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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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Prisoner - Bucky Barnes

a/n: hi everyone! i am really excited to share this with you, because this one was written for a writing challenge! it is part of @wkemeup ‘s 9k writing challenge and it’s the first time i take part in anything like this with a Bucky fic! not that i have many but im sure more is about to come lol! let me know what you thought after reading!

prompt: Character A is possessed/controlled and attempts to harm Character B. [B] refuses to fight back in fear of hurting [A].

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: blood, violence, mind controlling, just the usual jazz lol

word count: 7.8k

masterlist

Bucky and you were a pair made in hell. Only that he is the only one out of the two of you who really went through the deepest and darkest corners of it while you were basically just waiting in the lobby, as you like to say it.

He wasn’t the only person HYDRA had plans with. Being an orphan from the age of four, you didn’t have the life you probably deserved. Abducted at the age of twenty, you lived in cells and labs for years before they gave you the serum, turning you into a super solider, with determined plans to turn you into a kind of winter soldier 2.0, eventually wiping your head like his and turning you into the perfect assassin. Only that before they could start with the torture, you were rescued by none other than Captain America during a raid on one of HYDRA’s secret bases.

The Avengers gave you shelter when you had absolutely nothing left in life. Your previous life was long forgotten, almost entirely non-existent, all you had is the safety these extraordinary people were offering you, that you took more than willingly.

You were there when Bucky was captured, still very much fighting with his own conscious. You were in the building when Zemo triggered him into being a murderer again and he broke free, fought his ex best friend, saved his life and then disappeared again. You often found yourself thinking about how you’d be just the same if you weren’t saved. How you’d be out there, used as just a toy to end lives.

You never had to go through the process of ripping this side of yourself out of your head, because they never succeeded with you. But Bucky didn’t have it as lucky as you did. When Shuri contacted you that he was awake from his hibernation and they were working on wiping the winter soldier out of him, you didn’t hesitate to drop everything and be there for him. You didn’t know him that well back then, but you felt like you shared a deep connection through the torturous things you had to go through. You were there for him until he finally became entirely himself. No more winter soldier, just Bucky.

The two of you have tens of missions together behind your back at this point. Partners in work, friends in life, that’s what you are. And in your dreams?

Definitely lovers.

Now as you are rotting in a dark and musty cell somewhere in the middle of Poland, you are starting to regret you never really told him how you feel. You had so many chances to come clear but you were too afraid of rejection and the possibility of ruining your strong friendship and most importantly partnership that you chose to keep it all bottled up inside you.

It might have been days or hours since they locked you in your cell, you wouldn’t know. You lost track of time and you’re not expecting to see the daylight anytime soon either. Are they looking for you? Or do they think you died? No one was around you when you were abducted and there were no signs left behind that would have let your team know you survived. There was a massive explosion near your location in the raid, anyone would easily think that you were caught in the middle of that.

Does Bucky think I’m dead too? Has he given up on me?

You’re starting to think you’ll never find that out. Just like how you’ll never find out what it’s like to grow old, have a home that’s not just a room in a facility, spend your days with your hobbies rather than trainings and missions.

As the thick metal door opens and a creak of light breaks the heavy darkness in your cell, you look up at the man who walks in. If your hands weren’t cuffed with fucking vibranium cuffs, you would easily kill him in a heartbeat along with the three bulky guards he brought with himself.

“It’s time to make a use out of you,” the man grinned before two guards grabbed you by your arms, dragging you out of the cell, taking you God knows here. Probably to your death.

“You have to check twice,” Buckly growled upon hearing Agent Hill’s report from what was found at the scene. Or what was not found.

“No signs of Y/N were found, Bucky. But that explosion was so massive, it wiped out everything in it’s close radius. If she stood close to that…” “But what if she didn’t?!” he snaps, barking at the innocent agent. The room falls silent, no one dares to speak up against Bucky’s raging anger. Fury steps forward and places a hand to the upset soldier’s shoulder as a soft warning to control himself. Bucky takes a deep breath before looking over at Fury, no longer determined to rip anyone apart who wants to argue with him.

“Let’s all calm down and see what we can do. Do you think she survived?” Fury simply questions him. Bucky taps on the panel and a map of the location pulls up on the big screen, showing a little red dot at the places where the team members were located last before the explosion.

“Her last location was far enough of it for her to survive,” he explains pointing at your dot.

“But if she moved just a little closer—“ Hill starts again, but she quickly silences herself when Bucky shoots her another warning look.

“I think she was captured. We can’t just assume that she is gone that easily,” he insists, refusing to even think about the possibility of you dying in that explosion. That’s just simply not an option for him.

Fury stares back at him hard, searching for something in his eyes before he finally nods.

“Alright, let’s get on the case. We need to find out where they could be possibly hiding her.”

Bucky breathes out in relief as the team gets down to work immediately. This is not the part he can help with, he sucks at technical things, so now he is left with just the painful wait until a lead pops up and he can come to your rescue.

The gym is eerily quiet without your bickering. He always trains with you and it’s been one of his favorite things to do. The two of you liked to race in everything and thought you both knew he was faster and stronger, he always let you win a few times, giving you the chance to tease him about being second after you.

But now as he is punching the heavy bag on his own, he wishes he could hear one of your snarky comments about his lopsided moves, because he still hasn’t entirely gotten used to the uneven strength in his hands.

“If she is really out there, I’m sure she is doing fine.”

Sam walks in, his steps echo in the empty room and though Bucky stops for a moment, he doesn’t look at him, just keeps punching the bag.

“She is tough, Bucky. She can take care of herself.”

“Not when she is outnumbered by a dozen,” he growls back. “I know she is tough, but sometimes that’s just not enough.”

For a long time Bucky thought Steve is the only person he can work with as partners, but he had to realize that he had a special bond with you through the tortures you both had to go through and sometimes he felt like you were the only one who understood him truly. Even though your brain wasn’t washed like his, you were close to it and it gave you a great understanding of what he had to go through.

But it wasn’t just about the trauma. As you grew closer to each other you easily became friends, really good ones for all that matters. Bucky loved spending time with you on and out of missions as well. He finds your humor a little dark but quite entertaining, he likes how you are more social than he is so whenever you need to work with someone else you always take the role of the communicator, building a bridge between him and others easily. He loves how much you care about others, how you show your appreciation for your loved ones in the tiny details as making breakfast or baking their favorite cookies. He loves the way you smile whenever he messes up something and you have to take care of it eventually, he loves the way you laugh at his lame, old jokes, he loves how you always fall asleep on horror movies and he loves…

He loves you.

For years he thought he would never feel this way again for anyone, because it’s so raw and human, he thought it was wiped out of him when he became the winter soldier, but you proved him wrong. And now he wishes he told you how he felt, because if you won’t return, he has to live his life knowing you never knew how much you meant to him.

Tossing and turning in his bed, he stays wide awake, not able to even close his eyes when he knows you are out there somewhere, because you have to be. He refuses to nurse the thought of you gone for even a second. You’re qualified, the best fighter he has ever met and he has this feeling in his gut that you made it out of there alive. Maybe you knew the explosion was about to happen. Maybe you ran the opposite way before it was too late. Or maybe you found shelter, or simply was just knocked out of the impact of it and they captured you.

So many possibilities that are way more better than the fatality of your death.

Kicking the silky sheets off his body, the ones he deep down hates because it’s way too smooth against his skin, something he still has a hard time to grow accustomed to, he pulls a hoodie over his head before creeping his way out of his bedroom, down the hallway until he reaches yours. He stands still at the door, a sense of anxiety washing over him as he thinks about what’s inside. Not that it’s the first time he is here, he has spent endless nights in your room, the two of you talking and laughing as you showed him your favorite movies he hasn’t seen. You often bought a big bag of snacks for your movie nights and the two of you sprawled across your comforter, your legs sometimes touching, or there was this one time when he let you braid his hair.

“You should come to missions like this,” he remembers your teasing as you ran your fingers through the neat braids running along his head.

“And give the boys another reason to tease me? No thank you,” he chuckled.

“Another? What do they tease you about?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows as you popped a gummybear into your mouth.

You. It was you they teased him about and how obvious his feelings for you are. Seemingly everyone saw how you looked at each other but you and him.

He twists the silver doorknob before pushing the door open, part of him hoping to see you curled up under the sheets, snoring lightly and peacefully, but the room is terribly empty without your presence.

Everything is just the way you left them. The abandoned workout clothes hanging from the edge of the hamper, your running shoes under the window, your journal lying on your nightstand with a pen on top and his favorite… a framed picture of you and him on your bookshelf with all your favorite romantic novels stacked neatly on the shelves.

Bucky steps closer, his hands hidden in the pooch of his hoodie as he stares at the photo. It was taken a few days after the two of you returned from Wakanda, Bucky was finally free from the winter soldier and it was probably the best few days of his life. The two of you decided to take a trip to London before returning to your duty, a place you always wanted to see, but never really got the chance. It was just the two of you, taking some time away from the avengers, SHIELD, all the bad in the world, pretending like you’re two normal people for just a weekend before returning to your duties in New York. The photo was taken when you returned from the getaway, Steve took it in the gym, the two of you sat at the edge of the boxing ring after a killer fight. It was a simple moment, his arm stretched behind you as you leant against his side. The glow from your alone time was still apparent on your faces, neither of you felt happier in life before, or not at least in the last decade.

His vision blurs as he runs a finger through the frame, a sharp pain stabbing in his chest as he watches your bright smile and rosy cheeks. He never thought he would feel this way about anyone, not after everything he went through, but you proved him wrong. You showed him how much more human he still is that what he thinks of himself and you might not even have realized it.

Too restless to go back to sleep, Bucky storms out of your room, carefully closing the door behind him before going down to Tony’s office, determined to make himself useful. He can’t just sit around and wait, he needs to feel like he is doing everything he can.

When the first rays of the sun shine above the horizon and the first agents arrive for their shifts, He has already gone through an immense amount of security tapes from all around the world that had even the slightest match through the face recognition system with yours. None of them turned out to be real, but he never gave up.

“Barnes, were you here all night?” Tony asks in awe when he finds the long-haired avenger with his eyes glued to one of the screens, watching yet another tape.

“Not all night, but… for the majority, yes,” he nods without even sparing Tony a look.

Any other day Tony would tease him for maybe finally doing something useful, or not only using his fist in a case, but not today. Everyone on the team knows how much you mean to him and how hard it is to not know where you are. So he just nods, places his coffee down to the desk and gets down to work without a word.

Soon enough the rest of the team joins them and everyone is working together to find even the slightest lead. Every other minor case is put aside, you are their priority.

The more time passes by without anything found, Bucky feels like a part of him is dying more and more. Hopelessness and fear is taking over his already messed up mine, but he is still holding onto the light and that small little feeling in his gut that you are still out there somewhere. And then they find a lead.

“We’ve got a match!” Nat beams from behind her screen and everyone gathers around her as a series of blurry photos play in front of them, showing a group of men carrying a clearly unconscious person to a minivan before driving away. The quality is definitely not the best, your face is also half covered by your hair, but your uniform gives you away. It really is you.

“Where and when was this taken?” Bucky asks in a hurry.

“Last night, outside of Krakow. We have one last coordinate for the van,” Nat informs the group as she brings up a map, a red dot signaling the last spotting of the same van.

“There’s a closed off military based near,” Steve chimes in, pointing at the map a few miles away from where the pictures were taken.

“Alright, suit up everyone. Guess we are going to Poland,” Tony announces and a moment later everyone is running off to get ready for takeoff.

The ground doesn’t feel that bad anymore. It’s wet and there’s gravel here and there, the coldness is not too comfortable either, but you are getting used to it. Probably because it makes you feel things and that’s important to you now. In times when you often lose contact with your own body and mind, feelings keep you grounded and they remind you of who you are.

Last night you finally found out who caught you and it wasn’t a pleasant surprise. Aziel Nowak is a name you’ve already heard before, but not in the best way. The guy is totally crazy and if that’s not enough, he is kind of a genius as well. These two never sit well with each other and you knew it was just a matter of time before you had to face him, but you didn’t think these would be the circumstances.

Nowak’s father, Aleksander was a well-known scientist in the circles of HYDRA, he was one of the assholes responsible for wiping Bucky’s head, unfortunately, his own creation brought his death upon him. Bucky killed him during a raid, all while Aleksander was trying to trigger him, but Bucky was faster than him and shoot him in the head before he could get the second trigger word out. Aziel swore to seek revenge for his father’s death and made it clear that his big plan is to take out every avenger one by one, but all during completely destroying Bucky in every possible way.

Stuck in a clear tube, one that was built specially for super soldiers, you stood in his lab as he got everything ready for his master plan with you.

“The winter soldier was full of flaws,” he started to explain to you, working behind his computer while you couldn’t do anything to stop the madness. Even if you could break out of the tube, you were terribly outnumbered with the hoard of guards in the room, all of them armed and ready to rip you apart. It would have been a suicidal mission.

“The trigger words take a lot of time to enlist and sometimes, we just don’t have time for that. We need our soldier instantly, in a push of a button, if I might add,” he smirked and you almost gagged. He was a lowlife, disgusting middle-aged man, completely out of touch of reality, wrapped up in his own head with his ridiculous misconceptions and twisted view of the world.

“But fear no more, I have a better solution,” he grinned at you, holding up a tiny chip between his fingers and your jaw flexed. You didn’t know what it was, but you had guesses. “Spent years working on this little thing and now I can finally test it out and you get to be the lucky one to do it. Start the gas,” he ordered and a moment later some kind of gas started to fill the tube up. Your pathetic attempt to escape was cut off shortly when you felt your whole body freeze as you inhaled the gas. You just stood there, completely no control over your own body. The back of the tube opened with a hiss once the gas cleared out from around you and you felt a sharp stabbing at the back of your neck. You couldn’t even gasp, you were as frozen as a statue, unable to defend yourself and you truly felt like it’s the end. You wish it was though.

Nowak implanted the chip into your spine and you could feel the wires cling into your nerves, melting into your body like a parasite. A single tear rolled down your cheek as your wound was closed off.

“This is going to be so much fun,” Nowak smirked when he walked into your sight again. He had a control panel in his hands and as he pushed some buttons electricity bolted through your whole body and you completely lost control over your actions. Your body moved without your consent, arms and legs acting without your brain actually telling them.

You became a prisoner in your own body.

The night was spent fighting with Nowak’s best guards as he tested out his new toy: you. He could control your whole body thanks to the chip and while you were screaming and shouting in your head, there was no escape. He made you into his ragdoll and there was nothing you could do against it.

He switched the chip off when you were thrown back into the cell. You sobbed for hours probably as you tried to get the thing out of yourself, blood was dripping down your back, but you had to accept that it was too deep, clinging onto your spine, you couldn’t get it out with your bare hands.

Now you are lying on the floor and try to remember who you are, because you’ve been feeling like you lost touch with your true self. The only thing that has been helping is remembering your favorite memories.

It makes your heart flutter when you realize that most of them have Bucky in them. Your most favorite? The time you spent in London. Those days are the closest and dearest to your heart and now you just wish you could go back in time for even just an hour. Strolling down the streets like any other tourists without a worry in the world, watching the city lay in front of you as you ride the London Eye or walking along the River Thames. You felt so normal, so happy, sharing your time with the man you probably love the most in the whole wide world.

“I could live here,” you sighed when the Big Ben came into view above the brick buildings.

“It rains too much here,” Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at you, his arm brushing against yours.

“I like the rain. Love the smell of it, love how refreshing it feels after it,” you chuckled.

“And what would you want to do here?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe I would work at a library. Or a café!”

“You want to be a barista!” He chuckled, smirking down on you. “Is this why you wanted Tony to get a fancy espresso machine?”

“Well, not just because of this, I just really like good coffee,” you smiled up at him. “What, do you not like my coffee?”

“Oh, I do. You make the best in the tower,” he nodded.

You could always talk about anything and everything with him. He understood you so well and you liked to think it worked the other way as well. That you were just as important to him as he was to you.

“Bucky.” His name falls from your lips like a desperate plea, as if you could summon him and he’d be here any moment to rescue you. But nothing changes and you are still on your own.

You’ve been wondering if this is how he felt when they made him to be the winter soldier. If he went through the same struggle or if it was worse. He said he doesn’t remember everything he did, as if sometimes he just completely disappeared in his own head, but other times live vividly in his memories.

You remember everything too. The chip has no control over your mind and thoughts, it works as another brain that takes over control in your body, caging your mind in your own head while it works your body.

A siren rings through the building and you gasp, your head snapping in the direction of the metal door. You hear orders in a foreign language and running footsteps somewhere down the hallway. Pushing yourself up you move to the far end of the room as you hear someone approaching your cell. Before the lock clicks on the door, you feel the familiar electricity run through your body and you breathe out before you lose control over your body again. You stand up, not because you want to, but because this is what they ordered. The door swings open and Nowak walks in.

“Guess your little friends figured out where you are. It’s time to show them my masterpiece.”

The military base is pretty lively for a closed off one. As the team is approaching the complex they inspect the possibilities they have to get inside.

“Alright, we have to be smart about this. Nowak is a psychopath,” Tony announces when the quinjet is nearing the base. “Barron and Natasha, we need a diversion. Banner, you stay here and only come in if it’s needed,” he starts and everyone nods along. “Wanda, the same goes for you as well. Listen to the call word and be ready to interfere. Sam and I are going to clear the main building, try to find Nowak. Barnes, Cap, you are tracking Y/N down. Everything clear?”

“As daylight,” Steve nods as he grabs his shield from the side.

Once the quinjet touches down, everyone goes their own way, going along the plan they discussed. Nat and Clint do well with the diversion, a great amount of guards and soldiers are drawn in their way as Tony and Sam make their way into the main building of the base.

“Where should we look, Buck?” Steve asks his friend as they hide behind one of the quarters. Bucky looks around, inspects the place and nods towards a building that’s clearly powered with a lot more electricity for whatever reason, Thick cables running inside, snaking under the doors, pouring extra power inside. Steve nods and once the way is somewhat cleared out, they head inside.

They take down the few HYDRA agents that try to get in their way as they run further into the building without even breaking a sweat. They easily reach the lab and it almost feels way too easy.

“Something is not right,” Steve says as the two of them walk into the empty lab, curious inspecting all the machines and equipment they have absolutely no idea how to work.

Bucky’s eyes fall on the tube in the far corner of the room and walking closer he gets an eerie feeling and he can already picture you trapped inside, the thought making his stomach churn.

“Anyone found Nowak yet?” Steve asks through the com.

“Negative,” Nat grunts back in the middle of her own fight.

“Haven’t seen the fucker either,” Tony answers and Steve sighs.

Just as Bucky is about to head to the door that leads out of the lab at the other end from where they entered, the sliding door opens and they both get ready to fight whatever is about to come into sight. But neither of them were expecting you to walk out.

“Y/N?!” your name falls from Steve’s lips as he lets his shield down, staring back at you confused. But you don’t answer, just stop a few feet away from them, staring blankly ahead of you and Bucky swears he was on the verge of fainting from his anger, because he knew those eyes all too well, because he used to see them in the mirror.

“Y/N, what did they do?” he whispers desperately, a hand reaching out to you, but it’s quickly cut off when you grab his hand and easily throw him over, his back contacting the floor with a painful thump.

Hell breaks loose fast as you start fighting them off, using the advantage of their shock upon seeing you, working against them while they try to make you remember them.

“Y/N, it’s us! We don’t want to hurt you!” Steve growls when he saves himself from one of your hits, his shield coming between the two of you.

I know! I know it’s you, but I can’t do anything! You scream in your own head, unable to even form the words. You’re a prisoner in this body you thought to be yours, but it betrayed you.

You never fought both of them before at the same time, but now that it’s happening, you’re surprisingly good at it, handling two super soldiers at the same time when one of them has a vibranium arm while the other one keeps throwing a vibranium shield at you, though it’s clear they aren’t giving their best, afraid of hurting you even though you’re in killer mode right now and determined to rip them apart.

“Do you think they did the same to her as they did to you?” Steve asks out of breath when you throw them against a wall and return to fight Bucky.

“It’s something else. Look at the back of her neck!” he growls when you throw a punch in his way that he catches with his metal arm, holding your fist tight as you keep pushing it and this moment of pause allows Steve to take a look at you from the back.

“Oh shit,” he breathes out.

Yes! Take this shit out and I’m free! You scream, but no one hears. Your fist frees from Bucky’s grip and you kick him in the stomach so hard he snaps against the desk behind him and wasting no time you jump right at him, the fight continues.

“If anyone finds Nowak, don’t kill him. We’ve got Y/N and she is being controlled by something,” Steve explains through his earpiece before throwing his shield in your direction right when you’re about to attach your hands to Bucky’s neck. It hits you in the side and you fall to the ground grunting.

“Don’t fucking hurt her!” Bucky growls at him, but Steve gives him a look.

“She is trying to kill us, we have to do something!”

You’re on your feet fast, already charging at Steve and it catches him by surprise, he stumbles back as your knee collides with his stomach, a punch thrown at his pretty face.

“I see Nowak!” Tony’s voice comes through the earpieces, but they don’t have the chance to celebrate, because you’re kicking their ass big time.

When you want to launch yourself at Steve again, Bucky’s arms wrap around your waist from behind and he pulls back, pushing you away, making you stumble, but you’re back on your feet quickly. Your eyes meet and you want to touch him so badly, run into his arms, tell him how happy you are to see him and that he was the only thing that kept you sane, but instead, you throw yourself at him, fist colliding with the side of his head.

I’m so sorry, Buck!

“We’ve got Nowak!” Tony announces and Steve sighs in relief.

“Does he have something like a remote or controller?” he asks while you and Bucky are at each other’s throat. You throw him to a desk and drag him across it, papers and equipment flying everywhere before he ends up on the floor groaning. You have the perfect chance to throw a punch in again, but you turn around and run back towards the door you came through.

“He has a controlling panel, do you think it’s connected to Y/N?” Tony asks.

“Very much likely, but please hurry up, she is trying to run away!” Steve begs as they both start to chase after you in the labyrinth of hallways. You’re footsteps are echoing on the checkered floors as they are trying to catch up with you. You take a left turn and get out of their vision just for a split second. As they get around the corner they immediately freeze when they find you standing there, a gun pointing right at Bucky’s head, a deadly, but still rather blank expression in your eyes.

“Shit,” Steve breathes out.

“Y/N, I know you are in there,” Bucky speaks up.

Yes! I’m here! I’m here Bucky!

“The controller is locked, but we are working on it,” Tony announces through the com, but it doesn’t help their situation right now. If he can’t unlock the controller, you are likely to shoot them both if they don’t do something. As you stare back at your two friends, you are using everything in you to try to get back the control over your own body, but it’s like you’re just silently screaming in an empty, locked room.

“I know you hear me. Please, try to fight it off. I know how hard it is, but if anyone can do it, it’s you,” Bucky continues and if only you were in charge of yourself, you’d already be sobbing at the broken expression he is staring back at you with. Your finger is on the trigger and you can feel your muscles trembling.

“Buck, we need to disarm her,” Steve tells him, but he shakes his head.

“No. We can’t do that without hurting her and I’m not doing that.”

Oh Bucky! That’s the only way now!

“She is gonna shoot, Bucky. We have to do something!”

“She could have already fired. She is fighting it off, I know it.”

“Or maybe it’s just whatever it is inside her messing with her head as Tony is trying to break the controller.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I know you can do this. I’m not gonna hurt you, you can fight it!” Bucky continues, ignoring Steve’s words, who stands behind him with his jaw flexed.

I can’t do it, you need to knock me out! I’m not strong enough to do it!

You are trying everything you can and you are already holding your finger back, you would have already pulled the trigger if it wasn’t for your resistance somewhere in this cage. But you just know you’re not strong enough to stop yourself forever, they will need to disarm you, there’s no choice.

You stare back at Bucky, his forehead and left cheek bloody from wounds you gave him and he probably has a few bruises under his leather jacket as well, all because of you. Nowak made you hurt the person you love the most and now his life is being threatened. You know he won’t fight you, he will not try to disarm you, he would rather take the bullet than cause pain to you, more than what he already did during your fight.

The gun trembles in your hand as you’re desperately trying to gain your control back, sweat beading on your forehead, your chest heaving.

“Stark, we are running out of time!” Steve warns him through the com.

“Just one more second!” he answers, but you’re afraid you don’t have that much time.

“Y/N, please!” Bucky begs, a single tear rolling down his cheek and you can feel your own heart breaking at the sight of him. You can’t believe it’s because of you, you are causing him pain when you swore to work to see him his happiest in his life.

Your jaw flexes and you are on the verge of breaking, the tiniest light flashing in front of you as you keep pushing, trying to take back control, but then you feel like losing again. It all happens so fast, you can barely process.

You know you’re about to pull the trigger, you can’t stop yourself, but just as you are about to do it, Tony’s voice rings through the com.

“We got it!”

In a blink of the eye, the invisible grip that’s been keeping you tight vanishes, the cage opens up and suddenly you feel yourself come alive again as the most painful, deafening and desperate scream rips from your throat, the gun falling from your grip before you collapse on the ground in complete shock of everything that went down.

“Get it out! Get it out! I can’t do this!” you scream, your nails scratching the back of your neck once again, trying to reach the chip, but you’re just breaking your own skin once again, blood dripping down your back.

“Hey, it’s alright, sweetheart. We got you. You’re gonna be fine!” Bucky falls to his knees, cradling you into his arms as you sob into his hard chest, hands gripping the fabric of his jacket tight as your salty tears soak your cheeks, your whole body shaking.

“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” you repeat, shaking your head as if you were trying to get rid of the memories, but they are still there, you still know what it’s like to be a prisoner in your own head but at least now you are with Bucky and that brings you the peace of mind you’ve been seeking all along.

“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s alright. You’ll be alright, sweetheart, you’re safe with me now,” he murmurs into your hair, his arms holding you so tight it’s starting to get hard to even breathe, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You cling onto him as if your life depends on it and in a way, it really does. Bucky gathers you into his arms as you keep mumbling your apologies and begs to make it stop even though you are not being controlled any longer. He carries you to the quinjet as he keeps murmuring reassuring words into your ear, telling you that everything is going to be alright now. You are in good hands.

You don’t let go of him on the way back and he doesn’t seem to want to do it either. Curled up on his lap, you let yourself fall into a shallow slumber as his fingers are dancing up and down your back, keeping you close to his chest, the feeling of finally being home taking over your senses.

Arriving back to New York you are helped off the jet by Bucky or course as he walks you to the med bay where Dr. Cho is already waiting for your arrival.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. We’ll fix you up,” she smiles at you as you are expected to let go of Bucky, but your head snaps back in his direction in panic, hands grabbing onto his anxiously.

“It’s alright, I’ll be here waiting for you. My stupid face will be the first thing you see when you wake up,” he jokes, his tired eyes fixated on you as you hesitate to let go of him, but eventually do it.

Keeping his promise Bucky stay outside as long as you are under Helen’s hands, not able to even drag him away to change clothes. The only thing he can make himself is dragging his ass to the nearest restroom to at least wash the dried blood off his face, but he quickly returns to his previous spot.

It turns out removing the chip is a bit more complicated than anyone thought. The micro wires are so deep in your nerves, Dr. Cho has to be careful if he doesn’t want to paralyze you with just one wrong move. Five entire hours pass by before the chip is finally out of you, before they place you in one of the rooms until you wake up from the anesthesia. Bucky is right by your side, holding your hand soothingly as he waits for you to open your eyes again. When he sees your eyelashes fluttering, he holds his breath as your eyes open and you adjust to the light and the view around you.

“Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” he softly asks, gently brushing a strand of hair out of your forehead.

“Like… I just fought against two super soldiers,” you breathe out in a joking manner that makes him chuckle. You’re back and he missed you more than he could ever express.

As you let out a long and heave breath, you feel everything coming back to you and you can’t stop your sobs and the tears falling from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky,” you gasp and he is quick to leap forward, one hand holding yours while the other one cups your cheek as he makes you turn your head towards him.

“No, no, no. You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N. You did everything you could, you fought it so well!”

“But I hurt you! I didn’t want to hurt you, I was screaming inside my head, but I just couldn’t stop!” you sob shaking your head.

“I know, it wasn’t your fault! Please don’t think for a moment anyone blames you!” he begs, his bright blue eyes glued to your pained face as you fight your tears back. A hand moves to the back of your neck, feeling the wound where the chip used to be.

“Is it gone?” you ask in a whisper.

“It is. Helen took good care of you. You’re free now,” he smiles and you feel a wave of relief washing over you right away. Your body is yours again, finally.

“I didn’t think I would be myself again,” you admit, your voice slightly shaking. Bucky’s heart breaks at your words, but remains silent as you carry on. “I kept thinking of memories that feel the closest to me and it was the only thing that kept me sane. And I realized that the dearest ones are all with you, Bucky.”

His lips part at your revelation as his heart is beating fast against his ribcage. He has been waiting for this moment to come for what feels like eternity and now it might become his reality.

“When I thought I would never be the same again, I just thought about… you. That I don’t get to see you again, when I always wanted to spend all my days with you, Buck.”

“I want to spend all my days with you too, sweetheart,” he breathes out, leaning closer until his face is only inches away from yours. “I hated the thought of you being gone without ever telling you how I feel.”

“How do you feel, Bucky?” you ask in a trembling voice.

“You are my everything, Y/N. You are my best friend and everything beyond and I was such a fool for not telling you before this, but the thought of losing you made me realize that I have to stop being a coward,” he chuckles with tears bubbling in his eyes. You reach out and cup his face in your palms, your thumb running along the dark circles under his eyes and you wonder if he even slept a moment since you’ve been gone.

“We were both idiots, don’t beat yourself,” you chuckle softly, making his mouth turns into a grin before he leans closer and his lips finally press against yours, capturing them in a sweet, so-good-to-have-you-back kiss you’ve been dreaming about for probably way too long but at least since London. It’s soft and gentle, filled with the promise of many more to come. Thought you’re trying to stretch it as long as possible, a cough is heard from the door and you both pull back, turning your attention at the rest of the team standing there, all of them happy to see you again, or maybe to see the two of you finally taking the step they’ve been waiting for to happen.

“I guess you are feeling better now, yeah?” Nat smirks as she walks further inside, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Much better,” you admit with a shy chuckle. “Thank you for the rescuing, guys.”

“It’s the least we could do,” Sam smirks at you.

“And Barnes would have gone nuts if we didn’t find you so that was also quite motivating,” Tony jokes nodding towards the man by your side, who is still holding your hand as if you could disappear any moment.

“Steve, I’m sorry for trying to hurt you,” you breathe out at the sight of the tall blonde man, but he just shrugs with a warm smile.

“It’s alright. At least now we know that you could easily kick our ass at the same time,” he jokes nodding towards Bucky, though you all know they were holding back, not wanting to hurt you. You still remember the look in Bucky’s eyes when you held him at gunpoint. He could have easily disarmed you but it would have cost you at least a broken arm, yet he refused to lay a hand on you and believed that you could control yourself again.

When the team is gone and it’s just the two of you again in the room, Bucky sits at the edge of your bed, his fingers playing with your hand over the white sheets as you let yourself fall into the sense of safety again.

“You should have disarmed me, Bucky,” you tell him, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I could have killed you,” you retort.

“I know,” he nods, his lips pressing into a thin line. “But I just couldn’t cause you any more pain.”

“The fact that I was hurting you was already a pain, Bucky. You should have just knock me out.”

“Would you ever do the same to me?” he questions and though you open your lips to answer, you realize that he is right. You would have never hurt him on purpose, not even if he was back at being the winter soldier. You could have never hurt your sweet Bucky, the man that means more than anything ever in your torturous life.

“See? How do you expect me to do it then?” he smiles softly. “But it doesn’t matter, you are free now. It’s all in the past.”

“It still broke my heart, seeing you like that.”

“I can only say the same,” he breathes out, his eyes softening on you. “I wanted to help you so bad, but I couldn’t…”

“You helped me a lot,” you smile at him, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of his forehead. He smiles back at you and through his ocean eyes are still looking tired and a little bloodshot, but there’s a tiny little glimmer in them, something you’ve seen before, it was the most apparent when Shuri was successful at ridding him from the winter soldier and you also saw it in London. You’ve been seeking this little shine for a long time and you’re happy to have it back.

“We should go on a vacation,” he suggests, his smile growing wider with each passing second.

“Oh, I didn’t know avengers had vacation days,” you tease him.

“They do, as much as they want,” he nods grinning. “Where would you want to go? Do you want to go back to London?” he questions as he brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your bruised knuckles.

“Mm, we should go somewhere new,” you purse your lips. “I’ve always wanted to see Amsterdam.”

“Then Amsterdam it is,” he chuckles before leaning closer he kisses your lips gently with a promise of a bright future together.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

#kas9kwc #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #james buchanan barnes

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jaedreaminn · 3 years

Text

Desperate Much?

Pairings: Ten x Reader.

Theme: fluff, angst, hurt, comfort, family, sad, happy ending. (Life is still going on)

Characters: Ten, Taeyong, Mark, Donghyuck, Jeno.

Word Count: 2k

~~~

Ten wasn't like his 'brothers'. Infact he wasn't ever their brother, he was their cousin. His dad was the one who inherited the family business and had settled with him and his mother in Thailand to branch out.

He had a happy and perfect life with both of his parents, but that was untill they both died unexpectedly in a car accident when he was eleven. And suddenly everything in his life was changing. He had to move to Korea to live with his uncle and his children, his father's buisness was now his uncle's buisness until Ten was old enough to take over. Until he could legally take over. He had to learn a different language, make new friends and start his life all over again in a very dysfunctional family.

He remembered the constant yelling between Mr.Lee and Mrs.Lee, having to sit by himself during those times when Taeyong would take his younger brothers Mark and Jeno and hide in his room, he remembered how Donghyuck would cry under the scrutinizing gaze of Mrs.Lee as she fought with Mr.Lee and the boy was stuck there not able to escape, the loss of the joys of family dinners that he was used to, the loneliness he felt. That was when he met you. You were his only friend in this country and even though he could barely talk to people you tried your best to talk to him despite the language barrier.

You were cheerful and jovial and very very clingy but he didn't mind that. You ate lunch with him and helped him with his Korean. You even made sure to stick by his side with the excuse of him being new here so he wouldn't get lost months after he arrived.

You were a blessing in disguise to him especially since it was so awkward with his cousin Taeyong at home and at school.

Time flew fast and a year had passed and he could speak and write Korean way better than before and lucky for him you were still stuck to his side.

In those trying times you were his only semblance of joy. The times in which Mark wouldn't talk at all, the times in which Taeyong would go around at the ripe age of twelve and hurt people with words so sharp that they would leave the school, when all Jeno did was look upto Taeyong and when Donghyuck started to act out getting himself in trouble so bad that he could have almost lost his life but no one cared.

It hurt Ten to watch all this happen but not being able to do anything about it because no matter how well he got along with the youger two, Taeyong would always pull his brothers away from him and take them to his room and well Donghyuck, he wouldn't talk to anyone at home.

But unfortunately all he could do was get used to this awful life, glad that you would quietly listen to him rant and then lighten his mood up with something silly.

He was mid rant one day when he spoke about how much he missed 'family dinners' that you interrupted him, "Why don't you have a dinner with your cousin's?" Ten scoffed at you and shut that idea down immediately but when he came home and saw how far apart everyone was he decided there and then that's what was needed.

So he forced Mark out of his room and away from his books, he pryed Donghyuck away from his bed, he bribed Taeyong and Jeno just followed his eldest brother and thats how he found himself at the diner table for the first time ever since his parents passed away.

"I used to eat dinner like this with my parents" he spoked but Taeyong glared at him, "I don't care"

"Look you want to be a brat be a brat but at the dinner table all feuds are forgotten and all hatred is gone, food is supposed to be consumed happy"

"What did your parents say that?" Taeyong asked, rolling his eyes.

"Nope y/n did!" Ten said with a cheeky smile, "Now c'mon dig in"

And so there started their first meal together with everyone silently serving themselves, "So we usually talk about our day at the dinner table" Ten smiled his eyes crinkling into two half moons. "I know none of you will say anything so I'll start, Teacher Park yelled at me for correcting him on his Korean today. I was so pissed" Taeyong snorted at that, "Yea that old geezer is weird"

"I know I don't like him either" Donghyuck spoke and Taeyong glared at him but Ten cleared his throat loudly and Taeyong sighed muttering an inaudible apology.

"I placed a fart cushion on his chair today" Donhyuck grinned proudly and collective snorts were heard across the table and Jeno chocked on his food as Taeyong patted the younger boys back. Mark was still eating quietly. Then Donghyuck frowned, "But he didn't like that..." He then put out his hands showing everyones his palms, "So he took me out of the classroom and hit me" Tens heart sank at the red bruises on the boys hands and Taeyong was glaring again but this time it wasn't at Donghyuck, "How dare that old rat hit a seven year old child like that" the eldest growled. But Donghyuck only smiled, "It's okay I'm used to it" he said and Tens heart broke at that statement and by the looks of it so did Taeyongs.

Something shifted between the boys that night and they all knew it. Ten came to school the next day boasting to you about the success of his first family dinner and how excited he was for the next one tomorrow.

He even told you the story Donghyuck had told him not knowing what to do and that very day you got detention for throwing your thick Oxford Dictionary at Mr.Parks face.

Ten still smiles at that memory, a tiny you standing on your bench, yelling out a swear word and launching the book right at the unsuspecting teachers face, nevertheless what you did got the principal's attention. And without making a big deal of it she started an investigation on the teacher.

You chatted excitedly the next day about how exhilarating it was for you to throw a book at that man's face and Ten smiled listening to you talk with animated gestures.

That night he was greeted by the sight of Taeyong silently treating their youngest brothers wounded hands while avoiding the younger boys adoring gaze.

And so life moved forward and Ten had new friends and family here in Korea. And of course you. At this point he wasn't sure if you were his friend or family or both. But you were you.

You were known in school as- The y/n. The y/n who had all of Ten's attention leaving zero for his admirers.

To Ten you were the y/n who made him happy, the y/n who made him laugh, the y/n with a beautiful smile, the y/n who held him as he cried, the y/n who would nag him endlessly when he didn't eat properly, the y/n who would latch pinkies with him and walk everywhere, the y/n who was exceptionally smart and savy.

His life was finally looking up, with you by his side helping him through it all. And slowly he was making new happy memories, like the day he got you all flustered for the first time, or the day Taeyong had put his foot down and finally dragged Donghyuck away from the fighting couple into his room along with Ten, the day he took you to the amusement park you wanted to go to so badly that you kissed his cheek and went running off to the roller coaster, the day Jeno who only looked upto Taeyong had asked him for help, the day he snuck out of the house at night to watch the stars with you, the day Mark spoke at the diner table for the first time, the day you tripped and fell and he got it on camera, the day Taeyong called him his brother, the day of their class picnic and many more.

But there were also bad days like they day he had his first big fight with you or the day Donghyuck had come to him crying and crying without ever telling him why or the day where both the adult Lee's decided to join the family diner and ruined it.

But even those didnt last because his fight with you ended with the two of your crying in each other's arms promising to never have a fight this big again, because the day Donghyuck cried so bitterly that it shook the entire house Taeyong, Mark and Jeno rushed in and it turned into a mini sleepover as they took care of the youngest who soon forgot why he was crying and promised to make sure he only laughs in the future. And the day that Mr. And Mrs. Lee ruined the family diner was the day all five of the boys snuck out to eat marshmallows and chocolate in the park. The initial idea was to make smores but none of them knew how to make a fire and they were all out of crackers.

Those were just a few happy moments with many more to come like the day he asked you out, or the day he and his brothers went camping together, or the day Donghyuck smiled a smile so pure as his eyes shone with genuine happiness or the day Jeno started to think for himself and made friends who were a good influence on him. And the day Mark started dating someone. (Ten genuinely thought by how quite the boy was he would have to force him to talk to people let alone date someone), the day he got his father's company back and the day he proposed to you on the banks of the Han river, under the stars with his family and closest friends there to witness the moment.

"Why are you smiling so big?" your voice interrupted his thoughts and his smiled widened even more at the sight of you. "Did you fart?" You asked him and he chuckled grabbing onto your arm and and pulling you down to sit on his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist. "Nothing I'm just happy"

"Ten Lee I swear to god if you're on drugs then I want a divorce even before I marry you" you scolded playfully and Ten chuckled, "My only drug is you baby" he cooed and you gaged "Eww gross get a room" you said and he deadpanned.

"You're weird you know that y/n?" He asked with a small chuckle.

"Clearly you knew what you were getting into" You smiled, teeth on full display with how wide your grin was.

"Obviously"

"Oh by the way, I handled your little mishap at work today and got a few things you were supposed to do tomorrow scheduled for later and the rest got done today so your free tomorrow the entire day" you said and he smiled at you looking at you so lovingly. He doesn't remember that one moment he realised he was in love with you, maybe there wasn't just one lightbulb moment where her realised he loved you. Maybe he always knew or maybe he gradually figured it out. But that didn't matter all that matters is that he loves you and you love him.

"Ahh what would I do without you?" he asked snuggling into your neck and you chuckled, "Let's never have an answer to that question okay" you said and he nodded, you were right. You were there through evey step of the way after his life turned upside down and he's sure as hell he doesn't want to find out what it would be like without you so Ten grinned placing a small peck on you neck, "I'm gonna take you on the best date of your entire life tomorrow"

"Desperate much?"

"Y/n I'm literally engaged to you!"

~~~

Lee brother's- A mini series

Previous Part: Lee Mark

Next Part: Lee Donghyuck

#Ten #ten fic #ten ff #ten imagines #chittaphon #nct #wayv #nctu #nct imagine #wayv imagine #nct imagines #kpop imagines #kpop #wayv ten #nct ten #neo chaotic technical difficultues #neo culture technology #neo culture tech on my mind

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pwarkluv · 3 years

Text

❝ let me adore you ❞ - hrj

huang renjun x reader | fluff | 1.8k words

WARNINGS | lowercase is intended, slight angst if you look hard enough, college au, friends to lovers au, non-idol au, like one curse word (in the story and in the author’s note so does that make it two?), mutual pining lol, unbelievably fluffy, whipped!renjun, artist!renjun, oblivious!reader and lowkey oblivious!renjun because would it be a f2l without that?

SUMMARY | when you’re his perfect model and the girl he’s been crushing on for the past three years but we don’t talk about that.

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by “adore you” by harry styles. i thought this would fit for this idea hehe :P but don’t get me wrong, renjun would be a little shit as your best friend (even though he loves likes you) but there are moments where he absolutely adores you such as this.

you were completely engrossed into the book you were reading, head laying on renjun’s lap as you two settled on his bed in his college dorm. one hand was softly caressing your head while the other held a pencil in his hand, sketching the finer details of the model he’s sketching.

his model.

his fingers rushed to capture each expression, nose scrunch, and gasp you took as the plot progressed, shocked at the turn of events in the storyline.

❝ i get so lost inside your eyes, would you believe it❞

the way your eyes scanned each line, the vibrant color it held, and the fire behind it as you approached the climax of the story. renjun was mesmerized.

your eyes were one of the hardest things for renjun to draw accurately, for he never liked how it looked. he just always thought that it never looked right.

however whenever he shows you one of the (many) portraits he’s made of you, you’d always reassure him saying it was a literal copy of your face which somewhat eases his worries.

renjun couldn’t tell when he first fell for his best friend.

ironic isn’t it?

the lonely art kid just so happens to fall for the only girl he’s ever been friends with, the only girl he’s ever felt so at home with. just one day he woke up and saw you only to realize you were his whole world.

it was a little scary to be honest. he has never felt anything like this for anybody before. yeah there was the love he felt for his handful of friends, the love he felt for his parents, the love he felt for art.

but his love for you? it was a much stronger and intense feeling than his love for all those things. in his heart, you were everything.

❝ you don’t have to say you love me, you don’t have to say nothing ❞

but he couldn’t tell if you liked him back, let alone love him.

he couldn’t tell if the way you held his hand in your sleep whenever he drives you two back home from the school library, was something platonic or was your way of showing your feelings towards him.

he couldn’t tell if the fond look he sometimes catches you give him whenever he laughs was because he was your best friend or because you genuinely loved his laugh.

he couldn’t tell if the reason you always act a little distant whenever you spot him talking to the girl he’s tutoring was because you were jealous or something else.

and it killed him not knowing. it killed him having to act like some platonic close best friend when all he wants to do is kiss you.

❝ you don’t have to say you’re mine ❞

you’ve had a crush on renjun even before you two became friends.

you remember seeing him back at your high school, always in towards the back of his friend group. you remember how ethereal he looked whenever he was focused on one of his drawings, his tongue poking out a bit as he struggled to perfect a small detail.

you remember the day you became friends, how flustered both of you were. for him it was because he was talking to a girl and for you, it was because you were talking to the boy you’ve been staring at for the past eight months.

you weren’t watching where you were going and bumped into renjun, his hot coffee spilling all over your chest and lowkey leaving a small burn. his eyes widened in shock before becoming an apologizing mess. from then you guys hit it off.

you two then graduated and surprisingly went to the same college where you were now as best friends.

best friend

the two words sounded bitter in your mind and you hated knowing he wasn’t yours. you hated knowing he might fall for another girl and then he won’t be around you as much. you hated it.

but what you hated the most was not knowing how he felt. much like renjun (though you don’t know that), you could never tell if the sweet gestures were because he was your best friend or because he liked you.

you tried being obvious. you always hold his hand whenever he sleeps over, you always make sure he sees you staring at his beautiful face at least once or twice a week (you’re not that bold), you always try to make it known how painfully jealous you were whenever you saw him and that girl talking in the halls.

does he buy your favorite snack every morning before you meet up to walk to school because you were that good of friends or because he felt something for you?

does he call you beautiful whenever he draws you as a friend or as a lover?

does he always cuddle with you during your annual friday movie nights as a platonic thing or because he liked the feeling of you being in his arms. you sure did. being in his embrace, all snuggled up was what made you feel at home.

❝ honey, i’d walk through fire for you ❞

renjun then focused on your lips, his favorite thing about you as a person and his favorite thing to draw. whether it be portraits of you or just your lips in general, it always made an appearance in his sketchbook.

renjun dreams of them, wanting to know how they felt against his. wanting to know if they were really as soft as they looked, wanting to know what your cherry lip balm taste like.

his heart quadrupled in size as he watched you pout, clearly reading the sad part of your book. renjun had to stop himself from chuckling a bit to not disturb you, to not disturb the beauty. his hand was still running through your hair and you hummed a bit, leaning into his touch to let him know it felt nice.

renjun forced himself to look away, trying to not go red at how adorable you were. blinking rapidly, he focused his attention back to his drawing in an attempt to sketch out the layout of your mouth.

he was doing well until all of a sudden he heard a sniffle.

“y/n are you oka-”

you bursted out in tears, quickly sitting up from your position as renjun panicked.

he cupped your face in his hands, worry evident in his look as he saw the tears flowing down your cheeks.

“y/n, baby, are you okay? what happened?” renjun asked worryingly, his drawing long forgotten on the other side of his bed.

you shook your head and pushed it towards the crook of his neck, finding comfort in it. renjun forced his heart to beat normally as he focused his attention on you.

not knowing what to say he immediately wraps one arm around your waist and the other on your hair as he pushes you to sit on his lap, letting you cry out whatever the hell just happened. his hand soothingly stroked your hair, wanting you to calm down.

so you cried. you cried for a good five minutes on renjun’s lap, wanting nothing more than his warmth and loving embrace as your mind thought about the ending of that book.

after you let it out, you quickly felt embarrassed and turned red as you lifted your head from his neck, not wanting to look at the clearly worried boy you’re sitting on.

you pushed yourself out of his lap but his firm grip on your waist kept you in place. you already knew he was gonna demand some answers as you placed your hands on your face in an attempt to hide yourself.

“are you good? you had me very worried over there.” renjun’s free hand went to move your hands from your face as you fought back, chuckling a bit at how red you’ve gotten.

you whined a bit as an answer, wanting nothing more than to disappear off the face of the earth. you literally just had a mental breakdown over the ending of a book in front of the dude you’ve liked since your second year of high school.

“y/nnie that’s not an answer~” renjun teased, happy to see the tears no longer on your face.

though he didn’t show it, his heart broke at your sad expression and malfunctioned a bit, not knowing what to do. he only hugged you and stroked your hair because that’s what he saw in those soap dramas he and his grandmother used to watch as a kid.

his hand went up to your face again, successfully removing your hands. “now tell me what’s wrong princess.”

renjun didn’t know where this sudden confidence came from, calling you two nicknames in the span of ten minutes. but seeing you flush in response all the more fueled it.

your heart sped up at the nickname but you cleared your throat as you whined a bit.

“but you’ll laugh at me junnie!” you pouted, poking back at him by calling him a nickname as well.

renjun’s eyes widened at the sudden jab but laughed it off because of your cute pout. your lips were all he could think about.

now’s not the time renjun, he mentally scolded himself as he reassured you he wouldn’t laugh.

your glossy eyes met his as you explained.

“he fucking died jun, he died!” you cried out, face going back to his neck as renjun stiffened in shock.

you were crying because a character died?

he couldn’t help but laugh as his arms came back to your waist to engulf you in a hug, laying you both down a bit as he laughed.

you could feel the vibrations of his laugh since you were on his chest which caused you to hit him on the arm in embarrassment.

“you’re so mean to me.” you huffed, refusing to look at the boy you were on. you once again attempted to get off his lap but renjun was quick to tickle you as a defense.

“it’s cause you’re too cute y/n!” he chuckled as you squirmed on his bed, laugh talking and begging him to show mercy on you.

“renjunnie no no i’m sorry!” you laughed out as you wiggled on the foot of the bed, arms failing at protecting your middle from renjun’s evil fingers.

the boy looked at you with an evil glint as he continued to tickle you, watching in amusement at your feeble attempts to stop him.

you suddenly pulled him down, causing him to land right in front of you, his arms keeping him stable from falling on your face.

you two froze, lost in each other’s eyes. the close proximity between you the two of you both made your hearts race and in the spur of the moment renjun asked, “can i kiss you?”

❝ just let me adore you ❞

you nodded and leaned up a bit to meet him in the middle as renjun finally learned the answers to all his questions.

for your information, yes your lips were as soft as he thought.

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peggyrose19 · 3 years

Text

Club Knocked Up

Um. Hello there. It’s been a minute *three months* hush you. But uh, here’s the next chapter of my Waitress AU. If you, like me, have forgotten everything that has already happened, you can find the first two chapters here. I make no promises on regular updates because, as we’ve discovered, I’m shit at those. So, as always, thank you so much for reading, and thank you for your endless patience. Characters belong to @lumosinlove.

cw: food, pregnancy

Leo waited impatiently at the doctor’s office, a wrapped pie cradled in his lap. It had become a tradition, making a new special pie for his doctor anytime he saw her. This time was no different, despite the very different circumstances.

He’d made the appointment a week ago. Something in him had known since then what was happening, but he had avoided thinking about it for as long as possible. He’d made the appointment on a whim, lying sick in the bathroom, fighting down another round of nausea, knowing it couldn’t possibly be normal. And so he’d called and booked an appointment with Dr. Perkins, his doctor since he was a baby.

He didn’t want to be there. Leg bouncing up and down, he stared out the window at the sky, turning pink and orange as the sun set. He sighed. The doctor’s office was better than being at home, he supposed.

“Leo Knut?” a nurse called, jolting him from his thoughts, and he stood quickly, following her back. Suzie, her name tag read.

“How are you doing, honey?” she asked absentmindedly, checking something on the clipboard in her hands.

“Fine, thanks,” Leo replied politely.

“Can you just take those shoes off for me?” she asked as they reached the alcove. Leo did as instructed and went to stand on the scale. He fought the urge to fidget as the nurse read the number and noted the number down in his chart.

Next, he was ushered into a nearby chair and Suzie secured a blood pressure cuff around his upper arm. She read it quickly and lessened the pressure, slipping the cuff back into the basket it was in.

“Follow me.” She led him to a nearby room and sat at the computer, typing a few things on the screen. Leo hoisted himself onto the table. As she continued typing, Leo surveyed the walls. Each room, he’d discovered, had different patterns painted on the walls. This one had a checkered pattern, in shades of green and blue. It was a little dizzying.

“Okay honey, and what brings you in today?” Suzie asked, glancing up at him.

“Um, well, I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I’d been feeling sick for a few days so uh, my friends made me. So, yeah. Now I’m here.”

“Oh, well that’s exciting, congratulations!” Suzie said as her fingers clacked on the keys.

“Thanks.” Leo ducked his head.

“Alright, the doctor is gonna want to do another test, just to make sure.” Leo nodded absent-mindedly. “And if that also comes back positive, he’ll get you started on some prenatal meds and fill you in on everything you need to know, m’kay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay, the doctor will be with you in just a few, so sit tight.”

Leo offered her a tight smile before she left, the door closing softly behind her. He sighed once it shut, slouching back onto the table. He did not want to be here.

His mind wandered to the waiting room, with all the expecting mothers looking joyful and excited. He’d felt taunted sitting there earlier, by their smiles and their glow. They were all so happy, those women. They wanted their babies, probably had loving husbands at home, who would be there to support them and take care of them. They were probably loving and kind.

A knock startled him from his thoughts.

“Hi, Leo?” A young man said, opening the door. He had a white coat on, and held his hand under the sanitizer before taking a seat at the computer.

“Hello,” Leo said nervously. He didn’t know this man.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Lupin. It’s good to meet you.”

“Where’s Dr. Perkins?”

“Oh, they didn’t tell you?” The doctor looked confused.

“No… tell me what?”

“Dr. Perkins retired. Yeah, just a few weeks ago. I’ve taken over her patients. I’m so sorry, I thought they got in touch with everyone.”

“Oh. It’s okay.” Leo studied the man in front of him, Dr. Lupin. He had sandy brown hair, stray curls falling in his eyes. He looked tall, fit. A thin scar ran from his left eyebrow to the line of his jaw. Leo didn’t want to know how he got that.

“Alright, well, what seems to be the issue, what’s brought you in today?”

“I’m pregnant,” Leo blurted out, hastily looking away from the scar.

“Oh?” He looked confused.

“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m trans. I don’t know if that’s marked in my chart, but… I am. Um, so. Yeah, I’m pregnant, according to the test I took this morning.”

“Oh, well congratulations!” Leo must’ve made a face because Dr. Lupin’s smile faded. “Not congratulations?” he corrected slowly.

Leo sighed. “I don’t want this baby. It wasn’t planned. I- I don’t even know if I can support a child. But I’m keeping it. I’m keeping it and raising it to be a good person.”

He’d decided on the busride over. He didn’t know if he could even raise a child, didn’t know how he was going to do it. But he also knew he couldn’t abort the baby.

As a child he’d dreamed of being a parent. Even when he knew he would never be a girl, never be a mother, he knew he wanted to raise a child. He wanted to do for someone what his own mother had done for him. But somehow, somewhere along the way, he’d lost sight of that dream. Earl had ruined it maybe, or maybe life had done that. But it didn’t matter, because he was going to do it, and prove to the world it couldn’t beat him that easily.

“Okay. Okay. Let’s get started, then.”

Dr. Lupin said a lot of things that Leo didn’t quite follow, about things to avoid and supplements to take. Leo didn’t really plan on taking any of them, didn’t have the money to afford them all. He also kept getting distracted by those slender hands brushing back stray curls. There was something oddly enticing about it.

“Does that all make sense?” he said finally, and Leo snapped out of his daze.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Well, it’s all on your record, which you should have access to. And if you ever have any questions, feel free to call.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Dr. Lupin nodded, and smiled.

“Wait!” Leo called out as he made to leave. “I um, I made this for you. Well, for Dr. Perkins. I always brought her a new pie when I came in for a visit. So uh, I guess it’s yours now.” Leo held out the wrapped pie, trying to hide his nerves. Carefully, Dr. Lupin took it.

“Well that’s awfully kind of you. What flavor is it?”

“I call it Mermaid Marshmallow.”

“Well, thank you very much. I’m sure it’s delicious.”

It was only once Dr. Lupin’s back had turned did Leo allow himself to smile.

#waitress au #o'knutzy #food cw #doctors cw #pregnancy #chapter 3 #club knocked up #lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast

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sicahyart · 2 years

Text

Bonds of Blood - Chapter 5

Fandom: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Characters: Malos, Haze

Read on Ao3 - first - previous - next

—

Malos was sitting in the furthest corner of the room when the door opened. He didn’t bother to open his eyes, tracking his visitor from the sounds of their footsteps. Too light to be Amalthus or one of his henchmen. He could also perceive the faint vibration of a core crystal, though it felt... Incomplete.

Haze, he guessed.

She stopped around the middle of the room, her crystalline voice filling the air.

“Master Malos, I brought you your meal.”

“...Master?” groaned Malos, opening his eyes to stare at her.

“Why, yes. You are the Aegis, I am merely showing respect to you, Master Malos. Does it disturb you?”

Malos scoffed. Master.

“Do I look like a master of anything?”

“I apologize that you had to be restrained, but the Praetorium cannot condemn violence, more so on its Holy Grounds. You are a guest to Praetor Amalthus, and I am here to help make your stay as pleasant as possible. You can ask me for anything, and I’ll see to serve you, as long as your requests are reasonable.”

Malos stared at her. How could she be so servile and blind. Guest? Did the definition of guest in the Praetorium imply being experimented on? Actually, he wouldn’t be surprised if it were the case. The Praetorium had weird ideas about their so-called guests.

“And what does that make YOU?” he asked instead.

“I am Fan la Norne, envoy for Praetor Amalthus.”

“No.”

She blinked at him, surprised. “Excuse me?”

“That’s not even your real name. Did he steal it from you?”

She looked shocked. But also... curious? She clasped her hands over her core crystal and took a step towards him.

“Did... Did you know me before? Lady Mythra called me ‘Haze’. Did both of you know me sometime in the past? I have no memory of any time before my life at the Praetorium.”

The plea in her eyes reminded Malos of Jin. How he fought to safeguard memories. Memories of someone she had forgotten. They had the same Driver, right? And now one couldn’t die because he had to protect her memory, while the other couldn’t even remember her own name, let alone the one of her Driver. He snorted. The irony.

The female Blade was still looking hopefully at him, waiting for him to tell her something.

“Lora,” he finally said. “You don’t remember her, do you?”

Fan la Norne shook her head.

“Is that someone I knew?”

Malos hesitated. Should he even bother telling her? She could never remember anyway. All she’d get were half-baked stories from someone who had heard them from someone else.

“Doesn’t matter. She’s dead,” he finally let out.

“Could you... Tell me about her?”

Malos avoided her pleading gaze. Why did she even want to know? She was free of this burden, of having to remember her lost Driver. Unlike Jin. No memories, no pain to go with them. No weakness bleeding from them. But... Jin wanted Lora to be remembered, didn’t he? He’d want him to tell her what he could. He looked up.

“She was the Driver of two Blades. You, and another one. Back then, your name was Haze. Mythra knows you because she traveled with Lora and you.”

And Jin. And you all tried to kill me. Because I was trying to destroy your home. And kinda succeeded, thanks to Mythra.

He left these thoughts unsaid. What happened in Torna had gone so wrong. He didn’t want to remember that right now. Much less share it.

“Haze,” the Blade echoed softly. “Why can’t I recall that name? Shouldn’t I recall my name?”

Malos laughed dryly.

“Why don’t you ask your dear Driver? Ask him what happened to your memory. Also what happened to your core. What the heck happened to your core? It’s not normal.”

Her hands reached for the core on her chest, while confusion filled her ignorant golden eyes.

“What do you mean, my core?”

Malos pointed at the blue triangle.

“It’s not full. Half of it is missing. Your ether signature is also messed up because of it. Might be why some of your memories are missing.”

“I... I don’t know what to say. I never thought... How can I even know you’re not lying to me?”

Malos shrugged.

“You can’t. I wouldn’t trust myself either, to be honest. But both Mythra and I called you Haze. Do what you want with that.”

Fan la Norne stayed silent. After thinking for a while, she bowed.

“Thank you for telling me this, Master Malos. I shall take my leave now.”

True to her words, she turned heels and went back through the door. Leaving Malos alone with his meal. He could tell she wasn’t sure if she could believe him or not. It didn’t matter to him. He had nothing better to do than answer her questions anyway.

#xenoblade fanfiction #xenoblade chronicles 2 #xbc2 #xc2 #flesh-eater malos #bonds of blood #sicawrites

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arlingtonpark · 3 years

Text

SNK 139 Review Part I: On Eren Jeager and Genocide

Why?

Why is this happening?

Folks, I’m going to be honest here: there are no words for this. The main thrust of this chapter is completely inexplicable. It’s stupid. It’s ill conceived. FML.

Just…just the term itself is laughable.

Eren redemption arc.

Sksksksksksksksksksksk

After everything he’s done, everyone he’s killed, you’re going to try redeeming Eren in the final chapter?

Eren didn’t need to be redeemed. He was a bullheaded kid who didn’t let anyone stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He sees the titans outside the walls as enemies to be exterminated. When he learns that his real enemies are other humans, who have a right to freedom as much as he does, he can’t accept it and decides to just exterminate them too. That mindset led him down a tragic path of genocide.

That’s not a bad character arc!

In fact, I’d say it’s very compelling. Nonconformity and obstinance are often presented as virtues; flipping that paradigm on its head and showing the vices of those virtues was legitimately smart and provocative.

Making people rethink what traits are virtues and vices is a great moral to the story, and it paired well with the other moral of cooperation and loving your fellow people.

Then this chapter came out, and they threw all that away.

Eren’s arc once made me think of Aristotle, who argued that true virtue lied between extremes: neither too submissive nor too rebellious.

Now Eren’s arc makes me think of pseudointellectual 4chan philosophy, and dumb teenagers: “He’s not a bad guy, he’s just human!!!”

Eren’s motivations are a mess now. He had no free will, but he also had a plan, but deep down he wanted to do the rumbling no matter what, but actually he really wanted to be with Mikasa.

Oh, and B T dubs, he killed his mom too.

You can tell Isayama is desperate to make Eren as sympathetic as possible to justify making him the anti-hero because he’s throwing everything he can pull out of his ass at Eren.

Really, though, all he ended up doing was smearing shit on the character.

Eren’s plan was to kill a significant part of the human population so the world wouldn’t be as overwhelming a threat as before. Simultaneously, he planned (“planned”) for the alliance to become vaunted heroes to the world when they killed him, thus paving the way to peace.

This…makes no sense?

There is no reason Eren should have believed this would work. During the battle of Trost, Pixis asked him if humanity could unite if threatened by a common enemy. Eren said no.

Eren is a pessimist about people. He sees how much the walldians fought with each other and concluded that people would always be at odds.

And the Tybur family helped defeat the Eldian Empire, but only the Tyburs were seen as heroes by the Marleyans. That good will was not imputed from the Tyburs to the other Eldians on the continent. There’s no reason to think that would happen here when it didn’t back then.

I’m assuming, anyway, that the alliance becoming heroes is supposed to lead to a world where Paradis is safe since that’s supposed to be Eren’s goal.

I’m willing to grant that maybe this part of Eren’s plan was more of a hope on his part. Peace would come only after his death, so he can’t truly “plan” for anything afterwards.

I think it’s safe to say that killing the world’s population was the main part of his plan, since that’s the part he had the most control over.

To the extent he had any control over his actions, which brings me to the next point.

So, turns out Eren had no free will.

Can you not feel Isayama’s desperation?

After all the awful things Eren’s done, Isayama’s brilliant idea to make him sympathetic is to strip him of all agency.

This is done by two routes throughout the chapter.

The first is by building him up as a victim. Eren’s mind is fucked; he can’t really control himself. Any decent person would feel pity for him, which is reinforced by the sorrow Armin visibly feels for him.

Then, like a shotgun blast to the face, we are told that Eren killed his mother in a moment that is clearly supposed to endear us to him.

This is such a transparent appeal for our sympathy. Isayama’s desperation leaps off the page and mugs us of it.

The only thing that this revelation adds to the story is that it gives Armin a reason to take up Eren’s hand, and show him support. You can see Armin’s heart breaking for Eren in that moment.

That’s mostly why this is here: to give the mass murderer a hard luck story so our hearts melt for him.

The second route is that depriving Eren of agency absolves him of blame for what he did.

Eren beat Armin bloody, but you can’t really blame him for it. He was drugged out on the Founding Titan and didn’t want to do it. He was acting on impulse, just going with the flow, so he deserves, at the very least, some leniency.

Eren both having a plan and not having much in the way of free will is contradictory. Everyone still talks about Eren as if he’s someone who is doing stuff even though we’re told he’s not really capable of rational decision making.

I’m going to be nice and assume Isayama’s intent is that when you parse this all out, you end up in a place where Eren is not truly responsible for what he did, and in any event this all ended with the titan curse broken and the world at peace, sooooo break out the champagne everyone, we achieved world peace!

…

Yeah, bub, I’m not partying right now.

Isayama’s ploy to absolve Eren of blame didn’t work. Eren is still responsible for the people he killed and his Founding Titan lobotomy counts for shit. Turns out it helps to know how free will works when you’re writing about free will.

Free will is the quality of being in control of your actions, at least to the extent necessary to be held responsible for them.

Eren was just going with the flow (wonder what Annie thought of that…), acting on impulse, and getting dragged along by fate, but that’s not actually important.

It’s been known for centuries that current events are caused by previous events and that the current events will bring about future events in a never ending chain of cause and effect. One domino causes another to fall causes another to fall and on and on. This is called determinism.

And that’s ok because we free will exists. It exists even if we can’t do anything other than what we are going to do. It exists in spite of, or even arises out of, determinism.

This premise, that free will and determinism are not mutually exclusive, is the foundation for a family of theories about free will called compatibilism.

Compatibilist free will is the most popular theory of free will. There are a couple of variations on the basic idea, but the gist is that free will exists when your actions can be linked to an aspect of yourself that you identify with.

For example, if you had no choice but to do something, but you’re ok with that because it’s what you wanted anyway, then you have free will.

Even if I didn’t know you’d stop me in the end, I think I still would have flattened this world.

-Eren Jeager

That’s all I needed to hear.

EREN, FUCK YOU!!!!

Eren had free will, at least as much as necessary to blame him for his genocide.

Isayama threw this curveball at us and all it did was ruin Eren as a character while leaving him just as repugnant as before. Incredible. It’s the worst of both worlds.

Before this chapter Eren was a guy who believed in something and followed that belief no matter who got in his way. That was great! It was tragic and sad, but great storytelling.

Where does this chapter leave us?

What we learn in this chapter is that Eren didn’t really believe in anything. He may have free will enough to be a shithead for what he did, but that doesn’t mean he has free will enough to be an interesting character.

Eren coming to grips with him not being free, in an absolute sense, would have been so much more interesting than what we got. Eren started the series comparing humanity to cattle in a pen. He ends the series being literally sheparded by fate to his death like cattle to a slaughterhouse.

And yet we get no exploration of that at all.

It’s lame. Everything about this is lame. From a storytelling perspective, Eren was just along for the ride. Who would want to reread this series now? A story about a boy who’s quest for freedom neither ends tragically nor happily, but is just forgotten about by the end. What’s the point?

There is none.

Eren’s journey ends up lost in the author’s own ignorance of the very thing this is supposed to be about.

Unfortunately, SNK isn’t interested in 80% of the world being dead. If it were, Eren wouldn’t have gotten such a warm send off.

I was honestly shocked when I read this chapter.

I thought it had been made clear. SNK had come firmly down against genocide. I never imagined Isayama would try a 180 in the final chapter.

And, well, he did, and here we are.

SNK is pro-genocide.

To wit:

Once Eren’s abominable plan is explained to everyone, he is lavished with love and comfort by his friends.

Armin did punch Eren for being callous about Mikasa, but overall all Armin had nothing but sympathy and understanding for Eren. They held hands and hugged and gave Eren a tender farewell.

All they talk about is how great a sacrifice Eren is making.

Not the sacrifice of 80% of all people, but the sacrifice that Eren personally is making of himself.

I don’t know what deranged mindset Isayama has that made him think this was sensible, but no, Eren is not sacrificing anything. He was always going to die. We’ve known this for several dozen chapters. It’s not a sacrifice to befall the fate you were always going to suffer.

He lost nothing. If anything, he gained from this ending.

Eren died knowing he was loved and appreciated by his friends. What more could a dying man ask for?

Eren is rewarded by the story for killing 80% of humanity.

His ultimate fate was no worse than was expected even before he committed the genocide, and he went out in the knowledge that his friends loved him for it.

It doesn’t even make logical sense that his friends would be so receptive to what he did.

There is no difference between Eren’s plan and what we thought Eren’s plan was before this chapter came out.

Armin thought Eren’s plan was to murder humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin was appalled. Armin was willing to sacrifice his life to ensure Eren failed. He was truly acting for the greater good of humanity.

In this chapter, Armin learns that Eren’s plan is actually to murder most of humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin loves him.

Again, hand holding, hugging, “thank you.” No mention of the unfathomable harm caused. The 80% killed are not even a footnote in this chapter.

Even after the fact, Eren’s friends showed no qualms with Eren essentially winning and procuring their safety through genocide.

When previously the mere thought of that was what motivated them to lay down their lives to stop him.

I don’t think Isayama believes this genocide is supposed to bear on how we think of Eren. I say, having just read the chapter that’s all about Eren, in which his genocide doesn’t bear on how his friends think of him. At all.

Was that too great a leap in logic? I apologize if my rationality offends you.

Eren may have died, but he won in the end.

His friends are safe and the world looks set to conclude a peace treaty with Paradis.

I don’t buy for a second that the world is a threat to Paradis anymore, and I don’t buy for a second that there won’t be a peace shortly after the end of the story.

It’s very telling, to me, that it’s the world that’s come to grovel at Paradis’ feet, begging for peace, when previously it was the other way around.

The contours of this “peace,” if you can call it that, were made pretty clear in the epilogue. The world is in ruins while Paradis is stronger than ever, so the world sues for peace for fear of Paradis attacking further.

This is the moral of the story. Frankly, it’s been staring at us in the face the whole time.

How do you end the cycle of violence?

The answer is to win. To be stronger. More determined.

The only peace is enforced peace through domination.

Peace through the barrel of a gun.

To be continued in part II (and possibly part III)

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk 139 #snk chapter 139 #eren jeager

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fuchsiagrasshopper · 3 years

Text

Contending the Flame XII

Author’s note: I’m back after this chapter kicking my butt, I must have rewritten it three times until I was satisfied because it introduces many characters from the show and I wanted to get them just right. Not sure I’m happy with the result still, but yep, here it is. Enjoy lovelies!

Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar x Reader

Word count: 5347

Warnings: The usual

King Harald's hall smelled like a fishmonger's home, and it was as inviting as a slave trader's ship. Sitting down to a meal with the man, Ivar tried to contain his displeasure at being there. It had been on Hvitserk's face since their ships had treaded through the carcasses of dead whales in the bay. Both the brothers managed to set aside their poor manners when they came face-to-face with Finehair, but it lingered in the backs of their minds, just like the bad smell.

Ivar was able to ignore the pleasantries and idle chatter that Harald was currently speaking. He was much more preoccupied with the dark-haired Queen on the throne adjacent to the King. Astrid, Lagertha's shieldmaiden and bed warmer, was sipping from her horn of mead while giving Harald loving looks. They were practiced and disingenuous, but they did not explain how she came to be here. Clearly not of her free will, but Harald was too besotted to notice her veiled contempt.

To Ivar's left sat Freydis, introduced as his personal thrall. He had gauged for any sort of inkling of familiarity to pass between her and Harald, but alas he only seemed to have eyes for his new Queen. Freydis was too cunning to give away anything on her part, and that left Ivar wondering if she was as great a deceiver as Loki, or that she hadn't been sent by Finehair to begin with.

That put his mind back on Lagertha and Kattegat. She must have been the one to send in a spy. She only cared for Bjorn, and she wanted all of the other sons of Ragnar to perish just like their mother. That was how he saw it anyhow, but he knew his brothers would disagree. They weren't as quick to take up arms against Ragnar's first wife as he was, and that made him feel bitterly alone.

Freydis continued to shower him with compliments and attention, and he lent into the treatment. He needed to keep her close until it was discovered who she was working with, but he was also missing you. She was a strange substitute for your place, holding none of the similarities that had endeared you to him. He was still frustrated by you revealing your name to Heahmund as well, and perhaps this was his way of acting out against you. It was a petty move considering you weren't even there to witness this ongoing dance with Freydis.

"If you were to help me conquer Kattegat," Harald said, catching Ivar's attention. "Would one of you want to be King?"

Hvitserk sent Ivar a look as if to say 'It's a trap'. Harald was looking for humble allies who wouldn't challenge his bid to be King of all Norway. He must not have understood the sons of Ragnar, or he was coming from a place that underestimated them.

"It is our home," Ivar replied vaguely.

"Of course, I understand your attachment. Your father was King before, and then your Queen mother. I respect your family, but Kattegat is also too important a location for trade. I would need it to fuel my war and feed my army. Whoever rules Kattegat must accept that his lead is to benefit me, a mutual working relationship."

"I'm sure that could be arranged," said Hvitserk.

Ivar nodded. "We would be accommodating to your plight."

"And what of Lagertha there now? Perhaps she could make me a better offer?"

If Harald had any sense, he would have noticed his Queen's false looks of adoration had ceased at the mention of Kattegat's current ruler. Ivar gave a smirk that was meant for Astrid.

"If she had anything to offer, she would have already done so," He said, reaching for more mead. "Our army has the numbers. Lagertha will die. She is a usurper and coward."

Astrid had to hide her foul look when Harald took her hand in his, but even through her blank stare could Ivar feel her loathing. Harald continued to stroke her fingers as he spoke. "And how will she die? I do not doubt your heart or courage Ivar, but Lagertha is a shieldmaiden worthy of Valhalla. You cannot achieve a victory hand-to-hand."

Freydis grabbed his hand beneath the table, and he wanted to smack it away. The frustration he felt at himself for not being able to challenge his mother's killer in single combat would always be his greatest failure. He could outwit the legendary shieldmaiden, but at the time of her death, he feared he would not be satisfied.

"I have my own way of getting to Lagertha, but first we need your answer. Will you fight alongside the sons of Ragnar?"

"I count only two of you," Astrid piped up. "Are the sons of Ragnar not of one mind? Where are Bjorn and Ubbe?"

Harald planted an obnoxious kiss on Astrid's mouth before she could turn. "My beautiful wife raises a good question. Where are your brothers?"

"Bjorn is our half-brother," Hvitserk said with a shrug, "And his intentions will always align with his mother."

"And Ubbe is a traitor. He sailed with a handful of our warriors to Kattegat," Ivar said, glad for the lie. His mind slipped to you for a moment, but he shook it away. He had refused to bring you here in person, but even in thought, it was dangerous. You were a distraction that could cause him to make a mistake or have poor judgement, through no fault of your own.

"Then I'm certain Lagertha will be anticipating our assault," Harald said with a frown.

"But she won't have an idea as to when. She knows we will bring the fight to her, but we have the advantage of time," Ivar pointed out, and he could feel Hvitserk's questioning look.

Harald let out a laugh. "You remind me of why I fought alongside your father. I cannot refuse the offer to join with the sons of Ragnar and their army now. Let us share a horn and thank the Gods we have this opportunity to become Kings."

The men each took a drink from Harald's own horn, and Ivar could feel Astrid's eyes following it as it was passed around the table. She was more cunning than he would have ever accredited her to be, which made her a threat to their plans moving forward.

"Tonight you shall sleep in my hall, and tomorrow we can discuss plans for our army."

'Our army'. He certainly wasted no time in claiming their men for his own. Ivar smiled through his irritation. Harald was watching for his reaction. He wasn't so distracted by his new Queen to have lost all sense when it came to a possible enemy.

"We'll take you up on that offer," Hvitserk piped up after the stretch of silence had grown uncomfortable.

"I will have my thralls prepare a room."

Ivar turned to Freydis. "You will assist them."

"Of course, Ivar." She stroked her hand lovingly down his arm.

The sensation shot a shiver down his spine, a reaction he couldn't help. He hated to think he was as weak-willed as his brothers when it came to blonde thralls, but his wavering resolve was laughing at him.

The table began to disband with Harald dragging the unfortunate Astrid back to his room. Ivar and Hvitserk returned outside and began to walk through the streets of Vestfold to return to their men. Hvitserk's mind was buzzing, and Ivar knew his brother had a word or two he wanted to get in.

"We can't go to war against Kattegat with Harald," He started at the moment they were alone. "We'd be betraying our own people, and Ubbe is there with our warriors."

"I know that."

Hvitserk didn't like how short of an answer he gave. "And (Y/N)'s there too. Have you forgotten that?"

"Of course I haven't," Ivar barked back. "But Lagertha is still my enemy, even if you've forgotten that. I can't allow her to live."

"She's my enemy too, brother. I know you loved mother, more than I did. But you also have to know she loved you more than any of us. If you say she didn't then you're either not as smart as I thought, or you're in denial."

Ivar knew it to be true. He knew it all too well when growing up. Ubbe and Hvitserk were closer in age and always together, leaving him alone. All he had to do was let out one small cry and mother would forget about Sigurd, the brother he should have been close to. It was something he exploited at the expense of the relationships with all of his brothers. He had a lot to make up for.

"If we can find a way to unseat Lagertha from the throne, then there would be no cause to go to war."

Hvitserk halted in his tracks as they made it to the docks. The boards were stained red and slick with the blood and oil from whales. Many of Harald's fishermen couldn't be bothered to spare the sons a second glance. They were preoccupied with loading their ships, huffing and puffing through the stink in the air that was not so foul out in the open.

"Please tell me you have a plan to do that," Hvitserk said in a hushed voice that was almost lost to the wind.

Ivar smirked back. "I didn't bring the Bishop along just to annoy you. We just have to get him to Kattegat to kill Lagertha before our army can arrive."

"You're willing to place all our hopes on that Christian?"

"He would do it for his freedom. What's one more dead heathen to him other than another purified soul gone from this earth?" Ivar said confidently. "Yes, brother, I am as certain he will do this as I am that Lagertha is the one to have sent Freydis to me."

Hvitserk was about to comment but was interrupted by an approaching presence that commanded the attention of the crowd. The previously busy workers stopped to part for her, but she was not flattered by the gesture. She marched with purpose, straight towards them, and Ivar gave a half bow in mocking as she arrived.

"Your majesty," He teased. "Not come to plead for mercy on Lagertha's behalf I hope. I have none."

Astrid's look was as dark as her hair, but she set aside her grievances to settle whatever she had come for. "No, Ivar. I have come in the hopes to make a deal with you."

"Really," He said, airing out his skepticism. "What do you want?"

She stepped closer, almost in a threatening display that had Hvitserk reaching for his knife. His concern wasn't unwarranted, as she was a shieldmaiden to Lagertha. Astrid eased her intensity while placing her hands up to signify no harm. "I want you to smuggle me back to Kattegat."

Both Ivar and Hvitserk shared a laugh, but she did not falter. She must be more miserable with Harald than Ivar had gleaned, but that wasn't his concern. "Why would we do that? There's great risk involved for us. Harald is obviously quite taken with you, and we'd be making an enemy of him because you have reservations about sharing his bed."

"I have information for you, regarding that woman by your side, the thrall."

Ivar's back straightened and he looked to Hvitserk with curiosity. This was the answer they had been searching for. "What do you know of Freydis?"

Astrid smirked. "She's a spy, but I'm sure you've already gathered that. I won't say anything more out here. Harald still doesn't trust me enough to not have me followed, and I won't give up what I know without a guarantee that you'll give me what I want."

"When then?" Hvitserk asked and he sounded as impatient as Ivar felt.

"Tonight, after Harald passes out from too much meat and drink. Make sure that thrall of yours is kept occupied as well. I shouldn't have to tell you not to trust a spy, but you're men, and I've seen the way you look at her," Astrid remarked while giving Ivar a pointed look. "Don't let me down sons of Ragnar. Your father lost many things towards his end, but never his integrity. I suspect the gods instilled the same in you."

Astrid departed and a group of guards followed after at a distance. It appeared she was correct about her limited freedom, and after saying much, Ivar wondered what else she was right about. She had given them much to think on at any rate, and he tried not to feel slighted at the comment about his apparent weakness for Freydis' beauty.

"Can we trust her?" Hvitserk asked at his side. They both took a seat on the ledge of the longship that had carried them in earlier that same day.

"She's desperate to return to Lagertha, and she knew Freydis was a spy without us feeding her that information. We'll have to hear her out first, but I suspect she's being honest about this."

"But not about her intentions once she's back in Kattegat," said Hvitserk. "Harald is being played by us and his Queen. Guess he isn't about to be King of all Norway any time soon."

"Thank the gods for that. I want to be in faraway lands when that happens," Ivar said with a smirk as his brother broke into a laugh.

"Then I'm coming with you. You'd be lost without me."

"I would," Ivar admitted, and it had a sobering effect on Hvitserk, who grew quiet beside him.

Truly, he didn't know where his fate would take him, but he knew it would be better if his brother was at his side. And you as well. Ivar closed his eyes and recalled your face, your laugh, and your kiss. You would be a free woman by now, and he hoped you wouldn't be too cross with him about that little stunt next time you met. He wanted to see you this very moment, but the distance made that impossible. For now, he would have to rely on his memories and hope that Niorun would bless him with dreams of you.

ooOOoo

You were alone again. This was nothing new since arriving in Kattegat. You wish you could say you knew more about the city, but all you had seen was the four walls of Audhild's cabin. She had left to take another trip into the market, and you had come close to begging her to take you with her. It seemed she and Ubbe were of the same mindset when it came to keeping you out of trouble, and you had no doubt it was Ivar's doing. Even an ocean away he was still in charge of your life and it was as endearing as it was infuriating.

The first thing Audhild had done for you was provide you with new clothes. The loose-fitted secondhand frocks no longer befitted your station as a free woman. You were given wool leggings and tunics, along with a belt that cinched around your waist. Ladies didn't wear trousers back in England, and it was taking getting used to. You often found yourself tugging and adjusting at the fabric, all while Audhild would shoot you queer looks.

As thanks for her setting you up with new garments, you would cook the meals for you both. It was a favor to both of you really, because, after the first night of eating her dry bread and burnt fish, you didn't think your stomach could handle the pain. You had even managed to learn how to properly butcher a rabbit, something you had never eaten back home.

Ubbe would pop around from time to time to see you, as well as keeping you both informed about the ongoing situation with Lagertha. For now the ruling Queen was content to let Ubbe stay among the people, though according to him she never passed up a chance to bring up questions about Ivar. That let him know her guard was still up, and she did not yet trust the elder son of Ragnar.

While you were glad for the updates, you couldn't shake the wavering disappointment about your newfound freedom. All of your knowledge about the people of Kattegat came from the words of Ubbe or your host, and you hadn't even met Ubbe's wife yet. So far being a free woman didn't feel any different than enslavement, and the growing loneliness was what pressed you to venture out on your own from the cabin.

You waited enough time to be sure Audhild hadn't turned back on her way into town before throwing on a pair of fur-lined boots and overcoat. You had no plan on where you were going, only that you wanted to see something of this new land that wasn't the inside of Audhild's cabin. England was all flat plains and rolling green hills, but Norway was jagged mountains and dark forests with cold rushing rivers. It had never crossed your mind that you would be interested in seeing new lands, probably because as a nun your only travels would have been to other cities and villages across England tending to the sick and spreading the word of God.

You headed out with Ivar's knife tucked into your belt and began to take the path eastward. You knew west would take you the way towards Kattegat, that was where Audhild had gone. As tempted as you were to see the market, you knew it could land you into trouble to meet more of the Northmen while alone for the first time. Your only mission today was to better acquaint yourself with the land.

The breeze felt wonderful on your face, and you had forgotten the taste of breathing fresh air. It was earthy and damp here, not like the iron and smoke of York. The bit of frost that was on the ground crunched beneath your boots. Winter came earlier this far north. You could see it in the grey of the sky that spelled snow. You hoped Ivar and Hvitserk would return before the waters froze over and that they would be bringing peace with them. Absurd! Letting out a breathy laugh, you remembered fondly that Ivar wasn't a peaceful being.

You missed him. At night after Audhild was snoring across the cabin, you would lie awake and stare at the ceiling, thinking of him. You didn’t understand what it meant, but your heart raced and your body grew restless at the mere thought of him. There was so much more that needed to be shared, and you were trying to compile everything in your mind so you would be ready for his return. You wouldn't call it love, not yet, but you knew you held affection for him and that put you at odds with your vows and God. In the eyes of the church, you were still a nun, though you hadn't thought of yourself as such for a while now. You still loved God, but you no longer wanted to be his bride.

"Oh!" You gasped in surprise when you realized you were somewhere new.

Your trekking had broken you out from the forest and out to a bank of the river. You could constantly hear it flowing back from the cabin, and you were excited about finding it. The water was crystal blue, and the surface current was slow and free over the rocks. A small house with a thatched roof sat by the shore, and there was a fire burning low in a pit outside. Someone was still nearby.

You started down the path towards the house while pondering who could want to live this far out from the town. You had thought Audhild was the furthest away. Hermits were common among the Saxons, so it wasn't unreasonable to assume the Northmen had their fair share. Not that you were judging them, in fact, it was for that reason that gave you the confidence to approach.

"Hello?' You called out as you rounded the fire. It was still warm, and you did the stranger a kindness by throwing a nearby log onto the pit. The flames immediately fed on the new fuel, spreading high into the air and sending a warmth through you that was welcome after your walk. You took another look around before kneeling down in the gravel to huddle closer to the fire. It seemed that no one was around for the moment, and that granted you the luxury of peace. Everything was so unfamiliar, every branch and rock different than what you had seen in England. You thought you would have missed home, or at least held a longing for it, but no. You couldn’t even summon a fondness for it now. What you missed wasn’t a place, but a person.

You became lost in the beauty of your surroundings that you didn't notice the stranger appearing from behind the home. He moved with impossibly quiet steps, and you weren't alerted to his presence until he was looming over you, blocking the light of the fire. You let out a yelp as you fell onto your backside in the gravel. The large man narrowed his eyes at you as you scrambled to your feet. If Ivar could see you now. He would be furious you had let your guard down enough to be snuck upon. Stay alive he'd said.

"Who are you?" The man asked, and his voice was softer than you expected.

"I'm Ólaug," You said, fighting the tremble in your voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were here."

His head tilted to the side, watching you with a keen stare that you had only felt from Ivar. "What do you want? Did Lagertha send you?"

"No, I don't know Lagertha."

"You don't know the Queen of Kattegat, shieldmaiden and first wife of Ragnar Lothbrok." You didn't answer and he let out an insouciant giggle. "You're a Christian."

The way he said it made it sound awful, and you hated the way it made you feel. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yes. It's your hair and the way you speak." The stranger started to sit down by the fire, a string of fish hanging over his shoulder. He dropped his catch at his side and pulled a knife from his belt, getting to work on cutting filets. "Sit down, betrothed woman," He pressed while pointing with his blade to the spot across from him.

"Excuse me?"

"What, are you deaf?"

You took a seat once more, but not because he had asked it of you. “Why did you call me that just now? Betrothed woman…”

“Your name, that’s what it means.” He continued to fling fish heads and bones into a pile, never giving you the courtesy of his attention.

Ivar had given you the name, and it suddenly clued in that it was made in jest. Bride of Christ was what he had first called you, and now 'betrothed woman'. You smiled to yourself, not entirely at odds with the moniker.

“How did you come here, Christian? You don’t look like a thrall.”

“I’m not,” You replied quickly, and you found that he had stopped his task of cleaning his fish to observe you. You did the same in return. He was older and battle-worn judging by his stiff movements when he had sat down. His light hair was wispy and tied back in one long braid, and his rangy frame was draped in a brown fur pelt. You thought his eyes were sad. “What’s your name?”

“Floki.”

You were sure Ivar had mentioned him in passing, but you couldn’t recall when. “Alright, Floki. I was a thrall, but I was freed recently. I came from York with Ubbe Ragnarsson.”

"Ubbe has returned? Then he has abandoned Ivar."

You didn't know what Floki's connection was to Lagertha, so you didn't correct him on his assumption about the brothers being apart. "You are close with the sons of Ragnar?"

"Of course. They are the offspring of the greatest man I've ever known and my brother. They are kin," He said and his face was alive with passion. "And you must be connected to them. Was it Ivar who also freed you after giving you that knife?"

You looked down at the weapon on your belt, feeling flustered. "How do you know about the knife?"

"I taught that crippled brat everything he knows. I recognize his skill and craft in that blade," said Floki shaking his head. "That boy, so much like his father."

"Don't call him a cripple."

Floki's eyes shot to you and there was that giggle again. "Oh, and you're defensive of him as well. Are you his betrothed woman?"

The fire you sat beside could never warm you as much of those words just then. You knew you were red up to your ears, but you tried to deny whatever he was implying regardless "I'm not his anything."

"Then why did he set you free?"

You hadn't even admitted to him that Ivar had done so, but he had already decided that was the truth. He was still as a tree, the fish forgotten in the long line of your conversation. You felt unnerved by him as if everything about you was exposed to him like a gaping wound, and you had never been so relieved to be interrupted when a voice called out from above the path.

"Floki!"

It was Ubbe, looking out of breath and panic-stricken as he dashed down towards you. A blonde woman was trailing behind him, appearing displeased to be dragged this far out into the bush. She must be the wife.

You and Floki both stood as Ubbe came to the fire. He turned to you first, and you anticipated a lecture. "Why did you leave Audhild's cabin? I'm supposed to keep you safe. You can't wander off when you don't know the land or its people well enough."

"I would if you let me," You retorted while feeling humiliation for being scolded in front of Floki.

"Don't fret Ólaug," Floki interjected while planting a firm hand on Ubbe's shoulder. "He's only concerned to find you here because he thinks I'll kill you like I did Athelstan."

Ragnar's monk. Your eyes widened with surprise and fear, all while the two men shared a grin and embraced.

"Thought you'd gone on to lands unknown," Ubbe said to Floki as they parted.

"The Gods brought me home. They have something for me to do here yet," He said while looking back at you. "She is Ivar's woman?"

Ubbe turned to you with a grin and you looked down, not liking the attention. "You'll have to ask him. He's in Vestfold with Harald."

"Planning on Lagertha's demise then."

"Is that a problem for you?" Ubbe asked, becoming serious.

"Lagertha has been my friend for a long time, but your mother was also. She had such a connection to the gods." Floki's head pulled up to the sky as if a string was attached tugging forth to some greater presence. "Neither of them should have ever suffered over Ragnar. A great King and a true Viking, but a poor husband. Something I hear Bjorn has inherited."

You noticed Ubbe's face flush, and he brushed his hand down his neck. "Well, I know Ivar is set on revenge, and I don't know if there's anything that can change his mind."

By then Ubbe's wife had caught up to their circle, and you got the impression she wasn't pleased to be left behind. She was dressed in a thick red robe with fur trim, and her long hair was twisted onto her head like a crown. You wondered if all the women of Kattegat were blonde and beautiful, and you ran your fingers through your short hair. Ivar had said it was ugly when you first met. Vanity had suddenly become a trouble for you and you didn't like it.

Ubbe must have noticed you staring at his woman, and he quickly brought an arm around her to introduce her into the group. "Ólaug, this is my wife, Margrethe."

"Hello," You greeted, and as you waited for her reply, she took one long surveying look at you that ended with her nose wrinkled and her mouth puckered.

"Hello," She said shortly.

You wouldn't be making a friend out of her anytime soon, and you weren't bothered by that. She was as unpleasant as she was gorgeous, and Ubbe sent you an apologetic shrug for her frosty demeanor.

"I need to get you back to Audhild's before she wonders where you are," Ubbe explained and you nodded.

You were ready to conclude your first adventure, but you decided that you would want to speak to Floki again. He seemed to know a great deal about the sons of Ragnar and everything else that went on in Kattegat, and you wanted to poke his brain for more information that could help you grow as a free woman. You turned to the older Viking and squared your shoulders.

"Can I come back to see you?"

Floki laughed at a dazed Ubbe. "See, she's curious. I expected that from any woman of Ivar's."

At the mention of him, Margrethe recoiled further into Ubbe's side and sent you a scathing glare. You stared back at her with vacant eyes until she became uncomfortable and craned her neck towards the woods. Her escape.

"Betrothed woman," Floki interrupted, taking your hands in his massive ones. "You are a Christian, and I hold no love for your God or people. I've killed hundreds of your kind, and one who held the love of my King. But you have sailed on our ships and left your lands, and came out free on the other side. Our gods favor you as much as my dear Ivar, and I will speak to you again."

"Thank you," You whispered.

He smiled back for a moment, and you thought the perpetual melancholy that surrounded him had lifted in a brief respite. It returned as he dropped your hands, and he started to flick his wrist back and forth in a waving motion. "Now leave me alone. All of you."

Ubbe tugged on your coat sleeve to get you moving, and when you turned to join him, you spotted Margrethe up ahead.

"Sorry, she's not always like that," He insisted as he noticed your look.

No Ubbe, you thought, she most certainly was always that way, but he was too besotted with her looks to realize. Whatever was going on in his marriage wasn't your business, and you kept quiet by his side as he led you back to Audhild's cabin. You were impressed that you could have remembered the way if Ubbe hadn't been at your side. Something about the nonlinear path had felt familiar, and you were already looking forward to walking it again.

Your last thoughts before you slept were of Ivar, an ocean between you and with so much more to say. You wanted to tell him about Floki and talk with him about his mother. You wanted to be back at his side. He was such a large part of where your life had turned, and now that he had left you alone in this strange place you felt brittle and forgotten.

You refused to be overlooked as another Christian brought into their midst or condemned for being Ivar's woman when you weren't even sure if that was your place. Whatever your feelings for him were, they meant nothing if you couldn't secure your own station among the Northmen. That night you vowed to God, their gods, and yourself that you would become strong of heart and embrace your new life alongside the heathens. All life came with sacrifice and war, and whatever nightmares you would be forced to face, you would conquer them.

Taglist

@pomegranates-and-blood @siren-queen03 @peachyboneless @didiintheblog @soleil-dor @zuxiezendler @pieces-by-me @xbellaxcarolinax @heavenly1927 @everyartistwas-firstanamateur @youbloodymadgenius @xceafh @strangunddurm @shannygoatgruff @1950schick @tgrrose @castielsangelsx @rose1729 @ladynightshade30 @mlchael-guerin @dangerouspsychicgardenflower @ritual-unions-gotme @readsalot73 @lonewolf471 @poisonous00 @alytavzla @snatcherheart

#ivar x reader #ivar x you #ivar the boneless x reader #vikings #history vikings #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #vikings ivar #ivar x y/n #ivar lothbrok

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kaizokuou-ni-naru · 3 years

Text

The Voyage So Far: Dressrosa (Part One)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

fujitora’s introduction is so memorable. we don’t even know he’s an admiral until a little while after this, but the way he’s introduced makes him both immediately intriguing and tentatively likable, and also shows he’s terrifyingly powerful. similar to wano, dressrosa is a very twisty arc with a lot of hidden identities and things and people that are not what they seem, and fujitora’s introduction establishes that right off the bat.

it’s no secret i really like law, and i think his relationships and dynamics with the strawhats are some of the reasons why. it’s very good. the way he usually interacts with them (read: suffering) contrasts against the very real respect and faith he develops for them, and for luffy in particular. he refuses to call luffy his subordinate, here, even though it would be basically a get-out-of-jail free card when it comes to dealing with fujitora, and it comes up again more than once later in this arc too (though never to the strawhats themselves).

genuinely the tournament subplot is one of my favorite parts of this entire arc, especially because it happens while the action in the rest of dressrosa is mostly still setting up. it’s so fun to watch luffy go completely ham with minimal consequences, especially because we know more or less from the beginning that he’s not really likely to face a challenge from anyone here.

it allows the supporting cast to be built out as a pretty entertaining group in their own right, too, especially bartolomeo and cavendish, and sets up most of the future grand fleet without being too obvious about it.

i may as well say now, because i’m sure i’ll be talking about it a lot: kyros is one of my favorite one piece parents, and his and rebecca’s relationship hits me in the fucking chest. i’m consistently upset that they got so much stolen from them, and very very glad that they got the happy ending they dearly deserved.

i really like rebecca. and i like her story, too. i know there are people who want her to be more of a fighter, more violent, but i think that’s missing the point. rebecca is someone who has been victimized and commodified and put on display to die in front of a country that hates her again and again and again, and she still stays gentle and good, and i think that makes her one of the strongest characters in this arc.

obviously in isolation ‘damsel in distress’ is not really a good trope (and i’ve complained about it before with regards to tashigi in punk hazard), but i also don’t think it’s really at play here. rebecca is someone who deserves to finally lay down her sword and rest and be happy and safe, and her father deserves the chance to give her the protection he hasn’t been able to.

i really like when oda does things like this with paneling, i think it’s tremendously cool. there’s some similar examples with law’s powers in this arc and punk hazard as well, and it’s cool as hell every time.

this is one of my favorite panels in all of dressrosa.

kyros has a line a lot later on about ‘restoring the true dressrosa,’ and that’s what this scene makes me think of. this is the true dressrosa- the broken and forgotten and lost, down in the darkness beneath the city. and no matter what he may think of himself, riku is still their king.

this panel also reminds me of the similar scene in udon in wano, where the prisoners kneel before momonosuke. which is, incidentally, another favorite of mine. i really like whenever one piece deals in themes of loyalty, i feel like it always hits very hard.

[spoilers for recent wano chapters]

i think some parts of dressrosa line up very nicely with the recent reveal in wano that law’s new goal is uncovering the mystery of the will of d. it’s something that feels very natural and fitting for him, and i think this is one of the reasons why.

of the Ds we’ve seen, law is the only one who’s been really shown to be actively aware of the name and the weight it holds (and thus, the only one to bother to keep it secret), and he even weaponizes it against doflamingo throughout dressrosa in order to throw him off balance, and succeeds. it feels like a very natural progression from that awareness to trying to understand its mystery, at least to me.

barto is a great character because he’s introduced as being a completely unlikable shithead, and like, that’s not inaccurate, he totally is, but he also somehow winds up being likable anyways. part of that is his idolization of the strawhats (because, let’s be real, all of us can relate), but part of it is also that he’s kind of honorable in his own way, and i think him saving bellamy from dellinger despite having no stake in the situation just because they fought together is probably the best example of that.

i really like how the sabo reveal is handled. all the focus is placed on luffy and his reaction, and then we get our actual introduction to sabo as an adult slowly over the course of the next few chapters in how he acts and interacts with other characters throughout the tournament, culminating in his proper introduction after it’s over.

the actual explanation of what happened to him, how he survived and the entirety of his reunion with luffy is saved for the end of the arc, and i think it’s good that it happens there, in a quiet time after the dust is settled, rather than being smacked in the middle of the rising action.

of all the many many devil fruits that have appeared in one piece, i think sugar’s is the scariest, and also one of the ones i’ve probably thought the most about, if only in terms of its sheer inherent horror. the moment her spell is broken is, in my opinion, one of the most satisfying in the entire story. doflamingo’s hold over the entire country snaps, just like that.

the entire sequence of dressrosa’s great panic is one of my favorites in the whole series. i’m a really big fan of moments where the tides are all at once turned, and this is so very much one of those- sugar is knocked out; all the toys revert to human all at once, including kyros, who promptly decapitates (unfortunately not the real) doflamingo; sabo wins the tournament, eats the mera mera no mi, and obliterates the colosseum; and usopp becomes god.

it’s really really good.

even though this is a fake doflamingo it is very satisfying to see him get wrecked, and even though i love the outcome of the luffy and law versus mingo and trebol fight i do think kyros deserved to decapitate the real thing also.

usopp’s role and development in dressrosa is really great. it’s the most focus he’s gotten since water seven/enies lobby, and it comes at a time right when he’d been in the background for a rather long time. in dressrosa, he gets to be a proper hero- he indisputably saves the entire day not once but twice, and even doflamingo recognizes him as by far the biggest wrench in his plans- and more importantly, he gets to do it for the first time as himself, instead of having to hide behind a mask, as he did at both thriller bark and enies lobby.

the way a lot of the fight panels with doflamingo specifically are drawn is very cool, i think. there’s a real sense of speed and danger to a lot of them, which makes sense, as doflamingo is a very dangerous opponent fully capable of slicing off limbs and heads with ease if his enemies make a wrong move, something both the characters and the audience are fully aware of by this point.

to be continued in the next post with the rest of dressrosa!

#the voyage so far #one piece #opmeta #arc: dressrosa #long post #not japanese

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hermitcraftfun · 3 years

Text

His Son

Disclaimer! This fic is based solely on the characters in the Dream SMP, not on the actors portraying them!

Please tell me of any content warnings I should add! I will add any you ask me to!

Quackity was one of the few people to truly know what happened with Schlatt’s long lost son. Most people assumed that the kid was abandoned or sold for steroids, but the story was truly heartbreaking. It was almost enough to forget Schlatt’s abusive nature. That feeling was forgotten when morning came and he was being degraded once more.

Now, Tubbo stared at the first person he remembered being held by. It used to be a blanket surrounding him but now it was large yellow cinder blocks. Tears poured out of his eyes as he glanced to the Schlatt administration. The horned man, who ordered his execution, drunk off his ass and the vice president. A man who banished his brothers. A quick glance to them was hardly enough to comfort him before loud whistling.

That was all he remembered before waking up and staring at the stone ceilings of Pogtopia. His hearing was returned in time for him to hear his brothers shouting at one another. Tubbo felt like throwing up as he stumbled over and tried to de escalate, an ultimately futile task. His elder brother didn’t help with his taunting. That had to be one of the more painful days of his life.

It had been an incredibly liberating night when they won. The morning felt even better when he stood on the podium trying his best to lead the country he had been given third hand. It was hard not to feel strange. It was hard not to break down as he fought his way through the withers his eldest brother had summoned. It was even harder when he saw two small horns poking out of the top of his head. His ears flickered as he tried to hide the horns under his hair. He didn’t want to be the next Schlatt.

They were getting ready for Schlatt’s funeral gathering his belongings to bury with him. Tommy smiled to himself. He called for his friend. There were so many old things, no one would expect to find this kind of stuff in a senile dictator’s junk.

“Hey! Tubbo! These must be the old pictures from when Schlatt wasn’t so fucking crazy. I think this was his kid that got stolen or something.” Tommy shouted, showing the baby pictures to his brother. It was hard to read Tubbo’s expression as he gently touched one picture of Schlatt holding a little boy. A shockingly familiar little boy. He seemed to lose control of his actions as he began going through the bin.

Tommy hadn’t seen his friend so sad and lost before. It hurt even more watching him grab a dirty bee plush and clutch it to his chest. Tommy slowly walked away and told everyone to give Tubbo time to think. He was in the room for hours and was found clutching an old light blue sweater, his head resting against it as he seemed to have fallen asleep in a pile of Schlatt’s old things.

Theseus wondered if his brother found his father. He never asked though. It felt rude to inquire about such a thing. It was made even harder when he stumbled upon Tubbo screaming and shouting at their ghostly brother for answers he would never get. He almost felt guilty for breaking open a long healed scar such as this one.

When Puffy came though, there was some shred of hope in the young moobloom boy. When she was at the funeral for her brother he was even more excited, his ears flickering and tail swaying as he approached her. They immediately went to Bad in order to get some sort of blood work done. It all made sense. It felt even better when Quackity approached him to explain.

Though it hurt to accept who his father had become it was an incredible feeling to know where he came from. Tubbo knew his biological family. Thinking too much about it made his head hurt but it was nice to look at the pictures of the good time. He wondered if anyone noticed the light blue sweater he wore in his free time.

< @aurieeeeeenyx @masqueradeglitch comment below if you to be added to future taglists!>

#mcytblr #dreamsmp #jschlatt #dreamsmp fanfic #dreamsmp au #tubbo mcyt #tommyinnit and tubbo #quackity #big q #captain puffy #dadschlatt

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lisinfleur · 3 years

Text

In your arms

The request:

Author’s Notes | Fuck the whole universe. I can't see that shitty ending for our pup and not doing anything about this. So, here is the first of the many things I'll write to correct what made us bleed in this last season of our beloved show! Hope you guys like it! Universe | Vikings Pairing | Hvitserk x Reader Info | Viking age AU, fixing plot AU, requested by anon. Words | 2941 ⁑ Warnings: Spoilers ahead. Mention to major character’s death, some angst.

"No brother! You've done your work! Do not interfere anymore. All my life has been a preparation for this moment. Stay back."

The sound of Ivar's voice and their last conversation for a long time populated his mind.

The many times they'd tried to reach for each other's ends and failed miserably made sense all at once in a single sentence.

"I could never kill you..."

What was left untold for their whole life, finally spoken.

"I love you. Now go. Go!"

Screams of strength and bravery overcame Ivar's final words of fear in Hvitserk's mind.

"Are we afraid of the death? No!"

For days he laid among the Christians after burying his brother like a true Viking lord, ensuring whoever was to find his grave would know what his brother wanted...

"Here is the grave of the most famous Viking that ever lived!"

The last promise he made before his little brother's eyes were lost from his to go into the golden doors he wasn't able to see, but was sure were open for Ivar to enter, engraved in his mind as if they were marked by fire.

"No one will ever forget Ivar, the Boneless."

He had to do it. He had to push forward his brother's legacy and what better way than doing what Ivar intended when they came back to stand on those cursed lands once again? Those poisonous lands that took his father, two of his little brothers, and the memory of the older one from who he separated in that place. That terrible place.

He would burn that place to ashes! And then he would spread those ashes over Ivar's grave like a gift to his brother's memory.

And so... He would come home. To fulfill one last promise also marked on fire in his mind and his heart.

"I'll come back, Y/N. I'll come back to you."

He had just found you after the many years of tragedy in his life. So, you became his secret in Kattegat. A secret he didn't tell not even to his beloved little brother, afraid somehow Ivar's hands could reach and rip his heart from his chest one more time.

You served his tables when he was younger and became a free woman since no one was caring about the fleeing slaves in the middle of that whole war he and his brothers fought with each other. But you'd never forgotten him and when he came back with his brother under the angry words of the town, you came after him, spoke of long-gone times and memories. And you offered your services for him who was once a good master in exchange for his mercy since now you were lost and helpless in the middle of the confusion Kattegat had become with so many rulers in so little time.

It didn't take too long for him to see you were a gift the gods had blessed him with. In a matter of days, his heart was bent.

To fall in love with you was easy. To leave you at the cabin when the time to leave had come was the hardest thing he'd ever done.

You cried in his chest and he could still remember how hard it was to hold your tears. He knew it could be his last battle... You knew he could never come back from that trip. But they had to do it.

You couldn't argue with his fate.

You couldn't beg him to stay.

So, you made him promise he would come back to you and swore you would wait for him. To warrant his promise was real, he left his recently recovered arm ring in your hands.

His fingers touched the pendant on his chest. Another hacksilver, placed alongside the one he had earned from his father on his necklace. You had given that pendant to him saying you wanted it back and so, he would have to come back to give it back to you.

Sometimes Hvitserk would wonder what was in your mind now. He knew the news of Ivar's defeat and Harald's death had reached Kattegat at that point. Would they say he was dead as well? Did they know he was a prisoner for so long?

Would you be there, waiting for him yet?

Promises were promises. Things were close to an end.

Hvitserk stopped a moment to admire his little brother's mind and toughness once again: it was hard as fuck to play games with the Christians and mislead them was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. Hvitserk was a berserker. The mindless battle was his favorite game and those mental games were Ivar's specialty.

Maybe it was why he decided to do it that way.

Ivar's way.

It was his brother's legacy after all.

For months he had played the Christian. He accepted that stupid baptism and walked with a cross around his neck. He spoke meekly and accepted that stupid name they gave him as if it could erase everything he was and would ever be.

From behind, his crows were cawing at the Dane kings' ears at the settlement beside Wessex, remembering them he himself was also a son of Ragnar, fated to Valhalla, who, unlike Ubbe, wanted those lands entirely to their people as a fair payment for the lives those Christians had stolen from them.

Ragnar Loðbrók.

Harald Finehair.

Ivar, the Boneless.

The whole unavenged settlement prince Aethelwulf had destroyed years ago in time...

Their blood was considered a fair price for his people to rise. The position of third Dane king, abandoned by his older brother, was a vacancy Hvitserk was considered fitting to occupy.

Under the mantle of lies and with the night by his side, Hvitserk dressed his armor once again and headed up to the doors of the Royal Villa to open them to his people like once his brother Ubbe had opened the gates of York for them to enter.

Standing in the middle of the gates as the army of Vikings invaded the town, Hvitserk could almost hear his brother's voice screaming and the sound of that unmistakable chariot filling the air as if Ivar was riding with them into the Royal Villa, conquering what he wasn't able to see falling in front of his eyes.

Alfred fled with Elsewith and their child. Hvitserk spared their lives as they had spared his own. What's fair is fair and Ivar would forgive him for denying the royal blood to his vengeance, but Alfred had respected his brother's death, his grave wasn't touched and his life was preserved.

But the town was on fire, invaded and taken as Ivar once planned.

With the dawn, Hvitserk received a mark on his face to resemble his crown as the third Dane King his brother didn't want to be. But he knew he wouldn't stay as much as Ubbe didn't stay.

He was wounded and tired, but Ivar was avenged and it was time to fulfill his next promise.

"I ordered them to build a shrine for you, brother. They must start soon and the Danes ensured me they'll use the stones from the royal castle to build it around your grave," Hvitserk said, touching the stones of the simple tomb he had rose with his own hands. "They'll paint runes and make sacrifices. And this place shall be marked with your story, my brother. No one will ever forget who you were and, in the future, when they find this place, everyone will know here is the grave of the great Ivar, the Boneless, son of Ragnar Loðbrók, feared by many around the world and for whom this land fell into our hands."

His fingers caressed the stone as if he could touch Ivar's face once again.

"But now I think you know I have to go... And leave you behind, brother. For you'll be always alive in my heart, but she's waiting for me. I know I never told you anything about her... I had my reasons, you know them very well," he sighed. "I did it all for you, Ivar. And if she ever gives me a son, I'll name him after you, so he can keep telling your story throughout the years. I'll never forget you, brother. Hail and farewell, Ivar. We'll see each other again when the time comes..."

Leaving behind the first hacksilver of his necklace as a gift to his brother, Hvitserk left, mounting his horse and riding towards the docks where a Dane boat was already waiting for him, ready to take him home.

For a moment, Hvitserk placed his eyes on that land once again. Maybe it was the last time he would ever see that cursed place. Maybe one day he would come back to see Sigurd and Ivar and his father as well. Or maybe, like Ivar, he would come and die there alongside the ones he loved. The time would say. Fate would say.

He was finally coming home.

The boat took ages to make a trip he didn't remember was that long. Ingrid was the new queen and he could see the awe in her eyes when he jumped out of that boat, holding himself whole in spite of his tiredness.

"We thought you were..."

"Dead, like my brother. And your husband, I suppose," Hvitserk didn't care about cutting the queen's sentence. "Release your breath, woman. I have my own crown and have no interest in the one on your head. You're Harald's wife and he was Norway's king. This is now your problem, but still, my homelands so get used to having me walking around from time to time," he said, carelessly pointing down to the ground. "Now you excuse me, your highness... I have more important matters to treat. Spare me from feasts in your hall: The son of Ragnar may be back home, but I'm tired, exhausted... All I want is to find my woman and rest in her arms."

"Your what?"

But he left Ingrid and her whole surprise behind, walking away from the boat as the Danes were preparing to move with their trip. They wouldn't stay. He wouldn't come back, at least, for now.

If he ever had to die in those cursed lands, he would do it like his father: before growing too old.

After living his whole life.

His steps were still limping and for a moment, he giggled, remembering how Ivar had limped that whole pier under horrible words where now there were smiles and grateful faces blessing his return. Would they bless if Ivar was back as well?

Oh, they would. But his brother wanted more than just their blessings.

And he wanted more than just their words.

Hvitserk straightened his cloak. His limping steps walking through the streets with many memories, sometimes sad memories, sometimes sweet ones. And as his steps shortened the distance towards his cabin, the sweetest memories came, remembering him of his sneaky movements through those streets to find you without his little brother's eyes over him. The kisses you'd exchanged. Your hands against his skin.

His heart pounded when his eyes finally reached that door. It was still the same... The cabin was still exactly as his memories could build it in his mind. But it was silent and it, for a moment, stopped everything into Hvitserk's heart.

Could it be that the news of his death had sent you away for good?

Did he take too long to come back? Did someone tell you he was turned into a Christian and you believed it was for real?

His fingers touched the door and he hesitated before knocking on it.

What if you weren't there to answer?

What if there was another with you in his place now?

It was easier to burn down the Christians' village than it was to knock on his own house's door, but the sound of footsteps inside approaching the door turned Hvitserk's mind completely blank for a second.

The lock was opened and his eyes watched as the light from outside invaded the darkened cabin, covering your figure and showing the pale tones of your apron dress.

"Now it's not a good time, I'm..."

Your voice died into your throat. And your eyes met his in a long moment of silence where the whole world seemed to be stopped along with time itself.

Hvitserk could watch as the line of your eyes filled slowly with tears. He observed as the tears became thicker and broke the line, rolling down your face. Your beautiful face... He thought so many times he would never see you again.

You sobbed, losing the strength of your legs. And Hvitserk held you in his arms, feeling the warmth of your body against his chest once again.

It wasn't one more of his dreams. You were there.

He was home.

His scent invaded your nose and your sobs engulfed you whole as you nestled into his arms, holding him so tight that your knuckles became white against his clothes.

"Shh... Hush, my sweet love. I'm here now. I'm here with you," he mumbled as your sobs became louder.

You thought he was dead.

They told you he was dead.

You cried your soul out on that pier, begging the gods to drag your body into the waters and allow you to swim towards him into Valhalla as queen Gunnhild had done after her beloved Björn.

But instead, they held you back.

And as Hvitserk's hands cupped your face before he could seal his lips against yours, tasting your flavors he missed so bad once again, you understood why the gods had given you a reason to keep yourself alive.

It was for him. You were his gift.

And the gods had decided to bless him once more.

"I brought it back to you, my love," he said, giving your pendant back with his necklace. "The other... I left with him," he mumbled.

Eyes full of sadness for his brother you knew wouldn't come back with him.

You gave back his arm ring, caressing his hand as he smiled.

"I thought I would never see you again," he mumbled.

His warm and big hand caressing your face, drying the tears from it before you could finally speak between the sobs.

"They told us you were dead, my sweet prince. I mourned alone and wanted to follow you into Valhalla to serve your feast. But the gods forbade me. They took my freedom for it wasn't my choice anymore."

Hvitserk looked at you curious, not understanding your words until you brought him into the cabin enough for his eyes to land on the basket over his bed.

"They filled me with life and entrusted me with your legacy. I couldn't go. They made me stay. And now I understand that's because you're here, my love. You're back to me."

There weren't words in his mouth anymore.

Hvitserk's steps limped towards the bed and he sat, looking at that basket with surprise and admiration. Inside, a pair of icy blues was facing him, remembering him of so much in his life inside those little eyes.

Ragnar's eyes.

Ubbe's eyes.

Ivar's eyes...

All looking at him into the little one's orbs as his son was trying to eat his own hand, hungry like himself.

"His name is Herleifr, son of Hvitserk. For he's indeed the son of a warrior and I wanted him to know where he came from..." you mumbled as Hvitserk gently lifted the little one from the basket, holding the baby against his chest.

This time it was his eye line unable to hold back his tears as his fingers gently touched the little one's hands and face.

He had seen so much death...

He had lost so much on that trip...

His hands had buried his own little brother and burned that town to the ground, but now, they were holding his future.

Hvitserk giggled.

"Herleifr... My brother shall forgive me once again. I must have to produce another so I can name it after him as I promised," he said, making you smile at his teary face.

You came closer, caressing his cheeks, drying his tears.

"We shall take care of you, my precious prince. And so, when you're healed, we shall produce as many heirs you think you want to honor all the ones you lost and more," you smiled, feeling his hand touching your face, pulling you closer so he could kiss you that way you loved so bad.

The baby cooed in his hand when your lips separated from each other and Hvitserk smiled.

"Now I'm home... Now... I'm back where I belong," he said, touching his forehead to yours, caressing your face with his thumb. "In your arms, my love. I belong in your arms and this is my place in this world."

For a second, Hvitserk could feel Ivar's eyes over him. And he smiled remembering he could be there to watch for him.

"Valhalla will wait," he said, almost being able to hear his little brother's giggle as he caressed your face, smiling at you. "I have a whole dynasty to produce with you first."

His time to find his beloved ones at Valhalla would come, he knew that. But until there, he would enjoy his place in Miðgarð and produce as many heirs as you were up to bear for him.

His time to fight was over for now and now it was time for him to be happy. And he would, by your side.

By your side, he would.

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desi-lgbt-fest · 3 years

Text

Day 5: Platonic

A story I wrote for today's prompt. It's a story about two middle aged men realising the happiness they want can come in many different forms.

1. 8 k words.

Cw: Mild homophobia. Incorrect language. It's indicative of character's understanding, not mine.

...

When Vikram Kumar first transferred to their branch, Nath wasn't impressed. Theirs was a small transport company, still somehow holding on against the giants of the industry. They were doing well for themselves; they had branches in few neighbouring states where the business was concentrated. And yeah, the company policy does state that employees should get transferred around every 4 years or so. But that never really happened. Nath had been working at Gada transport ltd for more than 25 years now and the only way anybody new ever came in the office was if someone died or retired.

That was what had happened. Another clerk, Nisha Bhagwan, had a heart attack at the computer and in came Vikram Kumar, a transfer from Nagpur. The office people took to him like animals take to the new clown at the circus. Nobody was really sad about Mrs Bhagwan's passing. She was old and in an office full of other old people, they were just waiting for the hat to drop on someone. Better Mrs Bhagwan than us.

They inquired after him, after his family, his mother's family, his neighbour's family, his neighbour's dog's family. When they found out that he was divorced and currently living in a sketchy hotel, they immediately turned to Nath.

Nath, or Adinath, as his name was, owned two flats in his society. Two flats side by side, one in which he lived. He very famously refused to rent it out to families or students or single women. Which meant, he never really rented it out. It actually quite suited to his own solitary silent life. But he regretted boasting about it in the office because here came his perfect rent.

"I- uh. The apartment is very dirty and I'd have to clean it," he started making excuses.

Vikram Kumar shrugged. "I don't mind. Better than listening to the sex noises coming from the side wall." Raucous laughter emerged, unhampered by the fact that their only woman employee wasn't there anymore.

Nath couldn't say no.

Vikram Kumar did turn out to be an ideal renter. He was silent. No guests. Rent, which Nath had kept a little high to dissuade, always on time. Sometimes old hindi songs drifted from his flat but Nath didn't mind. As his novelty wore off and office people stopped fawning over him, Nath did find himself to be quite okay with Vikram Kumar's existence.

A distinct mark in his favour was that he didn't laugh when at their regular chai break (5 minute break that always turned into a 45 minute one) the others made him familiar with Nath's title as the resident Bramhachari.

"Never married, never looks at a woman," Bhosle, their manager remarked.

"Hey you remember that time when that bombshell came in complaining about some lost package? Nath did not even look away from her face."

"Pakka gentleman, I tell you. He's not the customer complaint manager for nothing."

Everybody guffawed. Nath gave his regular pained smile. Vikram Kumar smiled back. For a moment, Nath thought it was a smile of understanding.

Eventually, Nath started offering Vikram Kumar a ride home on his ancient scooter. He obliged. When the ride turned regular, Vikram Kumar started contributing for petrol. Another mark in his favour.

13 months later, Vivek Chand, accountant, retired. In came a new hire, Ashalata Waad.

Suddenly many colleagues started turning up in pressed shirts and oiled hair. Nath merely shook his head and laughed at their preening. It was their colleagues' turn to laugh when Ms. Ashalata, recently widowed, took to Nath. Furtive smiles. Sympathy over dealing with difficult clients. Nath of course did not notice. But the other colleagues did. And out of sympathy for Ms Ashalata's feelings, they gently took her to a side after a week or so and directed her towards someone more likely to respond; the new divorcee, Vikram Kumar.

That, Nath certainly noticed.

That evening, Nath left without offering a ride to him.

Next morning, everyone noticed the distinct coldness between Ms Ashalata and Vikram Kumar. It was a long day too. Some trouble with licensing of a large shipment, everybody had to stay behind. It was well over 8 when people started leaving. Vikram came over to Nath's desk and tapped on it.

"I don't think this late I will find a riksha like yesterday. Will you please give a ride home?"

Nath sighed. He wasn't petty after all. Well, not much.

The streets were near empty. Theirs was a small town. One that eats at 8 and sleeps at 10. Nath's scooter cut through the silence and the sickly orange lights of the streetlamps like an interloper. They were crossing the Hutatma Chauk when Vikram asked him to stop.

"What for?"

"It was a long and stressful day. I wanted us a relax a bit at the park bench before we go home."

"I'm not going-"

"Please yaar."

Nath sighed.

Stopping the scooter at side, they both walked to the circle where statue of some forgotten freedom fighter stood, benches around it. Surprisingly, there were some people ambling around. Old couples taking a rest from nightly walk. A group of youngsters.

After having the sound of scooter in the ears for past five minutes, the sudden silence was deafening.

"I don't think Ms Waad would be talking to me again," Vikram Kumar started without preamble, a laughter in his voice.

Nath sighed and ran a hand through in thin hair. "You didn't do any-"

"No no, oh god no! I just said I'm not interested. I think that was enough for her to be offended."

"She's not your type?" he probed gently, curious.

Vikram was silent for a moment and then burst out with sudden emotion, "Why does it matter? Why one single woman and one single man can not stay without having an affair? Ye saala bollywood-" Nath hushed him, noticing the people around.

"Sorry." Vikram said, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

"I get it. Years ago, when I told my father I was gay-"

"You're what??"

Nath felt like he made a tremendous mistake in judgement. But he was a grown man dammit, he will hold his ground!

"I said I am gay." Nath held his gaze. Vikram Kumar stared back, unknown range of emotions passing. Eventually he broke the gaze, ran a hand through his own balding hair and sat back.

He shook his head. "I am not gay, if that's why you-"

"That wasn't-"

"I'm NOT. I like women. I- I mean men are good too. I. I don't-"

Nath couldn't help it. He broke into a loud laugh. Like Vikram had performed some excellent comedy sketch.

Vikram punched him lightly on his shoulder, a smile evident on his face.

"I just meant, men, women. All are same to me. Honestly, I didn't mind being married to Sheela. I provided for her, I cared for her wellbeing. Our.. bedroom relations were less ideal but I didn't shut her out. I did my duty."

"I'm guessing she wanted someone who didn't see her as a duty?"

Vikram shrugged. "She was nice about it. Told me plain and simple she found someone else. We didn't have kids. It was easy. Well. As easy as it could be. She told the court I was impotent for swift divorce. I agreed. It caused drama in families though, which is why I asked for a transfer."

"Mrs Bhagwan died at a really opportune moment then."

They both shared a laugh and things fell silent once again.

"So you are... one of those," Vikram tried to say casually.

The elderly couple had left. A newly wed looking one took their place. Nath suddenly felt he was thrown back in time.

"I don't have much family," he started. "Mother died when I was young. Theirs was a love marriage, quite unusual for the times. They had run away and so had lost their families. My father raised me well enough; started pestering me for marriage when I got the job at 22. I kept avoiding for few years. But eventually I had to tell him. I wasn't going to ruin some poor woman's life." Nath looked pointedly at Vikram. Vikram didn't take offence. Just laughed self-consciously. Mark in his favour etc etc.

"Father raged for days. Didn't raise his hand on me, didn't tell anyone else but we fought a lot. It wasn't that he denied my condition. He just wanted a family. On some level we understood each other. I realise it now. I knew he wanted me to marry because he didn't want his hard fought family to die with me. And I guess, he probably knew what it meant to love someone you weren't supposed to.

He died soon after."

"When you were thirty, I remember you telling me."

Nath nodded. "I was free. I had a place of my own. A job. No family to hide myself from. I felt guilty over feeling relieved. I felt angry at being guilty. Then came sadness over being angry. That sadness stayed for a decade."

Vikram asked, "So you never...?

Nath shook out of his trip to memory lane. "Hm?"

"Are you? A bramhachari? Did you ever find-"

"There were some men here and there. Obviously there wasn't going to be a relationship," Nath scoffed. "If you know where to look, you can find release. But after Father died, I don't know, I rarely ever went looking for anybody. I didn't have it in me."

Vikram laughed. "Look at us. Two old men, all on their own, no happy family for us."

"Speak for yourself, I'm barely a day over 40," said the man, almost 50.

Vikram laughed again, looking at him with such fondness in his eyes. Nath felt sharp fear for a moment. Then he decided to be an adult again.

"You look well for your age too."

"Nath..."

Nath shivered at hearing his name. It was an intimate name. People didn't say it much. But it fit in Vikram's mouth.

"I don't want to change anything," Vikram said. "I'm happy as things are. It's ideal. I can't offer anything more."

Nath got up, brushing dust from his pants. It had gotten late. They were alone at the circle. A vehicle passing by to remind them of the world that exists.

"I'll take whatever you can offer," he said, looking away from him.

"Friendship? For as long as I live?" Vikram held out his hand.

Nath looked at it. Big, warm. Hairy. Pale skin where the wedding ring used to sit. He extended his own and took it.

"As long as I live."

... Let me know if you like it enough to see some other prompts involving them... I have so many headcanons for them.

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cherrysweather · 3 years

Text

Feather Necklace

Simon Blackquill x F!Reader TW: Character death, sad & angry Simon, sad Taka, bad writing 10.825 words total (Of pure trash) ^-- (I think)

It should be sad, but it really isn't; I'm sorry :( (This is the "remake" of my first work "As long as I live")

(I won't link it because it deserves to be forgotten completely)

Enjoy some Blackquill content people <3

“Ok so, are we ready for this?”

“As much as I want to say that I’m ready, I’m not” the woman laughed softly, approaching her friend that was screwing around with the controls of the program

“Weren’t you the one that was waiting for this experiment most?”

“Indeed, but if you’re the one who’s guiding it, I’m afraid that the chances of exploding with the whole laboratory are slightly increased, Aura”

“EXCUSE ME. You’re rude, don’t start behaving like that weeb of your husband” she huffed and almost threw something at her friend

“Remember that he’s also your brother” she laughed and approached the eldest of the two Blackquill siblings with her chair

“Of course, BUT, unlike you, I didn’t choose to spend all my life with him, so you’re the one who got yourself into that mess of a person” she tried to sound as cold as possible, as if to scold her

“Stop it, I’ll get cavities from all this love” she huffed, smiling to herself and looking at Aura from the corner of her eyes not to miss her reaction

“Can you- shut up and think about the experiment!” Aura hit her on the arm as strongly as she could to make her turn and hide the blush that was building on her cheeks “You should be the one guiding it! I don’t even work here anymore!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him” she laughed, trying to stop Aura’s hand from hitting her, adjusting herself on the chair “Now come on, or that directo on two wheels will come to be a pain in the ass”

“You’ll think about him, it’s just your director now” Aura sighed before turning back to the screen and controls before her. She checked everything one last time before giving the ok and starting the engines of a prototype rocket, the same that was in the actual rocket that the center will send to the moon next.

“It seems that nothing has exploded”

“Yet” Aura finished her friend’s phrase, both writing what it seemed and not seemed weird, out of place or completely wrong “If it doesn’t explode by itself I’ll set it on fire” she laughed, throwing herself back against the chair, crossing her hands behind her head and enjoying the show.

“Maybe it is better that you don’t work here anymore, arsonist”

“Hey! Since I came here for the first time I always wanted to set something important on fire” she argued way too seriously

“If you want to do that... I’ll watch from the outside” the other woman gradually lowered her voice to avoid inciting her friend

“So you want to see it too!” she started laughing like a proud child, proud of the trouble she had just caused. Their arguing was interrupted by a sudden roaring sound followed by a slight tremor of the ground

“... I think the engines committed suicide on their own” the not arsonist of the two tried to remain serious, but seeing the look on Aura’s face, cheeks full of air to hold back the laughter, she too burst out laughing, dragging Aura with her. “We should warn the other downstairs, maybe something saved itself?” she slowly got up the chair, stapling the paper where she wrote what went wrong

“Actually, Ms. Blackquill junior, you should warn who has to tidy up everything but” she stopped to point at the clock behind her “You also need to go home; the center will close in two hours but your shift is already over. You should stop working this much, at least these last months before that screaming being is born" she sighed, pointing her friend's belly

“I’m fine this way, if I work until late then I come home destroyed and Simon won’t have to listen to me so much before I collapse” she smiled at her, walking out of the laboratory to find who was watching downstairs and hand them the documents that she and Aura had compiled. Outside, the sun was setting and the woods around the building were starting to look quieter like every day around this moment of the day.

“I think he’s waiting somewhere” Aura pointed outside the window the sky and only after some seconds she understood, seeing the large wings and the tiny bandana around Taka’s neck

“Probably he finished work early”

“Unlike SOMEONE” Aura threw her elbow at her friend’s arm

“He's probably preparing to lecture me about my working hours too, you don't need to put yourself in the middle of it too” she slapped Aura’s arm, looking her badly before breaking in a small smile, not being able to get mad at her. That small smile remained on her face as she followed the raptor around the sky with her eyes, almost slipping down the stairs that, to look at the hawk, she had not noticed.

“I see an idiot at 12 o'clock” Aura raised both her voice and arm when she recognized that bichrome pillar that was his brother "Want me to give those documents? He seems already pissed and I don't want to talk to him in that state" Aura whispered to her friend's ear, trying not to laugh right against it

"If you want to give them in my place, I need to sign them" she hit Aura's forehead with hers, taking a pen from a desk after raising her hand to greet Simon too, smiling at him

"Come on then, sign them" Aura clapped her hands lightly to spur her friend to hurry up

"Turn around" she waited for Aura to turn on her own, having to turn her around on her own, since she remained frozen with a confused look on the face. She used Aura's back as a surface to sign the papers, trying not to push her "Here, you can deliver the documents now" she waiter for Aura to take the documents from her hand with that smile she knew pissed her off from how innocent it looked

"I felt like an object. For the first time in my entire life" she took the documents and didn't even give a second goodbye to her friend before leaving, passing near her brother to hit him, for fun, as a greeting.

Following shortly after, the newest member of their family approached Simon, making space in his folded arm to rest her head on his chest, hugging him. "Good evening handsome, bad day at work?" she looked up at him, her chin pressed against his chest and her fingers playing with the tips of his hair falling off his shoulders He hinted a smile, looking down at her too

"Right now I'm feeling a bit better" he passed a hand over her hair before stopping it and placing his wide palm against her cheek, slowly moving his thumb against it

She closed her eyes in those brief moment in which he moved his thumb on her face "I saw Taka flying around in the woods, since when you leave him so free?"

"If it's around here, I feel enough confident to leave him free" he felt something pinch his chest when he looked at her relaxed face, but before she could question his presumably dark expression, he was already dragging her out the center, holding one of her hands in a grip you could call deadly, but it was kind enough not to hurt her, as if she was about to disappear right in front of his eyes.

"Taka bit me again, he really doesn't like me" the girl giggled softly, passing a hand where the hawk bit her, noticing the red skin

"He just needs time to adjust to your presence, hawks work this way" Simon looked up from the documents he was working on, approaching her "Don't worry, he'll understand too how gentle and caring you are" he moved a lock of her hair behind her ear before gently looking where his pet bit her

"Not that he has to, I understand that you two have been together for years and now there's an intruder in your territory" she tried to hide the demonstration of the warmth she felt on her cheeks by moving her head a lot while talking, making Simon smile

"Come with me, some cold water and a skin cream should prevent a scar or a blood crust" he took her hand in his, bringing her to the bathroom nearby "And don't worry, he will hear me"

Luckily it all changed; the bird that before liked to bit her, was now the one that always found a cozy nest on her lap and allowed her to play with his feathers. One thing she always brings with her is, actually, a necklace that Simon gifted her years ago, of which the pendant is made of some feathers that Taka had lost; the small size and the ruined look, as much as she has always looked after them, marked the age of that object that Simon, for some years now, kept asking her to eliminate, embarrassed by his past gesture but also because he wanted to see a new one around her neck.

"You worked until now, would you be interested in a break? With me?" as soon as Simon tried to sit and finish reviewing some documents, she was already there, trying to stop him from exhausting himself like every other day "With some food? I've also bought a bottle of sake last ti-"

"You can't drink alcohol" he cut her off abruptly, looking towards where she was leaning against the door of his studio

"In fact, I bought it for you" she huffed, and looked at him back, starting a staring contest "Don't make me do it the hard way" she kept looking his eyes, completely entering the studio

"Hard way? You? And what would you do exactly?" he smirked and slowly lowered his head, looking back at his documents.

She waited some seconds before shaking her head and approach him "You wanted it" she pushed his chair away from the desk, moving him slowly because of her low strength compared to his weight; she tried to open his arms but he fought back, doing his best to keep them closed before giving up to please her, watching what she had in mind. She looked at him, searching for a comfortable position and how to achieve it, standing beside his legs before sitting on his lap; sitting in a really gentle way.

"Oh- Oh heck. You're not so light anymore you know" he caught his breath again before hugging her waist with both his arms, softly smiling at her and using her shoulder as a support for his chin

"E-EXCUSE YOU" she hit him in the hardest way she could on his arm "You're telling me I'm fat?! You-"

"Can I- Can I talk?!" he laughed, taking her hands in his to stop her hits "You're the same, it's this, thing, that gives you more weight" he pointed her belly

"Oh right, that thing that appears to be your daughter" she looked at her with an offended look, following his hand with the eyes as it moved

"Our, you're the one who's baking her" he slowly passed his hand on her abdomen, searching for some movement before being surprised by her laughs

"I'm baking her? I like it!" she gently hit his jaw with her shoulder "She's a little bread loaf" she poked Simon's hand that was on her stomach before trying to cover it with her own

"An unusually calm bread loaf" he laid his head on her chest, moving his hand in small moves to better feel the almost unnoticeable pushes the tiny being inside her was giving to the belly

"Yeah, she's pretty calm these days" a chuckle escaped her lips

"Certainly not like her mother" he dodged the hit she intended for his head, resting his back flat against his chair to create stillness before breaking it, taking her in his arms and going to the living room, placing her gently on the couch, not without her complaints "You wanted a break? I hope you're happy now" he took off his coat and jacket, checking the food for Taka and placing it near his branch to allow him to eat

"I'll be happy when you eat something, as if I don't know you enough to know that you don't even watch food since this morning" she slowly got up from the couch again, heading to the kitchen "So, my dear, we have: some cooked white rice, fruit, lots of fruit, there are also some leftovers of Athena's biscuits. What do you want?" she set the table with a bit of everything, taking also the sake she promised him

"You should also eat more and stop thinking only about me when you hav-"

"Oh myy, stop lecturing me" she cut him off, stopping in time his lecture at birth "I just try to compensate for your bad habits" she handed him some rice when he sat down, smiling at him to diffuse the tension between them

"... You should learn to take care of yourself first, before thinking about other people" he ate something to keep his calm before looking up again, slowly breathing and placing down his plate

"Listen, you have been insisting on this thing for days now; care to explain what do you want to say? It's bad that I care for your health knowing that it wasn't your priority for seven years?"

"It's also been four years now since I came back or am I wrong? This care of yours for others becomes bad when you prefer to ignore your health, hoping that somehow your body will heal by itself"

"What are y-"

"And don't start treating me like an idiot, I saw the medical reports you kept preciously hidden; hidden to whom you promised to say everything long ago, I don't know if you even remember" his look on her was reproachful but he didn't have the courage, the mental strength to inflict on her the frustration that had accumulated in him in those days, the fear, the pain, the sadness he refused to show "When were you going to tell me? A stone’s throw from the grave? When you’d collapse to death and I’d have to drag you to the hospital without having any idea what was going on with you?"

She fell into total silence, her eyes refused to look anywhere but the floor, her brain was processing everything that was going on and searched for words that weren't "Sorry" "Simon, please listen" she fell silent, expecting to be interrupted by Simon, but he remained silent, watching her and waiting for her to find the right words to express herself.

That. That look of horror in Simon's eyes was what punched her right in the chest, forcing her to rest her back against the chair for some seconds to feel something supporting her to not panic completely "I- I don't know why I didn't tell you, I didn't want to bother you to-" she fought to keep inside the sobs that cut her words. She got up, searching some water to regain her composure before her chest was pressed against Simon's, her arm held by the grip of one of his hand, took right before she could go and greet the floor

"Stay still, you're trembling" he kept her near his chest, feeling her breath heave more and more every second

"I was scared..."

Without looking at her, he gently pushed her until her back rested against the wall, his arm hugged her body, his hand kept her head against his chest, his face hidden in her hair.

She placed her hands on his chest, placing her ear where his heart was, finding comfort in his heartbeat "S-Simon, I'm sorry" she kept trembling, and slowly a pool of tears collected on his shirt

"Calm down, remain there, it's warm" he could feel it too, her tears warmed her face, his chest, her fingers, her hair, but inside they were both freezing, a deathly cold that easily annihilated each word they were trying to speak.

She searched protection in his neck, breathing his scent and trying to calm down, murmuring sorry after sorry, feeling the guilt hit her head.

From how hard he clenched his fists, his nails almost seemed to pierce the skin of his palm, his knuckles bone-white from how much he was keeping inside everything to be her rock and shelter in that crucial moment. He then slowly moved his hand, hiding more his face in her hair when again, his skin felt the warmth of her belly; she ended up crying even more, moving her hands on his back to have a better grip on him and not allowing him to disappear

"Simon.." she fearfully looked up at him, but his face was well hidden between her long locks of hair, as he permitted himself to shed one single tear

"I'm here, you're not alone in this" he talked just above her ear to make sure she was the only one hearing

The hold they had on each other recounted many stories, all the stories that in seven years they could not tell each other.

The thin then thick layer of sweat that covered both their bodies, their heavy breaths, the burning yet pleasant feeling on his back, the ache in her wrists that made her feel at home, protected, with him at her side.

"You're not going anywhere anymore, for a looong time" she slowed said, quietly chuckling and caressing Simon's nape with her fingers, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes, enjoying every single movement of Simon's hands on her body.

He hid his nose in the crook of her neck, bathing his senses in the perfume he missed so much but was too reluctant to admit, too caught up with that feeling -too nostalgic for him- of her fingers slowly untangling the knots in his hair, now much longer than she remembers it. "I'm not going anywhere, and neither will you" he surrounded her waist with his arm, improvising a probable wrestling move to reverse them and find himself on top of her, resting on her chest and playing with that old necklace she still wore

"You could've avoided that" she laughed with the little breath that Simon's graceful fall on her had left her, taking advantage of their new position to frame his face with her hands, slowly passing her thumbs on the dark signs under his eyes, smiling as his face relaxed under her touch.

He took her almost threat literally when not even two full years later, he gave Taka the tiny box containing the ring she still wore, the two of them framed in the pink of the cherry blossoms, his face full of uneasiness and pure panic, properly hidden under his poker face. His ways of doing so clumsy about anything involved exposing his feelings was one of the things that won her over in the first place that distant day when he asked her out for the first time; seeing them again that day was everything she could ask.

She continued to flip page after page, following sometimes the rhythm of the slow songs that the old stereo played, stopping sometimes to better look at those pictures that caught her eye, mostly the ones where there was a little Simon. She looked away for more than a second after at least half an hour when she felt her shirt being pulled from underneath, resting her gaze on that little head full of raven hair that emerged from the small shelter she had made with what was one of Simon's haori "Not hungry anymore?" she passed her finger on her round cheeks, taking her wail as an answer and moving her away from her chest. She made her daughter comfortable on her lap and brought back the photo album to her "You've become so much bigger, I don't know where to put you anymore" she chuckled touching the baby's nose as she tried to mutter "here", patting her mother's knees "Look, in this photo daddy was around your age, he was such a handsome boy was he?" she knew that her daughter was understanding, but just couldn't answer properly, so she just kept talking to her, telling her some stories that her aunt told her about her dad when he was little. At some point, her daughter stole the album from her hands to see the pictures in herself; she took the opportunity to rearrange her clothes, checking how the skin of her lower abdomen was doing, bad of course...

Her mind was brought back to reality when a tiny hand touched the scar on her stomach "Hm? What? You got out of there you know" she tickled that tiny hand with her fingers, sitting back next to her when she tried to run from the tease. She combed her hair with her hand, each time with more and more pressure until the little one fell again with her head on her lap "Today you were bad at mom's work, anything to say in your defense?" but all the baby could do was yawning and try to move her hand away from her head, something that made the older woman smile, leaving her daughter alone to let her rest.

The newfound peace was once again disturbed when a certain noisy hawk entered the door "I'm home" that serious voice preceded the sound of Simon's footsteps headed for the living room

"Yeah, could've guessed that" she laughed quietly, pulling her head back against the couch to look at him

"How are you feeling?" he reached down to kiss her forehead before giving attention to her lips too.

She captured his neck with her arms before he could walk away "Beside the constant stomach cramps and some dizziness, I'm healthy as a fish" she smiled, taking some of his hair in her hands and giving small kisses around his lips

"If you put on your IV once in a while, maybe you’d feel even better" he scolded her sighing, trying to detach her arms from around his neck

"If I have to stay with her, I prefer not to put it" she placed a hand on her daughter's head, keeping her eyes on his "And besides, it's cumbersome and useless at this point" she titled her head, looking away from him, feeling on her skin the cold and serious look he was giving her

"Don't even say it as a joke" he sighed, freeing himself from her arm before walking away.

She remained silent, looking at the cloudy sky of that evening for some seconds before slowly sliding away from under the sleeping form of her daughter "Not joking" she whispered to herself before reaching, staggering a little, her husband "Aura came to check on us this afternoon and brought me some albums with photos of when you two were younger" she smiled softly, helping him to take off his coat and jacket, placing them on the table chair. The only answer she received from him was his embarrassed face and his tries to hide it in all its redness "Don't worry, your daughter too agrees on the fact that you were handsome even when you were the one wearing the diaper" she placed her hands on his tie, bursting out laughing as their eyes met "Don't give me that look! You were such an handsome baby! Your eyes were as sharp as now and I love that" she kissed the tip of his nose as she removed his tie from his neck

"If those albums fall in my hands, they're gone. I'm telling you" he huffed, unbuttoning the first buttons of his shirt to let that feeling of warmth in his face dissipate

"Don't you dare! I want to do a whole family photo album, so I need those too" she hugged again his neck, hanging with a little extra weight when her legs suddenly gave up "So when she grows up, she'll have some physical memories too" she said, pointing to the sofa with her head

"These ideas only come to you" he held her on her feet, keeping her chest against his and resting his cheek on top of her head

"But you can't say they're bad" she giggled, slipping a hand into his shirt and unbuttoning another of its buttons

"You want to undress me?" he stared her hand, passing a pair of fingers on it.

She smiled foolishly, rubbing her face on his chest to hide the warmness that she felt before she, too, began to stare at her own hand "It wouldn't be a bad show" she tightened the grip that she had on his neck, making him lower again a little towards her

"You're acting like you've never seen me naked" he sighed, smiling softly to her dumbness before hitting her forehead with his fingers.

She looked at him badly, making an offended face before hiding in the folds of his shirts. She pushed his neck further towards her until he had to step forward to avoid falling, ending up dragging him to the center of the living room "Do you remember when we used to dance here? When you came back to work at a decent time?"

"When you dragged me against my will to try clumsy steps with background music you would say; I remember that"

"That's the same thing for my ears" she punched him and just stayed where she was, breathing slowly to calm the pain she was feeling in her stomach. She looked up again when she felt his arms tighten around her, intent on moving her slowly in a rocking movement

"Can you move or does it hurts too much?" he took the hand that was on his neck in his, keeping the other on her lower back.

She laughed quietly, squeezing his hand and standing well "First you say that you don't like dancing-"

"Let's do it while you can" he smiled and moved her, following the music that kept going from before

"Such a tsundere" she came even closer to him, keeping his hand tightly in hers.

"If I had known that having a typical Japanese wedding would have led to having to wear ten layers of kimono, I probably would have said no when you asked" she fixed her obi one more time, checking if her hair was in place

"But you indeed looked good all in white" he helped her tighten the obi, keeping staring at her "Even if you still have that old and overused thing that ruins your dr-"

"You on the other hand, haven't changed your pallette even today" she cut him nonchalantly and looked at him, fixing his haori, touching with her fingers the two tiny crests of his family embroidered on it

"That's a fundamental trait of my character" he took her by the arm and walked where the guests were

"Then the fact that you got your hair done today is totally out of your character" she played with the braid full of flowers that fell on his back, sticking to his arm "But it suits you a lot" she smiled satisfied when she saw red tips building in his cheeks

"Maybe, but all these flowers make it too fancy for my liking" he tried to sidetrack the conversation, looking away from hers so as not to let her enjoy his shyness.

She stopped insisting, keeping tight his hand in hers as they walked again where all the others were "Well, I must say that if I have to find one positive thing in all of this, seeing Aura in a kimono is probably the best thing I could ever ask in my life" she whispered to him when her eyes met the almost completely drunk figure of Aura dressed in a colorful kimono

"Yeah, sorry for that" Simon sighed and covered his eyes with his hand

"Come on! She's trying to avoid thinking that her beloved little brother is leaving her for another woman" she nudged him and looked at him with an annoying smirk

"Don't make it worse please" he walked with her out on the balcony, looking at the sky before whistling and pull out an arm, waiting for a pair of delicate claws to clasp his wrist "You're the only that understand me" he scratched Taka's neck, smiling softly when the smaller hand of his wife tried to pet him too "You're too short"

"No! You're the one who's too tall! And you might as well put your arm down you know!" she tried to pull it down, failing miserably

"Maybe it's finally time to change that thing around your neck" he noticed, pointing to the necklace that, even today, she kept wearing "Na-ah, I will only change it when it becomes dust on my hands" she used his moment of distraction to pat too Taka's soft feathers, watching again that simple-looking but full of meaning ring on her finger.

Still today, after nearly two full years, that ring continued to adorn her finger; she hid more and more in his shirt until she placed her ear precisely over his heart, listening carefully to each of its beats

"You okay?" he passed a hand on her face, bringing his face close to her to place a brief kiss on her head

"What was the name of the colored coat I wore for our wedding?" she tried to remember all the times Simon told her, but couldn't remember

"Uchikake" he said it slowly, so that she could understand it "Why you ask?"

"I was thinking that it was really beautiful. I should still have it somewhere in the closet" she closed her eyes, hoping that thinking about those memories, would send her back and live them again

"If you want, one day we could dress as we were that day, just to relive the emotion" he some of her hair locks, playing with them

"One day?" she slowly looked up at him, but it only quickened the climb of her tears to the eyes "You know, if I hadn’t tried to get closer to you after those seven years, when you got out of prison, we probably wouldn’t be here at this point; if I had been away I would have avoided that you suffered again" she squeezed his shirt in her hand, sighing loudly to mask the returning feeling of tears. Last year was the first and last time she cried for herself, knowing she had no right to be sad when she knew she was leaving Simon all alone, again.

"If you hadn’t come back, I would have come, I wouldn’t have left you so easily" he hit her head and placed his palm on her eyes, pushing her head downwards "If you hadn’t come back to catching me, yeah, we probably wouldn’t be here right now, but now there wouldn’t even be that evil thing" he took off his hand from her face to let her see where he was pointing

"Can you please stop calling her a thing?!" she took his hands off her, backing away and wiping the wetness around her eyes with her arm

"You're the only one who takes it so badly" he remained near her, seeing her legs more unstable than normal

"You know, for your information, your daughter is a person too" she gave him a killer look, ready to throw anything at him

"In my eyes, as of now, she's a round being who does nothing but eat, sleep and cry all day" he smiled at his own words as he strived to remain serious as he spoke "And other things that are not very nice anyway" he dodged the bottle she threw at him, trying to catch it before it fell; trying.

The sound of the plastic that crashed on the ground was followed shortly after by some incomprehensible complaints "It's your fault, just so you know" he stopped her and threw her like a sack on a chair before going towards the couch and search that little being that who could make such loud sounds "Are we done here?" he took her from the legs, tickling her to not let her cry too much

"Come here, hurry" she waited already with her arms wide open "Have you heard what this evil bichrome man said? Mh? What is daddy saying about you?" she took her in her arms and hid her in her neck cavity "Can you stop saying these things?" she pouted at him while calming the baby

"These are just pieces of evidence of my incapacity as a father" he sighed and looked back at her, keeping his impassive face

"Oh really? In my eyes these actions only show that you're good at this, you know how to joke with her" she gave him a proud smile to let him understand she was sincere

"And you see this as a posit-"

"Look! The more I look at her the more I realize that she might not have taken anything from my genes" she interrupted his words, standing up in front of him and showing the baby's face to him "Her eyes are exactly like yours; sharp, grey and absolutely beautiful; her hair is black, but she has some shades of Aura's purple in it and being pale is a family thing, I guess" she tilted her head to see Simon's face as she talked, smiling softly at him

"Maybe she’ll have something of yours growing, something about your personality or she'll change her features during growth" he poked the round cheeks he had in front of him

"I hope for you both no, you want another liar in your family?" she laughed confused, passing a hand on his shoulder.

He didn't answer but just sighed, taking her arm and moving onto the couch "You're not on your feet anymore, come and sit" he sat her comfortably on him and hugged her tightly, hiding his nose in her locks, now much shorter than last year but still welcoming.

She quietly beat her foot to the beat of the music, looking around the large hall full of people, looking for familiar faces

"Why you're here all alone? You could at least sit somewhere" the familiar raven-haired boy approached her with a simple glass of something in his hands

"I'm still new here, so I'd rather stay alone for now" she smiled turning towards the young prosecutor "What about you? You're not with your sister?" she looked around her to see that extravagant hairstyle that she always has

"She's talking to Cykes-dono, so I left them alone" he slowly sipped his drink "You want to take something to drink too?" he pointed with his glass towards the table full of every kind of drinks

"I'll pass, for now I would like to stay sober” she sharpened her ears to the music, finally hearing something danceable

“Instead, would you like to dance?” she came closer to him and grabbed his jacket

“No? I don’t know how to dance at all” he laughed uncomfortably, trying to stop her hand from dragging him

“Me neither, we just go there and have some fun” she poked him with her shoulder to convince him

“Pleeease” she took his glass from his hands and hid it behind her back

“Just this one” she didn’t even wait for his answer before dragging him towards the empty space in the middle of the hall, placing his glass on the first table in her way, letting some hair get in front of her face to hide her blush before turning to him again, smiling softly.

The face he held for all the time they danced brought a smile and a quiet giggle to the woman’s mouth

“What are you laughing about?” Simon, took her hair away from her face, looking down at her

“Nothing nothing, I was just rethinking of some memories, and I remembered the first time we danced together; do you remember?” she placed her head on his shoulder, trying to keep her look upwards

“That time when you nearly fell on your own feet to keep me dancing? Yeah, I remember” he laughed too to the memory, moving his hand under her chin to keep her face

“Remember me more, anything it comes to your mind”

“But you already know my whole life by heart, you were there for the most” her eyes closed for some seconds, letting her relax in his hold

“…Who’s gonna tell me, then?” his fingers closed more around her face, looking at every single of her features with the saddest eyes he ever had in his life

She forced her eyes to open again to look at him, hugging his wrist with her slim, white and freezing fingers, a touch that gave him all the comfort he needed

“Hurry up or the stars will fall without you” she huffed, trying not to raise her voice too much

“Sorry sorry” Simon huffed too, climbing the last steps of the staircase to the outdoor terrace

“The sky is pure black tonight” she was already looking through her telescope, searching for even one shooting star

“Nothing?” he stretched his body and rubbed his eyes, ready to fall asleep at any moment

“Not yet” she checked her clock, before quickly returning to look at the sky

“If my calculations are right, ten minutes maximum and the first ones should start to appear”

“Repeat again why these stars are so interesting?” he shook his head from exhaustion and leaned his back against the wall

“Because! Today they should be of many different colors instead of always white!” she hit him, falsely offended by his disinterest, pointing towards the sky once again out of nowhere.

Her memory listed all the constellations she could recognize from what little she saw

“See? You’re good at remembering all the laws, the details of a case, the lessons of Dr. Cykes, and I’m good at remembering the constellations” she laughed at herself before looking at him, catching right behind him a reddish shooting star

“THERE!” her voice came out before she could control the volume, covering her mouth with both hands right after that

“There’s another and another one there” Simon tried not to laugh at her unwanted scream and just looked at the stars that fell in front of his eyes

“What do people say about shooting stars?” his back pulled away from the wall and approached her, tilting his head

“It’s said that a wish you express under a shooting star comes true and other things that date back to the era of Christ and-“

His hand took hers, stopping her words while he still looked at the now colorful sky

“How likely is the wish to come true?”

“I-It’s just a stupid belief, don’t tell me you believe it please” she shook her head and looked too at the sky

“Let’s see right now if I’ll start to believe in it” he pulled her towards him from the hands, waiting for her to turn her head his way before approaching her lips with his, giving her some seconds to pull away but finalizing his intention when she did not move, savoring every little feeling the sensation of her soft lips on his gave him.

As soon as the connection broke, he turned his face sideways to hide the tremendous blush on all his face

“Maybe I could give the stars a try for my next trials”.

“Of all the things, that’s what you had to remember?” he giggled slowly, rubbing his blushed cheek against the crown of her head

“That was probably the cutest thing you ever did” she touched his uncovered cheek, warming her hand thanks to Simon’s warmth

“Most embarrassing, you meant” he cocked a smile when he felt her elbow hit, try to hit, his ribs

“You don’t even realize how romantic you can be” she raised her hand and showed him the silver around her ring finger

“I think you don’t remember well enough”

“Just some more steps, trust me and don’t open your eyes”

“Not that I have a choice by now” she kept her hand on Simon’s to better understand where he was leading her.

All she could feel was the damp grass under her feet, the sweet spring breeze against her ankles, uncovered by the thin fabric of her yukata.

She could hear the distant beating of Taka’s wings as he flew around them; if she tried to open her eyes, they were greeted by the black of Simon’s palms.

All she could do was following his footsteps behind her.

“Ok, when you want to, you can open your eyes” he slowly took his hands off her face in case she had already opened them.

She peeked from one eye to see where they were before looking better with both of her eyes.

In front of her was probably the tallest cherry tree she has ever seen, full of tiny, pink flowers both on the branches and between the thin blades of grass that took a more orange hue thanks to the light of the sunset; nestled between two external roots was a colorful cloth that prevented a basket from being in contact with the wet of the grass.

She turned towards him with a surprised smile, placing her hands against his arms to hold on to something as she came near his face with hers

“Thank you, this is sweet” she murmured against his cheek, sliding her hand all the way from his arm to his nape to hug him.

He hugged her back for a few seconds, before using his arms around her to pick her up and carry her where they were awaited; he knew perfectly that they weren’t going to move anywhere soon if he waited for her to move first.

He could feel her mouth against his skin, kissing it softly, curving in excited and grateful smiles, brushing against the skin under his ear.

He almost threw her to the ground when they arrived, quickly passing his hand wherever he could still feel her passage as if it annoyed him before sitting next to her, huffing.

“So? You have something important to tell me?” she pressed her arm against his, looking at his impassible face as he took something out of the basket, offering it to her

“I may have brought you here just to see the cherry blossoms” he shrugged her off his arm, looking at her to enjoy both her pout and the contrasting happy eyes as she ate what he gave her

“As if I don’t know you, Blackquill” she tried to mimic his face, failing in seriousness because of her full mouth

“Don’t, call me that” he hit her elbow to make her food fall, sighing quietly as she tried to pick it up.

They just remained there, enjoying their presence in that ordinary silence that spoke more of hundreds of words.

Simon was never good with socializing, vocalizing his emotions; the only time he considered himself good with words was when he’s working, in a courtroom or an interrogation room.

She had to get used to his being, trying to help him improve, but when his emotions were too strong, he just closes himself.

He closes all the doors to his heart locked, with chains and locks by any external intruder –an art he learned and mastered in not even seven years of his life- .

“Am I pregnant and I still don’t know about it?” she tilted his head, approaching her face to his with a confused look that covered her true one, worried, as she tried to throw down those doors even now.

He nearly choked on his food at her words, looking even more confused than her

“How do I know if you don’t even know first?”

“Then do you want to tell me what’s wrong? At least before the sun goes down?” she gently brushed her finger against his nose, smiling at him to try to make him laugh

“Nothing serious, really. I-I just need to understand how to phrase it” he took her wrist and slowly moved her hand from his face

“Sooo, it is serious if it’s giving you problems” she giggled as she took something else from the basket

“Do you think Taka will enjoy something too?” she stood up and walked into a much-opened space, looking at the sky to see where Taka was

“Wait-” he tried to stop her before she stood, still managing to make her turn by calling her

“What? I took a piece of meat without too much flavoring; he can eat this” she warned before he could start with his usual lecture

“No, that’s not it” he sat up straighter, placing his hand on his knee as if to get up.

In his mind hundreds and hundreds of thought ran back and forth, his brain was trying his best not to melt, until he fell back, letting her call Taka

“Be careful when he catches your arm” he rested his back against the tree, gripping tightly his sleeve to relieve tension, to prepare himself

“Don’t pierce my arm pleease” as soon as Taka rested on her arm, she patted his head before giving him the piece of meat she took earlier

“Hey prosecutor man, when were you going to show me this new bandana?” her fingers touched the soft material of it, passing one of them slowly into the space between the feathery neck and the fabric

“You’re even more handsome than before; this color suits you” she scratched his feathers, giggling softly as he brushed his face against her hand.

She already started to walk back towards Simon when she noticed something dangling from Taka’s bandana

“You also gave him a pendant? Can I see it?” she shifted her eyes from Simon to Taka as she asked one question, then the other, taking the little box-like pendant tied to Taka’s bandana between her fingers.

She focused to untie the knot that probably Simon did, then moving the hawk on her shoulder to better observe it

“Don’t worry, I’ll give it right back” she gently hit his beak with her nail to have his attention

“What is it, Simon? Can I open it?” she opened the second after she asked, not even waiting for an answer that probably would never have arrived.

It was simple, shiny like a freshly cleaned panel of glass. On the surface, a lot of details framed a tiny, clear gem placed in opposition to the engraving of Simon’s family crest that he always wore, one way or another.

She reluctantly lifted her eyes from the ring, scared that it would disappear in front of her, to look at Simon who was still sitting on the ground, but had looked up to offer her one of those barely hinted smiles that were full of all kinds of emotions, those unconstrained smiles that she loved so much seeing.

“So?” her voice cracked, slipping out of her control, having the need to understand what he meant with this gesture

“ “So?” What? As if I gift you these things daily” he used all his energy to hide how much he was enjoying her expressions

She threw herself on him, pressing on purpose her knee against his stomach

“Instead of killing me, can I speak?” he tried to laugh with the limited air that she left him

“Will you marry me? Will you tolerate me as long as your lungs take air?” he spoke against her hair, taking the box from her hand, gently spreading her fingers to take it

“I’ve been tolerating you for years now” she composed herself before looking up, smiling when she felt his hand take hers

“Yes- Yes, I’ll gladly do that” she tried not to cry openly as the metal slowly brushed against the skin of her ring finger

“I hope you realize the trouble you’re getting yourself into” he tapped his shoulder, gesturing Taka to climb it, to involve him

“You should have warned me a decade ago” she squinted and gripped Simon’s hand as strong as possible, letting the tears that were hidden in her eyes fall

“You have a point, but if I did I wouldn't have had any benefit out of it” he hugged her head with his chin, pushing it towards his chest.

His rough thumb slowly stroked her now decorated hand; she emitted heat from every pore, the adrenaline still ran in her body and that made her hand a bit sweaty, but warm to the right.

They were in the same positions now; his chin on her head, her hand wrapped in his fingers, Taka on the couch’s backrest.

The feelings were what changed; her hand, ice, her breath, slow and irregular, his cheek, cold from the now dried tears, both their hearts, heavy and facing everything but reality.

Only her lap remained warm, short raven hair spread all over it and tiny hands that tried to grab the two adults’ shirts to sit up.

“You two should go to sleep now, we can continue tomorrow, maybe before I go to work” he forced his lips to form a smile as he looked at her, noting her eyes full of exhaustion

“I could sleep for a while, yes” she got off him, clinging to his shoulders to make up for her lack of strength “And you could change your clothes, I feel uncomfortable just by looking at you” she looked at him, not even trying to hide her smile

“Easy to talk with Simon’s shirt on huh?” he took the hand-sized girl out of the two in his arms before forcing the oldest on his shoulder, bringing both of them to their bedroom

“It certainly is more comfortable than your work shirts” she tapped her hand against his back, trying to free herself, and she was indeed satisfied when he dropped her like a sack of potatoes on the mattress “Do you always treat corpses like this?” she rolled until her face smeared on Simon’s pillow

“Most of the time even worse than this” he used his daughter’s hand to hit her head, pushing it towards the pillow by making the little one lay on it

“Not breathing-“ she tried to grab her daughter to move her before freeing her face, making the baby laugh with her annoyed snort

“You’re just like your father,-”

“If you’re a corpse, you’re not supposed to breath” he looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he was already undressing

“Then just the time you change and I’m back to being one” her eyes locked with his and she smiled, looking down at her baby who imitated her position, now both looking at Simon

“See how beautiful your dad is?” she whispered so as not to be heard by Simon, tickling the baby’s neck to make her giggle

“I feel observed” he smiled to himself as he slowly chose what to wear

“Oh well sorry you very edgy, shy, handsome, young man” she kept staring at him some more before turning to give him some privacy.

She started tickling her daughter again, taking from her nightstand the stuffed hawk they kept there for when they made her sleep with them

“Is this better than the real one?” she poked her cheeks with the toy’s beak, smiling when her tiny hands hugged the soft replica

“The real one is there, looking rather offended in my opinion” Simon pointed the branch near the bed even if neither of the two were looking at him

“I would give him some attention if I were you”

“He’s just like you, too. I’m surrounded” she tried to imitate Simon’s whistle to call Taka to her, placing her hand on the headboard to indicate him where to lean

“When you’ll learn not to hit her, she can play with you too” she scratched his neck, passing her fingers between his feathers, then to the ones around her neck.

She searched for the hook of the necklace to take it off, combing the ruined feathers with her nails

“It is finally time to throw it away?” he joined her on the soft bed, brushing his nose against her nape before searching a point that made her shiver where to press his lips on

“Never, ever. When I can no longer express my opinion, you can do whatever you want with it” she shivered as she felt his lips against her skin, trying to get away from him

“What do you want me to do with it?” he continued to cover her skin with butterfly kisses, catching her thigh to not let her run away

“I would like to keep it, but it would be a waste; you could give it to her when she grows up or yes, you can throw it too” she put her fingers between his hair, messing it up as also her lower body shivered

“I’ll think about it” he touched the feathers too, noticing how they were ruined

“Can I at least change these? Taka is losing a lot of feathers recently”

“If they ruin badly, I shall allow it” she touched her nose and tried to turn to face him.

“Shouldn’t she sleep?” he picked their daughter in his arms before sitting up to give her space to get comfortable

“She slept before you came back, I don’t know if she will now” she yawned and found a comfortable place on Simon’s lap, resting her head on his shoulder

“But I probably will. Tomorrow a new engineer comes to help us with the next probe at the center” she forced her eyes to remain open, taking in the sight of Simon trying to make the little one sleep, slowly rocking her

“You should stay home. You’re getting worse and you should rest” he took her hair off her face with his free hand, getting the evidence he needed to confirm what he was saying: the eye bags under her eyes were darker every day more, her skin was almost as pale as his, her hairline was constantly covered with a thin layer of sweat and against his skin, hers was cold, dry, dead.

She looked and felt like she was already a corpse, a corpse he never had wanted to see.

“At this point is useless to rest, this last period is worth spending it doing something rather than staying at home, on the couch, filling myself with medicines” she tried her best to keep her head straight, fighting against pain, unusual sleepiness, physical fatigue.

“Would you- please, stay awake as long as you can” he put his hand under her chin to lift her face towards his, kissing her forehead.

This sweet gesture made her smile again, hugging his cheek with her palm softly

“I’ll try” she moved his bangs from his eyes “Pardon me” she took his ponytail, searching his hair tie and freeing his hair from it

“What are you doing” he sighed, suffering what she was doing anyway as their daughter slowly fell asleep

“Fixing your bangs. You should cut them, your eyes are covered and it is really a crime” she collected the hair on his forehead, tieing it in a really small ponytail, holding back her laughter at the result

“I don’t even want to see myself” he sighed harder, focusing only on loaf in his arms

“Why! Your eyes are visible like this!”

“If you care so much you can cut it for me, I don’t know how to do it” he took her face and pushed her off him, again on the mattress “In law classes, they don’t teach you how to be a hairstyler, too” he untangled some knots from his now-free hair, taking off the tie from his bangs, styling it so that it did not cover his eyes

“Neither in space engineering” she hugged her pillow and closed her eyes, feeling them as dry as a desert

“Hey,” he lowered once again near her, carefully laying the fully asleep baby between them

“Do you want to sleep?” he passed a hand on her hair, taking away the locks that kept falling from her head

“That wouldn’t hurt you know” she looked at him, keeping her eyes closed for more seconds when she blinked

“If I fall asleep, please, don’t wake me up, we’ll see tomorrow, ok?” she smiled once again, extending a hand towards his face and placing it on his cheek

“Remember me to bring back to Aura the albums she brought me today” she nodded as if she was listening to herself, but slowly her brain started to turn off

“Yes, after work I’ll come to pick you up and we can go together” he was convinced in what he was saying, but something gripped tightly his chest

“I’ll wait for you then” whatever she was saying now, was nearly an incomprehensible murmur, her eyes were closed and her hand fell on their daughter’s head.

He remained there, all he could do was staring at her, her chest that slowly rose and fell, her face that showed peace, but under it lied everything she truly felt: anger, sadness, guilt and fear.

She was tired of those feelings, all that she wanted was to enjoy the little time she knew she had left with her family.

Even if she didn’t saw him at the moment, she could imagine Simon’s face, what he was feeling, too.

She didn’t want to ruin his life like this.

He already suffered in his life and this, leaving him alone out of nowhere with a child to raise all by himself when he was the one against the idea of children. What convinced him to even try in the first place was the assurance that he wouldn’t be alone in properly raising a child, she promised it to him. But now?

“Simon” she shook his arm to be sure he was listening to her, not sure of how her voice sounded

“I’m here” he took her hand to let her know he was listening, moving closer to her

“.I’..m sorry” she tried to re-open her eyes again to sound more sincere in her apology “You know that… I love you” she forced herself to sound as clear as she could, squinting and trying to open her eyes

“Don’t force yourself by saying stupid things. You have nothing to be sorry about and-“

“Saying that I love you is a stupid thing?” she looked at him confused and with tears all over her eye

He passed his thumbs on her cheeks to wipe those tears, stopping for a second to look her in the eyes

“Of course not. You did everything for me and I still don’t know how to thank you properly. You helped me when I came back, you tolerated me all these years and also officially linked yourself to the mess that I am and- and you gifted me this, you gave me a reason to keep moving forward” he passed his thumb on her rings before resting both their hands, still connected, on their daughter’s belly.

Her eyes closed again but she was listening to every single word, every single crack or tremor of his voice, the sound of his breath becoming irregular. The words she wanted to speak died in her throat and all she managed to do successfully was smiling, offering him a smile that could maybe comfort him, that could give voice to the apologies she wanted to scream, to the regret and sadness that were eating her from the inside.

“Now sleep, you deserve some rest. You’re strong, don’t forget it” he covered her eyes with his palm and gently pressed his lips against hers, smiling softly when he felt her attempt to answer to his kiss, pushing her lower face against his “And I love you too, you can’t even imagine how much. I’ll never stop doing it, remember it.” He reluctantly took his hand off her face, noticing even more tears on it, trying to wipe them again with his trembling fingers.

He knew what was happening, but at the same time, he didn’t know, didn’t want to know.

His eyes searched comfort looking up, where Taka still was on the headboard; him too, was asleep. Loneliness, this feeling Simon knows too well and that he knows it will come to visit him more often from now on. His eyes closed and before he knew it, he fell asleep too; both his hands were against a cold feeling that, as he lost more and more consciousness, started to feel warm again.

- Same time, same sound every single morning. He could already hear giggles and fire sounds from the kitchen, so he just sat to slam his palm against the alarm to shut it off.

It didn’t.

Even if his palm was still on it, the alarm continued to ring. He had to shook his head to be back, the newfound feeling of warmth in his chest kicked away by the sudden cold. He stood and walked to the door, opening it and seeing only the first lights of the morning light up the way to the kitchen, hearing anything but silence. He looked back confused and that’s when he remembered; he remembered that his wife was dying, but just now realized that what yesterday was future, now is present.

She laid there, in her side of the bed; her whole body but the face covered with simple blankets, her facial features molded with peace, calm, relief. Everything was framed by her hair and covered with the reddish lights of the sunrise that highlighted details that only confirmed her departed state: her lips were now tinted with a slight violet, her eyes were slightly opened and the little that was visible was completely dull, not a single muscle was tense and her skin took a greenish tone.

He forced himself to confirm what he was seeing, gently caressing her cheeks, jawline and lastly her neck, searching for anything else than a block of pure ice.

Useless.

The sun outside seemed to know what was happening: the sun, now full of light and free of any cover slowly continued to rise, probably not noticing the expanse of clouds that awaited him to hide him, keep him away from the world.

Before she could wake up, he brought the unaware raven head away from there; even if she probably couldn’t understand, she didn’t deserve to even look at her mother’s dead body. He was still trying to understand, to process everything, but his brain did all it could to reject everything that was happening, to deny it; that’s probably why, when he returned to their shared room, he felt a punch right in the gut seeing Taka that tried to wake her up, beating his head against hers.

She didn’t move a single inch when he was out and Taka’s usual tease to wake her up wasn’t working.

“Taka” a concise movement of his chin made the hawk understand to leave her alone, taking his place beside her, fearful of touching her again and perceive again the feeling of touching a grave, touching death. “We need to give the albums back to Aura and- today the engineer at the center” he tried to catch her attention, shaking her face with a little too much vigor, but nothing seemed to move her “Or, you still have to remind me of our first date, of when our daughter was-“ the end of the phrase died as his fist instinctively met the wall nearby, as one single tear accidentally fell from his eye.

His feet moved on their own and made him walk out of there, out of where he was already promising himself to remain. He rested his back against the wall, slamming his head against it too to stop any strong emotion to take control of his body.

His fingers moved his bangs from his eyes to fully understands if he was still sleeping; unluckily not.

His thighs rested flat against the floor, his back slowly sliding down to accompany them and before he could punch the wall down, he focused on the heavy pocket of his pants, pulling out of it the necklace she entrusted to him. Looking at it now, it looked newer than it actually was; yesterday the feathers looked old and ruined, but now he saw them as fresh and immaculate.

He laughed to himself and brought the cheap pendant to his lips, finally understanding what she saw in something he made only for her, brushing once again the feathers of it.

---

A short message for you all ;v;

#ace attorney #simon blackquill #simon blackquill x reader #angst #aura blackquill #x reader but not even that much

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