#all our favs were created by terrible people and it’s okay

[haveumetbi]

Hello!

I've been using tumblr for a long time, but only recently I've felt confident enough in my english to actually try to join communities and make friends. 

A little introduction... That is actually kinda really long and I’m not gonna subject y’all to it unless you want to, so here’s the tldr:

I’m an acearo, bi, cis girl (🇺🇸 she/her — 🇧🇷 ela/a).

White latina from Brazil.

I’m disabled and neurodivergent

I love sitcoms, comedy is my fav genre of fiction

and cats

and The Sims

and Turma da Mônica

and hairstyling, braids, make up

and Jane Austen

and Taylor Swift

If you like any of it, follow me!! I’ll definetely follow back. If your curious, read bellow.

I’m a 23 year old college student who is majoring in History. I’m kind of a huge nerd, I love subjects like History (duh), Literature, Politics, Philosophy, Psychology, Religion, but also Comedy (i find fascinating to analyze it, even if that kinda defeats the purpose, sue me). I kinda only watch sitcoms, actually, maybe because of how obsessed I am with the genre (more on that later). 

Being Brazilian I may reblog/talk about Brazillian issues/stuff and most definetely will reblog things about Turma da Mônica (brazil’s most beloved comic book series that shaped the childhood’s of at least 3 generations now since the 60s/70s), my longest autistic special interest. Oh, yeah, I’m also neurodivergent, AuDHD and also have persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia gang rise up! or dont, ik its hard and tiresome) and fibromyalgia.

Another special interest I’m unhinged about is The Sims, I use Tumblr mostly bc of it, so I’ll definitely reblog stuff about it, maybe if everythings works out I will even create a side simblr, who knows. I love historic/fantasy gameplay, would be cool to share with people.

Idk if its a SI or just regular cat owner thing, but I’m definitely obsessed with these little guys. Speaking of cat lover, I love Taylor Swift. Like, I’m very casual about most music I consume, but she is the exception, I just... feel SO MUCH with her songs. Idk, idk... She also makes me feel things on a sapphic way, though I’m no g*ylor or hetl*r (rlly dont care about who she dates, just here for the art). But not in a wow I wanna bang this celebrity I have a crush on, cuz I dont wanna bang no one, cuz I’m acearo. Just, dont swing that way (or any way, really /hj cuz i'm actually gray-bi-romantic but its very rare, so i'm usually not swinging at all lmao).

I really like to read, but it has been tough to keep the habit with depression and disabled adult life knocking at my door and kicking my ass... currently I’m finishing reading all Jane Austen’s work (i love her sense of humor and analyses of human psychology) in portuguese, but I plan to eventually read the original stuff in english. I just really love stories and storytelling as an art form, maybe that’s why I love to write. I’m obsessed with fanfictions, actually, been writing since I was 11, never anything in english, but who knows, actually creating and participating in tumblr may be the first step. I mostly write about tv shows I’m obsessed about (though I did write some Turma da Mônica Jovem fanfiction...... thank god I deleted, it was terrible, tho in my defense I was still a preteen) and I mostly watch sitcoms so.... About that...

My favorite sitcom ever is probably How I Met Your Mother (it was literally what i needed when i was going through a really rough patch) and BoJack Horseman (yes, cartoon sitcoms totally count, shut up). I’d say my first sitcom love was The Simpsons, my biodad had a lot of dvds and tapes from the golden seasons and the fondest memories of my childhood were us watching together and laughing like two idiots. My first fandom was iCarly (i was a preteen okay), but I wasnt a big fan of the revival/reboot (yes I was team seddie, no it has nothing to do with it, I gave it a shot, but just didnt vibe with it). I also love The Office, That 70′s Show, Never Have I Ever, Community, Our Flag Means Death, The Sex Lifes of College Girls, One Day at a Time and The Good Place.

I’m pretty sure the only other shows that I got obsessed with that weren’t sitcoms were Once Upon a Time and Lucifer, two shows that were quite humorous with its wacky premises (fairytales in real life???? the devil taking a vacation in LA??? i mean, c’mon!!). I’m loving the Percy Jackson disney adaptation, it was my favorite YA book series and it always bummed me that the movie adaptation was so terrible, I'm glad we finally have a great adaptation and can't wait for more seasons to come!!!

I’m very talkative (you dont say?? 😮 /s) and a total extroverted that really loves to make friends, but my communication difficulties really do shine on long distance conversation... be phone calls, video calls, emails, text messages etc... So, although I’d love if you shoot me a message, bc I love to make friends, I also am not the best texter, so dont expect someone who always immediately answers you right back cuz they are online — please dont take it personal, it has nothing to do with who is messaging me and everything to do with my disability mkay? And yes, I am trying to work this shit out in therapy, but you know... growth aint linear. When shit hits the fan, the first thing that I lose is the ability to answer text messages 😭 idk i just stare at them, they stare at me, i combust and die, the end. 

Dont know how to end this text, so, I’ll just show a pic of my cat, cuz shes everything. Bye!! 

[cazimagines]

Perfectly exasperating

Synopsis: You really disliked Zemo, but one person you disliked more? John Walker. After bonding over how you disliked him with Zemo, you have the unfortunate situation of running into John. He flirts, insults, and hurts you and Zemo is ready to put him in his place.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings/Tags: Use of swear words, John Walker being a dick, soft Zemo, protective Zemo

Author’s note: I was not intending this fic to come out as long as it did. This was one of the ones I had been putting off to write other stuff till I finally pulled myself around to writing it and ended up getting really into it. Funny how that happens.

Masterlist

Sequel

Part 3

Part 4

“Would you care for a Turkish delight?”

You bite the inside of your mouth in annoyance, refusing to even look at him. Instead of forcing your eyes to focus on a spot in front of you, not moving them in the slightest. Zemo waited for a few moments before sighing and turning away from you.

“You’ll eventually have to talk to me, y/n” he exclaims as he walks over to the kitchen side of the room. You were sitting in the safe house Zemo had provided. There wasn’t much to do, just sit and wait till the funeral started. Zemo sought to communicate to you to keep you two occupied, but you didn’t want to talk with him, so you didn’t. You just sat on the settee, staring at the sofa opposite you while Zemo walked around looking through the cupboards for food.

You were pissed when Bucky revealed he broke Zemo out of prison.

The avengers had been your family. Whenever you needed them Steve would be there to offer you advice, Tony there to make you laugh. Nat there to beat up whoever required it. Everything was wonderful in your life. For once. And he had ruined it.

He caused the family you loved to split, hate each other, and that left you alone. So alone. Losing both Tony and Steve made you more mad at Zemo. He robbed the last years you could have spent with them, so yeah, no wonder you refused to talk to him.

He loved to annoy you, though. Any moment he got he was beside you, creating sarcastic remarks about what was happening, trying to joke around with you. Trying anything to communicate with you. The worst of it was when he insisted you had to be his date on the mission in Mandripoor. Feeling his arm wrap around you, a kiss to your temple, the smell of his cologne flooding you, drawing you in. It pissed you off knowing how easily you fit into the role of his date. Yet you knew deep down why. Every time he made a snide remark, you had to bite your tongue to stop making one back. Every time he tried to joke with you, it took all your effort not to snort. You hated him and everything he does, yet you could sense a fondness growing for him, just a slight one, in the deepest corner of your heart. Left there to be locked away. Never acknowledged.

“So, the new Captain America, huh? What’s he like?” you hear Zemo ask, leaning on the counter of the kitchen table, his eyes burning into the side of your head.

You feel bile rise to your mouth as he spoke.

John Walker.

John fucking Walker.

If you hated Zemo, you despised John Walker. Just thinking of him brought a scowl to your lips. Steve meant everything to you. He was a father figure to you. He stood for all you believed in. He was your hope, your light in the darkness. And John Walker seemed to tarnish it. You wouldn’t have minded him if he was a different mascot for America. If he became America’s new hope. It was the fact that they called him Captain America. That he had the shield. The title belonged only to Steve. He claimed he wasn’t trying to replace Steve, but that is what he was doing. Him being called Captain America felt like a spit on Steve’s memory. People would forget him, everything he did for the country he loved. They would only focus on John Walker, and you detested that.

You didn’t blame Sam for giving away the shield, unlike Bucky. You could understand why he did it. That shield held such a responsibility, such a legacy it seemed impossible to ever live up to. No, you blamed the people who took the shield away from the museum. Without Sam’s permission. They should have asked Sam. But of course they didn’t care. They didn’t care at all.

“I see by your reaction that your impression of him isn’t a pleasant one,” Zemo says, bringing you out of your thoughts and back to reality.

“Have you met him?” he asks

You try to hold back your opinion, but John Walker made you so frustrated, you knew if you didn’t rant about him you would burst.

“Yes. He’s a dick,” you spit out

Zemo quickly straightens up, surprised you actually answered one of his questions.

“Oh? Are you finally speaking to me.” he inquires, walking around the kitchen counter towards you.

“Don’t push your luck” you mutter, side eyeing him as he sits down opposite you. Sam and Bucky were out leaving you alone with Zemo. At the moment you were all waiting till the funeral. Zemo claimed there were a few hours to kill before everyone had to gather. Sam and Bucky decided to check out the town, make sure they knew it well in case a situation occurred where we had to dash. They had forced you to babysit Zemo.

“No, no, I like to hear you talk. Please, if talking about how this new Captain America is a dick is how I get you to speak to me, then let’s continue.” Zemo says, pouring out a glass of whisky for you and him. He holds the glass out to you, an eyebrow raised. You sigh, grabbing the glass out of his hand and drank, feeling the warmth creep up your throat. Zemo chuckles as he watches you, leaning back on the sofa, his arms resting on top of it.

“My, my. The man must be terrible if just the thought of him is making you talk and accept drinks from me,”

“He’s so infuriating! He thinks because he is Captain America he can stick his nose in other people’s business!”

“Ah, so he is one of those people. Doesn’t understand boundaries. How rude,”

“And get this, he got annoyed at us! Telling us we should stay out of his way when he is the one getting in our bloody way!”

“No” Zemo fake gasps

“Yes!” you exclaim, going into a rant, “I can’t even bear to call him Captain America. He doesn’t deserve to be called that. His actual name is John Walker. He claimed he wasn’t trying to replace Steve, but that is exactly what he is doing! And how he talks to me as well. He’s so condescending, treating me as if I am a kid while trying to compliment me and act like he’s all that in front of me,”

Zemo’s eyes narrow and he places the glass down on the table between you two, “You mean he flirts with you?”

“If you could call that pathetic excuse flirting. I suppose. It pisses me off though,”

“I can imagine. He sounds nothing like what Steve was. Nothing like his legacy,”

It was your turn to narrow your eyes, watching Zemo curiously. “I assumed you hated Steve”

“I never hated him. No. I can admire what he stood for, I just find unrealistic. All superheroes are flawed. Innocents will consistently be collateral damage while superheroes are allowed to exist.”

You stare at Zemo, amazed. Not realising the silence you were making. You had always thought he hated Steve. It always seemed that way. Yet he didn’t? Knowing he didn’t hate the guy you always viewed as a father figure mattered to you. And you don’t know why.

Zemo stared back at you. He was studying your eyes, trying to figure out what you were thinking. He didn’t realise what he thought about Steve would have affected you, but it appears he was wrong.

“Don’t worry y/n we’re back and guess what! We found your fav-” Sam shouts, opening the doors of the room and strutting in but he pauses, noticing you and Zemo staring at each other from the sofa’s. “What’s going on here?”

Zemo is the one to pull out of the eye contact trance, smirking as he looks over at Sam, “We were just discussing John Walker.”

Bucky who had followed Sam in grounded at hearing Zemo utter that name. “Perhaps you two would like a drink and join us in considering how much of a dick he is?” Zemo asks, raising his glass to them.

A few hours later you walked down the street following Zemo to find his associate. You didn’t appreciate how secretive he was being, but you understood it. He had many people who wanted to get him, and the second he wasn’t useful to us. He would be doomed.

“It’s too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit” you hear a whiny voice shout. Peering up, you notice John Walker and his sidekick ‘Battlestar’ or whatever jogging down the steps towards you.

“Ah! How did you find us now” Bucky shouts with his arms raised, striding towards them.

“Come on. You really think three Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention,” his friend responds.

“No more keeping us in the dark,” John mutters angrily

Zemo, who you were walking besides, turns his head to you, “I understand what you mean by infuriating”

You chuckle as John looks angrily between you two, “You can start by telling us why you broke him out of prison,”

“He did that himself technically” Bucky replies, and Zemo grins at you, as if bragging about it.

“Aw, this better be an unbelievable explanation-” John Walker exclaims, reaching up to you.

“Hey take it easy before it gets weird,” Sam suggests, interrupting John.

“I know where Karli is,” Zemo reveals to John Walker, his seductive accent sticking out from the rest of them. He tries to walk past John. You, Bucky and Sam follow, but John stops him, placing a hand on his chest.

Zemo glares ahead, disgusted at John for even daring to touch him.

“Well, where” he says, getting into Zemo’s face

“All we know is, it’s a memorial so we are going to intercept her there,” Sam adds, trying to defuse the tension.

Zemo grabs John Walker’s hand and pushes it off him, striding forward again, and you jog to catch up with him.

“See why I call him a dick now,” you whisper

Zemo smirks, looking back at you, “Yes. He’s perfectly exasperating”

“What? No. Wait. No! No! Stop. Hold on. Stop. Okay?” John exclaims running forward and stopping you all in your tracks again after something Sam had said. “I think we are way past reasoning with her”

Zemo just stares ahead, fed up with John while you groan in annoyance. Not being able to even bring yourself to look at the man in front of you.

They argue for a few moments while you and Zemo stand idly to the side, Zemo glances at you rolling his eyes making you giggle. You smack his arm slightly trying to get him to stop making you laugh, but that only makes Zemo chuckle along with you. Eventually they calm John down but he glares over at Zemo, “We will deal with you later.”

“I’m sure it will all come to an agreeable conclusion” Zemo says, gesturing with his hands. He walks ahead, searching for his associate while John Walker moves beside you. You try to pick up your pace, but he keeps up.

“So working with a criminal now. Not very avengery like. I thought Zemo hated Steve. I wonder what Steve would think of you working with him,” he mutters peering at you.

“Need I remind you-you are also working with him now,”

“Come on, darling, don’t be like that,” John responds grinning, placing his palm on your back.

“Get your hand off me” you growl scowling at him

“Most women would fawn over me” John cockily resorts, still not removing his hand

“She asked you to remove your hand” you hear Zemo state, glancing over you see he had stopped walking forward, turned around and was now glaring at John. “Do I need to remove it for you?” he says angrily.

John frowns at Zemo. Finally, taking his hand off you and striding up to Zemo. Zemo tilts his head, his jaw clenching in fury as he stares at John.

“You are nothing but a dirty criminal. Don’t think for a second you can talk to me like that,”

“I will when you are being rude and disrespectful towards a lady,”

John scoffs, peeking over to you, then back to Zemo. Everyone else was standing to the side, not sure if they should intervene or not.

“What did she suck you off or something?”

Chaos ensured.

Bucky and Sam had to leap forward to stop Zemo from launching onto John while Battlestar had to hold John back. “Too far man, too far” he muttered to John

Zemo was snarling at John, his teeth bared in rage. His hair had fallen loose from their usual position and was hanging down over his forehead, giving him a more wild look. The vein in his neck stood out, twitching. His eyes were raging with fire as he looked at John. He kept trying to push past Bucky and Sam to get to John, but eventually gave up knowing it was futile.

You were standing at the side, shocked that John would have the ego to say something like that and at Zemo’s rage towards John for saying it. John adjusts his head. Not looking you in the eyes, but looking in your direction. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of said that”

Pulling your senses together, you walk up to John, glaring at him. “Yeah, you damn well shouldn’t have. You’re a dick. Nothing like Steve. You never will be,”

John wrinkles his nose in anger, frowning at your remark. You walk over to Zemo now that Bucky and Sam had let go of him. You give him a nod, showing your appreciation, and he nods back, though still glaring at John.

“Who I choose to associate myself with is none of your business. Who I choose to suck off is none of your business. Perhaps you can go fuck yourself and learn a bit of decency,” you spit at him.

A brilliant thought crosses your brain for another way to twist the dagger of your dislike into John. You reach out and grab onto Zemo’s hand, clasping it.

The action causes everyone to turn wide eyed to you. Including Zemo. He glances down at your hand in his then back to yours, surprise in his gaze but he immediately covers it up turning back to John smirking. He turns to behind himself, then back to the group.

“My associate is up ahead,”

You all turn to look forwards and see a little girl staring at you. Walking forward again, gripping his hand, Zemo nods to the girl as you all approach.

“Hello my friend,”

He holds out some money, a lot by the looking of it, and says to her, “This is for your family”

The girl hastily snatches it, obviously in need of it, and you can’t help but feel your heart warm a bit, seeing how kind Zemo was being to her.

“Can you show us the way?”

She beckons with her hands and walks forward. Zemo looks back at you, nodding to make sure you were okay, then follows her.

“What the hell” John murmurs from behind.

Following the girl, she leads you to a building. She turns, pointing inside a doorway, and runs inside not to be seen again.

“Karli’s in there,” Zemo tells the rest of the group. Sam replies and heads inside to talk to her while John suddenly grabs Zemo’s arm and yanks him against the machine on the wall.

Zemo moans as he is shoved into it, the hard outer piece hitting into his chest roughly.

“Hey. You’ve got ten minutes” John shouts to Sam as he takes out a pair of handcuffs and attaches them to Zemo.

“Really” Zemo mutters as John cuffs him to the machine.

“Then we are doing things my way,” John declares ignoring him

“Aggressive” Zemo jokes, though from his eyes you could still see the anger he harbors towards John.

He twists his head to watch John stride forward, staring at Sam, then back to him. “But I get it”

You wander over to stand by Zemo as you wait for Sam to talk to Karli.

“This day has brought a lot of changes. This morning you refused to say a single thing to me and now just moments ago you were holding my hand,” Zemo speaks quietly to you.

You shoot him a glare, “I did that to agitate John,”

“Sure, that was the only reason” but you knew from his eyes he didn’t believe you. They sparkled with amusement as he looked down at you.

“That cuff must bother you” you mention glancing over at them.

“I don’t mind. I quite enjoy cuffs, in the right setting of course,” he quips.

You turn on your side, looking at him, your lips curling into a smile. If we are going to play that game, you thought.

“Oh, what setting would that be?”

Zemo’s smile deepened, enjoying seeing you play along, “I’m sure you would like to know”

“Do you have to do this here!” John exclaims, glaring at the two of you. You quickly step back from Zemo, forgetting that you two had company. Your eyes snap to Bucky’s with worry, but he wasn’t looking at you. He glared at the ground, not seeming to care what was happening between you and Zemo.

After that Zemo tried to engage you in conversation again but you effectively ignored him, going back to how you were treating him earlier, which you knew was frustrating him.

John was looking down at the shield, then squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, panting. Both you and Zemo glanced up, watching him cautiously. You glanced at Zemo and he stared back, confirming you were both thinking the same thing about Walker.

He got up and started shuffling towards the doorway. Both you and Bucky eyed at each other for the first time with the same recognition in your eyes. You leave Zemo’s side to walk over to where John was.

“No, no, no. This is a bad idea,” John mutters as he paces around. Zemo watches him like a hawk while you and Bucky stand side by side, arms crossed.

“It hasn’t been ten minutes, John. Sit tight,” Bucky replies.

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me,” he spits back, pacing around.

“He knows what he is doing,” you reply

There’s silence for just a moment. You watch as John turns towards you and walks fast, hitting his fist against the shield, “I’m going in”

Bucky walks forward and places his hand on John, stopping him from moving further.

He tries to antagonise Bucky, trying to make him guilty for what could happen to Sam. And you could tell his words were influencing him.

“You will not be going in till ten minutes are up,” you state sauntering over to them

“Oh, so the whore has something to say,” John spits out

In the back, Zemo growls, tugging on the cuffs that connected him to the wall. You feel the outrage prick up on you as John’s remark.

“Don’t call her that” Bucky says, glaring at John

“She’s been openly flirting with the terrorist over there, so yeah, I think it’s appropriate to call her that,” John bites back

You rush forward, attempting to punch John in rage, but he was able to sidestep you and brings the shield up, connecting it harshly to the side of your head. Pain soars across your face as you fall down onto the ground. You groan, your eyesight going dark around the sides and black patches covering parts of what you could see.

“BASTARD” you hear someone shout with a beautiful accent. From the floor, you can’t make out much of what is going on. Someone with a metal arm attacking another guy. A man with a shield being attacked by a man in a trench coat. It was all too confusing for you. You just wanted to sleep.

You could feel yourself fading in and out. Your eyes begging to close. You could hear shouting. Someone talking.

Your head was raised. Someone was holding it in their hands. Your vision is blurry but as they get nearer your eyes could focus on them. Beautiful brown eyes, messy brown hair, cute thin lips. It was him.

“Y/n!?” Zemo shouted at you, “Y/n stay with me”

“My head hurts” you mutter to Zemo as he lifts you up, placing you against the wall. Slowly your eyesight came back, and you could see your surroundings. Only you and Zemo were left.

“Zemo, where is everyone?” you ask turning your head, but in doing so it makes you feel incredibly dizzy. You groan as Zemo places a hand on the side of your face to stop you moving.

“They went after the Sam,”

“I need to help them!”

“No, you need to stay here and recover,”

You look over at the wall then back to Zemo, “How did you get out of the cuffs?” you ask

“Ah well…” Zemo says and glances down at his hand, your eyes follow and widen seeing his hand, bruising covering it, his thumb sticking out at an odd angle.

“You broke your hand to get out!?”

“Well, I couldn’t let him get away with saying those things and hurting you,” Zemo mutters, smiling slightly but you could see the pain flickering in his eyes, “I gave him a well-deserved punch in the face”

You chuckle at the thought. Leaning forward, you kiss him lightly on his forehead, a gesture of you wanting to ease his pain. You move back just in time to see him looking at you, surprised, before your vision faded.

Taglist: @multiyfandomgirl40 @ineffablebean @freyjasamael @avgravy @huntheimpossible @checkurwindow @there-goes-thefighter @bunniwritesx @montypythonsholysnail @yallgotkik @wonderwoman292

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Louies posting about Freddie holding up a sign when it was actually a fan… and fantasizing that Louis was crying over it… equally pathetic. ///

I wanted to reply to that earlier comment about louies taking it too far so here it is!!

we will never be privy to the information about what actually happened in louis' life during 2015-17. The one thing we can be sure of is louis was unhappy. He was trying to joke and be cool during the last of one d but he definitely was not happy, was agitated constantly. His personal life took some unexpected drastic changes+ he had freddie. The media and tabloid coverage about the baby was really really bad. 2017 especially was a terrible time he had a perpetually sad look on his face all the time.

What we do know now/LA night 1:

Through out the whole american leg louis was happy, smiley, giggly. LA - he was happy, a lot more, one step ahead. A proud glow on his face. His absolute best friend oli, was too kind and loving to Freddie. Louis said I love you to F many times, genuinely delighted to have his son there.

As a fan, that made me realise all this time I haven't cared (shouldn't care) about anything other than louis feeling confident, joyful and successful in the way he deserves. Fans are being manipulated everyday by pop culture. we spend our time in the fandom fighting others (like people who this louis is straight and happy with Eleanor vs people who don't). But all that fades away when there's a smiley louis skipping on stage, singing beautifully.

Louies are questionable too -

a group thinks Eleanor is great

some hate otb project cuz it's forcing the gay on louis (pardon my words I'm just quoting)

some don't like to fact check and beleive nonsense like above sign thing and create scenarios

And so on. But everyone's end game is louis' music. It's hard to focus only on music and be a fan of an artist in today's hollywood celeb culture. Fandoms expect drama, gossip about the ex, easter eggs to facilitate theories because they want to feel closer to their favs. (this is only the sane fans absolutely not larries. For eg, swifities knowing that all too well is a sad break up song about her relationship with jake and even 10 years later they're not letting go of it, however embarassing that might be for ts and jake).

Before tour started I used to think about a lot- what if the universe were not cruel and the promo went along after tou and walls came out as a summer album as planned? Would that have been promoted more because hs2 was not in line? But would that mean we won't have had songs like kmm on walls ? So many questions with no answers.

I feel a bit sad that it took LA night one for me to truly realise and accept that I don't have to be right about everything and most things I think might have happened in louis' life might be far away from reality.

Louies are the perfect alternative for larries only because louies' primary focus is Louis the musician. You can't compare or equate them (us) to larries because larries don't care if he's successful or not, they don't even know his lyrics. Otherwise louies are not perfect and everyone don't have the same "vision"

They jumped the bandwagon with the sign yes, cuz someone in the audience said Freddie had a sign and it looks like he made it himself because of the juvenile handwriting. This assumption is not harmful to louis nor does it make them pathetic. It definitely is not harmful like larries replying with theories under the new RS guy's tweet asking about the pride flags in louis' concert. So no there's no equal comparison between louies and larries.

Well. I think having open dialogues is fine, but not at the expense of my own intelligence. I am not going to think “some reach is okay because it’s not as harmful.” When something is proven not factual, then it’s not factual. Sorry but that’s the way it is.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Circe Invidiosa

Circe Invidiosa has 11 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files stories at her website. Some of my favs I’ve recced here before, like Make It Worse and Slap a Goatee On Me and Call Me Evil. She also made a bunch of X-Files collage art, including some cover art for fics (hers and others), which you probably saw if you were reading fic back when authors posted fics on their own websites where art could be shared. Big thanks to Circe Invidiosa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Well, it would surprise me if people did read my fic. As it happens, I don't hear much feedback from my fic these days. Probably because the bulk of it is on Gossamer and my own site rather than AO3. Also, I was never a BNA. I worked a lot behind the scenes – hosting other authors' sites and making fanart and dustjackets. I think that's what I'd be remembered for, if anything.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience?

I miss the collective excitement and discussions we had as groups. When you got in with a group in the XF fandom, you felt like you knew everybody there. Now the fandom feels a little faceless except for the people I still follow from my old groups.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Most of my experience was on Yahoo Groups. I joined Scullyfic while it was still there and then E-muse when it became an e-mail list, which I'm still a part of. I was part of several Yahoo Groups (can't remember all of them now), where I'd post my fic, RealPlayer slideshows (remember those?!), and collages. I never really took part in discourse because I'm shy and don't think anyone cares about my opinions (still don't!). The e-mail address I used for those groups was purged a couple of years ago, so I've lost all those messages.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

My take away is that fanfic made me a better writer, thanks to having some great betas, and it made me a better professional writer for it (my real-life work is writing but not fun writing) because I learned to take criticism.

I also used to make a lot of fanart, collages and dustjackets for fic mostly. My big take away from that was that I really got into graphics and I got super proficient at Photoshop, which helped my own artistic endeavours and photography. I didn't realize how much skill I had developed until I've had to help someone with their graphics or photo editing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

My mother was watching X-Files before I was and she was raving about it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, but one thing she was usually right about was TV shows. It's where I got my love of Sci-Fi.

I think the first episode I watched was Ice, which definitely hooked me. As for when the shipping started, I remember we were watching Lazarus, and when Mulder was yelling at Lula (I had to look that up) about hurting the hostage Scully, my mom said, "Oh, he's so in love with her." And I was all, "What?! Pfff." But then I could not stop thinking about it. And then I thought about it way, way too much.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I was in my late 20s, and it was around the end of S7 and I kept thinking about what if these two dumb idiots actually talked one day. And I kept thinking about dialogue in my head about what they'd actually say. The internet was still in its infancy back then, but I'd seen fan sites here and there. So I decided to search around to see if other people were talking about it and thinking about it like I was. I was such a noob I'd never even heard of fanfic. Imagine my delight when I discovered it. I found a few stories and thought, 'Well, I can do that.' And I wrote up my first story, found a place to post it (wasn't Ephemeral the best?), got some kind feedback, found a really nice person (not sure she wants to be named since she used her real name in the fandom back in the day) who encouraged me a lot and directed me to all the e-mail lists and Yahoo Groups that I needed to be on, and then, Bob's your uncle, I wrote more and more.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Periphery. Most of my experience in any fandom is now on Tumblr because that's where my attention span is. Show me pretty pictures and funny stuff. I am old now and don't want to think hard.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Veronica Mars was my next fandom experience. A number of my XF friends got me hooked on VM. The VM fandom was a LOT younger compared to the XF fandom. When I joined the XF fandom, I was the kid compared to most of the other fans who were all goddesses and royalty in my eyes. But in the VM fandom, I was in my 30s and the rest of the fandom were all in their early 20s if not younger. It often showed, so I stayed out of discussions and just posted my fic once I started writing it. I took a new handle (invida) when I started writing VM fic. Just in case these kids felt like my writing sucked, I didn't want it getting back to the XF fandom that I’d branched out and failed spectacularly.

By then fandom experiences had moved over to LiveJournal. I never really got involved in the discourse or the fandom fights. I knew what people were saying and where the schisms were, but I was all about the fanfic and the pretty pictures. Most of my LJ friends just discussed the episodes and posted their fic and that was good with me.

What got me writing fic for VM was Anjou's brilliant VM fic Into the Blue. Seriously, if you love VM S1, read her fic. Just so beautiful.

VM was also where started writing a WIP, which was a wild trip. I wrote a much-loved WIP called Damn, Damn the Circumstance which people still ask me about finishing to this day. Someday…*wistful sighs*

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Scully. She was everything! Lapsed Catholic, degrees in science, skeptic, always trying to work within the rules but still not taking crap. Yeah, she was the best.

Veronica Mars was great until she wasn't. I have a lot of issues with her beyond S2. And don't even talk to me about S4. For me, S1 was the best, I enjoyed the movie, the books were okay, but nothing else happened after that. NOTHING.

And the first character I ever loved was Princess Leia. She was also everything to me growing up. I wanted to be her. I still do.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Now and then. Not as much as I used to. I sometimes have it on in the background when I'm doing other things. Back before the pandemic, my BFF and I would have get togethers where we would play Scrabble, eat a lot of candy, and binge several XF episodes. I miss doing that. Hopefully, we will get back to that soon.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I am not an active XF fanfic reader right now. I will read any stories my friends put out. Otherwise, I only occasionally read some I come across on Tumblr in my feed, but I am not seeking them out. I will beta for any XF author who asks me as well.

I am reading fic in other fandoms though – Endeavour, Broadchurch, Sherlock…huh, I'm just realizing that's a lot of British stuff. I have been really into British detective series for the last few years.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I used to run an XF fic recommendation site called How Will It End usually with at least one other person (I went through at least 4 partners on that project because I'm a control freak). We'd compile our recs and then I'd post them on my site. We'd also feature authors we really liked and interview them. Not unlike these interviews!

I'm terrible at giving feedback/comments. So I solved that problem by making a rec site. That way I could tell authors I loved their fics by recommending them. I didn't have to comment, I'd just say, 'I'd like to rec your fic'. And then they'd get promotion. Win-win. Back in those days, the fandom would absolutely roast you for promoting your own fic, so to get on a rec site was a big deal. Not that I had a popular rec site or anything. But I think authors really enjoyed being asked.

All that to say I've liked a lot of fics. I can pull up the archives of HWIE and show you all the faves I liked. :)

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Back in the day, E-muse would hold Improv Challenges, where other members would give you a prompt that you had to include in your fic. I was always really proud of the stories I created from those challenges (No Earthly Means and Elephant in the Room if you want to read them).

I enjoyed writing Dead to Rights which is an XF/Dead Like Me crossover because I loved the challenge of writing a crossover. It was the first crossover I ever tried writing even though I only recently published it.

Otherwise, I like re-reading In a Graveyard, Importuning Life for Life, and Some By Virtue Fall. Of my more recent fic, I like Slap a Goatee on Me and Call Me Evil because the premise was ridiculous and I think it's funny as all get out.

Probably my favourite of my VM fic was Stay Outta Riverdale. Because: 1. The title is a Simpsons reference who doesn't love a Simpsons reference? And 2. I think I was hilarious throughout it.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I'm always open to writing more fic (and, of course, I don't mean my WIPs…don't look at me like that). Lately, my only motivation has been from writing prompts on Tumblr. I haven't had anyone give me a prompt in over a year, so here we are. I have snippets of dialogue in journals and word documents that have never found their way into stories. I'd be happy to dust off any of those and shoehorn them into a new story.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

The last fanfic I wrote was a mini-fic over a year ago (with a prompt from Lilydale!). I've written a bit of original fiction but I haven't been able to finish it. Otherwise, I do have a number of real life hobbies which are where my creative outlets lie now.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Lately, challenges and prompts. It used to be from wanting to see more from a scene. I really had a thing for fill-in-the-blanks or scene continuations. And sometimes my motivation is just plain old spite. :)

What's the story behind your pen name?

Circe Invidiosa is the title of a painting by John William Waterhouse. Love the colours and the absolute malice on the face of the subject. It felt like a good pen name – the envious witch. That's me!

I chose it when I posted my first XF fic (which I cringe to read now, ugh so terrible) without knowing there was already a Circe in the fandom. Whoops. I tried to go by the full Circe Invidiosa or Invidiosa as much as possible after realizing that (invidiosa is my url and my username on a lot of sites, etc.). Now I think that I've been around long enough that it doesn't matter as much but I still like it.

As I said, I took the name Invida for the VM fandom which is just a shortening of Invidiosa.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My significant other knows and that was quite a reveal (oh how awkward). However, the SO has been very supportive and has read all my stories since the reveal and sometimes betas them. The SO also wants us to collaborate on writing some original fiction but we haven't found a project that works for both of us creatively or timewise.

My BFF knows because I dragged her into the online fandom. We've known each other since we were 14, but our love of XF really solidified our bond in our 20s. She wrote some short but sweet fics under the penname Helen Quilley which I bullied her into posting, and we wrote Of Ladies Most Deject and Wretched together. She is mostly embarrassed that she wrote fanfic now but we still fangirl together.

No one else really knows other than fandom folks I've met in real life. And some friends know I've written 'short stories' but I don't elaborate. I work in a stodgy, uptight industry where anything fun or actually having a life is frowned upon.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Over the first lockdown, I got my shit together and got my fic site, invidiosa.com, up and running again. My site houses fic by Rain (now @doctorhelena on Tumblr and AO3), Helen Quilley, ML (who I miss so much), Folieadeux, Shelba, TLynn, Oracle, Piper Sargasso, Diehard, and me. And I made all their dustjackets (except Folie's). The site got hacked a few years back and it was so much work to get running again that I put it off for years and years. I still feel terrible that I did not get the site back up before ML passed away, especially when ML had asked me about it a few months before she passed.

Anyway, all my XF fic is here: circe.invidiosa.com. I have 3 of my newer XF stories on AO3. And my fic-LJ also has some of my stories. Some of the newer stories are on Tumblr but the tagging is so erratic that I'd have to list several tags before you'd find them all. I don't know why I haven't moved everything over to AO3. Probably laziness.

I'm @invidiosa on Tumblr. I'm still on E-muse. I'm still on LJ. I'm always reachable by e-mail (invidiosa at gmail).

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, writing, and commenting. It is always appreciated.

(Posted by Lilydale on January 5, 2021)

[night-is-a-feeling]

Hii maia! top 5 fashion history facts (idk if that’s a good question but I guess u mentioned liking fashion history once so... skdjsjds) hope you’re doing great! 💕

omgosh sage! i’m so sorry this took me so long, this is an incredible hard question, and i’m so glad you asked it 🥺 this is going to be long and ranty i’m sure.

1. i wanna talk about trompe l’oeil, elsa schiaparelli, rationing during wwll, and inventive women at the time.

okay so this is like both a history story and a fact, i guess? so basically my love, my fav Elsa Schiaparelli was a brilliant fashion designer in the 1930s who was fascinated and heavily involved in the surrealist art movement. she was famous for designing on the intersection of fashion and art through surrealism. she was one of the first to play with the trompe l’oeil (trick the eye) technique within fashion, before this it was mainly used as an art technique. you know those shirts that have a peter pan collar? or a bow on the neckline? but they’re not real, it’s just stitching that creates an image of a bow? that’s what she was creating in the 30s. now the reason i told her story, is because her experimentation with trompe l’oeil and surrealism, left for an interesting fact from the 40s! during WWll most fabric was rationed, as most of it was needed for the war efforts, this radically changed the fashion industry. during this time it was still considered immodest for a women to be seen with bare legs. BUT the nylon that was used to create their pantyhose and stockings, was being heavily rationed. so they had to get creative. and these genius women realized that no one would notice if they just started painting the appearance of the seams in pantyhose up the backs of their legs. so that’s how they got through the war time, maintaining their modesty using the art of trompe l’oeil, while also baring their legs for all to see.

2. the originations of the “witchy” aesthetic and costume.

this is something i just read about and it blew my mind!! it’s one of the many fashion history things though that are both fascinating and deeply upsetting. so the basics are that for thousands of years, women were the brewers of the times. they were responsible for brewing all of the ale and beer consumed. this was a job they took on that afforded them freedom and a sense of independence, as they did not need men to accomplish this job. many widowers became brewmasters as a way to support themselves financially. now many of these women sold their brews at markets, and to be quickly identified they would wear large pointed hats, this help them be spotted and identified as having beer from far away. this isn’t the only identifiable iconography that we now associate with witches. they also hung brooms on their doors to signify that they had ale for sale, they kept cats to keep mice out of their product, they transported their brews in cauldrons, and relative to the times, they of course wore long dresses, often accompanied with draped cloaks. the change came in the 1500s when men realized they could profit off the production of beer, and began a long tradition of pointing to these women and yelling “witch” the occupation quickly became a death sentence for women to engage in. so that’s why our image of witches is actually just of old badass women brewmasters!

3. the gendering of pink and blue

it’s possible you’ve heard before that for many years the gendered ideas of these colours were swapped and also held very little prominence on our psyche. the thought was that pink was derived from red therefore it was a more passionate colour and blue was a more delicate, natural colour. it is also well documented that this kind of colour gendering was insignificant. that is until after WWll when the advertisement and sales generation took off. EVERYTHING was deeply ingrained with capitalism (still is),and everyone was buying into it. this girls wear pink, boys wear blue idea. was started by a department store that wanted to sell more product. and by gendering their products they were able to massively convince the western world that you had to subscribe to these ideals. it’s the norm after all. this forced the hand of many parents to buy more product just to support the idea of gender. baby boomers were the first generation to grow up in gender specific clothing before the age of 6.

4. monograms and louis vuitton

this is way more an origin story than a fun fact... sooo we all know the famous louis vuitton monogram, i’m sure most of us could point one out on the street. BUT maybe less commonly known is that LV is the creator of the modern monogram, and was somewhat the fashion originator of branding of this type. LV was originally just a trunk maker, he built and revolutionized the luggage industry. he invented a new waterproof canvas fabric to use for his trunks, essentially declaring leather as a terrible choice, because it made your clothes smell weird. (most of LV bags to this day are still made from this canvas and not leather) and because of the waterproof nature of his trunks, he was able to build them as perfect boxes that were stackable (easier for travel), whereas a domed top was always the way before. with this fame, came MANY counterfeits. so he worked to create a print that would separate his work from those of the counterfeits. eventually the counterfeit designers caught on, and made theirs with the same print. this went on for three rounds before louis passed away in 1892 and his brand was left to his son george, who ran into the same counterfeit issues. so george created an intricate multi faceted monogram print, that would become so synonymous with louis vuitton, that it is still the most recognizable monogram in the fashion world. what is so fascinating to me about this origin story, is that people today will look at a LV bag and immediately think “fake” so it’s really funny to me that this house that spent its first 40 years working SO HARD to be unique and decidedly not fake, and yet still to this day people think FAKE! immediately upon seeing that monogram.

5. bathing machines, and bathing costumes

ummm help! this is one of the funniest things, but also somewhat upsetting. okay so the history of bathing suits is intensely intricate and seeped in misogyny. and this fact is not any different. now there are many instances of these being used in the early to mid 1700s within europe, which makes more sense because at the time bathing in the nude was a commonality. and these offered modesty. however!!! they remained prevalent within europe and mainly england well into the 1800s even after bathing costumes became the norm. basically these modesty protectors, were small huts that were built on carriages. women would come to the beach, walk up the steps into one of the available bathing machines, change into her swimming costume. and you’ll never guess what happens next!! the fucking carriage is pulled into the water by horses! this was so that the women could slip straight out of the changing room directly into the water, and not a soul had to see the immodesty and immorality that was a women in a swimming costume. ya know, even though the swimming costume was a head to toe thick wool covering. even that was ✨immodest✨ anyways please google these, because genuinely i cannot believe they are real.

ask me my top 5 or top 10 anything

[jensonsbuttons]

‘hello hello better late than never!!! welcome to my 2020 creators wrapped!!! thank you for the tags my wonderful friends: @lewixco @shoeydaniel @pierreswrists you are all wonderful people yourselves!!!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

5. Who is this guy? Edit Series - this one was SUCH a fun series cause I eventually jumped on the bandwagon and asked my friend who the drivers and some team bosses were. It was so cool to get her to answer and as lame as it is, i had never edited anything so even taking that first step to make something was really cool for me!! I’m still laughing at a few of my favs. including: one of the guys in the elevator with Captain America, the “i had to do it to them” guy but pumpkin spice latte version, and Lewis!! (yes she straight up knew who Lewis was I am still so proud)

4. out there’s a land where time don’t command - HAHAAHA THIS ONE. OOF. So...i can’t explain why i love this one other than the fact that i just do.  Like...its so so simple but i saw that damn picture of seb and daniel and it looked like they should’ve been under stars so then i go oh! stars -> camping. And the idea was born. I didn’t even write it in a shippy way i just really wanted to write something with those two. I think i’m also proud of it because it was the first time for me writing seb and truthfully, i still stand by my characterization of him. Anyway its just such a soft fic and i love it so so much. It’s very near and dear to my heart and if you ever want to get to know me as a person, there are many clues in that fic with some choices of characterization or phrases or whatever.

3. but it would’ve been fun if you could’ve been the one - even though this is maxiel and i don’t write them anymore, this fic holds SUCH a deep spot in my heart because it was the first thing i ever felt confident enough to show anyone else. Like sure okay i wrote stuff for years and whatever but none of it ever felt good enough. Then, I hear “the 1″ by Taylor Swift and I just got so fixated on this idea. I spent the entire night writing and published it the next day. I got great feedback from it and just...it felt right and good. It felt like i had finally found a supportive enough community to encourage my random song fics and whatnot. So, it holds soft spot not only for getting me to write again but to actually introducing me to so many other wonderful and talented people.

2. The One Where They All Go To College - This fic is honestly so much fun to write. My good ‘ol fixation on the tv show Community inspired me to write a really fun fic about the. twitch quartet and a few others attending a college. That’s an absolute terrible summary but i love writing it and i’m proud it cause it kind of shows how far my writing has come this year. I linked to my mood board i made for it but that link also has the link to the story if anyone wants to read it!!! i. know i’m shocked its not number one, even though i’m extremely proud. of it...there’s one i’m more proud of....

1. laughing ‘til our ribs get tough but that will never be enough - there are moments that i’m still SHOCKED i wrote this. not because of the content but because of the style. and let’s be real here, Lorde wrote it as much as i did since I blasted “Ribs” the entire time i wrote this. Again it was another one of those that would not leave me alone until i wrote it and it even started out as an actual song fic! HOWEVER (a little author’s commentary here) i could not figure out some of the ways to...direct I guess. I wanted specific tones of esteban yelling or pierre chuckling and unfortunately, it wasn’t a screenplay. Back when i wrote screenplays and scripts it was so much easier to put LITERAL directions in there. So what did i do but put my passion for music and turn it into a writing style. I used musical directions to convey the feelings i was struggling with and while that isn’t a mind blowing concept, it was for me. I’m so so proud of how this one turned out and i will always be chasing the high of me figuring out that you can use musical directions in fics.

THANK YOU FOR THOSE THAT HAVE CREATED CONTENT ALL THROUGHOUT THIS YEAR. YOU ARE ALL INCREDIBLE AND AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU ALL AND ALL THE HARD WORK YOU POUR INTO YOUR FICS, EDITS, ETC. 

[be-dazzled]

I really think Miraxus is the most hated ship in the FT fandom... There's hate in the miraxus tag which is terrible because Miraxus tag already got anything much new and it's easy to pick on a ship that no one will say anything against it because in this hellsite no one likes them (: sometimes I feel like givin up and thats make me sad because I really thought they are my favs but how this site treats them is startin to make me feel bad and why miraxus fans are so quiet...

Hiiii Anon!

Aw. Reading your message makes me feel sad because I know you are sad. So let me try to cheer you up, Anon. That’s my job for today.

First, I am not really in the position to confirm whether or not Miraxus is the most hated ship in the fandom. I’m not as active as the others so I guess I don’t get to see that hatred thrown to the ships. I heard that the FT fandom has the worst ship wars, which is sad because I am sure that is not Mashima’s intention. I come across a few anons questioning my choice of ships. One even called me, not outright but impliedly, as a fake. But you know what I say to them? To hell with all of you. I shouldn’t be defending my choice because my choice is my own. I can ship whatever my heart desires and no one can tell me I can’t. As long as I don’t go against any established generally accepted rules, norms or what we call in law as jus cogens. In simple terms, Anon, so long as I don’t push for those ships which are glaringly unacceptable (promotes rape, murder, pedophilia), so long as I don’t go against my own moral standards then I can ship whatever, whoever I want. It’s my right as a person. It’s my prerogative. Which brings me to my next point…

Second, Mashima’s choice for his end-game ships. I do believe and stand by Miraxus, Anon. I do think that Hiro has teased us about Miraxus in his spin-offs, twitter posts, even the main FairyTail manga. There are so many Miraxus moments! I don’t want to get too detailed about it here but I already made a response to one Anon who questioned Miraxus in here (be-dazzled).

This may be not be the kind of response you were wishing to receive from me but hear me out first, Anon. Mashima owns the right to FairyTail as its creator. We have to be grateful to Hiro Mashima for creating such wonderful world and beautiful characters that helped us through what we are going through. He reserves the right to it and as the creator/writer, Mashima has every right to whichever ship he wants to end up together. We need to accept that so that we can let go of all this hate, Anon. If Laxus ends up with someone else, that’s okay with me. I’ll hate it at first. I’ll cry about it. I’ll swear the world off because of it. I will forever be scarred by it. I’ll mourn the death of my ship. But when I get all of those emotions out, I know to myself that I will understand his choice. Because, again, it’s his choice. Take for example, J.K. Rowling of the Harry Potter series. She admitted that Harry and Hermoine was the more sensible ship but that Hermoine and Ron was her personal choice. That it was her conscious decision despite the fact that, as a writer, she saw Harry and Hermoine should have been endgame. In the same spirit that I don’t wanna be questioned about my choice of ships, as it is my right, writers/creators shouldn’t be hated either for their choices. It is a prerogative that belongs to them to end the story however they deem, feel or see fit. I ship Miraxus and I hope in all hopes that they are endgame.

Third, your feelings are pretty valid, Anon. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you feel sad about Miraxus not getting the love we all think they deserve, I am with you on that, Anon. I have to admit that I succumb to such feelings also, like giving up. But I sleep it off, I distance myself from social media (cleansing), reread chapters, look for fanarts/official arts, read fanfiction. Try to visit @fallen029 or @thedemon05 or @aconstellationofmemories . I just try to regain my footing and stabilize my emotions, letting my logical side take over. Luckily, I found people who I can share the love for Miraxus with (I’m on a Miraxus discord). I’m not alone in this fight. And you shouldn’t feel that either. 

Sometimes, I really feel sad that I don’t get many notes on my Miraxus material but then I remind myself that it was my choice to ship a slightly popular ship so I have to accept the consequences. Tbh, I was even scared of starting my major Miraxus fanfic because for sure people will sleep on it. Then I remembered, I do this for me so why should I depend on others liking it? The messages and comments boost me up but I shouldn’t depend on that. Miraxus inspires me; that’s all that matters.

Lastly, I’d like to wrap it up and I hope by this time Anon you are feeling better. The FT fandom really fell quiet after the end of FairyTail. I guess, that’s just the natural course of things. My last point anon is that nothing’s confirmed yet. All the Laxus ships are still on fanon stage. Mashima doesn’t wanna wrap it up. That gives us hope so let’s keep on hoping! It’s not yet the end if it’s not yet the finals. Hehe. And don’t mind the haters, Anon. We really can’t preach to deaf ears. It’s pretty useless and a waste of energy.

So the next time you feel like giving up, Anon. Just come to me. Message me here on tumblr. If you don’t feel comfortable about that then maybe stay on anon. Let’s talk to our hearts’ content. Alright? You are not alone in this ship. I am your Captain. If not, then I’m that girl that pushes the boat against the raging storms. Push with me, Anon! Push. With. Me!

[uneryx]

Renee Gets Salty About Dark Magic

This post got long, and got away from me, so I’ll tl;dr it

1. dark magic is a metaphor for consumption and materialism and is ultimately bad because it harms others unnecessarily and is not a sustainable resource

2. the elves were dicks for banishing humans but (especially if humans sucked all the magic out of the land themselves) they were kind of justified, even if it was an extreme measure

3. Eating meat is not the same as dark magic if you’re looking at things from an animistic point of view, which the elves likely do

4. it’s okay to like problematic characters and you don’t have to portray Ezran as a monstrous enfant terrible to feel okay about thinking Viren is justified in what he does.  In fact, pretty please stop doing this, everyone in all fandoms. It’s fine if you don’t like the protags but that doesn’t mean you get to say Ezran or Rayla or whoever is EVIL. It’s called Ron the Death Eater and it’s a fandom trope that has pissed me off for going on fifteen years. Deliberately misreading the text isn’t cute. Stop doing it.

5. The show isn’t over, be patient, you’ll probably get to see some comeuppance for stuff anyway. And if you don’t, there’s always fanfiction. 

6. For the love of baby adoraburrs please tag posts that go in the vein of “the writing is bad because Viren is portrayed as a classic villain/elves good humans bad/the protags aren’t held accountalbe” with “TDP CRITICAL” I would greatly appreciate it because I’m getting super annoyed with posts that deliberately misrepresent canon to uphold a favored side and it’s affecting my enjoyment of the show. Now! Actual long and discourse-heavy post under the cut!

 Ugh I don’t want to start a big ol’ argument with people because I’m still on vacation and don’t want to spend the rest of today arguing about cartoons on the internet, but this has been on the kettle for a while and I feel QUITE STRONGLY about some of these things, so just... let me express my views here and don’t come for me because I’m about to talk about religion and sociology. 

Dark Magic is a metaphor for unchecked consumption and capitalism.  1. The theory i’m seeing floating around that got my dander up is that the elves and dragons drained the western half of the continent of magic to keep magic away from humans. I think that, based on what we’ve learned from canon, this is highly unlikely and would be weaker writing than what I think actually happened. Instead, Dark magic was going on for a good solid 800 years (Rise of Elarion is 2000 years before canon) before Sol Regem faced off with Viard (1200 years before canon). The division of Xadia was another 200 years after that. Humans had a solid honking millennium of unchecked dark magic. It is quite likely that the reason the west is entirely devoid of magic, and that humans were banished there, is because they sucked all the magic out of that half themselves. Poor innocent baby humans nothing. They got a taste of power and progress and, like real world humans, let that get WAY out of control.

2. “But Lujanne eats bugs, she’s a hypocrite for saying Claudia can’t squish bugs for pancakes” I want you to go down to your local new-age/witchy bookstore and find yourself an animist that eats meat. You are going to get glared at SO HARD if you whip out the “you think animals have souls but you eat meat!” chestnut. Because here’s the thing.

Eating meat/animal products is an act of life, necessary to sustain the life of someone else. We don’t vilify wolves for eating deer. You gotta eat to live your life, and the human (or, we can assume, bipedal humanoid) diet includes a need for complex protein chains, quite often found in animal meat. 

But the reason that we find cannibalism repulsive in western society is because it’s eating another human, despite the fact that humans are made of meat. It’s eating something that we consider sentient, dignified and possessed of a soul. Of course, the taboo also derives from the fact that you can contract prion disease from consuming human meat, but people in 11th century Normandy didn’t know that.  It is quite likely, especially given what we’ve seen of magical creatures and Ezran’s ability to talk to animals, that elves view non-human/elf creatures as sentient and possessed of a soul. If that’s the case, then OF COURSE they would see dark magic as horrific.

But eating meat is not on the same level because, as we see from the assassins, death is a part of life, and sometimes necessary. I imagine that hunting and taking a creature’s life for food is an act that is done with respect. The creatures are honored or thanked before they’re eaten or turned into leather. Highly ritualized to dignify that creature’s life.  Dark magic doesn’t do that. Dark magic sucks the whole life out, without so much of a how do you do.  It’s treating a person like a thing. It’s sucking all the life and essence out of someone so you can shoot fireballs or make fluffy pancakes. Lets be real - you don’t need to do either of those things, so the creature thus died in vain. 3. “The elves are selfish bastards for hogging all the magic.” I agree. Granted, their attitudes may have cooled in the ensuing centuries. It’s a new dawn, the era of Zubeia. We might see elves getting over their uppity selves and working to help teach humans magic. We might also see the show explore that kind of prejudice as Callum learns more magic. In fact, I hope we do. However, two wrongs dont make a right.  If Japan bombs the absolute fuckshit out of Hawaii, that does not make it okay to flash-fry Nagasaki with a weapon that blights the land and its people for years and years afterward.

To the elves (who are magical creatures and therefore totally usable as spell components), that’s what dark magic is. Suddenly, haha oh fuck, the humans have a fucking NUKE that every elf and dragon in Xadia is vulnerable to.  If a weapon was devised that ONLY a certain portion of the population was affected by, you better bet your sweet bippy that people would panic and make it forbidden and illegal, and severely punish the people who created it. ESPECIALLY if those people were already marginalized. Sucks, don’t it? Doesn’t mean the writing is bad for portraying people having a realistic reaction to something that is harmful to them. The elves aren’t justified in hogging the magic, and I hope future chapters will explore that. But the elves ARE a liiiiiittle bit justified in freaking out. I hold they could’ve come up with a better solution than BANISH HUMANS, but they didn’t. Makes for interesting story conflict, doesn’t it? 4. “Humans NEED dark magic!” / “Calling dark magic a shortcut is dumb” Did they tho? Did they really? Really really? We, modern day humans, don’t NEED smart phones (which rely on several rare earth minerals and are causing untold ecological disaster in areas where they’re miend). We, modern day humans, don’t NEED coal power (which is controlled by coal companies, who keep telling us that we totally do, despite many scientists saying that renewable energy is ready to go whenever). We don’t NEED blackberries from Mexico year-round, or a whole hell of a lot of the things we have come to rely on and consider part of our every day lives. All of these things are unnecessary and shortcuts to progress.

The only - ONLY! - good, necessary thing we’ve seen in canon that dark magic was required for was using the magma titan’s heart for saving people from famine.

A lot of the complaints about sustainable energy and efforts to heal the planet as climate change become increasingly a crisis stem from the fact that doing things RIGHT, in a way that is sustainable and doesn’t strip every last resource out of our home, is that it takes time. It takes SO MUCH TIME to do things properly. Yeah, we can keep going with our coal and our gas-guzzler cars and our fracking and our rare-earth metals... but we ARE going to run out. And then what?  Dark magic is the same principle. Eventually, you’re going to run out of resources. 

5. Where I think the show is going My main beef with those (and there’s a lot of ya, so I’m not intending to single anyone out) who say that the writing is lazy for dark magic bad elfs good is that the show is not over. Wonderstorm is doing their damndest to give us the saga. And they’ve said, out right, that there WILL be books, if nothing else.

You can’t judge a story’s merits when it’s only been half told. Right now, what the show has done is it has shown us the worst and best of the elves (for example, Khessa’s purity test vs Rayla refusing to kill Ez so she doesn’t perpetuate a cycle of violence) and the worst and best of the humans (ex: Viren forcibly turning thousands of people into monsters against their will vs Viren risking his life in order to save thousands of people from famine). The show has done well to demonstrate that there is good and bad in everyone, and it’s the choices you make and the respect you show others’ autonomy that makes you a good or bad person. The dominoes are in place. The saga has only begun. Being mad that Ezran burned an army (that he likely knew from Soren was invulnerable to fire) or that Aanya shot Kasef in the face (when Opeli would have told her that Kasef conspired behind Ezran’s back to usurp the throne, which is AN ACT OF WAR btw) means you aren’t looking at the big picture. There WILL be consequences for those actions in later seasons, mark my words.

I’m sorry if you’re a Viren or Claudia stan, but they have made choices that hurt other people, and it is in no way shape or form Ezran or Callum or Rayla or ANYONE ELSE’S fault that they made the choices they did. Instead of being mad at the show for not portraying your fav as an innocent victim, be glad that you got such a wonderfully complex set of villains who, quite likely, will get a bomb-ass redemption arc. In fact, I’ll bet you anything that Viren’s walk back from the edge has already begun. The dude fucking DIED, and he’s not going to be eager to get in there and get all grabby with the power any time soon. 

That’s what good writing IS - conflict. Tension. People making morally questionable choices. We like it because every day people are hypocrites and morally questionable. You, and I, and everyone we know. Nobody’s perfect and getting cranky and painting the protagonists with the broad villain brush so you can feel good about liking a problematic fave is... some peak tumblr bullshit, tbh.  It’s okay to like characters who aren’t perfect. How fucking boring fiction would be if everyone was perfect.

Now if I can ask my mutuals to please tag their criticisms of the show that go in the vein of “the writing is bad because dark magic is portrayed so negatively/they don’t hold the protags accountable/elves good humans bad” with “TDP critical” I would greatly appreciate it. It’s getting to the degree where things are becoming very not fun and making me cranky.  Thank you, Renee out. 

[halfusek]

I'm terribly sorry for bothering you and you don't have to answer, but I wanted a second opinion on this because the information about Sammy has left me afraid and anxious because to me he's sorta my comfort character :/ would you say it's bad to still have him as a fav, even if I had understood and still understand he's genuinely not a nice guy?

I think it’s okay

What happened here is not bad writing more like... using the wrong character that is a fan favourite to address an issue

But it makes sense. People used to be less sensitive, and hell, even everyone EVERYONE nowadays happen to slip up and do something insensitive

I guess that’s how we learn

But it’s just... not about the intentions but the outcome you know?

And it’s something to think about. Not necessarily thinking of Sammy as a really bad person. Insensitive but also noting it for yourself

“Watch your mouth”, basically

It’s not anything drastic, more like a cold bucket of reality

The biggest issue I have with it is that they didn’t have to use Sammy for that

They could have made some random character but then it wouldn’t leave any impact, would it

The book wanted to address some issues and honeslty it did a very good job on that

Even what Joey does makes sense

Like there are a few moments with Joey like that but, keeping in mind it’s the 40s, he’s pretty progressive as for these times. So, I guess it’s just the need to keep it realistic

I don’t mean he’s an innocent babu, mind you, what’s been done has been done

But it... makes sense

I guess, it just bursts our safe bubble of batim being a perfectly safe for minorities studio in 30s-40s

It didn’t have to be brought up but it could and so they did bring it up

And THAT’s the issue. They didn’t have to. But they did

But I guess it’s just a reminder that we all do shit sometimes

And not that it’s okay

It sucks that it happens and it shouldn’t be this way

Thought despite Joey having his moments, he doesn’t discriminate against anyone, he only cares for the talent and created a workspace that many people, usually discriminated against, can work at and climb up the social ladder

But he’s climbing that ladder too and is afraid of those on his/upper levels of looking down on him so he gives into That Crap

At least that’s how I see it, I can be wrong of course

Yall know very well how vague BATIM is. DCTL is sorta the same, however we get a lot of stuff clarified

So that’s honestly just that

They are not perfect people, far from that actually, but these were unusual screw ups but they do get shamed for it, verbally or in Buddy’s mind so it’s not like the book just brings it up and does nothing

I gotta say that what I have been worried about (bringing up the holocaust) was handled so so well... it hurts but it’s still done well. Just the other stuff was kinda unexpected and they should have warn the readers about it

Though there is nothing against still being a fan of Sammy

And definitely nothing worth throwing a fit about

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Guys I did it! *Sobs violently*

Alright, here’s my list of recommended fics you super awesome humans. 

As I said in my other post, writers helping writers is awesome so I’m so happy to tell you some of the fics I’ve read that I love. Go show these amazing people some love for the time and effort they have put in to create wonderful fics. Any fics I mention have been read by me (multiple times with some), and I totally recommend them. 

I’m gonna do this in a few ways, first off, I’ll section Archive of Our Own separately to FanFic.net, just to make it easier for me to grab the links. Ao3 has a nifty little thing where you can see your reading history so I can grab them from there, with FF, I need to go through and find them, pray for me lololol.

I’ll also be separating the Boondock Saints ones and Daryl ones, just for your ease, if you're only interested in one and not the other. The Daryl ones are only on Archive, because I haven't really read any over on FF for some reason, don't ask me why, I just haven't.

They’re not in any particular order, just as I see them, I'll grab them.

These aren’t all the fics I’ve read, some of the ones I love have been deleted by the writer, which breaks my heart honestly, and some of them I just can't remember.

It’s so fucking long guys, brace yourselves, I’ll put it under the cut.

So, here we go!

Archive of Our Own [Boondock Saints]

- One of Three 

I really like this one and you guys should really check it out.

Author Summary; She had cocooned herself, letting routine and safety run her life. After everything she knew it wasn't much of one, and because she decided to do the right thing her life's about to hit a tailspin in some of the worst and most fantastic ways.

This is a Murphy/OC/Connor story and it’s amazing.

Chapters; 18

- Boondock Saints OC Arc

This ones a little different because it's not set out like the usual fic. Its an arc and some bits have one chapter, one of arcs even has 36. They all follow the same storyline and it flows like a normal fic, the author has just chosen to post it this way, and it works.

Author summary; The story of one girl's first up close and personal encounter with one of the brothers on a late-night subway.The 1st story in my Boondock Saints OC story arc.

This is a Murphy/OC/Connor fic, and it's one of my favs honestly, I've read it all numerous times.

Chapters; I can't give you an exact number with the way it's set out, but as I said, one arc alone has 36, so there's plenty to sink your teeth into.

- Everybody Knows

I love this one, it's short and sweet.

Author summary; Everybody knows exactly what Marissa needs to do to get over her recent breakup. She's spent the last month in mourning and her friends are ready for her to move on...

Murphy/OC/Connor.

Chapters; 4, but there's also a sequel which is 5 chapters long, I won't post the link for that since when you've read this one, the option to click on to the next part is at the bottom.

- Saints Alive

I looooove this one!

Author summary; Skid is once again on her own and she has to find a new place. Luckily for her, she knows a friend who knows a guy who knows of a place for free. Downside is it's in the South side of Boston where crime is rather terrible. Of course, with two Irish brothers as new next door neighbors, what's the worst that could happen? 

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 7

- Time Zero Blues

Okay, so this one, omfgjwoehdjshndloihd. This is one of my favvvvvs of all time, I’ve read it so many times, if you don't read it, I just might cry.

Author summary; Murphy and Connor get out of work early and are headed to McGinty's. Murphy finds a trail of Polaroids along the way that lead them to an unexpected situation. 

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 23

- Sacrament of Penance

If you’re after something to get you hot and bothered, this is it :’)

Author summary; "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) Pure PWP, sacrilege, and gratuitous smut.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 5

- Robyn Hood

This one is mine! Lololol. I’m not recommending it because I’m saying its good, but I haven't posted it here because honestly I’m lazy, so if you wanna read another one of my multi-chapter fics, then hop on over :)

Author summary; When Robyn gets thrown into the life of The Saints, it causes a big stir between the brothers. The boys deal with their feelings for her in very different ways, and all of their lives get turned upside down. Connor/OC/Murphy.

Slightly AU, set a year after the first film, they don't go back to Ireland.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 15

- Choíche Is go deo

Another one of mine I’m pretty sure I’ve never posted here.

Author summary; Follow Niamh Flannagan as she grows up with the twins in Ireland and watches them turn from boys into men. How will they both deal with having feelings for her? Will jealousy get in the way? 

Murphy/OC/Connor.

Chapters; 8

Fanfic.net [Boondock Saints]

- Risk it all

I’m in love with this one, it’s really fucking good.

Author summary; Nolee moved to South Boston with a hope to escape her past and make a better life for herself. What she didn't plan on was the peculiar Murphy MacManus coming into picture and breaking down everything she thought she knew. As they attempt to bond, can she overcome her tainted old life and let down her walls? Especially with one extra problem: she's already pregnant.

Murphy/ OC

Chapters; 22

- Warrior Shepherds

Another one of my all time favs. I love the dynamics of the characters and how well the boys are written. There’s some serious humour thrown into the mix and I laughed out loud so many times when I read this one. You’ll also be pleased to know this author is on Tumblr, @risingphoenix761. If the username looks familiar, it's because I tag her in all of my shit and recently wrote her a BDS drabble for her birthday. She's an awesome human, so check her out :D

Author note; They were called to destroy evil, but crossing paths with a wayward soul meant compromise. And in compromising, the MacManus brothers get more than they bargained for. Connor/OC/Murphy (rated M for violence, language, and sexual content)

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 37

- Amaryllis

Also by @risingphoenix761, and equally good and worth a read.

Author summary; She wasn't necessarily in their plans. They definitely weren't in hers. Yet between fate, coincidence, a few misadventures and some small favors, plans don't count for much anyway. Now the only question is, are they really just friends?

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 6

- Two Lads and A Lass

I love this one!

Author summary; This is a story about my OFC, Timi, who meets the MacManus brothers a year and a half before they become the Saints of Boston. Follow their adventures as Murphy and Connor try to pull the shyness out of Timi and teach her what love and fun truly is.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 27

- Her Defenses

Yet another high on my list, I love everything about this story.

Author summary; "What do you two see in me that makes you want to try and fix me?" A new life in Boston meant giving up everything she had back home. That never meant that she had to give up her defenses at the same time. Rated M for language and (future) adult situations.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 40

- A Saint, A Sinner

Now this one right here, I have probably read so many times I know it word for word, I’m not even kidding. This is very high on my list. The boys are written perfectly, I love every fucking thing about this one, and there's some very interesting hot and heavy shit along the way.  If you only read one fic of this list, it needs to be this one.

Author summary; Connor M./OC/Murphy M. BDS prequel/romance. What happens when you drink whisky with the boys? It's got it all: romance (as far as the boys can DO romance), fluff, hurt/comfort, plot, canon plus research. Rated for MacManus mouth, violence, & explicit three-way smut (no twincest). Note: The BDS belong solely to T. Duff

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; Now it says 87, but the author has been reworking this fic so it's actually about 67 I think? I’m unsure, and the chapters are a little shorter than usual fics. It’s still amazing and a lot for you to immerse yourself in.

- Saints Angel

Another good one you need to check out.

Author summary; The Saints help to protect everyone in their city, but what if they had a protector of their own? In comes a woman, a hurt, young, lovely woman that was rescued by them, given a new life. To her, they are her boys and she will now do anything to protect them. She will become their Angel...forever to walk by their side...forever to watch over them. 

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 21

- Once More, With Feeling

This one is perfect quite honestly, I fucking love the OC so much and everything about this fic.

Author summary; [HIATUS - UNDER REVISIONS][ConnorxOCxMurphy] Avery, an emotionally independent journalist becomes complicated by her simultaneous feelings for both of the twins. As their secret life of vigilante world unfolds, Avery is left unattended to an entitled, delusional psychopath.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 9

- Alexis's Saints

Another one I absolutely love.

Author summary; Alexis just recently moved to South Boston with her mother. When a nightmare from her past returns full force, she runs into the MacManus brother's and despite trying to stay away from them, she finds herself growing attached to the two brothers as the three try to figure each other out. Rated M for language and some adult themes. Please Enjoy

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 13

- The Possessed 

This one is fucking amazing. It’s so different from any other BDS fic I’ve read and well worth the read. There's also a sequel which is Connor/OC, so if you wanna read that, click on their username after reading this one and give that one a read too.

Author summary; She is possessed by something evil and supernatural. They have been asked to help save her, to call upon their faith, but one of them is struggling to believe in anything anymore. If she can't be saved then they will be forced to kill her. Do they have the strength to do what they must? Can he believe in something again? 

Murphy/OC

Chapters; 19

- The Librarian

I love the humour in this one and just everything about it.

Author summary; "You're murderers." Rhetta held up a hand, "And please don't give me a speech about how you only killed 'evil' men. I've heard it all before. And while I do agree that the men you killed deserved it, I do not believe that you have the right to take the law into your own hands." "So, you're no' a fan?"

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 17

OKAY, I’m gonna leave it at that for the BDS ones, I know there's more but you have no idea how long that just took me, omg lolololol.

Archive of Our Own [Daryl]

- His Walls

This one is so fucking good, it’s number two on my list of Daryl fics. I love how it starts off with young Daryl, they write him so well and exactly how I imagine him to be. It’s soooooo good guys, read it

Author summary; People build up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down. Truer words have never been spoken where Daryl Dixon was concerned. He never expected anyone to care enough, until someone did.

Starts out AU with 20 yr old Daryl, from Chapter 22 on out we'll be in the ZA-world.

M-rating for smut, language, adult topics, descriptions of abuse & attempted rape.

Chapters; 51

- Gorgeous

I hadn't actually read this one before, but I came across it when searching for ones I had read, and I fucking loved it. Young Daryl is my jam and this was so well written and just a good read. It’s a young Daryl AU, so the rest of the twd characters are in it too, like Rick his best friend, Maggie the readers best friend etc. 

Author summary; After meeting Daryl on the way home from a party the reader hatches a plan to get him to like her. But if it isn't friends and well-meaning King County citizens that tell her to stay away from him than it's Daryl himself, who's trying to keep his own feelings from coming to the surface.

Chapters; 16

- 357 Daryl Jerkin' It Drive

This one is a little different, this is a collection of works by the writer where they write not only about Daryl, but a lot of different characters Norman has played. As you can tell by the title, they’re all smut based, and well worth the read. It's also worth mentioning that the writer also has a tonne of other Daryl stories so make sure to head onto their profile to check everything else out, it would take too long to link them all here. Most of them are AU Daryl which I love and they're a really talented writer.

Author summary; none.

Chapters; it's hard to say since its a collection, most are one-shots but I know at least two of the works in there are nine chapters each.

- Night Stalker

Okay I lied, this is the same author as above and the next one is too because it's a sequel to this, but they're my favs by this author, I love them. They're a little dark and they're AU, but if you're like me, you'll love them. I recently recommended the sequel to this one to someone in my ask box.

Author summary; Daryl is mentally unstable, but functioning. He falls in love.

Chapters; 15

- Walking in the Light

The sequel to the above story, I’m in love with it, read it now!

Author summary; Sequel to "Night Stalker". Daryl is improving under the care of his new nurse, Krissy. He is still confused by the hallucination, and why Krissy reminds him so much of Kristin.

Chapters; 17

- Just Another Day

Another AU Daryl story that is amazing.

Author summary; Redemption. It's a concept Daryl Dixon is completely unfamiliar with- but desperately needs. It lives in his dreams, where he's a hero among men in the zombie apocalypse... but that's not real life. Real life is sorrow, loneliness, and pain. Until he meets his beautiful neighbor- then its possibility, hope, and maybe a bullet to the brain.

Chapters; 15

- In The Little Town of Jasper…

Yet another amazing AU Daryl story. Are you sensing a theme here? Looool. I’m pretty sure this is the same author as His Walls that I recommended, but I’m too lazy to check. 

Author summary; -Abrasive. Yes, that description fit him perfectly. The guy smelled like trouble, and she knew he would get even more abrasive the longer she talked to him. Too bad she didn't care. -A pretty stranger that talked to him, knew his name and his place of work? In Daryl's book, that just couldn't be good news. AU - Daryl Dixon/OC, Explicit for language and sexual situations. Yes smut!

Chapters; 65

- Second Hand Hearts

This is another fic I highly recommend you read. (Duh, or it wouldn't be on the list, God Sarah ur like so annoying) :’)

Author summary; In her darkest hour, a woman who has lost everything is rescued by a handsome man with a crossbow and nothing to lose-until he meets her. In a nightmarish new world, where the dead prey on the living, can they beat the odds and together make life worth living again?

Chapters; 32

- Transference

Another AU Daryl one, but it’s so fucking good and different to a lot I’ve read.

Author summary; Be warned. This is a story about Daryl seeking out a different and not so mainstream relationship. It is 100% consensual and he asks for it. He seeks out what he wants so if you have read the tags and you continue to read it's on you. Xoxoxox Krissy

Chapters; 14

- Hope is a Waking Dream

I know I keep saying I love the fics, but I do, clearly. This one though is another favourite of mine and you really need to read it. I love the dynamic between the OC and Daryl.

Author summary; Set between Seasons 2 and 3. Melissa Sheppard is alone in the ZA, but she was alone before the dead owned the earth. She prefers it that way. Boy, is she pissed when she gets back to her cabin to find it has been taken by strangers.

Chapters; 24

- Paths Crossed

I’m getting sick of hearing myself say I love it over and over, so just fucking read it and make me happy! *sobs*

Author summary; While out hunting Daryl comes across a stranger and decides to help her despite his better judgement and they begin on their journey together.

Chapters; 61

- Daryl Dixon Loves Me

This is another I hadn't actually read until now when I was searching, I actually really loved it. It's full of smut and that's never a bad thing. It took me a couple of chapters to really get into it, but it's really worth the read.

Author summary; Daryl comes across Lucy (OC) in the woods and claims her for his own. The story begins during the Farmhouse era of the series.

Chapters; 14

- A Star In A Sea Of Darkness; Darkness In A Sea Of Stars

Another one, just read it.

Author summary; After the Governor attacked the prison, the only person left in Daryl's shitstorm of a life was Judith. For Daryl, it's enough. Until he met her.

Chapters; 28

- Roommate

Holy shit, this fic is everything. It's AU pre-ZA and it's just the best. It's so good, I can't even put into words, very high on my list and it also has a sequel set in the ZA that’s 13 chapters long, please read it. If you like AU things, this is for you. The way they write Daryl in this, it's just gold. It’s also told in Daryl's POV which is just amazing.

Author summary; Several bodies are found in the area of a small town. In this town lives Daryl, the killer of all those people. The investigation goes on, the profile is made, and now the police and the FBI look for a specific type, a loner type, ... Daryl's type. He decides to find himself a roommate in an attempt to mislead the police. Let's see how that will turn out for him. AU pre-apocalypse horror story. Obviously very OOC Daryl.

Rated M for a good reason, violence, foul language, adult content... it's all there, consider yourself warned.

Chapters; 12

- Wallflower

Okay, so this ones a little different. It's actually a Daryl/OC/Rick love triangle and I usually don't read Rick fics (loool that rhyme though) but this is a good fic.

Author summary; Thea Graham has lived in Alexandria for over a year and is happy being mostly invisible. This is what happens when she suddenly has the attention of two men.

Chapters; 20

- Running Wild

This story is number one on my list guys, this is right up there with His Walls. This is my number one fav Daryl fic of all time and I’ve read it so many fucking times it's unreal. This fic is life, it’s everything. If I could only read one fic over and over for the rest of my life, it would be this one.

Author summary; Four years have passed since their sanctuary at the prison fell at the hands of the Governor and the surviving members are now thriving at their new home just north of Atlanta. Out of the blue, late one afternoon, Daryl Dixon stumbles across someone they thought they'd lost long ago; a member of the Woodbury community that had returned with Rick to the prison.

Warning: This fic is quite a bit darker than my other ones. If you are looking for fluffy bunny, happy prancing unicorns and rainbow colored endings, this is not the story you are looking for.

Chapters; 67

- Amnesia

I love this fucking story, ‘nough said.

Author summary; Her story isn't all that different from anyone else these days. The world went to shit, and the dead don't want to die. She's lost people. So has everyone else. Who she was before isn't who she is now. But there is one difference between Lena and every other survivor she's come across. She doesn't know who she was. And who she is? Well, she's still trying to figure that out.

During the mayhem of the early days of the apocalypse, a fateful smack on the head stole her memory. All she's ever known is the world she's living in now. But that doesn't mean she's adept at surviving it. Eventually, she ends up alone and near death's door. Till a man on a motorcycle chooses to save her life.

Now she has to decide if who she was is worth finding, or if she'll fight the hell that comes with what's forgotten and strive for something better with the one man in the world who can see past it all.

Chapters; 48

- Cherokee Rose

Yet another amazing fic!

Author summary; Daryl and Raven's world collide after a visit to Hilltop by the group from Alexandria. Raven's only love is her Black Stallion Obsidian and Daryl has been done with loving anything for a long time. He's had a lot of practice hardening his heart but the dark vixen is finding cracks in his armor. Will Raven be the one that will finally make Daryl feel again? Rated for sexual situations.

Chapters; 21

- Lips of an Angel

I fucking love this fic. This author has already made it on this list because she's so fucking good. Just go read all of her shit. Its AU Daryl, which by now you guys should probably be able to tell I love looool.

Author summary; Daryl calls a phone sex line. I know this is a trope that has been done before but I feel like I added my own spin on it. I hope you enjoy. I love Hinder, and I heard this song on the radio, so here we are.

Chapters; 11

- The Country Singer

Amazing story, go forth and read my children…

Author summary; Country Music rising star, Melanie McCall and her songwriting partner are headed to D.C. to find hope after their tour bus breaks down and their band is wiped out. They are given a chance to come to Alexandria...but what will happen once their new neighbors find out she was Beth Greene's favorite singer?

A story about losing voice, but finding hope.

Chapters; 18

- Home at last (Redux)

Yet another good one for you guys to read. 

Author summary; There are two people alive in this world for whom childhood was a dangerous, precarious, frightening place. For whom life has never been easy and relationships always strained and unnatural things. Having connected, against the odds and then been torn apart by civilization falling around them. How will they react when they meet each other again.

One of them has survived on a deep well of anger and pain, found a family, of sorts, and begun to try and put his past behind him and learn to let people in. The other has dropped the pretense she'd built up before the world went to shit and now she is as detached and self-reliant as he used to be. What happens when these two meet? Can two misshapes fit together and face the world as a better, stronger, complete whole? Can they find, in each other, a place to call home at last?

Chapters; 84

- Of Myths and Men

I fucking love this one, please read it.

Author summary; This story will follow an Original Female Character and her dog through to TWD world from the beginning of the turn.

She will meet the rest of the group, around mid season four.

There is no Beth in my story, Beth fans. I'm sorry.

Artemis. Greek Goddess of the hunt, wild animals, wilderness, childbirth and virginity. Though many Gods vied for her affections only her hunting companion, Orion, could win her heart.

She'd heard them all, been asked if she was a virgin, asked if she had a twin brother, Apollo, asked if she was raped and attacked by her friends and family, asked if she had killed anyone... She was just a girl from a small town with a stupid name.

Artemis had never wanted an Orion, and now the world was falling apart she gathered the chances of meeting one were slim to none. Right? She has Diablo, her best friend and protector.

Who needed the Greek giant Orion when you had the Devil on your side anyway?

Chapters; 42

- Saving Valentine

OH MY GOD THIS STORY GUYS. I love this one, really fucking love it. High on my list. It's got a little bit of Negan/OC in there, but who doesn't love a bit of Negan? I certainly fucking do lololol It’s mainly Daryl/OC though, so even if Negan isn't your jam, I would really recommend reading this.

Author summary; She fought and killed to survive but she lived for revenge. Valentine waits for the right moment to kill the man who murdered her family. Can she do what needs to be done to escape the Sanctuary that is her prison? Can she accept the helping hand from strangers to do it? Can she live with all she lost? TWD world, non canon timeline.

Chapters; 51

- The Living and The Dead

Can we just talk about vampire Daryl for a second, because like HOLY FUCK WHY IS THIS THE ONLY VAMP DARYL FIC I HAVE EVER FOUND. *Breathing intensifies*

Anywho...this story, just fuck. It's everything, it gives me life, please read it omfg.

Author summary; Daryl is the last of his species, in a world that has just turned stranger and stranger since the day his brother turned him.

He's living as normal a life as you can on your own in the woods surrounded by Walkers... until Evie shows up, and threatens to bring all his instincts right back to the surface.

Chapters; 65

- Beasts and Monsters

If you're after a badass OC, this is the story for you. It's so good.

Author summary; Having lost her entire group, Lena finds herself alone in a crumbling world watched through darkened eyes. She is courageous, savage and uncomplicated. Her only companions being an obedient horse and two pet Walkers. When she finds herself outside a prison, inside the walls she finds a group of survivors capable of giving her a glimmer of hope.

Chapters; 31

- Stay

I really love this one *whines*

Author summary; Hannah has been alone for months, but somehow she's made it. But after discovering a school tucked into the northern hills of Georgia, she encounters a stranger who is just as damaged and broken as she is.

Chapters; 48

- Born Nameless

What's this? Yet another good story? Why yes, it is. 

Author summary; Anamika has been alone from the start of the apocalypse and she likes it that way. Groups meant vulnerability, which meant death and Anamika wanted to survive. However, circumstances change and when she agrees to give Alexandria a chance, she finds that she just might not have met the right sort of people before, in particular a dirty, gruff redneck with a hidden heart of gold.

Chapters; 35

Random bonus fic;

- I think I liked you better when you didn't have a knife in your hand, Peaches…

I thought I’d throw this one at you, why’s it a bonus fic you ask? Its a Negan fic, not Daryl, but what the fuck, have it anyway, its really fucking good loooool I fucking love Negan man, I’ve thought about writing him so many times :’)

Author summary; When Blake finds herself sold out to the Saviours by her abusive fiancé, she realises that she's certainly not on her own anymore and finds an unlikely friend in Negan. And Negan does NOT like men who beat their girlfriends, one tiny bit….

Chapters; 140

And that is it guys! Holy fudge nuts, can we just talk about how long this list took me to make? It’s 20 pages long guys *sobs* don’t say I never give you anything.

That nifty history thing on Ao3 I mentioned, for some reason, quite a few weren’t there and I had to go through the fics to find them. Not every single one is on the list, that would take me fucking forever to do, but these are the best ones I've read.

On that note, I want to just say something.

I’m an avid reader of fics, and as you know if you're here, a writer. So let me just take a quick minute to tell you how much writers appreciate feedback on their fics. 

We write for free, we gain no money from what we do, using our spare time and take painstaking hours to not only write fics, but edit, make them perfect and get them out to you. Every like/kudos, or comment/reblog, it means the fucking world to us.

I reply to every comment I get, every time someone likes my shit or comments, it makes my fucking day. Because it reassures me I’m doing good.

I have my days where I think I'm a shit writer and that no one would care if I gave up, and then someone will comment, even something simple like’ this was good’, and it fills me with so much fucking joy.

So, if you read a fic and like it, please let us know. Even if you just like/kudos the thing, just a click, it doesn't take any time, it means so much to us. If you really liked it, comment, let us know. Don't know what to say? 

‘Awesome’

‘Good job’

‘I loved this’

All of these are adequate, you don't need to over think what you say. If you liked one line in particular, tell us, it's everything. 

Of course you don’t have to, but it’s always welcome is what I’m trying to say.

So with that out of the way, I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labour with this list and I’ve given you a lot to read. My eyes feel like they’re falling out and I might die, but there we go, it’s done. :’)

Much love

Sarah x

[lostinthewiind]

Omg you are so talented! Bless this blog 😊 Can I make a request for something sweet and fluffy with our fav murder baby Ron Speirs? Maybe where he cheers his s.o. up after a hard day + struggling with self-esteem issues? I hope that‘s not too specific!!! 🙈 Thank you ❤️

Golly, you’re much too kind! Thank you for reading my stuff! 

This is my very first murder baby Ron Speirs fic. Fingers crossed it turns out okay! Hopefully, I can really capture his murder essence with my words.

“You Did Not Kill That Boy”

Drawing your knees up to your chest, you closed your eyes and focused on your breathing, slowly trying to return the rising and falling of your chest back to its normal rhythm as you rocked back and forth on the bed.

Your head hung low as the events from that day flashed through your mind, causing your heart rate to increase, directly opposing the work you were putting in to calm down.

To put things plainly, it had been a real shit day. On what was supposed to be a routine patrol, Easy Company walked right into a German ambush. You had been the only medic present, so it was up to you, and you alone, to patch up the men who had gotten hit. However, your mind had been elsewhere. 

Ronald Speirs.

After the first Kraut had popped out of that damn bush, he had rushed forward, taking lead and directing the men into a plan of action. You hated when he did that; when he purposely put himself at more risk than necessary. 

While the Lieutenant and his men counter-attacked, you were left to pick up the pieces of the damage that had already been created.

Kneeling beside the bleeding soldier, his glossy eyes fixed on you as he pleaded over and over again for you to save him, you kept looking up to find the man you loved. There was a young man dying in front of you and all you could think about was Ronald and if he was okay or not. 

Hearing the doorknob twist, your head shot up and you wiped away the tears that you hadn’t even noticed had fallen from your eyes. You hoped you looked okay; like you hadn’t just been sitting in silence, bawling over the fact that you were a pathetic excuse for a medic.

“Ah, you’re here.” Ron smiled as he entered the room, closing the door behind himself before making his way over to the desk, placing a quick kiss on the top of your head as he passed by. “How was the rest of your day?”

You swallowed hard at the question. You hated lying to him, but you knew if you started to tell him the truth you would break down into tears again. You hated looking weak in front of him. He already had enough to deal with as it was with being a Lieutenant and the leader of Easy Company. He didn’t need to be burdened with your problems too.

“It was fine.” you forced a smile. “Yours?”

Ron sat down at the desk and began flipping through the various documents he had carried in with him. “Ah, you know, usual stuff after an attack like the one we had today,” he muttered, his tongue sticking ever-so-slightly out of the corner of his mouth as he searched for something in particular. “Had to fill out a report, check on the guys, draft a few letters home to the families of the men we lost.”

The face of that poor boy that you had failed to save flashed before your eyes. You felt sick to your stomach when you remembered how he begged not to die, his words coming out in gurgles as the blood spilled from his lips like a crimson waterfall. You could hear his voice in your ears so clearly it was as if he was sitting right behind you.

He had been so young and you had let him die. 

Before you knew it, you had broken down into a puddle of self-pity; tears running down your cheeks as you covered your mouth with your hands in order to muffle your sobs. 

Ron looked over at you from where he was sitting at the desk, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and his hands freezing mid-action. He had no idea what had happened — or if he had said something — that would have made you cry. He played back the previous short conversation between the two of you in his head, but he was still at a loss.

“Darling?” he slowly stood up from his chair and walked over to the bed, crouching down beside it and placing a comforting hand on your thigh. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

His question only made you cry harder as you tried to explain, but the only noises that came out were gasps and desperate hiccups. 

Ronald was no closer to figuring out what the problem was, but his mission was to find out and make it stop. He couldn’t see you like this. It broke his heart.

Crawling onto the bed, he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing tight and pulling you into his lap. “Darling.” his lips ghosted over your ear as he whispered to you. “Why are you crying? Please, tell me so I can make it better. What’s wrong?”

Burying your face into his neck, you grabbed fistfuls of his shirt for support and sucked in mouthful after mouthful of air. “I-” your lips quivered as you spoke. “I killed that boy!”

After the words flew out of your mouth you broke down again, your tears soaking Ron’s neck and the collar of his jacket. The worried man recalled mentioning the men that had died that day and having to write letters home to the families. Suddenly, everything made sense.

“Oh, Y/N, no you didn’t.” his heart shattered into millions of little fragments as he hugged you as close as he could to his body. “You didn’t kill him. The Germans did. The Germans killed him.”

“I should have saved him!” you screamed out, the words tearing through your vocal cords as you forced them out in between sobs. “He begged me to save him and I let him die! I was too busy looking for you and he died in my hands! I’m a terrible medic!”

Pulling your head out from the crook of his neck, Ron cupped your face in his hands and made sure you were looking at him. “You did not kill that boy, you hear me?” his voice was stern but his thumbs were gentle as they wiped away the tears under your eyes. “You are not a terrible medic.”

Your small hands moved from his uniform to his arms, your fingers wrapping around his wrists. “I was so worried about you.” you had managed to calm down a little. You took long, deep breaths as you looked into his eyes, focusing on how his irises appeared as an auburn colour from the yellow hue of the single lamp in the corner of the room. “You ran right out into the gunfire. I thought you were going to die.”

The corners of his mouth tugged into a small smirk. “Don’t you know by now that I can’t die?” he quipped, attempting to lighten the mood and succeeding.

You let out a noise that could only be described as a cross between a laugh and a snort. “Don’t try and be funny.” your smile faded just as quick as it had appeared. “I’m serious.”

“So am I.” he leaned forward and pressed his lips to your tear-soaked ones. “You didn’t kill that boy. Don’t you think that for even a second because it’s not true. I watched you work on him. I watched you battle death itself. The bullet went right through his throat. There was no saving him. He was dead from the moment that German lined him up in his sight.”

Inhaling deeply, you sat up straight and dried your face with your wrists. “Yeah?” you choked out.

“Yes.” he nodded, his palms still glued to the soft skin of your cheeks. “I wouldn’t lie to you. I respect you too much. I love you too much.”

A warm, genuine smile spread across your lips. Finally, for the first time in hours, you felt like you could breathe easy. The elephant that had been sitting on your chest and pushing you down into the ground had gotten up and sauntered away. 

“You know, if you were this sweet to everyone, people wouldn’t think that you kill POWs for sport.” you joked, a toothy grin replacing your previous closed-lipped smile. 

“Mmm, I don’t think so.” he gently removed you from his lap and stood back up again. “This side of me is for you and you only.” he captured your lips in his. “Besides, I like the men being scared of me. It makes getting them to do things easier.”

You shrugged as he wandered back over to the desk. “Fair point.”

Collapsing into the wooden chair, Ron looked over at you and sighed. “Feeling better?”

“You have that effect on me, yes.” you attributed your calmer demeanor to his comforting and caring ways. “If only you would just stop running towards the enemy in the first place.”

Ron glanced toward you, a wicked grin on his face. “Now where’s the fun in that?”

[crimsonbluemoon]

TerrorMoo: Wishlist

Okay so this got away from me. It’s way longer than I meant it to be. It’s also one of my favs if not my fav this whole Christmas Drabble series. It’s also making me late to Christmas Dinner. BUT thats okay, please enjoy! 

TerrorMoo: took kids to Santa's workshop and they both wished we would get together

Rasing a five-year-old was hard. Raising a five-year-old as a single father was worse, though Brian did the best he could with little Evan. It didn’t help that most of his friends were still living their lives without a care in the world, being kidless in their mid-twenties. But Brian had never regretted having Evan, knowing that the little munchkin gave him a purpose for getting his life together. Even now, standing in the long line with all the other children and parents waiting to speak to the man in red, Brian didn’t feel nearly as annoyed as every other parent scowling at their phones and watches. He let Evan mess around with the angry birds game on his phone while they waited, knowing from experience it was better than leaving his sneaky brain idle for too long.

Besides, he had something else to keep him occupied.

“What are you gonna ask Santa for, Luke?” It was a common question in the line, so it shouldn’t have really warmed Brian’s heart nearly as much as it did. But the pitch and loving tone in the words dragged his eyes to the duo next to them, watching the man smile down at his excited son.

“He’s not gonna tell you, Brocky,” Brian teased, enjoying the playful glare he got from his best friend. “You know him and Evan have some secret pact about whatever they’re asking Santa for.”

“Yeah, pops.” Luke sounded far too mature to be seven, but the childish grin he sported helped even out the balance. “We’ve got big plans for Santa.”

“Should we be worried?” Brock asked, and Brian knew why his friend was fretting. Neither were flowing with cash, though they didn’t want to ruin their kid’s belief that Santa could really give them the present that both of them seemed to want. It’d been nearly two weeks since Evan and Luke had proclaimed their need to see Santa, though neither gave a hint as to what it was they wanted. Though normally first to boast about his son’s intelligence, Brian had to admit it was irritating that Evan was far too smart to fall for slipping up and telling him the truth about their secret.

“Nope.” Evan only glanced up from the game to send a smile to Brock, Brian noticing how easily his friend melted under the look.

Despite having his own kid to worry about, Brock treated Evan like his own son, never forgetting to go to his hockey games or school’s show-and-tell despite having a very busy schedule. Brian wanted to tease him for the commitment if he didn’t have Luke’s holiday concert programmed into his phone and the seven-year old’s play blocked off on his work schedule. He supported Luke with all that he could, teaching him how to fish because Brock was more likely to hook himself than anything worth catching. In turn, Brock helped Evan bake cookies for his class, a skill that never came easy for Brian to master. When Brock had looked for a house to move into for him and Luke to grow in, the father had actually listened when Evan asked if they could find somewhere closer to the apartment he shared with Brian.

Brian had bought Evan the biggest ice cream sundae he could that night for no particular reason.

“It will make you both really happy!” Evan’s bold statement was surprising, given the current conversation.

“Kid, Santa ain’t about us.” Brian leaned down to ruffle Evan’s hair, enjoying the pout his kid gave him. “He’s here for you two; this is about making you guys happy.”

“We know,” Luke dismissed Brian’s comment with a shrug, then tugged Brock forward while pointing to the front of the line. “It’s our turn next.”

“Make sure that you use your manners when talking to Santa,” Brock instructed, Evan squirming out from under Brian’s hand to run up next to Luke.  

“We know, daddy!” Evan’s response wasn’t directed at Brian, but Brock, which made Brock sputter in shock while Brian burst into laughter. He enjoyed the pink cheeks of his best friend, leaning over to nudge his friend’s ribs through his snickers.

“Yeah, daddy, we know.” Pink shifted to red faster than Brian had expected, but he enjoyed the heat that slithered through his stomach at seeing Brock looking so flustered.

“B-Brian!” Brock hissed out, pinching his arm enough to make him yelp. “Don’t call me that, people are gonna think-”

“What? We’re just dads, nothing but two buds taking their kid to see Santa.” He knew his smile could get him away with murder, but it never seemed to work as well on Brock when he flashed it. Instead of melting like the women at the bakery of the cutie at the coffee shop, Brock rolled his eyes, pretending his face wasn’t a tomato when he pushed Brian.

“I’m going to be a good father and see what our kids are asking for,” Brock said, moving down ‘snow lane’ created for parents to hear what their kids wanted without their kids knowing. Brian’s grin softened when he played over the sentence, wondering why he enjoyed hearing Brock so invested in Evan’s Christmas wish. And if his heart trembled at the ‘our kids’, Brock didn’t need to know that.

“Wait for me, Brocky.” The other didn’t, of course, though he slowed his walk enough for Brian to catch up. Brian gave a charming grin to the cute elf woman who was holding the curtain open for the two of them to sneak behind, though quickly dimmed the look when catching a look of irritation on Brock’s face. Hoping his best friend could read the ‘sorry’ (though not knowing why he was saying sorry), Brian focused back on the conversation being had just beyond the curtain.

“Oh, two kiddos? To what do I owe the joy of getting to talk to both of you? I hope that you’ve been really good this year.”

“We were the best!” Brian’s smile perked back up at Evan’s answer, shaking his head despite his amusement.

“Except when you flushed dad’s watch down the toilet.” It was his turn to be stunned at the title Luke gave him, knowing it was his Armani that had been lost to the sewers. He could feel Brock’s shoulders vibrating from his silent giggle, and Brian hated that he knew he deserved the karma. But it also brought up a bigger question; when had the two started calling both of them dad? And why did it feel like this wasn’t the first time?

“It was for science,” Evan defended, and Brian could visualize the doe eyes he was giving the Santa. “Dad said I was really good at science, so I had to experiment!”

“There’s one thing we really want.” Luke’s voice, normally full of the confidence that only a seven-year-old could possess, was quieter than before, and from the worried glance that Brock gave Brian, it was obvious he noticed it too.

“Please don’t let the watch thing take away our only wish this year. I really didn’t mean to be bad! I told dad that, but he was so angry...I don’t wanna be a bad kid.” Now Evan sounded distraught, and it took every bit of restraint Brian possessed to stay behind the curtain instead of consoling his kid. He didn’t care about the watch; it was a loveless gift from his ex-boyfriend to ‘win him back’, and honestly, Brian should have flushed it down the toilet the day after he got it. But he’d been weak, wanting to pretend their love had been real, because it hurt to think nobody really could. So he’d kept it, even if it just sat like a rock on his coffee table. Evan had done him a favor. But like an idiot, he had snapped at his kid, and now he thought he was bad, because Brian was a terrible father-

A soft hand wrapped around his fist, Brian yanking away from his negative track, brown eyes showing he knew exactly where Brian’s mind had gone without words.

“He loves you just as much as you love him. You’re an amazing dad,” Brock whispered, squeezing the tightened had until Brian’s fingers loosened from the fist enough for Brock to wiggle his fingers between them. The comforting touch and soothing words from a man he respected as a father made some of Brian’s negative thoughts slink away. He took a slow breath, blowing the self-hatred out through his mouth before returning the squeeze, sending Brock a thankful smile before focusing on Santa’s voice.

“Well, I think that your dads have forgiven you if they brought you here.”

“Really?” Evan asked, hope and excitement coating his voice.

“I only get to see the nice kids. And you both seem like you made my nice lists. So tell me, little ones, what would you like Santa to get you?”

“We want our dads to get together!” Luke and Evan sounded like they practiced the words, both raising their voices at the request. The hand clasped in his own stiffened, though Brian couldn’t blame Brock. His own mouth dropped in shock, eyes wide despite not being able to see either child.

“You’re...not brothers?” Even Santa seemed thrown off, which would have made him laugh if not for the crazy turn of events.

“No, but...but that’s okay. I still love Evan like a brother.” Luke’s words were spoken like he was waiting for someone to tear down his wish, and Brian wasn’t sure he could stop the swell of pride in his chest for a son that wasn’t technically his. “And our dads love each other, just like all the other moms and dads that I see. They just don’t...kiss or nothing. Which we don’t understand, because they love us and they love each other! So we want them to be together for Christmas.”

“Is that so?” Santa seemed curious, not disgusted, which was a relief. The last thing he needed was to have Brock explain to their kids why Brian was getting arrested for punching Jolly St Nick in the face. Instead, the old man hummed before speaking again. “Tell me about your dads.”

“Daddy is super cool,” Evan started and Brian could tell from the title that he was talking about Brock. He’d stopped calling Brian ‘daddy’ almost five months ago, and now he wondered if there was a bigger reason for it than ‘he grew out of that phase’. “He lets me color on his workbooks, and he kisses my boo-boos when I fall off my bike. And he calls my dad and makes sure he has a lunch ready for the next day. If he doesn’t, he sends me home with leftovers and says ‘make sure your dad sees this for tomorrow’. Dad’s face gets super happy when daddy makes him lunch.”

“And dad’s always trying to get my pop’s attention. Even though dad’s really cool and I hear my friend’s moms always trying to get his number, he always says he’s married. But he’s not, I asked what married means, and he can’t have someone else be the most important in his whole wide world if he’s always with pops. He’s got all these nicknames, like sweetie and darling and other gooey stuff that makes me kinda crinkle my nose, but I get it. People in love say that stuff. Uncle Nogla said that dad does it because pops is ‘special’ to him, but he got all weird when I asked why.”

“Uncle Nogla is kinda dumb,” Evan supplied for the Santa, as if the information was important.

“He is. Except I think I know why now. Love makes people weird, I think.”

The words were terrible descriptions, and Brian wasn’t sure if he could meet this Santa in the eye after their kids were done, but they were...accurate. Too accurate to just be a kid making things up. His breath struggled to release from his chest when he tried to process everything happening, but then Evan was speaking again.

“And dad will throw a blanket over daddy if he falls asleep during our movie nights, and I’ve seen him watch daddy with this funny look on his face. Like he’s gotta poop but in a good way. That’s love, right?”

“Like pops is any better,” Luke countered, and Brian’s eyes glanced over to his wide-eyed friend who looked terrified of whatever Luke was planning to say. “Whenever dad sends him a text, he gets this smile on his face I’ve never seen before. He gets all red in the face when dad hugs him or kisses his cheek, but he doesn’t do the same with Uncle Mini or Uncle Tyler. He just brushes them off, but not dad. He always calls dad first, panics whenever anything happens to him at work, and when we moved into our new house-

“Luke, no,” Brock whispered, more to himself than for Brian to actually respond. The sweaty palm against his own tried to pull away, from Brian felt the unconscious need to be connected to his friend, so he tightened his hold to keep Brock from running away.

“-Uncle Scotty said something about you two moving in, pops said something about his dream life? Pops got all freaked out when he saw I heard, and said to ‘never repeat that to Brian’. And I don’t know what that means, but Uncle Scotty called it really sappy, and the girl in my class said sappy stuff means you’re in love.”

“You two have really thought about this a lot.” Santa’s words sounded distant, like he was underwater, but Brian simply tuned him out to focus on Brock’s pale face.

“Brock,” he started softly, hating the crushed look that crossed over the others face as he gave a weak laugh.

“This isn’t the place to talk about this,” Brock rushed out in a whisper, and the shimmer that was barely blinked away in Brock’s eyes made Brian’s heart ache. Without hesitation Brian crowded closer to him, his free hand capturing the cheek that tried to turn away from him.

“Hey, no, don’t do that.” He tried to sooth his trembling friend when dropping his forehead onto Brock’s, words hushed despite how loud his heart was pounding. “Don’t run away from this; don’t run from me.”

“Please, don’t do this here. I-I don’t want to upset the boys.” Brock’s teary plea proved what Brian had thought was going to happen; Brock automatically assumed that the feelings weren’t mutual. Of course Brock would do that; the man could never see just how amazing he was. Shaking their heads softly, Brian smiled, leaning down lower to make sure Brock heard the quiet words.

“I don’t wanna wait another moment to do this.”

He felt the way Brock’s breath caught before he kissed him, tilting the shy face up in order to fully press their mouths together. He was floored by how quickly the rush of relief and love poured through him, quick to overwhelm him at the soft lips slotted against his own. Brock didn’t seem to fair any better, melting against his chest as he fell into the kiss. A tear rolled over his fingers on Brock’s cheeks, and Brian soothed the soft sob of emotion with a warm hand on Brock’s back and his tongue quietly questing between Brock’s parted lips. The touch between them was intense, lust and love intertwined in longing and insecurity. It blended without warning, and Brian was sure his chest would burst from the sensation of finally, finally, getting to hold Brock the way he’d dreamt of for years.  And to feel Brock eagerly kissing back, pressing closer and pouring the same emotion into their connection was surreal. Surreal, but perfect.

Both men, too wrapped up in the kiss, missed the curtain slightly parted, two pairs of childish eyes wide with awe and excitement while Santa gave a soft chuckle.

“Looks like your wish came true, after all.”

It’s super sappy and fluffy and a mess but I love it. I hope you do too! 

[mazojo]

Noah screenshots? Hcs? Canon facts you like about him? If you guys were to break up, why?

NONNYYYYY

I am sorry for taking a moment there to answer you, I have been trying to write up this answer for a couple days but fumblr here always messes my post up //rip

I am gonna put this all behind a read more cossss I may get ramble and sentimental and people may not like it asdfghj but just know there may be spoilers below and that in this household we are always at all times and every single second, stanning Noah Marshall hours foLKz.

*Cracks knuckles* leTS GeT ThIS BreAD shall we?? ill be dividing it into each part because yo girl just got a chance to cream about her bby boi Noah and she will take iT asdcfvghjk trash

Screenshots

I am not sure what you mean 100% but I am guessing its sharing my fav screenshots while screaming about it and I will 100% do it xDDD

1- I call this one the “Tragic Backstory™ meets sappy”

Okay okay okay i gotta say this whole scene may as well be one of my favorite ones. Not only does it capture them soooo well, but it also made me connect even more to Noah. He lost everything the day he lost his sister. Everything he did was in order to gain everything back, in the hopes of bringing her back to return to how things were and i…..i…..am……weak……

2- This ones called “Everyone @ PB headquarters is a coward for not giving Noah happiness”

Not gonna put the entire scene because its too long buT when I say I would die for Noah Marshalls entire happiness, I mean I would diE FOR NOAH MARSHALL’S ENTIRE HAPPINESS (literally, because, you know, MC kinda dies for him….. ha…..haha….. too soon). thats it, thats the whole message I want ya to get from this post lmaooo.

3- This one goes by the name “Top 10 cursed moments in Choices history”

how he blames himself. “it should have been me….” because his mom blames him. he blames himself. Noah has carried this burden alone for his whole life. he is broken please someone hug him (and that someone is MC obviously pfffff).

4- This one is “I am damaged, gone wrong, got killed (100% real, not clickbait)”

DOnt have to explain how much this scene literally broKE one (1) dumb soul. This whole exchange is so powerful and everytime I re read it I get tears in my eyes because we all deserve better than this ;w;

5- Lastly I call this one “I added one more because all of the ones I choose were depressing and I needed to redeem my rat boi so”

Thats it, thats the screenshot. Please someone who doesnt know Noah Marshall describe him by this one image asdfghjk

Headcanons

ASDFYU OMG THANK YOU NONNY I STAN I STANNN 

Well, I actually made some of my MC x Noah HC because they are s o u l m a t e s and this is the post buuuuut some Noah hc I have are:

- As I mentioned in my other HC list, Noah is insomniac. He is always staying late and avoids sleeping because almost everytime he falls asleep he has nightmares thus he is always anxious when sleeping. Since he began dating MC in this magical AU the nightmares have been more manageable

- Can I reiterate on the fact that he has a beanie collection?? Like, I am talking all colors and sizes, homeboy’s only fashion statement is his beanie and we stan.

- He is terrible at using social media. MC and Stacey had to b e g him to create an Instagram account. To this day he still does not understand why people add hashtags to posts

- His favorite bands are Green Day, Simple Plan, Set it Off and Rex Orange County (see as I self insert myself in Noah LMAOO)

- His favorite Disney movies are treasure planet and Dumbo because he used to watch them as a kid a lot with Jane *crying noises intensify*

- He is actually a pretty decent singer! The one or two times MC catches him whispering some song she makes a huge deal out of it and asks him to sign autographs for her so when he becomes famous she can sell them, causing him to dramatically roll his eyes and blush while looking away.

- Even though he is a good singer, Noah haaaates dancing and he sucks at it. As I mention in the other HC list, he always ends up tumbling over with his own feet and avoids dance floors like the plague, only slightly softening for MC

- He refuses to buy AirPods even tho all the others have them. His most significant character trait is using wired headphones and owning it

- He has MC saved as “Dumbass 🖤”

- The crew has a group chat in which Noah has tried exiting, multiple times, only to be added once again and everyone going in his case for him to stop being emo asdfghjk

- His spirit animal is a wolf according to him, every-time MC remembers his answer to that question she starts quoting the “in all levels except physical I am a wolf” vine and “Noah has exited the chat” once again.

- His proudest achievement is his music library, with his infinite playlists selection.

This are some of the HC I haveee, I dont want to bombard you with them but I actually have a notes thingy with this lmaoooo, I do this with my fav pairings but never end up posting them asdfghj

Canon facts I like

oh boi

everything

asdfghjkl but in all seriousness:

- I mention this in almost all my Noah posts but his love for family is one of the things I like the most about him. How much he grasps into that hope his sister is alive and how much he suffers for it, even willing to sacrifice his soulmate friend for that, which okay, was wrong, but he did it with all the good intentions in the bottom of his heart.

- His humor definitely. asdfghj cynical and dark humor is very uwuwuwuwuwu attractive to me and my dankness so yeeee

- His passion for culinary school is soooo asdfghjk of his part. I personally have absolutely no idea how to boil water, so in the first place I admire anyone who knows how to cook, and just how much it means to him. Culinary school is his dream and he has abandoned it, but in every scene you speak that he brings it up, you can see how happy it makes him and asdfghjk bby boiiii

- His beanies asdfghjkkuytr okay okay I know I make fun of them a lot and stuff but beanies are actually are one of my few weaknesses for guys clothing lmaooo (just right behind glasses 😍)

- Just the whole thing with helping MC out (in my play-through) after getting turned into Redfield. Like, hello? he is literally not giving up until she is back? because he believes in her? eye-

Those are the ones I can think off right now from the top of my head but if I remember more later I will come back at ya with emmmm ^^

If you guys were to break up, why?

Big Ooffff

So I answered an ask from my homegirl Kato a while back answering and analyzing if Noah and I would actually work out in real life and I think in a way, the same answer can answer this question.

We would break up because in some way, we are too similar. In the sense that we are both pretty introverted, kept to ourselves, a bit of bad humor and that would lead us to clash in our own ways. Thats why I believe he needs someone like I HC my MC to be. She is outgoing, helping him get out of his shell, get out and explore, she is like the light and they balance each other out. If I were to date Noah we would just both fall into one side of the balance xDD

That being said I still loVE ma BaBY BOOOiiii nOahhhh but I think he would make a much much muuuuuch better couple with someone like MC :33 as I said, they are soulmatessss 🤧

Bishes be loving Noah. thats me, I am bishes and Anon has just blessed my inbox and we been stanning

[relishredshoes]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Aurette and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

I'm deeply honoured to be asked.

A true titan in the world of SS/HG fic, many of our readers will have broken their hearts over your story The Tattered Man.

Okay, let’s jump right in.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Honestly, it was a whim. Long before I thought of writing, I needed a login name to read fanfic. It was a play on Auror. I had no idea it was an actual name.

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Hands down, Snape. I know that might sound strange, but he was the one that clicked. My niece introduced me to the books. Being in my 30s at the time, I already had kids of my own, so I didn't identify as one of the students. I loved Harry from the start but he had this uncanny ability to keep being wrong about nearly everything. The character who best expressed adult annoyance with that was Snape. And I do love a good jerk. Snape was a jerk.

Do you have a favourite genre to read? 

I'm a sucker for fantasy and science fiction. I hated reading as a child. All there was available when I was a kid was Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys and it was insipid. I glommed on to mythology early but once I'd read all the books in my library on the subject, I gave up reading at all. That was about 4th grade. Children's books in the 70s were total garbage and YA books only had one author: Judy Bloom.

Ironically, my first job was working in a bookstore. It was a college bookstore, so it was all textbooks. I wasn't even a student, so I had no interest in any of them. One semester. A Lit prof assigned Fahrenheit 451. The cover art caught my eye and I read the blurb. Then started reading the book. I finished it in about 5hrs. It blew my mind. I had no idea writing like that existed. And the book was about someone discovering the value of books. It was intellectual Inception waaaaay before that was a thing.

After that, it was like a switch flipped in my head. I sucked up books air. I was never without a book or two. Or three...

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

Obviously Fahrenheit 451. I'm going to go ahead and say Les Miserables as well. I was in my 30s when I finally read it and sobbed like a baby at the ending. The care and tenderness Hugo showed when portraying these disposable lives were so unique for that age. Sadly, even today. A lot of our culture is wrapped around the belief that only the wealthy have value and beauty is a pathway to wealth. The poor and ugly are a constant plague to be shunned or dealt with, not humans with crushed dreams that deserve to be valued in their own right. Look at how often fanfic recreatesSnape as handsome or Hermione as gorgeous. Those are always the least interesting stories. (hops off soapbox)

At what age did you start writing?

Whatever age I was when I wrote Safe House. Probably 40ish? That terrible little fanfic is literally the first thing I ever wrote beyond shopping lists and emails. It's an ugly child, but my first, so I love its pointy head. I intentionally leave it up so new writers can see my learning curve. No one starts out good. Read my stories in reverse chronological order and you'll see they get a little worse each time. That's how much I grew as I learned the craft.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Reading tons of it. I was at a total loss after the book Deathly Hallows came out and it was all over. Reading it had become an event in my house. My husband and I would snatch the book out of each other's hands "You've had it long enough. My turn." And then there were no more...

I couldn't even tell you how I found fanfic, but it kept me sane. I keyed in on SS/HG because at the time there was a noticeable difference in the talent level in that ship. I must have read SS/HG fanfic for a solid 2 yrs before I took a leap and wrote my own. I was inspired by the amazing stories, but also by the crappy ones.  "Heck, I could do better" became its own form of allowance. So I had a small 'what if' and just went for it. Of course, it was crap, everyone's first is. But taking the leap and writing it was a huge thing for me to have done.

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

I'm a sucker for a story where characters overcome emotional adversity, both external and internal. If you squint. You'll see that theme repeated throughout my fics.

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

None. Nothing else ever grabbed me as a sandbox I wanted to play in before or after HP.

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

Gosh, I don't think I would change a thing about JK Rowling's work. Things I would change would only be me forcing her story to fit my preferred ideal. However, if you think about it, her world, the good and the bad,  challenged all of us to churn out 100,000+ what ifs. Some out of anger. Heh.

As for fav piece of fanon, probably that Malfoy jr was Snape's godson. He's totally not, but whoever started that created a great layering of the dynamic between them that you can share in so many tones.

Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?  

I was a stay-at-home mom when I was writing most of my fanfics, so I wrote in a chaotic and very noisy environment. I didn't listen to music when I wrote, but music was often the inspiration. When I would get stuck in writing, I would leave it and go listen to music that was emotionally similar to where I wanted the story to be while I thrashed out plot points. Colossus by Afro Celt Sound System is amazing for plotting a prelude to a battle.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

Gosh, there are so many. Sadly, many of the authors who first inspired me are gone and pulled their fics off the web, like my fanfic bestie Dressagegrrrl. I would have to call out Pet Project by Caeria as the one I found most inspiring.  Anything by ApolloniaV is pretty high up there in my book. There are dozens I'm forgetting. There was one called Resurrection Man about Snape accidentally creating a hilarious Zombie apocalypse. Best. Fic. Ever. It disappeared from the web when the author moved on. An incredible loss.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

Total pantser. The obvious effect is to drive the story right off a cliff and be unable to salvage it. It's why I vowed to never start posting until I had a rough draft ending. Too many dead stories waiting for an ending that never came. But an outline for me is a killer in disguise. I lose interest in telling the tale because I already did in the outline. The fun part is over. Sitting at a keyboard typing your fingers off, while muttering, "What the hell are these people doing? Who's writing this stuff?!" is an amazing experience.

What is your writing genre of choice?

In fanfic, I ran with every genre there was. Mostly I wanted to see if there was one I couldn't tackle.  Most of my o-fic is a hard-to-define mishmash of fantasy and sci-fi. I want to write romance, but it always turns into something complicated and angsty that no longer fits the box.

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

The Tattered Man.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote?

It came off exactly as I'd planned in my head. A rare occurrence for me.

What did you learn from writing it?

I could make people cry with my words. Up to that point, I'd made readers laugh and yell and blush, but to get a reader to the point of actually weeping? That's not easy. JK Rowling did it with ease. It was a challenge.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

It's very personal. My father had just died.  He'd had cancer, and it might have got him in the end, but what actually killed him was being sent home with a feeding tube and the wrong instructions. None of the homecare nurses realized the mistake until his kidneys shut down. It was devastating. When I next took up writing, I was still hurting so I tried to make others feel what I felt at a death that didn't have to be. It was crazy easy to write. I wrote it all in one day. Based on the reviews, I achieved my goal. It helped me work through my loss. Pretty sure I gave a few readers PTSD. My bad.

What books or authors have influenced you?

My all-time favourite book is Iain M. Banks' Use of Weapons. Definitely a classic among the eighteen people in the United States that read it. The man was a shockingly gifted author and I was devastated when he passed away. His ability to just drop you into the action from the first page and not bother to explain what's going on is sadistic genius.

How do you think that shows in your writing?

It led to my belief that a writer is always better when they assume their readers are smart. Grab their interest and just run. They'll catch on and even pass you with their theories of what's going to happen next. I've no patience with stories that spell out everything in minute detail. They're tedious and insulting. Less really is more. On the other hand, writing over your reader's head is just as annoying. Intentionally using obscure SAT words in your story just makes you a pretentious twat. Unless your character is a pretentious twat and it's part of the dialogue.  In that case, twat away. *gigglesnort*

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

My family all knew. They were tremendously supportive. Especially Mr. Aurette, my personal Snape. Outside of my family, I was less forthcoming. Mostly because it was so crazy hard to explain. I think it's a lot less weird now, but back then? It was far more stigmatized.

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

That's a hard one. For someone who'd never tried to write a story before, it was an amazing journey to realise what I could do. That changed me forever. Having the instant feedback of reviews was intrinsic to that experience. The downside is you can get sucked into writing for reviewers, and they will tell you clearly what they want and expect.  That can stifle. I knew no one wanted The Tattered Man to end the way it did. I was pretty terrified of the reaction. But it's what I wanted. It was the entire point. I wrote that ending for myself, but I cowered after posting.

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I absolutely loved interacting with my readers. I made some real-life friends and some really great fic buddies all over the world. I watched them become friends in reviews too. It was a really great experience. Spam-posting a fic would often take on a festival atmosphere. Unfortunately, when my review count started to really take off, I couldn't cope with the sheer numbers the same way. There weren't enough hours on the day to reply to everyone. Trying to personalize my response to a review grew overwhelming. I actually grew quite depressed over it. Connecting on a more removed, professional level seemed cold. I connected the most on Livejournal when that was a thing. But I had to back off. "Aurette" became far more witty and wonderful than I was in real life. Everyone wanted a piece of her. I couldn't keep up with the bitch. Lol.  I faded away from most interactions on social media out of self-preservation. Even tiny fame can make you whacko.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

There's a few that come to mind.

1-If you want to be a better writer, kill every adverb you come across.

2-Read your words out loud to yourself. If you run out of breath, your reader will run out of patience at that exact point.

3-Dressagegrrrl was the one that finally made me see how playing POV ping pong within a scene was something that marked my writing as an amateur.

4-Stop trying to be clever. Be clever, if you are clever, but don't try. It comes off hamfisted every time. Readers hate that.

5-Never, ever, ever post something you wrote that day. You've left half of it in your head and you can't tell. It's awful.

6-If you're not even a little embarrassed by something you wrote 6 months ago, you're no longer growing as a writer.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

That's a bit of a sticking point. Stress is a muse-killer. Anything you can do to rid yourself of stress will help. Writer's block is usually the result of something going on elsewhere in your life. Fix that and the creativity will come back.

That said, my life has turned into constant stress with the result being I no longer write at all.

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Everything has. 'Write what you know' is true for fantasy too. Whether it's heartbreak, or a drunken hookup that turned into love (Hello, Mr. Aurette) or a moment when you were a child and ignored or teased, or maybe the bully, all of it makes it's way into the emotional truth of a scene or character, no matter how outlandish the setting.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I have a Dropbox full of stories I've run into the wall or had to leave half finished, both fanfic and o-fic. No teasers, because at this point I don't think they will ever see the light of day. Never say never, but the light of hope is dim.

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Anyone can write and everyone has something to say. Be open to the process. Part of that process involves having a stranger tell you that your shiny new love is really shit. Being defensive only prolongs your shittiness. Embrace criticism. Sometimes,  the process of justifying something can actually buttress your choice, so you double down with better results. Other times, you'll see your idea wasn't working after all. Be ruthless in your editing, but don't delete. That scene you cut because it caused everything to go off the rails could be a different story trying to get out. Take that leap, you fail at everything you don't try, so why not try something you really want?

Thanks so much for giving us your time.

It's been my pleasure.  Thank you for the opportunity.  *waves to my readers*

[zackinthegreen]

Random questions ALL ANSWERS

Bored waiting for a ride home so i guess ill answer them all

1. Museum date or aquarium date? Why?

--museum. just got reaction

2. Describe your favorite type of weather.

-- Cold and Still

3. Name a subject/topic you know a lot about.

-- nothing

4. Do you have any friends or know anyone with the same name as you?

-- no friends but a couple people in my middle/highschool had the same first name

5. What’s something most people love that you hate?

-- uhhh I mean theres some food stuffs, pineapple, milk apparently

6. Who knows the most about you personally?

-- probably no one

7. If you could create ANY mix-up or mythical animal and have it be brought to life, what would it be?

-- Theow idk why

8. Do you think everyone in our lives serves a purpose, or are some people just there?

-- no one has a purpose

9. How do you feel about getting your picture taken?

-- HATE IT

10. Any guilty pleasure/s?

-- all things I enjoy come with not an insignificant amount of shame and guilt

11. What is your favorite Studio Ghibli film and why?

-- Havent seen any of them

12. Do you always make eye contact with people when you’re speaking to them?

-- I try to but I dont like to a lot of the times

13. Have you ever self-harmed?

-- as a kid I would slam my head against a wall but I dont think that really applies

14. What’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?

-- don't really remember

15. Have you felt butterflies in your stomach today?

-- not today no

16. Did anyone/anything get on your nerves today?

-- yeah. Film club and the terrible way its run

17. Is there something you currently want, that you can’t have?

-- to be a ghost

18. Who was the last person to make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable?

-- myself

19. Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favorite character in it?

-- i guess the last movie I watched was the lighthouse but that was a while ago. Fav character the seagull

20. What are you known for?

-- am I know for anything?

21. What is something you are skeptical about?

-- a lot i guess

22.If you have a job, do you prefer morning shifts or evening shifts?

-- morings if it's not too early

23. What is something you are most confident about?

-- nothing

How about something you're really insecure about?

-- my ability to communicate

24. What do you think in general of girls with short hair? How about guys with long hair?

-- I noticed a trend in highschool of frequently crushing on tall girls with short hair. boys with long depends

25. With films in languages you do not speak, do you prefer a dub or a subtitle?

-- it depends on a lot

26. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands?

-- dont wear make up

27. What part of a person's body do you usually find the most attractive?

-- I dont really know

28. What/which music are you currently listening to?

the dreadnoughts just released a new album

29. Do you find smoking unattractive?

YES

30. What was the last thing you looked up on Google?

--Petey Wheatstraw

31. What is the 10th picture in your phone gallery?

-- a half finished cardboard model of ds9

32. Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural color?

-- every time a movie with the joker comes out it delays me dying my hair green

33. What job would you be terrible at and what job would you be good at?

-- I'd be bad at a lot. doing okay at current job of AV lab monitor

34. Do you think forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something?

-- yes

35. What did you think was cool when you were younger?

-- I'm not sure I ever thought things were cool. like anything you could possibly do isnt cool. existing is uncool.

36. Is there a place that makes you sad to return to?

-- not that I can think of right now.

37. What's the best advice anyone has ever given you?

-- lay low

38. Have you ever treated someone badly just because someone else treated you badly?

-- yes

39. What's your favorite lyric from your favorite song right now?

-- FEELING LIKE A DEAD DUCK

40. What was the last thing that completely took your breath away?

-- walking up some steps

41. Is it true that if you can't love yourself, you can't love another?

-- I hope not

42. What's the most positive thing you could say to yourself right now?

-- it's all gonna be fine

43. What time of the day feels the most magical to you?

-- in the mornings when I'm the only one awake yet.

44. Were you a cute baby?

-- I dont think there exists a human baby capable of being cute

45. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for, but never did?

-- something said to Kass back at Drew U

46. What is any creative talent you wish you had?

-- drawing, writing, singing, playing music, acting

47. Do you think you'd make a good teacher? Why or why not?

NO. bad at communicating and cant deal with people well.

48. Do you think it's possible to fix a "broken" relationship?

-- I hope so

49. If you chose to get a tattoo what would it be and where would you want it?

-- I dont think I would get a tattoo

50. When was the last time you stayed up past midnight and what were you up to?

-- maybe about a month ago. feeling bad about some stuff I said.

[backtothestart02]

Things to note if you’re following this blog as a westallen/Iris West stan:

FIRST, A NOTE: I know there are some commonly held beliefs in the westallen/Iris West fandom. For the most part I agree with them. However, b/c I tend to multiship and love all the characters on most shows I watch, my opinions can run down the middle occasionally instead of on just one side or the other. Some of you have been following me a long time and know where we differ on opinions and are okay with that. But others of you are recent followers. You don’t know what’s up, and you get high key displeased w/ me as a blogger and wonder what in the world made you decide to follow me in the first place when I post unpopular opinions from our fandom that stray from what you believe is acceptable.

This post is a head’s up to unpopular opinions that I have. After reading if you still feel I’m worth the follow, keep on going. Just be aware that on the rare occasion, these opinions may crop up. If not, feel free to unfollow/blacklist and move on to more worthy blogs. I promise you I will not be offended. I don’t want you to come across something that upsets you on my blog, but there’s no way I can please everyone and still feel like I’m able to post everything I want to post. Also, I’d rather not have countless asks streaming into my inbox whenever I post something that may offend you that you weren’t expecting to see. The list below details some (at least what I can think of atm) of those things, so you can be prepared if you do decide to stay.

Last thing, this is not an open invitation to come attack me in my inbox for the opinions I have listed below. This is just me helping you be more aware of my thoughts and feelings on show matters, so you’re not taken off guard for the very few posts where I actually share said opinions. That is all.

1) In the first couple episodes of the Flash, I couldn’t decide between who to ship - snowbarry or westallen (i.e. I thought Grant had chemistry with both ladies and his potential story with both of them appealed to me.) It was the snowstorm backstory in 1x03 that killed any SB romantic feels. I haven’t shipped even the potential of snowbarry ever since.

2) I hardcore shipped spallen while they were together and was sad when Patty left. Even though I didn’t want them to be together long term, I did want them to reach Iris/Eddie status. It should also be noted that I thought Grant and Shantel (as much as I’m disappointed in her irl due to her remarks about Candice/Iris the following summer) had a ton of chemistry. I doubt I’d have shipped Barry with Patty if I hadn’t felt that, because I was not looking forward to Barry having a love interest that wasn’t Iris after season 1.

3) Due to my loving spallen so much, I wasn’t overly aware of Iris being sidelined in 2A, and I didn’t consider Barry a bad friend to her for that reason. (I’ve seen the light since then, but it’s still not an opinion I’m firm on, and I definitely didn’t start out thinking the worst of Barry for what was written.)

4) I didn’t appreciate Iris sneaking off with Wally in 3x11 and deliberately lying to Barry about it (and then that very fact not being addressed whatsoever). Again, I’ve come to an understanding about this as well, but I still didn’t appreciate the lying.

5) Before the “We are the Flash” scene actually happened, I was not a fan of Iris taking on the role of team leader at all - at least not after Barry came out of the speed force. I’m now a huge fan of it, but I didn’t start out liking it.

6) For AU I’m open to almost any pairing in many cases. For instance, I’ve seen SB AU vids that look really good. (I really just love how people are able to create AU SLs in such unique ways w/ unrelated scenes tbh, esp in vids.) In those instances it just looks like Grant and Danielle are starring together in a romantic comedy or whatever, and I have no problem with that. As long as Iris/Candice aren’t also in the scenario and Barry/Grant is refusing her for Danielle/Caitlin (b/c that I’m def not a fan of), I’m pretty open to scenarios that are completely separate from canon as we know it. (At least with vids. It might be a tough pill for me to swallow to read a fic that was SB, even if Iris wasn’t a character w/in it.)

7) I can buy Caitlin having a little bit of a crush on Barry in season 1. I really don’t think Barry ever shared that feeling (though some scenes they shared were clearly ship bait), but b/c Danielle played up those scenes towards an SB romance occasionally, I think it’s totally legit to have shipped them together in that season or shipped the potential of what they could have been. There was ship bait there. If there are feelings on one end, it’s not a crack ship. After season 1, however, (esp after 2x01) there’s absolutely no sign of it. And especially now the delusion is ridiculous. Barry & Caitlin had plenty of opportunity to get together, but they never did. And whatever Caitlin may or may not have felt for Barry even in season 1 never trumped the very deep love she had for Ronnie, so in the end it’s irrelevant.

8) I didn’t like Barry and Linda together. I didn’t buy that they had chemistry either. (Though to be fair, I didn’t even try to be open to it, because I didn’t want it. lol.) Iris was getting jealous, and Barry was shutting her down. With good reason, but still. My bb Iris was finally realizing her feelings, and she was hurt b/c Barry wasn’t responding to them the way she wanted when she couldn’t even say what they were b/c she was in a relationship of her own. It’s not Linda’s fault in the slightest, but - esp given Malese has come btwn two of my ships on two separate shows, one of them being my otp - that ship just rubbed me the wrong way. They were getting in the way of westallen finally happening and that bothered me (b/c it was such terrible timing and proves further why I fully expected to hate spallen before it even happened).

9) I love Felicity (though not a fan of that wedding interruption, obvs), and especially Barry & Felicity’s friendship. So, while I didn’t approve of everyone continually keeping Iris in the dark about Barry’s identity in season 1, I didn’t come away from Felicity’s 1B crossover where she encouraged Barry not to tell Iris about his identity (I don’t even REMEMBER that part of the advice she gave him tbh). I came away being pleased that he was going to fill in Caitlin and Cisco with what he was feeling, and I loved that Felicity was there for him as counsel outside of the people involved with his current struggle.

10) I love love loved what has been called the ‘original’ team flash - Barry, Cisco, and Caitlin. Because of that reason I love platonic snowbarry, and I was sad when they stopped having that many scenes together post-s1. I know it’s because Iris was no longer in the dark, but I really thought they had a special bond, just like he and Cisco do. She’s clearly the person he’s least close with of all the people in his life, but I do really appreciate when we get snapshots of their friendship, and specifically the Barry/Cisco/Caitlin dynamic. That threesome is special, and I like when it’s highlighted. For example: Caitlin actually being a part of Barry & Cisco’s game of laser tag at the beginning of 4x03 brought me so much joy. Also, 3x07 is one of my fav episodes of season 3 b/c not only did it showcase westallen beautifully - and killervibe - but also snowbarry. Iris’ pep talk to Barry and Barry saving Caitlin from herself in almost the last scene are just about on equal significance to me. The WA scene rises above for obvs reasons, but I really truly loved the SB through-line in that episode. It annoys me to no end that I cannot find purely platonic SB vids to watch, b/c that is all I want in life for them. Their relationship is sufficient enough on its own. It doesn’t need to be more, and it’s not canon that is. I think there should be more appreciation for what is canon, rather than what is not.

11) I don’t hate Caitlin Snow. There have been several points in the show - whether it be an arc (her falling for “Jay” so soon after Ronnie’s second alleged death) or a couple episodes (3x15 - her selfishly keeping part of the philosopher’s stone for herself and not only not ever using it to try and get rid of her powers, but keeping it a secret and having basically no consequences for that fact). But in general? I liked her in season 1, and I like her now. It’s true that I’m conflicted now, because she hasn’t apologized to Iris about being onboard team Kill Iris w/ Savitar last season. But the Caitlin she is now is reminiscent of the Caitlin I loved in season 1, so mostly I’m good w/ her. (Besides snowstorm was my second top ship and killervibe is my fav friendship on The Flash. She’s obvs a huge part of both of those relationships.)

12) I don’t hate Danielle Panabaker. I high key disapprove of a lot of the things she said in season 1/2 interviews, and even when she maintains SB was on the verge of happening in season 1, I raise my eyebrows and scoff. But generally speaking, she seems like a sweetheart. I don’t believe it’s a facade the way I do with Shantel. I don’t think Danielle is a bad actress either.

*I’m sure there are more unpopular opinions I have, but these are the only ones that are occurring to me at the moment. I will think of more and reblog when I do.