#all out (2022) lb

[three-headed-monster]

self-declaring as a luke hughes scholar rn because what do you mean people on twitter and tiktok think his devils bow is his cuntiest one

[heartsoulrocknroll]

AEW All Out 9/4/22

Casino Ladder Match for a shot at AEW World Championship at any time -- Parts of this were good and parts were just a little ridiculous. PENTA WITH A CANADIAN DESTROYER ON DANTE ON THE RAMP!!! THEN ANOTHER CANADIAN DESTROYER TO ANDRADE ON TOP OF A LADDER BALANCED HORIZONTALLY ON THE APRON AND THE BARRICADE!! Some crazy ladder spots here. Dante Martin is nuts, leaping over people as they climb the ladder to land higher up on the ladder, leaping onto Claudio's back as he climbs up. The finish makes no sense. Stokely climbs the ladder and pulls down the chip, but that isn't the end of the match??? Because he's not a legal participant in the match?? Because he's not a wrestler?? Who knows. The Joker enters and Stokely just hands off the chip to him. And that is somehow the end?? No one seemed to know how to react, or even seemed to know when the match was over. Strange booking.

Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks vs. Adam Page and the Dark Order for the Inaugural AEW Trios Championship -- Absolutely incredible, rapid-fire tag team offense by Silver and Reynolds. Disgusting snap dragon suplexes by Omega. Loved the one-on- one exchange between Omega and Page. They face off in the ring, but they aren't the legal men. They drag their incapacitated partners to the corner and make the tags. Omega attempts a German, but Page lands on his feet. Omega lands a V-trigger and a nasty double underhook tiger driver on Page!!! Page with a Buckshot to the back of Omega's head!! He goes for another, but Matt grabs his leg from the outside to stop him. Nick with a Buckshot to Page out of nowhere!!!! But the pin attempt is broken up!!! Silver with a roll up and super near fall on Omega!! V-trigger by Omega on Silver!! Omega goes for the One-winged Angel, but Silver counters and rolls Omega up again for an even nearer fall!!! Omg!!! Silver is in position for a German on Omega, while Page sets up for a Buckshot, but Omega ducks and Page lands the Buckshot on Silver instead!!! Omega steals the fall on Silver!!! What a match!!!!

Jade Cargill (c) vs. Athena for the TBS Championship -- I like Athena a lot, but this was a Jade Cargill match. Cargill wins. That's all I really have to say.

FTR and Wardlow vs. Motor City Machine Guns and Jay Lethal -- This was a fine match with some decent exchanges between FTR and MCMG, but I just didn't really care about it at all, despite FTR's involvement. The audience didn't really seem to care either.

Ricky Starks vs. Powerhouse Hobbs -- This grudge match should have felt more meaningful than this. Five minutes and Hobbs wins? Weird way to go.

Keith Lee and Swerve Strickland (c) vs. The Acclaimed for the AEW Tag Team Championship -- This match was entirely too long. It was boring as hell and kind of messy, and I thought it was never going to end. At least Lee and Strickland won. The Acclaimed are charismatic in a ridiculous way, and they are entertaining, but they do not do it for me in the ring. I was impressed by Caster hitting that AA on Lee, but otherwise, I didn’t care about this. The crowd was insanely hot for the Acclaimed though, which begs the question of whether this was the right time to give them the titles. On another note, anyone who buys that scissor me daddy ass shirt is a weirdo.

Hikaru Shida vs. Britt Baker vs. Jamie Hayter vs. Toni Storm for the vacant AEW Women's World Championship -- This was fine. Good stuff with Shida here. Great to have her back. Anticlimactic end with Storm winning off a DDT. Yawn.

Christian Cage vs. Jungle Boy Jack Perry -- Luchasaurus jumps Jungle Boy before the match with a chokeslam on the ramp. He then puts Jungle Boy through a table. The bell rings, and Christian wins in 20 seconds with a spear and a Killswitch. Not the way I would have gone with this match, but okay.

Bryan Danielson vs. Lionheart Chris Jericho -- This was a great, methodical wrestling match. Good exchanges of holds, nasty chops and strikes. Danielson kicks Jericho's fucking head in <3333. Danielson locks in Cattle Mutilation on Jericho, lets go to land some nasty elbows to Jericho's head, then locks the hold back in!! Jericho gets to the ropes to break it. Danielson is relentless with kicks to Jericho while he is in the ropes. He has until five!!! Danielson and Jericho catch the ref in the corner amid the action, and Jericho low blows Danielson. He follows up with a Judas Effect for the three count. BS that Moxley gets to submit Jericho, but Danielson loses to Jericho off a low blow. Makes sense with the Garcia stuff though, I guess. Garcia is shown watching disappointedly on the screen backstage and does not come out with the rest of the JAS to congratulate Jericho. Excited to see where this goes with Garcia.

Darby Allin, Sting, and Miro vs. House of Black -- Good match. Lots of good stuff from Darby, Miro, Black, and Matthews. Sting with the mist to Black, giving Darby the opening for the last supper pinning combo for the three count.

Jon Moxley (c) vs. CM Punk for the AEW World Championship -- Punk hits a GTS in the first few minutes for two!!! Moxley spends the better part of the match targeting Punk's injured leg/foot --kicks, single leg crab, dragon screws, figure four. Moxley is driven into the ring post, which gives Punk an opening to lock in the Anaconda Vice. Mox bites Punk's head to escape!!! Punk attempts a top rope elbow, but gets caught in a rear naked choke by Mox. Punk goes for another GTS, but Mox catches Punk's leg to block it. Moxley lands a kick to Punk's leg followed by a Death Rider, but Punk kicks out. Another GTS by Punk!!! Mox is out, but he lands on top of Punk, preventing a pin attempt. Punk lands another GTS and gets the 3 count. Ugh.

The arena goes dark. A recording of TK talking to someone plays over the speakers. TK says their absence is hurting the company and that he will give them a spot in the Casino ladder match, will pay them more money, and won't make them sign a contract extension if they will show up at All Out. A video plays. It's someone wearing the mask that the Joker from the Casino ladder match was wearing. The mask is removed to reveal the back of someone's head. They put on a yellow plaid scarf. It's MJF!!!!! He says the devil is back!!! His music hits, and he enters the arena!!!! He stares down Punk!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! MJF CHANTS IN CHICAGO WHILE CM PUNK STANDS IN THE RING!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!!!!!!!

[foxmulderautism]

the thing about WS beaulix brainstorming is i don't know if i'm going to or even should write the multiple sex scenes in my head but the problem is that apocalyptic world really does give so many more interesting opportunities for Sex Locations

[housecow]

Do you have any really old pictures to compare with? Like almost skinny old.

the closest pics i have to that were from early 2022 when i was around 210lbs… i haven’t been even close to skinny since middle school ����‍♀️

believe it or not i was desperately trying to gain during this time 🥲 i’d smash those 1500 calorie bags of mini chocolate donuts daily, on top of meals, but wouldn’t even get a lb heavier ://

~210lbs for all these pics, maybe ~225 for the last?? i was about a G/H cup here too (i still have that black bra peaking out in the top left pic…. does NOT fit anymore loll)

compared to now 😋

[rainedragon]

Musings on the AP Cost Increases

Something came across my feed where people were talking about Angelic Pretty being low quality & over priced for polyester, and I'm not quoting it because I don't want this to be like... an attack against that person's specific personal oppinion when it's really not. It just brings up a topic I've been thinking about recently and I wanted to go into it a little deeper. I think as a community we really need to acknowledge a few things when it comes to the price increases happening with AP.

First of all, the yen is weak. [1] If AP was making everything in Japan using Japanese fibers, this wouldn't be a huge deal, but they don't. Japan doesn't grow a lot of cotton [2] so they have to buy cotton internationally. That means when the yen falls, the cost of materials goes up. AP also makes a lot of their garments in other countries. This means when then yen falls, the cost of labor goes up.

So, when we see AP releasing a fully shirred cotton JSK for ¥37,400 in 2025 [3] when a similar dress was ¥26,800 in 2020, [4], and ¥24,990 in 2012 [5], what we are seeing is inflation. It's worth noting that in countries where the currency is stronger, like the US, the cost of those 3 dresses is more flat. In USD at the time it was $262 (2025), $260 (2020) and $288 (2012) for those 3 dresses. In other words, even though the yen cost of AP's cotton pieces has increased dramatically over the price a decade ago, the price to US customers is basically the same (or even lower).

Their polyester dresses are similar in price, but, I will say, if you compare something like Decoration Ice Cream [6] to something like Happy Cakes, they are putting some more expensive design elements into some of the polyester dresses, like the belt on decoration ice cream. Cutting details on the cotton dresses can be a way to cut cost and keep from raising the price. Cutting details in general can also be a way to cut labor costs. So can switching to lower cost factories, which is going to get you lower quality sewing work.

It's also worth noting that cotton is currently trading at 66 cents per pound right now, but in April 2022, it was trading at $1.55 USD per lb. [7] That recent spike in cotton prices likely impacted Angelic Pretty (and other brands) textile selections for 2022-2023, and possibly into 2024 depending on how long it took the actual cloth prices to come back down.

The other thing to consider is that we are now about two decades out from when Angelic Pretty really started doing custom prints. So they have about two decades of experiance seeing how cotton and polyester pieces have aged, and I can say from what I have in my own closet that the polyester pieces are more colorfast. They are also generally easier to care for and take up less space, two things designers have mentioned their local Japanese customers prefer.

I also want to say that I don't think AP is overpriced. If anything I think most lolita is underpriced. As in we are under paying for the labor involved in the construction of most lolita pieces.

I do not know of any lolita brands that are significantly cheaper and equal or better quality than AP that are operating with the same costs as AP (custom textiles, custom lace, physical shop cost, etc).

I just paid Meta ¥38,000 yen for the last custom print JSK I bought from them. [8] Baby's latest print release is ¥44,880 for a JSK [9] (and totally sold out, and I'm never going to be accusing Baby of being the highest quality of all the Japanese brands.) [10] IW's Rose and strawberry cross ribbon JSK is one of their few recent custom prints and it was ¥43,890. [11] And IW closed their physical shops and their international webshop, which means they cut a LOT of overhead.

It's totally fine to not like AP and not buy AP. For some people, a lower price point garment is more in line with their budget. For some people, the things that make AP cost more just aren't value added to them, and thus aren't worth the increased costs. (For example if a person isn't super in to custom lace, a brand producing cheaper garments with commercial lace may be a better value to them). And some people have strong feelings about specific fibers, and that also is fine.

But, at the same time, if the market doesn't support higher prices, (and to be clear: I do think AP needs to raise their prices to produce higher quality garments than what they are making right now), then that product isn't going to exist. I don't know everyone's buying habbits, but historically when I've run polls [12], the international English-speaking market has focused a lot more on second hand purchasing than first hand purchasing. That doesn't push a brand like AP to produce higher cost garments because of preferences in that market while alienating their local customers who are already seeing actual cost increases due to the weak yen.

Basically, in short: lolita is expensive and it's OK to have preferences for quality and price. But I think we need to be realistic about what can and can't be produced at specific price points. If quality is the most important thing, then maybe a highly skilled indie designer who makes bespoke pieces at a higher price point is the best option. If lower price is the most important thing, there are indie brands who cut costs in various ways to get their prices lower than AP's.

But the only way to get high quality and a high level of detail at a very low cost, is with unpaid labor or other forms of theft. It's not possible.

[bethanythebogwitch]

Easily my most popular post was about paddlefish, so this Wet Beast Wednesday it's time to give them their moment in the sun. Paddlefish are members of the family Polyodontidae and one of only two surviving members of the order Acipenseriformes, the other being sturgeons. The Acipenseriformes are one of the oldest lineages of ray-finned fish and diverged from the ancestors of all other modern ray-finned fish around 300 millions years ago. While paddlefish have been around since the Cretaceous period, there is only one living species, the American paddlefish (Polyodon spathula). Another modern species is the Chinese paddlefish (Psephurus gladius), but the last sighting of one was in 2003 and they were officially declared extinct in 2022. In this post, unless I specify otherwise everything I say will be referring to the American paddlefish.

(image: either an American paddlefish or a basking shark that got its nose caught in a hydraulic press)

Paddlefish are named for their very long rostrums which are packed full of electrorecepting organs called the ampullae of Lorenzini used to sense electric fiends in the water. The ampullae are not only on the rostrum, but also on the head and large skin flaps that extend from the operculum (gill cover). They are so sensitive that paddlefish are able to sense the movement of individual body parts of zooplankton. Paddlefish use their rostrums to detect their prey, which consists almost entirely of zooplankton. They are ream suspension feeders, swimming toward swarms of zooplankton with their mouths open. As the water passes through the gills, gill rakers filter out the zooplankton, which is then swallowed. Other fish that use this feeding method include basking sharks. While the rostrum is the primary method of prey detection, other ampullae on the head and operculum flap allow the fish to still effectively find food even if the rostrum is damaged or destroyed. When working fish fish on the Mississippi I caught multiple paddlefish who lost their rostrums to propeller strikes and were still doing fine. Electroreception is their main sense, with their eyesight being extremely poor.

(image: the skeletal structure of the rostrum)

As chordates, paddlefish have a notochord that runs from the head down the body. In most modern chordates, the notochord is only present in the embryo and is lost during development. This is not the case for paddlefish, who retain their notochord into adulthood, where is acts as a soft spine. While paddlefish (and their sturgeon cousins) are bony fish, they have lost most of the bone and now have skeletons composed almost entirely of cartilage. It is for this reason that early taxonomists initially miscategorized paddlefish as freshwater sharks. To be fair, they do look a lot like miniature basking sharks. Who crossbred with spoons. They also lost their scales and have smooth, easily damaged skin instead. Their skin is so easily damaged that just being caught in nets can leave scars. Paddlefish are large and long-lived. The American species reaches an average of 1.5 m (5 ft) in length, with the rostrum making up a third of that, and a weight of 27 kg (60 lbs). The largest recorded specimen was 2.16 m (7 ft 1 in) and an estimated 90 kg (198 lbs). Despite being one of the largest American freshwater fish, they paled in comparison to the Chinese species, which could reach 3 m (9.8 ft) and 500 kg (1,100 lbs). The largest Chinese paddlefish on record was 7 m (23 ft) long and was estimated to weigh "a few thousand pounds". The Chinese paddlefish also preferred larger prey, feeding largely on small fish and crustaceans. American paddlefish live an average of 5 to 8 years, but in the right circumstances can live up to 60 years, with females generally living longer. The Chinese paddlefish had an estimated average lifespan of 29-38 years. In both species, it is believed that human activity drastically reduced their average lifespans.

(image: an absolute unit of an American paddlefish)

(image: a reconstruction of a Chinese paddlefish from the Shanghai Science and Technology Museum)

Paddlefish travel upriver to spawn in spring. They prefer to span on shallow gravel bars that would be exposed to air if not for spring rainfall and snow melt. Because they require very specific conditions to spawn, spawning rarely occurs every year. Every 4-5 years is more common. Paddlefish are broadcast spawners, with both males and females releasing gametes into the water column. Fertilized eggs are negatively buoyant and sticky. They will sink to the bottom and stick to the gravel. Once hatched, larvae will be swept down river to develop in deep pools. They are born without rostrums, which start to grow almost immediately. Paddlefish mature late, with females becoming sexually mature between 7 and 10 years of age, with a few not maturing until as late as 16-18 years. Human activity is resulting in many individuals dying before becoming sexually mature. American paddlefish are cross-fertile with the Russian sturgeon (Acipenser gueldenstaedtii), producing a hybrid offspring known as the sturddlefish despite being separated by the Atlantic ocean and 184 million years of evolution. This was discovered by accident when scientists introduced paddlefish sperm too sturgeon eggs as a control group for an experiment. I made a post on the sturddlefish which you can read here.

(image: three larval paddlefish of different ages)

American paddlefish are classified as vulnerable by the IUCN. They are native to the Mississippi river basin that encompasses much of the midwest and south of the United States, but their range used to be larger, reaching into Lake Huron, the Northeastern U.S. and parts of Canada. This reduction of native range is due largely to human activity, mostly overfishing and habitat loss. Zebra mussels, an invasive species, are a major competition for paddlefish as theybith feed on zooplankton. Reintroduction programs have begun in some of the states they were extirpated from, and they have been introduced to China, Cuba, and multiple countries in Europe for use in fishing and caviar production. 13 states allow for sport fishing of paddlefish, some of them relying on restocking to maintain a population for anglers. Paddlefish meat is edible and their eggs can be used for caviar. Paddlefish can be raised in captivity, but must will not spawn in captivity and so establishing captive populations requires gonad extraction and artificial insemination. Poaching of wild paddlefish for their eggs is an ongoing problem. The extinction of the Chinese paddlefish is believed to be the result of overexploitation and habitat loss.

(image: a paddlefish with its mouth open)

[whatsinyourcloset]

Hello everyone! It’s been quite some time since I’ve made any posts on this website, but I decided to hop back on the Tumblr bandwagon and share pictures of my work as a fashion designer with anyone interested!

In 2021-2022, I dedicated much of my time to making my senior thesis. This collection of costumes was heavily inspired by a combination of Irish mythology and nature. I remember reading about how various figures in Irish mythology are personifications of different forces of nature.

One of the beings I took inspiration from are referred to as the fomorians. They were believed to be giants who came from the ground and the sea. I had this vocative image of these giant creatures crawling out of the ground with the earth clinging to their backs and knew I had to try and make something that would evoke this imagery.

I would love to say that it was easy for me to make this collection, but it was a constant struggle. I had to teach myself how to use a tufting gun so I could make rugs that I’d use to create some of the garments. I had to figure out how to create soft sculptures from felt. And somehow throughout all that, I also taught myself how to crochet. The most difficult piece for me to create was the large cape. The entire thing had to be sewn together by hand since it was way too thick to run through any of my college's sewing machines. Thankfully, one of my friends was kind enough to lend a hand after class in the evenings. Because of her, I was able to finish that monster of a garment. Below are images of the finished collection.

I wasn’t joking when I said the cape was huge… this thing weighs close to 40 lbs. Below is a picture of me sitting on top of the cape. That's all for now! I hope you all enjoy the products of many months of my suffering lol

[syntheticsylvie]

Overview of My First Year of HRT (2021-2022)

Hi, my name is Sylvie, and I'm transfemme! I started hormone replacement therapy on September 25th, 2021 and I've been through quite a lot on my journey to a year of HRT so I'm making two separate posts: this one focusing on the medical side and physical changes, and another that will focus on the social side of transitioning. So, here we go!

I realized I was trans the last week of August 2021, then September 9th I came out publicly, September 15th I had my first appointment with Plume, and I received my first Estradiol script September 24th, but consider my official "first day" of HRT the 25th.

I started HRT on sublingual Estradiol pills, 2mg twice a day (morning and night). Psychologically, taking the first pill hit me like a psychosomatic lightning bolt, and the first meaningful change estrogen granted me was an opening of my feelings- I could suddenly experience a "true range" of emotion, I experienced ambivalence for the first time. Physically, within the first week, I was experiencing tingling in my chest/nipples and by three weeks they actively ached, and after about two months my nipples looked different (darker, larger), and my chest started to stick out (36" to 37")

At 2 months my Estradiol was increased to three times a day and Progesterone 100mg (at night) added. By two months, my body's sensitivity had reached astronomical levels, particularly in areas that weren't sensitive before: for me, this was my nipples, armpits, and butt. My skin overall became more sensitive, slight touches made me quiver and my pain tolerance dropped sharply. During my second month my body's smell changed too and my sweat production cut back.

At 3 months, Spironolactone 50mg once a day (morning) was added and during this month my nipples had noticeably expanded and become dark enough to see through shirts, and my chest had grown enough to be noticeable small mounds in a tight shirt (38"). Also by 3 months, random erections completely stopped happening, whether asleep or awake.

Between months 3 and 5 a lot of things happened in my life; the stress and inactivity caused me to lose 50 lbs. As a result, I lost a ton of muscle mass. My thighs, upper arms, and butt became soft and jiggly, I could not lift things I could before, even with great effort.

3 month bloodwork results: E @ 133 and T @ 320

At 4 months, I asked my doctor for Finasteride, which is a DHT blocker- DHT is an androgen created by testosterone and an excess of DHT is related to hair loss, as well as some research I read back then relating to DHT and thicker/darker body hair. Since starting Finasteride, I have only shaved and used Nair on my body itself and I have experienced 75%-80% body hair loss, and much of what hair remains is now vellus hair (light, short, soft).

Between months 4 and 5, I started experiencing sexual dysfunction. Even if aroused, it was a 50/50 shot of whether I could get hard or not. Likewise, I began producing much less semen. This was when I started experimenting with different forms of masturbating too (i.e. using a vibrator).

Between months 5 and 6 I started gaining weight again, and this was when my breast growth was the greatest, going from 38" to almost 41". However, in the growth it seems I lost the sensitivity I had in the early months- my nipples and armpits are still erogenous zones, but not as potent. Additionally, I noticed fat redistribution caused my hips and waist to take a more stereotypically feminine, almost hourglass appearance (and increased from 32" and 34" respectively to 35" and 38" by 10 months).

6 month bloodwork results: E @ 258 and T @ 22

Months 7, 8, and 9 saw only slight breast growth (41 1/2") due to losing weight again from stress, but at this point I have very little body hair left, and even areas which were full before (armpits, groin) thinned out significantly over time- the most astounding of all being my butt, which the cheek hair just disappeared without me doing anything, like the hair just fell off.

Somewhere during months 8 and 9, I completely lost the ability to become erect without medication (doctor prescribed me Sildenafil, aka viagra) and no more ejaculating. Reaching orgasm became a concentrated effort instead of something that came easily, and very little clear liquid would come out during.

9 month bloodwork results: E @ 57 and T @ 28

For some reason my levels dropped between 6 and 9 months, and during that time I became very mentally and emotionally unwell due to the hormone imbalances. My doctor suggested a few things: me not waiting/letting the pill dissolve long enough in my mouth or the pill just not having the same potency on me anymore. So...

At month 10 I started injections and almost immediately started feeling much better. There is a hormonal low day for me every week, the day before I do my injection again, but it's not hard to deal with. I feel like myself!

Now months 11 and 12, nothing really noteworthy to update except I'm desperately trying to eat more so I can gain weight to grow my boobs. Just stopped taking Spiro though, but I use Tgel to maintain my girldick because I'm a Switch.

Lastly, I'd like to say I'm open to any questions anyone might have, and I'll do my best to answer them. You can DM me, email me secretly from a fake account (bellatrixnovus@gmail.com is my email), whatever! I just hope this information is of some value to someone out there!

[draganwhorror]

So I wasn't going to share this, because I thought it would be too embarrassing or awkward and weird to share on Tumblr, but then I thought, why shouldn't I share it? It's my blog, and if people don't like it, they can scroll on by or unfollow me or whatever.

This is a very deeply personal thing for me to share, and I'm still a little nervous and anxious about it, but also, I'm honestly really proud of myself and just... I guess I wanted to celebrate my achievement.

As of today, I have officially lost 40 lbs. I know that may not seem like a big deal, but for me, it is. Back in 2022, I was at my heaviest (over 210 lbs). I was disgusted and ashamed that I had let myself go so much, especially because my face had ballooned up so much, but I also felt like I was destined to be stuck as an overweight blob pretty much for the rest of my life. I'd tried dieting and exercising, but my cravings were always out of control (and I made little effort to ignore them) and I was always so tired and unmotivated, so I gave up quickly.

Last January (2024), I decided to start making more of an effort. It was hard. Really hard. But then I fell into a bout of really bad depression. Like, really bad. So bad, I stopped eating and slept constantly. I managed to slog through work. I found myself lurking online, pretending everything was okay because I didn't want anyone to worry. But I was suffering. However, my bout of depression is what jumpstarted my weight loss journey, as crazy as it sounds. I somehow managed to "rewire" my brain (and my stomach). I no longer had cravings. I no longer wanted to eat more calories than I should. I still didn't have much energy, but I started making an effort to ride my stationary bike for 10-15 minutes a day, at least 3 days a week to start. And the weight started to come off.

It was slow going, and I fell off the wagon a few times over these past 16 months, but I'm now consistently exercising every day (walking outside, rain or shine, and walking on my treadmill, 20-30 minutes a day for both, at least 5 days a week, but sometimes all 7 days), and I have been eating healthier (while still indulging every once in a while). And now, after 16 months, I have lost 40 lbs. I cried earlier today when I realized I was actually making a difference. My hard work and consistency was paying off. Is paying off. I still have another 10-15 lbs I'd like to lose to be at my goal weight (maybe 20-25 if I really push myself to hit the ideal weight I'd like to be), but I am honestly so happy and so proud of myself right now.

I know it probably isn't that big of a deal to most people, and I don't know if anyone will really care all that much, but I'm going to share a couple of before and after photos below the cut (even though I feel a bit awkward and embarrassed about sharing them)

August 2022 (me at my heaviest, with a really round/fat face)

My face today

January (my belly before my weight loss journey began)

My belly today (still a bit pudgy and potato-y, and yes, I'm in a sports bra and lady boxers)

My belly sucked in ('cause I wanted to see what might be possible if I continue on my journey, and I apparently get weird creases beneath my bra)

[qui-gg]

that one post you made about lightbulb and how she made up her entire relationship with paintbrush until ep12 made me like her character a lot more soo has ur thoughts and opinions on lightbulb and maybe paintbrush changed since episode 15??

Thank you for this question and it definitely has, it’s just been taking me a bit to think and format into words exactly how to say this! But with ii16 releasing soon i should go through this now, so be prepared for a ramble.

Since i’ve made that post, I’ve gone through a few more realizations about the preexisting material itself. I should say it’s a bit dramatized when I said she made up the ENTIRE relationship- there was obviously something there since they’d known each other for a very long time, after all Paintbrush does say “we’re STILL friends”, but she moreso took it and ran with it to a level it was never at. I’ve never properly talked about my feelings on Alternate Reality Show here? But it’s my favorite episode and I have TOO MUCH to say. I’ll be bringing up key parts of my analysis though since this is about 15.

This episode features Lightbulb’s elimination, and so evidently that means it should be seeking a way to properly wrap up her story. It’s not the total focus of the episode, and neither is she the main character (she already had that in 12), but I think it was handled the best way it could have been. Initially when I watched the elimination in the Chicago theater (slack jawed and having my heart broken I was cosplaying Lightbulb😢) there was a lot running in my mind but the fact Lightbulb’s expectations had been subverted in the very best way was on the forefront. Leading up to 15, there was a lot of extra material released that pointed towards hyping up Lightbulb. She’s a very popular character so the average fan’s expectation is exactly what she mentioned in the episode, that she’d win for her team. The exit interviews of the flying buddies ALL point towards their expectations of Lightbulb to win- which I think was SO clever and must’ve been intentional. Lightbulb likely hasn’t seen these interviews, but I think on a meta level it’s for us to see and then Judge Lightbulb’s reaction to those expectations. Because as she does, she takes something as friendly and simple as what Test Tube said to her at the end of 14 and blew it out of proportion. Her friends are giving her encouragement to win of course, because that’s the nice thing to say and do when your friend is in a competition! But as we learn from 12, Lightbulb is seeking more from the game than just the game. She’s here for relationships first and foremost. And, we see that she has so much more of a thought process beneath the surface than we initially expect, that she is very observant and aware of her own feelings and others and takes that into account which presents as her backwards intentions in her quirky behavior, the stuff she does that doesn’t seem to make sense all has meaning. (We also see this exerted in one of my favorite Lightbulb appearances, the Jacknjellify upload of the 2022 meetup short, where there’s a scene of her in her own head through the situation. She recognizes she’s failing an interaction, gets insecure about it, and we see her make up a quirky lie in real time! It’s incredibly important LB material) She just prefers to distract herself from them the more intense they get because when things get more serious it is hard for her to be taken seriously or believe that she could be. And Test Tube is very important to all of this despite not speaking in 15 because Lightbulb’s relationship with her was one of the first that became Real. Test Tube recognized that Lightbulb was struggling most prominently as she alone had been on that journey with her and had that talk, she knew her heart wasn’t in the game for a long time. Which affects her actions towards her in 15! But I’ll get to that in a bit. The point i’m trying to make here is that it is the PERFECT SUBVERSION of audience expectations, that Lightbulb would be willing to win for her team, to reveal that instead she just wanted to go home and be with her friends. She had built up those expectations for herself too and thought EVERYONE (both her friends and on a metatextual level, the real fans) would be disappointed in her for feeling that way but it’s something you can see if you’re looking! Her reactions to all the flying buddies’ eliminations, in the 14 stream there’s a discussion about how she’s not doing well at all being all alone, She just disguised it! As usual! And punished herself for feeling different. And I need to emphasize IT IS THE PERFECT WAY TO GO TO ELIMINATE HER VIA LIE DETECTOR. That was one of the coolest things to me. LIGHTBULB, WHOSE FATAL FLAW IS THAT SHE CANNOT SAY WHAT SHE’S FEELING COMPLETELY STRAIGHT OR HONESTLY, WHO NEVER MAKES SENSE, is forced to fight for a position she doesn’t believe she deserves on a lie detector. My little analytical heart knew as soon as the challenge was revealed she was out. But again, the way it all played out was subversive in just the right way and accurate to her character and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Now it’s time for me to address the Lightbrush elephant in the room. I think Brian said it best on the Jazzy ii15 stream- why does a relationship need to be romantic in order for it to be special? There’s a lot there that is written into the show as is that doesn’t need a kiss scene to suddenly make it pay off or matter. So in this analysis i’m not here for Lightbrush at all. It’s best appropriate to look at it from the lens of a platonic friendship as it was intentionally written and portrayed in the show itself, not to speculate on things that aren’t there.

(Plus, i’m less of a fan of the ship these days. My relationship with it is complicated. I just adore Lightbulb and Paintbrush as characters too much)

Obviously it had to be Paintbrush who responded to the emergency signal. It wouldn’t make sense thematically for it to be anyone else. It was revealed by Brian on a few streams that Test Tube chose to tell Paintbrush to go answer the signal intentionally to help Lightbulb out, knowing that she was missing them and her heart was not in the game. I think it speaks to the strength of the flying buddies that they’re able to read each other like this! In III, we come to understand this is how Paintbrush was feeling after their elimination in 12 and solidified in their season 3 elimination, Their heart wasn’t in the game without meaningful relationships. Both of them were just seeking connection the entire time they were apart, and I think this has to go back to what I said in the post you mentioned that she made up their entire relationship with them. They both had a lot of regrets about the way their friendship worked before their first real connection in 12 before being separated, and spent so much time dwelling on how they could repair that but weren’t able to yet. So now that they have to chance to build that up again together they’re going to take it. I think the talk with her between Baseball Knife and Suitcase at the start of 15 is indicative of this as well, she questions Baseball about voting out Paintbrush, something she never previously expressed any anger about. But she’s not angry, she just has been thinking about it more. And also, that scene is incredible because I fully expected Lightbulb to be alone and misunderstood by the Grand Slams because they saw none of her development and hardly understood her but they approached her to see if she was doing okay and I was surprised! Very much a necessary step towards her decision in the end.

It is INCREDIBLY difficult for Lightbulb to be straightforward. When she’s clicking the pen that’s a coping mechanismmm and when she’s FORCED to say outright “I’m scared, and I need help.” That’s painful for her. Unnatural. Her behavior and method of presenting herself through quirks can’t just be turned off, it’s baked into who she is. And she doesn’t need to change that, she just needs to be seen and recognized and taken seriously anyway. Which makes it perfect when she chooses to eliminate herself with what else but a lie. It’s too hard for her to say “I don’t want to be here. I want to go back and stay with you all”, so she tests her resolve once and for all despite knowing in her heart she just wants to leave with them. She’s not giving up a million dollars just to go be with Paintbrush and I think that take is a bit degrading towards her character- This decision holds a lot of weight to her and the audience who expected a lot from her over the four years of buildup to her appearance here. But everything I mentioned previously built up to this choice, plus the point Taco had been making about leaving the game spoke to her but she chose to leave in her own way, not for the reasons Taco thought she should. And we see also at the end of the episode “today I think an old friend tried to show us she’s drowning” despite being scared of her earlier in the episode SHE STILL SEES TACO AS AN OLD FRIEND FROM SEASON 1! It’s so good that Lightbulb says that line so juicy. But that goes to show again Lightbulb is extremely observant of others. Also i love all of the ocean lingo and theming with her. I should post the Baxter essay sometime. ANYWAY! The point is Lightbulb didn’t make this choice lightly, she’s been toiling with it for three episodes now. She missed “her crew”. And she was always here for relationships and fun, not for the money or the game. She finally built something, and now she just wants to lay with it. She’s earned her rest.

I also need to mention the Dunce hat. Oh my god. Her exiting the show with a Label announcing her as an idiot, a perception so so many have of her and within the show, her friends previously had of her, but she doesn’t care because there are people who see through that, who see her! Sure she might not be understood by everyone for the way she is, but there are special people in her life who do. Lightbulb is such an incredible character.

I tried to keep this brief but of course it isn’t!! And this still feels like I haven’t said enough. But yes 15 was very good for Lightbulb and a great way to wrap up her story- even if it’s not technically over yet! We’ll see what happens in the movie. Thank you for reading this far!

[netscapenavigator-official]

People in the notes of my post about Tesla removing the gear selectors from its new cars, asking how that's even legal, clearly have no idea just how incompetent and slow-paced the NHTSA is.

Halogen headlights weren't legal until 1979.

Composite headlights (the uniquely designed ones that aren't the old-school circle or square ones you see on older cars) weren't legal until 1984.

Adaptive High Beams (Matrix Headlights) were only recently legalized, in 2022; and the regulations and testing procedures in order to approve them are so haphazard and over-complicated compared to Europe's that not a single automaker has even made them available.

Side Curtain airbags still are not mandated in the United States.

Turn Signals can be red in the U.S., as opposed to the statistically safer amber which is mandatory in Europe.

Making that worse, those red turn signals are allowed to share lamps with the brake lights. This means if you have your turn signal on, 1/3 of your brake lights can’t do their job because they're too busy doing another job.

There is no law in the United States dictating that an electric car must put on its brake lights when Regen braking. In fact, the law specifically states that only the friction brakes are required to activate brake lights. You can bring a Hyundai Ioniq 5 & 6, Kia EV6, Genesis GV60, and many other EVs to a rapid, complete stop without ever activating the brake lights.

Early model Chevrolet Bolt EVs and some Mercedes-Benz EVs will activate the brake lights appropriately when slowing down, but will deactivate their brake lights once they've come to a complete stop, allowing the car to sit at a standstill in the road without any indicator that it isn't traveling at the same speed as you are.

It's completely up to the automaker to decide how (or even if) to implement regen brake lighting. EVs and Hybrids have been around since the late 1990s and this still hasn't changed.

The US government STILL only evaluates a vehicles crash safety by crash testing it at 35 mph into a flat wall and t-boning it with a barrier representing a 3,000 lb sedan. They don't do an offset frontal test or a truck-barrier side test like the IIHS has been doing for private insurance companies for over a decade.

The NHTSA performs ZERO pedestrian crash safety tests like EuroNCAP does.

Oh, and on the topic of gear selectors, those aren't regulated at all. Here are some examples from modern cars, both electric and not:

BMW i3 & Nissan LEAF (Electric):

Toyota Prius (Hybrid) & Honda Clarity (Plug-in Hybrid):

RAM 1500 & Cadillac Escalade (Gasoline):

The automotive rules of the American government are pure chaos, and that’s if they're even there at all. If you're seriously asking how Tesla can allow a car to select reverse on its own, and then put the manual override in the touch screen, I mean, that's just scratching the surface.

If you wanna learn more, Technology Connections on YouTube has some great videos on the Turn Signal issue, the EV Regen brake light issue, and the history of the headlight regulations. I highly recommend you check them out because it truly puts into perspective just how awful the NHTSA is at doing its one job: keeping safety standards up-to-date.

[ijustwanttobethinomg]

About me PLEASE READ

Oh hey guys you may or may not recognize me

I've been doing this for a long time on and off my accounts usually get termed they just can't handle me fr

I've been ED'd since I was about 13. Im 19 now almost 20. I was 214 pounds in 2017 lost 60 pounds down to 152 in 2018 then gained up to 253 in 2022 and lost it all again down to 129 in 2024 and now I'm getting big again and freaking out cause this is not my usual 10 pound fluctuation I'm just gaining weight atp and need to fix it. This is kinda the only way I know how and my only crutch. after I graduated I was 140-150 in 2023 and then with a bad breakup and drug use in early 2024 I got down really low to 129 and have been in the 130s-140 since but now I am at an uncomfortable weight and I really need to be my home stretch. I need to lose this last bit of weight and just be done. I've been doing this too long. So anyways here are my stats:

Height: 5'3

Heightest Weight: 253 lbs (May 2022)

Lowest Weight: 129 lbs (February 2024)

Current Weight: 152.8 lbs

GW1: 129 lbs

GW2: 115 lbs

GW3: 105 lbs

UGW: 95 lbs

WILL ALWAYS BE PRO RECOVERY BTW

[housecow]

That last pic is crazy -- from 230 to 300 lbs, you were that girl in college where everyone is like "holy cow, did you see how fat she got?"

it was worse than that, actually 🫣 i started college at around 240, got up to 265 at the end of my freshman year… i started during COVID so all my classes were online—but i was on campus, free to eat anything i wanted for the first time in my life in the safety of my own dorm room

my sophomore year, i got sick bc of some stupid choices and i ended up getting down to 215 because of it… really sucked because i was trying to actively gain then :((

THEN, i found a feeder summer of 2022 and got back up to 265. it wasn’t what i imagined though and i ended up losing that weight and making it down to 225 by the start of 2023…

since then, i’ve just gotten fatter >:)) shout out to @makehermassive for spurring the gain early 2023 !!!!!

[austinslounge]

Austin seemed a bit more relaxed at this Cannes. 2022 Cannes will always hold a special place in my heart because of what it meant for Austin. But there was so much pressure and stress for him.

Eddington, he's barely in the movie. We all knew that. It's not his movie so there really isn't any pressure on him. Ari Aster is a love or hate kind of filmmaker. I think for Austin it was an opportunity to work with Ari, and he took it.

But he seemed just happy to be there. Get dressed up, take a few pics. He got to hang out with Robert Pattinson. Got to drink and let loose a little bit. Not to make it about her, but it was nice not having to watch him stroll a 90 lbs nepo baby around this time.

I'm here for the summer of Austin. One of the best parts is that it's without the annoying ex girlfriend trying to insert herself into everything.

I noticed that too actually. Austin seemed way more relaxed at Cannes this year. ☺️ Not that he seemed on edge or anything at Cannes in 2022, but just more so that you could tell that he seemed like he had a lot less pressure this time around.

Back in 2022 he was under an enormous amount of pressure, it was the first time he would be seeing the movie himself, and it would be with a huge audience, and he was still very green.

This time around, he's been to Cannes before, he's not the lead of Eddington, and he can probably most really enjoy more of the experience without so much riding on his shoulders.

And yes, not having a 90 lb nepobaby hanging around and being cringe was definitely also a blessing lol. 😄

I'm excited for this new era for Austin without some cling-on gf who's not even worth his time hanging around. (Yea, I said it 👀)

[thesilliestrovingalive]

Sagan

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: Viewer discretion is advised due to references to death, crime, drugs, infidelity, child abuse, neglect, self-harm, unhealthy romance, sexism/misogyny, incest, and SA.

Real name: Xochiquetzal Wildgrube(renamed to Sagan Roswitha Wildgrube)

Aliases: Explosive Vixen and Princess of Jewels

Nicknames: Roswi

Occupation: Major General of the Rebel Army and Sergeant of the P.F. Squad (formerly)

Retirement plans: Opening a pawn shop building that serves alcohol and has an underground nightclub with casino-style games and adult entertainment

Special skills: Proficiency in accurate aiming and smuggling illicit goods, handling of rifles and anti-tank weaponry, knowledge of the criminal underworld, self-care techniques, and courtesan work

Hobbies: Herbarium, gambling at fancy casinos, frequenting underground nightclubs and beauty shops, putting on makeup half-naked in her bedroom while listening to erotica, pop, and punk songs, and weaving blankets and shawls before embroidering colourful lunar, serpentine, and floral designs onto them

Likes: The severed heads of enemies and traitors brought by her most loyal soldiers, her childhood collection of Ty Beanie Baby snake, dragon, and cat plushies, laying on a hammock during a sunny and peaceful day, collecting vintage jewellery and alcohol, and luxurious spa days

Dislikes: Not being able to blow stuff up and getting her way, missing out on a good joyride, abusive and loveless relationships, uncomfortable sexual situations, and white supremacy

Favourite food: Sauerbraten with Kartoffelklöße and caramel fudge vanilla ice cream with pecans and strawberry sauce

Favourite drink: Cherry vanilla soda

Sexuality: Sex-favourable, bicurious heterosexual

Gender: Female

Age: 29 (in 2022), 35 (in 2028), 37 (in 2030), 39 (in 2032), 41 (in 2034), 48 (in 2041), 50 (in 2043), 51 (in 2044), and 54 (in 2047)

Blood type: O+

Weight: 166 lbs. (75 kg)

Design: She’s a 5’ 11” (180.34 cm) Quechua-Polish mesomorph of Peruvian, Brazilian, and Welsh descent with a bottom hourglass body shape, semi-broad shoulders, well-toned muscles, a voluptuous bust, and curvy legs. She has dark copper-toned skin, sunburst green-hazel eyes, frown lines, high cheekbones, a slightly straight nose, and black freckles scattered across her face and chest. She has ashy black hair that reaches slightly above her shoulders and is styled in a lob with spiky, messy waves and nose-length, middle-parted, side-swept bangs. She dyed her hair a ruby red that gradients to tangerine in the middle then transitions to yellow-green near the ends.

When Sagan becomes a cyborg after she was decapitated during the Extraterrestrial Alliance Clash, she possesses a revolutionary self-resurrection mechanism. A small stellated dodecahedron microchip embedded in her spine springs into action whenever her vital systems fail. The chip emits a low humming frequency and flashes a cyclical pattern of blue, white, and red for precisely 50 seconds. After this brief interval, she awakens in a newly prepared cyborg body, fully restored and operational with all of her memories intact.

She has received some scars, including a vertical stab mark on the palm of her right hand, self-inflicted slices on the underside of her left forearm, and a series of horizontal cuts running along her inner thighs. Located just below her buttocks, she has a large, blotchy patch of scar tissue on the back of her left thigh. She has a slice mark extending from the centre of her scalene neck muscle to just above her sternothyroid muscle. She sustained a bullet wound just below the middle of her right calf and her right pinkie finger amputated. Her left ear sustained a horizontal laceration extending from the centre of the tragus through the helix, caused by a violent tearing of the skin as a bullet flew past. Her back and buttocks bear numerous self-inflicted whip marks, and she has a gnarly, curved scar extending from the top of her left breast down to the centre of her diaphragm.

On her stomach, an Aztec-style carmine-crested rattlesnake stares forward, its body covered in golden green to blue-green plumage. The body of the feathered serpent is comfortably coiled on a patch of golden grass surrounded by a ring of smoke. Atop the serpent's head rests a four-petalled jade flower with a turquoise feathered rim and a circular obsidian mirror at its centre. An earthy green spiral Pachamama symbol is tattooed on her left shoulder, surrounded by twelve rays of undulating sunlight. She has two tattooed turquoise bands, one on each arm, and a zigzag cochineal red band encircling the centre of her neck, bisected by a semi-thick golden line.

On her left outer thigh, she has a full white gold moon surrounded by two wiggly, glowing silver-white circles. In front of the moon and partially below it are two Cantua buxifolia flowers with jade calyxes attached to a spiky branch. Blood drips from the petals like raindrops, while two male birds—a resplendent quetzal on the right and a shining sunbeam on the left—idly perch on the turquoise branch. On the left side, near the centre of her right calf, an Aztec-style adult green iguana lies on its side, its tongue sticking out and its mouth slightly open. An obsidian-tipped arrow with a burgundy wooden shaft and jade fletching pierces through its heart. In the background, to the right of the iguana, a turquoise-outlined silver-grey thin waxing crescent partially encircles it.

Sagan’s military uniform consists of a metal dog tag necklace with her name, bronze-plated sunglasses with pink-tinted lenses, and viridian driving gloves. Her shoulders are draped with a hip-length cape-like reseda green coat featuring sleeves that reach just above her mid-thighs. It has a honeydew Henley-style collar and cuffs, each adorned with a single golden button near the centre, both edged with scarlet piping. It’s adorned with golden epaulettes, each featuring two Apricot Brandy hibiscuses seated atop, and a six-petalled turquoise flower button, which has a circular piece of emerald at its centre. She wears a misty rose blouse with medium-length cuffed sleeves, two breast pockets, a golden ten-button front, and a cerulean faux tie neatly tied into a bow that falls just above the breastline. She wears a blue-green waistband featuring a thick cochineal red horizontal line in the middle, accompanied by twenty-two golden dots evenly spaced above and below the line.

When off-duty, she wears a sage green tight-fitting pencil skirt that falls to her mid-thighs, paired with silky black pantyhose and a pair of heeled phthalo blue boots that reach up to her mid-calves. She wears a reseda green peaked cap emblazoned with the Rebel Army insignia and an artificial Plumeria rubra flower on the right side. The cap features a black visor, a green gold band, and a blue-green cap strap secured by two gilded buttons.

When on duty, she wears earthy green army cargo pants tucked into a pair of navy blue combat boots with carmine spiked soles and held up by a viridian belt featuring a golden snap-on buckle. She wears a bittersweet shimmer Pickelhaube emblazoned with the Rebel Army insignia, featuring a wine red chinstrap, black visor trim, and golden side posts and spike. Additionally, she wears two black bandoliers: one slung over her right shoulder, holding explosive shells for her Anti-Tank Rifle, and a second slung over her left shoulder, containing throwing daggers and the tonfa that Tequila gave her, which once belonged to him and is secured in the central strap on her side.

When on and off duty, she wears a Kevlar bulletproof vest underneath her blouse, along with a shoulder holster for her Korth Combat revolver and two pouches for dual .38 Special magazines. Furthermore, she has three medals: above her right breast pocket, a green-tinted silver bar edged in black features a scarlet square in the centre; on her right breast, a golden circle with a pearlescent white rim and black draconic wings is on a rose red ribbon; and on her left breast, a bronze jawless skull with obsidian eyes on a malachite ribbon, featuring a magic mint stripe running along its centre.

During her time in the Peregrine Falcons Squad, her military gear consisted of a metal dog tag necklace with her name and blue-green fingerless gloves. She dons a Cambridge blue T-shirt with ripped sleeves and a sage-outlined crew neck and hem. She wears a jade vest with four pockets and an embroidered logo of the P.F. Squad on the back, alongside rufous army cargo pants tucked into her rosewood paratrooper boots. She wears a right-side drop leg holster for her handgun, along with a gold-buckled dark mossy green belt that holds her tonfa and has a sheath for her combat knife. She wore the same sash that her Rebel Army outfit currently sports.

Over her T-shirt, she wears a Soldier Plate Carrier System (SPCS) with a MultiCam pattern, which carries her walkie-talkie and ammo for other firearms. She has a malachite waist pack secured at the back of her belt, storing ammunition for her handgun. Additionally, she wears two black bandoliers that cross in an X-shape: the right one holds multiple throwing daggers, while the left one carries explosive shells for her Anti-Tank Rifle. Sagan carries a rufous load-bearing backpack containing camping equipment, tactical explosives, portable ammo boxes, a canteen full of water, a Gatling Shot, a Shotgun, and a Rocket Launcher.

She temporarily wore a drill instructor outfit, which she has kept as a personal trophy to commemorate her accomplishments during the Survival Island Occupation. The outfit consists of black knee pads, a pair of spike-soled seal brown combat boots, and a boonie hat with a woodland Flecktarn camouflage pattern and an auburn adjustable chin strap. She wears an olivine sleeveless shirt and earth yellow army cargo shorts that fall just above her knees. Her cargo shorts are held up by a gold-buckled phthalo green belt that has a tight strap compartment that securely holds her black riding crop with a burgundy handle when not in use. She dons a military jacket with a woodland Flecktarn camouflage pattern, two breast pockets, short sleeves with tea green cuffs, a golden eight-button front with the top button unbuttoned, and a Johnny collar. She wears a shoulder-length light brown wig with gentle curls and wispy bangs that cover her eyebrows.

For all of her outfits, she wears a madder red tank top that exposes her stomach and a Prussian blue bra with Chantilly lace and panties. She wears a round cabochon-cut emerald labret piercing and a turquoise-hued nose piercing with gilded lines that's a slightly slimmer version of Xochiquetzal's nose plug. She dons earrings that feature medium-sized golden hoops, a large circular bone bead, and blue-green tassels. For her Rebel Army and P.F. Squad outfits, she carries a blue-green duffle bag containing extra portable ammo boxes, Stielhandgranate, pineapple grenades, smoke bombs, a sheathed obsidian knife, a cat o’ nine tails tipped with metal barbs, a bottle of diuretics, two lipsticks, eyeliner, a small makeup brush, an eyeshadow palette, a square green gold blush compact with a built-in mirror, pepper spray, condoms, a couple of cans of cherry vanilla soda, and jewellery she isn’t wearing while on duty. It carries hand-sized chunks of her favourite rocks and minerals: carbonatite, kimberlite containing a couple of translucent white diamonds, litchfieldite, a unakite pebble, jadeite, sodalite, and pyrite.

It also includes a multicoloured ballpoint pen (black, red, orange, blue, and pink) and an emerald leather-bound journal with gold-trimmed pages and a blue-green ribbon marker. She uses the journal to contain her herbarium collection, record her unfiltered thoughts on current situations she finds herself in, and keep notes on acquaintances and important details. Once the Rebel Army is established and she joins, she uses the duffle bag to carry the keys to the Shoe, extra food rations and weapons for her platoon, and rolling bombs. It also carries a plastic bag full of weed joints, three boxes of cigarettes, an iridescent black lighter, and her golden bracers whenever she isn’t wearing them. She also keeps a supply of alcohol, hallucinogenic drugs, modafinil, Pervitin, cocaine, and fenethylline on hand for her platoon whenever they require pharmaceuticals and stimulants.

She often wears bold golden-brown double-winged eyeliner, sunset blush on her cheeks, glittery, smoky pinkish-orange eyeshadow with light purple blended in the centre, and shimmering dark scarlet lipstick edged with a seamless blend of old mauve.

When off-duty, she wears some jewellery, which is mostly inherited from her mother. Around her neck, she wears a braided camelid cord necklace that she made as a young child, featuring an Aztec-style turquoise jaguar's head centrepiece that faces downward with a snarling expression. The centrepiece is flanked by two circular bone beads, one on each side, four amethyst rondelle beads, two on each side, and six jade lentil beads, three on each side. A single resplendent quetzal tail feather protrudes from the amethyst beads. She wears another necklace, which is made from a cotton cord and features square sodalite beads. She wears three golden rings on her left hand: an upside-down triangle-cut fire opal ring on her pinky finger; a horizontally-set, rectangular rose pink rhodochrosite ring on her ring finger; and a marquise-cut red aventurine ring on her middle finger. She doesn’t wear any jewellery when donning her drill instructor outfit for disguise and stealth purposes.

She owns the only known Anti-Tank Rifle in existence, a large sniper rifle that fires a penetrating explosive shot. Its ammunition consists of explosive shells resembling 12-gauge red shotgun shells with a pineapple-like texture, which provide very strong firepower. Although it can rapidly fire three shots at a time, its rate of fire is relatively slow. The rifle features a black sling and a gradient colour scheme, transitioning from saffron-yellow at the rear to crimson at the front.

She owns the Shoe, a super-heavy tank that launches missiles from a ramp. The tank features pumpkin orange stripes and a black finish. However, she'll repaint it with a more camouflage-like finish if the situation requires stealthier measures.

Character summary: As a lustful person, she enjoys indulging her sexual desires, especially after a difficult or draining day at work, and her mind is often filled with erotic thoughts and fantasies. She tends to engage in sexual activity as a maladaptive coping mechanism to escape emotional pain and distress as well as to seek validation. She loves to flirt shamelessly with those who pique her interest, lavishing them with sincere praise and compliments. She isn't afraid to seduce people with the promise of sexual gratification, even if she doesn't intend to follow through it. Sagan strategically engages in sexual relationships, particularly when it helps with disarming adversaries, acquiring confidential information, and breeding loyalty. However, she maintains a strict personal boundary, refusing any involvement with sex offenders because she finds them disgusting and irredeemable.

She enjoys playfully teasing others, but she knows when to stop, respecting people's boundaries and outspoken feelings. While she's unapologetically confident and promiscuous, she prioritises consent and values the importance of respecting others' limits. Whenever she has a hangover or is preoccupied with her latest intimate encounter, she tends to run late or not have enough time to prepare for important meetings. She doesn't care about physical appearance, but she does have a personal preference for two types of men: those who are strong and have rigid muscles as they remind her of the statues of Greek gods; and those who are slender or heavier-set as she finds them adorably pathetic.

She secretly has an interest in women, particularly those she finds beautiful and feisty or sweet and adorable. However, she feels uncertain about how to approach the idea of becoming romantically and sexually involved with women, especially given Logan's past struggles with homophobia from their parents and strangers who took advantage of him. She keeps her sapphic desire a secret, not wanting to face the potential homophobia and biphobia that could harm her mental well-being. It doesn't help that she has openly presented herself as heterosexual, leading her to fear that many of the men who care for her and have been sexually intimate with her might be shocked and could potentially distance themselves if she were to come out as bisexual.

She's physically affectionate, freely giving kisses and embraces because she wants the people she genuinely cares about to know that she's approachable and worthy of attentive love. However, she also uses physical touch, often of a sensual nature, to purposefully disarm her opponents. She genuinely enjoys the warmth of human connection, finding comfort and a sense of vitality in it. She has a tendency to play coy and feign innocence, particularly when pretending to be friendly and sweet towards those she opposes. It's also a way for her to deny knowledge of or involvement in something she's actually aware of or has done. She's perceptive enough to recognize manipulation and has the confidence to address it directly. She appreciates it when men treat her with gentlemanly courtesy because she values respect and enjoys being treated like a real lady. Like Logan, she's pleasantly kind, polite, and approachable, yet she can also be rude and distant when the situation calls for it. She tends to act impulsively and sometimes makes poor judgments, which can give her the impression of being moronic, awkward, and careless.

She's a generous individual capable of showing genuine concern and compassion for those who are clearly in mental anguish. She's often shocked and in disbelief when someone reveals that they've endured many terrible situations. She often treats traumatised individuals who never wanted to be forced into war, survive in brutal ways or fight for a cause they didn't believe in with empathy and maternal concern. While she can easily escalate a situation for her own amusement, she knows when to act with kindness and seriousness. However, she reassures those she's trying to comfort that it's not her place to impose her understanding on them; that's for them to determine, and she knows she's incapable of changing crucial decisions like that. She conceals her emotional intelligence behind an overconfident and distant exterior, revealing it only to those she genuinely cares about and understands. She finds it abhorrent how some people prey on innocent and naive children, abuse the mentally ill, and force young individuals into the military. She could never hurt a child or young person who was forced to fight, even if she were told to do so.

She struggles with unresolved trauma, atypical depression, occasional suicidal thoughts, mild anger management issues, body dysmorphia, and bulimia nervosa. She uses binge eating and purging as a coping mechanism to manage the emotional pain stemming from her past trauma. This behaviour is also driven by a need to control her body and attain her idealised self-image. Furthermore, she grapples with a negative body image, obsessing over her physical appearance and striving for beauty, despite receiving affirmations of her attractiveness. She avoids mirrors because her reflection triggers intense insecurities, causing her to perceive herself as repulsive. In extreme cases, this self-loathing can be overwhelming, leading to vomiting and breaking mirrors. However, she's comfortable looking at her eyes and lips in a small mirror because those are the parts of herself she isn't insecure about. Additionally, she has a quick temper and is prone to angry outbursts, often resorting to crass insults, fierce retorts, and sudden violence when faced with minor frustrations or difficult people and situations she strongly dislikes. These episodes can be challenging for her to calm down from, often leaving her feeling remorseful afterwards.

Although she identifies as a sadomasochist, her tendencies lean more towards masochism. She has a strong desire to experience intense sensations to satisfy her burning arousal, but she sometimes uses it as a means of self-punishment for feelings of guilt and shame. Additionally, she often craves attention and sometimes acts impulsively to receive it, driven by a deep-seated need for validation and cherishment. Sagan struggles with chronic feelings of loneliness and misery, which she often attempts to ignore through substance abuse, excessive partying, and reckless promiscuity. She isn't fond of situations that make her feel sexually uncomfortable and hates being rudely insulted or treated as a mere object. She has difficulty expressing her genuine emotions, so she tends to keep them private and records them in her journal.

She's a bluntly honest and fiercely independent leader who doesn't worry about hurting the feelings of people she doesn't care about, often blurting out crude and brash remarks. However, she's more considerate when telling the truth to her loved ones. When dealing with adversaries, she can be fiercely intimidating, using aggressive tactics and harsh language to assert her dominance and manipulate them to do her bidding. She's notorious for following through on her death threats and getting rid of cowards and traitors, going as far as to shoot at and cut the throats of any treacherous and cowardly soldier in her platoon, order violent physical punishments or brutally maim them by removing one of their external organs. She recruits new people through a combination of seductive charm, blackmailing, and ideological persuasion, often appealing to their unique worldviews and exploiting their vulnerabilities. She finds amusement in watching others squirm and face serious humiliation and physical pain, and derives genuine pleasure from outmaneuvering her opponents.

As an outwardly brave hothead, Sagan has a thirst for adventure, living life on the edge and reveling in the rush of excitement that comes with it. She's a cunning, watchful, and relentlessly stubborn loudmouth, being slow to forgive and quick to challenge others. She often exhibits malice, delivering scathing criticism and maintaining a cold distance towards those she distrusts and dislikes intensely. She can seamlessly shift from warm and charming to utterly ruthless in an instant, her pleasant demeanour sometimes remaining eerily unchanged. She meticulously keeps detailed mental notes on the vulnerabilities of those around her, facilitating effortless manipulation when opportunities arise. Sagan takes pride in effortlessly "cleaning up" sensitive issues, such as treachery, that could compromise the Rebel Army's plans.

She has a tendency to ramble about her life, even when it's troubling or embarrassing, make off-color jokes with dark humour and sexual undertones, and request specific foods she craves, especially when she's intoxicated. When she's drunk or wants to annoy her twin half-brother, she likes to sing Katy Perry, Nessa Barrett, MARINA, and P!ink songs at the top of her lungs. She kisses her favourite rocks before every battle as a good luck charm, seeking victory and favourable weather. She sometimes sleeps with her thumb in her mouth, a subconscious longing for the innocence and unconditional love of her childhood when she was showered with genuine warmth and affection by her mother. Sagan is deeply proud of her heritage and refuses to let dehumanising insults and opinions diminish her sense of self-worth. She has no tolerance for jealous and possessive men, abhorring the feeling of being owned and believing that life is too precious to be squandered on toxic resentment and bitter grudges.

She recognizes that true power stems from controlling information rather than merely holding authority. She views the world as a chessboard where most individuals are pawns to be maneuvered. She perceives herself as a crucial agent for change and the most effective weapon in General Morden's strategic arsenal. She fully supports General Morden's vision for a New World, convinced that authoritarian control is necessary and that democracy is inherently flawed and ineffective.

She deeply admires her platoon for their unwavering loyalty to the Rebel Army's cause, even if it means making the ultimate sacrifice to protect confidential information. She finds it intriguing how some are willing to risk everything or charge headfirst into battle on her command, no matter the strategy. She takes pleasure in the gifts they confidently give her, especially the severed heads of their enemies and traitorous Rebels, which demonstrate how deeply devoted they are to eliminating threats to the Rebel Army's power and ambitions. She always finds it endearing when they give her chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day. She feels obligated to reciprocate their gestures, often in the form of sexually intimate favours, sharing illicit substances, and fine liquor. At times, she showers them with praise and approval or gives them gentle, affectionate kisses. She proudly showcases the gifts they give her in her bedroom, while storing and prominently displaying the alcohol in a glass-front cabinet and the severed heads in jars of preservative fluid in her private office.

She was once close friends with Gimlet, often playfully teasing him with platonic kisses and jokes laced with sexual innuendo. Despite their falling out after she betrayed the Regular Army and revealed her Rebel allegiance, she harbours a desire to mend their fractured friendship. Knowing he's unlikely to forgive her, Sagan remains doubtful of reconciliation, yet still occasionally wonders how he's doing.

She's deeply devoted to her twin half-brother, Logan, and their unbreakable bond has seen them through countless challenges, always supporting each other in times of need. She tries to help Logan with various problems, but her methods are sometimes misguided or counterproductive. She often playfully teases him about his good looks and his poor sense of direction when he's lost in the wilderness. She encourages him to take pride in his heritage instead of allowing shame to define him. She often has to hide her food from him because he loves to devour her leftovers and treats in secret, especially if she has ice cream lying around. Things often escalate into lively arguments because Logan enjoys teasing her by playfully disregarding her wishes, deliberately pushing her buttons. When he really tests her patience, she's not above engaging in an aggressive, violent wrestle to set him straight.

Besides this, she often sticks by Logan's side through thick and thin, whether they're on a mission together or off-duty. Her deep-seated fear of losing him under unfair circumstances drives her to be overprotective because he represents her main connection to humanity. She'll stop at nothing to keep him safe, even if it means putting her own well-being at risk. She's aware of his doubts about the Rebel Army's plans, specifically whether they'll succeed in rooting out corruption, and if General Morden's methods are becoming too extreme, but she keeps his concerns confidential. Although she strongly disagrees with his concerns, she acknowledges the possibility that the Rebel Army's plans may end in total failure. However, she chooses to remain silent on the matter because she doesn't want to risk damaging their bond, harming Logan's mental health, and tarnishing his good reputation within the Rebel Army.

She looks up to General Morden as a positive paternal figure, wishing he was her and Logan's father. She deeply admires his charisma, competent leadership, and dedication to his soldiers' well-being. General Morden serves as a trusted mentor, providing valuable life advice and tactical guidance whenever she seeks it. She enjoys sharing a few drinks and going hunting with him. Like Logan, she's extremely protective of her older distant cousin and will stop at nothing to ensure his safety. She often fears the worst, recognizing that he is the key to holding the Rebel Army together. She has no patience for anyone who disrespects him and strongly opposes his vision for a New World.

She loves to shamelessly flirt and tease Abul Abbas, reveling in his flustered reactions to her playful attitude. She finds his attempts to woo her with luxurious gifts and promises of fancy night outs to be amusing. Although she doesn't think he's the worst person in the Rebel Army and finds him tolerable for the most part, she understands why many people despise him. She isn't afraid to give him a stern and angry earful when the situation calls for it, especially when he's being a major distraction or has botched a perfectly good plan devised by her, Logan and/or General Morden.

Backstory: Xochiquetzal Wildgrube was born on October 31, 1993 in the isolated forests between Oberammergau and Munich in Bavaria, Germany. The Wildgrube family has a long history of exploration, military service, and pioneering achievements. Wildgrube soldiers were recognized for their tactical brilliance, fierce belligerence, and extraordinary bravery, leaving a lasting impact from the forests of Prussia to the shores of the Mediterranean. Wildgrube explorers were well-known cartographers who contributed significantly to the creation of accurate maps of Central Europe.

In the 18th century, the Wildgrube family made significant contributions to forestry and land management, developing sustainable hunting grounds and forest management systems. On their estates, the Wildgrubes developed a system of underground food cellars and storage spaces, which enabled them to become important traders during harsh winters. This encouraged the wealthy family to venture into the merchant business, establishing extensive trade connections across Central Europe and the Far East. Through carefully cultivated professional relationships and strategic marriages, the Wildgrubes became influential intermediaries in international trade.

Miyahuaxochtzin, a member of the Nina Runakuna ("fire people" in Quechua), and Rochus, the last descendant of the Wildgrube family, got married and became officially involved in a business venture together. Her company formed an agreement with the German corporation he worked for to process farmed materials into sustainable textiles. However, he began making business-related decisions without her input or consent. Over time, Rochus began to reveal a controlling side. He attempted to dictate her life, hoping to keep her with him forever and alleviate his fear of losing her. He heavily restricted her movements, insisting she remain close to him. He also controlled her friendships, limiting her to relatives and coworkers he knew personally, and manipulated her career choices to ensure they benefited him and their business. The lack of transparency and extreme restrictions led Miyahuaxochtzin to develop feelings of betrayal, mistrust, resentment, and a desire for autonomy.

Feeling trapped in a loveless marriage and mistreated by Rochus, Miyahuaxochtzin escaped from the castle and fled to Munich, seeking temporary refuge. During her time apart from him, she pursued excitement and passion, seeking a distraction from the suffocating stresses of her restrictive relationship. In a bold moment of clarity, she devised the ultimate revenge against her husband: a deliberate, carefully calculated affair. This was designed not only to inflict emotional pain on Rochus but also to rekindle the romantic spark she had been desperately craving.

During this time, she encountered a sci-fi author and university botany professor of Polish-Welsh descent, who took her under his wing while she was lost, alone, and exhausted, wandering the streets of Munich. They had a one-night stand, and she left him a day later. The Polish-Welsh man had fathered one of Miyahuaxochtzin’s children, a baby girl named Xochiquetzal. Notably, Xochiquetzal and her twin half-brother, Xochipilli, were the result of heteropaternal superfecundation. Rochus was horrified to discover that his wife had been unfaithful to him with two different men, making him increasingly manipulative and overprotective of her. The fact that he wasn't the biological father of her children only added to his bitterness, leading him to harbour a deep-seated resentment towards them. Despite this, he attempted to conceal his true feelings behind a facade of false fatherly affection.

Her parents had a volatile relationship, marked by heated arguments that frequently escalated into physical altercations, and Rochus often responded with temper tantrums. Beyond these conflicts and the stresses of work, Miyahuaxochtzin's parenting style fluctuated between excessive attentiveness and neglect. Despite her outward affection for her children, she frequently sought escape from her marital difficulties by leaving the house to engage in partying, excessive alcohol consumption, and infidelity.

When Miyahuaxochtzin was home, she adorned Xochiquetzal in beautiful embroidered dresses and fine jewellery, styled her hair, educated her about the Nina Runakuna, taught her Quechua and Nahuatl, and shared stories of Aztec and Inca myths. Upon returning home and finding her daughter distressed, she always offered comfort, berated her stepfather, ensured she was well-fed, and engaged her in exploring nature and traditionally feminine handicrafts like weaving, embroidery, and jewellery making. This maternal attention, while loving, was sometimes so all-consuming that Xochiquetzal had limited time to spend with Xochipilli. She felt pressured by her mother to be the perfect woman, and she didn't appreciate her nosiness. Her mother always wanted to know every detail: what she did at school, her plans for the weekend, her activities with Xochipilli, and how she spent her free time.

While Miyahuaxochtzin was away, Rochus neglected Xochiquetzal, denying her attention, parental guidance, and even sustenance. He saw her as a painful reminder of her mother, his unfaithful wife, due to their shared physical traits. He unfairly projected his misogynistic rage onto Xochiquetzal, using the same demeaning and hateful language he used against her mother. He frequently sought solace in luxury booze and remained preoccupied with his work. He forced her to perform chores around the Fortress of Königsdrache, and if her work was deemed unsatisfactory, she would be badly beaten and confined to her room for an entire day without food or water.

He imposed strict control over her actions and attire, seeking to suppress any hint of rebellion. He even required her to read Christian scripture regularly in an effort to make her more like-minded and enlightened, but he would sexually assaulted whenever she decided to refuse. He dictated how she dressed, fearing she would appear "slutty", and any perceived transgression resulted in harsh reprimands, dehumanising insults, and physical violence, including kicks to the ribs and blows to the face. To pretend he cared about her, he would give her every snake, dragon, and cat Ty Beanie Babies he could get his hands on whenever she successfully completed a chore.

One day, before her 11th birthday, Miyahuaxochtzin suddenly vanished from the lives of Xochiquetzal and Xochipilli. Rochus seemed unfazed by this disappearance and decided to rename Xochiquetzal as Sagan Roswitha Wildgrube. He also forced her and her twin half-brother into a more assimilated, Christianised way of living. Not much is known about this period of her life, but she did have the chance to fully connect with Logan. They spent a lot of time together, doing everything from playing marbles and taking peaceful strolls in Oberammergau to beating up bullies and helping each other with homework. Additionally, Rochus treated Sagan more like a boy, which made her uncomfortable and undermined her pride in her feminine identity. Despite this, she made an effort to appear more masculine as her stepfather had always desired a male child. Rochus was somewhat less abusive toward Sagan during this time, but he remained strict and harsh in his treatment of her, sometimes physically beating her, molesting her, and belittling her appearance.

At the age of 14, she dropped out of secondary school, packed some clothing, makeup, money, and basic essentials into her backpack, and ran away from home after discovering that her stepfather planned to place her in a secret eugenics program that performed illegal hysterectomies. She sought refuge in Munich when a local group of teenage and young adult bikers and jewel thieves, who lived on the margins of society, took her in. She would live with them in the slums of Munich for two years, enjoying the drug-filled orgies they threw, the excitement of their lives, and the attention they gave her. They showered her with romantic compliments, physical affection, promises of forbidden pleasures, and gifts of stolen jewellery and clothing she wanted to wear. She was sexually involved with the leader of the gang and his second-in-command, who treated her like property. She participated in some of their illicit activities, including planning drug trafficking routes to evade law enforcement and assassinating threats to their illegal operations, sometimes by posing as a sex worker.

With her consent, a couple of the jewel thieves staged the assassinated death of her stepfather to resemble a suicide by gunshot. After this event, they began to treat her more like a soldier and displayed behaviour that was borderline misogynistic at times, making her feel uncomfortable, terrified, and betrayed. After some stealthy investigating, she discovered they were working for a mysterious organisation she had heard stories about from Logan. He had recounted tales of their mother's life and how her people were enslaved by a cult with paramilitary forces called the Serapion Fellowship. She packed her belongings, stole a couple of their weapons, and fled from Munich at the first opportunity, returning to her home city in a panic.

During her desperate escape, Sagan committed larceny by stealing a package containing food but was caught by a male police officer who was on neighborhood watch. She was placed in juvenile detention and interrogated by the officer who apprehended her, during which she explained how she ended up in her unfortunate situation and how much she deeply missed her twin half-brother. He recognized her family name and realized she was the girl who had suddenly vanished from Rochus' home. With his assistance, she was reunited with Logan and learned that they had been admitted into the Regular Army’s orphan program after German law enforcement informed them about the perilous situation involving the two Wildgrube teenagers and the assassination of Rochus. With Logan's emotional support and the Regular Army's educational and financial assistance, she was able to rebuild her life. At the age of 16, she felt motivated to join the Peregrine Falcons Squad’s cadet program, hoping to protect others from the evils of the world and contribute to a brighter future.

When the Phantom Strike was still serving as the Regular Army’s main mercenary branch, she met Lieutenant Colonel Macba after turning 18. Macba emotionally manipulated her into dating him, deliberately taking things slow to control the pace of the relationship. He employed tactics like lovebombing, showering her with excessive attention and gifts, and offering consensual physical affection. As a result, she spent increasing amounts of time with Macba, often accompanying him after work and unintentionally drifting apart from Logan. When Logan attempted to warn her about Macba's intentions, she would become defensive and argumentative, blinded by her strong feelings for Macba. Macba's control over her was marked by sadistic physical and sexual abuse. This abuse led her to associate pain with sexual arousal, resulting in masochistic tendencies, and left lasting physical marks, including her curved scar and patch of scarred tissue above the buttocks.

At the age of 20, Macba abruptly disappeared from her life, leaving her emotionally devastated and isolated. Before he left, she became pregnant, feeling both thrilled and terrified at the prospect of motherhood. However, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage. The experience was so overwhelming that she decided to get her tubes tied, vowing never to go through that again.

She reunited with Logan shortly after her breakup and, still reeling from the loss, became overly reliant on him. Over the next two years, they participated in several missions together, during which time she developed strong romantic feelings for him. She also behaved inappropriately with her twin half-brother, becoming flirtatious and making unwanted advances. However, she stopped after he angrily rejected her attempt to sleep with him.

In the hopes of making her more independent and less reliant on her twin half-brother, the Regular Army high command assigned her to a mission with Tequila in Russian territory. Their objective was to dismantle a human trafficking ring allegedly supported by influential politicians. She used her tactical brilliance and seduction skills to gather intelligence and neutralise the politicians, while Tequila and his team focused on eliminating the criminal operatives and rescuing the hostages and children at risk of trafficking. Once the mission was over, Tequila gave his tonfa to Sagan as a symbol of recognition and respect, referring to her as a "strange lady". They formed a strong friendship while enjoying a brief break in the Siberian wilderness. Seeking comfort and attention, she confided in him about her past relationship with Macba. He then shared his insight that Macba's behaviour towards her had been abusive, suggesting that his actions weren't driven by genuine love. Consumed by rightful anger and a thirst for revenge, she vowed to destroy Macba.

One time, when Sagan discovered that Logan's team might've been fed false intel about a corrupt politician and a sex ring, she went rogue and gathered information without proper authorization, secretly accessing classified data. She even managed to get herself assigned as a last-minute replacement communications specialist for his mission after seducing a higher-up to secure the position. She shared the information with Logan to assist with the operation, but it turned out to be misleading and overly complicated, leading them to be ambushed by a criminal mercenary group hired by the politician, forcing them to abandon the mission and wasting months of planning. Sagan got into a bitter argument with Logan's twin half-brother and accidentally hurt his feelings by calling him a "soft, stupidly privileged fucktard with lacking leadership skills". This caused him to socially and professionally distance himself from her for a couple of months while she faced reprimands from her superiors for ruining the mission and worked to carefully rebuild her somewhat tarnished reputation. They eventually reconciled after Sagan admitted her faults, and she began to feel lonely without him.

She learned about Gimlet's recent escapades through Tequila and Red Eye, who shared stories of his troublesome behaviour. Intrigued, she persuaded Logan to join her in paying Gimlet a visit while they were vacationing in the Bahamas. She attempted to push the awkward memories of their recent one-night stand aside by focusing on teaching Gimlet the art of throwing daggers.

The beginning of the Arms Deal Barrage involved Sagan and Logan with minimal assistance from Gimlet, Red Eye, and Tequila. Their primary objective was to infiltrate the material distribution centre, capture Colonel Hilde Garn and Lieutenant Colonel Macba. Meanwhile, Gimlet, Red Eye, and Tequila focused on gathering intelligence on Serapion Fellowship operations and repelling enemy soldiers when necessary. Sagan and Logan collaborated on several key objectives, including destroying the Ptolemaic VTOL, pursuing a transport train carrying weapons and Intelligence Agency hostages, and rescuing prisoners from a prison camp after Sagan's SV-000 was destroyed and she was subsequently captured. During a jungle flight, her Slug Flyer was crushed by an incline, forcing her to eject. She infiltrated a near-labyrinthine Serapion Fellowship base and escaped, joining Logan, who had recovered an SV-000 after defeating Macba. Driven by a desire for revenge, Sagan relentlessly pursued Macba, often taking direct routes in her search. Upon locating him within the main facility, she aggressively confronted him, culminating in a fierce battle that she ultimately won.

With her initial objective complete, Sagan was offered the opportunity to withdraw from the mission. However, she chose to remain, driven by a desire to suppress the knowledge of the Regular Army's corruption and earn Morden's respect by demonstrating her dedication and courage. From this point forward, Sagan and Logan primarily supported Gimlet, Red Eye, and Tequila, intervening only when absolutely necessary. Sagan often engaged with Serapion Fellowship cultists and paramilitary soldiers, using sexual favours as a means to gather valuable intelligence on enemy operations before neutralising them. She also prioritised rescuing any overlooked hostages and, upon learning of Macba's survival, resumed her pursuit of him.

Once the bombardment on the Serapion Fellowship fortress ceased, she chased Macba, who was attempting a swift escape, into the building. She fell into a trap in a dimly lit mining area, where Macba ambushed her, taking her hostage and dragging her into an elevator leading to a power facility. Inside the elevator, he attempted to sexually assault Sagan, touching her inappropriately and trying to kiss her. She fought back desperately and was rescued by her twin half-brother, Gimlet, Red Eye, and Tequila before the assault could escalate. After navigating the lowest level of the trolley area alone, she confronted Macba again. Their vicious battle nearly ended with him overpowering her, but she managed to cut his stomach open and shoot him between the eyes, securing her victory.

Eight months prior to the Central Park bombing, she became romantically involved with a high-ranking officer in the Regular Army who admired her. This high-ranking officer was named Lohengram, a charming military genius and brooding political idealist. He was close to the Chief of the Regular Army and held the positions of Lieutenant Commander of the Marine Corps and Assault Captain of the Asian Garrison. Through their relationship, Sagan often accompanied Lohengram to social gatherings hosted by the Chief of the Regular Army or President Marx. These events provided her with opportunities to overhear conversations that reinforced her suspicions of corruption within the Regular Army. They often engaged in sexual activities at his private suite in China and several luxurious love hotels in Japan. However, he exhibited controlling behaviour, dictating her attire, speech, and eating habits. He also kept her under close surveillance, personally observing her and enlisting close friends to monitor her. His goal was to obtain nude photographs, which he intended to use for potential blackmail, ensuring she wouldn't expose the Regular Army.

Lohengram would often rudely insult Sagan if she didn't dress the way he wanted and refused his advances, using derogatory language that targeted her appearance. However, she had been plotting her revenge since the third month of their relationship after discovering the nude photos he kept of her in the secret office of his private suite. While he was briefly out of his suite, she seized the opportunity. A quick search through his contact book, a who's who of powerful figures and hired killers, led her to Oghma. She provided the assassin with Lohengram's suite number and a detailed schedule of his likely activities. Later, after another sexual encounter, Lohengram was shot in the head, collapsing onto a naked Sagan. She then meticulously staged the scene as a suicide, placing his pistol precisely where he'd fallen. Shortly after this incident, she dyed her hair and got tattoos and piercings as a way to cope and leave her tumultuous past behind, hoping to feel more beautiful and confident while still honouring her cultural heritage.

Morden, on the verge of deserting the Regular Army, recruited Sagan and Logan to help him establish an organisation dedicated to overthrowing corrupt government and military powers. While Sagan, having been personally mistreated by a superior officer, was eager to leave the Regular Army behind entirely, she ultimately agreed to serve as a double agent due to a deal Logan had made with Morden. She was promoted to Major General by her distant older cousin. While the Rebel Army was being established and funded, Sagan gathered intelligence by cultivating brief sexual relationships with high-ranking officers in the Regular Army. She used her sexual charm and military influence to gain their trust, extracting information about their operations.

She secured funding for the Rebel Army's weapons and tanks by manipulating President Marx into providing support after a brief sexual encounter, and also participated in a global drug trafficking ring to raise additional funds. She expanded the Rebel Army's ranks by recruiting from emerging terrorist groups, offering them a sense of belonging and purpose while exploiting their vulnerabilities with promises of sexual favours. She even received a new outfit and her own personal tank, the Shoe, as surprise gifts from General Morden and her newly assembled platoon, who had grown to dearly love her.

A year before the Great Morden War, she caught Tarma's attention with flirtation, exchanging a couple of kisses and sharing a few beers with him. After their night out together, he introduced her to Marco, whom she quickly bonded with after complimenting his intelligence. She would later befriend Eri and Fio over pastries, sharing life stories and telling bad jokes. She received a gift from Tarma, who admired her professional tactical knowledge and fierce fighting skills. It was the Anti-Tank Rifle, which he had spent three months building from scratch. He hoped she would like it and taught her how to wield it, also providing her with the blueprints in case she needed to repair it if it ever got damaged. Sagan ended up loving the rifle, which became her main weapon from then on.

During the Great Morden War, she secretly aided the Rebel troops by providing them with supplies, including weapons, food rations, alcohol, and stimulants. She also gathered intelligence on the current positions and activities of Marco's team, which she then passed on to General Morden. Her other activities included maintaining the Shoe, taking frequent smoke breaks with her twin half-brother, eliminating Regular spies, and making love with her assigned Rebel troops. When Rebel engineers created replicas of the original Shoe and Karn tanks, she assigned Torquil and Ferdinand as pilots. This decision was motivated by her desire to conceal her and Logan's true allegiance. While Torquil and Ferdinand survived, they were ultimately forced by Marco and Tequila to give up information on the Rebel Army's location.

As Marco's team were about to depart Gerhardt City after defeating the Iron Nokana, General Morden launched his ambush. Sagan initiated the attack, firing her Anti-Tank Rifle and creating a blinding explosion that nearly killed Gimlet. With the assistance of Logan and her large group of surviving troops from her platoon, mainly consisting of fanatics, bazooka wielders, and shielded soldiers, she managed to corner Marco's team in a ravaged butcher shop, forcing them to surrender. After Marco's team was captured, she, Logan, and a group of Rebel soldiers went into hiding at a partially constructed Rebel base in Siberia. They awaited the opportune moment to resurface and execute their pre-arranged plan to rescue General Morden. When the Pipovulaj located the remnants of the Rebel Army, she was intrigued by the Martians' offer of an alliance for world domination. She readily agreed to assist them in freeing Morden from prison.

During Morden's second coup, when the Monoeyes' arrival infected a small handful of Rebel Infantrymen, she grew fond of them, treating them like adorable, clumsy children and showering them with plenty of physical affection to motivate them. In an effort to stall Marco's team, Sagan ordered her soldiers to use a Double-Decker Bus to block the path to the dry creek. They also stationed a Ferry Boat and set up wells for rocket divers to use in the dry creek. Despite lacking proper experience, Sagan piloted the Big Shiee, but ultimately lost the battle against Marco's team. Fortunately, she was rescued just in time by the Rebel Army's special forces and a contingent of Pipovulaj troops, narrowly avoiding death from the explosions and falling debris within the Big Shiee.

In New Godokin City, she hosted a massive party in an abandoned shopping mall for her platoon to unwind before their impending battle with Marco's team. However, the celebration got out of hand, and she became intoxicated, sharing intimate moments with a couple of her closest soldiers. Unbeknownst to her, Marco's team had already arrived in New Godokin City, aided by Hyakutaro and Division 6. They were closing in on the mutated soldiers the Rebel Army was desperately trying to conceal from the outside world. As a result, she and her platoon were caught off guard by Division 6 and their reinforcements, led by Rumi. Due to her intoxication, she was unfit for battle and forced to flee, relying on the timely arrival of more Rebel troops who provided crucial support to her platoon. Their assistance allowed her to escape, narrowly avoiding elimination. The incident left her with a humiliating and regrettable experience that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

She aided Morden's soldiers in guarding the front entrance of the Rebel Army's Siberian base, piloting her Shoe tank to gain an advantage. However, the Shoe was badly damaged, and she exited the tank, preparing to engage Eri, who had destroyed it with grenades. Before she could act, Marco intervened, fatally slashing her throat and decapitating her. According to reports from the troops who witnessed the event, Marco displayed her head as a warning to surviving Rebel soldiers, forcing them to surrender in fear. Through Doctor Amadeus' intervention, her digital consciousness was transferred into a custom-made cyborg body. This resurrection fueled a deep-seated hatred for Marco, leaving her feeling humiliated by her gruesome demise. She vowed to exact revenge, seeking to make Marco experience a similar fate.

Following the plan for the Rebel Army's revenge attack, which she helped plan, she disguised herself as a drill instructor. She made the cadets she trained feel empowered and relatively safe. Unlike Allen, who had a harsh but encouraging persona, she adopted a softer and gentler approach with a ruthless and cynical edge. After work, she would sometimes flirt with the male cadets over drinks or join the female cadets for smoke breaks. She mainly stayed behind the scenes, focusing on tactical planning and allowing her twin half-brother to showcase his combat prowess. This also gave him a much-needed break from the constant demands of planning. Additionally, she ensured that the Rebel Infantrymen and cadets were well-equipped and supplied.

She attempted to brainwash the P'isqu Runakuna ("bird people" in Quechua) into collaborating with the Rebel Army, eliminating the cadets and other resistance forces using methods of their choice. However, this alliance was short-lived. After Dilovar broke free, he rallied the P'isqu Runakuna to fight against the Rebel forces, who had planned to eliminate the native population in order to minimise resistance against their regime in the South Pacific archipelago. Upon learning of Logan's death, she prematurely activated the Cabracan, triggering minor earth tremors that caught the surviving cadets and Division 6 off guard. While they were distracted by the Cabracan, she called for rescue and dragged Allen's reviving body to a hidden helipad. Morden's Hi-Do helicopter arrived just in time, allowing her to escape.

[zimwy]

LEGAL NAME : james buchanan barnes.

NICKNAME[S] : bucky, buck (prefers this only from steve but will tolerate it from other people), jimmy (doesn't like this from anyone but rebecca), canary, the winter soldier, the revolution. also referred to as bucky bear and buckaroo (if you aren't kobik do not even think about it).

DATE OF BIRTH : 3/20/1925.

GENDER : amab. difficult to define, relatively masculine outer presentation but very feminine inner presentation. generally best described as nonbinary, slightly trans fem, and overall unattached.

PLACE OF BIRTH : shelbyville, indiana.

CURRENTLY LIVING : verse dependent. had a home in indiana, sold it as of 2022 (in irl time). apartment in brooklyn. previously moscow, russia. has small hidden safe locations all over the world. 

SPOKEN LANGUAGES: english, hebrew, russian, japanese, mandarin, spanish, german, french, arabic, vietnamese, conversational korean, ASL, RSL. kind of understands yiddish by merit of knowing hebrew and german. can also read morse code and understand military speak.

EDUCATION : formal education is limited--bucky attended hebrew classes as a child, and maintained some form of public education until he was 10. private coursework continued from 10-15 whilst a ward of the state, but bucky was never fostered--he simply lived among the soldiers at camp lehigh, and as a result, never completed high school. however, he's far from uneducated or dumb; he's an exceptionally talented physical fighter and was scouted by individuals like colonel applegate, he easily catches onto languages, codes, and cyphers. he's one of the most talented technical fighters in the marvel universe and deeply knowledgeable of combat techniques, persuasion, and psychological warfare. if you have a weakness, he's likely to know it.

HAIR COLOR :  chestnut brown in color, densely curled (around a 3a in texture when fully healthy and maintained), thick to a point of being painfully warm in hot weather, bucky's hair fluctuates in length depending on the time period and his well being. as a young man, it was exclusively cropped short in a military standard comb over. however, as bucky lets it grow out, he generally holds it in a middle part, down to the bottom of the neck, sometimes past the shoulders.

EYE COLOR : rich brown. amber-honey in direct light, otherwise saddle brown.

STATURE : bucky never slouches. his standing posture is generally perfect--as a result of it being proverbially whipped into him to stand up straight during roll call, he's never dropped the habit. when he's fighting, he adopts a more relaxed position that clearly conveys he knows what he's doing.

PHYSIQUE : dependent on age; 15-20 year old bucky was quite narrow, only sinewy muscle, albeit his arms strengthened considerably before the plunge due to regular handling of a sniper rifle (rifles are not light; they are around 15 lbs usually). you could colloquially refer 18-20 bucky as a twink. however, the winter soldier bulked considerably. the soldier's weight fluctuated up and down depending on time and use, at one point broaching over 220 lbs in musculature alone without the weight of the arm, but this was deeply unhealthy and is not bucky's natural build. now, he defaults around 170-180, still quite strong and felid, deeply graceful. his thighs are enormous and powerful, his calves strong to the skin; his body is well defined due to his proclivity to acrobatics.

FAMILY INFORMATION

SIBLING[S] : rebecca barnes, younger sister. becs is confined to a hospital in the modern age in the 616, but she's a thriving lesbian side kick in other universes, which bucky would think is fucking awesome.  

PARENT[S] : george barnes, father, long deceased; died when bucky was 10. winnifred barnes, mother, long deceased; died when bucky was maybe six. no adoptive or pseudo parents.

RELATIVE[S] : maksim parnes, paternal grandfather, long deceased. maksim is a russian jewish immigrant, and naturalized his name as barnes when he moved to the US.

CHILDREN : no biological children. one could consider RJ boyle and kobik his trustees/adoptive children, however, even if bucky is very unlikely to ever officially sign off on a government sanctioned guardianship transference.

PET[S] : alpine, a small white turkish angora cat. he found her while on a job, and she latched to him, so he decided to adopt her--he had been looking for a cat for a while, visited shelters and all, but hadn't connected enough with one yet.

RELATIONSHIP INFORMATION.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION : bisexual with a moderate male lean. this isn't something bucky really thinks about often until it becomes pressing and immediate, e.g. intense attraction to a man, a crush, etcetera. he sort of perpetually has a crush on steve regardless of their relationship, and that's been a constant since they met as children. he does find plenty of women attractive, but his desire to genuinely do anything with them, sexual or romantic, is muted until he's close with most of them.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS : verse dependent. formerly engaging in a secretive relationship with natalia, bucky has since disengaged (both bc i do not like the Boyish Pining he does when she doesnt remember and has no interest in him, and bc he is not a cheater and i like to ship, lmao). he sort of imagines he will die alone, regardless of if he is dating anyone or is loved by them.

SINCE WHEN : uh. since whenever?

tagged: @snkts mwah mwah tagging: @extravagantliar @yoobiins @murdocktm @velven1th @soulmissed @clawsextended @luposcainus