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mythvoiced · 2 years

Note

Slides in here because I’M ALWAYS READY TO ASK ALL THE THINGS ABOUT YOUR MUSES, THANK YOU FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY (I hope they’re okay; thank you for liking the post 💖🥺❤)

These are for Patrick (WE LOVE, WE RESPECT, WE!!!):

Patrick has lived many lives, has experienced different circumstances throughout the centuries. Is there a life he remembers the most? Does he have a life that perhaps was…better, compared to the others? What about a life he detests remembering? Or perhaps a life that feels more painful than others?

Does he remember everything through exact phases or periods of time (an ‘organized’ memory, so to speak), or does he remember everything like a bucket full of memories, in a way that if you spill it, they’re going to be all scattered or out of place, perhaps like pictures with the date on the back?

Does he ever think about ‘day zero’, about the day when it all started? Does he…wish he could possess ancient powers that he cannot use anymore, for being in ‘human’ form? Or, does he think he’s better off the way he is now?

Is he afraid about the future? About this never-ending cycle, about knowing that there will be no rest for him, even if his current body dies? Or maybe he’s just used to this the point that he’s become numb?

What happens when he grows terribly fond of someone? Does he remember these people? And if he does, has he ever tried to find them even when being under another body or identity? Would he dare to reveal his identity to someone, as to find them in the next life?

@jeoseungsaja | making me weep yes I know I liked the post but still how can anyone be this kind and awesome and genius and-

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Patrick has lived many lives, has experienced different circumstances throughout the centuries. Is there a life he remembers the most? Does he have a life that perhaps was…better, compared to the others? What about a life he detests remembering? Or perhaps a life that feels more painful than others?

Alex, oh my god I love you so- SO, I’ve got a bunch of stuff developed, established, and/or settled in regards to his memories, and how he remembers things and whatnot, and will get into it more in the appropriate bullet point, BUT fact is that the life he recalls most is usually the one directly preceding the one he’s currently living? So, in the case of Patrick’s particular incarnation, it would be Katrina, he’s in his early 30s right now, imagine someone in their late 40s recalling their youth, it’s easier than someone in their late 80s doing it. BUT it is also true that a life or two, an incarnation or so, might be more poignant in its impact on himself, or the mess he did, or characterised by some particularity that makes it stand out ever so slightly in his memories, but this status-wise; in terms of clear memories, it’s Katrina as explained. YES he does have not too specific outlooks on past incarnations, because as the years pass, so does his perception, Patrick appreciates Serafima’s life, and Edward couldn’t have loathed it more, it’s all about the mental state and gears of the given incarnation. Patrick, personally, as he stands now, and working with the lives already developed, would probably not be able to give a clear answer to one he finds better than the others, because his answer varies too depending on his mental state. His most likely answer would be Héng, because it’s the one he remembers the least, and he knows that Héng lived without ever recalling his past as Fenrir, which he can only assume to have been a blessing. In terms of detesting, Emanuele leaves a very bad taste in his mouth, I don’t want to word vomit all over the place since I am already in the process of it, but he feels particularly... cheated, in this one? He’s not too fond of most lives, he collects regrets as if he was made for them, but while he has cynical appreciation for Edward, genuine appreciation for Natalie and Valentina, Emanuele (and in parts Serafima, which just goes to show how likely he is to contradict himself) are ones he struggles to move on from in positive notes. A life that feels more painful than others depends entirely on the type of pain considered, the easiest way to answer would be, whichever life he’s currently living, because he has to carry all the others along.

Does he remember everything through exact phases or periods of time (an ‘organized’ memory, so to speak), or does he remember everything like a bucket full of memories, in a way that if you spill it, they’re going to be all scattered or out of place, perhaps like pictures with the date on the back?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS QUESTION?? I WANT TO CRY, IT’S, this is actually one of the first things I spent longer on, development-wise, I remember this fkcer is as old as your blog (2013 kids, shoutout-), and the way his memories work was truly one of the first things I went ham on, AND THE LATTER IS PRECISELY HOW IT WORKS? Firstly, my god I love the way you phrase things, never going to stop saying this, second, YES, it’s a bucket full of memories. His hyperthemesia isn’t... the actual kind, the actual condition, like the one the most wondrous and charming Domenic Lachlan has. It’s a way for me to put into ‘human’ words what Patrick has to deal with, a bucket full of memories, a bucket full of pictures with dates on the back, the further back he has to go in terms of memories, the more he has to dig, here a canon example: the ring Patrick wears is one he’s had a while, and I mean a while while, and since it’s a ring, it doesn’t always remain safely tucked away for the new incarnation to find. Eddie, for example, lost it, and Patrick had to dig through Katrina and Jungsoo’s memories before he could reach Ed’s (only to then discover he’s had it til he died, which means someone else took it from his body, and-). SO IT’S, you’re walking through a jungle and walk a path, but the footprints you just walked are always clearer than the ones miles in the other direction through the foliage. Reaching back for these memories isn’t painful, it used to be before I changed my mind on it, but it can be stressful, and only painful because of the stress and tension it potentially causes. Memories will flood in on their own when they’re triggered, he can’t just not remember, and it can get overwhelming if he’s getting twenty different 'flashbacks’ at once.

Does he ever think about ‘day zero’, about the day when it all started? Does he…wish he could possess ancient powers that he cannot use anymore, for being in ‘human’ form? Or, does he think he’s better off the way he is now?

OOOH, plenty. It’s one of those things he thinks about a lot more than others, but is least likely to vocalise. He doesn’t ever speak of his memories, actually, they rarely come up in conversations naturally, and his distaste towards sharing personal information as a concept, usually keeps him from really introducing any past life into a conversation. Which makes it interesting when things do come up and his answer to the question ‘How did you know that?’ is ‘Oh, I kidnapped a noblewoman in 1817, a walking encyclopedia of her time, got married to my first mate, quite the wedding.’ BUT YES, to get back on track, day zero (oh my god I love that so much), is on his mind a lot and his feelings in regards to it are sort of...? They’re different than him thinking back on other incarnations, every incarnation feels closest to that life, that first original existence, than anything that came directly before them. He does wish he could possess the might he used to have, but not necessarily because he thinks he’s worse off now, but because he wants it all back. Contrary to what he might vocalise, Patrick does miss having a body that is truly entirely his own, and an existence that is, same way, truly entirely his own. In his core, in his heart, he is still Fenrir, differently shaped and wrongly placed. He does rationally consider himself better off now because he knows more, he’s wittier, more resourceful, better at hiding, less of a target. But the heart isn’t rational.

Is he afraid about the future? About this never-ending cycle, about knowing that there will be no rest for him, even if his current body dies? Or maybe he’s just used to this the point that he’s become numb?

Terrified. He tries, each time, each day, whether or not his death is approaching, to make his peace with how things are, to finally grow used to matters as they are, mostly by faking it, lying to himself twice, ten times as aggressively as he would to anybody else. But it doesn’t work. It doesn’t stick. Edward was a cynical, suicidal bastard and in the last few seconds before his death he was overcome with none of the bravado and thoughts he’d nurtured up until that point, but rather with the utter soul-crushing exhaustion and teary desperation of knowing that there is no way out. Every life tries to hope this might be the last one, every life tries to act differently in contrast to the ones before to see if that maybe does the trick (contrast Serafima and Edward, for one, Serafima tried to be gentle and kind, but reserved, didn’t work, Edward was so enraged by that that he doubled down on the opposite end of the spectrum). He tries to become numb, but it will always hit him, all of them. It’s interesting to consider because he doesn’t want to live but he doesn’t want to die if this is what death is: life.

What happens when he grows terribly fond of someone? Does he remember these people? And if he does, has he ever tried to find them even when being under another body or identity? Would he dare to reveal his identity to someone, as to find them in the next life?

HE HAS AND WILL! He’s a mess and collects affections like traumas. Philip and Constance, Natalie’s first mate and his wife, respectively; Johnathan Ferriero, Eddie’s right-hand-man; Serafima’s maid, Anya; Matthias’ partner in crime, unnamed for now; the dama Valentina worked for; every person he has ever grown fond of sticks to his insides like scars, and they mostly end up in amounts of trouble unparalleled by those who don’t have to meet him or any of his incarnations. He tries to keep from forging connections, but it’s one of those things that doesn’t really work, that he struggles with, because he can’t keep his nose out of stuff, because if he meets a heart that is kind he can’t help but want to help. Lately, he’s been connecting more with immortals, or people who simply live that much longer. BUT YES, he absolutely does remember these people, even though he’d much rather not. He has never tried to find them when in a new body/identity, because he doesn’t know how he’d explain that, doesn’t want to see how they are, doesn’t want to see how much they might be suffering because of his impact on their life, and because he cannot mentally take showing up with twenty new baggages to someone who used to know him completely differently. But, things usually work morbidly in his favour, because of all the people I’ve mentioned, none of them survived much longer than he did. Constance and Philip died on the same day Natalie died; Jackie (Ferriero) perished a few days after him because of wounds gained on the same day as him, with him; Serafima’s maid was killed alongside her; Matthias and his friend were executed together; Valentina’s señora who treated her like her own child, was middle aged and exceeding when Valentina was hanged and didn’t live much longer, not to mention long enough for Natalie to have taken over a ship and made her way over. AS for his identity, it’s not as unlikely for him to reveal his identity as I’d initially thought. He’s not that adamant on keeping it hidden, or rather, he keeps it as hidden as every other facet of his being that he can, it’s a secret along with all the other secrets. But given, say, particular connections such as Ajay, the moment might come. He will not set it up and he will not be happy, and he will not be incredibly detailed either. I’ve explored this concept before, in potential storylines that I might be interested in or just for development purposes, and Patrick would most likely outline the general concept of the curse, maybe who he was at the start, but nothing more detailed than that. You can try prying it out of him, but the more you prod, the more he’ll deviate, the more he’s likely to never mention it again.

#jeoseungsaja #the wolf;about #not to say that i am ready to drop everything i'm doing to use my bare hands to take the sun from the sky and give it to you #but that is precisely what i'm saying BECAUSE YES MAYBE I WAS THE ONE TO LIKE THE POST BUT?? WHO MADE THE POST--#precisely absolutely correct it was Alex and LOOK AT THIS AND THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO FRICKING--- OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR MIND I LOVE YOU-#the most SHOCKING part about this is that I?? FOR ONCE IN MY TUMBLR CAREER I ACTUALLY HAD ALL THE ANSWERS #suicidal cw #i had to put it under a read more because I just WOULDN'T SHUT UP #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING THESE THINGS? I'M GENUINELY WEEPING IT'S-- IT'S STUFF I--#I don't know how you did it because this is all stuff I so often think about in Patrick's regards LIKE THIS IS ALL SUPER IMPORTANT STUFF #TO HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER AND HOW DID YOU-- AND THE WAY YOU ASKED AND THE QUESTIONS THEMSELVES THANK YOU SO #I HOPE THERE IS? I HOPE IT'S POTENTIALLY SOMEWHAT INTERESTING? THANK YOU SO ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;#;queue

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