just stroke your hair

° definetly just does it as a pass time

° definetly Held your waist and made you grind against his thigh or just generally against him

° I feel like he enjoys having you on his lap in the agency, just to tease you and to anger Kunikida

°I feel like he'd massage your shoulders and leave feather like kisses on the back of your neck

Ranpo Edogawa

° I don't know why but I think he prefers sitting on your lap

° but if you do end up on his lap you two would just be quietly enjoying each others company eating some snacks and engaging in conversation from time to time

° definetly places his hands on your tummy and just plays with the skin (that sounds weird asf)

Chuuya Nakahara

° okay either likes having you on his lap sideways or you straddling him

° It depends where and what his mood is

° if you have a more childish and or silly personality would definetly use his ability to kind of make you jump up and down, and when I say up I mean like 30cm off his lap up

° would probably try to get a bit frisky

° once he let you sit on his lap while you did his eyeliner (he loved it)

° I feel like he'd know how to braid hair so would definitely do that (if your hair is long enough for that)

° I have no clue why but I feel like he'd pull your hair and then say some kinky shit in your ear😧

° you're probably leaving with a bruised and bitten neck

° if you have fishnet tights on he's definitely fondling with the plush of your thighs (slap his hand away if you don't want those to be torn [he will buy you new ones though])

°probably has a hand on your neck/throat

° if you wear chockers especially leather ones he's pulling on it just to kiss you

Akutagawa Ryuunoske

° how the fuck did you manage to even do that

° mf definetly uses rashoumon to keep you in place if you try to get up

° I legit don't know what else to say rather than what the fuck

° I think Akutagawas very kinky in private so expect a lot of lewd comments, maybe even spanking (this is so ooc right now💀

Nikolai Gogol

° mf once straight up kidnapped you with his ability just to have you sit on his lap

° likes having you kind of bounce on his lap (my grandma used to do that and it's kind of like you're pretending you're riding a horse while making sounds of the hooves clicking against the floor with your mouth. Eastern Europeans will probably understand)

° would show you card tricks

° I don't know why but I feel like he'd just randomly draw on the back of your neck (maybe sometimes with his mouth—)

° definetly drew a dick once and thought he was hilarious😭😭

° he grips your thighs from behind (I think he'd have really long and well kept nails so expect crescent moons on them)

Fyodor Dostoyevski

° personally I wouldn't go for that 😁

° don't touch his hair, you'll get 8 unknown diseases or something (I love hating on him so much)

° his body is really cold so use it to cool yourself off on a nice sunny day

° okay i don't know why but if you like a top or dress or corset or anything that needs to be tied on the back he'd sit you on his lap and zip it or tie it for you

° this man has such a hard grip on your hips, like you're leaving with bruises

Sigma

° I feel like he'd prefer to sit in your lap

° either that or just let you cuddle up to him while he's working or something

° will have one hand on your lower back

° if you ever strattled him he'll be so confused and embarrassed

° like don't do this to him he has to focus on the casino not the way you feel on him

°(he definitely gets turned on real fast)

[railleriee]

Top, Bottom, Switch? - BSD Men

Hello! I'm back. (finally) I've been back on my bsd brainrot. I can not get enough of them. That being said, enjoy these Headcanons of some of my bungo stray dogs favs! ( I plan to update my layout soon! Any ideas would be appreciated! )

Characters included: Dazai, Chuuya, Kunikida, Ranpo, Poe, Akutagawa, Atsushi.

Reader is non-gender specific!

Warnings: Mention of sex, bratty characters, kinks, whining, etc. (Let me know if I missed any! )

Dazai: 

Switch, a preference for top. 

I feel like when he was laying low for a year or so after leaving the PM he got around a bit. 

He’s been with multiple people and he’s definitely well experienced in bed. 

Dazai loves having power over others, resulting in his need to be a top. 

HIGH stamina, multiple rounds. 

Sex with him is wild, he’s very experimental. 

Rarely ever gets romantic during sex. 

On occasion he’d love to bottom! 

Definitely a bratty bottom, really into overstimulation.

Loves being teased in public, such a big turn on for him. 

Always down for quickies anywhere. 

Chuuya: 

Switch, reference for top. 

He’s definitely not as experienced as Dazai, and hasn't had the chance to get around a ton. 

He claims to know what he’s doing but definitely needs advice/teaching when it actually comes to it.

I like to think he’s surprisingly soft when it comes to sex.

Slow and gentle thrusts, poor baby is afraid of hurting you. 

When he’s on bottom, adores being ridden. 

He’s so sensitive and whines a bunch, whether he likes to admit it or not. 

Prevent him from touching you, it’ll drive him mad. 

Kunikida: 

He’s a top. 

I’d like to say he’s a switch but I can’t see him being on bottom. 

He’d be way too embarrassed to even admit it if he wanted to try it. 

He’s very straight to it, minimal teasing, although will take the time to prep you as needed. 

First few times were definitely awkward, although the more used to it he got, the better it got. 

Handsy. 

Hands are roaming every part of your body, he’s surprisingly skilled with them as well. 

Definitely into more sentimental sex, not into spur of the moment sex. 

Wants to make it as romantic as possible. 

Loves making you feel good <3

Ranpo: 

Switch, preference for bottom. 

He’s adorable, loves to be on bottom 

He’s lazy, and wants to do as minimal work as possible. 

BRAT! 

It’s so easy to break the poor boy, purposely misbehaves because he loves how possessive and angry you get.

He turns into a brainless mess who can’t even speak :-((

Babbling incoherent words while letting out whines. 

Begs! Deny him an orgasm and get the most precious mewls out of him. 

Very lazy if he tops, he whines and makes exaggerated sighs the entire time. 

Poe: 

Bottom, you can't change my mind.

Nothing screams bottom as much as this man. 

He’s very submissive in bed, always behaving. 

Melts when called “good boy”.

He doesn’t make a bunch of noise, but if he does he’s definitely whiny. 

Very shy! 

Reassure him, tell him how pretty he is and how he’s doing such a good job. 

Sex with him is always different. 

Experimentalist. 

Although shy, always willing to bring up new ideas and try them!

Akutagawa: 

Another bottom. 

This boy has never had sex a day in his life, so when you first did, he was clueless. 

Didn’t even know the aspect of top and bottom. 

When educated on it, he wasn’t sure what to do, although did as he thought pleased you! 

Him being on bottom is like stress relief for him.

He’s always trying to please, so someone else is pleasing HIM? He’s signed right up. 

Doesn’t make much noise, maybe a few grunts here and there. 

His entire body is sensitive, shivers anywhere you kiss him. 

Secretly adores marking. Loves having a reminiscence of the night before! 

Some of the PM notices said marks, although he never elaborates on his sex life to anyone. 

Atsushi: 

Switch, no preference. 

Where do I even start with him? He’s such a sweetheart. 

Soft and caring during, willing to try out anything you suggest as long as he doesn’t think he’d hurt you! 

Gasps a ton. 

Easily flustered, tease him during work and watch his face heat up! 

Stumbles over his words when teased. 

Like kunikida, he’s not into spur of the moment type sex. 

Into sentimental and romantic sex :-)) 

[deluxdollie]

S to F— a tier list of how healthy a relationship would be with these different BSD characters

Content warning: mentions of toxic relationship, manipulation, death, minor Spoilers (akutagwas part but there’s a warning) etc… this is also not edited at all.

Characters: Atsushi, odasaku, Tetchō, Fukuzawa, Kunikida, Yasano, Ranpo, Gin, Chuuya, Higuchi, Edger Allen Poe, Sigma, Dazai, Akutagawa, Tachihara, Ango, Jouno, Mori, Fyodor, Nikolai.

A/N sorry if theres any writing mistakes in this, I wrote this for eight hours straight with an ear infection and like four hours of sleep, so if there’s a spelling error please tell me.

S tier:

Atsushi(he’s shown to be very nice, always helping others, and in that one scene he bought a bunch of stuff for for koyaka to make her happy even though he didn’t have much money, he also help everyone without thinking and saves everyone despite their past EX: Koyaka)

Oda(Oda is shown to be a very kind person, who’s extremely kind Ex helping taking care of Dazai and watching over him, while having a strong moral compass, not wanting to kill anyone while having normal goals like wanting to be an author/wanting to wright, he also shows a lot of love for others, such as trusting Ango and jumping out a window and being completely ready to save the kids he was taking care of while before that making regular visit to them, probably one of the most normal people in the entire series. I don’t believe there would be many issues with him other than the fact he is dead. You could probably have a very healthy relationship with Oda.)

Tetchō(Tetchō is shown to have a lot of empathy and loyalty, such as when he stops Jouno from antagonizing Aya and when he fights Kenji so he can find Jouno to make sure he is alright. I honestly believe that Tetchō is probably one of the most normal characters in this series as of now. Of course there are the normal issues that I will be bringing up again and again such as you probably won’t be able to see him much etc etc, but relatively normal in my opinion. )

A tier:

Fukuzawa(Fukuzawa is shown to be someone that helps others and gives them a chance no matter what EX Ranpo and Yasano, But he is also a work alcoholic Ex that one scene that fukuchi said that Fukuzawa was still married to his work. It really depends on when you would start dating Fukuzawa but if it was earlier in life I believe he most likely would have broken up with you for his work(and also for you safety) but I think he would be on of the healthier options out of BSD cast)

Kunikida(other than Kunikidas long list of things he wants from his ideal women, I believe he would be a healthy partner. Kunikida is shown to on Multiple occasions to save multiple kids and risk his life, he also canonically makes sure to take care of Dazai and his other friends EX Katai. I honestly believe he would be a very caring person to date as long as you like a lot of plans and schedules.)

Yasano(I believe Yasano would be a very kind and caring person to date, though I believe she would be a bit of a handful at times, you would probably have to carry her bags around but I believe she would do anything to save you in a time of need, Yasano is shown to not be afraid to stand up to others EX that one scene where that one businessman was picking on her, asking if she what her job was and she said she was a doctor and she was about to break that man’s hands. Yasano is also shown to care of others she is close to EX that one scene where Ranpo and herself are in one of Poe’s books and she gives him her glasses to give him the motivation to solve the case in the book. I believe Yasanos love be more quiet but she would still make sure to show it.)

Ranpo(I believe there are many misconceptions about Ranpo, a lot of people mistake Ranpo as some super cocky at everything character, but they forget that Ranpo is not ashamed to say that he doesn’t know how to do things alone EX ride the train even though Ranpo is an adult and he’s not afraid to admit he can’t go alone on the train or that he’s not fit to be the boss of the ADA, he is only cocky in the means of his detective work, because he KNOWS he’s good, he’s not being cocky, he’s stating a fact, because Ranpo IS better than everyone else when it comes to him deducing things. Though Ranpo does have a blunt and sometimes arrogant attitude he can admit his short comings, like admiring that he couldn’t figure out one of the cases he was doing, or when he was 14 he admitted that he didn’t understand others. I think he would be interesting to date but he could be slightly overwhelming at times because he may sort of lazy, but I believe he would respect anyone he was dating like he respects Fukuzawa or Yasano.)

Gin(probably out of the two Akutagawa siblings, the least affected by their trauma. There isn’t much about Gin that is known to the anime and I Haven’t watched the BSD wan in a while, but Gin Is a very kind person and you can see in I think the fourth or fifth season she protects everyone from herself when she lost control of her knife. over all when she is seen with akutagawa in that one scene (and including the episode where Higuchi is chasing after Gin) she seems to be overall quiet and respectful.)

B tier:

Chūya(Chūya is kinda of a mixed bag, on one hand, he is a red flag (I swear to god if I see one of those jokes where it like “Chūya doesn’t have any flags, I’m going to find your house and beat you, I’m so sick of that joke, I see it in every comment section talking about Chūya, can we please get a knew joke BSD fandom, all the jokes we have are dead.) people often say Chūya is a red flag since he is in the mafia, which is Valid, which is why I have him so low, other than the fact that he is the mafia I believe Chūya would be in A tier maybe even S tier but I may be a little biased , but, excluding the fact Chūya is in the mafia, Chūya is probably one of the most loyal characters in the ENTIRE series, since it was exclusively said in Stormbringer that “Master Chūya is the kind of person who will never abandon those who have helped him, even if they end up betraying. That is simply who he is.” Chūya is the kind of person to keep a promise no matter what, Chūya is also said to be respectful to women, and from what we see from the show he is respectful to everyone but Dazai but Dazai purposely makes Chūya upset, so I don’t hold Chūya to blame. I see Chūya as a loyal and kind partner, and who would be pleasant to date if it weren’t for the fact that he was in the Port Mafia, so you would have to be in the mafia you to if you wanted the relationship to work. I do also see people say Chūya would be violent because Chūya is often shown to be angry, but, when Chūya is shown to be angry it’s usually for a valid reason, such as Dazai insulting him, or for him to be put in a life or death situation, such as in Dead Apple, which most people would also do, since there is a risk for so many people dying or being around people that purposely try to make you angry. So I think Chūya is that bad to date if your ignore all the crimes, but everyone ignores Dazais crimes, so I think they can do the same for Chūya.

Higuchi(We haven’t seen to much of Higuchi in BSD, though I would like to, and it is a shame that we haven’t, from what I have scene in the anime, manga, and BSD Wan, I think Higuchi is somewhere in the B to C tier, though love her. The reason I place Higuchi so low is because of her intense jealousy around Akutagawa, someone she is not dating. It is seen In the first season that when she sees a women with Akutagawa (it was Gin, which she did not know at the time,) she gets extremely jealous, going as fare as to stalk the two of them and chase after Gin, which is very possessive. The loyalty of Higuchi is also seen in the first season when she does everything to for Akutagawa with zero regret and brushing it off as it just being her job. Higuchi would probably be a very loving and nice girlfriend to be with but a very possessive and jealous one, which isn’t the worst thing to be on this list, considering some of the other BSD characters. While researching this list, I remember how funny Higuchi can be, while partnering up with Atsushi to find how who the women Akutagawa is with she was very witty and she really funny to watch, along as in the wan she was also pretty funny.

Edger Allen Poe(Poe is a decent person, he is shown to be kind, ambitious, and smart, though he clearly thinks of himself less than Ranpo. Poe is a shy person which is shown clearly through out the anime and manga. Poe is arguably a red flag since he did try to kill Ranpo, but he does show some concern if Ranpo does die, so over all I think Poe’s fine except his a little off his rockers sometimes, but who’s not anyway. I believe Poe’s one of the characters that could date someone outside of his own job, but he is pretty shy, so I think you would have to be introduced to him in order for anything romantic to happen.

Sigma(I honestly think Sigma would be okay, but the main issues would be his A, his inexperience with life, I think he would be very stressed because he only has the memories of the past three years of his life and he really wouldn’t know what to do, and B, he is part of a criminal organization, which considering this list is pretty normal, since it’s seems everyone in Bsd has at some point committed at least one minor war crime or killed at least one person. The main issue with Sigma being in a criminal organization is that Fyodor is there and if Fyodor knows about you you’re already dead and will probably be used to manipulate Sigma. Overall, Sigma as a person, though inexperienced would be an okay partner, but because of Fyodor dating him could be extremely risky for the both of you, so for the better, it would be better to have a unspoken close relationship that would only work if you worked closely to Sigma, but this would still inevitably be found out by Fyodor.)

C tier:

Dazai(I’m pretty sure this is a hot take, but, dating Dazai would not be that great, but before Dazai Stans come for me let me explain: Asagiri (the author of BSD) said that in what ever relationship Dazai was in he would manipulate them, so it is canon that he would be a little toxic, but looking at his other friendships, you can kinda see how he acts, he’s a womenizer, flirting with pretty much anyone he sees and offering them a double suicide, he also doesn’t let anyone in on his past or his secrets and is overall distant. I believe Dazai would manipulate his partner so they don’t figure out about his past, and if they somehow do, I believe he would always keep them at arms length and you would have to be someone like Fyodor in order to figure him out and make him actually exspress himself, and I think if you could figure him out one of you would leave (because you deserve better) or Dazai feels threaded and he would find a way to manipulate you into breaking up the relationship for him or he would just disappear. But I don’t want that to discredit the fact that Dazai can be a a nice person, but everything nice about him has an equal and opposite amount of evil, which is the issue about Dazai, you would have to be able to tear him apart so you could get close to him, but he would always try to keep you away or you would have to be stupid enough to date him and think he truly loves you. I honestly think you would have to take up a caretaker role for Dazai and you wold have to have known him since his Port Mafia days and be able to corner him and dissect his character for him to let you be close with him, overall, toxic relationship.)

Akutagawa(canonically, I think Akutagawa would be hard to date, Akutagawa has been shown in the past to be violent and cold to others, at one point even hitting Haguchi in the first season, though. I believe Akutagawa has had character development since then, and has started to become kinder, I still believe Akutagawa has a lot of healing to do before he can ever have a healthy relationship with others. I do want to mention the fact that Akutagawa does have a heart, he did say he was happy for Koyoka, and MANGA SPOILERS he was assigned to take care of Aya after Bram died, so I believe we could see him heal more in the future of the show. MANGA SPOILERS DONE we have seen Akutagawa be able to work with others more, and better, so I do believe he will rise the ranks of this tier list soon.)

Tachihara(Tachihara is a pretty nice person that looked up to by some from what I have seen in the anime and manga, though he doesn’t have much screen time, but from I have seen, he’s a really troubled person who is emotionally driven, he spends most of his life trying to get revenge against Yasano, and he often argues with Gin, though him arguing with others and acting all hard could have been part of the ruse he had been doing when he was a spy for the hunting dogs. Tachihara is a kind person though he has a lot of internal conflict, with the constant internal battle of if he was a hunting dog or a port mafia agent, though when does choose a side, he sticks to it. I believe Tachihara would be someone who would have trouble starting a romantic relationship do to his job, but the same goes for every port mafia agent of hunting dogs member. I believe Tachihara would be a protective partner, I believe this since you can see that Tachihara has dedicated his life to someone he loves dearly (his dead brother) that he would do the same for someone he truly loves.)

D tier:

Ango(I hate putting Ango here because I love him so much, but I’m not putting him here because I don’t like him, I’m putting him for other reason I will explain. I am putting Ango so low because of his job, I love Ango, as he is my favorite character in the entire show, but because of his job he often betrays people, and I believe he may carry a lot of guilt and shame for what he has done, which I believe is shown when he helps Dazai out of the port mafia, by erasing all his crimes. From what I can see Ango is a hard working government official who does care about others deeply and he struggles to not grow attached to people on his undercover missions Ex Dazai and Odasaku. I believe with Angos constant betrayals he would have many people after him and dating someone would only add more stress to him, and if someone he loved died again I believe he would never forgive himself and he would try to make up for what he did like he does Dazai. Like most of the other characters in this list I believe you would have to work with Ango in the government in order to have any relationship with him, since in any other circumstance he would most likely betray you. I don’t mean to display Ango as only a traitor, since he’s not, you can see he is an actually kind and caring man, but he is often put in the position to make hard decisions, though when he helps Atsushi and Koyaka escape in season 4/5 you can see him choose the side that he knows is innocent and to work for his own personal motivations instead of a company’s.

Jouno(in the show Jouno is shown to be pretty sadistic, though he doesn’t join Fukuchi when he offer Jouno to help him, and instead chooses to help others, though he does torment Aya. So I do believe that Jouno is a good person but if you had to date him I’d say it would be difficult, especially with his job most likely keeping away from you for long if you don’t work with him, so I would say another character where you would have to work with him if you wanted to spend any time with him.)

(We’re skipping E tier because everyone that’s going into F tier doesn’t deserve to be put at a higher letter like E. It also messes with my my color coordination system so I’m sorry if you love the letter E and I didn’t mention it.)

F tier:

Mori(the only way you meet this man is if he found you in the hospital nursery, no other words, the only reason people like him is because Bones(the studio that animates BSD currently) gives him pretty privileges instead of Fyodor, though for the three people that actually find his character cool because of his past are chill, but still, Mori isn’t some hot mafia boss, he’s legit a manipulative pedophile, the only reason Mori is ever good is if he can be used for the plot.)

Fyodor(Fyodor may have a nice voice and he may be attractive but don’t let that distract you, that man will kill you. He will ruin your life and make you depend on him (I’m taking that from the fact that during the prison arc he told Dazai to do that.) Fyodor would most likely use you for everything you were worth or keep you around because he’s fractionated by you, in the best case you are as smart as Fyodor so you can entertain him, any other way your probably going to get killed petty quickly by him since for most people he doesn’t show much care or interest in except for Dazai since Dazai entertains him, and and any other person he just uses Ex Nikolai or sigma.)

Nikolai(Nikolai would most likely have an unhealthily obsession with you and then kill you, in the show it states that he wants to kill things he loves because he wants them to be free. I would say Nikolai has a good heart but he also is Insane, he’s done some of the most graphic kills in the show, but he does show sadness when he think Fyodor died, so he has some empathy but if you were to date him your gonna have a nice knew head piecing with a 15 caliber built in your skull.)

————————————————————————

(PS: don’t let this discourage you from reading/writing fanfics about characters, I’m not doing this to hate I’m just showing what I think it would be like in cannon, but in fanfiction I think it’s fine to change things about character (EX making Dazai not manipulate reader) to show how much the character loves reader. This isn’t serious by any means or meant to hate on your favs, again, please don’t send me death threats<3.)

[oikasugayama]

I just found your blog and love your writing and charts! I have a couple of requests for charts, dw if you don’t like them. First, the bsd boys on finding out you want to get their image tattooed on your body, they either love or hate the idea and maybe suggest where. Second, the bsd boys on a date with you at a fancy restaurant, you get horny and touch them under the table. Thanks!

Thank youuu!! I really like the second request!!

You touch him under the table during dinner with guests at a fancy restaurant...

Akutagawa is too prideful to let anyone know what you're doing to him. He makes you stop so that he can punish you at home. Fukuzawa makes you stop and won't touch back because it's inappropriate.

Kunikida lets you go for a few seconds too long out of his own selfish desires, but he does make you stop and keeps it secret bc it's disrespectful to your dinner guests.

Ranpo lets you touch him but doesn't touch you back. If you try to make him cum it becomes a little obvious to some of the people you're dining with, but he doesn't announce it by any means

Junichiro and Atsushi don't tell the table but it's so obvious that they're getting really flustered because something must be happening. Junichiro makes you stop faster than Atsushi would. Atsushi would at least pet your thigh a little. Ango makes you stop immediately bc he can't risk you getting caught, but he also unintentionally lets the table know because he's obvious.

Bram makes you stop by interrupting conversation to say "don't touch me there, we're in public." Mori similarly says to your guests that you're touching him under the table, and that makes you stop, but he technically didn't remove your hand.

Oda paws at you a little bit and tries very hard to keep it a secret. When he gets worked up too much he stops and says you two have another commitment and need to leave (really he fucks you in the car). Mushitaro is similar; he definitely touches you back and when he gets too worked up he says you two need to leave. He's a bit more obvious than Oda.

Poe touches back but he's so whiny and squirmy that everyone knows what's happening and then he leaves and takes you with him.

SIGMA? The CASINO GUY? SLIGHT OF HAND IS HIS THING. He's whole ass making you cum under that table and no one is gonna know a fucking thing. Same goes for Tachihara, he's an ACTOR that man played the Hunting Dogs and the Port Mafia for a while. He's cumming and no one can tell.

Chuuya is down to get a handy under the table. Depending on who's at the table, he might not care if they realize, he thinks it might establish dominance.

Nikolai will let you rub him and will play with you back. He could probably use his ability to actually fuck you under the table as long as no one noticed his hips moving. He would straight up tell the dinner guests he's fucking you if they asked why he's moving so much.

Dazai and Fyodor are straight up telling the table, but in different ways. Dazai is throwing his head back and moaning and telling you it feels so good, and when the dinner guests look horrified he takes your hand and brings you to the bathroom to fuck you over the sink. Fyodor is very casually leaning his head on his hand, looking his guest in the eye, and somehow using you jerking him to belittle the guest. He'd say something with the essence of "you want me to help you, and i'm over here getting a handjob. we are not the same."

[unicornpopcorn14]

Dazai and his (dis)association with Guns

It's interesting to me how Dazai conically wields no firearms on him, neither in the PM nor in the ADA.

I mean, taking how dangerous both jobs are into consideration, and how he isn't as physically capable as the strongest ability users out there, you'd think he'd at least ensure a safety measure with him at all times.

But every gun he wields in the series is someone else's.

Every. single. one.

Even the handgun he wields in the Azure messanger arc, despite belonging to the agency, he doesn't constantly use:

While in Stormbringer, Dazai uses a tazer gun before meeting Adam and relying on him:

I've had many speculations regarding this pattern (feel free to add onto them), one of them being that Dazai thinks he doesn't even need guns, since strategies are his weapons, his hands alone are his weapons. In a world of crazy abilities, and users completely relying on said abilitis, being a nullifier might be considered the biggest threat, and a pretty sturdy weapon to rely on.

After some thinking, however, I found that while this might be part of the reason, it isn't enough to just disregard firearms as weapons entirely. Dazai's plans/predictions aren't foolproof, and as he'd explained, they are full of uncertanties, contrary to Fyodor's plans.

And Dazai's ability can't be relied on all the time. Having to touch the enemies/maintain proximity in order to activate it is definitely a hindrance. Besides, some enemies can be physically competent without their abilities, some might not even have abilities, but are formidable. Firearms in these situations would be extremely useful, given their range, and a good precaution.

Aside from combat, tw: suicide Let's not forget that a shooting oneself is subjectively the most painless way to die. So if anything, Dazai should be eager to have one on him and even attempt with it. But he doesn't, he never even seems interested in using guns at all in his suicide methods, hence he would have succeeded long ago...

So if it isn't out of unnecessity, then what might be the reason? I mean, having to count on your enemies to have guns in order to use one is rather inconveniet, right? Why can't he just carry the agency's gun or, before that, any of the countless PM's firearms? Well...

Here is what I think: Killing with guns is triggering for Dazai

Let's rewind a little...

15!Dazai is the earliest we see him using a firearm, and one of the few times he does shoot with said firearm, resulting in this fiasco:

He's clearly having a mental breakdown, spiraling, can't stop, and most importantly: can't think straight. This is Dazai's lowest moment in the whole series.

Thing worth mentioning: in the manga/lightnovel, Dazai does stop after shooting the man one time (basically killing him) and pauses, before he continues again and again and agian...

So I believe the triggering factor is either the death/corpse itself, or how the recoil felt.

We can't exactly determine what it might be, since remember, this is before Dazai even joins the Mafia. He's known Mori for mere weeks at this point. Whatever Dazai's going through in this moment has to related to his past prior to the mafia that we have yet to (or might never) see.

You'd get why Dazai, a person whose greatest ability is his mind above all else, would never wish to go through a moment where he can't keep his thoughts in check. Where he'd lose control.

And you know what's crazy? Dazai seems to avoid that outcome since then, as This is the only moment we see him actively kill someone with a gun in the series.

18!Dazai, through his (abusive) teaching moment with Akutagawa, shoots three times in hopes the other finally uses his ability defensively. There is a cause, and a motif, that a gun has to be involved in. And he knows Akutagawa is going to succeed in repelling them, he knows that won't kill him. Which is why wielding a gun is safe along with shooting it.

While in the ADA, in the instances Dazai wields a gun, he doesn't even shoot:

And that checks. Each one of these example were mere empty threats, but now I see that, as much as it's a threat to whoever he's pointing the barrel at, he's also under the mercy of it. Which means that every time he's used a gun since fifteen was a means to scare and not kill, if only to avoid the worst outcome which is losing control.

Dazai's sanity is on the line whenever the trigger is at the tip of his finger...

So why would he carry guns when he never even plans to shoot? When properly putting them to use threatens to send him into a breakdown, to overthrow his entire line of thinking?

One moment out of control might cost him his plans, his objectives, his subordinates, the lives he wishes to protect. And unless there is a motif for the gun (other than of course, killing) using it is a threat looming over him.

[yup-thats-me]

My heart goes out to all the (anime) fathers!

Men who will one day come to you while you’re chopping up some vegetables for the meal, men with the guts to stare at you straight in the eyes and say, “Y/n…let’s get a divorce. I found someone much better than you.”

He asks for a divorce. You have a knife in your hand.

Without thinking, you rush after him. “Who’s the other woman, goddamn it! I swear to god I’ll kill you then I’d kill myself!” what else was your husband expecting after you spent eight years of your life together, not to mention you even have a five-year-old daughter for heaven’s sake!

“Mama, stop!” your daughter called out, her little eyes filled with tears. “You cannot kill my husband!”

Did she say “My husband’’?

Oh so that’s what made your husband say that. Looking back at the man, you almost killed him off with that stare. He had no choice but to shrug, gesturing to your daughter.

“Baby, can I ask why Daddy is now called ‘my husband’?” The little girl stayed silent, looking at her ‘husband’ who was instantly by her side and picked her up.

“Woman, I cannot have you make my lovely bride-to-be cry!” He would say while smirking.

Sighing, you soothe your daughter. “Baby, see this ring? Daddy has one on his finger too,” The girl’s eyes almost popped out at the revelation.

“That means Mama and Daddy are married. You cannot marry Daddy, baby.”

Loud wails filled the house. It took an ice-cream and a cookie to make her stop. When she did, the terrifying news was brought up again.

“That’s why, Daddy can’t marry you.”

“…then will I get my own ring too?”

Her question made one of you giggle while it made the other’s vein pop on his forehead. “Of course! My little princess will find a lover who will get on one knee and give the ring to her.” The little girl was relieved.

“NO! I won’t let it happen!” Your husband cried, making the girl cry again. He received a smack on the head and the laundry for a week.

tr: mikey, shinichiro, baji, chifuyu, kokonoi; kny: sanemi, zenitsu, tengen; jjk: gojo, yuji, inumaki, sukuna; bsd: ranpo, dazai, nikolai; windbreaker (aged up, ofc): umemiya, kiryu, sakura + your favs!

Men who wakes you up with coffee on bed. It’s no special day today but it was decided that the family of three would go out for a picnic, and the weather could not have been any better.

Men who would not even bother to ask you to make preparation of food and other requirements for the picnic. They would get up at dawn when it is still dark outside and silently begin the preparations for the day.

They would make countless dishes, each one better than the next, and pack them up so beautifully. When done with cooking, they would pack the blankets, wine, and juice for the kid(s), and get your favorite book packed and of course, he cannot miss out on his camera! He has to take many pictures of his family on their day out.

Men who would choose a quiet flower field away from the bustling city; perfect for a quite yet enjoyable trip. They would even lay out the food and help feed them to you.

They would lay in your lap while you read your book and your son close by, doing something with flowers. Your son would run up to the two of you, a flower crown in his hand and ask for your husband to sit up.

The little boy placed the crown on his father’s head, giggling all the while. “Daddy looks so pretty!’’

“Yeah, doesn’t he?” you agree with the boy. “But what about mommy?”

“I’ll make mommy a flower bouquet! Wait your turn!” The boy ran away again, skipping in his track.

Your husband’s lips found yours; soft and sweet. “I love you,” they would say softly. “And our soon,” with a chuckle.

“And I love you two, too.”

tr: draken, mitsuya, inupi, kazutora; kny: tanjiro, rengoku, muzan; jjk: NANAMI, geto, yuta; bsd: chuuya, akutagawa, fukuzawa, poe, atsushi, sigma, fyodor, kunikida; windbreaker: hayato, togame, hiragi + your favs!

do not copy, steal, or translate my work on any other sites. all belong to yup-thats-me on tumblr

[yokohamapound]

Hi bestie! Great to find a new BSD blog! For starters, can we have some hcs on what kind of lingerie Dazai, Chuuya, Ranpo, Akutagawa and Fyodor would buy their fem!s/o? ;)

Hey, I hope you enjoy these!

Characters: Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Edogawa Ranpo, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Fyodor Dostoevsky

Warnings: NSFW, lingerie

Dazai Osamu

This man is what we like to call an omniwhore. If it's on your body, he's interested in getting it off and getting you off.

Dazai's stated himself that he has quite wide-ranging tastes, so it's highly likely he'll just buy you something you'd feel sexy in, but if he had completely free reign...?

His tastes are pretty classic. He'd probably go for something black, with lace. He likes how it feels, warmed by your skin, against his hands, his tongue...

That being said, you don't need to buy anything expensive to seduce him. You could be lounging around in one of his shirts and a pair of thigh-highs and that would count as lingerie to him.

Dazai is someone who likes seeing his s/o wear his clothes, especially in a dishevelled, just-got-fucked kind of way.

Nakahara Chuuya

Chuuya's favourite colours seem to be black and red, which isn't a surprise coming from anyone in the Port Mafia. Chuuya leans towards an edgy, femme/homme fatale style if he's choosing lingerie for his lover.

Think bustiers, garters, body harnesses, edging into bondage chic, I guess you could say. These are his tastes and you don't have to subscribe to them, but if you do he'll be shoving you into closets, back seats of cars, his personal office, the club bathroom. Pretty much anywhere he can get you alone and start ripping off buttons.

There's a certain part of your body, and anything that brings his attention to it is enough to get Chuuya raring to go.

Thighs.

Stockings are great, but those little harnesses or garters that go around your thigh get him bricked up like an 18th Century window.

If you're feeling cheeky, you can lift up the hem of a skirt or let him see the outline of it under your pants. Man is gripping the edge of the table.

"You're killin' me with these, dollface."

Edogawa Ranpo

You know those candy thongs?

Jokes aside, I feel like Ranpo doesn't buy you straight-up lingerie as much as he occasionally grabs a little costume for you. Straight-up sex is probably kinda boring, even if it feels good, so why not have some fun with roleplay?

You could be a cute little nurse and he's the world's greatest detective.

Or you're a cute little maid, and he's the world's greatest detective!

These aren't cheap costumes, though—he'll get you some nice, high quality stuff and not those itchy, shiny polyester things from Shein.

If he does buy you underwear, it has cute prints and colours. I feel like he likes stripes, pastel ones. Pinks and blues and soft yellows, because it lowkey reminds him of candy wrappers.

However, one time he did just bring you a bag from the grocery store.

"Ranpo, why is there a can of whipped cream?"

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Okay, do not send Akutagawa into a lingerie store because he will panic and he will destroy the store with Rashoumon. At first he will be highly dismissive of buying you underwear—are you not capable of buying it yourself?

Give him time to come around to the idea that he can choose what he sees on your body, the intimate garments that are going to hug your skin under your clothes, for his eyes only. Then he gets it.

Akutagawa's taste definitely runs to dark fabrics: deep burgundies, black, of course, deep purples and emerald greens if he's branching out a bit. Lace and frills, but also a touch of leather and metal. You can't take the Port Mafia out of the boy, after all.

I don't know if this is a Port Mafia-induced kink but he also likes body harnesses. The straps against your skin, especially if they're cinched a little tight against your soft flesh, remind him of when he binds you in Rashoumon and spreads you out underneath him.

This works with normal outfits too, actually. If you wear something floaty with a body harness underneath, and he sees it? Especially when you're out in public or on the job?

There's gonna be a whole different kind of screaming coming from that dark alleyway.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

I'm hardly original in thinking this, but Fyodor would strikes me as the type to lean toward something clean, pure. Angelic, one might say.

White is very common, especially delicate fabrics like lace and silk. Fyodor likes to get his cold hands on you, to feel you shiver at his touch, and the contrast between warm, soft skin and cool, slippery silk pleases him.

The sight of your legs sheathed in pretty white stockings, lace clinging precariously to your upper thighs—that's a temptation he struggles to resist, especially when you sit on his lap. He's a stocking man and will ensure you always have plenty in your drawer.

Little babydoll nightdresses too, usually delicate and translucent.

Oh, and blindfolds.

He also has a lovely collection of pretty silk ropes to tie you up in.

[solemnvelvetangel]

"Everybody wants a taste, that's why I still get jealous" - BSD jealousy head cannons

Notes:

June 30th, 2024

Characters included:  Atsushi Nakajima, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, Chuya Nakahara, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Saigiku Jouno.

Word Count: 1,383

GN! Reader

Content Warning: Insecurities, anxiety, brief mention of a lobotomy in Fyodor's.

These are purely self-indulgent head cannons of some of the BSD characters I think would be the most jealous in a relationship. Enjoy <3.

___

“I don't like the way he's lookin' at you. I'm startin' to think you want him, too…”

Atsushi Nakajima

As sweet as he would be, I believe Atsushi would be very jealous when it comes to his partner.

Because of years of abuse and neglect he faced in the orphanage he was raised in, he has barely ever had positive attention.

So naturally, as soon as he started to get that positive attention from you, he instantly began to treasure the feeling and became protective over you.

He takes your relationship very seriously because he feels that you’re one of the first people that he was able to form a deep connection with.

So, when he feels like your relationship is being threatened somehow, he starts to feel a certain type of way about it.

He’s not controlling or anything, he just sinks too far into his own thoughts and starts to get really intense feelings of inadequacy.

He will often become visibly distressed when gets too in his own head.

But he’ll deny it until he can no longer hide it.

He has very low self-esteem, so if he thought that someone that he saw as more attractive than him was trying to come on to you, he would probably get really upset and worried.

Especially if it’s a recurring event with the same person.

If someone was straight-up flirting with you in front of him, he’s going to be so annoyed beyond belief.

Passive Aggressive. He’ll try to be polite, but his irritation is going to be clear in his tone.

He mostly bottles up his feelings until he lets them out all at once when you two are by yourselves.

He feels really weak for being a jealous person, but he can’t help but feel it.

“Protective or possessive? Girl, call it passive or aggressive…”

Ryunosuke Akutagawa

… I don’t even know where to start, because this man has so much emotional baggage.

He’s very similar to Atsushi, in which he bonds with someone he cares about deeply and becomes protective.

However, Akutagawa is more overwhelmed by his feelings of inadequacy.

Instead of it just being when he feels like his relationship is being threatened, it is a constant feeling for him.

It only gets worse when he feels like someone is trying to take you from him.

You’re his person, to every extent of the word: his lover, his best friend, the person he trusts the most. You’re his, and he’s not afraid to protect what means to him most.

Calling him “protective” would be an understatement.

He’s more like a terrifying angel of vengeance that looms over you when people get too close for his liking.

People are so afraid of him, that they don’t typically approach you anyway.

He’s not passive aggressive, he is straight-up aggressive.

It’s kind of like this: they make him uncomfortable, so he makes them really uncomfortable.

He gets nauseous if anyone gets too touchy with you. Not out of disgust, but out of anxiety.

He hates when people try to touch him (he doesn’t even like shaking people’s hands for business purposes), but your touch is something he loves and he finds it sacred.

So, if someone tries to touch you too much or in a non-friendly way, he’s going to be very upfront with the person about how feels about it, whether it be through words or by punching them in the face.

He can and will shove someone away from you.

“It’s not your fault that they hover, I mean no disrespect…”

Chuya Nakahara

He’s jealous, but he’s more respectful and mature than most would think.

All of his life, he has never felt human or felt like he could be loved.

So, when you two got together, you became the most important person to him.

He began to fear that someone who is more “normal” than him will catch your attention and you’ll leave him.

He doesn’t really understand why you love him, which just fuels his insecurity.

Him being the host of Arahabaki doesn’t really help his feelings.

He knows that it’s not your fault if people are attracted to you, but he can’t help but feel protective.

He’s jealous in a very quiet manner, despite being so head-strong.

Because of his ability and Arahabaki, he was afraid to touch you for a very long time.

Even if he knows someone is just hugging you platonically, he can’t help but feel bitter because they can hug you so easily without the fear of hurting you.

He’s also jealous of people who have a very calm demeanor.

He feels that he’s often too harsh and rough-around-the-edges, which causes a seed of doubt to be planted in his brain.

In summary, his jealousy stems from his own insecurity of not feeling human.

“You can call me obsessed…”

Fyodor Dostoevsky

When I say he is obsessed, I mean that in every sense of the word.

He’s obsessed. Consumed by adoration. Immensely intrigued by your existence. Enamored, even.

In other words: he is horrendously down bad.

He won’t admit that, though. Even though he’s in love with you, he will always keep you at a certain distance.

That doesn’t make him any less jealous, though.

He knows that being in a relationship with him is anything but normal and it’s difficult, so the possibility of you leaving him because you find someone more expressive with their feelings or more gentle is something he thinks about more than he wants to.

The thought literally haunts him.

He’s naturally suspicious of literally anyone who tries to get close to you, whether it be platonic or romantic.

It’s mostly because of his profession that makes him skeptical of people that try to get close to you.

To be honest, the only three people he trusts around you are Nikolai, Sigma, and Ivan.

Nikolai because while he’s crazy, he's not crazy enough to cross that line.

Sigma because Fyodor knows that he’s inexperienced in love and insecure about his humanity, so he knows he won’t try anything.

Ivan because… well, he’s Ivan. He literally has no thoughts in that lobotomized brain.

Platonic relationships he can tolerate, he is suspicious, but he tolerates them to the best of his ability.

He is completely intolerant of anyone who takes romantic interest in you.

He will make it clear to anyone who shows even the slightest bit of attraction to you that he doesn’t play games when it comes to you.

If it’s a normal person that he doesn't know very well, he’ll just use simple intimidation to get them to back off. He doesn’t really waste his time on them.

Now, if it’s someone he knows very well or an enemy of his, he is going to be a menace.

He’s going to make sure that they know they  can mess with him all they want, but he’ll be damned before they ever try to get close to you in any capacity.

“It’s my right to be hellish, I still get jealous…”

Saigiku Jouno

Hunting dog? More like a guard dog.

Jouno is sadistic, teasing, and hot-tempered behind a calm demeanor.

He’s anything but chill when it comes to you.

You know the saying “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”? Yeah, he doesn’t believe that. You’re his fish and he’s not throwing you back.

Jouno has seen terrible things and has met many terrible people with terrible intentions, so he’s pretty good at reading people.

So, when people try to flirt with you, it’s on sight.

Especially if they’re being very sweet to you. 

He tends to show his affection through teasing you. So, when someone is being overly sweet and complimenting you, he feels like they’re trying to take you from him.

He’s pissed and jealous, and he’s gonna’ make it their problem.

He’ll give off a really threatening aura and he’ll insult the person almost endlessly.

He’s really passive aggressive. More aggressive than passive.

He will be touchier when he’s jealous, it’s sort of his way of keeping himself calm.

He’s dreadfully aware that he has someone good, and he won’t let anyone threaten your relationship.

[sleepyghostuwu]

I've got sort of an odd scenario- how would Dazai, Chuuya and Akutagawa react to their s/o wearing a shirt that's too big for them and they think it's another man's, but in reality, they're not cheating and it's just their dad's or something. I just know Dazai's dramatic ahh wouldn't take it well initially. Ty ty

Ooh, that's a pretty interesting request you've given me to work on, anon :0 Enjoy reading! :D

Wearing your dad's shirt: Akutagawa, Chuuya & Dazai

Akutagawa:

Aku isn't one to be overly dramatic when it comes to this or anything at all, really.

He trusts that you wouldn't pull off any stunts in your relationship with him, though not enough to not cause suspicion when he sees you wearing a shirt that's too big for your body and uncannily fitting for another man.

At this moment, Aku's mind is bombarded with many questions that shook his trust in you: where did you get the audacity from? Why would you do something like that? Who even gave you that shirt to begin with?

There is a slight crack in his composure, but how much further it breaks ultimately depends on your answer to his question.

"Y/n, that shirt you're wearing, where did you get it from?"

You look down at the extremely oversized shirt that clothed you to more than half your thigh. "Oh, this? It's from my dad."

Aku's blank stare was enough to express the puzzlement he felt. "Why are you wearing your dad's shirt if it's clearly too large for you?"

"I feel comfortable in it, nothing else."

"Oh" is all Aku manages as he watches you go about in that baggy shirt of yours.

He's still confused, but at least his trust in you is back.

Chuuya:

Chuuya's not one to be overly dramatic either, but he'll definitely explode if you actually betray him like that. Otherwise, he'd normally keep his cool until his suspicions were confirmed.

Seeing you wearing a shirt that was clearly too big for you was definitely something that took him by surprise and sparked a bit of suspicion in him.

Chuuya trusts in your loyalty to him, though that is sometimes wavered by his insecurity that you'd try to leave him, worse if it's by cheating on him.

"Y/n, whose shirt are you wearing?"

You tug the hem of your oversized shirt. "It's my dad's shirt."

"Eh?" Chuuya frowns in confusion. "Isn't it too big for you to wear?"

"Yeah, but I think it's comfy."

"Huh, if you say so."

Chuuya can't help but smile in relief and amusement when his back is on you. You really are one adorable person.

Dazai:

The D in Dazai stands for ✨ Drama ✨

Jokes aside, as confident as he seems, he's a lot more insecure than you think, so deep down he has already jumped to the worst possible conclusion the moment he saw you in a huge shirt that could've only come from another man.

Then again, he doesn't want to straight-up accuse you of things you (hopefully) did not commit, so he masks his accusation with high-quality drama that'll definitely cover up the suspicion he had.

*gAsp* "No...it can't be...hAS MY DEAR Y/N FOUND ANOTHER MAN TO BE WITH?! AND IN SECRET TOO!! HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO ME?!!"

Not comprehending the humour, you blink in utter confusion at his words. "...Dazai, it's my dad's shirt."

Dazai's dramatic shock gave way to confusion. "Your...dad's...?"

"Yeah. He outgrew it and didn't know what to do with it, so he gave it to me."

"Oh."

You have no idea how internally relieved Dazai was to hear that genuine answer of yours.

He's not letting you know that, though.

Instead, he ruffles your hair and teases you about it. "Hehehe, you should really wear something that you fit in, you look more like a dumpling than a human."

"Oh, shut up." <3

[dxwnstxr]

When they’re drunk

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Pairing: Dazai, Chuuya, Ranpo, Akutagawa, Nikolai x y/n (reader)

Genre: Smut

Warnings: Nsfw, dirty talk, oral, hickeys, creme-pie, sucking, making out, blow job, hand job, fingering, etc.

A/N: Requests are open!!!

Dazai

It takes him a lot to get drunk, so you don’t see it happen often. With him already being very flirty with you, when he’s drunk nothing really changes. Though, he does just randomly say things. He’ll tell you a bunch of his dirty thoughts, without thinking. When he does this, he turned you on without knowing.

You’ll shuffle you legs around while he talks beside you. Trying to distract yourself. But you don’t see him watching your every move and taking notice of your state.

He would slowly ease you into it. Dazai would make you beg no doubt. He’d help you, trying to get you off but then get turned on himself. He would listen to your begs and whimpers and decide he wouldn’t stop until all you can scream is his name.

Chuuya

Chuuya would almost instantly get drunk. Only just after a few sips, he would be tell you how much he loves you. He would shower you with affection. He would tell you how much he missed you while you were working and how touch starved he is.

He would grab your hand and show you were he want to be touched. He’d make you palm his growing erection. Laying back, he would watch you stroke his cock. He breathing would be unsteady. He would make you suck him off, shoving his length in your mouth.

Chuuya would defend whimper while drunk. When sober, he doesn’t want to seem week and vulnerable. But when drunk, his guard is let down. He would make sure to finish in your mouth so he could see his cum dripping from the side of your lips. Don’t worry though, he’ll definitely return the favor.

Ranpo

Sweet little Ranpo wouldn’t know what to do. His hormones would be all over the place. You decide to help him with his “problem”. He wouldn’t know what your talking about when you mention your idea. So you decide to just show him. He would get extremely shy about you seeing him bare but he trusts you.

Poor guy would be very sensitive to your touch. He was always busy with being with friends, work, or snacks. So dealing with these kind of problems never slipped his mind. Ranpo would cum quickly due to the new feeling. He would get scared at the feeling of getting close but you would ease his worry and tell him to let it all out. He would release on his stomach and you would lick it all up making him whimper.

You wanted to see more of his cute expressions. You would go down on him, showing him what to do. Ranpo would whimper and moan your name, telling you how good it feels. Of course, you wanted to see how far he could go.

Akutagawa

Your boyfriend would only ever drink when he was extremely angry after arguing with you. It never happened often because he was always working, but you told him you wanted to spend time with him and help him with work which angered him. He told you he wanted to show he was useful without your help.

He would drink away his anger, losing track of how many bottles he’s gone through. The pent up stress and anger went straight to his dick. He knew about getting off and how to do it but he never really had the time. You would come over to his house to apologize and he would instantly press his lips against yours. He needed a way to take away the hard painful feeling he had in his lower region.

He would put you on his lap and keep his hands on yours ass. You would get the hint and start grinding on his cock. Akutagawa would groan and lean back. He would let you do most of the work. Besides, you wouldn’t want his to go into a coughing fit.

Nikolai

This man would do anything you were up for when drunk. ANYTHING. Knife play, choking, dirty talk, pet names, bondage, certain positions, gun play, you name it. He just love feeling the pleasure of seeing your fucked out expressions. Just seeing you like that make him on a high.

All you would have to do is ask and he would fuck you into tomorrow. Thought his personal favorite was watching you go down of his dick. He would put one arm behind his head and the other hand would rest on your ass. He loves watching your breasts move along with your rhythm, and the way he cock disappears and reappears every time you bounce on him.

He would squeeze every part of you; tits, ass, hips, and more. He loved sticking his fingers in your mouth and watch you release on him. He felt like you had him in a grip hold. And he loved every second of it.

[strawberrystealer]

Bungo Stray Dogs- What I think they’d do if someone kidnapped you

Characters: Fyodor, Nikolai, Sigma, and Akutagawa

For some reason I think about this a lot sooo why not write about it!

Fyodor- 

Angry, upset, annoyed, all of those would be understatements

The pure rage that would fill this mans body once he gets the news-

If he saw like a letter or something thats like “Ayo we got ur bae come get them or they die lmaooo #livelaughlove” But a lot more sinister and stuff he’d go straight there and uhhh

Basically kill everyone there using his ability of course

He’d be so quick about it too, like drop everything he was doing and go straight there

Once he’s at the place in like the span of a few seconds everyone’s already dead and he goes over to you and idk takes off your blind fold or whatever they have on you

He becomes the softest man you’ve ever seen just for that moment cuz he doesn’t know what you’ve been through and he doesn’t want to cause you anymore pain

Once you two get home he’ll run a bath for you or something and stay by your side

He’ll make sure no one ever touches you again, he can’t ever risk losing you.

Nikolai- 

I bet he’d be like coming home all cheerful, ready to come mess with you or something and... you’re not on the couch.

Not in your room, the bathroom, anywhere

The smile immediately drops from his face and he gets worried

But then again he probably does this all the time so he texts you and you don’t respond??

Now he’s 10 times more worried than he was before!

Probably not a lot tho cuz he probably knows where you are

If thats the case then he just goes the the location and pays you a lil visit

Knocks on the door like a gentleman ofc 

But when they open it-

BOOM

“QUIZ TIME!!! Where’s my lovely little s/o?? Can you guess??” And he looks over and sees you inside the house.

Then he’d immediately kill move the kind gentleman into a burning fire! So sweet ik

He’d get to you and ofc be worried but once he finds out you’re okay he’ll be fine and back to his normal goofy self 

Unless you want the more realistic take where he cant stop thinking about it and thinks its his fault for weeks but is also trying to rid himself of emotions so ofc he cant be scared or guilty so he’s constantly battling himself on whether or not its his fault and if you still even like you because he might not have been there just in time to save you.

Sigma- 

He’d be so unbelievably worried 

He wouldn’t know who did it, why, how, or anything and he’d be just as confused as you probably are 

He’d probably have to ask for help, contemplate calling the cops but then realizes hes fr a terrorist he cant do that-

So he asks Fyodor for help and after a bit of pleading Fyodor gives him the location of where you and your abductor are

Once Sigma gets there, with some guns he’s probably scared to use, he sees the man that kidnapped you

Its gonna be like “if you give me ur casino ill give u your s/o” type of shit (super unrealistic but its all I can think of rn)

So obviously ur man isnt having that and shoots him

I mean he had no problem shooting that red haired girl (whatever her name is in the hunting dogs) so he probably wouldn’t have a problem killing some weak guy to get his lover back

Once he gets you safe he’ll keep asking if you’re okay alllll the time just because he’s so scared

“Darling are you sure you’re okay?? He seemed really scary... he didn’t hurt you did he? Do you need any bandages?”

Akutagawa- 

He looks completely unfazed

Like he’ll read some letter telling him to come get you or you die and be like “...Ugh not this again” 

He will get you though

And he is slightly scared but not really because he knows you’ll be fine once he gets you

When he gets to the place he doesn’t even knock on the door

He just punches a big ass hole in it with his ability and goes through it 

Also kills your abductor<3

Once he gets you he’s quiet

He’ll lightly hug you, glad your alive and the drive home will be silent

He’s considering weather he should be all “you’re so weak how’d you even get kidnapped” or “are you okay? ... He didn’t do any physical abuse to you, correct?” But both of them sound weird to him so he’s silent

When you get home he’ll prepare anything you wish

Tea? Dinner? Blankets? Anything, he’ll do for you

He does love you and he was very worried its just he has a poor way of showing it, thats all :)

[nxathyx]

Bsd boys with a sassy reader

Chuuya Nakahara x gn!reader, Dazai Osamu x Gn!Reader, Nikolai Gogol x Gn!reader, Fyodor Dostoyevski x Gn!reader, Sigma x Gn!reader, Akutagawa Ryuunoske x gn!reader

More so with a reader who is good at insulting, back talking ect.

Trigger warnings: insults, cursing, a guy trying to hit on/harras reader but they pop and lock (girlboss besties), mentions of su!cide (on Dazais part, jealousy, mentions of alcohol and clubs/bars, slander, ooc, Let Me know if I missed anything

Chuuya Nakahara

°HE FUCKING ADORES HOW SASSY YOU ARE!!

°he wouldn't admit it but finds it so attractive and straight up admires you when you put someone in their place and or stand up for yourself

°would definitely praise you for it

°if he wasn't as prideful as he is mf would straight up be on his knees worshiping you and your words of degrading

°if y'all ever argued it'd just be you being your sassy ass self and him being like 🤨🙄😃😧😰 (progressively regretting his decisions)

Let's set the scene first shall we? You and Chuuya were currently in a club/bar. You were just engaging in a casual conversation with your boyfriend sipping on your alcoholic beverage of choice (or literally anything if you don't drink). You were having a swell time just enjoying that Chuuya finally had some free time from work, that is until this man came up to you, he wasn't necessarily bad looking, but he was very average and basic to say the least. Chuuya glanced at the male but not speaking anything of it.

"hey, cutie~ how about I show you a fun time, just you, and me alone in bed~

You didn't even spare him a glance, replying bluntly and shortly

"fuck off, im not interested"

The man looked at you with a smirk, totally ignoring Chuuyas presence. Nakahara felt disappointed, disgusted even by the mere nerve that guy had, but sighed and continued to sip on his wine

"a little bit of attitude I see, that's such a turn on baby.."

It was quite clear the individual was intoxicated, you finally glanced at him with a sigh

"shame your such a turn off, with that cheap ass target shirt" (I love target don't come for me😭😭

The male got rather angered by how you spoke to him and were barely even batting an eye at him. Chuuya was grinning just watching the interaction watching you insult this lowlife with no mercy

"aw, come on.. Don't be like that, let me give you a fun experience and a night to remember"

"a night to remember is when you'll fuck yourself on a chainsaw you pathetic lowlife, get your horny ass together, get a proper job, focus on yourself and be respectful that way you might actually get some bitches in your life"

To say the least, the man wasn't too happy, his hand snaking around your waist, your natural instinct of self defence kicking in as you kick him in the shin

"what was that for you bitch?!"

He asked, seeming pissed of at you, at this point Chuuya has had enough and stood up, standing between you and the guy

"can you piss off? They're not interested nor available, jackass"

The fucker simply ignored Chuuya and tried again

At that point Chuuya got fed up with him, slapping him and leaving the place. As soon as you two got home he was by your side making sure you're alright <3

Dazai Osamu

°he lives for your sassiness

°imagine if you both work at the detective agency and Kunikida is scolding him and then you just back talk, not even bothering to look at them

°motherfucker Was like awooga awooga let me rearrange your insides babygirl😻😻

°definetly finds that really fucking attractive

°will proudly stand right beside you like "yes. That's my s/o. Yes, they're a bitch, and I love them"

You and Osamu were currently in the agency office, you were filling in some papers, whilst Dazai was getting scolded by Kunikida like most days. You weren't paying much attention to why he was getting told off, but you assumed it was because of one of his daily shenanigans, like jumping into a river mid mission, or giving Kunikida fake facts and or advice causing pages from Kunikidas notebook being ripped or scratched out by the ink. After a few more scolding words from Kunikida, you're boyfriend went behind you, hiding behind your office chair, you hummed a little "Hm?" as Dazai proceeded to explain that Kunikidas scolding is pointless cause he hasn't done anything wrong, however most of it was muffled due to Kunikidas continued scolding over the desk, it was insufferable to hear as you turned to Kunikida

"can you respectfully shut up?"

Kunikida just looked at you completely surprised, Dazai on the other hand had a grin, falling on his knees in an almost comedic manner before you asking when it's his time to hear such degrading words from you

Nikolai Gogol

°does his silly goofy little grins

°pulls pranks on Decay members and uses you to do all the "explaining"

°annoys you as much as possible using his ability just to see you get all sassy

You were currently laying on the couch, in the living room, it was pretty early in the morning and you haven't ate breakfast yet. You were home alone, your partner doing god knows what, and you preferred to not know. You stood up from the couch to go make yourself some breakfast, you were in the mood for something sweet, so you decided on pancakes, grabbing butter to melt on the pan later, milk, flour, sugar, and.. You just looked at the content of the fridge, confused why it lacked the eggs, you could've sworn there was at least half a carton left yesterday, you sighed realising you either have to go to the store or just make something else, you sighed softly once more looking into the fridge, grabbing some jam, putting the flour and sugar back, before sliding a bit on your socks to put the milk and butter back in the fridge, just looking even more confused due to the eggs suddenly appearing, realising it was probably the jester playing tricks on you, grabbing the eggs quite quickly so they don't dissappear once more. You placed all the ingredients on the counter once more, beginning to make the batter, you were about to pour the batter on the pan, before noticing a small yellow portal, taking the pan in with a red gloved hand, sighing once more you said a little.

"I'll chop your dick off and dismember your head with that pan if you don't give it back"

Nikolai poked his head out a bit with a smug grin, holding the pan up, by the center but instead of the handle, causing him to burn his hand and getting a bit of the melted butter on his palm, dropping the pan onto the floor with a loud sound of metal hitting something. Although the sound wasn't pleasant at all you got to laugh at your boyfriend for being a little stupid fucking idiot

Fyodor Dostoyevski

°THIS FUCKER IS SO SMUG ABOUT IT

°if you ever Insult Dazai he'll give you like 5 countries

°if he truly loves you that is

°if not he'll Stil probably find it amusing, you might even get a little giggle out of him

°would definetly be sassy towards you as well

Fyodor was currently in his office (discord mod cave) , eyeing like 5 fucking monitors at the same time.

"Fedya, come out of your rat infested room already"

You said a bit irritated by the fact he's been there for like a week, not even bothering to come out for basic necessities, at this point you were even wondering where the hell he pisses— not important. It seems he has ignored you calling out for him. You opened the door, you wanted to ruffle his hair but just looked at that and almost gagged

"you look like an oiled up pan.. You better fucking wash that, I doubt even lice would want to be there"

And after saying that you left the room, leaving a confused Fyodor, who just sat there processing what the fuck you just said

Sigma

°okay Mr 3-4x bullcut would be nervous asf

°like he's scared you'll end up in a fight from the way you talk with others

°finds it humouring if you insult Gogol though

°would love hearing you insult everyone, in private

You were standing next to a machine in the casino, leaning your side against it until a fairly attractive female came up to you

"are you going to keep standing here and hogging the machine so no one can use it? Or will you move your damn self some where else?"

You were a bit stunned by the sudden hostility but slightly impressed and even amused

"i know damn Well your not talking to me with that 3$ wig your wearing right now, and don't even get me started on those earrings and necklace your wearing, like girl, did you grab those of a Christmas tree?"

The girl turned around on her heel, a few minutes later the number you had got called into the managers office. You walk in to notice Sigma trying to look stoic and not at all nervous, making you snicker a bit. Sigma turned to the woman and told her she's free to leave and he'll take it from here, the girl gave you a smirk as she left as if she just won millions, making you almost choke trying not to laugh

"dear.. Please stop being rude to my clients—"

"well your clients are bitches"

The discussion continued for a bit ending in you nuzzling your head against Sigmas neck as he continued to do his paperwork.

Akutagawa Ryuunoske

°this man is as sassy as you like oml

°don't say anything about Dazai, Gin or Chuuya though, or just people he generally respects

°feel free to talk as much shit as you want about Atsushi though

°if you ever tell Higuchi off he'll find it very amusing

°y'all definetly try to out sass each other

You and Aku were currently laying in bed, you were talking about someone at your work place that has been annoying you lately. You were insulting them freely, not bothered by the fact Akutagawa was trying to fall asleep, not until he told you to shut up, which ended in endless sassy comments going back and forth between the two of you as well as you a bit curled over in laughter and Akutagawa trying to hold back a snicker

I nnot proud of this but spent too much fucking time writing this and didn't even finish 💀💀

[starlightshadowsworld]

Honestly if Atsushi does get transferred after this, good fucking luck to Mori.

In Fifteen this man thought Dazai was a loose cannon and that was before he lost the people who meant everything to him. He’s going to see Atsushi and immediately hear warning alarms.

Now 18 year old Atsushi may be a hell of a lot nicer than 18 year old Dazai. But oh man is he going to be going through so much worse.

No matter what to happens after this point (117) even if it’s reversed like I think it will be, Atsushi is objectively scarred for life. He is already blaming himself and we’re still in the middle of this shit.

If Atsushi shows up to the Port Mafia he’s going to with no fucks left to give. He’s got no restraint, nothing to lose and depending on whatever happens to Fukuzawa this could also apply to the tiger.

And he also thinks all of this is all his fault and probably hates himself on a level we haven’t seen since Q. Lowest point in his life and he’s walking straight into the Port Mafia.

Atsushi might not gun down a man and shoot him till after he’s dead but he might just annihilate anyone who gets in his path. He’s not Akutagawa, he never made a vow against committing murder.

I’ve said it before that Atsushi is the flower born into darkness that Kouyou was talking about. He’s a kind person but he was born and raised in hell on earth. Atsushi knows how to survive in a pit of despair.

He’s been unwillingly abandoned and it’s definitely not the first time he’s been left on his own. And I think the Port Mafia are gonna have their hands full. The only reason they survived Dazai is because Dazai let them live.

If they stand in Atsushi’s way to stop this, to fix things well he might just earn his moniker of man eating tiger.

Dazai’s eyes were cold and black and Atsushi’s are already beginning to darken.

[anticidic]

Just thinking about how utterly tragic Soukoku is in Beast verse. Like, Beastzai has foresight of their original world and he knows what his relationship is like with Chuuya there. Despite their bickering they still look out for one another in the original world. There's no real miscommunication or doubt between them. They're always shown on the same wavelength.

But, man. In Beast until the bitter end he carries the belief that they are nowhere as close as they are in the original world. Chuuya has expressed trust issues with corruption and Beastzai had to straight up stab himself to otherwise manipulate Chuuya. Then the fact that after Beastzai's death Chuuya just...snaps.

Maybe in Beastzai's mind he wanted to keep Chuuya at arm's length in anticipation of when his time would come to an end to make it seemingly easier for Chuuya to take over, but at the same time that just also seems so weird. They knew each other for years still in Beast before Dazai became the leader.

I sometimes wonder about whether or not what Beastzai said was true about only three people max can know about there being alternate universes stemming from the book. It could be true, but it also seems oddly convenient. Fyodor's been hinted at in Beast, and considering what's going on currently in the manga, I wonder if with the tripolar singularity—specifically amenogozen—that would've allowed him to gain knowledge of the other worlds.

Because then that would mean more than three people already knew at the time of Beastzai's death.

It's all still just weird. I get this heavy feeling of what could've been avoided if, you know, Beastzai didn't suck at communicating. I guess technically telling Chuuya about the other world was useless if he really could only tell two others, so Akutagawa and Atsushi were the best candidates as Beastzai pushed them together to form Beast Shin Soukoku.

Though I feel like if that's the case, with the foresight Beastzai had into his relationship with Chuuya in the original world, why he'd expect Beastchuu to accept his death so casually. Yeah, Chuuya's no stranger to death around him, but they all still affect him whether it's his subordinates or friends dying.

Or maybe after he died, since that's one less person alive with the knowledge, he thought maybe Atsushi would pass it on to Chuuya.

I DON'T KNOW. Still makes me sad all the same.

But I definitely don't think he anticipated Chuuya going berserk and declaring war on the ADA. It's ironic in a bitter way that Beastzai could anticipate everything that would happen in their world because of what was going on in the original world, yet he tunnel visions and fails to account for the person closest to him.

In Beastzai's attempt to create a better alternate world, he doomed it at the same time.