#all i see is a symptom of an illness im doing nothing to treat

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[eddies-house]

TW: mentions of bad mental health

im imagining eddie being absolutley taken back when he finds out how people have previously treated you resulting in hesitation when being vulnerable with him.

and he's been through some shit, he's not exactly one to be voluntarily vulnerable either but with the tables turned it's like a moment of oh. like you're hiding from him, muddling your own emotions as a means to keep the peace.

he realizes that coming in strong, asking "what's wrong?" almost too oboxiously like he's previously done, only chases you further into your mind, it only insinuates that there are consquences if you were to answer so rather than being met with honesty, it's always "nothing" followed by forced smiles and sucked back tears that he's regrettably brushed off in those moments, trying to keep you comfortable. but while his intention to ease your chaotic mind by simply moving on had no ill intent, he soon recognizes the harm its caused and the pattern he's assisted in creating.

realizes he takes it far too personal when you shut down on those particularily bad days, thinks it's cause of him, only to contribute to the self destruction taking place in your mind when he continuously begs the questions "what's wrong?" "what do you want me to do?" "what can I do?" "come on, tell me what's wrong". he never understood that he was never the issue but he quickly made himself into one by nearly berating and prodding you with his questions. and then one day he sees it. sees the way your eyes go dull when he asks.

sees the front you put on, "everything's okay" while your lip wobbles. he doesn't take it personal this time, there's nothing distracting him from the obvious signs, the symptoms of broken hearted individual struggling to keep up despite the aches and pains that linger within. its a heartbreak he's so familiar with yet seems to be so blind to in others, thinking he's the only one to experience it, not selfishly but hopefully. so he straightens up and silently tells himself to quit all of his bitching because this is bigger than him, it's not because of him. you need him and he's been too insecure to think that maybe words aren't required, not by you anyway. there is no quick fix, no remedy to just stop the pain like popping an ibprofen or slapping on a bandaid, it just is. raw pain and vulnerability that should be allowed to be felt, not cured.

so this time, he recognizes the wall you put up, just like every other time though it was previously ignored. before he can even say anything, he knows you're anticipating his bombarding questions that have no answer. sees the way you tense up, the slight panic in the way your fingers tremble at the prospect of being figured out. except this time he speaks softly, a shake in his voice because he's terrifed to scare you off once again. says "i love you" then gently wraps you up in his arms, provides a barrier between you and the world you're at war with.

holds you on the kitchen floor, face pressed to his chest with a mixture of tears and snot.

runs his fingers down your spine delicately.

whispers "it's okay" when he knows it is in fact not, only hoping you're able to decipher that he means it's okay that you're not okay, it's okay that it's 1AM and while the world is asleep you're both tangled up on top of crumbs and possible neglected coffee stains

apologizes.

because for all those times you've coaxed him through an unwarranted episode, he's been neglecting you at your worst. not on purpose but it's neglect nontheless. and he knows all about it.

sings under his breath when the sobs have stopped wreaking havoc on your body. quiet hums of a familiar song, you are my sunshine.

tucks you into bed, makes you a late night snack cause he knows your appetite fails you in times like these, kisses your forehead and threads his fingers through your hair.

he's not perfect nor has he ever desired being held to such a high standard. but for you he wants to try.

[sonicattos]

Ok I apologize for how long this is but I read your post about npd and I have some thoughts I want to share. First, yeah that screenshot is gross and ableist. With ya on that. Making fun of someone for having a disorder is wrong, full stop. Also, I agree that it's wrong to call someone narcissistic just because they're abusive. Not all abusers are narcissists and vice versa.

HOWEVER. Many of the symptoms of clinical narcissism relate to how people interact with others. And the reason they are regarded as "symptoms" is because truly narcissistic folks relate to others in an abusive way. If people with narcissism did not typically display abusive and/or manipulative behavior they would have nothing to be diagnosed with.

I'm a victim of abuse by a narcissistic person. (Notice I don't say they have NPD. I'm not "armchair diagnosing for sympathy" here.) That person was not simply abusive for no reason. They were abusive BECAUSE they had narcissistic traits such as having little regard for others. I genuinely fail to see how saying this would be hateful or ableist. I can tell that you feel very passionate about this, but as someone who has been on the receiving end of abuse by a narcissistic person, I feel that your post is implying that this kind of abuse doesn't exist, or worse, that people who say they have suffered it are making it up. I know there are a LOT of people who throw around the term narcissist and don't know what they're talking about. But there are also people who truly have been abused by narcissists. And they're not lying for attention.

Don't feel pressured to respond and I apologize for the wall of text. I just have strong feelings about the subject and wanted to share.

1) please don’t take words from my mouth. i never. EVER. said that the abused are making up being abused. i come from a very abusive household that i STILL live in. my mom and my sister used to fucking beat me. i was starved. i was denied any medical help for illness. im isolated. i was groomed into believing that i was more mature than i was and wasn’t treated with the care a child could have. i was and still am constantly told how useless i am and how my mental/physical issues are my fault. my parents never cared and only did things that benefit themselves. i would never deny that someone could hurt someone and i never had. jesus fucking christ.

2) i study psychology. i know i can’t just prove that by saying it but you have to take my word for it i genuinely look deep into this stuff, as it’s a special interest of mine. you come from a place of ignorance of the situation as a whole. never call someone with “narcissistic traits” (aka abusive traits) a narcissist. it’s a medical term. again. call it what it is: abuse. there are other ways to describe that abuse than labeling it as such. narcissism is supposed to be a neutral term to describe traits of npd, not how someone is acting.

3) no. you don’t have to be abusive to be diagnosed with npd. there are many symptoms and tendencies that come with the disorder and it’s also a spectrum just like any other disorder.

npd describes a disorder of someone who has an inflated self-importance. besides putting others down to lift themselves up, they can also try to lift themselves up in a way that’s unrealistic or may seem “prideful”, try getting other’s attention by doing something good or dramatic. narcissism comes from a place of abuse from their elders, either emotional neglect or lack of teaching of responsibility. it affects those who lack empathy or even other mental illness’, which again, doesn’t mean you are an abuser or a bad person.

how would they get diagnosed? perhaps they’re hurting themselves. maybe they have constant breakdowns for not getting attention. etc. a dramatic event of abuse doesn’t have to happen for a psychologist to figure out someone has npd.

4) the entire point of the post is to tell fucking people to stop using a word that they learned on the internet and didn’t look up what it meant maybe besides the fucking saneist articles vilifying narcissistic people instead of educating one what the disorder actually is.

people with npd deserve sympathy as much as any other person. they deserve help and awareness as well. narcissism isn’t a word to pass around like table salt. it’s a real thing that people suffer with. they’re hurt. they believe if they don’t do something that they’re not worth anything. yes a lot of them become abusers because people who are abusive have most likely been abused. but not every person who’s been abused is abusive.

[gxddessliving]

ignoring the 3D - my story

let me share a story with you.

when i used to have anxiety attacks constantly- among my symptoms - there'd days i'd be feeling very ill, sometimes to the point where simply standing felt like the worst task for me. when i was taken to the hospital however, the doctors ran a million tests on me and truthfully found nothing and deduced it to physical symptoms of anxiety- but i was sure something was wrong and they had to be lying or not doing their job efficiently. i assumed the healthcare and doctors in my country were sub-par and no matter what something was definitely wrong.. (despite several blood test reports stating the opposite and proving i had a clean bill of health) . thankfully, although symptoms continued for a bit, nothing was actually wrong ..

this isn't the case anymore thankfully !

the point im trying to make is- no matter what i saw, what people literal medical professionals were saying, what was evident to my senses (the 3d reality) - i still persisted in my assumption that something was wrong. thankfully it did not manifest into any definable illness- but the symptoms continued whereas someone else's most likely would have stopped after the doctors' report that it was anxiety that simply needed some valium to be treated.

so my loves, ignoring the 3d isn't really pretending not to see or hear-. you have the senses of sight, touch, smell, hearing and taste. that's wonderful- because these senses are what we use to experience life to the fullest! it also isn't trying to imagine the 3d as something else. you know the truth is within, and the outer man simply follows. the 3d isn't your area of concern EVER.

the key, for me at least, is not identifying with the 3d.

the same way i didn't identify with being healthy and just having a lil anxiety.

you want to manifest black hair but you're naturally blonde ? ok im seeing blonde hair in the mirror but i actually don't identify with this because um i have black hair ??? i have had black hair my entire life ??? i have no idea what that goofy ass mirror is talking about.

you see, you can't escape your senses- but you don't have to be a slave to them.

the old man (old story) is dead- and we are brought to a new creation through imagination (of the new story). identification with that is all you need to fully experience that. isn't that amazing ?

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey man, its me again~

(If i may overwhelm you or anything just say so, i sometimes dont understand the limits of being too annoying)

So. Hehm. I got covid. And. I was sick for a few weeks but then yesterday it became very, very bad(i presume because of stress and overexaustion, as well as due to not taking care of myself properly..) to the point of not being able to hold a bottle. I felt kinda horrible, but until night that was only the start. I could only lay in bed, overheated, and ended up falling asleep midday and having hallucinations/nightmares at night. I woke up in tears after a supposedly silly goofy dream(caine×kinger (i just knew they were a couple) arguing, well, more like kinger being very, very mad for some reason and caine looking at him with his pathetic sad eyes while trying to argue back/explain himself. Also there was zooble looking all smug at The Camera like in Office in a way only an asshole weedsmoker would do, all relaxed. Oh also it was a Zombie Apocalypse au and kinger just had a big booty for no reason) and hyperventilating, it was horrifying for some reason(maybe because i love the guys... royalteeth<3). I was Very Delirious.(i am a bit better after finally being taken seriously and given medication after

Anyway i said all this only for you to know about the dream, i liked it very much in the end, yummy angst.

So i was wondering, maaay i please req a worried itward trying to force sick!reader to go to bed but they bluntly refuse because "I have WORK to do and people to TAKE CARE of! I don't care, am just.. a little under the weather, yes, but its nothing a warm tea later wont fix. So i need to- no, i am perfecty capeable-" <- said before falling over a coffe table half dressed, almost landing on Mr. Midnights fluffy butt. When they finally give in they're kinda clingy and a bit whiny("..do you still love me?"; *stumbles out of the room to get to itward who decided to get them some tea, scaring him shitless in the process* "can we hold hands? Please")

(The dream and other info has nothing to really do with the request and has no purpose but to tell you abt the silly scenario, you can just disregard it. Anyway i'm going to sleep good noight!!♡♡♡)

Itward x sick!stubborn!Reader!

IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LOKG TO GET TO THIS SOBS

That said I hope youre feeling better man :( sickness sucks!! I hate sickness!! Beats up the sickness!!!

Also I know I already said this when you checked your request status, but you're not overwhelming me or annoying me!! Get down with the silliness!!

Also look at this goofball, how he almost falls

Loser

(Gently holds)

I think that he would treat most sicknesses on the same level of seriousness; like sure he wouldn't panic if you had a simple fever or cold.. but he's going to be firm on you not overworking yourself

In fact its likely that he will bar you from chores and work for at least an entire day after all your symptoms die down

Very quickly notices that something is wrong with you. I mean itward looks over a bunch of kids and kids get sick all the time, so I think he can see the signs even before you're fully ill

Asks you if anything is wrong and offers to do some of your chores around the ship (and that's assuming he even assigned you any) as well as offer to run the errands you needed to do that day

Gentle but firm when talking to you and trying to keep you in bed

Like gently pushing you back into bed and covering you up in a blanket or two

"Yes yes, I know dear that you've got work to do... but please, I need you to rest... can you do that for me?" And other similar pleas

Hes making you soup when you wobble in and ask if hes mad at you; because his tone sounded a little stressed when he last talked to you

He cant even answer before you face plant onto the floor of the ship...

Immediately rushes to your side; which likely only takes about two steps for him thanks to his long legs.. scoops you up and just

In this gentle quiet voice reassures you that hes not angry. A little stressed out for you, but not angry

Key words, "for you", not "by you"

I would say for comic value he would tie you to bed, but I feel even itward wouldnt go down to those extremes (and this man can get a little silly. I mean he literally locked Fran in a room so he could make her a surprise birthday party. Itward can get a little intense, I think)

No instead I think he would just stick by your side to ensure you're actually resting

One of admin favorite tropes; character b is sick/very tired and in bed, character a who just put them to bed goes to leave only for b to grab their sleeve/hand/arm/whatever to stop them and just. "Plesse stay"

That happens with you two, I think

And most likely, if itward doesn't have anything super time sensitive or important to do, he will stay with you

Besides, hes a skeleton from another reality. What are the chances that a human sickness can spread to him?

Well that's assuming it's a sickness from the third reality and/or one that cant jump species

But shhh

Itward pretty much becomes a mother hen and tries to prevent you from doing anything that may make your symptoms worse.. as well as caring for you via making you food, keeping you hydrated, and even carryout you around if your legs are too weak to support you

[chaoticgremlinbrainspace]

✨im mentally ill about nightwing/dick Greyson once again ✨

Disclaimer: this is once again self indulgence and my grasp of canon vs Fanon is shaky. hear me out dick Greyson struggling with fatigue, especially because im insane and really like the adhd head canon so its like somedays everything is way too much but he continues on, head ache, missed breakfast, coffee doesn't work for him. all the fun things I just think it would be neat if as rightwing hes uses all his energy there keeping all the things hes doing running constant checking and double checking, reminders, every strategy in the book. so when it comes to his personal life he just has far less to give realistically but he tries anyway. hes constantly moving. I think it would also be silly goofy of him to have problems sleeping because a lot of people with adhd have trouble sleeping due to the brain not really turning off, along with other things that he might have because adhd us nothing if not a team player in terms of what you can pack with it in the mental illness lunch box. like restless leg syndrome. anyway I think dick having to slough through his regular life, constant headaches, fatigue, sleep problems, worsened symptoms would be neat ghrdinfsejd a little bit because im projecting I just feel like yeah I know hes a super hero and part of that means theyre more fantastical than a real person, I just think its neat to make him a bit more human. anyway, I just think dick is always on, all the time hes never off, like part of adhd at least for me is that being in public for a long time is fucking exhausting, I can hear and smell everything, my attention keeps drifting and the texture of my pants are off and I hate it. so I feel some days he just, sits in his apartment in the dark, because the lights are too harsh right now. I feel like he would struggle a bit with keeping personal relationships, especially if he doesn't see them for a while because adhd object permanence is garbage, but I feel like he would set so many reminders and shit. like adhd dick to me is just, over compensating to the point he runs himself into the ground, or going out with a bang(the emotions really can dysregulate). and like I think he would probably have undiagnosed adult adhd so its an extra layer of “there's something wrong with me other people can do this task with ease but I need like 13 alarms and I still haven't charged my phone and im have a depression spiral in the bath tub at 3 am and I haven't slept well in threee days but it's fine because im going out at some??? point shit I need to check my calendar, oh fuck I haven't eaten in a while, what was I thinking??” that and heavy ass brain fog on really bad days. bur also he would probably pump out a shit ton of like reports or smth in like 3 hours(this is from experience and observations, my mom who has adhd used to do the work of like 3 people before being medicated) that and  think dick would have the messiest house full of shit from pass hyper fixations, and lack of executive function(the dishes haunt his ass) which would feed into the 3 am depressive spirals. im just saying dicks got the superhero part of his life together but the civilian life is absolutely in shambles and the only reason it isn't all falling apart is the extreme anxiety and fear of failure/disappointment because agin RSD is a bitch. this also means  adhd dick Greyson has the habit of playing one song over and over again for hours until physically ill of the song. like I think dick would try to appear somewhat toether as a civilian (shoving shit in the closet anytime he has guests over, throwing things into huge garbage bags and then the closet, hiding shit under the bed, closing off rooms as off limits bc its full of garbage) because he doesn't want to be judged. like I think dick falling apart bit but being used to it is a silly goofy lil treat, for me <3. once again projecting onto him, I think he would space the fuck out during like commute, like hes still somewhat aware bc like bat training but also like ten thousand thoughts are fighting for dominance and the brain fog is coming in hard and this head ache wont leave and- anyway thank you for coming to my insane self indulgent ramblings about dick Greyson 

[psyce]

i think objectively i never liked being a girl and never felt like a girl and never got along well with girls and felt left out and sad and abandoned living that life. i was extremely happy being a man and having male friends and i still am and still will be but once a seed of doubt enters my mind and im in a bad place already it multiplies to no end and it makes my entire world an foundation come crashing down. i think maybe when im in a better place ill get back to feeling like that but as of right now i have no explanation or anyone to talk to about this, no way to rationalize it, no way to cope with it so theres nothing to do by psychoanalyze and question myself like i always do in an attempt to help myself figure it out but it just makes it worse. i genuinely apologize if you have to see all of this or are concerned or anything else but i think im slowly getting worse and i need to start being treated for more ocd related symptoms because i can barely function. ive said it before but people on tumblr have probably saved my life with their kindness so i want to thank and apologize to everyone

[villanelledeservedbetter]

gyns ive decided to pursue counselling for women's issues bc my TIF bf (im not going to disrespect his identity because of my political beliefs that he also shares -yes he can have gender dysphoria, transition and still be a radical feminist just like you can have body dysmorphia, get a BBL to feel worth something and still be a radical feminist) has a dissociative specialist therapist who is referring him to the UK DID specialist clinic so he can get a diagnosis of DID and guess what. most of his trauma is sex-based.

his therapist who has 23 yrs of expertise said id make a great therapist and that hes lucky to have someone like me who has knowledge about mental illness. she didn't patronise me about using psychiatric terminology, she was impressed and she specialises also in feminist therapy. she can't make a diagnosis but the centre she referred him to said shr believes he meets diagnostic criteria for DID.

i said itd be a pleasure to train under her at some point in the future and she told me "once ur bf has recovered u could train me!" with a half joking tone. she didnt patronise me she followed up the week after by telling my bf I should pursue therapy and this woman is a HUGE inspiration to me. a professional who acknowledges my layman's expertise - i helped get him the right help he needed. my bf is too complex for her so she waived her £120/session fee down to £70 down to NOTHING. she is helping him for free until she moves back to the US. it reminded me of that quote about feminism being an action, not a belief.

i am going to specialise in personality disorders,autism and trauma disorders in women. i am going to find answers about DID being a feminist issue. I am going to help young autistic girls be recognised by their teachers and influence safeguarding training for vulnerable young girls - his sibling wants to be a teacher for kids w learning disabilities too so it all works out great. the psychiatrists who don't believe in DID are likely male bc they cannot imagine the trauma a little girl can go through. i am going to treat the root cause of sexist death sentence diagnoses. I am going to help identify the signs of PTSD in autism and then compare those symptoms to autistic girls vs boys. i want to help develop an autism informed treatment of PTSD and see how PTSD and autism compare to BPD. I am going to controversially examine cluster b and c personality disorders as temperament based attachment/trauma disorders. im going to find out why women are 4x more likely than men to be diagnosed with bpd. im going to find out if bpd and cptsd are even different things. im going to find out the risk factors for developing a severe trauma disorder and i just KNOWN in my gut they are based on sex.

i can help work women who feel alienated from society through gender dysphoria. im going to help women where they have been ignored so many times before. im going to help women traumatised from the sex trade, im going to help women unpack their kinks as masochists, im going to find out the different comorbidities between traumatised women without developmental disorders and traumatised women with developmental disorders.

fuck it im going to make men angry at me questioning the shit they've written down to institutionalise disobedient or traumatised women and im going to wear it with pride. im gonna find answers for women.

i can do this!!! i have lived fucking experience of all of this!! its going to take years to become a specialist in three very complex areas but im going to do it for my boyfriend and every other little girl out there being intimidated by cowardly pedophiles into staying silent.

i have my own shit, my own female trauma i have to deal with first, but right now im giving my all into life. my boyfriend, once he has recovered or at least can manage his symptoms without me needing to be there for him to make sure he is safe, is gonna pursue medical school and go into psychiatry. he is going to listen. he is going to take his time to listen to womens pain, women too complex for psychiatry, figure out if there's medication to help reduce the pain, figure out what treatment they might need treat their trauma and i will be the therapist who will help them holistically instead of viewing then as symptoms to be treated.

i cant wait to decide my own workload, provide specialist support, and be there to tell women they aren't crazy. i cant wait to shatter their negative self-perception and help them grow into themselves. i cant wait to validate their experiences, treat them as equals, acknowledge their pain and be impressed when a client comes in suspecting a diagnosis and commend them on their research.

to the men who ruined our lives: fuck you. we will rise above the shit you instilled in us, the fear you have driven into vulnerable girls hearts, the permanent state of stress induced psychosis you have placed upon parts of women with DID. fuck you. you wont destroy us like you were hoping to. youve set us back but we will come forth like a blazing fire and protect each other. fuck you cowardly pedophiles. so pathetic that you need to threaten a vulnerable overly trusting child just to gain power over them. if i can help even a little bit, I will feel happy leaving this world knowing ive helped one woman heal even a little. I will feel happy causing controversy amomgst psychologists by angling it from a feminist perspective.

women are so fucking strong and they shouldn't have to be strong. they deserve to cry, they deserve to lash out, they deserve to be heartbroken over betrayal. i dont want women to be strong. they have been strong for too long and if I can make a tiny dent in that cognitive distortion that they have to be strong, my time on earth isnt wasted. i will have fulfilled my purpose.

i will keep you gyns updated on my progress. tomorrow I will start my level 2 in counselling. its like the world has meaning now. i am not powerless to help other women. i have helped young severely traumatised girls before regain their independence, and if there is one thing female socialisation has taught me it is how to be a good caregiver, how to be perceptive, how to provide holistic advice. if there is one thing I have learned from rebelling against patriarchy it is how to advocate for girls and women to get proper treatment using science-backed articles rather than leaving them as lost causes.

thank you to the incredible woman who has inspired me like this.thank you to my bf who is an incredibly strong survivor (and shouldn't have to be), and his twin for specialising in autism.

[red-woods]

 cw : gore description , abuse    i saw a take saying mental illnesses ( millnesses ) / neurodivergences ( gonna shorfen that fr later to nds ) / disabilities ( dabs ,,,,, im tired dont fucking try to fight me on this one ) : shouldnt get flags because nd people arent as oppressed as gay people    first off you know the least oppressed group ?  possibly in the world ?  countries !  boats !  know what they have ?  flags !     why do they have flags if they’re not homosexual , because as we all know : cloth inherently belongs to the faggots and if you wear clothes , pledge allegiance , or have blankets bed sheets rugs or plushies or pillows : you’re gay .     go back to the mud , like a good heterogender cissexual .  straightvestite .     flags are to easily signal something from a distance .  to easily communicate a message , sometimes a message that inherently needs to be secret .     flags can also symbolize a sense of belonging and identity and similarity to someone else who is also able to recognize said flag from a distance and instantly know you are 1 : likelier to be a safe person , 2 : someone whose existence means they are not alone in a positive way .     finally flags are used to show pride .  You wear them proudly or wave them or display them , so that others can see , and that communicates the message that the thing the flag is in support of : is something you view positively , and regardless of what it is : you are able to feel brave enough to display it .  in terms of country flags that fucking sucks by merit of : countries fucking suck .  however if you had something you were told was sinful , or terribly horribly flawed about you : would you not want confirmation from others that it was okay for you to just exist         ignoring the additional fact that a lot of lgbt+ people are mentally ill because of , oh i dont know , trauma from growing up hiding who we were plus people actively trying to harass if not kill us :    do you have any idea the UTTER BULLSHIT neurodivergent people go through    constant attacks on character and harassment JUST for adhd ,    lots of people treat the tism like a fucking plague , and getting diagnosed CAN GET YOUR HOUSE , CAR , DRIVERS LISCENCE , AND LITERAL CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU    and OH BABY IF YOUVE GOT A STIGMATIZED MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION    gaslighting , manipulation , and other abuses , all conveniently located at the only place you can get any mcfucking help for your symptoms .     now there is no treatment that “ works “ for DID , frankly i would be absolutely terrified of anything that claimed it did , and would have no desire to conform to a society in which little dudes in brain : isnt accepted .  you can have my little dudes over my cold dead body    but DEAR , GOD .  people have lost housing , been institutionalized and had their entire lives taken away , people have lost all sorts of things , the only reason you cant see it is that it happens right under your nose , all the time , and youre used to it .     it’s acceptable to you that people wind up on the streets after a mental breakdown , it’s acceptable to you that people can’t get medication , and are thrown into danger because of it .  the living hell of institutionalization is acceptable to you , you like staying in hospitals ?  imagine that but forever until you die .  it’s acceptable to you that people lose their stability , mobility , agency , self determination , and literal children .       i could sit here all fucking day and go through some bullshit oppression olympics with you that doesn’t fucking matter because all of us were being burned at the stake in the olden days anyways and it doesn’t matter whose experiemce burning was less satisfactory ; and not feel the overwhelming urge to rip out its windpipe because it doesn’t belong to you .      - or !  absolutely batshit concept !     you could look at a flag that helps signal to people they are safe , there are allies nearby , it’s okay for them to EXIST , there is nothing wrong with them , if they need help with a problem relating to whatever the flag signifies : they can talk to this person potentially , and theres a higher chance this person will know how to help and what information to pass along if the person does want to help , and you can go : i like being the bare minimum of adequate for a human being , and walk away .   

[a-libra-writes]

okay libra i don’t wanna dump anything on u but i went thru like a huge ocd(i’m diagnosed so i do mean actual ocd, not the way ppl often joke abt it and how it’s portrayed in media) episode and now i am wondering how like my mens(tywin, petyr, roose, & stannis) would be with an s/o who deals with like severe/debilitating mental health issues so like if u could read from ur book of being right absolutely all the time and lmk that would be great😩😩😩😩

-🐚🌌

im sorry you had to go through that, seastar :^( I'll do my best with this quartet; they aren't the uhhh most prepared BUT they do care for you! So let's see

Starting with Stannis because I think while he's initially not sure how to handle it or what to do, so he approaches it logically. If you tell him outright what you need, he'll do it without question. After a while, he starts to get a sense of what you need and when you need it! It's hard for him not to do something. Even if you'd prefer to be alone, he'd have something nice brought to you or an errand done for you. Stannis will always think he's not doing enough.

Petyr has a pretty clear idea of what you're going through even before you properly tell him because he's a creep he's an excellent observer. Obviously Petyr doesn't want you to be upset, but these situations to provide him an opportunity to absolutely take care of you (and hopefully increase your opinion of him). Whether you need distractions, accommodations, time alone ... he'll always remember exactly what you need so he can provide it. Petyr would also be excellent at protecting you socially, as in, making sure no one in the court knows you're struggling. The vipers in King's Landing are everywhere.

Tywin is someone whose aware of symptoms and conditions like this, and naturally doesn't treat those with them very well (I mean, look at his kids) but, well. The man has his moments of hypocrisy. In the case of his lover, he would ensure no one knew about it so it couldn't be used against either of them, and he'd spend a great deal of time and money making sure they were cared for. Is something causing this? Can something improve it? He'd show you rare moments of vulnerability as he sits with you and questions what you need.

So, I have some personal HC's involving Roose and this situation. HC #1 is this is nothing he hasn't seen before - his parents had varying degrees of mental illness. This being Westeros, it wasn't cared for properly. When you begin expressing your feelings and/or showing symptoms, Roose would attempt to do what he could - provide you with accommodations and things that might comfort you (as stated in the others), but he wouldn't handle you like you were fragile or this was some weird "thing" you had to get over. He understands it might be for a long, long time. Hell, Roose himself has a lot of unresolved grief over Domeric and likely had a not-great childhood. He probably understands some of what you're experiencing.

[fairycosmos]

i find it so weird how some people think that mental illnesses are treated the same in real life as they're treated on the internet. people will literally diagnose themselves with mental disorders and go out on social media to tell everyone and shit. not like venting on your blog or something. i don't mean to say that mental illness should become a taboo again but that it's... still a taboo. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and i feel so fucking ashamed when my bad (more like all of them, but i'm talking more about the ones that ppl around you will shit on you for the most) symptoms show. i feel weak and nuts and like i'm a terrible person. i will get threatened to be institutionalized bc of every little thing that i do that could be considered "crazy". i'm always afraid that will happen, especially bc mental healthcare in the country i live is shit. instead of making mental healthcare more accessible for people with mental disorders, they just turn those disorders into something banal and make it harder for people in need to reach out for help.

yepp the difference between telling someone ur mentally ill online and the absolute suffocating stigma of people KNOWING you are in real life is massive. ppl are very disconnected from the actualities of it at this point. im glad mental illness is being normalized but it's still not something that should be taken lightly, and unfortunately that's all anyone ever seems to do anymore. im really sorry you've been having such a hard time dealing w your bipolar, it's absolutely awful that you've been made to internalize so much shame over it. i can somewhat relate and have talked before on here about what it's like to know that people see you as a "crazy person" and the innumerable ways it feels like it holds you back in life. i wish it was even half comparable to some random twitter discussion that pathologizes feeling nervous or something else banal and normal. it's the same kids who think every attempt at defining a disorder is gatekeeping it when thats not how anything in healthcare works ever like ugh god whatever. it's tiring, i hear u. wishing you nothing but the best for the future, i seriously hope you find the treatment and the support system that you honestly deserve, even if it takes time <3 you are not weak, or nuts, or terrible. you're living with an illness, which yes, doesn't absolve you of your actions, but it does contextualize them a great deal. at the end of the day, you are doing what you can and that is enough. hugs. x

[weirdmageddon]

my rheumatologist has done more for me towards getting a POTS diagnosis than my cardiologist thats kinda sad bro

i came in to the cardiologist the other day (finally after waiting MONTHS) hoping for a tilt table test to see how my heart rate and blood pressure react to orthostasis in a controlled setting. the doctor didnt actually do a thing to test me for it in-office, i was just told to schedule an echo (which is fine), holster (alright) and stress test (why). but i was also prescribed eastern medicine as a treatment....“superbrain yoga”? like i dont want to seem closeminded because she is an indian doctor and there are some things that western medicine hasn’t caught on to but i realy wish i was told why it is supposed to work. like i want to know physiologically how and why it supposedly works. get technical and mechanical with me bro i have le autism, thats my language if you wanna really convince me. if it’s about toning up the muscles in my legs to squeeze the blood into my core upon standing why dont i just do squats? why do i have to do all this really specific stuff like hold my tongue at the roof of my mouth and face east, crossing my arms (right arm must go over left) and maneuver my hands in a certain way to grab my earlobes while doing those squats? is that merely a concentration sort of thing to make your brain focus? if so, why not just let me know what the purpose to these specific movements are (and what does focusing my brain have to do with treating POTS symptoms anyway)?? i’m not a spiritual person so the spiritual aspects of it do nothing for me. but at least i wasn’t given intensive aerobic exercise because i cant do that lol. i was just prescribed core strength training with planks and crunches (fine with me) and “superbrain yoga” (the specifics still confuse me but i’m doing it anyway)

but i didnt even get a tilt table test while i was there, i asked about it and she said “we stopped doing tilt table tests a while ago” and i was like ????????? thats like the gold standard to test for POTS my guy. based on just my symptoms she said i had dysautonomia and i asked “what about POTS?” and she said “it could be” and i was like ? could be? bro you didnt even test for it?

the whole visit just felt really vague and dismissive to my issues (yet again). fucking even my rheumatologist said before this visit to the cardiologist that i “probably have POTS”

so when i left the cardiologist the other day i wrote this up because i was very upset, felt dismissed, and took matters into my own hands to show what kind of medical concepts i’m capable of comprehending and the kind of language i want doctors to talk to me about my conditions in. and today i read it to my rheumatologist during today’s appointment:

the cardiologist says i have dysautonomia, “caused by dysfunction of the small blood vessels”. in the clinic, the nurse measured my laying vs standing blood pressure (which increased rather than decreased) but they didn’t do my heart rate there for some reason. but on my own i’ve measured my heart rate to jump above 30 bpm within 10 minutes of standing, so with all the symptoms lining up exactly with what’s expected of POTS (heart rate increase greater than 30 bpm within 10 minutes of standing, no drop in blood pressure, lightheadedness, brain fog, palpitations, prolonged fatigue, heat intolerance, excessive sweating etc), i’m convinced that the type of dysautonomia i specifically have is POTS, not just the umbrella term “dysautonomia”, and the specific brand of POTS i have is the neuropathic POTS subtype which is thought to be caused by sympathetic denervation (partial autonomic neuropathy) in the lower extremities. this causes the blood vessels in my legs not to constrict as they should when standing, which in turn causes blood to pool in the legs and not return to the heart, causing the heart to have to source its blood supply from elsewhere in the meantime to compensate (with an overall lower venous return), driving up the heart rate and causing lightheadedness. my blood tests also showed i am also very slightly anemic by 0.1 point below the normal range (11.6 g/dL) the resulting denervation hypersensitivity from the sympathetic denervation what is thought to cause erythromelalgia—which i express all the hallmark symptoms of as well in my feet (redness, increased skin temperature, burning sensation (feels like walking on a hot pool deck), cold to touch and bluish purple when not actively flaring, flaring occurs at night, symptoms worsen with exposure to heat and exercise (including walking on feet while flaring) and are relieved with cooling and elevation). i have no response to the cold unlike with what is seen in raynauds. i actually consider cold exposure my savior; the heat is my worst enemy, it makes me feel faint and lightheaded dysautonomia-wise and it makes my feet flare up rheumatologically.

“Several previous investigations have provided clues that patients with the postural tachycardia syndrome have peripheral autonomic dysfunction. Streeten et al. found that patients with orthostatic tachycardia had excessive venous pooling in the legs while standing and suggested that denervation of the legs was a mechanism of the syndrome. This hypothesis was supported by the finding of hypersensitivity to infusion of norepinephrine into the veins of the foot, despite high plasma catecholamine concentrations. [...] These stimuli increased norepinephrine spillover in the arms of both the patients with the postural tachycardia syndrome and the normal subjects, with similar increases in the two groups, but failed to increase norepinephrine spillover in the legs of the patients. [...] The reduced clearance of norepinephrine in the legs, without a similar reduction in the arms, may result from impairment of norepinephrine-reuptake mechanisms due to isolated damage to nerve terminals in the legs. [...] CONCLUSIONS: The neuropathic postural tachycardia syndrome results from partial sympathetic denervation, especially in the legs.” — (https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM200010053431404)

“The laser Doppler flowmetry signal after sympathetic stimulation of reflexes mediated through the central nervous system, was significantly diminished in patients with erythromelalgia as compared with healthy controls. [...] Vasoconstrictor responses involving central sympathetic reflexes were attenuated in erythromelalgia. Local neurogenic vasoconstrictor regulation, vasodilator response to local heating and hyperemic response to ischemia were maintained. [...] The finding of reduced skin perfusion before provocation is in accordance with the clinical observations that many erythromelalgia patients exhibit cold acral skin between attacks. [...] These results indicate that postganglionic sympathetic dysfunction and denervation hypersensitivity may play a pathogenetic role in primary erythromelalgia.” — (https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0022-202X(15)41629-X)

“Denervation hypersensitivity is a phenomenon peculiar to smooth muscle innervated by the general visceral efferent system. Following denervation there is increased sensitivity of the muscle to neurotransmitters. This is evident in smooth muscle innervated by sympathetic neurons when the postganglionic axon is affected. Such denervated muscle shows hypersensitivity to the application of epinephrine or to circulating epinephrine released during excitement.” — (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780721605616500198)

although my rheumatologist is in no position to give me a POTS diagnosis she very much agreed with the connections i made and said she thinks i am right on the mark with my conditions. she told me im a real academic patient and even that i’d be well suited for going into medicine lol. not only is it refreshing to have a doctor that doesn’t disregard their patient’s knowledge, but it’s good to see what i’ve learned about nerves from my biopsych classes (and in my own time for funsies) paying off in ways concerning my health. my mom who is a nurse also agrees that neuropathic POTS and erythromelalgia are what i have.

anyway the POTS symptoms have been a massive thing for me since puberty and the erythromelalgia developed a year or so after my POTS symptoms started. but i’ve always had freezing cold clammy hands and feet since i was a young child, they just hadn’t started changing colors and flaring until after i hit puberty. i’m not sure what destroyed the sympathetic nerve fibers in my legs (as most POTS happens in teenagers due to some viral illness but i’ve never had that?), i was also just tested for a bunch of autoimmune factors and disorders and my results came back negative. maybe it’s just a genetic factor, who knows, probably something caused by a hormone’s cascading effect gone awry at some point. it seems a lot of autistic afab people have POTS or some other type of dysautonomia for some reason and i’m curious as to why.

anyway i’m really stuck in a liminal space because i have no official diagnosis beyond “dysautonomia” but i’ve been sure of what it is for like over a year and it keeps getting clearer and clearer that i was right all along

[egopathic]

hi. im 16 and being forced back into therapy for the 4th time. first 3 times ranged from useless to fucking traumatizing. any advice for making it through this time without getting locked up or put on a bunch of unnecessary medication

this is another long post because i’m wordy and i feel for you and have completely been here.

first of all, sus out this therapist before you say anything. ask about how intense they are on their HIPPA/privacy laws, their specific therapy methodology, what they report, and their general opinion on medication.

if they’re actually helpful, completely respectful of confidentiality, and a good listener, then yay you struck gold.

if they turn out to be useless, that’s not on you. try to use all the resources they have. ask for workbooks, groups, colleagues that might want to work with you. you can keep them busy in session by asking about dbt/cbt skills to help with specific symptoms that you genuinely want help with. anyone can look up these tools so it’s generally very difficult to fuck that up, and both those therapies can provide good skills for most people struggling with personality disorder symptoms. if they can’t even do that, take up their time by talking about your day to day. look up mandatory reporting laws in your area to avoid triggering that if you’re concerned about it. it’s boring, but treat them like a teacher at school. try and absorb what you can and if there’s nothing they can teach you, play the game.

if they turn out to be traumatizing, protecting yourself is the most important thing. i don’t know your family situation, or how much they’ll be updated on your treatment stuff, but start small, and see if they report anything to your family. create a second persona with maybe half the symptoms you currently have and use that with them. do not use real names, dates or locations if you talk about trauma. keeping things hypothetical or “happening to a friend” is another way to skirt your therapist being able to break confidentiality. get your own workbooks and therapy books. if you want a list, i have a ton that have been actually helpful to me (tell your parents your therapist recommends them). i know this feels like bullshit, but trying to guide yourself through this with self lead therapy can be a way to make progress without a professional involved. keep your head up, make sure you have people to vent to and keep yourself safe in whatever ways you have to.

as for medication, a therapist can’t do that but a psychiatrist can. if you get a psychiatrist, Try To Get A Genetic Test To Figure Out Which Meds Work For You!!! if you can’t, and they give you medication, research it, try it for however long the adjustment period is, if it doesn’t work, tell them that. here’s the tricky part, some medications do need a ton of tweaking until they work. my anti anxiety and anti depressants have been that way. but also some meds don’t work or make you worse. use your discretion but look into other’s experiences with it and make sure you’re giving it a fair try, whether that be going up or down on it or whatever.

however if you do that and it doesn’t work and the doctor doesn’t allow you to switch, try to at least get it down to a small amount per day. you cannot go cold turkey off most psychiatric medications. that can kill you, give you serious withdrawal symptoms or add on to whatever mental illness you’re already dealing with. so be careful and mitigate the amount of medication down to a small enough amount that you don’t feel it anymore. don’t go off of it without the doctors knowledge if you can help it. and make your therapist write on your charts that they are denying you the ability to switch medications. the med situation is particularly rough and honestly i don’t know the work around either yet.

good luck and stay as safe as you can anon💖 i hope you get a therapist that listens to you and/or meds that genuinely improve how you feel. at the very least, try to hold on to the fact that you only have 2 more years until you can choose your own treatment path.

[mayans-sauce]

Positively Happy

@pantherclawz

Pairing: Coco Cruz x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: cursing

Request from anon Hi, if requests are open, I was wondering if I could request a Coco imagine? Where him and the reader had been trying to get pregnant but the reader deals with PCOS, which can make it extremely hard, and the last test she took said negative but she's had symptoms and then gets another test and it says positive? And she surprises Coco and they go to her 1st appt. And they see their baby?

A/N: sorry this is so late! But I hope I did well for this request and that you enjoy it!

You can read about what PCOS is HERE and HERE

Sign up HERE to join my taglist!

GROUP CHAT for updates!

•• Main Masterlist •• Coco Masterlist ••

Coco had explicitly said for years that he didn’t want another kid, not after fucking it up so much with his previous ones. He was glad that he had Letty in his life now and had started to form a relationship with her. A year or two after having Letty in his life, he got to know you, the love of his life, and he felt blessed and happy that he had his two favorite women with him. That was all he needed, and frankly, so did you.

You had both agreed that having your own kids wasn’t a priority in your life, at least not now, or maybe it never would be, but you still had it open for discussion in case something changed in the future.

And for Coco, it did change. It changed the day your sisters dropped off your niece at your house for a few days because she was going overseas for a week for her job. His eyes opened up for a new possibility for joy and laughter in his life watching you interact with the toddler.

Playing, taking care of her, loving her. He wanted that, he wanted that so bad, he loved your niece, and she loved to be with Coco as well, but he was scared to bring it up to you in case you had changed your mind completely, but eventually, he did, and you were more than happy that he wanted to have kids with you.

He told you he was scared. Scared that he would fuck it up as he did with his two others and Letty. He didn’t believe that he could be a good father, but you and Letty convinced him otherwise, especially Letty. She had told him, even though he hadn’t been by her side most of her life, that she loved him with all her heart and that he was the best dad ever to her.

He then knew that he could do it, be a good and caring father with you and Letty by his side.

The baby-making part wasn’t the hard part of getting pregnant because you and Coco were experts; it was the getting pregnant part that didn’t work. You tried for a long time before you went to a doctor. They diagnosed you with PCOS, which along with a few other problems, also makes it harder to get pregnant, but it was still possible. So the doctor suggested that you try more before you could look into other methods of getting pregnant.

Each test you took came out negative, again and again, and each time your hopelessness increased.

“What does it say?” Coco asked as you both waited in the bathroom for the pregnancy test to get ready. You picked it up and hoped that it would finally say positive. But your face dropped when you looked at the results, and Coco knew what that meant. “Nothin?” “Nothing.”

He let out a long sigh, his heart sinking in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and yours around him, just holding onto one another and giving each other comfort. “We can try again.”

After a few weeks of trying some more, you and Coco had given up on trying the natural way, so you scheduled an appointment with the doctor to work out some other methods. The appointment was some time away, so the weeks leading up to it, you and Coco hadn’t in your thoughts to make a baby while having sex; you just focused much more on each other than you ever had.

A few days before the appointment, you started to feel a little different. Your period was late since it had always been so irregular, so you didn’t think much of it, but you also woke up feeling very ill. So later in the day, you went to buy a pregnancy test just in case. Coco wasn’t home, so you asked Letty if she could join.

Letty loved you like you were her mother. You were best friends and always was there for one another. “Do you think you're pregnant?” “I… don’t know. I don’t think so, but I just feel different than the other times, so I figured just checking wouldn’t hurt.”

When the timer on your phone went off, you lifted the stick straight to your face to look at it, not thinking so much of it because you were expecting it to be negative as always. To your surprise, it said positive, and your heart started racing. “What?” You said in the tiniest whisper, your eyes glossy with tears that began to form in them.

“Y/N, what is it?” Letty came to stand by your side. “It’s… it’s positive.” “Are you sure?” You gave her the pregnancy test so she could check for herself. “I don’t have an extra to check it, but… it’s never said positive before. This is the first time.” Now Letty was crying and overjoyed with excitement. She hugged you long and hard, and you did as well. Emotions were running all over. “I’m gonna be a big sister.” “You're gonna be a big sister Leticia.”

“I need to call him.” You couldn’t wait for him to come home; you needed him to know right away. His phone went to voicemail, which means he was in Templo because he always answered his phone no matter what except when he was in there. So you sent him a message and a picture.

📲To: My Coco❤️

Let’s hope this means that baby Coco is on the way❤️ I’m so happy❤️

Letty and you moved over to the living room to wait for Coco’s response. Even though it wasn’t 100% sure that you even were pregnant, you started talking and planning for the baby already. What gender you wanted it to be. Letty wanted it to be a girl while you wanted a little Coco running around, but regardless of what, you would all love the baby no matter what. The future for the baby and all the adventures you all would go on.

Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang with Coco’s face lighting up the screen, and you picked up in a second. “Is-is it real,” his voice was shaky as he spoke; you could hear that he was on the verge of tears. “Yes, Johnny, it's real… it’s so real.” He told you he was on his way home to you. He didn’t care about the club or anything other than you right now.

When he arrived, he wouldn’t let go of you, holding onto you as his life depended on it. Letty joined in the cuddling and love. After some time, he got down on his knees so that his head was at level with your belly. His hand softly caressed it as he talked in a gentle voice, “I hope you are in there, little one. I love you so fucking much.” Only the appointment in a few days could tell, so you didn’t entirely hold onto the hope that you were pregnant, but you all wanted it to be real, so you acted that it was.

A few days later, at the doctor's appointment, you, Letty, and Coco all held your breath as they searched for a glimpse that you were pregnant. Coco held your hand tightly as he watched the screen, his leg bouncing up and down in anticipation. Letty held tightly onto her father, just as nervous and anxious as him. To your luck, they found evidence that you were indeed pregnant, and all of you were overjoyed at the news.

Letty squealed in happiness as Coco started lightly crying at the discovery of his entire world changing for the better, but the doctor told you that it might be too soon to celebrate. Because of your PCOS, there was a bigger chance for you to have a miscarriage or other complications with the pregnancy. So you would need to be closely monitored and taken care of.

Coco vowed from that day that you wouldn’t do any hard work around the house or anywhere else. He, Letty, and the rest of the guys would do everything for you. All you needed to do was sit your pretty ass down and relax as they all treated you like a queen.

A few weeks had passed, you and Coco were on the way to the doctor again for another appointment. This time hoping to know the sex of the baby. Coco was driving with one hand on the steering wheel and his other hand playing with your fingers, which always calmed him down. The window was down as the warm wind of Santo Padre seeped into the car.

“I hope it’s a girl,” he admitted. He had told you since the pregnancy was confirmed that his dream was to have a baby girl. A sweet and beautiful little creature that looked exactly like you that he would protect with his whole heart and kill anyone that dared to harm her.

“I hope it’s a boy.” You could see in your dream a little miniature Coco. Him and his father running around in the yard playing together as they laughed in the grass like it was the funniest thing ever. The two being messy boys and getting into trouble all the time and hiding it from mommy.

But you knew no matter what you found out today at the doctors that the little miracle in your belly would be loved unconditionally by everyone in your lives no matter what.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Let me know what you think❤️

GENERAL TAGLIST: @everyhowlmarksthedead @-im-fantastic- @idorkish @bishopslosawife @witching-hour @rosieposie0624 @jessprins13 @skyofficialxx @glamourglambert @jasminee97 @starrynite7114 @gemini0410 @rocketqueen @mack-jay @megapeacelovemusic-blog @weasleytwins-41 @achievement-hunters-blog54 @taurean-brat @multifandom.girlie

MAYANS MC TAGLIST: @blessedboo @60shannon @bellisperennis0 @capnsaveahoe @diaryofkali @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @xvvalx @missswritings @theocatkov @pinguinstudiert @chibsytelford @encounterthepast @rawrlittlepanda-95 @beeroses

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

----------------------------------------------------------

Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

[petewentzisblack1312]

Hi… I wanted to ask this on anon so I didn’t ask on your personal, idk if this is too personal or anything to ask but

Do you have a problem with people saying they have a mental disorder if they don’t have a diagnosis? Like for me so… I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I am like 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And like I know you can’t diagnose me so I’m not going to go into depth with my symptoms but ever since I was like, 11, I used to get very depressed to the point where I contemplated ending it but then i would snap out of it and I think for me my manic phase are hypomanic bc ive never experienced like the full range of those symptoms but my depressive phases get very rough esp if I have external stressors but it will go through what I assume to be these phases like sometimes within the day esp if I have a stressor.

I am in nursing school and I work at a psych hospital so like this isn’t coming out of nowhere, I am very familiar with all mental disorders and it was actually during my psych nursing class and learning about bipolar disorder that I was like… hm… why does this feel like a mirror right now. I am aware I should get to a therapist and get an actual diagnosis (if I had money I would lol) but like idk. Idk if it’s worth going to my doctor at my physical and being like “hey I think I have this” I am lucky enough now that I am in a good place and can manage my symptoms but I am terrified I will go through a stressor again and lose it so idk. I mean I feel like I already know the answer but I wanted to ask anyway to see your take :/

Anyway idk as a future medical professional I think self diagnosis got a bad rep and it’s like idk I think for mental disorders esp you can tell if you have anxiety and it’s a persistent problem. You can tell if you have depression. I know bipolar disorder is harder to diagnose but idk I think since I’m in the field it’s easier? Idk I felt like a sense of relief with learning about it and finding similarities and being like “well maybe that’s why I’m like that”. But idk now I’m feeling uneasy bc I don’t have a diagnosis and I don’t want to be like, stepping over people who were diagnosed. Thank you in advance if you read all this and yeah I’m sorry I know it’s a lot and this is controversial

ok this is a long post so im putting it under a cut but tldr, no i dont have a problem with it. it doesnt matter if you actually have an illness, it matters if you find a solution to your problem. if treating yourself like you have a certain condition makes it easier to go through life, then keep doing what works for you, you are doing nothing wrong. this all goes for physical and mental illnesses.

im a firm proponent of self diagnosis. i wouldnt be here if i didnt have the confidence to research mental illnesses and advocate for myself. as someone who is extremely familiar with the medical profession on account of being the daughter of a doctor and a nurse and spending my childhood running around a hospital, im extremely privileged to even have the knowledge and ability to do so, and i try to bear in mind the understandable hesitancy of people without this advantage. i know that you are well within your right to refuse medication that makes you sick, i know that you can complain about a doctor that isnt listening to you, i know that you are allowed and encouraged to be adamant about things you are told dont matter, and in addition to that, i have a VERY well known doctor and a nurse in my corner, and i am STILL treated as though i do not understand my own experiences enough to have any authority more often than i am not.

the reason self diagnosis gets a bad rep imo is because people have constructed this boogeyman of the worst case scenario, people collecting mental illnesses they dont have for attention as opposed to what it is, people doing research into their experiences and making theories on what they have so they can manage it. youll often see the take of "i dont hate self dxd i just hate people who do it for attention" and i think thats very irresponsible considering a symptom of many mental illnesses is thinking youre faking it and doing it for attention, nevermind the fact that attention seeking behaviour is literally a symptom of many mental illnesses people often dont want to empathize with. gatekeeping whos illness is real just keeps people who need help out. i could go into an anarchist screed about democratizing health, but basically, as someone whos life has been saved by my insistence on self diagnosis, and whos life has been made significantly easier by treating myself as though i have the conditions that i theorize i have, self diagnosis saves lives, and i, as an advocate for disabled people of all kinds on my island, will never put any conditionals on self diagnosis. it doesnt matter if you find the right name for your problem, it matters if you find a solution that works. i have yet to meet any of these fabled people who never try to receive a professional opinion, only people who literally cant.

as for feeling guilty, ill repeat how i opened this answer: it does not matter what exactly your problem is, it matters that you find a solution that works. in medicine generally, there will be a wide spectrum of problems with overlapping treatments, things which are similar but distinct, things which look identical but are completely different and at different levels of concern. it doesnt really matter which grab bag of bullshit your brain is reaching from, it matters that you know how to deal with what it throws at you, whatever that may be. dont worry about getting it right, worry about getting it working. okay?

for advice on how to deal with doctors, its helpful to pose it as a hypothetical as opposed to an absolute. when i bring up things im dealing with that i have a theory about i say "i think i have x" or "i think i might have x" or "i have a lot of symptoms of x". doctors are often egotistical and are easily challenged so it helps to pose it at a problem they can solve as opposed to one youve solved for them otherwise they get spooked. in my experience posing it this way leads them to actually interrogate this line of symptoms, and theyll ask you why you think that, and you can bring up symptoms that led you to that conclusion, and ones that give you trouble especially. for example, ive said "i think i may have autism or adhd? or both" to several doctors, and they either agree with me (i believe its been put in my file as a possibility now although i cant get an official test done due to financial and resource restrictions) or they ask why i think so, and i detail what i believe is due to my autism. its small, but this reframing helps a lot.

i think this covers all you said but my head is empty as hell.